#love their friendship: imperfect yet so wholesome

[aprilblossomgirl]

-- ...however stupid that dream might be, if it’s your dream, we’re always willing to support you. / We’re so happy to be a part of your stupid dream. 

Thank you so much for helping me out with my film, even though both of you really hate indie films. | Come on, Wat. I never said I hate indie films. I used to not like it but once I started to understand what they’re about, I think they’re okay. | I think people hate or are afraid of something because they don’t really understand it. 

[ouiouixmonami]

In honor of Washette Week, today I’ll be talking about Washington’s letter to Lafayette on 30 September 1779 which is ultra-detailed and surprisingly lengthy (something that George himself acknowledges in the last paragraph). It even includes mention of George being ghosted *gasp! Who would do such a thing?!* Don’t worry, I’m about to tell you! Here’s a little collection of my favorite snippets from this bad boy.

Your forward Zeal in the cause of liberty—Your singular attachment to this infant world—Your ardent & persevering efforts, not only in America but since your return to France to serve the United States. your polite attention to Americans—and your strict & uniform friendship for me, has ripened the first impressions of esteem & attachment which I imbibed for you into such perfect love & gratitude that neither time nor absence can impair which will warrant my assuring you, that whether in the character of an Officer at the head of a Corps of gallant French (if circumstances should require this)—whether as a Major Genl commanding a division of the American Army—Or whether, after our Swords & Spears have given place to the plough share & pruning-hook, I see you as a private Gentleman—a friend & Companion—I shall welcome you in all the warmth of friendship to Columbias shore; & in the latter case, to my rural Cottage, where homely fare & a cordial reception shall be substituted for delicacies & costly living.

This specific compliment is so sweet! No matter the time or the place, George wants Lafayette to know that he’ll always care about him. Fun fact: Lafayette took George up on his offer in 1784 when he visited Mt. Vernon from approximately August 17 - 26.

Colo. Neville called upon me about a Month since and was to have dined with us the next day but did not come, since which I have not seen him nor do I know at this time where he is

Yep. You read that right. Colonel Neville ghosted George. 

let me entreat you to be perswaded, that to meet you any where after the final accomplishment of so glorious an event would contribute to my happiness—& that, to visit a country to whose generous aid we stand so much indebted, would be an additional pleasure—but remember my good friend, that I am unacquainted with your language—that I am too far advanced in years to acquire a knowledge of it. and that to converse through the medium of an interpreter upon common occasions, especially with the Ladies must appr so extremely aukward—insipid—& uncouth—that I can scarce bear it in idea. I will therefore hold myself disengaged for the present and when I see you in Virginia—we will talk of this matter & fix our plan.

George not speaking French would surely put a damper on the trip that Lafayette has proposed! Not to worry, they’ll reconvene and figure out a plan that will leave neither of them embarrassed in front of the ladies. Spoiler alert: George never went to France.

But to conclude—you requested from me a long letter—I have given you one—but methinks my dear Marquis I hear you say there is reason in all things—that this is too long—I am clearly in Sentiment with you, & will have mercy on you in my next—But at present must pray your patience a while longer, till I can make a tender of my most respectful compliments to the Marchioness. Tell her (if you have not made a mistake, & offered your own love instead of hers to me) that I have a heart susceptable of the tenderest passion, & that it is already so strongly impressed with the most favourable ideas of her, that she must be cautious of putting loves torch to it; as you must be in fanning the flame. But here again methinks I hear you say, I am not apprehensive of danger—My wife is young—you are growing old & the atlantic is between you—All this is true, but know my good friend that no distance can keep anxious lovers long asunder, and that the Wonders of former ages may be revived in this—But alas! will you not remark that amidst all the wonders recorded in holy writ no instance can be produced where a young Woman from real inclination has prefered an old Man—This is so much against me that I shall not be able I fear to contest the prize with you—yet, under the encouragement you have given me I shall enter the list for so inestimable a jewell.

George joking that Lafayette is the one who loves him rather than Lafayette’s wife, Adrienne, is such a fun glimpse at his lighthearted side that was reserved for a select few. Aw! Not so fast, though, because this paragraph takes a sudden turn that’s reminiscent of what I read as Alexander’s not-so-subtle attempt at compliment fishing from none other than John Laurens but with just a dash of self deprecation. 

When I look back to the length of this letter I am so much astonished & frightned at it myself, that I have not the courage to give it a careful reading for the purpose of correction—You must therefore receive it with all its imperfections—accompanied with this assurance that though there may be many incorrections in the letter, there is not a single defect in the friendship of my dear Marquis Yr Most Obedt—& Affecte Servt Go: Washington

Lafayette had requested long letters, so long letters he shall receive! Proof-read long letters? Now that’s pushing it. The closing sentence here is both wholesome and heartwarming - throughout this letter George stresses how much he cares for Lafayette but this one sentence stands out to me because it’s both plain and poetic.

I highly recommend reading the entire letter - it covers a variety of topics, both political and personal, and is all around a great read to get a sense of their relationship!

[yongiefilms]

EVANESCENCE.

pairing: mark lee x reader (female)

genre: fluff; angst; hints of humor; best friends!au; high school!au; college!au; unrequited love!au

warnings: language, heartbreak, indirect mentions of depression, crying is involved, mentions of death and loss, complex feelings, if you have a weak heart this may be hard to bear, you are literally in for a ride with a lot of ups and downs (i don’t know this is hard to put warnings on for some reason just beware with angsty teen feels aka angsty teen mark)

word count: 6.4k (how did i write this much? it is surely a mystery)

summary: distance is hard for anyone. it’s especially hard for couples, and maybe even more so best friends. with hundreds of thousands of miles separating you and mark lee, it’s impossible not to note the countless possibilities of what could go so wrong by being away from each other for an unknown amount of time. to cope with that longing mark lee writes to you, and he can only hope the feelings he pours out to you on paper are enough to keep that one thread you both are hanging by, unwavering and simply together.

author’s note: this fic is dedicated to our favorite giggly, watermelon loving, and adorably awkward social boy—mark lee. it’s officially his birthday in the states so happy 21st birthday, my precious and sweet boy. thank you for always brightening up our world and putting a smile on our faces. also, huge shoutout to my proofreaders/beta readers ( @wooqzi​ and @mjlkau​ ). you both were literally lifesavers and i can’t thank you enough for enduring through this semi-long fic with me, but i love you my renjun enthusiasts, you’re amazing.

THE CONTENTS OF THIS LETTER IS CONFIDENTIAL AND SHOULD NOT BE READ BY ANYONE OTHER THAN Y/N L/N. PROCEED WITH CAUTION.

march 16, 20XX

my dearest y/n,

i remember the first time i saw you. i remember it so vividly that it seems like it was just yesterday, a fleeting instant in time that managed to stand still, being permanently engraved in my brain. it was november 15th, 20XX—our sophomore year of high school. i recall walking into our school’s library at around 3:25pm because i had to return a book from my literature and composition class. at that point i was also still waiting for my ride to come pick me up so i thought why not kill two birds with one stone? however, i wasn’t prepared for what i would see. (call me cheesy, though i already know you did once you saw the first couple of sentences).

when i strode in i saw you as if we were in the movies, where the male lead is stunned into awe at the gorgeous girl he comes across. you were sitting at a table by yourself in the center of the room with your back to me and the infamous large window that covered nearly the entire wall behind you. for some reason that same day was exceptionally beautiful. the sky was a vibrant blue shade with a few remains of scattered clouds, dotting the sky in white freckles. the sun shone a little brighter than usual, its warmth felt like a blanket wrapped around the body and it reflected across your face at the heaven-sent angle when you turned your head the tiniest bit, adoring you in a pleasant glow. i strolled in right at that moment when the sun decided to showcase you in its beauty and i couldn’t help but be astonished. you looked so ethereal and virtuous. i simply couldn’t look away. your arms were rested on the table, on either side of the book you had opened and when the sun was covered by a transient cloud, casting you in its shadow, is when you became more real, more like someone who was attainable. you then suddenly groaned and put your head down rather harshly on top of the book, emitting a loud sigh. i was quite surprised that no one called you out due to the noise you were making, you were in a library after all. (just know i can picture you rolling your eyes just about now).

yet i perceived it was odd that from merely hearing your sound of distress, i wanted to protect you. i wanted to shield you from future harm and future inapt doings. you made my heart clench so tightly i wondered what was wrong with me and how i could feel so deeply. i didn’t even know you. i hadn’t even seen you around school before. you were a stranger to me so why did i feel a certain way? i questioned myself and even still, to this day, i can’t bring myself to give you answers for that query nor can i find them. i suppose that is where i put the blame for what happened next.

i was so caught up in my head that i didn’t notice my feet had moved on their own accord right next to your table, where your head still rested. i know i must have looked insane and i don’t inculpate you for your reaction in the slightest. i was brought back to reality when the sun shone in my eyes just allowing me to turn my head to see you in your empyrean grandeur. the timing was appropriate too, because that was when you snapped your head up to meet my eyes. i was as startled as you, but it showed more clearly in your eyes rather than mine, considering i was so disoriented from reality. your eyes were wide, allowing me to clearly see the stunning color that was full of curiosity. you tilted your head to the right like a lost puppy kicked to the curb, waiting for someone to finally claim them. nevertheless, your own surprise didn’t last long since mere seconds after you scoffed loudly and turned away from me to bring your attention back to your assignment. your next words were the ones that sealed the deal and i seriously must have been crazy to be attracted by mere words that offended me above all, but they didn’t. if anything my heart clenched in my chest even more. (i must have been so out of it…i know you are laughing your ass off right now because of the dilemma i had. cruel). but you said, “what the hell are you looking at? you weirdo.” i knew then that would be the start of a glorious friendship and it was. i never happen to be wrong and that was one time i was thankful, even if it isn’t my most fondest memory (shut up) it still sparked the start of something much greater. something that i felt could last a lifetime.

so yes, we became the best of friends ever since that day and what a wild ride it was to get to that point. i knew you considered me too weird, too quiet, and too awkward for your taste, but we made the friendship work. we became inseparable even in our differences and for the rest of the years to come in high school, we were joined by the hip. there wasn’t you without me and there wasn’t me without you. you always had mark lee with y/n l/n and vice versa. i guess you could say you had me marked in your heart as you were in mine. (cue another eye roll and a laugh. i know you laughed). we were known for being that inseparable duo of best friends. you couldn’t have one without the other. some thought it was peculiar to see the once lonely boy and spirited girl befriend one another and be so compatible. it was unexpected, but they got used to it like all the other things that come and go. they came to accept it and even if their opinions didn’t matter to you, those things did to me because i wasn’t like you. i couldn’t brush off dislike or unacceptance. i didn’t have the power to do so, but don’t worry anymore, my love, i have come a long way and perhaps it is all due to you.

i’ve always wondered how we balanced each other out since everyone said we just didn’t quite fit the picture. you were dauntless and confident, knowing exactly what you wanted and you weren’t afraid to go out to get it. while i was embarrassing and closed off, not knowing the path to follow for my life and too scared to make mistakes when i knew i couldn’t fix them. although through our own struggles we were able to help each other grow and find ourselves. we became comfortable in our own skin and accepted who we were with all our faults, failures, and imperfections. you were someone who guided me and i only hoped that i was able to guide you the same way you did during this absurd journey of teenage life.

i suppose that is why i am afraid to tell you these next few words, these next few paragraphs that place my heart out for everyone to see and hear—but i don’t care about them, i only have ever cared for you and i always will. you may have assumed this from the start of this letter or it may have gone over your head as something that is normal for everyone to experience with another attractive soul at first glance. or you may have known throughout our years of knowing each other. you could have picked up the signs of things that weren’t so platonic—the gazes, the touches, or the words that meant something more than just friendly. you could have noticed, but refused to acknowledge the deeper undertones for your sake and most certainly my own. i know you and i know the last thing you would want for me is to be hurt or disappointed. to feel like you failed me when in reality if you knew that wouldn’t have mattered, since to me our friendship is worth more than any romance, if there would have been one at all. so you know, i am certain now, but it still scares me to write it down, to have it on permanent record for you to read whenever you want.

so here it goes.

over that time, over the course of us getting to know each other and becoming who we are today, the best of friends, i slowly started to fall for you—the person you were, someone i couldn’t be even if i tried. someone so raw, beautiful, and most of all real, both on the inside and out. you know i never was shallow, i never cared about someone’s appearance as what held significance to me the most was the heart. if your heart was good and wholesome and filled with love. that is what matters and the only thing that should. so while you are gorgeous (don’t let that get to your head now), you had a golden soul that i fell for ever so intensely.

i guess that’s why i decided to be daring that day—our senior graduation. you may be confused on what i mean since nothing was out of the ordinary that day, well for you at least. for me it was a different story. you see i had decided to do something, something out of my comfort zone and i honestly don’t know what came over me to do it in the slightest. you know how i am, i never like to be put into an uncomfortable situation since i don’t know how to deal with them. my social awkwardness just gets the best of me, but in that spur of a tick, realizing this was a huge milestone in our lives that we were overcoming, a milestone that would release us into the real world, i mused there was no harm. i really didn’t have anything to lose, except you that is. i could lose you, but i guess i knew deep within my heart that was a slim possibility because nothing could tear us apart, not even stupid teenage feelings. so you could say i finally gained enough confidence after spending so much time with you to do something out of the ordinary—to be bold like you. to just confess the truth and not worry about the consequences after. to just speak my mind and not surrender to fear. you helped me get to that point and while it did take some time, i was happy with who i came to be. someone proud with who they are, even for split second and i knew i had to do it before i turned back into a coward—before it was too late.

i had the ideal moment planned prior to it happening. i was going to tell you after we finished taking our graduation photos. there wasn’t a better time than that, when we were trying to capture the last moments of our high school career together. taking pictures with those we grew closer to over the years, those that made everything a little more sane, a little more fun. so when we look back we can reminisce about those times, no matter how many ups and downs there were because we finally reached the end goal. we made it.

after searching for you amongst the growing crowd for several long minutes after we proceeded off the stage, i saw you come towards me first, with your blue gown flowing in the wind. you literally ran full speed ahead and when you were a few inches away, you crashed into me. i had stumbled from the impact, taking several steps back so we both wouldn’t fall, as my arms came to rest around your own. you maneuvered your arms around my chest to give me a bear hug, stripping the oxygen away from me. when you let go after being in my embrace for what felt like eternity, i could clearly see your face. you were in a great mood—a beam on your face, your cheeks flushed from the sun’s heat, your eyes wide open with stars that filled the void, and your skin left in a brilliant glow. happiness surrounded you and a grin made its way onto my face at how in your element you finally looked. i knew it was then or never again, for your encouraging grin left me weak, yet strong. the perfect moment. yet, no moment is perfect. no one moment ever seems perfect for me. it doesn’t work out because fate wasn’t on my side—nor would it be for a long time.

you must have wanted to tell me something too that fateful day, since i could feel your excitement in my own bones and spot it a mile away, as right when i was about to confess, right when i opened my mouth to say those three dreaded words, you cut me off. you told me you had news, exciting and life changing news. news that would shatter me and wither my confidence away till what was left was speck of dust. you told me you were leaving to go to the states. that was the first pain i felt in my body. your admission letter had come in the mail earlier that morning when you were about to leave the house, on your way to the graduation ceremony. you were too anxious when your father relayed the news that you had gotten mail as your foot was almost out the door. you couldn’t wait to open it as your eagerness didn’t allow you to, so when you were handed that one large envelope addressed with your name from your dream college, your hands didn’t stop from ripping it open.

you got in.

you got into harvard university, the one college you told me since sophomore year that you wanted to go to, if it was the last thing you could do. i was so estatic for you, i was, because i knew how much the acceptance meant to you. you were working hard ever since you could talk and your passion was a huge part of that dedication to excelling in your academics. you deserved it more than anyone i knew, but my heart couldn’t help but crumble out of that exuberance.

you were rambling on about how thrilled you were and what you would do at college, all the classes you would take, the extracurricular activities, how you would have your own dorm or apartment and decorate it the way you wished. you just looked exactly how you did that day i took you out on a picnic to watch the sunset on that hill that overlooked the town—without a care in the world and so very content. so i couldn’t confess now, when you were going places, the places you dreamed of and when your life would take off for the better. you were just getting started, yet i couldn’t say what i so desperately wanted to say when you simply told me you were leaving, and so soon at that. i didn’t want to hold you back and i just know you are telling me i wouldn’t have, but i know the truth as do you. you would have stayed behind because you care too enormously with your heart to ever let me go, to ever have me sorrowful. so i didn’t say anything when you backtracked and asked me what i wanted to say before you spilled the news. i was thinking more with my head rather than my heart at that juncture. you gazing at me with your star-filled eyes and dazzling smile, i couldn’t do it, no matter how much energy coursed through my veins. i kept my mouth shut and told you it was nothing. you accepted the excuse though i know you knew it was a lie. we could always tell when the other lied and i was just glad you believed it at that point. i held back my feelings and my wants for your feelings and wants—for your needs. your life, your wishes, and your desires always meant more to me than my own. so we took those graduation photos and laughed with the rest of our friends. we were joyful then even if the future remained imbalanced and unsure.

you left later that month since you had to settle into a new country, a new state, a new culture, and a new life. in that time it wouldn’t be us if we didn’t spend every minute side by side and we did since you wanted to cherish our time together—our last time together. you would be on one end of the world and i would be on the other, thousands of miles separating us and a wide expanding sea. it was surreal and it still is. so we treasured all of it, even the little moments of going to each other’s houses in the wee hours of the morning to just watch the sunrise or late at night to watch the stars, to go get ice-cream when we felt like it, to watch movies in your bedroom with the lights down low—to just bask in each other’s presence. we made even more memories, granted that we had plenty to go around. those last weeks with you were the best of my life, even if it felt like nothing was changing, even if it was our normal routine before the shift. even so it still made me fall deeper as i saw your true colors in an even brighter light as if i never truly saw you before. there was so much about you that just made me curious even if i knew every part of you, every aspect of your being, from the simple things like your favorite color to your hatred for pineapple on pizza, and to the deep things like your fear of being forgotten or not being good enough. even if i knew so much, there was still more to unravel and discover as you were so complex. there isn’t another person like you in the world. there can’t be since you are one of a kind. they may have your face or outward appearance, but they can’t have your fair heart or pure soul.

i shouldn’t have been dazed that these emotions i had for you would solely blossom beyond belief. i couldn’t protest either because i knew they would grow more fervent since it is so hard to control myself around you. i sound like a giddy schoolboy, but with you i can’t help but let everything run wild and free. i put my entire heart and being out onto a silver platter just for you and i knew you would only ever take good care of it. after all if anything they would be yours to either tear or mend.

so when that dreadful day arrived i wasn’t ready for the whirlwind of storm to be released and let loose. you were leaving and wouldn’t come back.

i had been in the car with you that day as well as with your parents since they were flying over with you in order to help you maneuver around a new territory and get you settled in before the start of your semester. i couldn’t bear to say goodbye to you before so i tagged along. we all strolled up to the gate and your parents passed through, leaving you with me so we could have some privacy to say everything we needed to say. albeit there weren't enough words in the world to tell you how i felt at that stage, enough words for the both of us. therefore, we let our actions speak louder. you latched onto me, putting your arms around my neck and hugged me so closed till i was sure there was no room between our bodies in that suffocating airport.

you know you told me a hundred times, maybe even a thousand times during those last weeks before you left, how much you loved me. how much i meant to you and how much you cared for me. i don’t even think the amount of times i heard that from other people could compare to how many times you said it. while they may have meant it, i know you truly did and that was the deepest sorrow to know, which broke me a little further. regardless, i did tell you them right back, how could i not when it was you? i told you those three words and eight letters every time in response, twenty-four hours and seven days a week, but when you said them there, in the midst of the crowd in the airport, it felt different. it felt more meaningful, like there was an underlying tone i couldn’t decipher and it broke me the furthest i could go.

tears came from me and you, flowing between our clashed bodies. they made their way down your face and stained my own, out of jubilation and utter devastation. when you said it in between your sobs, repeating the words like a mantra against my neck and pulled me in even closer, i told you those words back. i whispered them against your temple, kissing the side of your head every time i repeated them and i meant them with all my heart because i truly did love you, so much, just in a way you didn’t love me, and never could.

i was sure i couldn’t recover from your departure once i saw you walk through those gates and let go of me. i wondered if i could ever hold you back again like i did at that moment. it felt like a part of me was being left behind. we were two halves of a whole and with you going, there would always be a missing puzzle piece. a piece of me would always be incomplete and i didn’t know how to feel, nor do i now. there is a hole in my chest of where you belong and i think there always will be until we connect in person again.

looking back i still smile at that memory—at all our recollections together. the woeful ones and the euphoric ones because they help me burden the pain, the heartbreak at your withdrawal from my life. it may sound dramatic considering we are still part of each other’s lives, just not in the way we were before. for distance separates us and threatens to split us apart.

you may think it doesn’t, but we both know the actuality. distance is the cause of these things—friendships, relationships, and love breaking beyond a point that is impossible to fix. where all those things are left in the dust and are fragments of what once was. now distance endangers our own foundations, our own very little things, so it’s illogical not to think about how it might destroy us. i never was a pessimistic person, but now being miles away from you, it’s hard not to think this way. i try to block it out. i try so hard, but sometimes i can’t help but allow negativity to take over, for without you here to shed light, the darkness swallows me whole.

i already know how you look reading this letter, in fact i knew from the very start what it would result in. i knew your emotions would get the best of you as they overwhelm you and you can’t hold them in like you desire to. maybe it happened from the very start or maybe it started now, but i want you to stop the tears that are already cascading down your face. don’t cry reading this. this piece of paper is not worth your tears, even if you think the opposite way and maybe those words i just wrote don’t mean anything because you are already sobbing, but stop them before they consume you. i am not worthy of those tears nor is it my intention to ever make you weep.

you know you always said you couldn’t cry, your body wouldn’t let you wail even if you begged it to. you told me that the day your grandmother died and you came over to me after the funeral. you told me no matter how glum you were and how much pain you felt, you couldn’t mourn for your grandmother. that you pushed your body to release tears but it wouldn’t so you looked unmoving and without emotion during the service. while that may have been the truth just that once, i knew well enough that was a lie. you were numb to feeling since you lost someone, but you body did want to grieve since you were just holding yourself back from looking weak. nonetheless you never are so-called frail because you are the toughest person i know and tears don’t dictate that strength regardless.

so in the deepest part of your room, at the latest times of the night when you thought no one was looking or knew, you cried your heart out. you whimpered too often and i was able to tell even if i never voiced it, but somehow you knew that i knew and you were okay with it. you were okay with letting me know you were and are human. so every time when you would cry i told you that you were too beautiful for it, in order to give you a piece of how i saw you in my head. to allow you to understand it was okay and normal above all. even now, though i can’t see your tear stricken face, you are stunning. so don’t bawl, but rather smile for me.

good.

your smile was always one of my favorite characteristics of yours. the most blinding beam that could light up a room and make anyone forget their worries.

you know even if it may seem gloomy, blame the mood in which this letter took a turn, i still am grateful we keep in contact even if you are so many miles away, because that’s the only thing i ever wanted, to keep in touch with you—to remain best friends. a factor that we still are…(for now).

so yes, it may be six months since i last saw you face-to-face, six months since you left, six months since we managed to stay in contact, but i can just feel you slipping away, becoming someone without me by your side through it all. yes, i know you and i are still who we are since those months ago, since sophomore year, but it’s just something that i can’t help but feel.

in fact i already sense it, it is near, but yet far. you know how i know? when we were on call the other day. it was last wednesday i believe and we were chatting about how our day went, the usual things in our routine, that is until you casually mentioned someone asked you out on a date last week. the mere fact that you didn’t tell me the day of or the day after it happened hurt more than your following words, albeit they equally packed a punch. you told me it was that one boy from your history of psychology class, the boy you did countless assignments with before, the boy you befriended nearly the first day your classes started. the boy i felt would take my spot from your life, if not as your lover, then as your best friend. i forgot his name, but i recollect you said he had that incorrupt look on his face that you perceived him to be pure the first day you laid eyes on him, although after learning more about him, he was far from being innocent. you told me in explicit detail what he looked like and the personality he had. i recall bits and pieces, even if i desperately tried to forget. delicate hands, an artistic gift, a slightly short stature, a cute grin, and a savage attitude to contradict the façade. exactly like you, exactly like the day i met you with your sharp tongue and doe eyes in the library, the complete opposite of each other. while i know i reach far in many regards calling him a soon to be lover or best friend, he still has potential even if he may not have any of those labels. i know he might not be the one—the one you’ll end up marrying in a few years down the road when you have a doctor’s degree in one hand and a ring on the other, but he might as well be. he might as well be that man because the future is unimaginable to foretell, but he can still be that shell of someone you want, he can still fill the void until the time comes. so yes, he very much will have your heart for a while, if you deem him worthy enough, if you pursue him the way he wants to pursue you. the way you were talking about him with your tone and the smile i could hear it in your voice gave it away. i knew something was there and you would give it a shot. he might be one of many before you find the ideal one over the years and he very well might be the one, but even if he was not, he would be your first in more ways than i was. he’ll be someone i wish i could have been. someone i wish would allow me to shoot my shot, but i didn’t since with all my talk i still, deep down, was a coward.

you can’t say i am wrong anyways since sometime, someday, some when it will happen. however, what still remains, in this bit, right now, as you read, is that we are still y/n and mark. mark and y/n. we are still us, but why does it feel like we aren’t at the same time?

it’s a deep question i must admit, it is what keeps me up some nights as i search for the answer and ponder for the meaning. i still don’t know the full answer, but i know enough. we are growing up. we are growing up y/n. we aren’t 15 anymore. we aren’t those sophomore kids that had no idea what the real world had in store and were gullible in every way, shape, and form. we simply aren’t high schoolers who only cared about our grades or appearance or the plans we had after school. we aren’t those kids. we are slowly becoming adults. we are slowing steering away from our teenage years and in that comes this question of self-identity.

who are we?

that is what we are trying to look for. we are finding who we are through everything we do—through our daily lives. we are finding ourselves…without the other. we have been so close for so long and grew into that space in an unhealthy amount of time. we grew accustomed to each other’s presence so now it is almost unbearable being apart for so long. we became so attached we don’t know what to do with ourselves and it’s the cold hard reality. it’s the truth that we don’t know ourselves individually, only together and that’s why it hurts more than ever that we have to be led astray, sometime soon. to know that soon enough that time will come. to know that yes, we still contact each other every day, we still have our weekly face times or calls and what you deem our “online friend dates” during the weekends, but as often as they are, they will change. we will no longer have the time to do that as college gets crazier for both of us, as we become more involved in a college life full of parties, friends, clubs, and whatever else it may be as we move out of being freshmen and get closer to our real life careers. you and i will know when that happens as our calls will become less frequent, our check-ins almost nonexistent with the other being left in the dust for days to weeks to months on end. we merely won’t be in contact anymore and i am sorry when that comes, my love. we’ll forget each other, its expected especially as we grow older, as we date, as we find love, as we befriend new people, as we move in the direction we are meant to be going and with that the worst part follows because i know sooner or later we will have to let each other go, if we don’t neglect. we can’t hold each other back and we will dwindle to a memory of what once was, of a simpler time before. i will be the forgotten one, the one in the background of your most prominent memories, someone you can’t help but look back on.

although we aren’t there yet, but we will be.

soon.

even if at this point you hate how many times i have written that word and so do i, but don’t you dare take the high road since we all know at some point all marvelous friendships die for an unexplainable reason or reasons. ours would just have to be because of life. that’s what makes life well...life. it is all part of the journey, the road to an unforeseeable future, but there can still be hope, it doesn’t just diminish like a candle flame put out by a gust of wind. no, hope still exists, you just have to grasp it when it comes around.

if. i always hated the word if, but if it’s meant to be then we will find each other, we will come around full circle at some point. have hope for both of us when i have none.

still, when you get this, it may be too late. maybe you will have unremembered about me in the seconds of time in between the unwavering silence. only then would we have both moved on, since there is no point in reaching out for something that isn’t worth saving when it all faded away before. only then will i be just a memory and reading this will spark those thought of i knew him once before during a ephemeral moment in my life when i was a teen in high school rather than a college student, but i know i am not late.

it is one thing i am sure of.

until then, until that foreboding time arrives i’ll hold dear what we have. i will try to preserve this friendship for both of our sakes until it’s time to say goodbye or more accurately a see you later if you want to be hopeful.

whenever that may be.

i know you hate goodbyes more than anything, the word itself rattles in your bones. so y/n, see you soon, in person—someday if it’s what’s right.

it has to be right doesn’t it?

fate has to be on our side because it knows us, it knows that there isn’t me without you and there isn’t you without me. when that time arrives of us seeing each other or withering away like every flower does at the end of its life, i hope, i pray that you won’t forget me as i most certainly won’t forget you.

so just call to mind in everything you do, in everything you say, dwell on the time before college—of a time when you were a child, someone lost, someone finding themselves and in it all remember there was someone who loved you before. someone who loved you at your worst as well as at your best, before you became who you were truly meant to be, and he loved you with all his heart.

he promises he always will.

that he is me.

i love you, y/n l/n. always and forever.

never forget it.

yours truly,

mark lee  

on march 16th, 20XX at approximately 8:02pm mark lee sealed his letter to y/n and put it in his coat pocket. on march 17th, 20XX at approximately 10:32am mark lee made his way to the postal office to drop off his letter and at 10:36am the letter dropped into the box on its way to the united states. on march 20th at approximately 11:42am mark lee’s letter arrived at the massachuesetts postal office and was separated upon arrival to be delivered sometime within the week. on march 22nd at 2:07pm, mark lee’s letter arrived at y/n’s apartment complex and was dropped in the inboxes of the residents. on march 24th at approximately 7:02am y/n went to pick up the mail, but what wasn’t in the pile was the letter from mark lee. sometime between when the letter arrived in the states to the mailman driving to the complex, his letter had gotten lost. the truck’s windows were open and mark lee’s letter was at the top of the pile when the truck was parked. an unsettling breeze was felt against the mailman’s face as he gripped the entire pile of mail, though mere seconds before the letter was picked up by the wind and whooshed onto the ground several feet away. the mailman did not take note and continued on, not noticing something was missing. y/n never received mark lee’s letter and neither of them would have known how things would have ended up differently if she had. for from that point on they would be a fading memory to each other and their friendship would wane away. y/n would begin to forget the calls with mark. mark would no longer reach out after months of silence from both parties. y/n would date the boy she told mark about, his name was huang renjun and they would fall in love, but mark would never know his name or know what came to be. they would become strangers and not best friends. lost to the tragic distance that separated them across the sea. if only y/n received the letter. if only mark lee confessed. if only he had know y/n felt the same. if only their friendship hadn’t evanescenced into nonexistence…like all unrequited love stories do.

[foxymoxynoona]

"Unnies have been alerted!" YES! How old is Dom and Michelle? And Maxi? I love how their friendship is wholesome, sisterly, fun yet imperfect too. Friends can fight and hurt each other like in any other relationships. Would you ever write about how they met and became friends? And how they came to Korea and decided to live together?

Dom was born 1992 and Michele 1993, so they're 28 and 27 at this point in the story. Maxi is 25, same as Sasha (earlier birthday in 1995.)

I actually really love writing Michele and Sasha's relationship because they totally fight like sisters. Dom hasn't known/lived close with them for as long, though she and Sasha had one of those "instantly friends/close bonded" things many years ago and she's been in and out of Sasha's life since then, so she spends a lot more time peace-keeping between them.

I think it'd be a lot of fun to write little drabble blurbs about a lot of things in Sasha's younger days! So yes, it'd be fun to do more spin-off little shorts about that kind of stuff. As with Lowlander/Marcus, I love non-BTS characters as much as the BTS characters in my story, so I'm always eager for an excuse to get to explore them a little more. Maybe sometime during winter break I'll do a drabble-character-request thing...

Plus if I wrote about when Dom and Sasha met, I could write about hottie hot stuff Diego 😏 one of Sasha's best, happiest, and healthiest relationships! (Yes I've used this name twice in my writing, I hadn't realized that until just now but I really love this name LOL)

[zelcarat]

hi! first i’d like to say that your art is so soft and cute i love it, all of my cute fluffy kenhina needs are always filled by your art thank you 💕💞 second is, i’ve been seeing a lot about the foxhole court and the other books but i read that it’s kinda dark. i’m currently reading another young adult series but i think all for the game deals with heavier topics.

Aaaah thank u so so much for your kind words!🥺🤲💞 I try to provide as much fluff and wholesomeness as I can, I'm glad other people enjoy it too!!!

As for All For The Game, yeah, it's dark and it deals with heavy topics. There's drug abuse, sexual violence, csa mentions, mafia (Yakuza), a lot of explicit violence, and there's also a lot of healing, dealing with (and overcoming) trauma, personal growth, found family, good friendships.

I'm gonna be honest with you, I hate getting personal about stuff, but whatever, sometimes people deserve to know there are others that have dealt with the same. There's 3 things I have a really hard time dealing with even in fiction and csa is one of those. Yet I felt like the books were very real, idk it just hit home. overcoming trauma isn't perfect or happy and I feel like that's probably the reason I got so hooked in it. It isn't a completely wholesome, happy story, but it does become hopeful.

Among other things, characters aren't politically correct (there's abusive friendships, homophobic comments, etc), but the way characters deal with those things, it's what made it so interesting to me. Imperfect characters that are also lovable and forgivable, that's cool. At the end of the day, it's fiction that portraits a sad reality, not very far-fetched from idk my country's reality and things I've heard growing up, so it was interesting to see how the characters just reacted to their reality and moved on.

I felt like things were changing as the story advanced and it was like helpful. Also it was helpful that a friend warned me about it, she knows which topics I don't deal well with and actuall told me to give it a try, but that maybe I wasn't gonna like it (which is okay, I know I project way too much I'm fiction).

I am a person who likes to see happy bits in domestic life as much as I like intrincate incredible plots in fantasy, so this read was sort of a change in that, but not a bad one.

.

Tldr: It's a very popular series, it's a fast read as well, but if you're not into dark stuff, it's maybe not the best option for you. (Content warnings for: explicit violence, child abuse and csa mentions, sexual violence, mentions of homophobia, mafia, drug abuse.)

[viiicestlavie]

RANT AHEAD! YOU'VE BEEN WARNED:

Look, I am getting frustrated with certain producers now and just about as pissed as anyone is allowed to be, given that they CANCEL all the damn shows that I actually LOVE.

I recently just finished watching Anne with an E so, for those who have not seen it yet imma just give you a little background about it: Anne with an E is based on the book Anne of Green Gables by Canadian author L.M. Montgomery, published on 1908. It revolves around a young, red-headed orphan named Anne Shirley who was mistakenly sent to unmarried siblings Matthew & Marilla Cuthbert, who lives in a fictional farming town called Avonlea in Prince Edward Island, Canada. Anyway, Anne has endured a very rough and abusive childhood. Being in an asylum/ orphanage half of her life and the other half being passed around in strangers' homes as their help. Anne is spirited, creative, empathetic, an idealist and always has such a way with flowery words (i think that's one of the reasons why I love this series so much, I identify with her personality being an INFP myself). So, the siblings are supposed to be adopting a boy to help them with farm work and you can imagine the disappointment she feels when Anne learns that the Cuthberts "do not" want her. But Anne being the unusual yet genuine person that she is, the Cuthberts decides to keep her after all. There are so much more in between what I have just narrated. In fact, that was just the tip of the iceberg.

But that is not what this rant is about. Nope. This rant is about how I passionately fell in love with the series only to be completely screwed over by the producers when they decided to NOT renew it for another season.

The show is mature, wholesome, sensible and it tackles real-world problems in the most subtle yet impactful manner that I cry like an infant watching majority of the episodes.

What I love about Anne with and E is that it is refreshing and it strays from all that TV cliché that netflix is so popular for. It has substance and the characters have depths and incredible arcs (which is OBVIOUSLY LACKING in most of the shows netflix is advertising right now, no offense to those who actually enjoy them, i mean they are entertaining to say the least).

Anyway, the plot is very much enjoyable. I love how in the beginning (Seasons 1&2. It ends after 3 Seasons-- a huge bummer to find out if you've been super invested in the series like I had been) they were only focused on the important things like Anne finding her place in the world with the Cuthberts, coming to terms with her flaws and imperfections, her friendships, adventures and misadventures, how Avonlea had changed her and how she had come to change the lives of people in her community as well.

And then, on Season freaking 3 they had to drop the romance like such a bomb and I'm just so happy and so sad all at once knowing I could not and will not be able to get enough of it. Sigh.

Anyway, CBC had to cancel the entire show because they claim "it wasn't reaching their desired audience."

I know. What a load of crap.

Anne with an E is an absolute gem. And I abso-tively posi-lutely recommend it if you're ever looking for a series to binge-watch. It's a historical coming-of-age drama that talks about love, adventure, friendship, family, and important societal topics like: education, race, equality, gender identity, feminism and even death in the most gripping and astounding way possible.

!! So, #SaveAnneWithAnE !!

Okay. End of rant.

[charlenelouise-gdc]

Personal Practice:

London Film Festival 2019: Review

2 - 13 October 2019. This is potentially one of my favourite times of the year.

For me, its such an important period in my calendar - not only professionally but personally. I find film festivals a wonderful way of watching or accessing films. There is almost an organic way to it: seeing it with fresh eyes, everyone being in the same boat or seeing it before everyone else, not influenced by other people’s comments or opinions (on the film being screened). It allows me to have a pure experience with the film. I am able to cultivate my own ideas on it and evaluate it later on down the line. It feels much more like a richer experience.

Also, I simply love the buzz that it involves. The conversations had, emotions shared and the people you meet. From the screenings to the red carpet, I feel like there is a good sense of community. I find festivals a wholesome, exciting experience. Also, I feel a lot closer to my aspirations as a filmmaker in this setting. It makes me feel hopeful.

Most importantly, it reminds me why I love the art form in the first place. Being united by one thing before them and seeing the natural reaction among crowds, this is something rare - especially in a world that often feels “lonely" and when there seems to be very little reason to be united about.

Of course, in the time of digital distribution and binge-watching, these new found ways of distribution has its own positives. This is particularly true in reach; on demand viewing makes cinema a much more democratic experience. For instance, they enable niche, independent films to be seen by those who live in remote places or do not have access to independent cinemas without the need of travelling to major cities like London or New York. Both methods of viewing, on demand and via the cinema, are equally important and has their own strengths. At the end of the day, as long as the film is being shown and reaches its audience - that’s all that matters. However, there is still must be said about the cinema experience and the magic it offers. In its darkness and the glow of the projector, you get to escape and enter another world momentarily - live out the ordinary you know of.  Film festivals, to me, is cinema viewing in its purest form and preserves that experience.

I was also lucky to be in the presence of the filmmakers themselves in some of my screenings. In the special presentations and Q+A sessions that followed the screening, they were able to contextualise their films and share the process behind the choices they make. I learned a lot from them and its a good educational experience.

In this year’s programme, I was able to watch the following films… I have also included some initial thoughts and comments from my notes for future reference.

Our Ladies (Dir. Michael Caton-Jones) - Drama/Comedy Heartwarming! Such a good feel-good film. Close to my heart as I come from Catholic education and has female friendship at the heart of it. It shows what good casting can do and proves it’s an equally important creative choice. The main ensemble really carried the film and a great part of what makes it so charming. Can’t wait to watch again!

The Lighthouse (Dir. Robert Eggers) - Horror/Drama Excellent, well-crafted sound design. Quite wild for an 8am viewing. The framing and composition of the image are done with great precision; it’s quite stunning to watch and I couldn’t look away despite feeling sheer terror at times.

Make Up (Dir. Claire Oakley) - Psychological Drama Unfortunately unable to finish the film due to scheduling conflict. Promising story against a holiday park backdrop and brings to light seaside small town life (which is often overlooked). Interesting blend of genre. 

Premature (Dir. Eashaad Ernesto Green) - Drama Most disliked film from my viewing. Although I appreciate the authentic portrayal/visibility of Black youth in what seems to be an alternative of New York city life (away from the glamourised, white lens), the story is so underwhelming. Too tragic at times and pacing was dull. Lots of unnecessary shots (especially during intimate scenes) that served no purpose aside from catering to the male gaze - a complete disservice to the strong female lead its meant to be portray.

House of Us (Dir. Yoon Ga-eun) - Drama/Family A tender story. Told from children’s point of view which is so refreshing to watch; it served as a nice reminder that children are whole people too, with their own thoughts and valid feelings - which I often forget. As a society, we often disregard them for being dependent or “incomplete”. Although I found myself being annoyed at the children, the film really makes you empathetic. Colour grading is divine; has a childlike brightness that honours the story and the lens its being told. Followed similar style to “Florida Project”, where a lot of the image is shot a low height to resemble children’s perspective.

Marriage Story (Dir. Noah Baumbach) - Drama/Comedy-Drama Good performances from Johansson and Driver. I particularly loved the opening as it symbolised the beginning of the end for the couple. It had a wonderful attention to detail too (the letters). Baumbach is a good screenwriter and hits the lines where its suppose to be (e.g. fight at the apartment near the end of the film, although Charlie says such childish things - its reflective of the truth/a natural reaction to such event).

The Kingmaker (Dir. Lauren Greenfield) - Documentary/Drama About Philippine politics. Made me feel so angry as it hits so close to home, which still affect me and my family today. Clever structure. It begins by almost mocking Imelda Marcos which gives it  a comedic effect and a lighthearted touch - necessary to tackling a heavy subject. However, it unravels slowly and leaves you with a gut punch feeling in the end, hitting you cold hard facts and what reality is for the ordinary Filipino people - away from Imelda’s rich and flamboyant world. It made me want to start a revolution.

The Disappearance of My Mother (Dir. Beniamino Barrese) - Documentary A story told in a such loving lens. An interesting study on the relationship (of Benedetta Barzini) with the camera - especially as a model and now through her filmmaker son’s lens. Raises the questions: how to be seen, how would you like to be seen, to what level or depth you can actually be seen. Nice mix of archive and interviews. I like the imperfect shots the most where the filmmaker just carries the camera - shaky, unbalanced; it makes it feel more intimate.

And Then We Danced (Dir. Levan Akin) - Romance/Drama Warm and tender. Beautiful colour grading that matched the essence of the film - delightful yellow tones. Such an important story to tell and captured the zeitgeist of today (lgbt love story/coming of age in one of the most orthodox countries in the world - Georgia). Respectful portrayal of Georgian dance and traditions; shown with honour and pride. Closing scene is so moving and strong; it captures him coming to terms with his identity - both as a dancer and as a queer person. The desire told in this story is multifaceted - his desire to become the best dancer and his desire for Irakli.

Portrait of a Lady on Fire (Dir. Céline Sciamma) - Romance/Drama A compelling story. I’m always fascinated by strong stories that is held together by a small ensemble or little cast. It reminds me that as long as you have a solid story and characters with depth, you don’t need a lot to make it a fulfilling and rememberable. Bursting with colour. Every frame feels like a painting. The cinematography has a beautiful kind of stillness; I appreciate this so much as it feels like a complete antithesis to society/our current way of life. So refreshing to see the female gaze in its full glory. Closing scene is so moving and powerful - similar to Luca Guadagnino’s Call Me By Your Name. This really stayed with me.

Overseas Documentary (Dir. Yoon Sung-A) - Documentary Interesting background - Belgian/French production about a Filipino story, told by a Korean director. I really enjoyed the observational eye this documentary is told; allowing the story unfold by itself. It enabled the people to tell their story; the most authentic and truthful lens.

Lingua Franca (Dir. Isabel Sandoval) - Drama Promising work from Sandoval. Another important story worth telling, especially since its a minority story (trans, undocumented woman in America, trying to get a Green Card/be legalised; how this is a dehumanising process). However, I find that it focused too much on tragedy. Also, editing felt off at times or left too ambiguous.

Matthias + Maxime (Dir. Xavier Dolan) - Drama A pretty loud film. Lots of talking. Production Design is kind of weird as it doesn’t put a timestamp on the story (not sure if it was the 80s or early 2000s?). Perhaps this is to make the story timeless? But a part of me just found it a bit confusing. Strong casting and the ensemble is captivating to watch. I liked how the root of what happened to Matthias and Maxime wasn’t shown to show how it affected them after and the kiss wasn’t sensationalised. It made their kiss later on much more impactful (in relation to the build up). Nice story but not Dolan’s best.

Dogs Don’t Wear Pants (Dir. Jp. Valkeapää) - Drama Interesting experience. Offered a much more in-depth perspective on BDSM, on a personal/humanising standpoint that is beyond pleasure. Production Design was excellent. Cinematography is so precise and there’s a clear visual language shown. Hard story to get into and the pacing is quite slow, with a sudden rush near the end of the story.

Rocks (Dir. Sarah Gavron) - Drama/Youth Beautiful cast and has girls from minority backgrounds at the heart of its story - something that British cinema is yet to improve on. Interesting that the ensemble is made up of mainly non-actors to keep the youthful spirit alive. Making process is certainly interesting. However, the story is pretty much a given and I find that it focused too much on tragedy.

A Hidden Life (Dir. Terrance Malick) - War/Drama Slow cinema; nice contrast to the world and pace of life we all lead. Stunning cinema throughout: crisp sound design and cinematography feels like a painting, honouring nature and the environment. Really keep the senses alive. I like the use of the “active camera” (tracking shots, handheld), during the points of the film where it was the most joyful - it truly captured the beauty of life. Lots of upward shots, featuring the sky - something quite holy and feels omnipresent. I like how the bond between the husband and wife is portrayed by the letters, which carries the story forward - a nice technique.

Personal favourites:

Tier 1: Our Ladies, And Then We Danced, Portrait of a Lady on Fire, The Kingmaker Tier 2: Matthias + Maxime, Lingua Franca, The Lighthouse

_______________________________

Additional viewings: Short Film - Programme 1 and 2 Programme 1: If I Knew / What do you know about the water and moon / White Girl / Fault Line / Gu04 / In Vitro Programme 2:

Algorithm / Between / In Between / Child / Watermelon Juice / Queering in Teknolojik

Seeing the Short Film Programme is also important in my professional development as its much more closer to where I am at in my practice. It showed me the kind of stories that are currently being told by my contemporaries and opens me up to new techniques or alternative ways of storytelling. Its always a eye opening experience and pushes me out of my comfort zone, widening my knowledge. It raises the questions: how can I do things differently? What makes this technique or story particularly strong? What do I like about this? What do I dislike about this? What are the key elements which makes me drawn to it. These questions and observations will help me shape and refine my practice. I hope to apply these in my next film and I look forward to what is next.

_______________________________

In the following year, I look forward to attending Cannes Film Festival (May) and Sundance London (May/June). Film festivals continue to have a special place in my heart.

[philcreateddan]

And just like them old stars

Title:  And just like them old stars

Words: 1k

Warnings: none

Tinder can be a fun way to find new friends, wholesome people or unwated dick pics. And share it all with your boyfriend. 

His stomach starts hurting from laughing so much. A little moisture accumulating on his eyes that he swiftly wipes off to clear the sight of Dan in front of him. His pleased smile concealing something deeper than the joke he had made.

“I swear that’s what she replied to me!” Dan yells high pitched and excited, showing him his cellphone with the texts he had just read out loud. “I am going to start puking rainbows right now Phil.”

“But the guy… the one from before, he just…” Phil can almost not finish his sentence when his lungs demand him to inhale, but it is finished for him anyway.

“He fucking sent me a dick pick, like, I was recording and now I will have to edit that whole part out.” The phone is shoved back to Phil’s face with a picture of a cock on it. “Literally the ugliest dick I have ever seen, Jesus Christ was he flaccid or does it naturally look like a toe?”

“Delete it. It isn’t as bad as the one, remember?”

“The burnt croissant!” they both say at the same time, erupting in more laughter than before. Both clutching their stomachs afterwards, leaning on their respective chairs. The one that belonged there and the other Phil had dragged to sit next to Dan while he edited the video he wanted to upload that day.

A few minutes passed, cheeks hurting from being stretched for so long, stomach muscles screaming of pain from being contracted.

The video had been Dan’s idea. The direction of it at least. His pictures, Phil recalls, taken the day before along a sketch in order to both maximize time and tease a side of their workplace they both loathed. All in all it was going to be a good video for his channel, funny and catching enough to get them good earnings in return.

“It’s going to be a good video.” He says out loud gazing the ceiling. Tall and white and no splits visible. Already theirs even with unexplored corners and unseen failures. They had filled it with memories little by little during the past months and the walls weren’t as empty and foreign anymore.

“We are sell outs Phil.”

“They’ll forgive us. They know it’s for a future.” He shrugs, having read the commentaries on his own sponsored video but even without that, certain enough from the mutual trust shared with the people off screen.

“Yeah. The forever home is worth me creating an account on Tinder.” There is a hint of sarcasm in his tone that hasn’t gone away since the contract was signed, nor explored yet. But Phil knows better than pushing the issue, he knows Dan is going to share when his mind finds the words. Phil only has to wait and stay close.

“You can close it now. Or keep in touch with Mr. ToeDickson, see if he lives nearby.” Phil chuckles at his own joke but hears nothing in return. He looks back at Dan staring at him with a soft, almost invisible smile, not quite reaching his eyes.

“I didn’t tell them after… not really. Like before deleting the app I told David that no thanks, this was for a video and my boyfriend wouldn’t like us to go on a date and he laughed. Maybe I should have skipped the video part but I doubt he watches that part of youtube anyway.”

Phil stays silent for a moment, amused really from the blabbering and how not even a hint of jealousy peaks in him. Even with the pictures he chose, who wouldn’t have been interested in Dan Howell, is a wonder for him.

“It’s alright. David can even come here to eat if you want; he seems like a nice guy to be friends with.”

Dan nods, his smile deeper. “I mean. It is okay, isn’t it? Are you… we okay? Because they are going to talk and rewind and listen and they won’t hear a declaration.” He looks up at Phil “or a denial.”

“Oh.” Phil leans back on his seat again.

They had been doing that for a while now. Not confirming, not denying. Not hiding the truth but not exposing it either. And this video was going to be a confirmation of one part but not the whole.

He thinks of before, of years back when fear had iced them both in different ways and how this video could have been different back then. Still could. “It would be easier. If you want. Add a bit more of drama to your story.” And Phil knows the answer already because sometimes, he rejoices to believe, they do share a mind connection beyond any normal friendship. But it still feels good when a warm, golden hand reaches for his own. He takes it immediately.

“No.” Dan’s tone is certain, his big, so beautiful eyes firm on his own.

Not again. Never again. Phil can almost hear him saying. Not needing to because the promise had been done in their own way back when it had hurt so bad them both had collided in pieces.

Because denying something isn’t the same as hiding it. A lesson they learned together.

Denying means hurting and failing. Keeping appearances to extremes that cut so deeply, no intimacy could heal. It evokes shame and fear in ways Phil hates to remember. Lies that twists trust for a large amount of time.

Hiding it means not denying but keeping private what should have always be between them two. Concealed from eyes that want to scratch and find minimum imperfections and enhance them. Wounds from their past that still sting if touched.

Not everyone, they know. But still enough. A price for having an influence in such amount of diverse people. People they are proud of, but still afraid to a degree yet respect even more than to blatantly lie.

He takes Dan’s hand to his lips, kissing it in three different places. “They’ll know. They already know. And they are going to be proud of you and they are going to keep your walrus selfie as their icons for years.” Dan is pulling his hand back to him by then but Phil’s grip harder “I, personally want to print and frame it on the lounge. No wonder Mr. ToeDickson had a hard time getting it up.”

“That’s it. Get the fuck out and let me edit the rest of the video.” Dan pushes him then, making his chair almost trip with one of the terrariums and turns his attention back to the screen.

Phil stands up, stretches his arms above his head. “Let them know there won’t be a liveshow today.”

“I knoooow.”

There is the idea of saying he would have swiped right anyway, but it’s too cheesy to say out loud. He kisses Dan’s head, mutters an I love my walrus instead and promises Chinese for dinner instead. Leaves with Dan’s dimple visible on the reflection of the screen.

[ramajmedia]

10 Best Laika Animation Characters, Ranked | ScreenRant

Known for projects like Coraline, Boxtrolls and Kubo and the Two Strings, LAIKA is one of the most groundbreaking animation studios today. Characters in LAIKA feature films are complex and far from perfect, and the struggles they face often end in unexpected twists. Villains are almost never what the seem in LAIKA films and neither are heroes.

RELATED: 10 Animated Spin-Offs As Good As The Characters They're Based On

Like any good story, the character is the heart of a LAIKA movie, and the company has given fans some of the most interesting, relatable characters over the years. While many animated films portray the hero in a purely positive light, LAIKA isn't afraid to embrace a little bit of darkness, which is why their features are so much fun to watch.

10 Mr. Link, Missing Link

Demonstrative of LAIKA's famous "character who isn't what you would expect," Mr. Link, the "Bigfoot" of their latest film, Missing Link, is a wonderfully polite intellectual. An auto-didactic learner, he puts the standard Sasquatch myth to shame. His shyness is also charming for this particular character, although it makes sense for Bigfoot to be shy since he's so elusive in the first place.

Many of LAIKA's best characters are also brought to life by strong voice actors, and Zach Galifianakis does not disappoint in this role. He fully commands the audience's attention as the refined Sasquatch of the movie.

9 Fish, Boxtrolls

The Boxtrolls is practically Oliver Twist... with trolls. And much more. It's not LAIKA's best work, but it's filled with lots of imagination, tropes turned onto their heads and one of the most adorable surrogate fathers in history. Fish is an unsuspecting, shy troll who has no idea he's going to become a parent to a human boy, but he lovingly cares for him in a way that's unexpected from a monster, or totally expected from a LAIKA movie.

RELATED: Ranking Tim Burton's 10 Favorite Movies

Fish is even captured himself, so his son has to save him. The curious inventor, voiced by Dee Bradley Baker, isn't a typical leader, but he's kindly and caring, qualities we often see in LAIKA heroes.

8 Courtney, Paranorman

It's not common for LAIKA to use a cliche trope in a movie, but many of the trope characters in Paranorman surprise us. Jock Mitch has a boyfriend in a beautiful reveal that was so casual yet fitting in a film about stereotypes, fear, and mob mentality. Bully Alvin ends up being an okay ally. Witch Agatha isn't who she seems to be at all.

But it's cheerleader Courtney, who is annoyed by her little ghost-seeing brother, who turns out to be his most fierce supporter. She pep talks him, holds his hand and scolds the entire town when her own parents can't protect Norman and helps save the day. The characters' bodies in the film are also fantastically different, destroying the perfect shapes and sizes cartoon characters often have.

7 Beetle, Kubo And The Two Strings

While Kubo is the hero of his own titular quest, and he's a lovely character who ultimately gets his answers, it's his parents' story that is so awe-inspiring in the film. The whole movie is an example of redemption and family love, even when it seems as if all is lost, and Beetle, the funniest character of the movie, is at the heart of it.

RELATED: Top 10 Stop-Motion Animation Movies

Cursed to take the form of a beetle and lose his own memory, Beetle is heroic and loving, and when his true identity becomes clear, it is nothing short of goosebump-inducing. It's one of the best love stories in animation, even if the film isn't a love story itself.

6 The Other Mother, Coraline

One of the most terrifying villains of all time is from a LAIKA film. To be fair, The Other Mother, also known as the Beldam, was written by Neil Gaiman in the equally terrifying, if often different, young adult novel of the same name, but she really came to life in the most nightmarish way in the movie.

The Other Mother takes our deepest desires and turns them into a horrible reality, which kind of ruins the entire world. That's the whole theme of Coraline as her fake world crumbles around the heroine, demonstrating that real life can never be perfect and the stuff of our dreams may not be what we really want in the end.

5 Neil, Paranorman

Irritable bowl syndrome, ownership of a kitty cat lunch box and sweating when you walk don't sound like the characteristics of your usual hero, but Norman's unlikely best friend, Neil, really isn't an average hero. He's a wholesome, adorable kid who is regularly bullied at school yet maintains a positive, even realistic, outlook. He embraces Norman's weirdness when his own family can't seem to do the same, and he stands by his side even when he's scared.

RELATED: 10 Zombies With GREAT Personalities

Neil is representative of every kid. He deserves friendship and fun no matter his eccentricities, as do all children, and he's portrayed in such a sweet way that he reminds us that everyone is worthy of love.

4 Winnie Portley-Rind, The Boxtrolls

Winnie Portley-Rind is not all that likable as a character, which is why she's fantastic. She's everything moviegoers see in a standard boy child, from her assertiveness to her rebelliousness. She's not the "feisty girl," but almost abrasive, even aggressive, demonstrating that these qualities aren't only for male heroes.

LAIKA doesn't make the same trite characters, but they go beyond that, creating highly imperfect people with whom audiences can relate. They don't need saccharine-sweet girls who make an inspiring remark here or there when they're happy to portray the humanness of each character with a multi-faceted approach.

3 Sariatu, Kubo And The Two Strings

Kubo's mother Sariatu is one of the most beautiful characters ever written. Between her real identity and the one she adopts to assist him on his quest, she is incredibly brave, yet her memory issues hinder her ability to parent and care for Kubo, who has to become the parent.

RELATED: Nightmare Before Christmas: Things That Make No Sense About Jack Skellington

As more of Sariatu's story is revealed, particularly through her alter ego, and the audience realizes what sacrifices she has made, a seemingly simple animated feature becomes an incredible epic journey worthy of its 97% Fresh rating on Rotten Tomatoes. It's good storytelling with amazing characters, with Sariatu at the top of the list.

2 Coraline, Coraline

Coraline is one of the most beloved of LAIKA's films, and while the Neil Gaiman-penned classic is a bit different from the animated feature, both portray one of the best heroines of all time. Coraline is a bit annoying. She makes mistakes, she gets into trouble and she ultimately could have prevented everything that happened to her family had she not been so bored and curious. That's why she's brilliant.

Coraline knows she has to rescue her real mom and dad even when the Other world seems too good to be true, as she soon discovers. She has to be brave, tricky and wise in order to solve the puzzle and stay alive, and it's more refreshing than most animated features about girls.

1 Norman, Paranorman

The best LAIKA character ever written is the brooding loner Norman, whose unique paranormal abilities render him an outcast. He's a typical goofy kid who is unable to connect with others because of his abilities, which is only one of the many symbolic themes of this film.

Norman's sense of responsibility, ability to live with how poorly his own family misunderstands him and positive attitude toward the ghosts he encounters every day make him a wonderfully complex character. Even though he's scared, and he owes the town who has judged him nothing, he sets things right with compassion in a way none of them could have done. He's also BFFs with his dead grandma, which is heartwarming.

NEXT: Coraline: 5 Things The Book Does Better (And 5 It Does Worse)

source https://screenrant.com/laika-animation-characters-ranked/

[to-a-merrier-world]

Webcomic recs!

These are some of my absolute favorite webcomics that I’m reading right now (all are in-progress). They aren’t ranked in any order, since I don’t think I could choose a favorite. Also, all of these have queer themes of some variety, since that’s just how I like my entertainment. Anyways, here we go!

1) Check, Please! by Ngozi Ukazu   (read here)

Description: Eric Bittle—former Georgia junior figure skating champion, vlogger extraordinaire, and amateur pâtissier—is starting his freshman year playing hockey at the prestigious Samwell University in Samwell, Massachusetts. And it’s basically nothing like co-ed club hockey back in the South. For one? There’s checking. It’s a story about hockey and friendship and bros and trying to find yourself during the best 4 years of your life. 

My notes: This is one of the more popular webcomics around right now, at least from what I’ve seen, and that popularity is well-deserved. The characters are well-written, unique, and very fun; the story has a good pacing and keeps you engaged; and the art is really nice. I’m personally very fond of this comic because I, too, am a queer Southern guy person, so I can really relate to Bitty and all his struggles and idiosyncrasies. Plus, it’s cute, sweet, has relatable angst, and is already promised to have a happy ending, so what more could I ask for? Also, pie. And hockey butts. And no need for any knowledge on actual hockey. Need I say more?

2) No End by  Erli & Kromi (read here)

Description: No End is a romantic soap opera webcomic about a group of people trying to survive and make lives for themselves in a cold, post-apocalyptic world ravaged by hordes of undead. Heavy on LGBTQ+ themes, content warning for occasional blood, gore, violence and strong language. 

My notes: This comic guys. THIS. COMIC. It’s so good, okay; so good. I’m not even all that into zombies (I’ve only liked In the Flesh and Warm Bodies, as far as zombie stuff goes, if that tells you anything), and I love this comic. I literally read all of it (that was out at the time) last year in one sitting. That good, y’all. The characters are great and surprise you at different turns, the relationships are engaging and realistic, and the art is drop-dead (ha) gorgeous. 

3) Sunshine-Boy (Leftovers) by Moosopp (read here)

Description: Sunshine Boy is about a boy named Kelly, moving to a new environment and struggling to fit in. Growing up in a loving house hold and having supporting parents. He has to learn that the world isn't as nice as he thought it would be. 

My notes: Y’aaaall, this artist is quite possibly my favorite artist, ever. I don’t even know, their style just makes me feel things, ok. Also, this is probably the cutest thing I’ve ever seen in my life. It’s still going, and there are future content warnings for violence/bullying/drug use/sexual content, so it may not stay so lighthearted and cute, but I love it, so. I also just recommend this artist/writer in general, cause all their works are wonderful and gorgeous. Besides my obvious hard on for their art, though, the story has a nice flow and the characters are all really unique and interesting--you can really tell that there’s more to them than what we’ve seen, and I’m personally very excited to see where all these characters go.

4) Les Normaux by KnightJJ (read here)

Description: Les Normaux follows the lives of a bunch of supernatural beings living in Paris after a human wizard named Sebastien moved to the city. 

My notes: Honestly, what’s better than queer characters, Paris, and modern mythical/supernatural creatures in a slice-of-life style comic? Not much. This is a really cool comic that changes which character they highlight in each episode. The character designs are unique; everyone has different problems, solutions, and happy moments, but they’re all connected in one way or another, which is super cool; and I really dig the art style (ok, I know I say this about everything, but I just really love art, ok? All of these people are wonderfully talented and hardworking).

5) George and Johnny by Savi (read here)

Description: Comics about two unlikely friends, George and Johnny. Stayed tuned for bad jokes, high school, sleepovers, bands, romance, burgers, and tiramisu. ((not necessarily in that order)) 

My notes: A comic that has a sweet, chubby, nerdy guy as one of the main characters? Sign me the fuck up. This is an extremely sweet and wholesome comic about two boys becoming close friends (and possibly something else? yet to see...). It’s very much a slice-of-life kind of comic, concentrating on characters and their relationships, and I honestly love it so much. The art style is also really pretty, especially the coloring, which is typically bright and kinda pastel, which I really dig. 

6) Sharp Zero by robotsharks (read here)

Description: Delivering takeout normally doesn't end with lethal exposure to superscience, but Elliot's habit of being at the wrong place at the wrong time lands him in a shitshow that ends up with being brought back from the dead with the help of Danny, the cute intern who he died hitting on. His new form of undead life gives him new powers and recognition from a high ranking superhero organization. While running with the heroes he used to worship, Elliot learns what it really means to be alive. 

My notes: Y’all. Do words even exist to describe my love for this comic? I don’t think they do. The art? Gorgeous. The writing? Interesting, well-paced, and hilarious. The characters? Unique, beautiful, and deliciously diverse. There’s superheroes. There’s the supernatural. There’s aliens. This comic has got it all and it’s amazing. I’ve never seen something so specifically my kind of thing, but this is hitting everything I love, plus its got gorgeous art. Need I really say more?

7) Long Exposure by mars (read here)

Description: Long Exposure is an ongoing webcomic about a nerd and a bully who are forced to work on a class project together. The story revolves around them developing super powers after an incident at a strange research center, and finding themselves followed by a mysterious car, overcoming personal challenges, and (most importantly) discovering how gay they are for each other. 

My notes: I was actually kinda unsure about this comic before I read it, since the whole enemies to lovers trope isn’t often my thing (only if it’s done really well). But after reading what’s been posted? I love it. These characters are imperfect people who the author treats as imperfect people, and they do it really well. Also, their art style is sooo cool and unique, I dig it a lot. Also, I’m really digging where the story is going and how they’re handling it, thus far, so I’m super excited to keep reading it.

8) Heavy Horns by Joane Kwan (read more)

Description: Guy meets guy, but it isn't love at first sight. Just how will Andreas ever get along with the enthusiastic Beau remains to be seen. An unromantic romance. Warning: Can be nsfw, also, these two swear a lot. 

My notes: Okay, so admittedly the first thing that caught my eye with this comic was that one of the main characters literally has horns. Like. Legit horns. Growing out of his head. It works for him, though. Anyways, this is a cool fic and I really like where it’s going, cause it’s really highlighting some of the struggles that queer people face, especially relationship wise. The art is also really gorgeous, with unique character designs that I dig a lot (no, it’s not just because of the guy with the bull horns... I actually like Beau’s characters design the most...).

9) Griefer Belt by Kales (read here)

Description: Griefer Belt is a slice of life series about queer criminals in the black market! Light-hearted dark humor ensues! Contains violence, gore, foul language and sexual references.

My notes: This is a fun one. All the characters have very... grey morality, considering they’re all in the business of black market organs selling (and no, I don’t mean the instrument). But! The characters are fun, the writing is funny, and the art is great. And, honestly, who doesn’t love a little dark humor every once in a while?

Special Mentions:

Memory Born by theroyalglasses (read here) -- there hasn’t been much written for this one yet, but the art is rad and I dig the concept.

Improvise by robotsharks (read here) -- very new, and very fun; same author as Sharp Zero, only this one is about lady assassins. Nice.

A Turn for Change by Kace (read here) -- not a lot has happened yet in this comic, but I dig the characters, and the art style is pretty rad.

Same Shit Different Day by Moosopp (read here) -- by the same author as Sunshine Boy, this is kinda just a mini comic about the artist’s life. I’m still in love with the art, and we also, apparently, have similar senses of humor, so I genuinely find this comic hilarious

And that’s it! I hope you can find something you love, too, out of this list. And if you end up getting into any of these, come chat with me! I’m always up for chatting about these comics! 

[severelyleftstudentposts-blog]

Gorgeous and Lovable, the Yalla!

يلا شوت "Ahead march, no halting," "yalla" in Arabic, or "en avant" in French, is the ideal anthem for adventuresome women who are on their journeys of awakening to their intuitive, stunning and lovable selves. Based mostly on my personal activities and my close operate and friendships with girls, I have surmised that women yearn to really feel at ease with them selves, to take by themselves, and to be correct to themselves. Also, that, until finally they do, they will not really feel genuinely lovely, but will imagine their beauty is always matter to external circumstances. Experience beautiful and experience lovable are inextricably entwined. They feed one particular one more. We can by no means really feel genuinely stunning except if we truly feel lovable. Similarly, unless we know our lovableness, we are forever questioning our elegance. These kinds of a state is really agitating. It breeds incessant insecurity, forcing our thoughts into violent, irregular motion. In purchase to see and really feel our possess attractiveness and lovableness, we require to unwind into ourselves. And, we need to rethink or reframe our ideas of elegance. In my Yalla! perform with females, we carefully redefine "elegance" in new terms. For illustration, elegance is "the point out of being alive, conscious of our really worth, curious, open, appreciative, humane, intuitive, playful, adventuresome, observant, laughing, compassionate, relational and innovative." Awakening to our splendor and lovableness is essential to our emotional well being and the good quality of our relationships. Awakening is an critical for, if we don't, we are comatose, dried up, and can't totally contribute to our world. When a woman is aware of her correct splendor, she does not seek out validation from exterior resources and she is not vulnerable to people resources (societal or in any other case), that notify her that she is "not adequate unless of course she..." The generate for validation, acceptance, interest -- in other terms, to fill the void within -- qualified prospects to anguish, damaging alternatives, shaky interactions, and fear. I converse from my own encounter on this. Concomitantly, when a lady is awake to her personal attractiveness, she methods other individuals as equals, relaxed, and without having a wall of insecurity. This fosters much healthier interactions, professionally and individually. There is much less self-censorship, self-criticism, and codependency due to the fact she feels whole. Awakening to our personal beauty and lovableness arrives from reconnecting with who we are, not from flying on automobile-pilot with whom we consider we have to be. When ladies are genuine, they totally free other girls and guys to be so. We create our very own design. We exude attractiveness by cultivating our lives and bodies with lovely feelings, good emotional behavior and wholesome knowledge. But we need tools and mentors to do this. This is why it is so essential for ladies to collect and share their ancient and collective methods of becoming. No lady can obtain this on her personal. In get to be fully ourselves, we want to stay warn, consider for ourselves, and rebel against all the faulty media mayhem concerning splendor and lovableness. In fact, we can develop a behavior of being awake to our splendor, an internal-being aware of of our splendor that cannot be easily blown off course. We can pay interest to our feelings and bodies -- our inner gyroscope -- to understand immediately when we are beginning to sink. And, we can understand what to do to keep afloat. Awakening to our possess lovableness arises when we settle for ourselves just the way we are appropriate now. The travel to be "better" is a denial of our present dearness and of our right as a human currently being to be an imperfect learner. It qualified prospects to continual dissatisfaction. No one at any time "comes." We understand to know our benefit, not in conditions of what we do for other individuals or in others' eyes, but in conditions of how authentically we are living. We apply acute self-awareness to identify when our behavior is pushed by a need for other people to see our price, attractiveness, and lovableness, - and to know how to regroup and settle for ourselves once more to live a juicy lifestyle. We totally free ourselves of the relentless self-question which can make our hearts large. We shamelessly rejoice in ourselves and find out to treat ourselves carefully. Females are really challenging on them selves. Generally, we show other folks significantly far more compassion than we demonstrate ourselves. We keep ourselves to schedules and to-do lists which twelve men and women couldn't attain. We do not give ourselves place to breathe. We see items in conditions of both "failure" or "achievement," relatively than seeing ourselves and all other individuals as "learners." What a joy it is to cultivate our compassionate natures. Sadly, we typically come to feel so burdened, hurried and harried, that we neglect to see options to exercise our compassion. We fall short to observe an additional in require, are unsuccessful to respond to our fellow beings. And this produces a hollow existence with no soul. Perhaps such a malnourished woman can't set her finger on what's lacking, but self-orbiting and a deficiency of consciousness of other folks are gross neglect of her divinity and inner joy. And it is dull. Regardless of whether out of self-preservation, a mistaken idea of independence as often "doing it all by myself," et cetera, ladies usually build a wall all around them selves 4-feet thick. They grow to be doers, fairly than be-ers, and don't even notice when love comes knocking in its myriad types. It's time that we chortle a lot much more, enable adore in, and improve our capacity to acquire (or enable) enjoy. It's time that we develop a simpler daily life with much more place to breathe, that we value and delight in the simple issues which nourish the soul. We can do this. We can produce the excellent habit of stimulating our creativeness every day and apply self-recognition and use the sharp instruments we collect to this conclude. It is all proper and, even, essential to concern roles and associations. We require to permit ourselves our wishes to create, and whatever else we desire to do. We can know the place we begin and conclude, so we no for a longer time fall into co-dependency. To be totally free, we have to remove the hateful shoulds. Permission granted! Might we locate the braveness to stroll our very own life, and to be introduced into relationship once more with our instinctual selves who long to categorical, generate, run, growl, dance, mourn, nourish, giggle, scream, stomp and make really like. We are all "learners." Permit us exercising self-compassion, be affected person and mild with ourselves. Learning that we are lovable and lovely, enable us practice permitting really like to reach our molten magma main, instead than working in a method of hurry-up exactly where we miss the billions of expressions of enjoy each and every working day. Enable us nourish ourselves with the excellent joy that arrives from noticing other folks in require of treatment and responding to them. Women, we need to be deeply type to ourselves. We need to release guilt and self-blame, as nicely as blame of others (yet again, blame suggests a perception of victimhood). Let us revel in this superb globe, realizing that we are integral parts of it. Permit us embrace our household known as "humanity." Sadly, girls can be fairly inhumane to girls simply because of their possess insecurities, worry, and absence of realizing their splendor and lovableness. Let us refuse these kinds of pettiness, opposition, and cruelty. Let's wake up to our own beauty and lovableness and take care of our sisters kindly. Awakening to our splendor and lovableness is an ongoing love affair. It never ever finishes. As we find this journey, we learn to be proactively grateful and joyful, independent of conditions. We release the belief of victimhood which stops us in our tracks. Our energy is restored. Action by stage and with each other, we stroll, breathe and dance our life as total females. I propose a toast. Allow us lift our glasses with our inspiring Yalla! sister, Soeur Emmanuelle, and shout, "Yalla, baby!" Copyright 2010. Jennifer Ann Gordon. All Rights Reserved. In the spirit of Soeur Emmanuelle, I named my firm "Yalla!" Yalla!'s sole objective is to "embolden females to dwell deliciously." Forward march, no halting! I've been on quite a journey. Often, I joke with buddies and contact my tales, "Indiana Gordon and the Temple of Doom," but I do not regret a point. I relish each problem. Every single heartbreak deepens my compassion. Every single terror I confront strengthens me. Every single triumph, micro or macro, reaffirms my knowing and teaches me to have faith in intuition. Yalla! provides several distinct goodies to assistance women in their adventures. We offer workshops, dependent on some of the chapters of my guide, "A Woman's Thoughts 50 % Bare," such as "A Virgin Once again," "Get Sassy" and "Crunch," some of which are on-line.

[severelyleftstudentposts-blog]

Stunning and Lovable, the Yalla!

yallashoot "Forward march, no halting," "yalla" in Arabic, or "en avant" in French, is the perfect anthem for adventuresome women who are on their journeys of awakening to their intuitive, gorgeous and lovable selves. Based on my personal activities and my shut work and friendships with ladies, I have surmised that women yearn to feel at relieve with them selves, to settle for by themselves, and to be accurate to themselves. Also, that, right up until they do, they will not really feel genuinely lovely, but will believe their elegance is always subject matter to exterior situations. Feeling gorgeous and emotion lovable are inextricably entwined. They feed one another. We can in no way truly feel really beautiful except if we come to feel lovable. Likewise, except if we know our lovableness, we are eternally questioning our beauty. This kind of a point out is quite agitating. It breeds incessant insecurity, forcing our emotions into violent, irregular motion. In buy to see and really feel our very own splendor and lovableness, we require to chill out into ourselves. And, we want to rethink or reframe our principles of beauty. In my Yalla! operate with ladies, we carefully redefine "splendor" in new conditions. For example, attractiveness is "the condition of being alive, informed of our well worth, curious, open up, appreciative, humane, intuitive, playful, adventuresome, observant, laughing, compassionate, relational and imaginative." Awakening to our splendor and lovableness is crucial to our emotional health and the top quality of our relationships. Awakening is an imperative for, if we don't, we are comatose, dried up, and are not able to entirely add to our world. When a woman is aware of her real elegance, she does not seek validation from external resources and she is not vulnerable to people sources (societal or or else), that tell her that she is "not adequate until she..." The travel for validation, approval, focus -- in other words and phrases, to fill the void inside of -- prospects to anguish, harmful choices, shaky interactions, and dread. I talk from my very own knowledge on this. Concomitantly, when a woman is awake to her possess beauty, she techniques others as equals, comfortable, and without having a wall of insecurity. This fosters much healthier relationships, professionally and personally. There is less self-censorship, self-criticism, and codependency simply because she feels complete. Awakening to our personal elegance and lovableness will come from reconnecting with who we are, not from traveling on vehicle-pilot with whom we think we have to be. When females are genuine, they totally free other ladies and guys to be so. We produce our personal fashion. We exude attractiveness by cultivating our life and bodies with stunning thoughts, very good emotional behavior and wholesome knowledge. But we need to have resources and mentors to do this. This is why it is so crucial for ladies to get and share their ancient and collective ways of becoming. No lady can accomplish this on her very own. In purchase to be entirely ourselves, we want to continue to be notify, consider for ourselves, and rebel from all the erroneous media mayhem regarding elegance and lovableness. In reality, we can develop a practice of getting awake to our attractiveness, an inner-realizing of our splendor that can't be easily blown off training course. We can shell out consideration to our emotions and bodies -- our inner gyroscope -- to recognize instantly when we are starting to sink. And, we can understand what to do to keep afloat. Awakening to our personal lovableness occurs when we acknowledge ourselves just the way we are proper now. The generate to be "better" is a denial of our present dearness and of our appropriate as a human being to be an imperfect learner. It qualified prospects to continual dissatisfaction. No a single at any time "comes." We discover to know our value, not in conditions of what we do for other people or in others' eyes, but in terms of how authentically we are dwelling. We exercise acute self-awareness to recognize when our habits is pushed by a need for others to see our value, elegance, and lovableness, - and to know how to regroup and settle for ourselves yet again to stay a juicy daily life. We cost-free ourselves of the relentless self-doubt which makes our hearts large. We shamelessly rejoice in ourselves and discover to take care of ourselves carefully. Girls are extremely tough on them selves. Normally, we present others significantly more compassion than we demonstrate ourselves. We maintain ourselves to schedules and to-do lists which twelve folks could not accomplish. We don't give ourselves room to breathe. We see items in terms of both "failure" or "success," instead than seeing ourselves and all others as "learners." What a joy it is to cultivate our compassionate natures. Regrettably, we frequently feel so burdened, hurried and harried, that we neglect to see opportunities to exercise our compassion. We are unsuccessful to discover an additional in need to have, fail to reply to our fellow beings. And this results in a hollow lifestyle without soul. Maybe such a malnourished woman are not able to put her finger on what's lacking, but self-orbiting and a deficiency of consciousness of other people are gross neglect of her divinity and internal joy. And it is dull. No matter whether out of self-preservation, a mistaken notion of independence as constantly "carrying out it all by myself," et cetera, ladies often build a wall around by themselves 4-ft thick. They become doers, fairly than be-ers, and do not even recognize when love comes knocking in its myriad kinds. It truly is time that we chortle a lot more, let enjoy in, and increase our capability to obtain (or let) adore. It really is time that we produce a easier life with far more room to breathe, that we value and delight in the simple things which nourish the soul. We can do this. We can produce the good behavior of stimulating our creativity every working day and exercise self-awareness and use the sharp instruments we gather to this stop. It really is all proper and, even, essential to concern roles and interactions. We need to let ourselves our wants to generate, and whatsoever else we would like to do. We can know exactly where we commence and stop, so we no for a longer time fall into co-dependency. To be free, we have to eliminate the hateful shoulds. Permission granted! Could we locate the courage to walk our possess life, and to be brought into romantic relationship yet again with our instinctual selves who long to express, develop, run, growl, dance, mourn, nourish, giggle, scream, stomp and make enjoy. We are all "learners." Enable us physical exercise self-compassion, be patient and mild with ourselves. Learning that we are lovable and beautiful, enable us exercise allowing really like to get to our molten magma core, fairly than working in a manner of hurry-up where we skip the billions of expressions of love every single working day. Permit us nourish ourselves with the fantastic joy that arrives from noticing other folks in need of care and responding to them. Females, we need to be deeply variety to ourselves. We require to release guilt and self-blame, as effectively as blame of others (once again, blame indicates a feeling of victimhood). Permit us revel in this glorious entire world, realizing that we are integral components of it. Permit us embrace our loved ones referred to as "humanity." Sadly, women can be fairly inhumane to ladies because of their very own insecurities, worry, and absence of realizing their elegance and lovableness. Let's refuse this kind of pettiness, opposition, and cruelty. Let's wake up to our possess elegance and lovableness and take care of our sisters kindly. Awakening to our splendor and lovableness is an ongoing enjoy affair. It by no means finishes. As we find this experience, we understand to be proactively grateful and joyful, unbiased of circumstances. We launch the perception of victimhood which stops us in our tracks. Our energy is restored. Stage by phase and collectively, we walk, breathe and dance our life as total females. I suggest a toast. Enable us elevate our eyeglasses with our inspiring Yalla! sister, Soeur Emmanuelle, and shout, "Yalla, infant!" Copyright 2010. Jennifer Ann Gordon. All Rights Reserved. In the spirit of Soeur Emmanuelle, I named my business "Yalla!" Yalla!'s sole objective is to "embolden females to reside deliciously." Forward march, no stopping! I have been on very a journey. Often, I joke with pals and contact my stories, "Indiana Gordon and the Temple of Doom," but I never regret a point. I relish every single obstacle. Each and every heartbreak deepens my compassion. Every single terror I face strengthens me. Every triumph, micro or macro, reaffirms my being aware of and teaches me to have confidence in intuition. Yalla! delivers several diverse goodies to support ladies in their adventures. We offer workshops, based on some of the chapters of my book, "A Woman's Head 50 percent Naked," this sort of as "A Virgin Once more," "Get Sassy" and "Crunch," some of which are on the web.