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little-one-eyed-monsters · 25 days ago

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Saw a post calling our tortured superstar Akin from Top Form the poorest meow-meow in BL history. Though I do agree that he's been having a downright traumatic career so far, there are other BL MCs out here who can give him a run for his money.

So let's commiserate together and celebrate these brilliant characters who deserve better than what the BL gods handed to them. If you haven't seen any of these shows, and you're a drama fan, I really recommend these great picks.

Presenting:

10 BL characters who deserve better (and what I think should've been a better ending):

In order of dewy meow-meow to rain-soaked kitty. And of course, spoilers ahead for the listed shows:

10. Third (Theory of Love)

Oh Third my dear, what are we to do with you? You simped too hard on a womanizer, took "I can fix him" as a personal motto, and spent a couple thousand dollars on non-refundable Blackpink tickets. If this wasn't an OffGun vehicle, I swear I would've scoffed at that "happy" ending. Alas, I have my biases, so Third is chained to red flag Khai until he comes to his senses.

Better ending: Third could've chosen someone else, ANYONE else--Un, Shane, that poor guy at the bar who gets punched by Khai. Anyone who appreciates Third for who he is and not what he can bring to the relationship.

9. Jin Hong Seok (You Make Me Dance)

From the moment we were introduced to Jin Hong Seok in that snowy campus, until the end credits of the movie/series finale rolled through our screens, we learn next to nothing about him as a person. We know he's a debt collector who absolutely hates his job, listens to love advice on the radio during his free time, and is being (implicitly) perved on by his boss, but we don't necessarily know why he's suffering in the situation he's in. Why are you stuck at this job, do you owe them money? Where're your family and friends? Why do you need to move away with your boss just because you fell in love with this dancer who owes your company money? Why are you wearing the same jacket for the past three episodes?

We will never know, and this makes Jin Hong Seok ten times sadder as a character.

Better ending: Not an ending, but just a better back story I guess? Because the pay-off where he gets together with Song Shi On only feels partly satisfying as the conflict is virtually non-existent.

8. Fukuhara Kota (Mr. Unlucky Has No Choice But To Kiss)

One of my all time favorite Japanese BLs (and a truly underrated gem) had the poorest sunshine meow meow to ever exist onscreen. Kota is the unluckiest boy in the world in the Murphy's law sense-- everything that can go wrong, does go wrong on a day-to-day basis. Poor boy couldn't even leave the house without getting into some sort of accident. And some of these accidents are actually life-threatening (he got hostaged at some point!). Despite all this, Kota has one of the sunniest dispositions out of any mc I've seen-- it's honestly so refreshing. He deserves better because he's a good person.

Better ending: Though the ending does imply that he and his boyfriend Shinomiya Naoya (the luckiest boy) will balance each other out by being together, I'd prefer it if Kota somehow loses the unlucky streak completely on his own, like a curse removal of some sort. The boy deserves a break.

7. Ye Guang (About Youth)

This sweet and beautiful bean is the unfortunate by-product of ultra-rich, neglectful, abusive parents and a Taiwanese school system that pressures its students to conform to impossible ideals. He embodies all Asian kids driving themselves to anxiety or depression (or both) just to ace college entrance exams, while shooting each other down for a chance at a scholarship they all equally deserve. Ye Guang is a good kid despite his family's abuse, and is experiencing genuine love and care for the first time in his lonely existence. He totally deserved to be boo'ed up by the end of the series.

Better ending: What would've been a better ending is if they sent those parents to jail for domestic abuse (let's include Zhang's drunk uncle in there, too). Or strip them off of parental rights-- give my boy Ye Guang emancipation from his sorry excuse for a family.

6. Wei Qian (Unknown)

Wei Qian was saddled with one of the saddest backstories in BL history. Born the eldest son of a prostitute who offs herself by taking too many drugs, Wei Qian was forced to work shady jobs at an early age to care for his younger sister and adopted brother. Through his resourcefulness he was able to give all of them a better life, until a serious injury threatens his health.

Better ending: This is a hot take, but I would have preferred it if the story gave Wei Qian a chance to truly explore what he wanted in life . I wanted him to meet new people and date more. Everyone in the story had the chance to pursue other ventures except for Wei Qian; I think he should be allowed to prioritize himself and still end up with Zhi Yuan.

5. Mhok (Last Twilight)

Mhok is an unfortunate victim of social circumstance-- an orphan who lost his older sister the night he went to jail for misdemeanor. He becomes a free man with no surviving family to speak of, no career prospects, and compelled to take care of an ex-girlfriend who was impregnated by someone abusive.

But somewhat similar to the others on this list, Mhok is one heck of a resilient human being-- rolling with the punches while retaining sympathy and kindness for those he deems less fortunate than he is. However, he's usually portrayed as the carer, who often disregards his own welfare for the sake of others. So... who cares for Mhok?

Better ending: Mhok gets the proper therapy to process the trauma from incarceration and his sister's death. ALSO: he shouldn't have to be forced to break up with Day just to get a better job abroad. The internet exists-- long distance relationships are a thing now. That forced separation was UNNECESSARY.

4. Kang Gook (Where Your Eyes Linger)

An orphan forced to be the bodyguard/childhood companion of a spoiled rich kid, who treats him like a personal security blanket, has to be one of the worst backstories anyone can get in a BL. Kang Gook's boss/childhood friend/later boyfriend Han Tae Joo is not the worst partner compared to others mentioned on this list, but his attitude could use some work, and his family is severely problematic. Stuck in the crosshairs, Kang Gook loses his home, employment, opportunities, and boyfriend once Tae Joo's father finds out they're in a relationship and forces them apart.

Better ending: Kang Gook elopes with Han Tae Joo as soon as the father orders their separation 😅 if you're going to lose everything anyway, then go for it and don't look back.

3. Joe (My Stand-In)

Though this list includes Kota who is canonically deemed "the unluckiest person", I think Joe is the TRUE most unfortunate out of all of these souls. Orphaned at a young age and with no family willing to take him in, he worked odd jobs until he became one of the best stunt doubles in the industry. But as soon as his career starts properly taking off, he meets Ming, second son and heir to one of the richest families in Thailand, and the most spoiled creature to ever walk the Earth. Ming's intervention with Joe's career inadvertently leads to Joe's actual death on set (dear God). Fate takes pity, and transfers his soul into another man also named Joe, with a budding career in the modelling industry and a mom who dearly loves him. But newly-reincarnated and in debt, Joe once again find himself working for Ming (and he dies once mo-- no wait, he lives this time? Alright.)

Joe, I love you and I really do sympathize with you, but the only reason you didn't top this list is because your second involvement with Ming is very clearly YOUR FAULT. You could've borrowed money from any of your friends (Wut is LOADED with money, a trusted father figure, and your boss-- he would have helped you out. Sol is a KPop icon who also makes A LOT of money. Heck, even Yim could've hooked you up with extra gigs). Choosing to whore yourself out to Ming seemed like a YOU problem at some point.

Better ending: Joe gets a restraining order against Ming and the rest of that family. Tong goes to jail. And Joe ends up with... Secretary Jim 😅 (why? Because that would piss Ming off even more).

2. Yu Xi Gu (History 3: Make Our Days Count)

Here's a guy who actually deserves to be reincarnated (sorry, Joe). Yu Xi Gu is yet another orphan (sooo many orphans on this list) who lives alone and is trying to put himself through high school so he can get a chance at a better life. A solitary ray of sunshine who's trying his best to earn an honest living and keep his hopes up, Yu Xi Gu's life gets a little bit brighter (and infinitely more exciting) when school delinquent Xiang Hao Ting falls madly in love with him. They start planning their future together and get into their respective dream schools when...

Better ending: Yu Xi Gu should NOT HAVE DIED. If you haven't seen this show before, this isn't a spoiler; it's a WARNING. This whole series was all fluff and cotton candy and matching dream charts before Yu Xi Gu gets hit by a car OUT OF NOWHERE. No foreshadowing, no implications of anything going wrong. He just leaves the house to buy salt and never comes back. And the finale is just Xiang Hao Ting barely surviving life without his sunshine. WHAT THE HELL, SHOW.

And the poorest meow-meows:

1. Korn and Intouch (Until We Meet Again)

They are a twofer because their fates are infinitely tied together. In one of the most unique twists in BL, Korn and Intouch are the past versions of the lead MCs Dean and Pharm. Sometime in the 60s, Korn, the son of a local gang leader, fell in love with the sweetest sunshine boy Intouch while they were both studying at uni. Both of their families disapprove and force them apart. They run away, but their families catch up to them and threaten them (and each other) with violence. Sensing no hope for their love, they decide to off themselves to end the suffering.

Better ending: Nobody dies, EVERYBODY LIVES (wait, is this an ao3 tag? 😅). Their parents see eye-to-eye, sing kumbaya, and hold a big, gay wedding fit for the disco theme of the 60s.

Honorable mentions (and better endings):

- Bai Luo Yin (Addicted)- dude should've received child support checks from his selfish mom.

- Hira Kazunari (Utsukushii Kare)- should've chosen someone else except his childhood bully as his boyfriend. Dude went to the Joe school of falling in love, apparently.

-Wei Wuxian (The Untamed)- a better ending? Try a better story. The whole plot of The Untamed seemed to be a battle of who can torture Wei Wuxian the most. The only reason why he isn't on the official list is because his ending was infinitely better than the whole story arc combined.

-Shin Da On (Light on Me)- someone needed to love this third-wheeling meow meow. Line up gentlemen, he's available.

-Tang Yi (History 3: Trapped)- my mafia homie didn't deserve to go to prison. His family's messed up clan war is not his fault. He deserves to have a quiet life with his insane cop of a boyfriend instead.

That's all and stay kooky, folks 😊

#multi bl #bl suggestions #theory of love #you make me dance #mr. unlucky has no choice but to kiss #about youth #unknown #last twilight #where your eyes linger #my stand in #history 3: make our days count #until we meet again #history 3: trapped #the untamed #addicted #utsukushii kare #light on me #top form the series

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mechazushi · 12 days ago

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Watercolor Memories

"And where are we at on the budget for the Research and Development Department?" Jozu Nogizaka, the Chief of Staff for Ariaka base asked from his seat at the conference table.

All the higher ups for the First Division were settled in one of the larger meeting rooms for the bi-monthly debriefing where everyone with an important job title get together to make sure everyone is on the same page. Not only was the Chief of Staff and his fellow associates there, but the Head Director of the Defense Force, Isao Shinomya. His assistant as well as Narumi Gen were there as well, with all three of them in different states of mental presence. The Director was listening as intently as he could, seeing as he had the most to gain or lose from a lack of communication from inside his cabinet members. Ebira looked to be following along for the most part, but any light that would normally be in one's eyes had dissipated considerably early into this drool meeting. Narumi, openly picking his nose with his feet up on the table, had certainly lost any and all interest in this communal interaction a while ago.

Which made it a good thing that he had enforced his decision to bring Kafka Hibino to the meeting with him. Not being one for paperwork, much less anything not related to the active takedown of kaiju threats, he usually got dragged along to these meetings by his second in command, Eiji Hasegawa. Recently however, the base had acquired the biological enigma that was Kafka and once they had deemed him not an immediate threat, they had run out of ideas as for what to do with him. They still weren't comfortable with him traveling outside of base, but had decided that he could at least wander around a few select buildings on the grounds as long as he had supervision. Not one to miss out on exploitative labor, Narumi weaseled his way into letting Kafka act as essentially a personal secretary.

Kafka didn't give it any second thought once he heard the offer since it let him outside of his small, barren closet he had to call a room. It became clear that he should have since most of what Narumi made him do had him chained to a desk piled with paperwork or had him running endless fetch quests for food around base. Still, Kafka went about it without complaint. It was either this or working out his room all alone, losing his mind from worry and baseless fear. Hasegawa wasn't too thrilled about this new arrangement since it meant that the strongest division officer to date just got to laze around more often, but he couldn't deny how Kafka's presence streamlined the paper processing and left him open to pursue actual second-in-command duties. It even worked out better in meetings.

All Hasegawa had to do was drag Narumi with Kafka in tow and go off to finish more important tasks. Kafka turned out to be incredible at note and record taking, so all he did during meetings was make an abbreviated list of important facts that he could rattle off to Narumi when he actually had the capacity and care to acknowledge them. All Narumi had to do was show up and look like he was interested... which was turning out to be the hardest task of all. As the First Division captain continued to look at anything else besides those in the room, Kafka just slid glances in his direction and sighed heavily at the patheticness of it all. Everyone here had made several attempts to correct his behavior, all to no avail. If anything, they've been letting him get away with it more now that Kafka was here to cover his attention deficit ass.

But even Kafka had to admit he was with Narumi on this. These meetings were soul-sucking. It took everything he had in him to keep a running tab in his mind about everything that was being decided on. Even then he didn't have to think that much harder as to how to frame his notes in such a way to make it easier for Narumi to understand at a glance. This left him with plenty of free time in between important bulletins for his mind to wander, and in turn his fingers as well. Kafka didn't get a seat at the table during these meetings and was forced to stand behind Narumi the whole time as he cradled a small tablet to write on.

Holding it in one arm meant he had to type with one hand, which he got impressively good at as the days went on. But since the sentences he wrote were so short, it left him standing there inactive for long periods at a time. Something that would eventually garner judging sneers from the other board members. To avoid these leering glances and an ever present fear of reprimand, he had taken up doodling in the margins of his digital notes. The notes app he wrote in had surprisingly adequate artist's tools that he could pull up and use alongside his typed notes. He, of course, deleted everything before he handed the tablet over to Narumi to read later, but the habit at least made him look busy during the more dull sections of the meetings.

It wasn't his first rodeo in dealing with digital media, but it had been a hot minute since the last time he could only work with a lower standard of equipment. He grew up playing around with the School's built in paint programs, but had eventually gone on to dabble in more advanced programs built specifically for mobile. Really, it just started as a way to kill time at work until he could go home and get a hold of his sketchbooks. What started off as glittering fantasies of being the best warrior known to man being put to paper, shockingly warped itself into anatomical studies of the monsters he butchered apart for most of his life. Once a pastime turned teaching tool had now reverted back to a simpler time. One of daydreams and recovering of memories not yet lost. Kafka drew the faces of those he shared the room with as warm ups, but would quickly find himself trying to draw those he wished to see again more prevalently.

It was a dangerous mindset to find himself in. He had a nasty habit of getting too caught up in how Reno would hold his head or how Haruichi would hold a drink to remember to focus on the words being said around him. To be stuck in the past was never good, especially when keeping your job meant concentrating on the present. In a sick sense of bartering, his mind came up with the solution of instead bringing attention to his past relationship to his ex-vice captain, Soshiro Hoshina. It didn't feel like they were together long, but the memories of their connection burned the brightest even in the darkest recesses of Kafka's mind. Their circumstances had changed drastically from the shrouded image of domesticity that they had gathered for themselves ever since the reveal of what lay dormant in Kafka's chest.

Hoshina was mad about it, that was for sure. Kafka had become so wrapped up in the idea of being loved by the last person he ever thought he deserved it from that he actively shoved his biggest secret under the rug. All just to feel one more day of tender warmth from his lover. Recent events had forced everyone's hands and fresh wounds had to be quickly patched with no real healing touch behind them. Hoshina still came to base every two weeks to train Kafka in Squadron Style hand-to-hand, but neither one made any move to bring up how the reveal seemed to cut down the trust that had been built between them. With the looming threat of another coordinated attack looming over everyone, it had been silently decided that it would have to be put to the side for now.

Kafka was desperate to say he was sorry, in any way he could. That he knew he should have said something earlier, damn the fact that their budding attachment to each other was about as stable as a newborn deer's legs. You don't hide the fact that you have an alien entity buried in your chest just because you want to see how far you can get away with courting above your military station. It wasn't just to see if he could either; He never viewed their love as something so empty and vain. Kafka more than looked up to him. Hoshina was the pinnacle of everything he ever wanted to be growing up. And that same person was looking back at him and telling Kafka that he had a chance; that he believed in him no matter how small that chance was. He wanted to be anything and everything that Hoshina could ever want to see in a partner, in someone that could stand by his side as well as Mina's. Hoshina loving him back was just a bonus.

Kafka just had to hope there would be a moment where he could put it all into words.

"Narumi, if you keep bouncing your heel against the table, I will not hesitate to assign you to janitorial duty for a year." Director Shinomiya gruffly commanded from his seat at the head of the table.

"It's not my fault you geezers are talking about dull shit. Losing my mind over here." Narumi groaned as he moved the offending foot off of the table, the movement snapping Kafka out of his spiraling misery.

"This "Dull Shit" as you so put it is critical for the defense of the nation!" Jozu declared as a fist bounced firmly on the boardroom table.

As Narumi began to engage in a battle of differences with the Chief of Staff, Shinomiya stole a brief look at the wall clock, "Tell you what. If you can tell the group what the last subject we were discussing was, I'll dismiss this meeting early."

"Uhhh... okay. Yeah, sure, I can do that." Narumi drawled as he was caught unaware by the proposition.

"The last thing we were talking about was..." Narumi chewed on his lip as he tried his best to think back to what the conversation was about in the first place. He threw several pleading glances back as a distracted Kafka before leaning back in his chair.

"Psst! Help me out here!" He harshly whispered, his lips almost curling into a snarl from how long it was taking Kafka to answer him.

Kafka fingers flew frantically over the screen as he tried to find the last place he left off in his notes for the meeting. As soon as he found it, he leaned down to Narumi's ear to whisper the answer back.

"We were about to move away from talking about the budget for the R&D department!" Narumi claimed with as much confidence as he could muster.

As everyone in the room glared disapprovingly for a moment longer than comfortable, Narumi began to direct the collective brunt of the glare back towards Kafka, who was visibly sweating buckets. A loud and disappointed sigh soon broke the uncomfortable silence before a creaking of a chair was heard from the head of the table.

"Meeting Adjourned." The director ordered as he stood up, the toll of the meeting now seen more clearly in the lines of his usually impassive face.

While everyone there would have gone on record stating that these meetings were important and necessary to have, it wouldn't have taken a trained eye to see just how fast everyone was leaving the board room. Even the Director let out a low gasp of relief, his sinking shoulders betraying his stone visage in the smallest way possible. Not waiting for more people to leave the room, Narumi didn't hesitate to drag Kafka out by the collar and pulled him out into the connecting hallway. Hoping to corner Kafka somewhere a little more private, he dropped his hand and sauntered away knowing his subordinate would follow closely behind. Narumi had long since caught on to Kafka's tactic of playing around with the tablet to give the appearance of being busy, but hadn't cared about it before now. Having almost been humiliated by the potential distraction made him wonder what could Kafka be doing that garnered so much divided attention. Once they had made a more comfortable distance away from the board room did Narumi start his investigation.

"Mind handing me the notes since you're still here?" The captain requested, starting his attack early. The sudden question made Kafka shake himself out of his fog of thoughts and fumble around with the prematurely dismissed tablet.

"Yeah, sure, give me a second." He answered back as he woke the screen back up.

"A second?" Narumi pressed harshly, leaning in to the irritated energy he developed back in the meeting.

"I-I just want to check for spelling mistakes." Kafka casually lied as a bead of sweat rolling down his temple, betraying his nerves.

"That's bullshit and you know it." Narumi countered as he made a swipe for the device in Kafka's hands.

"What's up with you, Mr. McGrabby Hands? Usually I have to print these out and staple them to your forehead in order for you to read them." Kafka retaliated as he had to dance around his commander, making painstakingly sure the tablet didn't fall into the wrong hands.

"Maybe I just wanna see what kinda shit you're doodling on company time." Narumi growled with determination as he tried every trick in the book to knock the tablet out of Kafka's hands.

"Pfffft, w-who me? I-I'm not doodling! I wouldn't do that!" Kafka sputtered as he cradled the device close to his chest while trying his best to erase all of the artwork he had scrawled in the margins of the pages.

"There's nothing to be ashamed of, Kafka. I would too if I could." Narumi continued to goad as he pressed himself as close as he could over Kafka's back, still in a battle for dominance over the hotly desired device.

"Here, here! Take it! Jesus..." Kafka shouted defensively as he tossed over the tablet into Narumi's surprised hands. Narumi took a moment scrolling excitedly, hoping that Kafka had missed a piece somewhere on the digital pages. His eager grim dropped quickly into a disappointed scowl once he was sure there was nothing incriminating to be seen.

"Told you." Kafka confirmed breathlessly, "Busy with spell checking, like I said."

Narumi eyed him distrustfully through his bangs as he stayed hunched over the tablet. His suspicions over his officer's habits had yet to be dissuaded, but he relaxed his shoulders and took ownership of the device nonetheless.

"Whatever. Anything you draw probably looks like dogshit anyway." Narumi teased maliciously, wondering what kind of reaction he would get if he did.

Seeing the ploy for what it was, Kafka made sure to keep himself looking unshakeable as he tried to stare down his current captain. Soon, the two of them heard a pixelated popping noise that was synonymous with the act of receiving a call over their government issued ear buds. Hasegawa's authoritatively dull tone soon filtered in with a slight crackle.

"Narumi. I request Kafka's presence outside in the West Quadrant. Is he available to do so soon?" The commander's right hand man asked, the sound of the wind unmistakable under his request. Narumi sighed irritably as he gave a long, hard stare right back at Kafka.

"Yeah. Meeting's over so he should be there soon." Narumi answered before he nodded Kafka away, signaling he could go.

Kafka silently bowed back and turned sharply on his heels. Narumi watched as he lightly jogged away at a clipped pace, clearly wanting out of his company. Making sure Kafka didn't come running back for any unknown reason, Narumi picked up the disregarded tablet once again and gave the note screen a thorough once-over. Biting the inside of his cheek, his eyes glanced over the back and forward arrow at the bottom of the screen. He took a chance and tapped on the button several times. His eyes grew wide as he watched the margins of the notes become jarringly splashed in broad strokes of color. Giggling manically to himself, Narumi ran off back to his office so he could study Kafka's colorfully intricate secrets in peace.

Fall in Tachikawa had brought a bitter chill along with the changing of the leaves. It came slicing in on those pervasive and penetrative winds, the kind that makes old men say "It wouldn't be so bad if not for the wind". Soshiro's brother often compared him to this type of weather, saying that if it wasn't for his blades, he would be easier to ignore and that it's more regrettable that he isn't. It was the type of weather that made every fiber of your body run for warmth despite it not being life threatening. Hoshina would have dove for a more welcoming form of warmth, one he had become intensely attached to shockingly quickly, but was forced to supplement it with one cheap glass of beer after another.

He wasn't normally a heavy drinker, not unless you counted coffee. Lately the nights after work had started to require something stronger than coffee and after dark training. Everywhere he walked, it was just another reminder of what he lost. Crumbling walls, cracks in the foundation, it all reminded him of Kafka. It almost felt like it was all taunting him. The cracks and crannies mutating into leering jeers, mocking and slandering him, saying he wasn't strong enough. That if he had taken Number 10 down faster, that the base would still be here, that nobody would have been forced to transfer, that Kafka...

Thus the alcohol. At least with something fermented running through his system, there was a chance Hoshina could redirect his brain to something less soul-sucking. When it was just mug after mug of coffee, all it did was make the thoughts churn faster and bring up every little problem he didn't feel like dealing with right now. With the alcohol, the thoughts were slower. Sure it was the same thoughts, but he could at least buy himself enough time and fake plausible excuses to make himself feel better. His first and most recurring thought being about his current coldness towards his most treasured cadet.

Kafka was a Kaiju...apparently. And he had somehow managed to hide any indication of this affliction during the six months they had been together. Hoshina was beyond mad about it -he was furious- but that feeling did nothing against what he already knew to be self evident about the both of them. Given a second to open his mouth, Hoshina knew that Kafka would spill apology after apology, be on his hands and knees begging for forgiveness. He would probably go so far as to say that he would understand if Hoshina would prefer to never see him again after breaking his trust so demonstrably. It wouldn't stop Kafka from trying anyway, just so he could have a chance to help Hoshina understand that he didn't do it out of maliciousness or genuine distrust. Hoshina had an idea of why he did it, but he didn't want to tear himself up over it any further by jumping to conclusions.

All he knew was that if he was given that same second, he would have cut Kafka's throat before he had a chance to speak. Yes, it was partly because that would be his sick idea of a fitting punishment for not saying anything about it sooner (It's not like he would die from it). But the bigger reason was that Hoshina wouldn't be able to hear Kafka even suggesting they separate over something so trivial. Well, it felt trivial to Hoshina anyway. Soshiro loved Kafka. Even as Kafka was being loaded into the transport, Hoshina had to dig into everything he had not to cut down anyone that would be in his way and drag his dopey partner off over the horizon to whatever sense of safety they could carve out for themselves. He wanted to forgive Kafka just as much as he wanted to forgive Hoshina, but God he was too damn prideful to let this go so easily.

It's not like they had any time to hash this out properly anyway. Not with the attack of Tachikawa Base acting as an indicator for worse to come. He went into his arrangement with Kafka knowing full well that what was being unsaid was going to hurt them both, but talking it out and trying to heal from what would be said would take up so much precious time that they did not have. All this arrangement was to Hoshina was a way to see Kafka one more time, to get to touch him one. more. time. This was his way of making sure that moving forward, Kafka had a chance to be safe, as well as keeping track of how he was feeling. After he explained to Mina what he was going to be doing every week, she wrote down a list of expressions Kafka makes and what they meant. Kafka wasn't just Kaiju Number 8 to the Third Division, and Hoshina had to work with what he could do to make sure Kafka felt anything but unwanted.

But by not saying anything, Hoshina couldn't get back the same treatment Kafka would return tenfold if he just asked. This was the one-sided, unspoken, understanding that sent him to the local bars most nights. He initially despised the the communal loneliness that seemed to permeated the atmosphere of these places, but soon found himself becoming a major contributor of the melancholy fog he once avoided. The dark wood walls offered a sense of artificial coziness while the bartender had a good sense of when to talk it out with a customer and when to just serve and leave. The man behind the bar never offered to converse with him, probably understanding with just a glance that Hoshina's problem wasn't something that could be solved with small talk.

So there he sat. Nursing a third mug of light draft beer and praying that memorizing the wood grain pattern in the mahogany in front of him will be enough to distract him churning mind for one more night. With his eyes crossing and his mind still not quiet, Hoshina quickly understood that he was fighting a loosing battle. With a tired sigh, he pulled out a last ditch effort seeing as he didn't feel fit to head back just yet. He pulled out his phone and began to scroll endlessly, the motions sufficiently rendering his skull numb.

It wasn't something he ever wanted to make a habit out of. He was always going on about how there were so many other tasks that could be done that were more beneficial than doom-scrolling. It made him sound like an out-of-touch senior, but he always stood by that sentiment. Well, before now at least. He hated to admit it but some nights it really was the only thing that could get him distracted enough to sleep. Hoshina pulled up Chatter and skipped over his For You page, preferring to look at more national headlines than anything the algorithm spat in his face. He had only scrolled for a short while before he came across a familiar account profile.

Narumi had had posted something earlier in the day and it was quickly making headway through the notarized list of most fascinating things showcased that day. Hoshina just rolled his eyes at it and quickly moved past it, not feeling like being exposed to whatever attention-whoring shenanigans that fool had cooked up for himself. A few articles later, he felt weirdly compelled to go back up and look at it with the idea that maybe he would feel better if he could glean some scathing retort to it. It might make Narumi's post more popular, but when he joined in the conversation, that just meant that it only drew in more attention because he chimed in. And some days that would be enough for him.

Scrolling back up however, Hoshina was blindsided by the subject of the post. Narumi had posted some art. Not only that, it was art that Hoshina recognized. Hoshina had spent so many hours leaning over the artist's shoulder, critiqued every little doodle that ended up on the bottom of incident reports, and had been the subject of many an artwork that it was impossible for him not to distinguish Kafka's deft hand on the digital canvas. Rounded patches of cool colors cascaded under crisp, but messy line work. Portraits were nothing more than organized scribbles, but the still life's were where Kafka really shined.

In the slim margins of what were clearly meeting notes, Kafka had managed to depict one of the managerial heads sitting across from him at the table, including the top of Narumi's head and boot in frame and in perfect point perspective. "He does not deserve to look like a Renaissance painting" was the caption of the post. Hoshina only caught the heading of the post as he accidentally backed out of observing the screen shots more closely. Looking around the edges of the post, he understood that what he was looking at wasn't even the original post. Clicking one link after another, Hoshina managed to dig around long enough to find the rest of the chain of posts, all talking about Kafka's art.

"My assistant is so cooked Dawg! Caught his ass doodling during a meeting!1!" Was the title to the start of it all. From there, it had devolved into a more serious critique of the art found. One post after another was about how accurate the details were. Occasionally, there was one about how stupid-looking a fellow defense force member appeared, but it just looped back around to the precision of it all. Hoshina wasn't surprised. After all he had the same reaction to the first time he had discovered Kafka's artistic talent. The memory bubbled up unbidden, causing Hoshina to sniff back a runny nose as he tried not to get swept away by his feelings. The memory continued to play in the back of his mind, projected onto the phantom screen hung in the back of his eyes...

It was an unseasonably warm day in March last year. Hoshina only had the new recruits for a few months now, but he was feeling like they were making lots of progress to breaking in to being the best soldiers of this generation. For a reward, the ground troops of the Third Division got to leave the base for a whole day. There was a slight caveat to this in that they were asked to turn out to a school spirit event, but none of them minded since it still meant they got to skip out on training for a day. In fact, it felt like they were more than happy to show up to the event and get the chance to inspire the next generation themselves. Some even went above and beyond, buying some cheap toys and candy to pass out. Kafka had gone out of his way as well and bought boxes and boxes of chalk.

Hoshina had been continued to be surprised by this man. Even still having only 1% aptitude for the suits, he continued to be a mainstay among the Defense Force. Once Hoshina made enough excuses for him, backed by Kafka's consistent information gathering while in the field, it started to feel like the Higher Ups just gave up and backed off. So what if one guy in their platoon only had 1% percent to spare? He was doing his best to earn his keep and with everyone else surpassing records previously held by earlier iterations of their platoons, it seemed like they could spare to have the extra hand around. Unfortunately, this did unintentionally classify Kafka as a mascot, but no one was going to offer the information up intentionally.

And it wasn't like the man wasn't doing anything to dissuade the mascot allegations. When Hoshina had finally cleared enough paperwork to come down to the school to let some of the other officers take off, he saw Kafka over in a corner of the school's lot looking like he was giving a very educational lesson. Dressed in cheesy vacation finery, that is to say an open Hawaiian shirt with a white tank and jean shorts paired with socks and sandals, Kafka had squatted down so he was eye level with his own congregation of children and was animatedly discussing something that had them all enraptured. Surrounded by buckets of chalk, Kafka was using one to illustrate something on the black top before them. Interest immediately piqued, Hoshina decided to slide on by for a visit.

Childish chalk drawings littered the lot around him as he made his way over, some appearing to have been abandoned halfway through. Looking over at where Kafka was, Hoshina could see a much more detailed drawing of what looked to be a fearsome battle of strength between a comically large Isao and a daikaiju. Just under it, Kafka had started up another illustration and was using it as a base for an art lesson in chalk. He talked in simple words, having to slow himself down in his own excitement several times just to make sure that the other kids were following along. He actively encouraged questions, surveying his grouping to make sure everyone had a chance to see and to understand. On his knees, Kafka leaned over his own makeshift canvas and was about to start demonstrating a new facet of art but suddenly stopped once Hoshina's shadow made his presence known before he opened his mouth.

"Wait! Don't move." Kafka said as he held his hand up without looking, "Don't move a muscle. Stay right where you are."

He took out a piece of chalk and began to quickly sketch the outline of Hoshina's shadow. One Kafka got all the way around his head, he started to sketch other details of Hoshina's face like his haircut and sly shaped mouth.

"I know that silhouette anywhere!" Kafka exclaimed as he finished his rough outline, "Vice Captain Hoshina! I was wondering when you would show up." He finished just as he looked up at his vice captain and flashed him the brightest smile he thought he would ever see.

The two of them exchanged pleasantries, but it was already too late for him. Once he knew of the way Kafka saw the world, Hoshina started to become more and more invested in all other aspects of him. Kafka's art was a gateway into his mind, and Hoshina didn't hesitate to walk right in. It looked so bright and hopeful on first impressions, but the more Hoshina hung around Kafka the more he would start to catch glimpses of things not being the case. Kafka stopped being just the funny man of the group to him after he found out about his talent. Much like other great artists, Kafka was as layered and as colorful as watercolor on canvas.

Thus began a months-long secret relationship with a man that was originally here off of pity and bias. Hoshina was thankful he could stop making excuses to keep him around at some point, because now it meant he could poke around at Kafka a little more. More intently, more personally. He always found Kafka fascinating from the get-go, seeing as his initial performance during the second test was surrounded with an air of secretive fascination, but that all fell away once he saw the shining facets of Kafka's mind. Hoshina felt he was no better than a crow some days, but the love and attention he received from Kafka just meant that he stumbled onto a gift that just kept giving.

Hoshina continued to scroll down the chain of posts, trying to keep himself from bursting into tears. Each new sketch, each scrawl and scratch of digital ink felt better than anything intense nostalgia could replicate. It was almost like a salve for his weary mind, an old childhood blanket that never aged a day, offering comfort and relief and sorely, much needed warmth. It had been so long since a hand-written scrap of love had graced his desk, Hoshina hadn't realized how much he needed them to continue his day. If snapshots of daily life at Ariaka made him feel bad, seeing any piece of Kafka's old life at Tachikawa made Hoshina's heart skip a beat.

Lungs hiccuping as he scrolled past happy recreations of outings long past, he wondered if he was going to be able to keep it together for much longer. It wasn't that he was embarrassed to be seen crying, it was more so with how he felt right then. He felt like he was too open, his heart becoming too exposed. Like a bonsai being harshly shaped and molded into a memoriam of what he and his division once had. A flash of blackish-purple and the side profile of someone's cheerful face finally broke Hoshina. Slamming the phone on the counter, he brought a hand up to muffle an unbidden sob. He hadn't looked long, but he knew Kafka well enough that it couldn't have been anything other than his most favorite thing to draw.

Grabbing his mug of unfinished beer, Hoshina took off running towards the restrooms, not wanting to garner attention from the smattering of people in the dive bar he was holding himself up in. Maybe it was the beer, maybe it was the forced drought of affection, maybe just seeing Kafka art was the last straw, but Hoshina found that he couldn't take it anymore. Hoshina had been forcing a facade every moment of every day he managed to get out of bed. Being in a shitty little bar at the end of the night might have allowed him to drop the mask a little, relieve some of the pressure that the mask had been holding back, but even the Vice Commander, Second to Mina Ashiro in power and strength, had his limits. Seeing that Kafka still thought of him as a muse was his line in the sand.

He slammed the mug down on the long row of sinks as he neared the other wall. Turning sharply on his heels, he fell back onto the teal painted, concrete brick wall as his knees gave out from under him. His brain felt warm, like it had been taken out of his skull and been manhandled under the hot sun for far too long. His chest felt like it was in Number 10's crushing grip all over again, which honestly felt preferable to having nothing to hold him in their arms right now. A part of Hoshina wondered if he was imagining his legs shaking or if he really was being that fucking pathetic; drinking alone, crying in a dirty dive bar bathroom, killing himself over his iron sense of pride. No part of him was delusional enough however to deny the boiling streams of tears falling down his tired eyes as they fell onto his tightly gripped phone.

With just one glance, the same comfort Kafka's art gave him rendered him a sopping mess. He was the one that told Kafka not to get attached to his team-mates, and now here he was, being reminded all over again as to why he should've taken his own advice. It was stupid, it was demeaning, and it was all his fault. Sitting here, on the floor of a place he never would have walked into before he met Kafka, one thought fought it's way through the tears and tinnitus and made him confront this one, now ever present fact about himself. Given the chance to start all over again, to have never been close to Kafka in the first place and had just investigated what he first considered to be a threat, Hoshina... wouldn't have taken it. Kaiju or not, Hoshina would never give that man up for anything.

And yet he did. Because if he really held true to what he wanted, Kafka would still be at Tachikawa, not halfway up the country in another base being placated with busy work because no one trusts him with anything important anymore. For the longest time, hell even to this night, Hoshina's mind continued to waver back and forth over whether or not he ever really had a chance to fight the powers that be. Whether he really could have helped Kafka to stay or if it all was genuinely out of his hands, then and now. Like any of it matters this late at night anyway. Beds had been made, but all Hoshina could do was wish to lie in the one he made with Kafka.

Well... as much as it killed him right at this moment, at least he had Kafka's art. Art was supposed to make people feel something anyway, right? This was just another check mark on the long list of incredible things Kafka was capable of. Taking slow, deep breaths until after the tears stopped, Hoshina prepared himself to look again. The pain of the memory was great, but forcing oneself to not feel anything was starting to be worse. Grabbing the glass of beer from the counter, Hoshina wiped the spilled tears off the screen and turned it back on.

It was just what he expected, really. The last two posts containing about eight images total were all just head shots of Hoshina with different expressions. "Okay, this is just embarrassing. Why is there so many pics of this schmuck?" Was the first post's title, a little rude but a genuine question for those unprepared for the full weight of Kafka's unyielding need to have Hoshina be his inspiration. He let out a small giggle as he took a sip of beer, remembering Kafka's weird obsession with scribbling out rough outlines of his face in the corners of anything paper-like he could get his hands on. Several pages of his notebooks dedicated to kaiju anatomy specifically were often signed with his face next to Kafka's name. Hoshina liked to tease him about it, calling it the new age version of carving initials into trees. Seeing the post sort of healed him inside just a little, knowing Kafka hasn't completely changed even with their undisclosed separation from each other.

The second post was where his tears started to threaten to fall again. It was still bust and head shots of Hoshina, but they all had a reoccurring theme of him in various stages of sleep. "I hate E V E R Y T H I N G about this... WHAT DO YOU MEAN YOU KNOW WHAT HE LOOKS LIKE ASLEEP?!?!??! I hope this is just some creepy stalker fan-shit on GOD." Was the title of the second half of the post. Again a... reasonable response, considering that their relationship was never public before now. Somewhere in the deep recesses in his thoughts, Hoshina had a feeling that this was going to come around and bite him in the ass, but being three beers in made it really hard to care about problems one couldn't immediately foresee. Sure made it really easy to remember the past, so it seemed. With every side angle, every illusion of light filtering over pale peach skin in every hastily drawn rendition of happy mornings past, Hoshina couldn't escape another trip down memory lane.

Kafka used to have a horrible sleep schedule, even while in the Defense Force. He was the type of person to fight every minute getting up once he heard the wake up siren due to staying up late at night studying. Hoshina was never going to admit this, but he was hoping he was going to have a chance to somewhat abuse his relationship status with Kafka and. . . encourage a slight change to the schedule. All for his own good of course. Can't continue to be a valuable member of the Defense Force if one isn't awake enough to contribute. Come to find out, Hoshina wasn't going to have to intervene at all once it was made clear that he didn't mind being Kafka's muse.

Hoshina caught on pretty quickly that Kafka was starting to get up earlier and earlier so he could sketch him at his most vulnerable. He hardly used paper medium anymore at this point, too much to drag around which made it obvious. He was the type of person that kept his illustrations close to his chest, not wanting to let others see before he was finished. Using his phone was just more convenient all around for him, checking all the boxes in all the right ways. As a birthday gift for Kafka, Hoshina went out of his way to get a hold of a phone that had a built in stylus. Every spare second Hoshina had to snag a glance of Kafka, was every second Kafka had his nose shoved in his new phone, scrawling away at it.

Which led to these precious moments they found themselves in while hiding from the world in Hoshina's room. Kafka had started to sleep with Hoshina at his place, working late enough into the night that everyone went to bed before he did just so he could book it over to his partner's room and stay with him until before morning. If anyone was to ask either of them why he went through so much trouble and risk, they both would jokingly answer that it was all for Hoshina's benefit because he runs cold and Kafka's practically a walking space heater. Really, it was for Kafka. That man would have spent all hours of the day looking and drawing Hoshina's face if anyone let him.

And that's exactly the view Hoshina woke up to most mornings. As his awareness slowly dripped back into his mind, he could feel his body was sprawled out at odd angles over his side of the bed. When Hoshina first joked about his plan to let Kafka stay over at his section of the barracks, he noted how oddly enthused Kafka was with the idea, but became visibly dismayed once the vice captain brought up how the two of them could never fit on his measly, military issued twin mattress. It wasn't long before Hoshina intervened with some supply orders and had a second twin frame and mattress smuggled up to his room. Snugged up against the wall with his pillow crammed under his broad chest, was Kafka; lying on his stomach and was most likely sketching another picture of Hoshina asleep and awkwardly positioned.

Hoshina did his best not to stir, knowing how easy it was for Kafka to break concentration when he was doodling. Keeping his eyes in that closed looking state, he continued to watch as Kafka chewed at his upper lip in deep thought as he was prone to do if he felt like he was struggling with a particular piece. Hoshina could watch him sketch his art all day if he could. The expressions Kafka went through as he worked told a story just as vibrant as his art could be. After watching his face contort from one of irritated concentration to comically restrained victory, Hoshina couldn't hold still any longer and giggled. Catching his muse awake, Kafka moved as if he was struck with a taser and instinctively tried to shield his phone from Hoshina's amused gaze.

"Come on, let me see!" Hoshina wearily droned with a smile, "I've been posing for you for hours." He sluggishly pulled his arm closer to Kafka's shoulder and gently massaged it, making it clear that he wanted to be closer.

Kafka let out a relaxed chortle as he complied and shifted just a little closer, "Uh huh, trying so hard to "pose" you started drooling for accuracy?"

"I do not!" Hoshina sleepily countered as he pushed Kafka playfully. The two of them giggled together as they liked to do, falling into that easy pattern of living that formed naturally when they were alone.

Suddenly not content with just a shoulder touch and a warm view, Hoshina slowly stalked himself closer to his bed-mate while staying under the thin sheets. He draped his nude form over Kafka's equally naked, prone back, slotting his hips over the lower officer's round ass and burying his face into the now super heated neck. Arms were nestled under the heavy frame as Hoshina took a long snort of Kafka's natural scent. He shifted back and forth a little purely for indulging in the sensation of another's heated being underneath him. Any and all thoughts Kafka had about continuing his daily morning sketches went flying out the window as he took the wordless affection with what was hoped to be a touch of grace.

'Seriously. Is there anything other than me in there?" Hoshina placidly asked once he finished absorbing Kafka's essence

"Kinda hard to say. You're always the most interesting one in the room." Kafka answered with a slight shudder, unintentionally exposing his neck at the languid tactility overloading his senses at the moment.

Nosing at the undefended area offered to him, Hoshina wiggled out an arm and took Kafka's phone from his hand. Kafka let it happen since Hoshina was probably one of the few people in this world he would let see such personal designs. His partner never had anything truly mean to say about his work, Even some of his more critical commentary was offered up as a joke which made it all glide down more easily. Those comments were only really applied to moments when Kafka was clearly not putting all of his effort into a piece, so in the end they didn't damage anything ego-wise. Some days it felt like Hoshina was the only person Kafka could get some genuine, reliable feedback, so it made him feel all the better that there was something he could do that occasionally impressed his commander on some level. Continuing to scroll through the list of drafts saved on his phone, Hoshina let out a concerning sounding chuckle at the volume of saved images that appeared to be about him.

"Geez, it's just one after the other with you isn't it?" Hoshina commented as he pulled his head out from behind Kafka's neck to look better.

"No no, keep scrolling. I'm pretty sure I have a few pieces that are different." Kafka challenged, now just as curious as to where those images went.

"From what, last year?" Hoshina jokingly asked as he looked at his lover more pointedly.

"Noooo, hold on. There's gotta be one that's more recent." Kafka answered as he took the phone back. He quickly scrolled the page back to the top and picked one from yesterday.

"Yeah, see? Some of these have multiple images." Kafka politely informed as he moved past a sketch of Hoshina drinking coffee and instead focused on a distorted self portrait.

"What even is that?" Hoshina wondered as he tried to lean closer to the phone.

"It's supposed to be a self portrait, but I drew it from how I look in your headboard. See?" Kafka said as he held up the image to the reflective metal bars that made up the back of Hoshina's bed.

"Oh, I get it now. Distortion practice?" Hoshina observed as his eyes flickered between the image and the inspiration.

"Something like that." Kafka confirmed as he pulled his phone back to search through the rest of his drafts for more evidence that he's not solely focused on his lover.

Hoshina let out a soft hum as he watched Kafka try to defend himself, "You know, now that I think about it, there was detail missing from that piece."

"Wait, really?" I mean, I thought I was doing well with the proportions." Kafka muttered as he went back to the sketch they were looking at first.

"See? Right there." Hoshina pointed to a spot on Kafka's shoulder in the image when it was pulled back up, "There's something missing."

"Really? Not to question you or anything- you're the one with a better eye for detail after all."

"Yep, this." Hoshina interrupted and swiftly bit down on the sensitive part of Kafka's neck where it met the meat of his shoulder.

Kafka sharply gasped as he accidentally bucked into the treatment, "God, you're a menace" He muttered lovingly.

"Hmmm, you love me for it though." Hoshina groaned back after he languidly lapped at the mark it left.

Kafka returned a kiss before continuing to move through image after image. As he watched, Hoshina found his various thoughts coming back to one central theme.

"Surprised you haven't started an art blog before now." He ruminated as Kafka pulled up another sketch.

"Used to, actually. On Chatter? Back in my late high school, early Monster Sweepers days." Kafka offered openly as he tossed an unimpressed look over his shoulder.

"You're kidding." Hoshina responded with genuine astonishment, to which Kafka shook his head no with an amused smile.

"Well show me then!" Hoshina cheered enthusiastically, shimmying impossibly closer to Kafka like he was settling down to a good movie.

"I-I-I can't do that!" Kafka retorted with the blush on his face quickly creeping back over his cheeks, "I couldn't remember the password if my life depended on it."

"You don't have to log in, you still remember your username right?" Hoshina questioned, now desperate for this potential snapshot of Kafka younger in life.

"I mean... yeah?" Kafka answered shyly, "God, this is going to be so embarrassing." He muttered before he closed out of his sketching app and opened up another one.

After several retypings in the quest to remember his old high school username, Kafka eventually came across the page after backtracking from someone else's old post. It was clear from the dated visual puns in the blog banner that it had certainly been a while before he had updated anything. They both cringed a little once they saw that it had been fifteen years since he had last updated.

" 'TheBestDEFENSEIsAGoodArtist'? That's your username?" Hoshina teased with dripping malice and astonishment.

"Look it was either that or something clever with Goromon. It was the last thing Mina helped me with before... well, you know." Kafka tried to defend himself, but any move to do so collapsed under the weight of the memory.

Hoshina noticed the way his face fell just that little bit and snuggled up closer as reassurance, "Probably for the best you didn't go with the second one. Probably would have confused a lot of people to come to your page and not see anything related to it." He mentioned as he squeezed his arms around his partner's chest.

"Well, it wasn't like there wasn't any Goromon fanart from time to time. Maybe if I did, I would have had a chance to be more popular." Kafka countered dolefully.

"What did you draw anyway?" Hoshina politely asked with both curiosity and gentle encouragement.

Kafka slowly scrolled down the page to let Hoshina take in the art. It was set to show from most to least popular, making it clear that a lot of people liked his funnier depictions of kaijus. Every once in a while, something drastically different broke up the timeline. There were several anatomical pencil sketches of kaiju bodies with various layers peeled away from them. From the skin to the veins, down past the muscle and right through the core of the bones, it was a study of raw power poised in a deathly still life. There were even notes and arrows that littered the borders of the page that pointed out something that couldn't be depicted through graphite lines alone. There were several and they all varied in quality, clearly bringing to light a growing talent.

A flash of color snapped at Hoshina's attention as Kafka continued to scroll past. Shooing his finger away, the vice captain took back partial control of the phone so he could see what that last image was. It was a digital rendition of one of the larger kaiju skeletons that continued to rage through the streets of Japan. What made this one different from all the rest was the fact that it wasn't just showing the skeleton, but the damage done to the surrounding buildings as well. Over all of it was a plush blanket of foliage, lacing its way over and under the long broken rubble and the now ancient looking remains of the gargantuan threat. It had set itself apart from the other productions of Kafka's mind, not only from its content but also from a still-fresh feeling of inexplicable melancholy. Such a bright picture should have told a story about new beginnings, but the only thing Hoshina could feel from this particular work was an odd sense of desolation.

"This one is quite different." He commented as he looked at it intensely, absorbed into the alien terrarium on the other side of the digital glass.

"Yeah." Kafka scratched the side of his head and sighed with bitter sounding heaviness, "Believe it or not, that is a vent piece." he continued as he pointed a quick accusatory finger at the screen.

"A vent piece?" Hoshina questioned.

He found it was an odd subject matter to use to depict intense negative emotion. Not only that, he had a hard time picturing Kafka illustrating something so calm and serene as an outlet for whatever turbulent emotion that could be concocting inside that thick skull of his.

"Yeah." Kafka sighed again as he took back ownership of the phone, "I drew this one after my... sixth? Attempt at joining the Defense Force."

He scrolled back up a little so Hoshina could read the caption over the attached picture.

"Just got out of the Defense Force testing lab again. Just gotta wait for an answer now, but I can already tell this isn't going to end well. Got a job interview with a kaiju cleaning department in a few days since I'm leaving High School at the end of the month, so lets hope that goes better!"

"Don't you think you were jinxing yourself a little with that caption?" Hoshina tried to jokingly ask, but it was clear that Kafka was stuck relieving his childhood blues.

"At that point you get a sense of what the instructor was looking for in their recruits. They don't really hide their preferences well, even when they're just glancing in your direction." Kafka answered dejectedly as he moved away from the image.

"After that, I had stopped captioning them. I didn't even bother giving them names." Kafka continued to scroll down his page, every once in a while another, similar piece of art made itself known.

He was right. None of them were captioned. He didn't know if it was intentional, but with none of them being named it seemed to add on to the sense of grief. It almost made it feel like these pieces were abandoned, which was not like Kafka at all. Failing time and time again in such a predictable manner would obviously break anybody's will, but the outcome of such torment had created these pieces. Now with context, these illustrations had ingrained themselves into Hoshina's mind. This was the first instance of him ever learning what a broken Kafka looked like.

"Here." Kafka quietly announced, "This is the last thing I ever posted to this account." He pulled up what looked to be the roughest sketch Hoshina thought he would ever see.

This looked more like a vent piece than any of the others he had seen along the way. Quick, harsh, and dark lines were strewn all over the limited space of the sketchbook this was depicted on. From what Hoshina could deduce, it was one of the larger kaijus with nothing remarkable about its appearance. The details would have come in later for sure, but it was clear that this piece never made it to that stage. From what he could tell however, was that this one had the potential to be one of Kafka's more disturbing artworks.

Buildings were flattened all around the corpse, cracked and broken apart like several city blocks had undergone a devastating explosion. The body was lying on its back, its limbs at unnatural angles. Its stomach looked more than exposed, more so that the explosion that leveled the buildings around it had been caused by whatever was inside the beast. It didn't look flayed, more so shredded and mangled- almost beyond recognition. While the others had been depicted with at least some sense of grace among the dereliction, this was far from it. This was agony and misery made pure and raw. Hoshina was almost glad that Kafka didn't finish this one. He hadn't known that his officer had such an ability to express such pain from just a bare-bones sketch, and he hoped that Kafka would never have to again.

"Told myself if I made this final test, I would finish it." Kafka's cold and stoic words broke the trance the image had held over Hoshina at that moment. "Not hard to guess what happened."

"You finally did make it though, haven't you?" Hoshina offered as a small token of relief against the unintentional strife he didn't know he would be causing that day.

The Kaiju Alert system went off before Kafka could give back an answer.

There wasn't a day that hadn't gone by where Hoshina had wondered if there was anything better he could have said in that moment. What even was there to say? Better late than never? You made it anyway, despite everything? He knew Kafka wouldn't take any of those as consolation. After all, Kafka still hadn't made it, per se. He wasn't by Mina's side like he promised all those years ago. It didn't help Hoshina was technically standing in the way of that, and that wasn't even getting into their unapproved relationship or the whole "Defense Force's New Kaiju Pet" situation. Even if it wasn't expressed through his art, Hoshina knew that it was probably still chewing Kafka up inside.

At least their current situation hadn't caused Kafka's art to revert back to his earlier standard of subjects. That meant that there was still something he was holding onto, some semblance of hope or light that managed to drag Kafka through each day. Which was more than Hoshina could say for himself. He couldn't show it, but he had long since lost any hope for a sign that things had a chance to go back to normal. That was just the case some days, having to adjust to what could potentially be a permanent change in schedule.

Hoshina really didn't want that to be the case. If he had any true, real power, he would tell the directors to shove it and have Kafka back at Tachikawa by morning. But he couldn't. The best he could do was arrange these weekly visits under the guise of training and nothing else, and that "Nothing Else" clause was what was truly killing him on the inside. Despite the pride, despite the resentment, he wanted to see Kafka again- really see Kafka again, Not just for training but to hang out and have dinner together again, to wake up together in the morning and rush out the door before anyone could question them again. The only thing stopping it all from continuing was time...

...Or was it? Looking back through the drawings showing moments from before everything went to shit, Hoshina started asking questions he had thought he had already answered but only gave slapdash, shoddy excuses as a stopgap for the emotions he wasn't ready to deal with. Yes, they didn't know how much more time they would have together, but most normal people would take that as an excuse to do everything they could to spend more time together. The real fact of the matter was, it wasn't Hoshina using a lack of time as an excuse to hold off having the one conversation that was the key to fixing his lack-of-a-relationship-woes. It wasn't just keeping up the excuse of not wanting to further complicate their already uncertain future. At the core of it all, Hoshina just didn't want to admit that he was a petty, prideful man.

Kafka being a Kaiju didn't bother him in the slightest. If anything, he would have probably have been milking that excuse dry to weasel his way around any potential hiccups that would be stemming from his technically inappropriate relationship to his subordinate. What really bothered Hoshina the most about this whole unfortunate situation was the fact that it felt like Kafka didn't trust him enough to tell him about his situation before now! It boiled his blood some days when he remembered that Reno and Kikoru both knew about Kafka's condition before he did. He was also aware of the circumstances surrounding how those two ended up finding out, but he always felt like he was dealt a similar opportunity and somehow that information was denied anyway. They were dating! They were serious! What do you mean Kafka never felt like telling him?

It wasn't until about a month into their awkward separation treatment that Hoshina stopped and thought about why Kafka held it back from him. Even if Kafka did trust him completely, there was no guarantee it wouldn't have made things worse. Kafka could have proven seven ways from Sunday that he could be trusted to fight alongside others, but there would always be doubt. Hoshina wouldn't have been able to offer any certainty to Kafka that the captains or the directors could be trusted with his unusual situation. Hell, if Kafka had told him in the earliest days of their relationship, there might have been a chance that Hoshina would have been the one to give his partner a reason to never trust again. Solely because of the pressure from his job, of course, but if push had come to shove then... Hoshina had a feeling that things would not have ended up as passively as they are now.

In the end, Hoshina had no right to blame Kafka or hold anything against him. At this point, the silent-not-silent treatment was purely because Hoshina's pride was wounded from the insinuation. Now that fire that kept his ruefulness going was practically down to the embers. Even the resolve to not be the first to apologize was dwindling. It became clear all of a sudden that Kafka was never going to be the one to apologize for withholding information because he follows Hoshina's initiative. If he's the one acting like it's not a good time to hash out one's feelings for each other, then Kafka will sit tight and hold his tongue until Hoshina makes any sort of indication that he's ready to listen. Kafka's just as good at respecting boundaries as he is following orders, but it certainly makes it harder on Hoshina when he knows he's the one at fault for perpetuating this purgatory he didn't mean to drag Kafka into.

Screw pride and screw pettiness, Hoshina was truly missing his man tonight and if the price of having him back in his was the cost of losing face, then fine. Having to eat his own words would definitely be a step up from wallowing in a shitty bar drinking shitty beer night after night. The beer would taste better with company, but in order for that to happen he'd have to find a way to open the door to a proper apology. He didn't want to make it feel like he was only apologizing because he was lonely, he really did want to be sincere about it. Problem was, he couldn't remember a time where he sounded genuinely sincere. In his line of work, if he was found to be wrong on something it would have cost him his job. And as far as being wrong in his friendships went, well... when everything comes down to a matter of opinion, one doesn't tend to care who's right or wrong then. This really would be the first time he would have to admit that he was both sorry and wrong.

As his hand unconsciously brought the near empty beer mug to his mouth, Hoshina came to understood that he wasn't even in the right head-space to come up with anything sincere, let alone sound like it. Looks like this was just going to have to be another problem for Morning Hoshina to work out among the other million problems he usually had to deal with. Most of those problems might just end up getting shoved to the side tomorrow. Once he figures out a way to get his Kaiju boyfriend back in his arms, a lot of those problems aren't going to seem so big after then. For now though, Hoshina just felt like milking whatever time he had allotted for himself in the bar, just savoring the crappy drink and watching the shit show Narumi dug himself into tonight.

By accidentally refreshing the page, he had discovered a fresh trail of posts linked to the chain he had already made. Turns out Narumi had started an argument with another professional artist over the quality of Kafka's boredom doodles, and in retaliation had tried his had at a self portrait. It looked no better than a child's pre-school scratches, but Narumi was trying to say that there was a basis for a new, hidden talent somewhere in the mess of scribbles on their screens. Hoshina just chuckled as he saw Kafka's fiercest supporter come to his defense in near-real time. He took a couple screenshots of the conversation with the plan to hold it over Reno's head later as blackmail. Might also become a teaching tool as to when and how not to feed internet trolls, who knows?

It appears that several other members of the Third Division also couldn't sleep tonight as the likes and reblogs of more, familiar accounts began to trickle through the now popular chain of posts. A lot of them had begun to openly theorize over whether or not Kafka actually knows his Vice Captain that closely or it's all just some imagery practice. If Hoshna wasn't under the influence, he normally wouldn't have started to develop this intense feeling of being out of the loop. If Hoshina wasn't under the influence, he wouldn't have started thinking about how funny it would be to stir the pot a little. If Hoshina wasn't under the influence, he would certainly have never acted on such invasive and impish thoughts.

Picking himself off of the bathroom floor and feeling like there was nothing to loose, Hoshina took a long look at himself in the mirror. Instead of reflecting upon himself and reconsidering how damning this could turn out, he defaulted to being the one thing he and Kafka understood all too well-

-the joy of becoming a class clown.

Taking inspiration from Kafka's continued use of his image and depicting it in any way, shape, or form, Hoshina decided to shed both his jacket and shirt and tossed them carelessly onto the bathroom counter. Chugging the last of the beer, he intended for some of it to leak down the sides of his mouth and spill slightly over his chest. Twisting and shifting under the bright florescent lights, Hoshina managed to find a pose that felt vaguely suggestive enough to his likeness and still looked tasteful enough to look like something an artist would use as a reference pose. Pulling up his camera and hovering it by the side of his head, Hoshina gave himself one more once-over before he took the photo. At the last second, he remembered some of the faces Kafka had sketched out earlier at the meeting, with one in particular being a portrait of him with his tongue playfully sticking out. A face he was sure done before as far as he remembered. Replicating the face, Hoshina took the photo and posted it directly to one of Narumi's older posts from this morning, one that was more directly related to Kafka and his obsession to his Vice Captain.

He posted it with the caption-

"Tell your "Assistant" that he can have his Muse back if he can promise not to cry into his sketchbook over it."

@margoteve <- felt only right to tag you since it was your headcanon about Kafka being an artist that caused this to spiral out of control.

@iceclew <- just letting you know I posted another story. I'll port a copy over to Ao3 later tonight.

@kafkahibinomybeloved<- you were probably going to find this on your own anyway, but I just thought I'd cut out the middle man.

#once you get to Hoshina's side of things-put on a blues lo-fi playlist. ITS A VIBE.#I made Hoshina into the type of guy that considers going an hour without handholding “being touch-starved”#just now realized that (I think) this is my first take on (post) domestic KafHoshi.#Usually I write them at a time where they aren't together yet and are just flirting or its crack.#this was nice.#what I was trying to say with the art was if Kafka is drawing dead things that means he's hit Category 3 Depression and needs a hug.#GOD April and March were NOT my months to write.#Tried to work on a chapter of Insane Dad lore and at some point I just hit this weird road block of Me HATING every word I was writing #which led to an embarrassingly long period of me not writing anything -EVEN THOUGH I WANTED TOO- just out of dread for writing #eventually I broke out of that funk and started working on a different chapter of Insane Dad Lore -#-but I couldn't bring myself to finish that either.#hopped around some other WIP's before I FINALLY managed to bring myself to finish this one #AND EVEN THEN THAT WAS A SLOG AND A HALF.#I think I'm just going to stop trying to plan out what I'm going to write in the future.#Every time I make a plan and post it I inevitably get fucked in the ass over it and fail the plan at the end of the day.#Which is disappointing to myself and the standards I want to hold myself to but It Is What It Is.#it even got to a point where I thought I had LOST my touch for writing. Im (mostly) over that now.#But if any part of this story feels awkward or off I blame that.#ANYWAYS- Have fun guessing what Im writing next nerds.#I guess writing something multi-chaptered is still a little too ambitious for me. Again - Disappointing.#really my basis for writing this was the two Dead Wife Flashbacks #everything else was formed around that.#kaiju no.8 #kaijuu no. 8 #kaiju no. 8 #kaiju no 8 #kaiju number 8 #kaiju no. eight #kaiju n8 #kn8

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its-in-the-woods · 5 months ago

Text

The Woman Who Couldn’t Die Part 16

master list

Part 1 , Part 2, Part 3, Part 4, Par 5, Part 6, Part 7, Part 8, Part 9, Part 10 , Part 11, Part 12, Part 13, Part 14, Part 15

Pairing: The Ghoul/Cooper Howard x Original Character

Synopsis: “I think we should pull her teeth,” Nat muttered to himself, he wasn’t much for body desecration but teeth fetched a good bag of caps.

MINOR GET OUT. Rating/Warning: This is based on Fallout expect typical horror, blood, gore, death, weapons, memory loss, necrophilia themes, desecration of a body,

Hello! I am back, for those who don't know me outside of this.. I get SAD really bad between Nov-January, but I seem to be on the up and the words are flowing. Thank you for all ! Can't wait for the next chapter. New series coming soon!

***

The leaf litter rustled against the fabric of the worn coat, a bloody head covered in the dirt, and brain matter left a bloody trail behind them. The men’s heavy boots echoing against the low bush, as they march side by side, one leg in each hand. A coordinated effort to get the body out to the trail. As the bush parts open to reveal another man, going over the spoils of what they had found at the massacre site. They had found several dead bodies, the smell had alerted the ragtag group that there may have been something worth gathering. Finding an intact body amongst the other dead was interesting. They had debated dragging her out or leaving her for dead, but their ringleader Nat had pointed out she may be worth something at the chop shops.

“Is she heavy for her size?” Rag groans as he flops her leg down beside the bags. Wiping sweat off his dirty forehead leaving streaks across it. He is a small man with dirty grey hair, thin in the way most Wastelander were. Lack of food and good nutrients hadn’t helped any. He grabs a canteen from the pile and takes a swig making a face at the taste of the water.

Trucker chuckles, leering at the smaller man from under his hat. Same worn baseball cap he had found ages ago, it kept the sun off his steadily growing bald spot. He was taller and thicker than Rags by a good amount, but that was probably because his family was chicken farmers. “Nah you’re just weak, Rags.” He grabs his bottle, wincing at the stale water, but water was water after all. Though he longed for a cold harder drink.

Rag kicks at her leg, his boot two sizes too big, nearly falling off with the motion. Trucker laughing at the way he almost falls over. “Why she not all rotten like the rest of them?”

Nat strolls over, he is a tall lean man, with dirty blonde hair and several scars across his arms. The man was older than both but carried himself like a younger man. “Not sure, she got a bullet hole in the center of her head, but it’s like she is just asleep.”

Trucker grumbles, going over to some of the bags to dig around in the pile. “Some Enclave shit, I don’t like it. Should have just left her there.”

“Maybe they will want her back?” Rag asks, looking her up and down, a dark look passing across his face. "Think we could make a few caps off her." He turns his head sideways leaning towards her, “Or maybe we could-”

“Shut up.” Nat hisses and glaring daggers, he was not having any of that. There were still lines he wouldn't cross even out here. “Why I keep you sick fucks around I will never know.”

Rag shrugs, crouching down close to her, reaching out to touch the buttons on her jacket, tongue poking out to lick his lips. “If she’s dead, does it really matter?”

The back of Nat’s hand hits Rag’s face hard enough to knock him off his feet. A knife slid into Nate's hand as he walks over to the fallen man, Trucker getting up between them. “Come on you two dipshits, not worth killing each other over.”

Nat glares at Rag but puts his knife away, going back over to the body on the ground. He would have happily let that dirty piece of roach bleed where he lay. “You sick fuck stay over there like you’ve never seen someone of the opposite sex before.”

Rag puts his hands up pushing himself back onto his feet and going through bags. The three men digging out anything that could be traded, or sold, a small pile forming in the middle of the pathway. They weren’t worried about anyone coming upon them. Auto had burned to the ground a month or so ago, and almost no one came north this late in the summer. They only did it cause they were scavengers, going places most wouldn’t go to get the goods that many wanted. They were heading north while the rest headed south, they were quick and efficient. Anything valuable left behind they’d gather before high tailing it south before any cold weather came, it was a solid grift they’d be running for going on three winters now.

“I think we should pull her teeth,” Nat muttered to himself, he wasn’t much for body desecration but teeth fetched a good bag of caps. He drew the line at molestation, but stealing teeth from someone dead wasn’t the worst thing he’d done. They were here for caps, that kept them alive, bellies fed, and somewhere warm to stay. Leaning above her he pushed her lips up to see what he was working with.

Her eyes shot open, nearly black with glints of gold, mouth falling open with a groan causing Nat to fall backward onto his ass. The woman groans louder, all the men now stepping in the opposite direction of the dead body. Her mouth opening and closing at it gasps for air, her body convulsing and stirring, back arched up as she awakens.

“What the fuck,” Rag shutters, all but hiding behind the other two men, as their eyes widen in horror. “She should be dead.”

She coughs and sputters, black goop coming out of her mouth as she manages to sit herself up. Her arms and hands look more like doll parts than a human as she tries to right herself. Blinking several times she takes in the three men in front of her, one eye sticking closed before she manages to rub it back open. Hands stiff and ridge as she tries to get herself moving.

“W-here?” She grunts, her mouth dry as she looks at them. Reaching over she grabbed a canteen of water, her hands too stiff to open the lid. Nat comes over uncapping it and helping ease the water into her mouth. Coughing more the gunk onto the ground, it was thick like old oil in some of the burnt-out cars you could find.

“How are you alive,” Rag whimpers, only the top of his head seen above Trucker’s shoulders. Sometimes being a good head shorter was good, especially for hiding.

Nat digs around in the bags, finds some dried jerky, and hands it to her. “Umm, you’re about two hours outside Auto.”

She blinks several times, gently taking the meat out of his hand. Her other hand rubbing at her eyes, fingers going up to trace against the outline of where the bullet wound was. Her fingers go around it several times, brows scrunching as she chews. Nat could see the dexterity slowly coming back as she continues to move and look around. It was like watching a newborn learn how to walk for the first time.

“Auto,” She says quietly, hand going down across her arms to rub at marks. Nat hadn’t noticed the scars before now. There were at least half a dozen on each arm, not including what looked like old track wounds.

“What’s your name,” Trucker asks, scooting a little bit away from Rags to snatch a bag and start stuffing stuff into it. He was not going to let her take away all his spoils.

Blinking again, her eyes didn’t seem as dark as she looks around some more. “I am not sure, I don’t remember-” Instinctively she reaches out and grabs a machete not far from her, she grips it, fingers slotting perfectly into the handle. “I think this was mine.”

Rag is still standing back, muttering away to himself as he keeps his body as small as possible. “Nothin’ is really anyones, yah no.”

Nat glared at him, silencing him as much as he could, “Whatever you need, feel free to grab. We are just scavengers, finding things to trade or sell.”

She turns to look at the stuff before her, Nat staring into the back of her head. There should be a good-sized hole there, but all that is there is crusted hair. It didn’t make sense, he had never seen anyone survive a bullet to the forehead.

“You shouldn’t be alive,” Rag says again, Nat is about ready to knock his teeth out, he was dumping him at the next outpost they found. The man was becoming too unhinged even for him.

The woman stares at him, her eyes blank, it was clear she didn’t understand what was happening. She picks up a knife and pistol, the two going into a pack along with the canteen she had grabbed earlier.

“I don’t think I should be alive,” She looks between them all, “But I am alive,”

***

The group had debating giving her name but had decided on just calling her the girl. She had made the choice to go North back towards Auto, the town name sounded familiar but she wasn't sure why. Standing in the wreckage of the town didn’t give her many answers, it was familiar yet not familiar. Her head was pounding, the mark on her forehead was throbbing. The men kept asking her questions she could not answer, all she had were fragments of memories that would flash and disappear as fast. It was more like shards of glass that kept poking through, but it was hard to hold onto the pieces for longer than a second.

Nat stuck near her, he seemed to want to keep her safe. Was safe the right word? She didn’t like the other two that much, Rags made her skin crawl, something about him was not right, the way his eyes never quite looked at hers. Trucker was mostly silent, he also made her edgy but not the same way Rags did. Regardless she was aware that their paths would divide sooner than later, as soon as she could figure out who she was. Something had to trigger things right? Maybe this town would, or what was left of it. Maybe it would make the pieces not so jagged. She kicks at some burnt metal wishing her mind worked, eyes whirling around the place. It was all the same blackened nothing, a black burnt metal on top of more metal.

She walks around, her legs were still stiff and aching like she hadn’t moved in days. Her fingers went back to her forehead, the mess that she had felt in her hair. How long had she been lying in the forest, what had happened in the forest? Why was she the only one alive? Who was traveling with her?

“You’ll figure it out,” Nate says quietly, coming to stand close to her. She nearly jumps glaring at him, not wanting him any closer to her.

“Do you know who shot me? Is that what this?” Shrub points at her forehead, the raised edges catching on to her finger.

Nat’s eyes go wide and he raises his hands up palms out, “No, we found you like that. I don’t know what happened.”

Shrub groans and sitting down on a piece of burnt rubble, rubbing her face and then down her arms. Her fingers find the different marks on her arms, lifting up her shirt seeing more scars smattered on her stomach . Some look older than others, others fresh, what had happened to her.

Bang

Jade!

She blinks a few times, the name Jade bouncing around inside her head. Who was Jade? Was it someone she was with, was it one of the dead bodies in the forest? Did she kill Jade?

“Nothing makes sense.” She grumbles looking around the place. More flashes of memories, the town not burnt but whole. The streets where busy with people moving around. She could see herself walking across to the building directly from her, someone shadowing behind her.

She is up and moving without thinking, heading towards what is left of the building, a building that is familiar. It had melted fencing surrounding the place, she carefully stepped over some of the debris. Going down along the blackened brick to the back, there are several burnout trailers. The memories hit again, the trailers not burnt, the lights low, a shower, the warmth of a fire.

Bang!

Jade!

“You’ve been here before?” Nat asks he had kept close to her, staying just a few feet behind her, but close enough he could see the wreckage past her.

“Jade,” She says the name out loud as if she were testing out how it fits on her tongue. It was her name and the more she said it the more it fit her.

Nat nods his head, a small smile on his face as if understanding what she is saying, “That’s got to be your name, right?”

Jade nods her head, “I think so, I was here before this burnt. I can see what it looked like before everything went up in flames. I stayed in these trailers” She gestures at the burnt husks of metal.

“Well, you got a name now. Maybe you’ll remember the rest,” Nat adds, looking almost hopeful as he watches her. Jade looked this way and that, explaining how things had looked before it had all gone up in flames.

Jade stands in the middle of the space, walking towards one of the trailers that she was sure was hers. She peers behind it seeing a large hole in the fence. “I went through here before it burnt to the ground.”

This is where she had escaped, something had chased her through the hole. Did someone try to kill her? Then left her in the woods? There were so many questions, without answers. They were trapped behind millions of fragments of memories.

The two turn at the crunch of gravel, coming out from behind to see that Trucker had shown up, a piece of paper in his hands. “Bounty. Wonder if this was the dude that burnt the place down?”

Taking the paper Jade looks it over, a striking drawing of a gnarled face of a man looks up at her, his face scarred and hollowed in some area. He wears a crooked smile, missing a nose, yet she still would call him handsome. She knew him without reading the words written below, it was the Ghoul. She knew him, had met him before, maybe it was here in town.

“The Ghoul, he was here,” Jade stated, though it wasn’t anger she felt towards him. She felt remorse. As id she missed him, or something, what was it?

Nat grabs the paper looking it over, lips going into a thin line. “Bet he was the one that burnt the place down. Ghouls, nothing but zombies that think they are still human.”

Jade’s stomach clenches at his words, heat flooding her face. The urge to strike him, made her hands clench.“You sure? I don’t remember him doing anything bad.”

Trucker spat on the ground, “Yeah, I’ve heard of him. Some bounty hunter with a big ego, legend has it he was around when they first dropped the bombs. A killer for hirer type.”

“So you just assume he would burn the town down?” Jade pushes, flashes of a shadow in the shape of a cowboy making her question everything they were saying. She knew somewhere in the back of her mind, she knew they were wrong.

Chuckling Trucker grabs the paper balls it up tossing it. “There have been outposts and towns burnt all up and down this area. He was probably looking for someone, trying to cover his tracks.”

“Whose covering tracks?” Rag walks in looking at the burntout area. Jade immediately backing away from him. He keeps himself away from her too, at least the discomfort was mutual.

“Nothing, we should grab what we can and then keep heading north,” Nat shrugs it off, walking out of the fenced area. “No point staying here any longer than we need.”

Jade stands there looking around the place, going over to the crumpled-up paper she grabs it and smooths it out. Holding the piece up she notices that one side is ripped like it had been torn in half. She folds it neatly, stuffing it into one of her pockets to keep it safe, something wasn’t adding up. Whatever it was she wasn’t going with them, she was going to head south, that was the direction she needed to go. Following the men back out to the main part of town with her mind made up.

“I think I am going to go south,” Jade says firmly as she catches up with the three men. “I don’t think north is the way I am supposed to go.”

The three look at her as if she is asking to walk off a cliff. Nat’s brows are scrunched together, Trucker’s are lost somewhere under his hat, and Rags looks as indifferent as ever. It didn’t matter not really anyway, they owed her nothing.

“I don’t think you should be on your own, Jade,” Nat states, taking a step towards her hand outstretched. “You might not remember, but the Wastes aren’t safe.”

Jade squares her shoulders looking at him directly, “No, I don’t remember much of anything. But my gut is telling me not to go North, so I ain’t going.”

Trucker rolls his eyes, snatching up his pack. “Yeah, good luck to yah. If you need anything, don't come looking for us.” He turns to start walking out of the town, Rag does the same without a word.

Nat stands there, hands now clenched around the straps of his bag. “I’ll come with you then. You shouldn’t be out here alone.”

Trucker and Rags groan in unison at the words, Rags flipping them off as he continues to walk. Trucker stops to look at them, hands on his hips, face scrunched together. He grabs Rags and drags him back towards Nat and Jade. Rags moans the entire way back as he comes to a stop beside Nat.

“No, no, no way, dude.” Trucker grumbles, stopping a few feet from Nat. “We’ve been travelling together for -” He throws his hands up in the air. “Now you're just gonna dump us to play white knight.”

“I don't need anyone’s help,” Jade states, not liking Trucker’s tone and the way Rag is just standing there glaring. “Go North, I am going South.”

Nat grabs her arm, Jade grabs him, and immediately throws him over her shoulder. He hits the ground with a thud, his eyes wide in shock as he stares up at Jade.

“What the fuck are you doing,” Truker pushes Jade back, going to help Nat up off the ground.

Jade stood there wide-eyed and confused how she knew how to do that, it had felt like a well-practiced instinct.

“I am sorry,” Jade replies, chewing against one of her bottom lip as bile touches the back of her throat. “I shouldn’t have done that.

“No shit,” Rags growls at her, grabbing up Nat’s bag as he scowls at her. “Lot of thanks we get offering you help.”

Nat sighs, dusting himself off, and taking the bag from Rags. “It’s fine, you don’t need us anymore.”

Jade stands there, at a loss for words as the three men turn away from her. She watches as they walk away, her heart heavy. Part of her wanting to go after them, they had helped her after all, but part of her knew better. She was not meant to go with them, her journey lay south.

***

-> Chapter 17 <-

@pixelatedprofilepic @hiddlebatchedlokii @toogaytofunctiondangit @dionneroyal49 @dichromaniac

@whatsorceressisthis

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