#misato is my new favorite can you tell?

[yaboi8i]

Misato and Shinji's relationship is probably my favorite in all of Eva and it is not talked about enough.

It's so fascinating, heartwarming and tragic. She gave him a surrogate mother figure who made him feel like family for the first time in his life and she got someone who loved her as more than an object. They were so close to helping eachother through the things that absolutely plauged their lives with this surrogate family relationship and it is utterly tragic how it all came crashing down because they didn't know how to navigate themselves through the horrible circumstances they were in at the end. God I wish more people talked about them without mischaracterizing them or boiling them down to memes. It pisses me off so much when that's the only thing people talk about with them.

[kendrixtermina]

As someone who’s still new to the fandom, what is your view of the idea that Shinji is a misogynist? I do think it’s an interesting argument but it’s always used by antis that view Kawoshin as the only valid pairing for Shinji. Also, what are your thoughts on the idea that you can’t call Asuka a bully because of what Shinji does to her in EoE or Shinji not being afraid of her and her not having any real power over him when he gets favoritism from Misato? I like and relate to Asuka a bit but I noticed fans who argue Shinji’s trauma isn’t an excuse for his actions are more willing to do so for Asuka. Reishin is one of my OTPs and I feel like people have a misguided view of it and those who ship it.

Even though I have much to say on all these topics and suspect that if we compared our opinions we would mostly agree, I never quite know what to say when I get asks like this because I feel like someone is asking me for permission to have an opinion.

Either I'm being expected to join a circlejerk to riff on others, or elevated an authority and both of those are things I do not believe in. I'm very anti authority & pro self-determination and the last thing I want to be is someone that people go to to take their takes from. I want to be someone who encourages people to have or make their own takes.

I don't believe in telling people what to think, and I don't think I'd be doing right by you if I just told you my opinions (for all that I am tempted to go off) without adressing the underlying notion/implication that your opinion is only valid if someone agrees with it or that opinions different from mine are not allowed and must be torn down. I think those essayists's takes are kinda stupid & unoriginal, but I'm not going to go on a crusade to tear them down. Especially when Eva is the kind of show that's deliberately a sort of rorscharch test that lets ppl project onto it whatever they are carrying inside them.

You can just have an opinion. You need no one's permission.

At some point you're going to have to be ok with seeing people have stupid takes without immediately running to someone else to validate your different opinion.

Especially if it's this sort of mass-produced single-issue analysis that oversimplifies the source material & is always looking for things to be mad at and flattens down the entire world to just one set of categories such as 'man' or 'woman'. Bad takes will always be around; It is a vital life skill to ignore them & realize that you can just... think for yourself. Nobody can stop you. Kill the cop that lives in your head.

Don't agree with those essays? Have a different interpretation?

Ok! You don't need my agreement for that.

[cloverinblue]

Saw EoE in theaters last Sunday and the images and sounds are like in my mind since then.

First saw it when I was around Shinjis age and I think in that experience I was pre-occupied with Shinjis experience and what he must have felt. It was kinda a lot.

Despite this it became a comfort film for me then. Like I’d put it on the DVD before I went to bed and would wake up to the menu cycling through. Would also listen to the OST on my cd player a lot.

Last time I saw EoE recently was probably 2019 when it went onto Netflix and it always leaves something behind in me.

This time around after seeing it so many times, the sound was a lot clearer in a theater so I heard a lot more and noticed more details. Also noticed new things now I’m older.

Like Misato was trying so hard and throwing everything at the wall to get Shinji to hear her - like you could see her dropping strategies and adopting new ones mid-dialogue. She felt like an adult woman fr.

Also knowing that Anno is an autistic man you can hear see where Shinjis frustrations are sourced - ‘Why can’t you tell me what you want? Can’t you speak more clearly?’ things like that

Asuka makes 10,000% more sense to me then she did when I was Shinjis age. Like I almost didn’t like her then but like her overwhelming feelings make sense to me now. Also I just choke when she realizes her mom was there the whole time.

I love Maya Ibuki - fav minor character. I want to rewatch rebuild and watch her scenes closely. Kinda like that she became more cynical as she aged.

The latter part is my favorite part. I think this is why it was a comfort film for me for a time.

Also since the credits were in the middle, the last scene happened and then everyone had to leave the theater. What a weird feeling.

[more-than-a-princess]

@tricksheart asked: Have you made any new blogs or added any new muses this year? How have they been going?

End of the Year Asks - Accepting!

Oh my goodness, no. This blog keeps me plenty busy! And I'm reluctant to make a multimuse RP blog because, generally, my focus tends to be on very few muses at a time (by at a time, I mean years), and I wouldn't want to get someone's hopes up when they ask for a muse I'm not feeling up to writing.

A lot of 2022 was making sure I don't take on more interactions than I can handle, so I focused mostly on my reboot of this blog. So no more than one blog, no multis, and reply to threads in a timely manner unless they're dropped or finished!

That said, if I were to take on new muses? These would be the contenders:

Anime/Manga:

Fujiko Mine (Lupin III) - Probably my highest contender. I wrote for her a little on her own blog, but it was too hard to maintain this blog and Fujiko's. I also have the most flexibility in terms of different verses to write in, which is, in my opinion, crucial in the indie RPC community to find writers. Your fandom likely won't be popular forever: being able to write in different verses and AUs is important.

Misato Katsuragi (Evangelion) - Not as interested in writing her outside of the Evangelion universe, so I haven't pursued writing her again.

Julia (Cowboy Bebop) - Ditto, but I prefer to only write her in the Cowboy Bebop anime verse.

Books/Movies/TV:

Bridgerton:

Francesca Bridgerton

Penelope Featherington

I could pretty much write the Bridgerton muses I like in both their Regency verse and in a modern AU, if needed.

A Court of Thorns and Roses / ACOTAR (ahahaha here we go...my new fandoms):

Nesta Archeron (probably the highest priority out of all my favorite SJM potential muses!)

Morrigan

Gwyneth Berdara

Emerie (hi yes I really like the Valkryies how can you tell)

Elain Archeron (mostly I'd want to choose between writing Gwyn or Elain. I wouldn't write both, and Elain already gives me some Sonia vibes, though she's way better at household tasks!)

Throne of Glass / ToG (Full disclosure: I'm a little more than halfway through my first read of Kingdom of Ash, and once I'm done I'll have finished the series):

Lysandra (my ToG fave! A little easier to put into generic fantasy than the ACOTAR ladies, imo, but she'd have to retain her abilities)

Yrene Towers

Generally, my interest leans more towards book (and TV I guess) muses than anything else these days, but there aren't a lot of crossovers in the anime RPC and the book/TV RPC, or at least the communities I'm interested in.

What's more likely? Adding an ACOTAR/ToG/SJM verse for Sonia eventually (yes, this means giving Sonia a fantasy verse. Finally. RIP/someone help me). I have a basic/underdeveloped Bridgerton verse for her already. The thing is, I've already got quite a few verses that aren't being used, so I'm reluctant to add more (and spend the time developing them more) if no one wants to interact with them.

That said, if I have mutuals who write Bridgerton RP, ACOTAR RP, or ToG RP and want to plot? Please let me know!

[mothman-misato]

in honor of the bakuten movie trailer and also because i can't stop thinking about, here's the long overdue mashiro interacting with mothman misato post (aka eden is back on his bullshit)

it might be beneficial to go read this hc post first because it gives some background on where im starting with this..

after misato goes through his transformation and comes back to school, mashiro is super suspicious

like his extremely punctual and fairly predictable best friend doesnt come to school for a whole month and can't even name what illness he had while he was absent

he's obviously worried for his friend, that's a given, but he just has a gut feeling that something is afoot

he's right, of course, but he doesn't know that yet

after misato gets back to school, mashiro waits until he's totally sure that misato is okay and things are back to normal and then he's just persistent as hell

constant pestering

popping up out of nowhere

on the level of misato and futaba appearing in the tree when onagawa was fake injured kind of pestering/stalking

misato gets super paranoid about it because like

obviously he's hiding something

but mashiro can't know that he's right, he was always taught that people can't know that he's part moth. it will scare them away and he's already had enough trouble making friends that he doesn't need the extra hurdle to get in his way.

but then he remembers his parents

(who ive had several hcs about, but my favorite is that his mother was also mothman but his dad wasn't so like it's a genetic thing)

his father had always been so kind and loving with b him and his mother, there had been no judgement or fear or negativity at all

in fact, in all his memories, his father seemed to glow even more with love when his mother transformed than he did at any other time...

maybe

just maybe

there were people out there who would be okay with the fact that he's mothman

he would have to take a risk in telling them, but he figured that some people were worth that risk

mashiro was one of those people

after about a month of pestering, misato finally gives in and tells mashiro. mashiro doesn't believe him at first, which is to be expected, but after misato shows him the transformation in person, mashiro is so pleased that he has such a cool best friend

he's also super pleased that he's the only non-family member that's been let in on the secret, it makes him feel special

in high school, when he learns that misato's whole team knows about him, he gets a little jealous that he's no longer the only person with this knowledge

he's a little prickly about it for a while

but then he's given the link to kurikoma's blog and misato talks to him about his outings with futaba

and he can't help but be okay with others knowing

i mean,, the pictures of misato just standing and staring at various lights in the ao high dorm is so funny and it gives mashiro so much material to use to tease him

and misato sounds so so happy talking about his time with futaba

that he can't help but be happy for his friend

so he lets go of his jealousy about it pretty easily

so there we have it, i finally made this post, which ive been planning since probably june or something..

for any new fandom members who've joined while ive been kinda inactive: first of all, hehe mothman misato. second of all, this is part of a series where i make hc posts about various people interacting with mothman misato. i reference a lot of the other posts in this one so if you wanna go back and read the rest you can find that here.

[mendrax]

My first review of Evangelion: 3.0+1.0 Thrice Upon a Time

Here’s my first impression under the cut...

The franchise as art.

Not just the Eva franchise but the concept of a franchise itself. Because franchises, as they exist in the world of filmmaking, are inherently a capitalist product designed for escapism. Let’s go to the movies for a brand new chapter in the ever-sprawling saga of commoditized characters conquering a new mile in the millennially trotted hero journey, yay! Isn’t that how you can describe the act of purchasing a ticket to the latest entry in your favorite franchise? And what’s so wrong with that, anyway? After all, we need our escapism when life becomes unbearable. It’s just a public service really!

And is Eva really that different? At the end of the day, no matter how avant-garde it can be, it’s still a product that we’ve come to consume, quite literally, again and again. Not only that, but it’s also a damn good profitable IP with millions of merchandise goods, box-office record numbers and, now, a distribution deal with one of the gods of capitalism: Amazon. Long gone are the days of non-profit experiencing of it. You can now legally pay to watch its whole audiovisual canon in Netflix and Prime.

Still, even after its paradoxical commodification, the text of Eva itself remains as a message of anti-escapism. No matter how many figures, blu-rays and streaming services you pay for, the message of Eva remains the same. A message that quite starkly opposes itself to this escapist consumerism. Even if, ironically, is this very message that, due to its humanity, has touched the hearts of millions who have then turned it into another comfort food. This is so sad, alexa play komm, susser tod…

Now, cynicism aside, the reason 3.0+1.0 elevates the concept of a franchise to an art form is, quite simply, because, at its best, art is a method of communication delivering a message that could only be delivered through its chosen medium. I could very easily tell you to go outside and touch some grass, talk to your parents and hug your dearest, but that’d never have the same impact as experiencing the Eva franchise from start to finish.

3.0+1.0 is a film that can’t work without experiencing all the films and TV episodes before it. I mean, it has its own beginning, middle and end but, really, its message can’t be as impactful without the other entries in its franchise. The film itself rehashes images and situations we’ve come to intimately know from its predecessors. Not only that but it converses with them, presenting nuanced and overt contrasts of key moments. Particularly in its final act, we see the reversal and echoes of a lot of moments from End of Evangelion. Asuka gets mangled, not by outside forces, but by her own doing. Misato gets shot but she survives this. Ritsuko shots Gendo, but doesn’t kill him. Shinji doesn’t punish Gendo by devouring him through Unit-01, but instead saves him by getting close to him. This last one might be one of the most heart-wrenching moments in the whole movie, which, it’s worth noting, serves as the wholesome counterpart to EoE’s bitter ending. To say nothing of the contrast 3.0+1.0 presents to EoE’s beach scene…

But these are all narrative points that, with some serious talent, could even be conveyed through literary form and film, as we know, its powerful because its an audiovisual medium. And here’s where Eva, time and again, separates itself from most, if not all, franchises in recent memory. Its images are not only narrative but discursive. I’d even argue that, come its ending, Eva uses images that don’t really advance its plot, but rather help to cement its discourse, its message. And its been doing that since eps 25-26… The last minutes of Eva will always be a Brechtian assault on the senses with images that demand to be studied and interpreted. They’re not there to finish the bedtime story with a kiss on the forehead of your overworked soul, but to shake it out of its zombie state and fill you with emotions you can’t even describe through words until much later, if at all… I believe that’s why a lot of us have come back to Eva again and again. Not necessarily for its plot, but for the rise of emotions and thoughts that bolt through your core as you experience its final moments and how they re-paint the whole journey you’ve just travelled to get there.

3.0+1.0 is filled with such images that, one day, I’d love to analyze. I’m still too shocked from having watched it almost 20 hrs ago and this is already too long, so I’ll leave this task for subsequent viewings… still my mind can’t help but replay certain images over and over, even as I write this… from Misato looking at the photo of her son and Shinji… Kaworu crying as Shinji extends his hand to him… the juxtaposition of Unit-01 lying on its side, staring at the phallic ruins of Nerv HQ, and Shinji, on the same position and equally sized, staring at the piano he played with Kaworu… baby Shinji blatantly rejecting Gendo, only to find comfort with his mom, and baby Asuka painfully looking at this from afar… to the shot of Shinji and Rei, discussing the neon genesis, on an dismantled theater, as frames from the TV anime are projected onto them and the brick wall behind them… I can’t word what these images mean yet, but I’m looking forward to doing it one day…

I suppose this has turned into a long ramble, but I’m still sure of my opening thought. 3.0+1.0 takes elements of every entry on the Evangelion franchise to express a message that could only be conveyed with such impact by having consumed the entire franchise beforehand, and it does so in a way that doesn’t perpetuate the comfortable escapism of other franchises. Its very message of anti-escapism and use of images that converse emotionally, aesthetically, and intellectually with the viewer prevent it from being purely a capitalist product designed for escapism. It’s a piece of art, worth of being discussed at the same level of any work from a grand master of any other type of art. But it’s also a franchise… hopefully this will inspire more franchises as art forms.

And now, as a post-scriptum, because no review of Eva is worth anything without some shameless personal history, I must say that my journey with Eva has been like none other piece of media… I was introduced by it at 18 years old, fresh out of high school, by the person who would become my best friend, and I remember, back then, finding it incredibly comforting and enigmatic. It helped me through a period of drastic change in my life, from changing majors halfway from English to Film, to becoming an older brother at 19 (after a life of being an only child). I was incredibly depressed and struggled with addiction for years after that. I related to Shinji and his perpetual running away from life but, now, seven years later I got to see the conclusion to that journey my best friend invited me to… I also earned my bachelor’s degree in film, have a comfortable job and have been sober for 10 months. I don’t run away as much but I’d be lying if I wasn’t still, somewhat, disconnected from most people in my life. To be honest, I related so much to Gendo’s story on this film and that scared me. It’s still hard to let people in but, still, there’s been some growth. Small victories that allowed me to accept this final film’s message as completely valid. It’s just so wholesome, isn’t it? And yet, there’s a bittersweetness to it… like in every ending, you’re glad it happened but it’s painful coming to terms that it’s over. I cried for a good thirty minutes after it was over, washing the tears away, only to stare at my reflection and turn into a sobbing mess… I’ll never get to experience anything like this for the first time and that’s just incredibly sad… still, I’m so fucking glad for it all, even the wait (as shorter as it was for me) and I do believe I’ll be able to say bye-bye, all of Evangelion… one day.

[buubuudesuwa]

Yes I have 3 asks but I am sad and gay so I'm writing this

(Template by @snk-warriors, credit to them.)

But um

Ai Miyashita fluff alphabet!

A ctivities - What do they like to do with their s/o? How do they spend their free time with them?

She loves to go out shopping! She takes you to all of her favorite stores and looks for clothes that would look cute on you. And she 100% brings you for ice cream after.

B eauty - What do they admire about their s/o? What do they think is beautiful about them?

She loves everything, but if she had to choose just one thing, her favorite is your smile. She loves making people happy, and if you smile, it's a sign that shes succeeding.

C omfort - How would they help their s/o when they feel down/have a panic attack etc.?

She'd pull them into a tight hug and try to get a smile from them. She's the CEO of cheering people up, so if you're sad, don't expect to be for long.

D reams - How do they picture their future with their s/o?

She loves to picture that they'll live in an apartment in a big city. She has a mental crisis over which last name you'll take if you get married.

E qual - Are they the dominant one in the relationship, or rather passive?

She's rather passive. She doesn't get jealous when you talk to others (*cough* ayumu I'm looking at you *cough cough*) and she knows that you still love her. On the other hand, she wants it clear that you're together, and she always has her arm around you.

F ight - Would they be easy to forgive their s/o? How are they fighting?

She's SUPER forgiving. The two of you usually don't fight, but when you do, it's usually not super serious and you forgive eachother within 5 minutes. And its never her who starts the fight.

G ratitude - How grateful are they in general? Are they aware of what their s/o is doing for them?

She knows very well everything you're doing for her, and she's so grateful to have you.

H onesty - Do they have secrets they hide from their s/o? Or do they share everything?

Shes not afraid to speak her mind. If she has a secret, she'll 100% tell. She doesnt like having secrets in relationships.

I nspiration - Did their s/o change them somehow, or the other way around? Like trying out new things or helped them overcome personal problems?

She's Ai. Theres no way you can date her and not find happiness and new hobbies and everything in between. She's so happy whenever she inspires you to so something.

J ealousy - Do they get jealous easily? How do they deal with it?

She doesn't get jealous. She literally doesn't. As long as you're happy, she doesnt care.

K iss - Are they a good kisser? What was the first kiss like?

She's a good kisser. Your first kiss was just when you were sitting, watching a movie together, and she learned over and kissed you. She seemed confident, but she was actually really nervous to do it.

L ove Confession - How would they confess to their s/o?

She'd invite them to a cafe, and after they ordered, she'd sit down with them, hold onto their hands, and tell them her real feelings. She gets so excited if you say you return them, and she'll be happier then you've ever seen.

M arriage - Do they want to get married? How do they propose? What would the marriage be like?

She'd love to marry her s/o. She wouldn't want the proposal to be too big, so she'd probably propose in the comfort of your own home. The wedding on the other hand? Absolutley Ginormous. Everyone she knows is there. And she knows a lot of people. It would be an autumn wedding, right when the leaves are the right color. The wedding would be outdoors, and the scenery would be amazing.

N icknames - What do they call their s/o?

She has lots of nicknames for her s/o, but the one she uses most frequently is 'sunshine'

O n Cloud Nine - What are they like when they are in love? Is it obvious for others? How do they express their feelings?

She talks about you. A lot. The rest of the idol club, misato, and her friends will all pick up on the fact she loves you very fast. And if you're around? She never leaves your side.

P DA - Are they upfront about their relationship? Do they brag with their s/o in front of others? Or are they rather shy to kiss etc. when others are watching?

In front of people, she won't show too much, but as said before, she definently walks around with you pulled close to her.

Q uirk - Some random ability they have that's beneficial in a relationship.

She's really good at making people smile. This is beneficial for obvious reasons.

R omance - How romantic are they? What would they do to make their s/o happy? Cliché or rather creative?

She's super romantic, she'll steal a kiss from you at any given moment. She'll go great lengths to make you happy, and she's super creative about it.

S upport - Are they helping their s/o achieve their goals? Do they believe in them?

Again. She's Ai. If you think for one second she won't support your goals and help you achieve them, you're very wrong.

T hrill - Do they need to try out new things to spice out your relationship? Or do they prefer a certain routine?

She loves to try new things. Your relationship means everything to her, so she wouldn't do anything she knows you wouldn't like.

U nderstanding - How good do they know their partner? Are they empathetic?

She knows you so well. Any time you say anything to her about yourself, she'll remember it. She's super empathetic aswell, if you're going through a tough time, she'll understand everything and try to help you through it.

V alue - How important is the relationship to them? What is it’s worth in comparison to other things in their life?

You're the most important thing in her life, besides her family. She loves you.

W ild Card - A random Fluff Headcanon.

She loves to bring food for you, and she'll being you absolutely anything you want. (She would 100% feed you if you wanted)

X OXO - Are they very affectionate? Do they love to kiss and cuddle?

Shes super affectionate. She could cuddle with you for hours and be content.

Y earning - How will they cope when they're missing their partner?

When she misses you, she'll find as much free time as possible for you, and try to meet up. If she doesn't have time, she'll text you every break she gets.

Z eal - Are they willing to go to great lenghts for the relationship? If so, what kind of?

She'll do anything for you. If you need anything, she'll do it for you. She loves to spoil you with her love and affection.

Woo. That took very long to type hehe. Ai is a very big comfort character and writing this cheered me up really fast. My writing style was pretty inconsistent, please bear with me for this lol. Thank you for reading! Likes + reblogs appreciated!

[gayidiot12]

Lets Talk About Neon Genesis Evangelion... And Why I Love It (With Pictures!!!)

Not a lot of people are going to read this and that’s okay. I have a problem, when it comes to getting attached to shows. The problem is I get REALLY attached. Like, I get emotionally invested in characters, locations, events, lore, everything. I’ve found that writing about a show, and how it makes me feel, helps me ease off this attachment.

Spoilers for the show below, even though its been out for longer than I’ve been alive.

So, I just watched the Netflix dub of NGE. This after seeing both the original Japanese dub, and the original English dub, and loving both of them. Generally, I liked the Netflix dub. I think the voice acting and dialogue has significantly improved in most areas. I’m not entirely sold on Shinji’s new voice actor, although they did such a wonderful job. I just think once you’re used to Spike Spencer as Shinji, its hard to hear it any other way. I have a few gripes though:

1. The pronunciation of NERV... I know... I know... it was changed to be closer to the German pronunciation meaning “soul” but “Nayerve” is as ugly as “moist”. It will always be “Nerve” in my heart.

The removal of swearing. In Japanese there is no swearing, so in the spirit of bringing the dub closer to the original, they removed it. However this is jarring in some spaces. “I’m the lowest of the low.” and such.

The removal of the gay subtext in episode 24... we’ll get to this...

So Moving on: EVA may not have been the best show to watch while locked up because of the ongoing pandemic. Like I said, I get ATTACHED, and this show, perhaps better than any other takes all the characters and locations you’ve grown to love... and it fucking destroys them. No mercy, at all. You like this character? That’s cool BOOM they’re gonna get emotionally destroyed just as things start going right in their life. 

Nowhere is that better exemplified than in Shinji. Now this is a character I really relate to. Much in the same way as him, my relationship with my father was tumultuous at best, and down right abusive at worst. I joined the army to get away from it. I guess you can say the army was my NERV, but instead of a giant purple robot (although its not actually a robot, that’s not important), I got a gun and got to sit in the desert for a few years.

Shinji sells me so hard on this series. Its easy to say hes a wimp, or a weakling, or a baby, and that’s all well and good. However if you want a ra ra action series, go watch Gundam or something. Shinji is a person, a flawed person. But a well written, understandably flawed person. He’s spent his life abandoned, and struggles to make connections with the people around him.

I’m going to Largely skip over talking about Rei, Auska, and Misato, because they too have all been analysed at length by people far more qualified than me. Needless to say, I love them all for different reasons. Particularly Misato, the troubled parental guardian. Shes an incredible leader and especially for the 1990′s, she’s a fantastic female character.

What I will go into though, is EVA’s numerous side characters who I love dearly. Particularly one (1) boy:

I would die for this boy, and in Evangelion fashion, I would’ve had to.

Everyone, from the 3 officers that work under Misato in operations, to Shinjis Classmates Kensuke and Toji (Toji seen above), to deputy commander Fuyutsuki, Dr. Akagi, are all fleshed out, interesting characters who I love in their own right. 

Toji in particular, “the jock with a heart of gold” is introduced at first, as a sort of antagonist. The first thing we seem him do is punch Shinji in the face. However, this wasn’t just in the name of being a dick, it was because (unknowingly) Shinji had injured his sister while battling the angels. 

Skipping over some (excellent) character development, they become best friends and low-key, I shipped it. From there, he goes on to become an EVA pilot just like Shinji, but after his start up test, his EVA loses control. Infected with an angel, it goes on a rampage. Against his will, Shinji is forced to put down the EVA, severely injuring Toji. In the original draft, Toji was going to be killed in this incident, and instead got off “easy”... only losing a leg. I’m skipping over alot of detail here, but chances are if you’ve seen the show, you know whats up. If not, go watch the goddamn show.

At this point the show doesn’t pull punches. In fact, episodes 16 onward are known for being gut punch after gut punch, breaking our characters down, and only partially rebuilding them. Some never recover at all.

All of this continues until episode 24. This episode left me a mess... and that’s all before Kaworu even shows his face.

For context: all of Shinji’s friends are gone, evacuated. The thriving, vibrant metropolis of Tokyo-3 has gone from this:

To this:

Annihilated. All of it. The world we built up, gone. And there alone Shinji sits, at the empty pit that used to be a city... and he runs into Kaworu. In the white haired boy he makes a friend, his only one in the weeks after the city was obliterated. In the original English dub (here comes the controversy) Kaworu is the first person to tell Shinji that he is loved, and worthy of being loved.

This is huge! its a small glimmer of hope for someone who has just been crushed over, and over again. Now in the Netflix dub, this line is translated as “you are worthy of my grace”. Did it bother me? yeah. Was I able to look past it? also yeah. In the end it did the same for me. 

However none of it is meant to last... Kaworu was an angel all along, and finally in what is technically the last episode of the series, after shinji has lost his friends, his home, any chance of a positive interaction with his father... he is forced to kill the one person who loves him.

FUCK

So episodes 25 and 26. I recommend everyone sit through them at least once. They help break down whats going inside shinji’s head during some key scenes in the movie: End of Evangelion.

End of Evangelion takes that destruction of everything Im attached to I keep mentioning, and dials it up to 11. We watch Nerv personnel get mercilessly gunned down, burned alive, or turned into fanta against their will. We watch Auska get horrifically ripped apart at the hands of the Mass Produced Evangelions... and we watch the horrifying destruction of humanity in perhaps my favorite concept for the end of the world... ever.

And after all of that... all of it... what happens at the end is mostly up for interpretation. Leaving me, tired, isolated, and bored, to spend my days thinking endlessly about this masterpiece of a show, its characters, and its world.

Listen, if you made it this far into my rant, thank you and I’m sorry. I definitely needed to get this all out of my system. 

God’s in his heaven, all is right with the world

[radrush]

give YOUR nge thoughts

this is gonna be super filled with spoilers in case any of my followers still haven’t seen this show for some reason

haven’t heard of it | absolutely never watching | might watch | currently watching | dropped | hated it | meh | a positive okay | liked it | liked it a lot! | loved it | a favorite probably my favorite show ever

don’t watch period | drop if not interested within 2-3 episodes | give it a go, could be your thing obviously it’s very intense and the lore is very confusing but it’s so worth what it demands | 5 star recommendation I've watched nge numerous times but it’s just one of those shows that’s filled with such detail and rich characterization that I seemingly find new things to consider every time I watch it

fav characters: Asuka is the neurotic queen and is probably the most entertaining character to witness on screen because of it but it also makes her the series’ most tragic character in my opinion. While she ultimately faces the same existential conundrums as Shinji (a sense of loneliness and isolation caused by lack of familial support, an anxiety created by a lack of assurance in one’s own purpose that contributes to low self-worth, and a fundamental difficulty with relating to others honestly because of these factors), unlike Shinji she has a variety of coping mechanisms to deal with these issues which give her the appearance of functionality but which are ultimately unsustainable and don’t allow her to be honest with herself about her real emotions, precisely because they work to repress the emotions that are too painful for her to feel fully. In an attempt to overcome feelings of worthlessness caused by her family’s rejection of her, she throws herself fully into the role of Eva pilot, turning her abilities as a pilot into a structural pillar of her self-worth which comes crashing down when Shinji proves himself to be as capable as pilot as her. She also acts rudely and boisterously in an attempt to avoid rejection, pushing people away from her before they have a chance to get close enough to understand who she really is and then reject her afterwards. This is also why Asuka is NOT a tsundere as so many people claim. Her coldness and “high and mighty” attitude are not borne out of an embarrassment with her “true feelings” of friendship or romance towards Shinji, but are rather a defense mechanism that she uses to protect herself from the pain of intimacy. Her open displays of disgust towards him are not an act which she uses to hide a secretly harbored positive view of him, she actually just hates his guts. She’s all tsun and no dere.

Shinji is a character whose experiences highly resonated with me when I first watched the series as a teenager but I feel like even if i didn’t heavily relate to his emotional struggles I would still end up talking about him here because ultimately the series is focused on his struggle to define himself on his own terms and through his relationships with others. Because Shinji lacks the dysfunctional coping mechanisms that Asuka has come to adopt, and instead has a tendency to turn inward and engage in torturous processes of reflective self-deprecation when he feels emotionally challenged it makes sense that he would be the focus of the show’s thesis on relational psychology. As a sensitive boy with a great deal of familial trauma, Shinji is intimately familiar with the emotional havoc that humans can wreak on each other in their relationships. Not wanting to have to deal with the burden of this pain any longer, he is constantly running away from his commitments because he views his relationships with others not as potential sites for growth and self-fulfillment but as avenues which only lead towards greater feelings of pain and misery. You can hardly blame him for feeling this way because of what he experiences before and during the series, but ultimately he must learn as a part of his growth process that while his relationships with others contain the possibility of greater pain, to live a fulfilling life it is imperative to look past the possibility for pain in order to find the hope for meaning and love that makes life worth living. Shinji’s story teaches us that as long as we remain true to ourselves and are cognizant of our own emotional needs in our relationships, there is no need to live in fear of the pain that others might deliver upon us out of their own wounding.

In many ways Misato behaves like a grown-up, more apparently functional version of Shinji. While she is more readily able to form emotional bonds with others, these bonds are often entirely surface-level, as evidenced by her preoccupation with appearances (wearing flashy clothes, driving an expensive sports car, introducing herself to Shinji in the way she does). The dichotomy between her clean, confident exterior persona and the slobbish, lazy way she lives when removed from the gaze of others reinforces the idea that while she behaves a certain way in order to be comfortable in social situations, she is inwardly insecure and deeply troubled by how her attempts at meaningful relationships have turned out, having never been able to reconcile her relationship with her father before his death and having run away from her relationship with Kaji when his presence caused those unreconciled emotions to rise to the forefront of her psyche. I also love how the Jet Alone episode frames her lifestyle in two drastically different ways. At the beginning of the episode we see her guzzling beer and eating instant ramen for breakfast in her gross apartment and react to those behaviors according to the humorous and quirky surface-level reading of them that the show gives us, but during the episode itself we see her forced to deal with the stupidity and recklessness of others in her profession as well as the unique challenges she faces in those situations because of her femininity, on top of seeing her take responsibility during a life-threatening situation when no one else will, causing her to undergo a near-death experience. After all of this, the narrative comes full circle and we see her again the next morning in her gross apartment, chugging an entire can of Yebisu and realize how much her lax lifestyle choices are really shaped by the kind of emotional stress she is forced to deal with on a daily basis and a need to have a space where she can be unconcerned with those stresses.            

I like how although Ritsuko treats Misato as her equal in their personal relationship and they’re both at the same professional level, being heads of their respective branches of NERV, from the very first episode it’s clear that Ritsuko’s knowledge of the Evas and and the true purposes of NERV far surpasses Misato’s. As Misato begins to understand the amount of classified information that Ritsuko has access to and refuses to share with her their relationship effectively deteriorates until Ristuko can no longer shoulder the burden of her knowledge on top of her increasingly strained relationships with both Misato and Gendo and she essentially self-destructs.

Kaji is kind of a sexist jerk but he’s also the only character in the text who can operate as a positive male role model for Shinji because of how selfish Gendo is and it’s ultimately his advice to Shinji throughout the series but especially in episode 19 and the run up to it that spurs Shinji to take action instead of continuing to be a bystander while Rei and Asuka fight for their lives. I also like him because he’s a truth seeker. He does the bidding of Selee and Gendo because doing so allows him to get closer to the truth behind Selee, NERV, the Evas, the angels, and human instrumentality, and he eventually pays the ultimate price for his pursuit of knowledge.

least fav characters: I guess I'm supposed to say Gendo because he’s such a dick but even if he’s a shitelord he’s still a well developed character–consistently narcissistic and self-serving, only treating others as means to ends, not at all capable of the emotional vulnerability required to actually really love, although maybe he possessed it at one point in the past. He’s evil as fuck but ultimately a good character. I love how the first time we see him smile is when he gives the order to launch unit-01 it’s so good and makes me hate him so much.

Ritusko’s mom, Naoko, is like probably the only character in the show that i think is written poorly like it’s honestly just stupid to me that she would be so in love with Gendo and so heartbroken over him that she would literally kill Rei I and then herself over being taunted about the fact that Gendo didn’t really love her and was just using her but i guess bitches just be crazy amirite fellow redditors. Literally what is so great about Gendo that all these women keep getting involved with him?? Like for the credit you can give Anno for writing really interesting women in this series, he still is a bit of a sexist and it’s not just with Naoko.

fav relationship: Asuka and Shinji obviously have one of the most interesting dynamics in the show from the first time they meet. We know they’re not bound to get along well since Shinji is pretty reserved and not very confident and Asuka is incredibly boisterous and all too full of herself and in fact resents Shinji for his lack of self-worth and motivation. All of this is compounded by the fact that the source of Asuka’s massive self-esteem is her ability to pilot the Eva, a task at which she continually finds herself upstaged by Shinji, who at the same time can’t seem to decide whether piloting the Eva is something he even wants to continue doing. In episode eight she’s amazed when Kaji tells her that Shinji was able to sync with Unit-01 without ever having been inside it before but when Kaji brings it up again when all of them are together and openly praises Shinji’s “natural” capabilities as a pilot, Asuka is embarrassed and takes his praise of Shinji as an injury to her self esteem because being the greatest Eva pilot is so central to her self-identity. She vents this embarrassment by taking it out on Shinji, who meanwhile can’t help the fact that he has a natural ability to do this scary and dangerous thing he’s barely done before and doesn’t at all know what to do with Asuka’s frustration towards him. Rei operates as a kind of foil to this dynamic (is it still a foil if its three ways instead of two?) because she possesses very little of her own will in the early part of the series and merely pilots the Eva because it’s her designated purpose in life, what she was literally born to do. As all three of them grow through the relationships that they navigate with each other and the adults in their lives, these motivations, self-definitions, and reasons for being shift and evolve, are built up and broken down, and ultimately remain in flux because that’s just how that shit is

Shinji and Kaworu I obviously hold very close to my big gay heart because of how touching it is to see Shinji love and be loved by another boy but that being said their relationship is very intentionally one-dimensional because of the fact that Kaworu is less of a human character and more of a character representation of the abstract concepts of hope and love themselves. From Kaworu’s perspective too, his relationship with Shinji is just as much about knowing and loving Shinji as it is about knowing and loving humanity as a whole. Because Kaworu isn’t human, he doesn’t have any emotional needs or trauma which might preclude him from loving Shinji or make it difficult for Shinji to love him, which is why he appears to Shinji when he does: when Shinji feels most abandoned by those he feels he has tried and failed to form emotional bonds with and is in most dire need of someone who will attempt to understand him as he is trying to understand himself. In loving Shinji in the selfless, needless, and unconditional way he does, he gives Shinji hope that real love and real human connection are things that exist out there in the world for him to experience, even if his relationship with Shinji is only an idealized version of that. When Shinji is forced to kill Kaworu in order to save himself and humanity, this hope is momentarily shattered and by the next episode we realize that this has caused Shinji to lose his will to live, although ultimately Kaworu’s death is necessary not just for plot reasons but also because Shinji must eventually come to realize that while he can be in love and find meaning in his relationships with others, he can’t expect any other person to love him so selflessly the way Kaworu did because that’s simply not a reasonable thing to ask of another human being with their own emotional needs and trauma and baggage. In addition to his qualities of magnanimous selflessness, as a divine being in a mortal vessel who ultimately chooses to sacrifice himself to ensure the fate of humanity, Kaworu also operates as a sort of messiah figure within the narrative of the series. The fact that his love for Shinji is representative of his love for all humankind and that Shinji’s love for him is a reflection of the timeless and ephemeral concept of love itself, and the fact that Shinji must also bear the guilt of killing one he loved for the greater good of saving the souls of humanity also puts them squarely in the midst of a Judas/Jesus dichotomy.      

fav moment: the direction in this show continues to amaze me and  just the choices in the first two episodes alone are so fuckin awesome like I love how episode one ends on a cliffhanger and episode two begins with shinji recovering from the battle, completely skipping over the action and having us only deal with its fallout before finally getting to see how it unfolded when shinji is alone at night and has a moment to reflect on what he witnessed. also the shot during the battle flashback when the armor falls off of unit-01′s face and shinji looks out from the entry plug and sees the true reflection of the eva in the building next to him knocks me on my ass every single time.

in episode one when shinji gives misato the letter that his father sent him and its creased as shit and the whole thing is redacted aside from the words “shinji, come”

whenever gendo’s glasses reflect the massive screens in the command center

rei smiling after she and shinji defeat ramiel and he opens the entry plug hatch

“You’re just as much a kid as I am”

When Ritusko hacks into a human brain and honestly just the whole Magi design has such a killer aesthetic i don’t even know what to call it its like cyberbiomechanicalpunk but the cyber tech isn’t futuristic it’s like 1995 technology complete with ribbon cables on the keyboards

“You apologize to people as a reflex, so that you won’t have to confront them” “I’m sorry”

Literally everything about episodes 19-24

THE ELEVATOR SCENE

“I loved him too”

When Asuka synchronizes with unit-02 at the bottom of the lake in EoE and the whole fight with the eva series

Why not just say all of EoE cause holy shit

headcanons/theories: As far as the lore itself is concerned, it feels like there aren’t that many mysteries that haven’t been explained either through actual dialog in the show or peeks into what was left on the cutting room floor, it can just be hard for first time viewers to wrap their heads around it all because of the convoluted way it's presented in the show and how everything has dramatic biblical names (which do have meaning for the record, anyone who says all the religious symbolism in eva is fake deep is not paying close enough attention. the constant use of the latin and greek crosses in explosions and in various design elements like lilith’s crucifix are obviously not always rife with distinctly religious meaning but I already talked about how Kaworu is literally a messiah figure so give me some credit here). When I do see shit on youtube like “the 26 timelines of evangelion explained” though it just makes me roll my eyes. Also I think that the lore is really cool and well developed in general but a lot of it is somewhat tangential to the real dramatic meat of the series which consists of the development of the characters and their relations to one another so it is kinda lame to me that the popular view of the series for so long was focused more on the mysteries of the super weird convoluted world building than on the exploration of humanity that makes the show what it is although that might have changed now that more people have dipped their toes in the series with the netflix localization

one thing I’ve been thinking about recently is rei’s ghostly appearance to shinji at the beginning of episode one which I believe to be connected to the ghostly appearances she makes in EoE to the dead and soon-to-be sublimated (or i guess more accurately, liquified) NERV staff after she merges with lilith and ultimately to her final appearance to shinji floating above the lcl sea at the end of the film. All of these appearances are made by the rei that merged with lilith during EoE, even the one in episode one. This is possible because after merging with lilith, rei becomes a being with quantum characteristics, able to exist everywhere on earth at once to collect the souls of all humanity and gather them together. Since it’s also heavily implied that rei is a vessel for the soul of lilith in the same way that kaworu is a vessel for the soul of adam, this is likely lilith’s “true form,” having finally reunited her body with her soul. To those still alive for this process, she appears to them as a manifestation of their heart’s desire, bestowing upon each soul a momentary embrace of hope that will last a lifetime. This is what Gendo understood about instrumentality from the beginning and was always his plan to be able to see Yui again. I think rei’s final gift is also sort of a riff on modern scientific explanations for the experience of heaven, how we now understand that the chemicals that are released in your brain when you die can give you a euphoric experience that some might be inclined to interpret as heaven-like. But anyway, since rei no longer has to obey the laws of time and space, and she makes it a point to make a final appearance to shinji in her quantum form at the end of the film it feels right that she should choose to go back and make a first appearance to shinji to signify the beginning of the end as it were. After all, “the beginning and the end are found in the same place.” Anno himself has told us that “eva is a story that repeats” with reference to the pervasive visual and verbal self-references that are prevalent throughout the series and I think this is perhaps one of the most shining examples of that repetition.

Related: Also a fan of the theory that Gendo’s last words to Ritsuko were “I need you.”

unpopular opinion: Episodes 25 and 26 provide the necessary(?) conclusion to the show’s thesis on human relationships which make them more or less key to understanding how those ideas are present in the work as a whole but the last time I re-watched the series I skipped them and went right to EoE because that’s the better dramatic experience and also I think EoE works to wrap up the ideas from the show, albeit not as cleanly and moralistically.

this is also probably a popular opinion but the rebuild movies fucking suck. they completely gut like half the thematic content from the original series and they even feel bland visually at times like everything is so glossy and shiny i like the saturation, contrast, and thicker line art of the original series way more. literally there’s only one good part per movie in the first one it’s ramiel in the second one its the aquarium scene in the third one its piano kaworu and that’s it. I can hope the fourth movie isn’t completely gutless but i can also set myself up for disappointment but if evangelion teaches anything it’s that we can’t let the fear of disappointment or sadness bar us from seeking the joys and loves that life has to offer us so i’ll see y’all again in 2020 i guess

random thoughts:

[ngenewyear]

Gift for thehprevolution from aubergineinfatuation.

Sorry this is a little long!

Fic:

“Shinji-kun, you are the apple of my eye.”

“…”

“The light of my life, my only sunshine.”

“…?”

“If I were to compare you to something, a summer day might be too cliche, and our contemporary understanding of an angel not entirely accurate, but –”

“Kaworu-kun, what are you talking about?”

Shinji sets down the homework he’d been trying (and failing) to complete for the last twenty minutes. He often prefers to study in Kaworu’s room, half because Kaworu is there but half because pretty much everyone else isn’t, but it does occasionally carry the occupational hazard of Kaworu being like…this.

“Oh, you looked up.” Kaworu smiles pleasantly, completely undeterred by Shinji’s former unresponsiveness. “I was trying…. what is it that you Lilin call it? Oh, right. I was trying some flirting techniques.”

Shinji blushes in spite of himself, in spite of the fact that they are already dating so Kaworu has no reason to flirt (and Shinji has no reason to let it affect him so much either); opting for the easiest course of action, he can only ask “Why?”

“Actually,” Kaworu says, propping himself up on one elbow. It seems to be his favorite position. “There was a book I found, when I was at your house the other day.”

“A book?”

“Yes. It was called, The Five Steps to Woo Any Man. Apparently it belongs to Katsuragi-san, but she said I could borrow it.”

Shinji recalls, quite distinctly, the way Misato had surrounded herself with a tower of beer cans and refused to get into bed until 1am, when he and Asuka had dragged her. There was something about Kaji, something about Ritsuko, but Shinji has stopped paying attention at this point. All he knows is that, apparently, leaving Kaworu and Misato alone is probably not a good idea, not even for the five minutes he left to go get snacks.

He wonders, distantly, where she even got that book.

“The first chapter was on compliments,” Kaworu says, and suddenly the book has materialized in his hand and is being waved above his head. “I decided to try out the ones they had in here, but Shinji-kun, you deserve every –”

“Kaworu-kun, you do know what ‘woo’ means, right?”

“Of course I do.”

“You don’t need to…. woo me. We’re already…” Shinji has no idea what he’s embarrassed by, after all this time, but as always, saying it out loud feels strange. “You know. We’re a already dating.”

“Are you saying I shouldn’t compliment you?”

“No, but –”

“I think I’ll continue studying this anyways. Lilin mating rituals are so strange, after all.” and Kaworu’s smile is uncharacteristically mischievous, making Shinji’s heart skip. In both the good and the ‘slightly scared of what’s coming next’ way.

An eternal fifty/fifty with Kaworu.

And so Shinji decides that it’s time to take matters into his own hands. Abandoning his homework to the floor, he pulls himself up to Kaworu’s bed and makes a grab for the book.

Predictably, Kaworu dodges him, deftly switching it from one hand to another and then disposing of it somewhere – Shinji can’t tell where because Kaworu also manages to grab him and pull him to his chest, locking him in a gentle yet simultaneously firm backhug.

“Nice try, Shinji-kun,” he says, in a way that suggests he’s not planning on letting go any time soon.

Shinji finds that he’s okay with that.

x-x-x

It is barely two days later but Shinji has already forgotten entirely about the book and all of its contents. He has forgotten because Kaworu has done nothing to remind him – at least until he comes home and there are flowers pushed into the mail slot and piled around the front door.

He pushes open the door and is greeted with bouquets, bunches of flowers tied with twine, vases overflowing with red and white and pink. Misato sits in the middle of it, looking bemused, while Asuka stands by the kitchen table, looking pissed. Penpen chews on a leaf.

When Shinji walks through the door, Misato gives him the look of a predator who has just landed on some juicy prey. The corners of her lips quirk up, and Shinji immediately backs away.

Of course, he’s too late.

“Shinji-kun~” she says, voice raising sweetly, and Shinji shivers. “Why is it that ever since this morning, I’ve been receiving flowers all addressed to you?”

“Yeah,” Asuka says, plucking a flower from a vase and staring at it in disgust. “I’d like to know, too. Are these all from Ayanami? I didn’t realize she was capable of having feelings.”

It’s at times like these Shinji is glad he never told either of them about his relationship. It’s not as though he has anything to hide, per se – but he figures he receives enough teasing (from Misato) and verbal abuse (from Asuka) on a daily basis that he can be forgiven for wanting some privacy regarding his personal affairs.

And, of course, if Asuka paid him any measure of attention in school she might have figured it out – because Kaworu is neither subtle nor willing to be – but thankfully she has adopted a strategy of acting like Shinji is a stranger whenever she encounters him in a public place, which she sticks to unwaveringly.

As for Misato, Kaworu is just Shinji’s friend. A friend with a total lack of personal space and a penchant to stare whoever he’s talking to directly in the eyes, but a friend nonetheless.

They’ll never have to know.

“It definitely wasn’t Rei,” Shinji says, because honestly the idea is laughable. He begins gathering the flowers in his arms, but to his dismay, there are even more on the kitchen counter, and far too many to carry overall. “I think I know who it may be, though.”

“Who?” Asuka demands, but Shinji is out the door before she can pursue him further and luckily, there are too many flowers blocking her way to catch up. All he can hear is Misato’s distant laughing (unaware that this is all entirely her fault, probably) and then nothing.

x-x-x

He finds Kaworu is the expected position: cradling a cat by the side of the road. As though he can instinctively sense him coming, he turns to face Shinji once he gets close, gently playing with the cat’s paw.

“Shinji-kun!” he says, nearly beaming. “I see you received the flowers.”

“I… did…” Shinji says, speaking around the bouquet that nearly blocks his face. “Kaworu-kun, why are there so many…?”

“Red roses symbolize love,” Kaworu says immediately. “White carnations, pure love. Purple lilac, first love. Jasmine, sensual love. Forget-me-nots – well, I’m sure you know. And white dittany is said to be an aphrodis–”

“Kaworu-kun!” Shinji shouts even though there’s no one else around, and nearly drops the flowers in his haste. “Were you reading that book again?”

“The second chapter was on gift-giving,” Kaworu says, setting the cat down. It winds around his ankles and purrs. “Apparently men prefer fashionable watches or neckties, but flowers were another option. I thought you might prefer them more.”

“They’re pretty, but… you must’ve bought the entire store!”

“I just wanted to communicate every possible meaning I could,” Kaworu laughs softly as though enjoying some personal joke. “It’s fascinating how you Lilin assign an entirely new language to the weeds that grow around you. I find it charming.”

“I don’t really get it myself, but…” the cat meows at him and Shinji pets it tentatively. “This is… the first time I’ve ever received flowers.”

“Did you enjoy it, then?”

It’s just the two of them, so it’s probably okay. Shinji nods, ever so slightly. “Yes….Thank you, Kaworu-kun.”

“I’m glad, then.” Kaworu smiles like the sun and Shinji’s looks away, lest he be drawn in by Kaworu’s annoyingly irresistible charm.

“All I’m saying is, don’t go crazy because of what some book says,” Shinji tells Kaworu, glancing at him sideways. “I have no idea what we’re going to do with all of those flowers, we might have to throw some away…”

“How about you return them to the earth?” Kaworu suggests as the two of them begin walking down the street. The stray kitten follows behind, mewing plaintively after them.

“I don’t know, the stems are already cut….” Shinji says, glancing behind them. The one kitten following them has multiplied into several, and Kaworu has practically a kitten army on his tail by the time they get to the end of the street. “You really attract them, huh?”

“They seem to like me, and I think they’re cute.” Kaworu says, scooping another cat into his arms. “They remind me of you, Shinji-kun.”

Shinji looks away, embarrassed mostly because as cheesy as Kaworu is, he’s also completely earnest, and he probably meant that when he said it. “I’d say that little white one looks more like you.”

“What do you say we adopt it, then?” Kaworu says, and Shinji knows he’s probably joking but reacts instantly anyways.

“I don’t think I’m ready to be a parent.”

Kaworu laughs at him as they walk in the setting sun.

x-x-x

Shinji has become pretty accustomed to not getting much time with Kaworu at school, despite the fact that they’re in the same class and even sit relatively near to each other. It’s not surprising; Kaworu, in the same vein as Rei, is intelligent, athletic, and handsome enough to warrant a significant amount of popularity, particularly from female members of the class, who don’t seem to mind his occasional misunderstanding of human behaviors.

Shinji, on the flip side, enjoyed his most significant amount of popularity when his status as an EVA pilot was discovered, and since then has faded back into the background. And he’s fine with just being with Toji and Kensuke; even if he’s jealous of the crowd of girls that habitually surrounds Kaworu during lunch and break times, he’s long since accepted the hierarchy at school.

So he’s more than a little surprised when during lunch Kaworu places a pair of chopsticks in his face and says, “Shinji-kun, say aaaah.”

“Kaworu-kun, what –” Shinji realizes a little too late that he shouldn’t have asked, because Kaworu takes the opportunity to shove the chopsticks into his mouth, their contents unknown.

On instinct, Shinji swallows, and then gags as the taste hits his tongue, at once cloyingly sweet and then overwhelmingly salty. Kaworu raises the chopsticks again – it looks like he’s trying to feed him some kind of omelet – but Shinji makes sure to push them away before making inquiries this time.

“Kaworu-kun, what are you doing?” Shinji asks – despairingly, because he thinks he knows the answer already.

“The book said, ‘the way to a man’s heart is through his stomach.” Kaworu looks immensely pleased with himself as he holds up a bento Shinji had not noticed before, packed to the brim with brightly colored foods Shinji can’t quite identify. “So I made you this.”

At this point Shinji is keenly aware of the looks Toji and Kensuke are giving him, from two desks away. They had initially resented Kaworu for his incredible success with the girls of the class, until Shinji had convinced them he had no interest in things like that – and then they went on to bemoan that he was squandering his luck by going for someone “like Shinji”.

Kaworu, for his part, had cheerfully proclaimed that any friend of Shinji’s was a friend of his.

Now the two of them are staring at Shinji in a way that suggests that they won’t say anything at that point in time, but are planning on giving him an earful later. All he can do at this point is count his blessings that Asuka is across the room eating with the class rep and paying them no attention.

“I wasn’t sure what you would like, so I tried a little bit of everything,” Kaworu says, pointing at each part of the bento box in turn. “I don’t need to eat, so I’m not well-versed in these matters, but I tried everything myself and I think you’ll like it.”

“Thank you, Kaworu-kun, this is….” Shinji examines the bento. It’s true that it’s much more substantial than the bread he was planning on eating instead (Misato wasn’t really one for packed lunches) and, well, Kaworu is talented at basically everything else, so Shinji has no reason to doubt his cooking. That first bite was just a little strong – it’s probably fine.

Still, he errs on the side of caution and goes for the safest option – white rice.

“Wait, Shinji-kun,” Kaworu says, tapping his chopsticks on the table. “Let me feed it to you.”

“Wait, wait, why do we have to –?”

“That’s what the book said to do,” Kaworu says, like the answer is perfectly obvious. “And I quite like the idea, myself.”

“Kaworu-kun –”

“What are you guys doing?” and without warning, Asuka is standing over their desks, arms crossed. “Half the class is looking over here like there’s a dead body.”

Shinji is dismayed to realize that she’s right – excepting Rei, who is mercifully reading a book and paying them no attention like usual. The urge to run away is stronger than ever before.

“Nagisa, is this bento yours?” Asuka asks. She doesn’t like Kaworu, and makes it abundantly clear. Shinji thinks they have quite possibly the least compatible personalities ever, and while Kaworu has never said a word about it, he suspects the feeling may be mutual. “I know Shinji can’t cook like this.”

“Yes, I made it.” Kaworu says pleasantly, disregarding – or perhaps contributing to – the tension in the air. “Do you want some, Asuka-san? I won’t feed you, though.”

Asuka looks visibly scandalized, and Kensuke chokes on his drink in the background, though whether from surprise or laughter, Shinji’s not sure.

“Gross, I wouldn’t want you to!”

“All right then,” Kaworu says, and he brings the chopsticks back up to Shinji’s mouth. “All right, Shinji-kun –”

And at that moment, Shinji can see connections inside Asuka’s head beginning to form, synapses forming an intricate web to his doom. Before she can even finish the sentence, “Wait, were those flowers the other day –” he has Kaworu by one hand and the bento in the other and is out the door before either of them can blink.

They end up on the school roof and in fashion truly unique to him, Kaworu is completely unbothered by Shinji’s abrupt exit from the classroom. Instead, he just presses a hand against the fences surrounding the roof and remarks, “It’s lovely at this time of day, isn’t it?”

“Kaworu-kun…”

Kaworu turns to face him, the slight wind ruffling his hair slightly. No matter how disarming his smile is, Shinji is still in awe sometimes of how handsome Kaworu is – for lack of a better word, angelic.

“I’m happy you’re doing all of this for me, but…” Shinji sits down on one of the benches, placing the bento in his lap. “It’s just, you know, doing it in front of everybody…”

“Lilin are very concerned about privacy,” Kaworu remarks, settling down on the bench next to Shinji and leaning back on his palms. “Is that why you wanted to be up here alone?”

“Yeah…”

“Well, if you’d rather be more private, then I’ll do my best to be that way too. Because I want you to be happy, Shinji-kun.” and he’s so sincere it makes Shinji’s chest tighten a little – but in the good way. The way only Kaworu can do.

“With that said…” Kaworu picks up the chopsticks again. “There’s no one else here, so is it alright if we pick up where we left off?”

And as embarrassingly lovey-dovey as it is, Shinji would be a liar if he said this exact scenario hadn’t occurred to him at least once, in the form of distant fever dreams, probably, but nonetheless – and so he agrees.

And actually, it tastes pretty good. Of course, Kaworu couldn’t screw up plain rice, and it’s actually impressive how many little fruits and vegetables he managed to cut up into cute flower shapes. A couple onigiri, some bamboo shoots, a little bit of Hamburg steak – the only part that tastes odd is the rolled omelet, which Shinji chews and swallows with reservation.

“Kaworu, what’s in this?” he asks when he’s done. Moreover, what kitchen did you use and where did you get these ingredients – but Shinji keeps those to himself, for now.

Kaworu thinks for a moment before responding. “Tomatoes, mushrooms, ginger, lemon peels, some pumpkin, soy sauce –”

“Why?”

“The book said omelets benefited from variety.”

And before Kaworu can feed him another piece, Shinji leans over to kiss him. Partially to protect his stomach for later. But also because, well, being alone together has its benefits sometimes.

x-x-x

“Shinji-kun.” They’re staring outside the door of Kaworu’s room in NERV headquarters and Kaworu is looking uncharacteristically serious. “I gave some thought to what you told me yesterday.”

“What was that, again….?”

“You wanted to keep things more private between us.” and then suddenly Kaworu’s waving that damn book around again, like he always carries it in his back pocket or something. “So, the next chapter in here was about physical affection.”

Shinji suddenly feels all the heat in his body rush to his… face. Kaworu can’t mean – definitely not, after all, they’ve showered together and shared the same bed and it’s just been kissing and hand-holding, up to this point. Kaworu’s not even human, there’s no way he’d have an interest in that, probably just saying “the things you Lilin do for reproductive purposes are so strange” –

…but, so far, he’s followed the book’s instructions thoroughly, and maybe it’s time – it’s finally time – and Shinji doesn’t think he’d be opposed –

And as all of this goes through Shinji’s head, Kaworu takes his face in his hands and kisses his forehead, cheeks, and nose in turn. Then he takes his hands and kisses his palms, and then each of his fingers.

Shinji actually starts crying.

“I’m sorry, did you not like it?” Kaworu says, looking legitimately distressed. “I thought it might be more intimate –”

“No, it’s fine,” Shinji says, because he doesn’t know how to articulate that “no one has ever touched me that tenderly in so long and I don’t know how to react” without delving into personal problems that have been buried so long it would be unwise to uncover them. He wipes at his face determinedly. “It’s just… not what I was expecting.”

“You were disappointed?”

“More… surprised.”

Kaworu touches his cheek lightly. “I apologize. What should I do instead?”

“Well… if you would try it again, I might know what to expect this time.”

Much, much later, once they’ve returned to Kaworu’s room, Shinji decides that this is his favorite chapter of that book to date.

x-x-x

It’s been about a week, and Shinji is starting to get curious. The book which Kaworu had been following so religiously was titled The Five Steps to Woo Any Man. And yet only four steps have occurred, at least to his knowledge so far. With how enthusiastic Kaworu had been, he wonders why the sudden stop – and then chastises himself for even expecting anything when he’s done nothing to deserve it.

Still, it remains on the back of his mind until one day they’re all walking home from school, Toji arguing with Asuka and Asuka trying to argue with Rei, when Kaworu takes Shinji by the arm and pulls him back.

“There’s something I want to show you,” he says, cryptic as usual, and then starts walking in the opposite direction of home, going fast enough that by the time anyone could notice their absence, they’re already down the hill and several streets away.

They end up traversing a part of the city Shinji is not familiar with, and his curiosity only grows as they leave the more populated areas behind and begin wandering through abandoned and rundown buildings, surrounded by the wreckage and detritus of the old world.

Just when Shinji thinks Kaworu must be either lost or seriously misled, he stops them in front of the ruins of a church, identifiable by the blown-out stained glass and miraculously still-standing pews. Most remarkably, though, is the piano sitting in the middle of it all, somehow still unblemished and in perfect shape, despite its dilapidated surroundings.

“Here, sit down.” Kaworu says, and Shinji sits next to him on the piano bench, admiring the faint glow of the ivory keys in the low light, untouched even by dust. He runs one finger across the smooth surface.

“The very last chapter of the book was a difficult one,” Kaworu says, resting his hands on the keys but not playing a note. “All it said was, share what you love.”

“That was it?”

“Yes. But when I thought about it… well, I realized I didn’t know enough about Earth to really have anything I loved that much. Just you. But that doesn’t really work, right?”

“No, I guess not…”

“But then I remembered,” and Kaworu breaks into a radiant smile. “The Lilin’s best invention is music. So I thought that we could share that.”

Shinji’s breath catches in his throat, a bit, and he has no idea what to say. It’s a simple gesture but somehow there’s some gravity to it, some incredible significance to something so small. He realizes, deeply and probably with much delay, just how much Kaworu has been thinking of him all this time.

Like he understands what Shinji’s thinking, Kaworu doesn’t wait for a response, and instead places his hands on the keys and plays a few notes. Graceful and deliberate, this, like everything else, seems to come easily to Kaworu. Shinji recognizes it as Beethoven, but knows little else.

When the song finishes, all Shinji can say is, “That’s beautiful.” For some reason Kaworu’s playing makes him choked up, but in a good way. Always in the good way.

Kaworu glances at him sidelong like he wants to say something, but for once opts not to. Instead he takes Shinji’s hand and lays his fingers lightly on the keys.

“I thought we could play a song together,” he says, and taps out a few notes. This one Shinji recognizes – Ode to Joy.

The song Kaworu was singing when they first met.

“It’s relatively simple, even for beginners.” Kaworu says. “I can teach you the notes.”

“I’d like to learn, but….” impulsively,  Shinji rests his head against Kaworu’s shoulder. “Could you first do another song for me? I like to listen to you play.”

“Of course,” Kaworu says, and he places his hands down again. Shinji listens and thinks how ridiculous this all is – the book and the steps and everything. Kaworu never needed any of that. He had his heart from the beginning.

Above the sound of the piano, Shinji’s not sure if Kaworu will hear his whispered “I love you”. But he must have, because he smiles ever so slightly and begins to play another song.

[lunar-lattice]

Solaris Caelum (6)

Sandalphon shows up fashionably late and shakes things up.

Mirrors in reblogs.

<Previous - x - Next>

6. Burning Ring of Fire

True to Asuka's word, she had taken Rei shopping the next day, along with Shinji, Kaworu with Kaji acting as chaperone. By the time they got home with their spoils, it was well after noon and Asuka, Shinji and Kaji entered the apartment to find Misato sitting at the table, eating her usual fare of instant ramen. She straightened up and said, "Did you two have fun?"

"Mhm! Finally got Rei to wear more than that school outfit! And we got them both, y'know basic necessities." Asuka smiled, preparing to take her single bag of items to her room.

"It was fun," Shinji added with the hint of a smile.

"You should have come along, Katsuragi," Kaji grinned his trademark grin at her, "I wouldn't have minded seeing you try on some new clothes!"

The only response Misato gave was grumbling that sounded a bit like 'what a pig'. Asuka, noticing the tension, piped up, "We got some swimwear, y'know. Just in case."

Misato frowned, "You and the other three are on duty, if you're talking about the school trip. I was going to mention it at dinner tonight,"

A small silence went over them until Asuka sighed, "Well, I saw that a mile away. Glad we all figured that out in advance then."

Misato beamed, "Good because you two can spend it studying!" she took a pair of floppy drives from her pocket and brandished them, "Both your test scores are lacking! You should know I get these sent right to me!"

Asuka groaned. She had seen this coming but it wasn't any more pleasant than last time, "Kanji is just so difficult!"

"Which is why you two can study!"

Asuka couldn't tell Misato that one lifetime hadn't drilled it into her and this one probably won't either but she really wished she could. "Hmmm...well, I'll do that..," she paused for dramatic effect, "...later!"

And with that, she marched off to her room, bags in hand. Shinji watched her go and said, "Don't worry, Misato. I'll go study."

Misato smiled softly, "If you wanna take a little bit before you go too, I don't mind. Just don't wait until the last minute like Ms. Soryu is bound to do."

"I heard that!" Asuka's voice came from her room.

Misato laughed softly then looked back to Shinji, "Anyway, I want you to have as much fun as you can nowadays."

Shinji nodded slowly, "I understand..." before walking to his room himself to put up his clothes.

He was stopped in the hallway by Asuka coming out of her room with a bag over her arm, "Shinji!" she cried with a devilish grin.

Shinji cringed but asked, "What is it?"

She held up her bag which Shinji could see her newly acquired red and white striped swimsuit in, "Let's go swimming! NERV has a swimming pool, right?"

"I mean, I think..."

"Sweet! Grab those swim trunks we got and let's go!"

Shinji blushed, looking away, "Do I have to?"

Asuka scowled, "Technically, no. But I'd like the company."

"Just you?"

Asuka had to fight to not grin wider, "Unless you'd like me to invite Rei or even Kaworu."

Shinji sputtered, "N-no! I wouldn't...I wouldn't want to inconvenience him!"

"I think I could ask him to wrestle a tiger with us and he'd ask me where's the tiger. So no, I don't."

Shinji fidgeted, quietly wrestling with the decision. Asuka patiently waited, as she already knew what the answer would be. She could play Shinji like a fiddle. "I'd like that..." he murmured.

"Sweet, let's round him up!"

"How about Rei?"

Asuka paused and asked, "What about her?"

He shrugged, "I'd feel bad about excluding her."

"Then let's go get them!"

First, they went next door to Rei's, Asuka knocking on the door when they did. There was no answer. She furrowed her brows and knocked again. Still nothing. Shinji offered, "Maybe she's out and about?"

"I guess so," Asuka said, walking down to Kaworu's apartment. She wondered if Rei not being at home was the norm. She never paid enough attention to her last time to know.

"Or she had to go to NERV...for some reason..." he shrugged slightly. That was very plausible but Asuka said nothing.

Kaworu answered his door and grinned at them when he did, "Hello! Just saw you, what is it?"

"We're going swimming!" Asuka declared.

He looked behind him at the bags that were still on his table, "I haven't really gotten a chance to put those away..."

"Good! Then we're not interrupting you!"

"...alright. Let me get something to swim in," he conceded.

Asuka was the first to change and went ahead of the boys. She was pleasantly surprised to find Rei swimming laps in the pool. "Rei!" she called.

Rei paused, looked at her then swam on over. Asuka met her at the water's edge, "Lucky seeing you here, huh?"

"I suppose so. I swim here often."

"I'm here with Kaworu and Shinji. Decided to take a break before Misato made me and Shinji start studying."

Rei nodded and pulled herself onto the edge. Asuka took it upon herself to sit by her and an idea came to mind. "Hey, Rei, can you keep a secret?"

Rei blinked, "Unless you wished it, I can carry it to my grave."

Asuka tried to not grimace but flinched anyways. She regained her composure, "What if I told you I'm pretty sure Shinji had a crush on Kaworu?"

Rei blinked again, "A crush?"

Asuka blinked back, "You don't know what that is?"

"No one has told me."

"Well, it's uh," Asuka wrung her hands as she tried to think of how to explain it, "It's when you like someone. But not just as a friend. Like you feel very happy around them and want to be close to them. You wanna date them."

Rei looked at the water as she processed this, "And a date is?"

"A date is...well, you spend time with this person and it's romantic. Different than hanging out with a friend."

"I think I understand. So Shinji desires this of Kaworu."

"Pretty sure."

"Why have you told me this?"

Asuka shrugged, "It's killing me keeping it to myself. And I know you wouldn't tell. Maybe you can help me push them together!"

That was basically Asuka's reasoning on it. The idea itself was a whim but she doubted Kaworu would mind her telling Rei. And if he did, he'd never have to know.

Rei went to answer but immediately went silent when Shinji and Kaworu entered. Shinji was glancing at Kaworu out of the corner of his eye, unable to look at him. Kaworu was oblivious to it. "Hi Rei! There you are," he waved to Rei.

Rei waved back and without much more of a word, dipped back into the water to do her laps. Shinji sat at the edge but Kaworu ran past, leaping into the water. He resurfaced, laughing, "Come on, guys!"

Shinji mumbled, "I'm not good at swimming..."

Kaworu smiled, "Don't worry. I won't let you drown."

Shinji nodded slowly and slipped into the water at carefully as possible. Asuka stood, "Well, look at this boys! I might not be able to go diving in Okinawa but I can here!"

She jogged back a few feet then ran at the water, leaping at the last second and cutting through the water like a hot knife through butter. When she resurfaced, Kaworu was clapping. Shinji asked, "How'd you get so good, Asuka?"

"Training regiment over in Germany. Swimming was my favorite part actually."

Shinji turned to Kaworu, "Did you have a regiment like that too?"

Kaworu shook his head, "Not really. I remember learning to play piano but that doesn't really help synch, now does it?"

"Are you any good at piano?"

Kaworu shrugged, "I'd like to think so."

"I can play cello," Shinji deflated a little, "But I don't think I'm any good."

"Do you like playing cello?"

Shinji furrowed his brow at the question, "I guess so."

Kaworu beamed, "Then that's all that matters! Me and you can play together sometime."

"Really?"

"Of course."

Asuka tried to not look too smug as she listened in. She paddled away a little so she'd look inconspicuous. Rei swam back by her, looking from her then the boys, "They seem...happy."

"Just according to plan."

Rei's mind made an uncomfortable comparison to Commander Ikari and she shook her head to clear it. That would not do. "So what do we do now?"

"We wait. They will come to terms with it when they do."

Rei nodded, glancing at the boys. Shinji asked Kaworu, "Say, I saw you had a note on your locker yesterday?"

Asuka perked up and listened in. Kaworu tilted his head, "I appear to have a secret admirer. So I wrote back. Basically just they should come say something to me. They seemed shy though."

Shinji looked away, unable to look him in the eye, "What will you do when they reveal themselves?"

He shrugged, "We'll just have to see who they are then."

Asuka laughed softly, "And see, we will, Rei."

They next day, the kids weren't scheduled to come into NERV. But things moved on. The bridge team along with Fuyutski overseeing an investigation to Mt. Asama. Fuyutski muttered to their right as he looked at the screen. One it was a orange haze with an oval-shaped shadow in the middle. "This isn't that clear. I can't really tell what we're looking at."

Aoba commented, "The report we received from the research lab on Mt. Asama did say this shadow is suspicious. I'm inclined to agree."

"Oh no, I do agree."

Ritsuko turned to Maya, "What's the Magi say about this?"

"Fifty-fifty its something we need to look into."

"Like an Angel," Fuyutski spoke what she had on her mind into being, "Is someone there?"

"Captain Katsuragi's already on site,"

Technically Misato wasn't scheduled to come into NERV either. That morning she was awoken with the command to catch a VTOL to the Mount Asama Research Laboratory and to take someone with her. That someone was Hyuga who she looked over the shoulder of as they lowered a probe into the volcano. "Not yet. Another 500 feet, please."

One of the lab's operators protested, "It's too deep."

She didn't bother to look at him, "If it breaks, we'll replace it."

The operator sighed, knowing better to protest and did as requested. Hyuga reported in, "We're monitoring a reaction."

Misato leaned over and said, "Begin analysis."

"Yes, ma'am."

The computer hummed as orange text scrolled across it. From the probe audio on a lab's operator's computer, there was a dull metal crunch. Hyuga's screen came to a standstill. The operator reported, "The probe has imploded due to extreme pressure."

Misato grimaced but asked Hyuga, "Did you get it?"

"Barely made it. It's a pattern blue."

Misato studied the image on the computer screen of something that looked like a fetus suspended in an egg, "No doubt. It's the eighth angel."

She stood straight and cried, "As of now, this lab is sealed off! It is under NERV jurisdiction for the foreseeable future! Until then, any and all access to the outside world is prohibited and all records of the past six hours are classified!"

She glanced back at the screen, at the fetus Angel. Direct action was to be taken and right away. She walked out of the lab, taking the satellite phone from her pocket of her coat. Once she was sure she was away from listening ears, she dialed Aoba and launched right into her request, "Request an A-17 for Commander Ikari. Top priority."

"This is an open line, you know?"

"I know, so hurry up and switch to a scrambled line!"

Unfortunately for Commander Ikari's peace of mind, the call came right before a scheduled meeting with the Committee. He did tell the Captain to do what she deemed fit but still, he was late. So he had little choice but to explain himself. The Committee did not tolerate a lot of things and lateness was one. It made them feel like they won't the most important thing to Ikari. Not that they were but they didn't need to know that.

One of the Committee had cried, "A-17?! You plan to launch an offensive!?"

Another piped up, "Unacceptable, Ikari. It's too dangerous. Are you so ready to forget what happened fifteen years ago?"

"I am well aware," the Commander said, "This is an opportunity to switch from a defensive position to an offensive one for the first time."

Keel Lorenz, at the head of the formation said, "The risk is too large."

"I am sure you know how important a live Angel sample would be compared to the dead ones we've studied."

The committee was silent as they thought about it. "Just know we do not tolerate failure," Keel warned and with that, the holograms of the Committee winked out.

Fuyutski answered to himself, "Failure? If we fail, it means the destruction of the human race. It is not an option."

He turned to the Commander, "You're really sure of this?"

From behind his gloves, Commander Ikari smiled, "I have faith in the Captain's ability to see to the Angels' destruction."

The next day found the four Children in the command room, being briefed on their next operation, which was not an immediate launch. It would be refreshing if Asuka hadn't already gone through this song and dance. "So that's an Angel?" Shinji studied the image of the fetal Angel.

"Yes," answered Ritsuko, "It's a sort of chrysalis prior to reaching the adult stage."

Shinji still looked confused. "Like a butterfly," explained Kaworu.

"This operation's main directive is to capture this Angel. We must capture it alive and as close to its original state as possible. If we can't, we will destroy it immediately. Understood?"

All four said, "Yes, ma'am," but were also in their own thoughts. Asuka herself was thinking about the past iteration of this operation.

"Now for the actual pilot assigned to this operation...," Ritsuko trailed off, looking through her clipboard.

Asuka stole a glance at Shinji. He looked uncomfortable and glanced away from Ritsuko. Asuka's lip quirked ever so slightly up. You're not the one doing this...I hope, she thought. Even if someone else was put on, she'd insist she was to do it. It wouldn't be out of character.

"Asuka will carry out the operation in Unit Two."

She grinned, "Sure! Should be a piece of cake!"

Ritsuko nodded, acknowledging her, "Asuka is more experienced as her training involved deployment in harsh environments. While this was all in theory, it's better than Shinji's utter lack of experience involving this."

Asuka thought experience being the reason she was chosen was an amusing reason but said nothing. Ritsuko didn't know the half of it.

Rei piped up, "And me?"

"Unit Zero is incompatible with the special equipment we'll be using," Maya answered.

"Thus, Rei and Unit Zero will remain at headquarters on standby. In case of attack," Ritsuko finished.

Rei nodded, holding her blank facade. But under it, worry gnawed at her. Leaving her friends behind was...upsetting.

"I'll be here, if you're worried," Kaworu said to her before turning to Ritsuko, "...right?"

"Of course. Shinji will come with Asuka and serve as standby. But there's a good chance you'll just be standing around...no offense, Shinji," she answered.

He laughed nervously, "None taken..."

"Anyway, since an A-17 has been ordered, we'll scramble immediately. So get ready. Asuka, the plugsuit has been left in the locker room by the room we're fitting 02 with the equipment. Meet me outside when we're done."

Asuka grimaced but did as she was told.

She wasn't looking forward to this operation for a couple reasons and the plugsuit was one, as frivolous as it was. Once she had it on, she walked outside, playing up studying it, "Doesn't feel any different."

Without looking up from her clipboard, she gestured at her, "Try pressing the switch at the right."

With another grimace, she did as she was told. The plugsuit swelled up until it it was fully expanded, leaving her uncomfortably wedged between the walls. Ritsuko did not look up still as she walked to the next room. Asuka followed, squeezing herself through the entrance and suddenly very ready to get into the plug.

She frowned at her Evangelion in its own protective suit, "Poor Unit Two..."

"I don't think it would mind," came Kaji's voice from the catwalk above.

"Kaji?! Why are you here!" she cried, legitimately surprised as she had forgotten that detail. Why was here here?!

He chuckled, "To see you fight with such a gallant figure!"

She gasped, "You're making fun of me!"

Rei piped up from where she was standing, "If this embarrasses you, I shall go in Unit Two."

"No!" she snapped.

Rei's expression didn't change but she flinched slightly. Asuka felt a wave of guilt wash over her, "This is my mission and no one else is gonna do it. I will deal with it."

"How mature of you," Kaji smiled warmly at her.

She found herself smiling back before she turned away, preparing to board the entry plug. Kaji had faith in her so she would as well.

The flight to Mount Asama was quiet which left Asuka a lot of time with her thoughts. Mainly, going over what happened last time. Obviously, the chance for divergence was there as the last Angel demonstrated. So she thought of it was a loose framework to reference. She smiled at herself at how professional she was with this.

If things went as they did, it would be as simple as suggesting the coolant plan right off the bat. Ritsuko had explained the equipment's properties right before they left so the information was something she'd feasibly know. All she had to do was follow the plan and be ready for the Angel to break free. Since it inevitably would.

Once there, her and Shinji were unloaded from the jet and she was loaded right onto the crane and told to standby the edge of the crater. They had to finish final checks on the Units and equipment which wouldn't take long.

There was nothing to do as she waited so she asked, "No Kaji, huh?"

Misato was immediately riled up, "That jerk won't be here because there's nothing for him to do."

Asuka fought back a snicker, "Well, he'll just miss how awesome I'll be!"

Unbeknownst to her, Kaji was riding a trolley up the mountain with a woman, one of his contacts from the Japanese government. She did not look at him, "With an A-17 being ordered, that includes a freeze of all NERV's assets."

"Mhm," Kaji nodded, "I'm sure there are many people who will be put out by that."

"Why didn't you stop them?"

"I have no excuse. The order was official."

"But if NERV fails, it will mean the end of the world."

Kaji looked up at the peak of the mountain where NERV was set up, "They're not that arrogant. They wouldn't have allowed it to be called if they didn't have faith they could do it."

The woman looked at him out of the corner of her eye, "You have faith in the children?"

"I have nothing but faith in them."

Overhead jets streaked across the sky. The woman commented, "And it appears the UN does not."

Back at the peak, Shinji had seen the jets too, "What are those?"

"The UN Air Force is on standby alert until the mission is completed," Ritsuko explained.

"And if it isn't?" Shinji asked warily.

"They're here to clean up if we fail,"

"How will they do that...?" Asuka asked lowly, knowing the answer already but figuring Shinji wouldn't ask.

Almost too casually, Ritsuko explained, "They will use N2 depth charges to take out the Angel and us with it."

"That's terrible! Who would order that!" Shinji cried.

"Commander Ikari."

Shinji leaned back in his chair, digging his teeth into his teeth lest he say something he'd regret. The same thought was going through Asuka's mind as she hissed through her teeth. She had a lot of words concerning the Commander but her luck, she'd get called out for insubordination.

Misato's voice came over the comm, "Operation is a go. Asuka, are you ready?"

"Yes, ma'am. Anytime you are."

With a lurch, Unit Two was lifted off the ground and Asuka was forced to switch to action mode. The crane slowly lifted her over the edge and she found herself looking down into the crater. Had she been this nervous the first time? She swallowed thickly and said to herself, "Go time."

Misato still felt that terrible dread she felt every time she called the pilots into battle. Still, her duty called for her to push it away and that she did. "Launch," she commanded.

With another lurch, Unit Two began to descend. As she got closer to the lava, her nervousness grew but Asuka pushed it away. With little fanfare, Unit Two reached the lava and began to go under. The sensation was weird, not at all like the diving Asuka had compared it to last time. There was no grace in the lava, it was too thick. Immediately, visibility plunged as all she could see in front of her was an orange haze. And no doubt it would get worse.

She took a deep breath and looked at the monitors on her screen. She reported in, "Current depth is 170. Speed of descent is 20. No problems detected. Visibility is zero. I'm switching over to CT monitor to check that."

Even with that, all she saw in front of her was a red haze, "Visibility with CT monitor is no more than 120."

"Alright, Asuka. Keep us updated," Misato said.

"Roger."

She listened as the techs counted her depth, scanning the lava as she did for any sign of movement. The orange haze did not change. Maya said over the comm, "Depth is 1300. Estimated target level."

"Asuka, can you see anything?" Misato asked.

Asuka gave the area one last good scan with her eyes before checking her screen, "No reactions detected. Must not be here."

Ritsuko sighed, "It seems the lava current is faster than we thought."

"Which means the target's velocity doesn't match our predictions," Hyuga said.

"Hurry up and re-calculate then," Misato looked back out over the crater, "Continue the operation. Resume descent."

Hyuga knew better than to question Misato but that didn't stop him from glancing at her. Her face was a mask, hiding how she truly felt. Of course, she also could be just that determined. Hyuga looked back at his screen as the machine re-calculated the Angel's location. Maya continued counting Asuka's depth.

One of the tech's voices drifted over the comm, "A crack has occurred in the second cooling pipe."

Asuka glanced at the ceiling of the entry plug, as if she was looking at the pipes, "Hang in there."

Maya reported, "We're over the maximum allowed depth."

"And we haven't made contact with the target yet...," Misato turned to the comm, "Asuka, are you alright?"

"I'm doing fine. Just can't wait to be out of here."

She nodded, "Keep going. Asuka, when we're done here, we'll hit up that hot spring near here. Just hang in there, alright?"

"Will do."

Asuka already knew Misato wanted to kill the Angels, even moreso than anyone else. Ironically, this was about the time last time Misato said she had been at ground zero at Second Impact. Anything else, she had never told her. Asuka made a note to ask about it lightly.

A snap alerted her and she was helpless to see her prog knife fall into the depths of the lava. Moments later, she heard one of the techs, Hyuga. speak up, "Miss Katsuragi, any more of this and something bad may happen! There's a human on board this time."

Misato shot him a glare but he didn't back down. She said coolly, "I am in charge of the operation. Proceed, please."

Asuka piped up, "I lost my prog knife. What if the Angel hatches before I can get it out?"

"What do you suggest?" Misato asked.

"Shinji throwing me his."

Misato mulled over the idea then shook her head, "No. It would delay your descent and we would risk losing it. We want you out as soon as possible."

Asuka gnashed her teeth. A good point but one that might not even be valid. "What if it does hatch?!"

"We'll deal with that if it happens," Misato said in a tone that meant 'I am not changing my mind'.

A few moments passed and Asuka stewed in her anger and the uncomfortably warm entry plug. She perked up as a shape made itself apparent in the lava. "I can see it!" she cried, readying the cage.

"Alright, prepare to capture," Misato said.

"You have one chance since both of you are being moved by convection currents," Ritsuko said.

Asuka smirked, "I won't miss."

She held out the cage, watching like a hawk until the egg was in her grasp. She deployed the cage, seeing it light up faintly in the lava and the egg inside. "The target has been captured," she reported, unable to keep the gleeful tone out of her voice.

"Nice one, Asuka," Misato said and Asuka beamed. She couldn't be that angry at her.

"We're bringing you up," Misato continued and Asuka could hear the faint creak as it began to pull her back up.

She leaned back and sighed, letting her relax at least a little. Shinji's image appeared on her screen, "Are you alright?"

"Never better! It was easy!" Asuka smiled at him.

Shinji smiled back, "I'm glad."

"Let's just hope this is the end of it."

Back at the command center, Ritsuko turned to Misato, "Looks like all your tension let loose all at once."

"You think?" Misato quirked an eyebrow at her.

"You were scared too about this operation, huh?" Ritsuko asked.

"Well...yeah. If we handled it badly, we'd have had a repeat performance."

Ritsuko nodded, "Of Second Impact, yes. We don't need another one of those."

"Still..." Ritsuko looked at the graphic on the screen of Asuka ascending, "...Asuka seems really worried about it hatching."

"Right...we might not be out of the woods yet..." Misato looked too at the screen.

Leaving the lava was an odd experience and it contributed significantly to Asuka's anxiety. She had been watching the egg like a hawk since she got it. It had been quiet and still. One would think she'd feel relief but all she could wonder was when it was going to break out. There was no way it wouldn't. She wasn't that lucky. "What the plan now, Dr. Akagi?" she asked.

"We're going to transfer it to headquarters ASAP to be held and studied. You and Shinji will stand guard until we can do that."

"Alright...good," Asuka eyed the egg as she was lifted from the crater.

It was brilliant red and shiny, just like an Angel's core. There was not a blemish on it and it shone in the sun. Through the glass-like surface, she could see the shadow of the Angel. There was another lurch as she was let down onto the ground by the crater. "You can put it down if you'd like while we wait, Asuka," Ritsuko said to her.

"I'd rather not if it's the same to you."

Ritsuko raised an eyebrow, "Alright, Asuka."

Moments, treacherously long passed, with no activity by the crews outside bustling to get the jets prepared for the trip back. Shinji had stepped closer to study the egg, "It looks like a core," he said over the comm.

"Almost makes you wanna stab it, huh?" she asked.

"No! Ritsuko will kill you!" he cried.

She rolled her eyes, "I won't stab it until I'm told to, alright?"

Inside the cage, the egg shuddered, a cry coming from it. Asuka froze. No! Just as she thought, it was hatching! It had just taken longer this time.

Ritsuko cried, "Not good! It's starting to emerge! Much sooner than we had predicted!"

"Can it hold it!?" Misato asked.

"There's no way the cage can hold," Hyuga answered.

"Asuka! Jettison the cage into the volcano!" Misato cried.

"No!" Asuka yelled, an idea forming in her head.

"That's a direct order!"

"No, I mean it's better if I don't! The Angel must be adapted to the lava, right?"

Everyone in the control room went silent in thought. Ritsuko nodded, "Only a logical way of thinking."

"And this way me and Shinji can fight it with more room."

Misato nodded, "Alright, new orders. Take it as far from us as you can then engage as soon as possible. Shinji, take a rifle and give Asuka your prog knife."

Shinji took his prog knife from his shoulder pylon and handed it over. Once Asuka had taken it, he sprinted for the weapons cache which was already open. He took a rifle from it and ran back after Asuka who was waddling away as fast as she could. She hissed, "Is there any way to get this off?"

"Not in a timely manner," Ritsuko answered.

"Scheisse," she hissed.

"Here! I'll take it!" Shinji took the cage from her and took a running leap off the mountain, leaving Asuka blinking in surprise. She shook her head with a soft smile and took off after him.

Shinji hit the ground and the egg cracked ominously. He disengaged the cage and brought his rifle up to his shoulder, firing a volley of shots into the egg. Asuka had done her part bravely, now it was his turn to do his. Determination quelled what nervousness he had felt.

The egg lit up with a brilliant light and Shinji threw his arm over his face to shield himself. The light died down and the Angel propped itself onto its front arms, somewhat clumsily. It looked straight out of ancient times and was obviously not adapted for land. If Shinji didn't knew better, he'd think it was confused. Then with surprising strength, it launched itself at him.

It bowled him over, pressing him against the ground with its sheer weight. Its arms grabbed onto his arms and squeezed. He yelped, "Get off!" and drove back his leg and kicked to dislodge it.

The Angel was unfazed, pressing its mouth against his Eva's face like a kiss from Death. He yelped again and a crushing pain shot through his face. His armor cracked under the pressure. "Get off, get off!" he kicked at it again, finally dislodging it enough to get his rifle arm free.

He pressed it against its throat and let loose another volley of shots. It howled in pain as it was blown off him, landing against the ground hard with a squeal. He fired another volley, backing off as he did. It was unaffected and scampered after him.

"The cavalry is here! But she needs you to keep it still!" Asuka cried as she slid down the mountain.

"Alright!" Shinji discarded the rifle and circled the Angel. It attempted to track him but he was moving too fast for it. Once he was behind it, he pressed his foot into it, holding it down. Even out of its element, it was strong and he found himself struggling to hold it down.

Asuka got over, looking just as clumsy, and drew the Prog Knife, driving it into the skin. It refused to give for a moment but then sunk in. She grinned and cut down the length of its back, intent on tearing it apart and finding the core if she had to.

But the Angel has other plans. With renewed strength, it pushed them off then launched itself at Asuka, knocking her over. Unlike Shinji, she wasn't likely to get up any time soon. She hissed in fury and stabbed it in the back. It squealed in pain and pressed its mouth against the glass, it cracking and splintering under the pressure. "Damn you!" she screamed, stabbing its back in a frenzy.

Still, it did not relent, holding on stubbornly. "This is going to take too long. Shinji!"

"What is it?!"

"Run up there and get a canister of coolant!"

"Why?"

She smirked, "Thermal expansion."

Shinji had already taken off running but asked, "What do you mean?"

Asuka paused to try to pry off the Angel to no avail, "When things heat up, they expand and when they go cold, they contract. The Angel is tough because its suited to a hot environment."

"But a cold one will get past that because it will contract and become brittle!"

"Right!" She smiled, "Exactly it!"

She tried once more to pry it off but it only squealed in response. A long crack ran across the glass. This was the only thing protecting her face. If it latched on and wasn't stopped, it would crush her Eva's skull in a minute. An idea formed in her head and she began to rock back and forth. The Angel thrashed but this only helped her efforts in getting it onto its back. She began to stab it in the belly which was more yielding. It disengaged in surprise. She had to be fast if the plan was to work.

She grabbed its arms and held it down, leaning back so she was out of range.

"I'm back!" Shinji yelled, stopping by her and holding a white canister with a hose in it.

The Angel lunged and Asuka screamed, "Stick it in its mouth and turn it on!"

He shoved the hose in, right before it connected with Asuka again. He turned the knob on it and immediately it began to flood the Angel, its skin freezing over. Asuka sank her knife into its belly which yielded easily, cracking as it did. She tore its skin away, a familiar red sphere glimmering inside. She grabbed it and squeezed.

The Angel screamed in pain and thrashed but Asuka hung on. Finally, a resounding crack went through the area and the Angel went still. Asuka stood shakily, "Get clear!" she yelled.

She tried to run back but her legs wouldn't obey her. A flash of terror went through her as the Angel's corpse began to glow. Shinji grabbed her around the waist and took off, not quite at a run but still fast enough. A bright light washed over them, pushing them both over, Shinji on top of Asuka.

The command center lost contact. "Are they alright?!" Misato cried, looking over at Hyuga's screen.

Hyuga scanned the screen saying nothing until it came back up with a ding. "They're alright. The Angel is dead."

When it faded, the kids were no worse from wear. There was a crater behind them but the mountain was unharmed. Shinji rolled off of Asuka and began to apologize, "Asuka, I'm sorr-"

"Don't apologize!" she cried, "The Eva would have been damaged worse if you hadn't! I could have even been hurt! How about you?"

"Oh, I'm fine. Just sore everywhere."

"I'm not much better," she paused then said softly, "Shinji, thank you. Not just because of that but for taking the egg down here and keeping The Angel occupied."

Shinji beamed, "O-oh...alright. You're welcome."

Misato came in over the comm, "Thank God, you're both alright. We'll get you out of there ASAP then go over to the hot springs, alright?"

Asuka smiled, "That sounds lovely..."

Asuka sank into the water with a sigh, "I needed this..."

It was sunset by the time they had gotten everything over with and were finally out of their plugsuits. "So did I," Misato smiled, turning to look at the soaps behind her, "Huh, no body shampoo."

Asuka stood and yelled, "Shinji, toss us the body shampoo!"

"Oh, alright!" a few seconds later, it came sailing over the barrier.

Asuka moved a few inches to the right, the bottle falling harmlessly in the water, "Thank you!" she yelled back, opening it and working up a lather in her hands.

"Be glad you probably won't be in LCL anytime soon," Asuka said as she scrubbed it off of her.

"Oh, I don't envy you," Misato replied, washing herself as well.

Asuka took the body shampoo when she was done, tossing it back over the barrier. "Ow!" Shinji yelped and she couldn't help but laugh.

"What happened to the camaraderie?" Misato asked, smiling.

"I didn't mean to," Asuka innocently batted her eyes at her.

Once they finished bathing, they sat at the water's edge, watching the sun dip below the horizon. Asuka stole a glance at Misato and the scar stretching across her chest. "Oh this?" Misato gestured to it, "I got it in Second Impact."

"I was wondering..." Asuka paused then continued slowly, "You were at there then?"

Misato raised her eyebrow, "How would you know that?"

"I mean, everyone knows about that the Katsuragi Expedition was there. What they were doing there?" Asuka shrugged, "Who knows."

Misato chuckled, "That makes two of us."

Asuka tilted her head, "How do you not know?"

"I didn't really leave my cabin. My father invited me along, probably to bond with me or to upset my mother. I wasn't happy though. He invited me on a work trip where he wouldn't see me..." she frowned, "I somewhat regret being so angry though."

Asuka frowned, "Because he didn't make it."

"Not just that..." she looked down at the water, "I wouldn't be alive if he didn't do what he did. He put me in the last capsule there. It was terrible...he was barely holding it together yet he saved me."

"He loved you," Asuka breathed, memories of her own parents coming to mind.

"Yet, I'm still so angry..." Misato paused, "I shouldn't talk to you about this. You're just a child."

An old feeling, annoyance, reared its ugly head but Asuka pushed it away, "I shouldn't have asked."

She sighed, "But you know all about my past, don't you?"

Misato quirked an eyebrow, "Yes. It's part of my job. This isn't going to be a 'you know mine so I should know yours', right?"

"No, no. I just wanted to clear it up."

Misato looked back at the sunset as it slipped behind the distant mountains, "It's ancient history for both of us. We shouldn't let it bother us."

Asuka nodded slowly. Some things needed to be let go. She'd do that later, after all of this was over.

[semi-imaginary-place]

Watching Rebuild of Evangelion 1.0+3.0 part 1

3.0+1.0: I like how WILLE can’t fix eva, i saw this in 3.0 too where unit 02′s arm hadn’t regrown, it was using a mechanical prosthetic. wow the world is surprisingly not destroyed. weird and red but not the no-building-left-standing state of end of evangelion, here in rebuild everything is just red and frozen in time. where are people getting food? can you eat the red trees and stuff?

eyyy those two idiots survived. toji’s taking the new rei pretty well or maybe he forgot old rei had seen crowds before. and here i was hoping there’d be no more asuka panty shots. guess i was too optimistic. asuka and mari’s bodies don’t age, but shinji’s will??? whats that growing line mean. during the near third impact how much of shinji was left how much was reconstructed by WILLE? by the old rei? shinji’s been moping for 30 minutes. nahhh kensuke i think gendo’s a lost cause, not worth it. this new rei’s arc was very good. very good.

ah i do love shinji facing the consequences of his actions. almost destroyed the planet again? you thought you were going to play a special and important role and beloved by everyone? you put the very important vault of earth life of the big battle ship that everyone tries to blow up???????? i mean sure it has good defenses but that ship is constantly taking damage and also sees the most combat. does black moon mean something different again? the moons in the anime were the interstellar spacecraft carrying the seeds/etc. but the black moon here was created during the failed fourth impact. teal... teal... wasn’t someone’s favorite color teal? more than just destroying eva 13 you should also work on killing gendo and fuyutsuki. L containment field barrier surface. those are words. L is the unlivable stuff right so is that white thing keeping it in or out? im confused.

that was a seal. asuka did go too far and merge with an eva... unit02 wont let her break though but she’s getting dangerously close to awakening 02 and then 02 could trigger an Impact. mari just cant keep her arms. KAWORU IS STILL STUCK IN THERE. i think that’s him backlit there. “shikinami type. my original” huh??? if you can’t tell im pausing every few second because oh this is a lot. just what are the spears in rebuild. in the og anime there was 1 per egg as a failsafe to seal it. i rather liked the first ancestral race concept. there’s a sense of comfort that their arc of souls managed to create something. a legacy.  here in this movie? idk.     i was thinking back to the 9th angel when asuka’s entry plug was  crushed by unit01 didthey replace her then? but no she was a clone all  along. so asuka got eaten by unit13 just like how unit01 absorbed the  old rei.   why is the second pilot needed for 13? before it was adam and lilin inside an eva. oh. sees instrumentality and gendo’s meant slightly different things, that unconfuses things. if shinji hadn’t piloted unit01 in the event that started n3i, well an angel would have destroyed nerv and everyone there. there was talk of other bases having anti angel technology across the globe so humanity might have been able to destroy it, but misato wouldn’t have had the chance to throw her coup so who knows if there’d be a resistance force against nerv and stopping their plans so shinji not piloting? ehhh its hard to say which would be the better outcome.

oh that framing is confusing probably on purpose but what i think is happening is that gendo realizes old rei’s soul has been piloting 01. shinji enter’s 01 and talks to rei. but how the camera goes from gendo to rei makes you think they’re in the same room. oh wow the animation here is WEIRD. earlier in rebuild the evas were always kinda stretchy but felt massive. here it looks like an old sentai film there they dressed up actors in costume and staged a fight in a miniature city. visually really weird, narratively eh anti-universe? i guess anything goes now. and he hits the greenscreen! ok this is deliberate (or they ran out of budget and are being tongue in cheek. cant tell). oh no is this going to end with them realizing they’re fictional characters? gendo and his monologuing. i dont care what he has to say.

[mikumanogi-blog]

2022-04-29 “Hello” Ikeda Teresa’s first blog [ENG]

One of the first things you learn in the world is the greeting ‘hello’ so that’s why the first words that I want to give you is. Hello!

 I’m going to be in charge of the blog for today (´˘`)

Once again it’s a pleasure to meet you all, I’m the new 5th generation member Ikeda Teresa.

Introduction

Name:

Ikeda Teresa

My first name is read as Teresa. It’s a pleasure to make your acquaintance ☺︎

Please call me Teresa.

 Birthday:

The 12th of May, Nightingale day  

My mother wanted me to be a nurse. I’m almost 20.

 Birth place

Tokyo, I’m the only one out of all the 5th generation members from Tokyo.

 Blood type:

?

 Hobbies:

Drawing and reading manga.

My favorite Mangas are: Attack on Titan, Neon Genesis Evangelion, Shojo Fight, Hunter x Hunter, Chainsaw man, Chikita GuGu, Knights of Sidonia, Rose of Versailles, Histoire, Takopi no Genzai, From now on we begin ethics, Itazura Kiss, Lychee Light Club, Tokyo Kitaku Akabane, The animal doctors, Patalliro, Peleliu: Guernica of Paradise, Juhan Shuttai, Bitter Sweet, Dien Bien Phu, Blank Canvas: My So-called Artist’s Journey, Wakakozake, Mayuzuki no Sei, 7Seeds. Did I write down to many? There’s a lot more.

I mainly read food Manga, Daily life Manga, and Historical Manga.

Though I really like Attack on Titan and Evangelion!

My favorite characters are Hange and Misato-san (｀-ω-´)✧

Why do I like them?... *Warning Spoilers ahead*

Anyways, the color palate used in Evangelion is really strong. The Yellow Green mixed with the purple is really cool. Mentioned later but the it’s the same color palate used in Kamen Rider W Cyclone x Joker. The complementary colors are soooo good 💚💜

When I talked to Aya about this she said Muscat and grapes! When I watch it later it’s going to make my stomach rumble. I like considering un-created developments. Ever since I was young I would look through inquiry websites.

There’s still a lot more Otaku stories but before then there’s something I want to talk about in more detail. Please be carful of spoilers ⚠

That’s right I also like Kamen Rider.

I specifically like Den-O. I’ve also completed Kuuga, W, Build, Zi-O…or that’s what I would like to say but there are a lot of things I need to re-examine. (real time) (Without Kuuga) (Because I still wasn’t born yet) But I need to tell you first! My favorite character from Den-O is Deneb. I really like Kamen Rider Zeronos Vega Form! Do want to eat shiitake mushrooms?

 I’ll let you know my penlight color soon! Please wait.

 Personality

Moody, pessimistic and shy.

↓to make positive

I’m gloomy at heart but I can switch to being bright and cheery on the outside. If you can understand the other person well then you can find a proper way to face them, when you open your heart everything becomes quite pleasant, or so they say.

Iroha-chan gave me some of her positivity! Thank you ( ᵕ̩̩ㅅᵕ̩̩ )

I’m really not good and putting on a mask and talking with other people but I feel like I can express myself a lot better through written words. That’s why it makes it easier for me to write a blog and talk to you like this! From now on I’m going to continue to write a lot so please read it if you so like ( ¨̮ )

This is who I am so please look after me.

 A story from the Meet and Greet.

On April 27th we 5th generation members did a meet and greet for the second time. Thank you to everyone that came, I’m really thank for to all the interest surrounding us 5th generation members. Did you have fun?

When I stood in front of everyone for the first time and the called my name due the large scale of the reaction I almost fainted( ˊᵕˋ ;)

I think I was very nervous and stiff. Think of the crowd as vegetables! Is what people often say but with this many vegetables in front of you of course I’d get nervous! The impression of the situation was surreal but the transformation power of Den-O really saved me, Kamen Rider Teresapan! Who? Tere has arrived. (A joke, the first pose that came to me was ‘dedicate your heart’! To who? To you who is reading my blog, that’s who.

For my special skill I did solo basketball. I can get this three pointer! Is what I thought but when I shot it… I missed. I’m going to blame it on not having done it in a while. I have more confidence when the referee blows the whistle (  ¯﹀¯  ) *smug*Next time, let’s play basketball together.

Everyone’s skills were super awesome! I was desperate to suppress my voice from the side of the stage. Naonao’s impression of me was really good! I’m a little embarrassed.

The live concert portion made me truly emotional. Do you all know how much power your penlights gave us? Dancing with us during the hook of “Kimi no Na ha Kibou” and the hand clapping during “Sing Out!” I could once again feel in my bones how big an impact the fans really have.

I was so glad at the end we were able to exchange words in real life. I don’t think there has ever been another moment in my life where I have used the words “thank you so meaningfully” if there ever has been this one has for sure topped it. That’s why even now MY. VOICE. IS. STILL. HOARSE. Cries of joy.

 We 5th gens are so happy and blessed that the first stage that we stood on was such a amazing and wonderful one. The thankfulness that we have for being given such an amazing environment as our first stage makes us want to repay it with something even more amazing. Thank you so very much!

 Story of the online meet and greet.

Up till now I’ve participated in 2 meet and greet. The first time… I was really nervous because I didn’t know if anyone would come and see me. So when I saw the standby screen for the first I felt extremely relieved.

I couldn’t say anything clever and I got tongue tied and clammed up but there were still people that wanted to talk with me  and I wanted more than anything to make it worth their time. Even now you’re just continuing to give…

I want to remember the names of everyone that came to see me, I want to say ‘Welcome back’ to everyone that comes and sees me next time.

When people from the online meet and greet saw me at the live meet and greet and they had my name I thought my heart would stop. My fans actually exist in real life don’t they. It’s such an honor to be mixed in with the lives of everyone! It’s unbelievable how happy I am. Tomorrow, on the 30th there is another meet and greet. I’ll be perpetually waiting for you here. Please come and see me one day.

 I’m sorry for dragging this out for so long. You’re amazing for making it this far!

 Here’s some pictures with the other 5th generation members　↓

Tomisatoo

Okamotoo

Nyokiiiiiii

 I’m not the type of person to take a lot of pictures and the lack of pictures in my folder is kind of unnerving…

 I think I’m going to take a lot more pictures from now on 💪🏽( ¨̮ 💪🏽)

I also like the film from documentary shoots.

Tomorrow is gonna be Miku-chan, Please read it ←impersonator

This day, April 29th is a commemorative day for me because it is the first I’m addressing a blog to everyone!

This was Ikeda, 22.03.29

https://www.nogizaka46.com/s/n46/diary/detail/100218?ima=3619

[zephyrthejester]

Let’s talk at length about NGE episode 15′s final minute

After Episode 15 of Neon Genesis Evangelion, everything changed. Everything! And the idea of moving straight on from it with such little fanfare didn't sit right with me. Not when nearly all my theories were tossed out the window, not when many past events got re-contextualized. Not when I've obtained some entirely new theories...! So today, in an effort to gather all my thoughts in one place so you readers are on the same page as I am as we move forward, I'm going to write an essay on the final minute of NGE's fifteenth episode... and also some other details I haven't talked about yet.

Ready for some words? Click "Keep Reading" to continue.

Part 1: Adam and...?

We need to talk about the big, white, seven-eyed elephant in the room first thing. Adam, the First Human. Adam, the First Angel. Adam, the Enemy. Crucified and skewered by the Lance of Longinus, as I've been informed, in the exact same manner that Christ himself suffered. So what is his deal?

My first thought here was that the Angel attacks on Tokyo-3 haven't been to destroy the city and Nerv HQ, but to rescue Adam and bring him home. Or maybe to trigger Third Impact... But then I remembered that there were multiple Angel attacks on the city well before Adam was delivered to it, which greatly complicates that theory. I've nothing to continue with concerning this matter, so I guess I'll have to move on to talking about his origin.

Misato identified Adam as being the cause of Second Impact. There was the briefest flash of the roof of a building being torn apart by the winds of the incoming explosion, which I remember from the flashback to Second Impact we had a few episodes ago. That's proof enough for me. It is very reasonable to assume that Adam is indeed the First Angel that was discovered and experimented on by a team of scientists, Misato's father among them. And as we'd recall, it was specifically human meddling that incited Second Impact.

But what happened to Adam immediately afterwards? When Kaji handed him off to Gendo, he was encased in an amber-like substance and in the form of a fetus. The fetus form, I'm guessing, being a default state that all Angels are born/created in before emerging from their Chrysalis and taking their true shape. Remember Clusthulhu's initial similarity to Adam? I can only assume that Adam reverted to fetus form and was flash frozen following Second Impact. I think that the folk at Nerv let Adam take his true shape, then crucified him.

And now Gendo wants to kill him. But is that all? Kill him with the Lance of Longinus, and no more Angels appear? Humanity is saved? Is he slowly dying after being stabbed with the Lance, or are further plans in store? Is the Lance even killing him, or doing something else entirely? Is this the Human Instrumentality Project? I guess time will have to tell. Right now, all I can do is speculate.

Moving on, I'd like to note that Adam is probably very, very special among Angels. He bleeds golden blood, for one thing. I know that the other Angels are identified as having "blue blood type," even though they bleed red. Weird. Furthermore, he is probably the progenitor of Humanity, if the humanoid growths on its lower half are any indication. They aren't moving, so maybe the Lance put a stop to that... Oh yeah! Remember how Angels share 99.89% matching DNA with humans? Now we know why! In a sense, is the being called “Adam” closer to “God?”

Finally, we need to talk about something really big. Like, really important. 'Cause man, there's still one Angel unaccounted for. The Second Angel. And you know it, man, you just know it... Where there's an Adam, there has to be an Eve.

And I speculate that "Eve" is none other than Evangelion Unit 01.

Why else would Gendo place extreme importance on the safety of Unit 01, even beyond the other two Evangelions? Why else would the intro of this show prominently depict Unit 01 sprouting golden wings that strongly resemble those that Adam sprouted during Second Impact? And you just know it'd be the juiciest drama for the show's main character to one day discover.

Following this theory, I'm going to have to assume that the other two Eva units are purely artificial. After the Simulation Bodies were shown to us, it seems likely. Or, just maybe, Eve was really flipping huge and all three Evas are made of her flesh, too.

Part 2: Gendo and Seele

I'm grateful to have been informed that the HIPC is really just Seele. Those other bigwigs at the council in the dark room? They're Seele. At least, that's what I've gathered. I get the sense that Gendo is sort of lone-wolfing it... Though the others speak down to him like they're his superiors, Gendo is self-assured because he holds all the cards. And that is true. Something tells me that if it came down to it, Gendo would be willing to totally screw over Seele just to do what he thinks is right. But for now, it seems they're all working towards fulfilling the Human Instrumentality Project. Though there's no telling if Gendo and Seele's vision of the HIP are identical.

One big mystery is what Gendo was doing in the Antarctic a few episode ago. It was well after Adam was delivered, so it couldn't have been related to that, right? For some reason, Gendo personally payed a visit to the site of Second Impact... But to do what, exactly? Why did he need to be there?

I'd also like to mention the strange long, thin object covered by a tarp in the Moby Dick episode. Looking back on it, that was probably the Lance of Longinus, yeah? That really confuses me. Is the Lance man-made, then? What's so special about it that it's apparently needed to kill Adam? Was it picked up from Germany along with Asuka and Kaji, or did it come from somewhere else? Still a lot of mysteries here.

Part 3: Rei and Shinji

It's pretty clear that Rei is indeed genetically engineered now. To pilot an Evangelion, certainly. To wield the Lance of Longinus and stab Adam, most probably. But what comes next for Rei? Does she have more business with Adam in the future? Why is it that she and Gendo are so close? Rei is definitely intentionally keeping secrets from Shinji, not that the boy asks any questions anyway.

If it comes down to it, I won't be surprised if Rei sides with Gendo over Shinji and Asuka if some sort of conflict arises.

Furthermore, the vat Rei was floating in was hooked up to a giant machine that looked a lot like the Magi. Did the Magi help create her, then? (Does that mean Rei is technically Ritsuko's sister?) And furthermore, what was Rei doing in that vat, anyway? Regenerating, or something? Undergoing further DNA modifications? It's really weird!

Part 4: Misato and Kaji

I haven't said this yet, but Misato is my favorite character on the show. I really admire her calculating, razor-sharp decisiveness during Angel attacks, and outside of those situations, she's truly the only person who shows Shinji any true kindness and warmth. I've only just realized it, but her conflicted feelings for her father really does make her like Shinji. The two are far more similar than I've given them credit for. And the thing is, because Misato sees so much of herself in Shinji, she can really offer just the right words of encouragement to help him out. She’s a great character.

Then there's Kaji. I didn't mention it at the time, but we learned who he's really working for: Japan's Ministry of Home Affairs. So he's working for just some standard-fare government thing? How boring. Still, I guess I should be grateful that the scale of wackiness doesn't go beyond Seele.

When it comes to Misato and Kaji's relationship, well... If Misato loves him, knowing full well the sort of man he is, I guess it's kinda okay? I just hope the nature of their jobs don't land them in deep trouble down the line. Things could really turn dangerous and nasty if stuff hit the fan, y'know?

Part 5: Asuka and Shinji

Let's end this on a happy note, shall we? I can't believe I'm only now realizing it, but Asuka is just a straight up tsundere. I've even noticed her many attempts at showing off for Shinji's benefit and her many gripes that Shinji isn't more interesting. Heck, there was even the synchronization training! But it's only now clicked...

So what prompted the kiss? I'd wager that spending a day out with some boy from school on an arranged blind date was what did it. She probably spent all that time thinking about a certain someone she'd much rather be with! Claiming to be bored, that she did it just for fun, is her way of making an excuse so she could back out of it and maintain her self-perceived dignity.

Shinji being a lonely, horny teenager who was already attracted to her, yeah, I'd guess that he'd be more than willing to pursue Asuka. He almost passed out holding his breath for the kiss, after all. If Asuka said "Shinji, we're dating now," I guarantee you he'd say "O-okay." Though I can imagine that the shipping wars in this fandom must have been... intense... during its heyday.

So yeah, guess that's all the thoughts in my head vomited out. Not sure how to end this, so... See you with more Evangelion tomorrow!

[angelic-courting-rituals]

interstitial (part the third)

Continued from part the second. An AU where this time, it’s Shinji’s turn to wait. (part the first here) 

He finally remembered their song twelve hours after the end of his fourteenth birthday, when he realized that Kaworu wasn’t planning on attending.

Initially, he hadn’t been nearly as hurt as one might expect when his entire birthday slipped by with nary a sign of Kaworu’s presence. And make no mistake, it had hurt, but he’d only sulked for a few days before he more or less pulled himself out of his slump by reasoning that it was a bit unreasonable to expect Kaworu to arrive promptly upon the hour, so to speak. After all, their first time around, it had taken a good few months before Kaworu had finally appeared to him like one of the angels after which his species had been named. So Shinji resolved to abstain a little longer, since good things were supposed to come to those who wait. Kaworu had practically confirmed that himself that day he’d taken Shinji’s hand and said, “good things happen when we’re together,” hadn’t he? Surely, this was some kind of trial to test his faith, because serious matters such as true love really required a proper trial of the subject’s mettle.

He thus held out for one more month, sending daily letters to Kaworu with religious devotion. “Do you remember that one time we tried to dance to that recording of the violin waltz you played for the school concert? And I was secretly (or maybe not so secretly - you know everything, it seems) glad that I’d discovered something you weren’t good at?” “Today at school Asuka made some comment about ‘no homo’ and I suddenly remembered that one time we were sitting on the couch together looking at sheet music together, and I was lying with my legs over yours and Asuka walked in and said, ‘that’s really gay,’ and then I started laughing right there at school. So even when you’re not here you make me laugh. I’m sure Asuka would have something to say about that. Can’t wait until you’re here so that we can find out exactly what.” “It’s been a couple weeks since I’ve remembered something about you, or us. I’m a little bit worried.”

At the three month mark, his letters had slowed from a deluge to a stream of about once a week, but Shinji managed to write this off as a matter of quality vs. quantity. He’d cringed when he’d thought of some of the proto-love letters he used to write on the back of his math worksheets once they’d been handed back after corrections, because if his school insisted on killing some trees, they might as well be put toward something more valuable than times tables. Although “Dear Kaworu, how was your day? I hope you didn’t get stuck in traffic,” maybe wasn’t all that much better than “12 x 9 = 108” in terms of things Kaworu might be interested in. All for the best, then, that he hadn’t had the idea to send them up via burning until later. So yes, he told himself, Kaworu probably appreciated not being overwhelmed with what had basically amounted to insipid diary entries.

And furthermore, Shinji had penned Kaworu a lengthy, praise-laden letter for his birthday on the 13th, chock full of all his favorite stories he’d managed to recall so far in as much detail as he could manage, and once he’d run out of those, he extended the content of the letter by switching the genre from creative nonfiction to speculative fiction, imagining all of the things that could possibly fill in the numerous blanks in their timeline. (“Do you think there’s some universe out there where we met at a wedding? For some reason, I feel like that’s something that could have happened.”) He refrained from burning a lock of his hair like he’d heard of in Mari’s plethora of romance books, because he did have some standards, plus, being friends-slash-lab partners with Mari meant he actually had experienced the smell of burning hair before, and that wasn’t romantic in the least. He imagined Kaworu would be a bit offended (but only a bit, since anything more would run contrary to his utter goodness) should Shinji consider him not sensible enough to possess standards of his own.

Six months after Shinji’s fourteenth birthday, the stream had nearly dried up completely, although it wasn’t as if Kaworu was on his mind any less. He kept thinking on a daily, if not hourly basis, “I’ll make sure to send a letter to Kaworu by this Friday,” and then when it was Friday, and he had nothing to show for all his affections, he shifted his deadline to the end of the weekend, and then again to Wednesday, and then back to Friday night again — surely it’d be done by this Friday, because he didn’t have much else going on anyway. And then the cycle would repeat itself again and again until it was the middle of December, and Shinji looked at the only half-used notebook in which he’d composed Kaworu’s letters, and he thought that maybe, just maybe, he might have the slightest idea of how Kaworu felt.

A few weeks later on Christmas Eve, he knew he had no idea how Kaworu felt.

Between the remembering, the resultant crying, and the sheer implausibility of the whole thing, he really didn’t have the energy to tell Misato what was wrong, so he choked out something about seeing all the couples walking around together. “I don’t know,” he said, “I just all of a sudden had this thought, that I think that maybe I’m never going to have that, I don’t know.” After that, Misato seemed to think she understood what the problem was, and she started dropping little comments about “You know, Shinji, you should try going to that New Year’s party at Makinami’s, make some new friends, maybe meet a nice girl you’ll like — or boy! Because that’s totally fine; it’s 2015 now.” Shinji appreciated the effort, and he went to the party both to get Misato off his back and maybe to see if there was a certain nice boy who might have arrived now that Shinji knew about that and maybe that meant he was really ready to meet him, like maybe Ayanami had a secret brother who grew up somewhere else, and she’d brought him along now that he was in town for the holidays. Or something like that.

But he met no such nice boy.

“You know, you don’t have to resort to that. There’s this thing called internet porn,” the cashier at the convenience store said when he spotted Shinji perusing one of the teen girl magazines a little too closely.

“I’m holding it for her,” Shinji said, gesturing towards Asuka, who was browsing the selection of frozen treats even though it was January. “It’s cold, like my heart,” she’d said with a deadpan expression when the cashier had directed a similar subtly snide comment about her own shopping choices. Now that he hadn’t gotten a rise out of Shinji either, he rolled his eyes before lowering them back down to the cell phone game he’d been playing when they’d walked in, and Shinji felt safe to return to his reading, the “Good Boyfriend Quiz.”

It was one of those quizzes where it was pretty clear what the answers were supposed to be. For example:

Question: When you’re having a bad day, what does your boyfriend do?

Answer, practically broadcasting heavy font and multiple underlines: C) He tells you he loves you and buys you ice cream. Even in the middle of January, presumably.

Shinji had made it all the way to the last question before he’d been interrupted.

The meanest thing your guy ever did was:

A) not call you for three days during one of your fights

B) have the waitstaff at the restaurant sing you “Happy Birthday.” It was embarrassing!

C) yelled at you during an argument, calling you stupid

The answer, of course, was “kept you waiting for fourteen years, and continue to keep you waiting despite this — this better be one hell of a date!” But there was no option for that, so he just pressed his thumbnail to the pale pink box next to choice B, leaving a faint crease in the glossy paper, because he didn’t need the Powers That Be to have any reason to think bringing Kaworu back to him would be anything but a blessing. Just to emphasize his point — poorly written magazine questionnaires didn’t possess all the rhetorically blunt weapons in the metaphorical shed — he repeated the process with every other copy of the magazine available on the rack before he carefully rearranged them.

When he got home, he plugged his headphones into his keyboard and practiced their song until he could play both parts with just his two hands, but he made a point not to, because he didn’t want Kaworu to ever think that he didn’t need him.

@mermaidsnogrr

[recentanimenews]

Happy Birthday to Evangelion's Misato Katsuragi, Anime's First Millennial!

Misato Katsuragi was born on December 8, 1986, making her 33 today. It also makes her, officially, a Millennial. Evangelion director Hideaki Anno described has as an adult version of Sailor Moon's Tsukino Usagi, a woman "who lives life so lightly as to barely allow the possibility of human touch." But for all her seeming frivolity, she is also a capable commander, responsible for saving the world on numerous occasions and named after the Katsuragi-class aircraft carrier from World War II.

  On my first viewing of Evangelion, when I was Shinji's age, Misato seemed an odd combination of clashing character traits: A beautiful woman who's a slob, a capable commander who can't seem to dress herself, and a fanservice joke character responsible for some of the most searing emotional moments of the series. On a more recent rewatch, however, I discovered Misato had become the series' protagonist. Instead of identifying with the abandoned and confused Shinji Ikari, the perenially late, overburdened, stressed out Misato of episode 1 was immediately more compelling. Those car payments now actually meant something to me.

    It's not terribly hard to see an emotional connection between Shinji and Misato. Both are damaged by toxic relationships to their workaholic fathers and both characters favor being as withdrawn as possible. Shinji takes this into a form of actual retreat, whereas Misato, after her time spent institutionalized, has become an expert of being extremely superficial. The difference between having no social relationships and having countless extremely shallow ones isn't that great, as many a social media user can attest to.

  And even when Misato attempts intimacy, such as with her relationship with Kaji, she consciously or unconsciously chose another workaholic to become attached to. Even if they became close, this ensures they would never become too close. Even her choice of pet is telling: Instead of a dog or a cat with some requirements of responsibility and demands of touch, Pen Pen is largely self-sufficient and undemanding. He's the perfect pet for someone who doesn't want to be completely alone, and yet being a little alone is still alright.

  In all of the episodes I rewatched, Misato's character stood out with increased prominence. She was less of an enigma than I once thought, and became intensely relatable. She was a high-functioning depressive and alcoholic, always together enough to perform professionally, but on her own time she collapses into naps, junk food, and binge drinking. She has no known hobbies. And she is prone to dramatic, potentially self-destructive action. She risks her life with little provocation when the Jetalone robot approaches meltdown.  But her most dramatic overreaction of all is when Misato takes custody of Shinji so he won't be alone, even though she doesn't know how to help. Overcapable, underpaid, consistently depressed, self-medicating and prone to dramatic action in largely self-destructive attempts to improve her life or the lives of others? Misato sounded a lot like a few people I know from my generation.

    Misato is also a hero, though. She is the one adult in Evangelion who at any time can be trusted, and the sole conscience of NERV. She bristles at the dishonesty she deals with on the job, initially mocking the misleading claims NERV PR puts out about the third angel attack. When she learns NERV has no soul to be saved, Misato goes rogue, first quietly with the intelligence Kaji has provided her, and in End of Evangelion, strikes out with a handgun and a bad attitude. A complete idealist, she comes up with the goals she wants to achieve before she can figure out how she can possibly achieve them.

  In the cold and alien Evangelion 3.33, Misato is transformed into a kind of lawful good version of Gendo Ikari as the commander of WILLE. This doppelganger Misato, pure ideal and determination, underscores what makes her original incarnation such a compelling hero. In her imperfection, you can see how much she suffers for her ideals. It is her struggle that makes her powerful.

    Episode 12, "She said, 'Don't make others suffer for your personal hatred'" is a great showcase for Misato's character. The episode begins with Misato being placed into an escape pod by her scientist father, overshadowing their difficult relationship with an act of seemingly selfless love, and underscoring the trauma that Misato underwent as a child. In the present, a few people notice Misato has been quietly promoted, something she doesn't highlight because praise isn't an important incentive for her. Toji and Kensuke throw her a party, and Misato notices Shinji's discomfort in the social situation.

  A new angel appears in the atmosphere, and Misato comes up with the seemingly crazy plan to catch it in midair, which Ritsuko dismisses as reckless. Misato promises the pilots a steak dinner if they succeed, an impressive-sounding reward, to Misato, likely due to food scarcity surrounding the second impact. Shinji and Asuka feign enthusiasm, but Rei simply refuses to eat meat. The pilots succeed, but decide to get ramen instead.

  So much of this episode is in the subtext! On the surface, Misato is the competent leader with clever plans to beat the angels, but deep down there's anger, resentment, and self-destructive risk taking. She attempts to reach out to her young pilots personally and fails utterly, although she doesn't know it. She has their trust, but her attempt to be a cool adult ends up with her young charges taking pity on her. Despite it all, however, Misato and her team succeed because she's actually been in their lives while the other adults of NERV have been absent.

    If you haven't revisited Evangelion since you were younger, I highly recommend it. I've found the very story it was intending to tell has changed as I've come to appreciate Misato's perspective over Shinji's. While I'd always considered Misato to be the show's best girl, I felt she had very little in common with me. Now she's someone I hold onto as an example of perserverence over adversity. What are your favorite Misato moments? Let us know in the comments!

  ------

Thomas Zoth is a features writer for Crunchyroll, blogs occasionally at Hungry Bug Diner, and appears on podcasts at Infinite Rainy Day. You can follow him on Twitter at @ABCBTom.

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