#mhmmm this question makes me nervous because I feel like I could have said something incorrect or triggering

[masterhandss]

Hello! Uhm… there’s something I’ve been wondering about for a long time now regarding Nicol. And I figured I may as well ask now, since S2 has started airing.

I’ve seen his wiki page. And it says and I quote: It was later revealed that his emotionless face and quiet nature is a result of extreme trauma. From a young age, people of all genders and ages would tend to do absurd things, as well as assaulting him.

I’ve been so fixated on this probably since S1 had finished, yet I haven’t really had the time to read all the light novels to know where this specifically comes from or even be sure if it’s actually true. The only thing I managed to find was a scene (I think in one of the later volumes) about Katarina pointing out this creepy guy that took Nicol’s used utensils and stared at him a lot, but she didn’t do anything about it because Sophia saw nothing wrong with that guy’s behavior and told her it was okay.

I’m not sure if the wiki was referring to that scene, or something else. And since I know that you read the light novels, I was hoping if maybe you could check that info and confirm/deny it for me. If it is true… then it really puts a whole different perspective on Nicol. People in the series have been shown to faint if Nicol smiles, but it was also mentioned how he was one of the only second year students in the student council because people would fight over him.

And to think their behavior possibly had escalated to the point of traumatizing him as a child makes me very heartbroken to think about. Especially when the wiki also mentioned how he feels very uncomfortable when he’s the center of attention… makes me wonder if the anime will even touch upon any of that.

Hello! I'm sorry if answering this one took such a long time. This one definitely caught my interest so I wanted to take my time in writing a response for this.

// trigger warning: brief mentions of assault (nothing too graphic I swear)

I'm an editor for the wiki, so I admit that I have seen that description on Nicol's page too. I don't know who wrote it (and I never bothered to edit or adjust the wording), but that doesn't really matter since it's not exactly something I can deny.

Before that I just want to make it clear first that the "assault" mentioned in the wiki is probably not sexual or physical assault, it's likely referring to a simple assault, aka any unwanted advances that is done without consent. Whether or not any advances on Nicol while he was growing up were leaning towards sexual assault or physical assault (unwanted physical contact from men and women, sexual invitations, groping etc.) has not been mentioned by the books. It used to be a very popular headcanon for the more darker and realistic depictions of the hamefura or fortune lover world to give Nicol that kind of backstory, which is why I still feel like clarifying just in case anyone might get the wrong idea.

Hamefura is a very light-hearted series so I doubt it would put Nicol is such a tough dark position. While it's played for laughs, thankfully Nicol's beauty makes him so dazzling that people can't get close to him rather than being so handsome that people would try to initiate physical contact at every opportunity lmao.

Rather than the wiki pertaining to a specific scenes, I think it might be written in hindsight instead. It could very much be referring to the guy from Volume 6 who keeps staring at Nicol and stealing his uetnsils, but I feel like it could also be referring to the possibility/likeliness of such events and advances happening regularly. Like we don't really need to be told that men and woman throw themselves at Nicol for us to know about it. I mean if its frequent enough for Nicol to be unbothered by it, then it must happen a lot (as gross as that is). Regardless, those advances can still be classified as assault (since Nicol is not a fan of it at all) and the only reason he doesn't do anything about it is because it happens so often that it might be not worth the trouble anymore. At least we do know from the StoryMe hamefura game that Nicol will act in the face of an unfavorable position if he can, so hopefully he isn't just sitting around like an animal in the zoo if he were to receive unwanted advances.

I wouldn't deny that all of these interactions hadn't traumatized Nicol though. They never really mention in the books word-for-word why Nicol is so emotionally stunted/incapable and silent, they only really mention that he doesn't talk because he doesn't want to receive any unwarranted pity. In the first hamefura anthology (whose canonicity is up for debate), they do say there that the reason why Nicol doesn't talk a lot is because people would twist his words in order to turn it around and make him sound more tragic and pitiable than he actually is. I'm no expert on what is or what isn't considered as trauma, but that sounds like a source of trauma to me. The idea of Nicol being so fed up of people misinterpreting his words and expressions in order to fit what they want to hear must have been so hard on him, to the point where he decided to just not speak at all. It can be easily link to his emotionless-ness too, since any positive reaction like a smile could be twisted to mean other things.

Realistically, having people constantly fight over you, whisper things about you behind your back, constantly ogle at you and be constantly flirted on regardless of gender sounds terrible. If that was me I'd be traumatized too. He definitely hates being in the center of attention for all the reasons previously discussed and other well-known variables; he's always in the eyes of every noble around him which makes him hate being in the spotlight (from his perspective, maybe he always feels like the spotlight is on him, like it'll just never leave. he'll always bothered by the eyes of other people even maybe when he's at home... eyes watching him with desires and expectations, haunting him even when he's alone...). It really makes you think about what kind of life Nicol had been living in without Katarina's positive influence. He would have to bear the burden alone, without being able to say a word about it because he needs to act tough for the sake of Sophia.

Like geez, Nicol is even aware that he has stalkers but isn't doing anything about because "they aren't harmful". He never even really clarified what he meant by that (at least I don't remember anyways, feel free to correct me), like is he already doing something to stop the stalker, is it happening so often that he doesn't care anymore or is he fine with it because the stalker hasn't done anything dangerous (yet)???

If you want an /objective/ answer to whether or not the wiki description was referring to the stalker man from Volume 6 or something else, that line on the wiki was added on April 27, 2020; while the JP release of Volume 6 was on March 20, 2018 vs the EN ebook release which was on June 28, 2020.

The editor is likely a JP reader, or it was just an interpretation based most-likely what-if scenarios/interpretations. That's a fun fact for ya :DD

—and since you mentioned that you haven't read all the volumes of the light novels yet, let me help you by listing chapters in the books with a Nicol POV (that I can remember, as of Volume 9)

Volume 1 Chapter 5 (Encountering Katarina) Volume 2 Chapter 4 (Remembering Katarina's Positive Influence) Volume 3 Chapter 2 (School Festival Various Vignettes - Nicol Ascart) Volume 4 Extra Chapter (The Troubles of Nicol Ascart) Volume 5 Chapter 4 (A Lady for Nicol) Volume 8 Chapter 2 (Nicol's "dream")

With this, hopefully it'll be easier for you to cross-reference if you want to look into Nicol's character on your own :DD

TLDR; the trauma and assault mentioned in the wiki is definitely real, although the extent and severity might depend on the reader('s imagination). There's no particular scene to point to as the source, explanation or example of Nicol being given uncomfortable treatment, but it's not hard to imagine given the kind of character Nicol is. He is a silent beauty who caries himself smartly and politely, which in the eyes of many carnivorous nobles is the perfect kind of prey. Whether or not he was assaulted in any way or if people's behavior towards him can be considered as assault depends on the reader, since we still have yet to get a deep dive on Nicol's life outside of his friend group.

If there's any confirmation or deconfirmation to anything I said that I have missed during my skimming on the light novels, feel free to tell me! If I got the definitions and examples of trauma and assault wrong, feel free to tell me and I'll edit this post as fast as I can!

I know this might not exactly be the response you were hoping for, but I hope it was good enough to read qwq. There's so much I could still say but I know I'll go too deep into interpretation (I kinda already did though...), which I want to avoid since the question is asking for in-canon proofs and instances.

Thank you for the ask!

[hiphop-rap-and-basketball]

Ya lil’ Glasses | LaMelo Ball One Shot

Pairing: LaMelo Ball x fem!reader

Word Count: 2,588

Summary: You and LaMelo Ball both attend UCLA for undergrad. Of course he happens to be that hype kid the class that’s loud with his friends. You both get paired up to do a project together for the class. He’s kind of mean and pokes fun and although he gets on your last nerve, you may or may not find him just a little tiny bit cute. Maybe.

Warnings: 18+ ONLY, smut, mentions of sex, female and male anatomy, orgasm control, possibly cliche, M/F.

A/N: damn forgive me it’s been a while since I’ve written smut, butttt I’m on a roll with writing lately soo that’s not stopping me. Let me know what y’all think ;) enjoyyyyy and happy reading

•••

You cannot believe you were paired up with Melo Ball for the most important assignment of this course for the semester. Yeah, it’s UCLA but they really just let any good sports player in and you cared about your education. He did not. All he did was mess around and crack jokes

with his friends in the class. Imagine acting like that in college, couldn’t be you.

When it came down to finally finding a time to work on it together, you could not wait to get it over with.

The first time you met with him for the project was in the common hall. You both settle down in your chairs and you pull out your laptops. As soon as Melo pulled his stuff out, he hopped on his phone.

“Can we just come up with an idea and be done today?” You ask, not really in the mood to ask for his full attention.

He looked at you before clicking his phone off and licking his lips.

“Yeah sorry, sorry, I gotchu.”

You cannot help but roll your eyes. He sits there in silence for a moment and actually starts shooting out ideas. You start writing them down until you finally agree on one.

“I think that’s a pretty good start,” you say, proud you guys at least got something down.

“I think so too. What you doing after this?” He asks, running his hands over his curls.

“Track practice at 4, shower, hopefully dinner after,” you say as you close up your laptop.

“You run track? Running is gross,” he laughs.

“How you gonna say running is gross when all you do is run up and down the court?” You ask, a little too loudly, someone shushes you and you both crouch down and begin whispering.

“Basketball is more than that,” he shot back, “you wouldn’t know.”

“Oh here we go, you all say that,” you respond, flicking your wrist at him.

“You all?? What that mean?” He asks.

“As in all the basketball players,” you laugh.

“Yeah yeah, you let me know when track become a real sport,” he fires back.

“It is!” You slam your fist on the table and he smirks, as if he is happy to get you all riled up.

“Mhmmm,” he replies.

“Over this conversation,” you say, getting up and throwing your backpack over your shoulder.

“When you trying to meet next?” He asks calmly, standing up close in front of you. You were looking up at him now, him being more than a foot taller than you made you feel small.

“I’m free all afternoon Wednesday, my class ends at 12:45p.m.”

“You would know when your class ends, nerd.” He responded.

You cock a brow at his attempt at a roast.

“Shut up,” you responded.

“Wednesday at 2p.m. Your dorm. How’s that sound?” He smiles.

“That works,” you shrug. He smiled at you before walking away. You both go your separate ways.

Wednesday came around quickly. Your head hurts today, so you decided to put your glasses on instead of wearing contacts. Even though you knew that would not help you deal with Melo’s bs. He was extra unfocused today.

“How was your dayyy?” He asked as he walking into your dorm room. He looked huge walking through the door it was kind of funny actually.

“Fine, and yours?” You ask, feeling obligated to do so since he asked you first.

“It was alright, better now that we are here working on our project together bestie,” he jokes, plops himself down on your bed to make himself comfortable. You sat on your desk chair facing him.

You caught up with a couple ideas and worked on some your work, actually getting something done, for now.

You had to show each other your screens, so you awkwardly sat next to him on the bed. He sat up. The two of you now with your backs up against the wall and feet hanging off the bed. You sit in silence for a moment.

“I like ya lil glasses, can I try them on?” He asked, smiled and looking in your direction now.

“N-“ before you could answer, he already swiftly pulled them off your face and put them in his anyway. You roll you eyes.

“Do I look smart?” He asked with the cheesiest smile on his face.

“You look stupid,” you reply coldly, although you secretly kind of liked how they looked on him. They fit his face well.

“I think you’re mad they look better on me,” he replied with a scoff.

“You’re sooo annoying,” you reply. Surprisingly feeling yourself fight a smile. “Can you focus please?”

He does the opposite of focusing, eyes looking around your dorm room for a moment.

“Have you ever had sex with a guy? Are you even straight,” He asked, catching you off guard. You took full offense to his question. Not because of him questioning your sexual orientation, but rather him thinking that was his business.

“That’s a personal question,” you respond quickly.

“Seriously? You have this single dorm all to yourself. You don’t even use it to its full benefits. You know how many girls I’d be bringing over if I lived in a single,” he tossed his pencil up in the air and caught it as he spoke.

“I’m here for my sport and to learn, not everything in college is about seeing how many people you can have sex with, Melo.” You responded, typing away at your computer.

Melo slowly lifted your computer off your lap, placing it on the opposite side of him.

“Hey-“ you reach out your hand to it. The room suddenly feeling a lot smaller than it was now that his face was right next to yours and you had nothing to do to keep your hands busy.

“Have you ever even kissed a guy?” He asked, you loosen up at his tone, which oddly enough seems a bit more sincere now.

“Um, no, no actually I haven’t,” you responded quietly, looking down on your lap.

“I don’t believe that.” He responded. “Stop lyin.”

“It’s true,” you shrug, throwing your hands up in defeat.

“You’re so pretty,” he smiles, making your heart skip a beat or two, but you’re usual chatterbox brain was too nervous to agree.

“Beauty standards have nothing to do with the fact that I haven’t kissed anyone yet. I simply choose not to settle-“

He cuts you off by grabbing the back of your neck with his large hands and pulling you in for a kiss. It lasted for what felt like forever but it was only about 10 seconds. Although you were surprised, you did not want to fight it, and you even found you hands settling on top of his shoulders before he pulled away.

You stared at him for a moment, wondering what in his right mind made him want to do that.

“Anyway, I’m ready to focus now,” he smiled, got up and sat in desk chair you were sitting in first.

You sat there eyes wide, trying to process what just happened.

“Um.. yeah… yeah okay,” you say slowly.

You sat there and decided to not acknowledge what just happened as well. Trying to focus on your work, you could not help by to continue replaying that moment in your head. The kiss on repeat for a while. A couple days even. You saw him in class and he was so nonchalant about it. It started to bother you.

It took everything in you not to ask him about the kiss. Not wanting to seem desperate but at the same time what the fuck. That caught you off guard completely.

The next time you too worked together, you worked in his dorm. His roommate was in there with you guys, engaging in the occasional conversation with the two of you.

This time, you actually cared about how you looked, wearing a little make up and wearing a floral sundress that stopped midway on your thighs.

When you walked up to the door, Melo looked you up and down for a moment before letting you in. He had shorts on with no shirt. His athletic build made your cheeks turn hot and look at the ground quickly.

“Welcome in,” he gestured. You walk in and it looks just as you thought a guys dorm room would look like. A damn mess.

You watched him with his back turned as he stood by his closet of clothes, muscles taut as he pulled a new shirt over his head.

You shuffled to get your stuff of your backpack out before he caught you staring and got to work.

His roommate was cute, and you did not care that you were flirting it up with him right in front of Melo. He kissed you with no explanation. You were determined to figure out why.

“Alright, I’m heading to the gym,” his roomie stated and you smile.

“Have funn,” you reply. You watch him walk out the door, looking down at your lap to flatten your dress then look back up at Melo. His face very clearly annoyed and unamused.

“What?” You smirk, asking in an oh-so innocent tone.

“It’s nothing,” he shook his head in response.

“Oh yeah?” You ask. “You sound a little pressed.” You push, big smirk on your face as you spoke.

“I’m good,” he replied coldly.

You confidently put your hand on his shoulder and replied. “Okay,” in a sarcastic tone.

He was not fucking with that. He pulled your arm down from his shoulder and pulled you into a kiss, this being your second time feeling his lips on yours. This one was more intense. You remember thinking of his lips and how they felt from the last kiss. Feeling them again made your heart pound with excitement.

“Shut up and don’t make me admit to jealousy,” he said through gritted teeth. “I’m not giving you the satisfaction.”

His hands gripping the back of your hair and he spoke, eyes bouncing from your eyes and lips.

“Hmmm, I think you just did,” you nod your head and shrug your shoulder. He was not having your sarcastic tone. He pulled you closer to him, this time he was laying down and you were sitting top of his lap. He refused to break the kiss, hands from down your neck to your lower back.

In your mind, you were strategically making sure you were right on top of his dick. His lips felt so good to feel again. You were so lost in the heat of the moment now, as he began using his tongue in your mouth, you let out a small moan for the first time.

He let go of the kiss for a moment and smirked.

“I wanna hear your beautiful moans,” he admitted, voice deep and full of lust.

He flipped you over and now your body was underneath him on his bed. You lied down flat on your back. He hovered himself over you.

Kissing you a couple times more, before kissing his way down your neck and stopping at your breast.

“You knew what you were doing wearing this shit,” he stated sternly.

You roll your eyes, “shut up.”

“You gon stop giving me that smart mouth,” he replied, smirk on his face before making his way down further. Your heart beating even fast now. He lifted up your dress to find you only in a thong.

He quickly looked up you with a smirk on his face, shook his head and carried on. Yanking your panties off, his lip made their way to your clit like a magnet.

You moaned softly at the pleasure, in fear that someone might hear the two of you.

“What if he comes back?”

“I don’t give a fuck, he could watch,” his voice low and eyes hooded, way too focused at the task at hand to even look at you.

Licking and teasing at your folds, you feel yourself getting closer due to all the tension you had built up since you arrived to his dorm, your mind flashing the sight of him when you walked when he was just no shirt on. His dick print very clear through his shorts.

As you felt yourself getting close to the edge, he stopped, and looked up at you.

“Whyyy,” you groaned put your hands over your face in frustration.

“Because, you was talking all that shit,” he said with one finger in your folds as he rubbed it slowly.

“Please,” you said and his surprised eyes look into yours.

“Nope,” he smirked. Now you were not having it.

You reach down to his shorts and very clearly feel his hard member. You looked up at him with pleading eyes as you began to rub it slowly.

He leaned down and started kissing your neck. You and him both knew he did not want this to stop, and he was fighting with every ounce in his bones not to rip your dress off and fuck you right then and there.

But you knew how to get what you wanted.

“Then it’s my turn,” you smile, pushing him off you and getting down on your knees on the side of his twin sized bed.

Knowing you have never done this before, you were slightly worried you would not be that great at it. You moistened your mouth as you pulled his shorts down, you did not have anything to compare his size to, but you were guessing it was bigger than average.

You admired it for a moment before taking it into your mouth. You heard him suck in his teeth as you took a few licks.

“What’s the matter?” You ask innocently looking up at him through your lashes while you swirled your tongue around the tip.

He bit bottom lip threw his head back, you knew that no answer meant that shit was hitting.

“Keep doing that shit with your tongue,” he groaned quietly.

You keep going at it for a while, and stopped when you felt him starting to thrust into your mouth.

“That’s it,” he groaned as he pulled you on the bed, you watched as he began to slowly push himself inside of you, wincing at the pain, he went slow and you warmed up. He looked so good while he stroked you. You started to feel better and better. He watched you as you took all of him now and proudly.

“I told you to stop talking all that shit,” he groaned.

“I don’t regret it,” you smirk.

“You bout to,” he stated as he began to speed up the pace.

You moaned louder as he continued to thrust into you. You could not believe this moment was actually happening. Him giving into it fed into your pride.

You watching at he admired every ounce of body, gripping and tugging at your soft spots. He held your hips as he picked up the pace.

He pulled out and finished himself off on your stomach. You lay there feeling a mess, he gets a towel and you guys get yourselves together throwing the occasional smirk at each other.

“You look so pretty taking this dick,” he stated, grabbing your neck and kissing you slowly. You smiled into the kiss.

“I’ll do it again,” he confirmed, both hands holding your face as he kissed you hard, tonguing you down.

“Chillll,” you laugh. “Let’s get this damn assignment going already.”

[jiminrings]

Lunchbox lovers request:

So I would love to see a sit down talk between yoongi and mc. Just so like mc can sort her feelings out about everything, and like get advice about forgiving Kook. Idk, I just want those two to have a chat between besties.

-🐞

cold senior!y/n x stem major koo masterlist :D

yoongi will be on y/n’s team — always

“what do you want for dinner?”

yoongi had the best afternoon nap anyone could ever possibly have

it was a mid-afternoon nap actually and something about it just hit different this time

there’s days when it’s extremely warm y’know? not hot, but like uncomfortably warm

it was that uncomfortably warm afternoon when everyone’s collectively feeling sleepy?? turn the airconditioning on to its coolest and sleep without a shirt on and be surrounded by a pillow on both sides......?

yeah that afternoon nap awhile ago really put yoongi on a happy mood

he’s not asking what you want for dinner because he slept good :D

excellent afternoon naps aren’t the only things that make him this way!! lol you could also count days when he receives a random gift out of nowhere and the days when you replace the toothpaste instead of him

but really, whether or not he gets these instances, he genuinely just asks you what you want for dinner so he could either cook it or order it

“what do you want for dinner?” yoongi nudges you from your spot on the couch, about to invade your personal space again and lie down on your lap before you get to cooking

you only hum in response, your best attempt at returning his affection coming in the form of tussling his hair

“we already have dinner, yoongs.”

omg that’s nice then

“you already cooked dinner? even while i was still asleep? wow, look at you,” he praises you abundantly, attempting to pinch your nose when you dodge him

.... that’s the thing though

yoongi watches you visibly freeze when you were doing anything in the first place besides watch your show in a still position

“i didn’t.”

oh

if your dorm was already silent, it became even mORE silent now

if you didn’t cook, then that means-

“jungkook brought dinner.”

yoongi finishes for you and it’s the far worse equivalent of two mothers bringing their own turkeys for thanksgiving

the show you’ve been rewatching is white noise at this point that you can’t recognize anything in this room besides yoongi

it’s been two weeks

that’s literally half a month

two weeks ever since jungkook’s been pouring active effort into working for your forgiveness and normalcy with him out of his own volition

alright maybe you’ll just focus on the gray streaks in yoongi’s new hair <3

and maybe he’ll just focus on the blue stain on your pink pajamas because he put them in the same load when they were newly-purchased <3

yeah but no you can’t do this forever

he can’t do this forever

you and yoongi can’t do this forever

the two of you can’t keep dancing around each other whenever the mention of jungkook pops up because the two of you have two dRASTICALLY different perspectives

right now, yoongi’s just awkwardly laying on your lap and he’s can’t even look up ay the ceiling

“do you wanna talk about it now?”

you end up caving by asking him first, a sigh of relief from holding it in which makes him relieved because he didn’t want to initiate that

“yeah, let’s talk,” he pulls himself up and he’s now looking at you with much embarrassment, “can we even have this conversation while completely sober?”

yoongi’s really rEALLY looking for a distraction to help ease this discomfort in his chest

okay you get where he’s coming from

“you mean you wanna share a joint with me while we have a long-overdue conversation?”

you chuckle at the mental image of yoongi seeing literal stars and freaking out about it, probably crying while he chats to you

“mhmmm. would probably calm our nerves. o-or maybe just mine, atleast.”

to be honest, he doesn’t even have quite a clue on wHY he’s nervous!! it’s the two of you and you’ve always been comfy with each other

that’s the whole foundation of your friendship — you’re fully comfortable with each other and the two of you find it difficult to be this comfy with anyone else

if he really delves deeper into it though, yoongi would know that the reason he’s so nervous for this conversation with you is because he doesn’t want to fight with you

you’d only have occasional tiffs and arguments ever once in a while, but never a fight!!

he’s not assuming that your conversation would turn into a fight, but that possibility scares him still because what if he loses you?

:(((

and if the two of you do fight, it would be over a junior named jungkook who broke your heart and probably insulted you to your core

he doesn’t want to romanticize it either, but if the two of you do fight, yoongi would want it to be something entirely else

he’s willing to have a fight about being messy and how it frustrates you so much

he’d pick a fight over his clingy habits and how it sometimes makes you feel insecure

he’d pick a fight over how he wants to be your number one best friend so bad that it’s beyond unhealthy he’s making it a competition

he’d want a fight over him being a lil insecure of seokjin at times because the two of you get along so well and know much mORE things than he ever could and he can’t always be included in the inside jokes

what yoongi doesn’t want is to fight over jungkook.

“that sounds nice,” you agree because maybe you too are feeling a little antsy, “but we could do that after.”

he nods, his hands curled to his lap that he only meets your eyes now

“okay.”

oh my god

what now

everything’s put out of the way and it’s now the part when you actually tALK

“are you mad at me?”

you take the first approach and it’s already heavy right from the start, the question weighing especially hard in your mind the past few weeks

“what? no. i could never be mad at you,” he answers just as quick and precise, “i’m mad at him.”

“and i understand that.”

you really do know where yoongi’s coming from because after all, you’re the receiving end of all of jungkook’s words at the time

but that’s the thing!!!

that’s tHEE thing that bothers yoongi the most

you have this feeling of guilt because you feel like you’re betraying yoongi in a way

“then why are you letting jungkook in again?”

it’s as if it’s a double-edged sword and merely entertaining jungkook would be a stab in the back to yoongi, even if you don’t owe him anything

“because i understand him too.”

yoongi deadpans at that, a tired sigh falling instinctively from his lips but his mind’s more awake now

“god, seriously?” he shakes his head and outstretches his hands to hold your shoulders in place. “y/n you are the most lovable person i know. you believe him when he told you otherwise-“

“i-i know it isn’t true. it’s not true when it comes from jungkook.”

your voice wavers but it’s not the only thing that’s coming in waves, your resolve blurring even more when you see yoongi fighting back his own tears

“but when it comes from me i-“

“it’s not true either.”

all that yoongi does is take you to his chest the moment your body feels limp with the sigh that escapes you, a knowing body of tears coming next

your parents’ divorce is the furthest thing from fresh but the impact it placed on you renews without warning, the thoughts coming in waves

they were sure to reiterate over and over again that it wasn’t your fault, but god the way that they never even bothered afterwards made you think otherwise

“i-i just feel like a placemarker and neither of them came back for me, y’know? don’t get me wrong, i love my aunt to pieces and she’s family and-“

your faint sobs rack your ribs and yoongi can feel them, a relief that your face is buried to his shoulder so that you wouldn’t see him cry

“jin and i are your family too.”

they are but deep down, you know it’s a whole other ball game

“b-but that’s because you’re unrelated to me. i don’t remind any of you of the other. i’m not your daughter.”

it really wasn’t as harsh as how your words cut out, but it just breaks yoongi’s heart to know how difficult is must have been and is for you

you mumble when you calm down enough, playing with a loose thread on the cardigan you’ve gifted him on his birthday this year

“jungkook didn’t know that sore spot. he couldn’t have, but i’m not defending him either, yoongi.”

you mean it with full sincerity and he’s trying to digest your words as best as he could before his bias gets the best of him

“it’s on him for being horrible to me, but it’s on me for relating what he said to what i felt a long time ago.”

yoongi opens and closes his mouth, but before he does, you’re lifting your head up to interrupt him

god he’s aLSO crying

“use the sleeves to wipe your snot, dumbo. it’s not even that expensive!!” you chuckle when you urge him to do so, making him both frustrated and sheepish because his goddamn snot interrupted you

you lean on his shoulder and stay that way, this time being a rare occurrence in which you cling to him like a koala

“and i know that he shouldn’t have said those things to me either way. i do.”

yoongi nods at that, capturing his point fully

he insists on patting you on the forehead, drawing circles and definitely not a penis as he drawls his words

“he can’t take back what he said, y/n.”

“but that doesn’t mean he can’t redeem himself, yoongs.”

you offer him a timid smile, turning into a bigger one when you know just the right approach to satiate him enough

“jungkook taking accountability is the bare minimum, though,” you chuckle when he nods eagerly to the point he gives himself whiplash, “which is why i’m being smart and haven’t fully forgave him yet.”

…

…..

yoongi sighs when the two of you spend the pause in silence, speaking in all honesty

“i don’t know if i can forgive the little shit.”

“you don’t need to.”

you say just as genuine, a reassuring smile on his face to ease the focused knot on his brows

“you don’t owe it to me, yoongs. i know what you’re thinking.”

you really do

he tends to look at you in high regard even when you tell him that he shouldn’t, and it leads to him with the mindset that he really should appease his best friend at all times

“i eventually will,” he admits quietly. “just not now.”

“that’s okay too.”

it was supposed to be another bout of silence but yoongi actually breaks this time, blurting out words once he felt that the coast was clear

he just needs to get this off his chest before this heart-to-heart moment dwindles

“i don’t want to sound weird, but you’re like, my platonic girlfriend, y’know? my soulmate in a very platonic way, but no one says either that your soulmate has to be in a romantic sense and-…”

you exclaim in relief, your eyes rolling to the back of your head when you jolt him by the shoulders

“god, finally. i’ve always wanted to tell you that i feel the same. you’re my soulmate, i’m pretty sure. my very, very platonic boyfriend i live with.”

yoongi sighs, stares, then fiNALLY heartily laughs in relief

everything’s out of the way :)

“we’re good. we always will be.”

you’re about to get up to fulfill yoongi’s suggestion earlier, being cut short when he gently pulls you by your forearm when you stood

“i’ll always be on your team — you know that right?”

yoongi means it with his whole heart, just one more reminder he wants you to reaffirm in your mind for the night

“i’ll always be on yours too, yoongs.”

[genshin-garbage]

Regret and the Truth

Lumine falls for the distant alchemist, Albedo, but he doesn’t realize his feelings until it’s too late. He hurts her in a way he can’t undo and regret settles in his heart. Regret can be ignored for a while, but it always comes back.

When Lumine first saw the alchemist, her first thought was that he was really pretty. When they officially met, she found the rumors about his coldness to be unfounded. He was quite pleasant to work with and engaged in conversation avidly. Albedo wasn’t shy about asking questions about her nature as a traveler of worlds, and was curious about her biology. She initially chalked this up to being about his research, but as the questions became more and more personal, she couldn’t help but be curious about him in turn.

Over time, their talks started to resemble normal conversations people have to get to know each other. Questions like: what are your hobbies and what’s your hometown like. Lumine eventually forgot how insatiable his curiosity really is and came to consider him a close friend, later even developing feelings for him. She went to visit his camp on Dragonspine whenever she was free, and when she had to stop by the Knights of Favonius headquarters she always asked if he was there.

It didn’t take long for most of the knights to realize Lumine’s crush, Klee especially was excited as she wanted to see the honorary knight be happy with her big brother. Aside from Klee, the knights generally supported her. A few who were closer to Albedo however, were a bit hesitant and tried to steer her away from him. Sucrose and Timaus in particular tried to tell Lumine about his one-track mind, and how he has a hard time understanding normal emotions. However, Lumine’s feelings couldn’t be stopped and those who were reluctant do eventually stop trying to sway her.

There came a day when Lumine had finally worked up the courage to confess her feelings with the support of her friends (and maybe a little bit of alcohol). It was sunset and Albedo had been collecting research materials in Dragonspine, she was a bit tipsy and waiting for him in his lab.

“Hm? Lumine? What are you doing here?”

“Albedo I, I need to tell you something.”

“Yes?”

Lumine approaches him, she was too nervous to look him in the eyes. “I, I like you a lot!”

“Hmm, I see. Then I wonder…” He leans over and kisses her. Lumine doesn’t kiss back out of surprise but quickly leans into the kiss. Their hands roam each other's bodies as they kiss, feet taking them to the couch nearby. As Albedo lays her down on the sofa, he kisses her down her neck and leads the night in a more passionate direction.

Lumine wakes up naked next to Albedo. Her head stung a little but she remembers clearly what had transpired. She blushes hard, she felt there was a possibility of Albedo returning her affections but she didn’t expect the night to turn in that direction. It felt good though and she doesn’t regret it. He never properly said he liked her back however, which irked her a bit, but there was still time. She feels Albedo stir below her, one hand moving from her waist to rub the sleepiness out of his eyes.

“Mhmmm, good morning.” He sits up carefully so as to not push her off the couch.

“Good- good morning.”

“How are you feeling?”

“I feel great. A bit sore but I really enjoyed last night.”

“Nothing out of the ordinary? No changes anywhere?”

“No?” She hesitated, dread washing over her. “Last night, you never really told me how you felt.”

“About that, I don’t want you to misinterpret my actions. I was merely curious about your biology and how your kind reacts to romantic interest, nothing more. Perhaps if the results were different we could have continued this charade a bit longer, but they turned out to be the same as any average person in Teyvat.” He reaches over to grab his shirt from the floor. “Please excuse me, I have work to do and I must record the data from this experiment.”

Lumine shifted off him but remained silent, tears began to well up in her eyes as she felt her heart be torn to shreds by every word that came out of his mouth. To him she was nothing more than an experiment, a specimen in his research to find the truth to this world. She was had, used, and now was being discarded as if she was nothing. “So last night, my confession, it all meant nothing to you? All those times you called me beautiful, was it all a lie?”

“No, not entirely. You are attractive and your company is pleasant enough.” He puts on his clothing as he speaks, his tone disinterested and his face neutral. It was clear he didn’t care what happened next or how Lumine felt. “However, beyond my research I don’t feel the need to be anymore than acquaintances. It was simply convenient to use your attraction to get a better idea of how you work.”

“I see.” Her voice cracked and Albedo turned to look at her. Tears fell down her cheeks and a fake smile plastered on her face as she put on her clothing. “I’m- I’m glad that I was at least some use to you. I, uh, I need to go. Paimon must be wondering where I am. Goodbye.”

She rushes out the door leaving a surprised Albedo alone in the lab. While he did expect her to be upset, he didn’t expect her to still treat him with such kindness. He expected her to beat him screaming at him for playing with her emotions. He felt a tinge of regret before smothering it, there wasn’t time for regret in the pursuit of knowledge. It was a necessary step in getting the data he needed. Still, the hurt expression lingered in his mind as he planned out his new routine until the people of Mondtstadt forgot about this incident.

The next few weeks, Lumine was emotionally absent. It was hard not to notice how she robotically went through commissions, taking more of them as well as bounties. Paimon noticed that what little sleep she did get on a daily basis was cut from her schedule, and that she had started eating less. Whenever anyone asked what was wrong, she would always say that she was fine. They knew it had something to do with Albedo, but he was more elusive than usual. He was the last to come and first to leave during meetings, all of his experiments now took place in Dragonspine, and his time spent babysitting Klee was now spent studying the area around Star Snatched Cliff.

One night, they had finally had enough and managed to convince Diluc to let Lumine drink in hopes that some alcohol in her system would finally get her to tell them what was wrong. He agreed, and so Lisa, Jean, and Amber took Lumine out on a girls night out while Diluc manned the bar.

Lisa was the first to prod after Lumine was decently drunk. “So Lumine, What happened between you and Albedo? You haven’t asked about him in a long while. Did your confession not go well?”

“He- he doesn’t like me in that way. I’m nothing but a specimen in his research.” Lumine takes another long sip of her drink. “He said it himself, ‘beyond my research I don’t feel the need to become anything beyond acquaintances’.”

“I have a feeling that if he had simply rejected you, you wouldn’t be this upset.” Jean stated. “Something else happened between you two. You don’t have to tell us if you don’t want to, but as your friends we want to help you in any way we can.”

“Yeah! Like Jean said! We all hate seeing you all mopey and sad! If Albedo did anything to you I’ll make it my personal mission to set Barron Bunny on him!” Amber added, crossing her arms to exaggerate her point.

Lumine, touched by their words, and incredibly hammered at this point, began to cry. “Tha-thank you guys. I- after I confessed we spent the night together, it was consensual and I enjoyed it, but the morning after he admitted that he only slept with me as part of his research. I- I really thought he liked me back, but he used me! I feel like there’s something wrong with me! I feel so dumb for falling for him, Sucrose and Timaus even warned me! Am I just not good enough? I thought I had a chance, but I was so foolish for thinking I was good enough. Why would he fall for someone like me? I’m nothing but an outlander!”

The rest of her words become unintelligible babble and wails. Amber held her in a tight hug as she bawled her eyes out. Looks were shared between the three women and Diluc as a roaring rage began to burn in their eyes. How dare he use Lumine like this. How dare he play with her feelings, then cast her aside like a toy. Any sort of respect they had for the alchemist beyond his genius had dissipated in the wind.

It wasn’t long before everyone in Mondstadt knew what had happened. He found the increased difficulty in obtaining items in shops and finding people to assist him irritating but not unexpected. He didn’t care about the glares from adults, but the questions from Klee did sting.

“What did big brother do to big sis Lumine to hurt her feelings? Klee can go get Jean and see if she can help big brother make up with Lumine!”

“It’s ok Klee, I’m sure Jean and Lumine have better things to do.”

“But-”

“Klee, it's fine. How about you go play outside.”

“Ok…”

As Klee exited the lab, Sucrose came in. She had an anxious look and was fidgeting. “Master Albedo? Do you have a moment? I wish to speak to you about something.”

“Very well, what is it Sucrose?”

“Why- why did you do that to Lumine? There were other ways to get the data you wanted without hurting her. So why did you do it?”

“It was simply the most convenient way at the time, and the data I collected was easier to analyze since I didn’t have to rely on a third party. It was simply easier to get objective information.”

Sucrose clearly didn’t like that answer as her body tensed up and her face had a hurt expression. “I see. I’ll leave you be then. I won’t be available to assist you for a while. I hope your research was worth Lumine’s pain.”

She stormed off in a quiet rage and left Albedo alone in the lab. He seemed to be alone more, he attributed it to the lack of hands helping him but he knew deep down it was because Lumine wasn’t there anymore. For the second time, regret flared up in his heart before he smothers it again. If loneliness was a consequence of getting closer to the truth, then he shall make himself the loneliest man alive.

The month after the confrontation with Sucrose, he overhears that the traveler had returned from Liyue with someone. He pays this no mind until he sees her with the man himself. An ugly feeling rears its head as he sees her laughing and smiling with a green haired man. If Albedo hadn’t been so observant he would have thought the man to be annoyed by her presence, but he notices how soft his eyes look at her and how he stands in a position ready to protect her if anything were to suddenly happen. When the man pulls a fallen leaf out of her hair, the ugly feeling grips harder.

Before he can stop, he realizes that he’s walking towards them. It’s too late to turn around as they notice him. “Welcome back, Lumine. May I ask who this is?”

Lumine shifts uncomfortably in place, she turns to hide herself a little. “Oh, uh, hello. This is Xiao, Xiao this is Albedo.”

“Is he the one you’ve spoken about in the past?” Xiao’s expression has lost its softness as he looks at Albedo.

Lumine hesitates to answer the question, nervous of his reaction. “Yes… yes he is.” She grabs his arm when she sees him tense up. “Please don’t do anything, it’s in the past. I just want to forget it happened.”

“Hmph, fine.”

“I shall take my leave. Enjoy your stay in Mondstadt and a pleasure to meet you Xiao.”

“I cannot say likewise.” He growls.

As Albedo walks away, he sees in the reflection of a store window that Lumine had kissed Xiao on the cheek.  Flustered Xiao turns away, but not without holding her hand in return.

“That could have been me.” The thought stakes its claim in his mind. As much as he tries and tries, he can’t smother the feeling of regret in his heart. He loves Lumine, but he hurt her, and now he can never have her. When he turned into his lab, he sunk down onto his knees and truly let the feeling sink in. He was a genius but clearly he still had much to learn, he just wished he had realized sooner what his teacher truly meant when she told him to learn the truth to this world.

He closed his eyes and hoped that if he were to ever be reborn he wouldn’t make the same mistake again, then let the darkness consume him.

[kalimagik]

Eyes for Her

James Potter x Reader

Marauders Era 

Word Count: ~2.5k

A/N: This is my submission for Millie’s ( @iliveiloveiwrite​ ) writing challenge! It took me some time to actually figure out the direction I wanted to take, but I think I found it and I hope you guys like it! I’m a sucker for a girl that can throw James Potter off his game ;) Feel free to like, comment, reblog, give me a follow! Even send an ask! (My next works will be the requests sitting in my inbox). Feedback always welcome! Happy Reading <3<3

Prompts: (bolded in text)

5. “Are you hitting on me?” “Only for the last year or so but thanks for noticing.”

8. “This is the part where you ask me out and I say yes.”

*Not my GIF! Credits to the owner 

They were friends. They were friends, right? Y/N knew that James existed, she was close with Sirius, so she was around all the Marauders a lot. James wouldn’t say that they were close - exactly. See, James Potter was always charming and smooth talking, especially with the girls in his year, but when it came to Y/N Y/L/N, he was tongue tied. Every. Single. Time.

There was just something about her that shut him down when she was around. He could barely get a coherent sentence out. She was just so beautiful and smart and had the ear of everyone the moment she opened her mouth to speak. Honestly, she could give James a run for his money. She could honestly take his spot in the Marauders and they wouldn’t even notice. Well, he did beat her in one area. He was a notorious ladies man. He’d flirt with them, charm them, but never actually date them because he only had eyes for her. James, recently, had been flirting with other girls more and more as a sort of practice for talking to Y/N. It hadn’t worked up to this point as it was already 6th year.

The other Marauders had noticed James struggle with this over the years and he was not living it down.

“Y/N’s helping me study tonight,” Sirius looked up at James in the Common Room. “You want to try and hang around tonight orrrr?” he smirked as the messy haired boy’s head shot up.

“You really hit a chord there,” Remus snickered, watching the scene unfold.

“Stuff it,” James spat. “I can do this. Tonight is the night I talk to her.”

“Talking is one thing. Will you get full sentences out is the real question.” Sirius pointed out.

James threw a pillow in Sirius’ direction to show the frustration he felt. The boys continued to tease him, but James stuck his nose in a book, pretending to read. In reality, he was planning what he could say to her in his head.

James was in the bathroom. He may or may not have been attempting to comb his hair before Y/N arrived. He looked into the mirror, mentally preparing himself.

“Hello, love. Good to see you. How did you do on that Charms exam? Mhmmm…maybe more aloof? Cheers! Good to see you helping Sirius, he could use all the help he can get –”

“I take personal offense to that one,” Sirius piped up, leaning against the door of the bathroom. “I think you should lead with a joke. That’s your best stuff, Prongs,” he chuckled, rubbing his neck nonchalantly.

“Snub off.” James acted coolly even though he felt wildly embarrassed to be caught in this situation. He was not supposed to be one of those guys that got nervous around a girl and practiced what to say in the mirror.

“Chill out,” Sirius shook his head. “I’m just telling you that she’s walking up here in like 5 minutes, so pull yourself together.”

James followed Sirius out of the bathroom, his hair as if he hadn’t ever combed it to begin with. He just sat on his bed when a knock sounded from the door.

“Ready there, Prongs? Can you act natural?” Lupin baited the short tempered boy.

James could only shoot him a look before Sirius opened the door for Y/N. James felt his voice caught in his throat the second she walked in. She just did everything so effortlessly. She seemed like she didn’t have a care in the world. He was usually like that, but why did she pull the cowardly lion out of him?

“Evening, lads,” she grinned that Cheshire smile. “What have we been up to in here?” she asked as she closed the door.

“James did some primping,” Peter giggled. James made a mental note to hex him later as he sent him a glare.

“For me, Jamesy?” Y/N chuckled before sitting at the foot of Sirius’ bed and opening a book.

“I- uhhh…ummmm, not necessarily…”

“So are you going to help me or not?” Sirius interjected. Despite all his teasing, he could be useful when James felt like he was drowning in front of this girl.

“Right. History of Magic. Why do you always need help for the most boring subject? Couldn’t Remus help you? He’s smart!”

“Moony has refused to help me study History of Magic. He says I make too much of a joke out of it.”

“You do!” Remus called from his four-poster.  

Once all the bantering settled down, the room did fall into a quiet, steady easiness. James pretended to be doing homework of his own while Y/N and Sirius went over Warlock Conventions and Goblin Revolutions. The dates and years too much for even James to follow. But, he wasn’t really paying attention to what they were studying. He was listening to the soft laughter that broke the silence every time Sirius made a joke. He was itching to say something, but what?

“Pads, you ever figure out the logistics of that prank?” Why had he said that? They didn’t even have a prank in the works. Sirius gave him a quizzical look that said he was thinking the same thing.

“Uhhh…” Sirius started.

“You guys are planning a prank? Can I help?” Y/N was fully interested.

This was not where he saw this going. He just wanted something to talk about, something so that she could hear that he could speak.

“Sirius, why didn’t you tell me? You said I could help with the next one!” Y/N playfully slapped Sirius’ arm as she turned back to James. “Tell me about it!”

“Uhhh…well, we were – uhhh…See, Remus concocted this charm and we were going too –” He was stumped there was no plan. He got all twisted up again. He shifted his glance from her focused face to Sirius’, only flashing a hint of ‘HELP ME!’ in his eyes.

James finally let out a sigh of relief as Sirius seamlessly took over. He was pulling bullshit out of thin air. James could usually do that. When Y/N left their room before curfew, James was breathing normally again.

“Hello, earth to James. Can you speak again?” Remus asked tentatively as James fell backwards onto his bed.

“That. Was. A. Disaster.” He spoke slowly, rubbing his hands over his eyes and under his glasses.

“You spoke a full sentence even if it wasn’t directly to her,” Peter offered.

“Shush!” James retaliated. “You literally told her I was primping earlier! I am in my right mind to hex you!” James tossed and turned as he went over the tragedy that turned into in front of Y/N. Maybe tomorrow would be better?

It was a new day and James successfully glided through his morning classes. He’d made a decision the previous night as he listened to Peter’s snores. He was going to ask her out today.

James peered around the corner to look at Y/N, trying to assess his plan of attack. She was surrounded by friends, but they all had been charmed by James before, they would be no issue. Maybe he should complement her or offer to carry her books? No, that would be weird. Or would it be sweet? Ughhh! Nothing seemed to be right!

“What are you doing, Prongs?” Sirius whispered in his ear. James jumped, not expecting anyone to talk to him. “Merlin, Padfoot! What did you do that for?”

“We’ve been standing here for 2 minutes!” James stood up to see that Peter and Remus were also standing behind him.

“You were doing that thing again where you watch Y/L/N.” Moony followed Sirius’s lead.

“Yeah, that’s getting pretty creepy, Prongs.” Sirius chuckled. James instinctively rubbed his hand across the back of his neck. He didn’t realize how embarrassing this actually was until they caught him. At least the other Marauders were the ones who caught him and not Snivellus.

“I’m trying to figure her out, okay?” James tried to defend himself. Now that he thought about it, maybe he had been staring at Y/N a little more than usual lately, but that was only because he was figuring out how to approach her on his own.

Around the corner, he could hear the echo of her laugh. Oh, that laugh. The first time he heard it, it sounded like Christmas bells ringing and it just floated across the air. There was something so genuine and happy about the sound. James was hypnotized from that moment on and he knew that he had to take her out or get close to her. He wanted to be the one causing that laugh.

“Prongs? Prongs! JAMES!” Sirius finally got his attention again. “Where did you go there?”

“Did you see the look in his eyes?” Peter teased. “He was obviously thinking about Y/N!!” Peter sang her name and for some reason, that pissed James off.

“It isn’t like that, okay?” James felt his temper starting to flare. They’d all had crushes before, so why was this one the end of the world?

“Why don’t you just breath and talk to her?” Moony asked, actually trying to give some advice or provide his friend with some guidance.

“Of course I have, you prat. The moment I start speaking, my voice just doesn’t work and I forget what I was going to say.”

“You dunce!” Sirius cut James off. “Are we even sure she knows who you are? We know she knows me, but are we sure that you aren’t just the boy that hangs around with us?” Sirius knew he was poking the bear.

“Of course she knows who he is! Everyone knows who James Potter is,” Peter beamed, looking towards James for approval.

“That means nothing. She messes with him occasionally, so we know that,” Remus shook his head.

“Remus is right,” Sirius agreed. “You need to woo her. Do something romantic. That’ll definitely get her attention!”

The other two boys nodded in agreement, but James just stared at them, trying to figure out where they were headed with this.

“What if he does something big in the Great Hall during dinner. If he says her name, then that would definitely get her attention.” Sirius seemed to be calculating what would happen in this big plan.

“Uhhh, guys?” James said.

“I don’t know if big would be the way to go,” Remus replied to Sirius. “Y/N definitely doesn’t WANT everyone looking at her all the time. What if he did something in the library? He could bring her something while she studies? Say she looked like she needed it?”

Peter’s eyes grew wide at the idea as James tried to interject again. “Hello? Mates?”

“Madam Pince would not like that at all.” Peter’s eyes showed fear as he thought about the librarian. “I had a cookie in there once and I still don’t think I can ever unhear her screams…” Peter’s face glazed over as he thought back.

“Wormtail might be right, Moony. There’s no way to scare away a girl like getting her in trouble with Madam Pince. What could he do?”

“You guys do know that I am still here, right?” James was practically waving his hands over his heads to get the other marauders to look at him.

“We know that,” Sirius rolled his eyes. “But you don’t get to be a part of planning this time, Prongs. You’ve messed it up too many times. So, we have decided to take matters into our own hands.”

The boys all stood around whispering while James listened, understanding that he was getting no input. Minutes went by and the ideas seemed to be getting more and more out of hand. If it wasn’t for Remus interjecting, Sirius would have James spelling her name in the sky on his broom. Why was he ridiculously romantic? The whole bad boy thing definitely was used to cover that up. The ideas seemed to be getting better until they were interrupted.

“What are you all doing?” Y/N’s voice spoke a little louder than Peter’s, who was giving his idea. “Are you planning that prank that James mentioned last night?”

“Uhhhh…” All boys were speechless. How did they explain this? They were caught in the act.

He didn’t know what it was, but James felt a surge of confidence and not embarrassment. “My mates were actually trying to help me figure out how to talk to you.”

Peter, Remus, and Sirius’ mouths all fell open, eyes widened to double their usual sizes.

“Talk to me?” Y/N raised an eyebrow.

“Yes, you, love.”

“Love, huh? You’ve never called me that before. All my friends, maybe, but not me.” Oh, how sassy she could be. “James, are you hitting on me?” Y/N asked, head cocked, eyes focused on the boy with glasses.

“Only been trying to for the last year or so, but thanks for noticing.”

“That can be hard to do when you only have so many words to work with.” 

James glanced up to see the smile on Y/N’s face growing, bottom lip between her teeth. The rest of the boys were still in awe that this was happening right now. “So, yeah they were trying to figure out how to make talking to you easier for me. Sirius was being all romantic with these crazy ideas, but Remus wasn’t sure if that would be your style. Peter had –”

“Woah! Woah! Potter!” James quit his nervous rambling the moment her sweet laughter filled his ears. “So if I got this straight, then this is the part where you ask me out and I say yes.” That Cheshire smile was back. The same one that made his heart flutter the night before.

James coughed to clear his throat, planning the words in his head. She looked at him expectantly. She literally just said that she would say yes, so why was he freezing now? “Uhh, right, okay, so Y/N, would you like to go out with me sometime?”

“Of course, James Potter. I thought you’d never ask! Pick me up for Hogsmeade on Saturday? 10 AM before everyone else leaves? We can grab lunch. See you later, lads,” Y/N waved to the other three before kissing James on the cheek and rejoining her friends.

“Did she-” Peter started.

“Just ask-” Remus followed.

“You out and plan the date?” Sirius followed, completely baffled. “I didn’t even know she liked you, mate!” Sirius slapped James on the back. The boy was still speechless. Did that really just happen? His heart was beating hard in his chest. It must’ve been doing that the whole time and he didn’t even know it.

“Well fellas, I guess I have a date to get ready for,” James grinned, watching Y/N walk away.

[chibsytelford]

The Bet

** GIF CREDIT TO CREATOR **

Anon requested // I won’t complain about stories about being lovers with EZ because he is honestly a babe! I don’t have too much, I’ve just seen lots of dialogue prompts and this caught my eye. “Apparently all our friends have a bet going that we end up together.” & “i really want to kiss you right now” “do it then” and it is just so cute !!!

Authors note - I'm back after a small break and reallynwanted to write again. I chose my second love EZ and I hope you all enjoy! Thanks for the request anon ❤

@everyhowlmarksthedead @rebel-without-cause-x @angelreyesgirl @lady-pswrld @minnicelli @starrynite7114 @sadeyesgf @thewarriorprincessxo @trulysuccubus @destynelseclipsa @aquamento @peaches007 @thisishowdynastiesareborn @xx--day-dreamer--xx @i-love-scott-mccall @deeandbobbymcgee @angelxshiba @blessedboo @scuzmunkie @sheeshgivemeabreak @elcococruz @talicat713 @jadesamhart @fangirlingaesthetics @gemini0410 @multiyfandomgirl40 @mayans-sauce

Sitting on the barstool, drink in your hand, you can't help but feel a little jealous of the croweater who is currently inches away from EZ, hanging on his every word, playing with her hair - hair you wouldn't mind ripping off her head right about now - and occasionally reaching out to brush his arm. You didn't think EZ was that type of person but what you didn't know was that he was doing it for a reaction from you, and judging by your face, it was working.

EZ and Angel were your bestfriends. You grew up with the Reyes brothers and when they joined the MC you were immediately part of the crew aswell. It broke your heart that you were only friends with one Reyes brother specifically. Ezekiel. And every single party you had to sit and watch him entertain the croweaters all night. You would never tell him though, you definitely valued your friendship and the risk of that ending over EZ not feeling the same way was something you didn't want to happen.

"What's with the face?" Angel came over and pinched your cheeks causing you to stop scowling and start to smile instead.

"There is no face Angel" you swatted his hand away and pivoted your body so you could no longer see EZ and the croweater. You weren't sure if it was obvious you had feelings for EZ, you did try and hide them and you definitely hadn't told anyone, but you were sure you heard some of the other men had some sort of bet that the two of you would end up together. A bet that would never happen but you definitely have some sort of hope that one day that might change.

Angel spun you around again on the stool until he had you facing the entrance to the clubhouse. "See him" Angel pointed and you followed his finger to a man of medium height, some tattoos, short brown hair and a cute smile. It wasn't an EZ Reyes smile, but you couldn't lie and say he wasn't good looking.

"Mhmmm" you said knowing fine well Angel was trying to set you up with him, for a relationship or just the night. You thought he definitely didn't know of your feelings towards his little brother.

"He's single and ready to mingle" Angel smirked waggling his eyebrows suggestively "why don't you go talk to him?" It wasn't a question that Angel was waiting for you to answer because he had already lifted you off the stool and pushed you in the direction of the unknown man.

"Hi" you awkwardly said as you stood in front of him "I hope you don't mind me coming over to introduce myself, I'm Y/N" you said extending your hand for him to shake.

"I'm Andreas" he replied offering you his hand and you took it in your much smaller one, giving it a small shake.

"What is someone like you doing here?" Andreas asked pulling you a bit closer to him so you could hear him. He left his hand on the small of your back.

"I'm friends with Angel and EZ" you answered turning around so you could point to them.

You didn't have to look very hard for EZ because he was standing right behind you. Like right behind you.

"There you are Y/N, it's time to go" was all EZ said before he took you by the hand and lead you away from Andreas. You weren't even annoyed, you were to busy admiring your hand in EZs. It felt nice, right, perfect.

He stopped when you were standing off to the side of the bar and he turned around. "Who was that?" He questioned dropping your hand and you instantly missed the warmth.

"Andreas. I don't know him. Angel said I should talk to him" you answered dropping your hands to the side of your body.

"Of course Angel did" EZ mumbled scratching his head.

"I could ask you the same thing with the croweater?" You shot back with a bit more venom than you meant.

Your comment caused EZ to smile and he gave the thumbs up to someone behind you both. Turning round you noticed it was pretty much the whole MC, Angel included. He was standing front and centre with the biggest smirk on his face. He looked like he belonged back in secondary school.

"What is that?" You asked gesturing to his thumbs up and the crew behind. You had no clue what was going on right now and you were hoping EZ was about to explain.

"Angel told me you liked me, ya know? More than a friend. And he knows I like you. So he apparently came up with this plan of you speaking to Andreas, to get me to intervene because he knew I'd be jealous" EZ explained. You stopped listening after EZ admitted he liked you.

"Angel is wrong" you stated "I don't like you" you noticed the smile drop from EZs face swiftly and you instantly felt bad for leaving him hanging and worried. "I don't like you, because I love you" you finished the sentence.

It took EZ a couple of seconds to register what you had said. "Shit, he didn't think it was that strong" EZ said more to himself before walking away leaving you standing there.

You couldn't actually believe you had just told your bestfriend you were in love with him, and the asshole left you standing there like it was nothing. You knew he didn't love you back, he even said so himself that he only liked you, but he could have at least said something else before walking away.

You left the clubhouse and the cool of the night on your face felt so good. You didn't feel claustrophobic anymore. Hurt? Yes. Embarrassed? Yes. But that was it.

"Y/N!!" You recognised the voice as EZs and the last thing you wanted was to speak to him but you found yourself stopping anyway, letting him catch up with you. "Where are you going?"

"Home, you left me standing like an idiot Ezekiel, after I told you I loved you, where do you expect me to be going?" You snapped back and you noticed the guilt on his face.

"Shit sorry, I was just giving Coco the money I owed him. He swore you were in love with me, Angel didn't think it was that deep. Apparently all our friends have a bet going that we end up together".

"You left me standing there to give Coco money?" You laughed shaking your head. Any other time you'd be pissed but you just wanted to keep this conversation going with EZ.

"Yeah I know I'm stupid" he admitted.

"That's one word for you Ezekiel Reyes" you teased.

"I can make it up to you?" He offered once again scratching the back of his head, a thing you noticed he did when he was nervous.

"Oh yeah how?" You answered back.

"Well, I really wanna kiss you right now" he admitted and he took the breath out of you with his confession, that's the last thing you expected to hear coming from your bestfriends mouth.

"Do it then" you replied and that was all the confirmation EZ needed. He put one hand on your cheek and the other behind your neck and he pressed his firm but soft lips against yours and you swore there were fireworks going of behind you, the kiss was that magical.

He pulled away first leaning his forehead against yours. "God I've been waiting forever for you do that" you said stroking the back of EZs head.

"Well, I'll be kissing you forever and ever now" he replied pressing his lips against yours once more.

The sound of cheering and laughing pulled you both out of the kiss and you looked behind EZ to find Angel, Coco and Gilly whooping and hollering like teenagers.

"Go on boyscout!" Coco shouted as Angel shouted "get some bro!" And Gilly just stood there smiling like a goofball.

"Fucking finally" Angel said pulling you both in for a hug and patting your backs. "The sexual tension was killing me" he laughed shaking his head.

[neutron-stars-collision]

The Art of Inversion

Neil x Reader

Chapter 10 - Enjoy the Silence

Masterlist ; Chapter 9

Summary: You finally get to have that conversation with Neil. Only he is desperate to make your life harder in every way. At the same time, operation in Kiev is about to begin, setting the pieces into motion...

Warnings: Cursing.

Author’s Notes: Okay, I’m genuinely sorry for how long this is but it’s clear I’ve got no self-control (and neither does Neil). Hope you enjoy and please let me know what you think! 

PS. From next chapter we’re entering the main movie plot... but with necessary changes. Can’t wait!

You have not realised how late it got until Neil lead you through the reception area on your way to the designated ‘talking’ place. For a moment, you had the strongest desire to tell him that you are busy and lock yourself in your room for the remainder of the evening. But the more reasonable part of your brain knew that the conversation was needed to stop the further agony of what-ifs. And so, without further questions or complaints, you let Neil lead you through building. One could suppose that was one of your fatal flaws – letting Neil do whatever the hell he wanted to you.

The moment you realised he had led you to his own quarters in the building, you had to make sure you were on the same page with this. Because that did not look good…

“Um… are you sure that’s the best place to talk after everything?” you eyed him warily before letting yourself scan the room.

His quarters were certainly bigger than what recruits like you have gotten. He had a large bedroom with a bathroom and a smaller living room area with a sofa and coffee table. It was all rather impersonal in the details and made you wonder if he had an apartment somewhere in London. But that was a question to ask another time.

“Why not?” Neil smiled at you innocently “It’s private and cosy. What more could you want?”

As you watched, he took off the burgundy tie and undid the first two buttons of his shirt, all the while looking at you with playful sparks in his eyes. Right… so he’s not going to make this easy.

“Neutrality?” you arched your eyebrow, trying not to give in this time.

“If you’re worried that I’ll jump you right here and now, then don’t. That’s not what I want from this” he met your gaze coolly, as though trying to challenge you.

As usual, you were grateful for the distance you have managed to maintain so far. His words have set off the tension you have felt since Paris. It only got worse after your little corridor accident.

“Could’ve fooled me”

You won the staring contest as Neil backed off after thirty seconds and awkwardly cleared his throat. Great start to the potentially disastrous conversation, you mused while observing his somewhat chaotic movements around the room. Finally, he must have found what he wanted because he turned back to you.

“Right, how about we settle on the sofa with some wine and go from there?” you could tell he was nervous from the look in his eyes and fidgeting hands.

It was somewhat more encouraging to see him like that. Especially with the restlessness that you were feeling.

“Sounds good” you have mustered a small smile and sat down on one end of the settee.

He must have understood your concerns as he took the seat on the opposite end and set two wine glasses on the table. Then, with a small smirk, he stretched his long legs on the sofa, nearly making his feet land in your lap. So much for distance. You glared at him but then decided to play along, entangling your legs with his so that you were both facing each other. As long as you could ignore the occasional brush of his foot against your thigh, it was not such a bad position to be in. You both sipped wine in silence as though trying to gather up the courage to speak. Finally, after two minutes, Neil set down his glass and focused all his attention on you:

“What did Jasper tell you about me?”

Straight to the point. 

“Why does it matter?” you shifted, trying to get rid of the rising nervousness.

“Because I need to explain how it’s complete bullshit” the intensity of his blue eyes was doing nothing to help ease the tension.

You knew that repeating the cruel words will be like opening a fresh wound. But there was no other choice. You let out a breath you did not know you were holding and started blurting out:

“He said that I’m just another woman you flirt with. That I’m no different from the rest. That you don’t care about me or anyone else” you looked down at your lap, feeling a rush of feelings once again.

Now that he knew what was bothering you, it would be harder to pretend you did not care. But then, after what happened earlier, it was all probably quite clear to him… It’s not like you were unresponsive to his persuasions. And he knew that all too well.

“He’s wrong” Neil’s voice brought you back to the present moment “That kiss, well, all three of them” you looked up to see him grin smugly at the choice of words “I wanted that”

Okay, that was something. But you knew he could tell that you were not convinced as he quickly added:

“I admit I flirt with everyone, but only with you I actually mean it”

But still…

“Why?” you could not formulate all the questions, so you hoped that would do.

You watched his face light up charmingly. You were so gone.

“Because you’re you” he shrugged as though that explained everything.

“What does that mean?” you risked meeting his gaze and soon regretted it.

He was staring at you with the same adoration you have seen before. Only this time, it was somehow worse as he also placed his hand on your knee and left it there. You could tell he knew exactly what he was doing.

“You’re fascinating, interesting…” you felt your face heat up as his eyes roamed across your face slowly “Beautiful” he smirked and slid his hand down to your calf “And so much fun to be around”.

Your eyes widened. That was not what you expected from the conversation. The way he looked at you made you want to believe him.

“I guess what I want to say is that for me none of this was meaningless” his eyes searched yours, looking for a sign that you understood “I’m aware that we barely know each other, but I want to change that”

“Okay…” you exhaled before gathering strength to take over the conversation.

His fingers lightly brushing over your exposed skin on the ankle were not helping. When you glared at him, he stopped the movement but still kept his hand there, with a little smirk. You closed your eyes and took a deep breath before saying:

“I really like you” it felt both exhilarating and terrifying to admit out loud. You opened your eyes to see Neil with that shit-eating grin on his face.

Asshole.

You kicked him in the shin rather forcefully and enjoyed the affronted face he made.

“What was that for?” he rubbed the spot with a frown.

“Being a smug bastard” you shrugged and took a large gulp of wine.

“Fair enough” he nodded and smiled at you with encouragement.

Okay… let’s try again. You still were not sure what to tell him, but one thing was clear. You wanted to know him better before getting involved too fast and too strongly. The worry about the upcoming operations was occupying your mind as well. You could only hope he would understand. And cooperate.

“I like you. And I... think it’s kind of crazy that I know exactly the sound you’d make if I tugged on your hair mid-kiss but don’t know what your favourite colour is” when the last word left your mouth, you met his gaze warily.

He eyed you curiously before grinning widely. His hand was back on your ankle, long fingers brushing against the skin thoughtfully.

“Olive green”

“...point still stands” you glared at him, trying to hide the shivers caused by his touch.

The conversation was far from done, and you desperately tried to focus. Some things still had to be said. You exhaled and straightened your back. Any help was welcomed at this point.

“As much as I enjoyed ‘this’” you knew he understood from the way his eyes lit up “What I need right now is a friend... I don’t want to get involved just as things are about to get worse. So can we try that? Just being friends?” once you finished the thought, you searched his face for a reaction.

He did not look too surprised. Instead, he smirked mischievously, and you groaned. Fuck.

“Whatever you want, love” he leaned over your entangled legs, letting his hand travel upwards and then wrapped it around your thigh “But I won’t always promise to behave”

He met your gaze with wicked sparks in his eyes and brushed his thumb over the inside of your thigh. Your mind went blank. Neil must have noticed that as he bit his lip and started tracing small circles there. Despite the layer of jeans, you tensed at the touch. But then, that one last particle of reason in your brain woke up. Thankfully so.

“Have you got no self-control?” you swatted his hand away and hugged your legs to your chest to avoid the temptation.

“With you? Barely” he shrugged apologetically.

But the look in his eyes was far from remorseful. You noticed a change in his eye colour again. The blue got darker, and you wondered how on earth you got yourself into the situation. And why was he so hard to say no to. But instead, you chose to point out the obvious:

“Pretty sure you just said you wouldn’t jump me” warily, you scooted further away from him.

That did not do much as his darkened eyes roaming over your body were as bad as his touch.

“I’m not. This is seduction” he undid another button on his shirt to prove the point.

“God I hate you” you shot daggers in his direction.

“Mhmmm, I beg to differ with that” he smiled way too smugly and reached out to squeeze your shoulder.

You nearly jumped at the touch, which only made his grin wider.

“This what I meant when I said that you’re fun” you relaxed into his touch and risked a look at him.

This time it seemed like he got over whatever possessed him a minute earlier. You looked at him pleadingly, wishing the conversation somehow went back on track. He understood, as he always did.

“If that’s what you want then, of course, we can try being friends. For a while, to see how things go” he smiled at you softly and squeezed your hand reassuringly.

Now that he said it, you no longer knew if that was the best idea. But it had to be, right?

“That’s what I meant. I want time to figure things out” you finally found your voice again and interlocked your fingers with his on reflex.

Maybe that was sending mixed signals, but who were you to know. Especially after the mess that your relationship was so far.

“And you never know, maybe after all this is over, you’ll realise Anna is the love of your life” you added to light up the atmosphere.

You had to ignore the hollow feeling that thought left in your heart. Neil just smiled and took a sip from the wine glass. The silence that fell then was strange, not awkward but not entirely comfortable either. But maybe that was just your tendency to overthink. Before you could get lost in that dark corner of your thoughts, he asked:

“So how have you been?” you both glanced at your joined hands.

It seemed that you decided it was okay at the same time. Neil moved closer to you, his shoulder brushing against yours, as you thought about the answer to the question.

“Apart from wanting to kill Jasper every day for three weeks and being worried about what’s ahead, I’m alright, I think” you shrugged “I became friends with Ives, and we train together daily”

“You like him?”

“Yeah, he’s a welcomed distraction” you laughed “And his straightforward attitude can be very helpful” you admitted with a smile.

“I’ll have to come to see your sparring session then. Check if you got any better” he lightly bumped his shoulder against yours.

“Oh c’mon” you returned the gesture, “Ives says there’s progress, so I believe him”

“Of course”

After another thoughtful pause, you decided to bring up another topic that has been on your mind for a while.

“How’s your wound?” you eyed him warily.

“It’s pretty much healed” he smiled “Just a little scar left. Can show you if you’d like” the smirk was back.

“No, please don’t. I’ve seen enough already” you showed him your horrified facial expression and enjoyed the laugh it prompted.

“Another day then” he winked, and it was your time to snicker.

“Ives told me you were in India” you spoke when you calmed down “But there’s no point in asking why is there?”

“Unfortunately not, sorry. But if that’s any consolation, I was probably even more bored than you were in Paris” he sighed.

“Doubt that” you scoffed “Heard you were there with Wheeler and others. Surely they kept you company”

“Well, yes… but that company lacked a certain spark” he tightened his hold on your hand, and you blushed.

Maybe all the jealousy was, in fact, for nothing? You glanced at the watch. It was late in the evening.

“I’ve got an early meeting with Ives, so I should probably get going soon” you finished the wine and glanced at Neil.

It was good to have him back. You enjoyed the way the dim light made his hair look almost golden. And how his blue eyes always showed so much emotion. Now they were soft and full of fondness.

“Of course, wouldn’t want you late for that” with a small hesitation you let go of his hand.

There was just one more question you had to ask.

“Are we alright?” you bit your lip nervously and chose to stare at the carpet.

“Of course we are” he tipped your chin to look into your eyes “I’ll see you around tomorrow”

“Yeah, sure” you smiled and moved to stand up.

Before you could go that far, Neil leaned in and kissed you on the cheek. It was one of those kisses that lasted too long to be strictly platonic. In response, you could only let out a shaky breath.

“Good night, love” he smiled upon seeing your startled face “Sleep well”.

“Good night” you squeezed his hand and left the room.

*** The next day, after you surprisingly made it to the gym on time, Ives welcomed you with a somewhat knowing smile on his face. You could only pray that Anna was too traumatised to tell anyone what she saw.

“Morning” he smiled at you and gave you a traditional half hug.

“Hi” you yawned and cursed your own tiredness.

Last night it was somewhat hard to fall asleep after everything that happened. So you stared at the ceiling for hours, desperately trying not to overthink the moment in the corridor or the conversation after. It was difficult to tell if you have made the right choices. But only time could determine that. But now there were other things to focus on. You smiled at Ives, who was eyeing you curiously.

“So now that Neil’s back... did you kiss and make up?” that smile was way too cheeky.

Your eyes widened, and you ignored the strong desire to slap him. Instead, you huffed and sent him a murderous glare.

“We talked.”

“If that’s what you want to call it”

That was enough, you stepped closer and punched him in the shoulder. But, of course, he blocked it with ease, grinning even wider.

“How do you even know that he’s back?”

“He came to see me straight from the airport and asked if I know where he can find you”

Oh…

“After that, I’ve not seen him or you around, so I can only assume he succeeded” Ives shrugged, and you tried hard to maintain a neutral face.

Somehow you assumed that Neil took time to rest before you seeking you out. But maybe he actually missed you as much as he wanted you to believe… You sighed and decided to think about all this later.

“Ready?” Ives took his position on the mat.

“Sure” you mirrored his stance and put up your guard.

You only got as far as few punches in before you heard the door creak and then a sound of someone clearing their throat.

“Sorry to interrupt the fun you’re undoubtedly having” you turned at the sound of Neil’s voice.

He was standing in the doorway with a small smile on his face. When your eyes met, his lips curled into a smirk, and he winked. You rolled your eyes in response but took the time to eye him up quickly. The relaxed, tie-less look with rolled-up sleeves was certainly growing on you.

“Good morning, mate” Ives was the first one to cross the room and give Neil a shoulder squeeze “What’s up?”

“TP called. He wants us to have a video chat with him in twenty minutes” you approached them both “Morning, love” Neil beamed at you.

“Hey” you were conscious of Ives’ attentive stare on you both “Who does he mean by ‘us’?”

“Me and you” Neil replied, never taking his eyes off you “Ives, you’ll have a call with him afterward” only then he briefly looked at his colleague.

“Sure” Ives gave you both a pat on the back “Good luck, lovebirds”

What even… You glared at him and mouthed a few curses. But he was clearly enjoying himself too much. He grinned at your horrified expression and turned his back on you both. Neil was suspiciously quiet. You followed him out into the corridor and asked:

“Everything alright?” you reached out and placed your hand on his forearm. He looked down at you with a small smile.

“Of course” he searched your eyes “Don’t mind Ives, he’s just like that”

You just nodded. Neil patiently waited for you in your room as you got changed before you both went into the conference room. You sat down at the table while Neil called TP. Once the connection was reached, you saw the boss’s face on the large projector screen in front.

“It’s good to see you both” TP smiled as Neil took his seat in front of you.

“You too” you grinned “So let me guess, this is about Kiev?”

“Great guess” TP laughed but then quickly sobered up “It’s happening on the 14th of April, so…” he trailed off, and you both looked at your phones simultaneously.

It was the 9th of April. You looked up to see Neil staring at you thoughtfully. You met his gaze before you both remembered about the ongoing call and turned towards the screen. TP was looking at you with a small smile on his face, and you remembered all that he said about you and Neil. If he really came from the future, you could see why he had the conclusions that he did. 

“In five days, there will be a siege of the Kiev Opera. The original aim of the operation, the reasons why it’s being stormed, are of no importance here. What matters to you is that my younger self will be there in the opera house as a part of the rescue mission” when TP stopped speaking, you finally remembered to inhale.

So it was true then…

“What’s the task?” Neil was back in the full professional mode you have seen him take on during missions and briefings.

“You’ll have to get into the opera house and be on hand in case I… well, he needed help. The main goal is to make sure he makes it out alive. The rest is not up to you” TP looked at Neil, and you had the feeling there was another conversation going on.

You let them exchange a few meaningful looks before asking:

“Am I correct to assume that only Neil is needed for this one?”

“Yes” TP smiled apologetically, “But I wanted you to know everything because it will help you understand better what will happen next”

“Okay… so do I have to do anything for this mission?”

“I was informed by your teachers that you’ve got excellent planning and logistics skills” your eyes widened at the unexpected compliment “So you’ll help Neil with preparation using the documents I’ll send over”

“Thanks” you blushed while still recovering from the praise.

“So, just to make sure I got it right… I have to enter the opera, stay away from trouble, and watch over past you to make sure you make it out alive?” Neil summarised the information.

“Yep. But you can’t engage with me in any way. That’s very important” TP leaned forward, staring at Neil with a serious gaze.

“Darkened visor on the gas mask?” Neil smirked knowingly.

“Exactly” they both grinned.

“I’ve got a question… how do you know it has to be Neil?” you frowned, trying to wrap your head around the facts.

“Spoilers”

“Of course” you sighed dejectedly and chose to stare at the table.

You felt Neil touch your shoulder reassuringly and glanced up to meet his sparkling blue eyes. You just nodded at the unspoken question and focused back on the mission.

“What’s next then?” you asked.

“After Kiev, others will have their parts to play. Neil, you will be needed in Mumbai, but we’ll talk about that later. Then, you’ll both have your roles determined by what happens” seeing your uncertain expression, he added, “Wish I could be more specific but trust me, once it begins, you’ll know what to do”

“Okay… Final question, if I can” you felt stupid with how much you did not understand.

But both men were looking at you with encouraging smiles.

“How will you know who to protect in the opera?” you looked at Neil “Because I assume everyone will be in tactical gear”

“After so many years of working together, it’s not hard to recognize partner in the field” Neil and TP traded another knowing smile.

“Fair enough”

Fuck knows why you were jealous. You took a deep breath, trying to ignore the ridiculous emotions, and suddenly wished for the meeting to be over. Nothing seemed to get past Neil’s attentive gaze, and soon you felt him lightly nudge your knee with his underneath the table.

“You okay?” it was worrying how quickly he managed to learn you so well.

“Yeah” the lie rolled off your tongue easily.

But Neil did not buy it, judging by how he narrowed his eyes and tried to read your mind. You turned back to look at TP and asked:

“Should I stay here for now?”

“Yeah, I’ll let you both know when you’re needed in the HQs or elsewhere” then he scanned your expressions thoughtfully and added, “Think this is all for today. I’ll send over the documents”

“When is my plane to Kiev?” only now Neil stopped his scrupulous study of your face.

“In two days, so you’ll have time to do some on-field research. Good luck, and you know how to reach me if the situation goes south”

“Thanks”

“Y/N” you turned towards the screen at the mention of your name “Good luck to you too for dealing with this idiot” he grinned at Neil’s protests “I’m here if you ever need therapy” with that, he ended the call.

You laughed at Neil’s affronted face.

*** Planning the mission with Neil went well. Or almost well, if one chose not to ignore the few times you wanted to throw a mug full of hot coffee at him just to shut him up. The plan seemed rather easy. All he had to do was perform some on-field research around the opera house in Kiev, enter the building on the 14th of April unnoticed and make sure TP leaves it alive. In total, you estimated that he would be back in four days. Your job was to stay in touch with him, monitor any suspicious activity around the opera, and notify him of potential issues. It seemed easy enough to do. Or so you hoped.

On the evening before his flight, Neil appeared on your doorstep with the ever-charming smile:

“What do you want?” you refused to give him the satisfaction of seeing how pleasantly surprised you were.

“Thought we could have a little chat in the common room with drinks” he looked at you earnestly.

You already knew you would say yes. But, to keep up the appearances, you pretended to think before asking:

“Just me and you?”

“Ives will be there too if that’s any encouragement” Neil leaned on the doorframe and peeked into your room curiously.

“Yes, actually” you enjoyed the slightly taken aback face he made “I’ll join, just give me a sec” opening the door wider for him, you disappeared into the bathroom.

Aware of Neil, observing you, you brushed your hair and fixed make-up. You could see him watching your every move in the mirror.

“Who’s all that for?” he asked, once you’ve given yourself a quick once-over.

“Ives, naturally” you turned around to see his shocked expression.

Finally, a win.

“Are you ready?” feigning impatience, you sighed exasperatedly.

“I can see what you’re doing” he narrowed his eyes as he opened the door for you “Trying to appear all disinterested”

You started walking down the corridor, side by side, hands brushing every few steps.

“Don’t know what you’re talking about” you hummed nonchalantly, enjoying the brief moment of absolute control.

For once, Neil did not argue. Instead, he grabbed your hand and interlocked fingers. So much for trying to stay away.

“Why did you only agree when I mentioned Ives?”

Was that jealousy? You side-eyed him before responding.

“Maybe then you’ll behave” you pulled your hand away and entered the common room without waiting for him.

You made a promise to yourself to genuinely try and be friends. And you were not going to give in so soon.

You quickly spotted Ives, who grinned seeing you approach.

“Was hoping you’d come as I didn’t want to spend the whole evening with moping Neil missing his crush” as soon as he spoke, you slapped him on the shoulder.

“Shut up” luckily, Neil was still loitering in the doorway, speaking to someone you did not recognize “Or I’ll change my mind”

The threat worked as Ives put up his hands in defence and laughed.

“It’s okay, love” then he smirked “But it’s true and you know it”

You glared, seeing Neil make his way towards your corner. He sat down on the empty armchair and raised his eyebrows.

“Have I missed anything?”

“Nope” you shot a final warning glance at Ives before diving straight for the vodka on the table.

One small drink wouldn’t hurt.

Once you all were equipped with drinks, Ives broke the silence:

“How’s the Kiev action looking?”

“Should be a piece of cake” Neil shrugged “I’m more concerned about everything beyond that since we barely have any information”

“Thought it’s just me who’s kept in the dark by the TP” Ives glanced at you both.

“I only know that I’ll be ‘needed’ for Kiev and then after” you replied while shrugging dejectedly “But what for…” you trailed off and took a swig from the glass.

“To be fair, with those shooting and planning skills, I wouldn’t be surprised if you were the one who will keep this whole thing together” you looked up at Neil at his words.

“Is that supposed to be a compliment?” you met his gaze curiously.

That was a mistake, as once again, you felt yourself get lost in the feelings you saw there.

“Take it whatever way you want to” he winked at you.

You stared back, trying to convey the annoyance through your glare. After gazing at each other for close to a minute, you heard Ives groan loudly:

“If you two are gonna just keep on staring at each other longingly, can you spare me a warning beforehand?”

Jesus, no… You felt your face grow warm and the desperate need to run away returned. Neil rolled his eyes at his colleague.

“Right…” he coughed awkwardly “How about we tell Y/N about that action in Tokyo two years ago?” he looked at you apologetically “Think you’d enjoy the story” his hand twitched as though he wanted to reach out to you.

You were torn between wanting to leave and to hold his hand. But for now, you had to settle for another sip of the drink and wringing your own hands nervously. Ives was still watching you attentively before he sighed and gave in, starting the tale mentioned by Neil. Hearing them share the stories from past missions made the awkwardness go away for the rest of the evening. You enjoyed the dynamic of the two, especially how they teased each other and made you laugh as a result. You liked how Neil always explained the inside jokes so you would not feel lost within the narrative. Only once you all finished the second round of drinks and realised that the common room was empty, you remembered about the passage of time. Neil cursed while looking at his watch.

“Worried you’ll miss the plane?” Ives grinned at his distressed face.

“Maybe…” he sighed “Guess I just have to accept eternal sleep deprivation”

“Good luck mate” Ives gave him another pat on the back and the turned to you “I want to talk to you for a sec… but first I’ll leave you two to do your thing”

You did not like the knowing smirk Ives left with. But you could only turn to Neil, who was staring at you with a rather dazed expression. Suddenly you felt awkward again.

“I’ll probably start early so I won’t wake you up” Neil was nervous too, for some reason.

“This is goodbye then?” you shifted, trying to somehow make the situation more bearable.

“Yeah… It’s just four days though” he smile half-heartedly, and you mirrored him unconsciously.

You watched as he slightly shook his head and took a few steps closer to you. Then he smiled gently:

“For friends, a handshake would be enough, but that’s not us, is it?” he took your hands in his and met your gaze.

“I-“ as usual, you were speechless.

Neil grinned, seeing your absolute confusion, and placed his hands on your shoulders.

“Oh, come here” he laughed and pulled you into a hug.

Instantly you embraced him tightly and relaxed into his chest, with your head resting in the crook of his neck. You inhaled the scent you came to associate with him and felt the nervousness dissolve. It was an undeniable fact that he felt like home and safety to you. And that was something to deal with in the quiet of your own mind. 

“We should hug more often. It’s nice” he kissed the top of your head while rubbing soothing patterns into the skin of your back.

Right…

“Are you drunk?” that seemed like the only plausible explanation.

“No, just happy” you could practically hear the grin in his voice.

His words made you realise that the peace you felt was probably the closest to bliss in a while. Using the bout of courage, you pressed a small kiss to his neck, just above the shirt collar. He gasped at the contact and tightened his grip. After what felt like five minutes, you decided to take a step back and took a look at him. You smoothed his ruffled hair and smiled.

“Be safe out there” you took his hand in yours and squeezed it.

“Always” he grinned, looking at you with happy sparks in his eyes “And you better pick up my calls this time”

“Wouldn’t dare not to”

Before you could react, Neil leaned in and kissed you on the forehead gently. Then he searched your eyes one last time, as though making sure you noticed all the affection he held in his gaze.

“Good night” he waved at you.

“Night-night, Neil” you beamed at him, watched him disappear with a weary smile on your face.

What a mess, you mused and walked back to the entrance, with the intent to catch Ives. But he beat you to it and was already standing in the doorway with a confused expression on his face.

“What’s wrong?” you asked, looking around for any sign of trouble.

“Anna popped into the common room while you and Neil were… having your little moment” he glanced at you “Then, just as quickly, she walked out with the worst scowl on her face I’ve ever seen”

You could only face plant into the nearby wall and close your eyes.

“Bloody hell give me a break” you mumbled, as though the wall held all the answers.

“What have I missed?” Ives’ clueless question was almost adorable. Almost.

[dreams-of-a-lark]

(Lark and Elias’s first and last photos together)

TASK 1: THE LAST DAY

January 11, 2016 7:00 AM, EST 12:00 PM, GMT

“Lark, you know I love you—”

“Boring.”

“Mmm fair. It’s fine, I have others. How about this one? Lark, you mean more to me than—” 

“Erh! Nope. Try again.”

“Oh, come on, you barely let me start!”

“Boo hoo… I knew where you were going with it. Got anything else?”

“Just one more, I was saving this one for last. It’s the best one I have, so will you let me actually get going before you stop me this time?” 

“Maybe. Compel me and we’ll see. I want to see you dig into the deep recesses of your soul, pull out your raw, still-beating heart and lay it bare. Otherwise, what am I even here for?”

“You’re unbelievable. But fine… Ahem...” Elias closed his eyes and let out a deep, shuttered sigh, “Lark. Before I met you, I had lost almost all faith in humanity. I found it impossible to believe that anyone acted with genuinely good intentions. I was bitter, cynical, lonely… and then, just as I was on the precipice of giving up on people entirely, there you were. Right on time. This pure light, banishing all my shadows. You are everything I was once sure didn’t exist in reality, but also the most real thing I’ve ever encountered.

The sheer amount of love you have to give blows me away. Love isn’t something you keep a reserve of only for certain special people. For you, love permeates the air around you everywhere you go and anyone lucky enough to meet you or know you gets to breathe it freely. Lark, you are so good, with no expectations or conditions attached to it, but just because it’s your nature. You make me want to be better everyday now, whereas before… I was just working on the motivation to be, period point blank. 

I have had the unfathomable privilege to breathe your love everyday for the past eight years and I hope you’ve felt even a fraction of what you’ve given me reflected back to you. Because, Lark, I love you more than I have the words to say. I love you with every last bit of life in me and I want to love you and feel your love for just that long, until the very last bit of life leaves me and I’m returned to the earth. I don’t know where I’ll be in the next five, ten, fifty years, all I know is I want to be wherever you are. So, Lark Dorian Crain, will you marry me?”

A silence hung in the air accompanied only by a faint mechanical whirring and the low buzz of an LCD screen. Katie finally broke it, her voice glitching and tinny through Elias’s small laptop speakers, “Better.” She said simply.

“Seriously? That’s it?” Elias replied, his voice laden with shock and disappointment.

“Don’t get me wrong, it’s beautiful, definitely a solid start. I almost teared up a few times. But, as all first drafts go, it could use some improvement.”

“It’s not my first draft, though…”

“Eh, feels like a first draft, love.”

“You know, sometimes it’s almost impossible to believe you’re related to Lark, let alone twins?”

“To be fair, do you know anyone in our family that’s really like Lark?”

“Eleanor.”

“Not related to us, stupid.”

“Mmm.. true. Ugh! Katydid... What do I Katy-do?”

“Well, for starters, you could never do whatever that just was again. Secondly, stop worrying about it, seriously. Knowing Lark, you could throw the ring across the deck and say, ‘go fetch if you wanna marry me’ and he’ll be running for it in an instant.”

Elias rolled his eyes, but smiled fondly at the thought of Lark bounding eagerly around the ship. It filled his heart whenever he thought of Lark’s joy, to think he had the power to bring so much of it to the surface baffled him endlessly.

“I’m so nervous,” he admitted.

“You don’t need to be,” Katie reassured him, “All jokes aside, it’s beautiful, and Lark loves you so much. You may not have moved me to tears, but you’ll definitely move him to tears. And then he’s going to blush like a damned schoolgirl and say yes a million times, like the sappy romantic he is.”

“You think so?”

“If he doesn’t, call an exorcist immediately, because that’s not Lark.”

Elias scoffed, but this was comforting encouragement to hear. Nothing he didn’t secretly already know, but it didn’t hurt to be reminded when he was feeling self-conscious. He breathed in deeply, filling up his cheeks with air, then puffing it back out through the small ‘o’ his mouth formed. 

“You’re right, I know.”

“I know you know. Listen, I’ve got to get back to work, love. I can call you when I get off, if you want, but you really should just enjoy your time with him today. Just act like it’s any other day... on a fancy cruise ship with the love of your life. Right?” 

Elias nodded, “Right. No need to call me back, you’re right. I’m just going to enjoy the day with him. Have a good day at work, I’m sure we’ll both call you after it happens.”

“I’ll be sure to hold the phone far away from my ear, so you all can squeal without busting my eardrums. Bye for now, then.”

“Alright. Bye Katie.”

The call ended and Elias closed his computer and looked out over the beautiful expanse of ocean surrounding the ship. Lark was still asleep in their cabin and probably would be for another couple of hours or so, it was nearly impossible to wake him anytime before 9 am. So Elias decided to stay for a while, taking in the peacefulness of the empty deck while the majority of the ship’s passengers slept, rocked by the lullaby of gentle waves.

January 11, 2016 9:00 AM, EST

Elias crept silently back into their cabin to find Lark sleeping fitfully, brows furrowed, eyelids knit tight. This was normally fairly unusual, but lately he’d been experiencing an uptick of nightmares that he didn’t like telling Elias much about for some reason. Elias eased down onto the edge of the bed and carefully lowered a hand down toward his forehead, fingers grazing across, pushing aside a stray curl. Almost instantaneously, Lark’s expression softened at his touch. It was moments like this that reminded him just how strong their connection was, the small gestures that could soothe one another’s most turbulent emotions.

He leaned down and pressed a light kiss on Lark’s cheek at which his eyes fluttered open, gazing weary oceans up at him. A soft smile, wrapt in security accompanied the gaze and Elias felt a pang in his chest as his heart skipped in response. “Morning, sleepyhead,” he sang softly to him.

Lark hummed and curled around where he sat, “Mmmmm… no.”

“No? What do you mean, no?”

“Not morning,” Lark muttered.

“It is, though.”

Lark shook his head, “No,” he mumbled, sleepiness still heavy in his voice, “still nighttime.”

“Oh is it now?” Elias asked, to which Lark nodded. Then, before he had a chance to react, he felt long arms wrap around him and pull him down and over into the bed, “Ah! Lark!” He laughed, “What’s this?”

“We sleep now,” Lark cooed, clearly very pleased with the results as he held Elias close. 

Elias let out another gentle laugh and turned to face the larger man, pressing his forehead to the other’s and cupping his face in his hands. “I love you,” he whispered.

Eyes closed, Lark gave a delighted smile. “Mhmmm,” he hummed in response, raising a hand to Elias’s eyelids in an attempt to shut them, “we sleep now.”

“Okay,” Elias giggled, “we sleep now, just a little longer.”

January 11, 2016 1:20 pm, EST

Elias woke to find Lark gone. Where was he? He rolled to sit up in the bed and checked his phone. 1:20 pm. Of course it was. With a stretch and a hearty yawn, he began to work on getting to his feet and looked around. The room was empty, the shower wasn’t going either, then he saw a shadow through the blinds leading out onto the small balcony of their room.

He opened the blinds to find Lark sitting in a wicker chair, sipping tea, gazing out over the water in placid solitude. There was a bottle of champagne and a pitcher of orange juice sitting on the table next to him, along with two champagne flutes and a bouquet of roses resting in a faceted crystal vase. Elias smiled to himself and slid open the glass door onto the balcony, coming up behind Lark who turned his head slightly towards him. 

“Good morning, sleepyhead.” Lark said, seemingly completely unaware of the irony.

“It’s nearly 1:30.”

The other shrugged, “Morning is a state of mind.”

“Okay,” Elias laughed, draping his arms around Lark’s shoulders, and kissing the top of his head, “what’s all this?” He pointed at the set up on the table, to which Lark rose from his seat, came around to hug him tight, and laid a tender kiss on his lips. 

He smiled, then turned to pour two mimosas, “Happy Anniversary,” he said, holding out a glass to Elias. 

They clinked glasses and sat on the balcony, sipping their drinks, enjoying that serene silence they could only take true comfort in with one another. Every once in a while Elias would glance over at Lark’s satisfied face, the view of the ocean sparkling in his bright eyes. It didn’t matter where they were, Elias knew, but this was perfect. He wondered if he shouldn’t just pop the question right now, but the ring stayed in his pocket, waiting for a moment more perfect than this one. 

January 11, 2016 5:30 pm, EST

Elias hopped and shimmied as he pulled on his slim fit black slacks and tucked his stark white button up into them. He sifted through his bag and spread out the various necktie options he’d brought with him — plain black, floral, black and blue stripes, matte and satin striped maroon, black bowtie with subtle gold stars. A muffled sound of happy singing came from beneath the hiss of the running shower in the background. Elias looked back toward the bathroom and smiled, then turned to eye the bowtie lying on the bed. He was no good at tying bowties, Lark would have to help him, which made it the obvious choice in accessory. 

“Lark! Hurry up, our reservation’s at 6:00.” 

The singing stopped, “What’s that?” Lark called from the bathroom.

“I said... move your butt!” he called back.

“It’s always moving, love!”

“You know what I mean.” 

“Alright, alright, I’ll be out in a minute.” 

The shower went on for a little longer, then the hissing became a light trickle and, soon enough, a thick fog of steam rolled out of the bathroom door, orange light dissipated through the clouds. Lark strolled out, towel tied around his waist, drops of water hanging from the ends of his hair and glistening on his shoulders. He eyed Elias with the untied tie around his neck. A pleased laugh escaped his lips as he inched toward Elias and tugged at the ends of the bowtie, pulling him in for a kiss.

“Did you pick this tie just so I’d help you with it?” Lark asked.

Elias shrugged, “Maybe I did, you don’t know me.”

“No, of course I don’t.” Lark smirked and gently traced the side of Elias’s face with his fingertips, taking a moment to savor the sight of him. Eight years in and seeing Lark look at him like this still made Elias’s heart race.

“We have to get a move on,” Elias muttered, breathlessly. 

Lark cleared his throat, coming back to earth, and brought his hand back down to the tie. “Right,” he said matter-of-factly, then started on the tie. He worked the ends over and under, focus woven into his furrowed brow. Elias glanced down to watch his hands move then glanced back up at him. “There,” Lark fluffed the bowtie proudly when he had finished and met Elias’s gaze again.  

“I love you.” Elias reminded him for the millionth time and pulled him down to meet his lips, running his hands through Lark’s wet hair. 

Lark responded in kind, wrapping his long wingspan tight around Elias’s waist, “I love you too,” he whispered into Elias’s lips.

“I know,” Elias said and patted Lark’s chest as they pulled apart, “Now get dressed, we have like fifteen minutes.”

January 11, 2016 8:00 pm, EST

Elias and Lark walked hand in hand across the top deck of the ship, stomachs full, hearts warm, and heads perhaps a bit too light from a day full of champagne. Above them hung a cloudless, black blanket of sky encrusted with brightly shimmering, diamond stars and the thin sliver of a waxing crescent moon. Not far from them, a band played a harmonious violin cover of “You Are The Reason” with soft percussion accentuating the background. 

Lark pulled away, still holding onto Elias’s hand at arm's length, “Dance with me?” he asked.

Elias looked around the deck at the other families and couples enjoying the night around them, “There’s so many other people.” 

��So what?”

“They might be watching us.”

“Then we’d better put on a good show for them, don’t you think?” Lark smiled, pulling him back in and holding him close. 

Elias sighed, but a blush pulled the corners of his mouth into a coy smile. He wrapped his arms around Lark’s neck and leaned into him as they spun around the deck. Holding each other like this felt equal parts due to the desire to be close to one another and the necessity to help one another remain standing. The more they danced the more the effects of the day’s drinks took their toll and it wasn’t long until they had to slow to a stop. 

“Getting a little dizzy?” Elias laughed.

“Just a little,” Lark agreed. Then his face got serious and he pulled Elias with him towards the railing of the ship to look out over the water, shimmering under the stars. 

“I don’t want this night to end,” he said as they walked.

“Neither do I…” a pause settled between them. 

“Lark—” / “Elias—” They both spoke the other’s names in unison, followed by another unison, “sorry.” Then Elias spoke alone, “You go first.”

“Oh, uh,” Lark began, thrusting his hands into his pockets. He seemed to be fidgety all of a sudden, “Well, Elias… I know you know how much I love you, but I just wanted to say… before I met you…” Was this going where Elias thought? Had they really had the same idea at the same time? Well, he’d be damned if Lark was going to upstage his proposal. He gave a knowing smirk and stepped forward towards the other, “Lark…” but suddenly… time seemed to slow.

January 11, 2016 8:15:28 pm, EST

“… sorry.” Lark squinted and shook his head slightly, slow blinking.

January 11, 2016 8:15:30 pm, EST

Lark’s knee gave out on him and he stumbled back a bit.

January 11, 2016 8:15:32 pm, EST

Elias noticed the railing behind him fell just below Lark’s hip level. His eyes widened and he reached out to him.

January 11, 2016 8:15:33 pm, EST

The railing of the ship caught the back of Lark’s thigh.

January 11, 2016 8:15:34 pm, EST

“LARK!” 

January 11, 2016 1:15:28 - 1:15:34 am, GMT

Katie slept fitfully, alone in her small, twin bed, nestled in her small, one bedroom, Hampstead flat. In her dream, a flock of seagulls surrounded a small brown bird with a yellow face, a white underside, and black accent marks across it’s chest, under its eyes and in the tufts that sat upon its head. The small bird desperately flapped its wings to stay in the air, but the gulls, ten times its size, flapped their wings with all the more force down upon it.

January 11, 2016 8:15:35 pm, EST

Lark flipped over the railing, tumbling down towards the frigid waters below. A small crowd on the deck gasped as they bore witness. Elias ran to the railing and climbed readying himself to jump in after, but, just as he was about to take the leap a couple bystanders stopped him. 

January 11, 2016 1:15:35 am, GMT

Katie sprung up in her bed and screamed, cold sweat running down her face. An indescribable feeling of unbearable loss hit her core and ricocheted through her body.

January 11, 2016 8:15:36 pm, EST

The two bystanders held Elias tight, while others ran to find crew members that could help. “NO!” Elias screamed, “LET GO OF ME! LARK!” His body, completely sober now, shook with shock and tears cascaded from his eyes. “LET GO OF ME, GODDAMMIT!” He struggled against the ones holding him, finally breaking free and running back to the railing. His eyes scanned the water, desperately searching for signs of Lark, but couldn’t make out even the slightest shadow of a body. “LARK!” He called out. “LARK!” His knees buckled and he collapsed against the railing. “HELP HIM! SOMEBODY! Do something!” His forehead pressed hard against the bars, as his voice gave out, cracking a helpless, “please…” the bustle of crew members rushing to help Lark echoed from lower decks.

“Please… Lark… help him… somebody… bring him back…” It was impossible to see through the blinding film of tears rippling across his eyes, “please… I can’t… please don’t let him be gone… I can’t… I can’t… please… I can’t… somebody… Lark… I love you… please… I can’t.” 

January 11, 2016 1:15:36 am, GMT

On the other side of the world, Katie sat alone in her bed and heaved untamable sobs for reasons wholly unknown, save for the fact that it felt like something had reached into the deep recesses of her soul and snapped her still-beating heart in half, leaving the memory of it lingering like a phantom limb. 

January 11, 2016 1:30 am, GMT

A high tinnitus whine made its home in her ears, as she tried to process what she was feeling. Then the phone rang.

[calypsoff]

Twenty Five.

I think I am having the worst nights sleep, worst then Robyn not being around. She might as well not be around because like, the fuck. There is nothing there, I mean there is but maybe it’s me, I need to do more. She doesn’t understand how hard it is, I mean literally my dick is so hard right now in bed with her. Lifting my head up looking down at Robyn asleep with her bonnet on, taking in a deep breath. Pressing a kiss to her cheek and moved back away from her slowly, being big spoon with a hard dick is hard. I feel like Robyn is purposely trying to not wear anything too sexy so I can’t be hard for her, but I am still hard. It seems like Robyn is having the best sleep, meanwhile I am hating it all. I even purposely slept naked and she didn’t care, grabbing my tee from the floor in a huff. This can’t happen, third day in Virginia and no sex, maybe I need to push for it. I need to do more for her, I need to be romantic, I think yes. That is what I need to do, I need to be romantic towards her, I haven’t been that. Getting up from the bed, it’s like seven in the morning. I struggle to sleep so much, I can’t sleep for shit because my dick be having a mind of its own, at one point I was even having a wet dream, nearly got caught slipping there but it needs to happen. I am going to try the romantic thing; I am really unsure if it’s me or Robyn sometimes but if this doesn’t work then we going to have some real ass problems and I don’t want that for us. I love Robyn too much for that, I adore her with my whole heart. It’s not about sex, it’s not because if it was then I would be gone a while ago, but it needs to happen because she can do it. if it was an issue where she really can’t, I would understand.

Staring at Robyn’ hazel eyes just twinkling in the sun that is shining down into the hotel room, even without makeup. I say this a lot to myself but without makeup, Robyn is ever so beautiful, and I cannot fault that. Looking away from Robyn as she turned away from the window and grabbed her drink, I pretended I was staring at my hand. I looked back at Robyn as she went back to staring out of the window, I grinned at the fact she is really my childhood sweetheart. She just so happens to be famous, but she is “you’re quiet” she caught me, she caught my eyes staring at her “just admiring you, you have such beautiful eyes. It was nice to watch” Robyn pulled a face while touching her bonnet “even with my bonnet on?” nodding my head “I am just thinking, I have been thinking a lot you know. But just thinking that you are really my childhood sweetheart. It’s kind of goofy but yeah” Robyn scrunched up her nose, she is getting shy “I have missed you a lot, it’s nice to just spend time with you and your family. Your dad is funny, it’s nice to see a father here. I think I like it the most how he babies you and you hate it” rolling my eyes “he dumb, like he don’t need to be pinching my cheeks like I am a child, but yeah. We are going to the family home today, you good with that?” I asked like I gave her a choice “I am happy with that” I need to prepare this room; it isn’t valentine’s day, but I need to make it happen.

Walking in behind Robyn into my family home “I could get used to this, afternoon!” my mother rushed over “don’t get too used to it, but I need to go and see Barry. Robyn I didn’t mention it but I need to see him, I won’t be long but I need y’all to look after Robyn for me. I mean Rich is here, but I need y’all to be good to her” Robyn is looking at me like don’t leave me “why, where are you going?” she questioned “I am just going to sort some paperwork for him, it will be quick. My mother can show you some things here, I will be back” Robyn nodded her head “ok then” wrapping my arm around Robyn, pressing a kiss to her forehead “baby I will look after you, do not worry. Hurry up though” I grinned turning around to leave, I need to prepare the hotel room and make it the most romantic thing ever, I will do the most because this needs to work. Closing the door behind me and walking down the footpath “nigga!” TJ spat, saluting him. They been waiting for me, Tina is like part of the gang now, but she could come in handy “we are here to help you!” TJ shouted; can he just not shout so much Robyn could hear him. Getting into the car “so mission sexy time is in order” hitting TJ’ arm “shut up and drive!” I spat.

Tina is so good, like I am barely doing anything, she is doing the hotel room her damn self “you think she will like this?” I questioned “oh she will, I mean who wouldn’t. This is like valentine’s day, but every day should be spoil your girlfriend day, Robyn will appreciate this so much” nodding my head, I have literally got all the balloons and roses out and all that fancy shit “Barry, can I speak to you one minute” waving him over, I need to ask him something. Walking off to the living area of the hotel “would you wear a condom?” I asked straight up “I would be shooting my babies up that, I would forever go raw” I feel like Barry has been waiting to say that “wow, relax” I said half shocked “ok, on a real but if you start to put a condom on it’s going to start making shit extra weird and then she may feel a type of way so don’t, unless you don’t want that to happen” rubbing the side of my face “not that I don’t, I just don’t want that to happen to her again. Shit, if getting her pregnant means she won’t go on tour, sign me up but yeah. Cool, I hope it works, I need to be extra romantic. You know I am goofy and shit” I am nervous that if it flops, it will be so awkward “nah, you are doing a lot for her, this will happen. I promise, I get it, but this will work. You love her a lot though. To be doing this for her, like it’s a lot” taking in a deep breath “I do, that is the thing” I mumbled, I love Robyn so much and I Would do anything for her.

I totally feel like a teenager, oh god. This is crazy to me, like I have been thinking of this day, as soon as my dad said I needed to coax her I been thinking, what is better then starting from the beginning. Dragging open the classroom door “Mr Brown, you’re late again” I busted out laughing seeing Miss Polkovita “it is so good to see you Christopher” walking towards her “bring it in” hugging her as I laughed out, I can’t believe it “this is crazy, you still around and the classroom ain’t changed at all. Look at it” I am getting major flashbacks right now “and I am still here teaching, not even you could get me to quit” moving back from the hug “this is the very desk you forced me to sit in” I pointed at the desk “you damn right it is, I was shocked to hear. They told me Christopher wants to do something nice for his girlfriend and his girlfriend is Rihanna. I goes of course I will be here, it’s so good to see you here. I honestly am really happy for you, I am not shocked that you both got together because you were so infatuated by her, you actually started to listen” I snorted laughing “we were best friends first, but I fell, this was the moment you know. But it’s dope that the school let me do this” I hope Robyn likes it.

Locking my phone smiling, Robyn is coming. I hope Tina did blindfold her, I just want to go back to basic with Robyn and I, sometimes I feel like we can trail away from what we were. I just want us to go back to that lust and love we have, I felt like bringing her here would do that. I did a little thing here “you look so nervous Christopher” I chuckled, my teacher is here like she knows me “a little, I love her. Being here has made me feel this way because it’s like stage one, I remember looking behind me and she was there, hair tied back and just so pretty. I just want her to come already” rubbing my chin feeling ever so nervous “my son doesn’t believe me that I taught you and Robyn, wait till I tell him this. But I really saw you both were meant to be, I just saw the announcement and I said ok that was going to happen, just a little too late” the door opened and Rich poked his head around “Tina I don’t like this, I really don’t” that means she wore the blindfold, Tina shuffled in with Robyn “don’t fire me just yet, just stand here for me” clasping my hands together smiling wide “I am going to take it off” Rich said as he took off her blindfold “good afternoon Miss Fenty” Robyn’ eyes widened looking around “oh my god” placing her hands over her mouth “Miss Polkovita, oh my god” Robyn hugged her “what the hell is this, Chris! What a flashback!” I really got Robyn, she is shook and I like that.

Getting up from the seat “you know only the naughty kids sit in the back” we have the classroom all to ourselves, I mean I ain’t going to flat out have sex with her here “well that is a lie, I am a good girl and I got to sit here. This feels so weird, my god. Like this is such a blast from the past” sitting on the edge of the desk facing Robyn “and you would sit right there across from me, and I would say Chris I need to do this wait. Let me finish the note” I grinned nodding my head “and when that dude tried to ask you out like the fuck, man. Nobody was dating you on my watch, you were mine. I was aggy though, I ruined everything for you” biting on my bottom lip “I also found you too skinny” I scoffed moving off the desk “you talk too much, dang. But I was so aggy with you, I ain’t let you do anything. I treated you like you were mine and you weren’t, you could have told me to go away but you didn’t” she could have “mhmmm, in a weird way I liked you” I gasped “weird way, get up. Come, we going somewhere else, let’s walk the halls” I got a little something else for her “how you get this done? I am shocked” I winked “just my secret, come on twin” Robyn got up from the seat giggling, she looks so damn happy and I like that “I love you so much, for doing this. You know it’s not valentines right? That has been” waving her off “every day is love” if this doesn’t get me in her good books, I have lost.

I busted out laughing after the picture was taken “oh wow, the exact spot too. Dang, this is crazy” the principle walked off “I can send the picture to you right now from the camera but yes, we have the old picture of Robyn and you in the hall. We pride ourselves that Rihanna came here, you just so happened to be in that picture, but I can’t wait to update it. Looks like I haven’t updated the school in years” shaking my head “I have always been a spare part huh, dang” Robyn placed her arms around me “stop it, I love you” she kissed my cheek “cool, so you send me that and we will speak soon but come” I am rushing here, I want to get to the hall “Chris, I feel overwhelmed. I am shocked. Where are we going next?” holding onto Robyn’ hand walking out of the room “a little something, like this place comes with good vibes but also I was very heartbroken when you left. I felt like this moment was taken from me because I was so close to just asking you. I was a young nigga in love Robyn, you came from the islands, you weren’t like these girls and I was so close, and you left, I was unfulfilled so badly, so it was taken from me” I know Robyn is confused, but she will understand soon when we reach the destination.

Before we turned the corner I need to ask Robyn this “hold up right, I need to cover your eyes again” Robyn sighed out “it’s nothing stupid is it?” shaking my head “promise, just trust me. I will cover your eyes with my hands” standing behind Robyn “when I say walk, start walking” placing my hands over her eyes “can you see anything?” I questioned “nope” I am super excited “then proceed baby, get walking” Robyn started to walk slowly, and I am here shuffling behind her “turn baby” she is here walking ahead, turning with Robyn “I grinned so wide seeing the school gym, Rich smiled at me shaking his head “are we there yet?” Robyn is asking that, but she is walking ever so slow “just a few more steps, like five more and then stop” Robyn shuffled and then stopped “perfect, so I am going to step back but close your eyes “fine I will” moving my hands back and running to Rich, he held the sign up “open your eyes!” I spat; Robyn has her hand in her hip. Like she is disapproving, she opened her eyes slowly in confusion “wha-?” she paused pointing at Rich “my friend here wants to ask you to the prom?” Rich could be more enthusiastic about this; Robyn placed her hands her mouth laughing “no way!” she spat “do you like it? I made this!” pointing at the sign “Barbadian Cherry will you go to prom with me? You knew about this!?” Robyn pointed at Tina “maybe, a little but answer him” Robyn nodded her head “really?” waving her over “come, we going to prom. Fulfilling something that should have happened for us, don’t cry just yet” holding Robyn’ hand, she is already emotional.

Pushing open the door to the school gym “no way! Chris!” she better like this, I spent the fuck up “I don’t have no dress Chris?” holding onto Robyn’ hands and walked in backwards so I can see Robyn’ reaction, she is so shook “we can both have our prom date, and yeah that” Barry placed the crown on my head and Robyn’ “y’all already prom queen and king, shit if you did come it would be true” Robyn is dead ass crying, she is emotional and that is good because that means I have done good for her “come, let’s have fun prom queen” letting her hands go, Robyn walked into me and hugged me tight “you be doubting me, I doubt me at times but you know I love you big head. Enjoy yourself, and I told Tina to take some pictures, memories for us. My date for prom” I think I have done; I have hit the jackpot with this “let’s dance, hear that? Our song!?” I spat, Robyn laughed “Keeping it real, son, that's right” holding Robyn’ hand to lead her to the floor “The shining star, you're my shining star, girl” I sang pointing at her as Fantasy started playing, Robyn would use this song to make me sing it with her like a fool every time.

Drinking from the bottle “she is coming back but if this doesn’t work, even I am going to cry for you but I think you got her, you got her good” Barry said as he moved away from me, turning around grinning “imagine seeing you here” I leaned against the table “likewise but I wish I looked the part” biting my bottom lip “we have a lifetime to look good, and besides my broke ass wouldn’t be able to get a suit” clearing my throat as Boyz II Men starting playing “would you like to dance?” holding my hand out to her “I would love that” I don’t know this slow dance shit so I am just going to guess it, I feel nervous weird enough. Catching Tina clasping her hands together in awe, I hope I don’t fuck this up but I am feeling hot as fuck. Robyn placed her arms around my neck as I placed hands just on her waist, we swayed slowly to the music “this has to be the best night of my life, you have shocked me so much” Robyn said, smiling at her “I will do anything, girl you need only ask. I'll make love to you, like you want me too. And I'll hold you tight, baby all through the night” I sang to Robyn, pressing a kiss to her cheek and she caught her lips on mine and initiated the kiss with me, I for one wasn’t going to do it but she did it, the kiss was so slow and sensual, a pace I am more then happy with because I have missed Robyn so much.

[polygamyff]

58. Part 8

Here I am once again, part fucking two of a pregnancy that I am again alone with, but it is what it is and I just want my medication, technically my doctor is in New York but my old doctor here was nice enough to accept me to come get the medication here, so nice of him. I have been noticing how fucking pale I am, since I took my makeup off I look terrible, so I had to put some shades on because this is not it and I look a mess. I am sad, I am not even going to front and act like I am ok because I am not, I am so tired. What a dreadful fucking day for me, my ears perked up hearing the name Davenport and looked at the TV “it was a big night for Maurice Davenport, the son of Marquis Davenport which owned Davenport hotels. His son has been successful in bringing back the hotels but his father has now passed this on to Maurice, there was big words from him on the night, he has openly declared that Hilton is now under Davenport hotel internationally which is a big blow for the Hilton company itself, this is the last of the them. On the night, he arrived with his daughter and fiancé which on the day spoken on how he was humbled by them. We did get to speak to him for a short while before he had to go, this is what he had to say” the presenter said, I want the seat to swallow me up as my face is on there “oh god” I breathed out, I look horrible and I am getting stared at in this waiting room “Robyn Willis” oh just on time, I needed this “thank you” getting up ever so quickly, I am getting gawked at like a crazy bitch but I am being exposed to the world now. Rushing in behind the nurse “we thought we lost you to New York” she said “you did, but I am back. I wish I could be here forever, and it’s for the usual thing too” I chuckled “we miss you though, the times you fainted. We are glad you came early this time anyways” she got a point, I always arrive when I am ready to faint and then wake up thinking what happened “you looked so beautiful there, sorry I just noticed” I groaned out “I keep getting stared at now, I guess it’s started” clearly it has, I want to be a nobody again.

The door opened “Robyn! Long time, welcome back” my doctor said, “you missed me?” I laughed saying “of course, you called through and I always said I would be here for you” my doctor sat down on his seat “I do appreciate it, I am here for a few more days longer, I don’t think I will be able to last. I am pregnant again so it makes it worse for me, trying to keep another human alive as well as myself” I have to add the I am pregnant, I don’t want them to give me something that can harm the baby now “awww congratulations, I am happy for you. How far along are you?” I froze staring at him “erm, well I don’t know that maybe eight weeks. I have not had a scan, things have been hectic for me” he smiled at me “overnight celebrity, I was telling my wife. I have picked her from the floor of the doctors office many of times, my wife thinks I am crazy so. Let’s check on the little one first” I knew that would happen “do you have too?” I asked “it’s my job too, come on now Robyn. Let’s see if it is ok, at least then we can get you the medication. It’s not a bad thing, we just want to make sure” I just feel like shit now, I guess I will I have my first scan alone “just that my partners is not here and it’s like I don’t want to be alone again in this?” I admitted “how about we just check, and I can keep the information if all good news to myself?” nodding my head “see, not all bad. Come on” it is still bad to me.

This feels so weird, it is weird because I didn’t think I would be in this position without Maurice. I did say this would be different, I am just stressed and fed up now “would you like to see the foetus at least?” he asked, now I am like deep down I want too “you know what” I sighed out, I would like to see. Just print out the scan photo” I already hate being on here, I don’t feel too good either and I am doing this without Maurice, this is killing me inside “just going to have a look, I won’t mention anything. So what did you say, how many weeks would you say?” I blew out air heavily just thinking “I would say about eight weeks, that sounds about right. So much going on I am just not with it, sorry but eight weeks sounds perfect” I am useless right now “that is fine, just going to make some notes” hearing my phone starting to ring “ignore that” I said, only god knows who that is because it can’t be him, he is going to be sleeping for a while. Being on this table right now is making me nervous “sorry, I didn’t drink much water either, must be hard” I can feel he is struggling “just a little, I am just taking some measurements and” he drifted off “this looks to me six weeks and six days” lifting my head up staring at my doctor “no, that is wrong. I know it can’t be six weeks. Maybe when I found out yes but no, is that bad? So, my baby is small? What is this?” I have so many questions, this is not good, and I am panicking “please don’t get upset, in your particular case, the embryo’s little heart is beating but the dates are not matching up with what you had in mind. A follow-up scan is definitely necessary to assess for growth. There is a 97% chance of a normal outcome of your pregnancy, don’t worry, just you need to have a follow up scan in two weeks. Your baby is ok, it’s fine. Just the length” that has really upset me though “don’t cry please” resting my head back “I don’t understand, how has that happened? Is there something wrong” I sniffled, my doctor held my hand “not at all, it will be fine. You need to have another scan in a week or two for a definitive answer, it can be you haven’t processed the day you actually fell pregnant, but I can’t say now. It can be how the baby is laying too, please don’t worry. It’s very healthy” the nurse placed a polaroid in my view “it’s very healthy, no need to worry” I smiled a little seeing my scan picture, taking it from her “so tiny” it’s really tiny though “tiny but healthy, just need to concentrate on you ok? You need to relax and let the baby relax. Running around doesn’t help at all” my doctor is right, maybe my baby is not growing because it can’t relax because I am not relaxed, whatever it is I pray it’s ok because I am so sad.

Closing my car door sighing out, that was awful then, but I have my medication. Let me check my phone and see who was trying to contact me, I am hurt that my baby is small I mean what does that even mean. Did I get the dates wrong, I just pray my baby is ok. My mother was ringing me, I bet Reign is playing up or something. She even video called me so let me do it back, waiting for the video call to connect. I thank god for these shades because I am a mess right now “Reign, mommy is on the phone. Hey Robbie, Reign wanted you so I just thought I would see what you are doing” I cooed out “my little baby, what is she doing?” my mom on video call is a nightmare, it’s like she doesn’t how to hold her phone. It warms my heart hearing Reign shout mama; I was jealous when she said dada first but hearing her say mama warms my heart “my pretty baby, yes look beautiful” poking my lower lip out seeing my daughter’ hair bouncing everywhere as she ran “Reign, hello baby” my mom crouched down “you wanted mommy, here she is say hi” she doesn’t want me, she probably wanted something, my daughter has the biggest smile on her face “aye, don’t be showing out now pulling that face to me” Reign bought her face to the phone “awww Reign, you miss me? Giving mommy kisses now? I love you baby” she looks so proud of herself and then walked off “is that it? You wanted to give mommy a kiss?” I couldn’t help it, I just ended up crying like I didn’t want too but I did “she has gone back to playing, oh what? Robbie, baby don’t cry” taking my shades off “I didn’t want too, I am so angry with myself. It’s just a lot mom. I am coming back; I will talk to you then” I just don’t want to say it on facetime.

I have been driving with my vision blurred the whole way back, I just couldn’t stop myself crying so I parked up outside my mother’ home and gathered myself up, now I can go inside. I hope Reign is awake still so I can hug her, I need a hug from Reign right now. Walking up the steps to the home, opening the door “I am home, where is Reign-Texas?” I said aloud so she can hear me “oh wow Reign, mommy is home. Come on” hearing my mom say, I guess she is playing up with no nap. Closing the door behind me “come on, show mommy what you got” placing my bag on the couch, I want to see her. I gasped seeing Reign “oh wow baby, you look so pretty” she has shades on “she walking around like Stevie Wonder, she can barely walk” crouching down to her “come here, you look so pretty in these Reign. Aww you like them” catching Reign before she walked into the couch “mommy likes them, can she see your eyes now” Reign moved them back from her face “boo” hugging Reign “mommy missed you” kissing the top of her head “you have been crying Robbie, did he call you?” looking up at my mother “can I never hide anything from you and no he hasn’t. I have his phone; I don’t think he knows my number off by heart. I would be shocked if he could know that” moving my head back, Reign is trying to put the shades on me but she whined out “ok, I put them on” taking them from her “mhmmm, I am not happy. I don’t care what you say, it is upsetting my soul this. I am imbalanced spiritually now because I just want to see her, mother to mother and knock her down. Just one hit Robyn, she has disturbed me. The whole family did or does. I am just livid” Reign clapped her hands “mommy look nice” these are too damn tight, these baby ass shades “Reign put it on, let me mommy do it” taking them off “did you buy these?” I am sure I didn’t “I did” placing them over her eyes, Reign cheesed at me “she is crazy, look at gran” I pointed, she is cheesing so hard.

I think Reign knows I need lots of hugs and love right now, but I am glad she is having a nap, she just wanted me to do it “how was the scan? You have been crying and I want to know why, I am not questioning myself, we have a situation and I don’t care. I am involved. You are the only person I have, and I will fight for you” my mother said, pointing at my bag “the scan picture is in there, such a tiny thing. So, he made me do it, just to check on if the baby is ok. I said I should be around eight weeks I would say. He turned around and goes it looks like six weeks and six days to me, I am like it can’t be. There are weeks missing, so I am confused. He goes it’s small, he can’t really say anything, but I need a follow up scan to determine if it grows. He said it’s healthy but smaller than what I am saying. So, it upset me, of course it would. I thought this would be different but yet I am alone, what is the difference, so I just cried” my mom poked her lips out “it’s a tiny little thing isn’t it, but it’s healthy. I am sure it’s ok, you may have got the dates wrong, you both have sex constantly and whatever. I don’t know, I don’t think you should worry. Really don’t, I am so happy you are pregnant again. Like incredibly happy, I have so much love to give. Reign takes up a lot of it, but I have more, she is such a diva. Reign is so confident, and she is barely one” I smiled lightly “her personality shines, I love it so much” my phone started to ring in my hand, looking at the caller ID “Marquis” if he is looking for Maurice he can go and beat his ass, I will give him the hotel room “hello” answering the call “Robyn I’m sorry” I breathed out, it’s Maurice “I don’t know what the fuck happened, I really don’t I barely drank. You think I was drinking a lot, but I didn’t. Where are you?” he explained “I left you a note to read” I said, my mother is waving her arms around “his mother” she whispered “I want details” my mom said “give him the address, I want to meet her” I am getting side tracked “my head is fucked up, I don’t know where my phone is. Nalah shut up! Fucking swear to god, shut up!” Maurice shouted in my ear “I am just hearing stories, where are you?” looking at my mom “where is your mother?” I said, my mom nodded my head at me “here actually” I laughed “stories huh, what stories?” I bet she is telling stories “don’t want to hear it, but I will come to you. How about you gather your family, actually. Get Lionel there, I would like him there. Your mother needs to be there. We need to discuss stories, do we not? I am sure she is sat there telling you that I have done bad, and you’re sat there not saying a word” I know that bitch “my dad slapped my mother if that is what you asking, I just don’t know what happened. Come to the hotel, I will wait. Can you bring me some clothes too?” disconnecting the call.

My mom is waiting for me to speak “he said that Marquis slapped Joy, but he didn’t say much. He is claiming that he didn’t drink that much to be like that. He’s sorry. He wants me to come to the hotel. I would like to get my dad’ family to run with me but then I am just creating some drama not needed, I want them to know I am not alone. It’s not just me and my mother, they are bullies. But Joy will be there” my mom is laughing “I hope she is ready for my slap too; you know what Robyn. It’s things like that, Maurice is not a bad boy. I like him, he has a nice heart, but the family do see you as alone, no father here and it’s just me, poor you. But really you have such a big family, the Hispanics will do anything for you and I know that, I mean I guess I do know that but with the way they fucked with my baby, I would say yes but it will end up even more of a mess because Maurice is a very decent boy, he is stupid but he does love you and treats me with the utmost respect. I wouldn’t want that for him or Marquis, but I will be having some lengthy fucking words, oh yes I am. This can’t happen, this is so important for you. You are sensitive with being pregnant too. My one baby, this shit won’t happen on my watch” my mom is ready for a battle, I just don’t want her to take it out on Maurice because that is my job “you deal with Maurice, but I am dealing with that stupid family. I will tell him I am not happy though” my mom added, like she could read my mind but she probably could with how connected we are.

[modernsocialmediaau]

who are you

February 28, 2015 2:30pm

" Lauren? " a woman's voice rang, it's like some type of dream. In Lauren's point of view, she's coming back into consciousness

" Lauren? " the voice adds again and Lauren finally opens her eyes which she immediately regrets seeing that she had a big ass flashlight pointed at her.

" There we go. " she chuckles and moves the flashlight out of her eyes, her oh so delicate eyes.

" Alright, so I assume you haven't been eaten all today? "she challenges

" You assume right, "

" Well, I recommend you eat and stay in here for quite a while. " she orders

" Will I get to perform tonight? "

" I advised you not to, but if you feel better then yes, and may I ask? " she pause and Lauren nods

" Is there something else on your mind because fainting should not be caused for only missing a couple of meals, at best you should've just been light headed. " she quizzes making Lauren nervous

" Aren't you a doctor? " Lauren tried to change the subject

" Yes, but I'm also a mother." she smiles

" I don't know. "

" I've got two teenagers living in my house, fasting usually comes from mood swings and mood swings often are due to love interest. " she hums

" Wha---whaa, " Lauren nervously chuckle

" So, mood swings and fasting check and check, who is the love interests?."

" Doc I really don-"

" Lauren humor me, okay. "

" No, I'm just-I have something in mind. " Lauren sighs knowing that she would not let go of the topic

" Which is? " she smiles

" I have a crush on my friend who iced me out of our friendship for awhile because of what some fans thought of us and she was pursuing this boy. But-well I think I might be even in love with her. Which makes me sick because all she ever did to me was break me but here I am telling you that I love her " Lauren covers herself with a pillow. Awaiting for her response but when Lauren removes the pillow she's simply waiting for Lauren.

" I know I'm not your mom but I've had my fair share of love affairs and if you don't let whatever you are feeling out willingly it'll find its way out.  " Lauren can't believer how easily she is able to confess this to a random person but not Ally and Dinah.

" Yea but out of the 7 billion people why her? "

" Alright what seems to be the problem? " she requests

" Well for one thing I'm not gay and neither is she. "

" So you're afraid of confronting her and your own sexuality. "

" Yes. "

" And the idea of keeping this big secret is making you anxious and paranoid. Which causes stress levels to go up. Now it all makes sense. "

" What do I do? "

" Tell her. " she simply said implying as if it were that easy

" Ugh. " Lauren quickly sits up and suddenly Lauren feels the familiar feeling of uneasiness and imbalance

" Sit down Lauren. " she grabbed my fore arm and guided me back onto the couch

" I can't. " I said

" You're also afraid of rejection, since you've gone through it before. But the thing is none of this will get easier. Not only will you're emotions take over, they will speak for themselves. "she smiles giving Lauren that mom smile

" Okay, so how do you advise I tell her? "

" Just be honest with her and don't drag it along. "

" What if we're not friends after? I can't exactly go another year of her ignoring me," Lauren anxiously rubs her wrist, and her anxiety comes back all over again

" You girls have gone through a lot, and besides it's not like she can quit. "

" Ok. Thank you Dr.-"

" Jacoby. " she smiles and begins packing her stuff

" Thank you. " Lauren replies

" Remember stay hydrated and eat. And if and I mean IF you feel better by the time of the show, go perform you're little heart out. But don't over do it," she asserts before leaving the room

Lauren wonders how much she's missed out on. She picks her phone up from the table and see's that it was already 3. That's when she realizes she's missed 3 hours worth of work.

Fuck.

Lauren decides to sit up but didn't feel good being up so high, so she lays back down. Lauren establishes to take a little catnap listening to music with a water bottle to her chest.

" Lo? " Camila whispers, but Lauren frankly didn't believe its her and decides to ignore her.

" Lauren? " she repeats herself and this time Lauren believes it is her

" Hey Camila. " Lauren croaks

" Do you feel better? "

" Yea, " Lauren weakly smiled

" Are you gonna perform tonight o-"

" Hell yeah I am. " she chuckles

" You are one bad bitch Lauren Michelle. " Dinah jokes making everyone laugh.

" Are you sure? " Camila interrupts the groups laughter and changes the vibe to a much serious one

" Sure about what? " Lauren questions taking the plate Normani is handing her

" Mhmmm, mac and cheese. " Lauren hums

" About performing tonight. " Camila repeats

" Yea she said I could, I just can't over do it. " Lauren laughs

" Girl you always over do it, " Dinah sasses snapping her fingers

" We all do, " Ally adds

As the girls eat and chat, Lauren see's a message from Will wondering if she can quickly go to the stage for a quick sound check. Lauren stands up, and excuses herself but Camila stops.

" Hey where are you going? " Camila worries

" I have to go to sound check. "Lauren laughs grabbing a water bottle, her phone, and throw outs her trash.

" Are you gonna be okay? " they announce in unison

" Uh yeah I think I'll manage. Meet you guys back here in 2 hours. "Lauren laughs rolling her eyes

" 2 hours it don't take that long. " Normani answers

" Yea but I also need to do make-up and buy a couple of things from Rite Aide. " Lauren responds

" Text me when your going to Rite Aide I need a couple of things too. " Normani winks and Lauren questions it but still nods her head.

Lauren leaves, the girls and scrolls through her phone as she is walking through the back. Will walks in front of Lauren stopping her in her tracks.

" Hey Will what's up? " Lauren is shock but also puts her phone down.

" The doctor said to be careful okay. " he reminds Lauren not wanting to have another panic attack

" I know,"

" Here Lauren, " the sound guy hands her, her ear piece and mic before carrying on with the sound check

" Thank you. " and we carried onto the sound check.

--

Lauren leaves the make up room and sends Mani a text letting her know she is ready for their trip to the convenience store.

As she waits for Normani she scrolls through her instagram or twitter to see if they made it public that she isn't feeling well. Thankfully it was a simple tweet from the Fifth Harmony twitter account, following up with another assurance.

@FifthHarmony One of the girls, had a bit of an accident backstage. We'll keep you guys posted

-Will

@FifthHarmony  And we're back everything is fine see you guys tonight

-Normani

" Hey sorry, " Normani runs into Lauren leaning up against the wall, while catching her breath

" Why are you running? "

" The girls and I got bored during dressing stuff so we played tag. " she simply answers as if it's a typical day in fifth harmony world

" Okay, well the Rite Aide is only around the corner so it won't take that-"

" Are you okay? " Mani interrupts

" Huh? I already told you guys. " Lauren chuckles and they start walking towards rite aid

" Lauren why did you faint? " she brings up

" Because I was hungry, "Lauren answers

" But that's- "

"I hadn't eaten since yesterday Normani it happens. "Lauren asserts not wanting to walk about this conversation anymore.

For the rest of the walk it was it was pure silence, until a fan would stop us for autographs and pictures . But other than that it was pure silence. It's not because I got sick of the topic of me, but it's just I'm tired of the constant pity being thrown at me. I am fine, I was hungry and stress.

" So I'm gonna tell Camila, " Lauren confesses making Normani trip on her feet and fall

•••

" What Mani? What did I do to her? I want to fix it. " Lauren cries

" Lauren I don't think you get it. " Normani sighs caressing Laurens head trying to calm and comfort her hurting friend.

" She's not talking to me what's not to get Mani? What? What did I do to her for her to just ignore me like this. " Lauren continues begging and pleading for answers.

" Wha- "

" You aren't doing anything wrong! " she interrupts pulling her

" But- "

" No! Listen to me? I don't know what's going on with her, but I sure as hell am positive you did nothing wrong. 3 months Lo I've watched the whole thing unfold and you have not done one thing wrong. " Normani explains bringing Lauren into another comforting hug but this time Lauren felt her tears on her shoulder. She began to cry with Lauren.

" Why? Why is she ignoring me. "

•••

" What? " Normani chokes while sitting on the floor

" Yeah, I think it's best. " instead of answering Lauren she stands up and picks her up

" Alright calm down. " Lauren smile

" When are you gonna do it? " Normani questions

" I don't know, probably when we get to Ft. Lauderdale. "

" Why there? "

" Well one I'll be near family so I won't feel alone. "

" You'll never be alone girl, " Normani sighs in relief giving Lauren a side hug

" Thanks Mani, and secondly I think it would be nice to see Luis plus I know he'll just have the right thing to say. "

" Exactly, and hey if you want me to be there I can be. "

" No I think I'd be best if I do this by myself. "Lauren smiles and continued to shop. It took 3 people for Lauren to finally decide to tell Camila, well a year of ignorance and 3 people. Lauren hopes that this all goes well, but it's still very much in faiths hands and its in the universe. Lauren has come to the conclusion where she doesn't need Camila to tell her she feels the same way or anything like that, she just needs the freedom.

[halfwayinlight]

Paton and Belle finally get that real first date.

dang… I had NO IDEA it would end up being this long…

Paton Rumfield would be lying if he didn’t admit to himself that he had been a little nervous about tonight. He reminded himself more than once that the last time they were together just a week and a half ago in Chicago, Belle had kissed him. During the last days in between getting Bae settled back into something like a routine, calls with his lawyer about Milah’s case and his pending petition for full custody of his son, he had read up more on Belle’s role as Director of Community outreach for the Knights. It was impressive.

She seemed quieter tonight, although to be fair she was usually directing a gaggle of young children when he was around her. He assumed it meant she was nervous, too.

As they took the last steps to the roof area of the restaurant, he hoped that it would help to be settled into their table. Their hostess was discreet in ushering them to a table for two. The rest of the roof area would remain solely theirs until they were finished tonight. Two glasses of ice water were waiting, along with the informal arrangement of pink tulips. He hoped she enjoyed the bistro.

Stepping forward, he pulled out the chair for Belle and gave her a moment to scoot forward a bit before he moved to his seat. “Would you like wine or something else to drink?”

She bit her bottom lip, clearly in thought for a long moment while she reached out and let her fingers brush over the petals of a nearby tulip. “I think I’ll stick with water for now.”

With that, the hostess left them to enjoy their seats and the view of the sun just starting to set over the skyline.

Paton took his napkin and settled it in his lap before scooting a little closer to the table. Deftly he unbutton his shirt sleeves and began rolling each shirt to mid-arm length. It wasn’t particularly warm, Belle herself had brought a light jacket, but he was suddenly conscious of the formality of the moment. The ‘official-ness’ of this first true date. “Will it bother you if I drink?”

Her head shook slightly. “No, it’s not that. I don’t have a problem with people drinking, I simply never cared to do much of it myself. Sometimes on holidays… But, ah, it doesn’t mix with my pain medication if I need to take it later.”

“I’m sorry, I wasn’t thinking when I chose upstairs.” He grimaced, and wondered if there was, perhaps, a lift somewhere that they could take to go back down. He didn’t think so.

“It’s okay,” she reassured him with a soft smile. “Today has been a good day for my knee, overall. I was in my office most of the day with Paige working on plans for helping with the Special Olympics in a few weeks. So I was sitting a lot today.” She was still fiddling with the flowers, seemingly fascinated with the petals and texture.

Paton took a slow sip of his water and let himself settle a bit more into his chair. “Do you mind me asking what’s caused your knee to bother you so much?”

A rueful smile crossed her lips. “I was a catcher for most of my years playing softball. It’s murder on knees. It’s… not a pretty story to tell.”

“Still…” he trailed off, curious to see if she was going to share or if he hadn’t earned that right, yet.

“I’ve had so many injuries, including one that was caught on tape that I will never be able to bring myself to watch. I don’t remember much about that one except a collision and god-awful sounds and the worst pain I’ve ever been in. At some point I woke up in recovery after a surgery with a nasal cannula and days of foggy pain. That was my sophomore year of high school, well the spring part in play offs for state. It’s never been the same since… a few more injuries in college, enough that I didn’t get to try out for the Olympics. It’s gotten worse this spring, though. One wrong move during a workout… My orthopedic specialist has been after me for months to consider a new technique, but it means surgery, so I wanted to ride out the season with Step Up to the Plate.”

The silence that stretched out was surprising. Deep blue eyes lifted from the flowers to meet Paton’s. She looked a little surprised. “This… probably wasn’t the type of conversation you were expecting.” It sounded like an apology.

His mouth quirked into a half smile. “I think it’s safe to say that you have not been at all what I was expecting from the first day I met you.  I have yet to be disappointed about that.”

“Maybe a little disappointed when Bae had a black eye.”

“For half a moment,” he conceded. “But then disappointed later that I couldn’t stay angry with you because you handled an angry parent so well. I had in mind to call up your supervisor and give them a piece of my mind.” It made her blush, something that had happened several times already tonight. Paton found it rather endearing.

She smiled a little at that. “Until you realized I was the supervisor.”

“Something like that.” Before he could comment further, their waiter was emerging with a small salad and crab cakes for both of them.

They tucked into their food, which broke seemed to make both of them feel a little better. Belle finally took a sip of her water and continued. “Anyway, Graham and my father have both been dropping subtle and not-so-subtle hints that they want me to go through the surgery.”

“What do you think about that?” It was clear from her long pause before answering that it had been a while since someone had asked her about her thoughts. He made a mental note to do that more often.

She mulled over the question, chewing thoughtfully but the quiet was more relaxed now. Nearly halfway through, she took a long drink of her water before answering. “It’s hard… knowing how long recovery might take. The physical therapy I’ll have to deal with… But it’s not getting better, either. It’s more or less a knee replacement. And since I’m younger, it could mean another knee replacement eventually.”

Paton didn’t often feel out of his depth, but he was in this realm. He’d enjoyed pickup games of football, or rather soccer, and rugby as a boy. Sometimes even a game of cricket. Although he’d been better at football. But he’d never played at the level she had.

“Okay, your turn,” her sudden comment brought him from his reverie. “What’s the worst injury you’ve ever had?” Belle took a bite of her salad and watched him expectantly.

He dabbed his mouth before answering. “Cracked ribs and, bruises, and a broken wrist in something like year nine of school.” Her surprised was evident as he shifted in his seat. “It was a rough neighborhood. My mum was scraping by, and I think your term ‘jumped’ best describes it. That, more than anything, showed me how important it was to get out. To go the places my mum hoped I would. She cleaned homes and took in all sorts of mending and other work to keep us going.” He knew that Belle was sharp enough to notice he hadn’t mentioned his father, but he was glad they weren’t tackling that subject just now.

“It must’ve been hard.”

He nodded, “It took me a while to appreciate all of that. And I wasn’t the nicest person back then. Let’s say no one beat me up again after that.” Paton winced a little, knowing his choices when he was younger were certainly not ones he wanted Bae to repeat.

The rest of the meal eased into more relaxed conversation as they enjoyed their coq a vin and the sunset. As much as he was coming to like her, and possibly more that he wasn’t quite ready to admit to himself, Paton was surprised to find they had a few more things in common including a love of brunch, crème brulee, and the stars.

As they sipped coffee and watched the sky darken a touch more, Belle gave a contented sigh. “I wish we could see the stars better in the city.”

He swallowed a bite of dessert and cleared his throat. “We could drive outside the city and watch them. I, ah, didn’t bring a blanket this time, but we could still enjoy it if you like.” Paton couldn’t help but squirm a little, hoping she didn’t misunderstand him or think he was trying to lure her to some tawdry make-out point. Not that he didn’t want to kiss her. Because that had been an extremely pleasant surprise…

“Paton?”

“Hhm?” He blinked and she came into focus, chuckling a little.

“I said that could be nice.” Belle took one last sip of the water and set her napkin beside her plate. “No rush,” she added.

He took the moment to take a final drink of his coffee and then stood. “Don’t forget your flowers.”

Her eyebrows lifted in surprise. “I thought those were…”

“For you,” Paton assured, lifting the small arrangement, clear vase and all. He offered his free hand to help her to her feet and stepped back to allow her a moment to collect her things. As the approached the door and the stairs down to the foyer, he offered his arm. “Next time I’ll be sure there’s a lift.”

Belle wrapped one hand around his upper arm and the other went to the handrail. “As long as we take our time, I’ll be fine,” she promised.  Their descent was slower, but he let her set the pace, pausing when she did as though nothing was out of the ordinary about it. He wished he could make it magically better.

  She was glad she had her jacket. The night air coming in through the moon roof was cool, but Belle was not willing to say anything. The stars were so bright out here in a vacant lot on a back road outside of town. It was a breath of fresh air in every way, and Belle relaxed further into the reclined passenger’s seat.

“There’s the Big Dipper,” Paton murmured, pointing lazily above him from his spot reclined beside her. “Next time I’ll think to bring some blankets and the telescope.”

“You have a telescope?” she asked in surprise, twisting slightly to regard him, although she could barely make out his profile.

“Mhmmm, I want to get a better one when Bae is older, but it serves its purpose for now.”

“I had one when I was younger. We didn’t bring it when we moved from the west coast, and I think by then I was so busy with softball that I kind of … lost track of the idea of getting a new one. Sometimes when I was having a bad day in college Graham would take me down a dirt road, and we would go watch the stars… I dunno… things… just make more sense out here like this. Our… smallness. How big earth is. That it keeps going on and on despite us…”

“Graham seems very protective of you.” The words were neutral, but Belle caught the curiosity behind them.

She smiled a little in the darkness. “He’s the big brother I never had. And he’s been in love with Ruby for years. She’s too wild to see what she’s looking for is right in front of her. And he’s too far gone to look for anyone else.” It was a little amusing that Paton would wonder about her and Graham. “He’s also the best trainer we’ve ever had. And he’s one of the few people I’m willing to let near my knee when it’s bad.”

Somewhere in the distance the tree frogs were singing their night song. And occasionally Belle caught sight of a distant lightening bug. Her eyes scanned the sky again. “There’s Andromeda… it was one of my favorite stories as a girl.”

“The sacrifice given to the gods, rescued and made queen,” he mused quietly.

“I’ve always loved a good princess and dragon story.”

“Beauty and the beast,” Paton teased lightly.

“Yes,” she admitted. “I loved archetypes and theme. I almost majored in English or in Library Science.” She bit back a sigh. “Sometimes I think about going back and getting a second degree.”

“What stopped you?”

Belle went silent for several long moments. She’d never really fleshed it out. “There aren’t many jobs in libraries… and I have a lot of privilege because of my father and his money. It seemed… a little selfish to take a job I didn’t really need. If I could’ve landed one.”

“Any library would be proud to have you.”

“Business Management with a minor in non-profit seemed like something I could do to return a lot of … good back to the community. And once I found my niche, I do enjoy it.”

“There’s always time,” he added quietly. “If you really wanted to go back, the door is always open.”

She gave a murmur of agreement before feeling around a bit on the console. It was so dark out here, and she almost considered turning on her phone’s screen for some extra light, but she didn’t want to break the darkness. There was something intimate and more private about it. Her fingers finally found his, and she gave a soft squeeze. “Thank you. Tonight was wonderful.”

He gently brought her fingers to his lips, and she shivered feeling his warm breath against them before his lips brushed them lightly. “You’re welcome… and you’re cold. Shall we head back?”

“Can we stay just a bit longer?” she asked.

He reached over and turned on the car but left it in park and adjusted the settings so that warm air began blowing from the vents. “Of course.”

[do-not-call-me-meathead]

aposiopesis (part five)

My Orphan Black fic on AO3

part 1  part 2  part 3  part 4   part 6  part 7

@agoddamnsupernova

John Patrick Mathieson. Scott grinned when they discovered the real P.T. Westmorland and the fake. Cosima was glad, she was. She could have jumped up and down with glee, but she knew the fight wasn’t nearly over. And she didn’t know if this would send Rachel over the edge and realize that she was still being manipulated by a man pretending to be the founder of Neolution. Cosima could see first hand the reach that John had over people. He was a conman. A good one.

All they could do was send the information over to Sarah and Mrs. S and hope that Rachel would make the right decision. She didn’t know how Sarah could even negotiate with the woman. Rachel was the one to put a knife in Sarah’s leg and took Kira. Cosima couldn't imagine any forgiveness. All they could do now was wait.

And wait they did. They tried to pass the time by teaching Charlotte how to play Castle Panic. But Cosima’s mind was on Sarah and Kira. She needed for them to be okay.  She didn’t know what she would do if they weren’t.

Then there was a call. With shaky, nervous hands, she answered the phone and recognized Sarah’s voice almost right away.

"Cos, somebody wants to talk to you."

Cosima heard a rustle and a little cough.

"Auntie Cos? Mum said you’re home! And that you saved me. Thank you.”

Cosima almost dropped her phone in surprise to hear Kira’s small, almost groggy sounding, voice. She let out a small gasp and gave her friends the thumbs up and a grin. Kira was alive. Kira was alive and Sarah had her back.

“Oh, Kira. It’s so good to hear your voice. Your mom’s just being silly. We all know it was her that saved you. Are you doing okay?”

"Mhmmm. Rachel gave me back to mum. Mum looks tired."

Cosima chuckled. “Your mom barely sleeps, Kira. But we’re all so happy that you’re okay. Scott and Hell Wizard are dancing right now.” After hearing Kira giggle, she added, “I’m being serious. Oh, now Scott’s doing the worm on the floor. We’re all so excited to see you.”

"Mum said you can come to S’ house. We’re all going there. And I wanna meet Charlotte! Mum said you got the cure. Are you feeling better?"

Cosima laughed at Kira’s excitement and questions. She talked so quickly as if she didn’t have time. “Yeah, monkey. I am. Can I talk to your mom for a quick second?”

She heard the same rustle again.

"Oi, Cos. A’right?"

“Yeah, I just--are you sure you want me to come over? I just keep putting my foot in my mouth when I talk to you and--”

"Don’t be a twat. You’re always welcome. We’re pickin’ up a pizza. Bring everyone. Charlotte, Scott, Hell Wizard… it won’t be a long night, but I got thanks to give ‘round."

“Okay, cool. Um, I guess I’ll see you later then.”

In typical Sarah fashion, she hung up and Cosima looked up to find the three people staring at her. Scott had his eyes raised and Hell Wizard was smirking slightly.

“What? Why are you all staring? Sarah invited us all for pizza, are you guys in?”

They all nodded and were about to get up to leave when the door opened and Delphine appeared in the doorway. Delphine. Delphine, who was walking down the stairs to approach them. So much of Cosima’s attention had been on Sarah that Delphine (and their argument) had escaped her mind.

“Hello, Scott. Hell Wizard. Charlotte.” Delphine smiled gently and then turned to the scientist. “Cosima.”

Cosima inhaled deeply and turned to her friends. “I’ll meet you guys in the car. I just need a quick sec.”

The three left without any hesitation. Cosima finally exhaled. On instinct, she wanted to reach out and hold the blonde in front of her. Delphine was quiet like she was trying to read Cosima’s complicated expressions. The scientist didn’t know what to do, what to say, how to act.

“You’re angry with me,” Delphine whispered and slowly closed the space between them. “You think I should have fought them harder. That I should have fought to see you.”

Yes. Cosima let Delphine take a hold of her hands and press her forehead against hers. Cosima enjoyed the familiarity of the touch, the simplicity to it. Neither of them had loved anyone before as much as each other. As deeply as each other. First love. Joint hearts. Cosima just didn’t know if it was enough.

“I have to go,” Cosima whispered, not wanting to deal with the inevitable ‘are we’ or ‘aren’t we’ in their relationship. “Kira’s home. We’re going to see her.”

Delphine nodded. “Felix texted me. Maybe Rachel isn’t as…”

“Psycho?”

The French blonde chuckled. “Yes. Psycho. Maybe she isn’t as psycho as we had presumed.”

Cosima shrugged. “People can be surprising.”

“It’s okay,” Delphine said, changing the subject abruptly as she reached out and cupped the other scientist’s cheek. “You don’t have to… If my love isn’t enough, I understand.”

Cosima bit her lip and hoped that tears in her eyes wouldn’t fall. It was feeling like an ending, which didn’t seem right. She always thought that if she found Delphine again that they’d be together. That they’d have a happy ending. That they’d be making crazy science forever.

But Cosima knew they weren’t a fairytale. They had problems that couldn’t be ignored anymore just because they had all the love and passion in the world. Cosima was sometimes too blunt and too honest and Delphine was sometimes too secretive and too untrustworthy. They sometimes felt like they were on opposing sides even if they were on the same one.

“It’s not your love,” Cosima reassured her and kissed her gently. “We have loved each other so much, Delphine. I have loved you so much. You have no idea.”

Delphine fluttered with laughter. “I think I have some idea.”

“But our timing sucks. Our circumstances suck. If I wasn’t a freaking clone and you weren’t--”

“Your monitor,” Delphine finished with a sigh. “I wish that too, ma chérie. I wish I had never… betrayed you. Lied to you. I just want you to be happy. And if you think I could make you happy, my arms are open. If I am not the person that would make you happy, then we can part.”

It was too much for Cosima to handle at the moment. She was just so torn and confused and there was still Sarah that was in the back of her mind. She wasn’t sure that Sarah was into her (or women for that matter), but she still couldn’t stop thinking about their kiss and the way that Sarah made her feel, even if they weren’t together.

Delphine was giving her an out, but Cosima didn’t know if she necessarily wanted one. Delphine was giving her an in, but she didn’t know if she wanted one. She loved her. That, she was sure of. But she wasn’t sure if that love would last. Or if it was enough. Or if… if it wasn’t just lingering love that was there because she had loved her so much.

“You don’t have to give me your answer now,” Delphine reassured her and kissed her. “I can wait. For you, I can wait.”

Cosima kissed her and promised she would give her an answer soon. They kissed a few more times before they both exited the building and went their own separate directions.

..........

Sarah was cautiously happy. Cosima could see her smile when Kira bombarded the scientist with a hug when she entered the house, but she also saw it fade. Cosima understood. Of course, Kira’s return was worth celebrating, but the war wasn’t over. They had to expect retaliation.

The first thing Cosima did was introduce Kira to Charlotte. They hugged awkwardly but then smiled. Kira offered to share her stuff (clothes and toys) with Charlotte and the clone thanked her appreciatively. Charlotte asked Kira if she liked science and the two of them jumped into a conversation about physics that Cosima had taught Kira. Cosima smiled. She knew they’d get along great.

Cosima embraced Felix and Siobhan too. They thanked her for all her work and help.

“Gosh, I should be thanking you two. The clone club wouldn’t be here if it weren’t for those who aren’t clones and their selflessness.”

Felix smirked. “Sap.”

Siobhan slapped his arm. “Hush. Thank you, Cosima. We’re a family, you know. And everything you have done for Kira and Sarah, let’s call it even.”

Cosima grinned. That sounded good to her.

Felix asked about Delphine and Cosima admitted the truth. She didn’t know what they were or what direction their relationship was heading. He asked if they were ending it. She only shrugged and he patted her shoulder.

“She has gorgeous hair,” Felix stated seriously with a sigh. “But you’re loads better. Might be a bit of bias. But darling, we all just want you to be happy.”

“I know,” Cosima replied with a solemn nod. “So does Delphine.”

She changed the topic of conversation and asked about Alison. Felix revealed that she was home and was trying to get settled a little but would show up later. Cosima missed her greatly and was excited to give her the cure. Though, she and Scott needed to make some more.

Cosima wanted to talk to Sarah, but the punk was almost entirely wrapped up into a conversation with Art. He stood near her almost constantly, as if he was shielding her. Like he was trying to protect her.

“Mum’s happy you’re here,” Kira whispered as she gave Cosima yet another grateful hug.

“Really?” Cosima asked her in more of a questioning tone than she had intended. She didn’t think Sarah looked at her more than twice all night long. “Did she say something?”

Kira shook her head. “I can feel it. She feels calm when you’re around. Lighter.”

Cosima gulped. She hoped that Kira didn’t feel what Cosima had been feeling for her mom recently.

“You should go talk to her. She missed you a lot when you were on the island.”

Cosima couldn’t say no to Kira. She gave the young girl a tight squeeze before heading over to the punk who was leaning on a wall, talking to Art about something.

“There’s nothing you can do right now, Sarah,” She heard Art tell her as she approached them.

“I know but--Cosima.”

Art turned around and forced a smile. “It’s good to have you back, Niehaus. I’ll leave you two to it.”

When Art was out of earshot, Cosima asked, “Is everything alright?”

Sarah sighed and banged her head lightly against the wall. “Somethin’ don’t feel right. I dunno. I’m unsettled, I guess. I’m also not a shindig kinda gal.”

Cosima snorted. “I thought you were quite the party animal.”

Sarah rolled her eyes. “This isn’t a party, geek monkey. How are--”

They were interrupted by the opening of the front door. Alison. Alison with shorter hair, flowing clothes, and purple streaks. It was hard for people not to stare, but surprisingly, it was Sarah who broke the silence and the barrier by walking up to the clone and hugging her.

Alison made an “Oh!” sound and then patted the woman’s back. “It’s good to see you, too, Sarah.”

Sarah pulled away quickly and brushed her fingers through her hair to try to gain back some of her dignity and rough exterior. “Yeah. It’s been a while. Thanks for comin’.”

“Of course, Sarah.” Alison shook her head slightly as if she was annoyed that Sarah thought that she would somehow not decide to come.

Kira ran up to Alison and hugged her. She told the soccer mom that she liked her hair and Alison thanked her.

“You look good, Alison,” Cosima greeted and hugged the woman. “I like the purple. Very hip. Ooh and zen.”

“I also got a tattoo!” Alison yelped and almost pulled down her pants before Sarah slapped her hand.

“We can all compare our tats at a later time, Hendrix. Come in. I know Fee is really--”

“Oh my god.” Felix approached Alison and stared at her. “You’re marvelous.”

Cosima wanted to pay attention to all the catching up and hugs, but she couldn’t get over Sarah’s words. Our tats.

.....

After a few hours and a few beers, people started to leave. Scott and Hell Wizard were first to go (after making sure with Cosima that she didn’t want to go with them). Then Alison who overshared about needing to reconnect with her husband. Charlotte decided to stay and sleep over with Kira before Art had to pick them up tomorrow morning and bring them to his ex. Eventually, Siobhan went to her room and Felix fell asleep on the couch. It was just Cosima and Sarah left, drinking beer and sitting on the floor.

“You can stay, y’know. My bed has enough room. And I probably won’t be sleepin’ anyway.”

Cosima was barely paying attention to Sarah’s words. “Do you think Rachel’s on our side now? Do you think we could work with her?”

Sarah furrowed her eyebrows. “She stabbed me, Cos. I put a pencil in her eye. I don’t think we could ever bury the hatchet and become mates.”

“You shot Helena. Helena killed Amelia and the other clones. And I said nothing about you guys being friends.”

Sarah glared at her. “You’re makin’ me regret offerin’ you a bed.”

Cosima snorted. “Sorry. I just… when I think about the life she’s had, her childhood, I can’t help but have a little sympathy for her. And she’s probably gay.”

Sarah choked on her beer. “What? How the bloody hell do you know that? And why the hell does that matter anyway? ”

“When we first met, one of the first things she asked me was if I was gay. It seemed so foreign to her. Out of all the things she wanted to know about me, it was that. It made me feel sad for her, almost.”

“You might have a point, Cos. But I hope not. I don’t wanna relate to her in any way.”

Cosima didn’t know if it was the alcohol or what, but she felt like Sarah was coming out to her. “What do you mean?”

Sarah shrugged and took another swig. “I dunno. It’s nothin’.”

The scientist frowned. She could see that there was something that the other woman wanted to say but remained silent about it. Like there was a secret lodged inside of her, terrified to leave the darkness.

“You know, I didn’t know I was gay until I was sixteen. For the longest time, I wasn’t interested in anyone. Like, at all. Which was fine because I was focused on school anyway. But one day, I had a new lab partner in chemistry and… it all clicked.”

Sarah looked up at Cosima and tilted her head. “Did you two date?”

Cosima snorted. “Hell no. After weeks of pining, I found out she was already dating this guy. I knew him, he was cool, it made sense. Broke my heart, though. Nah, I didn’t have a girlfriend until college, actually. I’ve always kind of sucked at relationships.”

Sarah raised her beer and said, “You’re preachin’ to the choir. That’s why I don’t do ‘em.”

“What about Cal?”

Anger seemed to roar through Sarah’s body. “He’s not here, is he?”

Cosima frowned, feeling like she overstepped. “I’m sorry.”

Sarah shrugged. “S’no problem. C’mon, Cos. Let’s go to bed.”

She hadn’t let the scientist disagree with her. Cosima silently followed Sarah to her bedroom. It was dark. Pleasantly dark. The two of them just crawled into the sheets and laid down, facing the ceiling.

“I was fourteen when I first had sex,” Sarah confessed after a few minutes of silence. “He was twenty. I don’t really know if it was rape. Coulda been. I was out of it. Dunno if I was hammered or high but… it fucked me up. I was seventeen when I first shagged a girl. She and I were shacked up in an abandoned house. We fucked for warmth.”

Cosima bit her lip. “Sarah, you don’t have to--”

“But this what you wanted, innit? You shared ‘cause you wanted me to. I sleep with both. Sometimes together, sometimes not. Orgies ain’t really my thing, but threesomes and foursomes are fine. Drugs make it better. Relationships make it worse. Shite. This is why I don’t share, Cos. It isn’t… ”  

Cosima watched as tears fell down Sarah’s cheeks. The scientist held her hand and squeezed it. “I’ll listen to whatever you want to say. And if you don’t wanna say anything, that’s cool too. I didn’t mean to push you.”

“Y’didn’t. It’s me. I’m afraid…” Sarah whispered quietly and trailed off.

“Of what?”

“Nothin’. Nevermind. Sorry.”

Cosima shook her head and moved so that she was facing Sarah’s body. “Don’t be. I feel it too.”

Sarah gulped. “What do we do?”

The scientist didn’t have a good answer for her. She didn’t know how she felt, how to solve it, how to make things better. She just knew that there was something there.

“We hope that it feels clearer in the morning.”

Sarah sighed appreciatively. She turned so that she could see Cosima and closed her eyes. Cosima prayed for sleep.

--------

thanks for reading! let me know if you want me to add you to the tags!

[finderskeepersff]

Epilogue. Part 1

“What about the kids, I can’t do this Sofia. I can’t, you are not thinking right” Cassius said in a panicked tone, he is scared and I understand why “the kids will thank you more, I am taking this into my hands, I am telling you now. I want you gone. Leave, go Cassius. If you don’t go now then you can kiss your life goodbye, I am telling you now Cassius, go!” my voice broke “I don’t want to leave you here, I will wait” I was breaking “no, you need to go! You go and take this opening where you can leave, Kalia has done this so you can go, please just go!” I shouted, I am angry at myself for breaking as the tears escaped, Cassius grabbed my arms and pulled me into him. “This is a nice ass house, don’t you think?” Gio said behind me, he broke my train of thoughts of that night, turning around to him “it is huge but he said freestyle, we know that doesn’t really go well and they always want something else besides what I assume” I ain’t going to do anything, my phone started ringing in my hand “ignore him, I will contact the client and ask again. But I think because he liked the bedroom you did, he said you got taste” looking down at my phone “god” I breathed out “hello” answering the call “hi, is this Mrs Warren?” the lady said down the phone “yes it is” walking away from Gio slowly “this is Mrs Greg from Brandon Hall, Cartier is not well. He wants to go home, he is in reception waiting for you. He is upset” that boy, he was so moody in the morning when I dropped him off, closing my eyes breathing out and I know he ain’t causing me shit right now “ok, I will be coming” I have no choice “bye Mrs Warren” he knew I was working far out today, I told him and I said Cartier don’t think about making me come back because you’re not well, you are well. Locking my phone “Gio, I am so sorry. I wanted to finish off with you, with being your partner in the company, I wanted to do this with you. I will work from home. Cartier is not well, I had feeling he would do this” Gio waved me off “do not say sorry, please don’t! It’s fine, kids come first. Just email me, and enjoy your time away ok” hugging Gio “thank you and take pictures for me of this room, send it me so I can runs some ideas by him, see you soon boo” grabbing my bag from the snooker table to walk out, I am so damn busy with everything, working mother life I guess.

Locking my Bentley door as I made way to the school, a whole hour it has taken me to come back here for this child of mine. All of my kids are in private school, I wanted to make sure they got the best, I didn’t want them to go to regular schools, I wanted the best for them and it does cost but it is so worth it, they get better education and I know they do enjoy it, I know Cartier does but he is playing up, he is doing it on purpose, I know him. Pressing the buzzer and stepping back, I should just teach his ass a lesson and say no and make Josiah pick him up, Josiah would really drill into his mind about being good, maybe I let him off too much “hello Brandon Hall Elementary” the lady said in the intercom “hi, I am here for Cartier Warren, I am his mother” I will judge Cartier once I see him, I need to see his persona “come on in” she unlocked the door, dragging it open and stepping into the school “hello, hi. Cartier’ mother” the receptionist said, where is she saying this from. Looking around me and she came from around the wall “follow me” I hope he hasn’t been naughty instead, following behind the lady, now I am nervous. I get scared to think I am not a good enough mother, or I am just letting them off. I don’t want that either “mommy, mommy, mommy. This is my mommy” the sound of my daughter’ voice screaming “don’t run! Sienna!” looking behind me, her arms attached to my legs “hey baby” looking down at her “mommy, you here!” she looked up at me, Cassius whole face on this girl, Cassius is just staring at me “I am here for your brother baby, what are you doing?” her teacher came rushing over “Sienna, you can’t run away like that. Hi Mrs Warren, we was just going to do story time in the story room, come let’s go to class now” her teacher held her hand out, crouching down “I will be back to pick you up baby, ok” hugging Sienna “I miss you” she gives the best hugs “I miss you too, you go now. Be good” she is so adorable in her uniform, my favourite child “bye mommy!” getting up from my position, the receptionist smiled at me “I guess when you have both kids in the same school it happens” rushing to her.

Do they have my son in a holding cell, what is this “we put him here, he said he was unwell and we thought he could lay down” she opened the door “I will get Mrs Greg for you” she opened the door, side eyeing her as she moved out of the way, walking into the room. Cartier turned in the seat and looked at me with his puppy dog eyes “I will be back” she walked off “Cartier” closing the door behind me “I want to go” he got up from the seat, he is ready to leave “no, you sit there. You’re unwell, what is wrong?” he is a liar, he ain’t ill “I feel sick” he mumbled “where is the sick? If you sick then then there would be actual sick around, I don’t see it? Cartier, look at me” he is lying to me and I don’t want that from him “what?” he dragged his eyes up to me “are you ill?” I asked him “yeah” so he is going to carry on with it “if I ask you again and you lie to me then we going to have problems, are you ill?” he sighed out, he sighed out like he got real problems in life “no” I knew that “why? Cartier you knew this, I said I am busy today, I got a big day today. And then we going away tonight, I am busy but you make it worse for me, because you can’t be bothered to be here. You’re not stupid, you know this” the door opened behind me “Mrs Warren, hello. Cartier how are you feeling?” she asked, I would like to whoop his ass “what has happened to your shoes?” I just seen the mess of them now “yes Mrs Warren, before Cartier said he was not well. We was doing some painting and a student by accident dropped paint on his shoes” I just seen the fucking mess of his shoes and pants “is that child going to buy him new ones, look at the mess of that!” let me calm my ass down “I understand Mrs Warren, can I just speak to you outside” there is more to this story “just wait there” I said to Cartier, walking behind Mrs Greg outside the room, she closed the door “Cartier when he came in, he was sombre. He has been sombre when we started, we started off fine though, I picked up on his mood. We did some arts, he wanted to sit on his own, his friends wanted to be close, Cartier refused and then that happened and Cartier to then tell the boy he would kill them you don’t know me, before it escalated I broke them up and helped Cartier clean his things, then he said he is not well, is everything ok at home?” I had a feeling there was more to this “he misses his dad” I admitted “and I will deal with him” walking around her, I just want to go.

Placing my bag on the back seat before slamming the car door shut, I am very annoyed still. The boy is not even ill and he is sat in my front seat acting butt hurt about his dad. I don’t smoke but recently I started, I am stressed out of my mind and I am trying my best to be good for these kids. I am trying to live a normal life and work, it’s hard to juggle it all. I was going to light one but I just want to go home, dragging open the door to get inside “that paint on your pants better not mark the seats” getting inside the drivers seat “I want to go home” he said, he is so grumpy and he reminds me of Cassius. Sienna got Cassius face but this child got Cassius personality “mhmmm” putting my car engine on “you want to get some frozen yoghurt?” I try and be strict with him “do you want it?” he asked me, I smiled a little “if that means you speak to me?” he nodded his head “then we will go for you” I had to laugh, that is such a Cassius thing to do “ok boss” shaking my head laughing.

Sitting down across from Cartier, a lot as happened and I wish he wasn’t so clever with shit. I married Cassius knowing the life I was getting myself into but it’s still so hard, the life he lived would catch up on him and I have always been so scared of it but it happened and I had to make that decision. Cartier has been struggling with the thought that his dad just walked out on us but I told Cassius to go, either he would have got locked up or killed and I told Cassius to go, I told him to escape so he went. I didn’t ever explain that to any of these kids because the next day the police were at the house, they wanted him and they had the proof, there was no way any of them getting away from this and I didn’t want to test that out either, it was awful. Seeing my husband a wanted man, it hurt me. They knew I was lying but Cassius and I had to split, no speaking, no connection because till this day they still monitor us and I can’t risk losing him to be locked up or even me now, I need to be here for my kids. I don’t know where Cassius is, Kyle also ran with him, and Amira because of the club she had to go. It’s a mess, I never told any of the kids why just because if they get questioned they could say anything but it’s hard on me, he did send a letter to me. Cassius didn’t want to go, it was hard to make him go but I didn’t want him locked up for life, that was it “you look upset” Cartier said while playing with his frozen yoghurt “I am just thinking Cartier, I don’t like to see you upset, you know this” he shrugged, with his stubborn self as always.

That poking the lips out sad face he is doing right now “talk to me, we have” looking down at my rolex “an hour, then we need to go and pick up your little siblings. Talk to me” Cartier slid off the seat, he dragged the chair close to me “what are you doing?” he placed the chair right next to me “before dad left us, he said to always look after you” he climbed onto the seat “you know I don’t need that, I will look after you, not the other way around” I chuckled “but mom, why did dad go? It’s his birthday today, I heard you telling Auntie Mia, that is why I am sad. Why did he leave us, did I make him sad? What is it?” shaking my head “it’s nothing to do with you Cartier, all I want for you is to be good in school, you got football to do. Coach said you are lacking, just because dad is not here that does not mean you do this. You’re nine and you acting like you’re grown, be a child and what you said in school, listen to me” I pointed at him, he was about to speak “you do not ever say that to anybody, I will not have it” Cartier is mean mugging me “I know what dad did mom, kill everybody. They call me young don!” gripping his face “you are not that! Me and Cassius did not put you into private school for you to think that! Your father did not go to your football games every morning for you to be like this, he did not want that! You know that, you listen to me Cartier, you stop it. You are hurting me, those people were stupid” he is hurting me, I don’t want that for my son. Not that life “I just want dad, why did he go mom?” Cartier sobbed, moving my hand away from his face and hugged my son “baby, it’s for the best trust me. It’s me” it breaks my heart to even hear the sound of his cries.

I don’t want to cry but his little face, for him to think it is him when it is not him “it’s his birthday and I want to see him, tell him I will be good” my lower lip quivered, wiping Cartier’ tears with my thumb “he knows” I strained out, moving my hands back from Cartier looking away from him. I did this, I made this decision for Cassius to go and at times I think I did wrong but I didn’t, I would be visiting him in jail or his grave. He had everyone after him, you get too big that is what happens “I love you mom, you’re strong” taking in a deep breath “thank you, we need to go and get your siblings now. Please trust me ok? And when we get home, get your things together, we are going on a family holiday” Cartier moved from the chair and walked to me, hugging him as he held me “it’s ok to cry Cartier, sometimes we all need to cry but I need you to trust me. And trust me when I say your dad loves you, he loves his little dada boy. And if you want to ever cry again, you cry. I am always here for you, just like you are here for me” when I told Cartier and Sienna Cassius left, they was heartbroken but Cartier was angry at first, but then it turned into hurt, now he misses him but Sienna she gets on with it.

Getting out of the car “come on you, I am not leaving you in the car alone” he wants me to go inside and leave him in the car, he is funny “fine” he sighed out, I just love that my kids are in private schooling, I just want the best for them “come on” holding my hand out to Cartier “mom, I’m big now” I laughed “so what, you are my baby. Even though I have your little brother too, but you are my first baby” Cartier held my hand “when are we going to Barbados again? It’s fun there” I chuckled “how do you know we going there?” he is cute “really!?” he spat “yes I am not joking, we going away there. Now you ruined it” walking towards Cassiel preschool class before I get Sienna, Cassius named Cassiel him damn self, I left him to it and this is the name we get but I am happy with it actually, it is different. He just turned four three weeks ago, I seem to have my kids near Cassius birthday which is funny to me but I am done with kids now. All of them under ten is a pain but I love them all so much “are we staying there for long?” Cartier asked “erm, about two weeks, we will back before you go back to school” smiling at some of the parents walking by me, I don’t ever speak to these people.

Cartier ran inside Cassiel’ preschool class “hey! Cartier leave him” these boys, Cartier grabbed Cassiel “mommy!” poking my lips out at him, he just so adorable “Cartier, leave him. Let him come to me” I can tell he is about to cry, Cartier let him go so he can run to me “awww you had a good day baby” catching him as I picked him up “mommy missed you too, big boy” he is heavy “you show mommy the picture you drew” his teacher came over to me “oh wow, Cassiel, you did this” grabbing the picture from the teacher “for me?” I asked, he nodded his head and then he kicked his foot right on my thigh “ouch” moving the paper back seeing Cartier trying to take his shoe off “leave him!” these kids are a pain, Cartier still held onto his foot “mommy! He mean” Cassiel whined out “I know, Cartier will stop it! Seriously” Cartier pouted letting his shoe go “go and get your bag baby” placing Cassiel on the floor “you stay here with me!” I pointed at Cartier, he is being a brat now Cassiel is here “here!” Cassiel ran at me with his bag.

Sienna and Cartier ran ahead but Cassiel held my hand as walked slowly towards the car “you two! Calm down, Cartier. Let Sienna sit in the front, it is her turn now” this is why they are running, for the damn front seat. Sienna and Cartier are like twins to me, they are so damn close and Cartier adores her so much but they do fight a lot “what did I say? I am not going to unlock the door until you let her sit in the front, it is her turn” my poor girl, she has no chance with Cartier “mommy, tell him!” she yelped “I am first born! I am older!” he shouted “and you don’t raise your voice!” I spat “now you listen to me, when I unlock this door, you sit in the back” Cartier didn’t move back, he is adamant in doing this. Moving my hand away from Cassiel “right move” pulling them both away from the door, unlocking the door and opening the door, pushing the seat forward “get in now” grabbing his arm and yanked him forward “don’t piss me off, get in now!” I spat, these kids are so annoying “and you too!” grabbing Sienna “why mom!” she spat “I saw you laughing so that is why, Cassiel will sit in front. None of you kids listen to me, and Cartier. You’re working my last nerve!” pushing the seat back “come here baby” Cassiel is such a good boy “kids huh” looking up at this random guy just smiling with his daughter “hi Cass!” the little girl waved at Cassiel, a small smile played on my lips, the name Cass “hi” Cassiel said to her “I know, just don’t have anymore” I said to him “you got your hands full, anyways Amerie say bye” she waved at Cassiel, look at my baby boy pulling a girl.

Helping Cassiel out of the car “ok kids, we need to get ready and we need to leave to go Barbados” Cartier ran out of the car from the drivers side “Cartier, I am serious. If I see you playing in the games room I will be very angry!” glaring at him but Cartier never listens, Cassiel also ran and then Sienna, they are all going to do the same thing. These kids never listen and then leave all of their bags in the car, reaching into the back seat and grabbing the backpacks “Sofia” moving back away from the car and seeing Omen stood outside the gate “hey” he waved at me lightly, Cassius has some real loyal people and he still remained around for me and the kids, he didn’t get caught up in it all. Closing the car door and walking towards the gate “what are you doing here?” I asked as I got closer “you know me, I am always checking on you and the kids, I sold the diamonds for you. It was hard, I rode all the way to Hollywood and got a good price, where would you like me to put the cash?” when Mitch gave me the diamonds I didn’t know what to do with them and I gave them to Omen, clearly he is better than me “I am going away, keep it with you. Take your cut” Omen but his hand up “no, I did it for you. I am not that, Cassius has helped me a lot, so yeah. I will save it. Hey” Omen waved, looking behind me “mom” Cartier slowly walking over to me “go and get the bags out of the car” Cartier is staring at Omen “have you seen my dad?” frowning at Cartier “what I say? Go and get the bags out of the car” Cartier’ eyes didn’t leave Omen “now!” I spat, Cartier looked at me before he turned away “he’s questioning still?” nodding my head “he is, I stay with my decision. He is only god knows but I stick with it, I didn’t want him dead, I didn’t want him locked up either and soon. We will meet” Omen smiled at me “there is more people in Brooklyn, shit ain’t the same anymore. He was the president of Brooklyn, shit was deep. But I live here now pretty much, last I heard was he gone and then your home got raided and they took you in for questioning” I sighed out heavily “if they find out I have anything to do with him, I will be locked up too. I lied, I don’t regret it though. I helped him, it’s hard and Cartier is taking it bad. He worries me but thanks yeah. I haven’t moved yet soon though” I can’t wait to be with Cassius one day, I hope.

I tell Cartier to bring things inside and he leaves it on the floor “kids!” closing the door behind me “who was that guy? I don’t want another dad mom, I am leaving if you do that” who is this child even mean mugging “Cartier if you are asking me to beat you then keep talking, you and I both know that has already happened. You fix your fucking face too, I am not asking him to be your dad. Go to your room, pack your shit” Cartier turned on the step and stomped back up them “Cassiel, all I need you to do is sit and be good, take your coat off too” I don’t need him under my feet “mom! Tell him, go away!” Sienna shouted, walking up the steps “get off! It’s mine!” I just want a break from these kids and I can’t wait to get this in Barbados, my grandparents take over so I can just relax.

[jeonakookie]

I Wish (3)

Pairing: JungkookxOC

Word Count: 2.8k

Summary: Zoya and Jungkook had lost touch years ago. When a situation brings them back into each other lives, they try to go back to how things were as best friends once again. But a lot can change in 8 years. People. Feelings.

Masterlist

“Oi! Why are your short legs making you fly out of there?” Alice questioned. Zoya didn’t entertain the light insult in the question.

“Nothing, we need to get home, that’s all. It’s quite late.” Zoya continued to speed walk towards the underground, with her friends following her confused.

“Zoya!” The distant call of her name urged her to walk faster.

“Zoya!” She could hear the running and then it stopped. “Please.” The voice finished with a sigh. Zoya slowed down, hesitating to a stop. Jungkook could have easily caught up, but he was giving her a choice. Sighing, she slowly turned to face Jungkook who had a cap and mask on. Zoya glanced behind him, self-consciously. She could see her friends enjoying watching the scene unfold before them.

“Jungkook what are you doing? You can still get mobbed by fans here. A cap and mask aren’t exactly inconspicuous.” Zoya murmured to the tall man urgently. “Go. Go before someone recognises you.”

“Before someone recognises me just like you tried to leave before I recognised you?”

There was no point in denying it, “I don’t know what you’re talking about?” But that didn’t stop her from trying.

He arched his brow, and with a smile, he shook his head. “Still as stubborn as ever.”

“I…I don’t…” Zoya tried to keep lying but there was a lump in her throat. Sighing, she looked at him with a sheepish smile and simply said, “Hi.”

To which he replied with a “Hey.”

Shaking her head in mock disappointment, Zoya said “8 years with me and you still suck at English. Yeah that’s right, I know about your English score Jeon Jungkook.” Zoya’s laugh stopped midway when she felt a body embrace her. Once Zoya got over the initial shock, she hugged Jungkook back. When they both pulled back, they couldn’t stop themselves from smiling. “Maybe we should stop smiling so much, we probably look like fools.” She commented to which he chuckled and said, “I can’t help that I’m happy I found my childhood friend at my group’s concert of all places.” He proceeded to pat Zoya’s head to which she swatted away, grumbling about him messing up her scarf.

“You look different.” He said awkwardly. Zoya knew he was referring to her scarf but didn’t know whether to point it out, so she decided to tease him. She, in all her extra fashion, started fiddling with the material on her head and flicking it back like it was hair and sighed dramatically before saying “I don’t know what you’re talking about.” Zoya laughed at the face Jungkook pulled when he realised she was teasing him. She lightly nudged him whilst still laughing and they both turned towards her amused friends. They didn’t need to know Korean to understand what just happened, and Zoya didn’t miss the smirks they adorned.

Zoya walked towards her friends with Jungkook, feeling sheepish at their expressions and she knew they had something to say. She introduced them officially to Jungkook and he nodded politely and shyly said, in a small accent “Nice to meet you.”

“Guys, as you know this is Jungkook.” She said.

She received a “Mhmmm.” In response from Alice, who continued to smirk. Zoya rolled her eyes with a smile and muttered a “Shut up.” To which Alice proceeded to laugh, enjoying teasing her friend.

Looking back at the boy, Zoya said “You should get back, the boys might be worried and you’re definitely in trouble after running out like that.”

Jungkook pouted and sighed, making Zoya pinch his cheek. Jungkook grimaced “Yah, stop it. I’m not a child.”

“Then stop pouting like one and go.”  She giggled.

“Are you coming to tomorrow’s show?” He asked with hopeful eyes. She gave a sad smile and shook her head.

“I’m leaving London tomorrow…” Jungkook raised an eyebrow in questioning, “…I don’t live in London, I live in a different city.” He then nodded in understanding, but also looked disappointed but then his face lit up again.

“Wait, when are you leaving?”

“Around 4, I think.” Zoya looked confused as to what Jungkook was trying to get at.

“Meet us tomorrow as well, before the concert. Please.” Jungkook could see Zoya was unsure. With a glance at her friends, she conceded with a sigh.

“Fine.” Her answer made Jungkook break out into a huge smile.

Jungkook had his hand out, obviously to put his number in her phone. As she handed it over he said, “Great, I’ll text you where to meet us.” he said as he returned her phone. “I’ll see you tomorrow.” He shouts and waves as he jogs back towards the arena. Zoya smiled after him and glanced down at her phone and saw ‘JK’ in her recent contacts list.

“So…” Arielle starts, causing Zoya to look up. She shyly smiled at them as they gave her questioning looks.

“We’re seeing them tomorrow as well just before we leave.” Laughing slightly at their shocked faces, “Come on let’s get back to the place, I’m exhausted.

On their way back, it only consisted of excited chatter of the next day and that night Zoya slept with a smile on her face.

___

They were on their way to where Jungkook had texted Zoya to meet them and there was a skip in her step as they walked towards the direction. All the girls slowed down when they saw a crowd forming ahead. ‘Oh no’ she thought, thinking that maybe they got sighted by fans. Pushing their way closer to the crowd and Zoya let out a blood curdling scream when she got near enough to see what all the commotion was about. She pushed her way to the front and went to run towards the scene, but she was immediately stopped by a hand that belonged to a police officer. Tears streamed down her face and she looked past the officer. There lay Jungkook in a pool of blood and slowly a sheet was being pulled over his lifeless body. “No…” She whispered. “No, no! Jungkook!” She grew hysterical and sobs wracked through her body.

Zoya shot up in bed with a short cry of “No!”, feeling her erratic heart. There was a groaning and, from the bed next to her, Alice grumbled “What the hell Zoya.” Maybe she shouldn’t have watched that episode of ‘Criminal Minds’ before bed. She checked her time on the phone and it read ‘8:06’; she sighed as her hands ran over her face. “Sorry, bad dream.” She murmured softly to Alice.  Zoya decided she’d have a shower and start getting ready, waiting for Jungkook’s text. Not long after, the house became lively with the bustling sound of everyone getting ready because they had to look ‘snatched for their men’– Alice’s words, not Zoya’s. “I looked like a hot arse, sweaty mess, yesterday after the concert, Jimin is going to see me today and he’s going REMEMBER who Alice King is.” She said as she applied her highlighter.

Zoya laughed at her friend’s enthusiasm and agreed, “He’d be crazy not to. You are after all ‘The Goods 2.0’” Zoya laughed further at Alice’s unimpressed face. Zoya’s friends were well endowed and they had decided to name Lauren’s assets ‘The Goods’ and found fun in teasing her, but Lauren and Zoya also enjoyed teasing Alice as well.

Ten minutes later the girls were nearly ready and Jungkook had texted her to meet them at the arena through a certain entrance. “Guys now is not the time to be late.” Zoya complained. “We need to go.”

“Come on, let’s go, go, go! Chop chop!” Alice decided to reiterate her friend’s words with more force. And it seemed to work because they were out within seconds.

They had gotten off the tube and the O2 arena was now in their sights and the excitement grew amongst the girls again. They all calmed themselves down before following Jungkook’s instructions, passing by all the lines of excited fans and went to the entrance, and they were then led into the arena by security. It was slightly busy as the staff got ready for another show and were checking the mic’s, and Zoya saw the boys on stage talking amongst each other about, what seemed like, the staging.

Noticing a new presence, all of them turned towards Zoya and her friends and they all smiled at them. Namjoon notified the group of girls that they needed to rehearse and Jungkook told them to enjoy. They all sat down and watched the boys perform immaculately and even enthusiastically applauded to which they smiled bashfully at, whilst making their way off the stage to greet the girls. Jungkook went immediately towards Zoya and hugged her in front of everyone and she felt her face heat up. Zoya was mentally shaking her head thinking ‘they’re peas in the same pod’ as both of their groups of friends smirked at them.

“How are you feeling?” She asked them all. Namjoon decided to reply in English, to which Zoya smiled at. He was very considerate.

“We’re nervous, it’s always nice to perform in a new place, but we want to give our best to our fans.”

“You guys were amazing last night. I have no doubt that you’ll be just as great tonight. ARMY will be happy with your performance because they know how hard you guys work.” Hope said. All the girls murmured in agreement.

“You guys are very selfless, but I think I can say on behalf of all your fans, that we want you to take care of yourselves as well.” Alice added and smiled warmly at them. Namjoon translated what the two girls said. Zoya didn’t miss the way certain boys looked at her friends, specifically Jimin, Taehyung and Seokjin. The cogs in Zoya’s heads were turning and a sly smile made its way on her face.

“Alice, I just remembered, I think I dropped erm…my…Fenty thing in the waiting room yesterday, do you think it’d still be there?” Zoya asked with a worry laced voice. Zoya’s ‘Fenty thing’ was safe and sound in her make up bag and she knew it, that doesn’t mean they had to know. Alice shrugged. Zoya internally rolled her eyes at her ‘helpful’ friend.

“I don’t know, we can go check.” Namjoon offered. All the other boys looked lost. Zoya proceeded to say she lost something that might be in the waiting room in Korean.

“Oh, we’ll help you look!” Jimin said with a bright smile, and the others agreed. Zoya had to fight the smirk that threatened to show on her face, ‘just like putty in my hands’ she thought.

“Oh really?” Thank you. I hope it’s still there.” Zoya acted gracious with a big smile. Slowly Jimin was leading the way and Zoya momentarily blocked everyone’s path but Alice’s and Jimin’s ‘without realising’. “Oh sorry, I thought I remembered something. Okay let’s go.” She said as she moved out of everyone else’s way. Arielle proceeded to go alongside Hoseok with Amanda and Namjoon, followed by Hope, Seokjin and Taehyung. Jungkook and Yoongi were still yet to move and she looked at them with a confused look as they both smirked at her. “What?”

“You’re very clever. Sly, but clever nonetheless.” Jungkook commented with amusement gracing his features.

“The others may be none the wiser, but we see what you did.” Yoongi added with a smile as he shook his head.

Zoya mustered up her biggest clueless face, “I have no idea what you’re talking about.” She ended with a smirk as she whipped back in the direction their friends had gone and skipped ahead as she called back, “Come along boys!” The two boys shook their heads in disbelief at the girl, but they both also smiled fondly at her behaviour as they followed her lead. Jungkook could only think of how glad he was that he had found his best friend again, but something different stirred in him this time.

Just ahead of those three, were Seokjin, Hope and Taehyung. The two boys had somehow started a compliment battle over Hope, and she didn’t mind at first.

“You look nice today.” Taehyung had started.

“Yes, very good.” Seokjin added.

“Aw, thank you.” Hope smiled at them both and giggled feeling bashful at the compliment. Hope, however, was unaware of the boys having a brief stare off until they started saying random words.

Taehyung said “Pretty.”

To which Seokjin replied with, “Good looking.”

“Beautiful.”

“Attractive.” Seokjin said smugly at a word he had learnt recently.

The conversation went from complimenting her, to a fight over who could use the most English synonyms to do with looking nice.

Running out of words, Taehyung chose to ignore Seokjin. “Pink?” Taehyung questioned as he pointed to Hope’s hair, to which she nodded in confirmation that her hair was pink. “So colourful, I want pink.” The boy said with a wide boxy smile and his eyes crinkled as he laughed.

“Yes, so pretty.” Seokjin countered. His smugness was short-lived as he was not happy that Hope was smiling, focused on Taehyung. “Hair so le-jin-dary!” He exclaimed and proceeded to laugh at his own joke.” Hope giggled, more at his obvious amusement at his own joke than the actual joke. Taehyung just rolled his eyes at his older friend. Normally he would laugh or shake his head in amusement, but today there was an air of competitiveness around the two boys.

“Do you like pictures? You are like a beautiful scenery.” Before Hope had time to blush at Taehyung’s brave compliments, Seokjin gave Taehyung a pointed look, as if to say, ‘back off’.

This time Seokjin pulled out all the stops. “Noneun, nomu areumdawo.” He said softly as he caressed her shoulder. It was quite an innocent gesture, but Hope felt her heart momentarily stop and then start up beating double time. Korean suddenly became the world’s sexiest language and Hope gave him a flirty smile as he gave her one back. Her daze was short lived when Taehyung started mumbling in Korean to Seokjin. Taehyung looked less than pleased whilst Seokjin just smirked at him. Hope’s very limited Korean failed to keep up with what was being said.  

The argument, about who she likes more and who saw her first, was heard by Zoya, Jungkook and Yoongi as they caught up with the other 3 who had momentarily stopped because the two boys were arguing as Hope witnessed it with a confused and lost expression on her face.

Zoya sighed and grabbed the girl’s hand to drag her away from the stupidity of the argument, whilst Yoongi and Jungkook dealt with the two boys. She muttered, “Unbelievable, I leave you for a minute and you end up having two guys fighting over you.”

Hope halted suddenly, “Wait what? They’re fighting over me?” She looked elated at this news. Zoya rolled her eyes.

“Yes, they’re fighting over you like you’re a toy.”

Hope giggled, “I don’t mind at all.”

With a sigh Zoya said, “Yes, I’m well aware of that fact Hope, but they’re not about to fight over my friend like she’s an object.” Hope rolled her eyes at her friend’s over protectiveness and the two girls continued to walk towards backstage, “They’ve got another thing coming if they think I’m not going to have something to say to them later.” Zoya muttered the last part.

Ahead of them was Namjoon, Hoseok, Arielle and Amanda. If anyone saw the scene before them, they’d use one word to describe it: Tragic. Arielle and Hoseok had started a conversation and they were getting along fine at first and Hoseok’s cheery energy was almost contagious. However, at some point the conversation had dwindled down to an awkward silence as they both ran out of topics to talk about. They both wished that the walk backstage was a lot shorter in that moment.

In Lauren and Namjoon’s case, they had no problem with talking. Lauren was on cloud 9 because she was talking to her bias, one on one, practically alone. Only one problem. Lauren’s subtle advances had no effect on Namjoon. Needless to remind everyone that her friends called Lauren ‘The OG Goods’ and Lauren decided to capitalise on that fact with her outfit today, yet he seemed rather unfazed. The girl was trying to guess whether he was just oblivious or was not interested. The latter option made her mentally frown. He was still being cute smiling at her, showing off his dimples, but he spoke to her about London animatedly as if she was native to the city. Did her Irish accent confuse him? But she let him assume what he wanted, because he was Kim Namjoon. Insert heart eyes, because if anyone else assumed she was not Irish, she would make them sit through a one-hour lecture on why she was Irish and how she was Irish. Zoya and her friends could testify to that.

Lastly, ahead of the rest of the group was Jimin and Alice. The conversation was awkward once small talk was out of the way, but they soon fell into the groove of Alice teaching Jimin fun phrases in English for him to say at the concert. “It’s really easy. Big. Man. Ting.”

__

By the time all of them had got backstage, it was a mixture of relief, tension and laughter. Zoya immediately joined Alice and dragged her to ‘help look’ for her missing object. “So…” Zoya started while wiggling her eyebrows.

“What?” Alice said with her eyebrows scrunched in confusion.

“You and Jimin, duh! Did you get it?!” She said excitedly, which earned her a smack on the arm.

“Oh my gosh, can you be quiet? No!” Alice rolled her eyes at her friend’s disappointed face. “You’re honestly ridiculous.”

“You should be thanking me mate. How did you think you and Jimin weren’t interrupted all the way here?” Zoya said as a matter of fact while raising one brow, but she did make sure to quieten her voice.

“Wh-you? You. Of course it was you.” Alice sighed.

“I’m going to take that as a tone of gratitude and not a tone of exasperation. You’re welcome.” Zoya replied in an overly cheery voice.

“I can’t deal with you right now.”

“Love you too.” Zoya laughed and patted Alice on the back, to which she grumbled something incoherent.

“Did you guys find anything?” Zoya asks, to which everyone shakes their head or responds with a ‘no’. With a sigh Zoya shrugs and says “Oh well. I guess I’ll have to live without it.”

“I’m sorry Zoya. I know you’ll miss your…” Yoongi came by and paused for Zoya to fill in the gap. Zoya knew exactly what he was doing, and she widened her eyes when she realised she forgot what she ‘lost’.

“My thing. Thanks, Yoongi, but I’ll be fine.” Zoya smiled sweetly at him, but her eyes gave him a different message. Something like ‘you better shut your mouth before I shut it for you’.

A/N Let me know what you guys think of part 3 and leave a like :)

-A

Masterlist

[camilahq]

this is the new year.

TAGGING: Jordan @fisherhq, Cami.

LOCATION: Miami, FL.

TIMEFRAME: December 31st, 2019 - January 1st, 2020

NOTES: Jordan and Cami start the new year with a bang.

Cami There had not been much success in finding Cami or Jordan anyone to hook up with the previous night, which was why Cami was already on her third drink at the club they had settled on spending New Years at. She had been pretty bummed the night before when the four of them had taken a Lyft back to her house after making small talk with a few guys and even a couple of girls, but she was trying to be hopeful about tonight. It was New Years, there had to be someone out there for her to hook up with. As the night wore on, she was getting more and more frustrated. She had just walked away from a boring conversation with a prospective guy when she spotted Jordan standing alone by the bar. Madelaine and Vanessa were off dancing somewhere and the actress needed a break from small talk with randoms so she made her way over to him. "Any luck?" she asked, finishing off her third drink and setting her cup on the bar counter. She was going to give herself a few minutes before she ordered another.

Jordan had lost track of the shots he had taken with random girls he had started talking to throughout the night, his second night of striking out since almost all of the girls were taken or just fans of his. It was a little frustrating, but he was determined to still have a good time despite things not turning out the way he had initially hoped. "None for me," he told her, wiping a hand over his face and take a long drink from his beer, "But it's only night two of mingling in my single life, so I'm not stressing just yet. Any luck for you?" A flash of red hair in the crowd showed him where Madelaine and Vanessa were, a laugh escaping as he watched the two of them completely lost in each other. "Told you that you'd end up ringing it in with me cause those two would be like that," he laughed and nudged her playfully, "Are you having a good time though?"

Cami shook her head, "Would I be talking to you if I had had any luck?" she teased. The actress followed her friends gaze to where Madelaine and Vanessa were, "and I told you that wouldn't be so bad," she replied with a laugh, nudging him back. "I'm having an okay time, most of the people I've talked to have been kind of boring tonight, but it's whatever," she answered with a shrug of her shoulders. Cami was about to ask the bartender for another drink when one of her favorite songs started playing through the speakers. "I love this song! Will you dance with me?" she asked, reaching for Jordan's hand as she started to pull him towards the dance floor before he could really give her an answer.

Jordan nodded his head with a shrug of shoulders. "Touche on that one," he laughed and ran one hand through his curls that were a little longer than usual due to not working except for rehearsals at the moment, "Most of mine were taken and just saw me in something so they wanted to meet me. We're doing great." Another laugh escaped his throat as he took the final drink from his beer, setting the bottle down on the bar just as Cami grabbed his hand to pull him to the dance floor. "You really like not giving me choices, huh?" he teased as they made their way in between all the other couples. It took Jordan only a few seconds before he was wrapped up in the music, dancing with a grin on his face as he looked at Cami front of him.

Cami "We're doing so great," Cami giggled, tucking a loose strand of hair behind her ears. "I like to get my way and I figured you wouldn't say no, you love dancing and music so it's a win-win," she said with a smile. Once they were fully out on the dance floor Cami found herself completely lost in the music and before she knew it she was moving her hips to the beat and singing along under her breath. She loved to dance and sing which was why she enjoyed the Riverdale musical episodes so much. This was the most fun she had had all night and as the song transitioned into another she continued to dance.

Jordan laughed with a shake of his head. "I definitely wouldn't say no, so it's really not a fair usage of proving if you can get your way with me or not," he teased her. The music moved through Jordan, in the same way it always did but the alcohol was definitely making him even crazier than he normally was. As the next song came on, Jordan found himself dancing closer to Cami without even really noticing it until someone bumped him from behind and he realized the gap between the two of them had gotten much smaller. Without thinking twice about it, Jordan grabbed her by the hips and continued to dance with her and not just next to her like he had been a few moments before. "This is way better than buying shots for girls who just wanted a photo," he grinned with a bite to his bottom lip.

Cami pouted, "Why can't you just let me have this?" she teased with a roll of her eyes. As they continued to dance Cami noticed that Jordan was closer than before and her heart seemed to be beating faster. She let out a quiet gasp when his hands grabbed at her hips, hoping the music was loud enough that he hadn't heard her. The actress didn't even hesitate before she brought her hands up to his shoulders and then laced her fingers together behind his neck. They were so close now their faces were almost touching, but the alcohol coursing through her veins was calming her nerves. "Well, duh," Cami teased, "And it's way better than those boring conversations I was having with randoms," she grinned back, feeling butterflies in her stomach as his bit his bottom lip. Her cheeks felt hot, but she could just blame that on the alcohol.

Jordan scrunched his nose up, his head shaking adamantly. "Because that would mean letting you win, and I'm not gonna let that happen," he teased her once more, sticking his tongue out at her this time. The response from Cami when he grabbed her hips was good, it showed he hadn't made a mistake by getting this close to her, something he knew he had all the shots to blame for giving him the guts to do something so bold without talking about it more. The song changed again, the beat just a little slower this time and Jordan guided them both into the new pace with the beat. His brown eyes looking at Cami, the grin on his face evident as he pulled her flush against him, no longer any space between them as they danced. "Way better," he repeated, breathing a little faster now from the dancing and their current situation.

Cami "But I like winning," she whined, scrunching up her nose in response and sticking her tongue out back at him. As the song changed and the lights changed to reflect the slower pace of the song, Cami looked up at Jordan and couldn't help but smile as his brown eyes looked into hers, pulling her closer so they were completely pressed against each other. Her head fit perfectly on his chest, under his chin - a perk of being only 5'2 - so that's where she rested it as they swayed back and forth. "Mhmmm," Cami answered, completely relaxed in this moment in his arms. She could feel his heart beating from where her head was resting and it brought a grin to her face as it just about matched how hers was beating.

Jordan continued to sway his body in time with the music, holding on to Cami and guiding her with him as he did so. "Do you want to go get a drink?" he asked when the song changed once again, "It's getting pretty hot out here." It was, but Jordan was also a little taken back by what was happening on the dance floor and needed a drink and moment to gather himself. Jordan lead the way back to the bar, being sure to get Cami the room she needed to walk through all the bodies surrounding them. Once they were back at the bar, he ordered two shots of tequila, a beer for himself, and Cami one of what she had been drinking. "Not a bad dance partner out there, Cam," he grinned and took a sip of his beer while the shots were being filled. He handed one glass to Camila and kept one for himself, holding it out in front of them with a nervous grin on his face. "To 2020?"

Cami pulled away from Jordan's chest as he spoke, nodding her head in response to his question. She kept ahold of his hand as he guided her through the crowd back towards the bar. She honestly couldn't believe what had just happened out on the dance floor, but hadn't minded any of it. "You're not so bad yourself," she grinned back, taking a sip of her own drink while they waited for the shots. Cami held onto the shot glass he had just handed her, holding it out and nodding her head. "To 2020," she said, before tipping her head back to take the shot. She made a face as the alcohol entered her system, setting the shot glass back down on the counter. The DJ made an announcement over the music that it was almost midnight and a countdown would be starting in half an hour. Cami couldn't believe the time had flown so quickly.

Jordan heard the announcement the DJ made and looked down at his phone, time really had flown by tonight and now they were in the last few minutes of his decade. "This decade flew by," he told Cami, a grin still on his face as he took a drink of his beer, "But it was incredibly good to me, so I'm kind of sad to see it go. How about you?" He ordered another round of shots for them, already at the point of no return with his alcohol intake and quickly shot back another one as the countdown grew closer. "Do you wanna go find Madelaine and Vanessa?" he asked once their drinks were empty, his vision was a little blurrier than before but he offered her his hand with a grin on his face.

Cami nodded her head, "It really did and it has been incredibly good to me, especially the last four years since I booked Riverdale right at the end of my senior year at NYU," she recalled, surprised she was speaking so coherently with the amount of alcohol she had consumed tonight. The dark-haired actress gladly accepted another shot from the boy with a smile before downing it. "Yes pleaaaase," she answered, reaching out to grab his hand as he guided them through the crowd to find her best friends.

Jordan shook his head in amazement just from remembering everything had happened to him this decade. "I can't even count all the things this decade gave me work wise, and it gave me my best friend. Best decade ever for me," he laughed as he weaved through the crowd looking for her cast mates. It took a few minutes but then he spotted Madelaine's red hair and lead the way over to them, giving the girls a few minutes to talk while he checked the time on his phone. "Three minutes, ladies," he told them just before the DJ made the same announcement. The music had been turned down now, giving everyone the final few warnings before the countdown started. Jordan was still holding Camila's hand, and gave it a small squeeze with the raise of an eyebrow, silently trying to gauge if she was interested in being his New Years kiss.

Cami "My career has been short-lived so far," Cami teased, listening as Jordan spoke. In crowds like these Camila was always thankful for Madelaine's red hair that was easy to spot from miles away. The actress squealed when she saw her friends. "I'm jealous you get to kiss each other to ring in the new year," she whispered, glancing over at Jordan as she said it, realizing he was her only option for the night and she had no problems with that. His voice pulled her out of her thoughts and she smiled as she felt him squeeze her hand. Cami turned to look at him and blushed as he raised an eyebrow at her. She bit her lip and nodded as if to let him know she was interested, in fact, she was /very/ interested.

Jordan grinned again, looking down at his phone when he saw the way Cami silently responded to him. The next couple of minutes passed by and before he knew it, the DJ was starting to countdown from 30. It was like the entire vibe in the club changed with hundreds of people all focused on the same thing for this couple of minute time span, the sound of everyone counting down reverberating through the whole place. "10, 9, 8," Jordan started, licking his lips as they continued through the last few numbers and he pulled Cami over to him, "3, 2, 1. Happy New Year!" A huge grin spread across his face as he leaned down to press a kiss to Camila's lips, the alcohol swirling through his body and mind making him continue the kiss for longer than was necessary.

Cami noticed that her friends had gone back to being in their own little world before the countdown had even started. She didn't blame them at all, she was so happy they had found each other and so glad they were here ringing in this new year with her. When the DJ started the countdown, Cami looked around to see people in the club starting to pair off. It was crazy to think about how many people would be kissing strangers in a matter of seconds just to say they had kissed someone on New Years'. A giggle escaped the actresses' lips as Jordan pulled her over to him. She placed her hands on his chest and smiled up at him, joining in on the countdown, "3, 2, 1... Happy New Year!" she exclaimed, throwing her hands up in the air and then bringing them to Jordan's cheeks as he started to kiss her, deepening the kiss by pulling him even closer to her body.

Jordan tuned everyone and everything else out in the club at the moment, which was easy to do when your senses were already so clouded by alcohol. It was the first time he had kissed someone other than Ellie in years, except for work related things, and he was surprised by how little it weirded him out. Jordan's arms wrapped further around her, pulling her flush against him once more like he had when they were dancing. Someone bumped into them then and Jordan had noticed the music had started back up, not having any clue how long they had just spent kissing in the middle of the dance floor. "Happy New Year," he repeated, a goofy smile on his face as he looked down at her, "Got a little carried away there, my bad."

Cami had tuned everything out, her mind only focused on this kiss with Jordan. She couldn't even remember the last time she had been kissed like this, except for work-related things, at this moment she couldn't even remember the last time she had kissed Charles, but that didn't matter now. She was about to slip her tongue into his mouth when someone bumped into them, breaking up the moment between them. "Happy New Year," she replied, almost breathless. She couldn't help the smile on her face that was growing as she looked up at his goofy grin. "You definitely don't have to apologize, that was... wow..." she whispered, trying to catch her breath.

Jordan just stood there for a moment, still a little dumbfounded by what just happened and how quickly everything had gone back to normal around them even when his focus was entirely on Cami. "Unexpected," he said with a laugh, finishing her sentence at describing what had just happened, "But pretty wow too." There were still so many people dancing around them, that Jordan lead them back towards the bar and off the dance floor, never once letting his hand move off the small of her back. "Do you want to get out of here?" Jordan asked by leaning into her so only she could hear him, "I think I've had enough drinks and dancing for the night." It was partially true, his vision was still blurry and he knew his walking wasn't entirely straight, but he was also interested in seeing if the kiss from before could continue on without hundreds of people surrounding them.

Cami laughed as Jordan finished her sentence for her. "You've left me speechless," she whispered as they walked back towards the bar. Jordan's hand was on the small of her back and she appreciated the gesture. Cami nodded her head as an answer to his question. "I've definitely had enough drinks," she giggled. "And my feet are a bit sore from all the dancing," she continued, reaching out to hold his hand as she lead them out of the club and outside to the streets of Miami. Mostly everyone was still indoors celebrating the start of the new year so it was pretty much just the two of them when they got outside. "I'll get us a Uber, where to?" she asked, squeezing his hand and looking up at the boy, eyes focused on his lips, wanting so badly to kiss him again.

Jordan stopped for a moment to pay their tab at the bar, making sure to go ahead and pay for Madelaine and Vanessa's as well since they were bailing on them, but he held onto Camila's hand until they were outside in the warm air. Which would have felt better if he wasn't so sweaty from the dancing and people inside. "My hotel? I've got a good mini bar selection," he shrugged, even though the mini bar was the very last thing on his mind. Just as Jordan was about to kiss her again, the Uber arrived and he wasn't about to start kissing her again with someone a foot away from them. Instead he held the door open for Cami, sliding in next to her and placing his hand on her thigh for the duration of their ride to the hotel, his fingers gently tracing random figures onto the skin of her inner thigh.

Cami smiled as he paid for their tab and for her friends, she felt bad for ditching them but knew they'd make it back to her house together and they'd be just fine. She'd text them from the car so they wouldn't worry. Cami nodded her head at his suggestion, but she had already typed the hotel name into her Uber app requesting a car once he had confirmed her suspicions. Cami pouted as Jordan pulled away from what she assumed was going to be another kiss as the car pulled up, but she didn't really mind because she didn't want to be kissing him in the car of a total stranger. She slid into the car and smiled at the driver, settling into the backseat as Jordan joined her, his hand finding her thigh instantly. The actress rested her head on the boy's shoulder and bit her lip as he began to trace random figures onto the skin of her inner thigh.

Jordan was annoyed that even after midnight on New Years Eve that Miami had this much traffic, causing the ride to his hotel to be excruciatingly long. Finally, he saw the building in the distance and his grip on Cami's leg tightened the closer they got. Once the car pulled to a stop, Jordan practically jumped out and was leading Cami to the elevators for a moment alone until someone else got on with them. Jordan offered a pleasant smile to the stranger until she got off at the fourth floor, and as soon as the doors shut Jordan was pushing Camila against the wall of the elevator and kissing her again. "Finally," he mumbled against her lips, knowing they had a few more seconds until they reached the 9th floor where his room was.

Cami could sense that Jordan was annoyed by the traffic and she was too. She could tell they were approaching when his grip tightened on her thigh. Cami giggled as the car pulled to a stop and Jordan practically jumped out. She thanked the driver and followed him into the hotel and to the elevators. When a stranger joined them in the elevator Cami bit her lip and remained calm, the stranger got off at the fourth floor and within seconds she was being pushed against the wall of the elevator and Jordan's lips had returned to her lips. "Mhm," she moaned against his lips as he mumbled against them. Her hands were laced behind his neck as he continued to kiss her and then her tongue was slipping into his mouth.

Jordan pressed his entire body against Cami, her back pressed hard against the wall of the elevator as their kiss deepened and the elevator came to a stop. "Jesus Christ," he groaned, as if he didn't know they'd have to stop again after a few moments. The doors opened and Jordan tried to walk as patiently as he could to his room, fumbling with the key thanks to the alcohol until the door finally swung open. "No more interruptions," he laughed, pulling Cami inside his room and immediately kissing her again. Jordan walked backwards until he felt his legs touch the bed, stopping there to take his shirt off before looking at Cami seriously for one moment. "Are you sure?" he asked, wanting to make sure before they went too far even though his body was practically aching for more of her now.

Cami let out another quiet moan as she felt Jordan's entire body press against her. A giggle escaped her lips at his frustration when the elevator dinged and they had to get out and find his room. "Let's hope not," Cami teased as he pulled her inside and connected their lips once more. She bit her lip as he began taking off his shirt. "Yes," she whispered with a nod of her head, turning around and moving her hair from her back to expose the zipper of her dress, giving him the chance to take it off of her.

Jordan didn't move until he had confirmation from Cami that she was sure, but once he had it everything changed. No longer were his actions held back in anyway, and all doubts left his own mind. His hands came up to unzip the dress, letting the fabric fall to the ground while his lips immediately found the crook of her neck. He trailed kisses down her skin until he turned around so she was facing him again, all while he was turning them both so that her back was to the bed so he could guide her onto it. Never letting his lips leave her body for longer than a second until he was kissing her lips again. It had been months for Jordan, and he was going to take his time to make it good for the both of them.

Cami arched her back as Jordan's lips found the crook of her neck. He seemed to be taking complete control of the situation which pleased her. The actress arched her back again as she was laid on the bed and Jordan's lips returned to her mouth. This night had taken a complete turn but she wasn't complaining. Cami could tell that Jordan seemed to be taking his time, but she was a bit impatient. The actress brought her hands up to the waistband of his jeans, making eye contact with him as their lips parted for just a second.

Jordan -----------------------------------------THIS IS A TIME JUMP--------------------------------------------------

Jordan was still out of breath and covered in sweat even though it had been a few minutes since they had finished. After making sure everything was cleaned up and opening the door so that Kairi could get into the bedroom part of his suite with them, Jordan collapsed into the bed with his chest still partially heaving while he caught his breath. "I guess that's one way to kick off the new decade, huh?" he asked with a laugh, hoping things weren't going to be awkward between them now. They had been friends for awhile, and the last thing he wanted was for hooking up to mess up their friendship. He ran a hand through his curls, which were more unruly than he could remember them being in a long time. "If you want a shirt or something to wear, there's some in the suitcase over there," he pointed as Kairi got on the bed and immediately started begging for attention from the both of them.

Cami was staring at the ceiling catching her breath while Jordan cleaned up and opened the door to let Kairi back into the bedroom. She turned on her side and propped herself up when he collapsed back onto the bed, "That's definitely one way to kick off the new decade," she responded with a laugh. "That was... amazing," she whispered with a smile. Things seemed okay now and Cami just hoped they stayed that way. This had been fun, but if it ruined their friendship in any way, she would be devastated. She nodded her head as he pointed to where his shirts were. Climbing out of the bed, Cami found her panties and put them back on before going into Jordan's suitcase to find a t-shirt. Once she had settled on one she wandered into the bathroom to splash water on her face before returning to the bed. Climbing back into the bed, she snuggled up to Jordan and reached out her hand to scratch Kairi's head.

Jordan worked on making sure the pillows and blankets were all fixed up while Cami was getting dressed and cleaning herself, though he was already having to fight Kairi for the blankets. "It definitely was amazing," he nodded with a grin, and meant it. He had been a little worried that his first time sleeping with someone other than Ellie would be weird or stir up feelings in him, but there was none of that. Jordan was content and comfortable, his arms wrapped around Cami as Kairi snuggled up between their legs, and he was definitely tired. Between the dancing, the alcohol, and the sex he was exhausted, a yawn escaping as he nuzzled his face down into the pillow. "Night, Cam," he whispered to her before he started to slowly drift off into sleep.