#missingmimi

[palavrasdeputaria]

Thank you for loving me while you could

You felt like home

[her-queenb]

#LongClawsDontCare #MissingMimi

[palavrasdeputaria]

This fucking scene!!!!

[palavrasdeputaria]

I’m sitting in my friends backyard after eating shrooms.

I feel a little fuzzy but not as much as I’d like to.

I hate that I miss you.

I’m playing Stray after watching hours and hours of others playing. It’s fun. It would be more fun with you.

I hate that I miss you. I hate that I fucked up. I hate that I’m a fuck up.

I hate that I hurt you. I hate that I let you down. I hate that I am like this.

I don’t hate that I miss you, I hate that you’re better without me.

I love you and I’m glad you got away from me.

I’m no good.

[palavrasdeputaria]

I love fruit

I love cut fruit

I love nibbling on sweet bits mindlessly

But cut fruit from Whole Foods where some employee was absolutely mistreated doesn’t feel like love fruit

Love fruit is a bowl put in front of you by someone who loves you

And they silently walk away

But you know what they meant to say was “here, I know you haven’t eaten, eat this sweet fruit that I made into little pieces for you”

And you eat the fruit and feel better, you feel love

As you eat it you know there is love

I love fruit

[palavrasdeputaria]

Regret is a painful thing to hold inside of yourself

It's too big and amorphous and it travels into all of your corners

Making you feel simultaneously too full and completely empty

[palavrasdeputaria]

[palavrasdeputaria]

I didn’t need to keep track of who did what

But I did keep track of feeling unwanted

I needed reciprocity

I needed love

[palavrasdeputaria]

[palavrasdeputaria]

My skin is warm in sunshine

and you're sleeping alone in my bed

I smoke cigarettes and drink coffee

thinking how these are your least favorite things

soon i'll come home to you

and wait in a space where I wish

wish you would wrap your hands around me

like you couldn't get enough

grab me with grace

take handfuls of my flesh

anticipation turns to consternation

in this space of needing your wanting

when words stop being enough

and fingers are all i crave

fingers laced in my hair

with pulls of passion

fingers sliding into my lips just to feel you inside of me

digits of desire sliding over anything

everything

didn't you notice how i fell into this place?

where my mouth stopped saying want me more

more than i love you

as much as i want you

want me more than water

want me more than sustenance

crush me in your teeth like a grape

just swallow me in juicy sweetness

[palavrasdeputaria]

To the prettiest girl who ever did let me kiss her.

You will still be a dream I have from time to time.

The dream of waking up to sunlight wrapping your hair in a halo.

The dream of holding your hand and giving you kisses.

To dream of a life that seems so light and airy, with you.

Not being able to touch you hurts, but really that’s been hurting for a while.

Your dreams are always filled with sun and laughter. They are grasses swaying and slow dancing in the moonlight.

To the moon and back our dreams have lived.

Floating in the cosmos with starlight and sweetness.

I wished and wished in my sleepless nights to get lost in the dream that you would hold me instead of let me go.

To the moon and back but it got stuck somewhere in the atmosphere.

I dreamed in my insomniac brain that you would take my hand and not be able to let go.

Dreamed that we could be tangled together and find something in that.

Something that would keep it all traveling…

To the moon and back. If you had said so I would have kept trying to get us there.

I thought I felt what you felt when you were far away.

I think you’re the love of my life but here I am floating in the clouds hoping they’ll wash me of your scent.

Every poem I write after this will be different.

[palavrasdeputaria]

It’s another no sleep night

Another nightmare night

Yeah want to swim into the ocean until I can’t see land

And just stay there as far away as possible

I’m remembering that isolation is my natural state

I’m remembering it’s easier this way in the long run

Be an island, let people swim around you, don’t ever let anyone settle on dry land

[palavrasdeputaria]

All I really wanna hear is that it’ll be okay

[palavrasdeputaria]

Days change and keep moving

Some are almost okay

Most are very foggy and confusing

Today nothing feels right

I can’t find the right show

Movie

Song

Book

That makes my mind mend itself enough to move

Everything feels like it’s crawling under my skin

I keep twitching and fidgeting and tugging at parts of me in a moment of escape

Tap tap tap

Scratch a certain point just at the crook of my elbow

Move that hair that keeps tickling my earlobe

Put on a different dress

No pants

Maybe a skirt

Leggings

Everything feels so uncomfortable

[palavrasdeputaria]

Still so much I wish I had said

I just keep shoving it down

But now my stomach hurts so much

[palavrasdeputaria]

I don’t deserve it but I wish I could be forgiven.

I wish it didn’t hurt you to be near me.

I wish I could get another chance.