watched nope again. can't stop thinking about that moment when emerald asks jupe what really happened on the set when gordy lost it and jupe immediately starts talking about the snl skit. something something about how he can't talk about these events unless they're repackaged into a product/entertainment
just imagining an insanely lucky group of fans saw woosanhwa after their stage (idk how coachella works) and they were jusy hyping them up, telling them they ate as they did!! and then one of them asks san to tell nabi that they hope she’s feeling better and you know he started blushing like “yeah, i’ll tell her 😊☺️”
im totally not focusing more on making the formatting pleasing while typing up my character's backstory for my dm than like the actual content. certainly not. that'd be silly. so so so silly
okay now that i'm watching ep4 the second time and got to process the initial shock, i can stop and think about how fucked up it is that cousineau kills his son on accident. when they've just recently established contact and cousineau was trying to do better by him. even though i get that it makes narrative sense. because of course cousineau, who so often acts before he thinks and, especially after s3, has reason to believe he's the main character in barry's life and is a paranoid coward, shoots first and never asks questions
Imposter syndrome with OSDD is made exponentially worse.
Hal was in control for a lot of last night while we spoke to a friend, but I was halfway there the entire time. My thoughts were sort of reigning supreme, while his actions were. It felt almost like I was kidding myself or just lying to myself that he was there, but I had so little control over what was being done.
He was driving, but I was the one switching gears and giving directions. The entire ordeal made me feel almost guilty because I wasn't totally gone, I could have been totally there and gone through my night fine. It was *difficult* to keep him in the driver's seat, and that really didn't help the worry that this is all an elaborate hoax that I'm subconsciously trying to create.
It's stressful to still be *here* even while he is doing other things. It feels like a lie, like somehow this is all just an act for some faker bullshit I'm feeding others.
(for the record, it's not bullshit. Just feelslike my experiences are that way)
want it on record that when lucy compared herself to a cormorant i was fully convinced that was a fruit. like an orange or something. idk. apparently it's a bird?????