#may regret and delete this post later but i have Thoughts

[starflungwaddledee]

been working on answering a prompt i received in an ask the other day, and so i'm back thinking about... the Thing... 💖🎀 and thought maybe prompt doodles might help me work through this a little?

so uhhh.... if by any wild chance anyone has any ship suggestions for starstruck...??? feel free to send them through!

[bookshelfdreams]

Hiii I hope this isn't too forward, but your tags re: Ed's evolving reactions to abuse and Izzy as abuse-survivor-wish-fulfillment are incredible and it would lovely as its own post, if you felt comfortable doing so!

Aww thank you! The post in question

Also, tbf, I'm just obsessed with the rule of 3, whenever there's the slightest chance of seeing a pattern like this I'll pound on it with a sledgehammer until it fits.

Anyway. Ed has 3 abusive white men in his life; his father, Hornigold, and Izzy. And all 3 he deals with, to escalating effect.

His father is the one who exerts the most power over him. Ed clearly comes from a violent household, and as a child, he is obviously completely at his fathers non-existent mercy. He beats Ed's mother, throws dishware against the wall, and there was a deleted scene where he yelled at Ed's mother for "turning my son soft" (oh how I wish they'd kept that in. I can understand why they thought this was expendable, but it would have made the connection between Ed's father and Izzy so much more obvious).

Ed cannot protect himself, or his mother, against this violence - up until the moment that he can. The moment he realizes he is no longer weak and helpless, he retaliates in the only way that he has ever seen conflicts be resolved. He knows that he can't intimidate his father into better behaviour, if he wants to end the abuse it has to be permanent. So he just fucking kills the bastard.

This is, of course, Not Ideal. Even 30odd years later, he feels monstrous and unlovable because of this moment. The violence scars him. Not because he was wrong in killing his father, necessarily; the show doesn't judge him for it. But Ed destroyed the life he could have had when he did it, and he wounded himself.

Violent solution? Possible, but he deserved better.

Next up, Hornigold, who is also a mean, abusive bastard. He represents the avoidance solution: Leave and never look back. We do not know what became of Hornigold after Ed left his ship, but 02x03 implies that Ed expects him to still be alive somewhere. Ed clearly suffered horrific abuse at his hands, both physical and emotional, and even though that is years in the past, he clearly never dealt with any of it. Gravybasket!Hornigold tells him "Sorry doesn't rebuild an abdominal wall. You gotta move on.": Don't expect an apology, don't try to make amends, just ignore what happened. Apologies are pointless, you can never expect your abuser to change his behaviour. So just try to get away from him and ignore him.

This also doesn't really work. In the gravy basket, Ed is clearly still desperate for Hornigold's approval - and is refused, as he probably was often when he sailed with him. "You're never good enough" is one of the core mantras of abusers. Hornigold is still living in Ed's head, and heart, and soul; the poison he fed him is still alive and well within him. Ed even tries a violent solution this time, but obviously that can't work.

Still, avoidance is better than violence. Hornigold is left behind, standing on that cliff, while Ed goes back into the light. Ed doesn't have to take him with him. He cannot make Hornigold regret what he did, but he can remove himself from his clutches.

And then there's Izzy. With Izzy, Ed obviously has the most ambivalent relationship. He seems to truly like Izzy, to some extend (why is that would be another post, but as briefly as possible: I think Izzy provides an interpersonal dynamic that is familiar, and therefore, a twisted kind of safe for Ed. Chronic mistreatment will embed in you the idea that there's something wrong with you, and that's something Izzy is all too willing to point out to Ed. Crucially though, Izzy is someone who's approval is actually attainable. Ed keeps around someone who will tear him down, yes, but who it is also possible to impress, and over who he has authority. He's going back to the previous relationships, only now he is in a position of power, and that may feel like he can fix them. Obviously this isn't exactly a healthy dynamic. Izzy, for his part, clearly gets a kick out of the power and status being Blackbeard's first mate gives him, and manipulating Ed into doing what he wants. Just watch how pissed he gets when his control over Ed starts to slip.).

And there's another, crucial difference: Izzy wants to come around. Izzy is the fantasy of the toxic person who realizes how shitty his behaviour is, and who deep down, cares enough to want to fix it. Who recognizes the pain he caused, and who tells Ed the things he most needs to hear: I hurt you, and I'm sorry. You didn't deserve this. I was wrong; you're fine.

And then - and this is also an important part of the wish fullfilment fantasy! - he dies. Ed doesn't have to deal with him anymore. We remove the possibility that he goes back on his apology, or tries to use that as a wedge to carve out a space for himself in Ed's life, or goes back to manipulating Ed. No. The apology has to be the final note this relationship ends on.

And this fixes it. Ed can look back on Izzy fondly.

He was a fucking nightmare. What a guy.

[melonba11s]

A Public Apology

I would like to start this by saying that I am sorry. I am sorry for my words in the past that have hurt others. 

I will not be naming any names for the sake of privacy, and so that these people can hopefully have some peace. I do not want anyone to be hurt.

In mid-January of 2023, in the now closed Patreon Server for YKMET, A person posted a black and white doodle of a character. I was not looking closely and referred to what I saw in part the drawing as a “blob monster”. I was corrected, told that it was a drawing of the person's natural hair texture from behind. I did not read the tone of the conversation correctly, and thought everything was taken in stride as a mistake that could be joked about. 

The next day, the same person who posted the drawing was talking about Marten, a character from a Webcomic called Facility. This character is known for having black shadow-like hallucinations. 

I made a joke, stating that Marten may mistake the person's hair for one of his hallucinations.

Immediately the person asked me to stop. I deleted the comment. I then instantly DM’d them an apology. 

My apology was not a good one. I apologized for “being cringe on main”. My words made it clear that I did not understand how hurtful and racially charged my comment was. No more words were exchanged between me and the person afterwards. I knew I had hurt them, and told myself I would watch what I said from here on out, but failed to say this to the person I’d hurt or to anyone else.

It was only when it was brought back up a year later, in January 2024, did I realize just how hurtful my words must have been. I realized the horribly racist connotations of what I said. 

I made another apology, this one public, but failed to say what I did. I can’t hide what I did. To censor myself and hide what I did is the same thing as acting as though it never happened. 

But it did.

What I said about this person’s hair was unacceptable and racist. It came from a place of ignorance. 

There were also statements about me making offensive remarks on Jamaican culture or making fun of someone for being Jamaican. 

I do need to state that I do not remember anything about my remarks on Jamaican culture. 

What I remember when it came to topics of Jamaica was talking about Jamaican food and how I wanted to try some, as I had never had it before. 

However, I can understand that I could just be forgetting what I said that was hurtful and bigoted because it did not affect me. So I apologize again, and I will continue to educate myself on other cultures, and learn to think before I speak, and when I do speak, ask questions and not just make statements.

I do not want to remain an ignorant person. I want to learn. I want to grow. And most of all, I want to show that I am sorry for what I said. 

If the person I hurt happens to read this, I am sorry. I regret what I said. If I could take back the hurt I caused you, I would. 

I won’t ask for your forgiveness. 

All I hope for you is that you are surrounded by people who treat you with more kindness, understanding and respect than I did. 

Again, I am sorry. I cannot excuse my words. I can only apologize for them, and learn from my mistakes so that I can be a better friend in the future.

[something-tofightfor]

A PSA:

This wasn’t a post that I ever thought I’d make on here, but it’s something that I’m choosing to do because I want to be transparent about it - and about myself. 

It was brought to my attention that there are people that used the information they knew about me gained through a private space to seek out my twitter account. They then used the discovery of my twitter to search for a slew of very specific words and phrases in order to drag up things that I may or may not have said throughout the years in order to use what they found against me and to paint me as a variety of things that I am not. Unfortunately, there were tweets that they did find. I’m not proud of the way I spoke and behaved online in my early 20’s. I said hurtful things, and portrayed myself - via these words - as something that I am completely ashamed of now. Of course, looking back, it’s easy to say “I definitely shouldn’t have said these things” - but that’s the truth. I shouldn’t have, and I regret that these things exist under my name, even if only via screenshot in present day.

I’m including some of the examples beneath the cut, because I don’t want to trigger anyone without their consent. But in the spirit of being open about the things I said in the past, I think it’s important to admit to them as an example of the way people can and do change their behaviors over time - and in recognition that these tweets do not reflect me as a person - or my feelings and opinions - any longer. (TW: the following images contain text that includes instances of racism and homophobia).

These tweets as well as others in the same vein I have been able to find have been deleted from my profile - which should have been done sooner - because they are horrifying to me as I look back on them. In reality, they never should have been tweeted in the first place. Many of them, I don’t remember tweeting, but that doesn’t excuse my past behavior - or negate the fact that they were up in the first place. These are not a reflection of me, today, as a person, and if I met younger Rachael, I would call her out on her shit immediately.

But as you can see, the dates show you that the majority are from well over decade ago - and in the time since, I’ve reevaluated a ton of things including the way that I speak, the things that I say, and the phrasing that I choose to use. Using terms like “gay” or “lesbian” in the manner that I used to is unacceptable. Bringing up race or ethnicity as a generalization for a group is also unacceptable. I have no ill will toward people based on their sexual orientation, race, gender etc.

I will also say that - because it is public information - I am a registered Republican voter (as I was encouraged to sign up that way when I turned 18) and have voted for occasional Republican candidates in recent local elections, but have not voted for a Republican presidential candidate since Mitt Romney in 2012. Many of my family members are Republicans as well, and before I really had a chance to be out on my own after college, I unfortnately echoed a lot of their sentiments about R vs D when it came to politics in my late teens and early 20's. I had a lot of issues with Obama's presidency, but NONE of them were based on his skin color. That tweet above absolutely fills me with shame even 13 years later, and I can't put into words how uncomfortable it makes me to know that at some point, I actually typed those words out and then POSTED them, because present-day me cannot reconcile with feeling that way and expressing that type of sentiment.

There is certain context, also, to the 'thanks for not being gay' tweets that wasn't shared - and while it doesn't excuse them, the phrase was used between the friend whose name is blocked and I due to the exact thing being said to HER by a coworker, and both of us thinking it was an absurd thing to thank someone for. And Spangler Park was a running joke in the city that I used to live in, due to the fact that the weekly police blotter was filled with reports of gay men using it as a meeting place for public sexual acts.

Trying to explain myself isn't a valid defense to much of the content here, but it's also important to remember that context matters in many cases - like with the Daniel Tosh (who is a comedian) reply, that was clearly in response to something he said on his own account, but what that was is unknown to me 13 years later since it wasn't a quote tweet.

I am constantly trying to hold myself just as accountable as I hold others in my life for the things they say, do, and believe. I would not tweet or say any of these things today. I do not believe any of these things today. I have grown and learned a lot in the last decade plus, and I hope that that is reflected in my current behavior and with the people and causes I support. I am not the same person at 37 that I was at 22-23 - very few people are.

I will end this with a sincere apology to anyone that I may have hurt with these messages and my behavior - both now and in the past. I regret saying these things. I regret the fact that for a period of time, I "spoke" with very little thought about the impact of my words, or how wrong these things were to say. I have tried to - and hopefully accomplished - make changes in my life throughout the years, and continue to do so every day. 

It's impossible to make meaningful changes overnight, but I hope that you believe me when I say that over the course of the last decade, I have changed a great deal about myself and my behavior, and work hard to keep learning as the world around me changes, too.

Thank you for taking the time to read this. My inbox and DMs are open for questions and conversation, if you have anything to say. If this is where you choose to part ways with me, I wholeheartedly understand that, too, and wish you the best. An additional reply to an ask I received

[owlf45]

Hi Owl, did owl, did you ever hate your own writing? Like thinking its so bad to the point that you want to delete it? Because i just upload my first ever fanfic and keep overthinking about the fic, its just everytime i read it its feels worst than before 😭. Did you have advice about how to deal with this feeling?

Absolutely I did! Almost every author's note in all of my old fics has a section with me expressing how much I hated my own writing.

The beginning stage of writing is hard. It's okay if what you wrote wasn't exactly what you had in your head, but if you're having fun with the process, the end product doesn't have to be perfect (it never is). It doesn't matter. You'll only get better at writing as you go.

Secondly, the more you read something repeatedly, the more you hate it. Forbid yourself from reading your fic for the next few months. Some of the writing I hated the most, I went back to read it years later and it was funny, charming, or downright amazing. If you read it too often, you become so entangled with it that you forget that a reader is absorbing everything you wrote for the first time— and they'll probably love it. Leave it alone until you can look at it with fresh eyes. Stop reading it! Don't obsess over it.

Also, it's straightforward as an author to point out what you think are 'flaws' in your work. But guess what? Readers... probably won't even notice. In fact, some of the things you think suck, your readers will find meaning in. When I was younger and a bit more nihilistic, I thought Imaginary was always too fluffy to be that rich in complexity compared to some of my darker works. However, readers pointed out how the fact that the characters choose kindness and silliness—repeatedly, despite their own history—is refreshing, optimistic, and genuinely joyful. Your readers can find so many valuables in your writing that you never even comprehended while writing it. So you can hate your work, but really, you only hate your perception of it.

(I can never give a concise response, so the rest is under the cut:)

I have deleted plenty of my old works because I hated them. There are about ten that will never see the light of day again. And while I don't regret taking them down, I GREATLY regret not saving backups. My recommendation: keep your fic up (for now) until you've written a couple more. You learn a shitton of writing skills within those first few fics, and if you keep backtracking rather than moving forward, you might feel stuck. Once you get more comfortable with the writing process and you have a bigger pool of writing to compare with, then start thinking about what you want public and what you don't. (And save everything as a backup). I caution you against obsessing over a perfect profile/discography, however, and deleting everything as soon as you don't like it anymore. It's very easy to compare your works and your stats with this invisible standard you've set for yourself, or with other creators. Don't.

My relationship with my writing improved the most when I started posting more, and when I kept the silly stuff on my profile. When I only had 3 works (and two were long-form WIPs), I felt super self-conscious about posting anything new. But then I did Fic Fight and posted like 12 works in a month, and most of them are not that significant. But they were fun to write. Suddenly I gained a much healthier respect for my writing. It doesn't have to be perfect, I just have to enjoy writing and sharing it with others. I think all writers who put a lot of stock into their writing have to internalize that at some point.

If you really enjoyed writing your first fic, and you really want to share it with others, then keep doing it. There may come a time down the line, maybe a few years later, when you can look back at this fic and recognize how you would write it differently. But that comes with time and experience. So keep writing for fun and for yourself! (And if you're stuck, stop re-reading your writing, and ask a friend to beta your work for you!)

Hell, I will give a perfect example right now. For all I appreciate my own writing, I still get a little weird about Imaginary. So I asked a few of my readers, whenever I'm done with the next chapter, to read it before I post it and vibe-check it. I've been doing this since chapter 3. I've been doing it for five years, basically. And literally every time I've gotten nothing but kindness, and I still, irrationally, freak out every time I have to update again. Does that stop me? No, though it does take me forever to update! So you should do the same! Keep going! Even if it takes you a while.

So yes. There's my forever-long lecture. I fail always to be concise. I hope this helps.

[cal-writes]

hi, i'm here with a couple of bits for the ask game! ❤️ in general AND specifically 221 Beika Street series. 💥 for both one piece and detco. and ✨️👓🦋🦈📚💛 please! may you have a blessed day, Cal!

damn you did not mess around! lets hope mobile doesnt destroy me trying to answer

i will put this under read more bc it got long!

❤️ What is your favorite line that you’ve written in a fic?

i have many! generally i like my dialogue the best usually so this one is from my most recent one piece wip

-

Kureha scoffs and waves him off. “Oh, please. You’re practically glowing like a young bride. You definitely got laid.”

for detco i loved this exchange in A Matter of Deduction

“For the record, you’re a terrible liar.” Shinichi threw over. Hattori hung his head briefly with a sharp laugh. He shut off the water in the sink and dried his hands on a dishtowel he threw at Shinichi with too little force, causing it to land on the floor between them.

 

“And you’re a terrible detective.”

-

for 221 beika street specifically i loved writing amuro and shinichi being bitchy at each other

“I like him better than I do you.” He told Amuro plainly. It wasn’t much of an achievement, considering, but Shinichi still felt like it needed to be said. Since they were being so honest with each other after all. 

 

“I’m well aware,” Amuro said, chuckling. “I hate you less than I do him.” He was still idly turning pages in the book and Shinichi slammed it shut in his hands.

 

“If you bring your gun here again I will make you regret it.”

💥 What is one canon thing that you wish you could change?

for one piece i think it would be the reveal of why sanji wanted to have to power to turn invisible. listen i have a tough time liking sanji in canon and i thought when it was first brought up that yknow that could be an interesting thing to explore esp with his backstory later with his shitty family like do something with that! and then they were like nah he wants to harass women in the bath. like i pretend i do not see it

for detco its hard bc i think there is so much thats only debatably canon. for me detco isnt really one continuous story so i like to pick and choose with canon anyway. maybe just more queer representation. or any i suppose (the movies arent really canon but the lupin crossover movie has like two or three lines in it that i despise and wish to delete from out universe entirely)

✨️ Out of the comments you’ve received on your fics, what are two or three of your favorites?

there is a lovely person called hikarinomajin (i forgot what their tumblr user name is and cannot find it for the live of me rn) who made a thread on twitter as they read 221 beika street and linked it in the comments and that was a joy to read. they leave lovely comments but that first one and the thread is special to me, ive never had someone make a thread live blogging them reading my writing.

also @blithe-bee is the best hype woman for my wips, lots of comments from her in my google docs drafts that are a huge motivation, i have posted one of my recent favorites on this blog about stabbing zoro being my brand

also a very different but hilarious one is this one on Glue Trap from BnuuyTales, makes me cackle every time

👓 What helps you focus when you write?

playlists! i make playlists for everything. when im starting to get serious about a story i will sit down and make a playlist. here is part of the 221 beika street one

🦋 Which character is your favorite to write?

they all have their unique quirks. i think i feel the most at home in heijis and laws head bc i can project my own way of thinking on it. a bit scattered and a bit overdrive and run on sentences. its the easiest to write as them i think. a few other characters are fun to write though just because i can use a different style. ive really been enjoying writing robin from one piece and my one shot from sonokos pov bc they think very differently and have different focus and expressions

🦈 Which character is the toughest to write?

i really struggled with kaito at first. ive mostly seen the movies for detco in the beginning and hadnt read the kaito manga yet so i felt like pulling teeth trying to get his voice down.

for one piece i tried my hand at usopp recently too and i definitely am not as comfortable in his pov yet as other characters but i could see myself really enjoying him down the line

📚 Is there a fanfic or fanfic writer you recommend?

@the-pen-pot is someone ive been following since livejournal and shes (i hope thats the right pronouns) a great writer! merlin unfortunately isnt my fandom but if you are into merlin im sure her stuff is still great if not better then when i read her fullmetal alchemist fics back in the day

specific fics is a little though for op and detco bc as soon as i start writing fic i will read less of it in any given fandom xD

but here are some favs

i think a classic for detco is a study in scarlette great work by kittebasu

kaishin power hour, great plot and fantastic pace, also really interesting character exploration

for one piece i absolutely loved Cut My Feelings Clean Off by Augment

zoro as the heart pirates first mate, fantastic dynamics here. absolutely love how their wrote law

if you are into grandmaster of demonic cultivation and horror Post Mortem by Cataclysmic_Calamity was a breathtaking piece of work but do be mindful of the content warnings. the climax is so fantastic i read it multiple times

and for some red vs blue fans P versus NP by @glassedplanets

wash and maine in a canon divergent story. one of my absolute favorites, i followed the progress for years and the author recently started writing one piece too! (that ive been meaning to read as well) so definitely check their stuff out. they also make beautiful art

i wish i was better with names bc i know some of these people have tumblrs too that i follow but i cannot remember the names. i just see vague icon blobs when i scroll my timeline

💛 What is the most impactful lesson you’ve learned about writing?

i know its hard especially in this current age of social media but just write for yourself. like i sometimes call writing exorcising things from my brain and i think thats where the passion comes from. dont write for numbers and likes (although those are of course nice too) but they arent a sign of quality or capability.

ages ago on a different website i once did this test where i took the same fic, changed the names into one from a bigger fandom and posted them both. and to see the difference in numbers just based on which fandom or paaring it was from really helped me move on from that mindset of “if there are no comments or likes its bad” sometimes it just means less people have seen it

wow thank you for asking all of them!! this is fun

[kazoosandfannypacks]

"Open to Interpretation" by kazoosandfannypacks

Chapter 3/16: Small Pairing: CaptainSwan Rating: General Word Count: (1K/24K) Summary: Emma Swan is appalled at works by modern artist Killian Jones- until a handsome stranger convinces her otherwise- and after introducing himself as the artist in question, he invites her out on a date. As their relationship develops, they find that they might not be as different from each other as originally thought. Chapter Summary: a little glimpse into the life of Emma Swan Tags: au, fluff, captain swan, modern au Author's notes: As you may notice this while reading this chapter, I haven't given Emma's cringefail ex boyfriend a name yet. as you continue with this story, you'll find that I never refer to him by name at all. This is intentional so that you, the reader, have freedom to make him whatever cringefail ex boyfriend you like. You could make him Bagel or the flying monkey, or even your own cringefail ex boyfriend, or that guy who cut you off in traffic yesterday, or anyone else you despise. That is my gift to you 💞 Taglist: @zahara @kmomof4 @jonesfandomfanatic @booksteaandtoomuchtv @jrob64 @tiganasummertree @anmylica @teamhook @undercaffinatednightmare @gingerchangeling @lonelyspectator @caught-in-the-filter @ultraluckycatnd @cs-rylie @pirateprincessofpizza @lfh1226-linda [if you'd like to be added to or removed from this list, hmu in my dms or askbox!]

Also on Ao3!

 An hour later, Emma sat down on the couch in her apartment with her phone in one hand and a mug of ramen noodles in the other.

 She scrolled absentmindedly through Facebook, playing the mental game of "will I see more engagement posts or birth announcements today?" and regretting friending so many people back in college, all of whom she never spoke to anymore. Once the life update posts ended, she switched to Instagram, and was only a few posts in before she realized social media was a mistake today.

 It was only a week after her ex had decided they should take a break- but after all they'd gone through together, Emma shouldn't've been surprised to see him already posting a picture with another girl. Careful not to accidentally like the photo, she read the description, words about being excited to see where this goes getting blurred by the anger and annoyance clouding Emma's mind- not just sorrow over his betrayal, but frustration that she was stupid enough to let him get away with it. She should've seen this coming from a long way off, but she'd given him the benefit of the doubt all this time, only to find herself trampled on.

 She unfollowed him on Instagram, then on Facebook, and was well on her way to deleting and blocking his contact in her phone- when she noticed she hadn't opened the text that Killian had sent her before she left the museum. It was just the picture they'd taken together, which she immediately saved to her phone, then figured she should probably say something in response.

 "Thanks for the picture. Had a great time!"

 She was half tempted to post their picture on her Instagram story, just to rub it in her ex's face that she had a date this weekend too, coupled with some caption about how it wasn't every day she met such a talented guy, but she felt it might be petty and shallow, and generally uncool to get Killian caught in the crosshairs like that out of the blue.

 She turned off her phone screen and set it down on the couch, then flopped her head back.

 There had to be something healthier than social media to handle this annoyance and betrayal- wasn't that why she went to the museum today anyways?

 She looked back at her newspaper covered coffee table with a canvas and paint supplies all set up. It had been a while since she'd painted something with feeling, so she'd been hoping to find a little inspiration at the museum.

 She picked up the canvas and a pencil and tried to sketch something out. How could she describe how she was feeling after the fallout of this week? Broken? Betrayed? Small?

 Small. Believing you're someone's everything for months, then finding out you're more replaceable than a double A battery- the only thing she could call herself was small.

 She sketched out a figure, a young girl, just an outline, with her head hung down. She didn't take up too much of the canvas. She then drew an outline around her, one not unlike a shadow across the corner of the page, like it was coming from someone off the canvas- and like his shadow was part of why he felt so small.

 "That's got a message." she thought. She then thought about the message that Killian had included in the three paintings she'd seen with him. Maybe if things worked out well on Friday, he'd walk her through his whole exhibit sometime, explaining the story behind every painting.

 She wondered how much social media presence he had for his art- his Instagram had been mentioned in one of the brochures.

 "Maybe I should take a fresh look at some of his paintings for a touch of inspiration."

 She opened her phone to get distracted from her painting, but found herself distracted from that as well- Killian had replied to her text.

 "You're welcome. Did you make it home safely?"

 She smiled, endeared at the concern for her in those words.

 "Yup. Thanks for asking." she texted back.

 He replied almost immediately.

 "Pleasure's all mine. See you Friday at 5:30!"

 "Can't wait."

 Then she opened instagram, and tracked down his art account. She tapped on the profile and viewed his story- a link to a newsletter about the benefit dinner, a snapshot of a view of the city out the window of what was apparently the apartment the museum had him set up in, a screenshot and a link of a news article about his display, the picture he'd taken with Emma….

 She held down the screen so it wouldn't disappear before she read the caption.

 "Always a pleasure to meet a new fan! @nolan.blanchard.art.museum"

 Emma's gut reaction was a hint of annoyance at her photo being used as a publicity stunt- but it made her feel special as well. As she realized she was charmed by this and not appalled, she also realized that she would now seem a lot less petty to do the same thing. In fact, since she'd seen the story, it would almost be impolite if she didn't respond.

  So, she screenshot his story, then uploaded it to her story, adding a caption of her own.

 "The pleasure was all mine! It's cool meeting such a talented artist @artists.life.for.me @nolan.blanchard.art.museum."

 If he was gonna get clout from their picture together, she felt no shame in doing the same.

 She then went back to his profile and followed it, then liked some of his recent works.

 "The 'don't like after three days' rule doesn't apply to influencers," she reasoned, so she felt it alright to like every picture of his paintings that spoke to her.

 Which, though she wouldn't've expected it of herself even two hours ago, happened to be most of them.

[huggingkoalas]

hi, lumi!

i've been scrolling through your blog since you reblogged a fic of mine and i just wanted to check out — then i saw your vent post. i thought a lot before even considering sending you this, but i'd regret if i didn't do so.

just wanted to say: a few days ago i wrote a fic for Natasha (which was just an excuse) saying everything i am going through as well, the suicidal thoughts, the self harm, i just put everything there and posted. but a few hours later i deleted it since i was too scared and honestly, ashamed to show people that, let them read it.

you're so damn brave and strong for telling that, for strangers especially. i'm honestly tearing up right because i also desperately need help but can't ask for it. i relate to you. so much. i'm tired, don't know how much time i've got before everything falls apart. and i like writing because i don't have anyone else to share my thoughts with or to "lose to the writing".

i hope you hold on in there. i'm far away, and i may not be able to help through the screen, but if you ever need it, i'm here. i am i got a few little good advices and i'm here to listen. xx

hello sweetheart <3

thank you so much for sending me an ask! honestly i’m open to having any conversation with anyone through asks, the asks i get mostly mean no harm and i love sharing my own input/thoughts with other people :3

aww, yeah. i understand putting your feelings into words, especially in writing. it’s why two of my current-ish works, “loss and love” and “out of love” are more... sad than the usual work i put out. i guess you can say that they were vent fics for me.

i can imagine how scary it is to put your feelings into words, and then put it out publicly for everyone. but it takes real bravery to do it, and im so proud of you! i hope you know that even if you aren’t satisfied of a work you put out, there’s definitely someone out there that appreciates it :)

and also, it’s just... sad, that most writers nowadays are really scared of the reader’s reactions/comments to their work. that the amount of likes or repost you get matter more. i struggle with it too, of course, i’d like to think that every writer does, but fully realizing that you’re writing for YOURSELF and not for other people, lifts a weight off your shoulders. no one else’s opinions about your work matter, sweetheart.

i hope one day that i’ll have the chance to read it :) i hope you have the bravery to post it once again, and i’ll be there cheering you on from the sidelines again! i love any fics that have to deal with angst. becauss it just shows that even our favourite characters deal with sadness. it’s like they’re just human — like us, too.

dealing with negative thoughts can take such a toll on the mental health. i don’t really think i’m brave or strong tbh. i’m just someone trying my best to survive a cruel world :)

it’s hard to ask for help at first, but taking the first step into talking about your feelings, just with a “hey, can i tell you something that’s been bothering me?” feels so fulfilling, in a way.

and yeah, i agree that it’s hard to talk to someone especially when you don’t have that someone. and i’d like to offer you a lending/helping hand. i may just some random stranger in the internet, but i’m here for you, sweetheart. my dms (and asks) are always open if you need someone to talk to or just need some advice. i wish i could give you the biggest bear hug right now, you definitely deserve it after everything you’ve been through.

and thank you for reaching out to me. i hope you hold on too. i guess it’s just... even when everything seems hopeless, there’s always something or someone to hold on to. just... go easy on yourself, alright? we’re flawed, after all. just be patient and learn to love and take care of yourself. breathe, and take things slow.

i’m happy that there’s someone out there, too, that’s there for me. i’m here for you too, if you ever need some advice and/or comfort. thank you for such a sweet and impactful message, sweetheart. remember to eat properly and hydrate yourself, alright? <3 :)

it’s 4am right now so i genuinely apologize if it seems like i’m rambling and/or my messages don’t make sense. </3

[harapeveco]

Ok so since it’s 2023 for me and I’m drunk as fuck so might as well be sappy when I’m out of it and regret this later tee hee

This year has been shit ngl my brother left the country, I changed majors, I was diagnosed with depression, I lost friends along the way…to say it’s been too much it’s an understatement and ig it has been like that for everyone to some extent

But I also gained some things! I got a new tablet, I started doing commissions, I made new friends and strengthen the bond I had with my current friends, I’m working on an Eve project I’m really excited about and I’m finally starting this big fic project I wanted to do so bad…it hasn’t been that bad when you look at the positive things every once in a while me thinks

Ah but ig I should be really talk about this blog and Eve and all that stuff right? It is pointless bc y’all know how much I love Eve and how much I would die for him and commit crimes and all that all that…as for this blog…it means a lot to me! Idk it’s just not to trauma dump lmao but ig the fact that people engages with what I have to say, talk to me from time to time via ask box or comments and overall have just fun with this dumb little blog makes me really happy! Mostly when I’ve been told my whole life to shut up and not talk unless I have something of relevance to say, it’s nice the little internet people who follows me are somehow having fun with my nonsense that’s why I feel I should thank y’all somehow and it doesn’t matter what I’ll do to give those thanks I’ll never think it’s gonna be enough…so all I can give for now are those illegal songs! Have you downloaded them already? Gave them a listen? You should do it fast before I delete them!

Ah I also would like to thank my discord besties all of them! The ones on tdt, the art server and the ones on my private server, the ones who dm me regularly to just talk about whatever and the ones who occasionally dm me to talk about Eve theories and such…it’s embarrassing to flat out say your feelings and show your love in a straight forward way but I love them and appreciate them so so much the fact that people who barely know me and whom I barely know can be so important to me, the fact they put up with me, appreciate me, have fun with me, I love them so so much I think I might cry thinking about it. I’ve never felt so loved like I do with these people and as much as I want to tell them how important they are to me and how much I love them I don’t think I have the courage to so I’ll hide it here, where they may find it but it will be less embarrassing. I don’t think 2023 will be the year but may we all meet soon in person and have fun together like we are meant to be

This post is gross it makes me wanna gag, feelings laid out like this are gross it’s what I’ve been told so I better shut up tee hee. May 2023 be a better year for all of us, a year of reflection and thought, a year when we finally do that thing we always wanted to do, a year that may bring new friends and new people to our lives, a year that blesses those who are important to us and a year where we are a better version of ourselves

I love y’all time to pass out 

-Miss Juju Harapeveco ❤️

[oveliagirlhaditright]

...

A post I made on my old blog. But since it was on my old blog that I deleted, it's pretty much gone now, so I thought I'd go ahead and make it again.

Parallels between Lunafreya and Kairi/Noctluna and SoKai.

Basically, in the first scene, Gentiana is telling Luna that she, the girl, has the strength, not her role as the Oracle. But Luna sort of doubts that, and doesn't really see what Noctis would see in her outside of her role of the Oracle. Even so, she's in love with him, of course, and in her last moments (because she's dying), to see him once more--and to perhaps even have the wedding they were supposed to have (as they were meant to have an arranged marriage)--would mean the world to her.

The story of Noctis and Luna, is that they met as children, but became separated when Tenebrae (Luna's kingdom) became occupied by the Niflheim empire. Through the years, Noctis and Luna were secretly able to communicate through a notebook they passed back and forth--and fell in love that way--but at least originally (DLC somewhat changed this), it seemed like they were never that upfront about their feelings for each other in said notebook, even though they both truly loved each other (which is why Luna is somewhat unsure of Noctis' feelings for her here). There's a scene in one DLC where a character Sarah tells Noctis that he really should be more honest about how he feels, or he might regret it, and I think that's definitely about Luna's upcoming death, of course. And many theorize that since this story is majorly based off of Hamlet, that Noctis and Luna are also somewhat inspired by Hamlet and Ophelia (as well as Romeo and Juliet): especially since Luna's death scene, like Ophelia's, is tied to water. But anyway.

As for how the Sora and Kairi scene parallels the Noctluna one a bit in my eyes... for those who don't know, Sora and Kairi are the main canon pairing of the Kingdom Hearts series. And before Kingdom Hearts III, though there were hints to the Sora and Kairi ship--and the two may have somewhat hinted to each other that they liked each other at times--it was never concrete until this game. Now Kairi is asking Sora to share paopu fruits with her: where if you share them with someone you really care for, your destinies will be come intertwined, and you'll remain a part of each other's lives no matter what. That's a rather bold way to out of the blue to tell your love interest you like them! In some ways, it's almost like a marriage proposal! (Or at least promise rings, perhaps.) Though we actually see Sora liking Kairi in the series first--by drawing himself sharing paopus with Kairi on a cave wall, no less--I definitely get why he's taken aback by this the moment it happens. But why I think Kairi somewhat acts like Lunafreya here, is because she seems to walk it back from being a romance a thing to me (maybe somewhat in seeing Sora's initial reaction, and doubting herself?): as she's trying to use the paopus as a way to protect Sora in the Keyblade War, and says she just wants to be a part of Sora's life no matter what. And we don't get our true SoKai romance/realization of love scene until a bit later in the game, where Kairi keeps Sora from fading away after he's died and he realizes that that was an act of true love from her.

Edit: And one thing I typed out on my original post--that for some reason, I was thinking of not mentioning again, but I suppose I will--is that both of these stories were, at least originally, written by Tetsuya Nomura. Though Final Fantasy XV did end up changing, of course, when Nomura was kicked off the project and Tabata was put in charge, but just how much changed and stayed the same, we'll probably never know. But interestingly, SoKai in KHIII did parallel Noctluna some. And we also know that Nomura is putting some of his unused ideas from Versus XIII/Final Fantasy XV into Kingdom Hearts now, which is very interesting.

[hiddenthoughtsofawanderer]

Good lord, I am coming to tumblr yet again because of him. How the fuck?

I guess let’s catch you up reader.

It’s May of 2022, and I get a follow request on Instagram. It’s him, I almost instantly delete it then I regret it, and message him. He apologizes. He’s trying to not be an asshole, didn’t want to leave it bad between us. We chat a little and I let him follow me and I follow him back. Over the past two years I confide in him, ask for advice, we have friendly banter, send each other’s reels. Getting a little closer to real friends, just over the internet. We have honest conversations, and little flirtations, of course it’s just jokes. Friendly banter, simple, innocent, I try to not dwell on those little flirty moments. It feels too familiar, too close to what we were heading towards in the past. But he’s reliable, the friend of all I need, just like he promised so many years ago. I can’t help it. I reread old posts, waves of nostalgia hitting whenever we talk. I push it away. Friendship. Friendship. I am in this for friendship. He’s engaged by now, there’s no way I could ruin that. Especially considering I’m back with Jack, and even though we’re technically in an open relationship, we’re talking engagement too.

But then it’s Saturday night, and I get a message. “I’m at my bachelor party.” He’s drunk, and he’s messaging me, telling me about his night, all the girls he’s danced with, and he makes a joke about me being “his last boobies”. The door opens, the flirtation begins, but it feels harder to good because he’s cute when he’s drunk. “He’s cute in general”, don’t think that, he’s engaged. Yet I continue to flirt back. I try to be casual.

In my head, I can’t think straight, I’m trying to keep my cool but dammit he’s thinking about me too. He reached out to me. I try to be playful, keep it light hearted. Don’t get attached. Flirt, make jokes, he can’t be second guessing her by thinking about me. I try to push out my feelings. It doesn’t stop me laughing and suggesting I send him my favorite picture from my boudoir shoot, he asks “I mean are we calling off our weddings and picking each other, or just appreciating each other?” Is that a serious question? He can’t actually be serious about leaving her for me. “I don’t think you’d move to Colorado for me, I’m not enough remember?” “Haha yes that’s probably correct”. Right right keep it casual, these are just jokes. I still send the photo. He compliments them. He says something about me not being approved for the swingers vacation. And I’m like probably not…

“I’m patient, a good listener too.” “I’m just in bed, no listening, I sleep now” “okay goodnight, sleep well” little more banter and jokes about not drinking water, a little more flirting, and he passes out. And now I’m here, three nights later, writing it all out at an ungodly hour. I might’ve been tired, but I was fully aware of my actions. I did try to be somewhat good but fuck what am I supposed to do when it’s him? He’s my kryptonite. He messaged me the next day like oh my gosh I was the drunkest of skunks, but never apologized for how the night went. Maybe he doesn’t remember it. Maybe we’re sweeping it under the rug for a little. He’s a month away from getting married, I couldn’t do that. I’m almost engaged anyways…

Yet here I am dwelling on it. Drunken words are sober thoughts. Hey, no, I can’t, stop thinking about it. He would say it sober if he meant it. I need to sleep, it’s been hours of me writing. But I guess at least it’s out of my system.

[dont-offend-the-bees]

Took a quick peek in the Hannibal tag and yeah there’s a lot of negative stuff, so just a few carefully measured, slightly more positive thoughts in no particular order. But I seriously do not wanna argue with anyone, or get involved in any drama, so if you disagree feel free to just skip this post, stop reading, go do your own thing, I’m just letting my thoughts out to breathe and then I’ll probs shut up about this for good because I am Too Old for discourse.

1) Remember everything said by Fuller and other cast/crew is word of god, not text, and therefore basically headcanon. If you don’t like it, you don’t have to use it, but let people enjoy it/have fun with it if they feel seen/represented

2) Even if we get a season four and some of this stuff becomes actual in-text canon, A) you’re still not obligated to stick to it (when making transformative work, the canon is free real estate babey) and B) even if canon compliance is your jam, there’ll probs still be wiggle room to headcanon as you please because seriously when has anyone on this fucking show ever said something as clear and explicitly straightforward and impossible to misinterpret as ‘I’m heterosexual’

3) I’m not here to defend Fuller or anyone else as paragons of virtue or masters of these characters (doing so with anyone is an invitation for disappointment), but I do think most of what was said was said in good faith. Real-time answers put together in live recorded interviews are never gonna be as perfectly worded as they could be.

If you disagree that’s fair and I respect your feelings, but it didn’t feel particularly malicious to me, and I really don’t like to be too harsh to people over poor word choices in live interviews because god knows I can’t help but slip when I have a camera/voice recorder on me and no opportunity to draft and re-draft my answer lmao

4) I personally also think Will is bi, but I also think he hasn’t fully become aware of or labelled himself as that yet as Hannibal is the first man he’s felt this for, so in my head he’s just ‘self-identified hetero until he figures his shit out’- I would also be open to him being somewhere on the ace spectrum, and I’m glad that possibility was acknowledged and respected

(I’ve seen some speculation that hesitance to put them into a sexual relationship is for fear of alienating a straight audience or w/e, but Fuller did American Gods (not going into that show here, no way, do not have the time or patience) and demanded a re-take of an explicit gay sex scene to make it more realistic/intimate so I don’t think he’s particularly worried about letting the gays have their sexy fun on screen. I think he’s just legitimately entertaining the idea that they may not have a sexual love, and that’s fine, he did not deny that they are in love at all, he just didn’t promise sex scenes)

5) I really don’t think it’s fair to label the show as queerbait based on an interview you don’t agree with. As far as I can gather from info dating back to series one, Fuller originally intended on making a show about male friendship, the direction taken by the actors/other writers and the fan response took it down a more romantic route, and rather than fight it he let it happen, leaned into it it and seems ready to continue it in season 4, whether that’s sexual or not. This feels like a case of ‘accidental gay romantic chemistry happened and rather than try and bury it we’re gonna work it into the story and let it be a thing that we actually develop’, and that’s kinda the opposite of queerbait.

Just because a character doesn’t say ‘I’m gay’ or doesn’t fuck another character on screen does not mean they are not queer, and Hannibal is canonically in love with Will. It’s queer, canonically, it just may not be the exact picture of a queer relationship between these two men that you pictured, and that’s ok. You can write the one you pictured, never let canon or word of god make you feel your interpretation is off limits. Conversely, never let it make you think that your interpretation is more valid than someone else’s because it happens to align with canon or authorial intent more than theirs.

6) I’m kinda reminded a little bit of Good Omens. Once again, I’m not here to say that Neil Gaiman is a paragon of virtue or master of headcanons, but a lot of people took issue with him not wanting to label Aziraphale and Crowley as ‘gay’; which he explained was because they are both genderless and gender non-conforming, and that trying to corral them into one particular box under the LGBTQ umbrella wasn’t truthful to them. People were upset that he didn’t want to use that word, and upset that Aziraphale and Crowley didn’t kiss/make out on screen. Now, Az and Crowley are.... arguably? Less explicitly canon than Hannigram? Which is fair cause for upset if you’re just really sick of seeing queer relationships on screen than can be denied by cishets who don’t wanna acknowledge it.

But a lot of people- agender, nonbinary, asexual, aromantic people- LOVED them, and felt seen by them, and that’s not nothing. It is okay for characters, who are clearly deeply in love, to express that love in ways that are not sexual, and it’s okay for them not to label themselves. We do need more media with queer characters who own their labels, yes, of course we do, and more positive and realistic depictions of physical queer relationships on scren. But a pairing isn’t totally invalid or inherently queerbaity for not doing so.

Anyway, yeah, TL;DR:

1) word of god is nothing, take joy/comfort in it if it suits you and respect those that do but otherwise do what you want

2A) canon is also nothing, do what you want B) Hannibal canon is especially tricksy and open to your own interpretation

3) Showrunners are humans who misspeak, even with good intentions

4) Will labelling himself as het doesn’t necessarily mean he is, also it’s nice that asexuality was respectfully acknowledged (also Fuller’s very down with gay sex scenes, just not sold on it for Hannigram specifically, but y’all probs write better smut than he would anyway)

5) a relationship not being depicted as you wanted does not make it queerbait, there are a million types of queer in the rainbow and one queer experience is not universal. Also you can write whatever you want regardless of canon, in the Olden Days we shipped whatever the heck we liked canon be damned.

6) pretty much the same as 5 but with Good Omens comparisons

I meant what I said at the start, I really am not getting further into the discourse than this and will likely not respond if anyone gets confrontational. But lemme just sign off by saying this; if what was said today makes you happy, makes you feel seen, good for you. If it doesn’t, please try not to let it prey on your mind, word of god is just glorified headcanon and you’re the master of your own mind palace. Whether you’re type A or type B, just try not to let this turn you hostile to other fans, it’s seriously not worth it. If you’re sick of seeing one point of view or another on your dash, I’d recommend just slamming that block/unfollow button and moving on, it’s hella liberating

If anyone, sincerely and in good faith, wants to chat about this stuff or even just geek out a little about it, hit me up! I’m on a big ol’ Hannigram kick right now and would love more people to chat to about ‘em, I’m just too old for drama ^^

Take care out there folks <333

...also holy fucking shit lads problematic is hannigram’s middle n a m e jesus Will stubbornly id’ing as het while getting fucking railed by hannibal would be one of the least batshit things he’s done don’t get me wrong I love these idiots but I really think we could be looking elsewhere for good queer/bi rep fgdgkjg

[bratz-kitten]

ASTRO OBSERVATIONS [part 5]

— people with jupiter in the 8th may experience an “abundance” of traumatic experiences throughout life, often relating to death; these are the people who truly feel like everyone they love ends up dying. at their worst, they can become desensitized to death— jupiter is ruled by sagittarius, a sign known for being in denial when in difficult situations in favor of optimism. these natives can pretend like nothing actually happened, or minimize the situation in their head so that they don’t have to face it.

— okay this might be a weird one... like, you know in asoiaf when arya was walking through the streets and was always like “i’m as quiet as a shadow”? that’s literally the energy of someone with planets in the 12th house/chart ruler in the 12th house. these people are so stealthy. they’re able to move so quietly and without anyone noticing, both literally and figuratively. on one hand, they’re very quiet about their plans and ambitions to the point where other people only find out when they’re achieving success over it; on the other hand, they just. don’t like making noise while walking idk bitch you’ll only see me coming when i’m right beside you, i even get paranoid that i’m breathing too loud and that other people will hear 

— people with moon aspecting mars can be incredibly impulsive when they feel hurt or triggered. yall need to be careful with doing things in the heat of the moment that you know you’ll regret later... but in the moment, you feel so hurt that it clouds your rational side. please be more self-aware about this because you may make decisions that will directly affect you for the worse in the future 

— people with leo mars ft. constantly asking you for pictures... about anything. they just wanna SEE LMFAO THEY DON’T CARE WHAT IT IS THEY’RE SEEING. you just got ready to go out? “send pics of your makeup and your full outfit”. you’re waiting in a long boring line to get the covid vaccine? “send pics of the line”. your mom baked cake? “send pics of the cake”. plus they send so many random pictures while texting, it’s their special love language

— having moon conjunct moon/venus in synastry feels insane. you tell them something you’ve been through, and they’re immediately like “that happened with me as well.” it doesn’t even have to be something grand, sometimes just very specific things you thought were particular about you. the amount of understanding that comes with this aspect in synastry can feel very new and intense especially if you’re used to seeing yourself as the “odd one out”, used to feeling isolated in your experiences 

— people with pluto in the 1st house often feel the need to erase “traces” of their existence, for example deleting messages that they sent people, deleting all of their social media posts. they can feel anxious and paranoid about other people having access to their past self, even if the past self in question is from, like. a week ago 

— people with chiron in the water houses (4th/8th/12th) might’ve suffered bullying to the point where they repress their memories. a lot of their memories of their school years may feel foggy if they were bullied in those years

— also. people with chiron in the 8th house may feel as though they’ve been punished for wanting to experience intimacy. it’s like, the people who were supposed to be the closest to them – for example, their sibling or something – were the ones who hurt them the most. 

— people with mercury-neptune aspects and strong pisces/neptune energy in their birth chart might struggle with only remembering things when they’re right in front of them. you should keep things in your peripheral vision to remind you of reality, especially when it comes to feelings— so that you won’t start getting lost inside your own head. like... keep the letters your friends wrote you by your bedside table so you can read them every time your brain starts convincing you that you’re not loved. keep the gifts you’ve been sent on display in your bedroom wall, or sentimental material things that remind you of past happy experiences.

— earth placements and their thing for asmr... omfg. it’s like they’re always looking for things to up their sensory experience/sensitivity. like, earth signs are the ones most connected to worldly experiences so they feel so soothed with the whole asmr experience: just hearing someone gently whispering or tapping on/scratching things calms them down and helps them fall asleep. they love the tingles it’s heaven for them

— moon-saturn aspects might hold and caress themselves while they sleep because their parents never did. yes i woke up and chose violence <3 your secret is NOT safe with me 💋

— while we’re on the topic of sleeping, a majority of the pisces moons i know need to sleep while hugging something, at least a pillow. they can’t just not hug something while they sleep, it’s very instinctive for them. anyways if any pisces moon needs a pillow to hold, i volunteer as tribute 💋

— virgo placements feel sososo soothed by hearing their cats purr. thinking about how my virgo placement friends are always the ones who send me videos of them petting their cats... and then i get soothed by how soothed they feel. it’s a win win situation, if you have virgo placements it’s hereby your duty to send me a video of you petting your cat while they purr. right now. GO

— people with gemini in the 3rd house might have shaky movements of the hands when other people look at them doing things. very specific i know but the third house rules hands and gemini is a sign that has somewhat of an anxious, twitchy quality to it. on the other hand, people with capricorn in the 3rd house (scorpio risings, using whole signs) have the steadiest hands i’ve ever seen lol their movements ooze confidence, these bitches know how to make you feel as thought they know exactly what they’re doing

— people with venus in the 1st house ft. altering their pics with photoshop and hating posting selfies without filters because they never feel like their appearance is good enough. stop it. you don’t need to always look your best and especially not if your ‘best’ isn’t even what you actually look like. also... don’t even think about making self-deprecative jokes about your appearance. next time i find one of yall saying “ahaha im not bad for a 5 without talent” i’m squishing your head between 2 pieces of toast and calling you an idiot sandwich. you’re BEAUTIFUL 

— having venus in the 3rd house in composite with someone? do you mean calling each other the absolute ugliest nicknames in the most endearing way? 

— leo deals with themes of the ego, and it seems that leo placements often struggle with attracting narcissistic people into their life... leo suns/mercuries can be raised by loud, overbearing, narcissistic parents who see their kid as an extension of themselves and who teach the kid to always be very supportive and caring towards them or else they’ll deny them of words of affirmation-- either by insulting them to shatter their self-esteem or simply never complimenting the kid back. leo moons/mars/venus tend to attract narcissistic partners who only care about serving their own emotional needs and ignore the ones of their partner, and who feed off of their supportive and giving nature. which is why leo placements really need to watch out for being gullible, naïve and dismissing the red flags because my god, you be falling for some shady people. 

— people with personal planets in the 12th house/chart ruler in the 12th house might feel like they can’t let go of their past life— they may dream of memories, people or places from another life. it’s like they can’t detach from it, and even if they can’t directly remember their past life, it’s like they feel it in their bones. also, they might’ve felt... estranged from their family ever since childhood; there may have been feelings of being unable to emotionally connect to their (often, distant) parents, and they might’ve even wondered if they were adopted because of how different they felt to the rest of the family. 

— okay so, a thing that people with saturn in the 3rd house need to look out for is mentally checking out of conversations while they’re still happening. these people can detect when they’re being manipulated really fast and their way of dealing with it can be to immediately shut down, to grow cold and silent and not even bother answering when you’re expected to respond. and, like, that’s great when someone starts screaming at you or being insulting/trying to coerce you into shit, but take notice if you find yourself shutting your loved ones out as soon as they say anything that triggers you. don’t simply detach from them, communicate what’s wrong

— aries placements, ESPECIALLY aries suns and moons, value generosity so much and they get so turned off by stingy ppl who don’t share with others, especially when others need it. like.. if you’re hanging out in a group with them and someone asks for a bite of your food because they have no money and you say no... espect them to never respect you. ever. 

— people with libra placements use soooo many adjectives to describe things. something can’t just be beautiful, it has to be DIVINE and CELESTIAL and INTOXICATING. they can be so expressive god it’s so fcking funny 

— capricorn placements HATE asking others for advice because they think no one knows better than them (and they’re not wrong, lol). when they truly care for someone, they might ask the person for advice simply as a sign that they respect, trust and value their judgement. even if they don’t plan on taking it LMFAO 

— people with mars in a water sign can have this terrible habit of expecting other people to guess what they want. and then they get passive agressive when you don’t instinctively feel what it is they want... and when you ask them “do you want this?”, they go like “FINALLY. i thought you’d never get there”. stop it. i know that you want people to understand you in a way that transcends words, but you can’t expect people to read your mind and then get disappointed when they don’t, thinking “oh if they loved me that much then they would’ve known that i really want chipotle for dinner :(” GIRL WHAT. COMMUNICATE YOUR NEEDS  

[bemylord]

being their girlfriend/dating them

or they're as your boyfriend

character: sukuna, itadori, nanami, satoru, megumi.

warnings: fluff to smut hdc, curse words, kinda rough and soft boys + sukuna.

note: or they're as your boyfriend/dating them

ꜱᴜᴋᴜɴᴀ ʀʏᴏᴍᴇɴ

i don't think he'd call it relationship or love. just the bond that binding you're together. he also doesn't talkative a lot, he prefers to show you his feelings in actions.

as long as itadori is searching fingers, you'll exist in his domain, being the slave and queen in one time. he'd praising and teach you new techniques, but also may use your body as he wants it.

praising to the degradation - generally, nothing new. if you had been bad either you did something on purpose, there will be no mercy for your body and throat - the king knows the way to punish you.

the cute thing is when you are exhausted from the little practice sukuna does in his small domain: breath had been taken away and your body is sweating. all you want is a little break to catch your breath. despite his selfish and demolished nature, he gives you some time in his lap to debilitate your sluggish body. your arms are wrapping around sukuna's neck by accident - it may seem he doesn't give a damn about it, but he pulls you by the waist, put your head on his athletic chest, and have you in arms 'till you'll wake up.

'you are too weak, brat, more energy, put more fury on me, or did you forgotten that i'm the fucking king of this world?' he laughed, knocking off your attacks. he's got a god complex and perfection. 'i'm getting stronger each second, sukuna, don't make yourself as a god'

you are the one he lets talk like that. being tremendously gentle with you is hard for him - he still being rough and could inflict damage, although, after pain, the king will take affection aftercare. but don't think he would murmur some sweat stuff in your ears, just spooning you is enough.

ꜱᴀᴛᴏʀᴜ ɢᴏᴊᴏ

master of the aftercare. sensei of the smooch and teacher of how to cuddle a person. he's good at those things. you never complain of how warm and strong satoru's arms wrapping your waist and his lips are kissing the back of your neck. after rough sex gojo would make an apology with soft kisses all over your figure.

cute fights in the kitchen while cooking. satoru is very needy and sometimes, he could be clingy for your attention, trying to get it whenever he wants to feel your body. even fight doesn't stop him - gojo would fight back and hitting on you.

show everyone that you're taken by him by marks he left on your soft skin last night. satoru would give you an order to dressing a shirt which will show his label on your body - wanna get a punishment? disobey the order; sure, later, you will regret it. however, it will be somewhere in the future, so you do mind disobey him?

whisper on his ear how long you've been craving for his fat dick in your dripping pussy and satoru would stop everything he did later, just to bury his cock deep into you, feeling the outlining of his member in your stomach. it's driving him insane when his fat dick rearranging your insides. no words could describe emotions in his soul when you're scratching his back whilst satoru is doing the pulsative movements inside you. 'does it feel good, kitten, doesn't it? feeling my cock in your little tummy, my god.. put your hand on the lower abs to perceive it' 'satoru~, i-i won't take any longer, give me that~' how could he disobey the order of his little angel?

gojo would degrade you only you've got the bad attitude. at other times - you may hear as he repeats the words 'you're so fucking amazing, kitten' he's hazing at the throbbing feeling in his cock you've been giving him.

ɪᴛᴀᴅᴏʀɪ ʏᴜᴊɪ

he's so much loves to play games and dancing with you when he has the time to do that - you'll play all games he bought for those evenings when both of you are playing fools and being kids. he may act like a kid around you, but trust me, he isn't good while railing you.

there's no door named exit while he's eating your out. yuji will apologize for not being close when you want to cuddle him or smack your lips against his. his apologies are mostly his head between your legs and his fingers in your cunt, stretching your walls, preparing you for the night. he makes sure you're enough dripping for his throbbing cock. it gives me a vibe that he'll overstimulated your little clit only with his tongue.

having you in missionary position, leaving the half-moon on your hips, unquenchably fucking your overdose cunt filled up with your juices. but you know itadori adores when you're squirting on his dick, shuddering while giving the huge release. 'that's right, beautiful, give your daddy all juices you've got' his words make you squirt one more time when he's finishing on your chest. quick series of spanking on your cunt and you're melting definitively by him.

but most of the time, you're both doing silly stuff that bothering megumi a lot. actually, you've got a game 'who's bothered megumi first'. it's fun to watch how he's activating shikigami dogs. you're idiots, although happy idiots.

ɴᴀɴᴀᴍɪ ᴋᴇɴᴛᴏ

daddy issues. daddy vibes and daddy chill. you've got no choice but to obey every order he told you to do. no way to escape and no way not being fucked to him if you did have time to do his tasks. his big and strong hands pulling your hair back, so you arch your back, feeling his breath in your ear. scream as loud as you can, 'till you reach the high note you could - he won't stop it.

sweat aftercare in the shower where nanami is washing your hair for you, also massaging your shoulders and kissing your stomach sort of excuses for being too extremely rough with you. but you knew he won't be soft, the language of his sex life is rough and painful. but the aftercare is worth having bruises the next morning around your neck.

nanami is an obsessive and dominant lover, he would mark you as his baby girl, his property, and the woman he's seeing his future with. even if you've got powerful and strong abilities nanami still doesn't allow you to battle the curse. think whatever you want to - he doesn't like the thought of having your dead body in his arms. he doesn't like the thought his small girl would have injuries from the demon.

nanami will show his love in action rather than words. you've got an unspoken rule to kiss your partner when they're tired of the work or giving a good morning/goodnight kiss. even if you're sleeping, nanami kisses your forehead before going to work. nothing could stop him from the morning kiss. you baked warm goods before he returns from the office or battle tired and having no strength. he fucking loves your baked bun.

after work, you make a warm bath for him, where he can loosen his body, burying his face in your hair. 'sweetie, i love you so much, so-so-so much. with you i can enervate myself and get lost in your smell, wrapping arms around your waist, feeling like it's my private heaven'

ᴍᴇɢᴜᴍɪ ꜰᴜꜱʜɪɢᴜʀᴏ

i've got a feeling he'd be an overprotective boyfriend. doesn't leave you alone with itadori for the reason he's a vessel for sukuna - don't treat him weird, he trusts itadori, but not sukuna. doesn't like when you interrupting his battle using your abilities because it's making him think about implications.

doesn't show his affection among other students because doesn't like being called a clingy or needy puppy. nevertheless, pulling you closer by your waist to show everyone to fuck away from you. megumi would not hesitate to kiss you with a tongue in front of the students to show them you're taken and your man is crazy.

megumi is more like a homeboy. every time you're alone or having time to spend together, you'll be stuck in his arms 'till you both need to go back to the sorcerer-life. cuddling and smooching are his life - in the bathroom, while you're cooking, watching tv-shows, he's arms around your body, therefore megumi is telling sweet nothings in your ear.

sex life with megumi? complicated question. would be bad and good simultaneously. i still have a thought he'd tied you up and use a flogger on your booty for spanking and preparing your pussy for his dick - it was passed on by his genes [wtf his father omg]. makes you squirt a couple of times, also makes you beg for his fat cock before pull it inside unexpectedly. using a collar with a chain to arch your back 'till it crunches and you moaned because megumi literally choking you.

only god knows how much megumi has kinks for you. how much energy he has to rail you all night and be able to continue that after the sun is illumining the room. 'you're dirty little slut, the rays of the sun in our room, and you still have the energy to squirt' degrading you during coitus and praising you in his muscular arms after.

//~~//

fuck. i was planning to post kuroo x reader x kenma but i deleted my work [by fucking accident i hate myself] that i had been writing since morning. sooo, I'll post it tomorrow. so sorry for the grammar mistake i was writing it on my phone.

[charthanry]

Ohm (or perhaps P'Aof?) mentioned that the scene where Pat cries after learning that the whole feud was his Dad's fault they did different takes. I remember it was two more reactions, but right now I can only remember Pat being angry and shouting... I feel you have such good insight on the characters I wonder how you'd imagine that scene going if another emotion that sad disappointment was portrayed, and if you may dven have preferred it?

Let me first start off by saying that your ask sent me down a deeeeep rabbit hole trying to track down the original quote. I scoured through months’ worth of twitter posts and retweets because I remember reading it there. I thought it was one of the scriptwriters who said it and then maybe Ohm retweeted it, but perhaps I was wrong, or the tweet has since been deleted or is too deep in the BBS tweet vault by now. All of this is to explain why it’s taken me ages to respond to your ask. It is such a GREAT question and has been sitting in my drafts forever because I wanted to really give it the time and attention it deserves.

Knowing what we know now that this scene was one of the first scenes they filmed due to the pandemic and actor availability, makes it all that more jaw-dropping what they were able to accomplish here. All the players involved were able to convey their characters’ emotions so, so well despite not having lived with these characters for long. 

Actors can talk about doing their pre-filming homework all they want, but when the time comes to don their character’s skin not many can pull off this feat without really honing their craft and calling on their commitment to the role, but these actors hit it out of the park on their first attempts. We’re talking not only the seasoned adult actors here, but Ohm Pawat who shouldered the emotional weight of this scene. For all intent and purposes, the supporting actors had to play off of what Ohm brought to the table; it would not have worked otherwise. He was the emotional anchor of this entire thing. It starts and ends with Ohm. So, while everyone was amazing, we’ll focus on Ohm’s performance for this analysis. 

I’ve said in my favorite Pat moments that this may be one of my favorite crying scenes of Ohm’s of the entire series, because of how raw and honest and understated it is. There are a lot of different ways that this scene could have gone, which brings us here to your wonderful ask.

I have a feeling this is going to be LONG (are you even surprised?) so will continue this after the cut to save everyone’s dashboards.

Pat being angry and violent would have been a CINEMATIC EXPERIENCE. We all know Ohm is more than capable of unleashing the anger. And I really hope they release this cut with the DVD boxset for us at some point. Do I feel like we missed out on seeing Ohm get shouty and physical with his dad? YES. Do I think it should have been the final take? NO. Because, for Pat, it would have been reactionary, and he would have regretted it later after he sat with it for a while, and we don’t want that for him. He’s a good boy and doesn’t deserve to carry around the guilt of becoming violent with his dad ON TOP of his ancillary guilt to Pran and Dissaya for Ming’s past actions.

We also already got a taste of an angry outburst from Pat in front of the supermarket albeit much more sanitized due to the public setting. And even then, it was more reactionary to Ming pushing Pran and less to do with Pat’s feelings towards his father. We’ve also seen Pat violent and at his breaking point in EP5. What we haven’t seen before this moment is small and vulnerable Pat. 

Even during his rooftop confession to Pran, while he was vulnerable, Pat was not small. Even with the uncertainty of Pran reciprocating, Pat still stood confident in his feelings and presented himself to Pran saying this is me at my most vulnerable standing in front you. Here I am, all of me. I want you to know that I missed you when you were away. It was lonely for me without you here. I’ve realized recently that I don’t want to be friends, and maybe I’ve known all along that I could never be just friends with you and I’m going to show you exactly why that is, so stop me if you don’t want this. And he leans in to kiss him. No, Pat was not small in this moment. He knew what he wanted and proceeded to tell and show Pran exactly that. He didn’t hold himself back or shrink inside of himself.

But in the EP10 scene where Pat asks his dad in that quiet, breaking voice – this is Pat reverting back to a small child standing in front of his titan of a father, whom he admires and looks up to, asking if this was all his doing. He’s asking whether the entirety of his life was shaped the way it was because his dad carried around this guilt and rather than face it, decided to double down on it. He’s asking if his childhood and life up to this point was solely based on his father’s displacement and avoidance of his wrongdoings. What’s more, he’s not even accusatory in his tone, there’s no raised voice and demanding how could you do this to me. It’s more of a quiet why, why did this have to be the only way? Why did it have to be me paying for your mistakes?

Even already knowing the answer, there’s a part of Pat that wants his dad to deny that any of this is true, that all his admiration for his father was not marred by selfishness. He wants to be told that he misunderstood, that he heard wrong even though he knows the answer already. At this moment, he’s just a kid standing in front of his father pleading with him to tell him what he wants to hear. To piece back together his shattered ideals. And damn if that’s not a gut punch, one that he never even saw coming. The kind that leaves internal wounds that you can’t see. The kind of pain that rearranges your insides. The intensity of Pat’s disappointment is so well portrayed by Ohm’s understated performance that you feel it sharply, so much so that it stays with you long after the scene ends.  And we would have missed out on all of this if P’Aof had chosen to go with the violent route.

And even after his dad wordlessly walks away, Pat stays and listens to what his mom says, he doesn’t storm off. I think this is telling that it’s not anger that Pat feels, he’s beyond angry. It’s betrayal, made worse at the hands of his hero. It’s a deep and profound sadness for himself and Pran. Even after hearing his mom’s excuses about it being a different time and how much pressure Ming was under, Pat’s outburst isn’t out of anger, it’s from frustration that he’s had to carry all of this weight that had nothing to do with himself or Pran. And can’t his mom see that? Can’t she see what it’s done to him? And to Pran? It fucking hurts, ma. Aren’t you and dad supposed to be the adults here? Isn’t it your JOB to shield us from this kind of suffering? Only then does he leave to go look for Pran, because he wants to tell him immediately that he’s sorry for everything.

Even after finding Pran on their rooftop, Pat setting aside his own devastation to care for Pran cuts us so much deeper knowing that it’s coming from a place of raw sadness rather than anger. It makes us feel that much more for Pat’s silent tears and him holding himself back for Pran. Anger instead, would have felt like he was putting a temporary hold on his emotions whereas sadness feels like he’s silently suffering along with Pran only he doesn’t want Pran to see it. He doesn’t want to add to Pran’s already heavy burden so just quietly breaks while remaining solid and steady for Pran. And it’s both beautiful and tragic and speaks to Pat’s emotional endurance.

I think P’Aof made the correct choice here. The sadness, the heart-wrenching disappointment, the cracked voice lent itself to the moment while a violent outburst would have been satisfying to see for sure, I’m not sure if the payoff would have stayed with us as long as the sad take did. I also think a violent response would have affected what we saw in EP11. In the aftermath of yelling and being physical with his dad, Pat would not have been in the right frame of mind to let everything go for Pran. I think it would have tainted their time at the beach. It would have been less about them making the choice to be there and more about avoiding the fallout with their parents. 

All said, going with the sad and disappointed take aligns with everything we already know about Pat, that while impulsive, he still deeply cares about those around him. He places the burden on himself rather than others. Even years later, when we know his relationship with his father is strained, Pat still puts on a happy front for his mom, his sister, and even his dad – he remains the dutiful son he’s expected to be.  And that’s by choice. Pat is a good boy. And like the theme of the show, he doesn’t let the toxicity of others change that about him.

All of this proves how endlessly versatile Ohm is, to be able to give P’Aof options on emotional takes. We were blessed to have Ohm portray Pat. I’ve said this before, but this role in any other actor’s hands would have been very, very different. It’s difficult to even imagine another Pat not helmed by Ohm. Instead, we have our Pat who is wholly himself, eternally giving, and so incredibly easy to root for. Even in the midst of his disappointment and sadness, we hurt for him but are still so proud of him for taking the higher moral ground. And for ultimately turning out to be a better human than those who raised him. 

[yeolmae-s]

a chanbaek analysis from a veteran exo-l (part 2)

CLICK HERE TO READ PART ONE

Writing this was a bit harder in comparison to the first part, because I wanted to organize things into a neat timeline, but I ended up not having enough patience for it lol specially because both of ChanBaek's main archive blogs seem to have deleted their pages documenting each date of EXO's early years. Therefore I apologize in advance if this part is a bit more messy. Also, please don't forget that all of this is my opinion and I don't mean for any of it to be taken as truth!

I kind of want to jump from MAMA era directly into Wolf era, since we don't really have a lot of cover regarding their debut phase besides Chanyeol's overeagerness and Baekhyun's awkwardness towards it, so to sum it up, I felt as if Chanyeol was more confident and consistent on what he thought an idol should act like, while Baekhyun (sweet, innocent Baekhyun who was a trainee for less than a year!) was still unsure on how to act on camera.

On the few early variety shows/interviews EXO appeared on, the members always pointed out how funny Baekhyun was, how good he'd be at variety and at doing imitations, but he never really lived up to all the praise on camera, although off of it, he most likely was as good as his members claimed.

He was a bit stiff on his early days in comparison to what we see today, and that's normal, I guess, since he debuted really quickly, but when you compare him to Chanyeol the contrast is so interesting, because the latter was able to latch on to a persona as soon as the public gave him one, while to me, Baekhyun was still doubtful regarding what to put on display. In the end, deep inside, Baekhyun is a private person, and was even more so when he wasn't confident enough to talk to fans like he does today.

Once again, I’m sorry for not being able to upload the gifs directly into the post, so I’ll just link them like I did on my last one.

This is another one of the moments where Baek appears to tell Chanyeol to just. Hold on for a bit.

There's another one similar to this where Chanyeol does the same thing (try to whisper on Baekhyun's ear) and Baekhyun fake laughs and stares at a fan's camera right after. Then, his expression just goes blank. It's really interesting to watch because you can just see the gears spinning on Chanyeol's brain as he stares at Baekhyun for a second and clearly thinks alright, fanservice time, and leans in to whisper something: it happens so fast you just know it wasn't genuine whispering, just a playful interaction for the fans, and Baekhyun's direct stare to the camera as soon as it happens just confirms this for me. 

1: Chanyeol spots his target.

2: He’s really thinking this through.

3: Baek's in a perfect position for whispering-time, so he leans in and does his thing.

4: Baekhyun laughs.

5: And stares directly at a fan's camera.

6: Immediately regrets his life choices. Chanyeol looks pleased.

It's actually better to watch the whole thing, so I'll leave it here. (starts on 0:28!)

(Random note: on this date EXO perfomed a cover of H.O.T's We Are The Future, and I feel like a lot of new EXO-Ls have not seem it and I adore this performance, so I'll link it here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=r1-z4s3fdgo)

Now let's jump on to Wolf era, shall we?

Wolf era

I can't help but laugh when I think about how wild 2013 was for both EXO and EXO-Ls. They had their first hit song (which was Growl, not Wolf) the fandom grew considerably, shippers where just discovering the cute ISAC moments between "BaekYeol" and "HunHan"... Or at least that's how everyone remembers most of what happened during that year.

Are we forgetting the rumoured ChanBaek fight?

Considering their past interactions on airports, SMTOWN concerts, ISAC and other events, ChanBaek was now widely known to be close to each other. Baekhyun even said Chanyeol was the one who made him open up, and both of them mentioned feeling this "connection" to each other as soon as they met (although jokingly).

After Mama, the fandom was content-less for a considerable period of time, and what most people did was sharing around old performances and repeat overused memes.  I think that in every fandom there is a period where fans establish their main inside jokes and basically just get together to create a collective line of thought for perceiving their idols. That being said, one of the most well established facts in the fandom was that Chanyeol and Baekhyun were close. That was a fact.But then Wolf came, and they suddenly were not. 

This gif is a good example of how awkward their interactions were. Not even my delusional shipping brain in 2013 was able to come up with an explanation for it.

They simply did not acknowledge each other at all, and Chanyeol appeared to be closer to Kyungsoo (I think Baekhyun interacted a lot with Tao, but that may have been during the Growl era, not Wolf. As I said before, I'm a Chanyeol stan guys, sorry lmao).

Point is, these two boys who seemed to be best friends suddenly were clearly distant from one another.

What added fuel to the fire of the rumours was their appearance on Sukira, a radio show, where Sehun cried because the members sometimes had fights. Here's a fanacc:

[130530] EXO at Sukira

Sehun cried because the members sometimes fight.

Sehun: "Let's be loyal to each other, don't fight, and go until the end"

D.O: "We've been under a lot of stress lately because of the comeback, so I wish we won't fight in the future and do our best"

Here's a video cut of this part of their interview. 

I think this ask on lets-talk-baekyeol, a popular ChanBaek analysis blog from back in the day, shows how curious a lot of fans were.

What happened back then?

There's really no answer for that. On my opinion, not even Chanyeol or Baekhyun could give us a concrete answer on it, because I don't think an actual fight happened. For me, it was most likely a personality clash, a disagreement that probably wasn't even voiced out loud, just both of them noticing how uncomfortable things got, if Baekhyun's reactions to Chanyeol's fanservice is any indication. I somehow doubt there was a specific episode that created this distance between them, specially because during Growl, they went back to being friends, although not as touchy on camera as before, as if one of them had established their limits (oh, I wonder who!), but I still have this feeling that all of this was unspoken, because unspoken things seem to be a pattern on ChanBaek's relationship (something I'll touch on later, hopefully).

But it was during Growl era that I noticed something else about Baekhyun.

Wolf era

EXO'S Showtime was a such a gift. I recommend reading lets-talk-baekyeol's blog for this. I don't really agree with everything they say they do present a lot of relevant points. I may repeat them here, since I noticed them myself as well, but credits for them nonetheless.

I remember finding the lack of ChanBaek interactions during the episodes really dissappointing, but considering the Wolf Era drought, this was better than nothing.

My 13 year old self was devastated when Baekhyun appeared so quiet during Chanyeol's birthday episode, and during a recent rewatch of it, I think realized why.

Baekhyun doesn't like superficial things. It's not that Chanyeol is insincere, but he's just better than Baekhyun is at handling people pleasing, even when he doesn't really mean what's he saying/doing. The Chanyeol birthday episode was heavily centered on Chanyeol's random admiration for Kai, which I think we can all agree that it was a little bit scripted or a really spur of the moment thing that they just ran along with and oh man. Baekhyun did not want to be part of it.

During ChanKai's hug, this is what he looked like on the background, and the poor boy even refused to eat cake. He's just in the back, which is weird, because he's such a talkative person and Chanyeol is one of his closest friends. The only moment where he seems to be genuinely comfortable is when Chanyeol blows the candle and it's really cute. To me, it seems that he was kind of embarrassed to witness so much acting from everyone else and was unable to participate because he struggles with things like this, but the moment Chanyeol blows his candles to comemorate his birthday seems sincere enough for him to fondly smile.

This ties in so well with everything from Mama Era. He's just unable to keep acting/people pleasing on the same easy way that Chanyeol does, but this time he's not as nervous about it as he was on his earlier-early days, where he probably felt pressured to actually do stuff. Now he just doesn't do **it, he just doesn't do something that he dislikes doing, and that sadly creates a distance between them on camera and probably on a deeper level in their relationship as well, because both are just realizing how different their perceptions over their jobs is.

There's also this moment that the mods on lets-talk-baekyeol pointed out.

On the Christmas episode, when the members leave the couch to go get their presents, Chanyeol stays seated while Baekhyun gets up to fetch his. This is the sitting arrangement before (almost) everyone got up:

But when Baekhyun comes back, there's free space next to Chanyeol, however he's hesitant to sit by his side. He actually hesitates and doesn't sit down. Jongdae even gives him a little push right after.

Baek just seems hesitant to do things on camera, to interact with Chanyeol in front of an audience. For this moment, I feel like he's afraid to sit next to Chanyeol and end up having to over act. It's not that Chanyeol himself makes him uncomfortable, but the image of the friendship that they ended up creating for fans demands a lot from him.

And when I say hesitant to do things on camera, I really do mean it, because when Baekhyun thinks he is not being recorded/seen, here's what he does:

Here and here.

Their relationship clearly changed, and I think the reason for it is actually simple: both of them were under the impression that they were compatible with each other when they actually were not. Their personalities are extremely different, even if the way they present themselves is sometimes similar. Wolf and Growl era was our way, as fans, of watching them navigate around each other and finding out how their relationship was supposed to work.

And you know what's nice about that? The members watched all of it unfold. Their reactions to some of ChanBaek's interaction is a gold mine when it comes to analyzing them, because they clearly know, just as we do, that their relationship is kind of complicated. But I want to talk about it on the next part.

I am sorry for cutting this off again! I don't know if the next part is going to be the last, because after Growl there's Overdose and we all know what happened on 2014 [coughs] dating scandal [coughs] god help me I don't want to talk about it [coughs] so there's a lot to uncover and I need time to organize stuff.

Thank you for reading!