#mariana is so funny as well and he struggles a lot too but that has not stopped him im so proud of him

[truly-deceitful]

so what povs have been your favorite to watch so far and why?

Mine have been vegetta cause his streams are generally chill and he has shown some of the mods implemented so far and their uses which is cool but my favorite aspect is his eagerness to learn and comunicate with anglos, like he has a very basic level of the language but that has not stopped him at all to make friends and giving them stuff he's like the cool and chill hermit living in a cave that's minding his business but is also down to go create chaos. (also the fact that he's so real with everyone when he gets overwhelmed with the language or tired and how everyone respects that and give him time to rest a bit doing his own things and then joining them again)

Philzas pov while we saw very little of it he also minded his business and started grinding asap but whenever someone came along he would stop and ask if they wanted to accompany him or viceversa and just good vibes al around im so exited to see more of his pov.

Quackitys has been my favorite bc you really get the best of both worlds, he constantly checks on the players, if someone is hanging out alone he goes to them, he speaks spanish with the anglos and english with the hispanics but as soon as someone gets overwhelmed he switches back and helps them or encourages them so it is not forcing them to speak the language and he's just so fucking funny.

I yhank qsmp for introducing me to roier cause ive have gotten so attached to him, he's silly, he has some really questionable but creative ideas and he's such a social butterfly like, he's so cool, he also struggles with English but it like I can almost see thru the screen how his brain works to put the context and clues together to talk with everyone.

MISSA like I wish I knew about him sooner, his voice and accent are so fucking cool and you can tell he's been waiting for the moment to flex his English cause this man right there switches almost as fast as quackity I love him sm.

[stop-breaking-my-heart-telltale]

Top 5 Reasons Javier Garcia’s Pretty Great

Of all the games in TWDG, A New Frontier seems to get the most shit. Stick around this fandom long enough and that’ll become apparently pretty quick, especially on other platforms such as reddit and instagram... and y’know, I get it. ANF is far from perfect, parts of the storyline go no where and characters don’t get the development they should have, a lot of people were upset that Clementine wasn’t the main playable protagonist, and certain character models look like... well, they look like potatoes. 

Hell, I’ve talked to some people who flat out say they don’t even consider ANF as part of the canon and skip it when they replay the series, which.... harsh, but you do you. However, if you do skip over ANF for whatever personal reasons you have, you are missing out on what I would consider the best part of that game: Javier Garcia. 

I love Javi, and I will stand by the fact that he’s a pretty damn good playable protagonist. I just wish more love and time was put into developing ANF to give him an even better story but y’know... Telltale was goin’ through shit, so we got this... 

But, I still wanna talk about how great I think Javi is so c’mon, let’s take a walk. 

5. Javi’s relationship with David

Now this might come off as a weird one, especially if your Javi has a more hostile relationship with David. Even so, I find the dynamic between Javi and David to be one of the more compelling aspects of ANF and I wish it was more front and center than it is but y’know. 

So we got Javi, who is the younger, more irresponsible brother who became this hotshot baseball star only to lose it all by gambling. Then you got older brother David who is a military man with a couple kids and a second wife, and he’s always felt a little overshadowed by Javi. This creates this dynamic of brothers who do love each other, but don’t always know how to communicate and confide in one another and it can lead to a lot of tension or hostility.

The route I usually take with a Javier who tries his best with David, who wants this connection despite everything, who made the promise to their father to look out for David and be there for him, to stand with him when he needs it, y’know? 

Some stand out moments for me is during the baseball flashback when David’s trying to open up about something, but struggles because Javi isn’t taking a hint about the serious nature, when they stand together on the roof, and the last conversation we see between them if David survives. 

Oh, and ya can’t forget the “I love you”’s when David is two seconds away from murdering Javi... that’s the good shit. 

And y’know, on the flip side where Javi is against David every step of the way, you can still argue that acts as a more tragic yet compelling story of two brothers who never saw eye to eye, never tried to, and it ended in tragedy... I personally don’t prefer this route, but to each their own. 

Again, this is at #5 because it’s not handled the greatest and it’s a bit of an unpopular choice.... but I don’t care, Javi and his relationship with David is one of my favorites. 

4. He’s pretty charming, isn’t he?

I’m sorry, I can’t help it.... if a charming character can make me laugh, then I almost always end up loving them. Javier Garcia is so damn funny and I love him for it. 

Yeah, ANF is a mess but this dude makes it so much better with his dialogue, a great performance by Jeff Schine, great facial expressions, and just an overall charismatic air around him. 

He’s just super likable, okay? Even when you play him as a total bastard, I have a hard time not enjoying his presence. I’ll be honest, if Javi wasn’t the playable protagonist or if he was this bland, watered down version of himself... I might be one of those people who skip over ANF. 

He’s easily one of my favorite parts of this game and one of the few redeeming things about it. 

3. His growth as a character

Like I mentioned in #5, when we first meet Javi he’s this irresponsible ex-professional baseball player who wasn’t around, even though his father was dying from cancer. After his father dies and he runs to try and make it home in time... he’s too late and David and their mother are pretty upset with him. 

And then his father turns into a walker, and the apocalypse happens. Javi is now trying to survive with Kate, Gabe, and Mariana while everything goes to hell around them. But for someone known to not be around or to skip out when things get a little tough, Javi doesn’t abandon them. Nope, he stays with them for years, traveling around and surviving, making sure they have what they need. 

By the end of the game? Javi’s proved to be a leader, proved that he’s better than he once was. Again, this is ANF so this growth isn’t super smooth or the greatest, but damn it, Javi makes it work. 

He and his family, no matter the combo you got, are staying in Richmond and they’re going to try to start over and rebuild it, make it better than it was.... which I can only assume they succeeded because after that they were never heard from again. 

Also, Javi is constantly having shit thrown his way and somehow he manages to pull through. 

So good job, Javi, you did it. 

2. Javi’s got a lot of force

Listen... Javi is so fun to play as. Like okay, I know that Telltale games don’t have the most complex combat system... you literally just push the buttons as they appear on screen. But I don’t care because Javi makes that fun. 

Javi really puts all of his weight into each hit and you feel it. I don’t know how to explain it, but there’s something satisfying about the way Javi fights with a melee weapon, and it’s not something you feel when you play as Lee or Clementine. You do get it a few times when you place as Michonne in the mini-series, but even then, I would argue that Javi did it better. 

It’s especially prominent towards the end of ep5 if you go after David and Gabe,  and Javi’s on this motorcycle with his damn bat knocking over walker after walker until he finds them... then you get all this intense force when Javi is just gunning and beating down walker after walker to get to the vehicle Gabe and David are trapped in. I love it so much, it’s easily one of my favorite moments in ANF. 

Don’t get me wrong, I have fun playing as Lee and Clementine, but Javier Garcia hits different, y’know? 

1.  He’s really trying his best to care for everyone, okay? 

When we think of Lee as a playable protagonist, we tend to think about how wise he was, how he always seemed to know what he was doing and how much he was willing to sacrifice for Clementine... and when we think of Clem as a playable protagonist in S2, we’ve got this sad little girl who gets punished no matter what she does, she’s smart and often underestimated, but she makes plenty of mistakes which she learns from.

And then we have Javi who has a bit of both in him. He’s older and can have his moments of wisdom [like with Gabe and Clem] but he also has plenty of mistakes he’s gotta learn from and sometimes no matter what he does, everything goes to hell... but Javi does manage to stand out on his own among these two. 

Javi does what he can, he tries his hardest to look after these kids even though he never planned to be a father figure, he works with Kate to make sure they’re safe. When he fucks up, he tries to make things right... even though it doesn’t always work out. He loves Gabe and Mariana, and you can see and feel his heartbreak when he’s the one to bury Mari after she’s killed.... and now he has Gabe, who’s hurting, and he does what he can to make sure he doesn’t meet the same fate which.... sometimes doesn’t work out depending on your ending.

I just-- he’s trying, okay? Javi is trying his best and I love him for it.  

---

Honorable Mentions

-Javi has some of the best deaths/fails moments... seriously, I could watch him confidently run right into those metal stairs and fall to his doom a hundred times. -He’s a literal disaster bi.   -He fucking loves pudding and I mean, who doesn’t? Y’know?  -His bromance with Tripp is pretty good until Tripp dies for death quota reasons. 

---

So what are your thoughts on Javier Garcia? Do you agree with these reasons, or do you have any to add? Lemme know, it’s always fun to have character discussions.

Have any suggestions for future T5F’s? Feel free to send ‘em in! :D

Next week’s T5F

[jacnaylor]

romance book recs!!

romance is my feel good genre, and it’s also usually somewhat easier to read during stressful times, so here’s a list of some books that are either romance or have a romance element i feel like mentioning.

(EDIT: I STAYED UP TILL 2 AM DOING THIS HELP. this is why some of the comments. don’t make any fucking sense.)

romance books and authors:

CONTEMPORARY:

1. The Bromance bookclub series by Lyssa Kay Adams (A group of men form a bookclub dedicated to romance books in order to understand women, improve their relationships and become better men. It’s funny, cute, and all about dismantling toxic masculinity one romance book at a time)

2. Mariana Zapata books (The queen of slowburn romance. The only book I’ve read by her is ‘Under Locke’, but ‘From Lukov with love’ and ‘Kulti’ have rave reviews. There is so much build up and SO much sexual tension with a great pay off)

3. Milly Johnson books (A uk author whose books are primarily set in the north, these are total feel good books. Not so much graphic and more romantic, but her characters are great and her plot lines really hook you in.)

4. The Unhoneymooners by Christina Lauren (Super cute, quick enemies-to-lovers story about a bridesmaid who has to go on a honeymoon with the best man when the bride and groom get food poisoning. Obviously this means the holy of holies: fake relationship!)

5. Well met by Jen De Luca (Oh my gosh! Super fun, the characters are just wonderful especially our heroine. A hate-to-love romance set at a renaissance fair! All about overcoming the limits you set on yourself and rethinking your first impressions.)

6. Katherine Center books (My personal favourites are ‘How to walk away’ about a woman who falls for her PT after a near fatal plane crash. And ‘Happiness for beginners’ about a woman taking part in a wilderness trail with her brothers annoying best friend. She writes such great plots and you really feel all the emotions!)

7. Mhairi Mcfarlane books (my personal favourites are ‘Here’s looking at you’ about a woman who comes face to face with her high school bully years later - only he doesn’t recognize her. And he’s not awful? Don’t worry. I know how that synopsis sounds. He’s not excused his actions, but you also understand how he’s grown and changed. It definitely gets you in the feels though. As does ‘You had me at hello’ Which is about a couple from university meeting again years later. God this woman can write angst and yearning!!)

8. A part of me by Anouska Knight (On the same day she and her husband have been accepted into the adoption process, their marriage implodes. This has such a cute romance which follows hate-to friends- to love and it’s v funny)

9. Southern Eclectic series by Molly harper (Just as it sounds. Southern small town romance with a great, quirky cast of characters)

10. Maggie’s man by Lisa Gardner (writing as Alicia Scott) (An escaped convict kidnaps a woman from the courthouse to act as his hostage whilst he tries to prove his innocence. Surprisingly funny and warm. Maggie as a heroine is an absolute joy. They’re sort of chaotic together and it’s a wild ride.)

11. The Mister by E.L James (LISTEN OK - SIT BACK DOWN - It’s not winning awards but it’s actually decent! I was skeptical, but I will admit I was won over. I mean parts are cheesy but it’s so addictive. Basically a rich man falls for his cleaning lady - but it’s also about the yearning. It’s also quite action packed as there’s danger, drama and a chase across europe to get the girl.)

12. RECENT Colleen Hoover (Now, you may enjoy older CH books. Personally I find them very problematic. Now I’ve really enjoyed her recent books though. Especially ‘Without Merit’ and ‘It ends with us’ and ‘Regretting you’. High angst, high drama, dark topics for all of her books. But you can tell she’s matured with her writing. She isn’t for everyone but they’re addictive, fast paced reads.

13. The Austenland duology by Shannon Hale (You might have seen the Austenland movie - The cutest, cheesiest, sweetest, campiest movie ever. Well there’s a book! It’s about women who go on a holiday and live their own Jane Austen story with actors. The first book leans towards Pride and Prejudice and Mansfield park. The second book is more Northanger abbey and Emma.

14. Brigid Kemmerer contemporaries (She is an auto-buy author for me, especially her contemporaries. She writes the best teenage characters, the best teenage boys I’ve ever read about. Her characters are real, she writes about kids trying their best, struggling, and being good, and kind, and the world not being kind to them. Usually the books have a pov from both the female and male love interest. I would rec any of them tbh. ‘Letters to the lost’ comes before it’s companion novel ‘More than we can tell’. I loved ‘Call it what you want’ with has modern Robin Hood elements!!!! seriously she is my favourite YA contemporary author.

15. Sophie Kinsella books (If you haven’t picked up her stand alone novels then what are you doing???? she is the queen!!!! Personal favourites are ‘Can you keep a secret’ and ‘I’ve got your number)

16. A quiet kind of thunder by Sara Barnard (I love her ok. Her books are short and sweet but she packs a punch. TBH these aren’t primarily romance, they’re more just about teenage girls but this one has a good romance element so I’m putting it on here. It’s about Steffi, a selective mute who sometimes communicates with basic sign language who is assigned to look after the new boy at school Rhys, who is deaf.)

17. Meet me at the museum by Anne Youngson (GORGEOUS! moving, tender. A lonely housewifes strikes up a correspondence with a widowed museum curator in Denmark. Oh gosh. I just love this one. It’s about friendship, love, grief, second chances, the choices we make. Seriously love this one and it’s not that long.)

FANTASY:

1. Sorcery of thorns by Margaret Rogerson (Elisabeth has grown up in the great library, protecting grimoires with powers and fearing sorcerers. When a dangerous grimoire is released, she’s forced to team up with an enigmatic sorcerer and his demonic servant in order to save the world.)

2. Sky in the deep duology by Adrienne Young (A viking inspired story about a warrior who is captured by the tribe she is at war with. Such good tension and it’s also got a lot of action. Battle couple romance! Mutual respect! Hate to love!)

3. The Rose Garden by Susanna Kearsley (I’ve reread this book once but will end up reading it again. It’s a time travel romance about a woman staying in cornwall dealing with the death of her sister who is transported back and forth to the 17th century. It’s a favourite. The romance is wonderful but the stakes are really high too. I also love ‘Belleweather’ by the same author)

4. An ember in the ashes series by Sabaa Tahir (Oh god, the romance. THE ROMANCE! it’s so much. The angst, the pining, the longing. The first book follows Laia, part of a slave class in a roman inspired world. She begins spying in the top military academy and meets Elias, a reluctant soldier. This is a proper fantasy series with only the first three books out, but it’s so great.)

5. Alias Hook by Lisa Jensen (Let me just copy the blurb ok: “Meet Captain James Benjamin Hook, a witty, educated Restoration-era privateer cursed to play villain to a pack of malicious little boys in a pointless war that never ends. But everything changes when Stella Parrish, a forbidden grown woman, dreams her way to the Neverland in defiance of Pan's rules.” I MEAN COME ON. a gorgeous adult fairytale with love and redemption at the center.

6. The Mediator series by Meg Cabot (Obviously Meg Cabot is the most iconic and we stan. But this series is my absolute favourite by her. About Suze Simon, a kickass, no nonsense mediator - Someone who helps ghosts move on to the other side. Sometimes by force. She has to move house and ends up sharing her room with a 100 year old hot ghost named Jesse. The tension. The angst. THE BANTER!!!!)

7. House of Earth and Blood by Sara J Maas (a half fae half mortal girl tries to solve a murder with the help of a fallen angel. It’s a LONG book, but for me personally it flew by. It’s a big new fantasy world but the romance has a great build. Overcoming grief! Being normal together! Being in danger together! THE UST! the characters are so good. I ahven’t been this impressed by a new series for a while)

8. Cursebreakers series by Brigid Kemmerer (yep, she gets another mention. This one is a beauty and the best retelling about a man forced to relive the same season over and over, becoming a literal beat, until a girl from our world can break the curse. The second book, following secondary characters, is my fave so far. But both feature kickass ladies and those small romantic moments BK is so good at)

9. A court of thorns and roses series by Sara J Maas (a fae inspired beauty and the beast retelling. The only time you support a ship switch. Also the secondary ships are getting their own books and oh my god. I’m so excited.)

HISTORICAL/CLASSICS/MILLS AND BOON

1. Jane Austen (The original rom com queen, obviously. Pride and prejudice and Emma are faves. Also I have a major soft spot for the alwayc chaotic and underrated Northanger Abbey)

2. North and South by Elizabeth Gaskell (Actually might be my favourite classic ever. Often described at an industrial p&p. Margaret, from the south, comes face to face with the harsh reality of the world when she moves up north and comes face to face with a brooding millowner. There’s obviously a lot more nuance than that but. THE PINING!!!!!! THE MISCOMMUNICATION! THE DRAMA!)

3. The Guernsey Literary and Potato Peel Pie Society by Mary Ann Shaffer (You might have seen the film. Please also read the book. Told entirely in letters. The sharp witted author Juliet Ashton falls in love with Guernsey and it’s characters whilst researching what happened there during the war. Funny, moving and romantic.)

4. The Veronica Speedwell series by Deanna Raybourn (A butterfly hunter foils her own kidnap and is paired together with a reclusive natural historian. They solve mysteries together. They can’t admit they wanna sleep together. The tension.......unbearable. See also the Julia Grey mysteries by the same author)

5. The warrior knight and the widow by Ella Matthews (So last year I discovered Mills and Boon and I have no shame about it whatsoever. This is a medieval beauty and the beast retelling about a woman being escorted to her fathers estate by an enigmatic and scarred knight. She’s hoping to convince her father to let her steward her own lands, and of course trying not to fall for her escort.)

6. The bareknuckle bastards series by Sarah Maclean (A badass, brooding trio of siblings who rule the underbelly of Covent Garden fall for smart, beautiful women. Opposites attract, Good girl/bad boy, strong women, banter. Super fun historical romance)

7. Redeeming the reclusive earl by Virginia Heath (I just read this and it was seriously cute!!!! And book where the hero blushes even once is a good book in my opinion. Basically aspiring antiquarian named Effie barrels into the life of a new earl - who really just wants to be left alone to be grumpy and sad and disfigured. ALONE. But Effie wants to dig on his land. And she won’t take no for an answer. She also talks A LOT.

8. A family for the widowed governess by Ann Lethbridge (Technically this is part of a series but you don’t need to read them in order and this is the best one. A widow who is being blackmailed accepts a governess post. She can’t tell her employer about the blackmail especially when she starts falling for him.)

9. The bedlam stacks by Natasha Pulley (I read watchmaker and didn’t like it but you might like it. This one also FEAUTRES A M/M ROMANCE. I know this list was super straight im sorry. Anyway this is about a botanist falling in love with a priest in the jungle.

10. The wilderness series by Sara Donati (Think outlander without the time travel and also not set in scotland. Basically Last of the Mohicans fanfiction about Hawkeye’s grown up son. An english woman moves to america when her father promises she can be a school teacher there. Little does she know he actually has plans to marry her off. Things get more complicated when she falls for Nathaniel Bonner, a white man raised native american and who’s daughter and extended family is Native American. Like outlander there’s romance, adventure, history. But unlike the outlander books the love interest is a decent guy (i say as if i don’t love the tv show)

STUFF THAT REALLY ISN’T ROMANCE AT ALL. BUT I SHIP A SHIP.

1. The Lacey Flint series by Sharon Bolton (Lacey Flint is a police officer who becomes involved in the hunt to catch a Jack the ripper copycat. There actually is a strong romantic element with the other lead police officer.)

2. The last hours duology by Minette Walters. A novel about the black death and a closed estate lead by a woman who’s trying to protect her people. There’s also a kind of murder mystery. But she also has a close relationship to one of the surfs that I got super invested in.

3. The Strike series by J.k Rowling (I know we don’t stan anymore but. This series about  PI and his assistant slowly growing closer? Becoming best friends and partners? Not acknowledging any feelings for each other?

[smalltowndetective]

Thank you so much for creating that question game! It's always nice when a new one pops up and you did so great! Could I get 9 for Felix and Thea, 5 for Adam and Natasha, and 8 for M and Mariana please?

Of course! I had a lot of fun making this! It came from my realization when I doing my character sheets for my detectives (you’d think I was writing a novel with them from how detailed they are haha) I was writing my very stubborn N detective, and then that got the idea that I should ask how everyone else’s detectives saw it, and then I wanted to ask more questions about the different routes, and it resulted in a very long list haha. So, here is the result!

Felix and Thea-9- If in a relationship with F, how is your detective settling into it? If not, is that something they would want now, or are they still unsure, and if so, why?

Adam and Natasha-5- Saying that A has the carnival picture, how do you think your detective will react once they find out they have it?

Mason and Mariana- Personally, how do you think your detective will react when M admits they have deeper feelings for the detective?

And all of this will go under the cut, because, as usual, my answers are very long :D

Felix and Thea- 9-  If in a relationship with F, how is your detective settling into it? If not, is that something they would want now, or are they still unsure, and if so, why?

They are in a relationship, which what Thea would consider the easiest decision in her life. But you know what? Instead of going on forever like I could do, I’m going to share a small snippet from a fic I’ve been working on for ages now that kind of gives some insight into how Thea’s taking being in a new relationship. (Formatting text messages is weird, so hopefully that all comes across okay)

Thea started to type out her response to that, but just before she sent it, she managed to stop herself.

Thea: Of course!

Love you!

               She sent her phone down in shocked surprise, and her head continued to spin.

               Love you

               It was not something that she had even thought about, just something that she seemed to write on instinct, and as much as it surprised, a part of her knew that she should not be. Those words always seemed to be on the tip of her tongue when she was around him, and she feared the day that she would say it without thinking about it.

               Isn’t it a bit early to say something like that?

               What is it just ends up pushing him away?

               But regardless if or not she said it, there was one thing that she was sure of. She knew it was true. Her feelings already ran deep for Felix, even with the few months that they had known each other, and she hoped that one day, it would be the right time to set it all free.

               I think most people would say it is too early to really know.

               But I don’t think I’ve ever been so sure of something in my entire life.

So, to answer your question, Thea’s settling into it quite well. :D Even with her fears that it could all disappear tomorrow, I don’t think she could point to a time in her life where she has been happier. Now, the F “I love yous” which I am hoping we get in Book 3, is the next step. :)

Adam and Natasha-5- Saying that A has the carnival picture, how do you think your detective will react once they find out they have it?

Natasha is a strange one to write with Adam, and I’ll kind of briefly explain why. After her breakup with Bobby, she’s never let herself be in another relationship, cutting herself off from that world. She was always stoic, but the experience just made her even more so, and the last thing she would have expected was to catch feelings for someone almost as emotionally cut off as she was. She spent the entirety of Book 2 acting like she felt nothing, treating the carnival mission exactly what it was- a mission (Never mind that she actually was enjoying being there with him. She’ll never admit that) Or would she ever admit how surprised she was when he pulled them closer together for the picture in the first place. (You’re getting none of that from her) Or maybe, just how panicked she was after finding Adam paralyzed in the house of mirrors. Because that definitely never happened. Natasha even wrote off tu omnia of all things (she knows languages well) as him just being on meds, not remembering what he said anyway. (But it did give her the smallest amount of hope, even if she’ll never admit that) And then the night under the fireworks happened, and she was just coming around to the idea that maybe, she did have feelings for him after all, and it was not a awful thing that she did. Up to this point, I think this may be different in-game, but it my head, she was using “Commanding Agent” exclusively, but near the end, she started to use his name more. And then that month of separation happened, and it absolutely tore her up inside, though she tried to act like she was not bothered by it, and she reverted back to his title, finding it easier for her bruised heart to deal with. Now, back to the actual question (said I would keep this brief, apparently not haha). Natasha has put the carnival picture out of her mind, almost completely forgetting about it, so if she was to find to find out that Adam had it, she’d be quite shocked. Openly, she might not say much, acting as if she almost expected him to have it, but on the inside? A flower of almost hope would bloom, that maybe, just maybe, he’s not as apathetic toward her as he would like her to believe. She wouldn’t push it, not sure how to take her own walls coming down, much less trying to force anyone else’s, but it would be a sign for her, that’s she is not the only one struggling with this. :D

Mason and Mariana- Personally, how do you think your detective will react when M admits they have deeper feelings for the detective?

The funny thing about Mari? She got with Mason under the impression it would be a fling and nothing else, and had not idea she was going to “catch feelings” Currently, she’s still pretty unaware of what is feeling, and what she really wants, but she gets the desire to be close to him in just a friendly way, and she’s not sure why that is. It’s almost a softer feeling, much sweeter then her usual smirk, and while she does not fully understand it, she doesn’t want to push it away. Now, at this point, does she think it will ever be something serious? No. In her eyes, she knew this was going to be unserious when she got into it, and even if she wanted that to change, it’s not fair to her to expect Mason to also want the same thing. Her first hint of deeper feelings was after Mason was injured after the mission with the trappers, and the raw fear that filled her. Now, she’s rationalizing those now as being upset a team mate was injured, but I don’t think she’s always going to be able to do so. Right now, Mari is afraid of being vulnerable, afraid that giving someone her heart would just give the power to destroy her. But, it has not gone unnoticed the unsarcastic way he’s been using “sweetheart”, and while she has been chided herself for her reaction to it, she can not say that she has not been touched by it. So, when Mason actually admits he was deeper feelings? Since I’m not sure when Book that will be in, I’m not as sure on Mari’s reaction, but I do think it will be a great relief to her. That she was not the only one with this confusing mess of feelings, and at the point where it would probably be, she’ll have the desire to want a serious relationship for the first time in her life. :)

These all got very long, but I hope you liked them! Thank you for asking! You’re the best! ❤

[kae-karo]

marianas trench: phantoms

the absurd album overanalysis, commentary, and ranking nobody asked for

first, my personal ranking (don’t get me wrong tho i love the entire damn album):

1. wish you were here 1. don’t miss me 1. the death of me 2. your ghost 2. the killing kind 3. only the lonely survive 3. echoes of you 4. glimmer 4. i knew you when 4. eleonora

the album as a whole: oh such an awesome story and so awesomely inspired by the horror genres?? i think some of the non-singles hit the horror mark better but like oh my god it’s such a cool vibe the whole entire thing???? i know the concept was like,,,,,,descent into madness but you can totally feel this struggle with it and with the idea of a doomed/dead relationship, it’s just so so well done??? my one complaint is that i’m not musically inclined enough to recognize where all the references are bc unlike in no place like home and dearly departed, there aren’t really as many lyric references to other albums/songs, it’s more the music. and i know it well enough to go ‘oh that’s familiar, for sure’ but i can’t for the life of me figure out where from (in most cases)

eleonora: i mean the title is based on the short story by edgar allan poe (x) true to theme from the beginning, which (long story short) is about a woman the narrator falls in love with (well, his cousin) but she’s ill and will die, blah blah blah she does and the narrator vows never to marry anyone else but later he does and his first love comes back from beyond the grave to give her blessing for the new marriage - already basically i’m getting vibes of like,,,,,,a genuine desire to move on? which is great imo and like a step forward from previous albums? plus the whole acapella delivery is super reminiscent of so it goes (x) and the layered voices reminiscent of the intro to end of an era (x). plus we have the direct ref to the raven (x) by poe with ‘midnight dreary’. also the idea of ‘don’t hush’ which is later touched on as ‘just hush’ in the killing kind? oof interesting v v interesting

only the lonely survive: a bop a massive bop but! also! just a very intriguing take (at least to me) on a doomed-to-fail relationship, the idea that you can actively acknowledge a relationship is hurting both parties but...choose to stay. i also like the idea (which i might just be extrapolating) that to truly live, to have a really poignant relationship, you have to sort of give yourself over to it? ‘only the lonely survive’ - only those who isolate themselves truly ‘get out alive’ if you will but like, that’s the beauty of putting yourself out there? is like, you truly feel everything, i guess. ‘it hurts like hell to love this well’ sort of touches on that same idea for me. anyway the whole thing goes hard as hell and i love it. ‘he’ll never know you / not the way that i knew you’ we love intra-album references !!!

echoes of you: okay didn’t love this at first bc it felt repetitive (and it was coming on the heels of only the lonely survive which i adored) but it also felt really unique and a little different? when the released it as a single, it’s the first time i thought of this album as truly horror-inspired and totally picked up on the tell-tale heart vibe (x) which was just so interesting, i love how stories like that have turned into these really fresh songs that still call back to these kinds of madness-inspiring stories - that a love can inspire that kind of madness, even when it’s gone. i also wonder if the idea of ‘can’t stop myself from falling now’ has less to do with falling in love (which is, for me, the immediate connotation) and more to do with ‘falling into madness’. the verses and the tempo are so well-paced as well, like this frantic feeling? then the chorus comes in with this suspenseful set of chords? and the theremin in the background!!!! the best way to give a truly Spooky™ vibe. the idea of tell-tale heart, the story, too, is that the narrator is trying to sound completely sane, and explain the murder they’ve committed and why it was justified - that goes along with the theme of this album, too, where there’s this undercurrent of trying to insist that the doomed relationship is somehow justifiable

don’t miss me?: oh i adore this and the idea of ‘oh hah yeah no i don’t miss you like at all,,,,,,,,,,,,,do you ‘not miss me’ too?’ and like this,,,,,,not obsession but the idea of trying to actively move past missing someone? but just constantly getting caught up on it? unrelated to the meaning but oh my god the little background vocals, adore it. ‘some people try to raise the dead / some people try to live instead’ is like. that’s one of those things that i lowkey would love to get tattooed on my body or something. just really good words, because that’s what it’s like moving on from a rough relationship - and it’s hard to like, see that when you’re in the thick of it? bc like imagine losing a loved one and trying to bring them back to life - we’ve all heard the story, it’s never what’s expected, it’s never quite right and the same goes for relationships. and so, the idea of living instead, of moving on. also the vocal run up to the high note toward the end (x - look idk Music Words) reminds me of something but i can’t quite place it. also ‘i don’t remember why we stayed’ and then in wish you were here, we get ‘i don’t recall now why we’re buried’ which is a fun contradiction

wish you were here: that middle-of-the-night madness that goes alongside one love (x) like,,,,,if you took it one step on the other side of madness and entertained the idea of reviving a relationship that should be dead. except it’s such a bop unlike one love, like it sounds a lot like it could be on astoria, and it’s got that back beat matching this means war (x) in fact, it feels like the exact polar opposite of this means war (like...instead of ‘lmao i’m totally awesome without you��� it’s like ‘i’m,,,,,maybe not doing so great without you, shit i really wish you were here, wish we were together’)? but with the same sort of vibe in terms of the music itself? and the outro (x) reminds me hardcore of something else i can’t quite place

your ghost: this one also reminds me a lot of the general vibe of astoria with hints of like. modern touches? this one reminds me a lot of wildfire actually? (x) but a bit more upbeat? like that guitar style i think is what does it. it feels a lot like there’s this...almost unwilling pull toward the idea of ‘madness’ that they’re focused on, like....a sort of awareness of the descent? also the softer bit toward the end where it’s just josh and the guitar (x) reminds me a lot of something that i once again cannot place for the life of me

glimmer: oh no,,,,,,,,,okay first this (it’s just audio but tumblr won’t let me add audio on its own in a post like this):

so my first and most important comment is that all i can think about when i hear this song is ‘halo by beyonce halo by beyonce halo by beyonce halo by beyonce’ and it tends to run over everything else lmao. but! i think conceptually it’s more of that descent into madness, into seeing some sort of trace of a relationship, like some sort of residual glimmer that sticks to things, to people. ‘it’s funny what you find when you go without’, like the idea of....probably hallucinating in a sense, but starting to see the relationship/the other person everywhere, on everything, when you’re missing them? even to the point that, when the person comes back, maybe the memories of that relationship stick around too - ‘you’ve changed but it’s not enough / and doubt is insidious / creeps up on you softly / i can’t get it off me, i can’t get it off me now’ like this idea that even though it’s something wanted, to come back together (no matter how bad it might end up), memories and the past can’t really be forgotten - ‘you’ve changed but it’s not enough’ - very reminiscent of wildfire (x - ‘so now you show up when you’re alone again / but we haven’t changed, but now you’re interested) ngl too the overall feeling of the song reminds me of one love? (x)

i knew you when: so this song sorta came out of nowhere to me, like it felt weird and off-kilter like...i knew you when? when what? but like. now it makes a lot more sense, in this sort of...well, twisted way. it feels like things have been twisted around. it comes off the back of glimmer, too, and i think that’s like - oh, these memories are here, lingering, and this is almost a deep-dive into them? it tells a bit of a story and i think it’s less abstract, but it definitely harps hard on the idea that ‘i’ve been loving, loving you too long to just sudden-suddenly move on from this’ that sort of encompasses the entire album really cleanly. it’s interesting, actually, it almost feels like a very sincere moment of clarity and specificity amidst a mess of this drifting toward ‘madness’, but still hinting at that little bit of ‘okay but if you want to....i’ll know you then’, this like concession to that madness, an indulgence in it? 

the death of me: oh catch me melting over the transition between songs, utterly seamless. love it. this one is another one that like....feels like a breath of clarity in awareness? like this acknowledgment that there’s something off, this lingering desire for someone from the past, that there’s an emptiness, that this new thing isn’t right, even if it’s something wanted. because other wanted things (or people) make it impossible. i think it’s also the first time in a while where another party (ie not them nor the person they’ve got this tangled relationship with throughout the album so far) is mentioned which is v interesting. i think this track does an excellent job of bringing a ghostly vibe to it, the echoing vocals and background sounds, they almost elicit this feeling of like. the person is drifting away from the person they’re trying to make a new start with, like literally drifting? almost being pulled in by the ‘madness’? and it’s a heartbreaking song, too, bc there’s this emanating desperation to like...move on? and make things work? but this acknowledgement that...maybe that’s not happening? maybe it’s not possible? maybe there’s too much baggage, in a sense? there’s also that very long outro that starts off a little intriguing, adventurous almost, and then descends into this frightening crescendo (x - that also has a hint of something else in it) before these voices come in, crescendoeing again into this sudden stop and then you’ve got josh saying ‘save me from myself’ which i feel like is a reference?????? also cannot believe they made me download that and reverse it so i could figure that out lmao

the killing kind: it wouldn’t be a mt album without a song that’s all over the place and somehow still cohesive and intriguing, huh? oh big mood for the intro, with the very great imagery of wandering a haunted house at night, staring into the shadows, and then ‘the killing kind’ - i think the whole thing is a super interesting concept, again, this acceptance of some of the fault in a failed relationship? ‘but you’ve been haunted too’ and yet not all of it, i think a lot of media represents things as black and white, with all the blame on one person, when that’s rarely the case? anyway, it’s interesting it’s addressed. ‘nevermore’ of course being another edgar allan poe reference (disclaimer there may be other references i’m missing since i’m not massively well-read in the horror genre) i’m also intrigued by ‘can’t get out / from under it / nevermore to leave here’, is that a lover dearest (x) reference? bc that’s what came to mind, honestly. again, excellent with the background vocals giving that eerie vibe. and then the stephen king ‘it’ reference with ‘we all float down here’. ngl that one feels a little forced but again, i’m like. not well-read in the horror genre so there may be more layers to that one than i know. ‘it gazes back / sings to me / i know my love can be the killing kind’ - i think this is interesting that it sings back, that feels very much like a callback that maybe their own previous songs are hinting at the love being ‘the killing kind’. also ‘you should never be here’ makes me think of something (x) the hard guitar/violins in the background during ‘here and now / this is it’ etc remind me of something else. and then ofc we have the astoria run/vocals (x) and then the ref to echoes of you (although it sounds like the slightest pitch lower than in echoes of you?) and then the whole bit with ‘don’t love the bottle’ i swear on my life it sounds like it comes from somewhere? same with the background melody? but i have no idea where, it just sounds like a reference. and then we have the background little melody (x) after he says ‘a hidden melody’ so it’s like reinforced that it’s a reference but idk where from rip lmao. edit: ty to the lovely anon who mentioned it’s from masterpiece theater!!!!! and once again a++++ use of a theremin in the background for max spooky vibes. also ‘evermore’ is totally a reference to ever after (x) along with the little lift after that (i assume) and then the whole acapella bit calls back to eleonora and the ‘now’ bit to something (x) plus the ‘hear me now’ from something wow i’m great at this game lmao as well as the ‘don’t you hear me’ part. ‘we could be together here / forever we’re together bound in madness’ i think again a lover dearest and then ofc we have the vocal runs from something (x) and then the strong background violin from another thing (yeah yeah i know they’re all references i just don’t know what from) and then he says ‘just hush eleonora’ which, as previously mentioned, is a very intriguing development from ‘don’t hush’ like this,,,,,,acceptance of the madness? and then ofc he says ‘eleonoria’ in ref to astoria. edit: also the whole ending is so so similar to the ending of ever after

[ficdirectory]

Somewhere Inside (Disuphere series #4) Chapter 30

(To listen, click here) - 13:42

“He came home when?” Pearl asks, incredulous, sitting on Frank’s porch with Jesus.

“About 4 AM.  I heard him come in,” Jesus passed along, looking concerned.

“I hope you weren’t up all night,” she says.

“No, but I’m pretty tuned into when the door opens.  Dominique waited up, though.  So, he wasn’t alone when he came in.”

“Seriously, Jesus, should I be worried here?  Is there something I should know about Levi?”

“Talk to him.  If you wanna know, you need to talk to him.  You can’t go behind his back.”

“He legitimately has a 3-9:45 shift today,” she shares - a non sequitur.

Jesus spots her shaking hands.  She doesn’t bother hiding them anymore.  “You don’t like when he works late?”

“No...I mean, I don’t.  But that was the same shift I had when…” she ventures.  “And it’s not exactly the same, but it’s close enough.  It happened on a Saturday night through Sunday.  This year, it falls on a weekend, too, so…” Pearl sips hot tea from her travel mug.

Jesus grimaces.  “Hate when it does that.”

“I know,” she nods.  “And I know it isn’t rational...but like...rationality doesn’t really matter when it comes to this.  I can’t help but imagining the same thing happening to him.  And if it did…  I could never forgive myself, you know?”

“Yeah, I know.  I worry about Francesca the same way,” Jesus sympathizes.

“But I think Dominique’s planning to go into town with him when he goes to work.  Stick close.  You know?  Might give you peace of mind.”

“Why would she do that?” Pearl asks.

“I mean...they’re friends.  Dominique cares about him.  She knows he’s had a hard time.  I think she just wants him to know he has a friend nearby.  If he needs one.”

Pearl expels a breath.  “Yeah, that does help.  Confession: my mother has been blowing up my phone, as the kids say.”

Jesus looks sidelong at her.  “I don’t think the kids say that anymore…” he jokes.  “But...wait.  What?  I thought you told her to beat it.”

“I did.” Pearl maintains.

“She can’t take a hint, or…” Jesus asks.

“Basically.” Pearl nods.  “I haven’t told Levi, because he’s been so stressed.  And he’s been over here, so he hasn’t needed to worry about it.”

“What’s she want?” Jesus asks.

“Oh, just to make me feel guilty about my life choices.  To make this weekend all about her.  Take your pick.”

Jesus grimaces.  “You have nothing to feel guilty about.  And this weekend is about you.  She’s messing with your head.  Trust me, I know what that looks like.”

“You think she’s like, manipulating me?” Pearl wonders, surprised.

“Well, I don’t think she’s loving you.  I’ll put it like that,” Jesus mutters darkly.

Pearl’s mouth falls open.  “Wow.  Okay.”

“Sorry.  If that was, you know, too harsh or whatever.”  Jesus apologizes.

“No, I need Jesus levels of bluntness in my life right now,” Pearl insists.

There’s silence.  There’s a squirrel in the yard Dudley really wants to chase.  But Cleo scares it away with her goofy bark.

“So, what do you wanna do this weekend?  Like, how do you wanna handle it?” Jesus asks.  “I get that there’s not a lot of lead time.  But it helps me going into days like these to kinda have a plan.  To know what I want to happen.  What I don’t.  What do you usually do?”

“Sleep,” Pearl shares unceremoniously, stroking Cleo.  Their time walking the dogs together has to be some of Pearl’s favorite.  But this morning they’d saved all the major conversation for afterward.

“Do you wanna sleep this weekend?” Jesus wonders, no judgment.

“No, I wanna hang out with you guys.  I just...don’t know how I’ll be…  If someone brings it up, or whatever…” Pearl worries.

“Well, we wouldn’t want you thinking we don’t care.  Just that...I don’t know.  Sometimes I don’t want people in my family to bring it up on hard days.  Sometimes I do, but just like, peripherally.  I don’t like a big deal made.”

“What are you asking?” Pearl tries.

“Do you think you’ll wanna discuss it?  Like, should we check in with you?” Jesus clarifies.

“I have no idea.  No one has ever asked me that.  No one’s ever been here with me through it, except when it happened, and even then, Mom didn’t know it happened.  I didn’t tell her for like a week…”

“Dude…” Jesus breathes.

“Yeah, I know, right?  Brutal.” Pearl tells him.

“It is.” Jesus nods.

“I think I’ll want to know people remember it’s a hard weekend?” Pearl ventures.  “Check in with me, but not too directly?”

“Like, ‘How you doin’ with that?’” Jesus asks.

“Kind of, I guess.” Pearl makes a face.  “Don’t make a massive deal but don’t forget me?”

“Done.  Hey, and maybe leave your phone on silent or something?” he asks.  “Just so you don’t have your mom bugging?”

“Right,” Pearl nods.  “Do you think Levi’s gonna be okay tonight?  Like, can I stay close around here so if I need you or Mariana to talk me off a ledge about him, you can?”

“Totally, yeah,” Jesus nods.

“And…” Pearl hesitates.  “Can we do Feelings Laundry again?  We missed yesterday and...I can tell.  I think I need it.  Especially this weekend.  But if Levi and Dominique are gonna be gone tonight, then I’m not sure how it’ll--”

Cleo’s licking her now.  Pearl barely feels it.

“Pause,” Jesus interjects gently.  “Get your breath.”

Pearl breathes, albeit shakily.  She feels ridiculous. “I should have known, every time I start to ramble, that’s a bad sign.  Like, come on, Pearl, gather yourself.  This isn’t a big deal,  Why are you making it one?”

“Pearl,” Jesus interjects softly.    

She meets his gaze.  He just stares back, quiet.  For a whole minute.  When he finally does speak, his words surprise her:

“This is a really big deal.  And it makes a lot of sense that you’re struggling right now.  I know you mentioned Feelings Laundry….  Hey, are you breathing?  Don’t hold your breath.  Breathe.  Can you?”

“Just in…” Pearl manages.

“You okay if I talk to you about candles?” he asks, throwing her for a loop again.

“What?” she asks.

“I mean, they don’t trigger you or anything, do they?” Jesus persists.

“No.  They’re fine,” she says, breathless.

“So, imagine there’s a candle.  Or...a cake with lots of candles…  Like your birthday cake…”

“Very funny…” Pearl gasps.

“You need a good breath to blow out those candles.  So, when you’re ready...just take a deep breath and blow them out.  You might need to do it a few times…”

“For Levi, too…” Pearl manages.

“What?  Wait, you guys...have the same birthday?” Jesus asks, incredulous.

Pearl nods, finally drawing in a deep breath.

“Okay, so you’ll need some for your candles and some for his, ‘cause he’s still sleeping...and the cake’s invisible,” Jesus coaches.

Pearl highly doubts that pretending to blow out candles on a cake is going to help anything.  She tries.  It’s harsh.  Sudden.  Not calm.

“So, long and slow.  You gotta get to all the candles and Levi’s cake is back here,” Jesus gestures vaguely.

After forever, it seems like Pearl can breathe again.  “Sorry, I’m such a mess.”

Jesus smiles a little.  “Messy is okay,” he says.  “So, you asked about Feelings Laundry.  And including Levi and Dominique.  What do you think about asking everybody if they wanna have it after lunch today instead of after dinner?  So we all can be there.”

“Yeah,” Pearl nods.  “You are pretty incredible,” she tells him.  

“Well, I have this pretty amazing role model who I’ve looked up to for years,” Jesus says.

“Oh, please.  I’m hideous.”

“You need to change that inner dialogue…” Jesus encourages.  “I think you mean, reasonably upset given the circumstances…and an amazing role model.”

“Stop,” she insists, laughing a little.

“Okay.” Just like that, Jesus does.  It doesn’t matter that she’s laughing.  That she meant it lightly.

Jesus listened.

He always listens.

--

Francesca wakes up and finds Jesus not in the fort.  For a second, she feels like crying.  She can’t keep having her friends and her brother just disappearing.  She puts her blanket around her and creeps out of the fort.  To the window.  

Luckily, she sees Jesus out there with Pearl, talking.  It makes her feel an inch better.  But still.  Levi.  She went to sleep last night and he wasn’t home.  After spending  the day with her and then coming home, he was just gone.

It was scary.

Mariana and Dominique’s door is closed.  Francesca approaches the big staircase and decides to crawl up it.  No one is here to see and make fun of her.  And she can always go down on her butt later.

She makes it all the way up, to the loft and then scurries to the far side by the bookshelf, as far away from the stairs as possible.  She remembers the rule about bedrooms and is too nervous to knock and see if Levi answers, but she sits in the chair and waits.

She falls asleep waiting.

When the door creaks, Francesca jump-scares herself awake.  Levi jumps, too.  He looks different.

Francesca gets up and walks to him.  Stands in front of him.  He bends down and she can’t help it.  She throws her arms around him, biting her lip to keep her tears in, but it doesn’t even help and soon she’s sobbing like a baby.  (But quietly because people are sleeping, plus Jesus’s trauma doesn’t like loud crying.)

“Whoa.  Hey…” he says.  His voice sounds scratchy.  He rocks back so he’s sitting.  She goes, too.  She feels like she can never let go of him.

“I thought you were gone,” she gasps.

“You, what?” he asks, quiet.  Confused.

“Thought...you were...gone!  Like Jesus!  I thought...somebody took you!” Francesca sobs.  It feels like her heart actually is breaking.  It’s the worst feeling.

“Hey…  No…  Nobody took me,” Levi rubs her back.  

Francesca cries a little more before she can start calming down.  “I’m sorry,” she apologizes, not looking at him.

“It’s okay.  I’m sorry I scared you.  I didn’t know.  I won’t do it again.” Levi says seriously.

“When people just go and don’t tell me…  It just…  I don’t know…” Francesca tries.

“Maybe it reminds you…” Levi asks, his voice still sounding like he’s sick.

“Of Jesus being gone, too,” Francesca nods.  

“You’re pretty young.  Do you remember that?” he asks.

“No, he came back when I was one and a half,” Francesca wipes her eyes.  “But the last time we were here, Moms thought Jesus was gone again.  Moms were fighting and checking to see if he fell through the ice outside.  Mariana was crying.  Jude and Brandon were fighting and Callie kept asking to go look for him but Moms told her ‘We can’t lose you, too.’”  He was gone a long time.  Then he came back.  But I still remember him being gone.  The feeling inside.”

“Being unprotected,” Levi offers.

“I think…” Francesca nods.  “Like every bad thing could suddenly really happen.  Bad guys were real.  There was more than just Jesus’s one bad guy.  The world, like, became dangerous…So, last night it felt the same, even though you’re not Jesus.”  Francesca’s looking at Levi in the eyes.  “Did you feel that way?  Is that why you left?”

“No,” Levi shakes his head.  “I felt guilty.  Like I was selfish for wearing you out.  And getting you and Dominique followed.”

“You didn’t,” Francesca insists.  “I wore myself out.  And the peon followed us, not you.”

Levi cracks a smile.

“Next time, can you just ask?” Francesca begs.

“Ask what?” Levi wonders.

“If you’re feeling guilty about stuff.  Ask if it’s true.  We’ll tell you.  Friends don’t lie, you know?” Francesca tells him.

“What if they tell me it is…” Levi worries.

“Friends also don’t hurt each other on purpose.  Or at all.  So…” she shrugs.  “If you’re worried about a lot of stuff just come talk to us about it.  We’re like your dad.  We’ll protect you.”

“Thank you, Francesca,” he squeezes her again.  “Hey, how did you get up here?”

“Crawled.”

“Ah.  Need a hand down?”

“Not really,” she hesitates.

“No?  Why?”

“What if I wanna stay here?  Not in your room, just outside it like this?” Francesca asks.

“Well, I was thinking about...getting some pancakes.” Levi winks.

“We didn’t buy any…” Francesca objects.

“But I did, and I hid them in a secret spot.  Wanna come down and find them with me?” he asks.

“Yeah.” Finally, Francesca smiles.  She grabs her blanket but then can’t figure out how to bring it with her and go down stairs.

“Here, I have an idea.  What about...a cape?” Levi asks, tying the blanket at two corners around Francesca’s neck.  “And what about a boost?” he bends down for her to climb on, piggyback style.

She does.

“Just hang on tight,” Levi insists.

“I will.  I have strong arms,” Francesca shares, holding on extra tight.  

They find the pancakes in the freezer.  Levi shows her the best way to eat them: with peanut butter and maple syrup.  It really does taste great.

“I’m glad you came home,” Francesca tells him, around a bite of pancake.  “I’d miss you tons, otherwise…”  She stabs another bite with her fork.  “Just so you know?  Avoiders?  Don’t avoid each other.”

“Wait.  I’m an Avoider?” Levi asks.

“Of course.” Francesca nods.

“Why, of course.  You barely know me.”  Levi says, looking away.

“Well, Jesus didn’t know me at first, but that didn’t mean we weren’t brother and sister,” Francesca shrugs.

“You don’t have to include me in your thing…” Levi hesitates.

“Too late.  You’re included,” Francesca smiles.  “It’s good.  It means you’re wanted.”

Levi wipes his eyes.

Francesca doesn’t make fun of him.  She just hands him a napkin for his tears.

[nightmareonfilmstreet]

7 Horror Reads to Chill Your Soul This Summer

It’s summertime, and word on the street is that the livin’ is easy. If you’re anything like me, summer’s arrival means that you’re hiding in the air conditioning and comfort of your home (mosquitos find me quite the tasty treat and I’m not trying to contract West Nile). Othersout there who aren’t as delicious to the carnivorous ectoparasites of the world as I am are hitting the road. They’re going to the beach, they’re camping, and they’re laying in the sun to absorb the delectable, radioactive rays of the sun. It’s the time of cold drinks, loud music, and if you’re a fiend like the rest of here at NOFS, spooky stories.

While the rest of the world tries to limit the creepy and macabre to the month of October, we live a life of perpetual petrification. When you’re at the beach or hanging out by the pool, let the other people get in and splash around like shark bait. We know that there’s nothing sweeter than a horror novel to help keep you cool and take your breath away. So, for this article, I’m going to highlight some of my favorite horror novels that are great summer reads.

So what makes a horror novel a “Great Summer Read”? Well, brevity is a plus. We don’t really want to be lugging around Stephen King’s IT or Robert McCammon’s Swan Song on our way to the beach or up a hiking trail. I struggle to carry those beasts from my bookshelf to the couch, to be honest. So, while it’s not an automatic disqualification, I tried to stay away from the 1,000 page behemoths of the horror world. I also tried to take a look at subject matter and pick titles that involve summer, summer breaks, vacations, or basically anything that can whisk you away to land of pure imagination. Basically what I’m saying to all of you is that this is a completely subjective list. I loved reading these titles either this summer or in summers past, and I think you will, too.

So, without further ado, here is my list of Great Summer Horror Reads:

  1. The Troop by Nick Cutter

    This was the first novel I read from Nick Cutter, and it hooked me for life. It follows a troop of 5 14-year-old boys as they embark on their yearly summer scout adventure on Falstaff Island, an uninhabited area not far from their home on Prince Edward Island. Their excursion is cut short when a bone-thin, obviously diseased man who tries to eat everything in sight lands on the island. Scoutmaster Tim does his best to help the man, but he is soon overtaken and the boys face a nightmare that worms its way into the group and destroys what they thought they knew about themselves.

This book is gory. It is disgusting. It is a vivid walking nightmare that is best read out in the open air, surrounded by other people. Nick Cutter has proven himself to be one of the most visual authors in the horror genre, and never is that more evident than in The Troop. He uses the remote setting and the fear of foreign beings inside your body with an insatiable appetite to create a suffocating sense of paranoia and claustrophobia. You are trapped on this small island with these boys as they fight the disease that brought the skeletal man to their shores, and you must find the survivor inside of you to make it off.

Perfect For: A long hike and camp in the wilderness. Read it by the light of your Coleman lantern. Don’t worry about the noises you hear in the darkness, they only approach when they’re hungry…

  2. The Cabin at the End of the World by Paul Tremblay

    I didn’t think that a book would ever crawl inside my bones quite like Tremblay’s A Head Full of Ghosts did. I was wrong. His new novel, The Cabin at the End of the World is his most tense, terrifying book to date, which is saying a lot.

Seven-year-old Wen and her dads are vacationing at their cabin deep in the forests of New Hampshire when she is approached by a giant stranger. He seems pretty weird, and he tells her that her dads are not going to want to let him in the house, but that they have to. Then three more just like him show up. Wen runs into the cabin and her parents barricade the door. The strangers approach, and they knock. They are disciples of a god that visits them in visions, and Wen and her parents are the only people capable of ending the coming apocalypse.

This is much more than a home-invasion story. It’s s tale of survival, sacrifice, apocalypse and doom that has you guessing until the very last chapter. Not only is the fate of this loving family at risk, but the future of the entire human race may just rest on their shoulders. (Side note: The Cabin at the End of the World is the first horror novel that I have read that has a queer family at its center. I know there must be others, but this is a first for me. Well done, Paul Tremblay.)

Perfect For: Staying at that creepy lodge you booked online. You and your family should be just fine! Maybe just don’t answer the door when you hear a knock, ok?

  3. Providence by Caroline Kepne

    You may know the name Caroline Kepnes from her amazing novel You, which has been turned into a series for Lifetime that will air this fall. Her depiction of narcissist/psycopath Joe Goldberg was refreshing, funny, dark, and utterly terrifying. Providence, her third novel, follows a different path than her earlier works, but it is just as gripping and horrifying.

One morning, middle-schooler Jon Bronson is abducted from his small New Hampshire town (what is the deal with New Hampshire, you guys? I mean, is it really that spooky?). He awakens at his home four years later with no memory of his kidnapping or his captivity. Beside him is a copy of H.P. Lovecraft’s The Dunwich Horror and a letter from his abductor that tells him that he is fine, but he has an un-specified special ability. The joy that his best friend Chloe feels after his return is smashed to pieces once they find out that his “special ability” begins to threaten the lives of those he loves.

Kepnes is one of the finest authors in the world and she is a master at creating pace and tension. All three of her novels force your eyes across the page like they are tied to the front of a freight train. Providence is an exploration of not only what makes us human, but what keeps us that way.

Perfect For: Sitting on the back porch with a sweet tea and plenty of sunshine. Be sure to pack sunscreen for the rays and extra Kleenex for the nosebleeds that will splatter the page.

  4. Some Will Not Sleep by Adam Nevill

    A bestial face appears at windows in the night. In the big white house on the hill, angels are said to appear. A forgotten tenant in an isolated building becomes addicted to milk. A strange goddess is worshipped by a home-invading disciple. The least remembered gods still haunt the oldest forests. Cannibalism occurs in high society at the end of the world. The sainted undead follow their prophet to the Great Dead Sea. A confused and vengeful presence occupies the home of a first-time buyer . . .

If you have read any of my articles, then you know how much I love Adam Nevill and his terrifying tales. I was able to interview him last year (check it out HERE), and that piece remains the highlight of my journalistic career. Most of you may know him as the author of The Ritual and Last Days, but I fell like his work that is most like a “Great Summer Read” is his collection of short stories, Some Will Not Sleep.

While the book itself has some girth, it is conveniently sectioned into several perfectly crafted short tales of the horrifying and disturbing. These stories, according to Nevill on his website, were written and published between 1995 and 2011, and they reflect fears that are often the author’s own. About the title of the book, I can’t explain it better than the Master himself:

Some within it do not sleep, some who read it may not sleep, and he who wrote it often doesn’t sleep.

Perfect For: Reading in the car on the way to your destination. That way, the nightmares hopefully won’t be able to find you as you travel down the road.

  5. Rabbit in Red: The Complete Series by Joe Chianakas

    (Disclaimer: Joe is a local author that I have had the pleasure of working with in the past through my job. The inclusion of his series was neither asked for nor was it paid for… Joe… come on, man. GIVE ME SOME MONEY, BRO!)

Have you ever wondered what it would be like if Willy Wonka’s chocolate factory was designed, created and run by Rob Zombie? Well, wonder no more! This series of books (the first of which was selected to be included in a 2016 Horror Block and sent out to tens-of-thousands of subscribers), compiled together in one volume, follows a group of teens as they spend their summer vacation competing for an internship under the reclusive owner of a horror film company.

They compete in VR challenges that mirror some of the most iconic scenes in horror film history and intense trivia that will leave even the most knowledgable horror hounds scratching their heads. This series of books is a quick read that will keep you up at night as the kids win their internships and enter the dark web of their beneficiary. It is a love letter to the horror genre and, as it did with me, it will make you fall in love with the genre all over again.

Perfect For: Handing out to your teenage niece or nephew when they visit for the week. They have annoyed you enough with the youth-words that they use, so it will feel really good to keep them up at night.

  6. Meg: A Novel of Deep Terror by Steve Alten

    You didn’t think I would put out a list like this and not include a shark book? You know nothing about me! Instead of going with the classic Jaws by Peter Benchley (which, to be honest, I really do not care for), I decided to opt for the book that started the series that the next great shark movie, The Meg, is based on.

Jonas Taylor is a deep sea diver working with the United States Navy. He spots a Megalodon while on a top-secret mission in the Mariana Trench. No body believes him, of course, because the Megalodon is supposed to have been extinct for millions of years. To prove them wrong, Jonas becomes a paleontologist (as one does) and attempts to find the beast again. His wish is granted when he returns to the Trench, only this time, one of the beasts follows him back up to the surface.

Chaos ensues. People are gobbled up like Tic Tacs and there’s only one man in the world that can stop it. JASON MOTHERF**KING STATH… oh, sorry… JONAS TAYLOR!

It’s ridiculous in all the right ways. It is a 50’s monster movie come to life with thrills, chills, blood and awesome one-liners.

Perfect For: Enjoying the bay while laying on one of those giant inflatable pool floats that look like a swan. You know the ones! Take a deep breath, relax, and hope that there’s nothing watching you from beneath the waves.

  7. Malevolents: ‘Click Click’ by Thom Burgess and Joe Becci

    I must say that I am a novice in the realm of horror comics. I know that there are a lot of them out there, but I’ve just never gotten into that style of horror literature. I can gladly say that Malevolents: ‘Click Click’ has opened my eyes to a whole new world of terror.

This incredible comic book from award winning writer Thom Burgess follows four school friends who dare one another to spend the night in one of Britain’s most haunted houses. They bring along with them an Ouija Board (what could go wrong), and tell each other the story of the ghost that lives in the walls and wants to take your tongue from your mouth.

I include it in this list because it is short (only 32 pages or so), it’s horrifying, and it transports you to a different place and time. If you’re stuck at home due to work or insufficient funds, Malevolents will take you on a trip that you will never forget.

Perfect For: Reading by flashlight after a summer storm has knocked out your power. If you don’t look at the shadows crawling out of the walls, they won’t come after you… I promise. ‘Click’

So, there you have it! Whether you’re out and about this summer or hanging out in the house like me, here are 7 horror reads that will chill your bones and keep you cool as the temperature rises. Do yourself a favor and pick these titles up today! While you’re at it, join our Facebook group, Horror Fiends of Nightmare on Film Street, and let us know what you think.

  The post 7 Horror Reads to Chill Your Soul This Summer appeared first on Nightmare on Film Street - Horror Movie Podcast, News and Reviews.

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7 Travel Books Worth Reading Right Now (and How to Get a Cheap Kindle)

I’ve been picking up a lot of random books in bookstores lately. This can often be hit or miss. I can’t count the times I’ve picked up books only to go “Well, that was terrible.” However, this current stretch has produced some wonderful books and, since it’s been a while since I’ve done a best-books round-up, I think it’s time again! I spend a lot of time on buses, trains, and planes and use that time to devour books so, without further ado, here are seven books worth your time:

1. All Over the Place, by Geraldine DeRuiter Geraldine, aka The Everywhereist, is a hilarious writer (and friend). This book chronicles her travels, anxieties, and relationship with her husband Rand (who is as cool as the book makes him out to be). It really is all over the place – but in a good way. Though I found the book to be less about travel and more about her relationship, it more than lived up to all my expectations. I’m a huge fan of Geraldine’s writing, wit, snark, and humor and this book delivered all of that. I mean who else can make a poop story so damn funny? If you love her blog, you’ll love this book. (And if you don’t know about her blog, well, read that too.) This book was wonderful and devoured it in a couple of sittings.

2. The Worrier’s Guide to the End of the World, by Torre DeRoche I loved Torre’s first book, Love with a Chance of Drowning, about her cross-Pacific adventure with her then-boyfriend. I had the pleasure of getting an advance copy of her second book (and I loved it so much I even wrote a blurb for it!) Whereas the last book was an adventure into the world, this book is an adventure into the self. After meeting the lovely Masha at an event in NYC, Torre meets up with Masha in Europe, where they decide to walk the Via Francigena trail in Italy and then follow Gandhi’s walking route in India. Along the way, Torre encounters snakes, shamans, rude travelers, friendly strangers, and a universe seemingly trying to point her in the right direction. This book is just as fabulously well written and engaging as her first. I grew to love it more with every page — and I can’t recommend it enough.

3. Island of the Lost: Shipwrecked at the Edge of the World, by Joan Druett Auckland Island, located 285 miles south of New Zealand, is a place with year-round freezing rain, wind, and little food (but apparently a lot of seals). Simply put, it’s not a place you want to get shipwrecked on. Yet in 1864, Captain Thomas Musgrave and his crew did just that — and a few months later, on the opposite side of the island, so did the crew of the Scottish ship Invercauld. This well-written account of the how the two crews survived (and didn’t survive) was a wonderful juxtaposition on leadership, camaraderie, and coming together in crisis. It’s not a long book. It took me a few days to read but it was compelling, captivating, and an excellent reminder of the importance of keeping one’s composure in a crisis.

4. Dispatches from Pluto, by Richard Grant As a big fan of the state of Mississippi, I was really keen to read this book. The state is an often-overlooked tourist destination with eccentric but wonderful people; beautiful parks, rivers, and swamps; stunning architecture; and a complex and rich history for history buffs like myself. In this book, English writer Richard Grant and his girlfriend move to rural Pluto, Mississippi, to live a better life, escape the big city, lower their cost of living, and try something new. They learn to hunt, garden, fend off wild animals, handle snakes, and befriend interesting characters along the way. Grant dives into the contradictions of this state — from race relations and class to education, food, family, and everything in between. This book was incredible, nails Mississippi, and is a must, must, must read.

5. The Palace of the Snow Queen: Winter Travels in Lapland, by Barbara Sjoholm Barbara Sjoholm set off one winter to explore this arctic region — then spent two more coming back and learning about it more. In the process, she unearths the region’s rich history and dives into the tension between tourism, mining, and land use. Her book dives deep into the Samis, local indigenous population and their struggle to maintain their culture in the modern era. As a lover of all things Scandinavian, it was really nice to read about an area and people of the region not often given the attention they deserve. As much as I thought I knew about this region, reading this book taught me a lot – and showed me how much I still had to learn. Well written and insightful, you should definitely pick up this book.

6. The Not-Quite States of America, by Doug Mack The United States of America is more than just 50 states. There’s also the non-states of American Samoa, Guam, the Northern Mariana Islands, Puerto Rico, and the US Virgin Islands. In this funny, detailed, fact-rich book, Doug Mack explores these territories largely forgotten by the rest of the country, which play a more important role in our country than we realize. I had the pleasure of listening to Doug talk about his book in NYC, and he’s a wealth of knowledge — just like his book! This one of those travel books that expands your mind about the place you don’t really know. In many ways it reminded me of The Geography of Bliss in its approach. If you liked that book, you’ll like this book too!

7. The Caliph’s House: A Year in Casablanca, by Tahir Shah Inspired by the Moroccan vacations of his childhood, Shah decides to buy a house in Casablanca. He moves his family from England in hopes of breaking out from the monotony of life in London as well as exposing his children to a more carefree childhood. I randomly picked this up in a bookstore and couldn’t put it down. Shah is an engrossing writer and I was glued to every word. While dealing with corruption, the local bureaucracy, thieves, gangsters, jinns causing havoc, and the hassle that seems to come with even the most simple interactions, Shah weaves a story that is simply one of the best I’ve read all year. It’s beautifully written and endlessly enthralling. You must go buy this book!

Finally, in partnership with Amazon, I have some Amazon Kindle discounts to give away. I don’t carry a Kindle (I’m old-school and like paper), but since the Kindle is a traveler’s friend, I think this is a good deal with sharing! If you’re looking to get a Kindle, you can save $20 off one of the bundles below with the code KINDLETRAVEL. The offer is good until 9/17/17.

Kindle Essential Bundle

Paperwhite Essential Bundle

Paperwhite Travel Bundle

That’s all for today! Happy reading!

And if you have suggestions, leave them in the comments, as I’m always looking to add books to my Amazon queue that I binge-buy on weekends!

The post 7 Travel Books Worth Reading Right Now (and How to Get a Cheap Kindle) appeared first on Nomadic Matt's Travel Site.

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[touristguidebuzz]

7 Travel Books Worth Reading Right Now (and How to Get a Cheap Kindle)

I’ve been picking up a lot of random books in bookstores lately. This can often be hit or miss. I can’t count the times I’ve picked up books only to go “Well, that was terrible.” However, this current stretch has produced some wonderful books and, since it’s been a while since I’ve done a best-books round-up, I think it’s time again! I spend a lot of time on buses, trains, and planes and use that time to devour books so, without further ado, here are seven books worth your time:

1. All Over the Place, by Geraldine DeRuiter Geraldine, aka The Everywhereist, is a hilarious writer (and friend). This book chronicles her travels, anxieties, and relationship with her husband Rand (who is as cool as the book makes him out to be). It really is all over the place – but in a good way. Though I found the book to be less about travel and more about her relationship, it more than lived up to all my expectations. I’m a huge fan of Geraldine’s writing, wit, snark, and humor and this book delivered all of that. I mean who else can make a poop story so damn funny? If you love her blog, you’ll love this book. (And if you don’t know about her blog, well, read that too.) This book was wonderful and devoured it in a couple of sittings.

2. The Worrier’s Guide to the End of the World, by Torre DeRoche I loved Torre’s first book, Love with a Chance of Drowning, about her cross-Pacific adventure with her then-boyfriend. I had the pleasure of getting an advance copy of her second book (and I loved it so much I even wrote a blurb for it!) Whereas the last book was an adventure into the world, this book is an adventure into the self. After meeting the lovely Masha at an event in NYC, Torre meets up with Masha in Europe, where they decide to walk the Via Francigena trail in Italy and then follow Gandhi’s walking route in India. Along the way, Torre encounters snakes, shamans, rude travelers, friendly strangers, and a universe seemingly trying to point her in the right direction. This book is just as fabulously well written and engaging as her first. I grew to love it more with every page — and I can’t recommend it enough.

3. Island of the Lost: Shipwrecked at the Edge of the World, by Joan Druett Auckland Island, located 285 miles south of New Zealand, is a place with year-round freezing rain, wind, and little food (but apparently a lot of seals). Simply put, it’s not a place you want to get shipwrecked on. Yet in 1864, Captain Thomas Musgrave and his crew did just that — and a few months later, on the opposite side of the island, so did the crew of the Scottish ship Invercauld. This well-written account of the how the two crews survived (and didn’t survive) was a wonderful juxtaposition on leadership, camaraderie, and coming together in crisis. It’s not a long book. It took me a few days to read but it was compelling, captivating, and an excellent reminder of the importance of keeping one’s composure in a crisis.

4. Dispatches from Pluto, by Richard Grant As a big fan of the state of Mississippi, I was really keen to read this book. The state is an often-overlooked tourist destination with eccentric but wonderful people; beautiful parks, rivers, and swamps; stunning architecture; and a complex and rich history for history buffs like myself. In this book, English writer Richard Grant and his girlfriend move to rural Pluto, Mississippi, to live a better life, escape the big city, lower their cost of living, and try something new. They learn to hunt, garden, fend off wild animals, handle snakes, and befriend interesting characters along the way. Grant dives into the contradictions of this state — from race relations and class to education, food, family, and everything in between. This book was incredible, nails Mississippi, and is a must, must, must read.

5. The Palace of the Snow Queen: Winter Travels in Lapland, by Barbara Sjoholm Barbara Sjoholm set off one winter to explore this arctic region — then spent two more coming back and learning about it more. In the process, she unearths the region’s rich history and dives into the tension between tourism, mining, and land use. Her book dives deep into the Samis, local indigenous population and their struggle to maintain their culture in the modern era. As a lover of all things Scandinavian, it was really nice to read about an area and people of the region not often given the attention they deserve. As much as I thought I knew about this region, reading this book taught me a lot – and showed me how much I still had to learn. Well written and insightful, you should definitely pick up this book.

6. The Not-Quite States of America, by Doug Mack The United States of America is more than just 50 states. There’s also the non-states of American Samoa, Guam, the Northern Mariana Islands, Puerto Rico, and the US Virgin Islands. In this funny, detailed, fact-rich book, Doug Mack explores these territories largely forgotten by the rest of the country, which play a more important role in our country than we realize. I had the pleasure of listening to Doug talk about his book in NYC, and he’s a wealth of knowledge — just like his book! This one of those travel books that expands your mind about the place you don’t really know. In many ways it reminded me of The Geography of Bliss in its approach. If you liked that book, you’ll like this book too!

7. The Caliph’s House: A Year in Casablanca, by Tahir Shah Inspired by the Moroccan vacations of his childhood, Shah decides to buy a house in Casablanca. He moves his family from England in hopes of breaking out from the monotony of life in London as well as exposing his children to a more carefree childhood. I randomly picked this up in a bookstore and couldn’t put it down. Shah is an engrossing writer and I was glued to every word. While dealing with corruption, the local bureaucracy, thieves, gangsters, jinns causing havoc, and the hassle that seems to come with even the most simple interactions, Shah weaves a story that is simply one of the best I’ve read all year. It’s beautifully written and endlessly enthralling. You must go buy this book!

Finally, in partnership with Amazon, I have some Amazon Kindle discounts to give away. I don’t carry a Kindle (I’m old-school and like paper), but since the Kindle is a traveler’s friend, I think this is a good deal with sharing! If you’re looking to get a Kindle, you can save $20 off one of the bundles below with the code KINDLETRAVEL. The offer is good until 9/17/17.

Kindle Essential Bundle

Paperwhite Essential Bundle

Paperwhite Travel Bundle

That’s all for today! Happy reading!

And if you have suggestions, leave them in the comments, as I’m always looking to add books to my Amazon queue that I binge-buy on weekends!

The post 7 Travel Books Worth Reading Right Now (and How to Get a Cheap Kindle) appeared first on Nomadic Matt's Travel Site.

[tamboradventure]

7 Travel Books Worth Reading Right Now (and How to Get a Cheap Kindle)

I’ve been picking up a lot of random books in bookstores lately. This can often be hit or miss. I can’t count the times I’ve picked up books only to go “Well, that was terrible.” However, this current stretch has produced some wonderful books and, since it’s been a while since I’ve done a best-books round-up, I think it’s time again! I spend a lot of time on buses, trains, and planes and use that time to devour books so, without further ado, here are seven books worth your time:

1. All Over the Place, by Geraldine DeRuiter Geraldine, aka The Everywhereist, is a hilarious writer (and friend). This book chronicles her travels, anxieties, and relationship with her husband Rand (who is as cool as the book makes him out to be). It really is all over the place – but in a good way. Though I found the book to be less about travel and more about her relationship, it more than lived up to all my expectations. I’m a huge fan of Geraldine’s writing, wit, snark, and humor and this book delivered all of that. I mean who else can make a poop story so damn funny? If you love her blog, you’ll love this book. (And if you don’t know about her blog, well, read that too.) This book was wonderful and devoured it in a couple of sittings.

2. The Worrier’s Guide to the End of the World, by Torre DeRoche I loved Torre’s first book, Love with a Chance of Drowning, about her cross-Pacific adventure with her then-boyfriend. I had the pleasure of getting an advance copy of her second book (and I loved it so much I even wrote a blurb for it!) Whereas the last book was an adventure into the world, this book is an adventure into the self. After meeting the lovely Masha at an event in NYC, Torre meets up with Masha in Europe, where they decide to walk the Via Francigena trail in Italy and then follow Gandhi’s walking route in India. Along the way, Torre encounters snakes, shamans, rude travelers, friendly strangers, and a universe seemingly trying to point her in the right direction. This book is just as fabulously well written and engaging as her first. I grew to love it more with every page — and I can’t recommend it enough.

3. Island of the Lost: Shipwrecked at the Edge of the World, by Joan Druett Auckland Island, located 285 miles south of New Zealand, is a place with year-round freezing rain, wind, and little food (bit apparently a lot of seals). Simply put, it’s not a place you want to get shipwrecked on. Yet in 1864, Captain Thomas Musgrave and his crew did just that — and a few months later, on the opposite side of the island, so did the crew of the Scottish ship Invercauld. This well-written account of the how the two crews survived (and didn’t survive) was a wonderful juxtaposition on leadership, camaraderie, and coming together in crisis. It’s not a long book. It took me a few days to read but it was compelling, captivating, and an excellent reminder of the importance of keeping one’s composure in a crisis.

4. Dispatches from Pluto, by Richard Grant As a big fan of the state of Mississippi, I was really keen to read this book. The state is an often-overlooked tourist destination with eccentric but wonderful people; beautiful parks, rivers, and swamps; stunning architecture; and a complex and rich history for history buffs like myself. In this book, English writer Richard Grant and his girlfriend move to rural Pluto, Mississippi, to live a better life, escape the big city, lower their cost of living, and try something new. They learn to hunt, garden, fend off wild animals, handle snakes, and befriend interesting characters along the way. Grant dives into the contradictions of this state — from race relations and class to education, food, family, and everything in between. This book was incredible, nails Mississippi, and is a must, must, must read.

5. The Palace of the Snow Queen: Winter Travels in Lapland, by Barbara Sjoholm Barbara Sjoholm set off one winter to explore this arctic region — then spent two more coming back and learning about it more. In the process, she unearths the region’s rich history and dives into the tension between tourism, mining, and land use. Her book dives deep into the Samis, local indigenous population and their struggle to maintain their culture in the modern era. As a lover of all things Scandinavian, it was really nice to read about an area and people of the region not often given the attention they deserve. As much as I thought I knew about this region, reading this book taught me a lot – and showed me how much I still had to learn. Well written and insightful, you should definitely pick up this book.

6. The Not-Quite States of America, by Doug Mack The United States of America is more than just 50 states. There’s also the non-states of American Samoa, Guam, the Northern Mariana Islands, Puerto Rico, and the US Virgin Islands. In this funny, detailed, fact-rich book, Doug Mack explores these territories largely forgotten by the rest of the country, which play a more important role in our country than we realize. I had the pleasure of listening to Doug talk about his book in NYC, and he’s a wealth of knowledge — just like his book! This one of those travel books that expands your mind about the place you don’t really know. In many ways it reminded me of The Geography of Bliss in its approach. If you liked that book, you’ll like this book too!

7. The Caliph’s House: A Year in Casablanca, by Tahir Shah Inspired by the Moroccan vacations of his childhood, Shah decides to buy a house in Casablanca. He moves his family from England in hopes of breaking out from the monotony of life in London as well as exposing his children to a more carefree childhood. I randomly picked this up in a bookstore and couldn’t put it down. Shah is an engrossing writer and I was glued to every word. While dealing with corruption, the local bureaucracy, thieves, gangsters, jinns causing havoc, and the hassle that seems to come with even the most simple interactions, Shah weaves a story that is simply one of the best I’ve read all year. It’s beautifully written and endlessly enthralling. You must go buy this book!

Finally, in partnership with Amazon, I have some Amazon Kindle discounts to give away. I don’t carry a Kindle (I’m old-school and like paper), but since the Kindle is a traveler’s friend, I think this is a good deal with sharing! If you’re looking to get a Kindle, you can save $20 off one of the bundles below with the code KINDLETRAVEL. The offer is good until 9/17/17.

Kindle Essential Bundle

Paperwhite Essential Bundle

Paperwhite Travel Bundle

That’s all for today! Happy reading!

And if you have suggestions, leave them in the comments, as I’m always looking to add books to my Amazon queue that I binge-buy on weekends!

The post 7 Travel Books Worth Reading Right Now (and How to Get a Cheap Kindle) appeared first on Nomadic Matt's Travel Site.

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[theladyjstyle]

I’ve been picking up a lot of random books in bookstores lately. This can often be hit or miss. I can’t count the times I’ve picked up books only to go “Well, that was terrible.” However, this current stretch has produced some wonderful books and, since it’s been a while since I’ve done a best-books round-up, I think it’s time again! I spend a lot of time on buses, trains, and planes and use that time to devour books so, without further ado, here are seven books worth your time:

1. All Over the Place, by Geraldine DeRuiter Geraldine, aka The Everywhereist, is a hilarious writer (and friend). This book chronicles her travels, anxieties, and relationship with her husband Rand (who is as cool as the book makes him out to be). It really is all over the place – but in a good way. Though I found the book to be less about travel and more about her relationship, it more than lived up to all my expectations. I’m a huge fan of Geraldine’s writing, wit, snark, and humor and this book delivered all of that. I mean who else can make a poop story so damn funny? If you love her blog, you’ll love this book. (And if you don’t know about her blog, well, read that too.) This book was wonderful and devoured it in a couple of sittings.

2. The Worrier’s Guide to the End of the World, by Torre DeRoche I loved Torre’s first book, Love with a Chance of Drowning, about her cross-Pacific adventure with her then-boyfriend. I had the pleasure of getting an advance copy of her second book (and I loved it so much I even wrote a blurb for it!) Whereas the last book was an adventure into the world, this book is an adventure into the self. After meeting the lovely Masha at an event in NYC, Torre meets up with Masha in Europe, where they decide to walk the Via Francigena trail in Italy and then follow Gandhi’s walking route in India. Along the way, Torre encounters snakes, shamans, rude travelers, friendly strangers, and a universe seemingly trying to point her in the right direction. This book is just as fabulously well written and engaging as her first. I grew to love it more with every page — and I can’t recommend it enough.

3. Island of the Lost: Shipwrecked at the Edge of the World, by Joan Druett Auckland Island, located 285 miles south of New Zealand, is a place with year-round freezing rain, wind, and little food (bit apparently a lot of seals). Simply put, it’s not a place you want to get shipwrecked on. Yet in 1864, Captain Thomas Musgrave and his crew did just that — and a few months later, on the opposite side of the island, so did the crew of the Scottish ship Invercauld. This well-written account of the how the two crews survived (and didn’t survive) was a wonderful juxtaposition on leadership, camaraderie, and coming together in crisis. It’s not a long book. It took me a few days to read but it was compelling, captivating, and an excellent reminder of the importance of keeping one’s composure in a crisis.

4. Dispatches from Pluto, by Richard Grant As a big fan of the state of Mississippi, I was really keen to read this book. The state is an often-overlooked tourist destination with eccentric but wonderful people; beautiful parks, rivers, and swamps; stunning architecture; and a complex and rich history for history buffs like myself. In this book, English writer Richard Grant and his girlfriend move to rural Pluto, Mississippi, to live a better life, escape the big city, lower their cost of living, and try something new. They learn to hunt, garden, fend off wild animals, handle snakes, and befriend interesting characters along the way. Grant dives into the contradictions of this state — from race relations and class to education, food, family, and everything in between. This book was incredible, nails Mississippi, and is a must, must, must read.

5. The Palace of the Snow Queen: Winter Travels in Lapland, by Barbara Sjoholm Barbara Sjoholm set off one winter to explore this arctic region — then spent two more coming back and learning about it more. In the process, she unearths the region’s rich history and dives into the tension between tourism, mining, and land use. Her book dives deep into the Samis, local indigenous population and their struggle to maintain their culture in the modern era. As a lover of all things Scandinavian, it was really nice to read about an area and people of the region not often given the attention they deserve. As much as I thought I knew about this region, reading this book taught me a lot – and showed me how much I still had to learn. Well written and insightful, you should definitely pick up this book.

6. The Not-Quite States of America, by Doug Mack The United States of America is more than just 50 states. There’s also the non-states of American Samoa, Guam, the Northern Mariana Islands, Puerto Rico, and the US Virgin Islands. In this funny, detailed, fact-rich book, Doug Mack explores these territories largely forgotten by the rest of the country, which play a more important role in our country than we realize. I had the pleasure of listening to Doug talk about his book in NYC, and he’s a wealth of knowledge — just like his book! This one of those travel books that expands your mind about the place you don’t really know. In many ways it reminded me of The Geography of Bliss in its approach. If you liked that book, you’ll like this book too!

7. The Caliph’s House: A Year in Casablanca, by Tahir Shah Inspired by the Moroccan vacations of his childhood, Shah decides to buy a house in Casablanca. He moves his family from England in hopes of breaking out from the monotony of life in London as well as exposing his children to a more carefree childhood. I randomly picked this up in a bookstore and couldn’t put it down. Shah is an engrossing writer and I was glued to every word. While dealing with corruption, the local bureaucracy, thieves, gangsters, jinns causing havoc, and the hassle that seems to come with even the most simple interactions, Shah weaves a story that is simply one of the best I’ve read all year. It’s beautifully written and endlessly enthralling. You must go buy this book!

Finally, in partnership with Amazon, I have some Amazon Kindle discounts to give away. I don’t carry a Kindle (I’m old-school and like paper), but since the Kindle is a traveler’s friend, I think this is a good deal with sharing! If you’re looking to get a Kindle, you can save $20 off one of the bundles below with the code KINDLETRAVEL. The offer is good until 9/17/17.

Kindle Essential Bundle

Paperwhite Essential Bundle

Paperwhite Travel Bundle

That’s all for today! Happy reading!

And if you have suggestions, leave them in the comments, as I’m always looking to add books to my Amazon queue that I binge-buy on weekends!

The post 7 Travel Books Worth Reading Right Now (and How to Get a Cheap Kindle) appeared first on Nomadic Matt's Travel Site.

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The Fosters: Our Thoughts on Episode 5x02 “Exterminate Her”

We’re back for more of our thoughts on this week’s Fosters.  As usual, check out @tarajean621‘s thoughts on Jesus and brain injury representation in italics below:

You Know What Could Have Happened, Callie?/Honey, She Was Terrified:  I can totally understand Callie wanting to focus on the good side of things.  I’m sure she is keenly aware of just how badly things could have gone.  And Stef being short with her and Lena taking the time to explain how scared Stef was rings so true to Real Stuff Parents Do.

This Is Nothing to Celebrate!/Surprise!  And, naturally, all the charges are dropped.  But how awkward is this surprise party led by Robert?  Especially Mariana leading her brothers in a rousing chant of “hip hip hooray” because “our sister’s a hero!”  So cute, though.

How Long Are You Gonna Stop Speaking to Your Brother?/How Long Are You Gonna Stop Speaking to Mariana?  I missed this part somehow when it first aired.  

How’s The Treehouse Going?  Has She Taken Over Yet?/No, She Just Found Us a Tree:  Wow, everyone’s crabby today, aren’t they?  Settle down, Emma.  Only a few more days and you can be really far away from Mariana.  (And Jesus.  I wonder how that will go?)

Hey, Can I Talk to You for a Second?/Uh, Yeah, Sure:  I hate that everyone is now actively fearing Jesus.  It’s especially disheartening seeing Mariana react out of fear here.  And the camera stays with Brandon as he jumps and then leaves the table. I’d love for the assumption that Jesus now resides at Intimidation Station to not be a thing.

I have been looking for statistics on how likely it is that people with TBIs assault their caregivers, since this seems to be the slant the writers are taking with 5A.  I could not come up with one link.  

I did, however, find pages of links (over 3 million results) about disabled abuse and victimization.  

One source says that disabled people are 4-10 times more likely to be victims of violence, abuse or neglect than nondisabled people.  It goes on to share why people living with TBIs are likely to encounter victimization - the list includes the use of undue force (which I covered last week when Gabe restrained Jesus), caregivers misperceptions about TBI leading to abuse or not believing us when we report abuse, or having to endure abuse “in return for” help with tasks of daily living.

Definitely.  In just existing as a disabled person and talking to others who are, I can say that everybody I know who is disabled, has, at some point, been abused.  (Usually, this is by a caregiver.)  Another source I found on the maltreatment of children with disabilities states that:

“Children with disabilities may have increased vulnerability to abuse because...[they] may be perceived as less valuable than other children. Their reports may not be considered trustworthy. Discipline may be more punitive and accompanied by a lack of respect.”

So, I’ve Been Thinking and I Wanna Do My Senior Project By Myself/Well, You Can’t:  Um.  Wow, Mariana.  Maybe you should have been honest with Jesus from the start about this.

Yes, this might have been a more timely conversation weeks ago.  Although, it was really up to Moms and Drew to deliver this news to Jesus, so Mariana is not the only one to blame here.

I’m Gonna Talk to Drew Myself and See What He Says:  You pretty much have to, Jesus.  It’s the only way you’re guaranteed the truth.  

But wait, if Jesus speaks to Drew all on his own, who will Drew look to if there is not a suitable nondisabled person present? <-- Sarcasm

Was This Emma’s Idea?/No.  I Just Need to Prove That I Can Do Something on My Own:  Of course, Jesus would feel strongly about this.  His family doesn’t respect him as he is.  It makes sense for him to feel like he has to prove his capability to get them to take him seriously.  Nothing else is working.

Our society views productivity as the be-all and end-all.  You go to school to produce meaningful work so that you can graduate and get a job, thus becoming a contributing member of society.  You are useful and worthy then.  Jesus feels like he needs to produce a meaningful senior project without help to be seen as useful and worthy again.  And it doesn’t hurt that it might earn him points with Emma to distance himself from Mariana.

I Just Wanna Help/I Don’t Need Your Help/Well, We Do/So You Want Me To Go Live with Robert?  Honestly, though, what else is Callie supposed to think?  Moms are pretty much saying she is too much for them and they need backup to handle her.  

Callie, We Love You But There is Only So Much That We Can Do For You:   I guarantee you the only part of Lena’s sentence that Callie heard was “We love you, but...” which feels exactly like, “We don’t love you,” or “We used to love you, but don’t anymore.”  (Please think about what you’re saying Moms, these words will stick.)  

You Need to Decide Who You Want to Be Going Forward, Because This Girl is Not Acceptable:  OMG talk about a back-to-back gut-punch!  Jeez...  What is Callie supposed to do with a statement like this?  She is who she is.  She can’t change who she is.  She has had a ton of stuff happen to her before she ever came to Stef and Lena.  That all impacts who she is and her decision making process.   

This morning I read an article called 3 Reasons Traditional Parenting Doesn’t Work With Kids From Trauma.  Callie has lived months as an adopted child, as opposed to 7 years in foster care.  She is in survival mode all the time, and completely shut down during Moms’ and Robert’s lecture.

I’ve heard similar remarks as an adoptee myself and that is exactly how they resonate.  Moms’ words must feel like such a rejection.

After This Last Thing With Callie, I Just Don’t Know What To Do/I Know That Was So Awful For You.  I’m So Sorry.  How Can I Help?  What Can I Do?  This is probably a bit of a raw wound for me personally, because Stef absolutely needs and deserves comfort.  But it feels so jarring to see this scene after the previous two with Moms and Callie.

Lena excused Stef’s anger at Callie in the car when Stef talked about how Callie could have been beaten or raped (she has experienced both in foster care, Stef.)  Then the lecture.  But we just don’t see that level of love and support for Callie herself.  Nobody is asking Callie “How can I help?”  or “What can I do?”

I Need You to Say You Can’t Help Unless It’s Both Our Projects, Because You Can’t Choose Sides: Mariana, I get that you are always at least 25 billion steps ahead, seeing every possible bad eventuality but you need to try to reign in this impulse to manipulate the adults in your world.  Maybe talk about that in therapy?  (But speaking of Kids Who Came From Trauma...pretty textbook behavior.)

(On the positive side, give Brandon Quinn all the points for the physical comedy of trying to put those jeans on!  So funny!)

He’s Lucky I Didn’t Suspend Him/And You’re Lucky I Don’t Sue You.  And The School:  Yes, Lena!  (Also how gross is that pro-privatization piece in the ABCC school paper?)

Portfolio?/Your Body of Work:  I find it hard to believe that Callie would have zero idea of what a portfolio is, but maybe she doesn’t hang around a lot of art students?

Mariana Just Told Me That This Treehouse Project is Approved for Her and Not Jesus Because He Might Not Be a Senior Next Year?  It was news to me, too, Gabe!  I’ve literally been thinking (for months) that Mariana went in to support Jesus for his senior project.  That it was his meeting.  And that when it was not approved for him that was the end of it, but Mariana couldn’t let it go, so she lied and said it had to be both of their projects.

But Jesus Has No Idea, Right?/We Don’t Want to Frighten Him with All the What-Ifs/Keeping Things From Him Blew Up in a Pretty Big Way:  I mean, Gabe’s not wrong...

Dean Bayfield:  Well, hello, new neighbor.  Looks like Stef’s a little tongue-tied around you...

When Do They Send the Paper to the Printer?/They Already Did/What If It Caught an Error and Sent a New File?  Mariana Adams Foster...put that big, beautiful brain of yours to good use and be careful.  (I’m so proud!  But I’m so conflicted about being proud!)

Pick Up Your Senior Project/Toss It:  This Girl Is Not Acceptable.

The Art Professor...is Gonna Let Me Audit Her Class and Help Me Put Together My Portfolio/That’s Amazing:  This Mama Sandwich for Callie is so bittersweet because she looks so relieved that they still love her.  

Do Think I’d Be Better at Scooping Ice Cream or Flipping Burgers?/That Depends.  You’d Be So Bad at Both:  OMG Callie!  Hahahaha!

Maybe This Could Be My Still Life.  I’m Salty, Right?  Why would she want to find an object that defines her if the girl she is is not acceptable?  No wonder she is struggling so hard with this.

I Used to Blow Dry My Hair Straight, Too, Mariana.  It’s Called Time-Management:  These are the moments that I love.  Because Mariana’s hair is not a lost issue, and Lena remains supportive about it, giving Mariana advice from her own experience.

We Have 5 Teenagers/Oh God Bless You!  We Just Have the One:  Hahaha!  I love Theresa!

A Good Basic Case With All the Essentials:  Can’t go to art school without supplies!  

The Article Doesn’t Appear to Quote You or Anyone on the Administration.  It’s Just One Kid’s Opinion, Right?  OMG Lena, I love you!  Also, check out the screencap Tara got of the article in the Sea Breeze!  Love that it cites IDEA and points out what this article says, in part, which is “ If the private...school does not accept any federal funding, then the school is not required to provide accommodations” to students with disabilities.

What Did You Bring to Sketch?/I Think I’m Just Gonna Sketch My New Art Set:  Because nothing says Callie like an art set you got 10 minutes ago... :(

Grace!  Are You Okay?  Are You Hurt?  Why Are You Handcuffed to the Bed?!  Brandon, your reaction to Grace here was, hands down, my favorite part of the episode.  You give me hope for humanity in this moment.

Otherwise, Why Would You Be Here?  I also love Ximena!  There is such a shortage of positive female friendships depicted on TV that I would love to see Callie and Ximena develop one.  But it looks like Ximena’s complimentary question to Callie isn’t sitting quite right...

It’s For This Foster Family That Has, Like 12 Kids.  Some of Them Are Special Needs:  First of all, it seems illegal that one family would have 12 foster kids at once?  And secondly?  Pretty much no one in the disability community likes the term ‘special needs.’  

Since I Got This TBI, People Treat Me Like I’M Special Needs:  So revealing there, Jesus.  I always say, the hardest part about being disabled isn’t the disability, it’s the way we’re treated as inferior.  I imagine that dealing with a sudden disability as Jesus is, that feeling is even stronger.  (And I can’t shake the feeling that the ‘people’ Jesus is referring to is his family.  And honestly, nobody should be treated like they’re less when they’re disabled, especially by family.  It’s bad enough to experience it in general society.)

Having a brain injury is not a bad thing, but it does take some adjustment.  The way Jesus says, “People treat me like I am special needs” is revealing, as Tonia pointed out.  People treat him like a pile of unreasonable demands - like a list of symptoms - instead of as a human being who has a brain injury.

Talk to Your Moms/All They Do is Lie to Me and Keep Secrets.  They Aren’t Going to Tell Me.  So, What Is It? I can’t say I wouldn’t be making the same call Gabe ends up making here...and so far, Gabe is one person whose ableism is at a minimum, and Jesus feels that.  He feels respected by Gabe.  His experience with Moms post-TBI has been that they treat him as less now.  They have lied to him and he doesn’t need anymore of that.  He’s out of the woods, healthwise, he doesn’t need to be ‘protected’ in this manner.

No Longer Funding Any Junior Student’s Senior Projects: Of course you aren’t, Drew...

Did You Talk to My Father?  Robert Quinn?  Oh Lordy, this isn’t gonna end well, is it?  How humiliating for Callie.  Like she needs Robert calling in favors for her to get to audit art school class...

I’m Not Gonna Be a Senior Next Year?/We Don’t Know That, Jesus:  Now Jesus knows, and Stef still won’t give him a straight answer?  Really?  At least tell him what you DO know...

Also, inquiring minds would like to know what IS happening with regard to Jesus and school?  Stef and Lena are both back at work and Jesus is home all day, talking to Gabe as he builds the treehouse.  Lena’s an educator.  School is always on this family’s radar.  Even if Jesus isn’t ready for full days, I’d think a teacher coming to the house for a bit wouldn’t be out of the question.  But school hasn’t even been mentioned by Moms except to say that Jesus is missing a lot, and taking Drew of all people as the expert on post-brain-injury reentry to school.

Jesus, I Need You To Calm Down/No, I Am Not Going To Calm Down/Then You Can Go To Your Room Until You Are Willing To Listen To Me. Now:  

In my opinion, Jesus is not out of bounds or out of control here.  He has a right to be upset, but Stef sends him away.  (Instead of sending Gabe and/or Mariana away so she can have a private conversation with Jesus.)  She tells him to leave until he is willing to listen to her - but Stef is in no way willing to be around his feelings in this moment.

Too often, disabled people are expected to “be nice” in the face of ableism.  And let’s be clear, not telling Jesus about what is going on with his schooling is ableism.  Dismissing Jesus’s current upset?  Also ableism.  

If any of the other kids found out Moms withheld information for weeks about them possibly not being promoted a grade, upset would be an expected reaction.  In Jesus’s case, it is not justified in Mom’s eyes.

I’m Not Going Up There With Him!  Did You See What He Did to Brandon’s Room?  What If He Takes a Baseball Bat to My Head?  Kids learn ableism from their parents...and Stef doesn’t refute Mariana here...  So harmful.  (And also - if Mariana isn’t comfortable going upstairs, the least Stef could do is tell her to go to the living room or something.  Anything so she is not right there when Stef tells Gabe that if he can’t respect Stef and Lena’s authority as the twins’ parents, he’ll have to leave.  Awkward.  And not a conversation for one of the kids to overhear.)

Is This a Bad Time?/Jesus is Up in His Room and I’m Sure He Would Love to See You Right About Now:  Um...  If Jesus is supposed to be being punished or taking a break or whatever, why would you send Emma up there?  (But I have a pretty good idea why.  Disability as a Plot Device, anyone?  Because up until now, Emma was the only person who wasn’t fearful of Jesus.  The choice to send her up there just to witness Jesus throwing things is a conscious choice to continue his ostracization and isolation.  To make sure he has no one to turn to or lean on.  

Notice how this “outburst” comes immediately after being dismissed.  

Also, here is another example of how traditional parenting does not work on kids with traumatic backgrounds.  And a Traumatic Brain Injury is yet another trauma for Jesus to juggle, in addition to his unstable infancy and childhood (until age 8).  Sending Jesus to his room just drives home the fact that he, like Callie, is seen as unacceptable now.   

I Wish I Had Somewhere to Unleash My Beast/You Do.  Your Art:  Jesus, do you hear this?  You and Callie could totally channel all your feelings into art.  That’s what it’s there for, and you’re both good at it.  (I’d actually really like to see this!)

How Did Your Job Interview Go?/I Was Late So I Probably Didn’t Make a Great First Impression:  Yeah, like when your girlfriend calls you with fake emergencies when she KNOWS you have a job interview soon...

Pretty Sure She Was Trying to Have Sex With You/Oh, My God:  I loved this!  Rang so true to me that the adopted kid would totally get what Grace was trying to do with Brandon while Brandon remained innocently oblivious...

I Wanna Try to Be a Senior Next Year, Even If That Means I Have to Go to Summer School/Honey, That’s Really Great to Hear, But Your Senior Project Will Have to Wait Until Then:  Okay but Jesus literally did not say anything about his senior project.  He’s talking about his education right now.  Why does no one take him seriously?  (Oh wait, I know...)

“That’s really great to hear.” What does that even mean?  “That’s really great to hear that you still desire and value an education even though you have a brain injury?” 

It sounds as if that was Lena’s way of possibly skirting the education conversation.   

Because I Got Mad?  Are You Punishing Me?  Of course, it feels like a punishment.

Drew’s Not Funding Any Senior Projects by Juniors/You’re Lying:  Moms, remember Stef’s brilliant take on ‘trust has to be earned?’  I feel like it’s time to work on starting to earn Jesus’s.  Because right now, he can’t trust anything you say, and why should he? 

Also, I’m pretty sure Monte said last episode that Drew isn’t the principal because she hasn’t yet resigned.  So...why is the vote invalid but his word about Jesus’s senior project like signed, sealed and notarized by a judge?)

I Could Probably Get Jesus’s Uncle to Donate/Birth Uncle: This is interesting, because we watched this episode with a friend who adopted her daughter.  And she specifically commented on this scene.  Said she never corrects her daughter when she wonders about her birth mother.  And she felt it was out of place for Moms to correct Gabe here.

I Do Wanna Keep My Senior Project/We Took It to the Dumpster Already:  Ouch, Callie :(

I Didn’t Give Her Any Money, I Just Asked Her to Give You a Chance, But Only If She Believes in You, Which, Obviously, She Does/You Don’t:  Bam.  It’s truth time, by Callie.  And that really is what Robert’s actions communicated.  Instead of helping with her or giving her advice on what to do next, he went behind her back and appealed to the teacher’s pity, and that never feels good.

I Know You All Think That I’m Unacceptable/That’s Not What We Meant/It’s What You Said:  Right, Callie?  And no matter how many other times she is affirmed, those words will be inside her, challenging the love she’s shown.  It’s this thing: anger resonates as the “truest” feeling, while love feels forced.  It’s hard to explain...

When You First Met Me You Told Me I Wasn’t Disposable and I’m Really Trying to Believe That:  We keep track of every single word.

We Don’t Want You to Throw Away Your Past, We Just Want You to Stop Repeating It:  But that might not be entirely in Callie’s control.  How often do we rehash or recreate an aspect of our past in an effort to work through it, or because it feels familiar and that feels safe?  Moms want Callie to feel safe, but safe is new.  And it’s going to take some getting used to.  (Also I’m really glad Lena rescued Callie’s senior project from gettting thrown away.)

So, I’m Not Going to See You Before You Go?/I’m Sorry/I Love--:  Emma’s pulling away so hard and fast.  This sucks.

I really hope that this whole Aggression Is A Symptom storyline does not end up Teaching Jesus A Lesson.

Did Mamas Talk to You About The Treehouse?/I’m Gonna Ask Emma to Do It With Me...If That’s Okay:  Ugh, and the twins aren’t getting along still.  And at this point it seems like working with Emma on the treehouse this year or next is gonna be a bust...

Not being able to connect after an injury is a thing, and I appreciate that it is being depicted.  To add to Tonia’s comment about Emma, we don’t know what is going to happen with them.  He is trying to make things work with his girlfriend while putting Mariana in her place.  We will have to see what happens...

I Guess I Shouldn’t Have Read Fifty Shades of Grey:  Oh, Grace, what a terrible book!

I Don’t Know Where The Keys Are.  I Think They’re Over Here/Okay, I’m Coming:  Hahaha!  Don’t play with handcuffs, Brandon and Grace...or Stef will have to come unlock you...and wouldn’t that be embarrassing?

Fearless:  I love Callie showing Ximena her necklace from her mom as her object for her Still Life and I love Ximena’s reaction to it!

Tess/Oh, My God!  Stef!  So, I was in the shower, the morning after this aired, and it occurred to me.  The thing that everybody already knows about who Tess is.  But in case someone hasn’t made the connection.  I realized Tess was Stef’s high school friend who she was cuddling and got caught by Stef’s dad.  Also the reason Stef was sent by her dad to see a priest, who told her being gay was a sin (episode 1x06, I believe.)

For more: Fosters Recaps

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The Fosters: Our Thoughts on Episode 4x15 “Sex Ed”

Time for another twin recap with @tarajean621.  You can see Tara’s comments in italics below:

Against the Wall: I went through one of these simulations in college.  It was called ‘The Oppression Tour’ or something and it was so intense.  I think Callie’s senior project is amazing, but I’m suspending my disbelief of the fact that she built it in like a day.

I Have Medical Anxiety:  Me, too, Emma :(

Am I a Horrible Person for Not Telling Jesus Before I Do This?  What I’m wondering, Emma, is how you got the $300 it costs to get an abortion so it won’t show up on your parents’ insurance...  And I am still of the belief that Jesus should be told.  If I were him, I have no idea how I would feel knowing that my brother took my girlfriend to abort our baby before she even told me about it.  I don’t know if Jesus would ever get over that...

The Boy and The Girl Are Ready to Have Sex:  They are, huh?  So awkward...I’m sorry, Jude...

Thank You For Opening My Eyes:  Talya, this was a nice curve ball.  Did not expect you to be the one deeply moved by Callie’s solitary confinement cell.

Ana and Isabella Are Moving In with You Guys, Right?/First I’m Hearing About It:  Ooh, Mariana.  Apparently Ana and your cousin are talking about this so freely you assume that of course AJ knows about it.  Awkward.

Did You See Emma Today?  Did She Look Okay?  Did She Go Home Sick?  While I am happy to see Jesus at family dinner, this is super chaotic.  (Expected in a large family, but not helpful for those with filtering issues.  To this day, when I have dinner with my similarly large family, I am largely silent.  Not because I don’t want to add to the conversation, but because it is all I can do to attempt to follow the various strains of discussions.  And inevitably, I end up in an empty room by myself just trying to decompress.)  So, I’m impressed that Jesus is able to speak at all in this instance.

We also see that Lena is not only cutting her own food, but Jesus’s as well.  These “little” moments eat away at your sense of self-worth.  I wonder if there was ever a conversation about this, or if Lena just does it for him to save time or to not have to see him struggle?  Either way, Jesus is looking pretty exhausted and/or demoralized here.

Back to the Emma conversation, I just have to say that Brandon is a terrible liar.  Jesus can totally tell he is not getting the full story, and it has got to be frustrating.   

If You Can Buy Your Way Out of Jail, Does That Mean Nick’s Going to Get Out?  Oh Mariana.  Totally missed this comment with all the cross-conversation going on.  I’m glad Mariana feels like she can share these concerns now.

What If He Does?  I Have No Way of Protecting Myself/Maybe You Should Take a Self Defense Class:  I love that Stef hears Mariana’s concerns and offers to help her follow through on something that will make her feel more empowered.

Why Don’t We Have Gay Sex Ed?/You’re Right We Should:  I love that Jude addresses this with Lena.  It could be because she’s the assistant principal but my first thought was that it was because she was the first of the moms to talk to Jude about same-sex handholding, and wearing nail polish, where he and Stef have never really been able to be as open about it, that I can recall.  And I love Lena’s response, too.

Since Jesus Can Manage The Steps, Why Doesn’t He Take My Room?/For Real?  Given that this is said on the heels of the whole Emma thing, Brandon’s offer of his room could be viewed as a sort of guilt gift on his part.  

That’s Very Nice of You, B:  But is it really?  Seriously, lets consider this.  Jesus had to crash in the living room for a time, but now that he is able to climb stairs, the lack of privacy as well as being so cut off from the family makes it an untenable long-term solution.

Brandon switching rooms with Jesus, so that the hospital bed could fit upstairs?  To me, that is under the umbrella of reasonable accommodations and something that Moms should have considered.  We saw Moms make similar accommodations when it was clear that Callie and Jude were staying long-term - Jesus and Mariana were expected to share their rooms.  

But instead of being expected to switch rooms now that Jesus can climb stairs, Brandon magnanimously gives up his room for Jesus.  It is not as if he will be roomless in the meantime.  But Brandon is still being portrayed as a SuperBrother, sacrificing greatly for Jesus.  And the expectation is now placed on Jesus to be grateful for the fulfillment of a basic need.  Because Jesus’s needs are now seen as Special instead of Reasonable.  And accommodating him is not an expectation, but a very nice sacrifice.  More on this later.

I Can Crash on the Couch If Bella Needs My Room:  I’m so glad Mike and Ana both said no to this.  And I’m not sure what’s up with their plan to have Ana and Bella move next door?  (Are they all moving next door?)  I’m confused...

Heels?/You Can’t Call a Time Out for a Wardrobe Change When You’re Getting Attacked:  She speaks the truth.

Avoid Isolated Areas...Which You Did Not Do at Bayfest:  Oh, Mom, come on.  Mariana has a lot of guilt around that already.  

Screaming is Your Best Defense.  Let’s Hear One:  I LOVE THIS.  I love that Stef wants Mariana to practice screaming before she actually needs to do it.  I remember when Elizabeth Smart’s dad was on Oprah with her.  They shared a story of how she was followed into a bathroom at church and trapped in there by someone who was harassing her about having been kidnapped and would not let her out.  Someone else either came inside or the guy let her out eventually, but when she got home and told her family, Dad took both daughters aside and had them practice screaming because, like Stef says, it is their best defense, if someone will not let them go, and does not have a weapon.

Gay Sex First Time: Oh Jude.  Where else are you supposed to find this out, though?  Moms don’t exactly know how to talk you through.  But I’m still so worried for you...

Huge Win and I Don’t Want to Take It Away From You/Starting to Get Anxious About What Parents Were Gonna Think Anyway:  Oh, Callie.  You don’t have to neutralize this situation.  Lena is the parent.  You can feel disappointed, or angry, or sad, this isn’t fair.  (And Tara just pointed out that AJ does the exact same thing - we saw it with Ana and Bella.  Not only does he not mind, but watch him willingly give up his room for that baby.)

Hot Pic/Thanks You 2/Age?/18:  Jude Jacob, that is so dangerous!

3 Bedroom...1 Bedroom.  What Do You Think?/It Sounds Like You Don’t Wanna Live With Me, Just Near Me:  Right, Ana?  I’m glad Mike cleared the air about her not being allowed to live there while he’s fostering AJ.

Stef Is With Jesus, So I Came By to Talk to Some of His Teachers:  Glad to see Jesus is not being rushed back into school, and that Lena’s thinking ahead and talking to his teachers.

Jude Was Talking About Health Class and Brought Up a Very Good Point/Parent’s Perspective...The Only POV You’re Entitled To:  Okay, this whole scene just angers me.  I know it’s realistic and that makes it even worse.  Where are the LGBTQ+ kiddos supposed to learn about sex ed?  According to Monte, after class, but Lena knows she never felt comfortable doing that in school and Jude and others won’t either.  Why go to a probably straight teacher who won’t have the first idea how to address your concerns?

You Don’t Touch a Child With Autism!  Grace, we have to talk.  First, the autistic community largely prefers the term ‘autistic’.  But let’s talk about the bigger issue here, because when you reprimanded Brandon, your sentence was missing some key words:

You don’t touch a child without their consent.  Autistic children included.  You don’t just get in a child’s space as a stranger and put your hands on them.  Ollie responded just right.  (Because as Stef taught Mariana, your voice is your best defense and Ollie got Grace’s attention.)  

But to imply that autistic children cannot ever be touched is just plain false and it feeds some damaging stereotypes.  I did like that Ollie was shown stimming, though.  (One small step for respectful representation.  But several giant steps back.  Bad form.)

Note: To our autistic readers - if you have further comments, please let us know and we will reblog them.  Also, if we have made any comments that are problematic, let us know and we will address those, too.  We want to hear from you.

Mike Wants to Adopt Me/What Do You Think?  I love this conversation between Callie and AJ (and that Callie has “such fond memories of that master closet” in the 3-bedroom that AJ thinks they are moving into.)  But he’s worried about what Ty will think.  I’m glad Callie encourages AJ to ask him.  That she asks questions rather than just telling him what she thinks he should do.

You Know What Is Funny?  Brandon Having To Share a Room With Jude/I Think It’s Very Sweet That He Gave You His Room.  You Might Be a Little Grateful:  And here we are again with Brandon’s grand sacrifice, and Emma forcing gratitude on Jesus.  By saying “You might be a little grateful,” she is implying that he is not grateful enough to have what every other family member is entitled to by default.  It’s just plain gross.

You Wanna Help Me Out With Some Physical Therapy?  Now, this is where that secret is going to make things tricky.  Emma is and always has been exceedingly clear about her boundaries, and declining sex is well within her right.  But to say that she does not think that Jesus is ready and able?  And dismissing him when he assures her that he is, and that he will even wear his helmet?  That does nothing but reinforce Jesus’s feelings of intense inadequacy.  

Emma is rejecting Jesus on the basis of his “safety.”  This feeds into the notion that disabled people are fragile.  That disabled people cannot have sex.  That a nondisabled person knows a disabled person’s body better than the disabled person himself does.  Because when Jesus attempts to reassure her, Emma will not hear it.  

Are You Hungry? Why Don’t I Make You A Sandwich?  Patronize him a little more, Emma.  These microaggressions like not even waiting for Jesus to respond to your question are making life so much more difficult.

Wanna Meet Up?/Where?  Jude!  No!  You can’t just meet Pump!Preston in person!  He’s, like, 30.  And you are a child.

Wanted to Talk to You About My Situation/Yeah, Me, Too.  I’m Gonna Be Out in a Few Months:  Ooh, AJ.  This is gonna put a wrench in Mike’s plans to adopt you.  Also, how do you really feel knowing all of why Mike is doing this?  Does that factor in?  Are you conflicted at all?  I’m curious.

Your Brother Wants To...I Told Him He’s Probably Not Well Enough...I’m Not Well Enough/I’m Not Qualified, But If You Need to Talk:  Okay, wow.  The lines have officially been crossed when you talk to your boyfriend’s brother about your physical relationship.  Why couldn’t Emma just say that she still did not feel well from the other day?  

Emma Sent: Was Just Talking to Brandon.  Be Right Up.  Would You Like to Reply?  I love that Jesus is using voice-to-text.  Way to adapt.  However, you can’t tell me though that no one at therapy has noticed Jesus’s unwillingness to read.  I’m sure that trained professionals would know to look deeper into that.

Exactly the Scream I’m Talking About!/What’s Going On?  Why Did She Scream/I Jumped Out From Behind the Tree/You Scared Her?  This is so terrible!  I have such a bad startle reflex and I hate to be scared the way Stef scares Mariana, especially given Mariana’s background.  I love that Lena gets in on it and insists that Stef go talk to Mariana and explains that you don’t teach a princess the same way you teach a Marine.  Honestly, too?  I’m more than a little uncomfortable with Stef’s underlying upset toward Mariana.  I hope they can work that out.

You’re Jacob?  OMG Jude!  No!  This could end so badly!  Run!  You don’t need to be meeting Pump!Preston at his apartment!

Should I Have Screamed When Nick Was in My Bedroom?/No, I Think You Handled That Pretty Brilliantly:  So glad Mariana’s able to open up to Stef about why she didn’t want to scream.  Because she “doesn’t want to relive it at all.”  And I’m so glad that Stef was able to reassure her that she handled the situation with Nick right, so that she can hopefully keep gaining confidence that she did the right thing.

Are You Behind This Boycott?  Do You Know Who Is?  Because If I Find Out Otherwise/Don’t Threaten My Daughter:  I love that Talya’s got the seniors boycotting showing  their projects at open house in solidarity with Callie and I love that Callie’s protecting Talya.  (And how much do I love Lena having Callie’s back, too?  Monte, I really don’t like you in this episode.)

I Should Have Fought For You/I Do Have an Idea But I Don’t Think Monte’s Gonna Like It:  Ooh, Callie and Lena are in cahoots!  And I love that Lena told Callie she should have fought for her.

We Only Have One Gay Man on Our Family Plan/Boy, You Mean:  Oh, Jude.  Moms found out about Pump.  And I am so glad they did.

What If He Raped You?  I am so glad Stef did not shy away from using this word with Jude.  He needed the point driven home about just how bad this could have been.  Especially knowing at least two of their kids have been raped, it’s a very real fear for Moms.  And I loved that Lena said that straight kids get told what to do in these situations, just in case, and if they have questions, parents answer them, but that LGBT kids don’t have anywhere to go to access the same information about themselves and how to be safe.

Informed Off-Campus:  Good, I’m so glad Lena’s making sure Jude and the other kids can get sex ed off campus.

I Overstepped: Yeah, you did, Brandon.  Let’s hope that this time you can sit and observe without putting your hands on kids.  Also, my gut says that in real life if he had knocked over a whole music stand in a room full of autistic kids, their reaction would not be to sit quietly and/or laugh.  (Though some might.)  Most have really sensitive hearing, so a crash like that would be more likely to be upsetting than funny.

All’s Well That Ends Well, Right?  OMG I love Lena telling Monte about how Callie got the seniors to back down (by showing her project off campus!)  So amazing!

How Did Ollie Do Today?/He Had a Really Big Breakthrough.  He Laughed.  You Can Thank Brandon.  He’s The One That Made It Happen/Thank You:  Okay.  This just feels gross.  A nondisabled person crediting another nondisabled person with a disabled child’s emotional response.  The truth is, we don’t know if Ollie was laughing at Brandon or at something else entirely.  The fact that Grace is so quick to make it about Brandon and give him the credit for something Ollie naturally did (because he’s a human being with a full emotional spectrum) is all kinds of repulsive to me.

Not to mention that Ollie is literally standing right there while his mom is hugging Brandon for making Ollie laugh.  While the three of them are talking about what a big breakthrough moment he had by laughing.  How totally ostracizing.  (And do we notice that Ollie is fine when his mom touches him on the shoulder?  Further proof that autistic kids can be touched, just not by strangers without their consent.)

I can’t say enough how gross this whole scene made me feel.  Tara said it last week: Our existence as disabled people is often about how we make nondisabled people feel.  And it even extends to this: to nondisabled people taking credit for the most natural and human responses given by an autistic child.  Seriously, if a neurotypical child were sitting in that beanbag, and Brandon knocked down the music stand and he laughed?  Would anybody be crediting Brandon for that?  Or would they talk about what happened in music class with that kid?  Instead, they talk about Ollie, like he is not even in the room, except at the very end when Grace says goodbye to him.

The Goal is to Connect With Them, and to Help Them Connect with Their Own Feelings. That’s What You Did For Ollie Today.  You Should Feel Really Good About That:  You know what, Grace?  You should recognize that Ollie is a human being.  And that he connects to people in his own way.  And that he has all the feelings everybody else has.  As @rampyourvoice has said: “Your feel-good does not supersede my personhood!”

I Don’t Wanna Hurt Mike, But I Feel Like It’s Worse If I Hurt My Brother: That’s the struggle, isn’t it AJ?

Are You Going to Art School?  Ooh, Callie, this would be great for you!  Assuming you don’t go to prison...

I’m Done. Piano’s Too Hard:  Brandon literally gets between Jesus and Emma in these piano scenes.  How annoying.  And in my opinion, Brandon is overstepping with the whole “music as therapy” thing.  He has no training.  Randomly deciding to change keys reeks of someone on a power trip after being told that he helped a kid have a feeling, as Tonia mentioned.  

Brandon has no regard for what an arbitrary change like this might mean for Jesus.  He can play the song in one key.  He is still playing piano, still using his right hand.  And then, he is told to do it differently.  Change needs to be introduced gradually, as anything outside of the ordinary will have Jesus’s brain spinning in an effort to catch up.  We know he gets easily overwhelmed for that reason.

And once again, neither Brandon or Emma take Jesus seriously when he says he is done.  

You Need to Calm Down, or You’re Going to Have a Seizure:  Jesus breaks a glass after Brandon says this.  Why?  Because it is an attempt to placate Jesus’s legitimate anger.  Brandon is patronizing him, treating him like a child in front of his girlfriend.  AGGRESSION is communication the family takes seriously.

Brandon, Mariana, Upstairs.  Hey.  Look at Me.  Look at Me.  Emma, Jesus Needs a Rest I Think You Should Go.  Hey.  Calm Down, Okay?  Calm Down, Love:    Stef is clearing everyone else out here, which is needed, but when she talks to Jesus, we don’t see his face.  We see Mariana’s face.  We see Brandon’s face.  We see Emma’s face.  We don’t see Jesus connecting, or not connecting with Stef, and I would have loved to see that moment.  We haven’t seen anybody ride out these moments with Jesus.  Usually, he breaks something and they look horrified or Lena leaves.  In a moment that, to me, is so clearly about them connecting, to not get to see them connect just feels like a real opportunity was missed here.

Also notable is that Jesus is so overwrought and/or exhausted here that he is literally using every ounce of his strength to remain standing.  He clings to his anger like a shield while tracking Emma’s progress out the door.  And when she (and the rest) leave him?  He physically collapses and breaks down.

It has been a day or so and I just watched this scene again.  What struck me this time was how much I love the Adams Foster moms’ way of handling it when one of their adopted kiddos are out of sorts. In any other home, I feel like it would be standard to send the overwrought kid to their room to cool off.  But kids who have been in the foster system and/or who have been adopted at an older age can view being sent to their room as another rejection: Mom doesn’t want to see me.  Mom doesn’t want to deal with me.  Mom doesn’t want me.

So, I love that instead, Stef clears everyone else out and gives Jesus privacy here.  I love that she stays with him.  That she touches him and asks for eye contact.  She doesn’t let his upset deter her from being physically close to him.  She shows him, via her reaction, that she is capable of handling whatever he is feeling.  I think it’s a combination of all these factors (privacy, eye contact, and physical contact) that let Jesus feel safe enough to break down.

Oh, Baby.  Talk to Me:  I do appreciate how Stef clears the rest of the kids out of the room before attempting to speak with him further.  And when Stef says, “Talk to me,” Jesus replies, “I don’t know.”  Stef chooses this moment to pause and listen, when Jesus is overwhelmed past the point of words, and it’s just heartbreaking.

And Stef says talk to me, but we don’t hear what he has to say.  We only see Jesus fall apart because that’s pitiful.  That’s sad.  That’s expected.  The show has made clear thus far that how Jesus is actually feeling and why is irrelevant because what matters is how Jesus’s feelings affect Stef, and Brandon, and Mariana and Emma.  (Lena, apparently is so overwhelmed by Jesus that she was not seen with him at all this episode, except at dinner, when she sat by him and cut his meat.)  

Is It True?  I Saw The Way You Were Looking at Her:  I cannot say enough how much I love and appreciate that everytime we see Mariana’s reactions to Jesus, they are not, “He’s freaking out because of the brain injury” but some variation of “His feelings are valid.”  His reactions are never overblown to her, because she sees the same things he does, and to her, Jesus’s feelings are always legitimate.

Emma’s Pregnant!/She’s Not Pregnant...Anymore:  Oh, wonderful.  So glad now Mariana knows about this, too, and Jesus still doesn’t :(  (Note: This is meant as sarcasm.)  Yes, and notice that the show made the choice to follow Brandon and Mariana here, instead of staying with Jesus and Stef.

They Wouldn’t Let Ana Move In As Long As Mike Was Fostering You, But Now That Won’t Be an Issue: Uh-oh, Elena.  I don’t think AJ knew that part yet.  I bet it makes moving in with Ty even more appealing. :(

We’re Going to Trial:  Of course.  Because Callie just had interest in her art from a great art school so of course they are going to trial.  Because Callie can’t have any nice things.  (Sarcasm again.)

For more: Fosters Recaps