#malort is funny

[bigkickguy]

morning doodle! malkuth gebura and the meme drink

[the-witchhunter]

DP x DC: Malort

Danny, being from Illinois(probably) introduces a staple of Chicago bars to various heroes in the DC universe

Malort, for you unfortunate souls who have never had it, is delicious

Okay, it's actually extremely bitter and most people don't like it. It has a vague grapefruit rind flavor up front but it's main flavoring agent is wormwood. It kind of lingers and dries out your mouth a bit. People, myself included, actually enjoy this, but it's very bitter. People who don't like it really really hate it

hence why it's hilarious to give someone a shot of it

So Danny pulls this with the Justice league

Batman? Takes it like a champ

Flash? Hates it and runs at super speed to spit it out and pretends he didn't to spare Danny's feelings

Wonder Woman? I think she'd probably like it? Like, historically all sorts of herbal liquors were used as medicine and consumed as health tonics. I would not be surprised if it reminded her of some Amazon concoction. Or she would hate it similar to hao Japanese people tend to dislike root beer since it reminds them of a medicine they took as children

Constantine? Free booze is booze and he's enough of a bastard that even if he didn't like it he wouldn't give the satisfaction of reacting to it

Green Lantern, any of them, would not like it but to stubborn to admit as much and would take another shot of it

Superman, would not like and would give Danny the most satisfying reaction. Double the suffering because he can taste it but it can't get him drunk

Martian Manhunter, he'd dig it

[violentlyexplosive]

why am i on the malört side of the internet. I'm tryna be sober for a while why is youtube advertising swedish absinthe to me. håll käften för fan. ja vill inte dricka ditt fucking ved.

[echthr0s]

yeah I'm sensitive to tannins. when I detect a tannin I get a lil frisson of jubilation. ooo tannins ooooo

[trashworldblog]

ghost files live chicago night 2

a random list of funny moments i remember from the show absolutely not in order of anything

the hotdaga is happening

ryan cant bench press shane

ryan can carry shane

ryan likes deep dish and was sleepy because he just ate deepdish (lou malnatis)

fuck Naperville (snooty suburb)

lizzie and ryan do not like malort. shane didnt seem to bothered

the bean has a ghost and they got it

they also sent mr hull back to hell again

someone farted

there was a ghost in the audience and shane got distracted

silky chickens are very wonderful creatures and shane told us to learn about them

ryan didnt know???? about the aliens in mexico???? we had to pull up images for him?????

fuck ai

ryan thought he'd be at buzzbee for a month but that clearly didnt happen

obi is doing great

in the amazing words of @itsmeyaboialma FUCK IOWA

ryan and shane do not want to get their dogs out

i am bad at paying attention at live shows this list took 15 minutes of deep contemplation and a summoning circle

[upthewitchypunx]

Greetings from Chicago after our lovely zine fest. By some strange misfortune I have consumed 2 shots of Malort.

Malort tastes like an 8 year old played witch and made a "potion" from Listerine, branches, leaves, and berries they found in their backyard.

Then we got in a Lyft that happened to be a Toyota Highlander and no one thought my joke about a demolition derby made up of entirely Toyota Highlanders (because there can be only one) was very funny.

[agoobersretreat]

"Malort" is a funny word I have discovered, what's your favorite goofy real word?

That's an awesome word! I think mine would still have to be 'Smoot'~!

[stennyandbaddecisions]

Hearing tourists talk about malort is funny af

[resonantramblings]

[givemegifs]

[wanderingchaos]

It’s been A WEEK but I made some very funny “fake shirt designs” for my food crimes group

Yeah, that is black Phillip drinking malort. And knife cat, my personal hero, with the first version of the slant quote.

[topshelf]

New Picture GIF giphyupload, reaction, funny, alcohol, chicago, smell, booze, liquor, malort via Giphy https://ift.tt/kTqnmPo

[halo--hall]

it's funny how songs can feel like people / places / things. this song came up on shuffle for the first time in forever & it's not a halloween song, but it feels so much like halloween in chicago: cigarettes, black coffee, dead leaves, watching svengoolie, sleazy lady drag in a wet alley, 10 AM malort shots in a basement on the northwest side.

might make a playlist that feels like this? i miss... making playlists. what should i make a playlist about?

[kojoty]

It was funny cause this person was like On the Run and what do they do? Hide in a bar kitchen so theu can grab some Italian beefs and some malort before they keep running. Oh my God my time cop criminal character is from Chicago

[ventingrightnow]

Sharing dinner at the hoopla across the table from one another and people going “wtf is happening” “CRUSH and ME split their dinner” “why?” LMAO

Driving to get fireworks with Lady Boss and 34Boss and jamming in the backseat, aka just throwing ourselves back and forth at one another.

Sitting on the Hoopla porch swing and giggling very close to one another. He later said that it was a perfect moment and he wished he could’ve stayed outside longer.

Coming back from the hoopla to see a note on my desk from Cigar Boss. He sees me reading it and I show it to him and he sighs, hurt, places a hand on my shoulder and walks away. He later comes by my desk after weekly meeting and says “you can’t show me stuff like that” “aww, were you upset?” “I was tearing up at my desk a little bit” “aww! Do you need a hug?” “Yes.” I get up and hug him, arms around the waist, it’s a sweet moment, I could feel my boobs against his bulky chest. Then he continues to say he was upset, I go “there is a heart in there! Not just black sludge and Malort”

“You’re a little stoner!” “I am not a stoner” “lemme do an impression of you@ — sits back in chair, smirking, eyes half closed ... hey want a hit?”

He later tries to give me part of his L sectional (after showing me pictures of his new place coming together) and asks me, as a joke, how much I’d be willing to pay for it and I go, uhh a hug and a kiss, and he dissociates into oblivion for 2 seconds before I quietly sing “a bushel and a peck ..” how do you know that old song?” Cause my parents are old! 50 and 55 ...

He is flying to Florida this week and wanted to double check all his flight and hotel information and I ask him to just give me access to his calendar so I can do this remotely and he lets me and I go over to his desk to do it for him, bending over his desk in a dress and he is literally an inch from my face next to me watching. I swear he smelt my hair. And my hair smelled good (thank god)

Him watching me work out at the office 😂 definitely interesting. Eager to see if he mentions my stand-up set. I really wanna know what he thought.

UPDATE: while he didn’t bring up the topic himself (annoying) I go, what, no feedback on my stand-up set? “Oh I didn’t really talk to you after I watched it” (he seemed distracted) what’d you think?, then he makes a poor joke that it was filthy and he was worse for watching it, and gape at him saying that I’m the meanest sensitive person, then he goes that he liked it and couldn’t imagine doing that himself, especially not to talk about a dirty story in front of all those people. He loved the “oh yeAH?” Line, the work-out joke and wondered if it was a real story. I say yes and that it’s actually worse, I wish I was fucking in a basement it was actually in the back of my dad’s BMW. He said he’s not one to blush and that I did warn him. He also liked the bit about bracketing a fuck proposal with “haha”

Idk what this means. The whole stand-up set is a joke about how unsexy I am by talking about sex filth and all he does is talk about sex filth so I kinda assumed he’d like it a lot? And he kinda seemed like while he appreciated it and thought it was funny — maybe he thought my being a filthy person was just a me and him thing, and to see me share something super personal with an audience of 300 surprised him? I was kinda expecting him to pull me aside and give me a high-five, SOMETHING that would show that he appreciated that I even sent him the damn link, which I didn’t have to do. Oy. I’m not super salty since he’s busy today but like ... I dunno. I was expecting a high-five. Both him and chubby sales w/GF’s main comments were that they couldn’t IMAGINE getting on stage and doing that so that was impressive which is kinda a cop-out comment? Like, here’s the food I prepared! Takes a bite, wow, you cooked ALL OF THIS? Great job! Like, no, did you like how it tasted, not that it’s impressive to cook a lot. Am I over thinking this? Probably. He’s busy. I’m annoyed now. Not really. It was an old set. But usually people who see me on stage like me more? Like, whenever someone watches — no, remember guys get intimidated by funny women. It’s so dumb and annoying. You think he’s intimidated by you now? No, I mean, idk. He’s busy today. That’s why he’s being distant. He’s got shit to do. Ugh.

LMAO hacked into his account to change the privacy settings on his calendar and he immediately got a notification that someone was hacked into his account and he marched up to my desk asking if it was me and I said no LOL said it could be Mike Muth (why?) as a joke and he asked if Mike had come to the office before and I said yes and he said don’t lie me, you’re smooth but I can tell when you’re lying, and then said “no actually I have no idea who’s in my account” and then walked away Hahahha WHOOPS

[150dow]

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