#multiple people have been kind of poking me for responses

[positively-peachy-143]

Guys rq, if I'm doing an RP with you and I haven't responded yet, please LET ME LIVE MY LIFE. I will get back to you eventually I swear, but repeatedly reaching out about it will not get a response faster. I'm busy with school, I have mountains of work to catch up on, and feeling like responding to an RP is just another *task* I have to do just makes me distance myself from it more. Please give me more slack, I understand it's frustrating, but I am like this with EVERYTHING social atm. I am periodically responding to all rps when I have time and motivation to do so, and I'm even limiting irl things too. Please be patient with me.

[sgtjamesrogers]

“Sign here… and there you are, cheers!” 

The receptionist pushed a glasses case towards him across the desk, stowing his receipt and paperwork away in return. Roy looked at the smart-looking leather case with some amount of trepidation, as if it might grow teeth and bite him. 

He’s avoided this for as long as possible; he’s hated his eyesight going on him. It had been one of the first signs of his body giving up on him, and any of the potential solutions had felt too irritating to follow through on. Having to poke his finger into his eyes with contacts, LASIK would have made his night vision even worse, and glasses were a particularly irritating solution while he was an active athlete. 

Of course, being retired as well as seeing how much blurrier road signs continued to get, meant that it would be irresponsible to keep avoiding the issue. Glasses would simply have to do. Roy stowed the case in his jacket pocket with a nod to the receptionist, he wasn’t going to wear them out of the optometrist’s office. He still had a little pride left, after all. 

Roy found Nelson Road a busy hive of activity, and the full-tilt chaos of the season left the car park full to bursting. He felt his dread grow as he parked, but took his new frames out of the case and put them on anyway. No way out but through, after all. He just didn’t want to hear everyone being so kind about them. 

Well. Tartt would probably be less than kind given his proclivity for ‘grandad’ jokes and jabs about his age. The idea that at least one person wouldn’t be painfully positive was almost a relief. 

The first person he encountered was Isaac, who gave him a considering nod as they passed each other on the stairs. 

“Cool frames bruv,” he said over his shoulder, taking the steps two at a time. “They pull the whole look together. S’cool that you’re doing more fashion!” 

Kill me, Roy thought as he descended toward the dressing rooms. It was like a repeat of Phoebe’s gift shirt, with multiple people in the corridor stopping to stare and pretending they hadn’t. Preferably before I get to my desk. 

“Oh!” Nate blurted out as Roy entered the coaching offices. His forehead scrunched with dismay as Roy lifted his eyes to him, like the noise had been an unstoppable reflex at the sight of Roy Kent in glasses. It took everything in him not to turn on his heel and walk out again.

“What?” Roy growled, stalking over to his chair and sitting heavily. 

“They look nice,” Nate said helplessly, gesturing to his face with one hand. “The frame shape suits your face, is that…not what you want to hear?” Roy was staring at his desk, but in his peripheral, he could see Nate cast desperate confused looks at Beard, currently kicked back in his chair reading Wonder Boys by Michael Chabon. 

“You look the same as you always do,” Beard said without looking up. “There. Happy?” 

“Yes,” Roy grumped, and then frowned at the book’s cover. “Can I borrow that after you’re finished?” 

“Ay coaches,” came the voice in the doorway, the low voice and ‘soft a’ pronunciation signaling the arrival of Jamie Tartt. “Colin’s not going to ask so I came instead, everyone’s talking about–” His voice halted like someone had pointed a remote at him and clicked ‘off’. Roy looked up from his desk. 

“Talking about what?” He asked, unable not to sneer through the words. “Come on, let’s fucking hear it. You’ve had to be saving up all sorts of material for a day like today. This must be early Christmas to you.” Then he really looked at Jamie. “Have you already been at cardio?” 

“Mm,” Jamie said, nodding slowly as he stared at Roy. He did look like he’d been on a treadmill, the apples of his cheeks a pinky-red that was creeping towards his ears. “What? Have I been at what?” 

“Cardio,” Roy repeated, voice raising in growing disbelief. He should never have put the glasses on, the second he did the whole world went off like milk curdling in his fridge. Jamie shook his head just as slowly in response. He looked almost dazed. 

“Mm, not cardio. Not since my usual when I got up this morning,” he said, sounding out each word like a step where he couldn’t quite find his footing. He screwed up his mouth afterward, lips working like there were other words he might say that refused to be located. Colin was behind his right shoulder just outside of the office, squinting hard at the back of Jamie’s head. 

Nate reached and felt Jamie’s forehead with the back of his fingertips, his earlier bemused nerves now burnt away with concern. “Are you coming down ill?” 

Jamie jumped like he’d been electrocuted, eyes widening first at Roy, and then at Nate. 

“Ill? No, nah, I’m grand,” he said, a little too loudly. “Picture of health.” He stepped backward out of the office, bumping into Colin and continuing to backpedal. “I think I left my— phone! I left my phone, in the…in the toilets!” He vacated the dressing room so quickly, he might have left a Jamie-shaped cloud of dust hanging in the air, like a Looney Tune. 

Roy shoved his glasses up his forehead, scrubbing with annoyance at his eyes with the backs of his knuckles. The glasses were clearly cursed, there were no two ways about it.

[channieissocute125]

Biggest Lee

Lee! Stray Kids, Ler! Stray Kids

Stray Kids were doing another live. They had been looking forward to this moment for a while now because they could finally talk to their fans as a group.

Shortly after they started the live, a Stay asked, “Which member tickles the others the most?” A little caught off guard, Seungmin answered, “The member that always tickles the others the most is either Channie hyung, or Minho hyung. “Yeah, Chan hyung tickles me a lot, even though he knows I hate it” Jeongin said, rolling his eyes. At that, Chan jabbed the maknae’s side and giggled a little when he saw the younger’s reaction. “You are adorable though” Hyunjin said cooing at the younger’s laugh.

“Who gets tickled the most though?” Chan asked. “Well all the members get tickled from time to time, but I feel like Jeongin, Seungmin, and Hyunjin are tickled the most.” Han said.

——————————————————————————-

After the live ended, the members kept on talking, mostly about how they thought the live went and the questions they were asked.

“The question that stood out to me the most was the one about tickling.” Minho said, smiling

“Of course it was”, Hyunjin said as he rolled his eyes.

“Yeah that one was very interesting. I had never really thought about it before, I mean we usually just tickle each other and life goes on. But now that I think about it, I got so flustered while discussing that topic.”, Felix said as he blushed

“Awww, is it because you’re really ticklish?”, Chan asked as he poked Felix’s side

“nahaha dohont”

“You know what I was thinking about relating to that question?” Changbin asked

“What?” Hyunjin response

“Well, as Felix stated, we usually just tickle each other and life goes on, but that made me thinking. I wonder who’s the most ticklish.”

Immediately after Changbin said that, I.N started blushing.

“Awww Jeongin’s blushing!” Chan cooed

“Well, why don’t we see who’s the most ticklish?” Asked Seungmin

“You seem excited”, Hyunjin giggled

“Let’s do it.” Minho agreed

“Who’s first?” Chan asked

“I think Han should go first”, said an evil bunny

“WHY ME?!?” Han asked feeling very scared.

“Why not? You’ll have to be tickled eventually anyway.”

“I’m not ready”

“Too bad” Minho replied while smirking

“Okay so there’s going to be a time for each member. And we all need to keep our hands up above our head so that your armpits are exposed. If you bring your arms down, the tickling ends.

Oh Han was so nervous. The last time he was tickled was a couple days ago and he knew he couldn’t take it. He remembered Changbin had tickled him because he had been annoying. How could he possibly not lower his arms? Especially when tickled by multiple people??

Han was already shaking before they had even touched him.

“Aww, he’s so nervous” Felix cooed.

Han laid down with his arms up above his head and his hands under his head.

“WAIHAIT IHIM NOT READY!”

“Too bad” Changbin said, smirking.

All of the sudden, the tickling started. Seungmin went straight for his armpits, while Lee Know sat on his waist and was scribbling his sides, and Changbin was squeezing his legs. Everyone else was watching and slightly laughing along with him.

“Wow he’s really ticklish” Hyunjin said, pointing out the obvious just to make Han blush.

“ITS SOO BAHAHAD HAHHAHHA” Han screamed

He was trying his hardest not to let his hands down.

Eventually though, it was too much and he pulled his hands down. Jeongin checked the timer and said, “Okay, 22 seconds.”

Next, it was Felix’s turn.

“Alright Felix, lay down with your hands above your head.”, Chan said

As he laid down, he realized how much he dreaded being tickled by everyone. He could stand one member, but multiple people tickling different parts at once, it was just too much.

“I’m actually kind of curious to see how ticklish you are.” Chan said

“Whyyyy?”

“Because you can withstand it pretty well, but if it’s more than one member, I feel like you’d have a harder time.”

How did Chan know? That’s exactly what Felix was thinking.

“Okay 3… 2… 1”

At 1, everyone started tickling him, trying to get him to lower his arms. Han was scribbling his armpits, Hyunjin was squeezing his sides, Chan was sliding his fingers along his ribs, Jeongin was moving his fingers across the bottom of his feet, Seungmin was putting his fingers in between his toes, Minho was squeezing his legs, Changbin was lightly scribbling his fingers on his neck, and Felix was screaming.

“OKAYHAHAHAY HAHHAHAHHAHAHA THIS IS SOO BAD STOHOHOP PLEHEASE HAHAAHAHAA”

“Well, it looks like Felix is extremely ticklish” Changbin said.

This made Felix blush even more.

It was suddenly too much for him and he lowered his arms.

“16 seconds” Minho said

“Who’s next?” Seungmin asked

“I’ll go”, Changbin said

Once Changbin laid down and was ready, the tickling began. Hyunjin tickled his sides, emphasizing the different squeezes and pokes firmly. Next, Han began squeezing his legs, Chan scribbled his feet, and Lee Know spidered his abs.

“STOHOP NOHOHO ITS SOHOHO BAHAD”

“HOW MUHUCH LONGHER?!? HAHAHAHA”

“Well you’ve done 16 seconds so far” Seungmin sated

Changbin was determined to beat Felix. Just a couple seconds longer.

When it had felt like 4 seconds, he pulled his arms down.

“You got exactly 20 seconds.”

“Yes! Let’s go!” Said an excited and relieved Changbin.

Felix gulped. He hoped he wouldn’t lose.

Next was Chan.

“You’ve been giving everyone grief this whole time, now time for some revenge.” Felix said happily

“Okay, but I’m not that ticklish.”

“That just makes me want to tickle you more.” Seungmin said while wiggling his fingers.

As Chan laid down, Seungmin continued to wiggle his fingers.

“Okahahy i get it, you’re gonna tickle mehe.”

As soon as Chan was positioned and ready, Seungmin immediately dove into his armpits.

“AAAHAHAHAHHAHAHAAH”

Next, Felix straddled him and lifted up his shirt.

“Wahait Felihix what are yohou dohing?”

“You’ll see”, was all Felix said before drawing circles on his abs with one hand and absolutely destroying Chan’s side with his other hand.

“AAAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAAH”

“FELIX GUYS ITS SOHO BAHAHAD HAHAHAH”

“I know” Felix said with absolutely no sympathy for Chan.

Felix then moved to just focusing on his ribs and but instead of going lightly, he decided to go harder this time. He strategy spidering all over his ribs. He even went in between them.

“OKAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA OKAY”

At this point Chan couldn’t help but lower his arms.

“19 seconds”

“Wow Felix is losing” Changbin laughed

“Yeah well Jeongin and Hyunjin haven’t gone yet.” Minho said

“Well Mr. Confident hyung, why don’t you give it a try if you’re so confident that you’ll win.” Hyunjin said to Lee Know

“Okay” Minho said very confidently

Once he was all settled, the tickling began.

Hyunjin was at his armpits, Han poking his abs, and Felix squeezing his legs.

Lee Know tried his hardest not to laugh.

“How are you not laughing?” Asked an astonished Hyunjin

However at that exact moment. Han changed from poking to intensely scribbling all over his and and ribs.

“Hahahahahahahahahahahaha it’s sohoho bahad.”

“How is he not screaming?” Jeongin asked

“Could someone come tickle his sides? That’s his weakest spot.” Han said

“Sure”

Chan sat on the floor next to Lee Knows’s left side and started squeezing one side at a time.

“AAAAH CHAN STOP AAAAAAHAHAHAHAHAHA”

“What did you just say?”, Asked Chan, “Cause I didn’t here a hyung.”

“I think he deserves a little punishment” Changbin said

“At that, Chan focused on his most sensitive places on his sides.”

AAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA ITS SOHO AHAHAHAHA HYUNG STOHOHP”

Lee Know could no longer keep his arms up.

“23 seconds” Changbin announced

“Okay who’s next?”

“I think Hyunjin should go next” Felix said

One Hyunjin was ready with his hands above his head, Lee Know instantly dug his hands into Hyunjin’s sides, making him scream.

Next Felix went behind Hyunjin so that he was facing the back part of hyunjin. This made it easy for him to scribble all over Hyunjin’s armpits.

Next, Seungmin started squeezing his legs and Jeongin was fluttering his fingers across his feet.

“AAAHAAHAH GUYS STOHOP IHI CANT DOOHO THIS! NO HAHAH HA HA HA HEHE HAHAH”

“IHI GIHIVE UP STOHOP TOUCHING MEHE”

“You have to put your hands down”, Felix said while smiling at the position Hyunjin was currently in.

“IHI CANT” with that, Hyunjin slammed his arms down

“14 seconds”

“YES LETS GO” Felix screamed. He had gotten 16 seconds, two more seconds than Hyunjin so he hadn’t lost.

Seungmin could see how nervous jeongin looked so he offered to go next.

“I’ll go”

Seungmin was very ticklish, he just hid it. He would giggle and such, but none of the members had ever found his weak spot. It’s the spot where all the ler has to do is just lightly wiggle a couple finger and the lee is in hysterics.

“Ready, go!” Han said breaking Seungmin’s daydreaming.

“Hehehe hahahhahaha” Seungmin laughed as Changbin was tickling his sides.

Everyone was watching as Changbin tried to make Seungmin lower his arms. Even though it tickled so bad, he was actually pretty comfortable.

“Guys, do any of you know his weak spot?”, Asked Felix, “Everyone has one.”

“Actually I don’t think we do” Chan thought out loud.

“Seungmin, what’s your week spot?” Han asked as he was wiggling his fingers above Seungmin’s abs.

“Ihi don’t have one”

“Yeah right. I don’t believe that for a second.”

Jeongin, who was in the corner, looked suspicious, so Chan walked over to him.

“Jeongin”, he said in a high pitched teasing tone, “do you know Seungmin’s weak spot?” Chan asked this while poking IN’s side.

“AAH no I don’t why?” He tried saying in a very laid back tone.

Unfortunately for IN, Chan was very good at reading people and knew Jeongin was lying.

“I’m gonna tickle you” Chan said in another teasing tone

“Stohop gehet away from mehe.”

Chan kept walking closer whilst wiggling his fingers at the younger.

At this point, IN was already giggling and trying to become as small as possible.

Once Chan touched him, however, it was all over.

“AAAH OKAHAY IHI KNOW IHI KNOW! IHITS HIS BELLY BUTTON HAHHA STHOP”

“Guys! Jeongin said his weak spot is his belly button!”

‘Oh no,’ Seungmin thought, ‘it’s over for me.’ Oh he was going to get back the maknae later.

After hearing this, Hyunjin immediately ran over to where Seungmin was laying and lifted his shirt.

“Hyunjin noho pleahease dohont doho this to mehe.”

“Seungminnie, you tickle me all the time.”

As soon as he finished saying that, Hyunjin wiggled a finger in Seungmin’s belly button.

“AAAHHAHAHAHAAH NOHOHO DOHONT DOHO THAT HAHAH HA HA”

“Hyunjin, you should give him a raspberry.” Felix said

“Good idea!”

“NOHO NOT GOOD IDEA AHAHAHHAHAHAHA HYUNJIN NOHOHO STOP HAHAHHA”

At that, Seungmin pulled his arms down.

“28 seconds” Han said

Now it was time for Jeongin’s turn.

Jeongin started sprinting out of the room, as he didn’t want to get tickled

“I’m gonna get you!” Han teased while chasing the maknae.

“Ahahah noho”

The more Jeongin ran, the more the anticipation of getting tickled got to him.

“HYUNG NOHOHO DONT TICKLE MEHEHE!” Jeongin tried screaming

Unfortunately for IN, Han was starring to catch up with him.

“Gotchu”, Han said as he picked up IN brought him back to where the other members were.

IN lay on the ground with his hands above his head and started giggling. He was already laughing before anyone even touched him. He wanted to stop laughing and act strong but he couldn’t. He was just too ticklish.

The second Seungmin and Chan touched him, he was sone for.

“GUYS NOHOHO HAHAHAHA”

And he lowered his hands.

“3 seconds”

“Well our cute maknae is the most ticklish.”, Chan said as he poked his side earning him a squeal.

——————————————————————————-

Thank you guys for reading! I know this was really long but I hope you enjoyed🫶

[meowmeowmage]

Late Night Conversation

[ Anders and templar!Carver have a conversation post-Chantry boom. Anders positive. Carver is actually nice to Anders. Handers ]

They had all escaped Kirkwall on Isabela's brand new ship. And while everyone was currently in the gallery drinking for variety of reasons, Anders was out on the deck, still processing being spared. Hawke hadn't expressed any anger, hatred, or judgement towards him like Anders had expected. There had been only support and love which Anders still found so surprising.

He heard footsteps and turned slightly to see Carver walking up to him, thankfully having gotten rid of his templar armor.

"Have you come to berate me?" Anders asked. Carver had been rude to him on multiple occasions before, and Anders being the reason both he and his brother had to leave their home would alone be a reason for Carver to have come seeking retribution or simply to vent his anger at the person responsible for it.

"No," Carver said, "Garrett actually forbade us to speak badly to you or upset you in any way, though that's not why I'm not doing it."

Anders lifted his eyebrows in surprise.

"He did that?"

"Yeah," Carver said with amusement, "He has this particular look when he's protecting people he thinks won't or can't protect themselves. He used to wear it all the time when Bethany and I were little. And while I've poked him quite a lot in the past I actually know when to quit. Fenris apparently doesn't and now he's nursing a broken nose. Garrett can throw quite the punch, especially for a mage."

Anders bit his lower lip with satisfaction. A warmth spread through his body at the thought of Garrett protecting him like that.

"It probably had to do with growing up and living free. The Circles are not exactly the places for mages to build muscles. Or to live." He couldn't help adding that.

"Yeah, definitely not for living, that's for sure," Carver said with a note of acidity in his tone that Anders didn't expect. "Speaking of the Circle, I actually came here to thank you."

Anders got a whiplash from how sudden he turned towards Carver, eyes wide with shock.

"What for?"

"They were gonna annul the Gallows," Carver said, "There were talks, or rather vile boastings, about Meredith having sent for The Right of Annulment. So many of the Order couldn't fucking wait to start killing and maiming even more brazenly and in the open."

The disgust in Carver's voice brought a smile to Anders's lips. How low the bar was, if not being a murderous bigoted piece of shit was worthy of a smile.

"I wanted to be so sure that she'd be denied," Carver continued, "But eventually I had to admit to myself that it wouldn't have mattered. Even if the Divine refused, and I don't think she would've, it wouldn't have mattered two shits to Meredith. Look how quick she was to decide to annul the Gallows without official approval just for the actions of one mage who had never even been part of the Gallows. There's just no way she wouldn't have had the whole Circle slaughtered in the night sooner or later if you haven't forced everyone to act."

Anders was stunned. He definitely didn't expect Carver to have seen the situation the way Anders himself had.

"Yes, she would have," he confirmed, "But I don't see how that's a reason for you to thank me. Unless... you had someone to lose if the Gallows were annulled. A mage...," Anders trailed. He had always found that kind of relationship quite disturbing.

"No!" Carver said hastily, "It wouldn't have been right. Getting involved with someone who couldn't really tell me 'no', or would say 'yes' out of self-preservation. I... once I got propositioned by a fourteen years old girl just because she thought if I claimed her as mine first, the more nasty templars wouldn't rape her or turn her tranquil... it's so fucking messed up... I refused, of course. Three months later she was made tranquil by that bastard Alrik."

Anders took note of how much what Carver had said had affected him. He wasn't sure what Carver had thought life in the Gallows as a temple would be, but it clearly was worse than he had prepared for.

"You weren't cut out to be a templar you know. But that still doesn't explain why you're thanking me."

"Right. You're painfully aware of what happens to the mages during an annulment. But do you know what happens to the templars?"

Anders frowned in confusion. The answer was obvious, surely.

"They murder mages," Anders said tersely.

"Yes. And if they refuse - they get killed as well. So you see, I would've either had to murder in cold bood dozens of innocents, children included, for not even a half decent reason, and would have had to live with their blood on my hands for the rest of my life. Or I would've been killed. So I would've been either a dead or a man I would've hated. But thanks to you I'm neither. And I can say I was on the right side and fought for a good cause."

Anders couldn't blink away the tears. He had prepared himself for hatred, accusations, persecution. But never for this. Never to be thanked. Tears rolled down his cheek and upon noticing them Carver swore in mild alarm.

"Hey, don't cry! If Garrett sees I made you cry he'd break my nose as well!"

Anders managed a small laughter.

"I'm sure he wouldn't. Thanks for talking to me, Carver."

Carver nodded and left. A few minutes later another set of steps was heard and Anders turned to see Garrett approaching with a small smile.

"Hey, love."

[ AO3 link ]

[insidethekaleidoscope]

Ok, saw a post by @hernameslucy, and it activated alll the Kipps brainworms. Turns out that I have a loooot of thoughts about the idea that Kipps had a relationship with the Lockwoods/Jessica and at least in part blamed Lockwood for Jessica's death. I find it compelling, but also when you draw out all of the implications it is so incredibly, utterly devastating. Anyway here's my very long analysis of how the Lockwood and Kipps rivalry might have come about (in addition to the cannon poke to the bum with a fencing foil...). After Jessica's death, I could see Kipps in the moment as a grieving teenager blaming Lockwood, and that would be painful for Lockwood on multiple levels. He’s losing out on whatever support Kipps might have offered him otherwise, and it reinforces Lockwood’s own shame around his culpability in Jessica's death. That brings this really complicated edge to Lockwood’s feelings towards Kipps because you have both a very real and very deep grievance (he would be very rightfully angry at Kipps for blaming him for something that really wasn't in his control) and also a reminder of his biggest regret (not being present when Jessica broke the vase).

This second point is where you have Lockwood projecting some of his own emotions onto Kipps. At the beginning of the series Lockwood does blame himself, and he's also very much running away from that feeling. When he finally shows Jessica's room to Lucy and George he lies about where exactly he was at the time because he's not ready to confront that shame, and there's likely a small part of him that is convinced that they will blame him as well (since there's a part of him that believes they rightfully should). Before Lockwood tells Lucy his full account of the day and in part acknowledges his own feelings of culpability, he's still very much trying to bury and push away those emotions. If Kipps really did blame him, that would make Kipps a very difficult person to be around because his very presence reminds Lockwood of the shame he's been avoiding.

On top of that, I think at that point in Lockwood's emotional arc there's likely a part of him that sees Kipps as the person that has the most clear-eyed view of him. The fact that Lockwood blames himself for Jessica's death and has acknowledged that fact to no-one would likely leave him with this feeling that he's actually lying to the important people in his life (among other things, this is supported in the show by Lockwood's line to Lucy that "there are things that I haven't told you about myself that are probably for your own good").

With Kipps being the only person who knows what Lockwood believes to be a terrible truth about himself, he could very easily become a place for Lockwood to externalize his own shame. Any attempts to prove Kipps wrong could be read as just as much an attempt to prove wrong his own worst judgments of himself. As for Kipps, I think an initial response of anger towards Lockwood is difficult to take but understandable. What's harder for me to reconcile is that over the years Kipps would continue to hold onto the belief that Lockwood really was at fault for Jessica's death. He's enough older that I think after the initial intensity of the grief passed, he would likely feel a bit ashamed for having blamed a child for something so clearly out of their control. As for why he would continue to antagonize Lockwood years later, I can think of a few possibilities.

The saddest of them is that he simply allowed his shame to curdle. Instead of acknowledging his fault, he doubled down on externalizing his emotions onto Lockwood. Clearly Lockwood had to be at fault because otherwise Kipps would need to fully acknowledge what he had done in placing the weight of blame onto a grieving child. I don't like this explanation as much because 1. I think Kipps is more compassionate than that even from the beginning (we stan one (1) Quill Kipps in this house) and 2. I don't think that this is a kind of hurt that could just be gradually smoothed over without some kind of reckoning between the two of them.

I think what's more likely is that sometime before the events of the series, Kipps did try to repair his wrong and Lockwood lashed out at him. Again, I think that Kipps would still be in the wrong in this situation both as the older of the two and as the party that added insult to injury. However, Kipps is also still a grieving teenager too, and in this instance he's coming to Lockwood with some vulnerability, admitting wrong and also likely seeking out company and commiseration in his grief. He's doing a difficult thing while also nursing his own grief, and he's met with coldness and anger. That would be hard to take.

This kind of hurt I could see slowly fading over time as they develop a relationship, since it places them on something closer to level footing. I still think they would have to acknowledge it at some point, but it also seems possible that that's just something Lucy was never privy to.

[bylerfields]

maybe it's space curating bc i definitely see the mike side as the higher volume/frequency, i mean most times theres discourse it's bc someone poking at the will preference. like with the polls anons this week that only happened bc an anon said bratty btm mike was obvious and "at most" btm leaning switch, but stating it as fact not opinion. all preferences are opinion for the reasons you said, we only see them until 14 and havent seen their sex life. usually anything else said is just response to the first rudeness, or thats what i see. theres an acc on here who used to comment on btm will fics calling for btm mike instead which i think is very rude for fandom. theres accs on here blatantly posting on the public dash how people who don't prefer subby btm mike are crazy and even not as smart for not seeing it. how is that not rude? then the multiple times spicy polls anons have been rude instead of just sending asks about their preference for mike and making the experience better for themselves. did you see the polls anon that said something and added "anyway btm mike >>>" months ago? i dont think i've seen that from a btm will? i tried really hard to think if i had! but it's those kinds of behavior we dont need amongst us bc no one is better. i follow lots of spicy bylers and havent seen that from btm will or switch bylers, they just post about their preference. i've made moots with people who came from twitter who said it would happen there too, they'd respond to rudeness for not "getting" sub mike and suddenly are the bad guys. so they got tired by the behavior and stopped being active. maybe your dash is more peaceful but i dont see will sides of things saying things until prompted. or with every right to offer an opinion to what was said bc this is a public space. i'm surprised you've seen more for the opposing side? tbh you will have people who are extra who are rude in every side of a ship preference but the 'frequency' to me has been the mike side. i was annoyed when i saw the bratty anon on spicy polls bc i knew it was going to start more annoying discourse that means nothing. how are they shocked people don't share the same preference? thats normal in fandom. you'd have to be new to fandoms to be shocked

anon I unfortunately think this is just a case of you not seeing the rudeness on the other side because you agree with the stance. especially with the sentiment of people not being as smart for not seeing it - that’s like, a pretty pervasive topic in the sfw side of our fandom as far as will goes.

the ao3 comment thing is obviously rude so i’m with you on that.

it could definitely be that i just don’t follow or see posts like that, though i do follow some really kind people with bottom mike prefs. i’ll take your word for it, but i guess i’d say that even the “anyway bottom mike >” posts come across as tongue in cheek, and again, isn’t it okay to share preferences? it’s a little brash, sure, but it shouldn’t be shocking for people to want to express these prefs in the tag, like you said.

i’m saying all this with a pretty clear preference for bottom will, too, so it’s always a little surprising to me that others don’t see it because it’s not like i’m biased. but it’s just always felt obvious to me that bottom mike fans are the minority in the fandom - think about the reason you haven’t seen any of the asks of similar nature for bottom will in spicybylerpolls. there’s no need for it lmao - and it just takes one annoying comment, likely from an anon or someone not active in the fandom (that the op probably made without even thinking) to get 10 people to come to it’s defense with think pieces galore about the canon validity. sure, they have every right to comment on what was said but there shouldn’t be such a big need for defense, i guess?

have you thought about the possibility that theyre likely just experiencing fandom a little differently than you and (other than the ao3 comment thing) are not intending to invalidate you or be rude to you?

even with the recent anon sharing how surprised they were to find that more people didn’t see mike as a bottom, i get how it could come across as invalidating if they weren’t coming from a place of clearly knowing theyre in the minority of opinions. imagine someone saying that around the dinner table with friends. its funny, its a differing take, sure its a little over confident but it’s not rude to anyone - even with an opposing outlook myself i think it sparks fun conversation when someone else is shocked theyre the odd one out. i’m more curious than offended. i may be naive and giving them the benefit of the doubt, but this is often the tone i perceive when i see pro bottom mike posts. i think they’re pretty aware of what the common opinion is.

this is similar to how i feel when i see “where are the bottom mike fics/poll questions/etc? i’m tired of bottom will” again, same situation, if a friend said this in a group of bottom will fans, it doesn’t come across to me as being actually upset and wanting to silence us, it’s just: silly. there’s that surprise of “am i really the only one who didn’t go crazy over [insert xyz thing that mike did in the show], where are my people?” and i think they’re entitled to do so. just as people with our preference are over things we saw in the show. bottom will fans already have their people, it was the default when the polls started. i guess thats all i’m saying.

from my now 1.5 years on the nsfw side, it seems like there’s always going to be an assumption from someone that people sharing opinions about a more subby mike are being spiteful, rude, or trying to be divisive.

you say no one is better, but seem to have a very low tolerance for posts about bottom mike. having the preference is okay, but only if they come with the perfect angelic attitude about it. i’d say we don’t hold the same standard for bottom will posters - and it makes sense that you’re not gonna perceive a (pretty consistent) negative, superior attitude if you’re nodding along to the sentiment.

thank you for the context!!!

[danzinora-switch]

So in the span of just under two weeks I reread the entire Fablehaven series.

This was my all-time favorite series growing up, and I reread it multiple times. But, this was my first time as an adult reading it through, so here are my fresh takes. Hidden below for spoilers and length of post.

- Grandpa Sorenson is so stressed. Especially in the first book. His wife is a chicken, he’s got a preserve to run, and he’s just had two naive kids dumped on him during one of the most dangerous nights of the year. He’s struggling just to keep them ALIVE but one especially just keeps poking the hornet’s nest and gets himself transformed into a walrus. And then opens a window. And keeps sneaking into the woods. Honestly, I don’t blame him for having a small breakdown in book 3. He’s been under tremendous pressure and responsibility.

- Grandma Sorenson is a BADASS. Right out the gate when we meet her, fresh out of chicken form, she is immediately telling Muriel to gtfo her property and sets about planning a rescue for the others. She goes into the Forbidden Chapel with the crossbow because she intends to KILL if it comes down to using it. She’s decisive, one heck of a negotiator, and firm. Legend.

- Seth really matures over the series. Like, book 1 he’s a kid getting into trouble (painful, terrible, trouble). He’s young, reckless and stupid. But the seeds are planted. He opens the window because he thinks he’s saving a baby. In book 2, he’s tricked by several adults multiple times, but we really get to see him be truly courageous. Book 3 he’s starting to learn from his mistakes, and consider the future consequences of his actions (though not entirely in full, he insults centaurs into helping them but basically goes “yeah, we’ll cross that whole duel-to-the-death bridge when we get there”). Book 4 he’s ready for action, he’s ready to go on the offensive, and he takes /calculated/ risks that pay off. Book 5, yes. He was tricked into healing Graulus. But he takes responsibility and fixes his mess. He’s far more seasoned, and grown.

- Kendra grows in her own way. If Seth is the definition of “learning things the hard way” Kendra is bound by “doing the right thing, even if she hates hit.” Multiple times throughout the series she steps up for dangerous, deadly tasks, not because she wants to, but because there’s no other choice and she knows it. She also doesn’t take an easy out when presented. She fights to stay. Petitioning the Fairy Queen is dangerous, but it’s the only way she can save her family. Leading the climb up Lost Mesa is deadly, but she’s the only one who can see the trail. And so she insists they include her, even though she’s scared and would prefer to stay home. As the tasks get deadlier and deadlier, she’s still right there in thick of it, doing what she can. 

- Also on Kendra, one thing I really appreciated was that she really demonstrates that kind =/= nice. She can give as good as she gets. She and Seth banter and tease each other constantly, and she has some real sarcastic sass saved for members of the Society. But she remains so kind that the Fairy Queen picked her as her handmaiden. It’s brilliantly portrayed.

- Hugo.

- “Smart people learn from their mistakes. But the real sharp ones learn from the mistakes of others.” - Dale. This quote stuck with me the moment 11-year-old me first read it, and has had quite the influence on my life.

- Vanessa deserves more credit, even though she is the main driver behind the entire theme of trust issues the books explore.

- Tanu is the best. They would all be so dead many times over without him.

- Dale takes a look at people getting transformed into other beings or substances, magically imprisoned, or outright killed and goes ‘nope, not messing with any of that. I’m just gonna do my job and play it safe’. Warren looks at all those things and goes ‘let me fill my bingo card.’

- Most of my favorite guy names come from this series. Warren. Seth. Patton. Gavin. The exception is Tobias, which comes from the Animorphs. No offense to Bracken for not being included on the list, I just always think of the Warrior Cats, sorry.

- I didn’t like Coulter as a kid, but his rough edges make him feel more real. Vanessa is cool. Warren is awesome. Tanu is friendly. Coulter is like a cactus. But damn if I wasn’t tearing up at his death at the end. Sexism and caustic personality aside, he knew his trade and did his best to help. And, I’m not sure how much of it was just talk. In book 2 he straight up told Seth and Kendra that if it came down to it, he would save himself. But it did come down to it in the grove, and he saved Seth with the pod. He knew what to do whenever the chips were down.

- The staaaaakes. They just get realer and realer with each book.

- I wish we could have seen more of Laura, the caretaker of Obsidian Waste. This woman’s entire family is captured, held hostage by zombies, and she’s supposed to lead this team of Knights, none of whom she knows, to their doom. Instead, she stabs her protege and warns them of the trap, signing her family’s death warrants in the process. She commits sabotage all the way up until the final moment. RESPECT.

- I constantly wish I could eat the food in Fablehaven. Whether made by Lena, or the brownies, or magic, it just sounds sooo tasty.

- Death gets more real with each book. I mean, it practically opens recounting the death of Grandma and Grandpa Larsen on page 2. Errol Fisk is the first to truly die, and yeah he was a bad guy but it was surprisingly brutal. Then we start losing some ‘redshirts’ - Tammy, Neil, Javier, at Lost Mesa. But again, the method is still shocking. Tammy is straight up flung off a cliff. You don’t see it coming. Then Rosa off-screen. And then in book 4 we have to go through “Kendra’s” death, which feels real to Seth and the others. And Dougan, who is no longer a redshirt, we know him. And Gavin/Navarog. And then book 5. 

- As a kid I pretend to be a voice actor for a character from each book if they ever became movies. Book 1: Muriel, Book 2: The fairy guarding the Forgotten Chapel, Book 3: Chalize, Book 4: Nafia/Nyssa, Book 5: Civia. Plus the naiads in general.

- The Totem Wall is still so freaking cool. So are astrids.

- Raxtus being the best friend ever.

- “Some imagine the difference between heaven and hell to be a matter of geography. Not so. The difference is much more evident in the individuals who dwell there.” - Agad. MAN.

- I think, with more time and opportunity, Warren could be the next Patton. And I think Seth is in a league all on his own.

- The brownies booby-trapping the house forcing them all to flee is still one of my favorites sequences.

- Mull’s Eternals were eternalling before Marvel’s Eternals eternalled. I accept no criticism. 

- I still love this series so much. 10/10 will read again.

[system-of-a-feather]

DISCLAIMER SECTION

I'm gonna ramble about race / cultural experiences and trauma (probably) and this time it really isn't a line of thought ignited by syscourse or anything - but I'll tag it's tw anyways cause I'd rather people be able to filter it out than get it out there, but anyways

(for the note this was actually spurred on from a number of conversations I was having with a few parts today at work, one of which being that post about "diagnosed early vs diagnosed late" trauma; none of these points necessarily reply to that but for transparency and context)

For all of this, if any points or topics relate or resonate with you, feel free to comment, reblog, discuss, whatever on this post. Theres a lot of trauma talk on this and some level of details (CW will be provided before each section along with CW: clears), but none of this is really intended as a vent or trauma dump as much as... ya know, just talking about it as it is.

--------

As we've gotten further and further along with our healing, we've come to be a lot more open and comfortable talking about topics specifically relating to our trauma - at least in a C-PTSD / paranoid about giving out things that can be used to hurt us sense - and that is honestly really great and I'm really happy and proud for that

The thing is though, even though we've mostly declawed how easily our main triggers can be poked at and thus enabled us to feel more confident and ok talking about it, we honestly still are hesitant to do so for two main reasons.

One, being a simple lack of motivation to do so as it doesn't really come up and we don't really think about it more than we have to and often when we have to its usually not a place of mind we have the spoons to talk about it - ya know, normal healthy things.

The second though is because we've really come to learn that a lot of people in online trauma and dissociative communities really don't understand a lot of the largest and foundational themes of the trauma we went through and in my experience in the community, more often than not the response I've gotten from sharing that sort of things have always been more uncomfortable at best than helpful or positive.

And I think there are like... maybe three main things about our childhood core trauma that just make it hard to talk about with the tone of the community + the general heavily white area. This isn't meant to be like "oh you are bad if you fall into this" or anything, I don't have any ill intent or "call out" to really anyone even those who might heavily contribute to this cause its not that much talked on afaik. Mostly talking about this in a sort of, I guess commentary? I dunno, food for thought I guess.

But the first area...

as you might expect from this post and some previous ones, is that due to the fact that the community is heavily white-person run and driven and filled with many white peers, a lot of the talk and understanding of "trauma" and what kind of "chronic childhood trauma" typically looks like to form DID is informed by a white and western standard of trauma. And that isn't to say it is WRONG or BAD, but it makes it so that there is an inherent understanding that anything that differs from that is typically "better" rather than looking at the differences in a large scale cultural-context lens. And this sort of stuff has on MULTIPLE occasions had people respond to me venting or sighing about trauma-related stuff and stating that they wish they had that growing up - which I absolutely understand but it is OBVIOUSLY intensely insensitive and lacking in insight. I don't think any of those people who made those comments MEANT bad, but the nature of the discussion of trauma in these spaces being so heavily white centric and run has made it so that people forget to take culture into account and over simplify trauma into this "A is bad and B is - even when bad as well - inherently better". There is probably a level of classism / assumptions based on class as well somewhere in there, but thats a line of thought I hadn't thought much on past just a "yeah that probably plays a role".

(CW: RAMCOA related topics, CSA, etc)

The second...

is that our relationship with our sister falls awkwardly into the "not programming" in the sense of it's scale and intensity, but it would also be incredibly understated to just call it "conditioning" either and this might just be a "my feelings" on the matter than an actual reflection of the community, but I do often feel as though the nature of it not being either would result in it either being minimized OR people assuming I am trying to claim that I have the same thing as those that experienced programming and its just a really awkward place to be in. There is a lot of black and white talk regarding psychological abuse perpetuated by a person in power who has knowledge of DID and toyed with you as an experiment and project by intentionally learning to manipulate the parts. It wasn't at all the same level of proper RAMCOA, but it also was not just "conditioned learning" as our dissociation was actively targeted as a mechanism to create an unquestioning pet - that of which ended off getting pettled off to the a pedophile.

The complexity and nuances of the trauma and relationship we had with our sister like that combined with the very black and white language regarding trauma talk of that kind has made it just really awkward to try to explain to people because its really not either but as far as I know there isn't a term for whatever it was either. While chatting with a part (forgot which honestly whoops) we were thinking of officially just making our own term of like "trained" but idk, we aren't the coining type of folk so *shrugs*

(CW: CLEARED)

The third area...

Is just how messy and black and white the talk around autism. To those that haven't followed this blog from the earliest of early days, it might seem as though we were recently diagnosed with autism (technically true) and thats it and all, but autism has been a HUGELY prevalent part of our childhood and trauma history and honestly none of it really fits into the common narratives in PTSD / CDD spaces.

Firstly, we were neither really "early diagnosed" OR "late diagnosed" as our parents and my oldest sister (who was early diagnosed) noticed it EARLY on and immediately shaped my entire life around my "Aspergers" diagnosis that I was told I had when I actually never saw a professional for. Regardless, to my knowledge, I was diagnosed with aspergers from age 4 until they changed it to ASD and I asked my mom about it again at 15 or 16 when I started seeing a therapist and found out she never actually had me formally diagnosed. I then became "undiagnosable" due to the disorders that they COULD confirm, plus the weird relationship with my sister, and that I was raised in a "heavily autistic environment" where it was very plausible that I simply learned autistic behaviors as - at the time, thank you DID - I was too high functioning / masking and didn't appear to have significant impairment in any other areas other than being "a bit weird" in terms of how I view society and behavior again, both of which could be accounted for by environment + C-PTSD. It wasn't until well after I cleared stabilization for DID and undid a lot of the intense training our sister put us through, did our masking drastically decrease and it became apparent that yeah, we actually are largely impacted by ASD which ended up with us in the last few months being diagnosed. We were diagnosed early, undiagnosed, labeled "can not confirm nor deny if this is ASD", then diagnosed late, all simultaneously and so we don't really know where our word would fall in the general pecking order of "which group does your experiences fall into".

The OTHER thing is that our two primary abusers were autistic and their autism WAS inherently a part of the trauma that we went through and a lot of the talk of autism on the internet is so 'low supports needs' centric and sugar coated that it is very hard to feel comfortable commenting on how actually ugly and harmful autism can be to the individual AND those around them. This isn't to say its Autistic Abuse or any of that garbage, but my abusers autism is not a negligible or coincidental aspect of their abuse. It didn't make them an abuser, but it was still a large part of it.

(CW: Physical abuse and neglect)

My dad is confusing for 5000 reasons and anyone whose had DMs with me for over a year will know I sometimes share some of the REALLY confusing things about my dad (pretty sure he has DID as well but thats a conspiracy theory), but between his cultural trauma, coming from a """third world""" country, and having missed out on certain learning targets growing up due to the aforementioned first two - he has never been given the information, coping skills, treatment, or context to handle his symptoms in anything close to a healthy way. Its only now that hes (I think) in his 60s that my mom got a better understanding of everything that he's gotten any support, but with the sheer lack of assistance in his childhood, teenage years, and adulthood, its both a large task and honestly arguably not fair on him to try to get him to understand it beyond what is necessary to give him a life worth living.

But again, he had no ability and no tools to navigate his symptoms due to his complex and unfortunate situation and he absolutely did the best he could with what he had. Some parts in the system don't forgive him, but almost all of them understand and respect the intent at least. For example, we were poorly fed (and when we were it was usually garbage; think KFC 5/7 days a week for dinner) until we were 16 and able to drag the family into actually cooking because my dad would get into violent and aggressive meltdowns over ANY food smells, ANY mess, and ANY warmth. Cooking was basically forbidden until then because everyone was too afraid to risk it. Like there is a lot more to that, but its not something I'm given as clear access to and I aint gonna pry, but most of the most abusive behavior from him could very much be stemmed down to a sensory or communication issue regarding his untreated autism and a lack of ability to cope with it resulting in violent meltdowns.

(CW: CLEARED)

(CW: ABA)

Likewise, my sister who had been given ABA, from a young age taught me "how to survive in the world as an autistic person" and directly passed on HER version of ABA and HER understanding of autism onto me, which was just a garbage, intentional or not, way to excuse making me into her pet project rather than actually coping with her own trauma. (Plus 95% of the "information" she "taught" me was garbage including the infamous "having multiple consciousnesses in your head is a normal autism thing as long as there are less than 5" that I clown on every other day)

(CW: CLEARED)

I dunno really how to wrap this up, its like a conglomeration of thoughts we had today so its not really well organized but like... I guess AHEM *puts on my highschool english essay hat*

And so I conclude my essay on *checks notes* reasons I feel weird talking about trauma in online spaces? I think thats the point of this post? Idk I'm just rambling XD

[whitleyschn33]

RWBY V9E07 Liveblog Thoughts

Hah, actually early for once in my life!

- “May be distressing for some viewers” okaaaaaay, but that’s so incredible vague that it’s kind of useless, RT, at least link to a place to find out what specifically might be triggering or distressing instead of forcing people to seek out what happens in the episode from other sources. (Spoilers: It’s suicidal ideation and off-screen suicide.)

- The bird is cute, but, uh, is it controlling the match?

- As someone that has had to room with multiple people that snore, I commend RWB for not murdering Yang in her sleep. For real though, I do like this quiet moment of Ruby staring at her weapon, it’s nice.

- “I’m late!” ...for a very important date? Shit, though, Jaune’s frantic about this - feels like maybe his confidence he may have built up in the decades may have taken a couple hits yesterday. 

-Oh, arson - and apparently this is a regular occasion. Fire bird?

- ....Did you not notice the paper last night? Jaune’s house has some in it. Also, this score is a bit upbeat for burning a village down.

- Okay, I do kind of like this. Jaune’s somehow settled into basically the role of a huntsman, protecting this village of paper stars from the near certain death they seem to face every day. I like this idea, him taking on the responsibility and clearly treating it with the respect it deserves. The stars remind me of someone/something, but I can’t quite remember what.

- I am a sucker, this is adorable

- “You named them after your teammates?” “No... I named them after everyone.” Okay, but why did you name the blue one Ren? But seriously, not sure how I feel about that. On one hand, names help differentiate and humanize them and can help keep the memories strong, on the other naming them after your friends feels a bit... projectionist? Like, it’s one thing to name the jackalope after your team name, another to give a sentient being the name of one of your best friends.

- Lay off him, Yang - he’s got a job to do, people to protect, and it’s not like you can find something that may not exist. He clearly has been searching when he gets the time, and I suspect that most of it has been under the cover of night when the Paper Pleasers are asleep like the marketplace. 

- The schedule is pretty cute - “watch out for tearable twos” “keep away from Shredder” (please be a TMNT reference), “If you wouldn’t give it to a baby, don’t give it to the Paper Pleasers”, “tea shop fiasco” “Stop the Second Fire”, “sandpaper knife shop”, “STOP. THE. GOOSE.” Seriously, read this thing over if you have the time.

- “Patience pays off” - it does! But what’s the difference between patience that’s self-enforced and patience that’s required?

- “I’m not crazy” Oof... no, you’re not, Jaune. This does seem like he’s been making the best of a bad situation - but if I had to poke holes... what was he doing before he went to the village? He only came after Alyx poisoned him, and he was already much older at that point. Was he still exploring then, or was he just waiting for someone to arrive?

- “We just can’t count on him” - WHAT? BECAUSE HE WANTS YOU TO ACTUALLY GIVE A DAMN ABOUT HELPING HIS VILLAGE? I’m sorry, I thought you were huntresses - you know, people dedicated to helping those that can’t help themselves? I know it’s not fighting off man-eating monsters, but these are life-and-death situations Jaune’s listing off (mostly), not just random chores. He’s established himself as a protector of these innocent people that have helped him and so many others, and you’re acting like he’s asking you to be a janitor or something instead of helping to keep this town safe? What exactly did you expect a huntress to do when they aren’t fighting the Grimm if not help keep the villages safe in other ways? Between this and them just running away from the market, I’m just about done with the girls’ attitudes towards actually doing their damn jobs of helping people.

- Ah, so... all self-inflicted harms. I’m... not sure how I feel about this. The Cat marked ascension as being for when the Ever Afterian has ceased performing its role correctly and needed to be retuned, but the stars seem to think its more like “our work is done, it’s time to move on and be reborn” when that doesn’t seem to jive with what the cat says. They’re still performing their roles just fine, even if they’re at the end of their “arc”, so there’s no need for them to change or ascend if they’re still doing their part. It doesn’t feel right with what we’ve been told about ascension up to this point. And then how this connects to Jaune... with what happened to Penny and him naming the stars after his friends, I understand why he’d be so opposed to them trying to ascend and taking it upon himself to keep them safe, but I hate that this episode will, if it continues to go where I think it will, punish him for this idea, call it wrong for him to stand in the way of the stars and self-inflicted death (I’m wondering if that’s where the content warning is coming in). I also hate that it would let RWBY off the hook, that Jaune was “wasting his time” watching after the village and that he should have just left them to their own devices long ago, thank goodness RWBY’s here to slap him out of that and leave them to die, cause that’s what they want! Yeah, no, I don’t really like this at all.

- Wow. Rude. And how did A MAN IN RUSTY ARMOR SNEAK UP ON YOU. 

- Uhhhhhh.... that’s uncomfortable, and I hate that that undermines the idea that he’s grown to care about the stars, that he’s actually just babysitting stupid children from his POV.

- “Because I can actually protect these people!” Good line - Fall of Atlas trauma, Fall of Atlas trauma, Fall of Atlas trauma -

- Who gave the Ever Afterians a bomb, damn - Ah, Neo, thank you and curse you. Thank you for the potential action scene and a threat that (might) need to be dealt with that causes actual death, curse you from halting the character progression.

- That is the most flat line I think I’ve heard from Weiss - Kara, are you okay? - and thank you, Blake, for admitting you all just ran away last time because so many people in the FNDM seem to think that they were just evacuating.

- An alright action scene! I really appreciate that they’re working as a team, that it’s a group fight instead of one on one duels happening next to each other, even if some of the choreography is lacking. Ruby’s visions are also refreshing, seeing her actually suffering from flashbacks and PTSD, and the movements of the Jabberwalker as it morphs and creaks are very well done, very unsettling.

- “They eat and grow” ....Actually yeah, what the hell is up with that? That’s not just glass illusions, that’s creation.

- WOULD YOU LET THE GIRL ACTUALLY HAVE HER TRAUMA ARC INSTEAD OF CUTTING AWAY FROM IT EVERY TIME THE OTHERS MIGHT ACTUALLY NOTICE?

- Yeah, I.... really don’t like the framing of this. At all. Like this was nothing, that those aren’t lives that were still ended, even if you believe they were reborn (even if that’s the most convenient explanation for you -).

- But that scene was refreshing as all hell. See what happens when you let character actually disagree and fight? I want that Ruby telling off B///B gif on my desk stat, btw. I feel like I should probably break down the entire argument, but that would take more time than I have (it’s my birth-weekend, woooo!), so I’ll just say I really enjoyed finally getting past all the bullshit interruptions and letting Ruby actually vent, letting Jaune vent, let the characters actually fight and be truly upset and frustrated in a way that’s not petty. Good job, why couldn’t we have gotten to this sooner?

This is honestly probably the best (or at least most well executed on a structural level) episode of the volume so far. It actually let the characters talk and fight, it used the Ever After set piece to its advantage for once in forwarding character development (which only really the Herbalist has done so far imo, which is a shame), and had a fight scene with an alright song. I’m... really not comfortable at all with how the ascension idea was handled, though, either tonally or in how it affects RWBY’s frustration with actually having to give a damn about living people - no, it’s okay to not want to keep them safe! They want to die anyway, and Jaune’s just sitting around protecting the equivalent of paper puppets instead of actual sentient beings he wants to keep safe, isn’t that insane? Like, way to let them off the hook of actually having to make a hard decisions or do their job in any way. And this hot off the heals of Jaune helping Penny commit assisted suicide? Framing this mass-suicide as something that’s okay because they wanted it and believe that they’ll just be reborn, and Jaune as in the wrong for not wanting them to hurt themselves? It leaves a really bad fucking taste in my mouth. 

[followingeggs]

kyle diabetes hcs!

first i would like to give a shoutout to the episode cherokee hair tampons (2000) <3

under a cut since I Have A Lot Of Thoughts

his mom makes him go to support groups at the hospital. i think sheila would go to parent ones too! but at first she totally drags him around to them and drops his ass off so she can go to hers and eventually he gets excited to go and see other diabetic kids. sometimes he and some kids sneak out of the room they’re being held in and they screw around in another random hospital room.

he also goes to diabetes camp and later he ends up volunteering at it when hes old enough :)

he’s the kind of diabetic that is constantly having low blood sugars. doesnt matter how much he changes his doses his ass will be going low if he doesnt follow the strict diabetic diet of three meals, morning snack, afternoon snack, bedtime snack.

not that it changes anything but i think he was diagnosed when he was around 3-4 and it was REALLY bad. he was in the hospital for a month or two. it took him even longer for him to bounce back. i say this because a) cherokee hair tampons. he needs a kidney transplant and while this isnt common for diabetics, kidney damage is a major known complication of uncontrolled diabetes, so in order for kyle to be dying of kidney failure at the ripe age of 8, it had to have been pretty bad. also b) it isnt really common for someone with type one diabetes to be born with it. it is totally possible but most people with type one (myself included) are diagnosed as small children-teenagers.

when he was diagnosed as a young kid, he decides that he also wants to be a doctor, specifically an endocrinologist. later on he probably decides on another path, either a different medical specialty if he does go into medicine, or a completely different career.

kids at school always think he’s going to die if he eats sugar. adults aren’t much better; when he comes to school he gets special low carb/sugar meals until his parents get a note signed by multiple doctors saying that yes actually, he can eat sugar and it won’t kill him, and if he is seen eating sugar it’s either because he can or because he actually needs to.

kids at school (and garrison) also think that they can catch diabetes, leading basically everyone to ostracize him and avoid him. it again takes sheila and a doctor to come into the class and explain that it’s literally just a genetic thing.

sort of an obvious one- he gets really good at being poked and prodded with all kinds of needles all the time. whenever ike needs a vaccine or bloodwork done, he holds his hand the whole time and helps him through it. (ike doesn’t get over his fear of needles until he’s like. at least ten)

cartman tries to get kyle to give him the emergency snacks he keeps with him at all times. (he carries around capri suns and starbursts btw) anyway one time he steals all of them to sell at school or something (probably around when all the schools started carrying “healthier” foods) without kyle finding out until they are out playing and he has one of the worst low blood sugars hes ever had. cartman never apologizes but it also never happens again

hes the first one in the group to get a cell phone so he can contact his parents better when hes out and about. he kind of hates it because both of his parents are kind of constantly on him for going low, high at school or when hes out in public (his parents have the app that lets them see his blood sugar all the time)

since ike is adopted by the time/after kyle is diagnosed, when he was really little he thought/wished he was diabetic too, so kyle gives him an old blood test kit and a little snack pack for him to carry around.

sheila does not let his ass fast for any holidays when he’s old enough are you kidding me!! but he doesnt eat at all, he just drinks juice in the morning/when he needs to.

when he’s nine or so, his parents incentivize him to start taking more responsibility for his diabetes so that he can start the insulin pump, even though i think he’s pretty independent and is good at doing his own shots and testing regularly, etc. he takes advantage though because the reward is something obscene like an xbox set up in his room or his Very Own Computer. (to be quite honest i think after the whole kidney episode he takes on himself to take care of himself because he doesnt want a repeat of miss information)

from when he’s diagnosed to about nine he uses needles and does manual blood tests but once he gets his insulin pump he also starts using a cgm. this is also when i think he would get his cell phone. anyway gerald sees this as an opportunity for him to actually be able to play organized sports (sports are hard for him before the pump since the physical activity would almost always make him go low and there was really no way to avoid it) and i think kyle would kind of like being able to play more sports at first but tbh.. he ends up missing reading books and other nerd stuff on his weekends so he quits a couple months in. also with his luck he gets hit with balls right where his cgm/infusion site is placed.

when he first gets his pump and cgm he becomes self conscious and tries not to wear clothes that show his infusion site and his cgm and/or scar tissue. as he gets older he gets more comfortable with it BUT. when he first starts using them he doesn’t want anyone at school seeing them, so he plays hooky for the first couple of days. eventually stan and kenny want him back at school so they wear some infusion sites as solidarity for a week or so until he’s more comfortable.

relating to the last one, i think he wears his cgm on his upper arm, and his pump site on his stomach. (tried and true spots tbh)

even though he hates telling people that he’s diabetic and tries not to make it a big deal for anyone, he uses that shit to his advantage! college admission essays, personal statements for grad schools, you name it. i think he hates having extra time on standardized tests though and thats the one thing that he doesnt take.

he does hang out with scott malkinson and sophie sometimes as well! i think that again, sheila makes him hang out with them, but he eventually does come around to them. tbh i also think that they get closer in high school, and they end up in some classes together or something like that, and they study/hang out together. i can see kyle third wheeling with them sometimes when stan/kenny are busy

once he has his kids, he is so, so worried that one or both of them will end up being diagnosed with it. he isn’t paranoid or anything, he does know that its not a huge risk, but he just doesn’t want his kids to have to go through that. so he does blood tests on them every time they’re sick, just to be sure. i also think that either none of his kids ends up being diagnosed, or both of them

stan is so in tune with his blood sugars. he can be annoying about it sometimes but mostly kyle likes that he cares so much. but yeah stan can tell when his blood sugar is crashing or when it’s high without actually checking it. hes like one of those diabetic aide dogs.

whenever kyle doesnt have his cgm and has to do manual blood tests, stan and kenny (and all the other guys if theyre around) all bet on what his blood sugar is going to be. stan usually wins (kyle isnt allowed to bet because he’s always on the money)

for the most part, he takes very good care of himself! he wants to get the fuck out of south park for college, so he makes sure that he has the most perfect A1C, no low/high blood sugar episodes, etc etc. basically, by his junior year of high school, he is managing everything by himself, including going to his appointments and getting his prescriptions.

he gets so annoyed when people bring up type two diabetes or “natural cures” when he tells them he’s diabetic. half the time he just bites his tongue (talking with older people) but other times he snaps and explains the biological differences and everything. usually this happens when he’s talking to someone at school.

he gets so good at explaining things though! at first because he has to explain his illness to a lot of people, specifically kids, from a young age, but as he gets older he gets more articulate, especially when talking about the biology behind it. He also loves kids, so his first job he gets is an after school tutor for elementary/junior high kids.

he also gets soo good at mental math due to carb counting and serving sizes, as well as dose calculating. like he is ridiculously fast with multiplying numbers and other crazy pemdas shit in his head even though math like algebra and calculus aren’t his best subjects.

he is so so careful when he drinks. i dont think he waits until he’s 21 but he definitely only drinks when it’s just him and a small group, or when kenny and/or stan is there and sober. miraculously he gets completely shitfaced one night and doesn’t end up with an insanely low blood sugar (even when he’s drunk he’s smart enough to keep an eye on it and turn his pump to a lower basal rate.) but yeah most of the time he’s designated driver, especially at bigger parties in high school/college.

stan carries around extra snacks for him in his car and his backpack and stuff <3 he always makes sure they are up to date with what he likes to treat his lows with (kyle is constantly changing up which candies/juices he uses. you could NEVER catch him with glucose tablets/gels. he isnt disgusting)

he’s one of the last kids to get his drivers license- i think his mom would be nervous to let her first kid to drive regardless, but the diabetes adds a whole other dimension. mf needs rides EVERYWHERE until he’s like 17 and his mom is finally convinced. (stan totally teaches him to drive at the farm when he learns though, so he actually learns when he’s like 15-16)

[amirror-writes]

My Favorite Un-Paying Customer ~ Eddie X Reader

Summary: Eddie visits you at your job again. And again.

Warnings: some language, mention of readers late boyfriend, reader is pregnant

Word Count: 1,656

Part two to this

Your tongue pokes out your lips as you focus on carefully taping construction paper hearts to the wall. The Playlist of carefully curated love songs Mr. Johnson had asked you to make played softly in the overhead speakers as a group of middle school kids laughed and joked with each other as they flipped through one of the shelves of records.

"It's like they're blowing kisses instead of breathing fire." 

You nearly jumped a mile high, spinning around to see Eddie, arms crossed over his chest, nodding his approval; at the now holiday-appropriate dragons, painted on the fairytale-themed walls. "Cute."

"Yeah!" You let out a heavy breath meant to semble a laugh. "That was the goal! Dear goodness-" you bring a hand to your chest, clutching your oversized jumper. "You scared me!"

"Sorry. I kind of have that effect on people." He smiles sheepishly at you.

Your lips upturn and you clap your hands together. "Well uh, welcome to Castle Melody. Let me know how I can help make your most magical music dreams come true!"

"Ha." He actually says it, and rolls his eyes. "There's the schpeel." 

"It is my job!" You gather up the tape and remaining unused hearts and walk behind the service counter, stashing the supplies on a hidden shelf to be dealt with later. Eddie follows you to the front of the counter.

"I haven't seen you at school."

Your eyebrows raise. "Yeah, uhm.." You smile at him, as if that is a plentiful response.

He smiles back, raising an eyebrow expectantly. "Uhm....?" He pries.

You let out a tight chuckle, raising your hand to pat your hair. "Yeah, it was all just getting to be too much, with everything that's been going on this year. I'm finishing up my studies at home. I'm still gonna walk for graduation though!" You clutch your twisting stomach at the thought of having to walk in front of all of Hawkins to get your diploma. But you worked hard for this and you knew that was your goal. You owed it to yourself and your family, you wanted to make everyone proud.

"Damn. Maybe I should do that. I doubt I'd have the motivation to do it on my own though, I'm already failing enough as it is. They're saying I'm not set up to graduate at this point." He rolls his eyes. "That place is a hellhole."

"Yeah." You shrug awkwardly with a timid smile.

He claps his hands together before copying your stature. "Well, best of luck with everything to you."

"Yeah, you too! I'm sure you'll be fine, and we'll both get to walk on that stage come May." You nod your head multiple times in a way that you hope comes off as reassuring.

"Yeah... we'll see about that one. You've definitely got this though, I'm rooting for you. I'll see you around, ok?" He slaps his hand on the counter, spinning around and pointing at the group of kids still laughing at the shelves of records. "Word of advice shrimp! Check out The Number of The Beast! Iron Maiden, you'll love it!" The now silent kids blink at him in shock at being addressed so abruptly.

 You barely even have time to recite, "Thanks for shopping at Castle Melody, come again soon!" Before he's out the door, bell ringing as the door swings shut behind him.

He didn't even buy anything.

The next time Eddie comes to the store, the hearts have been taken down, and the wall now adorns new flowers. Eddie does not acknowledge you nor the flowers when he comes running into the shop.

"Holy shit! She's fucking gorgeous!" He jumps in front of your newest and most excellent piece of merchandise, a deep red and gold electric guitar, mounted on the wall like a prize. A shopping mother gasps loudly as clutches her toddler and scurries out of the store, scowling at Eddie's outburst.

"Eddie-" you sigh, waddling up behind him, crossing your arms over your chest. The guitar is gorgeous. "I appreciate your business but I can't have you scaring away our customers. Unless you're planning on buying so many guitars we don't need any more customers, I'm gonna have to ask you to dial the outbursts down a smidge."

He turns to look at you and lets out an even louder "Holy SHIT!" You bring your hand up to your forehead and drag it down your face, resting your fingers pinching the bridge of your nose.

"You don't listen very well, do you?" He stares at you, mouth dropped and eyes wide, frozen in place. Well, more so stares at your stomach. You bring your hand up and tap his jaw back up to close.

"What, have you never seen a pregnant lady before?"

He opens and shuts his mouth a few times, gaping. Finally, he speaks, "I didn't know you were-" he lowers his voice " -pregnant!" 

"Well, it's not like I go around advertising it, I don't really feel up to becoming known as the new town whore at the moment. But at this point, you just gotta have at least one working eye and a brain." Your hands settle on your stomach and rub it gently.

He just continues to stare at you.

"Here," you sign, reaching into your pocket and fishing out your wallet, pulling out a black and white paper. "Would you like to see a picture?" You hold out the ultrasound to him. He takes it gently and looks at it in awe. 

"This thing is inside of you?" 

"That or my watermelon addiction is more serious than I thought." 

He gives you a toothy grin. "That is so metal!"

You laugh. "I appreciate that! I'll admit, it's hard to feel awesome about any of it right now, but I appreciate that you think its..it's... metal." You jut your hip as if pondering on the statement.

His finger traces the baby's body, her head, her nose, her barely-there lips. "She's due late July."

"She?" 

You let out a laugh. "Yes, she. I've already got some names picked out... Some I thought he'd like."

He hands back the photo and you tuck it carefully back into your wallet and your pocket.

"She's Sam's then?" He's more sober with the question. You nod. "Did he know?"

"We found out a week before he..." You smile in attempt to stall the emotion building in the back of your throat. "He was really supportive. And excited. He was so excited." You turn away as your eyes begin to well up. "Sorry, you don't - I don't- I- so unprofessional!" You choke out in a sob. His arms are around you before you notice. You don't say anything as you wrap your arms around him and let your shoulders heave in a silent cry, his hand rubs soft and unsure circles in your upper back.

You jerk away as the front bell rings, signaling the arrival of a new customer. "Welcome to Castle Melody! Let me know how I can help make your most magical music dreams come true!" Your voice is wet as you force your chipper customer service voice.

The ghost of the feeling of Eddie's hand on your back remains as you pull away to help your paying customer.

Eddie is back the day after graduation to admire the guitar. It's the first day of summer break and the store is busy, so you don't approach him. He stands there for a good 15 minutes, hands in his pockets, just looking at the guitar. He finally moves to make his way up to the counter as a loud gaggle of freshmen exit the store.

"You're in love, aren't'cha" you laugh.

"Huh?"

You point to the guitar on the wall with a nod. "Do you play?" You already know the answer.

His eyes widen in realization. "Hell yeah! What I wouldn't do to get my hands on a beauty like that one." He blows a kiss to the guitar, bringing his hands to his heart and sighing. "Help, I'm swooning."

"Like pay? You haven't bought anything here in months."

"Pshhhh, I don't believe you should have to pay money to have a good time."

"And yet you make your living selling drugs." 

He clutches his hands to the sides of his face, dropping his mouth in mock horror. "How dare you! I would never, I am a saint!" He sticks out his bottom lip and pouts to further the illusion of his hurt at your accusation.

"Please, if you're a Saint, I'm the Virgin Mary." The volume of his laugh has a few customers turning their head to scowl at the two of you.

"Eddie!" You furrow your brows furiously. "You gotta stop coming here if you're not gonna buy something, you're always upsetting my customers!"

"What, like all these screaming children aren't upsetting enough!" You stifle your laugh behind your hand. "No offense." He nods at your stomach.

"Look, I get off work in an hour, you don't have to come here just to see me, unless you want to reconsider buying something while you're here." You raise your eyebrows twice at the suggestion.

"Lady (y/n), if I didn't know any better, I'd say you were asking me on a date?" He wiggles his eyebrows more flirtatiously at you as he flashes a toothy grin.

You roll your eyes as you cross your arms over your chest. "I guess you just don't know any better. Look, Eddie, you don't look at me like I'm a slut. You don't treat me like I'm glass or like you're just so terribly sorry for me. I appreciate that. No one else treats me just like- like a person. I need a friend. If you're interested in that kind of thing, I figure we could work something out."

"I mean, it's not the sketchiest deal I've made." He offers with a jestful wink.

[trans-harrington]

an intro post!!

what's up! i'm zee, i'm 23, and i largely use they/them pronouns, though she/her is occasionally acceptable. i've been roleplaying for about 6 years, and i'm unfortunately obsessed with stranger things, hence the blog! i'm always on the lookout for new partners, so don't hesitate to send a message if you're interested in plotting!

i'm a pretty chill person when it comes to writing, but i do have a few rules and guidelines. please read everything before messaging me!

general.

first and foremost, i only write with people 20 or older. please do not contact me if you're under the age of 20, or i will block you.

secondly, i am a black, queer person, and i write a lot of queer characters. if you don't like that, don't interact.

i want to reiterate that i write on discord only. my tumblr blog is just to find people and talk a little before moving over there. i'm a multi-para writer, and i average about 6-8 paragraphs, but i can write less if you're more comfortable with that. that being said, i cannot do one-liners. i like to keep a plot moving and i feel like with one-liners, it just drags out. i will lose interest and the plot will be dropped.

i write in mini servers on discord, and i usually make a couple of channels for us to chat and share things ooc, and different channels for each roleplay. i write in third person, past or present tense, and i have tried in the past but i cannot get into first or second person, so please don't ask me to write in either.

lastly, while i use some bots, i prefer not using tupperbox. it confuses me and more often than not i forget to actually use it when replying.

activity.

i work a full-time job, i'm preparing for a year-long certification course, and i'm mentally ill, so my activity can be spotty. there may be times that i just want to chat without writing, and there may be periods where you get tons and tons of replies from me. please be patient with me either way. you can always poke me gently if it's been a few days and you haven't heard from me, but daily messages, or multiple messages a day make me extremely anxious. i'm less likely to answer you, and it will probably end in a ghosting situation, which is the last thing i want. if you're the kind of person who needs rapid responses every day, we aren't going to vibe.

plotting.

first and foremost, be aware that i require doubling. i have a lot of ideas and ships, and i know plenty of other people do as well. i want us both to be able to get what we want out of writing together. i will always put as much enthusiasm into your plot as i do mine, and i ask that you do the same. if i feel like you're neglecting one plot in favor of the other, i will probably end both.

nsfw and other themes.

i am an adult, and i enjoy writing smut and heavy topics. sometimes, my plots can be very smutty, and other times smut might not appear at all. please let me know what you are and aren't comfortable with upfront so that we can avoid any tricky situations!

i enjoy writing angst, fluff, aus (especially historical aus), omegaverse, pregnancy and family-building, and canon-compliant plots. i love brainstorming and worldbuilding, filling in the many gaps that the duffer brothers have left us with.

i have very few triggers, but i will not write out the following: self-harm, toxic or abusive relationships, homophobia or queerphobia of any kind, racism, heavy descriptions of gore, eye trauma, or animal abuse.

for smut purposes, i absolutely cannot write anal penetrative sex. i had a nightmarish experience both online and in person that i won't go into details about, but anal smut is highly triggering for me. if you bring it into a plot, i will block you immediately. that being said, other limits include: pedophilia, raceplay, feeding/food, feet, detransitioning, and noncon.

characters/ships.

i will delete this part later, but for right now i am not looking for any steddie content. i enjoy the ship, but i have been overwhelmed with it lately and would just like to take a break from it altogether for the time being.

my main muse is steve harrington, who i write as a trans man. he's my favorite character to write as, and is the one i have the most headcanons and backstory for. but i am duplicate-friendly, and welcome other steves to interact!

additionally, i do write as a few members of the party, but i write them all aged up. the only time i will write them as kids are if they're appearing in other plots as background characters.

and lastly, i am open to all kinds of ships, but there are a few things to keep in mind. firstly, i am open to canon/oc ships but only if you have a detailed character sheet for them, so that i can actually get a feel for them. secondly, i do not enjoy ronance or stonathan as romantic ships, but i am always happy to write them platonically (in fact i have a platonic stonathan plot that i am DESPERATE to write so hmu).

characters i write:

- steve harrington (ftm)

- robin buckley (nonbinary)

- max mayfield (ftm)

- nancy wheeler (cis or mtf)

- joyce byers

- jim hopper (cis or ftm)

- dustin henderson

- eleven hopper

- vickie (begging for a last name reveal)

- chrissy cunningham

- carol perkins

as far characters i want to write against - bring me anyone! i love exploring different dynamics between characters, especially ones that don't get to interact much (if at all) in the show. i'm always looking for romantic, platonic, or familial ships, and i'm always looking to plot, so don't hesitate to reach out and send a message!

[klonoadoortophantomile]

okay i know nothing about object shows but im willing to learn so if youre up for another infodump im all ears

STARES AT THIS ASK. okay uhrnmhm thisll be under a cut becuz its long <//3 just gonna talk abt General Osc Things since you said you dont know much… okay👍

okay so object shows are just like.. silly funny web-series things with little object guys. they tend to have faces and little stick figure limbs but of course there are always characters that will break typical design conventions. general name for Eveythjng is the object show community (osc for short. theres so many acronyms hopefully that isnt too confusing..)

first ever object show is bfdi (battle for dream island) it was made in 2010 by these two guys, the huang twins, youve probably seen Something theyvemade before they make a lotta cool things, it started in 2010 and is still going on today! its a competition based show inspired by total drama, and the main premise is 20 contestants who are little silly objects are competing for the titular ‘dream island’ throughout multiple challenges, and characters get voted out each episode by the viewers! bfdi is mostly silly jokes and slapstick type stuff, but still has certain bits where they get more ‘serious’ and has its fair share of lore and character arcs. practically every object show is based off of/inspired by this since it was the first and set up the general formula most other shows follow =)

generally speaking its agreed on that inanimate insanity (ii for short) is the second show to be made, and this one takes even more total drama/survivor inspirations. it started in 2011, and is also still going on, generally the second most popular show and REALLY popular on the tumblr side of the osc, probably due to its more ‘serious’ tone compared to other shows. season 1 is pretty… aged.. you can tell it was made by a bunch of teens in the early 2010s, but season 2 as it goes on gets more and more focus on story, character arcs and development, all that jazz. theres a ton of shows from around the time that later season 2 episodes where releasing that take a lot more inspirtation from it in tone and stuff!

something im not entirely sure how to fit into the main bits is that these are like. largely made by kids/teens. bfdi was first created when they were in like middle school n stuff, same with ii, in more recent years as people who have been the community for a while n stuff are getting older theres a lot more adults of course but its still mainly younger people… not enough people seem to take that into consideration when talking abt the community at large/certain shows n stuff so i figured id make sure to point it out 👍

actually speaking of that. a lot and i mean a LOT of shows end up being kind of… obviosuly made by kids. a lot of people find this annoying but i personally couldnt care less its pretty endearing to me (probably cuz me and my friends were all like that lolz) although i can understand where people are coming from with shit where its just like.. offensive. thats not too common tho in my expierence. okay so generic and ‘poorly’ made shows are super common. the response to this there was a massive surge in joke shows which are their whole own beast. im not too familiar with them so im not the best person to come for for that stuff, they generally just joke about how generic and oversaturated object shows were getting to be around the time . all that shit. gimmick shows are also pretty common nowadays, i havent seen any of these so i have nothing to really say i just dont know much aside from they have Gimmicks and thats the whole premise ?

a show thats become like, massive, considered one of ‘the big three’ up there with bfdi and ii, is ONE by cheesy hfj (sometimes also called hfjone or one hfj) its this sort of meta show that uses object shows as a framing device (and its predecessor was this show called battle for circle which is a joke show poking fun at how low quality and samey everything is blah blah blah) and its. a whole thing . i dont even know how to really explain it in a quick summary its like… the undertale of object shows if that makes sense.

theres just. so much i genuienly dont know how or where to end this off becuz the community is SO big and has been around for over a decade and im only really familar with tiny sections of it…

yeah. general takeaway for me when it comes to Everything as a whole is just like.. object shows. the osc. whatever. is just this big community made of passionate people who like to make things and want to share that and its!! cool and fun and despite it having all the typical fandom issues im really grateful that i discovered this stuff becuz it genuinelyhas changed my life and i dont know if i would be as into making art or if i would have this kinda attitude on art that i have now if it werent for the osc. a lot of shows are really silly and all of it looks. kinda stupid if youre not familar with them but they gneuinely hold this special place in my heart cuz… well im not entirely sure how to put it into words if im bring honest. they just feel very.. genuine to me. everyone in the community is so passionate and it just makes me really happy seeing people making things they love and enjoy regardless of how ‘stupid’ or ‘cringe’ or whatever the fuck it might seem if that makes sense =)

[waitimcomingtoo]

Swedish Fish

Pairing: Tom Holland x Reader

Synopsis: at an awards show where you and Tom are nominated for a lot of awards together, you poke fun at the rumors about your relationship

Masterlist

“Hello!” A journalist greeted you and Tom as you approached her on the red carpet of a low stakes award show. “You two are looking amazing.”

“Thank you.” You beamed, feeling the excitement of the night settle in with your first interview.

“Thanks so much.” Tom nodded in appreciation as he rested his hand on your back.

“So you two are nominated for quite a few awards tonight. How are you feeling? Nervous? Excited?” The journalist asked before holding her microphone out to the two of you.

“I’m really excited to be here. I’m more excited to be Y/n’s date, though. Look at her in this dress.” Tom stepped back so the camera could get a better look at your long red dress. “She’s better than any award.”

“Stop it. I don’t want to be flushed in the interviews.” You leaned against him as you briefly buried your face in his neck to hide your blush.

“Aw.” The journalist pouted at the camera. “So you two came here together?”

“We did. Almost all our nominations are together so it seemed like the right thing to do.” You explained as you kept one hand resting on Tom’s shoulder.

“That was my excuse for why I asked her.” Tom joked. “I really did it because I wanted to make everyone jealous that I had the prettiest date.”

“Oh, please.” You rolled your eyes. “He just wanted me as his date because he knows I bring snacks.”

“You brought snacks?” The journalist laughed into the microphone.

“I did.” You nodded excitedly. “I have like 6 types of candy in my bra. I have cookies and chocolate in my purse. You don’t even want to know where I’m hiding a granola bar.”

“I really want to know now.” The journalist raised her eyebrows at you.

“I’ll find out later and let you know.” Tom winked and you smacked him playfully.

“It’s the Nature Valley kind though so I’m scared to eat it.” You laughed. “They’re so crumbly.”

“Maybe you can step outside and eat it. Like a little snack break.” The journalist suggested.

“I could. I’ll do it during one of the boring speeches.” You joked.

“Who’s speech would you leave during?” The journalist asked you.

“Probably Tom’s.” You stated and he nodded along it humor you.

“Yeah. I tend to ramble.” He shrugged, making you laugh.

“Alright well I’ll let you guys get to the rest of the carpet.” The journalist said. “Thank you for chatting.”

“Thank you! Enjoy the night.” You waved goodbye to her as Tom picked up the train of your dress to make walking easier.

“She didn’t ask if we were a couple.” He whispered in your ear as you posed in front of the photographers.

“Are you upset that she didn’t?” You laughed as you looked at him.

“Frankly, I’m a little offended.” He said through a smile while keeping his eyes straight ahead.

“Don’t be. I’m sure we’ll get asked soon enough.” You told him. As far as the public was concerned, you and Tom were just friends. After being nominated for multiples joint awards for your performance as a couple in Far From Home, you had made a plan to tease the media if you won in an attempt to get them to stop asking if you were together.

“They better.” He grumbled in your ear before the both of you laughed.

He kept his hand on your back as you walked to the next journalist, the train of your dress in his other hand.

“Hi!” The journalist smiled happily at you as you stopped in front of him.

“Hello!” You matched his energy with a bright smile.

“Hey. How are you?” Tom asked politely.

“I’m doing well, thank you.” He nodded. “You two have quite a buzz around you tonight. Apparently you’re the couple to watch.”

“Any couple that’s half Tom Holland is a couple to watch. Haven’t you heard of Gyllenholland?” You raised an eyebrow and laughed.

“But that’s a bromance.” The journalist protested. “This seems more like a romance, if I’m not mistaken.”

“Unfortunately, we’re not together. There’s just something about me that he doesn’t like.” You sighed dramatically and looked away, making Tom and the journalist laugh.

“It’s the face. I can’t get past it.” Tom played along as he squished your cheeks between his fingers.

“So you’re really not a couple?” He asked as if he didn’t believe you. “I find that hard to believe.”

“Nope. Just friends.” You shook your head.

“Best friends.” Tom grinned at you before pressing a kiss to your cheek.

“You two are adorable.” The journalist commented. “And you’re nominated for a lot of awards together tonight, aren’t you?”

“We are. And that’s the way it should be. I think people enjoyed our movie as much as they did because of what we created together. It was a two person job and I’m glad it’s being acknowledged as such.” You answered honestly, making Tom’s heart soar.

“Not all of the nominations are for the both of us, though.” Tom brought up. “Y/n is nominated for best actress. And guess who’s presenting that award?” He smiled proudly.

“That’s right! Congratulations.” The journalist praised you.

“Thank you. I’m really grateful for all the nominations.”

“I’m so proud of her. I can’t wait to give you that award later.” Tom looked at you fondly.

“If I win.” You reminded him.

“Of course you’ll win.” He scoffed. “I voted for you everyday.”

“Thank you.” You rested your head on his shoulder momentarily to thank him for his support.

“So if you do win one of the joint awards, who gets to take it home?” The journalist asked you.

“We’ll just have to win them both I guess.” Tom shrugged playfully.

“I hope you do.” The journalist smiled. “I’ll see you guys out there. Good luck.”

“Thank you.” Tom shook his hand before leading you towards the entrance of the building.

“Should we find our seats?” You asked him as you checked your lipstick in a compact mirror.

“Yeah. Let’s go.” He nodded before taking your hand and walking with you inside.

~

An hour later after a few performances and wards had been given out, it was time for you and Tom to present an award. You nervously chewed your bottom lip as you waited for your cue, going over your prepared speech in your head.

“You ready?” You whispered to Tom, sensing he was as nervous as you were.

“I’m never ready to read, especially not in front of thousands of people on live television.” He laughed nervously. You gave him an assuring smile as rubbed his back to calm him down.

“Hey, if you can’t make out a word, just squeeze my hand. I’ll help you out.” You told him. Tom smiled back and slipped his hand into yours, giving it a gentle squeeze.

“We haven’t started yet.” You laughed at his action.

“I know.” He shrugged. “I just wanted to hold your hand.”

Before you could respond, a man with a headset came up to you and gave you a thumbs up.

“You’re on in three, two…”

“Hello everyone. We are here to present the nominees for best actor in a horror film.” Tom announced into his microphone. “Unfortunately, I wasn’t able to see any of these films because the ticket guy always thought I was a child.” He feigned a sad face, making the audience laugh. Their positive response calmed your nerves as you held your own microphone up.

“But don’t worry. I made sure I explained the plot to him once I got home.” You added.

“Only two of them made me wet the bed.” Tom read off the prompter, one of the lines he and you hadn’t written yourself. He made a face that you couldn’t help but laugh at, calming you even further.

“I can’t believe you read that line.” You laughed into your mic.

“I know. Who wrote that?” He wondered and the audience laughed along.

“Tonight, Tom and I are nominated for Best Onscreen Couple.” You continued. “Our chemistry on screen has left a lot of people wondering if we’re a dating in real life. We’re not, by the way.”

Tom was quiet for a moment as he blinked in confusion, hesitantly raising his microphone to his lips.

“We’re not?” He asked you as if this was the first he was hearing of it. It wasn’t, of course, as you had rehearsed this many times. Your face fell just like your practiced as the crowd laughed.

“No, we’re not.” You answered him flatly.

“I just - I thought we were.” His eyes darted around as he played dumb.

“Tom. We talked about this.” You said out of the corner of your mouth.

“But…but we make out all the time.” He said and the audience erupted with laughter. “Like what about that time in your trailer?”

“That was strictly platonic.” You shrugged.

“And in the elevator?” He asked.

“You had something stuck in your teeth. I was just being a good friend and getting it out.” You smiled smugly as you looked out at the crowd.

“All those times in my car?” He emphasized, making even you laugh.

“I was method acting.” You said simply.

“But - but it was months after production wrapped.” He reminded you, earning some applause as the audience caught on to what you were doing.

“I like to get really deep.” You insisted.

“Oh.” Tom looked at the floor for a moment before snapping into a smile. “And here are tonight’s nominees.”

You paused and let the audience laugh at your bit before reading the nominees off the prompter. Tom put his hand on your back, making you look at him. You smiled widely at your successful joke and he smiled back before taking your hand and giving it a squeeze.

~

You were sitting in your seats once again, impatiently waiting for the first category you were nominated for to be announced.

“I’m kinda nervous.” Tom leaned over to whisper in your ear among the buzz of the crowd.

“Would bra candy make it better?” You chuckled as you pulled a small Swedish Fish out of your décolletage.

“Has this been on your bare body?” He laughed in disbelief as he took the candy.

“Maybe?” You said sheepishly, looking around for anyone who might overhear.

“I can’t stand you.” His whole body shook with laughter as he popped it in his mouth. “It tastes like how your perfume smells.”

“Really?” You grimaced. “I don’t know how I feel about it.”

“Me either.” He sucked it out of his teeth. “Can I have another piece?”

You shoved his playfully for the bad joke before fishing another out for him.

“Here.” You placed it in the palm of his hands. “Wait, shhh! They’re announcing the winners.”

“This is really chewy.” Tom commented ad he struggled the swallow the candy. You ignored his problem as you excitedly gripped his arm. He continued chewing but managed to slip his hand into yours and clutch it anxiously as the nominees were read.

“And the winners for best onscreen kiss are…Tom Holland and Y/n L/n in Spiderman: Far From Home.”

The audience erupted into applause for the two of you, but all you could hear was Toms incessant chewing.

“Stop chewing. We gotta go.” You giggled as you pulled him out of his seat.

“Mhhhfh hmhph.” He said through a mouthful as he pulled you into a celebratory hug. You held hands on the way up to the podium as the infamous kiss played on the enormous screen. You hugged the presenter before standing in front of the microphone and beaming at the crowd.

“Hi! Thank you so you much for this award. Its always such a huge - - woah.” You trailed off and looked at Tom up and down, gulping loudly into the microphone.

“What’s wrong?” He asked you.

“There’s a lot of sexual tension up here.” You blew out a breath and fanned yourself. “Whew.”

The audience laughed at your bit but you were determined not to break.

“I was about to say.” Tom tweaked his head and rubbed the back of his neck, looking anywhere but at you. You both fidgeting with your clothing in an attempt to look busy as you avoiding eye contact.

“Um.” You laughed awkwardly into the microphone and gripped the podium. “What was I talking about?”

“I believe your last word was ‘huge’.” He said weakly, finally making eye contact with you. A chuckle went through the crowd as more caught on to the joke. You held each other’s gaze for a moment before quickly looking away.

“Right.” You nodded. “This is such a huge…a huge… sorry, what’s this award for?” You pretended to wipe sweat of your forehead as you turned around to read the screen.

“I believe it was Best Kiss.” Tom said before taking a deep, dramatic breath. You stared at each other for a long time, the only sound in the room now being your swallow breaths.

“Are we - - are we about to kiss?” You asked through a forced laugh before making your face completely serious. Tom raised his eyebrows before nodding and beginning to lean it. You leaned in to and right before your lips could touch, your heads snapped towards the crowd.

“Thank you so much!” You held up the award with a huge smile. “We love you guys! Thank you!”

This got a much bigger reaction than the last time as people cheered and laughed at your performance.

“That went well.” You gripped Toms sleeve in excitement as you walked back to your seats. “We got a lot of laughs.”

“I got a lot of laughs. You were a little flat.” He teased, pretending to flip hair behind his shoulder as you sat down.

“Mmm. Love you too.” You cupped his chin and narrowed your eyes at him. The actors and singers around you congratulated you on your first win on the night, all saying you got them with the fake out kiss.

The evening continued with an elated cloud over your seating area as you and Tom soaked up the win.

“Is it just me, or are the cameras hovering around us?” He said suddenly, calling your attention to the many cameras pointed in your direction. You waved at one and the camera man waved back.

“Trying to catch a stolen kiss I presume.” You shrugged as you gripped the award.

“Like we’d ruin the surprise.” He scoffed and put his arm around your shoulders. The second award you were nominated for together was next and your leg was already bouncing.

“I’m gonna be more disappointed in not doing our acceptance speech than I’d be in losing if we don’t get this award.” Tom said, practically reading your mind.

“I know.” You squeezed his knee anxiously. “Fingers crossed.”

“Good luck, darling.” He pulled you in closer and pressed a kiss to your temple.

“I don’t need luck when I have the best screen partner in the world.” You raised your eyebrows at him as you leaned into his body. You stayed in that position as Vanessa Hudgens read the nominees.

“And tonight’s winners for Best Onscreen Couple…Tom Holland and Y/n L/n!” She announced with a smile.

“See?” You smirked at Tom as you stood up.

“Guess I should tell you you’re welcome.” He teased as he scooped you into a tight embrace. He gathered the train of your dress in hand and helped you out of the aisle.

“I’m shaking.” You whispered to him as you made your way to the steps of the stage. “I’m gonna fall.”

“I got you, darling. I won’t let you fall.” He said as he took your hand with his free one and helped you up the stairs. You hugged Vanessa tightly once you got to the podium, whispering in her ear about being a fan.

“Thank you so much for this award.” Tom began your rehearsed acceptance speech. “I’ve always wanted to win best couple.”

“Onscreen couple.” You leaned towards the microphone to correct him. He looked at you in confusion but kept a smile on his face.

“What?”

“We won for best onscreen couple.” You pointed behind you. “Not best couple.”

“Oh.” He nodded like he understood. “So what did we win Best Couple for?”

“We didn’t, since we’re not a couple.” You said slowly, bringing back your joke from earlier in the evening. The audience chuckled as Tom made a show of reading the award and the screen behind him.

“Are you sure?” He asked suddenly, as if he didn’t believe you.

“Oh My God.” You groaned as you rubbed your eyes.

“Cause I feel like we are.” He gestured between the two of you. You shrugged a little and scooted closer to him while batting your lashes.

“I mean…do you wanna be?” You feigned shyness as you tucked some hair behind your ear.

“I don’t know.” He fumbled with the buttons on his suit jacket. “What do you want to do?”

“I don’t know.” You shrugged and looked away. “What do you want to do?”

“I could get my mom to text your mom and they could set something up.” He suggested as he rubbed the back of his neck.

“Okay.” You smiled and picked up the award. “Maybe later we could like, you know.”

You shrugged and he laughed shyly.

“Uh Huh.” He nodded eagerly. “Or we could do like whatever.”

“Yeah.” You let out a shaky breath. “Whatever.”

The two of you smiled in appreciation at the crowd before walking off, award tucked in the crook of your elbow and hands intertwined.

~

“This is the one I’m most excited for.” Tom told you as you waiting for Best Actress to be announced. Tom was the one presenting it, which only made your anxiety spike.

“But it’s just me.” You laughed as you looked at him.

“I know.” He shrugged bashfully. “You don’t need me to win. You’re the real reason people voted for us.”

“You’re just saying that.” You shook your head and put your hand on his bicep.

“Cause it’s true.” He insisted. “You got this.”

“Thanks for voting for me.” You answered sincerely, dragging your fingertips along his cheek.

“How could I not?” He tilted his head before getting tapped by one of the stage assistants. “I gotta go. Good luck.”

He brought your hand to his lips and kissed your knuckles before following the assistant backstage.

You ran your hands over the arm rest, wishing Tom was still beside you to calm your nerves. You only had to wait about twenty minutes before Tom walked on stage with the envelope in hand.

“Nice to see you all again.” Tom greeted. “I know it’s strange to see me without my partner in crime, but she’s busy running through her acceptance speech in her head. Have I pissed off all the other Best Actress nominees? I bet I have.” He joked, earning a few laughs.

“Here are tonight’s nominees for Best Actress.”

You clapped for very nominated actress, noticing the wink Tom sent you when your name was displayed on the screen. Finally, it was time to announce the winner.

“And the winner of Best Actress is…” Tom’s eyes flicked up from the card before looking down again. You shut your eyes tightly and it felt like there was no air in the entire room.

“Y/n L/n.”

Your eyes flew open when you heard Tom call your name. You looked at the stage first, seeing him clapping and whistling for you with a proud smile. The people around you congratulating you, patting your back and rubbing your shoulders as you walked towards the stage. Tom had tears in his eyes as he met you at the top of the stairs, helping you stay balanced in your way to the podium. Tom got there first and took the ward off the podium and held it out to you.

“Here you go, baby.” Tom handed you the award.

Before you could take another step, he took your face between his hands and kissed you firmly. He smiled softly at you once he pulled way as you touched your fingertips to your lips in surprise.

He stepped back and let you move towards the microphone, still feeling flustered from the kiss and the win. You looked at the crowd and felt your mind go blank and they roared with applause. You looked over your shoulder at Tom, who gave you an assuring smile and mouthed “go on.” You blew out a breath and turned back to the audience, having a better grasp on what you wanted to say now.

“I can assure you, I was expecting that as much as you were.” You let out a breathy laugh and the audience laughed too.

“Thank you so much for this. This award means a lot to me.” You held up the award to punctuate your sentence. “I went into this movie thinking it would be a great opportunity to do something different than what I’m used to. I certainly didn’t go into this movie thinking I’d meet the love of my life.” You paused and smiled as a hush fell over the crowd. “Tom and I fell in love over scripts and cups of coffee at midnight, so much in love that I’m not sure I deserve this award because I wasn’t acting. Every soft touch and stolen glance, that was just me being in love with my scene partner.”

You stopped and let the audience clap for your statement, looking over your shoulder at Tom before continuing.

“I guess the secrets out now.” You laughed as you shook your head. “We had a running bet on who would accidentally reveal it first. So in addition to the three awards I won tonight, I will be getting twenty dollars.”

You heard Tom chuckling from behind you and felt compelled to finish up so you could hug him.

“All jokes aside, the number one person I want to thank tonight is Tom. I couldn’t have done this without you. And I’d never want to. I hope I spend the rest of my career sneaking Swedish Fish into award shows with you. Thank you.” You held up the award one last time before turning to Tom. He wrapped his arms around your waist and lifted you off the ground, spinning you around as he pressed a lingering kiss to your cheek.

“Sorry about that. I couldn’t help myself. I was too proud of you.” He smiled as he set you down. You began to walk backstage together, hand in hand.

“It’s all right.” You assured him. “I always appreciate a romantic gesture.”

Tom stayed quiet as you made your way back to your seats, a strange look troubling his handsome features.

“What is it?” You asked as you sat down again. Tom pursed his lips as a shy smile lit up his face.

“That was the first time you said you loved me.” He said timidly as he scratched behind his ear. Your mouth opened and shut as you found yourself at a loss for words. In the excitement of the moment, you hadn’t even realized you admitted your real feelings for him. You’d only been dating two months and while you loved him whole heartedly, you had never had the guts to tell him. Tom looked at you expectingly as he awaited your answer. Knowing there was no going back, you shrugged it off.

“Well I do.” You said finally, making his smile grow. “Is that all right?”

“Is that all right?” He laughed and took your hand in his, pressing a kiss to the back of it. “Yeah. That’s all right.”

“Good. Because I do love you.” You leaned into him and rubbed your nose against his. He scrunched his nose as you made contact, still holding tightly to your hand.

“I love you too.” He said for the first time, feeling a weight lift off his shoulders. “Congratulations, darling.”

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[softiem]

you used to paint his skies (pt. 2)

pairing: Bokuto Koutarou x GN!Reader

overview: The one in which Bokuto is still swearing up and down that he loves you, but the nagging feeling in your chest is too strong to ignore.

word count: ~4.3k

content warnings: mentions of cheating, swearing, MSBY!Bokuto, mildly suggestive scene at the end (no nsfw), our baby Bokuto kind of loses it at the end, don’t let the fluffy interludes deceive you again

notes: I’M SO SORRY FOR LITERALLY BEING DEAD FOR 6 MONTHS,,, Here’s the second part to “you used to paint his skies” :D (I think this is better than part one — at least I hope so). Some people asked to be tagged for this second part, so those will be below. Thank you for reading, darlings ʕ ´•̥̥̥ ᴥ•̥̥̥`ʔ <333

part one.

––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––

“Baby?”

Faint sniffles came from Bokuto, whose head was currently nestled on your lap, the two of you strewn across the sofa. His arms were wrapped tight around your waist, as if he were afraid that holding you any looser would cause you to disappear from his arms. His voice was quiet, meek — nothing like the loud, boisterous ball of energy you’d grown to adore, to cherish.

To fall in love with.

Now, here the both of you were, a pile of cracked and fragmented pieces of the love you once shared, desperately grasping at whatever you could salvage from the mess.

You hummed a response.

“Are we gonna be okay?” Bokuto turned his head, his eyes staring up at you — wide, teary, and filled with a broken sense of hope.

In an attempt to avoid breaking down a third time, you cleared your throat. You still couldn’t look down at him, into his eyes that seemed to praise your very existence, even after the pain you caused.

“Please.” His voice cracked.

“Let’s not talk about that right now, Kou-Bokuto.”

He bit his lip roughly, enough to bite into the skin and draw a slight trace of blood. Choking on a weak sob, he nestled his head into your stomach once more. He couldn’t stop you from calling him that name anymore; he’d lost that privilege.

What could he have been asking for? For you to simply just call him your Koutarou again? For you not to leave him and stay in his arms? For you to kiss him and wipe those tears running from his pretty eyes as you tell him you’ll love him forever, no matter what?

Quite honestly, Bokuto didn’t know what he was asking of you; he didn’t know what he wanted from you.

The only thing running through his mind was the fact that he’d just ruined the best thing to ever happen to him.

You.

You, the love of his life. He knew you like the back of his hand.

He knew how, despite your small tendency to be romantically constipated, you tried your best to love him — even to the point of using stupidly cheesy pet names for each other.

– – – – –

“Please, baby!” Bokuto had your hands tightly grasped in his. “I swear, if you do this for me, I won’t ever ask you for anything else for the rest of my life — okay, that’s a lie because I really want ice cream after this, but you know what I mean!”

“Kou.” You drew in a breath. “I’m saying yes to the ice cream later, but those are the cheesiest pet names I have ever heard of.”

You saw the way Bokuto visibly deflated as he heard your soft rejection of his idea.

For the rest of the night (after stopping by the store and getting yourselves two tubs of ice cream, of course), the two of you sat cuddled up on the sofa half-paying attention to whatever B-list movie was recommended to you. Occasionally, you would hear Bokuto let out a deep sigh, most likely to try and guilt trip you into doing what he asked of you earlier.

Turning your head to face him, you grinned at the little pout on his lips as his eyes bore holes into the TV screen.

“Hey, Kou.”

Nothing. His attention stayed glued to the TV. The only sign that showed he’d heard you was the deepening of his pout.

“Koutaro, pretty boy. I’m talking to you,” you giggled.

Still nothing. You racked your brain for all of the possible ways this could end — every one of them resulted in the same thing.

Sighing, you brought up a finger to poke at his cheek. “Hey, dovey.”

If Bokuto were a dog, his ears would have stood straight up and his tail would have started wagging as he whipped his head around to look at you.

“Say that again,” he demanded, his eyes wide and sparkling and the corner of his lips twitching, just barely restraining a smile.

When you didn’t reply, his fingers prodded at your side — a promise to tickle you if you didn’t humour him right now.

“Say it again! Who am I?”

“You’re my dovey.”

“And who are you?”

You struggled to fight the urge to curl up into yourself as you answered him, “I’m your lovey.”

“And what are we together?” Bokuto brought his face closer to yours, his eyes going back and forth between your eyes and lips.

“We’re lovey dovey.” You completed it with a pair of awkward jazz hands.

With that, Bokuto’s face split into a blinding smile as his laughter rang through the living room. He brought you tight into his arms and buried his face into the crook of your neck.

“Yes! I knew you could do it, lovey!” Your cheeks grew warm as you were subjected to his rain of kisses on your face. 

Pulling him in for one last kiss to your lips, you whispered, “I love you so much, Kou.”

– – – – –

He knew how he was always the first thing on your mind; you’d put him as your first priority without fail, no matter how busy you were, even when he hadn’t put you as his.

– – – – –

Bokuto stared up at the crisp, white ceiling — hospitals were never a fun place to be in. He was broken from his thoughts when the door to his room burst open, revealing you in your ever-ethereal work clothes rushing toward him.

“Babe! Are you alright?” Stopping at the side of his bed, you brought his hand up to place a kiss on his knuckles.

Bokuto let out a light laugh as he intertwined his fingers with yours. “Yeah, it’s just a sprained ankle. Nothing to worry about, honey.”

“What do you mean ‘nothing to worry about’? Your coach said that you’d have to be out for two weeks!”

“That’s not too much! It’s not like I’ll be missing the whole season, angel.”

“But, Kou, you also have to–”

Bokuto stopped your worried rambling as he pulled you down, giving you a soft kiss on your lips and cheeks. He gave you a smile.

“Stop worrying, baby! Everything will be fine because I have the cutest, smartest, and kindest nurse to help me recover, right?”

“And who’s that?” You sent him a teasing look as your hands shuffled through your pockets looking for your phone.

“You, silly!” He paused before staring up at you in concern. “You are going to take care of me, right, baby?”

“I don’t know about that, Kou. Work has been hectic lately.” You pulled out your phone.

“But I’m injured! And I’m your boyfriend too! You can’t just leave your injured boyfriend alone to fend for himself! Baby!” Walking away from his bed, you exited the hospital room, tapping away on your phone.

A few minutes passed before you returned, seeing Bokuto sulking in the hospital bed, a familiar pout on his lips.

Your eyes softened as you gave him a smile. “Guess who just got two weeks off?”

– – – – –

The foundation of your relationship was built upon the fact that the two of you knew each other like no other; you loved each other like no other.

So how had everything culminated into such a mess?

“Bokuto.” You felt the way his body stiffened as you called his name.

“Yes,” he hesitated, “honey?”

“Do you remember what I told you a couple years ago? About what I thought of love?”

Feeling a prickling sensation in his nose, Bokuto squeezed his eyes shut, forcing out a few tears that had collected on his eyelashes.

His voice came out hoarse and weak as he whispered, “I could never forget.”

– – – – –

The sky was enveloped in a cloak of darkness, but not even the onslaught of exhaustion could prevent the two of you from leaning back on the picnic blanket to stare up at the shimmering stars.

“Baby?” Bokuto turned his head to where you lay beside him. You hummed in response, half of your attention taken by the stars.

“What do you think about love?”

You raised an eyebrow, rolling onto your side to fully look at your boyfriend.

The moonlight casted harsh shadows on his face, but the way he looked at you — eyes sparkling with curiosity and the corners of his lips curled into a light smile — softened the darkness surrounding the two of you.

“Where did that question come from?” You raised a hand to lightly trace over the curves and slopes of his face; your thumb caressed his cheek as he leaned into your touch.

“Answer my question first, and then I’ll tell you.” His eyes turned into little crescent moons as he smiled at you. “Deal?”

You pretended to think about it for a few seconds. “Hm, three kisses please,” you said, wiggling three of your fingers.

Bokuto laughed, indulging you with a kiss to both of your cheeks and a final kiss to your lips.

“Okay, okay,” you giggled. “You asked me what I think about love?”

He nodded.

“Well,” you sighed, turning back to face the midnight sky above you, “I think that love is like the sky — the sun, to be specific. It’s always changing, and everything is so unpredictable about it. There’s so much potential for destruction in what the sky holds. But, there’s always one constant. Do you know what it is, Kou?” You looked at him.

“What is it, angel?” His golden eyes glimmered, as if they were holding stars themselves.

Adjusting your position on the picnic blanket (you curled closer into Bokuto, who wrapped an arm around your shoulders), you continued, “It’s the sun. No matter how much it rains or snows or whatever weather catastrophe is happening, the sun is always going to be there. Sure, you can have multiple suns like those Star Wars planets, but…” you trailed off, looking into his eyes. “... I think I’m happy with my one sunshine.”

Bokuto, ever the romantic, pulled you into a nearly-bone-crushing hug as he laughed into your shoulder. After peppering kisses to your neck and jaw, he pulled away to look at you. He sported the brightest smile, but something sparkled behind those eyes of his.

“Baby?”

“Yeah?”

“I think you’re getting cheesier than me.”

You groaned, leaning away from him, “Shut up, Kou!”

He giggled before placing a gentle kiss on your lips.

“Now let’s get home before these mosquitoes eat us alive, honey.”

“And then you’ll tell me where you got that question from?”

“Of course, honey! I never break a deal!”

– – – – –

How could he forget what you said? Every word you’ve ever spoken to him, he’s grasped onto like a lifeline, as if they would be your last. He was so close to bursting — so close to pulling himself off of your lap, looking into your pretty eyes, grasping your shoulders, and yelling at you, screaming at you, asking why you would think he could ever forget anything about you. How dare you think he could ever forget anything about you?

But he couldn’t do that. Not to you. Not anymore.

He didn’t realise that you’d gone silent — his world had gone silent — until your sniffles broke his reverie. His arms tightened around your waist as his head nuzzled into your stomach once again; it was a broken act of comfort.

“Honey,” the edges of his voice cracked as he called out for you. “Talk to me. Please. Don’t… don’t stay quiet.”

Being met with another bout of silence was almost excruciating. Bokuto was struggling to keep himself together, to keep his head above the water before he drowned in his thoughts of losing you.

He launched himself up from your lap, grabbing your face with shaky hands. He had tears running down his face once again. His face was blotchy, and his hair was a mess. He was a mess.

“Please, lovey,” he whispered. If you stayed silent just one minute longer, he’d collapse. He was sure of it. Fighting the urge to just sit himself in your lap, pull you tight against him, and beg you not to leave, Bokuto settled with caressing the skin under your shirt.

Finally, you broke the silence.

“I forgot to tell you one thing that night.” You moved your hand from where it was resting in his hair back to your side; he tensed at the loss of your touch.

He swallowed, his anxiety began to pile up once again. “What’d you forget, baby?”

“Even though the sun” — your voice cracked — “is a constant, sometimes it can be too much. Burn too bright and dry up everything underneath the sky. Sometimes...” you paused to take a deep breath, trying to swallow back the lump that was growing in your throat. “Sometimes the sun can do even worse harm than anything the sky could do.”

Bokuto could feel the gradual increase of his heartbeat. He shook his head, his fingers involuntarily digging into your skin. No, no, you didn’t mean that. You couldn’t mean that. If you did he… he didn’t know what he would do.

“I’m sorry, Bokuto,” you murmured, “I can’t stay here any longer.”

You tried to pry yourself out of his grip, but he wouldn’t relent. His arms were shaking as he pulled you even closer into him. He was whispering something to himself.

“Bokuto, I’m being serious.” You tried to keep your voice stable but failed miserably — it all came out shaky, your tone uneven. “Let me go.”

His whispers grew louder until you could finally understand what he was saying.

“No, no. This isn’t real. I love you. I love you. No, don’t leave. Please don’t leave. I love you.”

You called his name. Once, twice, thrice. As you called for him, his whispers grew to full-blown cries.

“Bokuto!”

“I’M SORRY DON’T LEAVE ME!”

But the only thing your eyes chose to focus on was the trail of red and purple leading down his neck.

You felt a prickling sensation behind your eyes, a feeling that had grown familiar to you in the past few hours.

Bokuto caught the wandering of your eyes down his neck, a faraway mist muddled the irises he loved gazing into; he realised what you were staring at, forcing down a choked sob. He clenched his jaw, violently cursing himself for making you feel like you weren’t enough, like you weren’t the one keeping him standing straight.

Like you weren’t his sun, moon, stars, and whatever else you filled the fucking sky with.

He gently moved your head, trying to get you to look back into his eyes and away from the bruised mistake that marred his skin. His thoughts only filled with one thing — “Come back to me, baby.”

Waves of relief crashed against him once you met his eyes.

“Baby– Angel– I’m so– I don’t– Please–” Bokuto struggled to keep his thoughts straight. Not when you stared at him with an iciness that pierced his heart every time he looked back into your eyes, hoping to find even the smallest trace of love left for him.

He let out a rough sigh, frustrated with his inability to speak through the racing of his heart. His hands, still cupping your face, lightly squeezed your cheeks to ground himself. He looked back to you, his eyes swimming with even more tears, trying to send a message to you that he couldn’t put into words.

You looked away from him, focusing on the ticking clock on the wall as you gnawed your lip. A question had been running through your mind ever since he cracked into your resolve to leave and pulled you to the sofa, laying his head in your lap.

Your eyes turned back to him.

“Can you tell me something, Bokuto?”

“Yes, yes, baby, of course. I’ll do anything you want.” He eagerly nodded, a small spark of hope sparkled within him.

“Why’d you lie?”

He felt as though you just dumped him into one of Atsumu’s god-awful ice baths.

“What’re you saying, angel?” His eyebrows furrowed. “I’ve never lied to you.”

“Earlier,” you croaked. “I asked you earlier how long you’ve been” — you couldn’t say that word; it’d hurt too much — “messing around.”

A glint of recognition passed his eyes.

Continuing, you forced your voice out, even though it grew weaker the more you tried to hide your pain, “You said that it was just this once. That wasn’t the whole truth, was it?”

Fuck. Bokuto took his hands away from your face, opting to grasp one of your hands in his. He gave your knuckles a kiss before looking back at you, his eyes teeming with unadulterated guilt and desperation.

“I-I knew them before this ever happened. We met at one of the team parties, but you weren’t there because you were at work.” He saw a glimpse of darkness shadow over your face, and his heartbeat picked up again (not that it ever really settled). “But we never did anything! Not until last night, at least.” His voice grew quiet at the end.

“And never once did it occur to you to tell them that you were taken?”

Bokuto’s lips started trembling — no doubt he’d begin crying again. He looked down, trying to avoid your glare, but his grip on your hand never loosened.

“Please, baby. I’m so sorry,” he choked out, “I’m so fucking sorry. I fucked up in the worst way possible. But I promise you, I never did anything with them before. We just talked at that one party. I promise you that. I promise, honey.”

The look in your eyes became even colder, even more distant; something akin to hatred was present as well. No, this couldn’t be happening. His worst nightmare was coming true. You’d finally learned the truth and were going to leave him. You might have called him your sunshine that one night two years ago, but, to him, you were his oxygen — without you, he was truly nothing. Just a corpse of a man, not worth wasting a breath on.

He was losing you. Again.

“I’m leaving, Bokuto.” You roughly pulled your hand from his grasp, ignoring his cries for you to please stop, to listen for just a minute longer. “Don’t you dare try to look for me.”

Bokuto whimpered, following you to where you were trying to pick up your bags in your haste of anger. Once again, he tugged at the straps, trying to steal them away from you, but his arms grew weak at the scowl pointed his way.

His breath quickened, and his heart raced. He was panicking, grasping at straws to have to rethink your choice and stay with him so he could apologise for the rest of both of your lives. He’d spend the remainder of eternity begging for your forgiveness if only you’d just stay with him.

But he couldn’t say a word. Not with his blinded panic, and definitely not with the terrible, agonising look you were giving him as you stared back at him.

Was this how you felt when he’d walked out on you last night? Hopeless. Defenseless. As if you weren’t even worth a grain of sand underneath the other’s shoe.

“Lovey, I’m sorry!” Bokuto cried out one more time, hoping that he’d reach out to whatever small piece of love you still held for him. “I said I’m sorry! Please just forgive me, don’t leave me. Please! I’m begging you! Whatever you want me to do, I’ll do it a million times over. Just, please,” he quieted to a whisper, just barely reaching your ears, “stay with me, and we can get through this together.”

His face crumpled as he heard your responding scoff.

“There’s no more ‘together’ for us, Bokuto.”

Your words stung — well, they stung as much as a gunshot or a knife to the heart would sting. He pressed on, desperate to get you to hear him out.

“I’m your sunshine, right? Your dovey. Your babe. Your pretty boy. Your Koutarou. Right?” He gripped onto the hem of his shirt, balling his hands into fists. “No matter what you call me, I’m yours. And I always will be. Even if you leave me right now, I’ll never stop looking for you. You know why?”

You stayed silent.

“Because I am just as much your sun as you are mine.”

His words echoed in your mind — that twisted, gnawing feeling came back in your gut. You knew that if you stayed for one more minute, it’d be over for you, and you’d go running back into his arms that always held you so tightly. Into his arms that smelt like home. Into his arms that made you feel like you were on top of the world as long as he was by your side. Into his arms that held onto another once the two of you reached a rough patch.

You made your decision.

“Koutarou…” His head snapped up to look at you, his eyes wide and glittering with a false sense of hope. “I’m sorry. I have to leave.”

There was another feeling growing within Bokuto. It was ugly, festering in the deepest parts of his mind — coming from a place that refused to acknowledge his faults. This feeling, it blamed

you. Why would you hurt him like this? How could you hurt him like this? You said he was your sunshine, your dovey, your Koutarou! How cruel could you be to lead him on, calling him ‘Koutarou’ again? You said you loved him!

“Don’t leave me!” He raised his voice. This feeling was taking over him, and it was angry. “If you leave, I’ll-I’ll…” His voice trailed off as he tried to regain control of himself.

Your brows furrowed. He still had the energy to yell, huh?

“You’ll what?” You took a step toward him. He looked away from you, trying to avoid your burning gaze. “Tell me, Koutarou. What will you do if I leave?”

He shook his head; you knew what that meant — “I won’t say it.”

“You’ll go back to them, won’t you?” you scoffed. “Have fun, Koutarou.”

Adjusting the straps of your bags, you gave him one last glare before moving toward the door once more.

That feeling came back in Bokuto’s mind, and it was stronger than ever. Pounding against the walls he built up, it roared, telling him to make you regret hurting him, make you think twice about leaving him. Bokuto was panicking, his will to beg you to stay was growing weaker as the feeling inside him became increasingly angry at you for causing him so much pain.

He knew he’d regret the next words he’d say to you, but that realisation came a second too late.

“I’ll never forgive you!”

You froze. Turning back around to face him, your eyes narrowed. “What?”

“If you leave me, I’ll never forgive you!”

His eyes were burning into you, a raging fire behind them.

“You’ll never forgive me?” you spat.

As quickly as the fire grew, it was extinguished as Bokuto’s expression morphed into one of shock.

“Wait, baby, I didn’t mean it! I promi–”

Dropping your bags by the door, you strided toward his figure. Pushing him against the wall, you pulled him in by the collar, melding his lips with yours.

The kiss was rough, angry, desperate — an amalgamation of everything you’ve felt in the past few hours going back and forth with Bokuto.

You pushed yourself into the space between his legs as he finally recovered from his shock and tried to match your tempo, his hands pulling you close into his body. Your teeth clashed together, and you had half the mind to bite his tongue in your mouth, but you held back.

Raking your fingers through his hair, you pulled his head back, ignoring his small, pained whine. The offensive mess of red and purple blotches still covered the expanse of his neck. A scowl grew on your face.

Bokuto yelped as he felt your lips latch onto his neck, sucking your own bruises over the ones already existing from his escapade. You were rough, unrelenting in your nearly-primal way of claiming him.

Trying to ignore your satisfaction from hearing his whimpers of your name, you pulled away, looking at your series of marks covering the ones from his other lover. The two of you were left panting — him trying to meet your eyes and you trying to avoid looking at him at all costs.

Leaning into his ear, you placed a gentle bite on his lobe. He tensed ever-so-slightly.

“You’ll never forgive me if I leave?” you hummed.

His hands that were under your shirt, roaming across your back, froze.

“B-Baby, wait, I didn’t–” He tried to plead with you until your next words completely shattered what was left of his broken, battered heart.

“I think I can live with that.”

You quickly backed away from him, evading his attempts to grab at your waist to stop you from leaving, and picked up your bags by the door. Looking back at him one last time, you nearly broke your facade.

After all he’s done, you still loved your Koutarou — no matter how much you tried to convince yourself otherwise — and seeing him on his knees, sobbing, begging you not to leave for the umpteenth time, your will was wearing thin.

“Goodbye, Koutarou.”

The slam of the front door echoed across the remnants of his shattered heart and all he had the strength to do was cry. Pulling at the strands of his hair, he sobbed, begging into the air, weeping with no one to listen to him.

Without you, his world had no sky; everything was bathed in the shadow of your absence.

––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––

tags: @katelyns-stuff @random-fandom-girl-24

[boytouya]

𝙄𝙣𝙠���𝙞𝙣𝙜 𝙊𝙛 𝙇𝙤𝙫𝙚

words: 1k

request: “aizawa with a male reader who's mean looking and has a punk aesthetic, but actually just looks angry all the time because bad eyesight and bad memory”

a/n: i didn’t write this! @8ucki did, i just added a sentence or two in. if you still want me to write it i’d be happy to :)

Shota’s class is quiet after hours, the air of the classroom humid from groups of sweaty teens bustling in and out all day, the summer sun beating through the window panes of the ample room. You’re sat on a random desk, kicking your legs out childishly while music dances through the bud of your earphones. It’s not often you get to see Shota working, his dedication to keeping work-life separate from your relationship works most of the time, unless you’re pestering him to spend time together- even if it does mean listening to music while he scribbles corrections on his kids’ english papers.

You’re busy tracing the empty space of skin that adorns your tattooed forearm when you hear a cough in front of you, Shota’s idly staring over at you with a small smile on his face.

He’s a kind man, with a considerable amount of love for his job and his friends. His long black hair is swept up into a lazy bun that’s hanging loosely at the nape of his neck, strands falling out around his face and into his vision. There’s pale bruise-like bags that sit heavy under his eyes and an uneven shadow of stubble across his jaw. He’s still smiling at you, softly, wordlessly asking if you’re okay and you find yourself copying his expression, and nodding his way.

He goes back to scribbling and you can’t help but wonder how you got so damn lucky. Everyone’s first impression of you is always along the lines of ‘mean’ or ‘intimidating’ there’s little to the imagination where those descriptions of you came from. You have tattoos inking your body, spiraling from your neck down to your ankles, in between the crevices of your ribs and the expanse of your back; piercings too- ones that adorn your face, bars of black metal sticking through the curves of your ears and the skin of your nose and lip. It’s never been a second thought to you, about how you look or what people think. Until you met Aizawa.

You remember the first time you met his homeroom class, a bunch of teenagers with a passion for getting into trouble. Of course, you had heard all about them multiple times before; Shota may not show it but he has almost as much parental instinct when it comes to those kids as he does when it comes to your cat or the inhuman amount of houseplants that cover your flat.

The fond memory of your first meeting with his class brings a smile to your face, remembering a few students who came to ask about your tattoos and even some about the nature of your quirk. Then the questions came, about how their Sensei got with such a punk- or how did you meet (not that you’d answer that one aloud).

“Hey,” Shota says grumpily, pulling you out of your fond train of thought, his voice rough around the edges “Been trying to get your attention for five minutes. You ready to go?” He says, failing to stifle the ghost of a smile that contorts his face. Of course you’d forgotten about it, even for just a minute, but he didn’t mind. He’s stood against his desk now, leaning against it with his head cocked towards you. His shirt sleeves are pulled up to the elbows and the pale expanse of skin is risen with light blue veins, even after your constant pestering he hasn’t gotten a single tattoo on his empty canvas of a body.

You meet his eyes and suddenly there’s that all too familiar warmth flooding up the back of your neck, creeping its way to the tips of your ears and creating a swarm of butterflies in the depth of your stomach. “Yeah.. yeah I’m ready.” You say, smiling, the bar of your tongue piercing pressing against the roof of your mouth as you do so.

Shota decides to walk home, your shared flat a comfortable few blocks away from the school. The air is still humid from the heat of the beating summer sun and you walk lazily next to him, loosely holding hands as you do so.

“I think I want to get another tattoo,” You say offhandedly, watching the way your intertwined hands sway as you walk. Shota just raises a brow and makes a questioning noise in the back of his throat, “Yeah, I want a cat in a sleeping bag, thoughts?” You end up laughing out, squeezing Shota’s hand when he tells you that you’re embarrassingly cheesy. You squint your eyes at him, making out the blanket of stubble framing his face.

“Yeah but you love me for it.” You reply, poking your tongue out at the older man in response. He only rolls his eyes to that.

-

The kids have warmed up to you by the fourth time you’ve seen them, happily greeting you with smiles as you sit on the wood of Shota’s desk. Some of them ask to see your new tattoo and end up cooing at the sensitive picture that’s been buried into the skin of your forearm. A little black cat snoozing in a sleeping bag, it’s simple really, but everyone who sees it seems to get the message.

Hizashi swings by with a cup of coffee for you and Shota, he comes over to you and pulls you to the side, uncharacteristically quiet as he speaks. “He loves ya, y’know? Crazy for you. Even the kids can tell.” It’s a small gesture, something so tiny and seemingly obvious to absolutely everyone else but just being told how in love with you he seems to be- how explicit it can be read from his face- it has your heart bursting.

“Yeah, I love him too.” You smile, thanking the blond haired man for your mug of coffee before turning to look in Shota’s direction, your eyes meeting happily.

Maybe you’ll convince him to get that tattoo after all, if you remember.

taglist:

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