#maybe these people Do want kids and im just spitting nonsense

[hanniejji]

doll

[ kunikuzushi!scaramouche x okami!reader ]

summary: in a desperate hope that yae could still give ei's puppet a chance to live, she turns to you, an ancient godlike being born with the physique of a wolf and a former friend that she hasn't seen since makoto's death. yet, as she persuades you, she starts to realize that maybe this was her biggest mistake yet.

notes: nah y/n's just being a silly wolf, they're not gonna do anything bad to kuni 🥺 not yet ehe just kidding she's just a lil salty i based y/n's form from okami, a mythological wolf deity in japan but im not japanese so i may be culturally incorrect im so sorry ackskf | m.list

words: 1131 | warnings: a little mean and rude reader but only a lil ackskf

"it's a kid."

"as you can obviously see."

you sent a sharp side eye towards the smug fox, your arms crossed in an attitude that only you are privileged to make known to the ever magnificent yae miko. if it was anyone else, she would have said a word or two about their respect towards her.

but this is you.

you who used to signify great strength among your kind—you still do, but not as much when you were still active in the battlefield—and once stood beside the ever wise makoto, the first archon of inazuma.

you, veteran warrior of the archon war who survived the great calamity five hundred years ago, now being forced into some… babysitting nonsense.

"it's a fucking kid."

"watch your mouth, dear. after all, he is a kid," she winked. "and what do they say about kids? they are easily influenced by the people they are surrounded with, so if i were you i would be very careful if i don't want him spewing curses here and there."

"what is a kid, he, doing here?"

your eyes stared down at the shivering boy on the ground, meeting his terrified purple eyes that resembled someone you once knew. he's the spitting image of them, long luscious purple hair and amethyst eyes that shined brighter than any other vajrada stones you've seen—you're just being a little biased, you secretly love those cor lapis you only seen merchants bring through the port but you don't exactly say they out loud where anyone can hear you.

"that's a long story."

"well then, get talking."

"my, my, what got you so sour today?" yae's alluring giggles infuriated you more than the sight of this boy in front of you.

"you are well aware of why i prohibited any trespasses in my abode, guuji yae," your tone nearly turns to a growl at your ex-acquaintance's new title—you can almost see the way she backs away but she surely regained her composure as quick as lightning, but her flattened ears says otherwise—"and yet here you are, shamelessly asking me for a favor after i made it clear that my ties with the shogun and her connections are severed with my own claws."

"yes, i am aware," she exasperatedly sighs, "but this is a pressing matter that i can only turn to you for help."

"by dumping the child of the shogun on me?"

"y/n!" yae frowned at your tone, one of her hands coming to rest upon the boy's trembling shoulder. "if you could please take the time to understand where i am coming from, it would be greatly appreciated. listen to me, just this time."

the two of you stared at each other in silence, both of you radiating an intimidating aura of authority that only some of the most prominent species in inazuma has. your eyes glowered menacingly, a growl resounding from the back of your throat that sent yae miko into tremors of fear. you, who had stood next to the defenders of inazuma. yae miko barely stands a chance against you.

"please," she faltered against your everlasting gaze. "at least give the boy a chance."

your eyes brought its gaze to the trembling boy. his head is lowered to the ground, an evident effect of your show of strength. fear is literally plastered in the way he's trembling, elbows shaking despite having both of his hands keeping him up from falling limp on the ground. tears were dripping from his pale cheeks, soft whimpers of his cries being desperately muffled by biting into the pulp of his lower lip. it's no doubt that they're swollen by now—in fact, if he was human, you could probably smell the smallest hint of metallic blood from just a tiny crack on the skin of his lips.

pathetic, you scoffed, this? is supposed to hold the gnosis of a god? perhaps ei has forgotten the difference between a celestial being and a mere puppet.

"why is the shogun rejecting her own creation?"

the boy let out a whimper louder than the rest.

sensitive, too emotional.

"she did not reject him," yae crossed her arms at the accusation, bravely sending you a dirty look, "i would love to explain everything to you in detail, just not in his presence."

"oh?"

she grimaces at the victorious smirk on your face.

"why not let him listen? after all," you walk towards the boy, crouching right in front of him. a hand raises to tilt his chin up, eyes glowing in amusement at his confused look, "does he not deserve an explanation as to why his own creator—or better yet, his mother—decided to entrust him in the hands of someone like me?"

you hold his face in your hands, thumbs caressing the apple of his cheeks and cooing at the way they turn pink.

the way humans do.

"is ei," your voice lowers to a sultry tone, a hypnotic sound that turns the boy into a puddle of something akin to reverence, doe eyes staring back at yours, "turning her eyes away from a mistake she made on her own, like the blind coward she is?"

"that's enough," yae hissed, snapping the boy out of his trance and he cowers away from your touch, "ei is entrusting him to you because she knows you won't do anything that will harm him. he's still just a boy."

both yae and the boy jumped when you suddenly laughed. it wasn't anything gleeful or genuine. it was cold, empty, something that tells yae that she should leave before you bare your fangs at her.

"ei still trusts me? how amusing!" your grin tells her another story, "well then, i shall honor such opportunity!"

"what?" yae stares at you dumbfounded for the nth time today.

"you're… taking him in?" she faltered in disbelief. she was almost sure you'd shoo them away, spouting how insolent she is to believe that you would even do such a favor, that you would not bore such a responsibility on behalf of the shogun. somewhere at the back of yae's mind, she's screaming at herself to pull the boy away from you before everything takes a turn for the worst.

"why not?"

gently, with cold hands that once held warmth years ago, you held his face closer, brushing the stray strands of purple out of his visage and whispering into his ears.

"what's your name, little one?"

"kuni… kunikuzushi," he stammered.

"such an entitled name you have, i like it. doesn't suit a face like yours, but we'll see," the grin on your face widened, leaning closer to his ears, "i would love to take you in, doll."

the sight of you, towering above ei's prototype, sends an unknown fear into yae's mind.

[planetbass]

I FORGOT WHAT EMOJIS I WAS GONNA SEND BC OF WHAT U NAMED UR ASKBOX SO I HAD TO LOOK AT EM AGAIN DHJSSHDJ BUT HQ 🎥 💕 🏳️‍🌈

i accidentally xed out of this tab im going to commit kermit falling off roof vine. anyways im going to recreate the fuckign 500 words id already written best i can i guess. on the bright side, this draft will probably be much better than whatever nonsensical stuff i’d written before i accidentally thanosed it.

i Just changed my inbox name the other day but i dont remember what it is...... im sure it was something i thought was funny at like 3 am......

🎥 do you have any favorite scenes from your [special interest]?

SO fucking many. umm here r a few ig off the top of my head

the first thing that comes to mind is. the fucking scene where. theyre at training camp and hinata thinks there’s a . lost child among them or something and it’s fucking dark and scary and dramatic but it turns out it was just noya with his hair down (which added like 2 inches to his height)

any and all of the scenes in s2 with the 3rd gym squad (bokuto, kuroo, akaashi, hinata, tsukishima). 

in the manga, kuroo’s backstory abt how his shyness was “worse than [kenma’s]”

literally ANY and ALL times kuroo and daishou interact because theyre so fucking funny

kuroo: h

daishou: i hope youf ucking die i hate you i h

💕 tell us about one of your favorite characters and why you like them!

tit i cant believe you DO this to me when you KNOW how much i already talk about him and love him....

i think it really comes down to the fact that i see a lot of myself in him. it seems weird at first maybe, but when it comes down to his core character... similar. i identify with him a lot. he’s also a huge comfort character. poor kuroo suffers under all of my vent writing. it’s surprising i dont kin him but you never know i guess. 

idk if it still happens (it probably does tbh :unamused:) but he used to be characterized as like. extroverted sexy mccool guy by the fanbase and it was weird cuz kuroo is . A HUGE NERD. WHAT SORT OF KID, WHEN FIFTEEN YEARS OLD, DROPS THE TERM DOCOSAHEXAEONIC ACID INTO AN INSULT. his hair has no product in it to look Hot or anything it is not on purpose it is his natural, shitty bedhead from sleeping weird. he acts like a dumbass sometimes bc he’s a goofy guy, but he’s also SUPER smart. n people brush him off/think he’s joking when he says “i’m always this nice” but he IS he’s one of the most selfless characters. he’s really considerate and he helps people no matter what, even when he doesn’t have to - like when he helped tsukki during the training camp (not just on his technique, but he also helped him find his passion for volleyball) despite wanting to go up AGAINST tsukki’s team in nationals. not to mention that he wants karasuno to get better because he wants his team and karasuno to have an official match together to please his coach. AND despite winning against nohebi in the semifinals, when a group of strangers bash nobehi for their slimy tactics to scrape up points and gain the favor of the refs, kuroo DEFENDS nohebi even though he didn’t have to and when he has personal rivalry against their team’s captain. i will also stand by the fact that he’s anxiety disordered™. he just feels like a very real character to me n . i just love him a lot.

🏳‍🌈 do you have any headcanons (lgbt, race, neuro, etc) that are important to you?

yeah! a lot!

my biggest is that kuroo had/has selective mutism (n ppl can also interpret it as autism ! i just prefer sm bc thats what i got). that’s like. the One i will live and die by and it’s another reason why i really love him so much and that i see myself in him more than anyone else. as a teen and almost-adult i see him as still having some residual social anxiety due to the childhood disorder, and he’s hella depressed as well cuz it be like that. also for self-projection reasons i like arokuroo (i have that url stolen lol). ive never had a distinct sexuality headcanon for him, either pan or gay in my thoughts, but also since i see myself in him its hard for me to. do that ig?? idk lol

bokuto has adhd. i really support that one as well. he’s also ace!! he’s the ace ace!! i also like to see him as somewhat arospec, but in the sense that he’s just not really interested in that sort of thing? but he is still just... head over heels for akaashi.

akaashi has general anxiety n some social anxiety and also the pression. he’s GAY babey . ALSO he’s a he/him non-binary

kenma social anxiety babie. i mean, that’s literally canon. he has social anxiety. he’s also demi n trans. 

daishou is bi. i also write him as having paranoia. 

ask me abt any character n i can probably spit something out for u regarding lgbt headcanons. there’s too many to cover. 

[quinlin-blog1]

Blurb from What’s It Like

Axel Fletcher was a nine year old boy. He had brown eyes that were full of life and messy brown hair to match. He lived with his Mother and Father and his two siblings, both were girls.

Axel went to school like any other child would do, he did his homework, he got good grades and he even helped the Kindergartners with their lunches. But like any other child, Axel also got bullied.

It was always during break, Axel had just finished helping the Kindergarten class and he would make his way outside to the playground. Axel’s favorite spot on the playground, was under the slide. Not many kids went there because they were too busy playing on the swings or on the slide itself. All break, this was where Axel would sit, happily coloring in his drawing book, oblivious of the other children.

This obliviousness left Axel when two eighth grade boys came up to him. These two boys were known throughout the entire playground as the bullies and if you see them, you’d best avoid them. But unfortunately for Axel, today, he didn’t see them coming.

Axel was using an orange coloring pen, to color in the bill of the duck on the page, when suddenly the pen was ripped from his hands and a muddy, scuffed boots stepped right on his picture.

“Hey!” Axel exclaimed.

It was in the moment that Axel chose to look up at whoever had ruined his picture, expecting and hoping for it to be a kindergartener, playing around with him like they had done moments before, but not today.

“Watch it Shrimp!” The first boy told Axel as he snapped the coloring pen in his beefy hands.

Axel looked at the two boys, hoping that maybe he could just disappear and they would never see him again.

“Hey! We were talking to you Shrimp!” The second boy exclaimed.

Axel looked around the playground for a teacher, even another student that may help him, but the playground had been deserted. There wasn’t a teacher or student in sight. Now Axel really wish he was invisible.

The one boy watched ass Axel’s glance fleeted to his picture, so the older boy picked up the drawing and laugh a loud, fake laugh.

“What’s this supposed to be? Roadkill?”

Tears jumped to Axel’s eyes and he quickly looked away, hoping that the bullies wouldn’t see him crying and pick on him even more.

But luck, just didn’t like Axel today.

The first boy pulled Axel up by the collar of his shirt and then shoved Axel down to the hard gravel ground again. Axel could feel tiny pebbles sticking into the palms of his hands and his back and bum hurt from the harsh impact, but Axel didn’t cry, not again, he didn’t want to be weak in front of the older boys.

Once again, Axel was picked up by his collar and the second boy hung him on the edge on the railing for the slide, high enough to make sure that Axel’s feet didn’t touch the ground.

Axel thrashed and kicked, hoping that if he moved enough he would get unhooked, but looking down at the ground, it seemed much farther away than it had before and suddenly Axel didn’t want to fall, nor did he want to stay hooked on that railing. The two boys stepped back and started laughing cruelly, really, Axel didn’t see what was so funny. Why would you laugh at someone who’s stuck and can’t get down? But it was the mind of a big boy, as much as Axel tried, he didn’t understand how an eighth grader thought and didn’t think he ever would.

Now Axel was just hanging limply in the air, trying to hold his head up although it felt like his head weighed a million pounds. His legs were beginning to go numb and Axel already couldn’t feel his fingers. His back was getting cold from the light wind, the back of his shirt was stretching awkwardly and to make matters worse, the bell rang.

The bell rang, this meant that the other children would be coming out from wherever they had been playing and would see Axel hanging there. They were bound to laugh at him. He was going to get teased, laughed at and people would never let Axel live this day down.

But one good thing would come out of this, maybe a teacher would see.

‘Maybe they’ll get expelled’ Axel thought bitterly ‘maybe they’ll have to do community service.’

As children filled the school yard once more, Axel became aware of how many students there really were, there were hundreds. And they were all standing there, laughing at him.

Well most of them were, the only ones that weren’t were the ones that thought practical jokes were silly and a waste of time, but these children wouldn’t voice their thoughts, nor would they help poor Axel down from his perch, so really, Axel would remain there.

It was when a teacher came five minutes later that Axel finally got down. For the rest of the day, Axel kept his head down, hoping that his classmates wouldn’t tease him too harshly. The end of the day couldn’t have come quicker in Axel’s mind. As soon as the bell rang, Axel was out of his seat, grabbing his backpack and putting his coat on, soon Axel was running out the front doors of the school, ignoring the other people that were snickering and pointing.

The bus ride home wasn’t eventful. Axel sat in the seat closest to the driver hoping that no one would throw paper wads at him if he did this. But instead, kids just spat spit balls at the back of his neck and called out mean things. No matter how hard, Axel couldn’t shut it all out.

So when the bus reached his stop, Axel jumped up and ran out towards his home.

Axel opened his front door, took off his coat and shoes, dumped his backpack on the ground and ran up to his bedroom. He knew that his parents weren’t home yet, his mother was visiting his aunt in Florida whilst his father was at work. The babysitter was going to be there soon so Axel only had a few moments to himself.

In those moments, Axel decided that he was going to go hide himself in the attic and not come out for the rest of the day. In his mind, it made sense, he didn’t want to be bothered and no one went into the attic anyway, so Axel grabbed his favorite comic books, a few packages of crackers from the kitchen and pulled the ladder down. The attic was dusty, as attics are, in one corner there were boxes of old Christmas decorations that would not be taken out for another few months, in another corner there was a box that was labeled “Axel’s Baby stuff” and there was a clutter of other random boxes around the attic.

Axel found a folder out chair in one of the many boxes and unfolded it next to the grimy window. Looking out of the dirty glass pane, Axel could see the other houses on the street, cars driving, most likely filled with children from school, there were dogs running on the street, cats sitting on fences and leaves blowing from the trees. It was truly beautiful. Now that Axel cared. The beauty of the outside world never really struck Axel and he never understood why his mother was always talking about how amazing nature was.

Huffing, Axel sat back in the chair and watched as the sun slowly went down behind the clouds and down onto the horizon. He could hear his babysitter downstairs, calling for him, telling him that it was dinner, but Axel wasn’t hungry and he was pretty sure that if he tried to eat, it wouldn’t end well.

So Axel stayed in the chair, in the attic, looking out the window, watching as the sky faded into oranges and pinks and yellows, then as sit faded into a dark blue and black. The stars had come out by the time that Axel heard this front door opening, alerting him that his mother and father had returned home and his babysitter was leaving.

Something glittered in the sky and Axel looked up. It was a star, just like the other stars, but this one was special somehow. It was brighter, bigger and Axel could’ve looked at it all night long.

“If you wish on a star, maybe it will come true”

Axel remembered the words his mother had told him when he was young, of course Axel didn’t believe any of that nonsense at the time nor did he now, but it was worth a try.

So Axel closed his eyes, took a deep breath and thought to the star.

“I wish I was invisible. I wish that I was invisible and no one would ever know where I was. I wish that I was invisible so that I will never get teased again”

With that last thought, Axel opened his eyes and looked at his hands. When he realized that they were still there, he sighed.

Axel folded that chair up once more and put it back in its box, making sure that he put the box exactly where he found it, because he didn’t want his mother to be cross with him and then Axel went down the ladder.

“Axel! You didn’t eat your dinner” Axel’s Mother stated as he walked into the sitting room. She’d returned earlier that day.

“I’m not hungry” Axel said quietly.

“The Sitter said that you’ve been up in the attic since you got home from school. Did you need something?” Axel’s father asked.

Axel simply shook his head “I thought I would find my Soldier toy up there, but I couldn’t find him” Axel lied.

“Well I’m sure he’ll turn up. Now, go eat your dinner, I’ve just warmed it up and then go straight to bed” His mother ordered.

So Axel went and sat at the table and slowly ate his cold dinner. The chicken didn’t taste good, the potatoes were dry and his broccoli were mushy, all in all, Axel was excited to go to bed. Once he had finished his dinner, Axel put his plate in the sink, kissed his mother and father good night, then went up to the bathroom to brush his teeth.

As he did this, Axel wondered why his wish hadn’t worked.

‘Did I do it wrong? Was I missing something? Maybe the star needed some food and maybe it would have answered my wish if I had given it some chicken. Do stars eat chicken? Do stars eat at all?’

All these thoughts went through Axel’s mind as he finished brushing his teeth and he climbed into his warm bed.

Grabbing his stuffed bear, Axel closed his eyes and the last thing he saw was the star, before he fell asleep.

The next Morning Axel woke up dreading school. He didn’t want to go and he buried himself deeper into his covers, hoping that the world would disappear and school would cease to exist. But reality came to him when his babysitter called up the stairs to him, saying that it was time to go to school.

So Axel begrudgingly got out of his bed and trudged over to his cupboard, where he quickly got dressed, put on his shoes on, brushed out his hair and grabbed his backpack and ran down the stairs, where his sitter was holding his lunch.

“Turkey and Cheese, with no mayo and extra ketchup” His sitter recited.

Axel smiled a fake smile and took the paper bag out of the baby sitter’s hands.

“Thank you” He said before rushing out the door.

But as soon as he did, Axel felt a sudden wave of dizziness surround him, stumbling for a moment, Axel blinked the spots dancing in front of his eyes away and he continued to walk to the bus stop. He was hesitant when he saw that there were other kids standing there, he didn’t want to be made fun of because of what had happened yesterday, but when he arrived at the bus stop, no one greeted him, no one said hi, or asked him how he was, no one teased him, no one even looked at him. This relieved Axel, he waited at the bus stop in peace, and no one spoke to him, which was alright with Axel because he didn’t really know any of them.

When the bus arrived, Axel was the first to get on, he sat in the front row where no one else joined him.

In wasn’t a very long drive to school, around five minutes if the stops to pick up the other children weren’t long. During this short time, Axel looked out the window and waited to get to school, still dreading what might await him.

But finally the bus stopped at Axel’s school and all the children got off the bus, Axel going last, hoping to get lost in the crowd, but nobody noticed him.

Everything went normally, Axel went to his locker cubby, placed his coat and backpack in it, and then walked to class, where Axel sat at his desk, waiting for all the other children to join him.

Soon enough, the classroom slowly filled with other children and Axel’s teacher began roll call.

Considering the first letter in Axel’s name was A, his name was quite near the beginning of the list.

“Axel” His teacher called out

“Here!” Axel replied like always. But his teacher didn’t hear him.

“Axel?”

“Here!”

But once again, poor Axel wasn’t heard.

“He wasn’t on the bus today. Maybe he’s sick?” One of the other children suggested

“But I’m right here!” Axel protested, getting up out of his seat.

Axel walked over to his teacher and waved his hand in front of their face, but it was like Axel was invisible.

Then the thought hit Axel. He had wished on the start that he could be invisible, he woke up this morning and he wasn’t.

‘But then I got very dizzy when I walked out the front door’ Axel reminded himself ‘Maybe I’m only invisible when I’m not in my home’

This made Axel very happy. He could do whatever he wanted to and not have to worry about anybody seeing him.

Grinning to himself, Axel made his way silently (Although no one could hear him) out of the classroom and down the hall to find the grade eight class.

Inside this classroom, was a grade eight class learning about biology, and the two bullies from the day before were there as well.

Axel slowly walked into the classroom and sat in the teacher’s chair, watching ass the teacher explained bird physiology. Axel played with the things lying on the teacher’s desk, things like tack and erasers and confiscated phones. The class seemed to drag on forever in Axel’s mind and he was sure that some of the other students felt the same way. Some of them were staring blankly at the chalk board, other were napping with their heads tucked onto their desks, while there were very few writing down every word the Teacher was saying, whether it be important or not.

From what Axel gathered, the teacher was both telling a story about a bird and telling a story about his childhood, both were equally boring. Axel looked around the classroom for anything he could mess with and his eyes came into contact with the other chalk board. The one the teacher wasn’t writing on. One this chalk board was the date, the eighth grade lessons for that day, reminders about a math test on Wednesday and an old game of tic-tac-toe. Grinning, Axel made his way over to this board and picked up the chalk board eraser. Axel raised the Eraser and began to wipe away the words and numbers written there. Slightly paranoid, Axel kept looking over his shoulder to see if any of the students had seen him, but no one had, in fact Axel had remained invisible to the entire class.

Soon, Axel had wiped the entire chalkboard clean of the writing and he picked up a piece of blue chalk, grinning a Cheshire Cat grin. Axel put the chalk to the board and began drawing a giant wobbly picture. As he drew, the picture turned out to be a picture of a volcano, a blue volcano with pink lava flooding from the top. Personally, if you were to ask Axel, he’d say it was the best Volcano he had ever drawn. As Axel moved on to draw a spaceship hovering in the sky by the volcano, he realized that he was too short to reach the place he needed to. So Axel walked over to a stack of spare chairs in the corner and picked one up. Looking around Axel realized that surely someone would notice a floating chair being walked across the classroom.

Ignoring those thoughts Axel began to carry the chair to his old spot in front of the chalk board. To his shock, no one saw him.

Shrugging, Axel began to draw the Millennium Falcon from Star Wars.

AS he drew, Axel heard a grunt as one of the students woke up, yet he ignored this noise and continued to draw. Suddenly, the classroom erupted into whispers and chatter and the teacher stopped his droning.

“What is the matter?” He asked

One of the eighth grade students pointed to the chalk board and the teacher looked over and let out a shriek.

The author is sure that you would too if you saw a floating piece of chalk drawing a picture of a spaceship.

“What is this!?” The teacher demanded.

“The classroom is haunted!” One girl cried out

Grinning again, Axel put the chalk down, causing several children to squeal and look around to look for him. Axel went over to one of his bullies from yesterday and began playing with his hair.

“What’s happening!?” His friend exclaimed as Axel put a pencil in the boy’s ear.

As the cherry on the cake, Axel went over to the chalk board with the teachers writing and wrote, in giant letters. BOO!

Everyone in the classroom began to scream and they jumped from their seats out of the classroom, the teacher close behind them.

Axel was doubled over in fits of laughter as he listened to the class freak out in the hallways.

‘That was fun’ Axel thought to himself ‘What should I do now?’

As a response to that, Axel’s stomach rumbled and Axel happily skipped to the classroom, giggling as he passed the grade eight class. In the cafeteria, the lunch lady was scooping things into bowls, getting ready for lunch which happened to be very soon. Axel walked over and grabbed a piece of a turkey sandwich, which had been put on a plate not moments before. When the lunch Lady turned around and saw a sandwich missing she looked around and picked up a cleaver.

“Come here ya vermin, try it!” She then began to run around the cafeteria, trying to find the “Mice” that had stolen the sandwich.

The day went by too quickly for Axel’s liking. During the next few hours, he had thrown cheese strings at the Secretary, Poured water on the head of his French teacher, whom he thoroughly disliked, given flowers to the girl that he had a tiny crush on and sat in the principal’s office, while spinning on the Principal’s chair.

The bus ride home was pretty boring compared to the rest of the day, he stood at the very front, not sat, stood and waited to get off. When he got off the bus, he ran home and stopped at his porch.

‘If I go into my house, will I reappear?’ He asked himself. ‘Well I’ll have to go in sometime’

So Axel took a step forwards and walked into his house.

“Hey Axel” His babysitter said “How was school?” She looked over at his, smiling lightly.

Axel grinned and set his bag down “Oh you know, pretty boring”

[hey-hey-chan]

Click Pause - Seungmin

Inspired by this gfx set by @realstraykids !! Em is so talented and I immediately got this idea when I looked at her art, so please check it out and give it lots of love (not like you haven’t seen it already pssh)

Ok now with no further ado, here it is idk why im so dramatic wtf

*click* *click* 

*click* *click*

The pink cherry blossoms that were fading were always the most beautiful to me. Yeah, the bright pink they get in the beginning is pretty, almost a hopeful feeling, but the fading of the color reminds me how sometimes even the most gorgeous things can try to cling onto life for a bit longer. 

*click* I looked down to my camera and checked the pictures I had taken. I sighed and shook my head, my bangs sticking to my forehead in this warm spring air. 

“No feeling my ass, these pictures are beautiful.” I muttered to myself. I had just come out of my principal’s office. After winning an award, doing photoshoots, and bringing so much recognition to my school, you think the man would be thankful. Wrong. He’s always trying to bring down my reputation and make me fail high school, I don’t know what’s his deal honestly. 

I leaned against a tree and winced in frustration after remembering the conversation I had with him earlier. 

“What?! That’t not fair! You can’t do that!” I yelled at the older man in front of me, he leaned back in his chair, a smirk emblazed on his lips despite trying to hide it with a glare. 

“Young man, you do not speak to me like that. You have to do this to graduate and to get this big scholarship, and if you don’t, then oh well, your whole career is down the drain.” He mocked me by mimicking a toilet flushing which made my whole face turn red in disgust at his behavior. 

“Mr. Kim, it’s just, I-I don’t get it. I’ve been apart of numerous photoshoots, won awards for my work, I’ve gotten interviews with really good colleges, why would you try to hold me back from this?” I questioned. 

Despite being an award winning photographer, I was still a senior in high school trying to make my way on by. The senioritis was really kicking me in the shins right now, but nothing could ever stop me from taking pictures. It was the only thing keeping me sane from this hell hole, yet my principal always had to try and hold me back from achieving my dreams. 

The old guy always gave me weird looks in the hallways and glared at me every time I gave a speech. I don’t know what I did to upset him so much. 

“Oh Seungmin, if you think you’re the best photographer out there, you’re so wrong. I’m sorry to say that but it’s true-”

“That’s a lie, I am good! I just won the 2018 SK Rising Photograph Award, I don’t want to brag or anything, but it’s an award some people only dream of, and I got it at 17. How is that not being good?” I felt my heart beating a million times per second as I felt rage and fear stir inside of me. I felt like I was walking on a flower road to my dreams, and now a huge roadblock was in my way. 

“Yeah, the rising photographer award, which means you’re not there yet. And I’ve been talking with numerous colleges, lots have been asking for you, but also I’ve heard some critique about your photos.” I sat up in my chair, my ears sticking up in curiosity. 

“Critique about what? I mean, I know I have flaws, but they’re fixable. I’m only 17.” I mentioned again. The man laughed and shrugged his shoulders.

“They mentioned how that yes, your photos are good, but they don’t really have any feeling behind them. You don’t take pictures of things that mean something to you, just what you have to take pictures of, you see the difference? They want something raw and emotional or loving, anything like that! And you, being the star of the school, I won’t allow you to fail. So, that’s your next assignment.” He shoved the document in front of me that literally just explained what he told me. “Good luck my boy.” 

I shook my head, trying to erase the memory, although I needed to do this project to finish high school. I guess I could drop out and just go get a real job, but I want to graduate. I mean, I’ve dedicated 4 years to this hell hole, I’m leaving with a certificate and my legacy. 

I raised my camera to get some good shots of the sun hitting the flowers perfectly. 

“You like cherry blossoms too?” My concentration fell to the ground as the girl practically screamed in my ear. I closed my eyes, trying to not lash out at her as I almost had the most perfect shot. “I love them too! They’re so pretty! I love the color pink, it makes me so happy! And pink and white? That’s golden! Also I love cherries because red is my favorite color, but cherry blossoms are pinky, isn’t that weird? I’ve always-” 

“I’m sorry, do I know you?” I asked abruptly, hoping she would get the point and scurry away. Unfortunately, the girl smiled and held out a hand. 

“Oh my bad, I always forget to introduce myself. I’m y/n, and you’re the photographer boy.” I scoffed at her words. Photographer boy, is that what I’m known by? 

I shrugged and tried not to roll my eyes, “Kim Seungmin.” I replied quickly, not dragging this conversation out longer. 

“Ah yes, you’re very popular. I know you. You go to my school you know? We’re in the same grade.” I tried to raise my camera to snap some more pics, but I knew my concentration was already lost. 

“Oh really?” I blandly noted. I saw her nod in the corner of my eye and then did something that made me want to punch her face through the roof. The girl deadass jumped right in front of my camera and kept spitting out nonsense.

“Yeah yeah! Everybody knows you! Although, you don’t seem like the type to just like go to a park and take some pictures. Everyone knows you’re the type of like, high motion picture kinda guy? Wait that didn’t make sense, but do you know what I mean? You’re like always on the move, not the type of nature picture-taker, ya know-”

“Ok I really don’t mean to be rude, but I am trying to complete a project, so can you please leave me alone?” I expected the girl to stop talking, but instead she just laughed and patted me on the arm, messing up my denim jacket. 

“Ahhh, sure of course! Why didn’t you say that earlier!? Oh wells, I guess I’ll be on my way now, see you later!” With those words, she ran into the far distance. 

I shook my head and took off my jacket to get more freedom in my arms. 

That girl was kinda weird, hopefully I never see her again. But then again, what the hell was she going on about? What do people think of me?

I brushed away the thought and returned to snapping pics of the flowers who I knew couldn’t talk.

*click*

---

"So what am I going to do about this?” I was on the phone with my best friend, complaining about the project my principal assigned.

“I don’t know dude, just get the picture done? The man has no idea what he’s talking about, your pictures are pretty cool dude. All high quality and shit.” I groaned and rolled over on my bed which made all my clothes tumble over in the process. 

Everyone thinks photographers have these aesthetically pleasing rooms; my room had a trash bag filled to the top and a spiderman mat on the ground.

“I guess I have to, but I don’t know how to make my pictures different?” Felix laughed harshly in my ear which made me pull my phone away from my face. 

“Just take a normal picture and submit it, 10/10 guranteed the man doesn’t know the different between a picture with ‘passion’ and a picture that’s just good.” 

-----

“This picture has no passion.” The old man threw my picture aside and shrugged his shoulders. 

“C’mon Mr. Kim, I love those flowers, they’re my favorite. I felt so happy taking them.” I lied. I mean, they are my favorite I guess, and I guess I felt happy, but I feel happy taking all my pictures. Because I’m a photographer.

The man winced and pursed his lips together, “hm I don’t doubt that boy. But you’re missing one thing.” I paused, waiting for him to continue. 

“Missing wha-”

“Love.” He interrupted me abruptly to say one daunting word. Love. 

“And I love taking pictures.” The guy had the audacity to sit up on his desk and hum like he didn’t know what I was talking about. “I’m serious.” Mr. Kim got off his desk and sighed. 

“Seungmin, I think at one point you loved to. You had an interest in it as a kid, you pursued it as a real life goal not just a hobby, but now? You see it as just work.” I stood in silence at his words and took a step back, the words hitting me like a blow to my face.

“Just work? There’s no way. I love what I do.” I argued, though even I felt like my words had no bite to them. Mr. Kim stared at me for a few moments, letting my anger seep quickly into my veins. Finally, the man just shrugged and turned to the door. 

“Seungmin, we both know that you’re lying, but maybe you just don’t know that yet. So here’s what I’m telling you, go out, not just to take pictures, but go out and have fun. And then take pictures when you’re actually having fun, not just taking pictures to make it look like you’re having fun. Then maybe, like, meet a girl or someone or something, or whoever you like, whatever. Just meet someone spunky and full of life, that’s my advice to you.” He rambled on and started to shove me out of his office.

“Wait, I-”

“I have work to do! Now go, meet someone who might drive you a lil crazy but does some good to you.” 

I was shoved into the hallways and the door clicked in front of my face. 

“Meet a girl? Why-” 

“SEUNGMIN!” I heard a familiar high pitched shriek come from the end of the hallway. Then, a girl with light pinks came running at me from far away. Oh hell no- “Seungmin, that’s so funny. I feel like I’ve never seen you around here, but now, after we talked yesterday, I see you everywhere!” 

“I mean, not everywhere. Just this once.” I hope. She barked out laughed while hitting my arm like we were friends.

“Yeah true, so, how’s that project coming along?” The words brought anger to my lips and I spat it at the innocent girl.

“You know what? It’s going great, so excuse me, I have to leave again.” I stomped away like a child, holding my head high and left the girl in the dust. I didn’t know what her expression was, but I assumed it was confused. 

I just hoped I never saw this girl again.

“Ugh I can’t sleep,” I spoke to myself. It was a 11:49 on a Friday night, yet I felt jittery and upset. I shook off the sweat on my head and pulled on some real clothes. “Nothing like a good slice of cake can’t heal.” I muttered to myself. 

I guess I might as well get some good pics of the night sky while I’m at it. 

I pulled on a black hoodie paired with dark jeans and left the house. Thank god my parents were on a business trip.

It took me about 10 minutes to walk to my favorite cafe, which was nice since it made me feel calm and sweet in the nice crispy air. I slowly took out my camera to snap a pic, then I remembered Mr. Kim’s words. 

“You just see it as work.” 

I shook my head, no I didn’t. I let my camera hang by my side and walked into the brightly lit cafe. 

“Hi what can I get for you- oh my gosh, hey Seungmin!” 

No no no, how is this girl everywhere Jesus Christ? 

I looked up and saw the familiar cheerful girl with light pink hair. She was even as excited looking at night. 

“Hey y/n,” I greeted respectfully, trying not to be a jackass this late at night. The cafe was dead, I mean I’m not surprised since it’s so late.

“So, really, what can I get for you tonight?” I sighed, peering down at the glass. 

“I guess I’ll get a coffee and a slice of tiramisu.” 

“Ooh! Tiramisu! My favorite! And coffee? At this hour?” I scoffed at his accusatory tone. 

“Yeah I guess I’m already awake, might as well take some pictures of this beautiful night sky Korea is blessed with.” For the first time ever, she paused to think about her words. Then, she shrugged her shoulders and tucked a piece of her hair behind her ear. 

“I guess, but you should really be getting some rest. Or like not thinking about work all the time.” 

She really didn’t just- I sighed internally and looked away from her face so she wouldn’t see the glare I had. 

“It’s not just work. I like to take pictures,” I said with attitude in my voice. The girl gave a small laugh, not like the ones she had earlier.

“So it is true.” I chuckled at her words.

“What’s true?”

“That you’re so obsessed with doing well that you’re started to take your work too seriously? I mean c’mon Seungmin, you’re 17. Go out a live a little.” 

“Live a little? I live A LOT. I live more than any high schooler actually; I travel abroad, I work with people I’ve only seen in magazines, isn’t that living?” I mocked her words, giving her a piece of my own brain. But, all the girl did was chuckle

“Fine, if you live a lot, then once I get off on my shift, we’re going somewhere fun. No work involved.” I stared at her face for a bit, wondering if she was crazy or something. 

“Go out? With you? No way.” She just laughed at my words. 

“Not as a date silly, all you’re doing is just proving a point. Plus, this tiramisu and coffee was on me so you owe me one.” I scoffed at her words and took the drink out from my mouth.

“That’s crazy, I never asked you to do that-” She shook her head and smiled.

“Nope, you didn’t ask me nor did I tell you I would be doing so. That was fun. You should try it.” I felt heat rise to my cheeks as she just sauntered away and set down her apron. “You coming or not? Either way I’m going alone.” 

“You like your ramen?” I slurped up the noodles and glared at the girl beside me. I said nothing and continued to take another bite. “Oh c’mon Seungmin, I didn’t force you to come out here, you did so yourself.” 

“You made me feel guilty.” I mentioned. She shrugged at my accusation. 

“Oops?” She took a bite of her ramen and groaned happily. “I love ramen, more than cherry blossoms probably. But I think I prefer morning to night, what about you?” I shrugged. 

“I guess I’ve never thought about that...” I trailed off, but not setting down my chopsticks to think.

“Wow you really are how everyone said you were.” At those words, I set down my chopsticks and stared at her, trying to ignore the way her lips were now bright red and her hair was ruffled in her hoodie. 

“Whatever. I’m having fun.” I said, picking my chop sticks up again and taking a big slurp. I heard her giggle next to me. 

“Fine. I’m having fun too.” I heard her take an even bigger gulp next to me, making me cringe. 

“I’m having more fun.” I picked up my bowl to slurp it up, hoping none would spill on me. 

“I’m having the most fun!” She picked up her bowl and chugged the thing, setting it down so only a little was left. She licked her lips and smiled at me. “And that’s how it’s done.” She chuckled. Impulsively, my eyes flickered to her lips. She cocked a brow cheekily. “What are you looking at, pretty boy?” My cheeks turn a bright red, but I grew confused when she stood up. 

“Where’re you going?” I asked out of impulse. Once her expression turned cheeky, I felt my cheeks blush. 

“Just to the river silly, follow me when you’re done.” I watched as me carefully tried to keep her sweater on and body on land while dipping her toes in the water. The street lights lit our surroundings just barely and the rest of the world just seemed so big in comparison to us. 

I set down my chopsticks and picked up my camera. I slowly stood from the table, careful not to make any noise and aimed my camera at her. The camera made a loud clicking noise, so I took a few just in case I would never get this moment again. 

“Hey! What are you doing?” She had a demanding tone in her voice and was slowly stopping over to me. 

I held my hands up in surrender, yet she pouted since I was laughing. “Hey now, I can’t help but take pictures of pretty things.” I heard her lightly gasp which made me laugh, until I felt cold water hit my leg.

“Maybe instead of taking pictures of everything, you just need to enjoy these memories instead.” 

She ran back into the river, her light laugh filling the loud silence of the night sky. I saw her twirl underneath the stars, right where the lighting was perfect. I raised to take a picture of the romantic and brightly lit picture.

I shook my head and set the camera down on my chest. 

No, sometimes we all just have to 

Click Pause.

[kevuvu]

The April Fool is my writing

HEY SO that Dragon AU I had? This is the drabble I wrote for it! Near the end you’ll see uh.. where I lost motivation ... there’s some notes and shit.. i don’t plan on continuing it! :’) anyways uhh

Royai, 1974 words, babies first attempt at a fic... enjoy

--------------------

On the rare occasion, Roy Mustang could be quite a fool.

It was a strange happenstance for sure, as most have reason to believe otherwise. At a young age stupidity was wrung out of him as if he were a towel, anyone who knew Madam Christmas considered it inevitable. Under her guidance he learned typical boyish things like reading body language and how to swindle somebody. Instead of befriending kids his age he talked to wise customers, instead of playing with sticks he played with minds. Roy took to the life like breathing, it was natural for him. To be a fool was unheard of, but alas Roy was still human. Try as Madam might there was only so much she could do to wisen up the boy, and the most human part of him was what she lacked the heart to squash out - something his new tutor encouraged in fact. General Grumman, a frequent at the tavern and the boy’s new teacher - loved Roy’s youthful idealism, and consistently sent him on errands to challenge that faith. What Grumman intended was to temper his ideology, to strengthen it into a powerful mindset that could confront the world.

Instead, he created a travelling heart throb, a very very lost travelling heart throb.

It was safe to say he was in a bind. Roy was used to old ladies fawning over him - cooing something about grandsons and youth - but today it was particularly bad. It seemed that word spread of a young man with a passion to learn - with the money to afford it! and it was as if the entire village had a particular infatuation with the idea. Who knew a coast town could be known for its gold mine? It was in a desperate attempt for some peace of mind he declined his escort to the next town, choosing to rely on flimsy directions down a long and confusing road into the thick forest, to reach a secluded farming town before nightfall. It certainly wasn’t his brightest choice, and it was as he was kicking himself for the blunder when he noticed something odd.

Blood interrupted his path, creating a trail deeper into the woods. The sight encouraged Roy to be careful, taking note of his surroundings as he followed it. If getting lost made him a fool, then he had no idea what this was. It was eerily quiet, and he suspected it was due to the gashes in the trees. Strange, contorted claw marks that seethed with power, the sight had him ghosting the dagger at his side. Something in the area was dangerous, whatever caused the damage could spell out their anger in just a swipe alone. He had a faint suspicion his foster mother’s cat wasn’t the cause. No animal came to mind except one, but he squashed the theory in favour of being pragmatic. Burn marks? Broken trees? Roy tried to justify the charred earth he found, making up an excuse about the summer heat and fire. It was playing dumb and he knew it, but he refused to believe in his boyish dreams until he thought of everything. In the corner of his eye he spotted a body, heaving an unfitting sigh as he walked over to the logical explanation. Whether it was a sigh of relief or disappointment he wouldn’t say, but when he spotted something golden in the clearing Roy’s breathing stopped. He was now staring at a dream, and there was no one around to pinch him.

You see, Roy Mustang found a dragon. While it was half dead, caught in a steel net, and the reason for the bodies, the fabled beast looked as stunning as the legends told. Finding a rare creature would make anyone happy, but to Roy it was exceptional. In the time he learned about the world, he found himself drawn to the legends, listening to tales whenever he had the chance. Now he was seeing a tale with his own two eyes. The creature looked more akin to a bird, but there was no question about its blood. If not for the whipping tail or the menacing talons, it was for the fire that burned in its eyes. Eyes currently staring at him, eyes that told him he would be a 4th body if they weren't already compromised.

This was the reason Roy was uncharacteristically a fool - it wasn’t getting lost, it wasn’t following blood into the dark woods, but it was finding an angry dragon and vowing to help. General Grumman sent him on these errands to test his ideology, and there was no better exam than this. Roy Mustang was an idealistic moron, but a damn good one at that, and he knew he had to play his cards right if he was going to help them.

"Hey there," he whispered, crouching low as he approached the beast. He was met with a hiss in response, a sign he knew all too well that meant he was overstepping boundaries. It was a shame Roy didn’t have a knack for animals, though it was rather unfair to compare the two. A dragon’s intelligence was presumed equal to that of a human's - something that created heavy controversy over history. He held on to the theory of intelligence, continuing forward with a goal to prove his innocence. Maybe if he was careful enough the dragon would forego the prejudice for just this moment, and allow him to help. Though, with the beasts huffing, his chances were looking a little grim. "Easy now, I got some bandages in my bag, I’m gonna patch you up alright?" It did not need to speak, the unwavering glare was clear with the death threats. Instincts were screaming at him to run, but he persevered knowing the situation was too grave to back down from. The boy knew better, and he paused to shuffle off his bag and search for his medkit.

After gently rifling through his items, Roy continued to crawl over to the dragon with his medkit in tow. He hoped to be as clear with his intentions as possible, but the dragon still bristled at his advancements. A flame was spit out in defense - if you could call it a flame that is. It looked more like lit sludge and hot tar than a flame, with a smell so foul that Roy could only credit it to be blood. Roy winced, partially due to his hastiness, and paused for a moment to reassure them. "It’s okay, I want to help you.” He tried to sound as sincere as possible, holding out the bandages to prove it was all he was holding. "Will you let me?” The creature continued to stare, and Roy took a moment to wonder if they could even understand him.

What a stubborn creature, knowing full well what they are and reminding him of their two different worlds.

Determination is what kept Roy’s frustration in check. Stubbornness to a dragon was like fish to water, he was banking on logic to win out. The beast’s wound wouldn’t clot in time without his assistance, and if they truly were smarter than the average bear then it should have realized this by now.

As if on cue, Roy heard a huff of indignation. The dragon rolled onto their side and exposed the most serious wound to him, a lengthy gash on the wing, wrapping around the side of its body. Inappropriately Roy was reveling in this moment, being quick to remove the net before the dragon changed its mind. His skills in first aid were minimal, but he attempted to clean the wound to the best of his knowledge. Applying antiseptic, Roy looked at the dragon for any sign of irritation - knowing one wrong move could cost a hand. The dragon appeared calm, but the long tail that extruded from its lower back gave away its irritation. Not unlike a cat, it was thumping against the earth - flame on the end roaring with the rush of air. It was fairly amusing, but it sometimes came a little too close to his hair. He suspects it does that on purpose. Roy diligently applied the bandages for the next few minutes, recalling the process vaguely out loud as a confidence boost and as a one sided conversation to ease the tension.

The student, as amateur as he was, finished the last bandage with pride. “It’s not perfect but it works - maybe I should take up Dragon Medical Care as a side study?” Roy continued to talk, noting the the beast was significantly more calm. His plan to ease tension seemed to work, now the dragon stared at him with calculating eyes instead of eyes of fury. He also noticed the dragon was surprisingly good humoured, allowing themselves to be layered in bandages that were more of a nuisance than help. Maybe his charm really does work on more than old ladies.

Roy stood up and stretched, taking a look at the sky to judge the time. The real problem was what to do now. The dragon needed rest to heal, but people were likely going to look for the poachers. They needed to move somewhere out of sight, but there was no guarantee that the dragon wouldn't scamper off the moment it could. It wasn’t like he could stop it either. Roy wasn’t an optimist, but he hoped it could rely on him until it was healed. He pondered on his choices, but it wasn’t until he exchanged eye contact with the beast that he decided on the next course of action.

“I’m going to go look for a safe place to make a camp, I’ll come back to get you alright?”

If the dragon took the risk to trust him, he should trust the dragon in turn, and as the dragon stared at his eyes he took in the sight of the myth in front of him - just incase it was his last time.

---

Was Roy ever not a fool? Was he blind to this all along, and only now became aware of it? He was having an identity crisis while attempting his last chore for the day - starting a fire. Simple enough he thought, he managed to convince a dragon to follow him to a new location, to fall asleep while he set up a camp, and even caught a fish to eat! how hard was a measly fire? very hard apparently.

without any matches roy pulled up his sleeves, grabbing some rocks he Thought were flint and started wacking for a spark.

WOOPS I STOPPED WRITING! :(

Time skip to him at the camp

Uhhh more later im toired

Paragraphs I took out to add in later - but never did bc I stopped! enjoy the uh... nonsense bc i haven’t proofed em

---

a dragon willingly showed weakness to him. Whether it was because they had run out of options did not matter, the creature chose to risk death by his hand over their pride. He wasn’t arrogant as to assume it was out of trust. No amount of effort could ever hope to persuade the mind against history. The dragon must have a strong reason to live, something far stronger than dying to an underhanded trick. Roy wanted to honour their choice, approaching the wound with this in mind.

---

Roy tried his best not to stare at the peak of red markings exposed under the feathers. If memory serves right, it was the very reason its kind was hunted. Intricate script that was theorized to be magic embodiment, as the winding text described the source of their power. Staring at it would be suicidal, they would rightfully assume ill intentions. Still, his insatiable urge to learn was nagging him in his mind.

Even if he were to succumb to the desire, it was a fruitless ambition. Roy could never hope to understand the language, the language itself would have to accept him.

---

THAT’S IT!!

[sincelight]

I'm A Little Awkward, But Most People Like Me

Pairing: Yixing/Baekhyun Rating: pg-13 Genre: online friendship? 

Summary: Baekhyun's a little awkward, spends too much time reading smutty gay fanfiction, and doesn't think twice before flying across the country to meet his favorite author.

He’s staring at the screen, the little line blinking, taunting him. He wants to say something. Anything. But what? Is it weird if he just gushes? Can he do that? Hi you don’t know me but I love ur fics and ur a great writer and i think i love you please be my friend. He quickly backspaces. “Definitely can’t send that.”

He lets his head fall onto his desk and pouts. “Come on Baekhyun, you’re a people person, you’re great at making friends. Just say hi.” He takes the bit of courage his little pep talk gives him and hurries to type something, not going back to reread it because he knows he’ll just backspace it all again. He lets out his held breath after hitting send and then hurries to exit out of the site, shutting his laptop and pushing it away from himself. It’s late and he should get to bed anyway, he has work in the morning.

He hates the sound of his alarm. It’s too loud. Each time it goes off, every five minutes for a half-hour straight, he silences it and forces himself not to cry into his pillow. He briefly wonders why his life can’t be like Kai’s in xingie’s latest fic. Why wasn’t he born into a rich family, with the luxury of never having to work a day in his life? He sighs, swings his legs over the edge of the bed and stands.

After getting ready it’s a short walk to work, too short. He looks up at the building, the glass window with the stupid purple coffee mug smiling down at him, and is disappointed that, once again, it hasn’t burned down overnight. The sound of the bell chiming when he opens the door annoys him, but one annoyance is quickly replaced with another when his manager, Junmyeon, marches up to him with that overly happy smile on his face.

“You’re late. Again.”

Baekhyun continues walking, thinking that if he ignores him he’ll go away. But Junmyeon only follows behind him, much too close.

“Third time this week, Baek. You need to be—“

“I know, Junmyeon,” he sighs as he ties his apron around his waist. “I know.” Junmyeon gives him a look, the one he uses when customers are being unreasonable, but doesn’t say anything more. “I’ll be on time tomorrow.”

He’s left alone after that to work. This part of his job he can handle, making coffee is something he’s always enjoyed. Plus, the sounds of the machines drown out potential conversations his coworkers might be tempted to have with him. On more than one occasion he’s turned the blender on specifically to drown out whatever nonsense Sehun was spewing, that kid seems to never stop talking. He’s cute, but god damn.

His first order of the day is a mocha latte and he smiles to himself. It reminds him of a fic by xingie he’d read not too long ago; the main character worked in a coffee shop and his super cute, much too flirty regular always ordered a mocha latte everyday. He’s torn from his daydream when he realizes he’s spilling milk all over the counter and it’s pouring onto the front of his apron. He curses under his breath, quickly grabbing a rag to wipe up his mess. Maybe if xingie actually replies to him he can tell him how he made a mess at work daydreaming about one of his steamy sex scenes from his coffee shop fic. He smiles.

“Why are you smiling like that?” Sehun’s voice calls suddenly, much too close to him. “You’re happy you just spilled milk all over yourself?” Baekhyun shoots Sehun a quick glare and then turns on the empty blender.

By the time he gets to sit down for his lunch break he’s ready to go home. His feet hurt and he looks like he pissed himself and he really just wants to finish the chaptered fic he’d started the night before. He sips from his coffee mug and looks to the clock on the wall above him. Fifteen minutes, thats enough time to at least get in half a chapter. So he pulls his phone out and quickly loads up the site, tapping on his subscriptions and smiling to himself.

It’s been a long read. He’s spent most of his free time for the better part of a week reading this fic. It’s by xingie, so of course it’s amazing, but this one. This one is it. This one is everything Baekhyun’s been looking for in a fic. He’s cried twice, gotten so angry at the main character he’s slammed his laptop shut, and had to stop reading to masturbate once. Okay, twice. Okay, it was three times, but xingie just knows how to write some good sex. Baekhyun pouts, he wishes he was having good sex. He sighs, rolls his eyes and refocuses. Ten minutes, start reading, he tells himself.

He’s just about to get to the part where Kai finally, finally, confesses to the short, big-eyed boy of his dreams when someone kicks his foot. He holds his breath to keep a shout in, because he’d rather not get in trouble. So he settles for an annoyed, “What?” Junmyeon doesn’t speak, just holds his wrist up to tap at the face of his watch. Oh, Baekhyun thinks, my break ended twenty minutes ago. He throws a charming smile Junmyeon’s way as he scrambles to his feet and rushes back to work.

He groans the entire walk home. Junmyeon had sat him down after work to explain to him the importance of punctuality. Sure, he drowned most of it out, but still annoying nonetheless. He unlocks his door and steps inside, “I’m not a child,” he pouts.

His apartment is small, but he has a cat so it’s okay. And, just like everyday, Socks the cat is sleeping in a little furry ball, curled up on the tattered old couch his friend Taehyung gave him as a move in gift. He curls up in a similar ball around Socks and pulls his phone out to finally finish what he’d started at work. “Alright Kai, lets see you finally admit your feelings.”

The message notification is a little unexpected, no one ever messages him. And then he remembers his half-asleep, 3am message to xingie.

From xingie: Hey, thanks for the message! I’m glad you’re enjoying my fics… it’s kinda cool to get like, fan mail. I’ve actually noticed you’ve left me a few comments before so thanks for that! Hope to hear back from you!

Baekhyun stares at his phone, rereads the message a few times, and then screeches into the couch cushion. Socks gets up and gives him a dirty look before rearranging himself at the opposite end of the couch. “Sorry,” he says, then hops up to sit cross-legged. “What do I say back?” he speaks aloud, looking at his reflection in his dark tv screen. “How do I reply without sounding creepy?”

From dontcallmebacon: Wow, okay. I kinda didn’t expect you to reply to me. I figured you must get a lot of messages because your fics are so good. Um, I don’t really know what to say now. I almost sent you a message yesterday telling you I think I love you, but I didn’t. I really love your last fic, Coffee House. I’m almost finished reading it right now. I got in trouble at work today trying to read instead of working. So thats your fault lol. Anyway, thanks for replying!

He hits send without thinking and immediately regrets. “Oh my god, I’m such a fucking creeper.”

From dontcallmebacon: Also I’m sorry for how creepy that message probably came out I literally just rambled on accident. I promise I’m not usually this awkward.

After this, they end up chatting regularly. Xingie, Baekhyun learns, is actually really cool. They eventually exchange Tumblr information and begin following each other. Messaging there is just much easier, and a lot faster. Baekhyun may or may not stalk through Xingie’s blog, trying to find pictures to put a face to the name. He’s cute, he’s really cute. Like, holy hell what a time to be alive and gay, please Jesus let him be gay, kinda cute. He spends only a very reasonable hour digging deeper to find more pictures, learning his name is Yixing and that he’s not only cute but he’s sexy as hell when he wants to be. Baekhyun may or may not totally save a black and white picture of him biting his lip to his computer.

dontcallmebacon: you're a guy

xingie: i am, yes xingie: is that bad?

dontcallemebacon: no i just… i guess i was expecting like a girl. since you know… its usually girls that write fics.

xingie: i can assure you there are plenty of guys that write fics. xingie: why do you think i have such extensive knowledge of anal? lol

Baekhyun has to sit back from his computer, hands still resting on the keys as he thinks. Is that Yixing’s way of telling him he’s gay? Because well, Baekhyun’s gay. Baekhyun is very gay and Yixing is very cute. And, “No, quit that. Quit that right now.”

dontcallmebacon: youre really cute

Baekhyun mentally kicks himself, physically slams his head onto his desk. That is totally not what he was wanting to say. He hurries to try and save the situation.

dontcallmebacon: i mean like i saw a picture of yu and youre cuet not that i was like stalkinh you or antyhing dontcallmebacon: wow that makes it sound liek i WAS stalking you which i wasnt i swear!

Baekhyun waits, watching the chat box, hoping he didn’t just freak Yixing out. It feels like hours, days, years that he waits for a reply.

xingie: so basically what ur saying is you stalked my blog?

dontcallmebacon: NO! dontcallmebacon: ok yes i did but i just wanted to see what you looked like

xingie: ….you think im cuuuuuuuuute ^.^ xingie: send me a picture of you now, its only fair

Baekhyun almost spits up his drink. Yixing wants a picture of him? He quickly goes through his facebook, trying to find the cutest picture of himself he can. He chooses one and sends it and waits for a reply, playing some dumb game on Facebook to distract himself.

xingie: cute

A few months go by like this, Baekhyun regularly chatting with Yixing nearly all day and all night. Well, until he has to go to sleep before Yixing, timezones be damned. They learn a lot about each other in a short amount of time. They have a shared love for photography, food, animals and more importantly, BTS. They discover they have the same bias and ultimately decide, jokingly of course, that they must be soulmates.

Baekhyun gets in trouble more often at work now. Showing up late more days than not because he decided to stay up much too late to chat with Yixing. Spending too much time looking at his phone instead of paying attention to his work. He makes Yixing laugh when he tells him that he’s solely responsible for the new no phones policy at work.

xingie: i cant wait to meet you

Baekhyun leans back and just stares. They’ve been talking for three months now and sure, the thought of actually meeting Yixing has crossed his mind, but he never thought Yixing was thinking the same thing. He smiles to himself and runs his fingers over the keys.

dontcallmebacon: really?

xingie: uh yea duh youre fuckin awesome why wouldnt i wanna meet you?? xingie: unless ur a serial killer….. are u a serial killer???

dontcallmebacon: i feel like thats what a serial killer would say to make someone think theyre not a serial killer… dontcallmebacon: are YOU a serial killer??

xingie: i would never kill you xingie: might kiss you tho

Baekhyun feels his heart skip. His mouth falls open into a small smile as he types his response.

dontcallmebacon: you want to kiss me?

xingie: have you seen you? like youve seen how cute you are, right? xingie: id totally kiss you

dontcallmebacon: well.. i never said id let you so..

xingie: would you let me?

Baekhyun’s smile widens and he bites into his bottom lip.

dontcallmebacon: totally

Baekhyun is wheezing as he throws himself into his computer chair; it rolls sideways and he catches himself with a hand on the edge of his desk. He opens his laptop with one hand, the other holding onto the cramp in his side, and quickly signs into Tumblr. As he’s waiting for his shitty internet to do its job he tries to catch his breath. “I need to start working out, jesus christ, it was only three blocks”.

He was at work when he got the notification. BTS was announced as one of the artists in the lineup for Kcon in LA this year. He likes BTS. Yixing likes BTS. Yixing lives in LA. It was so exciting and overwhelming all he could think to do was sprint the three blocks from his work to his apartment. He needed to talk to Yixing immediately.

The site finally loads and he has seven messages. Yixing already knows, he thinks to himself. And, sure enough, he opens the chat box to see a barrage of all caps, frantic messages.

xingie: KCON xingie: BTS KCON EMRGENCY REPLY TO MEEEEEE xingie: BAEK FUKCING REPLY TO ME YOU DICKBAG xingie: BAKHYUNNNNNMNN HURRY IM DYNING xingie: BTSSSS BAEK PAY ATTENTION TO ME xingie: GOD DAMN IT BTS AT KCON IM SCREECHING AND UR IGNORING ME xingie: IF YUO DONT REPLY TO ME THIS FRIENDSAHIP IS OVERR

dontcallmebacon: I WAS AT WORK IM SRORRY!!!!!! dontcallmebacon: are you gonna go? to kcon?? BTS????

xingie: thank fuck i thought u were dead xingie: uhmmm obviously im gonna go! bts in my city omgg

dontcallmebacon: im so jealous tell hobi i love him for me

xingie: dude just fly out here xingie: FLY OUT HERE AND MEET ME AND SEE BTS OMG YESS xingie: baek u gotta

Baekhyun reads the message over and over, thinking about it. He has extra money. He has time he can take off work. Why shouldn’t he fly out to LA? He’s always wanted to go. He’d get to see BTS and kiss a cute boy. He quickly checks his bank account, looks at a calendar, and then switches back to Tumblr.

dontcallmebacon: fuck it.. im in

I’m not gonna cry. I’m not gonna cry. Baekhyun repeats this in his head as he watches his mother walk away from him. She drove him to the airport so he wouldn't have to leave his car, and now she’s leaving. He’s never flown before and he’s moderately terrified. Where does he go? What does he do with his luggage? How does he get to his plane? A large group of people wearing matching shirts passes him, chatting animatedly in a foreign language and he’s jealous. He wishes he had thirty other people around him to tell him what to do. He looks at his phone to check the time. What if he misses his plane? He begins walking faster.

It takes a little time, getting into the wrong line two separate times, but he finally figures out what he has to do. He checks his bag, gets his ticket and then, sighs. “Another line,” he whines, looking over at security. This line moves faster. Each step he takes closer he begins to panic just a little more. He wishes Yixing was awake so he could message him, but it’s like 2am in LA right now, so he’s stuck with nothing but his own thoughts. He takes another step forward, heart beating fast. He begins running through everything in his head, everything he’d packed in his carryon. What if they find something I shouldn't have and I go to airport jail, he thinks.

He makes it through security, only slightly scarred for life, and from there it’s smooth sailing.

By the time he lands in Vegas for his connecting flight he’s starving and so ready to just be in California. He sits down to eat and excitedly messages Yixing, knowing he’ll finally be up.

dontcallmebacon: im in vegas now, coolest airport ever

xingie: ahhhhhhh so close!!! xingie: im so excited ur almost heeeeere

dontcallmebacon: i knowww i just wanna get there already dontcallmebacon: also i’ll have u know i only cried a little at the airport before i left dontcallmebacon: i had a brief hour of panic but im good now

xingie: lol nice xingie: well only a couple more hours left and then you'll be here

Baekhyun notices the time across the top of his phone and his eyes widen. He shoves the rest of his food in his mouth and quickly chugs the rest of his drink.

dontcallmebacon: gotta go, plane leaves in twenty and im at the opposite end of the airport eating. dontcallmebacon: ill message you when i land in la!

When Baekhyun lands he messages Yixing like he said he would and sets off to find his bag. He realizes, pretty quickly, that he has no idea how to find his bag. He wanders aimlessly, he thinks he’s following the signs correctly; he turns around because he was going the wrong way, but finally, he finds baggage claim.

He drags his bag behind him to wait outside. And then, he gets nervous. What if he’s awkward? What if Yixing doesn’t like him? What if Yixing isn't really coming and this was just a big elaborate joke and now he’s stranded all alone in California? He shakes his head, knowing he’s just being dramatic. A black car slows and stops in front of him, he gulps. Yixing steps out, tall, handsome, exactly how Baekhyun pictured him. He lets out a weird breathy chuckle as Yixing steps up to him, a little dimple in his cheek as he smiles.

“Hi.”

Baekhyun licks his lips, his mouth is dry. “Hi.”

Yixing smiles again, looks from Baekhyun’s face to his bag. “You want me to take your—“

“Kiss!”

Yixing’s eyebrows raise, his mouth forms a little ‘o’. “What?”

“Kiss,” Baekhyun repeats, physically unable to stop the word vomit. “Kiss me.”

Yixing’s lips twitch, trying to keep the smile from forming. He grabs Baekhyun’s bag and tosses it into the trunk of his car, turning back to Baekhyun after. He laughs and ruffles Baekhyun’s hair playfully. Baekhyun’s heart stops when Yixing leans forward, lips pursed, and presses their lips together quickly.

“Welcome to California,” Yixing says with a laugh as he walks to the driver’s side and opens the door. “And, nice to finally meet you.”

Baekhyun stares with his mouth open as Yixing gets into the car. He licks his lips and lets out an awkward laugh. The window rolls down and Yixing leans over, hand pulling the handle to push open the door. “You coming?”

Baekhyun smiles and nods, pulls the door open and gets in. He looks at Yixing with a bright smile as he buckles, “Lets do this.”

@seonweon-sonyeondan for you. looooooove you 

[hi-imalex]

broken thoughts

Time passed, much in the act of coloring leaves that broke away from their homes and fluttered down to the earth, curling tightly into itself to shield from the harsh impact upon the dampening floor, a final leap before they meet the end of their era.

And much like the once flourished trees, her mind also began to lose its leaves, ones that held hope for a changing future, for thoughts that would alter from her previous diary entries that marked harsh and dreadful feelings over the earth shattering events that rocked through her core. With time, there was hope that the tree of hope, would survive. As the season affected the environment surrounding her and turning it bitter and cold, so did the sweet branches in her mind begin to shrivel and shrink.

Everyone that walked her way held a smile as she met them with one reflecting right back, almost as if to mirror what they wanted to perceive. Maybe at first it was genuine, maybe they’d fed her enough words to spark a tiny flame of hope within her troubled mind.. But soon it was snuffed out, the crashing waves of stress and screams of her demons drowned out any words that dared to enter from the outside world, so it became a mirror, a simple reflection back to anyone so they wouldn’t question.

Because now as time has grown, the delicate acts of caring for the young has become robotic motor memory, shrinking more and more within her core shelter as the days stretched on. Since the last time her fingers danced dangerously across the blank canvas of a page, she held an objective of rejection. That her mental state was too unweary for the feat she had to accomplish, and at the end of the story she was left with two very destructive answers; whether to speak her truth and go along the path her heart most seeked, alone, or to suck in her words and shelve them all along the backside of her memory box and do as the people around her pelted her to do so without causing them such heartbreaking harm. Latter, she chose, almost in hopes of following the term “fake it till you become it.” and it came towards the end of the summering season, so the soft tree that tried to bloom in her brain from their words did have time to flourish… slightly.. But now that the air grows colder and the nights grow longer, consuming the sun like a starved animal… the realization of failure has just became more and more pronounced, the roots began to shrivel and die which only put more toxins coursing through her bloodstream.

Still as the moment she awake, her limbs were met with such an ache that left her gasping for breath and craving to stay in bed all day. Those thoughts would only last momentarily, only to be met with the insistent wailing of the world around her, screaming orders till it pushed her out of bed and into the motions of coming day. She still felt as though she held no more control of her body, not that she had much of a grip to begin with, but now it was as if her body was not hers anymore, but simply a maid for someone else, a slave to a “greater”cause. People would always talk on how she should be doing this better or how she’ll never be able to get a moment to herself anymore because of the coming trials that’ll last for her entire existence. They plead she seek out the mental help, not for herself, but for the things she has been forced to take care of and take responsibility for, and so she's grown excessively more bitter at them, resentment building in her chest each time she has been asked. No one really fucking cares about her anymore, not that they did to begin with prior, but for years she could handle the fact that though she tried to get anyone to understand the battles she had to face and overcome every single day… now? Now she speaks of it and people jump to their feet in worry, the very same ones that called her a storytelling liar for her outlandish tales of a fake illness. But coming to the sweet garden she was given to cater to and try to grow, it’s like now people figured she mattered, not for her own life, but for the one she was told to nurture.

It was all fake, all of the sweet kind words whispered against her scarred skin were nothing but fitful liars said to cure those of a guilty heart, most coming from mere strangers she thought. They held no sustainable meaning, no more that the stupid fluff language they use as filler in storytelling, it never held any meaning. They thought they were helping her, allowing her to be open about the endless struggles of her mind against her body, providing the help she desperately needed… only many years prior. In the end, they were wrong. It was not helping, it was doing quite the opposite and feeding the dark storms in her tired brain, spitting out the harsh truth of her unimportance, only relevant when it came to another life, one which was already much more important and worth of the attention of millions.

Dark skies churned the dark waves with aggression, so it grew rather than shrank.

jdskgasdhfajsljdlUlkjsdlJASkjf asjkdfas FUCKING FUCK

I can never keep one idea in my head long enough to be able to type it all out, the image only fleeting. The thoughts brew and spin as if casted into a hurricane, whipping around inside the empty space above my shoulders. Only allowing certain trails of thought hit the surface of the raging storm for a few quick moments before being yanked back down and around in the flurry that engulfs my head on the daily. If only there was the ability to put a device against your temples and it strip the thoughts in the mind and print them out on a piece of paper, even if its in a ginormous mess against the page, it's a way to attempt to explain it to the fullest extent. Even with the need to decipher it would be more accurate than the measly words my sluggish fingers are able to scramble to type against the laptop even though the right words never seem to flow properly and each line gets repeated and then deleted in frustration of not being good enough to leave on the page, even if no other human eyes will ever cast upon this disappointment of a page, and disappointment of a writer.

Failure in all acts, i can no longer express myself in the way a writer should, nothing more than tangents that go on until they spiral down into complete nonsense, much like this very run on sentence.

Skdjfasdf fuck  

I don't know exactly how to portray the words the right way to explain the weight i feel both heavy on my brain and hard on my heart. I thought with time the harsh thoughts that had clouded my judgement would fade but as the clock ticks longer and longer from the starting time I fear that it would not dissipate. People keep telling me that I look so much better, that i am handling things much smoother and that i’ve fallen into the roll im supposed to be. But I’m not, I’ve simply just fallen in a pattern. Wake up, work, go to work, come home and work, go to bed, and repeat. It’s exceptionally taxing on both my mind and my body as the days grow longer into the deafening night.

Do I say it? I hate worrying people, especially lately because if I say anything out of line then it's like I’m drowning, they all come in crashing like harsh waves against a teetering boat, and i'm left gasping for air as they attempt to shove their own advice down my shrinking throat. I mean, they’re only doing it for I don’t fail as a mother, so she can flourish more than I ever really could.

Blah blah blah writing this doesn't even matter anymore, no one will ever lay their eyes on these horribly put together words. What was once a comfort doesn’t seem to give me the same ease as it did before.

I’m a failure as a daughter, having a kid too young and never excelling as that of which i should, much like my two fellow sisters did and proven such a proud nature from both of my parents. I barely could leave the nest and now i desperately wish they would let me fall back into the sweet safe haven I once knew, but i know i am not worthy, i never was.

I'm a failure as a lover, i never seem to do quite enough to full satisfy. Whether it's with my body, my mind, or with my heart beating of love.. I don't feel like i quite fulfill what all i feel necessary. I bring such a life altering thing that wasn’t asked for, that's rather troubling to everyone's’ minds. Never much for a outgoing nature that leaves them craving adventure and outlandish trips that fizzle out into the wind once the words leave their beautiful lips because my heart flutters and plummets to the floor at any mention of something out of the norm, anything that could challenge the harsh words that control in the mind. My mind is too sick, too twisted for someone to try to see through all the vivisious vines… it’ll only hurt them. I falter in support and trying my best to make best by them.. There's much easier stories that could be followed with ease and without torment in other earthly bodies.

I'm a failure as a mother, as the smallest things send a rage flowing through my body in such an alarming rate it springs from my fingertips like sparks of fire just licking to start a forest fire. Though words make it sound extreme, reality is just an irritation that the mind dramatizes and overanalyzes to the point of guilt and self loathing over the mere idea of feeling such a way at an innocent little stem. I do never enough, nothing i can muster the ability to do it remotely enough to grow anything, and when offered help i can't take it because i’m already faltering and falling behind, i don't want other people to notice and try to take what little i have away more me. Pathetic and lack luster is what kind of a mother i’ll ever be able to be.

Why must they all be doomed to a life with me..

I'm sad, so what. I’ve been sad for so long i’ve forgotten what it felt like to feel anything different from the gentle cold ache radiating from the middle of my chest. Now it feels muted, but i think it’s just because as the time grows and the stress mingles with the anxiety it’s made me more accustomed to the feelings, the sensations grow less and less intense to my senses.  

I want to die. But then again i’ve been saying that since i was the mere age of twelve. And even with that im pathetic, no one really takes it seriously when i speak of times of failure, where i cant even kill myself properly, without fucking it up. Life is not how i want it, i still struggle to accept it.. We’ll see how the battle continue to rage on.

Though be being sad also brings me anger for reactions I have received, especially from those i held very closely. Yes i am aware i have a child to care for and raise, but do not continue to use her to guilt me into staying alive, saying that i HAVE to for her, its showing that in your heart you hold an importance above that of my own life to live for myself, and that it holds no value over that of raising her. I understand she may need me, or a mother figure, but i need help, i need to be listened to and not judged, but instead im meet with backlash on how could i become such a selfish person. I'm not, im desperate and those just add to the mountains of self loathing that piles onto my thinning shoulders, and continue to add to my demise. Care for me, for me, not for that of others… you just make matters worse.