#mikey is actually kinda resentful of her in a way

[turrondeluxe]

Does your AU have a renet

Because I’m kinda thinking ronin was the first time she met the turtle

So like when she met him and the others while they were younger she just stared at Mikey for a while trying to figure out who the others were and why Mikey wasn’t covered in scars

She does! That's a neat idea! In the AU it wasn't like that though!

Renet used to be good friends of the turtles, but she disappeared from their lives completely some time around before the peace treaty.

The brothers actually had no idea why she went absolutely awol but Mikey reassured them it was alright and they didn't ask again. After all, the time apprentice didn't exist by their concept of time and used to come and go, sometimes not visiting them for Long periods of time.

Renet actually had a talk with Mikey before disappearing completely from their lives and Mikey wouldn't understand why until later, when everything started going to hell.

She told him that she was sorry and that there was nothing she could do to change the future. That it had to continue it's course.

Mikey didn't get it at the time.

[phoebepheebsphibs]

I will never actually write this because it was too sad (even for me and my angsty skills...)

A while ago, I came up with the idea to write a really sad fic about the turtles. Duh.

A goal with all my fics is to have a moment where I make the audience cry, or at the very least get emotional. And this was no exception. It’s a personal challenge for me, to see if I can get my audience truly invested. But, I also need my fics to have a PURPOSE. So, if I was gonna write a sad and angsty fic, I needed a way to bring it to a moral or happy ending, to show a reason why the characters went through what they did, rather than just have a story for story's sake. So, I went about coming up with a synopsis for a story that showed how to deal with grief and guilt and hopelessness. But after several months of writing and ideas, I realized that it simply wasn't working out. The story wasn't just sad or angsty, it was utterly depressing. The message of hope even after death wasn't pulling through... and in addition, I got worried that the massive amounts of despair in the story were going to be detrimental to my mental health, if not also for the readers. Thusly, I scrapped the plot.

So fair warning, the stuff you're about to read is very emotional and kinda dark...

Naw I ain’t playing, turn back now while you have the chance.

CW: LOTS. OF. DEATH. Major illness, disintegration, intrusive thoughts, suicidal thoughts, even a suicide attempt.

I was even in the process of making cover art for it (which I do for all my fics lol)

The fic literally starts out with a note from April (the narrator), explaining that she documented everything and warns the reader that this story does not have a happy ending. It takes place about a week after the invasion, and the family was having a rough time. Mikey's hands were absolutely scorched, Donnie's immune system was shot and he seemed to be getting ill, Raph was having constant panic attacks, and Leo wasn't getting better from his injuries. To top it all off, a new government branch was setting up camp in NYC and interrogating people about the events of the Krang attack. April had narrowly escaped but figured the Earth Protection Force would come back for her. Meanwhile, Leo’s injuries weren’t healing like they should have and he was getting worse… Eventually the family caved and asked for help from Agent Bishop and the EPF, but after some doctors and scientists took a look at Leo… they realized there was nothing anyone could do. They’d waited too long. Leo was not going to make it, and all they could do was make him comfortable for a few hours before he... yeah. So everyone said their goodbyes, and I actually have some snippets of dialogue written down and it makes me cry every time. Donnie had the worst reaction, upset by Leo's peace with the situation and devastated by his loss, believing that he never showed his appreciation and love for his twin as much as he should have. Leo attempts to comfort Donnie, but eventually tells him to "get over it". A few hours later, Leo dies in his sleep, and the room erupts into grief and panic and chaos until Donnie, in his pure anger, punches a hole through the heart monitor and leaves. Leo is given a viking send-off in the Hidden City, and afterwards, April asks what they are supposed to do now. Donnie angrily repeats Leo's last insight: get over it. April goes home, and after her parents ask her how her day was… she bursts into tears.

Several weeks later, Mikey tries to get Donnie and Raph to talk about their feelings, but they both refuse. Mikey himself is having issues, his hands not healing quickly and he wonders if he will ever be able to make a work of art again. He manages to get Donnie to admit his guilt of not being there for Leo and still holding anger and resentment towards his twin for sacrificing himself and dying. Mikey suggests that he speak with Raph, but Donatello refuses. Later, during an attack, Raph was knocked out and Donnie collapsed from his illness, which he had been hiding. Mikey realizes that it's left to him and uses his mystic powers to portal his brothers to safety, at the cost of his own life. Mikey comes to terms with this, believing that what he did was his mangum opus, and he feels no pain as he vanishes, greeted by Leo in the afterlife.

Donatello and Raphael mourn the loss of two brothers, and Donnie finally talks with Raph about his grief over Leo’s death (in honour of Dr. Feelings’ memory). However, his declining health is brought to light and Donnie is placed in quarantine. Casey Jr. identifies his illness as a common Krang disease, one his mother died of, and the group work overtime to create the cure. Raph stays with his last sibling and keeps him company. Donnie gets more and more sick, and one night while April and Casey are working with Agent Bishop to finalize the antidote, Donnie's fever worsens and he sleepwalks, hallucinating Mikey and Leo's return and them comforting Donnie and telling him that the others will be alright in his absence. Donnie senses that his time is almost up. Raph finds him but doesn't understand what Donnie is seeing or who he is talking to, and takes him back to bed. April and Casey finally finish the cure and rush home, hoping to make it back in time, but find Raph asleep by Donnie's bedside… Donnie having just succumbed to his illness a few hours prior.

Raph is left as the last one alive, dealing with extreme survivors' guilt for outliving his brothers and blames himself for their deaths. April tries to comfort him, Splinter, and Casey. (Casey notes that history seems to be repeating itself in reverse order— that while in the alternate timeline Raph died first and Leo last, the opposite has been happening here, and Casey fears that Raph might actually die somehow very soon.) Meanwhile, Raphael tries to atone for his guilt by overdoing the vigilante work on his own. Eventually he decides that it isn't enough, he can never atone, and he misses his brothers too much… so he writes a note to April and emails it to her, then goes to the Hidden City to pick a fight with Heinous Green... and let him win. April receives the email and she and the others rush to save Raph, who at this point has already found Heinous Green and is letting him beat the ever-loving life out of him. Halfway through, however, he realizes what he is doing and that his brothers would not want this for him, but it's too late... April and Casey find Raph near death and attempt to save him, but he goes unconscious from his injuries.

While April, Casey, Splinter and Draxum work to heal Raph's wounds and revive him, Raphael dreams of the afterlife, meeting up with his brothers and apologizing for everything. They comfort him, yet also explain that he has to wake up soon; and how April, Casey, and Splinter still need him. Raphael asks if he can stay, to which they promise that he will be okay without them and someday they will see each other again; that they aren’t mad at him for their deaths, but that he cannot speed up their meeting. Raph agrees to go home, to which they all say how proud they are of him. Raphael wakes up with his family around him, relieved that he survived. Later that night, he and April have a discussion where she scolds and berates him for trying to leave them, saying that she had no one left. He admits his actions and apologizes and promises to get better.

In an epilogue, April explains that it has been a full year since Raph’s injuries, and he is doing much better. The Hidden City made a memorial for the three lost brothers in honour of their sacrifices. Casey Jones Jr. has been doing better as well, though he will often have nights of panic and moments of grief that only Raph can get him through. Agent Bishop works with Raphael and Casey to keep the city safe from mutant attacks, and they work to create a new team, hinting to characters like Mona Lisa, Venus De Milo/Frida Kahlo, Leatherhead, and other characters from the comic series. April ends by stating that at the beginning, she said the story did not have a happy ending. She stands by this, stating that the story has not ended and will continue for as long as they live, and that she does her best to remember her friends and keep going on, not for their sake, but for her own. And that one day, she will see them again.

And as if THAT wasn't heart-wrenching enough, I also planned a short after-story of how something like 80 years later, The Hamato ghosts get ready to welcome Raph into the afterlife, showing Leo preparing a house for him and Mikey decorating and Donnie gardening.

So yeah this is the most depressing and heartbreaking thing I've ever written, and I ACTUALLY SPARED YOU FROM THE DIALOGUE I HAD WRITTEN TOO

[carmenized-onions]

Chap 13 STRAP ON IN MOTHERFUCKER

tumblr not notifying me of this WHEN I HAVE NOTIFICATIONS ON is a crime, like be so fr rn

1. OMG FIRST MEET WITH MIKEY OH SHIT. was this inspired by napkins perchance?

2. i love the word ‘indulge’. you kinda went off when you invented the english language

3. unrelated to this but the age thing. it’s so funny that we were all shocked by mikey’s age when his best friend literally said “dude i think i’m 45 polishing forks”

4. Yoink!

5. it will be HER sandwich indeed🥺

6. MIDDLE-AGED i mean it’s true but dang you really did them like that,,

7. THE COFFEE MACHINEEE. BABYYY WE’RE GETTING ALL THE TIDBITS

8. the mirror to carmen broke my heart. also we get his pov of the *situation* now so im gonna be sick

9. UGHHH YOUR WRITING!!!!! >>>>>> it deffo feels like we’re in his head

10. every time you tried food for him - IM ACTUALLY CRYING SHUT UP

11. gary with the ‘ick’🥺🫶🏼🫶🏼

12. CARMEN ARE YOU NOT GONNA THINK ABOUT HOW HE WANTS WINE GIRL’S NUMBER

13. he cannot get it to smell like you again. - babyboyyy

14. He thought he didn’t want that? - 😭😭😭 BRING THEM BACK

15. You looked so good. You always look good. Better, in his clothes, but you always look good - BARK BARK BARK

16. It’s probably the onions from the broth making her tear up. - THE ONIONS👀

17. You’ve been out of Carmen’s life for 0ERR minutes. Yeah. That’s exactly how long it feels like. - YOOO YOU FUCKING KILLED WITH THIS

18. oop the thin line for the mikey / flashback parts !! we back. (or maybe it’s the same as it’s always been and i’m dumb) ALSO MARCUS<333 the bread guy💀 he IS the nicest

19. “My ears, kid.” - T🥹🥹🥹

20. ugh here we get to see chippy be such a nerd, no wonder her and squid are besties

21. Sometimes you think about asking if she needs you anymore. - clutching my chest

22. mikey calling her ‘kid’ is so accurate

23. OMG SHE WAS COOKING WITH THEM TOO🥺🥺🫶🏼

24. Like he can see the invisible snake coiling around Carmen. - oh you popped off onion

25. “Can we step out, for a second, Chef?” - OH FUCK

26. “You should reply!” - her being an angel to carmen before they even met i’m so🥺🥺🥺

27. “No, no— Oldest.” - REAL, or like only child but not in the spoiled way - in the had to be the mediator way cause they’re the only one there

28. Mikey is really good at being an older brother, you think. - mikey being a caring older brother figure to her is soooo cute

29. Did his mouth taste bad, every time he’d kiss you? Probably. - NOOO CHIPPY WANTS TO GIVE YOU ALL THE SMOOCHES - well not rn but hush

30. I just— I just made the—The only fuckin’ good thing in my life leave - STOP OMG THEIR LOVE IS EVERYTHING IM GONNA BITE AN XLR CABLE

31. “Heard and resented.” - RICHIE IS SO CUTE STOP chip and richie are my fave besties

32. “Want your coffee?” - I too would fold immediately

33. “Fucker.” - I LOVE THEM

34. He kisses your temple as you pass him, making an all too aggressive ‘muah’ noise - STOPPPP HE IS THE CUTEST GIRLDAD EVER I WANT TO BE HIS BEST FRIEND 😭😭😭

35. the syrups<3

36. “Cousin!” - okay bad timing but she called him cousin🥺

37. naloxone kit - i had to google this and OH SHIT

38. “You got her number, by chance?” - PUKE

39. I’ve had her number for three years, memorized - actually fuck it all, THEY are everything to me

40. I would be so fucking lucky, if a woman like that— - this had me crying, he’s so special to me actually

41. And he pivots his head, to speak very deliberately, to Carmen - man he’s just the best friend and guard dog

42. If fuckin’ only. If I had someone like that— I’d be on hand and fucking knee, for her. - biting into a pillow because oh my god ?? their friendship owns me

43. It also wouldn’t hurt to get your number, you’re perfect. - 🚶‍♀️🚶‍♀️🚶‍♀️

44. There’s a joke in here somewhere, and it’s probably Carmen. - STOP HURTING ME ONION THATS SO SAD

45. “I’d fucking kill him.” - are they talking about lee😁 cause go for it bestie!! kill that fucker

46. “Hard to speak in those rooms.” - he’s so intelligent and that just makes it all so much sadder

47. “I would’ve said something.” - So true but chip is a superior being so

48. Like you can take the compliment, but you can never say ‘I know, I’m doing it on purpose.’ - crying again. the way you write mikey is just unmatched. better than the show - *tamisha iman voice* I SAID WHAT I SAID

49. because you’re the guy, too. - this scene is so special and precious

50. “Like a nerd?” “Like a nerd.” - something about chip’s friendships with middle-aged men is so dear to me

51. There was this girl - her girlfriend!!

52. also love that we get to hear some of her addiction story🫶🏼🫶🏼🫶🏼 and the way you handled it was beautiful❤️

53. “Oh don’t you point a finger when it comes to burying a fucking lead.” - GET HIS ASS

54. “Michael The Bear Berzatto, you have officially been sober for twenty-four hours.” - YOOO this is the cutest thing, them spending time together so he won’t - yeah:’)))

55. he’s still your guy - big brother🫶🏼🫶🏼🫶🏼 ugh like i *kinda* get why carmen was jealous cause it’s like mikey was SUCH a big brother to her that it makes sense that carmy would wonder why mikey couldn’t be that to *him* - his actual brother

56. “That’s what she said—” “Fucking gross!” - amazing

57. this chapter is fully like 7 chapter shoved into one worth of content and i love that

58. “[…]Don’t forget that. That we’re on the same team and I love you.” / “I’m not gonna forget you love me, Chip.” and neither of you know this is a lie, yet. - 🥺🥺🥺

59. “And I don’t want that shit for Chip, either—“ - he’s always protecting her 🥺🥺🫶🏼

60. “Cousin, what the fuck did I say to her?” / “You said she failed him.” - the tears are coming back. i’m really alice crying in wonderlanding this chapter

61. zero pulse - oh the throw backs

62. Mikey desperately trying to escape the freezer - I KNEEWWWW HE WAS STUCK IN IT AT SOME POINT. maybe you actually mentioned this in a chapter but !! anyways this wasn’t the way i imagined but this was better

63. YOU WROTE THIS SCENE SO SPLENDIDLY MY LOVE I AM IN AWE OF YOU

64. “Don’t open it.” - he’s trying so hard 🥺

65. “Because the last person that helped you just ran out crying.” - GET HIS ASS RICHIE!!!!

66. Thank you, for softening him up, because if you hadn’t, again, Carmen would be going headfirst through the fucking window right now. - love that

67. “You want me to take all my money, okay, and place it in a fucking furnace? Is that right?” - LMAO UNCLE JIMMY IS SO FUNNY

68. “So I’m sensing—” You curl your hand in the air. “A touch of hostility, which is fair.” - they’re so funny i just - also she sounds like squid, love that

69. No, the manager at Wells Fargo was. - OH???

70. “She could be my daughter!” - the chipxmikey allegations are dead🥳🥳 a win!

71. And I’m gonna bring Carmy on, and we’re gonna do like - omg this is better than canon🥺

72. it’s the blind leading the fucking blind. - you make the drama funny

73. “Every week that you keep going, that’s ten grand.” - JIMMY!!!

74. Fingers crossed he likes you - 💔💔💔 don’t do me like that😭😭😭

75. “If that’s what getting a star takes, I don’t want it.” - ayo???🥺🥺🥺 (no pun intended)

76. “Can you stay after close?” - OH OH OH!!!!

77. no fucking idea where he’s been putting it - and she would not be able to guess it because that’s insane

78. It’d be more accurate of him to say he likes the sticky notes you tack on to each mug - she really is just the cutest ever

79. “I know. But I wanna prove I can, too.” - 🫶🏼

80. “Child incoming, no expletives please!” - EVA COMING!!!!! chippy being the gay aunt LETS GOOOO (also shout out richie for knowing big words)

81. “You’re gonna break your neck, Mike.” - can it just be this? the three of them? forever?

82. “I don’t wanna plan your funeral.” - YOOOOOOOOOO

83. A LITTLE PATOOT IS RIGHT

84. removing your hands from Eva, but then she holds them there. - i combusted🥹😭💕

85. kiss your cheek just short of a million times. “The perfect woman—” - hgnnh inlove them so muchhhhh. i need this to be in the show, WHERE IS CHIP IN CANON (i like to think that whenever we don’t know what richie or syd is up to they’re with chip:’))

86. “Not Italian!” is the synchronous reply from you and Mikey. - love this

87. Eva interrupts him, taking as much as a shining to you as she does her father. “Exp—Expultive!” She looks at you for approval and you nod in delight. - 😭🫶🏼💖😭🫶🏼💖😭🫶🏼💖

88. richie calls eva sweets!!!!!

89. “I want you to start talking to Carmen, when he comes back.” - their biggest believer besides me!!

90. “Cause you’re you.” - speechless

91. “Are you trying to hook me up right now?” “He’s a virgin, so it’s definitely not a good deal for you—” - IANDJDIEJEIEIEJEJEIRJFHRJ

92. “I just want you to be prepared for what you’re getting into, he gets performance anxiety so—” - aiaiwneoeneiwhrjrje?!?!!!

93. “Thank you! I ask for so little.” - this is just PEAK

94. He grabs the notepad and rips off the twenty seven points. - richie is so funny actually

95. deli containers of coke. - sniff sniff?👀

96. “Solve it hard and fast—” “Why hard—?” - BALEGDEH

97. Richie’s got lists of books now, instead of zingers. They somehow hit harder. - YOU GO RICHIE!!

98. “We know.” - that’s so cute!! he soft launched their relationship without knowing

99. Carmen’s gonna do right by you, for the rest of his life. - ONION🥹🥹😭😭

100. He’s gonna be your man - *in the arms of the angel🎶🕊️*

101. When he knew you’d be out of the city. - that is so heartbreaking and i’m crying again

102. Maybe Carmen will figure it out. It’s meant for him anyways. - i mean technically i already knew this, but it’s so sweet to see it written anyways

103. With his three month sobriety chip hanging off of it.  - 🚶‍♀️🚶‍♀️🚶‍♀️

104. “Nephew didn’t take a liking to you?” - STOP YOU CANT BE THIS FUNNY WHEN THE CHAPTER IS THIS TRAGIC

105. My best friend died on February 22nd. On the State Street Bridge - and the tears are rolling

106. “Go inside, soon. Come home.” / “I will” - crying again

107. MICHAEL FUCKING SAW HER

108. Wells-Fargo will ask if you want to close your account. - ohhh that’s why they asked about the baby

109. Next time you’ll think of everything, next time you won’t fail. - chiiiip🥺

110. You will go, and you will sit on the curb across from the church, and you will not go inside. - THE MIRRORING OF HER AND CARMY UGHH IT’S SO POWERFUL

111. You will stare at the little stuffed bear, the roses, the picture frame of him, and you will finally say it aloud. - more crying

112. When Carmen shows up, two hours later, not honestly that long after you finally left, he will add a bouquet and a prayer candle - they’re so meant to be and just ugh these moments are so special

113. “Guys I— Guys I don’t know how to run bar, and I don’t think I should’ve been trusted, with this.” - LMFAO

114. “I’m gonna fix it.” Carmen will tell you -🥺 i’m soft🥺

115. No more fucking shoes, because it's all out now. -😭💖

116. It’s not negotiable. - YOOOOOO THE MIC DROP AT THE END OF THE CHAPTER YOU FUCJING ATEEEEEEE THIS AND THEN SOME

I think you’ve gotta be crowned for longest ask? I believe you’re currently number one fan of the blog (like in terms of the literal activity stats), so perhaps that’s enough of a reward. 

LETS STRAP ON IN I MEAN I won’t respond to every point because that would be insane but let’s GO

We’ve messaged about it hhehehe BUT FOR THE CLASS!! Had the intro planned pre-napkins!! Slash this whole chapter. I was very much going off of Fishes for my flashback inspo but then they gifted me Napkins and I got to YOINK that scene like Mikey yoinked that sandwich. and for that Mr Storer and Ayo I thank u

THE AGE THING LISTEN I NEED TO REWATCH FORKS BECAUSE I THOUGHT RICHIE SAID 40 NOT 45— It’s WHY I was so shocked about Mikey being 43— I shouldn’t have been, it’s only 3 years, but in my minds eye I was like “well surely they’re the same age, they give ‘went to highschool together’ energy because when the fuck else would you meet— But I can’t remember a single freshman I STAYED friends with in both high school AND college for that matter so WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED

Writing in Carmen’s head for Friday was so fucking fun. No wonder they make him freak so much in S3 it’s just FUN TO MAKE HIM SQUEAK. Also man idk if I ever have the best grip on Gary/Sweeps but I felt like bro HAD to be thinking “what? You want the number of the kitchen princess? The personality hire that also actually does things here? I’m going to threw up.”

Carmen spiral being very sweet as he actively ignores the elephant of his EC being a creep,,,, ohhhhhhh babbyyyyy highway to the DANGERzone. I really felt like that moment was simply “I literally cannot process this information so I’m just not going to”

THE THIN ASS LINES!! They’re the same colours as before (though I did debate changing them, I couldn’t think of a colour scheme that would suite Mikey/Chip’s flashbacks better, but maybe I’ll ninja edit and change them in the future, we’ll see.)

Chip was/is SUCH a nerd I loved writing her back when she was in Syd’s position of being completely new to this family and needing to integrate (YOU’RE NOT INTEGRATED IN THE DREAM WEAVE!!!)… ahhhh

100% Chip could also be an only child i see that in a million ways, A MEDIATOR FOR SURE!! I think any childhood dynamic could work for her honestly, I made her a baby truly for the sake of representing the other babies out there like me— WE ALSO ARE DEPENDABLE!! WE CAN BE DA ROCK TOO!! And I honestly think Carmen needs someone who was a baby sibling in his life. Babies work very well together. 

BITING AN XLR CABLE IS SUCH A SPECIFIC FEELINFDKNVJFD been there. How many times have I hung an XLR around my neck? Too many times (for convenience I swear!!) (those equipment hauls SUCK ALRIGHT!!)

Girldad big brother Rich !! My beloved!! I love that after the naloxone scene comes Richie’s “I’ve had her number for three years, memorized— You know why?” — He never actually gets to say why— And is it cause they’re besties? Yes 100%, but it’s also BECAUSE OF THE NALOXONE SCENE!! Chip was absolutely his borderline emerg contact for awhile. I absolutely headcanon he considered calling her when he went to prison. That would’ve been his version of Syd calling her during opening night. Her two besties KNOW Chip is the most dependable person they know (My legacy is to be an excellent emergency contact !! aah shit)

Mikey does the same shit Chip did with Lee/Carmen!! Tried to justify/critically think through the emotions of the other people/person in order to emotionally recover!! CAUSE THEY’RE BOTH THE GUY I’M SICK. IM WRETCHING. CHIP AND HER SUPPORT MIDDLE AGED MEN DOGS ARE SOMETHING THAT CAN BE SO PERSONAL

BETTER THAN THE SHOWOWWJLFKJSF I try I try. I really do hope I was on point with my Mikey characterization, because I do think if he had a chance to be vulnerable this is how he WOULD speak because it’s VERY clear in his episodes that he’s extremely emotionally intelligent, and like a fucking sniper, I see me in him and him in me and i can TELL that motherfucker is doing it on purpose. FUCK. He knows what he needs to be for people! And he knows he does it for people! We always know! We always fuckin’ know! We’re the guy on purpose!!

Her girlfriend!!!!!!!! There’s nothing to this point besides her GIRLFRIEND!!

It compLEETTEELYY makes sense for Carmen to be jealous of Chip for being so close with Mikey— But I think the thing that he’s started to realize— Is that yes 100% Chip got to be Mikey’s guy when Carmen didn’t, but Chip very specifically got those last two extremely turbulent two years, like it was NOT all good. The only memories Carmen has of Mikey are either positive or ruined purely by the rest of his family— HE never had to see Mikey go through HALF the shit that Richie/Chip saw him go through, and I think he’s realized, Oh I don’t have legitimate reason to be mad over a time that literally was not even that fun

Richie’s always protecting her!!! Fully prioritized her!! Parking lot scene softened the shit out of Richie for this fight honestly because after crying with Chip he managed to realize “oh yeah Carmen’s just a fuckhead. He’s wrong about everything he said. I’m going to go kill him to avenge you now.” love him. Love him love him.

There’s a shocking amount of title throwbacks in this one, I can’t remember, but if you keyword search you might find a couple. Zero Pulse, Doing too much I know is in here. Something to do, obviously. Tony Terry Or Tommy, not exact title but that’s here. Some version of do the thing is in here. Easter eggs? Yeah let’s call them easter eggs. 

MIKEY IN THE FREEZZEERR It’s referenced in the first chap (which I imagine you caught on your reread, and in Chap12) but like you said, I think both times I worded it in such a way where it was like, oh he got stuck the same way Carmen did— nononono I DID SOMETHING WAY MORE FUCKED UP!! That trio was trying so hard man. I love them as a trio, I never wanted to stop writing for them.

Put my money in a furnace you say? I’m in. (Uncle Jimmy to both of his nephews 1 million times)

Chipxmikey the ship has drowned. The ship has careened into the ocean. The ship is getting visitors from billionaires in a barely functioning submarine. The ship just killed the submarine. 

AYOOOOO If that’s what a star takes I don’t want it— BITCH. MAKEOUT!

The sticky notes on the mugs!! And they end up being the sticky notes in his ICE folder!! The ones that Carmen loses his shit over!! Fucker feels real bad now, I bet. 

Eva’s whole moment is inspired by my co-workers kid who immediately upon meeting me and finding out I know what Sanrio is— Fell head over heels for me as a best friend. Fully kept asking me to come out of the office to watch her do backflips and then ask if I could do that, and I went “Honestly no but I think I can kind of almost a little bit do the splits”

I SO WISH CHIP WAS IN CANON MAN,, SYD AND RICHIE CLEARLY NEED A PERSON— I know inevitably their person will likely end up being each other, but like, Chip is so good for both of them. Made me so sad when either of them were lonely in S3 cause I was like baby. Your Work Wife is just offscreen. Just look over there she’s right there man what do you mean she’s not canon

Mikey shipped CarmTony before it was cool. ALSO CAUSE YOU’RE YOU is one of my favourites. I think Tony says it to Chip first at one point, and then he says it back to her in Doing too Much, ahhhh houston the house boottts

TOO MANY PEOPLE FREAKED OVER THE PERFORMANCE ANXIETY— LISTEN I DONT THINK MIKEY KNOWS HIM LIKE THAT BUT LIKE CLEARLY CARMEN GETS PERFORMANCE ANXIETY IN EVERYTHING HE DOES ALRIGHT? ALRIGHT???

I love going from “I ask for so little” to Richie/Syd asking Carmen to completely 180 his entire life in a week. Like that’s so fucking funny to me. As is “oh Good” and TEARING off the list lmao

We cANT MAKE COKE JOKES IN THE SOBRIETY CHAPTER!!! This one did slip by me though honestly I had to fucking change coke to Diet Coke in the intro of Zero Pulse to make it clear that Carmen did not fall asleep on his couch covered in chip dust and cocaine. Or did he…

Chip thought she was so slick soft launching with the jacket when Carmen did it immediately by accident. 

This whole final scene I’ll try to condense down into one point because if I don’t we’ll all go insane listening to me fucking yap again about it. But MIKEY SAW HER MAN!!! This last call sucks so much because he’s STILL the fucking guy in it. He’s still making sure she and everyone else are okay and trying to make her laugh with the nephew thing DESPITE the fact that he’s got a clear plan— i’m soooo—- I’m gonna reach into heaven and beat MB’s ass. 

The mirroring of their mourning!! Hell!!! I imagine they drove past each other not knowing the other was doing the same shit. How fucking different would their lives be if they overlapped at that vigil man i’m ill

HE’S GONNA FIX IT!!!! IT’S NOT NEGOTIABLE!!!! ALSO SOMEONE PLEASE HELP FAK RUN BAR HE’S FUCKING DYING!!!!

Thank you for these thoughts as always, can’t wait to see what you think about my bullshit with Chapter 14. YOU’RE GONNA LIKE IT. I THINK. I HOPE.

I literally had to take the numbers off this because the block was so long tumblr would not let me post it. this has never happened before JESUS CHRIST

[clownspiral]

my michael headcanons!

- michael shelley wears glasses, michael distortion does not 

- michael shelley is trans 

- michael shelley has a tooth gap! freckles too! 

- he commonly gets nicknamed mikey by his peers 

- michael shelley dots his i’s with hearts & just generally doodles a lot on things 

- michael shelley’s wardrobe consists mainly of sweaters, & he wears pink eyeshadow & nail polish 90% of the time. he’ll also often wear flowers in his hair, as well as earrings & other kinds of jewelry 

- michael shelley loves singing 

- michael shelley is a painter but mainly keeps it to himself 

- michael shelley keeps many houseplants 

- michael shelley is kinda a stickler for the rules & comes across as lowkey bossey at times, but he’s too sweet to ever say anything Genuinely rude (even in situations where he definitely Should) 

- michael shelley had a LOT of pets (snails, dogs, lizards - you name it) & continues to care for them as michael distortion (though they do not recognize who he is...) until they all pass on naturally 

- michael shelley often cat-sits for gertrude’s Several cats (she always chooses him cuz he’s the only assistant who will do it 100% free) 

- michael distortion has dark blue blood 

- michael distortion smells like honey 

- michael distortion cannot be killed through Bodily Harm but it dislikes being hurt nonetheless 

- michael distortion’s skin is ice cold to the touch & is much paler than michael shelley’s was 

- michael distortion changes colors based on its mood (YOU figure out what this means!) 

- michael distortion’s hair moves to emote with it 

- michael distortion moves silently & enjoys sneaking up on its human friends, especially martin blackwood 

- michael distortion is worried at first that the new archivist is going to do the same thing to his assistants as gertrude did. it is especially worried for the well-being of martin in the earlier phase of his employment under jon’s supervision 

- michael distortion Hates elias/jonah and avoids him at all costs 

- elias cannot See the distortion & is unable to read its mind 

- michael distortion invites the leftover spiral avatars into its hallways to hang out 

- michael distortion transports its human friends (the ones trusting enough to step through the door) to the places they would like to visit 

- michael distortion cooks & bakes for its human friends & absolutely does not pay for a single ingredient it uses 

- michael distortion purrs, chirps, growls, etc. 

- michael distortion sits in unconventional positions 

- michael distortion has a LOT of teeth 

- michael distortion is very good at singing & whistling 

- michael distortion enjoys gardens & flowers 

- michael distortion cannot sleep but often feigns it (in other words, dresses up in pajamas and lays still with its eyes closed for several hours on end) 

- michael distortion’s stomach cannot digest human food so it only Pretends to eat and doesn’t actually ever swallow 

- michael distortion can (AND WILL) float at will 

- post-spiral michael has no choice but to work at the archives since he was already marked by the eye during his pre-spiral years. he considers blinding himself but has no one to take care of him if he does, so he’s forced to become jon’s assistant (much to both men’s dismay) 

- elias changes some of the institute’s doors to yellow ones just to screw with post-spiral michael. everyone agrees that this is a Huge Dick Move 

- post-spiral michael straightens (& eventually cuts) his hair in an effort to look less like the distortion 

- post-spiral michael wears contact lenses cuz glasses remind him of his old self. he also changes up his fashion a lot & asks to not be called mikey, his old nickname 

- post-spiral michael avoids mirrors & doors, and he ALWAYS carries keys to each door of his home right around his neck 

- post-spiral michael has sensory issues & gets overloaded easily 

- post-spiral michael has horrible night terrors & panic attacks 

- post-spiral michael cannot STAND being lied to, including little white lies 

- post-spiral michael would find post-spiral helen to be the easiest to trust & would have a natural bond with her right off the bat. however he refuses to trust Anyone as completely as he trusted Gertrude before the spiral 

- post-spiral michael would be quite afraid of post-spiral helen leaving him & would follow her around a lot to make sure she isn’t going to disappear 

- post-spiral michael is touched by the lonely but has too much of a deep hatred for peter lukas (whom boated him directly to his death) to fall all the way into it 

- post-spiral michael is Mean at first, as in he’s got some serious anger issues, but he starts to soften up over time (with the Help of therapy, which was strongly advised by martin, who actually sees the same therapist michael ends up seeing) 

- post-spiral michael highkey blames himself for what happened to him and resents his past self. he only starts to really move on from everything when he finally begins to forgive himself for being tricked & accepts that not everyone is going to be the same as gertrude 

- it takes the Longest for post-spiral michael to warm up to the archivist (who he starts calling “Jon” after a while) but. he’s trying. he has a lot to re-learn about Being Human & has some really deep injuries to heal, but the people around him are being kindly patient with him & eventually? he’s going to be okay. he’s not going to be the Same as he was before, not ever, but he’s going to find a New Version of okay. <3  

[calpalirwin]

Change Your Mind

Summary: Calum runs into an old flame

Word Count: 2.4k

And away, and away we go!

__

“C’mon!” Calum laughed, grabbing her hand and breaking out into a run, the night air cool on his face.

“Cal, wait!” she laughed along with him, breathless as he dragged her along. “My legs aren’t as long as yours!”

“Here!” he said, an idea coming to him. He stopped in his tracks, crouching slightly. “Hop on.”

She jumped on his back, wrapping her legs over his hips and her arms around his neck.

“Aw!” Michael’s girlfriend, Amanda, mock-pouted at the blonde, swatting at his arm. “Why can’t you carry me like that?”

Michael side-stepped away from his girlfriend. “I can either hold you, or the baby. Which is it?”

“Don’t you dare drop my baby, Clifford. That’s precious cargo.”

“Your baby? Last I checked it was our baby.”

“Cutest boy this world has ever seen!” Y/N called out from her spot on Calum’s back.

“Hey!” Calum protested, loosening his hold on her legs like he was gonna drop her.

“Calum!” she shrieked.

He laughed as he tightened his grip. “Better watch yourself.”

“You wouldn’t really drop me, would you?” Her voice was a whisper by his ear.

He tilted his head to the side to flash her a grin. “Never, baby. I’ll always catch you.”

“Mmm, you better,” she warned, kissing at his cheek.

“Fuck, this is amazing isn’t it?” Amanda asked as she laid down in the grassy field. “It’s like the whole world is spread out before us.”

“Today, high school graduates. Tomorrow… who knows! We’ll make it up as we go!” Michael said with a grin.

“Tomorrow, London,” Calum came up with his answer. “We’re gonna be rockstars, Mike.”

In that moment, staring up at the night sky, the four friends’ futures never looked brighter or more tightly intertwined.

~Ten Years Later~

“Mike? You get one of these too?” Calum asked, flashing an envelope with their high school crest on it.

“Yup,” Michael responded, not tearing his eyes away from the screen and the video game he was playing with his son, Lincoln. “Can’t believe it’s already been ten years.”

“I can,” came Amanda’s slight scoff. “We got the time stamp to prove it, Mikey.” She ruffled both her husband’s and son’s hair with either of her hands.

“You say ‘time stamp’ I say ‘son.’”

“You say ‘son’ I say ‘winner’!” the ten year old boy gloated, rising to his feet for a victory dance.

“What?!” Michael stared at the screen in disbelief, setting his controller aside. “How in the?!”

“In yo face!” Lincoln continued to boast.

“Oh, yeah?” Michael asked before charging to tickle his son’s sides while the boy broke out into a high-pitched giggle.

“Mikey, stop. The boy can’t breathe. Look, he’s turning pink,” Amanda scolded.

Michael let go, looking over at his wife innocently. “So, did you wanna go to this reunion?”

“Yeah. I’d love to see Y/N again. She hasn’t seen Link since he was a baby. Oh! And we can finally meet her daughter!”

“Babe!” Michael hissed, but the damage was done.

“Y/N has a daughter?” Calum asked, body snapping to attention.

“Yeah…” his friends admitted.

“Hmm… good for her. How old?”

“Uh…”

“How old is she?” Calum repeated, gritting his teeth, his brown eyes darkening.

“Cal…” Michael started, keeping his voice low. “She made us swear not to tell you.”

“HOW OLD IS SHE?!” Calum barked, grabbing Michael by the front of his shirt. “TELL ME!”

“9! She’s 9!” The woman told him, her voice shaking.

Calum released Michael, slumping back like he had the wind knocked out of him. “9?” he croaked, tears springing to his eyes. “Is she…?” He pointed at himself

Michael nodded. “Yeah, mate. Look, this wasn’t how you were supposed to find out...”

“How the fuck was I supposed to find out then?! You two lied to me for 9 fuckin’ years! She lied to me!”

“I know! But we didn’t want to! We begged her to tell you. But she had convinced herself it wasn’t worth bothering you about. That she’d figure out a way to tell you. Mate, you gotta believe me. We wouldn’t have hidden this from you if we had a choice.”

Calum hung his head in his hands. “I can’t believe this… I can’t believe this is happening… I think I’m gonna be sick…”

“D- do you want to see pictures?”

The man nodded, and Michael fiddled around on his phone. “I saved all the pictures into an album. Here.”

Calum took the phone in shaking fingers, slowly scrolling through someone’s lifetime. His daughter’s lifetime. “Fuck… she looks just like Y/N…”

“Funny. Y/N says she looks like you.”

“Yeah, I can see it a little in her face. Are my cheeks really that squishy?”

“Yes,” was the laughed response.

Calum sighed, passing the phone back. “So, when do we leave?”

~~~

Calum spotted her the second he walked in the hotel ballroom, nostalgia hitting him like a tidal wave. Every promise whispered on skin they had broken with goodbye flashed in his head like a movie as he made his way to her. He didn’t know if he was more angry, or just flat out crushed. “What’s her name?” he asked once he was in earshot.

“Wow. That’s gotta be a record for the Cliffords. Never were the type to keep a secret.”

“Don’t deflect the blame on them. What’s her name?”

“Ari.”

“Why?”

“Cuz she needed a name.”

Calum breathed slowly. “Why didn’t you tell me?” he rephrased.

“It wasn’t your business.”

“Wasn’t my business?! She’s my daughter, Y/N!”

“Lower your fuckin’ voice!” she snarled, looking around the room before gripping his upper arm and pushing him outside like a scolded toddler.

“I want to meet her.”

Y/N scoffed. “Yeah. Fat chance of that happening.”

“Oh, so you're just gonna keep me from her for the second half of her life, too?”

“Half of her life? She’s 9, Calum.”

“That’s halfway to 18.”

“Not everyone leaves their family at 18 like you did Cal! Some people actually stay!”

“Excuse me?! That’s why?! You kept my daughter from me out of spite?! Because I had the guts to make something of myself?! In case you didn’t notice, Mike had the same story we did, and he got to do it with his kid!”

“You think you’re the only one who could be somebody?! I’ve busted my ass for the last decade to forget about all the promises we broke! And I did it all while raising the reminder of everything we were, and everything we were too scared we could be!”

“We were supposed to be somebodies together!”

“You left me!”

“I didn’t do it on purpose! I had to do what was best for me!”

“I did too!”

“I’m never gonna forgive you for this…”

“Good thing I never asked you to.”

“Oh, I can’t believe you! Who are you protecting? Her? Or you? I’m not the bad guy here. You’re the one who made a huge ass decision about our lives without talking to me about it.”

“Kinda like you did?”

“When did I ever do something without talking about it with you first?! I asked you to come with me to London. You didn’t want to. I said let’s try to make it work. You didn’t want that either.”

“We didn’t talk through shit, Cal. You talked. But you always had your mind made up before you ever opened your mouth. And you still do.”

“Then you should know that I’ll do whatever it takes to meet her.”

“Fine. She has a soccer game in the morning. I guess you could come to that.”

“She plays soccer?”

“Of course she plays soccer. She’s yours, ain’t she? Memorial Park. 9am. Don’t you dare be late.”

“I’ll be there. And hey, you look good by the way.”

“Ew,” she scoffed, but even in the dim lighting he saw her cheeks pinken. “You look… alright I guess. Your curls always did suit you better in my opinion.”

~~~

Even if Calum hadn’t seen the pictures of Ari, he would have been able to pick her out of a crowd with her wild, dark curls held out of her face in a ponytail as she ran about the field. Calum and Y/N sat in tense, but not uncomfortable silence next to each other in the stands before Calum finally spoke up at the start of the second half. “You know you robbed me of 9 years worth of mornings like this?”

“5, actually. She’s been playing since she was 4.”

“Was talking about mornings spent watching our daughter, but I’m glad you agree with me.”

“I didn’t ‘rob’ you out of spite, Calum. I know you already made up your mind that I did. And if that’s what you’re determined to believe, I don’t particularly care all that much. Like I said last night, it’s not like I’m asking you to forgive me.”

“If you think my mind’s made up, then you shouldn’t see an issue with telling me why. Humor me.”

“It’s because we didn’t need you. And I don’t say that to hurt you.”

He scoffed. “Could’ve fooled me. Were you ever going to tell me?”

“I thought about it a lot. But the longer time went on, the harder it became. I mean, I didn’t find out I was pregnant until you were already gone. I was 18 and alone. Did I make mistakes along the way? Yeah, probably. But I did what I thought was best. And calling you up in tears so you could give up your dream of being a rockstar to rescue us wasn’t on that list. I didn’t want you to resent me more than you already did.”

“I couldn’t resent you if I tried. And trust me… I tried. You should’ve told me.”

She shrugged. “Yeah, maybe. But we didn’t need you, Cal. And you didn’t need us. And all three of us turned into the people we were supposed to be.”

“Agree to disagree. You may not have needed me, but maybe I needed you guys. And maybe the person I was supposed to be was supposed to be a dad to our daughter. And I may not be able to get these last nine years back, but I’ll be damned if I don’t get the next nine. And all the years after that.”

She shook her head, eyes rolling behind her sunglasses. “It’s not that simple, Cal. You can’t undo the damage we dealt with some inspiring words.”

“And who’s fault is that? Look, I’m not saying it’s gonna be easy. But I want to be in her life. You gotta trust me here.”

“It’s not that I don’t trust you, Cal. It’s not like you ran away. I mean, you did. But I had my chance to go with you. And I had my chance to try and make it work. And I haven’t asked you to forgive me because I don’t deserve to be forgiven. I had our two best friends lie for me because I was too scared to confront you myself. And I lied to myself by saying I was doing it for your sake. So you could live your dream. I saw how hard it was for Amanda and Michael in the beginning. I wanted better for us. And I’m willing to admit that maybe I went about it the wrong way. But playing these maybe/maybe not scenarios isn’t going to change the past.”

“I’m not looking to change the past, Y/N. I just want to be in her future. Don’t you think I have that right?”

“Yes. And that breaks my heart, Cal.”

“How does th-?” he asked in confusion, before the realization hit. “Oh… Because you made up your mind that I just want her. That I’ll never be over what you did to even contemplate wanting you too. Guess I’ll just have to change your mind.”

She blinked, not believing she heard him correctly. “Y- you want me too?”

“How could I want my daughter, and not the woman who gave her to me? Yes, I want you too.”

“Cal…” she warned tearfully. “If you’re lying, I’ll never forgive you.”

“And if I’m telling the truth?”

“I just might have to kiss you.”

“Pucker up, sweetheart. Been waiting 10 years for this kiss, so you can bet it’ll be a long one.”

“Who are you, and why are you trying to kiss my mom?” a small voice demanded.

Y/N snickered into her hand while Calum took in the girl with her hands on her hips and a fiery look in her eyes. “Ari, sweetheart, this is my old friend, Calum.”

Ari looked Calum up and down skeptically, her hands coming off her hips so she could cross her arms over her chest. “That answers the first part of my question…”

“Ari!” Y/N gasped in shock.

“What? I’m not wrong. Now, why are you trying to kiss my mom, Calum?” She cocked her head to the side waiting for an answer.

“Because that’s what adults do when they love each other,” Calum answered, taking the path of least resistance.

“No… when adults love each other they have se-”

Y/N’s eyes went wide as her hand flashed out to cover Ari’s mouth, pulling the girl towards her. “That’s enough out of you. Would you behave? Please?”

The girl huffed, rolling her eyes. “Fmm!” was the muffled response. She huffed again when her mouth was uncovered, hands brushing down the front of her jersey with unnecessary sass. “So, you love my mom?”

“Yes. Very much so.”

“Good. Because she loves you, too.”

“Oh, does she?” Calum asked with a smirk. “And how do you feel about me?”

“Mmmm… you’re alright I guess. As long as you don’t try to kiss my mom in front of me again.”

“Ari?” Y/N asked softly.

“What?! That was nice!”

“Get your stuff. I’ll meet you at the car.”

“Ew! You are gonna kiss him!” the girl squealed with a shudder, before running off to get her things.

“So, where were we?” Calum asked, rising to feet and closing the distance between him and Y/N.

“Right about here,” she breathed, stretching up on her toes to greet his lips.

“Ari! Who’s that kissing your mom?!” one of Ari’s teammates asked her as they giggled into their hands.

Both Y/N and Calum could hear the eye roll in their daughter’s voice as she answered with a sigh, “Oh, that’s just my dad.”

__

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[fuzziemutt]

can u tell us some stuff abt Michael, Elizabeth, and Chris?? 👀

Boy howdy i sure can !

Michael: (nickname Mike/Mikey)

He's the 2nd oldest of the bunch ! He was adopted around i think the age of 2 I'm placing it ? Either way, growing up he was quite the bully ! He especially was often quite mean to Chris and it was mostly because he didn't know when to stop and would often take things too far even if by accident which is how he got Chris killed in 83. After the event he became much less rowdy especially as his friends were kinda scared of him so he spent more time with will (since will was mostly tinkering with things in the basement or being a ghost in the home). Will didn't start blaming Mike for what happened until after he left. However, after Henry skadoodled with him he started to go back into his habits of pushing people too far. While at first he was confused why Henry took them away from his dad with only drunken murmers of how will did awful things as an answer, he soon started to resent Henry because he clearly remembered all the times Henry would yell at Will for nothing and believes Henry is lying. This started to foster a bit of a major problem with authority, trust and anger issues as he started to act out to get Henry's attention in any sense. By high school he even joined a school gang and gained a reputation for being quite cruel to people (some would even rumor that he killed a guy once but he never did). He was pretty smart and kept the grades he just was never at school and got into a lot of disciplinary issues. He finally left Henry soon after graduation to go search for his dad after they had one final explosive argument over everything that happened and how Hen only cared about Charlie so he grabbed his stuff and left. He found his own apartment and got some part times to help pay and even would go to college classes at night.

While he still was quite a dicc, he actually started taking steps to try and better himself as he saw this move away as a way to restart and he didn't want to end up like his papa. He even starts going to therapy; while he still has his slip ups and explosive episodes still, he at least tries to be a decent guy if he can.

He looks weirdly quite similar to willy besides certain key features that clearly set them apart, and him and will later joke that he's will's son if will was ever straight

Elizabeth: (nickname eli or lizzie)

She was the 2nd death to occur and is Chris' twin sister. They were adopted at a young age as well and they're the youngest of the bunch. Eli is the younger of the two twins but she likes to act like the older. She's very outgoing and rambunctious ! She's not quite mischief as say charlie or michael but she does sometimes like to pull a joke on someone. She's very blunt and pretty stubborn too especially when it comes to something she wants. She always seems to know what's on Chris' mind and would fight anyone for her brother. After Chris' death, she became quite upset with Michael and wouldn't be in the same room as him instead opting to play in her room. Will tried to play with her the most during the time before she died and she was the only one he could get a bit of his old enthusiasm for.

She died around the age of 10 and while she successfully bonded with baby she also melded with her ai so they essentially became one. As baby, she has a hard time remembering those prior which is how she mistaken michael for willy but still wasn't quite sure who he was just that he was important and familiar.

Had she grown up properly she'd have most likely became a butch lesbian and quite the activist

Chris: (nickname goldey (because he carried his golden fredbear plush everywhere with him))

Chris obviously is the older half of Eli ! He's also Will's favorite child and would often sit in his lap during family time. He was selectively mute so he had a hard time connecting with other kids. Will and Henry started trying to learn finger spelling and teach it to Chris to try and help him for in public talk. Most of the time he would speak with his sister and his dads in private but he wouldn't speak to Michael which would annoy him. He'd also get scared and overwhelmed easily so it became difficult to watch him when the restaurant started getting popular but Eli had a knack for calming him down. He always clung to his dads in public if he could and many would get onto will and hen for still carrying around their 8 year old so much but they would always shut those people down.

He died in the hospital rather than right as the bite occured.

As golden freddy, his soul isn't as persistent as eli's to really push the suit to move much and he mostly just hides out of fear. He doesn't remember much of the prior just to be wary of foxy/red and that purple and orange are good, safe colors.

Had he been able to grow up properly he would have learned asl and learned to cope a bit better with his anxiety. He would still be selectively mute which is okay but he wouldn't be as terrified all the time (He'd grow to hate foxy tho).

He'd also probs be cis but most likely a demiromantic ace

Lots of ramblings infos in this one ! Let me know if you need anything cleared up !

[itoshit]

Opening the door, I was met with Vee, laying on the bed. None of us talked, and as I noticed tears running down her face, I couldn't prevent the tight smile from showing up.

Hey Venus

I knew what I was doing. I knew Vee would be mad, but I also knew that I hadn't have any choice.

Your hair... you did it for me?

Yes I did

No I didn't. I just thought that I would be able to attract more chicks that way

You're funny Manji'

She cracked a smile at my reply, but I didn't reflect her expression.

Manjiro will do yeah? Look Venus.

Approaching her and sitting by her side, I turned to her, resuming my talk.

It was dumb of me. Everything really. I think... how could I put it. You're a nice girl, but I don't think you're a good match for me. I need my woman to be more courageous and less of a crybaby you know? So yeah, it was fun while it lasted, but I kinda grew tired of you. Not to be mean though, it happens every day. I don't want to waist more time on you, so as soon as you're healed, you can start your life again alright? Koko could help you with money, we'll buy you a new apartment.

Vee didn't seem to listen anymore, her eyes were on me, but she didn't look as if she was believing me.

You're lying

Guess I will have to be more convincing them. Passing a hand through my hair, I grinned at her.

Look Venus, the sex was good, but you're getting too attached. You even said to Kakucho that you liked me! Really? Baby I was keeping you around because I pitied you. To be honest, I wanna fuck other girls now.

I needed to hurt her. To make her let go of me.

Senju wanted to see me tonight so... yeah.

Vee started being more aggressive with me, explaining it by the request that I had for her to be mine and me to be hers. I knew all that, and of course I wanted us to be together. But it wouldn't work. Not with an angel like her.

Look Venus, don't be a bore yeah? Don't act like we were together or anything. I don't like you, I stayed because your pussy was good. End of the story! I need to get ready for my little date, so I'm gonna go now. So huh... have some rest yeah?

Patting her uninjured leg, I didn't wait for her to answer and I winked at her, exiting the room.

As the door was closing, I closed my eyes, breathing deeply.

I was used to all that, but this time, I would make sure that the person I held close to my heart would stay alive, regardless of my feelings.

Sacrificing my happiness didn't look that bad if that meant for Vee to stay alive. Would I be able to see her with someone else? No. Did I even have a say in the matter? No.

-Mikey

I- I feel so bad rn??😭😭

And I hope you ate after !

OHHH OKAY MICHAEL!

I don’t like you. I pitied you. I don’t want to waste anymore time on you.

I knew he was lying. I knew every word he said to me was nothing more than fabricated bullshit he probably came up with on the drive here. There wasn’t any way somebody could fake the things we said to each other, the things we did. I knew that. So why was there a small part of me that was hurt? Who was contemplating the possibility that they were true. Of course it wasn’t… right?

I waited in that bed, saving my forgiveness for when he’d burst through the door five minutes later groveling at my feet, begging for mercy. I waited, despite the tears on my face that somehow knew he wasn’t. I waited and waited and waited. He never showed. That’s when I sobbed, big, heaving, blubbering ones. I sat there crying for what felt like forever, until I couldn’t even produce tears anymore. And then I got angry.

Pressing my nurse’s button, I ripped the IV out of my wrist and the other machines checking my vitals, watching blood trickle all along the sheets. I didn’t care about it. I couldn’t stay another second in this fucking place. If Mikey wanted nothing to do with me after I healed, then I’ll do him something better. The nurse ran in panicked, eyes wide. I watched her gape at the sheets, at the flatlining monitors and then at me. I didn’t even give her time to speak. I had already begun to stand.

I need to get out of here, I told her, lifting myself up from the bed.

She charged at me, trying to push my shoulders back down but I wouldn’t budge. What are you doing? Your wounds haven’t healed yet!

I repeated myself, but she was still panicking, going off about something I refused to care about. Irritated, I take the collar of her scrubs and yank, bringing her close to me. Listen to me, I need to get the fuck out of this building and if you don’t help me, I’m going to find a fire escape and do it that way. Or maybe I’ll jump out of the window, break my fucking neck. Can you live with knowing somebody died on your watch because you wouldn’t help them? Would you be able to stomach it?

The words coming out of my mouth were unrecognizable to me. I got petty with my friends and said shit I didn’t mean, but this was cruel and excessive. I guess this what Mikey was turning me into.

I let her go only after she nods her agreement, looking ready to burst into tears by the second. First, I’ll need a disguise. No matter what Mikey had just told me, I knew he wouldn’t let me out of his sight if he caught me doing this. And being trapped around Mikey was not going to fly. Fuck no. Where’s the clothes you came in wearing?

I-In my bag in our locker rooms, she stammered.

Bring them. I need to change.

She went out of the room and came back, bag in trembling hand. I dressed quickly and keeping my head down, I allowed her to sneak me straight out of the building and around the back where her car was parked. Then I asked her to drive me somewhere.

What? I can’t d—

Why not? I asked without caring to consider her feelings. The poor woman probably didn’t get paid enough for this. Is there anybody else Bonten gives a fuck about that requires you giving them medical attention?

N-no.

Good. I grinned. That means you’re off for the day. Now drive. You don’t have to worry about Mikey, this is what he wanted. A half truth considering he certainly wouldn’t have wanted me to be out of his life this quickly, but I skipped a few steps for my sanity and his life. If I had to be in his vicinity I probably would have killed him.

We got in the car and sped off, me giving her directions as soon as she started driving. I watched the building grow smaller and smaller in the rearview, doing my best to ignore the thudding in my heart. The pain. The stress of everything I had been through on top of this bullshit. My thigh throbbed dully in reminder beneath the bandage. Eventually, we arrived at the destination of my choice, and I was sure to thank her for everything she did. I couldn’t give her anything but gratitude. I didn’t have any money. My phone was still in that torture room where I left it, and all the shit Mikey bought me most likely didn’t survive in that collision that got me kidnapped in the first place. I was grateful for that last one. I needed no reminders of him.

I quickly hopped out of the car, hobbling toward the door of the place I had requested to go. The nurse, who’s name I realized I never asked for, pulled out of the yard before I even entered the door. Couldn’t say I blamed her. I pressed the ringer on the door, pushing on it when it buzzed open. Immediately the stench of animal hit me full force. The sound of dogs barking and cats meowing brought a smile to my face.

Then I heard him. Who’s at the d- His words got caught in his throat, most likely at the sight of me.

Hey, Dee. I had cried all my tears out for the day in that bed. I could only express my emotions in humor. The boss hasn’t fired me yet, right?

Then I started to fall, but he caught me just in time, sobbing my name into my neck. I hugged him back tightly, heart bursting for an entirely different reason now. I was safe. I was home.

Six months came and went in a blur. I spent most of it being interrogated by police and interviewers alike. I kept my stories the same. I didn’t know my kidnappers. I never saw their faces. I never knew why I was kidnapped. Despite the fact that I could draw a detailed picture of Mikey’s face in my sleep, I didn’t sell out Bonten. I had gotten into the last predicament by them thinking I was an enemy, I didn’t want to prove that I actually was one. And besides, I wanted nothing to do with him or atleast that was the story I was feeding myself.

I never saw Natalie again. I didn’t know what Mikey did with her, and I didn’t have it in me to care. My conversations with Angel and Tati stopped a bit after they realized that too. I was glad. I was starting to grow tired of pretending I missed the traitor, and they were tired of pretending like they didn’t resent me for being the one who made it out.

Darren and I were practically inseparable. He had become my right hand, driving me around to physical therapy, helping me assimilate back into society, and still managed to keep the last bit of normalcy I had before I left during work, cracking jokes as if nothing happened. From the outside looking in, it almost was as if nothing did happen, but you had to look closer. I couldn’t sleep at night. Nightmares plagued my dreams every waking day, either of Koda, Mikey’s men who had groped me, or Mikey himself. The only time I managed to sleep was on my lunch breaks, much to Darren’s dismay. But other than that? I was okay, doing what I loved again and surrounded by genuine people.

Now Darren was convinced that what I was missing was a social life. Just come out with me, Vee. It’s just drinks at a bar with a few of my friends. We’ll even leave before 11pm.

Because your bedtime is 10, I teased, laughing when he nudged me.

I’m serious, he whined. It won’t be awkward I promise they already know- He cut himself off.

Perhaps that was the most awkward part of all of this. Everybody knew me now as the girl who survived her ‘kidnapper’. Imagine what they’d think if I told them that technically he wasn’t my kidnapper. They’d probably faint if they found out I fucked him too.

It’s okay, Dee. I was all over the news. They’re bound to know.

Still, they’re not assholes. They won’t treat you any differently. I promise. And if you’re still uncomfortable we could leave and I’ll never bother you about this again for the rest of my life. Pretty please?

I mentally groaned. Darren could get annoying when he was pleading, and it wasn’t like I had anything else to do. My routine consisted of home, work, school, occasional grocery store, gym and repeat. Nothing else exciting.

Fine, I relented, trying not to smile at his loud whoops. But I’m leaving at 10 alright?

Alright, he cheered, hugging me. Let me text the guys right now! This is going to be awesome! You won’t regret this , Vee.

I sure hoped so.