#maybe some day ill go in more depth but right now its just vibes

[rise-of-arcadia]

help because i jokingly paired them together once and its not a joke anymore

[hivequest]

Taking a Risk » Mallek Adalov/Reader

Wordcount: 2.3k words

Warnings: Swearing, fluff, stressed out reader, chillboy Mallek. TYping quirk only used when texting cause I could not be bothered lmao Originally posted on AO3

A/N: One of my favorite things that I’ve written, ever. I love Mallek and he’s for sure one of my favorite Friendsim characters. When I wrote this I was really feeling those Quarantine Woes

You didn't know what you were doing here. You felt out of place in the worst possible ways. It was a weird, squidgy feeling like stepping on wet grass. But not like the fun kind where you were running around in a sprinkler on a hot-as-balls summer day. No, this was the bad kind of wet grass that you stepped on without knowing it was wet. Why weren't you wearing shoes?

This analogy is stupid. The point is, you're feeling bummed out.

And what better way to not have to deal with that than hang out with someone you knew wouldn't push you into talking about all the ways crashing on this planet sucked! The point is, you're on your way to see Mallek. Mallek is absolutely the kind of friend who can tell when you just need to sit down and veg out. You had been so caught up in everyone else's bullshit that you weren't looking after your own damn self. So now you were doing that.

All it took was a quick text, asking Mallek if he had any company. He texted back only a moment later with a no, obviously not. You asked him if he wanted any. Not really. You ask him if you can come over anyway. Obviously.

You smiled at the palmhusk in your, well, palm. You could already feel the chill vibes of your hacker friend. Friend? Was that the right word for it? You didn't know anymore. When you first met there were definitely some sparks there. You could still feel them now and it made weird butterflies flutter around in your stomach. When you slapped his phone out of his hand and he sent you ass over applecart into the slimy depths of sewer water and he saved you, tits out and all.

You shook off the weird wistful feeling of maybe possibly crossing the friendship barrier and told him you'd walk to his hive. You'd been moping in some bookhive, not your usual hang-out spot with Tagora or Tyzias. This was some upper caste bookhive with purple bloods and some indigos and definitely not where you were welcome if the looks you were getting were any indication. They ranged from snooty to downright murderous. Yeesh.

Your phone -palmhusk, stupid troll names- beeped again. You got another text from him and those cheery fucking butterflies were back. God, you had it bad.

yeah were not doing that lmao;

im not going to let my robobuddy walk out in the sun

do you even know what time of day it =

just stay put ive already got your location ill pick you up;

And like a good little friendsimp. You park your ass on a chair and wait. You hadn't released your moping had taken up most of the night. But with the quick look around, yeah, no, this place was nearly empty by now. Just some older bluebloods trying to cram before their Ordeals and get shipped off-planet. Again: Yeesh.

You kept your ears open for the telltale sound of Mallek's limo. It was a sound you were getting used to these days. He always seemed ready to drop whatever coding shit he was working on to come to see you. You tried not to think too hard on what that might mean. No need to get your hopes up now. It's probably just your bad mood making you imagine some context where there's nothing. Yeah.

Damn, that shit hurted.

Just as you were about to add that to the reasons you were considering just screaming your lungs out who cares whose listening? you heard the wonderfully familiar sound of an approaching elongated scuttlebuggy. If that wasn't enough of a clue as to who the ride was for the quiet of the bookhive was very abruptly disturbed by a series of rhythmic beeps.

Holy shit was that the Tetris theme?

You shoved your palmhusk into your hoodie pocket and yanked the hood over your head. Even if the sun was only out a little bit you didn't want it anywhere near your freshly healed skin. You had no kind cowgirl to nurse you back to health right now if you got your asscheeks baked by the flaming death orb. You peeked your head out and even with the blinding light of Alternia's suns you could Mallek had opened the door and was waiting for you.

Aw. No, shit. You're in a bad mood don't get all heart eyes at him. Don't make it weird.

You took a few steps back into the bookhive, ready to make a run for it. You turn to a sitting indigoblood, who is just staring at you disdainfully for keeping the door open. You give her a two-fingered salute. Godspeed young cosmonaut. She gives you a one-fingered salute. Close the door you insufferable bulgebiter. Fair.

Taking a running start, you book it out into the heat of the Alternian sun and dive for the open car door. It's then that you realize he's halfway parked on the sidewalk to lessen the amount of time you'd have to spend in the sun. Aw. That also means that you came barreling like a cannonball at something that was like two feet out of the door. FUck.

Your face meets carpet and you can already feel the rugburn starting to set in. You hear a startled wheezy laugh from above you, a sound you know better than anyone else on this planet. You smile. It's not like you had any dignity to begin with.

You say hello to him as you peel yourself off of the floor of his car.

"Hey, there robobuddy. You stuck the landing this time," He smiles down at you as he reaches over you to shut the door, closing the space out from natural light and leaving you both lit by his colorful LEDs. You shrug and tell him you've been getting a lot of practice landing on your face these days. The look he gives you is still smiling but there's some level of disbelief at the dumbassery that is your whole existence.

"I know you can get yourself into it. Nothing too bad this time, though, right? No drones or broken bones?" He sounds concerned which is nice but he doesn't drown you with his concern. He leans back on the bench of his limo, keeping an eye on you as the vehicle begins to move on its own. You've been staying out of big messes but the little messes are starting to mess with you. He makes a sound of understanding the sounds as it comes from deep in his chest. Whoa. "Believe me, I've been there. Glad you're not cracking under it though."

He smiles and you can see his little fang and you can feel your heart melt a little. And also you're getting a bit teary-eyed and now Mallek looks alarmed. Shit. You try to quickly explain that you're fine, just, alien allergies am I right? He must be using some new air freshener to mask the musty smell of his limo. Since doesn't use it enough. Ha ha?

He isn't buying it.

With a rare show of cerulean prowess, he lifts you up off of the shitty car rug and sets you on the seat beside him. He feels uncomfortable and you can tell. Ah, goddammit you made it weird. You didn't mean to. Fuck. Fuck now you're feeling even worse. You thought you were starting to balance out. You're with Mallek now, shouldn't everything start to quiet down like it always does? Fuck. He doesn't say anything at first, just leans back against the seat and stretches his arms across it, letting you lean on him if you choose to.

...You choose to.

Your head finds itself somewhere between his shoulder and his collarbone, and you just. Shove your face there. Then scream.

To his credit, Mallek doesn't even flinch. He doesn't wince or shy away from you as you let out every bit of anger, sadness, and frustration out against his sweater. He just sits quietly, staring straight at the blacked-out windshield. You get the feeling he's needed to do this more than once.

Screw this planet. Screw everything about it that makes all of your friends suffer. Why can't you just get them away from all this bullshit?! Why do you have to deal with everyone's bullshit! You love them, you do but holy fuck they're looking to you like you can undo all the damage this place has done to them when you've got literally no god damn idea what's happening at any point ever!

And then, just like that, it fades into the background. Your throat hurts. Your head hurts and you think you might be crying. But it feels lighter. Better now that you've gotten some of that aggression out. You aren't like the trolls on Alternia. You can't kill people when you experience an Emotion™. But that doesn't mean you don't get pent up with rage.

Mallek realizes that now. He lets out a breath he didn't realize he was holding and his left hand slowly moves down from the back of the seat the rest against your back. His thumb brushes against your back, the claw drawing little patterns against the fabric of your sweater. His sweater. He tries not to think his sign your chest. This isn't the time.

"Feeling any better?" He asks and you don't know how to answer. You kinda don't want to. But you nod anyways, and you feel some tension leave his body. You knew he was worried about you. You apologize for making him witness your meltdown but he just makes another deep-chested hum. "Nothing to apologize for. I got the feeling you weren't feeling great. I could tell from the texts, you didn't use nearly enough ugly emojis."

You scoff and smack a hand against his chest and once again you hear that wonderful laugh from him. Hey! Your purrbeast emojis are adorable, thank you very much! And you'll not hear another word of it or else you'll send him pictures of rocks and rocks exclusively. No more memes.

"Jokes on you I'm into that shit." You laugh and thump your head against his collarbone. You thank him for being with you when were needed it. And picking you up to make sure you didn't deal with it alone. You don't want to make it weird but...yeah.

He doesn't respond this time, just letting you both enjoy the silence and the comforting sound of the engine. You should almost be at Mallek's apartment by now. It's as you're settling in for the last bit of the drive that you notice that the limo isn't moving. And hasn't been for a while. Your head pops up in confusion and the little GPS display on the back of one of the seats says... yep.

You're already at Mallek's.

But then why is the engine still on? That can't be good for the environment. Do these things even run on gas or is it bugs? Bug gas? Gross.

You notice then that the rumbling is coming from behind you. Like. From where Mallek is sitting. He doesn't look away when you turn to him, just kind of tilting his head to the side with a little bit of a cerulean hue to his cheeks. Oh. Oh, the sound is coming from him. He's purring. That's.

That's adorable.

You feel yourself soften even more when he lifts his arms, silently offering a hug if you want it. Is this platonic? Is this more? You've never had too much trouble identifying what people wanted from you. (Debatable.) If was overtly flushed you could shut it down or divert it to something very much friends only. (Like your every exchange with Zebruh.) But did you even want to do that to your hackerman? You could feel yourself screaming, no, absolutely not. But at the same time, you didn't want things to change. You didn't want to make his issues any worse than they already were. He didn't have too much longer on the planet and you knew it would tear him apart.

But then he turned those blue eyes to you. He looked just as unsure as you were but he was willing to take the risk. He shoved himself so far out of his comfort zone for you and was asking you to be selfish. To want something for yourself and do something for yourself. Not put him or anyone else's wants first. Just your own. And so you did.

You crawled up into his lap, pressed yourself as close to him as you could and clung to him. His arms didn't hesitate to wrap around you and you could feel a shuddering breath from above you.

"We don't have to put a label on this... not yet. Or ever. Either way is chill with me. I just... yeah." He gave up with a little shrug of his shoulders but you knew what he meant. Unless you could find a way to fight fate he was going to go off-world. He was going to leave you and you doubted you'd be able to go with him. You'd probably get gored by a drone for even trying.

But even if it was just for now, just for a moment, you were going to take it. You were going to let yourself have something, have someone who would care for you no matter how long or short your time was. You'd take it. You had stomached some of the most horrible things on this planet but Mallek had always been a constant. And you got the feeling he thought the same way about you.

So, you'd take it. Whatever comes next, you'd take it. You listened to the sound of his purring, in no hurry to move to get inside the apartment. Mallek felt the same.

You exhaled.

You would be okay.

[itmighthavebeenintentional]

We've Got Tonight - Ch 3

Summary: “It’s not your job to do this, Andy. You make people happy. I was in the diner all of ten minutes, and you knew exactly how to get me to smile. You do normal, real things like garden and sing karaoke. Saving the world is my job, Sam’s job. Sometimes it’s even Cas’s job, but it’s not yours.”

Inspired by Bob Seger’s “We’ve Got Tonight”

Warnings: Major Character Death, More Major Character Deaths (sort of?), higher than show level violence, blood, light smutting, language, demons, apocalypse, inferred suicide, cult activity.

18+ ONLY, MINORS DO NOT PROCEED

Author’s Note: This story is set hazily around season 8. Just squint a little, and it’ll settle in somewhere. I wrote this story after certain big revelations in the show, but before other big ones; you’ll most likely be able to tell which. I play with time a bit in the story itself, so if things seem out of order, they are. Hopefully, by the end, all the pieces will fit together.

What the hell, let’s give it a shot.

Image and major edits by the incomparable @there-must-be-a-lock . Heavy editing and cheering by @thoughtslikeaminefield . Thank you both so much.

Word Count: Ch 3 - 1637

In case you missed it: Chapter 2 ItMightHaveBeenintentional’s Masterlist

...

We’ve Got Tonight

Chapter 3

One month is not enough time to get used to nights in the bunker, she thinks as she stares at the back of Dean’s door. It’s too sterile, too unnatural, with the quiet permeating every crevice and recess.

There must be some sort of muffling spell or noise cancellation technology… or maybe just really good insulation. She’s used to the chatter of customers, the ding of the door chime, the clatter of plates, and the sloshing of the dishwasher. She’s never had to listen to herself think this much before, and she freely admits she is not a fan.

It’s been about four hours since Dean stormed out. “I’m done,” he said, but she doubts she’ll have to wait much longer. Those last words he shouted before Castiel came in, the way he gripped her and she had to force herself not to cling right back, tells her they aren’t finished, either with their argument or each other.

Muffled footsteps, the only sound besides her heart beat and non-stop internal monologue, let her know moments before the doorknob turns that Dean is back. The door swings open, not with the angry force she’s expecting, but with the same weary resignation that bows his shoulders as he steps into his room and shrugs off his jacket.

His eyes meet hers for an eternity, then he deliberately takes two more steps forward and closes the door firmly behind him.

She’s in his arms without a moment’s hesitation, her mouth on his, devouring him with every bit of desperation she possesses. He tastes of scotch, and she can picture him sitting despondently at the local watering hole, glaring balefully at a single glass of liquor for hours.

His arms constrict automatically until she’s equally breathless from his embrace as she is from the kiss. Just when she thinks he may have to physically hold her up, Dean pulls away just far enough to stare hard into her eyes, his expression daring her to challenge his next words.

“We are not done talking. You are going to tell me every detail of your deal, whether you like it or not. And don’t think for a second I’m going to let you go through with it. Choices be damned, Andy, this isn’t just about you anymore, and you know it.”

She refrains from telling him how much of a dad vibe he’s giving off as she shoves his flannel from his shoulders and pulls his face back to hers, clenching a handful of his t-shirt in a death grip.

Neither of them is gentle as they remove clothing and stagger their way to his bed; she knows they don’t have the time to be, and he suspects as much but doesn’t say so aloud. Neither is willing to ruin their precious remaining moments together by bringing up something as distasteful as reality. Nails score flesh, fingers bruise limbs, even their lips come away with faint traces of blood from accidental clashes with teeth.

“How long?” he rasps, his lips ghosting over her sternum. Her nails dredge shallow furrows across the backs of his thighs as he pulls back before thrusting hard, driving her into his mattress. “How long have we got?”

She tugs his mouth down to her breast, hissing as his teeth scrape and tug. Her fingers thread into his hair, holding him in place, silently willing him to let the subject go. She can’t answer him. She’s had a month with him, and while she’d rather have something closer to a lifetime, all she’s asking now is two more uninterrupted, untainted hours.

If she tells him, then the shortness of their time becomes real, everything becomes devastatingly real. Here in the bunker that is far too quiet for her own peace of mind, she can pretend the outside world and all it’s insane occultists and apocalypses and demons and deals don’t exist. She can pretend it’s just her and Dean, and nothing else bad is waiting on the other side of the horizon.

And he’d try to stop her. And probably succeed. So, no. She can’t tell him.

It’s some time before both of them are sated enough to lie relatively still. She keeps her back to him, knowing if she looks in his eyes she is liable to spill every bit of information she has left, and she does not want a repeat of the scene from earlier. Once was more than enough.

“I’m waiting, Andy.”

We all have to learn to live with disappointment, hun, she thinks. Aloud, she sighs and pushes herself back until her shoulder blades press against his chest. She’s been cold since they first brought her to the bunker, and his warmth is almost enough to make her forget that she’s chilled to her marrow. She shivers, forcing a partition up in her mind to keep out thoughts of her impending departure. She’s going to wait until he’s asleep, then head out to make the last rendezvous.

Sunrise, Dean, she thinks, despite her best efforts. I’ve got til sunrise. We’ve got less than that.

Luckily, she’s had enough caffeine to give a draft horse the shakes, and he’s running on three hours sleep for the last couple of days, so he should pass out pretty soon. The last thing she needs is the infamous Winchester Interference with her plans.

With the confidence that comes from knowing she’s right at the end of everything, Andy rolls over and pulls Dean’s head down so his cheek rests between her breasts, cradling him like a child and stroking his hair just as she’s longed to do since he strolled into her diner and winked at her over a stack of pancakes. He doesn’t protest, doesn’t even pretend to resist, instead nuzzling deeper in her embrace, and that’s when she really knows she’s wounded him far more deeply than she should have been capable.

“It was only supposed to be a fling,” she remarks to the top of his head as she runs her nails over the base of his skull. He shivers, pulling the blanket over them up to his chin and sliding his arms around her waist. His shoulder lies on her stomach, its weight sitting comfortably against her belly. “The first time I met you, you declared your love for me because I brought you bacon, for God’s sake. At four in the afternoon. You were supposed to be a good time, Dean, one good night, and then ride on out of town like a good boy.”

“You’d already be dead if you hadn’t given me your number,” he points out. For once, his lascivious nature is dormant, and he doesn’t so much as sneak a stray lick or grope, despite his optimal position. She strokes her thumb down the side of his jaw, scrubbing over several days’ worth of stubble that covers his cheeks. He turns his face into her touch, sliding his nose against the sensitive skin under her breast, and then it’s her turn to shiver.

“Andy, before you do anything stupid, anything else stupid, I need to tell you...I need you to know that I...”

“No, you don’t,” she chides, cutting him off before he can choke out any more ill-advised words. She can’t hear them right now, they would break down every barrier and barricade she’s constructed to hold herself together for these last hours. And, anyway, he can’t possibly mean them. They barely know each other. “But you could. I think both of us might have, eventually. So, we have that, at least.”

Her ribs creak at the sudden tightening of his grip, and she squirms until he relents enough to allow her breathing to return to normal.

“It’s not your job to do this, Andy. You make people happy. I was in the diner all of ten minutes, and you knew exactly how to get me to smile. You do normal, real things like garden and sing karaoke. Saving the world is my job, Sam’s job. Sometimes it’s even Cas’s job, but it’s not yours.”

His words end on something that she would never in a thousand years tell him sounds like a crack. She silently strokes the velvety hairs on the back of his neck, waiting for him to finish clearing his throat.

“Don’t try to be the hero; it never works out for anyone involved, even the people you’re trying to save.”

“Don’t start with me, Dean Winchester. Here we are, having a nice moment, and I will not let you ruin the time we have left with arbitrary things like depth and honesty.”

The air system hisses soothingly in the background, but she won’t let herself be soothed. This time left is for him, she’s not fooling herself about that any longer. What does she have left but Dean, anyway? She’s got three, four hours left at the most, and this is how she chooses to spend them.

She rolls once more, pulling Dean underneath her until she lies atop him, flush from collarbone to ankles. He watches her, his face soft and open for once, golden and warm in the dim light of the little bedside lamp. His hands move slowly, reverently, to glide over the curve of her jaw and mouth, and she can feel the faint tremors that run through his hands. She kisses his fingers one at a time before lifting her eyes to his.

“No, you don’t,” she repeats, “But you could.” The world needs the Winchesters around a hell of a lot more than it needs her. And while she might make people happy, saving people and hunting things is the Winchesters’ family business. This is her only chance to make sure they and the world stick around long enough for that to keep happening. ...

Chapter 4

[frienderbender]

hey frienderbender is it ok to ask for some lore/information on your magpickles 🥺 I’m very invested in those goods ( off the topic but can I just say I am in LOVE with the way you draw Skwisgaar my heart is just fluttering to fast when I see him 🥺💞 Anyways muah you’re wonderful artist thank you have a lovely day/evening )

oh sure! first off thank you so much for the sweet message! that made my night :'] i love drawing skwisgaar and im glad you like how he looks in my style haha

anyways im assuming youre talking about my general lore for them in the canon timeline, so ill talk about that under the cut

i think they first met some time in the late 80s while pickles was still with snb. they met after a show specifically. magnus introduced himself as a fan, and that was true! but (quick tangent for some general mag thoughts) it brings up something that ive always thought about when i look at mag. magnus definitely gives off the vibe of being the guy who was always just Around in the music scene, especially in the rock and metal scene of this era. like, hes a mysterious dude but he has connections. he will play with random bands sometimes. he knows so many fucking people in this industry (not saying hes friends with all of them though); what im trying to say is. Everyone Has A Magnus Hammersmith Story. hes the type of guy that gets talked about in podcasts decades down the line. ok all that to say he was able to get backstage because he just Knows People. and he introduces himself as a fan blah blah pickles and magnus drink and do some drugs and honestly i wouldnt be surprised if they at the very least made out with each other the first night they met.

so pickles is like, pretty into him right off the bat. magnus was too, but i think on his end INITIALLY he was more just interested in hooking up but they exchange info and keep in touch and all that. so. this is RIGHT before snb implodes. and theyre still meeting up fairly regularly and becoming closer and doing a lot of drugs and drinking a bunch. typical rockstar stuff.

but pickles had been on a steady downward spiral at this point (he was already like this before he met magnus), and in one night snb is no more. having burned all those bridges in his band (for now), pickles turns to his only friend left: magnus. and i think its at this point, when pickles comes to him, wrecked by the dissolution of his band, that magnus kinda starts to realize he might actually feel something for him too? seeing him like this, seeing pickles from fucking snakes n barrels, so raw and real and not at all like the fiery redhead he met that night after their show...it just feels different somehow. like yeah he was attracted to pickles from snakes n barrels, but he realized he had grown to care about pickles from tomahawk wisconsin. he liked that one better, there was no bullshit. no hiding beneath layers of glam makeup and hairspray.

so its the two of them against the world. its the early 90s at this point. on a whim, pickles decides they should leave LA and just drive. wherever. just away from the city because LA fucking sucks. he takes all his money and he and magnus get in his car and just start driving. they end up in florida eventually, because its the other side of the country. or something. they get an apartment, and for a couple of months they live together and its. kinda nice. its different, for sure. but not bad. magnus and pickles both always kinda skirted around the topic of their relationship. they never called the other their boyfriend. but i feel strongly that they did tell each other that they loved the other, once. and they meant it.

so heres where things get tricky for me. how did dethklok form? what was the order? who met who first? i dont know!! i wish i knew! its something i have a million scenarios for and i wish we got a canon order of the members joining at the very least so i can model my headcanons around it haha

with that in mind though, i do think magnus and pickles were a bit of a package deal. like, whoever joined first was able to get the other in. so. yeah. they joined dethklok some time in the early to mid 90s now.

they have a pretty decent few years. theyre still.......something....even in their new band. like they arent open about it and hook up when the other guys arent around and all that.

its around this time though that i think magnus is really starting to go through it. combination of feeling frustrated because of the bands status at this point, general untreated mental health, etc. anyways i think the stabbing incident occurred some time in the mid 90s, probably like '95 or '96 or something. so.....he gets kicked out. obviously. and those are the terms they end on for awhile.........

but uh. you see. pickles never completely cut ties with the dude because. well. what do you do when this happens to someone you care so deeply about. and i think probably a month or so later, magnus actually contacts him for the first time since the stabbing incident. and maybe i have a comic script and thumbnails about this encounter what about it. magnus tells him he wants to see him, so pickles slips out that night to meet up at an old bar they used to go to a lot. may or may not be the depths of humanity uhhh anyway. theyre talking for awhile but it just kinda devolves into honestly more one-sided arguing on pickles end. hes frustrated and sad and confused because fuck! magnus! why would you do that? why, when the bands just starting to take off? it becomes this whole like. you arent the same guy i knew. and in that moment it quietly hits them both that like. we arent who we were, and we dont know what to do about that. magnus asks if pickles would want to join him and leave the band, and pickles tells him to go fuck himself. and thats the last thing he ever said to him.

and thats where the magpickles lore/relationship timeline ends. i realize it really did kinda turn into a timeline but also i did write a timeline during a slow day at work once like two months ago but. anyways. this is basically that.

but uh. yes. i love them. they make me sad but in a good way yknow. its like. its one of those situations where i feel like under different circumstances, they probably couldve made it work in their own weird way. they have such a specific dynamic, whether in their background together in the canon timeline or just me fucking around with AUs and being like hmm what if i actually gave them a scenario where they could have the time to develop AS an actual couple. im rambling but i just love these two so much. this is so long.

i feel strongly they wouldnt get back together in any sort of canon capacity, but i do think they still have feelings for each other in that way you do when you remember people you loved in the past. old friendships that dissolved with no resolution. the person you still have things you want to tell them, even though you know you will never get the chance.

[quinn-tessence]

Nocturne for a Clown

Part 1

In this frightening, destabilizing global pandemic, we all seek comfort. I found mine in Arthur, and I know many of you did too. This community has given me so much, I cannot express my gratitude enough. So here's something I can give back. A Nocturne for our beloved Clown, who still inspires us to this day, and will probably never stop. 🤡🖤

Summary: you stumble into an intriguing neighbor, a tragic, beautiful party clown named Carnival with jade eyes and cocoa hair. His meekness around you gets under your skin enough to lead you unconsciously into his path by accident.

Length: 3.5k

Warnings: mentions of mental illness, alcohol use, nudity, playful flirting and light fluff. Pre smut intro, this is going places… 🤭🤡❤

-------------------------------------------

You should have taken more bags, you could barely hold all these groceries as you opened the door to let yourself inside your block of flats. You greeted granny Mabel picking up her mail but swiftly turned your attention to the closing door of the elevator.

‘Wait, hold the lift, please!’

In your haste to catch the ride, a foot was lodged on the door, sliding it back open to let you in. Careful not to spill all the veggies on the floor, your attention fell onto the man sharing the ride with you only as he asked what floor you were going to.

‘5th please, thank you for holding the door'

‘Sure'

The lift shook in its slow ascent, your heart would have skipped a beat had it not been a part of your daily routine to feel that bump in your bones. His hair is really nice, the length and the curls around the edges. Hm. You couldn't help looking at him, he was all of your visual field after all, so you scrutinized, as you’d often do. He’d politely turned sideways, avoiding to keep his back to you, but you couldn't see his face clearly in the dim yellow light. He wasn't much taller than you, his complexion quite slim and fragile looking, his back slouched as if carrying the heaviest weight on his shoulders. Gotham made that easy, grey and gloomy by day even during good weather, a pile of construction and buildings with no defined identity, enough to fit all from the scourge to the wealthy.

‘This building's awful, isn't it?’ an uncharacteristic curiosity made you try out some small talk in the hopes you'd get a better glimpse.

You knew too few people in this building, and you were far from chatty in elevators with strangers. Usually. He looked so old fashioned wearing that shirt and the linen vest, but the ochre of his jacket heightened the cocoa brown of his hair, yellow light reflecting off the edges delicately. He was cute, in an oddly endearing sort of way. A pair of basil green eyes turned to your as he bit the bait, the sly grin cutting through his cheek a stark contradiction to everything else about him, the scar on his upper lip a peculiarity that only furthered your intrigue. There was a deep well of sadness in his eyes, overbearing, bone chilling. It prickled your skin as you noticed it, but the gaze under his eyelids was piercing. That unnerving feeling the striking contrast brought, you couldn't shake it off.

The joy ride on strings stopped just as your cheeks started to fluster. You bid him good night as you walked out, your awareness over your morning overuse of perfume now as acute as ever.

‘Hey!’ he shouted in a shy, husky voice as you stepped out.

You turned to him one last time to see him mimicking a gun shot to the head as a rather late comical attempt to reply to your earlier remark. Unconventional, yes, but not a sort of humor you didn't enjoy. The fact that you just couldn't make him out drew a puzzled smile on your face as the elevator door closed.

Hm. What was that? you wandered as you had one foot in stirring curiosity, the other guiding you to your door as if by reflex. You'd lived here for months already, yet you hadn't seen him before. He was quite handsome in an outlandish sort of way, you would not have let that go unnoticed had you seen him before.

Months had passed, yet you still had storing boxes around your living room. Your stay should have just been temporary, yet you'd started decorating it with your own sketches and it had suddenly become your home, your sanctuary, your oasis to recharge you after long days at the office close by. You'd stumbled into this place by accident while looking for a cozy place to stay, but you found no reason to leave it behind. Your own art gallery, with bright lights flooding the windows throughout the day that allowed you to paint during weekends without your eyes squinting, your safe space.

Not today though, your feet were sore and your arms hurt from carrying those groceries. All you wanted was a glass of white wine and an excessive bag of popcorn while you watched the Murray show, but you picked up Dostoyevsky to delve again into the question of the perfect murder while you waited. This book you could never grow tired of, and it rattled you to devour chapter after chapter, accompanying a tormented soul on a journey of falling into madness, its universe a silent revolt and escape from the reality of Gotham you'd craved deep down without ever voicing.

‘We sometimes encounter people, even perfect strangers, that begin to interest us at first sight, somehow suddenly, all at once, before a word has been spoken.' Hm. Go figure.

The deafening silence in the room would soon be filled by your own comments at the starting show, Murray’s humor making you roll your eyes at his lack of self awareness, quite versed he was in ridiculing one person or another. A comedy show, yes, but sometimes he would take it a bit too far even for your inappropriate taste in humor.

A few hours and half a bottle of wine later, the sweet taste of the wine still lingered on your lips, flooding your murky mind to a familiar place of solitary self indulgence. Not long after shutting your eyes, a recent memory took shape at the back of your eyelids, and you felt an irrational urge to trace a sketch of him. You were too tired to start drawing at this hour. Your fingers would be of much better use tracing those lines you were curious to feel off his own fingertips. You hadn't indulged yourself in a while, but the thought of this bewitching man flashing in the most vulgar parts of your mind soon changed that. Maybe you were blatantly objectifying your neighbor… but only a little… You'd been so busy with the new job, the long hours exhausting, the absence of a soul to keep you company a nuisance you'd learned to bury in piles of work. But the urges only amplified the more you'd stifle and ignore them, demanding to be satiated. So you gave into yourself, into him, into the sweet, intoxicating effect of your favorite wine, into the memory of the piercing green eyes that had you whimper in silence.

Something about him was out of place. You’d seen him from afar and he looked defenseless. But as you came closer, you could feel yourself swallow hard as you waited for his gaze to look to your direction. Odd, wasn't it? He hadn't said much, but the tension in the elevator had penetrated your bones to late night reminiscence. Something was not right about him, an 'I should be afraid, instead it turns me on' vibe to him had taken you right to the edge.

The next day you bumped into him after work at the corner store, he was buying cigarettes and a chocolate bar. With that level of nutrition, no wonder he was so feeble, yet there was something about him that had kept you up at night. You'd already developed a weakness for him, but that stifled your reaction instead of filling you with courage. He smiled shyly and walked out the door, his eyes counting his slouched steps. Shit. Next time.

One particular evening you noticed two blue diamonds peering meticulously through the store shelves, the greasepaint on the man's face rendering him almost unrecognizable lest for his unmistakable skinny complexion and beautiful cocoa hair. Your freight of clowns had shaped your life since childhood, yet that terror had somehow melted instantly at the sight of his jade eyes underneath the white blue makeup. He'd shied away as you noticed him, stealing a smile that got your feet walking into an opposite reaction, trying to hide your pleasant surprise at his creepy, endearing stares. You wondered if that was his job, it would be absurd to just walk around in a clown costume, stalking women. Not to mention, horrifying and nightmare inducing, as even you would have felt until a moment ago if it hadn't been him wearing the clown costume.

Fumbling around the store, shying behind the counters as you paid for your groceries, you couldn't resist glancing at him one more time. You'd missed your chance before and you regretted it. All it took was to reach for one item from the isle he was hiding in, even if you had no use for it. Startling him was the last of your intentions, so you mimicked his behavior peering at him through the shelves, perhaps that would open him up to you. As you both walked in the same direction towards the corridor, he stopped shy in his tracks, eyes now as big as the clown shoes on his feet, scanning the floors, anxiously facing the inevitable.

‘Hi there. I've seen you around, haven't I?'

You'd planned on being more casual in your approach, yet the tone of your voice evoked a warm intimacy built over nights of having him wander purposefully in the depths of your fantasies. The clown costume should have helped alienate that feeling, instead it only burned deeper. The youthful innocence draped across his face contrasted strikingly with the furrows in his forehead betraying his age. He couldn't be younger than 35 at least, yet the spark of his almond shaped eyes took 15 years off his complexion. He cleared his throat before being able to speak.

‘Hi! Yes, we met in the elevator last week. I didn't think you'd recognize me in my work outfit.’

‘I thought that was you. You could frighten ladies if you keep peering at them while wearing a clown costume, you know? Not a lot of good press on them in the past years’

A nervous chuckle escaped his throat, he couldn't have missed that connection himself but he seemed caught red handed.

‘Well I haven't even pulled my gun yet. I was waiting for the store to clear out a bit before I robbed the place and kidnapped you'

There was that dark humor, but damn him for making you smile like a teenager.

‘A clown with a gun and a plan, not at all frightening. You're funny! Pass me that pasta sauce, would you?’

He quickly reached for the item on his counter and reached over it to hand it to you. The gawkiness in his hasty moves was proof enough he wasn't used to being approached by women, you were sure his cheeks were as flaming red under the white makeup as the flower pinned to his colorful checkered blazer. You shook your head and pointed at the end of the counter, your feet moving in the direction where you wanted him. He followed shyly, dragging his oversized clown shoes.

As he handed you the item, you thanked him kindly and immediately put it back up on the shelf. His gaze fell to his feet again, surely flustered by the subtext of your action. Yet within a split of a second, his eyes pierced back at yours and you'd forgotten all words.

‘Why don't I walk you home instead? I'll keep the gun and kidnapping for another occasion. Let me help you with those' he reached for your groceries, his proximity to you feeding the fire. You gladly agreed and walked the couple blocks with him, curious of his day job and adoring the purr of his soothing voice, it tore you up every time you heard it falter. His suit and makeup should have kept you a mile away, yet he seemed to be the most welcome companion to comfort you through your biggest irrational fear. As you reached the apartment complex sooner than you'd wished, he stopped and let out a complicit chuckle.

‘I… seem to have forgotten to do my own groceries, I’ll have to go back now, somehow I got distracted…’

‘And I thought you were there just to kidnap me.’ You just couldn't help continuing his apropos, hoping deep down he'd actually do it. ‘Thank you for walking me home, that was sweet of you'

‘You're very welcome. I'm Arthur, by the way, or Carnival if you prefer the party clown'

‘Nice to meet you, Arthur. I'm Y/N.’

‘Y/N…’ the sound of your name off his lips jolted you shamelessly to the point where you needed to take that step back, and yet you didn't. ‘I'll see you around?’

The smile on his painted face a ray of sunshine in an otherwise wretched day. Carnival, you cheekily thought to yourself, never had you wanted to experience one as badly as you did seeing him light up a cigarette and inhale it wantonly almost halfway through, walking back a few steps, then turning and making his way back to the store.

Days at work had flown by rapidly in your constant distraction with a lingering image of a colorful clown. Not even the new guy everyone was talking about could catch your attention, even if your girlfriends kept mentioning a stunning pair of black eyes and a charming swagger. Had he been a smoker, you'd perhaps get a glimpse of him during your breaks, at least. The Fridays hardly ever felt like the weekend, and this one made you want to smash some bones, your own sorrows bubbling up inside you, like a mint candy in a bottle of Cola. You were more of an indoors cat, but your really couldn't pass on a 3rd invitation for a night out, your buddies would think you were willfully ditching them. Fine I'll go! Just one drink though.

Mixing gin and tequila hadn't been up there among your smartest choices. You should have stopped after the 3rd shot, but you hadn't had so much fun in months. Hah! I feel dizzy. But this feels good, your thoughts pieces of a puzzle you were too drunk to make out. As your feet moved out of the taxi and into the cold early morning air, you were finally back home. You must have remembered to pay the fare otherwise the cabby would have chased you down. You drifted in your scrambled thoughts as your feet walked out of reflex, your mind miles away, preoccupied with a certain pair of turquoise eyes. Perhaps you had a propensity for dark hues, but those had always just been mere dust in front of green shades. I’m not in my own mind anymore… I’m in someone else's... And I’m touching myself, I’m licking my lips, the tip of my tongue grazes over the scar on my upper lip, the heat of my breath comes from within a boiling body, my skin sizzles. I hum and I moan and I... hah, fuck, I think I just broke my heel, I’m so fekkin drunk. You dragged yourself to the elevator, your mind desperately hoping you were managing to keep yourself composed so the sweet old doorman wouldn't judge you as a drunken failure in life.

Why did you do this to yourself? And can you just not redirect all your remaining fluids to where they're not required before you're at least in your bed? Fuck, I can't... you'd been pushing the elevator button for a minute before you growled a tad too loud at the drunken realization you’d have to climb all 5 storeys in this wretched state you'd put yourself into.

Fine, just get your sorry ass up before you make a fool of yourself clowning around. Just one more and you're there. Fumbling for your keys in your bag, you leaned on the door and, to your surprise and annoyance, it opened. What the fuck, was I drunk before I left my apartment? How could I have forgotten to lock the damn door?

You felt sick to your stomach, you couldn't walk to the bed. You hadn't drunk so much for over a year, you’d forgotten how useless you were in this state. The couch would do for tonight. You almost dropped yourself to the floor, the couch not in the same position as you'd left it, but who cared. I'm never drinking again, you thought as you coiled around the pillow, a shoe dropping on the floor while the other hung half way. It smelled of cigarettes, most probably from your clothes.

A familiar enticing aftertaste of alcohol clawed its way out once again, you should have known this was coming. You wished he'd be there so you could release yourself to him, as frail as he was he'd surely handle you gently, and mmm wouldn't that feel sweet. The alcohol had just been a low end substitute to bury your frustrations and aches. Hah, even if he was here, you'd be useless. But that didn't stop you from dozing off to the thought of his gentle fingers strolling down your neck to your breasts, drawing circles on your waist before goin... down lo...

There was too much light in the room, as drunk as you’d been you’d forgotten to draw the curtains. You couldn't open your eyes, the headache was throbbing, so you rubbed your temples and turned your led limbs from the aching position you'd landed on as the most shameful drunk in this city.

Your mind thought you could take opening your eyes, and as you did you felt the alcohol pressuring your Adam's apple, a deep breath a flimsy stronghold to keep everything down. A deep breath that turned swiftly to a high pitched shriek at the sight of this man walking towards you dripping water off his naked body, a towel being rubbed onto his hair with both hands. You shrieked as you fell to the floor, hitting yourself against an unfamiliar coffee table, flagons of pills spilling all over it.

Oh shit, you heard him say as he hid behind the wall, peering at you but quieting his anxiety the more he looked.

'What are you... Y/N, you're in the wrong apartment! Shit, I need to put something on'

Oh god what had you done?? A sous chef could have mistaken you for a lobster and thrown you in a bucket of boiling water, you’d surely been simmering in that since the realization of how much of an idiot you were at walking into his apartment, of all damn places.

‘Oh my god, I am SO SORRY, I had a few too many drinks with my friends and I must have... I surely have climbed too many storeys to my place. I'll be out of your hair, I am so sorry!!!’ He'd been hopping throughout your dreams for the past weeks, you'd seen him naked so many times before, but not once in the flesh. You were flustered at the brazen realization of how far off you'd been as you fantasized about him bare before you. It was nerve wrecking, you wished you could just disintegrate into a million atoms and let the ground swallow you whole.

He chuckled as he returned in a half clothed state, clearly having shortened the process just to catch you before you shut the door behind you.

‘Yeah, the elevator was out of order yesterday. Hey, it's ok. You just really scared me, I wasn't expecting to find you on my couch, you know? You're... welcome to... stay a bit longer if you want. You look like you've had a rough night, I could whip out some breakfast and get you back on your feet. If you wish…’

He'd whipped out more than you'd thought he would a couple minutes ago, thank you very much for the extra sleepless nights.

‘Oh my god, no, I couldn't take advantage of you like that, I just slept on your couch uninvited, I am so horrible. Please excuse me, and thank you for not calling the cops on me.’

He'd smiled at you in the elevator before your heels had started flaming for him a few weeks back, but this was different. His whole face had lit up, his eyes sparkling as if emerald and jade had caught a reflection of the sun, his crooked tooth a tantalizing new discovery, especially as the scar on his lip etched itself deeper into your psyche. You were in his house, after all, where else would he feel most comfortable if not in his private, intimate home, one that you'd shamefully invaded and found him completely naked and wet.

‘They're on their way actually, I’m just stalling before they show up to escort you from my property.’

You chuckled as you held your temple, you must have been a disgusting mess, your makeup all smudged, on your face a decrepit layer of last nights overindulgence, and yet he made you laugh.

‘You're funny, Arthur... I'll take care of that myself, tell them it was a false alarm...’

As you opened the door to remove yourself from this torrent of shame, his voice stopped you in the doorstep.

‘Hey, you wanna… grab a coffee later tonight? It might help with that hangover’

‘You really want to go out after all this?’

‘Yeah!’ his eyebrow twitched in reflex, startling you at its sudden air of impertinence. You couldn't tell if your limbs had mellowed from alcohol, or his facial expressivity had been the melting catalyst. ‘Pajama night, I'll take you to the best Donut diner in town. 9 PM?’

You really wished you could process everything clearly, but he wasn't making it easier at all. ‘Alright then, pajama night it is!’

‘Great! Are you sure I can't help you to your place?’

‘Sorry to ask, what floor is this?’

‘6th.’

‘Oh, I’m right downstairs, maybe going down a flight of stairs will shake off this horrid hangover. Thanks again for... hosting me I guess, nice to see you again, Arthur. I'll see you later!’

You waved at him more in a futile attempt to cover your face as you stepped back out of that bubble of shame, feeling soaked to the bone. The droplets on his skin, he'd just gotten out of the shower, that routine gesture to slick back his hair, that wide morning gaze were mere special mentions as you went down the stairs, one other morning factor keeping your mind fully flustered as you unlocked your own front door this time.

-------------------------

Thank you for reading this far! 🤡🖤

A special thank you to a few wonderful people who inspire me daily ❤❤❤

@littlebird92 @life-or-something-like-lt @ralugraphics @jokers-puddin-pop @arthurfleckownsmysoul @bustafatclownnut @jokers-doll @rommies @bananabreaddough @paperorigami @ransomguest49 @daydreamhustler @arthurjokersgirl @lesbianearrings @arthurflecc @iartsometimes @arthurflecksgirl @forever-fleck @sweet-nothings04 @wuika @mollyxlyla-rosex @impulsiveclown @jokerlicious @jokergirl10491 @jokeconic @ajokeformur-ray @shaw-2000 @softyash @arthurflecc

[sanstropfremir]

it’s the episode 8 review!!! how many episodes is this show supposed to even be?

the stages from the episode feel like such a grab bag.... i still don’t understand why they didn’t put all the skill stages together, and then did the normal two episodes of the third round. i guess it makes sense that they didn’t want to have six stages in one episode and then three in the other two, but eh. 

feeling kinda average on these as a whole, there’s a lot of good elements going on here but probably because of my own preferences (i don’t listen to ballads or blackpink) none of them really hit all the buttons. hopefully this will be a shorter review because i'm only going to do a quick rundown of the vocal stages; i dont really have that much to say about them because they are (intentionally) not very stage picture focused. i'll do the normal stage breakdowns for the other two though, even though i won’t rank them because we still need to see the other four!

vocal stages

sf9 + tbz + ikon

not much to say here other than wow, that’s RED. glad to see some more specific use of spotlighting and i always love when they light things on fire. i do wish they had fill lit with a brighter amber so we could actually get a bit more detail on their faces, especially because there’s six of them. i appreciated the simple blocking and only using one of the ‘stages,’ this stage didn’t need to be anything complicated and it wasn’t. i don’t love spinning camera shots because they make me a bit ill, and i'll forgive the constant cutting because it's a vocal stage and there isn’t any other real movement that we should be paying attention to. not my favourite of the two, i found it visually a bit too repetitive and complex at the same time. always love a crushed velvet suit though, so bonus points for that.

atz + skz + btob

i was braced for the worst and i dont know what kind of miracle happened but it was listenable! like i said, not a ballad fan but i could listen to eunkwang all day. i love a good plinth for a ballad stage, they’re one of my favourite devices in kpop design and i especially love it with a good groundlevel fog. glad they kept it black and white for the first half of the stage, it was in line with the blooming flower projections, and it made a very clear colour arc. they kept the visuals clean and simple with very little blocking at all, a very smart choice for this stage. not sure why they decided it would be the chanel time stage, which i disapprove of because i don’t like chanel, but i do love eunkwang’s shirt with the cameo buttons and the massive turnback cuffs, very 17th and also 19th century. i know they never do it because they dont read on stage normally but yes absolutely more thin chain pendant chokers on men, thank you! i also liked that there was emphasis on a more traditional lighting scheme, there weren't any crazy concert effects, just some good directional beam spotlights and the rear stacks in the climax. 

third round stages

ikon

costume

the first look for them is definitely my fabourite of theirs so far. there’s enough variation in the jackets that the base layer of tshirt and jeans don’t look too repetitive. and i do love a good statement jacket. my favourite is probably donghyuk’s because i'm a sucker for fringe always.

i don’t like the backup dancers costumes, but given the way i’ve reacted to every other all black outfit for this entire show i don’t think anyone was surprised about that. these ones particularly irk me because they’re very matte; there's pretty much no texture or pattern differentials to define the shape of the limb, which makes them disappear when theyre all grouped together (mostly on the women). i think they probably were intending to make a statement/emphasis on the hands because of the sleeve cutoff point, but there were so many arm movements that were just totally missed because the costumes were just black voids. most egregious parts are here, with the female dancers up center. i can barely tell what the movements are unless i’m paying specific attention to them because there's so many black shapes. maybe it was the point for it to be an indiscernable writhing mass, but it wasn’t my vibe.

don’t love this styling on lisa. i hate peeptoe shoes in general but peeptoe boots are the worst offenders. they make you look like you have duck feet, no matter who you are. especially with a flat cutout like that. a universally unflattering shoe, and i would know, i worked in a shoe store for two years. this whole look is just pg-13 rihanna cfda awards 2014 and really nobody should try to run up against rihanna.

also i have to mention this because it’s actually really bothering me, but lisa’s backup dancers are serving very allgemeine ss looks and i do not like it. generally when we see ‘military’ uniforms in kpop theyre usually modelled off older styles (pre wwii) of western uniforms that usually aren’t in circulation, and they’re usually non-matching and embellished in ways that are deliberately not military. i know logically that it's a budget constraint+they’re backup dancers+current trend thing but the clean lines with only button detailing and the all black and that specific harness shape? it hit my brain the wrong way. i mean, technically those uniforms are designer because hugo boss did them, but the uh..... girlboss move didn’t land for me.

this is my PERSONAL OPINION please for the love of all that is holy do not come yelling at me about this. it’s all under a cut, you chose to read the post.

set

very glad to see some busy kitschy sets! this is a massive build, since there’s essentially three full sets here: the temple, the jungle, and the first tiny room. and all of them are very heavily decorated. 

the starting room is just five walls on casters (wheels), that have been set into place with the cameraman and ikon inside at the start, and then once they exit the walls can be easily struck and rolled off set. simple, smart, and convenient!

i missed it the first couple times around but glitching out the projections in the temple for a split second was a neat little trick.

the silver and polygonal nature of the tiger/panther/cat(?) head is a bit disconnected from the gold and the aesthetic of the rest of the stage for me. the difference between the original room set and the jungle tracks, but the cat head isnt able to make the same leap for me. i'm also not a fan of mixing metals so maybe that’s why.

the tiger/panther/cat(?) head is a fun physical transitional device; i'm a big fan of tunnels and small transitory spaces like that and if they’re well dressed like this one they do so much for establishing place and mood.

i'm very sure i’ve seen this style of polygonal animal head with laser eyes before....i cannot for the life of me remember where or for what. i know wang yibo did a panther stage for sdc3 that had a human formation panther with green laser eyes, i wonder if i'm just crossing wires.

OH nevermind it’s because it looks like the witcher medallion. wires were definitely crossed.

lighting

using purple/teal lighting for the jungle was a smart choice because purple is the direct compliment to the gold and also is much more flattering on humans than green. green is one of the colours that humans can see the most variations in, so when something is green when it's not supposed to be (like human skin), we register that very quickly and associate it with unease and sickness. you know how old fluorescent lights have that greenish tinge that kinda makes you feel ill? it's your cone cells and your brain recognizing that you’re looking at things that are not supposed to be green.

very clean colour arc, i love to see it.

sound

it’s.....fine? i don’t listen to blackpink and have no opinions on their music other than it's not my type. i dont really know what the thematic connection to the visuals is, which is not strictly necessary in a lot of cases, but i don’t particularly care for the conflation of ‘savage’ and a (presumably) precolonial religion that’s assembled from stereotypes of real colonized cultures. you can come at me about how ‘it's not that deep’ all you want but i am here specifically doing an in depth analysis, and i gotta point it out. i'm not here to pass judgement on you if you didn’t realize or don’t care or whatever, i'm just saying that it's important to consume content with a critical eye. what you do with that information is your own personal choice, but you should be aware of it at least. 

staging

they took a big risk eating popcorn right before singing, and we definitely got some residual mouth noises of them trying to clean out their teeth. eating on stage is difficult in general because you have to make sure it's not going to dry out the performers mouths, because they dont have access to water and it takes WAY longer to chew and swallow something than you would expect. there’s a LOT of testing that goes into making stage food and guaranteed it’s not made out of what it looks like or what its supposed to be; i worked on a production of amadeus were we did literal weeks of testing amalgams of different desserts to make sure that salieri could actually eat the ones onstage without totally drying him out, because fun fact about that show, salieri doesnt leave stage like, at all, so there was no way to get him water. poor bloke.

i thought the blocking of this was really smart. the long take from the ‘normal’ room and transition into the jungle was super slick, even if that weird circle the camera did while pointed up at the ceiling was unnecessary and pointless.

bobby’s ‘acting’ was extremely funny and that’s the only way people are allowed to act surprised now. edvard munsch scream style only.

the pacing is a bit off and this time it wasn’t mnet’s editing that fucked it up. as fun as it is to have a feature, clearly she wasn’t allowed within proximity of the rest of them for covid or other yg related reasons, but it made for some extremely long transitions, especially the one out of her verse. it kills the momentum of the stage in that beat, even though they manage to pick it up after.

this is a very simple little narrative arc that’s easy to follow and doesn’t require any extra explaining. which is exactly the kind of arc that groups should be doing at this stage in the game. this is a good formic step up for ikon!

i thought the turning off of the monitor at the end was fun and a good callback to them watching the videos at the beginning of the stage. a nice clean way to make it circular.

skz

costume

FINALLY something different on the skz boys! these were mostly fun eboy looks for them, and i like it on the basis that it's not the same as the last set of costumes.

bang chan out there with his thigh OUT and a (fake) bridge piercing? LOVE to see it. great work.

(copy-paste every thing i’ve said about backup dancers wearing all black)

the backup dancers that were dressed as bystanders/extras were great! they should have kept that with all of them because it would have given a little more shape to the choreography and establishing what function the backup dancers were supposed to have.

set

that is meant to be a giant rice cooker on stage, right? i think so because it's a god’s menu mashup? if that's not a rice cooker i have NO idea what its supposed to be

there’s only two large setpieces here, which was a smart way to go. i LOVE the subway car doubling as the truck, even if the truck itself makes no narrative sense. what a fun way to double the use of a single big piece. you’ll be able to see the way it moves in the full cam but it splits down the centre and there entrance doors at the back with attached stairs that bang chan and the dancers use to climb up.

lighting

not a whole lot happening here. i like the cool white leds in the subway car and the contrast with the more warm tones of the outside, which is good atmospheric establishment, but i can't discern a visible arc. 

not a fan of these projections; they’re in line with what we’ve seen from skz so far, which is: extremely literal. i dont think they’re that distracting, but they’re not to my personal taste. they really should have kept the comic panel theme that they did for changbin’s first verse, because that was inventive and fun to watch! and a great atmospheric indicator! i would love to see a bit more experimental projection use but it's hard when they don’t have a lot of time to build these stages and the lighting team is definitely working remotely.

sound

i love that they made the choice to do some actual talking, it’s a good gimmick and it works for the deadpool/comic book/fourth wall break theme, but australian accents take me the fuck out i am so sorry i cannot listen to either felix or bang chan speak english without laughing uncontrollably. 

i don’t like this arrangement but i'm not surprised about that, given my predilections. i'm also tired of skz shouting STRAY KIDS in every performance they do. i know on music shows it's probably more relevant and yea producers tags are a thing but we’ve been watching this show for nearly two months at this point. we know who you are, you can stop yelling. be more creative with it!

staging

my biggest issue with this stage is that it doesn’t have a payoff. there is an arc here: they’re stealing the truck, but why are they stealing the truck? who are they stealing it from? who are they fighting against? it's kind of important in a stage where the theme is stealing and fighting someone that you tell us who that is. in both of ateez’s previous stages were they were both stealing (rhythm ta) and fighting (wonderland), they made sure to show us who the villain was. there needs to be tension for a big blowup climax to actually pay off. whether it be against a a balloon arm kraken or a fascist government. this stage could have reached that next step if they’d just done a little bit more exposition. 

there were a lot of fun choreo moments here, and this is probably my favourite choreo of theirs so far. i thought the whole first bit in the subway car was excellent and a very fun play on those viral videos that we used to see roll around every so often of dancers doing routines in subway cars.

did it need the guns? not in the slightest. more on this point later. i could talk more about weapons and weight here, but i’ve done that several times already.

like with the tbz game of thrones stages, theyre relying a little too much on the audience's preconceptions of the source material in order to carry the theme. the guns are there because deadpool likes guns, but they don’t actually use the guns for anything? the most we get of the stealing segment is felix and the safe, which admittedly is a great bit with him leaping over and under the ‘laser’ lines (theyre likely led strips). because comic books are by nature procedural and deeply tied to narrative, it's unsatisfying when there’s no tension and no payoff.

HOW did we manage to get two stages that are blackpink covers with remote/tv static gimmick and durags? i know the slot machine of kpop tropes is not very big but surely the probability of hitting triple sevens on this one was pretty low. i’m pretty meh on both of these stages overall. skz was unsatisfying but i loved the choreo in the subway bit so that bumped it up a little ahead of ikon’s in my personal preferences, but i'm reserving my actual rankings for next week. assuming we get the other four stages next week and they dont do something stupid and only show two. which they very well might. i’ve stopped trying to understand why mnet does things the way that they do. 

as always the ask box is open, drop your comments/questions/personal opinions, i love to hear ‘em! but don’t be rude just because some of this is touchier subject material.

[neo-shitty]

toffee!

yeah same, i follow some fic accs that occaisionally post smut and its like mmmmm is the fluff writing enough to balance the posts that gives me finger burn trying to scroll past it? but yeah thats probably the way to go

ah i wasnt there for the teaser but i can imagine that was tantalising. lmaoo yes but to be fair i do have a writing acc called channiesbigheart so... balancing it out? but i absolutely am whipped beyond belief. it was a TRAVESTY how COULD they have. yeah the b sides gave him more lines but they werent the ones that were performed over and over at stages. yessss the line distribution in this album is impeccable, im pretty sure the thunderous stuff was some of their best distribution

hehe i can understand that, sometimes putting someone in a situation so horrible it would be considered a violation of human rights is theraputic, ya know? mmmm the differences are a bit nuts, it was 14 degrees today and in less than a week its going to be 32 or smth. BROOO that would be legendary, i bet theyd treat their artists rlly well and have great music as well ahhh but its a lot of work adn commitment. yES that is a mood if ever i heard one.

its the same in australia as well, sadly, you have people who hold up harry styles and lil nas x for breaking gender roles and wearing make up adn steryotypical womens clothing (and keep in mind i have infinite respect for both of them theyre honestly doing so much for the de-dehumanising of gay people and those who wear whatever they want), and calling the kpop boys gay and other things for doing the same thing, when theyve been doing it for years and gotten no recognition smh its so tragic. yes, anyway YES ONLY 6 MONTHS I AM FOR ALL INTENTS AND PURPOSES A BBY STAN altho i considered myself a fully fledged stay like 2 days after i got into them cos i just spent all day researching and fixating. YES someone said it. it feels like theyre losing a huge chunk of why a lot of people liked their music in teh first place, which was that whole dna, dope, fire mood. and even doing bright songs is fine, liek they should do what they want but i feel liek the western music industry is so fucking toxic that they feel pressured into making these decisions. dont get me wrong, theyre good decisions from a business perspective, theyre getting record breaking sales but still. mmm yeah honestly yg just needs to get its shit together or get out

oooh! not into nct but i see a lot of him, he seems rlly talented. ahh yes another channie ult lmaoo i feel that, my list is growing in leaps and bounds as well. mmm yeah i think i will, im just going to try to save enough money :) mingi appealed to me mostly for the voice (like felix smh what is it with me and deep voiced bois) but also his soft visuals and the whole cutesy thing he has going on i rlly liked. yes i did get into them while he was on hiatus, but im still mostly a casual stan, ill listen to the album when it comes out but i dont think ill obsessively look over everything to do with it, like skz. HAH WE'RE MORE SIMILAR THAN I THOUGHT. lmaooo the thot line describes them perfectly, why are they all so damn attractive. especially seonghwa, like that man looks like a character from a book, cardan greenbriar vibes anyone? mmhmm! his vocals are absolutely insane. ty! yeah im excited altho idk how theyre every going to beat border:carnival, that shit was impeccable. ahh no stress, enjoy teh groups you stan atm!

ahh thank you so much, ill keep that in mind. hehe thats good! hopefully its soon :( ah ty, it means a lot. ill think abt that and hopefully talk abt it a little more :)

ah, no it was inside our gymnasium but to get to the other side of the stage you had to exit the building, go around the back and then enter through the other stage door. ah tysm! im glad too. mmm same, they baffle me. ;n; noo so sad :( ahh, thats um not smth i put on here, but im in high school so make of that what you will :)

thank you! ive done a majority of them, i just have maths, an english presentation and an economic assignment due now so im pretty much home free. yeah i feel like hes the epitome of here for you while being inescapably far away. haha she sounds like one of my friends. lmaooo why is that me. hmmm i feel like youve answered a lot of them in that answer so maybe just ateez, enha, txt and bp? if you stan them? :)

ahhh no problem at all, proud of you for managing to overcome the procrastination! progress! mmm thats good! ahh pls do let me know if you ever decide that, i cant promise i wont cry but do what you gotta do :)

<3 w.a. 🐺

hi! sorry for the late reply, i didn't know how to construct sentences yesterday e.e

yeah sometimes it's the perfect balance! i personally don't like fics that focus mainly on the filth? the plot has to carry the whole fic somehow and the smut is just something to add to the mix. also, i'll follow you on your writing blog! i keep forgetting to do so, damn it.

"sometimes putting someone in a situation so horrible it would be considered a violation of human rights is theraputic, ya know?" putting it this way just silenced me but yes. angst just feels more realistic. it isn't always happy endings irl so i tend to do it a lot.

falling into skz is so easy! it felt like that for me too. stanning them felt like getting sucked into a blackhole. also yes i agree. kpop is nothing but an industry after all and it runs on money so i get why they do what they do as well.

i suggest we not talk about haechan because i will literally not shut up but yes my boy is an ace :( chan is also sooooo easy to love. and the chan's rooms just solidified his place as ult. having something to look forward to every week at a time when my mental health was just plummeting into the depths of tartarus just helped me be stable. oh yeah, mingi's deep voice is indeed sexc. and he has some wack ass duality as well! and i think seonghwa was one of the people i nearly considered as bias just because of his visuals because wow that's one beautiful face. and true, idk how enha's going to beat border:carnival. i don't like all the tracks simply bc of taste preferenceds but i like more than one so i consider that a lot already.

bro that gym should've had some sort of a covered walk :// also i miss being in high school sO DAMN MUCH. but i still feel like i am because time stopped when quarantine started and i was still in senior year at the time.

my ateez bias is wooyoung! it wasn't that much of a shocker to my kpop stan irls because i was a jimin stan for the longest time. enhypen is jake and they kept pointing out that he looked like seungmin sometimes so it's like chan's aussie-ness with a tinge of seungmin (the other guy in my skz bias line, in case i haven't mentioned it). txt is huening kai! i find it hard to believe that he's my age because he looks a lot younger? o.O and he always looks good damn :(( sigh for blackpink it's lisa! i tend to bias the maknaes of yg groups, it's a pattern i've noticed but don't intentionally do!

DON'T WASTE YOUR TEARS OMFG. you can always reach me elsewhere if i like disappear off this blog.

[reddogcollar]

thinking more if my funny little rewrite thoughts so like. here's an entire run down of what I'd do with season 1 of my pride

under the cut cuz its long and like. warning for like. everything that already happens in the series anyway

starting first! with the naming conventions. so the whole naming scheme is appropriation of indigenous culture. and I'm white so take this one with a grain of salt but replacing that mess with instead the mother naming the cub after a trait after getting to know em would. probably fix it? Like naming a cub Power or Tenacious and. stuff

the names could not only be personality based but just general descriptors. Quick for someone fast, Golden for someone blonde, Cherished for someone especially loved by their mother. Names could also be based off something they want the child to be, like Fearless or Perceptive. naming a child after something they don't start as, but turn out to be instead would make everyone to regard the mother as an especially good one for knowing her child so well. Being wrong would have the opposite effect. Waiting too long would bring scorn, implying you don't spend enough time with your child to think of any name at all.

Prideless lions wouldn't be named by their parents at all, instead given the right to name themselves based on what they think. This leaves room for them to rename themselves as grow and change, something pride lions cant do. Until the cub names themselves, the mother will refer to them with affectionate nickname.

and I think that. fixes that issue. onto plot

I think episode 1 is fine left alone, though all three children would be left unnamed. though I think its weird how quick managed to rip off the skin all around nothing's eye but didn't actually damage it. Like at all. so she's half blind now too.

So they go on lion trial, power saying quick is unfit because he was bested by a cub, so there's no way he could've beat star fairly. sharp calls forth the currently unnamed fire to ask his opinion as a supposed witness. even though I'm pretty sure he ran away before star died? eh <3

despite having the chance to get rid of quick, he says it was fair and quick has earned the pride. whether or not that's true, fire is a devout believer in pride law and a pride without a mane would be worse than a pride lead by a cheating mane.

because nothing and quick each half blinded each other, they go with the law of equivalent exchange. one each gets something from the other. nothing asks for her and her brother's lives to spared, and quick asks that she always takes as little resources as possible

instead of like. skipping 2 years. it would instead actually like. show the childhood. how nothing is ignored by her on mother, and doted on by fire. specifically because he think she's weak. despite doting on her, he also generally ignores her opinions.

even as a little wounded baby she gets the least food and water, enforced by quick and even fire sometimes, rules are rules. some of the unnamed adults will try to cheat this tho and get her more food and water cuz Holy Shit? Dude?

when she's a little older and not. covered in open wounds. the adults more or less stop trying to protect her. she's on her own now, and they have cubs of their own to worry about anyways.

since time is also a resource she gets the least of that too, most notably the least time being trained in anything. hunting, fighting, tracking, she's taught the absolute least.

despite that, she always tries.to do the absolute most. first to volunteer for anything she could theoretically do, last to get picked for any minorly important task. getting ridiculed for doing things slower due to her limp, to the point where she starts trying to just power through the pain to walk normally. it only slows her down and she gets mocked more. fire generally doesn't stand up for her, just makes her lay down

eventually she starts getting out a bit. The younger cubs mock her, their parents don't stop them, her mom never speaks to her unless its to antagonize her, and quick is downright terrifying. despite being healed up, fire never leaves her alone and disregards her when she wants to be alone.

this is how she meets hover, who is now named insightful. bc I just inexplicably cant stand the name Hover for a lion. she thinks she's insightful, but she's kind of just snarky and a little mean without saying anything w real depth, probably bc they're all prepubescent

despite being snarky and a little mean, she's a breath of fresh air to nothing cuz she's yk. not ableist and calls fire out when he starts acting ableist. its a short interaction, and when they're home fire immediately goes to tell his mom there's not only a prideless lion in their territory, but a cub, implying her mother and possibly siblings are around. cuz he's a little bitch

nothing gets into an argument with him over it, she could've been their friend after all, and both fire and her mom yell at her for even thinking about disobeying pride law

not sure what else to do here, so skip to when they're 2 and fires about to be kicked out. they're both still nameless, bringing a lot of bad opinions power's way. she's also required to name at least fire before he leaves. so she sits down, rolls her eyes, and half asses the name fire. quick is about to push him out but nothing interrupts, saying she still needs a name.

power gets annoyed and demands what she could even be named after, her injury? her disregard for the law? her ability to butt in at the most annoying times? nothing sputters, shocked and unable to come up with a response for a moment. before she can, she's named nothing

she protests, and even fire thinks that's a lot. they're both shut down, by power and quick respectively. most of the present adults are shocked, some of the older ones even appalled. none step in though. fire has to go, and nothing leaves toward the watering holes so she doesn't cry in front of her mom. all that stupid shit is internalized though so she starts trying again to support her full weight on her leg no matter how much it hurts. thinking maybe it broke and healed so wrong that it can barely support her now. idk I'm no doctor

she ends up laying down by the water, feeling all bad and in pain. then she notices the crocodile and some other lion and yada yada saves her life. insightful immediately recognizes her and that stops nothing from chasing her off. they catch up a little until they hear someone coming. insightful runs off and farleap, now called jumper comes out of the grass.

she questions nothing, she heard something and she can definitely smell a stranger. nothing lies and said she just chased off a prideless. jumper doesn't seem convinced, but doesn't push it because the stranger is gone, at least. so she just gets her drink and nothing goes home. and that's the day.

next day we can be introduced to feather, now named light. he's the runt of his litter, the lightest color of his siblings, and the light of my life. his name has nothing to do with the reincarnation stuff, which ill get into later. he gets teased for being smaller than his sisters, but keeps up an over energetic, happy mood that children have. he prefers hanging out with nothing though, seeing as she's not gonna be mean to him for being short.

he refuses to leave her alone to the point of finding out when nothing starts sneaking out to see insightful. their little dates go all nice and cute until light jumps out of the bushes scaring the life out of them. nothing freaks out a little because holy fuck? quick's son just found her out? oh god oh fuck! insightful is just amused though, because children are funny.

they make light swear to keep it a secret, and he promises. as long as nothing lets him go with her whenever he wants, because its fun breaking the rules and being out at night. it's a little less fun third wheeling on your cousin's date when you're like 7 but its fine cuz insightful plays with him

everyone thinks its pretty weird how both nothing and light are getting exhausted in the middle of the day, and jumper is still on that "I don't believe that you chased that prideless off" stuff, and eventually convinces power of increasing like patrol or whatever, and everyone keeps their guard up, making it harder for nothing and insightful to meet

this spurs nothing to ask insightful to join, to which insightful asks her to leave the prides and go with her. nothing says she doesn't want insightful to just have to take care of her and it goes back and forth and its a whole thing. it turns into an argument and they part ways for the night before it can escalate further.

the next morning, insightful has shown up and is asking to join. mostly so she can spend more time trying to convince nothing to leave the prides with her.

they get convinced and she is stripped of her name immediately. either quick or power will rename her when they come with something suitable. of course she is. upset as all hell. she swallows it though, since she's never seen nothing so happy. light is ecstatic, also, cuz he thinks she is cool.

go through some time showing insightful being worn down by pride life, nothing still continuing to practically destroy her body to make herself palatable, and light being downright bullied because he's still smaller than his everyone his age. quick even starts looking down on his son cuz Why Is He Still So Small? light begins to resent his father, and pride life a little.

jumper is rude as hell, naturally. except this time insightful actually stands up for nothing by cuz holy shit? that's your girlfriend why wouldn't you help her?

we can also implement the homophobia rule here. because of course power is a homophobe. would you expect anything less??

and yeah that's the vibe until nothing is left with some unnamed lion to look after the children while everyone else is off doing things that are important. she goes off for a drink and light follows her because of course he does. yadda yadda fire is back for a visit cuz he thinks nothing is like. useless and can't survive without him. their little visit goes down light thinks its so cool to meet a bunch of prideless men yk yk

on their way back they run into quick, who is followed by power and insightful. that unnamed lion with the other children said nothing and light had been gone for a long time and quick is pissed off cuz that's his only son n she just took him off for a jaunt.

he's yelling at her and insightful is about to interject before she's stopped by power, and light interrupts his dad to tell him about fire's group. cuz hey it'll make him leave them alone so like? go off??

nothing gets pissed off at him though because he just sent his murderous father off to kill her brother. rude or not he's still important to her. she and power have their interaction, power whining about how much she "loves" her children, you know. except nothing disowns her. power gets called out and yk yk. its a whole thing and gives nothing some of the agency she lost over the years

then she goes off to find quick, insightful follows her to help, and light follows them because he feels bad.

quick is dead, proud is a dick, light is hidden away in this scene. it goes much the same except light is seeing his father's corpse for himself and insightful is there negotiating their lives alongside nothing. also threatening proud

they yet away with their lives and run as far away as possible just in case he comes after light. nothing may be annoyed but letting your small cousin be murdered isn't cool

so they go off to find fire. its important to nothing cuz ykkk he's her last living sibling and as far as she's concerned, her remaining immediate family. he treats her how he does cuz he loves her, right? right. right?

nothing lives on the stretch how she lived in the prides, taking as little as possible of everything. insightful starts trying to get her to eat more before she like. drops dead. but its hard bc yk internalized self hatred is a vibe. they stay hot on fire's trail, until they come across some bones, a lot of blood, and the eaten remains of tangle. I'm making that plot point more fucked up.

everyone is of course freaked out, and insightful immediately takes it on herself to make sure nothing and light have some skill in fighting cuz Oh My God! they each play to their strengths, and it's like typical training montage. I like to think that with nothing's bad leg opponents would naturally try to take advantage of her balance, and which point she could rear up on her hind legs and then unexpectedly just crash down onto her opponent with her full weight. idk I've never seen a lion fight.

so yeah they eventually find fire and light and insightful are like. not trusting him at all, they suspect him. nothing isn't so hasty with the blame, cannibalism is a lot to accuse your brother of. fire says that if he takes over the nearest pride, he can change her name due to her time as a prideless lion.

as discussed, light objects. he thinks she should be able to choose her own name. pride or not. fire the devout follower of pride law didn't like that

they kill that old man, fire demands the pride, moonstrike (now striker) denies him and he's like. "You cant do that. That's illegal" and striker claims he couldn't have beaten her mate in fair combat after getting his ass kicked the first time. plus he's got some random child that isn't his

he takes that as "kill the kid" and yk. goes after light. nothing's reaction time is normal now though and barrels into him before he can rip lights throat out. he's still gravely wounded though, so much so that insightful is fully occupied trying to keep him alive.

nothing and fire square off, fire is ableist, nothing challenges him. You know. except this time she kills him. she gets him on his back and cuts him open, guts everywhere. no Ghost scene.

Injured and horrified, she lays down. she's like. going to have a breakdown. she just killed her brother, light may be dead, these strangers won't quit staring at her, its not good. episode end.

cut to like next morning and nothing's injuries are being taken care of at the same time as light's. insightful is in there with em talking with striker. noticing she's up, striker asks her name. I'm still not sure what I'd want her to change it to but she does change it. perhaps Enough?

idk idk either way, she doesn't get the pride. she beat fire but it wasn't his to give. however, striker offers them all a place there, including light. boom season 1 end

[savnofilter]

hey guys, i just wanted to speak up about something because i have been getting questions if i was well and stuff and im not really sure these days. mainly because i have become uncomfortable on this blog.

and i beg that people who dont like me, please do not spread things about me please or this because i thought i owe this to my followers.

the reason as to why i feel uncomfortable is because it really dawned upon me that being here doesnt make me happy anymore. and you could see in how flat my writing has become, or how my behavior often changes from happy to sad/low in a quick second.

and since after the summer, being on here has been almost terrible for me. like i use to have many friends, many people i talked to or felt like i created a bond with a lifetime, just kind of up and left me in the dust. while i finally took the time to focus on me for once, they used it against me, they got mad at me and its just hard to keep quiet about since it has always been my goal to talk about my feelings and now i dont think i can anymore, as to why im writing this to you guys tonight..

i will not get into depth (or specific) about it because i feel like the more i try to explain myself, the more twisted it becomes. and instead of helping me, it hurts me.

over the few months, i found when i was taking breaks to be happier. 

and its not the thought of you guys, it was more of like the lingering feeling of the way i was treated by people lingering on my blog. and im afraid if i feel like this still holds truth, i will be leaving this blog sooner or later.

in truth, i feel like ive been mistreated or even to the point where my feelings were so construed that it felt like i have been gaslighted over and over and over again. and honestly i am not as mentally or emotionally mature as many people on here, and some of them know that but it was never regarded.

im sad that this experience has come to this, because i really loved interacting, interacting with everyone and sharing my stories, but with the bad experiences on here has even turned my love/passion for writing down -- and even watching anime. i feel reminded every time i see certain blogs all over my feed, or like “hey im safe with these group of people” then they would pop up again. i felt like im some sort of villain or like an unintelligent-idiot who cant think for themselves. and while people who brainlessly follow those people can blindly hate me is fine, because i will never change who i am for anyone. ever. and i hate having to make posts like these because i feel bad for being so angsty and not being the sav that you guys know because while the brand “savnofilter” or “sav” is an extension of me, i sometimes feel so detached because of how shut out ive fell in this fandom for like 5 months now.

and i sincerely apologize to any new followers, i use to not be this down all the time but it really has been brought to my attention that the only social media that has heightened my anxiety, my depression, and even a part of illnesses i thought went away has resurfaced all because of what has happened associated to this blog.

whether it be being shut out and begging for help from the people i thought would be friends, or that i was kicked to the curve simply because i was not in the right state of mind and basically told me it was my fault for being that way.

and when it was fun, when i had friends it never felt like a chore for me on here. but as i lose support like that, it just hurts even though i have someone who stays beside me all the time. once you lose that, that, ground you start to compare yourself, like normal human nature i think. i started too look at my blog and be like “why arent i getting as much as before, what am i doing wrong, what is so bad about my stuff thats good with theres”. and part of the factor was that its odd, because it wasnt even a place of jealousy. it was one of, how did i fall to be so unimportant? so... immaterial. and it was like, each writer i fell out with, everyone just followed them and im left here trying my best to fill in their spots because i missed having that friend group, or friends with me. the only who really cared for me even with the biggest arguments and hoenstly it was because they were the only the one that cared for me. and i am not trying to cause discourse so please do not contact other people about this.

and as much as i stay at this point to irk the people who want me gone, i feel like the subtle unintentional (or intentional) bad vibes being brought to me is choking me up. and its doing well.

it just, it was so odd being treated like actual shit. like dog dooky shit. like if i was the poop on the sidewalk that you walk around and wonder who fucking took that massive shit, shit. and i was afraid to speak up about it because i was afraid of the backlash id get for having fucking feelings. 

from someone who went through some shit when i was younger, and built this barrier, to being repeatedly told over and over again that my feelings are invalid, to have people to tell me “i wont do that too you” and then do it to me just made me grow as a person. or die as a person. im not sure yet.

not only was it a mixture of people leaving me for shitty reasons, it was how stupid this fandom got. yeah, stupid. completely idiotic. of course there are people who sense-ful(?) and i love you a lot for it. but like ive said before, its unfair, there is no love like there use to be. people arent how they use to be. people put on a show, but once behind close doors its completely different. and if youre thinking of anyone in specific, youve got some shit to reevaluate. 

i was so scared to talk about it before because i was so scared at the backlash id get because i was so tired for being the hurt one and being called the bad guy. and im not blind to me being a bitch, but when i feel like ive done something im upfront about it. im rambling but this happens when i finally let my thoughts out.

and if ive been truthful, ive fallen out of my routine with meeting up with my therapist which may one of the reasons i let it run on this long without really getting a clear conscience. and like ive said before, i had thought it had to do with my life but honestly the only grief i get is being on here. 

to be honest, i have projects and requests i really want to complete before i even leave. so maybe its a while before i leave, maybe if it gets too much i’ll just go. i do not know. but 2020 is the year i finally want to take my own health over everyone else before i did before. and even with how hurt i am, i still hold so much love for these people. so much. but ive always been too loyal.

i am sorry for this sorrowful note, but i do not know how much longer i will stay. i love you all, have a blessed night.

[evalinkatrineberg]

Flower Crowns and Rhododendrons

A/N: This is the product of two awesome RPs with @itzelbm-oc and @safiya-schreave ! :D

My heart was racing, each breath a flame in my lungs as I propelled myself forward. The song blasting through my earbuds was just about to hit its climax as I made my way back to the palace. I couldn’t have more than 400 meters left to go at this point. I was so close. I just had to keep pushing.

I kept my head facing forward, my face loose and expressionless as I ran down the dirt path of the garden, careful to avoid the purple flowers that the bees seemed to favor. I had already had a bad experience brushing too close to the flowers once, and I was not trying to go for a repeat performance.

As I was side-eyeing the flowers, something else caught my eye. Just a little further up ahead, someone was lying on a bench. Odd. Normally I didn’t see anybody while I was out running. I was under the impression that most other people were asleep.

I slowed to a stop by the bench, the worst case scenario already flashing through my mind. If this person was seriously injured, or ill, we were in trouble. I barely knew CPR - I had learned the basics of it once in a health class in high school, but I hardly remembered that now. The only safety procedures I was really well versed in were in regards to what to do if you got a chemical in your eye, or what to do if something caught fire. I was no doctor.

I paused the music on my phone, peering over at the girl who was on the bench. “Hey, are you okay?”

The girl frowned and then sighed. “I was.”

I briefly contemplated just running off right then and there.

The girl continued, wincing briefly before going on. “I am. I didn’t mean to come off rude. You’re Evalin, right? I’m Itzel.” Ah yes, Itzel Bree Morales. As soon as she said the name, I recognized her. She extended her hand towards me, smiling and explaining, “I just tend to lay down on the benches and either look at the sky, or close my eyes to relax for a bit. And here I thought it wouldn’t look that bad.”

An odd way to pass time, in my opinion, but who was I to judge? I smiled back at her, extending my own hand and shaking hers. “It’s nice to meet you Itzel! Sorry for interrupting, I just wanted to make sure you hadn’t passed out, or something,” I explained, wincing a bit at the way I had completely misread the situation at hand.

Itzel didn’t seem to notice, however. She simply chuckled, nodding. “Guess I’ll have to be careful then. I think I’ll make a sign the next time and place it besides me when I do this again.” Well, that was one solution. She waved her hand through the air. “Ah, don’t worry too much about it. I was just wondering something and it’s my fault too. I knew one of these days someone was going to wonder if I was alive.”

Her explanation left me with more questions than answers, but I stayed quiet, watching as she twisted, grabbing ahold of a basket behind the bench that appeared to be filled with flowers. Catching my quizzical expression, she explained, “Don’t worry! I didn’t cut these flowers. I’ve been collecting them since I got here. These are the little ones that others either pluck or just naturally fall off. I usually lay down to think and I may have been a bit tired.”

I made a snap decision to suspend judgement for the time being. Itzel seemed like a kind person, and I didn’t want any of my personal opinions to ruin that for me. “Oh, those are some really pretty flowers!” I leaned over the basket, taking a closer look. Most of the flowers appeared to be marigolds or roses. “And if you ever want to talk about what’s on your mind, I’m happy to listen. I know what it’s like to get lost in your own head.” I let out a sympathetic laugh at that.

Itzel smiled and laughed along. “Well aren’t you a sweet one! Oh, I can agree. I think our head can be one of the darkest places to be in.” She patted the spot on the bench to her right, smiling up at me. “Have a little rest. I think I would like your company for a bit. Plus, I am here as well if you need someone to listen to you.”

“Thank you.” I would have loved to spill all my jumbled emotions at her feet right then and there, but I decided against it, figuring that that would not be a method for forming a strong foundation for a friendship. She didn’t need to hear about how confused my date with Arin had left me just yet. Instead, I took a seat, focusing on the flowers as I wrapped my headphones up around my phone. I should have really invested in airpods by now, but the fear that they would fall out of my ears while I was running held me back from doing so. I placed my phone in my lap.

“They are!” Itzel exclaimed, following my gaze to the flowers. “I was actually wondering what to do with them. I think flower crowns would work.”

“These flowers would be lovely for flower crowns,” I agreed, looking up at her, my brows furrowed. “Do you know how to make flower crowns?”

“I think we are going to get along just fine,” she replied with a wink. Then, grinning, she continued, “I happen to be an expert at making flower crowns. I’ve been making them for maybe four years now? I can teach you how to make them if you like.”

“I would love that!” I looked at the flowers again, wondering for a moment what I had just agreed to. I readjusted my position on the bench, angling myself to face Itzel. “Where do we begin?”

“Alright!” She hummed thoughtfully for a moment. “Pick out the color schemes first, unless you want to do it randomly.” She began to pick out some pink and orange flowers then by their stems, explaining and demonstrating simultaneously. “We start off with a pair and do it like a braid. You can do these with wires and it is much easier.”

Well, I certainly didn’t just so happen to have some wire on me. I pursed my lips. “Okay.” I picked up some small yellow flowers then - marigolds, I was pretty sure - and began braiding them together, glancing over at what Itzel was doing every few seconds to make sure I was using the correct technique. “How did you learn how to do this?”

“There you go,” she commended, looking at the flower crown that was beginning to form in my hands. “Oh, well, I think I was about eighteen or nineteen years old when I first started doing it, and it was all thanks to one of our neighbors.” She sighed then, a smile flashing across her face. “I had to beg her to teach me.”

“Was she a close friend of yours?” I returned her smile. “My best friend grew up in the house next door to mine. We used to spend almost all of our time together.”

She chuckled and answered, “I guess she was my friend.” She paused then, looking at me intently. It was almost unsettling, like her gaze could see into the very depths of my soul. “Used to? Are you no longer friends, or…” She trailed off before finishing her question.

“Oh.” I laughed a little. “No, we’re still friends! It’s just, I’m here, and, well, she’s still back home.” I shrugged, looking down at the flower crown in my hands again. I had been talking to June almost daily since my date with Arin, offloading almost all of my mixed emotions about it on to her. I might as well pay her for therapy sessions at this point. She really was a saint.

Itzel laughed again, though it sounded more forced this time. “Ah, okay, I was worried there. I couldn’t imagine why anyone wouldn’t want to be your friend. You seem to be sweet.” She inclined her head to the left, giving me a stare once again. “I see. Well, long distance relationships, of any kind, are pretty hard to maintain. It’s up to both parties to maintain communication. And even if you don't contact each other every day, if you’re able to just talk to each other randomly and nothing changes, then that is a great friend.” She placed her hand on my shoulder, the warmth of her touch like an anchor grounding me in the moment. “It’s normal to miss home, miss the people you left behind. No matter if you are here and she’s there, if your friendship is strong enough, then the distance doesn't seem bad. Especially with the technology we have today.”

I blushed at the first part of her comment. “Oh, thank you! You’re also very sweet!” Then, moving on to the latter portion of her response, I replied, “We’ve called each other a few times. It’s good to hear her voice. What about you? Do you miss your family, or friends?”

“No problem,” she replied, shaking her head and laughing. “You really are too sweet! Thanks for thinking I’m sweet, but to be honest, it depends on a person’s aura or vibe.” She wrinkled her nose then, adding, “I don’t know what it is, but it can be a but burdensome. I’m just glad you’re naturally kind.” She paused for a moment, before moving on to the second part of my comment. “Me? Of course I miss them. I miss my family. My friends at times, but mostly my family. I’m just glad to be able to call them every day.”

“It’s so refreshing to hear their voices, isn’t it?” I reiterated. “I mean, it’s so nice to be here, but…” I trailed off, shaking my head before looking at Itzel, lowering my voice slightly as I continued, “things couldn’t be further from normal here.”

“Definitely,” she agreed with a nod. Raising an eyebrow, she clicked her tongue and leaned in closer. “Ah, I know what you mean. I knew it wasn’t going to be normal the moment I turned in my application. I get it. The palace is beautiful! The rooms are spacious. The food is beyond delicious. And the beds are heaven! But our situation really is an odd one.”

I nodded. I couldn’t agree more. “What do you think of him - the prince, I mean?” I prayed she wouldn’t ask me the same question, though I was willing to bet she’d already know the answer before it even left my mouth. I didn’t know what to think of Arin at this point. A part of me wanted to hate him - he was infuriatingly rude, arrogant, and entitled, and yet at the end of our date, his kinder side had come to the light, and the way he had looked at me as he has walked me to my room had left the hairs on the back of my neck standing up, even when I just thought about it. I never wanted to see him again, and yet I wanted to find an excuse to see him soon at the same time.

How is he doing this?

“The prince?” Itzel hummed for a moment, tapping her foot. “I really don’t know what to think about him. He’s a bit of a mystery, in my opinion. I never really paid attention to the royal family or politics in general, so I’m at a disadvantage.” She chuckled as my mind drifted back to my conversation with Reggie in the library a few days ago. “I guess he’s polite. He does seem to like Angeles. It is his home, after all.” She shrugged, finishing with, “I don’t know what else to think about him. How about you? What do you think of him?”

Oh, God, where to begin?

“He was nice enough, during the interview. It’s not like thirty minutes reveals a lot about a person, though.” I shrugged and smiled apologetically, content to leave it at that. “I was never much into politics, either. I’m actually a biology student.”

She nodded, her eyes lighting up a bit. “Exactly. Thirty minutes is not enough to get to know someone. A biology student? I love all things science. What are you ultimately striving for?”

Itzel had just made it on to my list of my favorite people here. “I’d like to go into something related to cellular bio - ideally cancer research, though I worked in my genetics professor’s lab last semester, and she thinks my future career lies in something related to genetics.” As long as I leave the Selection right now and don’t look back, or give her classified government information. I shrugged. “Either way, I’d definitely like to be on the research side of things.” I furrowed my eyebrows then. “Are you a science student too, then?”

Her smile widened to lengths I had previously thought to be impossible. “Wow, cancer research! I know a professor who did just that. Her stories about her research fascinated me.” Can you put in a good word for me, Itzel? “You do what you want to do! At one point, I was interested in genetics. Punnet squares was honestly one of my favorite things to do when I was learning basic bio in high school. I considered it but -” she shrugged “- my heart and mind was set on one thing all my life. It’s complicated” Her eyes met mine again, and she added, “I do see you becoming successful on your research.”

That was right. Itzel Morales had been born a Seven, but she was a Three, now that she had been Selected. It shouldn’t be complicated anymore. I frowned. “Well, what’s your heart set on doing, then?”

“Well,” she began, finishing up her flower crown, “I know that I won’t have any problems now. I know what I want, and I’m a step closer. Neurology is a career that I have dreamt of having since I was a kid - neurosurgery, to be honest. I love the brain. The brain is, in my opinion, one of the most important organs.”

I felt my eyes grow wide before my face exploded into a grin. I couldn’t believe that I hadn’t talked to Itzel sooner. “That’s awesome! I’m sure you’d make a great neurosurgeon! You definitely seem to have a level of drive and compassion that would lead you to be successful!”

She laughed, replying, “Thanks! I really appreciate your words. It does seem like things are starting to look up for me.” She kept her eyes on her flower crown, grinning. “I think we will both become successful in the future.”

God, I hoped she was right.

She placed the flower crown she had been making on my head then. “You can have this.”

Recovering from my initial shock at the kind gesture, I smiled, and them placed my own flower crown on her head. “And you can have this one. Sorry it’s not as good as the one you made.” I withdrew my hands, holding my left elbow with my right hand. “I’m glad things are looking up for you. I think we’ll both be successful, too.”

Itzel waved her hand through the air. “Don’t apologize, Evalin! It really is great - especially if this is your first time!” She inclined her head again, sighing before saying, “I know we’ll both be successful.”

I smiled, and she reached over, embracing me in a side hug. “I’m available any time you need to talk,” she reiterated. “You can drop by my room, too.”

“Likewise,” I said, beginning to stand. “I should probably get back to my room, though, and shower. I’ll see you around soon, though!”

“I’ll probably have to head back to my own room soon as well.” She gestured to the garden, adding, “But being here calms me a bit. See you soon, Eva! I hope you don’t mind the nickname! I’ll hold you to it!” She pointed at me before giving me a quick wave.

I waved back once before turning around and jogging off. Wow, a new friend and a nickname, all in one morning.

After showering and dressing for the day, I decided to head back out to the gardens and take advantage of the nice weather. I half hoped Itzel would still be out there when I returned, but unfortunately, when I passed by the bench I had seen her on before, I found it empty. It was okay, though. There were other things I could do in the garden. Anything to distract myself from my thoughts would do at this point.

I slipped one strap of my backpack off of my shoulder, pulling out a small, leather notebook that I had brought with me from home, eyeing the flower in front of me. I had never seen it before, but its delicate petals were drawing my eye at the moment, for one reason or another. I grabbed a pencil as well and began to sketch.

It was then that I realized I was not alone.

Safiya was sitting on a bench behind me, to my left, typing on her phone. I had walked right by her without even noticing. How rude! I flushed, focusing all of my energy into not stammering as I said, “Oh, good afternoon, Princess Safiya!”

She looked up from her phone then, smiling politely as she replied, “Evalin. Nice to see you.”

“Likewise,” I responded with a smile. “How are you?”

At that, she locked her phone, setting it in her lap. I hoped I wasn’t interrupting anything important - that hadn’t been my intention, at all. It just felt disrespectful to walk by her without saying anything. “As well as can be,” she answered. “What about you?”

“I’m well, thank you! Thought I might come out to the gardens and sketch a bit,” I explained, holding up my worn leather notebook. “It’s been a while since I’ve done that.”

She inclined her head. “Are you a scenery artist then?”

I blushed, hoping she wasn’t expecting me to show off some of my masterpieces - I didn’t have any, not even anything close. “I’m not much an artist at all, if I’m being honest. I like drawing individual flowers sometimes. It’s something different to do, you know?” I shrugged a little. “What about you - what brings you out here today?”

Now I really hoped I hadn’t interrupted something important. Safiya however, just hummed at my explanation, then lifted up her phone, shaking it a bit. “Finished up a conversation.” She paused. Ah, I did interrupt her! Shoot! “Those ones are in perfect bloom right now, if you’re looking for a new subject,” she added, gesturing to a nearby bush.

“Ah, fun conversations, I see.” The words flowed out of my mouth, my mind incapable of stopping them. I gave her a smile, hoping I wasn’t making too much of a fool out of myself, before following the direction of her gesture towards the bush. “Oh, okay, thank you! Those are rhododendrons, right?”

“They are,” she answered, smiling as she raised an eyebrow. “You know your flowers, then?”

“A bit,” I answered truthfully. “I was really into flowers as a kid. When I got bored on snow days, I used to make lists of flowers I wanted to plant.” I laughed at the memory of me sitting at the family computer, browsing lists of plants that probably wouldn’t even grow in the Carolina climate. “That feels like so long ago, now, though. Honestly, the drawings in this notebook are more orgo molecules than flowers at this point.”

Ah, yes. I wouldn’t complain about Safiya’s brother in her presence, so I had naturally reverted to my other personality trait - science. Smooth, Evalin.

Luckily for me, she didn’t question it, chuckling as she responded, “That happens to me more often than I’ll admit. School has quite the hold.”

I nodded, realizing that she probably understood this side of me more than most of the other people in this palace. “It really does. I’m still getting emails from professors even now.” With a laugh, I continued, “It’ll be worth it in the end, though.” At least, I hoped so. I couldn’t help but wonder if she felt the same. I inclined my head, pausing for a moment before I decided to go for it. “You’re in medical school, right? What made you choose that, if you don’t mind my asking?”

“An exceedingly strong and nagging desire to help people,” she answered instantly with a small smile, before amending, “beyond my current position.”

I couldn’t stop myself from smiling back. “That’s extremely admirable.” I paused briefly, wondering if it was acceptable for me to open up a little to her. It wasn’t as if science was going to jeopardize my standing in the Selection, was it? Would she see it as pandering, or trying to gain her favor, though? I hesitated, but then admitted, “I was aiming to go into the research side of medicine, to do what I could to make a difference for the better in some people’s lives.”

That must have caught her attention, because she raised an eyebrow and asked, “Any specific field?”

“Cancer research,” I answered, thinking back to my conversation with Itzel that morning. I wished she were here for this. “At the cellular level. That was always my goal. It affects so many people, everywhere.” I sighed. I sounded like such a naive idealist, didn’t I? “I mean, I’m not foolish enough to believe that I’d one day single-handedly cure cancer, but I’d like to contribute to the effort, even if only a little bit.”

“You may not single-handedly, but your efforts would be just as valued.” She lifted a shoulder, adding, “Don’t sell yourself too short yet. There’s plenty to offer the world.”

I beamed. Was this happening? “Thank you! Honestly, who knows? Being here has made me realize that there’s so much more to the world than I thought there was, and for that, I’m grateful.”

If I was sent home soon, I’d have that much to take with me, at least. I wondered briefly if Arin had told her how our date had gone. I hoped he hadn’t. Having to live with the memory was mortifying enough. The thought of the story spreading around the castle like wildfire was enough to make me want to curl up in my room and never leave.

Safiya nodded once. “A good a start as any. This life tends to put many things in perspective.” The corner of her mouth twitched, an almost sympathetic half smile flickering across her face.

I nodded along. “It sure does.”

“Are you enjoying your time so far?”

You mean besides the date with your brother?

I forced a smile onto my face, refusing to complain. “Yes. Everyone I’ve met has been nice - friendly, even, for the most part - and the palace itself has anything anyone could ask for. It’s just very different, sometimes. Like, I never thought my family was anything but well off, and yet sometimes I look around here, and am astounded by just the sheer amount of wealth in the palace alone.” Was that offensive? I frowned. “Not that that’s necessarily a bad thing, but it definitely took some getting used to.”

“It can be a bad thing,” she acknowledged. “Wealth is disproportional and I won’t hesitate to confirm that. Though I can understand the adjustment.”

I blinked once, nodding. “Yeah, that’s definitely something I’ve noticed.” My frown deepened, and I added, “It’s not as if anyone can help what they’re born into, though.”

“No,” she agreed. “They can simply help what they do afterwards.”

I found myself nodding again as she stood up, straightening her blouse. “Exactly. Is that where some of your desire to help others stems from?” I bit my lip then, my next few words coming out in a bit of a rush. “You don’t have to answer that, if you don’t want to! Sorry!”

“It’s a valid question.” With a polite smile, she paused, considering it for a moment before answering, “Mostly, at least. Among other reasons.”

“That makes sense.” I flashed her a grin. “I think it says a lot, too, that you care that much about others. It’ll make you a good doctor, for sure.”

“Well, that’s very kind. And I’m sure with hard work, you’ll excel in your field as well.” She clasped her hands in front of her.

Reading her body language, I flashed her another smile. “Thank you. I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to hold you up, if you have places to be!”

“Oh, no, it’s alright!” She reassured me, her smile a little more sincere than it had been previously. “A couple meetings to attend with my mother is all. No rush! I hope the flowers serve you well.”

“Thank you.” I mirrored her smile. “I hope the meetings go well!”

She gave me a small wave, saying, “See you soon, I’m sure,” before turning and walking away.

See you soon? Did that mean that Arin wasn’t going to send me home? Even after our disaster of a date? The possibility left me almost dumbfounded. What kind of game was this? I stared at the flowers in front of me as questions exploded like fireworks in my mind, coloring the walls of my brain in hues of red, green, and blue. I knew one thing in that moment, and that was that the only way that this would likely never make sense. Why? It shouldn’t be this complicated. Love was an issue of pheromones, of chemical attraction. If Arin didn’t feel that - and it certainly seemed like he didn’t - he should send me home. Not that I wanted to be sent home, but it only made sense that he would do that. Yet, here I was, in the gardens of the palace, staring at the rhododendrons, one word echoing in my thoughts louder than the rest.

Why?

[jimlingss]

pt.2 of yesterday

I don’t want to flood people’s dashes, so hopefully answering your messages here will suffice!

anonymous asked: Hi! I wanted to tell you how much I love your work and how you make me enjoy every Monday thanks to your regular updates ! I saw a previous anon telling you how your writings lacks of emotion and I totally disagree with them... obviously everybody won’t like it but your stories just DON’T lack of love or emotion this is madness I want to thank you for publishing your amazing stories freely here for everyone to read. (Sorry if my English is weird I’m french ejfjekfjd)

“this is madness” LOL

You’re hilarious, anon. And your english is perfectly fine!!!

anonymous asked: Hello! Im the culinary student anon who sent you an ask a while ago and i saw you received an ask about the lack of emotion from your stories. I read kitchen romance and i actually really really like it and don’t quite understand how it lacks in emotions as I interpreted the stories more like the beginning of the oc and jin’s love story and they are only starting to open up to each other so i guess thats why anon might feel like it lacks romantic vibe from both of the characters. (1)

Anonymous said: Just want to tell you that you’re one of the best writer and ive been following you for 2/3 years now, you never failed to amaze me with your writings!! All your stories are so well written that i sometimes wonder how do you come up with such an amazing plot every single time and your stories are always nice to re-read and the effort you pour into creating your stories is also admirable (2)

while i was reading kitchen romance and ive only started s&c (currently on chapter 4) i can say that its pretty similar with how it is irl (and the part where we find out jk is an iu fans reminded me of my ex-crush whose also a culinary student, i would like to tell you a story about it but ill just waste your time lol) , just want to send you a few encouragement and love for you and your writings *sending virtual hugs* (3) -👩🏻‍🍳anon

You’re too kind, thank you (and also, welcome back!). I’ll be frank, there was a hot second I was considering taking down Kitchen Romance but I didn’t cause I don’t want my efforts of editing it to go to waste asdfghjkl. I can’t believe you’ve been sticking around me for so long :’) it’s always nice to know some folks stay. Anyway, I’m glad that Sugar and Coffee is pretty similar to how it works irl since I tried my best to do research. I definitely love a good storytime as well so don’t worry about wasting my time :>

Anonymous said: a good majority of your fics display an unfathomable amount of DEPTH. regarding character development. plot. even the shortest lines of dialogue reveal so much more to the character and unveil their true emotions. i personally think the more REALISTIC side of love may be perceived as 'bland.' ‘emotionless.’ whatever you want to call it. nothing’s wrong with portraying a relationship that isn’t overboard with a whole lot of tooth aching fluff or lowkey annoying pda. +1

Anonymous said: there’s nothing wrong with taking out a bit of emotion to fit the PERSONALITIES of the characters. some people out there don’t necessarily feel a lot of emotions. so it’s honestly not really a mistake if a story lacks it (unless it was unintentional). subtlety is an art that is hard to master, but you’ve done it! and to respond to the anon, sometimes, if you skim through a fic without reading every word the author intended for you to read, +2

Anonymous said: then it’s quite common to not feel the full extent of the emotions you were supposed to feel. just a thought but no hate. we’re all entitled to our opinions. but besides that, kina, you write on a vast scale ranging from hardcore angst to diabetes-inducing fluff. and you do it beautifully. sure there are some stories that are better than others, but i believe a LOT of it comes down to personal preference and taste. +3

Anonymous said: even if you are feeling creatively limited, you work hard to continue writing for your readers, and your determination and diligence wILL NOT GO UNNOTICED. i just want you to know that you write amazingly. your syntax is practically immaculate, your characters feel real… the endings of your stories always wrap something up and the strings are tied—even if it isn’t necessarily a happy ending. you can convey hundreds of different characters through WORDS. +4

Anonymous said: i’ll have you know that it’s hard to write. it’s even harder to write about people who aren’t YOU. so as someone who looks up to you a lot, i want to commend you for your writing. some of your fics that i read on a monthly basis: tears of a villain, a piece of the moonlight, head over heels to hell, ghost in the machine, a mark of betrayal, a kiss of poison, until yesterday, the truth between us and arcadia. +5

Anonymous said: to be fair, there were way more fics but i didn’t want to make this message any longer than it already is LOL. i find these pieces wonderful. heart wrenching. and SO DAMN EMOTIONAL IT PLAGUES MY MIND FOR DAYS. also you’re literally one of the few fucking people who can use the em dash correctly. thank you so much for sharing your talent with us! +6

Oh my goodness. I don’t even know what to say, anon. This is a whole damn thesis and it’s about my fics :’> You know, it’s easy to brush off fanfiction as a ‘whatever’ thing and indeed, it isn’t that big of a deal compared to some things in the world. But I really do take all my stories seriously and put forth a lot of effort - so to see it recognized and appreciated it makes me beyond happy. It’s good to know that my efforts haven’t gone to waste at all and that there are people out there who will support me no matter the endeavours I take. Thank you so much. You don’t know how much this means to me.

((Also, honestly I picked up the em dash usage after I wrote The Truth Between Us with gukyi who used it. I’m pretty sure I’m not using it right but to hear that I am, god damn that’s a breath of relief right there))

backtobleuside submitted: Are you kidding me!? Your stories don’t lack love at all. They’re the kind of fics that you read, soak it all in and then come back for more. I’ve cried so much when I read Beyond reach, Boo-lieve in me, A piece of the moonlight, His name, Tell me lies etc. etc, and also laughed and felt the emotions of not just the OC, but also the other characters. Kitchen Romance was also so fluffy and sweet and personally, I don’t think that anything needs to be added to it. Anyway, your fics do not lack emotion—you’re probably the first author I send a message to because your stories impacted me a lot and left a strong impression on me. I even imagine your characters as real people who have real lives that continue on even after the story is done.

asdfghjkl thank you :’) I see you every week and sometimes several times at that. I really appreciate your consistent feedback and following. You never fail to send me a message too which I appreciate a lot. I’m glad you’re enjoying everything I’m producing!!

youngfleurever said: Would just like to say that your fics do in fact make me violently sob to the boy where my eyes are so swollen I have trouble opening them the next day and I wake up feeling like there’s sawdust in my mouth because I’m dehydrated.

oh my god. please keep yourself hydrated hahahahhaha more importantly, how do you know what sawdust in your mouth is like. WHAT have you been doing LOL

Anonymous said: I’ve felt emotions that I’ve never felt before when I read your fics.... so as a person that has read your entire masterlist, I DO NOT think that your fics lack emotion.... I hope you don’t feel disheartened because you’re one of my favourite writers, not just on tumblr but like, evER 💓💓💓💓💓💓

Please, even if I was disheartened, the overwhelming amount of feedback and praise has completely overridden it :’)

joonie-mono said: when tumblr deletes the first part of your ask 🙄😌✌️

LOOOOOOOL

haylo4ever said: Sorry had to add my 10 cents. You're such a talented writer,,, I WISH I could write a smol smol 1/1000000000 that you write,,, like I remember when I followed you bc I was in awe of your writing.... I mean?? Sure maybe not every fic hits it with someone but it's just ridic to name drop (a friend nonetheless) when you're all extremely talented writers.

Trust me, writing comes with practice!! I should honestly just tattoo that on me. God knows my first fanfic was absolutely GARBAGE. I didn’t know pacing, didn’t know that I should separate chunks of paragraphs, how to write dialogue or describe scenes properly. I went in blind. Even my second, third and fourth fanfic was garbage. You could definitely get to “my level” or even far surpass it with enough dedication and practice. I mean I’ve been writing for four years, so thank GOD there’s been improvement. I wouldn’t be natural if there wasn’t. But clearly the more you practice, the better you improve! That applies to anything.

The me in ten years will certainly be better now.

Anonymous said: Hi kina! I’m here in support of kitchen romance! I actually didn’t feel like it was missing a ton of fluffy moments (and I say that as a huGE LOVER OF FLUFF) but the story was just as entertaining in the whole chase of them getting closer to each other! It’s honestly one of my favorite one shots I’ve read lately and I’m not saying that lightly! Also, that anon that said your work lacks emotion has probably not read like half of your masterlist bc oO MAN QUEEN OF MAKING ME CRY- black heart anon🖤

Thank you :’]

Anonymous said: Ok I’m very offended wow the audacity!Specially coming for my baby kitchen romance like that story made me feel so much and it’s only one of the many fics you have written kina like I’m literally baffled like dynasty has made me cry scream happy and hot all at the same time and I was literally just thinking about it that whole weekend and this anon has the nerve to say your stories lack emotions?When you are literally the queen of show casing all types of emotions in your stories!You did it all

Anonymous said: Also 😭😭😭😂😂😩hoooooooow and whereeee did they see any lack of love and emotions like have you read jungle park???? Inside my mind??? FREAKING SUGAR AND COFFEE (like this fic is made with love and I- ) Actually you know what , just read the whole masterlist😩😩💗💗💗

LOL tbh I didn’t expect Dynasty to receive the love it has. I was actually kind of wary when posting it cause it’s kind of Wild. 

bangtans-peaceful-piegon said: just gotta say u handled that whole anon thing so well which not only makes me admire u as a writer but even more as a person :] (i mean i knew u were gr8 before the whole deal but yeah love ya 💛)

tbh, I’m not sure how well I handled it cause I was flooded with over 30 messages afterwards (evidently) ;_; which I love and appreciate but I’m not really as hurt as some people think hahaha criticism should be received well but it’s still hard not to take personally tbh. It’s gonna have to be something I work on or perhaps it’ll be one of those things that I’ll take better with age.

[blackreesemajic]

Social Distancing with a New Flame

         ✨💕 You just met a new boo and just when the vibes started flowing boom* 💥 💥 the world shuts down and quarantine is turned on. The honeymoon phase should be the time you and your person are going on dates, boo’d up in public, holding hands, and sucking each other's face every second of the day.  😘😘😘

Your mind is filled with a plethora of in-person activities y’all can be doing during this time to make the butterflies in your stomach flutter like they just popped a perk.

If your situation is anything like mine, You may feel like your coochie was just put on 90-day probation without your consent. Thank you to the reviews of Steve Harvey’s, “Act like a Lady, Think like a man.” And his toxic masculinity perpetuated in his book,  I would have read it and MAYBE had been better prepared for THIS situation. 

Remember, although times are hard right now it’s not always about sex! Your peach  ���� may be yearning for that eggplant  🍆 but 30-90 days is not. that. long... of a wait to be intimate with someone. 

You could be like one of those people who wait until marriage…

No shade, but I am not one of those people.  

I’m the, “Bring that ass here boi!” type of people. 

The CDC recommends that we “Stay Calm” during this time quarantine.

 It sounds unrealistic to me.  😒

 How can we stay calm when our sexual desires are all over the place. 

There are three things we are ALL doing during this time if we are not daydreaming about the outside land. 

We spend all day bouncing that ass from Insta to Facebook, Twitter to Tumblr then back to Insta again…

 Log on to our ex’s Netflix account and be entertained by the white Trashery of Tiger King and then see the same trashery in the White House to remind us the world has gone straight to SHITS... 

Lastly, switching to Private mode on our phones and visiting pornhub.com or xvideos.com to see who is offering the best free subscription. 

 Trust me, I’m right there with you! 

 Just because social distancing is in effect does not mean you have to distance your heart. 

Let’s use this time to get to know each other on a personal level. 

Isolation could be causing your energies to yearn for one another louder than ever. You may even have a heightened craving of intimacy during this time. This time in quarantine can be beneficial to your dating life if you consider yourself someone who is, “Shy or Introverted” or are attracted to people who are. Many people with introverted personalities would prefer getting to know each other over the phone or on a virtual date. This is the time to bring back genuine connections, open and honest conversations, and my ALL TIME FAVORITE… Falling asleep on the phone. 

[[Pieces of Reese: If he in quarantine at “his crib” but can only talk to you during certain hours or when he steps outside… He in quarantine with someone else, sis. LET HIM GO! ]]   🔑 😒

Here are some tips to keep the flame lit, tea hot, and coffee dripping down your lips. So that when you and your new boo do get back together the connection is stronger than ever!

1.     Self Healing and Reflecting: I know. I know. You were so excited because you feel like you could have finally met your “PERSON”. And now, You can’t even see them in-person. Your mind starts to ponder so many “What the fucking Ifs!” “What if they get bored with me?” “What if they lose interest?” “What if they have multiple quarantine boo’s”  “What if they catch corona and die?!!!” I know it sounds fucking crazy but its a real fucking fear.  You must remember that FEAR stands for False Evidence Appearing Real!

I NEED YOU TO IMMEDIATELY; Reset your mind and Refocus yourself. 

Now is the time you must remind yourself that “YOU ARE THAT BITCH!” Use this time to get to know you. Get healthy Physically, Mentally, and Emotionally... If being in a relationship/ situationship is what you desire at the end of all of this. Use the time to make yourself WHOLE. Thou can’t pick up broken glass without cutting the hand that is trying to put the pieces back together.  

[[ “We don’t fear being alone. We fear getting to know the parts of ourselves we didn’t know before.” - Pieces of Reese ]]

 Pick up a pen and paper and write: Write a letter to yourself. Write in your diary. Write to your person. Write your feelings. Write yourself daily affirmations and post them on your bathroom mirror so that you see them every day. Get connected with the feelings behind your everyday thoughts.

Set a routine; Whatever the routine looks like to you, set it! There is no amount of work you need to force yourself to meet society’s sense of productivity. The routine is only in place to keep your body prepared for what the universe has to offer you once this is all done.

2.       Virtual Dates: It seems crazy but having a virtual date can be romantic and is also cost-efficient. If you or your partner want to be extravagant you can rotate turns ordering the other person a meal (Be sure to leave your delivery person a decent tip for working through these hard times). You can both go into your own kitchens and cook each other your favorite meal. Make something you will want your person to try when you are in one space. Try describing the taste of the meal, who taught you how to make it, and why it is your favorite. Adding wine or alcohol loosens things up and being alone could make you more comfortable with being yourself on the date. A great website to get the conversation going: www.goalcast.com/2018/04/19/deep-questions-to-ask-your-partner/amp/ 

3.   Share what you see: If you are a lover of music, videos, Memes, or GIFs, Do NOT be afraid to share it with your person. With everything that is happening in the world currently, Now is the perfect time to make someone smile and laugh. Remember that MENTAL HEALTH is real! For people who suffer from Mental Health Illness, forced isolation calls for undesired thoughts of not being wanted. Show your person they are the first person you thought of when you have seen or heard something. Make them feel like, you couldn’t wait to send it to them. Let them know they are not alone during this time. You are their person   

4. If you are adventurous: Video or Phone sex has never got anyone left on READ. It actually gets you a callback.

 It's safe, sexy, and Kinky AS FUCK! Call your friends who love BDSM to teach you a thing or two. Virtual sex allows you to push the boundaries between you and your partner. It makes each person excited for what's to come when you are in one space. 

You can set the mood for your virtual hook up by lighting candles, having your space neat, camera angles must be on point,  and start off with a striptease to get the eggplant ripe and keep the peach juicy. 

Playing a ”If I miss, I Strip. If you miss, You strip.” [if you know, you know ❤️ + 🏀 ] type of game may relax you and your partner. Of course, Make it specific to you and yours. Don’t forget to have your #BlackReeseMajic music playlist ready. If you don’t have a music playlist visit my apple music/ Spotify to follow any of mine  

5.    Lastly, Optional, and specific for my Spiritual Souls who believe in the power of Manifestation: ✨💕✨💕✨💕

[You do not have to have a person already to do this step. If you are someone hoping to find your quarantine boo or keep the one you have then this is for you]

 Step One: is to start by writing out everything you want in your person. Qualities, Attributes, Values, and Looks (if you believe in detail). Remember to write out how you want to be treated by your person. If you want to go the extra step. You can write what ‘You’ will be able to offer to your person. Once you have produced the person you desire in the concrete sense,

 Step Two: is to call on your spirits guides, ancestors, and higher power to bring forth your ask. Some things you may need to connect with the spiritual realm but are not required are 1.Pink Candle (Pink candles personify the purest form of love, a love without selfishness with selfless emotions, are ideal for the beginning of a relationship), 2. Herbs or Essential oils [if you have] have a centuries-long history of symbolizing love and devotion (Lavender, Rose, Basil, Calendula...etc). 3. Sage: “Sage is known to have healing properties and with the power of intention and spiritual connection with the source of all existence, the burning of Sage assists with healing and clearing.” 4. Offering: Clean and freshwater is the simplest form of offering. You can also offer coins, jewelry, fruits, anything appealing to the spirits. 5. Bell or anything that makes noise (can be your voice) 

And Step Three: Have a table or space specific for intentions or manifestation. With a clear mind, body, and soul begin my thanking creation for all that you already have. I like to place my “person desires” list under my pink candle. I sprinkle my herbs around and inside my candle. I  use a couple of drops of my essential oils for fragrance (Spirits love good smelling things). I make my spiritual space as pretty as possible (Glitter is enticing to spirits and crystals deepens the vibrations). I give the offering (usually freshwater, money, or coins). I chant (Chanting is specific to you. If you need help with a chant I usually say, “All praises to the most high. God, Spirits, Creation, and Ancestors, I thank you for everything you have done and everything you continue to do. I offer you my purest self and this alter to bring forth my ask…”  I burn my sage (smell, clarity, and guidance to myself and spirits), and finally, I light my pink love candle.

 I let my candle burn for a whole day or I light it every day for a few hours then blow it out.   

I hope this tea has filled your soul the way writing it has filled mine. Stay at home if you can and stay safe during this time. 

If you are someone who lost a loved one from complications of COVID19, I pray for healing and peace over your life. I am sending EACH and every one of you Light and Love from the depths of my soul. 

Spread Light and Love Every day! ✨💕

PEACE & Be The.      

    Sincerely, Pieces of Reese

Sources: 

https://www.miracleswithinus.com/the-spiritual-side-of-sage.html

https://dontmesswithmama.com/essential-oils-for-romance-love/

https://www.thespruce.com/herb-meanings-in-love-and-romance-1761964

https://www.sisterlove.org/post/keeping-it-safe-and-sexy-covid19

[specsnsarcasm]

My Review of... ‘Passengers’

I finally got around to seeing the movie Passengers (2016) and umm… what the hecking heck was that?!?!

[Warning: SPOILERS AHEAD!]

CASTING PROBLEMS:

First of all, I know it’s supposed to be everybody’s cinematic wet dream, putting Jennifer Lawrence and Chris Pratt together (the way people wanted to see what the offspring of the two so-called “most beautiful people in the world” - Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt - would look like). It was the people’s experiment! Put these two “likeable”, “relatable”, “funny”, good-looking people together, and watch the movie magic unfold! So riddle me this: why put these two in a sci-fi drama of all things, when a simple rom-com would have sufficed!?

Second, I don’t think these two had much chemistry. Sure, they don’t do anything empirically wrong (save a little overacting here and there), but I just didn’t believe them as a couple. I was very aware that I was watching two people acting the way you think two people should when they’re in love. You can practically see the weight of everyone’s expectations on their shoulders. Be sexy! Be charming! Be perfect! I wondered if they had any fun making this movie at all!

I also found something very odd about this pairing. Maybe it’s the age difference (25, at the time, to his 36)? I find that Lawrence tends to play too mature for her real age, playing a lot of late-20′s or 30-something characters. She has lots of time for that, but I guess she’s highly bankable right now and can physically play a wide range? Hollywood is not kind to women. They cast a 25 year old as a 35 year old, and a 35 year old as dust (but that’s another story). Or maybe it’s the imbalance of star power? She is arguably the bigger star. Either way, something was off. 

I maintain that Pratt’s best work is as a comedic actor. I know he’s trying to branch out or whatever, but I just don’t buy him as a “leading man”. Not in an all-out, dramatic role. Not yet, anyway. He was good in Guardians of the Galaxy (2014) as the wise-cracking, cocksure rebel. And in Jurassic World (2015) as a more rugged, wise-cracking, cocksure rebel. And in The Magnificent Seven (2016) as an EVEN MORE rugged, wise-cracking, cocksure rebel. He just didn’t quite fit the bill here for me. Although he plays it straight, he kept making me laugh unintentionally (that’s the problem with getting typecast). Especially with three, count em’, one, two, THREE gratuitous butt shots. (We get it!!! BUTTS!). Anyway, dozens of other, half-decent “name” actors could have done a perfectly serviceable job in this role, so by casting Pratt, you’re asking for something that only Pratt can do well. Let him do his thing if that’s why you like him so much!

CHARACTER/STORY PROBLEMS:

Right away, the movie has parallels to the extremely hard-to-top The Martian (2015). But this film has neither the charm, humour, or the gravitas. I found myself comparing Jim to Mark Watney. Both are stranded and alone, both have technical skills. However, unlike Jim, Mark has the mental fortitude NOT to crack almost immediately under pressure. Not that I judge Jim, but the emotional progression in The Martian seems more steady and realistic than in this, which dealt with its characters' emotional journeys very superficially. I didn’t feel that the movie did a good enough job of tapping into Jim’s early despair, psychology, or the agoraphobia of space. At one point when things start to go wrong with the ship, Lawrence’s character says that she was trapped in her room for days. Show me, don’t tell me! That would have been interesting to see! Just as it would have been interesting to see (not just glean) how Jim and Aurora live out the remainder of their years. I thought the movie would eventually get to it. They don’t. Superficiality was a running theme.   

Another one of the film’s downfalls is the lack of curiosity about its own premise: the science fiction of it all! I wondered about their training on Earth beforehand, and why Jim doesn’t scan through the other bios to find a doctor, biologist, or another engineer - someone with whom he can work the problem! I want so badly for Jim to “science the shit” out of something, as Watney does. Instead, he opts for the company of the aptly named (if not a little on-the-nose) sleeping beauty, Aurora; a writer, who isn’t very helpful in that regard. For such a futuristic premise, the story is disappointingly regressive. (i.e. a love interest with nothing to offer but being pretty? Okay). 

The two of them experience no real sense of existential wonder/dread, curiosity about the ship, about the technology, about space. It's all restaurants and fucking on cafeteria tables! They might as well have been at an Earth resort! At one point, they are literally standing up close to a Red Giant, but they look at it for all of two seconds before they’re like “OK cool. Welp! Let’s go have sex now!” This isn’t so much a science fiction movie as it is a 'bottle' drama, that happens to be set on a space ship. The location is completely secondary, and the beautiful visuals of space and the ship are just convenient backdrops to the “will they or won’t they?” romance. *Sigh*.

One of the most interesting parts of the story, I found, which they don't even discuss, is the nebulous “Homestead Corporation”. It manufactures faulty pods, and even in the future on other planets, it treats passengers by class. I wonder what sort of civilization they hope to create on a new planet by doing this. Is this the reality that people have accepted in the future? Is there any opposition to this? By whom? They mention other colonies: what do they look like? How do they function politically? Do other countries or competing companies possess these technologies too? Is it completely private, non-governmental or governmental? If so, do countries own planets, or is it just corporations? They could make a whole movie out of this! (Copyright: Specsnsarcasm, 2017. haha)! In essence, it’s similar to the Weyland Corporation in Alien (1979) & Prometheus (2012).

MAJOR PROBLEMS

Arthur and its whole vibe. I was instantly creeped out by Arthur the android (played by the delightful Martin Sheen). It operates a bar that is decorated in 70′s decor that is reminiscent of The Shining (1980). The reason for this retro aesthetic is kind of confusing and jarring on such a futuristic vessel (but sure!). But it also primed me to think that, like the bartender in The Shining, there was something amiss about Arthur. It befriends (as much as an android can) Jim first, then Aurora. Early on, Jim entrusts it not to divulge his terrible secret to Aurora. A promise which Arthur makes, yet readily betrays. But why would Arthur tell her? It’s an android, it has no moral imperative to divulge the truth. Nor does it have any reason to show loyalty to Aurora over Jim or betray an expressed request. This tricked me into thinking there was an Alien/Prometheus situation going on with Arthur, in that it was secretly behind some of the mischief that was going on aboard the ship. But OF COURSE that turned out to be a red herring (because that would be TOO interesting). The reason for Arthur’s slip is NEVER explained, nor is it ever addressed. Jim isn’t even mad! He doesn’t even find it strange that he was outed by the machine, and they literally never mention it again. WTF?  

Laurence Fishburne is utterly wasted in this film! Practically blink-and-you’ll-miss-him (rude)! He only wakes up so that the two protagonist can have a mind-boggling, deus ex machina way of saving themselves with his security clearance bracelet thingie. And why was his pod the only faulty pod to cause terminal illness? (THAT'S RACIST! Jk. lol). Shouldn’t Jim have also had some health problems, though less severe? (Sometimes I wonder why Larry and Sam Jackson put up with this shit, but ANYway...👀). Also embarrassingly wasted in his role is Andy Garcia there at the end. Poor, poor Andy. Such disrespect! He grew that great big beautiful bushy beard for nothing! lol.

Also, why is there only ONE medical pod on a ship with 5000 ppl and 258 crew? That ratio seems dangerously low and irresponsible to me, even if they were only intended to survive on the ship out of suspension for 4 months before reaching the planet.

CONCLUSION

In the end, I’m not upset because this was a romance posing as sci-fi film. I would have loved to see a good sci-fi OR a good romance movie. Unfortunately, this rather middling on both fronts. It had boundless potential, and I guess I just expected more. With the quality of TV shows these days (as well as the price of a movie), you’re going to have to do a lot more than toss two good looking people on screen with some candy coloured effects to get people interested.  

I suspect this film started out as an entirely different movie than the one we ended up with (judging from the big name actors in almost cameo roles). Perhaps it had more of a sci-fi story, but it was changed to feature the love story more heavily?

On the pairing: as much as the internet likes to get its way and see the fruits of its fan pairings come to life on screen, I think this is a cautionary tale about how real life sometimes falls short of our imagination (see: the Veronica Mars movie). It’s also yet another cautionary tale for Hollywood about why they need to re-evaluate their strategy of big budget SFX movies with paltry scripts. The ability to develop interesting, in-depth characters is why cable television and streaming services are eclipsing movies, who routinely struggle to meet box-office expectations. 

[Note: These are just my opinions. I’m not a professional critic, I just like to watch movies and write about them!].

[abigail-mcnatt-photography]

You’ll Never See The Bigger Picture If You’re Standing That Close by Atlantic Wasteland

There are plenty of perks to being a fan of local bands. From the ridiculously cheap merch, to becoming close friends with the band, to being able to get into shows (for me as a photographer). Those perks also included the opportunity to listen to a full-length album in advance and getting the chance to review it from front to back. Atlantic Wasteland’s frontman, Sam Quatrini, asked if I was interested in getting the album in advance and writing a review, to which I of course said yes. This is definitely something I’ve never done before but am extremely excited to dive right into.

If you follow my blog and my other forms of social media, you may know that my boyfriend has his own movie review blog, under the alias Oberrated. Being that we are both such avid local music fans, with my foot deep into the world of music and his analytical mind for reviewing movies, I thought it would be a great idea for us to team up for this review. So without further ado, let’s dive into the new Atlantic Wasteland album, You’ll Never See The Bigger Picture If You’re Standing That Close.

1.But If You Take a Step Back

https://open.spotify.com/track/5mkJh2D1Hu347chBqAwbke?si=VeTki_qpQb2J3DZzf6Krgw

A haunting introduction to the album. As a whole, we can both see the band playing this song as an introduction to a show, adding a suspenseful feel to the start.

2. Paradox

https://open.spotify.com/track/4lMc2L3GfrrtBeNaQjGrcN?si=ECgRB-DuRBOAYQ0NY4jZdg

The first full length track on the album. It mixes melody and energy with heavy and relatable lyrics.

Abby: This song definitely plays off of Atlantic Wasteland’s familiar sound. Current fans of the band will specifically like it for that reason. It is also one of the many songs that will speak to many, being as relatable as it is. I really like the line, “I’m learning how to cope with what I feel”, mainly because I’m sure many of us have had moments in our lifetime where we struggled to figure out how we were supposed to feel, instead of just focusing on how we do feel. We’re just stuck in this constant battle.

Chris: Ausinette’s (Rodriguez, Aus for short; lead vocals, hype woman) first intro to the song is incredible. She counters the heavy tone of the lyrics with melody. The joining of Sam and Aus creates a battle between two parties or even a person versus their own mind.

3. Don’t Call Me Your Bud

https://open.spotify.com/track/4xyeyUsoqlAwq5gCcOHURI?si=RXq0l5FPT3q2j6xhHS5WkA

Track 3 is a punk heavy pop/punk song, seemingly about betrayal, with intense lyrics and lots of lyric screaming. Oh, and a cool Johnny Cash-esque bridge.

Abby: Well, if you enjoy songs with some screaming in them, this one is for you, lol. Although I’m not the biggest fan, I don’t find it to be all that distracting like I normally would. To me, it feels like a classic revenge song. Lines like, “I hope the weight you carry never loses weight” and “now you’re deep/ you’re deep in this mess you’ve made/ and now you’ll sleep/ you’ll sleep alone in an empty bed,” really hold their weight. It’s a reminder that someone really screwed up and there are no chances left for them. They are cut off. I know I personally can relate, on my own level, to the premise of the song. We’ve all had our share betrayal, and I feel this track really portrays that feeling extremely well. From the screaming to the cutthroat lyrics, it is an intense way of expressing the feeling of this betrayal.

Chris: Starts off with a frantic pace, which carries throughout the song. Quickly met with an angst-filled Sam, seemingly yelling at the thought of an old friend or an individual. To me, it seems as if this song comes from the perspective of one side of a former friendship. Aus and Sam join to sing about their ill feelings about the other party. The energy of this song is simply infectious.

4. Unfamiliar Home

https://open.spotify.com/track/13Qt3p0azCitDoPOxvFdAB?si=KCnxhP9SQTGDGnqg5tneRw

The next track is one of three pre-released singles. A song about a home that may have never truly been a home that has a sick lead in to the next song on the album.

Abby: I don’t really have much of an in-depth analysis on this song. Maybe it’s because I have heard it at least a million times, since it was one of the three singles released. It has less of Sam screaming in it, but that doesn’t keep the passion from seeping through every lyric. If I’m being honest, I’m having trouble pinpointing what I feel the song is about, but I’m sure it’ll be different for different people. From what I’m gathering, it makes me think about our life’s journey, whether we know exactly where we are going or not. One of the lines that really stuck out to me was “it was the people around me that made me feel alive”. It’s definitely a song that isn’t as obvious with its deeper meaning. I guess that’s what makes it fun, though. I also love that it transitions right into the next tune without even skipping a beat.

Chris: When I think Atlantic Wasteland, I think of songs that sound exactly like this. As always, a high energy track that blends emo vibes and lyrics from the perspective of someone wishing for different outcomes.

It’s strange, but when I listen to this song, I can envision a music video of something like “Perfect” by Simple Plan, with Aus and Sam screaming the lyrics of “Unfamiliar Home” alone in their bedrooms, plastered with pop punk and punk rock band posters, with the occasional Taylor Swift cutout.

5. It’s Rude to Point Fingers (And With Nails That Sharp, I’ll Be Missing an Eye)

https://open.spotify.com/track/18hxvxwbyScqLml0nVTdWg?si=5KZBsPr3QE-ZHYhAevNbyA

This song is an edgy and emo track with an overwhelmingly powerful meaning behind it. It was released with Unfamiliar Home as the third and final single prior to the album’s release.

Abby: Really long song title, haha. This was also another one of the singles released in advance of the album. Of course, it is the heavier single, but it’s got a strong tone to it. It seems to be from the perspective of someone who was abused, in some way, in one of their relationships (significant other, friend, family, etc.). The victim in this case is finally putting their foot down to this person and not letting their fear of them get to them anymore. This person has mistreated them for far too long. Lines such as, “I refuse to be a body bag”, “the condescending words you spoke, they echo through my mind with every note/ I understand that I’m the enemy/ I’ll have those scars for eternity”, and “if I spoke my mind, you’d say I was wrong”, are some of the real kickers for me. This is a very strong song, and it’s definitely one of my favorites. From the absolutely crazy guitar and drums, to Aus’ melody, Sam’s passionate screams at the end, and the resilient vibe the lyrics bring, make it an all around great song.

Chris: From the title, it seems to be about someone who doesn’t pay any mind to the things they say and do, causing damage to everyone they connect with. The main person affected, is the one in which the lyrics are spoken for. The guitar is unreal here. It matches the vibes and the energy of the song, just to lead into one final screaming hook.

6. Acquaintance

https://open.spotify.com/track/7IDNMmImKYw7C4SaRbvp0T?si=RgaFOEGzQeypzf_BayEp4w

Track 6 is a song about losing touch with a friend/family member, in which the melancholic tone is captured within the lyrics and the consistent beat.

Abby: When it comes to new albums, I’m always interested in what the slower songs are gonna be about and how they’ll sound. When it comes to heavier genres, such as pop/punk, the slower/sad songs are still a little more upbeat as far as the music goes. Acquaintance is a song about fading friends. I think my favorite line is “… and I blame this all on journey”, because it’s very true. Most friendships fade because of individual journeys taking us in separate directions. It’s about those moments when we reminisce about the ‘good old days’ and wanting to reconnect. It’s a relatable and powerful song and I really feel like the background music (drums, guitar, bass, etc.) just add more to the solemn vibe of the song. If you ever had a close friend in which you two just lost touch, you will really feel every single lyric of this song.

Chris: This is easily the one song that struck the hardest chord for me. Personally, it reminded me of friends lost, even to the point where a couple tears came from my eyes. Acquaintance, I feel, will be one of the most relatable songs to listeners in multiple ways. Whether it be a former friend, loved one, family member, etc.

7. Whether You Think You Can or Can’t, You’re Right

https://open.spotify.com/track/7uNDw5hCG2wmXVTIfFfDx3?si=5TFyZSJfRPqsYKaNpc1AIw

The next track is a BOP. From the inspiring and eye-opening lyrics, to the foot tapping beat, it’s an all around lighthearted tune that will make you want to get up and dance.

Abby: Here we change gears a bit from the last song, and get a little more upbeat. Atlantic Wasteland is one of those bands that has songs that never say the title in the song. But they actually say it in this song, which caught me by surprise. Aside from the singles, this song is one of my favorites. It talks about believing in yourself and that if you surround yourself with negativity, that’s all you’ll ever see. On the contrary, if you surround yourself with nothing but positivity, you’ll start to see a lot more of it. It’s a very inspiring tune and it’s got an upbeat and fun sound to it. The guitar is fantastic, as always, and the drums (especially at the beginning) will make you want to tap your foot along with them. It would be a great song live, for many reasons, specifically because of the echo in the bridge. It’s a great song to keep the audience engaged.

Chris: Entertainment wise, this is probably my favorite song off the album. The pacing, the energy, the lyrics. It’s just overall a fun yet pop/punk, edgy, F you kind of vibe. Beyond my enjoyment of the song, the title and the lyrics are quite unique. To me, it’s all about mindset. “Whether you think you can or you can’t, you’re right”. You are exactly what you think. If you set your mind for failure, well you’ll fail. If you think you can, you will. Don’t let the fun of this song distract you, it is hella important.

8. It’s Mid-July, Take Off The Beanie

https://open.spotify.com/track/5brIqAYP4kMF8PO64NYTpM?si=rQgobuzpSIOQqvfysRjiFg

Track 8 was the first single released from the album. It’s a super funky and fun song that you won’t be able to sit still while listening to.

Abby: Heck yes, probably my favorite song off of the album. I knew it was going to be as soon as I first heard it live. It’s super funky and the beat is just so damn catchy. For real, it’s an ear worm. I’ve heard the origin story a good number of times since I see the band live so often. It’s fairly obvious, but it’s basically about a person who is a player, and the words are being spoken from the perspective of a friend of the person being flirted with. I can’t say enough how much I love this song. It’s got a very different sound than the entire rest of the album, and differs from the typical sound you’d expect from Atlantic Wasteland. They are just putting their toes in the water of the pop world but speaking as someone who has loved pop music her whole life, they do it justice. This would be a great radio single too… although I’d rather it not be overplayed, like every song on the radio is, lol.

Chris: The very first track released as a single. Easily the most fun and differently styled song from Atlantic Wasteland. I remember having a conversation with Aus and Sam about a song that was “way more funkier than what we’re used to”. I first heard this song at Four Chord Music Festival and I was INSTANTLY hooked. After the performance, I remember talking to the duo and told them that as soon as I heard the rhythm of the song I went “OOOOOOOOOOOOO SHIT!”. That type of energy stills stands today every time the song hits my Spotify. Get down with you funky selves, Atlantic Wasteland.

P.S. F dudes who wear beanies mid July.

9. A Dog Named Fletcher

https://open.spotify.com/track/2SqUavFkcpnddrJL3Uqdfy?si=5SYcKXbrQ96iyDi1EyS9Bw

For the next track, we slow things down with a sad song from the perspective of a scared dog. Have tissues nearby.

Abby: So I have mixed emotions with this song. On one end, it’s a genius song idea. It’s written in the perspective of a dog at the veterinarian that doesn’t know what the heck is going on. And on the other end, IT’S SO SAD. If you’re anything like me, you hate watching dogs/animals die in movies (I live for doesthedogdie.com). If you are, worry not! The dog LIVES. Sam’s idea for the song came from a friend whose dog ate a towel (or a sock.. he’s changed the story) and had to get it removed. The bridge gets me every time. Aside from the lyrics, I freaking love everything else about the song. I’d only ever heard the song acoustic and it just works. It’s the only song on the album recorded with acoustics. Sam and Aus’ vocals really shine in this song. Aus has a note at the end of the bridge that is just captivating. (If you listen closely, you can hear Sam scream something like “oh yeah!”)Fair warning, if you have any kind of a heart, you will need tissues at your side. Can’t stress that enough.

Chris: Listened to this song many times acoustically and live. Always been emotional and great to listen to. For some reason, despite listening to it so many times, hearing the studio version still struck a nerve in me and ignited my tear ducts. This song will have you running to your doggo, cat, bird, alligator, etc. and cuddling up to them telling them how much you love them. Alternatively, this song is such a unique perspective to envision. From the eyes and mind of a pet in the vet hospital. Heart-breaking, man.

10. Thin-Skinned

https://open.spotify.com/track/1JOR0HNcMIUoE5OmluFueZ?si=XLN3O-6MSW64dY1y5t5Zhg

For the next track, we pick up the pace again. With lyrics and music that embody what it’s like to be human and have feelings, and vocals that are just powerful, we have another important message portrayed through song.

Abby: Once you’ve wiped your eyes, you can recover by enjoying the next track on the list. It seems to be a song about embracing our humanity and allowing ourselves to just scream. We can only handle so much and bottle things up, claiming that we have thick skin and can handle it, when in reality, it does affect us and our, “skin isn’t quite as rough as I’d proclaim”. I do think this is a great song, incorporating their newfound sound, as well as their ‘old’ sound.

Chris: Of all the tracks on the album, I feel as if this may be my least favorite. I can’t exactly put my finger on why, and this is also not saying that I dislike it cause I do like the energy and sound but it just sounds very similar to basically any other song within this genre. I didn’t find much to dig deeper into. Just simply a high energy song to jam to.

11. The Corpse Bride & Flat Stanley

https://open.spotify.com/track/1gGCdvCOBIZDSkNh2avEzU?si=XLV4E2v5QdCSRzFK5bBBTQ

Our second to last song on the album, is another banger. The title is… interesting. But it’s written from a personal experience. It’s a mix of classic pop/punk and the band’s ‘newfound’ funky/pop sound.

Abby: This song, to me, feels like a song about celebration. It feels like a song meant for a significant other, or a friend, promising to be by their side and to love them unconditionally. We all have our baggage, and some of our pasts are worse than others. But the people we keep in our lives that make us better people, are more important than anything we’ve dealt with in the past. If I remember correctly, Sam wrote this song about someone who flirted with his fiancé and he compared the person’s appearance to a character called Flat Stanley. Where the Corpse Bride came from, you’d have to ask Sam, hahaha. It seems like a song celebrating love of all kinds, I think. The sound still feels like an Atlantic Wasteland type sound, but, like the last song, it incorporates more of what I like to call, their newfound sound. It’s a great song to help close out the album. It also sounds great when played live. After all the emotions this album has made us feel, it’s a nice way to celebrate the life we live.

Chris: The last two songs are evident to hit close to home for Sam. He explained at a live show that this one was inspired by personal experience and that carries a long way to me as a listener. As always, not only is it an enjoyable song audibly and lyrically, but also as an interesting story.

12. …You Just Might See It

https://open.spotify.com/track/5EdvAaOMAl7y9XOfOU0mBd?si=j14uf6CwQQWYW9VgJn7V0A

Track 12 is our closer to the album. It’s essentially a mix of all of the different sounds AW explored throughout the course of the album. It seems to take all of the feelings we felt and ties them up in a pretty bow.

Abby: Here we have our finale to the album. First off, this song would make a great closer to a live show.. or before the encore. To me, it feels like a song of hope. Written from a semi-religious standpoint, the song shows us that we cannot get so caught up in all of the problems and obstacles life throws at us, which is all too easy to do. It’s our reminder to look at ourselves from an outside perspective and see all of the wonderful things we get to experience in our own individual adventures. It really drives the album title home, by literally finishing the statement about perspective. Fantastic way to wrap up the album.

Chris: …You Just Might See It is an exceptional song on multiple fronts. 1. It is a beautiful reflection of Sam and company and the point they have gotten to thus far in life. To be thankful and to see the bigger picture in all things. 2. It is a near perfect wrap-up of an album about perspective. Throughout the whole album, we’re taken on a journey of multiple perspectives and different stories that tie to them. With this, we come to the finale and, once again, a way to look at the bigger picture in life and appreciate it and be thankful. 3. Track 1 vs. Track 12. Us, as an audience, are given an album by artists and we listen from beginning to end or shuffled. Analyzing, listening, and enjoying each song, but do we actually pay attention? Take a step back, take everything in, look at the bigger picture from all angles, and You.Just.Might.See.It.

The album as a whole:

Abby: Just… wow. This album was incredible. I expected nothing but the best from Atlantic Wasteland, and yet they exceeded my wildest expectations. The music was a wide variety of different sounds from their pop/punk roots, to adding a bit of funky pop to the mix, down to acoustic pop/punk, as well as a mixture of it all. It was an emotional roller coaster. It will make you want to scream at the top of your lungs, it’ll make you want to cry, it’ll make you smile, and it’ll inspire you. It’s an album all about perspective. Each song is written in a different perspective, from someone who has dealt with abuse, to the loss of a friendship, to a scared doggy, it’s a vast mix of everything and it’s quite genius if you ask me. I’ve never listened so in depth to an album from the beginning to the end and this one was certainly an experience. This album made me feel like I was watching a movie. From the introduction to the band at the beginning, with their traditional pop/punk roots, with songs such as, Paradox, and Unfamiliar Home. To the middle of the album, where we see all of the different problems and changes come into play. Here we have songs such as It’s Mid-July, Fletcher, and Whether You Think You Can Or Can’t. These are songs in which I noticed a major change in sound versus the songs I’ve heard from them before, which I love. And lastly, we have the “happy” ending if you will. The ending is a revelation, of sorts. It reminds us not to sweat the little things and to focus more on the bigger picture as well as the things that make us happy. Our last two songs, Thin-Skinned and …You Just Might See It give us inspiration. They gave me hope. If you haven’t already, look at the album title. Then, check out the title of track 1. And finally, the title of track 12… mind blown 🤯 I don’t have anything bad to say about this album. It took me places, mentally, that I didn’t even realize I knew. It scared me, even, to think about some of the ideas these songs covered. It was an incredible piece of art that I’m so happy I had the chance to experience. To my friends in Atlantic Wasteland, I’m so proud of you and so proud of this album. Great work. I can’t wait to see what’s in store for you next. I also can’t wait to see the live shows that follow the album, and which songs will be played. Bravo.

Chris: Arguably one of my favorite albums released among my favorite local artists. I will be jamming to “You’ll Never See the Bigger Picture If You’re Standing That Close” for the remainder of the year and on. If you want to jam out and go off, this album is the proper one for you. If you want to sit at the bottom of your bath tub and pretend like you’re not crying and that it’s just the water from the shower head, listen to these tracks. If you want to be taken on a journey through different perspectives from different walks of life, this is undoubtedly the album for you.

___

If you read through all of this, thank you! I put blood, sweat, and tears, into this review and hope it, at the very least, got you to go listen to the album, in full, on your own. Legit though, I lost the last part of this post because it didn’t autosave and had to completely redo it, lol. Below are some photoshoot photos I did of the band that I never shared. Thank you!

REVIEW: “You’ll Never See The Bigger Picture If You’re Standing That Close” by Atlantic Wasteland You'll Never See The Bigger Picture If You're Standing That Close by Atlantic Wasteland There are plenty of perks to being a fan of local bands.

[khukei]

[BTS - Wings] Album Review

4 months late because I got busy with life but hey better late than never right? A mini album can be dissected in a day because there’s only 7 songs max, but in Wings we have 15 tracks to chew and digest. And that is my excuse. 

ANYWAY

So my friend (who is the culprit behind my conversion to KPOP), talked me into joining this nationwide bulk ordering movement for BTS’ Wings album. 

Wings is my very first physical Kpop album and honestly, I still feel a mild pang of guilt because I wanted to get SHINee’s 1 of 1 first since they were my first love in KPOP  but Wings came in the mail first so okay.  Forgive me, SHINee! 

 Now I understand why physical  KPOP albums sell so much despite the dominance of digital downloads. I mean wow. HD pictures, posters, photo cards and other merch. I also noticed that the CDs are just casually tucked in a page like it’s just an afterthought. The albums are also quite cheap. You’re basically just paying for the photo book. But I do use the CD because I like me some high quality audio. 

 So here are my thoughts on each track:  1.Intro: Boy Meets Evil  There are some interesting vocal effects/EQing going on here. Also the lyrics are really poetic. This is btw what got me into BTS in the first place, they sing about relevant issues and matters that young adults could really relate to.  Memorable line:   I threw my future away because I was drunk on dating

2.Blood Sweat & Tears

Ah, the title track. What else could I say? This is a masterpiece. The production is amazing. This was everyone’s jam in the last quarter of 2016. And V’s incredibly deep voice, wow. I like how they’re using the Spanish mode and incorporating trap hi hat things into the mix. Everyone’s using trap hi hat these days but this is the first time I’ve heard it used in a song with a Spanish beat and chord progression. It’s strange to me, but it works! 

Memorable line:  I wanna be addicted to your prison So I can’t serve anyone that’s not you Even though I know, I drink the poisonous Holy Grail 3.Begin (Jungkook solo)

The harmonization in this song is amazing. Kudos to the vocal arranger. And the lyrics are so meaningful and sweet. Jungkook’s singing is on point too, but that goes without saying.  Memorable line:  I feel like I’m going to die when hyung is sad When hyung is in pain, it hurts more than when I’m in pain 

  4.Lie (Jimin solo)

Blood Sweat and Tears is a music production treat, but in my opinion, Lie takes the prize in production quality. I like the incorporation of some Spanish elements in this album, it’s not a parody nor an imitation and it’s  really well done. Also, before I checked the lyrics I thought he was saying Karina Lie. The real line is caught in a lie. I have a friend named Karina so lol #MisheardLyrics

Memorable line:  Find the me that was innocent I can’t free myself from this lie Give me back my laughter

5.Stigma (V solo)

I’m going to mention again how much I am a fan of V’s deep voice. We take a sharp turn from a Spanish-y song to a more familiar RnB vibe on this one. And oh man, V’s high note genuinely surprised me The lyrics are once again very meaningful and vulnerable. This is really what sets BTS apart from other groups. Relevance. Relatableness. Authenticity. *applauds*

Memorable line: Deeper, deeper, the wound just gets deeper Like pieces of broken glass that I can’t reverse Deeper, it’s just the heart that hurts every day (You) who was punished in my stead, You who were only delicate and fragile 6.First Love (Suga solo) This one is a slow and mellow rap song. Well actually, if you ask me I’d call this a Spoken Word piece. It’s already very poetic just reading the English translation, how much more in its pure, unadulterated form. I really like how Suga’s voice is EQ’d here also. The overall vibe of this song reminds me of Kingdom hearts. I don’t know why.  I find it hard to jive with Suga’s rap flow in this song, but that’s probably just due to the language barrier. 

Memorable line: Even though I was gone for a long time Without repulsion You accepted me Without you there’s nothing After the dawn, two of us We welcomed the morning together Don’t let go of my hand forever, I won’t let go of you again either 7.Reflection (Rap Monster solo)

Here is one sad/creepy sounding song. The synth parts remind me for some reason of Creepshow. You know, Stephen King’s horror anthology films in the 80′s. The instrumental part after the first verse could really pass off as Creepshow’s soundtrack. The slow pulsing delays adds even more to the melancholy yet creepy vibe of this song. Mentioning Creepshow probably ruined the moment, but I can’t help it! But yeah, this song is really-- how many times did I say meaningful already?!

Memorable line:  In the darkness, people look happier than the day

8.MAMA (J-Hope solo) This is my favorite track in the whole album simply because it’s upbeat and more cheerful compared to the other darker, more somber songs in the earlier parts of this album. I’m biased towards happy songs. The general vibe of this track reminds me of happy go lucky rap songs in the 90s and that’s because of the bass line. The short and subtle choir parts near the end was also a nice touch.  

Memorable line:  You were like fertilizer to a budding plant Now I’m a flower, I’ll be your flower path 9.Awake (Jin solo)

From upbeat hip hop we then transition to a sentimental orchestra fusion song. Because BTS is cool like that. This is my second favorite song. There is real tension and release going on here that will really take you up on a ride. Or maybe that’s just me. The melodic hooks really stick with you and touch your heart. The bridge is the best part here. 

Memorable line: Maybe I, I can’t touch the sky Still, I want to stretch my hand out I want to run, just a bit more 10.Lost This song starts off with with the familiar Spanish vibe with the acoustic guitar and RnB chords but then when we get to the chorus it suddenly changes to this very loud, in your face Dubstep phrase that for some reason, works! 

Memorable line:  I didn’t know there were this many Paths I can’t go and paths I can’t take I never felt this way before Am I becoming an adult?

11.BTS Cypher Pt. 4  

A very angsty song about the struggles of being an idol. This type of sound isn’t really my cup of tea. But the lyrics make up for it. 

Memorable line:  I’m sorry bae because I’m breathing I’m sorry bae because I’m so healthy 

12.Am I Wrong 

I’m not a fan of country music. And this song is kind of like a fusion. And even though it’s not completely country the main riff is annoying to me. Hill Billies suddenly come to mind. But as usual the lyrics is the redeeming factor so I still appreciate this song. 

Memorable line:  If what you see on the news is nothing to you If that comment is nothing to you If that hatred is nothing to you You’re not normal, you’re abnormal 

13.21st Century Girls 

Yey for women empowerment!! And here we go again with the Spanish beat!  Did BTS go to Spain or something? Anyway, this song is too loud and aggressive for me. It does have its moments, but I wouldn’t put this on any of my playlists because I’m an old soul who prefers smooth grooves. 

Memorable line:  If anyone keeps insulting you (insulting you) Tell em you’re my lady, go tell them (tell them) Whatever other people say, whatever this world tells you You’re the best to me just the way you are

14.Two! Three!   

I thought this was going to be another one with the melancholy feel but I’m glad I was proven wrong when the beat picked up after the intro. Thank you!  This is like the cool down part of your cardio exercise as it is more toned down and less aggressive. Oh and the choir parts near the end are heavenly!! 

Memorable line:  Me, a shadow behind the stage, me, in the depth of darkness I didn’t want to show everything including my pain But because I’m still unaccustomed I just wanted to make you smile I wanted to do good 

  15.Interlude: Wings   I was not expecting an upbeat party/club kind of song. But somehow it makes sense. After your cool down exercise you go straight to the club to end the day. I’m not the partying type, but that’s just the vibe I’m getting from this song. It’s makes sense as the closing song. 

Memorable line: I trust myself, Since the reason why my back hurts Is so that wings can sprout 

 Final thoughts: 

I’ve already mentioned this, but what the heck, I’ll say it again! What I really like about BTS is the authenticity in their lyrics. I may not always like their music, but the words always get to me. It takes a great amount of courage for young men to be openly vulnerable, and that, for me, is very endearing.  The general theme of this album are: Depression, confusion, loss of innocence, young love, the yearning to return to happier times, mental illness... aka struggles of being an adolescent. Aka growing up. 

Speaking of mental illness, I noticed that the ordering of the tracks have a kind of bipolar feel to it due to the sudden and contrasting mood transitions of each song. Without studying the lyrics the track order might not make sense to the listener, but it all comes together nicely when you look at the lyrics. I saw what you did there, BTS. Very clever. Kudos to you all. 

For me what makes BTS very appealing to a lot of people is that they talk about very human experiences in their songs that everybody can relate to (especially adolescents). While a lot of other groups send you off to to dreamland with their perfection, BTS brings you down to earth with the harsh realities of our time and compel you to think about how you’re living your life. And that, is what I think sets them apart. 

Rating: 8/10

[vidovicart]

Changing My Tune: How I Learned to Love L.A.

Posted: 11/29/18 | November 29th, 2018

Maybe it was the traffic. Maybe the smog. Maybe it was the apparent vanity of everyone I met. Or the hippie-dippie way of life (I’ve seen people pick meals by using a crystals). I know it was definitely in part the lack of public transportation.

While I could never really put my finger on it, there was just something about Los Angeles that just always rubbed me the wrong way.

I’d go to see friends or attend conferences and, while I enjoyed that fun, I hated the city itself.

Whenever I had to go visit, I’d just think to myself “Ugh, another trip to L.A.!”

I just never got the city.

After each visit, I always felt that if I never returned, I wouldn’t be missing anything.

Heck, I even wrote a blog post about my disdain for LA!

And then one day while I was ivisitng, I woke up and I really liked — nay, LOVED — Los Angeles.

I don’t know when it happened.

I can’t pinpoint one precise moment or event.

After all, my routine in LA has always been the same: see a few attractions, eat and drink lots, catch up with friends, maybe head to the beach, some work at WeWork, and host a meet-up.

But, one day, I just woke up, looked around, and said, “Ya know, I really like it here. I think I’ll extend my stay a bit longer.”

The more I visited, the more interesting places I discovered or was taken to, the more offbeat sights I saw, and the more I got to know the city. I learned its history. I learned how to get around, when to brave the traffic and when not to. I found markets and hole-in-the-wall taquerias and noodle shops. I had too many martinis at the historic Musso & Frank’s.

And then, when I was there last week, it hit me.

I realized I hated LA for the same reason I originally hated Bangkok.

And now love LA for the same reasons I fell in love with Bangkok.

Los Angeles isn’t built for tourists.

Yes, tourists go there. Yes, there are a lot of touristy things to do there.

But it’s not like Hong Kong, Paris, Buenos Aires, London, Sydney, or other places where you can go down a long list of attractions, drink in the culture, get around easily, and get a feel for the city in a short period of time.

No, the sprawling nature of Los Angeles, the traffic and cost of getting around, the lack of a city center, and the transient nature of its inhabitants makes it a bad “tourist” city.

To get to know Los Angeles, you have to live there. Just like Bangkok.

Like Bangkok, L.A. is requires you to stay awhile. It’s an onion with layers you need to peel back over time.

L.A. is found in the restaurants, markets, ethnic enclaves, offbeat bars, and coffee shops. It is found on hiking trails and beaches. In art and music shows.

It’s found in the vibe and the people, not in the sights.

I began to love Bangkok when I got know it beyond the temples and the tourist trail. When I found hidden markets and amazing street stalls frequented only by locals, became friends with residents, and understood how it operated, I knew why people loved Bangkok so much.

Bangkok is not a city for tourists.

It’s for residents.

Just like Los Angeles.

When I realized that, I stopped looking at Los Angeles through the lens of a tourist. When I began to look at through the eyes of the people who lived there, suddenly the city becomes alive with things to do, coffeeshops to sit in, and places to explore.

It turns out L.A. is an awesome city if you know where to look.

I just never knew where to look before.

Book Your Trip to Los Angeles: Logistical Tips and Tricks

Book Your Flight Find a cheap flight by using Skyscanner or Momondo. They are my two favorite search engines because they search websites and airlines around the globe so you always know no stone is left unturned.

Book Your Accommodation You can book your hostel with Hostelworld. If you want to stay somewhere other than a hostel, use Booking.com as they consistently return the cheapest rates for guesthouses and cheap hotels. I use them all the time. Here are suggested places to stay in Los Angeles:

USA Hostels – Located right between Hollywood Boulevard and Sunset Strip, this spot is awesome with privacy pods and ensuite dorms.

HI Los Angeles Santa Monica – A comfortable hostel where all the beach action is in Santa Monica.

Banana Bungalow – A social hostel in Hollywood with a great outdoor courtyard area (and regular BBQs!).

Don’t Forget Travel Insurance Travel insurance will protect you against illness, injury, theft, and cancellations. It’s comprehensive protection in case anything goes wrong. I never go on a trip without it as I’ve had to use it many times in the past. I’ve been using World Nomads for ten years. My favorite companies that offer the best service and value are:

World Nomads (for everyone below 70)

Insure My Trip (for those over 70)

Looking for the best companies to save money with? Check out my resource page for the best companies to use when you travel! I list all the ones I use to save money when I travel – and I think will help you too!

Looking for more information on visiting Los Angeles? Check out my in-depth destination guide to LA with more tips on what to see, do, costs, ways to save, and much, much more!

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