#might rewatch scenes and tear them apart

[isagrimorie]

Rewatching a few scenes from Star Trek Voyager's 2 part episode: Workforce. These episodes really did a number on Janeway; this is one of the times I did wish emotional arcs carried over from one episode to the next.

In the seven years in the Delta Quadrant, nothing has stopped Janeway's quest to bring home her crew back to the Alpha Quadrant.

And in the Delta Quadrant, for Captain Kathryn Janeway, the Voyager is home.

Janeway has faced off against the Borg Queen, the Hirogen, the Vidiians, and Species 8472 but no one has done as much damage to Janeway the way Dr Kadan did a number on Kathryn Janeway.

Because Kadan took away Janeway's certainty.

Kathryn Janeway can traverse any gulf, and jump to any fire as long as she has her iron-clad certainty and belief in her mission intact and that was what Kadan took from Kathryn Janeway.

He accidentally pinpointed the one thing she's been able to repress for so long, and that's her loneliness and how bone tired she is of being in Command.

More than any other Captain, Kathryn Janeway needed a sabbatical. She needed to reconnect with herself, and just be Kathryn.

This is the gift and curse Kadan gave to Kathryn Janeway. Because as plain ol' Kathryn Janeway, a factory worker she was happy, free of responsibility and burdens of Command.

She found friends, love, and comfort in Jaffen (a well-casted romantic lead. The actor had charisma and acting chops to make us believe Janeway Captain or just Kathryn would fall for him).

I don't think Janeway even knew how lonely she's become -- no one needed a long vacation from work than Janeway. I hope that she got that vacation Starfleet put her on the Flag Officer track.

Through the whole two-part episode we see them build up this vivacious and happy version of Kathryn, and then by part 2, the story slowly pulls that away from her.

Just as an example, the look on Kathryn's face when Harry addresed her as "Captain".

You can see how Harry addressing Kathryn as "Captain" struck a chord in her but it's also like someone threw cold water at her.

Kathryn immediately tells Harry to call her "Kathryn" instead:

Kathryn tries to still be in denial and tentatively brings up what Chakotay told her: "He said you had proof of who some of us really are."

She's trying to put distance between herself and this reality. She's conflicted-- she doesn't want to be Captain Janeway. There's even a hint of temptation there that she doesn't want to continue on helping her missing friends.

And yet, the moment Voyager and her crew were in trouble some part of herself reacted. And despite what she felt, she proceeded to bring down the shield knowing that doing so would tear her away from the life she's come to love.

This happens fast, once the shield grid is down, Kathryn disappears from Jaffen's side.

And the next time they see each other again, Kathryn Janeway is Captain Kathryn Janeway again with her uniform and Command back. And they might as well be a million miles away despite being in the same room:

Janeway allows herself to embrace Jaffen for one last time, and there's tears in her eyes, her grief is palpable. It's the way she's held herself apart from Jaffen, the way her hand twitches like she wants to reach out and touch him but can't.

Not in the uniform she's wearing, not in the position she's in.

You can see how much her experience in Quarren affected Janeway by the way she enters the Bridge:

In the turbo lift, she's faced away from the Bridge as if she can't bear being there. She has to steel herself.

Normally Janeway occupies the turbo lift like she owns that space. Because she DOES.

It’s so strange seeing Janeway occupy so little space in her own bridge, even when Voyager was hijacked she never looked out of place or so small.

The moment she steps out Harry, eager Ensign Harry, who missed the events in Quarren and how it might have affected her notices Captain Janeway immediately and announces her arrival.

She looks around at the bridge, still uncertain. Still picking up the pieces of the Captain.

Even when she sat on her Command chair,Janeway looked uncomfortable and for the first time, Captain Janeway doesn't look like she's larger than life.

She can't help but confide to Chakotay:

And. There. It. Is.

The biggest moment. Janeway admitted that Quarren felt like home. Even in The 37s, on a planet that's closest to Earth and home Janeway never even considered that home.

In the Delta Quadrant, Voyager is home.

The moment Janeway said this on the rewatch, I was bowled over because this is such a big moment for Janeway. A big thing for her to admit.

Chakotay asks her if Janeway is sorry he showed up and upended her comfortable life in Quarren?

There is a second's beat, but the beat tells all the story that needs to be said. Janeway rallies and lies: "Not for a second."

She's saying the right words but, at that moment, so near Quarren, after just losing Jaffen. Janeway says something she doesn't feel.

Janeway orders Tom to resume the course for home; but after she gives the order, Janeway's face falls.

And it's so damned sad and this, as I said above, is one of the moments I wish they continued this emotional throughline with Janeway.

Kadan did a number on her and I wish we get to see throughout a few episodes Janeway slowly get over the lie and find a measure of happiness.

Instead, season 7 loses its focus on Janeway and bizarrely have an episode with Q Jr and then a lot of focus on the EMH Doctor. It takes several episodes before Janeway gets the focus again, and that's the series finale.

If Voyager were written today, and the writers were allowed, this moment would be the emotional turning point for Janeway. It's the point where Janeway has to find a way home fast otherwise she's heading for a breakdown.

The center will not hold.

It's probably a good thing her future, alternate self decided to save Captain Janeway the heartbreak of a decade more of this life, and losing the people she loves the most.

And it kind of hurts that canonically, we don't know if Janeway was able to take that vacation. And if Janeway was able to get a measure of happiness and love, as I've mentioned after this episode and after Firewall I really don't care who Janeway ends up with anymore as long as Janeway is happy.

/Edited, March 13 2024, 10AM

[wordsinhaled]

I rewatched the confession scene again recently, and Charles' eyes just after Edwin confesses to him say everything, honestly.

Not when he still thinks Edwin might be joking, or calling them back to mythology. Once Charles is done playing it off, once Edwin's assured him he's serious, once he's said, "Charles, I'm in love with you. As more than a friend, I'm afraid," with that resolute anguish in his voice, and it's clear he's telling a truth so honest, so deep that it's tearing him apart to say it, but to leave it unsaid is equally unbearable.

Charles' eyes then.

Charles has this thing he does with his eyes, probably unconscious, when he's being real with his emotions or feeling them in a big way - he darts his eyes up to the ceiling. He does it a few other times, like when he's talking to Edwin about how he and Crystal have decided not to try a relationship, and again when he's giving his response to Edwin's confession ("I can't say I'm, like, in love with you back—" his eyes go up).

Doing this is also a way to hold back welling tears, to try to keep them from falling - and it looks like that's exactly what's happening to Charles just after Edwin confesses. He's overcome with emotion when he first looks at Edwin. He's trying to hold back his tears, and so he tries to glance up at the ceiling instead; he blinks quickly to keep them back; he looks to the side, everywhere except at Edwin, because if he keeps looking at Edwin just then he's going to cry.

Because it's Edwin. Edwin's in love with him. And in that moment you can see in Charles' eyes how the hugeness of that—it closes in on him. And it's two things:

ONE: He's just seen Edwin torn apart, and torn apart again, over and over. He's seen firsthand the abject terror and pain Edwin's endured here, he's seen the pile of Edwin's corpses; and the real Hell for Charles, what he had to see before he could really see the rest, was Edwin's suffering. He understands why Edwin's been playing the suffering Olympics with startling clarity. It's fucking horrifying, the idea of this happening to Edwin, and the evidence of it there, mere feet from him - he's confronted with it viscerally. He could hardly stand it, was already brought to tears by it when he first realized exactly what Edwin's torture was, crouching with Edwin there in that hallway. There were tears in his eyes then. For Edwin's pain, suffering, fear, for how diminished and Edwin was here in this awful place, for the unfairness of it - and he couldn't cry then, because he had to focus on getting them out of there.

He's here to rescue Edwin. His Edwin. Prim and proper and fussy Edwin, sharp-tongued, brilliant, frustrating and so fucking perfectly wonderful, all starched collars and arched eyebrows and set habits, and his little infinite notebook with the painstakingly drawn map of Hell in it that led Charles right to him. Edwin, who means safety to Charles, Edwin whom he knows like the breathing he doesn't need anymore, Edwin, all of whose tells Charles has memorized. Edwin who for 70 years dealt with this quietly, before ever meeting Charles, running scared and covered in his own blood for decades, clawing his own way out with no one, no Charles to come for him, no expectation of a rescuer.

And the first thing he'd done after escaping this horror show the first time was to bring Charles a lantern when he was cold and scared, and read him gently to his quiet, easy, peaceful death. A death so soft Charles didn't notice it until after it happened. How could that be the death Charles got, when Edwin had got this one, over and over and over again, and not once but twice? How is the universe fair?

Edwin loves him. Charles already knew that. He loves Edwin too. It's clear in everything they do for one another and has been for three decades. But Edwin is in love with him. Somehow, he's in love with Charles. Of course Charles is going to cry. How can he hold all of that? How can he hold being loved by such a person? How can he not be overwhelmed? he has to look away. Edwin is too bright.

And that takes us to TWO: He's gone and made Edwin love him, somehow. How did he do it? How did he slip up, make a mistake like that? What in him had been loveable? What had drawn Edwin in? And can't Edwin see how dangerous he is to love?

Now that Edwin's found something in him worthy of even more love than all the love he already gave him - something to be in love with - now Charles has doomed him. How doesn't Edwin see that? He's looking at Charles like he sees him in some sort of transcendental way, like Charles has the answer to every question Edwin could ever ask, and Charles doesn't even know how to answer the most basic one: He has no idea how to be in love back. Where to start. How can Edwin trust him with his heart when Charles hardly trusts himself?

How can the universe gift Charles with Edwin's love?

[weirdkpopgirl]

Romance | Haechan Imagine #10

Title: Romance

Genre: Fluff

Warnings: kind of cheesy, mildly suggestive

Word Count: 583

Author's Note: I've been rewatching Scarlet Heart Ryeo, and I suppose it inspired me to write this little scenario for Haechan. I've been meaning to post something for him for awhile now. So I'm glad I finally got the chance to. Hope you guys like it and thank you for reading ^ ^

─❀*̥˚─❀*̥˚─❀*̥˚─❀*̥˚─❀*̥˚─❀*̥˚─❀*̥˚─❀*̥˚─❀*̥˚─❀*̥˚─❀*̥˚─

You weren’t sure how late in the night it was, but you didn’t really care. Right now, you were content with snuggling under a blanket with your boyfriend, your faces illuminated by the soft glow of the TV screen. You had nearly jumped up in excitement when you finally convinced Haechan to watch Scarlet Heart Ryeo with you. It was a drama you had been urging him to watch for ages, but it didn't take long for him to become engrossed in the series as well.

The episode you were watching had reached a particularly emotional scene, where the main characters Hae Soo and Wang So shared a tender moment under the moonlight. Even though it was just a show, the genuine love between them was palpable. You could see it in their eyes. A love that was so sincere and intense that you couldn’t help but sigh wistfully.

Haechan’s eyes flickered from the television to you who was leaning on his shoulder. “What’s with the sigh?” 

As he asked, another sigh escaped involuntarily. Without tearing your eyes away from the screen, you replied, “I kind of wish I had a romance like theirs.”

“Are you not satisfied with ours?” he asked, slightly amused.

You glanced at him, catching the hint of teasing in his voice. A smile crept your own lips as your fingers remained intertwined with his. “Well, I mean, it’s so dramatic and passionate. They go through so much, yet their love remains steadfast.”

A glint of mischief flashed over Haechan’s eyes as a playful smirk tugged at the corners of his lips. He leaned in closer, leaving little distance between you. The close proximity quickly made your cheeks flush with heat.

“I can give you that kind of romance,” he said confidently.

You raised an eyebrow, intrigued by his comment. But before you could say anything more, he captured your lips with his in a sudden, passionate kiss. His movements were smooth, his hand cupping your cheek with a gentle yet firm touch. Your initial surprise melted away as you closed your eyes and kissed him back, your hands finding their way to his shoulder.

Suddenly the drama faded into the background, leaving only the two of you and the crackling energy of the moment. Haechan’s kisses always had this warmth that made you feel all fuzzy on the inside. The tenderness of his lips moving against yours conveyed just how precious you were to him.

By the time you finally broke apart, the both of you were breathless. Haechan rested his forehead against yours, his eyes sparkling with affection.

“How was that for a start?” he whispered.

You laughed softly, still blushing profusely. “Hmm, I think you might be onto something,” you teased, trying to hide the racing of your heart.

“Good,” he said, his thumb gently tracing your cheek. “Because I plan on giving you a romance that’s better than any drama. One with its own epic moments and unforgettable memories.”

His words were playful, but you could hear the sincerity in them. You smiled, feeling a warmth spread through your chest.

“I think I’m already living it,” you whispered back, leaning in another kiss, this one softer but no less filled with love.

One thing you knew for sure, was that no k-drama could compare to the romance you and Haechan had. 

─❀*̥˚─❀*̥˚─❀*̥˚─❀*̥˚─❀*̥˚─❀*̥˚─❀*̥˚─❀*̥˚─❀*̥˚─❀*̥˚─❀*̥˚─

previous masterlist -> current masterlist

[delyth88]

X-Men rewatch 6

X-Men: Dark Phoenix. I hadn't seen this one either. That might have been a good thing.

Okay. I think filmmakers should be banned from telling this particular story ever again.

I mean I guess this wasn't awful from a general movie point of view, but from a fan and character point of it really went in to destroy, didn't it? Like, I now have an unpleasant taste in my mouth. It took what I had come to love and just broke it.

Sigh.

I can't say I wasn't warned.

But this is unlikely to get a rewatch for a looong time if ever.

Both films that have tried this storyline have sucked. Not being a comics reader I wasn't sure which parts were fundamental to the story, so going into this one was a bit like Russian roulette - which characters are going to die this time? Given I'm now a certified Charles Xavier fan I am selfishly glad it wasn't him this time, but Raven? That was totally unnecessary. (As a Loki fan I am completely allergic to killing off beloved characters for shock value and to make your new big bad look more powerful. Just stop it. Okay?)

But beyond that, what I hated the most about this was how they twisted everyone just a little too far in to the evil mirror universe. *rolls eyes*

It was rather excruciating to watch Charles talk of superheroes and later be cut off by the president. Which I can only assume was there to make sure the audience knew that the other's were right about how he was being overconfident and putting people in harms way, and... I'm not exactly sure what else. The moments where this thread worked best for me were when it was more personal conversations. (Although the kitchen scene with Hank just seemed out of almost nowhere.) Jean's conversations with Charles I thought worked better - we could see how it looked from both sides and how Charles genuinely thought he was doing the best thing for Jean. I truly thought she was going to kill him again, so it gave me hope that he go through to her in that moment.

It's a shame Raven wasn't around to have a heart to heart with Charles. I think that would have been enlightening. And Hank seemed to change so abruptly that it didn't feel convincing.

Perhaps if it had been a couple of years for me between Apocalypse and Dark Phoenix it might have seemed more natural. But coming directly after three movies that had a really strong bond between the characters to this, I really felt I was missing some backstory here.

Thinking about this I've also realised there weren't any moments in this that felt like there was as much of a connection between the characters as the first few. Each one of those had at least one knock out moment for me between Charles and Erik, and sometimes the others.

Although, I did feel the weight of the world building and the previous films when Charles tells Erik that if they fight here on the streets of New York they will have lost what they've been working for. It has been so much work to get to a world where they are not feared and hunted, and the exchange with the guard and Nightcrawler in the transport about how the guard's kid had looked up to him hit home. :( And then we watch them tear it apart. But somehow it didn't ring as true to me as the other key decision points in the previous films. I had been thinking to myself that they had had remarkably believable motivations for each of the characters for their actions, and the scale of them, up until this film. :/ I dunno. There was just something missing.

Maybe it was that the key relationship this time was between Charles and Jean, but it just was as strong as the one between him and Erik that has been the foundation for the last three films.

And now, help me out here. What actually happened at the end? Did Charles just decide to retire and leave the school? Did he just feel too guilty? Did he feel he needed to leave because he had gotten too above himself? Was he pushed out? Is he homeless now? Or did they just rename the school in Jean's honour and he's stepped away from the day to workings of it, but is still welcome there? Did Erik just offer to help him move the his island? I'm not clear. Whatever it was he clearly was unhappy about things, but I WANT TO KNOW MORE! lol

I thought it was interesting that Erik really did seem to have settled down to live a peaceful life. I appreciated how he was prepared to defend his people, and then help the authorities escape. And here again, I think it really needed to have hit home harder that Raven was dead, because it just didn't seem to work for me that he was so dead set on killing Jean.

Still, I did enjoy seeing them all working together on the train.

I did appreciate Charles eventually acknowledged he'd done the wrong thing by Jean to Hank and the others on the train, and there did seem to be some sort of redemption for him through Jean's forgiveness. But not fully, maybe only not from himself. I don't know.

I missed the light and energy of the Charles from the previous films.

I do wonder if that's part of the formula for the X-Men - the contrast between Charles and Erik. The continual hope for something better from Charles, and Erik's quest for vengeance. And when you disrupt that balance the line goes slack. Here Charles took on too much of the darkness, and there was no-one left pulling in that direction anymore.

Y'know, if Raven had been injured such that Jean thought she'd been killed but had survived and then been able to have that conflict with Charles I think that would have been more satisfying. She could have been fighting for the family she loved and the ideals they had originally set up the school on. I think to have seen her, the person who has always been sceptical of hope and seeing the good in people, going up against Charles and being the example of what he used to be before he got too carried away would have been more powerful. And then her and events bringing him back to the place he needed to be.

Maybe this was meant to be a lesson on becoming too entitled and arrogant. But the resolution sucked.

Hmmm... what else can I say.

Oh yeah. The weird aliens. I don't really want to say this, but I think they needed more screen time. lol They felt like such a side plot. Who were they? Why did they want to take over earth if they could just use the power of the pink space lights to terraform Mars or any other planet? Did the blond one have enough of the power from Jean to do that? She certainly seemed to have significant power of some sort after Jean transferred some of it. All in all they didn't spend enough time on them for me to care about them or feel any sort of sympathy towards their cause. They may as well have been a random natural phenomenon.

Oh yeah. Her Dad sure seemed to be a jerk. And again that shouldn't have felt that way to me.

So yeah. A very unsatisfying film.

[girlmeetsworldismyeverything]

what do you think of the whole maya having «turned in to» riley thing?? do u think there is truth in that, or do you think she just changed on her own and people started implying that her growth was just the copycat effect of being around riley so much?? ive never really been sure what i think of that whole thing!?! i feel like it might be a mix of both, but that they were wayyyyy to dramamtic about her not being «herself» anymore, like people change, thats what we do, it doesn’t always mean we have «lost ourselves» like they told maya she had. what do you think? 💖💖💖💖💖

Hello! Thank you for sending this, because there’s a lot to be said, so let’s get into it! 

 

To answer your question, it’s a mixture of yes and no. The reason why I say yes is because, if you can, rewatch girl meets world of terror 2. The scene where riley and maya empty their brains (that whole animation scene), it really tells a lot without explicitly saying it. Maya’s head was full of rileys, “don’t do this” “be like me”, and whatever else she said (it’s been a while since I’ve seen it). But that is why I say yes. This triangle situation was really taking an emotional toll on Maya, and she needed someone to just give her a little nudge back to who she was after girl meets hurricane. She just needs someone to restore the hope in her, and the hope that everything would turn out how it was supposed to. However, the only person who could do that (*cough* Lucas *cough*) was off figuring out his own feelings and he wasn’t able to see Maya’s crisis in time. By the time he realized what was happening, Maya was back in Mayaville and she wouldn’t listen to him, hence why she stepped back from him in girl meets true maya. The only person who was around was Riley and even though it was unintentional on her part, she pushed Maya back into who she’s always seen, which is a Maya who is upset with herself because she thinks she’s the reason why her father left, someone who didn’t have hope, and that’s not who Maya was anymore. Riley couldn’t see that because she wasn’t in a place where she could actually see that she and Lucas weren’t the end all, be all. That there was a chance that Lucas and Maya had something real, and that the feelings she thought she had for Lucas were actually for someone else (can you guess who? Lol).

The reason why I say no is because in girl meets triangle, when maya’s crisis is in full effect, she’s still thinking about the decision that has to be made and that they need to include Lucas because he’s a part of it. However, Riley doesn’t want to hear it because she’s not ready. I fully believe that the triangle dragged as long as it did because Riley wasn’t ready, Maya wanted to make sure Riley was happy, and Lucas didn’t want to hurt either of the girls, plus he was still figuring out his feelings for each of them. Like I said before, Maya was emotionally stuck, because she was worried about Riley, while also trying to deal with her deep feelings for Lucas. I don’t know if she realized how deep her feelings actually were, but we all could see that her feelings were very different from Riley’s. So, she was going through all of that, and trying to hang on to the hope she got since the middle-to end of season 2. That’s a lot to go through emotionally, so she did go a bit into rileytown, her hair and outfits say so. But she wasn’t as far in as Riley thinks she was. She never “became riley”, she was still very herself, just with hope and confidence (plus a new wardrobe, curtesy of Shawn). 

Michael Jacobs called season 3 the “season of feelings”. Seasons 1 and 2 were friendship and growth. Riley and Maya’s friendship wouldn’t have survived if Lucas and Maya got together before Riley was ready. Like Cory said, “feelings can tear apart friendship and growth”. At the end of the day, girl meets world was about Riley, Maya, and their friendship. Since Riley wasn’t near the level of growth Maya was at, it was unfortunately Maya’s growth that had to be diminished to save the friendship. But the best part about growth is that it can be restored, which we started to see in girl meets IDo. And who helped lead Maya down that path again? The same person who helped her gain hope, and if we would’ve gotten our season 4, we would’ve continued to see that growth. 

Also, if you realized it, Riley did start to grow during the back half of season 3. Because after ski lodge, what happened with Riley and Lucas’ relationship? Barely anything right? That’s because as Michael Jacobs said, in ski lodge part 2, the characters made the “wrong decisions”. That means that by Lucas choosing Riley, he made the wrong decision. Now how would we know how a character makes the right decision, look at girl meets goodbye. When Topanga was trying to figure out what to do about London, Eric told her to find her quiet place, which turned out to be Topanga’s. She sat there and made the right decision, which was to stay. Now, another character also sat in a quiet place to think about a decision. Can you guess who it was? 

Lucas! 

In girl meets upstate, he went to the bay window to wait for the girls to tell them his decision, and he sat there for quote “5 hours”. Who did he decide on? We never got to find out because maya didn’t give him the chance to, but given the context, the answer was Maya. Topanga was able to say what her decision was, Lucas didn’t, and in turn he wasn’t given the chance to say the right decision (Maya) and therefore made the wrong decision (Riley). 

Now getting back to what I had said earlier, in the back half of season 3, Riley and Lucas barely interacted. That was because (and remember, this is just based on my observation), since Lucas and Riley had pushed one another to the level of growth that they could, they couldn’t help each other anymore. They needed other people (Maya and Farkle respectively), to push them further. Riley didn’t realize it yet, but she was starting to outgrow Lucas and if we got our fourth season, we would’ve seen Riley realize that Lucas wasn’t who she made him to be, and she then would’ve looked back at everything and seen that while her intentions were good, she was wrong about a lot, and from there, would’ve been on her own journey of growth. 

I know this post got out of hand, but there is a lot of complexity to these characters. But I hope this helped answer your question, and please feel free to ask me again, if you need clarification on anything I’ve said!

[the5n00k]

M*A*S*H and the power of pure unadulterated sorrow

(this series is marketed primarily as a comedy! :D what a scam! /hj)

⚠️long post⚠️

I want to point out one of my favorite aspects of this series which is how different it presents its drama compared to other shows marketed as dramas that I've seen. ESPECIALLY modern film

The last movie I can remember portraying this sheer level of raw grief and despair was Hereditary. Such a powerful film about how grief can tear a family apart, it's honestly uncomfortable to sit through because of how well written and acted some of the scenes with the family are. And that's the point; tragedy isn't pretty. So many times you will see characters die on screen and the actors around them reacting to it with a single tear or burying their face into their stone cold main protagonist's shoulder. I have been craving that Hereditary level of despair from something for a long time now. That raw emotional breakdown that completely shatters the mask of a usually well put together facade.

Then my friends recommended M*A*S*H to me.

Yes you can make all the "crying breakfast friends" jokes you want about how often I latch onto a heart wrenching emotional moment in a show but I can't help it when it's so well executed. I can see a million silly Disney sidekicks die and feel nothing but this show has made me cry even on rewatch. And that is RARE for me, usually it's a one and done thing but this show still manages to tear me to pieces.

Not saying the show doesn't have any fun in it, of course it does, that's how the emotional moments hit harder. If you never saw the characters at their highest highs, seeing them at their lowest would just become numbing and unengaging.

Spoilers ahead obviously, I'm going to be talking about a lot of really important character moments throughout the show please if you are at all interested watch the show and come back. It's 11 seasons but it's well worth your time

Something that has always been powerful to me has been grown men crying. Perhaps it's because I never really had a good emotional connection with any men in my life and always saw them as stronger (emotionally) than someone who is erratically emotional like myself. Especially during the timeframe this is set (the 50's) and shot in (70's-80's) I was not anticipating the level of raw acting talent from the guys in this show. Especially once you get past season 4 and shit really starts hitting the fan

To see these grown men who take so much pride in their important positions as doctors and men and who they are just break down weeping like a scared child. It never ceased to break something in me. I cried the hardest at the amnesiac soldier who lost his brother (FANTASTIC scene it should have won 60 awards) but the two characters that have always stood out to me with this particular subject have been Hawkeye and BJ

Clearly if you've watched the entire show you understand what I'm talking about and obviously the other cast members have their moments (Winchester my beloved one day I will put you under a microscope and pick you apart) but for this subject, I'm going to use the two of them as examples because I consider these moments the most prominent to me personally

I'll start with BJ because there's a lot to unpack with him and simultaneously not a lot at the same time. Because he's so closed off and disconnected from most things happening all the time, choosing to opt out of anything whenever he can unless provoked, characters don't really know that much about him. As an audience, you're forced to pick apart his little mannerisms and priorities to see where his head's at. Some people might not like that but frankly I love it. He's a simple character on the surface but underneath, he's a terrified father and husband trying to keep his head down long enough to snap out of the nightmare that is war and wake up at home. I relate to him in that way, just trying to stay in my own corner and occupy myself until I have to wake up and do it all over again. Coping with the monotony is slowly driving him crazy

Then in Period of Adjustment, he gets a letter from his wife about how she and their daughter Erin saw Radar at the airport when he got sent home. And his thin thread of stability finally snaps. He's pissy for the entire day and doesn't want to tell anyone why, he'd rather just go through the motions and repress it just like everything else. But it keeps outwardly affecting everything around him whether he likes it or not. Then, at his lowest, he physically assaults his best friend in their own tent and destroys their only lifeline, the still they use to (poorly) make gin, and runs out.

After getting so intoxicated he can't stand up, Hawkeye finally finds him again and laughs that he's wearing a helmet to see him, still trying to make light of how much he's suffering. He tells him he's sorry for punching him and Hawkeye sits down with him. He finally is completely and truly honest for probably the only time in the entire series. He is completely vulnerable and open and tells him what's been bothering him. His infant daughter mistakenly called Radar her dad. The first person she ever called dad wasn't him. And he breaks down. He barely got to see her when she was born before he got drafted, he missed so many milestones of parenthood with her already and she ends up calling someone else dad. BJ tells Hawkeye he is furious at Radar and knows it's not his fault but he's still jealous. He even mentions how he's envious of Trapper, Hawkeye's old bunkmate from before he got there, which is still a huge sore point for him because of how abrupt his departure was. But he doesn't reprimand him for speaking badly about two people he'd considered close friends. He holds him closer and lets him cry. This isn't a single tear cry, this is a full vulnerability twisted face cry of pure pain. He can't say anything to ease the pain either, nothing he could say right now could help his friend. He just has to let him work through it.

They rebuilt the still together but BJ still remains broken. This is sort of touched on in Goodbye, Farewell, and Amen when he tries to get sent home before Erin's second birthday and misses it. It's not held on but you can obviously tell that he's still barely holding onto mental stability whenever he brings up his family. If you go into this series thinking every conflict has a resolution or closure of some kind I have bad news for you lol it's safe to assume when he went home, there was a rough adjustment period reclaiming his place in the house since Peg took on so much responsibility by herself but we don't really know what happened after everyone went home.

My next example is from Bless You, Hawkeye and I always rag on this episode with my friends but the scene between him and Sidney physically shook me. Everybody probably talks about That One Scene with Hawkeye and Sidney from GFA so I'll refrain from using it as an example here, I think this one is more appropriate for the point I'm trying to make anyways.

Hawkeye has never been mature. At all. His entire character is built on being obnoxious and causing trouble. Unlike BJ, he will share nearly anything about him when asked. Except when it's serious.

In comes everyone's favorite coping mechanism, ✨ unconscious repression! ✨

Again, a part of his character that got used again in GFA, whenever something upsets him in a way he can't manage, he buries it. He rewrites the memory into something happy or positive. So when a wounded soldier soaked in dirty water smelling of mold and musty clothing triggered a psychosomatic response, nobody knew why.

Processing scenes like this is something I remember so vividly from my first watch. Seeing all the pieces fall into place until that sinking feeling fills you is something this show is so good at.

Hawkeye starts talking to Sidney about something from his childhood; being out on a lake with his cousin Billy when he was seven. He claims Billy saved his life by pulling him out of the water but the more he talks, the more his story changes. It gets to a point where even he realizes he wasn't saved. He was pushed. Billy had to have been around 13 at the time, old enough to know how mean pulling something like that is. The way he admits it is when the gravity really sank in for me. His voice breaks, he starts loudly and violently sobbing like a scared child, he's probably been holding in this breakdown for 20ish years. In any other show, I could see them trying to play this for laughs. Oh Hawkeye, you shouldn't be so upset by a silly prank from when you were a kid! Look at this grown man break down! What a baby! But they don't treat it like that. It's treated completely seriously, it's allowed to play out and he slowly works through grief for someone he idolized in his childhood, anger, and acknowledgement. It was a permanent scar that wasn't allowed to heal.

This wasn't the first time in the series Hawkeye has cried but it was the first time he truly let it out. Every other time he knew he'd have to pick himself up, dust himself off, and keep going. I'm not certain if he properly processed anything he went through in Korea because he kept (pardon my language here) drowning himself in alcohol and burying himself in work and antics. So his eventual breakdown just. Getting it all out in one gutteral, primal cry, borderline screaming was cathartic for both him as a character and myself personally. Very rarely do I ever get a moment to have an emotional release like this so I also bury myself further into my job and hobbies until I can't feel what's bothering me anymore. His man's father better have booked him therapy when he got home because I know for damn sure this jackass won't do it himself

Overall, I'll say it again, the actors in this show are insane. None of the emotions felt cheap and the way the characters are written feels accurate to how most people approached the horrors of war and the mental health crises that followed. I'm so happy this show exists. I'm a little disappointed in myself that it's taken me this long to give it a chance but I love it nonetheless. I'll make a post about the characters specifically sometime like I said I would, I just want to make sure I do everyone justice and I'm not just repeating what everyone already knows. I want to add to this wonderful community that I'm happy to see is still active on this app/site and I hope you all enjoy my ramblings lmao there is more where this came from

[thesoftboiledegg]

Overall, Full Meta Jackrick was decent. I liked it. It's not a personal favorite, but I won't mind it when I eventually rewatch the series. I just had the same problem with this episode that I did with the previous installment, Never Ricking Morty: it's not bad, but it's just...there? Meta episodes don't go anywhere because they CAN'T go anywhere. They're just twenty minutes of "Check it out, we're characters in a TV show!"

Still, I think this episode did a decent job of leaning into the meta without ruining the show. I was a little worried that Morty would realize that he's in a TV show and the entire universe would fall apart as he and Rick deconstruct everything, and then we'd have to act like nothing happened in the next episode. Luckily, Full Meta Jackrick didn't push the show's boundaries too far.

But yeah, I thought this episode was a little...pointless? It avoided cliches for the most part, but it also didn't say anything new. It wasn't a groundbreaking deconstruction of Rick and Morty or TV shows as a whole. It was just another take on the "Rick knows that he's in a TV show" concept, which isn't necessarily a bad thing, but it left me going "What was the point of that?"

The episode looked like it might have an anti-capitalist message with the Rick plushies, but that didn't really go anywhere, either. However, that might be a good thing--a preachy statement would've weighed down the episode even if I agree with it.

Full Meta Jackrick had a little more substance than Never Ricking Morty because at least we watched "our" Rick and Morty go on an adventure. I enjoyed watching an episode with just the two of them again. Their dynamic is brilliant--EVERYTHING that Rick and Morty do together is entertaining.

The first half of season six was great, but the episodes felt a little "off" because Morty didn't have much to do in most of them. Now, he's finally stepping back into the protagonist role.

Bringing back Story Lord (and Jesus) and writing a follow-up to Never Ricking Morty in general is a little gutsy and unexpected, which I can respect. Did anyone think that we'd ever hear anything about that train again? Never Ricking Morty isn't particularly loved or reviled--it's just an experimental episode that we probably would've forgotten about if it didn't foreshadow the season five Birdrick reveal.

For me, Full Meta Jackrick is a slightly better version of Never Ricking Morty because it's canon and has a more cohesive storyline. Full Meta Jackrick, like all of season six, also has great callbacks to the first couple of seasons. They never feel pandering or like they're trying to trigger your nostalgia--instead, they poke fun at the series itself and show you that the writers really care about this universe.

I also thought that this might've been the funniest episode of the season. Gotta be honest, guys--I normally roll my eyes when people say "Rick and Morty isn't funny anymore blah blah," but season six is the first season where I'm like "Yeah, the jokes haven't been great." But this episode had a lot of funny lines.

We did get some great character moments with Rick and Morty. Rick's still Rick: he's lazy, crabby, selfish and rude. But he's gentler with Morty, too. He treats him like a person and partner (in crime) instead of hoarsely shouting at him. He looks out for him and gives him his lab coat when they're freezing--boy, THAT'S been a fandom staple for nearly a decade.

This might be a stretch, but the scene in the garage caught my attention, too. Rick gently turns on Morty's goggles for him--you know, like an actual grandfather--instead of telling him to do it and then yelling that he's too slow or whatever.

This is seriously the fanservice season. Rick in a suit and tie yet again, Rick draping his lab coat over a shivering Morty, Rick tearing off his clothes to reveal that he's jacked underneath (I guess he's still working on those abs? lol.) The new writers' influence is so blatant, and I don't think most of us are complaining.

And we saw Rick's favorite thing yet again: crystals. 💎✨ (Well, ore.) Someone needs to give him $100 and cut him loose in a New Age store for a couple of hours.

I also want to note how much I love Justin Roiland's voice acting. Rick's voice is so complex and reflects his character development brilliantly. I hate how people dismiss Justin Roiland as a shouty guy who burps and yells into the microphone. Honestly, I don't hear Justin Roiland at all when Rick speaks--I just hear Rick.

Overall, Full Meta Jackrick was a decent return to the show after the six-week break. Those "Rick is a nihilist" YouTube videos need to go away forever because this episode's theme could have been "Nothing matters, we're just cartoon characters, blah blah," but it wasn't. Instead, Rick tells Morty that his life matters, and he looks at the audience as he says it.

[seth-burroughs]

mdarc chapter 1 rewatch part 4 let's goooooo gamersss

halara is here. "i have no obligation to help others, but i work sincerely according to the payment i receive" "to believe in another is the shallowest concept one can uphold" yes halara as you should. striking them with the npd hammer

ok so i stopped doing this for like a week or two because lammergeiers swarmed my apartment and started tearing out my bones and eating them in front of me. really sad story. anyway i heard seth literally appears just next scene aint that something huh

watching the sidequests needless to say yomi brain is very uncomfortable rn

seh

why the fuck did he bring flowers. somebody make a 40 paragraph essay on why he showed up with a fucking bouquette at his house

i missed the jp pronunciation of their names. sezu barozu. yomi herusumairu. suwaro electro. halara nightomero

everybody else in the game either has some sort of odd unusual name combos and then theres seth burroughs of the british isles

awkward and bitter exes forced to look at each other for the first time since the divorce in which yakou took the kids and then lost them at castorama shortly after

i might have been joking but why the fuck do they talk like exes. hey what the fuck is this scene

return of the megaphone. i forgot he has a megaphone because my memory is comparable to the warrior cats writing team

that was the loudest crunchiest fucking sigh i ever heard i am wheezing. everybody stop whatever youre doing go search for the jp dub mdarc playthrough of this scene you need to listen to this shit

i love seth's shit eating grin. i wish for nothing more than to smash his skull against the wall repeatedly in a romantic sense

"this flower... its beautiful, isnt it?" there is something deeply wrong with you. find jesus

i cannot with this fucking exchange. i cannot. i cannot. this is fucked. seth is a fucked up character. i am so fucking scared. wiki help me

this laugh is so fucked up too. also through this entire conversation i feel like a child that is forced to witness their parents fighting in the living room

bye seth that was an ethereal experience and i will now go to sleep aware that i am from this moment on apparently sexually attracted to all Makoto, Fake Zilch, Martina and Seth now and I got no idea on what to do about it to be honest i shall uhh make up a strategy in my bed gettinh all cozy and shit or something

My biggest accomplishment of today was to stand up for a few minutes to get zoomies then resume being too tired to function

[whimsicallyenchantedrose]

Season 3 Rewatch Drabbles: 3x16 It's not Easy Being Green

Note: I don't know who created the above gif. If you're the creator, reach out to me, and I'll add an attribution.

Summary:  A series of 100-500 word drabbles to accompany my    rewatch of season 3 of Once Upon a Time.  There will be a drabble–either a deleted scene, a “fix it” fic or a character musing for each episode of the season.  Focus will be on Emma, Henry, the Charmings and Killian–with an emphasis on Captain Swan’s epic love story.

Word Count: 649

Other Chapters: (1) (2) (3) (4) (5) (6) (7) (8) (9) (10) (11) (12) (13) (14) (15) (16) (17) (19) (20) (21) (22) (23) (24) (25) (26) (27) (28)

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Emotions swirled within her that evening as she heard the knock at her door at the B&B and opened to find her son and Killian–windswept, smiling, excited–standing before her.  So many emotions, she wondered how they could all exist within one person and not tear her apart.

Grief over Neal’s death, anger over the Zelena for causing it, frustration that they’d survived the recent encounter but still been thoroughly trounced, relief that her son at least was safe and happy, something like butterflies at the very sight of Killian, guilt that she might, possibly, perhaps, in some small way feel….something…for him.  Not love of course!  Couldn’t be that, but…something.  But yes guilt that she could feel anything for someone else when Neal had just died, anger at Neal for his bull-headed stupidity in getting himself killed.

Yes, all of that, but above all, an overwhelming desire to run.  A part of her deep inside knew things were more complicated now, that she couldn’t just run back to New York, to the good life she’d thought she had, and forget about all of this–Storybrooke, magic, being the savior, her family, Henry’s family. Killian.  But the fact that she knew that was the case didn’t make the desire lessen.

Why, why, why couldn’t she just have an ordinary life?  A peaceful one?  One where she didn’t have to worry about some sadistic green witch turning her son into a flying monkey?  One where she could have an ordinary job (albeit one with more than a little danger and unpredictability)?  One where she could have a perfectly ordinary (even if kind of boring) man to love?

He was lying to you.  He was really just another one of Zelena’s flying monkeys, the honest part of her that she could never completely drown out pointed out helpfully.

And there it was.  Even her happy, ordinary life was an illusion.  But she’d built a happy, normal life for herself and Henry.  She could do it again, and she could put all of this behind her.

At least so she told herself when she was alone, when Killian wasn’t standing in front of her looking at her like that–like he knew her, really knew her to her core and loved her anyway.  It was terrifying.

“How did the queen fare against the witch?” Killian asked as soon as Henry disappeared into their room.

“She survived, but the rest is definitely more than a doorway conversation,” she said a little dismissively.  But Killian deserved more than that.  He deserved at least a little gratitude.  “Thanks for taking him.”

Killian smiled wistfully.  “There’s more Bae in your boy than you realize,” he said sadly.  

She could see it in his eyes, hear it in his voice.  It was easy to forget–especially after the idiots the two of them made of themselves over her in Neverland, but Killian cared for Neal too, mourned him too. She prepared to say something comforting, something to let him know she understood and was there for him like he’d been there for her, but then he continued and touched on the heart of the issue.

“He needs to know about his father, Emma,” he said gently but firmly. “You can’t just take him back to New York when this is over and pretend like none of this is real.”

The fear, guilt and need to run bubbled up again, and she knew she couldn’t deal with this any more tonight. 

And so she ran.  Rather than answer, she smiled sadly, said good night and disappeared into her room.  One day, probably one day soon, she’d need to confront the truth of what he’d said, but that day was not today.  Today she just needed to shut him out, listen to her son gush about the fun he’d had with Killian, and pretend like normal was still possible.

NEXT CHAPTER->

[lurkingteapot]

Last Twilight ภาพนายไม่เคยลืม Ep 9

This episode was a LOT. I found myself thinking "wait, if this is episode nine, what's going to happen in episode 11?!" but then I thought, well, if we compare the structure of Last Twilight to Bad Buddy (which I invariably do because those are the two 12-ep-shows of P'Aof's that I've watched), this is the … hit a snag, get past it, hit a LARGER snag part of the story arc, isn't it. I thoroughly enjoyed myself.

Liveblog:

guys, can you not make a scene at someone else's wedding??

so Night, what, caused the accident?

did Day see something he shouldn't have?

okay this is … like. I see why Night would blame himself, and it's convenient for Day to blame Night, but. It's not Night's fault. It's like … sure, this might not have happened if Night hadn't had to throw up, but that doesn't mean it's Night's fault? When he got in that car, I honestly worried he might've drunkenly thought it'd be funny to hold Day's eyes closed or something, but this? Day, I know you were on a toll road or something, but even so I was yelling at my screen for you to pull over from the second Night made the first retchy noise. And for Day to resent him for getting out of it with his sight intact and with, y'know, character growth? that's … unfortunately realistic but also. Oh Day. Oh Night. Boys.

OH wow so Day has that much insight at least?

he said เด็กเดียว there, right?? gotta rewatch and check

wow Day WOW you've got some things to work through here

the "sorry" bit is food for a LOT of "ways in which siajai and sorry aren't identical" commentary and I once again salute GMM's translation team

OHHH good job apologising

oh so she didn't start out rich and famous? sorry for misjudging, P'Mon

love these not-so-subtle "travel to southern Thailand, we have great food" plugs here

oh not AGAIN with the product placement

the way Day looks, I bet this smells the same

a museum?

an ARTIST so that's why the hair?

Day, you're an ass, you realise right?

I mean it does sorta feel like he's just hanging on to all the resentment towards Night so he doesn't have to deal with the fact that it was random and could've happened in a million different ways?

ahaha see! Long hair = artist!

oh I love the angle they shot this from here

is Pla teaching Mawk to make southern food??

is Mawk gonna move on to actually being a chef, too? is there anything he can't do? (for real though I love that Mawk is getting to see that there's options for him)

are they both gonna move South in the end?

you can SEE him thinking about whether to ask if there'll be a next time

HAH

… so much for three months, huh

I love the touristy stuff in these few eps

the music is creepy af

OH

random white guy a named David

phuak-you GOD I love neopronouns

Cherry Guest, huh

adfasdfads the MANY FIRSTS convo, what a BBS ep 11 parallel (sobbing)

there we gooooo

you're so far apart, boys, c'mon

THAT'S MORE LIKE IT

(I have many thoughts on the way they set up this scene in regards to Day's agency, none of them coherent, and just. Good job folks.)

I LOVE them oh they're cute

Mawk already trying to start something again 😂

I love how they keep making a point in how there's no knowing the ending before it ends

kinda re: point a few minutes back, but it's wonderful how Mawk has … idk, Mawk has seen he has talents and OPTIONS (which is something I don't feel like he really ever felt he had) which allow him to risk his current job in order to take Day to see the last twilight on Mt Khuha

Mawk is so annoyed by the weather's non-cooperation, I love him so much

honestly I love the view as is, but I also get Mawk's disappointment/upset

oh I love this

it feels very final episode-y though which WORRIES me

is he gonna bring this back to not having seen Mawk's body-- yeah

"last picture" that's a theme song call back

oh Mawk, so touched, huh

ilu Jimmy but you're still not the best at pretending to cry, though I guess the smiling through tears is pretty close

annnd that's it, his sight has gone, huh

I know the blocking probably is done for ~reasons but I still wish they'd moved closer to each other here

oh no, the preview REALLY worries me

I'm so glad my hunch that Night didn't actually actively do anything to make Day resent him that much played out as correct. Now for shit to hit the fan next week when their mum gets involved.

[true-blue-sonic]

what's the first sonic thought that comes to your mind right now? not necessarily espilver, just anything. i'm kinda curious

The ending of Sonic Rush, after I gave it some thought. I rewatched it for this ask, and it actually starts quite somber, which I find an interesting contrast with the altogether cheery Raisin' Me Up and its sweet, assuring lyrics. Blaze concedes she must leave because having the Chaos and Sol Emeralds in the same world will cause a crisis, and she and Sonic talk about how Cream will miss her and how Blaze finds it appropriate she leaves the way she came: as a stranger to all. Blaze's sprite is a bit closed off, with her eyes shut and a hand pressed on her hip, compared to Sonic's open-eyed look and more lax posing.

And I think Blaze really had not expected Sonic to come in and give her advice! At least, that is how I interpret the little moment where he says "Wait." with the ... afterwards and Blaze's "...!" as reaction, and Sonic saying that an unseen "that" is from him. The recollections of what Sonic apparently told Blaze that play once Blaze is in the Sol Dimension again are, if I remember correctly, not seen in the game proper. Thus, I figure his speech about how everything is fine as long as he's got the Chaos Emeralds must be spoken in that prior moment. Though I do find it strange, as Sonic's normal sprite is used instead of one of his Super Sonic ones. But I'm the fool who needed literally years to figure out that Cream gets kidnapped in the cutscene of Sonic and Blaze making up after their boss battle in Blaze's story, so what do I know, haha.

Afterwards, we get the handshake: I think it is a great showcase of everything Blaze has learned about friendship and trusting others that she is the one who both moves closer first and holds out her hand first. Interestingly, Sonic moves closer to her more quickly and shakes her hand with much more vigour than she held it out, and he's also the one who adds a second hand to hold on just a bit longer as their respective dimensions tear them apart. But Blaze seems to be the one who reaches back to him more... wanting? Yearning, maybe? As that happens, whereas Sonic's left hand actually drops down and his right hand stays outstretched basically the same way for the whole scene, compared to Blaze reaching back extra. With Sonic seeming the most confident about the two of them meeting once more ("I'll see you, again!" contrasted with Blaze's more quiet "Yes... Again..."), it might make sense that Blaze is the one who wants to stay with the two of them just a bit longer. And after that and Blaze thinking back to what Sonic told her, we get this altogether adorable sprite of her:

I consider Rush's sprite-work truly something else, I love it. This post kind of is a bit all over the place, but I think the ending of Rush is a perfect culmination of everything Blaze has learned over the course of the game. And Sonic is just an altogether sweetheart: he's supportive, he sees what is actually going on with Blaze, her past, and her powers, he understands this is why she acts the way she does, he knows she means well at heart, and he helps her learn about and embrace the love others hold for her. I wouldn't say Rush's storymode is perfect (I would argue Amy and Knuckles got the short end of the stick somewhat when it comes to their characterisations), but it's just... sweet! For me, it's truly a sweet, lift-me-up kind of game, and the ending could not showcase better Blaze's growth and Sonic's amazing personality to me.

Not entirely related to this post, but now I'm actually thinking about Sonic '06, and the similarities between Silver's and Blaze's separation there compared to Sonic's and Blaze's in Rush. Because I find it really interesting that in the former, Blaze also is the one who reaches back to the person she is leaving! It's with her left hand instead of her right, but I wonder if it means something more? Was it an intentional callback to Rush, perhaps?

[tagalongifyoudare]

Hi, the ending of episode 5 of season 2 made me think about your fic. 

The chapter from Simon's POV when he ask "can you kiss me before we come back to not touching each other?" 

The situation is different but the feelings seems similar for Simon. They are not together yet. He decided to go to the police and they both don't know what will happen to them. He wants Wille so much and at the same time it may be the last time they are with each other like that. When he'll report about August everything may change. The aftermath can tear them apart again.

HI DARLING!!!!

Your new profile pic is fantastic!!

This comment is A LOT, like so much, so THANK YOU. I am currently buzzing with a weird sense of adrenaline and just a lot of emotions over it. I haven't posted anything about Season 2 yet; still just living in my rewatching, processing, thinking bubble 🫀 That being said, this is just so much, I needed to reply before I go back to said bubble 🫀🫀 I don't feel ready for a proper analysis, so I shall just leave you with some initial thoughts/ramblings about this scene. (And how truly fitting that my first Season 2 post will be this one 😂)!

When I was writing the fic, I wanted to try and capture how I thought they would be feeling in Season 2. Watching this Season was honestly a completely different experience for me because of writing this fic. It felt like I knew them differently then I did before, I felt like I understood why they were doing what they were doing in a different way; it has been a very interesting, weird and very much still on going experience. I will no doubt have lots more thought about this in the future too 😂

I really wanted to capture Simons longing, his understanding that nothing had really changed, and his choice to allow himself a possible final moment with Wille; it's depiction in this season was so beautiful, and perfect and breathtaking!!! I am honored and blown away that something I wrote felt similar to Simons feelings in this season for you, and for it to be this part; I just.... it is so much, so THANK YOU 🫀🫀🫀

I could talk about this season and scene forever (and probably will), so since your ask references Simon, I will try to talk about this scene from his perspective. Omar was next level this Season (as was Edvin) like I didn't think they could get better, and yet, somehow they did 🤷🏽‍♀️

This scene (and everything leading up to it) is PERFECTION to me 🫀 At this point, Simon has not decided he is willing to be a secret; for him, this really might be the end, and yet, this time, he knows that going in and he chooses to allow himself this moment, this experience, this memory.

Something that I think is very significant about this final scene is how this episode leads up to it; for now I will just discuss the initial scene. Simon is burying his face in Willes sweater, he is smelling him, remembering their kiss, delighting in Wille, yearning for Wille. He bites his lip, he places the sweater in his lap, he looks at the fish and then back to the sweater and then at himself in the mirror. Simon wants Wille, he longs for him and yet, nothing has changed. Throughout this episode we see him struggling with himself over his desire for Wille; every scene Simon is experiencing an almost completely different set of emotions in regards to Wille, culminating in this final perfect scene.

Simon says he is going to go to the police and Wille just disappears; Simon asks him if he is mad at him and receives no response. Simon goes to see Wille, having no idea what to expect. He doesn't know if Wille is going to try to stop him, if they are going to fight, if Wille thinks Simon is trying to hurt him (as he says to Wille later); Wille apologizes and invites him in. The significance of Wille inviting Simon in to his room, and closing the door, while people are walking past is just everything 🫀

Wille tells Simon exactly how he is feeling, which is what Simon asked of him in Ep 1. Wille isn't hurt, he isn't trying to stop Simon, he is in this with Simon and he is honest about being scared. This conversation is so beautiful; the honesty, the fear, the love. It is so apparent how much they don't want to hurt each other, and feel like they keep doing just that.

Wille reaches out, he seeks comfort in Simon, while still asking what Simon wants, no longer assuming that Simon will want the same things he wants. It is the way Simon strokes Willes hand, the way that they fall into the hug; as if they are seeking reassurance and comfort, and then it becomes tighter as they realize it might be the last one. It is in the way Simons eyes open, as Wille kisses his neck; Simon is done fighting his desires. He is going to allow himself this indulgence, this union, this moment of love, before they go separately into the unknown.

The way that Simon looks as if he is almost in pain when he kisses Wille this season says everything. You can tell how much Simon misses Wille, how much he wants Wille, how much he loves Wille and yet he knows where they stand; nothing has changed.

They break apart and he studies Wille; Simon knows this might be the last time, and in this moment, nothing else matters except for Wille and he can see that Wille wants this too. Simon has survived the last few months(?) with fish and memories and a song and a sweater; he no longer can resist the boy in his arms. The inhale says it all; Simon wants this more than anything and he is tired of fighting against his longing.

The way that Simon melts into the kiss at first. It's coming home, it's being loved, it's a reminder of what they have and yet, it is also a reminder of what they could be about to lose; it becomes an almost desperate need for each other. It is no longer about remembering, it is no longer gentle and soft, it is pure need and desire, and the release of pent up yearning; it is the knowledge that this might be all they will have and the conviction that it will have to be enough.

It's the hands pulling Wille closer, it's the unbroken kiss, it's the annoyance at having to break the kiss to take off their shirts, it's the hands everywhere, it's the way Simon devours Wille. Simon has kept his distance, he has tried to protect himself, he has done what he thought was necessary. Now, finally he is allowing himself to give into his desire and have this time with Wille, even if it is all they have.

And then his delighted little giggle as he stares at Wille and starts to take off his pants says everything else; in this moment, they are free. Nothing matters except for Wille and Simon and their love.

As usual, this completely got away from me 😂 I hope you enjoyed it, if you made it this far! Thank you for this ask my darling 🫀

[invisiblegarters]

Micro BL Reviews +

So due to being ill, I've been spending a lot of time in bed watching dramas. And as always, I have thoughts.

So here, have some more micro (or not so micro) BL reviews, mostly for Thai shows that I missed last year (which is all of them, really).

Finished

Not Me (Thailand) - I quite enjoyed this. The romance stuff is secondary, but that was entirely fine by me as the main plot was interesting enough to hold my attention without it. In fact, and I know this is unpopular but…the chemistry wasn't really firing for me, romantically. I really liked Sean and White's relationship, but I never quite managed to buy into it. They have great chemistry but I didn't necessarily buy it as romantic. I think it's just me because the internet tells me that they are an extremely popular pair. And I had less than negative interest in Graffiti Cop and Hey, It's Akk From The Eclipse (it’s not, it’s Dan and Yok, sorry I'm an ass and also kind of a liar, because I didn't watch The Eclipse until after I finished Not Me and it took a trip to MDL for me to realize that Akk and Yok were played by the same person).

But I really want to jump around under a giant pride banner. Like,  badly.

This one was mostly tight, though, and tackled themes I didn't expect from a BL, and that's why I'm rating it 9/10. Fell apart for me a bit in the end, but otherwise very solid, although to be frank I don't see myself rewatching it.

The Eclipse (Thailand) - I love this one, and it's almost entirely chemistry based. The school stuff was interesting enough but what kept me watching was Akk and Aye, for the most part. And I adored Akk's struggle with his sexuality - I actually thought it was portrayed well, and I felt for him. Also I love a good coming out scene with supportive and lovely parents.

Honestly, Akk was my favorite. Dude was a hot mess wrapped in tears and panic and a prefect's arm band and I have to admit I was entirely there for it.  I do tend to have a thing for characters that seem like they're constantly on the verge of a panic attack (see: Uenoyama from the Given live action drama, my archetype for this).

Not the biggest fan of Thua in the end or the giant outing scene in front of the school (dear lord that's traumatizing and why do they keep going there??? STOP), but I did think that Kan and Thua were really adorable as a second couple right up until Thua went all *waves hand*…that.

LOVED the trio of protesters and loved that the drama never vilified them or tried to make them seem in the wrong. Not so fond of the Dika/Chadok thing, or how suddenly everyone was like "oh it's fine that you traumatized a kid and manipulated him into doing actual crimes and actively endangering other people's lives and essentially upheld a system that is detrimental to most of the student's mental health and also tried actively to run another student out of said school using the teachers and the kid you were traumatizing and manipulating because you hurt, too." And here's the thing. I feel for him. The backstory with Dika was tragic. But there's no real excuse for the things he did. I sympathize too much with Akk to be able to do a full 180 on the guy pushing him into destruction, even if everyone else did. Tragic backstory doesn't excuse mentally torturing more than one high schooler. Although the more I think about it the more I see that he is where Akk might have ended up, had things been a little different. Not a fun thought.

This one I originally rated 8/10 because of the above. I was annoyed by how pat the ending felt. But then the stupid thing caught in my head like a fish hook and I wound up watching it again and even though I still feel the end was weak and I am still irritated at Teach, the very fact that I couldn't stop thinking about it and basically had to watch it again made me bump it up to a 9/10 for enjoyment purposes. Because I did enjoy it, probably more than I did Not Me, although I think that Not Me was tighter and better written overall.

I'm also obsessed with the way Akk looks at Aye.  Yeah, this one got me and go me hard, so much so that I know that had I watched it last year with everyone else it would have wound up in my top 5. Sorry, Choco Milk Shake.

Secret Crush On You (Thailand) - Oh, this drama. I am honestly not sure how I got through the first few episodes, tbh, because I was cringing the entire time. Like full on trying to retract my head into my body like a turtle.

And to be honest, it didn't get much better for me. I appreciate that Toh is not the typical lead in a romance like this, but I just couldn't with the collecting. Nuea was pretty, too, but I didn't get much from him by way of personality. This is a drama where if you don't like Toh, I don't know how you can get through it. I liked him even if he made me cringe a lot (he kept a whole ass crab as a memento. An entire crab. I can't get over this), so I did finish. And I will say that the chemistry was good. The kisses at camp were hot, hot, hot. My goodness.

I also really hated that most of Jao's storyline was about how fat he was. I just don't enjoy that kind of thing and also, to me he looked like a normal sized dude shoved into clothes (mostly the school uniform) a size too small.

My favorite was Daisy, though. Love. And love how sweet Intouch was with her. I read somewhere that he uses the same pronouns (?) for her she uses for herself, and I love that. Thank you show for not making me hate the whole thing and not treating that character like a joke. I about cried my eyes out, though, when she tried to be more what she thought would be less embarrassing for Intouch (read: more masculine), and Som spoke my thoughts exactly.

I actually really liked the friend group in this one. Giving it a 6/10 based mostly on that group of friends, although as I said the chemistry is good, too.

The Director Who Buys Me Dinner (Korea) - I was enjoying it, but I didn't like the ending at all. Unfortunately an ending I'm not fond of can kill a show for me, and this one kinda did that. Also I badly want a Denis spin off because I still don't know what his deal was and by the end that was more interesting to me than the whole reincarnation thing (although I have to admit there's something to them being doomed to repeat the same pattern). 6/10

Currently Watching

Between Us (Thailand) - Full disclosure, I have never seen Until We Meet Again and probably never will because fated mates aren't really my thing and I don't like reincarnation plots. I did watch a video about the original couple though, does that count? So I have zero attachment to Win and Team outside of this series, although again, I did watch a vid with them in once. It was fine.

All that said, I absolutely love this. Reincarnation and fated mates might not be my thing, but the whole FWB gets serious and no one involved has any idea how to handle it thing definitely is. Between Win thinking that he can't hold onto what he loves and Team's survivor's guilt making him doubt he deserves life, let alone love, those two have enough baggage to fill a small plane, and I am here for it. Add to that the fact that their communication styles are entirely different and honestly, I'm entirely unsurprised the confusion and angst that we're mostly getting. This might be unpopular but I'd be fine if it were even angstier. I do love mess.

The side couples are fine. I can take or leave all of them but Waan and Tul, tbh, but I also think that a little cute is a good thing to break up the tears and the frustration (for people who aren't me who don't eat this sort of ridiculousness up*) of Win and Team. I don't really care about the dad stuff, and while I actually do want Team's trauma to be addressed I don't think we have enough time for it anymore. It makes me wonder if they're hoping to do some sort of continuation but even if they are they better not end this with the two of them apart or then I will be annoyed.

*I would like to say here that I do eat it up, but part of the reason that I am loving this so much is that to me (again, someone who never watched UWMA and binged the first nine episodes the day before the tenth aired) this makes so much sense for these characters as I know them.  You can say (and people have) that this amount of angst over something that could be taken care of in one conversation is too much, or is unrealistic, etc, but as a person who finds it very difficult to communicate actual feelings to people it actually feels pretty true, especially for two people who are what? 19/20 at most?  Most especially when you consider that neither of them have done this before, both of them were utterly blindsided by the fact that feelings were happening, and both of them have a ton of baggage. I get the complaints, but for me it works.

Also my goodness Boun is lanky, isn’t he. 

HIStory 5 (Taiwan) - I'm enjoying it well enough, the workplace romance a bit more than the time traveler, but honestly I just don't have a lot to say about it. For me it's fun, easy to watch, but I'm just not that invested. I keep waiting for the time traveler and his rich soon to be boyfriend to do something for me. I hope this most recent ep will kick things into gear there.

That said it does make me laugh, and honestly the workplace duo are the most adorable thing.

Love in the Air (Thailand) - for some reason Viki is being a dick and releasing this one week at a time when I'm fairly sure it's already been over for a while, and Dailymotion keeps freezing on me (or playing an ad and then refusing to start the vid), so I'm stuck waiting currently. This is a trash watch if there ever was a trash watch, I went into this knowing that and knowing that if I wanted to get through it I'd have to turn my brain mostly off and just enjoy the pretty and the high heat. Fortunately for me I am fairly good at turning my brain off when required. I also have the dubious fortune of having cut my teeth on far worse.  I genuinely like Sky and the dude who plays Prapai is gorgeous.

On Hold

Ameiro Paradox (Japan) - I keep trying to get into this one and it keeps not happening, so I've given up the ghost for now and will binge watch when all eps are out. I feel like I'm punishing it for not being Eternal Yesterday and that's just petty.

DNF

Bad Buddy (Thailand) - I don't know, I just couldn't get into this. The chemistry wasn't hitting for me and eventually I just decided to stop watching rather than try to force it. First kiss was good and I shipped the girls, though.

And well, since we're here and since nothing about this fits the definition of "micro"…

Looking Forward To

Bokura no Micro na Shuumatsu (Japan, Jan 29 on Viki and Gaga) - yep, another one that will very probably end badly. I hope it'll give me good chemistry though since Japan likes to do that with the sad ones.

Utsukushii Kare Season 2 (Japan, Feb 7, no word on if it will be on Viki or Gaga but I'm assuming it'll be on one if not both) - I'm still very very much in the WHAT stage with this one. And part of me is terrified it's not going to be good (the first one is my favorite BL ever, fight me) and I can't quite squash that fear, but I think that's probably just the normal fear with sequels. The assumption is that they're splitting the 2nd novel into two parts, essentially, with season two being the very end of the first novel plus some side story stuff, as well as the beginning of the second, and the movie finishing the second novel up. Not sure about the accuracy here, though, this is just stuff I found out when I first heard about it and I'm not necessarily in the loop with this stuff.

Only Friends (Thailand, ??) - I love me a mess, and this looks like a big one. I think I'll probably wimp out though and wait to see how it all shakes out before watching because I feel like real time will frustrate me and I'm hoping if I go into it already knowing who is going to pair off I can prevent the inevitable "oh no I ship this thing that's not gonna happen more, boo"s.

Our Skyy 2 (Thailand, ??) - Mostly into this for the Akk & Aye part(s), if I'm perfectly honest. “Alexa, play The Heart Wants What it Wants”

Dangerous Romance (Thailand, ??) – Because Perth, basically. See above.

[weebeestie]

Well I've rewatched it and damn! First let me say, it is striking how mediocre to straight up bad a lot of the acting and, frankly, the writing is. But like...let's be real. This is not new information. But it makes it even more incredible just how hard the scene still hits. Even after all these years, I still could not look away from the moment Billie followed them back to the Bunker. The shrimp emotions may never return, but I still get a flutter watching them stumble together down that hall. "I've got you Dean." I remember how many times we all picked apart the promo--which came out so long before 15x18 aired--and how we all sort of knew what was coming but didn't but did but didn't dare to believe it. Cas supporting Dean. The shot with his eyes full of tears. I remember waiting for it, my own heart pounding. The confession scene is a bit of a butcher job with the wonky editing but it's there, you know? The essential elements are all there. Like everything with how their story played out, it's imperfect but somehow still more powerful than the sum of its parts. The story and the characters hold the weight, and at a certain level the details of the execution really just feel like one version out of thousands that might bring us to their inevitable conclusion. It doesn't matter if it's good or bad or somewhere in between because Destiel has literally transcended the narrative--in and out of their own text--and in this episode it's acknowledged in the most wonderful and terrible way imaginable, in true supernatural fashion.

Anyway, my main takeaway here is that even a poorly written, poorly acted, slapdash official production of the deancas reunion and long-awaited reciprocation would be perfectly sufficient to Fix Me.

[enigmaticxbee]

I posted 2,181 times in 2022

That's 445 more posts than 2021!

95 posts created (4%)

2,086 posts reblogged (96%)

Blogs I reblogged the most:

@ellivia

@enigmaticxbee

@baronessblixen

@scullyverse

@lotzzoforangezoutside

I tagged 1,899 of my posts in 2022

Only 13% of my posts had no tags

#xf fanart - 734 posts

#i’m not going to ask queue if you just said what i think queue just said because i know it’s what queue just said - 378 posts

#xf rewatch - 195 posts

#txf - 69 posts

#revival - 55 posts

#the x files - 49 posts

#msr - 48 posts

#❤️ - 47 posts

#🥺 - 43 posts

#xf meta - 34 posts

Longest Tag: 139 characters

#interesting i’ve never thought that much about mulder’s relationship to religion but his animosity when he’s open to so much else must come

My Top Posts in 2022:

#5

See the full post

122 notes - Posted January 1, 2022

#4

Revival Rewatch - Fic Recs

Need something to read to pass the time waiting for date night to start while your (past - present? - future) partner tears his (your?) Unremarkable House apart in search of a lost Twilight Zone episode that he’s sure is somewhere in this pile of old vhs tapes? I don’t read a lot of revival fics but here are a few I can recommend:

Revival Smut:

Subterranean Pool by @somekindofseizure - Office sex, season 7 vs season 10, NSFW, so good.

Gravity by @ms-starlight71 - Sex in the Unremarkable House, NSFW.

Birthday Girl by @storybycorey - It’s her birthday, you know. Fifty-four years old and tucked into the back of a shiny yellow St. Louis cab, wearing a dress probably better suited to a thirty year old, with its slit up the side and its deep V of a neckline, but she looks so damn good in it, she doesn’t care. NSFW, so hot.

Just One by @observeroftheuniverse - Plus One sex scene, what we all needed, NSFW.

Familiar by @phillippadgettwrites - Plus One sex scene, NSFW.

Revival Fix-its:

Untitled by @myassbrokethefall - rewrite of the Plus One conversation in bed so that it actually makes sense.

End of Story by @cecilysass - Plus One conversation in bed fix-it.

Transitive Property of Equality by flicked_switch - fills in the gaps of their relationship over the course of season 11, canon-compliant, NSFW.

Of Monsters and Men, and a Woman by @snickerl - the confrontation with CSM they deserved.

After She Left by @agoodwoman - Over the course of the season 10 timeline, Mulder and Scully have to heal, forgive and learn to trust again as they decide what the future holds for their relationship before it's too late. NSFW. I’ve been trying to find a fic I remember with similar themes to this, where they work through their issues after the breakup in the season 10 era - it was a casefile (like this fic has between season 10 episodes) but I remember couples therapy being a big part of the other fic - if you know what that other fic might be please let me know!

Post Revival:

Times Colliding by @gaycrouton - 2018 and 1998 Mulders switch places, WIP but I just love this concept so much. NSFW.

Reprise by akaJake - Thirty years after Eugene Victor Tooms was mangled to death inside a moving escalator, several murder victims are discovered with their livers missing, ripped from their bodies without the aid of cutting tools. There are no identifiable points of entry at any of the crime scenes. Could Tooms be back?

Straight Out of the 3-Pack by DanaScullyMakesMeFeelAutopsyTurvey - Following the events of My Struggle 4, Scully finds a token from their shared past, inspiring a revelation and a sensual reimagining. NSFW.

It’s Après Ski, Scully by @agirlcallednarelle - Mulder takes Scully skiing for New Year's in 2018 to help them both move on from the events of the year. Some angst, some fluff, some closure. This is what I want for them post-revival.

The Rains of Bimini by @slippinmickeys - How could he have known, when she walked into his office with her bad suit and her earnest smile, that she would be the last person he would ever love? You don’t always realize the momentous things as they’re happening, and so he’d needled her a little; without any thought to his lost sister, he’d used his snottiest big brother voice and accused her of spying. Her. His last, best love. Set far in the future, it’s just lovely.

128 notes - Posted September 5, 2022

#3

S10 Rewatch - MSR

I’m not even sure where to start here because all of the writers except CC seemed to pretty much ignore the break up, and CC had no interest in really exploring why they broke up or what it would mean to start working together again post break up. I certainly would have been on board with the show exploring the fissures in their relationship - if it actually wanted to take seriously their personal and shared traumas and how terrible they’ve historically been at communicating. (Although I don’t think they would have even needed to break up if that was the aim - people can be in a relationship and have issues and work through those issues you know! Might actually be interesting to watch!)

But all we get is one line by a random character about how Scully left because of Mulder’s endogenous depression?? Bullshit. And once they start working together again they’re fine. If there was supposed to be some kind of arc this season where they come back to each other (without working through any of the issues that tore them apart apparently) then I guess it all happened when Scully agreed to go back the X-Files in the first episode? Because literally nothing in the rest of the season would have to be different if they had never broken up… Does the Mulder who shows up - to sit with her at her mother’s hospital bed and hold her as she cries and go back to work with her even though it’s a terrible fucking idea and sit and listen as she grieves the answers she’ll never get about her mother and her son - seem like a man dealing with his ex who he still works with or like a man showing up for and supporting the most important person in his life, the love of his life, no matter how complicated the current status of their relationship?

So what was the fucking point of the break up this season? To get back to that Schrodinger’s box place the original series lingered in for far too long where they both were and were not in a relationship as long as the show didn’t directly acknowledge it? Because that ship fucking sailed a long time ago and if CC really wanted to capture the old magic he would have put Mulder and Scully on screen together for more than two minutes.

145 notes - Posted April 15, 2022

#2

158 notes - Posted May 1, 2022

My #1 post of 2022

See the full post

169 notes - Posted January 1, 2022

Get your Tumblr 2022 Year in Review →

[soullistrations]

I posted 5,722 times in 2022

That's 5,017 more posts than 2021!

195 posts created (3%)

5,527 posts reblogged (97%)

Blogs I reblogged the most:

@dickley-buddie

@bisexualshakespeare

@captain-hen

@queerbuck

@hattalove

I tagged 5,401 of my posts in 2022

Only 6% of my posts had no tags

#911 fox - 2,434 posts

#buck - 911 posts

#eddie - 793 posts

#buddie - 580 posts

#hen - 317 posts

#911 spoilers - 277 posts

#chim - 235 posts

#videos - 197 posts

#exu calamity - 193 posts

#fanart - 159 posts

Longest Tag: 139 characters

#gosh just. even if you don't read the novel i do recommend going to read the ee vs happy bits in the challenger league because it's more of

My Top Posts in 2022:

#5

The beginning of 17776 really is so interesting in the way that it sets up the rest of the story. The calendar backdrop was such a stroke of genius, because it forces the reader to focus on nothing but the passage of time and nine's increasing desperation and loneliness. and then when ten responds with 'i love you so much'--well, i still had no idea who these characters were, but i was already invested enough in them to feel anxious scrolling through the days where they weren't able to make contact with each other. and then, when ten tells nine not to contact them for 27 years, my first thought was, 'but that's a life! that's a life apart for two people who clearly care about each other'

and then the scroll through the days, once again forced to focus on nothing but the passage of time, leading straight into the reveal that these people aren't actual people with a lifespan of a century or less, and THEN the reveal that even humans aren't people with a lifespan of a century or less anymore, and the way that the reader has been interacting with the passage of time is so FUNDAMENTALLY different to how it works for the current denizens of the earth

just, what a great way to really bring out the focus of the story right from the beginning: how would we change, if the constraints and anxieties of finite time were lifted from us as a species?

327 notes - Posted October 22, 2022

#4

Tell me why hitting the word ‘me’ on page three hundred and fifteen of harrow the ninth legitimately made me burst into tears—oh, there you are

486 notes - Posted November 3, 2022

#3

'it only took me three tries to get it right' buck says, in a scene where we talk about his three past girlfriends, in a scene where he cooks dinner for eddie and chris

711 notes - Posted September 19, 2022

#2

rewatching haunted, and hen goes 'fuck it' and digs up that grave with a backhoe to save the guy that was buried alive, and after buck is like 'hen you're such a badass' and hen's like 'yeah but the ghosts might not understand :/' literally every scene with the two of them is the absolute best every single time it's like

buck: 'hen you're amazing'

hen: 'yeah yeah i know but [something that is guaranteed to send buck into a three-day-long spiral]'

717 notes - Posted October 10, 2022

My #1 post of 2022

stages of reading 17776:

this is about football

this is not about football

....oh, i guess this IS actually about football

no, wait, it's not really ABOUT football

1,218 notes - Posted September 5, 2022

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