#mama was dope and she deserves better damn it

[rhaenyra-first-of-her-name]

So do you struggle with killing characters bcoz you wanna bring them back or are you normal?

[thiswasinevitableid]

If you are still taking meet ugly prompts, sternclay 22 nsfw???

Here you go!

22: you’re on a date with this awful, awful person who keeps getting under my skin because my friend and I have been eavesdropping all night and your date says something that makes me snap … I thought it was a first date, not a three year relationship.

Note: I interpreted "first date" loosely. Slight content warning for mentions of blackmail, including blackmailing someone into a relationship.

It’s hard to tell where the sting of gin on his tongue ends and the sharpness of the pines through the window begins. The combination would invigorate him were it not for the conversation playing out at the other end of the short bar.

“...Last time, I’m not leaving.” The bartender, a mountain of a man who Joseph would love to climb, has been dealing with a persistent suitor for the better part of an hour. They’re the only people in the place; ski season is far behind them and summer isn’t here yet.

“C’mon, you’ve got no reason to hang around.”

“Yeah, actually, I do.” The bartender finishes cleaning glasses, turns to put them up.

“Don’t you fucking turn your back on me! I’m not through with you, oughta drag you outta here by your hair you cheap, dull-”

The next word is an unkind name for men who, like Joseph, prefer men in their beds. The bartender doesn’t respond, though his hands tighten around the glasses. Damn it, the world did not go for a second war just for him to let everyday evil slide by.

“That’s enough.” Joseph stands, moving to where the other patron wobbles on his stool, “him being uninterested doesn’t give you the right to abuse him.”

“You don’t know what you’re talking about, pretty boy.”

“I know that if you don’t leave, I’ll escort you out.”

The man throws up his hands, spits at Joseph’s feet before stumbling and stomping for the door, “Three years, Barclay, you’re throwing away three years in one night, and you’re gonna regret it. I’ll make sure you do!”

“Don’t think you will.” Barclay mumbles as the door slams. He’s twisting his dishrag to the point it’s ripping.

“Three years? Good lord, I thought he was just a run-of-the-mill drunk.”

“Nope. If you can call him tracking me down every few months a relationship.”

“I’m sorry.” Joseph pulls out his handkerchief, kneeling to clean up the spit, “still, I apologize for getting in the middle of a, um, lovers quarrel.”

“Please don’t, I’m glad you stepped in. Don’t know what I woulda done if you hadn’t.” His brown eyes study Joseph more closely, “have I seen you here before?”

“Through there.” He indicates the pass-through to the kitchen, “I come here as often as I can since the food can’t be beat.”

“Thanks.” Barclay smiles, starts wiping the counter, “yeah, Dani usually tends bar after the kitchen closes but her wife is down with the flu. Only seemed fair to let her take time to look after her.”

A big heart to go with a big frame? Joseph’s in big trouble.

“You, uh, you up here for the lakes or…” He’s now directly across from Joseph, sliding a fresh gin and tonic in front of him.

“I’m a private detective, a one man operation as of 1949; Kepler’s the optimal spot for me, since it’s between the mountain towns and the eastern edge of the city. That’s a lot of people who might need help. Not to mention lots of the residents closer to the lakes are wealthy, the kind where they’re always looking for someone to trail a straying spouse or track down the pearls their no-good layabout son sold for dope.” He lets a little bit of scorn enter his voice in hopes of letting Barclay know he doesn’t always agree with his clients, but that a man has to make a living.

Barclay rolls his shoulders, then leans forward, “any fun cases so far?”

Joseph pulls off his jacket as he thinks; if Barclay’s really interested, they might be here awhile.

---------------------------------------------------

He’s an early riser, so the banging on the door to his house (and office) interrupts his breakfast and not his rest. Joseph opens it and then fights to keep it that way.

“Detective Hayes. This is a surprise.” He smiles.

“I’m not here to catch up, Stern. I’m here so you can answer one, simple question: where were you between eleven-thirty and midnight last night?”

“In the dining room at Amnesty Lodge, talking with the bartender. If you need to verify that, just go to the Lodge and ask for Barclay.”

Hayes glowers in a way he recognizes as, “this won’t be an easy case like I assumed” and turns without a word. Two officers follow him. The third, Dewey, hesitates. He’d always been a pal. Joseph shoots him a confused look.

“Guy got shot in the woods near the Lodge last night. His only known contact in town was the bartender, and everyone else we questioned said the two had been arguing for a few days. Hayes thought the cook was a shoo-in to book but, well, his alibi aligns with what you said. Plus, some ranger Owens talked to said he saw Barclay talking to someone in the dining room at the time of the murder. Guess he was walking by the window on his way to-”

“Dewey! Get the hell over here!”

As his informant scurries up the hill to join the others, Joseph steps back inside to finish his toast. He only gets through one piece before the phone rings, summoning him to the managers office at Amnesty Lodge.

Madeline “Mama” Cobb sits behind her desk, whittling with the kind of force that suggests she’s doing this in place of putting her knife to another use.

“Barclay tells me you’re a detective.”

“That’s right, Miss. Cobb.”

“Great. I’m hirin’ you to find out who the hell killed his useless ex and is tryin to frame him for it.”

He sits down, intrigued, “I thought the police were handling the investigation.”

“I ain’t inclined to trust ‘em. Barclay can’t think of someone who’d set him up, and the police don’t think he was. Yet. But I happen to know there were scraps of a shirt Barclay owns on the trees nearby and that the fella who died had this on him.”

She holds a crumpled paper out. He unfolds it, reads, “Come to the old mill at a quarter until midnight. B.” He looks up, “meant to stand for Barclay, one would assume?”

“Yep. Whoever wrote that did a decent job forgin it.”

“How can you be sure it’s fake?”

“Because I got plenty of documents where Barclay describes a time. He just uses numbers, not words like ‘quarter until.”

“Did you suspect a set-up before you lifted this from the body so the cops wouldn’t find it?” Joseph tucks the note into his inside pocket.

“Course I did. You’re new in town, but there ain’t a person here who’d say Barclay is anythin but gentle. He ain’t about to shoot someone in cold blood, even that fucker.” She sighs, takes off her hat and runs a hand through greying hair, “that boy is as good as a brother to me. I know he’s been through some rough shit. He don’t deserve to get caught up in some goddamn murder scheme. So name your price, Mr. Stern; so long as it keeps him outta trouble, I’ll pay it.”

---------------------------------------------

He’s elbow-deep in Barclay’s dresser when the cook returns from his shift; he gave Joseph permission to search his room for signs of whoever took his shirt, but still, the other man doesn’t seem pleased with his presence.

“I’m sorry, but I have to be thorough. I’ll be out of here as soon as I can.”

“S’fine.” Barclay slumps down on the bed. After a moment he murmurs, “I know Mama hired you, but is there anyway I can convince you to quit? She, the Lodge doesn’t have much cash to spare this time of year. I don’t want anyone going without on my account and, and maybe this will all blow over if I just lie low, y’know?”

“It might. But until I think that’s the outcome, I’m inclined to agree with Miss. Cobb that we should work to keep you clear of this. And” he watches Barclay stand, moving to the window so he won’t have to see Joseph rifling through his life, “I promise that if it comes down to getting paid or bankrupting the Lodge, I’ll stop taking my fee. This is a good place and, um, it clearly means a lot to you. That makes it worth some belt-tightening on my end.”

“Thanks.” Barclay stares into the woods, then looks over his shoulder, “Joseph, I-”

It’s only because the mirror is above the dresser that he sees the black barrel peek from the trees. With no time to yell, he dives forward, pulling Barclay to the floor as the first bullet makes shards of the window.

“What the fuck?!” Barclay covers his head as another shot flies over them

“I think we just confirmed Miss. Cobb’s theory!” He pops up, fires once, and drops back down. Whoever’s in the trees isn’t expecting someone armed, so in place of another bullet they get breaking branches.

Joseph gives chase, leaping out the window and sprinting into the trees. Were they in downtown L.A, hell, even if he was still in Chicago, he’d have a better chance of staying on his target. But there’s no paths, no short-cuts, and every tree looks the same at this speed, cloaking the shape in the distance. Worst of all, he discovers that instead of dead-ending at a brick wall, he dead ends at a rockface.

Oh, and his hand is bleeding. He must have cut himself jumping out the window.

It looks like his investigation just took on a bodyguard element, and his wish to spend more time with Barclay could end with them both looking like swiss cheese.

--------------------------------------------------------------------

“You could talk to Duck.” Barclay finishes bandaging the slash on the back of Joseph’s left hand, “he works in the state park near here and knows a ton about the layout of the woods. There, not too tight?” He sits back on his heels as Joseph tests the tightness of the bandage.

“It’s great, big guy. Um, I’m sorry, I don’t know where that came from.”

“I don’t mind it” he winks, “pretty boy.”

His visit with Duck the next day, while informative, doesn’t give him much insight into how their assailant disappeared, especially when Duck points out that the rock face he ran across is over a mile long and hard to climb without equipment or a death wish. At least the ranger outfits him with a map with written-in details; most are about trails that are likely to be muddy (and thus hold prints) or spots where a person might be able to hide. And some hike recommendations, just because.

He tries not to think about taking Barclay on the one to a secluded lake and fucking him under the stars.

His schedule alternates between sitting in his office taking and making calls, shadowing Barclay when he’s out on errands or otherwise vulnerable (he’s spent more than a few nights on the floor of his room, that velvety baritone talking to him until they both fall asleep), and scouring the woods for clues.

A jay heckles a squirrel, which surrenders it’s pinecone and scrambles along the rocks. He’s wishing he could be so nimble when it climbs up and then...disappears. Following it, he discovers what he dismissed as endless rock is an optical illusion; the rocks above and behind align with the ones in front and below to make it seem as if it’s a flat face. But when he climbs over the bottom rock, he finds a narrow slot canyon. One big enough for a human.

Fifteen minutes of granite scratching his back later, he’s at the other side of the rocks. Smoke curls up his nose, and he trails the scent to a cabin which, according to Duck, is on a strange pocket of private property, just up a frontage road. Stranger still is the sign out front.

I.C All

Tarot, Palm Reading, and Other Psychic Services.

He knocks as wind chimes sing lazily around him.

“Come in!”

The first room is divided by a curtain, the half he’s in a rather eclectic waiting room. The dining room and kitchen are probably on the other side of the pink and yellow cloth.

Waiting for him in the next room is a man with a distinctly beatnik air about him, from his red glasses down to his brightly colored shawl and shoulder length hair. Laid out before him is a tarot deck, crystal ball, and several black candles. But that’s not what concerns Joseph.

“Before I sit down, can you ask your friend hiding in the bureau to come out?”

“Fuck” the beaura hisses, “uh, I mean, uh, there ain’t, uh, fuck-”

“It’s alright dearest, I suspect we may all benefit from this.” He gestures for Joseph to sit, “Apologies, but my hope was you were either a client I could turn away or one in search of a brief reading that I could perform before returning to more...pleasurable activities.” He grins as none other than Duck Newton steps from the creaky wooden bureau, looking like he’s been wrestling a very amorous tiger.

“Afternoon, Joe.” Duck sits on the nearby couch, “didn’t take you for the fortune tellin’ type.”

“I’m more interested in whether Mr…”

“Cold, but my friends call me Indrid.”

“Whether Indrid has noticed anyone coming and going on his property without permission?”

“I can’t say that I have, though it’s hard to do so; the walkway is guarded by Beacon, our dog, and everything but the walk up to the cabin is fenced off or, well, a massive wall of rock.”

“...Come with me.”

Soon, Duck is studying the slot canyon while Indrid worries his lower lip.

“I had no idea this was here.”

“No one did. It ain’t on any of the maps, and I never heard of anyone findin it on accident.” Duck pulls back, popping his hat on as he turns to Joseph, “this got somethin to do with Barclay?”

“I think whoever shot at us used this to get away. For all we know, the person who killed Mr. Douglas did the same.”

“To think, I encouraged Barclay to come here even more often once he told me his predicament; I thought no one could approach us without me seeing them coming. No, no this will not do at all” he shakes his head, “he needs to go see her.”

“You know he won’t, sugar.”

“He must. It’s the safest place for him. And the last anyone will look.”

Joseph looks between them, but before he can ask Indrid simply says, “You should ask Barclay about the Greenbank House. That story isn’t ours to tell.”

-------------------------------------------------------------------

“Home sweet home.” Barclay grumbles as he and Joseph step out of the car and into the shadow of a mansion in the most exclusive neighborhood in Lakeshore. It took all of his friends telling him he should go--and Joseph assuring him it’s location meant it wouldn’t look like he was trying to run away from the scene of the murder--for the cook to agree to a stay at his family home.

“What are you afraid of?” Joseph keeps his tone gentle as they climb the front steps. His friend had simply said he had unhappy memories of the house and would rather live in a mausoleum then stay there.

“It’s more dread. You’ll see when we get inside.” He knocks on the front door. It’s opened by the least congruous face imaginable; a man with greying hair and a groundskeepers clothes. When he sees Barclay, a smile bursts across his face.

“Barclay! How are you kiddo?”

“I’m...I’m okay. It’s good to see you Thacker.” He offers a genuine smile as he opens his arms and gathers the older man into a hug. When they separate, Joseph offers his hand and introduces himself. Having an extra guest delights Thacker, and he ushers them in with a promise that he’ll have rooms ready to go in a jiff.

“How’s Maddie doin’?”

“She’s good, and she’ll still slug your arm for that nickname.”

“Good old Maddie.” Thackers cheer falters, “do you wanna go see your ma? If I didn’t know you were comin, gonna guess she didn’t neither.”

“Yeah. Yeah I should go see her. Joseph, you don’t, uh, you don’t need to come with me if you don’t want to.”

“It’s only polite to meet my hostess.”

Barclay leads him up a flight of stairs, then down a hallway where dust substitutes for walllpaper. Waiting for them in a red and orange toned bedroom is a woman with greying, black hair and a face not unlike Barclay’s.

“Dear heart” she rises from her armchair, drawing her son to her, “you came back.”

“Just to visit, Ma. Uh, this, this is Joseph. He’s a friend of mine. He’ll be staying here too.”

She studies him with a critical eye; Joseph thought Hayes had a judgemental gaze, but she could beat him any day.

“Hmm. The more the merrier, as she always said. How long will you stay?”

“A few weeks.”

She nods, regards the photo of another woman above the mantelpiece as if seeking council, “You’re not here for pleasure.”

“No.” Barclay rubs his arm, “I...I got into some trouble. Andrew Douglas was shot the night I broke things off with him. The cops are leaving me alone for now but someone else wants me dead.”

The woman’s face suggests she both recognizes and despises that name, “We will keep you safe.”

With that, she sits once more and picks up her book. Barclay hesitates, then bends to kiss her forehead before pulling Joseph from the room.

--------------------------------------------------

“How long ago did your mother die?” Joseph kicks his legs up onto the ottoman. Barclay alluded to her passing previously, but never gave details.

“When I was eighteen. Car accident. She went off the Kepler bridge. They, uh, they never found her, and just found part of the wreck.”

He intends to leave it there; they’re on the back porch overlooking the garden (“Thackers pride and joy”), early summer dusk on their skin and their arms occasionally brushing from the edges of their chairs. No need to kill the mood further. He just wanted some kind of context for the house and the widow within it.

“Ma never recovered. She loved mom so much that losing her was like losing a lung; she can get through her days, even enjoy them, but it will always be hard. She tried to keep mom around however she could; the whole goddamn house is the same as it was the day she died, even my room. She wanted me to stay too, but Mama offered me the job and I just...I couldn’t live in a haunted house anymore.”

Joseph tips his hand to the right, extending his fingers into the space between them. Barclay takes it and holds tight.

“I’m so sorry, Barclay. You had every right to leave, to make your own life.”

“I know.” He runs his thumb across Joseph’s knuckles, “okay, pretty boy, my turn for a tough question; why’d you really leave the police force.”

It’s not that tough a question, not when he knows the man he’s confiding in won’t go running to Hayes, “I joined the force because I wanted to solve mysteries and help people. But it turned out there was a lot less seeking justice and a lot more chasing off drunks who just needed a place to sleep off benches and harassing certain neighborhoods. Then I worked out that the chief was taking bribes from all kinds of places and was naive enough to think someone might listen to me and help me when I told them. Instead they threw me off the force. In hindsight, it could have been worse; they could have killed me and covered it up.”

“Jesus.” Barclay polishes off his drink, contemplates the ice, “glad they didn’t. Both because, y’know, world is better with you alive, but, uh, also because if they had we’d never have met.”

Joseph meets his eyes, smiling in a way that makes the other man blush, “that would’ve been a damn shame.”

---------------------------------------------------------------------------

This is turning into one of the stranger cases he’s worked, in good ways and bad. The good is that his work days, when he’s not on the phone or digging through his notes, are spent with Barclay. His friend insists on cooking, has even brought him lunch at his desk, and usually the two of them have dinner with Thacker in the garden. They read or play chess in the study, take walks through the labyrinthine grounds, and even swim in the open air pool. Barclay in his swim trunks is a fine sight indeed. Joseph wonders if he ever brought boyfriends here, ever kissed them in the blue water or let them have their way with him in some hidden patch of lawn.

But it’s not all roses and revelry. The more he roots around in Andrew Douglas’s past, and in Barclay’s, the more questions he has. Why did Andrew come and go? What happened to large portions of Raquel and Sylvia (Barclay’s parents) fortune? And who wants to kill someone with no criminal record, no known enemies, and no heirs? If it’s the same person who murdered Andrew, killing Barclay would remove their fall-guy, so that makes no sense as a move.

His best lead comes when he learns Barclay’s family and Andrew Douglas lived in San Francisco at the same time. A friend in the city agrees to do some sniffing around there for any information that might point towards their killer. Two days later, he calls back and says he’s sending Joseph a “fucking brick” of evidence in the mail.

It’s been several days and he’s still waiting. He dozed off in his room after dinner, intending to cat nap, but it seems he’s overshot; it’s after ten. At least the mail must have come by now.

“Barclay? Did anything come--you have five goddamn seconds to explain yourself.”

His friend stammers from his seat on the bed, surrounded by papers, photo’s, newsprint, and a manila envelope with Joseph’s name on it.

“I, uh, I, it isn’t-”

“This is all evidence collected for the purpose of protecting you, so if you have something you’re afraid of me finding you’d better start talking now.” He snaps, looming over the other man from the edge of the bed.

Wordlessly, Barclay hands him a piece of newspaper. It details a kidnapping, one that ends--happily--with the victim being returned to their family. Four names are mentioned, but none of the perpetrators are the man in front of him.

“I was sixteen. A stupid kid. I had this perfect life and I got a little stir crazy, a little bored, and fell in with some other rich kids who felt the same. It started out harmless. Then James, the guy in charge, decided we should dream bigger. I was so, so fucking in love with him, I didn’t try to stop him. Not right away, anyway. I...I was their look-out for that kidnapping. But I couldn’t let them keep it up.”

“You struck a deal.”

Barclay nods, “Best part is, I managed to do it without either of my parents getting wise. We moved here soon after. I thought I could put it behind me.”

Joseph takes a closer look at the paper. The byline for the article is one A. Douglas.

“He blackmailed you.”

“Not at first. He, he” Barclay takes a shaky breath, “he went to mom first. Asked her how much she’d pay to keep my name out of the papers. James had told him about me and he was going to spread the story. That’s why she was on that fucking bridge in the middle of a fucking storm; she was meeting him.”

“Oh, Barclay.” Evidence crumples under his knees as he sits to comfort his friend.

“Then he came to me; now not only was I paying to keep the story quiet, I was paying to keep him from telling Ma why Mom died.”

“She died because of a blackmailer, wet cement, and a weak guard rail. Not because of you.”

Barclay looks at him, eyes coffee cups of sorrow, and simply shakes his head. Then he crumples forward and Joseph catches him, holds him tight while he finishes his story through his tears.

He paid off Andrew for three years. Ned Chicane, owner of the Kepler Museum of Curiosities, helped him with the family accounts so Raquel wouldn’t notice anything suspicious. Whenever Andrew came around, he demanded Barclay act as his “boyfriend” for the duration of the visit.

“Everyone must think I have terrible taste in men.”

Once they establish that, as far as Barclay is aware, only Ned knows about the blackmail, Joseph cups his face and says, as firmly as gentleness allows, “From now on, I need you to be truthful with me. You said you didn’t want me putting the pieces together because you were ashamed, but all I want is to help you. I can’t do that if there are big things you’re hiding from me. Understand?”

Barclay nods, and apologizes the entire time they’re gathering the strewn pieces back into the envelope.

“Barclay?” Joseph cuts him off and eases him down until he’s on his back, “I forgive you. Now please go to sleep before you pass out from stress.”

The cook smiles at him, eyes already fluttering closed, “You’re the boss, Joseph.”

He ignores all the urges that kickstarts in him and leaves his friend to sleep in peace.

-------------------------------------------------------

“Y’know, kind of wish we’d known each other back then.” Barclay looks up from where he’s helping Joseph sort the new evidence on the floor, “when I was in San Francisco, I mean.”

“It would have taken more than just a change of scene for me; my family does alright, but I’d have been way outside your circles.”

“So? Maybe then I coulda had a boyfriend who was ‘disreputable’ for bullshit reasons instead of real ones.”

“I’ve never once been disreputable.” He looks up from the photos in his hand, “and is that your way of telling me something, big guy.”

“Yes. I, uh, you can tell me to knock it off, but I, uh, I think you’re swell. It’s okay if you don’t feel that way but you said I should be…” he trails off as Joseph leans into his space,”honest.”

He kisses him once, so brief it barely counts but the larger man whimpers and tries to grab him before he pulls away.

“If we’re going to do this, I need you to promise me that you’ll tell me to hit the brakes if you need to; it won’t change my dedication to the case.”

“I promise.” There’s no dishonesty in his face, just boundless hope and affection.

“In that case, big guy” he lunges forward, pinning him to the rug, “you’re all mine.”

An unexpectedly high whine leaves his lover.

“You like when I’m rough?”

“Uh, uh huh, so much, people always want me to be and I don’t want to, wanna be, wanna beAHHHhhnnn” he arches his back as Joseph bites the patch of skin just below his beard.

“You’re so gentle, big guy, I thought you’d go straight to making love but” another bite, another gasp, “I think I’d better fuck you instead.”

“Please.” Barclays hands glide up to cup Joseph’s face and guide him down into another kiss.

Joseph rolls his hips forward and his sleeves up as speaks, “Now that you mention it, I can see how things would’ve gone if we met earlier. I was an obedient son but not beyond sneaking someone into my room when my parents were away” he undoes Barclay’s shirt, keeps grinding against him and licking his lips as he feels him getting hard, “or maybe we met down here, and you’d sneak me into the backyard.”

“Fuck, yes.” Barclays chest heaves as Joseph cards his fingers up through the dark hair to tease his nipples, “god, if how I, fuck, feel now is a clue, I’d have been so fucking mad for you.” He makes a charming groan as Joseph tongues his nippls and then nibbles his way up to his ear.

“It’s funny” Joseph kisses his cheek, “I knew so many guys like you on the force. Not you now, used to hard work and worry, but you then; spoiled and softer than a boiled egg.” He allows himself a moment of savoring their cocks teasing each other through their pants before continuing, “always wanted to discipline them, because it was clear no one ever did.”

“Please show me how.”

“Why?” He grins down at him, toying with his left nipple until it’s bright red.

“Because I wanna be good for you, Joseph. Wanna be every fantasy you ever had.”

“...Lord god almighty how am I supposed to say no to that?” Joseph undoes his suspenders, laughing at Barclay’s triumphant smile, “you’re a dream, big guy.”

He crawls so he’s straddling Barclays face, cock dripping pre-cum onto his lips. Barclays tongue keeps peeking out from between them, but doesn’t go further without permission.

“Since this is disciplinary, you don’t get a say in how it goes. You’ll take my cock as long and as deep as I want it, because I’m superior to you and you’re here to do what I say”

“Fuckyeah” Barclay paws Joseph’s thighs, opens his mouth so he can guide the head in.

“That, ohyes, that being said, if it’s really too much, tap my thigh twice.”

Barclay nods to show he understands, but is already pre-occupied sucking his cock like he’s starving for it.

“A good start, big guy, but if I just wanted my cock wet I’d have gone swimming.” He cups the back of Barclays head in both hands, “I want something to fuck, and your face is it.”

The man beneath him moans, fucks the air uselessly as Joseph pushes further in. He finds the resistance of his throat with a half-inch to go, and decides that’s good enough. He pulls halfway out, pushes back in, repeats the process a few times before finding his rhythm. Weeks of wanting mean it’s hurried and greedy, but the resulting moans suggest Barclay approves.

“You look so good like this, Barclay. God, if you’d been some fresh-faced officer, one look of those doe-eyes is all it, shit, would’ve taken for me to make this the only discipline you ever got. Any time I needed to put you in your place or just, fuck, just needed to let off some steam, I’d do this, get my, my cock in your mouth so often you’d run out of spit and be thankful for my cum in, in it’s place.”

Barclay is groping him again, eyes bright and lips managing some upward curve as his cock forces them apart.

“Then again” he tenderly massages Barclay’s scalp, “there’s no reason I can’t do that in this universe. Oh, ohshit, Barclay-” his words desert him as he cums, the other man swallowing eagerly and sucking him clean before he pulls out.

Joseph glances over his shoulder, “Can I take care of that for you?”

“Fuck, please?”

He rolls off of the cook, stays on his side and slips one arm under his shoulders. Then he sets his palm on the monstrous bulge in Barclay’s jeans and sets to work.

“I, I should unzip-”

“No” he kisses him, “we’re surrounded by evidence that I can’t have you cumming on. Don’t worry, I’ll clean up the mess you make cumming in your pants like a teenager.”

“Promise?” It’s an odd thing to say, but Joseph thinks he understands.

“I promise.” He quickens his pace, Barclay’s grunts growing louder when he does, “I’ll take care of you, big guy. I’ll look after you. You don’t have to lift a finger when I’m around.”

“Joseph.” Is all the reply he gets, Barclay already turning as cum spreads across his fly and clinging to the detective. His breath is hot, stays shaky even as his cock stops pulsing.

“Barclay? Baby, are you alright?”

“So fucking good, babe. I, I uh” he holds him tighter, “this is the first thing to make sense to me in years. Loving you, having you in my life, I get how we fit together so easily. Everything else, the murder, Ma, this person lurking around the last place that feels like home waiting to hurt me or hurt Mama or someone there, all of it, it’s so goddamn tangled I’m worried it’ll never get straight.”

Joseph rests their cheeks together, “We’ll figure it out, big guy. I promise.”

[surveys-at-your-service]

Survey #322

“you will hear it when your god cries  /  you will see it when the sun dies  /  upon the altars of change”

What is your favorite nickname that you’ve had? "Bee," from my old best friend. I don't want others calling me it, though. Where did you go on the best date you’ve been on? A big arcade. It was a super fun double-date. Have you ever gotten a professional massage? No, and I don't want one. It'd be so awkward. What’s your favorite milkshake flavor? Chocolate. What act would you be most likely to perform in a talent show? I got nothin'. If you had braces, do you wear your retainers still? I don't. If you had braces, have your teeth moved since you got them off? Yep, because of the whole "not wearing my retainer" thing. Whose was the first baby shower you remember attending, and for what baby? I'm unsure. Possibly my sister's for her first daughter. Do you know anyone personally who’s lost a child? Many people. When was the last time you did something that felt like rebellion? So every now and again, I get a massive craving for soda at night, so I grab one from the kitchen and can hear my sleeping mother rightfully nagging me about it, haha... What is one present you got for your last birthday? Ashley got me this really cool skull bank that says "tattoo fund" on it, aha. I love it. What is one thing that you took to show and tell as a kid? I have a clear memory of bringing a Snorlax plushie one day. Do you remember losing your first tooth? Not my first, no. Are you afraid to pop a balloon? Not really, but it's kinda easy to make me jump just a lil bit when one is popped. When was the last time you laughed when you shouldn’t have? I don't know. Which was better: the first The Lion King or the second? That is fucking HARD. I adore both, but I think the original is slightly better. Do any of your grandparents have a tattoo? I'm pretty sure none of them did. Do you believe that your pets feel love towards you? My cat, definitely. As for my snake, I'm aware that snakes' brains simply aren't developed enough for love, but she clearly trusts me. Are you proud of your body? Fuck no. I'm humiliated by it every waking moment. Watermelon or cherries? I don't like either, but if I had to pick, watermelon. Favourite brand of cookies? I don't really have a favorite brand. Have you ever stuck gum under a desk/chair? No, that shit grosses me out. When shopping at a grocery store, do you return your cart or just leave it? Return your goddamn cart. What is one thing you’d never want your parents to find out? Uhhhh. I guess places I've "done it." When you were little, did you like Dr. Suess books? I did. Do you like eating out at restaurants? Yeah; at least, before Covid. What was your least favorite year of your life so far? Fuck 2016 into the next millenium. Do you like fried bologna? I haven't had it in so long that I don't really remember the taste. I think I would. Have you spent money on a game online? Yeah, very briefly with WoW. Mom was nice enough to refresh my subscription after the breakup (Jason paid for it prior), but from then on, I was rich enough in-game to use monthly game tokens to "pay." Do you put a line through your "7"s? Yes. What about your "Z"s? Also yes. Do you like cold pizza? Yeah, yummy. Do you like broccoli and cheese? Yessss. Toaster or toaster oven? We've always used a toaster oven. What are you most known for? Being artsy, I guess. Do you have any reputations? What are they? *shrug* What was the last thing to leave you speechless? No clue. What is the curviest part of your body? Well, I'm overweight, so it's difficult to tell where I'm naturally curvy... but I guess my hips. Even when I was at a perfectly healthy weight though, I don't think I was exceptionally curvy anywhere. What is your opinion on sex change? You are entirely deserving to feel comfortable in your own body. If you’re still a virgin, how important is your virginity to you? I'm not, though I thought I was when we were together, when we were really just using a loophole. It was a denial thing BECAUSE my virginity was so important to me. If you have lost it already, do you regret it? No. Would you take a break after graduating from high school (like, postpone going to college for a year or so)? I didn't. What regret keeps coming back to haunt you daily? Things I said to Jason. If you could cure yourself of one allergy, what would it be? Pollen. Would you ever post a picture of yourself crying on social media? No. Have you ever held a newborn baby? Yeah, my most recent niece I actually held. I don't THINK I held Aubree or Ryder as newborns because I was so afraid of not doing it right and hurting them. Do you know anyone who has twins? Yeah. Are you following in the career path of any family members? No. What is your favorite country in Europe? Germany. How many times have your comments been top comments on YouTube? A few times. I rarely ever comment, but if I do, it's because I feel like I really have something worth saying. Would you ever wear a wig? I'm not opposed to it. Do you like the moon or sun more? The moon. Do you like turkey or ham more? Ham. Have you ever slapped someone’s butt? Yes. Do you think dimples are ugly? I think they're cute, actually. Have you ever deleted Facebook friends for a significant other? No. Have you ever spent the night in jail? No. Do you consider yourself a good kisser? I assume I am from experiences. Do you watch Pewdiepie? Not anymore, no. His current content doesn't interest me. The most recent thing I watched was his playthrough of The Last of Us 2, because I adore the first game and definitely wanted to see him play the sequel. I think he's pretty funny and have no personal issues against him, though then again I am so uninvolved in the fandom that I have no idea if he's done something stupid again. Do you like "Despacito?" Haha, my mind went to The Dark Den's bearded dragon before the song... I'm not a fan of it, no. Did you ever color your hair pink? No, but I absolutely want to dye it pastel pink one day. :( I even edited a picture of me "testing" different hair colors out, and pastel pink looked suuuuper pretty. Do you drink energy drinks? No, they're too strong for my taste. Do you have any subscribers on YouTube? I don't now how many I have, but I know it's below 100. Do you have a Steam account? Yeah. Have you ever played Five Nights at Freddy’s? No, but I enjoy the franchise. I'm not totally clear on all the lore, though. Do you like religion? Quite honestly, no. Do you swear in front of children? No. What is the next craft you are going to make? There's no telling. I don't really do crafts. What was your favorite Backstreet Boys song? Maybe "The Call." Favorite *N Sync song? I don't remember enough of them, at least not right now. Which of those two bands did you like best? The BSB, baby. Do you learn choreography easily? When I danced, I'd say I learned at a fairly average pace. What’s your favorite candy to receive on Halloween? Reeseeeeeee's. <3 Do you have a bobblehead? No. Have you ever had a lead role in a play? No. Have you ever been insulted or called names by a significant other? No. I wouldn't tolerate that shit. What’s your favorite movie battle scene? Oh man, idk. Maybe something from Troy, though I honestly barely even remember the movie by now, haha. Have you ever been to a same-sex wedding? No, actually. Who takes care of your pet(s) when you’re out of town? Hypothetically, one of my sisters would come to feed and water Roman and clean his box. I'm certain I couldn't talk either into spraying Venus' cage, though... What was the last thing you wrote down on paper? Some group work during therapy. Did you have a Walkman when you were a kid? No. What’s your favorite recipe you’ve come up with? Oh dear, I don't make those. Do you like celery? Yuck, no. By what age could you swallow pills? I dunno. A normal age. Do you like to drink alot of water? I need to drink more. :/ I've gotten better, though. For years, I literally never drank water. How I even survived, idk. How many times have you gone fishing? Countless times. Ever been to a roller-skating rink? Yeah. I loved having bday parties there as a lil'un. What do you refer to your mother as? (Mom, momma, mommy) Mom, Ma, and Mama. Have you ever swam in the ocean? Yeah, multiple times. What is the last movie that made you cry? I think the remake of The Lion King. What would you like to swim in other than water? Nothing? If you could uninvent one thing what would you chose? Damn, just one? Maybe cigarettes? Have you ever read someone's diary? Absolutely not. I respect people's privacy. Have you ever played in a waterfall? No, but that'd be dope. Who has inspired you the most in your life? Probably Mark. Is there a place where everyone who lives near you tends to hang out? Idk. Teens sure do love to hang out at Sonic, though, reving their stupid fucking trucks. Does your alarm clock wake you with music, or with an annoying buzz sound? Music. Did you make it all the way through the Oregon Trail game? Yes; I was obsessed with those as a kid. Lions and tigers and bears, oh my! Which one are you more scared of? I feel like being alone with a tiger would scare me most. Though let's be real, I'd probably try to pet it. Have you ever changed your favorite color? From what to what? It was originally red, but then became pink when I actually understood it was its own color. Then it was maroon forever, and now it's back to pink. On a scale of 1-10, how competitive are you? Eh, 4-6? It depends on the situation, I guess. At what age did your have your most memorable birthday? My 21st, because I was in the psych hospital for it. Yes or no: Guys in skinny jeans? Yeah, man. Yes or no: Girls with dreads? Some people can pull it off. Have you ever attended a themed b-day party? What was the theme? Oh yeah, plenty. Do you have any Eminem on your iPod/MP3 player? I do. Has anybody ever given you a promise ring? No. What do you think about putting ‘spinners’ on cars? So long as they're not too distracting, I don't care. Do what you want with your car - again, so long as it is not disruptive. What celebrity do you wish would have a big comeback? I wish poor Britney Spears could catch a goddamn break and be happy again. She's a legend that doesn't deserve to feel like a puppet. Were you outdoors or indoors more as a kid? I'd say there was a pretty even split. Do you or have you ever owned a horse? No, but I LOVE horses. Have you ever had a relationship that began via text? (weird, I know, but it happens…) Most of my relationships started through a text message. Did you believe in unicorns as a small child? I don’t think so. Would you ever date a guy with longer hair than yourself? Yeah; I have short hair anyway, and I also like long hair on guys. Do you watch the show Wizards of Waverly Place? I used to love that show. Have you ever been to the rainforest? No; humidity aside though, that would be so amazing. Bats are not spooky or are they? I think they're precious. Do you like the song "Womanizer?" I sure do, actually. Do you like ice cream cake? Not really, but I'll eat it. Do you know how to change a tire? Nope. What kind of headphones do you have? Just cheap earplugs. Do you experiment a lot with new looks on yourself? No. What were some fun experiments you did in science class as a kid? Dissecting a frog was my favorite, and doing the same with an owl pellet was also very cool. What was the last strong emotion you felt? Guilt. I lied to get out of group therapy early because I was just NOT feeling it whatsoever that day, and I hate lying. Do you use dry shampoo between washes? No. Have you ever lived with someone you didn’t get along with? No. What types of animals have you had as pets? Jeez, what haven't we had... We've had cats, dogs, snakes, rats, gerbils, a rabbit, hamsters, lizards, fish, guinea pigs... Hell, I'm probably forgetting one or two. Can you name three good things about your most recent ex? She's so creative, a real advocate for proper reptile education and appreciation, and very kind. Name three bands/artists that you hate. Uhhh The Talking Heads, Bob Dylan, and The Police. What’s the best memory you have of your father? Playing softball with him in the front yard, and when he taught me to ride a bike. Should tattoos be meaningful? You get a tattoo for whatever reason you damn well want. I don't plan on all of mine to be meaningful. Some stuff I just want because I think it's cool. Are you afraid of the dark? No. Have you ever been through a trap door? No. What's the most recent good news you’ve heard? Hm. Who was the last person in your family to have a baby? My older sister. When’s the last time you used the microwave? Last night. What’s the worst thing in your life right now? Financial struggles. Have you ever owned a tire swing? No. Does anyone you know own a bird that can talk? No. Have you ever been someplace tropical? Yeah, Florida. Have Jehovah'ss witnessess ever called to your door? Yep. when was the last time you went to mass/church? I have no idea. It's been many years. Have you ever experienced sleep paralysis? Thank heavens no.

[wo-wann-was-wer]

WHAT I WAS THINKING: DARK SEASON 3 EDITION

EPISODE 1:

Who are these dudes with the harelip and what do they want

Why did she just take him to a cave and leave that’s kinda rude

So everything in this universe is just gonna be backwards. Love it

Ugh I’ve said this a million times but this show has such Fringe energy and I can’t wait to get a tattoo for this too

This is super freaking me out, i dont like that everyone’s in everyone else’s house.

Ooooh Katharina with glasses yes girl you better work.

I like Michael and this hat he’s rocking

Super into the fact that magnus and fransizka are involved in this universe too

There’s nothing cuter than sex before school. Ahhh the nostalgia

Ten bucks says that Hannah gets out of this bed and is pregnant

Fucking YEP

I am loving Martha in this Jonas journey

I know that all they did was flip the lens of the camera but my brain is breaking at this flipped Winden

Who the fuck is this random dude Martha is with

You know what he kind of looks like Jonas. I wonder if that's relevant or if I'm just grasping at straws

Bartosz looks like he's going to his first grade violin recital

I straight up just did not recognize Charlotte with makeup. She looks hot

There's got to be another person in that picture other than Ulrich because that's a lot of space to rip out for one person

okay hold up Woller looks so good and then when I saw that he was missing an arm I almost lost my fucking mind

Oh shit okay Hannah is living in Katharina's house.

Oh my God are Ulrich and Charlotte having an affair

Is it normal in Germany for kids to just walk into classes that aren't there’s and just sit down

follow up he has a clear noose mark on his neck

Aleksander looks so hot with this beard. universe B is the fucking glow up universe

It's weirding me out that the whole school is black and gray instead of light brown

The look of satisfaction on katharina's face

Wow honestly Louis just broke my heart with his facial expression when he realized his mom didn't know who he was

he looks so scared

Yes yes do it afffffffffair

Oh no you done got found out!!!

Oh the theme of the play here is red and set of gold

Fransizka looks so cute in this little outfit

Oh my God she's deaf!!!!

What the fuck. the fact that this actress can talk is blowing my mind

RIP to Regina a real queen

Peter's a fucking priest

All the fucking weird-ass freaky motherfucking trio is back

The dopplers have the same house That's cool

excuse me sir I think your child is broken

these guys are so creepy What the fuck

I definitely don't like the piano wire

oh this motherfucker is the one who gets lost

I feel like winden in this universe is just a little bit fancier

Well Charlotte and Ulrich just be fucking like crazy

Bartosz is the Jonas of this group and I love it

who was that??????

I cannot get over Aleksander in this beard

I like that things are opposite but they also have things that are different enough.

Like I'm so into the fact that they all went down into the bunker

who in the unholy fuck is that. who is that

Oh shit old Martha

What the fuck is this Tannhaus’ factory we're at

hold up Martha's in 1888

What the fuck. why is Jonas in 1888 and looking SO good

EPISODE 2:

casually sitting over your bed watching you sleep

he's look so good though

yo what the fuck everybody else is there too

Oh no things got really ugly at Mads’ wake

Not for nothing but Tronte is a dick

I kind of don't understand why Claudia would want Regina to live in such pain in this type of universe

Peter is such a good boy

lurking is the freaking national past time of this place

Oh shit we got some spin-off timeline stuff good

who is This is blind guy

I love Katharina so fucking much

I know what she's thinking and it's the same thing I'm thinking which is can I kill a child

why does this picture of Tronte make him look like Jimmy Smits

Katharina looks amazing in this jacket

Also I definitely did not just start yelling GO GET YOUR MAN KATHARINA

Regina just gets more and more badass as time goes on. Also all of the women of the tiedemann family are so fucking badass

I am so excited to watch this fucking relationship develop. they're both too cute

awwww he's using signs!

oh they're writing back and forth

DAMNIT PETER

I always feel like little Noah should do fuckboy sign offs when he leaves rooms because he's so smooth

yesterday Laurel said that this was back to the future but serious and just now Bartosz said it's not super easy to get nuclear fuel in 1888 and now I think that Laurel's right

I will never get over how good he looks JONAAAASSSSSSS

This guy feels like the OG inventor of sic mundus right

Katerina why are you even trying to check in at the front desk bitch Go and get your man

Is this Katarina's mom why does she just recognize that woman's name

everyone on the show is so talented.I spend the whole damn time being like oh my god the performances on the show and it's like yeah we know

Katerina get your man

I literally love them so much look at the look on her face She is a mama bear She is not going to let anybody take her man or her children and I love her

Not a huge fan of people who quote Shakespeare right before they kill other people or am I an enormous fan of people who use Shakespeare right before they kill other people

using a garotte to kill someone is ugly as fuck

I feel so bad for Jana

see this is one of the reasons why I'm like why would you bring Regina back to this world.

wowwwww TRONTE what's up dude

YO WHAT

Oh so how did Charlotte get back there but Elizabeth's still there too. didn't they switch places?

oh the head bump

Not excited for the mother daughter abuse stuff that's about to happen

I love these split sequences that they do at the end

anytime somebody stands and stairs for a lonely at a spot on the ground I assume to somebody died there

Oh shit that guy is a tannhausokkkk I see you

a religious images we love to see it.

This show is a whole series of pause that frame.

No I ruined something for myself!!!!

EPISODE 3

got to love those through and through Ariadne references

okay so Charlotte's great great grandfather has her watch?

who are these horrible traveler human beings

they look like less sexy Francis dolarhydes

I can't get over the fact that wollers missing an arm here I swear

we ARE the glitch BITCH

alternate universe Ulrich is a better person than standard Ulrich

what's this new like zoom-y thing they're doing

I was attracted to Magnus at this jump of the show but he looks better with dark hair

How did they not all die of fucking flu

eternally repeating deja vu

I looked at the production stills and I was like what the fuck is this hair do that Moritz has but he looks amazing

Also everyone on this show deserves an acting award

and Magnus is wearing a skeleton sweater

Hannah does that deep dive detective work any bitch knows the Nose doesn't lie

why doesn't anybody want to fuck wöller

omgggg eat the RICH

also he has that x tattoo on his hand that represents the no future thing

oh the light is rectangular and not circular ooooooh fancy

The show is also a lot of people catching each other's wrists as they walk away

I knew we couldn't trust this bitch

What did he give her

I love the parallels and characters behaviors between universe a and universe b

I want to know how Noah factored into all of this on this side

Martha has a type and her type is iconically Aryan

Oh Aleksander's back with that beard he's back

Hannah is such a snake

Omg that's her!!!!! I thought she was a trans actress.. hm. not super happy bout that :/

What is Helge talking about Ulrich did what??? omg

I would be like SIR DO WE NEED TO FIGHT STOP FOLLOWING ME

I stopped taking notes for the last half of that episode cuz I was really sucked in haha

EPISODE 4

FIRST OF ALL I'D LIKE TO GO ON RECORD THAT I DON'T CARE FOR THESE GENTLEMEN AT ALL

second of all why is this guy being like oh I took your name

why does he have Agnes's bracelet I don't like that

I don't like anything about this guy That's the end of the story

Also hold up a red hot second is Agnes dead cuz if so that's a hate crime

see what did I say

I knew that Hannah was going to get involved with Egon

from the second she walked in that office I was like that bitch has her eye on him and as she should he's handsome as fuck

Also he spoils her so much more than any other man she's ever been with AKA is Egon the only man she ever deserved

Is Hannah going to develop a heart cuz I'm not sure how I feel about that

Also what happens if Hannah gets pregnant

why is Ines a bitch I thought she was mad cool the beginning and now I feel fucking deceived

Also it's such a sweet gig that The kids who are playing kids can now play teenagers

poor Doris. Also he was shitty to her but he was far nicer than I would have been

Doris is so beautiful it's bullshit

older Magnus is so handsome

All I wanted was middle-aged Martha

bitch you have been having unprotected sex with him why do you think that pregnancy was not on the tabl

I'm like who's this guy in the church if it's not Noah I bet it's that little bitch

yeah I fucking knew it

Is this the dude that was married to Agnes I feel like this guy isn't real or something

I'm not surprised he let her go but I don't know why I'm not surprised. I feel like she's important to his timeline and I'm not sure why

look at these relationships forming between these sweet little bab

Hannah looks good in this red. Hannah looks good in all of these styles. 

who is this child

I like that already as a child Bernd had his eye on Claudia as someone who was smart and had a ton of potential

 I keep forgetting that I'm taking notes because I get so invested in episodes

Also I realize the zoomi thing which is going back and forth between the universes

Is Agnes Silja’s mom And if so with whom 

he gave her Agnes’ bracelet that dope All right Tronte

Wow Claudia needs to back off her man

Claudia force him into a relationship with her

I fucking hate Hannah but sometimes she speaks so much sense

ooh I don't need anyone Yes girl that's true You don't need anyone You needing people was what made you act fucking crazy You don't need anybody

This was always my big problem with Hannah was that I initially identified with her because she was such a survivor but then she did such horrible reprehensible things I just couldn't let it go and I absolutely couldn't identify with her anymore

Oh here's my daddy Noah looking so good

I mean okay so I have been in this position before where I was cheating and then my man cheated on me and I was like how dare you but also you cannot be mad if your partner cheats on you when you cheated too. You both fucked up

Is Hannah going to have a redemption arc cuz that's a lot

Oh my God she's not going to get rid of this child is she

Oh my great God I cannot believe that she gave Helene that necklace. 

I knew she was fucking connected to Katharina in the older generation I knew it

Louis and Lisa are a super cute couple and I know that they're not dating in real life but I think that they're very cute together

Oh everybody fucking

yeah they created the Apocalypse yeah

Oh no they have a child outside of worlds that's a mess How does that work so they had they gave birth to that ugly fuck

honestly I hate that he's their child for the most part just because he's ugly as fuck and neither of them are ugly as fuck so it makes me mad.

[polygamyff]

56. Part 7

I have missed Maurice so much, it was just one night and that is enough for me “you know like before we go, I just wanted to say, sit down. You and these heels” Maurice laughed at me as he sat down, he know damn well I am struggling. I don’t know why either, I like these heels. Sitting back down “shit is not what it is or seems, I love you like crazy and I assumed the worst, I for one was angry. I am so happy for you, I am happy you have found them, they are good people. I said that in New York, but I don’t want you to think I am stopping you from seeing them, I don’t care. They can come to the wedding; they can come to the event. I just felt like you were shutting me down, if you didn’t say that I would have stayed my ass in the home, I just needed some time to breathe but this. This life, this partying is not me. I don’t care for other women, I wanted to be with you, my pregnant fiancé, I am happy. I am not a bad guy, I am just used to what I am used to now, I just don’t get the time to be delving into that part of my business. Then I will end up busy, I leave that for other people but I just” he seems like he is fighting himself “I just don’t want to seem I hate the poor, I felt that. A lot happened and I just hated it, you were angry with me too. You seemed to have chosen them over me, I felt it, so I went in hard and so did you. But I don’t want shit like that to break us, I don’t want to let people come between us” he is explaining himself again, bless him “I get it, I do. I don’t think you are a bad person Maurice; I just was angry at that moment and then ended up causing more shit then I should have. It upset me that you said well you will be here longer then me anways and found it a sick joke. I don’t like that either, that also pissed me off a lot. But I try to make you less stressed, but I make it worse, I feel like you have it worse then your dad and it hurts me. I don’t say it but it’s there, I do think about it and it will probably be me pushing you into the early grave because I do stress you. Like ok” here I go with the water works “ok I found real family but that will never compare to my love for you, that got me angry too. I seen my dad’ grave and then you said that I wish you never had drugs, I wish I met you before because I get scared Maurice, ugh! I didn’t want to cry” Maurice shuffled over to me “I laugh because then it’s better than I cry Robyn, I am sorry. I just say it without a care” Maurice hugged me “this shit will always be with me, I know that. I won’t joke about it again, it’s not really a joke when it’s kicking my ass most of the time” I don’t even want to think about it.

Thank god I can save my make up “you want to stay around here for a little while before we go back?” Maurice asked, moving my mirror away from my face “really?” I said, “I mean you want me to be around you?” Maurice frowned at me “why wouldn’t I want you around this? I am not ashamed of you, you’re actually the most beautiful woman here. Don’t say that again, we can just stay around here if you would like” I smiled “if you want, I don’t mind” I mean it would be interesting to see what the rich get up too behind closed doors “it’s not that fun though, if you ain’t taking drugs then it’s boring but we can relax. Relax with the boys” look at my baby, he wants to hang around with me “sure, I am done now. Do I look ok?” Maurice nodded his head at me “you look beautiful, as always” he got up from the couch “I am tired though but we can hang here for a while and then go, I miss the small bed and your foot up my ass” he is so annoying “so now my bed is small?” smirking at him “oh don’t start” wrapping my arm around his “I am joking, I had Reign in bed with me and she woke me up by placing open mouth kisses on my face and then staring at me. My face was full of drool, I am like I am not your father. Stop that” Maurice laughed “she does that a lot to me, she sees it a way of waking me up, but she did get that from somewhere, she must see you do it. I miss her a lot, I miss her bossy self-walking around getting in everyone’s business, she will be asleep by the time we get back” I hate myself for saying what I said to him.

Watching Maurice and Quincy play pool, I didn’t think Maurice would be so good at it, but he is “wooo! See that, y’all see that?” Maurice put the white ball in, how stupid of him “that was a mistake, I don’t even know what you are laughing at Cyn, you just as bad. He got lucky” Maurice stood in front of me “I never said I was good, let’s start off there” Maurice pressed a kiss to the top of my head “well you try to act like it, ain’t you got some hoes to try and get to sleep with you” I don’t understand male friendship, all they do is disrespect each other “not when they all want to sleep with a billionaire, no! Nigga once you leave we on” side eyeing this dude “have some respect, my fiancé is here” Maurice said kissing his teeth “I am sorry, just these girls want to get with him but he in love with you, they lost out. You good, he is so boring anyways. Going to sleep, then he didn’t. He saw some ass shaking and then he left again” looking at Maurice he looks so annoyed “is that right?” I asked him “he is just being dumb, I was just tired” look at him shrugging it off “well I got my best suit ready, we going to turn up at the wedding. He ain’t invited, I am though. It’s nice to meet you, you’re amazing. I follow you actually, the selfies are amazing” I blushed “really, when I went on-” Maurice cut me off “when she stalked your page, she meant” hitting his arm “I went on your page Quincy I didn’t notice” I really didn’t “I been following you, it’s like hard to find a girl like yourself. I am happy for him, y’all cute and shit” smiling lightly “thank you, he’s ok” playing it off “he’s ok, he’s a little slow, I think he is” Maurice scoffed “mama always said I was special” my baby is so cute, just smiling and enjoying himself.

I think I have decided, I shouldn’t give these hoes so much power because I mean, I have class and they are there, and I am here with the boys. I am the only female sat with them, wrapping my arms around Maurice’ as I rested my head on his shoulder, I must admit though they are boring. They talk nothing but bullshit about random shit, it’s rather boring “actually, before shit comes out. I am going to be a dad again, Robyn is pregnant again” Quincy gasped “oh shit nigga, I am so happy for you my nigga. Congratulations, you finna have a young king. I am saying it now, you going to have a boy” I chuckled, Quincy is so passionate about that “you have to name him Quincy, you hear that Robyn” shaking my head “I don’t like the name” I said smiling “wow, rude but that is dope. Maurice going to be a father again, I am happy for you Maurice and Robyn” moving my head away from Maurice’ shoulder and looking at Maurice’ face, he can’t stop smiling “I think I want it to be a boy, it would be perfect. One boy and one girl, don’t you think?” Maurice nodded his head “but it’s whatever, shit is fine with me” pecking Maurice’ lips.

Looking down at Robyn’ phone “I took like three pictures, you got to like one of them” they look good too “you should hire, I take good pictures” passing Robyn’ phone to her “I will be the judge of that, you better get the scenery in that, this home is too cute” standing at the side of Robyn seeing Quincy walk over to us “you using my pops home as a backdrop you better tag me in that” he pointed out “you hear that?” I said to Robyn “mhmm, I will think about that, but I will hire you Maurice, you can be hired as my photographer” I grinned “so you going now? Is that it, you use my bed and you go?” Quincy is funny “you should like a hurt ex, calm down! I have a lot going on now, so I will try and meet up with you, but if you coming New York ways, I am always there” hitting his shoulder “I got you, I will but I guess I will see you be the boss nigga huh, you go there and get them angry aight? You be out there and hold your head up high my brother, you deserve it. You have put a lot into that Davenport company and name, I know this. You have changed a lot, I seen it” smiling at Quincy “come here, thank you” hugging Quincy.

Looking over at Robyn in the passenger seat, she is so quiet “I bet that Uber bill was high?” it’s a little far out “somewhat, long way too. I had to make small talk to the Uber driver and then I think he assumed I was a whore they wanted to come; I mean do I look like it?” I smirked “you my whore, it’s ok. My whore is back with me now” patting Robyn’ thigh “be quiet, anyways. These homes are so nice, like it is so different out here. There is a massive divide though” turning the sharp corner “you know this home, it’s coming up now” I slowed down “you see Diddy’ crib was not far from this, this was the home I rented, it still can be rented but I paid cash. I hid here, party every day, night. People came in and out, if you see here” I stopped the car “this building work is new, someone was hallucinating and drove their car into it, that is when my dad found out where I was because they knew who I was, the company that rented this to me. They charged my dad, I found out my dad is coming. I ran off again, but like I don’t remember how I got there. I made friends, but friends I don’t remember. I was in that room” I pointed “I just didn’t know what I was doing but I knew the end was near, I had all theses niggas around here coming to the home, they loved it. Parties were rolling, it never stopped. So it’s like now I am over it, they ain’t. They went home, I lived here. I was abusing myself but all these people that live here, they all crackheads” I drove off slowly “god wanted you here, clearly. I hate hearing these stories, I should have whored myself here. You would have met me then” Robyn saying that made me laugh “don’t ever say that, ever. It’s not a good life. But I just feel for these rich kids out there, they all high on something, I wouldn’t want my kids growing up here. I mean it could happen in New York but I will, if I am here I will try to shield them” Robyn scoffed “me and you are going to fall out again, stop saying that shit” Robyn hates it but it’s true, I like to add that in “I hate you” I laughed at Robyn saying such a lie “and this is where Ben Affleck lives, he ain’t all that good either” looking over at Robyn, she ain’t speaking to me now I guess “hey, stop it. We good, I am ok right? I mean you didn’t bring my medication which takes another hour off of my life” Robyn scoffed “do you want me to cry? Is that what you want from me?” shaking my head smiling “I am just joking, come on now” if I don’t laugh then I will just cry about it, shit sucks for me more then anything.

I have totally upset Robyn again “you know I like to be open with you Robyn, like everything and anything that goes on. I don’t want to shy away from my illness, I get you don’t think of me anything different but it’s there and it always reminds me of it. If I talk about it or make jokes about it, I am not upset about it. I mean it’s weird to not be upset about something that gives me pain. I just can’t predict things; I could be like my dad and live until then, but I just don’t know. But this reaction with you, I don’t want to shy away from it from you. You know, tell me?” maybe my little jokes is not the best for Robyn because she doesn’t not like it, I don’t want to be arguing with Robyn while on the highway now “it’s hard Maurice, I just want to marry you. I want to grow old with you and I forget, I just see you as a healthy man. And then there is me just wasting times with you over that, I didn’t need to just be so angry, we could have resolved it. I don’t forget but I want to forget, things can be ok but with the life you lived took its toll on your body and this is what hurts me. You told me your dad lived a clean life, but now. He is in pain, he lives in pain and I can only imagine how he is, it’s a hard topic of conversation and I feel so passionate about the subject, when anyone picks at it or calls me your carer. It is a senstivie thing to me, the way to fight this is a clean life. And you took that when you wanted to not care. Don’t you think when I hear you are in pain, I am scared. I rather do major brain surgery for hours because this, with you stresses me out more then that. I am dealing with it but I don’t want you to shy away from it either, just be kind to me about it” nodding my head “now you know why my dad always did extravagant parties for me, another year I am still here. I will stop making such jokes, I love you so much Robyn” reaching over and holding her hand “I love you too, I can’t wait to leave Cali. What hell this is” she got that right.

[averymessyxmas]

Chapter 7

adding songs to each character based on the plot or present song) (I have not proof read SORRY FOR TYPOS)

MJ: “Last Time” -Trey Songz:

After 5 cups of Exclusive Liquor Gia and I was making out on the couch, I was trying to get her bra off, while she was trying to get my belt off. I wasn’t thinking about Danielle, my kids nothing, the liquor and emotions was taking over. My iPhone kept going off. Gia got up and sighed, she passed me my phone. “You still married” She said with an attitude. I palmed my face sitting up on the couch. She passed me my keys. “I’m not doing this with you Malcom, I told you I’m not your #2, stop hitting me up and seeing me when I’m second on your mind or your wife and you have issues” Gia said. I shook my head. “It ain’t like that G” I said. She laughed. “Then what is it then, you always do this, and I fall for that stupid shit, I been with you since I was 16, I had your back when you was selling that shit, I bet your perfect wife knows nothing about your past, I was there, I helped your grandma bail you out and you sidelined me fuck you!” She yelled at me. I shook my head and picked up a picture frame she had of us together. “Why you still waiting for then G?” I asked her. She shrugged her shoulders. “I’m not anymore, I got somebody that I been putting to side because I’m scared another Nigga will come up in my life in make me a side chick when I was the main bitch, I deserved the ring, but all I got was Dick and trust issues”. She walked over to the linen closet. She threw a blanket at me. “You can crash on my couch tonight, but you got to be gone by morning” She simply said to me. “Gia, you act like you wasn’t out here having me look over my shoulders, you fucked my homeboy, you also had a whole nigga while I was jail, man fuck out here with that “Wifey” Shit, that’s why you just get the dick and she got my kids, and my ring”. I told her turning around. She started hitting my on my back. “Fuck you! I never fucked anybody you believed all the lies Mack told you about me, that’s on you stupid ass, be honest with yourself you just never loved me” She said. I shrugged my shoulders. “You held me down yeah, you helped me get out of jail, you helped me sell, you helped me but you didn’t better me G, you loved that hood life, I wanted out man, you kept wanting me to be down, I had to go to college and get my education, what are you doing with your life? Still waiting on a Nigga that’s married, you used to have dreams of doing hair and makeup, how’s that going?” I asked. She looked at me with her eyes watering. “I work at Mac now, I been doing what the fuck I got to do, but your right yeah I loved that life but I was young just like you, you still left me hanging, you just wanted somebody who didn’t remind you of who you used to be, now look at you, she’s out of your league and your crashing on my couch”. She walked away snatching the picture of Us off the table near the couch and tossed it in the trash before turning off the light and leaving me in the dark. “Man, what the fuck” I stressed.

Narkim:  (ASAP- T.I.) :

I was racing through 285 to get back to the West Side to give Mack this $50,000 for this drop I just had to do. “A nigga try to play me Ima blow him off the map ASAP” I sang zipping through cars in my range. When I pulled up at Macks spot. “Listen Nigga, I don’t know what you do for your respect, but Ima die for mine”. I milly rocked a little before getting out the car. “Finally, my best man done came through for me, how much they give you College Boy?” He asked. I dropped the bag infront of him. “50 thou” I told him. He smiled and opened the bag, “Take your cut nigga” he gave me 10 bands. I nodded. He motioned me to meet him in the back room. “Sit down youngin” He said. He sat on the desk while I sat in the chair. I was nervous around him ever since he pulled that glock on me. “Be easy man, chill, relax motherfucker” He said laughing. I tried my best. “Now, I noticed that, that little bitch Nisha has been having your head all fucking twisted kind of remind me of how MJ, had this little broad named Gia, fucking with his head and shit back when we was both big balling for King Ace, now MJ left the game got that white picked fence life, but I can tell you really made for this shit, you could one day take over my west side wing for me young blood, I mean you book smart, fye with the shit” He told me. I didn’t know If I wanted this as a career, can’t be a dope boy all your life, I could save maybe then get out the game but right now this shit excited me. He went in his drawer and passed me a strap. “Yoo Mack, I don’t know” I said to him. I put it back on the table. “Nigga, motherfuckers what to take yo spot, you riding round with my money, and your money it’s either kill or be killed” He told me. I nodded. He patted my back before leaving me to stare at the gun. I thought about what he said and grabbed the gun, my cut and bounced to my girl crib. “You off today?”  I asked her. She nodded. “I needed a break” She said. She climbed on me and kissed on me. “What’s up with you, where your head at baby?” She asked. I sighed and laid my head on her chest. “Nori, Mack, my family” I said to her. “What’s up with Nor Nor?” She asked. I sighed and looked at her, she lightly got up and sat near me. “Man, Andre’ in prison cause of me, I put the brick in his car, that shit been laying heavy on me ever since I found out my sister carrying his baby man, shit stressful, she could do this by herself cause of me, then Mack want me to take over the West Side turf, he gave me a strap, my parents divorcing, my brother fucking his teacher, MJ found out I’m selling he going to kill me before the streets do man”. I confessed to her. She just stared into space. “You got to tell Nori, you got to do something better with your life then just be a “West Side Turf” nigga”. She said. I shook my head. “Nah, if I tell my twin what I did she going be hurt forreal Nish, I can’t” I said to her. She palmed my face. “It will hurt you more to see her struggle with that baby more than it will to just tell her the truth, at least try to come up with the money to get Dre out, ASAP and maybe she will forgive you”. She told me. I kissed her. “Man, when I take over baby you wont have to strip no more, shit you don’t have to strip now I pay your rent, I bought you that Lexus you pushing we all good, you can be my Queen” I told her. She smiled. “Aww your trap queen? Worrying about both of our lives, our future kids lives, Prison, Nah nigga I’m cool” She said. I tickled her and kissed on her. She giggled. “Stop nigga, you going to keep playing or come to the room”. She said looking at me seductively. I smirked at her and undid my pants. “We can do it anywhere” I sang.

Nori: (Next morning) (9 days till Christmas) (“To Zion”- Lauryn Hill)

I woke up to a text from Narkim. “At Nish, I’m good, how’s nephew?” He asked. I texted back. “He’s fine, moving around”. I replied. I got up and took a shower and got ready to meet the fam downstairs for breakfast. I went into Narkims room and grabbed his Adidas track suit. I wanted to be cute through my pregnancy but for now I’m just hide it. I did my make up a little and straightened my hair. I felt pretty for once. I walked into the dining room where D, Vi, and Michael, Nylah and Nessa were. Mommy came down in her robe with her scarf still on. “No breakfast?” She asked. “Vi made Cinnamon rolls that’s it” D said. Nylah was going in on them rolls. “Dang La, can mama and I eat?” I said laughing. I poured some cereal and fixed 3 cinnamon rolls and dipped them in the cereal as I ate. I looked up to D and Mama looking at me. The others were having a debate on if Cinnamon rolls were better then French toast sticks. “You hungry?” My mama asked. I slowly nodded. “I didn’t eat much last night” I lied to her. She nodded. “Well guys, I had a dream about a fish again last night” She said. Everybody looked at me but D and La. I’m assuming Vi told Mike. “Mama you know that fish aint accurate, last time you assumed it was Nori, and she was still a virgin, who you think it is now me? I have been feeling crazy” D joked. She waved him off. “I was right about Dani both times, that last time, I assumed it was Vada”. She said looking at Vada. “Nah mama we good over here” She said. My mom nodded. “I see that” She laughed. “I assumed it was Nessa last time, but she was just about to graduate so I knew it wasn’t her, it wasn’t Dani, it wasn’t Nori, I even asked the boys if they got somebody pregnant” She giggled. “Now I could be wrong this time too, she looked at all of us suspiciously. “Mama I wrap it up, aint no babies this way” D said. She cut her eyes at him. “Better not be no hoes coming up in here claiming you got them pregnant, I will whoop yo ass “She said. He smirked at her, while Nylah was laughing but looking down. “Nori?” She asked. “You been weird lately, I know you better not be knocked up coming up in here after me and your daddy worked hard to get our baby girl in the best HBCU” She said. I tried my best to not make eye contact with her cause she could tell when I was lying. “Mama, I been busy with Majorette classes that’s the last thing on my mind” I lied. “Could be me!” Nessa blurted out. She looked at me then back at mom. She shook her head. “No man, no ring, you better not be before me and your father have met them” She said. Nessa laughed out a fake laugh. “Gotcha!” She said. My mom rolled her eyes laughing. “Yall are some funny kids, I could be wrong again, maybe Dani is pregnant again” She said. We all nodded. “Seems accurate or it could be Grandma Rudy” Vada said smirking. My mom threw a dry piece of cereal at her. “Shut up!” She laughed. “Where is that mother of mine anyways?” She asked. “Charles, I think” D said. My mama rolled her eyes. “Damn Charles”. La and I cleaned the kitchen while everyone chilled out for a little while, we were going to have Italian night with the family, catered from Olive Garden, it was going to be the 2nd family dinner since the last blow up we had. We wanted to be drama free for a moment. I went upstairs to take a nap. While I was dozing off, my mom walked in. Damn no privacy I thought. “Norielle, I know I’m hard on you and Narkim, but I want the best for all my kids, but you guys were my miracle babies, I expect nothing but greatness from yall” She said to me. I nodded. My baby had kicked me hard as shit. “Shhhhh” I said out loud. My mom looked at me crazy. “Cramps” I told her. She nodded. “I have pills if you need some, I’m sorry for excusing you, I know you not stupid” She said smiling before closing the door. I rolled my eyes. Shit happens, I’m not stupid. I pressed play on my phone for my music to play. I put the phone on my tummy, so the baby could hear music, so it could calm him down. “You trying to get me caught Baby” I said.

Vada: (“Sorry Not Sorry” -Demi Lovato)

It was 3pm and Omari had decided to meet me at this Milo mar a fancy lunch spot before Dinner. “Baby you like nice” Michael said kissing me. “Yeah meeting my old friends” I lied. He left to go in the living room of the guest house. “Hey Mike” I heard. I walked in the living room to see Nori. “Hey Nor, Nor, what’s up baby mama?” I said to her smiling rubbing on her tummy. “Nothing bored” She said. She laid on my bed while I closed the room door to finish getting ready. “Going out with Omari?” She asked. I shushed her. She shrugged. “Why open up a door you already closed for what?” She asked. I rolled my eyes.  “Nori it’s not like that”. I said. I looked at myself one more time before I grabbed my keys. I kissed Michael and walked out with Nori. “Don’t tell Nessa shit!” I told her. She nodded. I got in my car and drove to see Omari. I pulled up 15minutes later, I got out and gave my key to Valet. I walked in and he was sitting at the table smiling. “Hey Beautiful” He said to me. I felt like I was back in high school. I smiled. “Hey” He got up to hug me and pulled out the chair for me. “Thanks” I said nervously. “You have blossomed into a beautiful young woman” He told me. I blushed looking down. We talked for a little bit. He let me know he was a HR director for Home Depot. He was married once but got a divorce a year ago. He has a daughter who is 4 named Violet. He showed me a picture. “Wow, she is beautiful” I said to him. He nodded and smiled. “All my relationships failed because I missed you, you were like my best friend and my homie, man we were dope together, you were going to be my trophy wife and I was going to be a football star” He said. I nodded slowly. “Yeah, young and dumb, I am now a top stylist for Essence Magazine, I live in New York and I have a bomb ass Mercedes Benz, my life is amazing” I gloated smiling. He looked down and nodded. “I know, I fucked up” He said. “I’m sure it’s behind you but I really need you to know man, I was fucked up man, we both were, that night fucked up our lives more than you know, I mean I’m sure you do. When you left Ness found out she was pregnant, I wanted her to keep it because I felt I made my bed, so I should lay in it. She ended up getting an abortion, she felt bad she said She didn’t want a constant reminder that we fucked you know. She went into depression that so she got hooked on pain killers, I went to Georgia State playing for the bulldogs, but my grades fell behind and I got kicked off the team, We was there for each other at the time, but we ended up ending the relationship cause I loved her yeah, but I felt like we should have been together and I didn’t know what to say if you had seen us together, so we just cut all ties with each other, her senior year” He confessed to me. My blood was fucking boiling. “You fucked my sister more than once? You formed a relationship with her? You got my sister pregnant?” I said to him. He looked at me concerned. “Ness aint tell you?” He asked. I shook my head and grabbed my purse as I got up. “Stop calling her Ness, It’s Janessa to you, I thought I was over this bullshit, but this shit fucking hurt more than it did before, I wish you the best Omari, but I’m engaged to a doctor, were on two different levels honey” I told him. I was almost out the door when he chased me down. He turned me around and kissed me. I thought about him chasing me down and telling me he’s sorry many nights when I was young, and this kiss felt nice, but it felt wrong. I pushed him back. “Omari please let this go, let us go I would never be with you even if I was single you betrayed me” I told him before leaving. I couldn’t wait to get home and let that fucking lying bitch Janessa have it.

Janessa: (Bag Lady- Erykah Badu)

It was almost time for Dinner, we were all getting ready. Moms new man was coming over and so was Dads girlfriend Kristen. I was nervous because Dylan and Chase were finally going to meet my family. I went down stairs to help the caterers bring the food to the table. “There’s my lovely daughters” I heard my mother say. Nori had just come down stairs to help me. We both looked at her, she was arm in arm with a Handsome Older Man. He smiled at us and kissed our hands. “Lovely to meet Rice’s beautiful daughters I’m Stephan Morris, I thought you had 3 girls?” He asked. He looked at her. “Oh, um Vada is out with friends she will be here soon”. Nori said. They sat down at the table and was giggling at each other all night. “This is weird” Nori said. I nodded. Narkim came in a minutes later. “Whats up fambam!” He yelled. Damien dapped him up. “Yo where’s MJ?” I asked. MJ came downstairs. “Yo you snuck in?” Damien asked. He shrugged “yall was napping and shit”. He went to sit down. Narkim and Nori of course sat down next to each other. MJ was mugging Mom’s new man Stephan. “Hello Family” My father said. Behind him trolling in awkwardly was Kristen. “Hi” She said. Damien and Nylah were chatting with each other sitting down. Dad and Kristen sat at the opposite end of the table. “Vi!” Damien yelled. Michael and Vada walked in. I smiled at them. “Hey yall” Vada ignored me, Michael hugged me before sitting down. Everyone was at the table. I was nervous as I sat down at the table. “Hey babies” Grandma Rudy said walking high as hell.  She sat down near me. “We all here?” My dad asked. The doorbell rang and Narkim who was already up went to get it. In walked my husband looking sexy in his Denim Coat with the fur collar, with Chase matching coat. “Umm I remember you…Um Dylan” Damien said. He then looked at me. “Ohhhhh shit Dylan from past thanksgiving” He said. My father looked over at me. “Janessa what is this?” He asked. I grabbed Chase from Dylan and brought them over to sit down near me. “You got his portable highchair?” I asked him. “Nah, I left it at my mom’s crib” He said to me. “Janessa your father is talking to you?” My mother said. “Mom, Dad this is my family. My son Chase Matthew Scott, and my husband you remember Dylan?” I said. “Hoooeee my goodness” Nylah said. “Yooooooooo .“Damien replied. Nori smiled at me. Narkim was looking between us. “You knew damn Nor, could’ve told me” He said. She shrugged. “Janessa, I told you, I didn’t want you to bring another white man in this house”. My dad said sternly. “Well Dad, he is my husband now, you want him to go then we will go, but this is your grandson’s father” I told him. Vada started laughing. “You are the queen of secrets” She said. My mom palmed her face, Stephan was rubbing her back. She stood up and walked over to me. She held out her arms for Chase. I put him in her arms. “Hey little man, I’m your grandma” She said smiling at him through tears kissing his cheeks. “Come here Dylan, it’s rude not to hug the lady of the house your mother in law” She told him. He smiled and hugged her. I felt a knot in my throat I was so overwhelmed. “Sharice” My dad stressed. “Malcom it’s not that deep, it already kept your daughter away, plus this ain’t your house no more” My mom said rolling her eyes. “But he helped pay for it” Kristen said. “Man shut yo…but up” Damien said. My father looked at Damien. “Boy you better watch it” He said. Damien sucked his teeth in. “Control your hoes Malcom” My Grandma said. My dad grabbed Kristen and got up. “I will see yall Christmas” He said mugging me. My father walked out with Kristen. “Anyways” Damien said. We passed around the food joking, everyone was playing with Chase except Vada. It was bothering the shit out of me. “Vi what’s up?” I asked her. She shrugged her shoulders. “Im happy you have your own little family, I wonder does your husband know you fucked my boyfriend and got pregnant and had an abortion? Or you got hooked on pain pills and dated him for 2 years”. She blurted out. I glared at her. My grandma motioned for Nylah and Damien to take Chase. “Man, this is getting good” Damien said. “D get your ass up!” Grandma Rudy said. He got up fast and took my son with him. “You had no right Vada!” I yelled. She glared at me back. My mom chugged her wine glass. “Janessa, you know what yall are grown, I’m tired of this bickering between yall it’s old and tired” My mother said before leaving from the table with Stephan. “Vi not cool man let that shit go” MJ said. Vada groaned. “I’m tired of yall being on her side, she betrayed me” She said. “Abortion pills you never told me this” Dylan said looking at me. I shook my head. “That girl been through some shit we all have but it ain’t the right to be throwing shit out in public Vada you wrong” Grandma Rudy said. “Omari told you this?” I said pissed. She nodded. “Yes, today at lunch, and I forgave you but you still lying and keeping secrets Janessa, were done were not sisters” She said. Michael punched the table. “I’m tired of this shit with you Sky!, I’m done man fuck that nigga! We didn’t come here for this, you are lying and seeing him now man fuck this” He said before he got up and walked out. “Michael!” She cried out. She looked at me. I got and nodded. “Yeah we are done” I said to her.

Character Alert: 

Gianina “Gia” Angel Monetz 33: Francia Raisa 

Gia is MJ’s ex girlfriend. They were together 10 years before he left her. and moved to D.C.

[lildirtbike-blog]

At least you're not my problem any more I don't care bout you so why you worried about me Starbound You niggas ain't got shit on me You can leave but you can't forget You can't forget us It's 3 AM and im thinking about you My niggas been with me since day one My nigga I been a1 since day 1 So pretty but but so hard to catch Shooters on deck all of em boba fett yah I wanna bih I just want a bitch Got ny shades on in the club All of my shootas wearing camo so you won't see shit coming I honestly just wish I could be, like you I make money not friends Bih we do not play pretend I wouldn't have you any other way I swear I love every single inch of you Like why you worried bout me hoe mind ya own damn business Id love you any fucking way You was rubbing your fat little ass on my dick I let you be you and you let me be me She cuddle me harder, I gave in With her i never win She the only one that knows my sins Fuck what they say i'm the best Truth is I always liked you more I know I fall in love too quick, but this time I think it's real I see a little bit of me in you and a little bit of you in me I wanna play with you I done waited way too long for this You niggas played enough it's my time Feeling fine I'm feeling Feeling fine I'm feeling myself I'm feeling myself Homeboi a shooter Tagteam on my tutor Shawty go down for the team Touch her you gon bleed I want us to be something more Get off work so I can love you We could've got caught but that only makes shit more fun You might be the one Tear down her walls I kinda feel bad for the next nigga I gave you my heart now it doesn't even beat I'mma have to pick up every broken piece I'm with my bae she so poppin Hop out da coupe everybody stopping I wanna spoil you Ou damn she like sneakers more than me Got yo bitch on lock With my glock You're my heaven You make everything seem alright For s moment until I open my eyes I just wonder how high we can gouuo I don't just wanna fuck I also just wanna make you mine I know this shit take time But just rolllll with it But gooo with it I still see you when I open my eyes And I swear, these niggas talk to you just to talk about you All they want to know is how much you are of value I'm in the mood for taking a nigga bitch He don't care about you He don't treat you right You don't know what you do to me So nice to look at even better to touch/fuck I'd give you the world if I could too I'd give you everything if I could too I'm sorry if I upset you We ain't getting any further Fuck you/blow out your back and kiss on her freckles After cuddle the fuck out you and eat fruity pebbles I wanna cuddle the out of you I just wanna know you Fuck them other niggas they don't deserve you Stomp a nigga out in my Jordans shit I let my girl get too thick I mean there's just something about her What's happening to me unknown powers We talked for hours Hide n seek They/you don't even know my like that I won't cry over you I want you now I miss you so fucking much I'm so damn impatient But you're so damn important Leave that nigga he a loser and you know that It's wrong but it feels so right I'm sorry I'm too indecisive I can't choose Is it you or is it you I do it all for you So what you wanna do Do you even love me anymore? A lot can change in a year I wonder were we're going from here He don't even deserve you I got a lot on my mind She said she was thinking about a kid I'm like shiit Then she said she wanted to know what it would be like I'm like psych You get me/ the most You're the only one that gets me Sorry in advance if I get clingy Don't give a fuck about what they say they say I chase bags not bitches Rags to riches I chase money not bitches cuz all that shit will come later I wish I never opened up to you because you're just going to use it against me anyways I don't wanna wake up from this dream Now I gotta clean up the mess you made Fuck trying to fit in/ fitting in Why does my heart still beat for you when you destroyed it? Why you so worried bout me mind yo business You live in my head You live in my head Even though you probably want me dead I need you to pray for me cause nobody else is Whats it like on the other side Fuck them other guys Being with you is bliss even in the silence Tell me is there a bright side to all of this? I don't think I'll ever get over you Why do I feel this way You make my bad days better Strangers - Accin like you don't know me that was my fear Now we're just strangers Back to square one I was just a fool in love It wasn't even love You were my angel Now you can burn in hell You really weren't shit Going my own way Doing shit my way fuck what they say She said be gentle I said I'll try Oooh she make me nervous I'm tryna make you mine I'm running outta time You know better than to come around here Bitch niggas on my back Get the strap She knows what she's doing Killing it with my bestie/best friend I'm tryna be my best me Iloveeverythingaboutyou You know how to get under my skin I miss you already I'm trying I really am I'm holding on Hold on Bear with me I'm picking up the pieces Just let me know how you feel Be real I see/saw you in my dreams You were the only one for me It just keeps on going and it never stops Life's what you make it Don't take shit for granted I'm just tryna make it out alive I just want a bitch that get my vibe She's trouble/ but I don't mind Hate only makes me go harder All we know is bands can you really blame us? Keep a thang up in my camo pants bitch you can't tame us She sat on my lap She jumped on my dick almost bent that shit She gave me head relieve me from my stress For a little while, straight outta work and she undress (Daddy's bday flow hook) I go hard for you you go hard for me I can be anything you want me to be I want to kiss ur freckles She sent me nudes ion even know her tho Bitches talk and talk I'll be here when you come home Don't know why she got so wet Ion even think I did shit All she did was see me Split her like a kiwi She called me her husband Shawty I ain't buying no ring Kill4me Would you kill for me? Keep it real I miss/the smell of your skin I need someone who's on my level You moved on but im still here Still ain't gonna waste my tears You was just using me to pass the time You was just using me to fill a void You're my favorite part/the best parts Cuz mama told me no no no no I fucked her first you was kissing Dip on a bitch and go missing I got some Molly she itching Young Ramsay with the wrist in the kitchen Girl don't play with me Bitch don't play with me yah I'm trying not to get to used to you Cuz they always leave Just/not for you And I forget how to breathe when I see/with you Ooh you make my mouth water I can't explain it I just can't explain it Just love me honestly Love me responsibly Keep it real Im hungry for you I'm hungry need some food What do I gotta prove You cannot come to the crib I want more I want more I want more You know I gotta have it Bad habits I love her flaws and all She love me flaws and all You never tell me you love me anymore They think I'm crazy for loving you But I don't care / Jason Joseph Password : lilnibba666 Apple ID : lildirtbikeboi@gmail.com Password : lilnibba6 / Eyes - Brad Pitt, X Nose - Billie Eilish, Cindy Kimberly Forehead - Mehki Alante, X Jawline - / Eyes - Brad Pitt, X Nose - Billie Eilish, Cindy Kimberly Forehead - Mehki Alante, X Jawline - / Shorty gave me top in the movies Put frosting all on her boobies Reach under the seat grab the toolie For any nigga tryna act a foolie Fuck what they say I'm doing shit my own way I could do this shit all day Tear that ass up when we stressed Straight outta work made the biggest mess Fuck what they say I'm the best Well these niggas plottin i know that I ask () where the fuck that pole at You don't got cheese but you still a rat I'm doing shit my own way Nigga get fold like clothes / You can't catch me Nigga you can't catch me ( 21 Savage - X melody) Oh that's your girl she fuck with me Oh that's your girl think imma keep Pull up mobbin 30 deep Talk your shit send you to sleep Hop straight out the fucking jeep Hit up yo bitch then i dunk Bitch im dualied up, pop the trunk Nigga you lame you a chump We got lotsa bricks, we got lotsa skunk Its not for the using tho Shawty be a lil hoe, but she always stay ten toes We smoked dope then hit the store Dicked her down she want some mo Bitch ill flex on the pope Chop a kilo McDonalds I feel like Pablo / You know my boys gon go all out You niggas gonna know Pull up you home alone Air force 1s on my toes Whipping foreign like im grown Whipping foreign like im grown Main bitch whip the stove Side bitch whip the pole Whipping foreign like im grown Whipping foreign like im grown / White converse white socks Plaid long sleeve shirt down to shoulders Black spaghetti strap crop top Black shorts or skirt Dark skin Asian or Hispanic White Nike tennis shoes Long white Nike socks Black shorts Black hoodie Black Nike hat Pink hat Blonde long kinda wavy hair Black shorts White label shirt White Nike tennis shoes / Them drugs hit the spot Kiss me in that spot Them drugs hit the spot Kiss me in that spot Pull up finnesse on the whole lot Some feelings were caught Won't hold back on you tonight Get at my baby you might meet yo plight Won't hold back on you tonight Get at my baby you might meet yo plight / You changed you don't love me in the same way You changed We don't fuck just like we used to You changed you don't love me in the same way You changed We don't fuck just like we used to You changed Nothing will ever be the same If you don't love me no more you could've just said it I made you happy at least give me some credit We ain't getting further Cuz I ain't tryna hurt her Your love was just a lie Do you got better niggas on the side? I can see it in your eyes You switched up you changed sides You changed you don't love me in the same way You changed We don't fuck just like we used to You changed you don't love me in the same way You changed We don't fuck just like we used to You changed Nothing happens when I touch you there Shit got cold I can feel it in the air / Remember when we stayed up all night That was the best night Promise ill always be by your side But baby will you be by mine Ijusthopeshitwillturnoutright

[dealersofatlanta]

Part 1: Chapter 1

Year: May 10th 2006

 (So everything happens fast because each chapter is leading up to present day) The story starts with Omari, Ace and Jade, they are not the only main characters throughout the story I will introduce the rest in total it should be 6 POVS this was really hard to write cause I have so many 1st chapter drafts. Idk if I wanted to do a book about the past or both)

  Omari: age 21

“(Georgia), We on the grind in (Georgia), All the time it isn’t nothing on my mind but (Georgia) We ain’t playing with ya (Georgia)” Georgia by Ludacris played in my car as we rode through the west side. It was just me, my mama, and my brother. My daddy died when I was 7, my mom was still pregnant with my brother Ace. We live in the worst projects on our side of town Wood Ridge. Niggas always get killed and robbed over here. I pulled up at the Citgo, my brother Ace hopped out. “Yo wassup O” A nigga I knew named Shy. “Wazzam Shy” I said dapping him up. “You still looking for work?” He asked. I nodded. “Something like that, what’s up?” I asked. He pointed over to a man in a Hummer H2, with the windows down. Money in The Bank” By Lil Scrappy in his car. “Yo I heard about him, niggas scared of him” I said to him. He waved me over to follow him to the car. “What’s up D, this is O. He looking for a job” He told him. The light skin dude with tats on his neck looked over at me. He looked me over one good time before turning down his music. “You need money huh?” He asked. I looked around my surroundings. “Yeah, uh we bout to get evicted and shit, and My mama struggling right now” I told him. He nodded. “You got a phone?” He asked. I nodded pulling out my Nokia. He slid up my screen to get to the key pad. He then passed me my phone back. “Holla at me around 6pm and Ima make something shake for you” He told me before rolling up his window. I looked at the phone. I see the name Demetri in my phone. I was walking back to my car when I see Ace sitting on the hood of my car talking to some bitch. “Yeah, you fine as hell shawty, let you up sometime” He said. She blushed. “Aight, Ima give you my number but if you going to call, call at 9 pm that’s when my minutes is free” She said. He nodded and let her put her number in his Metro Phone. I slapped the back of his head. “Nigga get the fuck in my car and stop fucking with these hoes” I told him laughing at how mad he got. Ace had a bad temper. Mama say he get it from Our father. We pulled up and the apartments. Bitches was already fighting outside in the parking lot. “Beat her ass Kita” Her friend yelled. Ace squinted his eyes and his eyes got big, he hopped out the car and ran over to the girls fighting. It was his friend Jade. “Aye nah yall chill” He said pushing the girls off. He grabbed Jade. “Nah uh Ace that bitch deserve to get her ass beat for fucking my nigga” She yelled. Jade spit blood on her air forces. “Bitch I told you your man and I aint fuck, he tried to get in my pants and I said no” She stressed. I shook my head and walked into the house. My mama Traci was on the couch watching Maury. I kissed her on the cheek. “Hey mama” I said to her. She nodded. “Where’s Ace?” She asked. “He outside with Jade” I told her. She sucked her teeth in. “Her auntie been running her mouth about that girl, saying she be fucking the whole apartments” My mama told me. “Anyways, I got a job. I mean I think I got one” I told her. She smiled and looked over at me. “That’s good baby, what is it?” She asked. I shrugged. “I got to call and see” I said. She nodded. Ace busted in the house with Jade. “Aye, boy what is wrong with you coming in here like that!” Mama yelled. He grabbed Jade hand and brought her into the bathroom. My mama shook her head. I stood by the bathroom door. Ace was cleaning off Jade. She had blood coming out her nose and a cut near her eye brow, and her eye was swollen. “You need to learn how to fight and stop letting these hoes jump on you shawty, better start clocking them hoes with a motherfucking bottle or something” I told Jade. “I told her to start carrying a knife, so she can gut them hoes” Ace said. I shook my head. Nigga was ruthless for no reason. I walked into my room and went to my stereo. I went through my CD’s I burned. I put the cd in the player and pressed play. “Créme de la créme homie, Top Shelf ya know. I like my beat down low down low down low down low, I like my top led back led back led back” T.I - “Top Back” blasted through my speakers. I grabbed my car magazine, took a pen and begin circling the cars I planned on getting when I get some big money. My Nokia started ringing. I looked at my caller id, it was my little shawty Jalissa. “What up Girl?” I asked. I heard her giggle on the phone. “O, you busy later?” She asked. I sat up on my bed. “Nah, why what’s up you trying to kick it?” I asked. She hesitated. “Something like that, T.I movie ATL just came out and I want to know if you trying to see it with me, maybe at Starlight on Moreland it starts at 10:15pm?” She asked. I smiled, I knew what she was getting at. “Sure, Ima pull up around 9, maybe we can get some snacks and some shit” I told her. I could hear her smile through the phone. “Aight bet” I looked at the time. It was 5:57. I started dialing Demetri’s number. “Yo who is this?” He answered. “This O from the gas station, I asked you about a job” I said. “Aight Ima call you back”. He hung up. I then got a call from another phone number. “Hello?” I asked. “What’s up O, rule # 1 the feds always watching so never call me about business or call anyone on your actual phone, Ima give you a phone when I see you, meet me tomorrow @ 12pm Ima send you my address” He said then hung up.

 Ace: age 15

 “Why you let the hoes talk shit about you?” I asked her. She was sitting at my desk at my computer. She was adding music to her Myspace. “They say

He do a little this

He do a little that

He always in trouble (and I heard)

He ain’t nothin’ but a pimp

He’s done a lot of chicks

He’s always in the club (and they say)”

“So, what?” by Field Mob played from her page. She shrugged. “Nobody going to believe me anyways”. I looked over at her. “So, you don’t be fucking these niggas?” I asked. She turned and looked at me. “No, why would you even ask me that, them bitches be lying. Niggas always trying to get in my pants. Even grown ass men” She said looking at me like she regretted what she said. “Forget I said that” She said. “Why do you even care?”. I shrugged. “I mean, I don’t if you did but like you kind like my little sister so I want to know”. I said. She rolled her eyes. “Sister?” She asked. I nodded. “Yeah like I got to protect you, and shit” I said. She sucked her teeth in. “I don’t need your protection Ace, I can protect myself” She said. She got up and put on her shoes. “Well you the one always knocking on my window at damn random times of the night needing a place to sleep, like you ain’t got your own” I said to her. She pushed me out the way. I balled my fist up. I had a bad temper, and she knew it but when it came to her, I never showed her that side. “What you going to hit me?” She said she was holding back watery eyes. “Go ahead, I’m used to it” She said. I looked at her wondering who was hitting on her. Was she talking about fighting? “Thanks for having me over Ms. Traci” I heard her say before the door shut to the front door. I debated on going after her, but I didn’t. I looked through my contacts. I remember the girl from at the gas station. “Hey baby girl what’s up?” I asked. “Who is this?” She asked. “You forgot about me that fast baby, its Ace” I said. I heard her smile. “Ohhh yeah, Ace. You want to kick it right now? My mama ain’t home” She said. I got up slowly. “Oh, for real?” I asked. “Yeah, Ima send you my address. I live at the apartments right across from the gas station” She said. “Okay Ima slide through” I hung up the phone. “Hey mama I’ll be back Ima go to my friend Raheem house” I told her. She nodded. I went outside and started walking to the gas station it wasn’t too far from my house like a 30min walk. “Ace where you headed?” My homie Calvin said pulling up beside me. “To this bitch house” I told him. He nodded. “Get in folk, I take you” He said. I nodded. I looked at his outfit he had on all purple. “Where you headed looking like a got damn grape Fanta?” I asked. He laughed. “Man, this my colors” he said. “What you down or something?” I asked. He nodded “Yeah I’m down with Westside 5” He told me. I nodded. “Oh, for real, uh congrats I guess” I said laughing. He laughed. “Man, you goofy as fuck, but fuck with us though we always need new people” He told pulling into the apartments. I dapped him up as he stopped. “Thanks, Patna” He nodded. I walked up to shawty complex. Before I could even knock, she opened the door. She had nothing but a T-shirt on. “Took you long enough nigga” She said grabbing my shirt.

 I pulled up my pants and buckled my belt. “So, my mama going to be gone, around this time every Friday” She said. I smiled and nodded. “What school you go to I ain’t never seen you around” I said. She smiled. “I go to Jefferson Highschool, what about you?” She asked. I started laughing. “How old you is?” I asked. She was putting on her bra. “17, how old are you?” She asked. I smiled big as fuck. “I’m 15” I told her. She shook her head. “Boy you look 18, dang you must be in what 8th grade?” She asked. I nodded. “Yeahh you can be my cuddy buddy, you ain’t old enough to be my man” She said. I sucked my teeth in. “I aint gon hold you I just wanted to fuck, but Ima fuck with you” I grabbed my phone and dipped. It was about 8:12 when I checked my phone. Shit I got to walk by the crackheads and the dope boys just to get home. “Aye yo little nigga you down?” Some nigga asked me as I walked by. “Down for what?” I asked. “I seen you riding with Cal, he one of us” They said. I noticed they had on purple. “Man, I ain’t trying to bang” I told them. “You see all the nice shit we got man we can get you some money for real nigga” I noticed the cars they were next to and shit. I nodded. “Okay what I got to do?” I asked. “This”. Next thing I know these niggas start beating my ass.

 Jade: age 14

 I was sitting on the stairway near our apartment writing music in my journal like I normally did listening to Ashanti and Lloyd “Southside” on my CD Player. “Jade get yo dumb ass in here” My aunt Felicia said. I sighed and walked inside. I closed the door and went into my room. “It’s almost the end of the school year. You got what 2 weeks left before summer vacation. It’s about time you get a damn job and start paying rent around here, you got to earn your keep. Ain’t bout to live up in here rent free” She said in the door way. I scoffed at her. “I’m 14, I can’t legally get a job until I’m 16 that’s not fair” I stressed. She put her finger in my face. “I started working for my foster mother at age 12, she used to sell me for $50, and I would get 10%. So, if I can do it so can you, and what the fuck happened to yo got damn face” She said. I looked at her. “I got into a fight with this girl” She shook her head. “What you do now fuck her man, you just like your mama” She said. I sighed. “No and Why didn’t you just let foster care take me!” I yelled. She grabbed my arm. “I did you a favor, Me and your mama bounced from foster care to foster care. She begged me to never let them take you, so I took you in after her stupid crack head ass ran off. That’s least I could do for her after she fucked my man and had you” She said. I started tearing up, I tried to snatch my arm away from her. She pushed me on to the bed. “Like I said you have 2 weeks or Ima let your ass go” She said. She slammed my door. I hated my life; my life didn’t used to be like this. I had two parents a mother and a father. My dad used to be there all the time and then one day he just wasn’t. My mama couldn’t take the pain of him leaving so she got hooked on drugs when I was 5. She been clean off and on when my dad was around but when he left it got worse. My aunt to eventually take me in before foster care put me in the system because My mama had left me in the house one day when her and her boyfriend James was cooking crack on the stove. My house caught on fire while I was sleep. I ain’t seen my mama since that day. I decided to write in my journal again, that was my haven, writing and listening to music. “My Life” By Mary J. Blige played on my stereo as I cried. My Aunt Felicia busted into my room. “Get yo ass up and come eat and stop blasting music in my house” She said. I wiped my tears and went to go sit down at the table. It was Kraft mac n cheese and hot dogs cut up in it. My Aunts boyfriend Rodney sat down with two bags of McDonalds and they started eating. My aunt either cooked me this or beanie weenies, Ramon noodles with hot dogs or sometimes just some bread and butter. I kept my head down while I ate my food. “Jade clean this shit up while I’m gone. I want all that food gone by the time I get home or Ima beat your ass” She said. I nodded. She went over to Rodney, practically sucking his face off before she left. He got up and locked the door. He pulled out an apple pie out his bag. “Got you something sweet, sweetness” He told me. He slid it to me. Rodney was always nice to me but I knew something about him wasn’t right. “Thanks” I said. He sat in the chair next to me. “You know you are very pretty” He told me. I nodded. I got up quickly, as he grabbed my arm back over to him. “I ain’t going to hurt you”. He said. “Sit on my lap” He said. “No!” I yelled as he tried to get me to sit on his lap. I got my arm lose and ran to my room. I closed my door and locked it. I grabbed some clothes put it in my school bag and slid my window open. Rodney burst into my room. I quickly jumped onto the ac unit under my window. I ran to the other side of the complex, I seen Niggas was playing dice in the stair way as I walked to Ace complex. “What’s good lil mama you tryna sell some ass?” I heard. I shook my head. I got to Ace building and walked to the side of it. I tapped on his window. I ain’t see no movement. I tapped again. “So, you back?” I heard a voice behind me. It was Ace. It was dark, so I couldn’t see his face very good. He came over to his window and did something to it and it slid open and climbed inside slowly. He was wincing like he was in pain. I followed him soon after. “If I ain’t home and you need a place to lay your head just lift up the screen and slide. O taught me that trick” He turned on his light and I see his face. He eye was swollen, and his lip was bug as hell. He was limping around. I walked over to him. “Ace you okay?” I asked. He nodded. “I’m part of Westside 5 now” He said smiling with his teeth bleeding. He held up a shirt and a bandana. I shook my head at him. “You stupid, you got jumped in?” I asked. He nodded. “Yeah but they make hella money” I kept shaking my head. “You stupid as hell Ace” I told him. He sucked his teeth in. “Why you over here anyways?” He asked. I shrugged. “Cause I hate it at my aunts house” I told him. “She be hitting you?” He asked. I shrugged. “Sometimes, she said I got to get a job soon” I said. “I think she want me to sell my ass” I told him. He was in his boxers looking at me. “She got me fucked up, I ain’t bout to let you do that. I got you man. I’m get you some money” He said. He threw me a shirt and some boxers. “Well maybe I can get jumped in” I said. He limped over to me grabbing me. “Don’t say shit like that” He said. We looked at each other for a minute. “I’m just playing sorry” I went into the bathroom in the hall way to change. When I came back in the room. Ace was icing his face. I shut the door and went to lay down on the bed. “As long as I’m here I got you J” He said. I nodded. I put my headphones on and listened to my cd I had burned. “Nobody going to love me better, I must stick with you forever, nobody going to take me higher, I must stick with you. You know how to appreciate me, I must stick with you my baby. Nobody ever made me feel this way, I must stick with you” I was feeling the lyrics of the Pussycat dolls. I started writing in my journal.

[thefruitsofloveff]

Chapter 9.

King

2 month Later 

Thanksgiving Day 6:22 pm

“I really never even wore these before”.

Trent spoke out holding his shoes towards me. It’s been a few weeks and Tiana and the boys have been spending nights here with me. I don’t mind it at all, I love waking up beside Tiana and it kinda got me thinking. Anyway, my mother was having Thanksgiving dinner at her house. This would be my first time Introducing her to my mother. She was nervous as hell, I guess she thinks my mother would be the judgmental type but she’s far from that. My mom is actually excited.

“That’s because I bought them the other day. Put them on”.

He nodded, sitting on the floor of my room and putting his shoes on his feet. I know it’s corny as well but when it comes to kids matching, I be down for it. I got Trent and Titan matching outfits. Maybe it’s the Law school in my that likes certain things perfect. They look good though.

I picked Titan off the floor and placed his shoes on his feet. I looked up when I seen Sanaa in the corner of my eye run towards me with a smile.

“You look nice baby”.

She smiled doing a small twirl then playing with Titan’s hands. After I finished, I placed the baby on the floor then walked into my bathroom. Smiling I eased behind Tiana and kissed her neck.

“Why you look nervous?”.

“I am, just a little. Haven’t met a dudes mom or family before”.

I smiled, turning her around towards me and pecking her lips.

“Don’t overthink it or sweat it. Everybody is going to love you”.

She turned around and placed her arms around my neck.

“I’m just nervous you know. This is new to me”.

“If you begin to feel uncomfortable or overwhelmed we can step out and leave for a second or something”.

She smiled a little and nodded her head.

“Ok, just don’t leave me alone”.

“You know better then that”.

I smiled, giving her a hug. This past month hasn’t been anything short of great. We had a argument a few weeks ago, but it was over some petty shit and on top of that it only lasted a couple minutes. She’s special to me, and I think she deserves to be introduced, especially if she’s gonna be around for a while.

“Alright... Lets go”.

We all scrambled around, grabbing our coats then heading out the door and the car. After everybody was in, I pulled off and out the garage.

“Daddy?”.

Sanaa’s small voice squeaked from the back seat.

“Wassup baby?”.

“Are we still going on our trip?”.

I looked at her and shrugged. I had forgot all about our little vacation. To be honest it was the last thing on my mind but I guess the perfect time to bring it up would be now. Leaning back in the seat a little, I got comfortable then looked over at Tiana.

“So babe, at the end of this month we suppose to be doing this little trip to Puerto Rico we do every year. It’s for a week. Do you want to come, you and the boys?”.

She smiled and shrugged her shoulders.

“Oh I have to check my schedule”.

I smacked my teeth and nudged her arm a little. Her ass is coming, I’ma make sure of it. Getting back comfortable, I turned up Jay-Z’s Reasonable Doubt Album and we enjoyed the rest of the ride.

Tiana

7:02 pm

I blew air out my mouth as we sat in the front of his mothers house. Cars were parked up and down the street and in her driveway. I know the shit was packed. Looking over at King he leaned over and rubbed my hand. Getting out the car he then closed the door and opened the backseat grabbing Titan and his bag.

Getting over my fear, I stepped out the car and cleared my head of all negative thoughts. I watched as the kids dashed to the front door. Including Trent as if he been here before. At least he felt right at home. Approach the front door, King then opened the door and all heads turned our way. My mouth instantly started to feel like cotton and my stomach tightened. 

King held my hand and guided me through the house as he talked to family members.

“Mama!”.

He hollered over the loud music. She snapped around from the stove and ran over to him with her arms wide. He smiled, gently letting my hand go and embracing her. Finally letting her go, he then back up beside me and put his free arm around my waist.

“Mama this is Tiana. And he boys Titan and Trent. Tiana this is my mother Roe”.

His mom smiled, looking at the boys and taking Titan from his arms. Rubbing her hands through his red hair she then looked at me and smiled. As I extended my hand, she moved it and pulled me into a warm hug. I smiled, feeling instant relief of the nervousness.

“It’s nice to finally meet you guys. Now, I’ve seen the boys on face time when Sanaa blows me up, but it is a pleasure to finally meet you. You’re beautiful”.

My heart fluttered and my cheeks grew warm.

“Thank you. The feeling is mutual, I admire you as a women and mother”.

Her and King both smiled at me, she moved King and wrapped her arm around my shoulder.

“Well how about you stick around in the family so we can become closer”.

I nodded looking up at King with a smile.

“Go play Sanaa and Trent”.

King ordered. They nodded, taking off out the kitchen and upstairs with the other kids.

“Can you cook baby?”.

His Mother asked. I nodded looking at Kingston as he walked into the living with Titan in his arms. I began to help his mother with basic things in the kitchen, talking as we went along.

“So, how do you feel about Kingston”.

I exhaled, chuckling to myself a little and looking as he interacted with Titan.

“He’s amazing. Nothing I’ve ever experienced to be honest. The thing that attracted me to him most was of course his respect, but how he was with my kids”.

She laughed wiping her hands and looking at me.

“Funny. He said the same thing about you. Sanaa talks about you all day. He said ‘I like her as a mother first’”

I smiled, because this was the first time I was actually complimented on my mothering skills.

“Well I’ll tell you this, about a month ago he came in here and told me, about you. Said how much he liked you and felt he was moving fast but couldn’t help it. I told him to just go with it, if it means a lot it will stay around and won’t linger away.... needless to say not only is he happy you didn’t wonder away but so am I. I love seeing him smile”.

I smiled, making eye contact with him. His smile was warm and assuring of all I needed to know.

“Well, I tell you what. I feel blessed to have met him. His molding me into a new women”.

She nodded and let out a laugh.

“Which is what a good man should do”.

King

1:55 am

To say the night went well was an understatement. The kids had fun, Tiana loosened up and my family loved her. As soon as we got in the house, we laid the kids in the bed and laid up in my bed just watching TV.

I was beyond tired, but seems like at the late hour we had much to talk about. Finally turning out the light, I pulled her small body close to mines and began kissing her neck.

“You know you suppose to start the job as my assistant next Monday”.

He head nodded under my chin. It was a good idea at first, but now I think I’m having a change of heart about it.

“Well I don’t think you can anymore. Since we doing this”.

She smacked her teeth turning towards me and wrapping her arm over my rib cage.

“So what, I need to work”.

“I’ll take care of yo-”.

“No Kingston.... You’ve really done enough”.

I smacked my teeth giving her back a tap.

“That’s what a real nigga, a real man is suppose to do baby. And I don’t mind doing that”.

The room was quiet. The only thing heard was the rain against the window.

“So what am I suppose to do. Sit home and knit”.

I laughed, moving my head back then shaking my head.

“How about you go back to design school. I really think you can be a dope ass designer. Even as far as a personal stylist”.

She smacked her teeth. She didn’t see it yet, but I sure as hell do. 

“I’m serious. I see it”.

I pulled her closer and pecked her lips. As the kiss deepened my hands roamed up her shirt then down her thigh. As soon as I felt HIM getting bigger, she gently pushed my chest.

“I’ll stop baby. I know it’s too soon. I’m sorry”.

She nodded lightly, but then pulled me in for another kiss. This time i climbed on top of her with her small frame in between my legs. Once again he got hard and she stopped kissing. I chuckled lightly.

“Damn you can’t make up your mi-”

“No it’s not that. It’s been forever. I only been with one person and... I’m scared to getting hurt. And it’s soon, I don’t wanna feel like a hoe”

I shook my head, kissing the crook of her neck. 

“I don’t see you as a hoe. If you mine you mine. And I’m not gonna hurt you baby. On my daughter. I don’t know what you been through and how you was treated, but Ima give you the world. You are a queen”.

She smiled, pulling me into a kiss. This time I grew larger, and she didn’t stop.  

I decided to pleasure her. Let her be the one to enjoy this first, moving my head down I kissed down to her naval then looked up at her. Pulling up the oversize T-Shirt she wore, I coming face to face with her paradise. I licked my lips, putting her legs on my shoulders and feasting. Wrapping my lips around her, I stuck my tongue in as far as it would go, causing her warm juices to slowly pour out. She was sweet. She let out a scream throwing her head back and gripping the sheets. 

I pressing down hard on her clit watching her try to contain her screams. Finally moving away from between her legs, I returned to her face. Giving her another deep kiss. Grabbing the waistband of my briefs, I pushed them down my legs causing my member to spring into action. 

“Are you sure baby. I don’t mind waiting?”.

She nodded, placing her arms on my shoulders. 

I hooked my arms under her legs and pulled her closer to me slowly sliding into her. She let a long and overdue gasp. 

“Shitt….. wait baby”.

Securing her arms tightly around my neck, she held on for support and leaned in as I pumped in and out of her pussy. I could feel her tensing up. I looked down at her and kissed her forehead.

“Relax Baby” 

I mumbled in a husky voice. She nodded pulling me down and burying her face in my neck. I bit down hard on my bottom lip a her pussy sucking me in. I could have nut right then and there, but I was gonna dance in this shit. The harder I pumped, the more I felt  her juices flow down my shaft. 

“Mmmmmmhmmmmmm Papi no se detienen”. 

She moaned in my ear, It was music for my dick. Let me find out I got me a freaky ass Latina. After I realized she had adjusted, I trusted harder and began demolishing her pussy, it took me no time to make her cum for the third time tonight.

 I continued working my hips and rotating inside of her, my sweat drip down to her forehead. I pulled out the rammed back into her, doing deep but slow strokes. She threw he head back with her eyes closed moving her hips with mine. She screamed as her pussy gripped my dick. It was going to be a long night.

[gossipnetwork-blog]

25 TV Events to Get Excited About in 2018

New Post has been published on http://gossip.network/25-tv-events-to-get-excited-about-in-2018/

25 TV Events to Get Excited About in 2018

New year, new TV to look forward to.

Now that it’s finally 2018, it’s time to cut your losses with the fall shows you’ve already grown tired and make some room on your DVRs for everything the new year has to offer because there’s a lot to get excited about.

Kicking things off on New Year’s Day with the return of Arie Luyendyk Jr. as ABC’s latest Bachleor, we’ve narrowed down the 25 TV events worth getting excited about over the next 12 months from a surprisingly deep pool of worthy candidates. Seriously, there’s a lot of promising stuff coming our way. Read on and start programming your DVR!

ABC/Craig Sjodin

Bachelor‘s Big Winter

Kudos to the Bachelor franchise for trying something new in 2018. First, they went back a few years to the pre-Instagram days to find their newest leading man, Arie Luyendyk Jr., and we’re also being treated to what appears to be an international hot tub party known as Winter Games. It all sounds like exactly the fresh Bachelor air we need, and we can’t wait to see how it all goes down, starting January 1.

Freeform

Freeform Gets Grown-ish

It’s time for Zoey Johnson to fly the coop and strike out on her own…-ish. In this Freeform spinoff of Black-ish, debuting January 3, Yara Shahidi takes center stage as the eldest Johnson child embarks on her freshman year at California University with a diverse group of friends helping her navigate her first taste of adult life. Look out for guest appearances from parents Dre and Bow as Anthony Anderson and Tracee Ellis Ross are set to make occasional guest appearances in the comedy, which hails from the mothership’s creator Kenya Barris. 

CBS

Star Trek: Discovery‘s Return

The spore drive is done for and the U.S.S. Discovery is…missing. The finale ended with Lorca (Jason Isaacs) and his team including Michael Burnham (Sonequa Martin-Green) evading death and destruction at the hands of the Klingons, only to find themselves some place very unfamiliar. Could our heroes be in the Mirror Universe? Whatever happens, beam us up for more adventures on January 7.

VH1

Tyra Returns on Top

Sorry Rita Ora, but Tyra Banks is reclaiming her America’s Next Top Model throne. Banks is returning on January 9 to host the revived series on VH1 after only serving as executive producer on Cycle 23. This year, expect new terms from Tyra and new competitors: there’s no longer an age limit.

Showtime

Showtime’s Trip to The Chi

If creator Lena Waithe‘s Emmy-winning episode of Master of None, “Thanksgiving,” is any indication, her new Showtime drama is, hands down, one of 2018’s can’t-miss debuts. The Chi, premiering January 7, is billed as a timely coming-of-age story that will explore the humanity behind the headlines sensationalizing the South Side of Chicago. Expect this to be an early Emmys frontrunner.

The CW

A New Superhero

Luke Cage may have come before him, but Black Lightning feels like the first superhero series to finally truly speak to the Black Lives Matter movement. The CW’s latest DC Comics adaptation, starring Cress Williams as the titular hero and premiering Jan. 16, feels timely in a way that few of the network’s other comic book offerings have. If nothing else, it’s just refreshing to have a CW superhero who feels like a damn adult.

FX

American Crime Story Goes Glam

People v. O.J. was great, but The Assassination of Gianni Versace brings a new level of glamour and intrigue to one of last year’s most talked about new series with one of the biggest crimes fashion has ever suffered. Darren Criss plays the serial killer we never before knew we needed him to play, and Penélope Cruz is straight-up iconic as Donatella Versace. We are so there come January 17.  

VH1

Mama Ru Gathers More All-Stars

While some of the queens returning for another chance at the crown barely fit in the label of “star,” let alone “All-Star”—Aja, anyone?—our excitement at finally having RuPaul and her glorious queens back is off the charts. RuPaul’s Drag Race All-Stars 3 returns to its new network (VH1) on January 25 to see who will join the ranks of legendary All-Stars and All-Stars 2 winners Chad Michaels and Alaska, respectively. Who are we rooting for? We’ll never tell. (OK, we’ll tell. That crown belongs to Trixie Mattel. Don’t @ us.)

Mindy Tucker/HBO

2 Dope Queens Come to HBO

What’s better than listening to your favorite podcast? Watching it come to life in a series of HBO specials, that’s what! Jessica Williams and Phoebe Robinson bring their acclaimed podcast 2 Dope Queens to the cable network beginning February 2 for four hour-long specials taped before a live audience, tackling topics like “Black Nerds aka Blerds” and “Hot Peen” alongside guests including Jon Stewart and Tituss Burgess. 

Netflix

Netflix Explores Altered Carbon

Netflix is going big with this original series, an adaptation the classic cyberpunk noir novel by Richard K. Morgan. Set more than 300 years in a future where society has been transformed by new technology, consciousness can be digitized, human bodies are interchangeable, and death is no longer permanent, the sci-fi series stars Joel Kinnaman as Takeshi Kovacs, the lone surviving soldier in a group of elite interstellar warriors who were defeated in an uprising against the new world order. Altered Carbon, dropping on the streaming site on February 2, looks expensive and confusing as hell. Count us in.

CBS

Big Brother Turns Celebrity

Already a staple in the U.K., Celebrity Big Brother is finally making its way across the pond for a special edition on CBS beginning February 7. Which of our D-list celebs will sign up to duke it out in the Big Brother house with Julie Chen narrating their every move? We haven’t the slightest idea and we can’t wait to find out.

Lifetime

UnREAL Flips the Script

Did you know that it’s been nearly 18 months since UnREAL signed off for season two? After that creative debacle, you may have pushed the provocative Lifetime series, a fictional account of the inner-workings of a Bachelor-esque reality series, out of your mind. But queens Constance Zimmer and Shiri Appleby deserve better, and it looks like the time off may have helped deliver a third series worthy of their estimable talents. After tackling their first African-American suitor in S2, they’re going the Bachelorette route this time around with Masters of Sex alum Caitlin FitzGerald assuming the role of Everlasting’s (the show within the show) new feminist “suitress.” Could Quinn and Rachel have finally met their match? Tune in on February 26 to find out. 

Good Girls Go Bad

What do you get when you take a Parks and Recreation fave (Retta), a Parenthood breakout (Mae Whitman), and a Mad Men diva (Christina Hendricks), cast them as three suburban moms tired of their lives, and have them rob a local supermarket. Why, the recipe for our most anticipated show of 2018, that’s what. Is it February 26 yet?

Netflix

A Queer Comeback

All things just keep getting better thanks to Netflix’s upcoming revival of the seminal reality series Queer Eye for the Straight Guy. Does the new Fab Five (from left to right, Bobby Berk, Karamo Brown, Antoni Porowski, Jonathan Van Ness and Tan France) have what it takes to make us forget about Carson Kressley, Ted Allen and the rest of the OGs? Come February, we’ll find out.

CBS

Round Two of The Good Fight

It’s been a long few months without Diane Lockhart (Christine Baranski) dropping an eff-bomb on our screens. The first season The Good Fight was politically charged and intriguing and the real world hasn’t gotten any less crazy, so Robert and Michelle King have a lot of fodder for new episodes, beginning March 4. Plus Audra McDonald will be a series regular this year, so our hopes of a musical episode just got all the more higher.

ABC

American Idol Returns From the Dead

Did we really want a revival of American Idol so soon after its 2016 (supposed) series finale? Not even slightly. Are we planning to tune in on March 11 to see if Katy Perry was really worth her rumored $25 million salary? You betcha. 

NBC

A New TV Musical Rises

Glee meets Friday Night Lights this spring on NBC, with Moana (Auli’i Cravalho), Ted Mosby (Josh Radnor) and Rosie Perez (Rosie Perez) in the starring roles of this Jason Katims-produced high school drama set (where else) in a working class town. This one could either be one of the year’s biggest successes or biggest flame-outs. Tune in on March 13 and judge for yourself.

ABC

Roseanne‘s Return

Revival fatigue is very real, but we for sure will not be able to look away from the return of Roseanne Barr‘s iconic comedy Roseanne, premiering March 27, for two big reasons: 1. Curiosity about how the show explains away the series finale that had Roseanne Conner revealing Dan (John Goodman) was dead and she made the entire series up as a writer and 2. Laurie Metcalf. Metcalf is one of the best actors working today. Any chance to get weekly doses of her we will take.

Hulu

Handmaid’s Trip to the Colonies

Where do you go after being the most-buzzed about new series and winning a slew of awards? That’s what we want to know, The Handmaid’s Tale! Season two, debuting sometime in April, is already well underway and details are being kept under wraps. We do know there will be more Alexis Bledel—sorry, that’s Emmy winner Alexis Bledel to you—and previously unseen parts of Gilead. “What I can tell you, and I’m not joking one bit, is it’s knocking me out where this story is going,” Ann Dowd told E! News. “I literally read the scripts and I think, ‘Oh my god.’ The ideas are genius and so unpredictable and harrowing,” she said. “Plus you see the worlds that you weren’t exposed to before: the Colonies, what that whole world is; those who make it to Canada, what happens there; the pregnancy, how that is coming along. It’s a phenomenally well-written show.”

Bravo

RHONY‘s Extra Dose of Real-World Drama

Arguably the best Real Housewives series on Bravo (go ahead and try to say another is better), Real Housewives of New York City is set to return with last year’s top-tier cast and you know there’s going to be laughs—and drama. Luann de Lesseps was arrested just before Christmas and charged with battery of an officer, disorderly intoxication, resisting arrested with violence and crimes against another person. She’s now in a treatment center. Bravo’s cameras are just itching to start recording and we cannot wait to see what they capture.

John P. Johnson/HBO

A Return Trip to Westworld

Season one felt like nothing more than a prelude, an introductory course to this world where nothing is as it seems and everyone watching wised up to the twists down the road much sooner than anyone writing expected. But now that the robots have taken over, making the demented amusement park at the center of this HBO sci-fi/western pastiche a true free-for-all, we can’t wait to see what happens next when Westworld finally returns this spring.But it better involve Maeve (Thandie Newton) kicking some ass.

FX

Atlanta, at Long Last

One of 2016’s most surreal and delightful new shows, Atlanta feels like it’s been gone forever. Apparently creator and star Donald Glover was too busy being very famous and employable to give us more in 2017, so we’ll take whatever he can give us in 2018. 

Netflix

Robin Wright’s House of Cards Reign

Robin Wright has always been the best thing about House of Cards and now she gets to truly own the show for its sixth and final season. After allegations of sexual misconduct by Kevin Spacey came to light, the status of the Netflix series was in question. After deliberation, Netflix and Media Rights Capital said the show must go on¬—without Spacey. Wright’s Claire Underwood ended season five in power, now we get to see her wield it triumphantly.

The CW

Sabrina Gets Spooky

Inspired by the success of Riverdale‘s dark take on Archie Comics, WB and Netflix are teaming up to create the show of our teenage dreams. The Chilling Adventures of Sabrina (you know, the teenage witch) is already our favorite thing to binge and we know absolutely nothing about it yet. Even if we only get a cast in 2018, we are here for it. 

Sipa

Feud Goes Royal

After Feud‘s spot-on casting for Bette and Joan, we can’t wait to see who Ryan Murphy lands in the lead roles for the anthology’s upcoming second installment, Charles and Diana. We have our thoughts on who will fill the royal shoes of Prince Charles and Princess Diana, among others, but we’re sure that Murphy will still manage to surprise us. 

Which TV event are you most excited about for 2018? Sound off in the comments below!

(E!, Bravo and NBC are all part of the NBCUniversal family.)

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[goldstarrsandbigsmiles]

It’s been a long time/I shouldn’t have left you/Without a dope blog to step to

I know I’ve been neglecting this little ol’ blog of mine on account of, well, life – but seeing as my annual birthday reflections have always been a bit therapeutic, and the fact that today marks my THREE YEAR Texaversary (!!), I figured now would be a good time to jump back on the bloggin’ horse. Blorse? No? Fine.

I humbly offer my 34 lessons of the past year:

1. Expecting parents: TAKE A BABYMOON. Even if your husband thinks you made up the word. He will thank you in the end.

2. Europe is cool and all, but CANADA IS RIGHT ABOVE US. AND IT’S GORGEOUS. Why don’t Americans vacation there like all the time? British Columbia is an absolute delight, and I highly suggest it to anyone looking for a getaway.

3. Don’t tell your little brother that the ever-expanding belly button on your pregnant tummy is in a lot of pain or he will continue to poke it just to piss you off.

4. My girlfriend and I went to see Adele in concert last November, and I cried three times. Granted I was totally hormonal, but that woman really does have the most remarkable voice. Anyway, my girlfriend found out she was pregnant the next day, so I’m convinced it was an immaculate conception thanks to Adele. Like actual baby making music.

5. Definitely take a hospital tour if you’re about to give birth. It helps you understand what’s about to go down, and if you’re due around the Super Bowl, it gives your husband a chance to make pre-gaming plans with other dads-to-be on the tour that are expecting around the same time.

6. Sometimes loved ones can only become better versions of themselves if they’re no longer together. Not the easiest reality to accept, but at the end of the day, happiness is the end goal.

7. I don’t care how old you are – arts and crafts during the holidays is the BEST. We’ve developed a bit of a holiday tradition with our fam up in Dallas, and seeing Jeff channel his inner-Martha Stewart every year is pretty amazing.

8. Not being on the east coast for the holidays was super weird this past year, but I’m not gonna lie – H-town Christmas Eve in flip flops with my bestie and her hubs wasn’t the worst way to celebrate.

9. Weeks before my due date, I had a wave of panic that motherhood would result in me neglecting all of my friendships and destroy the most important relationships I worked my whole life to maintain. Then my other bestie immediately booked a flight down for the weekend to convince me otherwise, and I remembered how lucky I am.

10. Pretty sure all those old wives tales of things to induce pregnancy are only to send you on a distracting wild goose chase for random crap so you’re not thinking about how badly you want that baby out of your freaking body.

11. Everyone makes it sound like childbirth is crazy painful. In my experience, that was the easy part. The contractions while naked in the bathroom trying to put on my hospital gown…THAT was the most painful. Thankfully it was short-lived, but GOOD LORD it felt like an eternity. #epidurallife

12. Contractions aside, Max Hudson came into this world with eyes wide open, literally and figuratively. The way his big puppy dog brown peepers stared into my soul when he first laid upon my chest was one of the most surreal experiences of my life. Scratch that, the most surreal experience of my life.

13. I feel like people should be a bit more honest and open about dealing with life post-partum. I think I would have felt much better knowing that everyone’s lady bits were a crime scene for a good portion of time. Mamas, let’s talk about it.

14. Can’t produce breast milk? Producing too much breast milk? Short nipples (apparently it’s a thing, who knew)? DO YOU, GIRL. Formula, breast feeding, pumping, whatevs. Feed that baby however you can and let go of any guilt, because mommin’ is hard enough.

15. Paying for a baby nurse to help when we got back from the hospital was the best money I have ever spent in my entire life.

16. I feel like being a camp counselor and PR manager has always nurtured the maternal streak in me, but seeing the Papa Bear light go off in Jeff’s head (and heart, for that matter) has been one of the most fascinating outcomes of parenthood. I’ve never seen him love anything or anyone so much.

17. I am AMAZED with how many wonderful friends and family have made the trek down to visit us and meet our little man. It’s been wild seeing people who have known us when since were young knuckleheads be a part of this exciting new phase of life.

18. People that visit and offer to help with night feeds are the best ever and deserve a gold medal upon departure.

19. As eager as one may be to get back out and start working off that baby weight, your crotch may feel otherwise. Ladies, listen to your crotch.

20. Babies with big bellies in bathing suits are hilarious. Say that first part three times fast.

21. Maternity leave is this bizarre moment in time when society doesn’t judge you for putting family before professional advancements. It’s beautiful, exhausting and so, so special.

22. At the beginning of mommy hood, I realized how good of a day I had was completely correlated to the amount of sleep I had the night before. No real lesson there – just a dreadful reality.

23. I’m still amazed at how proud of I was for taking Max on a walk to get stamps when he was around four weeks or so. It was such an ordeal getting him out of the apartment – and amazingly enough, in present day, I genuinely have no recollection of what I was so busy doing.

24. Speaking of, I feel bad when my new mom friends ask me for tips and I can’t remember the answers. “How soon did I let him nap in the Boppy? How much formula did I supplement while my milk was coming in? Damn…I’m so sorry, I have no idea.” You really do reach a blackout phase, which I have to believe is so it’s easier to consider more kids down the road. But don’t get it twisted, the thought of having more than one is still completely terrifying.

25. It’s so wild seeing my dad and brother play with and show affection to Max. They’ve yet to hang out with him at the same time, and yet their interactions are almost identical. I guess love is pretty genetic.

26. Moms of newborns: Have questions but too tired to look into answers? Email your partner while he’s at work what you need to research, nap when the baby does (if you can) and wake up to an inbox of Cliff’s Notes. It’s the best way to get shit done.

27. Four month sleep regressions are a thing. And they effing suck. But they’re also temporary, so take deep breaths…and take it one day at a time.

28. If someone offers to help, SAY YES. AND THANK YOU.

29. Want to take walks with your kid in Houston? Mini stroller clip fans. Clutch buy for Clutch City summers.

30. We are lucky Max has two grandfathers that love cooking – taking one thing off our plate whenever they visit. Please, please, please come visit any time for baby snuggles…and Jess feedings. ALL THE FOOD.

31. One of my favorite moments of the past year is having my little cousins meet Max. I am giddy with the idea of them growing up together, hopefully making as many beautiful memories as I have with my cousins.

32. My mother has given me many gifts in this lifetime, but the greatest gift she will ever give me is sleep training Max this summer. Those glorious 11/12 hours every night to do us, or heaven forbid – rest – are GAME CHANGERS. Thank you so much, Sleepy – you have certainly lived up to your name.

33. My mother-in-law recently baby proofed our house and has provided nearly every single toy that Max has in his arsenal. Her help has been life-altering, and I continue to be amazed by what that woman is able to do with a thread and needle…or hammer and nail.

34. Contrary to my biggest fears, the PR world did not forget about me while I took time off. I am so grateful for such wonderful colleagues and opportunities to continue what I love doing professionally. The balance will always be a work in progress, but catching my stride and getting back in the game has truly never felt better.

Feeling good, 34. Let’s do this.