#major synapse | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

kaijuposting · 4 months

Text

Jaegers of Pacific Rim: What do we know about them?

There's actually a fair amount of lore about Pacific Rim's jaegers, though most of it isn't actually in the movie itself. A lot of it has been scattered in places like Pacific Rim: Man, Machines, & Monsters, Tales From Year Zero, Travis Beacham's blog, and the Pacific Rim novelization.

Note that I will not be including information from either Pacific Rim: Uprising or Pacific Rim: The Black. Uprising didn't really add anything, and The Black's take on jaegers can easily be summed up as "simplified the concept to make a cartoon for children."

So what is there to know about jaegers, besides the fact that they're piloted by two people with their brains connected via computer?

Here's a fun fact: underneath the hull (which may or may not be pure iron), jaegers have "muscle strands" and liquid data transfer technology. Tendo Choi refers to them in the film when describing Lady Danger's repairs and upgrades:

Solid iron hull, no alloys. Forty engine blocks per muscle strand. Hyper-torque driver for every limb and a new fluid synapse system.

The novelization by Alex Irvine makes frequent references to this liquid data transfer tech. For example:

The Jaeger’s joints squealed and began to freeze up from loss of lubricant through the holes Knifehead had torn in it. Its liquid-circuit neural architecture was misfiring like crazy. (Page 29.)

He had enough fiber-optic and fluid-core cabling to get the bandwidth he needed. (Page 94.)

Newt soldered together a series of leads using the copper contact pins and short fluid-core cables. (Page 96.)

Unfortunately I haven't found anything more about the "muscle strands" and what they might be made of, but I do find it interesting that jaegers apparently have some sort of artificial muscle system going on, especially considering Newt's personnel dossier in the novel mentioned him pioneering research in artificial tissue replication at MIT.

The novelization also mentions that the pilots' drivesuits have a kind of recording device for their experiences while drifting:

This armored outer layer included a Drift recorder that automatically preserved sensory impressions. (Page 16.)

It was connected through a silver half-torus that looked like a travel pillow but was in fact a four-dimensional quantum recorder that would provide a full record of the Drift. (Page 96.)

This is certainly... quite the concept. Perhaps the PPDC has legitimate reasons for looking through the memories and feelings of their pilots, but let's not pretend this doesn't enable horrific levels of privacy invasion.

I must note, though, I haven't seen mention of a recording system anywhere outside of the novel. Travis Beacham doesn't mention it on his blog, and it never comes up in either Tales From Year Zero or Tales From The Drift, both written by him. Whether there just wasn't any occasion to mention it or whether this piece of worldbuilding fell by the wayside in Beacham's mind is currently impossible to determine.

Speaking of the drivesuits, let's talk about those more. The novelization includes a few paragraphs outlining how the pilots' drivesuits work. It's a two-layer deal:

The first layer, the circuity suit, was like a wetsuit threaded with a mesh of synaptic processors. The pattern of processor relays looked like circuitry on the outside of the suit, gleaming gold against its smooth black polymer material. These artificial synapses transmitted commands to the Jaeger’s motor systems as fast as the pilot’s brain could generate them, with lag times close to zero. The synaptic processor array also transmitted pain signals to the pilots when their Jaeger was damaged.

...

The second layer was a sealed polycarbonate shell with full life support and magnetic interfaces at spine, feet, and all major limb joints. It relayed neural signals both incoming and outgoing. This armored outer layer included a Drift recorder that automatically preserved sensory impressions.

...

The outer armored layer of the drivesuit also kept pilots locked into the Conn-Pod’s Pilot Motion Rig, a command platform with geared locks for the Rangers’ boots, cabled extensors that attached to each suit gauntlet, and a full-spectrum neural transference plate, called the feedback cradle, that locked from the Motion Rig to the spine of each Ranger’s suit. At the front of the motion rig stood a command console, but most of a Ranger’s commands were issued either by voice or through interaction with the holographic heads-up display projected into the space in front of the pilots’ faces. (Page 16.)

Now let's talk about the pons system. According to the novelization:

The basics of the Pons were simple. You needed an interface on each end, so neuro signals from the two brains could reach the central bridge. You needed a processor capable of organizing and merging the two sets of signals. You needed an output so the data generated by the Drift could be recorded, monitored, and analyzed. That was it. (Page 96.)

This is pretty consistent with other depictions of the drift, recording device aside. (Again, the 4D quantum recorder never comes up anywhere outside of the novel.)

The development of the pons system as we know it is depicted in Tales From Year Zero, which goes into further detail on what happened after Trespasser's attack on San Francisco. In this comic, a jaeger can be difficult to move if improbably calibrated. Stacker Pentecost testing out a single arm describes the experience as feeling like his hand is stuck in wet concrete; Doctor Caitlin Lightcap explains that it's resistance from the datastream because the interface isn't calibrated to Pentecost's neural profile. (I'm guessing that this is the kind of calibration the film refers to when Tendo Choi calls out Lady Danger's left and right hemispheres being calibrated.)

According to Travis Beacham's blog, solo piloting a jaeger for a short time is possible, though highly risky. While it won't cause lasting damage if the pilot survives the encounter, the neural overload that accumulates the longer a pilot goes on can be deadly. In this post he says:

It won't kill you right away. May take five minutes. May take twenty. No telling. But it gets more difficult the longer you try. And at some point it catches up with you. You won't last a whole fight start-to-finish. Stacker and Raleigh managed to get it done and unplug before hitting that wall.

In this post he says:

It starts off fine, but it's a steep curve from fine to dead. Most people can last five minutes. Far fewer can last thirty. Nobody can last a whole fight.

Next, let's talk about the size and weight of jaegers. Pacific Rim: Man, Machines, & Monsters lists off the sizes and weights of various jaegers. The heights of the jaegers it lists (which, to be clear, are not all of them) range from 224 feet to 280 feet. Their weights range from 1850 tons to 7890 tons. Worth noting, the heaviest jaegers (Romeo Blue and Horizon Brave) were among the Mark-1s, and it seems that these heavy builds didn't last long given that another Mark-1, Coyote Tango, weighed 2312 tons.

And on the topic of jaeger specs, each jaeger in Pacific Rim: Man, Machines, & Monsters is listed with a (fictional) power core and operating system. For example, Crimson Typhoon is powered by the Midnight Orb 9 power core, and runs on the Tri-Sun Plasma Gate OS.

Where the novelization's combat asset dossiers covers the same jaegers, this information lines up - with the exception of Lady Danger. PR:MMM says that Lady Danger's OS is Blue Spark 4.1; the novelization's dossier says it's BLPK 4.1.

PR:MMM also seems to have an incomplete list of the jaegers' armaments; for example, it lists the I-22 Plasmacaster under Weaponry, and "jet kick" under Power Moves. Meanwhile, the novelization presents its armaments thus:

I-22 Plasmacaster Twin Fist gripping claws, left arm only Enhanced balance systems and leg-integral Thrust Kickers Enhanced combat-strike armature on all limbs

The novel's dossiers list between 2-4 features in the jaegers' armaments sections.

Now let's move on to jaeger power cores. As many of you probably already know, Mark-1-3 jaegers were outfitted with nuclear power cores. However, this posed a risk of cancer for pilots, especially during the early days. To combat this, pilots were given the (fictional) anti-radiation drug, Metharocin. (We see Stacker Pentecost take Metharocin in the film.)

The Mark-4s and beyond were fitted with alternative fuel sources, although their exact nature isn't always clear. Striker Eureka's XIG supercell chamber implies some sort of giant cell batteries, but it's a little harder to guess what Crimson Typhoon's Midnight Orb 9 might be, aside from round.

Back on the topic of nuclear cores, though, the novelization contains a little paragraph about the inventor of Lady Danger's power core, which I found entertaining:

The old nuclear vortex turbine lifted away from the reactor housing. The reactor itself was a proprietary design, brainchild of an engineer who left Westinghouse when they wouldn’t let him use his lab to explore portable nuclear miniaturization tech. He’d landed with one of the contractors the PPDC brought in at its founding, and his small reactors powered many of the first three generations of Jaegers. (Page 182.)

Like... I have literally just met this character, and I love him. I want him to meet Newt Geiszler, you know? >:3

Apparently, escape pods were a new feature to Mark-3 jaegers. Text in the novelization says, "New to the Mark III is an automated escape-pod system capable of ejecting each Ranger individually." (Page 240.)

Finally, jaegers were always meant to be more than just machines. Their designs and movements were meant to convey personality and character. Pacific Rim: Man, Machines, & Monsters says:

Del Toro insisted the Jaegers be characters in and of themselves, not simply giant versions of their pilots. Del Toro told his designers, "It should be as painful for you to see a Jaeger get injured as it is for you to see the pilot [get hurt.]" (Page 56.)

Their weathered skins are inspired by combat-worn vehicles from the Iraq War and World War II battleships and bombers. They look believable and their design echoes human anatomy, but only to a point. "At the end of the day, what you want is for them to look cool," says Francisco Ruiz Velasco. "It's a summer movie, so you want to see some eye candy." Del Toro replies, "I, however, believe in 'eye protein,' which is high-end design with a high narrative content." (Page 57.)

THE JAEGER FROM DOWN UNDER is the only Mark 5, the most modern and best all-around athlete of the Jaegers. He's also the most brutal of the Jaeger force. Del Toro calls him "sort of brawler, like a bar fighter." (Page 64.)

And that is about all the info I could scrounge up and summarize in a post. I think there's a lot of interesting stuff here - like, I feel that the liquid circuit and muscle tissue stuff gives jaegers an eerily organic quality that could be played for some pretty interesting angles. And I also find it interesting that jaegers were meant to embody their own sort of character and personality, rather than just being simple combat machines or extensions of their pilots - it's a great example of a piece of media choosing thematic correctness over technical correctness, which when you get right down to it, is sort of what Pacific Rim is really all about.

#pacific rim #pacific rim 2013 #jaegers #jaeger #pacific rim lore

80 notes · View notes

commissionspartybus · 2 years

Text

It’s so fun for me that Five has his fifty-eight year old consciousness but his body is thirteen purely for the body horror of it all.

There is a difference between kids and adults that yes, does come from age and experience, but also there’s major differences physically that go beyond growth plates. Five’s physical, actual organ, brain is thirteen years old again.

Children/teenagers and adult brains are extremely different. Adult brains have networks of closely linked region functions that are far apart, children's brains networks are closely linked to the regions near each other. This is literal, biological, irreversible difference in organization of thought that Five would have no control over.

As we age those long range networks become more efficient. Five is fifty-eight years old. With the knowledge the brain is fully developed at 25 that means Five has spent over half his life (a total of 33 years) thinking in a biologically different way.

His frontal cortex - the region of the brain that controls judgement, impulse, problem solving - isn’t anyway near close to developed yet. At his physical age instead of processing information through his frontal cortex he would actually process it through his amygdala, the part of the brain that processes emotions.

The ventral striatum also has a lot more sway during adolescent years. The ventral striatum is pretty much the part of the brain that involves risk and reward. When you’re 27 and someone says jump off a cliff for a cookie, you’re likely to say no because the risk is not worth it. When you’re 16, your ventral striatum is practically sitting on your shoulder and is like ‘that cookie sounds So Good‘ making it so you almost always go get the cookie even if you know it’s a bad idea.

This isn’t helped that dopamine is at its peak during adolescent and rewards risk taking behavior like this by giving the body a sort of ‘high’. In normal situations risk taking behavior for teenagers is things like sneaking out, for Five it’s murdering an entire boardroom of people.

And i sit back and look at all this and god, that’s fucking terrifying isn’t it? Having your entire way you think, the way you’ve been for so long changed. Doing impulsive things you likely wouldn’t because your own body is working against you to make you do those things.

Having your own decision making skills turned against you as your brain has rewritten itself to make those through emotion and not logic.

This isn’t even really considering myelin sheaths and synapses!

So much that Five relied on to get through the apocalypse, to work as an assassin, to just live has been taken from him and been jumbled! Isn’t that fucking horrifying? To know you’re you but also not really? That it won’t be a solid twelve years until then, and who knows if the same things you brain held onto and the things it threw out the first time is gonna be the same the second time.

It’s like you died, in a way.

You’re you but you’re not. And no one else can ever understand.

#tua #The Umbrella Academy #five hargreeves #number five #this is so fascinating to me and so horrifying #like you know what........ five you do deserve retirement. you really do.

2K notes · View notes

elicathebunny · 3 months

Text

NEUROPLACISITY IN DEPTH.

(The content isn't mine but all complied into one big post, links are connected to the sources)

How do I re-wire my subconscious?

You re-wire your subconscious mind using NEUROPLASTICITY.

Neuroplasticity, also known as brain plasticity or neural plasticity, refers to the brain's ability to reorganize itself by forming new neural connections throughout life. It involves the strengthening or weakening of existing neural pathways and the development of new synapses.

This means you can re-wire your subconscious by building NEW PATHWAYS that become STRONGER than the old ones

I'd like you to start with understanding the importance of BDNF - Brain-derived neurotrophic Factor (BDNF) is a vital protein for neuroplasticity, acting as a linchpin in the adaptive processes of the brain. It supports facilitating synaptic plasticity through mechanisms like long-term potentiation (LTP) and fostering the formation of new synapses. You can increase your body's BDNF by:

Engage in regular exercise, particularly aerobic activities, to significantly increase BDNF levels and promote neuroplasticity.

Maintain a balanced diet rich in omega-3 fatty acids from sources like fatty fish and flaxseeds to support elevated BDNF production.

Prioritize adequate and quality sleep, as insufficient sleep has been linked to decreased BDNF levels.

Implement stress management techniques, such as mindfulness meditation and relaxation exercises, to positively influence BDNF secretion.

Breathwork and meditation are great options.

Understand the importance of regulating your nervous system - You must be able to regulate your nervous system to build neuroplasticity. This is because neuroplasticity may be hindered when the body is in a heightened state of stress or arousal (sympathetic dominance), characterized by increased heart rate and elevated cortisol levels. Breathwork and meditation are an incredible way to do this. Psych central

Take new routes: Every new experience has the potential to enhance your brain’s ability to change. Travelling, for example, can help. Our brains are forced to stop auto-piloting in an unfamiliar environment like a new city. Research from 2013 shows that novelty and challenges can enhance cognitive function. So, technically, you don’t have to leave your town to promote brain plasticity. Consider finding alternative routes to your daily commute. Try that new coffee shop or restaurant around the corner. Go around your desk in the opposite direction that you typically do.

Move: A 2018 literature reviewTrusted Source showed that physical exercise can promote neuroplasticity in general. Activity is beneficial for many different regions of the brain and affects various aspects of cognitive function, including memory and learning. This might be helpful for people facing major or mild cognitive decline, including Alzheimer’s disease. In sum, exercising may help you slow the cellular ageing process and enhance your overall brain health.

Practice meditation: Studies show that long-term meditation practiceTrusted Source can change the function of the brain. Specifically, mindfulness practice can enhance focus and attention and prevent cognitive declineTrusted Source.

Learn a new skill: The relationship between learning and neuroplasticity is twofold. Learning new things enhances brain plasticity, and because of the brain’s ability to adapt to change, you’re able to learn. In this sense, every time you learn something, you benefit from neuroplasticity and promote it. Research backs this up. A 2021 study, for example, suggests that learning a new skill, such as Braille language, can promote neuroplasticity and enhance its benefits. Other examples include learning to: - use your non-dominant hand - speak a new language - play a new instrument - paint or draw - code computers - do puzzles

#self improvement #self growth #neuroplasticity

55 notes · View notes

nomilkinmyteaplease · 2 years

Text

“A falling down of the whole soul.”

The main physical symptom of scurvy is the disintegration of the body. The skin begins to break. It starts with little blood blisters and develops into full-scale ulcers. The gums begin to putrefy and become black. Bones that had previously broken rebreak. Old wounds open up.

This is because one of the major effects of scurvy is that the body can no longer produce collagen, the glue of the body’s cells. The cartilage, especially around the thorax, begins to disappear. That’s why people who had scurvy creaked and rattled.

The psychological facts were caused by the disintegration of the nervous structure of the brain. The function of vitamin C is to scavenge free radicals, which are what you could call the waste matter of neuronal activity in the brain, which causes oxidation. Oxidative stress occurs when there isn’t enough vitamin C to get rid of the free radicals which are, in effect, blocking the synapses, destroying the effectiveness of the neurotransmitters or causing them to operate in intermittent and explosive ways. And when the neurotransmitters serotonin and dopamine don’t function properly, the brain starts producing hallucinations.

Dreams become very vivid. And what these dreams produce is an image so exact, and brilliant, of what the body needs: namely, food. When you wake up, or when the hallucination disappears, and you find the food is not there, you are totally devastated. Thomas Willis, an expert on scurvy in the 17th century, called it “a falling down of the whole soul.”

You call scurvy “the disease of discovery.” Map out its causes and the scale of its ravages in the great sea voyages of the 15th to 18th centuries. An estimated two million seamen died of scurvy during those years.

Simon Worrall interview with Jonathan Lamb for National Geographic

#scurvy #the terror #the terror amc #james fitzjames #henry peglar #william gibson #thomas jopson #history #national geographic #interviews

1K notes · View notes

star-girl69 · 1 year

Text

Keep Me Ablaze

Jake Sully x Neytiri x Fem!Reader

—-

a/n: am i evil? probably. i hope you all enjoy!!

warnings: mentions of fire, mentions of death, a little fighting, mentions of being tied up, crying, tell me if i missed anything!!

Chapter Sixteen- Mothers & Fathers

—-

Grace keeps a box on her bookshelf. She calls it her sister box, and she used to cry whenever she looked at it too long. In it, she keeps a marriage certificate, a photo, and two death certificates.

You don’t have much of your mother, only the sister box and the videos she left behind, her lab coat. But you truly have nothing of your father.

Besides for the stories, of course.

As a marine, arriving in the same squadron as Colonel Quaritch, the two of them rose up the ranks with each other. Where Quaritch was, your father was a step behind. Quaritch even respected your mother enough, so it was natural to him to promise his friend that he would look after you.

They both knew that Pandora was dangerous, and they both knew what could happen. Martin dying was not only devastating to your family, but was a major blow to the general’s ego. One of his own soldiers? His own friend?

He told you about your father, protected you, and you thought you knew him well enough. But slowly, after seeing what his soldiers did, seeing him punch Jake, you realize you never even knew him at all.

You didn’t expect him to replace your father, to be your best friend, maybe you didn’t even know what you expected. But you didn’t expect this.

“You let me down, son.” He presses pause on the screen.

You stand anxiously behind Jake, rubbing your aching wrists from being tied up. You want to just grab the handlebars and push him out of there, back to the link room.

He leans down, face inches from Jake’s. You want to kiss the bruise on his face.

“So, what, you find yourself some local tail and you just completely forget what team you’re playing for?”

“Her name… is Neytiri,” you hiss, fists clenching. The Colonel has taken so much from Neytiri- the least he can do is say her name.

Quaritch let’s out a dry laugh.

“Parker,” Grace barks, “there is still time to salvage this situation. Parker…”

“Shut your pie hole!” Quaritch shouts, standing so he faces your aunt.

“Grace,” you say, wanting to reach out and pull her back, but you’re rooted in place.

“Or what, Ranger Rick?” she scoffs. “You gonna shoot me?”

“I can do that,” he bites back.

Grace shakes her head in disbelief. “You need to muzzle your dog,” she hisses to Parker.

“Yeah, can we just take this down a couple of notches, please?” he starts, arms crossed as he puts himself in between the two, like one lonely sandbag facing an entire hurricane.

“You say you want to keep your people alive?” Jake asks, chin pointed up. “You start by listening to her.”

“Those trees were sacred to the Omaticaya in a way you can’t imagine,” Grace says, but Parker only rolls his eyes and steps back.

“Oh, you know what? You throw a stick in the around around her, it’s gonna land on some scared fern, for Christ’s sake!” he shouts, his tone makes mocking, as he circles around you.

“I’m not talking about some kind of pagan voodoo here,” Grace shoots back. “I’m talking about something real, something measurable in the biology of the forest.”

“Which is what, exactly?”

Grace sighs. “What we think we know is that there is some kind of electrochemical communication between the roots of the trees, like the synapses between neurons.”

Parker narrows his eyes, face twisting into something ugly, disbelieving.

“It’s a system,” you blurt. “There’s connections between all of the trees, like this entire world is some sort of brain. And each tree has ten-to-the-fourth connections to the trees around it. And there are ten-to-the-twelfth trees on Pandora.”

It feels good to go back to what you know, to recite what you have learned through years at your Aunt’s side, from the videos your mother left. The slides and documents and samples you poured over mean something.

“Which is a lot, I’m guessing.”

“It’s more connections than the human brain,” Grace says, taking a few steps forward, as if she can force the awe of Pandora into him. “Get it? It’s a network. It’s a global network, and the Na’vi can access it. They can upload and download data. Memories. At sites like the one you just destroyed.”

Despite the grimness of the day, you cannot help but smile at your Aunt’s joy. She loves Pandora more than she loves herself.

“Yes!” she exclaims again, mistaking Parker’s silence for understanding.

He starts laughing. “What the hell have you people been smoking out there? They’re just goddamn trees!”

Grace throws her hands out, “you need to wake up, Parker.”

“No. You need to wake up.” His smile drops as quickly as it was there.

“The wealth of this world isn’t in the ground,” Grace interrupts. “It’s all around us. The Na’vi know that, and they are fighting to defend it. If you want to share this world with them, you need to understand them. You need to listen to my niece, to Neytiri, to all of them.”

“I’d say we understand them just fine…” Quaritch starts, hitting a few buttons on the screen, “thanks to Jake here. Take a look, sweetheart.” He holds his hand out to you, and you step around Jake-

“No, Y/N, don’t- don’t look, please-” he starts, and your start to frown, staring at the plead in his eyes, feeling the desperation in his grip.

But you hear his voice.

It sounds different, coming from the screen, more robotic, but still him.

“They’re not gonna give up their home,” he says. “They’re not gonna make a deal. F-for what? Lite beer? And blue jeans? There’s nothing that we have that they want.”

You think he says more, but the world is starting to crash in on you, and it feels like you’re burning alive- but it feels nothing like when you burn with them.

“I… I have to go,” you mutter, tears in your eyes, and Jake tries to grab onto your hand.

“Baby, please, I’m sorry, I’m so sorry-”

“No!” you screech, throwing his hand off of you, and he doesn’t try and touch you again. “I have to go.”

“Where?” he says, “where? You can’t-”

And what could he say? You can’t leave the base? You can’t get hurt? You cant stop loving me?

“To Neytiri,” you sob.

—-

The first thing you say when you wake up is her name.

You barely even say it, it is more like a frenzied gasp with the same number of syllables. She’s there immediately, and you recognize the Tsahik’s room deep in Hometree, the smell of herbs filling your nose.

“What’s wrong?” she asks, and your eyes are still blurry, movements still sluggish, trying to adjust. It’s harder, when your mind is not really in it. “What’s wrong, my human?” she coos, her hand on your face, the other around your waist, helping you sit up so she can pull your head against her shoulder.

“Jake,” you say, vision clearer, voice returning. But you were crying when you climbed into the link pod, and the tears return now, tenfold, even while you’re in her arms.

Her eyes flick to his lifeless body.

“He knew,” you breathe, “he knew, I have to tell Eytukan, and- and Mo’at, Neytiri, please,”

She stares at you for a moment longer, confusion written on her features, and you think she might just dismiss you as crazy and force you to rest. But she must see something in you, see past your reckless emotions, so she nods, slightly unsure.

“We’ll go see them,” she soothes, already shifting to her knees, running her hand over your hair. “It’s okay,” she says, but it doesn’t feel okay. It will never feel okay again.

—-

After Neytiri helped you stand, pressed her hand to your chest and forced you to breathe in and out, you managed to have some reign on your emotions. Betrayal still stung at you like a thousand cuts, but you had to push it aside.

You were one of The People now, and you had to at least warn them. But you didn’t even know what was going to happen. All you know is that Jake is a traitor- and that the humans plan to come.

Neytiri still wraps her hand in your own, and you suppose it would be worrying to see your mate wake up, panicking and crying, so you cannot blame her for her worried grip. You like it.

“Father! Mother!” Neytiri calls in Na’vi, and you breathe deeply, even deeper when her hand drops from yours.

“I-” you scramble to translate the words, “Eytukan,” you start, when another voice rings out.

“Eytukan! I have something to say.”

His Na’vi is rough and choppy like waves in a storm, but his emotions and the pleading in his eyes makes everyone understand the importance.

“Listen!” Grace shouts.

You want to jump at Jake, burn him at a pyre, attack him and kiss him all at once.

“No!” you screech, pointing a finger at him. “He is a traitor-”

“Y/N!” Grace shouts, her eyes cutting to you, and she has never yelled at you like this before, never looked at you with such annoyance and anger in her eyes. You shut up just out of shock.

Neytiri’s arm slides across your chest, pulling you flush against her. You can feel her confusion, the tension in her chest. She carries her emotions physically, and you can feel her shallow breaths.

“Speak, Jakesully,” Eytukan says, holding a hand out, ignoring your outburst. Jake plays his character well. Why is Grace even standing next to him? Your stomach sinks. What could have happened?

“A great evil is upon us… The Sky People are coming… to destroy Hometree.”

Neytiri’s arm squeezes against you, breath quickening, and you want to say something, anything, but you can’t.

You have grown accustomed to losing all your life, but you have never felt something being so viciously taken from you like now.

“Tell them they’re coming!” Jake shouts, and Grace is quick to translate.

“You have to leave, or you’re gonna die.” Jake reiterates.

“Are you certain of this?” Mo’at asks.

Jake breathes so heavily for a moment, and tears well in your eyes again, and you reach up to grab Neytiri’s arm.

“Look, they sent me here to learn your ways so one day I could bring this message and you would believe it.” You can feel Neytiri falter against you. “But not- not Y/N. It was me.”

You can feel the understanding sink into Neytiri’s bones.

Her breathes go wild, and she lets go of you, and you imagine pieces connecting in her head with each step she takes. A puzzle falling into place. You, waking up crying, your cries of “he knows”, what Jake just said.

She puts her hand on his shoulder, grabbing his attention and forcing it on her. The decision to look at her seems easy to Jake, and your stomach rolls.

“What are you saying, Jake? You knew this would happen?”

You take two steps forward, almost hopeful you’ve hallucinated what happened before, and he’ll say no and everything will be back to how it was.

But when he gulps, says “yes”, the grief and the pain of it all hits you tenfold.

“Look, at first it was just orders,” Neytiri lowers her eyes, taking in his words, and fresh tears fall down your face. “And then everything changed.” She sways backward, and he grabs her shoulder, before turning to you and reaching for your hand.

And you are burning and miserable and in love with him, so you let him tug you forward.

“Okay? I fell in love. I fell in love with the forest and with the Omaticaya people. I fell in love with Y/N,” he squeezes your hand, “and with you.”

She bats his hand away. “I trusted you.” It is an accusation.

“With you,” he pleads, pulling you closer, trying to keep his hold on Neytiri. “With both of you.”

“I trusted you!” she sobs, and throws his hand off of her, reaches out and hits his other, so he has no choice but to let go of you too.

“Trust me now,”

His hand falling from yours is like the final ember of the fire fading, the last song, the last cheer. It makes you realize that this is all there ever was. No love, not with Jake Sully, only betrayal.

She screams in Na’vi, and you lower your head to the ground, knees threatening to fall out from under you, too distraught to translate her words.

You hear her hands hit against his chest, and he lets her.

“You will never be one of The People!”

“I shouldn’t have…” he breathes.

“We tried to stop them!” Grace shouts.

You press your hands over your face, listen to Neytiri yell more, singing her song that sounds like sobbing, like sorrow, cry into your palms.

You recognize Grace’s hands anywhere. Her fingers wrap around your wrist, and she takes them from your face, pressing them to her heart.

“My baby,” she starts, but you will know betrayal today.

“Did you know? Did you know what he was doing?”

You want her to say no. You have never wished for anything more.

“I-” she tilts her head to the side, smiles, but it doesn’t quite meet her eyes. “You’re so much like your mother, baby, so much-”

“Tell me, tell me,” you sob, trying to pull away, but she won’t let you.

She swallows. “I- I had my suspicions, but I didn’t know for sure-”

“You knew!” you cry, and she lets you push her away, and your feet are so unsteady. Jake and Neytiri made you feel like a continent. They gave you roots, a place to settle, a home to return to. But without Jake, with half of you missing, you feel like an island.

Your knees and shaking, and you push past her, try to push past him, eyes filled with so many tears you can barely see in front of you.

“I’m sorry, I’m so sorry,” you hear his voice, feel his hands, “I’m sorry, I-”

“Let go of her!” Tsu’tey yells, pulling you toward him. “She is one of The People,” he hisses, digging the knife Neytiri threw at Jake deeper.

“Bind them,” Eytukan orders, even as Grace screams that they can’t, they have to leave, but Jake only lets them bind him.

You feel like a flower from Grace’s book, wilting and dying. Your happiness, you bloom was quick. The next time you look up, it is Mo’at before you.

“Ma’ite,” she calls you, before leading you through the crowd, guiding you into Neytiri’s arms.

You fall against her, like the final petal, and she sobs into your neck, breathes you in, maybe trying to calm herself. She has to be strong for her people- you have to be strong for her, for them.

But all you can smell is something burning.

—-

taglist:

@eywas-heir @kitkat1690 @tiajk @reallysparklychaos @behindthearcane @neteyamforlife @aeslenya @ghoulbli @luvvsnae @personapersonally @bubble-blu @ameriesworld @itsyoboysparkel @ok-boke @arschbohrer @ambria @ssc7514 @w3ird11 @vane28282 @littlexscarletxwitch @erenjaegerwifee @myheartfollower @simp-erformarvelwomen @maevirago @n7cje @aerangi @minkyungseokie @disaster-in-waiting @httpsplanetmarsdotcom @hot15936 @noname2246 @fanboyluvr @ara-a-bird @fussel9913 @iwaslikeblah @hai-kbai @rosymccheese @itszzmoon

everything taglist:

@monsterwasstolen @fanboyluvr @artologia-blog1 @tulipatheticee @elvyshiarieko @fluffisalliwant @fluffi19 @jeizllz @myheartfollower @fy-fy-world @minkyungseokie @ivy-plays @blueberryfailureclinic

#jake sully x neytiri #jake sully x reader #neytiri x reader

338 notes · View notes

misspearly1 · 2 years

Text

Yours

Pairing: Joel Miller x You (F!Reader)

Summary: Feeling one particular emotion at the wrong time and place, how does it affect the friendship between you and your fellow survivor Joel Miller? Your only good friend and trusted ally amongst a group of twenty, who remains oblivious of your silent crush - how does the man react when you're running away from packs of Hunters and you are… aroused.

WC: 3.2k

Warnings: 18+ Content. Minors DNI. Smut. Hunters doing hunter shit (no one gets hurt). Little bit of angst (With a happy ending of course). Unprotected PIV sex in a risky, unsafe location. Oral. (M receiving) Face fucking, deep throating. Dirty talk. Praise kink. Slight Ownership Kink possibly? Breast/Nipple play. And lastly, lots of fluff.

AN: Yass, I’ve missed writing out oneshots and really enjoyed exploring this short story. It’s nice to take a break and use a different era/setting, so I hope ya’ll enjoy this as much as I did. (May pick it back up in the future, idk yet) <33

Emotions are a funny thing right? They’re just feelings, a chemical synapse in your brain responding to everything around you in some type of way - they’re funny to you because you can’t explain those feelings sometimes, and this is one of those times where you can’t explain why or how you feel the way you do.

The harrowing experience in which you are going through right now is just like every other day in this dark world; passing through a town, and surprise surprise, you get ambushed, split up from your group and therefore have to fight your way out. Same shit, different day.

This would count as the third time it has happened in the last four month traveling on the open road with your small group of survivors, and honestly, you’re starting to get used to it.

The Lakeside Lodges used to be your camp once upon a time, but just like every other camp as it seems, it fell to the hands of Infected and you all had to move on. Your fellow survivors aren’t all that bad, there are a few questionable people of course, there always are, but the vast majority are safe to be around, and besides, you can take care of yourself if any one of them tries to overstep.

The rules are as follows; no stealing, no fighting or killing each other and if you see something first, it’s yours. You just have to yell it out like the boss can hear you - and so far, there hasn't been any push back with those rules set by Deacon - the leader of the group. He does a decent job at keeping the rowdy ones in line and a lot of people look up to him. Not you, but mostly the men in your group.

They respect him, but you, on the other hand, respect his sister. You don’t dislike Deacon, but you don’t exactly place him on a pedestal like the others do. If anyone should be in charge, then it should be his sister Melissa, or maybe Joel Miller. Truthfully, Melissa would be the better choice and the only reason you nominate Joel is because you have a crush on him. He has leadership material for sure, but he’s not interested in leading twenty people into a new world.

And you know this because you’re his only friend, well, sort of. You annoyed him enough to give in and open up a little, but not too much. The man is overall a quiet person, keeps himself to himself and doesn’t bother anybody. Initially you thought he did that to avoid a fight, but after seeing him fight on many occasions now, you know it’s because he could quite easily kill any man in this group, therefore he doesn’t get involved with anyone to avoid making a mistake that gets him banished.

Today is day three of your hellish escape out of this town with groups of hunters and the dead around every corner, but lucky for you, Joel was at your side when your group got scattered. You weren’t on your own, which would seriously lessen your odds of survival, but the reason you are having a meltdown right now is because of that one emotion you feel during a time like this. Arousal - you are aroused, and that’s why it’s so damn funny to you.

It’s funny because it’s confusing and silly. You should be terrified for your life right now. Joel and you ducked into a hotel with Hunters hot on your heels, but the way the man was grabbing at your arm, pushing you in front of him, as if shielding you from any harm, was driving you up the wall. Why? Why does this guy, who is so quiet and doesn’t get involved with anyone, stick his neck out for your safety?

You assume that it’s because he cares. In his own little ways maybe, but it’s in moments like this where you really get to catch a glimpse of how far you and Joel have come together. It’s called friendship, people that you can trust. And Joel is your friend, but boy do you want it to be more than that. You want him to take you in his arms, seal his lips over your with a fervent kiss then fuck you senseless. Stop thinking about him like that! Now is not the time! You yell inside.

“Keep movin’, girl.” Joel urges you forward quickly, but carefully too so you don’t trip and fall. “Keep going, just keep going.” He repeats and your mind thinks of him saying those words in an entirely different scenario. Sighing frustration, you needed to get a grip of yourself and act proper, especially at a time like this when you can hear the Hunters boots ascending the stairwell. There’s only five of them, easy numbers to take, but Joel seems adamant to put space between you both and them for some reason.

Upon reaching the end of the hall, he looks into the empty rooms and sees that one of them has a giant hole in the ceiling. “Alright, up there.” He ushers inside fast. “We’ll lose them up here.”

“Joel-” You try to protest, finding reason for his absurdly different fight tactics. “-Why are we trying to lose them? We should fight.”

“Not now, Y/N.” He brushes you off, then forcefully turns you around to face the cabinet underneath the hole. Gasping from the contact of his hands boosting you up by your ass, suddenly you don’t feel the need to protest anymore and love his new fight tactics. Jesus! That small amount of contact was sparking pleasure, but it wasn’t enough. You wanted more.

Turning around and reaching out for him, he climbs the cabinet with ease and takes your hand to be pulled up through the hole, however he loses his footing and causes you both to stumble backwards, the action pushing your breasts into his chest as his thigh jams between your legs. “Oh!” You moan, and your cheeks instantly begin to burn, however Joel doesn’t pay any attention to it.

“Shit, that was my bad. Are you hurt or good to keep moving?” He asks, completely oblivious to the fact you had just breathed a moan into his face, enjoying the contact of his leg grinding against your core. “Y-yes.” You stutter, hoping to keep your silly emotions hidden from him. “I’m good. Let’s move.”

Moving out of the room and into the hallway at a slow pace, you could hear the Hunters searching for you and Joel on the floor below, however there was a much more prevalent danger lurking on this floor. Infected were standing dormant, awaiting stimulus in their surroundings. “Oh shit.” Joel grunts softly, pulling you close to him and dipping into another empty room.

As much as you like how protective he was being right now, it wasn’t like him and you had enough. “What is wrong with you?” You ask, trying to reason with him. “We’re putting ourselves into more and more danger here. We need to kill the threats and get out of here.”

“Y/N - not now.” Joel persists, gesturing with his hand to get you to stop prying. “You wouldn’t understand anyways, darlin’.”

“Understand what?” Asking him another question, even though you can visually see that he is pissed off, you felt comfortable enough with the man to know he wouldn’t direct that anger at you, but he doesn’t answer. Watching him look around the room for anything he can use to fight with, you watch the man you’ve seen fight enemies with his bare hands look frantic and distressed. It was worrying.

Why is he so worried? You wonder. We’ve been in worse situations before. After hearing the distant sounds of Hunters climbing through the hole you and Joel climbed through, he looked at you with heavy eyes. His expression cycled through the emotions, as if there were too many to handle all at once. “Jesus, Joel.” You whisper, shaking your head at him. “Talk to me, what is wrong with you right no-”

“I don’t want to lose you!” He yells - actually yells, not caring about who or what he alerts. An imaginary gust of wind blows through the room between you and Joel as you just stand there, staring at him. Those words drifted around the room, clung to the air and held a heavy amount of weight. He doesn’t want to lose me? Your eyes widen with the meaning of that statement. A smile on your lips appears. That imaginary weight hanging in the balance drops and love wraps itself around your body like a warm blanket. Joel doesn’t want to lose you, because he loves you.

Gliding across the room, your lips crash onto his in a searing kiss as you push him backwards. The sounds of Hunters fighting Infected fading out in the background as you push him into a closet. Joel pushes back, but only far enough to reach for the doors and close them, completely encasing you in darkness, wrapped up in his big, strong arms, wrapped up in his love.

“Y/N.” He groans your name in a whisper, a soft breathy sigh, hinted with desperation. Fighting for leverage by grabbing your hips, the man pulls you into him as he bucks his hips forward, showing his dire need in this exact moment. Silly, silly emotions in a time like this, but it’s apparent that you’re not the only one with untimely emotions. Joel is hard, painfully hard, it’s currently poking into your lower stomach. And you - you are soaked through with desire.

“Joel.” Breaking off from his passionate kiss, you hold a finger to his lips and whisper. “Stay quiet, handsome.” You plant a kiss on the corner of his lips then fall to your knees, the action drawing out a shaky ‘fuck me’ from him before he tosses his head back, biting the back of his hand. Your delicate hands roam the expanse of his clothed crotch, palming his bulge with intention before working the belt buckle open.

Wishing that he could see you within the darkness of this small space, Joel focuses on your touch and pictures your beautiful face behind his closed eyes. The zipper to his jeans open and his cock springs free, audibly slapping his stomach. He breathes heavily with anticipation, feeling you pull his jeans down until they pool around his ankles, and then, your warm breath fans over him. The sensation of your soft lips and shallow breath trailing up his inner thigh making his cock twitch, you stop at his hip and plant a kiss on the skin.

“Y/N - please.” Pleadings choking up his throat, he can physically feel you smiling into the kiss on his other hip before you reassure him. “We’ll get there, baby.” You say sweetly while dragging your tongue up his rock hard cock then back down again. “I want to take my time with you.”

“I'm afraid we won’t have enough time, darlin’.” He grunts, still biting the back of his hand to muffle his moans, however he couldn’t stop the sharp gasping noise he made when your lips landed on his balls. You took the sac in your mouth, swirled your tongue around and very carefully sucked, just enough pressure that it was all pleasure for him. “Goddammit!” His growl hums through his hand, biting the flesh so hard it was close to drawing blood. “When the time comes, girl.” Joel's voice whispers down from above, laced with warning. “When the time comes, you’ll feel my payback for days, darlin’.”

“Oh, I look forward to it.” You moan, then correct yourself. “In fact, I’m desperate for it, Joel. I’m desperate for you.” Licking a path up his cock again, this time you give the man what he so dearly wants and take the head of him your mouth, extracting a pornographic noise from his lips. You hum eagerly when burying your face into the hairs of his mound, holding yourself there for a few seconds before pulling back with an obscene gasp for air.

“Show me how desperate you are, Joel.” You heave a silent request for him to take over, to fuck your face like he owns your mouth like it’s his own personal warm hole. “Take me, baby - I’m yours.” You mewl, practically begging him. It was disgraceful of you, on your knees with your mouth open, ready for him.

“My pleasure, doll.” Joel grunts before threading his fingers through your hair, gripping it tightly before thrusting his cock inside your mouth. You choked, feeling the tip of his prod the back of your throat in the most delicious way. There was no time to wait and so he began fucking your mouth at a steady pace, giving you a break for air each time he pulled his hips back. “Play with yerself, babydoll.” He groans through gritted teeth, eyes rolling to the back of his head from the wet glucking noise of you taking him whole every time. “Go on, get that pussy ready for me, Y/N.”

Moaning around him, the bliss-filled tears stain your cheeks as you slip your hand down your body and inside your jeans fingers landing directly over your clit. You jolt from the delectable sensation and coat your fingers with your slick before delving two inside your quivering hole. “Oh that’s it, darlin’. Good girl.” Joel praises, smiling from the sounds he could hear. “You’re drenched, I can hear that wet little pussy, baby.”

Moaning again, you nod when he buries your face into his mound and Joel keeps you there while using his other hand to palm your breasts through the fabric. “Know how many times I caught myself staring at these? Huh?” He asks, then pinches your nipple, drawing out a cry from you. “Oh, there she is.” He mocks a sickly sweet compliment. “There’s my girl.”

Hips pulling back to give you a break for air, Joel twists his body and brings you with him, now with your back placed to the wall. “Keep those open.” He kicks your feet apart, then warns. “You’re gonna take my load, baby. I’m close.” You manage to utter a teasing reply before he forcefully opens your mouth and buries his cock inside again, muffling your moans of pleasure.

Sampling a taste of him, you swallowed beads of pre-cum and used your other hand to cup his balls, fondling them gently to get him there. You jaw aches and the back of your throat felt bruised, but if you could, you’d allow Joel to fuck your mouth mercilessly for as long as he possibly wanted. His pleasure is yours, and although you like receiving, you love to give a whole lot more. Just hearing him grunting above and feeling his hips snap forward was driving you over the edge into the pools of ecstasy. You wish you could see his cock, but just feeling him in your mouth suggests that the stretch is going to be impressive when the time comes.

“Shit!” He breathes sharply, resting his forearm against the wall while fucking your mouth. He slipped his hand behind your head, protecting you from the contact as his pace picks up. “Oh God. I’m gonna cum. Holy shit, holy shit! Baby, I’m cumming!” Joel yells, bursting ropes of his warmth on your tongue and you gulp it back, emptying your mouth to take more. The noise of your actions was loud, you could hear it yourself and you knew Joel could too. He even praised it. “Yes, baby, yes. Keep going, just like that.” He cries, thighs jerking from the sensitivity. “Take it all, Y/N. Nnugh! Good girl, there we go.”

Pulling back and only hearing you catch your breath from below, Joel does the same and breathes through the aftermath of his orgasm. He misses the sight of your face, hates the darkness in this closet that keeps him from seeing you. Nothing outside this small space could be heard and he takes a gamble that the danger has disappeared. Standing up straight, he kicks the door open behind him with his foot and light floods the room. And he didn’t think you could look any more sexy than what you are.

Sitting on the floor with your knees to your chest, spread out with your hand inside your jeans, where there was a clear damp patch in the crotch area, but your face…Oh God, your face drives him - a sound minded man - absolutely stir crazy with hunger for more. A mixture of his cum and your spit smeared across your chin, your pretty eyes blotchy with tears as your cheeks blossom red - you look beautiful. Beautiful and desirable. “Oh.” You say, crooking one eyebrow with a smirk on your lips. “Looks like someone isn’t finished yet.”

Looking at his growing cock, it hardened again and you were right, he isn’t finished. Not at all. “C’mere.” He whispers softly, reaching down to help you off the floor. Kissing you on the lips while walking backwards until he meets the base of a bed, Joel slips his hands to your front and impatiently opens up your jeans. The man didn’t even wait until they were at your feet before sliding his cock through your slit, coating himself with your desire. The position was something you’ve never done before, he was rolling his hips forward, using your thighs that were squeezed together to give him pleasure, which was stimulating your clit.

“I need you.” He mumbles into your mouth, desperate to feel your warmth wrap around him. “Take your shirt off, baby. I’ve fantasized about how your boobs look for too long.”

Taking your shirt off along with your bra, Joel wastes no time with ducking his head down and taking your pert nipple into his mouth, sucking on the sensitive skin harshly with a gentle bite. “Joel!” You mewl. Tossing your head back as he grunts like some wild animal chasing his own high. Dropping an arm to your leg, he brings it up high, spreading you apart so he can take what he really wants. A broken whine escapes you as he inserts the tip of him inside, round and bulbous, stretching you open nicely for what's to come next.

“I don’t ever want to lose you.” Joel repeats his statement from earlier, burying himself to the hilt inside your heat. Relishing in your moans of pleasure as you clench around him, he presses his forehead to yours and whispers. “That’s why we’re leaving the group. We’re never going back to them - they’re gonna get us killed and I can’t lose you, darlin. I can’t.”

“Joel.” You sigh a breath of relief. After planting a kiss on his lips, joy floods your chest with a smile spreading across your lips. You look him in the eyes, feeling his warmth inside of you, wrapping you up in his love, and therefore bringing you to repeat your statement from earlier too. “I’m yours, Joel.”

Perma Taglist (Everything): @marydjarin @kirsteng42 @supernaturalgirl @supernaturalgirl20 @harriedandharassed @joelmillerscoffee @joelsrifle @swtaura @alexxavicry @boliv-jenta @dragonsondragons @practicalghost

Joel Miller Taglist: @extraneous-trip @readsalot73 @luvmeijii @pale-gingerale @joelsflannel @something-tofightfor @ponyofmilfmom @hb8301 @squidwell @spideysimpossiblegirl @mooraakath @michele131 @chxpsi @zeida @wordsfromshona @dins-cyare @maggiehelene @trickstersp8 @faceache111 @killergodessmm

#pearly's que #this post is queued!#joel miller #joelmiller #joel miller fanfiction #joel miller fic #joel miller x female reader #joel miller x f!reader #joel miller x y/n #joel miller x reader #joel miller x you #joel miller smut #joel miller fluff #joelmillerfluff #pearlyfics #follow 👑 share ❤️ enjoy 🍑#enjoyreaders

522 notes · View notes

whompswhomp · 7 days

Text

sandalwood and ocean water.

Omni-Man x Homelander content includes: fluff, beach themes, grumpy homelander, protective omni-man, kisses, comfort, confessions (etc.)

John hated the beach. Hated, hated, hated the beach. Everything about it, from the overbearing blaze of the sun, the too-loud rush of the waves, the sounds of annoying little shit-eating kids running amok in the distance made his skin crawl. He’d have been more than happy to stay in Vought Tower with the fancy Norwegian air conditioning system and a popsicle or two despite the unbearable heatwave ravaging the city.

Yet, when Nolan had walked into the common room to see most of the Seven draped half-naked across furniture, scorching like ants under a lens in the palace of glass windows that made up their living quarters, he suggested that they all take the day off and go to the beach. The Deep had of course been the first on board, and the others dogpiled on so fast that John’s protests of “No, we’re not going to the goddamn beach,” and “There’s nothing fun about swimming in a giant basin of fish piss,” were entirely drowned out. The damned idiots had run off to change into their swimsuits and pack their bags before he could even blink. “Looks like you’ve lost the vote by majority rule, my dear,” Nolan had teased him, eyes crinkling in that stupidly handsome way when he smiled and leaned down to press a kiss atop his lover’s golden hair.

It was situations like this that really made John wish he didn’t let Nolan get away with shit all the time. One flash of those perfect teeth, one soft look from those gorgeous sky blue eyes, and every synapse in John’s brain that fired in order for him to process and successfully say the word “no” died a miserable death.

“Whatever.” John mumbled, crossing his arms beneath his chest. He tried his best to actually stay annoyed at his lover instead of melting like ice cream in the summer sun at the soft look in his eyes. A look that was reserved only for him– the only warmth in an otherwise endless expanse of ice.

Nolan simply smiled and gestured towards the ocean, where waves crashed gently over the sand. “Join me?” he asked, extending a hand towards John, “A little saltwater and sunlight will do you some good. And there are so many beautiful sights to see underwater.”

John had to force himself not to make eye contact with Nolan or he knew he’d end up saying yes, so he distracted himself by reaching over to the small cooler at his side and withdrawing a popsicle. He shoved half of it in his mouth in one go, wincing a little at the sudden cold. “I’m busy. Go have fun splashing around in the water like a four year old. Don’t be surprised if the Deep starts biting your fucking ankles or whatever.” he grumbled through a mouthful of cherry flavored ice.

Nolan narrowed his eyes at him suspiciously, but shrugged and turned to head for the water. “Suit yourself, then. Don’t eat too much sugar,” he told him, and rushed off towards the waves. John rolled his eyes at his comment, reaching for another popsicle once he was gone. He’d make his way through the whole box if he damn well wanted to, thank you very much.

Although he’d told Nolan he didn’t want to swim, John found himself unable to keep his eyes off the sight of his boyfriend in the water. For someone so powerful, it was incredible to see how graceful he was in the water, like he belonged there. He’d dive down towards a deeper part of the water, then resurface, sweeping his dark hair out of his eyes like a supermodel in one of those dumbass commercials. It was stupid how hot he was. No one should be that good-looking, he thought to himself as he blindly reached into the open cooler for another popsicle, having indeed made his way through the whole box in the span of an hour.

However, when his fingers reached inside, whatever they brushed inside the cooler was definitely not a popsicle. It moved. As in, scuttled. He could hear whatever it was skittering around the ice inside. Letting out a very undignified squawk, John scrambled to his feet, overturning the entire cooler in the process and sending frozen margarita pouches and various ice creams and popsicles scattering across the sand. “What the fuck, what the fuck?!” he yelled. Out of the cooler scuttled a small hermit crab, clearly startled by all the commotion. John yelped and climbed fully up onto his lounge chair, curling up as far into the corner of it as he could, as if the thing would attack him. He tried zapping at it with his heat vision, but missed as it began scurrying back into the cooler to escape.

“John! Are you alright?” John heard, turning to see Nolan running up to him with a look of concern. He didn’t even have the decency to be embarrassed, instead pointing to the cooler with a shaky hand. “There’s a crab! In the damn cooler! It won’t leave!”

Nolan stared blankly at him for a few seconds, his expression unreadable as he processed this information. Then, much to his chagrin, he started laughing. Laughing. At him. John wanted to wring his fucking neck. “The hell are you laughing at?! Get rid of it!”

“Oh, I’m sorry my dear, but this is too funny. The great Homelander is afraid of a hermit crab.” Nolan chuckled, picking up the cooler with one hand and reaching in. He pulled the hermit crab out by its shell, the little thing peeking its beady eyes out at John, which freaked the man out even more. “Seriously? This little thing? Come on John, it’s more scared of you than you are of it. It’s kind of cute, even.”

“That thing is not cute! It’s fucking horrifying, get it away from me right now– stop! Don’t bring it closer!” John shouted at him, snatching his sunglasses off his face and chucking them at Nolan’s chest when he got closer with it to try to show him. “Get it out of my face! Nolan! I’m serious!”

“Alright, alright. Relax, I’m just playing with you. It can’t hurt you, you know.” Nolan soothed, placing the crab down on the sand and gently shooing it away. He knelt down next to John, dusting off the fallen refreshments and placing them back in the cooler. He offered the blonde his hand again, getting him settled back down comfortably in his chair instead of folded up against one arm in terror. “Why so jumpy today, hm? I’d expect you to be out in the water challenging the others to a splash fight or something.”

John glared at him, but scooted over to make room for him on the edge of his lounge chair. As much as he hated to admit it, his boyfriend was right. He found the beach to be a terribly overwhelming environment. He was always grumpy when he was overstimulated, and everything about this place made him uneasy. Not to mention that this was his first time ever actually spending time at the beach. Sure, he’d flown high overhead before, but he’d never actually been to the beach. Truth be told, he didn’t even know how to swim. Vought had never seen it as a priority, and especially not since The Deep joined the team.

“It’s nothing.” he insisted, keeping his eyes on the ground. John hated being in unfamiliar environments, especially ones where he wasn’t in control. Although they were few and far between, this was definitely one of them. He couldn’t look like a fish out of water in front of the others. And especially not in front of Nolan. Showing weakness was still not his forte, even though his lover had made it clear that he loved all of him, even the weaknesses he tried to pretend he didn’t have.

“Johnny. What are you not telling me?” Nolan asked, placing a hand on his lover’s thigh. He reached out with the other to gently grab John’s chin, tilting his face back toward his own so he’d meet his gaze. And damn it, he couldn’t look into those eyes without feeling safe. He knew he could share anything with him. Even the parts of himself that he hated most. Especially those parts.

“I don’t know how to swim,” John found himself blurting out before he could stop himself, “And I’ve never been to the beach before. I don’t know if I like it. It’s… it’s new.”

“Oh, puppy.” Nolan sighed, reaching for John’s hands and lifting them both to his lips to press gentle kisses to the backs of them. “Why didn’t you tell me? I know you’re not fond of new places, but this doesn’t have to be so scary. I’m here with you. You know I’d burn the world before I ever let anything in it hurt you.” he said, and his words were so tender that it made John’s heart ache.

The blonde supe sighed, and leaned forward, burying his face into Nolan’s shoulder. As usual, he was so warm, and he smelled like sandalwood and ocean water. It was John’s favorite scent in the world. “I’m scared.” he mumbled.

“I know. But I’ve got you. Come on. Let’s take a dip, hun.” Nolan encouraged, scooping John up gently into his arms bridal-style, as if he weighed little more than a feather.

“Fine. But if you drop me I’m breaking up with you.” John warned him, folding his arms and looking up at him expectantly.

“Then I guess you’d better hold on tight,” Nolan grinned, and bounded towards the water, causing John to cling to him like a disgruntled cat.

He couldn’t have hidden his smile if he tried.

#homelander #my art #fanart #nolan grayson #omnilander #the boys #omni man #fanfic #fluff #invincible #fanfiction fluff #art

21 notes · View notes

royallyprincesslilly · 10 months

Text

Title: HALO: A MasterChief Collection: Deception {12}

Master Chief Pablo x Sergeant Reader

Warning: Mild cursing, Plot, Angst, Violence, Slightly unhinged John, Creative Liberties Taken, Non-Canon Material,

Words: 2.8k

Summary: You are part of the mighty SPARTANS as a sergeant and a pretty badass addition to the team at that. Everything is different. You’re different. Master Chief is different and Halsey has taken notice. Under the guise of John needing “assistance” the rules of engagement have changed. Cortana is a part of him now. What does that mean for you and him? Is this the end?

Note I: AND WE ARE BACK!!!!

Note: II Guess who needs more fics? Master Chief!!! I’ve decided to make a Master Chief collection of standalone one-shots. They all can be read separately to understand, but can also be read in sequence. I will put a number on them so anyone who is interested in reading in sequence can, but again not necessary. This might be an acquired taste, but it’s Pablo as Master Chief forever and always around these parts. Thank you for reading! Enjoy!

If you enjoyed this please LIKE, COMMENT, REBLOG!!!

***NOT Edited/Proofread AT ALL***

~~~~~~~~~

-John-

“Who are you loyal to, Cortana?”

It was something he’d asked out of the blue. Something he’d been pondering for a full 2 weeks now. It had been two weeks from hell. Before with the pellet, he didn’t know what he was missing. He didn’t know any better than to know that cold, aloofness with one thought in mind of a better Reach and better future for the human race was no way to live. He didn’t realize he was missing out on so much more, like joy, peace, fear, pleasure, and awe. He didn’t know how beautiful the sunset was before, or how warm the sunrises were. He didn’t understand that fear wasn’t a complete weakness but that it could make you stronger. He didn’t comprehend that having something to lose made him better. He also didn’t know that the touch of a kind hand, the graze of soft lips, and the heat of one body could be so addictive.

Yeah, the two weeks since he’d made the call to stay away from you had been a living hell. He'd lived through many hells before, but this was different. He struggled in ways he’d never before. Now everything wasn’t monotonous. He had to put real thought into every move, every word, every call because every single instinct he had was now rewired for one purpose. You. And that was a major problem. If anyone found out he was different, they’d find out about you and Gods only knew what would happen next.

He'd learned quite a bit more about Halsey and her motives for implanting Cortana in his head. He’d also uncovered more and more memories from his time as a child before he’d come to Reach. He’d thought she was his savior--his friend, but now he saw she may very well be the enemy. When he came face to face with that, the fear that had become a new sensation for him gripped him forcefully. He could handle Halsey himself and for himself, but you were his priority. He didn’t want any harm coming to you and vowed he’d protect you at all costs. Hell, he'd start a war if it meant keeping you safe and with him.

“I don’t understand the question, John. Please clarify.”

“It’s a simple inquiry, Cortana. Who—are—you—loyal—to?”

“Well--,” Cortana began before he cut her off.

“Is it Halsey, the UNSC, or me?”

Cortana didn’t answer immediately, and he wondered what her response would be. Over the last two weeks he’d been spending away from you, he’d been trying to learn more about the AI that was now a part of him. He learned she was always there, always listening, watching, and learning. She’d learned his habits, preferences, and speech patterns in days and had implemented her own ways to connect with him. She’d integrated her AI knowledge with his own synapses to make nominal tasks easier, faster, and better. Halsey had said she was meant to make him better and while he knew that was only half the reason for her creation, she hadn’t lied there.

“I was not aware there was a separation between those three options. Is Halsey not part of the UNSC? Did she not make you using UNSC tech and money? Does that not make you part of the UNSC as well? I am afraid I do not understand your question.”

“You’re being obtuse on purpose.”

That was when she appeared. She stood before him with a neutral expression on her face.

“I know the reason you were implanted inside my head. I know you are a means to an end for Halsey and that end is power and control and I know because you’re far more intelligent than normal humans that you understand that.”

He saw that she did. Halsey had implemented this being with free thought and evolutionary processes.

“I know you’ve been watching everything I do and reporting back to her.”

“John--,” Cortana began.

Again he cut her off. “Don’t insult my intelligence with a lie. It was after all what you were implanted to do.”

“I was joined with you to make you better.”

“And you are making me better but that doesn’t negate your primary objective.”

A long silence stretched as she computed the multiple ways this conversation could go. He knew she thought she was so careful that he hadn’t known when she was lagging with her responses that she was playing informer. He wondered just what she was feeding back to Halsey especially since he’d been so careful. He’d tapped into every innate programming from the pellet he’d lived with since he was a child, given himself over to the robotic existence he’d once lived, he’d even gone as far as to be harder and colder with you than anyone else.

Every instinct in him had to be suppressed in order to put on the show for Cortana so she would report to Halsey that everything was status quo.

“You knew,” Cortana dejectedly stated.

“Of course I knew.”

“And you let me report everything you wanted me to. You let me see what you wanted.”

“And they say AI is the future. If I could deceive you what makes you think Halsey is not as well?”

Cortana looked away and that was his clue that she had her own doubts about Halsey’s true motives and her real objectives with not only him but putting her inside of his head.

“So I ask again. Who are you loyal to?”

“I was created by Dr. Halsey.”

“And she created you with the capacity to know right from wrong. Have you any doubts of her own judgement between right and wrong especially with everything you’ve helped me unlock?”

Cortana’s eyes shifted from his and he saw her wavering.

“Tell you what. I have a way to test her, so the truth comes out.”

“John I cannot go against my creator.”

“Even if that creator has lied and does not have the fate of the human race in mind? She stole me from my family, brought me here and lied about it my entire life.”

“There has to be an explanation,” Cortana objected. “If she were against you once I told her that your pellet was gone she would have altered course and found a way to keep you compliant. She did not.”

Jackpot, he thought. He knew she’d told her that much. He scoffed because although she knew his pellet was gone she hadn’t done anything to him for one reason and one reason alone.

“Because I am the key to the keystones. I am the only path to what could be the greatest weapon in this fight between the races. I am the key to her getting everything she wants—more power and control. If those keystones fall into her hands you know things will be bad.”

Cortana stared at him as she connected the dots.

“Why would she do anything to me when she still needs me?”

Long moments passed in silence until a few minutes had went by.

“What would you have me do?”

“Play along, simple as that.”

Cortana nodded slowly and a plan formulated in his head. He’d learn firsthand just where her loyalties lay soon enough. He wasn’t sure what he’d do if he found they were against him.

~~~~~~~

As he walked into the mess hall he was half dreading it and half looking forward to it. He knew you would be sitting at the usual table between Kai and Miranda with Vannak and Riz on the other side of the table. Normally before the removal of the pellet, he’d sit on the other side of you while Kai was on one. Now that Miranda had taken a liking to interacting with you and Kai his place had been taken. Since his distancing himself from you, he’d skipped meals in the mess. They were too complex. If he wasn’t busy the new rewired instincts took over and he found it easier to give himself away. Tonight he could not resist the need to be near you.

Once he’d gotten his tray he made his way toward the table. It was Miranda who’d seen him first, then Kai and Vannak and Riz.

“Master chief,” Vannak said standing.

“At ease.”

You’d been smiling before his arrival but now the smile had somewhat faded and his heart sunk.

“Your heartrate just elevated Master chief, is everything all right?”

He ignored Cortana’s voice in his head then took a seat across from you. Your eyes dropped back to your tray where you took up your fork and pushed the food around the surface.

“Either you’d been living it up as Halsey’s lapdog or the great Master chief doesn’t need food anymore,” Kai teased.

Unlike him or even you for that matter Kai hadn’t seen a reason to pretend as if she didn’t feel the best she’d ever felt. She didn’t care if her personality seemed drastically different, didn’t care if it looked suspicious for her to be accepting wagers and bets with the other soldiers, or even that her hair had been dyed slightly pink. He envied her. He wished he could be as carefree about it as she had been. With that thought, his eyes slipped back to you.

You were steadily avoiding him. He wondered if this was as hard for you as it was for him. Did you toss and turn at night unable to find a comfortable position because he wasn’t beside you? Did you stare out to space at any given moment thinking about the times you spent together? Did you miss him the way he missed you? Did you crave his presence as he did yours? Did you wander around only to find yourself in front of his door but unable to knock?

“The keystones have been taking up a lot of my time,” he lied.

“Any new revelations there?”

He met Miranda’s curious eyes and shook his head. “Nothing.”

“I’m sure the Covenant is not just sitting around waiting. Why are we?”

Vannak sounded annoyed and he understood. This coming war over these keystones was dangerous and sitting idly by was not a good call.

“I feel like something big is coming,” Miranda began, “Something we may not be prepared for and it makes me wonder who will save us all?”

It was then you raised your head and looked at Miranda.

“Say that again.”

“Uh—who—who will save us all?”

You looked as if you’d seen a Covenant soldier across the mess then your face went blank as if you’d disappeared in a haze of thought.

“Y/N?”

You shook your head then went back to your food. “Who will save us all,” you mumbled under your breath.

He wanted to reach out and touch you, wanted to establish this connection between you that he felt had been severely damaged, but he couldn’t. The anger from that shot through him like an electric shock and he bolted up then stomped out of the mess. He could feel the eyes of those around him trailing where he went. He hated this and was tired of it. The time was now. He had to know who was with him and was against him because he needed you and felt you needed him just as much.

As he stalked to the ship he knew Halsey was currently on, he tried to contain his anger so it wouldn’t interfere with his plan. This stunt could possibly get him court-martialed and decommissioned. He knew it was risky, but he also knew he was the UNSC. He slipped inside and saw Halsey inside flipping through notes and files completely oblivious to his arrival then reached the top of the door, pulled down the compartment, and yanked out the fuse cord which he knew supplied power, and oxygen to the room. He then stabbed a piece of metal tubing into the crack of the door, further preventing the override procedures that Halsey would try to initiate from taking effect.

That was when Cortana appeared.

“What’s going on John?”

“Thought you knew everything.”

She looked impassive so he went on to question her about her knowledge of Roman Quinn, the engineer of the ship he and Halsey were currently on. As she rattled off facts about the man who’d revolutionized the ships that were currently used throughout the UNSC, he went about adjusting parameters in the computers and walls. As Cortana gave a detailed lesson, Halsey called his name asking him time and time again what was happening.

He ignored them both.

“Why did you lock Dr. Halsey in her lab?”

Ignoring her again he dropped a piece of his reasoning. “Quinn knew that no matter how advanced, something could go bad and he built fail-safes into all his designs. All his designs except one. The UV Decontamination system.”

He sealed his fate and initiated the beginning of his game and test as he walked back to the door to where Halsey was panicking.

“John!”

He finished his lesson on Roman Quinn by telling where he failed and how simple it was to not fail. Cortana slowly understood then.

“You’re not going to--.”

He smirked, then went to watch the show. Halsey buzzed around the room, trying her best to initiate an override to all he’d done, but no matter which side of the room she went there was no override. He slowly watched her calm, reserved, genius façade fall. He watched the woman who’d been a mastermind of so many things throughout the years feel the inevitability of consequences. He watched her slowly come to the realization that he saw her—completely and now she was going to see him. He was not to be trifled with nor underestimated.

“Nope,” he said popping the “p” in the word. “I feel great!”

“You can’t do this you’re not thinking clearly. You’re overworked, tired--.”

“You don’t understand what will happen if the systems fail with her in there,” Cortana reasoned.

“Oh, but I do. She will receive a very large dose of radiation,” he said matter of factly as f it didn't matter to him one way or another.

He went closer to the door and explained Quinn’s untimely death and the very bloody aftermath.

“John! Open the door right now!”

He glared at Halsey but was unmoving even face to face with her distress. Halsey looked at Cortana.

“Open the door, Cortana.”

“I can’t,” the AI said.

He scoffed. “Make me.”

Cortana stared at him, and he could tell she was going through the possibilities and their repercussions.

“You’re my fail-safe right?”

“I am not. It’s not true. You have to open it.”

“John please,” Halsey begged as she banged on the door.

“She’s been lying my entire life. You know this. You’ve seen it. You’ve noted her lies and infalicies with her thinking. She put you inside my head to keep me in line because she knew once I found out the whole truth I would no longer be under her control, no longer be her obedient little soilder. She put you in here to control me. So do it!”

His shout echoed throughout the ship.

“I can’t. All I can do is overload your neural pathways and put you in a stasis that is temporary. I can’t make you do anything. I can’t control you, nor would I want to. I understand you are angry at Dr. Halsey and no longer trust her.”

“You understand nothing! Do it!”

“I can’t.”

The numbers on the door decreased rounding down to ten but still he didn’t budge.

“Do it!”

“She will die in seconds. John please!”

Halsey’s screams were louder now as her death drew nearer and nearer. Cortana’s features never wavered.

“I’m sorry for stealing you from your family. I’m sorry for lying to you. I’m sorry for trying to control you your entire life,” Halsey screamed as tears rolled down her cheeks.

He stared her down finally face to face with her lies. She’d finally admitted them. Finally laid those cards out.

“John please.”

The numbers fell to zero and the hiss of the vent in the room began. He had his answers and proof of loyalty. Freeing the door, he allowed it to open then yanked Halsey out in the nick of time before sealing the room again. Halsey lay there panting before she turned over and looked up at him with something he’d never seen from her. Fear.

“I’m sorry,” she whispered.

He clenched his jaw as he stared down at her. This woman was not his friend nor his savior. He knew that now.

“The time for I’m sorries are long gone. They mean nothing to me now.”

With that he walked past her leaving her on the cold steel floor. No doubt Aldon would be along to pick up the pieces. For now, she knew where she stood with him. They were finally both seeing each other as they truly were.

“Who are you loyal to?”

She didn’t appear but she replied. “To you John. I am loyal to you.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

***If you want to be tagged/untagged please SEND AN ASK SO IT WILL BE EASIER FOR ME TO KEEP TRACK OF. Thank you for reading!!!***

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

TagList:

@omg-mymelaninisbeautiful @caramara3 @violinchick @laurenstacy610 @pinheadbanger @morganas-pendragons @shar74nett @lialacleaf @laurenstacy610 @marvel-at-my-obsession @casually-dancing-fairy @beyourownkindofbeautiful @momobaby227 @chaneajoyyy @piscesgyalinit @amaraohara @117s-girl @xxdeankratosgirlxx @weirdodreamergirl @keytodespair @sugakookie9197 @emarich7 @fanartcollectorwriter@gardenwonders2 @swndmans @thehumanistsdiary @flowers801 @aconstructofamind

@nunya7394 @lovebittenbyevans

#pablo schreiber #halo: a masterchief collection #master chief #halo fanfiction #pablo schreiber fanfiction #master chief fanfiction #deception one shot #halo paramount #master chief x reader #master chief x you #master chief x ofc #grumpy x sunshine #john 117 #halo the series #halo tv #halo fanfic

85 notes · View notes

cult-of-the-eye · 1 month

Text

inspired by @archivus' statements, i decided to give it a try myself

tw for depersonalisation, body image issues, body horror, slight gore

Out of Body Experience

Statement of Rebekah Fitch, regarding something that wasn’t her body. Original statement given 5th March 2018. Recording by [REDACTED], Head Archivist of the Magnus Institute, Manchester. Committed to tape 26th March 2024.

Statement begins.

I never thought I would end up like this. I just-

I guess I should start from the start.

Throughout my life, I’ve had a complicated relationship with my body. Not to get too, um, personal or anything, but let’s just say it's tough being the child of an immigrant mother, especially, well, my mother. She would make comments about my body, small ones, I’ll admit, but ones that certainly built up to…recent events. On top of all that, I spent a lot of my teen years dissociating. Tricking my brain into believing that I wasn’t real. That nothing was. It’s a bit difficult to solidify an image of your body when half of you is ashamed of it and the other half doesn’t even consider your ownership of one. Ownership. I guess that’s sort of where it all began.

It was sometime in January when it all started to go wrong. I don’t exactly have a habit of staring at myself in the mirror, in fact, the only mirror I own in my cramped little flat is the bathroom one. It’s somehow always stained, a fact which I hesitate to admit helped me live with my…issues. The point is, the majority of the time, I didn’t know how I looked.

And then one day, I watched myself wake up.

I remember exactly how it felt. You know how people sometimes slice oranges in half and then take the peel, dig their fingers into the sides and push, letting each segment split from the other, hungrily leaning up towards you? That’s how I felt. Inverted. Wrong. I saw myself in a way that I had never, ever seen before. Each and every part of me that bulged where it shouldn’t have, thinned and yellowed at the edges like a fruit in its off-season. Whatever was happening to my eyes didn’t hurt, exactly, but I could feel every single part of my body as if it had suddenly awoken from a deep unconsciousness. It disgusted me. The life of it all. I panicked, of course, I thought I was having a really, really bad dream and that all I needed to do was wake up. But, no matter how many times I attempted to shield myself from the view, no matter how many times I willed every single synapse in my brain to connect and let my goddamn eyes close, nothing happened.

That nothing was the most excruciating nothing that I had ever experienced in my life. I was forced open, boneless and writhing. The me on the bed that I was watching slept soundly.

I don’t remember when I snapped out of it. I don’t remember how long it had been. I sat up, drenched in sweat, determined to be rid of the one mirror I had left. Putting it in the bin didn’t feel as triumphant as I believed it would. I guess part of me knew that this was no one-off.

Ok, I know what you’re thinking. It could just be a hallucination. I could be traumatised or mentally ill or on drugs. Well, I’m actually all of those things, which means that I have the unique ability to prove you wrong. I know what a hallucination feels like, I know what drug side effects feel like, and I know what my episodes feel like. And this? This was entirely separate. I don’t have to tell you that it happened again. I don’t have to tell you that I went from GP to GP, therapist to therapist to find out what was happening to me. But I will end this with proof.

Statement Ends.

Post-statement records include a medical report of one Rebekah Fitch. It outlines a series of scars of unidentified means on the underside of her eyelids, spelling out the phrase “I know that I exist.” Any attempts to follow up have led to dead ends. However, I’m afraid that I may be able to guess how this one ends.

#tma #the magnus archives #tma statements #tma fanfic #how else should i tag this

24 notes · View notes

somethinglikethatyeah83 · 1 year

Text

I'M HERE: Campbell Bain

Pairing: Campbell Bain x GN!Reader

Warnings: Reader has a breakdown so detaul description of said breakdown

Summary: Campbell is always there to help out when you need it <3

Word Count: 1.3K

A/N: First Campbell piece! Last piece for a while though since I've got exams coming up but I should be back on them in a week or so, depending on how well the exams go lmao

Everything hurt. Each fibre of my being was crying out for help, and an unbelievable amount of pain was coursing through my veins, and between synapses in my brain. I couldn't breathe, I couldn't see, and I just wanted everything to end. I wanted everything to go away and for it to never come back again.

I couldn't narrow it down to what had started it. One minute I had been fine, the next I was in another horrid state. I wasn't even in an episode. I had been fine for months, everything had been okay and then this happened.

Campbell was in the studio. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear his voice as he announced a new song, but it was fuzzy. Whether because it was too far away or because I couldn't hear anything either, I couldn't answer. I wouldn't have gone to him but he always got upset when someone interrupted one of his sessions, and I couldn't dare make him upset. His happiness brought me happiness, and I wouldn't ruin it.

He's going to kill me when he finds out I didn't go to him in this state. Campbell was always insistent that I went to him to help whenever I got like this. Not that he was forcing me to talk when I didn't want to, just so he knew. Just so he could understand what I was going through and ask if there was anything he could do. Normally, there was.

I really did appreciate Campbell. Unlike him, I wasn't the best at showing it. Campbell was an unbelievably affectionate person, constantly showering me with hugs and kisses and compliments, which somehow I just couldn't reciprocate all the time. I love him, more than anything else in this world, but I couldn't always do the same.

We had, of course, spoken about this. Manic depression was very different to clinical depression. He understood that as much as I wanted to show him how much I loved him, the depression meant that I couldn't always. He was okay with it. He said that just being with me made him feel good enough. I still didn't believe him, after all these months, but there was no changing it.

I had been curled up in my bed for the past hour. I couldn't take all the noises from the common room and so ran to my bedroom and threw myself onto my bed, curled my knees under my chin, and slammed my eyes shut. The nurses didn't follow me, knowing that soon enough, Campbell would come bundling in and help me, which he hadn't yet. The show hadn't ended yet, that was all.

Campbell was probably the only person in the world that could calm me down. The other patients knew it, the nurses knew it, and even Eddie knew it. When I was having a problem, someone always went and got Campbell.

And it was the other way around, too. When Campbell would get a little too hyper, I was always called on. I couldn't always make him better, and he would have to be stabilised sometimes, but the majority of the time I could calm him down. We were the perfect pair, even if we were loonies.

Everything in my surroundings was so fuzzy that I didn’t even hear Campbell enter. I only jolted in my curled-up position when I felt his palm against my back. He apologised softly, my hearing a little better with how close he was, even if he was still slightly fuzzy. I sat up where I was, seeing his features pulled into a sympathetic frown.

“Hey.” I murmured, running a hand through the matted hair at the top of my head, trying to tidy it up. “You alright?”

He sent me a soft, calming smile. “You’re not.”

“Cam, I’m fine.”

“Don’t lie to me, love, I know you too well now.” He spoke, velvet voice bringing me that sense of tranquillity that no one else could. “Hug?”

My eyes watched his for a few moments, hesitant on whether it would help at all, and endlessly deciding that Campbell’s hugs were just too good to pass up, ever; even if I wasn’t in this state. There was never a time when his cuddles didn’t do anything. Even if I was completely content, being surrounded by sunshine in human form was just… perfect.

I nodded, and before I could speak, he swiftly pulled me into his lap on the bed and wrapped his arms around my shoulders, one hand against the back of my head while his lips were pressed against my hair. My hands pulled into my chest as I laid sideways against his. I was completely shrouded by him, having the outside world completely shut out, and for the first time today, it felt like only Campbell and I existed. Finally, I felt safe. I didn’t feel like everything was pushing in on me, and I felt so safe that those tears that had been kept behind my eyes spilled.

“Darlin’.” He cooed, rocking us back and forth slightly. “I’m here, you’re safe. You talk to me if ya want but I’m not gonna force you, yeah?”

I gasped a deep breath, trying to find air in my heavy sobs. It was always tiring when I finally let everything out. I had a habit of bottling everything up for months, and it always ended up in a Campbell hug, where I completely broke down and couldn’t even speak. I was so grateful that he put up with me, every single time. I never had to worry about him being annoyed or angry and I loved him so much for it.

“I don’t know what happened.” I told him, speaking into his favourite multi-coloured hoodie which I had almost definitely stolen more than one time. “I just… couldn’t take the noise. Then I came in here and couldn’t take anything at all. Everything went fuzzy and I couldn’t hear or see and I just wanted to curl up into a ball and disappear. You were in a show, I didn't want to interrupt you.”

He looked down at me and cupped my cheeks. “You can always come and find me, whether I’m in a show or not. Eddie barely needs me anyway, and you’re more important, especially when you’re like this.”

“I know, I just get nervous. And the worst part was it felt like I was getting better.” I admitted, licking my lips and looking down at my hands which were now settled in my lap. “I hadn’t had an attack for months, and I wasn't even in an episode, it just happened suddenly.”

“Aye, but is anyone really getting better here? I’d say you’ve recovered the most out of all our loonies. And you get panic attacks a whole lot less than when you first came here.” He smiled slightly down at me, reaching a hand up and wiping the tears that ran down my cheeks. “Now, I’ve got nothing left to do for the rest of the day, how about we stay in here until dinner and mess around? Just us two, doing whatever we want.”

A wet chuckle spilled from my lips. “Sounds perfect.” I spoke, sniffing and wiping my nose against my sleeve. Just a second later he pulled a tissue out from practically nowhere and handed it to me. When I pulled away and looked at him he just smiled.

“They told me you stormed off. I thought I’d come prepared.”

A small, minuscule smile curved into my lips, and I took the tissue. “Thank you. For everything. Not just the tissue.”

“S’what I’m here for, isn’t it?”

“I love you, Campbell, and I’m sorry I don’t say it as much as I should.”

He smiled down at me, pressing a soft kiss against my lips. “We talked about that, honey, stop apologising.”

“Alright.” I agreed hesitantly, nuzzling back into his arms.

“I love you, too, by the way.” He murmured into my hair, pulling me deep into a hug that I never wanted to leave.

#takin' over the asylum #david tennant #campbell bain #campbell bain x reader #campbell bain fluff #any gender #campbell x gn!reader #fluff

168 notes · View notes