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I got a lap top I am an adult

   All of these blogs have been made via iphone until today. Hello everyone!!!  I have finally decided to adult myself into buying a laptop. This is a decision I don’t regret. For someone who thinks she’s cash money, and sure as shit isn’t..... I did well guys. *bravo* these posts are about to get FANCY AS FUCK. 

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My FAVORITE CHILDHOOD MOVIE EVER!

Disney’s Anastasia ( my favorite princess ) probably because the Russian in me. ;) Except it was ACTUALLY a German film directed by a man named Falk. Cool name Falk! Falk Harnack to be exact here with his full name.

The truth behind the movie. YES, there is actual history behind this Disney film. Anastasia Romanov; Russia’s lost princess.

Anastasia Nikolaevna Romanov was the grand dutchess of Russia born in 1901. June 18th to be exact. Anastasia was Czar Nicholas ll’s youngest daughter. She was a smart young girl, wild, rebellious, strong willed child who caused mischief, was quick witted, and had a very colorful free spirit.

In the movie Rasputin was the evil villain but he was actually known to be a holy man back In history. He had helped the children through their “prayers.” So basically these kids were taught to believe he was a family friend until sexual assault allegations came out. Funny how it’s always the “holy ones” who everyone loves and makes a big name for themselves that are actually the sick nasty perverts, breathing the same air among us. YUCK! Eventually he died soon after so good for him.

Back during The Russian revolution, the Romanovs were placed on house arrest in the Alexander Palace. Her father Nicholas soon after abdicated his throne when the Bolsheviks took over most of Russia and moved the family from their palace. This the turned into the Bolsheviks revolution during the civil war and things quickly became violent. The family was shot down and violently clubbed to death, some stabbed to execute the whole family. It’s said to be that somehow Anastasia escaped her death by faking it after bullets ricocheted off her corset. A guard saw her still breathing, took sympathy and let her free.

Later on a lady who went by the name Ana Anderson came out. She was an orphan, who ended up in a mental hospital but later came out and had a successful life and got married and died in 1986. She had told people that yes she was the dutchess but by then after years of battling the system they refused to identify her. Sad but true. The story of Anastasia otherwise Ana Anderson.

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On the note of territory;

America’s land in the process of being stolen gave some major misconceptions later on in history books and even Disney movies. Now after looking into things more, I ran across a couple of women who did not have a choice in their situation what-so-ever.

Disney’s movie Pocahontas: the real story-

Pocahontas was a Native American obviously.... she was the daughter to Powhatan (who was the chief to more than 30 tributary tribes) their land was called “Tsenacommacah” which now is called Jamestown, Virginia ever since the colonial settlement. (17th century) she was born in 1596 and her REAL NAME is actually Amonute and also went by the name of Matoaka. Pocahontas was just her nickname. She was known to be rebellious and very playful.

SHE WAS ONLY 11-12 YEARS OLD!!!!!! She died at the age of 21.

She was held captive and forced into marriage with John Smith who was 27 YEARS OLD!

This is so wrong on so many different levels I can’t explain. These men did not give anyone a fighting chance, no didn’t mean no to them. Genocide was a goal to them. If anyone got into their way of destroying their homes and kidnapping their children, they would brutally murder tribal family members. History tries to hide the truth by making it seem like a happy thing that they were able to forcibly control the Natives after this catastrophe.

Another young woman I want to spotlight: Sacagawea (Pronounced as SUH-KOG-UH-WEE-YUH)

She came around in the 19th century in the West when she was captured and kidnapped. She was only 16 years old and died at the age of 25 in an unmarked grave on the Wind River Indiana Reservation.

she belonged to the Lemhi Shoshone Tribe in Idaho. When she was 12 she was captured and kidnapped by the Hidatsa Tribe and then sold to a man named Toussaint Charbonneau at the age of 16. Toussaint Charbonneau was a French-Canadian man in his 40’s. She was 6 months pregnant when she had left with Lewis and Clark when the expedition began.

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This is a sketch I had done... with every scribble and line my emotions took over the pencil like I didn’t have control of what I was even drawing. It was just a feeling that had waited so so many years to emerge. I look at this and I know. It’s that feeling in your solar plexus, like a sinking pressure below your heart.

I accepted it. I even made an imaginary friend named Imarrah when I was around 5 years old. Imarrah had shown me her presence in a closet I hid in late at night. She looked like me but without a face. *psychologically speaking, this was the time I had developed a personality disassociation habit* she told me she had the same thing happen to her except that she didn’t wake up. She said that she couldn’t feel anything now and she was here to help me. I was told by my counselor presently and she had said how this is a common thing for children who were sexually abused. If I allowed her into my body I wouldn’t feel anymore. So I did. It helped. At some point I didn’t want friends growing up because I knew nobody would understand and the only one who would could not be seen by anyone except me. She even taught me games, like bloody marry, sand man, blue boy was another one but Imarah told me to stay away from blue boy and that he will stay outside my window unless I let him in. Now let’s just do a quick reality check here.... I started sleep walking, I even tried to commit suicide so I could be done with the hurt. I was 8 years old when my dads gun got jammed when I pulled the trigger to the temple of my forehead.... I was clearly going through some major major life conflicting issues at the time. I had no one safe to go to. No love, no identity....it is weird that she felt so real. Real enough that she taught me actual known games I had no clue about from anyone else. Lol. I didn’t know until later in life that kids in the neighborhood called me “the bloody marry girl” should they be scared or should I?

When I was little I didn’t know right from wrong. Nobody ever taught me it’s ok to say no, or how important physical boundaries are. When my uncle had the look of the devil in his eyes... I knew it was going to be bad and worse He was going to do it again...... I was in full flight or fight, and if I froze, I knew how bad it was going to keep getting. After the police arrived, I was told I was crazy and that I needed help through a counselor. And, so they returned me back to my family, I knew deep down This was a trap I will never be able to escape. And then................... I went dark.....

My childhood was dark, I loved the fire. I would play with it, I walked the line my whole life. I flowed like the ocean, and ran with the wind. That was the only thing I knew how to do. Acceptance was hard, burying memories 6 feet under just gave me flashbacks. The drugs, alcohol, addiction, self inflicted pain..... it was a dark teenage hood and even major parts of my adult hood. I first ran away from school when I was younger and took my little cousin with me. He was in kindergarten and I was in first grade... again when I was 12 I ran away again.....I was always living in fight or flight. There was no in between. All I wanted was some happy dopamines....People always asked what was wrong with me? Instead they should ask what’s wrong with society? Why am I so heavily judged? Why do people think it’s me who’s the bad guy. The “girl who cried wolf” or do they just hate how I’m outspoke. The truth all unfolds, it may take some time. But meanwhile, I’m being threatened on time. Reoccurring dreams of my own death certificate, a case treated un-right can really leave you livid. But here I stand with the only voice I have got, it’s me against the world from dusk until dawn.

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I read this article about elephants and thought this was the most amazing read and by far an inspiring true story to tell: fun fact: elephants do not ever leave behind their young EVER! They truly stick together as a family and are one of the smartest animals in the world.

There was a story about a young elephant who got stuck in a mud hole while crossing the river in India. With the outmost respect that India’s people have for their animals is very genuinely a great characteristic trait. They don’t remove the animals or the wild from their land or from the humans because even the animals have a mutual respect for territory. However, territory is territory. The elephants are very territorial because they are just a protective family tribe.

Anyways the baby elephant was losing energy trying to get himself out of the hole and the elephant family members tried but couldn’t. Their trumpets roared throughout India’s city. It wasn’t a good cry though, it was a scream for help. The elephants were running out of time for the dear baby elephants life following starvation and thirst, was in serious detrimental danger. Elephants don’t typically let humans near territory or around for their young but it seemed when villagers arrived to see what was going on they weren’t afraid. The elephants knew that they have ran out of options but were willing to risk it all with the villagers to save the baby. The villagers went for extra help and equipment elephants wouldn’t normally trust. Maybe it was a vibe.

The villagers saved the baby elephant just In time. The baby elephant was so weak due to being stuck without food and water but he survived when the mom came to love and rescue her babe.The family of elephants really stuck together as a loyal, loving pack and trusted In humans all as beings working together for one important piece to the puzzle: Unconditional love.

Imagine how beautiful the world would be if we all acted and treated each other the same. A world without racism or sexist closed minded human beings. We All bleed the same. With that being said, our military is taught the same aspect “no man left behind.” With that being said Happy Memorial Day to all those veterans who died risking their lives leaving no man behind.

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This is so cool

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Cher is a bad bitch - change my mind

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In a country where around 80 percent of the population worship goddesses of different kinds, the status of women and what they represent varied greatly from ancient to modern times. Amongst changing rulers followed a sexist community of men who decided to rule over Any Higher status of any future females. The women there are sold and sadly enough the cows are worth more than the women in that country which makes me super sad. I hope India can switch this around, love and respect their loyal wives and treat them just as equal as they do each other just as they do the animals. The community would once again flourish so much more and it would be such a beautiful evolution for sure.

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The ABC’s of Life

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Something every mom or single parent should read:

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Fun fact: flowers support each other. When one isn’t thriving you put it next to another to help them thrive together and the growth is unreasonably beautiful! 🌻 flowers find friendship within another and help lift each other up when the other is down. What a beautiful thing we should practice as humans. We would thrive so well as a society if we all watered our gardens together. How beautiful that would be! Like a fruitful “gardenship”

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L I T E R A L L Y

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This is an actual photo of me doing yard work

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I run to the beat of my own drum