#my ashayam

[spirk-trek]

thinking about jealous!jim but not the usual kind of jealous, more like:

seeing spock interact with other telepaths

seeing spock interact with other vulcans

seeing him mind meld with literally anyone/anything else

thinking he's embarrassing spock when he shows his emotions

secretly hating the 'you couldn't pronounce his real name' jokes

wondering if he can be enough, if spock is fulfilled by their bond, their melds, even their sex because how could it not be better if he was anything but human? if he was anything but the one thing spock has spent most of the time they've known each other trying not to be?

knowing there are others out there who could know spock in ways he never will

[theshadowrealmitself]

You know those dreams you have that are fucking heartbreaking for no goddamn reason?

Vulcan partner getting a sense of it through your bond

[kiran-wears-science-blues]

50 Ways To Say Goodbye by Train came on in the car, and Morgan said "this song is Andrew avoiding telling the Scoobies that you guys broke up"

and you know what

yeah, he's right

[raine-is-okay]

they called me The Name™️ ajdhdjs i camt theyre adorable and such a nerd and so am i

[marlinspirkhall]

[ID] Star Trek comic. Ensign: You and Spock get along quite well, Captain. Kirk: Ah yes... You could say... There is "a bond" between us. Spock, through the bond: It is unnecessary to make that pun every time, Ashayam. Kirk: Ah, but it amuses me. Spock: ... Logical [End ID]

The textpost I made has been in my "to draw" folder forever, but I'm finally done <3

Font: Comica

[vultwink]

HAPPY LOVE AND JOYUS DAY TO MY ASHAYAMS - SPOCK

[sachiko1309]

Pon Farr

Summary: After Spock and Lucy established a relationship, Spocks nature calling sends them into taking a few more steps as a couple.

Word count: 4941

Warnings: smut with plot, violence, Minors DNI!!! this contains adult content

Translations:

* sa-fu = son

* ashayam = beloved/darling

* kal'i'farr = wedding

* nafai = okay 

* Oekon you ri goal fai -tor, ra you aishan tor = you have no idea what you're doing to me

Other notes: The extended mind meld is ssth that grew in my imagination. Just ignore or run with it. Thx 🥰

Knowing you might want to read it @mystery-star I tagged you 😇

I woke up in the night to someone caressing my body.

Spock.

I smiled at him. His face was brightly lit by the moonlight. But when I recognized his expression, the smile slipped away. His eyes were full of hunger and sexual desire. Pon Farr had begun. Spock leaned over me. "You look so beautiful, t'hy'la ." I tried to push him away, but he was far too strong. He easily took my hands and held them tied above my head. "Spock, stop. Your Pon Farr has begun. We must..." He interrupted me with an urgent kiss. With one hand he still held my hands above my head. The other started pulling my nightgown up.

"Stop! Stop it! That's not you!" My voice got louder and I tried to wriggle out of his grip unsuccessfully. His lips kissed my neck, my face, my cleavage. "Stop. I don't want this. Spock, please." I pleaded. Fear rose inside me. Tears formed in my eyes. But Spock didn't stop. He had now pushed my nightgown up so far, that he could easily slide his fingers over my panties.

"Jim!" I screamed, hoping to wake him. "Jim help me! Please!"

“He won’t be able to help you. He's far too weak." Spock sneered and pushed my panties aside. "No!" I had actually started to cry. There was a big lump in my throat and I felt sick. Images of Hanesh kept flashing through my head. "Jim!"

The bedroom door slammed shut with a crash. Jim threw himself at Spock and actually managed to pry him off of me. I jumped out of bed and stood frozen in the middle of the room.

“Lucy run! Get Ambassador Sarek ." Jim shouted. Spock punched him in the face and then tried to reach for me again. But Jim didn't let go and pulled him back onto the bed. "Go!" he shouted at me again. Blood ran from his nose. Suddenly, I spun around and ran. Out of the room and down the long hallway. My nightgown billowed dangerously high on my hips, but I didn't care. I ran like a madwoman all the way to Spock's father's apartment. When I got there I banged furiously on the door.

“Ambassador Sarek. I need your help! It's about Spock." I pounded and pounded. I'm sure I woke up almost every one of his neighbors, but I didn't care. Suddenly the door opened and I fell forward into a dark brown tunic. Large hands straightening me again.

“Lieutenant Esteban. "What happened?" Sarek asked me and let me go.

"Spock... He..." I stammered, unable to calm myself.

"Remain calm." Sarek took my hands. I immediately felt his calmness. I tried to orientate myself on that. It took a few breaths, but then I managed to say: "Spock forced himself on me. I think his Pon Farr has started. Jim could stop him and now they're fighting."

As if struck by lightning, Sarek let go of my hands and gathered up his tunic. And then he ran. I could not believe it. Ambassador Spock, a full-blooded Vulcan ran! I quickly ran after him and was able to catch up with him at the door. The sight that greeted me was terrifying. The room was completely devastated. Jim layed beneath Spock. Holding his hands protectively in front of his head. Blood ran from his nose and lip. "Spock!" I uttered. His eyes were immediately on me. Jim took advantage of the moment, clamping Spock's legs between his and rolling around. With his hands he pushed his arms to the ground and tried to pin him to the ground with his entire body to keep.

"Sa- fu*!" Ambassador Sarek's voice boomed through the room. And as if he was breaking through an invisible wall, Spock immediately stopped struggling. He blinked a few times and then looked between me and Jim. When Spock saw my tears, he was shocked. "What have I done? Did I hurt you?" I shook my head.

"Let go of me, Jim!" Spock demanded.

"Are you sure?" Jim looked uncertainly at Spock and then at Sarek .

"Yes. I can control myself now."

Jim reluctantly got up from the ground, trying to keep the blood on his face from dripping onto the floor.

Behind me the door swung open again. "What happened here?" Scotty and Bones. Presumably woken up by the noise, they pushed past me. Bones was immediately at Jims side and looked at his face. "I'm fine. Get your hands out of my face," Jim said and slapped his hands away.

“You are not. Your nose is broken." Bones protested.

"Ay, I think the Commander got the Captain pretty good." Scotty's eyes were on Spock's hands. Bones spun around. "You what?" He waved his hands angrily at Spock. Jim stepped in. Probably out of concern that Spock might freak out again in his current state. “Everything’s fine, Bones. He didn't do it on purpose. He has Pon Farr." Jim pronounced it as if it was an illness, causing Scotty to raise an eyebrow: " Pon Farr? Is that contagious?" He immediately took a few steps back and looked at Spock uncertainly.

"No it's not. Our first officer has just become this wild, sex-crazed animal. That's why we're here, isn't it Jim?" Bones started to press Jim's face again. He just whined and didn't answer. "I thought so." Bones murmured, barely making it audible. Scotty stared between the two, obviously confused. "Ay, and what does that mean exactly?" Bones looked at him annoyed. "He over there..." He pointed to Spock. “Must mate with Lucy in the next eight days or he’ll die. Pon Farr is a vulcan mating ritual."

“Doctor, I appreciate it, if you didn’t talk about my culture like that. Pon Farr is very important to us and your condescending attitude is insulting to my people." Spock growled, his jaw clenched tight, his hands clenched at his sides. "Condescending." Bones hissed. "Jim looks like he's been run over and you're worried about whether I'm insulting your culture or not." Spock took a step toward Bones, growling even louder, but I was faster.

I put my hands calmly on his chest and held him back. I had barely touched him before he recoiled from me as if I had burned him. “That’s enough, Bones. For Vulcans, Pon Farr is one of the most intimate things. I need you to be my friend in this, so at least try not to get thrown out, okay ?" I asked him. Bones just grumbled, but then nodded.

"Well." Ambassador Sarek raised his voice. "I think it would be best for everyone if we go our separate ways. Spock, you come with me. The others stay here and take care of Captain Kirk. I'll go to the High Priestess straight away and make the necessary preparations. Until tomorrow." He stepped aside and waited for Spock to walk past him. But he hesitated and looked at me.

"I'm fine. You didn't hurt me." I said and took him in my arms. "I'll wait for you here and it'll be over tomorrow, okay?"

"Okey." Spock hid his face in my hair. "I'm sorry. Please forgive me, ashayam*." I hugged him tighter. “I was never mad at you, sa t’hy’la. You can not help it."

Before Spock left the room, he turned to Jim. “I'm sorry, Jim. Thank you for protecting Lucy from me. I'll be eternally grateful to you." Jim waved him off with a wry smile. "Oh, nonsense. You're my friend, that's a given. Even if I wouldn't say no if the next few drinks went to you." Spock's mouth twitched before he turned away and left the room, followed by his father.

***

When I woke up the next morning I felt completely exhausted. Bones, Scotty, Jim and I stayed up a little longer trying to put the room back in order. I peeled myself out of bed and went into the living room. In one corner the broken furniture lay piled on top of each other, a pile of dust in front of it. Jim was sprawled out on the sofa, snoring softly. I shook him awake. “Come on, get up. I'm going to get ready and then it's your turn, okay ?" Jim hummed and rubbed his face. " Hmm... Yeah..."

Shaking my head, I went into the bathroom. After brushing my teeth and showering, I sat on the edge of the bathtub and stared at the traditional dress hanging neatly on the hanger on the door like a dark omen. It was floor length and had medium length balloon sleeves. Like flowing water, blue and green colors flowed around the dress and made it shimmer like a lizard rising from the water. I tied my hair up and slipped into the dress. It was light and made of thin, fine material. It fell in soft lines over my body and billowed on the floor. Great. It was way too long. Hopefully I wouldn't trip. I mentally cursed the much taller Vulcans.

A pounding on the door broke me out of my thoughts. “Lucy, hurry up. Scotty and Bones are already waiting and I haven't even showered yet." I pulled the door open and switched with Jim. Carefully, so as not to step on the dress, I went into the living room. Scotty and Bones were sitting there on the sofa. They were dressed in floor-length white tunics and wore something like a gray wool parka over their shoulders.

A little later, Jim emerged from the bathroom in the same outfit. "I think I'm dying." He announced, pulling the tunic up to his hips. "How on earth do they not shrink in these clothes?" Bones shook his head. “Were you not paying attention in the academy? Vulcans are used to heat. Their body temperature is higher than ours and they experience hypothermia much later than we do."

"And then they wear carpets for miles on a desert planet?" Jim put the parka on the sofa and tried to somehow sit with his tunic on. It looked really ridiculous. I had to laugh, which earned me a dirty look.

“Ay Lassie , it is definitely beneficial to wear long, loose clothes in such temperatures and sunlight. They provide enough UV protection and keep you reasonably cool." Scotty chimed in, leaning back more comfortably. "I like this tunic. Maybe I can take one home with me."

Jim opened his mouth but was interrupted by a knock on the door. I stood up and waded through the masses of skirt to the door. When I opened it I saw Ambassador Sarek and Spock. Sarek was dressed in the same robes as the others, but when my eyes landed on Spock, I stopped breathing. He looked hot. He wore a gold tunic with a white collar made of fine silk. Over it he wore a knee-length blue jacket embroidered with gold decorations. His face was framed by the high collar of his jacket and contrasted wonderfully with his black hair.

I walked the path in silence next to Spock. All my concentration was on not tripping. A tingling feeling spread through my body the longer the walk went. As we turned a corner, there was a woman standing there in an equally elaborate red dress. Spock stopped me. "Do you know what you have to do?" I nodded uncertainly. "I'm going with the high priestess, right?"

"Correctly. We'll meet again soon." He squeezed my hand encouragingly and I slowly walked towards the High Priestess with unsteady steps. "Hello Lieutenant Esteban. I'm High Priestess T'Pau . Do you know what you have to do?" The older Vulcan woman asked me. "Yes. When we start, I have to be the last to follow the group." I answered, out of breath. A gong could be heard in the distance. She nodded. "Then let's get started."

Scotty and Bones got in line behind T'Pau and I followed them last into the small stadium. It was surrounded by high stone walls. A large jade gong hung in the middle; Spock stood patiently by. Standing next to a wall behind Spock were his father and Jim. I stood there, Scotty and Bones at my side, waiting for my turn.

The priestess greeted Spock with the Vulcan salute, which he returned. He knelt before her and placed the fingertips of her right hand right next to his ear. He stood up and looked at his father and Jim. As if on command, they stepped next to him. “As you probably remember, Priestess, this is Captain James Tiberius Kirk and my father is Ambassador Sarek . "I have chosen them to be my witnesses to the ceremony." Spock explained calmly.

"And how do you guarantee their presence?" She asked him.

"With my life." Spock replied firmly.

“What will happen now comes from the beginning of time. It is the volcanic heart, the volcanic soul. It is kal'i'farr*." she began to recite.

Spock slowly walked back to the gong and I followed him. Scotty and Bones stayed where they were supposed to. We stopped briefly in front of the gong. Spock slowly reaching out, giving me time to interrupt him, but I didn't. The deep sound of the gong echoed through the stadium. “As it was destined from the beginning, and it will be for all tomorrow, for you, sa t'hy'la, I will do everything I can." I said in a loud voice and raised two fingers. "Lucy, my k'diwa, from you comes everything that I am." Spock replied and placed his fingers on mine. I pressed sensitively against his fingers.

"As it was in the beginning, so it shall be now." I gently stroked his fingers. Spock took my entire hand in his. "Two bodies, one spirit." He finished the ritual and took me in his arms.

***

After we had completed the ritua, we were led by the priestess to a single small hut at the edge of the rite site. The hut was made of reddish stone with a black roof. The door was made of dark wood and was decorated with volcanic symbols. Small windows nestled between black shutters

A few meters away there were a few benches under a small canopy. Soft pillows were spread across them. A fire burned in the middle. The small square was surrounded by a low blue hedge with red flowers. Plants that were unfamiliar to me were planted loosely around the hut. The priestess opened the door and motioned for us to enter. “We will wait for you here. The bonding ritual is an important part of our culture; correct execution and witnessing are essential. If any difficulties or questions arise, do not hesitate to reveal yourself."

I looked between Jim, Bones, Scotty, Ambassador Sarek , and the priestess with wide eyes.

Witnesses?

But I didn't have time to think about it any further. Spock pulled me into the hut behind him. As soon as the priestess had closed the door behind us, Spock's hands were on mine. "What do you think, k'diwa?" He asked, feeling my confusion and fear through his hands.

"Are the others going to sit out there the whole time?" I looked down and blushed. Just the thought that Spock's father knew what his son was going to do was so embarrassing, that I wanted to sink into the ground. And the possibility that he could hear us... I didn't even want to think about it.

"This ritual is very important to my people." Spock replied. "Do you trust me when I tell you that none of the witnesses present find it strange?"

“You probably don’t believe that yourself. On the other side of that door sits James Tiberius Kirk. How do you think he's going to tease us for the next few months when we go out there again?"

“Jim knows how important my culture is to me. He won't dare joke about it. And if he does, I will use the Vulcan neck hold to silence him." Spock smiled mischievously at me. And the image of Jim passing out on the floor brought a small grin to my face. "Okey. " I breathed. I trusted Spock to stand up for me if Jim did anything. I wasn't worried about Bones and Scotty as they were mostly just dragged into the taunts by Jim. Then I looked Spock in the eyes: "Doesn't it bother you that there are five people out there listening to us having sex?"

Spock smiled with hungry eyes. "On the contrary. I'm happy thinking about everyone now knowing who is claiming you. Let all New Vulkan hear who you belong to. I need you. I want to hear how good I make you feel. I want you to moan louder than you have ever done before. You belong to Me!"

Jesus... Spock during Pon Farr was already a different number. My usually stoic Vulcan now circled me like a hungry lion its prey. His eyes were dark with lust and he was breathing heavily. I felt the desire boiling inside me and pooling between my legs. Without taking his eyes off me, Spock stripped off his ritual clothing until he stood naked in front of me. He then began to pull my dress over my head.

Carelessly dismissing, he pressed his lips hard against mine. He grabbed me by my thighs and lifted me up. A short sound of horror escaped my mouth as my back slammed against the wall. “Sorry, t'hy'la . Did I hurt you?"

"No. It just surprised me." I replied breathlessly. Spock hummed in relief against my lips and kissed my chin, my neck, up to the sensitive spot under my ear. When he sucked the soft skin between his teeth, the first moan escaped me .

" T'hy'la ..." Spock's voice was hoarse and strained. "I can't hold back any longer. Please... allow me to begin the ritual."

"Nafai*." I breathed. As soon as I had agreed, Spock lowered me onto his member. I threw my head back, a loud moan on my lips.

He held me tightly with one arm and didn't move at all. He placed the other on my cheek, ready to merge our consciousnesses together to build the foundation for the bonding ritual. He looked at me expectantly, "Are you ready?"

I nodded and closed my eyes.

He merged our consciousness and our memories blurred together. Then he began to say the ceremonial words in Vulcan. I had made a translation in my language a few days earlier. The priestess had explained to me that it was extremely important for Spock and me to perform the ritual in both languages because we come from different races.

„T'nash-veh k'diwa.

Nash-veh spock ugaya tor kwon-sum tanilau klashausu, ashaya heh savety tor du.

Nash-veh dungi kwon-sum nam-tor tra' na' du tor nenikaya du k'fai ek' ra sarlah.

Tor gol'nev du svi' rom heh svi' rasahkos.

La' nash-veh lamok heh ya'akash du tor kal-tor nash-veh tor nam-tor kashek klimtau k' du na' etwel ha-tor.

Sanoi nem-tor nash-veh u' ish-veh telan katelau.

Etwel tel-tor dungau to'ovau karik abru' wak heh tanilau etek k' ek' wuh a'rak vel ik sarlah k' ha-tor telan."

I answered him in Vulcan to complete his part of the ritual: „Nash-veh lucy nem-tor du u' t'nash-veh telan katelau."

Now it was my turn to say the same words to complete the bonding ritual:

"My beloved.

I, Lucy, promise to always offer you protection, love and security.

I will always be there for you to support you in whatever comes.

To support you in good and bad.

Here I stand and ask you to allow me to merge with you for our lives.

Please accept me as your bonding mate.

Our bond should grow stronger over time and provide us with all the positive aspects that come with a lifelong bond."

Spock replied in my language, ending the ritual. "I, Spock, accept you as my bonding mate." Then he removed his hand from my cheek and I opened my eyes.

" T'hy'la ? " Can you hear me?" I put my hand over my mouth. "Oh my God..." I gasped. “I heard you in my head! It worked!" Spock smiled slightly. "Of course it worked. Did you have any doubts?"

"Just a little." I admitted, watching with relief as his eyes widened as he heard me in his head. "Fascinating," he exhaled, carrying me to the bed.

Only then did I look around the small room. Everything was decorated in orange-brown earth tones. A landscape painting of Vulcan hung in the middle above the bed. Next to the bed were two small, triangular bedside tables and two flower pots with plants I didn't recognize. On the opposite wall there was a brown leather sofa, a glass display case and a small shoe cabinet. To my left was a trellis with an ivy-like plant and a picture of a vulan poem, which I couldn't decipher. Spock sank into the soft mattress with me. The cover was rough against my skin. I suspected it was made from the coarse linen of simple Vulcan clothing.

The change in position caused Spock to penetrate me deeper. "Hmph." I mumbled, trying to muffle my volume with my hand. “K’diwa. Stop hiding. Everyone knows what's happening between us here. Trying to make them believe otherwise is extremely illogical." Spock murmured between gentle kisses. "I know... It's just... This is extremely embarrassing for me. For us humans, intimacy rarely happens in public." I whispered, trying not to blush any further.

"Understandable. We Vulcans are also not a people who openly show affection physically. But this can hardly be called public."

"Still..." I muttered. "It's weird."

"T'hy'la, what can I do to stop you from being embarrassed?" he asked, looking at me intently. His brown eyes were almost completely black. Hunger and worry alternated as if he were himself not sure what he should feel.

I put a hand on his cheek. "Talk to me. Tell me what you think, what you feel, what you want from me to make me forget where we are. Make me feel like there is only you. I want you to own me completely. I want to be completely at your mercy."

" K'diwa ..." Spock groaned, pushing himself onto his hands with his head thrown back. „Oekon du ri tor fai-tor, ra du aishan tor.*"

And then he started moving. He slowly increased the pace until he was thrusting hard and deep into me. He took my hands and held them pressed to the mattress above my head. Like a train crashing into a wall, his emotions rushed through me. His desire was overwhelming and I wondered how he hadn't jumped on me much sooner. " Look at me!" His voice echoed in my head. I opened my eyes and looked at him. "You're only mine, understand?"

I nodded, but that wasn't enough for him.

"Answer me!"

"Yes Commander."

I let my gaze wander over his body. The key to my collar dangled around his neck on a thin silver chain. It stood in stark contrast to his dark, hairy chest. A thin line of hair ran down his stomach to his crotch. As if hypnotized, my gaze remained fixed on the spot where he penetrated me.

As Spock leaned down to kiss me, the key clinked rhythmically against the metal ring around my neck. His mouth traveled over my chin and neck. He stayed just below my ear for a moment before sucking the skin between his teeth. His tongue glided over it again and again causing hot waves of pleasure to run through my body.

"Do you trust me?"

"Yes Commander."

I had no idea what he was planning to do, but I didn't care as long as he didn't stop fucking me. When he bit, I was so surprised that I reared up and let out a scream. Pain shot through my throat, but Spock didn't stop. On the contrary, his movements became faster and his grip on my wrists became stronger. He threw his head back and let a loud growl rumble through his chest. Warm liquid ran down my neck. Was I bleeding? I got the answer when Spock kissed me. I tasted the metallic taste of blood on his lips.

"I'm bleeding!" I accused him telepathically.

“Forgive me, t'hy'la . I didn't mean to..." Worry rose in his mind. "I forgot you were human. What can I do to make it up to you?"

"Fulfill your promise." I grinned diabolically at him as I shared my thoughts with him. "Make me cum. I want everyone to hear how good you fuck me."

"Anything for you t'hy'la ."

He took both of my hands in one and then placed his free fingers on my clit. "I don't want you to hold back, understand?" He panted, his voice strained. "Yes, Commander." I answered obediently.

He slowly circled two of his fingers over my sensitive spot, eliciting a soft moan of pleasure from me. He adjusted his pace to his hand and didn't take his eyes off me. His eyes wandered attentively over my face, my breasts, over his hand on my crotch and back again. The familiar tension began to form in my stomach, indicating that my orgasm was not far away. My legs were shaking and my breathing was heavy, punctuated by ragged moans.

"Spock..." I breathed. "Please... I have to... I can't..."

"Come for me, k'diwa." His fingers increased their pace, the thrusts becoming heavier and deeper. And then the band snapped. I bucked beneath him, lips formed in an O. "Oh God! Spock!" I didn't hold back. My moans were loud and definitely unmistakable to anyone sitting outside or walking by.

"T'hy'la." He called to me in his mind, pressing his forehead hard against mine. His consciousness forced its way into my head. He didn't hold it back and I could see what he saw, felt how hard it was for him to control himself. Spock was on the verge of his orgasm. His entire thinking was animalistic and possessive and I kept catching glimpses of his thoughts. His mind connected and disconnected from mine in waves.

"Mine. I have to..."

Spock closed his eyes. His breathing was heavy and uneven. He reached for my hand, but instead of taking it, I put it to my mouth. I waited until he opened his eyes again and looked at him as I slowly put two fingers in my mouth. I started sucking on them, letting my tongue dance around them. He gritted his teeth hard, his eyes fixed on my mouth and his fingers. I knew what I was doing to him. Vulcan hands and ears were the most sensitive areas. I practically gave him a blowjob. " K'diwa ..."

I took his fingers deeper into my mouth. His movements becoming frantic and it wasn't long before he emptied himself inside me, twitching and growling. With a soft pop I released his fingers from my mouth. But Spock apparently wasn't done with me yet. He forcefully grabbed me by the waist and pulled me down to the edge of the bed.

Then he knelt in front of me. The head between my thighs. Without hesitation he licked my entire entrance once. I reared up and clawed at the bed sheet. Instinctively I tried to close my thighs, but Spock held me tight. He happily pushed his tongue into my entrance and began to collect the mixture of his cum and my wetness in his mouth, then he stood up and leaned over me.

"Open your mouth!" he ordered. I obeyed and he spit everything into my mouth. "You only swallow when I allow you to, understand?"

"Yes Commander."

"Good girl."

A quiet hum could be heard from his chest as he knelt in front of me again. Without warning, he pushed two fingers inside me and wrapped his lips expertly around my clit. I groaned and his sperm ran from the corner of my mouth down my cheek. I quickly swiped it back into my mouth. A knot beginning to build inside me as his ministrations went on. My walls fluttered around his fingers and I twitched under his tongue, my mind completely fogged up. Every time I exhaled; a moan escaped me. Regardless, Spock drove me closer and closer to the edge. It was like he was trying to break a record.

His tongue circled my clit in sloppy figure eights, the fingers massaged my sensitive point in the same rhythm. "Spock!" I called him in my mind. Signaling how close I was.

"Swallow!"

And I swallowed right at the moment the knot burst. I called out his name, gurgling as the wave washed through my body. The edges of my vision went black and I raised my hands, shaking, hoping to hold on to him. As if he sensed it, he was on top of me. He took me in his arms and rolled over onto his back. Exhausted, I collapsed on top of him and snuggled under his chin. His hand gently stroked my back, the other held my head. We lay there for a few moments to regain our strength.

[deepspacedukat]

Hey DSD!

Nonny here, do have a list of any writers you would recommend and maybe even one or two of their fics?

Would love some more reading material and thank you so much if you do end up sharing with me.

Hi Nonny! Absolutely, I do! There are a ton of amazing writers, both here and on AO3, especially for Star Trek since it's such a long-standing fandom. I will absolutely list some of my favorites, but please do not be afraid to explore the tags both on AO3 and here on tumblr, because there are a ton of amazing writers that I haven't encountered yet, and I'm probably leaving some out unintentionally. (I'm so sorry! My memory is like that of a gnat at times!)

Also, on my pinned welcome post under the "Keep Reading" there's a link you can click that will (hopefully) take you to all the posts I've tagged on here as fic recs! So feel free to take a look at that too!

I highly recommend any/all stories by the following authors, and beneath their names I'll list 2-3 of my favorite stories from each:

@creature-of-the-stars - on AO3 here as ToeBeansMcGee

"Weeds Among Stones" <- this is ongoing and brilliant and amazing and i love it 🥰

"Oh, Don't Mind Us" <- this is a oneshot sequel to another favorite called "Be Still" which is a multi-chapter that I adore 🫶

"Keep Your Enemies Closer"; the sequel "Rekkhai"; and the follow-up "Beyond Fortunate" <- just pure perfection *chef's kiss* 🤌

@bigblissandlove1 - on AO3 here as bigblissandlove

"The Raptor's Descent" <- many chapters and it gave us S'Talon and just utterly delicious 😍

"The Assignment" <- a gorgeous oneshot that gave me emotions 😭💖

"Surrender To Me" <- a long oneshot that made me fall in love with a side character 💚

@horta-in-charge - on AO3 here as Horta-In-Charge

"X Minus 1" <- it hab sad, wet-eyed Weyoun, I mean, what more could you want??? 👀💜

"Broken Covenant" <- cannot words enough to praise this sufficiently, so just go read it 🧡

"Fantasy" <- the emotions omfg THE EMOTIONS 😭💖

@starrynightgardens - on AO3 here as jaylens_twin

"Proposition" <- this fic and it's epilogue are gorgeous and I have read it so many times 🫶

"Things Unseen" <- this is an amazing multi-chapter fic and there are so many emotions 💚

"Regenesis" <- I...there are no words, this is so amazing 💜

@leopardcoffee - on AO3 here as Leopardcoffee

"Ashayam, I despise you" <- beautiful, chef's kiss, excellent! 💙

"Maroon" <- it's a wip and a damn good wip 🥰

"On Pause" &lt;- the angst omfg 😭❤️

@crowfootwrites - on AO3 here as CrowfootWrites

"Devotion & Diplomacy" <- as far as I know, this is the first Star Trek fic they've written, and it's an absolutely gorgeous wip 💖

@stay-neurotic - on AO3 here as stayneurotic

"A Prisoner's Needs" <- how do I even words about this??? 🥵💜

The entire "Keevan and the Spy" series <- read the tags before you start; this scratches a very specific itch ❤️

The entire "A Hostage Situation" series <- read the tags before you start; this also scratches a very specific itch 💖

@maybeamultiverse - on AO3 as maybeamultiverse

"A Matter of Security" <- it has young Vreenak, so how could I not adore it??? 💚

"The Vulcan's Limerence" <- Solok/Sisko!!!!! 💙

"War Birds" <- this is honestly such a well-written Letant fic. ngl, the whole fic is fabulous, but the first three chapters live rent-free in my brain and they always will 🥵

@emilie786 - on AO3 as Emilie_786

The entire "Discs" series <- apparently I'm v behind in this series, but I've read the majority of it and I am SO IN LOVE WITH HOW THEY WRITE SHRAN 💙

"Paranoid" <- this is...how do I even describe how much I love this fic??? 🫶

"The Hug" <- god, this is just SO CUTE 🥺

@foreverforty2 - on AO3 as forever_42

"His Eyes Speak" <- read the tags for this one; honestly such an amazing fic! 👀 (have I even talked about this fic here?? if I haven't, then I've been very remiss!) to be completely transparent, I haven't read any of their other works, because (I believe) most of the rest are Star Wars centered, and I don't know pretty much anything about Star Wars.

@indignantlemur - on AO3 as IndignantLemur

"Emigre" <- obviously this is on there. a fabulous fic, excellent, wonderful, stupendous, glorious! if you like Andorians, this is the fic for you! 💙

"The Stars Keep Watch" <- badass Andorian from SNW my beloved 🥰

@sleepycat82 - on AO3 as MeowMeowPowPow

"Grace Under Pressure" <- a gorgeous Letant/Reader/Vreenak fic that deserve a ton of love 💜

"Emergency Surgery" <- istfg one of the few good things to come from PIC is Krinn, and I'm so excited to see where this wip takes his character 👀

"The Wager" <- I literally just saw that this existed and I'm about to go start it. 💚

@ericbogosbian - on AO3 as Vorta_Scholar

"Testing the Effects" <- yes i'm outing myself as a Data smut enjoyer, but this...it's good Data smut 💛

Any of their Sito Jaxa/Vorik works 🫶

"Reprieve" <- omfg this is some good smut that i honestly didn't know I needed til I found it!! 💜

@attention-bajoranworkers - on AO3 as beyond_antares

"Just this once (and then once again)" <- this is a gorgeous wip and it will continue to be gorgeous. Dukat smut, my beloved 💖

"Moments" <- such sweet Malcolm fluff 💙

@schn-tgai-scripted - on AO3 as SchntgaiScripted

"A Good Vulcan Husband" <- this fic has made SUCH A MESS OF ME (in a good way, obviously) 💚

"See A Need" <- this was the first Vorik fic I ever read and I will always recommend it. it has some smut, some feels...i love it 💛

"A Bad Vulcan Prophet" <- read the tags; I...I don't even...I just love it 🖤

@brokenblade-legendarycreature - on AO3 as BrokenBlade

"Exceptional Airs and Dances" <- MORE WIIIINEEE 🍷

"Make It Harder" <- I feel no shame for the copious amount of times I've read this particular Dukat smut 💖

"Spa Service (Relief)" <- I just...yep. 💜

@love-at-first-contact - on AO3 as Graphite_crumble

The entire "Gwemmer" series <- Hemmer and an OC being adorable af. what more could you want??? 🤍

The entire "Vorik and Juna" series <- this pair is just utterly precious. I love them 💛

"Together" <- Vorik/Reader/Taurik fic...omfg I just...I have so many feelings about this 👀

@shibonoku - on AO3 as Shibonoku

Literally any of their Vorik fics. they're just absolutely fabulous 💖

Also, any of their Solok fics 💙

itsthemirrorforme on AO3 (no idea if they have a tumblr tbh)

literally all of them. read the tags first, of course, but all of them!! 💜

WikkityTweak on AO3 (no idea if they have a tumblr)

"Holosuite Number 3" <- This is THE FIC that made me fall in love with Senator Letant 💚 the author mentioned a potential sequel, but they haven't updated since 2016, so...for now i'll simply savor this fic's existence.

"True Weakness" <- this is an awesome Solok fic 🖤

@eyes-of-the-fox - on AO3 as dhiamn_aehallhh

"Small Tales" <- these are gorgeous stories; the Soval/Forrest ones are my favorite 💙

Honestly, all of their Maxwell Forrest/Soval fics are gorgeous 🫶

@the-stags-cave - on AO3 as StagofRomulus - alternately find vem on Quotev here as Stag of Romulus

"Ahr'ehraet Hru'rhaarhno: Season 1" <- half Romulan McCoy!!!!!!! Also McCoy/Spock SCREEEEE 💜

Admittedly I haven't read all of ver works, but vey are such a great writer, I can't help but recommend literally all of those stories!!

[leonsgotit]

jim, slightly drunk: that’s my boyfriend, suckers!!

spock, fond: your husband, ashayam

jim: my husband, even better!

[lesbospirk]

Since I spent time creating Vulcan words just so I can have a petname I liked for T'Lyn to use on Mariner, I thought I'd share for anyone else who cares lmao Read under the cut!

This was mostly for me, since in my head Mari'Lyn doesn't fit the vibe of most Vulcan terms of endearment. I think most terms are very cute and lovey in their reserved way, which is nice, but it doesn't really mesh well with Mariner's commitment issues, and I don't really see T'Lyn being affectionate in a typical (but Vulcan) way. They are both rebels in their own right.

So I started scouring around the Starbase-10's Vulcan dictionary, and I wanted to play on that idea of being a rebel. Turns out there is no official Vulcan word for rebel (at least that I could find). :( Boo.

So I took from words that were similar:

Tehnau- Resist

Tehnaya - Resistance

Cool, now I just have to make it into a descriptor for a person. The word for people/person in Vulcan is Sular. And I saw that a lot of these types of descriptors used -su as a suffix to denote "a person who ___" . So I took the root from both words (Tehna-) and combined it with the prefix and got;

Tehnasu - A person who resists; AKA a Rebel

Awesome! But not quite there. Not romantic enough. I wanted to show some kind of posession in the word.

There isn't a word per say for My however there is a prefix that denotes ownership, that being T' (as seen famously in T'hy'la). Which when added makes T'Tehnasu.

Ugly. Uninspired. Hard to say. Unsexy. So I took the most common Spirk pet name and disected it

Ashayam - Beloved

I split it into two parts; the root Ashaya meaning love and the pulled the suffix -yam implied to be possessive in a specific affectionate context (I know ya is already in Ashaya but it works better imo as the whole syllable rather than just -m). Combined it makes;

Tehnayam - My Rebel (Affectionate)

Beautiful. Sexy. Rolls off the tounge. It kinda has the same vibe as calling someone a bad boy, like a hot rule breaker type. I think it's very fitting and I am really excited to use it in a fic. <3

And if you like it, use it! I'm not claiming ownership, and I'm not gonna get upset at people for using it (even if it's not Mari'Lyn haha). I just love messing with words/language and I wanted to share since Vulcan has so little petnames in it.

[thiawen]

Febuwhump Day 6

Prompt: “You Lied To Me”

Fandom: Star Trek TOS

Warning: Previous Established Relationship, Implied Breakup (Gol)

@febuwhump

“Why are you here, Spock?”

Jim’s arms are crossed defensively, his posture wary and closed off. Spock feels his heart clench in his side.

“I am here for you, Jim.” It is a fact. The fact by which Spock centers his life.

“After all this time? Try again.”

“I am telling the truth,” he insists.

“No,” Jim tells him firmly, anger flaring across his face. “You don’t get to do this. It’s been years, Spock.”

“I am aware,” he acknowledged.

“Are you?” he questions. “Because I get the impression that you think you can just pick up where you left off and I assure you that’s not the case.”

“Do you no longer love me, Ashayam?” The grief he felt at such a thought was overwhelming.

“Do not!” Jim jabbed a finger in his direction. “You left me! Just walked out the door without a single damn word or explanation!”

“I made an error in judgement,” he confessed.

“An error?” Jim scoffed, turning to pace with frantic energy. “You lied to me. You promised you would stay by my side. I believed you. How could I not? You’re Vulcan. And after everything we’ve been through together, of course I trusted you. And you lied to me!”

“T’hy’la…” Spock reached for him, as he once had years ago, desperate to comfort him.

“No!” Jim flinched back, as if from a blow. “Don’t touch me!”

Spock stepped away, stunned and heartsick. Jim heaved hitching breaths. His eyes welled with tears.

“You told me once,” he gasped, tears escaping, “that what you felt for me made you ashamed. I didn’t take it seriously - you weren’t in your right mind. More fool me. I should have realized then.”

“No, Jim.” Spock reached out with pleading hands, willing Jim to see his sincerity. Jim backed away and wrapped his arms around himself, a gesture of self comfort.

“I was the fool. Running from you, from our love, is the most shameful thing I have ever done. I was…afraid of what I felt for you. But I am not afraid anymore. Please. Give me, give us, another chance.”

Jim was shaking his head. “How can I?” he sobbed. “I gave you every piece of me, Spock. And you…” he stopped, wiping futilely at his eyes.

“I never meant to hurt you.” Spock promised.

Jim laughed wetly. It was not a mirthful sound. “That’s a lie, too.” he accused. “You knew. You knew you were breaking my heart. You left anyway.”

“I love you.” Spock insisted. “You may doubt the integrity of my words. That is my fault. But I love you. I will always love you.”

Jim is shaking his head again. “You loved me then. You were ashamed of me, too. And in the end your shame was stronger than any love you felt for me.”

“No,” he denied. “Jim, that is not true. I was not ashamed of you.”

“I can’t…” Jim trembled where he stood. “I can’t do this.” He lurched for the door.

“Jim,” Spock grabbed him by the arm. He used his other hand to cup Jim’s cheek, a thumb delicately brushing away tears. “I will fight for us. For you. I will never stop.”

Jim slipped from his grasp and disappeared through the door.

[celestialvoyeur]

💛💙SPIRK FIC REC💙💛

‘On My Lips’ is a TOS fic with a delightful slow burn and lots of nice domestic ships business.

Spock, in a moment of distraction followed by deep mortification, accidentally calls Jim “Ashayam” while on the bridge. Lucky for him the captain doesn’t speak Vulcan and brushes it off, but Uhura knows, she KNOWS! 😂

[kiran-wears-science-blues]

i'm very glad you are online to see my fictional crush poll because i didn't compose it FOR you and that guy from buffy i only know about from your tumblr circa [years redacted], but i definitely thought of you before i hit post

LMAO I am so glad my legacy endures. Fun fact! My now-wife and I met when she commented on my Andrew Wells fanfiction that she related to Andrew SO much. I'm not sure what exactly that means in response to your poll but I feel like it's relevant.

[flippyspoon]

Unfathomable Emotionality

Note: TOS Spirk ficlet. I GOT YOUR FLUFF RIGHT HERE.

Jim read the memo again as an increasingly queasy feeling settled into his stomach.

Jim,

Subspace comm tomorrow at 1600. I need to talk to you due to concerning reports from crew regarding fraternization.

Best,

Bob

Bob was Admiral Robert Thorne. He had taught Jim at the academy and taken him under his wing. As a result, Jim had a comfortable relationship with the admiral, enough that they often gossiped about goings on in Starfleet.

But the memo was more than a little alarming.

This is it, Jim thought. They know about me and Spock and they’re putting the hammer down.

Jim worried about the memo for the rest of the day, and that evening as he shared dinner with Spock in his quarters–their routine habit since entering into a romantic relationship–Spock attempted to calm him down to no avail.

“The memo was not at all specific,” Spock pointed out. “It may concern other crew members.”

“And if it doesn’t?” Jim stabbed at his Pad Thai noodles. “Then what? They split us up? I can’t… Spock, I know it’s what other people do. But…”

Spock reached across the table and covered Jim’s hand with his own.

“I know, ashayam. It would not be acceptable to be parted. We may be able to convince them that allowing us to remain as we are is in their best interest.”

“Reports from crew, he said.” Jim shook his head. “Are we so blinded by our own happiness we can’t see that we’ve created a problem on the ship?”

“I might have seen the logic in a memo concerning our relationship,” Spock allowed. “But the way this memorandum is worded… I did not expect it.”

“It would be hard coming from Bob,” Jim said sadly. “Always liked Bob.”

The next day, Jim couldn’t help but sense a tension from the bridge crew, as if everyone knew what was coming. Uhura wore a tight smile and kept asking him how he was doing. Sulu wouldn’t quite look him in the eye. Chekov kept stifling a chuckle, which seemed hurtfully incongruous.

But Jim got through the day as he always did. Survey of an M-Class. Nothing of note really, outside some fungus growths that Spock took great interest in.

At 1600 hours Jim sat down in front of his comm screen and sighed heavily.

“Jim!” Bob seemed very cheerful when he popped up on screen and Jim didn’t know what to make of it. “How the hell are ya?”” “Uh…good. I think I’m…” Jim shrugged. If not for this anxiety-inducing meeting, he would have said he was happier than he could have imagined ever being. “Think I’m great? How are you?”

“Oh boy, busy as ever. One thing after another.” Bob looked away at a PADD, frowning. “What is this, what is this… Sorry, I’ve been in back to back meetings like this all day. If it isn’t one thing it’s- oh! Okay. Well, yes, I suppose you’re very happy.”

Bob folded his hands and fixed Jim with an unreadable expression.

Jim didn’t know how to interpret this.

Was this sarcasm?

He felt he had to take the whole thing dead serious and sat up straight in his seat. “I am, Bob. And…I just want you to know, whatever this is, I’m going to fight it. Spock and I both will. So give me your best shot.”

Bob’s mouth turned down and he blinked at Jim. “Gosh, Jim. Aggressive! Alright, uh… how does one month leave sound? It’s more than we usually give for this kind of thing. But, considering your performance, I don’t think anyone will mind.”

My performance.

Jim’s heart sank.

He had thought the Enterprise under his command had been doing some pretty incredible work.

Apparently, Starfleet did not agree. And rules were rules.

“Forced leave,” Jim murmured. “God, Bob. Won’t there be a hearing or something?”

Bob opened his mouth, closed it, and then it twisted rather comically. He scratched his head. “Forced leave? Jim, what the hell are you talking about? Don’t you want to take a honeymoon with Spock?”

“Ah…uh…um.” Jim stared at Bob. He heard his own heartbeat start to race almost painfully. “I’m sorry. Um. What the hell is happening?”

“I’m not sure?” Bob said, chuckling. “Jim, I’ve been corresponding with Spock for a while now and- oh God, how rude of me. My congratulations on your engagement. About time, I would say. Everybody on Starbase 1 is so happy for you. I think they threw a party in San Francisco when they heard the news hahah! Anywho, I got…boy oh boy, let’s see here…” Bob glanced at his PADD again. “Close to twenty communications from your crew demanding that you and Spock get a proper honeymoon, and some were even concerned there’d be trouble with the higher-ups, captain and XO getting hitched and all that. But you know as well as I do how loosey goosey the rules are, especially these days. I mean, ha! We can’t very well send you on a five-year mission and expect people not to end up in relationships! Now a captain and XO? Sure, it’s unusual. But we’re not looking to break what’s fixed. Jim? You okay? You look a little dazed. Were you not planning on a honeymoon? Of course, it’s up to you two. But I just assumed…”

Jim attempted to speak. “Ah…uh… You’ve been…” His voice came out about three octaves too high. He cleared his throat and tried again. “You’ve been corresponding with Spock?”

“Oh God.” Bob’s eyes went wide. “Oh my God. Oh, my wife is going to absolutely kill me. He didn’t ask yet, did he? Jim, he told me he was going to do it…” Bob typed on his PADD and gasped. “Oh no. Not for another week. Oh, Jim. I am so sorry. What a dunderhead.”

“He’s going to…” Jim thought he might be floating. “Spock is going to propose to me? Your memo… Bob, your memo said there were reports from the crew concerning fraternization-”

“Oooh. I worded that badly, didn’t I?”

Jim was due back to the bridge at the end of the meeting which culminated in a dozen apologies from Bob and assurances that he and Spock would get as much leave as they required if they did choose to honeymoon.

He rode the turbo-lift in a daze and didn’t realize that a few tears of pure joy had slid down his cheeks until he tasted the salt on his lips. He wiped them away, attempting to compose himself.

But as we walked out on the bridge, everyone was staring at him, and Spock’s expression darkened.

McCoy stood near the science station too, inexplicably. He coughed. “Everything okay, Captain?”

Bones raised two thumbs up, smiling with teeth.

McCoy knew?!

“Y-yes.” Jim looked to Spock, unable to keep his expression neutral. He physically could not stop grinning. “Everything is…very good. Excellent. I think?”

Uhura nudged Spock. “Just do it now, dummy!’ She hissed.

“Captain,” Spock said, neutral as ever. “May I speak to  you in your ready room for a moment?”

Everyone inhaled.

Sulu was audibly crying. 

“Of course. Mr. Spock, of course.”

“Hikaru, zamolchi!” Chekov whispered, punching Sulu’s shoulder.

In Kirks ready room, Spock gave nothing away. At least, initially.

“I had hoped Admiral Thorne’s memo was regarding an issue among the crew unknown to me. It was as ambiguous to me as it was to you, sir.”

“Spock?” Jim couldn’t stop himself. He rested his hands on Spock’s shoulders and brought him close. “I didn’t think… We never discussed it. Given the traditions among Vulcans, I thought… I just thought it wasn’t in the cards.”

“I planned it so carefully,” Spock said, frowning. “We already share a potentially powerful bond. I wanted to alert Starfleet to my plans, only to ensure an adequate period of leave. This would give us time to settle into our final bonded state as…” Spock swallowed.

“As a married couple?” Jim whispered.

“Yes, Jim.” Spock rested his hands on Jim’s hips. “That was my intention. As this is already quite out of the realm of Vulcan rites, I thought you might enjoy a traditional human ceremonial rite for our wedding. I requested McCoy’s assistance in the matter. How the others became aware of my plans, I cannot say. But logically, we can assume he is to blame. However, I imagine he will be your best man. So I suppose I cannot banish him from the wedding party.”

“Spock,” Jim said. “Yes?”

“You haven’t asked me yet.”

“Ah.” Spock’s brow furrowed, his mouth a tight line. “I…I had prepared an elegant presentation as to why a permanent union with me would be in your best interest-”

“I’m sure it was an hour long,” Jim said, nodding. He whispered in Spock’s ear, “Just say it, sweetheart.”

“Jim…I… “ Spock took a deep breath. “Will you marry me, t’hy’la?”

Jim kissed him and whispered against his lips, “Yes, I will.”

Jim wrapped him in a hug and felt how Spock could no longer disguise his emotion. He held Jim tightly, pressing his fingers to Jim’s psi points and whimpering when he got a glimpse of the explosion of joy within him. “Jim.”

“I love you, Spock,” Jim whispered, and kissed his ear. “What else could I have said?”

“I am…” Spock had to pause for a moment to gather himself. “I am gratified. Especially, as I have already alerted my mother. And I believe she has already contacted your mother.”

“Oh, boy.”

When they finally walked out on the bridge, the crew stared at them, clearly on the edge of their figurative seats.

“Vell?” Chekov threw up his hands. 

Kirk shrugged, all innocence, and looked to Spock who agreeably raised a guileless eyebrow. “Well, what? I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

“Jim,” Bones growled. “Captain, I swear to God, if you don’t put us out of our misery-”

“I already bought a dress!” Uhura said.

Kirk sat in his chair and cleared his throat, winking at Spock who headed straight to his station. “Course heading, Mr. Sulu?”

“Starbase Six as ordered, Captain,” Sulu said, mournfully. “Warp impulse two.”

“Very good. Thank you.” He smiled to himself and finally said, “Also, Mr. Spock and I are to be married so-”

Everyone screamed.

“We will advise as to the pending nuptials-”

“Utterly unfathomable emotionality,” Spock grumbled.

“Shut up, it’s beautiful!” Bones said, weeping on Spock’s shoulder.

[ialwayscomewhenyoucall]

In All Seasons, or None

“Do you miss Vulcan?”

Jim and Spock are sitting at the end of a small wooden dock, bare feet dangling just above the lapping water. It’s unusual, this time away from the Enterprise; this time is exceptional for the small fact that Jim convinced Spock to leave his work on the ship. He doesn’t even have a PADD with him.

There’s a nearly imperceptible movement from Spock, one Jim recognizes as Spock’s version of a shrug. “It is merely a place,” Spock says evenly.

The noise Jim makes is perilously close to a snort. “It’s your home, Spock. It’s not just a place. It’s experiences, memories, people.”

“I sometimes miss my mother,” Spock concedes. He stares out across the water, fingers reflexively seeking out Jim’s hand for brief contact. “My relationship with Sarek is…”

“Complicated,” Jim says, bumping their shoulders together.

“And you, ashayam?”

“I don’t miss Vulcan much at all,” Jim quips; this startles a rare, true smile from Spock. He leans into Spock again, relishing even the brief contact. “When we’re on the ship I don’t miss Earth. Not often, anyway. It’s days like this that remind me what it was like to have solid ground under my feet, day in and day out.” He leans back onto his hands to look at the cloudless, bright blue sky. “That makes it sound—” A strangled sound escapes his lips. “I loved Iowa, especially in spring. Cold melting away to reveal tiny green shoots of grass, spring flowers pushing up through the snow, the buds on the trees so bright it hurt my eyes. Summer was warm and full of fresh air and getting into trouble, but the coming of spring was always my favorite.”

“You miss the changing seasons,” Spock says.

“Yes.” He closes his eyes, remembering the reds and golds of autumn, the greens of spring, the bright blue of summer. He doesn’t dwell on the soft white of winter—he’s never liked the cold—but he does have fond childhood memories of stomping across a field of freshly fallen snow to leave his mark on an untouched world. It was partly that joy that morphed into wanting to step on strange new worlds, to place his feet where no human had been before.

“The Enterprise is my home,” Jim says. “You are my home.”

“And you are mine—in all seasons, and in the dark of space.”

**

31 days of ficmas, day 14 - season

[leopardcoffee]

Ashayam, I despise you

Captain Solok/Reader

🫧Warnings: None

🫧Notes: Reader is Female, but is mostly referred to in the 2nd person, possible typos 

~

Captain Solok could say with confidence that he hated deep space nine. The fact that he had to dock the T’Kumbra here for repairs was loathsome. The station was full of humans, including Captain Sisko, with whom he had a personal conviction.

As...displeasing as Sisko’s presence on the station was, there was a human here he despised even more. Years ago, he had challenged her to a wrestling match in an attempt to replicate his findings from his match with Sisko, and she had declined his offer. To this day, her audacity stuck with him, and he was nothing if not determined to prove to his fellow Vulcans that humans had no right to such audacity.

The incessant beeping from his PADD dragged him from his thoughts, and Solok started towards the maintenance bay, he would oversee his ship’s repairs himself. He dodged humans as he walked, determined to keep his distance. Internally, he grimaced. The Vulcan-run station was more than 50 light years away, which meant he was forced to let humans repair his precious ship. It didn’t help that deep space nine was absolutely teeming with them and other species alike. He hadn’t been giving it any attention, but he had seen a klingon and several ferengi as well.

He weaved through DS9’s hall’s, keeping his eyes trained on his PADD. He had pulled up her updated starfleet profile. Y/N L/N, rank: Captain, command: USS Resurgent- prototype model. The fact that she had command of a more advanced starship than him irked him to no end. He had 2 Christopher Pike medals of valor, it should be him in the captain’s chair, not some foolish human. It was only logical that a superior being should command a superior ship, but starfleet command’s decisions were seldom logical.

He reached the maintenance bay, intent on speaking with the chief engineer, or whoever was overseeing his ship’s repairs. Solok handed his PADD to a human in yellow, who took it silently to another officer.

At least some of them are tolerable.

He stuck around for a few more minutes, satisfied his ship was being treated well, and was preparing to leave when he stopped dead in his tracks. She was unmistakable, everyone knew who she was, so naturally he did as well. Solok felt himself tense as she turned to face him. She had been speaking with another engineer about something or other, their laughter would have annoyed him, had he not been Vulcan.

He hadn’t seen her in many years, not since she’d gotten her new command. Her face flashed with surprise, before settling into a smirk. After all these years it still amazed him just how quickly humans changed emotions. She placed her PADD in the hands of some ensign and started towards him. He turned and started walking in the other direction, hoping to get away from her before any confrontation could take place.

“Solok! Long time no see, eh? How have you been?” She called after him, and Solok knew his escape was for nought. Breathing deeply, he turned to face her, she had always tested his composure.

“Captain L/N, it is agreeable to see you. I understand you are in command of the Resurgent, are you not?”

She strolled up to him and leaned obnoxiously on his shoulder.

“Yeah, I am, ‘heard we were up for the same promotion too, pity. She really is impressive, holds steady at warp 9.95.” She grinned innocently up at him, the smugness in her voice made his hands shake.

“Yes, it really is a fine ship, however I am fine with my command on the T’Kumbra at present.” He started walking, to where he wasn’t sure, but she followed.

“Are you though? From what I heard you were ecstatic to be up for a promotion to the Resurgent, or were you just saying that to make me mad?” She trailed after him.

Solok felt a muscle under his eye twitch, because of course she knew that he had wanted that command. He was certain it was his, her arrogance tested his patience.

“I was not ‘ecstatic’, unlike you simple humans, I am not handicapped by such unsightly emotions. Your hubris is not becoming of a starfleet individual, much less a captain. With your frivolity and natural inclination towards the unimportant and meaningless, not to mention how erratic you can be, i’m astonished you were even given command of a starship. Honestly, starfleet command’s decision to promote you was foolish at best, and a fatal mistake at worst. A prototype model with a human in command? A project destined to fail. Not to mention it’s you, starfleet will be lucky if they even get the Resurgent back in one piece. Such a tragic waste of an incredible ship, it had such potential. I could have made Resurgent Starfleet's greatest accomplishment since the NX-01, but alas as you humans say, some things just aren’t meant to be. You’re right, it is a pity such a magnificent ship has to go to waste before you finally get demoted, humans have no place in the captain’s chair.”

He turned to her when she didn’t respond, and found her clenching her fists, eyes trained on the ground.

“Solok,” she said, her voice quiet. When she looked up at him he barely caught himself from doing a double take. If looks could kill, he’d have been disintegrated- he’d struck a cord.

“I know you wanted that promotion, I know you think I don’t deserve it, I know you believe humans are a foolish waste of air, but I never wanted it to be hostile between us.” She paused, he could tell she was shaking. “I was going to ask if you might like to come tour the Resurgent, even accompany us briefly while your ship was under repair, but clearly I bore you to death with my very presence in this system.” She sighed, and unclenched her fists, her whole body going slack.

“Well I won’t take up any more of your morning, clearly you have more important things to do than waste your precious time with me. Good day.” She walked past him without so much as a glance, brushing past him and disappearing around a corner, and left Solok standing by himself.

He straightened himself, trying to ignore the feelings in the pit of his stomach.

It’s nothing, you’re being illogical, control yourself. Her feelings are obsolete.

He started back down the hall, towards his quarters. L/N’s reaction had not been what he expected. Had he not been a Vulcan, he would have felt almost… guilty about what he’d said. They’d verbally sparred many times before, and traded their fair share of insults, but clearly he had gone too far this time, she might even go so far as to report him to starfleet command. He needed to meditate, and maybe have a drink.

-

Y/N dodged people as she made her way back to her quarters. She has authorized shore leave for her crew and docked the Resurgent for a warp core overhaul and weapons diagnostic. She’d hoped to find Captain Solok here, she’d heard he had docked the T’Kumbra here for repairs and had gotten here as fast as she could.

You had genuinely wanted to take Solok with you out on the Resurgent, you knew how disappointed he’d been when you had gotten the promotion instead of him.Your feet carried you to your door, and you stepped inside. You’d been given captain’s quarters, naturally. You glanced around the spacious room, before choosing the bed to collapse on.

Of course Solok was just as standoffish as he’d always been, what reason did you have to believe he’s changed? You felt your throat close up and your eyes water, you hadn’t wanted it to be like this. You closed your eyes to keep the tears from falling.

You’d known Solok for years, and naturally you’d heard all about his Vulcan supremacy papers. Poor Captain Sisko, you couldn’t imagine how humiliating it must have been to be the primary subject of so many of them.

You sighed, staring up at the ceiling. Solok and you had met when you were both recalled to Earth for some briefing or another- you couldn’t remember. He’d seemed friendly enough for a Vulcan, so you’d thought nothing of his indifferent demeanor. The two of you had spoken a few times over the few days you’d been there, and he’d seemed agreeable enough, not to mention you’d been physically attracted to him. He was everything you desired in a man, intelligent, reasonable, quiet, in him you saw no flaws.

The wonderful illusion had been shattered when a fellow officer had seen you talking with him and pulled you aside, and told you all about his stance on Vulcan supremacy.

You’d gone back to your quarters that night in disbelief. You’d read his papers, disgusted with Solok and with yourself for being so interested in him. He’d challenged you to a wrestling match later that week, and you remembered the paper he’d written on a match he’d had with Sisko. You had declined him, and left shaking. ‘Emotionally handicapped’ he’d called him in his paper. He truly believed Vulcans were superior to every other race, you cringed just thinking about it.

The two of you had had several run-ins since then, and each time you were left shuddering in his wake, your feelings growing harder and harder to ignore. He’d insulted you, disrespected you, belittled your entire species, and yet, you still found yourself returning to your quarters and collapsing into bed, your feelings for him overwhelming.

You flung yourself upwards, done with thinking about him for now, he’d tormented your mind for years, no sense in letting him have any more of your time- you were too good for him. That rotten Vulcan, if he thought his species was so above engaging with simple-minded humans, he had the nerve to bar any from serving on his ship.

Two can play at that game

-

Solok’s eyes snapped open, he was sick of meditating. It clearly wasn’t helping and he had other things to be doing. L/N had been in his thoughts since their encounter earlier. His… quarrels with her had always left him disoriented, and he supposed it didn’t help that she was aesthetically pleasing to him. In all their past encounters, never had he truly regretted anything he had said. Perhaps he had been too brash with her, after all, humans were known to be fragile.

Solok had known Y/N for years, they’d met shortly after his match with Sisko, and in her he’d seen an opportunity to advance his studies in humans and their frivolous nature. Despite her emotional tendencies, she’d never irked him like the other humans did, not until she had denied his challenge as though she thought herself better than him. He’d spent the better part of a week or so regularly conversing with her during a briefing at starfleet command, and had found her surprisingly agreeable. They’d bumped into each other several times after that on various occasions, and each time she piqued his interest. As disgusted with himself as he was, over the years he’d found himself almost looking forward to their encounters. She tested his patience, his wit, sometimes even his intelligence. After spending months in space, their occasional verbal spar always left him feeling invigorated.

Y/N L/N was intriguing to him to say the least. As much as he’d wanted the Resurgent for himself, he’d rather she have it than any of the other flailing humans up for the promotion. If it had to be given to anyone other than him, she was unfortunately the most logical choice for the post. An experienced captain despite her humanity; Agreeable, for the most part, intelligent, logical even. Good at managing her crew, a brilliant strategist, an excellent negotiator, in his eyes she was the most adequate human the Vulcans had ever come across.

Astute, well-informed, articulate, cooperative… sharp, eloquent,…beautiful...

His thoughts were illogical, his lack of meditation was affecting his thought process, that was it. His opinion on L/N’s physical appearance was of no consequence. He stood up and found his PADD, again pulling up her starfleet profile. He scrolled past all her basic information and found her accomplishments. What he found threatened to break his control. He clenched his fist hard enough to draw blood.

She had two Christopher Pike medals of valor as well. A human was as decorated as he was? And for what? What worth did his medals hold if humans held them too? He felt devalued, like he had been lowered to fit a standard unbecoming of him.

Solok could have smashed is PADD. Among her many accomplishments, including a frankly obnoxious number of awards, titles, and medals, he found that she had graduated from the academy in the 96th percentile and published several papers on everything from human psychology to abstract warp theory. After skimming several, he was unsettled with the conclusion that her intelligence and accomplishments matched his own.

But how? I am in control, with logic I can succeed, emotions are a disadvantage. How can she be an equal to me? Humans are stunted by their emotional nature, it prevents growth, prevents success. And yet, she has me matched in every category, beaten me in promotion and made a name for herself as captain of starfleet’s most powerful prototype. She accomplished all that, despite existing with her emotions. So is it possible that...no, logic is the only path to success.

Solok’s PADD beeped and he was drawn from his thoughts. For the best he assumed, the path they were following was dangerous. He furrowed his brows at what he saw, a transfer notice.

Dear Captain Solok, Since you clearly can’t stand humans, I figured one of my bridge officers couldn’t either, I'm sure he’ll be pleased to be posted aboard your ship. File attached: Ensign T’Lok

Oh she wasn’t serious. Having a problem with him warranted transferring a Vulcan ensign from her ship? She had no right to do so, and he would take it up with her personally.

-

You strolled onto the bridge of the Resurgent, you had never seen it this empty. Most of the crew was on shore leave, but you had left a small skeleton crew in rotation to oversee repairs. You located ensign T’Lok, still riding on your bitterness from earlier.

“Ensign.”

T’Lok stood up from his station. “Captain, can I assist you with anything?” You could have almost mistaken his tone of voice for surprise. You hadn’t interacted with him individually at all since he’d been posted as your comm officer, it wasn’t any wonder he was curious as to why his captain had gone out of her way to come and see him.

“At ease Ensign, I have some news for you.”

“Captain?”

“You’re being transferred. The T’Kumbra is stationed here for repairs, Captain Solok will be your commanding officer. Since he’s so sure you Vulcans just can’t bear to be around us feeble minded humans, i’m certain he’ll be happy to have you there.” You handed him a PADD with his transfer information. He took it hesitantly.

“But Captain, I didn’t put in for a transfer request, has my work been unsatisfactory?”

“No, your work has been exceptional and frankly I’d like to keep you, but it seems your Vulcan counterparts have other ideas about where you’ll be most useful. Your transfer should be completed by the end of the week, effective immediately.”

“But Captain-” He protested.

“No buts T’Lok, immediately.”

“Yes, Captain, but if I may ask, why?”

“Because I need to prove a point to someone, I’ll get you back from him, don’t worry.”

With that you left, you had no reason to oversee a warp core overhaul, and you couldn’t wait to rub it in Solok’s smarmy face that you’d transferred a Vulcan off your ship.

It doesn’t feel good, but it’s payback for all the humans he had transferred, he deserves it.

With your revenge solidified, you couldn’t help but feel bad for T’Lok. You hadn’t been lying when you said you’d like to keep him, he was a good comm officer with an ear for new languages, but you needed to prove a point.

-

Solok had been combing DS9 all day looking for you, and was getting a little more than fed up with the results. He couldn’t believe her nerve, transferring the only Vulcan officer on her ship off because he had merely pointed out that it should be a Vulcan in command? She’d never get away with this. But nonetheless, it was late and after his failure of a meditation earlier, he would need extra time to prepare himself for whatever atrocities awaited him tomorrow.

As soon as he got back to his quarters, he swapped his captain’s uniform for a meditation robe and placed his PADD as far away from him as possible, lest she contact him. He lit his meditation candles and sat down, ready to purge his mind of the day’s events.

As much as he attempted to focus, for the second night in a row he failed to quiet his mind, even with the extra hour or so he had for himself. His thoughts were erratic, emotions too close to the surface, he kept replaying the arguments he’d had with Y/N over the past few days, and again he felt that awful feeling curling in his stomach.

Guilt.

He’d never felt guilty about telling off humans before, after all, he’d written several papers on why Sisko was the prime example of humanity’s inferiority, but he had never felt bad about it before. Upon reflection, his displeasure with her transferring the Vulcan off her ship, how unfair it felt for her to single out a crewman who had nothing to do with their feud and punish him, must be how the humans felt when they read his papers, heard his remarks, got his transfer notices. It dawned on him that of course they were upset, he’d automatically assumed from one isolated incident that an entire species was beneath his own.

That’s not very logical, more data would be required to draw that conclusion, and Ms. Y/N certainly does not support that conclusion. I have interacted with her several times, and I have never found her to be irrational. She may be emotional, impulsive, quarrelsome, but evidently she is sound enough to command a starfleet prototype. So naturally, the only logical conclusion is that my initial assessment of humans was...incorrect.

Solok opened his eyes. He was no fool, even Vulcans could be wrong about some things. Humans still puzzled him, but perhaps he should have given them another chance to prove themselves. He supposed they had no reason to do so, a human proposed the idea of the thriving federation his people now belonged to. Even if he didn’t understand them, he had several apologies he believed he owed.

He glanced at the clock, it was far too late to hunt down both Y/N and Sisko, he’d have to deal with it tomorrow, perhaps he could convince Y/N to commute T’Lok’s transfer. Or maybe neither of them would believe him, he was well aware that once trust with a human is broken, action is required to regain that trust. He would find her first thing tomorrow and rectify the situation, but for now he needed sleep.

Solok got up and blew out his meditation candles, feeling his exhaustion with every step he took. He collapsed rather unceremoniously into bed and immediately fell asleep. - He opened his eyes, smiling at who he saw lying next to him. Y/n smiled and brushed his hair from his face. She looked even more radiant than when he had seen her earlier, he hadn't thought that was possible. He reached for her and pulled her into his arms, and she put her arms around him. He pressed his face into her neck and grinned.

“Awww, are you smiling honey?”

“No, certainly not, what gave you that idea?”

She threw her head back and laughed. “I thought Vulcans never lied!”

“We do not.”

“Yes, you do.”

He sighed and pulled her closer. “Ashayam a’ duna, I always tell the truth.” -

Solok shot up in bed, breathing hard. Ashayam a’ duna, one did not say those words lightly. Beloved wife. He had no right to have such thoughts about one of his colleagues, much less a human. And yet, he found himself replaying his dream in his head, over and over. He closed his eyes, he would like for her to be his wife, but that was both impossible and illogical, he was too established as a Vulcan supremacist to take a human for a wife, it would be best for him to go back to sleep.

He acknowledged that thought, and got up anyway.

“Computer, lights 50%”

He looked in his closet for something other than his captain’s uniform or sleepwear. He hadn’t exactly anticipated needing civilian clothing, but he had brought some anyway, a traditional vulcan robe would do for now.

Solok reached for his PADD and found several reports waiting for him, he would find somewhere quiet to sit and work on them, he just needed to be out of his quarters. His mind was unsettled, some quiet work time would rectify that, he figured.

-

You leaned back in your desk chair, finally finished with your reports for the evening. You rubbed your eyes, it was late, and you were restless. You still felt guilty for what you’d done to T’Lok, and all to prove a point to someone who couldn’t care less about what you thought.

And yet I still try to prove myself to him. He’ll never care what I think, much less care for me the way I care for him.

The clock on your desk chimed, signaling it was two in the morning. With a sigh, you got up from your desk and stretched. The options for things to do at this time of night were slim, anyone on the station with a shred of sense was likely asleep.

You opted to swap your captain's uniform for a pair of pants and a knit sweater, hopefully none of your crewmembers would run into you dressed like this, how unbecoming. But oh well, you guessed it didn’t really matter if you did, and you really needed to stretch your legs, so it was worth the risk. You looked at the book on your desk, Pride and Prejudice, you’d been meaning to finish it, so you took it with you.

You opened the door to your quarters and looked both ways before slipping down the hall, satisfied no one had seen you. Book in hand, you made your way promenade, in search of somewhere quiet to work.

Upon finding a table to sit at, you removed your bookmark and resumed your reading. The words on the pages started to blur together as your mind wandered.

Mr. Darcy was in many ways reminiscent of Solok. A prejudiced man with a frigid exterior and you hoped, a heart of gold buried inside. If Solok was as akin to Mr. Darcy as you imagined he was, then perhaps there was a chance he could find it in himself to move beyond his prejudice and allow you to help him. But alas, Mr. Darcy was the pinnacle of finery, elegance, and class. Solok was someone who deserved only the best, an equal to him in every way, and you were no Elizabeth Bennet.

-

Solok walked down the promenade, making a short mental note of in what order he would do his reports. He had rounded a corner and was surprised to see Y/N, out of uniform and reading by herself, looking rather forlorn. He stalled momentarily, unsure if his presence would be welcome after what he had said, but decided now was as good a time as any to set things right between them.

He stared at her for a moment longer, almost content to just stand and look at her forever, Her hair brushed past her shoulders and her reading glasses rested on the edge of her face, her skin glowed in the dim light and she looked like how he imagined an Earth angel. She was yet to notice him, as assumed.

With a deep breath, he walked over to her as silently as possible.

“Ms. Y/N.” He said quietly.

She jumped, clearly not expecting anyone else to be around. He observed her cheeks darken when she noticed it was him.

“Solok, sorry, I wasn’t expecting to see anyone. What keeps you up so late.” She gestured to the chair opposite her, any of the sadness or resentment she had expressed earlier seemingly forgotten.

He sat down and placed his PADD on the table.

“I apologize for disturbing you, I had hoped to work on some of my reports, but I'm afraid I won’t be very useful this evening.”

She sighed and bookmarked her page. “Well, I’m not really paying any attention to this anyway. Have you heard of it? Pride and Prejudice, by Jane Austen, a classic really, it’s a crying shame no one reads anymore.”

Solok raised an eyebrow, he’d heard of this human novel before, but had forgone reading it because it was a human work.

“I have, but I have never found the time to read it before. Would you... mind telling me the premise?”

At this she looked surprised, but happily obliged him.

“Well, it’s about a woman named Elizabeth Bennet, and a man named Mr. Darcy moves into his estate in their town. Mr. Darcy’s friend, Mr. Bingley, takes a liking to Elizabeth’s sister, Jane. He comes around to see her and brings Darcy with him. Elizabeth thinks Darcy is a rich, entitled, prideful snob, and Darcy thinks Elizabeth is a headstrong, emotional, prejudiced peasant.”

She looks up at him, and he signals her to continue. He was surprised, in truth it didn’t sound all that bad, had he read it he might have even enjoyed it.

“Darcy eventually realizes he doesn’t hate Elizabeth, he loves her. She matches his dry wit and his sharp tongue. He tells her so, and she is appalled. She still hates him, and is thoroughly shocked with what he said. Elizabeth’s other sister elopes with another man, and Darcy pays for the wedding despite the fact that he hates the groom, as a discreet act of kindness towards Elizabeth, because even after her rejection he still loves her. Elizabeth begins to question her feelings, and eventually realizes she is in love with him as well. However, her sister married the man he hates, and Elizabeth is now certain that he could never love her. Mr. Bingley proposes to Jane, and Darcy pulls Elizabeth aside and asks her to marry him.”

She pauses and smiles, “I’m not sure if you’ve heard of this, but it’s where the line, ‘Yes! Yes! A Thousand times yes!’ comes from. Anyway, they end up living happily ever after once they learn to put aside their differences.”

She stops and stares at him. Solok can feel his heartbeat and an unfamiliar coiling in the pit of his stomach. The story she had described, perhaps meant little other than an interesting narrative to her, but to him was a wonderful figment of a scenario between them that could never be.

“Y/N, I am aware you have no reason to believe me, but...I apologize for what I said to you yesterday. Upon reflection and seeing your transfer notice for Ensign T’Lok, I've had some time to reflect on my opinions. Perhaps, Humans and Vulcans aren’t as different as I once thought them to be. Clearly, there are ways to exist in tandem with emotions, and maybe I am just unable to fully comprehend it yet.” He looked to her, unsure if what he had intended had come out correctly.

She looked astonished with what he had said, almost as if she was unable to process that what was happening was real. He noticed tears well up in the corners of her eyes, and felt an uncharacteristic spark of panic, humans cried when they were in pain.

“Ms. Y/N, are you alright, should I contact Dr. Bashir?” He stood and made his over to her and reached for her arm. She grasped at his arm and pulled herself up to face him.

“That’s all i’ve ever wanted to hear from you.” She said quietly. She took his hand.

Solok felt his heartbeat increase, surely she knew what a touch of hands meant to him? If she continued like this his feelings might be exposed, and he’d never live it down. Everyone would know; the famed anti-Human Vulcan, in love with a human? Blasphemous. He’d keep his job in starfleet, but he’d never be able to show his face of Vulcan again. Not to mention what Y/N might think, he had just begun to mend things with her, if she found out…

No, he could never tell her. After all, what reason did he have to believe she’d ever return his feelings. She’d just forgiven, he couldn’t risk it. But oh, he did want to tell her, so badly. He wanted to tell her he thought about her every waking moment, dreamt of her when he slept, longed for her with all his heart.

Y/N was brilliant, compassionet, a great captain, better than he could ever be. She was perfection personified, what had he done to deserve her forgiveness?

She placed her hand on his face.

“I knew you had a golden heart buried in there somewhere.”

“I confess, my emotions have always been close to the surface.”

She smiled. “Well, you’ve fooled me, so you must be pretty good at getting people to think otherwise.”

“...Thank you, mastery of one’s emotions, no matter how close to the surface they might be, is seen as a sign of strength in Vulcan culture.”

“Wait, you’re telling me Vulcans have feelings? Correct me if i’m wrong, but you’re all so secretive that the general consensus is that you just don’t have any feelings.”

“No, that isn’t true. The teachings of Surak help us repress our emotions, not eliminate them. You may have heard of kolinahr however, which is the elimination of feeling, but most choose not to undergo that ritual.”

“Oh, I guess I never asked and just assumed you had no feelings, I'm sorry if i’ve ever hurt yours.” She moved to drop her hand from his cheek, but he caught her wrist.

“I believe it is I who should be apologizing.”

She blushed. ‘But, you already apologized earlier, what else do you have to apologize for?”

He paused, and remembered a human expression. ‘It’s now or never.’

“I-i, when we met, I found you to be rather tolerable for a human. I thought your incessant need to converse with me could perhaps be the subject of my next paper on human psychology. I instead decided to use you in an experiment to replicate my findings from my match with commander Sisko. Needless to say, when you declined me, I was struck by your audacity. I left that day with the conclusion that you were surely to be a worthy adversary for me. As the years passed, I began to find our occasional verbal sparring matches to be gratifying,our quarrels something I awaited, an excellent and unpredictable test for myself. In that time I developed a...fondness for your company, but I was already too committed to my stance on Humans to admit that to you. When you got command of the Resurgent, I was comforted by the fact that the ship would be in your capable hands, a ship near perfection deserves a captain just the same. Upon my arrival to the station, I was both pleased and abhorred to find you here. My feelings of admiration have become...less than acceptable in a professional setting.”

Solok removed her wrist from his face and stepped back from her. He didn’t need to tell her outright, she must be disgusted with him. He turned away from her, he was ashamed of himself for letting his feelings become so, unprofessional.

“I understand that you are reasonably upset with me, after all, I have done nothing but discriminate against your species since the moment we met. You have no reason to be accommodating of my feelings, a blunt rejection will be a suitable ground on which I can begin eliminating them. Let us have a strictly professional relationship, if that is what you want of course.”

“Wait, Solok. Stop, just stop for a second. Are you saying what I think you’re saying, what I...hope you’re saying?”

He paused for a minute, if he didn’t say it now, he knew he never would.

“I am saying that I love you.”

-

What on earth were you supposed to say to that? Solok, Solok, loved you. There must be something in the water here, there was no way. And yet, here he was, dressed down and confessing his feelings to you at 2 in the morning on some nowhere space station you both just happened to be on at the same time.

“I can’t believe it.”

“You are disappointed?”

“No, no! Of course I'm not, I'm just surprised, that’s all.”

The two of you lapsed into silence as you frantically tried to process what had just happened.

“May I...assume my feelings are unrequited?”

-

Why had he said that, why had he done that? He’d ruined himself, and likely her too. It had been foolish of him, a decision made on a whim that would derail his entire life. How could he ever face her again? What would his colleagues think? His fellow Vulcans? Starfleet command? A few simple words, spoken without thinking, was all it had taken to ruin everything.

He took her silence as the answer to his question, and turned to walk back to his quarters. There was no sense in bothering her any further, better to leave her be and meditate on what might have been. The ground blurred beneath his feet as he rounded a corner. He stopped when he felt something hit his hand, a single tear.

Solok allowed himself a single moment of weakness, and leaned heavily against the wall. He had heard many stories Humans had told about heartbreak, but he had never imagined it would be as unbearable as they said it was. This was agonizing.

He placed a hand over his mouth to muffle his sobs. He watched everything blur around him as more tears joined the first one. He couldn’t believe himself, this was so pathetic, what kind of Vulcan was he? Crying in empty hallways over lost love is not something esteemed starfleet captains did.

What had ever made him think that he had the right to judge humans for their emotions when he couldn’t even control his own? Humans lived in harmony with their emotions, and here he was completely losing his grasp on his own over nothing.

But it’s not nothing, she means so much to me. Why is it so wrong to admit we have feelings too?

Solok was so deep in his own head he almost didn’t hear her come up behind him. Y/N placed her hand on his back and he jumped. He was so embarrassed to be caught crying, and by the woman he loved, no less.

She was out of breath, like she’d run a great distance to get to him. She noticed his tears and her face became serious.

“Solok, are you alright, are you hurt? Did something happen?”

He sniffed and a tear rolled down his cheek, he almost could have laughed at the ridiculousness of the situation.

“No, I am unharmed. Forgive me, this is humiliating.” He felt his eyes begin to sting with new tears. How un-vulcan.

“Need a minute? I get it, take your time.” She turned away from him and Solok took a breath and began to collect himself. Once he was sure the tears were contained for the time being, he turned to her.

She was pressed up against the window, eyes wide with wonder as she gazed up at the stars. She noticed him staring and beckoned him over.

“Look.”

“I am looking, however I am unsure of what for.”

“The stars.” She answered matter-of-factly, as if he had been slow to catch on to something obvious.

Solok raised an eyebrow. “What about them?”

She sighed dreamily. “Look at them, aren’t they beautiful? Sometimes I almost regret not becoming a full time scientist.” Y/N turned her head and stepped closer to him.

Solok shifted on his feet, all the memories of what had happened moments ago rushing back to him. He felt her hand on his face, she was looking at him with that piercing gaze of hers. She could have spoken, and he could have too, but there was nothing left to be said on either of their parts. She leaned in closer to him, their faces barely parted. He felt his eyelids flutter closed as he leaned in to kiss her. Her lips were just as soft as he imagined they would, he’d dreamt of this moment. Her fingers trailed down his arm before reaching his hand and connecting their fingers in the Ohz'esta.

After a long moment she slowly pulled away and looked up at him.

“I love you.”

He allowed himself a slow smile. “Ashau nash-veh tu.”

She pressed her forehead against his and hummed. “I hope you said you love me too.”

He wrapped his arms around her waist. “Naturally, Ashayam.”

“And what does that mean?”

“It means beloved, unless you would rather have me call you ashayam a’ duna?”

“Which is?”

He rested his chin on the top of her head. “Beloved wife." He felt her arms wrap around him and her chin rest on his shoulder.

“I’d like that.”

- fin