#maybe im just a lazy waste of a person

[sniffin-the-infusion]

absolutely insane response to me saying i dont play with assholes lmfao

[theood]

Lol

[ashton-sano]

Blue Lock Characters in: Being Jealous

(Characters Inclu.: Yoichi Isagi, Meguru Bachira, Seishiro Nagi, Reo Mikage, Chigiri Hyoma)

Trying to get into the habit of posting more often, so have these headcanons. A Bit short but I hope you enjoy

Yoichi Isagi

-Somehow the worst one on this list

-He's likely to give the nastiest glare to whoever you're wasting your time with (of course when you arent looking)

-Post Blue lock Isagi is kinda the same, Just a lot less subtle. curses and maybe a fight or two if its Kaiser. 

"That blonde asshole has no place talking to you, you're mine.."

-Don't be alarmed, he's unlikely to take his jealously out on you

-Unless you're teasing him on purpose, then he might get a bit agitated with you

- "My dear, I'm not too fond of how you let him touch you just then, please stop that."

 

-He's a two way street, either a sweetheart who tries to dodge around it or a straight maniac who will plot murdering whoever it is.

    -Nothing to mistake, he isnt brainless, so theres always a chance he wont care

-He's mostly secure in your relationship with him but could use reassurance in times like that

Meguru Bachira 

-Relatively tame for the most part

-If anything, he may get clingier

-He honestly doesnt even acknowledge the person youre talking to at first, he's too invested in you

"Oh, Baby! You busy today? I wanted to try this- hm? Oh, you're talking to someone...? Anyway, its this cool bakery I saw, we should try it!"

-If you aren't giving him your attention, that's when he'd get pouty

-He's a child at heart, naturally he's gonna get upset if you aren't paying him mind, no matter the reason

"Babyyyyyyy, gimme attention...! I dont care who youre talking to, love me!"

-Its cute so you usually give him his way and stop what youre doing

       

     --> Little do you know, he does it on purpose because it always works

-Definitely a michevious little bumblebee

Seishiro Nagi 

-Another rather tame one

-Hard to tell if he even cares with how lazy and laid back he is 

-It usually never bothers him since he does trust you 

"Hm? Your friend asked to hang out today? Sounds cool.." 

-Like Bachira, he only cares when it cuts into your time with him, now its something of note for him

-How could you leave your boyfriend for some lame hangout? Playing Video games with him is much more important

"You want me to get off..? No...Not until you promise you'll stay and hang out with me..."

-Please just stay, he might actually cry if you leave (he wont, but it always gets you because you believe him)

     ->A 6'2" babi, why wouldnt you want to give him what he wants?

- Eventually he makes you forget why you were trying to leave in the first place

Reo Mikage

-Have you seen how he gets with Nagi? Safe to say he wont be very happy

-As mad as he'd be, I doubt he'll make sure you see that

-All smiles and grins when you look at him, what do you mean you swear you saw him scowl at the guy behind you? You're just seeing things love

 

"Dove, who's this? A..friend? Ah, well im sure we'll get along well, real well...."

-We all know how privledged he is, he would be appauled that you want time with anyone besides him, what could they give you that he cant?

-Granted, he wouldnt give it much thought at first but as you keep focus on this person, itll eat away at him more before he's pouting and begging for you to give him your undivided time

"C'mon Dove, how bout we go to that new cafe you were talking about, hm? No, im not trying to distract you, how could you say that..?"

(Thats definitely what hes doing)

-Eventually he'd bribe or sweet talk you into giving him what he wants 

    -"Dont ask about where that guy went, hes not important....Now lets go get some ice cream, yeah?"

-A tad creepy and overprotective but with all that money, who is to stop him?

Chigiri Hyoma

 The most tame on this list, and by a rather large margin too

-This pretty boy knows you'll eventually give him your attention, nothing to worry about

-If anything, he encourages you to allocate your time doing what you want and speaking to who you wish

-That can change if the person is too touchy with you, however

"Pretty sure they asked you to take your hands off, keep them to yourself."

 

-He trusts you entirely, its the people you hang around that can overstep and agitate him 

-Hence why he's almost always hanging out with you, your friends are his friends right? What better way to show them that you're happily taken then to bring your sweet, beautiful redhead with you?

"Going out sweetheart? Mind if i tag along? I mean only if you don't mind."

-Truly a man who knows his worth, but it would help if you told your especially pushy friends to mind their manners when he's around 

    -A few of them have actually attempted moves on him once or twice

-We stan a Pretty King 👑 

[rochenn]

hello!!! sorry if this is a personal ask, but i was wondering if you would be interested in talking about some of your region's language and dialect? its difficult to find information on specific demographics and how their dialects relate to the language overall, and im also in a lot of trouble with the german teacher crime syndicate and if i remain unable to roll an r they might get me - anon

Not personal at all! I'd love to talk about my dialect and I'm holding back from writing a whole essay about it rn :'D

If your German teachers make you roll your r they're either trying to make you sound Southern* or they're not even trying to teach you the uvular r. Neither one of these options is ethical. Standard German (TM) doesn't include rolled r sounds, the uvular r is way more common! I hear it's hard for Anglos to do, but just think of the k and g sounds - they get your tongue in the right position for that guttural non-rolled r :) (check this video, it explains pretty well)

I'm a Saxon speaker. This dialect has the same unfortunate connotations as deep Southern or Midwestern US accents; uneducated, bigoted, small-minded and all that, and it's considered unprofessional to speak it on the job (top 10 things that make me yearn for violence btw).

Anyway. Saxon my beloved!! It's very laid-back and fun. Whimsical, even. Your tongue kinda just stays at the back of your mouth, pronunciation is incredibly lazy, soften all the consonants. Since it's a Middle German dialect and not a High German one, some words are closer to English, too! Apfel becomes Appel, for example.

Saxon is also universally used when ppl satirize/mock East Germany or the entire region ig even though the dialects here are super diverse, too. And I'm not even from the state of Saxony but whoever drew the new state lines after the reunification had to have been WASTED cause wtf is Sachsen-Anhalt?? Whenever I open my mouth ppl just clock me as Saxon or maybe Thuringian but NEVER as Anhaltian.

Hope this helps, feel free to ask more! Good luck with your teachers 💥💥

[eundiarys]

CHAPTER 004. nice tall guy

⊹ pairing — choi yeonjun x fem! reader.

⊹ warnings — mature language (cursing), mentions of food

⊹ extended summary — not being to get over your highschool ex even after he broke your heart is horrible. it’s understandable though, especially since he was your first everything. but yn has decided that it’s time to get out of her shell and date again! lucky for her, there’s a perfect candidate for that as her company’s president son is head heels for her. but what if it doesn’t work? what if she still longs for the way he loved her? and what happens if he feels the same?

⊹ genre — fluff, angst, crack, socmed, non idol! au, academic rivals, enemies to lovers, highschool au (flashback), opposites attract, second chance romance, exes to lovers, etc.

“bitch, you better be joking…”

“what now, beomgyu?” chaewon groaned.

“yn invited us to come over and she has 0 stock of food.” wonyoung replies, taking another bite of her strawberry shortcake.

“oh god, here comes brother beomgyu”

“YN! i told you over and over again to always eat properly and always make sure you have enough food! i told you this atleast 50 times?”

“50 times too much.. i am going to go buy groceries right now” you replied, tying your hair up into a ponytail.

“ugh. i’ll go with you”

“thank you personal uber driver”

the whole ride to the store, you and beomgyu discussed of what you needed. you were planning to just buy some snacks for tonight to not waste his or your money.

but knowing beomgyu, he wouldn’t allow that. he would probably stock up your whole fridge.

after you arrived, you quickly left beomgyu to lock the cars and sprinted to the snacks aisle.

you saw chips that everyone in the group liked so you decide to buy it. but the problem is you can’t reach it. and you’re also too lazy yo go find beomgyu.

you tried your best to aim for it, tip toeing and jumping (which made eventually made you lose your breath).

sighing, you decide to just go find beomgyu.

that is until a tall guy arrived. impeccable timing!

you walked up to him. “excuse me? can you give me a hand?”

he looked at you, and you saw his eyes widened a bit. but he was wearing a mask so you couldn’t see his face. maybe he was just a bit surprised.

“oh um, sure. what do you need?”

“i want those chips right there but i can’t seem to reach it, i was gonna give up — but then you came into the aisle! so will you please please help me with it?

“oh uh… yeah”

he easily picked it up from the aisle and gave it to you. he quickly left the store after— making it impossible for you to thank him. maybe he was a celebrity?

you met up with beomgyu, then went to the cashier to pay. the worked was a girl with bright blonde hair.. she was gorgeous.

“here are your stuff! thank you for shopping with us!”

“yup, thank you”

you walked out with the goods, a smile plastered on your face.

“someone’s happy”

“of course~ thank you for paying beom~” you responded happily

“yeah yeah your welcome”

“oh and gyu?”

“uh-huh?”

“a really nice guy helped me with getting chips just now! im really happy he helped”

“you think everyone’s nice y/n”

“and what’s wrong with that? everyone should be given a chance don’t you think?”

“sure yn, but you know sometimes.. you gotta expect the unexpected.”

“whateverrr lets go home”

NAVIGATE HERE! ‧₊˚ previous — masterlist — next

© eundiarys 2023

jules notes 📝 short chapter but next chapter is the date!!!!!!!! 🤓 btw guess who the tall guy is (level : super hard)

taglist one — @zuyairus @ddeonudepressions @sserafimez @ox1-lovesick @reverbtunes @vernonweb @flwoie @ja4hyvn @xiaoderrrr @galaxyhalloes @j4y-lvr @taegyuul @trsrina @fairyytyunn @r7yu @taekwondoes @nshimura @pleasetellmenow @soobin-chois @jinsquishes @sakuzleaves @bomugf @eulris @haknom @tyunlatte @txtbrainrot @bluebearybeom @cherriegyu @snowfalltxt @boba-beom @ihrtjun @hyeinszn @suburbiataehyung @viagumi @impureperhaps @wonioml @lvrjjun @luvsoobs @strawbrinkofdeath @cecedrake2217 @soobswvrld @yenqa @tyunner @adajoemaya @captivq @cookiehaos @whippedforbeomgyu @2ynjns @forevrglow @hxked

[tearaez]

heyyy!!! anon from the dom taerae ask here, THANK U for blessing us w that gorgeous piece of writing like im blushing just thinking ab "i didn't mean to interrupt your meal, but i need to have mine", ur brain is so stunning for that

penny for ur thoughts on cockwarming w taerae? personally im thinking lazy day on the couch, alone in the dorms. ur sitting on his lap n he's j holding ur boobs in his big ass hands, chin on ur shoulder, lowkey ab to doze off, then The Urge to be in u hits him like a truck.... (just a suggestion tho... im gonna love anything u write regardless <3!!)

hi again anon ! (you're my fav don't tell anyone <3) so it's easier to keep track of your asks would you be so kind to give me an emoji so I can know it's you 😁

I agree with the idea that Taerae likes cockwarming on lazy days, but it normally takes a lot for him to convince you. He normally has to make a few promises and deals that he probably wouldn't make on any other day (or maybe he would) or he'd have to beg you, which you normally give in to. Who can say no to Taerae, I feel like it's a crime if you do. He tries his best not to be touchy, normally keeping his hands stationary until he feels the need to have more than just you on his lap.

smut drabble under the cut !

Taerae's favorite moment:

You both had woken up not too long ago, and Taerae was pretty exhausted from his schedules the day prior, so you had both agreed on a lazy day in bed. The tv was on and the both of you were cuddled together, until you noticed Taerae was blushing, and had been stealing glances in your direction. "Taerae? Are you okay? What's wrong?" You'd questioned, until you felt his hands run up and down your sides.

"Baby, please?" he whined, dragging out the 'e' in the word, but all you did was shake your head. "Taerae, it's too early in the morning to do that."

"Nono, baby I don't wanna do that..." he trailed off, hoping that you'd get the message he was trying to send, but to his dismay you didn't. "Then what would you want to do?" His eyes wandered as his hands went farther down, gently cupping your ass. "Just wanna be in you, that's it.."

The answer was obviously yes, who were you to say no to your boyfriend? You hummed, pretending to think as your arms went up to wrap themselves around him. "Hm, I think I might need some more convincing than that before I let you." You smiled, taking the chance to see what offers Taerae had this time, normally he offers to cook you breakfast or take you out to the park, he'd leaned in and whispered something in your ear, your face turning red immediately. "F-Fine." A wide smile spread on his face, wasting no time to pull your shorts and his jogger down. He peppered kisses around your face, using the distraction as an opportunity to push his length into you, a light mewl leaving your mouth.

"You seem to be enjoying this a little too much for someone who didn't seem on board with it at first." he teased, his arms wrapping themselves around you as he placed a kiss on your forehead. "hey, just stop talking and watch tv will you?"

Taerae just nodded, chuckling to himself whenever he'd squeeze your waist, your ass, occasionally your breasts, and he rested his head on your shoulder. As much as he wanted you both to have a nice lazy day, in reality he only lasted 30 minutes before he had other plans for the both of you. At least he kept his promise.

[flyingraijin]

VARIOUS CHARACTERS X READER

Dynamic: Loss of virginity au

Rating: Explicit - 18+ Only!

Status: Ongoing

Current Word Count: 49,748

ALL CHARACTERS ARE 18 YEARS OR OLDER!

All entries exist in the same au but are standalone - entries do not need to be read in order, however it is recommended.

Related Links: main masterlist + ao3  + series playlist

Summary: When the time is right and you're finally ready to give your first to the person you love.

(Or, alternatively; the My Hero characters fuck for the first time)

CHAPTER INDEX

Entry 01 | Silver On Forest Green

Pairing: Izuku Midoriya x AFAB!reader

Warnings: Swearing, virginity loss, oral (m+f receiving), mentions of masturbation, creampie, multiple orgasms, soft Izuku, hella unrealistic (this is not what a first time is like at all)

Summary: After dating Izuku for a while, you and he both feel ready to take the next step in your relationship.

(Or, alternatively; Izuku fucks for the first time)

Word Count: 7360

Release Date: 20 September 2021

Entry 02 | Sweet (Like Honey)

Pairing: Katsuki Bakugou x fem!reader

Warnings: Swearing, virginity loss, fingering, dry humping, cunnilingus,  creampie, multiple orgasms, no contraception mentioned, extremely unrealistic (seriously, this is not what losing your virginity is actually like)

Summary: When Katsuki finds out in the worst way possible that Deku is, in fact, not a virgin anymore, he takes matters into his own hands and decides to seek you out.  

(Or, alternatively; Katsuki fucks for the first time)

Word Count: 10 377

Release Date: 11 October 2021

Entry 03 | Body As A Temple

Pairing: Hitoshi Shinsou x fem!reader

Warnings: Insecurity, lot’s of self-doubt, swearing, smut, virginity loss, body worship, praise, vaginal fingering, cunniligus, creampie, vaginal penetration, use of “kitten”, use of “muffin”, slight soft dom!Shinsou, established relationship, this is not realistic, (please, don’t take notes)

Summary: You can hear them when they whisper behind their hands. Always. And it hurts as the doubt starts to kick in. But maybe, just maybe Shinsou knows how to help.

(Or, alternatively; Hitoshi fucks for the first time)

Word Count: 11 683

Release Date: 18 December 2021

Entry 04 | Sickly Sweet

Pairing: Hanta Sero x reader

Warnings: swearing, sickness, smut, virginity loss, multiple orgasms, oral (f + m receiving), a lil bit of dry humping, face-sitting, cunniligus, vaginal sex, a little bit of overstimulation, a teensy bit of pain, soooo fluffy (I really went overboard with this one bc im such a simp this man), pussy drunk sero, whiny sero

Summary: Being sick truly is an inconvenience, in almost every aspect of life. Especially so when you’re so close to graduation. But if your reward for getting well again is your boyfriend, Hanta, you suppose it might be worth falling ill more often...

(Or, alternatively; Hanta fucks for the first time)

Word Count: 15 606

Release Date: 22 January 2022

Entry 05 | Cookies ‘n Cream

Pairing: Shoto Todoroki x reader

Warnings: Forbidden romance, first time au, third year au, soft smut, hand jobs, vaginal fingering, unprotected sex

Summary: The rules have been clear for a long time; no messing around, no wasting time on anything that isn't trying to get to the top, and no Shoto Todoroki. At least, until school is over. Your parents have a lot of influence in the hero world, but once you've graduated, you're free from their control. And there's only one more night to wait. 

Only, you've never been the most patient person. And after years of hiding your feelings and your need for him, he's right there now, in your room, close enough to touch. 

(Or, alternatively; Shoto fucks for the first time)

Word Count: 12 440

Release Date: 09 July 2022

COMING SOON!!

Entry 06 | One Man’s Treasure

Pairing: Eijirou Kirishima x reader

Warnings: TBA

Summary: TBA

Word Count: TBA

Release Date: TBA

There’ll probably be more but I’m too lazy to think about them now

[bismuthburnsblue]

ok so!!! i revisited my work from yesterday, going in and properly blocking out the style lines and strap (still up for change as i get into better fabrics but this is a lot more representative of what they would actually look like now!) (though i am noticing ive set my hemline lower- even extending it on nora, when anne's is quite high, so ill have to see how comfortable i feel with that)

i also took a bit out of the hips on the ally pattern which definitely helped with the shape (i was really just being lazy not doing this, ive used this pattern before and had to do that, i knew it was gonna be an issue)

Theres more notes on my personal thoughts on both patterns below the cut :)

same cw's as before for body image stuff :) (maybe this is silly but i just feel far more comfortable putting warnings + a readmore for corsetry)

(also! i will be doing a post properly introducing this project soon :) ive got a lot i want to say!!)

First up! both of these patterns are by Aranea Black, pdfs of these patterns are still available online but her website is gone now)

Ally is a 6 panel corset with extreme hip spring- heres what the pattern looks like:

i do think the hip spring gives a really dramatic shape, but i do worry that with my upholstery weight faux leather, it just wont sit nicely. on this mock up i had to slit my entire seam allowance at the waist to make it not tuck too badly, and that means cutting my boning channel in half (i think, still deciding details like that) i cant really afford to waste fabric recutting panels if i sew it and it does tuck, either.

(Technically i do have the option available to me to do a twin stitch like Anne's original corset actually has, but this wouldnt be traditional, and wasnt in my plan (even if i wasnt gonna have the bones in the leather layer, i like the /look/ of felled channels on the outside.) a twin stitch however would probably negate most the tucking on the waist point, as it opens it up rather than folding to one side.)

Secondly, the one gripe i have about this pattern is that big line of wrinkles below the waist- now some of this will be from the fabric and it not being worn in, but the "daily wear" version of this corset ive made before still has some of these wrinkles even now, especially over the first hip spring panel. i know theres ways to adjust the fitting to counter the ones over the hip, but those i think are largely from the way the fabrics pulling around the curve- its covers such a large area its bound to pull a little weird in places. I really want a smooth look, a clean finish is the most important thing to me, and i worry no matter what i do they will still be there.

I will say, Ally has a lacing gap designed into the pattern, which is something i want, as Anne's corset has one, and it automatically gives you more leeway in the fit that patterns without it just dont have.

Nora on the other hand is 8 panels, with the hip spring spread across a much further space. On paper it looks much less dramatic, but theoretically should still hold a significant amount of shape, just distributed over more panels.

I guess that would be my first area of concern, that the shape just isnt quite as dramatic as the shape on Ally. i really want something quite striking for this project and though pattern modifications can be made, i was hoping to not have to do too much past simples changes.

The 8 panels also means this pattern will likely eat up more fabric. if nothing else, theres 4 extra sides of seam allowance that the other does not have (though, these pieces will nest together better, so it could end up being negligible) it is a concern however, as im working on a very tight yardage.

One of the immediate positives of this pattern however is the lack of that wrinkle band like Ally has. Since this is worn as an outer layer thats a huge point in its favour, a nice clean finish is basically the top of my requirements list.

Nora also has no lacing gap, which is an issue for the reasons mentioned above (annes costume has a lacing gap, but also lacing gaps give more leeway in the fit, allowing you to be a little tighter on some days than others.) Its possible to draft in a lacing gap relatively easily, but it is something i have to consider.

Its completely arbitrary, but i also feel like the way the strap joined onto this pattern was nicer- it lined up better with the pre existing panels and i think it'd join on as a continuous piece better. again, its extremely minor, i just think its cleaner with less fiddling on my end.

I think im still thinking the same way i was yesterday, that Nora is probably the pattern thats working better for me for this, but its still very up in the air for me. i feel like theres more pattern modifications to do there, but that its probably going to be worth doing the work? but i am definitely interested in what anyone else might think!

[nattyluvs]

CAFE CUTIE - chapter 19

"jaeyun, why is your little brother here?" you turned to look at him, seeing the boy on his shoulders, the usual smile on his face. even though jun was smiling hard, jake looked apologetic.o

"look im sorry, there was nobody to watch him at the house, so i had to bring him with me. he won't bother anyone or mess up anything."

"it's fine, don't stress about it. he's a good kid as far as i can tell so i know he won't destroy anything. he might as well help everyone." as you said this you thought, why didn't he just not come? watching his brother was more important than a setup and a lunch outing. you could've just had him help with the next school event.

"there's an outdoor and an indoor portion of the dance." you started to explain to him. there were too many students to fit inside the gym, and keeping food outside for hours isn't sanitary. "most of the photoshoot areas and the food will be inside the gym, and the dj setup will be outside."

he nodded at your words, listening very closely to each word you were saying. "we'll start in the gym first though, so we can hang up the banners and such."

suddenly another voice spoke up, "yn! can i help too?" jun asked, "of course you can! can you put these cups and plates on that table over there?" you pointed to one of the tables across the gym, as he followed with a small ok! as he walked further and further into the distance.

later, it was time for your little "date". you both went home to change into more appropriate clothes, rather than the lazy clothes you both were wearing to be comfortable.

you both met at a small sandwich shop a few minutes away from school, it was a popular weekday spot that students walk to after school, though it was usually quiet on the weekends. you had thought about applying for a job here, but you decided to wait unless the school workload became too much.

jake did offer to pick you up from your house, but you declined not wanting him to waste gas, since it was very pricey these days. luckily your aunt was kind enough to give you some money for gas every once in a while, not having to worry about it as much.

after you both met up inside the shop you decided to sit inside at a little table in the corner, both of you ready to eat your sandwiches due to the hunger you both built while setting up at school.

"jaeyun, why is your sandwich mainly lettuce," you questioned, confused why the sandwich barely had any toppings.

"im picky! and it's not just lettuce. theres turkey and cheese and onions too." he opened one of the flaps on the bread to point out the different ingredients.

"also, you are the only person that calls me by my actual name, it's kinda odd" he mentions, taking a bite into his sandwich with barely anything in it.

"are you gonna complain after everything you've done to me so far? plus, saying jake doesn't sound right when i say it. you know what, why don't i just call you jaeyunnie." you grinned, remembering the nickname his little brother calls him by, him being very openly embarrassed about it.

"hey! stop! he tells you, visibly embarrassed before proceeding to laugh. god his laugh, it was so contagious and so was his smile. it was hard not to smile if he was smiling too, like one of those people that makes you happy just looking at them.

"you know, jun is like the spitting imagine of a smaller me"

"i know, ive seen him. he looks like your mom more though, you look more like your dad"

"how do you know what my parents look like, stalker," he says, smiling again and taking a sip of his drink he ordered who knows when.

"maybe if you took a look around your house you'd see all of the family picture frames, im observant you know, and it's hard to miss," you reply

"nooo my embarrassing baby photos are everywhere please tell me you didn't see them" he pleaded, hands together like that was the worst thing in the world.

you both fell into a nice silence, the only voices coming from workers and the other 2 people on the other side of the shop. you both ate your sandwiches peacefully, along with some more small talk and trash talk about the lack of toppings on his sandwich.

he has his chin resting on his palm, as he burns holes into your eyes.

"you're staring," you tell him

"i know, you're pretty, it's hard not to,” he boldly says, hiding in embarrassment a few seconds later, "I'm sorry i didn't mean to be so sudden" he looks down at the floor, ashamed in case you didn't l yeah

"it's okay...and thank you. you're honestly not so bad yourself-"

"hey! you guys are on a date too?" you hear a familiar voice from the door, louder than usual. at the entrance stands soobin, and what your assuming is yeonjun since he hasn't walked in yet. soobin starts quickly walking over, pulls a chair from another table, and sits on the other end.

you can tell jake is visibly confused at what just happened, and so is yeonjun as he walks over to the table a little slower and politely greets you and jake with a smile, mouthing a "sorry"

you punch soobin's arm, whispering to him "what the fuck are you doing, go somewhere else" before hitting him again and giving a nervous smile jakes way.

"im sorry for the intrusion- we were just leaving haha" yeonjun spoke up, grabbing soobins arm to drag him out the shop, scolding his behavior before they both waved to the two of you before exiting

later, while you were both preparing to leave there was suddenly an elderly woman who had stopped at your table as she was walking in.

"you guys are such a cute couple," she said, putting her hands to her heart

"oh we're not-"

"thank you, we're a year strong" jake suddenly said, his hand grabbing yours and holding it up like it was a prized possession. the lady gave him her thanks and she went on to order her sandwich.

"do you even know that lady?”

"no? i couldn't break her heart i was just being nice"

previous masterlist next

a/n: this is so bad but it took me so long to write and also i think im only gonna write for skz from now on i find it hard to write for enha

@16luver @junebug032 @zuyairus @bluxjun @iadorethemskz @kwiwin @heartsforhyunjin @thisisnotjacinta

click here to be added to the taglist

[kiszuster]

LA . SEXY ✗ satoru .

hey hey .ᐟ note from manager kiszu ! singer! satoru x singer! reader, lowercase, fluff, slight crack, short drabble for the kiszu nation 😖, fem coded reader but race isn't mentioned !

satoru always acted as if being on time was hard. news flash, it literally wasn't, and the "fashionably late" excuse was getting old. his manager, god what was her face? oh. kiszu was it? oh god. she was gonna wear his ass out about this once again.

“so sorry, miss ( last name ), he's literally always like this.” kiszu spoke. a frown on her face as a familiar car pulled up. mmtch, you smacked your lips as you seen him get out the car waving with that same annoyingly cheeky grin on his face. yup, you already thought he was punchable by just looking at him.

"satoru! your late! again." kiszu scowled as she looked over to you, seeing your hand on your own hip. making kiszu frown worse.

you was completely second guessing this collab all together.

"you can't have someone waiting. especially when you wanted this colla—"

“quit yapping kiszu! i get it i get it, satorus so so sorry." satoru said pointing at himself as he walked past kiszu and to you. kiszu particularly could've slapped this punk. but, he's here now. so. i guess it didn't matter anymore, did it?

"ah, you must be ( name ) yeah?" satoru said, looking you up and down. your irritated expression— pretty lips with obvious glossy lipstick on them folded up into an annoyed frown already, to your pretty curly hair. holy shit, you were WAY prettier in person.

but satoru could never be seen getting nervous. not ever. but at the end of the day he was just some stupid loser.

"I'm aware." you say to his question. watching him laugh like you just said the funniest shit in the world, correction. you didn't by the way. your eyes narrowed down to a glare before you said: "okay, satoru. im not here to waste time. you wanted this collab remember?" you said crossing your arms and sitting on the leather couch in the producer room that you two stood in.

"oh im aware. so since i don't wanna waste the rest of your time. here." his tone was coy and smug, ugh. as he slid over a paper of some lyrics with little scribbled drawings by them. making your eyebrow perk up.

guess that help him when he had to read over his own lyrics? something. you picked up the paper and he caught a glimpse of your pretty light blue painted nails. making him grin a bit.

"oh you painted those for m—"

"no." you immediately shut him down. making his grin widen. oh, you were WAY more of a challenge for him. he liked that. maybe this collab wouldn't be so bad. he saw that you placed the paper down.

"sooo?"

"booooo" you said, giving him a thumbs down. making his grin flip into a quick frown with the quickness. that almost made you laugh and laugh hard— you were just kidding around with him.

"bye satoru I'm just playin'. but i can say one (1) thing." you said lifting a finger up, "why can't we change a few lyrics? like maybe a overlap. where both of our voices are heard singing some lyrics then i have a whole verse to myself."

satoru listened to you— he didn't hate the idea. he's heard your voice in some songs, and it was downright gorgeous. so the idea didn't make him wanna wrap his hands around his neck and scream. maybe this wouldn't be bad.

in his silence of thinking, that's when you really got to see him. blue glasses resting on his nose, pretty blue eyes and only slightly messy white hair, sitting in a ever so slightly man spreading position. whew. lord. he actually had a slight kick to him— but okay what if you threw a bomb at him instead.

“i totally see you eye balling me, ( name )." satoru spoke up, a lazy grin on his face. making your lips frown up because that grin looked nice on him.

but why was he acting like he wasn't eye balling you too? looking at your outfit and everything. he definitely thought you had nice fashion skills and even if you didn't, you were so damn pretty. but he wasn't gonna say that.

"oh shut your mouth, i saw you looking at me too. now what do you think of the idea?"

"ACKKKK, wrong." satoru said, making his voice sound like a game buzzer. which— made him start laughing. at his big grown age....you rolled your eyes before you heard his voice.

"okay kidding. i actually like your idea lots, i say we record it and put it all together and see how it comes out." satoru spoke with a shrug. leaning back into the couch opposite from you. you nodded your head with a slight smile. only happy because he agreed with you.

"okay, im game with that. pleasure doing business with you i guess. satoru."

"oh? you know that's the one time i seen you smile miss ( name ) do it again."

"ughhhh shut up you ruined it."

[pjisskullourful]

hey my gorgeous ones!

so my funk is continuing(hoofuckinray). theres just some shit going on in my personal life& the emotional fatigue has bled into creative constipation& im really struggling to get much of anything written. i've switched off commissions for the moment, just wanting to take it a bit easy on myself while im trying to get back on my bullshit

as a please-dont-hate-me for the delays that are ongoing, here is the first almost 2k of chapter 25 of stained sheets. its all i have sofar, there are two whole more scenes to write so i genuinely cant say when you'll be getting it

thanks for any patience& understanding you swing my way. stay selfishly happy my thotties

You paused from closing the fly on your high-waisted pants - you had been trying on the outfit you wanted to wear to dinner tonight, but something had caught your eye, distracting you.

A jagged, dark line reached up from just above the waistband of your underwear. This stretch mark was brand new to your eyes. It hit you like an actual wound, your gut twisting and your mind racing.

As your throat clenched, you stopped caring about checking that your choice of outfit was cute or not. You hated this intruder on the side of your tummy. This new line was a failure on your part, maybe if you weren’t so lazy, or spent less time playing video games, you could have avoided gaining another mark in your ugly collection. You were frozen with the top of your pants in your hands.

How long had this mark been on your body? Had Damiano seen it - what did he think when he looked at it?

This was supposed to be a fun day - the day before Easter, and some friends of his were hosting a dinner that would end in an egg hunt through their garden. You were going to be meeting more of the people he had grown up with. But most importantly, you were getting to spend the whole weekend with him, there hadn’t been many of those so far this year. There was no Måneskin-business to take him out of the country, he was just your boyfriend this weekend.

You didn’t want to waste any of this precious time with your insecurities. You wished you hadn’t seen the line, because it hadn’t been as simple as noticing it. You were having a full reaction to it. The change of mood inside of you was almost a tangible sensation.

You didn’t know how to resolve it, you just knew that you wanted the unpleasantness to stop. Your  solution was to physically move away from it. You undressed without completing the try-on process, so desperate to walk away and pretend this negativity didn’t exist. You just needed to refresh yourself and then you would be able to get back on the right track.

“I’m gonna have a shower.” You loudly announced without knowing if he actually heard you. He might be outside having a cigarette, or otherwise occupied too far from the bedroom.

You went into the bathroom and stopped at the vanity, pulling your hairbrush out of a draw. You took your hair down and started brushing through any tangles. Standing in front of the wide mirror, it wasn’t easy to keep your concentration on your hair. Your eyes wanted to wander, to find other flaws in the reflection to tear yourself apart over.

Until you were given the perfect distraction. Your boyfriend came into the room, his figure filling the reflection behind you. He was dressed in only a pair of underwear, wearing a festive headband on top of his short hair. It was enough to make you smile, even though you had to feign annoyance.

“Take those off.” You said as sternly as you could manage.

“You got it, baby.” He said, promptly taking his briefs off.

You were amused, even as you rolled your eyes. You turned your back on the mirror, more than happy to put all of your attention on him. “I meant the bunny ears and you know it.”

The fuzzy rabbit ears remained fixed on his head as he furrowed his brow. “I’m confused, do you want me to put the underwear back on?”

“Damiano.” You warned, but this only resulted in getting him to say your name back to you, in a sing-songy way, delivered with a positively devilish smile. “I never should have let you take the ears from my office…”

His eyes grew wide and he pointed an accusing finger at you. “You were the one who took them.”

You let this unserious discussion progress, exaggerating your shock. “How dare you accuse me.”

“No, how dare you. I was just there to pick you up from work. You were the one who pulled them out of the cute little window display and put them on my head.” He said.

“I didn’t think you were going to walk out still wearing them. And I was kind of distracted, I was working.” You added to his recollection. “Now you must take them off before they get stretched or broken ‘cause I’ve gotta put them back, they’ll probably be part of next year’s Easter display.”

He resisted, still. “I like them. You have to agree that they look better on me than they did in the window.”

“I agree.” You said. “Now take them off.”

The thing that was stopping you from simply snatching the accessory off of him, was the knowledge of how getting too close to him would change this situation entirely. He could physically overpower you in an instant and any illusion of you having some control would be banished.

“You can ask nicer than that, kitty.” He said, very clearly enjoying this teasing.

“Can you please take the ears off for me, please and thank you.” You said, even clasping your hands together in front of yourself to further sell it.

He cocked his head to the side. “I didn’t hear a single word you said. It’s kinda hard to hear you over all of those clothes you’re wearing.”

You reminded yourself how much you enjoyed being called a ‘good girl’ as inspiration to help you bite back any sarcastic comments. You even resisted the urge to roll your eyes.

You removed the two items that you were wearing - a bra and a pair of panties. You cupped your hands to either side of your mouth and spoke at a much higher volume. “Can you hear me now?”

He smiled and nodded. “Yes, did you have a request for me or something?”

“Can you please take those ears off for me, please?” You asked.

“Why, of course I can.” He said, plucking the accessory off of his head. “Here you go.”

You snatched it out of his hand, holding it securely in both of yours. “I’m gonna find someplace to hide these from you.”

“I can’t imagine why you would think that’s necessary. I’ll get the shower started while you do that, shall I?”

This made you pause from leaving the room. “Oh, you’re joining me?”

“Yeah, unless that’s not okay? I thought we should shower together, to save water.” He said.

You smirked. “To save water. Yep, that’s fine.”

You carried the confiscated item over to where you kept your work bag. It was enough to put it into your bag and shut the zipper. If he pulled it out of there he would be in the wrong - you’d both know it, and any argument would be in your favour.

When you returned to the bathroom, it was to find him standing under the stream of water. You were further distracted from your earlier issues as you admired how great he looked when soaking wet.

He turned his head and smiled at the sight of you, beckoning you in with a curling of his finger. You stepped in, sliding the door shut behind yourself. You shouldn’t have been surprised when he was instantly drawing you in for kisses, his hands cradling your face. There were times when the two of you could share a focused shower, spending as much time washing yourselves as you did making out.

But the look he had given you had indicated that this wasn’t the case for today. You linked your arms around his waist, indulging in this as the noise of the persistent water blocked out everything else. You felt how easy it would be to melt as his mouth worked tenderly against yours.

His hands left your face, slowly moving down to where the water had already reached. He started to kiss his way off of your mouth, his lips pressing against your chin before going lower. You couldn’t help arching your back into him as his lips worked across your throat. This was the closeness that you absolutely ached for when he was away, showers (like pretty much everything else) were so dull without him.

But -

“I need to wash my hair. This shower was supposed to have purpose.” You said.

He stopped what he was doing to look up at you. “Nobody’s stopping you from washing your hair. Look, I’ll even help. I’ve got lots of time to help with washing your hair these days.”

“I could return the favour and use my volumising shampoo on your hair.” You said of his well maintained buzzcut.

He wore a deadpan expression, blinking at you. “Hilarious. I swear, you’ve missed your calling in life. You shouldn’t be doing admin work- stand-up comedy, that’s where you should be. Netflix would give you a special so fast.”

“Because I’m a special girl.” You said as he let go of you to grab the shampoo bottle.

The intimacy wasn’t totally lost in this process. The two of you remained standing very close together (even though there was ample room for each of you in here) and you took every opportunity to touch him.

When he began to massage the shampoo into your scalp, you could have let out a moan of pleasure. You shut your eyes and soaked up every second of his attentiveness. His fingers slowly dragging across your scalp was the only thing that you needed right now.

“Stop making that face.” He said, his voice so stern that your eyes instantly snapped open, you were practically ready to apologise at once. “That’s a sex face and if you keep it up you’re gonna get me hard, which isn’t the purpose of this shower, right?”

You almost began giggling, you covered your face with both of your hands. “I didn’t mean to. I, I guess I was enjoying myself a little too much.”

“I’ll say.”

You parted your fingers to peek at him. “Did I really do a sex face?”

“Oh, yes. If you want me to get specific- it was your edging face. When I see that face I know that I’m doing it right and your brain is getting all empty.” He said before instructing you to tilt your head back under the stream of water.

As he rinsed all of the product out of your hair, you physically cringed. “Oh my God, I hope I don’t make that face when they’re washing my hair at the hairdressers.”

“Relax baby, I’m the only one who knows that face is linked to naughtiness.” He said.

You tried your best to stay in constant awareness, and control, over your facial expressions as he conditioned your hair. The lack of massaging on your scalp kept you from that floaty feeling.

“What do you think, is that up to your standards?” He asked, losing the careful look on his face that he had been wearing during this task.

You tested his work by running your fingers through the ends of your hair. “It feels perfect. Thank you, Daddy.” You reached out to tap the end of his nose.

[childhoodtv-kalimthefairy]

Unpopular KOTLC opinions

This the segment where i talk about things KOTLC related where i don't think anyone agrees with or is not very popular.

My opinion today is that Biana could be replaced since i think she isn't very necessary. Look, i love Biana, she is such a mood. BUT I literally cannot recall anything she has done plot relevant. Like, yea she might've done something but i cannot say how much i feel like she got shoe horned. I also think her power is useless, specially if we talk about how Tam is way more useful in hiding more people and the hiding object shit. Marella is even more useful than her cause of her fire shit. I feel like Biana is such a wasted opportunity, I can imagine her being so helpful but the story does her dirty (Ngl that's my opinion with most of how the story treats the female cast)

I think a way they could fix this is that if they made her the fire person. Or like, she could've been twist villain cause lets be honest no one really gave a shit about avalar, he was there for like one book before the reveal. I think Biana being there since the beginning and then finding out that she betrayed them would hit SO hard. Then she could switch sides back with the Black swan and there would be so much angst with the vackers. And like, commentary on how fitz like feels??? We didn't get much with Avalr and Fitz's relationship but we SEE Biana's and Fitz's dynamic and then we could see how he feels about the betrayal. AND SOPHIE! We could see how Sophie graples with her own memories of Biana, wondering what was an act and when was it actually genuine, and like having to accept that one of her best friends, her first girl FRIEND betrayed her trust tenfold.

Bro i should just write this maybe idk im too lazy.

[dcmwells]

[ joseph quinn, cis male, he/him ] — whoa! DOMINIC “DOM” WELLS just stole my cab! not cool, but maybe they needed it more. they have lived in the city for FOUR YEARS, working as a MECHANIC AT ONE STOP. that can’t be easy, especially at only 30 YEARS OLD. some people say they can be a little bit CRUDE and SARCASTIC  , but I know them to be CLEVER and CREATIVE. whatever. I guess I’ll catch the next cab. hope they like the ride back to QUEENS! — (rae, 26, mnt, she/they, n/a)

IN A NUTSHELL: cult classic horror films, a lopsided shit eating grin, grease stained hands, exaggerated gestures, a loud bark of laughter, wasted potential, flipping off the camera and biting comebacks

tw: substance abuse mention, implications of childhood neglect/abuse

has been in new york for 4 years now working at one stop as a mechanic in queens….still not necessarily sure on why or what brought him here bc he’s still fairly new-ish but hey we get to learn together!!

doesn’t know how to sit still for longer than a few seconds unfortunately, catch him always drumming pens or pencils or smth over the table and bouncing his leg bc he CANNOT HELP IT (ig all my men have this idk) he says he’s like a shark…i say he says that cus he’s annoying

is a little fucking shit who teases too much, is SO sarcastic and has zero filter, any single thought he has you WILL be hearing it, he doesn’t care

too impulsive for his own good and likes to keep others on their toes, and that includes himself, gets bored very easily

was a bit ostracized as a kid for some of his interests and quirks and now he wears a hard shell exterior and parades around with a wide smirk on his lips, acting like he doesn’t give a single fuck to keep others from doing exactly that all over again, is actually kind of a dork under the facade so consider your muse lucky if they ever get to witness that bc he has got TRUST ISSUESSSS

BLARES his music loudly in the garage and WILL pretend he can’t hear you, saying “what” 4 times just to hear you tell him yourself to turn it down, i hate him and i’m surprised he hasn’t been fired yet

he also is just really lazy when it comes to things he doesn’t wanna do so he really just…does what he wants

smokes weed, cigs, may be a borderline alcoholic all of that, raise ur hand if ur surprised

is actually very creative and smart but doesn’t think it, has designed all his own tattoos, can learn a whole song on guitar by ear by a month, and actually does know quite a lot about cars…but is he doing ANYTHING with this kind of potential? no.

miss him with romance in any way shape or form, he’s down to mess around (is pansexual and panromantic) but is too ahem insecure to think anyone would actually want anything to do with him for MORE than that

is very self deprecating but he acts untouchable to the world, im still trying to figure out his home life but it feels like he’s kind of been in survival mode for most of his tween years to now, the facade he puts up is a coping mechanism…so is being the most obnoxious person in the room ig

i just need him to accept love from other dammit…wc someone take him to therapy fcsgcs

i think it’s very clear i’ve lightly based him off of eddie munson (forgive me for i was not immune to the boy) and also hyde from that 70s show a lil

he’s just my annoying ass enabler who’s lowkey sad and kind of a whore ok pls love us

[bbarican]

july 30, 2023; 7:21 pm - life updates

hi, tumblr! its been a minute ~ how are you guys? isnt it so weird that july just decided to be a blip and is now over like it never actually happened even though it was a super busy month? either way, im here to update ya'll on how ive been and other things and if youre interested, just keep reading along; either way, i love you!

family:

bittersweetly, wala na kaming bisita sa bahay; ang weird kasi my mom pointed out na we had visitors nga pala ever since may, thats a lot of time to have people over at your house and to not have privacy; it is sad though to have the house this quiet again but i, glad for the memories we all made over the course of everyone's stay

i treated my mom to a mani pedi session yesterday and it was really nice and relaxing; i finally got my nails done again and im so happy!

other than the aforementioned, we dont have a lot going on except the fact that we're going to a lunch buffet on saturday so atleast we have something to look forward to

im just really excited for the rest of the year and what that holds for me and my family

personal life:

im in a much better headspace and i am truly grateful for whatever or whoever helped me along the way

july was tough kasi i kept pushing myself to my limit without really noticing and again its very bittersweet kasi a part of me is super proud na i can actually juggle so much but at the same time my mind was not doing okay

but im glad im better now; maybe it was just a bad and busy week but i know for a fact na hindi lang yun yung week na ganun sa buong buhay ko so atleast now i know i can actually handle it

i finished reading happy place by emily henry already and i love that book so much; it being about people around my age made it all the more relatable + its super funny + it hits a little too close to home knowing that im the same as the protagonist; overall, its such a great book and i wish i could read it for the first time ulit

been trying to download bumble again pero literally my phone wont let me kasi it always prompts me to fix my payment method sa apple id which is totally fine btw but it always ends up being in error so i just take that as a sign na downloading bumble is just gonna be a waste of time anyway

i need to buy clothes kasi 1.) i wanna invest in them (again, my mom has a point na i need to stop repeating my outfits as much as i do) and 2.) i have an event to go to on the 11th ata so i need to dress up for that

i also want to sell some of my stuff kasi day by day i just keep realizing na i have so much stuff and instead of throwing them away, might as well make some money out of them

work:

im relieved that work is better now; not as busy, but busy enough to keep me on my feet without actually killing me mentally

i love my officemates; i love how the board takers are back and that the noise is back too

na approve na din kaagad yung revisions namin for our community library project which means we get to go to ikea already and purchase the stuff we wanted to for the project

feels kinda weird din talaga to not have been able to go to the office for a week cause of the weather kaya tomorrow im really gonna push myself to go kahit na alam kong uulan parin kasi i just know im gonna be lazy as fuck if i dont go to the office nanaman

regarding our team building, again, im not so keen on pushing through with it this august kasi 1.) its raining, 2.) mahal na since we're booking for the same dates, and 3.) again, i have no idea what our budget is to begin with so its really hard to plan anything anyway

and yeah, thats it for my life updates ~ im beyond excited for august, so here's to making the last day of july super fun and productive and memorable in whatever way it could be

ingat kayong lahat especially since for sure uulan parin this week!

[reficu1]

hi :p for matchups, i hope this okieee <3 genshin and bsd

my names kuro, no gender preference. im gender-fluid, i look like a cute girl and a cute boy depending on how i want haha. im INTP, depends on day. also virgo.

like idols, skincare, vampires (im vampirekin/i am one), cats (i love taking care of them and cats usually nice to me since i know how best to approach them). love music (gothic rock, neoclassical dark wave, breakcore, experimental rock, ec). love fashion aLOT, im very very into vkei, lolita/ouji and gyaru (i usually dress in kogyaru fashion). love night-time and wandering streets at night, especially in cities where its active and people are around. good food (rare beef, curry, mooncakes, mantou, castella, manju). would have cat ears and tail if i could.

dislike dogs 👎 scared of them. being center of attention (i prefer to watch people than be watched by others). dirt (including messy people). people who are very loud and annoying. birds, anything gross or violent. i dislike fashion styles i wouldnt wear.

hobbies include designing clothes, sewing, listening to music, baking, attending festivals, interior design.

personality: i prefer to listen to others than talk, but depending on who/topic i can speak for hours and hours. relaxed mainly, i dont like being energetic or loud/fastpaced. very picky with food/texture/fashion/literally everything. i comes off weird/scary to a lot of people but it doesnt bother me, its nice. can be a little lazy, i let people do first move. prefer doing things my way, and isolate from others a bit. very careful with how i look.

insecurities: not many, wish i was taller (162cm). dont want to gain weight (in the 40's of kg). i guess maybe how pale i am but im sensitive to sun so i cant help it.

thank chuuuuu

I match up for you...

Xinyan. I think you would agree on your best interests for sure! Of course, you may not be a songwriter, the main thing is that you share her hobby, for which she was offended in her childhood. Of course, now there are no problems with the recognition of her work, but still. She is so full of energy that she would take you with her to her concerts or other festivals. Imagine how one day Xinyan gathers all his friends from Líyuè, you are asked to design clothes for the guys and ideas for the interior of the festival. In such preparation for the event, there is work for everyone, and everyone would help each other. I want to note right away that Xinyan has a violent reaction, and you mentioned that you don’t like loud people, but based on her manner of communication, I can say that she strives to evoke positive emotions and comfort in people in the company. In the circle of close friends, she does not entertain them, she maintains a kind and cheerful atmosphere. Yes, that's why at first you did not immediately consider each other.

Koyo Ozaki. I want to say right away that in the works of bsd I try to be realistic and work with character analyzes, so they can be preyedat by negativism. Her manner of communication includes pathos and a dramatic and stormy character. She has a beautiful speech and can use metaphors well. "A flower grown in darkness will not survive on the side of light." I'm sure she would try to do whatever you want. But Koyo does not have a wasted maternal instinct (sorry that I use this incorrect term), so she would take the position of an auditor who would watch you, and Koyo is one of those parents who are convinced that they know better how their child lives and what to choose. BUT! You can consider your interaction after Koyo's conversation with Dazai, then she reconsidered her attitude towards you and it would already be more like a healthy relationship. Of course, she would continue to follow you, give in, help, indulge. It's just that it's all part of the consequences of her psychological trauma. She wouldn't want to lose you.

[solosol]

i crave rest and stillness quiet a lot, but then i quickly grow bored and feel stale. i need some stimulation but not too much because i will be overwhelmed and retreat into solitude again. 

i am starting to fall back in love with life, but this awareness of my ‘inability’ to live life is a kicker sometimes. im fighting the feeling of being a bum or lazy. even though laziness is kind of a myth, more so that i constantly feel like theres more to be done, and anytime i spend indoors alone, doing nothing but watching netflix or scrolling, or sleeping off anxiety, i feel like i am wasting my life, wasting my time.

im trying to steer clear of social media, mainly instagram, it makes me feel so irrelevant, and thats definitely a personal insecurity, but instagram is where things seems to be happening, for work as well it seems the place to showcase my creative endeavors. i hope that this new year brings fresh energy and new and fun things. not to distract me from that seemingly insatiable hunger i have, but to remove it completely.

i need to be occupied. and sometimes i think does that mean that  i need to sit in silence with myself more? perhaps. but i also feel like ive momentarily forgotten how to enjoy a day. ive never known what i am supposed to be doing. and tasks like being in uni actually give me more dread than a sense of purpose. 

perhaps thats it, im just navigating rediscovering a sense of purpose. it happens every few months. usually because i crash, soemtimes because i stop and revaluate my situation and my goals. but more often than not its the former.

maybe this is just what it means to be human, or one of the things. struggle of some kind seems to be integral to existance. i am excited for the future dont get me wrong. im excited for freedom and the sun. 

im trying to get to the root of this that im feeling. i truly think its working through endings and starting new beginnings. i am yet to get into some sort of groove. but its on its way and probably coming faster than i want to believe. i just need to keep trusting. thats all i really have. hope, trust and myself.