#luiza i'm so sorry

[galvanizedfriend]

2023 WIP List

I saw a writer I really love doing this here and decided to respectfully borrow the idea.

I'm feeling really bummed about writing lately, can't seem to find the least bit of motivation and have jumped from story to story without adding anything of substance over the last month or so. Nothing seems to spark joy. And yet I have thousands of words in half-written stories I'm not sure what to do with. Ideally, I'd like to finish them, but at this point, who knows 🤷‍ So this is a way for me to take stock, do some soul-searching, try to find where my heart is writing-wise at the moment and see if I can manifest some inspo.✨

These are not even all my WIPs, just the ones I have opened at least once in the last year.

▪ Speed Dating 3/3 Klaroline, friends/roommates-to-lovers

Started in June 2022

The final part to my Speed Dating sequel, which is much longer than the original story because I have no self-respect. Klaus and Caroline are roommates and idiots. The OG one-shot had them going on a round of speed dating and failing to connect the dots and realizing that what they really should be doing is sucking face with each other. The sequel is kind of an expanded universe situation, where I wanted to show a little more of their roommie chemistry and push them into situations where they are finally confronted with the reality of their feelings. But that only happens once they start seeing other people because of course.

I have maybe 60% of the final part written but for some reason, after word-vomiting non-stop for a while, I got stuck on a kind of major point in the story. I've tried to start it soooo many times and it just won't go. 🙃 I think I'm looking at a good 6 to 8k words more before it's finished.

▪ Random Fic (not the real title) Klaroline (duh), sorta exes-to-enemies-to-lovers I guess

Started in May 2020

The start of my romantic comedy phase. This predates even my coffee shop AU. It's Caroline and Klaus having a fling that ends very, very badly, but then having to come together again a year later to marry their common friend (and Caroline's ex), Tyler. I wanted it to be quick, witty and light-hearted and then at some point it got some very emotional bits in the middle and turned into something else completely. I guess it's still mostly light-hearted, but it has some ~~substance, whatever that means. I think it's an okay fic, and it's 55k words, which is not too bad, but then does anyone still read 55k all at once these days? lol

The fic is finished. I think I wrapped it up in April last year, so a year ago. But I haven't been able to go back and read it again. I've tried, and I've started it so many times, but then I always stop and never pick it back up. But like. 55k words of finished fic here. 🤷‍

▪ Pendulum Klaroline, soulmates!AU but make it sad

Originally in January 2019, started rewriting in July 2020 (lol)

I have issues with this story. It's the saddest damn thing I've ever written, but it's also my favorite storyline I've ever come up with. It got some hate at the time, I don't know why, but also some of the most heartfelt comments/responses I've ever received on any story (and I still keep them all!), so I think this is one where you either love it or hate it. But because I feel so protective of it, I have problems (of the personal brand) leaving it out in the open, and I don't want to repost it until I'm absolutely sure it's ok. As you can see, it was one of my first ever fics, so the writing wasn't the best. But I still love it, I don't care. I keep wanting to make the writing match how much I love the idea, and I don't know if that's possible. 🙃

It's the rare AU I write entirely from Klaus' POV, which is something else. I'm not sure I'm that good with Klaus. It's also an AH, but it has a little magic twist. Every time Klaus dies, his life just restarts from the exact same point. He's born on the same year, at the same place, to the same parents. Except he remembers his previous lives, and so he accumulates the knowledge of hundreds and hundreds of previously lived years each time he's reborn. And then shit happens.

First time I posted this, it was 57k words long. I have successfully finished rewriting the first of three parts, which is around 14k words, but as you can see, I have been in this process since 2020 (!!!), so I need to go back and tinker with that as well. May God have mercy on my soul.

▪ Mystic Tours (not the real title) Klaroline, friends-to-lovers but also fake dating

Started in January 2023

This was inspired by Lovelight Farms by B.K. Borison, except it's not a Christmas story, and it doesn't actually have any farms. It has Klaroline fake dating to try and win a contest that can potentially save Caroline's failing business, and also loads of side-characters Sound of Settling style (including a horde of Mikaelsons and Bonnie and Enzo as Caroline's co-workers). I really like writing stories where I can fit a bunch of side characters and make the whole thing sorta absurd. But I also wanted to try to make something quicker, more dialogue-oriented and with shorter scenes. AND YET. I just can't seem to make it work, the writing kinda sucks.

I have some 6k words of this, but can't tell you how much of that is actually usable. And it's maybe 10% of the story. 🙃

▪ Friends that Ruin Your Life (may or may not be the title, undecided) Klaroline, Klefan (!!), affairs, fucked up people, angst

Started in March 2023

The five minutes during which I decided I wanted to go back to my origins and write something angsty and filled with complicated situations, a bit like Gasoline. It features Klaus and Stefan as a couple, and Caroline getting sucked into their messy marriage. So yes, Klaus is having an affair. In his defense, so is Stefan. Caroline's moral compass gets all out of sorts and she realizes the world is a lot less black-and-white than she'd previously assumed and sometimes you do get judged by your one-offs, even if your heart is in the right place.

I got super excited about this one and churned out the entire plan for the whole story, with all the scenes and most of the dialogues and the document alone is like 60k words long. I wrote that in like three days. 🥲 I don't think I could make it a one-shot, and I think that left me bummed because I didn't want it to be a multi-chapter. And then I'm not sure the writing was coming along fine enough, it wasn't flowing, and I started to question whether it was actually good or if I was totally tripping when I had this idea and this was actually insanely shitty. lol Leaning more towards the second right now.

▪ King Arthur AU (not the actual title) Klaroline, magic, fantasy, King Arthur

Started in March 2021

This is very high fantasy, and very intricate. It would be a multi-chapter, but I have no idea how long. I think I was leaning towards 10 chapters. I have four written. And the writing is fairly decent, if I may say so myself. But as it usually happens with me, I get to a point where I start wondering why am I even writing this, and then I stop. 🥲🥲 I also think I was having some doubts about how to wrap it up. It had maybe more plots than I wanted to work with. King Arthur was actually Elijah, and Klaus was Mordred, and Caroline was Guinevere-ish, a witch undercover in "Orleans" (I'm so creative!!).

Only reason this is even on the list is because I recently read the four chapters I have and thought they were pretty decent, but I haven't written anything in almost two years, so maybe I've swiped up on this one already.

▪ The Wolf III and IV 🤡

Started in October 2020 (!! when I tell you guys I've had this written for years lol)

I have technically written The Wolf 3. It's in my "headcanons" format, which is honestly a joke, because clearly I don't know how to write headcanons. 🤡 But as you can see by the starting date, it's very, very old, and it requires full rewriting and lots of editing. Chapters are 15 to 20k words long (some are longer). TW4 is a different story. I never actually wrote it down, all I have is a full, detailed plan of all the scenes and shit. My idea was to not split the two stories into two different fics, but rather continue on with TW4 in the same AO3 "document" (???) as TW3 and make it 34 chapters long instead of 21. It doesn't make a lot of sense, but also I don't have it in me to start another separate story.

But here we are, stuck on S03E17. 🤡 Gonna be honest with you, my dudes, it's been rough to find the motivation to open that document. I think I have half of 17, maybe, but I haven't touched that in over a month. Laely, I have been often sent into thinky thoughts that you really shouldn't have when you're writing fic just for the hell of it, you know. Like, this is in no way meant to be a great piece of writing, I shouldn't be worried about that. It's the fan service of the fan service. But I start to think about the real quality of it and whether it even makes sense to be writing it, I realize I wrote one fic that was good, a second one which I personally think was even better, and then I made the classic mistake of having one too many sequels. This is Jurassic Park III. It's not as crappy as Jurassic World, you have Sam Neill, but should it exist? I just want Klaus and Caroline to be together for a change, and I love adding random final scenes in every chapter where it's just the two of them being married, but - should this be written? Or rather, should this have been posted in the first place? Do we really wanna see them being domestic? Doesn't that kind of kill the vibe? I don't know, man. I don't know. Chapter one was a blast, people seemed so into it and I wrote five chapters at once and got maybe a little over-excited, and then which each update I feel like there's less and less readers and it really gets me thinking. These thoughts are sabotaging my will to write. I need to get back on my fuck it horse.

It will come to me at some point, though. I'm sure it will.

Anyway, these are all my current WIPs! Comments, ideas and positive energies are all welcome! ✨ Let's return to this in december and weep at how little progress I've made 🥲

[aphrogeneias]

luiza my love! do you have any show recs? i’ve been going through withdrawals after finishing one of my favorite shows and now i’m trying to find something new to fill the void 😅

maria baby!!! how are you? <3

i'm the worst person to ask this because i haven't been watching absolutely anything, the last new show i watched was abbott elementary (and i loved it), but i bet you've already seen this one. i was also watching the vampire diaries (thanks to @imaginearyparties) but i haven't had time to continue with it, though i was having a lot of fun and i hope once winter break comes next week i can go back to binging it

i feel like i'm the one who should be asking for recommendations here, i'm so sorry :(

[pricescigar]

My Daughter

Summary: Every story has a beginning, and Monroe's story was one of them. When he believes Elvira could be the recianrnated self of his late daughter, his insanity grew stronger...

The 1918 influenza pandemic was the most severe pandemic in recent history. It was caused by an H1N1 virus with genes of avian origin. It killed an estimated 50 million people worldwide. Monroe and his daughter Elvira, live in the desolate Village in Romania. Even then… The Flu didn't spare his little daughter. . .

8th of August 1919

"You'll be alright Elvira, I promise you… You're my little fighter." Monroe spoke to his daughter softly, he pulled the cold flannel looking at her.

"Papa…" Elvira spoke softly, she was terribly weak and fragile. The flu had taken a toll on her. And Monroe was worried for her, no remedy was working on her. Watching Elvira slowly drift off to sleep, he stepped away to wet the flannel again. Once he returned back to Elvira's bedroom, he knew something was wrong.

Monroe approached Elvira's bed, he gently placed his fingers on Elvira's wrist to feel her pulse… And it wasn't there, he was in denial. His worry increased, he knelt down to her. Trying to wake her up, alas it didn't work. "No… Elvira, wake up, please, wake up for me…" He whispered to her, no matter what Monroe did… Elvira didn't wake up. He held her little body close to his. Holding his daughter close to him, closing his eyes, feeling a few tears running down his cheeks.

1 week later. . .

"I'm so sorry for your loss Monroe, losing a child is never easy… If you need anything. We'll be here to help you." Luiza sympathetically put a hand on his shoulder.

"I just want my daughter back… I don't want help, I don't want anything…" Monroe spoke softly, staring down at Elvira's grave, seeing the little Coffin broke his heart. 

"I know… I know you do Monroe, we won't let you suffer alone. We never suffer alone." Luiza said to him, as they watched the soil being dug up. 

"I wish to be alone." Monroe simply said kneeling down and he placed flowers down by Elvira's grave. Luiza simply nodded and the other villagers who attended the funeral had soon left.

The weeks had been hard for Monroe, he isolated himself and none of the townspeople saw him again. Even if they did it was a rare sight– He remained in his home, alone with his thoughts. Elvira was the only thing in life that he truly ever cared about, forget about all the other people in the damn village… It was only his daughter he cared about, and now she's gone. He could no longer concentrate at his job, the forever battle he was trying to fight in his mind… The grief and loss, it was getting all too much. Not to mention the dreams he'd been having the last couple of weeks… Nothing made sense, nothing did anymore. Life was cruel and unfair to the man, and all he ever wanted was answers. Though he never dared to tell anyone his true feelings…

The cave, that's where he drifted off to. He was so lost, and in so much pain. The grief was hitting him hard, the ache within his heart was a different kind of pain. He was angry, angry with the world. Angry that the epidemic took the only thing he ever cared about. Overstaying his visit in that cave, the mold infected Monroe. And there… He began to see all memories of assimilated organisms, everything made sense to him.

Monroe searched deeper in the vast memories, and there he saw his daughter again. However, she looked much older, this was the future… Impossible, his daughter had been reincarnated into this young woman. The village alone would be in shambles if Monroe would go through great lengths, but his daughter Elvira was back…

Monroe was a different man when he walked out of that cave, he took the molds sample, wanting to find out more about it as a whole. He began to heal the sick to see its side effects, and how it would affect people as a whole. He was fascinated by it's work, with enough people healed, and enough gaining his trust. He manipulated them, from there he made his own version of the mold known as the "Cadou Parasite." 

Monroe phoned himself as "The Blsck God." But to the poor villagers who had abandoned their own Christan faith, serving under Monroe's faith… To a new Pagan Cult that had risen, he then became known as "Father Monroe."

With those long decades of research, experimenting… Failed experiments, hosts out of control; Those unlucky villagers… Those who had turned into Lycans. Soon to make a den of their own, recognised as failed experiments of Father Monroe himself. The most promising candidates of Monroe's Cadou experiments were themselves the descendants of the Four Kings who ruled over the region - Azariel Dimitrescu, Karl Heisenberg, Donna Beneviento, and Salvatore Moreau. Monroe found them perfect as their own individuality despite their ancient feudal rule over the region and they operated together as a council. And that was all they ever were… They watched the village like Hawk's.

In the space of those decades time was slow, even if all was lost. He didn't give up, knowing that somewhere down the line… Monroe would finally see his own daughter again.

During Monroe's free time he created a story, but not any kind of story. A fairy tale, a tale that told of his daughter reincarnated; Elvira, upon seeing her future henceforth, he created the story and was given out to the villagers who had children. Deemed as a local tale to the many villagers and the children who were there and of the truth come what may.

 The four Lords read the books too, however they kept their true options to themselves; But to Donna and Moreau... They were rather excited, to say the least, hearing Monroe's daughter would return. They were happy for him of course, hell the four Lords were lucky that Monroe ever spoke about his feelings.

How could Monroe ever come up with something like this, they would always question. But the four Lords knew well enough; To never question Father Monroe, no one would ever dare to do that. Unless you wanted to get on his bad side…And as the story would always go. . . 

"Long ago, a young woman found herself awake in the cold, dark and desolate forest.  In the freezing cold, the cold air whispered in her ear. Chills running down her whole body, shivering, holding herself ever so clearly for the warmth she needed. Finding such will and courage, she journeyed her way through into the unknown or what may lie ahead of her. At the end of the forest, her eyes met a large castle. For the bell has tolled echoing all throughout the village, the monsters of all the village grew wild. For attacking the stranger that bestowed upon their territory. Managing to escape from the beast's grasps, and finding herself on the way to the ancient castle. While trying to find warmth and shelter, one of the many monsters found her. Knocking her out, while the other monsters called out to the summon. The great witch appeared, his dark figure, dark yet regal . . . Darkness appeared around her. For she, the fly got trapped within the spider's web.  Until then suddenly. . . The bat lord had suddenly appeared! It's great wings spread out, high and mighty. Saving her from such darkness that tried to engulf her . . . Whisking her away to it's grand castle, there his sons would be and his brother. Endlessly fighting for her life, terrified, scared and lonely. Feeling the hatred and burden of it all. In the howling night, the girl struggled to sleep. Tossing and turning in her newly found bed, in no hopes of being able to return back to her old life. The nightmares catching up to her . . . Yet then again, to save her from those wretched thoughts, the bat lord once again was always there.

With his wise and cunning words, his voice sweet and deep like honey. Softly and tenderly tending to her every need to calm her, to soothe her saying to her, in the dark of the night: "My dear, come to me. But do not fret, for I am your guide, your shelter, your protector. Of night and day. . . Until the end of time."

And the story concludes there… The pages blank and unfinished, now why would Monroe give out an unfinished book? Because the story is only beginning.

5th of February 2021

Elvira noticed her father was out and about again, which she didn't mind. She always appreciated her own company, and that was enough. Luckily it was her time off from all the Military training that Chris had been giving her, it was a little tough, but if she wanted to be strong; This is what she needed to do, hearing the front door closing she knew her father had returned. Making her way downstairs to see him, but it wasn't her father. It was a complete stranger. It was Monroe.

"Vater you're- … Who the hell are you? How did you get in here?" Elvira became suspicious as she stared at Monroe.

Monroe was looking at the photo of Dietrich, Mia and Elvira, which was in a frame as he looked over to Elvira. "I'm here to bring you back." He placed the photo frame down.

"What the hell? You creep, get out of my house." Elvira spoke sternly this time as she backed away from him cautiously.

"Your father is dead, come with me if you want to ensure your safety." Monroe still remained calm, as he extended his hand towards her. Still advancing, he wanted to do this the easier way.

Monroe watched Elvira closely and saw her get a pistol out of the Kitchen drawer, he could only laugh as he watched the pistol being aimed towards him. He wasn't scared at all. "Go on… Shoot me. I'm not afraid." He stepped towards her.

Elvira shot him a couple of times, one bullet went into his shoulder and the other two bullets went into his chest. But it didn't take an effect on him, he grabbed the Pistol, crushing it into pieces like it was nothing. 

"You're coming with me." Monroe spoke seriously, when Elvira tried to escape he grabbed her wrists pulling her towards him roughly. Pressing onto the pressure points in her neck, watching her fall he easily caught her. 

"I'm sorry if it had to turn out like this Elvira, everything will make sense soon… I promise you." Monroe whispered to her.

[highlifeboat]

Angst makes me wonder (even though you've probably talked about this, sorry) - how do the Dimitrescus help their loves through heavy trauma times (anniversaries, triggers, etc)?

Or alternatively- how do they get helped themselves by their partners?

Weh, I'm sorry, I was gonna do the second half of the question too but my brain is not braining. (also apologies for the long ass paragraphs)

The anniversary of the Massacre is really hard on Elena (and Max, but we’ll get to him), and as much as she tries not to seem bothered it’s not hard to tell that she gets very sullen around February, and just generally less… herself. Of course the Slaughter isn’t a secret, no one’s surprised that Elena kind of shuts down, but it still hurts Bela to see her be so depressed. Especially when she’s been such a light in Bela’s life. The problem is she isn’t entirely sure what to do beyond being extra attentive. It’s a lot of alone time for them, honestly. Not really doing anything, just Elena in Bela’s lap while they cuddle and Bela trying to take Elena’s mind off of it by talking about… anything. Anything that keeps Elena engaged. Bela wishes Elena would tell her more about what happened at Luiza’s house. It would probably do Elena some good to get it off her chest. But she can’t make her talk. All she can do is try to be supportive and provide as much comfort as she can.

Triggers aren’t as much of a problem for Elena, or at least she hasn’t had anything trigger her yet, so it isn’t something Bela’s had to help her with. She does understand Elena’s big discomfort with fire, though (which isn’t really a heavy trauma thing, but still), and is always ready to provide reassurance that it's perfectly safe.

Much like Elena, Max takes the first week of February especially hard. The main difference is he actively tries to distract himself from it with a lot of wine. It’s not initially weird to Daniela, because Max drinks quite a bit anyway, but it does become a concern when that’s literally all he’s doing. She doesn’t want him to drink himself into a coma, obviously, and it kind of forces her to intervene and take him away from the alcohol. The only other coping mechanism he knows is sex, but needless to say Daniela isn’t exactly down for it when he can’t even stand. She’s kind of stuck listening to his drunk ramblings for a while, but eventually suggests he try and write or draw out his feelings. “It works for Cass. Sometimes.” She tells him, throwing a notepad and some pencils on the floor for him. Max is no artist, but (once he’s more sober) he finds it kind of therapeutic to just.. Scribble. Not draw or write anything, but just mindlessly scribble and generally wreck the pages. Easier than talking his feelings out in the moment, anyway. So Daniela kind of inadvertently helps him that way. Maybe does some doodles in her own book while she watches him to make sure he doesn’t do anything stupid. Because those drunk ramblings were more than a little worrying.

The big thing for Melony is having panic attacks when she’s triggered (Usually caused by one to many unprompted/unwanted touches). Cassandra has gotten pretty good at not immediately trying to grab/hug Melony to ground her, since that usually just makes it worse. Instead she’s learned it’s better if she just… talks. Get Melony to focus on her. Maybe provide some kind of comfort item (like any kind of stuffed toy). Melony doesn’t like that Cassandra has to do this kind of thing for her, but she greatly appreciates it. She also argues there aren’t any specific dates that make her upset, but it doesn’t stop Cassandra from noticing how her tone kind of shifts during her birthday. Cass doesn’t really know how to help her with that beyond trying to indulge in Melony’s interests more actively. It doesn’t usually work. (Though she seems to go back to being herself after the day passes.)

[sheismysanity]

Do you know where there’s any stupid wife fan fiction?

Hiiiiii, I'm so sorry for the late answer in mobile you can't see if you get a new message. Well, not I don't know any but the show is based on a fifth harmony fanfiction with the same name that you can find on wattpad. If I find any fanfiction based on Luiza and Valentina story I will share it here. 💗

[nebulaofchaosandwoe]

if you get this answer with your top 5 music artists and send it to the last 7 people in your notifications, anonymously or not

Dodie, Luiza Brina, Steven Universe (i luv the whole soundtrack sorry), Keane and whatever artist I'm obsessed with in the moment (it always changes so yeh 🦭)

[secondfuckingguessing]

Dec 31st

Apparently it is the last day of the year. But it's still 5 am.

Catita died yesterday, the same day as pelé, two days after we left candeias. It's like she waited for us to say goodbye. I already miss her terribly to be quite honest. The house was not as lively as it would have been with her. I'm so sorry her life had to be the way ir turned out to be. It's all our fault. I don't think I'll ever love another cat so much, for real. That's my problem. I'm too loyal to make room for new things to love.

Santos has been nice so far. I'm still kinda afraid luiza is going to get here and get all the attention. I'm not completely sure I exactly care about it. Idk. Sometimes I feel like I could

[dothegravitybounce]

On goodreads I'm seeing some Jaenelle hate as well (not hate but like that ain't it yknow). Which reminds me of how much I love the way her character is constructed. The whole goddess walking on earth is super appealing to me, because the story always treats her as goddess whereas if it was in another book it would very much be a story about her as a woman solely and how that's ultimately better. For Jaenelle it isn't, her journey as a woman is a burdensome one actually. It's always skating on the line of overpowered Mary Sue but it's always reminding you that she actually isn't supposed to be there, alive, communicating and living amongst others. I love the parallels with Jesus (YES JAHSHAHS I KNOW but it's exactly that). Is she a savior or the fact that she's responsible for everyone and bears everyone grievances what ultimately harms and kills her freedom?

[solaskoroleva]

⁖ name edit: Arlen for @illuminosity

[galvanizedfriend]

Happy birthday to the only greatest Camijah shipper I know! 🥳💖 @definedareasofuncertainty

[Thank you for putting up with me all this time, friend! Hope you have a wonderful day! 🎂✨]

[aphrogeneias]

Luiza im in an awful terrible situation (not really im just dramatic) and would love your advice if you have any to give

basically one of my best friends is super Mormon and has recently come back from a 2 year service mission. and in the 2 years he's been gone ive discovered i have major feelings for him (and he has given me vibes that he reciprocates) but im very much not religious and i know that if we were to date it wouldn't ever go anywhere serious because he wants to be with someone who is mormon and i dont want to date him just to have us breakup because im not. so idk what to do 😭😭

you want me to be totally honest with you? don't date him

i know, i know, i'm being kind of harsh, and i respect your feelings. i know what it's like to have feelings for someone and have all of these things that get in the way of allowing you to be with them. but this isn't gonna end well, especially not for you

he's not gonna abandon his beliefs for you, and if you're not willing to embrace that lifestyle and make it yours too, then you should forget about it. and it's gonna hurt, you're gonna go through all of that grief, but for all it's worth, it's better to let go of it now then to go through this breakup due to this incompatibility in the future

i'm sorry, this is probably what you don't want to hear but this is an advice i'd give a friend :( and you're entitled to doing whatever you want! but this is what i would do, or at least, again, what i'd advise a beloved friend

[wintryblight]

do you have poems about grief/sorrow that aren't about a person's death? I've been desperately wishing I could go back in time, to a time that's long gone now, to people that are still alive but not home anymore, to a feeling, etc. no one died this time. somehow, that doesn't seem to matter. not sure I'm making any sense.

hi anon! i’m so sorry for taking a long time to get to your prompt--i’ve had a difficult time in my personal life & haven’t had much time to respond to requests. i love your prompt & the way you phrased it, & here are some poems that i hope resonate with you. enjoy reading!

Meghan O’Rourke, “Unforced Error” | Heidegger: “Every man is born as many men / and dies as a single one.” / The bones in us still marrowful. / The moon up there, too, an arctic sorrow.

Ada Limón, “Before” | If you live, / you look back and beg / for it again, the hazardous / bliss before you know / what you would miss.

Jeff Hardin, “Concerning the Shape of Time” | The truth is: here we are / inside these lives we sometimes do not / recognize, these lives we don’t deserve. / So many selves we almost came to be / never came to be.

Wendy Xu, “Writing Home” | These days / the lyric’s sentiment floats / away from me. Like a river someone / forgets to bless. Memory, to memory, / to the dirt path opening / again in a dream.

Li-Young Lee, “I Ask My Mother to Sing” | how the waterlilies fill with rain until / they overturn, spilling water into water, / then rock back, and fill with more.

Luiza Flynn-Goodlett, “The Sublime Before (Is Someone's After)” | Summers, we bleach hair with / lemon, are warm as gold on skin, haven't / glimpsed the shapes we'll be hammered in.

[homo-sex-shoe-whale]

Hey I wrote a song about u so here it goes

(sung to a trap beat, it's like a rap but idk)

Please put your hands around my neck

Maybe just for a sec

I know this ain't an nsfw blog

But I just wanna have this dialogue

[chorus]

I wanna be your bitch

I wanna be your bitch

I wanna be your bitch

Welp that's it

[beat fades out with whisper of I'm sorry if this made u uncomfy, doesn't make it any less true tho]

I think I wanna call it Ana Luiza.

Thank u.

??????????

[fcntasmas-archive]

Ceecee I'm cracking up at your tags 😂 it wasn't about the 911 blogging, I admit I mostly scroll by those posts but sometimes it's nice, like hearing gossip about people you don't know! Also, from what I gather there's -stuff- going on, so I'm happy for you. Or sorry that happened. 💜

LUIZA FJASDKLJF stop ilysm thanks for sticking every evolution of my blog out you're so brave <333

[venusmlp]

since i opened up with people close to me that i was r*ped by my cousin my life has turned worse. idk how to feel about things anymore. well it's not like i ever did. i should be happy or relieved that he's gone to another city but i'm sad. i do want him back, i do miss him. I do feel sorry for definitely destroying permanently his relationship with my father. okay i know that's actually on him but no one would know about our "little secret" if i just kept my mouth shut. so that's also on me.

Am i broken for thinking like that? idk how much of this was my fault actually. I wanted it, but i didn't. but i did want it. but i didn't know any better. so I didn't want it. but I didn't say no neither...

the thing about getting r*ped is that you never ever stop blaming yourself. i now It happend i know it's not okay. I do feel dirty. I do feel like a whore and incestuous. but sometimes i don't. Sometimes i have the audacity to think "we don't have the same blood so that's not a problem". Yes, Luiza, It is.

So i wanna live but i wanna die. I find myself thinking sometimes "he wasn't rough so he cares". Don't get me wrong it's not like all that times didn't hurt, they did hurt like living hell, but he didn't hit me or anything. And he is incredibly sorry. I shouldn't forgive him and i don't think i ever will, but i wish i could or would. I wish my life was what It was and that i had my best cousin back. i hate him but i love him. he's family. I miss our talks. I miss him. i hate myself

sometimes it's nothing and sometimes i want to die.

[zoloftandchai]

Fake Artist Bio - Luiza Prado

Luiza Jesus Prado (stagename: Hifa Cybe) is a transdisciplinary artist born in Guaratingueta, Brazil, in 1988. Although her experiments in employing a plethora of mediums are impressive for onlookers and critics alike, it is the chilling narratives behind her work that make her an artist of interest.

Since 2016, Prado has enlisted her alter-ego - 'Hifa Cybe' - to animate love, loss, angst, and grief in her work. A photoseries called 'Sinto Muito (I'm so sorry)' depicts the process of writing letters to a dead lover. The conspicuous presence of blood and meaty, sculptural elements resembling human flesh have successfully stirred conversations surrounding intent amidst art critics - has Hifa's (or rather, Prado's) lover been murdered? Are there more ominous realities concealed under what the viewer can digest?

Prado plays with these reviews and reactions all the same. She employs subliminal messaging via her 'sordid' imagery and somber titles to breathe a somewhat dangerous and unstable persona into Hifa. In I Miss You (2017), she wholly embodies Hifa to ritualistically burn her love letters in what appears to be an anti-demonic prayer ring. The viewers are left to ponder on whether this translates to Hifa gaining closure for the mistakes of a past lover, or if they've conversely witnessed Hifa begging for redemption/forgiveness after committing an unspeakable crime of passion.

More recently, Prado's ideations seem to have shifted from exposing Hifa's story to introspecting on her part in it. Works such as Girl With The Gas Mask (2020) and Psylocybin (2020) address the constant paranoia that subsumes Hifa, who, in living in guilt from doing something still unknown to Prado's audience, resorts to self-medicating with narcotics. Needless to say, the artist indubitably posesses the artistic direction, vision, and patience it takes to create (and curate) a wonderfully mysterious and layered 'second life' in her portfolio.