#in terms of trying to guess emotions and insecurities at play

[nohkalikai]

i understand it's an issue of wanting to relate to people and not wanting to be left out but there has got to be a better way of trying to fit in

[chuulyssa]

🇨​​ 🇴 ​​🇳 ​​🇫​​ 🇪 ​​🇸​​ 🇸 ​​🇮 ​​🇴 ​​🇳​ ！

BSD MEN REACTING TO A CONFESSION.

↷ A/N ─ yes new divider again because im indecisive as heck

★ FT. ─ dazai , chuuya , ranpo , akutagawa , atsushi , fyodor

!! TAGS ─ mentions of suicide, insecurities, overall fluff

"i love you."

ᴅᴀᴢᴀɪ.

promptly replies with, "i love you too."

he'll lean into you with an amused smile because he lowkey thinks you're joking

when he realizes you're serious about it he'll immediately stop the stupid grin

and look at you with this sincere look you've never seen on his face before

he'll hold your hand and everything while repeating "i love you too," for a second time, only this time he's serious about it too

definitely asks for double suicide later

"You know it's my motto to unalive myself with a beautiful woman. How lucky of you to have been bestowed upon this honour."

"Mhm."

"I'll say yes if you join me in a double suicide," he asks with puppy eyes.

"Dazai, you already said yes."

"I'll say it again!"

​ᴄʜᴜᴜʏᴀ.

he stops abruptly and half chokes on his expensive ass wine

poor boy is really confused 😭 because "where did that come from??"

he tries to play it cool but he's literally SCREAMING inside

we all know he's been betrayed a lot of times in the past so he feels hesitant about it

will decide to give it a shot tho

100% calls dazai to brag about it

"You may be taller or whatever (as if that matters in the first place) but were you the one able to steal her heart? Eh? I think not!"

You chuckle hearing him update his rival of his new relationship status.

"And anyway," he raises a glass of wine for toast. "I'd like to thank my good looks, good looks and did I mention my good looks (?) for making tonight the happiest night ever."

ʀᴀɴᴘᴏ.

"i know."

he has always observed every single thing about you - how you behave around others vs how you behave around him, the little times you look at him like you want his attention etc etc

he's known about this since like soooo long

he defo also knew when where and how you were gonna confess

went to yosano for tips to react to it and bought you chocolates and stuff. he thinks it'll make you happy :D

eats all of that himself even tho he originally bought it for you but you let it slide because he's a cutie patootie

"You could at least have been a bit subtle about it," he says, munching on his chips. "I mean, anyone who saw you would've been able to guess. I didn't even need my ability for this!"

He lifts his chin up thoughtfully, fingers ripping open another packet of snacks. "You should be grateful I'm not a snitch. Eh, well," he shrugs, "You're now dating the greatest detective in the world! Congratulations!"

ᴀᴋᴜᴛᴀɢᴀᴡᴀ.

"eh???"

like chuuya, he's pretty confused too

"are you sure?"

tries to keep a straight face and hide his fluster

he'll narrow his eyes at you as if he's trying to read your emotions. he doesn't wanna get hurt if he gets too attached to you and you two end up breaking up

also how tf is he supposed to believe that someone like YOU like someone like HIM?

reassure him that he's perfect please :( poor baby deserves the world

"I am a lot of work. I don't think you can keep up with all of that," he says shortly.

"I'll try my best."

"You don't have to."

"But I want to!"

He stares at you for a few moments, looking like he's about to cry.

"Oh, alright then," he waves a hand around. "But don't you ever leave me."

ᴀᴛꜱᴜꜱʜɪ.

screams

"SAY IT AGAIN PLEASE!"

jumps around everywhere in happiness

you dont even get a verbal answer the man's just dancing around

either that or he just faints

he's, like akutagawa, insecure about himself. but he's much more open to showing his emotions to you.

you end up cuddling the whole night or he calls off work to be with you for the rest of the day <3

"I..." he repeats the same word for the fifth time in a row.

"Yes?"

"Don't mind me, I'm just trying to come to terms with the fact that I get to date you."

"Is that a bad thing?"

"No, no!" he panics, wringing both hands all over himself hastily. "I love you! Really!"

ꜰʏᴏᴅᴏʀ.

no reaction. im sorry

spares a small glance at you but otherwise doesn't get distracted from his work

you think he's gone deaf from the way he just ignored you cuz what????

will spend like 15 minutes that way before extending an arm to you and you lowkey DONT KNOW WHAT TO DO??? HELP??

he'll stare at you for a few seconds before pulling you onto his lap and continuing with his work

and that's his way of saying yes

He shuts the computers around him down and taps your outer thigh twice. You immediately stand up and help him up. He stares at you for a few seconds, contemplating something.

"You know, I never thought I'd enable others to call me a lovesick fool."

"Does that mean you are a lovesick fool?"

"A little, maybe," he turns around and walks out of the door while you follow him with a soft smile on your face.

© chuulyssa 2024 - do not copy, plagiarize or repost my works on any platforms. do not translate.

[carmesi-butterfly]

threesomes with zerobaseone

i wanted to do taerae too but i didn't know with who in zb1 should i pair him with :( pls tell me and i will do a post apart for him!!

legal line. word count 1.3k. warnings degrading. not proofread.

zhang hao + reader + hanbin

when hanbin told you about this thing he wanted to try in bed you accepted immediately, being in the same bed doing nasty stuff with your boyfriend and his hot best friend? an opportunity like this wouldn't happen again, and of course, you took it with no doubt.

at first, the situation was a bit strange, it turned out that zhang hao who is a nice guy (with a mix of sass too) enjoyed profusely being a mean dom, denigrating you by mentioning how desperate you seemed to be fucked by him, or if you wanted him that much you should do the work yourself, curiously he never insulted you with names as slut or whore, his words were enough to make you feel like one. with hanbin, it was completely different, this man worshipped you in every way he could to the point of venerating the ground where you stood, in bed it didn't change, always talking about how pretty, sexy, cute, and beautiful you looked while dicking you in the hardest but careful way possible.

this led to a situation where you, getting double penetration by them being your boyfriend on the back and his friend on your front, was having a confusing combination of sweet nothings with degrading words, “are two dicks enough for you?” zhang hao would ask while looking at you with a lustful gaze, “you're doing so good babe, taking both of us so well” added hanbin, his head buried in the crop of your neck with his eyes closed, being completely immersed in the act as if sinking his dick deep into your cunt could get him into a trance.

they did everything together and all the attention was directed to you, if hao was eating you hanbin would be kissing you while showering you in praises, caressing your whole body like you were some goddess he had to pray. if hanbin was fucking you, zhang hao would be lying on your side whispering nasty things to you, even saying things about his desperate friend, calling him a pussydrunk. it was the perfect balance.

jiwoong + reader + matthew

your relationship with matthew could be described as friends with benefits, even if he doesn't like that term and prefers to call it a “situationship”, the point is that you two fuck pretty regularly but he haves a few insecurities and doubts about what he can do for you to enjoy more, luckily for him! jiwoong usually helps him with all these doubts, as someone older, more experienced and incredibly hot he had more than one advice to give. but i guess that it was easier for him to do a visual demonstration, because there you are, being fucked by jiwoong while matthew admired everything with an amazed look.

“you have to do it like this, see?” said smoothly, his dick roaming into your cunt while his fingers stimulated your clitoris, your legs were positioned over his shoulders giving him more access to your insides.

“y-yes, jiwoong hyung” gasped, his eyes enchanted with the panorama in front of him, poor matthew was so worked up by just watching, his eyes didn't know where to look, there were so many options like your feet that in way of responding to all the pleasure were twitching, both yours and the other man’s body slamming together, your chest moving with every thrust and at the end, your face expressing all the emotions and sensations you were feeling throughout your whole body.

“do it yourself then” with this the tall man stopped his peace, switching places with his “apprentice” who now was penetrating your pussy and playing with that sensitive button, trying to do it as his hyung told him. jiwoong finds all this act somehow exciting, not only because of the situation of his friend recurring to him for guidance but also because having the opportunity of watching a full beauty like you being railed and having the opportunity of doing it himself was more than thrilling. now that he was lying at your side completely free he searched for a new activity to entertain himself in this show, “you should play with her chest if she likes it” advised, now twitching and pulling your nipples softly, more moans and groans were added to the already big amount of sounds that were leaving your mouth, proving jiwoong that you enjoyed it.

matthew was so invested in making you cum by doing everything his friend showed him that you ended up trying a lot of new positions (two times, because jiwoong had to do it first to do the visual demonstration of course!), finding new sensitive spots you didn't knew you had and having more orgasms than you thought was possible.

ricky + reader + gyuvin

you didn't intend this to happen, the three of you were just playing a little and being a bit handsy, it probably wasn't the best idea but it felt so nice and the ending turned out better.

getting fucked by gyuvin, your boobs bouncing with every thrust, and your legs placed on his shoulders so he could have more control over you and penetrate you better, harder, and touch all of those delicious points that made you see stars. on the other side, ricky was taking good care of you, making out until you ran out of air and manhandling your clit and nipples.

they probably wouldn't accept it if you ask them later, but there was an obvious competition between them about who would make you enjoy more, cum faster, moan louder, or even if one of them could make you squirt. if ricky kissed you, the moment he stopped to get some air gyuvin would take advantage of your lips being free to start a more heated kissing session, demonstrating he can do it better; you were sucking gyuvin’s dick? in his turn ricky is going to choke you with his, abusing your mouth until he comes into your throat; when fingering you both will try to exploit their abilities to make you cum fast, ricky knows how to touch you, and his delicate hands explore all your sensitive areas, exploiting your clitoris and making you crazy without introducing any of his fingers inside of you, it felt amazing, but let's not discredit gyuvin! he has such slender and big fingers you just desired them to be inside of you and when the moment came it was majestic, his fingers hitting that sweet point over and over again it wasn't any difficult for you to have your orgasm in a short time.

the conclusion is that this is gonna happen again and even if they have amazing and equal sexual skills, the competition is repeating itself too, it's not like you have any problem with it.

[darklinaforever]

Me pressing the block button soon as I see someone saying that Ben is always gaslighting and manipulating Rey in their interactions, infiltrating her head / mind to play with her insecurities and mold her into his perfect companion.

Seriously, wtf ?

And I had to come across this in the tag dedicated to Oshamir... (with obviously the mention of the fact that it is easier to ship Oshamir than Reylo, because Oshamir unlike Reylo does not contain these things...)

It's so paradoxical to me that Oshamir shippers don't like Reylo and can say such stupid shit about Ben's character who literally doesn't do any of that ?

Kylo Ben is very bad at manipulation and is an open book in terms of emotion, and even when he succeeds in fooling Snoke, we clearly see in his face the moment when Snoke is sentenced to death after he has caused suffering to Rey.

This is also why he wears a mask, to hide his emotions that he cannot hide.

He also simply has trouble expressing himself properly (not very social, the guy) and is brutally honest with Rey, hence the fact that he says things that she doesn't like but which are no less true and being things that Rey actually needs to hear in order to move forward.

How can we twist the Reylo relationship to this extent ?!

And then, Kylo Ben is not trying to mold Rey into his perfect companion, she already is. They are two who become one.

It's a fact.

If it's because he's trying to get her to join him on the dark side, I guess you also think that Rey is trying to mold Kylo Ben as her ideal companion by bringing him back to the light ?

You have to stop the bullshit after a while.

Especially if that's it, well Qimir is also trying to get Osha to join his side, so wtf is the argument ?

And if it's not based on that, well when would Kylo try to mold Rey into his perfect companion because these kinds of scenes objectively simply don't exist.

[bonny-kookoo]

Jungkook

Tongue Tied: Open Secret

In which Jungkook comes clean with his pack leader.

Tags/Warnings: Hybrid!BTS x Hybrid!Reader, Wolf!BTS, Dog!Reader, strangers to lovers, fluff, some angst, insecurities & very openly emotional reader, implied smut OOOOOH-, Namjoon/Jungkook focused

Length: short, drabble

A/N: There is no taglist. Also: Boo. Yes I just did that.

-> Masterlist

━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━

"Jungkook.. are you telling me right now that you slept with her?" Namjoon asks in a warning tone- but Jungkook across from him simply nods, neither intimidated nor in any way insecure about what he'd just revealed.

"Like I said, I want to be transparent with you, and the pack in general." He offers. "It happened, it was consensual, it was no accident, I do not regret it, neither does she." He repeats his words in a more summed up manner. "And nothing you might tell me will make me feel shame for it." He adds, arms crossed defensively.

"I'm not.. I just-" Namjoon stammers. It's not like he's never looked at you in a more... sensual aspect, but this? It's a fine line he didn't know if he wanted to cross it.

If he could cross it.

"I'm not taking her for myself either, just so we're clear." Jungkook says after a moment. "She belongs with the pack, and the pack belongs with her. I'm simply filling you in on where I stand with her, as a part of this pack." He explains.

"How.. did that even happen?" Namjoon sighs, sitting down as he runs a hand over his face. "How- she's not that fluent yet In terms of language. How the hell can you be sure she was okay with it?" He worries.

"I'm sure you don't want details-" Jungkook shrugs, leaning against the wall, "but simplified, we played around in my apartment, I caught her, we kissed, ended up sleeping together." He shrugs. "Namjoon, I asked her several times if she knew what we were doing. If she was okay with it. She was clearly aware of everything going on- she even stopped me at some point when I wasn't doing what she liked. She clearly knew what we did, and she was fine before, during, and after. I made sure of that." He explains.

"Where is she now?" Namjoon asks.

"With Jimin and Taehyung at the practice room, Hoseok said he'd be there too at some point." Jungkook explains. "I'll pick her up right after this. I just wanted to let you know."

"Jungkook, I appreciate it. I really do." The leader says, before he looks at him.

"Just say what you want to say." Jungkook shrugs. "Like I said, nothing will make me feel ashamed or bad about it."

"I'm not trying to make you feel bad about it." The leader sighs. "I'm just.. this is a huge deal. Her foster contract with the company is ending-"

"And I already filed in to have her transferred to me. Namjoon, I know I can still be a huge puppy when it comes to my place in the pack, but when it comes to her- trust me." He says, eyes determined and voice serious. "I will not lose her. And neither do I take any of this lightly. I know how serious this is- not just for me.. but all of us." He says.

"I just.. have you talked to her about what happened? What's going to happen?" The leader asks, slowly coming to terms with things.

"I did." Jungkook nods. "She mentioned how she.. feels the same about the pack as she does towards me. But she's scared." He explains.

"Scared?" Namjoon wonders.

"Yeah. I mean, she feels a bit babied by some of you guys, and I can understand it." He shrugs at the rapper.

"Babied?" He asks, surprised.

"You don't take her seriously. You don't.. really let her make decisions. I guess that's why she likes to stay with me, or Jin. Since we don't really do that." He shrugs.

"I'm just careful." Namjoon sighs. "But I can see both of your points. It's hard for me not to.. you know, baby her, considering where she comes from and in what situation she's in."

"I mean, yeah-" Jungkook sighs, as he walks closer to pat his leader's back. "-and she doesn't blame you or anyone for doing it. She just wants to be understood- and taken seriously." He says.

"I understand." The rapper nods, looking up at his packmate. "And.. thank you. For being so honest."

"Of course." Jungkook grins, Wolf tail wagging happily. "We're a pack, after all. Especially now." He offers, and ut makes Namjoon smile brightly to himself.

Because Jungkook is right. You're all a pack-

Now more than ever, thanks to you.

[seineko]

it's fluff and angst but, minors still do not interact!

i still can't get over that official genshin art i posted a few hours ago so here's my brain rot lmao. it isn't really anything particular or meaningful, i guess, but i wanted to write something for the art. my brain was practically itching so i'm probably going to make it up as i go :) also my writing style is probably going to be weird in this.

warning(s): character death mentioned briefly, very light angst.

it's not that diluc likes to make you worried. but he had his reasons as to why his heart fluttered when you dashed towards his cupboard to bring out the first aid kit after manhandling him into sitting down on his bed, scolding him a bit as you pulled out the antiseptic and cotton.

he doesn't remember his mother well. actually, he doesn't remember his mother at all. the closest person to a mother for him was adelinde.

who also happens to be the first person he remembers being worried for him. he was chasing after a few crystalflies in the winery yard and, just when he was about to catch one, he tripped over his own feet and fell into the ground.

adelinde rushed to him mere seconds after that, worry written in the most clear handwriting across her face as she picked him up and rushed inside the winery to treat the scrape across his knee and a few smaller wounds on his hands.

he doesn't remember much after that other than being bribed by a glass of grape juice to stop crying and waiting for his father to finish his work to get back home.

his father and kaeya were the other two who he remembered being worried for him. at least when they were kids for the latter.

one instance that stood out particularly for him was when kaeya had lost the coin crepus had given to him. their father told kaeya to keep it safe and that it was a gift from someone special. diluc does not know to what extent it was true but thinking about it as an adult made him realize that crepus was probably trying to ease kaeya's insecurities and fear.

they visited jean that day and kaeya refused to play anything with them and did not part with the coin even for a second until they finally lured him in to collecting flowers to make flower crowns for adelinde.

kaeya had only realized that he lost the coin after they reached home. diluc saw his little brother visually become smaller and more frigid the moment he realized that. he left dinner midway and dragged himself to their room pulling up the curtains around his bed.

diluc remembered trying all the tricks he knew to get him out but none of them worked. he even offered to let kaeya braid his hair! the only thing remaining was going and finding the coin.

so he sneaked out after making sure that adelinde had slept and did exactly that.

their father had never looked older than at the moment when he returned home with kaeya's coin in his right pocket. his brother's face was completely swollen and blotched, tears still leaking out of his eyes.

he practically felt the worry radiating off of his father's body as soon as he was pulled into a bone crushing hug. kaeya sneaked his hand into one of his own sometime during it and did not leave it until the next morning.

adelinde had banned him from leaving his room days after that. his adopted brother stayed with him the entire time. (well, at least kaeya still seems to have that coin, it wasn't all for naught).

after the death of his father, it felt as though there was no one really left to worry about him anymore. adelinde was still there for him, he knew that, but that still didn't help dissipate the feeling.

it was especially rough during his visit - for the lack of a better term - to snezhnaya. the fresh grief made everything feel more painful than it actually was. an amalgamation of varying emotions; everything from anger, frustration, sadness, emptiness, guilt, the need for revenge, a sense of loss and many more that he couldn't even name muddled his head and stuck with him until years to come.

so yes. diluc doesn't really like making you worry, but he also can't help falling in love just a bit more everytime you treat his would with such worry and pain reflecting in your eyes as though it was you that had gotten hurt. it almost numbs his own pain and all he can thinking about is caging you in his arms and never letting you go.

the tenderness with which you kiss all his scars everytime he gets a new one has his heart pounding into his chest with such speed that he was sure it wasn't actually good for his health, especially when you put extra time and care into caressing that big gash across his back.

he can't help melting into spot when you cuddle his head into your neck and caress his scalp with your fingers, after taking care of all of his wounds, old and new.

he can't be more grateful than at the moment when you hum a soft tune into his ear to help him sleep better, hand still entangled with his hair and body wrapped around him, hiding him away from the entire world.

you are his home.

©2023 by seineko @ tumblr

[livelaughghoul]

Charles Leclerc Personality Reading

Disclaimer: This is for entertainment purposes only, nothing observed or taken away from this should be considered fact. As a reminder, I know fuck all about Formula 1, I just like fast cars and have a dumb amount of knowledge of astrology and tarot. 

I think for Charles I’m going to do a deep dive into his full chart as well, so this is just going to be the tarot side of things. I definitely think that there is a lot to learn about Charles, and I think that tarot can be a great tool for that, at least for me. I really enjoyed his reading, and digging deeper in this way. I absolutely would love to do further readings on him, with the little information I’ve been able to learn about him through the various messages I’ve received, I kind of have a soft spot for him. 

For this batch, I stuck with the typical personality readings that I do, but I also decided to see what the cards had to say about establishing trust in others because, from the last few races I’ve watched (be proud of me, I’m trying to learn!!), it seems to me that there is a lot of conflict within the team. 

Outward Personality: Queen of Cups

I love this in terms of it being the outward personality because it is such a warm and loving card. It tells of genuineness, compassion for others, and incredible patience. It’s a card that makes me believe that Charles would give the shirt off his back to someone in need, especially once that person is in his inner circle. It’s taking others' pain and offering unconditional support even if he is experiencing his own pain. Outwardly, Charles is incredibly caring, compassionate, and selfless in his relationships with others. He is the type of person you want standing beside you. 

Inward Personality: Five of Pentacles, reversed 

I don’t love this for the inward personality. When it comes to the five of pentacles (reversed) in terms of the inward personality I see a lot of internal conflict, insecurity, and imposter syndrome. I think the internal conflict likely stems from the standards he is setting for himself. I don’t know if there is some sort of familial legacy that he feels pressured by or something, but I could easily see that playing into how he feels internally. It’s easy to hold onto a lot of these things when we perceive ourselves doing worse than we actually are. With the Queen of Cups being the emotional and compassionate outward personality, I think that there may be too much of taking others' pain and putting others before himself as well. 

Trust in others: The moon, reversed

This is a rough one, especially when it comes to trust. The Moon is all about deception, questioning the intentions of others, and a sense of mystery. I definitely think that once trust has been established it is difficult to break, but once the cracks start to show everything is questioned. Building and establishing trust takes time, and there is likely a lot of questioning and second-guessing that happens before there is a level of trust to be had. I get the sense that there are a lot of cracks within the current team, there is some difficulty in trust and feeling like things are fine. 

[spaceorphan18]

Hey!

Have enjoyed reading your glee opinions!

Just watched Bridgerton Season 3 and I really don’t think Blaine and Colin are similar.

Such a big part of Blaine’s character is his charisma and showmanship and I feel like Colin doesn’t share these qualities

Interested to hear if you agree or disagree?

Actually, Nonny, I do agree with you on that specific point.

Blaine is not only an extrovert but is way better at being performative (because he's had a lot more practice and training tbf) and enjoys being performative. Colin is an introvert who does not have the same performative charm (and when he tries... ooff, not great), nor does he get much out of it in the way that Blaine sincerely does.

Yes, I agree there are some fundamental differences in their personalities.

I guess when I say they're the same - I mean more so in terms of archetypes and motivators. It's like having two different flavors of ice cream - strawberry and mint chocolate chip. They taste completely different. But they're still ice cream. That may be an odd way to put it but...

They both want to make art and help people.

They both end up being performative to mask their inner insecurities.

They're both deeply insecure about who they are. And a lot of this comes from an inferiority complex somewhat brought about by being a younger sibling.

They both inflict their pain and torment inward instead of outward, and are more likely to be self destructive and downward spiral in a big, dramatic fashion.

They both have a hero complex, and feel that their self worth is tied to how much someone else might need them in their life.

They both go 0-100 really quickly when it comes to their emotions -- they both feel those emotions in a very big way.

And... in a much longer list that I may eventually write up (or not, idk how much people are interested in this topic ultimately?) the role they play with their partners is very similar.

I guess what I'm trying to get at is that their character design and purpose in the narrative are very similar. Their individual personality characteristics are different. I hope that makes sense? Because that's more so what I'm getting at.

[world-cinema-research]

Five Easy Pieces (1970)

By: Christian Lavarello

The film “Five Easy Pieces” by director Bob Rafelson tells the story of Robert Eroica Dupea, “Bobby” played by Jack Nicholson, a thirtysomething oil rigger working in Kern County, California. Bobby moved away from his upper middle-class upbringing and classical musical talent as a pianist, intending to run away from his problems and his character demonstrates a lack of responsibility, ambition and insecurity. Bobby’s lack of ambition and insecurity led him into a period of emotional emptiness and dissatisfaction for twenty something years as a blue-collar worker alongside his girlfriend Rayette whom he treats unfairly and shows a lack of respect and love.  

Jack Nicholson learning to play the piano for his lead role in "Five Easy Pieces".

When Bobby learns from his sister that his father has had two strokes and his health was declining, he decides to travel back to his family home in Washington State. It is during this trip that we get to know Bobby on a much deeper level as he shows embarrassment towards Rayette, cheats on her and ends up abandoning her at the end of the film. One of the most touching scenes that lets the viewer see Bobby in a vulnerable state is when he tells his father, “I don't know if you'd be particularly interested in hearing anything about me. My life, I mean... Most of it doesn't add up to much that I could relate as a way of life that you'd approve of... I'd like to be able to tell you why, but I don't really... I mean, I move around a lot because things tend to get bad when I stay. And I'm looking... for auspicious beginnings, I guess... I'm trying to, you know, imagine your half of this conversation... My feeling is, that if you could talk, we probably wouldn't be talking. That's pretty much how it got to be before... I left... Are you all right? I don't know what to say... Tita suggested that we try to... I don't know. I think that she... seems to feel we've got... some understanding to reach... She totally denies the fact that we were never that comfortable with each other to begin with... The best that I can do, is apologize. We both know that I was never really that good at it, anyway... I'm sorry it didn't work out”. 

Five Easy Pieces director, Bob Rafelson left home at an early age to experience the world on his own terms, performing for a time in rodeos and playing jazz combo in Mexico. Bob Rafelson was the son of a hat manufacturer and studied philosophy at Dartmouth College and at the University of Benares in India before serving in the U.S. Army in Japan. He was an American film director, writer and producer who is known as one of the founding leaders in the “American New Wave” movement of the 70s.  

Five Easy Pieces was widely acknowledged as Bob Rafelson’s masterpiece given how artistic and influential this film was for its’ time. The film, Nicholson, and Black all received multiple Oscar and other Academy Award nominations. The majority of reviews of this film were extremely positive and some touch on the themes of masculinity, upper- and lower-class America, alienation and family dynamics. Robert Ebert wrote a few reviews for this film and in one he states the following, “It is difficult to explain today how much Bobby Dupea meant to the film's first audiences. I was at the New York Film Festival for the premiere of "Five Easy Pieces," and I remember the explosive laughter, the deep silences, the stunned attention as the final shot seemed to continue forever, and then the ovation”. 

By the late 1960s prior to the release of “Five Easy Pieces”, the United States political situation was very unstable with President Richard Nixon's secret bombings of Cambodia and the uncertainty of the Vietnam War. This was followed by President Nixon’s resignation given his Watergate scandal and Wall Street’s hard-hat riots. On a more positive note, the Apollo 13 mission launched on April 11, 1970. 

While “Five Easy Pieces” is considered a conventional film due to its story and style being for the most part easy to understand and was produced and distributed by a large corporation, some have referred to it as the “first Sundance film”. The film was a success with a $1.6 million budget and a gross profit of around $18 million in the U.S. I enjoyed watching this film and learning about its influential value in modern day American films as well as the psychological dilemma the main character faced and how these various issues were presented to the viewer during a time where the U.S. was undergoing various major changes in history.  

[firsttarotreader]

I've got a reading idea! Have you ever done one if he ever leads people on because he likes the attention but never intends for it to go anywhere

Hiya! So, I did ask your question, but I asked it wrong, so I had to do the follow up. Lmao 😅 I first asked if he is someone to flirt and lead people on when he never intended for it to go anywhere, but I forgot the attention part, so after (considering the answer to the first one), I asked if he likes the attention. 😄

The Major Arcana for the first question were The Magician, The Lovers and Temperance. The Magician means he might enjoy “playing the game”, he likes to seduce, to use his skills and his “tricks” and try and get the person. The Lovers in this context points to a choice, he goes for someone and he comes up full of “love”, but he needs to actually choose to be with them, to make things move forward. Temperance is about balance and having patience and trying to be moderated, going the middle path, which makes me think he does want to see the rewards and the results of his “work”. He wants to see if he can be successful, if they will be a “match”, if things can progress harmoniously.

The Minor Arcana were the 8 of Wands, 7 of Pentacles and 6 of Wands reversed. 8 of Wands with The Magician shows him using his skills and resources and putting up his best flirting game at first, like he will start full of energy and expecting things to progress quickly, as if he wanted to strike once and win. BUT 7 of Pentacles with The Lovers makes things a bit more complicated, since he starts to think “long term”, like he will have to put in a lot more effort to actually have something with them, and he will have to “choose” to be with them and that comes with a “price”. Too much hassle? In any case, 6 of Wands reversed with Temperance means all that harmony and balance and waiting to see the results of your “work” are not really gonna be sustained. He might start to doubt himself, to feel quite negative about the situation, and to second guess it, and then he looses the willpower to go forward with it, he fails to go all the way.

So yeah, he might tend to flirt and lead people on while not intending for it to go anywhere. Possibly because it’s too much work and he needs to compromise.

Then I asked if he might do it because he likes to get the attention, and the Major Arcana were The Chariot, The Magician and The Sun.

The Chariot shows him taking control of the situation and going for it, with the feeling of being “in charge” and making the move. The Magician is again about how he wants to be creative and show his skills and resources and put up his best flirting game. The Sun means he wants to… be seen! He might feel the need to be noticed, to be successful, to be seen as someone who is strong, vibrant, illuminating and optimistic.

The Minor Arcana were the 3 of Swords reversed, Ace of Cups and 8 of Pentacles. 3 of Swords reversed with The Chariot is interesting because it means that making the move, feeling “in control” and the potential of something happening might help him deal with his own insecurities and disappointments and pain. It makes him feel like “starting over”. Ace of Cups with The Magician points to him using those skills and tricks and his best flirting so he can feel “loved” and get those positive emotions flowing again. 8 of Pentacles with The Sun shows him not only wanting to be seen, but also to “prove” he can work up the person, that he can seduce, that he can put in the effort and see the results.

So he does want the attention, he wants to feel wanted by people, but he might also enjoy that ego stroke, the feeling of “I can do it, I can make it happen”.

[andrewisdoing]

The one thing I can say about this year is how I feel like I am healing my inner child.

The older I’m getting, the more I’m settling into my skin and loving the man I’m becoming but also honoring the child inside of me. I feel like I’m finally acknowledging him and finally letting him shine through my eyes.

Recently, I re-bought the first Barbie I ever had growing up. Nichelle, a Generation Girl doll, from 1998. I can still remember the Christmas Santa had brought me her, along with another Barbie, and both Christina Aguilera and Britney Spears’s first albums on CD. I was so happy. I remember how I would play the cds loud in our house in Monroe, Washington and would imagine that those Barbies were singers on stage and I with them in my imagination. I must confess that I wanted to be everything Nichelle was. Beautiful, Black (I was already that 😉), and from the coolest place on earth, New York City. The world of play seemed to open up to me as a kid.

At some point, however, when I got my first bike, which had me equally excited, I can remember my dad wanting to take off the training wheels, much to my dismay. Truth be told, I was never good at accepting change and even at that age, I was not good at hiding my emotion. Dad wanted me to try riding without them so I gave it a shot. Like most kids, I was nervous and shaky. No matter how hard I tried, my balance was off and wobbly. I felt like an idiot and I could feel my dads boiling frustration, embarrassment and disappointment surfacing. Upon reflection, I think my dad really wanted a traditional, pig skin loving, all about wrestling son. Mind you, he already had that in my older brother, Gregory, who was all that and a bag of corn chips. Be that as it may, my dad tried hard to “man me up.” As you can probably guess by now, that didn’t work.

Exasperated and extremely over it, I ended up telling my dad that I had had enough bike riding (if you could call it that), and I can remember him just being so incredibly furious with me. He was so hellbent on me getting this right. The one thing all boys and girls can do. Ride a fucking bike without training wheels. He let me to go to my room and then when he followed me up the stairs, rage ensued. He barged into the room, his anger filling every inch of the room and with this rage, he took my Barbies, my dollhouse and believe it or not, ripped my Christina Aguilera poster off my door. I was left on the floor, crying, uncertain of what I truly did or what drove my dad to near madness.

That memory hasn’t left me and while mine and my dad’s relationship has mellowed over the years (which took more work than I care to write), I still felt like I never made amends with the kid in the picture on the right. I wanted to forget him so much because he was small, played with dolls and had this small voice. I didn’t want to reach him because he was different and didn’t know how to protect himself from the world or his dad. How could he?

As I’ve gotten older, with all of the hurdles I have faced, internal shame and insecurity were the seemingly insurmountable leaps I felt I couldn’t master. In my teens and early 20’s, I didn’t feel like I ever was 100 percent okay with being “me”. Even after finally coming to terms with my sexuality, I still felt ugly, unworthy, unloveable and no matter how hard I tried, I was left feeling I wasn’t good enough. That little boy, who was told he was too black, too girly and fat, grew into someone who believed all of those things. You wouldn’t think of it to look at me but even confidence can be a mask.

I am recognizing how much that kid is in me still. I want to protect him so much. I want to shower him with love. The world can be immensely cruel and all I want to do is hold him in my arms and remind him of how loved he is and will be. I want to make him aware of the energy he holds inside him. How he is going to be alright. It’s okay to be all of the things he wants to be. As of late, I feel these wounds healing through conversations with family, writing and escaping into books; expanding my mind, being constantly reminded I’m not alone.

Recently, when I saw the Barbie movie, all I kept thinking of was my first Barbie, Nichelle and how much I loved her. I wanted to low-key retrieve what was taken from me. So, I scoped Ebay and luckily found her. Actually, I found MANY versions of her, which was cool. When I clicked the order button, I felt myself get excited. She arrived yesterday and coming home from work, I slowly opened the package and saw those curls, I saw the overalls and beautiful black skin shining out at me. I was incredibly happy, just as I was when I was a kid. I placed her right next to a photo of my mom, who, even as a kid loved and protected me, no matter what.

I feel like I’m beginning to love me, genuinely. That kid in the photo; I have grown to hold onto that kid and love him for all he’s worth because he needs that. We all do as kids. We want to be loved for who we are and know that we aren’t wrong for loving the things we love so we can shine unashamedly. Allowing all the stardust inside us to burst out and shine. Just as we were created to do.

So, here’s to little Andy and his Barbie, Nichelle.

Reunited and it feels so good 😊

[rurpleplayssims]

“Let me settle up the bill and we can head back home” Noah said, before trying to wave over the nearest waiter-

-who was otherwise engaged.

Althea was seated quietly in a booth by herself.

It had been a very productive day and her mood had improved. She no longer blamed Thomas and she she saw more clearly where she had made mistakes. After her thoughts with herself the other day, she had in supporting her husband with his goal to cure himself. It wasn’t right for her to decide what he should do with his life, even if she was his wife. 

It wasn’t right and it wasn’t fair to Thomas.

The fact that Noah had proved beyond doubt that any offspring she and Thomas would have couldn’t inherit the zombie condition was a massive benefit.

But Althea still wasn’t ready to start trying for children, and she guessed Thomas wasn’t either. She sensed that Thomas was still down despite the good news. It didn’t feel like the right time to start a family when her husband was still trying to process all the emotions of coming to terms to possibly being cured. 

Especially as she had proposed a baby as her conditions during their row about the divorce offer she’d given him.

She shuddered in her seat as guilt curled up in her stomach and she closed her eyes, feel more ashamed of herself than she ever had in her life. I was such a fool, she thought sadly. Too confident, too sure of myself and I played right into my insecurities. 

Thomas will not be right until he’s cured, he won’t rest now until that happens. Maybe I can persuade Thomas to go see Matthew for a few sessions, she thought as she continued eating slowly, her mind not in the restaurant but at home, worrying about her husband. 

She sighed again as she paused eating, feeling exhausted and her fork clanging to the table. She put her head in her hands and breathed deeply in and out, trying not to cry. She wished so badly that she could take back all of what she’d said that night. She’d been wrong and she really wished that Thomas had confided in her before, so she could've been more understanding to him. 

Your feelings don’t matter here, she told herself firmly and managing to stifle the sobs before they started, and she composed herself. But what really matters most is Thomas’s happiness. I must do what it takes to right what I did, if that’s even possible. I will make amends to Thomas and not because I feel guilty, but because Thomas deserves nothing less. 

Althea’s mind settled and she picked up her fork and continued eating her meal, scolding herself. My guilt shouldn’t come into it, it should be about Thomas’s feelings, not mine.

[potatopossums]

honestly, as much as it might scare people, as much as it has hurt in the past to recognize (mostly from the standpoint of "no one will want to be around me / trust me / feel fulfilled by me") ——

i actually love being arospec.

i love how my attraction works (and how it doesn't). i love that i enjoy companionship. i love that i enjoy physical touch and exploration. i love that i enjoy snuggling and cuddling. i love that i have a capacity for these things without needing to call someone my partner in order to feel safe doing it. i love that i can explore affection and care and even love on my own terms, and I'm happy i think about these things because i wouldn't be me and I wouldn't be advocating for myself if i didn't think about this stuff. i love that these things are important to me.

i still have a ways to go before my insecurities are at a level that i can deal with. i still get scared and feel abandoned by people a lot when they don't understand my feelings or my words, when they're afraid to get close to me because of how i feel (and how i don't). i still feel the need to over-explain, to stretch myself to fit.

but despite that, and despite the horrible last couple of weeks I've had regarding this especially, I'm really glad I'm me. I'm glad i know what i want. I'm glad i know how I feel. I'm glad i can look at myself and at least know I'm doing my best. I'm glad I'm looking out for myself. I'm glad I'm experiencing emotions like anger and frustration and sadness and pain, even jealousy. because those things tell me what i want. they tell me who i am. and I'm glad i get to nurture those feelings and thoughts, even when it's really overwhelming and i feel hopeless about my future, even when I feel scared that I'll never get to feel closeness and vulnerability in a way that I'm comfortable with.

i know what i want right now, and what i want is a friend that I'm physically attracted to, but first and foremost is my friend emotionally. i want someone i can talk to, someone who can talk to me, someone who won't shut down on me and stop talking to me when things get scary or hard. i want someone with whom I can work together. i would love many friends like that, honestly. and i want someone who i can physically be around, at least sometimes. not all the time. but sometimes. if we work well together in a living situation, I'd love to live with them but it's not a requirement. i just like to be around the people i care about, and i like to be around them a lot. i enjoy sharing lots of little, mundane things with people. i enjoy leaning on people for emotional support and helping people out when i can. i enjoy playing games and being creative and making gifts for the people in my life. however that looks, that's what I want.

it sucks that you have to go through so many things you don't want just to arrive at knowing even more specifically what you do want. but here i am, and i guess I'm alive. maybe not up to the energy level I'd like to be, but I'm here, and I'm trying.

[miguenhasthoughts]

07/15

My relationship to being open about my worries is not healthy. I’ve had been in a long term relationship where I had to minimize my feelings because they don’t have the emotional stability to not catastrophize any inconvenience. Not to mention growing up in a household where I had to be my mother’s rock while she was being abused by my dad. I’ve always been that trusted friend to handle other peoples shit so I just grew to minimize any feelings I had as the the default setting. When I dated Micah, they took notice to my learned behavior and tried to pull me out of that behavior. Maybe it took me too long to open up, maybe I opened up too much and used up their kindness by having them be the pillow I cry into. They ghosted me so I’ll never know for sure. Yet it feels like the gates raised after their departure. I tried opening up and it hurt me. And I know that’s not healthy yet it’s hard not to be insecure.

Yesterday I was really emotional and I was shaking at work. I couldn’t get my mind off current events. To my future. Sam was not someone I could talk to without feeling like I would just start feeling worse. I told May that I was down and she took initiative to comfort me and letting me know they wanted to be closer to me. It felt nice yet I still can’t help being insecure about putting too much on another person. Especially someone I have a lot of respect for and is super strong in my opinion. I guess my biggest fear is being the change in someone for the worse.

Beyond that I have been really vibing with May, they are so open and caring. They have been keeping me active this summer, with new experiences. We have been spending my days off together. They like staying over and we go shopping and cooking for each other. Finding recipes and foods and snacks we both like. Getting through shows throughout the day and we started playing stardew valley together, she’s been holding my hand through it. She matches my freak with vocal stimming, making faces to catch the other off guard, it doesn’t take either of us long to ruin a moment by trying to make the other laugh, usually on the same beat.

I truly believe if my healthcare gets taken away, they would still see me and treat me as a woman and it’s a comforting thought during a hard time.

[archivesofjules]

Bury me in a Garden of Peonies (draft)

Is it weird or just sad that if there is a chance that If I die young I wanted things o to finally go on my own terms? I’ve been compliant all my life and for once I wanted my burial to be my own. So as crazy as this sounds, to whoever finds this account of mine listen up. Here are my conditions once I go to the other side:

1. I want everything to be white. The dress I get to wear should be with long and the sleeves (long) should be in chiffon (?) lol idk what it’s name it as long as its soft. My shoes I wanted it to be glass slippers/sandals/heels because I want to feel like a princess. I want my make up to be as simple as possible (korean style) and please please please make sure that my acne is concealed! I’ve been insecure about them my whole life that when I pass I wanted to feel pretty. For the hair, I want to show my real curves. my wavy hair...

2. I want my wake to be only 5 days... I know everyone is busy so let’s just make it quick and easy for everyone. I don’t want to be a nuisance.

3. I want my best friends (Cy and Mazhie) to share to everyone what kind of person I am. Sila kasi ang nakaka alam ng mga deepest thoughts ko. How scared and anxious I am all the time. How much I care about the people around me and how much of a people pleaser I am. as much as I dgaf there is still a part of me who wants to be accepted, who wants to be admired. How much I don’t want to disappoint a lot of people to the point I would sacrifice even my own happiness for the people I care for. Matapang ako at malakas but deep inside I know one small push my heart shatters every damn time. It was not easy for me to show weakness, emotions and pain but not a lot of people know how scared I am. Sometimes I show nonchalance as my form of defense mechanism, kasi natatakot talaga ako.

4. Jai. my lil brother. I am sorry for not loving you as much as our parents wanted me to love you. But I want you to know that Ate cares for you so much. I am sorry for not being showy and awkward for most of the time but I want you to know that there was never a day that I didn’t pray to the Lord how much I wanted Him to heal you, no matter how impossible it is I am still praying for you and our family. Casey i’m sorry but it looks like you and pia will be the Ate from now own. Please wag niyo pababayaan si Jai and your Kuya Pjay and Dannie.

5. Mommy and Daddy. I am sorry. I am sorry for leaving so soon. I love you both so much. I have fought hard. I tried. But I guess I wanted to meet Ate Yana as well. I want you guys to know that I have always wanted to have a love like yours. I hope to have a person to love like you dad. You have always been my ideal guy. One of my most precious memory in my entire life was you fetching me everyday at school and you lying next to me telling me the best bedtime stories. It was not the fairytale ones but my favorite will always be “ANg pamilya ISmid” and “Ang Planeta Pakaskas”. Mommy, I know aso’t pusa tayo lagi pero ikaw ang isa sa mga reason kung bakit ako nagpupursigi. kasi gusto ko iparanas lahat ng mga ipinagkait sayo nung kabataan mo. Gusto ko ako ang magbibigay nun sayo kasi sobra kitang mahal at deserve mo lahat ng iyon. Im sorry if I disappoint you all the time and for not meeting your standards but I am trying and I want you to understand that I am my own person too. I am not you. You were the bond that glued our family together. I hope to be as strong as you. Nakita ko kung pano ka nagpaka tatag para sa pamilya mo kaya kahit na maaga nawala sayo si mama hinding hindi ka sumuko.

6. Music. I don’t want a dry funeral. I want one that would make everyone happy. I would probably make a playlist of all the songs that I want to be played at my wake and at my funeral. Dear friends just check my spotify account for the playlist.

7. I’ve always wanted to be reincarnated as the wind in my next life, bacause I wanted to be free. I wanted to be buried on a windy day, not too cold, not too humid, but a windy one. And instead of the usual butterflies and balloons (kalat lang) I want bubbles on my funeral, and I want everyone to have paper windmills. I want them to take it home after the funeral, so that whenever they are having a hard time and that windmill spins, I want them to feel that I am with them in spirit and I would always be there to guide them and support them.

8. My dearest Loey, If I leave you earlier I want you to know that you’ve been my comfort ever since. You know when momma is having a hard time and you never left me when I’m having anxiety attacks. If my parents can’t take care of him, Cy and Cj, please take him and take good care of my child...

9. tbc

[castleclerics]

byler have already been romantically involved theory

(or kissed or had little moments but regardless they’re both too scared to speak of it again)

gonna be adding on to my headcannon about mike and will kissing before but the audience not knowing yet which i’m starting to think could be possible.

let’s start with the rain fight scene

one of the first times i ever watched it (a few days after s3 for ref) i literally thought some lines implied that they’ve had a thing before/kissed. and this was only when i knew will was gay i never even considered him liking mike at this point or them ever being together which is super interesting. so, going off my very first instinct of this scene i’m gonna break it down.

first off watching this scene with this perspective in mind kind of makes so much sense it feels like everything falls into place. also realizing this is just another part of their miscommunication trope.

“—so you can swap spit with some stupid girl?”

will thought they were on the same page in their relationship which is why he’s so confused as to why mike wants to do nothing but makeout with el all the time. he thought they were in this together even if they unofficially were together romantically.

“it’s not my fault you don’t like girls”

mike basically saying “it’s not my fault you didn’t move on from that one time we kissed. i moved on you were supposed to too, i’m not actually gay that was me just experimenting i’m not actually gay like you, you got the wrong idea” his insecurities are showing, he’s trying to keep on a normal not gay path, (even though we all know he’s never stopped liking will) probably because him being vulnerable with will before freaked him out because he realized his feelings for him we’re all too real.

will’s face captures a huge range of emotions but i do remember thinking there was an element of disbelief. especially in terms that he couldn’t believe mike was leaving him alone in all of this and that now he has to go through his queerness and love for his friend alone, when mike possibly told him otherwise.

“but we’re not kids anymore”

possibly implying that them kissing or showing their feelings for one another was just a “kid thing” and now since they’re growing up more will should be on the same page as him.

“i mean what did you think really? that we were never gonna get girlfriends? that we were just gonna sit in my basement and play games for the rest of our lives?”

who wants to bet mike and will agreed at some point that this would be their life together, hence why it’s talked about so much in the show. but now mike is backtracking. and that’s why will goes “yeah, i guess i did. i really did.” as in “i did because you’re the one who TOLD me this is how it would be for us” especially with his passive aggressive facial expression which completely explains why he would make that face and why the delivery of that line implied they’ve discussed before that this is what they both wanted, or something along those lines. it honestly doesn’t make much sense if it’s not because of this. also damn this has strong brokeback vibes. like they literally reflect the character’s struggles i’m convinced they definitely got inspo from this scene https://youtu.be/KVK6yLqY54w

like i said in my headcanon, the roller rink argument is also really telling. from the panic in mike’s voice and face when he says “what” to will straight up asking what they are to mike’s “we’re friends! we’re friends.” again, mike being like “god stop getting the wrong idea also stop digging so deep i’m trying to appear straight and you’re ruining it for me.”

now let’s look at their POVS in s4 quickly:

the first couple times mike talks about el to will it seems pretty normal but after that it’s almost like he’s testing the waters, to see will’s reaction, trying to gage if will feels anything for him at all anymore especially after their fights even though they made up. and since will keeps pushing for mike to be with el he’s convinced he has nothing there for him anymore.

will thinks he has a chance of something more being there between them again when he grabs the painting because they literally just flirted, but will slowly realizes over the roadtrip that mike is still hung up on el. that’s why he was selfless because he for the final time gets confirmation that mike doesn’t have any feelings whatsoever for him anymore. maybe that’s why it’s extra painful because they we’re so close to actually being together at one point but now will thinks he’s just lost that forever.

here’s when they flirt for ref. also just wanna say the way mike says and emphasizes “best friends” sounds like he’s implying something more lmao. also i’ve always thought it was interesting how they both are literally comfortable with flirting with each other and now i’m realizing if i’m right about this theory it’s because they’ve done it before. it’s like they’re used to it. we as an audience just don’t know that yet.

so, with all this in mind, what if when they actually confess it’s less of a “i’ve loved you this whole time” and more of a “i never stopped loving you.” LIKEEE

it also just feels like we’re purposefully left out of the loop of something more happening between them like if you watch all their scenes with that perspective it feels extremely plausible.

feel free to add onto this i’m curious if any of you can catch anything else i haven’t said i’ve been theorizing about other stuff for days on end my brain is mush at this point 😭😭 this is also one of my less srs theories and i haven’t checked for holes either bc honestly i cannot be bothered to think anymore about this theory but still !!