#maybe its just past darkness and the Bad Thoughts which i shouldnt listen to are clouding my brain too much

[zoppzoop]

GAAHAHHHHH

[a-court-of-moonlight-and-ire]

Hellow, i just reblogged that post about the cauldron loving elain and I have been seized with a need to figure out what the hell is going on with that so I shall read one (1) chapter if acomaf to bring me closer to my goal. For the record, I did know about the cauldron loving elain and hating nesta because idk, nesta was angry and annoying when she was dunked into it but elain was just so sweet and demure about it probably, i did not think it was. romantic love. but this is a sjm book so I was foolish to assume there would be a male character whos not insanely horny. Actually, is the cauldron even male? He is in the german version but thats just bc the word cauldron is masculine grammatically. Quick someone draw like, a tumblr sexyman humanized version of the cauldron. actually no, tumblrsexymen are traditionally twinks and sjm hates those. Quick someone draw like, a super buff shirtless man with golden hair, or whatever the color of the cauldron is

anyway, PREVIOUSLY ON: THE FLAMES AND DARKNESS LIVEBLOG we had the Court on Nightmares Under The Mountain Reenactment Scene as I like to call it and can we talk about how Feyre has known Rhys for like a year and only liked him for like half a year and yet she was perfectly fine sitting in his lap nacked and letting herself be sexualized by him. Like, I dont even have any kind of sexual trauma, you would still need to build up sooooo many years of friendship and good will for me to do that for you and you would NOT be allowed to jerk me off!! whatever, lets get on with this, its time for chapter 43

I hate that Rhysand is being all like "i shouldnt have brought you, i didnt want you to see this side of me" when its like, buddy you didnt have to do all this shit you couldve just walked in an been like "Im your high lord and demand your orb" and they wouldve given it to you because youre their high lord and youre demanding their orb. And if he thought they wouldnt have given it to him, he couldve easily come up with a different distraction he just went with the one that sexualizes Feyre because hes weirdo. Like, if hes so cruel on every other day then he shouldve acted really nicely, greeted Keir by giving him the biggest hug and being like "uncleeeee!! :D long time no see :)" and Feyre should have been dressed up as like, the embodiment of spring in pastel green soft shades of pink and but Rhysand still treats with the utmost kindness and respect, now that would throw the Hewn City for a loop

Okay so the reason Rhys broke keirs arm is because the word 'whore' triggered him which is understandable but like, Feyre thought of herself as the Highlords Whore in a very deliberate parallel to Rhysand being known as Amarantha's Whore and Im pretty sure she even straightup thought something about being in the position he had for so many years but she was like, horny about it and the narrative just isnt acknowledging it. Like, theyre not talking about it even though their mindlink was presumably open the whole time bc I remember them flirting through the link, and Feyre isnt even like "oh man, I feel bad for thinking that when its so upsetting to him" its so weird

Rhysand basically said "I will never try to protect you by locking you away, instead I will protect you by killing anyone who upsets you, even when they dont actually upset you and they just upset me" like he and Tamlin are not fundamentally any different from each other, its just that Rhysand is a coldblooded murderer. but its fine cuz he wears black leather i guess

I just realized. Rhysand had a boner when Feyre was sitting in his lap. did that go away when he broke Keirs arm or did he walk out of that meeting with his dick fully hard

Listen, maybe its just because its 3am and Im a little sleepdeprived but this conversation barely makes any sense, these bozos are just completely talking past each other at this point

Rhysand just said something about how Tamlin just locked Feyre up and let her waste away and almost die and Feyre was gonna say "He was trying his best" but Rhys interrupted her like "Dont compare me to him, stop comparing us" when she didnt say anything about that ??? my guy is projecting so hard rn he thinks theyre having a conversation that theyre not even having

And like i would argue that Feyre doesnt even compare Rhysand and Tamlin that much, the narrative definitely does it a LOT, but Ive been reading Feyres thoughts throughout this whole ordeal and I feel like she barely even thought about Tamlin since she sent him that letter

This scene is supposed this big turning point for their relationship and its clearly meant to be really emotional but the only emotion i can feel rn is annoyance with Rhysand because its like, he did have genuinely traumatic things that happened to him but not only is he barely affected by any of them, those are not even the things that the narrative brings up whenever its trying to get me to sympathise with him instead its always just "whaaaaaaa everyone thinks Im nasty and evil just because i keep doing nasty and evil things T-T"

Feyre is being very cruel but in a kinda funny way because its directed at Rhysand rn, i would insert the quote but I am in no state to translate anything at the moment but shes basically like "of course you have to hide your true self from your friends, they wouldnt wanna hang out with otherwise, you burden"

Idk why but the prose being like "my arrow struck him too deep" is so funny to me, it has the same energy as the vampire fics i read where the weird gay one gets his heart broken and he goes "it wouldve hurt less if he staked me in the heart"

Feyre is like "i cant believe he was so vulnerable and shared his sorrows with me and just threw all of it in his face" and I could not give less of a shit, but ive been on a big emotional abuse kick lately so now Im thinking about what if Feyre was just faking having feelings for Rhys in order to make him fall in love with her and be vulnerable with her only to then tell him the truth and reject the mating bond and make him completely break down as revenge for UTM. now that would actually be empowering

Now Feyre is thinking about how shes been using Rhysand for a long time now and come onnnnnn there is such a big power difference between them, I genuinely think its basically impossible for her to do that. Like, hes the most powerful guy in the history of guys or whatever, if anything you were doing bothered him that much he could simply make you stop doing it. hm. now Im thinking about what if rhysand was actually a huge masochist. Now that would actually be hot

Feyre is talking about how all the members of the inner circle suffered and are traumatized and theyve all learned to live with it and, not to extend too much sympathy to Rhysand, but all of the ICs major traumatic events happened centuries ago, his traumatic event happened one (1) year ago and it lasted 49 years i think its gonna take a little more time till hes all better

ughhhhhhh dont remind me of Amrens stupid romance subplot im gonna kill myself

Starfall is called Die Nacht der fallenden Sterne [the night of the calling stars] in german which is so much cooler and more whimsical, shoutout to my gal pal Alexandra Ernst for attempting to reinsert atleast a little bit of whimsy into this joyless world

Also, apparently its expected that Rhysand spend the first starfall in fifty years with his people, his people in this case referring to the Verlarians in the city that no one knows exists and not the people living in his courts actual capital. then again, i guess those bozos are all trapped under a mountain and wouldnt be able to watch it anyway so who cares

Amren said "hes not lucky to have us, we're lucky to have him" like yeah, hes paying you all exorbitant salaries just for being his buddies

God, amrens jacking rhys off so hard rn I cant believe she didnt wanna have sex with him when he asked

btw Im not even gonna dignify all that vaguely meta bullshit about how Tamlin is the golden prince and rhysand is the villain in the stories but the villain in stories is the guy who locks maidens away in towers and rhys freed her with anx kind of commentary because its just stupid, its just sjm bashing you over the head with how subversive she is when Tamlin and Rhysand are basically the same guy with different aesthetics at this point, like Feyre is not making a choice between the goodboy hero and the badboy villain, shes making a choice between a Bad Boy with a Heart of Gold (green) and a Bad Boy with a Heart of Gold (black)

[sweater-daddiesdumbdork]

Sweet, Spice and Hot Water Is Always Nice

Summary- 7.6k Mike (renamed from Me-Playing It Cool) x You. Mike is struggling to get a story line down for his script, and you were sent home from work. You just LOVE when Aunt Flo comes to visit (insert sarcasm), and Mike has a suggestion to make you feel better. Warnings- Period Sex (it isnt overly graphic though) Male receiving Oral, Fingering, One mention of blood. Thigh Riding cause its a mood. That is about it. A mild argument. Oh swear or two, cause ya know me. And I know, another holiday fic with him, but Holidays are my favorite, and I just love these two. 

A/N- Fall themed Moodboard added to this was made by @darkficsyouneveraskedfor​. Thank you so much, I loved it, and I hope you like the fluffiness it caused. 

“Okay Brian, you want this rom com to deliver.” Mike cracked his knuckles and let his fingers lower over the keys, starting to type out the main character's opening scene, picturing the actress Brian described as standing just behind him, sitting at your kitchen table your grandmother gave you, picking at plates of food. 

Ally, I could have told you it wasn't going to work out with

Rick two months ago. - Daisy sighs. 

Why? - Ally gives a clueless look at her sister across the table. 

You love meat, you hate cyclists. - Daisy says flippant. 

His hand came up to rub at his face, trying to think ahead as the two blondes faded away from the table, and he was sitting there pondering at the theme of the script he was supposed to be writing. Single woman worried about the amount of men she has been with, and was set on finding the ONE. The man who made all her dreams come true. Of course the man was supposed to be a playboy across the hall. 

“Fucking fantastic.” Mike groaned, finding the whole theme of the story kind of stupid. “What woman would worry about that?” 

Setting back to trying to type, he heard the door unlock, your footsteps snapping against the tile of the hallway floor leading into the kitchen. Pushing back his chair, he twisted it to face the kitchen with a confused look on his face. You tossed your purse and keys on the counter, and bracing a hand against the counter, you leaned down to yank off your heels to fall to the flat of your feet with a sigh. Using the side of your foot, you pushed them aside so no one would trip over them. “I know- I know… I'm home early Mike. I promise to be quiet.” 

Mike just shook his head to disregard what you had said. “I don't care that you’re home so early, I'm just trying to figure out why you're home early?” 

You stand there for a moment staring at him, then you give a sniffle that was so out of character, it worried him. Holding out his hands to you, he made a come motion. “Come on baby, now you're starting to scare me a bit.” Which entices you to make your way to him, and stand between his legs while his hands slide up and down the back of your thighs. “You left for work just a couple hours ago?” 

Your hands come to smooth over his head, sighing at how good the softness of his slightly grown out buzz cut felt, and you could see the worry lines depending between his eyebrows, always deeper on the left side, his eyes having lost their usual mirth and teasing when they looked at you. “I haven't felt good all morning, and the boss sent me home. The boss caught me puking in my trashcan and wouldnt take no for an answer.”

Mike let his fingers sink in lightly while pulling you into his lap, your hands sliding to lock around his neck. “Well why were you puking? This morning you seemed fine.” His brows furrowed as a worried thought niggled his mind, and blossomed into a full panicked look as it really settled in. “Wait, your not-?” his eyes widened in his panic, and you scoffed at him. 

“No so you don't have to worry Mike. Although it's great to see you panic if we should have been.” You snapped a bit although you knew you would have matched that panic as well, and he softened a bit, smoothing his hands along your lower back. 

“Sorry baby, you said puking and my mind went away with it.” Apologizing, he tilted his head a bit. “So, You going to put me out of my misery and tell me? Or do I have to keep making dumb ass assumptions?” 

You were still a bit irritated with his earlier remark, but were you really mad at Mike? Or were you just feeling like shit and everything was irritating you? You glanced back at his genuinely worried face, you softened to him for how worried he was. “I started to get cramps today, and they just ache badly today.” you sniffled a bit again, and Mike pulled you in closer for a hug, and you settled in against his chest. “And I feel terrible for coming into your space when you're working.” You said softly, and Mike shrugged, the movement making you pull back. 

“I could care less, you're not feeling good and this is home first, office second. Besides, I just started it. Not like I have any story yet to get down. Just an idea.” He turned his chair with you in his lap, and moved his finger over the keyboard to wake the laptop back up. You gave a slight chuckle seeing he literally had two whole lines.

“What have you been doing all morning?” You snicker a bit and he picks up Brians notes laying right next to them. 

“I have been trying to think of how to get this shit into something decent. Listen to this- Ally is a woman who has many ex-boyfriends who turned out to be losers. Now she believes that she can't find a good guy. But when she runs into one of her exes who is now a 'Prince Charming', she decides to look up all of her exes to see if any of them have changed for the better. When she has trouble locating them, she asks her neighbor Colin, who sleeps with a different woman every night and sneaks out the morning after to avoid talking to them, to help her.” He tossed it back down to the table. “Like anyone cares how many people someone slept with.”

You wrinkled your nose, and you knew you shouldn't say anything. Because you honestly had to agree with him, but that dark little voice in the back of your mind that seemed to always be there when you weren't feeling good poked at you. “Well some people, it does matter Mike.” You push to stand, and go around the counter to search out your midol from your purse. Grabbing the bag, you started to paw through the contents while Mike twisted his office chair to look at you. You could see this slight furrow in his brow as he went over what you had said. 

“Did it matter to you, when we talked about it ourselves Y/N? Cause you were pretty chill.” he asked, and you could see from the corner of your eye as you snatched your bottle that he was leaning forward in his chair, the curious look on his face was seriously wondering if you did or not. In that moment you just wanted to snap at him, he should know that you didn't nor ever would care who was a part of his past. Since it was just the past. 

“If I had cared, Mike, would I have asked you for your number on that first date? Of course I didn't give two shits about who you dated or fooled around with.” You retorted, shaking out a couple pills and popping them dry before screwing the cap back on and ditching the bottle back in your bag. Going to the fridge, you sought out water, which all were left were bottles half gone. Groaning, you dropped your head. “You haven't been to the store yet Mike?” you snapped as you shut the door, taking one of the bottles anyways. You weren't drinking tap water, that was for damn sure. 

“I was going to go this afternoon before you get home.” He brushed off your irritation in favor of your earlier comment, more keen to go back to the conversation you two were having before. “Did someone like say something about me before you even met up with me? Because we certainly didn't talk about our dating history for a while.” 

You leaned against the counter for a moment, rubbing at your face for a moment. “Why do you put everything off to the last minute Mike? You always do this, and then I’m left either having to nag you, beg you, and just end up doing it myself.” You grumbled, and ignored his question. “Can you go now please? So the water will be chilled by tonight.” you left him at his computer, going to crash on the couch and grab the remote. But Mike wasn't far behind, following you to the couch. 

“I will later, but I’m curious if someone said something to you? Like a warning?” He flopped down on the other end, his arm slinging along the back and looking at you intently. 

You flicked through stations and rolled your eyes. ‘Fuck Mike, it was so long ago, drop it. It doesn't matter who told me what before we even met. We're together, aren't we? I make my own decisions about someone.” 

“But someone did say something.” He pushed you once more, and you clench your hand around the remote hearing him keep on going. 

“Fucking hell Mike, you really wanna know. It's not exactly like you were dating anyone during that time. Mallory told me all about how you two would fool around and that maybe I needed un-fucking-winding. So she set us up. But you already knew that.” You toss the remote at him, and push off the couch. “Then I really liked you, so we made it work. But right this second, if you follow me to the bedroom, I will kick your ass out to the couch for the rest of the week.” you snapped, and left him there to brood, going into the bedroom with a sharp slam of the door. 

Mike winced when he heard the door slam, feeling bad now that he pushed for something that really didn't matter. That first hook up was two years ago, and you two had been together ever since. It just nagged at him in a way that he was shocked at, thinking that someone might have said “hey he's a player, be careful.” Maybe you were right, a small part of him might have cared? Not so much that he or you slept with a few people, but that anyone would actually care. 

Mike waited a few moments for things to cool down, he knew he shouldnt have pushed on such a stupid matter, cause it honestly didnt matter to him what anyone might have said. It was a stupid fight, and Mike wanted to make it up to you, apologize for upsetting you when you were already feeling so awful. Listening, he could hear you in the bedroom, opening drawers and snapping them shut then it went quiet. Pushing up from the couch, he approached the bedroom, and knocked on the door to ease it open. You were laying on the bed, a heating pad plugged in where your phone usually was. You had it resting on your stomach, and had your other arm slung over your face to block out the light. 

“I mean it Mike, you come in here looking to argue, I will scratch those blue eyes of yours out and leave you a blind man.” You threatened him, which he tried not to chuckle at, but a tiny one burst out while he went to stretch on the bed next to you, sliding his hands under your shirt to rub your back. 

“Im sorry Y/N, I was being kind of an ass.” He said, and you snorted a bit in agreement. Mike could feel the knots in your back loosen a little as you relaxed into his hand, and he pulled in closer to you. “Is it really bad this time?” he looked at the time, it had only been twenty minutes since you had taken your painkillers, still hadn't had a proper chance to kick in for you yet. 

You stretched a bit and pressed yourself back hard enough for him to know you wanted more pressure in his touch, which he did, digging in his fingers. You sighed a bit into your pillow. “It's messing me up this time Mike, not going to lie.” You twisted your head to glance over your shoulder, and your look softened a bit when you saw how concerned he did look. So you twisted to lay on your back and look up at him. “I'm sorry to Mike, I came in looking for a fight because of how I was feeling. Your script will be good, and people who do care probably have boring sex lives.” You joked a bit while lifting a hand to let the back of your fingers brush against the rasp of his beard. It made you tingle to feel it, and his hand slipped along your waist and over your belly where the heating pad didn't cover.  

“You know there are other ways to help you.” Mike started, looming over you slightly and you wrinkled your nose, knowing what he was talking about. It always made you feel a little guilty though, like it was something he had to do, not that he wanted to do. All in your head, you knew, but the thought still had manifested there after that time he ended up being late on a deadline cause of a weekend of him taking care of you. 

You shrugged a bit and shook your head. “You don't have to do anything, you should probably get back to your script. Brian’s going to want to see it in a few days.” You brushed it off, but Mike wasn't about to be deterred, because he knew how much better you felt afterwards, and he enjoyed making you feel good immensely. 

“I know I don't have to “do anything”, but how about I want to?” He pushed up off the bed, and reached down to grasp your hands and ease you up into a sitting position, making you groan and pull off the heating pad, being sure to click it off. Mike gave you what he hoped would be a promising grin to get you in the mood. “Fuck that script, I rather have some dirty sex… in the bed?” He questioned, and you gripped his hands tighter, pulling yourself up. 

“You're not going to leave me in peace to wither and die are you?” You scoffed as you side stepped him to grab a couple towels, and draped them over your arm. “Shower, mess be minimal, and the hot water will help my back.” Mike came up behind and ran his hands along your sides, while kissing on your neck, making you sigh a bit in appreciation. That rasp of beard followed by soft velvet lips always did something, even now your toes were curling up the more he did it. 

Getting in the bathroom, he reached and grabbed the towels from you, tossing them on the bathroom counter. “Absolutely not going to let you wither and die, you know how much work it would be to find another awesome girlfriend like you?” He cupped your face, dragging you into a kiss while you grabbed the hem of his shirt and pulled it off when he pulled away, he mimicked you and pulled your top off over your head and discarding them wherever they happened to land. 

“Ooh I like being awesome. How awesome am I Mike?” You wiggled your brows at him, and reached behind you to unclasp your bra, which Mike eagerly drew off you when you got it unclasped and cupped your breasts, massage them lightly, thinking about what to say. Thumbs circled around your sensitive nipples and you took a slight inhale that Mike happened to hear, causing him to do it a little harder the next time around. “You're always so sensitive right now, I absolutely love it.” Mike admitted while massaging his palms into the globes, you ended up arching into his touch and dropped your hands to his pants to start working open his belt. 

“You didn't answer me, pain in the ass.” You tugged the belt open and popped open the button, sure to watch him as you pressed your hands under the boxer band and wrapped fingers around his cock. You felt him twitch in your hand, a hitch in his breath as his normally bright blue eyes darkened. “Am I distracting you a little too much?” 

He took a deep breath as you sunk to the floor, Mike's hand falling to the bathroom counter, his knuckles turning white while he gripped the counter at the anticipation. “Here I thought I was supposed to make you feel better?” Seeing you kneeling, giving him that sultry fuck look from under your lashes while darts of your tongue teased your lips. A tug on his jeans dragged them down further so you could pull his cock out, giving measured firm strokes and breaking eye contact to look at his erection instead, sliding a thumb around his head and dragging your thumb back to your lips to suck your fingertip.

“You are making me feel better. Well actually, hand me a towel?” you arched up to bring your face closer to him, your free hand held out while Mike handed you a towel in which you put under your knees to get comfy. “See you helped me.” Giving a teasing wink, you twist your head to give him a trailing lick of your tongue along the underside of his cock and spit to lube him in your hands. A kiss of your lips to the tip made him shudder com watching the sinfully sweet act, and then you spread your lips to lower your mouth on him and suck with a moan. Already he was cursing above you under his breath as he did his best to not look away. 

“Fuck baby” Mike grunted, and you widened your mouth to draw him in further, fluttering your tongue around him while rubbing your hands against the front of his thighs till you circled fingers around the base, pumping him where your mouth couldnt take him yet. You relished the taste and heaviness on your tongue, lips drawing him in further to leave a wet trail on his cock when you bobbed your head faster. Heavy breaths flared your nostrils while you hummed your satisfaction till he hit the back of your throat. His hips rocked to meet your bobbing head until you gagged around his girth. “Just a bit more baby.” Mike grunted as his hands went to cup your face, fingers digging in your cheeks. Mike's head tipped back, and your gaze rolled upwards to see his adam's apple bobbing up and down, the muscles in his torso tighten, and where your hands grasped his thighs to hold on while he face-fucked you, kept flexing. “Fuck… FUCK…” He pulled you off him, his hips stuttering to a stop and his cock weeped with desire to shoot his load. The thick white dribble looked too tempting to you. Your tongue tip curled out and you darted back in close to give a kitten lick to the tip, cleaning the drool and precum off and maybe just to tease him slightly, knowing how close he was. 

“God your a fucking little brat.” He hissed at your antics, stepping away and leaning down to grasp your upper arms, and bring you back up while kicking off his pants and boxers fast as he could, making you giggle at how strained he sounded. 

“Get out of those clothes.” He instructed as he reached in the shower to start the water and stumbled in. You were tugging your pants off, and getting ready as you heard him swear in the shower. “Fucking water.” You open the curtain to see him drenched already, trying to wiggle the knobs to the proper temperature. 

“Well why did you already get in Mike?” you ask, putting your hand in the water to make sure it wasn't too cold, when he reached out to wrap an arm around your waist and drag you in with him making you squeal as the water was still adjusting to temperature. Mike backed you up against the showers wall, his hands rubbing your hips while kissing your lips with a hunger that made your head spin, and your hands grasped the back of his neck and head to hold on. 

Pulling away from your mouth, and working his lips against your neck, you tilted your head back into the stream to feel the warmth wash over your sore body twitch a groan. The hot water had already started to fog up the small space. “I was hoping the cold water would cool me off, I want…” Lap of his tongue moved over your jawline. “... to be…” his hand swept down your stomach and cupped your mound between your clenched thighs to stroke your folds. “... inside you when I cum.”

You pulled away a bit to look at him, biting at your lip which caused his eyes to drop down too, wanting to pull at it because of the way you teased yourself . But your words brought him back to you. “It really doesn't bother you Mike? That I'm on my period?” That bit of self doubt starting to come back to the front of your mind, bringing along guilt that maybe he didn’t enjoy this like you did.

He gave a roll of his eyes and nipped at your lips, sliding his tongue over that bottom lip before pulling it from your teasing teeth, laying his own mark on you to cover your bite from before. “We’ve done this many times Baby. Only boys would care about such a thing, good thing I’m not a boy.” He surged to claim all your senses, his fingers spreading your folds to start touching you in a way that would drive you crazy. 

You kareened when you felt his fingers start to tease you, his hand planting on the wall as his upper body leaned in closer, eyes staring into yours while rubbing from your clit to your entrance, watching as your breathing picked up and your eyes turned into a needing glaze. “Ahh, just like that, huh baby. Fuck I love how sensitive you get during this time.” He wasn't wrong, everything felt amplified, his fingers felt thicker as he started to pump one into you, your core was hotter, your arousal seeping down your thigh to mix with the hot water. 

It wasn't long till your thighs were spreading further for him, and you rocked slightly to meet his fingers plunging back into you, his strokes making you clench tightly around him, as well as grasp his biceps to keep yourself from losing your balance. Mike loved watching your jaw drop as you were fluttering around his thick fingers, sobbing out when Mike twisted his palm slightly to grind the heel of his hand against your clit. “Mike! Oh too much.” you tried pushing him away while moving your hips faster, but he was too solid and was driven to have you come all on his palm. Mike nudged his nose against your jaw to tip your head back, licking the running water  streaming down your neck with a low timbre voice making his demands. “Come on baby, this is just the first one.” 

Just the first one. Fuck

You dug in your fingers while you rode out your orgasm that crashed over you, Mike slowing his pumps down so you could come down from your high, tilting his head to give you an open mouthed kiss. And he started again to bring you up, his fingers sliding in your sensitive pussy, his thumb sweeping around your clit slowly. “Mike,” you whined softly against his mouth, your forehead pressed against his. His fingers knew just where to touch you. He was able to go much deeper than your own fingers could ever reach. Mike thrummed you again, nudging his nose against yours to have you focus on him. “You're going to come for me once more Pretty Girl, I love how you flood my hand, riding my fingers with that greedy pussy of yours.” His tongue licked over your lips, and greedily you sucked on his tongue rocking harder to meet his fingers faster. Your second orgasm is coming fast, as sensitive as you were. “Ahhh good girl, I'm going to add another cause you're taking me so well.” Mike bit at your lip teasing as your eyes widened, a third finger stretched you, and he smirked, still holding your gaze. “Squeezing so tight baby, you should make yourself cum now Babe.” 

You started falling apart once more and Mike let his chest press against yours and your arms locked around his neck, burying your face in his shoulder as he feathered kisses up and down your neck. “Did I tell you yet I love you?” His erection pressed against your stomach, still hard and demanding as when your mouth had been wrapped around it and you rubbed yourself against it, purring in his ear. “Show me Mike.” Your toes curled as remains of your orgasm raced up your spine, any pain you had been in before was replaced with fluttering clenching muscles, and languid pleasure seeping in your system. 

Mike's hands fell to the back of your thighs, and he slipped your legs up to swing around his waist, and position yourself to take him. “I'm glad you finally accepted this suggestion.” Mike let go of your thighs once you were holding onto him, and he pressed his cock through your folds, feeling your wet heat welcoming to accept him. You nodded in a rush, blinking out the water pelting over you. 

“Yes, Fuck Mike you feel so good, its driving me insane.” You tried pressing yourself on him, and when he pressed in against your sensitive channel, clenching around him as he worked himself into your pussy. “Yes, oh yes.” stiffening against him when he thrusted to bury himself in, rutting against you to make you cry out as he started slow, letting you appreciate the hard drag through you. It wasn’t long though when Mike started to pound himself into you, and your bouncing breasts moved in his face. He freed a hand to massage them, almost on the verge of a blissed pain how his teeth sucked in the curve, and the lash of his tongue dragging over your pebbled flesh till he could pull on it. Stretch the nerves to quiver and mess with your rational thought, till all you could focus on his mouth, hot and wetter then even the steam of water pouring from above, the feeling of Mike's cock driving in harder and harder, sure that you felt him almost kiss your womb, fighting the urge to cum already. Your hands scrambled for purchase against his back, which clenched under your nails digging in, flexing and tightening with each pounding thrust trying to lay claim to your orgasm. 

“I can feel you, you want to, your body is trying to.” He moaned into your breasts his face was buried against, his scruff rough between your cleavage. You back bounced off the tile of the bathroom wall at these words, you wanted to deny him, keep feeling him driving back the pain, and keeping you on the edge of pleasure. But it was all so overwhelming, and you caved, cumming again to flood his cock with your arousal, clenching around him. “God your so fucking tight around me. Trying to get me to cum in you.” Mike grunted, and you just squeezed him more, wanting it, so badly to feel filled with him. 

“Course I want it, don't you dare pull out.” You cried, flexing around him again as his balls slapped against you and you tighten your legs around him to keep him with you. His grunts became more feral, his tongue marking your skin while he chased water droplets like a man dying of thirst, and you saw nothing but sparks filled your vision while he groaned into your ear that he too was close. You whined as you gave one last demanding squeeze, your own demand that he fill you, which he did. Happily shooting himself to fill you, spreading himself deeper and both of you ended blissed around each other

You lean into him, taking deep breaths against his shoulder while his arm slings around your waist. “Okay, I got you babes. We really do need to get a mat for this tub though. Almost slipped a few times.” You giggle into his neck before straightening, unlocking your legs from around his waist to lower to a stand, careful cause it was slippery. Reaching down, you flick the water back to the facet, and Mike cranks both the knobs off, the last of the water rushing down the drain. Pulling back the curtain, Mike stepped out, and grabbed the last towel on the counter and handed it to you, which after you two stepped out you started rubbing your body down to dry. 

He grasped the one you had used for your knees earlier, rubbing it over his head, and whisking across his body, but he was done quick and had yanked on his boxers. You immediately reached down and grabbed his tee from earlier, slipping it on and went to the counter to brush out your hair before it dried in a mess. Knowing you would come out when you were ready, Mike went and stretched out on the bed, leaning against the headboard and flicked on the tv, flipping channels until you came out all dressed for a day in bed. Moving around the bed, you tumbled into your side of the mattress. 

You curl up against Mike's side, and he hands the remote over so his arm can circle around your shoulders and let his fingertips brush along the soft part of your upper arm. “Feeling any better Babes?” He tilted his head to look down at you while you focused on the tv, and you hummed, tilting up to put a thank you on his lips. “Much, all relaxed and sated, thank you Handsome.” Mike couldn't deny that made his chest swell a bit, proud and pleased his girl was now feeling better. He dropped a kiss to the top of your head as you finally stopped at the beginning of Con Air. 

“Nicholas Cage?” Mike mused as he looked up, and you tugged the blankets over the two of you while you twisted, leaning your back against Mike's chest, and your head on his shoulder. 

“Damn straight Mike, Cage, Malkovich, and Buscemi? Doesn't get better.” your love of 90’s movies didn't bypass Mike, so he wasn't surprised. It didn't take long though till you had passed out, within the first 15 minutes of it, and Mike stayed for a while before it was apparent you were really passed out. He eased away, and shifted you enough so you were comfy against the pillows. Going to put his clothes back on, he looked in the shower and went under the sink looking for a quick spray to wipe down the shower with. Running a cloth over the wall, and using the shower head, he rinsed away any bloody traces that might have been left behind. Mike didn't want you happening across it, and having to deal with it yourself. Once he was satisfied, he took care of everything and flicked the lights off to go back in the room, seeing you still sound asleep and relaxed.

Mike went over to your side of the bed to grab the heating pad you discarded earlier and put it on low. Laying it against your lower back as you rolled to hug a pillow against your chest. Snapping the blankets up around you as he started to leave the room, he turned the tv down a few notches, and eased the door almost to a shut. 

Mike knew he probably should work on his script, you were right earlier that Brian would be wanting to see it soon, but he bypassed his computer. Grabbing his wallet and phone, he stuffed them in his back pocket. At the kitchen counter he scribbled a quick note, should you wake up. He didn't want to set your phone off and wake you up by sending a message to it. ~went to go pick up that water, message if you need anything baby. XO Mike.~ 

Leaving the apartment, when he hit the street his hands found their way into his pockets, and he whistled happily. Sure he might have gotten jack shit done for work so far, but he spent his morning loving on his girl, and if that isn't life goals, damned if Mike knew what would actually be better. Reaching the local shop the two of you used near the apartment. The door’s bell jingled when he pushed it open, the clerk lifting her head to see who was coming in and gave a grin seeing him. “Hey Mike, wondering if I was seeing you today.” 

Mike grabbed a hand basket, winking at the clerk. “Of course MissThompson, my day wouldn't be complete without you.” he flirted with the older woman, making her chuckle a bit as he went down the first aisle. He grabbed a few things you two typically needed, a loaf of that specialty bread for toast that you liked, a tin of bbq pringles he liked snacking on when watching a game, a bar of chocolate you swore up and down you required during this time, he was also sure to grab a couple gallons of water to bring home. Wandering back towards the counter, Miss Thompson cleared her newspaper off the counter for him to set his stuff down. 

“Did you see the fall stuff Mike? I think Y/N would really like them.” She pointed at a small display table nearby, which was covered with a few pumpkin trinkets, some homemade baked goods, and candles. Mike wandered over, and started picking through the items. “She would like them wouldn't she, and she's been having a rough day.” He mused outloud and Miss Thompson tutted in sympathy. Glancing over the stuff, he picked up a few different candle holders, a box of autumn tinted macaroons, and some pumpkin pastries that he knew would remind you of home. Bringing it up to the counter, Miss Thompson gave an approving smile and was quick to ring it up for Mike. “I think she’s gonna appreciate it all.” 

“She does love fall, always going on about home this time of year.” Mike stated as he took out his card and gave it a swipe, his stuff was bagged, and he juggled the bag in one arm and the water in the other. “Probably see you tomorrow.” 

“You know I will be here.” Miss Thompson offered as Mike worked the door open, and headed home. Once he arrived back at the apartment, he was quiet while slipping off his sneakers, and dropping off his arm loads at the kitchen counter where his note went untouched. Scooping it up and crumpling to shoot into the basket, he paused long enough to make sure he made it, giving a fist pump when it landed inside. Quietly he went down the hall, and pushed the door open a bit to see you were still sleeping. You looked soft in your sleep, relaxed and peaceful. You had rolled once more in your sleep, your arm holding the heating pad to your stomach. 

Leaving you in peace, he went back out to take care of what he purchased, sure to put one of the jugs of water in the fridge. Then he spread the ornaments around the coffee table, and set the desserts out on a tray, leaving them on the coffee table as well. Thinking about what else he could do to surprise you, he left the apartment once more to go down to the storage unit in the basement of the apartment complex, just knowing you had to have some of your treasured halloween decorations, stored away in a bright orange bin with a jack o'lantern drawn on the front. Once he saw the tote and pulled it down, he popped it open to double check, and sure enough you had it packed with lights, halloween trinkets, more candle holders, and foam pumpkins. Securing the lid, he brought it up to the apartment, and set it down. 

Unpopping the top, he started to pull out the lights, and untangle them. Looking around at just where to hang them, already he was picturing how you had it set up last year, and grinned to himself, knowing exactly how he wanted it to look for you. 

Several hours later, you stretched out with a yawn, turning to grab your phone and see it was later in the afternoon. Pushing up to a sit and rubbing at your eyes as you push off the bed, You headed to use the bathroom. Once finished, You came out several moments later, now sporting shorts and a warm sweater just looking for the coziness of the soft material. You pulled your hands into the sleeves, grasping the cuffs in your fingertips to play with the soft material while you left the bedroom. Before you even entered the kitchen, you could hear the clickity clack of Mike's keys on his laptop, and you smiled to yourself. From the rate the keys were clicking, he must have figured out a storyline. 

Stepping into the kitchen, you stalled as your eyes roamed over the orange and purple lit up apartment, Mike had hung up your halloween lights around the tv, and living room, along the counter and bookshelves were orange pumpkins glowing, one corner by the door was a scarecrow and your foam pumpkins, like it was the front porch you didn't have yet. On the TV was paused on a Harry Potter movie, and you took a step further into the room, hovering your hand over one of the candle light holders, enjoying the heat for a second before moving on. “Mike, this is… wow, I didn't think you really cared if I decorated or not.” 

Hearing you he spun his chair away from his laptop, holding his hand out and when you went to him, he tugged you into his lap, circling around your waist. “I wanted you to wake up to something I knew you loved. Plus you've been too busy at work to decorate.” He kissed your shoulder and rested his chin on it while you slid your fingers gently up and down the back of his neck. 

“You are right Mike, I do love it, Thank You.” you hummed lightly and wrapped your arms around his neck to give him a hug, pulling in close. “And all those new pumpkins? Where did they come from?” You slid off his lap and went to go look closer at the new additions, tweaking them just a bit to put them where you wanted them, biting your lip excitedly. Mike was sure to save his work, and closed the laptop. Following you into the living room, he wrapped his arms around your waist. “Miss Thompson insisted you would like them. Want me to throw a pizza in the oven and we crash on the couch to watch a few halloween movies?” 

You twisted in his arms, and grasped his face, tilting up to kiss his lips with a teasing nip. “Yes, please. Anything I can do to help?” you fall back to the flat of your feet, and Mike leads you into the kitchen. “Bring us a couple drinks out to the living room, and as soon as I get this in the oven, I will be out to join you.” You grab a couple beers from the fridge, and make your way while Mike is turning on the oven and flipping the box to read the directions to himself. Entering the living room once more, you set the beers on a couple coasters, and fall onto the couch. In front of you were all sorts of sweet treats. You leaned forward, grabbing a pie when your empty stomach started to rumble, your teeth sank into the delicate pastry as you leaned your head back, moaning softly at the flaked crust and sweet filling with the taste of pumpkin, nutmeg, cinnamon and allspice. The spices tickle your taste buds, and the sweetness soothed it away. 

Mike came around the back of the couch, seeing you slowly chewing and giving that satisfied moan, moving to fall down next to you, arching a brow. “That better than the shower?” he teased you, and your eyes sprang open, shaking your head. 

“This just tastes good.” You grinned as you leaned forward to set it down and moved to straddle his lap, dipping for kisses against his lips, where your tongue slid along the seam of his lips till you could work past them, rolling your tongue against his, and he was caught unaware at how you would taste. A mix of your usual sweetness and the desert danced on his tongue, and his hands moved to grasp the back of your hair, to hold you in place, effectively take your kiss as his own. “You taste and feel good.” you pulled enough away to say before he closed the slight space to claim you all over again, strokes of his tongue teasing you.

Your hips started grinding, shifting yourself enough to straddle just one of his thighs while your hands slid along his shoulders, and you started to arch a bit more, a bit faster, harder as you pushed down. Mike's hands fell to your hips, helping you along by guiding you up and down. He pushed forward a bit to draw himself in closer, pulling his mouth from yours and muttering. “That's it pretty girl, make yourself cum again.” you nodded slightly and he pulled you down on his flexing thigh, making you toss your head back when it made your clit throb and your breathing come out in a rush. “Again Sir…” 

“Sir?” Mike pulled back, his blue eyes twinkling at you while he watched you pick up speed, chasing your end. Your fingers curled, clutching at his shirt and digging into his shoulders. 

“It slipped out Mike, I'm so close now.” your voice high pitched whine. You needed that rush, so close that you could taste that pleasure almost. Your movements started stuttering as your own muscles ached and Mike was quick to take over, picking up the speed you had before and you started chanting. “Yes, yesyesyesyes, fuck please.” 

One of Mikes hands snaked up to grasp the back of your head, tilting your head back and he pressed his face against your neck, chaining kisses and nips while whispering. “Come on Pretty Girl, I need you to come now.” Behind you the oven started alarming and the sense of urgency overcame you, to just rock on his thigh, your knee brushing against his hard on in his pants, and you were cumming for him, whimpering as you rode it out and you went slack, Mike loosening his hard grips and rubbing your back as he slid you off his thigh. “I gotta go check that pizza.” 

You nodded as he pushed off the couch, grabbing at his crotch to try and give himself some room, making you hide your face on the couch and giggle. You heard the squeak of the oven door and a soft “Shit” from Mike as a clang of a pizza pan went on top of the stove. “Babe, it's a bit crispy, but not terrible.” You wriggled to pull yourself up to kneel on the couch, leaning against the back to watch him in the kitchen look for the pizza cutter in a drawer. 

“Not a big deal. Crispy pizza is worth that orgasm.” You couldn't hide the grin as Mike was quick to slice the pizza into slices, and slide a couple on each plate while grasping the paper towels to tuck under his arm. 

“You can start the movie, and fuck you were about to make me blow my load in my jeans watching you. And that ‘Sir’? We still have to discuss that.” He sauntered back into the living room, while you were searching for the remote on the coffee table. Sure to hit play, he waited till you were comfy, and set your plate on your lap. You grasp the first piece, working on taking the crust off and rip off a bite size piece. Your eyes went from the screen to Mike. 

“It just… happened in the moment Mike. Why, did you like it?” You popped your bite in your mouth, and Mike tilted his head, pondering it a moment. 

“You caught me by surprise, but I wouldn't mind hearing it again.” He stated, and you grinned, wiggling brows. 

“Just wait till the day I call you Daddy.” 

Mike groaned, tilting his head back against the couch with a groan. “Your gonna be the death of me Y/N.” 

You snorted while tucking up your legs, and smirking at him. “I can think of worst ways to go.” 

You cuddled up closer, laughing before you took another bite of your food, and Mike pulled you in closer, both of you turning your attention to the movie for the rest of the evening. 

[numbaoneflaya]

You can count on me to pull up with a thousand of questions sbdhdh. A3, A22, C5, D3, F3 for Jilly ; A18, A23, B9, C1, H2 for Nirn ; A5,B9, C8, D1, I5, for Thurwen ; A9, A13, C1, E8, and G6 for Valkya? 😏

A3, A22, C5, D3, F3 for Jilly ;

A3.Do they have any emotional or psychological conditions? Are they aware of it? Do they try to treat it?

Shawty got that stockholm syndrome in a way. She is…. Sometimes aware of it, though she wouldn't call it that any more. Maybe at first in the basement she was more aware, but now that she can come and go she thinks its a thing of the past. tries not to dwell on it. Kind of in a “well its literally not that bad its kind of fun its kind of romantic were just quirky <3” way, will get mad if someone insists she has stockholm or that the relationship is fucked. Will get enraged and upset on Vincent's behalf, probably cry and yell at you.

A22. Is your OC intended to be found generally attractive? Unattractive? Average? Is there a reason why?

I intended her to be fairly average, maybe kind of cute. It's generally the way she dresses/acts in public that draws attention, not her looks. I tend to make most of my ocs on the average scale besides a select few.

C5. Do your OC’s morals and rules of common decency go out the window when it comes to those they don’t like, or when it’s inconvenient? Aka, are their morals situational?

Good question…. Jillys morals are pretty simple- always be kind and nice, murder and hurting other people is bad, and you shouldnt lie. She sticks to those pretty strictly herself despite the situations she gets put in, often to her own detriment. But she doesn't always put a stop to those behaviors from the people she surrounds herself with, so she's sort of accomplice to bad acts of violence just by not snitching. So somewhat situational? She tries not to think about it.

D3. How comfortable are they with the idea of death?

Not comfortable! She hadn't seen a lot of it before her early twenties and was always sort of sheltered. dead fish are flushed down the toilet bcs they go to the ocean to live again, right? Thought cows and such all died of old age peacefully before they were made into burgers until she was like… twelve. 💀Won't kill mice and other critters despite her prey drive bcs she would feel too bad. And this is just for animal death, she's much more uncomfortable with human death. Also a thing she tries to ignore.

F3. Could they ever live in a “tiny home”?

God no. She hates small spaces unless she's hiding in them and tiny homes have no room for all the shit she stashes! No room for zoomies, or climbing on the furniture, or wrestling around on the floor. It would be filled with junk within a week.

A18, A23, B9, C1, H2 for Nirn ;

A18. Do they get jealous easily? Do they feel bad if they do?

He's never had much to be jealous of, as he's never really been over involved in romantic relationships. They were usually mutually beneficial and somewhat clinical in nature. Hes also pretty sure of himself and his value as an asset and lover. If he finds someone who peaks his interest and they become an item though, he might get jealous if he catches them flirting with other people. Hell be peeved at first but know flirtation in business has its value, so to make himself feel better might flirt with someone else while they are nearby. Make a game of it, see who wins.

A23. Does your OC place much importance on their appearance? Do they feel confident in it?

Appearances are crucial to him and spends a lot of time and money making sure he looks his best. He needs to appear above the rabble and impenetrable, dressing well and having immaculate posture and an air of both grace and otherworldliness.

B9. What kind of humor does your OC like the most? Slapstick, ironic, funny sounds, scare pranks, xD sO rAnDoM…

Definitely not one to find fart jokes funny. Very rarely laughs genuinely or full heartedly, he keeps all his expressions of emotion close to his chest. Sharp sardonic wit is appealing to him in the right circumstances, even a jab directed at himself can make him chuckle if it's well formed enough. Irony almost always gets him, even if its dark irony or gallows humor. Bit of a hard nut to crack. Would laugh enough that hed have to cover his mouth with his hand if he were to see Felix fall face first into mud, though. More often than not you can tell he finds something amusing by a gleam in his eyes and a slight squint.

C1. Does your OC have a moral code? If not, how do they base their actions? If so, where does it come from, and how seriously do they take it?

Well he used to have a real moral code :/. Now I mean…. The ends justify the means. By any means necessary. He considers his family's needs first, then the good of the world, then any individual in the world. Has ordered executions of entire families, had babies stolen and sent away, sent armies to certain death knowing full well they would all die, commanded individuals be tortured for information, sacrificed many in what he considers to be a game of chess where he is the player and others are the pawns. He finds senseless violence and savagery to be unforgivable, but if violence has a sense and purpose to employ it, then he will do so.

H2. Is your OC a thoughtful partner, in whatever aspect of that you want to cover?

Nirn tends to be a very thoughtful and attentive person in general, just for the wrong reasons lmaoooo. But with a lover? He's going to be utilizing that to show them how much he cares and using his powers for good. Mention you like a certain fabric while shopping one time and then complain your favorite tunic has a wine stain in it several months later, he's going to be taking your measurements for a new one in your preferred material without a moment's notice. Very keen on picking up moods, expressions and tone. Also has a very good memory. He doesn't really think about it but gifts are how he shows his love. Also a great attentive listener.

A5,B9, C8, D1, I5, for Thurwen ;

A5. Are they good at handling change in their life?

I would say so, yeah. Shes been used to things constantly changing since she was little and has had little to no control on outside influences. Shes also not one to over think about the past and lament, shes more of a one foot in front of the other, the only time is the present kind of gal. Of course large changes like becoming a warden were a bit more severe, but shes mostly able to think in the present as long as she has immediate problems to deal with.

B9.What kind of humor does your OC like the most? Slapstick, ironic, funny sounds, scare pranks, xD sO rAnDoM…

Slapstick is always gonna make her laugh as long as nobody gets seriously hurt, even if its her own ass tripping into a tree. Not a fan of scare pranks, 0/10 recommend trying to scare Thurwen. You will end up with a broken nose at best and an angry elf. Likes puns, but she's the one to groan at them and try and hide the grin spreading across her face. Gallows humor but only if its her in the gallows, otherwise doesn't find it funny at all. If a little kid calls someone a fartcicle she will be tears in the eyes giggling, which is hard when your warden commander and everyone looks toward you to be serious and mature gyshsdhdfsghsd.

C8. Is your OC more practical or ideal morally? I.e., do they hold people to high expectations of behavior even if it’s not realistic for the situation, or do they have a more realistic approach and adapt their morality to be more practical?

She definitely holds herself to moral ideals and is very hard on herself, but has realistic moral expectations for others. She can understand self serving and people only wanting to survive and she will only give people a little bit of shit for it, no one's perfect. But then she expects herself to be perfect and berates herself constantly for not living up to the hero of ferelden warden commander ideals.

D1. How religious is your OC? What do they practice, if anything? If they don’t associate with any religion, what do they think of religion in general?

Atheist ever since her mom died when she was a kid, but now Shes in a weird mixed state ever since the urn of sacred ashes where shes like. fuck the maker, but Andraste is cool I guess. So respects/believes in the power of Andraste while thinking the maker is a piece of shit and the chantry sucks ass. Even she doesnt know what she really believes, but she did see the ghosts of Andrastes disciples and Shartan, used her ashes as healing salve, killed an old god, etc. So shes been in a weird place recently, crisis of faith/non faith pretty continual.

I5. Are they a good cook?

I mean…. She can cook basics. Shes been feeding herself and the alienage kids since she was old enough to walk so she knows how to get protein and make things edible. Does it taste good? Probably not. She didnt see her first spice till she was 17 years old, but she can skin a rabbit in seven seconds.

LA9, A13, C1, E8, and G6 for Valkya? 😏

A9. Does your OC make a lot of excuses? For themselves? Others?

She tries to excuse bad behavior of herself or others a lot, yeah fgdgdsfhdhs. Mostly she doesnt have to make excuses for herself because she can wholeheartedly be like “yeah i fucked up but whatever im sexy and large and awesome and everyone loves me 🙄whatever baby” and when other people fuck up shes pretty sympathetic even though they are not as large nor as sexy. Shes very used to forgiving and excusing herself its totally alien to her when she really fucks up and is suddenly like wait… valkya…. Did bad?? What is this feeling. Shame?? Guilt?? IMPOSSIBLE.

A13. Does your OC have any phobias? If so, where did they come from?

She hates those giant bugs in morrowind and valenwood a whole fucking lot but I wouldnt exactly place it as a phobia. Those huge mosquitoes and haorvers got no respect but she really hates the morrowind bugs ever since they knocked her over and jumped her while she was pants down peeing drunk as hell in the sand :/ never forgave. Never forgot.

C1. Does your OC have a moral code? If not, how do they base their actions? If so, where does it come from, and how seriously do they take it?

She was raised in a healthy household that tought the basics, prety much “harming others needlessly, stealing, torture, rape, dessecrating the dead, being selfish and not doing right by others, etc etc all basic bad things” are her morals. Her morality is basically treat others how you want to be treated. And if they treat you badly, then have fun beating the shit out of them to show everyone else not to fuck with you. Its a pretty nordic morality in that way. Her morality is also since she was ‘blessed’ with being so large and strong, that she has to also look out for the little guy who cant protect themselves. So If someone treats them how valkya wouldn't want to be treated, then beat the shit out of the person harming them to show them the little guys got backup. Her parents raised her to be a hero and thats p much how she sees herself, which has its benefits and its fuckin problems.

E8. What’s one of your OC’s biggest regrets?

Fucking up Dem and Dariens relationship for sure dude :/ valkya always gonna be sulking over that one. She doesnt regret becoming a vestige, even though it would have made her so much happier not to be because it ended up saving so many people and the world. She regrets not spending more time with Naryu, regrets always having other life saving business she had to run off to, regrets not cherishing the time they had together. Regrets not telling Lyris how she feels, either. Regrets not being able to save as many people as she should have, regrets she wasnt stronger in coldharbor and didnt break out herself. But she tries not to think about it <3

G6. Do they have any favorite childhood memories?

When she was seven she once spent two months training to hold her breath underwater, because her cousin always held it longer and won the gold bet. She trained for hours almost drowning in the river until she could comfortably hold it for up to three minutes. During the next holiday when they all got together again the competitions were on and they both went under- her cousin won, holding their breath for four more minutes before they decided to come up. This was the first lesson she learned that shocked her world view- you always need to know your opponents capabilities. (after she lost 26 gold in the bets, her mother later had to inform her that her cousin was an argonian.)

[saxxxology]

BITTEN - Ch.4

After getting bitten by a werewolf, Sam finds himself trying to adapt to a brand new lifestyle that brings him closer to the girl he loves, but threatens to tear him apart from his family for good.

PAIRING: Alpha!Sam x Omega!Reader

WORD COUNT: ~2200

WARNINGS: non-consensual werewolf bite (not sexual), a/b/o dynamics: heat/rut, knotting, claiming, breeding kink, angst, time hop (season 9 to 12), and more.

NOTE: Edited by @kayteonline and @kittenofdoomage - please heed all warnings and enjoy! This is NOT intended to be a dark fic, but if you read something that bothers you, it is your responsibility to stop reading, keep scrolling past it, or contact me for content clarification.

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THIS WORK IS 18+ ONLY. DO NOT REPOST MY WORK ON ANY OTHER SITES.

Dean was in the kitchen when you walked up. He was cradling a large cup of coffee in one hand, and when he saw you emerge from the basement, his gaze fixed on you.

“How is he?” he asked urgently, “is he okay?”

You nodded. “It’s over. He’s fine, just hungry. Where’s Garth?”

“He went out with Bess. She’s in shock over what happened, so he took her to a safehouse out of state.” Dean watched as you pulled a pan from the rack on the wall and set it on the stove. “What do you mean by ‘fine?’”

“He’s not in pain anymore, his fever went down.” You cracked eggs into a bowl and whisked them around. “He just needs to recuperate for a few days, maybe a week.”

“Can I see him?” Dean asked.

You nodded and pulled a couple bagged chicken hearts from the fridge. “After he’s eaten. He’s gonna be stronger than normal for a while, so we gotta keep his human contact minimal.” You heard Dean exhale heavily as you started chopping the hearts into chunks. “Dean, I know you wanted to find a cure, but there’s nothing you could have done. I’ve seen people get bit and go through a lot worse. At least he’s alive. He’s a little different than he was yesterday, but he’s alive.”

Dean nodded and leaned against the counter. “You’re really intent on taking care of him, huh?”

“It’s my job to take care of my pack.” You replied, pulling four sausages from the fridge and tossing them in the pan, along with an entire pack of bacon. “Russ and Joba are gone. The Reverend’s… well, let’s just say I’m in charge of the pack, now. I care for Sam, deeply. If it were up to me I would have killed Joy myself so that didn’t happen.”

You heard Dean scoff, but when you looked at him you could see he was grinning.

“What?”

“Nothing.” Dean finished his beer and set the empty bottle on the counter. “Just… I never thought you’d actually spook over a guy getting turned.”

You shrugged. “I know when to care about someone getting bit. I wanted Sam to leave, I wanted him to forget about me, about the pack. I never wanted him to get bit.”

Dean nodded shortly. “The way I look at it now is, he could have been bitten and left to die. At least this way he’s got you and Garth and Bess to look after him, make sure he won’t get into trouble.”

You finished cooking in silence. Piling most of what you’d cooked onto a large plate, you slid one of the sausage links, a small pile of eggs, and several strips of bacon on a separate one, which you offered Dean. He accepted it gratefully, noting that you’d cooked the chicken hearts in  a separate pan. When you re-entered the basement, you found Sam sitting up and stretching his arms above his head.

“I could smell that from down here,” he muttered, turning his head to look at you, “is that normal?”

You handed him the plate and watched him begin to devour the food, shoveling a mixture of everything into his mouth with a fork that seemed comically small in his large hands. “Yeah, it’s pretty normal. And don’t worry about eating everything there, your appetite’s going to be pretty out there for the next couple days.”

Within minutes, Sam had completely annihilated the food on the plate. He tilted his head back against the wall, his lips parted as he sighed in satisfaction. “There was a heart in there, wasn’t there?”

“Two. Small ones, just chicken, nothin’ special.” You took the plate from him and set it down on the floor before snuggling into him. “How do you feel?”

Sam exhaled heavily and slipped an arm around your shoulders. “Not hungry anymore, definitely not tired… I feel strong. Stronger than before.” He flexed his arms, examining the muscles that bulged under the gray sleepshirt. He seemed bigger. “Actually, I feel like I need to run, get out…”

“There’s the punching bag.” You gestured to the slightly misshapen tool in the corner. “I can’t let you out yet, gotta know you can control yourself around humans.”

“Humans…” Sam looked down at his lap and swallowed. “That’s right, I’m not human anymore.”

You shook your head. “That’s not entirely true. You’re still human here,” you put a hand over his heart. “You’ll still be able to function like a human, your instincts are just rewired a bit, that’s all.”

Sam scoffed. “Yeah, what happens when I wolf out and go nuts?”

“That won’t happen.” You nuzzled his shoulder and stood with him as he shuffled over to the punching bag. He gave it an experimental nudge with his fist. “Want to see Dean?”

He nodded apprehensively. “Yeah, but I don’t wanna try to hurt him.”

“Sam, you won’t—”

“You don’t know that. Make sure I don’t try to hurt him.”

You bowed your head and trotted back up the stairs, closing and locking the cage door behind you. Dean was still waiting in the kitchen, and he stood upon seeing you emerge from the basement.

“You can see him, but we have to be careful,” you said quietly. “If he smells you he could try to get at you, that’s gonna be his first instinct. The cage door down there has silver on it, so if he tries anything it’ll hurt, bad, but I need you to stay on the stairs, keep your distance.”

Dean held his hands up as if in surrender. “Trust me, I’ll be keepin’ my distance.”

You led him down the basement, slowly, his boots clunking heavily on the thick wooden planks. You could hear the dull, repetitive THWACK of Sam’s fists against the punching bag, but after the basement door closed, they ceased, and the space fell silent as you and Dean came down the steps. A little more than halfway down, you motion for him to stop.

“Dean, stay here.”

He nodded quietly and waited for you to slip past the cage, locking it behind you.

Sam was standing in the corner by the punching bag, his arms folded across his middle. You motioned for him to walk over, but he shook his head. “Y/N, I can’t… I don’t want him to see me like this. I can smell him, I can hear his heartbeat.”

“You won’t hurt him.” You walked closer to him, reaching for one of his hands. “Sam, come on, I’ll be there. The door’s got silver on it, you won’t be able to get out.”

Sam lowered his voice. “What if I hurt you?”

“You won’t. Now come on.” You led him slowly over to the wire door. His heartbeat increased with every step, and you heard his breathing grow more and shakier.

When Dean came into view, you didn’t know if Sam was going to recoil or lunge at the gate. He could hear Dean’s heartbeat, steady and slow, the rush of blood pumping through his veins, traces of whiskey and cedar covering up the thick, coppery scent…

...No, stop it! That’s your brother! You wouldn’t bite your own brother!

“Sammy?” Dean’s voice was quiet as he took another step down the stairs. “Hey, it’s me.”

Sam paused, took a deep breath. “I know.” He looked down at the ground and closed his eyes, trying as hard as he could to stop from hurling himself at the wall of the cage. “How’ve you been?”

“Uh, worried, for one,” Dean chuckled in an attempt to lighten the mood, “I went out for a little during the night, tried looking for a cure or something…”

“Yeah.” Sam swallowed and clenched his fist. He didn’t know what the fuck was happening, but all he wanted to do was break out of the cage and rip his brother’s chest apart, get at the thick, pulsing muscle that was hidden behind bone and sinew, devour the warm, blood-drenched organ that kept his brother alive…

No! Goddamn it! Stop!

“I thought you’d be gone.” Sam cleared his throat as a fresh wave of hunger washed over him.

“Had to make sure you’re okay, didn’t I?” Dean caught your warning glance to stay where he was and decided not to take the last two steps down. Hell, he might be too close already. “How do you feel?”

Sam swallowed thickly as you increased the pressure on his hand. “Honestly, I feel good. I’m strong, I’m not hurting, just wanna get the hell out of here.”

“And why can’t you?” Dean shifted his gaze back and forth between you and Sam.

“Because if I get out of here I’m not gonna be able to stop myself from trying to hurt you or someone else,” Sam stated bluntly.

Dean seemed taken aback by Sam’s words. Apparently, he hadn’t considered just how dangerous Sam really was until he’d said it. “Sam, you wouldn’t.”

“You don’t know what I’d do, Dean, hell, I don’t know what I’d do.” Sam’s body trembled as he spoke, but he stood his ground. “The only reason I’m not going after you right now is that I know I shouldn’t, but if Y/N wasn’t here with me, if this happened somewhere else… I don’t know if either of us would be alive right now.”

You saw Dean swallow, saw his Adam’s apple bob in his throat, and heard Sam growl, low and deep in his chest.

“Sam, don’t say that.”

“You’re not in the place to tell me what to do, Dean.” Sam retorted. “I’m a monster, both of us know that. You don’t know how… how hungry I feel right now. I don’t have a friggin’ clue what’s making me feel this way, but if you weren’t my brother… I’d kill you, without thinking.”

Looking up, you noticed Sam’s upper lip beginning to twitch. He was starting to lose control. “Dean, I think you should go, this isn’t—”

Dean, obviously, didn’t listen. Instead, he did the worst thing he could. He took another step, closing the distance between him and his brother by another two feet.

Overcome by hunger, Sam snapped. You saw his eyes flash yellow as his instinct to attack sprang free. He snarled, his lips curling back over his teeth as his muscles bunch. He lunged forward, slamming all two-hundred pounds of his body against the cage. His long fingers were pointed in two-inch claws, which curled in the wire before he stumbled back with a yelp of pain; the silver on the wire had seared his skin.

Dean fell back when Sam crashed against the cage, bringing an arm up instinctively to protect his face.

“Dean!” You shouted, pulling Sam back against the far wall and holding him there. “Get out! Now!”

You saw Dean stagger to his feet his eyes fixed on the snarling beast of a man now ten feet away from him. He was staring at Sam with a mixture of fear, anger, and sorrow on his face. Sam took several half-gasping, half-growling breaths before reeling himself back in. He collapsed to the floor, his fingers pressing hard into the smooth concrete. He bowed his head as his body shook even harder.

“D-Dean, I’m sorry!” He gasped out. “I didn’t mean to, I couldn’t help—”

The door at the top of the stairs slammed before Sam could finish, and seconds later you heard the rumble of the Impala’s engine and the grind of her tires scraping on the dirt road as she tore out of the drive and down the road.

Sam’s shoulders heaved with a sob as he collapsed back, breathing hard as he fought to still his shaking hands. The claws had vanished and his eyes were back to hazel, but he still shook with panic. “I didn’t mean to do that,” he choked, “I didn’t—I didn’t—”

“Sam, it’s okay, he’s just gone to cool off.” You soothed him. “He’ll be back, I promise.”

Sam shook his head and reached to grip your hand as you rubbed his shoulder soothingly. “No way in hell. He saw me snap and that was it. He thinks I’m a monster.” He turned his head, and you saw tears streaming from his now hazel eyes. “I am a monster.”

You sat next to him and wrapped your arms around him as tight as you could. “Oh, Sam, it’s all right. You’re not a monster, you’re not. You’re adapting to a new lifestyle, and yeah, you have some different urges, but you’re just starting out. It’s barely been an hour since you woke up, I didn’t expect you to stay under control.” You hugged him tighter and let him bury his face in the curve of your neck. “Dean got spooked, that’s all. He’ll come back.”

“Will he?” Sam straightened his back and practically glared down at you. “How can you know that? Hm? Tell me how you know my brother’s gonna come back thinking I’m still the guy he grew up with.”

TAGS FOR THIS SERIES ARE OPEN

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[masosade]

Maso’s Escape

Warnings: Contains mentions of torture, lots of blood, mentions of vomit and, obviously, violence

x-x

"Rise and shine! It's another beautiful day to get tortured, you useless bag of shit~" Alice sang as she entered into the dark, musty chamber, which smelled worse every time, she felt.

Unlike her prisoner, she was refreshed and well rested after a peaceful night in cuddling with her sweetheart. It was the first day back in the Grimdark Office after her stay ('VACATION' as Birch insisted stubbornly) at Morayne's Office, which sat quiet and undisturbed most of the time and Alice was ready to return back to business, to start anew with fresh motivation, and that meant taking out the trash first.

She kicked the limp form sitting in its chair to wake it. Its four arms were shackled to the tattered armrests and its feet, bare and bruised despite not having moved in the last months, were bound tightly to the chair's legs.

The figure reacted slowly, first flexing its hands and then lifting its head up at her, like it had just been woken from a nap. Which it wasnt — Alice had made sure Maso had been unable to sleep ever since she caught him.

Sure she could’ve just let Melissa torment him with his own personal nightmares, but nothing felt quite as bad as not being able to sleep. For months.

Any sane human would’ve broken down at that alone. But Alice prided herself in creativity when it came to cruelty, so depriving Maso of his sleep was just one in many tactics she used to utterly break his spirit.

She grabbed a handful of Maso's hair and yanked it back, forcing him to squint up at her.

"Didnt you hear my greeting?" She sneered. "It’s only polite to return it."

His eyes were unfocused, confused, bloodshot. Dark rings circled his lids both where his eyes were and where he used to have an extra pair, which had been self inflicted mutilation. He was a sad, mismatched mutation of two Stanleys brutally fused together under the name of science, and now this pitiful body only housed a broken soul. He was doomed to die alone in misery and Alice couldnt be more pleased.

Pleased because, no matter what he endured, she had suffered far worse at the hands of the god he sacrificed her to back in spring. No matter how he hurt, he had inflicted more pain on both her and her loved one. There was no room for sympathy in Alice’s eyes.

Maso’s gaze finally focused and instead of the look of fear Alice was expected, he simply grinned. It stretched slowly from one side to another, like syrup pooling reluctantly out of its glass.

"Heyyy," he croaked hoarsely. By now his vocal chords had endured torment of its own with his screams and incessant rambles followed by weeks of silence. It was awful to listen to, he sounded like rusty hinges grating on sand.

Alice's glee disappeared and she dropped his head, wiping her hand on her dress in disgust.

"What are you smiling at?" She snapped.

"Eevvvery time I look at you," Maso began, but stopped. He straightened up and flexed his hands again.

"...every time, I think about how funny it was to watch you get your ass kicked by Cipher." He finished, grinning. Impishly. A sure fire way to get Alice pissed and she would’ve smacked him across the mouth earlier, but something had distracted her.

"Whats wrong with your hand?"

"Aww, dont you remember? You cut off four of my fingers last month."

"Yes. Last month.” Alice took one of Maso's hands and pulled it up to examine it closer.

Maso's smile widened, but she didnt notice.

"It’s bleeding. It hasnt scabbed or infected or even healed in any way." The blood oozing out of the dismemembered digits wasn’t black or tainted, it didn’t even smell bad. Even if he had simply rubbing his wounds against the chair to keep it from healing, it would’ve been infected by now, surely changed into a sickly dark brown or worse, pulpy with pus.

Alice looked down and noticed a giant puddle of dark liquid pooling at their feet, soaking into her boots and what remained of Maso’s shredded clothes.

'The blood would explain why its so wet in here but...'

"But thats impossible."

The smile had changed into a big, shit eating smirk.

“If you’ve been bleeding since last month, then that would mean you wouldnt have any blood left by now. You would be a fucking husk, or dead, or—”

Alice stopped. She stared at the hand she was holding up to her face and realized with an onsetting dread that she shouldnt be able to hold his hand this high if it was shackled...to...the...chair.

Maso brought his knee up and kicked her in the stomach. She dropped his hand and stumbled, doubling over in pain. If she had anything in her stomach, she would've lost it but nothing came out as she retched and gasped for breath.

"Oohhh yesss," Maso sang, his voice suddenly a lot stronger and less hoarse than he made it out to be. He got up from his chair and stretched leisurely while Alice heaved at his feet.

"You have no idea how long I've been wanting to do that. Oh, that felt so good!"

Alice turned her head up to look at him and regretted it instantly when he kneed her in the face. A loud cra-ack filled the room and she cried out in surprise and pain as bone shattered.

Maso cackled with utter glee while Alice cradled her broken nose, blood streaming down her face and dripping onto her dress.

"Man, you don't know how often I've fantasized about beating you to a bloody pulp! I thought ol' Jonny was cruel but you give that word a whooole 'nother meaning!" He grabbed her by the hair like she had done earlier and yanked her head up.

"You know, if I were as evil as you, I would drag you the chair and do a little repeat of aaall my memorable sessions," He grinned. "Show you just how well I paid attention to your lessons. That's what they were, weren't they? Lessons to teach the bad boy how wrong he was~"

Alice spat a mouthful of blood at his feet. "Y-you couldn't-" She rasped. "They would find out- you wont get away w-with this--"

"Wanna bet?"

He leaned close and Alice flinched, expecting another hit. But he didn't strike her again, at least not the way she expected.

“Maaybe if they’re distracted..”

Maso smeared his bleeding hand across Alice's face, mixing it with her own. He laughed at her disgusted expression and let go of her hair, letting her crumble down onto the floor, right into the old pool of blood. From up close she realized she had been mistaken. It wasn't blood, or not just blood. She was sitting in water, water ran from the ceilings, from the walls...from Maso's pores.

It churned with unseen forces and the ground seemed to give way underneath her, pulling her down through the opening doorway.

"Calypso says hi," Maso purred.

Alice scrambled for halt, but her arms felt heavy and her mind was filled with paralyzing dread. It felt like it had in her time out in the Void, where she was trapped with the Creature that whispered the most awful things known to the Universe into her thoughts, filling her with despair undescribable for words.

It was coming back to get her, She lay dormant in the depths of the waters now threatening to swallow Alice whole.

The sheer panic couldn't move Alice's muscles as she pleaded for something to give her halt and keep her from sinking back into Calypso's grasp.

Maso smirked and tipped an imaginary hat at her.

"See you later...ooor maybe, see you never again! I wish you endless sufferings in your path~" He taunted and sauntered out of the door, once again leaving her to die at the hands of Calypso.

She tried to scream for help, but found her throat strung shut by the suffocating fear now coursing through her veins.

She was waiting, eagerly and there was nothing Alice could do to break free and save herself from drowning-

Just as her head dipped underneath the surface, something yanked her back, hard to knock what little air she had left out completely.

Alice hacked and coughed, trying to refill her lungs desperately. Still blind in panic, she crawled away from the hole where the water licked at her ankles, ready to drag her back in. But something had changed and only when she had collapsed, shivering, in the corner, did she realize what happened.

The necklace, the one she had made for herself and Melissa only hours prior had warmed up. The blood red gem was glowing, creating a barrier of warmth around Alice as she shivered, knees drawn to her chest. The portal seemed to hiss sinisterly but the tides couldnt reach Alice past the protective bubble and so it retreated, reluctantly, slowly, making sure Alice knew that it was going to try again, and more viciously than before.

Alice watched it retreat, not daring to blink before it had vanished completely. Only once it was gone for good, did she ease. Dizziness replaced the terror she had felt mere seconds earlier and she was just able to call for help before she collapsed, this time unconscious, onto the dirty floor.

[ahmuteun]

all of them~

1. Who was the last person you held hands with?

um, i want to say steffen but it might have been mark

2. Are you outgoing or shy?

im in the middle, but if i had to pick i would go with outgoing

3. Who are you looking forward to seeing?

aubrey, mark, and steffen

4. Are you easy to get along with?

i would like to think so

5. If you were drunk would the person you like take care of you?

i mean i usually take care of others if im not puking but usually its steffen, aubrey, andrew, and/or cat

6. What kind of people are you attracted to?

i dont have a type honestly so im attracted to a wide variety of people 

7. Do you think you’ll be in a relationship two months from now?

hah fuck no 

8. Who from the opposite gender is on your mind?

mark

9. Does talking about sex make you uncomfortable?

no not really

10. Who was the last person you had a deep conversation with?

hmmm, maybe sam? 

11. What does the most recent text that you sent say?

“lol yeah cause i look like garbage without lipstick on”

12. What are your 5 favorite songs right now?

blackpink - as if its your last 

chungha - why dont you know

boa - spring rain

exid - cream

exid - dont wanna drive

exid - how why

exid - night rather than day

exid pat pat

iu - palette 

okay its not five but theyre all good and i love them

13. Do you like it when people play with your hair?

yeah

14. Do you believe in luck and miracles?

eh it depends

15. What good thing happened this summer?

hanging out with my mates and getting to chill with them 

16. Would you kiss the last person you kissed again?

oh for sure, hes a really good kisser lmao. in all honesty it will probably happen again next week

17. Do you think there is life on other planets?

i hope so

18. Do you still talk to your first crush?

lol nah

19. Do you like bubble baths?

i dont like baths so no

20. Do you like your neighbors?

ehh

21. What are you bad habits?

i have many but i’ll just name one for now and thats not saying no when i should

22. Where would you like to travel?

south korea maybe

23. Do you have trust issues?

um, i dont think so? 

24. Favorite part of your daily routine?

i dont have one 

25. What part of your body are you most uncomfortable with?

arms and belly

26. What do you do when you wake up?

check my phone

27. Do you wish your skin was lighter or darker?

i like it how it is

28. Who are you most comfortable around?

my close mates, the ones im okay with seeing me without makeup

29. Have any of your ex’s told you they regret breaking up?

no

30. Do you ever want to get married?

honestly not really, i doubt i ever will

31. Is your hair long enough for a pony tail?

yeah

32. Which celebrities would you have a threesome with?

im not into threesomes

33. Spell your name with your chin.

im too tired for that

34. Do you play sports? What sports?

nah

35. Would you rather live without TV or music?

tv

36. Have you ever liked someone and never told them?

yeah

37. What do you say during awkward silences?

i just try to make casual conversation 

38. Describe your dream girl/guy?

i dont have one

39. What are your favorite stores to shop in?

forever 21

40. What do you want to do after high school?

i mean im already in uni so

41. Do you believe everyone deserves a second chance?

it depends on the situation

42. If your being extremely quiet what does it mean?

it could mean a lot of things, it just depends

43. Do you smile at strangers?

depends

44. Trip to outer space or bottom of the ocean?

both are rather terrifying when you think about it

45. What makes you get out of bed in the morning?

i dont want to be a complete slob

46. What are you paranoid about?

people finding out things they shouldnt

47. Have you ever been high?

nah

48. Have you ever been drunk?

yes

49. Have you done anything recently that you hope nobody finds out about?

yeah

50. What was the colour of the last hoodie you wore?

probably grey, or maybe navy

51. Ever wished you were someone else?

no

52. One thing you wish you could change about yourself?

i dont wanna say

53. Favourite makeup brand?

i dont have a favorite brand, just favorite products

54. Favourite store?

forever21

55. Favourite blog?

i dont really have one

56. Favourite colour?

blue

57. Favourite food? 

korean food

58. Last thing you ate?

a cucumber

59. First thing you ate this morning?

uummm a grilled chicken sandwich from red robin

60. Ever won a competition? For what?

probably a stupid one

61. Been suspended/expelled? For what?

nah

62. Been arrested? For what?

nah

63. Ever been in love? 

yeah

64. Tell us the story of your first kiss?

i was drunk and at a party, dancing with some guy and he went for a kiss and i thought “fuck it why not?”. but it was real slobbery and had a lot of tongue and wasnt pleasant. luckily i never have to see that guy again

65. Are you hungry right now?

nah

66. Do you like your tumblr friends more than your real friends?

if were tumblr friends i consider you to be a real friend of mine

67. Facebook or Twitter?

i dont have a twitter

68. Twitter or Tumblr?

see above

69. Are you watching tv right now?

yes

70. Names of your bestfriends? 

i will only list a few

dami

aubrey

aussie

katherine

71. Craving something? What?

nah not really

72. What colour are your towels?

white

72. How many pillows do you sleep with?

two

73. Do you sleep with stuffed animals?

yeah

74. How many stuffed animals do you think you have?

three

75. Favourite animal?

my baby boy

76. What colour is your underwear?

black

77. Chocolate or Vanilla?

i dunno i like both

78. Favourite ice cream flavour?

birthday cake 

79. What colour shirt are you wearing?

pink

80. What colour pants?

im not wearing any

81. Favourite tv show?

criminal minds or greys anatomy

82. Favourite movie?

star wars

indiana jones

the prestige 

snowpiercer

theres more but im lazy

83. Mean Girls or Mean Girls 2?

i never saw the latter

84. Mean Girls or 21 Jump Street?

see above

85. Favourite character from Mean Girls?

i dunno, tina feys character probably

86. Favourite character from Finding Nemo?

i like marlin

87. First person you talked to today?

mark

88. Last person you talked to today?

im currently on call with aussie, sam, and yennifer

89. Name a person you hate?

i dont hate anyone

90. Name a person you love?

dami is the first person that comes to mind

91. Is there anyone you want to punch in the face right now?

if i thought hard enough i could come up with someone but as of right now, nah

92. In a fight with someone?

nah

93. How many sweatpants do you have?

like two pairs, maybe one cause i think i lost a pair

94. How many sweaters/hoodies do you have?

six

95. Last movie you watched?

despicable me three smh

96. Favourite actress?

i dont have one

97. Favourite actor?

hugh jackman probably

98. Do you tan a lot?

lol no

99. Have any pets?

yes

100. How are you feeling?

tired

101. Do you type fast?

eh relatively i guess

102. Do you regret anything from your past?

yeah

103. Can you spell well?

moderately

104. Do you miss anyone from your past?

yeah

105. Ever been to a bonfire party?

i mean there have been parties where there was a fire but it wasnt specifically a bonfire party

106. Ever broken someone’s heart?

i might have

107. Have you ever been on a horse?

yeah

108. What should you be doing?

sleeping

109. Is something irritating you right now?

these fucking bug bites

110. Have you ever liked someone so much it hurt?

not to the point where it hurt, no

111. Do you have trust issues?

didnt i answer this?

112. Who was the last person you cried in front of?

i dont even remember the last time i cried

113. What was your childhood nickname?

court

114. Have you ever been out of your province/state?

ye

115. Do you play the Wii?

i just bought one 

116. Are you listening to music right now?

nah

117. Do you like chicken noodle soup?

ye

118. Do you like Chinese food?

ye

119. Favourite book?

i dunno, im too tired at the moment

120. Are you afraid of the dark?

nah

121. Are you mean?

i can be i suppose, bu in generally i would like to think im not

122. Is cheating ever okay?

not on people it isnt

123. Can you keep white shoes clean?

lol no

124. Do you believe in love at first sight?

see above

125. Do you believe in true love?

yeah

126. Are you currently bored?

eh im alright

127. What makes you happy?

the first things that come to mind are my mates and kisses lol

128. Would you change your name?

nah

129. What your zodiac sign?

gemini baby

130. Do you like subway?

soobway is gr8 someone pls get the reference 

131. Your bestfriend of the opposite sex likes you, what do you do?

welp, he has a girlfriend and even if that werent the case it would never work out between us, we just work better as friends

132. Who’s the last person you had a deep conversation with?

didnt i answer this too?

133. Favourite lyrics right now?

the lyrics in 

blackpink - as if its the last

exid - cream

iu - palette

iu - cant love you anymore

kendrick - humble

134. Can you count to one million?

hypothetically, yes but i wont

135. Dumbest lie you ever told?

there are way too many

136. Do you sleep with your doors open or closed?

closed, im no heathen

137. How tall are you?

5′2

138. Curly or Straight hair?

i have wavy hair, but if this is talking about preferences then i dont care 

139. Brunette or Blonde?

i have black hair and see above

140. Summer or Winter?

i like the spring and fall

141. Night or Day?

night

142. Favourite month?

maybe may? or october

143. Are you a vegetarian?

hell no

144. Dark, milk or white chocolate?

milk or dark, white is too sweet

145. Tea or Coffee?

tea, coffee is gross

146. Was today a good day?

eehhh the beginning of the day was better than the end

147. Mars or Snickers?

neither

148. What’s your favourite quote?

“if no one comes back in time to tell you ‘no’ how bad of an idea can it really be?”

149. Do you believe in ghosts?

yes 

150. Get the closest book next to you, open it to page 42, what’s the first line on that page?

destacan los trenes de cercanías, los trenes regionales, las Grandes Líneas 

lol

[softviking]

Ramblings and Personal stuff i carry around for a while now.

So hi. :) This will be a rather personal and potential long post so i will put this under the Read More stuff. Mainly for the very few people who happen to follow me for whatever reason and think “who the hell is that and why should i care.” You dont, i somehow feel like my Tumblr blog is some kind of safe spot...i hate the word but it is true. I dont do too much here on Tumblr, less now because most of my shows and stuff is on hiatus or so...but i feel surprisingly calm and secure when im on tumblr. It feels like i can write stuff down in my blog and get it out of my system...thats the main reason i will write this now. So for those who dont care, this pretty much is the end of a pointless looking Post but actually just the beginning. XD

Either way, have a good day, night, week, month, rest of the year all. Life is hard but you can make it, i believe in you.:)

Well here we go then for me and maybe a few people who are interested in what this weirdo has to say.

The year 2018 has been a really heavy year with a lot of things that happened. Mainly in my life we had two deaths, my uncle and my grandma. My uncles death was more of a shock, grandma dying was more a relief for all. My parents who were day and night there for her in the last difficult few months, relief for her because she is in no pain anymore...it was sad and everybody cried but we knew it was for the best. But before that happened, two good things happened in our life two. First my niece was born...and i cant even find the words to say how much i love this girl and how much laughter and life she brought in our already chaotic family. I never thought i would adore a baby that much. More than that it helped me realise that I AM NOT WORTHLESS. Its probably my biggest flaw, the mindset of thinking that im just a waste of space, that im not good enough no matter how often someone tells me that opposite. I hate that i cant shake this god damn mindset off, that it keeps coming back with every tiny mistake or every little thing i dont do perfect. Seeing how my brother and sister in law, how my family trust me with this tiny little being...helps me a lot. Seeing how this baby is not afraid of me, how she trusts me and how i can make her smile...thats something i never thought could happen to me.

Anyway...second good thing was that my brother got married. Dont know if i wrote this down here but when he first told us about this girl from Albania, we were a bit worried. He is a bit of a simple mind who often does things just out of spite. He didnt made it too easy to trust this whole thing, getting married after just 11 months of knowing, having spent most of their time together online...it causes us a few gray hair. But after having met her a few times and her now staying here for a few months, the girl is family. She is smart, friendly, helps a lot and is in general a really nice person. We get along well. So we have two new family members who will celebrate their first christmas in our family...a good thing.

Here is the thing...There was a lot going on here and there, small and bigger things that made me look at my life. And i realized that while im happy...i want more. Specificly i realized that i want to “socialise” more. I wanna met people, build friendships...find someone to love. For the longest time i was looking for excuses...but i realized those excuses were just because im afraid. Afraid of what could happen...which i realize now isnt as dark as i imagine. The worst that can happen is that people reject me...woho, big deal. Im sure there are a lot of people on this planet who dont like me...its not the end of the world. So i wanna put myself out there more and maybe here...interact more with the Shippers and stuff around here. Its something i didnt do for two reasons mainly...

One: I think im boring and have nothing to say, that all i might have to say is dumb and a waste of time and just bothers people. Getting rid of this mindset is a hard thing, but i will work on it. Number Two...sounds weird but...im a guy. I know Tumblr isnt some man hating place, no matter how often it might look like it. Thats not the case, i know the place has its bad apples but its not as bad as people want to make it out. It has less to do with the people around here and more...yeah im a smartass here, more to do with society. I sometimes feel like as a guy i shouldnt be part of a shipping community, i shouldnt participate in fandoms with mostly women or transgender people or so. Thats completely on me of course...but i dont really know why. Its probably more annoying than anything because its literally the dumbest reason for not doing something that exists. I shouldnt feel like i have no right to talk to other shippers, to squeel when my ships have cute scenes, to cry when the angst is too much or a fanfiction is emotionally so strong that i have tears in my eyes or laugh out loud. Its nothing wrong with being a guy and shipping stuff or with being emotional...hell i just got tears in my eyes when i wrote the part up there about my niece. Its a weird, eye rolling, thinking im probably the dumbest person in the world reason...i know that. And i will get rid of this mindset in my head...if i have to fight and scratch, bark and bite to be a tall guy who cries and ships cute couples, who is soft as a teddy bear and easily to get to laugh...then i will do that. I wanna ship stuff, i wanna be a fanboy, i wanna squeel about two fictional characters being all cute with each other...and i want to do that with others no matter the gender. So now that i have put this out...the last point and the one im currently most scared about. Remember the whole “I wanna put myself out there more” thing? Yeah that is scary. Since i want to become a writer, make money with writing, get many people to enjoy my books etc...i decided to start with making a facebook account. And not just some secret thing or so, no i wanna do it like most people do. Pictures, talking, sharing who i am, what i like and so on. Thats really scary even to think about it, because of the incredible pressure i feel while thinking im just not good enough. But i will do it, i will put myself out there...hoping i can be cheeky and funny...because thats what i am...well at least more so while writing in forums etc than in person. I hope that i can get the attention of people, not only to socialise and make friends...also to sell my book(s)...yeah money rules the world. I want to make money that is true, but i also want to matter you know? I want to sit there and be one day proud because i know that people really enjoyed reading my storys, the adventures i write, the dangers the characters i created experienced, i want people to laugh about stuff those characters say and do, hate the villians...or love them, i want to know that i reached people with my own hands...that i was good enough. This part didnt go into the direction i hoped, but anyway. To close this off there is one other thing. Dont know if it sounds creepy or so...but i already put it all out there, whoever is around now can not be scared away...hell i probably just write this for myself so it doesnt really matter. Anyway...while getting a good look at the stuff Facebook has going...i found also something...the Girl i had a crush on for all my school years. And as i realize now, the girl i still have a huge crush on. I never dared to talk to girls, not in school or 7 years ago when my weight was double what it is now and i had no idea what to do with life. Yeah i throw this out now too...i never had a girlfriend. Im way...way past 18 years and never even held hands with a girl in a romantic way. Never really thought anybody would care for me that way...but i digress i think. Anyway, the girl is still as beautiful as i remember and it gives me a surprising confidence that she doesnt seem to be married and all that. So maybe there is also Romance in my way...but i dont want to hope too much. For all i know she doesnt even remember me, i didnt particular made a impression on anybody. I mostly watched her from far away in school...yeah i know it sounds creepy as hell but i was really shy and unsure. A part of me thinks that this is my second chance, that this might be how it was supposed to go...but thats more coming from the side that watches too much romance movies and read too many of you peoples great fanfiction in which the same characters fall in love and meet in thousands of different ways. Either way, i just want to know for now if there could be chance or just if she is happy...maybe it turns out it was just a childhood crush i never gave the time to overcome...maybe its more...i dont know. But i know that im willing to find out...something a year ago i wouldnt had dared to even think. So that pretty much sums up the past year and my mindset, what goes on in my little head. If anybody reads this...im sorry for wasting your time or thank you for listening, it helped me get this stuff off my chest. Which helps me focus and move forward. Anyway, thank you very much and like i said before...you got this, you will get through rough times and come out strong...i believe in you.

[georgielou-50913]

It’s tuesday, just gone 12.30.... so i guess its now wednesday.

Why am i here again, why am i feeling this again. it really never goes away.

Doesnt matter how many times luke promises it will get better, it never does. i always find myself here, sitting here, listening to sad music. 

just recently, the past couple of days, ive been missing rosie. god so much. my best friend, ive brought her up a couple of times to luke, he doesnt really talk about it. i dont wanna pester him with it. but it would be nice to talk, sometimes.

ive been looking at old pictures... it hurts more. looking at her old instagram. im pretty sure shes blocked me on facebook now, or shes deactivated it for good. my messages dont go through on messenger, maybe she broke her phone? maybe she changed facebooks, maybe she DID block me. that hurts even more to think about. 

why am i only just feeling this. after so many months. almost 5 months. and im only just feeling this heartbreak. i should have felt like this long ago. maybe i was mad.  i shouldnt of been mad... its too late now.. nothing i can do.

i should be happy. i have an amazing boyfriend, who does everything he can for me, and he gets the anger and built up shit i throw at him. i dont mean to, im just so lost.  ......so so so so lost, so many thoughts going through my head right now. its so late, i should be asleep. but i dont feel tired. Trying to stop myself from walking out of this house and going for a walk. that would be dangerous right now. its very dark, and lonely outside... and luke would be mad.

getting through the week is hard. monday to friday. same old crap each week. waiting to be saved by him again. the week gets progressively harder. each day, nights especially. ive fucked up my sleeping pattern again by sleeping away the whole of monday to make it pass quicker. sleeping is easy. i dont have to deal with it. luke didnt stay long though. 

ive gained so much weight, which i believe is due to how bad my depression is, i drank more sugar and ate to pass the time. now im so much bigger than ive ever been. its fixable. but theres no motivation.  you cant do anthing without the correct motivation.  my birthday is in a couple of weeks, on the 31st.

am i looking forward to it? i cant say no, a whole day at the zoo with luke,,, ofcourse thats exciting, but i dont want it to fly past because we have a whole week together too. i just cannot wait to be around him the whole week. 

loneliness plays a huge part in my depression, i wold always be called up to go hang out with rosie, even if that meant sitting there on our phones in complete silence. company. with the person i gave all my love to at that point in time. then luke came along, i didnt expect us to drift so much. so much changed. ......ive just reached out to hannah, my old best friend. ive asked if she wants to meet. so i will see where this goes. it may end up with her ignoring me. but we will see i suppose. i dont really care either way, i wish rosie would get in contact, but she wont. 

where do i go from here. my job wont give me any work... i know for a fact i wont get any payment this month from work. im dreading it. i know i will be homeless. and then what. luke keeps saying dont worry, but how can i not. think about it. 

I survived once. i went through a stillborn, i handled it. i went into a deep depression, i slept for 2 weeks straight. then something clicked, and i said no. this is not me, this is not who i am. i am better than this. i didnt get this far to give up now. i woke up that 3rd week, told myself i can do it, depression has been my enemy my whole life. what would she be thinking, what would grandad be thinking.. they would be so dissapointed, im being so weak. i had just lost a baby. and on the 3rd week i got up, brushed it off. dressed up, went to town with my friends and smiled, like a big fuck you to the piece of shit who put me there, for the last time. it took me a couple of days, and i went and got a job.  i pulled myself right up and changed my life. i lost weight again, i was happy. after the worst possible thing in my life happened. i still got up. 

whats different now?  why am i not getting up.  whats  changed....

i cant even answer that. i dont know. 

it like ive lost a section of myself. like im not able to stand anymore.

in my head i picture everything i want to do. i want to just put my middle finger up to my current boss and tell them where to go. then go and find a new job as quickly as possible, start the job. start drawing again, go join the gym, lose weight. meet new people. build a stronger relationship with luke. move out. be happy. 

in the end, all i want is to be happy.