#most incompetent person ever and also like i will never get anywhere because my style isn’t exactly what u see in most illustrated books

[ouchhq]

i think im gonna ask my therapist to get me an appointment with the private psychiatrist she suggested

[ibroughtyoumybullets]

say more about one direction i like ur perspective

this is a dangerous ask thank you for it.

zayn was objectively and subjectively the most talented member but he got completely fucking shafted by the weird Semen Coward Boyband FormulaTM and was a continuous victim of horrid racist attention and its no fucking wonder he dipped out of the public eye and our culture is worser for this. niall is the only one who has a real shot at being a semi normal human being and i want this for him so deeply and i wish he was better at writing songs. also every time i see a picture of him now it takes me 15-30 seconds to recognize him because he isn't ellen degenerus blonde anymore. loam sucks and hes always sucked tbh and anybody who was in the trenches with me knows this in their heart of hearts. he clearly thought from the beginning he would end up being the justin timberlake and he just SOOOO isn't and hes fucking bitter about it and it comes out in everything he does. i carry harry styles around in my heart and always will but his self titled is his only solid release. honestly i think he got totally fucked by whatever his marketing department decided for him because the quirky fruit lite thing is boring and disingenuous to anybody with eyes in their skull but i do really think he could make good music but it just isn't in the cards for him because it's easier to make cash off the Formula. louis got completely fucked over in his attempts at solo music by incompetent management and label and i feel bad for him but not that bad because he kinda sucks too also he's trying to make the wrong kind of music he doesn't have the voice for what he's going for but i do believe he has potential. the band as a whole probably were really good friends for a time or at least convinced themselves they were but by the end of the take me home tour there's no way they didn't fucking hate one another. all of them are straight-enuf but louis and harry traded mediocre handies at least once and it permanently altered the course of the band in a bad way. they lost xfactor for a reason and if it hadn't been for the rabid fan attention that screamed DOLLAR SIGNS they wouldn't have ever gotten anywhere. when they have their deeply uncomfortable reunion tour there will be some kind of pathetic pro rev-esque fight on stage and they will never speak on it and honestly it will probably be planned after the first dozen shows of tour get bad reviews. they are all victims of a horrifying celebrity culture that will push it's show monkeys to the very edge and then just a little bit more and in a just world they would be able to sue somebody about it. if i were to watch any of the xfactor video diaries at 23 years of age i would burst into tears. being a one direction fan was a wholly unique experience and it made me a worse person. i love them and will till the end of time.

[jayoctodot]

The Silent Patient vs The Maidens

I will start by saying that I understand the appeal of these novels as page-turners. They are easy to read and if you want a twisty reveal at the end, you will probably be entertained and satisfied. That being said, I am SO CONFUSED by the near-universal adoration of The Silent Patient and the reasonably positive reception of The Maidens. The weaknesses of the two are strikingly similar, as well, which doesn’t give me much hope of seeing improvement from this guy, though I am intrigued to see whether he keeps repeating the same (apparently successful!!) patterns. These books were at least super fun to hate.

(For context, I read The Maidens for a bookclub I'm in, because several of the members had read and loved The Silent Patient, and one of them gave me a copy of the latter to read on my own time. I loathed The Maidens and then read The SP for comparative purposes. And because I'm a masochist, apparently.)

SPOILER WARNING! Do not read on unless you've finished both books (or unless you care not for spoilers). Sorry if it gets a bit shouty.

Here are the similar weaknesses I noticed in both:

PSEUDO-PSYCHOLOGY

-> Weirdly similar “group therapy” scenes early on where a cartoonishly unstable patient arrives late, disrupts the meeting by throwing something into the middle of the circle, and is asked to join the group after the therapist(s) speechify on the importance of boundaries (HA! None of these therapists would know an appropriate boundary if it kicked them in the ass) and debate whether to “allow” the patient to join. Both scenes are so transparent in their design to establish the credibility/legitimacy of the narrators as therapists, but instead both Theo and Mariana come off as super patronizing. The protagonists are less and less believable as therapists at the stories progress (though at least Theo’s incompetence is explained away by the “twist” at the end; Mariana, on the other hand, is confronted in the opening pages of the novel by a patient who has self-harmed PRETTY extensively, and rather than ensure he get proper medical attention, she essentially throws him a first aid kit and tosses him out the door so she can pour herself a glass of wine and call her niece... and it devolves from there).

-> Ongoing insistence throughout the narrative that one’s childhood trauma entirely explains the warped/dysfunctional way a character behaves or views the world, which is why the books go out of their way to give EVERY potentially violent character a traumatic childhood; when Theo insists that no one ever became an abuser who hadn’t been abused themselves, I wanted to throw the book across the room. (That is a MYTH, SIR. GET OUT OF HERE WITH YOUR ARMCHAIR PSYCHOLOGY.)

-> Female murderers whose pathology boils down to “history of depression” and “traumatized by a male loved one/family member.” Because, as we all know, depression + abuse = murderer!

-> The “therapy” depicted in both books is laughable and so so unrealistic, mostly because neither narrators function as therapists so much as incompetent detectives, obsessively pursuing a case they have no place pursuing (or skill to pursue - both just happen across every clue mostly by way of clunky conversation with all the people who can provide precisely the snippet of info to send them along to the next person, and the next… until all is revealed in a tired, cliched “twist”). Their constant Psych 101 asides were so tiresome and weirdly dated (also, the constant harping on countertransference got so ridiculous that at one point during "therapy" Theo literally attributes his headache and a particular emotion he feels to Alicia, as though the contents of her head are being broadcast directly into his mind... and I'm PRETTY SURE that's not how it works???)

CHARACTERS

-> Psychotherapist narrators with abusive fathers and pretensions of being Sherlock Holmes, which results in both characters crossing ALL KINDS of ethical lines as they invade the personal lives of everyone even tangentially connected to their cases (and, in Theo's case, violate all kinds of patient confidentiality. Yeah, yeah, by the end, that's the least of his offenses, but before you get there, it's baffling that NO ONE is calling him out on this).

-> All female characters are either elderly with hilariously bad advice, monstrous hulking brutes, or beautiful bitches (except for ~MARIANA~, who is Bella Swan-esque in her unawareness of her own attractiveness, despite multiple men trying to get with her almost immediately after meeting her. I'm so tired of beautiful female characters being oblivious to their own hotness. Are we meant to believe all mirrors and male attention have escaped their notice? If it’s to make them “relatable,” this tactic really fails with me).

-> All characters of color are shallow, cartoonish side characters, and most of them are depicted as unsympathetic minor antagonists (the Sikh Chief Inspector in The Maidens continuously drinks tea from an ever-present thermos, and his only other notable characteristic is his instant dislike of Mariana, whom he VERY RIGHTLY warns to stay out of the investigation that she is VERY MUCH compromising… the Caribbean manager of the Grove is universally disliked by her staff for enforcing stricter safety regulations at the bafflingly poorly run mental institution, because HOW DARE SHE. There's a very clear vibe that we're supposed to dislike these characters and share the protagonists' indignation, but honestly Sangha/Stephanie were completely in the right for trying to shut down their wildly inappropriate investigations).

-> "Working class" characters (or basically anyone excluded from the comfortably upper-crust, educated main cadre of characters) are few and far between in both stories, but when they show up, he depicts them as such caricatures. We got Elsie the pathologically lying housekeeper in the Maidens, who is enticed to share her bullshit with cake, and then a TOOTHLESS LEPRECHAUN DEALING DRUGS UNDER A BRIDGE in the SP. I kid you not, a man described as having the body of a child, the face of Father Time, and no front teeth, emerges from beneath a bridge and offers to sell Theo some "grass." I was dyinggg.

-> There are no characters to root for. Anywhere. Partly because they’re all so thinly drawn — and because we’re clearly supposed to view almost ALL of them as potential suspects, so they’re ALL weird, creepy, or incompetent in some way.

-> The flimsiest of flimsy motives, both for the narrators and the murderers. Theo fully would have gotten away with his involvement in the murder if he hadn't gone out of his way to work at the Grove and "treat" Alicia and his justification for doing so is pretty weak; his rapid descent into stalking and murder fantasy and his random ass decision to "expose" Alicia's husband as a cheater with a spur-of-the-moment home invasion and staged attempted homicide is ONLY justified if the reader hand waves it away as WELP, HE'S CRAZY, I GUESS (after all, he DID have an abusive father and a history of mental illness, and in Michaelides novels, that's ALL YOU NEED to become a violent psycho). I guess we're lucky Mariana didn't also start dropping bodies (because the logic of his fictional universe says she should definitely be a murderer by now... maybe that'll be his Maidens sequel?). But she especially had NO reason to randomly turn detective - and she kept trying to justify it by saying she needed to re-enter the world or that Sebastian would want her to (??), even though she had no background in criminal psychology... or even a particular fondness for mysteries (really, I would've accepted ANYTHING to explain her dogged obsession with the case. WHY were Sebastian and Zoe so certain she would insert herself into the investigation just because one of Zoe's friends was the first victim? WHY?). As for Zoe and Alicia, their motives are mere suggestions: they were both abused and manipulated, and voila! Slippery slope to murder.

WRITING STYLE

-> Incessant allusions to Greek tragedy and myth, apparently to provide a sophisticated gloss over the bare-bones writing style, which opts more for telling than showing and frequently indulges in hilariously bizarre analogies. Credit where credit is due — the references to Greek myth are less clunky in the SP, and I liked learning about the Alcestis play/myth, which I hadn’t heard of before - but OMG the entire characterization of Fosca, who we are meant to believe is a professor of Greek tragedy at one of the most respected universities on the planet, is just absurd. His "lecture" on the liminal in Greek tragedy is essentially the Wikipedia page on the Eleusinian Mysteries capped off with some Hallmark-card carpe diem crap. The lecture hall responds with raucous applause, clearly never having heard such vague genius bullshit before.

-> Super clunky and amateurish narrative device of interludes written by another character; Sebastian’s letter reads like a mashup of Dexter monologues and Clarice’s memory of the screaming sheep, but by FAR the worse offender is Alicia’s diary, where we’re supposed to believe she painstakingly recorded ENTIRE CONVERSATIONS, BEAT-BY-BEAT DIALOGUE, even when she’s just been DRUGGED TO THE GILLS with morphine and has mere moments of consciousness left… and even before that, she literally takes the time to write “He's trying the windows and doors! ...Someone’s inside! Someone’s inside the house! ETC ETC” when she thinks her stalker has broken in downstairs. WHO DOES THAT?)

-> Speaking of dialogue, the dialogue is so bad. Based on his bio, Michaelides got a degree in screenwriting, which makes his terrible dialogue even more baffling.

-> HILARIOUSLY rendered voyeur scenes where the narrators spy on couples having sex. Such unintentionally awkward descriptions. First we had Kathy’s climax sounds through the trees and then the bowler hat carefully placed on a tombstone before the gatekeeper plows a student. Again, I died.

PLOT/"TWIST"

-> The CONSTANT red herrings make for such an exhausting read. Michaelides drops anvils with almost every character that are so obviously meant to designate them as suspects in our minds. There is absolutely no subtlety in his misdirections.

-> The “crossover” scene between the SP and The Maidens makes no sense - when in the timeline does Mariana’s story overlap with Theo’s? They confer just before Theo starts working at the Grove, obviously (though Mariana appears to be the one who alerts Theo to the job opening there? Whereas in the SP, Theo has been obsessively tracking Alicia since the murder and had already planned to apply to work there?), but then are we supposed to believe that while Theo has been psychotically pursuing his warped quest to “help” Alicia, he’s also been diligently treating Zoe, so invested in her case that he repeatedly reaches out to Mariana to get her to visit Zoe and even writes Mariana a lengthy letter to convince her to do so??? And then a couple days after The Maidens ends, Theo is arrested???

-> But the thing I really did hate the most is how Michaelides treats his female murderers (who are both also victims themselves) as mere means to deploy a “twist”; there’s no moment spared to encourage our sympathy for Zoe, who was groomed and manipulated by the only trusted father figure in her life, and even after spending a decent amount of time getting to know Alicia via her ridiculous diary, where it’s so apparent that she’s been demeaned, objectified, manipulated, gaslit, and/or used by EVERY man in her life, she’s sent packing to spend the rest of her days in a coma… HOW much more satisfying would it have been for her to succeed in exposing Theo and reclaiming her voice? But no, she basically rolls over when he comes to finish her off (SPEAKING OF — ARE WE SUPPOSED TO BELIEVE THERE ARE NO SECURITY CAMERAS IN THIS INSTITUTE FOR THE CRIMINALLY INSANE????), writes one last diary entry, and drifts off forever. And then a couple pages of nothing later, the story is over. GOODNIGHT, ALICIA!

Both books kept me rolling throughout (by which I mean eye-rolling but also rotfl). Maybe I will check out his next effort — I’m morbidly curious what he’ll turn out. It does leave me wondering whether I should give up on thriller novels entirely, though. Are many of the weaknesses of these novels just characteristic of the genre? Maybe I'm just holding these books to unfair standards? I'm mostly only familiar with thriller films — many of which I think are amazing — but maybe you can get away with more in a film than you can in a novel.

...I really only intended to write a handful of bullet points, but more and more kept coming to mind as I wrote, to the point where subheadings became necessary. Whoopsie.

[child-of-the-nighttime-stars]

The Things I’ve Carried

Before I could even properly grasp my mother’s finger, thrust upon my shoulders was the ideology of being a miracle. It was something that lifted me up yet weighed me down all at once. It was something that I didn’t even realize I carried until much later in my life. But since I was too young and couldn’t know about this, I carried the weight of dreams filled with great ambition and the perfect life. A goal to go to college like my father before me and like my mother had dreamed to. 

As I arrived at my first day of elementary school, the weight of these dreams only grew. Along with my sparkling backpack that carried my crayons, pencils, books, and toys for show and tell, I also carried a small bag that looked like a briefcase. It was heavy to me, despite only weighing five pounds, yet I carried it with pride. For within it rested a small and very primitive laptop. To be honest, it was a little more than a lighter, digitized typewriter, but to me it was everything. This is because within that small screen and my ever-growing knowledge of how things were spelled laid the key to my self-expression. This laid down the pavement for me to travel down a digital road. A long and winding one that wore my heavy and stumbled steps down the older I got, yet to me it was natural, what I thought every child does since I still did not understand that my body wasn’t natural like all of my peers and their families. 

But as I grew, the differences began getting clearer and the weight of them began getting heavier and heavier. I shook too much and far too often. My steps were stumbled. My speech was slurred and sloshy. A lot of the kids were quick to point it out. But none of it was in my control, What bothered me the most was how these kids would ask all these questions about the bulky braces casting my legs. They were lovingly called my robot legs when I was younger and when I was asked brief questions about them. They helped me walk so I had begun to think of them as my cybernetic enhancements that were just another part of me. Even though they were carved from plaster and screws rather than breaking edge technology that went to my brain. But as my classmates began to twist their questions from marvelous curiosity to cruel mocking, the light weight of two and a half pounds on each leg began to weigh on my entire body. That uplifting load of being considered a miracle began crashing down as I began carrying the burden of knowing that I was a burden all because of my missteps on the things I could never control.

I tried to hide it. I tried to fit in. I was desperate for the relief that normalcy seemed to bring. But even when I threw away the robot legs for the constricting nature of skinny jeans, the title of outcast and burden was still thrust upon my shoulders and slashed at my heart like a dagger to the back. Only now, these titles were not only thrown mindlessly by children who don’t know the weight words can have. Many adults outside of my family cemented those titles into my brain. I could see now that their praise about me being a miracle, an inspiration, wasn’t because they saw my intelligence or my creativity to work around my problems. It was all because they thought that I was incapable of doing anything in the face of them and would never amount to anything besides simply existing. But I was furious! I wanted them to see that I was capable, that I am competent. But the weight of my lungs burning, gasping for breath that would only be wasted on the willfully ignorant, became too much.

 So I gave up. I began hiding behind a screen. The digital world was where I could hide my flaws. It was where I could hide behind a mask of normalcy, just like everyone else. But putting on this mask was not the relief I hoped it’d be. Every time I put it on, it didn’t blend with my skin, with who I was. It made me feel like a liar and those lies crushed me as the craving for acceptance and true validation became an addiction that left me unable to stand before it.

So within this digital world, I became a storyteller. I wrote short stories and poems about my feelings, about the adventures and romances I’d have with characters I felt connected to. I mean, if I could love them when no one else around them did, then maybe I was worthy of that love from someone as well? Yet still crumpled by a load of cynicism that my condition and other unsavory circumstances life had thrown on to me, my stories, although well-written for my age, were dark, bitter, and dare I say, a bit edgy. They granted temporary relief. A cathartic release of my emotions that someone could read and know how I felt. Although, in the end, I was left feeling hollow. That hollowness led to a sensation of stagnation. That stagnation is a sensation that ground my soul into ashes and didn’t have any decency to spread those ashes anywhere but the trash. At least there, I was where I belonged both in the eyes of those around me and in my own eyes as well.

But one positive thing I see now about this dark time in my life is that physically I couldn’t stay stagnant. My family was homeless and that meant I couldn’t stay in one place for too long nor could I carry much with me every time I moved. The only thing I had made sure to always have was my laptop. An upgraded one from my little digital typewriter, at a weight of seven to ten pounds, compared to the now measly five that used to be so heavy to me.

Within these transfers of homes and schools, it was the last school I was transferred to where I finally made some friends. The first one was a quiet girl named Sydney, her acceptance of my circumstances and patience with them planted the seed in reality that I was worthy of love despite them. We bonded over arts, both her visual and my written works. But what I still remember what really connected us was a hatred for P.E. class. I got hit on the head with enough volleyballs that weigh half a pound to leave a pounding weight in my head. Not only that but we also liked the same song, one that I carry within my heart to this day. The next friend I made was a year later and who I thought hated me like the rest at first, despite myself really admiring his bold style. His name is Chris. We bonded over Halloween since Sydney was the one who brought us together. That night they both helped me carry my candy bag and the beautiful gown I wore as a costume, making sure I was never left behind. I don’t think they even know that they also lifted one of the crushing weights on my back of slowing everyone down and troubling them with my stumbling steps and slowly helped me grow into a genuinely more positive person.

The third and final friend of this group that Sydney and I made through Chris was another girl named Elisa. Our first meeting was rocky since I had invited them to see me perform because I had finally grown confident enough to get back to singing and acting publicly. I was even the opening act for this show! But due to traffic, they had missed it. I was heartbroken, The anxiety of being forgotten and replaced gnawed at my bones and the weight of a heavy broken heart crumbled me to the floor when I saw them finally arrive. I was worried that I was in the wrong for being upset and that Chris and Sydney would leave me soon after this night. As for Elisa, we hadn’t met before in person, and seeing someone sob hysterically wasn’t a great first impression. Even at that moment, the fear that she wouldn’t want to be my friend mangled the confidence I had carried minutes prior. 

But they didn’t leave. Not then, not soon after, and not even all the times they could’ve. Elisa and I grew to be really close as well. She allowed me to do things that everyone before her and my other two friends forbid me from doing since they viewed me as too incompetent. I enjoyed every bit of our excursions! Even if one of them ended up with me jumping out of a treehouse and having to carry my right arm in a cast and all the soreness of doing so for several weeks after…

During this time I still continued writing on my trusty laptop, which fluctuated in upgrades, sizes, and weight. But now my writing began to reflect my true feelings and perspectives. My stories had dark moments but were not drenched in it. My poetry had begun to blossom with hopeful beauty rather than wither with the venom within my words. The weight I carried of being unworthy, unlovable, incompetent, and being a burden began to slowly fall away as I settled into a happy home and friends that truly cared about me. With the final weight being ground into ash and thrown in the trash when I realized that regardless of what ails me I am not inhuman and I’m no longer alone. Now I am strong enough to not hide away but to carry who I am and the companions I’ve made with love and pride once more...

[intjmd]

Types of INTP

As many of you may have noticed, INTPs come in different flavors. Some of my closest friends are INTPs, and I have noticed some differences between them that I have not spotted in other types (ENFPs seem more homogeneous to me, I know a bunch and they have basically the same values, outlooks on life and even similar (or the same) interests). In consequence, I have decided to classify my beloved INTP to see if we can understand this better (or even arrive to the conclusion that some of my friends are mistyped). After thinking for a while, I have decided to keep it simple and describe only two different types or INTPs. I know it’s not enough, but I don’t have all the information that I would need to make an accurate description of other subtypes of INTPs (I think there might be at least another one). Feel free to comment, add or correct anything you may find here. Let’s go.

INTP 1 - AKA Chill INTP :

Looks/vibes:

This INTP looks like the most carefree person alive. Seriously. They are often cute and definitely have their style. Why do they say that INTP have a horrible fashion sense, then? Well, it’s just that their style is not the conventional style. They can be obsessed with certain parts of their bodies (e.g. perfect nails) and completely neglect others. Or they can aspire to look in a certain way (kawaii, really kawaii) that could look inappropriate in someone their age. They don’t care. They dress as they want, ignoring other wishes and advice. And sometimes it works out. 

In general, they look rather sociable and happy. Try approaching them and you may be surprised. Sometimes, Chill looks even dreamy and you can tell they are fantasizing about having a dragon pet or whatever.

Habitat:

They dwell in their rooms and when they go out, they wish they were on their room. This type of INTP has watched more than 50 TV shows this last year, and probably reads a lot of fanfic. Their room is their sanctuary and is often filled with the interests of the owner, packed with action figures, tech, their clothes or maybe some painting that they did years ago and didn’t want to throw out.

Personality and interests:

Chill INTP is curious. He/She/That thing over there is an INTP after all. They remind me of  an ENFP (Ne here) because the way they talk about about their passions and dreams. To put it bluntly: they can’t talk about a single topic for more than five minutes before changing the subject to something different. They do this with a bubbly/excited look and act like everything is possible for them (but then they are “too lazy” for achieving said dreams) (this has literally been said by two of them so it’s not an insult). 

This Chill INTP loves series, fanfics, memes and the Internet as a concept. They have mastered every single shortcut of their computer and act like it’s part of their bodies.

Although Chill INTP looks approachable, they hate small talk and are very shy and private. Above all, they have trouble initiating conversations. If you befriend them, though, they will open up and flood you with an unending stream of ideas.

Academics: Chill is smarter than the average person, but also lazier than the average person. What’s worse, they know that they are smart and sometimes (only with their closest friends) can brag about it. While it’s true that they are bright and have no trouble understanding complex topics (actually the more abstract, the better), they lack motivation and often procrastinate. Sometimes, usually in hight school exams, they are able to successfully wing it and get good grades with almost zero effort. They will still whine a bit after getting an 8 in some subject that they didn’t even read, though. However, this “luck” (talent, actually, it’s raw intelligence plus a little bit of rhetorics and an innocent look) doesn’t last forever.

In the end, no matter how academically talented Chill may be, after missing a thousand classes and studying for maybe ten seconds, Chill fails. Hard. Usually for the first time in University. But it’s not that they can’t do it, it’s just that they don’t want to put in the effort right now. Maybe later.

Personal opinion:

This INTP is reaaaally fun to hang out with (I’m an INTJ, maybe we click because of that). They are witty, punny and can cheer you up with their innocence or random remarks. In addition, they get sarcasm (THANK YOU) and are not afraid of saying something regarded as “insensitive” if it’s true. This Chill INTP can be a bit stubborn, and will not change their behavior even if they admit it’s damaging them. 

Overall, they are nice and don’t ask for much attention.  

P.S: Chill INTP is NOT chill all the time. They can have breakdowns where all of their frustration gets out and they can cry in disappointment because the are not living up to their own standards. The agony disappears after a while, and they come back to their laptop and keep scrolling with a smile on their faces.

INTP 2 - AKA  NERDY INTP:

Looks/vibes:

Nerdy INTP does not care at all about how they look. It’s a practical question, not a fashion contest, and they are going to pick anything as long as it covers the parts of their body that can’t be publicly shown. The plainer, the better, this way they can combine anything in their wardrobes.

Also, this INTP does not look “chill” at all. It’s more like a quiet fragile serenity that could explode anytime. There is a difference there. Chill INTP is very comfortable anywhere, even in the midst of a crowd, they just do their own thing and ignore everyone. Nerdy INTP is watching over you, analyzing your patterns and thinking, always thinking. This INTP is full of anxiety and is shyer than chill INTP. And when they are looking at a wall they are either thinking hard about the wall itself (colour, texture, design) or totally lost inside some theory inside their mind. The thing is that you know that they are questioning things.

Habitat:

Their rooms, but with zero clutter. It’s not minimalism, it’s a prison cell with the occasional coffee machine. They have a laptop, books and a bed, but that’s all. This INTP lives in his head, not on Earth. That’s why they don’t mind going outside, but they do this to think elsewhere, not to be elsewhere. Their heads are a mystery, I would describe them if I could.

Personality and interests:

Nerdy is not merely curious, Nerdy is utterly obsessed with knowledge and the truth. This means that they can research a single topic for like 40 hours nonstop and speak about it too, getting deeper and deeper and finding internal contradictions between the different sources until you (random listener) can no longer know anything. But they really understand it, and it just comes easy for them. They can keep their concentration forever and ever until their body stops working and they get into a random nap. Then they jump to the topic again.

Nerdy likes talking about different subjects. Unlike Chill, once Nerdy chooses ONE topic, he will remain in that area until nothing more can be said (which is approximately never) or until the other person changes the topic. Nerdy also strongly prefers one to one conversations, while Chill can manage up to four/five people at the same time. 

In short, Nerdy seems much more focused and driven than Chill, but they are not natural achievers (#goalz #checklists) like an INTJ. Instead, they seek pure knowledge for the sake of it, to deepen their understanding of the world. They don’t need to change it, they just think that it’s interesting to dive into the most obscure and complex topics and master them. Their thirst is not for power but for wisdom.  

Nerdy is as Internet addicted as Chill but it’s easier to find them looking for papers than watching Netflix on their own. They have three or four series that they love but they are usually complex (picture high fantasy) and the things they read are not the cliché YA novels in which Chill tends to indulge more.

Academics:

If Nerdy has chosen a career that sparks his interests, he will do great in his knowledge field. At least, Nerdy will spend hours and hours reading about this topic and becoming an expert. They will understand EVERYTHING and create a sort of “mind map” in their minds (just a map, then) with concepts and their connections. Nerdy is a bit lazy too, but their curiosity and intellect alone if directed towards the adequate career can take them to the top (or at least they are not whining at the bottom as sometimes Chill does).

Even if both Chill and Nerdy feel incompetent, Chill actually puts 3/10 effort and ends up getting a 5. Nerdy studies a lot (maybe not the most important things, they will probably get lost in the interesting bits) and try to do their best. Even if their results are great, they will feel as if they had failed because they are too perfectionistic. 

To sum up, they work harder and get more results than Chill, but also set higher standards for themselves, which leads them to often overexert themselves and have higher levels of anxiety. This is why they do nOT look so chill.

Personal opinion:

For me, Nerdy feels like a caffeinated, stronger, sharper version of Chill. Maybe a little more hopeless and cynic, maybe more concerned with astrophysics than the newest One Piece episode. If Chill was fun, Nerdy is a hundred times funnier. However, Nerdy is also incapable of small talk (Chill knows how to, he just doesn’t want to do it and tries to avoid it) and has more trouble meeting new people. This INTP is only capable of speaking logically, and will destroy you incoherent arguments in seconds (yeah, every conversation feels like a debate). If you show any weakness, they will show no mercy.  This side of them can bore or get tiresome for the more dictatorial (Nerdy will call out your bullshit, authority means nothing), harmony loving (debates are just debates, no feelings involved) (however, if you think that disagreeing equals hating each other, you are so fucked here) or happy-go-lucky (”Don’t think and be happy”) types. 

If you are not ready to do some mental exercise, then leave alone Nerdy and go back to Instagram. If you go, try to chatter with Nerdy and then disregard all his ideas/hypothesis/arguments and it gets upset, you are a mere asshole. I actually love Nerdy INTP and think that his brain should be protected as World Heritage.

Things both (I think all INTP) subtypes have in common:

Curiosity about the most random things.

They hate small talk and initiating conversations.

They are so much fun for an INTJ.

They can be very insensitive when talking to other people (not a big bother for an NT)

All energy is redirected to their heads, their bodies are nOT fully operative.

They are always up for: COFFEEE, films or going to a new restaurant. 

People love them and they don’t want to admit it.

They feel different but never complain about it (and never flaunt it as a virtue).

They have meltdowns and they saw them coming.

They love the Internet.

Kinky. Very specific kinks and you can’t kinkshame them. It’s better to join them.

They look innocent, like sweet cinnamon rolls but they are not.

P.S:

Maybe these two types are not well described and some of you think that Chill is just more well, relaxed Nerdy. Or that Nerdy has more willpower than Chill. I don’t know. I honestly think that both have different manifestations of the INTP functions and they are true INTP regardless of their differences. I also think that both are fun, smart and can become great friends. 

P.S2:

@intp-the-thinker​ @intpmd this is for both of you, feel free to abort this unborn theory/hypothesis.

[lisinfleur]

Surprise, surprise!

Hey guys!

This month I saved this sweet surprise for you all. Believe me, it was a surprise for me as well. I never thought it could happen someday and to have this content to offer you guys is really something impressive and almost unbelievable to me.

I have been working hard on edits and fictions all this time to provide the events from the "Uncrowned King's Thursday" to the "5 Crowns Weekend" and, somehow, it filled my life with joy, so add this small interview as a part of this event - especially for THIS prince you all know is my favorite haha - is something very special and a huge gift. Maybe the hugest a fan could ever get from its idol.

Well, let me stop the rounds and rounds and tell you what this surprise is all about: dear David Lindström agreed in answering some questions for me to publish here, for you guys!

We all know our sweet bardic prince launched on July 12 the first single of his album to come, a beautiful song named "Autumn". If you didn't hear it yet, you're losing a hit! However, I didn't lose time and pre-saved my single and my chance to have this amazing content for you guys!

Enjoy!

Image source: Instagram (@dalindstrom, credits to the owner)

Me: First of all, and once again, thank you for this amazing opportunity! Considering this small article will be published in an event about Sigurd, I would like to start with a few questions related to him if you allow me. Would you mind telling us a bit of what was the meaning of this character in your life as an actor? How did it contribute to your professional career, acting style, and personal life?

David: My pleasure! Obviously, the role of Sigurd has been extremely important for my career, giving me exposure and resources that I would otherwise never have had at this point which in turn has made possible almost everything I do today. But it was actually the process around getting the role that impacted me the most personally and that has affected the way I approach acting, music, and life in general. Here’s the story: When I got to the open audition for the sons of Ragnar at 07:30 in Stockholm there was already a line outside the building with 200 giant dudes in a Ragnar mohawk, each and every one having about as much mass in their beards as I had in my entire body at that point. I realized that I was never going to get the job by competing with these guys on who’s the biggest, baddest warrior so if I were going to do this at all I’d have to take a different approach. I had the belief that even in the Viking age not everyone could have been the giant beasts that we associate them with, so what if I could present a character that was a little more sensitive, slender and insecure? Even better, what about a Viking in his awkward teenage phase, gradually growing into the legend he would later be known as? I took a shot and was told from the start that I was unlikely to get the part, but there was something interesting in my interpretation so I was still brought back repeatedly up until the final audition in Ireland. At this point, I was auditioning both for the role of Sigurd and Ivar, with the latter having a flamboyance and hubris that was suppressed in Sigurd. When all was done Travis Fimmel and Alexander Ludwig came into the room for a group shot, during which I awkwardly waved to the camera and was promptly called out by Travis and told that I could forget landing the role. I’ll admit that I believed him, and part of me would continue to believe him all the way through filming and even long after. But what was so special about the whole thing was that from the very first second I was put in a situation where I was forced to believe that I had something unique to bring to the table, if I didn’t go all in on embracing my differences I could as well forget it. So, whereas I’d never normally trust my instincts and go out on a limb that way, when that became the only option, I had a chance to see for myself that it can be worth it. Ever since, I try my best to remember how hopeless it all seemed until it suddenly worked out, and that no matter how inferior and incompetent we feel at times, it’s our unique combination of flaws that make us valuable, exciting and irreplaceable.

Me: We’re a large community of Vikings fans, passionate about the series, their actors, and everything related to the world your talent helped to bring for us. This community embraces the characters with such love, that many of us write fictions about the series, giving our beloved characters what we think they should achieve or deserved. How it is it for you to know there are such fanfictions and that - in a great number of them - Sigurd was described with a different ending, where his life followed the curse of history and he became a king, or he found love, had children, etc.? How does it feel for you to know so many people wanted a better life and a sweet ending for your character?

David: It’s incredibly humbling to see the passion and investment that so many of you put into the character’s fate. It’s a hard feeling to describe, but it’s sort of just the reassurance of having a whole bunch of great artists on your side. Even though the reason behind Sigurd’s fate has been somewhat explained to me, I can’t honestly say that it’s a decision that I really agree with. Of course, Hirst does a job writing the show that I can’t imagine many others could, and it’s crucial for a good story that the writer’s vision takes precedence over the actors getting what they want. That said, it’s obviously no question that I personally would have wanted more time to release what I’d built up, and for Sigurd’s coming of age-arch to be completed. When I was told what was going to happen, I actually felt I had to get involved with making suggestions to Hirst for the remaining scenes to get some sort of closure, which can be seen in Sigurd being noticeably more proactive and confrontational towards the end. The fact that so many in the community seem to have similar ideas and feelings on the subject means more than you’d really believe. Still, we should never underestimate the impact that a story can get out of an uncompleted pattern, maybe it’s better that Sigurd left us wanting more rather than outliving our interest for him. But there’s so much good writing in the community that I wouldn’t be surprised if some of it became a great screenplay of its own.

Me: Despite the huge project Vikings represented for us or the fact that many of us came to know you because of Sigurd, you worked in different projects on Swedish television, theatre, and other fields. Would you mind talking about some of these projects for us? Something you recommend for your new fans?

David: I’d love to! The part I’m proudest of is probably Simon in the TV series “Blue Eyes”. It was my first major professional role and I was overjoyed to receive such a well written, complexly human character that I felt really fit my style. The filming was also incredibly fun, I was warmly welcomed into the business and had great guidance from a number of caring directors and while I was personally going through a major heartbreak at the time, I had the opportunity to make use of those emotions and grow both artistically and personally. The series itself is a great political drama that mirrors the ideological situation that much of the world was dealing with at the time in a way that I thought was both insightful and thrilling.

Image source: Google Images (credits to the owner)

Me: Now, speaking of your present life, you changed your focus from acting to your musician self, now gifting us with this amazing work that's your soon-to-come album. What is the meaning of this project to your life as an artist?

David: I’ve probably always seen myself as a musician more than anything else, and although acting has been another one of my favourite things since long before I got paid for it, my go-to source of expression has always been music. I’ve loved sharing musical ideas with my close friends and processing life through song writing, and few things have been as exciting as finding someone willing to give my stuff a listen. Landing a record deal like the one I have means the sudden realization of so much that had only been fantasy before, and it’s been surreal to see this imagined world take shape. But that’s still something I’ve had more than a year to prepare for. What I could never prepare for was the reception we’ve had so far. I know that I tend to not expect things to go very well, but even when I allowed myself to dream big, I thought that it would take Autumn a year to get where it’s now at after a month. It’s once again the feeling of being surrounded by incredible people giving incredible support, and there’s nothing quite as uplifting as the feeling of being in such good company.

Me: I'm a writer myself. And to compose my text works, I usually have some sources of inspiration like listening to some specific musicians and music styles, reading books related to the work I want to compose, etc. What are your inspiration sources when composing your songs?

David: Of course, my main source of influence is other music, and that would mostly be my favourite artists such as anything Julian Casablancas, Muse, Kent, MGMT and Lars Winnerbäck, as well as the classical music of Chopin, Liszt and Rachmaninoff. I love anything with great lyrics or big melodies. I’m also lucky enough to live with one of the most creative people I know, so I always run my ideas past her when I’m stuck or unsure, but the ideas can really come from anywhere. If I come across a story, place, picture or anything that resonates with me it usually has something special when it comes to structure, dynamics or flavor that I can try to apply on what I’m working on, so I find that really just living life and being aware of the world around me gives me more than enough input without having to actively pursue it. However, if I’m working towards a deadline, I find it most effective to take an idea that I already like and either jam with it or elaborate on it until it’s become something else. In either case it’s important to remember that the majority of creative work is just finding out what doesn’t work, so no effort is ever really wasted. I sometimes task myself with writing 10 songs that I think are shit, because even if I’m right 90% of the time that will still leave me with a good one.

Image source: Spotify (Autumn, 2019)

Me: Dayfelice. At the pre saving of your album's first single "Autumn", we saw the album was signed "by Dayfelice". I already know this is a new artistic name, but how did you come up with the idea and what’s the meaning of this name you chose, in your personal view?

David: It’s a stylized version of my first names “David Felix”. When I make music, I try to liberate it from trends or expectations when it comes to genre and sound, and to end up in a space where the song’s emotion, narrative, and imagery can really shape it without limits. So, most of the songs are very different from each other, but they center around an emotional, cinematic larger-than-life style, and I wanted to signal that with an artist name that had a romantic, elevated feel without saying too much else. Something that could be either a band or an artist of any gender, as well as something that just sounds good.

Me: I’ll never be tired to thank you for this amazing moment! Would you like to leave a message to the fan community of Tumblr and Vikings' fans that will reach this work?

David: I know it's cliché, but I genuinely just want to thank you all for your amazing support. I want you to know that I see your comments, I read your messages and it truly means a lot be surrounded by such a smart, progressive and kind community. Stay awesome and take care of each other.

Well, that's it, guys! The apex of what a fan could get and one more of the thousands of reasons why David became one of my favorite artists in this world: his sweetness and kindness towards his fans is admirable such as his talent and beautiful work. A complete artist bringing to us not only our sweet and beloved prince Sigurd but also lots of amazing works and new songs for us to enjoy!

Thank you one more time for your gentleness, dear David, and for you guys, thank you for bringing me the courage to go there and get this for us! I hope 

Do you like my work? Support me!

Tagged ones:

|| @directionlessbuthappy || @akamaiden || @bang-kim-bap || @cris101071 || @solveigs-temple || @volvas-temple || @alicedopey || @captstefanbrandt || @queen-see-ya-in-valhalla || @lol-haha-joke || @normatural || @readsalot73 || @shutter-bug124 || @rekdreams247 || @slutforasoldier || @naaladareia || @laketaj24 || @therealcalicali || @grungyblonde || @honestsycrets || @rabeccablake || @2thequietone4 || @blackspiritshake || @vikingsbifrost || @sincerelysinister || @harringtonsbaseballbat || @lyanna-the-giantsbane || @isthat-tyra98 || @xinyourdreamsx || @medievalfangirl || @queenbeeta || @snake-eye-blaeja || @thiahilmarsdottir ||

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[whatsthecraicwithvideogames]

My Definitive Ranking Of All 21 Confidants in Persona 5 (yep it’s a list you just gotta deal)

Persona 5 has some of the best characters in any game I've ever played. Over the 100 hours spent in the game, a lot of these characters are significantly fleshed out and you feel a genuine bond with them. Some not so much. So, because the world needed it so much, here is my official 100% accurate ranking of all those characters. No debate needed. This is the only ranking you will ever need. Enjoy.

21 Yuuki Mishima

Mishima seems to think that just because he figured out that you were a Phantom Thief that he is entitled a spot in your friend group.No. GET YOUR OWN FRIENDS MISHIMA. There are plenty of characters less interesting than Mishima, but none that annoyed me more. It may be completely unjustified, but I just need him out of my life. More specifically, I need him out of my hotel room in Hawaii. Go home, Mishima. No one wants you here.

20 Toranosuke Yoshida

The main issue that afflicts the majority of the people at the bottom of the list is dullness and being underdeveloped. Yoshida happens to be the former. Maybe it's just because I'm young and ignorant, but when I'm trying to save the world from its inevitable ruin, I'm not really all that interested in a disgraced politician. Call me simple minded.

19 Chihaya Mifune

Now we come to the underdeveloped. Although it must be said that Chihaya could have had an amazing storyline that I just didn't see, as her character was so one note and uninteresting that I became equally uninterested in what was going on with her and I didn't pay a whole lot of attention. So I apologize if I've missed an amazing character, but she should have made a better impression sooner.

18 Shinya Oda

I have little feelings towards Shinya. He's a little higher on the list due to his storyline being a bit sympathetic but there isn't really much to his character other than the fact that he's a kid who's good at a video game. I was invested in making sure that he got fed, but that's about as far as it goes.

17 Munehisa Iwai

I am currently holding a bit of a grudge against Iwai at the minute, as he was the only confidant I didn't manage to max out on my new game plus run, basically meaning I wasted about an extra 70 hours BUT HEY. That's not his fault. He also suffers from side character dullness, but he gets bumped up the list a bit because we had a lot of weird dates together that I'll never forget. What other game allows you to go to the planetarium and an all you can eat buffet with a yakuza member? In Persona 5, even the boring characters have something to offer. Some more than others.

16 Igor

There isn't really much to say about Igor to be honest. Of all the people on this list, he’s the one you have the least opportunity to get to know, but there's just something about him. Maybe it's his nose? Or perhaps the eyebrows? Either way, I like his style and he managed to crawl up a few spaces.

15 Haru Okumura

We arrive at another character who took a little while to grow on me. Originally I thought she was just as boring as Makoto, but at least Haru has some semblance of a personality. She's awfully sweet and her storyline is very sympathetic. She struggles under the weight of her responsibility to run a company, and is conflicted by her arranged marriage to a man she has no interest in. I felt genuinely invested in making sure she was okay and safe, even if her metaverse outfit is a bit dumb. Nobody's perfect.

14 Ichiko Ohya

If you're not familiar with Ohya, just imagine a really incompetent Jessica Jones and you're pretty much there. Meaning, she's drunk all the time. She drinks away the guilt she harbours from losing her best friend on the job, but she still remains a fierce journalist who doesn't crack under pressure and is determined to find out the truth. She just happens to smell like gin while she's doing it.

13 Sae Niijima

Sae is cool in the most normal way that you'll find in Persona 5. She's a prosecutor, working against against all odds to become the top in her field. She may have been working slightly against us in the beginning, but she was a formidable foe; working with an open mind and a level head, she eventually began to believe our stories about our time with the Phantom Thieves. Sae is rad without needing a cool outfit (@Makoto) and we should all be more like her.

12 Makoto Niijima

I'm not even going to apologise. Makoto just barely made it above her much more impressive sister, and the only reason she did is because her whole deal in the metaverse is pretty badass. However, and let me say this loud for you Makoto, just because your persona is a motorcycle, DOES. NOT. MAKE. YOU. THE BOSS. Once she joins your team, every plan comes from her, even though I am the leader of the Phantom Thieves. I have tried really quite hard to understand why everybody loves Makoto so much. I even romanced her on my second playthrough so I could get a different perspective on her. It helped nothing. I really tried to give her the benefit of the doubt, but anywhere outside of the metaverse, she is dull and boring. Number 1 Waifu she is not, I'm afraid.

11 Hifumi Togo

Before Futaba came along, I was all set to romance Hifumi. To be fair I felt she was the best of a bad bunch, but let that not detract from her good qualities. She's a shogi master (or at least she thinks she is), and yet she still struggles with something that a lot of us can identify with: she is desperately trying to live up to her mother's unachievable high expectations. All Hifumi wants is to play shogi, and when she plays shogi, she plays shogi. She's a bit crazy but we love her anyway, and there's no one else I’d rather play shogi in a church with. Now just to figure out what shogi actually is…

10 Morgana

What would a JRPG be without a resident weird humanoid animal thing? Mediocre, that's what. Morgana is an integral part to the whole structure of the game, in more ways than one. Without him, our character would have no idea about how anything works in the Metaverse. Yes, he can be literally the most irritating presence on the planet whenever I'm trying to go out and Morgana is telling me to go to bed (YOU’RE NOT THE BOSS OF ME MORGANA), but deep down I know he's doing it out of love. Sometimes I wish Morgana loved me a little less but hey, you can't pick your family.

9 Goro Akechi

Okay, look. I know what you're thinking. Akechi is a little bit problematic. I know this. But he's just so adorable before all that! That's pretty much that only reason I have for having him so far up the list. His little face in his character profile is just so cute that you can't help but love him. Also the way he yells ‘PERSONAAAAAAGHHHH’ is badass and I can't hear it enough times. I forgive the Ace Detective of all crimes he has committed.

8 Futaba Sakura

A couple of months ago, Futaba would most likely have topped my list. She was the first girl I romanced in Persona 5. I had spent the whole game waiting for someone to come along and sweep me off my (digital) feet. It was beginning to look like I was going to have to settle with Hifumi- and then Futaba came along. She was a hacker and a gamer: my perfect waifu. Her romancing scenes are very sweet and I remained enamoured with her throughout my whole playthrough. After playing new game plus that changed. I went in with the intention of romancing someone different, and boy is Futaba different without those rose tinted glasses on. Her inability to do anything on her own is, while understandable, it's frustrating at best. She's still pretty high on the list though, as I'll never forget our time together, and also she's saved me countless times during combat that she will forever be elevated to God tier in the Metaverse. I owe her a debt I can never repay.

7 Tae Takemi

I won't lie to you. A lot of Takemi’s charm and appeal lies in her character design. The idea of a cool, punk rock doctor who supplies us with our own extreme healing products is great. Even better is that she's got the attitude to match. Confident in her skills but still dating enough to go rogue and have you be her guinea pig for new medicines she's developing, Takemi is a doctor you would want as a friend, but DEFINITELY not treating you. Unless you enjoy drinking mysterious liquids and passing out for hours on end. In which case be my guest.

6 Sadayo Kawakami

Ah, Kawakami. She sure does have it rough. Teacher by day, maid by night, she's a very sympathetic character, although she may not start out that way. At first glance she just seems like your typical extremely incompetent teacher- which she is. However the deeper into her storyline you go, the more you start to understand why she is the way she is. She ends up being quite a sweet person, not to mention her skills enable you to have more of the most important resource in Persona 5: time. Coincidentally, that's the one thing it takes for her to grow on you. Just give her a couple of days, and you'll learn to love her for who she is. A hot mess.

5 Sojiro Sakura

I don't think it’s an overstatement to say that the entire plot of the game would not have happened if not for Sojiro. For some unexplained reason, he agrees take in our main character who has just been put on parole, and it's that act that eventually brings our whole crew together. Even when he discovers that he has a phantom thief right under his roof, he sticks by you and even lets you hold meetings right there in his café. He goes from standoffish jerk to ‘dad we never had’ in a beautiful transformation that is one of the best progressions of a relationship in the game. If it wasn’t for his curious combination of coffee and curry for breakfast every morning, there's no way we could have completed our rehabilitation and saved the world from ruin. Sojiro literally saved the entire world (don't question it he totally did).

4 Ann Takamaki

Of all the characters on this list, Ann is the one that surprised me the most. She's pretty, blonde and a model. In video games, TV, movies; these things tend to be a placeholder for a personality, so really I expected nothing more from Ann: and boy did she prove me wrong. She is kind, loyal and is extremely strong willed. She suffered through sexual harassment at the hands of her teacher, her best friend's attempted suicide, and the her career as a model being sabotaged by a spiteful competitor. Through it all, however, she remains a positive force on the team and one of your characters closest friends from beginning to end. We all deserve someone like Ann in our lives.

3 Yusuke Kitagawa

Yusuke is another character that I love purely because every conversation with him is golden, particularly when leveling up your relationship with him. Throughout his journey to find himself as an artist, I joined him at an art exhibit, a romantic boat ride on a lake, and I posed as our Lord and Savior himself Jesus Christ on the crucifix as a way to inspire the creativity within Yusuke. Some may say that Yusuke’s best quality is his voice, but those people simply can't appreciate what he brings to the table and I simply have no time for them. He is a rare flower and I will defend him at every given opportunity.

2 Caroline and Justine (The Wardens)

Before starting my new game plus playthrough, these girls wouldn't have even been on this list, because I had no idea that they were even confidants until my second time around. The way you level up your confidant ranking with them is by fusing personas with a certain ability, per their request. The only thing I dislike about that is that you don't get to spend as much time with them as I'd like. They are both as entertaining as they are enigmatic, and though it may seem strange to have them so high up, everytime I brought them a new persona, they stole a little bit more of my heart. By force. They demanded I give it to them. But it still counts all the same.

1 Ryuji Sakamoto

I don't care what anyone says, this game would not be half as interesting or funny without Ryuji in it. There are a lot of people who would probably put Ryuji last on this list, due to his loud nature and penchant for yelling in public about how you and all your friends are the Phantom Thieves. But that's all part of his charm! Ryuji owes a lot of his likeability to his voice actor, Max Mittelman, as he somehow manages to be comically over the top while still remaining believable for his character. There are multiple times during the game where you'll have to pick who to hang out with at certain story moments, with the intention really being that you hang out with the girl you're romancing, but every single time I chose Ryuji. Every situation with him is comedy gold. Ryuji will forever be my number 1, and nobody will ever change my mind on that.

[malachitelibrary]

Reiki: What happens with a bad attunement, and what can I do to avoid it?

Not all attunements are good. But what happens with a bad attunement?

First of all, what happens with an attunement, what IS an attunement?

What happens with an attunement is that it develops your energy system to have channels for certain kinds of energy to travel along. Attunements can also sometimes connect you to (theoretically) endless sources of energy, such as how reiki connects someone to the reiki source.  So, what happens in a reiki attunement is that you open up a connection to the source of reiki so that (unless blocked/damaged somehow) you will never run out of reiki energy in your body. Reiki channels are also formed everywhere in your body so that you can send reiki easily. Channels specific to energy sensing are also grown/improved.

All of this development is fueled by the reiki source and the reiki you are given.

Okay, so what happens with a bad attunement?

Energetically:

If your connection to the reiki source is shitty, what happens is that the channels grow and develop, yes, but since the connection to the reiki source is shit, you won't pull energy from the source and instead will "run out" of reiki energy in your body. Once this happens, the attunement will begin pulling from your energy in an attempt to complete itself. This hurts a lot. Additionally, sending reiki to yourself to complete the attunement will be extremely difficult, so if you don’t have a reiki buddy to call on (whether a friend, another student, or your master)...good fuckin luck dude, you’re gonna feel shit for a while. Additionally x2, your reiki channels need to be sustained by flow from the source of reiki energy. Without this source your attunement may weaken, or worst case scenario lose your attunement over time. 

Channels may be incomplete or undeveloped. This results in weak, pathetic, and/or bad quality reiki energy. 

Incomplete/Underdeveloped channels may disintegrate with time, causing you to “lose” your attunement (especially if your source connection is shit). 

An attunement from someone who’s energy clashes with yours could cause “fighting” against the reiki energy; your original energy system attempts to reject the reiki/the energy from the master because it sees it as harmful (if it’s fighting it, it likely is though there are ways to handle this so you do not have to get rid of the attunement/reiki channels entirely.) 

An attunement may rush to completion, causing tangles with other energy channels in your body. This may cause problems with those other channels as well.

Feelings-wise:

If the reiki has run out and is pulling energy from your body, you WILL feel like utter shit. It’s a certain whole body pain that feels markedly different from physical pain but still hurts a ton. It feels more “internal” or on “a different layer” from physical pain; this is because the pain is felt in your energetic or astral bodies. This will feel similar to if a spirit is draining your energy non-consensually and going way overboard. 

Obviously this should be considered AFTER you’ve made sure it’s not from any physical, mental, or emotional issues

Ability-wise: You may have trouble doing any kinds of energy work; raising energy, sensing, sending, and receiving energy may all become difficult Spellwork may become difficult

What can make an attunement worse/lower the quality of the attunement/#JustShitReikiMasterThings?

Your reiki master does not know energy work, or only knows the very very basics and no intermediate/advanced material.

 Advanced/Intermediate defined as: Forming energy grids, reading/healing energy systems (simply KNOWING a style of energy systems such as the chakra system and BEING ABLE TO PERCEIVE someone’s energy system in real-time are two entirely different things), distance energy healings, and anything else you can think of that you’d need prior energy work knowledge/experience to be able to do. 

      Another reason knowledge of energy work is important because in the case this happens, they may either 1) not believe you whether due to ignorant fluffy beliefs(“Ummm reiki is ONLY beneficial and NEVER harmful sweaty, what are you talking about it’s impossible to get harmed!! Namaste!!! uwu”) or ignorant lack of info beliefs (“Ummm I don’t think this is possible just because it’s never happened to me [and my clients haven’t had the energy work skills to tell this was happening either]”) or 2) not have the skill to help you (if they don’t have distance reiki experience, or can’t read energy systems, etc)  

Your reiki master gives you the attunement and does not: 1) give you reiki for an extended period of time afterwards (preferably at least 30 minutes minimum), and/or 2) have everyone in your class send reiki to each other for at least half an hour. Note that just giving the attunement itself is usually only about a 5 minute process, but the main/largest energy system developments can take as short as an hour, or several weeks depending on how much reiki you are given to supply that development. There is also a theory that addresses the system developments: it takes at least 3 days to move through each chakra/energy point which is why you should take at least 21 days between level 1 and level 2 for the energy to have worked its way through your whole system. And why you want at least 6 months between level 2 and level 3. After master level you will always be dealing with the energy constantly cycling through you to clear out and develop your reiki system (ty @crystalwitch-in-the-tardis!) 

You clash with the rest of your reiki master’s energy signature/their overall energy. My guys, when someone attunes you they’re going to be messing with your energy on a very in-depth level. If their energy hurts you or doesn’t feel good in some way, it’s going to hurt a looooooooot more when they attune you. You may say, “but won’t they be attuning me with just reiki energy?” Technically, yes you’re right, that’s what’s SUPPOSED to happen. HOWEVER, what happens in reality is that reiki gets colored by someone’s energy; it gets snippets, or maybe much larger than “snippets” if their channels don’t have the proper valves to prevent energy mixing. So when they send reiki to you/do your attunement, in addition to reiki you may be getting a good deal of their other energies as well.

Your master doesn’t know jack shit about reiki. A reiki MASTER, not knowing reiki? It’s more likely than you think. HHHHHHhhuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuugh. Uuughhhhhhhhhhhhh. uuuuuuAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAnyways it’s really common. Yeah. Someone who jumped all the way to Master without doing research into reiki, how it works, general styles (examples: Usui Shiki Ryoho, Violet Flame, Dragon Reiki, Angel Reiki, etc), traditions of reiki (western versus eastern), they don’t know how to use the symbols or have limited knowledge of their uses, etc etc.

The Reiki Master gets easily offended if you question them at all or try to learn more (ESPECIALLY if they try to use their status as a Reiki Master(™) as a way to demonstrate that They Know More Than You, You [Fucking] Novice.) This isn’t directly attunement related but it WILL matter if you get a shit attunement and need help.

Not trying to demoralize you, but incompetent reiki masters are the most common ones unfortunately. Do your research and ask plenty of questions.

This is really scary!! What can I do about it/How realistically should I worry? 

Well, to find a good Reiki Master, do the opposite of the above! I assume you have sufficient brainpower and I was thorough enough that you can figure those out. But in addition to those:

Don’t whack on finding someone over the internet. A super amazing attunement done over a distance is going to be better than an average or even shit attunement done in person. (Also, there’s a symbol specifically for distance reiki/attunements so do not fret!) Look for photos or videos of them doing reiki on others; if you can sense reiki energy from the video (and it WILL be noticeable if they are the real deal) then it ups their chances of being legit. Visually (with your third eye and not your physical eyes of course), they will glow, the recipient will glow, their hands will glow and oftentimes, similar to a glowstick, if they’re drawing symbols you’ll see after shades of the symbol. If pictures aren’t an option, you should be able to tell by their knowledge. (Do study up on reiki on your own...I don’t plan on being an all-inclusive guide anytime soon lol.)

What makes a shit attunement more bearable?

You have energy similar to reiki; usually energy derived from earthen sources such as plant energy, fae energy, lots of water, earth, or air, energy of any other nature spirits, light energy, holy/divine; generally “light” or earthen considered energies.

You have energy work skills (go you!) or your friends have energy work skills and could help out. 

Your friends have reiki skills and could help out. 

Your reiki master is open-minded and can help you. 

It’s not your first reiki attunement ever. 

It’s a higher level (Reiki II and III and/or Master would be more bearable as you at least have reiki channels in the first place.)

What makes a shit attunement worse?  

You have dissimilar energy to reiki; usually non-earthen sources such as void energy, void-aligned demon energies, eldritch (ESPECIALLY if you have the darker/more intense strains….hooooo boy).***

Tfw no energy work or reiki friends, and shit master

It’s your first reiki attunement ever*** (Explanation below)

***THESE TWO ARE THE LARGEST FACTORS. If you have these two factors...man. Phew. It’s a trip (this is what happened to me… ;v; )

To end this article, I want you to know that unless you fit those two Largest Factors it probably won’t be that terrible. Note that a lot of this applies to your very first attunement ever. In follow-up attunements it likely will not be anywhere as terrible. Your first attunement is the most important one as you’re getting the ability to do and send reiki for the first time ever. If your first attunement does end up being shitty, don’t lose hope because it CAN be fixed! Again, with the right preparations and a skilled reiki master, a terrible attunement will be the exception and not the rule. If you have a great master, one that fits all the above stuff and more, you will have nothing to worry about!!

Suggested Reading on Reiki:

Reiki for Life by Quest

The Reiki Sourcebook

The Big Book of Reiki Symbols

The Original Reiki Handbook of Dr. Mikao Usui

[frozen-delight]

Meta: Down in the Muck - Mr Ketch, Dean and Masculine Hunting Identities

In the past eleven seasons, SPN has mainly depicted American hunters as blue-collar workers with a very traditional view of masculinity. John Winchester with his giant machete, his penis truck and his Playboys was a perfect embodiment of said hunting culture. The British Men of Letters differ radically from this concept both in terms of socioeconomic status and in their sense of masculinity.

When Mick approaches Wally in First Blood, the latter tells him, “You can take your offer and you can shove it up your ass. I'm sure it won't be too painful,  what with those soft hands of yours, right?" The homophobic and misogynist implications here are obvious - Wally deems Mick too “effeminate”.

Mr Ketch is a slightly different case than Mick. In the latest episode, we see him actively try to refashion himself as an “American style” hunter in order to recruit Dean. Something which despite his own assessment really doesn’t go down to well.

Ketch tries to bond with Dean the way we’ve seen most hunters bond on the show - alcohol, violence, strong language and a good dose of sexism.

He peppers his speech with expressions like “bloodsucker” and “mate”, but this attempt at playing the working-class bad boy is ruined by his ridiculously posh accent. Likewise, he tries to distance himself from Lady Toni Bevell by depicting her as the epitome of a neurotic, corrupt elite. Dean’s smirk when he says that he can picture them dating speaks a different language - despite Ketch’s best efforts Dean easily identifies him as another representant of said elite; a male reincarnation of Toni Bevell.

When they go hunting vampires together, Dean comments derisively on his choice of weapon. As in the confrontation between Wally and Mick, the British approach to hunting is depicted as “effeminate”.

Hypermasculine, sexist Mr Ketch is seriously stumped by this comment, before he covers it up and asks Dean for another machete, trying to prove that he’s not scared of hand-to-hand combat, or of getting his hands dirty.

He then holds in the most erect way imaginable as he goes on to brag about his (sexual) prowess. It’s so over-the-top that like Dean I can’t refrain from rolling my eyes.

Early seasons Dean sometimes seemed silly in his desperate attempts to live up to the hypermasculine ideal John set up for him, fearing showing his fear more than the monsters trying to kill him. However, young Dean’s cocky swagger definitely pales next to the ridiculous theatrics of Mr Ketch, who after all is by no means a baby-faced man in his twenties.

When he discovers the female vampire inside, Ketch does everything in his power to show Dean that he’s every bit as badass and competent. (It’s telling how he keeps glancing at Dean to check his reactions.)

His first attempt at interrogation (pulling her hair, holding a blade to her throat) doesn’t lead anywhere.

Dean’s reaction seems to say, ‘Buddy, you’re gonna have to do better than that.’ Ketch rises to the challenge by punching the vampire. Repeatedly.

And this is where things get really interesting.

I’ve seen all sorts of posts on my dash about how kind Dean was in this scene, how his behaviour was positively feminist, how he showed the vampire girl mercy etc. etc. (This is what actually prompted me to write this little meta in the first place. Too much talk about how kind-hearted Sam or Dean are always makes me antsy. *g*)

Now, I don’t deny that there is also a difference in ethics that comes into play here. But to me the key element of Dean’s actions in the following scene is something else entirely. It’s about virility, about competition, about showing Ketch up, once and for all.

Ketch’s method of interrogation is completely ineffective and inefficient. While he’s trying to prove just how competent he is, he actually manages to do the opposite.

There’s disgust on Dean’s face when he decides to intervene, but to me he also looks impatient, fed-up, unimpressed.

What then follows is a pretty much a text book lecture 'Let me show you how real men handle this sort of thing.' It’s almost equivalent to how mercilessly Demon!Dean showed up Cole in Reichenbach, except that unlike Cole Ketch only gets a metaphorical whipping.

I don’t see kindness in Dean’s face when he crouches down in front of the vampire girl. He doesn’t ask her for her cooperation. He takes it as a given. And that slight curl to his mouth seems to say, 'I can make you do anything. You don’t stand a chance against me.'

Dean has never truly mastered the art of torturing information out of others because he’s always giving the other person way too much ammunition they can use against him. (It puzzles me why no one has ever pointed this out to him.) However, when he’s dealing with someone who lacks the psychological insight of Alastair, Gadreel or Metatron, someone who can’t look past the scary ‘I am the thing monsters have nightmares about’ façade, he’s successful enough.

Such as in this case. The vampire doesn’t even pretend that she’s got no intel to share. She drops every trace of defiance that marked her interactions with Ketch and immediately bargains for her life.

Again, I can’t say that I see kindness in Dean’s features. Instead, I see a subtle threat: 'What Ketch did to you is nothing next to what I might. So if I were you I’d take this offer, because it’s the best one you’re going to get.’

Needless to say, she believes him.

Accordingly, Mr Ketch ought to head back to his base with the proverbial tail between his legs. He’s lucky that his colleagues are so utterly incompetent at dealing with the vampire attack that this allows him to deflect from his own poor performance.

Maybe because she’s female and therefore has a slightly different outlook on hunting than her male counterparts, Mary is convinced that the way the British Men of Letters do things is “a better way”. However, in order to recruit the male American hunters, the British Men of Letters don’t need to prove they’re better - they need to prove they’re just as good (by American standards). In First Blood Mick failed to do so with Wally. In The Raid we witness Mr Ketch fail to come up to scratch in his interactions with Dean not just once, but repeatedly.

It would be interesting if this clash of masculine hunting identities led to the writers fleshing out an alternative feminine hunting culture. That could a) deepen Mary’s at the present rather stale, two-dimensional characterisation, and b) secure her place in the SPN universe. But I’ll try not to get my hopes up just yet.

[hawk-in-a-jazzy-hat]

Anime Review: When the Seagulls Cry (Umineko)

On the remote island of Rokkenjima, only accessible by ferry, the esteemed Ushiromiya family gather for important family matters. The head of the family Kinzo is dying, and his four children Rosa, Krauss, Rudolf and Eva are already in talks for the headship. Their own descendants are also present; Jessica, George, Maria and Battler. Also there are the Ushiromiya servants, and Kinzo’s longtime friend and physician, Dr Nanjo. It is a gathering of friends and family, although not everybody is as happy as their family’s status would suggest. Relationships are strained, and jealousy is rife.

Not that it will matter in the end. For Kinzo has a dark secret involving the black arts and the legendary Golden Witch, Beatrice. And, in what could be a conspiracy and what could be a game, he has locked his friends and family on the island, now inaccessible due to a typhoon, and with a murderous sorceress on the loose.

When the typhoon passes, and the seagulls cry, the Ushiromiya family will be dead.

Or will they? For there is a larger game at stake here, and one of the family may have the ability to solve the mystery and change the family’s fate for good.

In the early 2000s, an anime was released based on the popular visual novel Higurashi: When They Cry (approximately translating to When the Cicadas Cry).The anime has quickly hit cult status for its severe genre shifting between soft slice-of-life and dark, horror murder mystery. And not just once, either, since the show would flip back and forth pretty much effortlessly. Whether you like the show or not (I personally appreciate it more than I actually like it) there’s no doubt that it was very good at what it did. The writing was tight and knew exactly where it was going and which cards to hold back and show at any given time. The characters were slowly explored well using a unique plot-point that kept the stakes and the mystery up. Even the cheap art style was used remarkably effectively, with the bouncy moe girls switching back and forth between cute and axe-crazy at the drop of a hat (Higurashi Face still remains one of my favourite tropes). It’s not perfect, but it’s one of those shows that I’d recommend everybody at least watch, if only to experience it.

So given the low-key success of Higurashi, it would make sense to bring back the director, series compositor and script-writer, and the same studio do adapt the spiritual successor of the VN, Umineko: When they Cry in 2009. Surely the same skills and combination of great source and great adaptation would make for another great show...surely...

(SPOILERS: It didn’t)

Let’s start with the animation. This is a Studio DEEN effort, and...yeah, it has the look of a Studio DEEN effort. I can’t really say the animation is any worse than Higurashi; they’re both obviously budgeted shows. Nor are the character designs particularly bad, especially compared to the original VN artwork (it’s kind of a ONE deal going on where the storytelling far, FAR surpasses the presentation). What is sadly lacking here though is the direction; everything just feels very flat. Bits that are supposed to be scary just sort of hover in subspace and don’t really fit, which is bizarre because the designs are far less moe-fied than Higurashi, and yet the two aspects don’t blend anywhere near as well. Maybe the increased contrast means they fit better together? Possibly.

The music is also a little flat; none of it is bad but it’s not particularly noteworthy either. However the real standout bits of the presentation are the opening and ending themes; hooooly dang, they are cool. It’s pretty much as explicit in faux-epic as you can get but the massive Italian choirs and pumping synth orchestra is just cheesy enough to actually kind of work. The singers also help, with Akiko Shikata providing a soft and slightly sinister purveyor of oncoming tragedy in the opening, and Jimang absolutely knocking it out of the park with his booming scratchy vocals in the ending, as he lays out his plans and desires as Kinzo Ushiromiya himself. Along with bombastic visuals, it’s truly wonderful stuff that is frankly far better than the show it’s attached to.

So, that plot synopsis I gave above? Yeah...um...that’s kind of a lie. I thought that was what was going to happen, since I was expecting something along the lines of Higurashi. There’s even a similar narrative plotpoint which enables the exploration of the characters and the mystery. But there are a few key differences. For one...the hints at the supernatural in Higurashi? Yeah, they’re massively explicit here. Like...they’re not just hinted at. They are spectating the events and providing a running commentary. I’m not even lying. And you know what happens when you’re taking out from one group of characters and have somebody sit in fancy chairs and explain things? That’s right, it’s really obnoxious and confusing and boring. It’s really hard to get into anything when it gets interspersed with talking heads like a friggin’ reaction video.

But, I could have lived with that. After all, there’s still the mystery which needs to be solved, and the way to save the family of Ushiromiya...oh...wait. No. That doesn’t happen. Sorry but...instead of solving that mystery, we’re going to make another mystery. Which completely defeats the point of the first mystery. There’s a game going on between Beatrice and one of the family, in which they are trying to disprove the existence of witches.

But instead of trying to solve the ACTUAL mystery, the witch makes ANOTHER mystery where she clearly is the murder, and magic clearly exists. And once that finishes, she does it again, bringing in even more magic. In fact, the only way it’s at all possible to win against her is when another witch enters the fray and passes on knowledge and magic in order to effectively fight her (in, what I will mention, are blatant VN ‘magics’ which just feel forced and wrong). So we’ve reached the point where we’re watching several different murder mysteries going on, all with different characters and motivations, all being overseen by a witch doing it basically for shits and giggles and a guy using magic to try and disprove the use of magic.

Except we’re not, because apparently the writers don’t know how actual character development works when the guy basically ragequits the game when he realises that the murderous psycho witch was actually a murderous psycho witch...and she gets all depressed and wonders what she was doing wrong. And all the while there’s all this turmoil with the family and with the OTHER witches, and for crying out loud the show just keeps rolling out character after character and dumb plotpoint after dumb plotpoint, CONSTANTLY contradicting itself.

And all the while, the actual family members are basically acting as flesh-puppets. Some of them do get some backstory and motivation, which would be interesting and allow for a motive in order to make them both sympathetic and/or a potential culprit. But we spend so little time on them and far too much on the magical bullcrap going on around them, that they all just feel so flat and two-dimensional. And don’t get me wrong, there’s a lot of emotional baggage here, but the delivery is just so...out of place that at best it’s boring and at worst it’s downright unpleasant. And the fact that there are several different versions of these characters going on at the same time makes it very difficult to actually relate to anyone. The worst culprit is probably Maria, the creepy little girl who is so obviously evil that apparently she wasn’t in the end and is a Pure Sweet Cinnamon RollTM except she...never was. Not that it matters in the end because most people just die multiple times.

So what we have here is a murder mystery that is never actually solved, a family which is never explored, all looked over by a group of witches doing witch things and a main player witch who isn’t actually a witch although she is using magic to do things while asking someone to prove she’s not doing magic to do things while other witches are playing a game with her and some poor guy standing there trying to disprove magic by using magic and by the way magic here is the very pinnacle of “It’s Magic, I Don’t Have To Explain It”, except when it isn’t and it does have proper rules which they never actually tell people and the show decides to change itself up again and follow a character we’ve never met go through a completely different story which amounts to...basically nothing because we kind of end this whole debacle exactly where we started, just because somebody felt like it, and did I mention that all the servants have magical Green Lantern powers and there’s a sassy devil butler and schoolgirl versions of the seven deadly sins (for crying out loud, again?) and there are weird bunny girl demons and talking lion plush toys and

By which point any sane person has already picked up this Cluedo board and flung it out the window.

I’ve seen incompetent shows. Shows far more dull, bad, offensive and just downright wrong shows than this. But this, without a doubt, is the most convoluted and utterly insane waste of time I’ve ever watched. And you know what? Half the time...it wasn’t even that bad. I mean, the stuff on screen. There were some decent horror moments, and some moments which went so far into the degree of tastelessness that it almost felt like a fetish show. And there was an awful lot of potential in both the characters and the mystery itself.

So what happened? The only thing I know is that when this anime was made...the visual novel had yet to be released. And I must just sit back and ask myself, why. Why would you make something before the source material is even out.

But even then, it could have worked as an adaptation. There was a great Higurashi-level mystery just waiting here, blending the supernatural and the all too possible nicely. The idea that magic is dependent on faith is a great idea, and if the first mystery was far more impossible, both on a physical and a moral level, it would have made for great stakes to examine that game and throughout the story find different ways in which the murder could have been explained. While at the same time, the characters’ backstories and motivations could be discovered as we try and discover who really did it, therefore thwarting the witch and settling the family problems to rest.

But no. No, we instead got twenty-six episodes of complete and utter insanity, that, in the end, is completely pointless and non-canon anyway. Ugh. If you want to know the story, play the visual novel instead. If you don’t, then...I don’t know, play some Phoenix Wright or Danganronpa. Anything’s got to be better than this.

Despite a fantastic premise, a lot of potential and a group of people who had proved they could do this well (seriously guys, what happened?), Umineko is a great big murder mystery mess of muck. Nothing is consistent, nothing is explored, and nothing is accomplished. Despite one or two decent parts, and a few moments that were entertaining on a purely WTH level, there is nothing that can stop this show from being ultimately a complete waste of time. Not the absolute worst, but easy to skip.

My score: 3/10