#me and my mate have been going through our vids and she was just like ‘we’re very… enthusiastic’ bc it’s just us BELTING in each of them

[hella1975]

👹LEAVE AMERICA👹

[baejax-the-great]

Pillow Talk

Late night conversations between two friends who happen to be sleeping together.

Chapter 2 | M | 935 words | Shepard x Garrus

Garrus rested his head in his hand, elbow digging into Shepard’s bizarrely large pillow. “Shepard, our first time together… are you really saying you hadn’t watched any vids beforehand?”

Nadia grinned. “Do I hear you implying that I’m good in bed, Vakarian?”

He rolled his eyes. “I’m Garrus Vakarian, and this is the best lay on the Normandy,” he replied in a sing-song voice. She laughed and rolled over onto her side to face him, the sheet falling away to expose her bare chest. “But seriously. Most people, when faced with… unfamiliar, uh—” he gestured uselessly in the air “— equipment… take a little longer to figure out what to do with it.”

“My proficiency scores in tech, firearms, and miscellaneous have always been above satisfactory.” He shouldn’t be surprised. He wasn’t surprised. But Nadia raised an eyebrow. “Why, wondering if I’ve bedded a turian before?”

He hadn’t been, but now he was thinking it. “Uhh…”

“I’ll admit it, sleeping with Nihlus was a surprise.”

Garrus choked. “What?”

Nadia cackled and gave his hip a quick shove. “Relax. I think I said ten words to the guy, and nine of them were hostile.”

For a turian, that did not rule out sexual attraction. Possibly not for Nadia, either. No, definitely not for Nadia. Weird to think that but for a few chance events, he might have been watching Nihlus spend months flirting with her instead of Liara. Might have clued him into a few things a bit earlier. Garrus swallowed.

“You’re my first turian,” she assured him with a kiss to his forehead.

Why did she make it sound like there would be a second?

Not that that should bother Garrus. She could do whatever she wanted. They hadn’t exactly set terms for this, whatever this was. A one-night stand that turned into a week. An ongoing experiment in stress-relief when every day was a firefight. A way better sleeping arrangement than that human bunk on deck three.

Nadia inhaled deeply and held it a moment before carefully saying, “Despite the rumors, I didn’t sleep with anyone on the SR-1.”

“Huh.” Ashley had been certain Shepard was sleeping with Liara. Talked about it at length. A little too invested in it, as far as Garrus could tell, not that he ever discouraged the conversation. Maybe he even analyzed all the so-called evidence she provided, tucked it away somewhere like a little police-case in his head, documenting any suspicious behavior between them. Didn’t tell Ash his findings, but wasn’t disappointed when Tali asked her to elaborate on human mating customs.

“Did you?” she asked.

“What? No.”

“No one you had your eye on?”

“I was too busy staring at Saren’s wanted poster.” Shepard snorted. “Nah. It, uh, didn’t occur to me.”

“You might have been the only one focused on the mission, then. Some of the crew got pretty… forward.”

“Like who?” Garrus asked, as if he hadn’t catalogued every instance of Liara’s hand brushing Shepard’s on Noveria.

“Alenko.” Garrus blanched. “Yeah, I didn’t see that one coming, either,” she continued. “He’s a pretty by-the-book kind of guy, and Alliance regs are clear. You don’t sleep with someone under your command on your ship. Once you hit shore leave, maybe, but you keep it under the radar and hope the brass doesn’t see you. Anyway, I felt bad turning him down. Not because I was interested, but because there must have been feelings involved for him to want to break regs in the first place.”

That would help explain some of what happened on Horizon, Garrus supposed. Though, he couldn’t help but notice Shepard was flagrantly violating regs now and what her own logic had to say about that. He cleared his throat. “Are the Alliance regs for anyone on the ship? Or do hired vigilantes get a pass?”

“I’m not Alliance anymore. If Cerberus has regs—” Nadia shrugged “—Fuck ‘em.”

“Can’t argue with that,” he replied. Though it didn’t answer his question of whether there were feelings here. Treading the waters of interspecies romance was muddy enough, and Garrus wasn’t that great of a swimmer. He might have liked some clarity on the matter. Or a life vest, if he wanted to get his metaphor right.

Unfortunately, Shepard had already moved on. “To get back to the beginning of this conversation,” she said, a finger crawling toward a sensitive divot between plates, “I did watch vids, hours of them. They just weren’t the sexy ones.”

He cleared his throat again watching her little hand work. “What kind of vids?”

“Human versus turian combat, hand-to-hand basics for interstellar marines, non-human pressure points and how to access them…” She stroked the sensitive skin that turians could only ever reach with their talons. Weird to have soft, warm pressure there. Weird and good.

“How did that, uh… how did that help?” he asked.

She leaned up and pressed her lips to the unarmored skin of his neck. “I figured the softest, weakest spots on the body were probably the most sensitive,” she breathed over him.

Shit if she wasn’t right.

“You used the same skills from hand-to-hand combat to sleep with me?”

“I applied tactical knowledge to a novel non-combat situation.” Garrus rolled his eyes, even as he felt his blood pulsing in response to her ministrations. Shepard kissed his neck again. “And I thought you marked me above satisfactory. Maybe even excellent. Best lay in the Normandy?”

He stared her down, a long slow breath through his nose. “I think I’m going to need another assessment of your skills, Commander.”

Nadia grinned. “You’re on.”

[all-my-love-for-harry]

Make the day better.

summary: Y/N's son turns five and Harry doesn't know what to give him.

word count: 2.5k

Based on these requests:

"could you do artemis first bday with harry or christmas??"

and

"Love your writing. I have a request please, celebrating a birthday, could be Y/N, Harry or Artemis birthday"

and

"Can you do a blurb in the single mom series where Artemis is watching videos on YouTube but he sees harry in his 1d days and watches those vids and Artemis really likes and thinks one of the 1d boys are cool and stuff so harry does stuff to make Artemis happy, like maybe call that member or something? Sorry if it's trash I don't mind if you just throw it in the bin😂"

and

“I have an idea! For my shy little boy, could you do something about the moment that makes Harry realize he wants to keep y/n and Artemis forever and decides he’s going to marry her and hopefully adopt the little boy one day? Love your writing!!”

you can find more of my shy little boy here

a/n: saw these pictures and immediately thought about our little family. enjoy!

𓆝 𓆟 𓆞𓆝 𓆟 𓆞𓆝 𓆟 𓆞

December, 2018.

Artemis has discovered something new.

He has discovered old videos from Harry from when he was in the band. At first, he was confused as to why Harry wasn’t alone in the videos he watched like in the ones he was used to see. So Artemis did what always did when he was confused: ask.

Conveniently, Harry was invited to dinner at their house, and the first thing Artemis did when he crossed the door, was tell him. “Harry, I saw you on the TV!”

“You did? Did I look good?” He asked cheekily, sitting next to him on the sofa.

“Watch!” He turned on the television and pointed to it.

Harry chuckled when he saw his young self in the Best Song Ever music video along with the rest of his former band mates. “That’s you!” He said excitedly, clapping with his small hands.

“Yeah, buddy. I was in a band before.” Harry was happy Artemis seemed interested.

“What’s his name?” He asked, pointing one of the guys.

“The blonde one?” Harry questioned, receiving a nod from the small boy beside him. “That’s Niall.”

“He’s so cool.” He commented, kicking his legs back and forth on the couch. “He does music like you?” He asked.

“Yes, he does, mate.”

“He’s my favorite.” He decided.

“Oi! I am supposed to be your favorite!” He pretended to be offended, taking him in his arms and tickling him and making him let out a belly laugh.

“Stop! Stop!” He said in between giggles. “Harry, I’m gonna pee!”

“Say I’m your favorite.”

“You’re… you are… I can’t talk!” He laughed again and Harry stopped but didn’t let him go. “You’re my favorite, Harry.”  

Harry smiled, pleased with himself for getting the validation from an almost five year old. “Go wash up, it's almost dinner time." Artemis ran to the bathroom in the hallway as Harry walled towards the kitchen where Y/N was.

"I was a little behind but it's ready now."

"I'd help you, but you banned me from the kitchen the second i got in." The curly-haired man wrapped his hands from behind around Y/N's waist, resting his chin on her shoulder.

"It was because Artemis has been wanting to tell you he saw the band on the TV all afternoon." She giggled, putting the knife down and turning around to face him. "He asked why your hair looked weird."

"Wha'?" He asked, his accent getting noticeably thicker. "What was wrong with me hair?"

"He didn't like the long haired look." She passed a hand through his now much shorter curls.

"And apparently Niall's his favorite, can you believe?" Harry asked in a fake offended tone.

"Artemis likes blondes because he has blonde hair, kid's logic."

"Should i dye mine?" Harry's tone now was playful, grabbing a couple of his curls.

"Please, no."

𓆝 𓆟 𓆞𓆝 𓆟 𓆞

A week after dinner, Harry was scrolling down his phone desperately, trying to find the perfect gift for Artemis.

He had invited Harry to his birthday party, and although he was nervous to meet the rest of Y/N's relatives, he was more excited to spend this day with his girlfriend and her son. It would be the first time he was there to celebrate Artemis' birthday, so he wanted it to be perfect.

And a perfect day required the perfect gift.

He just didn't know what to buy. "Doesn't he like Legos? Buy him a set." Mitch said, trying to help. They were currently in a break from a writing session and almost everyone was out to get food.

"There isn't a set he doesn't have." Harry groaned, running out of options.

"What else does he like?"

"Books, robots, music..." He paused, suddenly getting an idea. "He likes music!"

"Buy him an instrument or something." Harry rolled his eyes, letting out a he's five to Mitch. "So?! Better start them young."

"Perhaps. But for now i think i have the perfect idea." Mitch looked confused, but Harry’s smile only grew bigger.

He wrapped up the session early and called a friend to see if they could catch up while having some drinks. His right leg shocked in anticipation, looking around trying to find that one familiar face he hasn’t seen in a while.

“Styles!” Harry smiled at that unmistakably Irish accent. “It’s been so long!” The pair hugged each other.

“Far too long. How have you been?” They took a seat on the table Harry was previously sitting on.

“Pretty great actually, tour ended a little while ago but stills feels very fresh.” He sighed. “What about you? Heard you’re dating someone.” Niall sent him a smirk, wiggling his eyebrows playfully.

Harry breathed a laugh, touching the bridge of his nose. “I am, met her at the beginning of the year. Her name is Y/N.”

“Look at you, you’re blushing!”

“Stop it!” Harry giggle, followed by Niall. “She has a kid, he’s great. They’re great.”

“I’m happy for you, H.” The blonde man gave him a genuine smile. “Is it serious?”

“Pretty much. So Artemis, Y/N’s son, is turning five next Saturday and I’ve been trying to get him the perfect gift.”

“Any luck so far?”

“Not really.” He shook his head. “That’s why I wanted to talk to you.”

“How can I help?” He readjusted himself on his seat.

“Well, I wanted to ask you a favor.” He paused. “The other day he found the band and said, for some reason, you were his favorite.”

“Ooh, and that how made you feel?” Niall teased him, knowing he didn’t like to be second in anything, especially talking about his girlfriend’s son.

“Delightful, next question.” He rolled his eyes playfully and Niall let out a big laugh.

“So want do you want me to do then?”

“Are you free next Saturday?”

𓆝 𓆟 𓆞𓆝 𓆟 𓆞

Niall's appearance was a surprise, even for Y/N. He'd arrive later than Harry, just in time to sing happy birthday to Artemis. In the meantime Harry had to make sure everything else was perfect.

He was in charge to pick the cake up from the shop before heading to Y/N's mums' house. He already knew Ally and Ella, and they seemed to really like him so he felt a little less nervous.

Y/N told him a bunch of her friends were gonna be there, including Adam and his family so that was also nice. Harry wasn't very familiar with all of her friends but from what she always tells him, they're good people who care for her and Artemis.

Harry didn't have a key or anything so he knocked the door with one hand while holding the cake with the other. Ella opened the door, grinning at him right away. "Harry! It's so good to see you, love."

"Likewise, Ella." The woman pinched Harry's cheeks before letting him in. "Where should I put this?"

"In the kitchen! There's kids running around and we don't want them to drop the cake."

He did what she said and walked towards the kitchen, finding Ally decorating some cupcakes. "What do you think?" She took one out of the plate and showed it to him.

"Looks great. You've been practicing with the fondant." The cupcakes had a little whale on top of them, made with blue fondant.

"I made turtles, whales, crabs... Oh! Look at this little octopus!" Ally was so excited every single decoration turned out perfect, as her designated was getting the pastries done. "Y/N's changing Artemis's clothes in the guest room if you want to go upstairs with them."

He nodded, heading out of the kitchen and taking a quick look to the backyard. There were some people sitting on tables and a couple of children running around, but no one he knew so he listened to Ally and went up to look for his loves.

He knocked the door and heard Y/N say 'come in!' so that's what he did. "Harry!" Artemis exclaimed, trying to run towards him but Y/N stopped him.

"Stay still, baby. I'm trying to tie your shoes." She was knelt down in front of him, putting his shoes on. “Hi, honey.” She looked up at Harry as he bent down to give her a little peck on her lips.

“How’s the birthday boy?” Harry sat next to him on the bed and wrapped his arms around him gently.

“Did you see everyone, Harry? They’re here for me!” He said excitedly. He might be say, but he sure as hell likes the attention of his loved ones.

Harry chuckled, messing up his hair a little. “Happy birthday, mate. Couldn’t wait until it was time to open the rest of the presents, so here’s mine.” He handed him a small box wrapped nicely with a bow on the top.

Artemis took it excitedly and was about to tear the wrapping paper apart but Y/N took his hand gently. “What do we say to Harry, darling?”

“Thank you, Harry!” Artemis threw himself at the older man. “Can I open it?”

“Of course, it’s yours.” Artemis offered him a toothy smile, opening the box. Inside there was a package of professional colors, there was one in every shade. “I know how much you like your color books, and these are the best colors ever.”

“Wow, thank you, Harry. I love them.” The small boy hugged him one more time. “Look, mummy!”

“I see, they’re so pretty.”

Artemis hugged Harry once more before hopping off the bed. “Can I go with nana Ally now?”

“Yes, but leave your gift here, okay?” He nodded before handing his mum the box and running out of the room and off to find his nana. “Did you seriously buy professional colors to a five year old?” She asked with a smile, shaking her head in disbelief.

“What? He loves to paint.”

“Thank you.” Y/N said, kissing Harry’s cheek. “It was very sweet of you.”

Harry gave her a dimpled smile. “You look stunning, love.” Y/N was wearing a long, white summer dress with little sunflowers on it, paired with some heels.

“So do you.” She gave him another kiss. “Let’s go, I’ll introduce you to everyone.”

Going around greeting everyone, Harry had a hold on his phone all the time making sure Niall had the right address to get there in time. Y/N’s mums made a perfect job decorating the backyard, there were balloons everywhere and the tables had different marine animals on the center.

Artemis loved the ocean a lot, considering he lived in London and there wasn’t many beaches to go, he liked watching pictures and documentaries of it. So Y/N thought that instead of taking him to the ocean, she brought the ocean to him.

“Harry, sweetie, would you take the cake out of the fridge and bring it to the table?”

He nodded and went inside again. At the same time he was crossing the door, someone rang the doorbell so Harry went straight to open it, eager for Niall to arrive. “Didn’t want to show up empty handed so I bought the lad a little something. It’s a train set.” Niall said as soon as Harry opened the door.

“I’m glad you made it, mate.” They hugged and Harry closed the door behind them. “We’re about to cut the cake, he’ll be so happy to meet you.”

Harry was so excited for this surprise, ever since Artemis ‘discovered’ his band, he’s been obsessed with Niall so the curly-haired man couldn’t wait to see the look in Artemis’ face when he sees the blonde man walking into his party. He grabbed the cake before leading Niall outside where everyone was.

Y/N was the first one to notice the new man walking in, and her eyes grew wider when she recognized him. She walked towards them with a confused smile on her face. “Harry?”

“You must be Y/N.” The Irish man said with a grin. “Hope it’s okay that I’m here.”

“Uh, yeah. It’s great. Nice to meet you.” She offered him her hand for him to shake.

“I brought Niall to surprise Artemis.” Harry said proudly.

“Oh my, he’s going to be so happy, let me bring him over here.” Y/N went off to find her son. She’d never expect Harry to actually bring Niall for Artemis but it was a very sweet, thoughtful thing. “Honey, come here. There’s someone who wants to meet you.”

The five year old stopped running and walked towards his mum to take her hand and let her lead him to where Niall and Harry were. When he spotted Niall, he got all shy and hid behind her legs, like he always did when he got nervous.

Niall noticed it and crunched down to his eye level. “Hi, bud. A little bird told me you liked my music.” Artemis looked at him with big doe eyes, curious to know what was in the box Niall was holding. “Happy birthday, mate.” He handed him the gift and Artemis shyly took it from him.

“Thank you, sir.”

“Oh my god, he’s adorable.” Niall said, looking up to Y/N and Harry. “Call me Niall, okay? It’s nice to meet you, buddy.”

Artemis finally smiled at him, letting go of the hold he had on his mum’s dress. He came closer to Niall and started talking, Y/N and Harry looked at each other as she took one of his hands in hers to intertwine their fingers.

It was time to cute the cake and Artemis was stood on a chair behind it with Y/N by his side and everyone around him. She motioned Harry to come stand with them and he gladly did so. They sang happy birthday to Artemis and the boy had a big, toothy smile on his face the whole time.

Eventually the guests started to leave, but Artemis didn’t let Niall go before giving him a big, tight hug before making him promise they’d see each other again. Just before all the guests left, Artemis fell asleep and Harry had to take him upstairs to the room Y/N’s mums had for him. When he came down again, everyone was gone and his girlfriend was just finishing picking up some things outside so he went out to help her.

“Did you see how happy he was the whole day?” She said.

“Yeah, he enjoyed it.”

“It was really thoughtful of you to bring Niall, you know?” Y/N walked towards him and wrapped her arms around his waist. “He was very excited for it.”

“It was my pleasure, love to see him smile.”

“Thank you.” She told him, cupping his face with her hands.

“For what?”

“Today was good, but you definitely made it better. So thank you.”

Harry smiled happily before leaning down to capture her lips on a sweet kiss, making her smile against his lips. It was good to finally feel he belonged somewhere, and slowly started to feel they were becoming his own family. He’d never deny the way his heart skipped a beat every time Artemis laughed, or when Y/N smiled. Harry found himself wanting to be forever there for the two of them, for every single birthday, anniversary, everything.

He was in love not only with Y/N but with Artemis too, and he knew that feeling was never gonna go away.

☁☁☁☁☁☁☁☁☁☁☁☁

taglist!!

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[aricazorel]

I was tagged by @ripley95 for Fic Flashback Friday. Thank you!

Messages is a story I wrote a couple of years ago about Kora (Kori) Reese but only began posting it on AO3 in March 2020. It centered around the idea of a female character being part of the original Normandy crew and developing a relationship with Kaidan Alenko. While it actually takes place during the months before the beginning of Mass Effect 3, it details some of their relationship during ME1 and 2 and how they went from crew mates to friends to lovers to ex-flames. and eventually getting back together. I've since written a sequel called Broken Road and a plethora of prompts about their relationship.

I am a huge F!Shenko fan but the idea of Kori kept popping up whenever I went to write Mas Effect. I know first hand that Kaidan is not the most popular romance in the fandom (sometimes problematic for some people even) and pairing him with an OC that is not Shepard almost ensures your story is never going to be a popular one. But they have found an audience with some people and I'm happy with that. I write for me and if you happen to like it too, awesome.

So to introduce Kori and Kaidan here is Chapter 5 of Messages in its entirety. Or you can read Messages from the beginning here on AO3.

Tuesday June 27, 2186 CE, Vancouver-Seattle megaplex, Earth

Reese glanced around the café Kaidan had suggested they meet at. It was in the commercial district of the Vancouver-Seattle megaplex and very busy. It had taken her 25 minutes just to get to the café and make sure it was the right one after the air taxi had dropped her off. She hated crowds almost as much as Kaidan did, but he had insisted they had the best cappuccinos in the city. He had grown up there so he must know. At least she hoped…

She sat at a table for two in the corner waiting for the Major to appear. He was usually the one early and she late but not this time. The Lt. Cmdr. was starting to wonder if he had begun to have second thoughts; she had. But she still came.

Reese glanced at the chrono on her omni-tool. Fifteen minutes late. Did she call him? Message him? Leave a note with the waiter? Just leave and forget about the whole thing?

She let out a frustrated growl as she propped her forehead against her hand. Could things possibly get more complicated? Suddenly her omni-tool signaled that she had a message. Sighing she opened it up guessing it was a ‘sorry couldn’t make it’ text. The holo screen popped up and read, “Look up.”

Frowning the tech glanced up to find a tee shirt and blue jean clad Kaidan Alenko standing before her. He smiled down at her as he held onto a black leather jacket slung over his shoulder. “Hey there.”

“Hey yourself,” she replied as she scooted the opposite chair out for him with her foot. “You’re late, Alenko.”

“Would you believe traffic?” he asked hopefully as he eyed her own outfit. She wore a pair of jeans too but sported a blue tank top covered by a fitted jean jacket. The sentinel’s appreciative gaze was not lost on her.

She decided to give him a break and replied, “I’ll believe you. It took me a while too.”

An expression of relief appeared on his face as he asked, “Thanks. Have you ordered anything?”

“No. That would have been rude,” Reese replied with a smile as she noticed Kaidan was still ‘taking in the view.’ “Is there something I can help you with, Major? You seem to be concentrating very hard on something…”

Kaidan’s face instantly turned red as he cleared his throat. “I, umm, couldn’t help but notice how amazing you look…”

She cocked an eyebrow as she brought up the virtual menu. “Thank you.”

“You’re welcome,” he said as he started looking at the screen. After a moment he glanced back at her and asked, “So you’re not going to hit me?”

Reese snorted and said, “No, I’m not going to hit you, you big baby.”

Kaidan began to protest the name-calling and she added softly, “You were being nice…”

“It was more than being nice, Reese. I meant it. You look beautiful,” he said sincerely as he watched her play with her hair. She wore the long dark locks in a loose side pony tail. Her hair was nearly down to her waist now. Three years ago it had only been to just below her shoulders.

Kaidan grinned as he realized as much as things had changed many things had stayed the same. They sat in silence for several long minutes, each keying in their orders. Finally, after the menu disappeared, she said, “You’re looking good too, Kaidan. Actually it’s given several of the girls I work with plenty of gossip fodder.”

He looked at her closely and said, “You’re…embarrassed. Aren’t you?”

“I didn’t say that,” the tech denied without looking him in the eye.

“You didn’t have to. Everything else did,” he replied with a smirk. “Kora Reese is actually embarrassed.”

“No and don’t use that name,” she snapped.

Kaidan held up his hand in surrender. “Okay. Fine. You’re uncomfortable then, Lt. Cmdr. But why?”

“Kaidan…”

“Don’t Kaidan me. We’ve been talking for months and now I find out you’re uncomfortable. Embarrassed more likely and I’m the cause of it,” Alenko snapped as he slumped against the back of his chair.

“No, that’s not it…I just…I’ve never liked people knowing my business I guess,” Reese replied quietly. “I’m not…They’ve seen me talking to you on the vid chat and I got used to working alone except Tali…and she doesn’t tease…a lot…I just don’t—I didn’t mean—“

“Reese, you’re rambling,’ Alenko said calmly, his own annoyance subsiding.

She looked at him with cloudy grey eyes. “I don’t want to fight, Kaidan. I just want to…spend time with you, get to know you again.”

“I want that too, Reese,” he replied reaching across the table with an opened hand.

She looked into his whiskey colored eyes and then at his hand. Smiling she took it and said, “It’s a step.”

“Baby steps, remember?” he said as their order arrived.

She nodded. Maybe old wounds could heal…

~~

“So is this the end of our ‘coffee’ date then?” Kaidan asked as he kicked the pavement with his boot.

“Well, technically yes, but I…it’s doesn’t really have to be…” Reese replied slowly as she looked at his boot. He did look really good out of uniform…

Alenko snapped his head up to look at the Lt. Cmdr. in surprise. “What does that mean?”

She looked up shyly at him. “I…I’m not exactly sure but I don’t think I want to end our date just yet.”

“Reese, I don’t want to push—“

“Kaidan, you were never able to push me into anything…except maybe a wall and that lead to other things…” she interrupted and then trailed off as soon as she remembered what she was saying.

The Major hesitantly reached for her hand and offered, “We could go somewhere else. It’s still light out. There’s a park…and a beach but that’s too far—“

“We’ve been to a park and I’m not going to the beach without a swim suit,” she replied as he started to withdraw his hand.

“We could go back to one of our places…” she added as she grabbed his hand.

“Reese, I’m not sure that’s…”

“Kaidan, if you don’t want to—“

“Oh no, Reese, I didn’t say that. It’s just…after everything…”

“Kaidan, we both said we wanted another chance, but we have to be able to take hold of it…”

Suddenly she found herself pulled into Kaidan’s strong embrace, one hand wrapped tightly around her waist, the other cradling the base of her head. She felt his five o’clock shadow graze her face as he lightly kissed her cheek. Reese found herself returning the embrace without hesitation and sighed.

After what seemed like an eternity, Kaidan whispered into her ear, “We’re drawing attention, Kori.”

She pulled away and looked around. Apparently the passersby had nothing better to do than stare, but Reese thought that she heard Kaidan’s name repeated several times. She snorted and said softly, “I think you’ve got a fanbase, Major.”

He looked around more closely himself and retorted, “Maybe they like the hot chick I’m with.”

“Don’t call me a chick, techboy,” she cautioned as he began leading her by the hand away towards an air taxi call point.

“I love it when you’re bossy,” Kaidan said as he signaled for a taxi.

She laughed and replied, “Patience, techboy, patience.”

~~

Alenko woke up in an unfamiliar place on an unfamiliar couch with something warm next to him. He blinked back the sleep and glanced beside him. He found Reese spooned up against him, her head resting on his shoulder, her hair spilling across his chest. He reached down and caressed her check. They had fallen asleep at her apartment watching old 20th century movies.

She stirred slightly and then smiled. “Kaid.”

He couldn’t help but smile at the use of her nick name for him. He leaned over and kissed her forehead. “I’m here, Kori.”

“Don’t leave,” she said sleepily, curling up to him.

He couldn’t decide if she was awake or not. He wasn’t sure what to say. Everything had been so jumbled and then he’d run into her by chance and now here he was on her couch with her. Instead he settled for hugging her tightly to his chest as he ran a hand through her long dark hair. He had missed playing with the long-tangled tresses. The few times they had truly been alone he had even brushed it for her which usually led to something else. He’d never admit to anyone how much of a thing he had for her long hair, but it wasn’t like it was a secret to her.

As he continued to play with her wavy locks, she stirred again. This time she opened her eyes and smiled at him. Her grey eyes were calm and content as she placed a hand on his cheek. “You stayed.”

“Yeah,” he said simply with a grin meant only for her.

“Thank you.”

“You’re welcome.”

[jaggedwolf]

TSCOSI Ficlets #3

Ghost of your loved ones judging your choices

Three hours after that headache-inducing call with the Rumor, Violet's still working. Their answer had come soon after the call ended. She's not sure what the point of the delay even was. But like Thasia said, they're in no position to refuse help.

Small chance of success. Doesn't mean Violet won't pull on the webs she can, thread some others together. She keeps typing. Hadn't she-

"You should sleep."

Violet's fingers still. She reluctantly drags her head up to acknowledge this occasional guest.

In life, Emily Craddock had been a wisp of a woman. In death, it makes her a picture-perfect ghost, ethereal and untouchable.

(In dying, it had made her terrifyingly small to hold, thin voice growing thinner. Her grip on Thasia's hand had only slackened at the very end.)

"I'm working," mutters Violet. She doesn't start typing again.

"I'm quite sure you are." Craddock floats closer. Her voice is whole, the words flowing together, and Violet is once more annoyed at herself for her computer-induced slip in front of the Rumor crew.

Raising an eyebrow, Craddock says, "Surely some of it could wait. Thasia wouldn't be asleep otherwise."

Both their gazes drift to the softly snoring Thasia on the bed a few feet away from them. Violet grimaces. "Thasia could sleep for a thousand hours and they'd probably still be on a deficit."

Craddock's eyes narrow. "They're not helpless."

"I know," snaps Violet tiredly. "That's not what I said. I-Do you want me to wake them?"

"Not unless they've suddenly gained the ability to see or hear me." Craddock lets out a high laugh. "I didn't come by to make you play intermediary."

"Then what?" The universe has always been low on sense, but Violet can't help think it a particularly absurd choice for her to be the one seeing Craddock, not Thasia. Even if personal history was put aside, Violet's confident the spiritual sort's a better fit for ghost whisperer than the biologist-slash-spy.

"You need to sleep. You're terrible in the mornings when you haven't had enough sleep."

"I'm terrible in the mornings when I haven't gotten enough work done."

"That's true." A thoughtful expression on her face, Craddock sits cross-legged next to Violet, sinking to float only an inch off the ground. "Another half hour then."

"Fine."

As Craddock begins humming, Violet resumes her work.

Invading someone's dreams

Brian doesn't feel great about this. Not like they've got a whole lot of options.

That Dwarnian artifact easily knocked Arkady unconscious shortly after she put it down, left her sweating and twisting and murmuring in the medbay bed, and then it as easily offered an avenue into her.

Krejjh's busy piloting. Captain's busy coordinating with their contacts. Violet's busy taking care of Arkady's body.

That leaves Brian with Arkady's mind.

He doesn't know if he really expected anything in particular, but he's relieved to find himself in the Rumor. Would have felt kinda grubby seeing somewhere new.

Ahead of him, Arkady stalks down the hallway, her footsteps cautious. When she touches her comms, it sparks and she swears. She has a gun out.

Brian almost instinctively shadows her the way she likes it - three steps behind, angled so that she's always between him and the next turn. He lingers further back, and watches.

She takes another step, the hallway suddenly replaced by the slightly bigger mess. Classic dream logic. Brian squashes his fascination at that bit, what it'd be like to roll out the progression of someone's dream.

Arkady stands in the center of the mess, dark eyes sweeping across the doors in front of her. Brian's against a wall to the right of her, but she doesn't seem to notice him. Maybe he's like, invisible in here? Cool, but would probably make persuading her to wake up kind of difficult.

A door slams open, and Brian sees a flash of purple the same time he hears Arkady's gun go off.

He hears the gun clatter on the ground, but he doesn't look at Arkady, not now, not when his heart is freezing at the sight of Krejjh collapsed in the doorway, green blood oozing from under where their hand clutches their chest.

It's not them, he reminds himself, They're in the Iris's cockpit now. He still can't look away.

"First...Mate...Pa"-Krejjh's slurred words are cut off by a cough.

"Shit, no." Arkady scrambles towards Krejjh, gun on the ground forgotten, skidding on to her knees once she's close enough. Her voice turns ragged. "Not again, I didn't-"

Brian blinks, and the scene resets.

Arkady in the middle of the mess, gun in her hand, no sign of Krejjh anywhere. Her expression is once again as carefully neutral as it was at the start.

A door opens. Brian winces, expecting another gunshot. Instead, he hears his own voice.

"Hey, dude, have you seen any of the others?" Dream-Brian peeks his head through, an unsettling replica, and looks hopefully at Arkady.

"No." Arkady scowls. "Come on, stick close. I don't like this."

"I'm not the biggest fan of not knowing where the others are either." Dream-Brian joins Arkady in the middle of the room, and when she slides in front of him, still keeping a lookout, Brian feels a familiar relief.

Dream-Brian's hands are in his hoodie pocket. That isn't odd - Brian's hands are in his own hoodie pocket right now.

Then Dream-Brian pulls a knife out from the pocket and stabs Arkady in the lower back. Arkady crumples to her knees, twisting around in a way that jars the knife in her. She's not looking at Dream-Brian but past him.

Dream-Brian shrugs. Pulls out the knife. "Should’ve watched your back, Kady."

The pain in Arkady's face gives way to confusion. "Wh-"

The scene resets, and Arkady is once more whole and standing in the middle of the mess.

Okay, no. Brian doesn't know what's going on here, how much of this is the Dwarnian artifact putting Arkady through a messed up test and how much of this is Arkady's own ridiculousness, but he is done playing witness.

"Arkady," he says loudly, striding up to her.

When she looks at him, he thinks: That's a start.

Non-americanizing your canon

Violet's sense of professional ethics was never about saving face. Saving face would have been never taking this case on in the first place, never having the government's quiet ire about Ms Patel's - no, Arkady's claims extend to Violet's untarnished medical reputation.

So. It's only after Violet has proven herself useless, and Arkady has no need of her expertise, that she finds herself sweating through her blouse in a hawker centre with Arkady.

Yishun is a longer drive for Violet than it is a train and bus ride for Arkady. It seems fair, given the length of Arkady's regular journeys to her office.

"Sana's satay recommendation was good," says Violet, after her fifth stick. She's already considering another plate, fishing around in her purse for the tell-tale purple of loose two dollar bills.

Arkady pauses tearing through her own stick - mutton, not chicken. "Of course it was. It's Sana," she says, like that explains everything. Her right hand stays deliberately limp on the bright yellow plastic surface of the table.

Violet cuts straight to the point. "The police appeared at my office yesterday. They confiscated all our computers. And scared off a few patients."

"What." Arkady's head snaps up, a growl to her voice.

"I have backups. And I had good security on all the records, after that discussion with you and Sana."

Arkady's expression is question enough.

"Connors."

"Huh." Arkady tears off another bit of satay. "Guess the expat would be less scared." Arkady frowned. "What did the police say?"

Violet snorts. "Nothing. Said I could come down to the police station to pick up the hard drives."

What comes out of Arkady's mouth is a series of colorful curses. No stranger to Arkady's verbosity, Violet instead notes that Arkady's command of Hokkien is much better than her own command of Cantonese.

The SAF can take some credit for that. Just like them and their training accident could take credit for Arkady's ruined right hand, shaking and inconsistent and yet somehow, never with quite enough paperwork done to warrant an official investigation. Even less than there would have been if Arkady had been an NSman or a reservist.

No outrage for those who chose their duty.

"Fuck, Violet," is the final bit of Arkady's tirade. "Don't try to hide shit from them."

"I wasn't planning on going down there, " says Violet. She picks up the next stick of satay, ignoring Arkady's unmoving gaze on her. "As I said, I have backups. If they want to interrogate me, they'll have to actually detain me."

"Then that's what they're going to do," hisses Arkady. "Violet, give them what they want. Be the innocent doctor misled by a lying delinquent who blew a good chance when she had one."

"I'm not, though."

Violet doesn't mean recently, because of her involvement with Arkady.

Violet's never been innocent.

There's a hypothetical she toys with in her head, one more illuminating in how it doesn't differ from reality than how it does. If Arkady and her were men, Arkady would have done her two years and likely ended up enlisting anyway ; Violet would have gotten a deferment for medical school.

This isn't guilt. Guilt guiding one's decisions, in Violet's opinion, is dangerous both in a medical context and outside of it. It's not about righting the scales, hurting herself as if that would lessen the hurt Arkady's endured.

It's this: Violet doesn't want to imagine a world in which she doesn't have the back of the woman in front of her, a woman made of disbelieving words and hopeful eyes and a smidge of peanut sauce on the front of her white singlet. Violet doesn't know if she can become the kind of person that has that woman's back.

She wants to try.

Five Names Arkady Chose, and One She Didn’t (300 words 5+1)

1.

First name's easy. Three syllables, like her current one. Slips out with a pained grunt. It's from some stupid vid she loved as a kid. Who's she kidding, from some stupid vid she loves.

Last name's a joke. Tantalizingly identifying, till they realize how many people they gotta search through.

2.

There's one that never gets turned into a proper alias. An idle thought during another night in the deep, indulging in an old habit because it might have a use. Alternate name and alternate life. 

But this one's not a soldier, and the war will always be visible on her

3.

"I didn't know there were duchies nearby," says the bearded guy easily. His eyes say otherwise.

She’s got three guns and two knives hidden in this fancy suit. He's not carrying anything, but if he's stayed alive in Neuzo...

"Krejjh." The guy turns away. "Did you?"

A Dwarnian ally, shit.

4.

She gives the coif a tug. Good thing it's not a different religion's building they need to sneak into, or they'd be shit out of luck. 

Okay, not really, bullshitting's a part of the job description, but at least if she gets caught here, less risk of quoting something wrong.

5.

She’s no knight in shining armor, but she'll use his name easy enough.

Only this biologist chick seems to have cast herself as the rescuer, little room elsewise. Full of reassurances that it's okay. Don't beat yourself up over my inevitable death.

Stupid. Now, what can the Iris still do?

+1

It should be a relief to give it up. It isn't.

Spitting out its replacement doesn't stop it pulsing in her ears, a cacophony of voices and tones: joking, relieved, apologetic.

None from the bright-eyed woman kneeling next to her in the back of this shitty truck. Too late now.

Pick Who ̶D̶i̶e̶s̶

Sana knew her crew. She thought she did. She thought she knew Arkady best of all. When the mercenaries said they’d let Arkady meet up with the Iris to deliver the ultimatum they had for Brian, that Arkady could pick one person to go with her and the other would be left behind as leverage, Sana had felt a sense of calm at the grim way Arkady and Violet’s eyes immediately met, nods exchanged. They were clever and resourceful. They’d get back to the others, figure something out. Sana wasn’t calm at all when she was the one shoved out of a shuttle with Arkady.

“Arkady!” Sana fought to make her voice heard over the sound of the shuttle taking off behind them. Arkady paid no attention, trudging forward through snow towards the lights of a city that looked to be a mile away. If it wasn’t the capital, their route back to the Iris would be even more circuitous. Sana pushed herself forward, landing a hand on Arkady’s shoulder that was immediately brushed off. Arkady snapped, “We need to keep moving. We’re easy pickings out here, and I don’t have a weapon.” “We can walk and talk,” said Sana, doing just that when Arkady grunted and carried on. “About what happened back there-you didn’t have to…” “What?” scoffed Arkady, only Sana could hear the underlying hitch in her voice. “Sana, are you honestly telling me I should’ve left you both back there? Stupid of them to let me go at all, once I get a gun-” “Kady,” interrupted Sana quietly. “Why?” Arkady’s shoulders sank. Her strides grew shorter. “Do we have to do this now?” “It does seem to be bothering you.” Sana slowed to match her pace, bumping Arkady’s shoulder with her own. “No shit,” retorted Arkady. She sighed. “She made it easier than it should’ve been, okay? Violet was pretty clear that if I didn’t pick you to leave, she’d be mad at me. Like, really mad.” “That doesn’t make any sense,” said Sana. “You know how you hate all that stuff about calculating lives against each other, trying to reduce individual people to cost-benefit equations or whatever?” Arkady’s mouth twitched. Sana nodded. Arkady looked half-defeated, half-proud. “Violet doesn’t feel the same way.” “What do you mean?” An uneasy feeling settled in Sana’s throat. “Violet thinks that in light of current circumstances,” said Arkady, her tone implying a direct quote to follow, “the crew needs a captain more immediately than it does a medic.” Sana opened her mouth. “I…” “Yeah, I’m not happy with her either. Figure that can wait for when she’s not held captive by a bunch of mercs. How the hell did Brian piss off these guys?” Arkady started listing possibilities, and Sana knew she was done discussing Violet for now. A memory came to her mind, of the small smile with which Violet had accepted the crew jacket Sana had finally gotten around to making. Somehow, the moment felt tainted.

[berryshiara]

WIP Whenever What ails you...

(Notes: This is a writing prompt that @natsora generously challenged me to do. The criteria was a Shiara fic with the following prompts,

Im sorry, I’m so sorry. Passing out A makes a mistake and b pays the price.

Since I was tagged for a WIP Wednesday, I decided to do this as a whenever because its obviously isnt Wednesday. And I wanted to let you know, I was working on it. :))

Our story begins... Illium 2185

Work… it had been increasingly difficult to do the closer the day came around. 

Shepard… 

Liara sat at her desk, eyes focused not on the wealth of information coming through the vid screens but the single holo picture of her newly resurrected lover. Emotions roiled within, leaving her feeling as if she were fighting a maelstrom. Trepidation at today's agenda left the normally cool headed Asari… rattled.

It bothered her that she found herself unable to jump in, when all she wanted was what they had lost… no, what she had lost. For two years she grieved, fell apart, experienced hurt so deeply that it had felt as if she could die from it. In her delirious need to fill the holes left in her soul she had hunted for Shepard… found her, and even gave her to a terrorist organization on the slimmest chance that she could be brought back. 

How many times did she feel she had betrayed her love for that desperate act? How much more hurt had she heaped upon herself for the actions she had taken? How many more was there yet to be had?

When Shepard had reached Illiam she had been beside herself with emotions… ones that mirrored the ones she felt now. Were there really words for them? 

Liara sighed, forcing herself out of the chair trying to find any distraction, but emerald eyes haunted her. That day Shepard came… she had wanted more than that kiss. The needs that filled her had damn near pushed her into an early unwanted heat… it’s madness had clawed at her, raking across the soul, drawing blood. If Shepard had been alone would she have had the fortitude to tell her no? Did she have that strength now?

Goddess she felt crazy…

Soul sickness was a terrible curse… still she pined for her mate. Hungered for the bonds that had been, cried for the home that was... it left her terrified what would happen if she let herself have this concession. That kiss had nearly undone her…

The madness bubbled so near the surface Liara found herself suddenly considering the time allotted to her with her Léaina and how hard it would be to bump it up. ‘Calm down Liara…” She murmured, forcing herself to take a deep breath… in through the nose, out through the mouth.

An action she repeated several times even as she made a mental note of how close it was for Shepard to arrive. A truly counter productive experience if ever she had one… Growling in frustration Liara  found herself bringing up her omni tool  to send a quick note to Soteria, asking if she would be able to help with the time allotment change for her next session. 

To her surprise, her Léaina sent back a quick response, one she did not anticipate at all. “I’m calling you… pick up.” Second’s later her omni tool said just that.

With a spike to her vitals she answered, and prayed silently to Athame that the quiver she felt did not register in her voice. 

“Liara speaking.”

“Hey sweetheart.” 

To her surprise a sense of relief filled her the moment Léaina Soteria spoke in that warm contralto voice.

“I have this feeling your day is a lot more stressful than you anticipated. So, I wanted to personally remind you that you have my time whenever you need it, for whatever reasons, not only because of your Oestrus cycle. If you feel you need to move up tonight, or tomorrow, we will do that. Even if you need to talk, I am here for you; my Cria. I know from last time that you are going through something stressful, because of this, I felt it pertinent to remind you, I am here.”

As if sensing Liara’s mental state she continued.

“I want you to put one hand on your stomach, and one on your chest, when you breathe in, push the hand on your stomach out, hold it… and out through the mouth.”

When Liara had done this deep breathing exercise it had felt as if she were gulping air to no effect, now, under Léaina Soeteria’s guidance she slowed the breath down, holding it as Soteria continued the instruction.

“As you do it again, I want you to focus on feeling your pulse begin to slow, the tension in your neck dissipating as you relax your shoulders.”

She drew in that breath, holding it for a count of three before expelling it through pursed lips.

“And a final breath…”

With Léaina Soteria’s guidance she was able to find the calm that she had blasted out the airlock while thinking about Shepard.

(End for now)

Special Notes: I write all my Asari with the premise that they go into Heat for their reproductive cycle. I find it a fascinating contrast to their big brains, and perhaps a necessary evolutionary adaptation for long lives and low birth counts. It is called their Oestrus cycle. They become attractive to other species who can smell these changes in them, and to eachother... while also having an insatiable desire to mate. Because of this they have a class of highly trained Asari called - Léaina - Trusted women who help asari through their heat. There are private Leaina and commercialized Leaina. They are guardians & protectors, psychiatrists, and spiritual advisors. Léaina  literally means Lioness in greek :P it felt like the right choice.

They have sanctuaries called Den’s where those afflicted with their oestrus will go, to protect them from the madness of themselves, and others affected by it. They can be a single room sanctuary or a large commercialized den where many rooms and many Léaina work.

Cria - is ACTUALLY the name of a baby alpaca, like cats have kittens, but i wanted it to be a word one said that meant they were someone who the Léaina not only felt responsible for, but also attached to. Like their little ones who needed protection, guidance and help when necessary. I thought what better than the name of a baby under a mothers care? :3c

(More to come later~)

[nikstersss]

Not How To Pass The PLE

Before I go into the main gist of this post, let me give you a small background story. I was a mid-year post-graduate intern in Manila who started in January 2021. I lived alone in our condo unit near the hospital I went to. My usual routine was to get up early, prep, take a short walk to the trike station where I’d take a tricycle to the hospital, go on duty, insert a coffee or carioca break in between, walk all the way home at the end of the day, then maybe have a short study session with a couple friends after dinner or just chill at home. It was a pretty good setup. But then COVID happened. Suddenly, I was a pandemic e-ntern stuck at home listening to Zoom endorsements and lectures all day. At first I was hopeful that things would somehow go back to normal and maybe I wouldn’t be spending the rest of my internship in front of a screen, but we all know how that turned out. 

I finished the first half of my internship with the regular year PGIs online. While they were prepping for their boards, I was on my second half with the new batch of interns (that’s probably you, dear reader)—still online. Now you might think that it would have been wise of me to use all that “free” time to start early with my own boards prep and you would be correct. I thought the exact same thing. And trust me, I tried. And failed. Countless times. I won’t even try to justify it. Admittedly, I still think it was a wasted opportunity to read more and make notes, but then again, there’s no use crying over spilled milk. Besides, while it would have been nice and probably less stressful, I still survived without it. Which means that you can, too. So if you’re one of those who’s berating himself because you “didn’t make the most out of your time”, cut it out. You’ll be fine.

Towards the end of my internship, I enrolled in a review center. Despite the asynchronous setup, the review schedule was super tight and the sessions already started while I was still in the middle of final reports and exams. Needless to say, I was already behind on that before it even began. In fact, I didn’t even get to focus on reviewing itself until maybe around early February because of clearance, paperwork, and application stuff. So if you were to ask me how long I really reviewed for the March 2021 boards, I’d say just a little over a month. Kasalanan ko. Wag po tularan. Stressful siya. Nakakaloka. 

And even when I did get to really buckle down and do some intense reading, I didn’t follow the program anymore. I tried to catch up at first, but I was already way behind. But I am grateful for all the summarized material because that meant I didn’t have to pore over the mother books anymore. What I will say, though, is that because I didn’t exactly follow the recommended study hours etcetera, I was able to enjoy the whole process because I did it at my own pace. Sure, there was still that dread that maybe I wasn’t on the same level as the others, but I learned to tune those thoughts out eventually. And that’s where goal-setting and discipline comes in, I guess. 

The most common question I’ve been getting is what was my day like during the PLE review season. Honestly, I’d like to say I had a routine I followed, but that’s only half-true. While I did have a structure for my day, I rarely followed it exactly. Nevertheless, allow me to share what it would have been like if I did: 

Ideally, I’d wake up at 5:00 A.M. then do my morning routine which included prayer and meditation, making my bed, taking a shower, and brewing coffee. And because I’m the type of person who enjoys these mundane activities and slow mornings, I also took this opportunity to get myself in the zone before all the studying that’s to come. I’d plan out my study goals and outline (something you can do the night before, actually) then maybe have breakfast while watching some videos (could be review-related, or those self-motivational vids, or maybe even Korean street food). I’d do whatever I wanted to wake my brain up without stressing it out too much until around 6:30 A.M. By this time, I’d work on backlogs for about an hour and study until about 10 or 11 A.M.—it depends how in the zone I am. I’d prep and cook lunch and then eat while watching Netflix maybe or even play a bit of Fortnite or Paladins until about 1:00 P.M. At this point, I’m pretty certain to be quite sleepy so it’s either I make coffee or tea, or maybe even go out to study at a coffee shop, and then it’s study all the way until 7 P.M. I then take a break to get some exercise, take a shower, have a light dinner, and if I feel like I deserve it, nap for a little bit. At around 8:30, my family usually calls and then we pray the rosary together. After this, I study again, but more of a recall and review session for the day’s progress until about 11:30. I then have my night self-care routine and then go to sleep around midnight. 

The main takeaway from the previous paragraph? “Ideally.”

During the first few days of setting up my schedule or routine, following it was already challenging, but still doable. But then the backlogs started piling up and no matter how much I tried to streamline the whole study process, I just couldn’t keep up. I did what I could to follow study habits and schedules, but the setup was falling apart. And you know what? That was okay. 

Normally, my type A self would have been so frustrated already with how poorly I was handling my review season. Admittedly, there were a few meltdowns and anxiety attacks as the exam drew nearer, but for the most part, I just let things happen as they did. I still adjusted, sure, but I wasn’t hard on myself for always having to. I kept changing goals when I didn’t meet them (which was probably 80% of the time). There were even instances where I’d finish a handout and then I’d say that okay, I’ll watch an episode for a reward, but that episode became the entire season. While I considered myself to be the most chill reviewee, I also thought I was the worst because I refused to give up any of my wants for my needs. I resisted, of course, but then they’d bug me the entire time I was studying so instead of staying productive, I’d just annoy the hell out of myself. I was probably just lazy and stubborn. LOL. Long story, short, it was a constant battle. 

There were times when I felt confident enough to power through the whole thing. I enjoyed the whole process of studying, actually. Making notes and my own ways of memorizing things was fun. I made use of different study strategies, self-checks, and motivational boosters (more on these on a different post). Aside from these, having review-mates who were just a chat away made things bearable. Breakdown session muna tas aral na ulit. And how could I forget all my sweet friends who would send over coffee ayuda every now and then? To me, passing the boards, while mainly should be for oneself and one’s self-actualization, is also about not letting down these people who have been with you throughout your journey. 

But it wasn’t always a hyped-90s-movie-transformation-montage kind of environment. Other times, I was just worn out and dejected by my lack of progress. In the already meager time I had to study, I still had plenty of off-days. Concepts just wouldn’t stick and it was disappointing how I’d already forgotten what I just read a couple days ago. It got really tiring even if I was staying indoors all the time. I missed the comfort of coffee shops and the company of study buddies. I missed my family. I wanted to hug our dog. There were days when I couldn’t even bring myself to make coffee and open my notes. I even reached a point where I was sure that I wouldn’t finish reading all the material. (I kid you not, I have handouts I never got to open.) 

Yet here I am. Here I am writing about how I survived all that and got those two letters attached to my name. I am not a good example, obviously. There are hundreds better than me and you probably should be taking advice from them instead. I’m simply writing this to tell you that you don’t have to worry. This is all just to ease your anxieties about the PLE. I’m not saying it’s an easy feat that you can just achieve just like that. While I seemed rather complacent, I still put in the work, after all. Admittedly, I know I could have done more, but again, I’m not going to dwell on that anymore. It’s done. 

My goal in writing this is to let you know, my dear future doctor, that you’re going to be just fine. Here’s someone who understands the huge disconnect that stemmed from being a pandemic e-ntern. Here’s someone who’s always been doubtful and full of anxieties about the PLE even before she filed her application at the PRC. Here’s someone who constantly prayed that the PLE be moved even for just a month (or kahit two weeks lang masaya na ako nun) up to the week before the exam along with a rising number of cases. Here’s someone who barely has the capability to maintain focus for more than an hour. Here’s someone whose reading pace was literally at 10 minutes per page (yes, I actually timed it and IDK if that’s slow or really slow). Here’s someone who still allowed herself to study at coffee shops and even have samgyup (with proper health protocols, of course) even if she knew she was drowning in backlogs. 

My point is that if I managed to pass despite all that, you can, too. My close friends know that I developed a rather funny mentality to ease the jitters as the boards drew nearer. I knew and claimed it for myself that I would already pass. I viewed the whole PLE as just a “formality”--a means for His plans of me becoming a doctor to manifest in this realm. I believed it so much to the point that I thought that no matter what bloopers and slip-ups I have during the test, I’d still see my name on the list of board passers. I’m not saying you should totally ease up and just have a come-what-may attitude. Again, I’m not the model student you should be following here. What I’m saying is to have faith in yourself, your capabilities, and in God. So chin up, Doc. Just a little more ‘til you get to legally practice with that MD at the end of your name.

[pandaioh]

Poly!RoadRat x ShyMuteFemale! Reader: Ra Ataahua

You were finally going to meet them, the two men whom you set up a casual shopping date with, were finally going to meet you. All the texting and holo vid sessions you had with them, and it still felt so unreal that you were finally going to meet them face to face. 

You walked in the bookstore, the store’s doorbell chimed merrily making aware of your presence and you as nervous as can be, dressed in a cute over sized pink sweater and a pink beanie to match. Along with a pair of skinny jeans and pink skater shoes. You also had an array of adorable pink glasses, rimmed perfectly around your pink eye shadowed eyes, with black eyeliner drawn perfectly. Your stomach felt ill of nervousness and excitement as your little digits hovered over the keypad of your phone. Your fingers tip-tapping away on the screen as you typed out your message.

Y/N: Ok I’m here you two. Where you at?

You casually strode by the collection of assorted books placed carefully by their sorted variety. From horror to romance, fiction to non fiction, cookbooks and “how to” guides, then came the manga. Your anxiety faded somewhat as you grinned up at the Japanese cartoons and their colorful covers. You heard your phone ring for a second time indicating that you had received a text message. Your anxiety sputtering back into your chest as you unlocked your phone and opened the text. It read as followed:

Junky&Roadie: Won’t be long, love. Just hang tight and we’ll be there in a jiffy. ;) <3

You smiled softly and texted back:

Y/N: Ok, just be careful, and don’t get into trouble! ;P

You placed your phone back into your pink Pachimari purse, and you walked along to your favorite section of the store; the art supplies.

At least, your anxiety can somewhat feel at ease being in an all too familiar surrounding. You gazed along the art books, and journals and then…the sketch books. Jackpot. You smiled as you grabbed the first one that you set your sights on. It had a smooth pastel rainbow color as the cover and you gingerly glided your fingers along the pleasant surface.

A few minutes had passed and finally another text tone rang and you picked up your phone, your heart almost stopping as you read the text. It read as followed.

Junky&Roadie: Arright lovey, we’re here. Where are you?

You took a deep breath and glided your fingers across the keys. You typed out;

Y/N: I’m in the art supplies…come find me. ;)

A few seconds later and your phone rang again, this time the text read;

Junky&Roadie: Gladly. We love a challenge. >;)))))

Your heart sputtered, doing flips in your chest at the playful threat of your second suitor. You put your phone back into your purse and continued along the art section, heart beating of anticipation. You looked through the empty pages of the sketch book still in your grasp to help place your mind at ease, thinking about what you could possibly draw in it.

More minutes passed and you still strode up and down the art section, awaiting your two dates to find you. You had your back turned and faced the supplies again when you could’ve sworn you heard the feint whispering of a stranger saying “There she is…swear that’s her, mate…swear it…” You did not turn from your position, too nervous and fearful of your anxiety bursting out of you. Your face had gone completely red as you heard the hissing whispers and heavy footsteps draw closer to you. You look down, pretending to be distracted by your pretty sketchbook yet again, and flipped the pages some more. You then noticed two giant shadows casting over your little one as you felt the presence of two tall strangers standing behind you.

“Found ya…”

You turned up to them, eyes widening and a nervous smile crossing your beat red face. Jamison and Mako, Junkrat and Roadhog, were standing right in front of you. Junkrat grinning wildly and giggling in manic fits as he glanced down at you. And Roadhog, his expression blank, thanks to his all too familiar hog-mask, but still tilting his head slightly as his expressionless eyes stared at you.

You waved your hand “hello”, lightly and tried to give direct eye contact to them, but found your nervousness and anxiety overwhelming you and turned your face away from them, giggling sweetly, face still beat red.

“Hiya darl, oh gosh you’re looking awfully ‘dorable in that pink little numbuh a yours…so excited to finally see you!..” As Junkrat reached out to embrace you, you gasped softly and took a step back, not ready or prepared for any physical affection just yet. Roadhog, picking up on your little distress, placed a hand in front of Rat and said softly. “Easy, Rat. Baby steps…”

Jamie looked up at his much taller companion, slightly put off, but understanding of your slight discomfort. He quickly placed one hand behind his head and his mechanical one in his pocket.

“Ah roight..roight, sorry bout that love. It’s just that, well I-! I mean, we’re so happy to finally see you. All done up and what not! Just look at cha!” Jamie said, eyes glancing up and down at your figure. “Yer a real knockout love...Any bloke would be real happy to have ya, I mean, look how happy ya made me!” Junkrat’s voice was still somewhat audible but uncharacteristically soft.

You let your defenses down slightly and took a few steps forward to the two junkers. Smiling bashfully, you still looked away, but not ignoring the confession of the lanky suitor. Jamie grinned widely as he saw his efforts didn’t go unnoticed. “Not ta mention, that awfully adorable smile ya got there, and that sweet lil giggle ya make when ya nervous and…aww yer cheeks are gettin awfully red there darl’…” He chuckled as he saw you quickly placed your face behind the need-to-purchase sketchbook, hiding the heavy blush that imprinted on your cheeks. You made a soft embarrassed squeal behind the book, making the two junkers chuckle all the more with you.

“Aww look Roadie, she’s gettin redder than a tomata, isn’t she the cutest, mate? What’d I tell ya? A real sweet sort she is, ain’t she?” His much taller companion nodded and gave the alabastor junker a thumbs up, a silent indication of approval.  

You finally looked up at your two junker dates, your face still beat red, but getting more acquainted and used to their presence. Junkrat noticing the book in your hands soon took notice of the cover.

“Oi lookit that, Roadie!” he exclaimed. “Lookit the lil sketchy book she’s got! Suits her don’tit? All cute and rainbowy like her! Hey, sweets, you want us to buy that for ya? We’ll getcha that for ya, misso! Hell, we’ll getcha all the cutesy lil trinkets and shit in this whole bookstore if ya like! We got the money, sweets. All ya gotta do is say the word, got it?” You shook your head quickly, taking some money out of your Pachimari purse, indicating that you had got it covered.

Junkrat raised his mechanical palm swiftly and said. “Now don’tcha worry ya pretty lil head about spendin ya hard earned loot, love. Leave the spendin to us, got it? We’re spoilin ya today, understand? We wanna take real good care of ya.”

He took the book from out of your palms and made a dash to the check-out register. Leaving you and Roadhog standing briefly alone together. Your hands shakily reaching your phone and typing away a message. Seconds later, Roadhog heard his phone go off and read the message. And it read;

Y/N:“I’m so sorry, sweetheart. I’ll pay you both back! And I’m so sorry for not speaking. I’m really happy to see the both of you, I’m just really nervous and shy. I’m sorry.”  

Roadhog glanced down at you, unspeaking and quiet as usual. You look down at the floor, your thoughts clouding your brain with guilt and shame. Feeling that all to familiar sting of baby tears forming the side of your eyes. Suddenly, you felt an enormous palm graze your cheek softly, a large finger tucking under your chin and tilting your head up to his expressionless mask.

“No need for apologizing, toku aroha,” he said his voice a deep gentle grumble. “Let us take care of you, te rangatira.”

Your face flushed and you felt your cheeks burn more as the goliath junker’s words was placed on repeat in your mind. Not getting over just how completely calm and smooth he was being towards you. He then placed a few gentle pats on top of your head, a simple act of affection that perhaps wasn’t too overwhelming for you. You smiled self consciously and had seen that he was beginning to walk where his younger employer had ran off to. You quickly followed him, your face slowly but surely, regaining your soft complexion. When the both of you finally made it to the register, Junkrat was already starting to make a scene.

“Oi! Is there anyone workin ‘ere? Swear ya’lls useless as an ashtray on a motorbike!” Junkrat angrily slammed his hand down on the counter. Finally one of the store’s clerks finally got behind the counter presenting themselves in a dignified and professional manner. “Hi there, I can help you whenever you’re ready.” The clerk said almost too calmly. Junkrat frowned and replied “Been ready, ya drongo! Ya deaf or somethin!? I’m here to get this sketchy book for my girl over there! Real sweet and artsy sort she is. And ya keepin us from our little behind we got goin on. So ring us up and we’ll meander on out, yeah?”  

Before the clerk could retaliate with a smart remark, they soon took notice of the menacingly taller shadow above Junkrat. Roadhog was standing behind his younger cohort, looking down at the clerk, giving them a pretty decent spook.

“R-Right of course, I’ll take care of that right away, sir!” The clerk typed away at their register ringing up your newly purchased sketch book. You peeked from behind Roadhog’s tall and wide form and watched as the clerk placed your book in a plastic bag. “Here you are, sir,” they said and Junkrat yanked the carefully wrapped book out from the clerk’s hand. “Bout bloody time!” he yelled. He soon noticed you were right there behind him, feeling a little frazzled at what you witnessed.

“Oi, sorry bout that, love.” His voice changed from loud to soft within seconds the minute you were there. “Just a bunch of dills workin here me thinks.” He gave you a nervous grin, unknowing if you were actually still afraid of him. He gave you the plastic bag with your little prize inside. “There ya go, sweets. A labor of love it was…” You took the bag and giggled softly and the boys grinned at you full of enamor and relief. Hearing you giggle so sweetly just made the two of them melt simultaneously. Hopefully, this meant that you were warming up to them sooner than they thought.

“Well, now that that’s takin care of, how about we treat ya to a counter meal? Whatdayasay love? Ya feelin a bit hungry?” Junkrat asked smiling at you with that all too familiar grin he always had. You nodded your head and smiled up at him, your lip gloss shimmering as your lips curled. You hadn’t noticed, but Junkrat twitched and giggled his signature laughed. “Well then, let’s ditch this bodgy bookstore and treat ya somethin real nice!” The boys made their way up to the entrance until they’ve noticed that you weren’t following them. They turned to you expression changing slightly, until you took a step forward and reached both of your little hands out to them. Giving them the indication that it was okay to hold your hand. Junkrat gasped and smiled widely as he strode over to you taking your hand.

“Aww I knew you’d come around, darl’! Never fear, we’ll make sure you have big mobs of fun! Bloody oath!” You smiled as you saw your other suitor, Roadhog, take your other hand into his much bigger palms. You walked out of the store, with both boys holding your hands, and you absolutely feel as if you were on cloud nine. Because you practically were, being with the two men whom you’ve messaged and chatted with for months, were now here with you, catering to you and treating you to quite the charming little shopping date, treasuring you as if you were a princess.

But first things first, you three were going to get a meal. Jamie and Mako took you to an adorable pastel looking coffee shop, with a vintage floral theme to it. You inhale the sweet aroma of coffee beans and sweet pastries, and your tummy growled lowly, your hunger for something sweet.

The boys let you pick whatever you wanted, and you had decided to go with a small sandwich with a tall chocolate latte. The boys practically bought out the entire menu. For starters, they wanted to make sure you weren’t holding back on yourself and that you were eating, secondly, the food didn’t look like it could fill anyone’s appetite and lastly, Roadhog. You were getting stares from almost everyone in the shop, you looked down at your meal and felt self conscious about yourself. Mako looked down at your hardly eaten platter and then cast a glance over at his young employer, who was scarfing down one pastry after another. Mako really wanted to roll his eyes since sugar was the last thing Jamison needed, but his thoughts lingered more to you, concerned at how you barely touched your food. He extended his enormous hand and reached for your smaller one, taking it carefully caressing a large thumb over your knuckles.

“E aroha…” he started. “You’re not eating….” His voice wheezed softly and sounding somewhat perturbed.

You eyes were shifting to and fro at different corners of the café. Your expression softened again, your free hand holding your tummy as it made a more growling noise. Mako picked up on your hints and signs and noticed how you made small glances at the patrons watching the three of you. Roadhog elbowed Junkrat receiving a whine but grunted and eyed you as you nibbled on your sandwich, still on edge at the patrons watching you. Junkrat now picking up on the sudden uncomfort, omitted a low growl, and slammed his hands on the table.

“You dills and drongos better be about yer buisness! Our girl here, is gorgeous, loving! A real sweet and tender one, she is! So if you got somethin to say about us, especially her, come at me and Roadie with it, but it aint a smart idear to go up against us junkers!”

Everyone in the café went from staring at the three to bustle about their own respected meals, in fear of course. You were amazed at how Junkrat’s booming voice struck intimidation on anyone who dared crossed him, you couldn’t imagine how Roadhog would be. But you stared up at the wild lanky junker and grinned lightly. As he sat back down in his seat, he started to share his pastry sweets with you and sweet giggles escaped your lips as you bit into a red velvet cupcake. Mako leaned back in his seat, relieved that you were starting to eat again, whole heartedly. Jamison started babbling on about where they could visit next and you nod your head and continued eating and drinking down your chocolate latte.  

The rest of the date went by smoothly with little to no interruption. The three of them, with you wedged in the middle, had your hands full of shopping bags, full of miscellaneous items that had caught your eye and that the boys wasted little to no time purchasing for you. The sun began to set and draw a close on this eventful day, you and the boys made your way to the parking lot, a sudden wave of sadness hit you strongly as you realized that it was almost time for the three of you to part ways. You walked a little more slowly, wanting to etch these moments into your head for as long as you could. You three finally made it to where your friend would be picking you up and your stomach dropped as you saw the familiar car pulling into the parking lot. Junkrat was the first to break the depressing silence.

“Oi cheer up lovey, we can chat later on tonight when you get settled back home. Promise ya. H-hey don’t look so sad, we had a real fun day didn’t we?” He smiled softly. The both of you heard the sound of clicking and straps being unwound, you looked up and saw that Roadhog took off his mask, revealing his scarred face and pierced septum. He smiled down at you, and caressed your face with his giant hand and leaned into it, like an affectionate pet touch starved.

“Aroha nui matou ki a koe…” He recited in his native tongue. You finally had your walls come down, gesturing the two boys to come closer to you, they happily obliged and you did something completely unexpected for them; you embraced each junker with a big tender hug and placed a kiss on their lips individually. After that, and when your friend finally pulled up to the curb, you softly spoke;

“ ‘ank you…I lo’e you…”

You had gotten your things in your friends car and sat in the passenger side casting one more glance at the two who stood completely dumbfounded and absolutely enamored by you. Junkrat waving his fingers gently toward you and Roadhog smiling at you mouthing the words ‘I love you.’ with his fist on his heart. You and your friend finally drove away but even as they drove off you still couldn’t keep your eyes off your two boyfriends. You watched as the car pulled away and were no longer able to see them. You missed them already, you missed their touch and presence with you and you longed to stay with them. But you knew they had their duties to tend to and you had yours. Baby tears stung the side of your eyes as your love and missing grew stronger. But there would always be time for communication via holo vid or text messaging. But now, you and your boyfriends would have much more to discuss more places to explore and more adventures to trek on. The whole world would need to brace itself for the newly coupled trio; You and your two Junkers.  

[renwritesstuff]

first impressions

I submit to #MERWEEK2020, First Impressions. Samantha Traynor x FemShep

Sure the first time they spoke was on the Normandy SR-2, but that was not the first time they met.

October 22, 2183

“I thought you were allergic?”

“To free food and rubbing shoulders with the top brass?” A plump woman with a short bob of brown hair and blue eyes arched an eyebrow as she swept lipstick over thin lips.

“To bullshit,” Specialist Samantha Traynor clarified, her arms still crossed as she hunched in her desk chair. 

Specialist Mary Dietrich gave an acknowledging shrug. “You’re not wrong, but free food does wonders for keeping my bullshit allergy at bay.” She made a theatrical sniffing noise.

Sam pressed harder, “You know the ANN vultures will be there. Probably Khalisah al-Jilani too, your archnemesis.” She took a loud slurp of cold tea from the mug on her desk, racking her brain for more reasons why they shouldn’t go out tonight. “Also Staff Lieutenant Jeong and the rest of the smug quartermasters who love rejecting our grant proposals. You know we would be done with the new defense suite if Jeong wasn’t besties with Bautista in applied physics, right?”

Sighing, Mary made flicking motions to smooth out wrinkles on the sleeves of her dress blues. “Well now I want to go just to kick Jeong in the balls.” The orange holo screen projected from her wrist that was acting as a mirror disappeared as she set a glare on her fellow R&D mate. “C’mon Sam. Contrary to your belief, this is actually one of the perks of working on Arcturus Station. First on the victory tour to celebrate the end of the Eden Prime War! Oo-rah!”

Oo-rah, Sam groaned inwardly and more than a little sarcastically. Her nose wrinkled with her silent scowl.

Mary must have seen the face Sam made, because she stood up, hands on hips. “Suck it up, newbie! I will pull rank on you if it’ll make you leave the damn lab.”

Samantha squawked in protest. “I leave the lab!”  

Sometimes! To sleep!

Traynor.

Okay, I sleep on the couch most nights. To change?

...Traynor.

Well they shouldn’t make the laundry service so convenient then. To shower?

……Traynor.

Fine! L Wing has the best faucets! Not my fault the washroom is one door down! I am a slave to convenience, okay??? It keeps my mind researching and developing per my job title, doesn’t it??

“Sleeping and making tea don’t count,” Mary scoffed back. “Plus this is a big deal. Don’t you want to be able to tell your grandkids about meeting all the heroes who saved the Citadel and the Council?”

“...Do I have to?”

A laundry back was draped over Sam’s face, filling her vision with crinkling plastic. Mary patted her head through the bag. “Damn right, you do. Or you get to tell Lydia you made me late.”

Oh fuck. She had only met Mary’s wife Lydia half a dozen times in the 6 months since she started at R&D on Arcturus, but the woman made an impression. A stern, stoic Kodiak mechanic, Lydia had never cracked a smile once at any of the dozens of quips and small jokes Sam compulsively made. And Lydia had a voice like a drill sergeant that made Sam want to stand up straight before offering to do push ups please-and-thank-you-ma’am.

Pulling the bag off her face, Sam unzipped it to find her dress blues freshly laundered and folded crisply. She mumbled, “....I’ll be good.”

Arcturus Station was the pride and joy of the Alliance with a state of the art light rail to traverse the 5km diameter arms. At the center was a large convention hall that could hold 20,000 of the 45,000 population at one time. Surrounding departments had been cleared out to serve as food stations, coat checks and privacy areas to host the current set of guests. 

Sucks to be them, Sam frowned in empathy as she waited with Mary in the biometric security line. I can’t imagine having to clean up and stash all the rubbish we have lying around just so some fancy-pants donor can hang their coat up. Reminds me of a grammar school open house.

The overwhelming number of people made it hard for her to carry on a conversation with her coworker. Mostly human, with a few asari in sleek dresses and tuxedoed turians sprinkled in made up the meandering line that started at the light rail station. Background noise consisted of a dull roar of voices that grew louder the closer the two women got to the convention hall proper with just the faintest bass beat of music.

As they finally crested the last stairwell, the site of the grand hall was truly breathtaking. Large blast windows revealed a swirling backdrop of the Arcturus Stream nebula. Even the Arcturus mass effect relay was visible, the blue element zero core at its center flickering like a star. A few moving pins of light appeared next to the relay, more ships arriving to join the fleets already at Arcturus Station.

Decorated in heavy Alliance blue and gold, there were holo posters posted at intervals around the circular hall. Dramatic vid portraits of human heroes (with occasional notable alien Council SpecTRes appearing in between, no doubt a nod to the Council guests present) animated silently, larger than life. 

A red-headed woman appeared multiple times at different angles and wardrobes on the vids, clearly the focus of the event. In one image the woman was pictured with a straight backed salute wearing dress blues, another wielded a rifle in heavy armor, another was flanked by a group of men and women (human and alien alike).

Commander Annelise Shepard, First Human SpecTRe. Hero of the Citadel. Captain of the Normandy SR-1, the most advanced ship in the Alliance Navy.

The room was warm with all the bodies and Sam found herself clinging to Mary, who was busy texting Lydia to attempt to meet up somewhere on the crowded floor. The clamor of conversation barely dipped during a few speeches broadcast across the hall. Admiral David Anderson’s low bass voice welcomed the guests to the station and indicated there would be a meet-and-greet with the Heroes of the Citadel after cocktails.

Excited jabbering was all around them as people tried to catch glimpses of the headliner heroes. Sam was only somewhat familiar about the events from a few weeks ago, much of it still under top secret clearance. Just that all the recent geth activity triggered from the terrorist attack on Eden Prime culminated in the attack at the Citadel. A joint task force crew, helmed by the first human SpecTRe, was responsible for bringing the terrorist down and saving the Citadel and the Council at the cost of human lives.

It seems kind of far-fetched, doesn’t it, Traynor?

Like something I’d read in a story. Or play in a video game.

Ooo, I hope it has a character creator. And I can make the character super hot.

It took the better part of a half hour of crowd weaving to track down Lydia Dietrich, Mary’s wife. A tall woman with very short, slicked-back hair was nursing a beer while she chatted with a small group of fellow mechanics hunkered by the dessert table. While Lydia and Mary started a row of friendly bickering (“What took you so long?” “What took you so long?”), Sam wandered over to the desserts to seize an opening in the line.

Ooo, lemon curd tarts! Her fingertips drummed impatiently on her pant leg as she watched the pile of tarts diminish with each new tiny plate down the buffet line. Couples in front of and behind her were laughing and gossiping.

“Oh did you see the Commander? I saw Cameron snap a holo of her.”

“I thought she’d be taller.”

“Not sure why they felt the need to bring the quarian, too.”

“I mean, it was on the crew, right?”

She. She is on the crew. Even Sam knew that.

“Can’t believe General Williams’ granddaughter was there, too. I thought all that family knew how to do was surrender.”

“Maybe she and the quarian were a distraction for the real heroes to do the real work.”

Simpering laughter followed which made Samantha’s skin crawl.

“Not sure why they had to open this event to all the little minions at the station. We paid forty-five thousand credits a plate for this? While little desk-jockeys like miss-didn’t-even-do-her-hair over there can show up and eat our food?”

It took a glance backward for Sam to realize they were talking about her. She resisted the temptation to lift a self-conscious hand to her hair.

Poppycock, I know I look amazing. I always look amazing.

“I know, darling. Our tax dollars pay their salary. You’d think they’d have the courtesy to stand behind us in line. Like good help.”

Remaining silent, Sam continued the slow march to the dessert table. She did fire up her Omni-tool and do a quick scan while waiting, the extranet chugging a bit due to the density of guests. But she was satisfied with her results.

The long-awaited distance closed and Sam finally stood before a half-empty buffet table. The dextro desserts had been picked over, as had some of the hybrid mini-cakes and parfaits. It looked like everything was in the process of getting refreshed by the catering company. Several waitstaff with tall silver trays were making their way over from the back. 

But all that mattered is that there were still three lemon curd tarts left. All of which ended up on Sam’s dainty white plate as she swept out of the line. She felt a tug on her sleeve.

An older human woman in a far too tight evening gown scowled back at her. “I beg your pardon! Where do you think you’re going? How dare you take the last tarts? Have you any idea how long we’ve been waiting?”

Sam shrugged. “I’d wager about five seconds less than you as I was ahead of you in the same line?”

The woman’s date, a balding, rat-faced gentleman in a shiny tuxedo stuck a finger in Sam’s face. “Such rudeness! We actually paid good money to be here, so we deserve priority.”

“Perhaps she’s with the catering company, darling,” the wife simpered back as though struck with a thought. “She’s certainly dressed like them.” Her saccharine-smile was betrayed by cold, smug brown eyes.

An excited commotion could be heard behind them in line, but Sam didn’t dare glance away.

Remember, Traynor. Fixed eye contact. Bullies look for weakness.

She smiled back. “I wouldn’t say you paid Good Money to be here, did you?” She took a bite of lemon tart, savoring the acerbic flavor accented by a light sugary texture.

“What do you mean?” The couple replied in unison matching their haughty glares.

“You really should have better security on your Omni-tool. I mean, any old desk-jockey could just waltz right in and see that your asari mistress scored you free tickets. An asari mistress in the quarian slave trade, no doubt. Tsk tsk.”

The glaring transitioned to sputtering, confusion from the husband and outrage from the wife. 

“Oh don’t worry, I reported her to the authorities for tax evasion, too. I mean, how else will your tax dollars pay my salary, right? It's the only way I can afford to eat such delicious tarts.” And Samantha took another large satisfying bite before saluting with the pastry, turning on her heel, and walking proudly off to go find Mary and Lydia.

The couple stepped out of line to argue, hands gesturing wildly. They turned to leave when they walked straight into the source of the commotion: Commander Annelise Shepard flanked by Gunnery Chief Ashley Williams and Tali’Zorah nar Rayya. All 3 women stood, hands on hips, glaring back at the pair. The two fled the hall, pushing past other lines in a desperate bid to save their dignity.

Ash and Tali burst into laughter before spotting Garrus Vakarian waving them over to a photo op with the turian hierarchy. Shepard remained behind, watching the dark-haired lieutenant disappear into the crowd. Her eyes crinkled and she suppressed an airy laugh.

“What are you so happy about, Shepard?”

“What do you mean?”

“You’re smiling.”

“Am I?” Commander Annelise Shepard tried for nonchalance as she helped herself to a fresh lemon curd tart. She sniffed the confection, intrigued. She had never seen anything like it, but she couldn’t wait to try it.

“You are. It’s been awhile.” The asari in a low-necked evening gown came up and wrapped a hand around Shepard’s elbow, careful of the sling that held her left arm hugged tight to her chest.

“Oh, uh, yea. There’s just been a lot on my mind lately.”

“Well, I’m grateful for whatever it was.”

“Me too, Liara. Me too.”

And for the rest of that night Shepard’s smile came a little easier.

[prophetandprincess]

Mass Effect #2

Am I going to continue to write snippets from the Normandy as I play this game?Possibly. Will anyone be able to stop me? No.

The Normandy gym was thankfully empty as Nova walked in, setting her water bottle on the floor and tucking a loose piece of hair behind her ear. She had always found it oddly comforting that no matter what planet or ship Nova found herself, gyms always smelled the same. It had been something Nova had held onto on her first cruise, a baby faced recruit at the age of eighteen and still a little scared that she would end up floating out in space like those old movies before humans ever really figured out space travel. Everything in her life had changed since then, but this smell was the one thing that stayed the same. 

Nova wouldn’t consider herself a gym rat by any stretch of the imagination, but the one thing you could always count on no matter where you were stationed, even if it was a small closet with a couple of weights, was somewhere to workout. There was a reason military personnel were always in the gym, it was sometimes the only place they could go to be left alone for a while. You didn’t have to make small talk or pretend to be interested in anything other than what your body was doing. Usually Nova sought this little slice of seclusion out to help get her thoughts in order, giving her body something to do while her brain worked. 

Nova took time to wrap up her hands, the last thing she needed was a stupid injury while hunting Saren, and stretch a bit before walking up to the punching bag. She didn’t know why the conversations with Kaiden and Liara continued to rattle around in her head when she had a free moment, but she was hoping to work through it before she left the gym tonight. The only reason it hadn’t driven her mad already was because there hadn’t been many free moments with renegade L2 biotics and taking out a mercenary band that was run by a diplomat’s sister along with all the military mandated paperwork. 

There’s a lower-deck rumor that she’s, uh, interested in you. As more than a source of Prothean data.

The thud of her right hook landing on the punching bag, sending it swinging slightly, was comforting and familiar. She’d like to know who exactly started that rumor and possibly give them the same treatment. It was true that Nova had spent time with Liara, but that was because she was an expert on the Protheans and overall a very sweet individual. Since when did being nice equate to wanting to be romantically involved with someone? Was it just some bias against the Asari, who were accused of being promiscuous due to the way they reproduce? Had someone just watched way too many porn vids and was hoping for something that wasn’t there? Did a crew member honestly read their interactions incorrectly? 

Then again, maybe Nova had read the interactions incorrectly as well. When she went to speak with Liara later, there was some embarrassment on the good doctor’s part about how their relationship was being viewed. Liara had sworn that it was all strictly professional, but Nova had the feeling the Asari would have been blushing if she was human. Rules and regulations against fraternization were in place for a reason, so that relationships didn’t get someone killed. Luckily, both Liara and Kaidan had been working well together both on the Normandy and in the field. Still, Nova was causing chaos on her own ship because she couldn’t keep her emotions in check. 

We don’t have much downtime these days. And I like being around you. But I – I don’t want to take up your personal time.

An extremely vicious punch to the bag sent it swaying and Nova had to grab it to make it settle. Nova couldn’t deny she liked being around Kaidan too and when he had hinted at being jealous, Nova felt a bit of a rush. It was ridiculous. This wasn’t some first crush in training camp, she was the commanding officer. She was his commanding officer. She should not get entangled with subordinates, not when they were in the middle of attempting to save the world from synthetic AI and possible aliens from fifty thousand years ago. Yet, being around Kaidan and talking to him made the rest of this mission bearable. Nova unleashed punch after punch, throwing in a kick now and again for good measure. 

“Careful Ma’am, you’re going to break the bag,” Nova turned to see Ashley Williams walk in, a small smile on her face. “Bad day?” 

“Just thinking some things through,” Nova said as she took a break and grabbed some water. “Something I can do for you Williams, or are you just here to workout?” 

“I wasn’t sure what I was doing to be honest, a lot of restless energy.” Ashley shrugged as she walked over and positioned herself to hold the punching bag, “but now that I found you, it looks like you need someone to hold this bag, and possibly talk to.” 

“I don’t want to bother you with it. It will work itself out.” Nova didn’t want to pull someone else into the nonexistent drama that she was creating for herself. Both Kaidan and Liara were grown adults, Nova had made her position clear, and it was over. Well, she had made her position clear to Liara, she still wasn’t entirely sure where Kaidan sat with the whole thing, but comments about getting to explore things when all of this was over sounded hopeful as well as a definitive ‘not now’. 

“Might be helpful to say it out loud, Ma’am. Sometimes hearing things spoken gives them a different meaning,” Ashley said around a grunt at a particularly vicious punch. “Is it about Alenko and Dr. T’soni, ma’am.” 

Nova was so startled she almost missed the punching bag, stumbling forward a bit to regain her balance. So it wasn’t a lower deck rumor so much as a full-blown spectacle with spectators and commentators. Fabulous. She wondered if Joker would let her jump out one of the air locks or if he’d been too worried she’d damage the Normandy in some way on the way out. 

“These things happen, Commander, especially with groups that travel as long and as far as we have in constant danger,” Ashley continued quickly. “I’m not judging, but I can see how it might be….aggravating for you.” 

“I’ve already spoken with Liara, our relationship is professional and platonic,” Nova said as she went back to punching, though with far less force. “Though I find it interesting that the crew is so invested in my personal affairs.” 

“And Alenko?” Ashley said after Nova didn’t say anything else, not taking the bait to change the subject and rat out her gossiping crew mates.  

“Off the record?” Nova felt herself blush, but her cheeks were probably already red from the work out so hopefully Ashley wouldn’t notice. 

“Just two women having a chat,” Ashley smiled. “You’re favoring your right side, Commander. Square your hips a bit more. You’ll get more velocity in your punch and also close up the weak spot of your ribs.” 

“Is this what it’s like when you train your sisters?” Nova laughed, but did what Ashley advised and started to put more force into her swings. “Giving them tips to beat men to a pulp while talking to them about their crushes.” 

“My sisters wouldn’t be stupid enough to give me that ammunition to use against them later, or have a crush on someone under their command,” Ashley smiled. 

“Low blow, Williams, but fair.” Nova panted out a laugh. “The relationship between myself and Alenko is as vague as it’s complicated. There has been some flirting, which apparently everyone has noticed, but as Alenko points out often, there are rules and regulations. There shouldn’t be fraternization between crew.” 

“We both know that rule is broken all the time on cruises, even ones that aren’t as tension filled as ours is,” Ashley pointed out after a little ‘oof’ by a kick from Nova against the bag. “However, those relationships usually aren’t a commanding officer and someone directly underneath them, figuratively speaking.” 

“It doesn’t matter either way, Alenko is so straight an arrow that he’d never break those rules. However, I’ll speak to him and attempt to keep the harmless flirting to a minimum,” Nova said it as much to assure Ashley as to remind herself that it was the right thing for a Commander to do. Even if the thought of it pulled at something in her and made her feel a little bit lonely.  

“I didn’t say you had to do that,” Ashley laughed. “We all find it very entertaining to see Kaidan fight between being in control all the time and smiling at you whenever you’re talking to one another. It’s not like there is anything else going on most nights on the ship.” 

“That makes me feel so much better,” Nova laughed as she threw one more vicious punch before stepping back from the bag. “I think I’m done with the workout. Thanks for the assist and the completely off the record conversation and insight.” 

“Any time Commander. What are friends for after all?” Ashley smiled as she came around the bag. “Also, if you ever need a trainer, I could help you tighten up those kicks.” 

“Noted.” Nova couldn’t help but smile at Ashley calling her a friend. It had been a while since Nova had one of those. Did she really ever get her life back after the attack that killed her parents or was it just one test, one training, one mission to get to the next, never looking at anything but the goal. How much of life had she given up to be Commander Shepard. How much more did she have to sacrifice for the good of the Milky Way and the human race?

“Anything else I can help you with Shepard?” Ashley asked as she settled down on one of the weight machines, lifting over a hundred and fifty pounds as if it was nothing. 

“No, thank you. Enjoy your workout William,” Nova said with a smile, before pausing. “You need a spot?” 

“Oh, this isn’t anything major. I just need to get some of this energy out and you weren’t punching hard enough to do it. Besides, I’m pretty sure that you have some reports to write up Commander. Possibly a conversation to have?” Ashley looked up and winked at Nova before going back to her reps. 

Nova shook her head, but headed into the showers. A good hot shower would get the sweat off and also give her time to think about the conversation with Ashley. The one thing Nova did know is that she would write a thousand reports before going to have that conversation with Kaidan. It was going to be a major joy kill, especially because Kaidan would take any sort of rejection infuriatingly well. He took everything infuriatingly well. 

Nova felt like punching something again.

[punkscowardschampions]

Janis & Jimmy

Janis: 🥱🥱 Jimmy: Afternoon Janis: Piss off Janis: it's the crack of dawn Janis: bet the boy ain't even woke up yet to 👀 the decs Jimmy: it's a lie in for me Janis: before you handicapped me, I was getting up pretty early too 🐕🏃 Jimmy: @ Helena and her 💊s Jimmy: that there's the handicap Janis: her back ain't that bad Janis: anyway 💊s aren't gonna make me jolly Jimmy: go on then Jimmy: what do you need, baby? Janis: 😏 Janis: Is that any way for an elf to talk? Jimmy: depends what you 🖋 in your letter to 🎅 Jimmy: might be dead on Janis: You reckon that's top of my list? Jimmy: know what you're like with 👴💕 Janis: 🥇 or nowt Janis: makes Lucas look 🥉 for sure Jimmy: writing lines in detention ain't gonna come close Janis: Only just started this holiday Janis: you need cheering up too 🌧 Jimmy: don't sound like me, that Janis: ☀️ Janis: not much chance of that today ☃️ Jimmy: you not coming then? Janis: You really are on form this AM Janis: very quotable Jimmy: won't be long til 💀👑's getting out her 🛁 of 🩸 for a new day of torture Jimmy: have to sleep when we're ⚰ Janis: grind never sleeps 💪 Janis: so glad she only has 😍 for one 👴 though Jimmy: they've had years to perfect that roleplay Jimmy: must be 🥇 Janis: 🤢🤢 nah Janis: not gonna be able to face breakfast now Janis: 💔 that's why she can't either, awh Jimmy: stop finding common ground, it's 💔 me Janis: Baby Janis: sure if you asked really nicely, they'd let you work a double shift Jimmy: funny Janis: You walked right into that one Jimmy: there'd be nowt 💔😭🎻 for me about walking our kid to you and pissing off to work if you want some alone time with your real boyfriend 🎅 Janis: yeah right Janis: be all good until he starts 💔😭🎻 and I'd have to come find you Jimmy: I get it, you're off the 🎪🤹🤡 clock Janis: just don't reckon I know enough sign language to win him over Jimmy: reckon you could leave it to 🎅 Jimmy: seems like he'd be a traditional kind of #lad, chuffed for you to be 🤐 and just bake the mince pies Janis: 🤤 what can't he do Jimmy: probably wouldn't have got 💀👑's cooking down him any easier than we did Janis: I didn't mind the excuse to go to the bathroom Jimmy: SUCH a 💊head, you Janis: 🙄 Janis: don't judge me, babes Jimmy: just her decor Jimmy: best that bathroom's ever gonna have looked with your giant head blocking out them ugly tiles Janis: should've dashed yours into 'em Jimmy: 🤤🤤🤤 Janis: gutted we didn't get to sleepover Janis: would've had plenty of time to redecorate 🩸 Jimmy: hang on, I'll set one up Jimmy: liven up the group chat Janis: 😂 Janis: you are SUCH a peacekeeper it's SOOOOOOOOOOO cute I can't 😻 Janis: run out of sleeps before 🎅 pays 'em all a visit Jimmy: 💰 on Asia getting into a #scandal thinking if she rubs the coal he gave her on her face she'll have a charcoal face mask ready to go Janis: Can't wait to #cancel her for good Jimmy: just better not have the sleepover here, that kind of casual racism could have her in the running for my new step ma Janis: imagine the unfortunate children Janis: massive heads and bigger teeth Janis: christ Jimmy: don't Jimmy: I'm basically illiterate, they'd be thick as shit Janis: the work would truly NEVER end Janis: you leave her in charge of 'em... 🍄💉🧱🧨🪓🔥 Jimmy: however many 👶 they churned out, she's one more on top of Janis: can't let that happen to you Jimmy: but near worth it for the #goals 👰🤵 pics obvs Janis: you wouldn't even be the cutest page boy Janis: tragic 💔 Jimmy: long as you keep faking your 😍 mate, don't matter Janis: I think I'll manage Janis: 🏆 at stake Jimmy: gotta take at least one job seriously, I'm doing your other Janis: 1. stop any time and let me 2. and your sister when you can't be arsed Jimmy: my sister when I've gotta be audience to your gingerbread masterpiece, more like Jimmy: can't have you going without 👏 Janis: don't throw down the gauntlet if you don't want me to show you how it's done Jimmy: when a lass begs me for a challenge, she gets one Jimmy: just that dickhead Janis: If I was gonna beg, you'd know about it Jimmy: you did and I did Jimmy: stop flirting with me, I've got a kid to shake away Jimmy: *awake Janis: yeah piss off and be useful Janis: 👋 in a few Jimmy: you got that hint then? Know what your room reading skills are like Janis: 'course you do Janis: got to have something to aspire to Jimmy: 🥇 or nowt don't mean cracking on with the second bit, case you need that spelling out an' all Janis: you're the one that's thick Janis: in your own words, spellchecked, I assume Jimmy: and I've still got better social skills, Julie 💔 for you Janis: if I got paid by the hour, I might bother as well 😘 Jimmy: Oi that's a point Jimmy: never left a tip in my jar, you Janis: you mean the one time I came in? Jimmy: you'd have preferred some festive bollocks off the menu, yeah? Jimmy: I'll sort that for next time 🤶 Janis: maybe I preferred another barista boy, and I know how tip jars work, make you share it out all equally 👎 Jimmy: alright but do you know how pockets work? I've got a few of them to slip 💰 in Jimmy: you can have that tip to slide into your new boyfriend's DMs with 😘 Janis: you aren't strippers Janis: if you want to go the hooter route, you're gonna need to make those aprons shorter Jimmy: there's a few 👴👵 who ain't had that memo Jimmy: I'll @ my manager with your 🥇💡 though, see if he'll get it done for this afternoon shift Janis: you're welcome Janis: you'll be cold but swimming in 💰 so who cares Jimmy: northerns don't feel the cold, bit like strippers Jimmy: *northerners Janis: you didn't totally wimp out on the school trip Janis: or the park Jimmy: 💪🏆 me Jimmy: Ian'll be dead proud Janis: yeah Janis: shame about the complexion Janis: leave it out and you can brag and bond Jimmy: 🍻 Janis: heartwarming Jimmy: hang on, this'll have you 💀💀💀 inside again Jimmy: [Bobby's reaction vid to these decs] Janis: Awh Janis: bless him Jimmy: we did alright Janis: you happy too? Janis: no video needed Jimmy: [a pic like 😁👍] Janis: 🤓 Jimmy: *😎🚬 Janis: 👌 honey Janis: does look good Jimmy: he's doing a letter to say tah to Santa, might need you to spellcheck it for us Janis: He's well cute Janis: doubt I'll get mine to do it but her penmanship is shite so he'll look 🥇 in comparison Jimmy: wait til he 👀s mine Jimmy: I'll have to tell him it ain't just a squiggle but actually says tah for the missus and that, mate Janis: 🎅💔 Jimmy: *🎅🥊 Janis: 😂 Janis: long as the kids are distracted by the shit gifts they'll get Jimmy: do you want your shit 🎨🎁 now or in a bit? Janis: give it to me when they get theirs or I'll 🥺 Janis: love ruining christmas, me Jimmy: don't sound like you, that Jimmy: 🥇🎄 work Janis: don't forget the gingerbread house Janis: as I crave that 👏 Jimmy: I'll knock you up a tinfoil 🏆 to go with your 👑 Janis: what you gonna cover your no carb low fat tofurkey with?!!!!? 😱😱😱 Jimmy: you're more important, girl Janis: taste better, is the honest truth Janis: don't need to be a 🧛 to know Jimmy: 😏 Jimmy: I'll stick that in the group chat Janis: you can say it but they're not gonna find out for themselves Jimmy: as constructive criticism goes it ain't bad but no need to take it as an instruction, lasses Janis: 🤢🤢 Janis: stop making me feel ill Janis: I've got to go break the ✨ surprise and get all the 🏆👑 Jimmy: piss off then Janis: TTFN Jimmy: 💕 Janis: [actually skip forward now] Janis: where do you wanna meet? we're ready Jimmy: We'll walk over, get the intros out the way before 🎅 can stick his oar in Janis: 👍 Janis: she's pretty good at pronunciation for a kid but you might have to step in if she gets too chatty Jimmy: keep her on the nice list, I get it Janis: Don't worry, she's not a dick like my sister or anything Jimmy: I weren't Jimmy: you wouldn't have invited her if she were owt like Gracie Janis: Good Janis: we'll be outside ☃️☃️ Jimmy: 👍 Janis: not got any 🚬🕶 going so can't make it in your likeness this time soz Jimmy: long as you get the 👂 and eyebrows sorted you can still tag me Janis: 🪒 Jimmy: 😍 Janis: you deserve a treat too, like Jimmy: I'm just pleased to see you, soz Jimmy: 🚫🔪🔨🔧🪓 Janis: don't worry, santa is coming through for me later Janis: 🤞 for ☣️ Janis: 🥴🤤🤮💀👻 Jimmy: 💰 on your man having a flask of socially acceptable poison Janis: yeah, give him the rosy red cheeks that complete the lewk Janis: nose that looks like a 🍓 Jimmy: that there's the only treat I need 🤤 Janis: 😂 Jimmy: [show up so these bubs can meet and start a lifelong friendship] Janis: [Libi just like bonjour, what are you going to ask Santa for, I'm gonna ask for this and this] Jimmy: [we know Bobby wants art supplies and a camera and we know why lol cue an eye roll from Jimothy as if he isn't buzzing to be loved] Janis: [no pretending that's not adorable, like, just like WHAT IS YOUR FAVOURITE COLOUR CRAYON] Jimmy: [okay but imagine him taking a crayon from behind his ear where jimothy keeps 🚬] Janis: [imagine, Janis just 😏 above their heads like not encouraging bad habits or nothing] Jimmy: [jimmy just looking to see if it's black like his soul or blood red and tutting when it obvs isn't either of those] Janis: [shakes head like what have you been teaching him tbh, Libi saying hers is that bluey silver colour like her mum's hair and we oop] Jimmy: [Bobby just like I don't have a mum anymore cos kids don't give a fuck and Jimmy just like so glad I get to sign this] Janis: [just literally like gurl same! 'cos neither of you can tell a child to shut the fuck up lmao 'my mummy and daddy are dead, what happened to your mum?'] Jimmy: [Bobby just like 'she went away' because we truly know not] Janis: [just like fantastic, so glad we came, bet he's thrilled he invited us now, 'cos we're not even looking, just walking in total silence, meanwhile Libi like oh okay 'If she comes back, I can see her' and then moving on chatting about our dog and what we're getting her for Christmas] Jimmy: [Bobby just like 'my dad's about but you wouldn't want to meet him' and doing an impression of Ian's angry face and then telling her all about Twix because dogs 5ever, making Jimothy give him his phone to show Libi pics of this pup] Janis: ['my granddad could fight him' when you're like Libi shh that's not nice but at least that is amusing as a prospect, also clearly doing a phone swap 'cos you'd have that Killer queen content on yours, Libi being like 'Janis knows loads about dogs and has taught her loads of tricks because she used to be a naughty girl and wee everywhere and eat everyone's shoes' and loling] Jimmy: [Bobby just dangerously close to outting Jimmy's secrets by telling her that he fights Ian sometimes so casual so nbd and then telling her about how Cass did that dog walk the other day and going on and on about how naughty Twix is and all the things she's done] Janis: [JJ y'all gotta pick them up and run so you can shove breakfast in their gobs like nooooooooo 'you're so lucky you've got a brother AND a sister, even though your brother's old too' looking at Jimmy and shaking her head in disdain because that's the age of her aunties and stuff and kids have no concept of age they treat you like you're ancient but at least that's a joke we've had so Janis managing to look at Jimmy like lol, she knows your secret] Jimmy: [the most half hearted 😏 but we're a bit more amused when Bobby starts dragging Cass by doing an impression of how angry she is and stomping about etc as if she's worse than Ian] Janis: [she's cackling in that way babby's do 'you're funny, you're my new friend'] Jimmy: [Bobby is buzzing and we're using Jimothy's phone to have a selfie sesh but also take artsy pics of our new bff as we go along] Janis: [run along you innocent children, like you've not just revealed so much, god bless] Jimmy: [JJ just awkwardly af walking in silence now thanks kids] Janis: [going to apologize like several times but you can't even, where would you begin lmao, pretend it's chill] Jimmy: [chuck some snow at her or like shake a tree branch full of it onto her or something, any distraction will do] Janis: [fall into the safety of that] Jimmy: [if nothing else he's good at that when things are awkward] Janis: [likewise, when we sit down for this breakfast, you can do all the posting thus far] Jimmy: [cheers to the fans for that distraction, meanwhile Jimmy and Bobby can teach Libi some easy signing since we're BFFs and gonna be seeing more of you undoubtedly baby hen] Janis: [lucky for you gal, perks of being but a child, she'd love that 'cos mini nerd and she'll be able to pick it up as most nurseries now do makaton so it's a way into learning it] Jimmy: [at least the bubs are having a lovely time until Santa breaks Bobby's heart by not knowing any] Janis: [truly, a day of drama and stress when you're just trying to do something nice, if that don't sum up xmas] Jimmy: [the tea honey, at least that'll be easy to smooth over like the people I work with are dickheads as well boy, that ain't the real Santa's fault] Janis: [it happens a lot 'cos the shopping centre ones freak kids out rightly so, Libi just blowing raspberries at him like understand this loser 'cos we're a baby bad bitch] Jimmy: [I stan Libi and the way she'll protect him and make him less shy, cos you know we're doing it too after she has and didn't get shouted at lol] Janis: [you've got your prezzies kids, fuck him up, just tugging on Jimmy's sleeve and loudly being like 'What's sign for poopoo head?' 'cos the age hen] Jimmy: [obvs we're showing her and we're not sorry, Jimothy is a bad bitch too okay] Janis: [we're just calling everyone a poopoo head all day now, which I imagine is quite visually obvious because the swears etc usually are] Jimmy: [that has cheered everyone greatly thanks Libi] Janis: [you are a funny egg, at least, hence we can't be mad at you/ignore you because what is that achieving, 'tis not your fault Edie is dead luv] Jimmy: [and Edie wouldn't want that like you can be anti Ruster having her because she wouldn't want that obvs] Janis: [make that the hill and we lowkey ignore everyone else rn, at least in comparison to how everything was before, so it's fine lol, think we are gonna get y'all presents that don't suck and I think you should get pups and name them] Jimmy: [keeping them forever, you cannot destroy them Twix or Killer thank you] Janis: [keep 'em safe, lads, I think you should call yours Star, 'cos huskies are that silvery grey colour too and the names work well together because obviously your dogs are BFFs too] Jimmy: [aw Snow & Star 4ever] Janis: [making Janis make the dogs do little tricks for y'all and then cackling again when she makes 'em poo on Libi's head] Jimmy: [love this so much, also can't forget Jimmy giving Janis the 🎨 which can be when the bubs have their real 🎁 cos fuck you Santa] Janis: [we know she genuinely appreciates them honey, we're always excited to see what he's done] Jimmy: [god knows because he blatantly did it last night after she left/early this morning even before this convo started because never sleep well so] Janis: [you know Libi is gonna be all over that hun like SHOW ME and then being like draw me draw me to Jimmy and Bobby] Jimmy: [they shall honey because we love an art sesh] Janis: [the confidence of a child, just posing here with the dogs] Jimmy: [never change gal never lose it] Janis: [we're clearly making Janis too, then shouting out increasingly complicated things, like, make the dogs pull us on a sleigh, make us flying, like gal, your dreams lol] Jimmy: [Jimothy will never back down from a challenge, he's got you bub] Janis: [don't stress out poor Bobby though, at least you not a rude ass bitch so you wouldn't shade his attempt] Jimmy: [it'd be a cute attempt, BFF status cemented] Janis: [can put up these pics for extra cuteness, hoes will DIE] Jimmy: [I wish we actually had some but alas] Janis: [never be as good as our imagination anyway] Jimmy: [true, is there anything else we wanna have them do before he has to go back to work?] Jimmy: [could go to the park maybe because it's right by his house and thus mcvickers] Janis: [that's a good way to end this day for you kiddos, could also get the dogs which would make them lowkey hysterical with happiness so pop off] Jimmy: [love that cos we know Cass has probably walked the other dogs while they've been out for that cash so no time to take Twix] Janis: [live ya life, get ya things, but now you gotta go to work and we gotta] Janis: Thanks for today, reckon they both enjoyed themselves 👍✔ Jimmy: you're alright, were going any road and I reckon he had a better time with her about Janis: they were cute Janis: and she lives at my nan and granddads so if he wants to hang more, easy done Jimmy: 👍✔ Janis: Yeah Janis: well she doesn't always talk about her dead mum and dad so it shouldn't be a big thing Janis: sorry Jimmy: it weren't a big thing to him Jimmy: nowt for you to be sorry for Janis: It weirds plenty of kids out Janis: I could've warned you, I guess Jimmy: loads of kids reckon he's weird Jimmy: Asia's sister included Janis: some front when you look like your ma fucked a cheese grater Jimmy: her dad weren't at the nativity, might be 'cause he were stuck in a drawer, yeah Janis: dunno if she's got one any more Janis: 💀👑 flex Jimmy: what, like she fucked and ate him? Janis: 🐰🥕 Jimmy: #fated Janis: 💔 they didn't think so Jimmy: 💔 I can't change the station to Classic FM for them 🎻s Janis: Perils of 🎅🎄🎁☃️ Jimmy: ❌🎅 that shithead's 💀💀💀 to us Janis: yeah Janis: and his tunes are shit Jimmy: don't even care how fit that 🍓 were looking Jimmy: SO over him and his 👃 babes Janis: better off without him Janis: you can do SO much better Jimmy: 🖋 us a joke about him being a ho ho HOE Janis: I'll hit up the group chat Janis: their level of humour Jimmy: 🥇💡 Janis: and one of them has always just been dumped so they'll comiserate with you Jimmy: tah huns Janis: nothing if not the BEST friends to have Jimmy: DUH! Only time I'll accept 🥈 Janis: charming that is 😏 Jimmy: I get it 🎅 were a right let down, you need some 💕 Janis: just a bit rude that you're so gracious with them Jimmy: Baby Janis: Such a pisstake Jimmy: their BFF status, yeah Janis: you Jimmy: why me? Janis: you just are Jimmy: you can take it Janis: true Jimmy: I know, that'll be why I said it Janis: we're alright, yeah? Janis: I don't think shit needs to be weird just 'cos 2 kids have got no filter Jimmy: don't it feel like we're alright to you? Janis: it was a bit awkward Janis: but I'm over it if you are Jimmy: nowt to be over from where I'm serving overpriced ☕ Jimmy: just the unpaid translator earlier, me, none of my business what they were going on about Jimmy: if you wanna tell me something, up to you, that Janis: alright Janis: works for me Jimmy: she's world class at signing, won't need me after a bit, any road Janis: bit of a third-wheel Janis: cramp his style with your 🤓 Jimmy: *😎 Jimmy: but alright 🖍 are cooler than 🚬 give him that Janis: gonna usurp you in every way, for sure Jimmy: go on then, what's your fave colour 🖍 ? Janis: the important questions Janis: don't know why it's taken you so long Jimmy: tell me Jimmy: edge of the seat I ain't allowed to put my arse near til my next break Janis: 🎻😞 Janis: goldenrod or inchworm obvs Jimmy: gonna do your next 🎨 in them so 🤞 you took it serious Janis: it's 💛💚 so I'm gonna look like a keylime pie Jimmy: never said I were drawing you, bighead Janis: you will be though Jimmy: not gonna now for the sake of Janis: 1. I know you're tired, grumpy 2. How will they know it's goals??? Jimmy: 1. Bollocks 2. everything I touch turns to #goals, nowt I could do wrong Janis: 1. s'fair, you've been an unpaid translator, an artiste, santa and now barista boy who can't sit down 2. alright, if you want to add Midas to the CV but might be a bit much Jimmy: now I've got your permission I'll draw some eyes on 😎 and grab a quick kip 👍 tah for that, Jillian Jimmy: ❌ that off the CV though, noted Janis: it's fair but life and working a minimum wage job for your living ain't Janis: keep 💭 though and I'll let you focus on it and the overpriced ☕ Jimmy: where's your focus going? Janis: need to get another minimum wage job I can do sitting down so you don't take it over/ban me Jimmy: you were hopping round less today, that just for the kid's benefit or were you 💭 about keeping me out of pocket with a full recovery, like? Janis: 💭 about keeping you out the loop and pretending it's permanent Janis: have you munchausened me or am I munchausening you Janis: real question #2 Jimmy: well done on telling me that plan then Janis: Yeah, you know Janis: when you've pissed off who's gonna carry me about Jimmy: 🎅 Jimmy: you're heavy but not sack of 🎁 heavy Janis: true Janis: he's 💪 Janis: oh well, problem sorted then 👋 Jimmy: Lucas is a poor man's version an' all he'd be alright for a few lifts Jimmy: I'll race back for the funeral, obvs Janis: don't Janis: he actually offered me a lift once after a match and it was very awkward Janis: definitely not meant to do that, but he's a maverick, you know Jimmy: did you offer to take a lit match to his car or what? Janis: I'm not as witty as Libi Janis: but I did get detention for a week, which is funny as, like what you saying for? 'cos I didn't wanna get sexually assaulted and dumped in a ditch? Janis: 💩💩🧠 Jimmy: Stockholm syndrome only works for dickheads like me on dickheads like you 💔 for him Janis: 'scuse me? Jimmy: can't ⛓ you to a desk nowhere but in his dreams Jimmy: could've childlocked you into his motor but his lack of 🥇🗨 pissed on that Janis: If there was anything in his plan for me, might've worked Janis: but I'm not arsed about straight As Janis: 🤞 he tried Mia next Jimmy: she does look like she just crawled out a ditch Jimmy: dunno if we can score him any credit for that though Janis: just the #aesthetic babes Janis: try and look a bit buzzing when they come in, 'cos they will Janis: no need to 💔 them about 🎅 when you can act like it was the best time ever Jimmy: 😒 just my face, nowt personal, Mia Janis: NOT pleased to see her 🔧🔨🧨🪓🔪 Jimmy: I'll fake it if she fakes not being a Scrooge Janis: no need to go that far Jimmy: if you can't be a slag for tips at christmas, when can you, eh? Janis: 🙄😏 Jimmy: Oi, dead serious question, that Janis: I don't do your schedule Janis: though maybe I'll pop a CV in Janis: better or worse than step-mum nightmares? 🤔 Jimmy: Depends Janis: on? Jimmy: you gonna leave the ☕🎨 to me or are we making 🎄🍆 happen? Janis: 1. the #goals answer is the cup ain't big enough to do it justice, alright 2. if you were as good a teacher as Lucas, I might be better but most importantly 3. gonna be your manager, I'll never be there let alone ever make ☕s Jimmy: got it all figured out, you Jimmy: be piss easy for you to answer my next dead serious question Janis: yeah, aside for my total lack of experience for the role, well in Janis: so go on Jimmy: I were just thinking are we too 👰💍🤵? 👵💕👴 ain't #goals unless we're chatting my personal Janis: too domestic, you mean? Jimmy: we've done 👶🐕 if there ain't a christmas eve eve party I'll lose the 🤏 of faith I had in paddy teen humanity Janis: there's always parties Janis: it probably is time to hit another one up Jimmy: nowt to do with Ian clocking off for 🎄 and TOTALLY to do with me being chuffed to bits to give the fans what they're after Janis: 🙌 Janis: worth celebrating, I get it Jimmy: 🍾 Janis: as much as it pains me, I can't say I can't make it Janis: so sure, put in an appearance Jimmy: I get it 💔 you can't dance Jimmy: 🦶🎻🎻 Janis: at least I have an excuse Jimmy: me an' all, it's being a white northern lad Janis: 😂 Janis: I meant an excuse not to be ground on by randomers but yeah Jimmy: still works Janis: 💔💔 Jimmy: don't worry, I'll do my 😭 for pity tips, nowt you need to see Janis: if you're going that kind of party Janis: don't need to invite me Jimmy: I'll tell Doris to chuck her cardi on 💕 she'll love a bit of that Janis: unsurprised Janis: dirty bitch Jimmy: 😍😍 Janis: 🤢 Jimmy: green is right Janis: ha Janis: obviously Jimmy: whatever party we're going to, I will need a slaggy 🤶 ootd Janis: Penneys will have one you can pick up Jimmy: owt you want? Janis: not a fake beard Janis: ❌🎅 Jimmy: already got one of them in me Janis: fuck off Jimmy: in a bit then, Ellen Janis: you aren't funny Jimmy: still working on the 🤹 me Jimmy: ☕☕☕☕☕ Janis: keep at it Jimmy: they're here, should I invite 'em to this party or what? Janis: depends Jimmy: ? Janis: do you want an actual night off or do you wanna have to do #goals shit Jimmy: you heard, can do goals shit without trying Jimmy: do you want a night off? Janis: I asked you first Jimmy: so answer me first Janis: 🙄 Janis: I've had enough time off Janis: my ankle is better Jimmy: alright Janis: so answer Jimmy: I did Janis: Bitch, where Jimmy: I said alright Jimmy: I can do it Janis: no need to tax yourself Jimmy: piss off Janis: I'll go home and decorate mine Jimmy: 👌 Janis: don't invite them and you can actually have a decent time Jimmy: where? it's still a shit party full of dickheads Janis: it's your night off Jimmy: 🙄 Janis: you can't think of a single fun thing to do? Jimmy: if I ain't on your clock I'm on another Jimmy: 👶🐕 Janis: you said your dad was off Janis: is that not the entire point Jimmy: the entire point were I don't wanna be there, not that I don't have to be Jimmy: nowt #goals about pissing about for the sake of Jimmy: if you don't need me to be 🏆 they do Janis: if you don't wanna be there, then don't Janis: it doesn't make any odds if we're being #goals or not Janis: like your dad is really invested Jimmy: nowt I do is for that prick's benefit, didn't reckon that needed spelling out an' all Janis: that's my point Janis: do it for yourself Janis: don't need to pretend you're doing me a massive favour to warrant it Jimmy: what's it doing for me if I ain't? Janis: I don't know Janis: some peace and quiet Janis: time to fucking breathe Jimmy: you heard me, where? Jimmy: tisn't the season, mate Janis: for fuck's sake Janis: I never said I had all the answers for you Jimmy: don't have a go at me just 'cause I ain't chuffed at the prospect of becoming a ⛄ walking the streets of this shithole taking deep breaths or some bollocks Janis: you stop having a go at me first and we'll be quits Janis: sorry I don't have any top ideas of what you can do Janis: if I did we wouldn't need to bother with this bullshit Jimmy: 👍 Janis: whatever Jimmy: tah for that Janis: just piss off and do some work Jimmy: going against your night off stance but alright Jimmy: not the hill you wanna 💀💀💀 on Janis: whatever you're gonna do, you're still on the 🕡 right now Jimmy: weren't reckoning I had this apron on 'cause it makes me look even more fit and mysterious Jimmy: just a bonus, that Janis: funny Jimmy: come to the party with me, dickhead Janis: you're so frustrating Jimmy: how else you gonna prove to me your ankle is better and get your 🐕🏃💰 back? Jimmy: come on Janis: alright Jimmy: alright Janis: I thought you wanted to go alone Jimmy: what for? Janis: be off my 🕡 Jimmy: this is the easiest job I've got Jimmy: and before you start, NOT saying you are Janis: I'm not starting nothing Janis: it just pisses me off when you act like it's all my idea, or I wanna do it Janis: it's mutually beneficial, that's the point Janis: and the rest of them are the ones 👀 & 💬 Janis: not me Jimmy: it were my idea, I ain't forgotten that or why it's a 🥇 Jimmy: I'm a mardy prick, can't fake that I ain't all the time Janis: I'll survive Jimmy: I'll make it up to you Janis: don't need to Jimmy: but we both need Ian's stash more than him Janis: not gonna argue with that Jimmy: mutually beneficial, I heard you Janis: he can enjoy some sober family fun Janis: I'm not going to enjoy any party if I'm not at least a bit buzzed Jimmy: you can be pissed as 💀#2 were by round 2 of that game if you want, used to carrying you by now Janis: considering how much we've eat today Janis: literally impossible Jimmy: 💔 I can't accept that challenge 'cause I ain't no lightweight Jimmy: feels wrong turning one down Janis: what else is a party for Janis: be loads of others to 🥇 Jimmy: quick, give me one I can do now before I vanish 👻👋 Janis: 🤔🤔 hmm Janis: I don't know much about this ☕😍 life Janis: but how many non-dairy orders can you 🐄 up before any of 'em notice and complain Janis: trusting you not to bullshit, dickhead Jimmy: I swear on our kid's fake 🐕 Janis: hope the real one ain't savaged poor snow Janis: will be all your fault, obvs Jimmy: sounds like her, that Jimmy: and me getting the blame'd be about right an' all Jimmy: 🤞🤞 Janis: Poor baby Jimmy: you better mean me Janis: 'course I mean you Jimmy: know what you're like 🐕💕 Janis: didn't even buy myself one, firstly Janis: and secondly, you know you're 🥇 don't be jealous Jimmy: I'd have nicked you one but 👀 and 👂 already got our sticking a 🖍 behind his Jimmy: no need to turn 'em into baby Bonnie and Clyde Janis: thank god he's cute Janis: or it'd be baby borstal Janis: use the disability card and there's nothing he can't do 😎🖍 Jimmy: and then it'd be baby 👻 'cause he'd never hack that Janis: 🥺 Janis: got that from you and all Jimmy: how much bollocks were yours 🗨? Janis: I know you're gutted she got your number Janis: 👴 Jimmy: shut up Jimmy: is there owt you can do for our real 🐕 or what? Janis: Oh Janis: well, yeah Janis: that's the side hussle 'cos the rich cunts who cba to walk their own dogs also cba to train 'em, oddly enough Jimmy: it's too 💰💰💰 for us poor lads then Janis: not necessarily Janis: need the funds myself so we can do 💰 and a favour Jimmy: if you're 💭 mates rates he weren't 🗨 bollocks about how 😈🐕 it is Janis: it can't be worse than that thing was Janis: Killer ain't a funny nickname 'cos it was so 😇 Jimmy: might have to be a big favour, all I'm saying Janis: if you can't afford it Jimmy: made 2 🐄☕ with no 🤬 or 💩 already, be alright Janis: 🤞 Jimmy: 🤝? Janis: you don't want to hear what favour I might want? Janis: brave Janis: but a deal Jimmy: I ain't scared of giving you owt you might want, Jules Janis: Good Jimmy: 👍 Janis: be a really boring party otherwise Jimmy: can't have that Janis: would be gutted Janis: and I do owe you for all the kid time today Jimmy: #notallsantas Jimmy: you'll get no 💔 off me Janis: not what I want Janis: but I did miss being alone with you Janis: I know she's a lot Jimmy: she's alright Janis: she's just a kid Janis: she don't know no better Jimmy: 🥈 to 😎🖍 obvs but I rate her as kids go Janis: duh, that 💕🥇 is mutual Jimmy: he's got no mates here yet, it were a 🏆 day for him Janis: I'm glad Janis: she liked him too Janis: wouldn't shut up Jimmy: he's probs still going on to my sister an' all Janis: gonna owe her something now Janis: probably a bit better than a cuddly 🐕 Jimmy: she's done alright out of the 🐕🏃💰 she'll live Janis: she don't need to re-cripple me for the gig Janis: plenty of 🐕🏃💰 to go 'round, don't need to be 14 for that Jimmy: she'll be 💔 you don't wanna 🥊 but yeah Jimmy: she can't be arsed to do ours but I don't blame her when it's Ian's 💰 Janis: I don't make it a habit 👶🍭 Jimmy: brb gotta @ her that fighting 🗨 Janis: such a shit-stirrer Janis: it's alright, not tryna be your new step-mum, don't need to parent-trap me Jimmy: it's called making coffee when it's my 9-5, babe Janis: 😂 get him some chalk he's had an 💭💡 Jimmy: can do my 🐄☕ tally an' all Janis: make your least fave colleague clean the bogs today Jimmy: whoever the lad is you said you liked ✔ Janis: 😨 Jimmy: 😏 Janis: trying to turn everyone against me, I 👀 Janis: only going to have to make it up to him, think on Jimmy: not if I do first 😘 Janis: 🐍 Jimmy: bit of editing that's a 🍆📏 compliment Janis: UGH Janis: bastard Jimmy: 😂 Janis: you always go on about just the tip so Janis: can't confirm nor deny ladies 💁🙊 Jimmy: one way to get me to do nudes Janis: Eurgh, don't Janis: I'll hype you up in the tweets, fine Jimmy: go on then Janis: alright Janis: [least subtle posts ever 'cos a challenge] Jimmy: [cue a flirting via socials sesh because love that for you two always] Janis: [always a mood] Janis: so goals Jimmy: Where do you reckon 💀👑 is on the scale? Janis: 😠 Janis: but if she does come to this party Janis: 🤬 potential Jimmy: but you ain't factored in she can see my 😍 IRL Jimmy: have another go Janis: 😡 Janis: so festive of her Janis: #2 bringing the 🤢 Jimmy: proud of you Janis: Babe 😊😌 Janis: are they all there? Jimmy: yeah Janis: wow ✨ miracles never cease 🙄 Jimmy: 👀 🛍 about to go ask if there's owt for us Janis: real 🎅 right there Jimmy: gonna pretend I can't understand her answer Jimmy: if that other dickhead can get away with it Janis: 😏 Jimmy: Where's Libi when I need her? Janis: she could rinse them Jimmy: I'd dip into the tip jar to see it Janis: too bad she's probably having her tea right now Janis: downsides of being 4 Jimmy: can't promise her owt better off this menu Janis: sounds like too much excitement for one day Janis: my nan'll be fuming Jimmy: I'll be round to make it up to her in a bit 🦷🌹🦷 Janis: no tah, Romeo Jimmy: spoilsport Janis: you wanted an outfit, I'm out 👀 🛍 Jimmy: watch your 🦶 in the stampede Janis: it's mental Janis: 🥊 for the bargains Jimmy: do you a 🥊 alongside my 🐄☕ Jimmy: high scores over here Janis: you're on Jimmy: 🖋👂 til my next break Janis: cute Jimmy: Bill's 👻 on at me to write you a sonnet Janis: how many did he crack out? Janis: so many hoes Jimmy: I'd ask but he's flirting now Jimmy: never takes a break, him Janis: Oh Bill Janis: the slutty friend in this sitcom Jimmy: *romcom Janis: so soz Jimmy: 😘 Janis: can't believe how cliche this shit is and we're still getting new fans Jimmy: just that good Janis: thanks, I am Jimmy: said it before Jimmy: as a muse, you're 🥇 Janis: you're not so bad yourself Jimmy: I'll aim my 😳 at their table, tah for the MASSIVE compliment Janis: I could do better but Jimmy: ? Janis: maybe it'll make me 😳 Jimmy: you're in hell, there's your excuse Jimmy: *🥵 Janis: I already know what we're gonna do at this party and honestly, I would've come even if you didn't want me to Janis: 'til you you did Jimmy: will you come here? Janis: yes Jimmy: 🚫🏃 Janis: okay Janis: but now, yeah? Jimmy: what kind of question is that? Janis: One I want you to answer Jimmy: one you know the answer to Jimmy: 'course now Janis: 👍 Janis: hold on Jimmy: I don't care if they're still here, that's not why Janis: No? Jimmy: I'll still want you here when they've pissed off Janis: I know Janis: I wanna be there Janis: you know, with you Jimmy: I know it gets a bit Jimmy: what I mean and don't Jimmy: what's for them and what's for you Janis: headfuck Janis: but we both knew that Jimmy: yeah Janis: I can handle it Jimmy: I wouldn't have picked you if I didn't reckon you could Janis: not a total bastard Jimmy: just 🤏 Janis: I like it Jimmy: obvs, your type is 🎅 Janis: 💩heads? Janis: maybe Jimmy: works for me Janis: [show up gal] Jimmy: [have an epic makeout sesh in front of all these shoppers going past and the gals inside 👀🍿 through the huge windows] Janis: [you've earnt it] Jimmy: [and Mia always deserves to be fuming] Janis: [very true honey, we know you and Pablo is all but over now] Jimmy: [he won't have bought you any goals gifts, what are you gonna do buy them yourself and imply they are from him? awkward] Janis: [didn't come to your friendmas even though you told him to, he's not serving his purpose hen] Jimmy: [notp in every sense] Janis: [we been knew, bye gals, we aren't remotely thinking about you rn] Jimmy: [lowkey never are, you're a flimsy excuse at most huns] Janis: [one we don't need currently] Jimmy: [are you coming in when his break is over or are you off again gal?] Janis: [we're coming in 'cos he asked you to stay] Jimmy: [we'll make you food you actually wanna eat, it's been ages since breakfast] Janis: [just try and find somewhere to perch and chill] Jimmy: [we'll do you the favour of saying Mia made the gals storm past you mid makeout or whatever so you don't have to sit with them] Janis: [lmao imagine, bring your festive spirit down more than the kids chatting up a storm earlier lmao] Jimmy: [that's the last thing we need, he'd get in trouble by letting you sit in the staff area before he made you share their table lol] Janis: [should do that, you know his managers long gone for xmas lol] Jimmy: [honestly go ahead gal we haven't done any of the getting in trouble stuff yet so his record is spotless rn] Janis: [us 😈 lmao] Jimmy: 👍? Janis: 👍 Janis: like what you've done with the place Jimmy: it were a bit more 🎄 but some dickhead nicked loads of it Janis: shocking Janis: some people have no shame Jimmy: if you reckon that's bad, you'll never get your head round how some people spend their 🚬 breaks, Judith Jimmy: enough to make you 😳 Janis: The people with holes and ink all over their body have bad habits? 😱 Janis: will not hear of it Jimmy: SO pure 😇 Janis: you had a costume change of 💘? Jimmy: that one's gotta be yours, Tiny Tim, for seeing the good in everyone's 💘 Janis: cheers for not calling me a 🐷 anymore, I guess Jimmy: you're welcome 🐸 Janis: 😏 Janis: don't fancy eating flies though Jimmy: Dunno if I could keep faking 😍 for you and your new diet Janis: it is a big ask Janis: wonder if I can convince the gals it's the new thing though Jimmy: nowt more #goals than a lad who'll pick flies out of his 🦷🦷 for you Jimmy: they'll FINALLY know their 💕 is real Janis: Beautiful, truly Jimmy: I'll pass it on to Bill's 👻 Janis: bit rude that he's not solely focused on our story Jimmy: *I'll 👻🥊 Janis: hot Jimmy: that's the ☕ I'm 🤹 Janis: I couldn't actually work here Jimmy: I couldn't actually have you work here Janis: fight for the tips too real Janis: I get it Jimmy: that'll do for why Janis: go on Jimmy: what? Janis: give me the bulletpoints Jimmy: you're alright 🤓 Janis: tah, babe Jimmy: and I'm alright for not 🖋 you a naughty list Jimmy: which you know were what I meant Janis: you're 🤹 Janis: I know Janis: can't blame me for trying Jimmy: you heard me #notallsantas Jimmy: don't wanna watch you sleep either, tah Janis: I appreciate you saying that Janis: don't sound at all like you're gonna Jimmy: 👀 Janis: thank god the sleepover didn't happen Janis: you and 💀👑 meet over my corpse Jimmy: I'll sort a new one since you're 💔 Janis: with who? Jimmy: I'm just the 💪🏆 Jimmy: up to you, that Janis: 🎅👴😎☕ Janis: party Jimmy: and what, we all chuck our 🔑s in a bowl? Jimmy: or just pass you around Janis: UM Janis: how dare you, we do face masks and watch movies Jimmy: 🥱😴 Janis: 😱😱 BABES Janis: 😭 Jimmy: SOZ Janis: you are SO uninvited from the gangbang now Jimmy: 😭😭😭 Janis: it's me who's a 🍆 down Janis: you're so selfish Jimmy: if you've still got that 🪒 it's easily sorted Janis: bit rapey Janis: 😎☕ is basically an open invitation in this place Jimmy: no need to just castrate me with your 🗨 Jimmy: there's my consent Janis: you aren't bleeding out yet Janis: sorry Jimmy: I'll stop it with the steam wand Janis: ooh Janis: resourceful Jimmy: Oi, don't sound so surprised, dickhead Janis: I didn't expect you to have really considered castration that much, tbh Janis: but yes 💪🧠 Jimmy: never gonna unlock all my kinks with that attitude Janis: 😂 Janis: you're keeping the list 🔒 Jimmy: when you're ready for it, I'll give you the bulletpoints Janis: How am I not ready for it? Jimmy: you're here for a start Jimmy: what are we gonna do get a wet floor sign out and stick a 🧹 through the door handle? Janis: are we going to do that? Jimmy: that on your list? Janis: Well, it is now Jimmy: good, 'cause we ain't gonna have time to do more than the one ✔ before Doris is kicking off for her ☕ or invite Janis: She can wait Janis: I don't want to share you right now Jimmy: [showing up for 😈 antics because his manager ain't here and we don't care what our co-workers think] Janis: [live your best lives guys there is no reason not to] Jimmy: [Pete if you're here ILY and you would do the exact same with your gf so but fuck the rest of y'all truly] Janis: [maybe not exactly the same if you're a little less extra but yes, we aren't interested] Jimmy: [you're a bit older and chiller but you know] Janis: [soz you aren't living a romcom lmao god bless] Jimmy: [JJ out here doing the most and living their dreams from day 1] Janis: [we just skirting around our trauma and trying to live and be young and I love that for you] Jimmy: [literally imagine just having to go back to work like 👋 in a bit as if that didn't just happen I always die thinking about stuff like this] Janis: [lol your life, hence I think you should go back out shopping for a bit girl 'til he's ready to leave] Jimmy: [thank god you're both shameless because even though nobody would've heard anything with the christmas tunes and how busy it is, everyone totally knows] Janis: [y'all aren't subtle, enjoy the #bants and/or disgust from your coworkers Jimothy soz] Jimmy: [making friends everywhere he goes, you're welcome for the fact you're gonna get sacked from here because you're not leaving Dublin in a hot sec like you think you are] Janis: [you're all teens/young adults, y'all be getting messy in all the ways, don't judge lol] Jimmy: [mhmm and we know the kinda hipster peeps who be working there ain't it so shhh] Janis: that girl with the pink hair and neck tat gave me the biggest evils Jimmy: it's just her face Jimmy: 😒 part of our uniform Jimmy: and her hair's rose gold, very festive of her, get it right Janis: roots down to her eyebrows and all Janis: tell your girlfriend she's safe it's #fake Jimmy: oh Ashleeeee Jimmy: I'll tell her to get down the salon Janis: or stick a santa hat on Janis: problem solved if she covers her face with it too Jimmy: she'd probably make a better ☕ blind an' all Janis: you're 🥇 are you? Jimmy: you're asking questions you know the answer to again Janis: I don't drink it, I can't comment Jimmy: it weren't a #humblebrag she's a 🎄 temp, can't do fuck all but 😒 and gone before her roots'll reach her chin Janis: makes sense Janis: least you can blame the 🐄☕ on her Jimmy: except 💀👑 and co's, reckon they'll know that were me, if they ever know Janis: none of them are asking for no 🐄 'cos it makes them shit their brains out Janis: but that extra 1/8 lbs will give it away 😣 😖 😫 😩 🥺 😢 😭 😤 😠 😡 🤬 🤯 Jimmy: if it made 'em 💩 they'd ask for it, hoard the laxatives for another day, I get it Janis: True Janis: 🙄 Jimmy: soz if you find any 💩 in the changing rooms though, mate Jimmy: 🐄☕ well into double figures Janis: that's just any other day for Penney's Janis: but I'll sign your name if you like Jimmy: Tah Janis: gold sharpie Janis: make it festive Jimmy: just like that, going from muse to artist, you Janis: A ⭐ is born Janis: don't ruin it for me when I get my grammy and you're an alcoholic Jimmy: nowt fake about their 💕 Jimmy: if you don't go that hard for me when my missus, Ashlee is front row, you ain't having that oscar Janis: 😏 Janis: only to catch her 😒 on camera Jimmy: bollocks, in it for the 👏👏🌹👏 you Janis: you're just in it to be serenaded so don't @ me mate Jimmy: not denying it Janis: 😍 x1000 Jimmy: owt to give me a break from these fucking 🎄🎵 Janis: reckon the staff here have gone full zombie Janis: 💀 in the 👀 and 🧠 Jimmy: bit rude of you not to leave me for 💀💀💀 back there Jimmy: could be us rotting but you're playing 💔 Janis: Rosie was gonna passive-aggressively ask me to buy something or leave if I didn't Jimmy: taking orders from her'll do nowt for them gay rumours Jimmy: need a #LAD to tell you what to do, duh Jimmy: I'll give you a shout when I find one Janis: Shut up, s'why I left before she could say fuck all Janis: and how are there gonna be any gay rumours when the reason she's pissed off is 'cos she's jealous Jimmy: depends who she's jealous of Janis: if she's gay that's her problem Janis: but she's jealous of me, FYI Janis: take the compliment Jimmy: don't sound like me, that Jimmy: you're the 👏👏🌹👏 chaser Janis: 1. rude 2. bollocks Jimmy: 1. ain't much of a compliment if she fancies me 2. I'll have you know my head's genetically this big Janis: you know what you look like and you're well 😏 about it Janis: not saying you're wrong Jimmy: I know what she looks like an' all Janis: not like she's the only one 😍 is it Jimmy: my inbox is as full as yours Janis: yeah Jimmy: so you've got nowt to be jealous of Janis: I'm not jealous Jimmy: what then? Janis: I'm just saying she is Janis: fuck sake big head, don't get it twisted Jimmy: don't get a mard on Janis: I'm not, idiot Jimmy: 👌 Janis: Are you? Jimmy: ? Janis: in a mood? Jimmy: why would I be? Janis: I don't know Janis: why would I be, like Jimmy: 😒 ain't in your job description Janis: I'm not Janis: I only left so you could actually get some work done Janis: that's all Jimmy: alright Janis: don't actually care what your coworkers reckon but you do have to work with them Janis: least for a while longer Jimmy: I'll live Janis: it's about making shit easier Janis: not harder, yeah Jimmy: you did Jimmy: not saying I'm 😁👍 or nowt but Janis: not even a little? Janis: shit review, that Jimmy: you can have one of the dead eyed ones 😀 or 😃 Janis: I'd rather 😒 Jimmy: [a 😒 selfie like there you go ILY] Janis: tah Jimmy: I rate you, you know I do Janis: shh Jimmy: not gonna sing it but Janis: if we've got to be a romcom Janis: not being one with a musical number Jimmy: won't argue 🤐 Jimmy: #notallnortherners 🎭🩰🎤 Janis: you're warning me how embarrassing you're gonna be at this party Janis: I get it Jimmy: can't say you ain't been now Jimmy: #notalldaddys an' all Jimmy: dickhead dad if I'm owt Janis: however goals that may be Janis: I'd sooner grate my face off Jimmy: you always know EXACTLY what to say Jimmy: really fulfil my nursing kink, that will Janis: how great would you look if you stayed with me Janis: my only positive, gone Jimmy: Piss off Jimmy: be even more mysterious to make up for losing how fit you are Janis: 😶😶😶 Janis: what is she thinking Jimmy: 🤯🤯🤯 Janis: do you if you like Janis: #muteandcute Jimmy: the couple who self harms together are obvs gonna stay together Janis: 💀💀 means forever 😃😃 Jimmy: long as it don't backfire when everyone reckons I've been cracking onto Asia's dad 💋 Janis: reunite 'em for the holidays Janis: ✨💕 Jimmy: you're really earning that 😇 costume for tonight Janis: you'll still steal the show, babe Jimmy: you ARE the show, babe 👀🍿🔪 Jimmy: Ashleeeeeee's got nowt on 💀👑 Jimmy: or my long lens Janis: 😂 Janis: dope Jimmy: promise not to do you like princess di, know you'd hate everyone going on about you for that long Janis: what good is 👏👏🌹👏 if I can't 👂 Janis: obvs Jimmy: 👻 perks Jimmy: get to be a right nosy dickhead forever Janis: suits you Janis: no 🧛 perks except the taste Jimmy: 🦷🦷 suit you Jimmy: what about 💪🏆🏃🥇? Janis: that's just me Jimmy: SUCH an athlete Jimmy: I've heard Janis: I'll show you if you ever stop fussing and nursing Jimmy: BUT 🥺 Janis: I know Janis: but I need a redemption arc Jimmy: nowt wrong with 😈 Janis: falling on my arse though Janis: 👎 Jimmy: 👍 for me Jimmy: but I get it, you wanna impress me Janis: if I wanted to impress you, I just would Janis: it's easy Jimmy: 🗨 is Janis: you'll 👀 Jimmy: *📷 Janis: if you can catch me Jimmy: challenge accepted Janis: 💪 Jimmy: tah very much, compliment accepted an' all Janis: when you out? Jimmy: [a time which I hope isn't forever away because work sucks enough without your co-workers gossiping about your love life] Janis: 👍 Janis: might compliment you then Jimmy: you find a party? Janis: [a selection of, 'cos these teens are extra] Jimmy: we gonna #bless the one or do a tour? Janis: a tour is actually a good idea Janis: fuck it up Janis: go before it's really shit Jimmy: there you go again sounding 😱😱 that I've had a 🥇💡 Janis: like I'm meant to reckon every 💭 you have is golden Jimmy: glad we're on the same 📖 FINALLY Janis: 🙄 Janis: I'm on a whole new book, babes Jimmy: alright, give us a chance Jimmy: basically illiterate Janis: awh Janis: keep practising on those coffee cups hun Jimmy: good job I nicked our kid's 🖍 Janis: long as it weren't a swap Jimmy: @ nspcc Janis: you're alright Janis: this country is infamous for not giving a shit about kids Jimmy: that'll be why Ian brought us here Janis: if he tries to give you to some nuns, run Jimmy: into their arms #kinkunlocked Janis: sure that's another costume Janis: want an outfit change? Jimmy: not very festive though, is it? Jimmy: if I were the baby Jesus, that's one thing, but his groupies Janis: well you can't go as baby Jesus Janis: that's obscene Janis: and where am I getting a loincloth as this hour, thank you Jimmy: such a letdown, you Jimmy: seen you piss about and craft a 🐑 for fuck's sake, it's ALMOST like you DON'T WANT to make this happen for me Janis: it's almost like you're a complete exhibitionist Jimmy: Lucas would support me, knew I should've picked him Janis: no one's stopping you Jimmy: UGH and now you're not even gonna fight for me 😭😭 Janis: you'll come crawling back when he's trying to pick up more 12 year olds again Jimmy: less of a rom com more of a crimewatch reconstruction Janis: you, the clueless wife who had NO idea Janis: sure, Sharon Janis: turning a blind eye so you didn't have to fuck him Jimmy: chuffed he's pissing off out so I can watch telly without his loud breathing doing my head in Janis: You're an Emmerdale fan, definitely Janis: neighbours and home and away in the afternoons Jimmy: Doctors is my top pic though obvs Janis: your only friends are the characters in your stories Janis: sad, honestly Jimmy: Oi don't forget the 🐩 I'm starting to look like Jimmy: it hates me, obvs, so I get why you didn't 💭 Janis: it doesn't want you to baby it but it's all you wanted it for Jimmy: he won't put a 👶 in me and that's 💔 but OMG it's just like one of my fave plots #conflicted Janis: Sharon, you're barren Janis: you need to come to terms with it Jimmy: DUN DUN DUN Jimmy: but it's me doing my own piss poor drum roll Janis: 😂 meanwhile, casual serial killer b plot with your mans Jimmy: Sharon, you're having a mental breakdown Jimmy: this is a REAL doctor's office Janis: not you trying to seduce your fave doctor and it's actually your GP and he's gonna call the psych ward Jimmy: 🚨🚨🚨 Jimmy: your man is gonna pin his crimes on you, hun Janis: omg Janis: when the truth outs, you're gonna be fully gone Janis: maybe in a cheeky coma Jimmy: bit of amnesia so I reckon I did do it an' all Janis: oh god Janis: so like a woman Janis: just lethal inject me 'cos I'm a monster who can't even have kids Jimmy: Oh Sharon Janis: Lucas will keep getting away with it for 4 more seasons Janis: then your ghost will pop up and it'll all get sorted in an ep Jimmy: I'll work with the 👻s of his victims, grab a spin off out of it Janis: full circle, you watching your show from your armchair in your dark, depressing lounge Jimmy: 🎨 Janis: welcome for the A on your next art project Jimmy: IOU Janis: not bothered about credit Jimmy: alright, what do you want? Janis: 🤔 Jimmy: go on Janis: I need to think of an idea right now? Jimmy: 🚫⏲ Jimmy: just no need to hold back if you've already got one Janis: I'll take my time Janis: no point saying something now, thinking of something I want more later Jimmy: won't have you 🖋🩸 it's alright Jimmy: if you change your mind, just tell me that Janis: you're bad at business Jimmy: that'll be why I ain't the manager Janis: 💔 babe Janis: the free time you'd have 🤯🤯 Jimmy: could train my own 🐕 Janis: hey now Janis: that's my 💰 Jimmy: real 💔 Janis: in it for the 👏👏🌹👏💰💰 Jimmy: I got that Janis: 👍 Jimmy: 👍 Janis: hush Janis: got outfits to buy and christmas tunes to hear for the 42nd time today Jimmy: I won't serenade you then Janis: if you can get a christmas 🥇 then I will 👰💍🤵 for the royalties Jimmy: alright, piss off I need to crack on with that and you've got a 👰💍🤵 to plan Janis: 👋😘 Jimmy: 💕 Janis: [party time] Jimmy: [obvs we just want them to have a nice time but have you got anything specific in mind?] Janis: [hmm, obvs the main party is tomorrow, so we can be more chill, but we can also make drama if we want 'cos yolo] Jimmy: [I was thinking at one of the parties they hit they should see Mia cheating again cos Pablo is on the outs and also she just would anyway] Jimmy: [but that could be today or tomorrow like] Janis: [we should do today 'cos you ain't the focus tomorrow remotely hun, and it's just fun] Jimmy: [agreed, the focus tomorrow is being festive af as always, as much fluff as I can clutch with my grabby hands] Janis: [so if anything, get drama that isn't them, aka flat whites etc out tonight] Jimmy: [love it because Mia would think she was being so sneaky but we see you hen] Janis: [merry christmas beech] Jimmy: [gather that blackmail lads, you'll want it when she gets him sacked by being a Karen] Janis: [yep thanks for not before xmas at least] Jimmy: [I'm sure she's wishing she could rn] Janis: [too bad you walked out in disgust lmao it got so much worse] Jimmy: [sucks to suck gals] Janis: [what drama can we do with y'all hmm] Jimmy: [unrelated but can we say they're drunk in love enough that he stays at mcvickers because Ian sucks and we don't need that in our lives] Janis: [yes, just know the Libi is gonna come in in the AM to wake you up and out you lol] Jimmy: [ngl LOVE that even if you two won't] Janis: [in my mind if she ain't snuck in Janis' bed before she's even home, she comes in well early as kids do so LOL] Jimmy: [he's used to that with Bobby cos that boy is always sleeping with him we know] Janis: [and I alluded to it in a previous convo so go us, anyway, yes, that can totally happen, it wouldn't be far if he had to run so makes sense] Jimmy: [it's beyond obvious that you both never wanna leave each other so] Janis: [let's not lie to ourselves lads except lowkey we do lol] Jimmy: [tbf this is the first time you've had a chance to get drunk together since fake dating started cos we didn't have enough booze on the school trip and unlike the flatwhites you aren't lightweights who got drunk during that friendmas game sesh] Janis: [hohohohohoh the potential] Jimmy: [evil laugh x 3 because Winnie is too] Janis: [let's hit up this first shit party, idk if she genuinely got you a costume to put on or what, Imma say yeah but idk if I have anything particularly festive for you so I'll have to look] Jimmy: [I hope she did, what's more festive than crossdressing] Janis: [get it boy, you'll look hot and no one can deny] Jimmy: [she should be an angel like in Hazel's book even if we can't document the lewk] Janis: [I'm sure I'll be able to find that content somehow] Jimmy: [I'm not even gonna try because I know I won't, Ezra Miller and Harry Styles can only do so much and I don't think they've been festive lol] Janis: [yeah, I'm trying to think of like a movie or something where it was a thing hmm] Janis: [oh, the try guys do it, maybe eugene?] Jimmy: [body shots have to happen at one of these shit parties because #mood] Janis: [very easily done with your lewks lol] Jimmy: [that's what I was thinking, just think of all the love bites there would actually be too though what a statement] Janis: [turns up to your function in no clothes, excuse me, y'all are already on one today, there will be no chill we know it] Jimmy: [tipsy before we get there as well tah Ian] Janis: [thank you for nothing but that dickhead] Jimmy: [and actually being there for once so he can stay at mcvickers and be a carefree teen] Janis: [I mean yes but you are those kids dad not jimothy so I will not applaud you] Jimmy: [doing the least and we hate you so much] Janis: [I think Mia should be at the first party and we can catch her whilst we're still a bit sober lol] Jimmy: [yeah definitely one of the earlier ones, it makes sense for that reason and because the parties would obvs start out more basic and get wilder as the night goes on cos most people aren't throwing a rager on christmas eve eve] Janis: [yeah, and if she's at some party that's trying to be sophisticated and lowkey and then they show up 1. LOL 2. she would be caught unawares] Jimmy: [ooh what if she's just gone out with Ella and not the others so it's double tea because that's not in the friendmas spirit] Janis: [I really imagined a date and I was like lovely haha, but totally a vibe, pretending they're busy if the other gals are at another party or whatever] Jimmy: [I might fuck around and give Jimothy an injury of some sort for christmas cos tis the season and Ian is 100% that bitch] Janis: [yeah, he is, a vibe, but not, so rude] Jimmy: [it's gonna have to be christmas eve or day cos they are going to Skerries for boxing day so note to self] Janis: [what if what if that's why she goes to see him xmas day, ultimate rudeness Ian] Jimmy: [yeah because we did say they must] Janis: [dunno where you're huffing off to ian but uninterested, we must] Jimmy: [and then it makes even more sense why they go to Skerries/don't try very hard to come back when they get snowed in, not desperate to spend time with you sir ] Janis: [it all makes sense, also remember the ice bath we can make you a snow pack] Jimmy: [so yeah after whatever they're doing christmas eve, remind me he's gotta go home alone so that can kick off] Jimmy: [also if people have been stupid enough to leave presents under their trees they should steal some] Janis: [noteddd, that's so grinchy and why you don't have xmas parties but with friends people, you deserve it lol, also if we wanna do some messaging, they could lose Mia and have to split up to find her rn, could be amusing] Jimmy: [not all the gifts thank you lads but at least one from every party that it's an option as a memento, ooh good idea boo] Janis: report back, scooby Janis: I'm in the bogs, no sign 😱 Jimmy: leave your 🐕 fetish out of it and concentrate Jimmy: she ain't outside ⛄ Janis: alright, you wanna be daphne Janis: full bimbo now Jimmy: piss off do I wanna be a ginger Jimmy: have a word with yourself Janis: omg VELMA 🤓 Jimmy: how am I not Fred dressed like this? Janis: he was so fashionable Janis: I wanna be Fred though so fuck you Jimmy: UGH fine Jimmy: I know you're 🤓 and I'm him but crack on lying to yourself Janis: that's rude Janis: don't make me your #2 Jimmy: if the glasses fit, girl Janis: 😡 Janis: i'm going kitchen Janis: it's a long shot but i'm getting drink for me and none for you Jimmy: smash some glasses and plates, you'll calm down Jimmy: or you know, make me a 🥪 Janis: knuckle sandwich Jimmy: 😍😍 Janis: so distracting Jimmy: you Janis: nah Janis: we're on a mission focus your 😍😍 Jimmy: [sending her pics of #bants things like I've found her, oh no wait] Janis: [have a lil game, nerds] Jimmy: [obvs you're gonna have to find her eventually I doubt there's that many places she could be so be silly while you can] Janis: Jim I've found her Janis: omg Janis: come here Jimmy: [does even though he's expecting a pisstake] Janis: [hopefully this house isn't that big because you did not tell him anything there lmao, also be quiet or she'll see and you'll ruin it] Jimmy: [she said she was heading to the kitchen so likewise and we'll cross paths lol] Jimmy: 😱😱😱 Janis: [you're so conspicuous rn god bless, but keep an eye on her best you can until you can get dirt] Janis: be 😎 nerd Jimmy: keep your head down 🦒 Janis: i'd say make me but you'll just be 😍😍 Jimmy: [a LOOK that's meant to be pisstakey like what am I like but it's just shamelessly a LOOK lol] Janis: [you know when bitches always kiss in movies when they need to hide, doing that, as if there is a need okay] Jimmy: [love that for you] Janis: [oh the tropes, at least you won't seem arsed by Mia remotely so she'll let her guard down lol] Jimmy: [we're just a lad getting covered in silver, you can relax Mia] Jimmy: [will style that into a 🎅 beard because he's an art hoe] Janis: [what a lewk you two can share] Jimmy: [doing a semi decent job of lip reading Mia even though he's not deaf and whispering to her what he's worked out, doesn't technically need to whisper but the excuse is we're being inconspicuous] Janis: [doing the most to pretend he's being scandalous in ya ear but we listening for real obvs and making our 😳🤤 responses make sense 'do you think there's a free room going?' like do you reckon we'll catch her at it, again] Jimmy: [telling her about all the places he found that you could fuck when he was searching for her, which is lowkey suggestive af boy especially because Mia isn't as shameless as you pair and wouldn't hook up in some of these places] Janis: [telling him which you wanna do first but it's actually where you reckon she might if she's gonna] Jimmy: [agreeing because you agree that it's likely and you're on the same page here] Janis: 🕡 Jimmy: *⏲ Janis: same diff Janis: can't lose 👀 on her Janis: what do we do to kill time without being too distracted Jimmy: 🍻? Janis: [goes to get drink like okay] Jimmy: [is 👀ing you Mia] Janis: gonna suggest this to the gals next time I see em Jimmy: they already follow her about Janis: clealy ain't as good at it as us Janis: but no Janis: the face paint Janis: if you kissed anyone else i'd know instantly Jimmy: bit rude to call me a slag for how I'm dressed but Janis: is it though Jimmy: I just happen to be a slag, alright? Jimmy: nowt to do with any of this Jimmy: [gestures to the lewk] Janis: [looks at him for ages like we forgot what we're doing] Janis: alright Jimmy: are you? Jimmy: [😏 af] Janis: [🖕 which can at least look bantsy to the fans] Jimmy: [a lol soz if that's not inconspicuous hun but the bae is funny] Janis: [bring him a drink back, after taking a massive swig from his like ha ha] Jimmy: [taking pics of her because an angel being 😈] Jimmy: [likewise have forgotten what we're supposed to be doing here for a sec] Janis: [casual photoshoot, be a shame to waste your outfits] Jimmy: [Mia's got no game lbr, you've got time] Janis: [god knows the state of this lad by the time she's ready lol] Jimmy: [another good reason it's an earlier party don't be having a Buster and Chloe rapey situation Mia] Janis: [at least you truly would be as gone, that's the vibe not that] Jimmy: [if your father could see you now hun] Janis: [#disappointeddaddy] Jimmy: [I wish they could call him like come get your daughter but we need this hook up to happen first] Janis: [they should genuinely then bounce though lmao she would actually be so fuming] Jimmy: [don't do it yourself though Jimothy the accent is a dead giveaway, get the bae on it] Janis: [seriously, do some voice work hen, at least a party helps that he'll barely be able to hear, use the house phone] Jimmy: [merry christmas bitch, enjoy the trouble you'll be in] Janis: [hohaha, ANYWAYS, we know you can't stop looking at him gal, how you manage this at all is lowkey impressive lol] Jimmy: [when you get to the second party/on the way there haha you can be as extra as you want, that mission is done and dusted] Janis: [we're so buzzing with ourselves at the prospect of ruining her xmas, practically skip there lmao] Jimmy: [don't you twist you ankle boy as hilarious as that would be] Janis: [we can't have more injuries, and you'd make a right mess of yourself if you fell, it's freezing and you've got no clothes on lol] Jimmy: [yeah that's not festive or goals so be careful please] Janis: [what do we wanna do at this next party then] Jimmy: [just have a nice time tbh lads] Janis: [just partay] Jimmy: [do them body shots and other drinking games cos we're having a messy one and we're competitive af] Janis: [get crunkalunk honey, we can skip to when he's left in the AM now if we wanna] Janis: [after Libi has come in and is like WHERE'S BOBBY as if they also have him tucked up in the bed] Jimmy: [unless there's anything that gets said or done when they're drunk af that we need to know, we know the vibes] Jimmy: [Oh Libi I love you so much but they should facetime him on Cass' phone cos she'll be THRILLED cos you know he's sleeping there and nobody sleeps in that house except Ian] Janis: [ooh, good point actually, we'll do that] Janis: [but yes, poor Jimothy like come sign bitch we gotta talk about santa] Jimmy: [god bless, when you just wanna sleep and snuggle your bae but you got so many jobs] Janis: [being like YOU GOT YOUR COOKIES YOU GOT YOUR MILK AND CARROTS like a checklist 'cos I remember how exciting xmas eve was you were lowkey hysterical all day] Jimmy: [plotting how you're gonna stay awake and peep Santa with those gifts] Janis: [just looking at Jimmy like you ain't gonna get no sleep lol] Jimmy: [mouthing at her to kill you away from the lip reading expert's gaze cos you can't do a dramatic death scene rn the kids are chatting a mile a minute] Janis: [pew pew at his head, also mcvickers gonna be fuming lad] Jimmy: [at least you can leave without having to see them cos that staircase] Janis: [chase you away lmao] Jimmy: [hold in the wee that you clearly will need, your house isn't far] Janis: [run boy run, but we'll throw it back to the end of your partying now] Jimmy: [we should start it as a 🚬 break because that's always good for feels and closeness when it's cold and you're half naked even if we're drunk enough not to feel it] Janis: [just drunkenly telling him about crayon colours we looked up lol] Jimmy: [guessing the colours based on their weird names unless it's obvs and then we're just pisstaking] Janis: [there's some wild ones hun, we're probably making up loads too] Jimmy: [likewise but writing them on her so she has to try and work it out when we could just say it] Janis: [we know where this is devolving and fast, wherever you are not being suitable so you're like hmpf] Jimmy: [on some random person's garden furniture that they should've brought in for the winter but have not] Janis: [you're both gonna start shivering before long so walk in the direction of the houses tah] Jimmy: [handholding and doing the little swinging thing because you've been spending all this time with the bubs] Janis: [loling at him] Jimmy: [playfully nudge her like excuse you but don't push her over because of that drunk and slippy combo please] Janis: ['you're such a nerd, you know'] Jimmy: ['Piss off' but the tone is less fuck off and more yeah I know but so are you] Janis: ['fine' and goes to walk off but likewise is joking so doesn't really] Jimmy: [nevertheless pulling her back and close into you as if she's really going because don't] Janis: ['you want me to stay?' even though you know 'cos how close you are rn] Jimmy: ['don't you want to?' even though she clearly do] Janis: [thinking he's making a point about asking stupid questions like 😏 fine] Jimmy: [just softly touching that 😏 face looking at her like no tell me you want to because we're drunk enough to have been genuinely asking and wanting an answer] Janis: ['I just want you to tell me' shrugs 'no confusion'] Jimmy: ['I just want you' because true] Janis: ['go on then' like it's a challenge but you say it so soft so like it's not] Jimmy: [the most intense kiss ever not even because it's a challenge but because the emotions are just that high okay] Janis: [no time to even talk just taking him by the hand back to yours aka mcvickers not all that way lol] Jimmy: [for a million reasons I hope whatever house you were at isn't far from there but the main one being all the kissing pauses there will be along the way regardless because that's the mood we're in] Janis: [we ain't even gon make it home energy] Jimmy: [100% support that always] Janis: [but you do, and frankly, I don't condone ladder climbing in this state so like be quiet and go in the real way] Jimmy: [that'll be a #mood in itself so] Janis: [getting him out of that santa outfit folornly like you are devvo lol] Jimmy: [gal if you're doing a pouty lip in any way you know what's gonna happen] Janis: [but of course 'why don't you care what people think?' once you can get words out again] Jimmy: ['I care what you think' because we're drunk so we can answer a question and answer it honestly] Janis: ['really?' and a confusion face] Jimmy: [😍 af about her cute expression so we lowkey forget about the question] Janis: [nudge] Jimmy: [a look like ?] Janis: ['why do you care?'] Jimmy: ['about you?' when you were only talking about what she thinks but we're drunk and we've gone deeper with it] Janis: [nods like sure, as you brought it up] Jimmy: ['it's less shit being here 'cause of you, if nowt else you should have the same back off me'] Janis: [when you can't help smile at that 'I don't want you to leave Dublin'] Jimmy: ['I'll stay' like it's that simple remotely but it is when you're drunk af] Janis: ['but you hate it here' and a look like same, obvs] Jimmy: ['I hate it everywhere' because again true] Janis: ['me too' not even trying to be banty like literally yeah same] Jimmy: [a little snugg because we don't want the bae to be sad] Janis: [snugging and sighing 'this is so weird'] Jimmy: [an even bigger sigh because it is and you don't want it to be and just saying sorry in the quietest softest voice like did you even actually say that or no] Janis: [at least it's that quiet 'cos you're meant to be that you would hear and you're shaking your head like no no 'not now, specifically or...it's not your fault, you know' 'cos you mean this whole situation for you 'cos you've never and you're like how did this happen so fast and when did we get here] Jimmy: [a shrug because he thinks everything is his fault always thanks Ian so it's like I don't know/believe that actually but we also don't think the bae is full of shit like we think a lot of people are so it's a confusing and conflicting tangle of thoughts up in here as well cos likewise has also never felt like this or expected any of this when he suggested it lol] Janis: ['I mean it' and properly looking at him but not really driving the point home harder than that right now/yet 'it's okay though, isn't it?'] Jimmy: [a nod that encompasses all the things 'are you?' cos if she's okay that's all that matters bye] Janis: ['is it a dealbreaker?' trying to make light of the fact it's like not really no] Jimmy: ['only if you're breaking our deal' like it's not okay if you don't wanna do this anymore even though it's a headfuck because ILY and I will die] Janis: ['I don't want to'] Jimmy: ['what do you want?' as if we don't know sir] Janis: [poke him in the chest] Jimmy: [just resting his hand over hers like okay I accept that and will turn it into a soft gesture] Janis: [when that lowkey says so much about the dynamic and we can't handle it 'let's just-' and kissing him] Jimmy: [kissing will always be easier so I'll allow it kids] Janis: [do that and more 'til you pass out probably 'cos honestly] Jimmy: [gonna let you say her name during at least once if you want boy because we're both not remembering this and we know it'll hit different sober anyway] Janis: [andioop soz you're trashed huns] Jimmy: [but not because it gives us freedom to do things y'all ain't ready for yet] Jimmy: [but soz that Libi will be waking you up early af]

[littlekatleaf]

Buried in a burning flame is love and its decisive pain (part 3)

Part One

Part Two 

“Did ya see that shit,” Junkrat said as he squeezed close to the door to let Roadhog have room next to him. “Bloody fuckin’ bonzer, mate. Blasted those dipsticks back to the scrap heap. An’ the fire, what a beaut.” Only had to blink to feel it again. The weightlessness of flying. The OR14 exploding into scrap. The whooshing rush as air filled the explosion’s vacuum. The flames. The burn. The acrid stench of sulfur and potassium. “Fuckin’ did it. Fuckin’ won!”

“For the love of God, shut up.” Roadhog interrupted and only then did the silence of the others register.

Tracer’s knuckles were white on the steering wheel, her jaw clenched. Mei stared out the window, pointedly ignoring him. Even Lucio and D.Va were quiet.

He frowned. Missed something, somewhere. Cast his thoughts back. “No one hurt?” Assumed someone woulda said immediately, or just gone without waiting for him and Roadhog.

“None of us,” Mei said shortly, emphasizing the ‘us’.

“Someone else?” Flash of Emily and Tracer forehead to forehead.

“Don’t know. Tracer can’t reach them on her com.”

Junkrat sat back. “Shit. Didn’t think...”

“Of course not! You never do. An idea crosses what passes for your mind and you’re off doing something on your own - something incredibly insane and dangerous - and paying no attention to what you’re supposed to be doing. What you were ordered to do.”

“Coulda left me.” Came out a little more defensive than he meant it, but hell, was true.

“And the team’d be two men short because Roadhog was trying to keep your stupid, scrawny ass alive.”

“What if you’d gotten hurt? Or Roadhog? We wouldn’t have known or been able to help you,” Lucio added, quietly.

“Been fine on our own plenty of times.” Swallowed hard as he said it - hadn’t really thought about Roadie gettin’ hurt. Mei’s right - you never think. Rubbed his forehead, as if he’d get rid of the voice that way.

“It’s not how we do it, Junkrat. You know that,” Hana said. The disappointment in her expression was a kick in the teeth. Rather have Mei yellin’ at him.

He did know that. He’d just forgotten. Or maybe not really understood. Made no sense. Sure Roadhog saved his ass any number of times even when it put him in the line of fire - but that was a job. Doing shit for dosh, made sense. This? This made none. Mei didn’t like him, Tracer didn’t seem to have an opinion either way - he sure as shit wasn’t as important as her Emily. An’ while he reckoned Hana and Lucio liked him fine enough, they’d known Emily and Satya far longer. Just stood to reason they’d add it up and let him ‘n Roadie fend for themselves. Simple matter of maths. Apparently he’d missed something in the calculation.  Mei tallied it for you - six necessary to succeed. Subtract two and you fail. Really, Jamison - must you be so stupid?

Tracer parked the ute where it would be hidden by the Orca. The brilliant blue sky glared down at them; sun reflected off the metal of the ship and the snow covered trees and into Junkrat’s eyes. His head throbbed and he squinted against it. Adrenaline still fizzed through him, making his teeth want to chatter and his hands shake. Or maybe it was the cold again? The sweat of the fight had cooled in the winter wind. Shoved fists into his pockets, followed Roadhog and the others, head down.

Silence. No sign of bots; no sign of Emily or Satya neither. Least the traps hadn’t been tripped. Tracer reached out and rapped a pattern on the door. No more than a second passed before it was yanked wide and Emily fell into Tracer’s arms.

“You’re all right!” Emily said, breathlessly.

Was like Tracer faded into Lena as he watched. The tension bled from her body as she held Emily close. “So are you,” she murmured into Emily’s hair.

“What happened,” Satya asked, putting an arm around Mei and drawing her inside. They all followed.

“There was an attack, like Morrison warned. But the settlement was deserted. No one’d been there in weeks. Lena thought it meant they’d be coming for you and Emily. You are okay?” Mei studied her carefully, like she might be hiding something.

Satya nodded. “We are. It has been quiet.”

“So much for a relaxing vacation.” Mei gusted out a breath, laughed, and just like that the tension dissipated. Lena and Emily disappeared to their room, likely to have a naughty. Satya and Mei lingered for only a second before disappearing as well. Hana and Lucio took over the vid screen for a game. Roadhog picked up his book, but Junkrat could tell he was watching Hana play more than actually reading.

Suddenly feeling like a puppet with its strings cut, Junkrat slumped. Adrenaline’d been the only thing keeping him going and now that it was gone he needed to crash. Made his slightly unsteady way to the bedroom, stripped off his shirt and pants - reeked of sweat and explosives - and flopped onto the cot without taking off his prosthetics. Waking up so early after late night whiskey was kicking his ass. He’d just rest a minute, til the headache fucked off.

“Junkrat? … Hey, Junkrat?”

“Mmf…?” He surfaced from sleep like he’d been underwater, disoriented.  Where…? He squinted at the sunlight streaming in the window, then discovered Emily hovering in the doorway, looking uncomfortable. Right - Taos. Vacation. And, if the way he felt at the moment was any indication, a burgeoning case of the wog. Just fucking aces. He resisted the urge to sniffle and raised a brow at Emily. “Needed somethin’, mate?”

“Um. Roadhog asked me to wake you - food’s ready, if you’re hungry.” Her gaze skittered over him, and he realized somewhat belatedly that the sheet’d slipped low over his hips. Least his bits were still covered.

“Be there in a tick,” Junkrat said. He sat up, snagged a t-shirt and yanked it over his head. “Tell him not to be such a bloody bludger next time.”

“Might, if I had the first clue what that means.”

Junkrat laughed. “Just sayin’ he’s a lazy bastard, making ya do his dirty work.”

“Not a big deal,” Emily shrugged. “He’s in the middle of a game with Hana.”

Soon as she was gone, he let himself slump back on the pillow again. His head felt heavy, thoughts slow and muddy. Truth was, he wasn’t hungry. Would really rather go back to sleep, but then they’d figure out something was wrong. He was always hungry. So he pushed himself to stand, tugged on a relatively clean pair of pants, raked a hand through his hair and headed for the stairs.

Unfortunately, standing up seemed to redistribute the congestion in his head and his nose prickled. Tried a small sniff, but it didn’t help, the sensation only increased. He hunched his shoulders, pinched his nose and squelched the sneeze into silence. Fuck it hurt, always felt like he was exploding his brain when he did that. But was better than anyone suspecting. He knuckled his nose roughly, and the itch faded.

Someone’d made brekkie for… well, whatever meal it was. Maybe scrambled eggs and toast wouldn’t kill him. And coffee. Needed fuckin’ loads of coffee. Snagged a chair between Roadie and Lucio.

“Welcome back to the land of the living,” Hana said, toasting him with her coffee cup, then narrowed her eyes. “Mostly, that is.”

“Yeah, you look rough, man. You okay?” Lucio asked.

“’M fine. Little too much ta drink last night, reckon.” Felt Roadie giving him a look behind the mask. Ignored him.

Lena laughed. “I’ve seen you drink way more than that. Sure you didn’t get hurt blowing yourself up?”

“Fuck no. Done that millions a times. Worked up mines special. Wanna try it?”

“Fuck no,” she echoed and he laughed.

“It’s a rush. All that power… Closest thing ta flyin’.”

“I’ll stick to the Orca, thanks.”

Waved away her concern. “Ah, it’s safe as houses.”

Lena looked meaningfully at his mech arm and he faked an expression of affront.

“That ain’t got nothin’ to do with me own work. How could you even think it?”

“How did it happen, then,” Mei asked, like she didn’t believe him.

Yes, Jamison. Tell them how it happened. Mouth went dry and it took him a second to swallow the bite of eggs he’d taken without choking. Cleared his throat. “Not really a story for dinner table convo,” he managed and took a long drink of coffee.

“A better story is how he got the gold tooth,” Roadhog said and launched into a woefully unembellished tale of the bar fight and subsequent need for a replacement tooth. Somehow this led to other stories about heists gone wrong in various ways … your fault…  and the others were laughing and sure he’d laughed at his own cock ups plenty of times but there was an odd echoing edge of this laughter and it scraped against his skin like sandpaper. Rubbed a hand through his hair. Leg started jittering. Got up, took his unfinished plate and Roadhog’s empty one and left them in the sink, trying not to notice that his hand was shaking.

Listen to them laughing. You think you can trust them? In the joke, you’re the punchline. Ain’t the way it is. No? Wait until they see how weak you really are. See if they keep you around then - or if it’s just Roadhog they want. But we’re a…

A what, Jamison? What are you and Roadhog?

... A duo. Where I go, he goes. He’s my… my bodyguard. And when he gets a better offer? One where he won’t have to put up with you? Suddenly a hand touched his arm and he jumped.

“Didn’t mean to startle you,” Lucio said apologetically. “You sure you’re okay?” He frowned, reached toward Junkrat’s forehead. “You feel a little warm.”

Junkrat stepped back, out of reach. “I’m f…” but even as he was saying it, he realized he was about to sneeze. Shit. He just managed to twist to the side, ducking away from Lucio. “Ah’Riiish!”

“Santinho,” Lucio said.

Only a second for a breath before another hit. “Ah’Riiish-iish!”

“Deus te ajude.”

Another breath, another sneeze. “Ah’Riiish-uh!”

“Deus, te faça feliz.” Lucio handed him a tissue.

Junkrat blew his nose. “What ya sayin’, mate?”

Lucio shrugged. “Just what my grandma used to say when I was a kid. Don’t usually get to say all three, though.”

“Aww, you got Roadhog’s cold,” Hana said. “How’d that happen?” Her tone was teasing, insinuating. “No, ‘m fine,” Junkrat said, but spoiled it by sneezing again. Least this time he had tissues.

“Gross, you’re like a plague rat,” Mei said and Hana actually laughed. See?

“Rack off,” Junkrat said. Hadn’t thought Hana would laugh at him. Not really.

“She didn’t mean anything by it.” Satya looked at him flatly.

“Fuck you.”

“Rat.” Roadhog’s voice was low, warning.

“Nah, fuck this.”  Out out out. Had to get out. Get away. He turned and, yanking his jacket from the peg by the door, slammed out.

[eternaleve]

Watching A Broken Frame music videos for the first time!

Carrying on with my Depeche Mode video rewatch project with the vids for A Broken Frame (first post is found here https://eternaleve.tumblr.com/post/624649762286780416/ive-spent-the-course-of-covid-lockdown-cycling)

I looked through my vinyl and found I did not steal my mother’s Depeche Mode singles from this album (I only stole all her Elvis Costello and Joy Division and a bunch of Japan singles which I suspect she snuck to me in hopes of making me like them) but they are all mysteriously gone. My abusive stepdad recently moved out and I have thoughts about what property he took, but this just seems petty. 

Anyway, let’s talk about A Broken Frame! Vince Clarke left the band to go and be the Paul McCartney of 80s electronic music, forming Yazoo and Erasure. Apparently he did not like success and touring and stuff, which is far because it’s a lot of pressure, so he’s out and Alan Wilder is in after responding to an ad in Melody Maker. Remember music journalism? He joined as a tour keyboardist and appears in the videos for the album, but didn’t contribute to the album.

 A Broken Frame was released eleven months after Speak & Spell, which doesn’t seem to be enough time to me for a band to create another whole album's worth of material. It just seems that a band spends a few years perfecting their sound and a selection of songs, and then a record label says, ‘Great! Now do the same thing, but in a much shorter timeframe, under much more stress, and in snatched moments between being shuttled from gig venue to gig venue!’. I understand there’s a ~hype train~ that music acts have to follow, because bands can slip out of notice so fricking quickly, but the pressure does not seem set up to maintain the mental and emotional well-being of people. I’m sure nothing like that will happen in the history of this bad though!

This album cover is considered one of the world’s greatest photographs for a reason. It’s stark and beautiful and has echoes of socialist realism and is just a really striking image. I don’t know who has final say over art direction in the band but whoever does has a great eye for images. The picture is taken over by Duxford and as I’m from the Midlands I have been to Duxford on a hundred school trips (it has a big air centre with WW2 planes and things and bits of the Berlin Wall), so I’ve probably been past this field an uncountable number of times without even realising it.

See You (Jan 1982, No 6 UK charts)

I like how it looks like fuzzy felt. It feels very, very different from the singles art from the last album, I guess to indicate a clear difference in direction? Maybe? This is the first single for the band written by Martin Gore and starting his reign as songwriter.

All the music videos for this album were directed by Julien Temple and are Not Liked by the band. I generally quite like Julien Temple’s work and watched a lot of it as a teen (stepdad being hugely into the Pistols), so I am intrigued to say the least how these will turn out to be.

This does give me a bit of a nostalgia kick for an old-fashioned style train station. It’s pretty much what my home station used to look like before everything was privatised, bought out by Virgin, turned bright red and full of commuters. I like how the station sparks to the beat of the music and that someone okayed an actual spending budget for this time around.

YOU HAVE TO LEAVE THE STATION THE PHOTOBOOTH IS HAUNTED

Not going to lie, this looks 100% like my Dad’s first ever passport photo. I like the addition of the bowtie. It adds a real ‘First Communion’ vibe to the whole look. The nose stud… well, I had a nose stud at the exact same period of my life. Same age too, I think, only mine stayed around a lot longer when it definitely should not have done.

It was at that moment he knew he had made a grave mistake in confronting the ‘Telephone Box Killer’ on his own.

Insert a standard ‘Original Selfie’ joke here. The use of the photobooth gives a cute little through line in the video, as well as giving other band members a chance to be present. I remember using photobooths to take fun photos, before they started costing so much goddamned money and put them only in the most inconvenient places. I still have a bunch that I keep in my purse.

… And now everyone’s working an office job? To show the passage of time? Or because it’s now a bit with music, so we’re showing the use of keyboards through office equipment that sort of requires you to make similar hand movements?

Something, something, statement about technology? The photobooth theme was fine! It was cute! It said something about the regret and passage of time from teen to young adult romance! Why are there now a lot of calculators?

Just in case you forgot - the single’s out now. Wink, wink.

But let’s go back and check in with our corporate overlords. Bob, how are you doing on the spyware floor?

… is this Julien Temple? Is it a music video within a music video? Did he put himself in the video? Could this part not have been done by a member of the band? Like, y’know, that new one who was clearly added in partly through this video?

I like the main core storyline of the video - thinking about a past relationship and then happening to run into them again unexpectedly - but I can see why this is perhaps not well thought of. Next one!

The Meaning of Love (April 82, No 12 UK charts)

This reminds me a lot of the cover for the first Adrian Mole book which was published the same year. It does not match the first single at all or the album, but I guess the album art was yet to be done? Or maybe two different departments handled them, because I would have gone with a different single cover if I knew that one of the greatest photographs of all time was in the wings for the album.

Reader, my heart dropped. I knew we were in for some deeply 80s bullshit. And, like, not good 80s bullshit.

This is the lounge act in the cruiseship of my nightmares

Martin Gore there looking like 99% of the lesbians on the DIY punk scene.

What the fuck is going on?

What, and I must reiterate, the fuck is going on? Are those pies? Pie eyes? Pie eye glasses? What does it mean?

Now’s not the time for your science homework, it’s time to film a music video.

Great, I know what image will be repeating in my night terrors tonight. Martin Gore’s face earnestly singing at me from the depths of a paramecium.

THIS JUST GETS WORSE AND WORSE. THERE IS NO SITUATION ON THE FACE OF THE PLANET MADE BETTER WITH PUPPETS.

No, my night paralysis nightmare will be Dave Gahan’s face turning into a fucking pie over and over and over again.

Oh, I see, the Meaning of Love is that your wife will turn into a bitter harpy that won’t let you live your dream and also your life is ruined because she keeps letting the puppets sleep in the bed.

I guess the video has a sort of XTC vibe? It does remind me of the video of ‘Making Plans for Nigel’, which I do like, but also this video is fucking awful should be seen to be believed. I liked the band’s awkward choreography which was four men showing how much they did not want to be doing any of this.

Leave In Silence (August 82, No 18)

The font is nice. That’s about all there is to say for this. It doesn’t match the other two singles. I’m not saying everything has to be matchy-matchy, but it is nice to have visual similarity and consistency. This looks like the record label gave up on trying.

Okay, so we’ve got the album art sorted and starting out with a - I guess you could call it ‘low rural farming vocalisation’, and neither of these two things match the other singles or music videos, which have had a very poppy, teen girl, Smash Hits vibe. 

This week on The Generation Game, you could win a stainless steel bowl, a cuddly toy, and the lead singer of Depeche Mode!

This video started with a group of people vocalising while pouring out grain and looking very plaguecore, now we’re all playing around on a conveyor belt because I think Julien Temple has run out of ideas and is being artsy and surreal and weird to cover that up.

Ladies and gentleman, I’m sad to say that ‘The Fanciest Little Cowboy’ competition will not be running this year due to a lack of other contestants. This is a very fancy Little Cowboy though.

…. I…. what? 

I have seen many bad, bad, bad cursed images in my time, but this is going straight up to the top. What the fuck does this say about the song? The band? The image the record label is trying to project? This pointless weird imagery for the sake of being pointless and weird.

It’s okay, Jess. Bright Red Martin Gore can’t really hurt you. Only haunt you.

And now spacehoppers. Because of course spacehoppers!

The players from Pathologic show up to make a cameo appearance, matching nothing in the video, and seeming wildly out of place with everything else. Pick a theme or story, Julien! It is EITHER the Generation Game OR a terrifying children’s show OR guttural Soviet inspired plaguecore. You can pick one! Not all of them!

The Blue Man Group really had a rough start. The wheat is… just there. Because I guess Julien Temple couldn’t think of how to organically weave it an advertisement for the album. So there’s just a bundle of wheat for no good reason.

By this point, same, mate. That is the only reaction I am having.

These videos were… not great. I think ‘See You’ is the best and most cohesive - it tells a cute little story that ties in with the themes of the song and provides an emotional resonance. And then things just go off the bloody chain a bit. They get weird and experimental in a way that does not work in selling the band or the song. They seem pretty disconnected from what a music video should be and Julien Temple seemed to just run out of ideas by ‘Leave In Silence’. C- Mr Temple, must try harder.

And then onto Construction Time Again! ... well, when I get round to it. In a few days maybe.

[tellywoodtrash]

Weekends are for watching truly trashy TV...

... (as opposed to irony-watching semi-trash) so this week I decided to forego my newest addiction Divya Drishti to binge the new AltBalaji show BOSS: Baap of Special Services.

[crowd yelling: “... But TT you’re always going on about not caring for KSG! You’re adamant about it and battle anon wank on the topic! How could you possibly......?????”]

Well kids, all I can say is don’t try to put me in a box. For all my highfalutin media snobbery, there’s also that side of me which has watched KRK’s Deshdrohi multiple times. (Only to discover that one of my college-mates was an extra in the songs. True story, mummy kasam.) I honest-to-god have a favt. movie featuring Sonu Nigam as an "actor". No, not the cult classic Jaani Dushman, but the equally noteworthy Love In Nepal. Which I have also seen multiple times, because the amount of cheap kicks I get from Sonu's ridiculous hamming is indescribable. Anyway, I’m trash for the professional-couple-with-opposing-personalities trope (especially in the field of law enforcement), and was majorly missing B99 (HOW LONG TILL THE NEXT SEASON GODDAMNIT?????)/Krishna Arjun (WHY WON’T YOU JUST PUT IT UP ALREADY, HOTSTAR?????????) so I decided to scratch the itch with this. (Also this blasted weather has brought an influx of mutant mosquitoes into my house, so watching this was also an attempt to keep my mind off those literal itches. I'm not an NRI anymore, but my body hasn't gotten the memo yet and continues to overreact to every bug bite.)

Plot:

It was pretty much what I expected from the trailer; a middling crime/mystery series with occasional moments of the mildest intrigue. It has a ‘case of the episode’ format, with each resolution sorta feeding into the larger mystery driving the plot. The smaller cases are completely unremarkable; always a murder (I used to think Shimla was a chill place with relatively low crime rates? Apparently not; in this show's universe the murdering is so bad, a whole special task force has to be formed - with like, national-level shooting champions and imported super-cops from other states.) The bigger mystery is the only compelling part of the show, keeping me invested to watch till the end. I wouldn't say it had a completely satisfying wrap-up (a too-tidily ghusaaya hua culprit and motive in the end; not to mention loose ends that just went nowhere. For eg. they introduce - never show - a character that the lead has been obsessing about for months now and goes to great lengths to track down, only to be casually told that he died a few months ago. And like...... nothing. We just move on, zero frustration.) but at least it brought like 2.67% complexity to the main lead beyond “Satyromanic Sherlock”.

A more appropriate name for the show would have been BOSH: Baap of Sexual Harassment, coz KSG's character spends most of his screentime leering at the nearest adult woman and propositioning her with the most unimaginatively sexist innuendo. Said woman (other than our stern female lead, of course) is so bowled over that she’s immediately willing to get it on with him on closest stable surface that can support the weight of 2 people. Each episode has on an average of 2-3 utterly tacky and tasteless sex scenes which I promptly forwarded the fuck through. Everyone knows I'm a tharki of the first order, so you can guess just how distasteful they were to get ME to do that. (Does KSG have some kinda clause in his non primetime-TV contracts that he must be given scenes to paw at a woman in the most unattractive manner?) The reaction to all this nonsense is always smirky admiration from the other men, and disgust from female lead. Except for when he puts the moves on her in later eps; then she reacts with coy exasperation. I cannot (yet somehow also can - because we truly do live in the darkest timeline) believe something like this got made and released in the #MeToo era? Forget #MeToo, the leads more than once wake up with the people in bed next to them murdered, and it has like zero legal repercussions beyond a withering glare, so THAT's the kinda universe we're operating in.

Cast:

KSG‘s made 'charming haraami with/without heart of gold’ his go-to role over the years now, so this is right in his wheelhouse. I've seen him give a waaaay more compelling performance in QH so eh... Can't say I was too impressed with him here. This was just Law Enforcement Armaan. An errant man-child doing whatever the fuck he wants and getting by in life thanks to conventional attractiveness. His facial hair situation is also very distracting; the continuity lapses rivaling Iqra Aziz's hair in SC2.

I haven't watched Sagarika Ghatge in anything other than Chak De, so I'm genuinely wondering: is she capable of anything other than ‘sullen girl who's constantly making an annoyed/perplexed face’? Her face occasionally relaxes into a wry smirk, but other than that, she could be Captain Holt's Desi Spirit Daughter. I couldn't quite tell if it's the stereotypical role of ‘female cop who has to be a strict stickler to be taken seriously in a male-dominated profession’, or if she just doesn't have the range. Maybe it's both? It’s probably both.

Gaurav Gera shows up as a sidekick to KSG - some kinda "hacker" who regularly comes to school the police's cyber-crime head - because she's a woman, how could she possibly be the authority on tech stuff? Anything that keeps him from making more of those dumb "shopkeeper" vids is a good thing in my book, I guess. Sagarika's character has two sidekicks - who contribute nothing to the investigation part, they just serve as muscle who chase the fleeing suspects and haul them into the police van. Ayaz Khan toh I suspect just took the role to get to hang out with best bro KSG in Shimla for a few days, coz his character is an undistinctive personality-less blob. The sidekick cop who's not Ayaz (aforementioned shooting champion) looked super familiar; it took me like 3 episodes to realize it's the dude who plays Komolika's deranged brother in KZK these days. The insta clips of him constantly attacking one Sharma sister or another is where I knew him from. He plays his character with some bright-eyed earnestness and is mostly tolerable, if completely forgettable.

Minor bright spot(s): Mishal Raheja as a grey character! Now there's the charming haraami I'd want to watch a whole show about! Also Daljiet Kaur in a tiny but important role; kind of a chilling AU version of Anjali from IPK, if she didn't have Arnav in her life to balance out her constantly-teteering-on-the-brink waala mental instability.

Overall Impression:

Lol, I can't recommend it or anything, but if you miss watching the OG 1990s/2000s-era episodes of CID, but with a 400% more cringeyass sexual situations straight out of soft porn, I guess you can go for it? Pretty sure it's no more a waste of time than the newest Bhai movie that's released on Prime.

[readingisthenewcool]

A mutuals (<3) masterlist (aka: I rant about my mutuals for way too long)

Definitely follow of of these blogs because they are almost as amazing as the people that run them!! I have so many amazing mutuals but these are just the ones that I have talked to the most and for the longest, sorry if I missed you, know that I still love you the same <<33

@a-stitch-in-timey-wimey - PROBABLY MY BEST FRIEND ON HERE, SHE'S SO BEAUTIFUL AND SO FUNNY AND I CAN TELL HER LITERALLY ANYTHING. She's such a babe, I met her through one of my posts I made agesssss ago (yeah that’s right, she’s and OG) where I was like "like and reblog this post if you like any of these fandoms and I'll dm you" and our friendship grew from there!! We both love Voltron, Klance and pasta and one of our first interactions and inside jokes was when she told me when she dropped toothpaste down her sock lol cause how do you even manage to do that (do you even remember that jess???) and idk it’s just such a fond memory even though it’s so random. I fucking live for when she rants/tells me stories on snapchat, I was actually watching one of her ‘storytime’ vids that she sent me and like 5 minutes into her story (when we were getting the climax!!) my phone died and now I’m stuck on this cliffhanger until my phone recharges (so imma write all this while I wait lol). She also didn’t murder me when I broke our 105 day streak (I”M SORRY) in fact she wasn’t even mad!! If that’s not the sign of a true goddess I don’t know what is! ALSO, she's SUPER pretty and inspired me to cut my hair, I'd been think about cutting my hair short(er) for a while and after she cut hers and I saw how pretty she looked, I thought I must do it I must be like Jess. I love her so much from the bottom of my heart and I'm so glad that we're friends <3

@galacticpandasstuff - JADEEEEEE MY SWEET BBY I HOPE YOU GET SOME SLEEP. I always love my deep chats with Jade, we've been mutuals for a while but didn't start talking until recently, we often talk in the afternoon for me and when it's like 4am for her. She def needs to sleep more but we all still love her anyway! Despite her not sleeping that much, she’s still drop dead gorgeous and handles tough situations like a fucking champ wtf, I wish I was even just half as strong as her. I’m very proud that my networking skills have really risen up to the challenge and have paid off because and I’ve connected Jade to a couple of my mutuals and they all love her nearly as much as I do!! She's always so kind to me and I'm sure she'll be kind to you too, she has a relatively small blog and it definitely should be bigger so highkey recommend giving her a follow and maybe even a dm too because she's v nice!!

@repetitive-tautology - JAMES OMG WHAT A FUNNY GUY HE’S AND ACTUAL LAD OMG. I actually love James so much and despite me always feeling inferior to his Top Notch (TM) wittiness and intellect, we manage to have an excellent friendship. We also met through that post I made (about liking certain fandoms and then I would dm you!!) but we never really ended up talking about any of the fandoms lol, our conversation (and friendship!!) just immediately took off. I absolutely love his blog and he's such a funny guy, I've met a lot of great mutuals and friends from him (vague crusade!!!). We unfortunately don’t talk as much as we used to (I’M SORRY BUT DISCORD REALLY SCARES ME, OKAY) and I hope that after this post is... posted it’ll prompt us to talk again! He's one of the actual OG's of my blog and played a vital role in my pasta brand becoming a thing! He also came up with funky spaghet and sinful noodle (if you remember those names lol). Anyway, if you're looking for a laugh, definitely hit him up and follow his blog!!

@raging-chaotic-bisexual - DFGHJKLLKJHGFDSDFGH SOHIE AHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!! WHAT ELSE CAN I SAY!! Half of our interactions are are sdfghjkjgfd I love *insert something* so much dfghjhgfdedfgh. Yep, we use keysmashes arguably too much but I literally don’t even care. I can talk to Sophie about whatever I’m excited and no matter what the subject is, she’ll match my enthusiasm and that’s one of my favourite things about her. She’s excellent if you wanna talk about literally whatever you want and I feel as if she’d be an amazing hype woman. (also another one of my Australian bby’s!!)

@hudusello - Dakota is the motorbike bitch (well, more cars now lol) and a future lesbian biker gang member. I always feel hella stupid talking to Dakota cause shes got a shit ton of knowledge on pretty much all mechanical vehicles and before we met I knew approximately zero (0) things about cars and stuff and despite feeling like the inside of my skull feeling as empty as the middle of a balloon, I love learning all this cool new stuff that she teaches me! I love having a good old chat no matter the subject and Dakota is such an OG on my blog. Despite having lots of different interests, I’m really glad that we bonded over a few things that we have in common (like she-ra and minecraft!! [WHICH I WILL REDOWNLOAD SOON AHHHHH]) cause I really enjoy talking. So definitely follow Dakota cause once again, a relatively small blog and also great for a fun chat if you like cars and/or are willing to learn about them 

@carry-on-wayward-birbs - I LOVE THIS DUDE OML WE ALWAYS CHAT ABOUT WHERE THEY’RE UP TO ON BROOKLYN NINE-NINE CAUSE THEY’RE SUPER BEHIND BUT I LOVE HEARING THEIR REACTIONS TO EVERYTHING LOL. Even though our chats are almost strictly b99 related, we do get personal sometimes and I’m very glad that we can balance out our good and bad experiences in our friendship and help and support each other but also get so fucking pumped over brooklyn nine nine too. But yeah we have great chats and would definitely would recommend giving their blog a look  <3 (ALSO THEY ALSO SEEM EQUALLY CONFUSED ABOUT THE CONCEPT OF TIME AND THE YEARS THAT PASS AND THAT’S GOOD (kinda??) CAUSE THAT MEANS THAT I’M NOT ALONE AND I’M VERY GRATEFUL FOR THAT)

@everyoneprotector - mm yes, Alex, my dude you’re such a legend, you’re my aussie mate!! Very cool spider person ::::) and I enjoy our food debates (whether they’re civil or it’s just us screaming at each other in the reblogs for like an hour). You’re an ace-mazing legend that we all stan, I’m very glad we starting interacting, my only regret is that we didn’t start sooner!! 100% recommend Alex’s blog if you’re Ausralian cause they’ve got some top notch Australian content (They’re posting about the election rn lol) but even if you’re not Australian, you can still enjoy their posts cause they’ve got a bunch of funny stuff on there (including funny fandom stuff!! I’m not even in a lot of the fandoms that Alex posts about BUT THE POSTS ARE STILL GREAT)

@ihateitwhenyourejustvague - ABSOLOUTELY WONDERFUL AND BRITISH. Peppa pig wishes she was vague. Our vague crusade champion queen, all hail vague. I actually had to leave the group discord cause the power from it was too strong for my poor mortal body to handle (nah, it was actually because I’m really scared of discord and being in a voice chat with more than one person is so frightening but IT’S NOT ABOUT ME IT’S ABOUT SPREADING THE LOVE) So definitely go follow vague!! They’re the best!! Also!! A very good writer!! I always reblog the writing posts but I highly recommend asking to be added to the writing tag list so that you make sure you see every single writing post!

@bakugou-klancey-lance - We pretty much never talk but they add a cheeky lil “uwuuuuu <3” in my inbox every now and again and I think that that’s really sweet (also very funny blog!! 10/10 would recommend!!) 

I WOULD DO MORE OF MY MUTUALS BUT I HAVE TO DO SOME MATHEMATICAL METHODS HOMEWORK ::::(((((( 

probs won’t do it lol but I’ll damn well try

[boss-the-goofball]

Poor Unfortunate Souls

So I decided to write a thing for a Dadvid/Gwenvid “Little Mermaid AU” because I got the song “Poor Unfortunate Souls” stuck in my head after reading it from good ol’ @directium ‘s playlist for her “Daniel’s Descension AU” (the list of songs Gwen gives Daniel to listen to)

Please please please please PLEASE do NOT tag this as Max///vid. Thank you.

In any case, hope you enjoy this little self-indulgent piece. (Also whoever actually made this AU please come forward so I can tag you properly and give proper credit!)

“Listen, David. Are you sure about this?” Gwen asked, her dark eyes holding concern as she looked around. It felt like something was watching the both of them, waiting patiently with a hungry gaze. The sound of something slithering caused her to shiver, though she mostly blamed it on the cold temperature of the cave they were swimming in.

“I mean, what if he’s just really sick? Neptune knows what kind of ailments humans could catch. If it’s anything like what Harrison caught last month then he could be down for weeks,” She continued, setting a gentle hand on David’s shoulder.

David shook his head. “I’m sorry, but he hasn’t been at the docks recently and I’m really worried. What if the people who abandoned him decided to come back and take him to a new place just to abandon him again? Or what if he got kidnapped by even worse people? Or even-” he rambled, bringing his webbed hands through his hair as he started tugging at it.

Seeing her mate in distress, Gwen pursed her lips with pure concern. Normally David is really happy and a literal ball of sunshine, but now. Now he is a ball of stress, all over a human child whom they met only months ago.

She set both of her hands on David’s shoulders, letting out a soft clicking noise as she circled her thumb over the tattoo on his shoulder blade; black and simple that formed the symbol of the royal family, a symbol their human friend called a pine tree, whatever that is.

“Listen, David. We have enough magic accumulated to turn him into one of us, I am sure the royal family will grant you temporary legs so you can go see how things are going. There is no need to do anything risky,” she tried to reason.

David slowly relaxed, turning to stare at Gwen with his soft green eyes that reminded Gwen of seaweed. “It will take too long to get approval from the royal family. It could take months, maybe even a year and I can’t afford to let him suffer any longer. He is my son and I will not let this go on for any longer,” he said, voice filled with determination.

Gwen opened her mouth, about to try and convince David to consider a different option, but laughter filled the cave. She closed her mouth and looked around, not seeing anything.

“Oh good heavens, where have my manners gone?” A deep voice filled the cave. “Why, I forgot to light the area. Please excuse the mess you are about to see, why I was not expecting any company,” the voice continued, just as the cave lit up.

David and Gwen both brought hands to cover their eyes at the bright light, but when they were able to adjust they were shocked to find various waterproof scrolls just floating all over the place, shelves with all sorts of bottles and waterproof books, and even a cauldron that looked to be bubbling and almost overflowing into the very room they were in.

What surprised them most of all, was how the cave appeared to have actually been bleached of any and all potential color.

“Please, make yourselves at home while I clean up. Oh, would you care for some refreshments?” The voice asked, owner soon showing himself.

Gwen couldn’t help but shiver. This man looked like a washed out version of her mate, pale blonde hair in the exact same style, same nose, even same face shape as David. It was unnerving, and had he have the exact same tail then she probably would have fainted.

However, this man did not have a tail. Instead, he had eight white tendrils that were all reaching out to grab some of the stray papers along with his other arms.

“Er, no thank you,” Gwen said, looking at David and giving him a look that asked ‘Are you sure this is a good idea? I am getting some really bad vibes off of this guy.’

David shook his head. “No, we actually came here for a favor. See, I’m worried about this human boy my mate and I met a while ago,” he began, his hands now resting beside his green tail. He gave a sigh, looking down at the floor of the cave. “We were wondering if...if you would be willing to temporarily turn one of us human so we can check on this boy.”

“Oh you poor unfortunate souls,” the man practically sang, making his way closer towards the two merfolk. He tilted his head to the side, neck cracking eerily, as a tendril shoved Gwen aside so he could focus on David. “Apologies, sometimes these things have a mind of their own. You two may call me Daniel, and I understand your plight. I shall help you, but it always comes at a price,” Daniel chuckled softly to himself as he went to humming.

“David, this is not a good idea,” Gwen warned, her dark purple tail lashing out at a tendril that moved a little too close for her own comfort.

“Gwen, he is one of the last sea witches who can cast this spell in a timely manner,” David whispered. “What is your price?” he asked, staring Daniel down.

Daniel gave another chuckle, opening some books and scrolls before finding the right spell. “Well, the spell will last three days and you would have to give up your voice for the legs. If you do not return to the water in three days, then I am afraid your transformation will become permanent,” he explained, grabbing a blank parchment and writing up a contract. “Now we also have to deal with some legal proceedings, so your king can’t say what we’re doing is against his laws…” he started to ramble.

“But this whole thing is against our king’s laws! Listen David, this whole thing is too sketchy and very dangerous. Frankly, I don’t fucking trust this guy,” Gwen remarked, narrowing her eyes at Daniel with pure suspicion.

“Please watch your language,” Both David and Daniel said simultaneously. They looked at each other, David giving a very bright grin while Daniel held a wide grin that was more unnerving to Gwen.

“Well, you could stick with me. I like to make my price known and clear, or you could go to the other sea witch. A real devil of the sea, then again he has his eye on the king who imprisoned him. Why, I hear he wants him as a mate and would probably use your plight to bring himself closer to said king,” Daniel chuckled darkly to himself.

“He takes advantage of poor unfortunate souls such as yourselves. He might even want to claim your souls for his collection, putting them in pain. In need,” he continued to hum, leering at the two merfolk as his tendrils wrapped themselves around their waists and brought them closer to him. “Why, compared to him I’m a saint. Helping those in need, and for a fair price.”

David shook his head, eyes completely wide as he looked at Gwen. He then looked at Daniel once more. “Please tell me the details of the contract,” he finally said after a few moments.

“Excellent choice! Now,” Daniel began, unfurling the contract as he held a pen out to David. “In exchange for your voice, I will give you legs for three days. Before the sun sets on the final day, you must return to the sea lest you remain human forever. Now I also require a fee of my own. I need a suitable offering for my gods, which I will collect after your deadline. Do we have a deal?”

David took one last look at Gwen, noticing the worried look she gave. As he took the pen, he gave a nod. “Deal,” he said, singing the contract and watching as it rolled up and went into Daniel’s hand.

“Wonderful!” Daniel cheered, clapping a couple tendrils together as he went towards the bubbling cauldron and began putting in various ingredients. “Now, I need you to start singing for me,” he said with a purr.

As soon as they were released, Gwen swam over and embraced David. “You don’t have to do this. We can find another way,” she tried to reason one last time.

“Trust me Gwen, it will be fine,” David whispered, giving her a gentle kiss on the cheek as he turned towards the cauldron. He then opened his mouth and began to sing, closing his eyes and going louder with encouragement from Daniel.

Soon David could no longer feel anything come from his throat, and yet he could still hear his voice. When he opened his eyes, he could see a small glowing ball float towards Daniel as the sea witch went and put said ball into a jar.

When he went to ask something, David went wide eyed as not a single sound came out.

“Alright, now we just have to,” Daniel began to murmur, dipping a hand into the potion before cupping some of the liquid and pouring it into the jar. After putting a cork on it, he shook the jar and then tossed it at David. “There you go. Just head to the surface and drink this, you will have your legs then. Good luck!” He cheerfully said, giving both merfolk a wave as they swam out of his lair.

Gwen shot one last glare of suspicion at Daniel as she swam out with David. She then gave a sigh and set a hand on her mate’s shoulder. “Are you sure you want to go through with this? It isn’t too late. We can take this to our king and he can help us,” she offered.

David shook his head, looking up to the surface. He opened his mouth to try and tell Gwen, but he seemingly forgot that he gave up his voice. He looked to his mate and gave a smile before mouthing to her.

For Max.