#mental health talk from a mentally ill person

[aguzsstuff]

Hannibal's ocd headcanons!

cw: very basic talk about mental health and ocd, can be triggering so be aware.

Three people said I should share my headcanons so here I am, first of all what's ocd? OCD is the acronym for Obsessive Compulsive Disorder, a mental disorder that affects daily life making the person have intrusive thoughts that distress them and lead to compulsive behavior like the ones I'll be talking now.

Why do I headcanon that Hannibal has OCD?

through the series Hannibal shows a lot of subtle ticks, changes of behaviors, change of tones, subtle facial expressions that really made me realize that he has a lot of moments where their thoughts seem to fight his actions, something I feel a lot when I'm on a bad day, and I have a great amount of ocd symptoms (another undiagnosed thing, thanks argentinian healthcare) and so I made headcanons about it I won't extend to much on this.

What kind of OCD could distress Hannibal Lecter?

I know I know, a cannibalistic serial killer seen to be feeding his intrusive thoughts, but I don't think so, Hannibal's ocd has nothing to do with killing, hurting, made anything unmoral, Hannibal's OCD lays on dirtiness and rudeness.

Hannibal hates rude people, he hated rudeness as a whole and same thing with dirtiness, but not necessarily as something that's inherently bad, but something that he could never be and disgusts him profoundly.

What kind of intrusive thoughts does he have?

I've been thinking on a few and his consecuences.

Screaming in the middle of a lecture with other professionals, it distressed him to the point he stopped going.

Talking too loud or aggressive to someone else, he never ever raised his voice and sometimes even talked in whispers.

Yawning in the Opera, he ends up with his hand bleeding because he pinch himself from time to time to avoid it.

Forgetting his plastic suit, he can't even remember how many times he looked at himself, he knows he's wearing it, it can be so frustrating that he sometimes had to walk back and make sure of it twice plus times.

Being rude himself, sometimes his brain will scream insults and curses and he would go purposefully mute to avoid saying those words out loud.

Accidentally throwing garbage out of the trashcan, he has to make sure a lot even when he knows he did throw it in place.

What about Will rudeness?

I think Hannibal found Will's rudeness endearing because he was pretty not gonna lie, still there's moments when he seems about to correct him, but he doesn't, because for him correcting an adult man on his manner would show rudeness on his part.

Thank you for reading !

I'm one of those people who like to think a lot and I can't help but spiraling on some headcanons, maybe this could gave you all some fanfics ideas too.

[kindnessoverperfection]

Please, if you can, take a moment to read and share this because I feel like I'm screaming underwater.

NPD (Narcissistic Personality Disorder) stigma is rampant right now, and seems to be getting progressively worse. Everyone is using it as a buzzword in the worst ways possible, spreading misinformation and hatred against a real disorder.

I could go on a long time about how this happened, why it's factually incorrect (and what the disorder actually IS), why it's harmful, and the changes I'd like to see. But to keep this concise, I'll simply link to a few posts under the cut for further reading.

The point of this post is a plea. Please help stop the spread of stigma. Even in mental health communities, even around others with personality disorders, in neurodivergent "safe" spaces, other communities I thought people would be supportive in (e.g. trans support groups, progressive spaces in general), it keeps coming up. So I'm willing to bet that a lot of people on this site need to see this.

Because it's so hard to exist in this world.

My disorder already makes me feel as if I'm worthless and unlovable, like there's something inherently wrong and damaged about me. And it's so much harder to fight that and heal when my daily life consists of:

Laughing and spending time with my friends, doing my utmost best to connect and stay present and focused on them, trying to let my guards down and be real and believe I'm lovable- when suddenly they throw out the word "narcissist" to describe horrible people or someone they hate, or the conversation turns to how evil "people with narcissistic personality disorder" are. (Seriously, you don't know which of your friends might have NPD and feels like shit when you say those things & now knows that you'd hate them if you knew.)

Trying to look up "mental health positivity for people with npd", "mental health positivity cluster bs", only to find a) none of that, and b) more of the same old vile shit that makes me feel terrible about myself.

Having a hard time (which is constant at this point) and trying to look up resources for myself, only to again, find the same stigma. And no resources.

Not having any clue how to help myself, because even the mental health field is spitting so much vitriol at people with DISORDERS (who they're supposed to be helping!) that there's no solid research or therapy programs for people like me.

Losing close friends when they find out, despite us having had a good relationship before, and them KNOWING me and knowing that I'm not like the trending image of pwNPD. Because now they only see me through the lens of stigma and misinformation.

Hearing the same stigma come up literally wherever I go. Clubs. Meetings. Any online space. At the bus stop. At the mall. At a restaurant. At work. Buzzword of the year that everyone loooves loudly throwing around with their friends or over the phone. Feels awesome for me, makes my day so much better/s

I could go on for a long time, but I'm scared no one will read/rb this if it gets too much longer.

So please. Stop using the word "narcissist" as a synonym for "abusive".

Stop bringing up people you hate who you believe to have NPD because of a stigmatizing article full of misinformation whenever someone with actual NPD opens their mouth. (Imagine if people did that with any other disorder! "Hey, I'm autistic." "Oh... my old roommate screamed at me whenever I made noise around him, and didn't understand my needs, which seems like sensory overload and difficulty with social cues. He was definitely autistic. But as long as you're self-aware and always restraining your innate desire to be an abusive asshole, you're okay I guess, maybe." ...See how offensive and ignorant that is?)

Stop preventing healthcare for people with a disorder just because it's trendy to use us as a scapegoat.

If you got this far, thank you for reading, and please share this if you can. Further reading is under the cut.

NPD Criteria, re-written by someone who actually has NPD

Stigma in the DSM

Common perception of the DSM criteria vs how someone may actually experience them (Keep in mind that this is the way I personally experience these symptoms, and that presentation can vary a lot between individuals)

"Idk, the stigma is right though, because I've known a lot of people with NPD who are jerks, so I'm going to continue to support the blockage of treatment for this condition."

(All of these were written by me, because I didn't want to link to other folks' posts without permission, but if you want to add your own links in reblogs or replies please feel free <3)

[uncanny-tranny]

Choosing not to recover is, frankly, a non-action and something neutral. While you can absolutely abuse people, choosing not to recover is not in and of itself an act of abuse, and sometimes it seems like people think that not recovering holds the same weight as abuse. While things like abuse are nuanced and dynamic, recovery is not a respite that prevents abuse from happening.

[bijoumikhawal]

a lot of the talk about Bushnell is reminding me of my "the "mentally ill" have their right to violence revoked" thing again

like. When you're deemed mentally ill, suddenly you must stress how you are more likely to be a victim of violence than a perpetrator to be deemed as human. Because any violence you commit, as a crazy person, is bad. It cannot carry rationale, because you are crazy. If I, as an autistic person, hit someone who was hurting me and got in legal trouble, I can be referred to as just "crazy" instead of as a victim responding to an aggressor. It's an underdiscussed area of dehumanization.

And that's before we talk about intersectionality, and before we talk about how this factors into the idea of ODD, and the "violent" responses patients have to doctors (including those who simply aren't white, and those forced on meds that hurt them, and those resisting sexual assault, and-).

But this is not just interpersonally political, it is political at scale. Black men were targeted by schizophrenia diagnoses during the Civil Rights era (and this is also around when schizophrenia became a "scary" illness). The crazy cannot have valid political criticisms, as a movement (remember that being "crazy" is a vector of oppression abd marginalization) or as individuals in other movements.

Ive seen both the sentiment of "oh Aaron is gonna be slandered as crazy" and exactly what the sentiment warns of- "we can't valorize suicide from the mentally ill". And the first isn't wrong, because society at large does view the "crazy" as lacking political agency, but it's lacking.

Bushnell had been trying very hard to get out of his military contract without being imprisoned at best, while witnessing genocide and knowing he was complicit. He may not have had clinical depression normally, but that would inspire a mental rational response of situational depression (and yes, mental health issues can be a rational response to horrible circumstances). Further, I know of instances of self immolation that WERE done by people who did have long standing mental health issues and were done to protest the treatment they'd experienced that caused them and that resulted from their existence. Mental illness and divergence from the norm is more complicated than just "these people are incapable of rationality, they are incapable of political thought, and they are incapable of agency".

[drowsystarlight]

I swear this is a comic about black cats

[seariii]

Hum...

[romance-incubomp3]

like if therapy and meds help you that’s so cool but it drives me insane how people treat those as some magical cure all that EVERYONE needs to seek out even though the psych industry is fucked and biased and not affordable and if trying to find a good therapist or find the right meds is doing nothing but causing you even more stress and anxiety even after you’ve been trying to get help for years than maybe it’s not worth it at that point

[zarovich]

recovery is so hard. honestly im not sure if i will ever fully recover but by god, i have to try huh

[iloveyouitisruiningmylife]

isn't this the song for the tags on that post. i haven't heard billie in so long i love her music so much

[mrfoox]

I'll probably never know if I actually don't want kids or if I'm just too scared about passing on bad genes and have them suffer and that's sad

[drewsaturday]

love love love yellowjackets but sometimes they're on thinner ice than javi with their mental health representation

[theodore-lasso]

.

[arlotheghostlyfrog]

Goes to psychiatrist

Nobody listens to actual problems and instead ask if i had SEXUAL ATTRACTION TO MY MINOR EX BEST FRIEND(SHE LITERALLY SAID "So what if he's 15-16 and you're 20. " WOMAN-)

Gets screamed at by a psychologist

Gets even more irritated, angry, sad and due to "why even talk if nobody is fking listening to me" did not speak for almost all day

[wrdn-tabris]

.

[celebiii]

Grahhhh

[sanchos]

think im finally gonna actually talk to my therapist🩷