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jamzandbamz · 2 years

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Part 2/2

I wonder if Jeff's previous youtube title choice meant anything in any significant way lol. Just a personal thought but as soon as I saw it I was like, "wait you have to be comfortable with that sentiment to claim it, right?" I know the algorithm is king lmao but would he have done that while pursuing the other G? It's not something to read into that much but it feels like something a more unattached Jeff would say. 🤔

If he's not unattached and he's still interested, maybe there have been some unavoidable barriers between them. It's interesting how G was traveling first, then he was, then he got sick... 😮 if anything else happens between them it would have to happen right around now, I guess, once he's caught up on work.

I can't remember when G deleted her tweet, but my guess is that she either wanted some privacy or is feeling some mortification after saying too much on their dates, especially since things may have gone silent on his end.

It's worth mentioning that she's very candid. This week she said she overshared on the V-day date, last week she said something vague about saying or doing too much and wanting to run away from LA and hide, so I'm assuming it's mostly related to the date. Idk if it's trauma dumping or maybe anxiety or if she's been through it recently, but it's interesting that she regrets it bc it means she's aware of it.

In one of the first vids of hers I clicked on, she opened up a lot about her family situation. It was interesting. She said that her mom has been an addict (alcohol +) for many years, since her childhood. She implied that they are on bad terms and said that she doesn't even speak to her anymore. She also opened up about historically having many friendship problems that repeat in various ways. She also said that her number one problem with herself is that she "hates herself." That's so tough, I feel for her but I also am curious about how she's approaching things now. I feel hopeful for her bc in her recent vids it sounds like she is all about making an effort to transcend her limitations rather than live out her programming, so I hope it all comes through for her 💗

But again, and this is just my opinion, Jeff, in contrast, who has rebelled, gone to jail, etc., still seems to have had a stable, well-meaning set of parents, a seemingly normal dynamic with them, and overall a relatively good upbringing with healthy bonding. I think he is able to form healthy romantic relationships and maintain them for a long time. This is the main reason why I can't realistically see Jeff going all in permanently unless she has experienced healing. I'm not here to judge and she seems very self aware and conscious of her patterns, so I think she'll find her way, but what she said did draw my attention.

Jeff has such a compassionate side, and I think he is calming and wanted to listen to her on the date when she opened up, and does like her, but I think he can sense if a new person can bond similarly in whatever budding dynamic he has with someone. Again, just my two cents.

I'll share this quickly, but I met with an amazing therapist and author a few years ago who shared that we form our subconscious concept of companionship through our relationships with our same gender parent (weird but interesting, there is more of a sibling vibe), and that we replicate it in our partnerships because companionship is at the foundation of romantic love. It's a major predictor of marital difficulty/success.

As far as personality/chemistry....I do think there is a lot of chemistry between them. She's a more confident version of Cierra to me. But I kinda do also feel a power clash. Do you feel that? Remember that psychic friend of his who said "don't marry your mother" LOL. It's just coming to mind.

This is kinda old news now BUT I'm happy to hear that the date went well and that Jeff makes her feel comfortable. My consistent impression is that he is not weird and doesn't make things unpleasant one-on-one, I remember the Godfather members saying he was always so friendly and easy to talk to. Still, it's sort of bizarre and ironic that SHE may have been the one to risk things and scare him off by being so candid, but I hope she feels better about it. I wonder what Jeff was really thinking.

So bottom line I think she likes him but is worrying about having fumbled things. And I think Jeff will decide eventually that she is not for him, unless she changes her mind first. She *has* followed him for a while, met three times, said she gets attached quickly...and doesn't seem to be deterred so far, so if they did start dating it wouldn't be surprising. She wants Jeff (unlike the prior sitch). But realistically, while I could see them possibly dating for a little bit... I can practically hear Jeff saying "it just didn't work out." I do kinda want to see him in a relationship tho. But I might take that back. 🤣🤣

I wrote a lot more than I expected!! I do think she's sweet and seems kindhearted so I hope she's doing well and the everything winds up working out for the best Xx

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monysmediareview · 4 years

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Shadowhunters (Freeform show) Review

Review #2!!

In case you missed it, I wrote a review on the Mortal Instruments book series books 1-3 (they’re the only ones I read because a chapter into book 4 and I was over it). I had mixed feelings on it, as I do with most things - including the Shadowhunters TV show, which is what this review is about!

Casting

Let’s talk about the casting in this show. First of all, I think the cast matched the physical descriptions of each character in the books and I very much enjoyed that. I do like when shows take liberties with casting, especially for the sake of things like diversity but there’s something very satisfying about seeing the characters exactly as they were written.

I don’t think all of the acting was fantastic, but it’s FreeForm so I really didn’t expect much. It did get a lot better as the series went on and I think the actors really found their footing with these characters. It’s one of the reasons that I love series so much more than movies for things like this because there’s growth and the chance to really explore characters as they exist. These characters really took on a life of their own in a way, but we’ll get into that as I go through the rest of my points here.

One thing I will say is, while this show did much better than others in terms of diversity it is not lost on me that the BIPOC characters in this show (and in the book series as well) were all “other” characters. As is often the case, people of color in fantasy media are usually portrayed as animals such as werewolves, or other “undesirable” characters. This is an incredibly complex part of casting, creating, and writing, and I will not get into it here, but I didn’t want to not mention it.

Gay Pride & True Love

If you read my review of the Mortal Instruments series then you already know that I love love love Alec and Magnus, but that love grew exponentially when I watched the show. Magnus was an interesting character in the books but Harry Shum Jr. really brought the character to life and that show especially in the scenes with Alec. The show also gives Alec a ton more depth than in the books and I love that they didn’t keep him hung up on Jace (a straight man) for most of the story. He fell for Magnus and he fell for him hard. Magnus is the one that broke through Alec’s shell and encouraged him to be himself. By cutting away all the petty teenager shit that was in the books we were able to see this real, complex, but honest and deep love story that rivaled the main love interests immensely. I would watch this show over and over just to watch these two again.

Representation and diversity are two huge factors when I think about whether or not I liked a piece of media. These kinds of things are what makes media so relatable, real, and ultimately enjoyable in a lot of ways. This show didn’t make the characters gay-ness a main factor of their relationship; they just showed a relationship as they would with a straight couple. They didn’t ignore their gay-ness either, though, and acknowledged the difficulties within that. By making this normal, they took huge strides in showing these kinds of relationships on TV and I adore that. And I just cannot get enough of this pairing in general - there are so many contrasts and compliments in their relationship and it’s what I honestly consider to be a perfect OTP relationship in any kind of romantic plot.

10/10 would watch the show just for Alec and Magnus.

I like Clary better in the show than in the books

Clary is by far, not one of my favorite characters in the fantasy genre. I find her to be selfish, martyr-like, and just kind of annoying but I really felt like the show was able to redeem the decent characteristics that she has and shed off most of the aggravating ones.

As a whole, I am not a fan of how stupid the books make Clary out to be. Clary falls into the category of characters I don’t like because there is ultimately nothing very special about them yet they end up with a guy who is completely out of their league in every way who is head over heels in love with them. It infuriates me so much and Clary is not an exception to this rule. Her character is still this way in the show but it is much less evident because she seems to be more of an active participant in her own life and I don’t have to sit through her endless internal monologues about how attractive or strong or whatever Jace is. Thoughts that she still has while she thinks they’re siblings. At least in the show, these characters seem to draw a strong boundary here when they think they’re related rather than making out in a field like they did in the books.

Clary also has a much stronger sense of self in the show and often reflects on what her life was and what it has become, how she’s grown. And I think that’s a huge part of it - that she has grown when in the books she was just constantly such a dumbstruck teenager who only thought of herself. I absolutely love the difference in her character here so I’ll give the show a star for that.

Her relationships with other characters is also so much stronger. I believe this is in part because we don’t know her every inner thought about them and we also aren’t distracted by her distraction that is Jace. Her relationship with Izzy is so much better and stronger. I’ll always give good reviews to strong female relationships! Even her friendship and relationship with Simon is more in depth in the show. Their book friendship is very baseline; they constantly say they’re best friends but that’s not really reflected in the way they act around each other. In the show they have anecdotes about the past we never see in the books, they talk in a comfortable way and even show their relationship with each other’s families a lot more. This plays into her being an active participant in her own life as well.

The Lightwood Family Drama

This might be something that happens later on in the books (however I don’t think so because of some spoilers I’ve received on my main account) but I really liked the Lightwood family subplot. I would imagine they have some marital problems after Max’s death in the books but considering they don’t kill him in the show, divorcing them earlier and giving Maryse a second chance was a fantastic choice. I kind of wish they had kept Max’s death because to me, it was the driving force between Izzy and Simon, but overall I don’t mind the way they did it. It just felt like a missed opportunity for drama and angst.

Back to the point at hand - families are complicated and the only “normal” or rather, nuclear family we see in this series is the Lightwoods. Clary was raised by a single parent, as was Simon, and no one else really has parents that we’re introduced to to be able to judge their family life. By making their family story a complicated one, rather than the “ideal”, it becomes not only more dramatic, which is fun and interesting, but real. And it may seem counterintuitive to make things seem real in a fantasy genre show/book series but that, in my opinion, is what makes it easier to believe the fake stuff. I can focus more on the magic and the demons and the end of the world as we know it if it’s grounded in something that’s familiar to me. The Lightwoods feel like a very real family with complicated relationships between kids and parents, adopted children/siblings, and marital issues that affect everyone differently, which invites us as an audience to relate to them and doesn’t make the Shadow world so different from ours.

A scene I loved specifically is when Izzy brings the doctor she’s seeing to the Hunter’s Moon and they’re all messing with each other, eating, drinking, laughing, talking. They really felt like a family there, like adult siblings which can be a really difficult feeling to capture but I think it was done very well. I didn’t want to go through this review without mentioning that part since it was something very special for me.

Design Choices

Changing topic just a little bit, I wanted to talk about the design of the show. First thing I noticed was that the runes were not at all how I pictured them. Now, that may be a fault of the writer because they weren’t very well described so it all landed on imagination which is different for everyone. The show design gave me kind of Henna tattoo vibes, whereas the books gave me full black ink vibes.

The clothing was also something very strange to me. Izzy was always described as wearing long silvery skirts. I very much imagined her as wearing borderline rave outfits in most of these scenes but she mostly just wore crop tops and low cut shirts. I also noticed that as the series went on she dressed in a bit more of a conservative way compared to the first half of season 1 when I recall her wearing literally just a sports bra as a shirt in a few scenes. It was apparent to me in the books that the way Shadowhunters dressed was something that separated them from humans, made them stand out, and the show lacked that. I think this also took away the idea that Shadowhunters are a whole race of people with a history and culture separate from being human (they are, in essence mixed raced, but this comes with a lot of implications and is not a complete statement or comparison in any way). My point with this is mostly that I wish there had been more of a separation visually between Shadowhunters and humans beyond their runes.

I also pictured the Institute to have a very non-human, Catholic type of design and instead just got pseudo-futuristic feel. I didn’t hate it, it just feels overdone in these kinds of shows and movies. For example, the Divergent series or Maze Runner or even Tomorrowland all have this type of vibe and I was hoping for more of a DmC: Devil May Cry approach.

Jace Wayland is a beautiful character

I had mixed feelings about Jace in the books; he felt stale and like every other straight, white, male, romantic lead. In the show, however, I think Dominic Sherwood did him a great deal of justice and gave him the depth that actually made him a desirable person that I could understand someone being in love with. He’s charming, and a little cocky but we also get to see a deeper side of him than we do in the books. We see his emotions, especially his unconditional love for Clary (whether I agree with that or not).

The Owl plotline was a waste of time in my opinion, but the scene when Izzy and Alec go to save him from inside his mind and we see him break down is absolutely beautiful. Jace is introduced to us from the start as hard, strong, calloused and here we see him vulnerable and scared with two of the people he trusts most in the world. I will accept the Owl plotline if only to keep this scene because I think it is absolutely essential to his character arc.

I also found that scene to be indicative of his relationship with Izzy. In the books it’s often alluded to that he and Izzy had been together in one way or another but that’s not the case for the show (thank the angel) and here you can really see them as siblings more than in any ther scene, I think. But this takes me to his relationship with Alec as well.

Parabatai

I don’t remember Parabatai being mentioned much in the books but it is a huge deal and talked about quite a bit. I this this is super cool, personally and it’s not something I can really think of too much in fantasy outside of sires or singers or the like in many vampire novels but that has a whole “owner” vibe that doesn’t exist with Parabatai. I am super intrigued by this idea and I loved how much they played with it being a strength and an essential part of their existence.

The relationship between Alec and Jace is obviously stronger than just brothers, but it also isn’t quite love in the romantic sense. It’s something else and it makes them vulnerable to each other. They feel everything the other person feels, sometimes literally, and while that can weaken them they use it as a strength. It’s really beautiful how honest and open these men are with each other. I feel like the Parabatai bond breaks down a lot of the toxic masculinity traits these characters might have otherwise and I will always be in favor of tearing down those walls. A+ characterization if you ask me.

I thought Izzy deserved better in the books - the show gave it to her

In the show Izzy is way more badass than in the books, which I wasn’t sure was possible. They made her so much smarter, gave her important roles at the institute like head of weapons and she even did autopsies? In the last episodes we even see her as Head of the Institute. Beauty, brains, and brawn simply can’t be beat.

Her love life was even more interesting! She wasn’t boiled down to just a slut who slept with everyone regardless of species: she was a lover who fell quickly and saw the best in people despite what people might tell her about “their kind”. She’s strong and very sure of herself; she doesn’t need a man in her life but she wants love and I think that’s a really amazing trait they gave her that deepens the character.

They made her an activist, too in a way. She’s found really standing up for her beliefs in the show and challenging the way things are. In the books Izzy is pretty stuck in the way Shadowhunters do things but in the show she speaks up when something isn’t right. Her connections to downworlders does a lot of really great things for the Shadow world as a whole. They certainly could have beefed this up a little bit, but it wasn’t a huge part of the show in general so I’ll allow the pass on it.

Her Yin-Fen addiction was so interesting! Again, I don’t know if this is something that happened in later books in the series but this is just another layer to Isabelle that I really loved. No one is perfect, even her, and it built her relationship with Rafael (another plot I was a huge fan of) which was incredibly complex.

All in all, I would die for Izzy. Please give me shows and books about her and more characters like her.

This series was steamy as hell

I can’t write a review on this series without mentioning all of the steamy scenes with so many of the characters. I mean, of course, I expected as much with Jace and he got a lot but so did everyone else. We got saucy scenes with Alec, Magnus, Simon, Izzy, Maia, everyone. (Not all at the same time, thankfully). But they were all very well directed and acted and I enjoyed them quite a bit. What can I say? Sex sells.

In conclusion, I liked this series a lot. I really was not expecting to. I was warned that it was bad, and to start off it was but I found myself unexpectedly enjoying a lot of it. There’s still work to be done and it is by no means perfect but it was entertaining and had some really good moments. I also give so much credit to the actors and creative team for doing so much with material that didn’t give them much depth in the first place.

Would recommend for something to enjoy but maybe not think too hard about.

xoxo

Mony

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trishyeves · 4 years

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Episode 4-Ranma and...Ranma? If It’s Not One Thing, It’s Another

Oh boy, we are back into the Ranma Rewatch and this time it’s the fourth episode, titled “Ranma and...Ranma? If It’s Not One Thing, It’s Another”. That is definitely the kind of title I remember more from this show: incredibly long and silly. I love it in any series where the titles are like half-formed sentences. As for what I’m expecting in this episode...I honestly don’t really remember. We’re already reaching the edges of my memory, so I look forward to seeing it with fresh eyes.

Yeah, I had pretty much forgotten about most of the stuff that happened in this episode, but that’s not necessarily a bad thing. The episode starts with Ranma having a bad dream about Kuno professing his love and asking him out. After waking up in a cold sweat, Ranma takes a bath and shenanigans happen.

There’s some cute banter between Ranma and Akane on the way to school, then a threepeat of the fight against all the guys trying to ask her out. Kuno makes an appearance at the end again, but this time he’d taken out in one combined hit from both Ranma and Akane. He’s tended to in the nurse’s office afterwards by Nabiki, who finds out from his sleep talking that he’s fallen in love with ‘the pigtailed girl’ in addition to Akane, and feels conflicted over who he should choose.

Seeing an opportunity, Nabiki abuses the fact that apparently Ranma is a heavy sleeper to activate his curse as he sleeps, takes a bunch of sexy pics, then turns him back, all without him ever waking up. Not too long later, she gets a surprise message from Kuno, asking to meet up.

He treats her to a meal, asking her the favor of delivering a cute doll he got as a present to its recipient: the pigtailed girl. Before addressing that idea, Nabiki tempts him with the sexy pictures of his new waifu, only letting him even see them if Kuno treats her to spaghetti. I thought that might be a dub change, but it’s not, either language they still go out for Italian pasta. She sells them to him for 1000 yen a pop, then asks if he’s giving up on Akane then. He clarifies that he intends to pursue them both, so Nabiki reveals there are Akane pictures available too. In exchange for free ice cream, and the same price per picture, she sells him those too.

Only with that done does she tell him how to get his present to the pigtailed girl: Ranma is the only way. She doesn’t explain why, but Kuno doesn’t dig too deeply into it. She couriers a letter to the titular protagonist, asking for a meet up, which Ranma goes to. Once it becomes clear exactly what Kuno is asking for, Ranma rebuffs him, saying he’ll never see his precious pigtailed girl ever again.

This threat becomes somewhat toothless when someone randomly dumping water out of their window activates Ranma’s curse, and Kuno quickly embraces the object of his affections. This hug becomes a little awkward when Nabiki appears and douses Ranma with hot water, and Kuno realizes who he is ‘now’ hugging. You might think this would mean he has some understanding of what’s going on, but Kuno’s immediate thought is that Ranma knows some vile sorcery.

When Nabiki realizes how dense Kuno really is, she decides to phrase it to him as Ranma ‘owning the pigtailed girl’s body and soul’, which is not technically a lie. That said, of course Kuno interprets that as meaning that somehow Ranma has the warrior woman he loves enslaved to him in some way, so a fight breaks out.

When Ranma sees the photos Kuno has on him, it distracts him enough to take a hit to the torso, just as Akane arrives. Just as Kuno starts getting serious, the air pressure from his piercing attacks alone strong enough to crack a statue apart, Ranma counteracts and wins, though it becomes clear his injury hurts like hell, even if he’s trying to ignore it.

And that’s it, no cliffhangers this time around. Now that Kuno’s love for Ranma’s alter ego has been established, the actual meat of what that means, namely how he sees them as two separate people and chases one while attacking the other, is what this episode works to make clear. It also sets up his and Nabiki’s dynamic more, but that’ll be something I talk about more in just a little bit.

There are two kind-of bigger things I want to pull out of this episode. First one being the dream sequence at the start. Now, I am fairly sure that whole bit is meant to be there for comedy, in a very ‘gay panic’ kind of way. Which honestly...does not play super well these days. Ranma’s terror at the dream, on a surface reading, has to do with him being super grossed out that some dude is in love with him.

Of course, there are other ways to read the scene as well. I’m sure some people might instead look at it as being less a nightmare and more like Ranma running away from his own possible attraction to another guy, and while that’s definitely possible, I didn’t really get that vibe at all. That said, if you did, rock on.

What I saw as more likely was a gender-based reading. Ranma is, more than anything else, freaked out by Kuno’s love declaration because it’s someone seeing him as something he’s not, a woman. Kuno isn’t interested in Ranma, he’s interested in a woman who doesn’t exist. Ranma has a lot of complicated feelings tied up in his masculinity, which his curse doesn’t exactly help with, and Kuno’s attraction to his cursed form just makes it all worse.

Speaking of attraction, let’s talk about Kuno. The fact that everyone calls his affections for two people at the same time ‘two timing’ is a bit vexing to me. As someone who has been in polyamorous relationships before, I can attest to the fact that liking more than one person at a time is totally okay, and if everyone involved is okay with it, dating multiple people is also okay.

That is kind of the problem though. Neither Akane or Ranma like Kuno, and neither is likely to want to date him, regardless of if he’s dating someone else at the time. Their problem with Kuno isn’t his dual attraction, it’s that they just plain don’t care for the guy. (And Ranma probably doesn’t swing that way, but he could be repressing it so what the hell do I know.) Even with that in mind, I still kind of roll my eyes at how Kuno ‘liking two girls’ is treated as a perversion. That just kinda sucks.

Last thing before the character spotlight I can think of is that I really liked the fight in this episode, the action was pretty good. ... Listen, I know that’s not exactly expert analysis, but it’s what I got.

I feel like covering Nabiki now is pretty much a no brainer. Of all the side characters introduced so far, she’s easily gotten the most shading, and this episode in particular develops her further for the audience. In terms of voice acting, she’s played in English by Angel Costain and in Japanese by Minami Takayama. Angela isn’t known for much else, which is quite a shame, because she’s pretty fantastic, in my personal opinion. Minami, on the other hand, has a pretty huge resume, and along with the voice actors for Akane, Ranma’s cursed form, Kasumi, and a character we haven’t met yet, was in a pop group called DoCo.

In terms of acting, they both play her fairly similarly. A normal girl at first glance, but with quite the amount of dry wit and sarcasm lying beneath that surface. The main difference I’ve seen so far is that Angela seems to have more mirth to her performance, while Minami’s is a bit more deadpan. Both are good, though I definitely prefer the english performance so far.

But what is Nabiki actually like? Well, of the three Tendo siblings, Nabiki hides who she is more than the others. For the first few episodes, she comes across as a fairly unassuming character, most known for her occasional snark. But this episode is where we get to see her primary character trait: greed. Nabiki is quite happy to take advantage of Ranma’s curse to make money, though how far she’s willing to go for the yen hasn’t really been made clear.

It is worth noting that, while her pictures of Ranma were very sexy and revealing, her pictures of Akane were just of her working out and stuff, far less of an invasion of her sister’s privacy. Does she have better respect for family than the freeloaders who live with them? That’s to be seen.

Another big character trait we’ve gotten so far is her...friendship? Sure, let’s go with that, her friendship with Kuno. Always happy to try and pop his inflated ego with her sharp wit, they have a good comedy routine going. At the same time, she does seem to legitimately be there for him, since she was taking care of him after he got knocked out. They get shipped a lot, which I definitely see the appeal of, but part of me just kind of likes the idea that they’ve just known each other for a long time, and they just kind of have a thing going. Not that any kind of friendship they may have is coming close to stopping her from bilking him from as much money and free food as she can. Of course, Kuno is quite rich, so he can afford it.

Some people have described Nabiki as a villain, but I wouldn’t really agree with that. What she is, is someone happy to create conflict. She’s a fun addition to the cast, and I can’t think of any time in my previous watch-throughs where I got tired of her being there. (Which is not something I can say about every character in this series.)

Now it’s time to rank the episodes once again. Of the four episodes so far, I can immediately say this one is in the top half. I enjoyed Nabiki’s antics and the marital arts quite a bit, but I don’t think it’s quite as strong as the second episode. So far, that means the rankings are:

Episode 2: School is No Place for Horsing Around

Episode 4: Ranma and...Ranma? If It’s Not One Thing, It’s Another

Episode 1: Here’s Ranma

Episode 3: A Sudden Storm of Love

Will next week’s episode be just as entertaining? Well, I don’t know, but from what I remember about episode 5, “Love Me to the Bone! The Compound Fracture of Akane's Heart”, I don’t think that will be the case. See you then!

#episode 4 #Ranma and...Ranma? If It’s Not One Thing It’s Another #ranma 1/2 #ranma saotome #akane tendo #nabiki tendo #tatewaki kuno #anime analysis #anime rewatch

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brie-haus · 4 years

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Champagne Problems

I am about to get as real as I have possibly ever gotten on social media. This is deeply emotional, deep stuff. If cheery, happy posts are your thing, you may want to skip this one.

My entire life I have been a deeply emotional person. For most of my life I have tried my damnedest to hide the emotions. “Conceal, don’t feel, don’t let them know,” was the anthem of my life years before I was dreamed by Menzel. I feel deeply and words cut me down like a knife.

I was hurt very badly by children when I was younger and transferred to public school for the first time. I was the “weird, quiet girl from the Christian school” and I never stopped being an outsider. I searched my entire school career for a nice group of friends. I did have a friend group for a few years and that turned very, very sour. I never stopped trying. But something inside of me always feared getting hurt, knew deep down I was less than, and was not liked. That’s not to say I wasn’t friendly. I was friendly with the majority of the people I went to school with, but I never found one of those lasting friendships you see in the movies.

Some of those friendships fell apart for simple reasons. Someone transfers, someone changes interests. And some of them were because I seemed to have a knack for saying or doing the wrong thing. In therapy I learned this was a defense mechanism. When I thought someone was going to hurt me, I did the hurting first. It’s so messed up, but that is me.

I cannot describe to you how lonely my adult life has been only having casual friendships. Going through illness, turmoil at work, marital issues, family disputes, everything all normal people experience and your only close friend being your husband. I love my husband dearly and I truly cannot imagine doing life with (or even living with!) anyone but him. He is exactly what I need in so many ways but your spouse cannot also be your best and only friend. There are some things you just need to bounce off of exterior people. I don’t think I will ever truly have what I see other people have. A circle of girlfriends they trust and love dearly.

So why bring this up now? Well, I have been asked why I made the decision to “remove” certain people from my life that I was close to and why I “unfollowed” old friends from social media. I feel like the best way to truly answer these questions, is to explain my history.

Anyone who has known me for more than ~4 years knows that I went through a several years long spell where depression ruled my life. I cried multiple times every single day. I took depression naps every day, sometimes multiple times a day. The depression and anxiety not only controlled many facets of my life but it also caused me physical pain. Beyond that, the depression medication and alcohol packed on pounds. I put on over 60 lbs in less than two months’ time. I sought out and stuck with therapy for the first time in my entire life. I was able to right my ship. I no longer take any depression medication at all. But it wasn’t just talking out my problems that helped me come out the other side. It was a total lifestyle change.

Any good therapist will identify your triggers and help you control them. PTSD, Anxiety, Depression. Things that will never be in the rearview for me but that I control every single day. Part of it involves taking a serious look at the people that you choose to surround yourself with. Certain people in my life were constantly causing turmoil, constantly setting a tone of depression and whining and that often left me in that same headspace. There were triggers on social media. Slowly, over time, with the help of lots of research, I learned that social media sites like Instagram or Facebook where people sugarcoat their life and only post the best of the best can be used to cultivate envy greener than a four leaf clover or it could be rebuilt as a tool to help me in my journey. I unfollowed people who caused me pain, to make me feel like I wasn’t enough, like I was doing things wrong and I followed accounts that posted fitness motivation, healthy meals, home décor and tidying techniques, beautiful landscape art, and accounts that I align with in terms of social justice education.

It has changed my entire life. You truly are what you eat. If you ingest negativity, toxic people, drama, people that make you feel like you aren’t enough, that is what YOU become and believe you are. You have the power to flip the script. Eleanor Roosevelt said “no one can make you feel inferior without your consent.” So stop giving people that aren’t worth it an access pass to eff up your psyche.

For me this goes beyond unfollowing things that are obviously negative. Things I also take into perspective: does this person add more to my feed/life than they take away? If someone posts things that you overall do not identify with, and frequently raises your blood pressure then you need to make sure that you are getting a heck of a lot out of their other posts. If not, you just unfollow or hide or whatever the case may be and you move on. This isn’t canceling someone. You can still see someone in real life and decide their social media content is not for you. You decide what fits into your daily headspace, and bloodlines or long standing friendships shouldn’t overrule your inner peace.

For years I thought there was something wrong with me because of my empathy. I watch a movie or a news report, cry like a baby when people die. I follow people on social media and though am not deeply close to them, am extremely moved by cancer diagnoses, critical illness, etc. I am effected deeply by issues like BLM and LGBTQ rights and feel so insanely helpless that I cannot help more than I can but also so deeply guilty on a personal and “on behalf of a larger group” level that sometimes it is a physical pain that I feel. Deaths of certain celebrities that I have never met bring me to tears. I thought for so long it was a flaw to be so deeply emotional. But being so empathetic is what helps me relate to people, to grow and see other sides of issues that I was raised oblivious to. I no longer see this trait in such a negative light.

But the other side of being deeply emotional is that you feel ALL emotions deeply. Disappointment. Anger. Frustration. Hope. Darkness. Sadness. You have to guard yourself more, because no one else is going to look out for you, to fight for you. No one else is going to understand the way that words tear you down and replay in your head for hours after they’ve been said like a highlights reel.

So I’ve gone around the world to say that life is complicated. Every person is fighting a battle that you don’t know about. There is almost always a reason people are private and protective of themselves. I do not expect anyone to understand, to relate, but I had to get this out onto paper.

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ranma-rewatch · 4 years

Text

Episode 4-Ranma and...Ranma? If It’s Not One Thing, It’s Another

Episode 2: School is No Place for Horsing Around Episode 4: Ranma and...Ranma? If It’s Not One Thing, It’s Another Episode 1: Here’s Ranma Episode 3: A Sudden Storm of Love

#episode 4 #Ranma and...Ranma? If It’s Not One Thing It’s Another #ranma 1/2 #ranma saotome #akane tendo #nabiki tendo #tatewaki kuno #anime analysis #anime rewatch

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mrsmunsons · 4 years

Note

☕ Brooke Davis was the worst; do not change my mind but only reinforce my opinion

Okay. You asked for it.

Used Peyton’s artwork for her clothing line without even asking first.

Snooped through Nathan’s dresser and found the care package Haley had given him ahead of a big test she was helping him study for—then announced to an entire room of people that there was a private note that went with it. As if that wasn’t bad enough, she implied that Haley was trading her tutoring for sexual favors, and made it seem like Nathan had passed the note around himself (he didn’t even know that there was one!).

Tried to manipulate Peyton and Nathan both into taking each other back, so she could get Peyton “out of her way” and freely pursue Lucas.

Encouraged Haley to be the complete opposite of herself, implying that was the only way she could win back Nathan’s heart.

Joked about Peyton’s moms, three times. “Your I love yous send people to their grave.” / “I guess your mom slept around even more than you do.” / “Have I mentioned that if you love me, you’re probably going to die soon? See mothers one and two.”

Wrongly implied that Peyton and Lucas were having a sexual relationship during the aftermath of Peyton’s S4 attack, saying that she was “screwing [her] leftovers.” Complete with symbolic styrofoam container.

Pursued Lucas even after she knew that Peyton was interested in him first.

Called Haley a “selfish baby haver!” during her own pregnancy that happened to coincide with Brooke and Julian deciding to adopt a child of their own.

After Haley’s mom passed, Brooke asks how she’s doing... only to start openly crying when Haley mentions kids because she can’t have any.

Threatened to punch Haley’s unborn baby (“unless you want your unborn baby to be born with a dent in its head the size of my fist!”) after demanding that Haley attend a bridal expo for emotional support.

When Nathan was missing, Brooke did not ask about him or how Haley was doing until a few episodes had already passed, despite frequently coming over to talk about her own problems.

She dismissed the role that Haley and Peyton played in the starting of her clothing line. She attributed ALL of her success to her mother, which is valid, but Haley was the one to remind her that she and Peyton were both there when it started because, according to Brooke, they didn’t “know anything about it.”

With Rachel’s help, she stole the answers to the calculus test, only speaking up after Haley had long been fired from her job at the tutor center for it.

She lied to Lucas about being pregnant (after receiving confirmation that she wasn’t) because she was angry over what happened between her, him, and Peyton.

Lied to Chase and pretended to be someone she wasn’t, to gain his interest.

She took an old photo of an overweight Rachel and had them made into posters, which she then plastered all over the town.

Offered to make Haley’s wedding gown... only to bitch her out when she was honest about wanting something closer to the picture she had given Brooke for inspiration.

Had sex with Felix in Nathan and Haley’s marital bed.

Did not remember the five year anniversary of Peyton’s mother’s death—instead, she acted confused as to why she was in “such a bad mood” all week.

She pushed Lucas into “non exclusive dating,” then got mad that he didn’t understand he was supposed to “fight” for her... after she kept encouraging him to date around.

Told Peyton that she gave Lucas to her and could take him back whenever she wanted.

Twice announced to the entire school that Haley was pregnant—once when it was just a rumor, and then when she was actually pregnant.

Made fun of Millicent for being a virgin her twenties, exclaiming that “it’s like finding a Bigfoot or a unicorn or something!”

Constantly spoke of Haley in derisive terms. “Tutor Girl” was often used condescendingly; she made fun of Haley’s hair multiple times; and was dismissive of Haley’s bond with Peyton, implying that their friendship wouldn’t last beyond one evening.

She said that starting a family through adoption isn’t the same as getting pregnant and giving birth.

Made the unwise decision to climb up onto a chair whilst wearing high heels. Late in her pregnancy with miracle twins.

Often referred to other women as whores and bitches—sometimes for doing some of the same things that she had done herself (Rachel hid naked in Lucas’ backseat and was suddenly a “skank.” Brooke had done the very same thing in S1, before they even knew each other’s names).

Ignored Karen’s house rules and snuck out to drink and party, after Karen was kind enough to allow her to move in so she could stay in town.

When testifying against the man who brutally assaulted her, and murdered a student of Haley’s, she let slip that she still lived in the same town and had two babies at home.

#markcampbells #trai!#answers #about me #☕️#ill put in a read more tomorrow 🙄

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paralleljulieverse · 5 years

Photo

Following our recent posts marking the 60th anniversary of the wedding of Julie Andrews and Tony Walton, here we shine a brief spotlight on how the newlyweds were covered by the media in the early years of their marriage. Their May 1959 wedding was a definite high-water mark of media exposure for Julie and Tony but public interest didn’t end once they’d walked down the aisle. Newspapers and magazines continued to feature regular stories and photos about the ‘happy couple’, detailing what they were up to and how they were adapting to life as husband-and-wife.

Much of the coverage presented the newlyweds as a quintessentially modern couple who were combining the twin demands of dual careers with companionate marriage. A multi-page profile in the January 1960 issue of British women’s magazine, Housewife serves a good case-in-point. Essentially a ‘celebrities at home’ pictorial, the article marshals the couple’s “delightful new home––a large flat overlooking Eaton Square––to which they went when they were married eight months ago” as a symbolic expression of the blended amalgamations of marital domesticity (Antony: 38).

The “Andrews-Walton flat is a combination of their two careers,” the article chirps, “Julie’s piano has a prominent place and one room is made into Tony’s studio” (Antony: 40). Elsewhere it describes a cosy everyday scenario of domestic give-and-take as “Julie spends hours practising her singing” with Tony acting as one of her “sternest musical critics,” while Julie in turn “gets a thrill out of Tony’s work for the theatre [and] enjoys posing for his costume designs” (38-39). The image painted here is a transactional blend of conventional married home-life with newer forms of egalitarian coupledom: “two young people––both so young and in love––embarking on a duet” in “their lovely new home...a good basis for security in their marriage” (40-41).

Other profiles were considerably less blithesome. A recurrent refrain in a lot of the media coverage of Julie and Tony’s marriage was the perceived challenges faced by a couple in which, as one early newspaper report put it, “the wife’s name has embarrassingly eclipsed the husband’s” (Wilson: 10). In an era still tethered to orthodox notions of male breadwinners and female homemakers, a union in which the wife assumed greater professional and financial prowess than the husband was sufficiently novel to evoke both curiosity and, at times, unease.

In the newspaper profile just mentioned, Cecil Wilson (1959) strikes a note of thinly-veiled anxiety when discussing what he apprehends as a gendered dilemma in the couple’s marriage. Titled “How Not to Be Known as Mr Julie Andrews”, the article asserts a very traditional view of marriage in terms of masculine dominance and feminine support. “No man could have done more in less time” than Tony Walton, it proclaims, “to rise above the reflected glory of being ‘Julie Andrews’s husband’ or, worse still, the ignominious label of ‘Mr. Julie Andrews’” (10). “Since his childhood sweetheart from Walton-on-Thames consolidated her...stardom in My Fair Lady, he has firmly established the name of Tony Walton by designing four West End shows...[and n]ow, to give Julie Andrews further pride in being known as Tony Walton’s wife, he has gone into management” as a theatre producer (ibid.).*

It is a testament to Julie and Tony’s fortitude and well-grounded emotional security that, for the most part, they deflected such concerns as immaterial. Responding to a reporter’s question about how her status as “one of the country’s wealthiest young actresses” impacted her new married lifestyle, Julie demurred: “I don’t know how much I’m worth...We haven’t a car, although I hold a licence. But Tony holds the important licence, the marriage one” (Hickey: 3). Later, on the eve of her departure for New York to start rehearsals for Camelot, Julie mused further on the ambivalent demands of career and marriage: “Of course it’s nice to get back to work. I love the stage. But what I really like and what I want to do is to settle down and be plain Mrs. Walton” (Tanfield: 12).

For his part, Tony Walton struck a particularly mature and, for the time, progressive attitude to the unorthodox dynamics of his and Julie’s marriage. When asked in a 1959 interview if he experienced “professional jealousy” of Julie, he replied with categorical pragmatism: “Not a bit. After all, Julie has one career and I have another. But I still wouldn’t rank my fame with hers” (Wilson: 10). It was a consistently balanced approach he maintained––at least publicly––right throughout the marriage, even after Julie had graduated to the exponentially increased fame and fortune of film stardom. “[T]he embarrassments people see for me are easily coped with because they’re so absurd,” he remarked in a 1966 article, “I’d be stupid if I let them affect me” (Leslie: 8). If there is any problem, he ventured in an admirably democratic take on modern marriage, it is

“who at any one time is going to be the support. I don’t mean financial but emotional––which is the basis on which the whole marriage is built. When Julie and I were both in the theatre, and she was rehearsing at something and I was working at something else, the pressure times would swing back and forth between us. And at times I’d find myself taking on an almost feminine role, trying to calm, soothe, protect or whatever. And then as soon as I was deeply involved and under pressure then the roles would be reversed. I think if I were an over-dominant kind of male I’d find this situation harder to cope with. But neither of us is over-poweringly masculine or over-poweringly feminine” (ibid.)

That the marriage of Julie Andrews and Tony Walton ultimately didn’t last is a matter of historical record. Following extended periods of separation, the two officially filed for divorce in November 1967, eight and a half years after they were wed (”Julie Andrews Suing”: I-23). But the pair have, by all accounts, maintained a strong and enduring friendship, even after both of them found and subsequently married new partners (Robins: D-6). In fact, Julie is fond of recounting how Tony and his second wife, Gen LeRoy-Walton, affectionately refer to her as “our ex” (Andrews: 323). “They’re best friends and they gang up against me,” explains Tony Walton of the relationship between his former and current partners (McDonnell: 3D). As Julie observed in a 2001 interview: “[T]he divorce was extremely sobering but I've known [Tony] since I was 13 and he was 12, and you cannot undo that knowledge” (Birch: 16).

Notes:

* This kind of angst-ridden discourse about the perceived gendered power imbalance of the Andrews-Walton marriage intensified once Julie made the move to Hollywood and the even greater success of global film stardom. “When a wife starts earning much more money than her husband,” wrote one especially egregious example, “the marriage is not long for the lasting” (Shearer: 15). Such sensationalist commentary was evident even in international reports.”Julie Andrews and her prince-consort” was how one French-language article billed the marriage (Von Cottom: 22).

Sources:

Andrews, Julie. Home: A Memoir of My Early Years. London: Weidenfeld & Nicolson, 2008.

Antony, Jonquil. “Theatrical Duet in Eaton Square.” House Wife. March 1960: 38-41.

Birch, Helen. “Truly Andrews.” Daily Telegraph. 7 December 2001: 15-16.

Hickey, William. “For Julie it’s the Beginning.” Daily Express. 8 August 1959: 3.

Jordan, Ruth. “No Fashion Fuss for Julie.” Woman’s Journal. December, 1959: 26-27, 134.

“Julie Andrews Suing Designer for Divorce.” Los Angeles Times. 15 November 1967: I-23.

Leslie, Ann. “Beating the Hysteria: ‘Mr. Julie Andrews’.” Daily Express. 19 April 1966: 8.

McDonnell, Brandy. “Tony Time.” The Oklahoman / Sunday Life. 27 May 2018: D1-D3.

Robins, Cynthia. “When Art and Love Meld Successfully.” San Francisco Examiner. 6 September 1992: D-6.

Shearer, Lloyd. “When a Wife Earns More than a Husband.” Parade. 9 July 1967: 14-15.

Tanfield, Paul. “My Year of Bliss...by Julie Andrews.” Daily Mail. 18 August 1960: 12.

Von Cottom, Joseph. “Julie Andrews et son prince-consort: le pitoyable drame des maris de vedettes.” Ciné-Télé-Revue. 4 August 1966: 22-23.

Wilson, Cecil. “How Not to Be Known as Mr Julie Andrews.” Daily Mail. 24 September 1959: 10.

Photographs by John Dixon, George Konig, and anon.

#julie andrews #tony walton #my fair lady #celebrity #stardom #musical theatre #old hollywood #marriage #london #eaton square #belgravia

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sophiagrave-ffxiv · 6 years

Text

Looking for RP

---Sophia Grave---

The Basics –––

Age: 32

Birthday: 1st Sun, 6th Umbral Moon

Apparent Race: Midlander Hyur

Race: Garlean Hyur

Gender: Female

Sexuality: Heterosexual

Marital Status: Single

Server: Balmung

Physical Appearance –––

Hair: Near-platinum Blonde

Eyes: Blue

Height: 5′8″ / 174cm

Build: Lithe, athletic

Distinguishing Marks: Beauty mark under right side of lip.

Common Accessories: Light jewelry, Occasionally glasses

Personal –––

Public Profession: Independant Agent

Profession: Imperial Spy

Hobbies: Reading, Exercise, Practice, Singing, Piano

Languages: Common Tongue

Residences: Apartment above Sapphire Avenue Exchange in Ul’dah, Kobai Goten Apartment in Kugane, Family Estate in Garlemald

Birthplace: Garlemald

Religion: Alatrism

Fears: gods/eikons, being wrong, helplessness, dementia due to age, slow loss of skill, knowledge, or function

Relationships –––

Spouse: None.

Children: None.

Parents: Father: Sebastos sas Gravitas, retired Tribunis Angusticlavius // Mother, deceased

Siblings: Brother: Sebastian Grave, Smuggler, wastrel

Other Relatives: None of consequence (currently)

Pets: None.

Traits –––

((Be aware: as an undercover spy, Sophia’s personality and traits are extremely mutable and easily masked))

Extroverted / In Between / Introverted

Disorganized / In Between / Organized

Close Minded / In Between / Open Minded

Calm / In Between / Anxious

Disagreeable / In Between / Agreeable

Cautious / In Between / Reckless

Patient / In Between / Impatient

Outspoken / In Between / Reserved

Leader / In Between / Follower

Empathetic / In Between / Apathetic

Optimistic / In Between / Pessimistic

Traditional / In Between / Modern

Hard-working / In Between / Lazy

Cultured / In Between / Uncultured

Loyal / In Between / Disloyal

Faithful / In Between / Unfaithful

Additional information –––

Smoking Habit: No Drugs: No Alcohol: No

RP Hooks –––

Your character is an Imperial. Sophia might know anyone who grew up around the time she did in Garlemald to some degree. Sophia's family name is known to anyone with a knowledge of the Empire's history, and most of her exploits are a matter of record available to those holding high enough positions to view such things. She is also known in the frumentari community.

Your character is a criminal. Criminality and spycraft go hand in hand. Sophia regularly employs, clashes with, or otherwise interacts with the criminal underground, especially those in Ul'dah.

Your character is connected in Ul'dah. Sophia works primarily out of Ul'dah and on paper, is employed as an independent agent for hire. She holds a small reputation, but is known to be a professional who solves delicate problems unsuited for brutish mercenaries.

You need a villain. Sophia is my main OC, however she is more often than not played in an antagonist to other player’s OCs.

---More Information---

What I Am Looking For –––

Long Term RP partners: Long term relationships are tough, especially when you play the antagonist! What I’m looking for most are players who are interested in fostering long term stories, whether it be rivalries or friendships. If Sophia can be of use in your OC’s story, let’s talk. If you think your OC fits in Sophia’s, let’s talk.

Pre-existing Relationships: Starting every relationship fresh can be exhausting. If your OC fits in Sophia’s backstory, let’s talk.

Discord RP: I started RP on forums and have spent MANY hours in that medium. I’m completely comfortable with text/picture only via discord if that’s something you’re open to. Of course, I’m perfectly fine using the game as a medium too!

Garleans, Empire-affiliated or not: I’d love for Sophia to have more contacts and perhaps even a support structure outside of the Empire. But there’s still good RP to be had even if your Garlean isn’t affiliated with the Empire.

What I Am NOT Looking For –––

eRP: There are exceptions, and those people already know who they are.

Being a punching bag for your OC: Sophia does not have less value as a character because she is typically an antagonist. I believe in crafting interesting, fun stories for everyone involved, and that requires a healthy amount of give and take.

About Me & my RP style –––

Hi, I’m Soph, I like rp. For RP and/or writing samples, check out my Tumblr to see if you think we’d click, creatively.

I bartend for a living, which means my play time is sporadic at best.

I want to hear your ideas. Literally. All of them. Seriously. Feel free to word vomit to me about how cool x, y, and z would be, unsolicited or not. Tell me what you want for your OC in the long term. Tell me about your dream plot. Let’s make things happen.

I tend to fall on the heavy side of RP intensity. I’m flexible when it comes to lore, and I enjoy serious plots moreso than light-hearted, just-for-fun stories.

Availability/Contact Information –––

Discord: Soph #3410

Balmung Server

Timezone: EST, typically morning/day OR late evening.

Tumblr DM: Obviously :V

Full Character Wiki: https://wiki.ffxiv-roleplayers.com/pages/Sophia_Grave

#lf rp #lf rp contacts #ffxiv rp #balmung #sophia grave #garlean

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timehealsfanfictionbka · 5 years

Text

Time Heals.....Chapter Twenty-Six

Robyn stretched with a groan before she opened her eyes to be utterly confused. She sat up as her eyes roamed the room she was in. Gripping the sheets and noticing their silk texture, she frowned, “this isn’t my bed.”

She flipped the cover off her body and swung her feet over the edge of the bed. Settling her feet on the ground, she felt carpet instead of hardwood, “this is definitely not my room.”

She felt for a light and touched an end table. Running her hands up what seemed like a lamp, she felt for a light switch and twisted it on. Illuminating the room, she felt relief flow over her body as she recognized the photo sitting on the end table next to the lamp. She was at Chris’s house. She didn’t mean to fall asleep after the movie but she just felt oddly tired. Why didn’t he just take her home though? Now it’s gonna be late when she drives home.

Chris felt the tingle go up his spine and paused his music to listen for any unfamiliar noise. Hearing footsteps, he figured that Robyn had finally decided to wake up. It had been hours since they left the movie theater. She slept through a stop at the supermarket, him carrying her up the stairs and everything. Her timing was great because he had just finished cooking dinner and set it in the oven. Figuring it was better to meet her at the stairs than have her wandering around looking for him, he left the kitchen and went towards his living room. He had just stopped at the staircase as her foot hit the last step.

“Hey.”

She smiled, “Hey.”

“You sleep ok?”

“Yea. Nice bed.”

“Thanks. I was gonna give you a few more minutes before I woke you up to eat.”

“I appreciate that. Sorry about falling asleep on you.”

“It’s fine. You were tired. We need to talk about that by the way.”

“And why would we need to talk about my tiredness?”

“Because you aren’t sleeping well apparently.”

“Or maybe I just needed a nap. I had been up early this morning, Mr. Brown.”

“Uh huh.”

“Chris, I have no reason to lie to you. My sleep patterns are fine, I promise.”

“Ok. Well, your request awaits you.”

Chris took Robyn’s hand and started walking back to the kitchen.

“I thought you didn’t have any steak to cook.”

“I stopped at the supermarket. You’ve been asleep for a long time.”

“What time is it?”

“After 8.”

“Damn, it’s gonna be super dark when I drive home.”

“You can stay and leave in the morning unless you have something else to do.”

“I don’t know if us staying under the same roof would be a good idea.”

“We did fine at our last sleepover besides you can have the room I’m in and-”

“I do not want to sleep in your marital bed and the last few hours doesn’t count because I didn’t know.”

“You didn’t sleep in my marital bed for the last few hours either. That was a guest room.”

“So why is all your stuff in it?”

“Because I’m sleeping in a guest room. I haven’t cleaned out my bedroom yet.”

“Oh, then where are you gonna sleep?”

“I have another guest room down here. We won’t even be on the same floor, it’ll be fine.”

“I don’t know, Chris.”

“Look, I’ll feel a lot better if you wait until the morning to leave. It’ll keep me from having to worry about you unless I drive you home and send for your car in the morning.”

“That’s too much. I guess I’ll stay the night.”

“Good. What you want to drink?”

“Juice. It’s a little late for a beer.”

“Says who? You work tomorrow?”

“No, no overtime for me.”

“Then have a beer. You can sleep late, the owner of the house won’t care.”

Robyn giggled, “you’re silly. Corona with lemon then”

“You got it. You can have a seat, I’ll bring your plate to you.”

“Chris, you don’t-”

“Let me, ok?”

“Ok.”

Robyn watched as Chris moved around the kitchen and it just reminded her of the first time he ever cooked for her.

“VA, remember the first time you cooked for me?”

“I remember the first time I attempted to cook, that shit was god awful.”

“It was not that bad.”

“You didn’t even eat it as it clearly wasn’t edible. That would mean it was bad.”

“The gesture was sweet though.”

“I guess. Just know this food is edible, my repertoire isn’t very large but I can cook a little.”

“The breakfast you made before was pretty good so you should be alright.”

“Oh, you do have some confidence in me?”

“Depends on the situation.”

Chris scoffed as he sat the cold bottle of Corona with a lemon wedge floating in it on the table in front of her, “what you want for your potato?”

“Cheese, salt and butter.”

“Anything for the steak?”

“I’ll try it plain then make a decision.”

“Ok.”

Chris placed two plates of food on the table then sat a butter dish, a small bowl of shredded cheese and moved the salt and pepper shakers in front of Robyn, “and dinner is served.”

Robyn took a sip of her beer before picking up her knife and fork. Cutting a small piece of steak, she popped it into her mouth and chewed. She dipped in her head in Chris’s direction before cutting another piece. He smiled and started to eat his own food.

~~~~~~~~~~~~

Robyn plopped down on the couch and folded her hands over her stomach, “You did an excellent job, Mr. Brown.”

Chris chuckled as he moved her legs to sit beneath them then settled them back in his lap, “Thank you. Glad you enjoyed it.”

“I was a little skeptical but it was really good. Thank you.”

“No problem. The least I could do.”

“So what did you and Mama J talk about besides me?”

“Besides you? Nothing. She just wanted to check on me since I hadn’t been to see her in a while.”

“Really? That’s interesting.”

“I think she’s back to subconsciously planning our wedding again.”

“When did she start?”

“9th grade.”

Robyn laughed, “If I didn’t love her so much, I’d strangle her.”

“Tell me about it. I really don’t wanna kill the mood but are we gonna talk or did Mama kind of turn you off from it?”

“I can’t avoid the topic forever I guess. I just haven’t come to terms with your confession, to be honest.”

“I can understand that. Please know I never meant to burden you with anything, that’s kind of why I didn’t want to say anything. That day I just got comfortable and it slipped out.”

“That was one of hell of a slip, Chris.”

“I know.”

“You know when we admitted that we love each other back in high school, a part of me thought the feeling would just pass at some point. Maybe it was just a proximity thing, you know. Then junior year came, senior year, college came and it never lessened. I was glad you had Tiana. I just always known that would never be me.”

“Well, I thought the opposite. My biggest fear was that it would lessen and then I wouldn’t have my best friend anymore. A part of me thought it would be you eventually but then I met Tiana and figured why rock the boat when I have a sure thing next to me.”

“I wasn’t a sure thing to you?”

“You’ve never been a sure thing to me. Not that there’s anything wrong with that. I just wasn’t in the place to be the kind of man I always believed you deserved. I definitely didn’t want to be the one to put you through any growing pains. I’m glad you got married and you had someone to love you right, that’s all I ever wanted for you.”

“And you never thought it could’ve been you.”

“I thought it could be but I was afraid I’d screw it up before we ever got to find out.”

“Were you ever in love with Tiana?”

“I was. Not the same way I was in love with you but I was in love with her. She was different, I thought she’d make me a better man and in a way, she did but I can’t say that our relationship was really ever something to write home about.”

“So why stay?”

“I knew her. She was comfortable. And not to be an ass, but better the devil you know than the one you don’t.”

“You make her sound like an old blanket or something.”

Chris laughed, “I’m not trying to really, it’s just she was comfortable for me that way. I didn’t really have to worry about trying as bad as that sounds. I gave her space, money, and jewelry and that’s really all I had to do. She was happy. I was content. Life was great.”

“And what changed?”

“I got tired of comfortable. I felt like I was stuck and it wasn’t an ordinary, you’re getting older stuck. A part of me felt like I was wasting my life. I didn’t have the children I wanted. I wasn’t who I wanted to be and it started to spill over into other parts of my life.”

“Like sex?”

“Like sex.”

“She never noticed the difference?”

“We rarely had sex so there wasn’t much to notice.”

“You rarely had sex? Now that’s shocking.”

“Tell me about it.”

Robyn chuckled, “I remember as teenagers when we found that kama sutra book in that chest we brought from that garage sale.”

“Oh yea. I swore once I got married that I was gonna try everything and be like this sex master.”

“You were one delusional, horny little 13 year old.”

“I mean I did get through a few positions before Tiana though.”

“Ewww...TMI.”

Chris laughed, “Don’t act like you didn’t know.”

“I didn’t. I had no interest in your sex life then and I have no interest in it now. Thank you very much.”

“Whatever, Robyn.”

“What changed though?”

“I got the letter to return back to Texas and I felt like it was my chance. I wasn’t thinking about leaving Tiana at all but I was hoping a change of scenery would change our situation. Maybe we had just been away from reality for too long.”

“Reality?”

“I mean it was just me and Tiana in Paris. No outside family. No one from our past to remind us of anything, it was a clean slate to be who we wanted without any interference of who we were.”

“And once you got to Texas?”

“Seeing you at my coming home party rocked me to my core. I wasn’t expecting you to show up and bumping into you just triggered something. I only had intentions of mending our friendship but as we spent time together even though you tried avoiding me like the damn plague, all those old feelings just came back.”

“Chris, I don’t want you to want me just for nostalgia purposes.”

“I know. I don’t want to want you for those reasons either. I ruined your life eight years ago, I don’t want to do that again.”

“You didn’t ruin my life. My children are absolutely everything to me and maybe things happened the way they did for a reason. What’s to say if you had known and stayed that we’d still be friends? What’s to say that we’d even be together?”

“That’s a logical way to look at it.”

“There was no guarantee that we would’ve bounced back from that night.”

“Maybe if I hadn’t gotten married.”

“You getting married wasn’t the issue. As I said, I never expected you to not get married.”

“Would you have considered us getting together if I hadn’t left that night?”

Robyn sighed and pulled her legs out of Chris’s lap to tuck them underneath her bottom, “I wish I knew the answer to that question. I think that’s what drives me crazy the most, the what ifs.”

“I know what you mean.”

Chris settled his hands behind his head and leaned back against the back of the couch. Robyn rubbed her hands against her thighs as she watched him fidget about, “you ok?”

“I’m good. Glad you’re here.”

“Really?”

“Your presence is solace for me, always has been.”

“That’s sweet.”

Chris looked over to her and reached his hand out to her. Robyn hesitated for a minute before taking his hand and cuddling up next to him. Chris wrapped his arms around her and settled his head against hers, “you need anything?”

“No, this is good.”

Chris kissed her temple then settled his head back against hers.

~~~~~~~~~~~

Robyn had just pulled her nightshirt over her head when she heard a knock on the bedroom door. She glanced up as Chris leaned his head into the doorway and asked, “you going to bed?”

“More like lay down and watch some TV. Not as tired as I thought I would be.”

“You can sit in here with me if you want. I slept too long and can’t sleep.”

Chris shrugged his shoulders and walked in to sit on the bed. Robyn wrapped the cover around her shoulders and tucked her feet underneath her. Chris settled back against the pillows and put his hands behind his head, “what you wanna talk about?”

“Nothing. Everything. I don’t know. Tell me about Paris.”

“What do you want to know?”

“Everything. Where’d you live? What’d it look like? I’ve never been out of the country before.”

“We’ll have to remedy that one day, you-”

Chris paused as he saw Robyn’s brow go up, “I will be taking you to Paris and wherever else you want to go, even if it’s just as friends. And no, you can’t talk me out of it.”

Robyn chuckled as she brushed her hair over her shoulder, “just because it’s too late to argue, I’ll let you have that.”

Chris laughed, “You know we’re pretty good for each other.”

“Yea until I want to kill you.”

“You’d never kill me. Hurt me. Break a few bones but never kill me.”

“Don’t be too sure, VA.”

“You still my friend?”

“I’m still sitting here, aren’t I?”

Chris smiled and pushed her legs with his hand, “you’re annoying.”

#chrianna #timehealsfanfiction

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mooneec · 6 years

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The Parentified Child: How It Contributes to a Depressed, Angry, and Resentful Adult

Were You a Parentified Child?

When you were a child, did your mom or dad turn to you for comfort and advice when they were struggling with problems at work, in their marriage, or with finances?

Did you share a special bond with that parent because you were their confidant and caretaker?

Did you forgo hanging out with friends, joining teams and clubs, and just being a kid because you were busy attending to your parent?

Do you now feel resentful because you missed out on a happy, carefree childhood?

If responding “yes” to these questions, you were a parentified child. As a result, you may be struggling in adulthood with sadness, anger, and depression. Don't give up hope, though, because recognizing the root of your problem gives you an opportunity to heal. You can find ways to make up for the joy you missed as a kid.

What Does It Mean to Be Parentified Child?

Parentification happens when a child switches roles with her mom, dad, or both, becoming the caretaker in the relationship. She may become this in an emotional way—listening to the parent's problems, giving them comfort, and offering advice. She may also do it in a physical way—cleaning the house, taking care of siblings, making meals, and even paying bills. Youngsters often become parentified when mom or dad is an alcoholic, a drug user, disabled, divorced, or mentally ill.

How I Became a Parentified Child at the Age of 12

My parents' marriage started to fall apart when I was 12. My mother suspected my father was having an affair with a woman at work. She and I would take hour-long walks every afternoon when she'd confide in me her worries, criticize my father, and even talk divorce. I'd listen intently, flattered she was trusting me with these grownup matters and offering what advice I could. Even though I was just a kid with little experience in relationships, she'd compliment my wisdom, saying I would make an excellent psychologist some day. Listening to her problems and giving counsel was how I got her attention and validation.

As a kid, I didn't think too much about this dynamic between my mother and me that lasted until I went off to college. I was just happy to spend time with her and be her confidant. It wasn't until I became a mother myself that I realized how horribly wrong it was to burden me with these adult issues, turning me against my father and making me cynical about marriage. I began to understand how she used me and robbed me of my childhood. I also learned that what she did wasn't that uncommon and actually has a name: parentification.

Parentification Can Cause Long-Term Problems Including Depression, Isolation, and Anger

Dads and moms who parentify a child often don't realize they're doing something incredibly harmful. My mother was going through a midlife crisis at the time she turned to me for comfort and support. She was unhappy in her job and feeling lonely because my dad was working long hours and traveling for business. When people at my dad's office began gossiping about an affair between him and a much younger subordinate, she was understandably embarrassed and upset. It tapped into her deepest insecurities as a woman and wife and caused her to think and act irrationally at times.

Instead of seeing a therapist or talking to a friend, she turned to me in her time of need. This proved to be a critical mistake, forever damaging the relationship between my father and me and leading to severe problems later in my life. After focusing on my mother's inner world for so many years, I felt unworthy of any attention being directed at me. I didn't know how to advocate for my own needs and desires. The consequences of being a parentified child finally caught up with me as an adult when I struggled with depression, isolation, and anger.

Bethany Webster deals specifically with mother-daughter relationships in "When Shame Feels Mothering: the Tragedy of Parentified Daughters." She writes, "A daughter is being exploited when her mother gives her adult roles, such as surrogate spouse, best friend or therapist...When a daughter is asked to be an emotional prop for her mother, she is unable to rely on her mother enough to get her own developmental needs met." As a result, the daughter can grow up to be an emotionally stunted adult with little self-confidence.

Depression

It's not unusual for a parentified child to become a depressed grownup. I struggled with extreme sadness most of my adult life, taking anti-depressants to numb the pain and going to therapy to get at the root of my heartache. My life transformed when an astute doctor gave me an aha moment, explaining that I had been parentified as a youngster and was suffering because of it. Until that moment, I had never heard of parentification. Having a name for what I experienced as a kid made me feel much better.

During the six years I acted as my mother's emotional caretaker, a tremendous burden was put on my shoulders even though I didn't realize it at the time. I dealt with adult issues that I didn't understand—marital infidelity, a midlife crisis, jealousy, insecurity, and rage. I worried my parents would divorce. I worried we'd have to sell our home and move away from the neighborhood I loved. I worried about our financial outlook and how we'd cope without our dad. I worried how my younger siblings would be affected. I worried about my mother's emotional stability and how I could make her feel better.

My decades-long battle with depression finally ended when I mourned the loss of the happy, carefree childhood I never knew. Kati Morton, a licensed marriage and family therapist, says the grieving process is key to healing. She says it includes acknowledging that what happened to us was not okay coupled with the motivation to move forward.

I started to nurture the little girl inside of me who didn't get the love and attention she craved. I began to enjoy some of the fun and frivolous activities I wanted to do as a kid but was never given the chance: going to a circus, roller-skating in the park, visiting Disneyland, and even having a sleepover with some of my friends.

Isolation

A parentified child can also grow up to be a lonely and isolated adult. During my teen years, I desperately needed a parent to give me advice and listen to my concerns about friends, dating, school, teachers, homework, my hair, and my makeup. My mother, though, couldn't see beyond her own problems to help me. My father, knowing that I was now my mother's confidant, largely avoided me even though we lived under the same roof. I spent too many hours alone in my room, feeling sad and scared. Instead of having the normal adventures of a teen—going to football games, hanging out with friends, and joining clubs and teams—I stayed close at home, feeling responsible for my mother's well-being.

Some therapists even consider parentification a form of child neglect. Because the youngster misses out on basic childhood experiences, her development is seriously impeded. This was certainly true in my case. I didn't get to enjoy the fun and frivolous activities that shape a teen's life. My role as my mother's confidant and emotional caretaker set me apart from my peers. Because we didn't have shared experiences in common, we didn't have much to say to one another. I had few friends and no social life.

Anger

According to Maggie Olivares, a social worker who's dealt with many parentified kids, anger is another byproduct that comes from missing out on a carefree childhood. When they become adults, they look back on all those years when they had too much responsibility and not enough fun and are resentful and bitter. They struggle to maintain a relationship with the mom or dad who parentified them and may even choose to end it.

To this day, I have tremendous anger toward my mother for using me that way. It turned out that my father was never having an affair and it was all in my mom's head, triggered by her deep insecurity. When my dad and her grew closer again after years of being distant, she unceremoniously dumped me. I was no longer needed as her confidant and ally. My relationship with my dad had been annihilated years before that, and I was left with nothing.

Fortunately, I've forgiven my mother and moved on with my life, but I still find it difficult to trust people. In the back of my mind, I'm worried about being used again. I often see friendships as depleting rather than energizing. While my mother has apologized for talking badly to me about my dad, she certainly hasn't owned up to how she turned me into a parentified child and caused disastrous effects in my life.

Final Thoughts

If you were parentified like I was, missing out on a carefree childhood, it's easy to spend your adult life feeling sad and resentful. In Bad Childhood, Good Life, the author encourages us to understand how our past affects our present but discourages us from making it our identity. Just because we were parentified as kids doesn't mean we have to wear the badge of perpetual victim. We can put our early years in perspective and move forward, knowing we're now in charge of our destinies. We can feel empowered and hopeful, building a happy and meaningful adult life even though we missed out on a lot during childhood. We deserve it.

#McKenna Meyers #parentified #parentified child #depression #anger #isolation #resentment

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anything-advice-blog · 5 years

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I need help with my life.

Hi. I know you get a lot of asks, so I really ask that you see to the more urgent ones before mine.

Anyway. I was at boarding school, but everyone thought I was depressed and my parents dragged me half way across the world back to where I was before. I have a pretty rocky relationship with my parents as a result of this (although I definitely wasn’t on good terms with my mum even before) and I’ve also had trouble with my friends, in that I just don’t like them. I don’t hang out with them outside of school (they hang out without me) and I just pretend to enjoy myself when they’re around. One of them is a bit of a bully and, as such, I haven’t talked to her in over two months. The group is falling apart.

At school, I’m feeling less and less motivated and I have internal exams at the moment. I haven’t studied. I overheard my mum complaining about my laziness and saying I always have an excuse for everything - she was talking to my Maths tutor, who readily agreed with her - and, although my father tried to bring up my social life as a contributing factor, she just dismissed it as irrelevant.

My parents had marital issues about a year ago and my mum dumped all their problems on me. Probably worth mentioning that, although they’re supposedly over it now.

There have been occasions where I have TRIGGER WARNING self harmed, mostly in sort of “fits” (I don’t know how else to describe it), and my mother doesn’t really treat those as serious. TRIGGER WARNING OVER

I don’t know what to do. Next year, I start the IB course. I’m unmotivated. I rarely leave the house unless it’s to go to school.

Even my English teacher has started to hold me back after class and ask me what’s wrong. It feels like my old school all over again, but at least at boarding school I had real friends.

What do I do?

Sincerely hoping you can help and apologising for the lengthy submission,

Soondae

URGENT. it's soondae again. you didn't respond to my initial submission but that's fine, you get tons of messages. anyway. there's been a development. i had an episode and i tried to self harm. it freaked my entire family out. i don't really know what to say about it. it's hard to put into words. actually, i don't think yyou caan give any advice. i just want someone to have read this and known. i wasn't wrong, was i? i'm only 15. how can i have so many responsibilities? i don'tgtr knw

Hi there,

I’m sorry that you’re struggling with this right now. You’re right, it does sound like an awful lot of responsibility for such a young age. And unfortunately, that happens sometimes. The best we can do is talk to the people putting us under so much pressure and do our best. Is there anyone you can talk to about how you feel? I think that going to see a counselor might be a really good idea. They would be able to give you specific coping strategies and advice based on your situation that I can’t provide because I’m not a professional.

I would try to make some new friends if I were you. It sounds like your current friends aren’t actually your friends. Here is the link to our page on friendship which you might find useful.

I know that self harm can seem like a useful tool, but it only causes more problems. Here is our list of alternatives to self harm. Although it might be difficult to stop, it’s easier to stop right at the beginning than to let it go on too long and become a coping mechanism.

I would strongly recommend getting professional help. A professional would be able to help you with more specific strategies and techniques. The information I have provided is a starting point but self harm is serious and it can spiral very quickly. Please prioritize yourself and seek help.

-Livia

#aab #anything-advice-blog #anything advice blog #advice #advice blog #submission #answered #livia #soondae #tw #trigger warning #tw: self harm #trigger warning: self harm

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georgiansuggestion · 7 years

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Dear Editor, I would very much like to marry a close friend of mine. She has invented a unique alphabet for writing in her native language and she can build a working voltaic pile and I can't stop thinking about kissing her. Unfortunately I am more at ease discussing technological problems with her than matters of the heart. How do I go about asking for her hand? ~ M. Way

My Dear Mr Way–

Your Enquiry has to it Two Parts, the One being Far Simpler than the Other; The First being of such Straightforward Procedure that it may be Achieved in the Course of an Afternoon, as a Proposal after Such Long Acquaintance as you describe requires only the Consent of the Lady’s Guardian and the Lady Herself, which may be requested in the Phrase, “May I Humbly beg Permission to ask your (Daughter’s) Hand, Sir/Miss, I would be the Happiest Man on Earth if you would allow it, you know me to be an Honourable Fellow of Means, O Please, the Course of my Life and Joy depends Upon this Moment,” or Something to this Effect, as Some Years Ago it served Yours Truly in obtaining an Engagement. Yet the Tone of your Letter suggests to me it is not the Mechanism which thwarts you, but the Discovery of a Reciprocated Interest; If this is not the Case, there is no need to finish reading my Reply.

I must congratulate you in your Passion and the Subject Thereof; She sounds a Capable, Intelligent Young Woman, and should she acquiesce I wish you Every Delight in your Union. But I am Glad you have told her Nothing, for it is Inadvisable, in Any Circumstance, to speak so Fervently and Openly of one’s Sentiments to the Lady in Question, Particularly in the Only Respectable Condition in which you can meet, id est in Chaperoned Company. Thus your Debility becomes Strength, as your Desire, diverted through Terms of Science and Technology, may be so Disguised as to limit your Audience only to your Fair Venus. Begin with Conversation around your Mutual Successes and Projects which you undertook Together; From Thence to talk of your Fruitful Friendship and the Meeting of True Minds; Then a Hint, which, if she has been yearning to hear Near so Much as you have yearned to speak, she will Surely note, that your Efforts and Future Happiness may be Much Improved by a Permanent Arrangement Between Yourselves. This Gradual Path from your Works to your Feelings may ease you Both into Discussion of a Marital Nature, should Wish for it exist with Both Parties.

Yours &tc.,The Editor

#courtship and scandal #editor's advice #science and scholarship #skeletontemple #editor lore

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garrisonabel93 · 4 years

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How To Save Your Sexless Relationship

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#Can I Save Marriage Fabulous Useful Ideas #How To Save Your Marriage Podcast

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