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let-this-ship-sink-already · 3 years

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Tearing down the Tomdaya timeline, created by "Spidermaninlove" - Part 2 (2017)

I am not using evidence or "proof", which is OUT THERE, to show that this timeline is only based on the emotions/opinions of its creator and is therefore falsely claimed as a fact. I am using common sense to explain the dynamic between the two co-workers/friends that are Tom Holland and Zendaya.

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January 28-31, 2017

Tom, Haz, and Jacob post photographs taken in Z’s apartment in NY. Z snaps the boys playing cards in her apartment. On 1/29 Tom visits Z on her Covergirl photo shoot. -> Co-workers/friends hanging out.

When asked on 1/29 why he is in NY, Tom tells a fan he is visiting his girlfriend. -> I looked into this for a bit, because for Tomdaya stans, this is the one moment that gives it all away *dramatic sigh*. The original fan picture is no longer available, so I’m going to add a screenshot posted by Spidermaninlove.

When referring to the girlfriend Tom mentioned, the fan says “There are pictures of her online.“. How would the fan know THAT if Tom mentioned only having a girlfriend? Or did Tom tell him „You can find her online.“, which I doubt. And if the fan believed Zendaya‘s the girlfriend Tom referred to, why wouldn’t he say so? He surely knows Zendaya if he knows about Tom being Spiderman. It’s just a weird encounter and raises more questions than it answers. IF you can take the fans word for it that THAT is what Tom said to him.

They were also spotted by fans outside a theater on 1/29. -> Co-workers/friends hanging out together.

On 1/31, Tom is photographed leaving Z’s apartment building with his luggage.

Tom tweets paparazzi photo of himself exiting Z’s apartment building.

Tom posts a video of himself and Haz at the airport and their departure. Haz tweets Z thanking her for putting them up and putting up with them over the weekend.

Tom posts another paparazzi photo of himself leaving Z’s apartment as his profile photo on his Twitter account.

Note: Posting paparazzi photos on social media is what Z calls “damage control”. -> Again, no one knows what Zendaya considers damage control. To me it looks like Tom was trying to drop his location before paparazzi could - to give himself control. Also, no one takes their assistant/best friend to go see their girlfriend.

February 12, 2017

Tom in London for the BAFTAs. Z congratulates Tom on social media for his Rising Star BAFTA award. -> Co-workers/friends supporting one another. A little side note: At the BAFTA, Tom was seen with Ella Purnell. They were spending the evening together after the ceremony and ended up at a private party at Tom‘s hotel afterwards. Tomdaya shippers seem to ignore that fact.

March 3, 2017

Tom in LA filming a Dell commercial. ->IRRELEVANT INFO

March 4-5, 2017

Z snapped herself with Tom and company at the cinema watching the Spider-man Homecoming trailer, and also at the Cheesecake Factory. A theater employee said Tom paid for Z’s movie snacks and that the two were playing around while she rang up their purchases. -> Co-workers/friends hanging out together.

March 7, 2017

Tom in LA staying at the London Hotel. -> IRRELEVANT INFO.

March 15, 2017

Haz tweeted the boys are back in town with a photo of Tom and Jacob. Haz also posted a photo of Tom driving in the LA area. -> Co-workers/friends hanging out. IRRELEVANT INFO.

Z snapped, your sick girlfriend really loves you, and immediately deleted the snap. -> Now this is another huge moment for Tomdaya shippers *dramatic sigh*. My opinion: Tom, from what we know, never had a Snapchat, at least not a public one, so why would Zendaya accidentally post a Snapchat she meant to send her boyfriend Tom, who doesn’t even have Snapchat? Making it seem like the Snapchat was for Tom is an ASSUMPTION/INTERPRETATION.

March 19, 2017

Z and Tom spotted together in LA at a restaurant. -> Co-workers/friends hanging out.

March 28, 2017

Tom photographed with fan while he was visiting the set of KC Undercover. -> Co-worker/friends supporting one another.

March 29, 2017

Z liked Tom’s tweet: Favourite question of the day. “Is spider-man a sex symbol? ABSOLUTELY HAHAHA -> IRRELEVANT INFO.

March 30, 2017

Tom with Z at Choreo Carnival -> Co-workers/friends hanging out together.

April 1, 2017

Tom and Z filmed promos. Tom plays with Noon on Z’s snap. -> Co-workers/friends working together.

April 2, 2017

Tom and Z filmed Lip Sync Battle (LSB) (aired May 7, 2017). Z appeared jealous when Chrissy said she wanted to live out her upside-down Spidey kiss fantasy, until John Legend appeared to fulfill Chrissy’s fantasy, and then Z was all smiles. Z filmed LSB behind the scenes for her app which included lots of adorable interaction between Z and Tom. -> Jealous Zendaya, all smiles Zendaya and adorable interaction are an INTERPRETATION. Co-workers promoting a movie together.

April 3, 2017

Haz tweeted leaving LA. -> IRRELEVANT INFO.

April 22, 2017

Haz tweeted in LA -> IRRELEVANT INFO.

April 23, 2017

Spider-man interview in LA. Both Tom and Z are interviewed. -> Co-workers working together.

April 25, 2017

Zendaya fan tweeted that she had seen Z several times that week at Tom’s hotel in LA. -> Co-workers/friends working/hanging out together IF truly happened.

May 5, 2017

During the press tour in Brazil, an interviewer asks Tom if he has found his Liz Allan. Tom’s response was, “Have I found my own Liz Allan? Uh yeah, I guess so, kind of, I may have, yeah, maybe, sort of.” -> Making this statement about Zendaya is an ASSUMPTION/INTERPRETATION.

May 7, 2017

Z and Tom attend the MTV Movie and TV Awards. They debuted a new Spider-man trailer, sat together, and appeared to be in their own little world. -> Co-workers promoting a movie together. Appearing to be in their own world is an ASSUMPTION/INTERPRETATION.

May 9, 2017

Tom on the Ellen show. Tom and Z spotted at The Grove in LA where they watched Guardians of the Galaxy Vol. 2. They were also seen eating at a restaurant together. -> Co-workers/friends hanging out together.

May 14, 2017

Z takes private jet to Oakland for Mother’s Day. Tom appears to be in a Snapchat video taken at Z’s grandmother’s house. -> "Appears to" is an ASSUMPTION.

May 28, 2017

Tom back in LA and appears on Jimmy Kimmel. -> IRRELEVANT INFO.

Note: Tom attended a Knicks/Warriors game on January 31, 2016 – before it was announced Z landed a role in Spider-man Homecoming. He also attended a Lakers game on March 17, 2017. While on Jimmy Kimmel, it wasn’t the most recent basketball game that Tom attended, but the Warriors (Z’s favorite team) game that he talked about. -> IRRELEVANT INFO. Also, no one knows how many games in between he has attended. Making it about Zendaya is an ASSUMPTION.

May 29, 2017

Haz tweets photo of himself in the California hills. It appears to be the area where Z likes to hike. -> IRRELEVANT INFO. Making it about Zendaya is an ASSUMPTION.

May 30, 2017

Tom in LA for Facebook Live and Yahoo Movies interviews. -> IRRELEVANT INFO.

June 1, 2017

Tom doing Infinity War reshoots with RDJ in LA today. Posts on IG it’s his birthday and thanks his fans. He also posts about watching the Baby Driver screening. Haz tweets a photo of this screening as well. When asked by interviewers what he did for his birthday, Tom said he was in bed by 9:00 p.m. -> IRRELEVANT INFO.

Z wishes Tom a happy birthday on IG and Twitter. -> Co-workers/friends supporting one another.

June 2, 2017

Haz tweets he has a free day in LA. Where is Tom? -> IRRELEVANT INFO. Making it about Tom being with Zendaya is an ASSUMPTION.

Note: Both Tom and Z were curiously silent on social media on Friday, June 2. -> Making it seem like they were silent due to being together and Haz having a day off is an ASSUMPTION/INTERPRETATION.

June 4, 2017

Z’s niece’s birthday. There is some speculation as to whether or not Tom can be heard in Deja’s snaps during the party. -> Speculations are speculations.

June 5, 2017

Tom departs LA for Singapore. Article published in which Z interviews Tom. -> IRRELEVANT INFO/CO-workers promoting a movie together.

June 10, 2017

Tom departs Singapore for Paris. -> IRRELEVANT INFO.

June 12-13, 2017

Z and Tom in Paris for press tour. They were holding hands during an interview. -> Co-workers promoting a movie together. *dramatic sigh* They were holding hands - something that was stated by a french reporter, who, of course, did not take a picture when he had a chance to out them as a couple. A reporter, who surely did not have the intention of creating some buzz around the interview or his work place. (Note the sarcasm.) This encounter is made up. Why would two people, who are believed to hide a relationship, hold hands in a public setting?

While in Paris, doing separate interviews, Z was lurking on a Tom Holland fan account on Instagram. -> IRRELEVANT INFO.

Tom, Haz, Z, and Darnell attend a show together while in Paris. -> Co-workers/friends hanging out together.

June 14, 2017

Z and Tom in Madrid. Our favorite duo have a “Stealing hearts since…” Twitter war based on photos taken during the press tour in Madrid. Tom and Z share some loving glances and tender moments while being photographed together in Madrid. -> Co-workers working/promoting a movie together. “Sharing loving glances and tender moments“ is an INTERPRETATION.

June 15, 2017

Tom Will Smith’s Z during the press tour in London. Several tender moments and heart eyes are exchanged. -> Co-workers working/promoting a movie together. “Tender moments and heart eyes“ is an INTERPRETATION.

June 16, 2017

Tom and Z in a store in London looking at Spider-man merchandise. Both attend private screening of Spider-man Homecoming in London for Tom’s friends and family. -> Co-workers/friends hanging out together/promoting a movie together.

June 17-19, 2017

Tom and Z in Barcelona. Z snaps Tom singing along with Mario and Z’s duet of Let Me Love You while Z and Tom are sitting in a hotel room together. Tom catches Z snapping him, jumps down from his perch on the windowsill, and it appears he may have tackled her. -> Co-workers/friends hanging out together.

Tom adopts Z’s YSL leather jacket. Z snaps Tom wearing the jacket, and calls him a “theif”. She also snaps Tom several times while singing and dancing in a vehicle they’re both traveling in. -> Co-workers/friends hanging out together.

More tender moments and loving glances are shared during a press tour photo shoot. -> INTERPRETATIONS.

June 20, 2017

Z in NY on Sway in the Morning. During the interview, Z mentions she just got off the phone with Tom, and discusses her position on relationships. “Some things don’t need the validation of the world… It’s up to you if you decide to go public and do things like that… but for me I’d rather just keep it to myself. Also, people’s opinions and thoughts and stuff and when that gets into a relationship that just makes… you just need two people in a relationship, not millions, so, I’d rather just keep it to myself.” -> Making Zendaya‘s statement about Tom is an ASSUMPTION/INTERPRETATION.

June 24-25, 2017

Spider-man Homecoming cast press tour in NY including Tom and Z. Several adorable interviews come out during this press tour. Z and Tom exchange teasing remarks and adoring glances. -> Co-workers/friends promoting a movie together. „Adorable interviews, adorable glances“ are INTERPRETATIONS.

June 28, 2017

Z and Tom attend the Los Angeles premiere of Spider-man Homecoming and the after party. -> Wow, really? It‘s as if they are in said movie together and need to promote it? (Note the sarcasm.) Co-workers promoting a movie together.

June 30, 2017

It appears Z dropped off Tom and company at LAX. -> ASSUMPTION. If true, co-workers/friends supporting one another.

July 4, 2017

Z is in Paris and Tom is in LA. Tom posts a photo of himself, Z, Haz, Jacob and Harry at the Escape Hotel in Los Angeles. -> IRRELEVANT INFO.

July 6, 7, 8, 2017

On July 7, Tom, Z, and Haz watch Spider-man Homecoming at a theater in LA. Z and Tom are photographed by fans wearing matching Spider-man hoodies, that Z bought at Target, at a theater on July 8 where they watched Spider-man Homecoming again. -> Co-workers/friends hanging out together.

Tom goes hot spinning with Z’s mom, Claire, on July 7 at 6 a.m. Z is there but did not participate. Z snaps Tom as he’s coming out of the spin class and beams when she sees him. Tom is spent, but is all smiles for Z. -> Co-workers/friends hanging out together. Tom being “all smiles“ for Zendaya is an INTERPRETATION.

July 13, 2017

People.com reported Tom and Z are dating.

Z addresses on Twitter People’s claim that the two are dating but neither she nor Tom deny it. -> Tom and Zendaya are on Twitter a day after and decide to make fun of the article. Spidermaninlove makes the INTERPRETATION that, while they make fun of the article, they both don’t say „No, we are not dating“ and are in fact dating instead.

Tom’s uncle, Paul Holland, retweeted a Tomdaya dating announcement, and in doing so, confirmed their relationship. -> If truly happened, Tom‘s uncle retweeting that, would not be a CONFIRMATION. This piece of „evidence“ raises questions. How do you know Tom‘s uncle and his IG? How do you know whether Tom is close to his uncle? Maybe he thought it was true because he had not been talking to Tom in a while?

July 16, 2017

Tom in LA for the D23 Expo. Z photographed by fans at a hotel where she is staying in LA. -> Tom and Zendaya are both in LA is the info, I’m guessing? IRRELEVANT.

July 17, 2017

Paparazzi catches Z and Tom together in Tom’s car in LA. No friends, family, or personal assistants are in the car with them. It appears Noon is on the backseat. Z immediately Snapchats the story.

Note: Damage control. -> Co-workers/friends hanging out together. “Damage control“ is once again an ASSUMPTION.

August 8, 2017

During an interview with Variety, Z denies dating Tom. -> *dramatic sigh*

August 18 - 20 (Weekend)

Tom filming Chaos Walking in Montreal. Tom MIA during the weekend – Haz spotted and photographed without Tom. -> Putting Tom and Zendaya together because Tom was MIA and Haz was spotted alone is an INTERPRETATION/ASSUMPTION.

Z flew on a private jet to what appears to be Montreal to see Tom for the weekend. -> ASSUMPTION.

September 1, 2017

Z’s birthday. Tom posts pics from the same Spider-man photo shoot Z used for his birthday post. Tom states: “Miss you” and Z replies with “Shawty” and a heart emoji. -> Co-workers/friends supporting one another.

September 21, 2017

Z snaps a scary pic of herself in a KC Undercover statue costume stating, I just tried to call you a billion times. Tom posts a photo of himself on IG with the caption: Yours -> IRRELEVANT INFO.

Analysis: Are these two posts related? You be the judge. -> INTERPRETATION.

September 29 - October 1, 2017

Tom was MIA over the weekend and Z was quiet most of the day on Saturday. -> IRRELEVANT INFO.

Saturday evening Z snapped two catered courses along with the chef and his assistant who were present in her kitchen. The snap showed five plates in total on Z’s kitchen island counter. Darnell had two friends over at Z’s house earlier that day. They were in Z’s pool and were playing with Noon, but Z wasn’t with them. When Z snapped the catered food, it appears she is alone with the chef and his assistant. The chef posted on his IG account both courses that Z snapped plus a dessert, but the second course was slightly different from the one Z posted in that it had meat while the one Z snapped was vegetarian, but otherwise it was the same in presentation and appearance. Note: Z is a vegetarian, but Tom isn’t. -> IRRELEVANT INFO. Trying to tie Tom and Zendaya together in this is far fetched and an ASSUMPTION/INTERPRETATION.

Tom wasn’t seen or photographed in Las Vegas this weekend (Haz was in Vegas all weekend for his step-brother’s bachelor party). -> IRRELEVANT INFO. His absence doesn’t put him together with Zendaya.

Harry appeared to be alone in Montreal on Friday night, and to have gone fishing with a Chaos Walking crew member over the weekend. -> IRRELEVANT INFO.

On October 1, Tom posts an IG story on an airplane. The flight is Air Canada 798 non-stop LA to Montreal scheduled departure 11:40 a.m.

Tom photographed arriving in Montreal on the night of October 1, approximately five hours after posting his IG story on the plane (the flight from LA to Montreal takes approximately 5 hours).

Analysis: Tom spent the weekend in LA with Z. -> Putting Tom and Zendaya together due to his silence, being apart from both Haz and Harry and being on a flight from LA to Montreal is an ASSUMPTION. PS: Stalkerish behavior at its peak.

October 2-11, 2017

10/2 – Z arrived in NY

10/3-10/11 – Z appears on Good Morning America and later attends the Without a Net premiere on 10/3, attends Bruno Mars concert on 10/4, is spotted by fans and paps in NY on 10/5, and snaps what appears to be a photo shoot with her stylist, Law Roach on 10/6. Z photographed by paps in NY on 10/7 and then disappears until 10/11 when she is photographed at an event in NY.

Note: NY to Montreal is only 1.5 hours by plane. -> Putting Tom and Zendaya together due to her silence/unknown whereabouts is an ASSUMPTION.

10/7 – Tom in Atlanta for MCU 10th anniversary photo shoot. It appears he returns to Canada later that night. Z rumored to be in Atlanta but there is no photographic evidence, and she was not in the published 10th anniversary photo. -> ASSUMPTIONS.

10/8 – Haz stories himself and Harry shopping without Tom. -> IRRELEVANT INFO.

10/9 – Monday, Canadian Thanksgiving. Tom may have had the day off. -> ASSUMPTION.

10/11 – Jetlux, the private jet company Z uses, reposted a photo of Z. Z is later photographed at an event in NY. Did she fly Jetlux from Montreal to NY on 10/11? It would appear so. -> ASSUMPTION. Plus, Stalkerish behavior at its peak.

Haz IG stories the boys (Haz, Harry, and Tom) watching Mean Girls at their house in the Saint-Paulin area in Canada. -> IRRELEVANT INFO.

10/12 – Z returns to LA and resumes snapping -> IRRELEVANT INFO.

Analysis: Z, the queen of Snapchat, did not snap Saturday, 10/7 through Wednesday, 10/11. Then snap, snap snap, she was back in LA as of Thursday, October 12. She was in NY on October 2 through 7, and then again on October 11. But where was she during October 8 through 10? Frolicking in Canada with her “freind”, perhaps? -> ASSUMPTIONS.

October 31, 2017

Zendaya carves a Spider-man pumpkin for Halloween on her App. -> IRRELEVANT INFO.

November 16-28, 2017

11/16 – Tom wraps Chaos Walking and states he is returning home to do nothing with his beautiful Tess and relax until Christmas time.

11/17 – Tom flies to LA

11/18 – Tom spotted at Target near Z’s house.

11/20– Z takes a red eye flight to NY for The Greatest Showman event at Bloomingdale’s.

11/21 – Tom goes spinning with Claire, Z’s mom, while Z is in NY.

11/23 (Thanksgiving) – Z and Tom spotted together at the cinema.

11/24 – Tom and Z spotted at an In-N-Out.

11/25 – Kamil snapchats during a belated Thanksgiving get together at Z’s house. In Kamil’s snap, Z has an arm resting on her chair that appears to be Tom’s.

-> All of the above: Tom not going home immediately and spending time with Zendaya in LA is what makes Spidermaninlove ASSUME that they are dating, but it’s all just INTERPRETATION. Co-workers/friends hanging out together.

11/26 – Tom and Z posted IG stories and snaps of their trip to the mall. While they were there, they were spotted by and photographed with many fans. Posting the trip before the fans did is what Z calls damage control. -> Knowing what „damage control“ is for Zendaya is once again an ASSUMPTION.

In the videos, Z is wearing giraffe earrings. Tom once called Z a “giraffe of an actress” while she was teasing him about his shoe lifts in his Lip Sync Battle dressing room. So were these earrings a gift from Tom? -> ASSUMPTION/INTERPRETATION.

11/28 – Z and Tom spotted together at the Cheesecake Factory. -> Co-workers/friends hanging out together.

November 30, 2017

Tom returns to London. -> IRRELEVANT INFO.

December 3-7, 2017

12/3 – Z arrives in London for The Greatest Showman press tour. -> IRRELEVANT INFO.

12/5 – It appears to be Tom’s voice calling Darnell, who accompanied Z to London, an “alchie” in Darnell’s IG story while he is purchasing Moet from a vending machine. -> ASSUMPTION.

12/6 – It appears Tom is behind Z in a fan photo taken in London. -> ASSUMPTION.

12/7 – Tom is spotted at Z’s hotel in London and then flies to NY. -> Co-workers/friends hanging out together.

Z arrives in NY for The Greatest Showman press and premiere.

December 8, 2017

Tom attended The Greatest Showman premiere in NY aboard the Queen Mary 2. -> Co-workers/friends supporting one together. Jacob B. was there too.

December 9, 2017

Interviewer, Sean O’Connell, saw Tom in the lobby of the hotel where he was interviewing Z.

Note: Tom was staying with Z in her hotel room. -> Co-workers/friends supporting one another. Tom staying in Zendaya‘s hotel room is an ASSUMPTION. Apparently one of Law’s (Zendaya/Tom’s stylist) interns ”confirmed” they shared a hotel room but that could be an interpretation on their part. Were they hanging out together in said room while the intern was there or were they sharing it? There is a difference.

It appears Tom was at Z’s family dinner in NY. His forehead can be seen seated next to where Z and her dad were sitting. -> ASSUMPTION.

December 12, 2017

Us Weekly reported the following today:

“Tom has met Zendaya’s family and they love him,” a source close to the actress told Us Weekly. “They are still seeing each other, it’s been about a year.”

Though the couple has played coy since the news of their relationship broke earlier this year, they were spotted celebrating the premiere of Zendaya’s second movie ever, The Greatest Showman, at Bobby Van’s Central Park South. An onlooker tells Us that the British actor charmed her parents during the dinner party. -> IRRELEVANT INFO because it’s press.

December 29, 2017 - January 8, 2018

December 29, 2017 – In Haz’s IG story, it appears Tom is packing a carry on bag. -> ASSUMPTION.

Darnell was in New York December 31, 2017 through January 7, 2018.

December 31, 2017 – Noon was with Z’s mom, Claire. Z FaceTimed with her niece, Marlee, who lives in the LA area.

Analysis: Z was not in LA on 12/31/17. -> ASSUMPTION.

After December 31, 2017, Z went virtually ghost on SM.

Tom’s friends, Haz and Tuwaine, were photographed and video recorded at a New Year’s eve party in London. It appears Tom did not attend. -> ASSUMPTION.

January 1, 2018 – Noon still with Claire

January 6, 2018 – Tom’s uncle, Paul Holland tweeted he saw Tom in the London area today for about one hour.

January 7, 2018 – Z did not attend the Golden Globes

January 8, 2018 – Z is spotted and photographed in London at the airport and returning on a flight to LA. She was traveling alone (Darnell was not with her).

-> All of the above: Both Tom and Zendaya being silent/with unknown whereabouts is what makes Spidermaninlove ASSUME, that they spend the time together. It’s an INTERPRETATION of events.

2017 is a turning point for shippers. They believe, without solid proof, evidence, whatever, that Tom and Zendaya are dating and it's a fact. No matter what these two individuals do, it's linking them together in some way. It's all just assumptions and interpretations at this point but shippers quickly build a huge following, tricking people into beoieving that Tom and Zendaya are in fact dating.

#tomdaya stans #tomdaya #tom holland #zendaya #toxic shipping #celebrity ships #spidermaninlove #spiderman

23 notes · View notes

gyll-yee-haw · 4 years

Note

hi baby!💚okay... IF you r comfortable w this subject... what about... seb was filming (something) in (anywhere) (lots of details, i know) right before quarantine, the reader (seb's friend) that lives in that city was really worried abt him getting on a plane, airports and all.. and asked him to wait like a week to come back to ny (in her house obv) a week later its announced the quarantine, all the chaos, now theyre stuck together and some.. feelings or needs.. are really taking a toll on them

Hi, babyy! I’ve actually been thinking about this a lot lately! Thank you so much for the request! This must be the fluffiest smut I’ve ever wrote? I’m soft... Hope you like it!

---

The news were scary. You had no idea it would get a lot worse, but still, you didn't want your best friend to get sick. He had just finished his latest movie and didn't have any new projects for now. So you insisted for him to spend just a few more days at your house, only until the situation was back to normal. Of course you didn't have to beg that much. You and Sebatian were childhood friends and his crazy career never allowed you two to have fun like the old times. What you didn't know was that at some point it wouldn't be a choice anymore. The airports closed and he couldn't go anywhere, not even if he wanted to. At first, you felt absolutely terrible. Like you forced him to stay there with you, instead of being home. But he was grateful. He would lose his mind if he had to go through all this on his own, and both of you couldn't ask for a better company. It was all about playing games, watching movies, dancing to 80's soundtracks, eating cereal at 2am cause time is an illusion... And there was this one day when it was your turn to pick the movie. "The covenant." You gasped. "I would personally rather die." Sebastian rolled his eyes. "What?" You laughed. "It's a classic! Come ooon! For the memories... I remember visiting you on that set. And we used to party a lot with those boys and..." "Fine." He tried to hold back his smile and the fact that he knew it would actually be fun. "I always do everything you want anyway." "Cause you're the best friend in the world." You said as you searched for the movie on your laptop. Half a movie later, you two already had tears on your eyes from laughing so much. Back in the year it was released, you used to thing those special effects and the acting were AWESOME. But now, it was hilarious. "God, why are you doing this to us?" Seb rubbed his eyes in pure shame. "Sebastian..." You tried to sound disappointed. "You just don't get it... the idea of living in such an aesthetically pleasant dark place with your girl friends and each one of you have a wizard boyfriend??? Fuck, my heart can't take this, I'm numb." "You're so dramatic." He laughed out loud. "It's true, though." You shrugged. "That movie is hot as fuck if you ignore a few things..." "Hot?" He mocked. "Didn't know you were into these weird stuff." "I'm into a lot of weird stuff." You admitted. "Like what?" He asked, kinda seriously now. "You don't want to know." You blushed a little. "Come on..." He insisted. "What if this is the end of the world?" "What exactly are you suggesting?" You raised your eyebrows. "That we should totally fuck cause the world is ending and you have no better options?" "I didn't say that." He tried to hold your arm, but you stood up quickly. "I'm going to bed, I'm really tired." You told him. "No, don't go to bed mad at me, let's talk, please." He stood up too. "Goodnight, Seb." --- You were laying in your bed and Seb was on the guest's room. You used to call it his room, cause he visited you whenever he could. But neither of you could sleep. You kept thinking about how Sebastian had changed and you never noticed. All you knew was that your Seb would never even think of using you like that. And Sebastian was thinking about how stupid he was. Something he never told you was that all his previous relationships ended because of you. There was a certain time when his exes would get jealous of you, but he always picked you ever them. And every single time he broke up with a girl, he promised he would finally tell you how he felt about you. But he was afraid. He was afraid of forcing you to deal with the media, it was his job and he still hated that part, he didn't want you to go through that. He was afraid you would say yes and, because of the distance or whatever could happen, he would never be the man you deserved. He was afraid you would react like you just did. In all these cases, your friendship would be ruined, and he couldn't stand being without you. --- When you woke up, you felt terrible. Not only because you barely got three hours of sleep. But also because you knew you couldn't hide in your bedroom forever. You had to go out, carry on with your life... but Sebastian was somewhere out there at this very moment, and you didn't even know how you'd be able to look at him. When you finally gathered all your strength to get dressed and go to the kitchen, you saw Seb on the sofa. He looked at you and you could see he didn't sleep much better than you. "Morning." You gave him a weak smile. "Y/N." He ignored your greeting. "Can I talk to you now, please?" You sighed and sat beside him on the sofa without saying a word, just ready to listen. "I'm so so sorry for what I said last night." He started. "You know I didn't mean that." "How would I know?" "Well... you know me..." He was clearly cofused. "I would never treat you like some... I don't know, you're too important to me." "Yeah, I didn't recognize you." You admitted. "But it was you. It's not like you were drunk or something like that." Silence. "If you want me to leave, I can find another place to stay." He suggested. "Of course not. It's dangerous." You sighed. "Y/N." He closed his eyes and took a deep breath. "I have to tell you something, okay? Since everything is fucked up already... I just want everything to be very clear around here." You were a mix of surprised, confused and scared. He was about to tell you something big, but he wasn't nervous. He looked relieved. "Listen." He turned to you and looked deep in your eyes. "I'm in love with you. Fuck... I've been in love with you since we were teenagers. I don't remember going through a single day of my life without thinking about you. I know I dated other girls, but not one of them was half as funny and half as beautiful as you. But I know I waited so damn long to tell you this... it's probably too late now." As subtle as a punch in the face. You couldn't say anything at the moment. You had feelings for him too, but... he was a famous actor surrounded by all those gorgeous actresses and models, while you were just a normal girl. Besides that, you had the same fears as Seb, that this could ruin everything. "I love you too." You almost whispered, fighting back your tears. "What are we gonna do now?" He sighed. He always dreamt of hearing you saying that. But definitely not with tears in your eyes and barely looking at him. "I don't know. I need some time to think." You said. "But don't leave, please." "Okay, darling." He smiled at you and caressed your cheek, making you look at him. "You have all the time in the world. I'm not going anywhere, I promise." --- It was the longest day ever. You spent it alone in your room and Seb on his. And it hurt so much, because the last days were so fun, and suddently, all the joy disappeared. You knew that's how your life would be without Seb. The night came and it was impossible to sleep again. You daydreamed of all possibilities. You and Seb being happy. Laughing. Holding hands. Kissing. Sometimes you were haunted by images of it all going terribly wrong. Camera flashes. Other girls. Him leaving. Coming back. Forgiving him. Those lips... hands firm on your waist, or gentle on your face, just like they were earlier... no. Definitely firm on your waist. You needed them like that now. Your hands on his back. Fuck, his back. He was so hot. Your body shivered. You wanted him so bad. And he was right there... so close... You looked at the clock and made a decision. It was 2am. You would knock on his bedroom door. If he was asleep, you would consider that as a sign to forget all that. If he was awake... then you'd see what would happen. You walked slowly. Changed your mind three times on the way. Shit. The door was half open, that wasn't part of the plan. Maybe you should give up and... "Y/N?" He called. He was sitting on the bed and could see you standing there like an idiot. You took a deep breath and walked in. You stood beside his bed for a moment. The part of you that hoped you would change your mind gave up as soon as it saw how soft he looked with his messy hair and old shirt. Now there wasn't a single cell in your body that didn't want to call him yours. You sat beside him, ready to say something. But you didn't plan that part either. You didn't plan that he would look at you with those beautifully confused blue eyes and lick his lips the way you loved. "Kiss me." You asked. Seb leaned towards you slowly. He didn't close his eyes until his lips touched yours. He wanted to make sure you wouldn't give up. As soon as you felt the warmt of his mouth, you melted. Your arms automatically went to his shoulders, gently bringing him closer. It started to get deeper. You pulled him closer and closer, until he was laying on top of you. Everything was always so natural between you and Seb. When he realized how far things went, your legs around his waist and his hand under your shirt, he broke the kiss. You two looked at each other and laughed. You had never felt that comfortable in your life. He closed his eyes and was about to kiss you again, when you whispered against his lips: "Make love to me." He left a little "Fuck" escape in return. You stood like that. Lips barely touching. He allowed you to take his shirt off. "Are you sure?" He said as if it was too good to be truth. "No." You chuckled. "But we're always together when I make stupid decisions, have you noticed that?" Before he could say anything in return, you removed your shirt and guided his hand to your boobs. He started to kiss all the way from your neck to your naked chest as his hands worked on removing your pants. He looked at you one more time to make sure it was okay, before removing your panties as well. "Fuck, Y/N..." He said as his lips returned to your neck, filling it with lovebites. "You're so fucking beautiful." "Sebby..." You moaned. "Please. I need you." He nodded and pulled his pants and underwear down, throwing it somewhere in the room. His hands gently touched the inside of your thighs, pulling them apart so he could position himself between them. He entered you slowly and it felt like heaven. You never realized how bad you wanted him for all this years until this very moment. And while he made love to you, you felt nothing but the purest happiness. It was slow, passionate, filled with laughter, and whenever he hit your spot just right, the smiles would be replaced by a few swears, but when your eyes met, you'd smile again. In the end it got faster and messier. Moans filled the room. Seb's name on repeat, it was the only word you could remember. When it was all over, two rounds later - cause you were too sore for more - he held you so tightly, cause he wasn't dumb enough to let you go ever again. "Can't believe we wasted all this time." He said as he spread kisses all over your face. "Can't believe you had to be LOCKED in my house to realize that." You mocked him. "Even if the quarantine is over tomorrow, you're not getting rid of me." He shrugged.

#Sebastian Stan #sebastian stan x reader #sebastian stan x you #sebastian stan smut #sebastian stan x y/n #sebastian stan fanfic #sebastian stan imagine #sebastian stan one shot

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ruthoakenshield · 4 years

Text

The Lady in the Black Leather (Ch 26)

Catch up previous chapter: [Chapter 25]

Warning: for age 18+ readers ONLY!!! mentions of torture and rape and abuse and survival. do not read if this triggers you.

photos borrowed from evermore-fashion’s blog

Graham heads to the nurse’s station and asks if they can put more ice in the cup for you. While they do that, he mentions to Rich what all you had revealed to the lawyer and to him about your other two ex-boyfriends and why you didn’t mention more about them to him earlier.

Rich was annoyed that you didn’t tell him about them as well, but understood why you didn’t. He realized he wouldn’t have been able to keep his cool if you had told him. It still hurt though that you told Graham and the Lawyer before you told him, but he did tell you to tell her everything. So, he knew he couldn’t get mad at you for it. You had done what he asked you to do.

Rich sighed. “She really had been through the wringer. Six and a half years of torture and abuse!!! How the hell does someone survive that and still be the way she is?” Richard asks, baffled.

“Hope and a stubborn streak a mile long.” A nurse named Ann says to him as she comes back with the cup of ice.

“That’s how a woman survives being in an abusive situation for a long time. I know, I was in one.” she says.

Richard and Graham nod.

Richard asks her if the hospital has specific visiting hours. She nods and tells him that it is from 8am -10pm daily.

“Thanks Lass.” Graham says and they head back to your room.

They chuckle when they get back in the room and you are sound asleep. Exhausted from the day’s events.

Graham chuckles quietly, fills your cup with water from the sink, grabs the cover and pops it on the cup. He places it on your bedside table and tells Richard that he will head out and see him tomorrow. Graham kisses the top of your head and whispers “Good night, Lass. Sweet dreams.” And then heads out.

Richard stands at the end of your bed, thinking about all you told him the other night when you first let him make love to you. And then thinks about the new info Graham passed on to him that was learned about you. He shook his head in disbelief. His heart ached for you, his beloved angel.

Six and a half years, he couldn’t believe you survived six and a half years of torture, verbal, physical and emotional abuse, and rape from men who never loved you. You never experiencing what a real loving relationship with a man was until you met him.

He watched as you slept, wishing he could take all that pain and suffering you had endured away and give you a fresh start. He pulls out his phone and takes a photo of you sound asleep in your hospital bed.

He started to think of special ways he could let you know how much you meant to him. Grinning, he realized there would be a premiere for his new movie in NY, and LA, London and Hong Kong and that you would need a new dress for each one.

Grinning, he began to search his favourite designers for women on his phone to see if they had any new designs he liked. He found several new dress designs and emailed them asking if they would be interested in his girlfriend wearing one of their dresses on the red carpets of the premieres of his new film. He wasn’t about to let Graham have all the fun playing ‘dress up’ with you.

Richard grins, when he finds a particularly gorgeous pink and gold gown on a tumbler feature.

When he looks at the name it says, ‘anarkali style’ he contacts the designer telling them that he absolutely loves the pink and gold dress she had designed and attaches a copy of the image as well as a photo of you he took. He asks if she would be willing to design something along the lines of the dress for you for his movie premiere in London.

She replies immediately that she would LOVE to design his girlfriend a gown and to bring you to her studios in a couple weeks. She asks if he could get your measurements to her ASAP so she can begin working on a few designs. She also asks if he has any color preferences. He just says, “Whatever colors would look the most flattering on her. She has never walked the red carpet with him before and will be doing it for the first time in NY and then LA and then London, then Hong Kong.

He explains you are very, very special to him and you have been through hell from prior relationships and he wants you to feel like the treasure, and the princess you are to him.

She grins and asks if he could send any other pictures so she can get a sense of your style and color preferences. He chuckles and replies, “She is usually found in black, but we are trying to work her into other colors.” He attaches some of the other photos he has taken of you. “She loves corsets, by the way.” He adds to the message then sends it off.

She replies. Ahhh, well this will be fun! I look forward to seeing you both, Richard. Meet me at my studios with her next Thursday, shall we say, at three pm? She asks. He looks at the calendar on his phone and sees it is open. He messages his assistant and confirms there is nothing on the books for that day and time. She confirms that and he tells her to put the appointment into his books then messages the designer back that it should work for him He will let her know if plans need to be modified.

She replies and thanks him for his interest in her gowns.

Just then Aiden and Scarlett return with Phantom. They see Richard smirk and ask, “What’s that smirk all about?”

Rich picks up all the cards, with Scarlett’s help and they quickly put the game away. He hands the box to Aiden and motions for them to follow him out into the hallway. He closes the door to your room and shows them the beautiful pink and gold gown. “I contacted the designer to see if she would make something like this for Harley for one of the four movie premieres we will be going to.” He giggles. “She said ‘yes’ and to bring Harley to the design studio next Thursday to be fitted for the gown.” He grins.

Scarlett grabs the phone and looks at the gown. “OH MY GOSH, Richard! That is a GORGEOUS gown!!! But how are you going to get Harley to wear anything besides black!?!?!” she asks excitedly.

“I asked the designer to make the gown in whatever color would look best on Harley and sent her some of the pictures I’ve taken of her. She will need Harley’s measurements ASAP, Scarlett. Do you know what her measurements are?”

Scarlett grins and nods. “I have them saved in my phone along with all the sizes of clothes she wears.” She replies.

Both men look at her in disbelief. “Why do you have all that in your phone?” Aiden asks.

“When she would have to run from her ex-boyfriends, she usually left behind her clothes and only took her favourites. When the last ex dumped her, we purged everything from her closet, and she chose to only wear black after that. She hardly had anything to wear. I think 3 t-shirts, and a couple pairs of skinny black jeans. So, I measured her, and made notes of the sizes of all the clothes she wore so if I was out shopping, I could pick up new clothes for her.” She replied.

They both nodded and Scarlett texts Richard your measurements and height. He quickly sends it off to the designer, then thanks Scarlett. “Now I just have to find two more dresses for her for the other two premieres. He mumbles.

Scarlett giggles. “Want some help with that?” she asks. Rich looks up from his phone and sees how excited she is. He glances at Aiden, who is grinning. Then he gets an idea. Do you work tomorrow? He asks.

“No. I have tomorrow off, why?” Aiden asks. “Cuz we are going to shop for another dress for Harley with Scarlett.” He informs them. “Come over tomorrow morning. Scarlett, I want you to scour the fashion blogs and websites and look for some options that you think Harley might like. Be sure to check the more obscure designers, or up and coming ones too!” he tells her.

Scarlett squeals with glee. “Oooohh I get to have some fun!” she exclaims.

Aiden and Richard chuckle and roll their eyes at her. “I’ll see you two tomorrow morning. Call me when you’re ready to meet and we’ll figure out a place to meet at.” Richard tells them both.

They nod and wave goodbye. Rich heads back into your room and grins. You’re curled up on one side of the bed, leaving room for him to snuggle in with you. Rich slips off his shoes and puts them by the wall, out of the way. He removes his jacket and sweater, then climbs into the bed with you carefully and gently pulls you against his chest.

You stir, but don’t wake. He holds you close, just enjoying your scent of ylang ylang and peppermint shampoo from the hospital. He kisses the top of your head and shuts his eyes. The evening officer enters a half hour later to find the two of you sound asleep. He chuckles and lets you two sleep in each other’s arms while he plays quietly with Phantom and the rope toy.

The next morning, Richard wakes to find a nurse poking his arm. “Sir, I’m gonna have to ask you to move off the bed for me. I need to get some vitals from Miss Harley.”

Richard yawns and apologizes. “Sorry. I didn’t mean to spend the night here with her. Just wanted to cuddle with her for a bit before heading home. Guess I fell asleep.” He says, rubbing the back of his neck and trying to wake up. He sits up and gently slides his arm out from under you, then stands and stretches after moving out of the nurse’s way.

“It’s okay, Mr. Armitage, she is lucky to have you for a boyfriend.” The nurse named Ann replies. Richard realizes it is the same nurse from last night that he and Graham had briefly talked to… the one who had been in an abusive relationship for a long time. “You seem to treat her much better than her last one.” she tells Richard.

He looks at her confused. “How do you know about her last boyfriend and how he treated her?” Richard asks.

“I took care of her the last time she was brought in after he had his way with her.” She simply replied. “He had taken her and mutilated her nether regions after she refused to have sex with him. He tortured her and her employer grew suspicious when the boyfriend kept calling her in sick. They sent the police to find out what was going on. The cops found her in a basement room, strapped down and barely clinging to life from what he did to her. During her hospital stay, the doctor discovered her Uterine Fibroid and began to recommend to her to have the hysterectomy she ended up having after Christmas.” The nurse explained.

“We got to be good friends, since she was in the hospital for nigh on a month recovering from what her boyfriend did and then the surgery. I helped her and visited her at home afterwards and saw her slipping into a deep depression. It worried me, but she kept saying she was ‘fine’. I’m glad to see she found someone decent to treat her right and love her. She deserves it after all she has been through.” She tells Richard.

He is shocked by the new info the nurse just shared. He realized, suddenly, that those scars on your nether regions he had seen were quite recent and he was surprised that you had let him even near them. He realized you were showing him exactly how much he had earned your trust when you did that. He felt honored by it.

Richard is sure she probably broke protocol by sharing that info with him, but he appreciated her doing so. It angered him hearing what the ex did to his girl, but he can’t help but be further amazed at your resiliency. He shakes his head and sighs. “I can’t believe she has gone through so much hate and abuse, and yet still can be such a loving and kind person. She’s like a ray of sunshine in the lives of not only me but my friends as well!” he says quietly as the nurse continues to take Harley’s vitals.

“I remember her once saying to me that she wished she was loved by someone the way her parents loved each other. Apparently, her Father worshipped the ground her Mother walked on. At the time she told me this, her parents had been dead only about a year or so, and it appeared that she had been close to them and greatly missed them. She clung to a hope that someone would see the mess she was in and rescue her from it and whisk her away from her home life and give her a new, happier one. She is stubborn and I believe that the hope of being rescued, that there’s something and someone better for her out there, and her stubbornness she fiercely clung to helped her survive all she had been through.” She tells Richard.

“She seems happy with you and this new circle of friends who have been hanging around her since she got here. I recognized the one lady with the red hair, she came to see her often in the hospital when I first met Harley. Thick as thieves, those two. Almost like Sisters, they are.” She chuckles. “I hope you all continue to treat her well.” She tells Richard.

Richard sits listening to the nurse ramble. Thinking about your hope that had kept you alive. He smiled, remembering something his Father told him when he was younger and just learning about girls. “All girls want their knight in shining armor to come rescue them. Be that kind knight, Son, the right girl will appreciate all you do for her and will be faithful and loyal to her brave knight.”

“We love her to pieces. She is a very special woman to me… and to us all. I just hope I can live up to her ‘knight in shining armor’ hope.” He says.

The nurse chuckles. “Richard, she doesn’t want a knight in shining armor. She told me that she wants one in dented and dinged up armor.” The nurse chuckles.

Richard looks at her confused, brows furrowed. “Huh?” he asks.

She grins. “Think about it, if a knight is in shining armor, with no dents or dings, what does that tell you?” she asks, pausing in her recording of vitals.

He thinks but isn’t sure what she is getting at, and gives the nurse a raised eyebrow and a frown.

She chuckles and replies, “That he is inexperienced, he hasn’t seen battle yet. He hasn’t had his mettle tested. A wise woman will look at it, see that, and realize she has no way of knowing if he will stand his ground and fight for her or if he will tuck tail and flee when the going gets tough.

But a knight in dull, dented and dinged up armor… that tells a wise woman that he has seen many battles, fought bravely defending his love and his country, and will stay with her and fight for her and protect her when the going gets tough. It tells her he won’t tuck tail and flee, abandoning her when life throws us lemons and we struggle to make lemonade with them. That is the kind of knight she wants… and needs, Richard, one in dull, dented and dinged up armor.”

Richard nods, thinking about what the nurse told him. He watches her as she helps a now waking Harley sit up and adjusts the bed to a sitting position.

“Morning, Love.” He greets you as he stands and comes over to the other side of the bed. “How is my little ray of sunshine this morning?” he asks as he kisses your forehead.

You yawn and stretch. “I’m okay. Still tired though, and my leg hurts, and I’m hungry.” You tell him.

“What would you like for breakfast?” he asks you as he brushes hair out of your eyes and the nurse hands him a soapy washcloth to clean your face with.

He gently washes your face as you ponder what to have for breakfast. “Keep your eyes closed, Love.” He tells you. You hear the water running in the sink as your nurse friend rinses out the washcloth, then hands it back to Richard.

You feel him gently rinsing the soap from your face with the warm washcloth. Once he is done, you open your eyes and grin. “Pancakes, crispy (almost burnt) bacon, cheesy scrambled eggs and Orange Juice.” You reply.

He chuckles and nods. “Your wish is my command, Sweetheart.” Rich tells you and peppers your face with light kisses, making you giggle. “I will go find you your breakfast. Do you want any coffee or cappuccino?” he asks.

Your eyes light up and you ask for a French Vanilla Cappuccino. He grins and nods. “I will be back once I have found your breakfast order.” He says with another kiss to your forehead and a little bow as he stands. “Wait for me, my princess, and I will return with your Breakfast soon.” He tells you with a wink, and then heads out in search of your breakfast.

You and Ann chuckle at his antics.

He heads out the door and hails a cab, then heads home to change clothes and get freshened up. Aiden calls and he tells them about the mission you sent him on. Aiden chuckles and offers to pick him up and they will go get you and them breakfast. He thanks them and they arrive within a half hour to his place.

He climbs in the back seat and they head off to their favourite breakfast joint to grab food to eat. They all order their food to go and then head to a coffee shop so Rich can get you a cappuccino and himself a coffee. Once they have everything, they all head back to the hospital.

During the drive, Scarlett shows Richard some of the dresses she found online. Some he didn’t care for, but others he loved. Then Scarlett showed him “THE DRESS” as she called it, saying she found it on a wonderful fashion blog on Tumblr. Richard’s jaw dropped. He nodded.

The gown was a black velvet fitted hourglass dress with a subtle pattern stamped into the velvet. Three thin spaghetti straps on each side criss cross across the open back to hold the dress in place. Along the front collar area were a triangle of blood red rubies pointing down to your belly, the slit at the front and center of the bottom of the dress went up to your knee height and was lined with blood red fur trim and it looked like the inside of the skirt was lined with the furry trim as well. It followed the hem of the dress around to the back and lined the bottom hem of the dress. It was stunning in the photo and Richard wanted to see you wear it for the London premiere.

Scarlett grinned and could see Richard trying to picture you in the gown. Yes, if you wore this, you would most definitely be getting laid that night! She realized.

Richard asks Scarlett to send him the photos of the dress and the designer’s name. She does and he immediately contacts the designer and asks if they would consider making this dress for you in your size for his movie premiere. They agree to, and ask him to send them your measurements and tells him to bring you to their design studio next week. He sends them the measurements he got from Scarlett and then looks and tells them that next Sunday would work best for him. They agree on a time and he enters it into his planner on his phone that is linked to his assistant’s so she can see the appointments too.

Richard smiles. “Ok, so we have this dress, the pink and gold one, and the one that Graham bought for her. We just need one more dress. Let’s show her these and let her pick the last one for the Hong Kong Premiere.” He explains.

Scarlett nods. “I can’t wait to see how great she will look in these, Rich. She is going to LOVE them!!!” she says excitedly. “I wish we could go and see the premieres and walk the red carpet with you guys.” She says dreamily.

Aiden and Rich exchange glances and smirk. Aiden raises an eyebrow and Rich nods. Aiden nods back. Rich looks down to his phone and messages his agent and the director asking if it is possible he could have two more tickets for each of the four premieres.

They arrive back at the hospital and head up to your room. When they enter your room, they see Graham sitting by you reading his book, the nurse is finishing hooking up your iv. You’re freshly showered and are trying to comb out your hair, which is slung over your right shoulder. You have your black peasant top on with your corset and some light makeup. Phantom is sitting at the foot end of your bed and raises his head and woofs at the three people entering the room, his nose sniffing the air as he smells everyone’s breakfast.

“Hey!” you say, grinning. “Thought you guys got lost or something.” You tease. “Scarlett, can you help me get this combed out? It’s more snarled today for some reason. I don’t think my hair likes the hospital shampoo.” You tell her. “Maybe one of you can bring mine and the conditioner up the next time you come to visit.” You ask.

She tells you she’ll bring it next time, then takes the bottle of hair oil and puts some in her hands. You sit up and she works it into the snarls and tangles, then gently finger combs the larger tangles out. Handing her the comb, you sigh as she works out the smaller tangles and gets your hair all nice and smooth and shiny. You have her part it down the middle of your head and you begin to French braid it while they get breakfast set up.

Richard watches in fascination as you weave your hair into the braids. “How do you not get it all tangled with your fingers?” he asks as you braid the second one on the side he is standing on.

You glance up at him and reply, “It’s easy once you know how to do it. I just add small amounts of hair to each of the two outer strands, then braid it like a normal three strand braid, then add another small amount to each of the outer strands each time I go to braid. See? Watch.” You tell him and slow down your fingers so he can see the process.

“Oh! I see what you mean, now!” he tells you. Finishing your braid, you look around for another hair tie. “Where did that hair tie go? I just had it on my leg!” you ask.

He glances around and then sees it on the floor. “Here it is, Love. It fell on the floor when you moved.” He tells you as he picks it up and hands it to you. “What are you getting all dolled up for?” he asks.

“Um, Rich, Honey, the first court hearing is today, remember?” you remind him. He rolls his eyes and nods. “I forgot it was today, sorry.” He tells you and lets out another yawn.

You raise an eyebrow at him and then look at the breakfast food. Grinning you dig into your breakfast and savor each bite. The four of you talk and chuckle.

“What time are you meeting with he judge?” Scarlett asks. You tell her the time and she looks up at the clock. We had better get your laptop set up with Skype, honey.” She informs you.

You nod and Rich grabs your laptop off the shelf and hands it to you. Aiden helps you set up a Skype account and gets you all ready for the call.

You thank them all for the help and Aiden and Scarlett head out after you all finished eating. “Let us know how it goes, Sweetie.” Scarlett tells you as she gives you a hug.

You nod and wave as they leave. Phantom comes over and lays down next to you and puts his head on your lap. Then sits up and scoots closer to you and rests his head on your shoulder and whines a little.

You sigh and look over at him and pet his head.

Stay tuned, more chapters to follow!!!

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naomixhill · 4 years

Text

Naomi’s Story

My childhood was idyllic and surrounded in opulence in the wealthiest municipality of Rhode Island on the western side of Narragansett Bay. Goombahs ran the village, misguided judgment and organized corruption ran rampant in our leadership from the police, to the mayor, to the school board, but no one talked much about that. Instead, we focused on our waterfront properties, Italian fine dining restaurants, and seemingly perfect lives while the men took care of business. I grew up with wops and old money, and nothing in between.

In 2005, my father’s firm went bankrupt, and with it, went half our assets tied up in privately held stock. My father’s dream was to be a New York financial services man, a true business man, and he worked on that from the cornfields of Indiana. All throughout his early years, he worked two factory jobs to pay his college tuition in hopes to be somewhere better than he was. To provide for his mother, the immigrant from Wales, and to to be a force of stability for his young, first family. He never got to New York, but I was determined that I would live out that dream. So by fifth grade, when everyone else wanted to be a vet or a doctor or a teacher, I said I wanted to be an investment banking analyst for Goldman Sachs. We had to move from Rhode Island to the midwest after the demise of the company. My father took his second family, my mother and I, back to Indiana. He wanted something easier than what New England was, something cheaper, something nicer, something familiar. But, I was different. I was the embodiment of New England: I spoke with a thick accent, my hair was curly and big, and my values were different. The cornfield kids couldn’t quite understand me. I went from being the most popular schoolyard kid with tons of wop friends and hanging out with their daddies, the barones, the bagmen, the consigliere's, the dons, to trying to integrate myself with the children of farmers and working to middle class professionals. And so, beginning in fifth grade, I was different. When I sat down at the lunch table, the other children took their lunches to another spot; at recess, I would go to swing, and the others would go to the slides. And I tried to be like the others, I wanted to fit in. I began speech therapy, I dressed in their clothes, I read their books and watched their television shows, but it wasn’t enough even back in those days. My entire early adolescence was hallmarked by rejection and desperately wanting to be liked, to even be marginally accepted. I went to five different schools from 2005 - 2009, all with similar results. My parents finally sent me to a Catholic school in downtown Indianapolis off 56th street. There, I met a group of black poets that finally gave me the acceptance and friendship that I had craved for years. It was my first taste of normalcy in almost five years. And I met a boy, Robbie, who I took home. I realized that day that the world is not as colorblind as I am. My father told me that it was the saddest day of his life since his mother died. And later that year, as I continued to be involved in poetry groups and cultural clubs, I competed in a statewide poetry slam. I won the state award for my poem and my parents threw away the trophy. So, who was I supposed to be? Everything started to get confusing as every turn I made seemed to be the wrong choice and my victories were detriments. And amid all of this, the recession was happening and worsened. Company consolidations and closures caused my family to relocate again, this time to Ohio. The village reminded me of Rhode Island a bit; on the far east side, this small, cozy village had a median household income of $187,00 with only a couple thousand residents. The high school looked like the University of Pennsylvania, and all of the homes were brick, big, and beautiful. And so I set out again to be a new version of myself: the blonde, straight haired, Coach-wearing, Abercrombie-wearing girl. Would they like me as a sophomore? No, they didn’t. Because as much as I tried, most of the kids had known each other for years and there wasn’t space for me. So I did as I had done in the year prior: I found the black poets, the people who seemed to get me and understand my struggle. Meanwhile, I joined track, of which I was one of two whites, there, too. Within a month into the school year, I was typecast with all sorts of derogatory terms. But it didn’t matter to me, yet, and I was happy with my friend group, and met another boy, J. And there were never two people closer. J was a state champion track star who wrote poetry and attended our school half of the day, and attended a trade school for the remainder of the day. We bonded as he helped me condition and train, and we passed a poetry journal back and forth. Though my friend Rayvon told me, “he’s trouble,” it didn’t stop me. I was used to being marginalized, and almost empathized with the fact that J was too. Still, I wanted to fit in and be liked. So when Rayvon set me up with her friend, I went along with it. Then, on September 4, 2009, we went to Micah’s birthday party, hosted in a multi-million dollar home in our village in the basement. J and I were both in relationships with other people, mostly on the recommendations of other people, but it didn’t stop him from kissing me. In front of everyone. And in five seconds, I lost everyone in my life. And so, not knowing where to turn, I called J the following Monday. We met at the local coffee shop. I had an exam the following day, so he suggested that we studied at his house. I agreed. And as soon as we walked into his home, and closed the front door, it was no sooner that I was in a forced grip. I laughed at first, thinking my poetry-loving friend was teasing, but he wasn’t. Fear sunk in. He dragged me upstairs, as I was kicking and screaming, undressed me, and shoved himself into me. I was fifteen and a virgin. The next day, people at school laughed at me. They called me the slut who slept with J. “Slut.” “Whore.” And again, I was a marginalized and lonely outcast just two months into a new school. Shouldn’t I have been used to it? People laughed at me and gossiped about me and no one knew anything. After this, things got fuzzy for me. I hardly remember the next two years much at all. I hung around a lot of shady people and did things that I wish I could take back, what little I remember, but deep down I knew I didn’t really deserve much better. A lot of people put their hands on me back then. Going into my senior year, J made the news. He murdered his long time girlfriend right there in one of our quaint village homes in the foyer. I remember watching the live local news stream in a trance, not quite sure if what I was seeing had any base in reality but it did. And J called me that night after not speaking to me in two years. I didn’t pick up. By the end of the night, he was shot dead in the Walgreen’s parking lot and they extracted his girlfriend’s body out of the trunk of his car. I went to the memorial in his family’s home, the same one that I had been to all of those years prior. His mother looked at me, and said to me, “It’s you. You’re the girl.” She took me upstairs to his bedroom where photos of me and our shared poetry and letters were scattered across his desk. What the fuck do you do with that, even now, after all this time has passed? The rest of the night remains a blur. I only really remember one thing about my senior year: Briyana, the new girl from the nearby Catholic school. She took to me right away, and I took to her right back. And despite desperately needing a friend, I told her to keep her distance from me; I told her that to say I was unpopular was an understatement, and her reputation would be tarnished in being seen with me. So she did stay away. And I remember almost nothing else, just small clips of getting suspended, of shooting up PCP, of smoking weed in the girls locker room, of getting by in school with high remarks because it still wasn’t that challenging to me. So then I went to the community college the next year. I crossed paths with Briyana again by chance. Our boyfriends were suite mates, and we became best friends. We were all a family that year. We helped each other and took care of each other. But we were also wild and reckless and young. Tyga’s Molly played on the background frequently as the bunch of them snorted lines and partied into the night. I was the only one that did ever end up graduating in that bunch. And through a series of unfortunate events, everything fell apart. And I absolutely had to go this time. And go far. So Binghamton, NY happened. And I recreated myself again. This time, I was going to be an Air Force ROTC gal studying financial engineering and statistics. It had to work, I needed it to work. And again, I had wonderful suite mates and people that talked like how I used to, and more than anything, I was so proud of what I was accomplishing away from the disaster that the midwest had been for me. But as suddenly as I felt safe, it was over... again... Several months into the school year, my Air Force paperwork was rejected by HQ. Prior drug use, self-injury scars, you name it and I had it. And perhaps for the first time, but not the last time, I totally destructed. I threw up everyday, my veins bulged, I was dizzy and disoriented and often forgot where I was or who I was. So, hence, a medical withdrawal. But with my autoimmune symptoms and underlying medical issues, I had to see a specialist. And with a sick twist of irony, that specialist was in Columbus, Ohio. After a multi-month stint of being on bed rest and racking up over $150,000 in medical bills, I enrolled at Ohio State. And as I was sitting in a Slavic Film class on a Tuesday, I saw Briyana going into the nearby classroom in McPhearson Hall. And just like that, we reconnected again as if no time had passed. I was still sick in those days and hardly a hundred pounds, so Briyana became a caregiver to me of sorts. And we were inseparable. Not soon after we reconnected, we moved in together in off-campus housing in Columbus’s Chinatown. She worked for Bob Evans and I worked for an insurance company, and we both attended classes full time. This was around the time that Obama passed all sorts of labor laws, one of which required employers to give certain benefits should their employees work a minimum number of hours. Briyana’s hours were cut by over half about a month prior to our next tuition statement coming due. I told her about a site my friend Trina used, Seeking Arrangement. “You just go on dates with lonely men and they pay you.” If only it was that easy. I thought it was that easy. She signed up and when the day came to meet this guy, she couldn’t do it. So I went in her place. And I found out quickly that it had nothing to do with going on dates at all. But by this point, sneaking into college exams for Briyana was nothing really. I was willing to commit any conceivable sin for the person who nursed me back to health and I felt gave me my entire life back and more. As I learned, three grand has a fucking high price tag. At nineteen years old, I was in way above my head. Blackmail. Guns. Threats. So I kept doing it, and I was so used it - just trying to survive. And then, amid all of this, Briyana met Jo. And everything I did is reduced to a kind favor but it’s all now in the past. One day, I came home from visiting my parents and our entire apartment was empty, right down to the missing bed, kitchen table, and shower curtain. What did I have left? I was still enrolled at the Fisher College of Business and a part of a financial club on campus and investment banking program. The president of the club, C, had roofied me and assaulted me in months prior but that was semantics? This is the same one that threw me down a flight of stairs on my birthday, but why not? In hindsight, it was stupid of me to ever think his red hair could be a symbol for warmth instead of the fiery hell that he was. But still, I remember thinking that we could create something beautiful out of our individual brokenness. It’s still a sore point for me even now when I reminiscence on this and recall that he had dozens of me. He knew about what happened with Briyana, and everything that it entailed to be her loyal friend. When we would fight, he would hold it all over my head and taunt me. Our relationship ended in the Sexual Violence Office at Ohio State and his degree was nearly revoked. I was ready to fight fire with fire. No one was going to blackmail me anymore. And then again, the void. But I was so busy at work and trying to manage a full school load, I didn’t have any more energy or time to devote to interpersonal relationships. Until I met C. And there were so many red flags: twice divorced, three children, a war veteran, and a current prop fund owner based out of Manhattan. What could go wrong except everything? C and I were engaged in three months. We met while he was traveling the midwest for work at a local bar near the college campus. At first, he was everything I ever wanted: an Italian, handsome man with incredible work ethic, passion for life, and wit. He was so sharp and so alluring, you could see peoples’ eyes watching him in restaurants, bars, and as we walked in the Short North. And he understood my pain well and had his own. We married and I moved back home to the northeast. We lived in Philadelphia and New Jersey. It was all great until it wasn’t. I can’t speak on it yet, but it was three long years of maximum verbal and physical abuse, resulting in me returning to Ohio in an effort to escape. And then, now divorced and as frail as I could have been, I met, D. There was entire year, 2018, where I couldn’t leave my apartment without panic attacks, wasn’t working much, and wasn’t really going to school. I just existed. I finally joined a small insurance company that spring, and the following spring, as I was re-acclimating to society and, truly, life again, D came into my life. April 25, 2019. And D gave me a lightness in my life that I never had before. And he made me laugh sincerely. He listened to me, and understood me, and respected me for all I was in the past, all I presently was, and all I hoped to be. He gave me my twenties back and let me, for the first time, be young and carefree. He would take me to beautiful places, like Maumee Bay in Toledo and state parks, and I took him to all my favorite secret spots around the city of Columbus. We would go to coffee cafes and parade High Street and laugh on the weekends like I had never laughed. I told him things I had never told anyone. And when we would make love, it felt like he was kissing and running his fingers across my soul. And I realized by May of 2019, I never knew true love until I knew him. And it felt like everything that happened in my life had to happen in order to be there in that moment with him. Perhaps inappropriate, perhaps premature, but I knew I wanted to marry him. I knew I wanted a life with him for as long as my days on earth. But as my feelings continued to strengthen and I felt with full certainty that I would spend my life with D, his feelings faded. I was too much. Being with me hurt. It wasn’t easy. And so as I thought we were building an empire, he was setting the house on fire to watch it burn. And I knew by the winter that he could never really love me. As much as I wanted him to, as much as I loved him, I couldn’t overcome that to love back was a choice and it wasn’t one he could make. So February of 2020 happened. It will remain the hardest month of my life, perhaps until now.

This was not cathartic or meaningful in any way.

#autobiography #me #bpd #intj

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schoolastica · 4 years

Text

Writer in the dark

Starker AU. Based on the song by Lorde. Also in my AO3 profile, as ilikesadstories.

Break the news, you’re walking out

To be the good man to someone else

His bags are by the Penthouse door. Tony has a lump on his throat and a Tablet in his hands showing the headlines:” Stark and Parker are officially done!!!.”

Peter has a lump in his throat and the Penthouse keys in his hands. He already said goodbye to Edith, Tony’s dalmatian, and he cleared the place of anything that belonged to him. No reason to stretch the pain more than it needs to. Tony’s back is turned on him.

He wants to scream, to command Tony to the acknowledgment that he's leaving. He does no such thing. Tony only starts to cry when he hears the elevator doors closing. That’s it; that’s three years of relationship on a ride to the lobby. Tony suppose they have been rotten for a long time, they just didn’t want to let it go, not just yet. But it happened. After three years, 2 cop-related problems, 4 major fights, 1 photo of Tony cheating.

They hanged more than most people would.

Sorry, I was never good like you.

Tony Stark wasn’t a good man. Not good like Rhodes was, or good like Steve was, not nearly as a good man as Peter Parker was. He was rotten through and through, too old, too spoiled. He was a writer, he made his fortune written the sci-fi book series called “Avengers” when he was 15 and bored. All of the characters were based on his friends at the time, friends that didn’t even keep contact with him now. But he made money, real money. Enough to start his publisher, the Stark Royal Seal, worth billions, now that he was at his 50’s.It seemed like an eon ago when he was young and excited about being famous.

That was a time, right at the beginning, that Tony loved press, every tabloid about him, good or bad, was a prize. He was 15, inexperienced and easily lead on. By his 20, he was a world-wide playboy, he never stopped being. Now, a much older man, he had written 20 novels, 15 for the Avengers series(and he's not going back to writing it, Steve deserves a rest) and 5 romances, 3 of them were a critic failure.

Now he gets to live in his big, brand new Penthouse in the middle of Manhattan, all alone; because the love of his life is going down the elevator to never come back. As he lays down, crying in the fetal position, feeling a pain he only ever felt when his parents died, he thinks he will write a novel about hurt the next morning.

Bet you rue the day you kissed a writer in the dark

Their first meeting was a thing from the movies. Tony Stark, the acclaimed writer, the same man that was in a sex-tape leaked last week at the same time to have a billion contract with Netflix to produce the film adaptations of his book series, had to make a commemorative reading of the 30th year of the release of Avengers: The year of the fallen.This event was the most waited for in his whole schedule, Pepper had been talking about it, how he should be dressed and how he should behave since January.

The reading would be more symbolic than anything, it would take place in the first bookstore Tony ever did the first reading, Schmidt & Cia Bookstore. It only fits about 300 hundred people there, so the tickets at 500$ each were sold out in 40 minutes and about 10 of them were donated to raffle to the NY Writing course students. When the day came, Tony drank so much in anxiety that Pepper almost had a fit. She arrived at the Penthouse, threw the last of his expensive scotch in the sink and practically made him look presentable. Pepper had been with him since he was 18, they had a brief romance in the ’90s but now, seeing at how they behaved, it made sense to broke up, she was more of a mother to him than anything.

So here they were, once again at the front of Schmidt & Cia Bookstore. The building was still intact, even after years, all its colors and its old sign at the front of the window. The major difference was that now, at least a thousand of hallucinated fans were surrounding it, all screaming when his car, drove by Happy, approached. When he got out, the did the usual: smiled to everyone, old or young, talked to some reports and flirted around. He only wanted to come out of the little room they had prepared for him when the time of the reading came. When that happened, he lifted himself a little podium to speak and looked around the little crown that gathered around him.

Some faces there surprised him, they were middle-aged men, by the end of the room, witch Tony knew were powerful. All of them looking eagerly for his words. The ones closer to the podium were pretty, extremely young. His gaze wandered in each of their faces, landing on the prettiest boy he ever laid eyes upon. Curly, brown hair, smooth and fair skin(probably never touched) and a Cherubin's face. His brown eyes were sparkling while he held a hold, absolutely worn down a copy of his book, close to his heart. He was probably from the NY Writing course.

It seems like a foolish thing now, how Tony took one good look at that open and fresh face and got his strength from there. But he did. He smiled at the cameras pointed at him and said: “I want to start this reading by saying that a lot has changed since the first time I did this. People came and people left, but throughout all of this, I always had this crew” he lifted the heavy book as in indicating what he was saying,” to help me”. And with that, he began the reading. The first chapter was pretty much introductory, Captain America was aboard the spaceship J.A.R.V.I.S in search of his long lost crew that was lost in their last mission. The chapter had about 4 pages of text, and while reading it, Tony couldn't stop thinking how his first draft wasn't much different than this, and how his writing style had changed since he was 15.

When the chapter was over, everyone stood to give him a minute of applause and all of the journalists present shouted questions about him, about his legacy. He tried to ignore it because now it was time for him to give his autographs.Pepper and their team set up a little table, in front of a wall full of posters from the books, where Tony would sit and sign everything that 300 people wanted him too. He had his special pen for this, alongside with a bucket full of ice for his tired hands and a sly smile and soothing words for everyone. Tony had probably given his signature to about 100 people when he received the old and worn down first edition of his book.

Surprised, he looked up to see that beautiful and shy boy fixing his glasses while looking at him, blushing. If Tony was a good man, an honorable man, he would have smiled and signed the book without a word, being polite but not curious about this youngster in front of him. But he was a nasty, nasty man. He smiled his sweet smile, the one he knew made people’s knees buckle and said:” You must be quite a nerd to spend this kind of money in a first edition, Mr……?’ he fished for a name. “Oh’ the boy seemed surprised that Tony recognized the book “This was a gift, actually,” The boy said.

Tony kept looking at him, for a more elaborate story.“My dad bought it when it first came out’ the boy’s voice was soft and open as his face was “He gave it to me one month before he died. That's why I want you to dedicate it to ‘Richard and Peter Parker” if that's not a bother’ he said, his voice disappearing through the sentence. Tony analyzed him, smiled broader, and wrote: To Richard and Peter Parker, always in each other's hearts. He got the book back to its owner and said:” What are you doing after this?”.

Bet you rue the day you kissed a writer in the dark

They meet that same night, in a new restaurant called Francesco's Dark Dinner. The whole thing was a weird concept, a place where you had to use all your senses minus the sight, and it a young, youthful place. Tony suggested an old, well-known restaurant, with fine culinary but Peter had said that it was a place with great Italian food. He arrived earlier and waited for his partner to arrive while listening to the conversation around him.

When Peter arrived, he couldn't see how he was dressed or if he had a good day, the only thing he was glad he could do was smell a sweet, strawberry scent that he basked in. Their conversation was fluid, vivid, along with truly great food (Tony was really satisfied with his dishes) and Peter was, in no short of words, a true genius. He was in the NY Writing program and he was older than what he looked like, he was 20 years old. He was an only child, like Tony, who lost his parents at a young age, like Tony, but he never drank or took anything, unlike Tony. He almost didn't get a place at today's reading, his name was the last call, and he had cried of happiness when he got it. He was extremely polite and his voice stutters every time Tony brushed their hands together.

He was a prey ready and ripe for the taking.

When they kissed, Peter tasted like youth.

Stood on my chest and kept me down

Hated hearing my name on the lips of a crowd

Did my best to exist just for you

They had been great, really good for each other in the first year. Tony decided to be the best version of himself, he was punctual and caring. He introduced Peter to Pepper, Rhodes, and Happy as his boyfriend and he demanded respect. They pretended to dislike the boy at the beginning, saying he was too young and naive, but Tony saw Pepper’s hidden smirks, Rhodes open laughs at Peter’s stupid space jokes and saw how protective Happy became of him.

Peter's friends were a completely different story. MJ was a force to fight with, she looked at Tony as if he had killed Santa Claus with his bare hands. Ned was a funny goofy person, saw no evil in no one. Tony took them to Conney Island and they hang around the pier till sunset. During all this time, Ned would’ve shut up and MJ said about 3 words. It didn’t matter though, because Peter had smiled so wide all the time and when they went back to Tony’s place, he rode Tony’s cock like a champion.

Sex with Peter was a whole different experience. Either if they fucked quick and dirty or slow and passionate, it always made Tony shine with joy afterward. When he was younger, Tony had the habit of smoking a cigarette after a good fuck, but that ended when he quit smoking. Now, after leaving Peter sleeping in his bed, he develops the habit of writing. He starts writing and does it through the night. At the beginning, it’s just some short stories or he just describes what he just did with Peter(in very raw, crude words) but as the months are passing, it starts to form a romance novel. It’s about two man, not quite right for each other and every time Tony needs inspiration, he looks over at Peter, peaceful sleeping, his back shining with the sweat of their past activity and he has all the words he needs.

Peter was on the edge of finishing his degree and had an internship with the Osborn publishing, Tony offered him a place at his own company, Peter said no. He wats to grow alone, working in newspapers and them to release his own novel someday. Peter really wants to write a romance, but he secretly enjoys writing children’s books, actually. It really tells a lot about his personality. They are really into each other in their first year. Peter graduates and Tony is there with beautiful aunt May and Peter’s friends to celebrate. They go on summer vacation in Tony’s village in Italy and they make love under the stars there. When New Year’s Eve arrives, their picture was featured in all the major gossip magazines and Peter goes to Tony’s annual party.

When the watch hits 0, they kiss so deeply that Tony can taste Peter’s soul. Now she's gonna play and sing and lock you in her heart7 months after their break up, Tony is releasing his first book since having crushed his heart. ‘Resorsfullness’ its called. Its a tragedy, it was developed from that first romance novel Tony had begun to write during the first year with Peter. After they broke up, his writing became bitter and it slowly morphed into an epic love tragedy.

Pepper said it was the best works he ever did, she organized a huge US Tour and the marketing is heavy on this one. He drinks his weight and cries himself to sleep every night, but his life is still together. He still googles Peter’s name weekly and finds out that he’s releasing a second children’s book next fall. He pretends to be fine when he’s around his friends, but the only person he cant pretend to is Pepper. She sees right through all his bullshit, she invades his penthouse one day and pours his drinks in the sink and clean his kitchen. She screams at him when he wakes up and almost cries when Tony starts crying. She holds him through it all and just loves him for all he is.

I am my mother's child, I'll love you 'til my breathing stops

I'll love you 'til you call the cops on me

The first time the cops are called for them, they are dating for 19 months and they are getting tired. Tony drinks a lot, everyone knows that. Peter knows that, but he doesn’t like it. So they go to one gathering party of The Daily Budge, the newspaper Peter is working for. Tony always thought J.J. Jameson was funny, but the guy used Peter like he was a slave and pissed him off. To add up, Peters coworker, Quentin Beck, was a little shit.Peter never hid from anyone in his relationship, so Beck knew who he was seeing. Still, the guy would hit on Peter heavily and whenever he talked to Tony, he implied how old Tony was, how Peter was probably unsatisfied and that he was useless. Tony punched him, Peter screamed at Tony and they left the party in a huge arguing.

Tony gave Happy the day off so they decided to walk to and from the party, so they went the whole way to their home. At some point, they screamed so much that a passing by called the cops. It wasn’t pretty, they were on the next day’s highest searched subject on google.

The second time the cops were involved was when Tony was banging on Peter’s door at three am, begging for forgiveness, 2 weeks before they split.

But in our darkest hours, I stumbled on a secret power

I'll find a way to be without you baby

Tony’s strength cames back to him together with his words. Pepper clean his house sets him up straight and takes him to long walks in Central Park with Edith. Tony promise to stop drinking for once, he joins an AA and Rhodes and Happy take turns taking him there. Edith is the best pal he ever had, loves him and makes him do exercises every day.

The ache in his chest slowly fades, still there, but not so latent anymore. The first work he does, besides the hurt book that Pepper makes it be a success, is poems. He never wrote poems before, but the words bleed from him every sunrise and every sunset. He’s sitting in a Central Park bench, throwing a ball to Edith, that runs excited around the park, when he watches a small family picknick. He sees how the father acts with his 2 children, and watches how they sit eagerly to read ‘Polka dot dog’ by Peter Parker when the first seed of his idea is planted on the back of his mind.

He spends the next month searching about kids and by the end, he meets with Pepper to discuss having children. Tony knows she always wanted to be a mom, never found someone quite right, but when he brings that up she just laughs at him. ‘You can’t be serious, you don’t even look after yourself” she tells him. He promise he changed, that he’s ready, but it still takes her 2 months to come around the idea.They visited a Fertility clinic right after that.

They weren’t good for each other romantically, but they are the best of the friends and the doctor says they have a good chance to conceive. 16 months after they broke up, Pepper is confirmed to be pregnant, and Tony’s heart hurt is almost healed.

I still feel you, now and then

Slow like pseudo-ephedrine

When you see me, will you say I've changed?

I ride the subway, read the signs

I let the seasons change my mind

I love it here since I've stopped needing you

Peter was, without better words to put it, Tony’s first love. He had loved that boy as much as he could, as hard as he could, but it hadn’t been enough. He experienced his first true heartbreak late in life, but now he feels it all was worth it. His daughter, Morgan, was his true love, he knew that.

She was 5 years old and she was perfect. Tony hadn’t touched a bottle of alcohol for almost 6 years now, Pepper was so proud of that. Pepper was his best friend, she was his rock of moral rightness. They lived separated, but they were 5 minutes away from each other, Morgan was starting to walk between the houses all by herself. The last book Tony published was called ‘Parenthood and all the things I didn’t know how to do’ and it was his first attempt at poems, all about parenting. It was a huge success. But Morgan didn’t like his writing. She loves small, funny little children’s books and her favorite book was Mrs.Penguin by Peter Parker. His heart stopped every time she asked him that book as a goodnight story.

On his Sunday with her, Pepper looked apologetic to him and said she had promised to take her to a reading of the newest book Peter was going to publish but she had a party to go. He feels bile rising in his throat but he smiles and takes Morgan to see her first favorite author. The bookstore the reading is happening is small but childlike and Morgan looks amazed.

The book is named ‘The sunflower and the frog’ and when Peter shows up to do the reading, he looks straight at Tony and smiles. Morgan is not exactly a secret, Tony and Pepper are constantly at the news, and when its time for autographs, Tony had to wait in line for 50 minutes till Morgan got her chance. Peter looks dashing, 29 years old and beaming with health and fashion. He now looks more like a man than he did before, so pretty that Tony aches. Peter gives Morgan a big smile and asks if she likes his books. The girl is absolutely besotted by the young author, opening up like a little flower and Tony can’t help thinking that Starks always falls for Parkers. Peter gives her full attention and only looks at Tony when he’s signing the book.

He says, looking at Tony’s eyes: “I’m writing: To my dear Morgan, the happiest girl I’ve known’ and when he delivers the book back to Morgan he looks at Tony and says: What are you doing after this?

#starker #breakup #angst #hurt #songfic #starkerau

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sweetbunnykook · 6 years

Text

Only You (2)

Word Count: 7,674 // Angst, SMUT (knife play, blood play), Fluff

Photographer!Jungkook X Noona!Reader

Summary: Jeon Jungkook, your wedding photographer, helps you escape on your big day upon learning about a secret your groom-to-be kept hidden. You soon fall for this young, passionate photographer. However, you underestimated just how much he was willing to reciprocate that love. Maybe, you think, he’s loving you just a little too much.

‘Don’t be nervous, noona,’ he whispered, sliding the tip of the knife down the valley between your breasts, ‘just give in to me.’

Your back arches off the bed, cotton sheets sticking to your perspired skin, riding out your next orgasm. You could hear Jungkook moving but you can’t see him. Although the strip of cloth he used to blindfold you was quite sheer, he practically mummified your eyes until all you can see is black. If the cloth had been tied any tighter he would have surely hurt you but you wanted it that way, begged for it even. You wanted him to hold both your pain and pleasure on the tip of his knife. This was the only way you’ll get rid of Namjoon. You’ll give every piece of yourself to him until there’s nothing left, until you run out of yourself to give.

You struggle to move away from the knife but he had secured all four of your limbs with rope to the bedpost. There was nothing you can do except give in to his torture. He has you cornered and he knew you wanted it that way. You trusted him with your vulnerability.

However, your veins pulsed with fear. Like any human being you crave danger but the possible consequences spurned by your active imagination left your stomach churning. So when you felt the tip of his knife dig in the side of your stomach you struggled, dragging your arms until the ropes are pulled taught. You can feel a bead of blood trickle down the side of your waist followed by a warm wet tongue catching the droplet before it stained the bedsheets. Your wound burned with his saliva.

‘God, you’re so delicious’ you hear Jungkook groan into your honey skin, ‘I wish I can taste you forever.’

A harsh gasp left your mouth at his words. Your legs shook with vicarious satisfaction. You’d never felt love this intense and it terrified and thrilled you. You were not familiar with Jungkook’s way of loving but your body desired it nonetheless. It was the type of intensity that suffocated you, that made you relish in the feeling of being wanted and being owned like an animal. Who knew what went on behind his angelic, child-like face?

‘Kookie,’ you whined, lifting your hips only to have him straddle your thighs, the rough fabric of his jeans pressed against your silky skin. ‘It hurts.’

He lifted his head to look at your face. Your lips were parted, pink lipstick smudged down your jawline, sweat gathering at your temples and head tilted to one side to relieve the strain of being bounded for so long. Jungkook grabbed the film camera next to him and snapped, shuddering as he watched your defenseless state through his lenses. His stomach clenched at the sight, a familiar ache in his groin settling once more. He shrugged it off; tonight is all about you and he was going to make you feel it without him pushing his cock into you. He set the camera down and latched onto the wound with his mouth again, wanting the iron taste to stay longer. He had you weak underneath his tongue and he toyed with you like a piece of candy rolling from one corner of his mouth to another.

‘If it’s too much for you, you know what to say.’ He said, taking the cold knife lying next to the camera and gliding the back of it across your belly. ‘Although something tells me’ he murmured, balancing his weight on one knees and pushing the other knee between your legs, grinding it against your core. ‘you’re enjoying this as much as I am.’ He watched the fabric of his dark blue jeans darken with your wetness.

‘Is this true, noona?’ he asked, his eyes fixed on the wet stain on his knees, his voice sweet as if he was simply asking you how your day was. ‘Do you like me doing this to you?’

Unable to speak, you nodded, your breath hitching in your throat as the knife moved away. That only meant one thing and you got your answer when he made a deeper cut just below your breasts. He drove the knife deep and dragged sluggishly just so you can feel yourself being sliced open for him. You cried out, tears forming beneath your eyelids until you felt the warmth of his tongue again lapping up the wound like a kitten. He did not waste a drop, licking the slit repeatedly until blood no longer appeared. He dragged his tongue up to your nipples and latched onto the hardened bud between his teeth, pulling it slowly and suckling like a baby. Your baby boy, your everything, your Jungkook.

You exhaled a shaky breath, feeling nauseous with pleasure. ‘Lo…ve…’

‘Hn?’ he tilted his head to look up at you, his tongue rolling around your areola. If only you could rip the blindfold away and look at him. Oh how much you wish to see his lips stained red.

‘I love…you.’

You felt his smile on your breast followed by…nothing. Your head tilted from side to side as you strained to hear any kind of movement or rustle of clothing. Did you scare him off? No, that’s impossible. He’s practically sucking you dry, there was no way a simple declaration of love would scare him. Actually, it would spur him on to do something even harsher, stranger, something unpredictable. The thought made your heart leap and you laid on the bed motionless, soaked with your own sweat and cum, your heartbeat thundering in your ears as you prophesied what he was going to do next.

Just when you open your mouth to ask him you feel his hand grasp your cheeks, his groomed nails digging in your skin as he pushed your jaw down to force your mouth open. One heartbeat later you feel liquid trickling in your mouth, your throat clenching around it, your head tilting back from shock as you let out a gurgle. The liquid was slightly warm and thick, almost syrupy. And then you taste it; the iron, the rust, the deep red color staining your uvula.

Your heartbeat slowed, your muscles relaxing as your tongue darted out to lick wherever he cut himself. You feel the flesh of his palm at the tip of your tongue and blood sliding down your tongue at an alarming rate. You couldn’t speak, not with his fingers keeping your mouth agape and your concern for how deep he cut himself was lost in the sea of pleasure. You relaxed against the pillows and drank, relieved when the droplets slowed and he let go of your jaw. You took the chance to lift your head up to his palm and take the side of his palm in your mouth, sucking any remains of blood off him. You feel his free hand slide up to hold your hair, twirling the ends before digging it in your scalp and keeping your head in place. You can feel his eyes burning a hole in your skull.

‘I’m in you now,’ he purred and buried his face in the crook of your neck. You can feel his mouth stretch into a Cheshire grin, his breath warm on your damp skin. He kissed your clavicles. ‘You’re not going a-ny-where.’

You can only moan in response, your voice cracking, delirious with orgasmic pleasure. “Yes…yes…’

The hand in your mouth moved to tug the ends of the blindfold and you sighed as the pressure on your eyes weakened. You squirmed your way out from beneath the cloth and opened your eyes, blinking a few times to adjust even though the dim golden light came from just a small lamp on your nightstand. Nonetheless, it felt harsh on your eyes that had seen nothing but a velvet void for the past hour and a half. You blinked a few times at the ceiling, blinking away the purple specks in your vision. Once you adjusted you tilted your head down to face your sweet boyfriend staring at you in awe, as if he hadn’t seen anything more beautiful than a girl with blood stains across her lips and smudged eyeliner.

‘Show me your hand,’ you breathe, one corner of your lips tugging upwards. He looked absolutely adorable with his chin resting on your left breast, hair parted and chocolate bangs falling over his scrunched brows, his doe eyes darting up to meet yours.

He moved his hand so that it was directly in line with your vision and you gasp at the deep gash. It was still bleeding and although the bleeding had slowed, the painful red wound was blurred with streaks of blood. You tilt your head forward and licked his hand from his wrist all the way to the bottom of his index finger where the slit ended. He let out a choked grunt, his eyes darkening, his pants begin to tighten with his erection. He needed to convince you that this was a spiritual experience rather than sexual. Although he’d made you orgasm more times than you can count, he wanted to be completely selfless in this endeavor. He wanted to give until you’re filled with him, until there no space left for any other man. Your soul belongs to him now; you’ve drank his blood and he’d drank yours, the deal was done and there’s no going back.

‘Kookie that’s going to take too long to heal. Do you…’ you hesitated, ‘get excited by…this?’

He didn’t know how to answer your question so that it pleased you. He didn’t want to be considered as a freak or even worse, psychotic, someone who toyed with life. But he decided to be truthful, knowing that this experience would be tainted if he’d lied. Through evident hesitation, he nodded, his eyes darting down in shame, his cheeks reddening. It was as if he was the one tied to the bed, naked and vulnerable.

‘Oh baby,’ you sighed, melting at how innocent he looked. ‘don’t be ashamed.’ You tugged your wrists as if to embrace him, forgetting for the moment that you’re immobile. ‘I liked it.’ You smiled, dropping your hands beside your head. ‘I liked it very, very much. And,’ you moved your hips against his knee, the provocative gesture making him look up at you through his dark lashes. ‘I like the way you taste. You make me feel so good.’

A growl left his lips and he swooped down to capture your lips with his, tasting each other’s blood when tongue met tongue.

‘I love you so much, noona,’ he whimpered between kisses, pressing his tongue harder in your mouth ‘you’re so beautiful and you’re all,’ he peppered kisses down your jaw and up to the corner of your mouth again, lapping up the blood on your skin, ‘mine. It feels like I’m dreaming. Please tell me you’re all mine, please, I need to hear it.’ The kisses became rougher now, teeth meeting skin, bites leaving bruises. “Tell me. Tell me how I’m the only man who’ll see you like this, who’ll touch you like this, who can taste you like this.”

Dazed with affection you tilt your head away from him, “Nngh, baby, yes…I’m yours, I’m all yours. Ugh…” He palmed your breasts, the rough pads of his bloodied thumbs twirling your nipples until you feel small shocks of heat travel down to your belly. “Use me all you want, baby, please. My big, big, bunny,” you smiled, letting out a throaty moan, your teeth biting down on your lower lip, eyes rolling to the back of your head when he pressed two of his digits between your folds, enjoying how weak he’s made you.

So, you thought, in the midst of mind-numbing pleasure, this is Jeon Jungkook’s true face.

This was the first time you’d given yourself completely, shamelessly, to a man. You didn’t think you can do it to this extent, not even with Namjoon, and especially not after being broken into pieces. But somehow, Jungkook had managed to drag you by your throat into this deep ocean, as painful and as pleasurable it is. It was the sweetest romance you’ve ever had; no boundaries, no inhibitions. Just two bodies and two hearts merged into droplets of blood leaving a fragrant taste of warm iron.

“Fuck!” Jungkook growled as his hips lifted off the bed, pushing his throbbing cock into his fist.

This is the second time in the same hour that he’d masturbated to that night, the night when he made you his. He’d never seen something so sexy in his entire life; you, bounded, helpless, deprived one moment and overwhelmed the next, hair a mess, body streaked with blood, yours and his. His eyes were clenched shut, his teeth gritted as he pounded into his hand, chest heaving in frustration. Sweat trickled down his jaw, the translucent pearls dipping between his pecs.

He let out a sound, a mixture between a sob and a growl. “Noona…” he moved his fist up and down, gripping himself tight enough to compress his veins. “Noona…haahh, nngh, fuuuuck…noona…just a little more, yeah ngh yessss, right there, right there,” Toes curled, eyes squeezed shut, drenched in precum and sweat, he whined for you between moans, loving how the syllables bounced on the tip of his tongue. It felt dirty calling you his ‘big sister’ and he loved it. All he could see behind his eyelids was that image of you, of your ankles rubbed raw with rope, of the taste of you, the salty sweetness between your legs. If only he could live between your legs forever, drinking in your nectar while you lay helpless, fatigued with orgasms, a smile playing on your lips telling him you also hid some things behind that seemingly innocent face of yours. He wanted to do nothing but spit in your mouth and fuck it, stripping away your layers of shame. Just imagining your mouth around him, something he’s never had you do, made his teeth grit painfully. One day, he told himself, one day he’ll have the guts to ask you for it.

With every jerk of his hand his silver watch clicked against his wrist like it was ticking down the seconds.

Four more hours until you’re back from work. Four. Painful. Hours.

When you were gone Jungkook simply did not know what else to do. He released his violent appetite by cumming, draining himself enough to weaken his mind, just so that he can no longer keep track of the time. It was only after he released into his hand and steadied his breathing that he let the loneliness creep back up his spine, luring him back down to hell. Nothing will bring him satisfaction, not work, not the city with its bustling life; only you. He wondered when he became so unbalanced. Was it when he first laid eyes on you and knew he was willing to throw away everything to have you? Or was it before that, when he was born, when he found out things about himself that he hated along the way?

He wondered why he couldn’t have enough of you. All his life he’d been a career person and he found it to be his only solace; he was born working and he’d die working. His article was published yesterday, his gallery the month before was fairly successful and for a change of scenery, to keep his mind away from you, he focused on street photography. Usually he would take on assignments that were conveniently timed so that he could take you along with him. With one glance you became the only source of happiness in his bleak world, the only light in the darkroom that he called his life. Now that he decided to risk his usual creative process for something new, something exciting, he wouldn’t have the luxury to take you with him. The thought made his stomach churn. He didn’t like going out on the streets, especially alone. He found his contentment in your apartment, in this bubble of yours that he had the privilege of entering. Being around people made him nervous and sometimes he hated himself for that, blamed himself for things that were out of his control. Jungkook was born to be alone and that was how he lived; in isolation, in the dark, treading carefully and blending in with the background. He had very little friends and, upon adulthood, he had lost touch with most of them. The only person he’d regularly talk to is his childhood friend, Taehyung, who had recently taken a sabbatical from work. Other than their phone call once every week, he only had you. You, you, you.

That was one reason why he looked up to you. You took care of him when he was the neediest, you took care of him even if he didn’t ask, you asked him what he wanted for dinner unlike his mother, you taught him how to tie his tie unlike his father, and out of all the things you do for him, what he loved the most was how much you let him love you. You were everything to him and he knew, upon seeing you the first time up on that grassy hill, talking to the man you were going to marry at that time, that he wanted you. Even if you had gone through with the wedding, he would have found another way to stay in touch with you. Jungkook was persistent without being pushy, aggressive without being hostile and with such honed survival skills, he was able to win you over. He considered you his biggest achievement, his truest achievement.

He would be lying if he said he didn’t hope for you to rely on him the same way he relied on you. He was overjoyed when it first happened, as rare as they come. Since the wedding night you trusted heavily on his presence to feed your emotional needs, too embarrassed to face your family and friends. It started with a few emails, then it became phone calls that stretched from just mere minutes to entire nights. You’d tell him about anything and he’d listen, and he’d tell you about his art and you’d listen. Then you told him about what happened at the wedding, sparing no details, and he would tell you that you deserve better and shower you with ardency disguised as simple amicable words. It took an entire month of calls for you to agree to see him in public. Jungkook was ecstatic. His patience was gradually paying off. And within the next four months, he had you in his grasp. During that night, when you were in your bedroom with him, with his knife and his camera, he preserved every atom of you in his film reel.

Even now the thought makes him shudder in excitement.

Walking out of the bathroom while wiping his wet hands on his thighs, he waited for your phone call. He gradually moved to the cozy living room, lost in thought. It was already lunch break, so then why weren’t you calling?

He fished out the smartphone from his back pocket and checked again. No messages, voice mails, or calls. He sighed and threw himself on the couch, laying his head on the throw pillow to coddle in your scent that lingered on the white upholstery. He wanted to call you, to hear your sweet voice telling him you’ll be back before he could hang up the phone, but he couldn’t. Rather, he’d deal with the loneliness himself, let it eat him from the inside like a worm pushing its way from one end of a fruit to another. He obviously scared you this morning and looking even needier was not on his agenda. He has to distance himself from you, just for today, so you can breathe a little and chase after him. Yes, that was the plan and the plan always worked when done right. Jungkook learned how to string you along like a dog on a leash because that was what you’ve done to him emotionally. He may be able to physically move you, control your steps, but you had him wrapped around your finger and a simple tug, like you did this morning, would break him easily.

“Hello?’

Jungkook blinked. Where was your voice coming from? He blinked again, his eyes darting around and then he realized that he was holding his phone against his ear. When did he dial for you? When did his hands move on their own accord?

“Um…ah, n-noona,” he spoke, stuttering as he desperately tried to grasp onto reality. “A-are you still on your lunch break?”

He heard you sigh audibly and he could just imagine you sitting in front of your desk, massaging your temples. “No…no time to eat lunch. My new assistant accidentally deleted some of my files and he hadn’t backed it up like I told him to yesterday so I have to redo it again. I’m sorry, Kookie,” you sighed again, “I’ll probably be late tonight. Don’t bother waiting for me, just eat dinner and get some sleep.”

New assistant? You hadn’t mentioned that to him before. And it’s a ‘he’. Jungkook’s heart began to race. What the fuck happened to Sora? He’d met your previous assistant before and she was much older, approaching late 30s. No threat. But now, there’s a ‘he’ in your life and that ‘he’ was making his hands turn cold and his stomach drop. He inhaled through his nose and exhaled through his mouth. He trusts you; he trusts that your eyes won’t stray, that the only person harboring in your heart is him.

Jungkook kept his voice smooth, like you hadn’t just drove a knife into his chest. “Mm, I see. I wish I can do something to help you, noona. Please eat something though or you’ll get dizzy. How late will you be staying at work? It’s too dangerous at night if you’re in the office alone; there’s no security at your workplace either. I can come help you out if you need.”

You smiled. Your boyfriend was so kind, how could you ever stumble upon such an adorable boy after your nightmarish fiancé? “It’s okay,” you chuckled, “Seokjin will be with me so I’m not alone. I’ll probably need to stay two more hours at most.”

He clenched his eyes shut at your voice, your soft, saccharine voice, uttering another man’s name. Why did you have to say his name like that? Like you adored how it sounds on your tongue? Like how he says your name – with love that was borderline fatal.

Don’t ask about him. Don’t ask about him. Don’t ask about him. “Oh, I didn’t know you got a new assistant. What happened to Sora?” You idiot.

You giggled. “Sora got pregnant by accident so she’s on maternal leave right now. Her husband is soexcited that he requested for an extra month off on top of the initial plan. So,” you sighed again, “I’m going to be stuck with Seokjin for six months instead of the usual five. He came from the upper department so I’m in charge of teaching him all the gritty work us plebeians have to do in the office. I’m kind of excited though,” you giggled again, “I get a kick out of bossing those guys around.”

Jungkook tasted blood in his mouth and he clenched his phone tight in his hand, hearing a small creak as the plastic phone cover compressed under his grip. He knows exactly what it feels like to be on the receiving end of your dominant ways. The countless times you had him straddled, teased until he was sobbing and begging, denied of pleasure, vision blackening with how much you ‘get a kick’ out of bossing him around. And now this Seokjin person would be bossed around by you. He’ll get to see your dominant ways, of how your voice drops a near octave when you feign anger, of how your eyes turn steel cold when you feign disappointment. He gets to see it all and he’ll probably have fantasies of you doing that to him in the bedroom. He knows what men think when they see a beautiful, irresistible woman that carries herself well.

Jungkook exhaled, his breath shaky. Thankfully, you didn’t hear it. “Of course you do,” he chuckled although the voice sounded hollow in his ears, “hopefully the poor guy doesn’t run for the hills. Well, I just called to make sure you eat, which I’m telling you that you should. I’ll wait for you then.”

He could hear your smile in your voice and for a moment it warmed his heart.

“Okay, Kookie. I’ll see you tonight.”

His heart bursts each time you called him by his nickname. It was a name created by you just for him and only him. When you called him that each time, it was like you were telling him that you loved him without having to say those three words. Jungkook found it charming. Just when he was about to tell you that he loves you too, a man’s voice appeared, and it paralyzed him. The shadow of his smile disappeared and immediately a ball rose up to his throat. The man sounded young, just like him. After Namjoon, he knows how much your preferences have changed. He could see it in the type of pornography you watched; all the men sounded young, looked young, and fucked like young naughty boys. He prided himself on being your ideal type. That is, until this other man whose voice, velvety and light, competed with his. He could tell that voice belonged to no other than your new assistant, Seokjin.

‘I think I recovered the files! Look! See? I told you I’m not THAT bad with paperwork. Oh…sorry, I didn’t know you were on the phone.’

“Okay let me see first before you mess it up again,” you say moving the phone away from your ears. Then you turned your attention back to Jungkook who’d stayed dead silent on the line. “Baby, are you still there?”

“Yes.”

His voice was cold as stone. But you didn’t notice. Of course you didn’t, most of your attention was on Seokjin and his enthusiastic mouse clicking away at your screen. If Jungkook could see you right now he’d surely cry. Not only is Seokjin in the same desk space as you, he had his chair rolled next to you in excitement that you could smell his cologne and even name the expensive brand; diptyque philosykos. It was the type of scent that had women swooning.

“I have to go now. Maybe I won’t have to stay late,” you laughed, “bye, I’ll see you home.”

“Mm, goodbye.” He muttered and a flat beep was heard yet he found himself holding onto the cellphone, listening to silence.

At last he slid the phone down his ears and threw it on the polished coffee table where his photographs lay. The device hit the surface with an audible ‘clang’, cutting deep into the silence. He’d lost all interest in being productive today. Too much was on his mind – thoughts that he knows aren’t true but he tormented himself with them anyway. He didn’t want to give into his feelings, but he was hurt. Just in excruciating pain, pain that made his fingers numb and blurred his vision with tears. He blinked them away quickly, moving to the kitchen and opening the fridge.

If you might work late today then you’d be hungry when you got back right? He had to make something, as drained as he felt at that moment. He need to make sure you’re healthy. He opened the fridge but couldn’t make out anything – everything was a sad, blurry, mess. He closed the door. Five minutes, just five minutes of rest and he’ll make something delicious for you, something that will only have you thinking about him and what a loving boyfriend he is. His chest suddenly felt heavy, as if someone wrapped stones around his ribs, and he leaned his forehead on the side of the fridge and cried, images of Seokjin making you smile and brushing his fingers over yours burning behind his eyelids. Jungkook never hated himself as much as he did when he cried.

He clutched the fabric of his white button-down shirt over his heart, sliding down the fridge, broken sobs leaving his lips, his shoulders shaking.

Like a plant springing between the cracks of concrete, a conversation he once had with you pounced to light. He didn’t know why he remembered it at that exact moment, but he closed his eyes and recalled your voice, your words sounding muffled.

‘Aww baby, please come out. I know you’ll look cute in them!’

Jungkook sighed, staring at himself in the mirror. He rolled the legs of his overalls up just above his ankles and rolled each ankle. He tugged on the buckles and moved to undo the top button of the cozy shirt underneath. There was no way to make this look sensual, not one bit. He combed his hair to the side but the same strand kept falling over his brows and he threw his hands up in frustration, crinkling his nose up to keep the fake rounded glasses just above the tip of his nose. If he didn’t know you as well as he did he would’ve thought you had a farmer kink. Or a Clark Kent kink.

‘Please!’ he heard you plead behind the door and he twists open the knob, catching you off guard. A fist was raised telling him that you were on the verge of knocking.

Then you were looking up and down, eyes finally settling on his pouting lips. Head thrown back you let out a laugh that sounded more like a snort. He felt annoyance crept up his spine immediately and turned his head away from you to hide his growing smile. Very funny.

‘Well, you got what you wanted,’ he said, deadpan, turning back to you with steeled eyes. ‘I’m taking them off.’ He moved to undo the buckles but you lurch forward and grabbed his hand, halting him.

‘Noooooo,’ you whined, cheeks rosy with joy. He kept the cold, unamused expression on his face but beneath that exterior he was completely delighted.

‘I can’t believe you’d spend so much money on something I’m not even gonna wear outside.’

You chuckled and slammed the door close with your foot, tugging him by the collars towards you. You’ve never seen a man look so cute.

‘Oh Kookie you always wear the same thing! Jeans, white shirts, jeans, white shirts, jeans and white shirts,’ you complained, pushing him back towards the bed until his knees hit the corner of the mattress and he fell backwards, the mattress dipping underneath his weight. He looked up at you with an even bigger pout, eyes wide as he peered at your face above the rim of his glasses.

‘I just had the sudden urge to see you in overalls. You’re not mad at me are you?’ You straddle him, thighs pressed on the sides of his legs, your breasts barely brushing his chest, your arms dangling off his shoulders. He shook his head, mesmerized at the sight.

‘Good.’ You lean forward, pecking him softly on the lips and pulled back. You smoothed his soft hair down the side, giggling lightly when that one stubborn strand bounces back on top of his eyebrows.

‘You know,’ you say, nostalgia lacing in your voice. ‘I’ve always wanted a bunny. And you…well, you kinda look like one.’

He raised a brow at you. ‘A bunny?’

You nodded, running your fingers in his scalp and tracing you finger down the bridge of his nose and across his cupid’s bow. The glimmer in your eyes was disappearing. ‘Yeah. A big, fluffy bunny with floppy ears and thumping feet.’

When you scratched him behind his ear, Jungkook thumped his foot rhythmically against the bed and you giggled, leaning forward to peck him on the lips again. ‘Yes, just like that.’

‘Why didn’t you get one then?’

You shrugged. ‘Circumstances, I suppose. My parents keep telling me I wasn’t responsible enough so I ended up studying about them all the time, even told them I wanted to major in rabbit studies.’

He laughed, the mole below his lip appearing, but his wide smile settled once your expression turned solemn. He bit his bottom lip, wondering how he was going to wipe that frown off your face.

‘We can go adopt one right now, noona. I can take care of it for you when you’re gone a-and I’ll study them too if you want me too.’

You smiled and shook your head again at him, your thumb running back and forth across his cheekbones. ‘I’d probably end up neglecting its needs. The city life is not for bunnies; they’ll be scared of all that noise and they won’t see a single patch of grass in this concrete jungle.’ You sighed. ‘They’ll be much happier with owners who can care for them in a big yard.’

You lay your head on his shoulder, breathing in his cologne. ‘It’s just a nice thought, you know? A soft, furry thing that fights for you attention and acts like a spoiled brat when you don’t give it to them. I’ve always thought they were the cutest things in the universe. Now that I’m old I think…wow, the life of a bunny is so sad. Their hearts are so fragile. They’ll want attention every second of the day and they’ll love you in return when you give it to them, but once you turn away, just for a second, they’ll cry.’ You pulled Jungkook’s head down to your chest, wrapping your arms around his head. You lay your cheek on his skull and kissed his scalp, running your fingers though the strands. ‘No matter how much you love someone, you’ll always find a way to hurt them just by existing. It is the most painful truth about life.’

Jungkook wrapped his arms around his waist, pulling you towards him even tighter. ‘Noona…’ He closed his eyes.

‘Kookie,’ you say, sniffling. ‘If I ever hurt you…please tell me,’ you smoothed his hair away his face, holding him steady against you, ‘don’t….don’t go to another woman. Please tell me so that I can tell you I’m sorry and that…that I won’t hurt you again.’

He shook his head repeatedly and you feel his tears stain your thin red chiffon blouse. ‘I won’t! I won’t ever do that to you.’ He growled. ‘Don’t cry, noona.’ He squeezed your waist, ‘I hate seeing you cry.’

You closed your eyes, taking deep steady breaths, petting Jungkook softly as you felt more tears stain through your blouse. Somehow today was harder to live through than other days. You tried hard to be strong, to be unfazed by such bleak days. This was adulthood. When you were a child it was easy to ask for a day to stay home from school so you can sulk all you want. But adulthood is nothing like that; you’re forced to face the day even when you can barely function. You must put on your face every morning and act like life treated you fairly when the people around you douse you in gasoline and hold a lit match behind you.

It was inevitable; people are hard to live with.

Maybe the nightmarish wedding night was nobody’s fault. Maybe you had hurt Namjoon along the way but you were too blind to see what it was doing to him, whatever it was that you did. Maybe Yori still loved you but you’d hurt her without knowing it and it made her rely on someone else for affection. Sadly, that someone turned out to be Namjoon. You know, deep down in your heart, that they were good people. Good people that made bad choices and left you with a wound that still bled. Some days Jungkook could patch that wound up tightly with his love, but other days, days like this, no amount of love can outdo the weight of disloyalty.

‘I’m sorry,’ you smiled, wiping your tears away with the back of your hand. ‘I didn’t mean to ruin our night like this.’

You felt him shake his head underneath your chin and although you gently pushed his head back to take a look at his face, he didn’t budge.

‘Kookie,’ you whisper, your fingers finding his earlobe. You rubbed the cold piece of flesh softly, knowing how much it pleased him. ‘Look at me. Please…’

He pulled his head away from your chest but kept it tilted down so that all you can see was the top of his head. You place both hands on his cheek and lifted his face, your lips parting as your eyes met his wide brown ones welled with fresh tears. His nose and lips were red and his flushed cheeks were damp.

‘Oh baby,’ you cooed, removing the glasses from his face and laying it on the nightstand. You press your thumbs just underneath his eyes and rubbed away the moisture. ‘I’ve made you cry, you poor thing…’

He shook his head, his hair fluffing, and he sniffled. He stayed silent, hiccupping slightly as he desperately pushed back tears. You leaned forward and gave another peck on his lips, letting your lips rest on his slightly longer than the previous kisses.

You sighed, ‘I feel lighter now.’ You smoothed his hair back again, appreciating the softness. ‘Thank you for listening to this old woman ramble.’

‘Noona,’ he hiccuped, swallowing tears back. ‘I’ll always be here for you.’ He smoothed his hands up your waist to just below your underarms, lifting you up slightly so you rested closer to his body. You wrap your arms around his neck, heart racing at his earnest expression. ‘I’ll be your bunny.’ I’ll be the man for you.

You smiled, tears falling from the corners and you squeezed him even tighter. ‘My big, big bunny.’ You giggled. ‘What would I do without you?’

He smiled at you and you giggled, both of you feeling shy and loved. The chirping of crickets outside cut through the melancholy peace that occupied the room just moments before. No longer heavy with tears, you stared at your boyfriend with a newfound appreciation and he reciprocated the look through his dark lashes.

‘You know,’ he scratched the back of his head and nibbled on his bottom lip, ‘I don’t know much about bunnies, I mean, not as much as a rabbit major.’ He chuckled and it made you laugh. ‘but I do know that in the wild when a male bunny and a female bunny bond,’ he traced his thumb along your knee, ‘they mate for life.’

A grin spread your lips. ‘Oh really?’ you tilt your head, letting your hair fall behind you to reveal a patch of skin above your collar. ‘Why don’t you show me, bunny, how they do it in the wild.’

He blinked, exhaling slowly, eyes focused on your skin. ‘As you wish.’

Leaning forward he pressed his lips against your warm neck, tongue pushing through his lips to taste the saltiness. With one hand reaching to the nightstand, he dipped his fingers beneath the lamp and switched off the lights with a flick of a wrist.

Neither of you got much sleep that night.

And it seems, Jungkook thought, holding the bottle of absinthe up to his lips, neither of you will get much sleep tonight also. The clock was ticking towards midnight. You were supposed to be home three hours ago. There were no calls from you, not even a text message. He called, once every half hour, and it was the same ‘we’re sorry but the call cannot be reached’ message all over again. Why did you turn off your phone? Why?

He swallowed a large gulp of alcohol, eyes squeezed shut as the bitter liquid burned sliding down his esophagus. He looked up at the kitchen counter, at the dinner he made, gone cold. The pasta hardened at room temperature and he could no longer smell the scent of the tomato sauce he worked so hard on just mere hours ago. He could feel tears well up behind his eyelids and a harsh sob escaped his mouth. This wasn’t how he imagined today would be. From finding out about that man, to you not even bothering to call him once during the entire day, and now three hours late. Three whole hours. How can writing a few documents take so long?

A horrified thought pierced through his brain and he groaned, rubbing his temples, pushing it out. Get out, get out, get out! He rubbed his forehead against the fridge, curling his body around the bottle.

What if you weren’t even working? What if you’d decided, on a whim, that he was too immature for you, too young to please you. This Seokjin person would lure you into his office and say how your sweet and innocent boyfriend is not man enough for you. Why settle for the bunny when you can enjoy the big bad wolf? By now your workplace would be empty and it would be perfect for him to trail his hand up your thigh and up your blouse. Jungkook groaned, feeling violently ill at the thought of your new assistant’s hands touching in places only he was allowed to touch. You’re neglecting him, he thought, your bunny.

And just when he was about to take a final swig of the bottle, a beep rang through the apartment followed by the sound of heels against parquet. He perked up immediately, rubbing his face and hair, not wanting you to see what a mess he’s made you in just a full work day but it was useless. He looked like a mess.

“Kookie?” you called out, glancing back and forth between the bright hallway and the living room. The lights were all turned on, even the small lamps on each side of the couch. “I’m sorry I was late, I didn’t know that Seokjin also deleted my-“

You stopped walking, eyes landing on the figure curled on the floor. You hadn’t seen him when you walked in, his body covered by the large marble counter. And now you almost wish you didn’t. Mouth falling open, you stared.

He looked ill, physically ill. His face was pale white and only his eyes, nose, and lips were tinted red. His hair resembled a bird’s nest on top of his head and his entire body was curled like a shrimp, scrunched tight. If he hadn’t looked so much like a bunny before, he did now. A very, very scared bunny.

“Kookie,” you sighed, slipping out of yours heels, inching closer to him. “What’s…going on?”

His eyes flew to your worried expression and then down to the phone clasped in your hand.

“You didn’t answer my calls” he groaned, sitting up rubbing his face with the sleeves of his alcohol-stained shirt. “I thought…something happened.”

You knelt, watching him as his eyes followed you. “I dropped it at work and I couldn’t turn it on again.” You turn the screen towards him and his eyes traced over the cracks on the phone. You weren’t lying to him.

His eyes were fixed on the screen, exhaling in relief.

It wasn’t because of Seokjin.

Jungkook didn’t realize how exhausted he was until you reached for him halfway and caught his weak body in your arms, your hand immediately clasping over his forehead. He was breaking out in a cold sweat. The weight of his lethal thoughts drooped and he felt himself shake with laughter, slapping himself in the knee. Confused and worried, you held him, held him until his empty laughter died down into harsh coughs.

“Why are you drinking so much, Kookie? What were you thinking?” You scolded, rubbing his sweaty temples as you pulled him to your chest, his body resting between your legs, your back against the humming fridge.

“I thought,” he murmured, settling his head against your chest. “you were gone.”

You shook your head. “Of course not. I don’t know why you’d think that.”

He licked his lips. “You didn’t call,” he grunted, chest squeezing in pain, alcohol burning in his stomach. “And you were with him…for three hours.” He shook his head free of the thoughts. “I thought he’d taken advantage of you.”

Your heart melted. “Kookie,” you smoothed his sweat-soaked hair back, “I promise you nothing is going to happen. I’ve worked with him before and he’s a very nice person; he won’t lay a finger on me. Oh baby,” you cooed, resting your cheek on his head. “I can’t believe you’d drink yourself sick over this.”

“Noona,” he squirmed, pressing himself harder into you. “hold me.”

You secured your arms around him, letting his head rest on your chest while he quietly cried the pain away, his bottom lip breaking as he dug his teeth into it to keep silent. With one hand over his heartbeat and the other clasped over his eyes as if to shield him from the horrors of the world, you held him. Your bunny, who was terrified in this small apartment, surrounded by the concrete jungle. Your bunny, who thought he had lost his mate. Your bunny who was one mouthful of absinthe away from unconsciousness.

You rest your chin on his head, careful not to put too much pressure. “Sleep, baby,” you whispered, closing your eyes also, exhaustion evident in your eyes. “Sleep.”

Dinner was not touched that night. The city outside seem to understand your situation and lowered its volume. Your cell phone lay on the floor, beside Jungkook’s bottle, broken beyond repair.

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