#motherfucker porridge

[konfizry]

Murus Flegit Porridge

or, as the game likes to shorten it when you first learn the recipe, 

or おかゆ・ムルス・フレジト in Japanese, is the recipe you obtain once Shionne has learned to use the Tales of secret ingredient: Love.

This enhanced rice porridge is also a nod to the very first --criminally bland-- dish she prepared for Alphen, as they were still reluctant companions kept firmly apart by an invisible, but nevertheless high and prickly, wall.

And Murus Flegit sounds *quite* Latin right? As do several pieces of equipment (and probably other things I’m forgetting) in the game. Murus simply means ‘wall’, but “flegit” doesn’t yield any results as far as I’m aware. Now fregit, however, is the third-person singular perfect active indicative form of frangō, (thanks, wikipedia) which means ‘to break’.  

So if you change the romanization to Murus Fregit, you get something which seems directly translatable from Latin.  The wall has shattered. 

[xxcherrycherixx]

fuck it, we always talk about the apple hate but we never talk about the blondie hate-

that is my bbgirl my best friend, she's my pal. she's my home boy, my rotten soldier. shes my sweet cheese, my good time boy

and ppl always be bashing her for being "annoying and sticking her nose into shit" like bestie im sorry she's not another copy of literally all the other princesses- like yall want her to be holly? who is like forgettable af but hey shes not "annoying" (sorry holly enjoyers, but i legit forget about her existence so much)

she's such a fun character! her entire shit is be gay do crimes hun, she breaks into houses on the regular and just vibes there, she has like 4 restraining orders against her- she picks locks so good that people regularly just go to her when they need to sneak into places

she looks at girls with this face!

THAT IS HEART EYES MOTHERFUCKER NO ONE ELSE WAS LOOKING AT CUPID LIKE THAT, ONLY THE COUPLES BE LOOKING AT EACH OTHER LIKE THAT THIS BITCH GAY GAY AND THEN THE WAY SHE SNAPS OUT OF IT AND JUST KEEPS STARING FOR A GOOD WHILE LIKE "oh shit well that's something i didn't know about myself-"

queen shit.

she wants to fit in so bad!!! she wants friends!!! she is my sad little meow meow!! she wants to become a reporter probably because her momma would tell her about how she use to work on the school newspaper!! And her momma would be so proud of her if she became a big time reporter!!🥺

she is so desperate to fit in, she's so ashamed that shes not real royalty like all her friends are that she feels she has to lie about it, and in blondie branches out where she tells a slightly more accurate version of her family and apple calls it a just right royal story, she's so happy and she looks so sweet!! she needs some validation babes!!!

she just wants friends!! the way she lies about her lineage is always to try to get the other royals to like her, she thinks she has to be like them for them to want to be her friends!! there's a hierarchy in ever after high that gets more detail in the books, royalty gets treated like celebrities with specialty seating and other perks. blondie is like every child who grew up in a fancy school when your family didn't have much, you see your friends constantly going on about their big house with a pool or the new shoes that cost more than your entire wardrobe and you start to feel alienated from the group. once more she needs some validation!!! help my girlie out!!!!

and the way she breaks into the bears homes, she believes they're her friends. so to her its fine to come over and ask momma if she has anything to eat, and the bears themselves don't really tell her to her face that shes not welcome. it seems baby bears outburst is the first time the bears have openly reacted negatively to her presence and blondie just thinks it was something to do with the other girls.

onto our big boy: BLONDIE IS SO FUCKING DISABLED CODED.

she cant understand social cues and is a perfectionist, her special interest is her show, she is picky when it comes to food preferring her safe food of porridge. this girl is a dead ringer for a bitch on the spectrum (this is coming from a bitch on many specrtrums including the autistic one) the thing is what i hate most is that when people hate on blondie, they're hating her for her neurodivergent traits. they might not realize it but that's completely what it is. "she's nosy and rude" she doesn't understand that what she is doing is rude, she cant tell when she crosses a line, i have done shit like that so many times like saying things i see as true and upsetting the other person and not realizing why.

she also has very strong signs of adhd with how much and how fast she talks and her lack of focus as shown in just sweet, just sweet shows these traits so perfectly, it was the episode that truly made it clear that this girl isn't neurotypical at all. i feel people call her annoying because of this, she talks so much and pair that with her autistic traits and she becomes unlikable for so many, but she's such a sweet girl underneath, there's a reason people still willingly hang out with her and that's because despite the fact she has these traits that come off as negative. she's still a kind girl happy to help her friends, she refuses to out ashlynns and hunters relationship because she can recognize that would be mean to her friends, she accepts helping raven out despite the fact her and the rebel haven't always been on the best terms, she invites poppy to the blue moon forest fest and is implied to help holly with picking locked doors enough for holly to consider her a close friend.

blondie is not your typical perfect character like so many of the cast is, but that's a good thing because if she was then she would just be another background character to forget about. she has her own personality and she has her own interests, she is one of the most neurodivergent coded characters in the series.

did i mention this girl has to be a woman enjoyer? because i swear she has to be- at some point she has to realize that maybe her extreme pickiness when it comes to boys is less about that individual not being just right but instead boys as a whole not being just right for her. do i need to show the heart eyes picture again?

[trex98dreams]

Red

Member: Park Jimin Genre: Fairytale Smut / Yandere💋 Based On: The Little Red Riding Hood

It started when your mom wants you to send a basket full of cake to your nanna.

Your nanna, who lives in the middle of the fucking forest.

God knows why she stay there all alone rather that moving with you and your family to the small village.

You hated going there alone. It's creepy, quiet and scary in the forest.

Usually your sisters will go with you.

But both of them were too 'occupied' with the ball the motherfucking ugly Prince is holding tonight at his castle.

You weren't interested in him. He's an asshole that took taxes from the poor villagers.

So rather than being dragged there by them, you choose to go send the cakes to your nanna.

Safest choice, you think.

"I'm off mom!"

Your mom smile at you. "Be careful. It's a full moon tonight."

You didn't know what she meant by that. You took your red cloak that was sewn by your nanna.

"Protection from evil thoughts," she once said. So you wear it, although you don't really believe in superstition.

You started your journey to her cottage. It only took a 30 minute walk but the moon is so beautiful and mysterious tonight.

You just had to stop and admire it.

"Hello beautiful."

You turn around. The voice were deep and a little.. sexy?

A black wolf came out from behind one of the trees.

Surprisingly, it didn't frighten you.

"Hello there Mr. Wolf."

The wolf went to sit beside you.

"Why, what is there in that basket? It smells delicious," the wolf ask, his nose burying into it.

You smile and cautiously pet his furry head. "Just some cake for my nanna. Here, have some."

The wolf stare at you for a long time.

"You're not scared of me? What if its not enough for your nanna?"

You giggle. "It's enough. Nanna's an old crow anyway. She didn't eat much and rather than throwing it away, you should have it. Take it, fresh from my mom's stove. You must be hungry."

The wolf grins at you and took the cake from your delicate hands.

"You are very kind. I have never met a human like you before. All they do is throw their axe or rocks at me."

You feel sorry for him.

Wolf are hated by your villagers. You heard that they destroy cattle and pig farms, even harming humans just because they're hungry.

But this one's different.

"I'm sorry they did that to you. They're just scared. They don't know what a majestic creature you are Mr. Wolf."

The wolf stare at you again. Something made his heart palpitated. You sense his pupil turn bigger like it would blow up.

"Mr. Wolf? You okay? I have to get going now. I've been stray away from my original path for far too long."

The wolf nods slowly.

"Where does your nanna lives? I could walk you there if you like."

You face turns upset.

"It's okay, thanks for the offer. Nanna hates wolf the most. She almost killed one for trying to steal her turkey. I don't want her to do that to you. Goodbye Mr. Wolf. See ya," you said, and went on your way.

The wolf stare at you until you disappear.

Then he begin to ran to your nanna's place.

As you arrive 15 minutes later, you knock on the door.

"Nanna it's me!"

No answer.

You tried a 2nd time, but still no answer.

On the 3rd knock, you gently push the door open. It was unlock.

Nanna never leaves her door unlock.

You went in. Everything seems messy. The pot of porridge was still warm and you closes the door behind you.

You went to her bedroom and tip toed, afraid she might be asleep.

"Nanna?"

She was reading a newspaper, her whole face covered with it.

"Sorry I was late Nanna.. I urm.. took a detour!" You told her, lying about meeting the wolf.

She cough heavily. She sounded strange to you, so you went near her bed.

"Nanna.. what beautiful fingers you have.." you admit as you saw her old worn fingers was no longer the same.

"To gently touch you my dear.." she answer with a strange tone.

You went closer.

"Nanna.. what pretty black hair you have.." you add as it was no longer the white one you always saw.

"So you can tangle your fingers in it my dear.." she said without removing the newspaper from her face.

You were now only inches away from her.

Too late.

"You're.. you're not my nanna!"

It was a man. A beautiful, naked young man covering himself with your nanna's comforter. He was also wearing nanna’s glasses.

You were scared. Not only he was a stranger, he was naked from head to toe. 

Fuck, you could see everything.

Including his massive, protruding dick.

You threw the basket at him and ran for your life. 

But he was faster.

"Let me go! Who are you?! Where's my nanna?!" You shout, scared for your life.

The young man hugs your body tightly. 

You can feel his erection rubbing on your red cloak.

"Hey, hey don't be scared.. it's me.. gosh.. all this time, I've finally found you.. my mate," he whisper as he try to kiss one side of your cheek.

You avoid him and struggle to get away but his grip was so strong.

"I don't know you! Where's my nanna? Tell me!"

"Your nanna's safe. She passed out for a while after I put some sleeping mushroom in her porridge. That would buy us some time."

You didn't understand what he's talking about.

"Time? Time for what? Please, let me go. I won't tell anyone about this."

The man giggle.

"It's me baby. You don't recognize me? We just met not more than an hour ago."

You realize who he was now. The sound of his voice, the blueberry cake flavor you felt on his breath.

It was the wolf.

"Mr. Wolf?"

"Bingo. What a smart girl. You're qualified to be my mate."

You bit his hand but he didn't let go.

"Please Mr. Wolf! I- I don't want to be your mate, I don't know you! Let me go please, you can have all the food you want, just please let me and my nanna go!"

He nuzzle his nose on your neck.

"It's not food that I want baby.. it's you. God you smell so fucking good.."

You can feel his hand roam around your breast. He squeeze the left one with his right hand and begin to hump you from behind.

To be honest, you felt weird.

Good weird.

There was a pool of swirling needs inside you.

"Please.. ah.. Mr. Wolf.. I-"

"Park Jimin.

You were caught off guard.

"My name baby. It's Jimin. And you better remember it, cause you'll be screaming it all night."

As soon as he finish, Jimin aka Mr. Wolf pull the strings to your cloak and threw it onto your nanna's bed.

"Protection from evil? Haha. The only thing it does is make you look sexier baby. I fucking love red."

He then rip off your skirts and corsets, leaving you naked as well.

"Beautiful tits, puffy little pussy, ripe for bearing our litter.." he said, sniffing your pussy that makes you ticklish.

You try to run but Jimin threw you on the bed, smacking your ass.

You were lying on top of your red cloak.

"Please.. Jimin.. I- I'm scared.. don't do this.. don't eat me.."

Jimin laugh.

"I'll definitely eat you baby. But not in that way. A way that'll make you feel pleasurable. Now open your leg wide."

You refuse to do as he said but Jimin become impatient and forcefully spread your legs wide. He pulls your ankle close towards him and went on his knees.

You realize what he was doing.

"No! Stop it! No! I- ah.. ah..! Fuck.."

Jimin begin to make out with your pussy. He lick the lips with the edge of his tongue, staring at you with a smirk.

"Stop it.. no.. ah.. that doesn't.. feel good.. at all.."

"Really? You’re lying."

Jimin begin to nip and suck on your pussy, nose buried on your pubic hair. He was enjoying every second of eating you out, hand gripping on the back of your knees.

You arch your back, toes curling at his warm tongue, drinking your love juice.

You sweat a lot, and when you can't handle it anymore, you grip his hair with your fingers.

"Don't fucking stop.. fuck.. it feels so amazing.." you moan, giving into him.

Jimin became more wild at your obedience.

He watch as your face shows an expression full of pleasure and erotic sensation.

"So..mmm.. beautiful.. so.. delicious.. mmm" he stops between each suck.

"Jimin! I'm.. fuck! Ah!"

You squirt on his face. He loves it. He loves how you make a mess.

It wasn't enough for him. He was not over the foreplay yet. He wants you to get really, really wet for his cock.

Jimin insert his middle finger in your pussy.

"What.?? Ah stop! Jimin! I can't take it anymore!"

He laugh mischievously and thrust his finger in and out of your pussy. He slaps your cunt and occasionally kiss it.

You squirt again. In a heavy amount.

You were so exhausted.

"Jimin.. please.. I'm so tired.. what do you.."

"It's not over until I had my cum overflowing your pussy baby."

He hover above you and kiss your neck. He kisses all of you, your cheeks, your lips, your neck, your tits.

He put your hands on his neck.

"Hug me when you're about to cum."

Although he was in heat, he gently put his cock in your pussy and saw how you grunt in pain.

"First time baby?"

You look away shyly, nodding.

"Good. I'll be your forever and last mate."

He begin thrusting at a slow pace, your legs wrap around his torso.

Jimin grunts and growl in your ear, and you love it. You absolutely fell in love with this beast.

"Jimin.. go faster.. go faster.."

He went ballistic.

His balls slaps against your cunt, skin to skin sound all across your nanna's bedroom.

It was so hot and dirty.

His cock was big.. but not that you can't take it.

"You're so beautiful.. my luna.. my mate.." he whisper in your ear as he hips move at an irregular pace.

You felt him deep inside you, you almost faint.

"Stay up baby, I can't take my cock out if you pass out. Werewolf's cock stays inside a pussy locking it until the female cum."

It was an information.

But it was so hot. Plus his sexy voice.

Not a moment ago you were scared of him. 

But now, all you want was for him to cum and fill your pussy to the brim.

He smells like wood and trees fresh from the rain.

"Make me cum Jimin, make me pregnant.. ooh.. fuck.. that's it.. I don't care anymore.. let me have your pups.."

Jimin hugs you and suck on your tits. He circle his tongue around your tits and suck it to his heart's content.

You held onto his body and clawed on his ass. He had fine firm ass.

"I'm cumming my luna.. cum with me.. ooh shit.. shit..!"

You feel his cock expands in your wall and that also made you cum.

When his cock feels your cum, he softens but didn't pull out of you yet.

He lay on top of you, hearing your heartbeat.

"I can't believe my mate's a human."

You stare into the ceiling, surprised at his word.

"Don't be scared, I'll take care of you like a queen. Now, you're officially the luna of the blue moon pack."

You blink your eyes as he held his head up and kiss your lips gently. 

Jimin stand up, turning to his wolf form.

Before running into the night, the last thing you saw, was the cum covered red cloak on the bed.

You smile and ride on Jimin's back to start your own new pack.

[ethelcain-songs]

Saddle Up White Silas

This one's for all my whores back home in the village Poppin they pussies all over the new england countryside They said that horseman ain't got a head but i know that's a lie Why? cause i've seen it (let's go) Promise me you won't tell my mother If i help you in a room in which there are no others Don't get any on the floor of my father's carriage Cause i'm his good girl, putting out for marriage Good day, my good bitch, we can cut the shit Show you my forbidden woods, lost in it I'm his big dick witch, hexin shit And if he think that he can spell it, he can suck my clit Buckle up, boy, cause i'll fuck you up There's a reason that the priests all wanna fuck me up You can ride a horsey, what about my pussy cat Why you scared? don't be such a puddy tat You're a crane? baby, show me what that neck do Pussy brewing, baby, like it's gonna hex you Gut me like a motherfucking pumpkin, jack And i'll be giving you some kind of head like you've never had Baby, put that gorgeous All over my clitoris Wandering up in my forest Mmm, this pussy hot and wet, porridge You're the finest man in new england Hear them coins in your pocket jingling Mama always said use common sense I took one look at him and we ain't used a condom since I'll show you my sleepy hollow Ride that horsey, ride to town Ride that horsey, ride him down But watch that horsey, cause he might buck So saddle up, girls, get ready to fuck You wanna sneak a piece of pie from my window Poppin a stiffy every time the fuckin wind blows You're so cute when you look all scared Now drop your trousers and get ready, enter if you dare Don't be scared, daddy I don't bite I swear, a girl gets fucked out of wedlock ONE TIME And suddenly she's like "the town witch" or some shit, like What the fuck is that about, oh my god Fucking protestants

[icharchivist]

I won't let y'all sleep on Seofon any longer

My man is hilarious as f*ck and super skilled with his swords

Also he's hot

But genuinely, get you a man who can go from "I ate all your leftover porridge and now my tummy hurty :'(" to killing God

I love characters who go from comic relief to being stupidly powerful, it is so funny to me

Also jk the fact that he's canonically the strongest sword fighter and everyone still kinda bullies him just adds to the comedy tbh

You think he's some loser because nobody takes him seriously and then he slays absolute p*ssy and all you can say is "ayo" because your jaw is on the floor

aMKDJFMLDKFLMKDFLMFD

HE IS AMAZING THOUGH I LOVE HIM

He's hilarious, the guy truly has the greatest range of all time in term of being silly to being the most terrifying motherfucker on that ship.

I also think what i really love is that he DOES act silly and that's why no one takes him seriously most of the time, he makes bad puns, he seemingly focus on the wrong thing at the wrong time, he's like "woopsies i'm so silly :3c" and so it means people, in general, wouldn't take him seriously.

And this is the most dangerous thing someone as dangerous as Seofon can make you believe: that you shouldn't take him seriously.

like honestly i could say it's pretty calculated, and i feel like, to some extend it is. Seofon does want you to underestimate him, it makes it easier for him to scheme and figure out how to approach dangerous situations.

but tbh i also feel like he's at a point where he can be so comfortable around the Eternals and the crew that he also let the guard down and he's silly just because sometimes the guy is just silly.

Like him talking about the pudding was him being silly, not him playing 5D Chess.

But he's a man who is always ready to be playing 5D Chess with his opponants. And he knows that the Alter!Seofon we met makes sense because he knows deep down, that he can be this ruthless, that he can be this cold and detached, he just happened to find how to anchor himself in a state of life that doesn't ask of him to be that.

He's a really cool character to watch because he'll constantly act like a loser and people (Feower/Tien/Seox especially) will treat him like a loser, and he'll take the L because sure, he'll let them bully him, but it's like a big sibling who's like 10x times the size of his kid siblings pretending that he's collapsing when his siblings are fighting him because "nooo you're too stroooong how could i deal with any of youuu".

He's so neat, i love him.

[eirikrjs]

Why are you mad that any god of war game is mythologically inaccurate? Do you think the god of war series was created with the intent to be an accurate representation of mythology?

The newer games still bill themselves as mythology games merely by presenting a loosely, um, canonical (?) arrangement of the Norse gods and their cosmos and they will sell dozens of millions of copies.

This large mainstream audience is not going to be interested in reading the Edda afterwards; they are going to be informed by what the games say (much of the details of which are totally fabricated, to put it kindly, lol).

Imagine for a moment that Goldilocks and the Three Bears was an obscure story (but not entirely unknown; people would be familiar with things like "porridge too hot" or "the bed was too soft") and a major publisher wanted to make a AAA game about it for a "mature" audience. Let's assume Kratos is still in the game and they need to somehow justify why he needs to slaughter them all. In doing so, they make Papa Bear a pedophile, Mama Bear suicidal, Baby Bear a chronic "throat-fucker" of severed cat heads, and Goldilocks a severe split personality disorder ("cocksucker" "motherfucker" "fucking cockfucker"). It's a pretty severe reinterpretation (or, to coin a term, disinterpretation?) of the material.

An this is done... for Kratos.

[nouveau-riche-princess]

some of you motherfuckers are out here talking about your peasant dinner and aren't even eating porridge

[heyitsspaceace]

Hello, since the forms were anonymous, do u think u can post some of the reasoning of some for how they rated some of the drivers?

Ur post abt the 100 respondents let us see some thoughts, and I know some of the comments that u have mentioned was from me (i know i'm the one who thirsted on yuki's thighs)

I personally wouldn't mind if u'd publish the reasonings or the thirst paragraphs

I think it'll be either really funny, lovely, or horny or weird

oh my friend you've opened the floodgates

anyways here's the og link the quiz

so here are some memorable responses

Yuki Tsunoda

"He has a manly, manly body with a nice set of abs. He can successfully backflip into a pool and he's just plain hilarious. Plus he's got no filter, can cook you breakfast in the morning and can even sing. multi-talented"

"*Fernando Alonso voice* YUkiii"

"Have you seen those thighs?! And he's just so soft especially in pastel clothes, he loves food, and his eyes when he smile just melts me. Did I mention his THIGHS?"

"So smol. Idk who any of these are but he looks like he finished his A-levels and went 'fuck it' before turning up at the local f1 track and won."

"Food obsession, funny, homoerotic tension with Pierre, what more could you want in a man?"

"Even thou wer'e the same height, he'll forever be my short king and the thighs."

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Lando Norris

"Less baby than Yuki but Baldo Norris is haunting my dreams"

"the hair ✨✨"

"An absolute icon. Gen z at its finest ✨"

"When I watch his intweviews it's always has me rolling at some point , mammmmm those choclate curls."

"British +1 for the hair"

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Fernando Alonso

"This man. So hot. Renly tormenting Stannis with a peach was inspired by this man. One sexy motherfucker. Unfortunately dates women he’s own age. An absolute menace. He’s in it for the long con, when Yuki retires Nando is the shortest on the grid. Chase that title king!"

"Best Friend's Dad who will fight anyone for you. Also, makes a great sandwich."

"Unhinged petty energy, I thrive to be like him"

"He's a bastard menace and also petty as FUCK. I love the drama this old man generates"

"he’s a bastard but there is something attractive about it"

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Valtteri Bottas

"underrated unproblematic king"

"best wag & tiktok, porridge king"

"Gentleman ♥️"

"Malewife"

"THIS is the ideal male body. Sorry if society isn’t ready for it. Sexy AF"

"I have a thing for people from Finland. He gives me a warm fussy feeling, and he’s gender envy"

"I like how he keeps showing his ass. I respect that hustle."

"Idk what about this man but I feel absolutely safe around and I have never met him in my life."

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Sergio Perez

"also Dilf but also cheater"

"Decent driver, I cheered when he won. Wish he said fuck team orders, I’m here for ME!"

"Everyday i hate this man more and more i used to actively root for him but now all he does is terrorize my faves as per the rbr agenda and the wifecheating thing is hilarious but horrible no bonus points for being petty or occasionally hot from one angle sadly so 1"

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Zhou Guanyu

"actually a talented dude, his modelling pics were just too good"

"He so sexy,he cute,he hot my husband"

"down points because he has more style than me"

"Very cute. Best friend who doesn't really show care about much but will randomly give food and 3am 'I can't sleep so you're going to deal with it' texts. Also, says 'don't die' instead of goodbye. 10/10"

"A Goddamn Model. Absolute beauty. Also he looks like someone I'd come across at the mall. One point deducted bc I dont like boba but he does."

"Fashion icon, he is the moment when he steps on track."

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Sebastian Vettel

"Daddy" x2

"Okay! Cool teacher that has been there for a year or two but it feels like forever. Gives off an ally to whoever needs one vibe. Like a 'You're gay? Great (insert support here)! Now let smash this quadratic formula!' Will die for any of his students."

"How much time do you have to hear me talk about the love of my life? Love al his eras has never done anything wrong in his life I would support him ni matter what team he races for and how much of a bastard he is. Crid over sebtirement many times and now i will force myself to watch races that are at 3am for me because i can’t miss any of his remaining races. Giving him 10 bonus points for being hot asf with every look and bringing back the sebstache his official score is 100/10"

"HIS PERSONALITY IS VERY SEGGCY. SAVE THE BEES. physically tho, not my type, aha"

"I have a thing for Germans too"

"Activism so hot on seb"

"Invented flirting. Has Lee Mckenzies number. Has the charisma bill Clinton thought he had."

"I like how this man likes bees. You go, little bee man!"

"Red Bull twink era was a 10, now -1 point because of the hair"

"Babygirl-coded old man"

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Mick Schumacher

"He's just a golden retriever (and I'm German and biased)"

"gorgeous gorgeous shoulder to waist ratio. angel baby"

"Normally an 8 but u chose the right pic i guess also does have sexy moves on track when given the chance"

"Cute smile a little twink-ish"

"Ray of sunshine, I’m always rooting for him. Does amazing things in a shitty shitty car. If Sebastian teaches him to flirt is over for all of us."

"self explanatory, I would kill for him as well. fun fact my dad would yell at me and my brother when we were little if we said Michael like the English pronunciation and not the German, because "U can't disrespect a Schumacher". So I won't."

"That one boy who excells at P.E and his exams. No one knows how or why. Probably plays for a local football team."

"Seems nice, i want to see what would happen if you put him in a competitive car. Can say "rawr" without making me cringe"

"Very golden retriever wonder bread and love him for it"

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Lewis Hamilton

"Smash. I dont care for the NDAs, I'll screw this man. Love him to bits"

"sebs boyfriend. literally so fucking hot. also a king. 8x world champion"

"Walk walk fashion baby"

"1) the tattoos, 2) the smile, 3) his eyes when he smiles, 4) the way he says Bono"

"he is the most beautiful man i have ever seen. hes sexy and handsome, of course, but hes also BEAUTIFUL."

"I like him, i like his angst, i want him to win"

"Babygirl-coded old man two EXCEPT this one's wayyy more beautiful than what should be legal. Like holy fuck. Also he's like the only driver who I desire carnally"

"handsome, aware of social issues and uses his platform to spread awareness, has a dog"

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Kevin Magnussen

"dilf" x3

"The beard *chefs kiss*"

"that's my type right here"

"fok smash. but like sometimes is soft a lil."

"He’s Danish, I’m legally contracted to like people from Denmark"

"Head teacher vibes. Tries his best but is often caught between teachers, students, and everyone else. Mr Vettel doesn't always agree with him, but they respect eachother alot."

"This man is really driving that shitbox to points finishes, gotta appreciate"

"He’s married😔"

"Dilf, tats, beard"

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Carlos Sainz

"TITS"

"he always looks super dramatic but really his favourite hobby is playing golf"

"Smooth operator" x4

"idk he looks constantly like he doesn’t know where he is or why he’s there"

"SMOOOOTHHHH OPERATOR. Deserves all the love in the world"

"You and that one friend who have grown apart over the years because life sucks and gets in the way, but who will always makes sure you're ok and will drop anything and everything to help if you aren't. That's him. He's the friend."

"🌶️🌶️🌶️"

"Tits and thighs, deadly combo, it should be illegal."

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Pierre Gasly

"oui oui, has labrador energy"

"the hottest right after Sir Lewis. He had an amazing glowup and i can't forget the way he was whoring around with diff women. Really, REALLY desirable. HIS BODY IS AMAZING, MF WORKS OUT A LOT. his voice is hot and is humor is exactly my favourite kind"

"I highly respect his horny on main attitude"

"hot."

"french slut we love it"

"IM OBSESSED. I LOVE HIM. Him + yuki= fav couple in the paddock"

"MY KING MY HUSBAND MY BABY"

"I think about monza 2020 every day i need this man to succed or so help me, I JUST WANT HIM TO BE HAPPY!!! (also very hot)"

"I want him to break my heart so bad that i spend every night sobbing on the bathroom floor that i miss him while he forgets about me immediately aka good 4 u vibes. If he asked me to commit a crime i would do it"

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Max Verstappen

"just love him ♥️ Dork!"

"Aww u put the out of office max, soft max is the best and besides yuki, he also has got one of the nicest thighs on the grid and his lip freckle is just so cute i wanna kiss ot and pull at his post race hair thank god also that his wearing curved caps more these days and ahhh so fucking soft love him"

"Cute, hot after the races"

"That one person you know who says they're a twitch streamer/influencer and you're like 'Having two followers and led keyboard doesn't make you a streamer Barry' but then you check his Twitch and he isn't half-bad? You watch in secret of course until you accidentally sub with Prime and the entire friendship group gets dragged into becoming Max's #1 Supporters. Will tease you about it (affectionate)"

"Post race Max hits different"

"When I tell you I had the most epic haters to lovers with this man. I didn't like him at first at all but now I still don't love him but I do have a strong liking to him . His smile and thighs ."

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Lance Stroll

"My favorite color is green, my lucky number is 18. Hate to see people living the dream I can’t 😔"

"i just love lance and I mean look at his hair"

"actually boyfriend material tbh"

"Andrew Rannels but make it F1"

"idk idk idk dont come for me but i love this unbothered king so fucking much"

"wonderful eyebrows. expressive face, love the faces he makes. seems very polite and respectful. cute smile. i am not immune to dark hair dark eyes combo."

"Blah blah he bought his seat, whatever he seems sweet okay? Also love a snarky comment here and there"

"ANOTHER UNDERRATED KING everyones like hes just a rich kid blahblahblah umm okay so is 90% of the grid?! Good vibes good energy occasionally hot and not as bad of a driver as people want to believe"

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Daniel Ricciardo

"AUSSIE AUSSIE AUSSIE OI OI OI, miss him winning"

"My babygirl. I will die defending him. I love everything about him. How can i not?"

"perfection. beautiful boy"

"Also thighs plus the tattoos (so of course special mention to the thigh tattoo)"

"how could u not love himmmm seriously. I hope he bankrupts McLaren. Also I'm getting my friend into F1 by exploiting her crush on Daniel."

"He feels like a day spent by the pool in Spain with your best friends, good music and cocktails"

"The curls, the nose, the side profile, the smile!?! This really doesn’t need any reasoning."

"he's hot, the curls, the tattoos but his character makes him a real 10/10"

"It’s either 1000000/10 or your wrong."

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Charles Leclerc

"the (himboest) prettiest boy on the grid"

"most gorgeous man in motorsport"

"kitty<3 he’s my babygirl"

"There he is my baby, king of my heart, loveliest boy, tu es bel, tu es mon ange, so fucking beautiful, i actually cried once (thrice) just looking at his pics and gods have u seen that latest thirst trap from ferrari and i am the perfect height to just bury my face onto his chest and his eyes (everchanging and twinkling, tho not much these days so f u ferrari), and his dimples, i just wanna poke those dimples and have you seen his upper bod, its the perfect mix of abs and a lil tum tum and i rlly wanna boop his perfect nose and run my fingers thru his hair (i bet itd feel like clouds) and he'd whisper sweet nothings in english italian and french. And really his thighs are perfect too, like the way he manspread on that pic on the yacth (i died, true story) and u know that beauty mark near his nose, i wanna kiss it so bad and the one on his neck too and the ones on his torso and i love the way he plys piano and the way he wears jewelry (that's hot) i just rlly love him even when he's a lobster"

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Nicholas Latifi

"the 2 things I know about him is that he's canadian and he likes nutella"

"Listen, i just saw that gamer!nicky photo and it did things to me"

"That one person who is lovely but one bad day away from snapping. Pls, give him a hug."

"i like his nose a lot. legendary eyebrows. hot streamer boy nicholas forever in my heart. hes also very nice and friendly looking and i feel bad for him jskfkalfjfbsk"

"This man really likes Nutella and that's really sexy."

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

George Russell

"GEORGE!!!!!!!!!!!! acts like a private school boy"

"it's so much fun to see my brother annoyed every time he is told he looks like Russell. I love convincing people he looks like russell. He does. I can convince you too."

"bf material right here as well"

"The guy who comes in to assemblies to give those talks on stupid things. Like a Tedx talk level of why... kinda cute tho"

"Him fanboying over Daniel Is my suicide prevention. Also is so nice 😭"

"Something about a guy that loves a powerpoint and knows the rule book and WILL ARGUE... debate kid vibes but hot? very confusing! I also really enjoy his brand of british accent"

"my beloved, I'll rate him 100/10. Love his eyes, his appearance, his accent, his talent and his personality. (love his friendship with alex as well)"

"Fantastic driver. And he’s the biggest DR fanboy so he gets extra rights"

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Esteban Ocon

"adore him a lot. got a soft spot for the man because of his childhood story. and he looks very hot at times without excess gel in his hair"

"Fav string bean"

"love him fr <333 estie bestie truely the most real nickname"

"He's french :( but he's friends with Mick :) , soo fuck it, he gets a 5"

"I fell in love with him when he and max almost got into a fistfight. General mischievous vibe."

"estie bestie...we stan"

"estie bestie! but idk i also spell like este maybe i'm a fake fan. i think he is cool! and also like that he comes from a more humble bg ig"

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Alex Albon

"albon pets >>> anything else"

"i like his name and his girlfriend!!"

"Boyfriend material + nice and comfy"

"a sweetie. a cutie. i love his laugh"

"Tho if u had put in lily, i'll give her a 10 too"

"his cats>>>>>>>>>>>>>> ❤️❤️🥰❤���❤️❤️😍"

"WILL NEVER FORGET HIS ICONIC ROOKIE POEM"

"If you don't like alex albon i do not trust you!!!!!'

"love his smile, his positive energy. and his friendship with george. and his cats."

"🫶🫶🫶 very boyfriend coded (would steal lily off him though) kind sweet nice deserves good things"

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

and that's all!

IF ANY OF YOU SEE YOURS AND WOULD LIKE IT REMOVED PLEASE LET ME KNOW I WILL OBLIGE!

[flustersluts]

Porridge got me cracking up. Not judging, just seems on brand hehehehe. Hope you had fun! Make sure to drink water too!

SEEMS ON BRAND 😭😭😭 ANON PLEASE COULD YOU NOT HAVE SAVED YOUR CRUELTY FOR THE MORNING WHEN I'M MORE EMOTIONALLY STABLE ur rlly saying im the blandest motherfucker uve ever interacted with:((((((((((

[applepickerproductions]

2022 legjobb koncertjei

Szokásos év végi számvetés, idén megint nagyon sok koncerten voltam, sajnos a COVID lemondások miatt úgy alakult, hogy főleg Magyarországon. Ebből is egy elég jó lista összejött, de azért nagyot lépett vissza a felhozatal a meg nem történt 2020 után :(

Igazából nem volt nagy verseny, azaz nagyon tiszta volt az élmezőny (zárójelben a kulcsszám a koncertről, ahol volt értelme).

40 - The Goa Express @ Isolation Fesztivál

39 - Olafur Arnalds @ MüPa 

38 - Whispering Sons @ Reflektor Fesztivál 

37 - Alt-J @ Budapest Park (gyakorlatilag értékelhetetlen, a legnagyobb esemény az volt, hogy a dobos a végén bokáját törte)

36 - Night Beats @ Isolation Fesztivál 

35 - Princess Nokia @ Sziget Fesztivál

34 - Efterklang @ Isolation Fesztivál 

33 - Crows @ Reflektor Fesztivál (Slowly Separate)

32 - Barns Courtney @ Budapest Park 

31 - Galaxisok @ Dürer Kert (Bergkamp)

30 - John Grant @ Magyar Zene Háza (Queen of Denmark)

29 - Sam Lee @ Magyar Zene Háza (Turtle Dove)

28 - Black Bartók @ Reflektor Fesztivál (Rich Motherfucker)

27 - Nilüfer Yanya @ Magyar Zene Háza (Midnight Sun)

26 - Captain Average @ Gólya (This Road Leads to Nowhere)

25 - Barkóczi Noémi @ Akvárium terasz (Nem vagyok itt)

24 - Nick Mason's Saucerful of Secrets @ Budapest Park  (A Saucerful of Secrets)

23 - Deva @ Trafó (Unglitched)

22 - Porridge Radio @ Reflektor Fesztivál (Lilac)

21 - Sister Ray @ Isolation Fesztivál (Crucified)

20 - Billy Idol @ Budapest Park (Eyes without a Face)

19 - Törzs @ Margófeszt Szentgyörgyvár (Második)

18 - My Chemical Romance @ Budapest Park (Welcome to the Black Parade)

17 - Sofi Tukker @ Budapest Park (Fuck They)

16 - Le Muffe @ Gólya (Ragazzo Beat)

15 - Iceage @ Sziget Fesztivál (High & Hurt)

14 - DIIV @ Akvárium (Oshin (Subsume))

13 - The Twilight Sad @ Budapest Sportaréna (Keep Yourself Warm (Frightened Rabbit cover))

12 - Berriloom and the Doom @ Auróra (Hypersea)

11 - Muse @ VOLT Fesztivál (Starlight)

10 - Arctic Monkeys @ Sziget Fesztivál (Cornerstone)

9 - Black Country, New Road @ Isolation Fesztivál (The Up Song)

8 - Django Django @ Főzdepark (Wor)

7 - Fontaines DC @ Sziget Fesztivál (I Love You)

6 - Strompopper @ Sgt. Pepper's (Kill Everyone)

5 - Pixies @ Budapest Park (Gouge Away)

4 - Squid @ Reflektor Fesztivál (Narrator)

3 - The Cure @ Budapest Sportaréna (From the Edge of the Deep Green Sea)

2 - Future Islands @ Akvárium (Vireo’s Eye)

1 - The Magnetic Fields @ Theater Akzent (It’s Only Time)

[pharaoh-khan]

Only dumb people walk around with motes in their eye mere motherfucking mortals with no gold spoons at least for porridge

[drwcn]

okay more emperor!jc au [1-8]

I never said this au was in-character, and I also never promised not to make an au largely inspired by the idea what if the essence of advisor!mcs possessed adhd!wwx and what if tsundere energy of petulant!jc possessed the social station of himbo!xjy

9. politics is to regent!wwx as demonic cultivation is to canon!wwx

WWX *wakes up from a fever and sees XXC*: 师叔，您怎么来了？夷陵出事了？！（Shishu...what are you doing here? Did something happen in Yiling?）

XXC *holding a bowl of foul medicine*: 傻小子，都病成这样了我能不来吗。是不是江晚吟那个不争气的小皇帝又气你了。夷陵那边好的很，有阿菁呢，乱不了。（Silly boy, how could I not come when you're so ill? Was it that useless little emperor Jiang Wanyin giving you grief again? All is well in Yiling. A-Qing is there, nothing will dare cause trouble.)

——

WWW *coughs coughs coughs* I'm fine, I have schemes to plan for A-Cheng. I'll have Jin Guangshan checkmated in no less than -

LWJ *spoon feeds him porridge and chicken from a jade bowl*: You're sleep deprived, malnourished, and dehydrated. Shut up.

10. Chenqing as eunuch-in-chief scares everyone

Raven hair and coal-black eyes, Chen-gongong is the most beautiful man in the entire palace - well, he would be, if that pale bloodless frozen face of his would stop being so deathlike. Chenqing is slim and tall and speaks in a hushed tenor tone that strikes the fear of the reaper into the heart of men and women alike.

Nobody knows when or how Chenqing became an eunuch, only that Lord Protector Wei Wuxian brought Chenqing in when he became Regent. Some say Chenqing was already an eunuch before, some say he willingly became one to continue serving Wei Wuxian within the palace.

Truth is: Chenqing was an orphan that Cangse took in when she was the master of Yiling. WWX grows up with Chenqing and knows Chenqing has suffered mutilations at the hands of human traffickers. It's not clear if Cangse taught Chenqing some forbidden pugilist knowledge.

Chenqing knows everything about everyone in the palace. That's why his sleeves are so wide, they're full of secrets.

Chenqing is no less deadly than Suibian when it comes to the art of killing, even though General Sui is the Commander of the Imperial Guards.

No eunuch, handmaid or guard dare whisper what they all suspect - Chen-gongong and Sui-tongling are lovers.

WWX is too busy to care that his right and left hand men are boning.

11. Lan Xichen is the Deputy Imperial Tutor, meaning he is in charge of Jiang Cheng's education growing up.

Recall JC is 8 years WWX's junior and 10 years JYL's junior. LXC is 5 years WWX's senior which makes him 13 years older than JC. When JC became emperor at age 12, LXC was already 25.

LXC's life is incredibly difficult. JFM handpicked him to teach young JC before he died.

It's hard to be the teacher of a boy who's technically in charge of you and the rest of the nation.

Imagine the parent-teacher interview nights with Regent!WWX and Imperial Tutor!LXC

JC's half-brothers (JFM had concubines): Huangxiong called me a bitch JC: *unrepentant* Motherfucker doesn't start with a B. WWX: ............ LXC: .............

12. Imperial Guard!He Ning (Wen Ning) is tall and quiet and an excellent fighter. His little brother (sister) He Qing (Wen Qing) is smol and angy, can't fight but will stab you with a needle if necessary

WWX: I think...you rather despise His Majesty

WN: I dare not, Lord Regent. But chen only has one little sister. She's my world. His Majesty can have any woman in the world, so why can't he spare He Qing? She would be much happier and freer without him.

WWX: .....Fine, fine, I'll find him an empress. The Dowager has been making noise for months now. I'll find him an empress.

Meanwhile

15 yro crossdressing!WQ who is very confused why a royal prince keeps bothering her at work. She's never met the young emperor in any official capacity.

JC lies about his identity and passes himself off as another one of his royal brothers.

WQ grinding herbs diligently while JC sits and stares at her with a blush.

JC thinks 'I might be gay' bc he doesn't know WQ is a girl.

13. After Qin Su and Meng Yao's secret comes to light, to preserve the dignity of the royal family, Empress Qin Su "volunteered" to leave the palace and spend the rest of her days praying for the soul of her deceased son and for the nation at an esteemed Buddhist temple.

[previously]

Her son, who died several hours after birth from congenital defects, was recorded as JC's first son, and first prince.

Dowager Empress Yu Ziyuan ordered Meng Yao be killed. Meng Yao was privately executed...except he wasn't. Wei Wuxian arranged for him to be brought to Yiling. He's living a good life now. Lan Xichen writes to him.

14. Wen Ruohan is very pleased with the son Jiang Yanli gave him.

After Jiang Fengmian married Jiang Yanli off to tribal warlord!Wen Ruohan, she made the best of her circumstances.

Though WRH has other concubines/slave girls, JYL is the only legal wife, in place of his first legal wife who died many years ago.

WRH is twenty five years JYL's senior, and already has two sons by his first wife. WC is the same age as JYL while WX is two years older. While WRH is alive, WX and WC have no choice but to respect their stepmother, bc their father absolutely does not tolerate insubordination.

WY is born within a year of the marriage and soon becomes WRH's favourite child.

——

WRH launches a campaign against country when JC is 21 years old and has only been officially emperor for about a year (WWX ended his regency when JC turned 20).

The war starts off bloody - JC doesn't sleep for days. WWX and LWJ are unreachable since they've gone off on an early retirement trip through the mountains. Somehow JC holds his own for months. Things take a turn for the better.

WY is 15 years old and leading a division by himself for the first time. WRH is very proud of him. WY is very talented, but WC and WX sabotage him and get him captured by JC's armies and stealing WY's victory for themselves.

WWX and LWJ are on their way back to the capital when they encounter the squadron that captured WY. WY: Kill me. I will not be your hostage against my father. WWX: Xiao-wangzi - little prince - you know the common tongue? WY: My a-niang was from the empire. WWX: ... a-niang? *sudden realization*

Half the court wants to use WY as a bargaining chip to negotiate a ceasefire against WRH and the other half wants to execute the little foreign prince to show WRH who's boss.

Suddenly, just as the Jiang empire seems to be turning tides, WRH dies. Stroke -rumour has it.

Now that there's no longer any reason to appease WRH, the court wants WY dead, regardless of who his mother is. Politics is brutal that way.

to be continued...

[surajmukhis]

the idea of toddblack trying to figure out cohabitation is so fucking funny. domestic bliss? more like domestic MISS <3 anw here's a ficlet about toddblack from three povs [also this fic is for squishy @snimeat i hope this makes you smile!!!]

–

sharing a bedroom with the actual spawn of satan means sometimes having to toss an alarm clock or two out of the window at dawn. black even manages it with closed eyes now. months of practice and all that. 

today morning shouldn’t be an exception but todd specialises in whacking things out of routine. there’s a loud clunk as the clock hits something hard and falls to the floor, distinctly still in the room. 

black cracks one eye open. the window has been, carefully, pulled shut. 

that motherfucker. 

‘rise and shine!’ a voice sings, too chirpy for this hour. black knows, without looking, exactly how his boyfriend is grinning at the door. ’i’m going to make breakfast.’

‘i’m going to kill you,’ he snaps. ‘switch your fucking clock off.’

obediently, todd stalks around to pick up the shrieking device. when he turns it off with a quick flip, black almost feels a sliver of gratitude. almost. 

before he can close his eyes and melt back into sleep, though, todd is crouching by his side of the bed. black squints through bleary eyes to check him out. he’s only human, after all, but his boyfriend, framed by the sun flooding gently through the window behind him, is otherworldly in this light. he bites the words back. ‘if you close the window i can’t keep throwing your clocks out,’ he says instead, patient. using his words not his fists. white would be proud.

todd’s face is a pool of fondness. ‘good. they cost a pretty penny.’

‘i’m going to burn every last baht you own.’

‘and then who will pay the bills for this shit hole?’ 

their apartment is not a shit hole. it might not be the penthouse todd used to rot in, but it’s got a bedroom, a washroom, and something that can pass for a kitchen. black puts his independent savings into rent and todd pays the utilities despite all his complaints. they’re both a little hypocritical.

‘stop glaring at me,’ todd requests sweetly. ‘unless you want porridge for breakfast.’

black breathes slowly, eyes fixed on his boyfriend’s face. it’s a nice enough face. shame about the irritating personsality. ’i want all alarm clocks to die.’

todd snorts. there’s a flutter of lips on black’s mouth and then a rough bite is breaking the blanket of peace early morning usually brings. black’s lower lip throbs but todd only presses another kiss to his lips before rising. ‘you set that alarm for today, asshole.’ 

liar. he’s lying. black would never. waking up before nine is a sin even the devil won’t forgive you for. besides, todd is the rich brat who likes to rise early and go for a run. doesn’t lying about this technically count as gaslighting?

his boyfriend rolls his eyes, walking out. ’you have an interview with that shitty law firm in an hour,’ he calls out as he leaves. ‘the one you said you wanted bad enough to wear a tie for.’ 

lightning seems to run through his body. interview. with the only decent firm he’s found actually pushing for change. black scrambles up, extricating himself from his stupid sheets. ‘breakfast,’ he yells, voice hoarse from sleep. ‘i need breakfast.’

todd ambles back into view, beating what looks like the start of an omelette in an obnoxious yellow bowl. black simultaneously loves and hates the grin on the other’s face. ‘i’ll trade you breakfast for a quickie.’ 

black throws a slipper at him. whether or not he takes up the offer is irrelevant.

–

todd thinks there are several pros to dating black. 

free-flowing emotional communication is not one of them. 

‘i’m not going to laugh at you,’ todd lies, already feeling his cheeks pull into a grin. ‘you can tell me, it’s okay.’

his boyfriend looks livid. jaw ticking minuscule centimetres, body poised for a jump so he can start off strong, if todd really does provoke him any further. it won’t come to that, obviously – it’s been years since the day they pointed a gun at each other – but todd still finds it fun to test how far he can rile things up. 

quite far, he thinks, eyeing the way black is tensed on their tiny sofa. like a cat. always bracing. 

‘i don’t have your stupid keys,’ he repeats, voice dropping to a register way white could never manage to mimic. ‘get a fucking taxi and get out.’

the situation is like this: it’s stretching into the later hours of evening. todd has a long drive to reach a weekend conference, and his car keys to find before he can do that. black would rather his tongue shrivel up and rot before he’s ever forced to admit out loud that he’ll maybe miss todd, but that’s okay—

he knows. actions speak louder than words and all that jazz. if the fact that he’s hidden todd’s keys is anything to go by, black is as good as transparent right now. 

todd doesn’t fight the urge to push into the other’s space. with black, there’s no quieting the rush of emotion. he’s long since stopped trying. confessing first, surrendering fights, todd is okay with almost all of it, when the bargain means he gets to lose to black. 

ducking the hand that shoves at him is child’s play. he’d know black’s moves even in his sleep. ’you know, you could always come with me,’ he offers. just like he has for the past week since they found out he has to go. his formal pants are creasing in protest at the way he’s squatting, but todd couldn’t care less. ‘it’s only three days. we can drive around and sightsee once every day’s session is over.’

black stares at him, unimpressed. ‘pass. we’ve got other things to handle here.’

ah, right. the gang. todd nods. wonders which politician is about to have his dirty laundry aired this time. 

‘but maybe you can come back a little early,’ black continues, eyes relaxing a little as he smirks. ‘it’s a long weekend off for me.’

and look, todd wants to care. he wants to ask about the reason, even though he suspects the answer is obvious. that straw structure of a law firm black’s interning at can barely keep their lights running, always at odds with some city council or public figure. they’re probably lying low again for the millionth time since his boyfriend started working with them. 

but the genuine truth is todd doesn’t care about them. he’ll put up with all the shittiest apartments to live in, all the creaky fans and noisy neighbours if it’s black, but beyond that? not a hope. 

besides, black is so rarely in the playful, bite-y mood where it can swing between fantastic sex or a fun, loud argument that to miss out on this opportunity would be todd’s worst mistake. so. as god intended, where black leads, he follows. 

later, when they’re done and todd is rushing to put his blazer back on, something will jingle and hit the ground. black will pick up his car keys and give him a blank look. ‘did you,’ he’ll begin to ask. ‘did you have your keys in your own pocket this whole time?’

at which point todd will simply have to leap for the door with a prayer on his lips. 

but for now, this is good. 

–

white doesn’t think he's a romantic. 

gram and yok will laugh at him and then give him hell for being a hypocrite but it’s true. white has never been the romantic sort and definitely not before he returned to thailand. 

everything that’s happened with sean has been…nothing short of a miracle, really.

they had a rough journey but they’re here now, and that’s what matters. white not acting super romantic or big about his gestures is a non-issue, in the grand scheme of things. he’s gotten fairly good at expressing his love through the smaller acts.

which is the number one reason why hanging out around his brother and his boyfriend is life’s worst torture.

because with them, the gestures are everywhere. 

during their scheduled double date nights, in the middle of random facetime calls, out in public, or in those two’s shitty little apartment – it’s constant. 

and it drives white crazy.

‘because you want us to be the cutest couple?’ sean asks, confused and sleep-deprived the one time white tries to share this.

‘we are the cutest couple,’ he has to inform his boyfriend before realising this is no good. sean won’t understand. probably for the best. he’d be gagging constantly if he picked up on just how annoying todd and black are.

so white stays quiet, suffers the weight of his observations alone. watches as todd smiles at black across a crowded room; as his brother replies to goodnight texts when they do a twins-only drinking night; as black combs through soup recipes when todd falls sick.

it’s nauseating but at least he’s no longer spending every waking hour worried they’ll strangle each other in that tiny apartment.

and anyway, he thinks, enjoying how todd is currently snapping at black. apparently his brother’s stuffed an expensive painting in their cramped ‘storage room’ this time. it’s good consolation to know that his brother’s no better at conventional romance than him.

[hotdamnhunnam]

He Calls Me Honey Tits

A/N: So it’s been AGES since I’ve written for King Arthur, though I’ve been meaning to write a smutty fic about his ‘honey tits’ quote for longer than I can remember 🤪 I fucking love this cheeky little character!! This fic is super short and silly but whatever 🙃 Inspired by a recent Brothel Boy Arthur post, and a gif of the ‘honey tits’ quote (credit to my dear @kesskirata for both of those! ✨)

Pairing: King Arthur x F!Reader Warnings: smut(ish?), swearing, references to Arthur being a chick magnet and a dick magnet and fucking like a rabbit but you’re his favorite bad habit

Word Count: ~1.2k

He’s not a whore.

He’s just a boy born into poverty who likes money and wants a little more.

But boy no longer—all the women who have raised him in this brothel have made sure he wouldn’t waste away in hunger—taken care to help him grow bigger and stronger.

He’s a man now, little Arthur. And he wants to pay his dues because he can now. In his youth he’d often bat those bright blue eyes at clientele to draw in business but by now his charms can go a little farther.

And by God is he a charmer.

To the women of the brothel he’s become a knight in shining fucking armor.

Rakes in profits like it’s nothing.

There’s that face of his for one thing. Flawless features set in place so delicately it’s disgusting. Handsome in a way that’s rugged though his beauty is refined—every last muscle of his chiseled body perfectly defined—he’s so enticing it’s insulting. Not surprising that the bastard walks and talks with the bravado of a motherfucking king.

Scores of young ladies and gentlemen—and not-so-young ladies and not-so-gentlemen—flock to this humble little brothel from across the goddamn kingdom. Pray this pretty specimen will stick his thick pink hunk of sweet honey-glazed ham in them.

No telling just how often he accepts these many offers. But he’s taken many lovers. All in service of the women whom he honors as his mothers, glad that he can earn some coin to fill their coffers.

There’s one thing you know for sure, about his habits: Arthur has his regulars. His favorites. Clients he enjoys receiving, patrons he’ll indulge for hours any given evening, tirelessly fuck about like rabbits. The man is fucking good at sex now that he’s old enough to properly have it.

He has his favorites.

And you’re one of them. Lucky for you since you’re in fucking love with him. Amidst your recent steamy trysts, the two of you went off and fell in love like stupid fucking idiots.

He calls you honey tits.

***************

“Put your ring back on, honey tits.”

Arthur is carrying on calmly as if you two aren’t stuck in some deep shit.

You should’ve known that soon enough your jealous husband would learn of your dirty secret. You had tried so hard to keep it, but he’s caught you in the bedroom of a boy-whore and is just standing and staring like an idiot.

The two of you should never have been wedded. You’d stopped giving half a shit about the sanctity of marriage once you lost track of how many whores he’d bedded. Though whatever bond you once shared with your husband is now dead, he’d certainly never agree with you about it. Sees you as his breeding mare, and obviously doesn’t care, that it’s truly not fucking fair.

Pull off your wedding band, the ring you wish was never on your hand. Call him an old impotent pig, and tell him that you need a proper cock that’s good and hard and big. Shoot him a dark murderous glare.

And his reaction is... quite bad. Prepares to storm across the room and throttle you like mad.

Till Arthur intervenes—he’d called you honey tits and said that you should put your ring on so as not to cause a scene. “You haven’t had enough porridge this morning yet to talk like that.”

He knows how much porridge you’ve had. Because the two of you are breaking fast together. It’s routine: you’ll drop by at the crack of dawn for him to pound your cunt till it’s never been wetter. Come midmorning pause to eat porridge and chat. Then back to bed, and once young Arthur is well fed, the epic sex is even better. That’s how you’ve fallen wildly in love with him in two months flat.

You’ve come to know him from these talks. You’ve learned that not only his big cock, as it barrels through your holes, but also his brilliantly beautiful soul, is worthy of your love and worship.

Art has more to say to your pig of a husband as the swine grabs for his sword. Addresses him respectfully although he’s not a lord. “And if you like that sword so much, your lordship...”

Good God, where’s he going with this. In the months since you’ve known Arthur you’ve become accustomed to his stupid cheekiness.

“...then I’d guess you’re compensating for another stick that can’t take care of business.”

Sigh.

At least your lover has succeeded in diverting all your husband’s rage toward him instead of you. Rises to your defense just as a noble knight would do. Though his affront dug low his virtue flies quite high.

Your husband lunges furiously toward him but you barely bat an eye, because you’re well aware that Arthur has been trained for all his life to win a fight. Whereas your lawfully wedded swine has trouble hauling his ass up the fucking staircase every night.

And sure enough the scuffle ends just as quickly as it begins. Art has the other man flat on the floor in less than ten seconds. The sword is in his hands. The war his to command.

The pig struggles to stand. Stares at you like an idiot again.

“What in the king’s name are you doing with this man?” he asks though really he should reckon.

Arthur chuckles with a soft shake of his head. Plops his fine ass down on the bed. Gestures for you to join him and you do just as he beckons.

Soon ‘the king’s name’ will be his though no one yet knows that’s the fate for which he’s destined. That you’ll someday be beside him as his queen when his life heads in that direction.

Just for now he’s just a whore.

And you’re so lucky that he’s yours.

Your lover smirks watching your husband try and fail to gather up the shattered pieces of his ego from the floor. “Now you can either watch us fuck, or head downstairs to try your luck. I doubt that any of the ladies in this house would care to lie with such a swine. But that’s your chance to take. Their call to make, not mine.”

Bright blue eyes cast the pig a look beneath dangerously furrowed brows, making it clear that if he tries to take his anger out on any of the women in this house... Arthur will know it and will sever his skull clean off of his spine.

The truth is your husband himself is now aroused.

Everyone is a whore for Arthur in this humble little whorehouse.

Cuckold can’t even be blamed—here in the presence of a god it’s not his fault—but he’s ashamed, and makes a sad attempt to hide that fact behind a feeble insult. “You faithless bitch! How could you possibly have spurned me for this little boy-whore idiot? What could you ever come to love about this sorry sack of shit?”

A million things, you think as you beam up at the born king. A million reasons to love him. Mention only one of them. One of your fucking favorites.

“He calls me honey tits.”

***************

... Continued in Part 2!

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[boxofbadaddiction]

A Reason to Smile

Fred Weasley x Reader

This Story is inspired from a request of my Movie Lines Prompt List.

Prompts: 4, 10 & 16

"Let's put a smile on that face."/"Go ahead, make my day."/"Yippee ki yay, Motherfucker."

Warnings: Swearing. Umbridge.

Y/n woke up in a foul mood. With less than 3 hours sleep after having spent the whole night in detention with Umbridge and just can't seem to find a reason to smile. Even the thought of spending the day with her best friends, Fred and George, fills her with somewhat dread.

She doesn't want to see anyone. Do anything. Or go anywhere. Which is totally unideal for a Saturday. If things were to go her way she'd just roll over and stay in bed.

But she's starving so there's just no avoiding the inevitable.

Begrudgingly she pulls herself from her bedsheets and readies for breakfast.

As she arrives in the Great Hall she keeps her eyes trained to the floor, bee-lining for a place far enough away from the other students in her House to simply eat in peace before disappearing back to her dorm for the day.

But of course, with Fred and George as your best friends, how could she have possibly expected that to go to plan?

"Hey, y/n/n!" One of the Twins shout as they made their way over to her House table for breakfast. Their typical peppy demeanour mocked her, as it seemed impossible to draw herself from her current bad mood. Unable to even muster a fake, courteous smile for the sake of conversation.

"What happened to you last night?" spoke George as they sat either side of their dishevelled appearing friend. "Popped out to hand in some homework and we never saw you again. What'd you get lost?" He teased, nudging her shoulder in the process while his brother chuckled at the remark.

"I'm sorry I disappeared but please guys not today. I'm not in the mood."

"Woah, what's with the tone, love? And not in the mood? Please! You're always in the mood for us" Fred goaded pulling y/n into his side by her waist. A guesture which would usually have her leaning into his touch but not today.

She shook herself from his hold with a huff, leaning onto the table she propped her head up by the palm of her hand.

Neither Twin knew how to react, she'd never been so put off by them before. "Y/n...are you okay?" Fred asked sincerely. Both boys were eyeing her concernedly.

Y/n avoided eye contact, staring fixedly at her, now cold, bowl of porridge as she stabbed at it with her spoon. That's when Fred noticed it. The pink discolouration on the back of her hand. His heart dropped at the sight. She'd obviously been with Umbridge last night.

"Y/n-" his voice was firm as he spoke, drawing her and Georges attention immediately, his eyes flicked briefly to hers before focusing solely on the forming scar. "Your hand."

"It's nothing." Y/n straightened herself tucking her hand into her lap with a slight wince as the fabric of her clothes caught the still tender surface of her wound. Her other hand came to grip at its forearm to distract herself from the dull throbbing pain which now coursed through her hand.

"It's not nothing!" Fred snapped harshly, but as a whisper so not to draw too much unwanted attention.

George delicately reached across her lap lifting her injured hand into the light, his own eyes near shaking as they searched desperately between hers and his brothers expressions before inspecting the words she'd been forced to carve into her own flesh all night.

"I will obey the rules" he read the words aloud, the very phrase causing a sick bile to rise in each boys throat.

"I was busted on my way back. She told me I need to 'be more aware of the company I keep' less something like this happen again" y/n mumbled with distaste, her eyes locked determinedly onto the tables edge.

There was a moments silence between the three, all seemingly afraid to speak, before George stood abruptly, storming from the hall. An action which caused y/n to close her eyes tightly, drawing a sharp breath in, attempting to distract from the tightness that'd formed in her chest in knowing the effect her words had on the pair.

She never intended on telling them about the detention. They'd surely blame themselves for her being out past curfew as it was their idea to meet up in the first place. But it's not like she didn't understand the risk of what she was doing when she did it.

They knew those few words all too well. Umbridge had spoken them to her before, countless times by this point.

The first time, the Twins had been pestering y/n in the courtyard when she approached. They were lounged about one of the concrete benches under the courtyards largest tree. Freds head was in Y/ns lap, as she read, poking her cheek in an attempt to gain her full attention whilst George sat on her otherside, all his weight pressing against her as he sighed boredly.

Umbridge had deemed their behaviour 'not school appropriate' and 'not in compliance' with Educational Decree Number 31; as Boys and Girls are not permitted to be within 8 inches of each other.

The Brothers had laughed at her, a poorly timed 'you're kidding' thrown her way as Fred swung his legs off the bench now sitting upright. A few more cheekily placed comments landed the pair in detention for the night.

She highly disapproved of y/ns relationship with the Twins and had no issue voicing the fact and so before parting she'd issued that very same warning to y/n, stating matter-of-factly; "You should be more cautious of the company which you keep. Such a promising young witch, it'd be a shame to see your talents go to waste or future be tarnished for that matter by the carelessness of others whom are less gifted." She'd uttered the words with sharp glares thrown down her nose to the two Weasleys.

From that moment it'd become somewhat of a catch phrase for her everytime the threesome caught her attention.

Y/ns head dropped, mumbling a soft "I'm sorry, Fred."

"You have nothing to be sorry for, love." He rubbed small comforting circles on the lower of her back before pulling her waist as he had done so earlier. Inching closer so their legs were pushed flush together as he rest his chin atop her shoulder nestling into her neck. A touch which, this time, she did not shy away from - rather craning her head back to rest against his.

"I just don't think I'm someone you'll want to be around today." She admitted sadly, "I can't bring myself to enjoy anything."

"Well that just won't do" Fred pulled his head back to look into her eyes with a cheeky knowing expression. But even that wasn't enough to bring a rise to her saddened features. "Come on," he nudged her shoulder, "let's put a smile on that face." He spoke with a smirk.

"Reckon you can?"

"Of course!" Fred nodded with a tone of absolutely certainty.

"Well go ahead, make my day." Y/n challenged, which brought an excited smile to Freds face. He jumped from his place at the table holding an expectant hand out for her to take which she accepted a little hesitantly.

"Should we go find George? See if he's okay?"

"Nah, he'll be fine. Besides, this way I get you all to myself." Fred squeezed her hand a little tighter as he all but dragged his friend from the Hall.

A few hours had past and Fred were still relentlessly determined to make today one of the best days possible for y/n. Surprisingly he'd started off small with a just few well timed jokes and casual strolls around the Castle simply trying to keep her occupied on anything other than those toxic thoughts that kept her from enjoying the day.

As lunch approached he'd upped his game. Grabbing a few snacks from the kitchens and taking her down to her favourite place by the Lake where they spent the time talking together; sharing various stories while Fred told countless jokes to make her laugh and spoke of their newest inventions for the joke shop.

Y/n was sure she hadn't stopped smiling since the moment they'd left the Hall. Fred just had that effect on her but with every small guesture and tender smile thrown her way there was just no stopping the butterflies that erupt in her chest or the warmth that spread to her cheeks from his flirty comments and kind words.

By this point she'd nearly forgotten the whole reason he were so determined to make today so memorable.

But Georges absence and the light stinging in her hand was a nagging little reminder at the back of her mind which stopped her from falling wholly into the moment.

"Alright, Miss." Fred shot up from his place on the grass, dusting his hands on his jeans as he did so. "Onto grander things!" He held his hands out for her to take, pulling her giggling figure from the ground. "What could you possibly have planned now?" "Oh just a little mischief." He grinned as his tongue grazed his bottom lip before threading itself between his teeth, eyeing her closely. Y/ns eyes narrowed at his words untrusting of whatever plan his brain had suddenly cooked up. There were no time to question however as she were promptly being pulled to the Castle as the Sun fell below the horizon.

"You dragged me back to the Castle like a man possessed for dinner!?" Y/n questioned as they entered the Great Hall alongside countless of the other Hogwarts residents.

"Well yes and no. Yes; because you need to have a proper meal today aside from a couple sad mouthfuls of porridge and a dozen sweets. No; because for my next trick we will in fact be needing our beloved Georgie." "Do you think he's okay?" "One way to find out isn't there? OI! George!" Fred pushed through the dawdling individuals in the aisles between the Gryffindor and Hufflepuff tables, pulling y/n along behind him to where his Twin were currently seated for dinner.

"Hey Georgie" y/n began in a sad tone as she sat beside him. "Are you okay?" She stroked his arm reassuringly as she spoke. "Yeah I'm fine. Sorry I took off this morning I-" "ah-ah!" Fred piped from her otherside, "no morning talk. Look you're ruining all my good work!" He commented pointing to the concerned frown which were now upon y/ns features. "What?" "Dear Freddie here has been spending the day trying to get my mind off things." "Right right...Ginny mentioned something about Fred dragging you around the school all day." "Yes, and until now it'd been working so just...perk up. Which shouldn't be hard once I tell you my plan" Fred rubbed his hands together in anticipation.

"Plan?" "Know that thing we've been dying to try but haven't had the occasion?" he stated vaguely which had concern growing in the pit of y/ns stomach. Concern which only worsened as she watched how Georges features shifted swiftly from one of slight disinterest to immediate excitement. "Really? You wanna do that tonight?" His smile was wicked and a little frightening in y/ns opinion as he questioned his brother who merely hummed in response. "Reckon I can name a few select members of a certain 'club' who would make excellent guinea pigs." Continued George in a whisper over top of y/n "You've read my mind." Fred took a sip from a drink y/n had just poured, for herself mind you.

Y/ns focus was shifting worriedly between the two brothers who sat on her either side sharing an unspoken understanding.

"Stop doing that you're freaking me out!" She snapped which caused the boys to laugh, George mumbling a simple "You're in for a treat" as he turned his attention back to his dinner with a sly grin.

Y/n looked back to Fred hoping for some kind of hint or reassurance but he just smiled, wrapping his arm round her waist and pulling her into his side as he began to eat.

"You really think you're going to get away with this?" Y/ns voice rang throughout the empty corridor. "Only one way to find out" Fred wiggled his eyebrows at her.

The pair were currently hiding around the corner of the 7th floor main corridor. It were past curfew as the Twins plan fell into play.

"Explain to me again what exactly these things are?" Y/n asked as she fiddled with a small cylindrical canister. "Paint bombs." Fred answered excitedly. "Similar to Dungbombs just-" "with paint?" "Pretty much, yeah. You pull this little tab, then you have about 7 seconds before it goes off. This one in particular is my favourite so far." "And whys that?" "You'll see" Fred smiled brightly down at her before the sound of approaching footsteps put an end to their conversation.

George barrelled down the hallway, throwing himself into the pair very much out of breath but with a smile as wide as Fred's had been moments ago.

"All set?" "Yeah. They should be coming through any minute now." The three craned their necks around the walls edge, waiting for their unsuspecting victims. It didnt take long before the sound of several pairs of agitated feet came stomping through the corridor.

Filch followed by a handful of the Inquisitorial Squad were huddled together in shared annoyance by the antics of George which were leading them directly into their trap. Various curses and angry grumbles could only faintly be heard over the distance between them.

"Right" Fred whispered as the three ducked back behind the wall, he gave George and y/n a quick nod before tearing the small tab from it's place. "Yippe Ki Yay, Motherfucker." He spoke dramatically as he stepped out, throwing the Paint Bomb like a grenade towards the befuddled group of Slytherins and accompanying Caretaker.

Quickly shooting himself back behind the wall where all three waited with baited breaths and backs pressed flush to the cold stone wall.

"Not a day goes by that I don't regret showing you Die Hard." Y/n mumbled, a comment which brought a wide smile to Freds face as he looked down to her. A few more seconds past before a loud crack and angry shouts echoed through the Castle.

Y/n looked in amazement to see the Hall covered in multicoloured, sparkling, paint as well as orange and gold confetti. There was something beautiful about it she thought. All the vibrant pinks, blues and purples caught the eye like a giant canvas painting. Aside from the ugly squabbling creature, that had once been the Inquisitorial Squad, at the pieces centre of course.

She was in tears from laughing at the sight when Fred leant down to speak in her ear "whataya think?" "I think it's brilliant!" She smiled up at him, "that's the messiest one we've got." He nodded in the direction of the chaos currently unfolding before them.

The group were slipping over themselves and wiping hands down their faces in disgust over the thick liquid which coated them all, as well as the ceiling and walls.

"It was also the only one." George scowled though clearly very amused. "Worth it though wouldn't you say?" "Absolutely."

Freds eyes turned back to y/n, admiring her laughing figure beside him.

"We'll count that one a success heya, Freddie?" George nudged but his brothers trance was not so easily broken. "Definitely" he smiled not turning away from her.

"Shit!" Y/n exclaimed suddenly. "Yeah, I'd say it's time to go." George stated as he watched the very colourful and very angry group now charging after them.

George took off in a sprint but it weren't till y/n began running, taking a hold of Freds hand as she did so that he fully registered what was going on and started to run too.

Fred and Y/n had ended up in her common room after losing George. Luckily it were late enough that not many people were still hanging about so the two pretty much had the place to themselves. Spending a few more moments just being together and reliving the day by the fire, it weren't till the clock struck 12am that Fred admit he should be getting back to his dormitory. Not that he wanted to but y/n needed to sleep after her restless night prior, he hadn't meant to keep her up this late to begin with.

Pulling her from the couch he walked her to the bottom of her dorm rooms staircase where she stood a couple stairs from the bottom to match his height.

It'd slipped the pairs notice that they were still holding one anothers hand until their joined laughter faltered and the warmth in their palms caused realisation to strike. Fred dropped the hold clearing his throat as he rubbed the back of his neck.

"Thank you for today, Freddie." Y/n smiled warmly. "Pretty memorable, aye? Told you I'd get you smiling." He rocked confidently on the balls of his feet. Y/n shook her head slightly as she absent-mindedly stroked his arm. "Don't know what I'd do without you." "Probably nag George" he joked.

"As much as I love Georgie, it wouldn't be the same" Freds eyes studied her face the whole time she spoke. He could feel his heart begin to race inside his chest. If only she knew how much he wished he could hear her say she loved him.

"Goodnight, Freddie" y/n placed a light kiss to his cheek, grip tightening ever-so-slightly on his bicep before turning slowly to leave.

His heart was thundering now. Breaths rapid as his body urges him to speak. To tell her everything.

How he's in love with her and he's sure she feels the same way.

How she's the first thing on his mind of a morning and the last thing at night. How his whole family has been pushing him to just pluck up the courage and ask her out already. How nothing makes him happier than seeing her smile. How he never wanted to go to the Ball as 'just friends'. How he smells her perfume in Amortentia. That the sight of her at breakfast this morning, so down and distraught, broke his heart. How for the last few hours it's taken near all his strength to stop himself kissing her with as much love and passion as he can to show her how much she means to him.

But how do you convey all that to someone who has been your best friend for the past 5 years? No clue. But he has to try and he knows he'll never get this kind of opportunity again.

"Y/n, wait-" he grabs her arm, taking a step towards her he pulls her into his chest. Before he can process it his hand is cupping her cheek and he's kissing her with such intensity y/n can feel the air leave her lungs as she melts into him. Her arms snaking over his body. A hand running itself along his shoulder, fingers entangling themselves in the locks of hair at the base of his neck, whilst the other wraps tightly around his torso.

When they finally break apart Fred's on cloud nine. Nothing had ever felt so good or so right. But at the same time, he's panicking. God, he hopes she truly does feel the same way and he didn't just completely misread everything about their relationship. Their foreheads are pressed together as y/ns lips form a wide smile.

"If you wanted to give me a reason to smile today...you could have just started with that."

[spilledcrabs]

Dude if Frenda had a pet it’d either be like a bunny named Herbert or a motherfucking centipede named Porridge

HERBERTKMJNB FRENDA HAS A PET PORCUPINE NAMED FUCK </3