#max function

[damienns]

Melissa Benoist as Sadie McCarthy The Girls on the Bus (2024) | 1x01

[maxz-b]

I wish golf as a sport didn't exist but it's out of my control sadly part 21/???

[fishhateme]

So... LinkedIn au part two, anyone?

this morning @adimouze got an actual linkedin notification while reading part one and a sign is a sign, so here goes part two of the linkedin au (btw if you think there's suspiciously not enough linkedin in here it's because i genuinely hate that capitalist hellhole with all my heart <3)

“Don’t worry, mate. People on LindkedIn are a bunch of cunts, anyway”

Max would have gasped, if he’d had less dignity, as he watched the man - Daniel, Daniel, Danyul in the flesh, the little icon from his LinkedIn feed, now sitting in the shitty bar, in front of him - swirl his $12 glass of rosé and sip it, scrunching up his nose the same way Sassy did when Max didn’t get her those little overpriced packets of turkey flavored wet food.

“Uh- I would say of course not everyone on LinkedIn is a cunt, maybe” Max said, completely and utterly dumbfounded, half because he was more than a little buzzed and half because he’d spent so much time thinking about finding Daniel that he hadn’t actually thought out what he’d do then (didn’t think he’d get this far, really). He could almost picture Lando laughing maniacally at the blush that was spreading all the way from his chest (thankfully hidden by his plain, black tee) to the very top of his ears, and he thanked whatever God was out there (Sir Isaac Newton, can you hear me?) that the younger engineer was too busy trying to pick up some Spanish car designer on the other side of the convention.

Max could blame the blush on the g&t’s, and not on the fact that his little virtual networking crush (what had his life come to) had the most dazzling smile he’d ever seen, staring him straight in the eyes.

“I would say that they are, then, if you don’t have the balls to” Daniel, who still hadn’t introduced himself, responded with a cheeky smirk, “They’re all stuck up pricks. They act like they only care about furthering physics and science and the greater good when all they want is their name on a plaque somewhere and a couple of sports cars so they can wank off to the airflow of the diffusers or some shit”

Max thought that was such a ridiculous notion, that respected aerodynamics engineers would spend their entire careers longing for a luxury car (and- okay, yeah, his desktop was an Aston Martin Valkyrie, but that was different, he knew that was just as out of his league as the guy standing in front of him right now). Furthermore, a pesky voice in the back of his head that sounded an awful lot like Jos was telling him that this guy was an ingrate, a disrespectful, unprofessional man who’d get nowhere, but Max bit his tongue and then washed it away with a gulp of his g&t, letting Daniel speak because he clearly wanted to rant.

“I’m serious, mate, all these people ever come to do to conventions like this is flaunt their achievements. Like-” he adjusted his stance, wiggling his body so he could move the shitty bar stool without actually getting up, suddenly getting very, very much in Max’s personal space, his thick, meaty thigh (who wore shorts to a networking event? This guy was crazy) almost brushing against Max’s knee as he leaned over to whisper and point, “See him? That’s Zak Brown, he owns McLaren Aerodynamics.”

Shit, wasn’t that Lando’s boss? Now Max felt ever so slightly guilty for nodding along to the Brit’s rants about his work, without actually ever hearing anything. “If you talk to him, he’ll invite you to a game of golf, and if you say yes he’ll take you there in a Lambo and offer you a round of Chandon or some shit, his treat. You know how he gets all that money? Because people love to spend it, shit, I love it too, but don’t you ever stop to think about where it comes from?”

Daniel leaned in even closer, his hot breath against the scorching heat of Max’s helplessly flushed ear, his words ever so slightly slurred like maybe it hadn’t been his first rosé. Maybe he’d started off with something stronger in his car (was pregaming work conventions... a thing?), and now he was trying to look semi-dignified and failing.

“He gets it from defense contracts”

Max blinked owlishly at that, like maybe he’d heard it wrong. Surely he didn't mean to say what it sounded like he was, at the very least, implying. “Uh- what? I thought they made, like…” he tried to concentrate, genuinely wrack his brain to remember what Lando had mentioned “Uh, trains? High speed trains, don’t they- isn’t that what they make?”

Daniel laughed at that, a honky, unabashed laugh, throwing his head back and showing off those pearly whites as his curl bounced. “That’s what they’ll tell you on their website, mate. That they care about the environment and are working with the UK government to make-” hic, “Make uhh, a- a greener future or some shit. And- yes, they’ve got contracts with the UK government, plenty of ‘em, but most of them are defense”

At Max’s shocked expression, at his gaping mouth, Daniel sighed and rubbed his face with his hands, and yeah, he was definitely more drunk than Max, somehow.

“Missiles! They make missiles, Maxy”

Max didn’t think Lando was capable of even designing a missile for a fruit fly, much less for… actual humans. Fish, maybe. But humans seemed odd. “How are you so sure?”

Daniel seemed to deflate at that, like everyone had said the same thing. He pulled back, elbows on the bar and head hung low between his sagged shoulders, and Max found himself missing the warmth of his tattooed thigh against his knee, even though he still felt feverish from the alcohol and the flusteredness of it all.

The Aussie hiccuped again, blinking a couple of times. “Worked there” he said, and he sounded almost beaten down as he added, “Then I quit. Eeeh, not true, actually, got fired. Publicly it was a mutual agreement. Doesn’t matter” he stopped to down what was left of his rosé, grimacing although it must have been quite a pleasant, sweet taste, not at all a man’s drink, like Jos would say. “Now I make about a tenth of what I did and I teach the next generation of missile designers how to maximize… missileness”

Max hummed, quietly. He didn’t quite know what to say at that - he made a mental note to ask Lando about some things on the drive back, sure, but other than that. He got a sense that maybe the funny LinkedIn man had turned into a sad, hot, somehow still funny LinkedIn man.

Maybe he just needed a friend. Someone to listen.

Max grimaced at that last thought, scrunching up his face and staring down at his g&t with hatred, like his favorite drink had been tainted with feelings, and they were rapidly making his way into his bloodstream.

What was he even thinking?! Sure, the guy was funny and clearly had had some success at some point of his career and he was kind of possibly the hottest man Max had ever seen but he was also clearly a loser. Besides, they were strangers! They hadn’t even introduced themselves to each other! Daniel didn’t even know Max’s-

Wait.

“How do you know my name?”

Daniel’s eyes, previously fixed on a poster of a cowboy that advertised some sort of insurance Max couldn't care less about, widened almost comically. He stared at him for a beat too long before chuckling awkwardly. “Uuuuh, what?”

“You called me Maxy. You said, they make missiles, Maxy” Max said, finally feeling the expected effect of his g&t’s, that was, some fucking courage. “How do you know my name is Max”

A second passed.

Then another.

Then a third, and by the fourth Max had just now noticed the convention was blasting some shitty, outdated jazz music, which worked more as a sleep inducer than a mood setter.

By the fifth, Max was thinking maybe Daniel wouldn’t answer, so he doubled down and looked eyes with him, but Daniel immediately looked away, flustered and biting down on his plush, pink lip, frowning as if deep in thought. “Uuuuh” he stammered, rubbing his face with the heels of his palms again, chuckling awkwardly, “Would it be too lame to say I follow you on LinkedIn?”

part 3

[omegalerc]

no better time than the future to talk about charles and his oral fixation please 🙏

Welcomeback to my cockwarming agenda from yesterday. id like to imagine a scenario that after really bad races, Charles would rush immediately to Max’s drivers room in a attempt to try and have civil conversation with Max and discussion about what just happened on track(they had an especially bad battle in which Max came out victorious), but Max would just let Charles in with a small smile, tell him he did better today, that he’s been improving!! and then tell him to get on his knees. Which Charles spends maybe like 5 seconds considering disobeying and calling Max a freak teasingly, but he knows damn well and is soon propped down on said knees and in front of Max Verstappen because he needs this, needs this pressure and calm he gets from having a cock in his mouth especially after the stress from a day like today. And he knows Max knows that as well, it’s why Max is rubbing the back of his hair so soothingly, and encouraging him to take in more. The arrangement these two could have after finding out about Charles’ oral fixation would have the potentially to get messyyyy. Like just imagine Max always trying to find opportunities to always stick a thumb in Charles’s mouth when he’s looking spacey or less focused …

[thearchercore]

Charles getting the ick may be the final push that Max needs to not let the villain win. RedBull losing dominance? No! His crush getting the ick and not getting his competency kink satisfied? We're gonna have him locked in, winning everything from now on!

max will be going to monza ready to yeet lando off track to not flop in front of charles again bc he would not physically survive him getting another ick

[taldigi]

humbrunger

[tyra-altavilla]

Pre-Calculus Meme with my dog

[navysvettel]

the vibe i bring to the function

[normalreidus]

I think one of the things that’s not it for me in canon and fandom is that ppl pair reid with desperately normal women. If ANYONE is ending up with a guy like reid it’s like, garcia’s so-goth-they’ve-scared-people-in-public friend from book club who’s into taxidermy or something, knows a terrifying amount about something like the franklin expedition, has some kinda nuerodivergency, goes to conventions, is generally seen as very weird and is super leftist.

Like i’m sorry but this man is built for a deeply domestic relationship with another freak but society can’t handle the implications (they’d have no shot with him and/or they lack vision)

[gaycrittercentral]

TEEHEE DREDGE POSTING HOURS

so idk if anybody remembers the post I made a while back on this game but I been talkin about it some more with buddies and the silly little AU I've built around it is beginning to grow >:) we've decided that all the aberrations would be Max-themed in this world for.......reasons.............that become painfully clear if you've seen the other post lmao

but yeah um Sam deserves to fish up a little aberrant buddy who ends up stickin around the boat to leer at him charmingly and put his gross little suckers all over everything <3

[mgu-h]

Idk if this been mentioned but a week-ish ago (before max went to Monaco) bankai and max were streaming separately and bankai was playing with Connor or Lorenzo or someone idk I can’t remember and they said something along the lines of “oh landos busy does that mean we get to play with max today” which just another example of everyone acknowledging the thing™ between them whatever it may be

yess i love how despite the fact that there's sort of a venn diagram ass group dynamic where max is the person in the middle, he's not equally available to everyone—lando always has priority claim on his attention, and everyone knows that if lando's available, max will always choose to play with him, and since lando doesn't want to play with any and all of max's friends, max will always choose to exclude others if it means getting time with lando. it's not subtle lmao they're just Like That and everyone knows it

[dellephone]

thunderstorm + maxcar

Oscar is already having a terrible day when it starts raining on him. He forgot to set his alarm and woke up late, ran out of coffee, got called out for making a simple mistake at work, and now. If it was any lighter, he would bike anyway, but it’s pouring. So when Oscar steps outside and sees the storm he decides, fuck it, and starts walking. He’s just thinking his day can’t get any worse when Max Verstappen pulls up next to him on the sidewalk and says, “Oscar?”

He’s soaked head to toe, walking on the side of the street in the middle of a thunderstorm, dragging his bike next to him. What a sight he must have made. “Max,” Oscar attempts a smile. “How are you?”

“You’re soaked,” he ignores the question. “Let me give you a ride.” He isn’t really asking. Oscar can’t think of a way to decline without losing any more pride, so he agrees. Now, sitting on an old sweatshirt in the passenger seat, soaking the nice leather, he feels it seep out of him.

Oscar’s too busy feeling sorry for himself to realize, “I never gave you my address.”

“Yes, I’m taking you to my place. You can get cleaned up there.”

Oscar imagines if he weren’t so cold, his face would burn. Surely this couldn’t get any more embarrassing, so he falls silent and lets Max drive. By the time they get there, he’s unable to hide his shivering.

Max shows him to the shower, gives him a few clean clothes to borrow, and leaves him to warm up. It’s only once he’s warm again that the embarrassment crawls its way back.

[squeakadeeks]

more about this OCverse, to everyone else in the business park they just saw their coworkers go to the mail room...and when they came back 3 minutes later they somehow went through 200 years of repeating apocalyptic groundhogs day hell because it turns out their xerox printer got entangled in a series of collapsing universes they got trapped in after trying to make copies

[performing-personhood]

Watched "Fury Road" again for like the fourth time and I've started noticing all the unexplained worldbuilding bits. I'm flat-out obsessed with worldbuilding that refuses to explain its nuances, since that's the way actual worlds operate, and it gives such a sense of depth and complexity and real lived-in-ness.

So here's some of the nerdy shit I'm autistic-ing about right now, behind a cut because I am considerate:

This scene. I finally heard it. Furiosa says "if we load up the bikes with everything we can carry, we can ride for maybe 160 days across the salt."

But i wanted to know. So I did some research about the oceanic and mountainous topography of Australia, laid it next to a map of the Great Artesian Basin, and noticed there's a very convenient overlap in what's now Brisbane.

She didn't say sand, she said salt. Max even echoes it back to her, "There's nothing but salt." As far as I'm aware, there are no salt flats in Australia. Which means what they're referring to is what's left of the ocean.

In my mind, this means that Max is probably right: the odds of Furiosa and her New Vuvalini* making it anywhere meaningful just can't be that good.

* I fully made this up, thought it sounded cool

Which would not be a better place than the one the left because the citadel has access to the Great Artesian Basin, the last source of drinking water on the planet.

So if we assume the Fury Road is somewhere in the vicinity of what used to be Brisbane, and they headed east over the ex-ocean, then .... there's actually an okay chance they'd be able to reach New Zealand?? Assuming:

the bikes have a top speed of 40mph, and assuming

the measurement of 1,177 miles from Brisbane to Port Villa NZ is correct, and assuming

they don't run into any difficult ex-seafloor terrain like mountains or crevasses, and

they hit the target bang-on the first time,

then it would take a little under 30 hours to reach what's left of New Zealand.

So Max is still right, they should go back to the citadel, but not for the reasons he thinks.

I'm not even gonna mention how much my brain tingles when I consider the evolution of the bizarre ultra-postconsumerist-Idiocratic mechanical religion, or the similar etymology of the slang, or my fascination with the potential historical uses of the enormous machinery of the citadel, or the scale of time involved between Now and Then, or my curiosity about the effects of total ecological collapse and natural selection on human immune responses.

It's just a reall cool dystopia and I really enjoy good worldbuilding okay shut up

[pikaclerc]

Can't believe Max Verstappen announced his pregnancy at 1644's rehearsal dinner

[verstappenalty]

funniest thing about everyone that talks about max being soooo young when he and kelly fiest started dating and soooo young to have a kid is like. he's the slow one in his family. victoria had 3 kids by age 25, his mum only JUST turned 50. professional athletes also do things on a wildly different timescale (like. footy players get married and have 3 kids by age 22) I think everyone just needs to get over themselves a bit.