#maybr things will be different who knows

[cultiest]

Oh boy is it that time of year again? Can't wait to catch up with my good friend Johnathan sure hope he's not going on any ill advised business trips

[herondalesbooklover]

My phone girl headcanons

I have been wanting to do this for a while, but university took all my motivation to do so.

She is 21.

Her favorite color is red, but she also likes gold and rose gold (idk why really).

She is an animal lover and has a dog (she found him as a puppy in the street).

She likes books and has several book boyfriends (jacks is one of them of course).

She studies something like journalism or english literature (I imagine her writing a book about the herondales and riddles, like she was the one who wrote the inheritance games).

She is a spring and autumm girl.

She has a sweet tooth, and likes cake and scones (she and Xander are going to bond over that).

She likes red roses and daisies.

She likes dressing up (I wanted to make this a difference with Avery because she didn't like clothes at first).

Her hair is dark and long, her look is messy hair.

She either has no sibling or is the older sister of a child.

She looks mean, but she is really nice and caring.

She was in a long term relationship that left some scars in her.

I feel like she would also be sort of a perfectionist and people pleaser, and maybr that would be part of her character growth during the books.

She is smart (an academic validation sort of thing)

I don't really know about family, but in the book she mentioned smth about a step father.

Maybe she plays an instrument like piano or smth

These are all the ones I came up for now. What do you guys think? Btw I think she would be pretty similar to Grayson in terms of family and duty, and blah blah, blah, but different personality wise.

I want to do one with Grayson and her, but I'll see tomorrow 💕

[imaginarybestie]

Burning Questions for Other Friends

Dear P,

It is not just D that I'd write burning questions to. But also C, perhaps, since she is someone who gets the real me, more. Maybe K, sometmies, too, since she also might get the real me, in some ways, if not all ways. Maybe other friends too. Sometimes T, with all her deep wisdom and life insight and intelligence, creativity, high ideals, compassion, and the empathy, that I all attribute to her. Also maybe other writers who I love. Maybe other people from the online community that D and I frequent.

Maybe other family members, even though we are mostly pretty distant and don't seem to see eye-to-eye or really see the same world at all, in so many ways. Yet they might know me better and have certain things in common with me that might let them see certain answers, maybe better than I'd expect. They surprise me sometimes with some of their strengths, intelligence, wisdom, kindness, goodness, gentleness, sensitivity, subtlety.

So often, it feels to me like the world is just so very cold and delusional in so many ways, but then my family will do some little things sometimes that makes me feel they're different, and they give me some hope for humanity, for love, kindness, the chance of closeness and relating. Even though it's usually a very short-lived little ray of hope. And others besides my family also give me hope like that, sometimes, but I guess it's different with family because we have more in common in a few ways, and they're this stable presence in my life, unlike all the others who give me hope, but I don't know them well enough or have enough in common with them to really be attached to them that much.

And then there are family members who have passed away now, my grandparents and maybe others. They have a special kind of meaning and memories for me, and maybe I would ask them some questions, if I could ask their souls or the ideal imaginary friend version of them. Other saints, perhaps. Other famous people online whose writings or youtube videos I love, maybe? Hmm.

And best friends I had in high school, too, maybe. When I get in the right state of mine and emotion, I can really feel a sense of connection to them the way we used to be. Maybr they're not really the same anymore, and maybe I am not either, and yet, maybe there's still some kind of commonality between us, our personalities, values, interests. Or even if not, then once there was. And who they were then inspires me to connect with an imaginary friend based on that past them. Maybe sometimes an imaginary friend of how I wish they would have changed and grown over the years, so that we could have stayed close, instead of what really happened where we changed so much that we didn't have much in common anymore, it felt, and things fell apart.

Maybe even my husband, who I have a bad relationship with, to say the least, and do not feel very close to at all and don't trust. Some imaginary friend version of him that's based on the good things that still exist in him, and the good things that existed in the past but are no longer there anymore, too. And maybe the ideal him that I thought he was but he maybe never really was, because I thought he was better than he really was. I thought he'd also improve and grow over time and we'd grow closer, while what happened was just the opposite, in so many ways.

Now I see he is a narcissist, but it's mostly latent and I've learned to deal with it and be ok, most of the time. I need to depend on him for a lot of things, at this point, and I'm better off with him than alone, due to physical and mental health issues that make me unable to support myself or to get the help I need from supposed governmental aid or anything such as that. So anyway, those are a few ideas of friends I migth write. Also characters from books who I really love and who really come to life or teach me important lessons. Maybe I'll think of others later. But that's a start for now.

Love,

C

[0aurelion-sol0]

Four main (playable) characters #2

Stranger Things 4 NSA #3

So in almost an hour, Netflix will be live streaming the third day of an event called Geeked Week. During this event, Netflix celebrates all their shows and movies and gives exclusive trailers, teasers and sneak peeks about future stories.

While they were announcements made on social media by unofficial but reliable and trusted sources, nothing was confirmed...

Until now.

"We're not in Hawkins anymore"

It's confirmed there is something coming related to Stranger Things, moreover it's the first thing that we see in the description so there must be something coming from this. From some sources, it has been said that we will get a sneak peek from ST.

Before you start going in a frenzy, let's take a look at all of the options that we have before jumping to conclusions. It could be something big but it could also be something small.

The 003/004 teaser, the third teaser centered around a character:

So as you may know, we had two teasers from ST4. One centered around Hopper and one centered around Eleven each representing what these two characters storyline will be in season 4.

What interesting is that Stranger Things Twitter once posted four images of four different characters, Hopper, Eleven, Joyce and Will with the number 4 next to them.

Many assume and rightfully so that this is indicating that there will be four teasers showing the four main storylines this season.

We already got El and Hopper, the only two left are Joyce and Will.

Even if I am skeptical about the main plotline that could carry Joyce next season. If some of the theories about Joyce's demise in season 4 ends up being true, it would make sense that they would give her one last important storyline next season.

Moreover every teaser so far had something to do with parenthood especially fatherhood. Hopper because he is a father and because Hopper has a lot of trauma due to what he experienced as a father but also because the last sound in his teaser is the Demogorgon which is called in D&D: "The Deep Father". This could indicate that we might go deeper in Hopper's psyche and his past.

Eleven was Brenner who was an abusive father figure to her and put her through a great deal of trauma and we could see more of her past with him maybr giving a new meaning to some of her interactions in season 1.

Now if there is a third teaser something related to that could appear in the teaser and the most likely candidate is Will who also had an abusive father who would be horrible to him because of his sexuality. Lonnie's actor has also been seen on set. It is also pride month and Will's sexuality has always been pointing him to be gay in the show, including some of his interactions with Mike. Father's day is also really close as it takes place June 20th during pride month, it would be very fitting if the teaser for Will would be dropped now.

For Joyce, Mother's day was not so long ago but considering there's more hint for Will, I think he is the most likely candidate. But you never know, Eleven's teaser had very secret easter eggs for why her teaser dropped at this moment. Maybe something related to Joyce's past ?

The reveal of the episode titles:

Now this could happen as we don't know anything about the episode titles yet and it would be a fitting anouncement during an event that celebrates Netflix's stories since it's an event that seems to be extremely centered around the narrative of their stories.

Moreover if the release is scheduled to be in early 2022, it would fit with the title tease of Season 2 and 3 who all took place one year before the release.

"In the Fall of 1984..."

"In the Summer of 1985..."

Could the adventure continue "In the Spring of 1986"?

An update on the filming with, or Behind The Scenes footage (possibly short interviews):

Now this is a possibility rather than a full blown teaser, we could have a look at some BTS footage with interviews and a recap by the crew and cast of ST until season 4 drops.

Or something a little bit smaller like new characters revealed or a new cast member coming in the ST crew. Maybe a small update from the set like how are they moving into the filming.

Though since they haven't finished filming, it would also be unlikely that we might get something like that.

A literal Sneak Peek:

Maybe we could literally have a scene or a clip of season 4. As I said, maybe a bit unlikely but they could decide to give us some sort of overall view of what season 4 is going to be about. Like maybe the first minutes of Season 4, to show where our characters are and what they are doing.

Or maybe something smaller introducing a key setting or element in ST4.

Pretty unlikely but you never know, Stranger Things is extremely unpredictable in it's promotion.

An 80's ad:

Why not ? Something like the promo for season 3 and Starcourt Mall but with a drastic change of tone. This could mirror it but this time instead of being about the quiet, happy, beautiful and thriving town of Hawkins, it could be about all the terrible and horrific events that takes place in this town but with a more serious tone. Maybe Nancy doing some journalism stuff and reporting about something happening in a certain place or in Hawkins overall.

Or an update on the economic problems of the town, the Hellfire Club and the view of the townspeople have on this club, what the army is doing and a hint about the supernatural plot of the season if there is one and if it is in Hawkins.

_____________________________

Whatever it is, we will probably dissect the hell out of it, as always. 😏

Stranger Things 4 | Sneak Peek

[chrysanthemumpink]

Shipping rant about Bob’s Burgers:

These are all what if scenarios but...

I think Tina and Jimmy Jr are going to end up together but the twist is that she will be running Pestos with Jimmy Pesto.

It will be like a romeo and juliet situation with two warring families. And it will be tough for Tina to leave the burger restaurant for the italian one. It will be really difficult for Bob too. He thinks that the reason he’s upset is b/c he doesnt like Pesto BUT the real reason is that his little girl is all grown up. But eventually he sees her happy and is glad even if that means he’s stuck with jimmy pesto forever. Tina will have three children who are triplets OR 4 children/2 sets of twins

Meanwhile Zeke will become the Pesto equivalent to Teddy. Zeke will become Teddy’s apprentice

Louise will love multiple times and will be the first Belcher to have a real genuine divorce. I feel like she will ultimately end up with regular sized rudy. BUT before then she will have a telationship with Logan, Millie, and Jessica. Jessica will be her first love and things were ok but the relationship ended because it felt too much like two worlds colliding. They are still friends though. With Millie, things were great and will probably be one of Louise’s most fond relationships but she’ll look back knowing that despite how great things were, it was an unhealthy dynamic. Millie and Louise will get married and the divorce will be hard but necessary. Things ended on good terms but unlike Jessica, it will be hard for louide to look at millie without hurting. Then comes Logan, a great lover but a rebound and an awful one at that. It was never a good relationship but damn it was definitely the hottest and most passionate. It was probably the relationship that made Louise feel the most alive. But the flames of passion hurt and in the end they only burn each other out. Logan will fall in love with Louise and he will always love her. But Louise needed to leave. But through all of it regular sized rudy was there to be everything Louise didnt know she needed. It will take years for them to truly connect but they will make a good couple. Also, Louise will be the only Belcher child to not go into the restaurant business. To her surprise, that will hurt her. But imagine the irony of her becoming a school principal. Like we’ve already seen she’s good at school leadership. Louise will have one child but if we want to make it dramatic, that child could be Logan’s or maybr even Millie’s. The child's parent is a regular in their lives and though there is tension, there isn't any animosity. Rudy will also have a child before they are together so once they truly become a couple, they'll have sort of a blended family.

Gene will take over the restaurant. It will cause tension between Bob because Gene will do things very VERY differently than Bob. It will parallel Bob’s relationship with his own father. But eventually Bob will learn that things change. Zeke will be Gene’s first relationship. But the two are just a bit too eccentric for each other. They will break up but will genuinely remain very good friends.

...but ngl, I can’t see Gene with anyone because they haven’t given him much in the show

[im-tops-bottom]

After Hydra brought down total destruction, Earth was nothing more than a baron wasteland. They recruited anyone who believed in "hail Hydra" and took out everyone else. If people became unruly or traitors then they were imprisoned or became slaves. Nothing more to it. Or so they thought.

James Barnes aka Hydras winter soldier aka alpha Bucky drove on his motorbike down a desert highway. He became a lone soldier the moment he got out of Hydras clutches.

While gathering some supplies he gets jumped by some Hydra agents. He fights back and finds help along the way. Help beimg a ragtag of misfits who was led by

"Stevie?"

"Hey Bucky. Good to see you again"

Bucky is taken to their secret hideout which is an underground building that used to belong to shield.

"welcome to the Avengers safehouse"

The Avengers he met were Falcon ("just call me Sam), Hawkeye ("Clint at your service"), Banner ("our star studded omega of the group likes to call me Dr Jackyll and my other form Mr Hyde. Just call me Bruce"), Black Widow ("I know who you are but do you remember me?"), War Machine ("hey I'm Rhodey. Nice to meet ya") and

"where's Tony?"

"he took off again"

"ugh okay sorry Bucky but you're gonna have t-"

"HELLLOOOOO ITS ME!"

"nevermind"

Tony comes around the corner and freezes. He's wide eyed as he stares at Bucky. After several intense seconds he shakes it off before smiling at Steve.

"hey buddy ol' pal. Spoke with T'Challa. He's recruiting. He found Hill and Fury so it'll be easier to find people willing to help. No one can say no to Saint Nick. No seriously. Try and say no. I tried so many times and I was still pushed into joining this stupid boy band that I love very much. Now I that I recognize you, hi Winter Wonderland. You can call me Tony. "

Bucky soon learns how much of a handful Tony can be. Bucky has been sent mission after mission alongside different team mates to save Tony every damn time he leaves. Thank God Tony with the help of this Shuri lady makes a whole new amd stronger arm for him as well as upgraded weapons. Who knew stun rods could be exciting.

At one point Bucky has to do a solo mission amd that's when things get hectic because surprise surprise he has to go an save Tony. This time however Bucky gets taken along with Tony by new super Soldiers.

While in their cell, Tony goes into heat and Bucky helps out. It turns into a shit show as both Tony and Bucky bite each other's bond marks, scent each other and Bucky knots the living shit out of Tony.

Madam Hydra (shocked at first) becomes pleased by this as she can use it to not only control the two but once the babies born she can claim it as her own and kill the parents.

She was expecting to put up a fight while she tried to get Tony to build something what she wasn't expecting though was for not only Bucky (who let the winter soldier loose) to break out of his cell and kill the guards but for the "holy shit" Avengers to rescue them. She fled while her base burned to the ground promising that she will have Tony's baby one day and to sleep with bo- oh nevermind she got shot in the head by

"Clint my favorite alpha in the whole wide world"

"I feel like I should be offended with you saying that while you smell like Bucky's mate"

A nervous Tony sits on the couch at their safehouse while Steve and Bucky argue about everything.

Steve was in love with Tony and wanted to claim Tony. He was not happy with his best friend getting to do that instead. Damn Hydra for kidnapping them.

"why don't the both of you share me?"

"what?"

"oh please Steve I know how you feel about me. I may not be fully there yet but just like Bucky I'm willing to give it a go"

"what about Bucky's baby? Hes not gonna be too happy with me going near you"

"maybr you should prove to me that I should trust you. It was a mistake with what happened but it's a good one. Show me i can trust you around them and then once the babies born we can properly talk about everything"

"Bucky"

"look I'm not gonna be there 24/7 so if you want in on this then show me I can feel safe knowing my pregnant mate is with capable hands helping him. We don't have to go on mission together so onr can look after Tony but if it comes down to it then there are other people in the house as well that can help out"

"okay okay fine. Anything for Tony"

"great show us how much you care and cherish Tony and am willing to be in a committed relationship and I'll think about letting you mate wth him as well. Who knows? Maybe after my baby is born you can have your own one too"

2 years later the Avengers and shield havr taken down Hydra for good. They plan on restoring the planet to it's former glory with the help of some people who can bring back the dead.

Tony sits outside drinking a cup of hot cocoa with marshmallows as he watches his two kids run around playing with their dads. All 4 in their wolf forms. Tony smiles as he sits back and let's out a content sigh.

"nothing can get any better than this"

[caandlelit]

Someone mentioned that endhawks is like shipping dabihawks and theyre both nadty as in dabi and endeavor are both abusers. But on the contrary its different as enji IS an abuser,l. Dabi is a villain. Like he is supposed to be?? Idk sorry if i don't make sense, so do you have any take on this ?

thing is that hell yeah it is different. dabi, as far as we know, is a villain solely because of a horrible thing done to him in the past, most likely connected to his deformed skin, that was done to him by a hero, also most likely endeavor seeing as he has a personal vendetta against him. dabi is a villain because of the situation that he was stuck in, he's not a villain because he's a genuinely bad person. maybe its true that hes not exactly the best person because he didnt exactly choose the best way to get his revenge on heroes, or maybe he did, maybr hes got a plan to tear down endeavor. he also hasnt?? abused anyone?? as far as i know??? whereas endeavor is in my opinion, a genuinely terrible person because of what he has done.he married rei for her quirk so that their children could become number one hero which is a super shallow thing, also canonically, we don't know what exactly he did to the eldest brother touya, but he did do something that haunts natsou to this day. and he started training shouto, (whom he considers his perfect offspring, to the point of neglecting his other kids and canonically calling touya "almost perfect") at the tender age of from what we can tell, five. that's something that scares me.because what kind of a fucked up person does that. whereas dabi is a villain who has a reason for being so weirdly angsty and bitter and he also has a backstory we are unaware of but seeing horikoshi's balatant hints he might be touya himself which makes it all the worse for endeavor, for his s eldest to hate him enough to become a villain. bear in mind its still just a theory, as likely as it becomes each new chapter.also to top it off endeavor is like fifty and hawks is twenty two, the age of endeavors daughter. that's just fucking disgusting.

[kojoty]

Yeah like. Even if it's hokey advice from someone who doesn't know what your mental illness is like, they're still trying to help in what er way they can, and even cheesy advice is a sign that they're thinking about you and trying to help you. Do your best to listen, take it in and try new things...

Going outside is so important--you need sun rays and getting even twenty minutes of outside time a day will do miles for your physical health. Not only is it giving you vitamins you need, but moving to a different environment, seeing the outside world and being near sometbing approaching nature? Psychologically it will help. Humans are not built to stay in dark rooms all day.

Trying your best to eat healthier is important too! We all have dietary restrictions that make it harder, and it's sometimes really a lot of work to find foods you can eat and tolerate that are good for you! If it's hard, reach out to a friend that knows about food and ask them their opinions. Chances are, they'll be able to get you at least one good alternative. It can be as simple as instead of buying cheap greasy chips, getting crackers and wafers instead to snack on. Eating better makes your body happier (and your digestive system will thank you for not eating domino's for the 8th time that week), but it also makes your brain happier! An overabundance of sugar etc can make for some radical mood swings...

Finally, even if it's just incorporated into your twenty minute outside time, even walking a littke everyday can help. If you can stand it. Try fifteen minutes of simple floor exercises (repetitions of sit-ups and jumping Jack's followed by stretches to loosen and flex your muscles).... Or bike a little! Or go swimming! Physical activity comes in many forms and it doesn't just require a gym membership and a treadmill. Get some friends and go larp in the field! Play soccer! Go on a Pokémon go hike! You'll feel better Bc your body will be producing more adrenaline, which gives you energy and short euphoric body Highs. I'm not joking when I say I feel the least depressed and paranoid on days I've worked out.

It can be hard to do anything and it's easier to wallow. It is. I've been there. It's easier to pity yourself and to push the blame of stuff onto other people and the world. It's even maybr valid sometimes to do so! But it doesn't mean you can't do anything about it, and taking control and telling the world that you CAN be better is always always an empowering and amazing feeling. You got this

[pendulumprince]

(1/2) Ok so new episode HOLY HECK. But it is interesting that Yusaku was shown to try and move on at first, only to find himself stuck in the past. However, it does bring about the question of how he will heal. From what we saw in his flashbacks as a child, he tried to be with other children, but was unable to make friends, maybr especially because of his trauma in relation to dueling. What if trying to have Yusaku heal is actually Naoki's purpose in the plot? We've seen him as the only person

(2/2) Only person to interact with IRL Yusaku, meaning that he’s the closest thing that Yusaku has to a friend. Plus, it seems like the next few episodes will reveal more on what happened, and will lead to Yusaku actually needing to come to terms with the fact that he isn’t alone, that he has people who care about him. Essentially, Blue Angel and Go will become Playmakers allies againt the Big Bad, but Naoki will help Yusaku by being his friend and give Yusaku the normalcy he’s always wanted

That would actually be pretty rad!

I’m also scratching my head over how Yusaku is going to move past The Lost Incident—getting answers and seeing the people responsible punished should help, but that won’t be enough. Even before this episode, one of the biggest concerns I had for Yusaku was what would happen to him after he defeated the KoH/whoever victimized him. His revenge quest is what’s anchoring him rn; if he fulfills it but still doesn’t know peace, that’s going to be a real problem. 

This is YGO, so making friends is most likely going to be the answer—and it’s not necessarily a bad one, either. But we also know that it’s not like Yusaku didn’t try to branch out, his trauma was so severe that he just couldn’t. As a six year old he literally could not experience joy. And it’s all but confirmed that that’s still the case. Only difference is, Yusaku doesn’t try to put on a happy front anymore, and his overt standoffishness is probably what wards most people off.

… except Naoki. I’ve talked about this before, and Naoki is currently the only character in Vrains to reach out to Yusaku for no plot important reason. The KoH/SOL want him gone for obvious reasons. ‘Go Onizuka’ and Blue Angel challenged him for reasons relating to their careers as Charisma Duelists. Ghost Girl wanted either Ai or a decoy to get into the mother computer. Even Shoichi has something to gain out of the partnership, which is help for his brother.

But Naoki is the only character who has nothing concrete to gain from Yusaku. Even if he knew he was Playmaker, Naoki would have no reason to use him. The only ulterior motive I can think of would be an ego stroke, since their interaction in episode 1 suggests he wanted to take Yusaku under his wing (or something). But that doesn’t negate the fact that Naoki saw someone who didn’t have any friends, and decided he would be his friend. 

There’s something undeniably sweet about that mentality. Nobody was forcing him to do that. And yeah, Naoki now thinks Yusaku’s an asshole, but it hasn’t stopped him from trying to interact. So it could be as you said: Naoki has no ‘grand’ purpose, but is meant to give Yusaku a taste of normalcy. And with everything Yusaku’s been through, there’s nothing wrong with that.

[bodaciousjuice]

Why do people comment on other people's bodies

I work in a factory as a summer job and there is a majority of men who work there. Not only am I a woman, but I'm young, short and very very skinny but I'm healthy(not that it matters but it's relevant to this story). Today I was going on the "store", as we call it, to get the keys to a pickup truck I needed for a task. So I walk up to the counter, say hi to the employee (who is a man in his early 60's I'd say). For some reason, he looks me up and down and asks me in a "joking" manner: "haven't gained any weight last night?". Oh. Okay, excuse me, what? So I simply answer: "No I haven't" and hope he lets it go so I can get the keys. But no, he goes on to ask me: "how much do you weight?" Again, I'm sorry, what? So I answer with something that would not be disrespectful (although he was being very disrepectful toward me)and wouldn't make any fuss: "I don't know. I just don't" And he asks me again. I reply the same thing but add one thing this time: "anyway, I'm not here to talk about my weight, I'm here to get the keys of the pickup truck". He finally lets it go and my coworker joins me and we go on with our day. Also, I believe I should mention this, two other men were standing right beside me and didn't budge. Not a word. Not a single reaction, except maybe a chuckle. And therefore, I have a few things to say about this:

It is extremely rude to ask how much someone weights, whether their physical appearance seems normal or not to you, whatever the age, gender, race, etc. It is none of your business and this information is completely unnecessary to your life.

It is incredibly unprofessional to ask something so personal during work hours. I don't think that saying that I do not want to be told such things by older men- or anybody for that matter- while I'm working is reaching too far. It is not a good friend of mine who is concerned about health who told me that, no, it is an old man, a coworker who I've known for only 3 weeks. Do not interact in such a way at the workplace.

I have noticed that this behaviour occurs more with men; moreover, the older the men, the more likely they are to comment on women's physical appearance. By no means am I saying that all men act like that, but it is easily observable that little to no women act as such. In fact, you would never picture a woman, during work hours, tell a man something like so. Because women do not go around telling bigger men: "Haven't lost any weight last night? How much do you weight?". To this day, men still don't fully respect women in the workplace, evenmore so in dominantly male ones.

The other two men who were present did not say anything, meaning that they either did not care or agreed with the employee's behaviour or at least thought it was okay and normal, which is most likely the case seeing as they were listening and chuckling. This is not okay. May I also add that if I would've responded with something a different, stronger statement, I would've been told to "learn to take a joke", "to stop being a bitch" or "what's up with that mean attitude today?". Men don't even hold each other accountable for being plain assholes and that is a major problem.

I know that this man's intentions probably were not bad, that he did not think this through and probably doesn't even know why this is problematic. I also know that it is not the worst and most inappropriate thing he could have said, but it does not make it okay either.

DON'T COMMENT ON OTHER PEOPLE'S BODIES

Even though I did not say much, I still stood up for myself. But some people do not have the courage to do so either because they do not know how or do not feel safe enough. Please take this in consideration if you ever see or hear something inappropriate at your job

If being nice isn't a good reason enough to not comment on how much someone weights, then here is a very good one. You do not know what the person has been through, you do not know what their relationship with their body is. Maybr they've had eating disorders or still do, maybe they have self-esteem issues, maybe they've been told the same lame ass comment all their life and have been struggling with their body image as well. Just don't be an dick, man.

IT IS NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS

I know that's a long ass post and there are many other things I would like to include but I'm gonna keep it as is for now. Feel free to add any relevant and informative commentary to this post!

[depths0fdeceit]

'it shouldn't be that hard'

'relationships should be easy'

'if you're with the right one it should be effortless'

'it shouldn't be that hard.'

I hate hearing all that. Love is never easy. Relationships are never easy. If we wanted something easy we'd never put in the work, we'd never try, and when we have no reason to try,, we don't. I've never wanted anything that was 'easy', I wanted something that was worth it. Something to challenge me, to show me how to love despite all the adversity we'd face, something that taught me what it meant to make sacrifices for the one you love the most. The one who you're willing to fight battles for. Risk it all for, just because you don't want to have to go a single day without them

But that's not what people tell me.

Maybe I'm wrong. Maybe I've been so convoluted in all my relationships to think that all the hurt, and the pain, and the sacrifice, and the misery is painted all with this vision that it's supposed to be worth it. Maybe it's because I've never experienced that ease of loving, and being loved, where everything else just falls into place. Maybe that's never really been me though. Maybe gone through so much pain attached to the love that I've experienced that I've never truly had a taste of what it's supposed to be. That I've been so wrapped up in hurt to think that it's customary to a love that's worth pursuing. Or that I'm just so accustomed to it anything differently just doesn't feel right. Or maybr I'm addicted to the pain. Or the feeling. Or the stubbornness just to never let go or compromise with the way I feel regardless of the hurt that comes with it.

But so far all I know is how I feel. The earth shattering, skin crawling, numb tingling, heart skidding way I feel is the only thing I know for certain, the way I feel about you.

I may not know much thus far, and call me absolutely unrealistic because I'm still so caught up in the fresh wounds of the breakup that everything immediately after is a longing for the way things were. How perfect it could have been, despite the issues; with the pure (likely naive) way the relationship is perceived after the breakup, the parts that we're so freshly reminded of the things we miss, ironically having everything leading up to the breakup be about everything that was wrong with it that brought you to the point of termination. Funny how starkly things change; that shift in perspective, that change of heart and mind. How convoluted it all seems when maybe even after you still do know why, all you want is that person back. And a new skewed sense of wanting to do ehatever you can just to not have to go another day without them. Without that pain of their absence. To not pwt go of that earth shattering way they made you feel and the utmost important place in your life they have and always will hold.

Maybe I'm biased and maybe I'm still living in the wrong mindset. But I don't want easy. I want worth it.

I don't want any other love, unless it's you.

[noodulbear-blog]

Magic Mirror On The Wall..

... who's the dumbest of them all? Me. So close I was to running.ll Literally packing a backpack and just walking off. No plan, nothing, just a few clothes, coffee and a journal. Well, here I am. Still here, victory. But that was the stongest urge I've had since moving to the island. I couldn't even complain much because I know there is a reason behind it. I should have left.. I got scared and left in fear, stayed in fear. Now I feel stuck, but I'm trying to make the best of it and learn. Things dont have to be all or nothing. Fear still drives me. It sounds like we're experience similar issues at their core, but different situations. Fear kept me quiet. People know people around here, I didn't want it getting back to these people because they are notorious for fucking with our relationship already. Tell one of us one thing, the other another, just for the sake of their lives. If I stay here, I'll get pregnant and or have kids live that " magazine life" that's what he's shown me he wants. He says he doesnt then says or shows little things that indicate he does want kids. I dropped a huge bomb on him, he wanted to know what I was upset about.. I tried to tell him now isnt the time. But I said I dont want kids. And now, from his view there are a lot of people who are leaving or going away. Its always me?. I'm the problem. That doesnt sound right. Well, my point is.. I saw similarities. It was odd. And you helped me stay grounded. Like I said I almost ran. Sometimes mind turns to auto, I don't like to talk about it because usually I have horrible scenes in my head. Currently reality twisted. Well, it happens. I do the same stuff as Pam and all the other stuff youve complained about, plus worse I feel like.. like running off just going for a walk and suddenly you and Paul are saying stuff to me. It was then... I didn't trust myself. I just wanted the pain to go away, anyway I knew how. I'm not good enough because you deserve better than me. If that is my attitude towards more relationship with you.. then I don't want it. I know that behavior is toxic. Me me me me Yeah. Haha. So what. I'm just not happy with myself, who I am.. I wasn't before either, but I'm closer now than I have ever been to figuring it out. So, yay. I want to wake up from this knightmare. Wake up. I|no. I've dreamt this. Mainly I'm dealing with feelings of guilt and shame. Words being chocked back down. Dont be so selfish and think how he feels. Like I'm a horrible person for even wanting to leave. He's done so much for me, we hit a rut. Idk how to fix it, is it fixable? Why are a lot of my first thoughts about people' motivates negative? It's learned. By loads of heart wrenching realizations. I broke trust when I went away... every time. How is she supposed to see I wouldn't do that to her again. I miss her too much.. plus communication. .. But.. meeeehh.. words is hard. I'll stick to little victories.. i got it out my head. That is a victory. One less bit of negative stew inside. I gotta smoke more weed with my Dad. I sat and was okay for like 10mins. Maybr I should go to bed. I feel really crappy from earlier still. Not in a panicy way, in a If I shut off my brain by indulging in good dream world of anything is possible I'll avoid thinking how much of a shit I am for being happy she's having relationship issues. I feel horrible for even the slight twitch of happy when I know how shitty it feels when there are issues. Idk. I'm rambling now. I took meds, rescheduled appointments I put off, took a hot shower, ate a meal, drank water, talked with a friend, listened to music, watched Flash the TV show. I'm about half through it. Also, DjCotts.. happy hardcore.. amazing right now. I FEEL LIKE BOXING!! XD