#maybe this way we could make this stuff better for future students

[tqmies]

In Disguise

Description. Desperate and broke, your trio of nerdy friends offer you a place to stay until you get back on your feet. Things are normal at first until you abruptly come across a camera tripod facing Doyoung's bed. Were your awkward friends really just camboy's in disguise?

Pairing. Kim Doyoung x Yuta Nakamoto x Kim Jungwoo x Fem Reader

Genre. SMUT, Camboy!AU, College!AU, Roomates! MDNI!

Warnings. Foursome (Do I even have to say it?), Unrealistic depictions of sex overall, A little MxM action, Fingering, Oral, Condoms taken off, Plan B mentioned, Voyeurism, Creampie, Degradation, Praise

Word count. 13K (oh...)

Note: This was supposed to be out ages ago but I'm proud (not rlly) to present this mess of a wet dream!

"You have no idea how grateful I really am." You state, placing down your last box into the vacant room. You sigh in relief as your back was literally killing you too much to drag another box up. And that was that the boys had helped you with a majority of it.

"You've said it a million times, I think we know." Yuta teases, opening the box on your bed as he shuffles through it. It was old books you had brought from your place, well a few of the tons you had. Most of them had to go into storage due to lack of room at your newest living arrangement.

Truthfully, you felt really bad about this whole thing, even though Yuta kept assuring you it was alright, all the boys did. But something felt terrible about rooming with your friends for free, and kicking Yuta out of his room at that.

The boys didn't want you to feel weird about sharing a room, so Yuta slept in the same room as Jungwoo for the time being, and that made you feel even worse.

"You can have your room back, I promise I can sleep on the couch."

"Then where would you put your stuff?"

And you had pretty much lost the argument then and there, but you were determined to make up for rent in other ways. You'd clean, do laundry, and cook a few of the meals you had mastered. You could buy groceries and maybe even pay the water bill every once in a while. Not that you planned to stay here for long, only until you found another job, seeing as the one you had rapidly started laying people off.

Which brought you back to square one, Yuta’s bed.

Not like that, get your mind out of the gutter!

"I'm home!" Jungwoo announces as you hear the front door shut, his loudness already alerting you. You heard the loud clank of his keys on the counter, and his footsteps making their way towards you.

"We just finished bringing all the boxes up." Doyoung comments, giving Jungwoo a much deserved side eye.

"Oh I made it just in time then."

Jungwoo came bearing gifts though, handing out bottles of water to you guys. "I got them from one of the tents on campus, here's a shirt too!"

And before you know it, you're being hit in the head with the shirt Jungwoo threw at your face. You throw it off as you jokingly threaten him. "I'm going to crack your glasses in half Kim Jungwoo."

The male cowers in fear as he scurries off to his room, shouting behind his shoulder. "Do you guys wanna see what I'm working on?"

Doyoung jumps up, always eager to divulge in Jungwoo's nerdy projects. "Sure."

"I'm designing a supersonic VTOL fighter jet!" The engineering major says, lugging his laptop towards you all, showing you some prints on his screen. They're blueprints and sketches, and random little notes on the side, but you really can barely tell what you're looking at.

It's not that you were dumb, you were actually a very decent student. But the men in the room with you? Jungwoo was a mechanical engineering major, which said enough. Yuta was pre-med studying to be a doctor, and Doyoung? He's here on a full ride scholarship studying computer science.

So, for lack of better words, you were the dumbest in the room.

Not that you cared anyways, the boys never made you feel less than or anything because of your simple major. You also took pride in it, sure you weren't designing future airplanes or developing software, but it was enough for you.

"Looks cool, but you should widen the wingspan, I see possible blockage through the-" Doyoung starts on with his commentary.

"Yuta! Do you want to help me start cooking?" You ask, the male seemingly uninterested in the plane, and you could relate. He nods and follows you to the kitchen, adjusting his frames.

After checking their fridge for ideas, you start filling a pot with water to boil some pasta in, directing Yuta to start chopping up some garlic. He follows directions well, as one would expect, and does as he's told.

"How did your mid-term go?" Yuta breaks the silence, referring to the grueling test he had helped you with.

"Fine, I got an 80." You reply, measuring out more pasta.

Yuta raises a brow as he places the knife down. "An 80? But we studied all week."

"Yeah but some of the questions were hard, I didn't remember." You say, and you were truly satisfied with your grade. Sure you had studied, but not everyone retained information as easily as your friends, and they were still having trouble learning that you weren't going to get a 100 points every time.

Yes the boys had extreme book smarts, but they lacked a little street smarts sometimes. They were less empathetic and more clear cut, but you knew they meant well. Though it didn't mean their lack of social cues hurt any less though.

Sometimes you wonder how you had even befriended them. Especially Doyoung, who was usually no nonsense and short worded on campus. But it could all be traced back to Jungwoo.

It was back in freshman year, and on your very first day of class. You had rushed in, confused to see that they had already started without you, which was weird seeing as your class wasn't supposed to be in session for another thirty minutes. You had just waved it off as an accident and sat down, right next to Jungwoo.

During a break, he had introduced himself and asked you if you were excited for Math 2414, and inquired about what your major was.

That was when you realized in horror that you were in Calculus, and not Pre-calculus. No wonder they had already begun, it was the wrong class! And you were not trying to take anything beyond what was required for your degree. "So this isn't pre-calculus?"

"No, I took that in high school! You didn't get that out of the way already?" He had asked, and just then did you realize what kind of person you were dealing with.

You had explained the situation to Jungwoo to which he was really understanding, offering to show you your actual classroom for your next class day. You had agreed, and then by some coincidence, you had run into Jungwoo a few days later. Catching up with him and mentioning you were having trouble with a certain concept already, to which he had offered his help.

You had started having sessions regularly, and Jungwoo had invited you to study with his group of friends, which is where you met the others.

Despite them being a little intimidated by you (And vice versa), you had all got along well, and you were thankful for that. Despite not having great social skills, they were actually a lot less complicated to deal with. They spent a majority of their time studying or doing school work, burying their noses in books. And if not? Then they're playing a computer game Doyoung designed, or testing if Jungwoo's rocket model could fly in the middle of a JCPenny parking lot.

They didn't have a lot of drama either, and you were sure they'd be simple enough to live with. Come to think of it, it's always been tidy whenever you've visited. Jungwoo's bed was always made and Doyoung's desk always clean. Yuta's was exceptionally organized too, even donning some expensive looking anime figures in displays on his shelf.

They were such nerds.

You snort to yourself as you pour the sauce onto the plates, food ready to be eaten. Funny enough, you hadn't even had to call the boys. Yuta had helped you but Doyoung and Jungwoo had hounded the kitchen counter and talked your ear off, both excited for a home cooked meal. Apparently, none of them could cook very well and they usually opted for take out, so this was a relief.

"You guys literally had all the ingredients already." You giggled as you sat down on the small table they had in their apartment.

Jungwoo shakes his head. "Doesn't matter if you don't know how to make anything out of them."

"Thank you by the way, this is really good." Doyoung nods, and by the way he scarfed down half of it already, you'd say he's telling the truth.

"Slow down, you'll choke." Yuta says concerned before his expression changes into a different one. "Wait, you should choke! I can finally practice my CPR on a real person!"

"Well if you haven't practiced on a human yet, I don't think I can trust you." Doyoung shoots him a glare.

"You're hindering my first-aid progression." Yuta narrows his eyes as he takes a bite of his food. The air grows quiet as you voice out what had been weighing on your mind.

"So, any plans for tonight?" You ask, wondering what you're going to get up to a Saturday night. You had a long week, especially since you had woken up on Monday to an eviction notice, so you'd say you could use some time out.

"Hm? Probably start looking over my lobotomy notes for my lecture next week." Yuta responds, earning a chorus of acknowledgment from the other males.

"O-okay, Doyoung?" You ask, but you think you can already guess too.

"I'm beta testing this program my friend just finished, probably'll take me all night." He speaks, attention on his food.

You deflate, looking towards Jungwoo. "Nice, and you?"

"Putting my blueprints into a 3D maker and drafting up a scale model of it." He says, and you take note of how he looks excited about it.

This was quite a turn from what you were used to, you had to remind yourself that these weren't your typical college guys. Yet, you could feel your left eye twitching slightly. "Guys! It's a Saturday night."

"Mhm?" Doyoung replies, his eyebrows furrowed, like the day didn't change anything.

You scoff, "So what, no frat parties? No bar hopping?"

You're met with blank looks, the men looking utterly confused as Jungwoo shakes his head, unfamiliar with both scenes. "No?"

You sigh, facing the fact that you're going out solo. You could probably text a few of your other classmates to meet up wherever you went.

"You guys do that, I'm gonna go get laid tonight." You shrug, getting up to put your dish in the sink. "Yuta you can sleep in your bed if you want."

"Wait- Where are you gonna go?" Jungwoo asks, following you to the kitchen with furrowed brows.

You shrug. "I don't know, maybe a club? Don't worry about me, I'll be fine. If I get home before morning then I'll just crash on the couch."

"If?!" Jungwoo's eyes widen at the prospect of you being out all night.

You place a hand on his shoulder. "I have a key, don't wait up."

And he stands there shocked, the other two watching as you head to your room to shower and change your outfit. You had a long night ahead of you.

Even afterwards, when you had stepped out in

You try your best to quietly open the front door, met with only pitch black darkness as you assume everyone was asleep. It was two in the morning, and in their defense, you did tell them not to wait up.

Slipping your heels off, you step quietly towards the couch. You peel your tight dress off and realize you have nothing to change into, and you weren't going to wake Yuta to just grab a shirt. Luckily for you, there was a blanket you could cover yourself with, so you discarded the bra as well, thankful that at least you had worn shorts under your dress tonight. You sigh as you lay down, head still spinning as you come down from earlier.

You had succeeded in your quest of getting laid, thoroughly being manhandled by a guy named Mingyu who went to a neighboring university. The sex was actually pretty decent, but it could've been better. You had wanted someone to bend you into a pretzel and fuck you until your legs were rendered useless for the next week. And he just couldn't provide that. Maybe you'd have to trust in your rainbow dildo from now on.

You brush the thoughts to the back of your mind as you finally find sleep, eyes fluttering shut.

You swear, it felt like you were asleep for all of two seconds when you hear the blaring alarm clock from one of the rooms. Followed by the sound of things being knocked over.

Rubbing your eyes as you sit up, hangover hitting you hard, but your eyes are drawn to frantic looking Yuta running around the apartment out of his room. He moves over a few things on the dining table quickly and you watching confusion.

"Where are they?" He mutters to himself, throwing some things in the kitchen around as well.

Sitting up, you rub your eyes as your vision adjusts. "What're you looking for?"

"Just my- Oh, where is your shirt? Why are you naked?" He rambles, covering his eyes as he turns around.

You hadn't even noticed that the blanket you used to cover yourself all night had slipped down, accidentally revealing at least part of your boobs to Yuta. "I slept like this because I didn't want to barge into your room to grab a shirt, sorry. I'll go do that now!"

You get up and scramble to the room, feeling so shitty at making Yuta uncomfortable. Opening the drawer, you slip on the first shirt that's there. You don't even look at it before you're rushing out and apologizing profusely to Yuta. "It's only my first morning here and I've already flashed you."

"Is that my shirt?" He asks, eyes wide and your look down to confirm that it was, in fact, Yuta's shirt.

"Oh! And I stole your shirt, I'll wash it and put it back! I really am sorry, I'm just so hungover right now." You hang your head in shame as the words slip out.

"No! No, really it's fine." Yuta dismisses as he waves his hands. "I found my keys so I have to go now, see you when I get back!"

And with that, he's out the door, face tinted red.

God, you were a fool! Sighing in defeat, you make your way to your room, slipping off the shirt and trading it out for one that was yours.

What you didn't know was that Yuta was still standing on the other side of the front door, mind reeling as he replays the mental image of your nipples peaking through the fabric of one of his shirts. He didn't think you'd be giving him this much trouble already! It was the first morning!

Back inside, you're gathering clothes to take a shower. Jungwoo opens the door to his room, unexpectedly rushing out as well, saying he had somewhere to be as he's unable to meet your eyes. You had no idea everyone would be so busy this morning. Was it usually like this? You shrug, too tired and ready to be met with steaming hot water as you bid him goodbye.

After your shower, you not surprised to see Doyoung up as well, sitting near the kitchen as he munches on a banana. You can see his computer in front of him displaying some kind of code, and he doesn't look like he got a wink of sleep. Did these boys ever take a break?

"Good morning Doyoung." You yawn, making a bee line for the coffee machine. You grab a K-Cup and try to figure your way around the machine as you fail to notice Doyoung's stare.

"Oh, Morning." Doyoung finally gives a greeting back, thankful that your back is facing him right now with the way the blood was rushing to his face. Now, Doyoung wouldn't say he was a pervert or anything, but he couldn't help the way his eyes were glued to your shorts.

You break him out of his spell when you turn around, coffee mug in hand. You're frowning, "Why's everyone so busy today?"

"It's like that everyday, we rarely see each other in the mornings." Doyoung explains, keeping his composure still as he tries not to let his eyes wander. He's not stupid, he knew it'd be a little difficult to live with someone as hot as you, but he figured he could handle himself.

"Oh that's too bad, I wanted to make everyone breakfast." You speak, turning around to open the cabinets, unaware how Doyoung's eyes shot straight back to your ass. "So, how was your night?"

"I-it was alright, and yours?" He asks while he clears his throat, already semi-aware of your ventures that you had announced.

"Can't say it was any better." And you leave it at that as you sigh. What could you mean by that? Did you not get laid? With an ass like that?

"Oh.. Well, I have a meeting with my professor in twenty so I have to get going soon." He nods, and you just about lose your mind.

"On a Sunday?"

"Computers work on Sunday's too."

God, what was he on about? "Okay Doyoung, see you later then."

Weirdly, you felt the least your friends could do was amuse you. But so far, you were beginning to realize that they're likely this busy all the time, between their schooling and internship jobs, they were packed.

Speaking of jobs, it was time to start looking.

..

Eight online job applications later and you're about ready to move to the woods and start living like a cave woman off the grid. No money, no bills, and no rent. Sadly, you were too accustomed to running water to let that happen though.

So you decide to drop off an application at a promising job near you, before hitting the inevitable brick wall. You don't have a printer.

Surely one of the boys had to have one, right?

Wrong, it seemed as you looked into Jungwoo's room. It felt weird to just peep in there, but you didn't want to bother him by texting since you knew he was busy. Unfortunately, you were already aware that Yuta didn't have one either.

Which left you with peeping into Doyoung's room. Maybe if you had just, I don't know, used the printer available at your college campus, you wouldn't have discovered such a life altering sight.

Yet, for some reason, that possibility didn't cross your mind as you swung the door open. And you felt like your jaw hit the floor as you stared ahead almost immediately.

Positioned right above Doyoung's bed, was a camera.

And not just any camera, an ultra HD expensive looking one, and that said a lot seeing you knew nothing about cameras. To make matters worse, it was held by a tri-pod. Could it be any more obvious?

You close the door as you stand, feet plastered to the floor in horror. What the hell was Kim Doyoung doing with a classic porn set up in his room? Kim Doyoung?! The nerdy TA who ran from woman that were just trying to ask him class-related questions? The male who grimaced at any sight of public of public affection? The one who rolled his eyes in annoyance when others made dirty jokes?

That Kim Doyoung was making porn?

Yeah right, you could almost laugh at that.

There had to be another reasonable explanation, right? You had known Doyoung for a while now, and he definitely didn't even seem like a man who was too keen on pre-marital sex, there was just no way he was filming it.

You doubt he even watched porn, that's how busy and wound up he seemed. There was no way on this green earth that he was doing that. But that doesn't explain what the camera was doing there.

You had to find a way to connect this to his nerdy computer job or you were going to go crazy.

You got home around five in the afternoon after dropping off the finally printed application, and picking up a few things, like toilet paper and laundry soap, that you had noticed missing around the apartment. Mostly just buying yourself time to get over the weird thoughts you were having now.

You doubt you'd be able to look Doyoung in the eye without crumbling, so you text your friend Mark if you can crash on his couch, he lives closer to campus anyways. He responds almost immediately with a sure dude, and you decide you'll stop by the house to pick up pajamas.

You don't expect anyone to be home as you unlock the door, but of course, everyone was home. All of them gathered in the living room with takeout boxes as Jungwoo spots you. He holds one up, "We didn't know when you'd be home, but we ordered for you."

You smile as you thank him, opening the box to reveal your favorite dish. You hadn't explicitly told them lately, but they had remembered? That makes your heart swell for your friends a bit as you spot Doyoung out of the corner of your eye. Oh, right.

"Actually, I have to go do this thing tonight." You lie. "So I just stopped by to get some clothes."

"Really? Is everything okay?" Yuta inquires as you nod. And it's as if there's no awkwardness from him after the incident this morning either, so you're grateful for that.

"I'm fine, I'll be home tomorrow." You explain.

"Well, could you spare a minute to eat with us?" Jungwoo pouts, and you find yourself nodding before you can stop yourself. You were always a little weak for him.

If Doyoung notices your odd behavior as you sit by him, he doesn't say a word about it. In fact, everyone seems to go about their business. Everyone filling you in on how busy their days were and asking about what you had been up to.

"Oh, I left the bags by the door, but I bought some stuff we needed."

"You're an angel." Jungwoo comments. "I was scared I was going to have to use napkins instead of toilet paper again."

"That's so gross Jungwoo." Yuta reconciles and you all laugh in agreement.

"So, you'll be gone all night then?" Doyoung asks, bringing your attention back to him. Your eyes dart to his hands, right as he twirls the noodles around his chopsticks. Sure you were still wondering a little about the camera situation, but it wasn’t like that right? Though you can’t help but notice how pretty his hands were. 

His fingers were long, and you couldn’t help but imagine how they wrapped around his own cock. If he filmed anything, would he jerk off and beg his viewers to let him cum? Or was he more dominant, shoving his thin fingers into a flashlight as he spoke nasty words, or maybe even in another girl. The visual alone is enough to get you hot and bothered. But you shake yourself out of it, this was the dorky comp-sci major you lived with, you should not be thinking about him like that.

"Yeah, I'm working on a project with Mark, figured I'd just spend the night since we have the class together in the morning." You put together, pretty impressed with how well the lie was coming out.

"Mark?" Yuta raises a brow, the name familiar to him. "Like the hockey player?"

You nod, curious. "You know him?"

"Not really, just know he's a jock."

You catch his implication. "Well, he's not like that. Plus, he's my friend so you guys shouldn't worry, not like I'm spending the night with a stranger."

Jungwoo grows uncharacteristically quiet. "Oh."

..

"So Jungwoo's being fucking weird, Doyoung might have an onlyfans, and Yuta's saw your boobs?" Mark parrots back as you two sit on his living room couch, he's shifting the lollipop in his mouth from one side to the other as he thinks. His brows furrow in concentration as he cooks up a response.

"Exactly."

Haechan, your friends roommate and fellow hockey teammate, laughs loudly as he enters the room. "And it's only your second day living with them?"

"Told you the losers would be a lot to handle." Mark shrugs, and you roll your eyes. These two didn't have the greatest impression of your other three friends, reducing them down to the nerds everyone thought they were.

"I didn't see you offering me a room," You defend. "Plus, they're super easy to live with so I don't have much else to complain about."

"You could always just share a bed with me." Haechan smirks, and you fake gag. "Your room smells like shit."

"Hey!"

"Anyways, I'd rather live with my beloved nerds than with you two sleazes." You state truthfully, scrunching your nose.

"Doyoung might be slinging his dick on camera, yet we're the sleazes?" Mark giggles, and you hit him in the arm.

"I don't think that's the case but, is there any other explanation?" You groan, stealing a chip from a bag hidden on Mark's side. He swats at your hand as you grab another one.

"He could just be into filming." Haechan offers, joining you two as he pops open a soda. And you ponder if Doyoung's ever been seen with a camera before.

You shake your head, doubting it. "He's never mentioned anything like that."

"Well running from him, and the rest of your roommates, is just going to make them think you're ungrateful. It'd be better to just confront them now and get over it." Mark advises, and the other male agrees.

Haechan places his soda down. "Why does it matter anyways? What Doyoung does in his apartment is no one else's business."

"Well-" You stop yourself as you look down. "I don't know."

"What's up?" Mark says at the shift in your attitude.

You hadn't confronted it yet, but the though of the things Doyoung did on his bed with his camera running? You hated that you wanted to see it. You hated that you ran with the implication of him having a scandalous hobby, and that you wanted a front row seat.

"I don't know, even with those wire-frame's and all, I think he's kind of cute." You admit begrudgingly, leaning back into the couch in embarrassment.

"Oh my God," Haechan sits up. "The thought of him doing that has you all hot and bothered! That's what it is, it's not even about him actually doing it, its about you thinking he is."

"And you're just having trouble grappling with your feelings." Mark shrugs as he pops a chip into his mouth, lollipop stick discarded.

You cover your face with your hands. "Stop.."

Mark sighs, throwing his hands up in defeat. "Don't hate the messenger."

"Okay sure, Doyoung's nice to look at but if anything, I'd be more into Jungwoo." You reveal, and it's true. If there's anyone in the house you'd like in that way, it'd be Jungwoo. You two just had a better connection, even if he'd be acting different lately.

"In a weird science-y kind of way?" Haechan tilts his head before groaning. "Why him when you could have the hottest frat boy on campus?"

"There you go again." You glare, knowing instantly that he was referring to Lee Jeno's crush on you. You know full well the two in front of you were rooting for their friend. They also thought you were too attractive to be hidden behind stuffy scholars all day. And sure, Jeno was sweet, and easy on the eyes, but you just weren't into him. "Stop trying to set me up."

"Worth a shot."

"Anyways, I think instead of just hiding here." Mark narrows his eyes. "You should go home and explain everything, that way you don't continue scuttling around out of nervousness."

"And admit that I thought about Doyoung in that way?" You exclaim, face palming. "Mark, that's a terrible plan."

"You don't have to say all that," Mark crosses his arms in retaliation. "Just talk about Jungwoo's behavior and clear the air with Yuta."

You hang your head in defeat. "Can I at least wait until tomorrow?"

"Nope. Now."

You plead as you caught off guard by his insistance. "But Mark-"

"He said now." Haechan repeats, grinning at your misery.

"Oh so now you two agree?" You scoff in disbelief. Those two loved to argue about everything, but of course they could team up against you.

Mark nods, pointing to the door. "Go before it's past their bedtime."

"Don't be ridiculous Mark." Haechan feigns seriousness before he chuckles. "They have to tuck each other in first."

"You two are so annoying." You mutter as you pack up your bag. Shooting the two endless glares as you slip your shoes on.

Thirty minutes later and you're at the front door of what is now considered your home. Even when it was just your friends, you had never felt this nervous entering it before. You take a deep breath in as you stick the key in the lock, ready for confrontation.

You're met with chatter in the living room, relieved that they were still up, at least you wouldn't be waking them. You close the door behind you quietly as you take your shoes off and make your way to the living room.

You take a deep breath as you round the corner. "Hey, I'm back-"

You freeze in your place at the sight before you. It seriously seemed liked your friends had been abducted by aliens. There was no way the image before you was real. Your eyes widen as your jaw slacks, "What. The. Fuck."

Your met with three pairs of eyes staring back at you, Yuta standing up from the couch first. "I-I thought you were going to be gone all night."

You stay still from shock, brain trying to come up for any reasonable explanation as to why your friends looked liked male strippers right now. "You...You're Yuta?!"

Yuta looks taken aback. "Just with a little makeup."

Just a little? Yuta looked completely transformed, his hair gelled back nicely instead of awkwardly parted down the middle. The black glasses and collard shirts traded out for thick rings and painted nails. He looked like a rock star, and was that a tattoo?

"We can explain." Doyoung awkwardly looks down. Your knocked out by the sigh of him as well. Gone is his usual stern put-together look, instead he's donning smoky eye shadow with layered gold necklaces as his dark hair messily frames his face. He's wearing a sleeveless shirt, and that catches you heavily off guard as he usually only wears loose fitting clothes. He had been hiding those toned arms the entire time?

You take a step back. "How do you plan on explaining why it looks like I just stepped onto the set of Magic Mike?"

Your eyes finally meet the quiet boy who had been on your mind recently, Jungwoo. And to say he looked stunning would be an understatement. He was wearing a cropped shirt that showcased his toned abs as he stood up, the red color of it contrasting to his skin perfectly. His eyes looked striking, and he's wearing dark makeup as well.

You'd hate to admit it, but the sight of the men had you suddenly rubbing your thighs together and trying to stop your head from spinning. What the hell was going on right now? What alternate timeline has you just entered?

"Why don't you sit?" Doyoung suggests, avoiding eye contact.

"Umm, alright." You comply, hesitating. When you look back up with expectant eyes, they start to get nervous.

Yuta sits as well, and you're trying not to drool. "Don't freak out."

You side eye him, this was an unusual reaction. "Right.."

"I'll just come out and say it," He pauses. "We're camboys."

He watches your face for a reaction but you provide none, instead choosing to have an explosion in your mind as you keep your composure outwardly. You turn to face him, calmly. "Oh."

Doyoung repeats. "Oh?"

"I don't know how I'm meant to react to this." You struggle truthfully. One, you were grappling with the explanation that you were right in your assumptions. Two, you were trying your best not to just gawk at them. "Plus, it's none of my business, I just came home to apologize."

Jungwoo furrows his brows. "To us?"

"I kind of already saw the tri-pod facing Doyoung's bed and jumped to conclusions. That's why I was acting distant, and I also flashed Yuta this morning-"

"You what?" Doyoung perks up.

"It wasn't on purpose." You wave your hands around before lowering your voice. "And I wanted to know why Jungwoo's been acting weird lately, and if I did anything wrong."

Jungwoo looks taken aback. "What? No, you didn't do anything wrong."

"Are you sure? You've been acting off since I've moved in." You respond, trying not to ogle your friends abs. It was proving to be harder than you thought as you forced yourself to look him in the eye.

Yuta and Doyoung exchange a knowing glance that you miss as Jungwoo stutters for an explanation. "I'm sorry, I've just been stressed."

And you just nod, the tense atmosphere in the room suffocating you. "Maybe I should go."

"Are you bothered?" Yuta asks, stopping you. The rest of the boys look genuinely worried, and you feel terrible. Your silence must've come off wrong.

"What? No, this is your house! You can all do whatever you want." You admit genuinely.

Doyoung shakes his head. "We could've at least let you know before hand-"

"No, really, it's fine." You reassure him as you make eye contact with the two other boys. "Also, your secrets safe with me, I won't say anything."

"We know you won't." Yuta nods. "We trust you, and we're sorry we didn't say anything sooner, we just didn't want things to change."

"Nothing has changed, alright?" You smile. "Everything's normal."

..

Everything was far from normal as the days progressed. Sure, the boys seemed a little more loose around you, knowing they didn't have to hide their nighttime activities from you anymore.

But you, on the other hand? Let's just say you were having a hard time not opening a incognito tab on your computer to search for your friends content. Though you knew their accounts wouldn't be easily traceable, likely not having their real name attached to it at all.

It still didn't stop you from wanting to look though.

"If you zone out one more time, I'm kicking you out of my apartment." Haechan voices in annoyance, noticing your lack of attention on some crazy story he was telling you today.

"Yeah, what has you so spacey?" Mark asks, returning to Haechan's bedroom with a water bottle in his hand.

They were unaware of the events, as you had kept your mouth shut, as promised. But it was beginning to grow harder to keep everything to yourself, especially with the way you'd been feeling lately. So with Mark's curious eyes on yours, the words spill out like a waterfall. You recalling everything that had happened to your closest friends, including how badly you wanted to know what the others were up to behind the camera.

Haechan looks gobsmacked, mouth agape as he takes in your words. "..Jungwoo has abs?"

"Is that all you got from that?" You voice frustratedly, they were insufferable.

"I'm never seen him in the gym a day in my life!"

"You don't go to the gym Haechan!"

"All three of them?" Mark repeats, in utter shock as well.

You nod back. "I don't know if they film together or what but-"

"You wanna see it." Haechan finishes for you. "You pervert!"

"I'm not a pervert!"

"You're a pervert. Pervert, pervert, pervert!" Haechan continues in a sing-song voice as you feel your eye twitch. You don't know why you told these two, not like they could offer any useful insight.

Before you can retaliate, Mark's shushing his friend. "I know how to fix this."

You listen because, really? How could Mark possibly know how to solve the inner turmoil brewing inside of you? What could make it all go away?

You admit. "I'm all ears."

"You need to get laid." He states, and your brows fuzz.

"Uh..." You trail, trying to figure out the nicest way to shoot him down.

"Not by us!" He responds, almost reading your mind, then turning around and pretending to puke in Haechans mini trash can. How mature. He comes back to his senses as he stands up again. "Come to a party with us and get fucked. It'll take your mind off of them, and anyways, I think this is just caused by sexual frustration."

Haechan pipes in. "He's right, you're just suffering from lack of dick."

"I slept with this dude named Mingyu like a week ago-"

Haechan stops you. "Shhh, Mark is always right! Right Mark?"

"Right!" And it's so strange how the two have been suddenly agreeing lately.

So you, almost unwillingly, find yourself attending a party with them that very night. Dressed in your tightest fitting dress and your nicest pair of lingerie. After about thirty more minutes of talking to you, they had you convinced your reeling horny thoughts were coming from sexual deprivation. You're sure they had brainwashed you, because seriously, you just had sex! This plan was dumb, but what else did you expect?

Though now, you're feeling stupid as your two friends subtly nudge Lee Jeno in your direction. God, you should've known those two were up to something.

You sip from your red solo cup as Jeno continues to shyly sell himself to you. He's telling you about his volunteer hours, his stellar sports stats, and his love for animals. If you didn't know any better, you'd say he's interviewing for a job, and not just attempting to grab a hookup.

Your heart somewhat aches for the boy, he definitely was trying to make you his girlfriend sooner or later, and it was almost sweet. But even if you weren't currently enthralled by the idea of your roommates, you still wouldn't have seen yourself giving Jeno a chance. He wasn't really your type anyways.

Jeno excuses himself to pour another drink as you shoot glares at your two friends from across the room. Not that Haechan sees it though, he's too busy trying to feel up some poor girl who fell for his pick up lines. Mark looks intimidated though!

You pull out your phone in an attempt to discourage any others from approaching you, and are met with a notification from Jungwoo. You open the message accompanied by his cute little contact photo and try not to smile.

It reads, Hey! Doyoung attempted dinner, you should come join us.

Granted, the boys had no idea where you were or that you were being forced into yet another mission, but you just stick your phone back in your purse and scan the room again.

While Lee Jeno may not have been your type, looking for something far too serious to even let you consider sleeping with him, Liu Yangyang seemed to be just what you were searching for. With your luck, he'd throw you off to the side the next morning. You're relieved by the fact that's he's not known to be one for committing.

You're about to approach him when Mark meets your eyes, sending you a silent don't, basically reading your mind. God, why did they have to play wingman? And curse Mark for reading your mind! So you stay rooted in your place as Jeno returns, handing you a drink that you won't even be drinking from.

Doyoung's dinner would probably be more entertaining that this right now. "Hey, sorry. I think I'm actually gonna head home, I'm pretty tired." You let out, interrupting whatever Jeno was saying.

There's a flash of disappointment in his eyes before he smiles. "I can drive you home."

Your eyes dart to the beer in his hand, passing him a fake smile. "I'll manage, but thank you for offering!"

You ignore the silent pleas and texts from your friends as you exit and get into your car, thankful that you hadn't taken a sip of anything at that party.

A few minutes later and you're back home, deciding to ring the door bell so you're not faced with another situation.

Yuta opens it, smiling as he welcomes you home. You grin back as you slip off your shoes, starving for whatever you could find. "Is dinner ready?"

But your question is answered as you walk into the kitchen to see instant ramen packets scattered across the counter top as Jungwoo holds a bowl, and Doyoung frantically scrubbing at a burnt pan.

Doyoung pushes up his glasses with his shoulder as he's still elbow deep in the sink. "Dinner didn't exactly go as planned."

You giggle. "I see that."

"Want some ramen?" Jungwoo perks up, gesturing his chopsticks towards you when you nod.

"Promise you'll cook for us tomorrow?" Yuta asks, watching as the charred food doesn't let up from the pan. You make a face as well as you shake your head.

"Promise," You say, swallowing your noodles as you sit next to Jungwoo. "Sorry I was out, Haechan and Mark are trying to set me up."

Doyoung somewhat stiffens at the names. "Yeah? Take it that didn't go well?"

You sigh. "Well, he's an athlete and he's nice enough,"

"But?" Jungwoo finishes, knowing you weren't done. Well, he was downright hoping something was wrong with this mystery athlete, truth be told.

Good thing he was right. "But, I don't think I'm into him."

"Why not?"

"No particular reason," You lie, managing to avoid eye contact with the men that were your roadblocks to anyone else right now. How were you supposed to manage a decent lay while thinking about the three hottest guys you've ever seen at home?

Even now, without their makeup and sultry clothing, you think they look attractive as ever. God, you had it bad. With those stupid collard shirts and wire frames, you think they've never looked better.

"I think I'm going to lay off the parties for a few days anyway, midterms are in a week." You continue, knowing the men in front of you had been preparing for them these past couple of weeks already.

"Right," Doyoung nods, sleeves still rolled up as he dries his hands. "Wanted to warn you by the way, we're going to be filming on Tuesday."

"Got it, I'll study at Mark's." You pass, already planning in your head how to get Haechan's loud mouth out of the room long enough to get work done.

Jungwoo looks bothered though. "Or you could stay?"

You look up from your bowl. "Hm?"

"I've been thinking," Jungwoo starts. "This is your place too, you should be able to go about your business while we film. It's not like I haven't done homework while Yuta recorded a fleshlight clip in the next room."

His boldness paired with his vulgar language — which you were definitely not used to — catches you off guard.

"I wouldn't want to bother-"

"No, he's right." Doyoung stops you. "We can't send you off everytime we have something to do, unless it makes you uncomfortable?"

You pause, you shouldn't even be considering this! Not just because of your lack of self control, but also, wouldn't this be dangerously pushing boundaries? "Oh but Yuta doesn't even have his own room right now-"

"Look, if Yuta ever needs to push something out, he can use my room. Or you could just come chill in mine while we wait." Jungwoo offers.

But goodness, being in the same vicinity as any of them when they're doing such sinful things? How were you supposed to hold back? You'd be expected to talk to Jungwoo while Yuta moaned up a storm in the other room?

"Oh, I don't know." You answer, wanting to drop the topic for now. It wasn't getting any easier to talk about it anyways.

"Why do you seem so nervous about it?" Yuta leans in, eyes meeting yours.

You subconsciously lean back, he was definitely onto you. Too bad it was a little hard to fake that you didn't fight the subconscious urge every past night to google their names. "Oh, uh-"

"We'll drop it," Jungwoo shoots a glare at Yuta. "Sorry."

"It's fine!" You smile, pretending to be preoccupied with your ramen. Though your mind is on anything but those stupid noodles right now.

“No we won’t.” Yuta smirks, ignoring Jungwoo entirely. “What has you so worked up, rubbing your thighs together below the table?”

You’re caught off guard at his openness. “W-what?”

“I bet it’s not that athlete, is it?” Yuta leans, tone seductive, and something you had never heard before. And you'd be lying if you said you didn't want him to bend you over the table in front of you.

You avert your eyes, wondering why everyone else had gotten quiet all of a sudden. You couldn't confront this right now, no you wouldn't! "I'll be in my room."

And with that you make a quick way for your temporary bedroom. Ignoring Jungwoo's call for your name as you close the door behind you. What the hell were you going to do now?

Yuta knows he messed up, bad. Things had been tense in the house for the past few days, and you were more skittish than he had ever seen you. He wondered if you were spending time at Mark's place again.

That was Jungwoo's biggest nightmare, in all honesty. He wasn't sure what the nature of you and Mark's friendship was — and he didn't even want to think about it. You were gorgeous, you could have anyone you wanted! He had no doubt that your friends would fuck you if given the chance, if they hadn't already. He knows it doesn't matter who you're sleeping with, but it does make him feel jealous.

Doyoung remains indifferent, at least on the outside. He goes about his day as Yuta and Jungwoo lose their minds over how to return to their normal selves again. It affects him as well though. You were really close to all of them at one point, how had that changed in less than a week?

Doyoung just knows he wish things had went differently.

The sound of the front door opening alerts everyone in the house. Jungwoo's quick to jump up, greeting you at the front door. You smile back as you remove your shoes. You try to keep your composure as you ignore the men in front of you being dressed up. Ah, you forgot it was a filming day. "Today was so stressful."

"Really? Do you maybe wanna watch something in my room with me?" Jungwoo suggests, hoping he can attempt to ease things. "It'll help you relax."

You shrug, though you don't if you could handle the close proximity. It's already taking everything in you right now not to jump his bones in this hallway. "Why not?"

He mentally celebrates in his head, "I'll grab some chips and meet you in my room."

You nod, walking to your temporary room to change. Today really had taken a toll on you, and on top of it, you forgot you were coming home to your roommates alter-egos. Not that you were complaining, because you definitely weren't, but it had slipped your mind. At least Jungwoo wasn't being awkward anymore. Things were going back to normal, right?

You change into shorts and a simple t-shirt and make your way across the hall. You push open the door and see Jungwoo settled already on his bed, the tv already on. You and him to have movie nights in his bed during sleepovers, so this wasn't unusual. Finally, something was normal again. Even if now you were sexually attracted to him. Geez, could you get your head out of the gutter?!

You two watch the movie for a few minutes as Jungwoo starts to shift in his spot. You begin to grow concerned. "Everything okay?"

Jungwoo brushes you off. "I'm fine."

You furrow your brows. "Alright.."

It only takes a few seconds for him to break as he shoots up. He couldn't ignore it's presence, especially not with you in the room. The insinuation of the little red light on in the corner, as the two of you sat on his bed? It was taking his mind to places it shouldn't go. "I left my camera on my desk, its facing this way. Let me just put it up."

And with that he scrambles to his desk, shutting off the camera and tossing it in one of his desk drawers. He's frantic, and his mind is racing with how little you must think of him right now. "Sorry."

You shake your head. "Stop apologizing, it's fine."

Jungwoo covers his face with his hands as he leans against his desk. He breaks, "I can't keep pretending this isn't weird."

You had no idea he was losing his composure as well, you had thought you had been the only one blowing it out of proportion. But you didn't want him to feel ashamed. So you assure him, "I don't mind."

He moves his hands. "You don't feel weird?"

"Can I be honest, Jungwoo?" You ask, it was now or never. One more second of this back-and-forth and you were going to explode.

He meets your eyes. "Please?"

“It turns me on.” You blurt out, admitting the truth. And you can't believe it had came out so easily.

Jungwoo’s shocked as he fumbles over what to say next. “What?” 

It was too late to go back now, you had to say it. “I think it’s hot, Jungwoo, I think you’re hot.” 

Were his ears deceiving him? He prayed you weren't messing with him. “Really?” 

You giggle as you stand to your feet and he starts to feel stupid. “Mhm."

You continue to walk up to him as you place your hands on the desk behind him, effectively caging him between you. You had no idea where this boldness came from, but its likely he was drawing it out from you.

And he can't believe his circumstances. The girl he's been utterly in love with is leaning over him, in those tiny little shorts, telling him that he was the hot one? “So if I kissed you right now, you would-” 

You stop him mid-sentence as you bring your lips to his. It's reliving almost, the way your mouths slide together in synch. You had waited far to long for this to let him think he would take the lead. You wanted it far too badly.

He kisses you back, head dizzy with how much he wants you. Though he's laced with a feeling of uncertainty that he just can't shake off because what was this? Was this just a hook-up, oh he was getting ahead of himself. This was a kiss, who knew if you even wanted to sleep with him!?

He debates telling you right there, not letting another second go by where you don't know about his feelings. But he's scared, terrified even, of your reaction. So he savors the kiss, putting his hands around your waist to grab your hips and pull you closer together, if that was even possible.

You can feel your heart rate increasing as you lose your breath. You pull away slightly for breath as you and Jungwoo meet eyes. He's showing no signs of stopping though. Pulling you back in to meet his lips as gentle as possible, before kissing you with the hunger of a starved man.

He's devouring you, and he's not sure if he intends to stop there. He doesn't want to stop there, but he's completely blank on what you want. He separates, "We should stop."

You're hazy, drunk on the kiss as you eyes don't leave his lips. "Don't wanna,"

He stops you before you can go in again, squeezing your hips. He couldn't get enough of you, his body was craving you. "I don't know if I'll be able to control myself."

You smirk, hunger in your voice. "Then don't."

He groans, you had no idea what you were doing to him. How long he had dreamed of this moment. "I need to know what you want."

The statement has a double meaning, almost daring you to spill out about feelings that he's not even sure you had. Was he ultimately just hurting himself? Likely.

Though you only catch one meaning, "I want you inside me."

And he'd be stupid to deny you that. He tries to formulate a response but you don't give him a chance. You lean closer, brushing your sex on his semi-hard on, "Need you inside me."

"Fuck," He rasped, as he moves his knee between your thigh. You moan out in ecstasy, feeling slightly embarrassed. He had barely even touched you and you're bitching like a dog in heat.

You lick your lips. "Jungwoo, I-"

The door swings open as Yuta and Doyoung peek in. Yuta shakes his head as he crosses his arms, Doyoung standing in complete surprise. The two of them stare as if they caught you doing something illegal.

"Well, what do we have here?" Yuta speaks as he takes in the scene before him. You and Jungwoo hadn't even bothered to separate, too caught off guard to even have time to think about hiding what you were doing.

You swallow hard. "We were just-"

"Just grinding on each other like horny teenagers?" Yuta finishes, smirking as he knows he couldn't have walked in at a better moment.

"Yeah, thanks for the invite Jungwoo." Doyoung comments sarcastically, and you're left confused.

Jungwoo immediately catches on. "No that's not what we were-"

Yuta doesn't buy it. "No use in lying about it."

"I'm sorry, what?" You ask, unmoving.

"Yuta thinks we're filming." Jungwoo elaborates, sighing.

"You're not?" Yuta asks, and Doyoung looks intrigued.

You shake your head, "We were just kissing anyways."

"Jungwoo's boner says otherwise." Doyoung snorts.

Yuta crosses his arms, "Were you really gonna fuck her without us?"

The words hit you, without us? Who was us? Yuta and Doyoung?

You stutter, flabberghasted. "Y-you guy's would've wanted to watch?!"

Yuta shrugs. "I'll be honest, that's more of Doyoung's thing. He likes to watch, he's into those cuck things. I, on the other hand, would've wanted to join."

Yet again, you're phased by the casual talk of this all. A few weeks ago you never would've thought your friends were so, nasty. The guys who avidly avoided woman, the guys who go all shy when you got too close, the guys who would rather be studying than anything else. You don't think you'll ever get used to how they talk now.

Blinking, you speak. "You want to fuck me?"

Yuta brushes hair out of his face. "Are you serious?"

"W-what? Why are you acting like it's a stupid question, you guys have never shown attraction to me." You state, moving off of Jungwoo, and he winces as the loss of contact.

Doyoung groans. "I don't think we could've been anymore obvious without downright saying it."

Was that true? Had you missed all the signs? "I had no idea."

Yuta scoffs, quirking his head to the side condescendedly. "Look at her face, she's telling the truth, she really had no idea what she was putting us through. And here I thought you were being a tease on purpose."

"A tease?"

"Oh come on, flashing me. Walking around the house in tiny shorts and no bra under your t-shirts." He names and you see how that could look.

You mutter. "Flashing you was an accident."

"Well it's no accident how bad I want to fuck you." Yuta replies boldly, walking closer. "So are you in?"

Doyoung pipes up. "If you don't want to, you can walk out now. I promise, thing's wont be weird, we'll be fine."

You think over Doyoungs words for a minute, before looking back at Jungwoo. "I-"

You turn back to the other two. "I want to."

Yuta smiles, and Doyoung speaks again. "Are you sure?"

Jungwoo grabs your hand in his. "We're not trying to pressure you-"

"Jungwoo, I've wanted this for longer than you'd think." You admit, pressure off of your shoulders.

Yuta breaks the moment, pure lust in his eyes. "Get on the bed."

You do as told, laying down on the bed in excitement at the thought of what the three men are going to do to you. You had no idea what to expect.

Jungwoo settles on one side of you, rubbing you through your bottoms. “Thought you were too good for me, honestly. I’m little loser Jungwoo, and here you are, a sopping wet mess under me.” 

“Told Jungwoo I wanted to fuck you the day we met.” Yuta reveals, seated on the opposite side. Yet, you're too caught up on his words. 

“Really?”

“Yeah, baby. Told him we should get you in a little video too, what would you have said then?” He responds, and you flutter at the nickname.

“I had already thought of the title.” Jungwoo smirks. “Slutty college girl gets her tiny hole stretched by nerdy math tutors.” 

“I’d pay to see that.” Doyoung comments, eyes locked on you. 

“Of course you would.” Yuta teases, gaze full of pure lust. 

You feel fuzzy already. “I-I would’ve said yes!” 

“Are you sure?” Jungwoo asks condescendingly. Just because he wanted this as bad as you didn't mean he couldn't have a little fun. “I was just the nerd, remember? The nerd who watched you leave to get fucked by another guy while I was right here.” 

You moan out at his vulgar words going straight to your core. 

Doyoung takes a seat in the chair by Jungwoo's desk, seemingly content with watching. “We were all right here.” 

Yuta grins, hands pulling at your shirt. “I would’ve pounded you into my mattress the minute you asked.” 

You whine, the feverish desire taking over. “Wa-want that so bad.” 

“Yeah? Want me to fuck you until you can’t walk tomorrow?” 

You nod, overtaken with sheer desire.

Jungwoo suddenly leans down to capture your mouth in his, distracting how Yuta takes over and tugs your bottoms completely off. You shakily grab run your hands through his hair and he shivers when you touch him and gets slightly more aggressive with the kiss. He wants to be as close to you as he can, even if just for now.

You feel the air hit your bare cunt as you moan into Jungwoo's mouth. He smirks a little as Yuta shakes his head. "So wet just from a little kissing, who knew our friend was such a slut for us?"

You buck your hips off the bed, to which Yuta forcefully pushes your thighs back down. You're barely able to let out a yelp of surprise as the other male continues to meld his mouth with yours.

He’s clearly trying to keep the kiss going for as long as he can, he seems to be enjoying himself way too much. But you can't say you're complaining.

Jungwoo pulls off, moving his plush lips down to your neck as Yuta teasingly runs his fingers numbingly slow through your slit. "P-please stop teasing- umph!"

You're cut off as Yuta pushes a finger into you, quickly followed by another. He's agonizingly slow once again and you can barely handle yourself, "'S too much- too-"

"Oh so you want to give orders but when I follow through, now you're taking it back?" He moves his fingers inside you. "If you can't take my fingers, how are you supposed to take my cock?"

You moan at the thought of it, not knowing what he looked like under the belt should be considered pure torture, every other part of him was so alluring.

Jungwoo brings your attention back to him as he pulls your shirt up just enough to unclasp your bra, sliding both off with ease as you were too distracted to do it yourself.

"Your nipples are already so hard." He teases, though he goes to pinch one and that has you writhing. "Oh, they're even prettier than I imagined."

He continues to fondle one before putting his mouth on the other, sucking as Yuta continue to piston his fingers in and out of you, going faster by the minute.

You felt so good already, so overwhelmed that you weren't sure it could get any better, but oh were you so wrong.

You feel the familiar coil beginning to form in your stomach, unable to hold in your whines. "Don't stop, please,"

He doesn't, in fact he goes even faster. The pace matched with Jungwoo's mouth still on your boob makes you go dizzy fast.

Before you know it, you're feeling the coil snap and your release dripping out. But you were a fool if you thought they were going to stop.

Yuta continues to finger you damn near to heaven, Jungwoo's tongue jutting out to graze your nipple as he talks you through your climax.

But you're already halfway gone, "Want- want you inside,"

Yuta pulls his fingers out of you, and you clench around nothing as you whine at the sudden emptiness. Yuta doesn't seem too intent on giving it to you so easily though, "You want me inside?.. And what if I don't think you deserve it? What if I make you beg for it?"

You can feel tears well up in your eyes. "Please, please I'll beg. Please Yuta, I can't go another minute without your dick in me!"

Yuta smirks, satisfied with your response. He stands from the bed and pulls his shirt off, following by unzipping his pants. You watch intently as he does so, finally able to see his abs and that tattoo in all of its glory. You could feel yourself throbbing at the view.

"Condom," You whisper, almost like an afterthought, looking at Jungwoo. "Do you have any in here?"

Jungwoo nods, gesturing to Doyoung who sits by the nightstand. "Top right drawer."

Doyoung follows, throwing a package towards Yuta as he catches it before ripping it open with his teeth. Fuckkk that was so hot.

He wastes no time in sliding it over his length, positioning it outside your entrance. You hope he's about to enter but instead, like the tease he is, rubs your clit with his tip gently. Your body already trembling and he wasn't even inside yet.

"Beg," He commands as he continues his previous actions.

"Please! Oh please Yuta-" You chant his name like a mantra as he smiles down at you.

"Don't worry, I'll give you want you want." He speaks, pushing the plush head of his dick past your walls. "Not gonna stop till you're sore."

He continues to push himself farther in as Jungwoo rubs his thumb over your clit, how were they so in synch? Had they done this before?

Yuta finally bottoms out inside you, hissing as you clench around him. "Pussy so fucking tight for such a whore."

You groan as he starts to move, thrusting into you as you babble. Jungwoo's eyes land straight on where your tits bounce, obsessed with the view. God, he was gonna bust in his pants.

You can hear the slight tap of the headboard creaking as it hits the wall behind you, Yuta reaching up to grip it as leverage while he slams into you, and you're trying your hardest not to drool on Jungwoo's pillow.

The younger male smirks before he pulls you into a kiss, silencing your moans for the minute as his tongue explores your mouth.

You whine into Jungwoo's mouth as he continues to sloppily kiss you. Yuta never falters as he watches from behind, he never knew he could enjoy watching you so much. He's borderline obsessed with seeing you two make out while he's inside, he can't get enough.

Doyoung can't see as well from where he sits, but the sounds make up for it. The room filled with the sounds of your muffled moans and skin meeting skin, accompanied by Yuta's heavy groans and pants.

He's doing everything he can to not take his dick out and start palming it, convincing himself to just wait for his turn.

Yuta moved in and out of you, each thrust sending shockwaves of pleasure throughout your body. You cried out as the pleasure became almost too much to bear, body quivering beneath him.

He doesn't let up though, too keen on seeing your pretty face all scrunched up. You were shaking as his movements started to go deeper and deeper into you, there was no way you were going to survive this.

"You feel that baby?" He groans. "Feel how hard you make me?"

You just nod, too focused on the task at hand.

He keeps going, "Look how hard Jungwoo is, he's leaking all over his bed."

You'd love to see, but you can't bring your eyes steady enough to look towards him. Jungwoo lets out a quiet whine at Yuta's words, clearly embarrassed.

"Don't get all shy Jungwoo." Doyoung interjects. "It's cute seeing you so worked up."

You moaned, despite the words not being directed towards you. Doyoung voice mixed with Yuta hitting your g spot brought you directly to another realm of heaven.

Yuta felt his body tremble as his release began to build, his mind spinning as his pleasure reached its peak. He couldn't believe he was really getting to have you like this, in all his wildest dreams come true. His fingers dug into your hips, anchoring him to you as the orgasm started to take over.

You separated from Jungwoo as you started to feel the falter in the others thrusts while feeling a similar build up, managing to sputter out a "Are you close?"

He nods, "Are -shit- you?"

You can barely respond before Jungwoo's bringing your lips back to his. He never wanted to stop kissing you, he couldn't.

You suddenly felt your orgasm rush through her body, your entire body trembling with pleasure. You clung to Jungwoo, fingers digging into his arms as the intensity of the moment hit you.

You gasped as you came, body shaking with the intensity of it, breathing heavily as the pleasure slowly ebbed away.

With a deep growl, Yuta followed as he gave one final thrust and released into the latex. Mind incredibly hazy as he collapsed beside you onto the bed. Breathing heavy as you will your eyes not to close.

He stares at your fucked out face, proud of the little number he did on you. He knows this was likely his first and last chance to see you like this, so he was going to relish in it.

Though, others didn't seem to agree with the slower paced approach, Doyoung moving the other male out of the way to climb onto the bed.

Surprisingly, you try to push yourself up. Though, you're still too unsure to ask for what you want. "Can I..."

"Can you what?" Doyoung mocks after you don't respond for a few seconds. "Closed mouths don't get fed."

Who knew he could be so mean?

"Can I ride you?" You blurt out.

He smirks. "Is that what you want?"

You nod, "Fuck, please Doyoung."

He laughs, leaning back on the head board as he slips his pants down. "Be my guest, if you think you can still hold yourself up."

You place your hands on his shoulders as you wobbly throw your legs over Doyoungs lap before pausing, "W-wait,"

The others immediately halt, awaiting your words.

"Jungwoo's still so hard, and he hasn't touched himself. I should help him." You let out, starting at the male who you started this all with.

"Yuta's got it." Doyoung speaks, while the other male composes himself. "Right?"

The oldest smirks, wordlessly reaching over as Jungwoo's face grows red. He wraps his hand around the base of the youngers shaft and starts moving, kitty licking the tip as Jungwoo moans out.

"D-don't stop, I want to see you and Doyoung." Jungwoo gasps, locking eyes with you before squirming at Yuta's actions. It's not like it was the first time they had done this, but it felt so different every time, especially now that he was taking him wholly in his mouth.

You grow wetter at the sight of your roommates getting each other off, now you see why they like to watch so badly. Yuta looked so pretty with his mouth full of cock while Jungwoo moaned like a bitch in heat and clawed at his bed sheets. Not to mention that Yuta had grown hard again, his own hand snaking down to touch himself.

Doyoung lines himself up, his tip pushing past your walls as you slowly sink down. The stretch burning slightly even though you had been fucked already. You couldn't help but hiss, he was just too big.

You bounce a few times as Doyoung digs his nails into your hips. He's more quiet than Yuta, but less composed. You weren't sure he'd have much to say if he could manage to talk. The most you catch from him are quiet groans and deep breaths.

His eyes don't leave your cunt, directed towards where your bodies meet. He's never felt anything so good, not even his state of the art toys his viewers brought him made him feel this way.

“Need it off.” You mutter, reaching below you towards Doyoung’s cock. He hisses as you pry at the tip, harshly pulling the rubber condom off. You throw the item across the room, bringing your hand back to sink down on him as the other boys watch in awe. 

Jungwoo's quick to intervene, “But-”

“We’ll get her a Plan B.” Yuta reassures him as he comes up for air, and you take notice of the way Jungwoo’s face falls for some reason.

You continue bouncing as Doyoung grabs one of your boobs in his hands. You bite your lip at the feeling, mind already halfway to mush as you continue to spear yourself on his cock. “Feels so good.”

He growls as he meets your hips at an animalistic pace. He finally gains the reserve to speak. Teeth gritting, “You feel better than I imagined, slutty pussy dragging me in.” 

Jungwoo pushes Yuta's head down farther as the other teases, while the other gags at the action. The sounds of slurping register in your ears as you look back that way. You almost cum at the sight.

Jungwoo's face twists as he releases into Yuta's mouth, the latter swallowing it without a qualm. Jungwoo can feel himself growing hard again though. The squelch of your body parts melding together has Jungwoo's head spinning even though he already came.

Yuta snarks as he gets onto his knees, pushing his dick into the youngers face. "Your turn, put those pretty lips to use."

Jungwoo's eyes never leave your body as he opens his mouth. Now, if you thought Yuta looked good like that, nothing compared to how Jungwoo looked. So pliant and content to be helping his friend out.

Doyoung brings your attention back to him as he grabs your jaw, "I'm giving it to you so good that you're shaking yet you're staring at them instead?"

You shake your head, grinding down harder on Doyoung's dick as you stop bouncing, knees growing sore. "I'm sorry-"

He scoffs, grip tightening on your jaw. "No you're not."

"I-" You huff, hearing Jungwoo's pretty noises echo in your head as you fight every bone in your body to turn and look.

"Shut up," He cuts you off. "Look at me when I'm fucking you."

You nod as he thrusts up into you. You whine as he holds you in place, using you like a flesh light of his own design. All you can do is take it, feeling his tip kiss your insides with every thrust. Felt like he was rearranging your guts.

He pounds into you with such vigor that you wonder how he has the strength for it all. You try your best to meet his thrusts but he hardly gives you time to.

You would've never guessed the unbothered Kim Doyoung would be into fucking this rough. The more you know, you guessed.

You shout out, "I'm cumming!"

His speed doesn't falter, and he continues fucking you through your second orgasm of the night. He continues as you whimper at your sensitivity, hoping he was close.

"P-pull out," You sputter out, suddenly reminded that you two were going at it raw.

"I will," He responds, before he's moaning out. "Fuck, lift up."

"O-okay." You say, pulling yourself up slightly as his cock springs back onto his abs, covering his stomach in his release.

"That was so hot." You admit, sitting on the bed.

He blinks, "Yeah?"

You barely manage to turn as Yuta shoots his load out onto Jungwoo's face. His face looking ethereal as licks some of it off of his lips.

Yuta's about to say something when Doyoung speaks, "Yuta, lets go take a bath."

Yuta looks confused, not catching the others hint. "Now?"

Doyoung rolls his eyes, "So we can clean up."

"You're hard again, aren't you?"

The other shoots him a glare, clenching his teeth. "Let's go."

He basically drags the other out of the room as you two watch in confusion. Yuta bids, "See you later."

You stay quiet, unable to move without your body aching. Though you feel sudden energy to keep going as you look beside you.

Jungwoo leans over you and brushes your hair out of your face, and it feels more apparent that its just the two of you in the room. “You okay?” 

“I’m a little sore, but I’m fine.” You admit, wincing a bit as you move your legs in an attempt to sit up. Jungwoo shakes his head as he stops you though. 

“If you're not feeling okay-" He starts but you quickly shut him down,

You tilt your head. "But I've waited so long for you."

However, you can barely focus on his words as you take in his disheveled appearance. God, you wanted to kiss him so badly. Again. 

He grabs your chin gently, lifting it up to kiss you more, and you can almost taste Yuta on him. He takes his time as you feel the urge to press up against him, ignoring the pain in your legs that the others left in their wake. 

“Baby, don’t tease me there.” He whines, stopping the kiss. 

Yet you don’t cease your actions, wanting to hear more of his needy voice. “I want you so bad, Jungwoo.” 

His eyes meet yours, hesitance behind them. “Really, are you sure?” 

“Unless you don’t to-” 

“No no, I want to.” He responds, meeting your lips again. He’s more sure of himself this time, hand snaking to touch your cunt.

You're one hundred percent sure you were in love with Jungwoo. But who was counting?

Before you knew what was happening, he was throbbing inside you. Your cunt spent from the other two, but so willing to take him in as well. He was much bigger than you imagined, but once he was inside you, it was like he lost all semblance of control.

You almost wanted to laugh, what happened to the Jungwoo that was being almost mean to you earlier? Was he so drained that he forgot?

He had you in missionary, long slow thrusts pressing into you as you whimper. He caged you under him, hand holding yours as he used the other for balance. He went in for another kiss again, soft like he was scared you were going to break.

Being with him felt different, of course the others felt good but there was a clear line drawn in the sand with them. Yuta was a performer, he got off to the others looking at him put on a show. Doyoung didn't seem like he was focused on you as much either, and was more about himself.

But Jungwoo? He seemed to be worried about you and only you.

"You're so pretty." He mutters, looking into your eyes.

"P-pretty?" You ask, his length still bullying into you.

"I think you're gorgeous." He confirms, wanting to go in for another kiss.

"Jungwoo..." You wrap your hands around his shoulders as you pull him closer. "I think I like you."

He looks shocked at this, pausing his strokes. "Really?"

You smile, "Yes, really."

"But I'm just me." He avoids eye contact. "You're out of my league and I'm just this dork who studies mechanics! And are you sure you like someone who films himself-"

You interrupt him with a kiss, slipping your tongue past his mouth as you only pull away when you need air. "I don't care about any of that, I like you."

He smiles, "If you hadn't noticed, I've had a thing for you since that day in class when you sat next to me. I was so bummed you weren't even in that class and was just hoping I saw you again."

"Well, I'm glad we found our way back to each other."

"Me too." He speaks before pressing his face into your neck, mumbling as he continues his actions.

You two continue in almost silence, basking in pure love for each other as only small whimpers echo throughout the room. Everything that needed to be said already had been. You two were definitely going to have a long talk after this.

Living with the boys was no longer temporary, it was now your permanent place of residence. Especially since you had packed up your things and moved into your boyfriends room, granting Yuta access back to his room.

Things had been going well. Midterms went smoothly, Jungwoo was great (The sex was too), and you had landed that job you applied for!

You had even made an appearance in your boyfriends job, with masks of course, but nonetheless his viewers ate it up. Now they even sent comments in begging you to start your own channel, but you think you're far from that.

Things weren't awkward with the boys either, in fact, it feels good to have everything open in the air. There weren't any secrets anymore and things just felt like they were almost back to normal.

Breaking the news to Mark and Haechan was definitely... a scene. Mark was heartbroken on Lee Jeno's behalf while Haechan was more worried about how he was the only friend who hadn't gotten to tap that. To which Mark corrected that he hadn't either, which just led to a mess of a conversation.

People were definitely caught off guard when the news of you together broke. Many thought the pairing was funny.

Those like Haechan and Mark thought you had gone mad. And Jungwoo's studious admirers shuddered at how he could be with someone as provocative as you. Ha! If only they knew.

Jungwoo placed an object in front of you, proud of his efforts. "Here it is, the finished scale model."

You pick up the small jet in your hands, giggling at its design. "I love it, it looks like a tiny plane."

"It's a fighter jet!" Doyoung corrects as he joins you both in the kitchen.

You roll your eyes, "I'm aware, I helped paint the stupid thing."

"Stupid?" Jungwoo gasps dramatically.

"That's not what I-"

"Nope." He stops you. "Too late, the damage has been done."

"Jungwoo, don't be dramatic." You plead, though his eyes are already bulging out of his head.

He places his hand on his chest as he pretends to be hurt. "I'm going to go cry and throw up in my room."

"Dear lord," You begin before he runs off to his room. You've grown used to his antics by now. "Guess I have to go reassure him now."

Doyoung snorts, "Gross."

"Not like that, you pervert!"

"Who said I even was talking about that! You made it all dirty!" He retorts back when Yuta enters the room.

"Contrary to popular belief, we don't just fuck every chance we get."

"Tell that to my ears! You guys keep me up most nights, it's so annoying." Yuta complains. "The walls are thin, you know!"

You giggle, walking out of the room to find your sulky boyfriend as you shrug. "Deal with it."

The two watch as you're out of sight, Doyoung pouring himself water for his tea. He notices the look on the others face as he pats him on the shoulder. "You ever regret it?"

"Regret what?"

"Not telling her."

Yuta sighs, looking down before he shakes his head. "No. Jungwoo makes her happy, and that's good enough for me."

Doyoung chuckles, "We could switch rooms, if you want."

"It's all good, It's not that bad."

"You like listening don't you-"

"I'm going to slap you if you finish that sentence."

[butterscotchpiesandguys]

Student Becomes the Teacher

It was a familiar experience to me, getting in my car, going to class early, doing homework. Felt nice. Of course what was also familiar was the bullying. You see I had recently gotten fired and had a wake up call. I needed to do something better with my life. So what did I do? i, as someone so smart would do, joined a technical institute. I went into a more financial side though. This did not make me popular with my classmates who had been there longer, were usually older, and most of which were more hands on.

They would call me a nerd, a loser, and a geek. Of course I didn't care all too much about this. Harassment was just that, and quite frankly it was some annoying dumb ass adults who couldn't even think straight enough to get a job that was actually needed. This attitude also made me very unpopular. So unpopular a teacher complained. Why? Cause he had heard some of the stuff me and my field would say about the welders.

It was just stuff like how they're stupid, all have at least one DUI, won't amount to anything. Stuff like that. He went so far to complain to the head administrator of the school. Now he used to be an electrician so he knew how it was to be hands on. He loved hearing about all of this and hatched a plan. The workload for the welders had been pretty overwhelming for just one instructor...

It was only a few days before I heard murmurs of a new instructor coming on campus, of course it was some welder... not like my section could get anything. But that same week I was called into an office at campus. I expected nothing much, maybe an odd thing I lost, although what it was I could not imagine... what I didn't expect was the head administrator.

"Hello [Y/N], we just wanted to talk to you today." Oh god what was it about, he could see how nervous I was. It was humiliating but also I needed to try and keep cool. "We had received some complaints about your attitude towards the welders and electricians, I just wanted to go through a few questions with you, that ok?"

Without knowing what to do I nodded, "Y-yes sir." I gulped a bit.

"Good, so first... is it true you had said to Taylor that he was a... no good stoner with no future? Is that true?" I tried to shake my head no but it went the opposite way. "Ah, glad you were honest with me. Well... you know here we like to give second chances to anyone right?" I shook my head in agreement. "In that case, any felonies you have?"

What felonies? What kind of- "Yeah, actually I've had a dui or two, got arrested for a fight or two... or more." What was I saying?! What the hell?!

"I appreciate your honesty... Tom was it?" What kind of name was that? It wasn't my name at all? Wait why did I nod?! "Yeah, well that's gonna be tough but your students generally would relate. The head administrator smiled at me. "We can wave those away since your track record for your work is pretty good."

"Glad to hear that." I said again in that weird voice. What the hell was happening... why did I suddenly remember welding and shit... What the hell...

"Yeah... I think you'll fit right in, Tom." Why was he being so devilish right now?!

"Thanks man, really need this." I chuckled as I stood up and walked out of the room. "Startin next thursday right?"

"Yup! Just wear somethin like that when you come in! We'll get a shirt in your size soon!" He laughed as I walked out, the window in the door showing a new reflection.

My face was more dashing, a bit older as well. My hair was messy but in an almost purposeful way. My body had grown quite a bit of muscle now... hair as well. Tattoos had been put on my body frivolously! I looked like some typical douche bag!

I walked through the halls, trying to see on my phone what had happened. My background was a picture of a motorcycle. Jessie... what? Who the hell was Jessie? My contacts had some girls in there and some guys I had no clue who they were. Going through the messages they were my drinking buddies and some hookups.

I continued until the electrician teacher stopped to talk. "Hey are you..." I wanted to say my actual name but that didn't pop out.

"Yeah, name's Thomas Wylder. You can just call me Tom though." I smiled at her... it was like my body moved on it's own. "New teacher here, welding." Wait...

We started to talk in the hall for a bit, just about staff in the school and how the welders were. She described them as younger than me and rowdy. I would make douchey comments or state shit about my life. Where I now lived, how many years I had been a welder and in the union. It was like I wasn't even me anymore. Eventually I cut it short, needing to go do some "tasks" at my home.

I went outside to find it... the same motorcycle from the picture. Jessie. I put on a leather jacket and no helmet... I could ride it with no issue though. I was still wondering how or why this happened. It was as if I was... no... the head administrator wouldn't do that would he?

I eventually got back to wherever my home was. Beaten up shithole kinda... not in a good neighborhood either. I waved to a neighbor and went in. Smelt like shit, I reached in my pocket and took out a cig and started smoking... no... I was the worst kind of person. The kind I hated. Dumb, arrogant, douchey, and toxic! It was awful!

2 MONTHS HAD GONE BY

I was now regularly teaching the class, about two weeks into this hellish experience I had started to regain full control of my life. While I tried to actually stop these worse traits, I couldn't. By that point they were ingrained into me. Now I acted like a douchey teacher, the kinds you hate. The ones that will just tease or make fun of nerdy kids. Of course I was well loved by the staff and my students.

I worked as a welder and taught the trade now. I hated it... but it gave me money to pay the lifestyle I never wanted. I don't think I deserved this but... I'm slowly coming around to it. I feel more confident and hey, I even hang out with some of the douchebags I had teach me when I went here... god I sound so old now... I hope someday I can reverse this before it's way too late.

[queencaramilflinda]

Ankarna really said: “what injustices have you faced bc you had no power to make change? what injustices did you cause that you would like to make right? What kind of restorative justice would make you feel better about the situation?” and most of the PCs were just like “idk. it’s in the nothing I can do about it now” instead of. you know. taking the opportunity to finish their season arcs.

Fig should’ve brought justice to her mom by summoning her and telling her that she knows about Bobby Dawns abuse and grooming, and then reassure her mom that that was not her fault and a deep injustice in her life. Maybe then they would ask Ankarna to kill Bobby Dawn (bc also he was aware of and on board with the Porter/Jace scheme?? did we all just forget that??) or give Sandra Lynn the chance to move on.

Kristen said the stuff about her parents was in the past, but for her brothers it’s still incredibly current and real. She talks about wanting a sister but she has 3 brothers she abandoned when she escaped her parents. She could have addressed that injustice by summoning her brothers or altering a memory with them where she told them about how she felt trapped with her parents and how oppressive Helio could be and how she found something so much more freeing, tell her brothers to come with her or give them a chance to spend more time with her. (or could have talked about being failed by Bobby Dawn for no reason!)

Fabians scene with his dad was fine but it was a plot point that’s kind of already been resolved a long time ago. He feels like his father put pressure on him to follow in his footsteps, we spent 2 seasons on that already. Why didn’t he call for his mom, express anger abt the injustice of her emotionally neglecting him for his entire childhood through her addiction and then getting sober and immediately physically neglecting and then effectively replacing him with another child?

Adaine could have talked to Aguefort or the Wizard teacher about the classist injustice of making the wizard students pay so much money for materials, something she resolved for herself but is still going to be a problem for students in the future.

Riz had the right idea of talking to his friends but I wish it had been more the injustice of him having to support them all the time while also being a full time student and in all the extra curriculars because he couldn’t afford college otherwise. Yes he pushed his friends but also like. when you have ADHD (like Kristen and Fig and I do) that kind of push can make all the difference. (he also could have talked about the injustice of college costing so much and having to get perfect grades and do all the extracurriculars.)

IMO Gorgug was the only one who really understood the assignment. It wasn’t about smiting whoever hurt you it’s about recognizing that change can’t be made without having the passion and drive to make it happen. Ankarna is the manifestation of righteous anger and new beginnings, the embodiment of “if not now then when? If not me then who?” But with the exception of Gorgug none of the Bad Kids really dealt with this theme. There’s a very real middle ground between egotism or anger for the sake of anger, and forgive and forget/complete complacency with the way things are.

I just feel like there was a perfect opportunity to tie up loose ends, finish character arcs, and summarize the seasons theme through these scenes that didn’t happen.

[marivoid]

Another day in the G.U.I.D.E…

And I have some great news for once! Yesterday was my 17th birthday! Meaning I got to speak to our Admin about my job in the future. There are a lot of jobs to do in the G.U.I.D.E, I know, but I want to do something great! Something good for the people in the G.U.I.D.E! I’ll ask our Admin about becoming his apprentice! Maybe then I’ll be able to make our home even better for the future generations to come!

Yours Truly 

MLW. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Another day in the G.U.I.D.E

Coming at you with another update! I got to speak with him the day after I last wrote here and would you believe it! He needs an apprentice to take over when his time passes. And who better than the kid who has been helping around the G.U.I.D.E ever since he was a baby! I start my training tomorrow- Heck! He will even tell me what G.U.I.D.E means! Its not something that is taught during schooling because we need to be at least Green Names, but with this apprenticeship? I’ll be even higher than a Green Name! A purple name! One of the best ranks a G.U.I.D.E member could ever get their hands on! Of course I only want to use this position for good! I want to make this G.U.I.D.E better for everyone! Increase production of food and water, maybe expand our farms to allow for more cattle and slaughter animals- Heck! I may be able to speak to the Watchers themselves! Ask them to help us out! That is what they are meant to do as the founders of the G.U.I.D.Es! 

I’ll update this as soon as I can. 

Yours Truly

MLW

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Another day in the G.U.I.D.E… 

It has been one hell of a busy week! Our admin, TinFoilChef (TFC for short) showed me so many things that I had never thought possible! We have huge computers running the G.U.I.D.E and keeping up the production of our bare necessities- Oh! Right! G.U.I.D.Es! I know what the acronym stands for! It sounds a bit silly (And the way TFC explained it sounded even weirder) but it still is pretty cool!

Government

Units

In Case Of

DIsastrous 

Events. 

It sounds silly, huh? Government Units? What, was there some sort of world outside of the G.U.I.D.Es before my time? Psh, please! They would have taught us those sorts of things! The Watchers would want us to know absolutely everything we possibly could to better the G.U.I.D.Es! I mean, what would be the point in hiding that kind of information? 

Anyways- Back to TFC! He’s absolutely amazing! He reminds me of my own grandfather. Kind heart, big beard, long white hair always pulled back in a bun or braid- He’s also really smart! He’s got this huge office filled to the brim with all these cool books and journals. When I asked him about it, he said I could read them in my free time when I was done with my daily training! 

I’ve also been officially promoted to a Purple Name! I get to go practically anywhere in the G.U.I.D.E! And my friend, Scott, he gets to stick around with me! I think he really likes that I’m including him on my exploration of the G.U.I.D.Es. I mean, why wouldn’t I? He’s been my best friend for years now! I’m not about to leave him behind just because I’m a Purple Name!

That’s enough for one night. I really got to rest up or else I’ll be exhausted tomorrow- Not a good look for TFC’s apprentice to have bags under his eyes!

Yours Truly 

MLW

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Another day in the G.U.I.D.E.

Sorry it's been a month since I’ve last written here. I have been… Learning a lot of stuff. A lot more than what I thought was possible. 

There is a whole world outside of the G.U.I.D.Es. A destroyed, broken, contaminated world that just wants to kill everyone- But a world nonetheless. A world that had people! It had buildings and farms and transportation, things we all have down here, but on a huge scale! 

TFC is happy that I am willing to learn so much! He says he’s never seen a more eager student. But.. He said that I have to be careful with telling people this stuff. That it can overwhelm people in the G.U.I.D.Es and that we have to keep their faith in the Watchers- But surely he does not mean to hide it from Scott! There’s no way he could. I do not want to hide such knowledge from him. He is one of the only people I can truly trust! 

I will have to speak to TFC in the morning about it. I… I need to have my best friend by my side. I don’t know what I’d do without Scott. Hell I don’t think I would be alive without him- Let alone be sane! 

I’ll see what happens tomorrow. 

Yours Truly

MLW

Another day in the G.U.I.D.E

TFC said to not let Scott know. That I have to hide this from him. 

To lie to his face. 

I don’t know what to say. 

MLW

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Another day in the G.U.I.D.E…

No. Fuck that. 

Log 1

It has been exactly three months and twelve days since I have wrote a log. Training to become an Admin is difficult. There are so many things to learn, things that I must keep hidden away and tell nobody. 

Scott noticed within the first week. And yet I cannot tell him the truth. I have to keep quiet. I cannot tell a single soul. 

But his face… He knows I am lying to him. He looks so hurt every time I have to tell him that he can’t visit my quarters. That we cannot hang out because of my training. I… I missed his 17th birthday. I missed him getting assigned his job. I missed everything. What the fuck kind of shit friend misses a 17th birthday? 

Me. I’m the shit friend. 

Tonight I need to get to him. I need to tell him I’m sorry. I need to let him know what is going on. I can’t keep hiding this from Scott. If I am allowed to know about these kinds of things, then he should be allowed to know. Scott’s my best friend. I can’t imagine a world without him by my side and keeping me sane. 

End Log - MLW

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Log 2

He kissed me. 

I don’t know what to think right now. 

He’s sleeping in my bed right now as I write this. He seemed drunk off of something. We don’t have beer or alcohol down in the G.U.I.D.Es so it may just be his emotions? I don’t know.

At first Scott was so happy to see me! I managed to sit down with him, congratulate him on his new job and celebrate the way we were supposed to! We had the music blaring and even made a really shitty cake… And then the next thing I know he’s kissing me. I don’t think he meant it. Not with the way he jumped back and began to apologize over and over again. That was when he got really upset. Started crying and telling me how he missed us being together. Missed our late nights watching horrible G.U.I.D.E films and pretending to chart stars. How he hated seeing me turning my back to him and hiding everything from him.

I can’t say I don’t feel the same. I miss those dumb activities and laughing our asses off until five am… By the Watchers what am I getting myself into? Do I chase this? Let that little moment become more? I wouldn’t… I don’t think I would be entirely against that idea. He’s my best friend! Would allowing us to be more really be all that bad?

What would TFC think? Would he be proud of me? He said to keep this information close to my chest but Scott is close to my chest! He’s got a spot in my heart that I can’t ever get rid of. 

I just have to hope TFC will understand in the morning… But right now, I have a bed to get back to. And a friend I need to be with. 

Maybe something more than a friend. Who knows? 

I’ll update in the morning. 

End Log - MLW

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Log 3

He’s gone.

Scott is missing.

He left. 

TFC won’t look me in the eye. 

What have I done?

End Log - MLW

[inhuman-obey-me]

If obey me wasnt a otome game what do you think will be different? And it makes me laugh that we are romanticising the devil which just seems so funny. Ik its a game but its just a funny concept

Okay but we love romancing the devil. More games should let us smooch Lucifer/other demon royalty. Please.

But this is a fun thing to think about!

(long game design rambles below the cut)

Even if Obey Me was still a visual novel game but without the romance, there is a lot that could change. We'd have a lot less of the characters vying for the player's attention, meaning the game would also be less prone to gag-type situations and allow for a consistently more serious storyline. It could be something like Twisted Wonderland, where the MC still has a role but it isn't as big nor central to the conflicts and problems of the story, thus playing more of an observer role.

The devs actually mentioned in early videos that when making the game, they had to scale back some of their ideas because they "didn't want it to feel too much like an adventure game" and still focus on the romance since it was a dating sim. Interestingly, Nightbringer seems to be testing the waters on this now and going back to a more dramatic story, so maybe we'll actually get to see that kind of adventure vibe now!

If the game was still following the main points of gathering pacts with the demon brothers...well, maybe we really are just becoming Solomon 2.0 at that point, new title is Solomon Simulator 2023 BC. But really, there would probably be less of MC playing therapist and more letting us have adventures of our own, exploring the world in various ways. Hell, MC might even be living in Purgatory Hall with the other exchange students instead of oddly being the only one put in the House of Lamentation. And this more adventurous theming could also be reflected in events, with more AU themes (Pirates, Spies, Circus, etc) that allow for more fun event storylines that aren't so focused on "romantic" situations and fanservice moments.

Going along with that, we would likely get more character variety in a non-otome game, since it wouldn't be trying to make every character (except Luke) dateable or potentially future-dateable -- less ikemen, more non-male characters, maybe more body diversity! And because there'd be no expectation of romance, you could have more outright hostility too. Maybe Mephisto and Raphael could have actually fulfilled the more aggressive or antagonistic personalities they had been hinted to have! There might also be more of a canonical MC character personality too, since part of the reason it's left more open and vague is to let players self-insert for the romance. This could allow for more narration from MC as well.

Now, if we step away from the Visual Novel style, that could open up a whole new world of possibilities! Imagining OM as more of a fantasy RPG? Super fun thought.

Other characters could potentially be playable, and if so, we could perhaps see more of the characters without MC needing to be in the scene, allowing for more interactions between different characters outside the current format of occasional side/hard-mode stories.

We'd probably get a truer combat system too, even if we were just fighting random minor demons or something like the Little D's in Nightbringer's gameplay. (Apparently the only instruction the team got in making the original game was "it needs dance battles"???) The characters' skills could also be more unique to the characters since it wouldn't have to fit the rhythm/dance game format, so stuff like summoning Lotan could actually be a useful powerful thing instead of just a running gag! In fact, we could see way more powerful magic from all the characters, which would be great since OM as it is now just always conveniently forgets that these are extremely powerful demons for the sake of setting up random shenanigan situations.

A combat mechanic could also add to the narrative design of the game -- what better way to show us what a scary and dangerous place the Devildom is than to have the player have to defend themselves while navigating through it? Or imagine the characters' relationships with one another actually mattering to the gameplay, like Beel and Belphie getting a boost if they're in the party together, as with Fire Emblem's support system! Simeon being a healing angel member of the party at the start and then actually tangibly losing that as a combat ability when that part of the story happened? It would certainly hit different, that's for sure.

The story also wouldn't be confined to the 20-lesson format in that case, which could give more room for fleshing things out properly. And with a freer adventure-based storyline, it might also be a lot less focus on RAD, or maybe it wouldn't be a school setting at all! Perhaps it would focus more on the inter-realm diplomacy parts of the story. Plus, some aspects could get relegated to more environmental storytelling and interactable objects around you, leaving character interactions freed up to focus more on actual events going on.

And speaking of character interactions, there could also be a more complex and interesting system for relationships in a more RPG style game. Instead of an intimacy bar that only ever goes up and doesn't directly impact story events, you could have a more complex interaction event system, like in Telltale stuff or Mass Effect. That could still include romance without it being the central point of the game, and maybe they would also hold grudges over certain decisions, which could feed back into the combat system somehow. Unlike now, you wouldn't be able to go back to change your decisions, but there's a lot of replayability potential there.

Of course, the downside to all that it's way more work to make...game dev is hard, after all! So updates would be slower, it'd probably cost a whole lot more, and it's probably not feasible as a mobile game anymore then. But hey, a game like that would be pretty damn cool.

[dangerously-human]

Still fighting for my life with tuition benefit stuff, in case anyone was wondering. I would like to submit my request for this semester, but we're still duking it out over last semester because of a problem from over a year ago and I don't want to swing at two hornet nests at once, so. Took every single dollar out of my savings account to pay tuition for this semester and am just praying I can get reimbursed before another rent check needs to go out (and Lord willing, my car won't need massive repairs at inspection this year). I'm doing an actual research study for my mixed methods class this semester, and the professor keeps saying she's fine with giving us an incomplete so we have another year to wrap it up in order to actually get something meaningful out of it. I finally talked to her last night to explain that I cannot afford to take another incomplete and ask how I could do a legitimate study on such a condensed timeline. Thankfully she was understanding and came up with an idea I think will work, since it involves basically just doing the quantitative portion under an existing protocol at work and a qualitative portion that doesn't count as human subjects research, so I don't have to deal with an IRB pissing contest between institutions, nor the debatable ethics of collecting data without compensating people for their time, given that it's unfunded research (and I really can't afford to pay people out of pocket when I'm already paying through the nose to be in this class in the first place). I'm still reworking my research plan, but I do feel a lot better about this in comparison to my plan as of last week, which would have required either submitting to both IRBs (and my work IRB is notorious for having different standards than most, and they/the data lawyers that often end up getting involved move slowly in this kind of situation) or submitting twice to my university IRB, once per phase.

Anyway, dealing with all of this today had me looking at what I really have left to do before I graduate. I'm halfway through the program now, though it feels like I've done way more. After I'm done with this class, which meets my advanced methods requirement (although round 2 of statistics probably did too), I have to eventually go back and take the foundations of the program course that was a scheduling conflict my first semester and somehow hasn't been offered since; another research apprenticeship (I'll probably write another manuscript, ideally one that's already been in progress for a bit at work - if I can get a loan, maybe I can do that this summer with my brief report I'm first authoring); plus two electives, which I was hoping to concentrate on measure design but would also happily do more advanced statistics courses if I'm allowed to take them through the school of psychology (I've tapped out the school of ed on that score). I guess I should ask if I'm allowed to say my job counts as an internship, which from the course catalog it looks like it should, but idk. Theoretically that puts me graduating... fall '25? Maybe? I could go so much faster if it weren't for the financial aspect. I do have to meet with an advisor at some point, but I still don't have one at the moment (again), which really seems like a problem for future me to figure out. But future me before May, because I think I'm still recorded as supposed to graduate this semester, even though it's been clear from the beginning that I was not a full-time student. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

They really do make this grad school thing as complicated as possible, don't they?

[silveraura]

Join the party campaign 2 ending spoilers

(I know it's been out for a while, but I'm also behind, so the spoiler warning is just in case)

Alright yesterday I finally finished listening to JTP campaign 2 and it made me tear up. So a little context to my day: I had just been hit with a rent increase and me and my housemate realised our basic rent is higher than we thought (and now even higher), so we won't be getting any rent allowence from the government after my birthday like we thought. Basically, it was a huge dissapointment and made me want to cry about capitalism.

So then I go do other stuff and start listening to the final bits of the finale episode. (Insert obligatory "what the fuck Eric?", but like, lovingly, because it was so good). Multitool makes the ultimate sacrifice, and asks for people to be able to do what they want without having to worry about earning enough to live. I feel a lump in my throat. That's a beautiful wish if I ever heard one, and my god do I want to not worry about rent rn.

Eric plays a scene between two people in a grocery store. It's so simple, yet it makes me wish to live in that world so much. The symbolism of the stretched out hand makes me tear up. I have so many things I want to do and a big source of worry and stress is money. I'm not even doing bad, I'm fine. If necessary I could even lean on my parents, that would just be complicated. It's just that every soul in my body wants to reject capitalism. I don't understand the economy (and barely want to) and investing. I have student debt and the safest way to get myself out of that after my studies is to keep working in this field, even if I am currently much more motivated about my dreams of writing books and doing art than my studies.

I know some people are gonna read this and think I'm acting like a child, and I should suck it up. It's not that bad, I don't have much to complain about. And they're right, in a way. I live in a world where I can escape to others, like the worlds of Join the Party, and honestly it helps me cope. But every now and then these fantasy worlds become so idealistically reachable but realistically fantastical that it hurts. It's not an insane farfetched idea to have universal basic income. But it feels terrifying to hope to transform the current systems of the world so much to allow for something so nice, because most things don't promise we're heading in that direction. As a gen z young adult I can barely dream of owning a house in the future, because our current housing market would have to annihilate itself will I ever get the chance to buy anything that permanent at all.

Anyway, long post, many thoughts, some tears. The conclusion is that I love Join the Party and they make me keep wishing for a better world. I'm not a pessimistic person, just some days the world hits me in the face and makes me cry a little. Those days I dream of hugging January, questioning doctor Morrow about physics, asking Val for advice about being queer and fashion and a bunch of things, nerding out with Milo, petting Tuna and Pizza, sharing oldest sibling struggle stories with Aggie, and much more. And maybe some people who read this feel the same.

[marta-bee]

There’s a reposted tweet making the rounds, of how a world where humans do the hard workthrough low-paid jobs while robots make art and literature wasn’t the future they imagined, and it’s getting under my skin. I really don’t think it’s meant the way I’m reading it. There’s probably a bit of tonedeafness excused by being in pain from the people sharing it, or me imposing my own thoughts on it. Probably a bit of both. Still, it’s bothering me, and better out than in I think.

See, there are quite a lot of working class people, white men in particular, who’ve found a lot of purpose and dignity in doing physically hard jobs; and suffered from the loss of that purpose and dignity when those jobs were mechanized. Manual labor like mining and lumbering trees, factory jobs, even menial jobs at big box stores.

Subjective dignity, I mean: they felt dignified by doing good honest work that required strength, or, more recently, persevering through whatever the boss-man threw at you. At being able to provide for their families, or the illusion of that as the actual wages made it harder and harder to do just that. I don’t think it’s particularly good dignity, and I wish the found that purpose in building communities and actually loving and raising their kids and supporting their friends and what-not. (Not that working-class people don’t do that, too.) I personally think any job that can be done by a robot should, so long as we find a way to share society’s resources so those not needed to do mechanizable labor can still live a good life. (And that’s the tricky bit, isn’t it?) But the fact I disagree with where they found that dignity doesn’t change the fact that they’re experiencing a loss through mechanization and automation. Loss of purpose, of power and control over their lives, of pride at accomplishing something hard and being able to make life easier for the people they love.

What I hear in things like that tweet is people saying that hard word those people took such pride and purpose from is garbage work, fit only for machines, whereas art is the proper work of humans. Which feels dismissive toward the pain of people not like them, who never assumed art could be a career, or a full-time endeavor. Mostly they were too tired to do much of it at all. It seems classist if I was going to put an -ist label on it. And that stings, because I remember being a doctoral student in a program with people who grew up with a lot more money than I had, who had this sort of confidence that sitting around and thinking about theory was their assumed and rightful place. I had to scrounge to fund my education, and most of my family and friends and neighbors were much more likely to work their asses off in factories or at Walmart than they were to be disappointed they had to work as baristas while they waited on their art or writing or music to make them enough money they didn’t have to do that anymore.

As I said, I really don’t think this kind of talk was meant this way. I feel silly even putting it into words, and I certainly don’t mean to be flippant toward folks who do create art professionally or hope to. But seeing the work a lot of people around me found purpose in as the kind of job fit only for machines? That’s hit a bit close to home.

The meaning I’m taking from the whole AI shitstorm is that people need something meaningful to work for, and ideally they need to find it in a place that’s actually worthy of giving them meaning, something authentically dignifying; and that being told, no, this thing you thought let you be worthy of respect and dignity is actually easily done by machines and people only care about the output and not what you put into it? Well, that hurts, no matter who you are. Unity and mutual support between blue-collars and creative-types, and maybe (dare we dream) finding a way to put bread on all our plates so we’re free to invest in the stuff that matters. Not making yourself feel better because really you’re better than those people who are rightly replaceable by robots, no matter what the boss tries to do.

I don’t know. Probably I’m reading too much into this attitude; or writing over it with my own insecurities that really don’t have anything to do with what’s being said. Still: it’s pressing a nerve, and that nerve’s aching quite badly, no doubt about it.

[cryingatships]

I was rewatching Dangerous Romance for Reasons, and there's sooo many stuff happening in the background, but this dinnertime conversation between Kanghan and his father made me think a little deeper.

Kanghan first brings up the topic of him running for the school president. His grandmother encourages him, saying how proud she'll be to have her son and grandsons be successful in their own areas.

"I could tell the whole neighborhood about it."

Very typical Asian elder talk. C'mon Asian ppl of ql tumblr, we've all heard about how the kid next door is the student representative/won an essay competition/ranked first in the exam/plays a sport in the state level/is good at singing etc etc etc right

Maybe a little very annoying (if you're not running for the school president, that is) but matches up with reality. Elders being proud of their kids' or grandkids' achievements, and more often than not pushing them to do better, to excel. You gotta do better than the other kids in academics/grades/sports/socialablity/arts etc etc

Then Kanghan's father speaks up and his words not only contrasts Kang's grandmother's (can I just call her granny from now? grandmother is too long a word) but with much of the usual way ('usual' cause I can't say every single parent/grandparent in Asia is the same) elders in Asia perceive the childrens' school life. Instead of telling Kanghan to work hard and do well, he actively *discourages* Kanghan to steer away from it.

"This kind of work is not easy, you know?"

"You don't want to do it. Trust me"

Now, I'm all for not stressing out kids. Personal experiences ahaha But this is actively restricting Kanghan from exploring and developing his interpersonal and leadership skills, which, I don't think any parent would want to do? Especially someone from the higher economic background, who would prefer their kids to be all shiny and nice. And this is also cutting off someone's chances of developing themselves, opening their wings to the world.... not the best thing a parent should do, certainly.

But it doesn't stop there. Mr. Father I forgot his name is not merely advising, or cautioning Kang. Instead, he is not leaving Kanghan with any decision to choose whether he actually wants to run or not. He's the one making Kanghan's choices, he's taking away Kanghan's agency.

His words appear to be full of care, concerned for Kang's safety. He just wants his son to enjoy his schools years fully.

"At your age, don't stress yourself out unnecessarily. Just have fun at school and hang out with your friends. Then come home to enjoy a good meal of food. Have a good night's sleep."

But, it just hits me as wrong. Idk why, maybe I'm picking too much, looking at all the wrong things and making the worst assumptions. But still, telling their children to only enjoy themselves and do nothing else... I don't feel like that's the best for their future life, not matter how much generational wealth they'll inherit. The need to show off kids is proportional to economic affluence, in my experience?? But ofc very variable

"These kind of thing suits you better. Trust me"

This line, especially. It makes it seem that Kanghan never had a choice. His father had made all the choices for his present and future based on the image of Kanghan he has created on his mind. Is his image actually true to reality? We don't know yet (it's only the 1st ep and I'm def digging too deep and pulling wild theories out of slowly-thickening-but-still-too-this air.)

Kanghan will be what his father wants him to be, what his father believes would suit him. Not so much of a caring father then, eh?

Another interesting thing is Kanghan's posture. He's tense, hunched, not meeting his father's eyes except for in quick, shifty glances. Completely different from his father's confident, smiley way of presenting himself. He's not smiling, he just listens and agrees quickly without saying a word of opposition, or bringing up his own views on the topic.

And in moments like these I wish I knew gifmaking because when these conversation is happening, Kanghan is fidgeting with the cutlery in his hand. He's nervous, stressed.

And his father, who doesn't want his son to be stressed, should atleast be able to tell how the atmosphere has turned heavy, right? but he doesn't seem t care much about stress on his son if he's the one behind the stress.

Now I'm no body language expert but these are some tell tale signs (though the context of Kang's nervousness can be due to some other history he has with his father, rather than emotional manipulation?)

"Have this, son."

And the obedient son is rewarded with a gift of affection. A show of care. Positive reinforcement. Whatever you wanna call it.

Kang tries to smile but of course he can not.

There's another thing, Grandmother, the oldest one at the table, who ought to have enough authority in the household to counter Mr Father, if not more (cause seniority, filial piety and all that), does not oppose him. Though she is not happy with the decision, and she also wants to see her grandson shine and smile.

Then we cut to the scene of Pimfah hope I'm not mistaking names again and Kanghan in the garden. Here, Kanghan seems fine, he's smiling, but he seems to have a dangerous (sadistic?but not in the fun way. also half title drop yay!) streak to him.

The whole dog discussion shivering and hugging my cats protectively.

"My father told me, if you want to tame a dog, don't be afraid to punish it to let it learn."

At first I thought he's just being his privileged rich oppress the poor talk that he's socialised into for being born into wealth.

But after thinking this way, could it be that the one getting punished and tamed, is actually Kanghan himself? With the way his father treats him, denial followed by care, and the way Kanghan does not even try to disobey his father's words... hmmm....

"They say if you hit a dog too much, it can become aggressive."

Being abused as a child lead to higher chances of the child turning abusive, a bully themselves in later life.

That said, whatever one faces in childhood or any other walks of life is NO excuse for further harming another person. Lots of abuse victims become activists, volunteers, or research into abuse prevention and participate in policy making, too.

But anyway, *if* abuse of truly happening in the father-son relationship, can we hope that Kanghan directs any resultant aggressiveness towards his father at the end of the show? Cause idk if a man of such power and wealth can be held accountable to the law... We didn't get this with Vegas but can I hope?

That said, the following dialogues has weakened my line of thought.

But then again media is always perceived differently by different people based on their socialisation and experiences so...

SO anyway, that's some of the scattered thoughts I had! This is probably not a correct observation (my guesses are never right, I'm not lucky at cards ueueue), and ep 2 will prove it wrong in a few hours. Can't say I'm not looking forward to that ehehe~ What consequences will Sailom face for his daring? Will the teacher get punched? Will Kanghan get beaten? (hopefully by Sailom or his friends and not by his father) Will Nawa get slapped? (Guy looks like he packs a mean slap, and Marc Pahun looks pretty af when he's miffed u.u) Will Pimfah have cute girlie? (I CAN HOPE), will we get to see Sailom's elder brother?

ALSO, since we have yet another politician and his rich, spoilt on the exterior son airing on Saturdays, my views have certainly been influenced, too. There are too many similarities (except Kanghan actually still has a mother figure?), so high chances I'm unconsciously projecting Senator Thattep and Tanthai's relationship on Kanghan and his father's. Maybe all they have is some coldness, or historym or issues regarding Kanghan's mother? The possibilities are not endless, but there's a lot u.u

[saltedcaramelchaos]

i blacked out and this appeared in a google doc. looks like its about @how-to-fail-at-ship-jumping-au's founder?? that’s weird, there’s not much that’s canon about her

(cw derealization ish, pov second person)

"We should start a film company," you say to your friend one day. You are both young, college students. Majoring in film, in fact.

He laughs. "Taking some initiative? Sure, why not. Might as well try, huh?"

----

Somewhat surprisingly, it actually works! Within a few years- pretty good acting by a small group you collected, a whole bunch of social media campaigning by your friend's girlfriend, and lots of late nights spent (if you may say so yourself) skillfully editing- "Showfall Media" takes off! It's not huge, of course, but you've reached enough people that you're making decent money from it. The two of you plan a metanarrative for the company, but other than referring to yourself as "the founder" on the aforementioned social media it never really comes to fruition.

----

Your friend has a son, and the kid's adorable! He cameos in the next show, and quickly becomes a fan favorite. You think he'd be a great addition to the cast and even better publicity, but your friend says otherwise. At the end of the day, it is his decision, you suppose.

----

"You know things about old tech and stuff, right?"

You lean back in your chair. "Yeah?" That's an understatement, you think. The office around you is full of scraps, circuit boards, and wires- they're really interesting to take apart and fiddle with!

"Ranboo found some... weird tapes in the woods. Can- would you mind checking them out?"

"I would be honored," you respond lightly.

----

You listen to the tapes.

the sound wraps around you like a blanket or maybe a noose- buzzing in your ears, down your neck, under your skin

you blink,

your mind is fuzzy, but not unpleasantly so.

you could get used to this

----

Everyone at work seems more tense than usual, especially your friend. If only there was something you could do about that...

----

"We're tanking hard," the stats person says. They point at a screen. "This month has-"

You push them out of the way to look. "No! Someone announce a new show and get Hetch writing something. We need to fix this."

They nod and stand up from the floor, trying to avoid your eyes. You hadn't meant to push them that hard.

you hear a faint whisper in your ear, but when you look there is no one there

----

You learn from one of the cast members that your friend's wife(?) has died. You can't decide whether to be frustrated that he didn't tell you, or grateful that you didn't have to worry about comfort.

you have experiments to do, after all! a voice whispers

----

Showfall continues losing viewers. Anyone not immediately relevant is fired or tested on. vague red lines appear, framing people's faces

You only give a moment's consideration to the fact that your materials are most of the budget. If you can fix this, everything will go back to normal! Most people avoid you now, and you welcome the time alone.

----

Your friend's son wanders in during a Q&A, and you realize how valuable of an asset he could be. the voices love him, and the audience does too! You befriend him before his father can mess anything up, and when your friend calls you angrily later that night, you remind him who controls his paycheck. You mean to mention your projects offhandedly, but you think he takes it as a threat. you guess that works too

----

Ranboo is indeed an excellent addition to the company! He fits right in with the actors, and is a pretty good one himself- the mask thing you're willing to overlook, especially because it creates a mystery for the viewers to solve. you can tell the voices love it. It doesn't affect you, anyway; you can't see anyone's face anymore because of the boxes. 

----

Eventually, the time comes to get rid of your friend. You'd known it would happen for a while: aside from the voices (which you're pretty sure are from the future) talking about him nonstop, he'd become completely useless to the company. And what a perfect opportunity to test the box! as a treat, you let the voices decide his fate

----

they let him live. unexpected, but of course you're not going to argue. The anticlimax is disappointing, but the voices seem happy, chattering about the next time you'll let them choose...

[drewsaturday]

Oversensitivity About My Major hours

i know the backlash to business majors tends to be for like... stock bros who want to take over their daddy's company or see wages as a game, rather than the rest of us just doing it for survival purposes, but sometimes i do wanna shake ppl by the shoulders and point out a few things lmao.

business degrees, at least in the US, are some of the cheapest and most widely accessible fields to major in. every college that's known for being available online, cheap, and with options that make it easy for adults who already have to work, all at least have a business administration degree option, if not others in that field.

leaning on that, the kinds of jobs that are more accessible are ones with remote work options, and business degree jobs fall into that. i'm not going to major in something with entirely in-person job prospects when i can't go places in-person.

there is a certain level of privilege to be able to major in something you actually like, if your interests don't align with computer science or whatever. if i had any financial stability in my family (or more interesting online/cheap options) i would also go for the stuff i'm actually passionate about. but liberal arts degrees don't exactly pay well nor are they very conducive to avoiding student loans. if i majored in something i actually like i would be fucking myself over. if you're like me and are instead choosing to fuck yourself over for the sake of passion, cool! love that for you and i do genuinely hope it works out. but maybe examine the resentments you're forming to people who are trying to give themselves a better chance of survival as a way to distract yourself from how hopeless your own future now feels.

and while you can obviously take an occasional marketing class now and then regardless of your actual major, if you are in a creative industry you have to at least acknowledge that you're completely fucked if you don't know how to market yourself or track your business finances. if you don't get hired at a big business and have to rely on tiktok to get customers and clients, you're going to live long enough to become the #Girlboss you hate.

idk why this gets to me so much since i would rather be majoring in something else, but i guess that's kinda why it does get to me, which means i should probably chill out and join the bandwagon because i'm also suffering as a result of business degrees being propped up over everything else.

and i'm sure if i were lucky enough to be an in-person student actually meeting and dealing with other people in my major i would hate business majors too.

and a lot of other things come into play, like how we shouldn't Have to sacrifice income for pursuing our passions, or how you can still learn about business principles while in a different industry.

but... sometimes i think those attitudes mow over how many problems could be avoided if your favorite minecraft youtuber had an HR department for their server instead of having 0 understanding of what it takes for a proper business to run, because at the end of the day all the fun shiny exciting creative endeavors people want to make jobs out of do necessitate an understanding of paying taxes.

[antihibikase2]

Most people dream of their subconscious desires or their unfulfilled wishes, of days gone by and could never be returned to.

Cheren Descante is not like most people, however.

The boss of NEO PRO no longer finds himself plagued with regrets, of how things could have turned out if only he was a better person, a stronger trainer.

No, what he dreams of now are things that Nikolai Colress and Colress Achroma could only describe as curious.

"Warped,"

A paperbag is set on the counter.

"Wicked,"

The contents of the paperbag are taken out- two hamburgers and a large container of fries.

"Twisted,"

The drinks are taken out of their cupholders.

"Vicious,"

The straws are inserted into the drinks.

"Depraved,"

The wrapper is removed with ease, crumpling into his fist.

"Atrocious,"

The monitor turns on as the two scientists sit down on the couch.

None of those words could fit whatever Descante was dreaming of these days- dreams that they could see with Nikolai's recent acquisition of a peculiar device from his world, and a few Munna that Achroma wrangled from the Dreamyard.

Instead of dreaming of a better future, a life he was not worthy of, all Descante dreams of these days is digging his fingers into the flesh of the angel that stayed by his side, tearing him apart and putting him back together like a doll.

Occasionally, he dreams of The Vessel doing the same, but The Vessel is not a skilled surgeon as he was- even his dream knew it, and the angel would not pick him apart only to stitch him back as if nothing had happened.

In those dreams, The Vessel would hold up his heart in front of him, beating in his bloodied palms. Then The Vessel would bring it close to his lips, sinking his fangs until Descante shook himself awake.

It had been happening much more as of late. Perhaps the establishment of New Order had made Descante act a bit more.. different.

An understatement, both Colresses were aware.

"Seriously," Achroma takes a few fries, stuffs them into his burger- Nikolai could only watch in morbid curiosity, and takes a big bite out of his sandwich.

"Is it the lead poisoning? The blood loss? The 'devotion'? What's making him act this way?"

"Devotion, most likely. Though the other two are certainly factors that we cannot dismiss. Your student is a strange individual," Nikolai murmurs.

He takes off the pickles from his burger, flinging them over to the direction of his Porygon-Z; Zed zaps the pickles into nothingness. If only Nikolai could do the same to the two test subjects on the screen, but then he would lose valuable assets.

"A pleasure to have in class, you say?"

"Nikolai, I swear, he wasn't like that before! It's your Vessel's fault, you know! Evil mind control doll, I swear-"

From the screen, they watch as Descante sits up in a hurry, placing a hand over his chest.

"See, look, he used to be just like everybody else, maybe a little tormented, maybe more so than the usual, but then you come along with your creepy angel-"

"The Vessel does not come with 'mind control' capabilities, you fool," He was no Beheeyem after all. "Him being an object of worship is nothing he forced upon those who looked at him. Descante showed no interest in The Order of The Heart. He has deluded himself into thinking The Vessel is divine,"

As Descante stumbles out of the cage to regain his bearings- maybe a glass of water, the angel sleepily sits up from his pile of pillows, rubbing his eyes and turning his head to the direction of the one he called his god.

"And The Vessel has done the same. They are dooming themselves, blinded by each others' divinity, devoted to nothing else but each other."

The Vessel stands on his toes clumsily. Descante sees this and purposely slouches, lowering his head for The Vessel to pat.

He was like a dog.

Achroma cringes at the sight. "This is Descante of all people! I trained him to be- well, yeah, he follows orders like a Herdier, but come on!"

The Vessel smiles when Descante awkwardly tells him he appreciates the gesture.

The Vessel was not supposed to smile that big.

"But even so," Nikolai grumbles. "The Vessel is still an empty shell. He only does what he knows will bring a sense of calm to those around him. A being of neutrality,"

He maintains that soft smile even when Descante somehow admits to dreaming of tearing The Vessel apart with the supplies at the medical wing. If anything, he looks impressed.

"They're.. perfect for each other, wouldn't you say?" Achroma snickers. "They're both equally strange. Equally deviant,"

Equally ruined by their circumstances- circumstances that both Colresses had a hand in.

Still, their behavior and mannerisms now were completely their own doing.

With the way things have turned out during Nikolai's last visit, he could only see one ending for them both.

The question was, who would be left standing?

"Nikolai," Achroma speaks with a mouthful of fries. "Are you gonna eat that?"

Nikolai looks down at his burger.

Most people would have lost their appetite by now, discussing such topics with their colleague as they watched their shared experiment rot before their very eyes.

Nikolai Colress is not like most people, however.

[iremiari]

anyway, time to ramble abt life and stuff

Remi Rambles 1: Responsibility and Diligence - The Difficulty of it All

does anyone else know that one meme where there's a teacher in a music theory class captioned "come on it's not rocket science" and then on the bottom image it's a teacher in a rocket science class going "come on it's not music theory" like i get it's supposed to be a joke but it just makes me think about how subjective we determine the difficulty of something.

like yeah thats a given, but if you really think about it, it's really cool, and weird. because two ppl from completely different backgrounds can also find this one thing easy but someone else finds it difficult and it just blows my mind. and i find it interesting to observe this in the way people practice morals.

i feel like the only reason i find it interesting is because so many people that i know are responsible and actually do their requirements for school, studying for exams and quizzes, yk everything, but i find it so difficult to do that for whatever reason. call it the burned out gifted kid effect but i do know how to study i just dont. do it often. bc i assume everything will be alright and did not actually experience the consequences of my laziness, and i still dont.

yeah im doing average in school and i could get better grades and i want to do that, but at the same time, why should i? where do these people find the motivation to do good in school? they say it's out of necessity or urgency because if they dont then they'll get punished but i feel like?? that's the way to more burnout??? and i dont really ever get punished for low grades so i cant use that as motivation.

someone once said, that responsibility is the standard to which we do what is expected of us, and going the extra mile just means you know very well what is asked of you so you do it well. like say, and i apologize for the odd analogy, if someone asks a banana from you: giving them the banana is you being responsible, but peeling the banana for them means you know that they're hungry so you're being extra responsible. they explained it better than i did but you get the general gist, right?

so, i guess the question i need to ask is: "what is expected of me as a student?" because i get good-average grades, but most people would call me lazy and would not entrust any major assessments from me (but i guess that's just because i submit things late). but in the rare occasions that i do submit on time, most people would still call me "smart but lazy" and. i dont know. it's just odd because most people would definitely not call me a particularly responsible student even if i submitted early.

and ive thought of it, and even if i got better grades, they would not call me a particularly responsible student. so, once again, that leads us to the question: "what is the responsibility of (or standards for) a student?"

it's not to get good grades, because i do that, i still learn but people would just call me attentive instead of responsible. and maybe it's to show due diligence in my studies?

because when you think about it, most people would call someone who follows their schedule and exceeds expectations as "responsible" because they go the extra mile in their responsibility as a student. but maybe diligence is the key so that i can get people off my back..?

diligence is a thing that i find... scary to apply in my studies. because then it'll be really hard to find that work-life balance since i tend to get carried away in my pursuits, and once again, burnout.

i guess what i can try to do is think that my schedule is for the whole year to make sure that im not too engrossed in it and allow some more room for fun.

yeah, maybe i'll do this actually. im posting this for archiving reasons and for future me to read again. future remi, if you're reading this follow through w your damn plans mf. and remember to be urself <3

and for the poor unsuspecting stranger reading this, im sorry and i hoped this helped ! if it didnt then welp, tough luck.

[woodelf68]

Trying to go through and get rid of some old stuff, and I found the letters the school sent my parents saying I had passed the screening done to identify students for the gifted program in 7th grade, which was a class that would take the place of one of my elective choices for the year.

From the first letter: "The course curriculum deals with divergent thinking skills in developing creative problem solving, decision making, analysis, syntheses, and evaluation".

I assume I was just as horrified reading that then as I am now. Just because I liked to read and got good grades in the subjects I was interested in (English, social studies, etc.) did not mean I was academically-minded or wanted to feel more "challenged" in class.

From the second letter, Premise One: (Yes, the points laid out in the letter are labeled "premises", and let me tell you, that kind of stuffy language puts me off immediately.) "Gifted children will be among the leaders and problem-solvers of the future."

Me: AHAHAHAHA (Definitely not me)

"Activities: Future problem solving bowl techniques (Bowl???), Time capsules (not interested, and I think we'd already done one in 6th grade?), a library search of the origins of war (oh boy, just how 12 year old me wanted to spend my time! (not)), group discussions involving values, education, self-concept, death, social security, nature-nurture, vocation (I literally cannot think of anything less interesting), and future shock (I have no idea what this was about, and couldn't care less.)

The next bit's about learning how to research and outline and write a paper, but we did that in regular classes. And then Premise 3: These children are more likely to be vocationally motivated than average students, so the program should assist them in making intelligent occupational choices.

Me: AHAHAHAHA no. Never been vocationally motivated in my life. And I had just gotten out of elementary school, the highlight of my week was probably still watching Saturday morning cartoons, some vague future where I had to get a job was not something I was concerned about. Six years in the future was literally half of my entire life at that point, and felt a very long way away. Asking kids if they have a future dream job is one thing (and suggesting things they could do at their current age to pursue those dreams), but all the tests and stuff they mentioned seem better suited for kids moving into high school.

The only statement the letter made that I agree with is Premise 4: "Gifted children should be given the opportunity to determine the activities they are most interested in." Well, yeah, all children should, but I didn't need to waste one of my elective classes to find out what I liked; I already knew.

Premise 5: "Gifted students have a tendency to become workaholics if they do not learn the importance of a good balance between work and relaxation."

Me: AHAHAHAHA, this is so not me. In fact it sounds to me that this class would have been forcing me to do extra work. 'Relaxing' activities listed are skating (nope, never was able to learn how to skate, I have weak ankles and crap balance), bowling (boring), baseball (boring, too much standing around under a hot sun), and volleyball (only one that I might have found fun, although I sprained my ankle so badly in high school gym class playing volleyball that I started repeatedly spraining it on a regular basis just by like catching a toe on a crack in the sidewalk; even months of physical therapy failed to break up any of the resulting scar tissue or improve my near non-existent range of motion in my ankle. Athletics and me do not get along.).

Premise 6: "The society of the future needs these "movers" and "shakers"...

Me: AHAHAHAHA again, SO not me. I am not a mover and a shaker, I am a sitter and a reader. I think my parents tried to encourage me to take the gifted class, but I am so glad that they didn't force me when I very firmly said no. Idk, maybe there are kids out there who enjoy thinking about death and social security and self-concept, I enjoyed learning practical skills in woodshop and the home ec cooking class that I took that year.

[the1975attheirverybest]

Just wanted to say, I'm not experienced in how record labels work, but how I took this news is that maybe Matty is stepping away from an intensive, administrative position at Dirty Hit. I mean, he helped create it so he will always have some sort of inherent ownership of it whether or not he has an official position. I could see him doing this to maybe lighten his work load or something, or to separate the label from the band somewhat. I could imagine being a younger artist on something that may be considered 'the 1975's label" effecting how the public looks at my music and content. Also with his recent controversies, he might have thought it was the right thing to do, separating himself from their creative processes, at least in the public eye. I don't have any doubts in my mind that he will still help out, just maybe not in a widely known, public capacity. But then again, I don't know a lot, so I could be wrong.

I really hope that you’re right. Because I know how much it meant to him to be able to do that kind of work. The fact that the label doesn’t have a “board room,” and it’s run by artists, and they don’t have like men in suits telling everyone else what to do really meant a lot to him. And it made sense. From everything we know about Matty and his relationship to music making, his beliefs, etc. so, it always made me happy that he was putting his money where his mouth is. Literally, lol. You know what I mean? Plus, he always talked about young artists looking up to him and asking him for advice and how he feels a responsibility to be better for their sake. So, his stepping down from that kind of role is just really sad.

I mean, I don’t work in the music industry, so I don’t know much either. But, let me tell you, as a young academic whose beliefs are very different than the beliefs of those in power (those who decide who gets funding, what opportunities students should get, what kinds of things we should teach, etc), it can be really frustrating that people with influence aren’t supportive of me. Or that people who do believe in me are not “in charge” so they can’t do anything to help me. So, though Matty might continue to informally do stuff, it’s still not going to be the same as him being the director and being able to vote on major decision, sign people onto the label, give artists the money and space to work and being themselves. All that really matters, in my opinion. The future of music, especially the way the label had focused on picking young artists with different voices, really needed his irreverent, chaotic, intense, forward-thinking style.

[ontrackmind]

I am one month into residency. Here are a few things I've learned (mostly about myself):

1) I am, indeed, a textbook person. I always thought I was an uptodate person, but it's just not always the best resource for peds. I have looked things up in Red Book, Lange Neonatology, Bright Futures, and AAP Peds in Review multiple times this month already. They just seem to work better for me when I have the time. Uptodate is my second choice for on-the-go reading (like when walking to morning conference)

2) organization is key. I'm not sure what system works best for me on rounds since the handoff sheet we get is completely different from what we used at my med school. (Same info, just formatted differently on the page). But, I have found having a succinct cover sheet with all of my patients only and their to-do items for the day to be way more efficient than flipping back and forth in a big packet. I'm still working out how to make the handoff page work best for me during rounds though. One thing is clear though, if you're not organized, something will be forgotten. For me, keeping lists and check boxes is key.

3) if I don't write it down, it doesn't exist. How do people remember *everything*?? If I don't write it down within 5 minutes of doing it/hearing about it/being told to do it, it's forgotten in the abyss.

4) good sleep hygiene is my BFF. I probably have co-residents with wacky schedules, but I like my routine and I have noticed I do better when I'm well rested. I typically get 6-8 hours, but in order to ensure that happens, I have a pretty consistent routine in the evenings after work and the mornings before work (especially since I don't have a yard and have to walk my dog both times). I also like feeling well rested in the morning. I'm in a better mood, less stressed, and make fewer mistakes. (Maybe this one matters more since I don't drink coffee or soda so I don't get an extra boost from the caffeine?? I've debated energy shots, but I get heart palpitations with anxiety and they freak me out. I can only imagine what extra caffeine would do)

5) I 100000% prefer to work as a team than work alone. My last block was very team oriented and I felt like I thrived. We were always asking each other how we could help and getting lunch or snacks for each other when we couldn't go together as a group. It was very much a "we all lift each other up" kind of environment. I hope that carries into my other blocks, too. I'm going to do my best to continue to be a team player and help everyone with their workload.

6) I still feel pretty dumb and unsure of myself, but the imposter syndrome is WAY less than before. Idk if it's the new environment or what, but I just don't feel that same fear of being too dumb and undeserving and being the weak link like I did during med school. Sure, I have a lot to learn and I do sometimes forget things or freeze up (for instance, I completely forgot what DI was today during rounds. Literally could not have even told my fellow my name if she had asked.lol) and while I fell a little embarrassed, it's not the same as it was before. Maybe I'm in a better mental place for now?

7) Im somehow less stressed. Like, I work hard at work and sometimes I get frustrated or get stuck, but it's not the same as being a student. I read articles and do practice questions at home but it's much more leisurely. Despite the long hours, I find this WAY more enjoyable than med school. I don't feel guilty for taking time off or enjoying my hobbies and I actually enjoy studying and looking up stuff about my patients. Residency is hard, but I am so much happier than I was before. I hope it stays this way.

8) my dog is still one of the absolutely best part of my day. She's happy when we get up in the morning and happy when I get home in the evening. She will forever be the bright, sunny spot in my day. Its a lot of work having a dog while living alone, but holy crap is she worth it❤