#love me normally was the first will wood song I'd ever heard

[constellation-sapphic]

Will Wood is so good at writing songs that devastate my psyche and are also a fucking jam

[drowninginredink]

Favorite Albums: choose 9 and then tag 9 people!

For my own sanity, I didn't include musicals because I could fill up a whole other 3x3 grid with them, and comparing musicals to non-musical theater albums is weird.

Those last 4 that you definitely don't recognize are by Old Earth who you should definitely listen to if you want artsy ambient indie folk with really intricate guitar. My absolute favorite artist by far, and also the most obscure artist I listen to by far.

Electric by The Pet Shop Boys — I think this is my favorite album period. I am still pissed off that Tom Scott called it "not that great" in the old Technical Difficulties podcast. Maybe I'm biased because it was my favorite album when I was 14 and because it's where I really fell in love with the Pet Shop Boys. God I love them. So much. I'm way too excited for the new album and I worship geowayne's website where he analyzes all their songs. I probably should have put another PSB album on here, but there isn't another where I'm in love with every track. Plus honestly so many of my favorite tracks of theirs are B sides. They still release B sides with their singles, and this album cycle, the B sides are honestly better than the actual singles. Anyway electric is pure synthy electropop and I adore it in that way you can only love something you first heard at 14.

Pure Heroine by Lorde — I read a quote somewhere where Lorde said she tried to really put all of being a teenager into the album, so much so that once she became an adult, she probably wouldn't understand or like it anymore. I can definitely say that I'm not nearly as attached to it anymore now that I'm an adult, but God, it was my life when I was 13. She really did capture the unique ennui of being a teenager. I wrote a novel in eighth grade, and I wrote at least half of it to tracks from this album. Also, hot take: Royals is my least favorite track by a lot. Buzzcut Season is my favorite.

My Head is an Animal by Of Monsters and Men — God, this one was my life when I was like, 12. I fell in love with folk there, and I'm still in love nearly a decade later. Another album where I still love every track.

Strange Trails by Lord Huron — hey look, an album I actually discovered and came to love as an adult! The fact that I love Lord Huron's brand of folky horror/fantasy/western music that tell stories with characters should not surprise anyone. Also, if I had to describe my experience with schizophrenia in one song, I'd choose Meet Me in the Woods.

The Tragic Treasury by The Gothic Archies — Look. Hear me out. Is it a album based purely on A Series of Unfortunate Events? Yes. But. Is it also an album where I genuinely love every track and have genuinely been known to just throw it on shuffle? Yes. I mean I think of one lyric from this album, like, weekly. I swear it's not just ASOUE brainrot that makes me like it so much. If it'd ever gotten a vinyl release, I'd absolutely own it. I wish it had gotten one.

a low place at The Old Place by Old Earth — honestly this is probably only my favorite Old Earth album because it's the one that I was able to actually get on vinyl and being able to play that vinyl is so lovely. I mean, it's good, but so is everything by Old Earth. Then again, Less Words is my favorite single track by them and it is on this album. Look. All the Old Earth albums I've listed here are, at most, 20 minutes long. If you like ambient artsy indie folk with lyrics that are there more for the way they sound than their meaning, try one.

light shaped by Old Earth — god the lyrics to this one. Normally I don't like Old Earth for the lyrics but. "It gets old/then it's done" and "what if it's just some song that gets you home" and especially "I'm holding your arms/and you're holding my eyes/and I lie like the right thing to do" are all just so great. And so is the middle track with no lyrics.

... until they're called by Old Earth — have you ever heard an album so good that you a) just played the whole thing and danced to it in your basement nonstop for the full 12 minutes, and then b) wrote a poem about the experience? People talk about finding God, but dancing to that album was the moment I found athiesm. The beauty of us all being here for no reason, just feeling things and living and doing our best to make something beautiful out of it.

Two Torches, at a Place Where Three Roads Meet by Old Earth — I'll be honest, I don't have much to say about this one. They're just a really solid three tracks.

... Yeah okay I really like Old Earth. Don't judge me.

Thank you @cygninae and @thehistoryone for tagging me! I'll tag @ven10 (I'm surprised neither of the people who tagged me tagged you), @weirdthoughtsandideas (ditto), @70snasagay (hmmmm i wonder what you'll put), @cat-boy-tom, @thetreetzar, @buncoreclown, @notthatalex, @unfortunate-sapphic-disaster, and @roach-in-the-kitchen. No pressure, obviously!

[eazy-peazy54]

My problem with the Will Wood fandom, (a.k.a touch grass, a.k.a stan culture can suck it) (an essay.)

This one is LONG and a DOOZY, so buckle up if you like to read.

just want to clarify, i do NOT hate the will wood fandom in itself. AT ALL. I love you guys (/p)

i just dislike the people who say weird and creepy shit. if that doesnt apply to you, cool! but tell the people who do that shit to knock it off.

NO DISCOURSE IN THE REBLOGS I WILL ATTACK YOU

One HUGE gripe I have with the Will Wood fandom is how some of you guys treat Will Wood like (and this is literally the only way I can put this that isn't too serious) some all-powerful deity of knowledge that you would kill AND die for. In this essay, I will explain why [some of] you are fucking creeps.

Will Wood. Where do I begin. For the very few who are unaware, Will Wood is a singer-songwriter who makes very strange avant garde whatchamacallit evil jazz/swing music. He has been known as Will Wood since 2015, where he released his first album, Everything Is A Lot, under the name Will Wood and the Tapeworms.

Me personally, I first heard of him from the song Dr. Sunshine Is Dead, from the good old days of 2018 animation meme Youtube.

Ever since the inevitable Tiktokification of the song I / Me / Myself, from The Normal Album, the Will Wood fandom has become... well.. full of children. I have no place to speak, of course, because I myself, am a teenager, but I'm talking like. 11-14 year olds.

11-14 year olds who are all fucking INSANE.

Will Wood has been put in what I like to call;

The Holy Trinity.

This being the big three artists who the mentally ill queers (like me) listen to.

Lemon Demon, Tally Hall, and of course, Will Wood.

Being in this holy trinity has both done him good, and bad. On the positive side, yay!! More streams, more plays, more people to appreciate the craft, and more people who like the music! On the negative side, now you have an army of children listening to adult music, interacting with adult music and music videos, who are willing to do ANYTHING to get your attention, because they are young and don't know much better.

And here, stuck in the middle of it all, is poor William.

Stuck as a straight "gay icon," in a sea of twelve year olds.

Well shit.

---

Leading to the second part of my half-essay.

2020. The year shit changed for Will Wood. The Normal Album was released, and people found themselves relating to I / Me / Myself, as stated before. Then this "new," unheard of fandom was kind of birthed upon Tiktok. They were treating him like fucking jesus.

Which is weird.

They were sad, gay, looking for answers, and found them in Will's music. Which is like. Cool!

But when people were saying that he was trans, and then switched up and said he was making fun of trans people?

Yeah. Not that cool actually.

Coming back to the present now, Will has stated how weird these kids are.

In a response from a AMA for In Case I Make It on the official Will Wood subreddit, (I know. Ew, gross, Reddit, but this post was what inspired me to make this in the first place, so,) Will says this:

---

"When I was living in the sticks along the Delaware during the pandemic, I had this weird sort of mystical thing going on inside my head that was trying connect dots in my life and turn meaningless nothing things into signs that I would die.

This was happening around the same time I was dealing with getting actual public attention for the first time, and was living in an area where nobody wore masks, and was living with people who were at risk of serious covid complications if they caught it. Also for most of it I was the dreaded 27, and having been a bit of a junkie in my younger years and an idiot with a barely-treated psychiatric wreck in my brain for most of the ones following it, it was not unlike me to assume I'd die young.

It just seemed too perfect.

As I was dealing with the reception of the normal album (my first truly scathing reviews, I/Me/Myself "discourse," being the subject of conversation on a larger scale) which was beyond what I was prepared for psychologically in terms of its scope and type, my anxious rumination started to veer toward genuine paranoia.

I started thinking that I would die by my own hand or be murdered by one of these crazed Will Wood fans in the dead of night. So I didn't sleep like ever, I lost a bunch of weight and couldn't gain it back for a while, I freaked out a whole bunch and I'm surprised looking back I never lost my sobriety or whatever.

Since it started to look more and more like cosmic fact that I was doomed, I started to feel greater and greater desperation to get out these songs that I had been quietly writing over the previous year or two. Songs I'd written while going through a big breakup and wrestling with rotten parts of me that were finally accessible due to my finally being properly medicated and dealing with the real shit in therapy. And then songs I'd written as I went through these changes."

---

Obviously that is a lot to unpack for a Tumblr essay, but since you’re this far, you probably read it all already.

“Stans,” as most would call them, and “Stan Culture” as a whole, is just a huge wreck. Everyone is always fighting someone. We know this. We all do. Stans scare artists. 

I want you to think. Think of the artists who are inspired by Will Wood. The ones who want to cater out their music to the Will Wood fans. Imagine if you will, those artists seeing that AMA post, seeing the crazed fans, seeing the relentless sexualization, the jokes about serious issues, like Will’s past drug use, seeing all of this and thinking:

“Is it really worth it?

Is it really worth all of this to make music and put myself out there?”

Now, that may make you uncomfortable, but it's the honest truth. And it's happened to so many people, and so many artists. 

---

And now a message to the disgraced kids who managed to latch on to Will Wood’s music.

Treating a musical artist like a god is not gonna help anyone. I’d know. I’ve seen it happen multiple times, to multiple artists. 

I guess what I’m trying to say is think before posting on the internet. Think to yourself; would I say this to the artist's face? Could someone see this and think differently of me? Is this just weird to say in general?

Remember that these people are real people. Will Wood is a real person. With real thoughts. real feelings. a life to live. He's not just some music making machine. He’s not just some silly character. He’s not just some whimsical guy who we can all project onto.

Will Wood is a real person, and everyone should treat him that way. 

Thank you for reading.

(I will edit this essay if I think of anything else to add. That or I'll just reblog it.)

[randomly--accessed--memories]

More Song Recs:

Songs about Vox losing his mind:

1-Christmas Kids by Roar - Vox’s relationship with Alastor 

2-Eristocrats - That Handsome Devil  

3-Suburbia Overture / Greetings from Mary Bell Township! / (Vampire) Culture / Love Me, Normally by Will Wood - The lyrics aren’t too coherent and the music genres can drastically change, like switching to different channels

4-Dr. Sunshine Is Dead by Will Wood and the Tapeworms - Similar reasons as listed above

5-Chonny’s Inferno by Chonny Jash - Works pretty well as Vox’s first time in Hell. Near the end (3:34) it gets pretty chaotic sounding, so it could be Vox in the present day.

6-They're Coming To Take Me Away--Ha Ha! by Sloppy Jane

Should’ve Been Me by Mitiski - Valentino and Velvette’s trying to cope with thier situation, especially the lines ‘Must be lonely loving someone Trying to find their way out of a maze’  

Songs after Alastor’s defeated and Vox can remember Vel & Val more consistently:

1-A Burning Hill by Mitiski 

2-Me and My Husband by Mitiski - Vox’s growing crush on Valentino

Songs if Vox ever got over his crush on Alastor:

1-Better Off Gone by Jakeneutron 

2-Neptune by S.J.Tucker

Ooo, this is a really good selection of songs! I especially liked Neptune. I'd actually heard Eristocrats before in a Spamton animatic– the RAM-Spamton song overlap continues.

Some of my favorite lines

[nerves-nebula]

I know this might be kinda stupid but. do you have any music recs. specifically of the child abuse variety because I'd be very interested in that.

*sweats* ok so here's the thing- I have a playlist called "Abuse" and its full of music that is either explicitly about abuse, related to abuse thematically, or just has Abuse Vibes to me (some of which is likely inexplicable to other people)

im also kind of self conscious about my taste in music, cause sometimes it's like. i dunno. the steven universe soundtrack or a fnaf song i really like. and thats CRINGE! and really any genre of song can be about Child Abuse so it's like. idk if you'll like any of the things i recommend.

THAT BEING SAID, here's a selection i guess!! because I'm flattered you would even ask haha. a lot of these are pretty well known already tho so idk how helpful this will be. anyway this got hella long so. under the cut!

songs explicitly about or including themes of child abuse/having shit parents/having familial issues:

Guiltless by Dodie

Black by Okkervil River (narrative about a guys girlfriend telling him about her dad sexually abusing her. one of, if not the first, song i ever heard about CSA and it holds a special place in my heart)

The Mute by Radical Face

Ripple Effect by Scott Helman (kinda more about generational trauma & healing if im honest. i dont listen to it as much as the others on this list)

Poplar St by Glass Animals

Daddy Issues by The Neighborhood

Twin Sized Mattress by The Front Bottoms (classic i know)

The Family Jewels by Marina and the diamonds

Family Line by Conan Gray

Christmas Kids by ROAR (ok technically not about the kids but i find the subtext of how the kids are used in this abusive relationship horrific. also, it reminds me of my parents)

Drift Away - Steven Universe (OK I KNOW ITS NOT TECHNICALLY ABOUT THAT BUT TO ME IT'S ABOUT MY MOM. IT TRACKS TOO EXACTLY TO NOT INCLUDE HERE)

Other Abuse songs:

labour by Paris Paloma

This Hurts by Mindless Self Indulgence (my ex wife says i listen to this song to go joker mode and i hate that because i know she means Straight Joker and not Camp Joker but i do really like the song)

I'm your puppet by Gregory And The Hawk

Eric by Mitski (REAL GOOD)

Believe Me by James and the Shame (more about spiritual abuse sort of)

Girl Anachronism by The Dresden Dolls

Thermodynamic Lawyer esq GFD by Will Wood and the Tapeworms

We'll Never Have Sex by Leith Ross (less about abuse and more about, like, a healing relationship. still i think you can easily read into the alluded past abuse or sexual issues going here)

Fuck About It by Waterparks

Please, Please, Please, Let Me Get What I Want by The Smiths (this is just such an abused person song)

This Hurts by Mindless Self Indulgence (my ex wife says i listen to this song to go joker mode and i hate that because i know she means Straight Joker and not Camp Joker but i do really like the song)

Sex With A Ghost by Teddy Hyde

I Cant Handle Change by ROAR (obviously)

rotting by vivivivivi

rook by sardonica

My favorite "Abuse Vibe" songs (NOTE: some of these songs might be about abuse or toxic relationships but um. im not very smart or good at sorting so. they ended up here):

Take a Slice by Glass Animals (PLEASE LISTEN TO THIS ONE FUCK THE REST OF THIS LIST EXCEPT ANIMALS I LOVE THOSE TWO)

Animals by Stomach Book (SEE ABOVE)

Youth by Daughter

Duck Or Ape by ROAR

Million Dollar Gold Digger (idk what it is about this remix im not even a huge fan of either of the songs its mixing. this is the VIBES part of the rec list i don't have to explain myself)

I'll Be Good by Jaymes Young

Gooey by Glass Animals

Breaking Down by Florence & The Machine

Moby Dick by Jakey

Aurora Borealis by Lemon Demon (hard to justify but this song just brings such vivid "abused kid failing to be normal while hanging out with someone and further isolating themself" vibe. yes im projecting. leave me alone)

The Dismemberment Song by Blue Kid (sometimes you just wanna kill your parents)

I'M GONNA WIN by Rob Cantor (this one just feels like anger and bitterness and being suspicious of anyone who tries to help you. I listen to it when im fucking going through it. its also a bop but you prolly already know that, i think it's pretty popular? idk)

It's Alright by Mother Mother (stereotypical i know)

South Dakota by Jakey (honestly i dunno. i dont even know where south dakota is)

My Blood by Twenty One Pilots (for all you sibling havers out there)

My Play by AJR (my parents arent divorced but man i wish they were. Also, this just brings up very vivid memories for me trying to show my parents things and it is fucking crushing haha)

Best Of You by Foo Fighters (idk just more shit that reminds me of my parents)

The Woods by San Fermin (this one is just very "I should have died as a child"-core to me)

JUVY ft. Julia Bard by Nnamdi Ogbonnaya (this guy is weird and i didnt like his stuff at first but then... i came back... and now he holds a place in my heart)

Grape Gil by Nnamdi Ogbonaya (i think this is my favorite song of his. I nearly made an owl house animatic to it)

Obsession by OK GO

Better Than Me by The Brobecks

ARE WE STILL FRIENDS by Tyler The Creator

Dumb Dumb by Mazie (honestly this one just reminds me of thinking "i hate it here everyone is so dumb" and then maladaptive daydreaming for hours to escape the situation hah)

Stone Wall, Stone Fence by Gregory And The Hawk

Never Wanna Fall in Love With U by Nelward

Another New World by Punch Brothers (this one is such an explicit and straightforward narrative i really can't explain it other than like. the emotions.)

Julep by Punch Brothers (once again, the emotions)

Always Sayin' by The Littles Man Band

A NIGHT OUT ON EARTH by Waterparks

Consequences by Lovejoy

Scum by Lovejoy

SMELLS LIKE TEEN SECRETS by lil boodang (another hard to justify one. idk. it just feels like it ok. sue me)

anyway i'm sure there's more but thats just a quick selection from my Abuse playlist. and by quick i mean you better appreciate this cuz i put way more effort into this than i needed to.

[astradreaming]

Why'd it have to be him?

Pre-Marble Hornets :) Song: Him - James Marriott. Notes: Fem! Reader. Y/N = Your/Name. Y/F/S = Your/Favourite/Show. Word Count: 1,215 A/N: First-ever song fic. ♡ Hope you enjoy it! Have a good day/night lovely's ♡

masterlist

Why'd it have to be him?

I'd say you let me down

But he's been here before

And come back around

The sounds of a tv commercial bounced off the walls of the apartment living room. It wasn't unusual for the three friends to be up so late even if they had classes the next day. Tim, Brian, and Y/n all sat around on the couch, takeout napkins and leftovers on the coffee table in front of them.

Brian had started to tell Y/n an overexaggerated story of his and Tim's class earlier that day, how the substitute teacher was nothing but a grumpy old man who made the class that much slower. During said class, while the grumpy substitute was busy Tim accidentally knocked his coffee cup over, which spilled all over his paperwork. In Tim's defense, the cup was on the edge of the table right next to his own seat, Brian thought it was hilarious. Yet somehow Brian was able to charm both Tim and his own way out of detention and even got out of a long lecture from the man.

Will he take you to the same place?

One more hardback in your bookcase

You've got that look in your eyes

I'm blind

Tim decided he'd heard enough of the story, going out to the balcony for a smoke. Lighting his cigarette, leaning on the balcony railing looking out on the streets below. Deep down he knew it wasn't the story he couldn't stand listening to. It was who was telling the story and the reactions he was getting from her.

He fought with himself. He knew he could never truly hate Brian. He was his first-ever friend. He was the first one who actually believed in him. The only one who made him feel normal. But she was his first-ever crush. First unrequited love. His only other friend.

Tim threw the end of the cigarette down, falling on the pavement below. Pulling the sliding door open and appearing in the living room once more.

Have you ever seen

Ever seen a guy with moves like that?

Makes me wonder how I've been so bad

My head turns when the lights

Go dim

The sight in front of him made his previous argument futile. The commercials ended, and Y/f/s played once again. Y/n focused on the tv drowning in a blanket that was wrapped around both her and Brian. Y/n's back against Brian's chest, his arm around her. Sour-lipped and bitter he stomped into the kitchen grabbing a glass of whatever was closed in the fridge.

"C'mon Tim, you're gonna miss the best part of the show" Brian's voice echoed in Tim's head. Why'd Brian have to be so... Brian. Tim sighed as he came back into the room, sitting on the side of the L-shaped couch. Twisting himself around so he could fake interest in the tv. His head reeled.

Reeling into his thoughts once more he thought of something he learned in class he thought y/n would like. He turned to look over. Y/n was asleep, face smooshed against Brian's collar. Brian was too focused on her sleeping form to notice the range of emotions on his friend's face. Brian softly smiled to himself as he pulled the fallen blanket back over her shoulders. Turning back to the tv the pair of boys sat in silence.

Take my mind for a spin

You don't believe in that shit anyway

How long has it been

Since I came down?

Gave up on New Year's Day

He remembered the party Brian had forced him to go to. Honestly, the only reason he truly went was that he'd overheard you excitingly ranting about it to brian, how you'd wanted them to be there. The New Year's party didn't seem too long ago until he checked his phone... May 11th. Maybe it was a while ago.

It seemed that party was the only chance he had and he fumbled it. Too nervous. Too shy. Too broken.

Walking through the tree-filled woods, Tim and Brian finally found the so-called party. It was more a large gathering of college kids around a bonfire than a party. Then her voice carried through the chaos of all the others, inviting the two over to the spot she'd saved for them.

After a while of being introduced to her friends and her friends friends, they all began talking in their groups around the place. A few kids from another college found a lake a few minutes away from the main spot, taking a couple other kids whose laughter slowly drowned out as they got further away.

Someone had set up a foldable table behind the seats in front of the fire. Brian got up deciding to get a drink for the three of them. His figure wove in out around other kids their age, slowly disappearing from view in the crowd.

Tim had decided that it was now or never. How true that would turn out to be. Her name fell from his lips, sounding just as beautiful as she looks. She turns her full attention on him. She looks over at him, eyes full of sincerity, her smile wide. He fumbles with his words. Cursing at himself, since when did he ever stutter like that? Her smile faltered, face slightly scrunched in worry. He remembers her gentle voice asking if he was alright. He remembers her soft hands grasping his in comfort, his name falling from her lips. He remembers thinking his name had never sounded so sweet.

Conceal that smile on your face

I've only packed a suitcase

Leave the future defined

If you don't mind

He also remembers that the soft moment was cut short. Brian came back with three drinks in his hand. Passing one over to Y/n, his hands became colder her hands left his. Grasping the drink, passing one to him.

Brian sat beside the two, sitting closest to the flames of the bonfire. Y/n looked down at her drink. Head snapping towards Brian, her wide smile back again. Her eyes filled with glee. Tim noticed she was trying to hide how big her smile was. Her cheerful voice questioned Brian about the drink in her hand. Brian had remembered her special cocktail of sodas. Brian had remembered but so had Tim...

Was it when you looked at him?

Was it because he thought he could be

Much more than I've ever been?

Was it because he wasn't me?

Soft snores pulled him back from his memory. Tim turned. Brian's head rested on top of hers. Sound asleep cuddled into each other. Tim often wondered if he wasn't so caught up in his own head, he could of be the one bringing you the weird cocktail drink, he could have been the one holding you close. He could have been the one.

Standing up he reached down for the remote, turning the tv off. He picked up the messy half on the floor blanket, placing it on top of the pair. He flicked the lamp closet to the couch off and opened the sliding door again. Lighting his cigarette, and sitting down on the old wooden chair while he watched the cars pass by.

Why'd it have to be

Why'd it have to be

Why'd it have to be him?

[genderqueer-hippie]

I was tagged by @ineffabildaddy to fill out a get to know you doodad so here we are! Thank you for the tag, I love these things!

Real name: Jasmine - I was named after my dad's favorite flower

Nicknames & origins: In high school I was called Raph (we assigned teenage mutant ninja turtles to each other like normal ppl) and Grandma (long running joke of our friends long story) Jael was my first one online, an alias back in my days of livejournal. Jay is the most common and I enjoy it because it's gender neutral and easy to remember.

AO3:

https://archiveofourown.org/users/PatchouliDreamsForever/profile

Social media: this is the only place I am active

Pets: Oscar, Grace, and Bruiser. Not pictured is Buddy, a lab/mastiff mix

Hobbies: hiking, writing, foraging, camping, video games, reading, embroidery, cooking, other things that my noodle brain has forgotten

Personality: I tend to be more shy, especially in unfamiliar situations. I'm quick to be friends if I vibe well with someone. I tend to babble like a hamster on uppers when I talk about things I enjoy. Idk I'm just a super laid back queer stoner type (who is currently very stoned lol)

Fav holiday: I don't have a favorite, actually? I just enjoy the family time of a holiday meal together.

Fav food: edamame

Fav dessert: I'm a whore for gelato

Fav color: eggplant

Fav quotes: "But I digress..." is very relevant to my daily life

Fav books: The Hobbit and The Lord of the Rings, The Jungle Books, Fahrenheit 451, Good Omens, Wind in the Willows, I could go on but I won't

Fav TV shows: okay in no particular order, let the list unfold- Golden Girls, Buffy, Star Trek, Doctor Who, Interview with the Vampire, Willow, Good Omens, Staged, Our Flag Means Death, A League of Their Own, Torchwood,

Fav films: Lord of the Rings trilogy, The Birdcage, But I'm a Cheerleader, Funny Face, Charade, Princess Bride, The Blue's Brothers, Eyes Without a Face, Chicago, and so many more

Fav characters: I have so many!

Fav actors: currently all about David Tennant but Audrey Hepburn is always my go-to answer

Fav songs: Rhiannon Giddens is an amazing artist and everything I've heard from her is my favorite. I highly recommend Julie

Fav genre: I listen to so many things. I guess most listened to is blues and folk, but classical is another main staple of mine.

Fav podcast: I don't really listen to them tbh

Have you ever met a celebrity? Yes. Went to a Supernatural convention back in ...2013? Osric was running around the lobby in footie pajamas hanging out with everyone. I froze when Misha sat next to me at the cocktail party. I hugged Matt and he was super sweet. Karaoke was super fun. Ah, memories 😌

Have you ever been to a concert? Quite a few! I haven't been to one in a long time though.

Do you collect anything? I like rocks, books, physical media (CDs, DVDs, VHS), teas, wax seals and stationery

Idols? Idk that I really have an idol?

Is there a real life friend you can be yourself around? For the most part, yeah

Where would you love to travel? So many places. I haven't traveled far at all.

Random fact about yourself: when I was a kid I'd spend road trips daydreaming about running off into the woods and living a hermit life in a cave

This took longer than it should have but it was fun! I tag any of my moots that want to have an excuse to do it!

[schmergo]

My informal review of Beauty and the Beast at Olney Theatre in Maryland!

I had to write a casual, rambling review of Beauty and the Beast at Olney Theatre Center for you because that was a fun and memorable theatre experience if there ever was one, and certainly the most maximalist show I've seen since the world shut down in 2020! The production runs through January 1, so there are still plenty of chances to catch it! This production is best known for its inclusive casting of the title characters, and it's so enjoyable in every other possible way, too.

Full disclosure: I love Beauty and the Beast. I've also seen at least 8 different live productions of it, half of them professional. I can be equally overly critical and overly effusive when it comes to this show. It's one of those movies that feels like it's made for theatre (that score!), but translating living household objects, an enchanted castle, and a monstrous but strangely appealing Beast from cartoon format to live action is much easier said than done. Because of that, I've never NOT enjoyed a production of Beauty and the Beast before, but I've also never seen one that felt like they got it perfectly right. (And there's always at least one super distractingly janky costume!) This production was not totally perfect, but it was certainly my favorite mounting of Beauty and the Beast I've seen so far!

I think a lot of girls in my demographic grew up seeing themselves in Belle, but I actually always related more to the Beast. I guess I felt like Belle was always a little too perfect to be especially interesting-- beautiful, kind, elegant, graceful, brave, AND smart?-- and the Beast was the character with the real arc. Despite Belle's big solo in the second act, "A Change in Me," I never felt like Belle changes very much as a character at all, nor does she have anywhere to grow. Jade Jones and director Marcia Milgrom Dodge gave Belle more of a complete journey than I've previously seen. I also appreciated that this production proved there’s no one way a beautiful Princess has to look. Jade Jones is a plus-size, Black, LGBTQ+ performer and she killed it as Belle.

Why do the villagers see Belle as 'odd?' The script implies that it's simply because she... READS. (Gasp!) But in this production, I felt like Belle had a charming, refreshing awkwardness to her in the first half. When she rambles about how much she loves her books, she starts obliviously gushing. When she tries to turn down the ridiculous Gaston, she looks uncomfortable and frozen, unable to clearly communicate with him. And when she's with her eccentric father, Maurice, we see her goofy inner child come out. Oh yes-- and unlike the other women in the village, she wears PANTS!

This slight unconventionality turns out to serve her well in the unfamiliar milieu of the Beast's castle. The Beast, too, does not navigate social norms well. But where Belle's slight awkwardness is adorable, the Beast's lack of social skills is dangerous. But Belle's not afraid of him, and she doesn't even mind when he's rude-- putting his leg up on the table and slurping his soup (heck, she slurps her soup alongside him!)-- as long as he's being respectful to her. When he's not, she calls him out. And when he gushes over the story they're reading together just as much as she does, her eyes light up. That felt very familiar to me. I think some versions of this story feel like, “Belle teaches the Beast how to act normal,” dwelling on finer points of etiquette, but this one felt like, “Two people find someone they can be a little weird with.”

Jade Jones approaches Belle with a commendable playfulness and a groundedness and has the most raw, powerful voice I’ve heard in this role. The song "A Change in Me" has never hit me so hard before. I did feel like some of the impressive vocal gymnastics she displayed detracted a tiny bit from the character's sincerity, but really enjoyed them nonetheless. I'd previously enjoyed Jones as Little Red in Into the Woods at Ford's Theatre, but was even more impressed by her nuanced work here.

Evan Ruggiero made a wonderfully versatile Beast and a fantastic match for Jade Jones' Belle. Their dynamic was a joy to behold-- 'joy' really is the word, because watching the depressed and self-destructive Beast discover a new sense of joy in life was beautiful. I knew he is an acclaimed dancer, but Ruggiero's vocal work shocked me. I don't know how he sustained the Beast's incredibly deep, growly, harsh voice (I wonder if he was speaking through a voice modulator?) when his own natural voice, heard in interviews, has a much lighter timbre.

His singing voice is beautiful, both rich and delicate. I saw a mixed review disparage that he sounds scary when he speaks but sings "like someone from Les Miserables," but that cracked me up-- the role of the Beast on Broadway was originally played by Terrence Mann, indeed "someone from Les Miserables" (the original Broadway Javert). I personally think a Beast with a lovely singing voice isn't incongruous; the songs express his inner feelings with an elegance he cannot convey out loud.

If there's one slight downside to his performance, it's that his animalistic portrayal of the Beast meant he was always hiding his face with his hunched posture in the first act. While his body language ably communicated his character's growth, it meant that those of us in the mezzanine could hardly see his face before his big act one finale song. Then again, this was probably intentional-- we don't really get to know the Beast until Belle does.

I've discovered from the MANY performances of Beauty and the Beast I've seen that I like the Beast's costumes best when they're not attempting to replicate the character's look in the movie or going for extremely elaborate muscle suits and facial prostheses but are more impressionistic. Ruggiero's Beast simply wears a super shabby outfit, a long greasy wig, impressive curling ram's horns on his head, a bit of dark eye makeup, and furry gloves and matching boot. The rest is all his body language and voice.

Ruggiero lost a leg to cancer 10 years ago and now performs with a prosthesis-- in this production, a cool-looking, time-period-appropriate peg leg. (A post on his instagram applauds the skill of the makers of the peg leg: the fit and suction is so good that at one point, Gaston drags him across the stage by it, a gasp-inducing moment and certainly one that shows the extent of his villainy). He uses his prosthesis to creative effect in several scenes, especially when fighting off wolves. He also climbs up and down a super long curvy staircase while belting out high notes with ease, which surprised and impressed me while also making me confront my own ignorant assumption about his ability.

The actor's disability also helps put a different spin on the character's backstory. When we see the young prince at the beginning of the show, he's portrayed as a child and pushed around in a wheelchair by Cogsworth. His servants physically push him anywhere he wants them to, and when they offer him food, drinks, or the enchantress' rose, he brattily throws them to the ground. There's a Colin Craven vibe to the young prince. By portraying the prince as an actual child, we get the sense that he's both spoiled and neglected. The script bears hints of this, telling us the curse has been in effect for 'ten years' (but isn't he almost 21?) and the Beast mentions that he only learned to read "a little" and long ago. Did an illness or accident mean the young prince's formal education or etiquette training was interrupted? Is he babied because of this? Was he shut away from the world because of his disability before he was shut away due to the curse? Where are his royal parents anyway?

This sense of arrested development comes through very well in Ruggiero's portrayal. There is an innocent boyishness to the Beast that comes out in the second act, and his rages seem more like tantrums than genuinely scary. He even wears the tattered remains of his childhood velvet suit. No wonder this poor guy's messed up-- he went through puberty in a Beast's body. When he transforms into a handsome prince at the end, it's a version of himself he's never gotten to see before. While the physical transformation itself isn't anything major visually, he sells it with his character's utter delight. (And yes, he still has a peg leg as the Prince. He spins around on it. It’s neat!) I was so charmed by this version of the Beast/ Prince.

Beauty and the Beast has a third lead role that is not a title character... or, perhaps, is a little of both. That's Gaston, who has a MUCH larger role than almost any other villain I can think of, sharing fairly equal stage time with the Beast and with more to sing. Michael Burrell was an absolute delight to watch as Gaston and was both my husband’s and my favorite part of the show-- which is saying something, because all of the leads were great. He's portrayed less, er, 'rapey?' than many other Gastons I've seen, instead an utterly self-absorbed jock who does hilarious nonstop calisthenics to try to impress Belle in his solo number, "Me." His physical comedy skills are top-notch, his powerful voice rumbles through the score with agility, and he has impeccable timing and chemistry with John Sygar's funny and energetic LeFou.

He doesn't have the looming physical presence you might expect of Gaston, but I liked that for this particular production. Gaston solely defines himself by his peak physical ability. No wonder he is so appallingly ableist toward the Beast (and, in a different sense, Maurice). LeFou plays a sort of coach for him, and the big production number "Gaston" turns into a series of athletic drills that Gaston and LeFou lead. This takes on a more menacing vibe in "The Mob Song" when it seems he was unknowingly training his own personal militia all along.

Despite being extremely funny in the first half of the show, we see the clear moment when Gaston goes fully to the dark side-- it's when Belle slaps him in the face in front of all of the villagers after he offers to release her father if she marries him. We saw him earlier ranting about how being "dismissed, rejected, and publicly humiliated" is more than he can bear, meltdown averted only by LeFou and company cheering him up with a song about how great he is. Now there's no cheerful song to stop him and we see him go past a point of no return into sheer ice-cold villainy. When he's dragged off the stage by wolves after a dirty fight with the Beast-- a new death for the character-- it feels fitting.

It's worth noting that Burrell not only plays Gaston, he also understudies the Beast. He's played both roles before. Now that's duality! Before watching this show, I mentioned that I've seen some disappointing Gastons in past productions. They almost never strike the right balance of humor and villainy. He did it better than any I've ever seen!

The other lead actors in this show were quite enjoyable, too. Bobby Smith (a longtime favorite actor of mine) and Dylan Arredondo were side-splittingly funny and played off each other super well as Lumiere and Cogsworth. Despite their bickering, the two seemed like the best of chums and seemed to be having the time of their lives together. (I wished we could hear both of them sing more-- both have very pleasant voices and Bobby Smith is a talented dancer!)

Their scenes were always highlights, while they drag in some other productions. Like this production's Gaston, Smith didn't come across as inappropriately sexual or gross like Lumiere sometimes does, mostly just goofy. Not all of the silly comic bits blocked into these scenes worked, but enough did to make the audience laugh uproariously. And they gave a lightness to the potentially existential scenes in which the household objects contemplate their fates-- this version of the show felt more warm and light than those I've seen in the past.

Kelli Blackwell had a warm maternal presence as Mrs. Potts (and also played the ghostly figure of Belle's mother in the beginning of the show, too?) and sounded wonderful on the title song. Some of the other numbers seemed a little outside her alto range, though, and I wondered if she may have been losing her voice and had an off-night or if she usually struggled with those parts. I had an understudy for the role of Madame de la Grande Bouche, a bit disappointing at first because she's normally played by another one of my favorite local actors (Tracy Lynn Olivera), but understudy Erica Leigh Hansen sounded absolutely gorgeous on those operatic high notes!

The whole ensemble seemed to be having a blast, interacting with each other in fun and creative ways. One highlight of the show was when the baker was chased offstage during the castle fight by cutlery wielding a giant baguette (a set piece previously used in "Be Our Guest") and screamed, "MARIE! THE BAGUETTE!" The cast had a LOT to do. It's a much smaller ensemble than I'm used to for this show, and many not only doubled as townspeople and household objects, they actually played multiple different household objects in one song.

Ensemble member Connor James Reilly stood out as the Enchantress, dancing gracefully on pointe. I do not know what pronouns Reilly uses, but I have never seen such a tall dancer on pointe before and the effect was cool. As a villager, Reilly appears to be selling puppets of the Beast. That raises an intriguing question: is the Beast a local urban legend? Is he the village's own version of the Bunnyman?

Unfortunately, the choreography in the show seemed a little simplistic and uneven, which is a shame because many of the cast members can DANCE! I would have liked a little more 'oomph!' from the long dance breaks built into this score. Another uneven theatrical element was the costumes. Some of them, like Belle's ballgown (which looks much better in person than in pictures) and the main household objects' baroque costumes, look fantastic. Some work in a simple but effective way, like Gaston and the villager's warm-toned color coding and the Beast's minimalist get-up. But the more minor household objects, which require very quick changes as they switch from costume to costume, have an amateurish and unfinished look to them.

I wrote another long, obsessive review of Creative Cauldron's Beauty and the Beast back in 2019, an even lower-budget production, and noted that despite awesome creative elements, they just had too many people and costumes for the very small performance space. I almost felt the opposite with this one: they sometimes didn't seem to have enough people to fill the stage. In some scenes, the emptiness seems to reinforce the loneliness that the Beast and sometimes Belle feel. In others, it just feels... unfinished. In both productions, the low budget sometimes showed, but so did the heart.

I did very much enjoy the simple set here, though. We're surrounded by the cavernous walls that represent the Beast's castle. In the castle scenes, a big staircase pops out of the wall and cobweb-covered chandeliers fall from the ceiling. (I guess Babette's not a very good feather duster.) In the village scenes, they retreat back into the set. The real crowning glory of the show was their imaginative take on the rose: a stained glass rose WINDOW. This worked beautifully-- because after all, how the heck is an audience going to be able to see a single rose petal fall from the mezzanine? The rose window lost panes as the show went on, like an ominously ticking countdown.

Although it didn't feel as big as a Broadway production, this show is imbued with the pure magic of theatre. Audiences young and old were clearly enjoying every minute while I was there. You will leave it feeling enchanted, invigorated, and maybe even empowered.

I mentioned before that I've always related more to the Beast than Belle. Heck, I even dressed up as a woman version of the Beast for AwesomeCon several years ago and posed for photos with every Belle I found. This was the first time I found myself putting myself in Belle's shoes, too. In this production, I felt like anyone can walk away feeling like they can be Belle, they can be the Beast, they can be anyone. Just don't be Gaston. That guy's a doofus. This tale as old as time has taken on new life and feels more universal and more magical than ever!

[daniel-profeta]

hi dan!! i'm a big fan of your video essays and i just started listening to your music recently but i'd say i'm a big fan of what i've heard so far too! i was just wondering have you ever listened to the musician will wood? since you've been diving into jack stauber's work a lot i was curious if you've ever come across any of will wood's stuff since they seem to be popular in many similar niche circles, their styles have a lot of similarities but are also both very unique, and i've never seen anything like either of them.

if you're interested in checking out will wood's stuff i definitely recommend starting with "the normal album." it's a nice blend of the multiple styles will has taken on over the years and is probably my favorite album of all time. from there, if you enjoy the more chaotic, fast-paced will wood stuff go with his earlier works, and if you enjoy the more sentimental folk-adjacent stuff check out his more recent albums. if you'd prefer to start with a specific song as just a taste, i'd recommend either "love, me normally" or "suburbia overture"

thanks again for all you're creating, i'm very much looking forward to your jack stauber video part 3 and i truly hope you get to interview him someday. i've always gravitated towards art that celebrates being an outsider and embraces unconventional methods of storytelling, and i love how your video essays are able to shine a spotlight on how beautiful these strange pieces of media can be.💜

I adore Will Wood's material!! Highly recommend it to anyone who hasn't heard, go in with no expectations, it's fun.

More Jack Stauber content is on the way, but I'm currently working on a couple other videos first (finally got my computer back!!)

We are Legion, see you around.

[frommybookbook]

Cicadas

I don't typically write non-fiction but this piece has been rattling around in my brain (pun somewhat intended, you'll get it if you read it) for ages now so I finally put it to paper. I wasn't sure what to do with it so I'm throwing it up here. Light content warning for neurological conditions, specifically brain cysts and tinnitus.

I've always loved cicadas. In my mind, I associate them with the golden summers of my childhood—those late August days that burned into fall, urging me to wring every last drop of freedom out of them before going back to school. 

I found their big green bodies fascinating and beautiful, with their delicate wings and filament legs that still carried around such a substantial weight for an insect. The holes they left when they emerged from the ground were their own source of entertainment. I'd find tiny sticks and miniscule pebbles and fill them up, trying to imagine how deeply underground these strange creatures had been sleeping, just waiting for the summer sun to let them know it was time to wake up. 

I even loved the shells they left behind when their adult bodies broke free from their nymph forms. When I was really young, probably no more than 5, my grandpa and I would make a game of seeing how many intact shells we could find on our daily adventures on the farm. I'd scour the trees, hunting for their dull brown husks clinging to the bark, and then carefully pluck them free and carry them carefully to drop in Grandpa's outstretched hand. He'd take the best ones and hook them on the threads of my t-shirt, telling me they were my very special jewels and I'd wear them with such pride. 

But most of all, I loved the cicadas' song: the clattering hiss of the individuals coming together to make one rush of sound, thrumming from the trees as the perfect soundtrack to a summer afternoon. When I close my eyes and think of my childhood running wild in the Missouri woods, the cacophony is always there. To this day, hearing a cicada can instantly transport me from my home on the east coast back to those Midwestern summers. 

A little more than 18 months ago, doctors discovered I have a rare neurological condition called a colloid cyst of the third ventricle. It's a relatively benign condition, at least for the time being, and often goes undiagnosed for years, only being discovered by accident in the process of diagnosing other conditions, which is what happened in my case. Because of this, not much is known about these cysts and there's no real treatment. Doctors think these cysts form in utero, meaning I've likely had this condition—and its few symptoms—all my life and just didn't realize it. 

One of these symptoms, in fact the most common one, is pulsatile tinnitus, or hearing your heartbeat in your ears. When my doctor asked me if I experienced this, I told him I didn't know, what did that even mean? He shared how other patients have described it: a low whooshing sound, one that thrums and hums in regular time, like hearing a drum beat underwater. I told him yes, I hear that. Often. I thought everyone did. 

Recently, I heard the first cicadas of the summer. It made me so happy, I immediately began smiling and paused in my walk to just enjoy my favorite song. When I got home, I shared that it made my day with some friends in a private slack. One of those friends replied that she recently learned that she can't always distinguish the sound of cicadas from her own, regular tinnitus and it felt like my world tilted on its axis. 

It's possible that I've had pulsatile tinnitus my whole life. As a society, we spend so little time talking about our bodies with others and sharing our experiences. It's taboo to ask your friends "hey, do you hear things like this? do you feel these sensations? have you ever experienced this?" so we don't and we go on thinking everything is fine and normal because we have no other frame of reference. 

I don't know when I started to hear the thrumming whooshing in my ears. It's been a part of me as long as I can remember, just like my freckles and the birthmark on my thigh and the cowlick in my hair. 

And maybe that's why I've always loved the song of the cicadas. Because unconsciously I recognized their pulsing, thrumming, cacophony as the same sound rattling around in my body my whole life.

[spikybanana]

Decided to send it this way because apparently I can add music again at random?? (lies. it worked last night? i dunno. i'm not editing) Anyhow, have fun. Lots of great songs here, but not everyone's taste. The 90s were...an odd time, for music especially, but I'll always love it. (i wised up this time and went with spotify links instead of youtube because some of these videos are...wild)

Zombie by The Cranberries (fun fact about this one: Bad Wolves recently covered it and it is fantastic)

Everlong (acoustic) by Foo Fighters (the regular version is fine too but acoustic is far superior)

What's My Age Again by Blink-182 (barely 90s, but still within the decade)

One Headlight by The Wallflowers

Hunger Strike by Temple of the Dog

Iris by Goo Goo Dolls

Disarm by Smashing Pumpkins (nasally, yes. still good)

Nookie by Limp Bizkit (look, i'm not going to sit here and say that i actually like this song, but you can't dive into the 90s without experiencing Nookie at least once. and it brings back fun memories)

Break Stuff by Limp Bizkit (on the slightly better side of Limp Bizkit, though that side is admittedly limited)

Comedown by Bush (but look, if you like the music and his voice, just look up Bush period. they're fantastic and they've been around forever. they released an album in 2011 that's just wonderful)

Off He Goes by Pearl Jam (i am admittedly not the largest fan of Pearl Jam - though Sirens is a great song, just a later release - but this song hits a place that's just ugh. i even wrote a fic based around it years ago)

Let Her Cry by Hootie and the Blowfish (there's a lot of flack around them but this song is great. people can argue with me all they want, i'll never hear it)

I'm going to stop now because I could honestly go on and on. But I'll give you all you want from any decade between now and the 50's. I've got them all.

ALRIGHT YES LETS GO I'M SO EXCITED. SORRY this took me so long to get around to but guess who finally got stable wifi for an hour lmao.

the links work! that's neat.

Zombies: I've always known the chorus, in the context of a um philosophy conjecture about perfectly normal looking persons who actually have no consciousness/ mind. but this is somehow the first time I heard the whole song properly. I love this voice, got chills from the first line of lyrics. and oh my fucking god, the cover is brilliant yes!

Everlong: I think I like the acoustic version better too. it's so much more intimate and kind of unsettling in the tugging-on-your-heartstring way?? oh also I just realised I've listened to The Pretender by Foo Fighters a lot recently

What's my age again: oh this is so fun. I see and hear the "fuck all this I don't want to adult also listen *insert rly fucking dumb joke*"

One headlight: I like these lyrics! It reminds me of Norwegian Woods but more hopeful.

Hunger Strike: hm this is a bit slow on first listen. I think I like the sounds and the voice more than the lyrics

Iris: okay yeah this is nice, sounds kind of weightless!

Disarm: THIS VOICE is so. recognisable. no that's not the word. it's still so strange but I'm so fascinated, like I'd listen more and hyperfixate on that voice for hours. Also the lyrics reminded me of remus.

Nookie: lyrics of songs are slow to make sense to me in general but this one is especially confusing lmao. also I'd still prefer the loud 'bzzzzz' to tech electro pop whatever it's called

Break Limit: ahahaha I might take your word for it r.e. the rest of the album. I'm not cool enough for this ie will probably only likes rap when it's in a musical

Comedown: eh. (I don't know what in my brain is deciding all this. it's probably more a coin toss.) (wait wait wait no it got better) (lyrics are still *shrug*) (they've got so much stuff though?? & are still around!) (More Than Machines sounds cool)

Off He Goes: oooh. ye I like this one. can I 👀 👀 👀, that fic 👀 👀,,, any chance? 👀 👀 👀 👀

Let Her Cry: flackety flack, probably nothing I'd ever even come across. I like this song. It's been a while since a song reminded me of a (non-fictional) person ;3;

[karlajoyner]

Worst Enemy (Charlie Gillespie x Reader)

A/n: Sorry this took so long! I just wasn't sure how I wanted to go about this request since I haven’t read that much smut lately to be fully inspired. I read a lot of 5 seconds of summer smut to say the least. Calum Hood smut to be exact and my fingers couldn’t stop typing after that.😂 But I hope you guys like it! Please let me know if you do! Don't read it if you just want a normal imagine. Some normal ones coming soon. Also I have an upcoming announcement after I hit 150 followers!

Requested by: irwindshield (Wattpad)

Warnings: Super Smutty (18+)

————

"And action!" Kenny shouted.

I scowled at the boy in front of me who looked just as mad as I was.

"Seriously Luke your gonna tell me that you and Julie don't have anything going on"

"Y/c/n I already told you we don't! Isn't that enough?!" Charlie spoke standing up from his seat on the couch.

"No it's not. Not when you spent all weekend writing love songs together"

"It was one song and it wasn't about each other"

"One song still means something"

"Why does it even matter to you I'm single now? Isn't that what you wanted? To be free well now you're free to be with whoever you want or did you forget what happened with Reggie?"

"Nothing happened with Reggie. We were joking around. It's not my fault your jealous!" I shouted in frustration.

"Look who's talking" He said getting up in my face. Both our chests heaving in anger as we stared at each other angrily.

"You know what Patterson even when we're both dead I still regret ever falling in love with you all those years ago" I spoke through gritted teeth. I turned around dramatically to walk away, only to have Charlie grab me by the wrist and spin me around. Our faces now inches apart.

In aggravation he crash his lips onto mine shoving his tongue into my mouth. I huffed wrapping my arms around his neck to pull him closer. We both fought for dominance as his hands found their way around my waist lifting me up in the air.

I got so caught up in the heated make out session I almost didn't hear Kenny yell for the end of the scene.

"Cut!" He shouted Charlie immediately letting me go. I scoffed pushing myself away from him to see his hair disheveled, his lips plump, and smeared with my red lipstick. I'd be lying if I didn't admit I wanted to finish what we started now. But I couldn't do that when the insanely hot actor I wanted to push me up against the wall also happened to be my worst enemy.

"That was great guys!" Kenny said walking towards us.

"We might reshoot tomorrow if we have time since this is a kids show and that was a little too not kid friendly. Maybe hold back on the tongue"

"You got it Kenny"

"It's already late enough thank you two for staying back tonight we really had to get this in. Have a good night!"

"It was no problem. See you tomorrow" I smiled at our director as he walked away. I turned back to the boy beside me glaring at him.

"Well that was shitty. He's right you use way too much tongue. It was like Niagara Falls" I spoke using hand gestures. I watched the brunette roll his eyes in annoyance making me grin. Turning back around I began to walk back towards my trailer deciding to just turn in my costume tomorrow. Like I had done so many times after shooting until the am.

"You know I've had plenty of people who think my kissing is amazing" Charlie spoke walking a few feet away from me seeing as his trailer was right beside mine. Unfortunate perks of playing love interest who broke up in the show.

"I hate to break it to you Charles but they lied"

"Shut up. I'm done with your shit for the day"

"You know if there's one thing I hate more than having to shoot a scene so late it's having to shoot it with you Gillespie"

"Yeah well it's no fun for me either. I mean having to make out with a fucking jerk and act like I'm in love with her. Isn't exactly the highlight of my year!" He whispered shouted making sure no one heard us. It was late and the very few people who stayed in their trailers were probably dead asleep due to how long filming went on today.

"Not for me either! Why do you hate me so much? I swear I tried to be fucking nice to you when we met"

"Please you were anything but nice" He argued making me facepalm.

"You fucking liar! I introduced myself. I stuck my hand out for you to shake and you completely denied it. If anything you're the prick and the asshole!" I shouted reaching the outskirts of my trailer.

Suddenly I felt my body collide with the cold vehicle behind me and a cold hand landing on my mouth. My eyes widened looking up at the man in front of me who's chest was heaving.

"You wanna say that to my face y/l/n" He spoke through gritted teeth.

"Look we both promised that we'd keep this little feud between us a secret for the sake of the show and our cast mates. So if you don't shut that big mouth of yours we might just get caught" He whispered making me roll my eyes.

Finally coming back to my senses I removed his hand from my mouth, looking him straight in the eyes.

"You fucking prick" I repeated myself seeing what he would say next. But he didn't say anything. Not a word.

I watched his face closely as his eyes flickered to my lips. He slowly leaned forward hesitant on his actions. Rolling my eyes I took initiative, smashing my lips onto his. I let out a breath as he lifted my leg up to pull me closer. Nearly letting a moan escape as I felt his hard on press against the front of my jeans.

"Can't even fucking make the first move. How fucking dry your sex life must be" I panted teasingly as we pulled away.

"Shut the fuck up" He whispered pressing his lips to mine once more with such a force. I immediately kissed back realization hitting me. We were in the middle of a parking lot filled with trailers.

I pushed him away taking his hand leading him to my trailer that wasn't too far. He complied following closely behind. Pressing his body into mine as I unlocked the door as quick as possible. I stepped into the trailer switching on the dim light. I bit my lip turning around to finally face Charlie who stood there with his beautiful blue eyes darkened with lust.

"Are we really gonna do this?" I asked leaning on the counter in the small kitchen area.

"I don't know. I-I mean we don't have to if you don't want to. We could just leave it here if that's w-what you want"

"Well what do you want?" I asked raising an eyebrow. I watched as his body shifted uncomfortably as I removed the jean jacket on my body leaving me in a silky satin cami.

"I really wanna fuck you" He responded biting his lip. My stomach filling with butterflies getting the response I was hoping for.

"Then do it" I stated watching as he made his way towards me. Crashing his lips onto mine. I let out a huff as he lifted me off the ground and pushed me onto the counter roughly. My back hitting the wood behind me forcefully.

"Seriously?" I panted pulled away from the kiss first.

"Sorry" He muttered sheepishly before diving into my neck. Finding a spot to suck on. I craned my neck allowing him more access not even caring that I'd have to deal with the makeup team tomorrow.

Before giving it a second thought I pulled off my top tossing it across the room leaving me in a teal Lacey bra. The same color of the cami I was wearing.

"Holy fuck" Charlie whispered most blankly admiring the view. I let out a giggle tugging at his shirt as well signaling I wanted it off. He quickly got the message.

It was my turn to drool seeing his tightly toned abs turning me on even more than I already was. I was knocked out of my trance by Charlie kissing me passionately once more. My eyes fluttering shut, pulling the hairs on his neck. Our tongues now fighting for dominance.

His hands moved away from my waist to my back. Unhooking my bra from my body. We shifted slightly, the material being flung across the room. Within seconds his hands roamed my body freely once more. A groan escaping my mouth as his lips moved down my neck.

Until eventually settling on my nipple. My core was now throbbing in anticipation of his next moves.

I bit my lip trying to keep quiet but at the rate his hands were moving it was nearly impossible. I watched as he moved down my body. Undoing my jeans quickly.

I whimpered as Charlie spread my legs apart. Toying with the thin fabric of the panties I was wearing. Feeling myself getting wetter by the second I grasped onto his hair. "Fuck Charlie please" I whined as he began to place kisses up my thighs. Each one a little longer than the last.

"Please what?"

"Don't make me fucking ask again Gillespie. I don't beg" I spoke pulling him harder from his hair. Forcing him to look up at me.

He growled at my actions ripping apart the fabric and tossing it off to the side.

My back arched feeling his slender fingers enter me. A loud moan escaping my lips as he skillfully pumped his fingers in and out of my entrance.

I bit my lip tightly opening my legs wider to give him better access. Only to feel the feeling of pleasure leave my body.

"What the fu-" My words were cut off by Charlie grabbing me by the thighs. Pulling me closer to the edge of the counter.

"Holy shit" I moaned as he dipped his head between my legs to attach himself to my now sensitive cunt. Sucking on it harshly with no hesitation. His tongue moved around so effortlessly. I threw my head back as my fingers entangled into his hair wanting to feel him now more than ever.

"So fucking good" He groaned pulling away to add two fingers. Doubling the satisfaction. My lips parting to slightly as my eyes screwed shut.

"Charlie I'm s-so close" I muttered feeling his fingers spread up. Within seconds he sent me over the edge. Pleasure coursing through my body. I panted loudly attempting to steady my breathing. Watching as Charlie stood up. Lifting his glistening fingers up to his lips sucking off every last drop of cum that coated them. I let out another moan at the sight feeing myself getting turned on again.

"You okay?" He asked raising an eyebrow at me. I giggled seeing his already plump lips swollen.

"Perfectly fine Charles" I spoke wiping off my juices running down his chin with a towel nearby.

"A thousand times better now actually"

"I'm glad to hear you say that baby. Cause I'm not done with you" He whispered holding me firmly by the waist.

"Oh really?" I asked raising an eyebrow at the boy.

"Well unless you wanna wait until tomorrow after our first date"

"First date? Are you asking me out?"

"So what if I am? You got a problem with it y/l/n?"

"Nope. No problem here. Well except for the fact that I'm all dirty and sweaty" I said running my fingers through his messy hair.

"Well that just won't do for my princess will it? Round 2 in the shower?" He questioned making me laugh.

"If you think you can make me cum again then yes" I laughed pulling him into a passionate kiss.

"Oh I know I can" He mumbled into my lips before lifting me off the counter. I giggled as he walked to the bathroom in the back of the trailer. The small confined space making me realize just how hot he actually was. It was. I balanced myself as he put me down to turn on the water. I began to set it at a warm temperature, Listening as Charlie stripped himself of the rest of his clothes from behind me.

"Your so beautiful" Charlie whispered wrapping his arms around my waist from behind.

"Mmm you weren't saying that last week"

"I wasn't saying it but I was thinking it" He spoke as I felt something poking me from behind.

"You think about me?" I asked turning around to face him.

"A lot" He responded as I walked backwards. The warm water hitting me from above for a split second before my back hit the cold wall.

"Good" I responded as he pinned me up against the wall.

I huffed as his large hands grabbed me from behind my thighs. Wrapping my legs around his waist. Our make out session getting more heated by the second. Pulling him closer wanting nothing more than to feel him inside of me.

He was quick to line himself up to my entrance. Entering me slowly.

"C-can I move?" He asked after a moment. I nodded thankful he let me adjust to his size.

Within seconds we both were a wreck as he pounded into me. A string of curse words leaving our lips as the warm water fell over us.

I moaned as he hit my g-spot. My legs becoming weaker the faster he moved. I felt familiar knot forming at the pit of my stomach as he let out a noise of disgruntlement.

"Fuck baby I'm almost there"

I nodded along. Not daring to attempt to form any words. Both of us reaching our climax one after the other.

"We should do this again sometime. You know after our date" He grinned placing me down gently.

"I agree" I spoke moving under the water. I sighed contently as his arms wrapped around me from behind. His lips grazing my skin as he place chaste kisses upon it. A small smile forming on my face.

As much as this was the end of our little feud it also a new beginning to a new relationship.

————

Up Next: Owen Patrick Joyner x Reader

Sacha Carlson x Reader

Booboo Stewart x Reader

Send in your requests!

[purple-stuck]

Hi It's me again! I hope my excessive rambling in the tags wasn't too annoying I just really loved that drabble you wrote

If it's not too much can I request something with Sollux and Gamzee meeting in the subjugglator training ranks after Ascension?

I'd really love to hear what your headcanons might be or what fics you take inspiration from about subjugglators off-planet

Breathe in.

Breathe out.

Gamzee's breath was perfectly steady, his heartbeat perfectly level, his mind completely calm. Even as he hopped from platform to platform, moving at speeds imperceivable to the naked eye, his body remained impossibly calm. Such was the Messiahs' gift to him and all purplebloods like him. With training, they could command their body to do the impossible.

Gamzee stopped atop a thin pole, claws digging into his perch as he got his barings. A sea of bloodied spikes spread out around him, ensuring him a slow death should he miss even a single pole or platform. But beyond that, lie his goal. His target. The horned outline of which was a mere speck in his vision.

Breathe in.

Breathe out.

Gamzee felt the wood begin to give way beneath his weight and lept to another perch, hoping between poles and bouncing away before the could bend against him. Thoughtlessly, he reasoned out the closest platform in between leaps. Automatically, he twisted his body to reach them. His body twisted in ways that crack and snap the bones of any other caste. If the graveyard full of mangled bones below him was any indication, even other purples struggled to make such moves.

Soon, Gamzee's shadow was cast over his prey. A club appeared in his hand, upraised so as to crack open his target's skull in one swing.

For the first time since this lesson began, his breath hitched.

Gamzee's feet hit the ground, his momentum stopped dead. His club hung over his target's shoulder.

Breathe. In.

Breathe. Out.

At this distance, Gamzee could see that his target wasn't even a troll at all. Rather, he'd been tasked with assassinating a mannequin, a hard plastic replica of his would be victim. Gamzee felt his posture relax before he pulled his club back and cracked the target's head of with one swing.

Purple paint sprayed over Gamzee as the body hit the floor and he turned to his audience and bowed.

The audience cheered as the lights flashed on, a cacophony of honks, whoops, and cheers as the stage was revealed in full. If he bothered to look towards the pit, Gamzee could see all the remains of the clowns who came before him and failed. He did not look.

"well, would you look at that."

"HE ACTUALLY MANAGED TO PASS."

Two ropes descended down around him, carrying the Twin Instructors, clad in their iconic matching masks. Comedy's voice was sing song, contrasting Tragedy's melancholy just as their half masks contrasted their mood. Gamzee looked up to see half of Tragedy's face grinning down at him.

"still, you haven't quite managed to beat our record."

"MAYBE WE SHOULD HAVE HIM GO AGAIN."

The two broke into giggles, with the rest of the tent following. Gamzee heard a few voices call out for an encore and quietly hoped they wouldn't be heard. He didn't have it in him to go another round. He didn't know how Sollux did it so easily, controlling his body they way he did.

Tragedy leaned down and gave him an encouraging pat on the back, causing Gamzee to grin at him tiredly in between pants. Comedy leaned down to his other side, handing him a faygo and a rag.

"OH, BUT HE'S SO WORN OUT. WE WOULDN'T WANT TO BREAK OUR NEW FAVORITE."

"we'd love to share notes, but this isn't your show anymore. head to the lounge, it's time for the next act."

Gamzee chugged the bottle, nearly emptying it in two gulps as he walked off stage. He waved his thanks, to tired to talk, as he shoved his way through the curtains and into the lounge.

Gamzee finished his faygo as he lazily scanned the room. Normally, throwing a bunch of clowns into one room would be a recipe for disaster, but all was strangely quiet. It seemed like the others who passed the test were just as warn out from it as he was. It made him feel better to see his brothers and sisters laying around exhausted, half collapsed against walls or the couch. It made him proud to still be standing.

And then he saw Sollux, looking none the worse for wear as he hogged the couch. He smirked smugly as Gamzee made his way over, scooting over to let the shorter clown collapse next to him. "Jegus, you look like shit."

Gamzee flipped him off, causing Sollux to snort. "And you're acting like shit too. Maybe I'm a bad influence on you."

Gamzee snorted. "Shit man, I thought you didn't want me to be so friendly and clingy around you anymore." He wiped the sweat off his forehead, stopping to look at the facepaint that had melted onto his hand. "Although, a brother's got a point about. I ain't much to look at right now."

Sollux slid his half empty faygo down the table, which Gamzee guzzled happily. "Yeah, body control is hard. I've been doing it ever sense I grew hands and I still eat my swords sometimes. Nevermind the more advanced stuff."

Gamzee slammed the faygo bottle on the table. "Shit, man, my bones hurt. And my veins... and lungs. Fuck."

Sollux grunted and handed him a spare Nintendie Dualscream. "How about something to take your mind of it? It's been awhile sense I kicked your ass in Fiduspawn anyways."

It was Gamzee's turn to snort. "All right, you are on, motherfucker."

~

They were eight rounds in when the new clowns stopped coming in. Gamzee counted only five had made it in after him, but he was more focused on beating Sollux than keeping count. Either he'd gotten better or Sollux had gotten worse. The taller troll used to be able to kick his ass, now they were tied four to four. But, their fifth round was interrupted as two familar shadows were cast over them.

"DID YOU TWO BRING TOYS FROM BACK ON ALTERNIA ALONG?"

"just between the four of us, I've heard that's against the rules."

Gamzee and Sollux froze as the Twin Instructors leaned over them. Even Gamzee could feel everyone in the room staring at them. Gamzee had seen this set up before. Comedy and Tragedy learing over a helpless troll or two. Acting like they were just disappointed, like they were just going to give the rule breaker a stern talking to before they decapitated the mischief maker.

Instead, the twins doubled over into a giggling fit the spread through the room. The trolls around them joined in, some more nervously than others.

"JuSt KiDdInG!"

"WE KNOW OUR HIGHEST SCORERS..."

"....know better than to break the rules."

"AsSuMiNg YoU dId'T cHeAt!"

Sollux and Gamzee pushed themselves to their feet, hands moving to ask about their progress, but the duo pushed their hands aside.

"DON'T BOTHER WITH THAT."

"you're subjugulators now."

"YoU'rE oFfIcIaLlY fUnNy EnOuGh To LiStEn To!"

Gamzee let out a breath he hadn't realized he'd been holding. He heard Sollux do the same before the cheers erupted around them. Tragedy grabbed his arm and hoisted him into the air with it to bare before the crowd, leaving him and Sollux to gaze at their audience.

"GIVE OUR BOYS A ROUND OF APPLAUSE."

"well, those of you who still have hands anyways."

Gamzee looked over at Sollux, himself being held up for all to see by comedy. It was strange to see Sollux actually look nervous, even if they were seemingly in the Twin's good graces. Sweeps of living according to their capricious whims was enough to instill a lasting fear in anyone.

Even when granted verbal permission to speak, the two didn't make a peep as the twins hefted them over their shoulders. The twins cheerfully waved off the crowd as they carried the two ascendants to their office.

Gamzee grunted as he was dropped into a chair to small for him, hearing Sollux swear off to the right as the same happened to him. Comedy and Tragedy flopped into their chairs on the opposite end of the desk, kicking their feet up on it.

"normally, we'd take the time to talk about boring business shit with you."

"PREP YOUR ASCENSION SPEECH AND ALL THAT BLAH BLAH BLAH."

"BuT lIkE wE sAiD, wE hAvE nOtEs."

Sollux and Gamzee shared a nervous look, before Sollux straightened up and spoke. "What, uh, about exactly?"

Comedy shook a chidding finger in their faces.

"WHY, YOU BOTH HESITATED."

"tripped at the finish line."

"DeRaIlEd A pErFeCtLy GoOd ShOw."

Gamzee looked over at Sollux in suprise. Sollux... hesitated? But he was used to killing shit. Hell, that was his idea of a date night. Gamzee hardly had time to consider it before Tragedy leaned in his direction.

"now you we perfectly understand. you've never dabbled with fresh paint before."

"YOU'VE ONLY BEEN OFF THE SLIME FOR JUST THREE SWEEPS AT THAT."

"BuT iT's YoUr BuDdY wE'rE cUrIoUs AbOuT."

They both turned to Sollux expectantly. He scratched the back of hia head. "I... well. Something made me reconsider." He rested his hands in his head. "There was.... a kill I'd been planning for a really long time. Something... big. Special. And, when I landed that kill, when I did kill her and savor killing her... it just felt empty?"

Gamzee knew what he meant. The image of a cart drenched in Cerulean blood flashes in his mind. "I'd... rather not get any more into it than that."

The Twins tented their hands as they nodded sympathetically. Comedy even reached over to pat him on the shoulder.

"oh, we've both been there before."

"I DID ESPECIALLY."

Tragedy bent down and fished around beneath the desk, nearly banging his golden mask on it in the process.

"I STILL REMEMBER MY FIRST KILL."

He placed a white horned skull on the desk, carefully preserved and cleaned even though it seemed to have been centuries old. Still, the more Gamzee looked at it, the more it looked slightly off. The horns seemed to be... fake somehow. Like they were made of some kind of old plastic. And the skull's facial structure was all wrong. Too thin, too light, too delicate looking. It looked like a troll but not quite. If Karkat were here, he'd call it a mockery of troll kind.

"you'd think he'd be honored."

"MY VERY FIRST KILL. SHE WAS SO CLEVER AND BRUTAL THAT I NEVER THOUGHT I'D PULL IT OFF."

He rubbed the skull fondly, clearly nostalgic. Part of him sounded almost remorseful over it too, strangely enough. Like talking about a long dead friend or a beloved canceled show.

"BuT iT fElT sO eMpTy."

Sollux cleared his throat, clearly annoyed, even if he couldn't outright say it. Gamzee couldn't blame him. The twins liked to talk about their first two kills a lot. "So, what's your point?"

Tragedy sighed wistfully and Comedy playfully roled her eyes and elbowed him to get him back on topic.

"THE POINT IS, I WAS LOOKING FORWARD TO IT."

"and when it's over, it always feels...."

"AnTiClImAcTiC."

Sollux hummed and considered this, but Gamzee could tell he wasn't quite buying it. Gamzee could tell that something else was needling away at him. Something deeper than just that.

"you'll probably get that feeling too."

Gamzee straightened up as he realized they were addressing him again.

"HERE'S A TIP. DON'T LOOK INTO THEIR EYES. IT'LL ONLY MAKE YOU MISS THEM MORE."

Comedy slid two communicators across the desk.

"YOU CAN TALK IT OUT WITH YOU QUADS, NOW THAT YOU'RE ALLOWED TO SEE THEM AGAIN. YOUR BRONZE HEART AND RUST DIAMOND PROBABLY MISS YOU."

They nodded at Sollux.

"and the Empress will be happy to see her favorite clown is safe."

[merci-bitch]

My Sweet Little One part II

Rose The Hat x fem!reader

Warning(s): swearing, slight abuse, PDA? 

Words: 2,5k

A/N: It has been quite a while. Hasn’t it? Haha. Well there might be a part 3 to this. It’s not as long as the first part which is 8k, and I have no idea how to make links so sadly I can’t link it here. ;/ . Hopefully there will more stories coming soon!

I made Y/N mine, alright. And everyone knew it, for sure. The next night she laid in my bed, I made her scream my name until her vocal chords were raw and made sweat crack across her place physiognomy.

No one could have her body the way I do, specially that loathsome rube. But he doesn't matter now.' I told myself. Though I wanted to make him pay. Rip his heart out and eat it on a silver platter after making him after making him suffer. Who the hell does he think he is? Laying his hands on my Y/n. They might both be steamy but he should see me. Oh yes, I am a cathedral compared to his small amount of steam.

"Rosie?" Y/n's voice pulled me out of my self induced trance. "Yes love?" I hummed. "You were zoning off again. Is something the matter?" I loved hearing the sweetness in her voice. It was like music to my ears.

"No darling, I'm quite alright." I smiled and placed my lips against hers and gave her a soft kiss. 'If only she knew though.' I thought to myself but shoved that aside for the moment. I could feel her soft hands gently caressing my bare skin and moved closer to her. Normally I preferred being the big spoon but on this moment, I didn't quite mind. She was home now and has been for quite a few weeks but still, I missed her.

"You're sure?" I nodded and ran my hands through Y/n's hair. "You're so pretty. You know that right?" She nodded and I smirked. "There is no one quite like you." Y/n's cheeks flushed cherry red and I chuckled. "No shame, darling. I only speak the truth."

"I know." She gave me a small smile that made me swell up inside. "Have you thought about my offer?" Y/n let out a sigh and I sat up. "I have but-"

"But what?" I tried my hardest not to sound angry. "When you stabbed me before, you told me it was for steam?" I nodded cordially. "Is that...what you guys eat?"

"Does it matter?" I expected to have her argue with me a little bit but surprisingly she didn't. Which I was thankful for. I took Y/n's hands gently in my own and kissed them. "Look, I know it's hard for you to wrap your head around but their pain is our gain. Don't you want to have a life with me? Unconditional bliss?"

She looked down as she slowly sat up and started fumbling with her hands. I wanted to say things, but I didn't want her to run away again. I didn't want to lose her again. She was mine, and only mine.

—— You don't know what it's like, not knowing who you are. To have lived in the shadows and to have travelled this far. Now I've seen a flashes of fire and echos of screams. But I still have faith, faith that someday my memories will come back.

In my dreams, it's all real. And my heart has so much to reveal. And my dreams seems to say, 'don't be afraid to go on, don't give up hope, come what may.' I know it will all come back! One day!

In my dreams shadows call. There's a light at the end a hall. Then my dreams fade away, but I know it will all come back one day. I just remember, rain against the windows. Sheets upon a bed. Terrifying nurses whispering overhead.

It was all strange. Rose, everyone. They say I was found on the side of the road. It had recently rained. In the darkness and cold with the wind in the trees. A girl with no name, and no memories but these above. I don't know a thing before that. Traveling the back roads, sleeping in the wood. I was always taking what I needed, working when I could. Keeping up my courage, foolish as it seems.

In my dreams I've always dreamed of a city. I dream of a city beyond all compare. Is it Paris? Paris... A beautiful river, a bridge by a scare and I hear a simple voice whisper, 'I'll meet you right there in Paris.' Paris.

Dancing bears, painted wings. Things I almost remember, and a song someone sings. It's almost December. Once upon a December. Someone holds me safe and warm. Horses prance through a silver storm. Figures dancing gracefully and across my memory.

Far away, long ago. Glowing dim as an ember and things my heart used to know and things it yearns to remember. And a song someone used to sing.

Heart don't fail me now and courage don't desert me. Don't turn back now that we're here. People have always said, life is full of choices and they aren't wrong but they never mentioned fear. Or how the world can seem so vast. On a simple journey to the past.

Somewhere down this road. I know someone true is waiting. Years of dreams just can't be wrong! Someone's arms will open wide and I'll be safe and wanted. Finally a place where I belong. Well, starting now I'm learning fast! On my journey to my past.

Home, love and family. There has to be a time where I had them too. I wouldn't be complete until I find you. But always one step at a time. One hope, then another. Who knows where this road may go? I wanna go back to who I was. On to find my future. There are things my heart still needs to know. Yes! Let this be some kind of sign and let this road be mine. Let it lead me to my past, and bring me home. At last!

—

"So, when the fuck was you gonna tell me."

"Hm? Tell you what my dear."

"Cut the sweet act Rose."

"What's wrong with you? Did they tease you again? You want tea?"

"Oh fuck you."

"Watch it."

"Watch it?! You have some fucking nerve Rose."

"Excuse me?"

"You heard me. The fuck did you think was gonna happen?"

"Seriously, what do you mean Y/N."

"Did you think I was gonna forget your words? Think I was gonna forget how useless and worthless you called me?"

"Y/N, I-"

"Shut it. I know exactly what you said, I'm not stupid or will I ever fall for some cover up you're calling this. I was happy without you!"

"You would never survive without me!"

"I did perfectly well for 10 fucking years Rose!"

"You call that happy?! With that Danny? You call that happy Y/N?"

"He loved me! He took care of me! More then you'd ever done, he took me for what I was. He picked up the pieces you broke."

"You better watch it. I don't mind killing you myself."

"See, this is exactly where you and I are different. I spend years not fitting in but thinking it was fine. Cause you were 'there' and cuddled me. Did you ever really love me? Cause you're blaming me for everything here, when it actually was you who fucked it up."

"I fucked it up?! You were the one who was so fucking ungrateful!"

"Ungrateful?! I have a fucking soul!"

"No, you don't! Cause you fucking sold it to the devil. You're not human. We turned you Y/N!"

"Excuse me what?"

"What?"

"No, don't change subject. What did you say?"

"Nothing."

"Did you fucking turn me without me saying you could?! Rose what the fuck!"

"What, you're mine. Just had to claim you. You'll be fine."

"Fine?! I don't wanna feed of dead kids Rosie!"

"They're actually quite delicious."

"You're fucking sick."

"Didn't stop you from fucking me."

"I didn't really have a choice."

"I didn't fucking rape you."

"Nah, it felt like it."

"You screamed my name out of pleasure."

"How come you were so sure of that?"

"I saw it, I saw your mind."

"What if that was just for play?"

"Oh, fuck you."

"I'd kill you if you tried."

"Oh, sweetheart. I'd like to see you try."

"Come at me."

"You can't be serious."

"Come kill me Rose."

"No."

"Coward."

"You're a bitch. A fucking bitch."

"Yet you put up with me for years. Took me back in when I was vulnerable. Loved me, well. Kind of. You held me close to you. Favorited me. So technically, I was your bitch."

"Exactly. You're my bitch."

"I was, not anymore."

"You'll always be my bitch. You're so weak for me, nothing will change that."

"Rose-"

"Begging already? Hm. Get on your knees."

"What?"

"Now!"

"Never."

"Get on your fucking knees before I make you."

"Make me then."

"You're playing with fire Y/N. I fucking hate you."

"Yeah, yeah. We've all heard that. How about something new?"

Before I knew it, her hand was wrapped around my throat. Holding me up in the air. Not a single piece of happiness or softness in her eyes. It was just dark. Her whole face was filled with anger. The veins in her throat showed as she strained. Her jaw clenched. Her hand squeezing harder around my throat. More and more air was ripped from my throat.

"You'll learn your fucking place. You disgraceful little piece of shit."

Her fingernails started to dig into the skin of my neck and my vision started to blacken out. Clawing at her hand. Choking on whatever air that was left in my lungs.

"R-Rosie-"

"Hm? Can't really hear you, my dear."

Her hand tightened even more and I felt my limbs go lump. Everything going dark.

-

"I don't know Abra. She's been gone for so long. She was missing when I came back from the bathroom at the cinema. You haven't seen anything?"

"No, I've been trying. It's like Rose is cutting her off from us."

"I just hope she's alright. She doesn't deserve all this."

"I know, but we'll find her."

—

"Sweetheart? Hey, wake up."

I felt someone slap my cheek. Groaning in pain, moving my head away. Slowly opening my eyes.

"Rose?"

"Yes, I'm right here."

"What happened?"

"My dear child, you passed out. You had a nightmare from sleeping and got up and started crying. Then you just dropped."

"Really? I don't remember."

"Oh, don't worry. I've got you."

Rose put her arms around me and pulled the covers over us, giving my forehead a kiss. I couldn't put my thought to it. Was that really what happened? I shook my head and snuggles close to Rose. Breathing in her scent. Relaxing. Smiling softly and looking up at her.

"What? What are you smiling about."

"Nothing."

"Come on, I can see there's something."

"I just -"

"Yes?"

"I love you, Rosie."

"I love you too Y/N."

—

"Rose? Is this really how it has to go?"

"Yes, my dear. Now come on. Stab her."

"I-I don't know, it's just a child."

"What have I told you before?"

"I-, their pain, our gain."

"That's it. Now come, feed your family."

Rose's hands were on my waist, her nose brushing against the back of my neck. I slowly raised the knife in the air. Feeling a sort of deja vu. Had I done this before? I couldn't have. Despite the child's cries, pleas and begging Rose was right. Their pain was our gain. I had to do this to feed the family. The true knot was my family.

Muttering a soft 'sorry' before stabbing the child. Stabbing it over and over again. Hearing both Rose's and Crow's laughter behind me. I felt angry for some reason, the child in front of me was the beat for my anger. The piece to take out all the unknown anger. Again and again. Until there was nothing left. Dropping the knife, shaking.

"You did so great, look at all that steam! Well last for weeks! If not even months. Good girl."

Rose gave me a wet kiss and stroked my cheek.

"Rosie?"

"Yes, my love?"

"Have I done this before?"

"What? Stabbing a child?"

"Yeah, I got like a deja vu."

"Well, haven't we all wished to kill children?"

Her carefree laughter filled the air. It didn't make any sense, but it had to.

"Yeah, I guess so."

"Don't be so sad now, poppet. You did well."

"It just feels weird. I was a child too once."

"We all were. But now we are adults, we are the true knot. We live as more powerful then pathetic rubes. You said so yourself."

"I did?"

"Right you did."

"Oh, I can't remember much."

Rose stroked my cheek again and pulled me against her. Rubbing my back and watched the moonlight with me. It was silent. Was it nice? Was it confusing? Was it awkward?

"I just, this doesn't feel right."

"What do you mean?"

"It's like I've been walking, but with my face turned to the sun. This weight on my shoulders. And I feel as if I need to run. I do what I can to please you and the others, I just feel like an outsider."

"This is your home, can't you hear freedom calling? Calling you to stay. Don't you feel it in your bones? You belong here."

"In the morning before the sun starts shining, we gotta start moving again, can I drive with you?"

"Always."

—

"So I'm gonna stand up, and take my people with me. Together we are going to our brand new home. Far across the river. Do you hear freedom calling? Calling you to answer their prayer."

"That's what you got?"

"Yes, it was all I could find out."

"It's not really helpful."

"I know, I don't know what's going on. Before it was so easy to track her."

—

"I go to prepare a place for you."

Rose watched you sleep. She knew it wouldn't be long until your memories would come back. Her and Crow had been talking about what to do with you. She didn't want to kill you. She did love you, but if she had to she would kill you. You were steamy but she didn't know if it was that good. She had only tasted it once, but it was only little bit.

It had tasted like flowers. For some reason each time Rose would think about it. She would feel this, this heavy feeling in her chest. She didn't know what it was. It couldn't be guilt, could it? No. Of course not. Rose The Hat never had guilt. She was a strong a confident woman. Powerful. The queen bitch of castle hell.

Rose O'Hara knew guilt, knee pain and specially weakness. Rose The Hat could never dream of getting on her knees for anyone.

If she had to kill the one thing she loved. She fucking would.

[n3k0c0]

"Endlessly"

         It was a normal day, like any other. The woods were alive with the birds chirping their song and the trees rustling in the gentle breeze. AJ sat in his garden out back, tending to his flowers and picking herbs for remedies. Ever since he had moved from his home and taken up the life of an apothecary he had lived a calm life, people occasionally coming to him for various remedies, serums, and things of the like. People called his gift for making such healing agents “a gift from the gods,” but he didn’t think so. He believed the gods looked down upon him, as his life before he left was truly the unluckiest one he could have lived. He learned to heal through hard work and dedication, and he wasn’t going to let it go to waste. He heard the back door to his house open, prompting him to look up. Standing on top of the steps that led to the garden was his dear friend, Roxas. He smiled softly and stood, quickly dusting off his apron before running over to Roxas. He stood a step below the boy as he waited for him to stop rummaging through his bag. Soon, Roxas pulled out a couple of small packages and handed them to AJ, who happily took them.

    “Managed to find what you needed. It was a little hard,” Roxas said, sheepishly scratching the back of his neck. AJ simply shook his head and smiled.

“Even if you found nothing I'd be grateful that you even took the time to look and go outside the town walls… You're the only one who does.”

“Well, as far as I know, no one else is good friends with an ex-prince who has worked night and day to get to where they are now.” Both boys shared a small laugh.

“How are Sora and Xion?”

“They're doing okay. Xion has started studying to be part of the the elite guard, and Sora's… Well, he's Sora.”

“Yeah, he is… And the elite guard! That's hard to get into with my father's stupid rules!”

“Well, she passed pretty much every test. She just has to go through physical in a couple of days, and she's been preparing like a madwoman.”

“Well, tell her I wish her luck. She's going to need it if my father will be supervising.”

“At least your sister, Ashlyn, will get the throne next. I'd hate to know what Amalthia would do if she ruled… Pray to the heavens that Ashlyn does step up soon.”

“I'm sure she will, given my father's condition when I left. He was sickly, but he tries to pass it off.”

“It's as if the gods want him gone, too…” Roxas said, winking. AJ giggled and led Roxas inside, where they unpacked the packages and set jars of liquid and jars of other materials in their proper places. Once that was done Roxas bid AJ farewell and made his way down the path back home. AJ made some quick remedies then made himself some tea. He went to the front porch, where he sat on one of the chairs and enjoyed his tea as he looked down the path. It was nice, peaceful…

“Well, fuck you, too, ass hats!” Well, the quiet didn't last long. AJ looked to the small path with tree cover that led to the nearby lake, where a voice had come from. It held such authority and held a certain sound that seemed similar to a raging fire. He set his cup down on the small table next to his chair and stood, quickly making his way to the path and running the rest of the way. He eventually made it to the lake, but saw nothing out of the ordinary. He looked around some more until he found a boy laying with the lower half of his body submerged in water. AJ ran over and knelt next to the boy, who was clearly still somewhat conscious. He had pale skin, his hair dark and sticking up all over the place. He was covered in blood and cuts, some big and some small. His breathing was irregular, as well. It was as if he had just been in a battle. AJ said softly, pulling the boy's arm over his shoulders. The boy groaned in pain as he was lifted to his feet, but seemed to silence as they began to head home. Once AJ got the boy inside he brought him to his room, laying him on his bed. AJ quickly got his first aid kit and moved to treat the boy's wounds, but it seemed all that was left was the blood.

“Did he heal himself…?”

“Of course I did, idiot…” AJ let out a small yelp as he threw the closed bottle of antiseptic at the boy. There was a small 'thunk’ accompanied by the sloshing of liquid, followed by a groan. The boy quickly moved his hand and covered his eye, sitting up in bed. “What the hell was that for?!"

“I thought you were unconscious!”

“Why would I be unconscious?!”

“Do you not remember the bleeding cuts you had?”

“Those were nothing compared to what I get in the battlefield, but I'm thinking that I might get a black eye from that bottle.”

“Over dramatic much?”

“It's not every day you get a bottle thrown at your face by a mortal and actually have it hurt.”

“Quit talking like your some higher being.”

“I could kill you right where you stand with a flick of my wrist.”

“... You're a rogue wizard, aren't you?”

“What? No!” AJ rolled his eyes and picked up the first aid kit, setting everything that had spilled out back inside.

“That's what they all say..."

“I'm a god!”

“And I'm a minister of the temple.” Both looked at each other for some time before AJ stood and put the first aid kit away. “So, either one of us is lying, both of us are lying, or none of us are lying. Take your pick.”

    “You are. Why the hell would a prince become minister, much less an apothecary?” The boy asked. AJ stared at the boy for a few moments. The boy rolled his eyes. “Trust me. The gods won't shut up about you. You're supposed to be their 'chosen prophet,’ and that's what they hoped you'd become after you left home.”

“Just who are you?"

“Vanitas, God of War.”

“... Now the resemblance between you and the statue at the temple makes sense.”

“What, you're not afraid?”

“Not really. After disrespecting someone like you I can expect death."

“... So, what happened to make you an apothecary?” Vanitas asked changing the subject. AJ still hardly believed it was the actual god, but maybe it was better to play along than risk death.

“Didn't want to life of a prince. I hated being treated like I was this important person when I was just a kid. The only people who treated me like an equal were my close friends, but even then they were practically forced to keep their distance. I told my mom that I wanted a normal life, and she told me that she'd grant me one as long as I wrote to her as often as I could. I promised, and I ran to this place. I fixed it up with help from my friends, and I made it my workplace and home. I like it this way better than I would if I took the throne.”

“And what did your father have to say about this?”

“Oh, he told me there was hell to pay. Tried forcing me back to the kingdom, but Sora, Xion, and Roxas saved me with their powers. I'm thankful for that every day I see them.”

    “What kind of powers?”

“They were born with them, but Sora got his amplified when he started working as a priest in the temple of Ventus.”

“Uh huh… and what of Xion and Roxas?”

“Roxas runs around as a trader, and Xion's working to be part of the royal guard… Why would you care?”

“You seem to surround yourself with people who are more successful than you… Those who get to travel the world, work under the gods, or even fight for their kingdom… How come?” AJ could tell that Vanitas was trying to dig deep, find a weakness. He wouldn't be swayed so easily. He quickly looked away and crossed his arms in front of his chest.

“What I do is enough for me. They're happy with their lives, and I'm happy with mine.”

“You seemed to perk up at the idea of being the chosen prophet… Is that what you wanted before this?”

“What? Being a prophet isn't what I wanted. Besides, I'd have to be a woman to be one. They have the best sight.”

“What's in your eyes says otherwise…”

“I don't have time for this. You're all better, so please leave.” With that, AJ left the room and went to the backyard, where he sat in front of his bed of crysthanamum flowers. He needed to calm down, to find his peace. If that really was a god, then he had to go. He wanted nothing to do with working for the gods. They weren't there for him, so why would he be there for them? If he's struck down then and there, so be it. He lived a full enough life to be happy. Nothing was going to change that.

“How do people wear this…?” AJ asked softly, re-adjusting his eye covering for nearly the hundredth time. He become a prophet, though admittedly against his will. Vanitas brought his brother, Ventus, God of the Moon, to talk things out. When that didn't work, Ventus brought Terra, God of Earth, and Aqua, Goddess of the Sea and Goddess of Love. Seeing that they weren't going to give up, he reluctantly gave in. He was grateful that they were at least polite, unlike Vanitas.

    “Well… It could be worse,” a girl's voice said. AJ sighed and leaned back in his seat, the carriage providing little to no comfort.

“Easy for you to say, Xion… You didn't have four gods in your house, trying to convince you to be their spokesperson.”

“Fair enough, but look on the bright side… You get to be in town."

“Yeah, but I don't get to see it…”

“There is that… and it's not like you'll be allowed to really go anywhere once we get to the temple… Once you're done there, we're off to the next… Man, the gods have it out for you, don't they?"

“Don't know what I did to piss them off… Besides, my vision will be the worst compared to lower prophets.”

“It's actually said that the most caring have the best vision… Doesn't matter if it's a man or a woman.”

“I feel so much better…” AJ said, sarcasm evident in his tone. Xion laughed nervously before falling silent for quite some time.

“You know… Once this is over, we can go back home. We can be ourselves,” she said, a dreamy edge to her tone.

“I wish… The gods are making me leave once I've given the last message to the last temple. I'll only be allowed back down when they need me to give messages or I have a vision, and who knows when that'll be…” he sighed. “The only ones I know of who objected to this are Aqua, Terra, and Ventus… They were overruled by the rest of the gods.”

“So there is some good in them… Any way you can get out of this?”

“If I fall in love with a god… I'd have to swear my life to them and take a blood oath.”

“I'd say go for Aqua, but she and Terra…”

“Yeah…”

“What about Ventus? You could practically be King of the sun alongside him…”

“Tempting, but… he looks too much like Roxas. I'd feel weird.”

“Then the only one is…”

“The biggest prick of them all.”

“Vanitas can't be… Well, actually, no, he would be. He is the god of war, after all.” Both shared a quick giggle before they felt the carriage come to a stop. Soon the door opened and Xion stepped out, taking AJ’s hand and helping him down. He could see through the veil that covered his eyes, but it was still annoying to wear. At the base of the steps to the temple of Ventus was Sora, who wore a forlorn expression. His temple was the last on AJ’s journey. As Xion led AJ up the steps with Sora trailing behind them, a woman began walking down the stairs. She seemed to pick up her pace as she neared the group, finally stopping in front of AJ and grabbing hold of his hands.

    “AJ, I have some news… It's kind of good, but it's caused an uproar amongst the gods.”

“Uh… Aqua…?” AJ asked softly, the hood of the woman's cloak obscuring her face. She quickly took off her hood, showing her blue hair and blue eyes. Xion and Sora quickly fell to one knee with their head down to pay their respects.

“It's Vanitas… He's willing to live on Earth in exchange for your freedom. He'll still be a god, but he said he was willing to give up his place in the heavens for your freedom from, well… this,” Aqua said, gesturing to his attire. AJ didn't know what to say. He'd started this nearly three months ago, and now Vanitas was trying to let him go free? “There is one condition… He has to make you fall in love with him in the span of three months.”

“That's a generous time allotted, but falling in love? I don't think war and love go hand in hand like that.”

“Well… He said something along the lines of fighting for you, but that could just be me. He's probably at your place by now. Once you're done here, head straight home, alright?”

“... Okay.” Aqua smiled and hugged AJ tightly before putting her hood back on then running down the rest of the steps. Xion and Sora rose to their feet and stared at AJ for some time before Xion spoke.

“I see that you have good relations with her…”

“... More or less."

AJ stepped up to his home, his veil folded neatly in hand. He quietly opened the door, hearing silence and seeing a dimly lit front room. He stepped in and closed the door behind him, making his way towards the back. It felt weird to be home after three months, but it was nice. He opened the door to the backyard, where he found Vanitas standing amongst the roses. He stepped into the grass and set his veil on the ground, then went to Vanitas’ side. He looked to the god’s face, which seemed complacent.

“Why?” That was all he asked. He wanted answers to why this god, this higher being, was sacrificing his place in the heavens for a mere human.

“I shouldn't have gotten you involved in this…” Vanitas said, his voice barely louder than a murmur. He looked to AJ, clear sadness and regret in his eyes. “If it weren't for me then you'd be with someone you actually love, you'd still have a normal life. I was sent down here for starting a fight with Ventus. Had I just let what happened pass over, then you'd live your life how you wanted and you'd be okay.”

“God of war, being sentimental… That's something I never thought I'd experience in person.”

“Hey, I'm not all blood lust and violence.”

“I know, I know… it's just not what I'm used to,” AJ said softly, looking back up to Vanitas, who rolled his eyes as he turned his attention back to the roses.

“Tell me about these… Why red, and why pick roses?”

“Roses are my favorite… and red always gave me a sense of comfort. The deeper the red, the better. Why do you ask?” Vanitas picked a rose, holding it in his hand before looking to AJ.

“Isn't it customary for lovers to make a bond with a rose?”

“... We've got three months to make this work, so hold your horses.”

“Are you sure that you don't feel anything?” AJ opened his mouth to object, but no words came. He simply looked to the roses as he brushed a few loose strands of hair behind his ear.

“I'm… not sure, actually… I don't know… I liked Xion for a time, but I never said anything. I was afraid that she'd reject me, or that I'd mess up somehow and she's leave forever… I didn't want that, so I stayed silent,” he said, hanging his head. “I've stayed silent for a lot of things that I probably shouldn't have…” AJ said, which made Vanitas confused. He leaned down slightly to get a good look at AJ’s face, only to see tears on a practically expressionless face. AJ realized that Vanitas saw this and quickly wiped away his tears, closing his eyes to do so. As soon as he moved his arm away from his face he felt a warm, rough hand on his cheek. He opened his eyes as his face was gently turned to face Vanitas, who wore a look close to guilt. “I was given everything I could ever want, but I wanted nothing of it… I wanted what normal kids had, like a house and not a castle, a toy that would last a lifetime and not something deemed too childish for me… I wanted what I felt cheated out of.”

“Well… It's about time that changed.”

         AJ sat on the porch of his home, sipping on lavender-chamomile tea with honey. It was a cool autumn day, the leaves now orange and gold with small leaves of red. He sighed and leaned back in his chair, a small smile on his lips. He looked to the front door of his home, where Vanitas came out with a small box in hand. It was strange, seeing such a feared god now dressed in such normal clothing, but Vanitas had made that choice. He stayed for AJ’s freedom.

    “Feeling okay?” Vanitas asked, sitting down next to AJ. He nodded slightly as he stared out to the giant path.

“Yeah… Just waiting for Roxas to come with the ginseng and kelp.” Vanitas smiled as he rolled his eyes. He handed AJ the small box he had been holding, prompting him to open it. AJ carefully untied the twine holding the box together then opened it, his eyes widening as he saw a blood red gem framed by silver on a thin, black cord in the box. He looked to Vanitas for a few moments before looking back to the box.     “Vanitas, I…”

“Here.” Vanitas stood then kneeled in front of AJ, taking the necklace from the box and putting it around AJ’s neck. “There… Now I'm never far away. Before you ask, I had a bit of a talk with Terra. He said that red really stood out with your monochromatic appearance. I'll probably ask for a sapphire next time I see him… Blue may be a bit standard for you, but it works better.” AJ giggled softly as he held the gem in his hand. Vanitas gently pulled AJ’s hand away from it then held both of the boy's hands in his own, leaning up and pressing his lips to the boy's cheek. AJ blushed at the sudden action, still getting used to such affectionate gestures. They rest their foreheads against each other, smiles on their faces.

    “So… We'll be together for a while, won't we?”

“I have a feeling we'll meet again and again as time passes…” Vanitas said. “Doesn't matter what time in the future, I'll know it's you… You'll be as eternal as the gods, even if you're only human.”

Sure enough, different AJ’s came and went, having spent their lives. The time Vanitas met the boy again was in our present time. The key factor to point him out? The gem. That beautiful, blood red gem that hung right over his heart.

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@khoc-week