#maybe like three or four but ok

[emotionalsupporthufflefluff]

fancy friends that you can count on

Ominis Gaunt x GN!Hufflepuff!Reader (MC = Eliza Fig, previous fifth-year transfer student, current seventh-year Gryffindor) part four of the fancy series - [ToC]

Summary: Ominis worries when his friend doesn’t return from their fight and enlists a gathering of friends to help him find them. Reconnaissance is just an added perk. (Switching POV, though the majority of this part is actually in Ominis’s POV)

“Boss!”

“Merlin, Marcus, keep your damned voice down. Yer’ gonna scare all the lil’ beasties ‘round here!”

“Sorry, boss.” This was whispered, and a sigh was heard afterwards.

“Alright, what is it you want Marcus? Did someone steal your sweet roll again?”

“No, boss, nothing like that! Was just wonderin’ what you planned for that hogwash student?”

It was a fair question, you wondered what was going to happen yourself. You remained motionless on the ground, keeping your eyes closed and trying to appear still asleep. A sigh was heard once again from the boss- who really seemed fed up with his entire poaching party, honestly- before he finally answered.

“I don’t have anything planned for the student, and it’s Hogwarts, Marcus.” You could feel the cool press of metal underneath your prone form and felt the ground shake as someone agitated what must be the cage surrounding you. You remain quiet, still pretending to be asleep. “Go fetch Ed for me.”

“Got it, boss!”

Ominis was getting worried. He had waited for you at the entrance to the Hufflepuff common room, wanting to apologize for his outburst. But as a clock nearby rang out the tone for curfew, he realised that you hadn’t been by at all. Where were you?

Poppy rounds the corner, running and trying to hold her shoulderbag down. Something was jiggling around on the inside and she struggled to keep the top closed. She ends up skidding to a stop in front of where Ominis sat, then hesitantly walks closer to him instead of continuing her path through to her common room.

“Ominis? What are you doing here?” She pushes her bag back down as it jumps around, trying to pretend like nothing was happening.

“Waiting for Y/N, have you seen them?” Poppy hums, glancing toward the common room, then back at Ominis.

“Well, the last time I had seen them, they were walking down the path outside. I think they wanted to visit their fwooper friend?” Ominis furrows his brow, letting his head fall to look down toward the ground. That was odd- they had promised not to go back out there without him. They knew how terrified he was of something happening, the forbidden forest was dangerous. “Either way, I must’ve missed them coming back inside. You want me to go fetch them?” She nods her head toward the common room entrance, and Ominis raises his unseeing gaze to face Poppy once more.

“If you could tell them I want to talk, I would appreciate it.”

“Of course, Ominis.” She places a hand on his arm for a brief moment before wrestling her bag back down, knocking on a barrel nearby and disappearing into the Hufflepuff common room. Ominis didn’t know how much time had gone by, but every second seemed to stretch longer and longer. Were they officially avoiding him now? Did they just refuse to come out of their common room to talk to him?

When the barrel finally opened once more, Ominis stood and straightened himself immediately, patting down his robes to look a bit more presentable. It wasn’t Poppy he was expecting to see bound out of the common room, though. As his charm pulsed, he was able to see the expression more clearly on her face, and he immediately took a step toward her. “Y/N? Where are they?”

“They’re not in there, Ominis,” Her voice was quiet, and she chewed her lip. “I searched every inch, even asked their roommates. No one has seen them since this afternoon.”

Ominis felt frozen in place, his mind whirring quickly with questions and answers. Where could they have gone? Would they have done all this to avoid him? No, of course not. They could get mad, but they would never purposefully make people worry for them. If Poppy didn’t know where they were, it was likely no one did. It was curfew and night outside, and they hadn’t been seen anywhere-

“Where- I mean, what-” Ominis shook his head, panic beginning to settle in. “This isn’t like them, is it? They don’t just disappear without telling anyone?”

“This is absolutely not like them,” Poppy agreed, nodding and glancing toward the end of the hall as if waiting for them to appear. “They hate breaking curfew. They always said Black hates muggleborns enough, they didn’t want to give him an excuse to expel them. Hogwarts is all they have.” She laughed, shaking her head again, “They even refused to go to the kitchen after curfew, and that’s just right down the hall!”

“You,” Ominis took another step closer to Poppy, his red charm pulsing quickly on his wand, “You mentioned you had seen them earlier? No one else seen them since then? So you were the last person?”

“They were walking down the path toward the forest, I thought they just wanted to go brush their fwooper friend.”

Ominis chewed his lip, shaking his head. If something had happened to you out there, that meant you were in trouble. And he really didn’t want to think about you being in trouble. “What about- what if you didn’t see them come back, but they did? Where would they go?”

“Ominis, I really don’t think-”

“Where would they go Poppy?” She just sighed in response, slumping her shoulders.

“I don’t know. The library? Maybe go hang out with some friends?”

“Okay, okay, we can work with that. You check the library, I’ll run up to the Gryffindor tower and see if Natty or- or Garreth knows where they are.” His voice falls toward the end of his sentence, shaking his head. Of course, that’s where you went. He chased you away with his inappropriate attitude with your potions project and chased you right into Garreth’s arms.

“Okay,” Poppy mumbled, shaking her head. “But I really think we need to go get Professor Garlick. If they got hurt somewhere out near the forest-”

“If they’re not in the library or Gryffindor tower, then we’re going to the forest. If we can’t find them there, then we can talk to the Professor. But I’m not going to sit and wait around all night for them to show up, which I know is what the Professor will tell us to do. If they’re in danger, we need to go help them.”

“Okay, Ominis. I’m with you. Ask Natty or Garreth if they want to come along, too. We’ll need the help. Oh! And Sebastian!” Ominis chuckled, shaking his head.

“The Slytherin common room is in the opposite direction of the tower-”

“Don’t worry then, I’ll fetch Sebastian. I’ll do that first, I remember him bragging about sneaking into the library after hours anyway. He can help me look through and make sure they’re not there.”

“Okay, fine,” Ominis acquiesced, shaking his head with a small smile. “Fetch my friend from the dungeons and search the library. But be quick about it! If they really are in danger, we’ll need to head out immediately.”

Ominis travelled as quickly as he could toward the Gryffindor tower but was held up halfway through when Peeves materialized through a nearby wall and started singing loudly about how Hogwarts nights were no fun anymore. He ended his made-up song with the promise of a fire burning the school down before he finally floated through a nearby window, sinking through the open air lower toward the ground. Ominis breathed out a sigh of relief before continuing on his way, afraid of how much time he had wasted trying not to get caught.

The fat lady in the painting seemed irritated with him, as he knocked and knocked on the middle of her canvas. “Watch the dress you, hooligan!”

“I can’t see your damned dress!” He finally called out, glaring forward toward the painting he knew was there, though one downfall of his seeing charm meant that he could see her frame and the magic emanating from the canvas, but he couldn’t see what was actually decorating the portrait. He had heard about her enough times, though. She fell quiet from his admission, and he finally moved his hand to the side and started knocking frantically on the frame of the portrait.

“Who is it you’re here to see?”

“Natsai Onai. Or Garreth Weasley. Either one, I just need to speak with them.”

“A Slytherin? After the hours of curfew?”

“Please, it’s very important. Someone could be in danger.”

“Danger you say?” The lady seemed to hum, then fall quiet. He huffed out a breath, keeping himself from stomping his foot like a petulant child. He waited for some other form of an answer, but when he heard nothing he finally gave in.

“Are you going to help me or not? Or do I need to keep knocking incessantly on the frame for someone to come out?” Again, with no response, Ominis was beginning to think the lady was ignoring him now. Just as he was raising a fist to knock again, he heard a click and someone came rushing out of the entrance.

“Ominis?” Natty appeared, quickly closing the portrait behind her. “The fat lady came and found me in my bedroom. She said this was urgent? Are you alright?” The girl seemed hesitant in asking but sounded worried. It made sense, in his opinion. Ominis and Natty never really spoke before until now.

“Have you seen Y/N?”

“What? Wouldn’t you know better than me?”

“Which should probably give you the knowledge of my urgency, then.”

“Oh,” Natty gasped, her shoulders slumping and her arms beginning to cross. “Well, if I’m honest, the last time I had seen them today was at breakfast.” Ominis huffed, crossing his arms as well. “Do you know the last place they were seen?”

“Yes, they were-” Ominis was interrupted as the portrait swung open once more. Ominis raised his wand higher, urging it to pulse once more before finally registering the magical signature as Garreth.

“Hey? The fat lady said that someone out here needed help?”

“Yes,” Natty confirmed, nodding her head, “Ominis is worried about Y/N. Have you seen them?”

“Oh? Yeah. I mean, the last time I saw them was in the transfiguration courtyard.” He looked between Natty and Ominis before taking a few steps forward. “Actually, they kept going on and on about how they needed to meet Ominis, here, in the potions classroom, something about a project. Did they not show up?”

“No, they did show up,” Ominis mumbled, shaking his head. “We had a fight and they said they needed some time alone. Poppy said-” Ominis was cut off once more by the portrait opening again, and he held back an annoyed sigh. Who was it now?

“Eliza Fig?” Natty asked, and Ominis raised his wand higher.

“What?” Ominis asked, his eyebrows drawing together.

“Is everything alright out here?” Eliza spoke and Ominis finally heard her gentle, yet higher-toned voice. He hadn’t heard much from her since the fifth year when she almost had Sebastian convinced to continue his dark arts forays. Ominis wasn’t exactly thrilled to run into her. “The portrait lady came by my room asking about me. She mentioned some sort of student in danger?”

“Oh, perfect,” Natty began, smiling brightly and taking hold of Eliza’s arm. “Just the person we need!”

“Why would we need her?” Ominis asked petulantly, already miffed that Garreth had to be around. Now her?

“Eliza goes on errands for everyone around Hogwarts! She’s the bravest witch I’ve ever come across, even if she only received her magical ability when she was fifteen! If anything, that probably makes her even better than the rest of us, having caught up so quickly!”

“Ominis, you were about to say something about Poppy?” Garreth interrupted kindly, and Ominis felt a jolt of something akin to thankfulness but pushed that way down.

“Right, well Poppy-”

“Wait, is Poppy the one in danger?” Eliza asked quickly, taking a step forward and studying Ominis. “Aren’t you Sebastian’s friend?”

“I’m more than just Sebastian’s friend!” Ominis snapped, glaring at the transfer student. “And no, Poppy is not in danger. But she is the last person who saw where Y/N Y/L/N went, and they haven’t been seen anywhere since. Poppy said she saw them walk down the path toward the forbidden forest- we believe that Y/N went to go see their little fwooper friend. Which is ridiculous because they told me they’d stop going out there alone, everyone knows that the poachers have been getting braver here lately!”

Eliza laughed, a pretty sound that had Ominis gritting his teeth together. “Ah, yes, well. I had to study for our NEWTs. Can’t always be out there chasing them back, you know?” She turned toward Natty as if sharing some inside joke, and Ominis huffed loudly.

“I really don’t care to hear you bragging about your adventures right now, Eliza. My friend could be in trouble.” He didn’t exactly see her face fall, but in the next second her voice was deeper, apologetic.

“No, you’re right. We should go look.”

“We?” Ominis would never admit how his voice squeaked, clearing his throat afterwards. “They’re my friend-”

“They’re our friend,” Garreth added in, and Ominis immediately took away whatever small shred of positive emotions he had felt for the guy. “There’s no way you’re going to come up here and pull the three of us from our common room and not include us in the search.”

“I was only trying to pull the two of you, actually,” Ominis added sulkily, taking a step back. “Do what you must, I guess. But I need to go meet Poppy and Sebastian outside the library. They were checking there just in case Y/N actually came back but didn’t go to their common room.” Ominis turned finally, using his wand to guide his way as he took long strides to get downstairs quicker. The pulsing of his wand indicated that all three of them began to follow Ominis, Eliza and Natty holding hands all the while. After some time Garreth sidled up next to Ominis, irritatingly matching his strides.

“So, what did you two fight about?” Ominis turned his head briefly toward Garreth, though instantly regretted it. Now he would have to answer, and he really didn’t want to talk about this with him of all people.

“Nothing.”

“Seems like something,” Garreth argued, though thankfully lowered his voice. Ominis heard the girls murmuring behind him so he assumed they weren’t paying attention to his current conversation. “Y/N seemed pretty adamant to meet up with you earlier.”

“They sure took their time chatting with you, then, for how ‘adamant’ they were to get to me.” Ominis hadn’t meant for the sentence to come out so childishly, but he couldn’t hold himself back. He finally met the person he’s been wanting for years, and of course, Garreth comes along and steals them away immediately. Garreth was quiet for an abnormally long time before he finally replied.

“I’m not even going to play this game.” Ominis furrowed his brow, turning his head toward his direction once more. “I could go on about how they only ever talked about you, or how they really didn’t seem interested in a word I said, but I doubt you would believe a word of it. So I’ll just tell you exactly what’s happened, and you can draw your own conclusions.” They turned a corner, and while Ominis had no clue where Garreth was going with this, he didn’t interrupt.

“I caught hold of Y/N when I saw them sprinting past in the transfiguration courtyard. I grabbed their wrist to stop them, likely the only way I could’ve stopped them. I wanted to know their opinion on different potions ingredients since they seem to get a pretty good grades in the class. I specifically wanted to know which ones were volatile, and which would cause the biggest explosions. I’m working on this project, actually. I got the idea from this Chinese traveller I met outside of Hogsmeade, actually, they mentioned-” He huffed, shaking his head and causing his red curls to bounce around, “No, scratch that, you don’t care about that. Anyway- so I was asking them and they seemed pretty amused by my questions, but obliged and told me what I needed to know. But during the entire conversation, they kept trying to pull away and mentioned you. Over and over, Ominis, they kept saying you were waiting for them in the potions classroom and they didn’t want to keep you waiting. It was my fault, not theirs.

“Then, my aunt walked by. She caught me holding onto Y/N’s wrist and discerned the wrong impression. Probably thought we were holding hands or something, and started this long tirade about how we were only just students and how NEWTs are coming up and we should be focusing on our test scores and-” He huffed out a breath, and Ominis could tell from his pulsing charm that Garreth was walking sideways, likely looking directly into Ominis’s face. “I kept telling my aunt she had the wrong idea, and Y/N kept mentioning you and the project that they were late for. So, if you’re upset because you heard some sort of rumour, then I can tell you personally it’s all false. What my aunt had seen, she just misunderstood. I was kinda grateful for it at the time, honestly, ‘cause if she knew the real reason I was talking to Y/N then I would’ve gotten a lot more than just a few stern words.”

Ominis let this sink in, taking a deep breath and letting it out slowly. When he didn’t answer quickly enough for Garreth, the ginger kept on babbling, saying even more ridiculous notions. “Anyway, the idea of Y/N being at all interested in me is laughable, if anything. Everyone in our grade- Godric, even everyone in Hogwarts knows that they have had the biggest crush on you since we were all kids.” Garreth laughed out loud as Ominis’ chest clenched, turning a horrified expression toward him. “The way they always stared at you, it was as if you personally hung the moon. I think we were all surprised when you two finally started talking. I know I was.” Garreth’s laugh was grating on Ominis’ nerves, and he huffed out a sigh, shaking his head.

“You had me going for a minute there. Almost thought you were telling the truth.”

“I am though?” Garreth sounded confused, and Ominis just shook his head as they went down even more stairs. “I didn’t lie about a single thing.”

“Catching Y/N by the wrist, sure. But saying they’ve liked me since we were kids- that’s ridiculous. They didn’t even know I existed.” Garreth laughed loudly, stopping in the middle of the hall. For some reason, Ominis stopped as well, waiting on the boy.

“Ominis, let me help you out here. You may be blind, but I’m certainly not. I think I know what I’ve seen. It’s every class Ominis. Every class, every year, every day. Y/N only ever stared at you.”

“What’s going on?” Natty asked politely, arm in arm with Eliza. It was silent for a moment as Ominis tried to process this information. Surely if his crush had been staring at him for so long- no, they couldn’t have. Sebastian would’ve mentioned it at some point? “Are we talking about Y/N still? Garreth, I thought it was just an unspoken rule that we didn’t tell Ominis how Y/N stared at him constantly?”

“You too?” He asked, shifting uncomfortably.

“Everyone noticed it Ominis, really. You would have to be literally blind to not notice it.”

“Natty,” Garreth admonished, reaching out to hit her elbow. The girl retaliated a lot harder than Garreth had originally hit, causing the boy to hiss in pain and rub his shoulder.

“No, if we’re saying this then he’s going to believe it. Ominis, Y/N never stopped staring at you. You can ask literally any person. There’s no reason for you to disbelieve us just because we’re Gryffindors.”

“It’s not because of your house colours that I find this hard to believe, Natsai.” Ominis shook his head, turning and continuing his way down the hall. There was no way he was going to continue this conversation with them. Not when you could be out there somewhere, hurt or in danger. He could hear the mumbling of the three Gryffindors behind him as he walked but kept his attention forward.

By the time they all made it to the library, Poppy and Sebastian were just climbing the stairs out of the room. Poppy ran over to Ominis, taking his sleeve and pulling on him. Sebastian was slower, obviously eyeing the trio that Ominis had arrived with.

“We couldn’t find them in the library at all, and Sebastian said he hasn’t been around Y/N all day. Ominis I’m getting really worried.”

“Interesting company you keep nowadays, Ominis.” Sebastian’s tone was careful, and Ominis sighed, reaching over to place a hand on his friend’s shoulder.

“Don’t mind them. They refused to leave once they found out Y/N was missing. They want to help look for them, and honestly, if we’re to search the forbidden forest then maybe we’ll need the help.” Ominis could feel Sebastian lean in close, his voice a breath against his ear.

“And you asked for Eliza’s help?”

“The merlin-forsaken Gryffindor portrait went through and asked after Natty and Garreth for me. But she heard the word ‘danger’ and felt the hero of our fifth year needed to hear of the news too.”

“Eliza!” Poppy was surprised to see her, leaving Ominis’s side and rushing over to hug her. Eliza returned the hug immediately, and Ominis could no longer feel the urge to be surprised. Was this reckless Gryffindor friends with every person in their immediate friend group? “Oh, this is just great! If poachers really did get them, you can help rescue them!”

“Why does everyone keep insisting on involving Eliza?” Ominis finally called out angrily, turning to face the rest of their group. He could sense Poppy's startle from his tone, immediately falling back a few steps.

“Because she’s the best of us, Ominis?” Garreth answered as if this was a question, taking a step toward the centre of their makeshift circle. “Why do you have such a problem with her?”

Silence fell around the group, but Ominis refused to answer. He had told Sebastian that he forgave him for his fruitless search into the dark arts, so long as the boy never did it again. Having been forced to cast an unforgivable curse was one thing, after willingly pestering Ominis about the scriptorium for an entire semester. However, Eliza kept pushing, urging Sebastian with pleas for knowledge and tempting him with a cure for his sister. Ominis had thankfully been able to talk him out of the whole venture before he wandered too far. Sebastian ended up dropping Eliza as a friend afterwards, so neither boy knew just how far Eliza had ended up venturing into dark magic. She had mentioned wanting to learn the other unforgivables.

When no answer was forthcoming- half of the group knowing what had happened yet refusing to speak- Poppy finally stepped forward between Ominis and Eliza and spoke up. “Regardless, Y/N is still missing. I think anyone willing to help will be beneficial. Don’t you, Ominis?”

“Of course,” He answers roughly, clearing his throat and turning his body to face Sebastian more. “So let’s get moving. Lead us to their meet-up spot.” Poppy nodded, stepping forward to lead the way. Ominis and Sebastian were behind her, the rest of the group following behind. He could hear Garreth mumbling a question to one of the others behind him.

“What does he mean, ‘meet-up spot’?”

“Y/N has a little fwooper friend, I heard them mention. I think the ‘meet-up spot’ is where they go near the forbidden forest to find their fwooper.” Natty answers, trying to keep her voice down as they roam the halls.

“‘Little fwooper friend’? That’s a mouthful, does the little bugger have a name?”

“Not that I know of.”

“They befriended a fwooper?” Eliza asks, and Ominis could hear the intrigue in her voice. “How unconventional. I wonder if they’d let me meet it. I’ve been so curious about their songs.”

“The ones known to drive people mad?” Garreth’s voice is incredulous, and Ominis has to hold back a sneer from the entire conversation. “Why would you be curious about that?”

“Well if they’re known to drive people mad, they must sound unique, no?”

“Regardless,” Sebastian calls out loudly, and Ominis detects Poppy jump from the loud noise. His friend turns to the three Gryffindors behind him, “I think we have more important things to worry about.”

The group, admonished, finally fall silent. Six students of Hogwarts walk out of the castle’s safe doors, making their way through the darkness to the one place they were forbidden from going. Ominis knew even if the rest of them had refused, he’d be making his way this way anyway. Anything, anything at all, to find you.

[carnivalcarriondiscarded]

Hello hi. Will LaughingStock and/or PopStar appear in the Lights Out au?

Also also: ⭐️

allow me to provide Over Explanation for this supposedly simple yes/no answer. technically, yes! however

the au is structured into four main chunks - Acts, if you will. we've got Act One, which is the story i've shared bits and pieces of with you all. it's the main body of the au, the "in the dark" part. the Only romantic relationship progression / development (beyond little blink-and-you'll-miss-it hints) is FranklyDear.

Act Two begins with Sally waking up, and there's a whole... thing for that, where everything falls apart in an entirely new and way more sad way! Act Three and Four are the "aftermath" of the au - in a sense.

like - if i were to write a fic, the main one would be Act One + (maybe) Two, though that one might need it's own - shorter - fic. then Act Four would be the immediate squeakual. Act Three could be just an extra fun addition, cause it wouldn't be strictly necessary or overtly Vital due to Act Four's needs. it's more of a... uh... ~Behind the Scenes~ thing.

ALL THIS TO SAY! Popstar would become a thing either in Act Two or Act Three, but Laughingstock would solidify well into Act Four.

[m00ngbin]

I should make a list of music suggestions because OBVIOUSLY I have the best music taste and you should all believe me and listen to what I have to say (joking)

[danielnelsen]

HUH

[mementoasts]

mods are asleep, time to post my almost decent attempt at drawing the vague image of elias tma that exists in my head

[frozentothetouch]

dump of tpn things

[villaneve]

the way i was talking with my manager today and he casually dropped that if i wanted to, i could go to new york in a couple weeks to do some in office planning with another team member…

like i had basically come to terms with the fact i probably wasn’t gonna get to see the final sondheim show but if work is literally paying for my flight and hotel and meals…… how could i not……. and if i wanted to get REALLY crazy with it i could see all three sondheim shows that will be on broadway. although the merrily prices are so ridiculous even then i don’t know if i could bring myself to pay them. especially once you do the usd to cad conversion. but STILL

[vampiremansionpoolboy-moved]

steddie simon vs the homo sapiens agenda au

[todayisafridaynight]

and if we got to see sawashiro daddy up on aoki just Once i think i wouldve cheered, applauded even

[arthur-r]

tonight has been a weird night but it’s about to get better because i just happened upon a completely roget edition of rogets thesaurus and it’s being sold on ebay for ten dollars

[cerealmonster15]

alright before my sleeping potion takes over heres Vage Vibes for the,,, next few twst fics ive got in my head [and by head i mean scattered in my phones notes app / started in google docs]

riddle and cater fun friendship hang out time of self discovery [wip, kinda almost done?] [me pushing the agenda that cater and riddle are friends!!!!!!! bc my god i dont see enough of them!!!!]

first year soup friendship [bullet point planned but havent really started]

jamil/azul soup and stress and solidarity [wrote out a tiny section at the beginning for it and made notes of the general idea of how i want it to go / points i wanna hit, will have ch6 spoilers. maybe a shorter fic? probably more implied/subtly shippy compared to the other jamil/azuls ive written, but we’ll see where the tide takes me lol, i have some Thoughts that Could Advance 🤔]

kalim/silver coming together as they try to repair jamil/azul  ft second year friendship sleepover ??? [writing down sporadic ideas to plan as i think of them, not started, i think it would be fun but also A Lot lol]

cater/jade something something magicammable desserts are involved rip caycay

cater/idia go to a carnival

cater/malleus referencing a twst anthology manga comic [the one where they were gonna have a sleepover with malleus and then forgot to tell him they rescheduled 😭] - caycay takes malleus to go out somewhere to make up for it??? idk that comic just makes me sad and i want my feelings compensated LOL

[mikomikono]

Hi, hello, guess I should make a statement here too in case I have some readers following me.

The final chapter of Dating for a Turnabout, where is it??? Excellent question! I am working on it!

I decided to take a few extra days to really make sure it's good (I already fully scrapped an entire scene bc it just wasn't... it was meh) because it's the finale and I!!! want it to be amazing!!! And it will be! It is planned and everything, I am just a very slow writer hahaaaah....

I've been hesitating about making a post about it bc it was almost ready on Sunday and I thought "I'll have it ready tomorrow, I don't need to say anything" and then Monday evening I was like "ehh it's not quite finished yet but I'll have it ready tomorrow, so..." and, you'll never guess, then it was Tuesday and I was like "I'm just missing this end! It's almost done!!!" and you know how it goes. 😅

Now, I am hopeful that I will indeed have it ready tonight so this notice is going to be wildly too late, but just in case I get carried away again with the final scene I wanted to let y'all know what the situation is. It's coming! Soon! Thank you for your patience! 🙇🏻‍♂️

[rocksalt-and-pie]

i bought three books from the thrift store (already finished one of them, it was so much better than i was expecting) and i'm about to order three more because apparently it's just one of those weeks

[popcornucopia]

Barbie is honestly a way better movie than oppenheimer bc I could never have guessed anything about Barbie that actually occurred in the movie whereas I had to learn about the Manhattan project in school for a grade

[zooophagous]

So why do you hate the advertising industry?

Hokay so.

Let me preface this with some personal history. It's not relevant to the sins of the advertising industry perse but it illustrates how I started to grow to hate it.

I wanted to be a veterinarian growing up, but to be a vet you basically have to be good enough to get into medical school. I do not have the math chops or discipline to make it in medical school. I went into art instead, and in a desperate attempt to find some commercial viability that didn't involve moving to California, I went into graphic design.

I've been a graphic designer for about seven or eight years now and I've worn a lot of hats. One of them was working in a print shop. Now, the print shop had a lot of corporate customers who had various ad campaigns. One of them was Gate City Bank, which had a bigass stack of postcards ordered every couple months to mail to their customers.

Now, paper comes from Dakota Paper, and they make their paper the usual way. Somewhere far, far from our treeless plain there is a forest of tall trees. These trees are cut down and put on big fossil fuel burning trucks and hauled to a paper mill that turns them into pulp while spewing the most fowl odors imaginable over the neighboring town and loads the pulp up with bleach to give it a nice white color.

Then the paper is put on yet another big truck and hauled off to the local paper depot, then put on another big truck and delivered to my print shop, where I turned the paper into postcards telling people to go even deeper into debt to buy a boat because it's almost summer. The inks used are a type of nasty heat sensitive plastic that is melted to the surface of the paper with heat. Then the postcards are put on yet ANOTHER truck and sent to the bank, which puts them on ANOTHER truck and finally into the hands of their customers, who open their mail and take one look at the post card and immediately discard it.

Heaps and heaps and literal hundreds of pounds of literal garbage created at the whim of the marketing team several times a year. And thats just one bank in one city.

I came to realize very quickly that graphic design was the delicate art of turning trees into junk mail.

And wouldn't you know it there are a TON of companies that basically only do junk mail. Many of them operate under the guise of a "charity," sending you pictures of suffering children or animals and begging for handouts and when they get those handouts the executives take a nice fat cut, give some small token amount to whatever cause they pay lip service to, and then put the rest of the cash right back into making more mailers. "Direct mail marketing" they call it.

Oh but maybe it's not so bad, you can advertise online after all. Now that there's decent ad blocker out there and better anti-virus ads usually don't destroy your computer anymore just by existing.

Except now when I search for the exact business I want on Google it's buried under three or four different "promoted search items" tricking me into clicking on them only to shoot themselves in the foot because I searched for the specific result I wanted for a reason and couldn't use those other websites even if I felt like it.

And now we have advertising on YouTube and on every streaming service, forcing more and more eyes onto the ad for the brand new Buick Envision that parks itself because you're too stupid to do it on your own.

Oh thats ok maybe I'll get Spotify premium and go ad free and listen to some podcasts- SIKE we have the hosts of your show doing the song and dance now. Are you depressed and paranoid from listening to my true crime podcast about murdered and mutilated teenagers? That's ok, my sponsor Better Help can keep you sane enough to stay alive and spend more money.

It's gotten so terrible that now you have content farms, huge hubs of shell companies that crank out video after video to get more and more precious clicks. Which if the videos were innocuous maybe that wouldn't be so awful except now you have cooking hacks that can actually burn your house down and craft hacks that can electrocute you being flung into your eyes at the speed of mach fuck so some slimy internet clickbait jockey doesn't need to get a real job.

It of course goes without saying that animals are also relentlessly exploited by clickbait companies that will put them in compromising situations on purpose to create a fake fishing hack video or even just straight up killing them for sport by feeding small animals to a pufferfish that rips them apart for the camera.

And all of this, ALL of this doesn't even touch how adveritising is the death of art in general. Queer topics, any kind of interesting art, any kind of sex or substance use topics are scrubbed clean and hidden at the behest of advertisers.

Sex education, a nude statue, topics such as racism or sexism or bigotry in general have tags purged or hidden from search, even life saving information about SDTs or drug use, because if someone saw that and complained then Verizon might sell fewer tablets and we can't fucking have that.

Conservative talking heads often bitch and moan that they're being censored on social media. The stupid part is, they're right! They are being censored! But it's not by a woke mob, it's by ATT and Coca Cola not wanting their adspace sharing screen time with their stupid fucking opinions.

However, they won't ever figure that out, because the talking heads they get their marching orders from like Tucker and Jones ALSO rely on the sweet milk flowing from the sponsorship teat and they aren't about to turn on their meal ticket so they have to come up with even stupider shit to say for the train to continue rolling.

I managed to rant this far without even getting into the ads I see for the beauty industry. The other day a botox ad described wrinkles as "moderate to severe crows feet" as if wrinkles are a symptom of a fucking serious disease! Like having a flaw in your skin is a medical problem that you need thousands of dollars of literal botulism toxin to fix! I was incandescent with anger.

Advertising is a polluting, censoring, anti educational and anti art industry at it's very core. It destroys human connections, suppresses human thought and makes us hate our own bodies. It ads no value, actively detracts from value, and serves no real purpose and I believe it should be almost if not entirely banned.

[cinnabeat]

four pages down on my essay 💪