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luza-wayne · 6 months

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why people bother with love.

sawamura daichi x reader

wc: 9.2k

this is the longest fic that i've ever written, omg. i love daichi sm<33

also the story is inspired by taylor swift's song 'mine'! i was listening to it while on shuffle playlist and thought it was so good.

a happy and lovely family.

it's the farthest from what your family was.

all your parents did was fight at every little thing that can be talked through.

it was also the reason why you and your siblings are not close with each other. they hide or run away whenever they're fighting, which means, always.

but, they did tell you once.

“they were so deeply in love with each other in the past.”

so, just in the past?

i don't understand.

“then, you shouldn't have spent it on useless things!”

your father's voice made your ears ring. it's in the middle of the night.

they're fighting again.

this is supposed to be a day for me. i just graduated from elementary school today.

“useless?! you call that useless?!” your mother shouted back.

you decided to get off of the bed and silently walk to where the voices are coming from, the kitchen.

“of course, it is!” your father replied.

“our daughter just graduated and you're saying that buying her a small gift is useless?!” your mother asked.

i knew it. it's about that.

you peeked from the opening in the living room which was connected to the kitchen.

“just tell her ‘congratulations!’ or anything! why bother spending money?! we're not rich!” your father rebutted.

“are you hearing yourself right now, huh?” your mother snickered. “what are you even mad about? it's not even over ¥500?”

“you could've used that ¥500 for something more important! like food stocks or bills!”

“her, graduating is important! don’t you dare not acknowledge your daughter’s milestone!”

maybe i should just give them back a ¥500 that i saved from my daily allowance? would that stop them from fighting?

“arhg! you and your obtuse actions!” your father slammed the counter with his balled fist.

“what?! you're one to talk! that stupid "friend" of yours who always borrows money from you! where is he now, huh? out there partying and spending the money you lent him! what did he say? "i'll give it back tomorrow!" i never once saw him return the money he borrows, yet you keep on giving and giving him! what are you, a bank?!” your mother snapped.

“shut up!” your father shouted and clicked his tongue. “you always bring that up! you're always like that! i'm tired of you already!”

“guess who's tired of you too?” your mother crossed her arms and stared at your father blankly.

“is that so? then i'm leaving and never going back here!” your father had enough and walked out.

he met your eyes and was surprised for a bit, but he continued walking to the front door.

you looked at your mother.

she still had her arms crossed above her chest, but she clenched her hands tightly and was biting on her lower lip.

“mom, are you not going to run after dad?” you stepped out from hiding.

your mother flinched, but she quickly realized that you must've heard the whole conversation already.

“why would i? it was his decision to leave! i don't care about him anymore! i'm glad i finally got tired of his ass!” she said and went to get water.

what?

you say that, but why do you look so hurt?

“your hands are quivering, mom.”

as your eyebrows furrowed, you heard the engine starting. you look at the door's direction and run towards it. when you stepped out, you saw your father just hopped on his mini truck.

he saw you running to him. he rolled his window down.

“dad, when are you coming back?” you asked him.

he just smiled achingly at you.

“sorry.” he muttered. you, confused, tilted your

“don't worry, i'd still be there for you, siblings.” he shortly answered.

“what about mom?” you questioned.

“i don't care anymore. i can't bring myself to love her anymore. sorry.” he said and grabbed the steering wheel tightly. he then said goodbye and drove off.

i don't understand.

“they were so deeply in love with each other in the past.”

did their love for each other fade away?

i really don't understand…

love…

“why does everyone bother with it if it never lasts?”

why do we need to fall in love, just to experience the anguish of losing the feeling of it?

•••

“hurry! hurry! their match is already starting!” your friend pulls your hand, as you follow her lead.

“okay, okay.” you answered with no enthusiasm.

what am i going to do there anyways? i don't even know the rules in volleyball.

“why are we watching a boys volleyball game in the first place?” you asked her.

“it's our school's team! they can represent miyagi in the spring high tournament, if they win against the team they're playing today.” she said,

okay, still didn't anyways why we should be here.

when you two reached the bleachers, your other classmates waved at you and pointed at the seat they reserved for you both.

the first set just finished when you arrived. you just used the cheering megaphone they handed you and just created some noise as the players walked on the court.

“kageyama-sama, do your best!” you heard your friend scream her heart out.

that answers my question. also, what do you mean, "-sama"? you're older than him, right?

you sighed and just continued cheering.

the umpire blew the whistle and signaled that the second set was starting. you watched as a guy with bowl-cut from the opposing team serves.

your eyes widened a bit seeing how hard he serves, you were so sure no one could receive it.

but, the guy was there to break your thoughts.

he easily receives it, making your eyes widened even more.

as soon as he received it, they ran towards the net and he hit the ball over the other team, earning them the first point of the set.

wow.

your mouth hangs open.

“h-hey,” you called for your friend's attention. “who was that?”

“who? the one who sets?! that's kageyama! he's a firs—”

“no, the one who hits the ball.” you immediately stopped her.

“oh, that's the captain, sawamura daichi, from class 4. i think he's friends with sugawara too.” she answered shortly, now that the topic is not kageyama anymore.

number 1… that means he's the captain, right?

the match continued and they won the set. they lost the third, but won the fourth.

you were hanging on your seat as the set, supposed to be just 15, goes over to 20 and you cling to your friend tightly as the final whistle was heard and karasuno was declared the winner.

“wah! kageyama-sama, congratulations!” your friend bawled out.

“he's amazing too, right?” you said as you clapped, seeing sawamura receive the trophy.

“of course! he's kageyama-sama's teammate, after all!” she said, still dragging kageyama to the conversation.

when it was time to move out, your friend said she needed to go to the toilet, so you went there with her.

as you two passed the entrance to the gym floor, you saw the black uniforms standing there.

oh, they're here.

“sugawara!” your friend suddenly shouted, calling for your classmates' attention. almost all of them looked in your direction. “congratulations!” she said,

“oh! thanks!” sugawara replied, waving his hand in the air with a big smile.

you thought you might as well congratulate your classmate.

“congratulations, sugawara.” you said, not as loud as your friend's voice, but enough for him to hear.

“ah! (y/n), thanks!” he thanked you.

you two then bowed to them and continued to go to the bathroom, all while your friend celebrated that he got kageyama's attention earlier too.

“okay, i got it already. just go and hurry up.” you shut her up when you reached the comfort room.

you just walked to a close bench to the bathroom and took a seat, waiting patiently for your friend to finish.

“hey,” you heard a voice say.

you're not sure whether they're talking to you or not, but you looked up at where it came from.

“you're…” you started and stood on your feet. “sawamura, right?”

“uh, yeah. i'm sawamura.” he said as he reached for his nape and rubbed it with his palms awkwardly.

“you were so awesome in the game earlier. congrats.” you told him and smiled.

“thanks. i actually think i look unsightly during the game, especially when i'm just running and moving on fumes.” he replied sheepishly.

“well, the fact that you think that and yet you still do it just shows how passionate you are about winning.” you uttered. “still, don't worry. you look cool.” you reassured him.

“really? that's a relief.” he said and sighs relievedly.

there was a few seconds of silence after that and you just stared at each other.

“um… why did you… uhm, approach me?” you asked.

he suddenly gets a bit of tint pink shade on his cheeks, that can be easily missed if you were not looking carefully. maybe the reason, you noticed it also was the fact that his bruised on his left cheeks got your attention.

“well, you see… we won against shiratorizawa.” he started and you hummed. “so, we're already qualified for the spring high, i was just wondering if you'll be watching there too.” he asked.

“why? is my presence needed there?” you confusedly asked, making him chortle.

“for me, it definitely does, haha.” he answered, straightforwardly.

it skipped a beat. my heart just did.

i know these feelings very well. it's the feeling i swore not to follow.

i know where these feelings would bring me to.

“i see. i'll look forward to it then.”

i should've declined back then.

•••

“ever since you moved here, it never got quiet here anymore!”

your old woman neighbor is once again shouting in front of your house.

she's always there and she always just does it whenever sawamura is at work or out for something. it was easy to know since she knows he's a police officer and the police car is not in the parking lot.

you continued to bite your lower lip.

trying to stop yourself from shouting back at the old woman was harder than you thought.

the neighbors said she has a mental disorder, but still her voice. her voice can easily break a plate or two.

normally, you would just ignore her until she leaves, but today you're not like those days. your menstruation started this morning, and the blood got onto the sheets, so you had changed it.

moving around irritates you, but you had no choice but to do the chores, before your husband arrives, since it's just you two in the house and you're off to work today.

speaking of your husband, you looked at the clock and saw the time.

‘where are you?’ ‘your shift should've finished a while ago.’ ‘can you go home already?’

you stared at your phone and waited for him to reply, but he didn't. you just stood up and went to the kitchen.

ah, she left. you thought as you managed to peek outside the window while you walked to the kitchen.

thank goodness, finally.

“guess, i should reheat this.” you muttered to yourself and sighed.

you placed the dinner you cooked, inside the microwave. as you wait for it, you remembered that you haven't looked at the mail today yet.

you hurriedly went outside and opened the mailbox.

“huh?” you were surprised to see the mails filled with bills that needed to be paid.

you groaned as you held the envelopes in hand.

it's the same envelope you receive every month, but somehow these envelopes are more irritating to you right now.

you just closed the mailbox and went inside. you one by one looked through the mail, while you walked back to the kitchen.

and every time you open one, your mood gets worse and worse.

“huh?! why is it so expensive?!” you shouted at the bill you're holding.

we need to spend our money more wisely, even if we're both working.

*ping*

you heard the microwave's sound go off. you immediately took it out forgetting to put on a mitt or even a pot holder.

“ouch!” you screamed. you hurriedly went to the sink and ran the water on it. “damn, what am i doing?”

“i'm home.” sawamura announced as soon as he stepped in.

he's home?!

“argh! wait–” you speed walked to the main door and saw your husband. “welc–”

you stopped mid-sentence when you saw what he's holding.

“uh, i saw a friend of mine while on my way home, that's why i was late, so i thought i should get you something.” he said and extended his arms, a bouquet of flowers in his hands.

you accepted it, staring at it with a forced smile.

“don't like it?” he asked as he kissed your temple and walked to the living room.

you followed him, still looking at the flowers.

“no… it's just—” you sighed. “you didn't have to buy something this expensive…” you muttered.

“so, you don't like it?” he asked as he took off his uniform.

“no, it's not like that. i'm saying you shouldn't have spent the money on something useless—” you said, but decided to just cut yourself off.

you sighed. “thank you, dai.” walking up to him to hug him.

he returned the embrace, but he knew something was wrong.

we could’ve used the money to pay off our bills instead. you thought as you let go from the hug.

sawamura, puzzled, still decided to just give you a bit of space and not to pry yet. he went to take a short shower, while you prepared the table.

while waiting for him to join you, you looked at the envelopes you were just looking at earlier. your eyes then went back to the bouquet that’s now sitting on the center table in the living room.

you breathed deeply.

am i getting ungrateful for not appreciating his effort on buying that?

you got on your feet and went to get it.

staring at it, you finally realized how pretty it was. also, it’s your favorite flower.

you can’t remember when was the last time you mentioned to him what your favorite flower was.

was it when we were on our first date?

you chuckled.

“that guy really knows how to put butterflies in my stomach.”

suddenly, you felt two cold arms wrapped around your waist. you felt him snuggle his nose on your nook of neck.

“dai, stop it. i'm reeking of sweat.” you chortled as you felt a bit tickled by his now growing stubble.

he buried his nose deeper and even inhaled your scent like a man who just regained his sense of smell.

“smells like a pheromone for me.” he replied and lifted you up.

hooking his arms behind your knees and walking to the table. he sat you down on the chair and took a seat adjacent to yours.

as he was about to scoop rice for both of you, you reached out to his cheeks and gave him a peck. he was taken aback, but then smiled at you. he held your hand on his cheeks and brought it to his lips, kissing the back of it.

“thank you for the flowers, dai.” you told him.

“anything for you, babe.” he answered.

maybe i was just thinking a bit too much about our bills. i should just appreciate that he got me these flowers.

…

“mrs. sawamura, please redo this.” your team leader sternly said.

you looked up from your desk and met with an eyes burning and a face that’s barely containing their anger.

“yes?” you asked while your hand was holding the lunch you were about to eat at the canteen.

“there are a lot of inaccurate reports and miscalculated estimates. what are you even doing? do you want our team to lose this project because of you?” she added and slammed the folder on your desk.

“but—” none of those are my jobs though.

i might probably have to add this to my piles of to-do work.

she was about to walk away, when she suddenly looked back.

“and i want them done today.” she said lastly, before walking back to her posts and leaving you with wide eyes.

all of this by today?!

“there’s no way i can finish this today.” you whispered and slumped your back to the chair.

i might need to stay for over time.

as you set your lunch box down on your desk, your phone vibrated. you pulled it out of your vest’s pocket and saw a message notification from your younger sister, who’s in college.

- we’re running out of mom’s medication. - she’s always staring and thinking about a lot of things, i’m afraid it might turn into depression. - and brother’s med maintenance too. - it’ll only last until tomorrow. - we need extra money, but i already used my income from my part-time job to pay off the debts when i borrowed money from my friend to pay for my tuition. she said she badly needed the money. -if you have extra money, can you send us some for your mother and brother? - i’ll try asking someone too.

you let out a frustrated sigh. you grit your teeth and lower your head.

just how bad will this day get?

you repositioned your body. taking deep breaths. you picked up your phone again and replied to your sister.

- no, it’s fine. i have some extra here. i received a bonus yesterday. i’ll send it to you and pay for the remaining balance on your tuition too. don’t forget their meds. let me know how much all in total. thanks for always looking out for them. take care there.

you put down your phone and covered your face with your hands.

well, there goes my bonus. i still haven’t paid for the other bills that i’m supposed to pay for.

“(y/n), you okay?” your workmate asked.

you just nodded and told him you’re okay.

i need to save money.

…

hours have passed since your supposed time to go home, but here you are redoing the whole project that wasn’t even your doing, yet forced to redo so.

“this… is wrong. who the hell put it here?” you said to yourself and immediately fixed it.

thankfully, you are already almost done with it. just a bit more and you can already give it to your team leader. she seemed to stay late too and was working on another project.

that doesn’t mean she should have me revise these mistakes when i wasn't even the one who did it.

“and… there! all done!” you raised your arms in the air and stretched your back.

“finally!” you expressed slumping your body to the chair with relief.

you immediately went to pass it to your leader. she didn’t even bother looking up at you and just said a monotone of “good work, you can go home now.” but, you could care less at this moment, you just want to get it over with and go home and take a bath and sleep.

as you were arranging your belongings, you remembered that you turned your phone off, in order to concentrate more.

you slid your bag on your shoulder and walked to the elevator. you waited for the phone to turn on. you’re the only one inside, so your mind wandered off while waiting to reach the ground floor and for your phone.

should i get a part time job too? ever since my brother got caught up in a motorcycle accident, it feels like money has been slipping out the moment i got them on my hands.

you heard a ping and the door finally opened, the same time as your phone turned on too. while walking to the door, your notifications got bombed with messages from your husband.

…

- can’t wait to have dinner with you <3 - i think i might arrive a bit earlier than our call time - the chief will let us out early today - i’ll be waiting for you, but you don’t have to rush, okay? - are you on ‘do not disturb’ mode? - okay, you might be busy right now - good luck on your work, i love you

- i just got out, i’ll be passing by the house for a moment to change the car and maybe take a quick shower too - still no reply? :( - don’t overwork yourself too much please - i’ll be driving so i might not see your reply - i love you

- i’m on my way to the resto - i’m so excited haha - i’ll be waiting there for you - i’ll be sure to drive safely, because that’s what you always say when i say i’m about to drive - see you there, i love you

- i’m here already, but no need to rush - i’m just early by half an hour - just let me know if you’re seeing these messages - be safe on your way here, i love you

- hey, it’s been two hours already - are you still tied up with your work? - let me know if i should wait for you or pick you up at your work - i can still wait for you though - please reply, babe - i’m getting a bit worried now - reply to me please, i love you

- i just contacted your colleague - he told me you’re staying overtime to finish some things, but couldn’t you tell me sooner? - i’m still waiting here for about four hours now - i’m going home now - at least reply to me once you’ve seen this

…

oh shit, oh shit, oh shit! i completely forgot about our dinner!

you hurriedly ran to call a taxi, knowing that the train was about to close by the time.

i knew something important slipped my mind earlier! i can’t believe it was the date with my husband!

you told the driver the destination of your travel, while also asking him if he can make it so you will arrive faster there. of course, he said he can’t drive recklessly, but he’ll try to drive faster.

while the taxi driver did his job, you tried to reply to your daichi. you explained that you had your phone off, that's why you didn’t receive his messages. the thing is, your messages are going through but he’s not responding to your message.

gosh, i think he’s really mad. what should i do when i get home? we can just have another dinner. ugh, it’s too pricey. you sighed.

after a few minutes, the taxi finally arrived at the street of your house. you told him it’s okay to drop you off here and paid him. while walking to your house, your stomach churns with anxiety as you might find daichi mad.

as you reached your gated house, you searched for your keys only for you to realize that you didn’t bring it with you when you left the house. you contemplated whether to call daichi and have him open the gate for you or just jump over the gate.

while thinking, you suddenly heard the clicking sounds of the gate being opened. you turn around to see your husband in his shorts and t-shirt. he’s not in his night wear yet, so he must’ve been doing some work in his office, just like what he usually does when he gets some free time after eating dinner, though it usually doesn't take this long for him to do those works.

“o-oh, you’re still awake? i didn’t wake you up, right?” you asked, trying not to make it awkward.

“no.” he flatly said.

he finally opened the gate and then waited for you to step inside, without uttering another word. you walked to the front door and opened it, going inside. you left the door open for him.

you set your coat on the rack and followed daichi with your eyes as he closed the front door and walked past you after throwing the keys in the bowl. you also saw your keys there.

i knew it he’s mad.

you walked to the living room to see him opening the television and munching on some chips. seeing this, you felt your stomach grumble. you went to the kitchen and found a bowl of some hot miso soup. your stomach felt even hungrier.

but, i need to talk to dai. you closed your eyes and accepted your hunger later.

you were about to walk to where daichi was when he suddenly stood up and went to the bathroom. he also took a towel, so it seems like he’ll take a shower.

guess, i should eat first then.

…

after eating and washing the dishes, since it’s only the ones you eat with anyways, you went to change your clothes hurriedly, in case daichi finishes his shower already.

when you went back to the living room, there you saw him sitting on the couch, eyes glued to the television.

you walked to him and called his name.

“dai.” he didn’t look at you.

“dai. i forgot about our dinner.” you said and took a seat next to him, he looked at you.

i should just explain it to him and get this over with.

“our team leader was being a little bitchy earlier and gave me work i’m not even supposed to do, so i turned off my phone—” you were telling him about what happened earlier, when he suddenly cut you off.

“is it that hard to remember to tell me that you’re taking an overtime?” he stated. staring at you with a straight face.

“huh?” you asked, deflecting his straightforwardness.

“i’m pissed off that you made me wait for about four hours, but i’m more pissed about the fact that you can’t even tell me that you’re having overtime.” he uttered.

it’s like something just snapped in your mind. you know you’re the one who should apologize for forgetting about your date and even making him wait. but, it must’ve been the awful day that you had that’s getting the best of you right now.

“why is it such a big thing to tell you about that?” you asked him with a stress on the word ‘big thing’.

he furrowed your brows and was taken aback by your question. did you really just ask him why is that a big thing?

he stood up and was still not breaking eye contact with you.

“maybe it’s because i’m your husband, (y/n).” he answered back, now emphasizing his words. “of course, i need to know because i get worried why you aren’t back yet when your working hours are already done.”

you raised your eyebrow.

“if you were that worried, then you should’ve come to my workplace and checked up on me.” you said and then stood up too, facing him.

“i was about to, when your co-worker replied to me and said you already have taken an overtime and possibly forgotten about our reservation!” he rebutted, his voice getting louder.

“then it's good timing! that was a waste of money anyways, we can always just eat somewhere cheap!” you shouted back.

“it’s you who wanted to eat there!” he pointed at you.

“i never said that! it’s you who wanted to take me there!” you told him and took a step forward.

“why are you always pushing the blame onto someone else whenever you're up against a corner?!” he gritted through his teeth.

“huh?! when did i ever do that—” you were about to talk when he talked over you.

and it was when you realized this is going like what happened with your parents.

“you never owe up to your mistakes, i always try to understand you because i love you, but (y/n), i’m a human too! i have a limit!” he started.

“wha—” before you could even finish, he added something that breaks your heart.

“i’m tired of you always being like that!” he said and stormed off to the bedroom.

you stood there in the middle of the living room speechless.

your world seems to be spinning yet you’re not paying attention to it, you're more focused on the heavy feeling on your chest. it’s so heavy, it feels like your heart has fallen to your stomach and now you can feel the churning of it too.

your legs felt wobbly, you had no choice but to sit back down on the couch. your hand found its way to your chest.

it hurts here.

your eyesight started becoming watery.

“you’re always like that! i’m tired of you already!” “guess who’s tired of you too?” “is that so? then i’m leaving and never going back here!”

no! stop, stop, stop, stop!

don’t think about what happened to mom and dad!

“then i’m leaving and never going back here!”

stop! please!

you know daichi won’t leave you, right?!

he won’t leave you!

he won’t.

…right?

i just have to apologize—

“they were so deeply in love with each other in the past.”

no…

i still love daichi!

stop thinking like that!

with all these thoughts, you didn’t even realize how much you’re crying, but somehow not making any sounds. your body is still adapted to your childhood habit of immediately covering your mouth and nose when crying in order not to let anyone hear it.

it’s a habit that started the night you realized that you’re the reason why your parents have broken off. if you didn’t ask your mother for a gift that day, then there might be a chance that your family is still together.

your body slid and now you’re lying on the couch sideways, still covering your mouth and nose.

i still love daichi.

but, daichi’s tired of me already.

i knew love never lasts, but i thought it might be different with daichi. i was too naive to think love would treat me differently than my parents.

everything comes and goes.

in the end, it was a cycle.

not the love, but what happened with my parents’ love story and mine.

it will never last. love is.

…

waiting for a bit until you stopped crying, you picked up your coat again and put it on. you were about to take your keys, but realized you don’t need it anymore. before leaving, you remembered one thing. you walked back to the living room and took off your ring, setting it down on the table, all while holding back your tears again.

daichi’s the type to sleep his anger until he calmed down, so you didn’t have to think that he might pop out suddenly and ask you where are you going.

you have already booked a taxi to take you somewhere that might not be a safe haven for you, but still has a deep hold to you.

“can you take me here?” you said to the driver and he said he can and then quietly drove you there.

you turned your phone off to avoid someone calling you. you slept on your way there and when you felt the car stop for a bit too long, you immediately opened your eyes. a bittersweet smile appeared on your face as you stared at the house from the window.

you thanked the driver and hopped out of the taxi. you stood in front of the house unlighted because it’s already midnight, though to you it looked more gloomy rather than creepy.

one of the rooms is still with lights on, you grabbed your phone and messaged your sister. a few moments later, she was out of the house, wearing her pajamas, surprised to find her sister out of the house in the middle of the night.

as much as how surprised she was, she knew it was out of ordinary for you to show up in front of the house on a random day. she knew you had your reasons, but never forced you to tell her about it. it’s not like you’ll travel for about three hours just to visit them, just because you thought about it, what’s more it’s in the middle of the night.

she helped you get your room ready, she can see from your eyes that you needed to rest your body and mind. when it was already done, you thanked her and encouraged her about the plates she’s finishing, that's why she’s staying up late.

you laid on your bed, the same bed that has been with you with everything. it is nostalgic to think about the memories, but you can’t help but think about those times where the family is still complete and somehow you are acting like a real family.

“i’m back. you’re seeing another pathetic side of me.” you muttered to yourself, referring to the bed and realized that maybe it’s the whole room too.

you turned your eyes to the pictures stuck on your walls. your lips quivered again as you stare at the picture you put up in the past of you and daichi when you had an aquarium date.

it’s a picture of you two kissing that was perfectly photobombed by a large stingray, that made both of you look like you had wings.

“why do humans fall in love? it hurts my heart, yet i can’t stop loving the man i married.” you uttered as a tear fell out of your eyes.

you were about to close your eyes, when suddenly you heard a knock on your door. you looked up and stared at it, thinking it could be your imagination. again, three knocks came. you immediately went to get whoever it was. did your little sister forget something? or did you?

opening the door, you were greeted by your mother in a wheelchair. smiling up at you.

“i knew it. you came home, i see.” she said, still smiling affectionately at you.

“mom, why are you still awake?” you asked, kneeling in front of her. you held her hand and returned the smile.

“i was asleep, but i woke up when i heard your bedroom’s door being opened.” she explained and tapped you, asking you to stand up.

“huh? ah…” you were puzzled by what she said, but then remembered it.

“your door lets out a peculiar sound every time it opens and closes, right?” she chuckled and pointed at your balcony.

you went behind her and pushed the wheelchair to your balcony, the breeze was chilly, so you went to your dresser and looked for something thick to cover your frail mother’s body. you came back with a jacket, and wrapped it over her shoulders while she was staring at the star-filled sky.

“it’s beautiful.” she spoke.

you looked up and truthfully, it was beautiful but you were not in the mood to admire them. you just answered her with a simple, “yeah.”

for a moment, it was quiet. the only sounds you’re hearing are the sound of the wind brushing against the trees and leaves and the sound of the crickets.

it was quite, you thought it would be okay to just stay like this, but you know somewhere someone would speak up. it was your mother who did.

“did something happen at your house?” she finally asked the same question your little sister wanted to ask but decided not to.

you tried to stay quiet, but you were aware you have to, sooner or later, need to tell them the reason rather than keeping them in the dark.

and yet, you can’t find the courage to speak.

your mother smiled.

again, it was quiet.

for a few minutes, it stayed quiet. actually, you think it might actually go until half an hour. half an hour of letting the noises of nature fill both of your ears, half an hour of feeling the cold blow of the midnight wind on your skin.

you looked down at your mother and noticed that she’s just staring at something far. it was like her mind was occupied by something.

“mom,” you called, she answered you by humming, “what are you thinking about?”

“i’m thinking about your father.” she said lightly.

you were surprised. the topic about your father was like a forbidden one, you and your siblings never talked about your father when in presence of your mother, yet she just told you that he’s running in her mind right now.

i thought she hated him.

“why?” you asked.

she smiled weakly.

“i’m thinking that if i followed him back then, maybe i would be happy right now.” your eyes widened.

she still remember that? and… she regrets not running after him? but, he’s…

“i thought you said you didn’t love him anymore?”

she chuckled.

“i thought so too.”

…

it’s saturday and almost four o'clock in the morning, daichi was woken up by his alarm clock, he forgot to turn off before sleeping. it was already weird, because usually he never hears it. it was you who got woken up by it first and then turned it off. after that, you’ll be nudging him and even getting on top of him with your whole body to wake him up.

his body feels so tired. he stretched his arms out, only to feel the cold sheet next to him. he sprung up on his ass.

“where is—”

he shut his eyes tight when he remembered what happened last night.

“damn it. i decided to sleep again while i’m mad. i should stop doing that. she doesn't like it either.” he muttered as he got off the bed and stretched out his body.

he went outside the room to get water and find you. he searched the living room with his eyes, but he didn’t see you, he walked to the kitchen and you weren’t there either.

maybe in the bathroom? he thought and his feet dragged him there.

no. you weren’t there.

at this point, he was ignoring the thumping sounds of his heart. there’s no way you did what he’s thinking… right?

he went outside, even though he knows himself it’s ridiculous, to see you watering the plants. but, still there’s no sign of you.

he went back inside and searched every room, but still no one jumped out and said that you were just playing hide-and-seek with a just-woken-up him.

where were you?

he went to sit on the couch. short and fast breaths taking over his lungs.

please just tell me you went out to jog. or that you went to shop this early in the morning. anything that could be outrageous to do at this time you can do it and he wouldn’t even laugh. just show up before his eyes and calm down his heart getting scared minute by minute that he might’ve ruined everything last night.

“where are you, baby? please, just this once let it be a joke.” his said with a shaking voice.

he looked down and finally saw it. the ring you left, before you went and left the house.

daichi laughed.

“now, if this is a nightmare, i fucking hate it, haha.” he laughed as he picked it up with trembling fingers.

it wasn’t happening. if he closes his eyes and opens it again, he’ll find you sleeping soundly beside him.

but it didn’t.

he clutched the ring in his palms as he wobbly stood up and went to the bedroom to get his phone. maybe if he calls you and apologizes, he can fix this relationship.

but, it wasn’t going through.

“did she block me already? please don’t. i’ll apologize for everything i did and said. just don’t leave me.” he muttered, shaking voice and tears finally escaping his eyes.

he kissed the ring, before deciding to get on his feet.

he’s not letting this relationship end, if he had to eat dirt for you to forgive him, he’ll go out of his way to search for the dirtiest mud and eat it for you.

he checked the closet. his line of work will become handy to him, but he didn’t think that it’ll be useful in this way. you didn’t take any clothes with you. so, there’s a high chance that you’ll go somewhere you have a stock of clothes with them. but, the friend you’re always staying over whenever you have a girl’s night, is out of town right now and the other is attending a party just like what you’ve told him.

as much as he doesn't want to say it, he knows that you’re trying to save money, so you probably won’t stay at a hotel.

he picked up his jacket, phone and wallet.

he knows the only place where you could be.

…

“you thought so too?” you repeated.

“i thought i was tired of him, that i didn’t love him anymore.” she said, “but, i was wrong.” she added.

how can you love someone who hurt you just by thinking about them?

she looked up at you and smiled.

“i realized, i was not tired of loving him.” she looked forward again. “rather, i was tired of our fights. i was tired of always exchanging shouts with him, but i never stopped loving him. ever since that night, never a day passed that i haven’t thought about how i should’ve run after him and told him not to leave me, us.”

your lips quiver while listening. you always made sure not to talk about your father thinking that your mother would hate it, not knowing that everyday she reminisces about their relationship.

again, she looked up at you, but now with a warmer and larger smile.

“so, i thought once i get better, i’ll try and win your father back, even if it took too many years, haha.” she happily said, before looking back in front.

you weren’t able to contain it anymore, you shed a tear for your mother. you bend down and hug her from behind. she was startled when you suddenly wrapped your arms around her, but still caressed her daughter’s head, just like how she used to whenever she cries in her arms. you were happy to see your mother’s genuine smile, a smile that isn’t forced, a smile that isn’t there to show that she’s okay, so you don’t have to worry. you were happy, but you can’t help but cry.

knowing damn well that your father has already married someone else and is having his third child.

you know that and yet, you can’t tell her that. you don’t want to. not when she just finds inspiration to be well again.

but, you didn’t expect to hear what she said next.

“your father… he already found someone else, didn’t he?” she suddenly said that it made you freeze.

you felt wet drops on your arms.

“i-i— he—” you wanted to lie, but can’t bring another heartbreak to your mother by lying.

“i know, because you’re my child.” she sobbed and tears fell out of her eyes like waterfalls. “and i know, because that’s just the man i knew and loved.”

you went in front of her and hugged her by her waist, bawling like a little child.

“sorry, sorry, sorry, mom… it was my fault… i’ve always known it was because of me… if i didn’t ask you for a gift, maybe he would still be with us… mom, i’m sorry… because of me… i’m sorry… i’m sorry… i’m sorry… please, forgive me…” you cried and cried, begging your mother for forgiveness.

your mother who is also crying, but still manages to wipe your tears, nods her head with everything you say to let you know she’s listening.

you kept on apologizing to her and she listened to everything. when you ran out of breath, she took this chance to calm you down.

“(y/n), look at me.” she said as she cupped your cheeks, you looked at her with a messy face and probably snot coming out of your nose. “never have i ever thought that it was your fault. your small gift was not the reason we ended the relationship. i didn’t know that you’ve always carried the guilt on your back thinking that it was your fault. i’m sorry for never noticing.” she affirmed.

“it was not your fault, (y/n).”

this made you teary again.

“mom… thank you…” you cried to her as you held her hands that were on your cheeks. closing your eyes to feel the warmth of her palms in the coldness of the breeze.

“with that said, (y/n)...” she called. you opened your eyes and saw another of her real smiles.

“don’t make the same mistake as me.”

it was a short sentence, yet it rang your ears so loud, you can’t hear anything else except that.

your lips showed a smile, a quivering and forced smile. your tears never stopped dropping, actually your eyes produced more.

“i’m sorry, mom. but i think i already did.” you cried, resting your head on her thighs. “it wasn’t your mistake that i’ve committed, but dad’s.” you added.

“i ran away.” you hiccuped, “i thought everything would be the same, so i ran away. i was scared to face it.”

your mother made you raise your head. your eyes are red from crying so much and yet you felt like you haven’t let everything out. your chest still feels heavy. you want to cry everything out, but thoughts fill in double with every tear that escapes your eye. you just want to cry it out, but the longer you cry, the more it hurts.

“mom, what should i do?” you asked her, looking up at her. sniffing and catching your breath.

“i…” you stopped to inhale. “i love daichi, but i’m scared. what if it's all temporary. what if our love fades?”

“it was my fault. it’s always been my fault.” you wiped your eyes with your hands, only to be replaced by another one. “i… i don’t want to leave him, mom…”

“dear, calm down.” your mother squished your cheeks. “i’m sure you realize that whatever you did to your husband was wrong, but you don’t have to worry.” she said, making you confused.

“i was the one who ran away… what if he didn’t run after me?” you asked.

“then you’ll be the one who needs to go back to him. you need to talk it out.” she ran her hands on your hair. “you wouldn’t want to turn out like me, right?” she muttered, giving you a relieved smile.

she knows that you already know what to do and that no matter what happens, deep inside you, you didn’t want to be something you saw happen to her and your father. she must’ve been subconsciously aware that you were afraid to fall in love. she saw when you looked at others with partners, not with an envious eyes, but rather a confused one.

she realized just now, that she might have been the reason why you think like that. with what turned out to be your mother and father’s relationship, maybe it’s understandable why you thought love fades along with the relationship. but, you’re wrong. after all, look at her. she will always love the man that was with her for most of her happiest moments. she’ll never stop loving him.

but, she knows it’s different for the both of you.

because, she saw something in daichi that your father has never done and never will. she knew from the day you introduced him to her.

your father never looked at her the same way daichi looked at you whenever you’re not looking.

so, she knows. she knows it won’t turn as tragic as her story.

when she realized, you have already calmed down. you’re still sniffing and wiping your tear stains, but you’ve controlled it.

“let’s go. it’s getting late and you haven’t slept yet.” she tapped your back. you could only reply with a nod.

you stood up and helped your mother turn her wheelchair around. you helped her get to her bedroom, but before walking back to your room, you thanked her.

“thank you, mom.” you said. she looked at you and smiled. “thank you for being the best.” you kissed her on her forehead and said good nights to each other.

you went back to your room and laid on the bed. you reached for your phone. your fingers fiddled whether to turn it on or not.

in the end, you chose not to.

you know what to do right now, but needed more courage to commence it.

“i should get some sleep first.” you muttered, your body finally processing the amount of tiredness your body felt yesterday and today.

i’m going back to daichi. i don’t want to lose him.

…

the sun was up and it was hitting your eyelid. you were too tired and sleepy, you forgot to lay out the blinds.

you were about to turn your body to the side, when something was holding you by your waist. you were still feeling groggy, but you paid no attention to it. but, then you remembered you’re in your room, not at your house, but your mother’s house.

you swung your head sideways and saw daichi sleeping next to you. your mouth was wide open and was surprised.

how did he get here this early in the morning?

you stared at his handsome face that was wrinkled by his furrowed brows. you wanted to laugh, because that was his face every time he dreams about a weird but cute creature that he told you about before.. you tried to get out of his chain-like hold. after many unsuccessful attempts, you finally managed to free yourself.

you sat on the edge of the bed as you felt your throat was so dry after that crying you did. you were about to get up when you caught daichi and started moving his hands.

he’s searching for me. you thought.

you were on your way to reach for his hands, when he suddenly sprang up with wide eyes.

“(y/n)!” he called out.

you jolted because of his sudden movements. he was frantically rubbing his eyes in order to get that clear view of the room. his gestures made you worry, so you held and stopped his hands from doing so.

“dai, i’m here.” you told him, putting his hands down along with yours. “good morning.”

his eyesight has finally adjusted and you were his first view.

your beautiful face that puts a blush on his cheeks. your sweet smile that calms his mind. your soft touches that makes him weak.

staring at your face, he realized that he’s not in a nightmare anymore. just like what happened earlier when we woke up for the first time today. you’re here in front of him, greeting him good morning just like always.

he pulled your hands to his face, feeling up the warmth it gives.

“g-good morning.” he replied, his voice cracking up from holding back his cry.

you smiled watching your husband snuggle himself to your hands, but it soon faded when you realized how scared and hurt he must’ve been when you suddenly disappeared.

“dai—” before you could even finish calling him, you suddenly found yourself caught by daichi’s arms again.

he buried his face on your chest and hugged you tight, tighter than he even did before.

“why…?” he muttered, words were muffled, but you can still hear him clearly.

“dai?” you called.

“why did you leave? you could’ve just slapped me. you could’ve just kicked me. you could’ve punched me. you could’ve told me to sleep outside. you can pull my hair, poke my eyes, hit my shin, step on my toes, throw all my clothes, burn them, spend all my money, cut my cards and everything to let out your frustrations and calm your anger, but why? why did you think of leaving me?” he reasoned.

you could feel your clothes getting wet, right where his eyes met your chest. his fingers on your back grasping onto your fabric. you wrapped your arms around his back.

“i was so scared. i thought i might never see you again. i thought we’ll never kiss each other good nights and good mornings again. i thought i’ll never be able to hold you like this anymore.” he continued.

“i’m sorry, i’m sorry. please don’t be mad at me anymore. i didn’t think through what was coming out of my mouth. i won’t ever do that again, please don’t leave me. i love you. you know, i love you so much, right?” he begged, finally looking up at you.

his eyes were filled with tears, just like how you were earlier. his face was desperate for your answer.

“dai.” you started. you pushed him away for a bit to look at him directly. he didn’t want to at first, but still complied with what you wanted, only if he held your hand. he’s scared that you might disappear from him again.

“why are you the one apologizing? it was my fault it all happened.” you told him, he was about to reply to you, but you halted him.

“i completely forgot our dinner. i forgot to message you about staying late to finish my work and i didn’t apologize for both. i got mad when you were only worried about me. i lied about not wanting to eat there and begged you for it.” you continued, looking at him straight in the eyes.

“and you’re right about it. i’m sorry for always dodging to own up for my own mistakes. i was scared that everything might be happening because of me again. i ran away from them, so i will not be blamed for it. it’s a bad habit that i need to work on.” you said, smiling at him.

you raised both of your hands to your chest level.

“and thank you for always understanding me. thank you for being so patient with me. i’m very lucky to have someone like you beside me.” you then went and hugged him.

“i’m supposed to be the one saying it.” you added.

“saying what?” he confusedly asked, but still hugged you back tightly.

“i’m going to be selfish and ask for it. i might be tiring to deal with at times, but please don’t leave me, daichi.” you said.

he suddenly chuckled.

“then that would make us both selfish then, since we're asking for the same thing.” he said before pulling you to his lap.

he sat you down there and wiped some tears that were escaping your eyes. he held your cheek with one hand and yours immediately followed it, holding his below your hands. he angled both of your heads and made your foreheads touch each other.

“i won’t promise that there will never be a fight anymore, but there’s one thing i will promise.”

you smiled when you realized that you know what he’s going to say next.

“i promise i’ll love you for eternity.” you said in chorus, making you two laugh.

you two laid in bed for a few minutes, before going down and eating breakfast with everyone. you ate in peace knowing you learned that maybe even just a little bit, you finally understand why.

the reason why people bother with love.

sometimes you will just find someone who will make you risk getting hurt as long as you get to be with them. sometimes it might not turn out the way you expected it, but sometimes when you overcome it and still be with them, it could be the greatest thing that would happen to you.

sawamura daichi, thank you for making me take the risk.

hope you enjoyed it! stay hydrated you all, it's so hot!

#haikyuu #haikyuu x reader #hq x reader #haikyuu oneshot #sawamura daichi #sawamura daichi x reader #daichi x reader #sawamura x reader #luza-wayne #luza-wayne works #why people bother with love

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sempersirens · 1 year

Text

a bird in your teeth, III

masterlist

summary: joel deals with the aftermath of a traumatic experience

pairing: joel miller x f!reader

warnings: 18+, mdni, neighbour!joel, age gap: reader is early-mid 20s, joel early 30s. no break-out. reference to past SA, trauma, nightmares, general symptoms of PTSD. eventual smut

a/n: hello lovelies! slightly longer part ahead. i've decided to make the next part the final installment of this mini-series, i wanted to explore some more intimate aspects between joel and reader that didn't quite fit here. i hope you enjoy! <3

word count: 3.5k

The sweet chirping of birdsong felt like Mother Nature was playing a cruel joke on you as you stood on the side of the street, arms hugged tightly around yourself. You felt as though the birds were laughing down at you, cackling at your wretched state, sharing an inside joke at your expense. As dawn drew in, her rosy fingers pulled at the remnants of the night's sky. The beauty of the orange and pink hues was wasted on you. To you, it served as a reminder that even as a new day rolled in, the memories swarming your mind wouldn't fade quite as swiftly.

When Joel's truck came hurtling towards you, all notion of time had faded away. You couldn't tell if seconds, hours, or even days had passed since you had lowered your phone from your face. Fifty dawns and dusks could've gone by for all you cared.

The heat from your pumping heart manifested into a blush that crept up your cheeks, and the consequence of your damsel-in-distress phone call settled in your gut.

Joel was here. You had called him, and he had come.

"What happened?" His expression was stern, hair disheveled, and flannel shirt almost comically misbuttoned. You would've laughed if you could remember how.

He grazed your bloody lip with this thumb.

"Sweetheart, what happened?"

"This was a mistake..." You became aware of his hands now on your arms. "Please, don't touch me."

The words tumbling out of your mouth must've sounded as limp and pathetic as you felt. Joel's eyes softened into confusion, and then concern. You didn't have the energy to pull away, but you couldn't bring yourself to look him in the eye anymore. You feared his gaze would open every locked door inside of you and allow the mess to collapse onto him.

He said your name, softly, removing you from his grip and opening the passenger door.

"Let me take you home."

As you had done all night, you silently obliged. Joel guided you into the truck, his hand hovering over the crown of your head. He closed the door gently and made his way into the driver's seat, starting the ignition in silence. Was he angry? You couldn't work it out. His knuckles were wrapped so tightly around the steering wheel they had turned white.

"Joel, please don't be angry with me."

"I'm not angry. I'm taking you back to my place, gonna get you cleaned up, and then when you're ready..."

"Is Sarah okay?" You interrupted.

"Sound asleep. I gotta take her to school in a coupl'a hours, but I'll come straight back to you."

This wasn't right. You shook your head in soft defiance, staring at your lap where your hands sat, fingers interlocked. As you thought of all the trouble you had caused him, you noticed your thumbnails digging into your hands so sharply that you had drawn blood. You turned your palms shakily onto your bare thighs to hide the fresh droplets.

"Honey, where are your shoes?"

Joel's soft inquiry snapped you out of your trance; you hadn't even realized you'd left those fucking cowboy boots on the bedroom floor in your rush out of the front door.

"I left them... I-I didn't think to..." Your breathing became erratic again, chest heaving with each rise and fall feeling like a weight was crushing into your ribcage.

"Hey, hey hey. Breathe. You're with me. You're safe with me, you know that." He reached across your lap and squeezed your still interlocked hands, filling his lungs with air and then exhaling slowly through his mouth like he was a midwife guiding you through childbirth.

You copied his rhythmic breaths, focusing on the emerging purple colors now littering the sky. It was cruel for the sky above you to be so warm and inviting.

You wished for an English February; for thick layers of ice coating the ground with black ice hidden underneath. You wanted it to be the cold that had caused your muscles to freeze, or the harshness of a dry wind to be clawing down your throat. You wished you could blame the weather for the way your body was reacting.

Of all people, you didn't want Joel to see you as weak. You internally reprimanded yourself for pulling him out of his home, away from his daughter to come and save you. Your body and soul had never taken to relying on others easily. Who had you become? You were supposed to be strong. You moved across the world all by yourself, for god's sake.

"What's goin' on in that head of yours?"

"Everything."

The remainder of the journey was silent.

Joel pulled into his driveway, soon exiting the truck and jogging to your side to help you out.

"Easy, darlin'."

He carried your handbag on one arm and looped the other to support your waist. With his free hand, he unlocked the door and closed it quietly behind him.

"Sarah's not gonna be up for another couple hours, you go make yourself comfortable in my bedroom, I'll bring everything y'need."

You gave him a pathetic nod before traipsing up the stairs you had watched Sarah scurrying up only six hours ago. Despite your years of friendship with the Millers, you had never actually gone into Joel's bedroom. You had snuck a peek or two inside whenever the door was left ajar if you passed on your way to the bathroom, but had never set foot inside.

His bedsheets were haphazardly thrown back, half dangling onto the carpeted floor. The fan on his dresser was still humming, sending ripples through his pillowcases. You were reluctant to make yourself at home as he had instructed, so perched on the edge of his bed eyeing the posters dotted on his walls. His bedroom looked like it hadn't changed since his 20s, reminding you of how young he must've been when he started a new life to bring up Sarah in a home he could call his own.

Joel appeared at the door, shutting it softly behind him. He was balancing a steaming mug and a first aid kit in one hand, and some pillows from the sofa under his other arm. He set the mug down on the nightstand beside his bed. Tears swelled in the corner of your eyes at what you recognized as the Yorkshire Tea he kept stocked in the cupboard, especially for you.

"Want you to sit back and get real comfy, alright?"

"Okay."

You hesitantly lifted your legs to rest on the bed, shuffling backward towards the headboard. Joel set the first aid kit at the foot of the bed and leaned over to place the pillows behind your back.

"That okay?"

You nodded your head without looking directly at him.

Wordlessly, Joel walked around to the other side of the bed, setting himself down with a barely audible groan. He brought the first aid kit into his lap and started sifting through the contents.

"You mind if I take a look at your lip?"

"No. I mean - that's fine."

You parted your lips slightly, Joel's fingers lifting your chin up towards him.

"Washed m'hands, promise."

He pulled your bottom lip down to inspect the wound, cleaning the now-dried blood from your chin. The silence in his bedroom made his touch even more intense. You'd felt his hand on your waist, or accidentally brush past your bare skin now and then, but this... You had never been touched by anybody like this before. His eyebrows were furrowed tightly as he put all of his focus into handling you with care.

You had been with your fair share of guys before; boyfriends, one-night-stands, whatever. But the way you felt under Joel's gaze in this moment, holding your chin between his thumb and index finger, made you feel like nobody had ever truly touched you before. Like you were brand new. It made you want to sob. You had to start regulating your breathing again to prevent your lip from wobbling, shattering your impenetrable exterior.

"M'I hurtin' you?"

Finding courage hidden somewhere deep inside of you, you leveled your gaze with his. This close to his face, you could've sworn you saw his pupils dilate.

"No. It's fine, thank you."

"You're doin' so well, honey. Keep breathin' for me." He moved his thumb to stroke your jaw as he spoke.

"I'm sorry, Joel."

"Don't say that. This ain't your fault."

"How can you say that? You don't even know what happened."

"Don't need to. But, I'd be grateful if you'd be so kind as t'fill me in."

You sucked a breath in and brought your knees up to your chest. The birds outside the window began mocking you with their song again.

"You get in a fight? W'that friend of yours who picked you up earlier?"

Oh god. He really had no clue.

"No, nothing like that."

"Somethin' while you were out? Sweetheart, someone had t'have busted your lip like that?"

"I said no."

"So what, you don't remember? You taken somethin'? You're scarin' me, darlin'."

He was pleading. It was dripping all over his face, this deep despair searching your features for the answers your voice couldn't quite give him.

"No, I do. I mean- I said it, I said no. To a guy. O-one second I was falling asleep and then... he was just there, Joel. He appeared out of nowhere. I thought he had gone home. And I was saying no but he was all over me. He was everywhere."

Hot tears were streaming down your cheeks, a dichotomy of relief and anguish flooding through your veins so intensely that any hope of maintaining a stoic facade had long washed away.

You didn't make a sound as you sobbed. Your entire body jerked with each breath, snot ungraciously dripping onto your upper lip. It didn't matter. Joel wrapped you into him without hesitation, your face nestled against his shoulder. He rocked you in his arms, back and forth, back and forth. Your sobs intensified into his t-shirt, eyes squeezed shut. You could feel the tears clinging onto the material, but all he did was hold you tighter.

"Oh, baby girl. It's okay, I got you. I got you now."

"I'm so sorry, Joel." You choked the words out.

"Don't you dare apologize. You let everythin' go. Give all that hurt t'me. I'll take it for you."

Joel pulled you into his lap, your legs collapsed underneath you. He placed a hand on either side of your face, holding you inches away from his own. He had never seen you like this. It shattered his damn heart. He had to keep blinking to fend off his own tears.

“You did the right thing, callin’ me.”

Every inch of him wanted to go back in time to you lingering in the doorway and ask you to stay the night. Hell, he would've gone back to that first time he saw you and taken you in his arms like a sailor returning home from years at sea. The only reason he'd even had the courage to turn up at your front door, mumbling something about burgers, was because Sarah had caught him peeking at you through the curtains for the first few days of you moving in. If you like her so much, why don't you ask her on a date? She had asked so innocently. But she was right; it was that simple. He fired up the grill before straightening himself up and jogging across the street. A Glenn Campbell record had been echoing through your house, something he found even more endearing when he was struck by that accent of yours.

He wanted to tell you that the reason none of his first dates made it to a second was because none of them were you. He was setting these poor women up to fail; how could they ever compete with you?

But right now, you were here. Safe in his arms. He was going to do everything in his power to bring that light back into your eyes.

An hour or so passed like that. You pressed against his chest, falling in and out of a dreamless sleep, Joel's fingers grazing soothing patterns on your arm.

The sound of Sarah's bedroom door closing jolted you awake.

"Ssh, it's okay. S'just Sarah getting ready t'head out. Gimme a minute to go say good mornin'."

You nodded in response, mustering a small smile.

You felt tiny alone in his bed, the absence of his body leaving you feeling hollow. You pulled the covers up to your chin and drew you knees up to your chest, dreading to think what Joel would tell Sarah. She called me in the middle of the damn night, what was I s'posed to do? Maybe she'll get the hint and leave. Imagined narratives swarmed your mind.

Why was it so hard for you to accept his help?

"Oh my god," you gasped, sitting up. "Daisy."

In your state, you had left her there all alone. Mark seemed like a nice enough guy, but didn't they all?

You reached for your handbag hanging off of Joel's door handle and searched for your phone.

14 missed calls. You tapped your foot against the floor anxiously as the dialing tone sounded.

"Moooornin' Ms. Cocktease. How's ya head?" She chirped, the relief that engulfed you allowed your body to slack back onto the bed.

"I am so glad to hear your voice." You breathed.

"That's romantic. You gonna tell me what had you scurrying off in such a hurry at 3am? Y'left your damn boots behind."

"I was... really worried about missing my 9am. It's with my thesis supervisor."

"Sweetheart, a love you but you gotta learn to relax once in a while. Let off some steam! Unclench your jaw, woman."

"I know, I know. I'll work on it."

"How'd you get home, anyway?"

"Oh, um. I called a cab."

"I feel like you're lyin', and I intend to find out what's goin' on. I swear to god if you're fuckin' that old man I'm not gonna know whether to be proud or-"

"Listen, babe, I'm glad you had a good night. Give me all the gritty details over coffee tomorrow?"

"Oh fine. Enjoy your meeting."

The line disconnected as Joel re-entered the room.

"Hey, sweetheart. I'm gonna drop Sarah to school, but I'll be right back. Need me to pick you anythin' up from your place?"

"No, that's okay. I should get out of your hair-"

"I'll be right back."

He walked over and placed a kiss on the top of your head.

---

Joel couldn't concentrate for the entire drive back to his place. He had to pass the street he had picked you up from hours prior to get to and from Sarah's school. The image of you standing there so broken, now knowing exactly why, filled him with grief for the version of you he knew and adored. He wished he had known there and then what you had endured. He knew how strong and capable you were of looking after yourself, so he had to fight every urge to raid each block of flats along the street to find the guy who had done this to you.

He flexed his knuckles back and forth over the steering wheel, forcing himself to go straight home. Back to you. However you decided to deal with this, whether it be today or in five years' time, he would be behind you.

What he would do to find that pathetic excuse for a man, that boy, and slowly take each finger off that he had dared to touch you with. He would make him hurt in ways he didn't even know he could feel pain.

Joel's mind flicked back to the image of you breaking down in his arms and he sucked a breath in to steady himself. He wished he could take all of your pain away and alter the course of the last six hours to have you waking up in his arms unscathed.

He returned home to find you curled up asleep in his bed sheets. He crept under the cover next to you, about to pull you back into his arms when you started thrashing your arms and legs.

"No, stop!" You murmured, still fast asleep.

"Sweetheart, it's me. Hey, hey, hey. It's me. It's Joel." He spoke, holding your face between his hands to try to coax you out of your nightmare.

"Wake up, darlin'. You gotta wake up. It's me, you're safe."

Your eyes finally widened, consumed with fear and confusion. You searched your surroundings and backed away from Joel's grip, still calculating where you were and what the threat was.

"You're okay. Nothing's gonna hurt you, baby."

"Joel... I'm sorry, I-"

"Stop apologizing, I'm sorry. I didn't mean t'scare you, honey."

You sat in silence for a few minutes, slowing your breathing back down and ridding the sound of blood pumping in your ears.

"Do you mind if I have a bath, please?"

"Anything. I'll run you one now. Sarah has some o'that fancy girl soap if you want?"

You smiled softly.

"Sure, that sounds nice. Thank you, Joel."

Before heading to the bathroom, he placed a small kiss on your forehead, lingering with his lips on your skin for longer than he had before. Your eyes fluttered closed as you listened to his footsteps out of the bedroom.

Part of you was desperate to scrub away Elijah's touch until your skin was raw. But, another part of you didn't want Joel's smell to fade from you. In his arms his scent had consumed you, replacing the smell of your laundry detergent with his.

You squeezed your eyes tightly and shook your head.

Stop this. You're projecting onto him. He's looking out for you out of the kindness of his heart and you're taking advantage of it.

You tried to distract yourself from the fixating on the feeling of Joel's lips against your skin by shedding last night's clothes and replacing them with his dressing gown. Which of course also stunk of him. Great.

"S'ready." He called.

Catching sight of you in his dressing gown, Joel had to remind himself to close his mouth.

"Suits you." He smiled.

The bathwater was obscenely pink, bubbles almost escaping over the side of the tub.

Joel stood uneasily as you smiled at the domesticity of the scene.

"I'll give ya some privacy. Make myself busy downstairs. You just holler if y'need me, alright?"

"Joel, wait. Would you... it's stupid."

"What is it, sweetheart?"

"Would you sit with me? I really don't want to be alone."

Joel’s response came so quickly you didn’t even have time to feel bad for being so forward.

"Of course I will. You get yourself comfortable, I'll wait outside the door."

You discarded his dressing gown onto the floor, sinking into the warm tub. You ran some more hot water, feeling unsatisfied until the water was hot enough to leave your skin red wherever it touched.

"Come in." You called, your torso submerged underneath the bubbles with just your collarbones and toes poking out of the pink waters.

Under any other circumstance, he would've dropped to his knees by the side of the tub and told you that he had never seen someone look so perfect before. Your flushed cheeks and hair bundled behind your head against the tiles made Joel feel like he was staring at an oil painting in a gallery.

He adored you. Fuck it, he was in love with you. From the very beginning.

Joel lowered himself onto the closed toilet seat, arms resting on his knees.

"Temperature okay?" Was all he could muster.

"I added a bit more hot, I hope that's okay."

"You women and your damn hot water." He teased. "S'absolutely fine, honey."

Neither of you spoke for a little while, you rested your head back and soaked in Joel's protective presence.

"Can I ask you somethin'?"

"Of course, Joel."

"Did he..."

"No. It's funny actually, he couldn't get it up." You said dryly.

"But he tried?"

"Yeah, he tried."

"I'll kill him."

Joel's protectiveness overwhelmed you, feeling for the first time in your life that you had someone unconditionally in your corner. You lifted your arms from the water to cover your face in embarrassment, revealing finger-shaped bruises that had formed on both of your upper arms.

"Fuck," he breathed when he caught sight of the way you had been mistreated.

He knelt down beside the bathtub, gently pulling your hands away from your face.

"What can I do, honey?" He searched your face for an answer. "Tell me how to take all this away for you."

"Joel, you've done so much already. More than I could ever ask from you."

"I just wanna fix it."

By nature, Joel was a fixer. He patched up Sarah's knees and elbows after soccer games. He bailed Tommy out of jail more times than he would admit. Hell, he even fixed things for work. It was what he did.

"I want you to take me back there." You exhaled a breath you didn't realize you had been holding. "To the apartment. I need to go back."

"Y'sure that's a good idea?"

"I am. But I need to go in alone. I just want to know you'll be waiting outside for me if I need you."

"Sweetheart, I'll always come when you call."

#joel miller x f!reader #joel miller x female reader #joel miller x reader #joel tlou #my fic #pedro pascal #pedro pascal characters #pedro pascal fanfic #pedrostories #the last of us #the last of us hbo #tlou fanfiction #tlou hbo #a bird in your teeth #a bird in your teeth fic #breakfastatjoels

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baronessvonglitter · 3 months

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Cherry, Cherry 🍒 Chapter 8 🍒 "Fooled Around and Fell in Love"

pre-outbreak! AU!Joel Miller x f!Reader

Word count: 1,807

Summary: a mini getaway brings you closer to Joel, and you reach a new level of your budding relationship.

WARNINGS: 18+ Only! Mature and Explicit, age gap (reader is 18, Joel is 35), adult language, brief mention of someone unaliving herself (told in a local legendary tale), breast/nipple play, thigh riding, hand job, mutual confessions of love, reader's race not mentioned, takes place in summer 2003, no use of y/n

Author’s Note: I admit I don't know much about the terrain of Austin that well, but Mount Bonnell is real as is the Colorado River, so any mistakes are my own and purely for fictional purposes anyway. The legend that Joel tells the reader is very loosely based on a story my grandfather told me when I was a kid. I once went on a date with a guy who took me to a cemetery because he thought it was a romantic place, and that gave me the idea for Joel telling that downer story lol. If I missed any tags please let me know!

Series Masterlist

You're on cloud fucking nine.

No one has ever made you feel this way, as if you're brand-new, abundant with promise, with new chances. The little moments you spend with Joel are marked upon your young heart. And you do spend little moments together: he comes by the cafe for coffee before work or after, and the times you hang out with Sarah at the Miller house, you find that Joel hangs out as well, adding himself as an awkward part of the group, until Sarah asks him to leave. You have to hide your smile when he leaves, or risk your secret being blown.

One late Saturday afternoon he picks you up from work in his truck. It's a June night in the Texas hill country, and the sun sets its last golden rays of the day down upon the deep green hills on the horizon. The windows are down, radio blasting Neil Diamond tunes, especially since Joel has turned you on to his music. One of his hands is on the steering wheel and the other is in your lap. You trace the lines in the roughness of his palms, trace each broad finger, wonderingly, and when you look up you see the effect you have on him. Joel is turned on by any little way you touch him.

"Where are we going?" you ask, though honestly you could be driving to Hell itself and it would be just fine with you.

"Just wanna be alone with you for a little bit, sweetheart. Is that okay?" He looks over at you and you know you can't resist those deep brown eyes, the way the lines around them crinkle when he smiles.

"Fuck yeah," you grin, eliciting a wide smile from him.

He drives you up to Mount Bonnell, where you've never been, and your heart gallops to think that you're finally going to be alone with him. He drives you about halfway then insists on hiking the rest of the way.

"Joel, I've been on my feet all day," you pretend to pout at his suggestion.

"I'll carry you if I have to," he says with a wicked gleam in his eye. "But I do want you to see the view from up there." He offers his hand and you take it without delay.

Even though there's almost a twenty year age difference between you, you notice that Joel is quite agile, but you keep up with him, laughing at the freedom of the moment. His hand rests on your lower back when you slow down, and brings you close to his side, stopping for you to have a drink of water. "The view will be worth it, I promise," he says in that deep drawl you love so much.

And when you do reach the top, wiping the sweat from your forehead with your arm, the view takes your breath away. The evening sky is azure, with pink and violet cotton candy clouds stretching to infinity, and the earth touched with tinges of tangerine. Below, the Colorado River flows serenely. You and Joel stare in wonder: you watch the view and he watches you. His hand is in yours, and he pulls you close for an embrace. "It's gorgeous," you say at last.

"Not as gorgeous as you," he says with a twinkle in his eye. He leads you to sit upon a rock in the shade of an oak tree. "There's a legend about this place, that in the 1830s there was a young woman who leapt to her death to avoid being captured by men who'd killed her fiance."

You raise your head from where you'd been leaning on his shoulder. "That's actually pretty sad."

He nods solemnly. "Yeah.. I maybe should've saved that story for later."

You giggle and elbow him. "You really know how to ruin a romantic mood, old-timer."

"So you admit you're having a romantic time?" He brings his lips to your ear.

"I was," you retort.

"How can I remedy that?"

"Ten grand would do it, for my mental anguish," you continue the banter.

"Your check's in the mail," he says, his lips now on the soft part of your neck below your ear.

You let his kisses travel down your neck, giggling lightly at ticklish feel of his mustache on your sensitive skin. His hands wander across your chest, gently lifting your shirt to find the satin-smooth cups of your bra. Your breath hitches and your eyes flutter shut despite the stunning view before you. His fingers dip beneath your bra, his thumb grazing your nipples, softly teasing them to hardness. When you sigh he catches your lips in a kiss, his tongue tasting your mouth as your arms wrap around his neck. Your hand encourages his own under your shirt, and he squeezes your breast, eliciting a moan from your sweet lips.

A sudden rainstorm sweeps through, starting to soak both of you.

"Truck," you say breathlessly, both of you scrambling to your feet to get back to the vehicle. You shriek when he lifts you up, your legs wrapped around his waist as he brings you to the truck. Once inside, you're both wet, but you don't care, reaching for each other again in the dry safety of the truck that's become your only getaway for your secret romance.

In a blur of lust you take off your damp shirt, reveling in the carnivorous look on Joel's face. Next come off your shorts, and Joel's breathing becomes all but labored. Just in your panties and bra you kiss him, slowly, savoring his taste as his hands grip your waist. "I need you," you moan, and the excitement between you becomes electric. You climb onto his lap, writhing against him.

The rain beats down on the truck as the two of you discover each other, tasting the raindrops on each others' skin. Joel's shirt is off, his jeans pulled down. "There's something I want ya to do for me," he says.

A thousand thoughts come to mind. It could be anything. "And that would be..?"

"Take off your panties. I want to feel you, hot and wet on my thigh while I suck your nipples."

He has a way of saying things that make your insides light up, your cunt clenching as if he's already in there.

He holds you close, his large hands roaming your waist and your hips. "Is that okay?"

"Yeah," you whisper. Keeping your eyes on him you remove your panties, sliding the fabric down your legs, tossing them to the floor of the truck. His hungry gaze goes to the V where your thighs meet, and he guides you to his thigh, groaning when your hot wet cunt settles on his skin. You feel why he would like this, and begin to move a little to ease the ache he's built up in you. He lets you do as you wish, whatever makes you feel good.

"That's good," he whispers his seductive encouragement. "Just rub yourself on me, sweetheart. Fuck yourself on me."

Your eyes close and with your arms around his neck you move, seeking that friction on your clit that will make you see stars. And just as you get into a nice rhythm Joel reaches behind you and deftly removes your bra, gently moving the straps down your arms as you drop them to your sides. When he uncovers your breasts his breath hitches. He cups them in both his wide palms, rubbing his thumbs over your nipples as he did earlier, and bringing his lips to each puckered pebble, then lapping his tongue over one while softly tweaking the other, testing your limits, grazing your delicate flesh with his teeth. The faster you move the harder he pulls at you, his hands splayed on your back, keeping you pressed to him.

You palm him through his underwear, familiarizing his shape with your hands. His girth and length are intimidating, but in this moment you don't have to worry about taking him inside of you. Not yet. You stroke him as he removes himself from his briefs, loving the groans he makes, the way his cock seems to grow harder by the second, jerking under your touch. You use the beads of precum on his tip to lubricate him, caressing him with longer, stronger strokes.

The car windows fog up with the steam of your gasps and sighs. You grab at the back of his head, cradling it to you as he continues worshipping your breasts.

"Joel! Joel!" you whisper his name in a frenzy of euphoria, and then his thumb is on your clit, pressing gently, flicking, moving with you until you come, hips twitching as you convulse. At the same time you feel him come, his semen spilling over onto your hand, thick and warm. He smiles when he feels you've also left your own traces on his skin.

In those hazy moments after, you rest your head on his chest and he kisses your hair. The small space of the truck is scented with your musk and sweat. It's peaceful, and you feel closer to him than ever. Though you haven't technically had sex yet, you feel your innocence being chipped away at, and it's exciting. For the first time you're in control of what you do.

"You can't be real," he says, his voice breaking the silence that blankets you both. "You gotta be some fantasy that I dreamed up, or some kinda angel."

"I am. You died and this is heaven," you joke, kissing his neck.

You don't even hurry to get dressed. The rain has slowed to a drizzle but there's no rush for you to leave.

"You comin' over tonight? Thought maybe we could watch a movie.. you, me, and Sarah."

"Really? I'd like that." You love the sweetness he has after the intense passion you've just shared.

"I gotta drop you off at your car. Once I'm able to catch my breath, and once I've got feelin' back in my legs I'll drive you back."

You chuckle, kissing along his collarbone. "But what if I'm not done with you yet?" Oh, the scent of his skin drives you wild.

"Jesus, sweetheart," he chuckles low. "I think I love you.."

You look up quickly, your body buzzing with excitation, disbelief daring to poison the beautiful night you've just had. "You.. what?"

His eyes are soft as he cups your face, gently brushes your hair from your face. He studies every feature, committing everything to memory. "I. Love. You." He emphasizes each word with a kiss: on your forehead, nose, lips.

It's the first time you've ever heard it said to you, and the first time you've ever felt it right to say it back. "Joel Miller, I love you too.."

<- prev chapter

next chapter ->

divider by @saradika-graphics 👑

#joel miller #pedro pascal #joel miller smut #joel miller x reader #pedro pascal characters #joel miller x you #joel smut #joel tlou #joel miller fanfic #joel miller tlou #joel miller x female reader #joel miller x f!reader #pedro boys #pedro pascal fandom #pedro pascal character smut #pedro pascal characters fanfiction #pedro pascal character fanfiction #pedro pascal cinematic universe

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deluxewhump · 6 days

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Ingrid calls Carlo a pet name

CW: mention of nausea and headache (Ingrid is pregnant with Jack here). The movies are The Two Towers and ROtK btw ;)

It was barely noon, and Ingrid lay in the master bedroom with a cloth over her forehead. It had long since stopped being cool, and was now only damp instead of wet. She moved it an inch so it touched her hairline and the air cooled the wet skin it exposed.

Thick green curtains were drawn against the heat and light of midday. Insects trilled in the grass outside and she could hear a dog barking distantly— a neighbor of theirs habitually let his two yellow labs run loose around the wooded hills and they sometimes wandered onto Max’s property. Carlo worried about his cat, Lou, who would hiss if he saw them from the window and climb into his master’s arms flicking his tail.

Max told him Lou was too smart to ever get anywhere near those dogs. He was more worried about coyotes than the labradors, he’d said. Carlo had bent his head to press his mouth into Lou’s black fur, frowning at the mention of the coyotes. Sometimes they screamed at night from the tree line, sounding for a moment like human shrieks and then like the mad baying of a dozen wild dogs.

As if summoned by her wandering thoughts, Lou jumped on the bed, stretching his back and chirping in question. Ingrid held out a hand and felt the brush of whiskers on her palm. For half a second, she thought it was Max that appeared in the doorway. But Max was in D.C. all day at a conference. It was Carlo.

“I’m sorry,” he said. “Do you want me to grab him? The door was cracked. He pushed it open.”

“No,” Ingrid answered as serenely as she could manage. “He’s good company.”

“Do you… need anything?”

She almost told him no, but thought of something. “Could you get me a ginger ale? They’re the little mini cans, on the door, bottom shelf.”

“Yeah,” he said, like he was surprised but pleased she’d said yes. Max was always asking Carlo things like that. It’s cold, you need socks? Want a blanket? I’m getting a drink, can I get you something, baby? She’d never loved someone by proxy before, but that’s how it was with him. It was Max’s steadfast love for him that instructed her, like slowly picking up bits of an accent. One day she saw him curled up in an armchair, head bent over a book, running his finger absently over his lower lip. Softly, like a gradual summer dusk, she realized she now loved him too.

Lou curled up a short distance from her and began to purr. Carlo returned with a can of cold ginger ale and popped open the tab before handing it to her, another of Max’s mannerisms. “You’re sweet,” she told him, taking a long drink and set it on the nightstand.

“God,” she complained, and lay back on her side. “I feel like a truck hit me.”

“How long will that last?” asked Carlo softly, conscious of her aching head.

“Oh, another couple of weeks maybe. What’re you doing today?”

He shrugged.

“I’m gonna put on a movie, if you want to wallow with me.”

He gave her a little smile and agreed, climbing onto Max’s side of the bed and curling up on his side in a mirror of her own position. Lou got up to reposition next to Carlo’s chest, and Carlo draped his arm over him. Ingrid clicked the TV on with the remote and tucked her knees closer to her chest.

By the end of the film, Lou had left them but Carlo had gotten under the top blanket and tilted his head close to her so she could not help but lay her hand in his soft hair, grazing her fingertips over his scalp. The sun had begun to descend from its zenith, evident by the angle and color of the light that persisted through the seams of the pulled curtains.

“Do you want to watch the next one, baby?” she whispered when the credits rolled, wondering if he might be asleep.

He moved an inch closer to her and nodded. She let her hand drift back to his hair. She’d never called him that before. It was Max’s favorite pet name for him, and she didn’t know if she was allowed. It seemed strange, having come from her lips and not from Max’s, but he did not give any indication there was anything amiss. She pulled her nails gently up the warm base of his neck and into his hair, over and over, to the rhythm of the oscillating fan.

#Carlo and Ingrid #pregnancy cw #like lightly mentioned #illness cw #also mild #fluff

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ofstarsandflames · 2 months

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Hello all! Congratulations to all participating in RobStar week, both creator and audience!

Also, remember yesterday when I said I'd participate in every prompt this week? Guess which idiot decided to get covid!

This gal!

Luckily, it's not too bad! I have my Vaccines and was told I'd get better in a few days. Unluckily, I feel like I've been hit by a truck.

Thankfully, I already have drafts written up for this week! Unfortunately, a couple of them were unfinished and so I had to complete them in a hurry to meet the schedule.

This is one of two fics that were incomplete. If it is not up to par, I sincerely apologize!

Anyway, I decided to go for a more angst-y approach to today's prompt, heh-heh. Some of the content below may differ from what we are familiar with in the show, but fret not! I will expand on my ideas more once RobStar week is concluded!

With that, please go right ahead and jump right in! I hope you enjoy!

RobStar Week 2024, Day 2

Power Swap

Robin might have to kill Cyborg once he got a hold of him.

While a majority of the cybernetic teen’s inventions had delivered positive results, there were often some that proved more difficult than what they were worth.

The ‘Ability Monitor’ and ‘Flash Teleporter’ proved to be the latter.

A series of hijinks occurred, resulting in both Robin and Starfire getting caught together by both inventions.

And now here he and Starfire were, powers and clothing swapped with the other’s with broken communicators (and by definition GPS’s), as they tried to navigate the endless labyrinth that was Jump City’s National Park.

They must have been out there for hours, seeing as the sky went from beautiful day to stark night.

It did help that he was able to fly over the trees, gaining a better view of their endless landscape. Unfortunately, having trouble staying afloat mixed with being unable to find a definitive landmark certainly made things more difficult than they needed to be.

Yeah, it was no longer a maybe. He was DEFINITELY going to kill Cyborg once they made their way back to the tower.

“Everything okay?” Star asked from below.

Robin lowered himself from the air, hoping the action looked natural despite his trouble doing so.

“Everything’s great!” Robin landed next to her, internally cringed at how overly-peppy his voice sounded. “Perfect, even! Why, I’d go so far to say I've finally perfected your powers!”

Suddenly, as if fate itself decided to call out his bluff, Robin’s left hand glowed an intense bright blue. That hand, leaning against a nearby tree, caused the poor timber to instantly light up in blue flames.

“...”

Nothing, at least for the first couple of seconds.

“Huh, look at that.” Starfire said in a strangely calm tone.

“AHHHH!” Her partner was the opposite, his features displaying pure panic. “WE HAVE TO PUT IT OUT!”

Robin ran around in a panic. He needed to find something that could keep the fire from spreading throughout the forest!

What to do, what to do, what to d-

HISSSSSSSSSSSSS

A loud hissing sound pulled him back to the present. The poor tree was now covered with a white foam, the last of the blue flames flickering out of existence.

There stood Starfire, a mini fire extinguisher in her hands.

Ah, right. One of the many useful tools stashed inside that signature utility belt.

“Oh, uh…” Robin let out a light cough, cheeks warming up in embarrassment. “Nice work.”

Starfire’s mouth curved into a small smile, her eyes obviously filled with mirth despite being covered by one of the Boy Wonder’s signature masks.

“Well!” Star said in an impressed voice, putting the fire extinguisher back in ‘her’ belt. “Looks like you weren’t lying about perfecting my powers.”

Though his eyes were also masked, Starfire knew he was throwing her an embarrassed glare.

“Not funny.”

Though his hand no longer glowed blue, Robin still shook his hand in an attempt to “chase away” any lingering Starbolts. Star giggled at the sight (resulting in another glare) before she continued leading the way to their intended destination.

“Oh, do not be so hard on yourself.” The now human girl called out to him. “I know firsthand how difficult my powers can be to manage. You are actually doing quite well, despite what you may think.”

Even though he knew she was just trying to cheer him up, it wasn’t like Starfire was necessarily lying.

Robin remembered the Titans’ first month as a team, having to learn about each other and how to work together in-tune with their abilities. Starfire in particular had more than a few moments where her powers flared up out of nowhere, most likely a response to how she was feeling according to her.

On the bright side, thanks to her they managed to find better ways to fire-proof the whole tower.

Her powers, being somewhat fire-based, often had the unavoidable side effect of rising heat.

Rising heat…

Robin blinked in confusion. It was the middle of August and a relatively cold night, why was he so hot all of a sudden?

And why did his stomach start hurting out of nowhere?

Intense…

Suddenly, Robin felt his throat closing up. He tried to take a deep breath but found himself unable to. If anything, his breaths were coming out in short, heavy pants.

Burning…

“Robin?”

Starfire turned, uneasy at how quiet the other suddenly was.

She gasped at the sight before her. Robin was doubled over, one hand clawing at his throat while the other clutched his head.

“ROBIN!”

Starfire immediately ran to his side. She tried to place a hand on his back in an effort to calm him, maybe help him up to examine his condition. However, and much to her shock, the second she made contact with his skin she had to pull away.

He was hot. Burning hot. So much hotter than was supposed to be physically possible.

Starfire’s eyes widened in disbelief.

‘Why…’

She shook her head, utter distraught and confusion filling her head.

‘Why is this happening to him as well!?’

A loud, strained gasp filled her ears and brought her out of her stupor. Robin was now kneeling, purple and silver clothing sticking to his skin as he continued to burn from the inside.

‘No!’ Starfire internally yelled to herself. ‘This is no time to panic!’

She may not have known why this was happening to him, but she did know how to relieve it.

Starfire placed herself in front of Robin, kneeling to meet his level. She held his face in her hands, ignoring the intense pain as his skin burned her hands.

“Robin, listen to me!” Starfire commanded in a voice fit for a leader. “You need to manifest some Starbolts. Right now.”

Robin was more than confused. Why did he feel like his insides were on fire? Why was Starfire commanding him to produce a pair of Starbolts? Why was she so calm?

But regardless, what else could he do except listen?

He closed his eyes, trying hard not to think about the pain enveloping his whole body. His mind worked to recall as many rage-inducing thoughts he could muster.

‘Nothing but a sidekick.’

A different, more controlled heat began forming in Robin’s palms.

‘My last night in Gotham City.’

A small blue flame, bursting with energy, slowly manifested in each of his hands.

‘Slade.’

That did the trick.

A fully formed blue Starbolt, bursting with immense power, appeared in each hand.

“Nicely done!” Starfire’s voice was filled with relief. “Now, keep them in place for as long as you must. In just a moment, you will feel the burning sensation fade.”

Robin’s eyes widened, his masked eyes displaying a fair amount of uncertainty.

“Star, what-”

“Please Robin!” Starfire pleaded, never once releasing him from her hold. “Trust me!”

Robin trusted her. Though he was still unsure of the situation, that much he knew to be true.

Suddenly, Robin felt a wave of cool relief washing over him. The intense burning sensation slowly went down, his insides going from a painful boil to a subtle simmer.

They were both still for a moment. Not a sound could be heard, other than Robin’s labored breathing.

His breathing followed that pattern. His breaths went from difficult, painful huffs to the simple, mindless action it had always been before that moment.

Almost as quickly as it began, Robin was back to his not-so-normal current self.

“Thank goodness!” Starfire let out a sigh of relief as she helped the other to his feet. “I was so worried it would not work!”

Robin watched the Starbolts in his hand slowly fade away, trying his best to process what just transpired.

“Star?” Robin asked, his eyes never leaving the flame in his palm.

Starfire’s body froze. His voice, it’s tone… why did it suddenly hold so much weight?

“Y-yes, Robin?”

The dancing blue flame, once brighter than the moon shining in the black sky above, flickered when the hand it stood on closed.

Even if it was dark, Starfire could not miss the heavy stare directed her way.

“guys…”

Ears perked up, Starfire quickly snapped her head in the direction of where the sound came from.

“robin…”

“starfire…”

The others! They must have been locating them with Cyborg’s heat sensing technology!

Starfire was relieved, thankful for their perfect timing.

“R-Robin.” Star pointed up ahead. “Did you hear that? The others, they must be nearby!”

Grabbing his hand, Starfire tried to listen for the direction of where the voices were coming from.

“They must be over th-”

She tried to walk to where the voices were, but was halted in the process. Looking over her shoulder, she saw Robin planted firmly in place.

“Robin?”

Another tug of his hand. Like before, he wouldn’t budge.

“Why are you…?” Starfire tried pulling him with her, but without her super strength it was no use. “What are you doing? We have to go find the others-”

“What was that, Starfire.”

Starfire stopped pulling. Her eyes widened behind the mask.

“Wh-what do you me-”

“You know what I’m talking about.” Robin was now the one to hold her hand, keeping her from running away. “What happened earlier?”

Starfire held her breath, more nervous than she had been when she discovered her powers had been transferred to the team leader.

She needed to be careful how she worded this, lest she makes things worse.

“O-oh! You mean that.” Starfire giggled, attempting to diffuse the situation. “You needn’t worry about that! It simply happens whenever I go for long periods of time without releasing my Starbolts!”

“Wait!” This revelation shocked Robin. “Are you saying you’ve felt this on multiple occasions!?”

“Well… yes.” Starfire admitted. “I hadn’t used my Starbolts since we defended the city last week. However, I did not think my condition would pass to you.”

“Forget about that.”

Robin grasped her shoulders, forcing each other’s masked eyes to meet.

“How long have you dealt with this?”

Starfire grimaced, unsure of how he would take her answer.

“Robin…”

“How long, Starfire.”

She considered lying for a moment. The last thing Starfire ever wanted to do was make things difficult for her friends, as it was her personal duty to aid and make things easier for them.

Unfortunately, Robin knew her. He would know if what she said was untrue, especially since he was refusing to let this one go.

“Since I first landed on Earth.” Star answered truthfully. “I noticed it after I first flew away from you all, and I also discovered how to relieve it soon after.”

Robin’s eyes widened, the revelation striking him more painfully than the sensation ever felt. Seeing his reaction, Star knew she needed to resolve this problem as quickly as she could. .

“Robin, please do not worry about me.”

Starfire squeezed his hand in reassurance. She removed the domino mask she wore, wanting him to see the sincerity behind her words.

“I promise you, I can handle it. It is not so bad once you are used to it, and it helps that I do not recall a life where I do not experience the feeling.”

Robin could not believe what she was saying.

How was he not supposed to worry, when she had just revealed that she had been experiencing that awful burning sensation since she first arrived on Earth?!

Even if she’d had it for as long as she remembered, which was proven to be short due to the loss of her past, Starfire shouldn’t have to experience such a painful feeling on a constant basis!

Robin wanted to say this. He knew the alien was hiding more than she let on and he wanted to know why.

But, even if that was what he desired, it would not matter. Starfire’s eyes, while showcasing her sincerity, also displayed her resolve.

She was not going to reveal more than she wanted.

“Fine.”

Robin finally released her. There was a tension in the air, so thick and heavy it needed to be hacked with a knife.

He nodded his head to where the voices continued to shout out.

“We shouldn’t keep them waiting. Cyborg’ll restore us back to normal once we reach the tower.”

Starfire nodded, not wanting to risk him questioning her any further. She was not sure if she would be able to resist had he continued to be persistent.

Star just hoped Robin would no longer look into the setbacks of her powers, for both of her sakes. Even if she did not know why, or maybe on the chance she could not remember why, she knew the answer would only lead to trouble.

Unfortunately for her, Robin was not finished. If anything, he was just getting started.

He was going to get answers, for both their sakes.

#canon rewrite #my universe #my fic #starfire #robin #teen titans 2003 #teen titans #robstar #RobStar Week #robstar week 2024

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