#me after writing an essay about how Alan is not an angry man: look how angry he looks 😍😍😍

[jimmyspades]

[darkestwolfx]

Impact - Re-Review #35

“This is going to be a close one.”

“Isn’t it always?”

Hello everyone! So I’d just like to say a massive massive thank you for all the recent comments and reblogs on the Re-Review Series. Being busy with work this week I haven’t had the time I like to reply to everyone, but be aware that I have read every single response and if I haven’t replied to you, it’s not meant unkindly! I’m incredibly grateful for all your support with these, and glad to know you’re enjoying them - it motivates me to continue writing them.

Now, before we dive in with today’s installment - I can’t believe we’re on number 35 already! - I’d like to give a little note on Fanfiction works (which I know have been lacking from me lately!).

So tomorrow there will definitely be one piece to upload, I’m hoping it could extend to three, maybe four, but I’m working on the numbers I can guarantee I can deliver - which is an irrelief2020 prompt that I have loved from the moment I saw it and been desperate to write - so I’m hoping it will be well received! Hopefully I can bring you more works too, but if not, bear with me (like you all are, and I massively appreciate it)! If I can take any good screenshots from my chat with Australia (and the Red Pandas) [which by the time this goes up will only be hours away and I will have been awake from about 3AM UK time) I will throw them up for you all to see as a reward.

Anyhow, back to the Re-Review Series;

It’s EOS! It’s actually EOS, and she’s in the opening shot and we get to see her travelling around Thunderbird Five! I love it so so much. Look at those little red dots of... is that jealousy there, EOS?

“Lucky shot!”

“That wasn’t luck; that was skill.”

“Yes, I’ve studied it in college. It’s supposed to miss Earth by millions of miles.”

“However, it has apparently changed trajectory. And the probably of a collision with Earth is now one hundred percent.”

“What could possibly knock a comment that far off course?”

You’re about to be very sorry that you asked that, I’m afraid, John.

“We have a situation.”

“Uh... you always say that.”

Scott swiping Alan’s feet out of the way is absolutely perfect brotherly interaction once again.

“Something The Mechanic could have done?”

“Good guess, but no.”

“Langstrum FIschler.”

Uh oh... Scott is mad. Scott is very mad. The face said it all.

“Nobody said gear up’s were fair, Virgil.”

So, Alan is on form (as usual) in this episode, and we get to see Virgil’s first trip in Thunderbird Three! This makes sense as we were shown Virgil piloting Three  up to Five in TOS ‘Ricochet’.

“Any luck tracking down Fischler?”

“Not yet. That guy changes addresses more than I change socks.”

Um... I don’t know which part of that sentence to be more worried about...

“Hello, this is Langstrum Fischler, inventor and visionary!”

“And this is International Rescue.”

“Ah... Yes... so it is.”

You know what, I’ve been awake for too long now and am a little too tired to sit here and write the essay I would love to write on Fischler and his idiocy and made up names and processes. But I will have to write that another time when I am more able to write something which isn’t a load of prattle. So for now, let me just express my heartfelt feelings that said man is a liability. The epitome of liability even.

“John’s right. We do have a situation.”

As I have said before Alan; we wouldn’t have a show if you didn’t.

“What are our options?”

“We could try to steer the comet away from Earth.”

“Because we’ve seen how well that’s worked for Fischler.”

“Ah, yes, point taken.”

New catch phrase, maybe? FAB and RAD are totally outdated.

“I say we blast it to bits!”

Of course you do, Virgil, seems to be an area of expertise of yours, after all: demolition.

“I’ve loaded up enough demolition charges to do the job.”

“Wait, you put explosives on my ship?”

This is another of those traditional Alan lines that only Alan can ever really get away with saying.

“Alan, you fly a rocket. It’s already an explosive.”

“Point taken.”

I still adore this scene.

“This is Thunderbird Three. That was a rough ride.”

“But thanks to Alan, we’re ok.”

“Which is more than Fischler’s gonna’ be when I’m done with him.”

Yeah... it’s probably a good thing that Scott can only reach Fischler by holographics... the man would have a broken nose else.

“Better you two stay on task and blow up the comet.”

Not everyday we hear that from International Rescue!

“And Fischler’s rocket.”

“Especially Fischler’s rocket!”

Yes, we get it Scott. We get it.

“Meanwhile, I’ll break the news to Global One.”

Which of course happens to be where Ridley is based.

“Ridley, you may want to sit down.”

“Not so easy in zero gravity.”

Does she not know by now that John really struggles with humour and works in a high pressure environment where if he’s calling you, it’s probably because you’re in life-threatening danger.

“Ok, you have my attention.”

“Good, because all of you on Global One are in serious danger.”

“Only the last shuttle was short one seat.”

So, I highly doubt any space based organisation would miss-run a potentially life threatening calculation like that for one.

“Besides I thought you could use a hand with the towing operation.”

“What towing operation?”

“John, I’ve did the calculations. My maneuvering jets aren’t powerful enough to push Global One out of the way in time. So I’m counting on you to save the space station.” 

Secondly, that was the whole point of why John told you to leave Global One - there was no plan to rescue something which could be rebuilt. (Yes, I am aware here that the boys often try to rescue their own ships, but emotional attachment is the reason for those calls - I’m well aware Ridley’s call could be put down to the same reasons, but it’s a call that annoys me. One I don’t think a Captain should have made).

“Ridley, I’m not a tow boat Captain. I rescue people.”

“Ok, I’m people. Rescue me.”

So, thirdly, (and I’m aware I’m about to say some things that might not be well received, but), who does she think she is? I thought the character of Ridley was going to be a good addition to the show, but in this episode, I kinda changed my mind on that a bit. John is the sort of person who - whilst capable of remaining incredibly calm under pressure - does have a massive heart. I mean, look how he took in EOS after she nearly killed him (and potentially Scott, Brains and Alan) and gave her a second chance. Ridley knows he would rescue anyone because that is his job. Emotional blackmail doesn’t sit well with me - and whilst many might not see her actions in that way - that’s how they always come across to me. This entire conversation makes out very clearly that she stayed because she wanted IR to save Global One, but knew there was no chance of that occurring if it was just the ship in the comet’s way. So she stays, and then trips every switch that John has - because he (like most of the Tracy family in the odd world of 2060) has a conscience - and makes herself need rescuing when it could have been avoided. Maybe I see it more this way because I’ve always had a soft spot for John - up in space, all on his own - but even if this isn’t blackmail, it’s manipulative. And even if it wasn’t intended that way, it definitely works that way. With Alan and Virgil on the comet, the only other option is for John to act and - like Scott says - put himself in danger, all for one person who didn’t listen to him in the first place, someone who you would have expected should have enough knowledge (and apparent care) to listen to him. It just annoys me that she acted that way.

Right, potential discussion-opening opinion out there, but I felt it needed saying (although hopefully I’ve written that argument well and not done any tired prattle). Now to move on.

“John, what are you doing?”

“Trying to save Captain O’Bannon’s life.”

“Oh. Well then, carry on, Using Thunderbird Five?

“That’s the general idea.”

“John, come on! If things don’t go your way, we could lose Global One, Thunderbird Five and you!”

“Love to hear about a better plan.”

Unfortunately I have to now return to my above essay. You see my point?

“There may not be time to pull Global One clear of the comet. I’ll rescue you first, then we can try.”

“No! It’s like we discussed. Save me, save my station. Package deal.”

“Ridley, be reasonable.”

Yes, be reasonable, and don’t put people (i.e. John) needlessly in danger.

“John, this is my command and I am not about to abandon it. Would you give up Thunderbird Five if the boot was on the other foot?”

Already discussed this as well, so won’t repeat myself too much, but really, manipulative is the only word which struck me for all of this. There was (other than for the sake of expanding the episode) no reason for Ridley to put John in this position.

“Score one to you, Captain.”

See? Forgiving John (or maybe blind John) all over again. And wait for it;

“Just like climbing  set of monkey bars.”

“If the monkey bars are twenty-two thousand miles high.”

“John.. don’t help.”

Okay, really now, make your mind up because you cannot have everything, and I definitely believe that you cannot treat someone who is risking their life for you (job or not) - and who you might have considered a friend - like that. Seriously, she irks me in this episode, a lot (if you hadn’t already guessed). But yeah, I’ve seen the real life effects of emotional manipulation like that, and I personally believe Ridley was really out of order, and even after she became trapped, and John risked coming out to rescue her there still wasn’t any apology.

I’m with EOS on this one, not jealous maybe, but angry. She stands to lose a lot as well if she loses John and/or Thunderbird Five, remember.

“Did I see Thunderbird Three sticking out of that comet?”

Yes, yes you did.

“This is us leaving... Except the grappling arms won’t retract!”

“What?”

“I’m not thrilled about it myself!”

I told you Alan was on form, did I not? He did really well to get them out of that situation then. He really is a skilled pilot.

“They did it!”

“I never doubted them for a moment.”

Of course not, Brains. We’ll just never speak of it, shall we?

So, apart from the fact this episode was in space (key point that one) and was called ‘Impact’, it still shared many similar elements with the earth-based TOS episode ‘Edge of Impact’, alongside the soon to come ‘Weather or Not’ TAG episode. Combined, ‘Impact’ and ‘Weather or Not’ sum up many elements featured in ‘Edge of Impact’ quite well - the high tower, the endangered lives, the near-misses, the potential loss of life, entrapment, the technological failure... anything I’ve missed?

Oh, and I really love the above poster.

[raccoon-wizard]

Two and Half Assholes

An entire one person (shout out to @jumpfiend) expressed their wish for me to write an angry essay about the long dead show Two and Half Men (2003-2015) and all the problems it has. Allow me to start by saying that I am by no means a professional critic and I have never really written an in-depth review of anything. But I have a lot of feelings that I need to get out about this shitshow, otherwise my head is gonna explode next time my father insists on watching it.

Just a warning, this is a very long post.

What is Two and Half Men about?

If I tried to write my own summary here, I would probably end up tearing it to shreds already. Instead, I’m going to borrow the annotation from IMDB.com: “A hedonistic jingle writer's free-wheeling life comes to an abrupt halt when his brother and 10-year-old nephew move into his beachfront house.”

That doesn’t really say much, does it now. Luckily, the same site also provides us with a wide range of plot (hahahah “plot”) summaries written by users. This one tells us a little more: “The Harper brothers Charlie and Alan are almost opposites but form a great team. They have little in common except their dislike for their mundane, maternally cold and domineering mother, Evelyn. Alan, a compulsively neat chiropractor and control-freak, is thrown out by his manipulative wife Judith who nevertheless gets him to pay for everything and do most jobs in the house. Charlie is a freelance jingle composer and irresistible Casanova who lives in a luxurious beach-house and rarely gets up before noon. Charlie "temporarily" allows Alan and his son Jake, a food-obsessed, lazy kid who shuttles between his parents, to move in with them after Alan's separation/divorce. The sitcom revolves around their conflicting lifestyles, raising Jake (who has the efficient, caring dad while having a ball with his fun-loving sugar uncle who teaches him boyish things), and bantering with Evelyn and various other friends and family. Other fairly regular characters include Charlie's cleaning lady Berta and his rich, self-confessed stalker neighbor Rose who often sneaks in to spy on Charlie.”

Now that’s much better. It gives us quite a decent picture of the show’s ensemble. At least for the starter episodes, this is pretty much what it is. But as the show progresses, we see that the characters have a little bit more depth to them. But not that much. 

Let’s start with Charlie Harper, the “freelance jingle composer and irresistible Casanova who lives in a luxurious beach-house and rarely gets up before noon” portrayed by Charlie Sheen. (Is that man still a thing?) I think we can get a lot by taking apart this brief description of him. Freelance jingle composer pretty much means that he has a grand piano in his house and we can occasionally see him playing it while trying to put together words for a commercial for some random product. And that’s it. He has a few other musician friends who are just as big of assholes as he is, but we’ll get to that later. Other than that, we don’t really see him working at all. I think there is one episode about him writing kids’ songs because his girlfriend’s kid likes them. And one about him getting an award?? I don’t know man. The second part of that statement is a much more prominent “personality” trait of Charlie’s. In nearly every episode, we see him “dating” (meaning shagging and then dumping) another woman. I have mentioned in my initial post that this show is misogynistic. Don’t worry, I will also get into that later. For now I’m going to say that Charlie treats all these women absolutely disgustingly and we’re supposed to laugh at that. On the rare occasions we see him in a long term relationship (which happens twice I think? I’m not sure now), we get the stereotypical ball and chain bullshit. The woman takes all his freedom and tries to make him better. While I hate that trope with burning passion, I have to admit that in this case, she does have a solid point. Charlie is a pathetic excuse of a man who has to count on his good looks (questionable) and his riches. By the way, where did he even get them? Does composing jingles really make that much money? Is he that good of a gambler? I’m pretty sure I’ve seen another episode addressing the fact that the answer to both of these questions is no. Where the hell did this luxurious beach-house come from??? So many questions about a show that deserves so little.

Surprisingly, Charlie is the better one out of the two brothers. At the start, we really do feel sorry for Alan. His wife (who is a HORRIBLE person by the way) kicks him out and manipulates him into still paying for everything and doing many things for her around the house. Who wouldn’t feel bad for someone like this? He moves in with Charlie “for the time being”. Soon, we realise that he is not leaving the house anytime soon. He becomes a disgusting leech, a truly pathetic excuse of a man. And he doesn’t even bother hiding it. I’m not sure if we’re supposed to feel sorry for him or laugh at him, but either case doesn’t really work if you spend at least ten seconds thinking about it. How are we supposed to sympathise with a man that lives off of others and barely lifts a finger to change it? The worst part is, the show presents it as something completely normal. We don’t really see Alan’s actions turning against him, do we? Most of the time, whatever shit he does, works just fine for him. 

Another prominent character is Alan’s son, Jake, who grows up throughout the series. A fat little boy, not exactly bright. A spoiled brat (if it’s the fault of Alan or Judith is questionable) that has everything handed to him, as Charlie points out in one episode. It’s another bad personality trait that we’re supposed to find funny. And at first, we kind of do. But once again, as the show progresses, it gets worse. Jake becomes the oldest kid in his class because he fails so many times. He only gets to start middle school because “he’s too big for the desks in his class now”. A bit of a watered down Dudley Dursley now that I think about it. It feels that the older Jake gets, the dumber he is. He eventually joins the military because he is too daft to realise. (If I remember correctly, that was done only so Jake’s actor could leave the show because he pretty much realised how bad it was.)

The main reason why I hate this show so much, however, is its way of handling female characters. There’s a few prominent ones - the aforementioned Judith, Alan’s ex wife, a cold hearted manipulative bitch, that also follows the trope of “I’m breaking up with you because I’m a lesbian” for a while, but then it’s never addressed again, not even once. Then we have Alan and Charlie’s mother, Evelyn, also a cold hearted bitch lacking any motherly instincts whatsoever that the men blame for how they turned out. Honestly, I can kind of see it. There’s Rose, Charlie’s neighbour whom he had slept with once and who’s been obsessed with him ever since, following him pretty much wherever he goes and inappropriately visiting him, usually in order to chase any woman that gets close to him away. We have Berta, Charlie’s housekeeper that I would like to believe is there to show the differences between different classes, as she has a large family to take care of, fending of her daughters’ admirers and dealing with drug and alcohol issues. But at this point we all know she’s only there so we can laugh at her struggles and the witty remarks she likes to make. 

A special category of women in this show are the lovers and girlfriends. All of them end up either leaving the men for someone better (good for them tbh), or getting left by them. But remember, we’re supposed to always be siding with the men. The women are there for us to laugh at and hate. Rose the stalker? The only reason Charlie never gets rid of her is so we can laugh as she appears unexpected on his balcony over and over again. Are her apparent mental health issues ever addressed? Maybe once, but as a joke. You know, the classic ha ha ha ha look an insane person that’s hilarious. Judith the ex wife and her flock of weird friends (that Charlie converts)? Look, evil wives hating men, ha ha ha ha. Better run away from there, men, or they’ll eat you alive! Ha ha ha ha. Judith wanting support from friends and claiming she deserves to be happy is played off as something we scoff at. Chelsea, Charlie’s girlfriend and fiancée? The ball and chain thing, similarly to Judith, but not nearly as manipulative - this one we can see really means well and wants to help Charlie, but he’s a Man™ and cannot handle that, despite claiming to love her very dearly. Lindsay, Alan’s on again, off again girlfriend? Oof. Where to even start with that one. As most of the characters (save for maybe Judith), she starts off decent, despite her inexplicable desire for Alan. (Seriously though what in the world is up with that.) Also, now that I mentioned Alan’s weird sex appeal (not to me but to the female characters of the show, ew), what the hell was up with Judith wanting to suddenly fuck him again and HIM ENDING UP BEING THE FATHER OF HER DAUGHTER???? Was that the point when the writers just said “you know what, fuck this” or?

Some additional things the men on the show did to women:

Infidelity. Aka “ha ha ha many women want man what a lucky bastard he gets to fuck many women ha ha ha oh no he’s been caught ha ha ha funny”.

Infidelity with their friends/family members. I’m pretty sure this happened multiple times. One of the male protagonists gets a girlfriend. Girlfriend has an attractive daughter. Man sleeps with daughter. Girlfriend is mad. Man claims that it is actually a compliment to her because the daughter is just a younger version of her. Man gets upset when girlfriend disagrees. Poor man, girlfriend mean :(((

Another thing I would like to point out is the show’s dumbass approach to sexuality and gender. It’s the age old, straight men bullshit that lesbians = hot, gay men = ew. We see that throughout the whole thing a bunch of times. Alan ends up marrying Walden (whom I will talk about as well) so they can scam an adoption agency. That’s just wrong, man. That’s awful. And regarding gender, the way this shitshow handles trans people is disgusting. I can currently only think of one instance of this, but I have a feeling it happened multiple times, but with Charlie and Alan. They meet a woman, flirt, sleep together, all fun and games. But for some god forsaken reason, after all is done, the woman decides to be like “yeah by the way I used to be a dude” and?? Why?? First of, why would any trans person want to tell anyone their deadname and other things after successfully transitioning? I’m a cis woman, but this really makes no sense to me. Please correct me if I’m wrong on this one, but if you’ve spent years trying to pass as whatever gender you identify with, transitioned, you wouldn’t exactly go around sleeping with people and afterwards telling them about it, would you? And second of all, the entire reason why these characters appear are so we can be like “eww he slept with someone who used to have a penis eww” and laugh as they have a small crisis because of it. Just. Why?? I am aware that this is a thing other shows do/have done as well, but it really bothers me. And even when the guy decides to roll with it, all we get are those jokes that the woman is “more manly” than him. I remember vividly Alan hooking up with a trans lady and briefly dating her, only so we can see her pick a fight with a man, pay for their food and shit and Alan being flustered because he feels like less of a man. Again, please correct me if I’m wrong since my knowledge of gender is limited, but I’m about 97 % sure this is not how it works.

One would have thought that most of this would end after Charlie’s death. His place is taken by Walden Schmidt, portrayed by the angel that is Ashton Kutcher, a “billionaire internet entrepreneur who has recently been divorced and is now suicidal” (wiki). Before I dig in to how it actually got worse, let’s talk about Walden for a while. He really is a nice change. Walden is a genuinely good character, we see him working super hard and treating women well and just being great. I actually like him. The problem the show has when it comes to him is treating his suicidal-ness as just another little joke. Ha ha ha man wants to die man weak. Funny. But as we get over this part (rather quickly tbh), things involving Walden get actually good (besides the part where he sleeps with Alan’s mother). We do see some annoyingly familiar divorce related things, but in contrast to Alan, we see Walden actually get back on his own two feet. 

Alan will forever be my biggest issue with this show. I don’t know if he gets worse or if it’s just the contrast with Walden that makes it seem that way, but he becomes a bigger and bigger parasite, exploiting Walden’s kindness, becoming a lover to his, at that point, former girlfriend Lindsay and somehow exploiting her current boyfriend? He just goes haywire is what I’m trying to say.

I’m not saying that people like that don’t exist. We see it every day, the rich playboys, the pathetic incels. They are everywhere and we totally should talk about them. But not like this. We shouldn’t feel like we should sympathise with them, we shouldn’t hate those that try to criticise them, or those who want to get rid of them. We shouldn’t laugh when they hurt people around them. Men shouldn’t want to relate to them. Characters like this should be presented as something we should avoid becoming.

“What’s your problem? It’s just something I watch to unwind,” my father scoffs at me as I complain about yet another evening we all have to spend listening to the nonsense Two and Half Men brings us. Yea, maybe for you. Maybe you know better than to treat people around you, especially women, like they’re just something you can play around with and then throw into the sewers. Maybe you give everyone equal respect. (No he doesn’t, by the way.) But you know, with the way this TV channel plays this show over and over and over and over again (five episodes a day, every day, and the second they get to the end, they just start over), there’s probably a number of young people who don’t realise how wrong it is and take what’s said there as something to live by. Maybe they’ll think that it’s okay to use people to their advantage. Maybe they’ll think like a rich entitled middle aged straight white man. That’s my problem. Even though the show ended five years ago, it still lives on our televisions and it still gives us wrong examples on how to live our lives. That’s why I hate the show. Not just the awful writing and “plot” holes. It’s the way it treats people and presents it as something that’s totally fine. 

[timetravellingshinigami]

Warning! I've Watched The Movie!Endgame Spoilers ahead!!

I'm putting This warning because some of ya'll are mean saying "If you leak spoilers you deserve no rights!" F off!! If you read these spoilers and then get mad you deserve no rights!!!

Endgame review and rant starts from here.... Don't mind it starts out as a rant....

You would think!!!...

reading Endgame spoilers, writing Endgame essays and then watching the movie, would lessen the shock factor. Nah! You wrong af!....I watched the cam version of the movie today and when I saw Thor i was like..

And the worse! thing is he ain't fat because he was depressed. NO! He is fat because The Russos! wanted him to be funny! That was the only purpose for Chubby Thor!

Even in that video i could hear the audience laughing!!!! The little kids found it hilarious and i was sitting here at home and crying!!!!

You could see Thor's pain and anger when Banner said Thanos name but...

The Camera focused on his belly so much like "LOOK AT IT ITS FUNNY!!"

and I'm in floods of tears going "😭😭😭😭😭 NO it's not!!! Leave me alone please! 😭😭😭" It was painful!!! How could that they do this to him!

And he gives a little speech that he's fine and that he has no wish to be involved in helping the Avengers and he tells Rocket and Prof. Hulk to leave...but then Rocket says "there's beer on the ship" and Thor ups and goes with them????? Huuuuuuhhhhh!??????

And then for most of the movie the focus is on his beer belly and making him sound like an idiot!!!

Should Thor be depressed? of course!!! After everything he's gone through of course!! Should he gain weight being depressed? Yes! I GAIN WEIGHT WHEN I'M DEPRESSED!!! Being depressed and using junk food, alcohol, playing games all day will have this effect on you. But is him gaining weight!!! Something to laugh at??? NO!!!!

And Valkyrie???? In Ragnarok she went through the same situation Thor is in now. She was depressed and drowned her sadness in Alcohol. And then Thor came along and gave her her purpose back. Made her realise she can do so much more than wasting away on the Trash Planet.

And now Thor is in the same situation as her and...what? Valkyrie has been helping the Asgardians settle in Tonnsberg while Thor was drinking and eating junk food and worried about cable!!

But you know what Thor was never a dumbass!!! After what happened in the first Thor movie he was everything a good king would be. The reason he didn't want the Throne of Asgard on TDW was because he felt he could protect the nine realms better when he's not sitting on the Throne of Asgard. But when peace reigns he will gladly take care of his people.

What was all that character development in Thor 2011 and Thor: The Dark World and even in shitty Ragnarok all about?!!!! Actually i blame partly Ragnarok for Thor ending up.like this. Ragnarok was what started Thor as a comical character. The Russo just went "Its free real estate" and renovated on it and gave us Chubby Thor who couldn't even speak a complete sentence properly.

And that's not even it, what bothers me is that in the 5 years no one was helping Thor get better. Korg and Meik were pretty much enablers. Looking at things Valkyrie most probably tried to talk to him but he didn't bother to listen. And after a while she let him be hoping he comes out of his grief on his own. But, You know what pre Ragnarok Thor would listen to her. Pre Ragnarok Thor would not hide away and pretend nothing happened! Pre Ragnarok Thor would be grateful that he has people who care about him. He would do his best for the Asgardians he has with him now. Valkyrie and Korg and Miek are his closest people and he has their shoulder to cry on!! Especially Val. She does understand! and the entire time he was shutting himself away from the world, she helps the Asgardians get used to this new place. She also has hopes Thor will heal in time. She hasn't given up hope. I mean when all the Avengers were giving Thor looks of "oh, that is sad", she in the end has confidence in him. The movie never showed her thinking Thor is lesser of a man and king than he was before. She actually hopes for him to finally do right by his people.

What pisses me off is that Thor just goes off onto another adventure leaving Valkyrie with more responsibility than she already has (considering that now the whole human population is back and recovering from the IW events you can guarantee a whole host of problems are going to arise for the Asgardians. Considering how humans are you can bet on that.) The only way I can forgive Thor is if they give us a Thor 4 where he comes back to Earth with the remaining Asgardians (Hulk does say "we can bring them back") and finally decides to do some good for his people. Helps them have a better life, navigating human culture, learning new skills.

The Russos make Thor's grieve look like a joke! LIKE THOR DOESN'T EVEN CARE!!! RESPONSIBILITY??? NOPE THOR DOESN'T KNOW ANY OF THAT! you don't even feel sorry anymore or sympathise with Thor. You just feel ANGRY!! At the Russos and at Thor himself!!

Other things that hurt me...

Tony's death. It hurts just thinking about it! I feel it was unnecessary. There's no need for him to die. The Russos with all their imagination should have given him a happy ending! Natasha's death broke me first! Yeah you're gonna be a weeping mess after this. Steve was...*sigh*!!! It was sad and bittersweet. Did i like that ending for him? Not really 😢

Wanda doesn't get back Vision. Recently Elizabeth Olsen gave hints that the WandaVision series will be set in 1950s. I don't even know how that works out 😐

And Loki!!! You know how we thought he was ooc in Ragnarok? Nah! The Loki we see in Endgames New York 2012 is competing side by side with Ragnarok Loki on who is more ooc . I mean! He actually shape-shifted into Steve to mock him. He waved bye bye at the Hulk!! What??!! And then he just disappears and you're sitting there like "what the hell happen???"

What was good about Endgame?....

The rest of the movie was good. The humour was great when it didn't involve Thor. I'll never get over Scott in ant size sticking his ass out and saying "Flick me" at Tony😂 There were a lot of ass jokes. But it was find. Rocket and Prof. Hulk are my faves.

Thor meeting his mother was very emotional. Since she's a witch she immediately knew he was from the future. She doesn't judge him at all. She's just happy to see him.Their reunion was very sweet. A lot of tears and hugs. 😢In the end Frigga gives him a hug just before he leaves tells him in her sweet motherly voice "eat a salad" 😂😂 The only thing that was irritating here is Thor calling her "mom" 😕

For those who have been asking, there's a reason Thor had to sneak pass Loki 'cause of the time travel thing he can't allow himself to be seen by anyone. And Loki would definitely know this is Thor from the future. That would mess things up a lot.

Thor looked sort of better at the end when he was fighting Thanos. It would seem him summoning his armour, Mjolnier and the lighting also took care of his beard and hair. It's still long but braided 😕 He fought good. He was cool at the end.

Gamora is alive (Gamora from the past entered the 2018 timeline because of Thanos) !! 😄 And Quill is looking for her (He gotta make her fall in love with him all over)

And of course the fighting was epic as is expected. Cap wielding Mjolnier! When everybody showed up through Strange's portal!, Steve's "Avengers Assemble", Tony and Pepper fighting together!!! Wanda!! The Ladies of Marvel!! Captain Marvel!! 10/10(Tbh, Carol does look a little impatient the few times she was in the movie. Like she needed to be somewhere. I guess she has priorities. Other planets to protect. The moment she was sure Earth was safe she was gone.)

Not gonna lie, Endgame is epic and it is brilliant and amazing even with its flaws.

What's interesting is according to the Ancient One, if you move the stones from their proper place in the timeline it would result in a parallel reality being created. And of all the stone only the Space Stone has been moved from its place..by Loki. So that could mean a new alternate reality/universe has been created. And you know what.....That is actually scary. I wonder if the present universe Thor even knows that this other reality even exists where Loki is most probably alive. But even if he knows he wouldn't be able to do anything anyway.

Watching the movie, and seeing everybody fight together side by side, makes me miss Loki. It's like that scene where he takes the Space Stone and vanished sealed his fate somewhat. He's no longer connected to the timeline or universe we know. A new story exists for him. He's completely separated. And He's different now. He's probably still somewhat a villain with no redemption. He was never meant to fight side by side with the Avengers in this universe at least. Who knows how he turns out in the other universe. As matter of fact i wonder how everyone in the other universe turns out.

Looking at things i feel if Loki had been alive after IW, he will never be able to just settle down on Earth. And now Thor is the same too. They will probably just up and leave and travel. 'Cause for Loki especially, he's never going to be able to adjust with humans. The restrictions on him would be huge. I see him as the type who would leave through a hidden portal to other worlds.

I do feel like everybody's story hasn't really ended. Especially for Thor. He calls himself and Quills team as "Asgardians of The Galaxy" and if I'm not wrong there's a comic book of that name. Aside from that he, Quill and the team need to find Gamora and other Asgardians and return to Earth. And there better be a movie for that.

*Insert The Avengers theme song by Alan Silvestri*

[palukoo]

so a couple months ago i relistened to w359 and made a 18000 word document while doing so containing iconic quotes, my reactions, feelings, et cetera. heres some highlights with varying amounts of context. (theres lowkey spoilers for the whole series btw)

""""i empathize too much""""

crazy how i still vividly remember walking outside [my old job] and to starbucks while listening to the spider ep... trauma

i mean i dont love it but it makes me feel things

GABRIEL THATS TOO ON THE NOSE

"let me have my badass space chick victory cocktail"

god like i AM team what wrong with handcuffs but I WOULD NOT HESITATE to kill hilbert for hera

the girlssss are fightinggg

THE SAD W359 MUSIC IS KILLING ME

like memoria who maxwell who jk jk

i love you renee minkowski marry me

local idiot's heart is in the right place

HARPOOOOOOONSSSS

lovelace lovelace lovelace loveLACE LOVELACE

"maybe she's some kind of clone thing" EIFFEL... this is day 1!!!

i hate these self sacrificial idiots

no no no not this music again ill cry

yall are so emotionally stunted it fucking hurts but damn if you dont care

literally how are they still alive

i want to hug her so much omg

alan rody shut the FUCK up im crying

rip zach valenti's throat

face the death reality via math

jacobi being a piece of shit

maxwell said lets kill hilbert rights

this is a kepler hate blog

minkowski thinking her emotions dont matter to the mission oh ho ho

"youre gonna straighten up" cutter they cant theyre not straight

maxwell and jacobi show up and blow up lads

"and you should really be more careful with your queen" KEPLER WHAT DOES THAT MEAN

wolf 359 stop making me stan these literally terrible people

FUNZO FUNZO FUNZO

i am caring about men tonight lads

theyre both awful sure go ahead have history

hilbert you interrupted their emotional moment they wouldve had a MOMENT

hera said im gay

ohhhh nooo interpersonal conflict makes me sad

hug minkowski rn

FRIENDSHIP IS MAGIC jacobi and maxwell are iconic

minkowski how did you not kill him

how much do yall use the words "good enough" and "cant"

"are you an alien" GOD the Hints

"one of our... sexier jobs" vs "this is gonna said less sexy after that"

eiffel stop cockblocking them

y'all's choice of pronouns IS illuminating

PROTECT HERA AT ALL COSTS

aw eiffel... minkowski... communication is KEY

oh yeah THATS what the psi wave regulator is for.... SURE

hilbert read the room

JACOBI you can't just describe minkowski like that without giving me a heart attack

how many times have all these bitches almost died

SORRY ANYTHING THEY SAY I LOSE IT

oh minkowski finally flipped (VALID)

oh wait that fact isnt fun at all and im literally crying

LIKE sometimes you save someone's life at great personal risk only to kill her a little while later

minkowski cries to “back to before” from ragtime

i feel to many things about the gals here idk what to tell you i love them thats the problem

its gay and it hurts!

lovelace laughing at people who can and will kill her... hot

OH WERE STARTING LOVELACES SELF SACRIFICE ALREADY

they let lovelace say FUCK

OH WAIT NO I FORGOT ITS WORSE

THANKS FOR MURDERING ME WITH YOUR TEARY ANGRY VOICE

ouchie anyways gay or no but also gay

hilarious and sad at the same time?

MAXWELL dont be a bitch... i expect this from jacobi and honestly i actually expect this from maxwell too but i dont like it

NO NOT THIS MUSIC

BROTP BROTP BROTP

i cant say anything else im too busy crying

UGH I COULD WRITE ESSAYS ON MY THOUGHTS ABOUT THIS THE MESSAGE THE TAKEAWAY BROADLY THE PERSONAL EMOTIONAL ANGUISH THE DESIRE TO HUG HERA ITS

im mad but thank you... all of you... explain... 

stop stop stop im literally so tense gone straight from sobbing to freeze instinct

GOD I HATE ALL THESE SURVIVALS GUILT IDIOTS

OH theyre all about uncertainty... the what ifs... okay... ouch ouch ouch

give everyone awards for bolero

eris are you gay

she said gay rights and AI rights

like i know i know we been knew but goddard really is so awful

Hera stop narrating Lovelace’s ongoing existential crisis

HOW IS THIS NOT GAY (I know how it’s not gay but. Let me have this)

KEPLER stop giving Lovelace insecurities and existential crises

Team back off lovelace for the win

like not to be dramatic but her arc is beautiful

oh boy thats my girlsssss

THATS FLIRTING MINKOWSKI

god i love that concern for your gf keep it up minkowski

COMMUNICATION? WITH THIS CREW? BOLD

GOD angrey hera is great

you know hera is having the time of her life witnessing it

eiffel you just ruined their romantic moment

minkowski is gonna kill them

a much better gayer more altruistic light

WE’RE ALWAYS TALKING ABOUT COMMUNICATION

WAIT I WAS BEING CANON DAMN I THOUGHT I WAS BEING CREATIVE AND PERHAPS OOC BUT IM IN THE CLEAR I GUESS

god hera has needed to snap at eiffel for so long

i can already feel myself about to get hit with the tears... the emotions

that shit hits different renee

The implications that Goddard like destroyed global warming omfg

it’s the moral grayness babeyyy

when it hits you with minkowski's shaky sigh first thing you know its gonna hit different

MINKOWSKI i need you to. love yourself as much as i love you

GOD the mutual concern they always have for each other is touching whether or not you think its gay. i think its gay

HERA WOULD YOU ASK A COW TO NOT BE A COW

oh of COURSE they cut coms first

lovelace is man, butterfly is quote, it says "is this flirting"

jacobi i need you to chill

but jacobiiiii thats lovelaces schtick

oh eiffel... you fucking idiot who gets really lucky sometimes

this game of chicken where theyre both chickens and kepler doesnt know any of that and each of them only know half

minkowski said im an ethics teacher now

who taught minkowski empathy in high stress situations?

yeah so i stay hitting the nail on the head

“kepler SHUT UP” is what brings everyone together

this is, como se dice.... kinda gay

this statement does not bode well for that

“Maybe less talking to yourself” he says to himself

ugh, to be Pop Culture Man™️

RACHEL i love you even tho I also hate you

Rachel if you make one more hand joke I’ll lose my mind

HER NAME!!!! IS HERA!!!! And I love her!!

i have a vivid mental image of post-series eiffel doing stand up like chris fleming style 

"my crew has made it very clear through a series of looks and gestures that one more slip up and i am out, thats it, so im taking this job very seriously"

"minkowski is very overprotective in a weird, erratic way, like when your seat belt randomly locks and its like i appreciate what youre trying to do but im going 4mph in a drive way."

"so when something like this happens you have to at least consider going away for a long time and living on a cursed space station"

"you know how when maxwell and hera are talking ive never felt less needed, you know, like ‘cause you guys would be totally happy alone on a rock in the middle of a lake"

"this is the kind of body you look at and go he'd probably be ok in space without a space suit"

the whole "theater kids" video is actually him going off about minkowski

minkowski is too swole for her own good

jacobi im gonna need you to take the redemption arc more seriously

i love my crazy crazy bitches

this FUCKING music

GOD HOW DOES PRYCE JUST ALWAYS GET WORSE

she just like mutilated that man he is doa absolutely destroyed one hit ko

can you tone down the gay, sweetie

you did it you broke rachel and Goddard down to their bare essentials

GOSH shes so AWKWARD 

so damn jacobi was just IMMEDIATELY ride or die for maxwell

this is too much for my poor baby heart

pryce & carter literally are just like lets do eugenics, lets do genocide

when hera says ill pull a yall and sacrifice myself for minkowski and lovelace 

god like cant believe KEPLER got a redemption arc (well not arc but you know)

ah yes the most tragic scenes all take place at once :)

I HAD TO STOP LISTENING TO BRAVE NEW WORLD CAUSE IT MADE ME TOO CRAZYYYY

THE SCRIPT SAID IT NOT ME

i love space moms!

this fucking music ALAN RODY IM SUING FOR DAMAGES

like the document also does have a lot of like deep thoughts and meta and parallels and discussion of motivations but this is just fun random things i said

[usernamefiaren-blog]

Benedict Cumberbatch and Fandoms (3)

Hi guys,

So this is the last blog about Benedict Cumberbatch. Just to illustrate the creativeness that is the internet, each time I use his name I’m going to use a different variation of his name created by his amazing fandom: the Cumberbitches. This time I’m going to talk about his current career and the massive impact that having your own fandom can have on an actor like Bopplestack Humblelack. In the last blog I wrote about Vandlebum Candleback I ended just before 2014 started. In 2014 Crumplehatch Anglelatch played one of his most memorable roles so far. This was for the film The Imitation Game, in which Benedryl Cabbagepatch portrayed the historical figure of Alan Turing. This film is about how a small group of mathematical geniuses manage to crack the Enigma code. The Enigma machine was used by the Germans in the second world war to encode all of their messages. This way only the person with the ‘key’ to the encryption would understand the message. The biggest problem was, however that this ‘key’ was never similar to the previous ‘key’ used. This film is one that, in my opinion, everybody should watch. The way that Bumblebee Pumkinpatch portrays this man/hero is just absolutely brilliant. Because of this film Bendadick Slumberhatch got nominated for the Academy Award for best actor, but also the award for best actor at the Moet British Independent Film Awards, the Golden Globe Awards, Critics Choice Awards, Screen Actors Guild Awards, London Critics Circle Awards (not only the nomination for best actor, but also that of best British actor), Satellite Awards, AACTA International Awards and Irish Film and Television Awards, The National Film Award for best actor AND best ensemble at the Palm Spring International Film Festival…….. yes, let that sink in. All these nominations for one film. In fact for this film alone he got nominated for 25 awards, in various categories and for various award shows. Of these 25 nominations he won twice, came 2nd once and came 6th once. After this Benneyboop Cumberbop did a voice over for Penguins of Madagaskar, played in Black Mass and Zoolander 2. Last year he played Doctor Steven Vincent Strange in the film Doctor Strange, a Marvel Universe film. For this film he got nominated again, for a Critics Choice Award for best actor in an action movie. This year he’s already got 4 new films lined up. The Jungle Book: origins, where he plays Shere Khan, The War Magician, where he plays Jasper Maskelyne, The Current War, in which he plays Thomas Edison and Rogue Male, for this last movie the role has yet to be named, but it’s confirmed that it will be a lead role. This last movie is planned to either be released at the end of 2017 or the start of 2018. In February 2015 Frumious Bandersnatch married his lovely wife Sophie Hunter. Barely five months later he welcomed a little human into the world, which they named Christopher. Sadly, there have been press rumoring that both of these were just a PR stunt, which obviously is absolutely ridiculous, if you ask me. I feel like I don’t have a lot of right to say this, since I am writing about his life, but I think the press should really back off when it comes to artists’ personal lives and families. According to Hellomagazine his co-star in Doctor Strange, Tilda Swinton stated that ’’My fondest memory of him is as a new husband besotted by his girl, and a new father enchanted by his boy.’’ But as we all know it must be very hard for a star like Bandycat Cookiebatch to undergo the aftermath of a marriage. While there are so many of his Cumberbitches that completely respect the idea of him having his own private life, whether that is his love life or anything else, there are some nutters in every fandom that get angry as soon as they see their ‘internet boyfriend’ marry someone in real life. In an interview with Charlie Rose, Breadmachine Crackerjack quotes Sherlock when saying ‘’Being in disguise in full site is the best way.’’ When talking about ways to stay anonymous when he goes about his own private life. For those of you who don’t know what I’m talking about; fandoms. They are massive groups of people that all like the same thing. Whether that is a series, books or a film, it doesn’t matter. They like to write fanfiction (believe me you can find a lot of that on this website(for you own mental safety please don’t look it up)), these are stories about the actors or characters that the fans would like to read or write and put them in scenario’s that never happened, but they would either like those to happen or express an interest in the way that person or character would react in that situation. Often they use something called ‘shipping’ which is pairing up two people who aren’t necessarily a couple in real life, but they want to see them be a couple. Whether that is, in Bendable Cummerbund’s case, John Watson and Sherlock Holmes (called Johnlock), or in Misha Collin and Jensen Ackles’ (Supernatural)case, Dean Winchester and Castiel (called Destiel). These fanfictions can really go all kinds of ways, some of which you really don’t want to know. For a more detailed explanation of fandoms I would like to direct you to a YouTube video of a YouTuber I support, Danisnotonfire, who has his own fandom with his friend Phil, called the Phandom Phil and Dan -> Phan: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oqYkERuoMN8 Basically what I’m trying to say is that fandoms can really affect a career path of a certain person or the storyline of a certain series, which is great, but sometimes they need to back off and let the artists do their jobs. And by saying that I don’t just mean the actors, but also the official writers of these amazing stories. And I think it’s great that my generation has started to spend more time appreciating all kinds of art forms, like the Harry Potter books or the Doctor Who series. I think it has a positive impact on the creativity of a lot of people, but it also really encourages creative writing. Unfortunately this is the end of Brendadirk Cramplescrunch month. I really enjoyed writing this series and I am definitely going to continue this series. I have decided which person I will write about in February and I will drop a hint soon, so be on a look out for that. I hope you really enjoy this series too and I hope you will continue to follow my blog. Maybe even read the stuff that I write for university instead of my own personal obsessions. Again a big thank you to the people that follow and support my blog, you motivate me to actually sit down and write. See you next Tuesday. :)

Sources:

http://www.benedictcumberbatch.co.uk/interviews/

http://www.languageisavirus.com/benedict-cumberbatch-funny-name-generator/index.php

https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/5cz15a/what_are_the_best_names_youve_heard_for_benedict/

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Alan_Turing

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_awards_and_nominations_received_by_Benedict_Cumberbatch

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=F_WBuTYtgP8

http://www.hellomagazine.com/celebrities/2016100533883/benedict-cumberbatch-talks-marriage-and-fatherhood/

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oqYkERuoMN8

Yes, yes I know I used Wikipedia, but my blog is not an academic writing essay, don’t judge me :(

[mrmichaelchadler]

Bright Wall/Dark Room January 2019: The Year of the Death Wish by Fran Hoepfner

We are pleased to offer an excerpt from the latest edition of the online magazine, Bright Wall/Dark Room. Their latest issue discusses the best in film and television from 2018. In addition to Fran Hoepfner's piece below on "Mission: Impossible - Fallout" and "Free Solo," they also have new essays on "First Reformed," "Eighth Grade," "Annihilation," "Support the Girls," "Burning," "Cold War," "Mandy," "The Haunting of Hill House," "Schitt's Creek," "The Mule," "Jinn," "Disobedience," and more. 

You can read our previous excerpts from the magazine by clicking here. To subscribe to Bright Wall/Dark Room, or look at their most recent essays, click here.

There’s a fight scene in the first hour of Mission: Impossible — Fallout that takes place in a bathroom at an EDM party. I know, I know, you’re already sold. It was no doubt the highlight of the trailer, with an oft-gif’d moment of Henry Cavill’s Agent August Walker pumping his arms as if they were loaded guns (and who am I to say they’re not) before he punches a man in the face. It’s great, it’s comical. It’s the type of image you use to react to people on Twitter who say something wrong about a movie you like.

What drew me in, what sold me, really, 100 percent, on Fallout occurs just moments later when Walker is half-unconscious on the bathroom floor, and Ethan Hunt (Tom Cruise, a martyr, maybe, but we’ll get there), panting, looks up at the assassin who just clocked his associate. Hunt knowshe has to get up. He knows he has to take this guy down. He knows he has to finish the fight. But before he does it, he sighs and rolls his eyes. And not a blink-and-you-miss-it eyeroll, the type you sneak by your extended family during a long holiday meal. I’m talking a full 360 degrees eyeroll, baby. Isn’t that just the way it is sometimes? Or even most of the time? To get back up, to fight through it all, isn’t it the most annoying fucking thing in the world?

“Your mission should you choose to accept it,” Walker sneers, throwing the conceit of the entire franchise back at Ethan. “Isn’t that the thing?” That is the thing. The impossible missions of the Mission Impossible franchise are entirely optional. At any given time, they—and Hunt, specifically, and his scrappy can-do attitude—can choose to not accept. And yet, with an eye roll, no less, he gets back up onto his feet and runs full-speed into the man who wants him dead.

I have for several years now held onto a belief that every Tom Cruise movie is about death—the fear of, the desire for, the fight against. I say this not as a diehard Cruise fan (and truthfully, it feels almost entirely unethical to write about him in 2018) or even a Cruise completist, but where there’s smoke, there’s often fire. And even if not every Cruise vehicle aligns with my flippant theory, the Mission: Impossible franchise has certainly evolved to become more death-defying than ever before. Set against the Fast & Furious franchise—different, I know—and its increasing hyper-reliance on CGI for its stunts and locations, the Mission: Impossible movies and their penchant for making everything as real as it can be feel downright old school. And knowing that, it’s tough to watch Mission: Impossible — Fallout, and it’s even tougher to watch Cruise motorcycling sans helmet through the frantic roadways of Paris and not think, this guy is going to die making these movies.

//

I got into a bad habit this year where I became almost too reliant on the texting acronym “kms.” It stands for “kill myself.” Never did I use it to be anything but flippant. I promise it was never a threat. Rather it became an emotional crutch throughout what I’ll politely refer to as an emotional and turbulent year. There was some sort of creature comfort in responding to each subsequent blow by referring to all of it as “real kms hours.” It is hard to articulate what I mean by this, and I dedicated too much time throughout the year patiently telling those closest to me that this was just the way I communicated, and not indicative of any cry for help. For what it’s worth, most of my close friends seemed to hate this. It drove them insane, and I’m not proud of it. “Can you please not…say that?” they’d patiently ask. And I knew I shouldn’t. I knew it was bad. But what I meant, truly, any time I would respond to something with a tongue-in-cheek “kms” was not unlike the feeling of rolling one’s eyes before getting up and tackling a guy to the ground. There’s a death wish—embedded, floating, amorphous, invisible—but I’m gonna barrel on anyway.

//

National Geographic Documentary Films

It is sort of impossible to talk about guys with death wishes in film in the year 2018 without talking about Free Solo. The rock climbing documentary, directed by Jimmy Chin and Elizabeth Chai Vasarhelyi, centers around 31-year-old rock climber Alex Honnold as he attempts to solo El Capitan in Yosemite National Park. Apologies for all of the proper nouns. Free soloing, for those unfamiliar, as I was before I saw this documentary, is a lone ascent up a rock face with no ropes. To phrase it so formally feels like a disservice. The dude climbs up cliffs with nothing.

//

(Let me tell you a non-secret: Men are insane!)

//

The plot of Mission: Impossible — Fallout is both incoherent and deceptively straightforward. An attempt to procure three plutonium cores before they are sold to a terrorist organization called the Apostles is, easily put, botched. In lieu of letting his teammate Luther (Ving Rhames) die, Ethan Hunt lets these cores get into the hands of the Apostles. The rest of the film (where twists and turns abound, of course) is a mad dash across the globe to get these cores back so the Apostles don’t use them to make nuclear bombs. Simple enough, right? That Ethan let the bombs get into the hands of terrorists rather than lose a member of his team haunts him throughout the film, and this mistake (if you consider it one) pushes him to greater and greater heights—both physically and emotionally—to make up for what he’s done.

Alan Hunley (Alec Baldwin), Hunt’s handler, as he sends Hunt on his mission, tells him: “Some flaw deep in your core being simply won’t allow you to choose between one life and millions. Now you see that as a sign of weakness. To me, that’s your greatest strength.” It’s said appraisingly of Hunt, but it doesn’t feel entirely accurate. Hunt is constantly choosing millions over the one life—the life in most cases just isn’t that of his teammates, but himself. The extent and frequency at which Hunt puts his life on the line is wildly irresponsible. Before you tell me that’s the premise of the franchise, trust me, I’m aware that’s the premise of the franchise. But in Fallout, the structure feels changed, altered. There’s a tragic undercurrent. He has to keep going. He’s not trying to die, but it’s also the job.

//

Jimmy Kimmel, in speaking to Henry Cavill on the press tour for the film said, “I was getting angry watching [Cruise] do these stunts in this movie because it seems just irresponsible at this point.” Moments later: “Is he nuts? Is he out of his mind? Does he have a death wish?”

“You know what,” Cavill says, only half-certain (no matter what his jawline tricks you into thinking about his tone of voice), “you would assume so…”

“Yes!”

“But he doesn’t,” Cavill explains, before elaborating how good Cruise is at these stunts, which, if I’m being totally honest, seems entirely besides the point.

//

Free Solo is not, if you can believe me, “about” death; it’s about perfection. I know, I know: it’s easy to look at someone climbing up a cliff and decide they’re doing it because they want to die. Tommy Caldwell, Honnold’s friend and something of a mentor to him, explains: “Imagine an Olympic gold medal-level athletic achievement that if you don’t get that gold medal, you’re gonna die. That’s pretty much what free soloing El Cap is like. You have to do it perfectly.”

Part of what makes Free Solo such a compelling watch is that it dives so thoroughly into Honnold’s training process for soloing El Cap. Day after day, he gets up onto the rock, practicing sequences (“pitches”) over and over again until they don’t seem quite as scary. Except, obviously, they’re still extremely scary. It’s still a 3,000-foot vertical ascent with no sense of security whatsoever. Honnold says to the camera, “[T]here’s a satisfaction in challenging yourself and doing something well. That feeling is heightened when you’re for sure facing death. You can’t make a mistake. If you’re seeking perfection, free soloing is as close as you can get. And it does feel good to feel perfect. Like for a brief moment.”

//

Maybe you know this, maybe you don’t: Tom Cruise broke his ankle filming Mission: Impossible — Fallout. The footage, or a fraction of it, makes it into the finished movie. Hunt is running along a series of rooftops in central London, leaping across alleyways with all of the grace of a big cat, until he misses the mark for one, slams his body against the edge of the wall. He eases himself up over the ledge and hobbles ahead on a shattered ankle. Hunt trucks along, as does Cruise. For a moment, they’re one and the same. A man determined, grimacing, pushing forward.

//

I read tweets all the time that talk about the loose fascination we all seem to have with threatening to die or promising to die or saying we want to die. I’m generalizing. Your feed could be a lot brighter than mine. Regardless, it’s tough to not feel like we exist on the precipice of the apocalypse, if not already somewhat submerged in it. (If nothing else, the end of the world is fucking boring.) And to be flippant about death gives us, maybe, maybe!, a sense of control. Yet, I don’t think the political/economical/environmental circumstances are the same as flattening the language we use around death these days. I’m forced to quote Honnold in Free Solo and echo: “Look, I don’t want to fall off and die either.” We don’t joke about this because we want it, really. He doesn’t. I don’t. It’s just that it feels so unavoidable that there are fewer and fewer ways to react. The inevitability of death feels unavoidable and unfair and helpless and horrible, so why not come face to face with it? Even for a second?

//

Walker punches Ethan Hunt in the face. “Why won’t you just die?” he spits.

//

I have done about as much as I can do this year to not take care of myself. I mean this more emotionally than physically. Well, physically too. It was the year of no sleep or too much sleep, no food or too much food. I thought giving up an air conditioner would be a sign of physical strength, and I wound up with a heat rash. And in a recklessness that I can only describe as “theoretically romantic yet profoundly irresponsible,” I only escalated this harmfulness in my personal life. I sent the one in the morning text. A few too many of them, to be honest. I dug up the bodies of relationships long gone and buried for good reason. No one I haven’t spoken to in three years should be able to make me cry, and yet—. It was the first year I can recall knowing there are people who no longer want to be in the same room as me. To appease my loneliness, I scrounged my past in search of answers. There will be clues, I figured, easter eggs, for why things were the way they were. Why I am the way I am. In the heat and humidity of my un-air-conditioned bedroom, I wondered if I had always been so doomed?

I told a friend about something stupid I wanted to do, something I thought would be “good,” in scare-quotes, because I really meant bad, and they said, “that would be compelling if you hadn’t already done that this year.” Another go on El Cap. Another entry in the franchise. These things do get repetitive sometimes.

//

The truly harrowing footage in Free Solo—and this is a bold claim to make about a movie that centers around a man alone on a cliff without a rope—are the interviews with those closest to Honnold trying their best to make sense of his drive to solo El Cap. Or solo, in general. His mother, his girlfriend, even the production crew for the film itself. Jimmy Chin, the director, explains as evenhandedly as one can, “It’s hard to not imagine your friend Alex soloing something that’s extremely dangerous and you’re making a film about it which might put undue pressure on him to do something,” and here, Chin’s hand simply lowers, “and him falling through the frame.”

The weight of gravity haunts the film, a spectre. An inevitability. Mikey Schaefer, a climber and cameraperson on Free Solo, spends the majority of Honnold’s climb with his back to the camera and his hands over his eyes. I was able to stomach the film without looking away, but I felt all the liquid in my body sweat out through my palms. Walking out of the theater, a friend (a different one, I have at least two friends) turned to me and said, “We’re gonna live to see Alex Honnold die, aren’t we?”

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Tom Cruise laughs at the footage of his ankle breaking on Graham Norton as Simon Pegg looks away in fear and disgust. Look, he’s insane! Cruise, I mean. I know it! You know it! The movie is still good! Watching Cruise by which I mean Hunt but I really mean Cruise get up onto that broken ankle and run across London was exhilarating. Thrilling. In the theater, I remember laughing. It’s ridiculous, this impulse. I can’t think of another way to face it.

Later in Fallout, as Hunt mans a helicopter—a vehicle this character is not known to know how to pilot, and that Cruise learned how to fly in order to make this film—art imitates life: Benji (Simon Pegg) tells Ilsa Faust (Rebecca Ferguson), “I find it best not to look.”

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It does not seem like a coincidence to me that men get the luxury of hurtling towards death with an unrelenting eagerness. Honnold’s girlfriend, Sanni McCandless, confronts him about his intent to solo El Capitan without telling her first.

“I want to have this more holistic approach,” McCandless says, “like you have where you’re like, ‘we’re all gonna die, might as well do what we want while we’re here and it’s okay when people die,’ but I feel like I want you to meet me halfway, and when you solo to take me into the equation.” Moments later she adds: “Would putting me into the equation actually ever change anything? Would you actually make decisions differently?”

“If I had some kind of obligation to maximize my lifespan, then yeah, obviously I would have to give up soloing,” Honnold tells her.

“Is me asking you—do you see that as an obligation?”

“Uh, no. No.” He’s confident. Certain. This is what remains so remarkable about Honnold. His steadfast commitment to risk and perfection. To placate McCandless he adds: “But I appreciate your concerns and I respect that, but I in no way feel obligated, no.”

“To maximize…your lifetime…?” she specifies.

“No,” he repeats.

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What makes Fallout and Free Solo what they are is not death. It’s the spectatorship of death. It’s watching those around a person come to terms with what we all know is out there. Say what you will about Cruise, but we don’t want to see Ethan Hunt die. We want to see him succeed, we want him to achieve perfection. Mission accomplished, etc. And Honnold, too, is humanized in Free Solo. Easy, as I did earlier, to chalk him up to being a psychopath, but like so many other things, it’s much more complicated than that. “If I perish, it doesn’t matter, that’s not that big a deal,” he says. But Free Solo proves otherwise. It would be a big deal. It would ripple throughout the lives of his family, his friends, his charity work, the world.

Hunt, too, does not throw himself at assassins in French bathrooms for the hell of it. It’s so the world can keep spinning. The sun rises on Ethan Hunt and his teammates in a valley in Kashmir. “How close were we?” Benji asks. Hunt shrugs. “The usual.” Then he laughs.

Honnold too, reflects on his proximity to death, shifts uncomfortably. “Maybe that’s a little too callous,” he murmurs, looking away.

I type “kms” then delete it quickly. “Haha, sucks,” I write instead. Is this profound? I have no idea. Together, sometimes, even briefly, we soften.

from All Content http://bit.ly/2SSwIUc