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#maybe this was really unhealthy
bibleofficial · 1 year
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idk what my father thought the take-away would be by taking my brother & i downtown to look at homeless people every holiday and birthday growing up was. like all it’s turned into was ‘communism = good’ & 🤝 like 😭😭
#diary#‘rhat could easily be u one day’ ‘one accident is all it takes’ then to the -> ‘we will kick u out if u do something we don’t like’ -> im#poor & therefore the poor is me ALSKALSKALKSLAKS#like idk. i mean i’ve been thinking abt it so much like how things could’ve been different if only money weren’t a problem#like yea he grew up basically homeless so i understand what his point ? was i guess ? but idk like the looming ‘u can be kicked out’ had#been held over me since i realized my faggotry at like 7/8 like ALSKALSKALSKLAKS#i didn’t have money ? i was a child ? i couldn’t afford things ? but also the money i did have was from work i’d do around the house or#whatever like if we got birthday money like 80% would go into a savings account but i didn’t have access to that account until i turned like#17 so like still its not like it was MY money - all my money was what i had or what i could hide or stash like#the HOARDING#JUST IN CASE I GOT FOUND OUT#maybe this was really unhealthy#but REGARDLESS it’s like ok idk the class solidarity but HE doesn’t like the homeless now bc he’s a crotchety old man that was a child of#neoliberal capitalism so i mean yea idk i get it but MY generation like my brother & i - or at least I REALIZED THIS - but like the flourish#that my father received from the economy he came of age into is NOT being passed along to me like im just floundering i keep thinking abt#money like im so fucking stressed all the time abt MONEY like i RESENT it so much like i WISH i could’ve been born into wealth like just#be NORMAL have a NORMAL college like be able to GET A LOAN at ALL for school loans but#like even if i COULD get a loan it’s not like i’d be able to PAY IT BACK !!!!! like oh my god ? & then who’d end up having to figure out how#to pay it back ? my family bc .. gov gon get their money somehow & i can’t do that even if i DID get kicked out like#im just so envious of the wealthy; those who could pay their way - or get it covered#like literally ‘what’re u going to do :)’ bro i don’t FUCKING KNOW DO U HAVE MONEY FOR ME TO DO ANYTHING ? BC WORKING FOR 30K/YEAR IS MORE#like time available to look for Real work vs Working at Work like it’s MORE affordable to NOT work#what’s the POINT if fucking WALMART pays MORE THAN A DEGREED REQUIREMENT#like 😭😭😭😭😭#cost of living crisis ever rising#like ok let’s just#im going to light things on fire
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eebie · 2 months
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mckinlily · 6 months
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One of my favorite things about writing Shiro is I can always, always make him kind.
He’s not perfect or flawless, but if I need him to be gentle, he will be. If he needs to be patient, compassionate, soft, anything, I can always write him that way.
What’s more is his kindness is not weak. If he needs to be brave enough to say “I love you”. To say “I’m sorry.” To put aside his own anger or hurt or pride to help someone else. To take a hard look at himself and decide he needs to change—He will do that.
If he has to brutally fight someone to protect the innocent, he’ll do that too.
Shiro’s kindness is not always the same what is nice. More often than not, it requires an incredible amount of determination and bravery to be possible. But he will always find that strength when he has to.
Don’t get me wrong, I love me some deeply flawed, messed up, mean characters. Variety is good in your diet.
But there’s also something so unique and refreshing about Shiro. He’s fierce enough to fight god and gentle enough to soothe a child. He has the confidence to lead the scared and the weak, but none of the ego to domineer over them. He cares and he tries and he tries, and even at his worst, he’s still kind.
I just—I just really love Takashi Shirogane, ok?
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moeblob · 1 month
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Deacon loves two things: Ymber and digging himself a grave.
Fulj hates one thing: Deacon.
#my characters#waiting on some info on the next commission so i indulged in ocs today bc i doubt i will have as much time for lil comics for a bit#deacon is so devoted hes like yeah i would kill for a deity that could easily kill anything himself but yknow teehee#and fulj just did you tell him you needed therapy also does he even know youd murder in his name#deacon caught red handed haha no of course i havent told him it should be obvious enough haha.... and its in his defense not his name :c#man really does have some issues but i love him so much and hes so devoted but like. unhealthily after a while#he does in fact need a chill pill and therapy but to be fair#ymber has needed therapy for centuries and yet he just bottles it all up and suffers so#its pretty unhealthy until they yell at each other one (1) time bc they are so insecure about things and get mad over very valid reasons#but then theyre like you know what that was necessary and i still want to stay by your side if you let me#and then fulj is like dude hey sorry you seem really happy did you fu- and ymber is like no please stop there we have not#fulj just squinting cause have not is very different than will not but whatever she doesnt wanna think about that with deacon involved ew#and eventually fulj is like hey ymber im sorry to say but i really do hate deacon and i dont even know why but he makes me uncomfortable#while deacon is just. in the room. hearing this and thinking how he knows she thinks hes weird but wow that wording hurts#and ymber doesnt wanna fill in memories better forgotten by fulj which she had forcefully removed#so he just says oh well his hair and clothing are black and you had someone in the past that you might see in him and its not a pleasant en#so you know maybe its that idk#and fulj is then WHATST i was rude to him for someone i cant even remember? lame im gonna try SO HARD to be nice to him now#and deacon just still sitting there with some food like this is v awkward and i wish i could not be here for it#and later he asks ymber about who he resembled and as ymber is descibing her it clicks in deacons head and he gets really sad#that he might somehow remind fulj of the woman she loved before she was punished for loving a mortal#and he feels kinda bad pestering her so much with his curiosities about deities and he kinda gets it#the fact hes close to ymber might remind her at the core that she was once that close with a mortal if not closer#anyway story time in the tags again#im so obsessed with these peeps and i have made them suffer so much but they do all end on a happy note#its still funny and nice to me that while fulj is creeped out by deacon and doesnt like talking to him#he still expresses the most emotions to her - he tries hard to remain serious around ymber and collected and obedient at all times#and when out and about with ymber he has to be intimidating and refuses smiling but fulj?? all sunshine and smiles and emotions easy to rea#and she is just that is so weird go away i hate you
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darlingcloudie-9 · 12 days
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Live laugh love Kumonoue & Yuichiro’s straining relationship 💕
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seariii · 4 months
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Ive come to take you out for dinner to get away from any stress!! ill be waiting while you pick something from the menu :3 (you need to tell me what ur favourite is btw...)
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(rat is being held against their will also i hope i drew you alright)
Wait I'm tearing up- wait I'm actually tearing up-
I... thank you, this is incredibly sweet, it's... I don't really have words, just thank you... really thank you, I love you a lot
My favorite food.... hmm... anything with pasta... or maybe stake with um entomatadas? .... or um... I like mashed potatoes as a side... but all of those together would make for a weird meal heh I'm not sure I have a favorite food...
But I have a favorite desert! Lemon pie! And I also love drinks with boba/tapioca, especially chocolate smoothies with boba!
Also, do you think we will actually survive with @thatbiblicallyaccuraterat as our chef? /lh
Hehehe... thank you... this made me really soft, it's such a sweet and nice surprise... thank you
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good-beanswrites · 6 months
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🎬: Please do not remind me Kazui and Kotoko didn't get their songs covered by Es 😭 It was such a disservice. I'm gonna just chalk it up to Kazui's voice is so deep that Es couldn't sing it properly and by the time Kotoko's MV was shown to them, the first trial ended before they could even sing it.
Or, y'know. Your AU, so Es did cover their songs too.
Also another thing for post-MILGRAM hangout where Es joins in too...KARAOKE (didn't Milgram have some sort of karaoke-related event running earlier?) Or maybe they have their own karaoke party at someone's home (I know someone has a karaoke set at home!), so they sing their songs and encourage Es to sing too...and pleeeeease sing "half" and "harrow" too (this will lead to Es finding out they've been eavesdropping on their singing. Hey!). Bonus that Deco's song is such a bop in the AU that everyone sings the songs they covered.
...my train of thought is still running, but I just imagined this AU's Milgram allowed everyone to gradually accept their faults that almost led them to their crime. Soooo Mahiru is still just as sweet, BUT rocks it when she sings "Psychogram". Also Amane, I like to imagine at this point she can be a bit more of a kid (I can dream!), so she's sort of bouncing around when she sings "Positive Parade" and "Animal" while the girls dance with her.
But with that said, I hope we'll get more Es' song covers! Or at the very least make up for "half" and "harrow"...and c'mon, Es didn't get to sing at all this trial. What gives?!
RIP I know 😭 I'm hoping we'll get a bunch of covers to fill the trial hiatus, and that they'll start with those two!! I know some people were worried that they would never get covers because they didn't reach 1M before the trial closed, but I think that's an oddly unfair requirement for the later prisoners. So I'm confident we'll get them at some point!
Kotoko's does make a bit more sense -- it was right at the end of the trial, and there wasn't much too break down in the lyrics because she was very forthcoming with information/intention. And I like that explanation for Kazui's! Es was intimidated by his voice and didn't want to do it an injustice by singing it poorly. Maybe Kazui makes a snide comment that they would have actually understood his crime better if they'd studied/sang his lyrics like the others' 😅
And I love the post-Milgram thoughts! Given Yuno's mvs and her written response about liking karaoke, I can definitely see her taking everyone out to her favorite karaoke spot. I like that too because the covers were kind of an indulgent inclusion of mine -- I knew they didn't quite fit in during the trial hiatus but I really wanted it to happen asdfdsn. Like, I know Amane wouldn't do frivolous things, and Kotoko/Shidou/Kazui would try to take the situation seriously and not play around. But if it's all after the experiment... >:3
Thank you 🎬! I'm keeping my fingers crossed for those covers soon 😤🤞
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disasterpenguin · 6 months
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Anyways Dean loved Cas too, the song Watchin' Over Me proves it 😤
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bunnihearted · 4 months
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📓🕯️🐇🖤pt.2
#only 30 tags lol i ran out... so furthermore#we only get one life. im gonna try as much as i can to enjoy the little moments. nd to not give up on myself nd my life#i will die one day anyway. why rush it. i'll enjoy as many books and as many walks and songs and tv shows as possible#if i get a loan nd have more money i wanna bleach my hair nd dye my hair green#and later this year i think i might change my name#it was the name i wanted to change to from the beginning. but i was in such a bad headspace i just picked eden at random#i do kinda like it now nd im attached to it but i more feel like this other name actually is me. my birth name nd my current name dont feel#really right. so maybe. i havent decided yet. like i rlly dont know. im also attached to this name for some other reason. like it's who i am#to a person i rlly like and if i change... will i be anything to them? i cant put it into words but that makes me hesitate#but it's unhealthy to stay attached to someone i cant truly have even if i want to. so i mean. idk im just weird abt it#but i do kinda wanna change my name (to embla. my mom wanted to give me that name but my dad was like nooo >.<) i am not 100% sure tho so#when i've been getting used to going to school nd working out at the gym. nd after my surgery nd i have more energy#i will try to face my avpd and try apps for making friends. there r two apps where u can find new girl friends!! maybe i can try that#also like i've never tried apps but i think maaaaaybe i can use bumble to try to find friends and women to date. potentially. idk.....#rn it's hard for me to think in those terms bc. i mean i am hung up on someone!!!! i cant evwn imagine dating or being intimate w anyone els#sometimes i feel like.. they're the only person i've ever felt like it'd even be possible. who i'd event want to do that w#not only physically but emotionally. so ig it's even harder to let go bc im so scared i will never feel like that w anyone else#but i rlly need to try to make the most of whatever life i have. the world will collapse soon anyway#that makes me even more sad that i cant be w who i wanna be w nd do what i wanna do but#all pain will all be completely descimated eventually. it's not forever bc life isnt forever#i've just never felt this before. like i want smth to be real so bad but if it happened once surely it can happen again? right?#i wont spend my life alone without intimacy and love and comfort nd support nd understanding right???? :o hope not#im still so sad nd exhausted rn. nothing in my life is working nd theres no repreive nd no help#it gets sooo hard to endure everything sometimes when everything just keeps piling up and gets so heavy it feels like im drowning#nd atm i dont feel like i have any anchor. nothing that keeps me grounded nd im just floating away nd im constantly being overwhelmed by my#feelings nd emotions. im like a stupid little kid who dont understand how to handle what im feeling. or make rational decisions#i feel so ... stupid and useless. i dont know what im doing. i have no idea. i have no compass. its so scary
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defness · 3 months
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→ drawing the same pose over and over again and feels cringe
→ realizes that these drawings are simply pre-ref drawings to figure out one's design so I can Draw Them
→ no longer feels cringe
#jic ur wondering why all of them are drawn w that same arms out legs semi open pose#do i obsessively worry about this to an unhealthy degree? yeah#do people not verbally tell me that seeing me draw the same pose over and over again is Boring or Lame or stupid or smth? yes but i get#like. stupidly anxious and start thinking about things like that which i obviously know probably isn't the case and that in actuality#no one cares about how i draw more than i do#but it's still difficult not to ruminate on thoughts of people subconsciously rolling their eyes at my art because its so plain and boring#and static and stiff and it doesnt feel lively and dynamic like the artists i aspire to be like#but then i also remember im only just starting my art journey. by this year I'll only have been drawing for 4 years. 4 YEARS.#which seems like alot honestly? especially w the progress I've made#but most; if not everyone who isn't me have spent 7+ YEARS of drawing and i remind myself that. oh#yeah! im on the same path they were#maybe they had the same issues i did#but ill get through it :) i want to experiment more this year w my art#i say that but i need to COMMIT#i need to commit. to actually put in effort to learn posing and perspective instead of trying to lazily scrawl color on a digital canvas#but it all seems so daunting#but; you know; in time it'll come. seeing the difference only a few months has done to my art is also truly refreshing#it lets me know that im still learning and improving my technique and that really helps iron out any anxieties i have.#sorry this got super rambly super quickly lol
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heatheroic · 8 months
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when will tumblr staff understand that we are on this website because we like it!!! as it is!!! you don't need to keep making weird ass changes to it to try to make it new and exciting!!! tumblr has always been a website that has naturally attracted people BECAUSE it's different, not in spite of it. assimilation to the status quo is fucking stupid. we like our weird website, please stop trying to take it away from us.
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tardis--dreams · 12 days
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Some of those doctors make hating oat milk their entire personality. I hate them. Cannot pretend to find them funny or like i give a shit. Fucking pretentious assholes
#also my colleague (the girl i had my shift with) is the exact opposite of me in all aspects. asked me if I'd ever worked in customer service#because i couldn't care less about being fake friendly to assholes and don't care if they like the service or not#like bitch those people don't have any other choice but drink our fucking coffee it's not like I'm competing with anyone#or like they pay us in any way. i get paid for doing the dumb work i have to do not for stroking some dumb ass doctors' egos#they come out of their rooms once an hour to get coffee and we have the cups on the table and i wouldn't even Think of#HANDING them the cups and smiling sweetly at them and asking 'coffee? tea?? :))'#I'll just assume these grown adults will get their stupid coffee or tea when they want some. it's not like they don't know where it is#(and i AM friendly and smile when someone is coming in our direction but why the fuck do you need to get so disgustingly friendly with them#if someone held up a cup asking if i.want some coffee I'd leave immediately even if i came just for coffee. it's creepy)#anyway. she's nice. I'm not.#there's normal people who will get their coffee and maybe ask if the milk in the little jug is cow milk to which I'll happily reply 'yes#:)'. then there's the other people who see the oat milk and make it clear they are the most insufferable people on the planet#(and i pity their patients so much. not much to choose from i guess but if i had that as a doctor I'd happily just die)#like everyone who took oatmilk could do it without making a fuss about the cow milk on the table. the cow milk lovers could never#'the oat milk is in front of the actual milk. this is unacceptable. i hate such healthy bullshit' lol okay#'OAT milk?? I'll leave this to the horses! THANK GOD you have actual milk!'#my favorite was the one who really took personal offense with its sheer presence. as if it had killed half of his patients lmao#'we had 50 patients with xyz problem. ALL of them drink oat milk. they cannot see the connection. it's really unhealthy'#at this point i just said i didn't care and stopped paying attention and he started complaining to his doctor colleague about how#oat milk is advertised to be healthy and how it's actually the opposite and i just find that very funny compared to the first comment#from that one guy who doesn't like such healthy bullshit. you guys need to find a consensus on the oatmilk issue i think. no one takes you#seriously if you contradict yourself like this. also i couldn't care less about the healthiness of the milk alternative of my choice. bitch.#next week I'll end up killing someone. i hope they all die from their cow milk. (but not the ones who took cow milk and didn't say anything#about the oat milk. they can continue living as they didn't annoy me)#void screams#some of these doctors were actually quite nice (most of them even). one even brought an applicant to us telling her to get some coffee#(which we are not allowed to give to applicants. but i don't care. I'd rather they get something than some of the asshole jury members#who hate oat milk (which is not the issue. the issue is them making it everybody else's issue that they don't like oat milk))
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bittersweetresilience · 4 months
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i'm not really one to post snippets but... you know, since i'm unlikely to publish any of this anyway... i was going back through my fics and i am thoroughly charmed by how much i forgot i wrote. in about two minutes i'm going to forget i'm a fine writer and i enjoy my work again but for now i'm riding the high... such is life
#i'm particularly pleased with the second one because i remember writing the entire fic in a twenty minute sprint and assuming it sucked and#never looking at it again. but it's fine surprisingly. third one is the same i got a lot done that day#having a lot of writing experience is really just accumulating a bunch of similes and metaphors you can whip out easily and knowing how to#balance action narration internal external observation feeling without thinking. maybe writing poetry helps. i really like rhythm and flow#and making sentences end in a way where if you read them aloud it's almost like they're rhyming#i'm not trying to praise myself i'm just thinking#but you know what? i should praise myself. good job sunny#you did it. you're happy with your work again. you stopped having the crazy unhealthy social media feelings#you are comfortable with yourself even with everything that's happened and everything you're still afraid of a little bit#and you never stopped writing about murder and insane unshowable things 🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏#everything is going to be okay i love ME and AUTUMN and MOONIE#wow i'm really just rambling to myself in the tags of a post where i feel good about myself 🤣 how cringe. how silly#but i will be cringe forever and weird and shedding the skin of my shame 😌#i'm also listening to kurzgesagt soundtracks right now and thinking about the vastness of the universe#and how small i am and how none of this really matters and yet it's so beautiful and that just has me feeling some kind of way#🌃#miraculous ladybug#ml fanfic
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thefirstvessel · 9 months
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I have always believed the House to be a metaphor for trauma and I've always believed that Navidson surviving at the end is him finally coming to terms with Delial and his role in it and being able to finally move on in life in a healthy way.
Yes, he's irreparably changed and not necessarily for the better, but he's finally able to not be held down by his past anymore.
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ghostbeam · 6 months
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I have a question: do u guys have any fics that u feel like the reader and whatever character u were writing for don’t end up together after the fic is over🎤🎤🎤
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puppyeared · 1 year
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uhh. uhhhhh
#realistically i knw that if i went thru with making animatics for all of these songs I think my hand would fall off BUT. i have brainrot#half of these songs are either here bc of the vibe or because i listened to the lyrics and read analyses and put 2 much effort than i had t#ALSO LISTEN. LISTEN BODYBAG IS EXACTLY EVERYTHING I IMAGINE WHENEVER I THINK OF WUKONG AND MACAQUES RELATIONSHIP OK#two birds and baby hotline is also kind of self explanatory. although most of the jack stauber songs are mostly for vibe#bitter water is a very specific flavor of pining / unhealthy outlook. kind of has like an insatiable vibe to it but idk how to name it#i want soap to be a healing song but maybe im just being optimistic. im here for the vibes although i feel like if swk and macaque were#actually to make up i think they would go into it kicking and screaming. and im frustrated because i cant find a song to match that#except maybe bodybag which AGAIN. THEY ARE SO FUCKING STUPID THATS HOW THEYRE GONNA HEALL FLYING BARK PLS#what if it doesnt end well also feels like a doomed narrative to me. like if you think about it from how their relationship might have st#started (and im probably taking from how everyone romanticizes their relationship as something really innocent or sweet at the start which#i am also not immune to that). but knowing them it is also a very good possibility thats not the case at all. what it is i dont know#primadonna also strikes me as a swk song but like msotly because he serves cunt. on that note I like to imagine rose colored boy as swk to#MK.BECAUSEEE i love how MK brings out the best in people AND AND AND!! 5000 year old immortal who has seen some shit come on people 'and i#have taken my glasses off' COME ON LOOK ATIT. you could also argue that could be macaque to MK and it would make sense#Spotify#Lego Monkie kid#lmk#yapping#playlist#monkie kid
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