#missing is the dead eye he has afterwards before the animation loop

[ride-a-dromedary]

[I'm sorry for your loss.] It was a long time ago. The wounds don't heal, but they become more bearable.

[big1ron]

The Venator “Resolute” had jumped right into a separatist trap. Somehow a virus infecting the main computer has scrambled the hyperspace jump coordinates, and now the companies on board were outnumbered and without reinforcements, deep in separatist space. A few last, desperate SOSs to nobody, and the ship was quickly overwhelmed with fire. The Resolute was going down. But not before each of the escape pods could be jettisoned.

————- Chapter Two: Bad Things -—————

Dogma shot the droid and tackled Jesse just a second to late, and took the bolt himself

The pain in his left side (and a little across his back) was searing. He was still breathing though, it missed anything vital. Just grazed him. He was rolled off the arc trooper to the side as the blasterfire didn’t pause for a second even though his own shot had destroyed its target. The fire didn’t last for more than a minute though, as the arc trooper disarmed and destroyed two of the droids with ease, and the medic took the last one.

That was pathetic, he couldn’t even get back up afterwards. He had taken worse than this, so why did it hurt so badly? He could barely hear what Jesse was saying, almost didn’t notice coric appear beside him.

“You di’kut! That hurt you far worse than it would have hurt me, what were you thinking!”

Right. Arc trooper. Thicker chest plate means the bolt wouldn’t have hurt him that badly

“S-sorry sir.”

Coric removed Dogmas helmet and jabbed a painkillers hypo into his neck “that was a sniper bolt, high powered. But it missed anything vital, you’ll live” Quickly moves to remove the chest plate before being stopped by Jesse

“Leave it coric”

“Jesse I dont care how much you hate him if-“

“I said leave it! This isn’t about my feelings for him. Maybe I hate him a little but he’s still my brother and I don’t want him to suffer. But we just encountered commando droids and that means there could be more around. It’s not vital you treat that but If you remove his chest plate to treat that and he gets shot again, you would be dealing with something much worse. So let’s move!”

“I- sir yes sir.”

“Kix you doing okay there buddy?” Echo turns back from the head of the group to look at kix, who is leaning much more heavily on rex now. Rex had chosen the right tunnel, they were now on the surface walking through the forest.

“I hate you... soo much echo. Plea’slow down...” they couldn’t have been walking more than a few hours but Kix looked absolutely exhausted. And he had been tripped by echo a few times now.

“I do too Kix, I do too. Echo, he’s right we should stop here for a little while, you two need some rest. DON’T annoy him in his sleep please.“

Echo takes Kix from Rex and is glared at before he can drop him. “Oh come on. Neither of you hate me, and Rex I know I’m your favourite.”

“My favourite’s Fives”

Echo gasps, offended “you take that back”

“You’re all rex’ favourite ok? Can I plea’sleep now?” Echo sighs in apparent defeat. The two settle down against a tree and once rex is sure they’re both asleep he begins watch.

Rex paces the parameter and looks back at the two vode, sleeping together. He smiles softly. They really are cute when they aren’t trying to annoy each other, or him. On the farthest corner of his loop though he hears something drop down from the trees between him and the other two. Commando droids.

They were completely unseen in the night, with their eyes not glowing like they should. They did now though, and he was surrounded as three appeared behind him. Rex immediately turn to the one centred behind him and blasts it to smithereens, diving over it and rolling to escape the others blasts. He runs in the opposite direction to echo and Kix to lure the droids away.

All four droids fall for it, they must not have noticed the two. The captain stops dead in his tracks and elbows the nearest droid in the face and shoots it with his free hand. He then throws that droid into another, knocking it over and deactivating both. He shoots a third down and has a mini heart attack when he can’t find the fourth. Is almost relieved when it springs on him from a nearby bush. He wrestles with it on the ground until he can grab his dropped blaster, and shoot it.

Rex gets up and dusts himself off. Now he just needs to get back and... which direction did he come from...?

“ECHO! KIX? WHERE ARE YOU TWO” he called but either they were to far to hear him or were to asleep to hear him.

“- But thats way to risky! There are three of us hardcase, we will be killed!”

“It’s either that or we get used to this place cause we aren’t leaving”

“There are other ways than storming into a separatist base, think with your head for once!”

“Oh don’t start that up again. I’m thinking perfectly fine, just cause your an arc trooper doesn’t make you any smarter than me”

“Yeah well maybe it gives me a little more common-

“will you two stop arguing already!?”

Hardcase and Fives both stop bickering to look at Tup. It’s the first time either of them has stopped bickering in the last few hours.

“Stop yelling at each other, it’s getting nowhere. I know you both want what’s best for the squad but you can do that without screaming at each other! Fives I know you’re and arc trooper and hardcase I know you have seniority, and I know you have conflicting ideas and opinions but following the structure of command we have to listen to fives.”

The three were walking in a single file line across a thin out pass on the side of a cliff face, heading for the summit. Fives first plan. Get a vantage point. Tups speach shut the two of them up for a little, but not long, as they started fighting again as hardcase questioned who has been put in charge by Rex more often. They didn’t hear him yelp when the rocks fell out from beneath him. He was send skidding all the way back down to the base of the cliff, which had had to have been a few hundred feet at least. He tried to grab at rocks, branches, anything he could to slow his fall but all he did was send himself rolling instead of sliding.

He landed on the ground with a thud. His head was spinning and he hardly had time to even register what had happened. He let himself lay splayed in the ground for a second before mentally checking himself over. His hair tie had snapped sometime during the fall and he would definitely be bruised in quite a few places but nothing felt broken. He pulled himself to his feet and looked back up to where they were. He couldn’t see fives or hardcase “GUYS! FIVES, HARDCASE!” He called “IM DOWN HERE!”

No response. Great. Ok. Nice.

Tup scooped up his blaster and began to search for another way up the cliff.

“HARDCASE WE LOST TUP”

“WHAT”

“HES GONE”

“HOW COULD YOU LOSE TUP!?”

“HEY I didn’t lose anyone. He just disappeared!!”

“Well where could he have gone?!”

Both turn and look down and look to eachother before fives has to grab hardcase to stop him flinging himself off the cliff

Jesse still has one pistol drawn and is on guard as his group moves down the path. Dogma had been even more quiet then later but coric assumed that was to hide the pain. Coric would keep an eye on him, he wouldn’t tell him whenever the painkillers wore off. That’s something he knew about dogma. Dogma wasn’t paying attention and tripped in some kind of animal burrow. He w t down with a small noise of distress. Coric stopped and waited for him to get up, Jesse didn’t. Dogma caught back up to the group, but the limp was noticeable. Jesse only rolled his eyes.

“Hey are you alright?” Coric asked, as if he expected any answer other than ‘fine.’

“I’m alright, doesn’t matter.”

Close enough. He kept an eye on him and the limp didn’t go away for 10 minutes so he decided to intervene.

“Hey Jesse, let’s stop. I want to check over dogma again. He’s limping”

“I’m fine coric it’s-“

Ah there it is. The ‘I’m fine’ he’s so used to hearing.

“Listen kid when a medic tells you something you listen. We’ll stop. Coric, make this as quick as possible though.”

Of course, Kix was also a medic. Jesse is just as bad as the rest of them but he’s probably heard these PSAs more than anyone.

Coric held up the medisensor and sighed

“It’s sprained. He really shouldn’t be walking on it. I won’t be able to treat it properly until we get back.”

“What? No, I can walk fine. I was just doing so, wasn’t I? Let’s get going again”

“No, you think you’re fine. If coric says you can’t, I guess you can’t.” Jesse sighs and turns to coric “I guess I’ll carry him. We can’t leave him here, and you’ve got the medpack.”

Coric’s honestly a little surprised Jesse agreed, but then he feels a little bad for underestimating Jesse. But then again he gets the feeling Jesse may actually just be playing four dimensional petty chess as well.

Having acquired Ahsoka a second bike, the two Jedi were surveying the planet right until the crack of dawn when

“Master am I crazy or do you feel what I feel?”

Anakin’s bike skids to a stop in front of a trooper laying face down in the dirt, as if that’s right where he fell

“Whatcha doing Rex? Trying to become a landform?”

The captain pulls his arms underneath him and gets up. He is almost tackled right back to the ground as he’s tackle hugged from behind. Luckily he’s caught (and also hugged from the front) by anakin.

“We missed you Rex! I was afraid you were shot down! I’m so glad you’re alive...” said ahsoka

“It’s great to see you two, sirs. But I don’t know how much longer I’ll be alive if you keep crushing me”

“Now ahsoka, please don’t kill our poor captain. He looks like he’s had a long day.” He pulls away from Rex and ahsoka does the same. “So Rex, we only have two speeders, so who do you want to ride with?”

“Uhh...” he weighed his options. On the one hand- to long. Both Jedi got that glint in their eye that meant competition and both grabbed at rex at once. Anakin pulled him towards himself before ahsoka could lay a hand on the captain.

“Alright captain, you’re riding with me. Hold on.”

[missinghan]

dandelion ⤖ hwang hyunjin

❖ genre : strangers to lovers!au; fluff; angst

❖ word count : 12,2k.

❖ warning : explicit language 

❖ summary : it’s funny how you’ve been second-guessing every single thing in life to the T but the only thing you didn��t just happens to be running after a total stranger named Hwang Hyunjin.

one.

“And that, my friend, is the end of the chapter. See, that wasn’t so hard, you just need to pay more attention to the details.” Minho shuts his textbook closed and grins at you from your laptop screen. 

Your typical Monday starts with online school and ends with Lee Minho since your non-existent brain cells furiously agree to comprehend zero ounce of what your teacher rambled about accounting. Being the sly snake that he is, Minho ‘kindly’ offered you a weekly tutor session with him. Kindly, that is. And you simply cannot see that specific word in his less than appropriate vocabulary when all he did for the past ninety minutes was repeating the same damn things that your teacher did last week. 

You groan rather quietly. “How am I supposed to pay more attention to them when they’re so fucking small ?” And you don’t even have to think twice to see that smug smile appearing on your friend’s face. 

One that pops up whenever he’s clinging onto Han Jisung’s back like the sloth that he is, one that also occurs when he’s mentally prepare himself to clapping back at you with the most obnoxious yet witty comment that’s gonna make you wanna jump through the laptop screen and strangle him until he begs you to stop.

“Well, aren’t you being unreasonable ?” Minho tuts. “In fact, the smallest details are by far the most important.” You can’t help but scowl when he’s talking all calmly in his wisdom glory as if he’s Sherlock Holmes and you’re John Waston, running after him from one place to another as he keeps lecturing you and acting all mysterious with his stupid deerstalker. 

As if he’s asking you to examine a dead body with grand conclusions and spits at you afterwards “Nice one John, you missed every single essential detail that’d give us a lead, again.” A stark contrast compared to when he’s yelling and running around spontaneously. Tsk, so unnecessary. 

You feel a rush of air rising up in your rib cage as you cough harshly into the sleeves of your shirt. “Alright— smartie pants, how about you— go find Han and just make— out on Changbin’s expensive leather couch, yeah ?” You say between coughs, hand reaching for the oxygen tubes that’s carelessly thrown on the side of your bed. 

The boys always come over to Changbin’s place for a movie night every Monday. You believe that they’re planning on seeing the sequel of ‘Jumanji’ to switch it up instead of watching Woojin’s sappy dramas. How fitting. 

Minho pouts. “Come on sour patch, don’t be mad. I didn’t mean to point out how much of a dumbass you are.” And it’s no doubt that those words of his are dripping with sarcasm and fake empathy. He’s too predictable at this point. 

Normal people would have freaked out to see their friend choking on air like this but it’s been countless times since Minho saw you hacking up lungs and had people yelling at him “Why the fuck are you just standing there ? She’s dying !” But truthfully, you do that all the time and he just doesn’t want to waste a single chance to at least make fun of you.

You sneer at him. “Hold your fucking tongue, you hypocrite.” As you put on the oxygen tubes and loop them around the rim of your ears, you breath adjusts itself slowly and steadily until you don’t sound like a drowning donkey again. 

“Whatever Y/N, I hope you don’t fail Park’s accounting class because that’d ruin my reputation.” Minho rolls his eyes dramatically as if the scene he’s just caused wasn’t dramatic enough in the first place. “Do you have the slightest idea of what I was trying to teach you for the past hour and a half ?” He asks semi-seriously because no matter how passionate he is about pestering you, you failing a subject because of him is the last thing he wants to go home with on his conscience. 

“Nope.” You beam. 

Minho closes his eyes and takes in a sharp breath. He’s trying so hard not to scream out loud right now, such an amusing sight. “It’s fine, it’s fine.” He repeats after himself, sounding more like he’s trying to prevent himself from exploding rather than comforting you about your stupidity. “We can just start over, I’ll just make a quick summary and you try to do the assignments by yourself after this, okay ?” 

“Fine.” 

And as Minho starts blabbering about the mere basics of accounting, the door swings open to reveal Jackson - your nurse - who’s pushing a cart full of medications inside your room, the wheels screeching against the tiled floor. “Having fun with maths again, I see.” Jackson comments with a mischievous smile. 

“Hey Jackson !” Minho inquires innocently. They both used to share a room when Jackson was still in college. Not to mention, he was good friends with 3racha and made dope music for Minho’s auditions. So you can say that Minho’s technically allowed to fanboy a little over your nurse. “You best believe that Y/N has been doing the most to comprehend what I was saying since she just appreciates me so much.” 

Jackson cackles loudly, too loudly for the sake of being in a hospital. He’s lucky that they spent a good amount of cold, hard cash to make the walls soundproof. “Just bear with her until freshman year is over. Don’t pick on the sick kid, that’s not very nice.” And now all you want to do is to put both of their heads on a stick because you know that having both Jackson Wang and Lee Minho in the same conversation is equivalent to the definition of ‘oneself against the world’. Because Jackson too, acts like an old bitchy cat and loves to laugh his ass off at your impending misery. 

You grit. “Square the fuck up.” But the scowl on your face soon fades as your nurse reaches his hand outwards underneath the blue fabric that has the whole cart covered and pulls out a brown paper bag. Now, it’s Jackson’s turn to give you a dirty look when you gratefully take the McDonal’s order from his hand like a three-year-old. “You peasants can live for the time being.” 

“You’re lucky that your body needs 3000 calories per day or else Jaebum will fire me for feeding you junk food so often.” He informs you rather sarcastically as he scatters your description medications across the table where you’d chose to put your collection of stuffed animals instead of other necessities like textbooks or plastic binders. “I didn’t sign up for this FYI, ugh, I need money to pay off student’s loan too you know ?”

And that’s another perfect example of one hundred and one reasons why you’re not pumped for college like other kids. First off, what do you mean if someone’s privileged then they get to turn the assignment in later than everyone else ? And secondly, how the fuck can a graduate pay off their loans when they’re struggling like a fish out of water to find a decent job ? Not to mention, college dramas are the absolute worst. Things won’t be as lighthearted as highschool when students are entering bars with fake IDs and do drugs to get their minds off things that are stressing them out, which is almost everything. 

In conclusion, college is just more of a shithole than highschool so you don’t really get the hype about it. 

“You’ll be fine, Wang, stop being so whiny.” You snicker and drop a french fire into your mouth before chewing obnoxiously. “Have fun with your night shift.” You wave him off as he glares at you while pushing the cart outside. The moment Jackson swings the door open again, you can see a figure passing by but this one in particular catches your attention. And surprisingly, it’s a boy because it’s been ages since you have some kind of interest in guys, non-platonically of course. 

Not to be one of those creepy people, but you’d admit it, he’s quite the looker. Defined nose, full lips and cute mono lids, the air tossing his black mullet like how every protagonist makes their entrance into the movie. But he also has oxygen tubes put on just like you, perhaps you’re in the same boat ? Either way, that’s not the point because while pretty boy’s out there looking like a runway model in sweatpants, you’re nothing more than a couch potato because you’ve been doing nothing other than staying in bed all day. 

Good gracious he’s cute. 

“And that is how you can work on simple balance sheets.” Your friend closes in but frowns at your lack of attention. The door finally closes with a soft ‘click’, hurrying you back to reality to find a not-so-happy looking Minho. “Y/N, would you be a sweetheart and tell me that you didn’t miss a single detail during the last five minutes ?” His smile is rather stiff because his facial muscles are struggling hard not to burst as anger slowly bottles up inside of his chest captivity. For fuck’s sake, he hates it when you don’t listen on purpose. 

You cock your head to the side dumbfoundedly. “Wait— everything makes no sense.” 

Minho sighs in desperation. “Oh... what if you were smarter ?” 

two.

“Kkami !” Someone exclaims from behind you. 

You stop in the middle of your track and take out a side of your earbuds. The footsteps are getting louder and louder by the second along with the male voice. “Excuse me- pardon- Kkami I swear to God !” You decide to take a full ten seconds to comprehend what’s happening before turning around. The next thing you know is your head comes in contact with something hard, causing you to stagger backwards and land on your bottom. 

“Ugh, my head.” You wince at the aching feeling on your back as your pupils slowly dilate and adjust your vision on the current surroundings. The moment you lay your eyes on the figure in front of you, your mouth automatically lets out a silent scream. A cute boy just bumped into you, but then again, you wouldn’t overreact if he’s just any other cute boy. But he’s that cute boy who managed to distract you from Minho, who got your attention even when you just stared at him through a barely opened door. 

The boy widens his eyes when he sees what he’s caused. “Oh shit, I’m so sorry.” He apologizes with a smile, offering you a hand to pull you up right. “Are you okay ?”

You take his hand, almost flinching when his touch sends electricity throughout your body. His hands are much bigger than yours and are fully capable of enveloping your smaller ones with ease. You like that about him because you’ve never truly experienced what it feels like to hold someone’s hand in a non-platonic way. “Uhm, yeah, I’m okay but are you though ? You sounded like you’re going through a crisis looking for someone.” 

He smiles at you, eyes forming little crescent moon shape. “My mom brought my dog here and he accidentally ran off.” His laugh is melodic, sounding just like Mozart to your ears and you can’t help but crack a smile too. “It was nice meeting you, and I really have to go find him before he got to the NICUs or something… but I think we should get to know each other more. What do you say ?” He chides with a slight smirk tugging at the corner of his lips. 

You yank his hand away harshly. “I thought you’re better than that.” It’s ridiculous how boys with A+ look can just slide into your lives and stay for as long as they want then just disappear as if they’ve never been there in the first place. You’d hate to see a version of yourself who spends all day crying in bed because some bastard doesn’t love her back so this pretty boy over here better go before you throw him off a cliff. 

“Don’t ever talk to me again.” And with that, you walk away without turning your head, not even once. Well, so much for a Tuesday afternoon. Tuesdays are supposed to be easy-going for you since you just have to get yourself through several assignments and essays but someone just had to pop up in your life and ruin everything. 

The scowl on your face drops when you push the glass door of the pediatric unit open. Immediately, the kids see you and quickly abandon their nurses to run towards your direction. Your dad just got back from a business trip in Sydney and he still thinks that you’re a nine-year-old so your room is basically filled with candies and other sweet treats. That’d better change today. “Behave well and all of you will have one.” You chuckle at the kids’ eagerness, personally handing one bag over to each and every one of them. 

Five minutes later, the amount of treats are slowly trickling down until there’s only one bag left. In which, you’ve saved it for a specific someone since he’s just that obsessed with Australian candies. Your phone buzzes. How convenient. 

[ 3:45p.m. ]

yongbokie | okay, I’m here, where are you ?

y/n | seventh floor, just go straight down the hallway and it’s on the right side. 

“Here’s your worksheets, now where’s my Tim Tam Slam ?” Felix shoves the stack of papers into your arms as soon as he spots you inside the pediatric unit, surrounded by children, a whole lot of children. He knows your love for kids all too well and the fact that you’re lonely in this hospital is no shocker. Meaning, you’re a part-time kindergarten teacher ( aka whenever you feel like slacking off on school work ). 

You scoff at him, throwing the bag of candies at him with as much aggression. “Changbin’s gonna kick you out sooner or later if you end up looking like a pig, enjoy it while you can.” That’s obviously useless since Seo Changbin is as utterly soft for Lee Felix as you are for kids. Both are annoying little pricks but somehow, your little heart can never get mad. “And you better share that with Chan too or else he’s gonna write an entire diss track about me.” 

“CB97’s new diss track material is apparently Tim Tam Slam, how terrific.” Your friend snickers and tears the bag open single handedly with his teeth while his other hand tapping away on his phone. He doesn’t even need a cup of hot chocolate, that’s how bad Felix is craving his childhood candy. 

“Ooh, earrings ? And jeans too ?” He cocks a brow at your dainty pieces of jewelry. And you never wear jeans in the hospital, never. You think that’s it’s equivalent to asking someone to suffocate you as if the hospital isn’t suffocating enough. “Who are you trying to impress ?” 

Upon his teasing, you let out an audible groan. For once in your life, you’ve made up your mind and actually packed something decent because hospital romance is a thing and you need to be prepared at all times. Not to mention, you might as well snatch yourself a guy who’s totally father material because you hang out at the pediatric unit most of the time. “Haha, very funny. Try and find me someone cute then.” 

Just then, very slowly, a familiar figure takes long strides towards your direction. “Anyone, but him.” You deadpan.

“Him ?” Felix says over a mouthful of chocolate as he turns his head to the front door. 

And holy shit. 

To your dismay - with a bag over his shoulder, face flushed from running with beads of sweat rolling down his cheeks that make him glow like Edward Cullen and his wet fringe covering his eyes slightly — is the pretty boy from yesterday, well, more like five minutes ago. They say everything’s uglier close-up but not him. He’s absolutely breathtaking, undeniably brilliant as if he had just stepped out from an anime. But you’re not falling for that perfect smile again, at least for the time being. 

“Oh hell no.” Felix quickly identifies the boy and hangs his jaw open, the plastic wrapper falling out from his hand. You look at your friend in disbelief, your expression mirroring his - completely lost for words. 

The boy waves his hand at him and smiles widely. “Yongbok !” And just like that, your brain starts to process the new amount of overwhelming information. Slowly, and steadily, all the dots are connected. That guy is definitely heading towards your direction. No one knows Felix’s Korean name unless they’re close friends or family members. Jesus motherfucking Christ-

Felix demands loudly. “Hyunjin, do not move !” 

The pretty boy - whose name is apparently Hyunjin - stops abruptly at his friend’s sudden outburst. He turns his head only to accidentally make eye contact with you. Cocking a brow, he averts his attention back to Felix. You too, tug on your friend’s sleeve before questioning him. 

“You know him ?” “You know her ?” 

Felix widens his eyes in terror and quickly pushes Hyunjin away. “You people are insane ! Six feet away at all times, it’s a fucking simple protocol !” 

“Huh- wait what ?” You stutter. Soon enough, all of the colors on Hyunjin’s face are completely drained and a worrisome feeling suddenly runs down your spine. 

You exchange a weird look with him. “Don’t tell me that you’re a...“

“Are you also a… “ 

Felix face palms himself. “You fucking guessed it.” 

three.

The next few weeks get a little bit mayhem since you’re wrapping up the semester while being hospitalized at the same time. Meaning, you’re struggling real hard to balance the whole feud with finals and all of the medical stuff along with really boring paperwork because your body decided to fail you once again. 

No one was really able to give you company since they have to deal with their own problems too. Your parents are busy with their draining business trips while your brother - Woojin is getting his bachelor degree soon. And Minho is graduating in less than a month. Moreover, you haven’t met the pretty boy since your first and only encounter. 

Speaking of the Devil, “Fancy seeing you here.” 

You peel your eyes away from your laptop and see Hyunjin. In which, almost makes you fall right off the stool that you’ve been occupying for the last hour. You’re still procrastinating like highschool but you’re actually determined to finish your essay because if not, you won’t be able to walk away from your problems again. 

“Six feet away at all times, not six feet under the ground. So knock it off.” You deadpan, ushering him further away with a wave of your hand. If you were being completely honest, Hyunjin just took the breath right out of your lungs at the slightest glance. Time really does make people blind because you almost forgot that although he did try to flirt with you that one time, he’s also drop dead gorgeous. And that makes your heart tingles, which isn’t necessarily a bad thing. 

Hyunjin makes a ‘I’mma-need-you-to-relax’ face and takes a seat on the opposite side of the table. “You still radiate big passive aggressive energy, not so good of a first impression.” 

You laugh dryly. “Speak for yourself. Talk about some shitty flirting skills.” 

“In my defense,” He raises a brow and throws you a look, one that makes you feel personally attacked. “I was genuinely trying to make friends, you sure know how lonely it is to be hospitalized all the time, don’t you ?”

You sneer at him. “Well, you picked the wrong person.” 

“How am I supposed to know that you’re also a CF-er ?! You weren’t wearing your oxygen tubes.” 

Apparently, you think that life hates you more than most of the world’s population because you weren’t just born with cystic fibrosis, you were born into it. The genetic disease gifts you with constant lung infections and gives you a hard time to breath in order to function like a normal human being. More accurately, the protein inside your body becomes dysfunctional so it loses the ability to move chloride to the cell surface. Meaning, the mucus in various organs can attract more bacteria along with germs, causing infections and inflammation. 

So naturally, minimizing contact with any kind of germs and other CF-er are your top priorities unless you want to catch their bacteria and choke to death on it instead. With that being said, you’ve just come to a realization that Hyunjin touched you the other day, skin to skin without any kind of protection like gloves. Some CF-ers have caught each other’s bacteria before by touching a doorknob, and that story scared you shitless. 

You speak up, finally. “Uhm… so.. were you okay ?” 

“If you’re asking if I got cross-infection or not, then no, I’m totally fine. None of that B. cepacia shit.” Hyunjin answers while avoiding your eyes. He quietly reaches inside his backpack and pulls out a blue binder that looks like it’s been used since elementary school because plastic never really goes away. 

You raise a curious brow when he pulls out some pieces of papers that are covered in an awfully dizzy amount of words. “What you got there, pretty boy ?” 

“Now you’re talking, I almost ended up on the ground laughing when you thought that I was nothing but a shallow fuckboy.” Hyunjin is still pissed off because not only did you despise him, you also happens to be Felix’s best friend. Totally irrelevant, but he’s also mad at Felix for not telling him about you sooner. Maybe it’s because he doesn’t want the both of you to accidentally kill each other or anything but still, Hyunjin did hold your hand and nothing happened. 

You prop your head on your hand, lips cracking a smile. “But I’m interested now, no hard feelings. You really need to lighten up drama lama.” You’re just noticing this now, but it seems like he’s really similar to Felix. Point break, he’s an easy victim to pick on anytime, anywhere. Of course you’re going to take advantage of this. 

Hyunjin replies monotonously. “I need to practice my lines for the upcoming play for finals season.” He’s trying so hard not to give in and smile at you because he’s decided to play hard to get. 

“No wonder why you’re a dramatic little dipshit. How fitting.” You grin coyly at the scowl on his face. “Okay, sorry, let me tone that down. What are you guys playing ?” 

Hyunjin groans. “We’re trying to fit an entire season of ‘Once Upon a Time’ into a two-hour play. And my fucking God, Captain Hook has a shit ton of lines.” Although it does appeal as a privilege to other people that drama majors can skip through the whole ‘cramming and crying’ to pass their finals, what people don’t know is the amount of work and effort that needs to be put into a single play. It requires patience, team chemistry, diligence and lots of, lots of caffeine to have a decent performance for the whole school. 

There was this one time he pulled seven all nighters in a row just to finish ‘Peter Pan’ before the holiday hit. And for the following five days, he basically lived on his bed and fed on leftover pizza that his roommate refused to microwave. 

You offer him kindly. “Maybe I can help you practice ?” You really feel like a fucking angel with your own imaginary halo shining ever so brightly on the top of your head. “I got nothing better to do anyway, not planning on being stuck with accounting 24/7 or I’m gonna end up in an insane asylum.”

“Thought you’re already in one.” 

“Say that again and I’ll skin you alive !” 

four.

Hwang Hyunjin is fortunately blessed by whatever gods up there because you finally finished finals way before the D-day of his play. Which means you feel even more obligated to help him practice his lines. 

But in all seriousness, he technically doesn’t need you because all you do is read the other characters’ lines right off the script anyway. Unlike you, even in the hospital cafeteria with a stainless steel fork as the hook on his right hand, Hyunjin plays the character as if he’s the one and only, non-biological heir of Leo DiCaprio. 

You can see why he chose the dramatic arts because he embraces and studies closely every movement, every gesture, every inch of flesh, every drop of emotion that his character has to offer. No wonder why they let him play one of the male protagonists because you can’t imagine anyone other than him play the iconic Captain Hook. And it’s actually nice to not having him spatting some kind of witty comments at you every two minutes. 

You clap your hands together. “Act 4. Scene 1.” 

“I already told you, I’m just a blacksmith !” Hyunjin tries to whimper as quietly as possible to avoid dirty looks from other people. He’s portraying that scene where Hook basically got tied up on a tree so that the others could get him talking. 

Your eyes narrow down into a glare, mentally throwing daggers at his general direction. Meaning if Hook doesn’t spill who he really is, he’s gonna be the monster’s meal in a matter of time. “You won’t talk to us ? Maybe they’ll talk to you and snatch one of your limbs for lunch.”

“You can’t just leave me here like this !” He sudden yelps, startling you in the process. You quickly avert your attention from the script to his eyes, clearly they show nothing but desperation and mischief. As the character should have. 

“Su-Sure you’re not.” You stutter, not knowing how to express the words inside the parentheses. 

Hyunjin guides you patiently. “Say it like you’re gonna set me on fire if I dare to test you. Be aggressive, talk aggressively, act aggressively. Aggressive is your middle name now.” His voice starts to get louder and louder at the end, a thing that he accidentally adapted from Chan. He doesn’t even need megaphones to yell at someone at this point. 

You give him a curt nod before gripping the script tightly once again. If you’re gonna help him, you’ll have to make it seem like you’re not slacking off. 

“Sure you’re not.” You deadpan, cringing at your own attempt to sound intimidating. Acting was never your thing either way. You’ve only been chosen for pity roles like ‘Girl #2’ or ‘Tree #5’ for some plays back in middle school and the beginning of highschool. 

He smirks. “Good for you. You bested me. I can assure you that the number of people who have done that before can only be counted on one hand.”

Another thing, you fucking love Emma Swan because she’s practically your twin. The only thing is that you’re not even half as badass as her. Sometimes you don’t even realize that there’s a script in your hands this whole time. “I’m sorry, was that supposed to be funny ? Who are you ?”

“Kilian Jones.” Hyunjin says with a glint of fierceness flickering in his irises. His intense gaze almost makes you run straight into the restroom and scream for a good five minutes. “But most people have taken to call me by my more colorful moniker, Hook.” The rasp in his voice sends chills to the core of your bones. 

You cock a brow. “As in, Captain Hook ?”

He beams. “Ah, so you’ve heard of me.”

You pant slightly out of nervousness, gripping onto the edge of the wooden stool for fuck’s sake. “Hurry up, they’re getting closer. Unless you want to be dinner, you better start talking.” 

Hyunjin shakes his head gently. “Don’t just read out the line. Don’t become the character. Make the character yours. Make it seems like her lines are personally tailored to every single detail of your existence.” He’s mentoring you as if you’re the one who plays Emma Swan and not that one pretty girl from his class. You swear, you’re not a stalker, he literally just spilled everything about his life after very few conversations with you. 

You nod. “Hurry up, they’re getting closer. Unless you want to be dinner, you better start talking.” This time, you finally got a good grip on the character’s emotions, slowly falling into a haze. 

“Cora told me to gain your trust so that I can learn everything there is to know about your storybook.” Hyunjin singsongs, lips curling upwards. You really want to deck him in the face right now. That’s how good of an actor he is. “She didn’t want any surprises when she got over there.”

You pretend to be in disbelief, jaw dropping in the process. “She can’t go there. We already destroyed the wardrobe.” 

He chuckles this time. God you wish you can wipe that stupid smirk off his face, although everything’s just an act. “Ah, my enchantment remained. Cora gathered the ashes and she’s gonna use them to open a new portal.” He looks at you, wiggling his brows to show off his skills before continues. “Now, if you’d just kindly cut me loose—“

“Let’s go.” You say monotonously to your non-existent cast, waving your free hand as a signal for them to walk away. 

“Wait !” Hyunjin slams his fist on the table loudly. It seems like he’s getting immersed in the character again because he can’t be bothered to give two shits about the fact that everyone’s having their eyes on him. More accurately, on the two of you. “You need me alive !”

You also try to ignore all of the weird looks. “Why ?”

“Because we both want the same thing. To get back to your land.” When you meet Hyunjin’s eyes, you nod at him to continue with the script. “I initially arranged for transport with Cora, but seeing just how resourceful you are, I’ll offer you the same deal. I’ll help you as long as you promise to take me along.”

You clear your throat. “How are you going to help us ?”

Hyunjin proceeds to elaborate, slowly. “The ashes will open a portal but to get to your land, she’ll need more. There’s an enchanted compass, Cora seeks it. I’ll help you obtain it before she does.”

“So Cora won’t make it to Storybrooke and we’ll be one step closer to being home. Sounds too good to be true.” You mock him, the corners of your mouth twitching slightly. 

“Well, there’s only one way to find out.”

“I’ll need you to tell me one thing then.” You point the tip of your sword (knife) directly at his throat (a good three inches away) as an attempt to threaten him. “What does the infamous Captain Hook want in Storybrooke ?”

“To exact revenge on the man who took my hand. Rumplestiltskin.” Hyunjin finishes his line and claps, breaking out of character. He looks disturbed at the particular way that you’re pointing the knife at him. “And… cut ! Put the knife down, Y/N. You’re a sadist, not a murderer.” He pushes the piece of cutlery away as if it’s a ticking bomb. 

This time, it’s your turn to wiggle your brows at him. “You don’t know me. What if I’m an actual murderer who preys on the innocent at night, when everyone’s fast asleep in their cozy beds, when they’re the most vulnerable ? What if I’ve been living a double life this entire time and you’re my next target ?” Actually, scratch that. Hyunjin thinks you’re pretty fitting for the role of Regina aka the Evil Queen. 

“Admit it you moron, you’re a sucker for my acting.” He flips his imaginary long hair and you make a gagging noise. It seems like Hyunjin has adapted the habit of holding grudges from Felix because the shy pretty boy that you met a few weeks ago is nowhere to be seen. Like he has grown accustomed to you, he treats you like an old friend, just catching up on things with each other. But in reality, his confidence level just went from a 100 to Han Jisung because you’ve been feeding his ego way too much. 

“There’s room for improvement.” You shrug, trying to keep a straight face. Emphasis on the ‘trying’ part. “Bet you’d do better if that pretty girl was here.”

Hyunjin blows a few strands of loose hair out of his face. He looks really good with disheveled hair, and it’s tickling something at very bottom pit of your stomach. “Kinda wish you could play Emma. You two are literally the same person. She’s just slightly cooler because at least she doesn’t sleep with opened windows.” 

“Is this a fucking call out ?” You hold back the urge to slap him with your slippers. “My room’s on the third floor for fuck’s sake.”

“Rapists can climb.” He smiles cheekily and it makes you ponder about how many more questionable behaviors of his you'd have to deal with for the long future. “You’re definitely going, don’t leave me hanging okay ?” Hyunjin declares and slaps a ticket on the wooden surface, sliding it across the dining table. 

You blink countless times at the ticket, hesitating to grab it with your bare hands. “Take it, I’m wearing gloves anyway.” He reassures you, skimming through some of the scenes that he feels like he could do better. Hyunjin might not look like it but he’s really hard on himself. He takes every single scene, every single line seriously and you admire that about him. He even complained to you how he could have done better for the role of Diaval for ‘Maleficent’ from last month’s play. 

“So the play’s on March 20th ?” You play dumb and pretend to question him after reading the bold letters written in gold. 

Hyunjin peels his eyes away from the script and smiles, eyes forming little crescent moon shape. “Yeah, the day that I’m turning 21, kinda terrifying but since it’s adulthood, I’ll have to bear with it for the rest of my life. At least I have the right to make decisions for myself now.” 

You ask him timidly as your hand fiddle with the sleeves of your hoodie. “Uhm so, do you wanna, I don’t know, get coffee after that or something ?” 

He gives you a dirty look, hard. Clearly Hyunjin’s annoyed. “Look who wants coffee now.” 

“That’s not a ‘no’ that I heard.” 

“You’d better pay up then, I haven’t got paid yet.” 

five.

[ 8:23p.m. ]

y/n | meet me on the terrace.

“Oh my god oh my god oh my god.” Hyunjin mutters as he rushes to the dressing room, and even more loops of ‘oh my god’ run through his mind, faster than a lighting bolt. He totally forgot about you until you made eye contact with him when the cast members took a full ninety degrees bow to the audience. You were clapping, cheering on for him like an old friend. But you were smiling, so brightly that he thought you could have lit up the entire stadium on your own. 

Chan finally finishes bowing to the rest of the cast and the crew. He feels like he can only breathe properly once the play came out smoothly. Unfortunately, it didn’t. Minho slipped over his long coat during the second scene, Seungmin was struggling with the lighting and Jisung nearly threw himself over the balcony. Besides that, everything went pretty okay. Little errors are unavoidable so he’ll let everything slide, because the play that he spent months planning out, training the cast so eagerly didn’t come out as a flop. 

“Woah, mate, where are you going in such a hurry ?” He quirks a brow when Hyunjin swings the door open, hair disheveled with ‘panic’ written in bold capital letters across his forehead. 

Changbin supplies unhelpfully as he steps out from behind the black curtain. Little strips of confetti are sticking onto his sweaty hair, thanks to Jisoo who kinda went overboard with the can of hairspray. “He invited a friend to come in and watch the play, can’t leave her hanging now, can he ?” He wiggles his brows in the most obnoxious way possible, being the little pest that he is. 

“I didn’t even say that my friend’s a girl— she’s not even my friend— wait, she is but we’re not that close— what, fuck you.” Hyunjin gives up after four attempts of forming an actual sentence. As if he’s forgotten how to speak, his voice fails him once again when a witty retort lingers at the tip of his tongue. He gives in and goes behind the curtain, quickly changing out of his costume. Like okay, pirates are cool and all but their sense of fashion is pretty questionable because leather boots and salt water ? Not compatible. 

Changbin peels the confetti off his hair before singsonging. “Our Hyunjinnie got himself a date, he’s all grown up now.” 

Chan throws his head back and laughs wholeheartedly. This is why he’s not planning on falling for someone soon because having a chaotic, annoying group of friends can only make things so much more difficult. “Give him a break, Bin. A boy can love whoever his heart yearns for.” Then he pauses, and continues. “Do you want to tell us something about her ?” 

Hyunjin scrunches his nose and starts singing. “Sing a yo ho, you can beg, plead and whine. But yo ho you are wasting your time.” The moment he finishes the line, he’s already changed into his normal clothing and pushed the curtain open. 

Chan and Changbin looks unimpressed. They both think that their friend should really stop quoting his own lines. Hyunjin throws Changbin the hook, then checks his own reflection in the mirror. Not too shabby, at least he didn’t forget to shave this morning. But it’s just you after all, you’d never judge him… wait no you’re highly judgmental. You once called him out for having a piece of carrot in the corner of his lips, shameless. 

“Hear me out one last time, mates. Then I’ve got a date with destiny.” Hyunjin continues to sing because he’s absolutely enjoying every moment of Changbin suffering and mentally dying on the floor. He wouldn’t even feel bad if his ears started bleeding or something, hanging out with weird people have turned him into a sadist, just like them. Tragic. 

Before Chan decides to wrestle him to the floor, Hyunjin starts moonwalking towards the door as he jumps straight to the last bits of the song. “Sing a yo ho, I’ll meet her tonight. Yo ho must be fate’s design. At last our hearts can be intertwined, can’t wait, can’t wait, can’t wait. God is on my side.” He’s just making up lyrics at this point nothing makes sense anymore. 

The door shuts with a small ‘click’, making him snap his mouth closed. Then I’ve got a date with destiny. Right, a date. Well, it’s technically not a date when you asked him to meet up on the terrace where there’s so much to offer. A brilliant view of the city, the ethereal moonlight which sets the atmosphere, just you and him standing face to face.. holy shit it’s a date ? 

“You’re late.” 

Hyunjin whines loudly at your cold statement and supports himself on his knees, chest heaving up and down at an abnormal space. Cystic fibrosis and ten flights of stairs are like water and oil, they don’t blend. “I was changing, do you know how hard it is to slip out of those leather combat boots ?” Upon your silence, he leans himself against the metal railings and sighs, standing a good six feet away from you. “Hey, at least I looked fly in them.” 

You automatically groan because fuck yes, he did look hot. Pirates aren’t supposed to be hot, they’re supposed to be smelly barbarians with shitty attitude. “Since when are you so cocky ?” 

Hyunjin tuts. “I’m very much aware of how good looking I am, thank you for taking your precious time to care about my tiny existence on this glorious planet.” He cocks his head sideways, narrowing his eyes at your sketchy posture. Both hands are hidden behind your back and you’re trying too hard to keep a straight face. “What are you hiding from me ?”

“Nothing.” You let out a small giggle. Clearly he’s not buying it. “Fine, close your eyes.” 

Hyunjin frowns at you but still closes his eyes nonetheless. He has enough faith in you that you won’t have the heart to knock him out cold before selling him off to some kind of mafia organization. “Y/N if you’re planning on kidnapping me, you might as well just do it—“ The words grow dead on his tongue once a small ‘pop’ occurs. What the fuck ? 

“Hey Hyunjin.” 

He flutters his eyes open at the sound of his name rolling off your tongue. His hand immediately fly to his mouth to stop himself from screaming. “Oh my god, shut the fuck up !” He utters, shocked at what’s happening in front of his eyes. “You’re kidding, you’re kidding, you’ve got to be kidding me.” 

You laugh loudly at how frantic he is once you get down on one knee with a black velvet box in your hand. A silver band with his name engraved on the inside. “Hwang Hyunjin, can you fathom enough courage to walk with me through your youth even though sometimes you wish you could throw me off a cliff ? Can you bear the burden of indulging an impulsive and indecisive person like me in the long run ? Because if you can, then happy 21st birthday, you’re officially stuck with me with the label of being best friends.”

Hyunjin teases, lips curling up into a smile. “Can’t you be a little bit more romantic ?” Although he’s decently attractive, he’s still one of those guys who bury themselves in hopeless romance just because he spends way too much time on Netflix watching some random sappy show while Kkami is watching some stupid dog documentary right next to him on the couch. 

“Fine, I also got myself one. We’re matching.” You confess, showing him your band resting nicely around your index finger. “Since I just know you so well, are you happy with your present now birthday boy ?” 

You finish it off by slipping the ring onto his finger like a cherry on top of a sundae, watching in amusement at how his face is lighting up with joy. “Wow,” He manages the breath out, as light as a feather. “You’re so fucking cheesy, I hate you.” 

You laugh wholeheartedly. “Come on, let’s go downstairs. You have a whole party waiting for you to inhale. Cakes and junk food and all.”

When you stand up right again, shivers run down on your spine at the cold breeze passing by. The wind greets concrete and your skin just the same, tearing through the air and banging loudly against your eardrums. Hyunjin suddenly grabs the sides of your face, still keeping a good distance between you two. Your cheeks are instantly tinted pink at his touch. “Y/N ! Can you hear me ?!” He tries to shout over the wind but fails miserably. 

“What ??” You ask loudly, not being able to catch what he was trying to say. 

“No, you can’t hear me ??”

“What ? I can’t hear you !”

He beams at you and the strangest warm feeling bubbles up inside his stomach. “I have something to tell you !” If he’s doing this now, there’s no going back. 

“I still can’t hear you !”

Hyunjin ignores your confused expression. He slowly inhales to take a deep breath before shouting his heart out at you. “Y/N, I’ll protect you ! No matter what !”  

You can’t quite understand what he’s trying to convey to you but seeing him smiling so widely like this, you know that you could never trade him for anything else. Because no one has ever made you feel this way before, heart pounding inside your rib cage so loudly just by looking at him. You like how you can just see him, and be happy. 

He’s irreplaceable.

six.

Felix glares at the silver band wrapping around your finger, one that’s particularly matching with Hyunjin’s. “So what ? You two are dating now ?” 

“Lee Felix I swear to god, for the tenth time, it’s a just birthday present !” You cry loudly at your best friend overreaction. 

Jeongin butts in. “Yeah right, rings, matching and all. Don’t you think that’s a little bit romantic ?” You’re so fed up with these theatre kids it’s actually ridiculous, you’d rather be cursed than have them singsong into your ears everyday about how you and Hyunjin are acting somewhat sketchy. Sure, being dramatic is naturally what they do for a passion but sometimes you just can’t help it but snap at them to go and kiss a statue. 

“That’s the point of it, dipshit.” Hyunjin sips on his drink obnoxiously, reading through the final page of his reading assignment in a haze. He’s a little bit out of it from running around all day to not get yelled at by his professors for being late to every single damn lecture. “I’m desperate, I need something cute to lighten up my sad life so don’t judge me.”

Jisung suddenly pries loudly because unlike you or Hyunjin, he actually gives zero fuck about publicity and personal information. “Hyunjin and Y/N ? I ship it ! Since you both have been super single and super antisocial for so long, why not date each other ? Get married even, don’t you dare forget my invitation.” 

Needless to say, he quickly earns a smack on the head from Seungmin, hard. Hard enough to knock some logic and common sense into that little disturbing glimpse of thing that they call ‘a brain’ inside his head. “God, Han, you’re so dumb. If you want them to both choke on each other’s bacteria and die, then yeah, hit a five-star restaurant up with that reservation.” 

Sometimes Seungmin wonders why he even befriended Han Jisung in the first place. They nearly threw hands at each other back in highschool because Jisung would constantly forget his stuff inside Seungmin’s locker and Chan had to manually pull them apart later. 

“Actually..” Hyunjin fiddles with the strings of his hoodie. “I think I might have my eyes on someone.” Your heart automatically sinks at his words. Is this what betrayal feels like ? How come he’s never told you before ? Didn’t he promise that he’d never hide anything from you ? Does your friendship mean nothing to him at all ? 

You’d be lying if you said that you haven’t once thought about dating Hyunjin. But you don’t really see the point because it’s just a label over your relationship, it’s not gonna change how you treat each other. At least it’s not gonna change how you treat him. 

But in the end, you want nothing but the best for him so you’re obligated to become his dating counselor. 

Felix tuts eagerly. “Ooh, spill the tea. I’m here for it.”

“Let me guess, it’s that girl from Literature & Criticism 19B ?” Jeongin yawns lazily. Apparently he’s not digging the fact that Hyunjin doesn’t have any non-platonic interest in you. 

Hyunjin shakes his head profusely. “No ! We barely talk, it was only for a presentation from last month. And also I feel kinda awkward around her. Things never click between us.” 

Then, he proceeds to continue with dreamy eyes. “The girl that I’m talking about is so beautiful, so smart, so brave. She enjoys food like no other, like no one is watching and isn’t ashamed of the fact that she can live off donuts and Netflix for three weeks straight. She’s honest, playful but also very gentle and caring. Kinda reminds me of my mom, which is weird but whatever. Maybe people finding a sense of comfort in their partner who’s similar to their parents is a thing.” 

The look in his eyes makes your heart crack a bit. Just a teeny tiny bit. It’s that kind of look that you’ve never seen before but know too well what’s behind those brown eyes of his. The goddamn look one can only have when they’re thinking about that special someone who effortlessly makes their heart swell, who puts a smile on their face no matter what. It’s also that kind of look that you have whenever you’re thinking about Hyunjin. 

“Alright lover boy,” You crack a smile, rolling up your sleeves because things are about to go down. “You’ve just got yourself a dating counselor. A good old trusty friend who’s gonna be there if you accidentally have a mini mental breakdown on your first date.” 

“What do you know about dating ?” Felix’s more than stingy comment just stabs your sky high ego like a needle pricking the tip of a finger. 

You kick his knee from under the table, earning a low grunt in return. “I am the best in the business. Jackson Wang and Mark Tuan ? I did that.” 

Then you lace your fingers together neatly and look at Hyunjin dead in the eye. “So, what’s your ideal first date ?” 

He makes a thinking face. “I haven’t thought about that yet but maybe.. a hike ?” 

“Huh, cool.” You take a total of ten full seconds to process what he just said. 

You deadpan. “It’s a hard no. Consider the fact that she needs nothing but donuts and Netflix in her life, you’re gonna have to rage war with Satan in order to get her out of the house. Popcorn and blankets are total necessities, make them extra fuzzy too. Let’s stick a pin in that, we’ll get back to it later.” 

Felix asks, followed by a loud yawn. “Copy that, what shows is she into ?”

Hyunjin lets out a prolonged sigh. “I’m not so sure but she hates rom-coms and sappy dramas with a passion.” If you’re being completely honest, he really needs to calm down because if a girl is willing to cuddle with him, she’ll literally watch anything. And by that, you mean she will definitely pass out after the long winded introduction of the two protagonists. 

“Sounds like a gal who’d watch The Umbrella Academy.” And you totally didn’t say that just because it’s your favorite show. Because for once, Netflix actually didn’t produce something that was undeniably shitty. 

Hyunjin sounds uncertain. “I have never seen it before.” 

“But he can ?” Jeongin raises a brow.

You shake your head gently. “The show is vicious, violent and contains extremely disturbing content along with really shitty relationships between siblings. Also, the humor doesn’t suit you. Does a fifty-year-old man who’s stuck inside a thirteen-year-old boy’s body and is also someone who fell in love with a mannequin, grew up in a broken family, and became a murderer who timetravels sound enjoyable or what ?” 

Seungmin makes a face. “That can be a dealbreaker.” 

“Meet us halfway here !” Jisung clatters loudly. 

“Sorry, let me back it up a little bit.” You put your hands up in defense. “Hyunjin, it doesn’t matter if all you want to do is go out on a hike and she just wants to curl up into a ball inside her blanket. It doesn’t matter if you guys have different taste in movies. Nothing matters if she truly feels the same way for you because as long as the feeling is mutual, she’d definitely do anything to satisfy your picky ass.” 

Hyunjin doesn’t say anything. He turns his head to face the window and a grin quietly curls its way up on his lips. 

You should have seen the look on your face. 

seven.

Woojin growls at you from your laptop screen. “It’s one in the morning ! Get the fuck back to sleep !” 

He’s extra cranky today because he just finished off his final paper before graduation happens. Running on one hour of sleep per day with a cup of espresso doesn’t sound like the most ideal thing to do but fuck that, he’s not gonna throw all those years of crying over overdue projects in the trash. 

You on the other hand, are so fucking close to soil your pants because your heart is literally dangling off the edge. It’s either gonna roll backwards and land safely as if nothing has ever happened or everything’s going downhill from there. An endless pit of impending misery. And you’d hate to see yourself shedding tears while hogging a bucket of ice cream in your bed like a psychopath. So your only option is unfortunately, your hard headed, dumbass brother. 

But he’s not a complete idiot because his brotherly sixth sense is still there, and it’s never been better. “Okay, something’s up. Spill before I personally drag my ass to the hospital and beat you up to get something out of you.” 

You stutter, tripping over your own words like an absolute fool. “It’s— uhm… whatever, it’s not a secret anymore. It’s— it’s—“

“It’s Hwang Hyunjin.” Your brother reads your mind like a magician, leaving you utterly speechless. But it’s not even a surprise because apparently, everyone knows about your feelings for Hyunjin, just not Hyunjin himself. He’s unbelievably dumb even when Minho and Jisung keep on hinting at him in a not very subtle way. And that makes you wonder why you even fell for him in the first place. Even that fat cat who always takes naps on your balcony knows because you’d be smiling stupidly while FaceTime-ing Hyunjin all the time. It’s a miracle that the cat has not once given you a dirty look. 

You sigh. “Yeah, I‘m confused.”

“About what ?” Woojin huffs tiredly and blows some strands of hair out of his face. 

You blurt, panic mode is fully on. “About why I like Hwang Hyunjin so fucking much when he already had romantic interests in another girl !” 

Woojin thinks you’re being ridiculous and stubborn at the same time, which can make things that much harder for him to break it down for you. Firstly, if one is loved, then one is loved. There’s no reason needed for loving. This might sound like total bullshit, but ‘love at first sight’ is a thing, people are just too heartbroken to accept it these days. Secondly, if you really like Hyunjin all that much, you should be spilling your heart out at him, not at your brother. But whatever, Woojin is one step closer to pushing you towards confessing to your crush because he’s gifted with the ability to prevent you from doing anything dumb. 

“Then what makes you not wanting to like him ?” 

You widen your eyes. “What ?”

Woojin shakes his head gently, an exasperated sigh escapes his lips. “You can’t love all of him. This is real life, not a fucking John Legend’s song. If you don’t even know what you hate about him in the first place, you’re not gonna know why you like him relentlessly.” His words slowly sink into your mind, trains after trains of thoughts are dashing through your mind at the speed of light. Goddamn, your brother is right. 

“Gosh, I don’t know. I can’t hate him even when I want to.” Before you can pick every single strand of hair off your head, Woojin once again snaps you back into reality with a serious look on his face. He’s not messing around this time. “One, he’s a CF-er. And two, I’m not gonna be the one who walks down the aisle to have them announce our marriage. Three, he only sees me as a friend.” There’s no happy ending for people like you, especially you. The moment you found out that Hyunjin’s also a CF-er, you knew all too well that it’s over for you both. 

Your brother scrunches his nose in annoyance. He really should have signed you up for a dating counseling session. “You don’t know what the future holds. It could be better, it could be worse. Or nothing would change at all. Whatever happens, humans still yearn for the happy ending of their own imagination. Because after all, we were the one who pushed ourselves towards dead ends.” 

“What’s so wrong with loving someone ?” 

“There’s nothing wrong with loving someone, but how we love them.” 

Again, Woojin’s right. Every minute, every second, every moment with Hyunjin always leaves you completely stripped and vulnerable. All of your concerns, insecurities, and strength are revealed unintentionally. And the walls that you’ve spent years building ? Mercilessly destroyed. Someday, you’ll either look back on it and smile or you’ll realize that once you’ve fallen, there’s no turning back. You just can’t control who you’ll fall for. 

Being in love with Hyunjin is another reason why you believe that life hates you to the very core of your bones. It’s like the whole universe is playing with your mind, because all it takes is to make Hyunjin exists at the same time as you do. That alone is enough to mess up your entire existence. 

You cover your face with your blanket, voice muffled beneath the soft fabric. “What’s your point then ?”

“My point,” Woojin sits straight up from his bed and yawns in the loudest, most obnoxious way possible. “is that you can still fall for Hyunjin even when he’s a CF-er, even when he likes someone else. Hyunjin is still Hyunjin. Cystic fibrosis or none, he’s still just Hyunjin. And you love him for who he is. Don’t ever forget that. And don’t get mad when things don’t work out because loving is hard, loving is painful. You just try your best not to get hurt. Every scar has a story and it represents how you’ve grown throughout time. So it doesn’t matter if you accidentally trip and make a fool of yourself. You simply like Hwang Hyunjin, and I’m not going against that.”

You unknowingly smile. The perks of having an older brother always come at the most unexpected time. You suddenly feel bad for all of those kids who grew up without siblings. 

“So are you telling me not to be all sad and miserable ?”

Woojin nods absentmindedly. “Precisely. One day you might be strong enough to smile as you watch him intertwining his fingers with another woman’s. Give them your blessings, countless words will never be enough. What they want is your genuine honesty, how you’re truly happy for them. After that, take a different turn, or just move on as it is in silence. But do not let the memories that you made with him become meaningless because trust me, that hits harder. And that’s how you can love someone without being petty about it for the rest of your life.” 

You say. “I think I can hold back my tears when Hyunjin’s getting married now.”

“But he needs to know first.” Woojin interrupts you abruptly. 

You break out of your trance and ask. “Knows what ?”

“About your stupid feelings for him !” Woojin is quick enough to hold back the scream stuck inside his throat because if not, Chan’s gonna grill his ass so hard for making questionable noises in the middle of the night while his roommate is stressing over a song that’s yet to be complete. The double life between a college student and a SoundCloud rapper isn’t as hot as people tend to think. It just consists of a whole lot of cramming homework while trying to come up with a new batch of lyrics every two weeks. 

“He deserves to know that. The sooner the better.”

Conveniently, your phone buzzes on your night stand. 

[ 1:17a.m. ] 

hyunjin | I’m gonna do it. 

hyunjin | I’ll confess to her.

hyunjin | this is so terrifying what do I do ?

eight.

“Y/N wait up, you still have to take your medication !” Mark yells after your panicked figure dashing through the hallway while he’s pushing a cart with an awful amount of medicines piled up. 

You shout back at him abruptly. “I’ll be back in an hour ! Don’t tell Jackson about this !” Whatever, you hate being on a drug trials anyway. Having multiple pills shoved down your throat each and everyday makes you sick to the core. It seems like you’re only getting closer to being buried six feet under the ground. But that’s not the point. 

Point is, if you’re going to die sooner or later, there’s no way in hell you’d let your life end before you tell Hyunjin how you truly feel about him. 

“Hyunjin, where exactly are you going ?” You manage to talk in between short breaths while having him on the other line. 

He replies bluntly, uneven breathing and quick footsteps can be heard. “You know how everyone has their own youth, right ?” You keep running despite the fact that what he said just makes no sense. What on Earth is he planning on doing ? 

“I also have a youth of my own.” He pauses for a while. “But it seems like… my youth is one to be forever reserved.”

You shake your head furiously, confused at what he’s trying to convey. “Hyunjin, I don’t get it. One moment you’re talking about how you’ll confess to the love of your life and now you’re telling me this ? Did something happen ?” 

Hyunjin ignores your question and continues. “My parents would always urge each other to work harder, to make more money so that I can have a lung transplant and prolong my life day after day. But it’ll cost us five hundred thousand dollars, eight hundred even. So I was more than happy to tell them that I’m ready to stop walking on this beautiful flower path anytime. Then, I saw the heartbroken look in my mom’s eyes. That look, it’s— it’s haunting, and hurt me profoundingly.”

His breath hitches, making your heart drop to the pit of your stomach. Knowing that he’s in such a vulnerable state but there’s nothing you can do about it hits so hard that you hate yourself. “There was a man who came up and met me in my hospital room one day, told me that he saw every single play that I’ve participated in. He wanted to sponsor me, to let me fully enjoy my own youth, to give me the money to fly to the States, to get a lung transplant, and lead me to stardom afterwards.”

“But..” He suddenly chuckles. “I have no desire to receive his generosity. Not even one bit. Now, before you start yelling at me, hear me out. I know that I’m selfish, I know that I’m being stubborn but the life that he’s talking about. That’s not the life that I’ve always dreamt of. The life that I wanted, is one where all of my family and friends, are eternally safe, and happy. That’s it, it’s as simple as that. Hence, I’m willing to give that chance to someone else. Someone who’s very special and close to my heart.” 

Hyunjin lets out a muffled sob on the other line and you’ve never felt so helpless before. You just wish you could run to him, tell him that everything’s gonna be okay, and touch him. You don’t know how someone who’s so close can be so far away at the same time. 

“Because.. well, because cystic fibrosis isn’t just leading me on a path that’s one step closer to death, but it’s also threatening the happiness of the girl I’ve unfortunately fallen for. Unfortunately, that is. She’s always been the biggest ‘what if’ because there were nights where insomnia would creep up on my spine, it was impossible to shut my eyes with her on my conscience. Because why me ? Why me ? I just need a little bit more time, just a little so that I can see her smile, so that I can hold her close, so that I can finally tell her how I really feel.” 

“Time is a currency that you can only use, not make. And I’m already running low. Obviously, I can care less even if I die tomorrow. But as long as I’m alive, let me live as merrily as possible, as happily as possible, and to be able to see my loved ones as long as possible.”

Just then, it feels like the whole world just stops spinning when all you can hear is the sound of your shoes tapping against the ground, and him sobbing like a distressed child, raw deep down from the inside. You didn’t realize that you’re crying uncontrollably until salty drops of tears trickle down on your cheeks and drench the collar of your shirt. They blur your vision but you keep on running because Hyunjin needs you, he needs you now. 

The icy grey sky is like a piece of fabric draped over the whole town. Dark clouds snuggle closer to each other as they hold in the heavy rain in their delicate forms. All of a sudden, rain pours over you with a roar, thunders grumble vigorously in the distance. The coldness of its touch pierces right through your skin and chills run down your spine beneath your clothes that are now soaking wet. Your footsteps never once falter and continue to move on down the slippery path. 

“To love you as long as possible.” Hyunjin breathes out, as light as a feather. “Y/N, I hate to break it to you but I no longer want to be friends with you. Because I already love you too much to accept the label of being best friends.” He says with such determination and huffs. “With that being said, I’ll now consider the ring on my finger as a proposal. And to answer your question on my birthday, yes, I would love to walk with you on this path with the remaining time. I want to be with you for the rest of my life, to care for you, to be someone that you can lean on. So what do you say ? Are you ready to take my hand and my hand only ?”

“Yes, I am.” You stop once you’re right in front of the café that Jisung used to work in, where many unforgettable memories were made throughout time. And on the opposite side of the road, is Hyunjin. Your knees grow weak at the sight of him. Damp hair, teary eyes with a smile on his face. He’s absolutely ethereal and it’ll only take you a few more steps to get to him. “Hyunjin !” You wave at him, the balls of your feet automatically send you running towards his direction. 

You feel like you’re hazing because everything’s all too good to be true. How he’s looking at you lovingly, how you’re yearning for his touch, how you’re so close to have him in your arms. Sadly, the sound of rubber tyres hissing against the concrete floor snaps you back to reality. Before you can even process anything, there are two lights ahead blinding your eyes. With a jolt, you realize that those lights belong to a car. 

You didn’t know how it happened but the next thing you know is the feeling of the entire weight of your body is pinning you to the ground. Every single limb, every part, every organ inside your body feels like they are being crumbled like a piece of paper. Pain, there’s so much pain. The metallic taste of blood is soaking through your teeth, leaving you in that weird grey area between being awake and being unconscious. You can feel your flesh being torn open, your bones cracking, your lungs caving in for cramped air in silence. Silence, that scares you more than the blow itself. It feels like an eternity, just lying there, completely paralyzed as you wait for Death to arrive. 

It seems as if the agonizing pain is the only thing that's keeping you alive. 

“Y/N ! Y/N !” Hyunjin calls out to you helplessly as he cups the sides of your cheeks. Seconds later, you can feel his mouth against yours, giving you the amount of air that your lungs has been dying to have. “Y/N, stay with me, stay with me.” He mumbles against your ear before wrapping your arms around his neck to carry you on his back. Hyunjin is chasing time through the night, through the hellish downpour to not waste a single minute, a single second to keep you safe. Because he’s just so sick, so fucking sick of life for taking everything away from him. He’s not gonna lose you, not like this. 

“Hyunjin,” You whisper weakly.

He shakes his head. “Don’t fucking die on me or I’m never gonna be able to forgive you.” 

“Hyunjin, I’m kinda sleepy.” You laugh, tasting the coopery blood inside your mouth. “I’ll just take a nap, just for a while, okay ?” Hyunjin doesn’t say anything, you can’t tell whether he’s just being stubborn or he can’t hear you with the heavy rain down pouring onto him. But that doesn’t matter anymore because you’re far too exhausted to start arguing with him. Naturally, you’re going to allow yourself to black out either way. 

nine.

Weeks later, you’re standing on the rooftop by yourself to run away from the stuffy air of the hospital, those floors and walls that all have an undertone of bleach. They suffocate you, everything does. 

You watch the sunset at horizon, enjoying the majestic sight in front of you as if it’s the last thing you’ll ever witness. Rich hues of red, yellow, orange blend into one another gracefully, dancing in between the pink fluffy puffs of clouds. Your spirit soars into the distance as you inhale deeply, feeling refreshed after a long day. It does feel nice to not have all sorts of machines attached to your body like ropes that are tying you down into a single place and trapping you inside a tiny box. 

Everyday, you’d sneak out of your room to come up here, and meet him again. 

“Y/N,” You close your eyes, smiling at the sound of his voice echoing inside your ears. “By the time that you’re listening to this audio, I would probably, you know, be gone.” 

A single tear silently roll down on your cheek. “But I’ll tell you what. I’m not scared of dying, because having the persistent information that I’m always one step closer to hell than everyone else has accidentally made me numb. I am terribly afraid of one thing though.” Hyunjin clears his throat. “I don’t want to be separated from my friends, my family, and from you. Moreover, I don’t want to see the people whom I love so devotedly suffer just because of me. I know what you’re doing, wipe those tears off your face right now. Chin up, and smile. Or you’ll end up complaining about your face getting puffy again.”  

You laugh at his words, and attempt to wipe your eyes with the sleeve of your shirt. “Once I’m no longer walking on this flower path with you, that means a new chapter is ready to be open. I cannot thank you enough for bumping into me that day. And thank you for agreeing to practice my lines with me. I could have never played Captain Hook if it weren’t for you. And thank you, for the ring, it’s the most precious thing I've ever had on my hand. But I’ve figured… you deserve a new life. I know that five years doesn’t sound like much but maybe in those five years, things might change and there will finally be a cure for cystic fibrosis.”

“You might think, how could you possibly move on without me ? Well, think of me as a dandelion. Oddly charming, with a short life span. But I’ll never really go away because at the end of its life, a dandelion’s pistil will give birth to countless of seeds. Those seeds will be carried away by the wind and continue to grow, to breed, to multiply themselves for so many more purposes.” 

Hyunjin suddenly starts crying quietly, you can hear how he’s trying to muffle his sobs and it makes your heart shatter into a million pieces. There’s absolutely nothing that you can do. “I’m very content with the life current that I have, or had. At least I’ll die knowing that I have no regrets.” He chuckles. “But there’s still something that I need to tell you, just in case. Not to be pessimistic, but just in case.”

“Y/N, I love you, more than anything in the whole wide world. It’s so frustrating because there were times where I wish I could just have you in my arms, to feel your warmth, to kiss you, to touch you. I don’t care about labels because that wouldn’t change my feelings for you. I’d still love you foolishly because I care too much. Too much that it hurts. I want to spend the little amount of remaining time with you. I even don’t know if you’re the one but I need you in my life. You and only you.” 

His voice cracks. “...just don’t miss me too much, okay ?” 

You can swear that it’s not hazing but if you look far enough, Hyunjin is still there, waving at you with a smile on his face. 

Approximately six feet away. 

[kpopisthereasonihavenolife]

Kitsune [TEASER]

BTS

Jung Hoseok/Reader [F]

Genre: Demon Hunter AU, Enemies-Lovers, Action, Angst, Rom., Japanese Feudal Era

Warning(s)!: Violence (Semi to Graphic Depictions), Poorly written action scenes Im srry

Words: 1.9k (I’m not being very generous in spoiling anything am I, lol)

Summary:  Demons: man-eating, murderous monsters who would kill anyone for the blood of humans: be it man, woman or child.  They have no need for comrades. Known cannibalize and kill other demons if they so choose. Demon Hunters are tasked with eliminating any and all demons without question, but what would come to pass if they were told that a demon saved a human life? Views, values and relations become altered and absolutely nothing seemed human anymore.  Never sharpen a blade too much, lest you become the wounded.

a/n: if you want to be added to the tag list for when this series finally hits the screens hmu.  If you want any more information regarding Kitsune, head over to the Series Index or ask me directly!  (I’m always happy to answer any Qs especially abt this project!)

Teaser takes place in the middle of the first part: i.demon

It would be a day’s long journey on horseback to ascend the mountain.  When night fell, the two would camp.  Camping inside a nearby cave up the path, the horses and men rested.  Taehyung only freeing himself of a few pieces of armor.  Sitting around the fire of sticks and stones, Hoseok basked in the pulsing crackling warmth.  Hoping his haori would take in said warmth through the night- wanting to weave it into the very fabric of the piece hanging on his shoulders.

Waking at dawn they head further up the mountain.  The closer they got towards the peak, the wider the terrain became.  Hoseok noticed stone statues and white talisman and ribbon taped and tied around and onto tree trunks and limbs.  Enclosing further up sacred ground.

Ideally, demons shouldn’t be allowed passaged on sacred ground- the purity intoxicating to a lethal degree.  With grounds endowed with protective mantras and barriers to keep the wicked out.  Though, if not strong enough or long abandoned by their priest, priestess, monk, God, what have you- the spiritual power would weaken considerably.

Before long, the two breached the crowded forest and stood before the first torii gate leading to the long approach of a shrine.

“According to himself, the man was injured and attacked further in,” Taehyung announced before he jostled his stallion onward through the torii.  Hoseok rarely visited shrines, rejecting most Gods’ people pondered on or prayed too.  He stood without religion, so he wasn’t familiar with shrine setups if he were being honest.

Passing under the second torii he could catch a glance at the main shrine. Throughout the approach and beyond it, the lack of up-keep began to show more and more.  

The sacred fence was frozen with ice and snow, the long approach road of gravel and stone coated with winter.  The front worship hall was beaten and aged with poor conditions.  Hoseok could only imagine the state of the main sanctuary past the inner fence that use to supposedly house a God.  Even the so-called sacred forest littered with previous evergreens was baren with winter stripped limbs.

What God dwelled here before has long since left his shrine to decay into the mountainside.

“Go look around the sanctuary.  I’ll scope around the approach further and check the shrine office. Tie your horse and continue on foot,” Taehyung instructed, lifting himself off his stallion as Hoseok left the back of his mare.  Tying the steeds down to any firm part of the fence they could, the two broke off to search.  

Hoseok grimaced at the overwhelming feeling of demonic tension that hung in the air like a bad fragrance.  It made him on edge as each snow crunched step he took was guarded. A constant, ready hand on the hilt of his single in-use blade.  The kitsune statues that looked over and acted as messengers were broken and eroded: a bad omen if Hoseok ever believed in one.  It was as if a demon could appear from anywhere at any time.

Hoseok walked and inspected as instructed.  Scoping out anywhere for any sign of a righteous demon woman.  He couldn’t even find footprints in the snow to indicate anyone had been here recently besides himself.  Perhaps she’s moved locations by now.

Eventually, Hoseok met back up with Taehyung of whom also turned up empty-handed when it came to any possible clues to locate the demon in question.  Both men decided to stay inside the abandoned shrine for the night, tying the horses down at the main hall to keep them close and under shelter, in case more snow should fall throughout the night.

If nothing that could be of use to their objective could be found soon, they’d leave the mountain.  There would be no use in staying if there is nothing to keep them there.  If they were to go back empty-handed, Taheyung- as the acting superior warrior- would settle any following action that may be hurled at them in a negative manner.  

Through the evening, the tense, thick air never lessened and the silent, uneventful atmosphere remained just that: silent and uneventful. Taking to the inside of the sanctuary as night began to fall, both experienced fighters reeled in their tense shoulders for a sliver of sleep.

Dead of night, Hoseok was forced out of restless sleep.  The demonic intensity plaguing his unconsciousness with nightmare after nightmare.  The sweat beading along his brow and the heat flashing between hot and cold along his skin made any further sleep a high impossibly and hopeless wish. Deciding to forego a time of sitting in an uneasy relaxation, Hoseok moved to leave the sanctuary to walk the perimeter once again just to make time tick by faster- albeit just barely- and hopefully clear his head.

Stepping outside, the snow had deepened to the point when he took a step, it hit nearly half the length of his shin.  Hiking up his legs to take solid steps and drag his feet through the snow, he moved aimlessly.  The shrine looked far more sinister in the nighttime than it did dilapidated in the daylight. The air was stagnant in its chill as the moon overhead became partially covered when clouds of swiped shape spotted over.

Maybe it was just the instinct in the back of his mind due to his everyday task of taking down demons, but he began to believe he should’ve brought his sword out with him. Instead, they both sat inside beside where he once lay in the room with Taehyung.

Stopping his trekking around in the snow, he turned to go back and stay inside the shrine until the chill running in circles on his spine simmered.  He was three steps retreated when something slammed into his back. It wasn’t just an object that an animal may have tossed from the tree top; no.  What hit into his back was alive and when he fell chest first into the deep snow, he felt it remain on top of him.

He felt it sit on his back, it’s feet pushing into the back of his thighs and it’s hand pushing on the center of his back and neck.  He heard growling and hissing from behind him as he pushed his head back to lift his face out of the snow.  Looping his arms behind his back, he grabbed the wrists of whatever was on him and lifted their hands off him just enough for him to gain ground.  

Having mobility of his head- his neck now free- he pushed his forehead into the packed snow and forcefully twisted his hips to toss the thing off his back just enough to knock it off-balance.  Hearing it hit against the snow in a series of snowy crunches, Hoseok quickly lifted himself up out of the snow, now on his knees as he shoved the wrists away from him completely.  

Leaning back to gain more ground, Hoseok hissed at the sight of the demon leering at him.  Shaking his head at the lack of a weapon, he had come to see the small hatchet lodged into the ribcage of the demon.  Hanging there and moving with each jerked breath, along with a fresh leakage of ooze that seemed far too dissimilar to blood.  The color was green and dim- thicker than the average human blood.

The demon itself was far beyond all comprehension.  It was hardly human-like, thin and sickly to the eyes like a walking skeleton.  Arms long and when hanging hitting their knees, it’s fingertips hidden in snow as the demon remain kneeled.  Legs like a spider, thin and spindly, it was shocking it held the bones above it. The face was demented and pulled back, eyes sunken in and mouth wide and more of that like a snake.  

By the looks of the monster, it was already close to death.  All Hoseok had to do was find a way to yank the hatchet from its ribs and lop off its head and it would be all over for it.  He had no doubt it would eventually wither away and die afterward. It was the only chance he had if he wanted to get back inside without leading the demon back to Taehyung’s sleeping body.

Standing off with the demon as it twitched and growled, it’s pulled back skin and lips showing the rotten, carnivorous teeth that were no doubt ready to tear into Hoseok’s neck. There was silence before a pile of snow slipped from a tree limb and landed in a mound on the ground before the demon lept without consciousness leading its way.  

Lunging forward, Hoseok rolled and stepped around in the high snow the best he could manage.  Tucking his knees up in a roll, he spun around the body of the front buried demon who missed in its leaping attack.  

Spinning around its skeletal back, Hoseok lay in the snowbank, his back sinking in it as he pulled his knees to his chest.  Feet flexed and flat, he stomped his heels into the demon’s back; feeling its ribs vibrate and move under the sheer force of his stomping.  

Rolling back up, he took advantage of the momentary distraction of the demon due to Hoseok’s back stomping, he reached from around the long eerie arms of the demon to grasp the handle of the hatchet.  Taking a breath through his teeth, he yanked the hatchet backward and ripped it harshly out of the ribcage of the demon.  

The piercing shriek of the demon’s sudden gash in its chest vibrated the air.  Screaming like a woman turning ghost, Hoseok could only focus on the green blood coated on the cold hatchet blade.  The scream blurring his vision and throwing his balance.  The wooden handle of the hatchet was lightly frosted as his warm skin melted the frost; damping the wood.

The demon whirled, swinging its arms without hazard, angered and disturbed at Hoseok’s infliction upon it.  In those unaimed, meddling whirls of arm swings, Hoseok successfully avoided and even lopped off one of the demon’s arms.  Cutting it off with a swing of his newfound hatched at the elbow, the arm fell into the snow with a dull crunch as it continued twitching despite its removal from its body.  

The demon howled once again. It’s anger and desperation to kill Hoseok spiking.

It was instant when the demon pinned Hoseok’s shoulders into the snow as he somehow found himself on his back again, sinking into the white of winter.  Demon face to face with the hunter as it screamed into his face, making him wince- the cold on his skin the only thing keeping him from losing his consciousness.  

The severed arm leaked large, disgusting blobs of green, sick blood as it bled into the snow beneath Hoseok, tainting it.  It shrieked once more, Hoseok feeling it in his bones before all was silent once again.  The demon vanished.

Gaining his senses and realizing the demon was no longer on top of him, he felt the hatch being ripped from his grasp.  He gasped as he sat up, watching the back of someone else run off ahead.  Rushing towards the body of the demon who was suddenly lying in the snow several feet away.  

Thrashing around like a headless dog, it found its way to its feet as it became ever more feral.  Thrashing and screaming like a mindless husk, the new body nimbly avoiding any and all spastic movements aimed their way.  

Hoseok watched the back of the- what he can only assume was a defender- as they moved cleanly around and through everything.  He wasn’t sure how it happened, but with every single correct movement, restriction of the only attached arm left, and a swing of the hatchet, the demon’s head rolled down it’s back and into the snow.  Facedown in a mouth open scream that would never sound again.

[paladin-andric]

Jotober, Day 2: Mindless

For today, we get a rather interesting tale. Set at the dawn of Geralthin as a kingdom, while dragons still fought for control and Godfrey still reigned, humanity runs into its first case of a feral dragon! Extremely rare to be born, they’re not something mankind has ever seen before, and not something they’ll see very often afterwards...

“You called, Vendric?”

A man in fine clothes, carrying sheets of parchment stepped through a pair of oaken doors, eyes darting over to the man by the other exit.

A bearded man in a suit of armor stood with his arms crossed. “Yeah, about time you showed up. You’re gonna want to see this. Follow me.”

The commander turned and left the room, the finely-dressed man following after him.

“Tell me something Joseph,” Vendric spoke while walking, “How extensive are your dealing with dragons?”

“Very,” the other man answered. His tone was one of noticeable resentment. That drew a laugh from the commander.

“Yeah, I know, I know. I don’t envy your position, but I hear you really like getting to examine em’ when there’s no danger involved.”

“Spare corpses, there’s ALWAYS danger involved,” the researcher said dryly. The other man turned and gave him a big grin.

“Not this time.”

Joseph felt a pit in his stomach at that remark.

“Vendric...what did you do?”

“You’ve seen captive dragons before, haven’t ya?”

The researcher stopped in his tracks, voice loud. “No, nuh-uh! You are NOT telling me I’ve gotta deal with some lunatic in chains!”

“Joseph-”

“No, I’m not doing this again! I nearly died last time!”

“I know you’ve dealt with captives before, you fool!” Vendric shouted, “I wouldn’t have called you here if that was the case!”

The pale man sighed and put a hand on his head. “Then why did you ask that question? It only leads to one conclusion.”

“This is a very special case. I told you it was something you had to see for yourself.”

The researcher frowned. “I’ve dealt with liars too, Vendric. It ISN’T your friend, and it DOESN’T want to meet me.”

“It’s not a liar,” the officer said confidently, “It’s, well...I don’t even know WHAT it is.” The confidence had all but faded in a moment. “I was hoping you could work out what it was.”

Now Joseph was curious. Never before had he heard someone speak of a dragon in such a way. Sure, they were a mystery, but everyone knew what they were; giant, magical beasts of legend that destroyed an empire and nearly annihilated the human race, driven by greed and arrogance...except for Gira, of course. That much was common knowledge.

“...you have my attention.”

“Very good. It’s just this way. And don’t worry, like I said, I know this situation is...unique.”

The pair walked through a winding hall of wood and stone, sparse with decoration. This fortress was a strange place for Vendric to call the magical researcher to, but with the knowledge that something involving dragons was being held here, it was starting to make sense.

Soldiers occasionally passed by the pair, patrolling the area and keeping watch. A few threw them some frown and puzzled looks. Something was going on around here.

At last they reached a heavy stone door at a dead end, guarded by two soldiers. The two men silently pulled the heavy doors open outwards, allowing the pair to enter.

Joseph followed the commander inside, eyeing the two soldiers as they watched him go. With only a line of torches to light the way, the researcher groaned as he caught a gleaming reflection of scales in the distance.

“Vendric, I thought you said-”

“Shh...look.”

As Vendric stepped forward, the darkness gave way to a most unusual sight.

Within a cage of metal bars sat...a dragon. Just what Joseph was hoping wouldn’t be there.

The chief factor throwing him for a loop however, was the way it reacted to him.

The creature was quite small, only a little larger than either of the humans. Likely a child. The beast had red scales and golden eyes that seemed...empty. Not in the literal sense, it could see just fine. It was just that it seemed...glassy. Unfocused. It could see the men, but it didn’t seem to understand who they were.

The dragon growled and bared its teeth menacingly.

“What, no threats?” Joseph asked, “No boasting?”

“That’s just the thing, professor,” Vendric said, striding up to the cage and leaning against it, being sure to knock a fist against it for effect. “This thing doesn’t talk. At all.”

As the cage rattled from the hard knock, the dragon turned and hissed at the commander, jumping forward and biting down onto the iron bars. The beast let out further growls as it feebly bit and nibbled on the iron in an attempt to break it. Mature dragons could do so with little effort, but this child had a lot of growing to do…

“What the hell’s wrong with it?” Joseph asked, “It’s acting like...a dog, or a cat, or something!”

“I was hoping to ask you the same question,” the commander retorted, “Everyone knows these things are smart, a little TOO smart for everyone’s good, I’d say. We found this bugger snooping around in the forest, seemed completely aimless wanderin’ through the trees. It was shocking enough that was caught it, cause we sure as hell knew this wasn’t something anyone had seen before. Called you up right away.”

Joseph crouched down and got a better look at the dragon. The eyes...they were all wrong. Like the wild and erratic gaze of a newt or other lowly lizard. Not something with the intelligence he knew they were supposed to have behind them.

It thrashed against the cage, growling and snarling as it tried to break free but to no avail. It seemed unable to learn that its attempts weren’t working, and never tried anything new.

It was like an alligator with wings.

Vendric gave the other man a puzzled look. “Well?”

“Thing’s… completely mindless!” Joseph concluded. The creature didn’t seem to react to or understand his words at all, either, still scratching and biting the iron bars.

“Right?! That’s what I said! I don’t understand it, not at all. You think this is a new breed or something?” Joseph’s eyes narrowed as he gazed at the wild beast. “Mmm...its physiology is a perfect match. I don’t know, I think...there’s still so much we don’t understand about them. Perhaps if I could run some tests, I might be able to discern...something.”

“Be my guest. I’m eager to find out myself. Now, you’ll be good for Mr. Joseph here, won’t you, ya little runt?!”

A punch to the cage seemed too much for the creature. It roared out in fury and spat out molten flames, barely missing the officer.

“Mother of-”

Vendric tripped and stumbled backwards as he retreated from the ravenous dragon, falling to the ground.

Joseph sprung into action. His hands began to glow as his stance shifted. When the dragon turned to breathe flames his way, it was instead buffeted with a fierce, biting blast of frost. From his hands to the dragon’s face, a ray of pure cold stopped the rampaging thing in its tracks.

What the dragon did next was unexpected.

It reeled and backed away with a sharp yelp, eyes widening in fear. It huddled into the corner furthest from the researcher, whining and cowering as it shook violently.

The reaction made Joseph stop and stare in disbelief. This dragon, a wise and mighty creature of legend...it was acting like a dog that had just been struck by its trainer.

Vendric rose to his feet, dusting off his armor and grumbling angrily. “Stupid, stupid…”

“My God,” Joseph uttered quietly, “It...it IS acting like an animal.”

“Told you,” Vendric returned, “Damn thing...so, what does this mean?”

Joseph inched closer to the cage, which caused the dragon to press itself harder against the corner. The man slowly reached his hand through the bars and toward the dragon it looked frightened, so he spoke with a soft voice, like he did with animals.

“Easy,” he whispered, “Easy. It’s okay.”

The dragon looked at the hand with some apprehension, not moving for the moment.

“It’s okay,” Joseph continued, “Take it easy. You’re safe.”

The dragon paused for a moment before craning its neck forward, and, to everyone’s surprise...it sniffed at him cautiously.

“See? Everything’s okay. Just take it easy, alright?”

He pulled his hand back, and the dragon slowly moved off of the wall and into the center of the cramped cell. It was no longer terrified, but still looked scared and unsure of what to do.

Joseph sighed and shook his head. “Well, commander...it means I have a long week ahead of me, that’s for sure.”

Tag list: @thereisnothingwrongwithbeingmad, @lady-redshield-writes, @paper-shield-and-wooden-sword, @sheralynnramsey, @tawnywrites, @writer-on-time, @oceanwriter, @zwergis-spilledink, @fluffpiggy, @elliewritesfantasy, @homesteadchronicles, @laurenwastestimewriting, @elaynab-writing, @the-ichor-of-ruination, @candy687, @fierywords, @shewrites-sometimes, @nerds-and-nebulae, @purpleshadows1989

[caramelpears]

There’s magic sparking on the edges of his consciousness. His brother is out there, somewhere, using magic---he can feel it crackling in the air, hear the rumble of the cavern, the vibrations in the floor underneath his feet.

Pear was using his gaster blasters. 

Was he under attack?!

Durian doesn’t hesitate to dash out the front door, Megalovania blaring in the background as he headed out of snowdin, crossed the painted bridge, and skipped past his own traps using a bone attack as an elevator. Noise rumbles in the distance, and he turns off the beaten path, into the thick treeline. 

The sight that greets him is...unpleasant.

Pear is there---and his left eye rings with magic, a red cross bleeding from the socket as he stalks along the ground on all fours, blasters breaking down tree after tree. The snow has melted in places, frozen grass scorched black, while the earth turned to mud thanks to the water that had been created.

"𝐌𝐔𝐓𝐓 !"

His brother comes to a halt, Blasters floating in the air around him, sockets hollow while magic faded from broken, serrated jaws. The snow parts easily for him now, thinner than it had been on the walk through the forest thanks to the destruction the older skeleton had wrought on nature. Before long, Durian has reached Pear, who remains stone-stiff in his animal-like crouch.

Carefully, he performs a check.

Papyrus 'Pear' Gaster. HP: 1 |DEF: 40 |ATK: 1 |LV: 21 [*Self-Destructive.*]

It was as he expected. His brother was lost in the madness of his head, ruled by anger and bloodlust. But the fact that he was here, instead of down at one of Napstabots fighting pits said that he’d been sane enough to decide to vent it here, in the middle of nowhere. A decision Durian approved of.

Through it all, Pear remains crouched in half-melted snow, water pooling beneath him, while a growl emanates from his form. The sound only tapers off into silence once a hand grabs onto the top of his head, and Durian shoves him down into the snow, fingers curled slightly into his uninjured socket. The other hand yanks the hood, and finds a hold on the loop of the collar.

"𝐃𝐄-𝐒𝐔𝐌𝐌𝐎𝐍 𝐓𝐇𝐄𝐌."

The tone is commanding, leaving no room for argument as a harsh tug of the collar is given. A low whine leaves Pears mouth, and he tightens his hold on the others head, gloved claws scraping along the inside of the socket.

Slowly, the blasters begin to crumble, and the red cross in Pears damaged left socket fades away. Durian doesn’t let up the pressure on his brother until he begins to see a spark of gold in the right eye, scattered, but present. 

By this point, his brother has sagged heavily under him, bone-lids dropping so low, he might have thought the other skeleton had fallen asleep, if not for the way he released faint, choked noises. The grip on the collar loosens.

“T-Th...ank ye, C-”

"𝐒𝐇𝐔𝐓 𝐔𝐏."

Pear’s wince doesn’t go missed. Neither does the barely audible ‘Sorry Captain’, that dies on the air. Now, he performs a second check.

Papyrus 'Pear' Gaster. HP: 1 |DEF: 1 |ATK: 1 |LV: 21 [*One hit would be enough.*]

Shaking off a shudder, pushing down the dark thought that had sparked in his mind at seeing that dropped defense stat, Durian stands up, and drags Pear along behind him. Were he in possession of the skill that allowed his older sibling to cross great distances in the blink of an eye, he would have done so. Sadly, Durian hadn’t inherited any of their fathers special talents.

So by foot it would have to be. 

Durian didn’t enjoy dragging his brother along by the neck. But when the other skeleton foolishly expended magic, let that other state come into play, he would lose proper function of his limbs for a short period of time afterwards. Fortunately, any monsters that they passed on the way back to their shared home were quick to avert their eyes after a livid glare was fixed in their directions. And the lack of attacks told him no one else had checked his brother, a fact that he was thankful for.

He may be skilled with combat, but juggling his own magic, and dodging the magic of other monsters was a hard task without carrying dead weight.

Once home, the door is locked, and Pear is dropped on the floor. The older skeletons eyes are fully closed now, and magic is dribbling down his jaw, drool evidence of the fact that he’d either fallen asleep, or vomited at some point of the journey home. A short trip to the kitchen is made, and the other stirs to the feeling of a rag being roughly wiped across his face.

“C-”

“QUIET.”

His tone has lost its commanding quality, but he’s not ready to listen to the others apologies or excuses just yet. First, he has to take care of the wreck before him. Because it was his turn to look after the family now.

“YOU’RE A FOOL. 

WASTING YOUR MAGIC? VENTING IN THE FOREST WITHOUT INFORMING ME THAT YOU WERE IN THAT MENTAL STATE AGAIN? DID YOU EVEN TAKE INTO CONSIDERATION THE CONSEQUENCES OF DOING SUCH A THING? SUPPOSE ONE OF THE GUARD STUMBLED ACROSS YOU, AND YOU ATTACKED THEM? SUPPOSE THAT YOU EXHAUSTED YOURSELF, AND ANOTHER MONSTER FOUND YOU?

IN EITHER CASE, YOU WOULD HAVE BEEN FUCKED. A TRAITOR TO THE GUARD IN ONE CASE, AND DUST IN THE OTHER.”

Pear’s eyelight has gone out once more. He’s trembling, and Durian halts his lecture, long enough to toss the rag aside, and grab hold of the collar, dragging his brother up into a sitting position, face-to-face with himself.

“YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO PUT YOURSELF IN SUCH A POSITION. DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME? AS YOUR CAPTAIN, I FORBID IT. AS YOUR MASTER, I FORBID IT. AND AS YOUR YOUNGER BROTHER---”

A sharp inhale. 

“.....YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO DUST. NOT ALLOWED TO FALL DOWN. NOD ONCE IF YOU UNDERSTAND ME, PAPYRUS.”

There’s a long moment, longer than he’d like, where the other doesn’t respond, save for a tremor that ran through his frame, a sickly-sounding rattle of brittle bones. But then, that gold light forms, looking calmer than he’s seen it in a long while. Durians is about to repeat himself, when he stops.

Pear has given one, short nod. But he also wears a tired smile. 

Idiot.

Durian scoffs. This idiot was going to get himself killed someday. But at least it didn’t seem like it wouldn’t be happening anytime soon.

“GET YOUR ASS ON THE COUCH. YOU’RE EXEMPT FROM SENTRY DUTY TOMORROW. AND YOU’RE CONFINED TO THE HOUSE UNTIL I DEEM YOU FIT TO GO OUTSIDE AGAIN.” Which wouldn’t be until the others defense came back up.  Checking now, it was still below ‘10′.

“Yes’sir.”

And Pear...doesn’t move. Of course he doesn’t. Durian rolls his eyelights, before hauling the bone-limp skeleton (ugh, he doesn’t need his brain supplying puns while his brother was too tired to do so), onto the couch, face-down. After kicking his legs up onto it as well, he leaves him there to rest.

[inexchangeforyoursoul]

.... I never put chapter 20 on here, did I. Double chapters it is. (20. Katja & 21. Once upon a dream)

this time with AN included as-is, I’m too lazy to rewrite this shit for the tumbler

(who even reads fanfics on here...? fanfiction.net AO3)

20. Katja

As he arrives in his room, Law takes a quick look at his alarm clock, then a deep, ragged breath immediately after... she's out loafing around again, isn't she. He's a little ticked off, not gonna lie; first of all, because of... this. She just keeps doing this. Which would be less of a problem if she'd show any progress, but she's not. Second, he's tired, terribly so. All sleep he's had today was the unplanned nap in the canteen early morning, and the ounce of patience he's gained from that has ran out. He's just about to leave the indifferent coma period behind where you can just keep going and going, until your emotions start to get hard to control. Even later, you become an actual zombie and eventually black out. In his own body, that would happen in about 24 hours from now, but in this one? Already there.

And the underlying source of it is that he's grown totally paranoid.

That's why he hasn't managed to get any shuteye. Or get anything else done. His own shadow spooked him once, for fuck's sake... and it's all because of that godforsaken alleyway adventure, which really drove home how utterly helpless and vulnerable he is at the moment. Deer in the fucking headlights. He's straight-up disgusted with himself.

He stomps up to the surface; anyone noticing him remains silent and makes sure to keep out. His crew knows this way of walking... and are not eager to provoke his thinly veiled ire.

He just came from the dining hall, she won't be there. On deck of the Polar Tang, nothing except so much light that his tired eyes may as well go blind right now. The dull headache that missed its appointment the other day just arrived uninvited, too... all it took was some natural light and fresh air. Glorious.

He climbs the rope ladder to the Sunny; noone's around the steering wheel, but he can hear, and see some people around; he goes straight up to them.

“Nico-ya,” he calls out from afar; “do you know where the hell she's at?”

“I'm... in heaven,” he hears right next to him as soon as he's finished talking. He stops in his tracks, looks, and sees... quite something, he supposes. It's throwing him for enough a loop to be more dumbfounded than pissed for the time being.

The bottom of the pile is a knocked-out Bepo; leaning onto him are Carrot, who's also out cold, and Kat, who has a very relaxed, leg-swinging Chopper in her lap. They all have a cup in their hand or lying around, just like Nami, Robin and his good-for-nothing crewmates a bit further away.

As he doesn't react fast enough past getting worked up again over them hogging his personal couch and a mouthed 'what the hell,' she speaks up again. “It's nice, warm and fluffy here~ Wanna join?”

… she's taunting him. Kat has no idea, but she's fucking taunting him right fucking now. Any other day or time, he'd gladly lean onto Bepo and have a damn good early afternoon nap, or any other kind of nap, really. But today is not the day. He'd love to, yes; it's the best fucking quality sleep he has access to. Usually. But because Bepo is wide awake from around 6pm to 7am, he can't use him as a pillow at all while rotting in his room, keeping one eye on this girl during the time he actually could be doing that. Just... take a deep, deep breath. Stay calm, man. Stay. Calm.

He sighs, clenching his fists, and now that Kat's actually looked at him, he can already see from her mildly worried expression that she's catching onto his current mood. “... Kat-ya... I swear to god...”

Hearing that changes her reaction with some delay, however... the smallest smile appears on her face which she tries to suppress; she locks her hands and takes a long sniff of air while looking skyward. Soon, she gives up on hiding her glee, and a shit eating grin appears on her face and she just looks very, very pleased with herself. “... I've been waiting for this.”

“... what?!” Law frowns, having no idea what got into her. Was it something he said? It has to be.

She doesn't seem fazed and keeps giggling to herself while lifting a just as confused Chopper from her lap and slowly standing up.

“Oh, oh!! I understand!” speaks up the reindeer snickering soon after as he comes to the solution; “That's your name, it was on the tag at the coffee shop! Katja! Ha ha ha!”

… oh. Oh. Jesus, really? Law lifts his hands to his chin as if praying instead of giving into his initial urge to smack himself on the temples; he knew that it's an abbreviation, but he'd have never thought that the original was that of all things... and she's been fucking waiting for him to accidentally pun on it. And, on top of it all, this might be... no, it certainly is the very first time he called her by name, too. Why him... and why now. … he could cry if it weren't for his pride. So instead he squeezes his eyes shut and is furrowing his brows really, really hard to keep it together.

He can hear her stop in front of him, then, after a few seconds, he feels the most delicate  little tap-tap of four fingers on his shoulder; cracking an eye open, he can see Kat holding out a half empty cup of coffee. Is... she offering this...?

“I suppose you need this more than I do,” she says. It could be just his imagination, but it certainly sounds like her voice is softer than usual. Considering the vague throbs of his head, this is lowkey appreciated.

“Um...” As he's vacillating how to handle this development, a half-conscious Bepo woken by the racket trots over and pulls both of them into a literal, but way gentler bear hug than what other people have been experiencing that day. The content of the cup survives this, somehow, and Kat is holding it out to the side.

“I miss captain,” the mink mumbles, then probably falls back asleep on his feet. At least he doesn't really move for a solid minute afterwards and is just rocking a bit to keep some kind of balance.

Peeking up towards Bepo, a sad smile appears on Kat's face. She reaches over with her free hand along the orange-clad pelt with a sigh and gives Law an awkward hug of her own, then breathes a 'garchu' into his hat. He can't help being startled and shrink a bit in surprise at this; hopefully the others don't notice anything of that past the tic of his shoulders.

“Sorry, didn't mean to stay out for long,” she says then; “I can see you are not up for bullshit today.”

Sometimes... she's as giggly as Carrot. At others, almost as apologetic as Bepo. She also tends to be physical, even if for split seconds... uses people as hunting targets, and now she's picked up mink-brand hospitality both in theory and practice. This girl must have been one of them, or some animal, in a previous life.

He groan-sighs; that spark of patience? These two just managed to raise it from the dead. Somehow. The mood swings devoured his energy to try and push away, though, or to just get worked up again about the affection of a still-kind-of-a-stranger. Now, hold on, my dude... try to not embarrass yourself by falling the fuck asleep in this incredibly comfortable and safe-feeling hug roll right now.

“... let go of me, knuckleheads,” he grunts, nestling around after the short pause he needed to pull himself together. From the corner of his eye, he can see a very pleased Robin. And Penguin and Shachi slurping away at their own coffee in unison at an incredibly slow pace while staring at him specifically. At least that's what Nami does, who's likely sporting the very same expression as the other two, after all.

They all look so infuriatingly smug.

“So, what I wanted to say... I've just had two cups, but thanks,” he addresses Kat a second later as Bepo shambles back to his previous location with an 'aye aye;' the semi-wake Carrot appreciates this and doesn't hesitate to hog double the space than before she got knocked off as soon as he lies down. Chopper sips from his extra sweet mocaccino while also settling back down, and is silently wondering why she even asked for coffee if she was about to take a nap.

Suppressing a yawn with all his might, Law continues; “... and I think I've mentioned it already, but don't do that. The touching.” … yeah, he did mention it, albeit offhandedly. Occasional pats and pokes are okay, but he's not gonna list an entire 'Trafalgar D. Water Law's Personal Space: A Rule Book' right now. Or ever, really. People either know their shit or they don't, and get away with shit or they don't.

“Oh, right... sorry,” Kat mumbles nervously as she recalls the vague memory. Never mind, she definitely is as apologetic as his navigator. As she prepares to gulp the rest of her drink down in one go, she stops; “You sure you don't want any?”

He raises an eyebrow. “I am... why do you keep asking?”

“I helped make it,” she says, lightening up a bit; “it's vanilla and almond flavored.”

Honestly... he keeps forgetting that she actually works in a place where stuff like this is made. All despite having called her 'cafe girl' for the longest time before, and even after their... accident. Then it became just girl, woman, or simply she-slash-her, which did cause the rare confusion when Ikkaku was around or involved in a matter. Anyway, sharing is caring and all that, but that thing there sounds like a sugar bomb. Which may help him, because his blood sugar levels are not that great at the moment, but at the same time he's not big on vanilla, so... once again, no, thanks.

“I like my coffee black, K...at.” Okay, he almost did it again... and why? Good fucking question. Why call her Kat more than once today, when he was perfectly fine with some variation or combination of the previously mentioned things thus far? He's just been over this, too... Must be exhaustion. And hormones, perhaps. Will have to watch his mouth a lot for the few hours left of this shitty day.

She bites down on her lip to try and hold back the chuckle. “Just say it... say the thing you wanted to say,” she smiles, downing the brew.

“Not in a million years.”

***

*insert Twilight parody line at the end*

Me, looking at my imaginary bullet point table: “You know what would be a good idea? Have a chapter that doesn't have Kat's PoV at all... and name it after her... Yeah.”

(Note: as I REEEALLY need to start working on my BA thesis due around the end of April, this project will likely get totally sidelined. Or speed up because of my procrastination skills. We'll see. After all, I have like 5x0.5 chapters lying around (and about 2 that are finished) and just need to add pacing fillers and patch things up.)

21. Once upon a dream

Kat takes a quick look at the underwater window; it's already nighttime. She should pull herself together soon and stand up, no matter how comfortable the edge of the bed is right now. The room's also perfectly cozy in this rare moment, she could nod off if she doesn't watch herself... especially since she's actually lying across the thing. Don't fall asleep again, man. Put that watch down for a sec, if you have to, and three, two, one, sit. I said three... two... theeere you go.

As she scoots to the side, she peeks at Law for a sec, too. Apart from one round for a glass of water, he's been perfectly silent and still in his chair all afternoon. From what she sees, he's barely keeping his head up, literally nodding off himself, if he'd allow that. He also had a couple of suppressed yawns earlier. Sympathizing with him here... though she's not exactly tired, it's more of the empty feeling one gets after a long, busy day. Still, her body feels heavy and her head light since she herself was in a limbo a minute ago; Kat gives her cheeks a good slap. How long must it have been, the last time she peeked out the window and it was still kind of evening? Fifteen minutes? Thirty...? Definitely not an hour, that cannot be.

“Just go if you're already this dull,” Law moans from over his notebook that hasn't had any new information written into it for a while, then he turns outward. He might have been waiting for her to leave so he can just fall like a log...

“You're one to talk...” She yawns. “Y'ere tired enough yesterday, but today you've been lookin'... really bad.” Like, really bad. Now that Kat can take a good look, he's... indeed in a very rough shape. Maybe she shouldn't have mentioned it at all, but she's getting worried, especially now that she's seen his face. Man, it's been a while since she last had bags under the eyes… If she ever pulled an all-nighter, this is probably what it would look like. He looks two minutes from collapsing on the spot...

He sighs, rubbing his temples. “No shit... I wake up frequently in the first place, but today was especially bad. Your body really is not big on these temperatures.” It's either that or the 'new' environment, can't blame anything else. Honestly, he may be a rather restless sleeper in the first place, but this extra disturbance really throws a wrench into his routine. The best rest he's had this week was that almost-hour in the hall this morning... partly because it was a dreamless one.

“I also had some shitty dream that just kept going every time I managed to fall asleep?” he groans, having reminded himself of that, too. It was all kinds of annoying. “That the alleyway was in it is one thing... but running late for college? On a tram of all things...? Fuck me, I never even finished school, save used one of those things.” Huffing, he closes the book on the desk; he can feel at least four joints in his hand pop at that. His back hurts, too... there's no way he'll get anything else done today, provided he did anything noteworthy at all. At this point, he's just pissed at himself. He leans onto one arm to rest his head, that weighs more and more with every passing minute, on.

Kat, meanwhile... is very much alert, and concerned, to say the least. Because she knows that specific dream pretty damn well. Been a few months, and she thought it might be over already... yet Law did just describe that recurring, anxiety-induced semi-nightmare right now. All of this is looking just as she imagined... oh boy.

“Um... Law?” She blinks over to her bag, then back at him, before reaching inside after short consideration.

He sighs, trying his best to keep his eyelids from closing before being anywhere near the bed. “No need to look at me as if I needed a straitjacket, okay...? I need some rest, is all.”

“I know, it's just... I've been having... unusual dreams, too,” she says standing up, fiddling a little with the board facing her; he looks up with tired eyes. She's... unsure whether it's an appropriate time to show this to him... Following some hesitation, she does turn it around.

Law squints a little to see the thin-lined doodles better, also getting up from his chair. As he steps forward, his frown quickly changes from general irritation and vague anger into worry, confusion, and maybe discomfort... he almost looks scared. Kat can't help but avert her eyes and stare at his feet instead while fighting the urge to do anything with her fingers that itch for fiddling with stuff; she's feeling very out of place right now.

He reaches out to hold the drawings pinned to the corkwood; as soon as she feels the smallest tug, the object is released and she peeks back up at him.

Most of the wrinkles have disappeared, and he's taking in the little details, as few as there are, one by one. His fingers trace down the paper with a gentleness that she has never seen from him before, or even imagined him being capable of. He seems to mouth a word or two... it's as if she's handed him an old, lost photo instead of a couple of rough sketches, really. The way he looks at them, too... there is... a desolate feeling about it. Longing.

He blinks.

“... you couldn't fake this if you wanted to...”

That voice is also new. She's heard him talk calmly, but this is way softer than that. Thinking about it, this might be the first time she's heard him whisper, isn't it? However, it also feels wrong. Sad... He's hurt, seemingly on the verge of tears. But... she doesn't want to see this person sad... and especially not make him sad. Oh no... oh no...

Getting to the bare-bones stick doodle of the gates, he closes his eyes. “... since when?”

While it's nearly the usual tone, it also sounds as if it could break any time... All she can do right now is to enter default anxiety mode and just... spill it. “I saw the first one... when I fell asleep down here.”

“How much... did you see?” Good lord, how much could it be...

That question sounds as if she was eavesdropping on purpose or something... Considering that this seems to be very personal and a sensitive issue to Law, it certainly feels like it. “There were... three dreams, I think. I don't remember a lot from the first two, but... today I hung out with that man, in a bright town. Later the buildings turned into white sand... and we played in it.”

A bitter smile appears on his face. Of all things... building something like sand castles with him. In that rubble... on that rubble. “A white city, eh...?” Don't cry... barely awake or not, don't you dare fucking cry, shithead.

“... yes. And, uh...” This information... might not even be relevant, but she might as well mention the other... characters? People? “some children joined, too. Most of them had a uniform. First was a little dark blonde girl, with pigtails...” She doesn't remember anything noteworthy about the others...

While generally avoiding to look at his face right now, it's obvious that this bit was indeed important, and must have hit him pretty hard; he hugs the paper support and lowers his head, resting his chin against the drawing board.

“... that went on for a bit, until a man and woman came, to...” She stops. Fuck. Fuck, fuck, fuck. Can't just finish the sentence like that, what if they were his parents?! Wait, she thought the man looked like Law. They absolutely were his parents and whatever has happened he's super upset about this already. FUCK. How the hell can she continue now, if a couple of vague descriptions, about ten lines of a building and the mention of a white... a White...

The scorching coals of distress turn to ice in her chest, and she dares a short look back at him, then stares at her hands that kind of feel as cold as if they were her own. Her thoughts take a quick detour to do simple math, then from one old memory scrap to another, followed by some anecdote fragments in a collection she read that was not for her age at the time.

She doesn't like the idea. It's not her place to inquire about this, if true. Think anything about this, if true. Maybe, just maybe, it's not the truth at all. It's so extremely unlikely, after all. It still does feel like she stumbled upon a terrible secret. Forbidden knowledge. Because... she knows why that place was familiar. And it would just make perfect sense, if, by chance...

“I remember... the newspaper from that day,” she says finally after swallowing hard, squeezing out the words one by one, feeling their weight. It's one of those memories that just flash in front of her from time to time; when she's sitting in the kitchen in the golden hour, or having apricot jam on bread, like back then. In this one, she's barely eight... looking at pictures in a paper. The old, crackling denden mushi is receiving the only radio signal available, the news are just about over. They repeated something that's been a topic for a week or so. There's... an image of a town, labeled as an archive photograph...

“It was headlines. I didn't read the article, wouldn't have really understood anyway, but... I remember the photo... of a big building. And the fence in front. That's what it is... that's the place I've been seeing... right?”

He's as still as a statue. There's some noise, something between a hum and a whimper, hard to decide... he nods after some delay. Kat is at a loss as to how she could proceed, if at all... saying more would be awkward; leaving would be even more so… doing anything, even existing, is awkward. In the end, Law's the one to break the silence.

“I was sick… with nowhere to run. Didn't even know who to blame, I just wanted to take revenge on anything... and everything.” After the hastily uttered train of thought gets out, he takes a deep, shaky breath. Fuck it, she already knows. He gave away the missing critical pieces to an incomplete puzzle, like the utter tool he is. Most he can do right now is to tell her whatever seems... safe. Just enough to satisfy her questions, barely enough to let this issue die right here. It's just...

Putting an end to that a few months ago is still so fresh in his mind. It made him rethink a lot of things, and just generally think of that godforsaken day a lot again... old wounds were ripped open, and they are not done healing, not at all. He's been trying to just cover it all up until this alliance business dies down for good, and right now there is only a mess of strong feelings with no coherent thoughts attached. It's hard... finding words for it right now is just too damn hard.

Law reaches out; Kat is too puzzled figure out what to do, or how she should interpret the gesture, so she doesn't stop the unsure, icy fingers from barely tapping her chest.

“He was the one... who saved me,” Law breathes, lowering the drawing board in his other hand.

It takes Kat a second to remember that right under the T-shirt is the center of his big tattoo, pretty much the image of the Heart Pirates' jolly roger. The only 'he' she can think of... and that's kind of like that one smile she saw today, isn't it. And there's the heart motive, buried under either smoke or fire... “... the man in the feather coat...”

He hums; he's not touching her anymore, but his hand hovers over the spot for another moment.

Kat meanwhile regrets not waiting with her dumb question until a more suitable time a lot... and is also getting choked up. It's not even because of an episode after a long time spent in comfortable numbness, or that seeing sad or miserable people makes her restless, especially if she's attached to them... it's rather that, if nothing else in particular stuck with her from that frigid, snowy dream, she remembers the feeling very well. It was a lot like the one she had as a little girl, of her mother being hypnotized and abandoning her. Never saw the end of that recurring nightmare. She always woke up after the person responsible, -the local shopkeeper, for some reason,- just laughed and laughed at her misery... All in all, it felt like shit. This man also must have died, or else Law wouldn't be like... this. Quite frankly, just remembering the name of Flevance and connecting it to the crumbling sand town caused a visceral reaction she cannot put anywhere. This body never really let go of Law, did it...?

As his hand starts to slip away, she reaches for it intuitively; it just seems... the logical thing to do? Except it's not, not really. He doesn't even like things like this... God, she's also been exhausted mentally with all these people around, and even wasted more energy on this silly hug business, zeroing her leftover sense of self-awareness. Oh well... if she's already at it, and thinking about it, there's one semi-logical step left. It's normal to do that in these situations anyway, so...

Kat takes a hesitant step ahead, and pulls him once again into a gentle one-armed hug: just a bit tighter, and a bit less awkward than the previous one. The hand she took a second ago is raised back up to roughly where Law's own heart would be and she holds it so carefully as if it were made of something really brittle, like an actual shard of thin ice. Also can't help but note that her body is exactly a head shorter than his... will have to resist the temptation to lean into the curly hair, even if it's inconveniently tickling her neck right now.

Law really wants to be angry, or anything other than tired and empty, really, but the half-hearted attempt is a complete failure. Instead, the only emotion he can muster is deepest shame; normally, he'd just brood down here alone, maybe cry into his pillow, but... he's not alone right now, and needs this. Really badly. Someone to latch onto, like a gross attention leech... And it feels so damn great. She's also rubbing his back a little, and may or may not have just lowered her chin onto his head. This is nice, so, if only for a little while… okay, this should do it... the three to five seconds of self-indulgent cuddling are over. He takes a deep breath to calm down and try to pull himself together as she mumbles something into his hair that he can barely make out.

“You are such a brave and smart boy...”

His heart swells upon hearing that, and he feels the first tear break free from under strict supervision; she probably didn't even mean to say it out loud, and the rather infantilizing nature of the statement aside... although it's part of the problem, really... her soft-spoken demeanor just makes that voice sound a lot like his father's. A little too much. There comes the first hiccup, soon followed by many more...

Kat drifts back to reality upon hearing the first sob, and finds herself unsure what to do again; she has no idea how to handle a situation like this. Did she ever have a crying person around when she did something past just... standing in a corner and feeling bad herself? At any time? What did... what did her parents do, how did they calm her down? They... what they did was... there's... nothing. They humored her for a minute, maybe. When it was just a scratch, told her that it's no big deal. All she remembers are the times they made her cry over something stupid instead... being straight-out terrified at times, going as far as hiding the shards of a broken vase or mug in the cluttered backyard. Even when she stepped into an old nail, she didn't tell a thing, although she was old enough to know that she ought to get tetanus vaccination afterwards.

She can feel anger boil its way up her throat; god, just... in how many ways did growing up with those people fuck her over...? No... no, no, no. No thinking about that, she has someone else here, and they need some kind of help or support. But she's so useless... augh, maybe she shouldn't be here at all right now...

“Law... do you want me to leave?” At least she can't do any harm with that...

The answer is not exactly direct, but a whimper like that sounds like a 'no' in any situation. If that wouldn't be enough, his hand also curls around a wrinkle of the tee.

Kat sighs, releasing his hand and wrapping her now free arm around him instead; she also takes the board before he drops it, and tosses the thing on the corner of the bed, near where the wobbly book pile is. What else could she do now, though...? She doesn't really have a sure means to calm him down... maybe... maybe she could sing, or rather hum something, stay until he falls asleep. Let's see, it has to be something soft... and preferably not holiday-related. There's not a lot that she knows perfectly by heart, though. Oh god... um, maybe that one, the one her mother sang to her and her brothers after going to bed, until she just stopped doing it one day. Which was quite a shame, really; she loved it a lot. Seems like she can still remember the tune, too... alright.

While she was contemplating, her right hand wandered up to his scalp and is absentmindedly scratching away at his nape ever so softly. She stops for a split second upon noticing, but resumes just as quickly- he hasn't said anything, nor reacted, so it should be okay. In fact, it seems to be doing a pretty good job... Law's less tense, and his breathing less erratic already. Alright, he should be fine in a few more minutes; shushing will be fine for now. As soon as he's down to sniffling, she leads him to the bed to sit.

Since he doesn't seem to be letting go of the t-shirt any time soon, she joins him with one hand still on his back. Maybe five motionless minutes pass before she takes a look at him; he's barely conscious leaning against her, isn't he... whether it's just to avoid stressful dreams or being on autopilot, he's still not willing to let himself fall asleep. What a stubborn oaf.

She sighs a little, and concentrates on a single note before humming the old song, after all. The last thing she kind of remembers before drifting off is thinking about how to lay him down without waking him up.

***

Today's #mood be like mspaintadventures.com/?s=6&p=005143

I'll try to churn out one more before I go on a forced hiatus, just so it stops on a less depressing note... that aside, story time!

So... I have zero connection to America. Live in the area where West and East Europe meet, in the middle of nowhere basically. And yet, I remember coming home when I was 10, and the TV showing some 3-hour news special on 9/11. The single suspended mental image of the television showing one of the planes before impact as I throw my backpack down before I go eat just stuck with me. There are many other little things, like the marzipan lion from my brother's first birthday cake hanging out in the kitchen window for months (I was barely 2 then, like? holy shit); seeing the few drops of blood on the concrete after a kid named Márk hit someone in the face in kindergarten as they cry in the background; the moment I saw a thick snake slither at my feet as I wanted to go down to the cellar outdoors around 4th grade (I've felt uneasy down there ever since, was a favorite before)... They are 3D photographs of minuscule length if any... as a visual type, I might have more of these than the average, but it's amazing that billions of people, if not everyone, has these lying around in their brains. Humans are wild, man.

Anyway, I remembered that, and decided to put something similar in here. Same for the song, which is the main motif of “Esti Dal” aka Evening Song. (quote-unquote best version I could find rn was this flash mob /watch?v=b055cHvLgtk) Kat's a semi-self-insert, after all.

ps.: The universe is a cold, uncaring place, and remembering is the most powerful FUCK YOU at your disposal, and erasing memories of someone or something is the most cruel punishment you can impose- all I'm saying is, that the least you can do is share these memories in some way or form. Go write something, you tool. And me, too. Yes you, I know you'll be reading this in a few weeks again to check where you left off when you last were unmotivated to continue. And yes, you did indeed write the commentary for... whatever chapter this is before finishing 19, bitch. I see you. Shia LaBeouf that shit. JUST. DO IT.

[dangan-analysis]

Character Analysis - Nagito Komaeda

Name: Nagito Komaeda (狛枝 凪斗)

Title: Super High School Level Lucky Student (超高校級の「幸運」)

Appearances: Danganronpa 2: Goodbye Despair (video game), Super Danganronpa 2 - Komaeda Nagito no Koūn to Kibō to Zetsubō (manga), Danganronpa Another Episode: Ultra Despair Girls (video game), Danganronpa 3: The End of Hope’s Peak Academy - Side: Despair (anime), Danganronpa 3: The End of Hope’s Peak Academy - Side: Hope (anime),  Super Danganronpa 2.5: Nagito Komaeda and the Destroyer of the World (OVA)

WARNING: UNTAGGED SPOILERS FOLLOW

Introduction

Komaeda is an extremely controversial character in the DR franchise. 

He’s loved by those who see him as a well-written and complex character and those that pity him, but he’s despised by those who are disgusted with his intense obsession with hope, though he does have good reason to have his unhealthy mindset. 

And despite the controversy surrounding Komaeda’s character, he’s seen as nothing but a “hope fanatic” by the most of the community, evident through his status of being the subject of countless memes in the fan base. It’s unfair to a character as complex as Komaeda’s to be reduced to that one single aspect of his character.

He plays an important role in the storyline, often serving as the catalyst for several events in the game. Komaeda also acts as a foil to both Hinata and Naegi, demonstrating that an extreme obsession with hope, luck, and talent is not a great characteristic to have.

Regardless, Komaeda is one of the most prominent antiheroes in the DR universe with his willingness to sacrifice both others and himself for what he believes is the greater good — hope.

Backstory

One of the defining characteristics of Komaeda’s backstory is the constant cycle of good and bad luck he’s been trapped in. Simply put, whenever something bad happens to him, something good happens to him. 

For example, Komaeda has the time of his life while visiting San Cristóbal Island with his family (good event). However, when the Komaeda family is flying home, their plane is hijacked (bad event). Luckily, a meteor crashes into the hijacker and kills him (good event), but the meteor also kills Komaeda’s parents (bad event). Afterwards, Komaeda inherits the wealth of his parents and gains an independence he’d never have with his parents (good event).

Although this is only one event in Komaeda’s experiences of simultaneous good and bad luck, you can imagine how much trauma this caused; any child seeing his parents unwittingly killed right before his eyes would suffer from some kind of psychological repercussion. Keep in mind that this isn’t the only event that’s happened to him;  this insistent cycle of good and bad luck guarantees that any chance he might have at actual happiness would be spoiled, amplifying his depression in the process.

Stuck in a loop he can’t break through, Komaeda feels incredibly helpless. He can’t control what’s happening to both the people he loves and himself; he’s completely at the mercy of fate. This series of fortunate and unfortunate events, as coincidental as they may be, heavily impairs Komaeda’s psyche, causing him to believe that he must be incredibly worthless to be trapped in limbo. Thus, Komaeda develops a low self-esteem and an extreme form of depression.

To add on to his worthlessness, Komaeda suffers from terminal illnesses — stage 3 malignant lymphoma and frontotemporal dementia, specifically. His dementia accounts for some of his odd behavior with its common symptoms of “significant changes in social and personal behavior, apathy, blunting of emotions, and deficits in both expressive and receptive language.” Given a life expectancy of 6 months to a year, Komaeda feels even more helpless than ever before; he could easily drop dead at anytime. Thus, he sees himself as expendable and constantly offers himself up to complete other’s goals, as he believes that he’s nothing more than a pawn in the chess game between hope and despair.

With all the hardship and trauma he’s faced in the past, Komaeda sees the other SHSL students and feels incredibly sad. Though these people certainly don’t have the luck Komaeda has, his classmates have a stable life, people they  love, and a happiness he’s never had the opportunity to feel because of his oscillating luck. Komaeda sees these people and believes that must be blessed to have so much talent and happiness, and his jealously twists him to the point where he believes that he is inferior and all the other SHSL students are superior. 

Character

Burdened by his difficult past, Komaeda develops into a character that obsesses over the idea of a greater good triumphing over all evils. He sees the SHSL students, blessed with talent upon birth, as the perfect embodiments for hope. That’s why he worships hope and the SHSL students so much. That’s also why he’s so morally gray in his actions — he’s willing to sacrifice himself (and others) to act as a martyr for hope, since his low self-esteem convinces him that he’s easily disposable; after all, no one will miss him if he’s dead since all of his loved ones were “killed” by his luck.

Komaeda only does what he believes is the right thing and would be the best for everyone involved. That’s why he’s so persistent in working towards “hope”; he believes that everyone will feel the maximum happiness that he never got to feel if he brought them the most hope. 

Also, Komaeda’s determination to achieve hope alienates him from others; even he admits that he knows his beliefs are responsible for isolating him from others. Komaeda’s never been able to feel what other have due to his cycle of luck, so he’s naturally blunt and insensitive. Instead of trying to insult others, Komaeda misunderstands people to the point where he hurts people and doesn’t even realize it. 

Another reason for Komaeda’s emotional disconnect is because he believes everyone whom he loves will die. During his FTE, when Komaeda feels that he is getting closer to Hinata, he pushes him away in fear that his bad luck will hurt him. Despite all this, Komaeda truly wishes for someone to understand him and help him acknowledge his feelings, which is why he’s so grateful that Hinata takes time to get to know him alone during his FTEs, ultimately leading to a sort of attraction towards him.

His character can thus be broken down into the following elements:

Low self-esteem, inferiority, and insecurity resulting from his cycle of luck

Determination to bring a greater hope resulting from all the despair he’s felt in his past

Lack of empathy resulting from his inability to feel happiness and his mental illnesses

Killing School Trip

Komaeda is the first character you meet in the game. At first sight, he seems polite, friendly, and carefree, yet insecure at times. He seems to enjoy himself as you go around meeting the other students with him.

However, this all changes when Monokuma announces the Killing School Trip. Suddenly, Komaeda morphs into a devastating psychopath and misanthrope drooling over the idea of murdering others to create a greater hope during the first trial. But why this abrupt change in personality?

I believe that before the killing game started, Komaeda genuinely felt happy and believed that he finally found a place where his cycle of good and bad luck wouldn’t get to him; however, when Monokuma announced the killing game, Komaeda realizes that his circumstances are the same as ever, and to prevent despair from triumphing in a situation as terrible as a killing game, he’d need to create the maximum hope for the students.

With this belief in mind, Komaeda starts to craft a detailed, elaborate plan for murder; it’s incredibly thought out, and if not for the foresight of the SHSL Impostor, his murder plan would’ve likely succeeded.

One common misinterpretation of Komaeda’s intentions is that Komaeda intended to kill another student. First of all, this goes against his philosophy of SHSL students being superior to him. Instead, what Komaeda had intended with his murder plan was to coerce another SHSL student into murdering him (by accident). This is also why Komaeda was so honest in confessing his plan to Hanamura; he knew that Hanamura would seek to prevent him from murdering by killing him first.

Everything goes as planned; the blackout is triggered, and Komaeda makes his way under the table. However, just before he grabs the knife, the SHSL Impostor shoves Komaeda out under the table and grabs the knife, and Hanamura stabs the SHSL Impostor from under the floorboards. Unbeknownst to Hanamura, he had killed the wrong person.

Although he’s disappointed that his plan went awry, Komaeda helps you investigate, giving hints as to what happened. Komaeda’s high intelligence and intuition allows him to have a full grasp of the murder, especially when he was so involved in it.

Then comes the trial where Komaeda’s “craziness” is revealed. Komaeda initially defends Hanamura and directs suspicion onto himself because if Hanamura managed to get away with the murder, Komaeda would allow a superior SHSL to escape and Hanamura would have a lot of hope. However, as the chances of hope for Hanamura become bleak with the progression of the trial, Komaeda turns against Hanamura because he believes the others will gain hope when they realize the chose the correct murderer. Unfortunately, Komaeda causes more despair when his classmates witness Hanamura’s execution and are faced with the harsh reality of the game.

Komaeda remains relatively static as a character, despite all the mood swings he goes through, up until his suicide in Chapter 5. During this time, he solves the trials relatively easily, deducing who the killers are very early. This demonstrates how intelligent Komaeda is, but Komaeda’s hypotheses during trials also prove how emotionally disconnected he is.

In all the trials he’s involved in, he completely misses the motive of the killer. He never understood that Hanamura didn’t kill for hope but for his love for his mother, he didn’t understand that Pekoyama didn’t act as an accomplice in her murder, he didn’t understand that Tsumiki killed for her love of despair, and he was so far off on why Tanaka murdered. This is how much his past has impacted him; he’s been so convoluted by his cycle of luck that he simply can’t understand ulterior motives.

Chapter 5

After completing the Final Dead Room in Chapter 4, Komaeda learns that both him and his classmates were once Remnants of Despair and is highly disgusted by this realization. He no longer sees the other SHSLs as beacons of hope; he sees them as harbringers of despair that must be eliminated to preserve hope.

Thus, Komaeda prepares his murder with two goals — to expose the murderer and create maximum despair. Komaeda believes that his luck will force the traitor to throw the poisoned bottle that will eventually kill him. This means that if the participants are confused to the point where they choose the wrong murderer, the traitor, who he believes is an enemy the Remnants of Despair, will be able to escape the killing game and spread hope.

In the event that the traitor is chosen correctly, Komaeda knows that his classmates will fall into despair upon realizing who the traitor is — but the greatest despair creates the greatest hope, right? Keep in mind that Komaeda’s philosophy is that you must suffer in order to feel happiness; by wishing for everyone’s best happiness, he believes that he must be responsible for causing their despair first.

A final personal reason for Komaeda’s painfully gruesome suicide is that he wanted to make himself suffer for being a Remnant of Despair in his past and not being good enough to bring hope. It’s truly tragic that Komaeda chooses to throw himself away like this, but considering what he’s gone through in his past, Komaeda believes that worthless people like him should find no glory in their deaths.

Just as Komaeda planned, Nanami throws the bottle containing the poison and kills him. When she admits that she’s the traitor and is executed for “killing” Komaeda, the others grieve over her death; however, her memory spurs Hinata to continue clinging to hope and force the Final Shutdown, just like Komaeda had always intended.

Summary

Traumatized by his tragic past, Nagito Komaeda sees himself as the martyr that will bring the best for everyone as a means of seeking the self-worth that he lacks brought on by his misfortune. 

His mad chase for hope twists him into performing controversial actions and makes him seem crazy, but he really is just a misunderstood, aloof loner who wishes to help others around him and to be understood.

Initally glad that he could finally enjoy life on Jabberwock Island, everything turns upside-down for Komaeda when Monokuma announces the killing game. Once again, Komaeda is thrust into his lifelong battle of fighting against despair and bringing hope by seeking to create the most despairful acts himself in order to bring a greater hope.

All in all, Komaeda is really just a representative of someone seeking an established ideal after facing so many negative experiences in his past. Komaeda truly is one of the most complex and well-written characters in the DR franchise.

Author’s Notes

Phew, I’m finally done! I should’ve expected this to happen though, considering how complicated Komaeda’s character is. I really do apologize for taking so long to write this analysis, but I do have a super duper high school life outside of writing character analyses.

For some reason, I feel that this analysis was less comprehensive than my other one. It’s probably because I was in a rush to get this out to you guys, but maybe it’s also because I love Celes more than Komaeda. I do have to say that Komaeda’s character is so multi-faceted that I just can’t capture all of him in one go. I’ll definitely update this analysis in the future.

Next up is Corpsey McWarBlade Mukuro Ikusaba’s analysis! She’s also a complex character, so I’d give about 1.5-2 weeks time as a rough estimate of when I’ll be done.

Thanks for reading this analysis and your patience, understanding, and support of this blog! I hope you enjoyed this analysis; feel free to drop some questions about Komaeda in the ask box if you’d like to know more about him! :)