We Search For Stolen Personhood - Blue Walls
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cw: pet whump, box boy universe/bbu adjacent, Institutionalized slavery, past abuse, conditioned whumpees
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Prince had awoken, same time as always, the routine mechanically ingrained in his brain. Now, lying in the old, twin sized mattress of the bunk bed the people had provided, he dared not shut his eyes, dared not to blink, dared not stop staring, fighting against the overcoming call of slumber that still had its hold on him.
The walls were blue.
He blinked, once, then twice, then three times.
Not white, not painstakingly, achingly white, but blue. A grayish sort of the color - or maybe that was a trick caused by the dim light of the room, he couldn’t tell - but definitely not white.
He sipped in a long, filling breath, hands laid over his chest and feeling along with the movement. He wanted to touch it. He wanted to dance around, to jump and sing and cheer. To rub his whole body across it, to smoosh his entire face against it, because maybe it wasn’t real at all, maybe it was false. Prince didn’t want to be dreaming.
Ever so carefully he picked up a hand, watching with innocent fascination as it neared the wall. Then, he hesitated, pulling back and lingering in the air before the two could meet.
What if it crumbled beneath his fingers in an instant? Disappeared the moment he made contact? What if they were simply a trick of his mind, fake and never to be true?
But the woman was real. He’d heard her speak, heard her converse with Mutt. The stuffed animal she’d brought for him, a bright, vibrantly pink teddy bear, sat over his belly, fur tickling him along the rise and fall of his breathing. The toy was real, she was real, and so was the wall.
They had to be.
Carefully, jaw working, he forced himself to press one finger to the wall. No crumbling, no disappearance, no reality warping magic that he could have thought up. Then another, then another, then the rest. The touch was slightly cool, bumps of plaster scratching gently to his skin as he grazed his hand over it in big circles.
The blue wall was real.
And he was out.
A short gasp slipped through his lips, realization finally dawning, jumping along with the beat of his heart. The contorting churn and quease of his belly was evident, an anxious feeling overflowing, spilling and seeping into each and every crevice.
He wanted to be happy, he really did… but was that not enough? What was with the sore in his chest, coiling around, suffocating his lungs and making it hard to breathe?
Hm? You want some outside time as a treat for being so good? Is that what I think I’m hearing, ‘719?
N- no! Ms., um, Handler Reeves, sir, please, no, no outside, please.
Really? Are you sure? I could’ve sworn you loved the outside… always asking about it, always dreaming about it, all that ugly fucking crying…
Please, Handler Reeves, I’m sorry, I’m sorry, no outside, please, I’ll do anything, I’ll be so good just no outside, outside is bad and scary an’ and horr- horrible an’ no outside, please-
That’s what I thought, ‘719.
Prince swallowed, hard, shaking his head of thoughts as the pulse of his heart picked up pace.
No outside for you, Princey, you know that. Don’t tell me you forgot your training? Forgot all those things they taught you back at the facility… do I really need to send you back?
No, sir, no, of course not. I- I remember.
Good, good. They did wonders for you, did you know that?
Oh, he knew.
Prince slowly shuffled to a sitting position on the edge of the bed, carefully avoiding the mistake of nudging Mutt from his much needed sleep, who was collapsed in a heap on the floor. He must’ve been horribly exhausted to allow himself sleep, Prince couldn’t recall how many nights he’d stayed up to ensure his safety. Prince then stood, walking around to the drape covered window beside the bed.
A window, just like his sir’s, but at the same time not at all. He gently drew the drapes aside, letting the early, faint, cloud concealed light filter over his face. Six o’clock, he guessed, familiar with the look of that time considering he’d woken up then for as long as he’d been with his sir. Except, the new view of a plain, dew dripping, cream colored fence took him off guard, being so used to the look of his sir’s neighbors’ front yards.
He swallowed, sucking in the flesh of the inside of his cheeks and softly gnawing on it, clutching the drapes tight.
He was out, he was out, he was out.
And he still hadn’t been hurt. So when was it coming?
If he looked close enough, focused his eyes in just the right spot, Prince could make out his own reflection in the window. Hair oily and undone, frizzy too, no more maids to get him prepared for his master before he even woke.
There was a cut, small but there, scratched over his upper lip, gradually scabbing over. He licked his tongue over it, feeling for the ridges and bumps and ugliness.
I can hurt you, Princey, any way I want, but I never leave any marks, do I?
Isn’t that just generous of me?
Who would want to ruin a gorgeous face like yours?
His gazed dropped, just a smidge, to find there was no lock on the window. He stared, just for a pause in time, debating. Would he? Would he not? Would sir allow it?
Breathing quickening, hand trembling and gradually pressing the latch, he shoved it over to one side, leaving half open. He looked back, as if his sir would jump in at any moment and catch him, yell, and anger, and hurt him-
The foggy, morning air blossomed over his face, a slight chill that worked to wake him further. Letting his eyes flutter to a close he sucked it in greedily, a large breath that filled his lungs with cold.
He smiled, still trained and never meeting the eyes, but a smile nonetheless.
Maybe one day he would be able to smile for real.
Soon enough, as the nerves overwhelmed him and grasped upon his brain Prince carefully and quietly shut the barrier once again, room filling up with silence.
Flopping back in bed, Prince would wait for his sir to wake, just as he always did, except he wasn’t in his sir’s bed or inside the white walls, and there were no maids who dressed him up, and no sir beside him.
With his sir unaccounted, he failed to realize what exactly he was waiting for. He waited, anyway.
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