#my aromantic ass is NOT anti shipping i love shipping and romance and romantic love and everything!!!!!!

[thetisming]

me, aromantic, loving shipping and romance in media, and me, alloplatonic, wanting positive friendships in media, have come to the conclusion that i will only ship canon things except for some things that pass the test of 'yeah they're gay actually'. sorry

[proshippers-against-censorship]

I want to confess something kinda funny about one of my fics because I saw a post somewhere about how antis put "not a ship" under their work (and then the work itself has the most sweetest shippiest vibe ever lol). I hope this is amusing.

I made this one fic about a pair of siblings, a fic I intentionally wanted to make platonic because I do not ship them personally. I don't judge anyone shipping them, I myself just don't for whatever reason. All I wanted to do was write a nice wholesome fic for them.

Except I'm abysmal at writing non-shippy physical touch and emotional exchanges. I mainly do various flavours of angsty romance or aromantic sexual relations, so... some of the points at the fic I thought "this is gonna come off as kinda maybe romantic isn't it". So, what I remedied it with was a tag. I tagged it with 'not a ship' of course. Because that's gonna fix it, right? Literally slapped it on like a piece of tape on a burst pipe. I'm so smart!!1

Now, it's OK if people read my fic with shipping in mind, it really is. The point is that I'm such a failperson that when I try to write cute gen friendships it comes across like they're in danger of tripping into a booty grabbing hug all the time and it's so mortifyingly funny now that I think of it after the fact.

Imagine wanting to draw a circle and going about it by drawing a square with extremely rounded corners. Like technically it passes for a circle but there's something vaguely suspicious about it. And you wonder if people see it that way as well.

I'm thinking of taking the tag out but then again it's just so damn funny maybe I should leave it there for giggles because maybe it'll crack a bonafide sibling shipper up, idk. Moral of the story I'm the writer equivalent of the doujin artist doing cheeky shit like automatically inserting messed up ass and tiddy shots into serious emotionally impactful scenes. I'm the mfer that draws the old evil man with plump glossy lips and big naturals.

Anyway have a beautiful Sunday my lovely people 🫶

Pfft.

[incarnateirony]

Hey! What's your take on the opinion that Romance isn't a part of the core SPN themes (family, brotherhood etc etc)? Or would the fact the SPN is a soap opera negate this opinion entirely? (I mean one of its listed genre is Drama after all). Thanks (preemptively) foe the answer!

First answer: Complicated.

Most of the time this is a smoke screen being run by an anti choosing to skip context like this show didn’t start with lovers burning on the ceiling or haunting them on the street and like they didn’t have multiple relationships over the show and like the original endgame wasn’t domestic with Lisa (and don’t get me started on shipping culture moving the LGBT goalpost where Lisa’s original ending would have counted even without S6 but the literal DeanCas mirror of it right down to Never Too Late doesn’t, Because Reasons.)

Romance has always been part of the show. The problem is it isn’t a *focus* of the show. Even when it comes down to straight sexytimes, for example, we haven’t seen a real Dean sexytime since season *eight*, or seven years ago, unless you count Deanmon which was literally used to highlight the problems going on with Dean. And even that was 5 years ago now. Dean’s implied hookups since? “Just subtext! Maybe they went and played Paper Football! We Just Don’t Know!!!!!!!”

So is it fair to say it isn’t a *focal* point of the show, especially modernly, wherein for the last, IDK, half the fucking 15 year run of the show Subtext has been enough Canon Common Sense But Only When Straight? 

One of the biggest complaints that is counterintuitive in fandom is the whole statement “’That isn’t what the show is about’ is a bad cop out”, which looks REALLY fuckin’ great on paper until you realize even the straight romances or even straight physical hookups have all been communicated in subtext and body language for the last two fucking showrunners.

SPN is a genre piece. That genre is not romance. That does not mean a genre piece can not sub-genre in romance for certain arcs, and it’s like kindergarten logic when people break that out. And SPN has been doing so for *years*.

The real struggle, however, is the premise of putting two leads together in a romantic relationship; let’s pretend, for a second, that we didn’t pretty well know there’s a giant corporate issue attached to this which I’ve covered the origins of before, and that there was no stonewall.

Even if they were opposite gender leads, to put them together in a relationship before the end *does* legitimately risk fucking up A LOT. And I don’t just mean people’s take on who’s ace or bi or repulsed or aromantic or How Fandom Has Headcanoned Things Need To Be, but I mean just on general story. 

Generally the method to do this would be to just write a loudly suggestive scene like any other het moments the show has had in years, and then write it as an established relationship quietly thereafter, if you don’t want to completely genre-toss us. And an established relationship of two male warriors that are incredibly masculine in presentation is not necessarily going to be the performative thing a fandom wants, especially when unfortunately the loudest voice box available for them is from LGBT+ women. And it’s LGBT issues, yes, but relationships and cultures and experiences and manners vary and that’s why intersectionality exists.

I’ve seen suggestions like “Well you could divide them and then make them have to pursue each other to extend the tension!” Okay but the second you LOUDLY frame that as exclusively romantic you are tilting the genre already, and once you make that your central mytharc, you’re done. And *fuck* if Dabb isn’t *already* pushing that line *right now* with Cas’ deal and everything else floating around in the Divorce Season.

Now, if you wanted to, say, not move the goalposts – and recognize S10 was about their inevitable union via Cain (and was even louder pre-cut), and S11 was pining/connected hearts, and somewhere in there something got established before arguing about being unthoughtful or unappreciative, or before trading famous courting gifts like mixtapes, or “he came in my room and he played me” to get the item that was secretly under his pillow that he knew for rEAsOnS was there even when Sam didn’t, or that S13 was the grieving widower arc/reunion/never too late/lisa mirror//kinda honeymoon, and S14 was the domestic season where they’re just a family, until the divorce kicks off, that even TVG and soap reporters are calling a breakup like? That’s where we are. And if people recognize the threshold of romance in this show and apply the het bar the same as they apply the LGBT bar, and shipping culture stops fucking us up by manufacturing goalposts to argue with irrelevant antis the GA doesn’t give a FUCK about, suddenly… *jazz hands* Hey look the show isn’t about romance but we still have romance, and working adult brains. 

Hell the only main cast kiss in the last umpteen years was John and Mary. MOST ROMANTIC PAIRINGS ARE CODED BY HAND HOLDING IN THIS SHOW. 

Like can you imagine for a second if, instead of doubling down on old opinions, bitter takes and personal demands, everyone went and reviewed everything from Dabb era 11+ and just didn’t talk each and every individual instance down, be it loud mixtapes, lingering touches, major mytharcing, bold set design and directing, textual affirmations of love being talked down, just brushing under the rug that even hell gossips about it, just like heaven did too, and to stop reading everything that’s gay as a laugh track? Can you imagine, IMAGINE if this bitter ass fandom actually reviewed the content instead of competing with a collection of losers online that managed to, with the full force of the fucking internet and a bazillion fans online, make a little mob of 40 asshats that for some INEXPLICABLE reason the fandom feels they need to argue with even when TPTB ignore/openly mock them?

So yeah. The show isn’t about romance, but it can, and does, and even currently includes romance, and it is what it is.

Are visibility issues important, yes, I’m not taking away from that, but this is a multifaceted and heavily nuanced issue even in a world where we were talking about overt canonization, and we can’t just disregard the business ramifications on the product either. But “Good LGBT rep” is not synonymous with “The line that is our canon story”. Hell there’s a lot of shitty LGBT rep that’s loudly canon and proliferates bad stereotypes, that doesn’t mean it isn’t in their respective shows. Stop merging these things.All you’re doing is building new goalposts for yourself and yourself only that isn’t, and won’t, and hasn’t, and never will impact the actual canon content the GA is consuming.

[aromantic-official]

Hi:) i kinda have a favor to ask. I am currently writing a book& one of the characters is aromantic. I myself do not identify on the spectrum& only have one friend who does. I already consulted her but I want to hear about other peoples experiences too in order to get a better grasp of things. I love the character& I want him to be authentic& not some half-assed representation. I was hoping that maybe you could direct me to some resources? Or if you or any of your followers feel comfortable ++

++telling me about your/their own experience that would also be greatly appreciated!! I would love to hear about the process of realizing and/or accepting it, about any family related issues and also about how it possibly affects someones daily life (e.g. how does it feel if someone keeps asking why u still aint got a partner etc.) I know that all experiences are individual but i would love to hear about some. If this is rude in any way I m very sorry. Also dont feel obligated to publish this :)

That’s a very good attitude to take about writing an aro character, and I’m very glad you have an arospec person to consult as well, since it should help a lot. Here’s an ask we answered about a non-aro person writing an aro character, with many resources and basic tips. Here’s another, this one covering important tropes and pitfalls to avoid.

The question isn’t rude, but asking someone about how it feels to be out or how being aro affects their daily life can be very personal, so be careful and tactful if you choose to do so. Realizing you’re aro is going to be different for everyone, just like any other LGBTQIA+ identity. You may not be able to apply some of these scenarios to the world your character is in (ex. not having the internet in a fantasy book, or no aspec communities exist in a dystopian realm).

Some of the most common experiences I’ve seen for realizing you’re aromantic go along these lines:

“I found the term aromantic through asexual communities, both near the same time, and it clicked. The relief I felt was immense and I’m happy to have words to describe myself.” Most often for aroaces.

“I was exposed to the term aromantic years before I realized it fit me. I was in deep denial, both from other factors (could be sexual attraction, past relationships, trauma, wanting to be in a relationship, etc.) and amatonormativity.” Often for aro allosexuals and/or people who have tried to force themselves to have romantic feelings.

“It was very hard me for me to find a place for myself. The labels were small, hidden, and mocked/belittled/invalidated, and the journey to find something that fit me was long, but I’m glad I made it.” For people on the aromantic spectrum.

“I always knew I was different. I explored queer communities for a long time, switching between many different labels, but never feeling anything quite fit, before finding the term aromantic.”

“I never knew I was different. By finding the aromantic community, I became aware of the small things about myself I had pushed aside or ignored, because I didn’t believe it was possible to be the way I am.”

“I feel romantic attraction under certain conditions/rarely/in a certain way, so I didn’t believe it was possible for me to be aro, and felt alienated from the community. Later, I found labels that described my experience, and a group of people that understood what I went through, and I embraced my identity.” For arospecs.

“I knew of the term aromantic for a long time before I realized it was me. I questioned it, but due to incorrect/negative mindsets and amatonormativity, identified as many queer and arospec labels once I realized I wasn’t straight. Eventually, I pushed my denial aside, and embraced by aromantic identity.”

“I can’t be aromantic! I had a crush in 2nd grade!/There’s a person I think is cute!/I have sex!/I have strong feelings towards people! (usually squishes)/I want to date!/whatever bullshit excuse my mind threw at me during questioning. Eventually, I pushed through it, realized many of these were common experiences with names/labels in the aromantic community, and concluded I was aro.”

Family-related issues can be a bit more complicated. Just like any other LGBTQIA+ identity, it’s a personal choice to come out or not, with all kinds of factors contributing to the decision. I’ve seen many who have successfully done it, those who have been rejected, and those who will never come out. Fighting heteronormative and amatonormative stereotypes, ideals, and issues is fully individual and based on the family and the aro. Not to mention homophobia, transphobia, aphobia, or any other bullshit an aro’s got to deal with. Safety levels upon speaking up also vary; not everyone can be an activist. Handle this issue carefully.

As for daily life… being aro affects much of it, for many of us. It can affect which friends we have, what jobs we take, how we interact with people, what kind of partners and relationships we have, if any… everything, even in the smallest of ways. We know we’re different, we’re Others in the eyes of society. Romance is constantly marketed as something everyone always wants, must have, needs, and only the monsters, the aliens, the villains, the cold and broken and ugly don’t get a love interest at the end of the movie. The boy gets a girlfriend because he did a good job saving the world, right? Heteronormativity, misogyny, and amatonormativity intersect pretty neatly that way. This takes a toll on your mind over the years, the same way other anti-minority attitudes do.

The best way I can describe it is as a fundamental disconnect. It’s hearing people talk about their crushes and realizing you’ll never have a staple of the human experience, of growing up, of fitting in, that is so basic and ingrained it’s not even questioned. It’s realizing your friends will always value a romantic partner over you, no matter how close you are. It’s seeing wedding clothes and feeling sad, instead of hopeful or happy. It’s trying to find a song not about love, in vain. It’s watching a movie and not understanding why these two characters that stood next to each other are being shipped. It’s starting to loathe Valentine’s Day, for the constant reminders you’re different, so different no one even knows you’re here. It’s being so, so tired when people ask you why you haven’t kissed/dated/married yet, looking at you like you’re sad, or a child, or disgusting, or broken, or perverted. It’s realizing you don’t have the future everyone else sees as the ideal, and you don’t really know what kind of future you’ve got at all.

So yes, it can be depressing, but it can also be nice and fun, as shown in one of the asks I linked at the beginning. So don’t forget we’re not all gloomy discourse-plagued hermits, we’ve got personalities and stories and lives with many happy spots, just like any other person. One last thing, our resources page may help you as well!

Good luck writing your character; I hope they’re amazing!

- Mod Harley

[hotbugbot]

Overwatch HCs

Ana: straight. the otp with reinhardt. pretty shameless with her affection and probably embarrasses pharah with it sometimes. not vulgar, just old and open. somewhat motherly toward mccree, and is team advice grandma. voted most likely to share an embarrassing story about anyone giving her too much sass.

Bastion: beeps boops. sexuality and gender are not a thing. has made friends with nearly the entire crew of overwatch, including the anti-omnics, save for maybe anyone on team talon. voted most likely to have a collection of decorative flower pots.

D.va: pansexual trans girl. way more interested in vidya games than people. became quick bffs with lúcio, who is her transitioning buddy. her and genji are casual friends, who share a passion for classic arcade games. quietly thinks hanzo is hot but is Not About That stuffy personality. also likes the junkers, partly in an ironic way but also genuinely. voted most likely to make a meme out of stupid shit her teammates say.

Genji: bisexual. the otp with mccree, established before recall. after he overcomes his body dysphoria thanks to zenyatta’s guidance, genji regains confidence in his sexuality and becomes a giant flirt 2.0. polyamorous cyborg is much more respectful and less flighty in relationships than his younger self was. had a dragon tattoo mirroring hanzo’s own but in green down his right arm, before it got torn the fuck off. all that remains of his old body is bits of his face, his left arm, and a few vital organs. death by ryuu ga waga teki wo kurau. voted most likely to spew absolute filth in japanese around those he knows cannot speak it for kicks.

Hanzo: either bisexual with a slight female preference, or demi. thinks the team cowboy is hot hot hot, but has a much harder time coming to terms with his (gay) feelings than his brother does. has a friendship with satya based on their mutual appreciation for order and company in silence. his legs are prosthetic. voted most obnoxiously tidy room.

Junkrat: ?? gray asexual, probably. too preoccupied with blowing shit up to care much. when he isn’t blowing shit up, he actually puts in quite an effort to befriend his teammates, but to the point it is overbearing and invasive. voted most likely to lose more limbs by the end of the year.

Lúcio: bisexual, slight male preference. trans guy. became quick bffs with hana, who is his transitioning buddy. his lower half is partially prosthetic, with enhancements; unlike hanzo, synthetic pieces are built around his fleshy legs that allow him to not only walk but skate like a pro. also hangs around reinhardt a lot, but everyone loves reinhardt. voted most likely to disappear at night to satisfy a sweet tooth craving.

Mccree: bisexual. the otp with genji, established before recall. big on pet names and 100% shameless when it comes to using them in public. has a tattoo on his upper back from his deadlock days, which he now regrets. his relationship with reyes is complicated at best, largely thanks to gabriel having treated him much like a father would a son in his early recruit days. to say negative feelings have completely replaced any of appreciation and love would be a lie. still close to pharah and ana. voted most likely to whistle loudly in the shower.

Mei: bisexual or gay. probably gay. suffers from ptsd due to losing her friends in the cryostasis incident, just is, to her detriment, very good at hiding it behind a smile. has coping rituals to get by and generally gets along well with the recall team, but occasionally has to force herself to socialize. tracer, lúcio, and zarya have been particularly good at making this easier for her. voted most likely to describe memories in vivid detail like no one else can.

Mercy: bisexual. low on the angela hcs, but her hands are DIRTY, the pure angel persona is a lie. might’ve had a minor interest in ana romantically in her younger days, but never did anything about it. voted most likely to overwork herself.

Pharah: gay. thought she had a small crush on mccree when she was young, but came to realize she simply admired his confidence and companionship. has since formed a brother-sister relationship with him that’s lasted to present day. has complicated feelings toward mercy, namely, is Hella In Love with her while mercy felt more companionship with her mother in the older days, and sees fareeha like a sister. she wants to return the familial sentiment but just ends up sweating a lot and acting like a clumsy, lovesick fool. voted most likely to follow an insanely strict meal plan for health benefits.

Reaper: gay. gay and his relationship with morrison is so, so deliciously complicated. a great number of things fanned the fire that led to the incident at swiss HQ, and their personal (gaaay) relationship certainly didn’t help douse any flames. whatever happened, reyes was screwed just as much as jack, if not more. practically canon supported. voted most likely to have skull crushing thighs.

Reinhardt: straight. the otp with ana. the most affectionate partner out of all the heroes, hands down. will let you swing from his flexing biceps whether you are 4 or 40 and boisterously proclaim how he is loving every second of it. has a garden he tends to and harvests on base. fareeha’s adoptive father, but also kind of everyone’s adoptive grandfather. voted most likely to wake others with his snoring.

Roadhog: bisexual. has a natural talent for detail work, and can pick up just about any handicraft in a few attempts. if he isn’t blasting holes into things, he’s probably somewhere off in his own space sewing or baking. is polynesian, and can play a mean ukulele. vegetarian. voted most likely to liberate a herd of animals from the pound.

Soldier 76: bisexual. see: reaper. not a dad, but definitely team dad, likely against his will. i basically subscribe to the popular headcanon that jack was an overambitious golden poster boy in his younger years, and worked his ass off to get the respect and praise he thinks he deserves. things started to sour in overwatch before he was necessarily ready to deal with them or the position thrust upon him. voted most likely to say he won’t lift a finger for anyone who acts like a suicidal asshole in a skirmish, but ends up going above and beyond to save them if there’s trouble.

Sombra: gay. gets an absolute kick out of teasing/pissing everyone off. not even widowmaker is safe from her playful pestering, and honestly talon operatives must think she has a death wish because someone has ‘accidentally’ pointed a sniper rifle at her more than once. voted most likely to blackmail anyone’s ass into oblivion.

Symmetra: either gray asexual or aromantic. either way has an appreciative eye for the female form/femmes but is not interested in pursuing an actual relationship. has a friendship with hanzo based on their mutual appreciation for order and company in silence. she’s ocd and autistic, and likes winged things, such as birds and butterflies, but as something to be admired from afar rather than up close. voted best natural balance.

Torbjörn: straight. i don’t have a single torb headcanon that diverts from canon tbh. voted unexpectedly best dick game.

Tracer: CANON LESBIAN fully accepted into headcanon space, bless. also canonly fam with winston my tracer hc prayers have been answered. i don’t have much to add. voted most likely to be found napping randomly in strange places.

Widowmaker: doesn’t really have the emotional capacity for romance or sexuality since brainwashing, but thought she was straight pre-talon. ‘thought’ because she is actually bisexual, just never had a chance to explore that. still working on how her humanity eventually comes back to her. voted most likely to win a breath holding competition.

Winston: i draw the line at monkey shipping but him and tracer are great pals. voted most likely to binge watch future!netflix after a hard day and unintentionally empty out the entire kitchen by the second movie.

Zarya: gay as hell. the most she will ever admire about a man is his workout routine, and even then we know hers is more intense. has at some point arm wrestled everyone in overwatch and won. voted most likely to get hit by a truck and survive, with minimal injuries.

Zenyatta: asexual. i can’t seem to fit in any relationship that isn’t platonic for zen in my head space; he respects his brother mondatta deeply and genji as a friend and student. has an unexpectedly dry sense of humor and will deliver jokes in the flattest tone when it’s least expected. as a result, no one knows if he’s kidding or not and his punchlines are almost always followed by uncomfortable silence. voted most likely to be writing an epic in his spare time.