#multiple times every single day” is it not enough that i’m fucking alive. you fuckers (/nbh) make me want to kill myself more frequently

[flippedorbit]

why can’t there be one day, one FUCKING day where i’m not yelled at over something stupid

[behindthebrokenglass]

If there’s one thing I can’t stand about humanity it’s the closed minded individuals out there that throw their opinions on people with absolutely no charisma whatsoever. Everybody’s feelings on a matter or situation are most definitely valid EVEN if you disagree with them, feelings are a very personal thing. Never shame someone for that ever. Be what they need. Then there’s the people who get way too opinionated, can be committed to misunderstanding you or a situation based on pre-judgment. Being blunt is one thing, but forcing YOUR beliefs on another person and their life... that’s a characteristic I’m just personally not a fan of. Not my energy. THENNNNN there are those non-believers who always pretended to be on your side but never took a single thing you’ve said or done seriously or put any value into the friendship whatsoever. The fucks the point? Was I mind blind? Or did things slowly separate through time, struggles, and believe systems? Ask as many of these questions as I could all day long but what does that do?

Being a human is difficult because we all make mistakes all the time. I have apologized to many people for protruding on their lives, and projecting the un-healed version of myself onto their life at that time. Even if they want nothing to do with me after due to the loss of respect; I sleep well knowing I owned up to a mistake or mistakes at the end of the day. There are many who will bring up your crappiest moments and all I can respond with now is “ that’s like robbing an old house I don’t live at anymore... that’s not my stuff. But even so, defending yourself doesn’t always stop them from trying to continue to make you feel like shit...and viewing you as literal satan! Lol! People come and go. They are either stepping stones or sinking sand. True colors always reveal themselves at the end of it all. My best friends in the entire world that I trusted every secret and hard time with for over 15 + years. Thought they would be my people forever. Time went by.... and I started switching a perspective. Some of our best friends that we counted on and trusted ..... you realize they were never truly there for you. That they slowly drifted into different people.... -> or, Did I?

The characteristics I love the most about myself is that I have always been an honest person, when I was shady I owned up, made an effort to make it up to them and learned to drop any expectations. I was always honest to their face so if they didn’t like it and I’ve said things to others, shame on me. Because I could talk shit on someone all day without realizing I need to humble myself down. I’ve been .... not the best friend to people, made no effort, caused multiple destructions, I’ve turned on god himself before. I’ve walked through hell..... I’ve acquainted myself with evil evil people before. Doesn’t matter what you say about someone at the end of the day. You’re never going to change their mind. Change you’re perspective and responses. I’m still learning this. I take what I call

Pause moments

Why? Because I know my demons well enough that if I let them out to dance with the devil ever again it may end up a bloody mess , or a colorful disaster. I understand my monsters .... well enough to know I’ve had to look them straight in the face and harness those mother fuckers.

I read a lot of books, I’m obsessed with the tv show criminal minds, as well as looking into serial killers. Knowing I have birth family who have....and I know the blood runs thick....is it genetic? Is it something you’re born with? Develop in time? What triggers this behavior.

This is why I’m not judge mental. What’s the point? I’m curious... what happened? Who hurt you? What made you peak to this extreme? Do you have a chemical imbalance? Random people don’t just act out of no reason....

We can all be closed minded and BLIND... but that’s a choice. The best part is I am receptive to others opinions. Quietly listening does a lot for someone... but then again when am I ever the one listened to? Nobody takes my life seriously because the amount of dark I have had to fight through isn’t something normal people will ever understand. And quite frankly I don’t think they realize how truly blessed they are. And I don’t even mean that in a zealous type of manner, like I’m happy for them and I hope their lives stay peaceful forever..... and if it isn’t I hope it’s normal bumps in the world no pot holes or flat tires. Not everybody had that life made for them. Shit happens. We don’t all have to think the same, respond the same, feel the same, or see the same. That’s the beauty that I do love about humanity is that I have the ability to understand others beyond their own understanding and now I have to learn to shut the fuck up and stay the listener not the talker. Responding can be good and bad. I over respond for others to know I understand. But then again they may see it as me interrupting and that’s not fair. I hate when people I thought were my friends interrupt me to change the subject. I’m thankful for them, happy for them, and I actually mean that. Because I would never wish my struggles on other people. Not on my worst enemy. And only 30% of the world will get it.

So what do you do about it in my shoes? Too many feelings... too many thoughts going 66 miles per hour in 6 different lanes.

At least not everything is black and white. Somehow this will make me come out strong chin up and something big can come from it or I can let non-believer fake ass friends and a team of snake ass haters get in my way. But did any other person who made history let that get to them and in the way? No. They knew their journey, and in the end dead or alive they made some sort of difference by putting in an effort. They chose not to give up on because they knew that was their greater purpose is in this life. And it was all for the right reasons.

I send love and light to any of those in pain that need the spiritual side to help play their parts in justice, peace, kindness, and to humble us as we journey into better brighter destinations. Amen

[sinkix]

《What your fav Haikyuu!! Character says about you│Nekoma Edition》

Yo-hoo! Here’s another part to this potential(?) series! I hope you enjoy the possible call-outs in some of these lmao. Writers block been kicking my ass recently but I had a lot of fun writing these. Enjoy <3

You can find the Karasuno ver. here 

✧✧✧✧✧ ✧✧✧✧✧ ✧✧✧✧✧ ✧✧✧✧✧

Kuroo:

Have a hand fetish and will not say no to choking.

Daddy kink™

Will not accept anything below 6 inches.

More of a dog person but would love to own a black cat.

You drool over tattoos.

Your grades are mostly B’s but you know in your heart you deserve that A, and tbh you probably do. Chase ur goals bby.

Halloween is likely your favourite holiday.

You have to resist not to carve a dick into the pumpkin EvEry GodDAmN YeAr.

You either study for 6 hours consecutively or cannot study at all and you get very frustrated at this.

Have the potential to be a good leader and command the room but probably don’t put it to use as much as you should.

Your playlist parkours from sad 3am crying into your pillow songs to aggressive punk music you could rob a store to.

You like bad boys who hang around bars and look like they would put out a cigarette on your forearm and call you a slut. Just stating facts sweaty xoxo.

Either dress very feminine and girly with a ‘smol girl uwu’ aesthetic or a hardass punk who would kick your ass for a can of beer no in between and tbh both are equally hot.

You’re a big softie at heart either way and just want to be held and told everything will be okay.

Ur a hoe for when people stroke your hair or caress your chin it’s your ultimate weakness.

Watched Rick & Morty.

Twice.

Sleeves rolled up veiny forearms and donning a silver watch are your muse and something you fantasise about frequently.

Most of your memes are shitty top text bottom texts that are somehow funny and I don’t understand why lmao.

You call someone ‘bro’ even if it’s someone you’re immensely attracted to.

Did someone say ties? No it’s just ur dirty ass thoughts thinking about that hot business dudes attire from across the street and how you wish they were tied around ur wrists.

Probably had a crush on Jeff the Killer as a tween and are relentlessly haunted by your old Wattpad library. 

Tbh any dark-haired dude with bedhead that screams rugged and probably not good for you is something that draws you like a moth to a flame.

You often question why every person you’ve fallen for has been a Scorpio and curse that tendency of yours.

Dw man they’re hot so I feel u.

Kenma:

Went through a ‘I’m not like other __’ phase and it’s something that you think about a lot and wish you didn’t.

Watched dan & phil as a kid.

Any mention of Pokemon has you turning into a rabid beast you get way too excited.

It’s cute though dw bby.

Pretty antisocial but interesting to talk to.

Your family often question how you’re able to sleep in till 3pm and judge you heavily for it.

Nocturnal night owl gang rise up.

Frequently have bags under your eyes but somehow manage to pull it off.

Listen to ASMR on the down-low and will never admit it to a single soul.

Frequently go on BL binges and have many related book marks.

You pray that someone will never find your laptop bc holy fuck the amount of smut on that.

You wear scarves & beanies even when it isn’t that cold outside.

100% went through a scene hair phase/attempted to.

You dye your hair a lot or REALLY want to.

You have a voice kink low-key so anyone with a pleasant/soothing sounding voice just gets u goin’.

Cats are your favourite animal and you either do or want to own several.

Would name them after video game/anime characters u fuckin nerd lol.

Speaking of cats ,you fantasise heavily about cat-boys and have a folder dedicated to them.

Oversized hoodies are your vibe and always ball the sleeve hems in your fist as a comfort mechanism.

Shopping centres are your worst nightmare and trigger your claustrophobia or social anxiety and honestly I feel that spiritually.

Have a cute sticky note collection.

You like a lot of music consisting of guitar and slow/soothing beats.

You also fw EDM/ techno on occasions.

Honestly wouldn’t wanna anger you since you have a seething temper when pushed far enough.

It’s the kinda temper that’s eerily quiet but no less terrifying, like the other person can tell you are graphically plotting their demise.

You love sleeping to the sound of rainfall and often play those nature ambience videos while you sleep.

Never tidy your sheets and it’s just a big scrunched up heap of fabric in the centre of your mattress most of the time.

Make your fucking bed.

Lev:

Your ships are chaotic and shamelessly controversial.

Would do something just for the sake of creating mayhem lmao.

You were the fucker who stuck their chewing gum under the desk, I see you.

Your brain never stops whirring it’s a constant hurricane of crackhead energy and you have no idea how to turn it off. 

Would eat a stick of pencil lead for $2

You don’t help your situation with the amount of coffee/energy drinks you consume.

The class clown who cries themselves to sleep.

Such a wholesome dumbass but somehow kinda intimidating??? 

Even if you’re not confident you can do something you’ll try anyway and honestly I respect that about you.

You !! use!!! a lot??!! of!! random punctuation!!! so you always??!?!? seem!!111!! excited!!!!!11!?

Every time you’ve ever tried to make a sandcastle it has failed.

You tried to eat the sand once but we don’t talk bout that.

You would  also pick up slugs and snails and chase your friends around with them.

Can never tell whether people are laughing with you or at you and while you don’t let it show it high-key bothers you when you’re laying alone in your room at night.

Not one to hold grudges, you carry a ‘shit happens’ mentality which is v good but it sometimes leads to people taking advantage of it or walking all over you.

Your meme collection is both questionable and horrifying.

Like how many cursed images and heavily distorted pictures does one person need.

Never organise the files on your PC/laptop so it looks like a complete dumpster fire.

The one at sleepovers who persistently woke everyone else up with their snickering and refusal to sleep till dawn.

For the love of Asahi charge your damn phone.

I see that red bar and ‘12%’

Charge it now.

Bought a plant one time, gave it a name and talked to it frequently.

It died not long after bc u forgot to fucking water it.

No one better ever make you responsible for a pet.

Type of person that when someone asks you to tag along on an endeavour no matter how stupid it is you will agree.

2am skydiving in france? hell yeah.

Midnight shopping spree and spending over half your pay check? count you in.

Exploring an abandoned hospital and performing an Ouija board to summon the demons of hell? you’re damn right you’ll be there.

I hope you have a mum friend by your side bc if not how are you still alive.

You sometimes put the milk in before the cereal and it’s something I’ll never forgive you for.

Yaku:

Very responsible and usually make the right decisions.

You do have moments where you act like a complete dumbass though.

Like u go from 50 year old to 5 year old in the blink of an eye.

A hopeless romantic but it’s a side you don’t often reveal.

Prefer strawberry milk over any other flavour.

You’re the type of person to shower twice a day w/o fail.

Where that stank smell coming from? Not you clearly bc your skin is basically 90% The Body Shop’s rose scented soap at this point.

You get stomach aches a lot and you can’t figure out why.

Probably an allergy to everyone’s bs.

Really good at dirty talk even though you don’t seem the type so people are always taken aback.

You have to be really in the mood though otherwise it falls flatter than Oikawa’s ass, use your skill wisely.

You often call people clowns when you know you’re secretly the biggest one going.

Honk honk, hoe.

You send messages in one paragraph rather than multiple texts unless you are REALLY excited.

People underestimate you at times then are shocked when they realise you are capable of being a fire-breathing dragon from the flaming pits of hell.

You like spicy chicken wings.

Such a petty little shit at times lmao.

Enjoy the view from the top of mountains so you either hike a lot or really want to.

Way more of a cat person since it’s just much more convenient for you.

Usually pretty cheerful or calm and people are drawn to your stable/friendly aura.

Went through a phase of drinking mountain dew and your body still feels the awful effects

Fav element is probably air.

You’re 5′6″ or shorter.

Box dyed your hair brunette several times and can never get the pigment out to this day.

Yamamoto:

Whenever you smell something weird in the room you always internally freak out and think it’s you.

Head-butting walls is your hobby.

You fell off your bike as a kid and still have the scar on your knee.

Probably have tons of ear piercings.

Would tame a pigeon and call it Larry.

You get frequent nosebleeds and can never tell if it’s a medical issue or your extreme simping for fictional men/women.

Hopefully the latter.

You constantly chew your pen/pencil in class so you never lend them to anyone out of embarrassment.

I really hope no one ever lends you stationery bc 30 minutes later it’ll look like it was mauled by a rabid rottweiler.

You really want to own a dog and would call it something intimidating like Banshee or Diablo.

You bleached your hair that one time and it almost fell out so now you’re forced to stay at least 10 metres away from all at-home hair dye products.

You tried your best though bby so A for effort, even if it did look like dehydrated ramen afterwards.

Your grades are mostly C’s and you’re barely passing bc you just don’t care about your classes lol.

Still though you’re actually pretty smart so put it to good use you lazy oaf, channel that crackhead energy into something good.

Your phone screen has several cracks in it from when you dropped it on the bathroom floor while shitting and you’ll always be angry at yourself for that.

You have some really weird quirks but you make it work.

Actually a v chill person but you just kinda attract chaos/trouble wherever you go.

Carry a lighter with you even when you don’t need one.

Shy texter but once people see you irl you are the complete opposite, you just dk how to text without coming across as awkward.

One of those people that’s unintentionally funny and always get confused when you make someone laugh but it makes you feel good regardless.

Have a cool necklace collection and own at least one dog-tag/army style pendant.

Should really consider buying a rabbit you would look so cute w/ one.

You have really nice legs and people should compliment them more.

Either severely dehydrated or overly hydrated to the point you are peeing pure tap water so for the love of god please learn moderation, your kidneys and bladder will thank you for it.

Inuoka:

Your favourite character would be Hinata but you like people taller than you so your love for Inuoka spawned.

You really enjoy using the double spiderman meme.

Cannot correctly verbalise your feelings without creating a minimum of 10 misunderstandings but once people are used to it it’s kinda endearing.

You usually wake up in a good mood and people can never fathom how or why.

You either stay up till 5am or you wake up at that time no in between.

A morning person bc you love the sunrise.

Change your lock-screen very regularly bc you get bored.

Your humour consists solely of poop jokes.

When you don’t understand a joke you laugh anyway and hope they don’t ask you if you actually get it.

Happened once and you’re still traumatised from the cricket silence that fell upon the room.

Really like the taste of lemonade and drink it more often than you should.

Often think about what you would look like with a shaved head.

More of an extrovert but def have occasional introvert tendencies where you wanna be left tf alone.

Never allowed to pick up anything in stores bc the last time you did you sniffed a scented candle and it shattered to the floor.

Constantly have spontaneous ideas of what to change about your appearance.

You use a lot of hand gestures like thumbs up and peace signs.

‘Dude’ and ‘lmao’ is 90% of your vernacular.

Your nails are a disaster, some are down to the nub while others are pretty grown out bc you only bite a select few please sort it out.

Look really good in red.

Your laptop has way too many tabs open from random google searches of words you didn’t know the meaning to.

You read a lot of books but for like 10 minutes at a time bc you have the attention span of a walnut.

You are the type of person to nuke your AO3 tags with things that aren’t even relevant purely bc you found them funny.

Your Tumblr drafts are a nightmare, you have like 100+ in the works yet keep starting new projects why do you do this.

Happy sunshine but you have a LOT of mood swings like that shit comes out of nowhere.

Cry pretty often but no one ever sees and it’s usually because of said mood swings.

You always smile and pick yourself up again though which I commend you for.

TYPES IN CAPITALS IN SITUATIONS THAT DO NOT REQUIRE SAID PUNCTUATION SO YOU SEEM LIKE YOU’RE YELLING ALL THE TIME.

[thunder-the-ranger-wolf]

On (Not) Wooing Steve Rogers

@aurumacadicus

Happy birthday, Owl! Hope you like the fic!

Summary: Stony No Powers College AU where Steve is definitely pining over his best friend who is a genius. They go to MIT for different reasons and Rhodey is sick of their shenanigans so he sets them up on a dinner date and he and Carol laugh from across the restaurant as they watch the boys stutter their way through a good time. Turns out, Tony thinks he's hot as hell and "was going to ask him out anyway, thanks, Rhodey! I guess."

Steve

Steve couldn’t stop looking at him. He moved fast and he talked faster. Every other word out of his mouth sounded like a foreign language that everyone in this class could understand except for Steve. He belonged on this track. He deserved to be in this class. But… maybe he’d bit off more than he could chew, coming into a two-hundred-level class and expecting it to make sense. It was on his track sheet, and no one said anything about prerequisites. In fact, when he’d talked to his advisor the older man had waved him off and allowed him into the class. On the request that they meet twice a week to make sure Steve was keeping up with the class. He was lucky that Erskine was so hands-on, but that probably had something to do with the program he was in. An Architecture student who put the art in the architecture, this stuff was going right over his head.

But his classmates were just fine with it, apparently. And so was the boy a few seats in front of him who broke into the teacher’s lecture every five minutes to correct him. Some people were a bit annoyed with the guy, who looked to be around Steve’s age, but he definitely knew what he was doing. He managed to shut them up with each question they asked until they could no longer catch him off-guard and stopped trying after a bit.

Steve was lost by his conversation with the professor and just as lost in the boy’s eyes, one chocolate brown and the other crystal blue. He didn’t even know that type of heterochromia was possible in nature, but it looked right at home on this boy. Steve spent the rest of the lecture sketching the boy’s face and writing down every other word he said. He’d look some of it up later. He needed something to bring to Erskine.

Rhodey

Four classes.

The poor kid beside him was in over his head, a freshman to his junior and Tony’s sophomore. Granted, the only reason Tony was allowed to be a sophomore is that he was a bonafide genius. Well, enough of one to skip most of the early-level classwork required of his degree track.

This kid, on the other hand, needed every single one of them.

And maybe a few others, like how to stop staring hopelessly at the genius boy who is so hopelessly out of your league.

At least this one was Tony’s age. Fucking leeches tried to get the boy for all he had, but this kid was one of the art-types that were attracted to the prestige of the school without really knowing what went into it.

Poor kid.

But four classes of this kid practically drooling over his little shit of a brother would not stand. The kid should ship up and ask a question or just plain ship out because he wouldn’t get anywhere doing this.

Eight classes and the kid… wasn’t hopeless, at least.

“You’ve actually managed to learn something.” Rhodes snorted when the teacher called for a twenty-minute break. This thing was three hours long, as a once-a-week class, but damn if they didn’t deserve every second of that break.

“Excuse me?”

“You’re not.” Rhodey snorted, amused. “But at least you’re getting something out of this class, even if it is a little eye-candy.”

“Eye-can-? No!” The boy yelped. “No, it’s not like that at all.”

“So the notebook full of sketches surrounded by random words are supposed to be invisible, got it.”

“Well it’s my stuff, so yeah!” The guy snapped defensively.

“Fair point. What’s your name, kid?”

“We’re all adults here, aren’t we?” The kid asked coldly.

Fair enough.

“Barely.” Rhodey snorts. “Seriously though, you’re what, nineteen?”

The stunned look on the boy’s face told him he was right.

“So’s Tony.” Rhodes offered.

Another look, confused this time.

“Tony Stark is the kid who keeps interrupting the professor to half-way teach the class. The one whose likeness is plastered all over your notebook. You’re in luck, kid.”

“What?”

“He’d probably be willing to tutor you on this stuff. Hell, he’s tutor half the class, if they let him. He’s a total pushover if you know how to ask.”

“How do you ask?”

“Ah, for you… just sit there and look stunned like you usually do, only make sure he can see it. And maybe show him that notebook. He’d stick around for the whole year if you did that.” Rhodes snickered.

The kid shot him a look that, if he was reading this right, bordered on protective.

Oh, this would be way too easy.

“Just because he’s a good person-.”

“Doesn’t mean he’ll help you? Sure it does, he’s a sucker for lost causes. He keeps making them every other day.”

“What?”

“Ah, I guess you’d have to see it to know what I’m talking about. Not that you’ll be getting that far. He builds robots with newborn AIs that he keeps trying to teach. It’s the funniest thing in the world because they’re so cute but so helpless at the same time.”

The kid was interested now, but the break was over.

“Ask him a question or two about the homework late on. If you can understand any of the words on the page, Tony’s got you the rest of the way. Just prove that you’re not a lost cause.”

“I’m not a lost cause.” The kid muttered. “I’m not.”

“Good luck, painter-boy. These engineers will eat you alive.”

Later on

“Don’t you think that show of yours was a little much?” Carol asked as they walked to Boca Grande. Rhodey wasn’t really in the mood for Mexican but he wasn’t sure he was in the mood for much of anything. Art Kid’s dilemma was weighing on him now.

“Well, if I want anything to get through that thick head of his-.”

“Okay, now you’re projecting. James, look at me.” Carol stopped him and Rhodes turned to face the girlfriend he’d pined so hard for just for her to turn around and act like they’d been going out the entire time. “They will be fine. People can get their own dates without their annoying older brothers interfering. You’ve known that kid since he was, like, ten, so I’ll let you off easy here, but he’s finally got someone his age interested in him. Why not let him have a little fun?”

“Because he’s completely oblivious to genuine affection,” Rhodey informed her as if it was something he’d practiced every day in front of the mirror. “Just trust me on this one, if Art Kid doesn’t make the first move then nothing will ever come of this.”

“Fifty bucks says you’re wrong.” Carol insisted. “Give it a month. Don’t interfere. If Art Kid doesn’t make a move then Tony will.”

“God, not another four classes.” Rhodes groaned. “Fine. Whatever. I guess I can stand to lose fifty bucks if the kid shapes up.”

 Steve

Steve did not shape up. He couldn’t help himself. There was no way in hell that guy was talking sense, especially since the guy was right and he didn’t really belong here. What was he doing, anyway? There’s still three-fourths of the semester left, he should go to Erskine and quit while he’s ahead.

The genius boy, Tony, has a mole under his left eye, the blue one. Not the only blemish on his tanned skin, but the most prominent. This guy’s acne stage really did nothing to him, if he even had one.

“Hey, do you know the answer to number three from the homework?” A blonde girl with mischievous green eyes leaned across the aisle and whispered to him. Steve shook his head. It was a multiple-choice question and he’d likely gotten it wrong. God forbid they write a paper anytime soon. He really is in over his head.

“C’mon, we’re almost halfway through the semester, you had to have gotten something right.”

“Fat chance.” Steve groaned.

Besides, even if he did know the answer, he didn’t like where this talk was heading. She might have taken a few tips from the guy next to him on how to look down on helpless fuckers like Steve.

The blond artist shook his head.

“I know it’s at least supposed to resemble an arch, but not how wide, so there’s that.” He groused.

“See? You’re not totally hopeless. You should see what Tony has to say about your homework.”

Steve groaned and buried his head in his arms. So she was in league with the guy who sat next to him.

“I’d rather not.” He informed her acidly.

“What? He’s a good tutor. You see how he gets up there and basically hogs the conversation, the kid knows what he’s talking about.”

“If he’s my age then he’s not a kid!” Steve snapped.

“Sure, sure.” The green-eyed blonde snorted, amused. “My name’s Carol, in case you’re trying to figure out what the hell is going on here. I had money on your actually doing something about your crush over these past eight weeks, but Rhodey was right. Ah, well, goodbye fifty bucks.” She sighed. Her friend, Rhodey, he guessed, snorted.

“Told you the kid wouldn’t know a crush if it hit him in the face.” Rhodey yawned. “Look, kid, Steve. Look, Steve, just ask him a question about the homework, talk a bit about it, play it off like you don’t understand, and slide into ‘talk about it over dinner?’”

“I really don’t understand, though.”

“All’s the better for it, Tony hates posers. Which you’re not. You’re an architecture student, and that takes a lot of engineering, but it also takes a lot of art and angles and knowing what looks good where. There’s a reason you’re here, after all.”

Right.

Steve didn’t know what to do with this, but the least he could do was try.

 “So, the word around class is you’re hopeless.”

He knew that voice. It was the same one he heard every day trying to figure out what the hell the teacher thought he was doing, teaching like this?!

And it shouldn’t be walking him to one of his art classes.

“What’s it to you?” Steve grumbled. Apparently, Rhodey spread tales of his imminent demise at the hands of failure.

“I just so happen to be a tutor, and your grades are projected to be atrocious. Lucky you, everything is technically due at the end of the year, so if you want, I could help you get up to snuff.”

“Uh, sure?” Steve choked out. “Yes, absolutely! I need to pass this class.”

You’re damn right, you do.” Tony chirped. “Which is why I’ve humbly offered my services. See you, next class, we’ll work out a schedule after that.”

The shorter boy breezed off and Steve found himself doing a very good job of watching him go.

“You gonna get to class anytime soon?” Another familiar voice snarked.

“Hello, Carol. What’re you doing in the art building?”

“I have a few classes here, Stevie-boy. And man, am I glass I do. Looks like Tony decided to take things into his own hands.”

“Looks like he did.” Steve snorted. “He called me hopeless.”

“Oh, that’s a great sign! He loves hopeless. Means he can impress you with bullshit. He’s not going to, of course.” She snorted when she noticed to look on his face. “He needs you to pass that class. This is good! You might get a date out of him yet.”

Steve scoffed at that one. Now she was just yanking his chain.

“Yeah, I just might.”

Rhodes

“We’re going on a date.” Carol announced.

“I thought I was choosing the next three dates.” Rhodes objected. “That was the deal we made for the bet.”

“You are, which will work out in everyone’s favor because you know Tony best. Where does he like to eat?”

“Oh, this. You’re lucky I’ve already thought this out because Steve is-.”

“Not as hopeless as we thought. And neither is Tony. We just have to drop hints that their first study session should be somewhere with food, somewhere Tony likes and will want to keep going because your boy rocked up to his crush in the hallway and offered to be his tutor.”

“Yes!” Rhodey threw his hands in the air. “Thank God, we are one step closer. They might get together before the end of the year!”

“So, Tony, what’d you have in mind for tutoring Steve?”

“Wouldn’t you like to know, flyboy.”

“Yeah yeah, I don’t know why you think that’s still funny. Anyway, I’m asking because he likes your rambling but he hasn’t gotten anything done since the start of class so you might have to take it slow, y’know, ease him into all this, maybe get some food every few sessions, the usual.”

“I know how to handle dummies, Rhodey, and contrary to popular belief, Steve Rogers is no dummy.”

“Really?” Rhodes crowed, interested. “And just how do you know that, Shrimp?”

“Fuck off, Rhodey, have you seen the curves that boy draws? No way he’s as hopeless as you and Carol think, he’s got to have something between the ears.”

“An artists’ mind, sure.”

“Well, artists have to use the same tools we do, for some projects, just on a smaller scale. If anyone can get Steve Rogers to pass this mind-numbing class, it’s me.”

“Atta boy, Tony. Go get your guy. He looks like he’s lost on campus as well.”

Tony coughed a laugh at that and stuck his tongue out at his friend.

“Next time I see that tongue, it better be down Rogers’ throat!”

“It will be, fuck you very much!”

Steve

Steve had no idea where he was going to find Tony, but at least this looked like a place he would want to be.

“You made it!” Tony crowed. “This is my favorite spot, y’know. They have the best burritos. Chipotle-sized but a million times better. You want to order something and then we can get started?”

“Sure, yeah.”

Steve stuttered through his order, a chicken-pineapple enchilada with green chile sauce and a Sprite. Tony made him look smooth by comparison because he couldn’t decide if he wanted an enchilada, a tamale, or a burrito. The waitress grinned and said, “I’ll put you down for your usual.” before going back to the kitchen.

“Yeah, that was probably a good idea,” Tony grumbled. “Now, show me some vocab skills, what’s up with your notebook?”

 Tony kept taking him to random places to eat every Thursday. This time, he asked if they could go to a bar. Irish pub, technically. He knew it wouldn’t be anything like the stuff his mother called dinner but it’d be close enough. Indeed, the Black Rose did not disappoint. Or at least it was about what he expected. They got carded but as long as they stayed away from the bar, the bouncer wouldn’t say anything. Steve wasn’t in the mood for alcohol anyway. Steve got bangers and mash and Tony asked for a chicken pot pie. Steve wondered if they were made fresh. His mother loved chicken pot pie but he couldn’t get past the slimy feeling.

The fast-paced atmosphere fir the mood for the night because Tony was quizzing Steve for the upcoming test. Some of it would be multiple choice but this time there would be diagrams, so Steve would actually have to know what he’s doing. He does, surprisingly enough. Tony’s study sessions have really helped, and Steve’s even been able to get through the lectures with more coherent notes.

This was proved when he saw his grades online.

“I got a C on the test!” He exclaimed.

“That’s great, Steve, it’s two in the morning. Go the fuck to sleep.”

“Sam, Sam, you don’t get it, this one engineering class has been driving me batshit and I finally proved I belong in the class!”

“I’ll probably freak out tomorrow but I just came back from a long shift so if you could-.”

“Oh, yeah. Definitely. Gnight, Sam.”

His roommate yawned and nodded off pretty quickly.

Six hours later, he heard “wait a minute, that one class with the boy you’ve been drooling over who tutored you? That class?!”

“Yep.” Steve yawned. He never understood how Sam Wilson could be such a morning person on maybe six hours of sleep.

“Hey, that’s amazing! Everyone says that class is stupid hard to follow if you don’t already know what the kid up front is talking about and half the time people have to stay behind and ask him to break stuff down.”

“Wait, what?”

“Well yeah, it’s a junior-level class, Steve, what were you expecting?”

“I… not that. I thought it was just me.”

“Aw, Steve… look, find the guy who was tutoring you. He’ll know what I’m talking about. You should be extra proud of that C, too. Means you can get all your homework done before the year is out.”

“Yeah, yeah…” Steve muttered. He should probably have asked Erskine more questions before he went along with this class.

 “You got a C? On that last test? Steve, that’s brilliant!”

Even Rhodes was congratulating him. This felt… strange.

“No, seriously, that last test was not easy. And you actually got some of the questions that everyone missed, even Carol and I. Those study dates are paying off.”

“Yeah, I guess they are.” Steve mumbled.

If this was how Rhodes was reacting, he wondered how hyper Tony would be.

 “I have succeeded!” Tony crowed for damn near the entire building to hear. “And clearly so have you. Lemme at that test of yours, I need to see every-. Fuck yeah, it’s a High C, too! You passed, Steve! This is the second major test of the class and you passed enough to make up for the first one! That, plus all the homework you turned in. You should come out relatively unscathed. And if you play your cards right, with a B.”

“That might be pushing it.”

“Oh no, trust me on this one. You’ve been trusting me on everything else. So, where do you want to go?”

“Go? What for?”

“To celebrate! This is an accomplishment, Steve, this class is hard enough for the best Architecture students. They just dumped you in here, no prerequisites or anything, and expect you to pass with flying colors? But you have, and that’s great!”

“You seem to have no trouble with any of the coursework.”

“Well, that’s because I’m a literal genius, Stevie. Joined Mensa and everything.”

“Huh.” Several things clicked into place and he nodded. “Okay. Well, we keep going out for study sessions so why not stay in this time? Watch a movie or something? We could order pizza or something.”

“You mean you’re not sick of pizza?” Tony cackled. “But yeah, let’s do that. Want anyone else to be there?”

“I mean, we both have roommates, so whoever’s place we go back to, someone’ll be there. Did you not want them to be?”

“Wow, you’re dense. I thought Rhodey was joking, but nope, you’re dense.”

“Hey, you can’t take back your-!”

Tony rolled his eyes and yanked Steve down to his eye-level. Before Steve could say anything else, their lips met.

The kiss was brief and Steve had to lick his lips twice after that.

“You need chapstick.” He blurted out.

“Yeah, yeah,” Tony grumbled. “Totally not the point, but whatever. We’ve been going out for literal weeks, Steve.”

“Oh. Shit.”

“Yep.”

“Cool.”

“So we’re good?”

“We’re great!”

“Do you still want our roommates to be there for movie night?”

“Nah, Sam’ll be annoying if I get you to kiss me again. But we’re still ordering pizza.”

“All the cheese your heart desires.” Tony drawled. “And I still wanna see what’s in that notebook of yours.”

[prettyyoungtragedy]

Written in the Stars - Epilogue

Characters: Bodyguard!Bucky Barnes x reader

Summary: You’re the type of woman who is headstrong and fiercely independent. Heiress to a fortune and one of the most brilliant minds of the 21st century. Until you’re forced into witness protection. Your “Protection” turns out to be 220 pounds of dreamy, sassy, delightful Bucky Barnes. Whatever could go wrong?

Warnings: Fluff and more god damn fluff!

A/N: And the time has come for me to say goodbye to these characters that I poured my blood sweat and tears into lol. Man, I love each and every single one of you who left the most amazing, gorgeous heart rendering feedback on this fic! You made my days SO MUCH BETTER with all the comments and reblogs and asks screaming at me! I adored writing this for you guys and I hope the next time I write some Bucky trash you all will jump on the bandwagon again!

Thank you all from the bottom of my heart for coming along this angsty garbage train of a fic and for sticking with me through till the end. Y’ALL ARE SOME FUCKIN’ OG MOTHER FUCKERS AND I LOVE YOU FOR IT!

Thank you to @suz-123 for all the hours you put into listening to me whine about Bodyguard!Bucky and for all the words of encouragement (and the threats lol). This fic wouldn’t have been half as great if I didn’t have a fucking world class Beta like you. I got real love for you friend!

Links are being a bitch so you can find the whole fic in my WIP masterlist in my bio!

Taglist is closed, Sorry guys!

Crisp cool sheets against your back, Bucky’s lips ghost over yours and you sigh, headily. It’s a reunion, you finally got the all clear from the doctors that you were healed from all bullet wounds, broken bones, and bruises and it wasn’t even half an hour later that you were all over Bucky. 

It was desperate stumbling through the lake house, clothes tossed across the room, his arms around you as tight as he could hold you and lips pressed to yours, tongues dancing with each other before you both crashed into the bed in his bedroom.

He placed slow deliberate kisses along the column of your neck, pausing at your pulse and just feeling its slow steady beat for a moment, his mind filled with only thoughts of you and how much he adored you at that moment before he traces the outline of your collarbone with his tongue. Your fingers tangled in his dark hair, pulling him impossibly closer, his lips traveled across your chest, pausing at the scar the bullet had left and pressed a kiss to it then moved to the next scar.

Bucky takes his time, he has no urgency about this moment, he wants it to last for as long as it could. A lifetime of exploring your body with his mouth didn’t feel like enough time for him. His hands roaming across your body, yours on his, soft kisses and murmurs of how much you loved each other.

He holds you as close as he can to his body as he pushed into you, his lips finding yours again, muffling the moan that escapes your throat.

“Fuck, I love you,” He muttered leaning down and kissing you softly again as he fucked you, each slow deep thrust sends a spark snapping up your spine and your mind spinning with affection for this man. He looked at you with those starlight eyes and you were drowning in them. The way he looked at you, the way he touched you, everything about being with this man sets your existence alight.

You curled your arm around his neck, the other under his metal arm and hold him closer, your bodies flushed as you moved to the rhythm of the other. The ecstatic pleasure building between the two of you, higher and higher and you feel dizzy from it.

And when that ecstasy implodes, toppling both of you over the edge of that cliff you’re standing on together, it’s like everything in life aligned for you again, and nothing else mattered but him, and this moment.

~~~

“When did you and Fury decide on that?” Bucky asked, interlacing his fingers with yours. It had been a week since your little reunion and he had done well not to ask too many questions, or demand answers from you.

The two of you kicked everyone out of the lake house and just wrapped yourselves up in each other. Taking every moment you could, just loving each other.

Bucky said he loved you every chance he got, he said it when he woke up, when the two of you went to sleep, he murmured it when he held you in his arms as the two of you did nothing but cuddle on the couch, and he fervently said it every time he made love to you that week, which was more than two people should have at that point.

Every time he said it, you responded with the same amount of fervor he did. It was like the two of you wanted to keep saying it over and over until it was all the other could think about and at that moment, it was all you could think about, just how much you loved this man.

“After the car incident, he came to see me while I was in the Med Bay and we talked about it. He told me they would never stop coming after me as long as I was alive,” You replied tilting your head and looking up at him, “So he explained Tetrodotoxin to me, which I already knew about, since I sort of helped Banner with some of the research for that, and we came up with the plan to kill me in a way.”

Bucky frowned at you, the memory of being told you had died replaying in his head again, and he hated it.

You reached up and smoothed the frown from his face, before kissing his forehead softly, “Of course being taken by Arcas wasn’t part of the plan, we’d initially thought we could stage a car accident or plane crash or something. But life kinda got in the way and well Arcas did too.”

“I hate that I didn’t know about this and that I wasn’t there to protect you from that,” He murmured,

“Stop, don’t do that. You did everything right, Bucky,”

“But, I could have-”

“No, you couldn’t have, because this was my decision, and mine alone, to make. In a way, I am glad things turned out the way they did because I get to leave behind that old life and start a new one, with you.”

“Yeah still doesn’t make me feel any better,” He muttered,

“Can I ask you something?”

“Shoot,” and he grimaced as he said that realizing the joke he had inadvertently made which made you burst out laughing. 

“Why didn’t you tell me about the files Bucky?”

You watch his whole face change, you had been wanting to ask him about the files since you two we reunited but held off on it not wanting to ruin the moment. Bucky knew about your work, he knew what it was being used for but he never told you.

Bucky sighed, “I guess I wanted to protect you from that, I thought if I never told you and you never knew what they were doing with your work that guilt wouldn’t be on your shoulders,”

“But it was my work that made all those soldiers and I don’t know how many countless others,” You said softly, “And you shouldn’t have hidden that from me, I had a right to know.” 

“I know, I know. I’m sorry, I just...wanted to keep you away from my world even for a little bit, and if it meant hiding that from you then I was willing to do it,” 

You placed your hands on either side of his face and pulled his lips to yours, kissing him deeply.

“I love you for that but don’t ever lie to me ever again.” Your tone makes him chuckle.

Bucky smiled when you said this, his fingertips brushing against your bare shoulder. “I mean as fuckin’ crazy as your plan was, which, by the way, you could have really died, I am glad you’re okay.”

“Thanks to that serum,” You muttered and you feel him tense up beside you again.

“Are you...is...do you feel different?” Bucky asked cautiously. Neither of you had spoken about the serum that Strucker had given you and after Banner and Tony ran multiple tests on you they discovered that it had sort of enhanced your being, kind of like what had happened to Bucky and Steve in a way just with different effects.

“A little yeah, maybe stronger? But that’s neither here nor there.”

“And there was no way to reverse it?”

“We’re working on that, but for now, I’m just glad it saved my life. Funny how my life's work is the reason I almost died and I am still alive today,” You let out a quick laugh

Bucky didn’t find this funny, he frowned at you again and pulled you even closer against his body. “Not funny,” he muttered,

“Oh lighten up asshole, I can joke about it now.”

“Too soon,”

“I know but it’s okay because I am here, you are here and that’s it.”

You tilted your head up again and kissed him sweetly, Bucky sighing into the kiss. He’d never get used to kissing you, it was his new favorite thing to do. He held onto you tightly, like he had been doing since you came back to him. Too afraid to let you go for fear of losing you again but he knew in his heart that nothing would take away what he felt for you, and vice versa. He was going to hold onto you till his dying breath and even then if there was some kind of afterlife, he knew he would spend an eternity holding onto you because you made him feel whole and more alive than any other soul in the universe.

“I love you,” Bucky muttered breaking the kiss,

“I love you more, idiot.”

This made him smile.

~~~

In the months following your ‘death’, things changed drastically, more people came forward exposing Hydra. SHIELD cracked down on their operatives and began rooting out moles and other Hydra agents among them. The Avengers became the front runners in doing this, shutting down as many Hydra cells as they could.

Bucky, of course, took it a little more personally than the rest of the team, as he had a new fervor to fight with. He tried his best to stay out of the fighting as much as possible, after the last fight he’d been in had brought out more of the Soldier that he would have liked, but he still went on missions with the rest of the team. 

Bucky had told you what he’d done after you were taken and both of you agreed, he’d stay out of the line of fire, it was better for everyone. 

You, on the other hand, had a whole new life to start, and it began by hiding out in Bucky’s lake house, trying to figure out what you were going to do next with your company now under the control of Stark Industries, you had the financial freedom to do whatever you wanted.

“I like Germany?” You said taking a bite out of the slice of pizza in your hand, the two of you seated on the floor in the living room of his lake house which had now become your home too.

“No, I don’t have good memories of Germany,” Bucky shook his head,

“What about somewhere in Morocco?”

“Yeah, Morocco is a hard pass, the Winter Soldier has been there too many times,”

“God, is there anywhere in the world you actually like?”

“I like Italy.”

You paused for a moment, chewing thoughtfully at his suggestion. The two of you were trying to pick a destination for you to go to for a little while, to lay low at until this Hydra thing blew over. Turned out it was harder than you’d imagined, seeing as neither of you could agree on a place to go to.

“Italy is only nice in the summer,” You replied,

“No, it’s not, Italy is nice all year round,”

“Uhh, have you been there recently? Because I have, and it’s not,”

“Don’t argue with me, I am telling you, Italy is for us,”

“Oh yeah, how can you be so sure I’ll like it?”

“Because, it’s got wine and pasta and Prada, everything you love, sweetheart,”

You laughed heartily at his response, before leaning over a kissing him sweetly on the lips.

“You get me, Bucky Barnes.” You murmured smiling at him.

~~~

‘Terrorist organization rooted out in SHIELD as the Avengers shut down the organization in pursuit of the criminals behind the human experimentation's done in Queens. Doctor Werner Reinhardt, Baron Strucker, and Alexander Pierce all arrested as allegations made against them bring to light their ties to the criminal activities. Officials are now calling for Senator Sterns arrest amidst his ties to the Hydra sect. Forerunner to this whole operation is Sergeant James Buchanan Barnes whose tireless efforts have brought justice to so many nameless victims in this war-’ - NY Post

“Are you reading the New York post, again?” Bucky sighed grabbing the tablet out of your hands and tossing it onto the nearby couch,

“Yes I am, and give that back, I wasn’t done,” You grumbled reaching for it but Bucky snatched it up again and held it out of arm's length as he sat down beside you, pulling you close.

“What are you even reading?” He asked his eyes going to the heading of the article you were reading and he groaned, “Good god, don’t read this pompous trash,”

“Why not, my boyfriend’s a hero and an Avenger.” You laughed,

“Fiance and retired Avenger,” Bucky corrected you,

“Semantics,”

“No, say it,”

“No, it’s a stupid word.”

“Oh my god, don’t mock centuries of tradition, woman, I put a ring on that finger, and demand you call me your fiance!” Bucky feigned offense as he tossed the tablet onto the coffee table and pounced on you pinning your hands over your head, pushing you down onto the couch.

“No, you giant moron, nothing about you and I are traditional,” You laughed as he assaulted your neck with kisses. Bucky let go of your hands and nudged your legs open, settling above you with a grin on his face.

“I missed you,” He said softly completely changing the tone of the mood, he leaned in and kissed you, softly.

“I missed you more,” You said, pulling him in for another kiss,

“So are you all set for our sabbatical?” He asked, pulling away and sitting up,

“Yeah, can’t wait to stop hiding out here and actually go on a real date with you,”

“I’ll take you on all the dates, the moment we get there,” Bucky grinned at you,

“That makes no sense,”

“I know,”

“You’re so stupid,”

“But you love me.”

And oh how you did love him.

~~~

The sun was setting over the beautiful horizon, it casts a warm glow across the apartment kitchen. Sun streaks dancing across the terracotta rooftops in Florence, a soft breeze making the silky curtains flutter with them. You stood on the balcony holding a glass of wine in your hand, gently twirling the stem in your hand and watching the sunset. 

You hear soft footsteps behind you moments before you feel Bucky slip his arms around your shoulders and draw your back flush to him. His muscular naked torso hot against your body.

“There you are,” He murmured against the skin on your neck before placing a kiss on your bare shoulder,

“Thought you were still asleep,” You said reaching up behind you and carting your fingers through his hair, he needed a hair cut. 

“I was but you weren’t there and you know I can’t sleep without you,”

You smiled at this comment, two years later and he was still so god damn needy. You loved it.

“You’re such a needy little bitch,” You laughed softly and this earned you a little nip on your neck from Bucky.

“It’s called love, you hussy.”

You laughed again and twisted around in his arms to face him. You placed the wine glass down on the table next to you and reached up linking your arms around his neck. God, he looked so fucking perfect in the setting sunlight,

“Why are you so pretty?” You sighed leaning into him and placing a kiss on his neck,

“What kind of question is that?” Bucky chuckled tightening his arms around your waist as you trailed a line of kisses across his neck and jaw,

“You’re supposed to say I am pretty too, Bucky,”

“You’re pretty too, sweetheart.” He laughed, a moment before his lips found yours and he kisses you with fervor. The way his hands slid down your body, over your ass and to the back of your thighs before he lifted you into his arms told you where this was going and you weren’t about to complain.

~~~

It was well into the evening when the two of you collapsed tiredly onto the soft sheets beside each other, breathless and satisfied. The pale moonlight drifted across the room, casting a pale glow through it.

It was a perfectly starry night outside, and the weather was perfect. In fact, every day since the two of you had gotten here was perfect. There wasn’t a moment that you weren’t at absolute peace here.

After traveling around for a bit with Bucky to the Bahamas, Mexico and half of the Asia's, you’d both decided on Italy for an extended sabbatical. It was the perfect place for both of you considering how much you loved the food and wine and, well, Bucky just agreed with you because it was where he wanted to go the most.

It had been the most amazing year of your life, being with Bucky and traveling the world. He retired as an Avenger but still, on occasion, helped out his friends with missions when they asked nicely. But otherwise, he left that Avenging life behind, and the two of you lost yourselves to each other, traveling. It kind of became a history lesson with you every time you visited a new place and Bucky told you something new about it, or when he was here as the Winter Soldier. Things he remembered or had done. He was open and honest with you and it was everything you could have asked for.

A year since your ‘death’, Bucky asked you to marry him as the two of you stood in the Louvre beneath the starry night sky and you were at a loss for words. It had been the longest time since anything had felt normal for the two of you and at that moment you realized both of you wanted more than to keep traveling and moving around.

So you decided on Italy, Florence to be specific, the one place both of you could agree on wholeheartedly, and it turned out to be the best decision you’d ever made. A wedding in Florence with the few people that mattered to both of you and those who knew you were alive of course, Steve, Sam, Tony, Natasha among the guests and then it became your home.

You missed New York City, as you’d spent your whole life there. Bucky said maybe one day when all this was over, the two of you could go back, but as soon as you found a home in Florence you forgot all about New York and it suddenly felt like the home the two of you always needed.

And tonight, on the anniversary of your living here, you couldn’t have thought of a better place to be. The two of you now stood on the balcony enjoying the quiet of the night and each other’s embrace, taking in the beauty of the city below.

“You were right, Italy is great any time of the year,” You murmured kissing his forehead,

“I’m always right,” Was all Bucky said, and you could almost hear the smirk in his voice at that moment. You laughed softly and intertwined your fingers with him, the gold band on your finger glinting in the soft moonlight.

“Okay, calm down there, you’re right like forty percent of the time,” You snorted,

“Let’s not have this argument again or I will have to bring up Acra,”

“You wouldn’t dare!” You gasped feigning shock and Bucky laughed.

“Oh, I would, believe me, I would.”  

You were about to reply when the soft sound of a cry came through the little black monitor you’d set on the table nearby. Both of you sighed, and Bucky moved first.

“I’ll get her,” He said giving you a quick kiss before he made his way back inside and you can’t help but grin at his retreating figure. You still couldn’t believe just how much your life had changed since meeting Bucky, from hating him with every fiber of your being, to loving him more than you could ever love someone. Of course, you had Nick Fury to thank for all this, and you laughed at the thought of thanking Nick Fury for allowing Bucky into your life because god how you loved, adored and cherished James Buchanan Barnes.

[diningpageantry]

tag game(s)

anï (i’m too exhausted to do three separate posts but i was tagged in three tag games over the past few days and i’d forgotten to do the last few games i was tagged in and i feel super guilty so here they are in one go)

i don’t know who to tag to do these rn because my brain is dead i am emotionally exhausted and i’m writing a fic that’s about halfway done so i’m gonna say tag anyone who wants to be tagged for any of these. i’m so sorry that i’m dead, i will be back alive again after may 10th, which is my AP exam day

six questions challenge

tagged by @simon--speaks

rules: answer the questions, then tag 9 people you want to get to know better!

Q1: Relationship status?

single bby

Q2: Favorite color?

maroon !

Q3: Top 3 ships?

snowbaz (wow) and uh. wow. idk who else. i wanna say my own ocs matchstick and summer (is that allowed? i’m making it allowed)

Q4: Lipstick or chapstick?

whenever i get to this question in any ask i freeze up because i use a tinted chapstick so i don’t look dead but like. it can also be seen as a lipstick because it has pigment. but. chapstick.

Q5: Last song I listened to?

Run by Hozier

Q6: Last movie I watched?

uhhh i watched like. 5 minutes of the emperor’s new groove a few days ago, and watched a documentary about obscure houses like 10 minutes before that. so. i’m gonna say the house documentary.

21 questions

i was tagged by @simon--speaks, @angelsfalling16, @wo2ash, @alixanderthequeer, @sharkmartini and @bazypitchandsimonsnow

rules: answer 21 questions then tag 21 people

nickname: anï, munchkin, menina, and my hebrew name is elisheva

height: the doctor says i’m 5′3.5″, but they can’t put fractions on IDs so according to the state i’m 5′4″ and i cling to that

last movie i saw: see above (so like. funky houses)

last thing i googled: (next town over) movie tavern. i’m not saying where it is exactly bc hah i don’t wanna be stalked but. i was looking at movie times because they have $5 movies every tuesday

favorite musician: frank iero. love that funky rat man and his funky music too (i’m gonna see him for the second time next month because i made the executive adult decision to say fuck it to my seizures and go see him anyway)

song stuck in my head: i don’t have one rn but usually it’s a song by the killers (when you were young is a usual one)

other blogs: none, actually! i didn’t delete my old tumblr purely bc i’m a nostalgic dumbass, but it’s a completely different login and it’s inactive so i don’t count it.

followers: 1,666 (originally i wasn’t gonna share the number but it hit this last night and i was like heh. nice)

following: 231

amount of sleep: 8ish hours! (spring break bby)

lucky numbers: 7, multiples of 3 (only in cases of knocking), and multiples of 2 (only in cases like volume)

dream job: writing and illustrating books! i have a variety of dream jobs within art, and even within the subcategory of books, but my top dream job is creating inclusive/diverse children’s books that represent a variety different ethnicities/races, religions, abilities, and identities so that children can see themselves represented in media

what i’m wearing: a black turtleneck, a bra, and marvel boxers. that’s it.

favorite food: soup in general. i make a kick ass matzo ball soup

language: english, conversational portuguese, i know a small small bit of japanese (i should know more given i was raised being taught it but i always struggled with it), and i know some spanish. i also plan on teaching myself ASL.

can i play an instrument: yes! i’ve been playing violin since i was 2. i wanna play guitar and i know some chords but i have small hands so it’s hard to find one that’s the right size that isn’t a shitty children’s guitar, and i sing! i’m an alto

favorite song: hnnghg please don’t make me pick................ i’d have to say choke on one another by death spells

random fact: so like. if you didn’t know already, i’m an LGBTQ+ youth activist on a national scale. i disappear on occasion because i’m doing something or another, and sometimes i post about it on my blog (speaking of i have exciting news that i heard, but at the same time, i’m pretty much booked every weekend from middle of next month until middle of july), but........ i hate networking. i loathe it. if i never had to network again, i’d be thrilled. networking is my absolute least favorite thing because i struggle at everyday conversation, much less networking with people at least 10-20 years my senior. sure it’s usually free publicity and i get great connections, but god. at what cost? and like.... it’s always after a really emotionally taxing event, so i’m already drained and then wow here’s a room full of adults who want my 18 year old input. please. just let me steal a cupcake then leave.

describe yourself in aesthetic things: dye stained fingernails and necks. cranked open windows during a spring shower. dried tears and breaking laughs. coffee stains and milky tea splashes. trembling fingers, writing instead of speaking because you’re too afraid, and finally breaking free--running through the rain. scabbing blood, fresh piercings. knowing you’re loved and not saying it because it doesn’t need to be spoken. the smell of a new canvas, paint splattered jeans, and art school sweaters. black skirts with docs, then fairy lights and soft blankets hidden behind sharp profanities and harsh disgust. the unexpected. the unknown. the ever-changing, unstoppable force of the shifting tides. 

carry on questions

tagged by @goodbyedandelion, @isthisisagoodkiss @wo2ash, 

1- favorite type of scone? 

cranberry orange! one of the farms a county over has a market and they sell them there and they’re to die for (altho, i found a sour cherry scone recipe that i’ve perfected and my family loves them so they’re a close second now)

2- london or la?

i’ve never been to london, but i’m gonna have to go with london. i went to la last october to present in an awards show for my organization and i lowkey was underwhelmed. i’m very much a gloom and rain kinda person, and it was too dry and sunny there. although, i did think the huge succulents were sick as fuck. but yeah definitely london. i’m planning to spend a semester abroad there in a few years for an illustration program

3- kissing in a forest or holding hands under the stars?

i’m afraid of forests because we have a lot of wildlife and i don’t want to get mauled by a bear don’t mind me holding hands under the stars :)

4- jeans or suit?

suit suit suIT SUIT suit. i love wearing suits. my chest doesn’t cooperate and my hips always hate them but god i do love suits.

5- loose hair or pulled back hair?

mine looks better loose, and my sides/back are shaved but the top reaches my ears, so it gets annoying sometimes and i pull it up to keep it out of my face

6- vampires or dragons?

i wanna say both. i used to say “yknow a dragon but in human form would be hot” then i got called dragon fucker for like two years so out of pure spite i’m going with vampires.

7- what saying do you wish could be a spell?

(this one’s a very specific reference so hear me out) “i’ve got to go pee on her”  used to disorient and confuse the speech of the person casted upon. it’s one of my favorite quotes from scott pilgrim vs. the world (my favorite movie ngl) when scott’s brain can’t figure out two different sentences and he just says that. it’s so good and just fuckin weird that i love it.

8- which carry on character would you go on a coffee date with if you could?

depends tbh! if we’re talking date date, then penny because i would wife penny in 0.5 seconds, but if we’re talking friends getting coffee then 10000000% baz because i’d talk activism and identities with him

9- favorite carry on quote?

“he told me we would be stars” (i don’t have my book on me so i could be getting the line wrong), but it hit so hard for me. like it’s clear how davy manipulated lucy so much that she fell into it and couldn’t crawl out. it’s such a powerful message of control from those who are charismatic enough to hold it, and how sometimes we aren’t weak enough to let go.

10- how excited are you for wayward son?

lemme paint this picture: i started hyperventilating in the hallway when i found out, and then cried an hour or two later when my friend texted me that he preordered me a signed copy. like. i’ve been pre-planning how to get home from college to come and pick it up (okok the 24th is also my dad’s birthday so i’m. um. “coming home to visit him”, of course) because i’m just SO EXCITED to read them again in a canon way :’)

[sucaritra]

Bāṛi - Chapter 7

Word Count: 1797

Warnings: language, anxiety, Negan

Summary: new feelings and new faces

A/N: apologies for any mistakes, it’s 2am and i’m half dead

Masterlist

You enjoyed getting to know James a little more when you joined him in the games room. The evening was uneventful, but enjoyable nonetheless. He told you about his family, what he used to do and even how he came to join the Saviors. You did the same, though you didn't go into as much detail as he did. After a little innocent flirting, you’d retired back to your room. You didn't realise it at the time, but that was the most you’d see of him for a while.

James had started leaving the Sanctuary on a regular basis with a bunch of other Saviors, starting the morning after the two of you enjoyed each other's company. You didn't know why he was gone so often, whether this was actually a regular thing, and you couldn’t exactly ask as he wasn’t there. It was a shame, you could’ve seen something happening between the two of you.

You’d found yourself sleeping a lot over the next few weeks when you weren't working or eating. Two years of barely sleeping through the night had caught up to you, and with the safety of the walls you were catching up on some much needed sleep.

Negan had started giving you more responsibilities at work, and you'd realised that he's trusting you more and more the longer the two of you are working together. He's even left you alone in the office, which you were thankful for as it started grating on your nerves having to drop all of your work just because Negan had somewhere else to be.

Slowly but surely, most, if not all, the paperwork in the Sanctuary went through you before reaching Negan, making sure everything was in order before handing them off to the big guy. While you weren't too thrilled about going up and down six flights of stairs multiple times a day in order to collect and deliver paperwork, it did give you the opportunity to familiarise yourself with the layout of the building, as well as get to know more of the residents.

Your relationship with Negan had grown with how much time you spent with each other. You'd think it would be weird, considering the significant age gap but the man could be a fucking child when he wanted to be. He seemed to relish in the time he spent with you. Unbeknownst to you, Negan never actually spent much time in his office before you came along. Sure, it was somewhere to hide when his wives were getting on his last fucking nerve or he just needed some time to himself, but other than that he got most of his work done in the comfort of his own room. Then you came along, with your quick wit and the fucking voice of an angel, and he's found himself wanting to spend all his time with you. He’d even started spending half of his lunches with you, lunches usually spent with his wives, just to squeeze in some extra time with you. Negan decided that he could listen to you talk with that cute little accent of yours for the rest of his, most likely short, life and he’d die a happy man.

Fuck. He had to make you wife, it was the only way. He had asked you a couple more times while you were bantering back and forth with each other, but you’d always laugh it off. No, that wasn't going to work with you. He’d just have to get you to fall in love with him.

Shit. He knew the first step to making you fall for him would come at the price of his discomfort.

It had been a few days since you’d last seen Negan as he was out with a few of his men to gather supplies. He left you with a key to the office, along with a stern warning not to allow anyone else apart from Simon in there, and left you to your work. You didn't see much of Simon, as he stuck to the lower floors of the Sanctuary to ensure no one was slacking with the boss away, but he did come by at the end of each work day to go over any problems you may have found or to keep you company for a little while.

You appreciated it. You didn't realise how big of a presence Negan was in your life, and with him gone for just a few days you found yourself missing the playful conversations you'd have with him. Needless to say, you were quite happy to see him grinning at you from behind his desk around the fourth morning after he left when you turned up for work.

“Did ya miss me sweetheart?” the cocky smirk was enough for you to regret missing him.

“I cried myself to sleep every night you were gone.” you deadpanned, causing him to chuckle.

You spent the morning catching him up on what he may have missed, and he seemed really vague about how his scavenging trip had gone, although he did inform you that there’ll be a long list of supplies that you'd need to retrieve at the end of the day when it should be inventoried.

You were having lunch with Negan at his desk when you noticed some black and white fuzz on his face, realising it's stubble upon closer inspection.

“The fuck you starin’ at?”

“You run out of razors or something?”

“Alright, you cheeky little shit. Get back to your fucking sandwich.”

Lips twitching as they fought off a smile, you did just that. It was pretty fun watching Negan grow out a beard over the next week, surprisingly his grows out pretty fast. You had to contain your laughter every time you caught him scratching at his chin, the most irritated look on his face every single time.

It made you wonder why the big lug didn't just shave the damn thing off, he clearly preferred the clean-shaven look on himself. Although, there were definitely no complaints from you.

You were right; men looked a thousand times better with a beard.

You found yourself sneaking glances at him while you were meant to be getting on with your work, unable to help yourself as you take in his rugged appearance. While his graying beard made him look older, it definitely did not take away from his good looks. It was unfair how effortlessly attractive this man was. No one man should hold this much power.

You were going through some inventory lists, making note of what supplies were running low, when you were interrupted by Negan’s walkie going off. It was Dwight, who’d just come back from a run with more than just supplies.

It wasn't long after Negan finished giving instructions to him that Dwight came knocking on the door, entering at Negan’s command with five men following him in.

The men fucking stank, making you wonder if you smelt that bad when Simon found you. They all kneeled in front of the desk, suggesting that Dwight informed them of that rule already. They didn't look all too friendly, and you knew for a fact that you would have run a mile if you caught sight of them when you were out there alone. They were all caked in blood and grime, though all were well-built. Clearly, they could take care of themselves out there.

Negan kept them kneeling while he was giving them the usual speech about the rules of this place, but you weren’t listening. From your place on the floor at the little table you'd claimed, you were eye level with the men, one in particular. He had turned his head slightly, blatantly keeping his eyes on you throughout Negan’s talk, and once he’d caught your eyes, he grinned lasciviously. You didn't like the way he was looking at you. It unnerved you, making goosebumps break out across your arms.

Your fidgeting and restless form caught Negan’s eye, who found the source of your uneasiness pretty easily from the way you'd dart your eyes towards the greasy man and then away again, hoping each time that he’d have turned away from you, disappointment growing seeing that he hadn't.

Well, that just wouldn’t fucking do.

Grabbing Lucille, Negan rose from his chair and slowly circled the men, swinging Lucille carelessly around as he does so.

You flinch slightly, watching as that barbed bitch gets a little too close for comfort to some of those men, even knocking the greasy man slightly on the side of his head, effectively bringing his gaze in front of him, and all his attention on Negan.

Negan winked at you when you sent him a grateful smile, before resuming his speech, never once stopping his little intimidation tactic.

“Now, I’m gonna reiterate my point about rape here, and this is a special fucking exception because I do not like to repeat myself, but you ugly fucks look like you might need telling a second time. So! If any of you fuckers even think that that type of shit will fly around here, well, I’m sure Lucille here will gladly show you how wrong you are. Hell, I even catch you making any of the women in here, any of my women even the slightest bit uncomfortable, I’m gonna make you wish you got eaten alive by a fucking hoard once I’m done with you.”

Watching Negan put the fear of God into these men was doing all sorts of things to your head, as well as other places. The look of determination on his face as he threatened these men made you believe every single word he was saying. You had no doubt in your mind that he would follow through on every single one of these threats.

To your only slight surprise, once Negan was finished he didn't offer the same options he gave to everyone new here, where you choose to work for point or become a Savior. Instead, Negan declared that they would all be on cleaning duty “until I fucking say so.”

When the men were cleared to leave, they each took one last look at you, the greasy man’s stare lingering on your form before exiting the office.

Maybe Negan didn't put the fear of God into them. That thought alone made you feel incredibly unnerved.

“You alright?” Negan caught you staring at the door, and the concerned tone eased your nerves the slightest bit.

“Yeah, just a little thrown by them. You think they’ll cause any problems?”

“They better fucking not, or I’ll deal with the ugly fucks personally.”

You really wished that would have been enough to put your worries aside, but, unfortunately, that was not the case.

tagging: @neganisking

[meanderfall]

//tornadoes thru ur window, completely shattering the glass: for the writer meme, 5 - 6 - 8 - 10 - 15 - 21 - 25 - 27 - 28 - 29 - 30 - 34 - 36 - 39 - 45 - 47 - 48 - 49 - aaaand 50: how long do you usually let an idea fester in your mind before you're like, "okay, i'll write you down u little fucker"? ALSO IM AWARE THIS IS A LOT, LMAOOO

LDJF;KFGSKGF ADRI MY LOVE, MY WIFE, MY KNIGHT, MY SUN AND MOON, THANK YOU OMG, I HOPE YOU’RE READY FOR A NOVEL OF AN ANSWER LMAO

5.     How much writing do you get done on an average day?

LMAO I ACTUALLY HAVE THIS CALCULATED PER HOUR just bc that’s how long my train ride is. So I can do about 400-500 words in 50~ minutes.anyway tbh, I write almost never, but when I do, I try to get around 1000 words done??? that’s usually when i lose steam too. (though i guess if i did 500 word spurts instead throughout the day, i’d get more done) (TO CLARIFY, the only reason it’s so much is bc i only write when I know /exactly/ what the scene is gonna be and im motivated. if u sat my ass down in front of a computer each day and told me to write, I’d probably only get 100 in two hours, less even.)

6.     Single or multiple POV?

I’m a multiple pov hoe. I’ve thought before of writing something in entirely one pov, but tbh i dont think i could do it if the thing is longer that a 2000 word one shot.

8.     Oldest WIP

I HAD TO PULL OUT MY USB FOR THIS GODDAMN

Okay so, my oldest wip ever, is an original story I started in, I think, 2011 and wrote throughout the year. It’s got about 22k words down, but tbh i dont think im ever gonna touch it again.fanfic-wise, my oldest wip is a harvest moon fanfic, that’s around 6k words i think? and i was planning on re-writing it bc i didnt like the characterization of one of the characters and i wanted to fix that, but it’s been like five years now, i dont think it’s ever gonna be done. (I still want to though). (and u can find said wip on my fanfiction.net account)

10.  Do you set yourself deadlines?

My guy, i’ve never set a deadline for myself in my entire life. I think I tried to do it once, and i completely let it pass by. (Though the fanfic i mentioned previously, im pretty sure i updated once a week before i fucked up)

15.  How do you deal with writer’s block?

I either set it aside (and never pick it up again lmao) and let it stew in the back of my mind until I get something else, oR I POWER THROUGH THIS MOTHERFUCKER, and I’ll probably only write 50 words and hate every single last one of them, but I got it done and it’s better than nothing and hopefully tomorrow i’ll actually have something. (also, sometimes when powering through, what i write ends up inspiring me and im like “oh of course!” and i blaze through it)

21.  Who is/are your favourite character(s) to write?in case u havent noticed yet, about 99% of all my characters are snarky to some degree. I need a character with a wry sense of humour, and I’ll usually stay in their pov a lot. The only other character “type” I have are the sunshine pure cinnamon rolls who care and love everyone. Oh, and I guess also the ones who are pissed and bitter at the world at large. (I should.... probably... try to get out of this comfort zone...)

25.  Favourite part of writing

okay tbh, my favourite part is when I’m winding down from a good writing session, and I just feel so proud and alive, because I was productive and I created something with my own two hands and mind, and there are very few things that are as incredible as that imo

27.  Favourite line/scene

okay so this was hard to pick??? not to mention it’s all crap you’ve seen before but whatever.

There’s this one:

“McCreewas abruptly reminded of when he was nothing more than a teen, snarling andfurious at everyone around him, not willing to trust anyone. And he wasreminded of Gabriel Reyes who stayed calm and collected in front of his fury,gently rebuking him when he crossed a line; who praised him when he did welland willingly trusted him to have his back even though McCree didn’t trust him;who seemed to quietly understand why McCree acted in certain ways, accepted it,but encouraged him to choose better. Gabriel Reyes, who had faith in him whenhe wasn’t even sure he liked himself.“

And this one:

“IfWash’s head was a ghost town, then the Meta’s was a fucking wasteland.

Butthe worst part wasn’t the scorched earth and completely lifeless landscape, norwas it the stormy brown clouds above. No, the worst part was the lava that wasslowly inching its way up the mountain. It bubbled and simmered an awful sicklyorange as it creeped up bit by bit, not fast at all, but inexorably to the topof the mountain, going against all laws of physics. It was so awfully wrongthat he honestly felt sick witnessing it. Not helping was the sizzles it madeas it burned through whatever little vegetation there was and (he had no ideawhy he knew this, maybe it was because he was connected to the Meta’s brain?),it felt like the lava was actually gouging the earth, opening cracks andseeping inside, corrupting and destroying what lay within.

Wasthe Meta even a person anymore?”

(I proooobably would’ve picked something from the tuckington au but.... a lot of my favourite stuff is dialogue, or snarky narration, and idk it’s hard to choose and there aint a lot of depth to it)

28.  Favourite side character

OKAY THERE’S THIS ONE SIDE CHARACTER IN ONE MY ORIGINAL STORY IDEAS WHOM I ADORE (even though he has no name yet lmao) BUT HE’S BASICALLY REALLY SWEET AND CARING AND HE’S TRYING HIS BEST TO BE HAPPY AND SUPPORTIVE FOR ALL HIS COMPANIONS BC THEY’RE ALL GOING THROUGH HARD TIMES, BUT IT’S REALLY HARD FOR HIM AND HE’S INWARDLY SUFFERING SO MUCH BUT HE KEEPS SMILING FOR PEOPLE ANYWAY AND FLDG;DKHGFKG I LOVE HIM

29.  Favourite villain

I’m... cheating for this, I’ve never written a villain ever actually (and tbh what the fuck??? how??? i have so many original story ideas and none of them are villains??? what the fuck (maybe the true villains were the friends we made along the way))

okay so, originally, this character was gonna be the villain alright. She was mean, cruel, snarky, cunning, and manipulative. But as time went on, and I started exploring her character, wondering why she was like this, what her goal is, and I changed and shifted the plot of the story around she... sort of... became the main character. woops.

30.  Favourite idea you haven’t started on yet

IM ONLY GONNA USE ORIGINAL STORIES FOR THIS BC HOLY SHIT

Honestly, I’d probably have to go with this idea I had of a living person picking up the scythe of a Grim Reaper and becoming one and having to learn the ropes of the job.

Okay, I lied, it might actually be this detective series idea I had, wherein the main character, a police officer, has to investigate cases that, for the most part, are reminiscent, or re-imagined versions, of Quebec folk tales, and she has to figure out why the fuck this is happening.

34.  What was the hardest scene you ever had to write?

FIGHTING AND ACTION SCENES I HATE THEM SO MUCH OH MY GOD THEY TAKE FOREVER AND I ALWAYS FEEL LIKE IM FUCKING THEM UP HORRIBLY I HATE THEM (I could give u a specific example, but i dont want to)

36.  Last sentence you wrote

“Shut up.”

(this is actually how chapter 2 of my tuckington high school au ends lmao and there’s nothing to gain from it have fun adri)

39.  Weirdest character concept you’ve ever had

OH SHIT I ACTUALLY KNOW THE ANSWER TO THIS QUESTION, okay so the i have no clue where the idea came from, but for some reason i had this idea of a character who’s mental stability or whatever was linked to these bracelets she wore??? but it was more like she became more primal and animalistic the more bracelets were taken off until she lost all sense of identity, and i think it’s because she was being controlled or used by an organization or whatever. This was just a random idea that I had and okay i know it’s dark af, but it’s honestly the weirdest one. (tbh…. im not sure i have one that could be considered weird…)

45.  How much world building do you do?

all of it. just. all of it. I need to know clothes, food, architecture, cultural norms, the history of the world, how the fuck people can communicate when there are multiple countries and multiple languages, and this is why absolutely none of my original stuff has ever been written

47.  Best way to procrastinate

Day-dreaming scenes and ideas instead of writing them

48.  What’s the most self-insert character/scene you’ve ever written?

W O W ADRI U WANNA CALL ME OUT THAT BADLY HUH?

honestly it’s probably that main character/villain i mentioned previously, bc i just gave her all of my self-loathing and she was supposed to sacrifice herself heroically in the end and there was gonna be an entire speech about why she was the right person to do this. (if it makes u feel any better, I’ve modified it so she doesn’t actually die and everyone is like “wtf? NO!”)

also the protagonist in story, i just gave her my depression and general lostness in life. (most... of my characters... start off with a part of me I want to explore, but over time, as I flesh them out, they become their own people, and actually have nothing to do with me anymore tbh)

49.  Which character would you most want to be friends with, if they were real?

THAT SWEET CINNAMON ROLL I MENTIONED BEFORE OMG YES, I WOULD PROTECT HIM WITH MY LIFE

50: how long do you usually let an idea fester in your mind before you’re like, “okay, i’ll write you down u little fucker”?

*LAUGHS HYSTERICALLY* OH MAN ADRI U HAVE NO IDEA WHAT YOU’VE JUST ASKED DO U OMG WAIT UNTIL U HEAR THIS

okay so u know that story with the cinnamon roll and main character/villain? The basic plot of that story has been in my brain since around 2011. I still haven’t started to write it. (though, to be fair, that story has changed so goddamn much since 2012 holy shit, and for the better tbh)

tbh adri, ur like 80% of my impulse control, and by that I mean you make me impulsive enough to actually write things instead of letting them ruminate in my brain forevermore. Hell, I’ve only started to get back into writing fanfiction because of you, okay, if u weren’t around I’d probably just give up on writing ever, and let the idea of being a novelist be nothing more but a fantasy i daydream about.