#mentioning summer storm again: it actually has a relatively happy ending. feels good that i dont need to be reminded of how gay people are

[townslore]

discovery of the day

[writersrealmbts]

Pack Trials: Seokjin

Description: This wasn’t the way things should work. Are you in charge, or are you a tool? Will you actually find someone through these trials?

Warnings: Mentions of death

There are other groups in this, but this is a BTS part of the fic.

Introduction Here!

Posted: 08/05/2020

Tags: Hybrid AU, Hybrid!BTS, Hybrid!Reader, Readers Choice, Hybrid!Got7, Hybrid Everybody and their Mother, ReaderxSeokjin

Angsty/Fluffy/SFW:  7,160 words

A/N: Feels like I haven’t posted anything in months. (nothing like hitting post when you’re just trying to save a draft)

You groaned in frustration since screaming in frustration definitely wasn’t an option. That would draw far too much attention. The letters had barely cut into the number of men vying for you. If you were especially harsh with your judgment, you might be able to cut the group in half, but that would involve rereading all of the letters, and it had already taken you a whole day to read through them all once.

Plus you had to have the next trial ready to go the moment you ended this one.

You would have to be mean about the next trial. You would have to make them sing. Music was so important and you honestly didn’t think you could spend your life with someone who couldn’t at least carry a tune by your side. Sometimes music was all the packs had to get them through the harshest of winter storms without getting defeated.

You made your decisions, decided the next trial would be a musical competition—singing or instrumentation, or both if they are so gifted—and headed out after a nice nap. You paused near an encampment, realizing most everyone was sitting for a meal and made like you were just taking a quick, brisk walk around before going back to your tent and looking through your supplies to find something to eat.

“Hey.”

You jumped and turned to see Seokjin smiling at you from just inside your tent, out of sight from passers-by and holding a plate of something that smelled fantastic.

You smiled. “Strange place for you to eat your lunch.”

His smile turned into a grin that made his nose wrinkle a bit. “Just take it, y/n.”

“Thanks. I never stored some of the supplies gathered for that trial. I was too busy.”

“I noticed. I’ll spread a rumor about you needing supplies to the other suitors. You’ll have to turn gifts away.”

“Well, I do plan to spend some meals with the different groups of suitors. A sort of long-term trial, I guess you could call it.”

“The letters help?”

“Not particularly, but they cut down some of the suitors. And maybe don’t spread the rumor. I can trade for supplies. I still have goods that my father and I prepared.” You ran a hand through your hair. “So, how ridiculous did I look?”

“Not many people noticed you. We only did because we were talking about you. Worrying about you. We hadn’t seen you cooking and Jimin said your light had still been on late into the night.” He gestured for you to close your tent securely. “If anyone asks, I came to check on you because I heard something fall.”

You nodded, complying easily with his silent order.

“Are you okay?” He asked more quietly. “It’s been a pretty long week.”

You took a deep breath, letting it out again. “I suppose it could be worse.”

He arched an eyebrow. “Your father was murdered after disbanding your pack. You’re forced into choosing a mate before you’ve even been able to mourn. You give up sleep in order to comply to wishes that weren’t your own to begin with. They were your father’s. Don’t look so surprised. I was there, remember? I saw your face, your reaction to what your father said. Your world was torn apart, and yet you stand there acting as if you’re okay. Like it’s okay.”

“It is.”

“Y/n.”

“It is.”

“No, it’s not,” He whispered harshly. “Stop saying that it is!”

“It is! It is because it has to be!” You shook your head, turning away from him, your eyes burning. Your exclamation was met with silence.

His arms wrapped gently around your shoulders and neck, his head resting against the side of yours.

You pushed back a sob.

He hummed softly, pulling you back tightly against his chest. “I’ve got you.”

You shuddered with a sob, jerking your shoulder down so his grip would loosen and you could turn into his chest.

He helped you turn, tucking you to his chest and continuing to hum softly. “You’ve been so strong, just let go for a little while. I’ll keep you safe and no one will ever know. Lean on me, y/n.”

You clutched at his shirt, sobbing and shoving against him a little.

He just held you tighter, hummed a little louder.

You fell apart in his arms, everything crashing down on you while he held the pieces of you together. You muffled your sobs in his chest, hitting him now again as anger and frustration would flare up on top of everything else, and then drooping again as everything else overwhelmed that anger.

He held you the whole time, tightening and loosening as he needed, humming continually. When you calmed to hiccuping sobs, he kissed your forehead and guided you into sitting on your bed. “Eat this, then sleep. I want our medic to check on you.” He rubbed your neck in a way that made you sort of melt into his hold until he laid you back. “Or lay down now. I’ll bring you food when you wake up later, but try not to sleep until you get checked.”

“Why do I need to be checked?” You pouted.

“Because you look ill. None of us want you to be sick. Just get comfortable, okay?” He covered you up carefully, helping you shift the pillows so you were laying more comfortably. “I’ll be back shortly with the medic.”

You nodded, closing your eyes and focusing on the way his hand on your forehead was nice and cool.

“I’ll be right back,” He promised softly, then his hand was gone.

Your eyes snapped open, watching his back disappear through the flaps of your tent. You could hear a little commotion as he stepped out, and his voice as he called to someone, saying that you were unwell, which caused more voices to start talking.

He slipped back in with a medic just behind him. “I think it’s exhaustion.”

The medic, an older woman from the scouts, nodded and came to your bedside, checking your temperature momentarily and then your pulse. “Any aches or pains.”

“A minor headache,” You whispered.

Her sharp eyes studied your face for a moment before nodding. She gave you some herbs to eat, then sent Seokjin away to make an herbal tea and to see if anyone had some soup you could eat.

Once he was gone she sighed a little. “How are you sleeping?”

“I don’t know that I am,” you whispered back.

“Didn’t think you were. Seokjin isn’t going to like this, none of them are, but you know as well as I do that the trials cannot be delayed.” She held your hand gently, looking sad.

“My father is no longer here to keep the peace. Without him, everything rests precariously and the peace could be easily broken. I have to wrap these trials up within the week…but I don’t know how…” You trailed off as tears choked you.

She pulled you up into her arms so you were crying on her shoulder, releasing a calming scent. “When you were small, we always watched you, knowing you would grow up to be strong. You are so much like your mother. She was the defacto leader during the summers. Even the senior warriors charged with protecting us, from both packs, would defer to her judgment. Your father was able to bring about times of peace because of her. Did you know she chose him through the pack trials?”

You shook your head.

“She was an orphan, found by the packs during one of the trials. She was raised to a certain age in each of the packs, and given the choice of what pack to train in when she was old enough. She chose Jay pack, but everyone knew that she wouldn’t fight. She wouldn’t stay in one place. She became a trader, traveling through the packs with ease and familiarity. She was loved in all of the packs, and when she was old enough, she approached the leader and asked to hold the trials for her mate. She had all of the single men vying for her hand. Even Star Pack came and they rarely venture this far. She chose your father, because he made her relax despite the stress of the trials on her shoulders. She chose him because he spoke of peace among all the packs and free trade, which was not something that occurred then outside of your mother’s work. The packs would have an uneasy truce for things such as the trials, and after mates were chosen, there would always be a fight to see which pack the couple went to. Your mother was the first to leave her pack peacefully.”

“Really?”  

“Mmhmm, we were all astonished when she just walked right up to him, looked him up and down and turned the the pack leaders and said, “I choose him. I’ll be going with the Arrow pack.” And then she took his hand and walked right out of there. She knew when she had the right one beside her, and you will too.” She smoothed your hair then lay you back down. “You just need to rest and clear your mind.”

The tent rustled as Jin came back in with the tea and a bowl on a tray. “Is she sick?”

“Just tired, as you said. Help her sit up, make sure she eats and drinks that, then let her sleep. I’ll check back a little later.” She patted your hand before getting up and heading out of the tent.

Jin set the tray on the table, then helped prop you up. He started feeding you, even though you mildly protested that you could feed yourself. “Stop fighting me, let me take care of you for now. You know you’re going to have to take care of yourself soon enough. Let me get you stronger first.”

You couldn’t really fight him. He was stronger.

“I wish your father hadn’t allowed all the packs to participate,” Jin whispered. “We all know you’ll be safe and at least relatively happy in Scout or Jay Pack. But can you even name someone from Stem pack that you’re completely comfortable around? Or Jellyfish pack? Don’t get me wrong, they’re nice guys. Truly. And they also want what’s best for you. The suitors all talk about you, and wanting you safe and comfortable with your choices, you know. But can you name one person that you’re comfortable around from either pack?”

“Mark from Stem. He’s nice, and we’ve talked before since he’s a messenger. And N is kind too, for what little I’ve interacted with him.” You sighed, looking down at your hands. “They’ve all been nice. Especially the group that’s still in the competition.”

He set aside the empty bowl. “Do you know what you’re going to do for the next trial?”

“No.” You closed your eyes. “Can we talk about something else?”

“We’ve been making houses out of the wagons we pull. With beds and kitchens. Namjoon was going to talk to your father, see if he wanted some for his people. Now he and JY are negotiating instead.”

“Really?”

He nodded. “Yoongi has one, and Jimin and Hoseok share one, and Taehyung has his. Namjoon usually stays with Taehyung, and Jungkook sort of floats around. They’re making me one, but they didn’t even let me participate in the planning of it. Apparently, it’s supposed to be a surprise. I don’t know what the big secret is. It’s not like it’s going to be much to see. Maybe a slightly bigger kitchen area than the ones before since I cook for our circle.”

“Because of the shortage of women?”

“That and we were a sub-pack before. One of the only sub-packs. Everyone in the pack is fine with us still sort of being our own sub-pack still because it’s in support of Namjoon, and it’s been helping our entire pack function really well. We’ve got young blood to train soon, but we’re not quite there. We’re growing stronger. Namjoon only brought part of our pack, a lot of our elders, and senior warriors stayed back for farming and such.” He moved to your chair after making sure you were all covered up and laying down again. He fingered the stitching on the quilt you had folded up, your project. “There are still problems, there always will be. But as long as I keep the boys from overworking themselves, everything should work out for the best.”

“And who will keep you from overworking yourself?” You asked, curling to the side to look at him more easily.

He just gave you a smile. “Who says I’m overworking myself?”

“I would say Jimin since I’ve seen him helping you when your neck hurts. Or back.”

He stared at you for a few second, then smiled again. “Have you been sneaking around camp?”

“I did during the hunting trial. Not often, but some nights. When I was feeling restless.”

He hummed thoughtfully, but then he just kept humming songs that served to lull you a little into dozing despite not wanting to lose the moment.

You wanted to keep talking with him. It felt so nice after basically being isolated, but you were so comfortable with him that it was quickly become impossible for you to stay awake.

When you did wake, it was because a medic from Jay pack was gentle waking you as she checked on you.

“I apologize, but it’s time to wake up.”

You blinked a few times, forcing your eyes open. “Yes. Of course. I’ll…be ready in a few moments.” Your voice sounded terrible to your own ears.

She paused a moment, then seemed to understand there was nothing she could do at the moment to help. “There’s some breakfast on your table, try to eat something before you come out,” She said kindly, then left you.

You pushed up, feeling as though you were well-rested while also feeling weaker than before. Your heart experiencing the same sort of conflict.

Everyone was waiting for you by the time you finished dressing and eating some of the food that was brought to you.

You dipped your head to the pack leaders, then took your seat.

“Y/n?” JY asked quietly.

“Sing. Anyone that moves me moves on,” You told him, voice feeling hoarse. “Special consideration for the first ten performers.”

“Are you ill?” He asked, sounding mildly alarmed.

“I’ll be fine. Please announce the trial,” You answered, trying to speak as evenly as possible with as little hoarseness as possible. “Quickly.”

“Right. Next Trial! You are to sing! Anyone who can move her, will continue to the next trial and the first ten performers will be given special consideration for their quick thinking and willingness to step up to the plate. Ten minutes to get instruments!”

For a moment, everyone looked frozen, then they went racing off to get instruments so that they wouldn’t have to sing acappella.

Jungkook and Yoongi had run to get the instruments for the Scouts, the rest all huddled together and talking song strategy—probably for those that weren’t exactly vocally gifted.

“A bold move, my lady,” Stem commented, sounding amused at the very least.

You nodded to him, not trusting your voice.

“Tea, my lady?” A girl from Jellyfish asked, approaching the dais with a tray of tea and snacks.

You nodded, gesturing for her to approach.

She set it on the table. “There you are, my lady. Some nice peppermint tea.” Then she showed you another bowl. “Also, some freshly harvested honey if you wish to sweeten your tea, and some lemon candies.”

“Thank you,” You said after taking a sip of the tea. You had a sneaking suspicion that some of the medical women from the different packs had gotten together to send this up without raising the suspicion of the pack leaders. Honey was a treat and no one would even think twice if you were to just eat straight-up honey when offered it.

You waited a while, noticing that someone was getting ready to perform.

Some of the performances were really good, others were…valiant efforts.

Namjoon sang so terribly, obviously knowing he wouldn’t get points for being on key and made the whole thing so funny that you marked him as through just for making you laugh despite how painful your throat was getting.

So after his, you were definitely treating yourself to some honey.

But you had to make an important distinction between the good performances and the ones that you felt in your bones.

Your boys from the scouts sang some songs that were so familiar to you that they were like old friends.

Taehyung sang your favorite song from your childhood.

Jin sang a song with Jimin that you were used to hearing your father sing.

A song your father used to sing with your mother. In it’s best form, it was a song that two lovers sang together, but the boys made it work and you were dangerously close to crying. Only your will keeping the tears from falling.

Many others sang equally well, some songs you hadn’t heard before but were quite willing to add to your memories to repeat one day.

But the duet was the one that stuck with you as you wrote down your final decisions and left while JY announced it to go make yourself some lunch. You weren’t certain what you would make for lunch but—

A pot of soup was boiling on your personal stove and a young girl from Jay pack bowed to you before scurrying off.

You quickly moved into your tent to savor the soup and brainstorm the next idea. Archery? That could work. Or completely backfire.

You ate as fast as you could and then hurried back to the arena, surveying it for ideas. Archery and then what?

“Singing, really?” Hoseok asked, a laugh in his voice.

You jumped and turned toward him, then quickly looked around to make sure he was the only one around. “First thing that came to mind.”

His smile disappeared. “You are sick. Hyung said he thought you might be—”

“I am not sick, I simply have a sore throat. It can be caused by any number of things. Now, what is your purpose in coming here.”

He studied you for a moment. “Hyung told me to check on you. He didn’t want you to get sick of him pestering you, I think.”

You sighed and rubbed your head. “Sorry, I’m just…I’m trying to think. Tell him I ate a full meal and I’m fine.”

“Okay.” He still sounded worried, but he left you alone after patting your shoulder in what you supposed to be a comforting gesture.

You stood there, trying to calm down after, trying to turn your attention back to the trials.

You wished you were back in bed, listening to Seokjin humming songs or talking to you.

A banner caught your eye.

“My lady? JY has sent me to assist you?”

You turned to Seungmin. “Get me a sheet and something to write on it with, as well as pen and paper, then spread the word that the next trial will be archery, followed by a trial where they will need pen and paper.”

He quickly bowed and dashed off to do as you told him.

You ran over a few questions in your head, possibilities for your test.

He returned with some of the other Jay pack boys that weren’t part of the trial to help carry the things you had asked for. “Anything else we can help with, my lady?”

“I’ll need this kept out of sight until it’s time for the trial, and someone to bring it out when it is time. However,” You paused to swallow hard, your throat getting scratchy again. “Right now I need you to go take this inquiry to JY.” You handed him a quickly scratched out note.

Another one took it and ran off after bowing.

You spread the sheet out on the dais, smiling as the boys quickly found rocks to pin it down for you. Then you painted on it, carefully, making sure everything was readable and clear.

You surveyed your work, smiling a little. “What do you boys think?”

“Milady is a skilled huntress,” Seungmin said simply, rereading it.

You nodded. “Alright, could you boys carefully move it out of sight?”

The boy who had run off when your message to JY ran back in with the rest of the Stray subpack that wasn’t part of the trial. “He said you have full permission!”

“Excellent, then you can take this to the meeting tent. And if you would, gather tables and chairs?”

Felix bowed quickly, grinning. “Yes, miss!”

They rushed off.

You sat down in your chair to quickly write down every question you could think of. Then you set it aside, sitting properly and waiting.

Slowly people trickled back in, speaking in hushed tones as they glanced your way.

The pack leaders stepped onto the dais, dipping their heads to you.

All of the contestants had their bows.

As expected, it didn’t really help. Most pack members knew how to shoot a bow out of necessity, so you only managed to cull a few from the herd.

You stood as JY announced who had been cut from the trials.

JY glanced at you to confirm that you wanted to continue with your plan.

You nodded, walking toward the stairs.

“The next trial will be conducted in the meeting tent, all participants in the trial should report there as soon as possible with the tools for writing.”

An immediate reaction was heard, gasps and whispers of disbelief, followed by contentious murmuring.

You smiled to yourself for a moment as you walked toward the Meeting tent, then quickly schooled your expression.

“Surely the pack leaders will be allowed to oversee,” Stem asked, mostly catching up.

“Surely not,” You replied, turning to face them. “And if you insist on doing so, I will enforce the rules of the trials. Did you know that a pack leader who tries to force something on the one holding the trials automatically forfeits his rights to leadership?”

He let out a choked sound of disbelief.

“It’s in the charter,” You added with the sweetest smile you could muster. “Now please, go relax with the rest of your pack. If this goes as I plan, then there shouldn’t be many trials after this one. Then we can all be on our way, back to our own territories to continue on with life. Don’t make it harder for me to choose someone from your pack by making it undesirable for me to answer to you.”

Jellyfish sputtered with laughter before he could help himself, earning a glare from Stem.

You raised your chin slightly. “I’ll take your silence as acquiescence.” You pivoted and strode away, heart racing. You just openly defied a pack leader.

Your suitors filed into the tent quickly, just a short while after you entered yourself, most stopping to stare at the words you’d painted onto the sheet.

Hoseok smiled, meeting your gaze and his grin widening.

You figured that meant he forgave you for snapping at him.

The men finally finished sitting down, pulling out papers and writing utensils.

“To begin, I will read off the questions you will answer. If you would be so kind as to write them down so I need not repeat myself all through the day, I would appreciate it.” You sat down, unfolding the page. “Question One—”

——

You finished grading the last one, setting it aside with the others.

Obviously they’d been careful with their answers, but some of them had been a little too…flamboyant.

The first question was find out what they thought your position in the pack would be should you choose them for a mate.

Your least favorite was someone who basically outlined a life of having pups and serving him. He didn’t word it that way, but that’s what you gleaned from it.

The rest of the questions were along similar lines, how they saw you, how they would react to you in various states.

Like question five, it asked what they thought would cheer you up if you were sad. Your least favorite answer for that one was “bring you the moon and stars”. You got the gist of what he wanted to say, but it was his fourth non-answer answer. The least effective answer someone gave was “bring you candy”. While you liked candy, you were not a child and candy was not enough to cheer you up.

You’d been vicious with your grading though, and you were almost certain that there would be backlash on this trial.

You finished your honey-tea and walked briskly to the arena, hearing panicked calls that you were headed that way. Well, at least you had everyone on edge. That might keep them from lashing out right away.

Or it might make them lash out more.

You might start a riot.

You definitely didn’t want to start a riot. A riot would lead to fighting, fighting would lead to a battle, a battle would lead to a war. A war wouldn’t solve anything, just bring more chaos and destruction.

You didn’t remember the stakes being this high for previous pack trials.

Then again, you didn’t remember ever seeing as many suitors as you had participating in the trials. Normally there were ten to fifteen suitors.

You were just now paring it down to that amount.

“Y/n,” JY called, then caught up with you. “A word before we go into this?”

You frowned slightly, but nodded, letting him pull you aside to an area where anyone could see the two of you speaking, but you would be able to tell if anyone was close enough to hear.

He glanced around once more, then met your gaze, not domineering, but concerned. “There’s been word…whispers, really, of going against your wishes. Now, the suitors and the former suitors don’t seem to have any knowledge of such a thing or any inclination to do so, but where there are whispers—”

“There’s a breath of truth. I understand.”

“There’s more.”

You felt your heart sink. “More?”

“Something I should have told you. There’s been a lot of unrest before these trials, skirmishes on borders and the like. Your father…he was worried before that the treaty wouldn’t hold any longer. And with the Arrow pack land now open the other packs might think to use this as an opportunity to push the Jay or Scout packs into the land vacated to expand their own hunting grounds.” He looked at the ground. “The trials were a bid to buy the Jay pack and the Scout pack time to fortify our defenses, if you had agreed. If you didn’t agree, we would have used the uneasy truce of the gathering to fortify our borders. Your father would have deferred into one of our packs, allowing you to join whatever pack you wished.”

“What role did the Scouts play in this plan?”

“Namjoon was aware, but reluctant about your role in the plan. His second hand…or his third hand? I can’t keep track of their hierarchy, anyway, he objected politely but fervently.”

“Yoongi?”

“No, the other one from his subpack, uh, Seokjin?”

You frowned. “They didn’t know until the day I agreed?”

“They knew we were going to try and buy time for our packs to strengthen, but not your part in it.” He looked a little nervous.

Maybe he could tell that some small part of you wanted to rip his throat out right then and there.

“I am not a pawn on your chess-board of warfare,” You said, your voice surprisingly calm, with only a slight bite to the word “pawn”.

“No, you are no pawn. You are a king, if you are lost, so is everything else,” He answered, voice urgent.

“You are wrong,” A soft voice said.

Both of you flinched, turning toward the intruder.

Jin looked between you, then settled on you. “You’re drawing a crowd.” He tilted his head toward where people were watching from a distance, uncertain whether they should continue to the arena or stay and watch.

You let out a huff, then started walking. “We were done here anyway.”

“Y/n—”

“No,” You snapped at JY, whipping around to face him. “No, you gave up the right to use my name when you decided to use me in your scheme. Do you understand the torment I put myself through for this? I lost my father, and it is only now that you tell me the stakes? I have grown weary of your games and deceit. Do not believe me ignorant of your own self-interest in this game of suitors.”

JY looked surprisingly ashamed.

“Y/n,” Seokjin said softly. “Not here.”

You glared for another moment at JY. “I’ll let you come up with a cover story for this spat.” Then you turned and strode toward the arena. You spotted one of the Scout boys that you had spoken to before, Yeonjun, and flicked your fingers to beckon him.

He hurried over.

“I need your voice. Think you can announce things for me?”

He blinked in surprise, then nodded. “Yes, my lady. Is everything alright?”

“Just a bit of a sore throat.” You led the way onto the dais, sitting down and handing him the list, but gesturing for him to wait.

JY came in with the other observing leaders, sitting in the seats behind you.

The suitors lined up in front of you.

You waited until everyone seemed to have quieted, then gestured to Yeonjun.

He stepped forward. “When your name is called, please step forward. If your name is not called, you have not advanced to the next round.”

There was surprise on the faces of some that made it through, and on some of the faces that did not make it through.

But your gaze kept falling back to one person.

“My lady, the next trial?” Yeonjun asked in a whisper.

You stood, resting a hand on his shoulder. “I can take care of that. Thank you for your assistance. Give this to Namjoon, and this to JB from Jay pack.”

He bowed and rushed off.

You went down to look over the suitors, maintaining a distance from them, really only caring about one. But you needed to buy time.

You approached Jungkook, resting a hand on his shoulder. “You’re dismissed from the trials. Report to your leader.”

His eyes widened. “Y/n.”

“Go,” You whispered, more forcefully.

He bowed and walked away.

You went up to the next, Jackson. “Which is more important, pack or individuals?”

He frowned. “Individuals make up a pack. So, individuals.”

You nodded slightly, moving to the next suitor, Suho. “During lean times, which is more important: laughter, or song?”

Suho’s eyes widened, and he didn’t seem to know how to respond for a moment. Then he frowned slightly. “Laughter?”

You tilted your head and walked past Seokjin to Jinyoung. “Do you actually care for me?”

His mouth opened, but you could see in his eyes.

You nodded. “You are dismissed, report to your subpack leader.” You walked away from him, going down the line of suitors, skipping others now and then asking questions, not always because you wanted to know their answer, but because you needed to buy time. And if you didn’t like their answer, then dismissing them was beneficial. You had everyone’s attention focused on you instead of the slight thrum of secret activity outside of the arena. Instead of noticing the way the Scouts and the Jays were slipping out of the crowd.

You definitely had their attention when you dismissed Jackson, the last Jay pack member up there.

You came to a halt in front of Seokjin finally, studying him for a moment. You’d pared it down to five suitors, but you had yet to ask him a single question.

He met your gaze, unchallenging, gentle, lacking his usual…vibrance. He dipped his head to you after a moment, then met your gaze again.

“You said he was wrong,” You started softly. “That I wasn’t the King. What piece would you say I am?”

“You’re the Queen,” He answered, just as softly. “You’re the strongest player, but if you’re lost, the game cannot be won. You have the free-est range of movement and your adaptability and deadliness is incomparable.”

“Have you been acting as a rook or bishop, protecting me and the King, or are you a King?”

“I don’t know,” He said, a hint of a smile on his face.

You nodded, then turned slightly, to walk to the next suitor.

But you stopped.

The crowd was so quiet, every eye on you. The packs outside of the arena needed you to hold out longer.

“It’s okay, y/n. You’ve done more than they should have expected from you,” Jin said softly.

Your breath hitched.

“You don’t have to choose. It’s okay. You can walk away from it. No one with a heart could blame you,” He continued, a little louder, but not enough to make sure his voice reached you and maybe be overheard a little by the closest suitor. “You don’t have to choose.”

You swallowed and turned away, toward the dais. You went up there, grabbed your notebook, and looked at the leaders.

You dipped your head, then went back down to the suitors, who had bunched up a little whispering just a little while Seokjin shrugged.

They got quiet again as you came to a standstill just four feet from them.

You flipped through your notebook, glancing over the data and mostly just putting on a show for people.

You nodded firmly, tucked your notebook into your pocket, walked forward briskly.

Seokjin blinked down at you, confused.

“Take me home,” You whispered up to him. “I choose you, so please take me away from here. And never make me come back.”

He glanced at the other suitors, who seemed equally surprised as him, but also sympathetic after hearing your words.

You tugged his hand. “Please tell me you choose me too.”

He met your gaze again, and nodded. “I do. I choose you. I chose you.”

“Then take me home,” You told him, a little more desperately. More emotional. You were unraveling faster than you wanted to.

“Y/n, if we start to walk out of here…” He trailed off, glancing guiltily at the others.

“Go,” Suho whispered. “We’ll hold them back. That’s all we can do for you.”

Ken nodded. “We’re sorry it came to this, y/n. I hope…I hope we can meet peacefully again someday.”

“Maybe when the leadership changes,” You whispered, understanding.

“Go,” Suho whispered again, nodding. “And may happiness meet you both.”

Seokjin dipped his head to them, then started walking briskly out with your hand firmly grasped in his.

You caught up to fall in step with him, head held high because there was no time to show weakness.

Once the two of you were out of the arena, he pulled you into a run—the noise from the arena rising in volume from the surprise and indignation.

“Why me?” He asked, a little out of breath as the two of you hopped into the van that was waiting.

You slammed the door shut, and fell back against him as Jungkook floored it. “Because you saw when I was falling apart.”

He wrapped his other arm around you, pulling you properly onto the seat then helping Taehyung buckle you in. “That’s a silly reason.”

“Too late, you can’t take it back,” You told him, curling up to rest against him, head on his shoulder.

He draped a jacket over your head. “You know…”

“I know. You’re not normally this serious. I do know. I miss that side of you, but considering it’s missing because you’ve been worried about me, and the war…”

He gently kissed the top of your head.

It was early morning when you woke up, deep in Scout territory, and you were alone in the van, laid on the seat with someone’s coat to keep you comfortable. Smelled like Jin’s.

You ventured out of the van, taking in the pale shape of trees and the murmurs of those around the various campfires. The scents of different meals just hints on the chilly breeze that blew through camp. It looked like a semi-permanent camp, like a few people were always stationed in the small grouping of cabins way off to your left, made to support those who came temporarily. And maybe that was a forge near the cabins, or an outdoor oven, but the early morning light made it hard to distinguish.

You followed your instinct, moving along the paths created by the different camps, searching for the proper one.

“Hey,” Jin said brightly, falling into step with you. “Good morning.”

“Good morning,” You replied, studying his face.

“Did you sleep well?”

You nodded. “Apparently.”

“Would have moved you, but I didn’t want to wake you. You needed the sleep. I’ve almost finished breakfast.” He led you to a slightly larger camp, one the boys obviously shared that was actually in the opposite direction than the one you had been walking. There were three wagons, and two tents, one of which was slightly larger than the others—the smaller having the appearance of a command tent.

Jin led you to a chair beside the fire, where you could take in their whole camp, then went inside the larger tent (which you could see had an old cot against one wall and all of their cooking supplies filling the rest of the tent). He came out with two blankets, draping one over your shoulders and laying the other over your legs, before hunching over his veritable kitchen of campfire cookware that was set up, all with some sort of food on them. “This spot is a breakaway point. Some of them will head to where most of the women, children, and elders were waiting. Others will split into hunting groups. Our group will be splitting off as well, us and our sub-group in training. We’ll be heading to the crafting camp first, apparently my wagon is finished. Don’t know why it took so long. I really only need a bed.”

“You’re sore,” You said, then glanced back toward that cot. “Did you sleep on that thing?”

He shrugged. “I’m fine.”

“You’re not.”

“I am.”

“You’re not.”

“I—” He broke off, blinking up at you in surprise just before his dramatic rebuttal. “This is payback isn’t it?”

“Just a bit,” You answered, smiling a little as you got up, keeping the blanket around your shoulders. “Can I help?”

“Oh, no, you should—”

“What needs to be done,” You insisted. “I have hands. I slept clear through dinner yesterday. I’m hungry and helping will make it go faster.”

He chuckled and gave you a job.

The two of you cooked in silence, greeting the boys as they woke up and joined you all for eating.

He didn’t say much the rest of the morning, a few jokes here and there, goofing off with the other boys.

They split up in the vehicles to go to the crafting camp, Jin driving one vehicle, Jungkook driving the one that was pulling Namjoon’s wagon, Hoseok driving the vehicle pulling his and Jimin’s wagon, and Yoongi driving the vehicle pulling his own wagon.

And it was just the two of you in the vehicle, but it was a while before the silence was broken.

“You seem like you’re feeling better,” Jin said quietly.

“I am. Sleeping helped.” You watched his face. “You have questions.”

“A few.”

“I was serious about choosing you,” You told him quietly.

“But—”

“Seokjin-oppa,” You murmured. “You’ve always had my best interests at heart. If you don’t want me—”

“That’s not what I said,” He said quickly. “I just don’t want you to be unhappy with me.”

“I won’t be. I have the wherewithal to find satisfaction in whatever situation I may be, so long as I never have to deal with all that had to do with the trials. Ever.”

He glanced at you, pulling in alongside the other boys and turning off the van before facing you. “I want you to be more than satisfied. I want you to be happy.”

You studied his face, one that you knew so well and yet was so foreign. “I think I have to learn how to be happy again. Think you can help show me?”

He smiled a bit. “I think I could do that. But the boys say my jokes are pretty bad.”

You considered that for a moment. “Well, I suppose we’ll find out if I think they’re bad as well.”

Both of you jumped when Jimin slammed his hands against the window on the driver’s side.

“Come on! You have to see your new trailer! Eyes closed! You too, y/n! It’s your home now, too,” Jimin laughed out, opening the door.

You got out, following over to a spot and letting Taehyung cover your eyes.

They were scrambling in front of you, doing something or other.

“Okay!”

You opened your eyes to see the biggest wagon yet.

“What…is this?” Jin asked beside you, sounding confused.

You looked at Namjoon, then the wagon. You grabbed Jin’s hand.

“It’s for you, hyung,” Jungkook said, laughing a bit.

You pulled Jin to the wagon, letting Hoseok open the door for you, but you pulled and shoved Jin ahead of you so he could see it first.

Jin was so astonished that he was silent as he looked around.

You grinned, seeing the love for Jin in every part of it. How much they must rely on him still since they made sure there was space for all of them in there, without crowding Jin.

Jin was focused on the kitchen, then he seemed to notice you again, and he stared at you.

You held his gaze, smiling still.

He walked toward you, pushing Jimin out and closing the door, locking it so they were all out.

“Jin?” You asked, surprised.

“They’re noisy. It’s our first time in our new home,” He said, shaking his head. “Come on. This is our home. Welcome to our home.”

You smiled. “Welcome to our home.”

Maybe it wasn’t the same as ‘I love you’, but it was something that the two of you shared in a new life together.

A home.

–

Masterpost. 

Masterlist. ~  Introduction.

Tagging: @bryophytas​ @young-yellkie​​ @alex–awesome–22​ @bryvada​ @missmoxxiesworld​ @knjhe​ @i-dont-even-know-fck​

[thisselflovecamebacktome]

All the little reasons (so far) why The 1 is my tied favourite off of Folklore

Continuation of 'classic Taylor’ patterns:

The 1 helps to carry on the tradition Taylor has put into her albums since RED where the beginning of the stories actually starts with song three. The first two songs are instead used to heavily allude to the story and themes about to be told but aren’t directly part of them and especially not the beginning of them. 

In RED, we get State of Grace which alludes to the intense love and positive side of “red” emotions with hints of ignoring red flags whereas Red shows the painful and negative “red” emotions and alludes to the themes of heartbreak. 

In 1989 we get Welcome To New York, alluding to trying to get past someone and new beginnings before transitioning into Blank Space indicating that the opinions of others, particularly surrounding her dating, is something that was going to cause issues.

In Reputation we got ...Ready For It, where the verses again show a somewhat satirical take of how people see the both of them in a dark, “edgy” beat that is often used for “angry” tracks mixed with a “softer” tune more used for happier music for the chorus where she talks about being alone with him and doing what she actually wants to. Then we get End Game which serves as a contrast and connecting piece to the “angry/unhealthy” and “happy/healthy” sides of the album. We get the big declaration of love and showy attitude with hints of insecurity because that’s ultimately what Taylor saw as love in the past which contrasts with the quieter moments of love in the later half of the album such as squeezing hands in a cab or building metaphorical fires in locked up houses to keep each other warm.

In Lover we get I Forgot That You Existed to indicate the theme of figuring out who and what’s truly important in life before moving onto Cruel Summer which not only shows the theme of holding onto each other when things are rough, but the importance of communication in a relationship.

And what about Folklore? The 1 and Cardigan brings us into the fantasy world of Folklore by first asking “What If?” and reminding us that life is full of choices and those choices matter in the grand scheme of things. While the rest of the album tells seemingly unquestionable stories relying on how the characters actually felt, The 1 and Cardigan both rely on nostalgia before reminding us right at the end of each song that that wasn’t how the story went and that certain choices were the reason for that... Which leads me to my next point:

One thing being different would not have made everything different today:

As I previously mentioned, one of the major themes of Folklore is that choices matter. Another interlocking theme is that things just don’t happen out of the blue. The choices we make add up and can cause a perfect storm. 

Looking at this through the lens of the love triangle, in order for James to be in the position he’s in in “Betty”, it wasn’t enough that August happened to be there. The guy Betty was dancing with had to ask her to dance, James had to feel insecure about it AND be immature enough to sulk and leave rather than telling Betty how he felt, August had to show up when she did, James had to make the continuous choice to spend the Summer with August, Inez had to tell Betty what happened and finally Betty had to be offended enough to break up with James. The situation the three of them found themselves in could have been prevented at several different points, making it impossible to say if one thing had been different, it all would have been. 

Despite the lyric, The 1 also shows that one thing being different wasn’t likely to have the desired effect of the pair ending up together through several lyrics throughout the song.

In my defence I have none for never leaving well enough alone - This gives the implication that the narrator was prone to starting arguments over topics that didn’t need to be fought over.

If you wanted me you really should have shown it - The narrator shows that the other person didn’t make it seem like a serious long term relationship was an option. Though this could have been a miscommunication, it also implied to me that the other person wasn’t ready to settle down and acted as such meaning that a long term relationship probably wasn’t on the cards.

Rose flowing with your chosen family.... In my defence I have none - So I’m going to go into this a bit later because it relates to a couple of the reasons I love this song, but in short, the narrator impliedly did not make an effort with aspects of the other person’s life, in this case loved ones, that meant a lot to them nor did the narrator have those aspects for themselves.

But it would have been fun if you would have been the one - Connecting this reason with the theme of nostalgia, I find the word ‘fun’ an interesting choice from a songwriter who tends to use intense words like ‘magical’, ‘fearless’, ‘permanent’, ‘wild’ and even ‘really something’ to describe the loves of her life. In comparison, ‘fun’ feels very casual. While not a choice of the relationship, the use of the word along with lack of hard moments shown in the song does imply to me that the narrator has based this ‘what if’ on pure nostalgia and makes me assume that there several reasons things turned out like they did.

Its links with other songs on the album:

Anyone who knows me knows that my favourite aspect of an album is feeling like I got something out of listening to those songs in that order together that I couldn’t have gotten from listening to the songs alone. Often this comes from contrasts in songs like how I mentioned End Game’s production and lyrics contrast the back end of Reputation, relatability like how 22 is in between All Too Well and I Almost Do because that time with her friends is merely distracting her from her pain or hearing how the same things can be seen differently like how WANEGBT, Stayx3 and The Last Time come one after another to show the relationship was on and off, why she stayed in said relationship and those same traits that kept her staying were now why she was at the end of her rope with said relationship. Really in general RED as an album is a brilliant example because while a lot of people don’t get it, the whiplash of positive and negative songs really does represent what it’s like to be in that kind of toxic relationship.

But I’m not here to talk about RED or Reputation, I’m here to to talk about Folklore. While many people would probably say that the love triangle songs are the best representation of what I’m talking about, I honestly think The 1 and Peace are the two songs that most benefit from the context of the other songs in the album. Specifically, The 1 benefits in the following ways in my honest opinion:

The 1 serves as the other side of the same coin to Invisible String. The 1 discusses a relationship where circumstances didn’t line up to make it work whereas Invisible String describes a relationship where the stars aligned and it all did work out. Further, The 1 asks the question ‘what if things were different and this one relationship worked out?’ and Invisible String answers with ‘well thank goodness it didn’t’.

You know the greatest films of all time were never made versus I think I’ve seen this film before: the automatic assumption and link that the love in Exile was not either of their greatest loves.

If you never bleed you’re never going to grow links so well with But now I’m bleeding and Peter losing Wendy from Cardigan.

Though it’s not connected with other Folklore lyrics, the little links of things like never leaving well enough alone being in The 1 and past songs (in this case ME!) and the Sad Beautiful Tragic vibe that the second prechorus of The 1 gives always brings a smile to my face.

And finally, my favourite parallel of this whole album:

In my defence I have [no chosen family] and its link with Family that I chose now that I see your brother as my brother from Peace. To me, this parallel brings together everything I have said so far. It brings the album together and once again reinforces that a theme in Folklore is how choices dictate our lives. The fact that somewhere along the lines the narrator realised that there didn’t have to be a ‘his loved ones’ and ‘her loved ones’ and made the effort and choice to incorporate themselves into their partner’s life and found that to be an important part of why they are working out in a way they didn’t with their past partners lives rent free in my mind, heart and soul everyday, not going to lie. Like I don’t know how to explain it, but that link alone just added so much to both of those songs for me personally.

Other little things:

This song is beyond relatable. Like I could not tell you one person who doesn’t have that one past thing or relationship, romantic or otherwise, they wish could have been different and fantasise/romanticise what that would have looked like.

The 1 and August are the two funnest songs to sing to from Folklore and even though both are relatively sad lyrically, always give me a good boost of serotonin when I sing them.

Relating to the two points above, singing “In my defence I have none” loudly when you don’t have family and feel like none of your wishes like me ever came true feels like free therapy lmao.

While I know Taylor didn’t write The 1 from a fully autobiographical point of view, the idea of her seeing one of her multimillionaire exes at the bus stop makes me laugh every time.

It’s a grower. While it was always in my top six, as I mentioned in the title, it’s in a three way tie with August and Exile as my favourite song from Folklore right now.

All in all I just really love this song and all the tiny little details that make it amazing and honestly think it’s a very underrated song in Taylor’s discography.

[puawarriors-production]

Week 17 – Alex – I Told You I’d See You Later

My previous post was a little anti-climactic if you ask me, and I didn’t get to recap what I did so here we gooo.

----------------------FIRST, MAJOR DISCLAIMER---------------

     As you can see, this post is pretty dang long, so I’m just gonna put evaluation stuff for the class here first, and if you feel like reading on afterward that’s cool, but it’s just personal reflections and final send-off stuff. 

     So, shockingly, I was one of the main contributors to the rough animation which you can see in the animatic, and can track the progress of throughout this blog’s history. I finished 15 roughed shots in total. I also have 8 shots concurrently blocked (in other words, partial progress,) and 2 shots unstarted.       I also made the 3D environment models used for reference in making the backgrounds, as well as handling the editing side (video composition, timing, and sound edits) for the animatic up to this point. 

     Next, I worked closely with Sophia and our sound mixer Tim to get the voice actresses recorded, their clips edited, and finally integrated into the film. And also, while this hasn’t made it into the animatic yet, I have been creating some original sound design elements as well. Here’s a sample of some:

I’m focusing mostly on the characters’ Pua powers and transformations right now, and some sludge sounds. And in hand with that, I also did the voice clips/sound effects for the Sludge Monster. Aaand that’s pretty much it from me this semester! Super excited to keep up the work in the weeks to come! If you’re not sticking till the end of the post, then thanks for an awesome class, and awesome semester! 

------------------ The Feels Side of the Post -----------------

                                       The Pua Warriors Experience

     When I first heard about Pua Warriors, I thought the idea sounded awesome: Magical girls set in Hawai'i using flower powers and sparkles to save the day? Yeah I’m down for that. It felt… familiar to me, I suppose. But at the time I still knew relatively little about the characters, the story, and only had a vague idea of their designs.

     As time went on and the Capstone application deadline was approaching, I felt like I was a bit stuck, with the exhaustion of working on Midnight Showing holding me on one side, and having only a vague outline of a plot for my own film idea on the other. And with no crew to speak of, the decision not to make a Capstone of my own was … difficult… one of the most difficult in my time at ACM. Cause in my mind (at the time at least,) not making “your own” Capstone project felt like a failure somehow. But this whole Pua Warriors thing was sounding pretty nice, and I already knew everyone working on it. So I decided life’s better together, and far be it from me to not work on a project of some kind. So I hopped on-board for a little trip into the unknown. And well, here we are, still in the unknown. But that doesn’t mean we’re lost. Not yet.

     I have to say, Pua Warriors has grown on me. At a certain point it stopped feeling like a student film, and started feeling more like a potential series: a world with its own storyline, and indeed one that’s worth telling – yes, I would make a distinction between the two. Working on the project has just been the sweetest, most wonderful, enlightening, mild existential crisis inducing, and bizarrely friendly thing I’ve had the privilege of working on, all at once. It didn’t just change how I approach character design, animation, or working on a team – I feel it changed me for the better as a person, and at times I feel almost unworthy to be on this project.

     One thing I’ll never forget is the time we spent hanging out in the Keller lab, going to group meetings, and recording at MELE. What silly fun times those were. I admit, not being able to hang out with my friends after the virus shut the world down has truly been one of the most difficult parts of my whole “college era” of my life experience. To feel like something great was forming, only to be ripped away by something so crazy and completely over-the-top as this virus – words just can’t capture the feeling of melancholy. But even when we’re spread hundreds or thousands of miles apart, at times I can still feel near, even if it is only through a screen. And personally, I don’t want that to change just because the semester’s ending. That’s why, in a way, I’m sort of glad we have time to work on into the summer.

                                             Reflections on Life

     Some lessons this semester taught me: First is on fitting in. It’s never blending in for the sake of blending in, nor standing out for the sake of standing out. It’s being comfortably unique in your own talents and skills, strengths and weaknesses, styles and tastes - while being happy to share those things with others. Indeed, it’s not about being “good enough” to belong, but rather belonging, in order that may do good for others. Second is on wanting to help. For a long time I remained kind of a loner in ACM, sitting in “my” corner with “my” ideas. It wasn’t until last semester and especially during this semester I realized just how powerful, or perhaps rather how much more powerful the drive to help and serve others can be. That’s true not just for creative endeavors, but all areas of life. The Third lesson: doing things for the right reasons. We do things for a lot of different reasons, and often times we aren’t cognizant of why we act or feel the way we do. Having an understanding of who you truly are and what you really want is critical in exercising self-control, and you may come to realize your desires aren’t always what you think they are. And the Fourth lesson is on being assertive. We all want and feel things, and one of the greatest feelings is being in control. You may doubt yourself when you don’t know where your feelings and desires come from. You may think your mind is playing tricks on you. But the truth is, we’ll never go places in life if we don’t speak up and acknowledge our ideas. We may not always come to the right conclusions, but that doesn’t mean we’re wrong for trying. So try, try, and try again. It’s okay to fail, as long as you pick up something with you as you get up. Take risks, and understand that doubt is often our greatest enemy, so fight it!

     So now, at the end, I don’t really know what I feel: I don’t know if this is sadness or happiness? Courage or fear? Maybe it’s none of those things, but something I haven’t quite felt before. Until recently, I didn’t realize there’s an emotion that can make you feel so weak, yet feel strong at the same time. One thing’s for sure, I’m going to miss the project, the crew, and all of Hawai'i. To us, the future is a blank slate: nothing is written on it, yet it holds an infinite number of possibilities. 

                                          Honoring my Maker

     Now before I wrap up, I have a specific topic I’d like to address.

     While I  usually avoid discussing my religious life openly in a scholastic context, I will say here and now that God has been my greatest help throughout these past couple years. For the longest time, even before coming to Hawai'i, I struggled with feelings of not fitting in, of low self-esteem, and of self-doubt. There were a lot of recurring battles at my home growing up, and many of the wounds followed me into adulthood. And if nothing else, this semester has brought many of those to the forefront.

     As a child back in Washington, I would often just go with the flow of my friends at the time, because it was easier, and allowed me to avoid conflict. Yet I would be lead into instances where I would not speak up or act, even though I felt what we were doing, thinking, or saying was wrong. My family wasn’t particularly religious, or at least they certainly didn’t act like it. And for a while I think I didn’t believe in God. Maybe there was some higher power... maybe, perhaps, but not God. Yet still I felt a crushing weight on my conscience, for both the things I had done, and the things I had failed to do. So I watched TV shows and movies to help me feel safe, to distract myself, and indeed to feel as if I had more power than I actually did. 

     There came a time in middle school when a big storm came through my life, and when I was living in fear, I turned to God, and He helped me through it. And again in high school, God helped me. And in college, many times more. Through it all, God answered my prayers, and showed me there is a better way. And I came to understand that He gave me a way to life through His Son, long before I was even born. And because of that, I could find comfort and rest by trusting in Him through the afflictions I faced.      So the way I see it, God has lead my life in a way neither I, nor any human being could. I have found that He has a purpose for all things, and truly that nothing comes by accident. I may not say it aloud, but I observe it every day in the places He sets me in, and the people with whom He places me. Yes, even in the midst of this virus. So while family and friends may not always be there to support me, and while institutions may crumble and fall, and while I may move away and feel isolated from all I’ve known, my God was, is, and always will be with me. There is nothing more empowering or reassuring than that. And without coming off too preachy, my hope is that people might perhaps look at that reflected in my life - to see the work God has done, and to consider their own relationship with Him.

                                                       Roll Call

     Next, I have a few shout-outs I’d like to mention.

     First, to my wonderful film Director Sophia: What can I say? This project has been simply amazing to work on with you. I think back to the moment I first overheard you talking about Pua Warriors. You were so thrilled to do it, and that’s when I realized I might want to jump onboard as well. Since then, the only adjective that comes to mind describing this experience is “vibrant.” I know there have been a lot of ups and downs, but that’s part of what makes the experience worth remembering. And there may very well be more hills and valleys to go through, but I actually look forward to them every day with you, as we continue to make this film happen. You shine like a star with a brilliant, positive energy I’ve never seen before. And I think you have a much greater potential than perhaps even you yourself realize. Of course, everyone has room to grow, but that doesn’t reflect poorly on you at all. It’s the fact that you’ve been so supportive of your team, and that you didn’t give up on your vision, and indeed, you’ve made massive efforts to grow this semester – that’s what makes you a good director in my eyes. And to be honest, I wouldn’t have anybody else direct the film – certainly at least not this “episode” anyway. It’s been a lasting experience, and I hope you’ll take what you’ve learned from it with you. You have a bright future ahead of you Sophia – all you need to do is reach out to it!

     Next, to the Art Director and my good friend Gavin, wow what a ride this has been. Your artistic vision, your stamina, and your work ethic are so very remarkable. It’s been awesome these last few years getting to know you and work with you through all the late nights and long class periods. And especially through Midnight Showing and Pua Warriors. You basically set the standard that I and most other animation students aspire to, and you have such a unique way of looking at things too. Even when you’re feeling drained from all the work, your passion clearly shows, and you know how to communicate both very clearly, AND very, uh, sassily, which makes hanging around you hilarious. You’re also one of the only people on Earth that could get me to watch Clone Wars, and I don’t regret it. You give exceptional feedback in each critique, and though it can be tough to incorporate sometimes, you make listening to you a worthwhile endeavor. ACM simply would not be what it is without you, and I know you have many great things you’ll do with your skills moving forward.

     To our excellent Animation Supervisor Chandelle, this semester’s been a tough one, but even in the darkest times, the sun still rises! You’ve always been an awesome animator, an incredibly hard worker, and an exceptionally friendly and helpful member of the group. And what’s more, you never sought to put the spotlight on yourself for it. You do things simply because you care, and you do them with such a level of discipline and professionalism that few in the ACM department could match it. I’m sure I speak for the whole group when I say, we care about you so much, and we’re just thankful you’ve been with us on the project. Never sell yourself short Chandelle! You’ve conquered some major obstacles in the past, and I know you have it in you to overcome this one as well.The light will shine again someday, so hang in there, and thanks for all the help you’ve given!

     To my fellow animation friend Jared, man, have I got a lot of respect for you. You really know what it’s like to get down and dirty for the team, or feel stuck in a rut in the middle of a project. This last year has probably tested you the most, and yet you never fell apart. Sure, cracks may have formed at times, but you held together and pulled on through to the end. That proves you’ve got guts, and a great capacity for patience and accommodation especially in times of crisis. And that’s exactly what we need - that kind of boldness and passion, to be able to outlast our worries, especially when there are so many unknowns. I remember back to Midnight Showing; boy, that felt like a big time of unknowns too. We had no idea what was coming. And yet you outmatched it, and sure enough, things worked out in the end. And because you’ve been so humble and willing to improve yourself, I’ve seen you get so much better over these last few years, and frankly, it’s astonishing! You’re a great friend, and a hard worker Jared. Keep it up! You’ve got this!

     I’d also like mention my fellow animation friend Kalilinoe! Even though we’re not in the same team this semester, you’re still an awesome and inspiring animator to have in class! Working together on Midnight Showing last semester was a lot of work, but also so much fun! And I love your style of animation using rotoscoping. And I gotta say, the animation in Pua Ka Uahi looks sooo smooth and beautiful. Watching your progress on the film this semester has been super inspiring, and definitely keeps the other teams on their toes! I can’t wait to see the finished film!

     I’ll also make a brief mention of Jayme and Bobby from our 320/420 classes! You guys rock, and made the year all the better! I hope we’ll get to hang out again sometime! 

     PLUS, A big thanks to the whole Capstone class! Stay creative, and best wishes to you all!

     And finally, one last big shout-out to Lisette for making all of this possible! You’ve been an awesome teacher not just for this course, but for the last few years in general! You always bring such wisdom and expert film knowledge to us younglings. And you’re so willing to make yourself available to your students; always helpful and encouraging to everyone, and even more so now during this time. That’s just the kind of support we need! I’ll be missing your classes greatly! Thanks so much for all your care and help!

                                              A New Chapter Begins

Well, that pretty much wraps up my blog (for the school-production time anyway) of Pua Warriors. I’d like to once again thank each and every one of you for making the ACM experience so incredible. I think I like posting, so I’ll probably try to keep up with the blogs for the future, or at least make an update every once in a while. Thanks for reading through this epic conclusion of a post. 

Until next time my friends! This is Alex(is) Nelson, Ganitine, the Undercover Animator, uncovered! See you next time!

[pckarchives]

because going back and adding these to the previous q & a’s would be a pain ... beneath the cut , you’ll find all of brynn’s information !

𝐏𝐀𝐓𝐈𝐄𝐍𝐓 𝐅𝐈𝐋𝐄 𝟎𝟎𝟎𝟎.     ›     brunnhilde brynn naoimh friar.

► species ➔ kelpie. ► biological age ➔ 1,803. ► weight ➔ 130 lbs. ► height ➔ 5′9″. ► build ➔ very thin with a bit of muscle! though, fun fact: if she is trying to lure in someone who prefers a bigger or smaller girl, that is what they will see! because kelpie aren’t actually human anyway, her human form only serves to draw others in, so they appear as the most appealing form, according to those around them. she looked a lot bigger when she lived in france and weight was in style, but she’s much thinner these days. she doesn’t understand humans, she doesn’t like this. ► disabilities ➔ none! ► weapon(s) of choice ➔ in an every day situation, her fists! she does not fight often (anymore), but she is very capable of solving those fights via human means. if a battle requires more than that, well... kelpies have no problem dragging someone down to the depths of the sea and eating them. ► skills ➔ see above. in addendum to the dragging someone to the depths of the sea thing, she can trap someone in her arms so they can’t escape her. works best when she’s in water, but she could make it work on land. also, she has a weather-sense! usually only matters when storms are coming, because she can feel when the waters get restless. she can summon a storm herself, but dear gods, the amount of effort that takes. she’s done it once in her near two thousand years of existence and has elected to never do it again. finally, she can actually turn into the horse spirit when she’s underwater. it looks... a little more mermaid-ish than one would think, but it’s a horse, okay. in her horse form, she’s ten times faster and stronger than a normal horse and... y’know, she can drag someone to the bottom of the sea and eat them. notably, if she is shifted on land, she appears like a regular black horse! maybe a little bigger than normal, slightly monstrous snout, but you’d have to look really closely to notice that. ► weaknesses ➔ her bridle. anyone gets their hands on it, they have control over her, which... is extremely terrifying, considering what she can do. so she keeps that thing hidden where no one has a chance of finding it or taking it from her. ► worst habits ➔ unfortunately, she falls in love very easily. after all of this time, she’s still a wide-eyed romantic. she also trusts entirely too easily. you would think she would know better, but? no? ► nervous tics ➔ she plays with seashells! talking to the sea is very much a mermaid thing, yes, but mermaids and kelpies are close relatives, and they all need a bit of water comfort. so when brynn’s feeling a little nervy, she’ll toy with a seashell or pearl, maybe have a quiet and awkward conversation with the nearest sea. ► sexuality ➔ what a silly concept. ► are they single? ➔ at the moment, yes. ► are they happy? ➔ literally always. ► are they angry? ➔ sometimes. really depends on the situation. ► are their parents still married? ➔ she doesn’t have parents! kelpies are independent spirits and they aren’t exactly born the way humans and other beings are. she simply came into existence, exactly the way she is. she’s been “adopted” many times, taken in by loving couples who hated to see such a young thing on her own in the world. but as far as biology goes, she has no parents to speak of. ► happiest memory? ➔ meeting iliana khepri! and, in addition, meeting her sons when they were turned! brynn doesn’t have many friends who’ve lasted throughout the years, as most people eventually die of old age, if nothing else. but having such beautifully-spirited friends who are as eternal as she is is a gift that she can never overlook. ► worst memory? ➔ the moment she, rohan and iliana found elliot the night of his wedding. certainly, there are worse things that she has lived through, long before this child was born, married and broken. but this horror is the freshest and it hurts the most. he had been so excited to tell them of his wedding and he simply wasn’t the same after it all. elliot may be nearly two hundred years old, but he’s still a baby, as far as she’s concerned? and he’s already been hurt in a way that even she’s managed to avoid so far. being there to witness it and being unable to stop it... yeah. she should have eaten that man. ► biggest regret? ➔ trusting a djinn with her bridle. she’d been friends with the woman and had been so certain that it would be the right move. wrong! anyway, brynn ate her. ► best thing they’ve ever done? ➔ saved quite a few travelers and tourists from storms and people with ill-intentions. ate a few dictators. ► worst thing they’ve ever done? ➔ in her “youth,” she ate people indiscriminately. she didn’t quite learn to control herself until she met iliana and had a reason to be kind. so she’s eaten quite a few children, her fair share of families, etc... she’s not proud of it. ► worst thing that’s ever been done to them? ➔ remember that djinn from earlier? yeah, she accused brynn of being a witch... during the witch trials. and given that brynn didn’t have her own bridle, she couldn’t even save herself. and she wasn’t one of the ones who had to drown to prove her innocence; no, that would have bene a mercy. she was burned. do you know what happens when you put a water spirit in flames? ► what scares them the most? ➔ the thought of someone getting their hands on her bridle again. she’s a full romantic, loves and trusts wholeheartedly, but she’s not sure she’ll ever trust that much ever again. ► who have they left behind? ➔ honestly, no one! though she’s been to many places and has met many people, she has rarely gotten attached to people, only to leave them behind. you could say she left iliana, rohan and elliot behind, but even then... not really? she’s kept in contact with them over the years, calling them ever so often to make sure they are doing well. elliot has recently taught her about facetime! ...she does not understand it. ► who would they kill for? ➔ anyone who needs it. this comes with the understanding that not every situation calls for death. some people just need a good curb-stomp and the problem is solved. but if someone truly needed her to kill, then she will do so. ► who has hurt them the most? ➔ the aforementioned djinn. that was a few hundred years ago, so you would think she would be over it? but no! absolutely the worst thing she’s ever experienced! ► who have they hurt the most? ➔ she would be hard pressed to say. she hasn’t hurt anyone she’s cared about. and when considering those that she’s eaten, no one person matters more than the others. ► who scares them the most? ➔ no one. ► if they could say one thing to their family right now, what would it be? ➔ “i have an ipad! ...what do i do with it?” SEVEN FACTS ► ‘birth’ place ➔ the north sea. ► hair color ➔ currently, blonde. it has been a number of colors over the years, due to beauty trends and hair dye. she was born with brown hair, a little lighter than her horse mane, but prefers the blonde. ► eye color ➔ blue. ► birthday ➔ september 30, 216. ► gender ➔ all kelpies are female. ► summer or winter ➔ summer. ► morning or afternoon ➔ morning. EIGHT THINGS ABOUT YOUR LOVE LIFE ► are they in love? ➔ no. ► do they believe in love at first sight? ➔ absolutely! ► who ended their last relationship? ➔ she did. ► have they ever broken someone’s heart? ➔ yep. ► are they afraid of commitments? ➔ not at all! ► have they hugged someone within the last week? ➔ no, which is a shame. ► have they ever had a secret admirer? ➔ probably? ► have they ever broken their own heart? ➔ yes. SIX CHOICES ► love or lust ➔ love. ► lemonade or iced tea ➔ lemonade. ► cats or dogs ➔ dogs! ► a few best friends or many regular friends ➔ depends? with a life like hers, she needs both. ► wild night out or romantic night in ➔ romantic night in. ► day or night ➔ day. FOUR HAVE YOU EVERS ► been caught sneaking out? ➔ no. ► fallen down/up the stairs ➔ yes. ► wanted something/someone so badly it hurt? ➔ yes. ► wanted to disappear? ➔ no. FAMILY ► do they and their family get along?  ➔ she doesn’t have a family! ► would they say they have a “messed up life”? ➔ no. ► have they ever ran away from home? ➔ yes. ► have they ever gotten kicked out? ➔ no. FRIENDS ► do they secretly hate one of their friends? ➔ no! ► do they consider all of their friends good friends? ➔ yes! ► who is their best friend? ➔ iliana khepri. ► who knows everything about them? ➔ see above, plus rohan laghari and elliot aldridge. ► pack mate they’re closest to? ➔ prediction-wise, she’ll get close to theo, megan, alicia and nico, so as to help them not eat people, but especially theo and megan. (brynn shows up and adopts two cannibal kids on sight... as she should!) also kali, on account of her living with the vampires and being rohan’s baby sister. but of course, she will always be closest to iliana and her boys. ► pack mate they’ve fought the most? ➔ she is not a fighter! ► if forced to choose between their life and that of their closest pack mate, who would they save? ➔ martyrdom leaves no winners. she and iliana have always saved themselves and she doesn’t see why that would change.

► hobbies ➔ professionally, she’s a marine archeologist, but that started out as a hobby, as well! other than that, she likes taking dives and swimming with dolphins, whales and sharks. make no mistake, she is not the apex predator in that situation. but kelpies are repulsive to sea creatures, so as to prevent them from being eaten. so swimming with them is always safe, thankfully. and though she will not admit it under extreme torture, she does like roaming around in her horse form. she’s given quite a few horseback rides to children, because their happiness is all she could ever ask for. ► social media handles ➔ social what now? ► conventional or creative contact ids ➔ conventional. it’s a good day if she can figure out how to put a number in her contacts as it is, no need to get creative. ► favorite color ➔ sea blue. ► favorite video game ➔ she has tried video games before and just cannot understand them. every time someone mentions a new one, it’s a different console? the controller has a new design? how does anyone keep up? ► favorite song ➔ modern love by david bowie. ► favorite scent ➔ incense! ► favorite band/artist ➔ julie d'aubigny was one of a kind. ► favorite place to be ➔ not to be cliché, but... the beach. the sand, the ocean, the rocks... she lives for that kinda vibe. ► favorite season ➔ summer! she can get into the water as much as she wants without people looking at her strange. ► favorite word ➔ alacrity. ► favorite meme ➔ i pretend i do not see it. (elliot taught her this one and he’s very proud of her for remembering it.) ► if they were an animal ➔ i... horse. ► if they were a color ➔ blue, in all of its forms. ► if they were a vine/tiktok ➔ literally any of those tiktoks with the audio that goes: fuck, i.. i... i love you ! no, that’s too soon, you met this girl this afternoon ! okay, FUCK. she’s looking scared, maybe, like, should’ve came prepared with a poem, a haiku, maybe a hug, y’know ––– i could’ve killed you & hidden you with a rug, WHAT THE FUCK ? did you just say that, you fucking psychotic maniac –––– ?! ► if they were a taylor swift song ➔ blank space. ► aesthetic ➔ blood-stained seashells, clam shells pried open with shaking hands, blonde hair tied back into a peppy ponytail, blonde then red then pink then ombre but never brown never again, the ocean lapping at pale feet, calling the lost souls back home. ► motto ➔ “this isn’t the first ending i’ve survived and it won’t be the last.” ► theme song ➔ in for the kill by la roux.

► medical issues ➔ none. ► knows far too much about ➔ worldwide theologies. she doesn’t subscribe to any particular religion herself, but she has always been fascinated by the existence of higher beings, so she chooses to believe in all of them! ► fears death via ➔ fire. ► chances of being “evil” ➔ eh, pretty slim. she’s malevolent by nature, but has no interest in going all dark side again. she’s been there and she’s not impressed!

[shipmistress9]

FTLOAP: Chapter 33: Bring On The Fire And Bring On The Storm

Title: For The Love Of A Princess

Fandom: HTTYD

Theme: Hiccstrid - Medieval-style AU - Romance - Angst/Hurt/Comfort

Summary: Reduced to little more than a stable boy, Hiccup, despite his noble birth, has few prospects for more in life. But when he meets a girl who came to look at the horses, being a stable boy might not be enough anymore. Together, they have tough choices to make and great risks to navigate if they want to survive and be together.

Rating: Explicit

FF-net  -  AO3 -

Discord-server for discussions and questions

Prologue; Chapter 1; Chapter 2; Chapter 3; Chapter 4; Chapter 5; Chapter 6; Chapter 7; Chapter 8; Chapter 9; Chapter 10; Chapter 11; Chapter 12; Chapter 13; Chapter 14; Interlude 1; Chapter 15; Chapter 16; Chapter 17; Chapter 18; Chapter 19; Chapter 20; Chapter 21; Chapter 22; Chapter 23; Chapter 24; Chapter 25; Chapter 26; Interlude 2; Chapter 27: Chapter 28 ; Chapter 29 ; Chapter 30; Chapter 31; Chapter 32; Interlude 3; Bonus 1

Alpha/Co-author: @athingofvikings

. – * – _ . o O o . _ – * – .

AN: Woah, what a week! Between HTTYD 3 and RL, I've been a total mess, and am honestly amazed that there actually is a chapter to post this week. And such a long one, too. But most importantly: This is the last chapter of Part 2! (I'm strangely pleased that Part 1 ended on chapter 11, and now Part 2 ends on chapter 33.) So, yeah, this is the last chapter of this part. It contains scenes I had in my head for ages, and as it is with those, I'm not quite sure they came out as I always imagined them. But I'm happy enough with them by now, and hope you'll enjoy them too.

More importantly though: I'll go on another scheduled hiatus now. I'm sorry that there was no prior warning, but... Well, I need a little time to properly outline the events and content of Part 3, especially since athingofvikings and I are discussing what to include from HTTYD 3, expanding out details in plotting from my original outline. For my own sanity, I also want to write out a full draft and build up a buffer for the summer. Posting will resume April 5th, 2019. For everyone interested: Feel free to contact us on @athingofvikings ‘ Discord server.

This chapter's title comes from the song 'Invincible' by Ruelle. It feels oddly fitting, both for this chapter on its own and for the upcoming Part 3. ;)

. o O o .

 When she heard the voices of her ‘brothers’, Astrid was up and awake in an instant.

Shit!

What were they doing here?

Hastily, she sat up, perking up her ears. Could she’ve been wrong? There was nothing now, only the silence of the night. Had it just been her fears that had made her imagine those voices? Maybe it had just been a dream altogether? But no, there it was again. She knew Eret’s voice and Dagur’s cackling laughter too well to be wrong.

And judging by their volume, they already were close.

Within only a second, she was on her feet, frantically looking around for a place to hide, but came up empty-handed. The back of Hiccup’s sleeping stall was packed with straw bales, but they were stacked too tightly to hide between them, and it was too late to leave the stall and look somewhere else.

With her heart beating in her throat, Astrid wrapped herself into Hiccup’s blanket -- even as something like a desperate hysterical laugh bubbled up inside her. Yeah, right. Hiding the fact that she’d been lying in Hiccup’s bed, half-naked, would totally help if they found her here.

Praying to all the Gods she knew, she pressed herself into a corner of the stall, the last one that would be visible should someone look in here. Maybe they wouldn’t even come in at all? Maybe they’d just drop Hiccup off and leave?

The sound of the door opening was audible, and Astrid reflexively held her breath as definitely more than one pair of feet entered the stables. Oh, please!, she prayed. Please don’t let them find me!

“All right,” came Hiccup’s voice. “You’ve accomplished your goal and got me here without an accident. Thanks, guys. Really. But now, I’ll be okay. Shoo. Off with you.” He sounded… strange somehow, but Astrid didn’t have the nerves to further think about that. Not now!

“Are you sure?” Eret sounded worried, and Astrid pressed herself closer against the wooden wall to her back. Why couldn’t he simply leave?

“Yes, I’m sure,” came Hiccup’s dry reply. “You don't need to tuck me into bed.” He sounded closer now, almost at the entrance to the stall, and apparently, Eret had followed him there.

He’d come closer too, stood only a few feet away from her now. If he opened the stall door, there was no way… “Hic, don’t underestimate this stuff… It’s–”

“Seriously, I’m fine!” Hiccup interrupted him. “And I can take care of myself. See you guys tomorrow.”

Astrid didn't even dare to breathe. She could even see Hiccup now, standing in the open door with Eret apparently directly in front of him. If Eret only so much as made one more step…

“Come on, he's fine,” came Dagur's voice, and Astrid almost sobbed in relief. “Leave the boy to his pleasant dreams. We have another one to get into bed, after all.”

It felt like an eternity before Eret answered, Astrid shaking like a leaf, but eventually, he gave in. “You're right, both of you. All right, see you tomorrow, Hiccup.”

“Sleep well,” sounded Dagur's cheerful voice toward them, followed by an unintelligible grunt that sounded awfully like Daniel. Still not daring to move a single muscle, she listened anxiously to Eret’s receding footsteps, to him and Dagur exchanging a few words that were too quiet for her to understand. A minute later, the door to the stables finally closed, leaving her and Hiccup in relative silence, except for the snort of a sleeping horse. Astrid was still too tense and anxious to relax and approach Hiccup, when his sudden laughter caught her off guard. It started quietly, just a low chuckling really, but quickly grew into a full body guffaw.

“Oh, Gods,” he gasped in-between. “I was sure that they would spot you!” He turned toward her, apparently knowing exactly where she was hiding, and pulled her into a tight hug, blanket and everything.

Still stunned, Astrid was hardly able to react in any way, not even when he kissed her, giggling against her lips. “Tha-that was awfully close,” she eventually gasped, still shaking. Countless ‘What if…’s were whirling around in her head, and she still felt as if she couldn’t breathe freely.

“I know!” Hiccup was still chuckling, leaning heavily against her. “That would have been…” He broke off into another laughing fit. “Gods, can you imagine? That would have been hilarious!”

Hilarious? Well, that wasn't the word Astrid would have used! Alarming, maybe. Or terrifying. But then, Hiccup’s behaviour was odd, not really like him, but more–

“Hiccup, are you drunk?” she blurted out, a little incredulously, smelling the beer on his breath. The question wasn't necessary, not really. In fact, now that she thought about it, it was fairly obvious. But the words were out before she could think about them.

“Mmm,” Hiccup hummed into her hair. “Maybe a little? Apparently, Dagur thought our beers needed improvement, so...” he chuckled again, shaking his head against her neck.

Gulping, Astrid nodded. “I see,” she mumbled. That explained why Eret had been so concerned; Astrid had heard enough stories about Dagur’s brews to be a little worried now too.

But then, Hiccup seemed to be all right. More than all right, actually. He wasn’t sick or delirious, nor unstable in any way she could detect – and having been around drunk nobles since she was a little girl, she’d seen a lot of men and women who acted poorly under the influence of drinks. No, all that was different from his normal self was his obvious giddiness and how unrestrained he was. His hands were roaming over her body, never holding still; up and down her back, her shoulders, caressing her neck, her sides, pushing the blanket aside to brush along the edges of her bare breasts. The feeling very efficiently distracted her from all worrisome thoughts.

It felt a bit odd, the rough fabric of his heavy cloak and the cold leather of his vest beneath against her bare skin, but she couldn't say that it was unpleasant. On the contrary, his almost playful touches and giddy laughter every now and then finally made her relax too. Eret had been awfully close to discovering her, but what mattered was that he hadn't. So she made an effort to deeply breathe in and out, let the tension flow out of her, and leaned more comfortably into Hiccup's embrace. Being close to him, kissing and feeling him, always made her feel better.

“You're in quite a cheerful mood,” she eventually pointed out, gasping as he nibbled his way down her neck. And he really was, with the continuous giggling and grinning. She was happy to be with him too, but this still felt like something else. “Did you have a good night out?”

Again, he began to chuckle. “Yeah, we had. I...” he paused, almost choked on another laugh, then added, “I told them about you.”

Astrid froze, and her gut seemed to drop down into her feet. “You– What?” He couldn't be serious now, could he? No, surely not. Surely, he hadn't–

“Don't worry,” he interrupted her approaching panic attack, still grinning and giving little giggles but somewhat steadier now. “I just told them that I am in love with the most wonderful woman on Midgard, how beautiful and smart and brave she is, and that she loves me too.” He paused to place a lingering kiss just below her ear. “I didn't mention your name, they don't know I was talking about you, but… Gods, Daniel, he–” Hiccup broke off, his arms around her tightening. “He said he’s happy for me. Encouraged me to marry her– you as soon as possible. That he would support me if needed...”

Astrid felt a kind of pressure around her chest, as if a corset was being closed by Ruff in one of her moods. “But Hiccup,” she interrupted him. “I don't doubt that he said that, but… but he didn't know you were talking about me, that he is the one who–”

“I know,” Hiccup sighed. He retreated slightly until his eyes met hers. There was a strange expression in them; an odd mixture of hope and despair, all covered by a light haze that probably came from the alcohol. “I know that he doesn't know that I was talking about you and I know that that fact would certainly change his opinion. But…” he broke off, and swallowed before a small almost shy smile played around his lips. “But it gave me hope, you know? The hope that he'll come around? Last night, I thought that hope was lost for good, so… Yeah, it was good to hear that he doesn't think I'm a complete failure.”

Astrid features softened, and she reached up to brush a few fringes out of his face. “You're not a failure,” she whispered. “Where is that idea suddenly coming from?” She remembered how Eret the Elder, the old goat, had spoken about Hiccup in that way, and how Hiccup had reacted when she’d repeated those words. But that was ages ago. It had never come up again since then, so why did he mention it now?

But he just shrugged, and averted his eyes. “Doesn't matter,” he muttered, then pulled her closer again until his face was thoroughly buried between her hair and her neck. “All that matters is that you're here. Freya, Astrid, I– I love you. So much!”

Chuckling weakly, Astrid turned her head until her lips touched his skin. “I love you too.”

She couldn't really say how they ended up rolling around on the straw-covered ground a few minutes later. All she knew was that there was something unrestrained and wild, almost feral even, about Hiccup's actions. The way his hands roamed over her skin, searching and exploring, intense, his kisses hot and almost demanding. It left her dizzy and wanting, especially when he focused all his attention on her breasts. She'd never known how sensitive that part of her body was, but, Freya, every time his work-roughened hands palmed her, fingers brushing over or pinching her nipples, she couldn't help but moan and writhe beneath him. And when she felt the damp heat of his mouth, his wet tongue stroking, the suction, his teeth nibbling and biting, all she could do was scream.

“Quiet, you'll scare the horses,” he mumbled against her skin as she floated down from one of those intense explosions. A part of her wanted to chide him for the clearly audible smirk in his voice, but the by far bigger part didn't care.

“Y-your fault,” she panted, chest heaving. “Freya, how are you doing this? How… what…” she broke off when her words kept incoherently tumbling out of her mouth. She needed better words!

Hiccup, the intensity of his touches not dwindling in the slightest, chuckled. “It… has many names. But the most common would be an ‘orgasm’. Or a climax. Or I’ve even heard ‘little death’ for the really good ones that just knock you flat. And as for how… I'm amazed myself how… responsive you are.” He lowered his head, and drew another loud moan out of her by ardently playing her nipple with his tongue. “Seriously, I could do this all day and never get bored.”

“Uhh uh…” Astrid made, already feeling the tingles of another orgasm, as Hiccup had called it, pooling in her belly when his hand wandered down her body and beneath her skirts. Clutching at his shoulders in a desperate attempt to anchor herself was all she could do when his hand between her thighs stroked that fire within her once more. It took only a few minutes until a second orgasm wrecked her body, leaving her stunned and trembling, unable to comprehend much beside Hiccup placing soft kisses all over her skin.

“Gods, you’re so beautiful like this,” he whispered, his voice low and rough. “As if you were glowing…”

His breath tickled, making her giggle giddily, and she reached out with weak arms to pull him up and into a kiss. He complied easily and eagerly, his unusual intensity still not dulling in the slightest. Astrid wouldn’t complain, she loved how tactile he was, how his hands – his whole body, really – wouldn’t stop moving, exploring. It made her want to do the same, to feel him.

Barely ever stopping kissing him, she managed to get Hiccup out of his tunic, with his cloak, vest, and shoes having already been shed. It didn’t take much for her to get over her initial hesitation, to explore him with the same eagerness he showed, hands running over muscles and scars, gripping and stroking. Their kisses grew more heated and distracted, and everything around them seemed to fade away. There was nothing else anymore, nothing but him. And she wanted all of him.

Humming against his lips, she led her hand glide down his front, over his stomach, until she felt rough fabric. There was a last spark of shyness, but she quickly brushed it aside. This was Hiccup, and there was no reason to ever be shy or hesitant with him. She wanted to move on, to feel him, this last part of him she didn’t really know at all. She wasn’t even sure what she’d planned, whether she wanted to feel him through the fabric of his trousers, more aware of the sensation than when they were making out, or whether she wanted to let her hand slide beneath the fabric, to feel hot skin and more, things she barely knew anything about.

But before she could do either, his hand was around her wrist. With an almost pained groan and a shake of his head, he pulled her hand away, his fingers entangled with hers as he resumed kissing her with renewed vigour. The way he moved, grinding against her, and his groans and grunts quickly distracted her from wondering again. It all simply felt too good to bother, to think, and all she wanted was to follow where he led her. Especially when it made her body throb so wonderfully, made tension coil tight before it burst and washed through her in thrilling waves. It felt as if she could never get enough.

“Oh, f– A-astrid!”

She barely registered Hiccup’s muffled groan against her shoulder or how his body coiled tightly only to shudder and shake a second later. In fact, she didn’t register anything, basking in an incredible rush that left her dizzy, until Hiccup slumped down onto the straw next to her. Right now, she could completely understand that ‘little death’ nickname for this feeling. He was panting, his eyes on her still dazed as he reached out to brush her sweaty fringes out of her face.

“I still have no idea what I ever did to deserve this – to deserve you,” he mumbled, voice slurring heavily.

Astrid wanted to reply that it was the same the other way around, but when she finally managed to make her eyes focus on him, he seemed to be half-asleep already. Well, the last couple of days had been busy, it was late, and he wasn’t exactly sober anyway.

For a few minutes, she just watched him with a lazy smile on her lips. He looked beautiful, so peaceful and relaxed, the corners of his mouth tugged up in the slightest of smiled. And yet…

And yet, there had been something earlier, something that bothered her more the more she thought about it. Slowly, her smile faded into a frown. Why had he done that, not just tonight but last night, too? Everything else had been wonderful, perfect even, but this…

For some while, she went through one possible explanation after the other in her mind, not really liking any of them. And it was futile anyway. She should simply ask Hiccup what that had been about, hoping that the explanation wouldn’t be–

No, none of that anymore, she chided herself. She needed to ask Hiccup, everything else wouldn’t get her anywhere. But gazing at his sleeping face, she had to acknowledge that now clearly was not the right time to do so.

With a sigh and a slight grimace, she pushed all these confusing thoughts aside in favour of getting at least a little sleep tonight, reached for the blanket behind Hiccup to cover them both, and then snuggled against his warm chest. Tomorrow, she thought to herself. Tomorrow, I will ask him. Whenever I get the chance...

. o O o .

Fighting to keep a pained groan inside, Hiccup reached up to rub his temples and simultaneously cover his eyes from the ray of sunlight which was breaking through the clouds occasionally. Being here as part of the farewell-party for the Crown Prince was an honour, even with the official explanation simply being that he was bringing Trample, and he didn't intend to embarrass himself by letting his hangover show too much. He knew that Daniel wasn't feeling any better, but the Prince somehow managed to appear composed, so Hiccup could do the same.

And appearing composed was important in more than one regard anyway. After their fun night out last night, Hiccup was confident again that it was more than just this official reason that allowed him to be here. But it was still an official occasion – and the last one where Daniel could notice anything, no less – so Hiccup made an effort not to even look at Astrid. But he still couldn’t help but listen.

“Promise me to be careful, okay?” Astrid’s voice as she tightly hugged her brother easily reached Hiccup’s ears where he stood next to Eret, even with how low and muffled it was.

“I’m always careful,” Daniel replied, smiling encouragingly at his sister as he retreated. “You’ll see, I’ll be back before you even noticed I was gone.” Something in Daniel’s voice sounded off as he said that, but Hiccup had no time to pin down what exactly it was. It might just be him being tired anyway.

“I certainly hope so,” Dagur chimed in, his trademark grin plain across his face. Nothing seemed to be able to dull his bright mood, not even one of his friends heading off into a war zone. “Because it’s all getting real now, you know? And I can’t wait to be a part of it all this summer. Thor, it feels like forever until then!”

Daniel grimaced slightly, but didn’t comment further. He accepted Dagur’s goodbye hug with something of a forced smile, then turned to Eret. As they hugged too, Hiccup heard murmured words he wasn’t sure he was supposed to hear.

“Promise me to keep an eye on her for me.”

“I always will,” Eret replied, voice equally low. “Don’t worry. As long as we stay here, nothing will happen to her.”

Again, Hiccup noticed a grimace crossing Daniel’s face, but it was gone in the blink of an eye. He just nodded, lips tight, then turned toward Hiccup. Giving him a hug too seemed inappropriate, and with him holding Trample it wasn’t practical anyway, so Hiccup simply reached out to shake Daniel’s hand. He was relieved when Daniel returned both the gesture and his honest smile. Apparently, all his worries from the night of the grand blot had been for nothing after all – at least in regards to their friendship. “Have a good journey,” he said. “And good luck with Redpeak. I hope it all works as planned.”

Hiccup wasn’t sure how, but that seemed to have been the wrong thing to say. Daniel winced, confusing Hiccup with a strange look and a slight shaking of his head, but it was too late to take his words back.

“Redpeak?” Eret inquired, clearly surprised. “That again? I thought you couldn’t go to Redpeak this winter.”

Hiccup threw Eret a confused look. He and Daniel had talked about little else lately, including planning the last details last night in the tavern. Where else was Daniel supposed to go? “Why shouldn’t he?” he asked, clearly puzzled, then turned back to Daniel. “I thought it was your plan to get it usable for this summer? Wasn’t that why you asked to pin down which alterations would be manageable in the short time?”

Now it was on Eret to look confused, and even Dagur leaned in. “But… weren’t you lamenting about how you won’t be able to work on Redpeak only one week ago?” Dagur asked. “I clearly remember it. It was my accolade, and…”

“And you said you can’t change the plans anymore,” Eret added, nodding. “Something about logistics, and basic material already being on its way?”

Dagur nodded, too. “And that Uncle Spite would skin you alive if you postponed the repairs to his outposts. I mean, I remember how desperately you wanted to change your plans, but I didn’t think you’d be willing to risk that.”

Eret grunted in agreement, and all three of them gave Daniel confused looks.

“Erm…” the Prince made, biting his lip. He shifted his weight from one foot to the other, clearly uncomfortable, but then nodded. “You’re right, all of you,” he sighed, shoulders slumping a bit. “It’s just… something else came up, something… important. I don’t have as much time as originally planned after all, so going to Redpeak instead became more sensible, as it’s much closer to the city of Westhill than Loki’s Teeth.”

“Something so important that you can risk aggravating Uncle Spite?” Eret asked with a raised eyebrow. “That’s got to be quite something. Is it something you can tell us?”

Daniel looked definitely pained now as he shook his head. “No, I can’t tell you. Not yet. But you’ll learn about it soon enough, don’t worry.” He sighed again. “All I can tell you is… well, let’s just say I highly expect to see you all again long before summer, before you all return home even.”

“So, you’ll be here for Swanja’s birthday?” Eret asked, clearly surprised. “That’s new.”

It was a reasonable question, Hiccup supposed. He already knew that Astrid’s birthday at the end of the winter usually marked the day House Jag’r’s herd returned to Eastervale. It was a day he dreaded, knowing it would be the last before they had to part. But he also knew that the Princess's birthday wasn’t an important enough occasion for Daniel to interrupt his campaign preparations. Or, usually not, at least.

But against his expectations, Daniel shook his head. “No, I won’t be back by then. But I’ll be back not long afterwards. There’s–” He glanced to the side, and abruptly interrupted whatever he’d meant to say. “Uh, where is Swanja?”

Upon his question, they all turned as well to where Astrid stood behind Dagur. Or at least where she had stood until a minute ago. Now, the space was blatantly empty, and Hiccup wondered how he’d missed her leaving. Sure, he was tired and hungover and had actively tried to not overly pay attention to her. But apparently, that had worked better than he'd expected.

“Uh, I don’t know. She’d been here just now, hadn’t she?” Dagur looked utterly confused, and Hiccup had to bite back laughter at the sight. Astrid’s disappearance could be alarming, but he actually wasn’t worried. Not really.

And as if he’d been able to read his thoughts, Eret snorted in amusement. Or maybe it was just that he, too, knew Astrid well enough. “Well, if she managed to slip away, there’s only one place where she’d go. We’ll pick her up once you're gone and make sure she's all right. Don’t worry, we'll keep an eye on her.” The last words were clearly directed at Daniel who nodded gratefully.

“Thanks, Eret. I know I can count on you.”

. o O o .

Hiccup couldn’t really complain about the company, he mused as Eret and Dagur accompanied him back toward the stables. It was only logical that Astrid would go there when she got the chance. According to Eret that was what she always did, and Hiccup supposed he was right. It had been what had let to their first meeting, after all.

Besides, spending time with these two was always fun, and even with knowing where Daniel was heading, their mood wasn't down in any way. The area around Westhill and the Western Mountain Range was undeniably a war zone, but Daniel had the best protection imaginable, and winter wasn’t exactly the time where the Malarians – used to their warmer climate in the West – were most active anyway.

So it wasn’t really surprising that they were in a high spirit, possibly even more light-hearted than they had been during the past days. Because now, there was nobody around anymore from who they had to hide. It was a bit strange though, he mused as he walked ahead of the other two and tried not to be too obtrusive. They had to hide their relationship just like he and Astrid did, but for other reasons and with very different perspectives for their future. Right now, he felt a little jealous at how freely they bantered, their comments much more telling then they had been with the prince around. It stung that, even with Daniel gone, it wouldn’t be possible for him and Astrid to do the same. But on the other hand, he also couldn’t really begrudge them their time, limited as it was. At least he knew that his fate, ordained by the gods, was far better than what theirs would be. So Hiccup kept himself entertained with thoughts of their future, by remembering the images he’d seen of Astrid standing in the doorway to their home and with their son in her arms. Someday, he reminded himself. Someday, that image will become the truth. The thought brought a smile to his lips. A smile that vanished when he entered the stables.

Astrid was nowhere to be seen, but he knew by now that didn’t have to mean she wasn’t here. His eyes directly flickered to the end of the corridor, and, just like last night, he noticed that the door to his stall stood slightly ajar – despite him knowing that he’d closed it properly. His heart skipped a beat before it began to pound hard in his chest. Last night, Eret and Dagur had only been here to make sure he got here. Eret had been worried, but it also had been relatively easy to persuade him to leave. Now, however? Now, they were here to search for Astrid. If she'd just been here, for Markor or to wait for them, that wouldn't have been a problem. But if she was in his stall, that meant it was on Hiccup to make sure they wouldn’t find her.

“Milady Astrid?” he called, loud. “Are you here? We’re all looking for you.” He could only hope that would be enough of a warning, enough for her to not come out of his stall and make Eret and Dagur wonder why she’d been in there in the first place. And to his relief, everything stayed quiet.

“Huh, that’s strange,” Eret muttered, looking around the hall. “I would have vouched for her to be here.” He made a few more steps forward, before he called, “Swanja? Where are you?” But again, there was no answer.

Hiccup almost hoped Eret would leave it at that and go look someplace else, when instead he went on toward the stalls. For a moment, his blood ran cold, but he quickly caught himself again. He had to do something, or Eret would surely find her.

“Maybe she’s in the tack room?” he suggested, words directed at Dagur who nodded.

“I’ll take a look,” he said, and left for the door to the attached room.

Hiccup quickly hurried forward to where Eret was peering into Markor’s stall right now.

“Well, she’s not in here either,” Eret stated needlessly, a clear frown on his face now. “I really could have sworn…”

“Maybe in one of the other stalls,” Hiccup suggested, making a snap decision at that moment. It was bold, but certainly better than to have Eret look everywhere on his own. He stepped toward the next stall on this side of the stables, Cassie’s, even as he was still turned toward Eret. “Let’s have a look; I’ll take this side and you the other one?” He indicated to the other row of stalls, where Hunter, Crusher, and Chomp were housed. Yes, bold indeed. What if Eret instead stayed on this side, to search Squish’s stall and the empty stalls in-between? Hiccup would be too far away to intervene, to maybe stand in the way so Eret wouldn’t spot her or to insist upon searching his sleeping stall at the end of the row himself. What if–

“All right.” Eret nodded, turned to hurry over to the other side, and Hiccup bit his lip, painfully, to keep a relieved gasp from escaping him. He was keenly aware that the danger of them practically catching her in his bed wasn’t fully averted yet, but at least it wasn’t as immediate anymore either.

They went on in silence until Dagur returned from the tack room. “I’ve searched the entire thing, even looked behind shelves and everywhere. Swanja isn’t in there.”

“And she’s not here either,” Eret replied tensely as he closed the door to the last stall in his row. “Hiccup?”

Hiccup could see part of Astrid’s dress peeking out from behind the straw bale where she was hiding. “No, nothing,” he called back, firmly closed the door to his stall, and, after giving himself a second to compose his face, turned toward the other two.

Dagur gave him an amused look. “Did you expect Swanja to be in there?” he asked, nodding at his stall behind him. It was obviously meant to tease him, and luckily, Hiccup didn’t need to pretend anything to react appropriately flustered.

“Well, I don’t know,” he said, blushing. “I mean, maybe she was tired and didn’t want to go back to the castle to do whatever is on her plan for today? There is a bed in there after all, and…” he trailed off, swallowing whatever other nonsense he could blurt out. “Anyway, it looks like she’s not here after all.” He was a bad liar, and he knew that. People had told him so on several occasions. All he could do was hope that this time would be different. That they would believe him.

Eret frowned, but then nodded. “All right. Maybe she knew we would look for her here first. I mean, I don’t know why she felt the need to run off, but it’s obvious that she doesn’t want to be found easily.” He sighed, then grimaced. “But we have to find her. I promised Daniel to keep an eye on her. I mean, I know she can take care of herself, but...” He trailed off, and rubbed his tattooed chin in thought.

“I know what you mean,” Dagur sighed. “She hasn’t really been herself lately.”

Hiccup rubbed the back of his neck in an attempt to appear unperturbed. He felt bad for lying to them, and even worse for leaving them worried; they meant well, after all. But even if he told them where she was, there was no way he could explain why he’d lied in the first place. Besides, Astrid hadn’t wanted them to find her, and he respected that. So he stayed silent.

“Okay, let’s see if we can find her anywhere else,” Eret eventually resigned. “Maybe she went for a walk in the forest, or sits at the swan lake. Or she might be visiting Fishlegs and Heather.”

“I hope not,” Dagur muttered. “I could go without the icy glares Heather gives me lately.”

Nodding, Eret laid his hand on Dagur’s upper arm in a comforting gesture. “I’m sure she’ll come around. But maybe we don’t need to even go there.” He turned toward the exit, but then paused to look at Hiccup. “Are you coming too?”

Hesitantly, Hiccup shook his head. “No. You know better where she might be, and I could only follow you anyway; I’d just get lost if I were to search the castle and its grounds on my own. I’ll stay here in case she shows up after all. Tend to the horses…” He shrugged. Again he hoped that the lie wasn’t too noticeable on his face.  

Apparently, it wasn’t. Eret nodded in agreement, and after they’d left the stables and the door closed behind them, he let out a heavy sigh of relief. Gods, he couldn’t wait until they wouldn’t have to hide anymore…

He wasn’t surprised at all when, upon turning away from the stable’s entry, he found that Astrid had already left his stall. He had to be more smashed than he’d thought, as he hadn’t even heard the door. What surprised him, however, was that she stood a few steps away from him. His first instinct was to go to her and take her into his arms, but there was something in her expression that kept him from doing so. It also explained why she’d come and hidden here in the first place. It seemed as if she had more on her mind than simply already missing him.

“Hey,” he began, unsure what else to say. His mind still felt sluggish. “That was… pretty risky.”

Astrid, however, didn’t say anything and just nodded. She bit her lip, obviously chewing something over in her mind, so Hiccup decided to just keep on talking until she’d made up her mind about what was bothering her.

“I mean, what if Eret had seen you? Sure, Daniel isn’t here anymore, but I didn’t get the impression that telling Eret or Dagur was what you wanted either. And surely you knew they’d come here first. I mean, not that I’m complaining. I love to have you here, and–”

“Do you?”

Hiccup broke off, and gave her an incredulous look. Where was that coming from? Scouring his mind for what he might have done to make her doubt him and coming up empty-handed, he couldn’t help but make a hesitant step toward her. “What? Of course I do!” Gods, his mind was too slow, he shouldn’t have drunk anything last night.

Astrid looked at him for a moment longer. Then she moved toward him, oddly hesitant, and stretched to brush her lips over his. Hiccup still had no idea what to make of her behaviour, so he just went along, returned her kiss and pulled her closer when she pressed for more contact. It felt wonderful, right and perfect, just like always – except that Astrid still seemed strangely tense. Or maybe he was just imagining things? His mind really wasn’t as quick as it usually was. Eventually, he gave up pondering, and pushed all distracting thoughts aside. Astrid wasn’t afraid to speak her mind, so if something bothered her, she surely would say so.

With a low moan, he gave in completely, letting her take the lead to wherever she wanted to go, returned her kisses and let his hands roam over her body when hers did the same. Gods, he loved the feeling of her small but sure hands on his skin, the light scraping of her fingernails over his abdomen, tickling, teasing, wandering further and further down until–

Grunting, Hiccup’s hand shot down to catch hers as she was about to loosen the cords on his trousers. Freya, just the light brush of her hand over his bulge had already felt amazing! But this… this was the one line he wouldn’t… couldn’t cross, the one rule he couldn’t break.

Caught between wanting to let her continue and reasoning why he couldn’t, it took Hiccup a moment to realise that Astrid had pulled back from him. But when he did, he spotted a pained expression on her face, just before she turned away from him, arms defensively crossed in front of her.

“I-I think I should go,” she mumbled, making a hesitant step away from him. “Eret and Dagur might be back any moment or… or…” she trailed off, and Hiccup could imagine all too well how she would bite her lip right now, even as he couldn’t see it.

“Astrid, wait,” he said, not really knowing what else to say. What had just happened? “What...” He reached out for her, but dropped his hand again before he could touch her. Somehow, she seemed to need space right now, even though he honestly couldn’t say why. “Why are you so upset? Did… did I do something wrong?”

For a minute, Hiccup thought she wouldn’t answer. She just stood there, back toward him and arms so tightly wrapped around herself that it looked as if she was actively trying to hold herself together. When she eventually began to speak though, her words didn’t make much sense to him at first.

“No, you didn’t,” she whispered. “It’s just… I love it when you touch me. It’s… indescribable. I want to feel you, everywhere and all the time. I can’t get enough.”

Despite the weird tension between them, a smile was tugging at Hiccup’s lips. He’d hoped that she would enjoy their physical contact and was thriving on it when she reacted like last night, but actually hearing her say it was a welcome reassurance. However, her words certainly didn’t explain her behaviour. “And… that’s bad?” he asked carefully.

Astrid shook her head, still not looking at him. “No, it’s not. It’s just… I-I want to… to make you feel the same,” she eventually burst out. She sounded strange, vulnerable. “I mean, I know I have no experience. This… it’s all so new and confusing, and I don’t know how any of this works. All I know is that you make me feel so amazing, and I just want to return that feeling. Unless… unless you don’t want me to. If you don’t want me, then…” she broke off as her voice grew more brittle with every word.

At first, Hiccup could do little else but dumbfoundedly gape at her. She thought he wouldn’t want her? That was… ridiculous! “Whether I…” he began, bewildered. “What gave you that idea? That’s completely–”

“Then why won’t you let me touch you?” she interrupted him, sounding even more vulnerable than before. “I know that I’m not any good, but I’m willing to learn. I just…” She shrugged awkwardly with her arms still wrapped around herself.

“You think...” he whispered, unsure whether she could even hear him. Was she serious? She thought that he didn’t want her to touch him? Feverishly, he tried to come up with a way to explain, to make her understand, but he could only come up with one sensible solution. It was still a stupid one, one he shouldn’t pick. Because he wanted her too much. But Astrid was hurting over this misunderstanding, and if that was the only way to explain himself…

With two quick steps, Hiccup approached her and took her into a tight embrace. So far, he’d always tried to be as careful as possible with what exactly he let her feel of his body, both because he hadn’t wanted to spook her and because he already wanted her more than was good for him, even without her body pressing and rubbing against his cock with every other movement.

But this time was different. This time, he deliberately pressed his crotch against her back, letting her feel just how much he wanted her. The unexpected contact made him twitch in eager anticipation, something Astrid apparently felt too, judging by her hiccupy intake of breath.

However, he didn’t want to upset her further, in any way. “Silly woman,” he murmured softly against her neck. “Of course I want you. Gods, Astrid, you have no idea just how... appealing you are to me.” He paused, trying to think of how to explain himself. “I… don’t know what exactly the Temple taught you, but–”

With a harsh snort, she bit out, “Assume that they taught me nothing!”

Hiccup blinked at her tone; he’d heard her annoyed, even angry, but that sounded like ages of frustration finding a target. However, as she settled back against him, she felt less tense, so that was good. It meant she wasn’t angry – or at least not angry at him!

Swallowing against the heat coursing through his body, Hiccup nodded against her hair. “Do you feel this?” he asked in a rough voice as he pressed himself a little closer, the friction making him twitch again. Astrid nodded. “When they're aroused, men get… hard. And that's what you can feel right now, me being aroused beyond being able to make sensible decisions.” He chuckled shakily. “And it's all because of you. You ask whether I even want you to touch me? Freya, yes, I want that. More than you can imagine.” Oh, yes, this hadn't been a wise idea, Hiccup thought as a shudder ran through his body. Gods, he wanted her so much… And Astrid shifting in his arms and further rubbing against him didn't exactly help either.

“Then… why won't you let me?” she asked again in a small voice, at complete odds with her tone a moment before.

Gasping out another desperate laugh, Hiccup let his forehead drop until it rested on her shoulder. “Because I don’t trust myself,” he mumbled, the embarrassing truth of those words making him glad that she wasn’t looking at him right now. “We both know that we can’t have sex just yet, but I fear that… that if we get to close, neither of us will be able or willing to stop. So it is my responsibility to make sure. And this is the rule I gave myself; that I would always keep my trousers on around you. If I don’t take them off, nothing can happen.”

In his arms, Astrid noticeably relaxed, further leaning into his embrace. “I wish you’d told me about that,” she breathed, laughing nervously. “That would have saved me quite a few hours of distress. Or the whole charade of sneaking away and hiding here, for that matter.”

“I’m sorry,” Hiccup murmured, gulping. “I know it’s my task to explain everything to you, but I’m not really doing a good job, am I? I… I’m just trying to go slowly, to not overwhelm you. There are many things we haven’t talked about yet, but I thought we would do so when they come up. But be assured, me holding back has nothing to do with not wanting you. Gods, Astrid, the things I want to do…” Hiccup trailed off, his whole body trembling with just thinking about the options. Those would be two horribly long years…

“What would you want to do?”

Distracted as he was by the images in his head, Astrid’s question caught him a little off guard. “Excuse me?”

She hesitated, then wiggled in his arms until she’d turned around to face him. There was a mix of curiosity, excitement, and anticipation gleaming in her eyes, and Hiccup already knew that it would be tough to turn down whatever she wanted. “If we could do whatever we want to… what would you do? Right now, I mean. Can you tell me? Or show me?”

“Astrid…” he began, pained, but she didn’t even let him really start his complaint.

“I get that restriction, that rule you put up, and I respect it,” she said, smiling up at him so prettily that Hiccup felt like he could fall in love with her all over again. “But I’m so curious, want to know how it all works.” She shrugged. “So I thought, maybe at least talking about it is okay?”

Hiccup bit back something like a desperate groan. Simply talking could already be enough to make him combust and soil yet another pair of trousers. But she had a point, and not talking would only cause more confusion. “You’re right,” he said in a low voice, nodding. He took a minute to think, but then decided he just as well could stop minding having to wash his clothes more regularly. This was all they could do for now, so they better made the best of it as long as they had the time.

More content now with their situation, Hiccup somewhat regained his confidence. “You want to know what I’d like to do if we could?” he asked in a rough voice.

Astrid, who apparently had noticed the change in him, just nodded mutely, eyes shining brightly.

He moved, gently guiding Astrid backwards until she hit a pile of neatly stacked straw bales. Fighting down a last flicker of nerves, he lifted her so that she sat on those bales, at just the right height. “If we could,” he murmured, his hands sliding down her legs to hoist up her skirts. “Then I’d like to take you like this.” His eyes never left hers as he stepped between her parted legs, always looking for a hint of uneasiness or discomfort. But there was nothing the like, only joyful anticipation. He made another step so that their bodies touched, his bulge against her crotch. Even through their clothes, he could feel her heat, could tell by the slide that she was wet, aroused. It made the heat inside himself burn even hotter; having blood in his head to help him think was not a priority anymore.

“If you’d let me, if it were possible,” he went on, hands gliding around to settle on her hips. “Then I’d push into you now, slow and deep, savouring.” He pressed himself closer against her which drew a beautiful little gasp from her. The sound made him buck forward, making her yelp in return and left them both gazing at each other through dazed eyes. He bucked again, deliberate now, and Astrid’s moan was almost enough to undo him on the spot.

“I would want you to feel me,” he muttered in-between panted breaths as he kept moving back and forth. “And to feel you in return, your tight heat. I want to hear you, want to taste you.” He leaned in to dip his tongue into her mouth, even as they were both too distracted to kiss properly. Astrid’s hands were on his shoulders now, clutching, pulling him closer.

Hiccup let his head drop to her shoulder as he increased the pace of his movements. One arm was around her waist, the other around her back, holding her tight as he kept grinding their bodies together, her sweet moans in his ear. “I want to mark you,” he mumbled against the bare skin of her shoulder. “And to be marked by you. I want to be one with you in every possible way. Gods, I love you, Astrid. And the day you become my wife will be the happiest day of my life.”

Astrid’s response was little more than a string of whimpers, gasps, and moans. He could tell that she was moving with him by instinct, intensifying the friction even more, and he knew that, if someone were to come in now, he couldn’t have cared less in that moment. All that mattered was Astrid, how she clutched him tightly, rutting against him until the most sinful of moans left her. Her orgasms were always beautiful, thrilling, the way she shook as pleasure consumed her. And just like last night, it was more than enough to let him tip over the edge as well. Muffling his desperate howl against her skin, he came, shuddering, pressed against Astrid as tightly as possible.

His mind had barely begun to work again, when her trembling laughter reached his ears. “Mmmh, yeah,” she hummed. “I can’t wait for when we can do this for real either.”

Hiccup couldn’t help but laugh, free and liberated, and it only took a second or three until Astrid chimed in as well. Gods, how was it possible that he was allowed to be with her?

. o O o .

Feeling much lighter than she had this morning, Astrid left the stables a few hours after she’d hidden herself there. When she reached the top of the small hill, she couldn’t help but turn to look back one last time. But just as they’d agreed upon, the doors were already closed, Hiccup not standing there to gaze after her.

It was a miracle that nobody had barged in on them, all things considered; they couldn’t risk blowing their cover now just by prolonging their farewell. It wasn’t for long anyway; she’d be back in a few hours. The thought made her smile, despite the prospect of being found by Eret or Dagur at any moment, and of getting scolded by a whole lot of people for sneaking away.

But it had been worth it. After last night, when even in his drunk eagerness Hiccup hadn’t let her touch him, she’d felt so confused, conflicted. It wasn’t that she’d really doubted Hiccup’s feelings for her… But she had wondered, had feared what his reluctance could mean. She’d wanted to give him everything, but hadn’t been sure whether that would be enough.

Now though? Now, she was appeased. Hiccup’s explanation had been logical and practical, enough to make her see reason too while at the same time letting every single one of her troubled thoughts evaporate. But it was even more than just that. She’d learned another lesson today; the lesson that she could ask Hiccup everything. And she would. They only had a few weeks left, but she intended to get as much out of those as possible, to spend every moment she could with him and to learn whatever she could.

“Thank Odin, there you are!” called suddenly a voice from behind her, and Astrid turned to give Eret a sheepish smile. “We’ve been looking for you forever. Where have you been?”

Astrid shrugged nonchalantly. “Oh, I’ve been just walking around in the woods,” she said matter-of-factly. She’d already planned ahead what she would tell him after all, had even taken a large detour on her way back to the castle to hide where she’d actually been. “The moment I return to the castle, my governess regains control over my life again, and I wanted to avoid that as long as possible.”

“Yeah, I thought so,” Eret sighed, and she could tell by the grimace on his face that he didn’t really blame her for sneaking away. “And I understand. But I’d still prefer if someone knows where you are if you need to hide. You know I’d even cover for you, right?”

“Thanks, Eret.” The smile she gave him, though be it an honest one, still felt like a lie. She believed him; he would cover for her, had already done so in previous years. He was trustworthy, more so than almost everybody else she knew. And yet, she couldn’t let him know the truth. She wasn’t even sure whether he would actually betray her trust when it came to her relationship with Hiccup. But if she told him her secret, she would effectively force him to lie to Daniel when they met come summer, and that was a burden she didn’t want to place on her friend. So she just wound her arm through his in a familiar gesture as they walked back toward the castle. “I appreciate the offer, and maybe I’ll even take you up on it. But for today, I think my time is up.”

The walk back to the castle was filled with companionable silence, a last reprieve before life came crashing down on her again. But even having her governess scold her for her sudden absence wasn’t able to make her regret or feel bad in any way. Everything was worth it when it meant she could spend time with Hiccup.

The rest of the day went just as she’d expected. After the scolding came lessons, but in what Astrid couldn’t remember, her governess’s words not even registering in her mind. Eating dinner felt… different though. It wasn’t quiet or boring with the Grand Dukes, Eret and Dagur keeping her and her father company. But Daniel’s absence seemed to hover over her like a dark cloud. It wasn’t that she was worried for him, not really. But with him gone...   

At the end of the day, she let herself fall into the soft cushions of her bed, sighing deeply. It sounded theatrically, even to herself, even though it was only halfway exaggerated. Turning her head, she glanced at the wooden horse standing on her bedside table. Ruff had seen how it had been a part of her gifts and probably assumed it came from Eret – and Astrid hadn’t corrected her. It meant that Astrid had felt free to place the figurine into her bedchamber, that she now had a physical reminder of Hiccup right there next to her bed. Which was good.

Now that Daniel had left, her life would return to its usual routine of lessons in embroidery and etiquette, painting and socialising. Maybe she would be allowed a free afternoon with Eret and Dagur every now and then, but that would be it. It was a depressing prospect, and if it weren’t for the nights with Hiccup, she might have screamed.

But at least she had those nights – for now at least.

~ The End Of Part 2 ~

. o O o .

So, yeah... Again the reminder that this story will be on hiatus now until April 5th.

Next Chapter

[chibinekochan]

Dream chasers

Zen / Hyun x MC

Zen and MC are childhood friends.

When Zen decides to run away he takes MC with him.

How will this end and will get MC’s growing feelings for Zen become an issue for their friendship?

Read more to find out.

Notes:

It's all done but since it almost hit 6k I post it in parts.

I really hope you enjoy the ride.

 Request from @yukitopia

You always lived close to his family.

Your parents insisted on meeting Hyun at the beginning but it didn't take long for you to become friends with Hyun.

He is older than you but that didn't bother either of you.

Especially when you found out that he shares your love for singing.

You spend hours with him singing and pretending to be on stage.

You always had to hide it from everyone, your parents are just as strict as Hyun’s. Nobody could find out it was your little secret and you protect each other.

It didn't take long until you discovered musicals. Neither of you was allowed to even listen to them. Still, you both saved up your allowance to see a show.

It was a small production but it was mind-blowing to you.

At that evening you decided that you want to be on stage.

You really got fired up about it and Hyun also got affected by it.

Things changed over time, your situation got worse and Hyun couldn't stand living with his parents anymore.

He had become a real troublemaker, you only could meet in secret. Hyun kept you from his friends, he told you that they are a bad influence. You were still drawn to the sense of freedom they gave you. And hanging out with them was the only way you could even see him anymore.

Hyun has distanced himself from you, what really hurts.

Almost more than the fact that you are his ‘little girl’. Like you are his little sister.

It wasn't bad when you were still small, you called him your big brother back then too.  Things changed when you got older. You don't feel like a child anymore and you not want Hyun to see you like one.

You didn't even know what this meant until he started dating a girl. She was older and he called her ‘mature’, whatever that means.

It only lasted a week but in the end, you had realized that you really have fallen for Hyun.

It was a painful realization. You arranged yourself with it somehow. You were his little girl and there was really nothing that would change that.

It was one of those days, you just couldn't go home.

That is when you see Hyun, with a packed bag.

“Hyun what are you up to?”

“Nothing don't worry.”

“I know you better than anyone so don't lie to me.”

“Fine, I ran away from home. I just really couldn't stand it. I really tried, you know I did… but even my brother doesn't believe in me. I'm done with it.”

“That sounds bad. What are you going to do?”

“I will sleep with a friend for a few days. Then I will figure something out.”

“At least you have a place to stay. You will need a job or something.”

“I know I will look around. Maybe I find a place that doesn't look for my parents okay. I will also work on getting a job as an actor, maybe I will sing somewhere for money.”

“It will be really tough for you. Please keep in contact with me. Otherwise, I can't sleep.”

“Fine, I can't start worrying the little lady after all.”

Hyun ruffles your hair.

“Hey, I'm not little and I really care about you.”

“I know MC, I'm only teasing you. Will you be okay without me?”

“I will try…”

“That bad hm? What have they done this time?”

“You know how they are… they want to send me to some elite school in Switzerland... I honestly don't know what to do…”

“That bad… why didn't you tell me anything?”

“You had enough stuff to deal with. At this rate, I won't ever make my dream come true. I'm sure they already planned who I marry. I just can't stand it anymore.”

“I'm sure you can make it true. You are really talented.”

“I don't know Hyun… right now I just want to get away from everything.”

“MC please don't say that. You know I'm here for you.”

“They already packed everything… I saw them...if they send me there then I won't be able to return… I will never see you again.”

You feel like hot tears are building in your eyes.

“I had no idea it was this urgent… you can't stay where with me... He is a good guy but… hold on, I can call a girl I know. She will let you stay. Then we will figure something out.”

“Are you sure? I really don't want to burden you.”

Hyun looks you deep in the eyes.

“I really don't want you to lose your dream. I promised that we will be on the same stage one day. I will not go back on that. I also don't want to lose you.”

“Really? Are you serious about that?”

You feel like he might finally understand your feelings.

“Of course, you are my baby after all.”

You knew that this would happen, you must really be an idiot to get your hopes up.

“I feel like I told you a million times to not call me that anymore…”

“Ah come on it's cute. Let me call now. Oh, take my jacket it's cold.”

“Thank you, Hyun.”

“I'm not cold, so it's no deal.”

“I mean for everything.”

“MC you know that you mean everything to me, you are like a sister to me. I will do everything for you.”

You know Hyun doesn't mean it bad but it still really hurts.

Hyun calls his friend and you can stay there.

Sometime later Hyun gets a job. You want to help him too and find a small job at a place where you worked a summer.

Your parents thought it would be a good life lesson.

Hyun finds you a cheap space to life and with some advance payment from his work he can rent it.

It's not easy but you both work to get closer to your dream.

“Hey MC, I got some great news. I just got a place to sleep for us. The rent is cheap and it's okay when you just pretend that you are my relative. I will sleep on a mattress for now but you have a bed.”

“That's great. I guess since you already have a bed for me I can't say no.”

“Exactly. You can't just stay with that girl forever. She is a bad influence.”

“What do you mean? She is nice.”

“I'm not saying she isn't but did you look at your clothes lately? And I won't even start with the hair.”

“I think it looks good. She told me I look more mature and you are not my mother.”

“I feel like it's not really you but we can talk about that later. I will send you the address. Don't forget you are my cousin.”

“Alright. I will get something to eat. Do we have a stove?”

“We have a water-cooker.”

“I see then cup noodles for today.”

“Yeah, we buy a few things tomorrow.”

You move in with Hyun but nothing between you changes.

It's really irritating to you. Especially when he acts like your older brother.

You can't even do any auditions since you are too young.

It's frustrating, especially when Hyun gets his first role.

You are happy for him but you feel like he's getting farther away from you.

He now goes by the name Zen, what only makes this distance more painful.

You don't want to feel this way and you try to put distance between you.

You hang around with your old friends, they at least treat you like an adult.

Hyun really doesn't like that at all. These guys are no good in his opinion.

Hyun is also really unhappy that you had to drop out of school. He dropped so early but it's ten times worse for you.

“MC, we really have to talk about your future. I mean at least until you are a legal adult you should go back to school. There are ways to do it. I would even pay for it.”

“Why are you mention that now? Is it because I still hang around with them?”

“That is one reason but you really should go to school.”

“I know you don't like them but at least they don't treat me like a child and you dropped out too. I can still go to school at a later point when I actually can afford it.”

“I know I did but school really wasn't my thing...but you are much smarter than me.”

“I think I can decide that on my own. I'm not a child and you aren't my mother so stop pretending you are.”

“I know that but I only want the best for you MC. At least stop hanging around with those guys. They are no good. Especially those new guys.”

“They are my friends and unlike you, they don't pretend that they are my brother.”

“MC don't be so stubborn. You know how much I care about you.”

“Yeah, you care for me like I'm your sister and that is the issue.”

“But you are my baby.”

“I'm not your baby. I'm a woman and I want to be treated like that. I will go now, don't wait for me.”

You are about to storm out when Hyun blocks your way out.

You look angry at him.

“Get out of my way.”

“No, I won't let you go now. You are too mad. You will only do something stupid.”

“I do something stupid whenever I feel like it. You have no right to stop me.”

“I might not have the right to stop you but I'm still stronger than you are. So I will stop you anyways.”

“As soon as you step away from that door I will get out.”

“No, you won't.”

You never have seen Hyun like this. You have seen him angry but this is different. It feels like he is processed by something, you decide it's best to not fight against him. You are angry but Hyun looks serious.

“Fine, I will go to my room but I don't want to see you again today.”

“You can be mad at me all you want MC. I only do this because it's the best.”

You don't say anything to this. You feel like it's better to let him calm down.

~  see you in the next part and check my Masterlist out.

[sebs-pev-reviews]

Lacroix Nazare - A Rocketship for the Streets

Not interested in reading the entire review? That’s alright with me! Click “keep reading” and scroll all the way down. I’ve added a “tl;dr” section that wraps up everything discussed in this writeup. Enjoy!

Introduction Lacroix Boards Co. burst into the esk8 scene in 2018 with their Prototipo DSS60 and DSS50+ boards. These boards used large flexible decks, slick pneumatic tires, powerful motors, and trucks commonly used on mountainboards. These components came together to create a machine that took the esk8 community by storm. Lacroix’s Prototipo competed against offerings from Kaly.nyc and BajaBoards. Their second generation lineup -- the Jaws, Nazare, and Nazare Lonestar -- continue Lacroix’s heritage of speed, stability, and comfort. Let’s check it out.

User Experience Before I get into the user experience, let me clarify some things. The Jaws is Lacroix new entry-level board. Like its Prototipo predecessor, the Jaws uses MBS Matrix II trucks. It has a narrower deck (42in x 16in), smaller motors (2x 6374 190kv), and smaller battery (12s4p 726wh) than the larger Nazare and Nazare Lonestar. The Nazare -- which I will be reviewing today -- is Lacroix’s new mid-range board. It sports a wide deck (42in x 19in), beefy motors (2x 6389 190 kv), and a large battery (12s6p 1089wh). The only difference between the Nazare and the Nazare Lonestar -- Lacroix’s top-of-the-line board -- is the battery. Instead of the regular Nazare’s 12s6p battery, the Nazare Lonestar sports a ridiculous 12s12p 2178wh battery. Finally, you’ll see me talking about my other board -- a Boosted Dual+ V2 -- a lot in this review. The two are not intended to be compared, since they are completely different machines. I only mention my Boosted in order to convey the differences between typical longboard-style esk8s and the monster that is the Nazare. Now that that’s cleared up, let’s get into the review.

I pre-ordered my Lacroix Nazare on June 21, 2019 and received it on September 6, 2019. The first thing that stood out to me was the box. It was REALLY heavy. I dragged the box inside and tore open the packing tape. The unboxing was pretty standard: the board right on top with all the accessories on the side. I removed some cardboard pieces holding the board in place and then I tried lifting the board...emphasis on tried. According to the Lacroix website, the Nazare weighs a whopping 39 lbs. Compared to my Boosted Dual+ V2, which weights a measly 15 lbs., removing the Nazare from its box was a whole workout.

I decided to swap out the stock bushings for a looser setup, since you can’t tighten Lacroix proprietary “Hypertrucks” like you can with a standard longboard/skateboard truck. This turned out to be a terrible decision on my part. I took the Nazare out to San Francisco the next day for a proper field test. On my way up Twin Peaks, I went a bit too fast, wobbled out, and took a tumble. Luckily, it was only a few scrapes. Remember kids: thoroughly test out your hardware before you attempt to thrash it on a group ride!

I swapped back to the stock setup and all was well. It just took a bit of time to get used to it. Again, my previous board was a Boosted Dual+ V2, a board known for its snappy maneuverability. The Nazare was the complete opposite. Turning required me to put my entire body into it (whereas the Boosted could round a corner at the shift of a heel). However, the Nazare isn’t a last-mile commuter like the Boosted is. In the title of this review, I refer to the Nazare as a “rocketship for the streets”, and I stand by that.

The ride is on a whole other level. The flexible deck, made of Canadian maple and triaxial fiberglass, was nice and springy, but not too flexy that it was unstable at high speeds. The 8 in. Kenda tires ate up literally every imperfection in the roads. I could attack cracks, rumble strips, and speed bumps without worrying at all. Even though the Kenda tires are slick tires intended for street use, the Nazare is more than capable off-road. I’ve ridden the Nazare on everything from dirt paths to grass fields, and it has never failed me. I’ve lost traction a few times when rolling over wet grass, but these are slicks. Again, these tires aren’t even intended to be used off-road, yet they overachieve. All in all, the Lacroix is comfortable as hell. I’ve ridden 30 miles in one day during a group ride, and my legs weren’t sore at all. I’m sure I can roll over a small village and not even notice it.

The speed is absolutely bonkers. I have ran multiple speed tests around San Francisco, and the fastest I’ve been able to take it is 34.3 mph (GPS-confirmed by Ride). This speed was achieved with the stock 16T pulleys, tires inflated to 40 PSI, and a 150 lb. rider (me). Additionally, this speed was not recorded at 100% throttle AND was recorded on a slight incline. In short, it can go faster than 34.3 mph. On the Lacroix website, the Nazare’s top speed isn’t even listed. They only say that the top speed is “more than you need.” With a lighter rider and/or with the optional 17-20T pulleys, speeds of 40+ mph are certainly possible.

The entire Lacroix lineup is belt-driven. No hubs or gear drives here. While it may be disappointing to some that the second-generation boards are not gear driven, you need to understand that gear drives aren’t that big of a deal. There’s really no performance benefits if a company chooses gears over belts. Belt-driven boards are relatively easier to perform maintenance on. Additionally, they’re a tad more quiet than gear drives. All the boards I have owned thus far have been belt-driven, so I have no complaints here.

Besides some upgrades (discussed below) and the routine tire inflation, I haven’t needed to do any maintenance to my Nazare. I would share the mileage on my odometer, but my Nazare’s VESC -- a FOCBOX Unity -- is currently at the Lacroix HQ being fixed. I sent it in after my board randomly turned on and wouldn’t turn off. According to JF, a support associate from Lacroix, the problem likely stems from a faulty anti-spark switch. To be clear, the faulty anti-spark switch is not Lacroix’s fault. The VESC was manufactured by an Australian company called Enertion (before they abruptly shut down earlier this year). I know that my VESC is in good hands. After all, Lacroix is planning on working their own OWN VESC, the Stormcore 1000. I’m currently a beta-tester for the Stormcore iOS app (thanks Sophia!), and judging by the fact that the app works with my old Unity, it looks like the Lacroix team will be providing support for it for a long while.

Upgrades Besides the e621 and Hyena Agenda stickers, I have made two major upgrades to my Nazare. The first upgrade that I made was to the controller. The Jaws, Nazare, and Nazare Lonestar all use the same remote: a Flipsky VX1. If you aren’t familiar with the VX1, it is a pistol grip-style remote with a scroll wheel for a throttle. I noticed that my remote would sometimes drop out while at a stop. I also wasn’t too happy with the feel of the remote. I didn’t like the grip, the thumb wheel felt too light, and the whole thing felt like it would shatter after a small wipeout. So, I ditched it, opting for a Hoyt St. Midnight Puck (pictured below) instead. Now, it may seem counterintuitive to ditch a stock pistol grip remote for what looks like a literal hockey puck. All looks aside, the Hoyt Puck is actually very comfortable in the hand. It perfectly contours to my grip and the scroll wheel on it feels so much more solid than what is on the VX1. It has a nice heft to it, and I have never experienced a dropout with the Puck.

The second major upgrade I’ve made to my Nazare is swapping the headlight mounts. The two 2000 lumen headlights on the Nazare are AMAZING. They’re brighter than the headlights on my Prius and they make pedestrians hate me. What’s not so amazing are their mounts. They’re dinky plastic pieces that are prone to breaking if you overtighten the mounting screw too much. After one of my mounts broke, I decided to grab some CNC'd aluminum GoPro mounts off of Amazon (thank you to Fred Zhang from BAEsk8 for the recommendation!). They were pretty pricey at $20 for two mounts, but it came with the assurance that I’d never need to worry about a floppy headlight or a broken plastic mount again.

As I mentioned in the “user experience” section, I rock the 16T setup. I like the torque and I don’t think I’ll upgrade to the 18T anytime soon!

Expectations vs. Reality You know, I don’t even think the Nazare even needs this section. Its specs are already ludicrous.

Manufacturer claim: “more than you need” top speed Tested: 34.3 mph (8 in. Kenda slicks, 40 PSI, 16T pulleys, 150 lb. rider, can definitely go way faster)

Manufacturer claim: 25-32 miles Tested: I’ve gone on a 20 mile ride without needing to charge. I don’t remember just how much juice I had left when I ended the ride, but I know that I had a lot more juice left. Range anxiety disappears when you own a Nazare.

Manufacturer claim: can ride up 40% grade hills Tested: No data, but I have taken it up some pretty steep hills in San Francisco. I have no doubt about Lacroix’s claim to go up 40% grade hills. It can probably go up a vertical wall and I wouldn’t be surprised.

Gripes The gripes that I had with the remote and the plastic mounts were easily remediated when I swapped them out for better parts. Though, it would be nice if the aluminum headlight mounts and Hoyt remote came stock with the board. Seeing as the board has some amazing headlights, the lack of tail lights is disappointing. The board is stupid expensive (like, whole-summer-for-a-minimum-wage-worker expensive) and I wish there could be a few extra creature comforts, but oh well.  Finally, the deck of the Nazare is certainly a controversial topic. The deck (pictured below) features a deck with exposed carbon with light blue, dark blue, and red accents that would make a BMW fanboy proud. The griptape that is superimposed on it has an interesting choice of creases and lines on it. Personally, I think it looks fine (though I do miss the exposed wood on the Prototipo).

Conclusion The Lacroix Nazare a “rocketship for the streets.” Its ride comfort is next level, its speed is blisteringly fast, and its hardware is simply amazing. Even though the Nazare is technically Lacroix’s mid-range model, the range and features make it feel like a flagship. Speed needs? Fulfilled. Range anxiety? Gone. Clout factor? People stare at you like you’re goddamn Marty McFly when you ride this thing. I took my Nazare to Santa Monica last December and people LOVED IT down there. I got so many fist-bumps from drivers and waves from pedestrians because you look like an absolute badass on a Nazare. Just like supercars, superboards require a) modifications to make it exactly how you want and b) some TLC every so often. It kinda sucked shelling out around $200 for extra modifications for a board that was already $3300, but it’s all in the pursuit of the perfect ride. I think the $3300 for this board is justified, since the Lacroix team has had my back since day 1. If I have and questions, comments, or concerns, Alex makes that me and my board are well taken care of. I gotta admit, I thought the Nazare was an unwieldy chonk of a skateboard at first, but now that I’ve had some time to play with it, I’ve been able to harness its full potential...and, oh boy, does it kick. If you’ve been saving up for your dream board, this is it. tl;dr The Lacroix Nazare is superboard in all aspects: it’s really fast, has a huge range, and is very well-built. You’ll be shelling out a pretty penny for a Nazare, since they start at $3300 before options and shipping. I personally didn’t like the remote or the headlight mounts, so I had to purchase upgrades. Unfortunate, yes, but I was willing to overlook that since you gotta make certain changes to make it your own. With Lacroix, you’re buying a hand-built board with a fantastic team behind it. Overall, the Nazare is a kick-ass board.

Transparency is very important to me. The Lacroix Nazare and all its upgrades discussed in this review were all purchased by me. The other companies discussed in this review (Enertion, Flipsky, Hoyt St.) did not pay me for or advise me to write any content in this review. All opinions are my own.

[welcometophu]

Not Your Destiny: Chapter 20

Marked Book 1: Not Your Destiny

Chapter 20

[ Previous | First | Next ]

Mrs. Hannigan is pleasantly surprised to see Ángel, and on a quiet summer night, she’s more than happy to help him find the archives of the local papers. She sets him up in a corner with a microfiche machine, because the archives have yet to make it into the digital collection. It’s not Ángel’s first time digging into old material, and he knows where the microfiche is stored and how to navigate through the drawers. He’s more than willing to help himself as long as she’s willing to let him.

And of course, Mrs. Hannigan is willing to let him dig, as she heads off to help a young mother and her two children find books in the children’s section.

Ángel brings out his laptop, glad he lugged it into work so he has it now, and gets it powered up and connected to the library wifi. He opens a new document to capture his notes as he makes them, then tries to figure out what, exactly, he’s digging for.

He knows his abuela came to the States from Cuba in the early 1960s, and a quick search for information about Castro makes him think that it had to be before 1962. He types in a header for Verita Cruz (name?) and Carlos Cruz then follows that with Bonita Mollicone (NAME?). He adds Cuba and Italy after each name, and leaves himself a few blank lines.

Tony’s parents goes on the next line with a date of 2012. Ángel remembers that it was the end of the school year, during a storm, but he can’t remember more than that. It was early in storm season, and he figures he’ll be able to find the dates and the information in the paper. That one might even be online.

He hesitates before adding another header, then slowly types Mami, even though he’s sure her death had nothing to do with anything. Still. It’s just something else, another big change in his life when he was only twelve years old, and he figures it’s data as much as anything.

Besides, if he’s looking into the grief his new friends suffered, he should look into his own family.

He makes another heading for Carlos Cruz, for information separate from Abuelo’s marriage to Abuela. He remembers him, but he remembers that while he was loving, he could be a quiet, austere man at times. Ángel always thought that the arrow was because that was what Abuelo reminded him of. Dangerous, and rigid. He wonders if he would have accepted Ángel the same way that Abuela has.

Probably not, and it feels as if that should ache more. Ángel tries not to think about the relief of knowing that he’s accepted, and not having to worry that his dead grandfather would disapprove.

He starts with the microfiche from the local papers in 1960 and 1961, scrolling through the social pages. He doesn’t expect that his family made news. Not the big news, not the things that would be in the front sections. But he knows that his abuela had three siblings, that they all came from Cuba at the same time. That her older brother raised them while Abuela and the two younger girls finished school. So he searches through society pages, trying to link his grandparents, or better yet, trying to find a Bonita to link to his abuela.

He finds himself falling into a spiral, digging through articles about the debate team at the high school, or the football team’s losing season. He’s almost stopped hoping when he finds a small article in early 1961 about the graduating senior class, and two girls who were able to win scholarships in science to the local university: Verita Rojas and Bonita DelVecchio. The two girls sit in chairs that are slightly turned toward each other, their hair pulled up into tight ponytails, their skirts spread over their knees, legs crossed at the ankles. Their chairs are close enough that they almost touch at the knee, and their faces are turned toward the camera. Thick black framed glasses perch on Bonita’s nose, dwarfing delicate features. Abuela smiles wide enough that her pride shines brightly, and Ángel swears he sees a hint of shimmer all around her even on film.

He writes down the name, knowing that has to be her. This must be how they met, bonding over a love of science. Abuela received her degree in Chemistry in 1965 from that very university, and Ángel wonders what science drew Bonita in. If they both went to school together, if they remained friends through their education. He makes a quick note, remembering that Abuela married Abuelo in 1968, that Papi was born in 1970. That’s still a long time for the friendship to have flourished, right?

It would be handy if the microfiche had been digitized and cross-referenced, but he’s going to have to search manually for any other references. He skims forward faster now, finds an image of Carlos Cruz accompanying his fiancee, Verita, that December to midnight services at the Cathedral Basilica in St. Augustine. He lingers there, prints the image, because they look happy. He doesn’t remember his abuelo smiling like that often, as if he were staring at the sun.

There is another picture, a year later, of newly engaged Bonita DelVecchio and her fiancé, Vincenzo Mollicone, attending the same services. Ángel prints that as well, and when he looks in the background of the image, he spots someone who might be Abuela looking over at the happy couple.

They don’t appear in articles after that, but when he finds the graduation announcement, they are both in the picture, on opposite sides of the image.

Ángel prints that one as well, because they aren’t looking at each other at all. It’s a marked difference from the earlier pictures with both of them, and he has a feeling that something happened during that time period. He just doesn’t know exactly what.

Clan and Mage, though. He can guess it has something to do with that.

He leaves that avenue behind, not sure what he’s learned, or whether it’s useful. It’s easier to find the modern information, his mother’s obituary still available in the online resources for the local paper. He touches the screen when it comes up, her smile making his heart ache. Grief is something that you move on from, but you never entirely lose. It’s been eight years, but it’s still hard to remember her and realize that she isn’t here. Joey is wonderful, but she’s not Mami.

Ángel pulls his hand back, reads the obituary. The illness. The blessed release at the end of a swift, furious descent after a stage four cancer diagnosis. Tears well up at the corners of his eyes, and he inhales roughly, holds his breath until the urge to let go—let the tears win—abates.

It’s easier to look at the obituary for the Mollicones. The passing of Lydia and Dominic, pre-deceased by his parents, Bonita and Vincenzo, survived by their five children: Zita, Antonio, Stefano, Gabriella, and Alonso. There’s no mention of any of Lydia’s relatives, which Ángel makes note of as slightly odd.

There are more articles about the storm, the vicious weather that swept through northern Florida in 2012. The accident is attributed to the storm, water washing the Ford Ranger off the road and into a ditch, where it flipped, and the two Mollicones were killed on impact.

It was almost the end of the school year when it happened, and news had spread quickly. Ángel remembers the way Gabi had looked like a ghost in class after that, had made it through the remaining few weeks in near silence.

The quiet Mollicones had retreated completely by the following year, snapping at anyone who dared to speak to them. Ángel had thought about trying harder—he knew what grief did to a person—but at the same time, his life was filled with complicated things, and a new stepmother, and Abuela moving in. He never made the effort.

It’s all a dead end, really. None of it changes anything that he knows, none of it makes more sense out of anything he’s learned in the last week and a half. He shuts down the microfiche machine, puts his films back in the drawer where he found them. When he settles in at his laptop again, he opens his email and pulls up a new message to Pawel Szczek.

I’m okay, he types first, because he knows Pawel well enough, after a year and a half of Coven and in his major, that Pawel will ask after him. I have a mark now, and I don’t know who it is. Hayley’s mark is for my best friend, Tanner. I think they’ll be good together and I’m happy for them.

He considers how to ask what he wants to ask, and decides blunt is probably the best option.

I’m writing about Tanner’s brother, actually. He has a Talent but it messes with the synapses in his brain, causes things to jump the gap incorrectly, and he has seizures. He had a really bad one recently, and I was wondering if there are any rituals that you know about that might help him gain control over his Talent. He makes colorful bubbles, that mostly change color when he’s stressed or emotional. He’s fourteen. He’s pretty much always emotional.

I figure you won’t see this until after the holidays. Hayley and I are staying in Florida for the first two weeks of the year; we should be back after that, before classes begin again. If you think of something I should look at, please let me know.

Ángel doesn’t bother to sign it; it’s email, after all.

It’s close to 8:30, and Ángel figures if he packs up now, he might have time to sit out front and watch funny videos or something while waiting for Gabi to come back to get him. He packs his things away, stands up, and comes face to face with Daphne Hamilton.

She smiles, and Ángel swallows.

“Hi,” he says, drawing the word out like a question. She’s tall in her heels, her eyes not quite on a level with Ángel, but damned close, and she leans in close like she wants to be intimidating. If Ángel hadn’t been spending the last several days with people with no sense of personal space, it might’ve worked.

As it is, he’s tempted to shove at her shoulder and push her back, but that would be rude.

“Ángel, isn’t it?” she asks, and he frowns at the way she knows his name. Her smile is gentle, sweet like fake sugar, and she touches his shoulder when she goes on. “You work at the shop, now. You answered the phone for me the other day, didn’t you? And Luca mentioned your name when I stopped in.”

Because Ángel wants to think about that day, about the way Tony stood there so stiffly with her, then lost his appetite. He licks his lips, gaze shifting away before he pulls himself back, forces himself to meet her eyes. “I’m working there until after Maritsa and Cleto get married, yes,” he says, because that’s innocent enough to admit.

She squeezes his shoulder, leans in to murmur, “I’m so glad to hear that. Tony doesn’t know how to delegate, and I worry about him sometimes. That he’s going to work himself to death in that place, and forget all about his life outside of it. It’s good to know that they’ve brought you in to take care of things so he can finally relax.”

“Tony loves the cars,” Ángel says, thinking of that ragtop Mustang just waiting to be worked on.

“Of course he does,” Daphne says softly, patting his shoulder like he’s a child to be soothed. “But he loves other things as well, and sometimes he loses sight of that.” Her fingers catch on his shirt as she pulls away, baring the temporary ink. Before he can blink, she tugs the edge of the sleeve up, then quickly lets go as if it never happened. “You have a rose,” she says.

Ángel touches it reflexively, uses the moment to put some space between them. “Gabi designed it for me. Said it would be better than the angel wings I was thinking of doing as a memoriam for my mother.”

“Angel wings.” Her tone is soft, neutral. “How divine that would be, and a beautiful memorial.” She cocks her head, smile sliding into place to light her features. “Speaking of things outside the shop, you will be there at our party for the new year, right?”

“Your party? I’m already—”

“We hold it at Tony’s home, of course, and I’m certain that Gabi and Luca have invited you. It’s obvious that they’ve adopted you.” Daphne leans in, whispers, “Don’t let Gabriella get away, darling. She’s a beautiful girl, if a bit standoffish. She seems to have taken to you more than anyone else outside the family. Stay strong; she’ll let you in eventually, I’m certain of it.”

“She licked me,” Ángel says, because it’s become his standard response when it comes to Gabi. Even though Daphne is making him uncomfortable with the way she keeps inching closer, keeps insinuating herself into his space. “But I’m not interested in dating her. She’s like a sister.”

“Oh, I doubt that, if she licked you.” Daphne’s eyes go wide and innocent, but her tone is anything but. “What a wicked thing to do.”

Who says that? Who actually says something like that who isn’t ninety years old?

“But yes, I’m going to the party. They all made sure I’m invited,” Ángel says firmly, even though he can’t remember which one of them issued the original invitation. “They said it’s a family party, so I’m bringing Tanner and Hayley, and maybe my family, if they’re interested.”

“That sounds like an intriguing mix.” Daphne’s eyebrows slide up, and Ángel is sure that he’s actually managed to surprise her.

He can’t resist trying to do it again.

“And Tony said I should drop off some clothes there, in case I decide to crash again. Better than waking up and not being able to get dressed on the morning after,” Ángel says blandly.

Daphne blinks, is silent.

It’s all true, too. Tony told him to leave a change of clothes at the house, in case someone brings him home again. So did Gabi, and Luca. They offered the guest room, but right now, with the way Daphne’s looking at him, Ángel’s not going to say that.

Her gaze narrows for a moment, then the lines across her brow smooth out as she eases into a quiet smile. “You see,” she says softly. “You have Tony’s blessing. Gabriella has probably talked to her brother already. Just in case.”

“Or Luca mentioned that he’d be into it if I wanted to jump him,” Ángel says dryly, and it’s worth it just to see the look on her face, the way she takes a quick step back. It lets Ángel breathe, getting her out of his space, and he keeps talking, takes a step forward just to make her step back again. “I’m not sleeping with either Luca or Gabi,” he says firmly. “I’m not interested in dating either of them. And yes, I’ll be at the party, because they all invited us.” He almost say that he’ll see her there, but he doesn’t want to sound like he’s inviting her.

Besides, Tony’s probably already done that. Daphne’s implying that they’re throwing the party together, after all.

The thing is, Ángel doesn’t like her, doesn’t want her to be there when he rings in the new year. It adds a sour note to the beginning of the year that he just doesn’t want to think about.

“Ángel?” Mrs. Hannigan calls out quietly, and Ángel steps around Daphne, makes his way toward the front of the library.

“I’ll see you soon, Ángel,” Daphne calls after him.

Ángel bites his tongue, doesn’t retort not if I see you first and can avoid it, because that would be childish. True, but childish.

Gabi leans against the front desk, chatting with Mrs. Hannigan who now stands behind it, gathering up a small stack of magazines that someone’s returned. Her gaze narrows, nostrils flaring. She meets Ángel halfway, grips his shirt, leans in and inhales roughly. “You reek,” she mutters, and Ángel wonders if she’s smelling his emotions or Daphne.

Probably both.

“Let’s stop off at my place so I can take a quick shower and get changed,” he mutters.

Gabi sidles in close, her arm around his back. “We’ll stop at your place, and you’ll pack some things to bring and leave at ours,” she says firmly. “You can shower there. And this way you’ll be prepared if you end up there in the future.”

“Planning on keeping me?” Ángel tries to shift his voice back to light, to tease her, and she smiles slightly, like she can tell what he’s doing.

“Licked you, didn’t I?” She grips his wrist, threatens to do it again, and they’re both laughing as they stumbles down the steps of the library together.

As Gabi pulls out of her parking space, Ángel spots Daphne standing on the steps of the library, watching them go. He doesn’t think Gabi noticed Daphne, but he knows Daphne saw them both. Even from a distance, he can see the way her shoulders are set, her arms crossed tight.

Daphne really doesn’t like Gabi and at this point, Ángel’s pretty sure Daphne doesn’t like him either, no matter how much she smiled.

[ Previous | First | Next ]

[chaiteakusuri]

Running with a Ghost: Chapter 2

Chp:1 Read Chp 2 on my AO3.

Running with a Ghost: Chapter 2: Electrical Surge

                  After that evening, Alfred couldn’t seem to take his mind off the events from the evening prior. The more he thought about it, the more unsettled he felt; and no matter how often he would push the thoughts from his mind, they would just re-emerge later, with increasing intensity. Alfred was stirred enough by the event that not only had he contacted the city’s park and recreations department via email, but he also left them a message and even sent a handwritten letter to the head of the department.

           If there was one thing Alfred was horrified of, it was ghosts. This fact only drove Alfred to even greater lengths to disprove the notion that anything involving the supernatural occurred that evening.  The amounts of horror films Alfred had been binge watching the evenings prior to the incident hadn’t eased his mind any and he concluded that he would put the “horror movie marathon spook-tacular” on hold for the time being.

           Furthermore, despite his extreme desire not to, the American still willed himself outside of his house each evening to maintain his workout routine. He did, however, chose a different running path instead of the usual one, even though he liked the new path less. He also considered moving his runs to the mornings, but, to his dismay, his schedule conflicted with all the times he was willing to drag himself early out of bed for a run.

----------------

           Five days had passed and Alfred had almost completely forgotten the “lamp post incident”. Alfred was waiting for a meeting to begin that day and was very pleased to see that he had gotten a reply to his email from the park and recreations department. The email header read “Sunlit trail lamp post light replacements...”. Upon opening the email, he immediately found solace upon reading the words “Dear Alfred Jones, we received your email and would like to assure you that the lamp-post lights were replaced on---”

           “Alfred!” One of his co-workers snapped upon noticing he was on his phone as the meeting was beginning.

           Alfred quickly closed the tab on his phone and tucked the phone into his work bag. “Yeah, yeah. Geez, I was just waiting for you old guys to be ready to go.” He teased, feeling completely relieved and refreshed that the problem had been sorted out and that he would safely be able to return to the Sunlit trail for his runs. Alfred’s co-worker harrumphed in response and began going over the outline of the meeting. Aside from the chiding Alfred had received later for his comment, the American was otherwise completely contented and had decided that he would mark the good news with the return of his normally scheduled runs.

           When evening came, it was pleasantly crisp; “Perfect for jogging” Alfred would say to himself as he readied himself that evening. Having decided to kick things off fast that evening, Alfred finished his warm up at his home and jogged straight from his place to the running path on the Sunlit trail.

           As Alfred came to the main entrance of the trail, he flashed a grin at the lamp post upon seeing no abnormal activities from it. Just a steady, calm glow of normal light.

           “Nice.” Alfred exhaled as he jogged passed, leaving the lamp behind him and keeping his eyes from the memorial slab. Perhaps it happened in time with his blinking, but Alfred hadn’t seen that the very same lamp post he just passed flashed mere moments after Alfred had passed by.  As Alfred jogged, he took time to admire the gardens and fixtures as he went by; they looked particularly stunning this evening with the full moon shining down on them and the soft glow of the lamp posts highlighting their edges and features.

           As Alfred continued to jog, enjoying his music, he failed to note that as he ran, the glow from the lamps that he was appreciating were seeming to flicker as he jogged passed. The flickering only came to the American’s attention when he was halfway through the two-and-a-half-mile looping trail. Alfred had been jogging passed one of the trail’s small gardens when a nearby lamp post began strobing erratically.

           Alfred gasped softly, mildly startled by the sudden strobing, “Geez.” Alfred breathed, panting softly as he abruptly stopped jogging. Alfred gave the area a quick look around, his music still blaring in his ears. “They must have missed that one.” he panted before re-entering his jog, his pace slightly slower than before. Although relatively unsettled, Alfred continued jogging, trying every way possible to keep his mind off the creepy topic. He settled on thinking of new possible battle strategies in his recently purchased game.

           “If I put Tai-le in the front, Ewan could back her up even though she’s a glass cannon.” Alfred pondered while jogging “And Ariel could heal and buff them so--” Alfred's thoughts were ripped from strategy as a loud, almost defining electrical sound cracked from the lamp post to his immediate right. For the sound to make it through the blonde’s headphones, Alfred shuddered to think how loud it actually was and Alfred flinched away from the lamp post, visibly jarred.

           “Christ.” Alfred hissed under his breath, running forwards, away from the offending lamp. “I thought that they said that these bulbs and stuff were replaced!” He shouted as he saw lights in the close proximity flickering. Unsettled by the apparently sudden upheaval, Alfred whipped his phone out and tapped furiously at the screen until he had the email menu. As he went to open the email, however, there was a sudden, drastic drop in wi-fi signal and data connectivity and his web-browser crashed.            “Aw c’mon!” Alfred cried in dismay, having never experienced such problems with connectivity here before. Alfred then noticed, while impatiently waiting for the browser to reopen, that he has missed two calls somehow. He knit his brow and moved his attention to the phone application. The blonde opened the answering machine and his music cut out in response, allowing him to hear the buzzing of the lamp post he distanced himself from. It seemed to have grown softer as he got farther away- not only because of the increased distance; it was as if the buzz only happened because he had been close to it.

           Alfred pried his thoughts from this, however, as he heard the monotone, electronic voice talk to him as he entered the answering machine. “You have: two new messages.” The electronic woman said mechanically “To listen to your messages Pr--” The woman was cut off as Alfred pressed the appropriate button to listen to his messages.

           There was a soft click and a breath before Alfred heard and old sounding woman on the other end. “Hello, Mr. Jones. This is Amelia from the parks and recreations department. We received your call and email and would like to inform you that--”

           “The lights had been replaced the other day.” Alfred filled in himself, remembering the email he began to read at the meeting.            “---had been replaced at the end of summer about a month ago.-” The old woman continued, much to Alfred’s surprise. But, trying to keep his wits about him, Alfred reasoned with himself that a bad rain storm must have recently messed with the lights.            “There must be some water er something in the generator... thing.” Alfred said aloud to calm himself.

           “However,” The old woman said, capturing the American’s attention again, “To help ease your worries about the condition of the lamps,” She began, although the more the woman spoke, the farther a chill worked up Alfred’s spine. “We sent some of our workers out to the trail you mentioned to see the condition of the lamps.”

           Alfred listened on pins and needles; Of course there was something wrong with the lamps! They just haven’t had enough time to replace all of these goddamn lamps yet!

           “And we’re happy to inform you that all the lamps are working wonderfully!” The old woman announced happily to Alfred’s extreme displeasure. “Not a flicker or a burnt bulb in the bunch of them.” She continued, a cold, hard knot forming the pit of Alfred’s stomach. “They got back to me just now as I speak so everything down at your trail is perfect! Please continue enjoying using the trail!” She chimed joyfully, to Alfred’s terror.

           The kind, old woman continued talking for some time about something, but Alfred had stopped listening. The blood has swiftly drained from his face; he was gripping his phone so tightly his knuckles grew white with the effort.

           These lights were not fine; these lights were not working wonderfully. Alfred thought he heard the woman say something about a survey, but Alfred could barely suppress the nauseous feeling swelling his stomach let alone listen properly at that moment.

           As if on cue, the “Wonderfully working not-a-flicker-or-burnt-bulb-in-the-bunch” lamp post in the distance began to flicker, violently. Similar to the fashion lights flash at raves, they began flickering. Alfred almost vomited; his breath wasn’t coming fast enough and his breath wasn’t coming slow enough. He felt like he was going to scream, but didn’t have the voice to at that moment as he was petrified in place from sheer terror. It was then, in his horrified silence, that the monotone electronic voice came back again.            “End of message.” She said before continuing, “Next message.” the machine said. Alfred gasped shakily. Oh, that’s right, he thought, two messages.

           “Surely this next one will be them again calling to tell me how screwed up the lamps really are. A big mistake, but it'll be fine it’ll--” Alfred cut his rambling off as he heard... his music? Alfred listened harder; he couldn’t believe what he was hearing. Alfred went through the apps on his phone quickly to his music player to discover that it wasn’t going. Of course it wasn’t playing; it auto stops when on the phone. But, if that’s true

           Alfred snapped his gaze behind him as he thought he heard panting. After a moment's investigation, it struck the blonde: it was his own panting. Alfred was about to reach up and tear his headphones out, but just before, he heard a soft crackling and seconds later, a voice he didn’t recognize resonated through the headphones.

           “Wait!” Alfred managed to hear faintly through his panting and music, “Stop! Please stop running!” The voice was soft, but it was all it took to chill the American’s blood completely. Upon hearing the words, the lights around him began to flicker, spasming violently, commanding the American’s attention. Horrified, Alfred tore the headphones from his ears to, at least, free him from the sounds. He turned to start a sprint down the way he came, but froze in place, gripped by overwhelming fear as he looked down the path.

           Alfred watched, petrified in place as all the lights began flickering in a series. Farther away lights began flickering, strobed angrily, and then the flickering seemed to jump to the next light, infecting it to flicker, strobe and then jump to the next light once again.

           The blood fell quickly from his face as the alarming pattern worsened and picked up speed towards the blonde, as if homing in on him. Alfred quickly suppressed the idea of fainting to, instead, spin on his heel and break into a sprint down the remaining lit path ahead. Alfred’s thoughts whirled through his mind with the same amount of coherency and sense that one would expect from an amoeba. Should he keep going straight? Who was that person he heard? How did he not notice them before? Should he turn and face the lights?

           Alfred’s mind was torn from his thoughts as he heard a loud ‘pop’ in the distance behind him. Plagued by his curiosity despite everything, Alfred turned his head round as he continued running down the path, expecting to see the armed murderer to add to his nightmare run. The blonde stared behind himself as he continued running, growing ever more distraught as he couldn’t pinpoint the sound. Decided to refuse himself the luxury of stopping to locate the source, Alfred forced his legs to keep moving and snapped his head forward once more as he continued his retreat.

           Moments later, the sound came again and then again and again with increasing frequency. Alfred spared another glance over his shoulder and let out a shriek as he saw light after light burst intensely, the bulbs shattering in their advance towards him. “Oh my god! Oh god!” Alfred wailed as he was momentarily unable to remove his eyes from the destruction that was rapidly gaining on him. Pop after pop rang like gunfire through his ears; the sound growing louder and louder as the lights were coming upon him.

           Tears of utter dread sprang forth from Alfred’s eyes and a guttural cry ripped through his throat as the light immediately behind him burst, the light directly in front of him doing the same at the exact moment he took another step forward. Tremors racked through his body as he ineptly attempted to keep moving his legs. He blundered forward several more paces, sobbing in consternation as his ears seemed to pick up soft whispers in the wind.

           The American struggled to create strangled pleas to whoever or whatever his assailant was; he could feel his consciousness swiftly leaving him despite his best efforts and his desire- need to try and reason with his, assured, going-to-be killer. The whispers- or were they shouts?- continued as he took one more bumbling step forward; his knees buckled as he brought his foot down too quickly onto uneven ground and he suddenly found the ground rising up to meet him. Then, as the last vestiges of his consciousness left him, Alfred felt what could have only been his attacker’s weapon dig into his flesh.

[wavemaker9]

Me: Kyle and Mel having a good close friendship that makes them both happy Also me: Make them fight and have kyle jeopardize that like everything else he loves

(it got long sorry)

So Kyle doing the cornered, ‘animal in a case’ thing with mel. Unlikely if she won't press but if it did happen that'd prolly hurt mel so much if the thing she values most about her friendship with him is not feeling judged, just feeling like a lot of her perceived flaws are accepted without question. Because I've mentioned when kyle argues back defensively, he gets nasty. Just like Austin will lash out physically if pushed hard enough, if Kyle feels cornered in a convo, even if it’s only in an attempt to help him, he will turn on them verbally to get them to back off. He's not always aware of everything (see his relays with summer/doug that he dismisses the aggressively negative behavior yet his relay with art who he's frustrated with for just not displaying that art cares in a way that kyle gets), but he's pretty good at spotting people's insecurities and then using them during heated arguments without thinking about it. He wouldn't genuinely mean anything he said, he just knows. Well, his insecurities and/or fears are being brought up and he wants out of the convo more than anything, so if he does the same to them, they'll back off too. Again, Mel not being the type to press or call out specifically because she doesn’t want it back, so it's not like Cami or something where it'd be relatively likely, but if it did ever happen, suddenly this second person ever that mel has had that hasn't judged her is listing every problem and flaw she has, searching for the topic that gets the sharpest reaction and focusing on that. I remember Khep and I discussed this with Cami and Kyle and then other stuff too (during the 2p event in Hetalr, Austin said some mean stuff to Cami because he considered all the 1p nations imposters trying to fuck with them so that plus her refusing to leave because this is her friend but like super wrong finally irritated him enough that he asked her how alone she had to be to be desperate to spend time with him. basically he hopes to never see this woman again so who cares about being polite when she won’t listen to his requests), she ended up just popping him in teh face and storming off, and I have to imagine it’d be like that at least. Mat least those first few moments of accusation and betrayal and /hurt/, there’s gotta be a surge of anger that bubbles up enough to swing at least one punch his way, yeah?

Which actually speaking of that, that might be more likely to make kyle and mel clash like that since if his mood dips hard enough he’ll also get instigatory without being provoked first. It’s another self-destruction method. He gets a mindset that he deserves punishment for fucking up so badly about something and getting beat up in a fight works for that. How does he get someone mad enough to kick his ass? Make them furious with him, make them /hate/ him. And of course he doesn’t think about long term ‘do i really want them to hate me forever? No! Will they understand i was just being the world’s biggest dick to them because i was in a low place? Probably not, especially if I don’t tell them!’ so he’ll regret it later but he’s not thinking clearly now, his brain is full of bad time thoughts right now, so that’s all he can focus on, especially since in that headspace if he /does/ consider it, his brain justifies it away that he doesn’t deserve them anyway and he’ll finally send them off which will be doing them a favor and blah blah blah

Actually actually, even when he’s not in a bad place, like if he feels someone’s holding back in a fight, even if it’s just sparring, he’ll try to push them and provoke them because when he’s angry, he’s willing to fight harder, so clearly the same must be true for them. I think it was mentioned the same is kinda true for mel and that she instigates or at least instigated stuff with austin a lot in the hope it’d get him to fight her. He’s very much teh same. If he can piss them off, they’ll actually fight and that’ll be more fun than them going easy on him (I had this thought because of the taz xover since griffin had said avi was so nice he went easy on the thb when training against them and that’d annoy kyle quickly. You’re my friend and I love you but if you don’t fight me with your all that’s at best a weird unneeded secret about what you’re capable of and at worst an insult in that you think I can’t handle it, and i won’t stand for either. Gimme your hardest punch, damnit. )< ). He’s usually less emotive and fight-or-flight-y there, though, so he’ll be more careful about what he says in that he won’t aim for the comments he knows would cut deep, but he’ll reach for a lot of more shallow careless insults then and that can still get irritating very fast.

Anyway, Kyle is always super regretful and apologetic afterwards once his fight or flight reaction eases, but the problem is that he's already said those things and cannot take them back. He can apologize to mel all he wants and assure her he doesn't believe anything he said before and she shouldn't either, but he still said them. Even if mel recognized at the time that this was him being aggressively defensive, that doesn't ease the hurt of still hearing it. If she thinks about it logically, she could probably figure it didn’t mean anything and was him just being a childish asshole, but it’s hard to be 100% objective with this sort of thing. He can tell her he didn’t mean it but that doesn’t undo the hurt she felt when he said those things. It's something I never want to make canon for any of kyle’s relays because he does seriously like fuck up these good things of trust he has and that can’t easily be undone, but it’s always interesting to consider. Pushing away people he loves is something he's very good at.

Also, the one person that doesn’t tend to happen with is ivan and I think that’s very much a case of ivan never wanting to make kyle mad so he’d back off before things got that far. If he sees either of them are genuinely frustrated, he’ll back off until things cool down or switch to seeming more accommodating so that kyle doesn’t feel the need to fight as much. Besides, ivan probably would forgive kyle even if kyle said some mean shit. There might be a limit but Ivan’s super good at forgiving kyle. On the other hand, kyle would do the same if it was reverse and ivan said some super mean shit. Honestly, no matter who said it, kyle would 100% forgive the person eventually if he even remotely liked them. again, kyle took like months after being cheated on and manipulated in an old rp to even consider for longer than 3 days that maybe he should leave the relay. you have to /try/ to push him away. He wouldn’t really get past the hurt either, but it wouldn’t be a betrayal of trust or anything like I feel it would be if he was the one attacking them. Doug has gotten him really used to constant criticism and just blatant insults and has conditioned him to see that being ‘honest’, so if another friend spent 5 minutes suddenly tearing into him. Like it’d hurt and crash his mood but he’d never blame /them/. It’s /his/ fault for being so shitty. If he were better, they wouldn’t have anything to talk about, he can’t be mad at them for telling the truth, what kind of asshole does that? (see him when anyone who /isn’t/ a friend suddenly criticizes him; he’s the kind of asshole who does that) And like, he rarely fully trusts that a person 100% genuinely likes him so hearing someone suddenly flip and be overly aggressive to a hurt point like. He knew that was coming, he’s surprised they didn’t reveal how annoyed they are with him sooner. It’d never come back to the other person; it’d shake the relationship up badly enough but, unlike the reverse in at least some cases, it’d get back to where they were, and if the person showed enough effort to apologize, he’d treat them and view them exactly as he did before, no blame on them. Again, though, the exception to this is if he didn’t already like them before hand in which case it falls to the grudge level. As i’ve mentioned, poor ludwig in hetalr criticized kyle once during a bad mood time (and that time it was just genuine issues not even just aggressive argumentative callouts) and kyle has never forgiven him.

Other stray thoughts! If he did end up doing that to mel, not just mel fucking pissed off at him, but micha when he finds out what kyle did. Two friendships one stone, whoops. Micha probably even worse? Like Mel’s probably not happy with kyle but suddenly dealing with a lot of self-critical thoughts again. Micha wasn’t the target though, not dealing with that, just full on ‘how dare you make my sister feel like that’ anger. Remember that ‘bitch was talking shit, now bitch can’t talk no more’ ask micha had a while ago? That. Micha 100% killing kyle brown, fucking finally. Even if mel recognized why kyle did that and eventually got even partially past that, i feel like micha wouldn’t ease up on that even after some time because that wasn’t at him, that was at mel. He liked Kyle, a part of him still wants to like him, but that man hurt his sister terribly and so Kyle can suck a fucking big one.

Also, less expected, but like. austin would def kind of side with mel, too. Mainly because he’s just so annoyed by kyle constantly, it’s very much the burr vs hamilton ‘i just want him to stop talking and acting so confident, that’s what i’m here for’ thing, but also. Like in family au especially, kyle gives /a lot/ of shit to austin. Like /a lot/. I’ve made at least a couple posts about how kyle knows how to get under austin’s skin and knows austin doesn’t have the strength to get him back so he fucks with austin constantly. Austin’s in a bad combination zone in that he’s family so teasing/being a dick as a form of showing love is acceptable to kyle, and austin’s cold and selfish personality makes him seem like a dick to kyle + he’s not trying by kyle’s standards so it falls under ‘the asshole has it coming’ category. Austin tries hard, just like mel, or kyle, or anyone else. It’s not always obvious and there are some times sure where he’s not trying as hard as he could, but more often than not, austin actually is doing his best to just manage here. he’s not an overachiever or anything. when he cares, it’s barely and surprising, but just because he’s not putting his all into it every second doesn’t mean he isn’t trying at all. But he’s cold, he’s selfish, he’s asocial and solitary, he’s not charismatic or kind or loyal or empathetic, he’s passive and he takes for granted the things /kyle/ sees as austin’s best assets in life (his family), he’s all the things kyle looks down on, and there aren’t many things kyle /does/ feel like he can look down on, so kyle looks downon them extra hard. I said how kyle is very much the ‘as long as you’re trying your best, that’s fine!’ person, but the catch to that is that /he/ has to accept that you’re trying your best. Just like how he’ll not always catch on that someone loves him as much as they do because they’re not showing it in ways he recognizes as affectionate or caring, he also is clueless to the idea of someone trying in a way he doesn’t recognize. It’s really something i guess most if not all teh australias show, but while with aus and aud, that conflicts with people like mel, for kyle, he wouldn’t get aus or aud. That’s why he totally gets mel is trying, it’s very much in the same way he is. But austin’s trying is by being reserved and proper, and it doesn’t make sense so clearly austin just /isn’t/ trying. Kyle is very aware of only the things he can recognize. He understands that people have different views and ways of handling things like scientists understand how the brain works. He knows it’s technically there, and he understands parts of that to a point when given the chance to learn, but if you really look at how much he gets that, it’s surprising how little he actually understands for how open minded he tries to be sometimes. Which is another thing i don’t like about him. I gushed before and said i was too hard on him but right now nah i remember why i don’t like him, i’m probably about right in how hard i am on him.

Anyway, austin deals with kyle’s shit constantly and, as i’ve mentioned in the hp au talk, he’s well aware that kyle’s charisma and charm and loyalty and people-pleasing nature all make people like him more. He’s obnoxious and irresponsible and reckless and instigatory and has about a billion double standards that are shitty as fuck, but kyle tries to make friends and is passionate enough to win people to his side, so people tend to not acknowledge kyle’s shitty behavior as much when he’s an asshole to austin. They're easily swayed by the ‘he was an asshole and had it coming. Besides, we’re cousins so it’s fine’ argument. He knows Kyle has his ‘good’ sides, but he also is aware of kyle’s negatives, sometimes seemingly more so than kyle is. Which makes the ‘austin’s not trying’ conclusion kyle reaches even worse because austin’s trying specifically to keep his more negative sides on lock, like his bad temper. Kyle lets that shit run free and then has the nerve to criticize austin for not trying?? And I don’t think austin would be annoyed in any cases where mel and micha befriend kyle. Again, he expects that, and while mel and micha are his best friends, he doesn’t fully see them as such and certainly not in a ‘tehy’re /my/ friends, you can’t have them’ way. They’re adults, if they want to befriend kyle great. Maybe they can distract him so he stops trying to hang out with austin all the time, that’d be nice. But austin probably mentioning that to mel when she and kyle are first going to meet. She’s an adult and can choose her own friends but kyle is (“objectively” austin says which he isn’t but to austin he is) terrible and she should have all the information and understand how fucking annoying kyle is sometimes before she meets him. Of course he’s bad at clearly listing all the reasons why with examples, and he complains about everything, so it probably comes off as a ‘oh he’s just annoyed because kyle’s all energetic and fun and austin hates fun’ thing. 

But then kyle reveals the shitty child he is underneath and it turns out austin was actually somewhat right? I also think, if mel was confronted by just how aggressively hurtful kyle can be in his worse moods, that’d surprisingly not be an ‘I told you so’ moment from austin (provided she didn’t make a huge deal of dismissing any early comments he made. If she did, she’d get a little ‘i told you so’ then). Because again, people being charmed by kyle happens all the fucking time, it’s not their fault they made a shitty friend. If he wasn’t asocial and totally aware of how bad to be around kyle can be, he’d probably like him more too. It’s not an ‘i told you so’ thing at this point, it’s just a ‘finally someone else sees what a jerk he can be sometimes thank god. Unfortunate it was from him messing things up again but silver linings and all that’. Austin that’s a silver lining for you, not for mel, cmon. Though on the other hand, It might be an ‘i told you so’ at /kyle/. Mel didn’t do anything wrong by befriending him, but austin’d absolutely use this as a ‘hey, get off your high fucking horse and acknowledge that you’re a piece of shit!’ thing which is relatively ironic coming from austin. I mean, just because austin’s trying doesn’t make him any less of a piece of shit too, since he doesn’t actually regret a lot of the hurtful things he does to people and, as mentioned with the cami thing, he’s willing to do hurtful things if he feels they’re necessary to his best interests, he just also doesn’t pretend like they don’t exist. Austin thinks the positives of his personality outweigh the bad, sure, but he still has some bad he knows about and tries to handle and he’s also fully aware not everyone would view all those positives as positive. He knows he has a bad temper so he avoids things that irritate him and 90% of the time it’s /kyle/ pushing him into those situations that set him off. Kyle should recognize by now how aggressive he himself gets when defensive, how much he can hurt people, but does he try to avoid those cases? No, of course not. That would take being responsible and mature! Half the time, kyle purposefully tries to provoke people as some self-destruction attempt that he doesn’t care about dragging someone else down with him on.

I think i’ve mentioned before that this is why i prefer austin to kyle despite, weighing the pros and cons of their personalities, how kyle would more likely be the ‘better’ person than austin is. Kyle has a lot more pros and they are to a far higher extreme, but the negatives are equallly as low and he ignores them completely. Refuses to acknowledge them, very irresponsible about that. Even when called out, he gets dismissive or instigatory or that ‘can’t you take a joke’ bullshit that I think I still hate most about his personality. Austin is a dick but he’s usually aware of it, knows he’s not a total victim in life. He’s more responsible and part of that is accepting bad behavior in oneself. Changing bad behavior is usually the best option, but neither boy does that. Austin at least accepts and acknowledges it and tries not to go out of his way to let it affect others. He’s polite in most cases if he has to socialize with someone, and besides that he does try to stay on his own most of the time. That’s also, again, the asocialness, but he sees it as a win win for everyone. I’m going to be annoyed by them, they probably won’t appreciate me, it’s best we keep to ourselves. Kyle hides it before springing it on someone and, again, I know that’s not 100% his fault, it’s very much a side effect of his childhood and a nasty combination of disorders he’s struggling to deal with, but that doesn’t make it 0% his fault either. Cool motive, still murder, except not murder of course, just being an asshole, but i still very much like that phrase for that kinda thing. It’s great that he has a reason to explain why he feels the need to behave like that, but he’s not unaware. It may feel hard or impossible not to choose that option, like, say, staying up late again for 2 weeks in a row when I definitely know I need more than ~5 hours of sleep a night- but that’s still me failing to go to sleep on time. i might have to fight myself on it some nights, but i’m still making that choice, y’know? 

In most au’s, someone points it out to him at some point, and he refuses to change that bad behavior and worse, it’s often times not even a ‘i’m trying but I can’t’ situation, he just doesn’t want to acknowledge another flaw of his and that is. That’s why he drives me up a fucking wall sometimes. He always tries to portray himself as super friendly and understanding and accepting and good, he tries so hard to be good. like i said, when he cares, it’s so much and over the top and to the point of sacrificing at a moment’s notice, but he can get a holier than thou mentality on morals and yet either isn’t aware enough or just doesn't care to see both the attempts other may make using methods he’s not used to as well as how necessary it is to address and try to change his own major and friendship-threatening flaws. I have my own high standards for others that I myself don’t meet, but I don’t fuck over people who don’t meet those standards either, y’know? I go ‘maybe we’re both shit’ and I move on with my day. He’s literally the ‘when he’s good he’s great’ line except instead it ends with ‘but when he’s bad i wanna kick his fucking ass’