#might not be able to put the art work with the ask cuz I am not used to drawing toddlers or babies

[sweet-dining-car]

Now am I going too deep on these fan kids here?

Am I???

[nebulous-rain]

Hello! My name is Moriah and I am a junior in high school. I was wondering if I might be able to get your insight on a few questions I have?

I am in my final years of high school and am starting to think about college but I have no idea what I want to pursue. I know I love art, so for a long time I have been thinking about getting an art major or going to an art school.

I’m reaching out because I ABSOLUTELY LOVE YOUR ART and I think you are a very talented artist! I have been in love with your art for so long and I am curious and wondering how you are able to fit drawing into your life?

1.) If you are going to college for art, or went to college for art, what is it like? Do you think going to school for art or having an art major is worth it?

2.) how can I fit art into my everyday life? I’m sure you have work and other things to do in your life so how do you balance it out? (I just want to know how you can draw as much as you do!)

3.) do you do art as a hobby or a career? If it is a hobby how to you balance art, work/school, and home life? If it is a career or part-time career is it an alright source of income?

Thank you so much! And sorry if these questions might seem personal. I just want to know how other artist manage to draw and create their work and still have an adult life. Thanks again, and thank you for being a huge inspiration in my life to create the art I love! Your art means so much to me!❤️❤️ ❤️

i am going to CRY this is the sweetest message ever. i'm happy you found your niche and i'm even happier that i could help inspire that!!! i'm not sure if i'm gonna be able to answer all your questions, but i'll try to squeeze in some possibilities where i fall short:

1) growing up i definitely figured i was going to end up in art school because that's what everyone told me i should go into. but as i got older in high school i was kind of panicking cuz i really didn't want to turn my hobby into a job, and i figured out that i wanted to go into education!

but that's just me- my wife is actually going to college for graphic design sometime soon because she loves what she does. if it's something you really enjoy, and that you think you can monetize while still enjoying it, then it's definitely worth it! money is important but you need to put you and your happiness first.

2) to be honest, i haven't had the time or energy to do much art lately (if you look at my post dates you can see how spread out they've been the past year)- but this entirely depends on how you manage your time and your workload. i'm horrific at time management! so that's my problem. BUT, i think sneaking in drawing time in little ways helps a lot, as i tend to sketch small panels of a potential comic or animatic on notebooks and papers while i'm listening to lectures. i've even posted ms paint doodles i've drawn during class

i always have plans for what i'd like to draw once i have the time. it's kind of motivating, but also frustrating, and it's hard to efficiently empty my brain of ideas while still keeping up with everything else. this might be something you'll have to wiggle around once you get settled into a routine each semester!

3) i really wanted art to stay as a hobby for me. the idea of drawing and creating art every day for things i wasn't inspired to do made me really nervous, because what i really wanted was to make fanart and draw my little guys all day lol

if you take anything away from this, i think the most important thing is that if you want to keep art in your life, you will. if you desire having time to make art just for yourself, you'll find time to work that into your life, one way or another- but in order to do that you absolutely need to have a positive mindset about what you're going into, and if you can't find that positivity, maybe it isn't for you

thank you for asking!!! i'm not sure if this'll be any help, but i appreciate the questions <:')

[orchidyoonkook]

personal

Hi, need to scream. Tumblr seems to listen best. can and please feel free to ignore.

okay so essentially my job has removed all of the things I use and need in order to be able to do my job with my mental disorder. my mental DISABILTY. that i was honest with them and told them about at my freaking trial shift. that i told them i needed certain things in order to do well. nothing drastic. but things that helped me significantly with my performace.

SOOOOOOOOO i am now severely struggling at my job because they've taken those away cuz they were 'annoying' or 'in the way' or 'clutter'. like. im not even leaving shit every where. It's like, maybe at most 3 sticky notes? (for example) and they're written just for me, like just so i can have a list of things i can do and know to go back and look on when i need a task because ive finished the one i was doing. but then my boss reads them and critiques them as if they're for everyone. or says 'okay yeah but we do that every day so i dont see why you have to write it down. you should know to do it by now' LIKE BRO. I forget to put deodorant on some days because of said mental disability. it's something i do and have done every day since i was 12 or 13. thats 12 years. and i still forget some days just cuz my brain wasn't working properly.

AND now due to this they have put me, one of the staff currently with more seniority than 3 other staff, down to one shift a week, while every one else is full time or heavily part time.

In march i was full time and kicking ass, I was the fastest employee on my tasks, i was doing great, the customers loved me and now that all of my things that i need in order to function have been removed for everyone else's aesthetic preferences, I'm suffering, and most likely being silently fired.

like... what do i do with that. I can do my job, with my accomadations - that arent that many btw - i dont expect them to move mountains for me. But dude. I hate this feeling so much because i'm capable, theyve seen me be capable. i was for 1.5 years. like i want to be good at my job. I like and enjoy being good at my job. i've told them that. I want to do good but my ability to be good is being derailed, and i just get told to try harder, just work harder, impress your boss with how hard you work -> for minimum wage, i might add.

and everyone is like "just get a new job, just apply for more jobs you're not applying for enough, literally just apply for everything, even if youre not qualified" and i cant just do that, due to said disability. there are jobs i am unable to do. so i have to be a lil picky otherwise i'll be right back where i am now. and ive been looking for months and applying for months with no luck - no one ever responds. why list jobs if you dont respond?????

it's getting to the point where im debating opening up drawing commissions or writing commissions, or something that i can make to earn a little extra cash here and there while i get over this transition period. And that's a big deal for me because i don't do commissions. I do my art for myself or for when i want to share something i've made already, like the UTWT books. Hell, I did a tattoo design for a friend on here that i put easily 40 hours into, and i felt guilty that they wanted to pay me for it because i'd asked them for the idea. Like, i don't do commissions. so for me to be considering it is really telling for me.

anyways. this is a bajillion words long now, but i already feel better. and I'm posting it in the middle of the night in hopes that the void just consumes it and never lets it see the light of day.

If you read this, thanks and sorry for the bummer of a post. This isnt a pity party or a poor yoon thing. I'm not looking for comfort or any of that. this is a 'i don't have a therapist and my friends and partner and family are sick of hearing me bitch, when i havent been able to fix it in months despite trying my best too' thing. so yeah..

i hope the new year brings me something good.

[twilightmalachite]

Machina - Epilogue 2

Author: Kino Seitaro (with Akira)

Characters: Mika, Shu, Makoto, Sora

Translator: Mika Enstars

"I’ve been cheated~! It was a mistake to admire ya, Oshi-san!"

Season: Winter

Location: Machina Stage

Shu: The curtain for our stage is about to rise.

Mika: Mhm. In these moments before the performance… I’m always so tense, or rather, excited. My head is strangely clear, but my body’s achin’. ♪

Shu: That’s good tension. Keep it going for the performance.

Kagehira. The digital art you created wasn’t bad as it seemed.

For Machina, I asked you to take an active part in the stage design so as to not put your creative motivation to waste…

But I didn’t expect to end up bringing in something as old-fashioned as CRT TVs.

If these giant monitors are considered state-of-the-art technology, then this is reminiscent of scrap art. Was that contrast intentional?

Mika: Ehehe, are ya praisin’ me, Oshi-san?

I am real glad ya didn’t yell at me, though. I really like this stage turned out, y’know.

When I heard that we could use video in our production, it all jus’ clicked.

Waaay back, when I’d go to the garbage dump, at times there’d be lots of illegally dumped TVs and such like this.

It cost money to properly dispose of that sorta stuff, right? Some of them would be fully intact, to me it looked like a treasure trove.

I didn’t use ‘em ‘cuz I felt that my work in the Test World looked like worthless garbage to ya, Oshi-san.

Though a world like that might appear worthless to some people. But it was fun t’be able to relax and create a work of art while rememberin’ how I felt back then…♪

I found myself thinkin’ “Ahh, I really do admire Oshi-san” again.

Shu: Hmph. The moment I go soft on you, you get carried away… No matter the means, rubbish is still rubbish.

I allowed it this time because it happened to fit the theme, but I cannot allow you to pick things up from the dumpster.

Mika: Nnah, I-I thought we’ve been over this!

We decided in the end to not meddle with each other’s personal items! Are ya gonna insist that I’m wrong again?

Mika: I’ve been cheated~! It was a mistake to admire ya, Oshi-san!

Shu: Non! I didn’t mean it like that. What I meant for you is—

Makoto: (whispering) It’s about to begin, both of you!

Sora: (whispering) Get into position!

Shu: …Ahem. We’ll talk about this later. For now, let’s focus on the performance.

Mika: …Right. It’d be rude t’the audience if we were arguin’ on stage!

Shall we then, Oshi-san?

We’ve gotta deliver our songs to those waitin’ for our work, right?

Mika: There are those that like us, of course, but there’s also those who hold grudges and those who are skeptical of us.

Especially to those who flamed Oshi-san’s SNS and those who got caught up in the Test World fiasco, we probably don’t look good to ‘em.

Even so, if they try to listenin’ to our songs, even fer a little bit, we’ll do our best to reach their hearts with our song! ♪

“♪~♪~”

Shu: …Hehe.

You’ve improved once again, Kagehira. What a well-tuned singing voice.

You may be clumsy, but I recognize your passion for art.

The electronic world may be built of the binary variables zero and one, but only humans hold the variable of emotion. And the one who makes it shine the brightest right now is you. I hope you will continue to improve.

There is so much in this world—many different principles, ideologies, financial standings, races, and genders.

And there is no small number of those whom I find to be the most distasteful human beings. And alive.

However, art exists to provoke questions of its viewer, putting aside such notions.

Nothing in this world is convenient. It is frustrating, but it by no means is a dead end. In this labyrinth, we can still progress, even whilst asking ourselves the same questions.

Shu: Even if the created world comes to its end conveniently at the hand of a god upon a machine. Reality has us lose our way, sometimes we stray down the wrong path, but we continue on regardless.

Through this miserable reality… I hope we can walk together for a long time.

With you, an existence so different from mine.

“♪~ ♪~”

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[wishesunderthestars]

I think so many times we tend to forget that writers on Tumblr decide to SHARE their stories with us. I have always thought it's harmful to view them as products catered to our consumption because that's not what they are! You will never read a book and go complain to an author that it's bad because you didn't like a few parts, you'll either stop reading or push through to the end. At the end of the day this is what these are; stories that people have put their heart, soul and effort into.

I know that the recent chapters may not appeal to everyone but I am being completely honest, I do enjoy them just as much as the beginning. Not a lot happens in it literally but if you look into it so much changes during these chapters. Stories don't always have to be dramatic and keep us on the edge all the time; and stories like Eunoia especially express so much in the way that the characters develop and open up to each other. It might seem slower to others but literally so much changes in the way the characters view themselves and each other, how they come to terms with their pasts and trauma and how they learn to better understand others and even themselves. Character development doesn't always have to happen in a cathartic way because realistically and a lot of the times we too tend to heal and grow most in environments when things feel stable and you get the time to sort your feelings. These are IMPORTANT conversations and conversations that are worth having especially when they are afraid of burdening each other.

I also feel as a writer it's your freedom to be able to write whatever you want because if not then it defeats the point of you sharing your work with us, if it refuses you to be creative and experimental. I know a lot of people are here for eunoia but I (and I believe a lot of your other viewers ) love your other stories too. I especially loved the one where you wrote for Tae as a prince and we were the queen and we end up choosing him out of spite and frustration at the ball but then realize he's just soo adorable (I can't for the life of me remember the title of the fic but ik for a fact the moodboard was purple and we had a cool snake XD and I think you discontinued it- which is totally fine btw, but I had still enjoyed the first chapter a lot). Anyways the point is, that yes Eunoia is an amazing story and yes we eagerly wait for updates but that doesn't mean that we don't enjoy your other works and also we DEFENITLY don't wanna force you to rush Eunoia because it's just an injustice to the beautiful story you have crafted. It is such a phenomenal story and world that we will gladly wait for the end you write without any pressure or hurry because it is truly worth it; and I say we, because by reading the asks I am pretty sure a lot of others feel this way. It's just that people tend to express distaste and irritation more overtly than admiration. Ik that even if you get a lot of positive comments the negative ones still hurt, but if it's worth anything pls don't be sad cuz it'll make me sad :( Also I would've sent chocolates if I could; but here sending you chocolates in spirit <333333 Please take care of yourself, focus on your studies, drink lots of water and know that we love and believe in you and your abilities <33333

I think that there is an increase in consumer mentality, which I kind of get. A lot of people complain about art the way someone would complain about an Amazon product in the comment section. But the thing is that rating a book on good reads and complaining about it there is very different to sending a message directly to someone who wrote a story just for fun and is free to read.

And about Eunoia, I really couldn't describe it better. You put into words everything I didn't know how to say. Eunoia is a story focused on the characters, not on the action. I wish there was a more interesting way to move forwards that stays true to the story but there isn't, or if there is I don't know what it is.

The story you're talking about is Poison Heart and yeah it's been discontinued for now but I'm hoping to get back to it in the future. Thank you for sending this and thank you for the chocolates 💜💜💜

[mmx-code-crimpphire]

If you remember, one Christmas in 2018, I made this post about if there was a made up religion about X. Well, it’s evolved to BOTH X and Zero. And I have made one piece of art relating to it, and some of the Christmas specials mentioning it.

This goes in depth on how it started and blossomed.

I’ll put this under “read more” just in case it’s spoiler territory for anyone enjoying the AU.

Without further ado, let’s get on with it

NEW CHAPTER ON AO3

It all just started with ONE post and I’ll show that here {also "here" for the previous chapter on AO3}. I was decorating that year before thinking about the Christmas special. Specifically listening to “Little Drummer Boy” sung by the Harry Simeone Chorale. A version I am quite fond of listening to in my childhood.

I thought of that version being sung whilst I also thought some of the reploids and humans would have worshiped X in some form or another.

Then it hit me, how X could actually be worshiped based on the fact he saved the world multiple times, and Zero doing so by his side, despite his record of dying at least twice. Before, the idea was mentioned he would only die once but it was scrapped for the two deaths he had canon in the games. I’ll probably talk about those in another post as well, or maybe not. I’ll ask the people in the server directly if they want to see that or not.

As I was developing the Christmas special for 2018, it definitely escalated into both the boys being worshiped at some point. Heh… it’s also kinda funny cuz “worshiped” kinda is a pun off shipping lol-

I’ll shut up about that AHEM anyway-!!

After the special was posted, it kinda got more in-depth of how it would work, and Xiddall was created with the help of my best friend Ashard, and I thought of an animaloid design to fit them. Something similar to Xerneas from the Pokemon X and Y games, basically a deer god-like mechanaloid. I have yet to design them yet, but I hope I do in the near future so you’ll see what they look like, and hopefully make a post about them and how they're created in verse.

X and Zero’s worship then connected to the worship of Xiddall that made Xevdex the son of the god, and Zero the fallen angel from the deep dark space. It’s definitely Hell’s equivalent, but it’s not a downward spiral, it’s more a “the deeper you go in one direction, the darker and deeper it gets” kinda feel. I call it “the Dark Web Abyss”. It may be a placeholder title until it’s called something better that revolves around more of the theme for “Cyberspace”.

There’s also a thing that’s added into the lore of this cult that certain humans and reploids have created that’s made even X and Zero uncomfortable.

Them having the duo’s song as a hymn for their “church”, and every time they heard it being talked about or them singing their song, Xev feels sick to his stomach and Zero has to escort him to help keep them walking. Sometimes they'll run into those worshipers. There's a bit of a spectrum of them where some are very nice and respectable, others on the other end being crazy that they think they saw cryptids, or right smack in the middle where they're a mix of both. Trying to be respectable to an extent but then can't hold in how awesome and honorable it is to be in the presence of the famous X and Zero.

Poor things have to endure it every once in a while, and at least they're able to vent about it to their small close group of friends/found family.

I think they eventually convince the "church of the messiahs" that if Zero writes some hymns for them that they might stop using their song as one, and most agree and apologize profusely while others object to the idea. It probably becomes a whole debate amongst the worshipers, but eventually Zero would write those hymns and the song is sung way less in their services. Which does help Xev feel way more at ease.

Idk I just thought of a funny lil thing I could put in the AU and it kinda expanded from there lmao.

[avocadoguru]

Feedback time my beautiful masterminds ❤️❤️ i wanna start off by saying how perfect i thought this chapter was. No matter what you write or what direction you take the story or what choices you make with it, it always ends up perfect and beautiful because you guys are the ones writing it! And when someone is as good at writing as you are, it is quite literally impossible for it to not turn out good, no matter what some might «expect» or «wish» for (talking about the negative feedback i saw you talking about 🥺 im so sorry), it always turns out wonderful no matter what! I promise ❤️ Please dont let yourselves be discouraged by all that fuss that some people are saying (u deserve better my loves!).

Anyways, to the story 🫶🏻 The chapter started out so so so soft, with them sleeping next to eachother and him feeling the comfort of just her prescence and being able to relax in a totally new and unusal way for him! Such a beautiful detail by the way, the description of how his body felt more at ease than usual 🥺 and the first dirty scene, my gosh it was everything i could ever dream of !! Dirty AND beautiful !!

(So sorry that my feedback isnt in chronological order, my heads a mess haha) And the parts where Harry is so nervous and uneasy about taking her to Nialls place pretending its his, was so good because i felt like it gave us even more of an insight on his soft and more vulnerable moments, like the big, strong, powerful wolf suddenly feels anxious and restless about her thoughts on everything about «his» place and how he tries so hard to maintain this facade because in his mind, its a way to not lose her. So so beautiful and vulnerable and soft and cute and painful and just every emotion at once! All those emotions takes some extremely good writers to convey, which i am not at all surprised that you amazing writers are able to do in such a descriptive and well formulated way ❤️

And another soft moment for me, is when she made him dinner and he connected what he knew about what cooking «means» to humans, and how he thought that could mean that she was showing affection towards him in her human ways !! aw 🥺

And the second steamy scene….no words !!! I loved how much he was struggeling to keep his self control and how desperate he was as she sucked him off and just….my brain turned into the most positive form of absolute mush !!! 🌟 Him struggeling to, quite literally, not unleash the beast, leaves me so giggly but hot its hard to even describe !! 💗💗

And i also want to add that i thought the ending of this chapter was the PERFECT ending. Like, no complaints at ALL. I loved the way it leaves you wanting to just indulge yourself into the future chapter cuz of how much you want to see what happens next. Could not ask for a better ending !! It left me satisfied and excited for the next one <3 Just like stories and chapter should do! Right? 🙌 I feel bubbly just thinking about chapter 8 !!

I have so many more thoughts about every little detail in this, so many thoughts that i can’t even type them all, but just please please please know that i, and hopefully maaaany others too, notice all the little details you put in your work. When i read this story, i am so invested and captivated that i read every line as slow as possible, so that i can consume every last letter of art you write. I notice everything, and stop many times just to admire a single line or a single word or detail or idea og dialouge or storylines and characters and backstories and just everything. So just please know that your hardwork does not go unnoticed !! At least not by me ❤️

I am so sorry if this was obnoxiousely long and difficult or exhausting to read btw !! i just wanted to give some love and encouragement and appreciation to you beautiful people that i am so grateful for <3 have a beautiful day 💗

(@fkinavocado here) just wanna say that i first read mermaids instead of masterminds 😂i dunno which is more out there lol.

regarding the "negative feedback-" we never said it was negative. some people just choose to focus on the wrong things, and we can't understand why- some people insist on them having babies, pups etc- and it's odd to us, because we made it abundantly clear that it's physically impossible for them to procreate, being different species essentially. and we did so very early on- just to give everyone a heads up and have them decide if they wanna stick around or not. i get why this might be an important thing to some. and not to say that we are under any obligation to forewarn ppl about plot keys like this, but we thought it would be nice of us to do so, since we know it's a touchy subject for some. so yeah- it was disappointing to see people insist on this when we've made it clear that it won't be happening.

second, a lot of people put a lot of emphasis on "poor eddie"- which is fair, it was a cute/sad thing that he was moping for harry, but some only commented on that. which was a bit odd? like there were so many things happening in that 20k chapter and some literally just commented "poor eddie" at the end of it x_x lol

so, it was never that it was negative feedback. and we're not trying to tell people what to write us, either. we were just expressing our slight disappointment with what some ppl chose to leave as feedback (well, i was, on my own blog, but then it snowballed and oh well.)

anyway---- back to your lovely feedback ❤️❤️❤️❤️ i can't tell you how much it means to me and both of us to have you take the time and write all of this down. truly, it made our day when we saw it in our inbox, especially after we were feeling a bit disheartened after reading some of the others. and it's not to say we expect every bit of commentary to be this long and in depth- we appreciate that not everyone has a way with words etc. but just letting us know you enjoyed it is what we love to hear ❤️ we don't need the praise!!!!! we just wanna know you liked it 🥹

"please please please know that i, and hopefully maaaany others too, notice all the little details you put in your work. When i read this story, i am so invested and captivated that i read every line as slow as possible, so that i can consume every last letter of art you write. I notice everything, and stop many times just to admire a single line or a single word or detail or idea og dialouge or storylines and characters and backstories and just everything. So just please know that your hardwork does not go unnoticed !! At least not by me ❤️"- THIS BIT LITERALLY MELTED ME 😭😭😭😭❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️ literally, i could never express how much that means to me! thank you from the bottom of my heart lovely, and have an amazing day too 💋💋💋

[izzy-b-hands]

34 & 44!

Connie!!! Thank you!! 💖💖💖💛💛!

34. is there a song you know every word to by heart?

This is where the Autism kicks in akdnfkgng, even if I dislike a song (like actively hate lmaooo) if I hear it enough it will be stuck in there, fully remembered, forever. I can't remember my cousin's bdays without it being marked already on a calendar, but if someone asked me to sing any song I hate for karaoke? (Let's go with Blurred Lines because I watch an old Big Fat Quiz ep and guess what they played more than once 🙃): I could do it. It might not sound good, but by god every word would be there.

On the plus side, songs I love also stick in there easily, which means there's also a selection of MCR, anything that's ever been on a Saints Row soundtrack, the entire OFMD soundtrack (literally have not relistened to The Chain because it's been in my head on repeat since I watched it 😂)

Fuck the Autism also kicked in on this answer (and the next im so sorry ilu) what a book, forgive me for these lmaooo

44. you get a free pass to kill anyone, who is it?

Okay so I'm v stoned and got waaay too deep into this question ngl like. considering who and the concept of revenge and vigilante justice and would seeking the other person's death really create an overwhelming sense of fulfillment and peace, or simply mutate the current grief into something twisted and painful that haunts one until their death? Then thinking if I undertook manipulation to ensure the death of someone else but had to spend time in their company as a result am I then no better than them for having taken their hospitality which comes from their horrific actions?

Then I realized the best answer is probably Thomas Hardy or (and hoo boy am I a little scared to note this one hence writing it to evade tags) J./K./R./

The first because I hate having to read his sad sack books and like. I think it would be a mercy to kill him and put him out of his fucking misery. "Because we are to meny" fuck u Tommy Boy that shit destroyed me

And the second because her work was a huge part of my childhood. I loved that shit; I still have merch from my middle school days even that is in storage to be burned later. At one point I had planned a tattoo of a fave line even (I'm glad I waited, but had I gotten it I think now I would just be figuring out a good cover up design. That's just me personally tho cuz like. who tf gets a fun fandom tattoo and then expects This Shit from the author, ya know? I didn't as a kid, planning for that tattoo while I reread the books.)

As a result of who she's revealed herself to be and what she believes, I've cut that part of myself out like a cancer (tearing up the old books and using them for art projects, the merch burning is probably going to be done this or next summer or whenever we aren't in a damn drought with bonfire bans) but bits of it linger, ya know? Like I'll think of a song from middle school and then be blasted with the memory of how I played it on repeat while reading the latest in the series, and then remember Why i haven't been able to listen to the song in years

I wish i could literally erase all of it from my memory, never see the books or merch or the movies (on streaming sites too) ever again. But since I can't, though I keep on trying, I would settle for doing to her what she thinks should happen to people like me

However she also seems like a scrapper and she's taller than me so tbh I dunno if I would be successful or if it would be a mutual fight to the death, but I would be fine with that too. Not a win-win, but not every situation is in life lol

[hospitalterrorizer]

diary318

8/2-3/24

friday - saturday

listening to jpop right now.

it is meg's album "step" and it's cute. pretty often though sometimes songs on jpop records feel like nothing, until the big ones come. obv there's groups where this is not an issue, other times it's more pronounced, but sometimes the albums w/ peaks and valleys in that way have really special songs lodged in them, or they feel that way by their nature i guess.

i really like the synths on this album... really good to hear stuff like this right now, maybe i should let myself make some more "regular" sounding synths or something... we'll see.

the art in the album is super cute, her outfits are awesome:

i really love all of these looks... i need some colored tights i think.

and wow, look at this album art for one of her later albums:

i really love this... i do wanna do more weird pattern-y eye-hurty stuff. reminds me a lot of black dice.

it's fun seeing stuff on here circulate w/ tags like "eye strain", all the pleasure of glistening / shimmering / oscillating noise and its spread, i've always liked that kind of intensity where it's kind of asking something of you, as you stare at it, but it's also kind of apathetic to you, it simply is that odd and excessive, at least that's how it feels when i come to it, maybe part of why i like it is something to do with nature documentaries and all the closeup shots of things too detailed and strange, magnifications, patterns made evident, maybe it does make sense, i used to spend so much time looking at bugs which were trying to pattern themselves so animals wouldn't eat them or would ignore them, being able to see them in the noise, or make the noise out of them, and then other animals as well, reptile scales, and then my stepsisters and all the garish stuff they adorned their rooms with. an interesting lineage there in things which are difficult to look at, or people say are difficult to look at but for me they're really nice.

oh videogames too, and crts too probably, sticking my face too close, the white noise, that kinda thing... maybe an early introduction to the impressionists also? the smeary/blurriness, excess of color and stippling, my mom was eager to show me matisse, and then art class when i was in elementary school was similar. gaudiness as a kind of violent eruption, beyond kitsch really, these very odd things, over-vibrant, i didn't know it at the time but it was imparted with a kind of sexuality, i didn't really know what i was seeing for instance in how frida khalo painted but i absorbed it. very odd times. not that the point is that it's special that i like/know this or whatever it's just interesting to get any kinda vision on the lineage there of what makes me able to like this sort of stuff... the beatles even, their album art, when i was a kid that stuff meant a lot to me, their movies too.

anyway, i saw something funny today, someone added my current screenname to rym, hospitalterrorizer, as an artist. it is an artist name too... honestly though it feels less like a project and just a thing i like calling myself. anyway it's just funny, it's someone who i don't know at all i'm pretty sure, i wonder how they found it, and why they decided to put it in there. i suppose it's for the best that it is there cuz it might draw more people to the thing, but we'll see, to be honest i sorta doubt it... but that's just meeee...

now i am listening to john cale's paris 1919, i need to finish this tomorrow, cuz i am sleepy and i need to sleep now basically. my sleep is so fucked up #lol. and i need to get back to reading soon. i just spent all of today working on songs, one of them i need to go in and lower the master send reverb, and the other's got a lot of fun progress made, imo, i got some new plugins which makes things a bit easier on me i think... a lot of really fun distortion sounds in there, excited about having all of that to mess with, to see where it goessss,

so, with that: a song:

one of the best ever, i think, i really love this one,

and now:

byebye!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[mminttae]

Clandestine | 02

-> Pairing : Jeon Jungkook x reader

-> Genre : tattoo!artist Jungkook, mafia! JJK,mafia au, bloody!missions, slight violence, got secrets they can't tell, angst, romance, Jungkook's part time job is flirting, sad (backstory), Y/N is strong!

-> Summary : who would have known that just doing a part time job at a night club would lead you to the tattoo artist Jeon Jungkook's messed up world. One letter related to the secret comes out of your mouth you'll be laying in Jungkook's arms but alive or not, that's not guaranteed...

-> Word Count : 4.286 K ( A/N: I’m increasing words )

-> T/W body language, killing, curse words and intimacy are included in the story (you may read if you're comfortable with these)

Part : 2

<< previous chap

.・゜-: ✧ :-playlist -: ✧ :-゜・．

Jungkook's mouth opened and closed like a goldfish. Even if me saying that line didn't flatten him enough I knew the nickname did as it always have been doing. It was clearly visible that he didn't expect me to be this bold suddenly. But he being himself smirked after a couple of seconds as his hand snaked up to grab my wrist pulling me more closer "Sure princess.. Do you want to go to the trip now? " His tongue rolling over his bottom lip as his piercing doe eyes holding so many thoughts looked at my lips then to my eyes.

"I don't want to interrupt but the trip has to be postponed "Jimin interferes in the moment, his eyes narrowed and only looking at me as if scared that the younger guy would throw him out if he locked eyes with his. Making a 'tch' sound Jungkook raises his eyebrows at Jimin in a manner that reads he's asking why postpone. I yeet his hand which was holding my wrist and get off from the table clearing my throat while fixing the skirt and apron. Jungkook clearly disappointed for not being able to hear my answer gets up from the seat while putting the black leather jacket around his shoulders. Jimin and Taehyung following him gets up too grabbing their bags. Jungkook walked up to me while fixing his bangs with his index finger.

"Gotta go princess a client's waiting" Nodding I proceeded to walk away but I could hear Jungkook saying with a sad dramatic tone. "Atleast act that you don't want me to go". I'm afraid I won't be able to because I myself don't know what this client of yours gonna do if you don't go on time. Is the person waiting even a client or not? Knitting my eyebrows I look back only to meet with strangers taking up the seat. The three tall mesmerizing men with inks on their body not to be seen anywhere. I don't know what's going on in that foolish yet extremely clever brain of yours but...

Be careful Mr. Artbook..

End of YOUR POV

Mid summer yet the night breeze is able to run shivers down your spine. Not a single soul in sight.

10 at night maybe the shopkeepers closed down the shutters and went to bed. Not many shops here in this area to even begin with. The only workshop's bell which rings here is the Jeon's Tattoo corner which has been ringing from the morning today , seemed to have stopped in the evening but now making its sound again. "Argh I should really break down this bell "

With an annoyed expression the black haired guy opens the drawers searching for a fresh towel. The tall man who just entered the shop walked past the desk table, turning the door knob and allowing himself inside the cozy room. His loud footsteps on the wooden floor telling Jungkook that the guest has arrived.

"Where were you? I waited here for five minutes then went inside the nearby plant store to kill time"

Taking off the long coat the tall silver haired guy walks up to the chair positioned in the middle of the room beside the various tools. "Sorry hyung, Taehyung and Jimin wanted a new tattoo so went to hear out their designs"

Jungkook says, eyebrows knitted while he fishes out the stencil of the beautiful clematis he has drawn beforehand of the leader's arrival. Smiling to himself he walks up to the seated boss whose like a big brother to him, he puts the stencil aside. Taking out a black rubber band from his pocket he takes his hair and ties it up to a small ponytail before taking out a drawer full of tattoo needles and inks. "Heard that Yoongi started boxing classes with you"

The older male speaks as his lip corners slowly moves upwards. Jungkook giving out a laugh says, "Yea Yoongi hyung be moving like a turtle. "

The thought of his hyung boxing and whining that it's hard is enough to make the little one giggle. Taking out a small wooden stool with one hand as the other one was holding the tattoo gun, Jungkook sits himself beside the strong looking man who rolls up his shirt's sleeves revealing all the different type of arts and words of different languages tattooed on his arm.

"Need chewing gum?"

The younger one asks at the thought that it might hurt but the older one replies plainly that he's fine after all his skin had been coming in contact with this gun for a long time now. Jungkook nods before resting the needle on the free space on the top of the man's biceps before starting to draw on it, the awestrucking clematis. "Was thinking of getting a lip piercing but not being able to get it cuz of the adults in the house"

The man says while his dimples makes visits to his cheeks.

"The exact same reason why am postponing on getting an eyebrow piercing"

Jungkook replies as he carefully moves the tattoo gun sideways on the man's bicep.

"So when are you planning on telling your sister?"

He asks as the silver haired guy closes his eyes once realizing what Jungkook meant.

"When the time's right.. "

He replies, slowly opening his eyes his gaze meeting the ceiling.

"But first we need to pinpoint Mr. Choi's location"

Replying with a small and quiet yes Jungkook draws the details on the flower carefully.

"Seokjin has been checking the cctvs regularly and the only thing he found was the black hyundai stopping at a night club at exactly 7pm every Tuesday and Wednesday"

"What's the night club's name? "

Jungkook asks as he draws on the small leaves.

"Hell's night club"

With just the mention of the night club's name Jungkook's hand stops moving as his eyes widened. "Isn't that the club you often visit with the others? "

The silver haired man asks making Jungkook quietly nod his head. If the most feared mafia in the country slash his team's biggest rival had been going to the exact same club at the exact same time as his how come he never saw the familiar old man's face? He thought.

What kind of person does the man disguise him as that even Jimin who encountered him multiple times doesn't notice. "You should be careful and try to see your clients faces carefully and see if they match that old fart's face or not"

Jungkook humming a response continued on giving the clematis it's final touch. Finishing the tattoo he removes the gun making the silver haired man sit up straight and fix his shirt.

"You know what to do right?"

Jungkook asks referring to putting on Vaseline ointment on the tattoo and stuffs. The older guy nods while fetching his coat. "I'll get going then. Thanks for the tattoo kook"

Jungkook simply nods his mind stuck in a different topic. Putting the equipments away and tidying up the towels as the older guy leaves the shop and disappears into the darkness of the night in the empty alleyway, Jungkook couldn't help but think about what you were up to. His mind stitching up different negative thoughts together.

"If Mr. Choi is really going to that club then he must have seen Y/N always talking to us..... What if he does something to her? " Jungkook asks to himself and the next thing he does is take his bag, turn off the lights, lock the doors and run off to meet you.

• -

"I'll be off then"

Bowing politely you take hold of the two big disposable bags and huff out a breathe when you realize how heavy both of them were. Kicking the back staff door with your leg open the first thing you see is Jeon Jungkook leaning on the wall infront. His hair tied up in a small ponytail, a bag hung around his shoulder and inked hands resting inside his jeans pockets. His eyes falls on your hands holding the disposable garbage bags, sighing he walks up to you.

"I thought your job was to serve and take orders not bring out garbages" You looked down at the bags in your hands while saying, "I was coming out anyways it's no biggie"

You flashed him a small smile but his eyes looked worried and his face tensed. You wondered what happened but didn't dare to ask thinking that he will only answer with 'none of your business' . Yes Jeon Jungkook unknowingly says harsh things without thinking when he's tensed. Jungkook takes the garbage bags from your hands and put it beside the door when his eyes lands on your right hand which was bandaged. His eyes widen and he quickly took your right hand examining it while asking

"How did this happen? Are you okay? "

Embarrassed you put your hand away from his warm ones and answer while smiling, not making eye contact

"It's okay I'm fine these kind of injuries are meant to happen if you work in a bar." Jungkook not convinced took your hand again now keeping it infront of him not letting you pull it back. His eyebrows knitted . "You were totally fine this evening tell me what happened". Chewing on your bottom lip you look down, fiddling with the hem of your shirt.

"Y/N tell me what happened.." Jungkook says once again this time his voice laced with concern as his hands caressed your hair. You were actually a bit taken aback at how the always dominant voice of Jungkook is making its way to you in a concerned and soft way.

"A drunk guy harshly pulled my hand wanting me to sit beside him but I fought back and he suddenly let go of me making me loose my balance at hit the edge of the glass table behind and that's how I got this"

You say while looking at your bandaged hand which was now resting in jungkook's warm palm. He softly held your injured hand and lower down a bit to meet your height. Looking at your eyes he said

"Tell me who did this. Tell me who did this to you I'm gonna fucking kill him"

In a calm soft voice but the last part obviously didn't come out in a soft way. You laughed and pushed him a bit away from you. "It's okay am fine don't overreact he was drunk" But Jungkook not buying the answer walked closer to you and again with a serious tone asked you . "Tell me how he looked like"

Knowing that he won't let go of the topic unless you give him a proper answer you sigh, rolling your eyes while describing the drunk man you happened to meet inside the club. "He had small eyes , a sharp nose and dark stubble on his face and.." You trailed off thinking what else did the man have but Jungkook interrupted asking in a quick manner

"Did he have any sort of tattoo on his wrist? " Replaying the moment inside your head you widen your eyes a bit and nod your head, "Yea he did.. Was that a crown? A crown maybe"

Exactly knowing who that drunk man you encountered was Jungkook's chest sank at the thought that the old man touched you with his dirty hands. Gulping down the saliva that formed in his mouth he without thinking pulled you to his chest engulfing you in a hug. He wasn't sure why he felt like protecting you but he wanted to . He wasn't supposed to feel this way now that he set his mind on the plan his brain made up on the way here but..he did. He wanted to make sure you were safe.

Widening your eyes at how Jungkook suddenly hugged you, your mind went blank. There's no doubt in how fast your heart was beating. To be honest to yourself you were actually frightened when that man tried touching you in an ill manner but now being in Jungkook's arms you felt safe. You felt safe when he was around. Jungkook's arms around you got tighter as he nuzzled his face in the crook of your neck.

So this is how you gonna play it Mr. Choi

He thinks.

•-

Flashback 5 weeks back

Stretching your arms you give out a small yawn before grabbing the books from the table and making your way out of the auditorium. Walking while looking at your  surroundings you didn't notice the tall man standing infront of you. Too immersed in the same old paintings hanging on the walls you hit something hard making the copies and books in your hands fall down. Without looking up at the person you bumped into you quickly said 'sorry' while kneeling down to pick up your supplies. The tall gentleman kneeled down too helping you with picking up your stationerys. You got up, the man following you soon. This time facing the guy properly as both of you made eye contact you were about to say thank you when your voice abruptly decided to not come out.

The man had soft long black hair .The kind of hair you would want to play with all day. His baby doe eyes staring at you, his lips parted. The oversized hoodie he was wearing made him the grizzly huggable bear image more.

As your eyes scanned him from head to toe, your lips a bit parted, the guy not being able to control his laughter at how cute you looked when your eyes went big as if you saw something really interesting and you'd like to study that thing more, he gave out small giggles making you quickly close your mouth and look at him. Noticing how every students in tha hall were staring at both of you, you shifted your weight from one leg to another leg uncomfortably. But the guy's Adorable bunny smile didn't go out of your notice. His eyes wrinkled as he tilted his face and asked you softly

"You okay? "

Blinking couple of times you nodded your head making him shyly scratch his nape and mumble 'thank god'. Your lips automatically curved up when your eyes landed on the ID card hung around his neck

"Jeon Jungkook"

Once realization hit you that you were now standing infront of your college's hearthrob while looking like a whole mess which you didn't care about that much until you bumped into him, your cheeks got tinted in a light blush. Pulling your lips in you tilted your head a bit to the side making your baby hairs fall over your face.

"Hey kook!"

A loud deep voice entered the ears of the people standing in the hall making them turn their heads to the two seniors waving their hands at Jungkook's direction, a big wide smile plastered know their face. Jungkook takes out his bracelet covered wrist from his pocket and waves at them. Jimin running towards us and wrapping his arm around the tall guy's shoulders he notices me and flashes me a smile

"Hey Y/N"

Waving your sweater paw at him as a hey you smiled. You met Jimin and Taehyung a couple of times before in some group works with seniors. You not really interested in gossips of the college noticed just a few days ago that Park Jimin, Kim Taehyung and Jeon Jungkook are the well known hot trio of this college.

"Y/N.."

Jungkook repeats your name to himself before looking at you once again , smiling while saying

"Sweet name"

His sweet honey voice saying your name was enough to melt you. If it was any other guy right now you would have simply said thank you for helping you pick up the books and walk away without saying anything but surprisingly Jeon Jungkook made you stop. "I'm hungry didn't have breakfast this morning" Taehyung whines while holding his tummy earning a slap on his head from Jimin. "we are going for lunch wanna join us? "

Jungkook asks you making you widen your eyes at the sudden invitation and Jungkook earning some smirks from the seniors beside him, Jimin elbowing his arm while wiggling his eyebrows. Jungkook simply rolled his eyes at his hyungs before looking at you for a reply. You glancing at your silver wrist watch said "I would love to but I should get going. I have some stuffs to do"

Jungkook quietly nods his head before flashing you a smile.

Is he always smiling?

You thought noticing that he had been smiling since the moment both of you met. "Y/N's always studying hard"

Taehyung says earning a nod from Jimin making you shyly scratch your nape.

The Brunnete haired approached you giving you a pat on your shoulder before saying "Study well but don't forget to have lunch okay? "

You flashed him a smile while nodding. Jungkook waving his hands at you as a 'bye' walked past you with the two boys. You looked back at three of them noticing that two of them were wearing hoodies and one of them were wearing full sleeved tees.

It's so hot these days why are they wearing hoodies on top of tees?

Shaking your head you quickened your pace and quickly got out of the college grounds. Walking to the bus stand while looking around at the cozy coffee shops on the streets you keep glancing at your watch from time to time to make sure that you're going on time or not.

Now here's a secret about you that no one knows

You're a student at an art college but you are also a student at a law school. Your father runs the family business of electronics. Yes the electronics company ranking the second best in the country out of all the other electronic companies, which he wants to hand over to your big brother after he retires. Your mother always wanted a child of her to be a sculptor. Borning late in the family with the talent of art you were forced to study this subject whereas you were interested in prosecution, catching criminals and stuffs. What you were most interested in were being a mafia or an assassin but you gave up on those dreams and decided to study law. Your parents only giving their all attention and care to their first born, didn't care about you that much. The only thing they wanted from you was becoming a great sculptor and bringing praise to your family.

After nights of confusion and judgement you decided to study in the law school that you got admitted, secretly with the money your grandparents left you. Your grandparents left some money for you and your brother before passing away and thankfully they were enough to pay for your study books expenses. But maintaining time for your law school as well as the art school was hard but you managed to make time after dropping off from some extra courses of the art college without telling your parents. But it was hectic. Your college hours starts from 7 am. And you have classes till 9am then a break at 9:15 am to 10:30 due to dropping off from some extra class. Your law classes starts from 9:30 so during the break you quickly leave the grounds and head off to the law classes. Then you return to the art college at 10:20 when it's a break at your law school. Then once again when it's a lunch break at the art school you head off to the law school while munching on some snacks, obviously not getting time to have proper lunch. And when it comes to events you had to make up excuses at the law school for not attending as your parents would obviously not skip their daughter's presentations.

It would be more hectic from today cuz you just applied to a job at a night club. There's a course for learning shooting at the law school but you don't have enough money to pay for that so it's time to earn some money.

•••

Stretching your arms while getting up from the seat you had been sitting on straight for 2 hours, you give a yawn before taking out a scrunchie and putting your hair up. All the classes for the day are done. Putting the back pack around your shoulder you bow at the teacher before leaving the school premises. Walking inside the bus and sitting on one of the seat you take out your phone and start typing to your mother , 'Mom I'll be late tonight as I got some extra lessons. Don't worry for me and you don't have to send car I'll come by bus'

"No one's gonna worry about me though"

You say to yourself while letting out a small laugh and looking out at the window. Everything vanishing from your sight at a fast pace as the vehicle picks up its speed upon seeing the empty road. Some of the street lights flickering due to not being fixed for several days now. You take out the 'guideline' paper of the bar you're gonna work in from backpack, going through the structure of the building in your mind and remembering all the rules explained to you yesterday when you went to apply for the job. This night club only seemed to be safe for you to work in now. By safe means you would have no worries of the common students who spends time in bars and clubs to see you. If anyone recognizes you then it's game over. Plus the pay is high too.

The phone screen lighting up as a notification popped up you unlocked the phone before seeing from whom the text is from.

Bro: heard you're coming late at night should I pick you up from the way while coming home?

"Geez already told him?"

You say to yourself once realizing that your mom told your brother to pick up but your brother being nice asked if you want to be picked up first or not. Smiling at his text before typing your reply It's ok you don't have to come. The office is far away from my college anyways. Get home safely.

Waiting for a few minutes to see his reply which you didn't get you turned off your phone and put it inside your bag. Looking out from the window thinking why he didn't reply when he saw your text whereas usually he would try to come pick you up, being the 'protective' brother. You got down from the bus as soon as the bus came to its stop. You walked for a few more minutes from the bus stop till arriving at your destination.

Hell's night club

•••

It's been only five minutes of you serving drinks but you're already tired. How can a human body and mind work for 13 hours straight without any rest. You did mess up some tables a couple of times for which you were now getting a scolding from the manager. You looking down bowing slightly while your hands in front of you.

"Miss Lee Y/N did you properly see the table numbers today? "

The old man asks to which you nod. "Then why are you messing up? " He asks in a raised voice making you flinch and quickly mumble a sorry. You lift your head up a bit to see the old man sighing while pinching his forehead, clearly visible that he's angry. "I'm letting you go as this is your first time don't make mistakes anymore"

He says making you bow and say

"Thank you"

He looked around trying to see if any waitresses are free. Sighing at how there's no one free without counting you he gave you a look before handing you a tray of various kinds of drinks. "Take this to table no. 14. And  do not  make any mistakes. They are regulars here I don't want them gone" Nodding at him you set off to find this table no. 14 . Noticing how your skirt got up a bit you tried pulling the skirt a bit down with one hand as the other one was holding the tray, you quickly withdraw your hand without fixing the skirt upon seeing the tray tremble in one hand. Quickly holding the tray in place and scanning if any drinks were spilled, you sigh in relief. You looked back to only lock eyes with the manager . He staring straight at you with his cold eyes. You gave a small awkward smile and walked towards table 14.

The table no. 14 seemed to be surrounded by many big men. All had some sort of tattoos on them. A familiar man sitting in the middle holding a pen and scribbling something on a notebook. His inked arms full on display as the silver earrings were still being able to shine despite the dullness in the scene. His long bangs falling before his eyes not letting anyone see the face beneath it.

You quietly approached the table and when you raised your eyes from the ground to the man sitting in the middle, your legs automatic came to a halt and your breath hitched.

Jeon Jungkook right there was sitting. The table in front occupied with various weapons and him sitting like a whole five course meal, fingers playing with the dangly earrings

This is totally not what I expected

[pedro-pascal-love]

The Past

Chapter Four of Well, This is Awkward

Series Masterlist ❖ Main Masterlist ❖ Join My Taglist 

Rating: 18+, NSFW

Word Count: 2k+

Summary: Some things come to light about Reader’s past and Dave is a tease.

Warnings: Language, angst, slow burn, graphic descriptions of sexual acts but no sex (yet!)

⟸ Previous Chapter ❖ Next Chapter ⟹

A week. That’s how long you’d had been avoiding Dave at all costs. You made damn sure not to be caught alone with him whenever possible, always having one of the girls there or being out of the house running errands while the girls were at school. As far as you could tell, Dave was avoiding you too. Which you’d admit hurt your pride a little bit, but hey, he was married, so you had no right to be upset.

You’d tried to get your mind off him as much as you could by working on things around the house or helping the girls out with homework, but you could only do that so much before boredom overtook you. Whenever you weren’t busy with the girls or doing errands, you often hung out in your room on your phone or laptop, just scrolling through social media. You’d done your nails several times this week already and had perfected the art of folding your towels five different ways and rearranging your bedroom. Yeah, you weren’t going a little stir crazy at all. Carol was due back from her trip in a week, and you’d hoped to avoid Dave the rest of the time until then, but fate had other ideas.

It started like any other day; you’d gone to drop off the girls at school and then hidden away in your room. Two hours passed before you heard a peep from around the house, and it came in the form of a knock on your door. Your heart stopped; your breath hitched.

“Yes?” You called out, nerves consuming you in anticipation.

“It’s Dave, mind if I come in?” Dave replied through the door. You looked down at your clothes, contemplating if you should change or not. All that preserved your modesty was a pair of yoga pants and a tight-fitting tank top.

Fuck, you thought. You straightened yourself up and took a deep breath, putting a pillow on your lap under your laptop and took in a deep breath.

“Come in,” you stated, bracing yourself for his entry. Dave quickly opened the door, and it took everything in you to remain conscious. How would a man look so good in merely a dress shirt and trousers?! Dave made his way to you and sat on the foot of the bed while you scooted back a little bit more on the bed and propped yourself up against the headboard.

“What can I do for you today, Dave?” You inquired.

“I think you and I need to have a little chat,” Dave replied. You bit your lip.

Fuck, I do not like where this is going.

“What about? Is something wrong?” You replied nonchalantly.

“Yes. You’ve been avoiding me this last week, and I’d like to know why,” Dave stated, cutting right to the chase.

Fuck.

“Oh….Um….Well, you see….” You stammered out, not sure how to answer that without sounding like a complete idiot.

“I mean, I have a few guesses, but I wanted to hear it from you.” You sighed, hearing his words.

Here goes nothing.

“Yeah…..I have sort of been avoiding you, and I’m so sorry if it came off as rude,” you began. “It’s just; I’m not sure how to handle this situation.”

“What? The fact that you and I have fucked, and now you’re my children’s nanny?” Dave blatantly asked. You bit the inside of your cheek at his words, but his words didn’t stop there.

“The fact that I’ve had you bent over, with my cock deep in your soaking wet pussy, letting a stranger fuck you in a public place?” You clenched your thighs at his words, the action not going unnoticed by Dave, as his eyes shifted down to your legs covered up by the pillow. You gulped and nodded,  eyes downcast.

“I see…..Well, I guess I can only assume that you wanted to pretend like that never happened. However,” Dave paused. You lifted your eyes and met his gaze. “What if I don’t want to go on as if nothing happened?” You felt the fire in your soul flare. Were you really hearing his words? Dave got up and moved until he was sitting next to you on the bed, shutting your laptop, setting both the pillow and the computer down next to you.

“See, Princess, I kind of really liked how you felt around me. Feeling the tight walls of your pussy clench around me, milking me for every last drop.” The pet name made you bite your lip and fidget with your hands. You didn’t want to let his words affect you, but they were, and you felt yourself grow hot at the memories. You felt Dave place his hand under your chin and bring your face up to meet his stare. You hadn’t realized how close he was to you until that moment. Should either of you lean forward, just the smallest amount your lip would meet. You inwardly shuddered at the thought.

DAMMIT NO! You scolded yourself.

“Dave, you’re married!” You finally croaked out, snapping your head back so fast it almost hit the headboard. You watched wide-eyed as Dave threw his head back and laughed.

“That didn’t stop you before, baby girl,” he coolly replied. You felt your blood start to boil. He was married, and yet here he was acting like he wasn’t.

“I didn’t know you were married that night,” you shot back, crossing your arms.

“No, but you know now, and I can tell that you still want me,” Dave smirked.

Damn him.

You shook your head, adamant not to fall under his spell, but your willpower was waning.  Dave leaned in close to your ear. “C’mon, sweet girl, you’re going to resist, Daddy?”

“Dave….” you whined, your breath hitching feeling his breath on your ear. Dave smiled and moved your face to capture your lips with his. Heat engulfed your bodies as you moaned into the kiss, grabbing onto his shirt and pulling him closer to you. Dave took the opportunity to deepen the kiss, slipping his tongue into your mouth and battling for dominance. You whined as you felt him bite your lip and then pull away, your lips swelling from the interaction.

“That’s what I thought,” Dave said as he got up and walked out of the room, leaving you hot and bothered.

“Fuck!” You cursed out as you brought your fingers to your lips, feeling the ghost of his kiss. “I am so fucking screwed.”

Dave was annoyed, to say the least. You’d been avoiding him for the last week since your encounter in the hallway, and he’d had enough of it. He’d spent all week watching you on the cameras, watching as you touched yourself when nobody else was home, listening to your little whines and moans. He’d spent all week listening to you pant out his name, and he’d jerked himself off to the image of being there with you. He had begrudgingly given you space this last week and studied you. He wanted to know what made you tick and see if he’d be able to get away with the plans formulating in his mind.

Carol was due back in a week, and he damn well wanted to have you before his wife was back in town, and his chance at more fun would fly out the window. Today he would take what he wanted and tease you, even if it ended up with him getting blue balls in the process. Dave had chosen today when he knew you’d be caught off guard, and boy was he glad he’d done that. Your little make-out session in your bedroom was just the beginning, and he could tell that you’d eventually give in to him. He watched you on the security feed as you laid in bed, annoyed that he’d left so abruptly, and was pleasantly surprised when you picked up your phone to call your friend Melody. Dave got onto his computer and decided to tune in to your little conversation to see what you two were chatting about.

“Hello?” Mel answered.

“Mel, I’m so fucked,” you started. He could hear Mel on the other end of the phone laugh at your words.

“What happened?” she implored.

“Dave…..He…UGH. He needs to stop being so damn sexy!” you proclaimed. Dave smirked at your antics while Mel laughed.

“I mean, he looked fine as hell when you met him; you can’t just turn that kind of sex appeal off,” she replied. You groaned, and he watched on the screen as you slapped your forehead.

“I know! It’s so bad because I want to jump his bones. Like ALL THE TIME,” you said exasperatedly. “And I hate that he’s married, Mel. It’s so fucked. I don’t know how things in their marriage are like, but Carol seems like such a nice woman.” Dave’s ears perked up at the mention of his wife.

I wonder where this is going to go, he thought as he heard you sigh into the phone.

“I know. It’s pretty fucked that he slept with you that night at the bar, but at the same time, that wasn’t your fault. You didn’t know,” she consoled. “For all you know, they might have like an open marriage or some shit like that.”

“Yeah, who the fuck knows, man. But uh, you should probably know something…” You trailed off.

“Did you sleep with him?!” Mel exclaimed through the phone, both sounding concerned but also excited. "Girl, you know I wouldn’t judge you if you did, ‘cause hot damn, I’d love to be in your situation with a hot boss and all, but the whole Carol thing is just weird.”

“No, no, I didn’t sleep with him, but damn do I want to,” you replied with a laugh. “No, he just came into my room a bit ago, and fucking called me out on why I’d been avoiding him. AND THEN THE MOTHERFUCKER KISSED ME!!!” Dave could hear Mel gasp through the phone and then burst into laughter.

“Oh man, what?!”

“Yeah! He came in all serious and then was like, ‘Have you been avoiding me cuz we had sex?’ and he started fucking dirty talking, all like describing how it was when we were at the bar,” you continued.

“OH MY GOD. HOT DAMN GIRL! That’s some fucking Big Dick Energy if I ever,” Mel cackled. Dave shook his head. You girls were too much, and he liked your friend.

“I KNOW! And then he like got all close to me and just - ugh! I even called him out about how he’s married, and you know what he did? He fucking said that he knew I wanted him even after finding out he was married. It’s like he’s a goddamn spy or has eyes watching me or something!” Dave let out a chuckle at your words. Oh, if only you knew how close you were with that statement.

“Oh, man. That’s so hot,” Mel laughed.

“Yeah…But then the son of a bitch went and kissed me!” you said as you threw your head back with a groan. “And Mel, it was so fucking hot. Ugh. It seriously took everything not to rip his clothes off.”

“Oh my god!”

“I KNOW! And then the fucker had to be like ‘That’s what I thought,’ all sexy-like, and then he walked out!” You cried as you flung yourself into your bed while Mel cackled even more over the phone.

“Hot diggity damn, girl. I say you march into his office or room or wherever he is and take what you want. Better yet, tease the fucker back,” Mel suggested. You pondered her statement for a moment and grinned.

“Give him a taste of his own medicine? Fuck, I really should!”

“Do itttttttt,” Mel encouraged. “But you should be careful. Like maybe a little teasing and stuff, but until you figure out what’s going on with him and Carol, don’t cross that line, you know?”

“Yeah, good point. I don’t want to be a homewrecker, but like fuck, he makes it so hard,” you whined.

“I know, chicka, I know. Who knows, maybe he’d leave your wife for you,” she joked. “Wouldn’t that be a twist!” Dave quirked an eyebrow at her words.

I mean fuck, I never had that thought before, but the girls do love her, and we have a lot of chemistry that not even Carol and I had when we first got together, Dave thought to himself.

“Oh my god, Mel. Don’t say that! Dammit, I’m going to Hell,” you groaned out as you laughed.

“It’s ok; I’ll make sure to save you a seat!” “I feel like such a teenager right now, though, dude. Like I don’t know how I’m going to survive.”

“Take it one day at a time, but make sure to keep your head on straight. I’ll support you no matter what, you know that. If you want to pursue things with him and be happy, then go for it. Just make sure that you don’t get hurt in the long run, you know?” Mel said.

“I know, I don’t want to have to deal with another heartbreak. Especially after what happened with Tom,” you breathed into the phone with a sigh. Dave felt a ping in his heart. He knew all about your situation with your ex-boyfriend Tom and how badly that had ended. He knew all about the abuse that you’d been through at the hands of that asshole and had seen the police reports and photos of your battered face. Thankfully Tom was rotting away in prison, but only after he almost killed you. Dave felt his blood boil at the thought of someone hurting you.

“It’s going to be alright, girly,” Mel consoled. “I don’t think Dave is like Tom at all, and Tom is rotting away after what he did to you.”

“Yeah, I know….I’m just scared,” you whispered into the phone. “Anyways, I have to take a shower and run a few errands in a bit, so I’ll let you go.”

“Ok. You be careful, ok? And take care of yourself,” Mel said as you bid each other farewell and hung up. Dave watched you sit in bed for a moment and contemplated going into the room and comforting you but thought better of it.

I’m getting a little in too deep with her.

Shit.

⟸ Previous Chapter ❖ Next Chapter ⟹

[gb-patch]

Ask Answers: January 17th, 2021 (Part 1)

More ask answers! It’s gonna be a lot today, so we’re splitting it into two.

i love Cliff and Kyra's relationship so much ?? even though they had issues they managed to work things out and remain friends through the years! it's so refreshing over the narrative of people resenting each other after they break up.. im kind of curious tho , do they see each other strictly platonic now or is there still something lingering?

Aw, I’m glad to hear you like their relationship. Their feelings are very platonic now. Kyra views him as an ex and co-parent and then a friend as time goes on. Cliff does struggle not to think of her as still his family, even though he’s not romantically attracted anymore. But he’s knows it might be crossing a line to be that attached to a woman who divorced him and so he tries to let her just live her own life.

Can i ask just how tall Cove exactly is in Step 3? And will he be even TALLER in Step 4? My short heart cannot handle this. (Also this game is absolutely flawless and I haven't been able to stop thinking abt it since I played. Planning on getting the dlcs soon, y'all did SO WELL!!!!!!!!!) 

Haha, thank you very much.

Step 1: 4'1 feet Step 2: 5'4 feet Step 3: 6'0 feet Step 4: 6'4 feet 

Hey! So, I know Steam is having its fall sale/boxing day sale or something so i was wondering if you guys were gonna participate in that?? I was thinking of buying XOXO Droplets (the extended version) but i didnt want to do anything before there was a potential sale. May seem like an odd question, but I was genuinely curious. I can't wait to play the full game when i get it tho :D

I’m afraid we have some things we wanna fix in XOXO Droplets before really promoting it/pushing it with sales, so for now it won’t be participating in Steam sales. Hopefully we can update it soon.

Hello I'm still trying to get the CG for Step 2-3 and didn't see or get it when I told Cove of the deal in the Dinner moment like your guide says. I got the achievement but no CG. Is there another choice I'm suppsed to make after telling him?

Make sure you go back to the house with Cove after he leaves and don’t stay in your living room.

* don't be suspicious* *don't be suspicious*  ...Hi, there's another way to pay for the Our Life +18 dlc besides Patreon? Patreon have very limited payment options and I've been struggling with the platform. Anyways, thanks for the amazing game I hope I could support any way ^u^

Haha, right now there isn’t anything specific, but once it’s finished in a few months we’ll look into other hosting sites.

do you think we can get another our life dlc plzzz i would pay so much for it <3 i want to see their life together when they have kids or pets or just live with the two of them and i really want them to adopt kids too since jamie is adopted :)

I’m afraid we likely won’t. As much as we love OL: B&A, we’ve gotta start putting our whole effort into new projects soon. Maybe someday we could come back and do special new content, but it’d be quite awhile after all the planned DLCs have released.

How do you delete a save file? 

On PC or Mac you hover over a slot and hit the delete key, or you can go into the saved data folder and delete the files directly. On Android I’m afraid I don’t know. You can save over them with something else, though.

this is like. totally embarrassing and silly to ask but im dying here; i love cove so much i wanna climb that boy like a tree. so basically what im asking here is like. will the nsfw dlc have explicit stuff or is it more like an implied kinda situation? cuz i want some full on nsfw shit im so thirsty for cove and only this can satisfy me

It’s truly 18+ and explicit with nude art and straightforward descriptions of sexual acts. That’s why we can’t release it as part of the main game, haha. I’m glad you’re into Cove~

Hello! I've really been enjoying Our Life and am noticing some animation changes with the update! I just had a question though. In Step 2 we meet Jeremy but I was wondering if he was only meant to appear in Step 2 as a typical mean kid or is there more we don't know? 

Jeremy is a horrible pill in Our Life, but he is also a beloved romance option as a teenager in our other game XOXO Droplets. His personality is quite different once he grows up more. I imagine Cove and the MC would be pretty surprised.

Hi! i absolutely adore our life so far and I can't wait to continue supporting the game with the upcoming dlc drops! i was just wondering if y'all were planning on uploading any art for steam icons/the steam point shop in general<3 

Thank you! And we might. But we’re first trying to focus on making a new game update since there are still some improvements we have in mind.

I hope this question doesn’t come off weird but would Cove be the type of guy to memorize your period? I imagine he’d be the kind of best friend/boyfriend who would keep track of your cycle to support you during it or something like that 

We’d be shy about it at first and avoid mentioning what he was doing, but he would try to keep track of it based on any insight the MC gave him. The longer you’re with him, the more it could be just a normal thing the two openly talked about.

Hi there, how often do you do auditions? I am a voice actor and would love to be part of a project ?

We usually have auditions two to three times a year. Our next planned casting call will be for side character in Our Life Step 4.

Are the 5 moments included in the Derek and Baxter DLCs different from the normal Step 2 and 3 DLC? And will they focus exclusively on Derek and Baxter respectively? I was a little confused when I read the DLC FAQ. Thanks! 

Mostly they’ll be completely new Moments that star Derek or Baxter. Though, for example, Derek’s DLC will allow you to take him to the Soiree. If you go with Derek that will remove your ability to go with Cove in the Cove Step 2 DLC.

Sorry if you've already said this, but how will your character transfer over to the patreon exclusive NSFW DLC?  Can it access your game memory or will you select traits your character showed and choices you made from a list? 

It’s a standalone event that happens for MCs who are in a relationship with Cove and have been dating him for a while. Other details about the MC/their dynamic with Cove will just be picked in the event itself. It won’t try to take data from a specific save in the actual game.

I love your games, but currently only have an Android. When will you put your other games on android? 

I don’t know. They might not able to be formatted for Android very well, unfortunately. We’ll see how much time we’ve got later this year to try figuring it out.

Thank you so much for all the questions :D

[charmspoint]

what i know abt qifrey from u talking abt him uhh ok so he's genuinely just a nice guy but also he's evil and irredeemable but also he's literally just a pleasant gentleman

I know ur not asking for a rant about this but by god ur gonna get it.

So the thing is, I don't think Qifrey is evil or irredeemable at all. We joke around the fandom (at least i hope its mostly jokes) that he's evil and crazy but he's really not. If id have to pin Qifrey on a morality spectrum I'd say morally gray but leaning towards the good.

Did Qifrey do some messed up stuff? Yes, fo sure. But I've always gotten more of an impression that he's teetering towards the edge and not completely over it. He does do damage but so far he's mostly made sure that damage was extremely localized and not actually harming other people (I talked about before how Qifrey's own memory erasing spell seems weirdly specialized compared to what we were brought to believe memory erasing spell actually does when used by anyone else).

But now comes the question

Do I think Qifrey will get worse?

Yes, 100% I believe this is where we are going towards, I said before that I'm p convinced he will become some kind of obstacle for Coco down the line.

Qifrey is going through a LOT rn. He's already got ptsd from, you know being stripped of his identity, buried alive, almost drowned and then remembering he was experimented on like a lab rat, but now it's getting worse. Before he could at least relay on the fact that even though his past was horrible, his future was bright. He genuinely loves his job, he loves his girls, he loves teaching. This monolog gets me every single time

Now he's losing his future, he's losing not only his eye, but the whole identity he built out of nothing, he's losing his teaching position, he's losing his kids, he's losing Everything he gained after he had already lost Everything.

It leaves him rushing against an uncertain time limit, desperate, stumbling, sloppy. I don't think he's thinking straight anymore, not really. I think he's convinced he is being methodical and calculating but in actuality he's stumbling forward, grasping at straws, unable to hold on to anything but his need for revenge and the empty words that his actions aren't only for his own sake.

It's all very striking, in his relationship with Olruggio in particular. Olruggio is very clearly supposed to be the guiding light for Qifrey, the one who pulls him back when he goes too far, the one who helps him resist the growing darkness. It's very meaningful how as Qifrey continues on his path he makes sure Olruggio doesn't even know about it. He said it himself, if Olruggio knew, he'd try to save him. He'd try to bring Olruggio to light again and Qifrey doesn't WANT to be saved, he has decided on a road he wants to take and he won't allow anyone to change his course. Not even Olruggio.

So do I think Qifrey is evil?

No

Do I think he'll get worse?

Yes

Do I think he'll become evil?

Not really

See here's the thing. Qifrey's desperation, how quickly he's trying to work through this, how determined he is to throw everything else under the bus if he could just achieve his goals? All of that is dictated by the fact he's running out of time, the fact that once he loses his eyesight he can no longer be a witch. Eyesight is VERY important to witches since magic is a very visual art. We've seen with Tartar how something as seemingly miniscule as color blindness can basically doom someone, causing everyone around them to say they can't become a witch without good eyesight. So complete blindness is a death sentence to a witches career. Now, it's funny how a lot of the Coustas and Tartars arc has to do with adjusting the world to disability and not the person to the world. How it's made pointed, over and over again, that people with disabilities shouldn't be written off but given proper tools that will help them function, how the world should adjust to be a more comfortable place for all kinds of people and not just those who are already adjusted to it. Without the threat of his eyesight going out and cutting his whole identity into bits, Qifrey wouldn't have to act like this, he would be able to sit and think and not rush and if he still wants to pursue brimhats he could do it more safely for himself and everyone else because the desperation factor would be gone.

So what I think is going to happen is that Qifrey will lose his eyesight but won't lose his standing as a witch because he, Olruggio and the kids will figure out how to make magic accessible to him.

Now there's of course a bunch more unaccounted for variables which I'll probably have a better grasp on after the current arc is done being translated. Ininia and Lord Restis represent a very interesting development because they are brimhats introduced specifically via healing injuries. The rule of 'medicine magic isn't allowed cuz it's a slippery slope' has been there since the beginning of the series and a big thorn in the 'yeah the witch world rules are good and fair' side cuz of course, everyone thinks healing people should be allowed. Now the brimhats we've had so far were fully ready to attack and experiment on children's bodies in order to further their own goals so of course that immediately leaves you disliking them and not putting much account into their rhetoric even though it does make sense at times, but ur not gonna listen to ppl experimenting on kids. That's why I think Ininia and Lord Restis are interesting, cuz if they aren't literally attacking children they might get a good case in about medicine magic being allowed. I think we are going towards at least some sort of medicine magic becoming acceptable considering Tartar's arc. But then the question is, if some sort of medicine magic is approved, will it be used to heal disabilities cuz like...that would kinda suck. I would much rather have a 'world should be adjusted so disabled people can participate in it equally' narrative rather than the 'just heal the disability with magic lol' narrative. But honestly this whole paragraph is pure speculation because the arc isn't fully translated or even fully out yet but I sure af am LOOKING at it. I think it will be v important in understanding where the story is going to go. I just hope Shirahama does a good job with it, but honestly she never once let me down up until now so I'm feelin positive.

Circling back to Qifrey, I do think he's one of the kindest, most understanding, most lovable characters I've had a joy of reading and studying. But he does have a black hole in him that is pulling apart all that kindness, leaving him a shattering shell. I don't think he's evil, I don't think he'll ever become truly evil and despite what he's done I don't think any of what he did is irredeemable, especially with how careful he tends to be not to take away from people more than he has to to further his own goals. But I do think that hole will eat at him more and more and that before he can get better somebody will have to notice it and help him plug it up. Olruggio noticed and Qifrey refused the help, convinced that he can't be helped, not in the way he needs. He will need proof that he can keep his future before he can ease up on the frantic hunt after his past

[dajaregambler]

HeliosR - Dino Albani Character story - part 3

Translation of the third part of Dino’s character story from ‘Helios Rising Heroes’. 

Dino: Fuh! Haah…!

Dino: Hey-ho….!

Dino: .....

Dino: Phew…. Guess I’ll take a break….

Brad: Looks like you’re putting quite the effort in it, Dino

Dino: !! Brad…!

Brad: I’ve heard you’ve been training every day lately. Aren’t you burdening your body?

Dino: It’s all good. I’m completely back on track and have more than enough strength to use

Dino: Wait, am I hogging the entire training room too much? Did you come to see if I had put a claim or…..?

Brad: That’s not it. I simply came to check up on you.

Brad: You returned to HELIOS and got admitted as a mentor in West immediately. I want to hear if there’s anything outside of your physical state that you’re having trouble with.

Dino: Ah, that’s what it’s about. It’s not like there’s anything bothering me right now?

Dino: Tower’s not looking too different than before either…. I can’t be more thankful to people I know and everyone else that are welcoming me back.

Dino: ….Well, the current situation is as it is though.

Brad: ……….

Dino: Being a mentor…. It’s going kinda so-so?

Dino: I’m trying out various things to learn more about Junior-kun and Faith-kun though. Like, copying Jay’s methods and inviting ‘em to play some catch♪

Brad: Catch huh, been a while since I heard that. Honestly, I’m not too worried regarding that.

Brad: Compared to other mentors, your skill in communication is high. ….If anything, I’d want Keith to have more of a sense of danger. 

Dino: Ahahah…It does feel that Keith’s the same as ever

Dino: Like, the type of guy to keep saving his energy. Was a bit of a shock to learn that he drinks that much though….

Brad: ….Whether it’s about the rookies or Keith, if there’s anything that’s weighing on your mind don’t hesitate to tell me about it. I’ll give you my support as the Mentor-leader

Dino: Thanks. Man, you being a Mentor-leader’s giving me a big sense of security 

Dino: Back at the academy too, I remember teachers going on how it was such a peaceful year when you were the president of the student council

Brad: Hmph…… Fellow students would frequently heckle me though. 

Dino: Still, when once in a while you’d be organizing events, all these complaints would get cancelled out by the good vibes, right?

Dino: You properly did what you’d promise, but still listened to what people had to say around you…. Seriously, it made me think that you’re such a smart guy

Brad: I was merely preserving the balance so the order wouldn’t get disrupted. 

Dino: That you can do it is amazing enough. I’m the type that lets my feelings go ahead and do whatever I want, I totally can’t be serious

Dino: I admired you since forever, but this gave me a newfound respect for you

Brad: ………..

Dino: Ah, right… Remembered there was something I wanted to ask about, can I?

Brad: Yeah, go ahead

Dino: My physical condition is back to where it once was…. With my intuition it’s kind of a different story which is bothering me.

Brad: Intuition?

Dino: Yup. Until now I…. had been moving my body while I was at Eclipse, but it wasn’t like I was controlling it myself.

Dino: I’ve been training everyday while trying to recall my intuition from before, though I can’t feel that I’m getting ahold of it 

Dino: So with that, if you don’t mind…. I want you to do a bit of sparring with me!

Brad: What……?

Dino: If you still have work left to do then tommorrow’s fine too, or rather, whenever you actually have the time is totally fine too!

Dino: And I know veeery well that you’re busy----

Brad: It’s not a problem

Dino: Really!?

Brad: Yes. However, would I be good enough?

Brad: Even if it’s a light match, I might be lacking in strength to take you on

Dino: What are you going on about, Brad. Who else am I supposed to fight if I leave you be?

Dino: Honestly feel like I’m lucky since you came here. Thought to ask at once if you were gonna stay

Dino: Ah, and….  it’s not just a light match, let’s do it seriously

Brad: …….

Brad: Hm, let’s go then

-----

Brad: Haah….. How about it, have you regained your intuition, Dino

Dino: Heheh yup, all thanks to you♪

Dino: Aaah, been a while since I felt this. It’s making me think of how I enjoyed to sparring with you back then 

Dino: How do I put it? It’s reassuring to feel that I can always go all out and fight with everything I have?

Dino: Of course Jay and Keith are strong too, and their respective powers are worthwhile in different ways but…. 

Brad: Same here, I’m also able to gain a lot from sparring with you

Brad: It’s been a while since I had seen it, but your power is truly an interesting one. It’s certain that you’re flexible, yet again and again you exceed my expectations by thinking outside the box.

Dino: ‘Cuz it’s the style of a wild wolf. I can use different martial arts at my disposal, but basically it’s like resorting to the senses of an animal….. such as “Don’t think, feel”?

Brad: Oscar would be envious if he were to hear that we fought each other.

Brad: He highly thinks of you as his mentor and respects you. If perhaps next time you need a sparring partner, give him a call 

Dino: Ooh, that’s a good idea. I’ll do it♪

Dino: I’m telling you though, you’re the one that Oscar idolizes the most. He’d go all like “You sparred with Brad-sama!?” and get jealous, ahaha.

Brad: I also admire you. 

Dino: ...Eh?

Brad: During battle it’s a given, but your friendly personality that can be open about anything to whoever, and how you’re honest and such…..

Brad: You always had what I was lacking

Dino: Uwah…. It really makes me happy to hear that coming from you….. Actually, kind of a bit embarrassing? 

Brad: You said the same thing yourself earlier.

Dino: Right. How I admired you and all...

Dino: Nihi, great to see that we feel the same about each other♪ Love and peace…..☆

Dino: Guh! Kinda just noticed Keith’s staring at us suuuuuper hard now!

Dino: Let’s go give Keith some honoring too!

Brad: Hmph. If you were to ask me what’s there to admire about him, you wouldn’t get it out of me any time soon

Dino: Ahahah…. But well, Keith’s got his strong points too

Dino: Seriously, I’m glad from the bottom of my heart that we’re classmates. And that I could also come back to where you two are……..

Dino: Really, thanks for sparring with me. I had lotsa fun!

Brad: Yes….. I was able to spend my time productively too.

[having-a-hyperfixate]

Secret Reports

Gonna just edit this thing and put line breaks as I get more of them.

I’m also working on the rest of the completion, and will probably wander off in the middle of this to do Another Day, which will probably have its own post. I fully expect that to be sheer madness. 

#1 So is it just me or is Mr H writing these reports to channel how extremely stressed he is. Cuz like. Mood. *gestures vaguely at blog* *gestures at this post specifically*

I. Hold up. Skeezy McFuckwad and Joshua did what resulting in which now. Excuse me. EXPLAIN!??! Joshua had a sneaky Game running with Skeezy that directly lead to Hazuki ordering Skeezy to destroy Shinjuku??? Is that what I am reading. Or possibly the order was already in the works, and then there was the Game, which ultimately just pushed that forward?? You can’t just say shit like that and not give details ffffffff.

 #2 Mr H having about as much contempt for Shinjuku rules as I do I feel seen haha. Bogus indeed. I can’t remember if I said it in one of my other posts, of if it was in a group chat, but I made a comment somewhere how this ruleset doesn’t seem to work with the stated purpose of the whole Reaper’s Game system. Sweet validation.

 #3 Not much to say except that if I had read this entire report when I actually got it, I would have been much more alarmed by all of the Replays Rindo has to do after that. I got it partway through week 3 but decided not to read it until I beat the game and then BAM it has this lovely tidbit about potentially being able to destroy the UG and RG.

 #4 So, the business that the fandom refers to as the Long Game is known in universe by the higher-ups and Shibuya’s impurification, because it didn’t get ‘purified’ like Shinjuku (I object to that term but ok).

“The hierarchical freeze presumably stems from opposition to the impurification”

Skeezy wasn’t reprimanded when he arrived in Shibuya “possibly because most Higher Plane denizens still oppose Shibuya’s impurification”

ExcUSE ME. I. WHAT. In one of the secret reports for the first game, Mr H says something about the way things turned out be an ‘ideal parallel world’ according to the Angels. I guess he only meant the ones who didn’t want the city destroyed holy shit. That most of them didn’t want Joshua to change his mind and STILL DON’T is so massively fucked up I can’t. Dear Higher Plane, what the actual, ever loving fuck.

-----------------

#5 One hundred and four Games under Shiba. That’s… so. many. teams. Holy shit. And the teams we knew had seen at LEAST 30 teams go. And the three teams we saw weren’t small. So many people…

Also, “Minamimoto seems to be plotting something” is the funnies thing I’ve read in ages OF COURSE HE IS that’s what he DOES. XD That was some mood whiplash.

#6 I was so hung up on the lack of entry fee for so long you don’t even know. Like. Those were so important in the first one it was baffling to me that Shinjuku rules didn’t have anything similar. And then eventually I just decided that the whole Game wasn’t being run correctly and Shiba was clearly after something other than driving the improvement that’s supposed to be the point.

I would like more explanation on this ‘Rindo’s stagnation makes him perfect for time travel thing’. I kind of understand how his reactions being consistent would be helpful in being able to control where the timeline goes (also I just realized this further confirms that Angels remember the other timelines glad I wasn’t imagining that the Prime days are a blur), but what does he mean about being able to maintain abnormally high levels of imagination? (It might tell me later so don’t say anything lol)

“I can only hope I’m not overthinking things.” Oh, you aren’t. If I’m understanding everything correctly, Skeezy actually had two proxies. And poor Rindo managed to end up being proxy for both sides at the same time which is. A mess.

 #7 Well, finally we know how Coco managed to get her hands on a taboo sigil. Plagiarism. Lmao. That at least makes sense and I can worry less about her being Something Else. I would like a word with whoever didn’t clean that up from Udagawa long enough for her to copy it though. That’s hilarious. Interesting that Mr H thinks it wasn’t a perfect recreation though, that something in him got changed. Once again, please elaborate. Please. *headdesk* What prompted Coco to just. Copy a taboo sigil though. Cuz that seems. Unusual.

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#8 Ok there’s a lot to unpack in this one. Namely, more Shinjuku rules. I would love to know if these are long standing rules or relatively recent. Cuz like. Did Shinjuku’s Game ever run in a way that would drive the kind of improvement that’s supposed to be the overall goal? Or has it always, or at least for a while now, been basically a meat grinder? The players that don’t clear that minimum bar probably just get erased outright, I would think. Actually, I’m confused. If normally, one team would get to leave and one team would be erased, wouldn’t that normally keep the average pretty level, so the Game would basically go on forever? Otherwise what do you do with all the other teams that are between first and last? I’m confused. It can’t be normal for teams to keep asking for more rounds. And what if the winning team says ‘everyone gets to go home’?

“The Conductor has yet to contact the Composer” and “it is possible he is unaware of the Higher Plane’s purification protocol.” I don’t know why, but I get the feeling these are important.

 #9 These secret reports are really driving at the whole ‘Rindo just goes with it’ thing, aren’t they. Like, that was his thing, right? He has trouble making definitive decisions? So his arc culminates in that moment in Udagawa where he tells Hazuki that he’s going to take the risk and go back one more time, where he’s making that decision purely for his own sake. And here Mr H seems to be saying that prodding Rindo down the road to character growth is going to be a lot harder than it was with Neku back in the day. Which makes sense, I think. Confronting someone with the concept that other people have value is a lot less complicated than trying to get them to not only make a firm decision, but to choose something that is purely because it’s what they want and need, not because someone else thinks they should.

It’s a little alarming that this report implies that if the pin wasn’t absorbing the Dissonance caused by the Replays, the UG and RG would already be having a bad time. Yikes. This is the report for day 2 of the second week. We haven’t even gotten into the crazy time travel yet.

Aaaaand #10 is for completing the social network, so I have to actually go do Another Day. I want to read these in order; it is much less confusing that way.

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#10 I really shouldn’t read these late at night with a possible migraine coming on, they’re already confusing enough. The bits that made sense: Uzuki was acting Conductor damn girl. (Did she have to deal with Joshua and was he in Dignified Mode or Being a Shit Mode because that’s possibly an oof.) I had assumed Shiba was Shinjuku’s Conductor and then just kinda took over after they moved in but apparently not? And RIP the actual Conductor, apparently. Weird that so many Reapers made it but the Conductor, who by all rights should have, didn’t.

I am slightly concerned by the fact that there’s standard procedure for obliterating a district. That’s. Alarming.

I don’t think page 4 is continuing the thought on page 3. Fucking. Stop that. Don’t just say a thing and then start talking about something else I would like EXPLANATIONS. UGH. “Almost” he says. I’m going to go out on a limb and assume that almost is a big deal, so why don’t you tell me about it.

Four cases where a district got into trouble before a final decision on whether to reset or not was made. And one was the last game. I wonder if that means whatever was wrong that made Joshua want to destroy it, or if the ‘imbalance’ was all the madness that happened after he agreed to one final Game with Kitaniji and the left the UG. Cuz in one of the first set of secret reports, it says that with the Composer absent, the UG is starting to fall apart as the rules are no longer valid, or something like that. I would definitely call that an imbalance.

 #11 All I care about in this report is that Mr H wants to have a digital art bonding party with Kaie and that is so random why are you writing this down you absolute goober. The first page of this report is like ‘everyone is getting depressed’ and then just a wild left turn into dork-town. Lmao what.

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#12 I don’t think Mr H knows at this point (you get this report for W2D5’s Boss Noise) that the Ruinbringers are all Reapers. He’s gonna be mad. He does know what Shoka is up to though. He’s worried. Aw.

 #13 It didn’t occur to me until this report hit me in the face with it, but they’ve set up a fantastic contrast between the two people Rindo knows from online. One is. not great, let’s say, because I did not take the reveal of Motoi’s true self well. The other is Shoka, and she’s a real friend. I now see what you did there. One relationship that’s a farce and one that really, really isn’t.

 #14 Me, out loud, at 1:30 in the damn a.m.: WAIT. HOLD THE FUCK UP.

If getting Tsugumi out of Mr Mew required an Angel, how in the hell did Shiki manage to…? What. I’m very confused.

Also damn, saving Tsugumi was so important that Shinjuku’s Conductor died for it. Did he know what she could do, the whole visions thing? Or maybe that something was wrong with Shiba and it would take someone like her to potentially stop him in the future?

I still would like to now how the hell Tsugumi got her hands on Mr Mew. Especially since its apparently the ORIGINAL Mr Mew and she seems to have had him during the inversion? What.

 #15 So… Inversions don’t always happen when a region is purified. I’m trying to wrap my brain around what a ‘complete loss of character’ in and area that’s had an Inversion could mean. Like… I think I get it, but my brain won’t make words, let alone sentences. Like when you go into a hotel room, and it doesn’t feel like a home, as opposed to when you go to a friend or family’s house, and it does? Kinda like that but it’s the whole district that’s just… blank? That’s kinda creepy.

If there are so many who think a ‘regular purification’ isn’t enough, the a) what does that even look like, b) is that what Joshua was going to do to Shibuya and c) is there an intermediate step between ‘normal’ and Inversion? I have been staring at this report for literally 15 minutes now.

 #16 “I wonder how [Shiba] will feel about all this after he is allowed to return to his former self.” Yuuuuuup. I still Do Not Like him, but dude was borderline mind controlled so like. Yeah. And I did get to kill him once, so. As long as he minds his business and isn’t a total dick from here on, whatever. It all just sucks.

*facepalm* Well at least we got to being suspicious of Replay eventually. Why did it take you this long Mr H. Though I do wonder what Rindo would have been able to do without the interference. He had to have some kind of latent skill for the pin to react to him, right? I’m now going in circles mentally trying to puzzle out if Replay is like, a leveled up version of whatever Rindo would have naturally had, and regardless, where exactly it came from. Because the only time I can think of when anyone had a chance to mess with the pin was when he didn’t catch it in the prologue. And I’m pretty sure it was Joshua who picked it up. Aaagh I’m giving myself a headache.

I find it hard to believe skeezy would just yeet a random time travel pin out into the world. That seems both dumb as fuck and inefficient.

 #17 “Some of them who know what I am occasionally try to contact me.” Lol so Kariya DOES know who Mr H is, I take it. Alright.

I’m having some kind of emotion that Wildkat still exists in a way for the Reapers, and that some of them still go there.

I just imagined Uzuki texting him like ‘plz make the Composer fucking do something kthx’ and I’ve got the giggles now oh dear

 #18 HA! I was right! Minamimoto WASN’T in control when he attacked us! ‘Distortions within himself’ though, that’s concerning. Does that have to do with how he’s come back from the dead twice now? And how Coco’s copy of the sigil was apparently imperfect?

 #19 I was about to say ‘who would target him for his abilities?’ and then my brain turned back on because duh. Shiba and them were looking hard for Neku, to the point that they flooded the RG with Player Pins in the hopes that he would pick one up and get sucked into the Game. A thing that occurred to me last night at 3:30 in the morning because I am a disaster: Mr H says that Minamimoto ‘seems different’. Neku says much the same thing after he comes back. So… Neku’s ability to Scan all the way down to someone’s Soul is potentially close to as sensitive as Mr H’s long distance ability. Which is a little insane. On top of the fact that he can use basically every psych imaginable no problem, survived a pact with a Composer for a full week, while said Composer was using crazy light beams which probably should have melted Neku from the feedback, and then almost singlehandedly defeated the Conductor while somehow inventing four-way fusion attacks. Kid is mad powerful. And he’s just a human. Like, the OG secret reports say that people always become dramatically stronger when they become Reapers. Reaper!Neku would be unstoppable.

“This would be much simpler if I could sit down and talk with him.” Okay, I laughed out loud. Like, loudly.

So… Shinjuku’s Composer… basically had his Conductor assassinated by skeezy. And because skeezy was messing with Shiba’s head, he could prompt Shiba to take the Reapers to Shibuya afterwards, to start doing it there too? Hazuki ordered Shinjuku’s purification so… Oh dear. I might have a few bones to pick with him.

 OH NO. OOOOOH. OH NOOOO. SHINJUKU’S CONDUCTOR. HE WAS TSUGUMI’S BROTHER OH MY GOD. That is fucking tragic what the fuck. What the FUCK. Okay several things make sense now but OH MY GOD FUCKING HELL I WAS NOT READY FOR THAT. Shiki fixing Mr Mew allowed Tsugumi to free herself because her brother had already done part of the work, I take it? Along with us getting the Noise out of there? No wonder the Conductor stayed, he had to go get his sister… Shit, man.

 …… Did Coco steal Mr Mew and take him to Shinjuku?????

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#21 isn’t very interesting, just a rehash of stuff we already knew.

#22 Okay Haz IS Shinjuku’s Composer. What. Why? I’m. So confused. Why would he intercede on our behalf, and why NOW? He was happy to throw his own city away, but stepped in to stop skeezy in Shibuya? And then tried to put it back together, and when Rindo was miserable he came to try to understand why. And then cajoled Rindo into having a breakthrough in his Character Development to boot.

Mr H says he has an idea why Haz did all this. And then doesn’t fucking say it because OF COURSE. *headdesk* That gets really old really fast, game.

I’m now running through The Last Day’’ to get the final two reports and this entire section with Haz is somehow even more confusing with context. God damn it Nomura.

 #23 Even after he said we were on our on this time, he forced the Soul Pulvis to reform as Pheonix Cantus to make it easier for us to fight? Bro. What. Are all Composers just… walking contradictions? Aiya.

Shoutout to emotional support Joshua at the end there lol. I remember half-hysterically thinking ‘what are you just here for moral support?’ but ok. And I mean, it did work, Neku did manage to do the thing, so. *sigh* Speaking of, it is ABSOLUTELY INSANE that Neku manage to sync with the entire city without his brain melting. Remember at the beginning of the first game when he scans for the first time and has a massive sensory overload? Look at my boy, all grown up.

 #24 Holy shit world building on how exactly people come back to life without everyone freaking out. I never thought I would see the day.

I still have so many questions but that was always going to be the case. The first game had so many things it left open as well. Agh. Time to start wearing new holes in my brain overthinking things.

[voidstilesplease]

sharaaa get some fanfic asks bestie:

a fic you didn’t expect to write

something you learned this year

most memorable comment/review (that's such a cool question, honeslty, i look forward to your answer!)

a fic you read this year you would recommend everyone read (*props up notebook to write down recs*)

a fic you didn’t expect to write

fics you’ll continue next year

-

(yes i know i am Bad at keeping things short, ooops. have fun :D)

hellooo, tea :)) i'd deleted the fic ask post, but i'm going to do this for you <3

a fic you didn’t expect to write

revelry. it's part 18 of my a-z ficlets, and it centers around religious homophobia. i grew up in a Catholic household, you see, and we're much open now truly. but it wasn't always that way. back when i started reading slash fics, the more devout members of my extended family would probably have no qualms labelling me a deviant had they known. so, it's kinda weird to write it, though it's a short piece. i'm still not sure about it honestly haha.

something you learned this year

that i suck at writing consistently XD writing is my therapy, so i should find that balance that would make me have time to do it. right now, it's not looking good, though. also, that i should write what i enjoy writing about. self-indulgence :)))

most memorable comment/review

oh, this one's from ff.net. it goes: If you don't continue this soon I'm going to find you and haunt you at night, kay? I really mean it, in case you don't believe me. :) i love that this person still trusts me and wants me to continue a fic that hasn't updated since 2019 :(((

a fic you read this year you would recommend everyone read

oh! i love this one. i already answered the same question in a previous ask, but i'm going to put a different fic here. actually, three different fics that i want to marry simultaneously:

first is Running on Air by eleventy7. this is a drarry fic that turned my world inside out, upside down, completely knocked off its axis. reading it was like running on air lol. seriously, what a fucking poignant work of art. this fic is easily one of the drarry classics || next is the we found love 'verse by zukkababey. this is technically a three-part series, but i'm counting it as a whole. and oh my lord, tea. if you haven't read this one yet, you definitely should. it's a fix-it series of the maze runner trilogy, and it's main ship is thominho. so, you see, i was bound to get obsessed. i love everything about this series. like seriously. i've only read the tmr trilogy once, but i already scrolled through this one three times and counting. i'm not exaggerating the littlest bit || lastly, A Foreign Affair by annabellelux. this one, you're probably not familiar with. it's a snowbaz AU set in the plot of casey mcquiston's lgbt book red white and royal blue. i enjoyed every second it. i love simon snow and baz pitch with all of my heart (i will not gush about them here because i will not be finished anytime soon), and reading them as the first son of the US and the crown prince of Britain did wonders to me. beautiful, beautiful wonders.

fics you’ll continue next year

lol, i have lots of this. but i'll mention the ones that are already published on ao3. so, i'm most excited about three, the first two of which are for steo: the hogwarts au there you are and i run, the post-canon false memory au in another life, and probably the only percabeth fic i'll write in this lifetime but if we loved again i swear i'd love you right. oh, and there's also another one that i will gift to a friend once it's completed! i actually just posted the second chapter of it here :)

thank you so much, tea :)) i hesitated cuz i might not be able to answer immediately, that's why i deleted the ask post. but i enjoyed this little break! now, off to work i go.

fanfic end of the year asks