#maybe im just lying to myself | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

dizzybizz · 1 month

Text

some doodles

#i meant to put the balor one in the previous post but i forgor 😭its in a diff file from the sketch dump i was coloring in so it just didnt #exist in my mind at all. i felt like smth was missing as i was posting it but i couldnt place what hlep #adeline and eiland have been driving me insane lately. expect more of them. probably.#dont minf the last two guys. some concepts for future farms 😋 (pls mind them im crazy abt all my farmers even if they technically dont -#exist yet. pls ask abt them or smth pls im nroaml i can be nroma l i prommy)#fields of mistria #fom balor #sona #im gonna start tagging that i think.#fom eiland #fom adeline #fom elsie #fom farmer #my art #guys can i just say that im so happy that balor is silver n not gold cus otherwise i would have to confront a part of me im not proud of #we shouldnt talk abt it but like yeah jjust know i like his silver and his whole deal #have such a softspot n bias for characters who dont settle anywhere. who never lay down their roots or whatever. who keep their past secret #like oughh hes hitting so many marks #i like hawthorne a lot. hes more developed in my head. and also i like his dead look and hair bows. i have so many ideas abt him man it hur #i promised myself i wouldnt make a new save file til i reached y2 w rory but apperantly errols bday is cursed bc the game has frozen twice #sorry if you read all of these tags. go to my askbox w fom stuff or smth. ask abt my farmers plsplspls pl s jk haha unless. maybe even #gimme drawing reqs for fom in general. ok tyvm ly sorry for yapping. its what i do best

122 notes · View notes

moryyteks · 3 months

Text

yeah i really dont know

#kamen rider #kamen rider blade #aikawa hajime #hajime aikawa #ive been hajimeposting so much recently #here its mostly kenhaji but tbh on my sideblog where i rant i just kinda find random posts so hajimecore LOL #i swear. kenzaki is my blade fav ... but hajime is just so fun #maybe im a little lying to myself #but tbh you cant just separate kenhaji right #they can BOTH be number 1 in my heart ...

67 notes · View notes

puppyeared · 10 months

Text

its so hard to watch time pass when things like careers and assignments exist. what do you mean im supposed to take that seriously

#I have an assignment that was due a week ago and I really really dont want to do it. I have to but i dont want to #im probably making it worse because my brain has built a wall around it so now i can’t do literally anything else until thats done. but #because I don’t want to do it I’m just kinda stuck. turns out this is what they meant when they said emotional regulation is part of #exec dysfunction.. I’ll have a thought like if I get a little bit of it done now i can get it over with. I can just submit something #and then not even 5 minutes later itll be like ugh but I have to draw all the assets out. I have to write things and make spreads ugh #and its just flopping between those two things. i hate it when ppl are like well how much time do you need to work on one thing #because BOY id love to know too. I’d love to know exactly when my brain wants to cooperate with me and work around that but I cant #even my period can’t decide when it wants to punch me in the stomach. which is kinda funny in the grand scheme of things but still #its so weird im just lying on my bed thinking abt all this like damn.. the time will pass anyways no matter what I decide to do.. damn….#if I submit that assignment now and take the L I literally won’t die. it’ll just be a deduction on an assignment nobody will ask me about #I know this but I’m still stressing myself about it so my thoughts aren’t really connecting to my body. weird #maybe its because Im having a hard time looking forward to things. theres definitely a lot I should be living for but I don’t really feel #a strong attachment to it I guess? it’s been like this for a while with holidays and meeting with friends so I just don’t #I kinda figured its because im pretty passionless and its more like passing interest. but it’s not very fun when it feels like I’m going to #be living distraction to distraction for the next 70 years or so lol #idk it kind of feels like slowly bleeding out. which is funny because I actually did experience blood loss this week #had a 30 minute nosebleed and literally could not stand. also it felt like someone was pinching the back of my brain which was interesting #yapping #does this count as vent #vent #Ive just been making an oc carrd and contemplate changing my blog header for the past 3 days honestly

172 notes · View notes

arc-archernar · 1 month

Text

more than anything...

#maybe i just crave human touch.#maybe i just crave human interactions. but im too tired and too jaded to trust easily #using pieces of myself to hurt both others and myself. holding myself at a distance from others #scared to be vulnerable. thats always all it boils down to #not wanting others to see parts of myself that are fragile. putting on a mask to seem unflappable #baring parts of myself that are used to the hurt and loss to others instead. so when they accept me it feels like theyre accepting all of me #when in reality even that is a ruse #is it so wrong to want to protect others' positive impressions of me? or at least what they deem to be my good traits #yet im so tired. of being angry and of lying #ive been at this for years now. i can do this for years more #but its so. so sosoooooooooooo tiring #the anger the easygoing the edgy are all so high energy to maintain #but without those... im just a dead creature #arc 3am logs #personal arc #vent in tags

8 notes · View notes

tommygettingwrittenoff · 1 month

Text

my favorite thing about bt is when there's an opportunity for buck and t to have a deeper connection, but then t just shuts it down. like, go girl, give us nothing!!!!

#like outside of 7x04...have they had an actual conversation that didnt exclusively consist of sex or t being dismissive #ig you could argue their date scene #well both date scenes but come on the first one was like so bad #yeah they had a nice (im using that term very loosely) little conversation about coming out but then t made that closet joke and left buck #like okay listen its not tha big of a deal but it is!!!#how can you seriously sit there and be like oh yeah i was lying to myself about being gay because i was scared #and then when the (newly bi) man youre on a date with kinda freaks when faced with coming out not on his own terms youre surprised???#come on #be so serious rn #and sorry not sorry but i will always hate him for leaving buck on the sidewalk outside the restaurant #yes buck is a grown ass man and could get home safely #but its the fact that he didnt tell buck anything until his uber had pulled up #like that man was talking about the movie yall were planning on seeing on you were just watching your uber get closer #i dont care who you are that us just rude as fuck #and the your fathers alive in the finale #fuck off #like the conversation about t and his father was literally only included to connect to gerrard #deny it all you want but t really was a plot device in 7b #he had like what maybe 5 minutes of screentime #he is so over #anti tommy kinard

7 notes · View notes

femmefitz · 4 months

Text

Hmmm. Idk about that last part.

#like. i remember specifically white tankies on this site making this argument straight up lying abt black ppl who dared to argue with them #so maybe perhaps this is not the exact same as everything listed above #idk. its not really my place to make a whole Thing about this #but. i dont think conversations around the antiblackness that permeates this topic is fair to lump in with pedojacketing #im just repeating myself now. u get what i meam #mean*#💋

12 notes · View notes

vincent-sinclair-deserved-better · 24 days

Text

hm

thinking of my blorbos but not in a "i love you you love me all is well" way but a "i love you hope you kill me" way lol

#cylas vents #negativity #negative #death wish #lmao #bitches be like '[potentially concerning thing]' and then add 'lol' as if it's funny or a joke lmao #like i mean technically it's not but then again it is bc it's me. like yeah don't worry don't take this seriously don't mind me ok #it doesn't really matter anyway kk. or maybe it's more like I'm the joke.#like idk the thought that like most of my f/os would probably kill me on sight should be less comforting than it is i guess #imagine casually making posts like this and still being like 'ok but maybe im not actually mentally ill maybe im faking maybe im lying to #myself maybe im making excuses maybe im imagining things maybe im just lazy' etc etc #none of the antidepressants since fluoxetine decided it's over have done shit and even my psychiatrist now is always like 'hm. so do you #want to keep trying other things' and like yeah what else can i do? therapy didnt do anything for this specific issue and the tagesklinik #lady didnt really seem to get my issue (well her suggestions for like therapy groups or whatever were more about socialising or whatever #like ??? girl that's really not the main problem here lmao but she also did have a point about how i would have to actually go there every #day etc but like #what else am i supposed to do #hi i am always tired and sometimes struggle to even get out of bed and thats why i worry about getting a job or something bc it could become #too much or whatever but like unfortunately thats kind of a requirement for everything lmao #when psychiatrist asks what i want/expect or whatever i am internally like 'a magic pill that just fixes everything and makes me a normal #functional human being' but like that's just not A Thing (tm)#so. like. what else am i supposed to do.#i don't want to be like this forever #idk how to tag lmai #using stuff like #tw suicidality #tw suicidal #tw suicidal ideation #just feels so over the top and like i dont have the right to use them lol

4 notes · View notes

elegyofthemoon · 5 months

Text

ok but do i want to actually sit and read through all the clockie animation stuff so i have better foundation for what i want to say? i guess

#avil plays hsr #idk if i actually want to write this ramble because i started rewatching a bunch of scenes that i needed to figure my thoughts out #but the more i gather the more im getting lost with myself so im like MMMMM #i gotta line these pieces up first #i think the trickiest thing about gallagher is wondering how much of what he says is true vs false #UH #ill just tag this as #hsr 2.1 spoilers #because thats the ramble in the tags #but like as a follower of enigmata hes prone to lying and conjuring even more riddles to confuse you #so i just have to wonder too #and if his whole facade as gallagher is fake. then how did he actually become part of the bloodhound?#sunday points out how gallagher stoles features from so many members of the family so. i just have to wonder #he couldnt have changed his identity without being noticed #so thats where i get confused. like How did you get in here in the first place using your disguise?#how did you fool people?#ANSWER MY QUESTIONS MAN (SHAKES GALLAGHER)#at the very least though: i think what he says about mikhail is true #i want to believe those are true even despite his false front #the things i want to talk about is like #well first i wanna make a whole timeline of the historical events of penacony #and that will give me a better idea of how things led to one another to present time #and THANKFULLY i rewatched because now i understand what gallagher meant possibly by traitor #but how did the family come to be?#how did the dreammaster come to be? (SHAKES THE GAME)#ok so i have to read more. so this will take longer #unfortunately maybe by the time i get all the information i want itll be too late and someone else wouldve said #SOMEONE PROBABLY DID #but i like the satisfaction of pulling the pieces together myself. thats the satisfaction of solving cases and puzzles ✨#my desk looks ridiculous now because its like. sticky notes everywhere because im like I HAVE TO MAKE NOTE OF THIS

7 notes · View notes

aromanticsuzuya · 22 days

Text

okay since you guys wont give me reasons to why im suzuya ill have to do it myself otherwise im going to set myself on fire - im aromantic. and suzuya is aromantic. so im suzuya - im agender. and suzuya is agender. so... im suzuya - when i look in the mirror i see myself. and im suzuya. so therefore. im suzuya. - when i read tokyo ghoul and i see suzuya i see myself. im suzuya - i ran out. i dont know.

actual update!?!?

- i name things (objects) and that's a very suzuya thing to do. (thank you sorrow you are correct!)

#; talking #does anyone have any more reasons?#maybe im not suzuya...................maybe it is just a phase.....#<- lying. i tried to convince myself its all a phase like 4 times. failed everytime!

6 notes · View notes

n3onwraith · 3 months

Text

AWWW THEY ADOPTED A BLUE THATS SO SWEET??? THEY SAW HIM GET ABANDONED AND NABBED HIM OMG??? I LOVE ANALOG SO MUCH ALREADY AND THIS ONLY REAFFIRMS MY LOVE FOR NETWORK

#this will surely not blow up in my face after seeing the segment with the reds #it will so totally go fine and be normal and he'll be a real part of the team and not betray them #i am lying to myself so hard #recruits machinima #do i tag for spoilers? im gonna tag for spoilers just in case #recruits machinima spoilers #recruits spoilers #OH WAIT MAYBE NOT MAYBE THEY GET TO KEEP ANALOG AND HE DOESNT TURN OUT TO BE WORKING WITH THE REDS #YIPPEE

4 notes · View notes

bloodyke · 9 months

Text

idk im just generally very pissed off that most people in my life dismiss and ignore my disabilities even when i bring it up like i do struggle every day and its frustrating that im only taken seriously when i reach my breaking point and start sobbing in front of them

#zenith.txt #like. knowing the only reason my parents stopped thinking about things Like That was bc i got pissed off and started sobbing #about how i physically could not get out of bed most days and how hard it is for me #like i shouldnt have to break down in sobs for you to believe me when i say i struggle with xyz issues im not lying about my memory #im not lying about my physical disabilites im not lying about my mental disabilites im not exaggerating or being negative #i struggle with a lot of things im just good at masking and it annoys me when people who dont live my reality deny it #if i tell you calmly that i struggle with social interactions or physically standing upright i dont want to hear SHIT about #how you dont believe i struggle with it bc im so good at doing it and i dont LOOK like im having a problem to you #why must i have to humiliate myself in front of you for you to deign to maybe perhaps begin to consider that im struggling #this is not about my friends on here btw yall are very lovely and supportive and im glad to have you <33333 its just. irl is another story

7 notes · View notes

puppyeared · 9 months

Text