#my camp goal is always fairly low

[twobigears]

2023 New Year Goals and Reviews and Stuff

I usually do goal and review posts every year just like everyone else, but if I did this for 2022 I sure can’t find it. Maybe I was too lazy, which would surprise no one.

2022

This felt like a fairly chill year overall, which is probably a good thing.

We did some hiking and camping. As always, we could have done more.

Chandra made good progress in her iliospoas rehab that started at the end of 2021 (def a reason we didn’t hike as much, especially in the first half of the year). She is cautiously returning to agility and we’ll see how that goes.

Chandra did some more obedience training and also made good progress there. We didn’t trial other than some at-home WRCL runs.

Blizzard really picked up her agility trialing! She had her first full year of trialing after a slow start largely due to covid.

Between virtual runs and real trials, Blizzard made her way up to Masters in USDAA and Level 5 in CPE. She earned her MPD (Masters level title in USDAA) and is about halfway to her PDCH (championship title)

I finished 3/4 of my schooling for my GIS certificate and transition away from dog training to a new career. There is still a lot of anxiety going on with that, but the mental relief of getting away from agility-as-a-job has been soooo worth it.

I put more effort into self-improvement mentally and physically! After years of yo-yoing and steadily creeping weight gain, I revamped habits, made better choices, and lost about 25lbs. I admit this came after hitting a mental low point (and high weight point) early in the year when I was sitting in a hotel room eating grocery store chocolate cake with my fingers because I ‘needed’ it. The cake wasn’t even that good.

I also reined in my internet and social media habits, especially Facebook as recently mentioned. But also things like not scrolling my phone in bed at night, and not checking it first thing in the morning either. I think a lot of people these days have some sort of social media addiction, or at least way too much there, and Facebook was mine. For a long time I knew how bad it was making me feel for a hundred different reasons, but it was still a struggle to quit or cut back. I finally managed it in the last couple months of 2022 and I really do feel soooo much better just ignoring my friends feed and going on primarily to check some hobby groups. It is so much easier to spend less than 5-10 minutes a day there versus the hours I used to spend. Unfortunately I’ve kind of replaced the FB addiction with a Reddit addiction, which is something to work on in 2023....

I got myself spayed and off of hormonal birth control! It’s only been about five weeks but I can already feel the mental benefits and I’m so glad I did it. Only regret is that I didn’t do it sooner. I look forward to seeing how my brain and body continue to change and hopefully for the better. HBC is great for so many reasons (esp the No Babies part, so I have no regrets for that), but it’s also got shitty baggage.

Seems like a lot of 2022 was about me, which was probably more than a little overdue. As they say, put on your own oxygen mask before helping others. ~self care~ and all that!

What’s up for 2023?

Continue monitoring Chandra’s rehab and see how it goes and how she does with some agility again. I have a pipe dream goal of finishing her PDCH (she needs 8 Qs, even less than Blizzard) but I don’t want to be selfish about it. So we’ll see.

Obedience...idk. We’ll keep doing some training but at this point I’m not sure about trialing. The obedience community really does it make hard to love. Maybe later on I’ll feel interested again. I don’t want to regret not doing it, like I regret not finishing Ryker’s CD before he died.

Blizzard, I would love to finish her PDCH! It might be tough to do given the lack of USDAA trials here but I think it is still a possibility.

At this point I’ve put thoughts of Next Dog on hold for a while again. I’m currently enjoying the two dog life, backing away from dog sports again, and doing more non-dog things (even though a lot of it still involves them anyway, like hiking and camping). Plus with us likely moving, me hopefully getting a new job, I think it’s good to just not add another dog to the mix until all that has settled. I won’t say Next Dog is totally out of the question for 2023, but right now it’s unlikely and not something I’m planning to actively pursue.

At some point this year we’re planning to move to Minnesota. No specific timeline yet, but probably summer-ish. It will be incredibly sad to leave Colorado...

I’ll finish school this spring, hopefully find a real adult job in that field (yay..) and not have this schooling be for nothing.

Continue reinforcing and improving my habits for mental and physical health. I’ve been considering getting into bouldering for something different in the physical activity realm, so I’ll probably check that out. Plus the usual hiking and camping. Gotta get out and see some places before we leave! Then have new places to check out when we move.

Hmmm yeah I think that’s it so far. 😂

[pepsiwriteswords]

Woo, my camp goal has been met!

Now, it took 4 different projects (wait maybe five) plus two of these projects’ ramble outlines, but

!!!!!

Words got written! Characters I have had for years with nothing to do now have stories!

(Also, thank god for writing discords with people who ask at random points in the day/night if anyone’s up to sprints because my focus was shot today & it took two fifteen minute sprints to get my brain on track XP)

[algumaideia]

An analysis of Octavian

This post was actually going to be an explanation of why I think Octavian is an antagonist, but not a villain. But it ended up being an analysis of his character. 

SPOILERS

And as always feel free to disagree with me, just be respectful. 

Sorry, because it wasn’t well-written, I’m incapable of writing good texts. 

Backstory

I think it is important to say that since we don’t have any information about his backstory most of the thing said in this part of the review are what I think is his backstory. It is a mix of the facts stated in the books, the way Octavian acts and my interpretations. Besides the things I’ll make clear that were said in the books, the rest is not canon. And you don’t need to agree with me that this was his backstory.

His family is one of the richest of New Rome- In the books he also seems to act without fearing the consequences while taking the privilege/money of his family as garented. Octavian acts like someone that is seeking attention. It is so weird how he just do whatever he wants without fearing consequences when his family is right there in New Rome. For that to happen I think or his family neglects him or they are those kind of people who think the children can do no wrong and are all my baby didn’t do that. But I think that if they were the latter, they would be more present in Octavian’s life, but they are never there. 

He is an augere and feels very proud about it. I don’t think there is too much to add about it besides that I think he likes to be an augere because it makes him important and necessary.

No one likes him and this isn’t something new. In Son of Neptune, Hazel says half of the camp hates Octavian and most of his friends are bought. So, Octavian is a lonely child. And he is aware of this. He is a bad person, people dislike him for a reason. But it seems people have been disliking him for some years and he is a child. According to his wiki he was 10 years old when he came to Camp Jupiter for the first time, and he spent his tweens and teens years in a place where people did not like him. I don’t think this was a good place to grow up.

He is really smart and manipulative. I think that those traits are a little inconsistent. Because in the beginning of the SoN Percy says how Octavian is really good at manipulating people with words, but then in the ending of the book and in MoA everyone is shutting Octavian up. Isn’t he this kind of master of words, how he isn’t answering people back? 

We also know he’s been at camp jupiter for quite sometime. I’ll talk about it in another part of the post.

He is anemic and mentally ill. I’ll talk about those things in the Camp Jupiter, Treatment and Ableism parts. 

Other thing that I would like to say is that this post is not an attempt to ignore the bad things Octavian did and pretend he is not a bad person. It is just me trying to understand his better and show why in my opinion the fandom hasn’t treated him fairly.

Camp Jupiter

Camp Jupiter sucks and it does for a lot of reasons. Some of them being the fact they have a city full of adults and most of them were demigods trained in the camp, which means they have trained adults but instead tweens and teens are the ones who fights. Hazel said that if Percy dishonored the legion they both would be executed. Hazel also says that sometimes people die in the war games. There is also the fact that people are dying all the time in missions/wars. The Camp Jupiter also expects perfect behavior for its demigods, to them all know the rules and to do not commit mistakes and I don’t have adhd but this doesn’t seem to be a good place to people that has the disorder. There is too much preassure to do not do any wrong, apperently no emotional support and the punishments seems to be crazy. It’s not a healthy place to a chldren grow up.

Other point is how they value physical strenght, hand to hand combats and offensive approache more than a lot of things. Frank said how he wasn’t treated well because he was an archer, and this was seem as cowardice. Octavian is anemic, he doesn’t have physical strenght or energy to be able to fight. The only way to be respected in Jupiter's camp is to be a good fighter, and he cannot be that because of his illness. As I said Octavian is someone that is often seeking attention and validation by his peers, and I think that this is why being an augere is something so important to him. He cannot make himself important in the traditional way and by being an augere he is necessary to the camp. People cannot just dismiss him. He buys friends, he manipulates people, he becomes a centurion, he is always dominating the senate. He makes himself impossible to be neglected. 

Yes, Octavian is power-hungry. Yes, he is bad. But a lot of things he did during Heroes of Olympus was just Roman things (he was also mentally ill and his mental health was getting worse in each book). When Hazel says that Octavian will kill Percy if the greeks atack New Rome, but in the next sentence she says that Romans take oaths very seriously. However it is all written like it is Octavian being a horrible person. But it is not. The Romans are very harsh with their punishments, they seem to be violent, physical. When Octavian says the Romans should fight the greeks, he is just acting like a Roman, like someone who was raised in a enviroment that encouraged violence responses.

Treatment

Octavian wasn’t treated nicely by the narrative and other characters. I mean, this guy was the centurion of the first cohort and an augere. But no one seem to respect him. No one enters the legion without him saying yes (I know it is acording to what he sees) but he is treated like he isn’t important. He is the one that is responsable of saying what the gods wants, but no one seems to have problems mocking him. I mean fi he decides to give you a wrong information about what a god want you are dead. 

Hazel said how “obsessed” with the sibylline books Octavian and it was framed as him being irrational and dumb. But in the end he was right, if the legion listened to him Ella would have been save way sooner. But no, it is just Octavian being  “obsessed”.

Percy acts like Octavian doesn’t have any prophecy powers, but he saw the lighting in the Jupiter Temple. Then when Octavian is mad because there are three preators he acts like he is overreacting, and Jason and Reyna do nothing. And this is weird because it was made very clear that rules are very important to Camp Jupiter. 

When he decides to attack Camp Jupiter he is always villified and not seem as a mentally ill boy that has been getting worse doing the Roman thing. 

He is always dismissed, mocked, villified, ignored.

And the fact Luke was treated with sympathy, but Octavian not. Luke, who tried to kill Percy, a childre, a lot of times. Luke, who used Annabeth feelings and emotional attachment to manipulate her. Luke, who was 19-22 years old and groomed Silena, who was 14-18 years old. Luke, who poisoned Talia’s tree. Luke, who had no regards for Grover, the satyr that saved him. Luke was treated with sympathy. But not Octavian. Not the mentally ill child who was losing the touch with reality during the series. Not the guy who was just doing what he was raised to do. 

I mean, I don’t even like Octavian and I cannot stand it.

Gwen

Guys, Octavian did a lot of bad things but killing Gwen wasn’t one of those thing. It is so no sense for a lot of reasons. 

As we talked before he is anemic and he is also smart. This intelligent man, that is full aware of his physical limits, thought it would be a good idea to get in the midle of a chaotic fight? I don’t think so.

Some pages before that Percy hit Octavian and he fell like a straw man (according to the text, the first time I read it I thought he fainted). 

Octavian always makes things because of a purpose, he isn’t just being mean because. He does bad things because his actions will give him something. Killing Gwen wouldn’t help him with anything.

Frank for some reason decided to look to Octavian during that mess and that doesn’t make any sense. He is in the camp for a month at this time the guy should’ve already known that Octavian doesn’t battle, he only commands. He saw Percy fighting for a couple of seconds during the war game and was already able to say how he fought.

Octavian was without his knive, but just minutes before he fainted, he could have lost it when he fell.

Frank said that Octavian seemed interested and not worried. But this is not enough to blame the guy, this is not enough to assume anything execpt that maybe Octavian has low empath. 

Greeks

Octavian was a roman. To the romans the greeks didn’t exist anymore, and they were the enemy. 

So, a random greek shows up, spends some days at the camp, becomes preator, and two of your most important gods appear and give a lot of attention to this greek. This is really suspicious. This greek also says that the romans should work with the greeks so they can defeat Gaea. And why you should trust this dude? He doesn’t show respect for the Roman culture. Then this huge war ship appears and this suspect greek guy says that they all come peace and the romans should not attack. Obviously you don’t believe it, and what happens they attack! As the good roman you are, your answer is to attack the greeks back. 

The romans answers things with violence. This is why Reyna asked if Annabeth was a roman after the judo flip. This is why Hazel said she and Percy would be executed if he did a mistake during his period of probatio. Octavian was being roman. He was trying to protect and revenge his Camp against a long time enemy. 

Not saying everything he did about it was logical, but this is because of his upbringing and his mental health. 

Goals

I think it is really interisting the fact that Octavian main goal was to be a hero, not more powerful. Apollo didin’t say Octavian would become preator, he said Octavian would save New Rome. 

I mean, since Octavian wanted to be preator and then became the pontifex maximum, so the logical think it would be to him wants more power. But no he wants to be a hero. A hero is someone that is respected, admired, liked and even loved. All the thing Octavian isn't. Don't get me wrong, Octavian is a bad person, there is a reason people dislike him. But he is also a lonely child that is hated by most of the camp.

Ableism

Octavian is often described as crazy, mad, insane. In his first appearence Percy said Octavian had madness in the eyes, and this was the way of the narrative warning us he was one of the bad guys. He is obviusly mentally ill, his mental health is obviusly getting worse, but everyone ignores it. Everyone ignores it, execpt when they are describing how insane his laugh is, how crazy he looks, how intense his gaze is. Everyone ignores it, until they need to remind us he is one of the antagonists. 

Ending

The ending was terrible. 

Octavian was obiously having a psychotic break, he was stumbling, laughing “in an insane” way, and he didn’t realize his jewelry was in fire. And then what happens? Michael Kahale, the person he most trusted, his problaby only friends appeared, saw the situation and did nothing.

Octavian didn’t kill himself. He didn’t know his clothes were tied in the onager. It wasn’t a sacrifice. It was an aciddent. 

Nico stopped Will Solace who was trying to warn it because some “deaths are inevitable”. Nico, also a mentally ill character saw Octavian in the vulnerable state he was and did nothing to help him. And when Nico was seeing Octavian lunch himself to the sky he thought that this was a relief. No one was sad, no one thought this was a tragedy, no one cared. Octavian was dead and that was a relief. 

The guy was so desperate to be the hero and no one even cared about his death. It is horrible.

Another sorry for the weird tense of the text.

If you want to read this is my post about Octavian and Azula and how their mental illness were treated differently.

Best regards,

Me. 

Ps. We need to start talking how the way Bryce was written was ableist.

[dinosaurtsukki]

haikyuu!! zombie apocalypse AU

anon: hi! how do you think haikyuu pairs would react/response in a zombie apocalypse?

this ask sure takes me back because i had SUCH a zombie phase when i was 12. i literally bought that ‘zombie survival guide’ book by max brooks and walking dead was my fave but AHHH I’M SO EXCITED FOR THIS ASK. also this eventually becomes more angsty as it goes on

Hinata and Kageyama: 

hinata would probably be the first to believe in the news on TV but they’ll both be freaking out a lot when they first encounter an actual zombie 

luckily they’re both really good at running so they just run for their lives before they consider hiding somewhere

they probably pass by a convenience store to stock up on ‘necessary supplies’, that being meat buns and milk 

between the two of them, it would be kageyama who’d keep more of a level head. he devises a whole system for them when it comes to finding hideouts and taking watches at night

as much as possible, they wouldn’t want to directly engage with and fight zombies and choose to outrun them. mostly because hinata would still grapple with the fact that the zombies are still humans

they’d definitely try to find a group to stick around and travel with because they believe in safety in numbers. also they just know they’ll go crazy by themselves

hinata, who hasn’t dealt with the whole zombie apocalypse so far, would feel much better in a group. he’d take on the role of taking care of fellow kids. also, his speed and quick reflexes make him a good scout when they have to do supply runs

kageyama would definitely try to hone his skills with using weapons so that he could be one of the fighters that the group can count on. most of the time he’s doing target practice 

if they’re in a good group, i can see their survival chances being quite good but without, they’d probably suffer from emotional damage by themselves

Tsukishima and Yamaguchi:

neither of them would be able to believe their eyes after hearing the news and they’d both be too shocked to act when a zombie horde starts attacking their town

tsukishima would be the one to act first and yell at yamaguchi to run away with him 

both of them would try to find a strategic place to hide. if they’re in school, probably thought of hiding in the kitchens because it has weapons and food

they both like to play it extremely safe so they wouldn’t dare leave that hiding spot until either supplies have run low or they’re chased out 

yamaguchi is generally quite hospitable to other survivors, especially if he knows that they’re fellow students but tsukishima is way more suspicious

luckily, tsukishima’s wary nature has saved them from being entangled in group conflicts or other people who would try to sabotage them

the only thing is that none of them are very good at combat or doing supply runs so they do have to rely on being in a group

tsukishima would be quickly known for having really good strategies to minimize casualties when they do have to do supply runs or raid a building to turn into a hide-out

yamaguchi would take it upon himself to learn first-aid so that he could be more useful to the group and he becomes invaluable to them in the long-run

between the two of them, yamaguchi would be more hopeful about humanity’s survival and them trying to find a cure or a way to eradicate the zombies

tsukishima would just only grow pessimistic as the years go by, not just from the ongoing zombie apocalypse but because of how he’s seen people lose their humanity

Daichi and Sugawara: 

they’re shocked at first but fairly quick to react. they’re able to grab the attention of people around them and start a plan of escape in the event that they’re both in a building when it happens

daichi would be quick to take somewhat of a leadership role but he wouldn’t hesitate to put himself out there to direct counter-attacks. because of this, people would easily see him as a very reliable person 

sugawara is also quite skilled at coming up with solutions whenever they’re in a predicament. if they end up in a hideout, he’s in charge of laying traps for any zombies that might come in

both of them do have the potential of becoming leaders in a group of people

their main aim would be to have a section of the city full of survivors that would also be self-sustainable and of course fortified from the outside world

their only fault probably would be that they’re too forgiving and have trouble making hard decisions

in the event that only one group of people would be saved between two, daichi and sugawara would try to save both but that does cost them

they also have a tendency to make things seem okay when it’s not okay to prevent mass hysteria

but that does mean they’ll be hiding things from their own group. but one thing they have promised is to tell everything to each other

Oikawa and Iwaizumi:

ngl they’ll both be really freaked out in the face of a horde of zombies unless iwaizumi would quickly pull oikawa off to the side so they could hide somewhere 

i can imagine iwaizumi hammering nails into a baseball bat and expertly using it as his weapon 

oikawa is quite crafty and cautious when it comes to interacting with fellow survivors because the only person he can trust at this point is iwa-chan

he ends up prioritizing their survival above all else and has once or twice tricked or backstabbed another survivor just to get weapons or basic necessities

iwa isn’t a fan of it at first but after realizing that it could happen to them, he becomes more open to oikawa’s way of doing things

most of what they do is break into houses and stay there for the night before leaving and going someplace else the next day. they know its not wise to stay in one place

they also don’t really trust other people enough to be in a group. they already have each other so why take that risk?

they do like to look for alcohol when breaking into new houses and after making sure they’re safe, they’ll definitely spend the night drink

neither of them particularly like the way they live and it’s things like these that they look forward to 

both oikawa and iwaizumi would like to try and settle down at some point. hopefully in a cabin to themselves in the woods where they can live a life that’s as normal as it can get

Ushijima and Tendou: 

tendou,,, wouldn't be that surprised cause i feel like he watches a great deal of zombie films and just thinks that it will happen at some point

when ushijima sees that his friend just knows what to do, he doesn't hesitate in following him

they immediately arm themselves with whatever makeshift weapons they can find

tendou already knows to aim directly for the head and to use the zombie's slow speed to their advantage

its only after they're able to take a rest in a hidden place away from people and zombies that it hits them -- this is going to be their life from now on

they'll try to look for their friends if they can and form a group together. the only people they could actually trust are their teammates

both ushi and tendou would have really good combat skills though

ushijima has enough strength to wield almost any kind of melee weapon, even something like an axe. although his prefered one is a crowbar

crowbars are great zombie apocalypse melee weapons though because ideal weight + pointy end + functional

tendou is great at using handguns (he makes sure to always have a silencer on hand). knows how to conserve ammo too

ushijima would definitely try to look for an ideal place to live (like, a farm). he isn't a fan of having to constantly roam around

tendou is quite fond of scouting missions and being able to explore what’s left of the human race and structures. his goal is to make a map of the area around their hide-out for other people to use 

Kuroo and Kenma: 

ngl kenma thought that he had been gaming too much and now the zombie survival game he was obsessed with had come to life

and kuroo’s just like ‘are those??? zombies????’ 

it takes a while for them to snap out of it and realize that such a thing is now happening and they need to escape or hide

kenma’s survival instincts tell them to divert from crowds because crowds are bigger targets and spread infection easily

he’s very strategic about this and opts that their best chance for survival would be to gather resources and hole up inside an apartment with the doors barricaded

since they live in a city, it’s hard for them to move around because it’s so overpopulated

kuroo knows that they’ll have to leave at some point so he trains himself physically, even making makeshift weapons too (hello crowbar and probably a hammer)

kenma spends his days watching from a window, observing how the city population quickly gets infected and falls to ruin but tries to concentrate on routes for getting out

finally, they pack up what supplies they have and make their way down and hijack one of the cars left behind to drive out of the city

both of them know that they have a better chance of surviving in a group but they’re both still wary. whenever they sense that something’s off in their group, they’ll leave without a second thought

kuroo and kenma are the ones who miss the ‘old world’ more than anyone else and they always get a bit sentimental when they break into houses

kenma has a tendency to look around for handheld game consoles and batteries. his most prized possession is a gameboy that he only plays for one minute a week. sometimes he just holds it for comfort

kuroo likes visiting high school gyms, despite their danger. whenever he comes across one, he’ll mindlessly do some serves and spikes with any balls that are left

Bokuto and Akaashi:

when the zombie apocalypse happens, initially they put their trust that the military would be able to save them and that it won’t last for so long

they spent most of their time being in a makeshift military base camp, not knowing what’s happened in the outside world around them until their living space was infiltrated by what it was trying to keep out

akaashi was quick to pack up their things and run, dragging a shell-shocked bokuto with him

with the two of them alone for the first time, their sanity does crumble a bit until a pack of survivors from the same camp find them

neither of them can survive without a group, mostly for mental stability reasons

but when they’re with a group, they are sure to put in their own work

despite his physical prowess, bokuto still has reservations with killing zombies because part of him still sees them as people who unfortunately ended up turned

he prefers roles related to building or strengthening their hideout like reinforcing walls and fortresses

akaashi has this desire to make things feel as normal as possible. he likes tinkering with machines and his main goal is to be able to set up a sustainable source for electricity

they have different reactions to how the world has changed. bokuto hates venturing out of the hideout and seeing the city that he’s known for so long being greatly different.

akaashi, on the other hand, is more accepting of how the world has changed, thinking that it must have been bound to happen

Osamu and Atsumu: 

the two of them have watched enough zombie movies to figure out was going on and instantly know what to do

they’re quite quick to snap into action and grab any weapons they can use nearest to them and just make a run for it

they both have different priorities -- atsumu being better weapons and osamu collecting resources like food and medicine -- but they’re quick to sort them out

both of them are also the solo drifter type of people. they travel in the same car, even having the foresight to steal gas from abandoned cars or stations at the roadside

the zombie apocalypse does bring out a savagery in atsumu and osamu. they’re skilled with killing zombies alright. in fact, almost too skilled

the killing desensitizes them to violence and they end up adapting a more ‘survival is the fittest’ mindset

they do have different skills when it comes to combat. osamu prefers using a gun and is quite handy at it. atsumu feels more comfortable with using melee weapons

when put into the situation where they have to kill a fellow human being for their own benefit, they won’t hesitate to do so

sometimes, the twins do reminisce about how their lives used to be and the dreams they once had

atsumu raises his hands and pretends to set a ball when he’s alone and osamu sometimes laughs to himself whenever they raid a grocery store

there’s a savagery in how they kill zombies because of this because that’s how they take out their anger on the things that robbed them of the life they should have had

***********************************************

taglist (still open to anyone who wants in!): @montys-chaos​ @miyumtwins​ @strawberriimilkshake​ @pocubo​ @sugawara-sweetheart @akaashisbabydoll @laure-chan​ @therainroguefanfiction​ @atetiffdoesart @stephdaninja @oikaw-ugh​ @charliefredb​ @dramaqueenweeb1469 @tremblinghearts @applepienation @doodleniella @haikyuu-my-love @waitforitillwritemywayout @kattykurr @tpwkatsumu​ 

[mst3kproject]

Atomic Rulers

 So 2020 fucking blows.  We’ve got Death and Pestilence all over the place, War is waiting in the wings licking her chops, and I’m sure Famine is only a matter of time.  You know what we need?  A hero. Operator, put me through to the Emerald Planet!  After fifty-five years, the Earth must once again call upon Star Man.

(I apologize for the poor quality screencaps in this review.  The WiFi at sea is not great, so I’m watching movies on YouTube in decidedly low definition. I’ll replace them with better ones if I ever get out of here.)

Atomic Rulers, also sometimes known as Atomic Rulers of the World, is actually the first Star Man movie.  Does that mean we get an origin story for our brave hero?  Of course not.  Instead, we learn that the evil nation of… uh… a sign in the movie says Merapolia but the dubbing sounds like Magolia... whatever. Their nuclear testing is starting to contaminate Outer Space and the Emerald Men don’t like that – they send Star Man to Earth to do something about it.

This movie gives us two things none of the other Star Man movies do.  First of all, there’s an actual purpose to that ‘globemeter’ watch thingy he wears. The opening of every movie explains that the globemeter allows Star Man to do three things: travel through outer space, speak and understand any language, and detect sources of radioactivity. The first two functions have proven to be very useful, but neither the Salamander Men nor Ballazar’s Brain were radioactive, so the third just sat there like the stocks app on an iPhone.  Now, with the threat of concealed Magolian nuclear weapons, he finally uses it!

The second is, holy shit, a plot.  The Magolians want to rule the world, and aliens from a dozen different Godzilla movies have assured them that when conquering the Earth, you have to start with Japan.  To that end, their agents are sneaking atomic weapons into the country. Star-Man tries to confiscate these, and in the midst of the lame-ass fight scene that follows, the Magolian Bag-O-Nukes is carried off by a bunch of annoying little kids!  The Magolians kidnap one of the kids and try to force him to tell them where their bomb is.  Star-Man rescues the boy, but it’s too late – they’ve already retrieved the bomb.  There’s just a few hours left before Japan must surrender, or be blown to bits as an example to the rest of the world!

There’s actually even more to the plot than that. It’s full of wild twists and turns, with Star Man and the Magolians taking turns looking like they’re about to win the day.  Yet at the same time, unlike the other Star Man films, the story is not obviously bifurcated!  You can tell where Movie One ends and Movie Two begins (with the rescue of the kidnapped kid), but the same characters are involved throughout rather than changing from reel to reel.  Even the gaggle of nameless kids in short-shorts kind of play a role in the plot, helping Star Man and giving information to the police whenever they can. The plot unspools in a single main storyline from beginning to end, and events usually make enough sense that you can figure out where they fit.

Even more shockingly, Star Man himself actually has some personality in this film, even a bit of a character arc.  In the other movies he just ran around punching aliens and smiling at children, but here we see him as a bit of an arrogant dick, confident in his ability to beat the mere humans who represent the threat to the universe.  When he is nearly beaten instead, he is forced to learn a little humility, and nearly sacrifices his life to save a hostage.

By leaps and bounds, then, this is the best Star Man movie I’ve seen.  There’s a couple more out there, but they’d have to work hard to be better than Atomic Rulers.  At the same time, as praise goes ‘the best Star Man movie’ is almost as faint as ‘the best Coleman Francis movie’.  It still sucks big-time, and Mike and the bots would have had riff material to spare.

I mean, this is a movie where the bad guys have a giant cartoon demon face on the wall of their lair for some reason, and when they’re not disguised in blazers and ties they wear coronavirus suits with the same face on the chest.  There’s a bit where Star Man swordfights with a bunch of them, using fencing foils that were just lying around in the room for some reason.  Other fight scenes are mostly things like Magolians frantically shooting at Star Man while he just stands there looking smug. The ‘atomic core’ MacGuffin is just a plastic tube full of glitter.  The back-projected ‘flying’ effects are dire.  There’s a bomb that has a literal clock on the side ticking down the minutes like in an old cartoon.  There’s a pretty girl strapped into a death trap that I can only describe as the world’s slowest guillotine.

There’s a fairly extended sequence in which we see the Magolians’ car driving down a road, then cut to Star-Man flying, then back to the car, then back to Star Man, then back to the car, and on and on until I could almost hear Crow shouting “he’s following them!  We get it!”

The Magolians themselves confuse me a bit. People refer to their embassy and their ambassadors, and there’s a flag on their car and so forth, so I’m pretty sure they’re supposed to be from a country on Earth… and yet they behave exactly like the villains of a Japanese alien invasion movie.  They have dumb costumes, they call the guy in charge ‘supreme leader’, and most distracting of all, they refer to conquering ‘the Earth’.  Maybe this is just an artifact of the translation, but I would expect humans to talk about ruling ‘the world’ rather than ‘the Earth’.  It left me expecting a big reveal at the end, and when there wasn’t one, I had to go back to the beginning to see if they’d been established as aliens and I’d missed it.

Speaking of possible artifacts of translation, there’s another thing here I’m not sure about.  A lot of Japanese ‘no nukes’ movies have American antagonists, or at least, white guys who are clearly a stand-in for Americans.  My favourite example is the belligerent country of Rolisica in Mothra, which is an absolutely hilarious summary of what 60’s Japan thought the West was like.  Magolia, on the other hand, appears to be a stand-in for the USSR.  The actors playing the Magolians are mostly white, and we only ever hear two of their names: the supreme leader has a nonsense name, but the ambassador is called Boris Zedenko.  I wonder if this is original to the script, or whether it was changed when the movie was dubbed for American release.

The thing I find most interesting about Atomic Rulers is that while Star Man does save the Earth, that’s not really his goal.  The Emerald Men sent him here to prevent a war because Earth’s radioactivity was leaking into outer space, threatening other planets.  Star Man isn’t here to save humanity, he’s here to save the rest of the universe from us; saving us from ourselves is merely a side-effect.

This makes Star-Man a little different from his imitators, Space Chief and Prince of Space.  Despite their space-themed code-names, they are humans from Earth, with a specific interest in protecting this planet.  Star-Man seems to have the broader responsibility of protecting the civilized galaxy in general, and this is reflected in the premises of his movies. In Evil Brain from Outer Space, Ballazar’s Brain is using Earth as a place to launch a general takeover of the universe. Invasion from Space was a little less clear about it, but I’m pretty sure there was something about the Earth being ‘the richest planet in the galaxy’ and the Salamander Men would presumably use that loot for nefarious purposes.

A side implication here is that Star-Man probably has other adventures, too – we’re only seeing the ones that happen to bring him to our particular planet.  Considering how strange Star-Man movies can be anyway, and how trippy the brief shot of the Emerald Planet, with its crystal-headed creatures and robots and even a couple of what appear to be the Pairans from Warning from Space, one has to wonder about these potential non-Earth storylines.  How fucking weird would those be?  I’m imagining something like an entire movie about Krankor’s pet giant.

Another thing that distinguishes Star Man from the other space dinks is that he has actual superpowers.  Space Chief and Prince of Space are basically just normal guys in stupid outfits.  Prince of Space claims that Krankor’s ray guns have no effect on him, but really we see he’s using his wand-thing to deflect them.  Star Man, who is from another planet, can fly and has super-strength. This kind of makes me wonder if he was intended as a Superman imitator… but that would make Space Chief and Prince of Space the equivalent of Batman, and I just can’t insult Batman like that.

I am developing an honest affection for Star Man movies.  Their desperate cheapness is more than made up for by their over-the-top absurdity, and the result is not at all ‘good’ by any reasonable measure and yet is always entertaining.  Camp like that is all too rare to find, and even rarer to find a franchise like Gamera or Star Man that can do it dependably.  I don’t know why the Japanese are apparently so good at this, but I’m glad somebody is.

[fantroll-purgatory]

@nitrodax233

Hello again! Hope yall are having a great summer so far!Here is the last of my original 11 trolls. I ended up scrapping the 12th one.

<.< welllll by the time im getting to this it’s almost summer again soooooooooo

World: Alternia

Name: Veerke: (Dutch) This name has several variations such as Veer (Dutch) and Vera (Several but primarily Russian) which means Faith and is sometimes associated with the latin word of Verus which means True.

Luniac: (Roman Mythology) A variation of Lucina which is derived from Latin lucus meaning “grove”, but later associated with lux “light”. This was the name of a Roman goddess of childbirth.

Okay, yeah this is a pretty coherent theme of “purifying flame!” I will say “Luniac” is a little on the nose, so maybe just flip some of the vowels? Lunayc, maybe? Age: ~7

Theme/Story: As you mentioned before with Tahila, Veerke is a more direct reference to the elements with hers being Fire. Story wise there is not much going on for them since they were always the odd one out. The only thing I really have for them is to later help with defusing Haneul. [Here is a quick thought, Ever since she was very young, she has run into trouble with her kind of “Psionics” which has left her as a high target for the highbloods. She has been keeping low ever since then and tries to avoid large crowds.]

Review Goals: Since I’m not very good with making trolls, especially back when I made these original 11, a general look-over would be appreciated.

Strife Specibus: Flamethrowerkind

I think that’s pretty on-the-nose, but if you want a variant that’s a little more tongue-in-cheek maybe she uses bottlekind and throws molotov cocktails? Fetch Modus: Cartridge: captchalogues items by converting them into code on a cartridge similar to those used in the Game Boy. To retrieve items from this modus, one would need to insert the cartridge, wait for the antiquated modus to load the game and then produce the item, and the item would be ready for use. Items captchalogued hastily or carelessly may be glitchy and need to be debugged before proper withdrawal.

Hmmmm. If you want something more in line with her theme, maybe she uses her psiionics to burn away the captcha card while leaving the item intact? It plays in nicely with the complications you mentioned with her powers.

Blood Color: Rust

Lunar Sway: Prospit

Title: Sylph of Hope

Symbol and Meaning: Since I made them waay before the EZ, I think it is based off of a ł from the western Slavic language

Huh. I mean Arnius, Sign of the Heedless, actually looks fairly similar to that, with the added benefit of looking like a shepherd’s crook! You might wanna consider doing a one-crook version of it!

Handle: adoxyCampology

Hmmm. You don’t explain why you gave her this trolltag. “Adoxy” could possibly mean “without belief,” which is REALLY interesting given her name, so I’m inclined to let that be but “campology” I think means…the science of camping??? Which doesn’t track quite so neatly to her.

I seem to recall that you wanted to keep initials the same, and mention that she likes the snow, so maybe we play off that contrast? What about adoxyColdsnap, both because she likes snow and because she has to keep herself “cold” avoid setting off her pyrokinesis.

Quirk:  łiterally something łike this

I think that looks good even if you end up modifying her symbol as suggested!

Special Abilities: They have an advanced form of pyrokenisis, like Neasar with sound manipulation, she can manipulate the flames themselves. The catch is that they intensify with her emotions, so if she is in a lot of stress her powers are more difficult to control.

Lusus/Guardian: My guess would be a Lizard, like a great bearded dragon.

Given her affinity for snow, I sort of want to give her Not A Lizard. Consider a caribou with flaming horns to light the way through the snow? It could cut an absolutely nightmarish silhouette in the night.

Interests: Surprisingly enough, she enjoys the snow and the coziness that comes with it. Besides that, she loves to collect rare stones and blow glass.

Personality: With the advent of her pyrokenisis being so destructive so fast, she has adapted a calm and cautious mindset, not letting her emotions get the best of her. She has been known to be easily tangled into other’s business despite their interjections. Though she has fallen far into others business, she does it out of the care for those who she can trust but due to her lack of social contact she may seem naive at times.

Land: Land of Candles and Reflections

Ehhh even though I can see how it connects it rings a little generic. Maybe Land of Faith and Foundries, covered in molten metal and temples to the Hero of Hope? It would be VERY difficult for her to stay calm there, and she would presumably need to work extensively with pyrokinesis and forges to complete her denizen’s quest.

Other than that, Veerke seems like a pretty good troll! I hope the review helped!

-TR

[thedenimdentist]

Truman Boot Co: Java Waxed Flesh MTO Review & 1 Year Update

Introduction

Truman Boot Company is an American boot making company founded in 2014 in Pennsylvania. They later moved out to Boulder, CO, and recently moved again to their current location in Eugene, OR.

This will not be so much of an in-depth review of the Java Waxed Flesh boot by Truman Boot Company, as an amazingly extensive and detailed review was already written by Nick over at stridewise.com. Instead, my goal is to provide a quick overview of my specific pair of Java Waxed Flesh boots (including the customizations I chose and their build quality), as well as provide detailed photographs capturing the patina they’ve developed over the past year. 

Customization

I designed these boots through an MTO order placed back in March 2019. The customizations I chose were as follows:

Last: P-79 last

Size: 11EE

Construction: stitchdown (+$100)

Vamp: cap toe

Heel style: standard, no pull tabs

Stitching: brown

Ankle style: plain

Tongue leather: dark brown

Hardware configuration: 7 eyelets

Hardware finish: antique brass

Toe construction: unstructured

Sole: commando

Sizing

When buying my first pair of Truman boots, I was having a really difficult time determining what size I should order. After speaking to Truman and multiple people through Instagram, it was recommended I buy a size 10EE (based on my Red Wing Iron Ranger size, 9.5EE). Man, was that off. I normally have to wear my boots with a full length orthotic, and I could barely squeeze my foot into the size 10EE boots without the insert. I had to send those back to Truman to be stretched (to a size they claimed was 10.5EE) only to find that it was still way too tight. I ultimately had to sell those boots, and ended up purchasing 3 pairs of size 11EE Trumans within 2 months. (Probably not the best idea, but luckily 11EE was my correct size, so it all worked out.)

Tl;dr: I’m a size 11EE in Truman’s P-79 last.

Above are the two lasts offered by Truman: the C-55 last and the P-79 last (image taken from the Truman website). The C-55 last was not available when I purchased my Java Waxed Flesh boots, and has more of a formal, almond-shaped toe. Unfortunately, Truman does not yet offer wide EE sizing in this C-55 last, so I wouldn’t have been able to choose it anyway.

Below I’ve listed my sizes in boots from other brands for reference:

Truman Boot Company - 11EE

Viberg (1035 last) - 10.5

Red Wing, Iron Ranger - 9.5EE

Thursdays - 10.5

Onderhoud - 44E

Parkhurst - 11

For a deeper dive into how my feet suck and why sizing is always an issue for me when buying any footwear, please refer to my Onderhoud review (here).

(Above are the orthotic inserts I wear in my boots. They’re full length memory foam, so all my boots feel like slippers. Available on Amazon.)

Above are my 3 pairs of Trumans (from left to right: Java Waxed Flesh, Black Waxy Commanders, and Aubergine Horserump), along with my Red Wing Iron Rangers. All 3 Trumans are size 11EE with unstructured toes. (I’ve heard others recommend dropping down a half size for Trumans with a structured toe box. I can’t say for sure since I’ve never tried, so don’t quote me on that.)

Price & Shipping

The base price for these boots was $380. With the $100 fee for stitchdown construction, the final price came out to be $480 (plus $18 shipping). I placed my order on 3/15/2019, they were completed and shipped on 5/17/2019, and the boots were delivered on 5/23/2019.

Leather

Java Waxed Flesh is vegetable-tanned roughout leather produced exclusively for Truman by Horween Leather Company in Chicago. The leather starts as a rich, dark java brown color with a glossy waxed finish. This durable waxy coat makes this leather extremely durable and water-resistant. However, this glossy finish will scratch and scuff away with wear, revealing a roughout surface texture with a lighter, warmer color tone.

Waxed flesh is a great leather option for those who don’t want to worry too much about leather maintenance. Other than a quick brush down every once in a while, I have yet to apply any conditioner to my boots.

Unboxing & Initial Impressions

Unfortunately, when I first received these boots I had no intention of ever writing a review for them, and thus did not take very detailed photos. However, by looking at the photos I did take (and comparing to how they look now), these boots were constructed and finished very nicely. The stitching on the uppers appears to be very clean and neat, and the patterns are symmetrical between the left and right boots.  

Straight from the box, these boots felt like tanks. The chunky commando sole gave them significant weight and made them feel very rugged and sturdy. The leather was fairly thick and stiff with a waxy gloss finish, making it feel like armor when trying them on for the first time.

One area that I wish Truman had done a little cleaner is the two rows of stitchdown welt stitching. The spacing between the two rows is a bit inconsistent, with the outer row being a little wiggly in some places. It isn’t bad by any means. There are no loose stitches and the stitch density appears fairly consistent all around (I’ve seen far sloppier welt stitching out there on Instagram). That being said, I have no complaints about the durability and functionality of the stitchdown construction on these Trumans. I have no doubt that this welt stitching would far outlast the life of the commando soles, and will present no issues with resoling when the time comes. 

I admit, I have been told that I place a higher emphasis on the cleanliness and finishing of my boots than most (I blame Jake, @almostvintagestyle). I’ve come to appreciate the extremely precise and uniform stitching I’ve seen on boots by custom boot makers such as Rizky (@onderhoud.handmade), Peng (@flamepanda11), and Goto-San of White Kloud (@show_goto). I acknowledge that the precision and uniformity of a boot’s welt stitching mostly just aesthetics and has little effect on the durability/longevity of a boot (as long as it doesn’t fall apart or any cause issues with resoling in the future). However, I still believe that how cleanly a boot is constructed speaks to the craftsmanship and overall attention to detail of the boot maker, making me proud to own, wear, and post photos of their work.

(The very clean and uniform welt stitching on my Onderhoud derbies.)

1 Year & 139 Wears Later

As the header states, I have worn these Java Waxed Flesh boots 139 times over the past year (actually 11 months, but as the world is currently closed due to COVID-19, these boots probably won’t be worn much more over the next month anyway). The waxed flesh leather has broken in significantly and is much more flexible and comfortable. However, the leather still feels very thick and rugged, especially in comparison to my other smoothout leather boots. I admit, these are not my most comfortable pair. Even fully broken in, this waxed flesh leather is not nearly as comfortable as the Aubergine Horserump used on my other pair of Trumans (which were soft and pliable from the start). However, these javas are definitely my most heavy-duty boots. I feel like I could go into battle with these while still maintaining that slimmer, service boot silhouette.

You can tell by the rolls and creases in the leather that the leather has conformed nicely to my feet. Also, at this angle you can really see the uneven, asymmetric, and wiggly welt stitching that I mentioned previously (especially on the outside of the right boot). 

Here is a top-down view of the toe shape of the P-79 last in size 11EE (wide).

As I stated earlier, these boots are rugged tanks and can withstand quite a beating. However, being a dentist living in the suburbs, I don’t subject these boots (or any of my boots really) to the outdoor manual labor for which they were built. The smooth waxy coating has only really scuffed away in areas of high flexure (where my toes crease and around the neck of the boot where I wrap my laces). Other than that, the majority of the boots still maintain the glossy shine, even after nearly 140 wears.

Looking back, one thing that I might’ve changed is getting a dainite instead of the commando sole. I opted for the commando sole because I felt like it complemented the rugged aesthetic of the waxed flesh leather. However, as these boots are worn mostly at work in a dental office and walking casually around Target, the functional traction the commando soles provide has had little use for me. I actually prefer the dainite soles of my other Truman boots, as my feet feel more balanced and sturdy on the ground. (This may be because the width of the commando sole actually in contact with the ground is significantly narrower than my feet, as you can see in the photo above.) Ultimately, this is still just my personal preference. There is nothing wrong with the commando sole used by Truman. When the time comes for a resole, I’ll probably send them to Brian at Role Club for some half soles and a low woodsman heel.

I’ve read online that some people find the heel (counter) of Truman boots to be bulbous and wide, resulting in some heel slip. Personally I haven’t had any issues with the heel.

While my boot collection is still fairly small, I can definitely say that I prefer unstructured over structured toe boxes. I absolutely love the silhouette of a boot after the leather has broken in and the toe has fully collapsed, conforming to the shape of the owner’s foot. The toe boxes of these Trumans have partially collapsed, and I look forward to seeing how they continue to mold to my feet in the future.

Conclusion

Overall, I am very happy with the construction quality of these boots by Truman, as well as how they’ve broken in over the past year. They are by far the most rugged boot I own (other than my Red Wing Iron Rangers), and would be my first choice should I ever need to do anything outdoors (like hike, or go camping, or whatever). The waxed finish of the leather still has a lot of life to it (I’m guessing, based on the amount of sheen still left on the boot), and I look forward to see how they look after another year of wear.

In the Wild

Below, I’ve compiled a few extra photos I’ve taken of these Java Waxed Flesh boots as I’ve broken them in over the past year. For more photos of these boots, as well as the rest of my denim and boots collection, please check out my Instagram (@thedenimdentist). 

[the-aaron-burmeister]

Flatiron Denver - Where I came from, Why I Came Here, and What I Think About It

Where I Came From

Who are you, anyways, Aaron Burmeister? Before coming to join Flatiron in Denver, I led a pretty unfulfilling professional life in Ellsworth, Maine. After graduating from Rensselaer Polytechnic Institute with a degree in Biochemistry/Biophysics, I returned to my old stomping grounds with 2 goals in mind: A) Get a job at the local laboratory, The Jackson Laboratory in Bar Harbor, utilizing my shiny new degree and B) pay off my student loans. And I managed to do both of those over the next 5 years. I managed to get a job working at the Transgenic Genotyping Services group at the laboratory. They are in charge of validating a lot of the mice produced by the lab for use in research laboratories around the world. We make sure those mice have the mutations we are trying to cure. After several years, however, it became increasingly apparent that there wasn’t much vertical movement to be made - many of the better paying positions required Master’s or, more often, Doctoral degrees. However, I stayed in order to pay off my student loans because the money was good and I could live on my parents property for minimal cost. In addition, I started working on a Master’s in Bioinformatics at UMaine (as well as working my job). 

In early 2019, my girlfriend got accepted to a PhD program in Lincoln, Nebraska, and wanted to move in with me. Seeing as I had just paid off my debt, I agreed. At this point I had become somewhat disillusioned with biology. My career path would have required me to get a doctoral degree and work as a post-doc - something which I had no particular interest in. However, something I did have interest in was programming. Courses taken in the past and present drove me more and more into coding. I’ve always enjoyed using computers. Thus I started looking into ways to become a programmer without necessarily heading back to a 4-year college.

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Why I Came Here

I asked my cousin, who at the time was in charge of hiring new programmers and software developers for startups in NYC, for advice on which bootcamps seemed to actually deliver capable candidates. She sent me a list of a few: App Academy, Flatiron, and I can’t remember the rest. I looked up all the schools and had a few criteria for deciding: A) I value my work-life balance. I heard and read about people who went to AppAcademy work 100+ hour weeks. I thought that was insane. I’d rather take a longer boot camp that gave me time to recharge. B) I was interested in programs that offered an Income Sharing Agreement because I was running low on funds. I also felt like schools that offered these might be a bit more invested in helping me to get a job afterwards. C) I was interested in a campus relatively close to Lincoln, NE. Flatiron was the only one on the list that had one in Denver. 

These were my primary motivators to apply to Flatiron, and only Flatiron. I had no idea what the culture would be like, the instructors, or anything like that, but I did know that I wanted to learn how to be a good programmer and I would give it my all. Little did I know.

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What I Think About It

Now I am here, in Denver, having just finished my 3rd week at Flatiron. Here’s what I think and why:

The Culture - The culture has been kind of hard to describe, honestly. It almost feels a little surreal sometimes. It’s like a bunch of millennials got together and said “What if we took all the bad stuff out of school? What if we took all the bad stuff out of culture?”. Everybody seems to genuinely care about each other here, respect each other, and foster a learning environment. We aren’t just lectured at, but interacted with. Students are encouraged to teach other students, instructors come by just to say hi and see what you are working on. It’s honestly like nothing I’ve ever experienced before. And I’ve got to say - it feels amazingly refreshing. It makes wonder why the entire world isn’t like this. It just makes so much sense. We are encouraged to share our feelings with each other WITHOUT inviting comments from others. We’re encouraged to take risks, and fail sometimes. It’s okay to fail. Nobody is perfect.

The Curriculum - I can only speak to the first 3 weeks here, but we’ve basically covered the basics of Ruby programming during this time. Week 1 of the mod we have classes to help us to understand what we’re doing. The best part is, if you are having trouble with a particular concept, you can request a lesson on it. The staff will either host one that same day, or the next. What if you’re the only one? You can get a one-on-one session with an instructor. Week 2 is the week of the Coding Challenge. During this week we take a test of Flatiron’s design to test our knowledge gathered during the previous week. The best part is, you can take it up to 4 times. You can go in, realize you need to brush up on a particular concept, study that night, come in the next day, and totally nail the challenge. It takes the edge off compared to an exam in school, where you only have one shot (not to mention a lot of times tests can vary wildly in style between professors). Week 3 is Project week. This is the week where you either work by yourself (in the latter half of the boot camp) or you work with a partner to bring a project of your own design to fruition. I’ll give a little detail on my first project week below. At the end of the week, you present your projects in front of the entire boot camp. That’s it. There are no visible grades to stress over. Once again, very refreshing.

The Instructors - This is the highlight that I was not expecting when I came here. All the instructors care about you. They walk by, engage you in conversation, help you to improve your projects, and want you to succeed. It is obvious by how they speak that they care about the students and that they treat it more than just a job. They are all very friendly and approachable to boot. The respect they give us reflects the values of Flatiron. Nobody is haughty or in an ivory tower. Many of them were in past cohorts not a year before. What results is a very friendly, welcoming atmosphere. I can’t say enough good things about the instructors here.

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Mod 1 Project Week

I just wanted to touch on this briefly. This was perhaps the best group project I’ve ever experienced, and I think that the culture of Flatiron helped to facilitate that. We had a three person group, and despite the increased logistics that demands, our project went as smooth as butter. Our communication was excellent (we all agreed on rules for the group as far as staying late, how to communicate with each other). I think we all felt like we made a significant impact on the final project. One member had to leave partway through the week - we still managed to cobble together a Zoom meeting to make a required video and give the travelling member parts to work on. Another member was having trouble understanding the code we had written so far, so the other two took several hours to stop all work on the project and make sure the third understood why we coded what we did. And it was well worth it.

I just wanted to highlight this experience because it is fairly unique (at least for me). Usually groups have one person who coasts, one who does all the work, etc. I thought it was fairly notable that our group was not like that.

At any rate I’ve rambled enough for one blog post. Future posts I make will be more technical in nature - perhaps performing a deep dive into a subject or discussing some code from a project. Thanks for reading!

[centaurianthropology]

The Magnus Archives ‘Civilian Casualties’ (S04E05) Analysis

Well, that’s not an ominous title, now is it?  Come on in to hear my thoughts about ‘Civilian Casualties’.

The statement is one a lot like ‘Grifter’s Bone’, though almost not as interesting to me.  I suppose occasionally there will be one that just doesn’t play into my fears, and violent death and gore just don’t really frighten me.  The vast and uncaring void?  Oh, yeah. The weirdness of the Flesh? Definitely.  But the Slaughter as a power just doesn’t have that effect on me. This is certainly not a knock on the story, which was fairly well-told, if a tad cliché, but it just didn’t dig into my own fears, so I’m probably not the one to say if it achieved its goal of spooking people who are spooked by such things.

So the statement itself felt fairly unremarkable for me, but there were a few points of interest regarding the happenings in this story compared to other Slaughter stories.  Jon concluded that it involved a Leitner, given that there was a book clutched in the librarian’s hand with nothing but blank pages.  The effects, though, feel very close to what Grifter’s Bone managed to do to people. Possibly a connection between band and book?

Whatever it is, it left Jon musing about control, which definitely feels like a developing theme. And he’s certainly right that there’s a definite degree of fear in losing all control, just as there’s a different but equally powerful fear that all his actions, no matter how horrible, are totally his own.  Because blaming a monster would be easy.  Hell, it might even be partly true.  The Archivist’s distinction from Jon is questionable, moreso now that Jon’s given in and started calling himself by that name.  But Jon still seems very much in possession of his faculties.  He seems to know himself almost more now than he did before his coma.  All that paranoia is stripped away, and he has to face the man he really is.

And that’s potentially terrifying, depending on what he realizes about himself.

Jon is also very much turning inward.  With Martin actively avoiding him, Jon is at loose ends.  He’s spent his time since last episode wandering around, apparently, and though he’s seen signs of other powers (the Darkness, the Web, and maybe even the Stranger), it’s interesting that none have actually approached him. None have attacked him.  Is that an effect of the Archivist or an effect of the Lonely keeping everything at bay?

And yet somehow, through all that, Jon started drawing conclusions still.  Somehow, he realized that the bullet in Melanie’s leg was what was turning her so rapidly toward the slaughter, and that it was getting worse. His plan, of course, was to enlist Basira to dig it out while Melanie had drugged herself to sleep.  What’s interesting is that Jon’s idea was apparently to talk to Melanie and get her cooperation first, while it was Basira who insisted they get the bullet while she was asleep.  It’s good to see Jon want to reach out to his friends, though I imagine that Basira’s greater experience with Melanie’s rapid decline informed her own approach.  Apparently both she and Basira are sleeping on camp beds in the Archives, so I imagine Basira has heard and seen a lot in these six months.  Martin isn’t sleeping there, though his arrangements were uncertain.

What is certain is that Jon’s powers have taken on new dimensions.  When he looked at Melanie’s leg, he could see through it to the rot inside, complete with Archivist static.  He could see the bullet that wasn’t there.  That’s … a lot more than we’ve seen from him so far.

As, apparently, is his ability to gather knowledge.  Not only did he know what happened to Melanie and even potentially how to address it, but Jon’s Beholding brain decided that a normal local anesthetic wasn’t enough. Nooo, he had to go for what sounds like a fucking femoral nerve block.

Sorry for a bit of a medical detour, but that’s HARD.  Like, trained anesthesiologist hard.  It’s almost always done with ultrasound because where you need to inject the femoral nerve in order to take out sensation throughout the front of the thigh and knee (my best guess is that Melanie was shot in the meat of the thigh), you need to inject high up, almost at the groin.  The problem is that the nerve runs right next to (and I mean bundled in the same sheath with) the femoral artery and vein.  Inject high-potency local anesthesia into one of them? They swing back around, stop your heart, and you die.  This is not a low-risk procedure.  And even if she was shot somewhere else?  Those other nerve blocks are just as difficult, almost always performed with ultrasound, and are also very risky if not done by a highly trained professional. But Jon nailed it, literally. That’s insane.  That means that he not only has knowledge, but can put that knowledge into highly specialized practice.  

And he got it, right before she awoke and everything went nuts.  He’s the breakdown, as far as I could hear it:

Melanie, realizing she couldn’t feel her leg, immediately freaked out and fought back.  She got her hands on either the scalpel or the scissors and stabbed Jon.  Basira tried to calm Melanie, while Jon apparently insisted they both leave.  I actually thought it was Martin at first, coming in and dragging Jon out.  I’m still not entirely certain I didn’t hear Martin during the final scuffle, but Jonny confirmed that Martin hadn’t been written into the episode, so either Alex went off book or, more likely, his credit in the episode was erroneous.  

Which is really too bad, because it would have been an interesting dynamic to explore that Martin is apparently lurking and watching and had to step in.  But apparently not.  He either knew and didn’t step in, or simply wasn’t there.  So, instead we have Melanie freaking out, Jon injured, and Basira caught in the middle.  No Martin anywhere.  No telling where he is.

And after that reveal on the Discord, I’m a lot less hopeful after the episode.  I was really hoping that the entire Archival staff ended up together at the end, but instead we just have a mess.  It’s not clear if Jon can get out, or if how much Melanie wants him dead and how much she’s just terrified and confused.  The bullet is out, but Melanie is still clearly affected by the Slaughter.  The infection isn’t gone, even if the nidus has been removed.  That’ll take her system a lot longer to clear, and it’s liable to leave certain scars behind.  I’ll be interested to see if she can improve now that the bullet’s out, or if she’s changed in certain ways for good.  I’ll also be interested in her perspectives on losing herself to the Slaughter, because, if she can see him as something other than a monster needing killing, Jon could learn a lot from her experiences.

There is some glimmer of hope that things can get better with that end, but it’s only a slight glimmer. The fact that Basira could recognize that something was wrong with Melanie, and trusted Jon enough to work with him to save Melanie was encouraging.  And though she talked a big talk about letting Melanie kill Jon if she woke, Basira immediately stepped in to talk her down rather than let her escalate further.

Melanie sounded less infuriated at the end, and more terrified.  The thing that’s been creeping into her system for so long is gone, and the awakening was clearly brutal.  She’s got a new set of instincts and abilities that are not her own, just like Jon, and just like him she must question how much of her is HER.  

And I do appreciate that Jon wanted to talk to Melanie, rather than sneaking in and digging the bullet out in secret.  It’s a sign that he really is trying to be a better person.  And while I’m disappointed that the voice at the end saying “We have to get out of here!” which I could have sworn was Martin, was actually Jon, I’m hoping that we’ll address his situation sooner rather than later. I would love to think he’s been watching over the Archives and stepped in right at the end, but apparently no.  So we’ve got three of the people in the Archives at least stumbling away from complete disaster, and the fourth still AWOL. All in all, things are still fairly bleak, with only a hint that things might get better.

Conclusions

Not a lot more to say about this one.  An unremarkable statement led to a pivotal conclusion for Jon, and may have led to Melanie being saved from falling completely to the Slaughter.  It’s at least some promise, but things are still pretty bleak for the Archival staff.  There’s no telling how much of Melanie is left in Melanie, Jon’s been stabbed again, Basira’s caught between them, and Martin’s still AWOL.  I’m hoping that we’ve started the turn toward something less unremittingly depressing with this action, but I suppose we’ll see how everything falls out next week.

[treeofsalvation-blog]

Safety | Nadiel/Mercy | Etrian Odyssey Nexus Oneshot

Note: I actually did it. I wrote something. These two are becoming one of my new favourite pairings. I hadn’t originally planned them to be a pair but after seeing how well they work together, it now makes total sense. I’ll try a fic from Mercy’s POV next. Maybe. If inspiration strikes. We’ll see. Let me know what you think of this pair in any case.

Characters: Nadiel (young male shogun ♂) and Mercy (alt younger medic *male portrait* ♀). 

--

"We're going to need to camp overnight. Everyone cool with that?"

As the others of the party agree, either enthusiastically or with grumbling annoyance, Nadiel turns to look over toward Mercy. And finds the practical medic nodding her head also. Though she wears her calming smile and her flawless express that of peacefulness, Nadiel can see a hint of hesitation in her eyes. He wants to ask her if she is really ok with their impromptu overnight camping, but he knows what the answer will be. She will claim that she is and that there's no need to fuss over her. And certainly not to fuss over her in front of the others.

Mercy has a great aversion to causing worry or troubles for others.

Nadiel knows full well why Mercy is hesitant to camp. The last time she had spent an entire night in the labyrinth was when she and Nadiel had been separated from their prince and chased by a band of assassins ready to finish off the remaining stragglers of their prince's party. But then there was just the two of them and they had spent more than one night roughing it with primitive camping.

Nadiel himself doesn't remember much of that time to be honest. He had been too busy on high alert for any danger or menace. In the Lush Woodlands at the time, there were plenty of nasties within the thick foliage around them. That in itself had been their saving grace as well as their menace. The assassins that followed them also had to content with the raging bears that inhabit that forest. And those bears were not fond of aggressive intruders.

This time is different, though. And Mercy herself is likely to understand that and that is why she agrees to the idea.

Waterfall Woods are vastly different to Lush Woodlands. But the sentiment stays the same; they were in the labyrinth, overnight, surrounded by monsters. And possibly anything else that wishes to trek the labyrinth at night, too. And the thought of those assassins returning is always at the back of their minds. Their surroundings however is a small reminder of home, too.

A place they may or may not return to...

It doesn't matter now. Nadiel is with his sister and the sister of his prince. He is by Mercy's side, too. Mercy is safe now, with him and with their new, very large, and incredibly protective guild.

Seeing that there is no other choice, Nadiel sets about helping his party members ready themselves for a overnight stay. Find a secluded spot that does have an escape point. Space to lay down a quick campsite. Wood for a fire. Food to cook over said fire. They all move quickly so they have everything they need before night is fully upon them.

As night finally falls around them, Nadiel's gaze wanders over to Mercy once more. She is the one who takes on the role of cook for the night, her medical coat cast aside as she rolls up her sleeves. Everyone else idly paces the boundaries of their campsite. Keeping one eye on their surroundings, and the other on each other.

And as they move about, Mercy is jumping ever so slightly at each noise from the wilderness around them. Each time she tenses, she purposely relaxes her posture and seem to mutter a few words of frustration toward herself.

With her dark pink shirt, and blue trousers that sit snugly on her hips and fits perfectly against her legs, Mercy has always valued practicality over style. Her hair long enough to be placed in a small ponytail and out of her eyes. She carries only the essentials in her blue medical bag. She is calm, practical, and resourceful. And keeps many of her concerns to herself.

Her greatest fear is to be a burden. Someone who is in the way and causes trouble for others. She never wants to be the one responsible for the pain of another.

That is why she's reluctant to admit how nervous she really is. But Nadiel can tell. And he's fairly certain that the others of their party can tell as well. Thankfully they do not say anything. They know she would deny it and try harder to keep her unease hidden.

Nadiel walks over to her, purposely loudly so not to frighten her. Mercy looks up from what she's doing to give her one of her sweet little smiles. He can tell that there is a hint of gratitude to her smile however.

"Food is almost ready," Mercy says.

"Are you all right?" Nadiel asks instead.

Mercy pauses in her cooking for a short while before a short sigh passes her lips. And surprisingly she decides to be honest with him. "I'm...as fine as I can be, I suppose. I've been camping overnight in a labyrinth before. Just not after..."

Not after they were stranded and then hunted by assassins for five days and nights straight.

"This is different, though," she continues, more so attempting to reassure herself. "We have an Ariadne Thread and we have companions."

And they have companions waiting for them back in Maginia. Should they be any longer than two days, they will come looking for them. His sister, Opal, likely to be at the forefront of that search party.

"And you're not injured now...because of me."

Nadiel utters a sigh. He had received multiple injuries while attempting to protect his prince before being forced to go on the run with Mercy. The gentle medic blamed herself for many of his injuries. Less than half of the injuries Nadiel had sustain during that first battle against the assassins occurred while he tried to protect His Highness. The others were from when he tried and succeeded for the most part to protect Mercy.

Their nights lost within the Lush Woodlands were significantly harder on Mercy. She is not an offensive fighter. But she had to take on the role of strategist and survivalist as they laid low and hid from those assassins. Nadiel's only goal was to keep her safe, uncaring of his injuries. Her goal was to keep him alive with the bare essentials that she had to do so.

Nadiel abruptly closes the distance between him and Mercy and pulls the pink-haired medic into a hug. When he feels her tremble softly, he holds her tightly as he leans down and rests his head on her shoulder. He whispers into her ear all the things that wasn't her fault during that time. How he was alive because of her. How he had reunited with his sister because of her. How he got through that dark time because of her.

Mercy wraps her arms around him in return and just nods her head quietly. Her grip on him tightens every once in a while, as if she's attempting to reassure herself that what he's saying is true.

He'll tell her as many times as she needs to hear it, until she believes it.

"Hey, Love-birds; food ready?"

Nadiel reluctantly pulls away from Mercy to shoot a glare in their guildmate's direction. He can easily see that they were busy.

Mercy flushes lightly as she takes a half step back. "Ah, yes. Food's ready. Sorry for the wait."

She gives Nadiel one of her sweet little smiles once again as she hands him a plate of food.

Nadiel retrieves his food and moves to take a seat on the grass as Mercy hands out food to everyone else. After she's done, she takes her own plate and sits down on the grass right next to him. Staying as close as possible. Now, with everyone sitting down, chatting idly and laughing, it helps lighten Mercy's silent unease further.

With Sinclair launching into one of his long-winded stories, Nadiel slips off his coat and drapes it around Mercy's shoulders. Again, she gives him one of her sweet little smiles. As the night darkens, Mercy snuggles closer to Nadiel, seeking both warm and comfort from him. He wraps an arm around her shoulders as she leans her head against his.

The bright fire, the carefree chatter, the knowledge that they could leave any time they wish was reassuring. Comforting in a way.

That time they had spent running for their lives was over. And it won't happen again.

Mercy tilts her head back to place a sudden kiss to Nadiel's cheek. As he turns to look at her, she gazes at him softly. "As long as I'm with you I'm safe."

Nadiel tightens his arm around her shoulders to pull her closer to him, and allowing him to kiss her softly but deeply. She melts in his arms and he has to remind himself that they have others present, even though they were currently amused by Sinclair's wild tale.

Yes, she was safe. And he will do whatever it takes to ensure that she stays safe.

[thesleepingbinch]

🥄🥄🥄

N O !

-Harrods? When? Have I, has the enterity of London – nay, the UK – unbeknowest of ourselves delighted in Certified Noob® Baked Goods? Världen är  p y t t e l i t e n  my fellow Barbarian. ‘Tis sad that you’re not there now.**    **(b/c #fikagoshdarnit!)

Ah, thanks a munch for clueing me in on The Spoon Theory as it applies here: units of energy-per-activity. Interesting. So, how many spoons do you have today? (And are they full of sugar, …or sourdough?) The whole low 🥄-status > doc > FK > managing basic life™ > lower 🥄-status > ♻ … Can’t imagine the added stress. Hopefully the doc<>FK correlation can solve that bit, at least (?). It should feel nice to know that you can start living and take steps forward in life, no?

Speaking of which; what would you like to do now moving forward (aside from nimble  b o i s)? You are obviously creative – and doing creative shenanigans should have positive effects on spoon status, right? Bonus: they are allowed to take however much time they take.

Getting out of your 🥄drawer now. Hope you’ve had a nice Midsommarhelg with the Noob Fam and given the chance to replenish the happy feels! :)

Love, W

*(Ps. did you get the card recs? No need to pub. Just checking, since Tumblr is a little godisgris, munching on asks & subs. Ds.)

______________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

Ah, Raring Wemps! So I am finally sitting down to reply to this lovely master post after the longest wait in history! (I do feel better knowing you’ve been diving into the ocean and living in #smultronsnåret, can’t get better than that, can it?). Grab a cup of coffee and get comfortable because this will be quite the long read (förlåt).

It was a long time ago since I was in London. 2012 to be precise. It’s high up on my list of places to get back to (for living) once I get better and start getting all this illness stuff under control (DoucheDoc™ laughed when he asked me what my goal was and I bluntly said ‘To get good enough to get the fuck out of here and go back to exploring the world’. Admitting he couldn’t help me with that right now, he did say he appreciated the answer). However, my invitation for fresh sea delicacies if you’d ever come a little south of that N60° border is still open. 

Sadly the doc >> FK mess is getting even deeper. The “doctor” FK turns to for consultation when the medical issues exceed the normal levels they are used to seem to have absolutely no idea what ME/CFS is and is suggesting I am ill because I am inactive (while my specialist doctor think I am already almost doing too much for my condition before we have managed to find that fine line where it goes from being ok to too much), and need exercise therapy - something my specialist clinic doesn’t even offer because it has a higher rate of making people sicker than better. So things are gonna go further, we’re getting ready to make an appeal on their ruling, and I am just completely drained already. So things have not been looking great in this department - but I’ve managed to take some time off to be by the salty sea and watching horror movies until the morning light is coming up again with dear FreshNoob friends so even though one side of my life seem to be crashing and burning, it’s not all dark and dreadful! 

Creative things do have a MAJOR positive effect on both mood and in a sense my spoons as well (or rather, it is spoons well spent, if you catch my drift?). I am working on identifying what kind of things drain me of spoons and what could possibly give me some spoons or which - at the very least - give me a very positive emotional payoff doing. I am looking for ways to get my hands on an iPad Pro and Apple Pencil (my god why are they so expensive? :sweat: ), because that way I can bring my creative stuff with me everywhere and even do it on bed on the days when I am feeling too rough to do much. It could also serve as a smaller side income, selling prints and such, eventually ... so this is really an option I am looking into! 

Also, I absolutely LOVED your tarot suggestions, tack så hemskt mycket raring! And I did both laugh and get a little frustrated because the top deck you suggested (Jolandas) ... I already own. I just can’t find it. It’s a funny story, I went into her little shop in Gamla stan as a wee little 14-15ish year old Fresh Noob (so REALLY fresh) looking to dive into this mysterious world, and I got it and she signed the book for me (Krax pax!). I’ve been looking for this deck for months now, but I can’t find it. I’m scared one of my mum’s ex’s got it with him taking his stuff from the basement (a moment of silence, please ...). 

I’ve also already been throwing some serious eyes on The Wild Unknown deck, I love the colour bursts in it and the overall simple design is really appealing. I have had some mixed feelings wondering if perhaps it’s a little too simplistic and will be hard for someone new like me - but then, maybe I have enough creativity in my head to fill out the picture myself. A huge plus is that it’s fairly inexpensive to get as well (we really stan that at the moment with thet FK struggle!).

Scouting the vast interwebs trying to find a tarot deck for my dear Bästis after she expressed interest in getting one herself after seeing my deck on the table, I did stumble upon a real masterpiece though. I mean, it was love at first sight, I am obsessed. I check back at it like at least once a day and I am just like, ugh ... look at this thing! It’s the gilded Marigold Tarot deck. Quite a dark theme, but oh my, it’s absolutely gorgeous! I can’t get it out of my head! The $60-80 price tag is quite a hefty one though, at least for the time being. I can’t really justify spending that money on a tarot deck with the struggle currently going on with FK ... 

The deck I have right now is the Gateway to the Divine Tarot. It’s a really nice deck, very detailed and everything. But I just don’t vibe with it ... 😥😥😥 I pull cards, I look at them, and then I just sort of feel this ‘ugh’ feeling inside and shove them away. Because even though the imagery is really nice and eye-catching it doesn’t hold my attention and I just, ... I don’t like it? Does it make sense? Am I being a spoiled and difficult Fresh Noob here? lol 

Wemps raring, gosh, did that little mini forecast make me both happy and a little frustrated (I mean, the patience part ... I really have to work on that one, don’t I??). I did snort and laugh a little though when you said you got The Star, because ... lately I’ve been all surrounded by stars. My whole mantra/theme for July was in fact a star studded one! (And let’s not mention how my friend has been pushing for me to change camps and start rooting for a certain Star-named hockey team lately as well ...)

Also, a small story (because why not make this HUGE post even longer, right??) - I have a really special connection to the Sun card. Not particularly the meaning of it, but the name and the imagery. Darling Fresh Noob Granny passed away when I was a mere wee little girl of the small age of six. Way way too soon. We had quite a special bond, everyone always kept commenting on it, and she always called me her sun (and she was my moon). So whenever the sun card comes up (no matter what the position), Fresh Noob do get a little sappy and take it as a small nod from Granny. 

THAT’S IT. Gosh, what a lengthy blabbering drag this turned into. I’m sorry, raring Wempy. All the smultron and wienerbröd to you if you managed to stick through this all, you’ve earned them! Now, it’s time for this little one to get up and keep following her own star ... 

[liamhaydn-blog]

The Argentina Problem & The need for Dictator Messi

Lionel Messi uses week old babies to do kickups with, he spits in the face of elderly women and burns money infront of the homeless. These are all headlines you won’t ever see, and that’s because they aren’t things that have ever or will ever happen, but he must  have done something.  

Something morally wrong, something really corruptible for otherwise there is no fair reason why a simple humble guy who has done nothing other than raise a family with his one true love and entertain us with breathtakingly consistent talent with a football should be forced to play in the Argentina national side.

On Saturday night Argentina began their Copa America campaign. The first step towards ending their 26 year wait for a major trophy. For Messi, it is his ninth major international tournament for the Argies, and his 5th Copa America.

It’s hard to recall a time Argentina had gone into a Copa America less fancied (it didn’t take long to see why). There was some fleeting hope among the more optimistic Messi/Argentina supporters that maybe these low expectations would work in the teams favour. After the huge pressure of going into the last two Copas expecting themselves to win, maybe the lack of expectation this time would allow them to play with less pressure and they could end up surprising a few people.

As it turned out, no one was surprised with Argentina on Saturday night. The only slight surprise maybe, is that somehow they’ve managed to get worse from the World Cup last summer. 

It was a match we’ve seen Argentina involved in time and time again over the last several years. The defence and midfield too poor with the ball to regularly involve the teams star attackers (not just Messi, the team also has Aguero and Di Maria who play for two of the best teams of the world, but you would be forgiven for forgetting as they’re rarely spotted for the Albiceleste), then the forwards when they do receive the ball usually only have one player ahead or level with them with no sign of the Argentine full backs being anywhere near the opposition final 3rd (atleast they make up for it with their defending right...Right!?..) 

Regarding Lionel Messi, apart from big players who have represented proper minnow nations (George Weah with Liberia for example) it is hard to imagine any player having to deal with more of a stark contrast between their current club side and international side. 

But this is not a minnow nation, this is  Argentina, one of the most formidable powerhouses in International Football. 14 time champions of South America and since they made the final of the inaugural World Cup in 1930, they’ve been back in the showpiece final 4 more times twice winning the greatest prize of them all.

And yet for the last few years the difference between Argentina and FC Barcelona has been the difference between night and day. That’s not to say it’s been all plain sailing at Barca, just one Champions League semi final appearance since they lifted the trophy in 2015 is underachieving by their standards, and the Roma and Liverpool defeats were unforgivable. 

Barca’s hysterical fanbase have been relentless in their insistence that their club is in a real crisis and whilst undoubtedly they are not without issues, in the real world they’ve won a major trophy in 10 out of the last 11 seasons and they’ve claimed the domestic crown (in the opinion of many including me the strongest league in the world) 5 out of the last 7 seasons. 

In 10 games Barca will win 8 of them, Messi will score 9 and assist another 4. Some crisis. It seems as though Messi sees more of the ball and is involved in more openings in the first 10 minutes of a Barcelona game at the Nou Camp than in 90 minutes of an Argentina game. 

Watching Messi in an Argentina match has a strange effect. Simultaneously the 90 minutes drags along, time crawls by whilst also feeling nowhere near long enough for Messi to impact the game. It feels like only by extending Argentina matches to 4 hours long could we hope to see Messi do half of what he does in a game for Barcelona, in an Argentina shirt. 

With just the standard 90 minutes, Messi is usually limited to one good piece of play per Argentina game (be it one good dribble, pass, shot etc.) and one half chance (usually a free kick from a long way out). 

Compared to the dramatic transformation of the European game, South American football feels like a throwback to the game of old, it doesn’t appear to have changed that much since the days of Diego Maradona. The pitches aren’t perfect, the games are very rough, physical, often even ugly. To highlight the difference in style and approach between Football’s two most successful continents, take this statistic: in 51 games at Euro 2016, there were 3 red cards. After 5 matches at this years Copa America, two red cards had already been shown.

Most South American teams seem to take a very conservative, defence first approach. The number of players teams put between the ball and their goal only serves to highlight further just how isolating it is playing as an attacking player in this Argentina team. They’re regularly attacking with just 3 or 4 bodies with 7 opposition players back defending their goal. Of course the only South American team bar the minnows who don’t have a solid defence in place is...Argentina. Nicolas Otamendi? How did this guy actually convince people he can defend? All over the show.

Though the problem has undoubtedly got worse in recent years, in this ‘Messi Era’  Argentina have often had issues scoring against South American opposition in competitive football. Messi’s combined Copa America and World Cup Qualifier record  is 29 goals in 67 games which is by no means a disgrace, but this is a player who at his scoring peak scored 91 goals in a calendar year, who has scored over 40 goals a season for 10(!) consecutive seasons.

Sergio Aguero has 16 Copa America + WCQ goals and Angel Di Maria just 9. In comparison, 22 of Chile International Eduardo Vargas’ 38 international goals have been scored at either the Copa America or in a WCQ.

These problems in finding the net will likely continue for the Argies against Paraguay and if not, the respite will only be a short one, resuming as soon as they face above mediocre opposition in the next stage. That is assuming they get that far, as failing to get the right results against Paraguay and Qatar would be their first group stage exit at the tournament since 1983 and would surely be one of the lowest moments in the history of Argentinian football.

So what can Argentina do about it? well there’s lot they could do about it, lots they could try, but what *will* they do about it? what are they willing to do about it? very little would be my guess. 

All hope of change from the fairly disastrous 2018 World Cup had been pinned on the introduction of Lo Celso into the side and how he would be able to link the midfield to the attack and establish a good partnership with Leo Messi. If Saturday night is anything to go by, this one player will not be enough to remotely come close to lifting Argentina’s fortunes. 

So it appears Argentina will insist on plodding on with the same tried and failed formula, perhaps doing enough to scrape past Paraguay and Qatar before succumbing against the next above mediocre team they face.

It is maddening how little Argentina seem to be willing to change, and whenever they do make a change it always seems like such a random throwaway selection of personnel, done without any real conviction or hope it will bring about improvement. 

For arguments sake here’s how I would look to address The Argentina Problem. First I would move Messi into Midfield. It’s maybe a bit bold to move a player into a position he’s never played before in the middle of a tournament and I can’t understand why its never been experimented with before in friendlies. 

Desperate times call for desperate measures. Messi is the best footballer Argentina have, the best footballer anyone has, there is zero benefit to having him play in a forward position at the moment where he is so isolated and seeing the ball so rarely. He is the best passer in the world, he will be able to keep the ball better than any of their other midfield options and can hit passes that few can see, but as well he is also a calm player with a cool head who can steady Argentina from the middle and allow them to keep the ball for a while, which at the moment they are completely unable to do.

This also gives Messi the opportunity to dribble from deep and have options infront of him, he will attract many opposition players when he has the ball which should free up more space for the attackers. It’s long been thought that Messi would flourish in centre midfield when his pace left him and though we’re not at that stage yet, with Messi’s passing range and football intelligence combined with his current ineffectiveness in the side I believe the time is now here to try Messi in centre midfield for these final 2 group games.

Ahead of Messi, I would make Dybala a starter in the side. At the moment he doesn’t ever even feature off the bench. Imagine that, a team struggling as much as this one for goals and for quality completely ignores a man who can give them both in abundance if his Juventus career is anything to go by. He’s 25 years old, not a kid and only has 1 goal for his national side due to opportunities being so stark. 

Unless they want another Carlos Tevez on their hands (a world class player whose international career was wasted, scoring just 13 goals over 11 years due to being in and out of the side)  Argentina must trust Dybala sooner rather than later and give him the opportunity to prove himself. It was ridiculous that at last years World Cup he was behind Higuaín in the pecking order and its ridiculous that he still now isn't getting a look-in.

Adding another top class attacker into this side would also give defences more to think about and give the current attackers so much needed support. There needs to be much more fluidity and movement in the Argentine attack, Di Maria is allowing games to pass him by whilst he stands out wide not doing anything. Dybala and Di Maria could switch positions during games, drifting all over.  

Argentina’s defence are appalling so the best way to combat that in the short term could be to just go top heavy, try to outscore teams and hope that by stacking their attack with the best players they have, teams are more wary and respectful of them. Because at the moment they are causing zero fear or worry for the opposition. 

Looking past this tournament, I would also ensure Mauro Icardi is included in every squad from now on, playing as much as possible. I get that he’s a dick and has a bad attitude which may prevent him from hitting the heights he could hit in football, but he’s a brilliant goalscorer. He only needs one chance, one touch. He scored 55 goals in 77 games in 2 seasons for Inter before souring his relationship with the fans. He has been awarded just 8 international caps. 8. He’s 26 years old and Argentina look set to waste having another top striker. And for what? what are they possibly gaining from completely freezing him out.

Looking to the 2022 World Cup, there is only one man who can make Argentina from also rans to serious contenders. Diego Cholo Simeone.

Simeone took control of Atletico in December 2011 days after the team had lost 3-0 at home to a 3rd division team in the cup. They were in 10th place. By May 2014 Atletico had won La Liga in doing so breaking the longest duopoly in Spanish Football since the last time they won it in 1996 when Cholo was a player for them. 

The same season they were literal seconds away from winning their first ever European Cup, this was all achieved with a starting 11 costing 35M pounds. In 8 full seasons at the club Simeone has won La Liga at the Nou Camp against Barca, The Copa Del Rey at the Bernabeu against Real, the Spanish Super Cup, 2 Europa Leagues and 2 Uefa Super Cups. He has made 2 Champions League Finals, and finished in the top 3 for 7 straight years. He has transitioned the club into a new era with a new modern stadium and he has done all of this whilst regularly losing big players and having to rebuild. Prior to taking the Atleti job he was also at the helm of Estudiantes de la Plata when they won their first Argentine league title for 23 years.

Basically, if anyone is going to fix Argentina, it’s going to be him. It has to be him. One day it inevitably will be. The proud Argentine who made 106 appearances for his country will undoubtedly one day fall to the temptation of managing his beloved nation at the FIFA World Cup.

And the way I see it, if you’re going to do it what better time to do it than at the 2022 World Cup where you’ll have a 29 year old Dybala, 30 year old Icardi and the greatest player of all time playing in his last ever World Cup. 

Messi has scored 67 goals in 131 caps for Argentina, better than 1 in 2 which is a solid return if not as mind-blowing as his 603 in 687 games for Barcelona (though given the context of the Argentina team he’s scored 67 in, who knows maybe it is) and though in recent times he’s seemingly grown tired and less able of carrying Argentina on his back, no one should deny that for many years that’s exactly what he did.

Argentina reached extra time of the World Cup Final and 2 Copa America finals in 3 years (Where they was only Higuaín not being shit away from glory. How they must long for them days now). Without Messi that wouldn’t have been possible. He dragged those average teams to touching distance of silverware, and that’s why I hope he is given the chance to play his final World Cup with a truly world class manager in charge.

Just give Messi a chance of winning the biggest prize of all, just a chance. Get Simeone in to coach the defence, get everyone running through brick walls for the shirt and for him and get Messi playing behind Dybala and Icardi, knowing that it’s a collective team effort now and all the responsibility is no longer his. 

It’s what the greatest player of all time deserves and for that reason I hope he picks up the phone soon and calls Simeone. And tells him personally how much he wants him to take the job for the World Cup. It’s hard to imagine that wouldn’t have an effect on Cholo, such a big legend of the game asking personally for you. Then after he’s had time to think on it, I would leak the call to the world, so huge pressure builds on him to accept and he can see the huge fanfare from Argentina fans for him.

Whether Messi the dictator is real or fake, he needs to come out now and take action to save his international career. 

[angstmongertina]

A Night’s Rest

So, when I got to 2.4 in the stuff between ARR and Heavensward, I immediately fell in love with Haurchefant, despite barely remembering him in base game. And, of course, all of Ul’dah’s questline happened and he is the first to offer you “unconditional support.” And so, naturally, I fell for him hard.

This smacked me in the face soon after reaching the beginning of Heavensward and it took me forever to write out but here. Have some disgusting slowburn, featuring my Miqo’te arcanist.

Is the title a reference to A Knight’s Calling? Mayyyyybe.

AO3 Link

The moon shone down from the cloudless night sky, its pale light illuminating the unfamiliar shadows of her guest room. Under the warm covers of her borrowed bed, X’ondarya turned, staring out at the towering buildings that dominated the Ishgardian landscape, dark in the moonlight. It was a far cry from the low buildings she was accustomed to, as was everything else about Ishgard.

Sighing, she pushed herself upright. There was no point in pretending that sleep would come, not when she could still hear General Raubahn’s anguished shouts and the roar of rocks collapsing in the tunnel behind her. Not when she was lying in a too-comfortable bed while her friends and allies were captured or missing or… or worse.

She shook her head. No, sleep would doubtless prove elusive.

Judging from the dark halls and general stillness, the rest of the household had long since retired for the night, which meant there was nobody to stop her as she crept from her room down the guest wing and towards the nearest parlor. Alphinaud’s room was silent and dark, though she rather doubted that he’d want to talk either way; he had never looked as shaken as he had been as they made their escape from Thanalan.

Then again, she had already replayed that whole day’s events more than enough times in her own head.

Instead, she made her way to the smaller sitting room, pouring all of her concentration into the tiny flame she summoned in her palm, just bright enough to see with. Around her, shadows danced in the flickering flames, unfamiliar walls and tapestries twisted by her still overactive imagination into strange creatures.

By contrast, inside the room, dark and empty though it was, lingered the faint warmth of her hosts. A still-smoldering log lay in the fireplace, its surface charred but serviceable. With a flick of her wrist, she flung her flame at it, watching as the spark sputtered before catching and licking eagerly at the wood. Beside the flames, a large couch stretched across the wooden floor, a silent invitation that she took, still focusing on the flames and gently radiating heat. Wood. Fire. The energy given off by the fully aerobic combustion of wood could be calculated by the mass of the wood multiplied by…

“Unable to sleep?”

Blinking several times to clear the stars from her eyes, she turned. Lord Haurchefant, looking oddly underdressed out of his full armor, stood at the doorway, watching her with concern in his eyes. Leaning back against the cushions, she shrugged and he offered her a small smile.

“I cannot say I blame you.” He sighed, running a hand through his hair. “May I?”

She nodded, tucking her legs under her as he smiled, warmer this time. To her surprise, he disappeared from view, though his goal was revealed a few minutes later when he returned with a bottle and two glasses filled with bright amber liquid, one of which he handed to her.

“A Bouldeaux cognac. One of Ishgard’s finest. After all, I never did get to thank you properly for all you have done for me and mine.”

She raised an eyebrow. “On the contrary, you have done so many times already. Besides, I believe all of this more than makes up for anything you could possibly have to thank me for, and then some.”

He grinned, a little sheepishly. “And I confess you look like you could use it. It is the least I could do for as dear a friend as yourself.”

For a moment, she considered protesting but Lord Haurchefant Greystone was not one who would lightly take no for an answer… and she had to admit that the temptation to drown her memories in liquor, at least for a time, was far too strong. Instead, she smiled, more genuine than she expected it to be, and tapped her glass against his. “Very well, then. Thank you.”

His grin widening, he raised his own drink in a small toast. “To you, and all the help you have given House Fortemps.”

She rolled her eyes but couldn’t stop a faint chuckle from escaping her lips. “And to you, for returning the favor tenfold.”

Her first sip was careful, though that did nothing to dull the flavor, of spices and vanilla and rich oak, that filled her mouth. Warmth settled in her stomach, chasing away both the Ishgardian chill and the memories of the past few days, and she sighed, feeling her muscles relax.

“That good?”

She opened eyes that she hadn’t realized she had closed to find him watching her with a soft gaze and faint smile, his own glass apparently completely forgotten. A faint heat rose in her cheeks, though she couldn’t be sure if it was from the alcohol. “Indeed. Though I must admit I am quite uneducated in the ways of cognac.”

He chuckled, low and rich. “If you were to ask my brothers, nor do I. They find Excavalier to be much superior but this has always been my favorite. Sweet and yet strong and full. Rather like…”

As his voice trailed off, she raised a brow, but he only shook his head, the flames casting a light flush to his face. Instead, she took another sip, watching as the liquid swirled in her glass for a few moments, before turning her attention back to her companion. “You couldn’t sleep either?”

He started, almost spilling his still-untouched drink, then grinned wryly. “Not so much. With the Dragonsong War leaving all of Ishgard much beleaguered, it has been quite some time since I have been able to return home. I appear to have grown quite accustomed to life in Camp Dragonhead; the beds here are more comfortable than I prefer.”

When he saw her incredulous look, he laughed. “Is that so hard to believe?”

“Now that I know where you spent your childhood, yes.” She nodded toward the fireplace. “I’d imagine that most in your position would enjoy returning home than staying in the camp barracks.”

“Perhaps, though I have no doubt that I was always far more trouble than I was worth. And though my lord father insisted that I be raised as family in Fortemps Manor, I am certain my stepmother never reconciled herself with having a constant reminder of her husband’s indiscretion in the household. Oh, come now,” he added, warm eyes taking in her expression. “One cannot blame her for finding discomfort and it was hardly a price to pay for such an opportunity.”

“Milord…”

Before she was even certain what she intended to, or even could, say, he waved her away. “None of that, if you please.” When she shot him a questioning look, he shook his head with a cheerful smile. “Just Haurchefant. After all you have done for my house and Ishgard as a whole, there cannot be a reason for you to stand on ceremony so.”

She blinked and opened her mouth, though nothing emerged. As if taking advantage of her momentary speechlessness, he pressed on, leaning forward until she could only focus on the earnest blue eyes peering at her.

“Were it not for my father’s kindness, I would not even have my title. Please, X’ondarya. You are my guest, and far more importantly than that, you are my dear friend. And friends have no need for such formality.”

Still blinking somewhat, she grinned and offered him an overly cavalier shrug. “After such an impassioned entreaty, what more can I say? Very well, then, Haurchefant.”

His returning smile was blinding, leaving her breathless in its brilliance. He barely seemed to notice its effect on her, however; leaning back, he sighed and took a slow sip of his cognac, appearing more than content to just sit in peace.

With a small sigh of her own, she mirrored him, relaxing into her seat and returning her gaze to the now steadily crackling fire. She blinked, slower, enjoying the gentle heat sinking into her bones.

“So, what do you think of Ishgard?”

Her face pulled into a grimace without thought. “Too cold.”

“Come, now. It can’t possibly be worse than when you sought the airship in Coerthas!”

She could feel her frown deepening at the memory, but still, she shook her head. “No, but you live here. It’s permanent.”

“Permanent, perhaps, but in a comfortable home with roaring fires and warm beds and, now, still warmer company.” He grinned. “One could even say that it is more enjoyable now than ever before. But I daresay that it is considerably colder than you are accustomed to.”

She raised an eyebrow, though in spite of herself; her lips curled into a faint smile. “The arcanists’ academy is in Limsa Lominsa, so quite.”

“Ah.”

“Precisely. It is a rare winter for snow to even so much as dust the stones.”

He nodded. “And it is a rare day indeed to not see any in Ishgard, especially since the Calamity.”

When she made another face, he laughed. “It is not all bad. As children, in the winter months, Artoirel, Emmanellain, and myself would rush outside whenever we had finished our studies.”

“‘Finished?’”

He grinned. “Or sometimes even before. At any rate, there was mischief aplenty for three spirited boys, and Father scolded us more than once for staying out too late or tracking mud inside the house.”

“Even Lord Artoirel?”

His chuckle was low and fond. “Indeed. He may not appear so much so these days but he was the leader of our merry trio, Artoirel. More often than not, it was he who decided what tomfoolery we would find ourselves up to. I believe one winter, he decided it would be great fun to try sliding down the large winding stairs outside.”

She blinked. “The curved ones by the center of the Pillars?”

“The very same. I have no doubt you have walked it yourself more than a few times.”

Stifling a sudden yawn, she laughed. “Did you manage?”

“Indeed, though thankfully the area was fairly deserted.” His eyes, already soft with amusement, took on a distant look. “And even that was not the worst of it. We are truly lucky my father had thought to look for us; he found us just in time to stop us from using the steps in front of the Holy Vault as our next location.”

“The Vault… The one that serves as the archbishop’s residence?”

“And the seat of Ishgard’s government, aye. I am not certain I have ever seen my father so displeased, and for good reason. I shudder to think what would have become of us should anyone else have been the one to discover us. It would be unfortunate indeed for both of House Fortemps’ heirs to be charged for heresy, especially at that age.”

“And Ishgard would be short a most loyal knight, and your father a son to be proud of.”

He shrugged, though his expression brightened as he rubbed at the back of his neck. “Something of the sort, at least.”

Smiling to herself, she inclined her head. “And whose idea was that? Lord Artoirel again?”

To her amusement, her companion shifted, his face almost guilty. “Not so much, at least not that time. ‘Twas mine own.”

“Yours? And was it worth it?”

His fidgeting only intensified. “Hardly, but it was never meant to be so.”

When she raised an eyebrow, a hint of a blush crossed his cheeks.

“To be perfectly honest, it was more to see if it was possible than out of any belief that it would actually be enjoyable. Nevertheless, I doubt the Holy See would take kindly to such an explanation, or any, as it were. Suffice it to say that we were all scolded accordingly.”

She nodded, leaning further back into the cushions. “And Lord Emmanellain?”

“Ah, Emmanellain. He too was quite antithetical to the young man of today... “ He paused, amusement and concern clearly warring in his voice. “Though I fear my tales of the past may be keeping you awake against your will, if that yawn was any indication.”

Flushing, she shook her head. “No, it is refreshing to think about something else, as long as you don’t mind my poor manners.”

“Not at all. If my senseless chatter can be of any assistance to you, then I am glad to provide it.”

Almost of their own volition, her lips curled into a smile. “I hardly believe that anything you say could be considered such, Haurchefant, but thank you.”

He grinned back. “As if I could do anything else. At any rate, the Emmanellain you know is a far cry from the younger brother I had growing up. Quieter and far more cautious was he, though he did and still does idolize Artoirel, even if it is harder to see now.”

“No doubt your father was kept terribly busy with all three of you to look after and keep out of trouble.”

His eyes lit up. “Oh, nothing could be more certain. The attempt at sledding down the steps in front of the Holy Vault was neither the first nor the last time we received such a scolding. For instance, there was the first and last time he ever allowed us a pet…”

As he continued to expound on the various adventures of his wayward youth, X’ondarya closed her eyes and finally let herself relax fully, his gentle voice washing over her in low, soothing waves.

She didn’t realize she had fallen asleep until she woke up the next morning to find Haurchefant curled up beside her, her head resting on his shoulder, and a blanket covering them both. Careful to avoid waking him, she got to her feet and made her way back to her room, smiling and feeling more rested, more optimistic, than she had in a long time.

[cameron-mckell]

Hi, folks. Still not dead. Sorry in advance for the... very long ramble under the cut.

I just finished up my last final for the Spring semester earlier today, so I’m pretty much done with all of that. I honestly meant to check in sooner, but those classes, while not as soul-crushingly terrible as some of the ones I’ve had recently, still ate up a lot of my time. 

So after all that, I’ve got three things left to do before I finish my Associate’s/Bachelor’s+Double Minor in German and Chinese Commerce. First is an internship, which I’d thought I’d completely failed at getting until the Eleventh Hour for Summer Registration. I did manage to get one, though, with the state even (and paid!). It’s set to take up a good deal of my time until the end-ish of June (AKA the first block of Summer semester), and my first official day is tomorrow. I’m a bit nervous about what I’ll be doing, and managing my ~2 hour each way commute to the capitol building, but there’s not much I can do about it now but try. Right?

I really, really didn’t want a full schedule for Summer like last year (that really did not go well for me) so I only signed up for two other things. One is an online computer class that runs the whole summer (which I’m hoping to work on while commuting on the train), which ideally shouldn’t be difficult. The other one is the second of the three things I need to graduate; it’s another business class (sigh...) subbing in for an Intro to Chinese Commerce class that I’ve just never seen the university offer (and I’ve been watching, and waiting...). It’s about cross-cultural communication, which hopefully won’t be too onerous/business-filled for my brain to handle; it’s scheduled for two evenings a week in the second half of Summer semester, so it (hopefully) won’t interfere with my internship (there’s one iffy day that I need to check on, but otherwise it should be fine). This should leave me with some time, though, for things like maybe regaining some of my sanity, or writing. I really hope so.

I really need a break.

Anyway, after that, the only thing I have left to do is one upper-level German class (the professor that does the upper-level German stuff is taking students on Study Abroad over the Summer, so they won’t have a German class that would count for me until the Fall. So I’m already set to learn about the Weimar Republic when Fall comes around, and added another computer class (I’ve been using them to fill out my credit hours/holes in my schedule for a while now), and a random class about Urban Planning which I probably shouldn’t take but it sounded interesting and I don’t know. I guess I like suffering. But even then, I’m still not full-time in the Fall (like three quarters-time, bleh), so hopefully I’ll have a little bit of breathing room. 

Even if it makes me concerned for how my Financial Aid will work out; I may have to take out more student loans to cover the difference (there’s a good chance I won’t get my Work Study job back in the Fall, because I’ll be graduating mid-’school year’ and won’t be registered in any classes for Spring, and you need to be registered as a student to keep a Work Study job. 

It depends on how things go for my (nor past-) supervisor. If they want me, I’ll come back, but they may not want me. 

But yeah; I’m currently on-course to graduate in the Fall. After that, though...

So, I want to work for the government, ‘be the change you want to see in the world’, and all. To do that, realistically, I need a Master’s degree. My current university technically has a Master’s of Public Service (MPS) program, but it’s geared toward a very different end goal than mine, so I need to switch to another school with an MPS program. There’s another (bigger) university up north (not too far from where I’m interning, actually) that has the right sort of MPS program. It’s pretty well-rated in general, actually, which has me a bit worried, really. 

You see, being a ‘better program’ means that this northern school is more selective about what students they let in. So I’ve got to fill out applications, get references etc., but I also need to take the GRE exam, to show my ability to be in a graduate program. So I’ve got to do that sometime after I graduate, and hope like crazy that they’ll let me in for Fall next year. 

Then I get to start into school again for a couple more years, joy of joys, only now with a longer commute both ways on the regular (hopefully that university has some sort of transit pass/plan thing...). I’m not sure how Financial Aid applies to graduate programs, so I may also have to try and find some sort of part-time job as well (I hope not, but I shudder to think what sort of monstrosity my student debt’s going to turn into otherwise). 

I try not to think too much about life after college, because of the whole ‘don’t count your chickens’ thing, but also because the whole thing just seems so enormously daunting when I try to look at the whole thing all at once. Too much to ever manage. 

But.

I want to make the world better, in some small way. I know I don’t have the charisma/temperament to be a leader, and I’ve come to accept that my language skills will only ever be middling at best (not enough to cut it in this state, with a lot of people speaking way more languages much better than I could ever dream of), but still. Whenever my family’s gone camping, my grandparents would always talk about leaving a place better than the way you found it. I’d like to find somewhere where I can do that, in some way. 

I’d like to make enough money to be comfortable (not extravagant), and take care of my parents before my father literally works himself to death and my mother completely falls apart physically because medical bills have already bankrupted them. It makes me sick, watching their lives crumbling while I’m still in school, knowing I’ve got years ahead of me still before I can help more than superficially. Do I want the stress of feeling responsible for supplying their retirements? Not really; I’m already a wreck of a person. But I know I’m probably going to be the one person out of all my siblings in a position to handle it, eventually. The rest are either in fairly low-paying jobs or employed in an unstable industry. 

It’s probably hoping for too much, but it’s what I’ve been trying to work toward. And there’s so much pressure to try and finish up faster (I already started college much later than pretty much everyone I know), but I know I still have years to go. 

So I’ll focus on tomorrow, instead, on this new internship. And maybe I’ll have some time to catch my breath and finish a story or two this summer. 

Here’s hoping.

[margridarnauds]

Director's Cut: Paradise Lost?

Thanks! I know I mentioned it before, but I’m really excited to talk about this one!

Paradise Lost

My newest child, whom I love even though I have no idea how I’m going to feel about it in a couple of months. 

The full backstory to it is that me and @janetcarter were talking Terra Nova, as we are wont to do, since we have our own batshit insane version of that show that only really makes sense to us. (It involves bondage dinosaurs, authoritarian regimes, oppressed Americans, spray bottles, 1789, and about 867% more gay than the original show could have possibly conceived of.) And they’ve been rewatching it, so they’ve been kind of liveblogging it to me, and we were discussing Taylor being an authoritarian bag of dicks again. (This is an ongoing conversation; it’s great.) 

And they made the mistake of saying this: 

And it eventually led to me doing a half-mad rant that would form the skeleton of Paradise Lost. In the annotations, see the original text in italics VS the final text.

  “YEP.

 “DIRTY WORK.”

“THERE’S NO OTHER WAY I CAN INTERPRET THAT ONE” “MAYBE SHE DOESN’T KNOW THE FULL DETAILS ABOUT PHILBRICK BUT YOU CAN BET YOUR ASS SHE KNOWS *SOMETHING*” 

And, from there on, it was all Paradise Lost. I ended up copying and pasting those messages in a GDocs file, edited it, added some description and a few plot points, and within a day I had a one-shot. 

So, I accidentally wrote a one-shot out in a Tumblr pm and I was just like, “You know what? Fuck it. I need to write a one-shot out of this. My productivity’s been low recently, anyway. Merry Christmas, Avery, hohoho. Have some angst.” 

It was actually really exciting, in a sense, because this is a totally different setting than I’ve been working with for the last year and it was a chance to expand my horizons, even though, as has been HELPFULLY pointed out to me, it’s still set in the past. Just…millions of years ago as opposed to just hundreds. I played myself there.  

(Annotations under cut)

Taylor’s kid talks when he’s drunk.

Pretty much the first new sentence that I knew I was going to include. I really like the idea of Mira addressing Lucas mainly as “Taylor’s kid,” like, despite him being a pretentious little prick who thinks he’s a genius, she still views him as a whiny kid.  

It’s something they put up with for the sake of the mission, he comes in, gives them their marching orders, and takes a bottle or two of moonshine, the pink-purple liquid spilling across his lips along with the stories.

The fruit they come from is called “Frut” and it’s an ongoing joke between me, Avery, and @elluka, so it only made sense for me to include it here as an in-joke. Lucas loves that sweet frut juice. 

Also: It is 100% canon that they make alcohol from it. I ended up having to look up what dragonfruit juice looks like to make sure this would be as authentic as possible. 

 Not that she cares enough to make sense of the stuff, to Mira they’re all the same as those calculations he draws out on the rocks in bold white chalk, rambling on and on.

Most of the others, they’re smart enough to avoid him, they’ve been out here long enough to know a Slasher in the woods when they see one. So, that means Mira’s the one to keep him company, giving him another when his stock runs out, praying that there’s enough left over to keep up morale, because that’s always a problem in a hellpit like this.

People get lonely, start thinking about the past, wanting things that they can’t have. The alcohol, even if it’s weak compared to the real stuff, helps them drown it out for a little while, though she doesn’t take it. 

Sadly enough, we get so little Sixer development that we don’t really know what morale’s like in-camp, the show’s too busy telling us that these are Bad People because they oppose God Emperor Taylor, but I would suspect that, given that unlike the colony, they only ever intended to be here temporarily, it would have to be pretty miserable. How long were they told it would be? A couple of months, a year? After all the years it would be, I can only imagine the homesickness from some or the resignation from others. 

Tl;dr: Yeah, I suspect they would be bargaining with Boylan for some of that frut juice or they have a still in-camp, though it probably has to take a backburner to more important things like medicine and food. 

Instead, she keeps Sienna’s face in her head at all times, wrapping herself around it, thinking of her bright smile as she’d walk through the door, dropping the raggedy toy that Mira’d got her after a mission as she ran to greet her. (She tries to think of whether it was a T-Rex with the faded red fabric and the drooping limbs with the stuffing worn out of them or a spinosaurus, and when she can’t, she feels the need to get out of this place and back into the real world like a jolt in her brain.)

The reference to Sienna’s toy came in fairly late, but I actually really liked it, because (1) It adds that worldbuilding as far as Mira’s economic situation and (2) It reminds me of a bit from the original script where Terra Nova was HUGE, so of course dinosaurs would be a big thing now, and there’s a certain irony to Mira being sent to destroy something that her daughter loves so much in order to give them a better life. Also, I’d just seen a review for various spinosaurus plushies, so I might have been inspired.

It’s also really important that she refers to 2149 as “the real world,” as her way of distancing herself from whatever she does in Terra Nova, as well as distancing herself from Wash and her feelings for her. “This isn’t real, this is a job, it’s not the real world, it’s an alternative timeline.” 

This time, there wouldn’t be another time. She’d get the job done, get home, and give Sienna the life that she deserved. And she doesn’t give a damn about what she has to do to get it. That’s what she tells herself, and it’s what she’ll believe.  

One of the things that I really admire about Mira is how FOCUSED she is. That’s something that can be both a major pro, since it means that she’s very driven to get her goals, but it also means that she can be harsh when she feels like other people are falling behind and not focusing, even, say, to a young child like Leah Marcos. 

Until then, she’d keep giving Lucas Taylor the moonshine, quietly hoping he’d choke on it, until he wound up drooling on the floor before going off to brood in a cave for the next six months.

In case no one can tell the level of respect I have for Lucas Taylor, Boy Genius.

Alright, but judging from Mira’s interactions with him, she is clearly deeply unnerved, and even though his calculations are necessary for getting her back home…well, if he chokes, it’s not really HER fault. It’s this terrible situation where she’s stuck with him even as she’s clearly scared by him and would probably want him dead under any other circumstances.   

“You know what? Those people-I-I feel sorry for them! They’ll never know the truth about the Great Nathaniel Taylor,” he raises his arm suddenly, as if he was trying to give a clumsy toast, spilling moonshine everywhere.

“Seriously, WHY THE HELL wouldn’t Lucas at least tell the Sixers? He knows that to the colony, it’s The Great Nathaniel Taylor, but the Sixers don’t have any stake there”

Uh huh. Daddy Issues story #326 - Been there, done that, she thinks as she wipes some of the sticky liquid off of her cheek. 

This was honestly one of my favorite lines to write. One of the things that I mentioned to Avery while I was live-blogging writing this is how much I honestly LOVE Mira’s POV, given how incredibly snarky she is. It’s like she’s aware of what show she’s a part of and she’s dedicated herself to ripping it apart. 

I’m so used to working with viewpoint characters who were born centuries ago it was honestly a bit refreshing, as much as I love Lazare “Javert was busy so they booked me instead” de Peyrol and Solène “Women’s motherfucking March on Versailles” Mazurier. Mira is just so fundamentally DIFFERENT, being very blunt and no-nonsense as well as the aforementioned snarkiness, that she was really a treat to work with. 

The way the kid talks, you’d almost think that this kind of thing was unusual . They were all soldier’s kids, these days. They’d all had to do what they had to to survive, and not all of them had mommy and daddy propping them up through the early years, either. Going from home to home, place to place, hoping that a bomb wouldn’t explode over their heads, holding a gun in their hand from the first time they could salvage one.

“Lucas was there, and in between crying about his daddy issues…why wouldn’t he expose Taylor to the world?”

It’s always been a pity to me that we really didn’t get all that much backstory development for 2149, except for that it’s a Very Bad Place, pollution, wars, etc., so it was a bit of fun trying to imagine what Mira’s past might have looked like given she’s obviously not as privileged as the Shannons or the Taylors, the former of whom are definitely INSANELY privileged. I have to think of when Taylor’s doing his whole “I survived 118 days in the wilderness” thing and Mira snaps back, “Yeah, we’re going on 1000.” There’s this…edge to her, and it takes a lot to impress her, and I have to think it’s because she’s survived so much that there’s really little that can surprise her. 

She makes a non-committal sound in response.  

“You don’t believe me, do you? Nobody else does, but you see -” Lucas laughs as he leans forward, and Mira wonders if he’s really lost it this time and what to tell Phoenix Group if their golden boy’s finally cracked under the pressure. “I was there. When my father killed him. And now-Now he wants. To kill me. I know everything, about how General Philbrick tried to get my father to step down, and my father killed him as if he was some carno that’d gotten lose. He buried him under Pilgrim’s Tree, he buried him there and let it rot, but-” Lucas smiles, sharp and predatory, and it hits Mira in the gut that he believes this “He couldn’t kill me. I know the truth.”

She eyes him as he is, trying to run it through her brain. Taylor’s a son of a bitch, but not a murderer. As if he doesn’t notice, he goes on, slamming down his bottle with a dramatic flourish as he spreads his arms out wide, “The great Taylor family tragedy-The mad king, the exiled prince, and, as always, no one listens to the oracle. But it’s all here,” he taps his head, “It’s all right in here. Don’t believe me?” He says, with the smug self-confidence that makes Mira want to punch his teeth out, even smugger with the alcohol. “See for yourself. Remember the name: Richard Philbrick.”

“'Don’t believe me? See for yourself.’ Lucas would say, with that smug self confidence that makes Mira want to punch his teeth out, settling instead for ignoring it. 

I really, really hate writing Lucas, because it feels like no one would ever say this, but then I remember that he described his relationship with his father as “A Shakespearian drama that borders on Greek tragedy.” Like a pretentious douche who strings together important-sounding words. But, I do kind of like the idea of him treating himself and his father as just…players in a larger game. 

Mira finds herself thinking of it long after he’s back to drooling on the floor, with a hell of a hangover coming in the morning. The kid’s been loose in the wild for too long, everyone knows it. It’s like playing with a tiger to get anything out of him, and most of the time, he speaks in equations, not words, as he holds his brilliance over everyone else’s head. God knows what goes on in his mind.

“And at first Mira wouldn’t believe it, because Lucas is demonstrably unstable + would make up ANYTHING to discredit his father, but as time goes on it makes more sense. And, after all, Philbrick has dropped off the grid”

The line about equations, not words is exactly how I feel whenever he appears on screen and the rest of the characters have to pretend that the words he’s piecing together actually make sense. 

And he hates his father. Not that you need to be a genius to know that one. He’d say anything about him, so long as it’d rain on Taylor’s little “big bright beautiful tomorrow” parade. Taylor’s an optimist, always going on about that bright new future for everyone. Peace, love, the American way, all that bullshit. Murdering someone-It’s not his MO. There’s nothing in the three inches-tall dossier they handed off to her the week before she went through Hope Plaza that’d say that. 

I had to get “There’s a Big, Bright, Beautiful Tomorrow” stuck in my head for this. 

She turns in her hammock, watching the tops of the trees sway gently in the wind through the little netted opening that’s as close as she’s got to a window, as a pteranodon flies across the moon. There are times she could almost get to like this place. She thinks of Sienna and frowns. Almost.

You will never know how pissed I am that we never got to see “Mira’s Lair” as Taylor calls it. I think that they would have to have some form of netting to keep out the mosquitoes and any other creepy crawlies, but yet again, the worldbuilding was shit there and I’m sad. 

(She remembers the first time she’d seen the moon, without the pollution there to cover it up or a million lights to dim it, white and gleaming and so big, Wash’s arm, strong and warm, around her as they’d made their way to the colony.) 

The kid’s lying, she tells herself, there’s no point in taking the bait.

In the morning, he’s back to scrawling more equations on rocks, and she’s back to taking care of her colony. That should be it.

It isn’t.

It sits there in the back of her mind, buzzing like a little mosquito that she can’t quite swat. She hates that about the kid, how he can get under her skin, make her think.

Taylor as a murderer? It doesn’t fit with that squeaky-clean, messiah complex image he’s tried to work up. Not that he’d be the first. Everyone has their demons, and God knows what’s underneath that benevolent dictator image. But if he was, then… 

If he was, then Wash is involved, too. But of course she can’t say that, because that would be admitting it to herself. 

I have to think that given the amount of corruption in 2149, Taylor being a bitch wouldn’t be a surprise, and that’s something I tried to show, but that it doesn’t fit HIM (and, more importantly, Mira’s still trying to protect Wash in her mind.) 

She ignores it, and ignores it, but it’s still there, in the back of her mind, and finally, she gives in.

“She ignores it, and ignores it, but it’s still there, in the back of her mind”

Is Taylor really capable of that?

“Is Taylor capable of that?”

So she checks. Still being in contact with 2149 has its perks, and she doesn’t have to run that kind of thing by Taylor (convenient, the voice whispers in her ear, that he controls the access to the outside world. She’d always thought it was so no one decided to get stuck on something dangerous like “democracy” or “basic human rights,” but it’d be useful as Hell if he was keeping something a secret.)

“And keep in mind: The Sixers can CONTACT THE OUTSIDE WORLD AND GET THAT INFO”

Philbrick’s missing they say, but there are holes in the record. Missing in South America? It’s the new “went on a long vacation and never came back.” And even if she’s not out there writing equations on rocks, she’s not stupid. Stupid gets you killed, where Mira’s from. Her employers play the evasion game, remind her what she has to lose if she presses, and she folds. Officially. But she knows one thing: Richard Philbrick’s dead, and wherever he is, it’s not South America.

So she checks. Philbrick’s missing they say, but there are all those little holes.”

Honestly, I hate writing any kind of detective work, because it all feels like a reach, so this was a hard section to write. But also absolutely necessary. 

Boylan seems to know everything that goes on in the colony, for the right price, and she corners him one day after they’ve just gotten ahold of some medical supplies.

Thank God for Boylan providing the plot-convenient information. Or not providing it, as the case may be. He actually wasn’t planned, but when I was writing it, it felt like I needed more between the web search and Mira making her realization, so Boylan got to make an appearance. Yay, Boylan.  

He just shakes his head, “Isn’t enough money in the world to make me tell you that.”

You know it’s bad when Boylan’s not willing to haggle for information. You know, it’s sad when you think of it: Boylan guarded Taylor’s secret faithfully for years, and only gave it away by accident…because he was tortured by the man he’d once considered a friend. Taylor deserved all the fallback from that one. 

“You and he used to be old war buddies, now you can’t stand each other. So what happened?” She tilts her head as she stares him down, the way she knows makes her people stand down when they’re being stubborn. 

He just shakes his head head again, walking away, and that’s all the confirmation she needs that something’s up.

Philbrick’s disappearance.

Taylor turning on his own kid.

Taylor turning on Boylan.                      

It all starts to make sense.

But there’s one thing left, one thing she needs: Proof.

The next time Lucas shows up, she glares at him, “The body. Where is it?”

He smirks in response and takes her to Pilgrim’s Tree.

I really debated including this section, because it seems to go against canon, but I couldn’t imagine anything LESS than that convincing Mira, when she knows that the body’s there. 

That’s the thing with secrets: They never stay buried, especially if you leave someone alive to tell the tale. 

“The thing with secrets is that they NEVER stay secret long” - Literally the first line of the rant that kicked this off. 

And the body of a man, missing a limb in just the right place, well, that tells a story all on its own. There’s no point doing anything with it, when all they have’s the word of Taylor’s unstable son and a corpse against a legend. Better to put him back in the ground and wait for when it can be useful. As they cover the body again, spreading dead leaves across the upturned soil so it looks undisturbed, Mira feels her gut twist.

This was my haphazard attempt at keeping things consistent with canon, as much as it could be. 

It’s never been personal between her and Taylor. It’s just a job, just like it always was (she tells herself as she thinks of trusting dark eyes sparked by the firelight as Wash sat opposite her, stretching a black hairband absently between her fingers, her black hair loose around her shoulders. That night, she’d forgotten her mission for a moment. Just a moment, but it was enough.)

“And slowly, but surely, things make sense. And honestly, Mira’s horrified, because it was never PERSONAL between her and Taylor. It was a job (she tells herself as she thinks of trusting dark eyes by the firelight).”

It doesn’t really make sense for MIra to have that undercurrent of bitterness that she has towards Taylor in canon; my girl’s a mercenary at nature, I can’t see her taking it personally. But this? Was honestly the first time Mira’s character clicked for me. 

Also Wash + her hairband is one of my favorite things, in no part because of the 1789 crossover meaning that she and Laz get to bond over their ponytails. As is Wash sans hairband, because I’m gay. And imagining Wash’s younger, idealistic self honestly hurts, because Mira’s betrayal took so much of that from her. 

She knows why she didn’t want to believe it: For Taylor to be capable of it, that means that everything Wash told her, all that bullshit about a better future, is a lie. Wash is always there by Taylor’s side, saying “How high?” even before he says “Jump.” (He doesn’t deserve it, she thinks; if she was with them, she’d be raking in a solid 2 or 3 figures more as a medic alone.) There’s no way she doesn’t know.

“And maybe she doesn’t want to believe it because for Taylor to be capable of it, that means that EVERYTHING Wash told her, about a better future, is a lie. Wash is as complicit as Taylor, she’s always there by his side, there’s no way she doesn’t know. 

Also, props to Mira for STILL thinking about how much Taylor doesn’t deserve Wash even as she’s realizing that Wash is complicit in human rights violations. 

She’s never been one for the new, better future that Taylor goes on about, about second chances and fresh starts, she has to spend her time on solid ground with what they have now rather than chasing after rainbows and unicorns. But when Wash talked about it, hope in her eyes, Mira’d almost…

And as it all comes together Mira feels a little bit of her heart (which is already mostly hardened, after years of war, years of eat or be eaten only a few inches of red pulsing muscle remain, and it’s for her daughter and Wash) calcify.

And as it all comes together Mira feels a little bit of her heart (which is already mostly calcified, years of war, years of eat or be eaten hardening it, only a few inches of red pulsing muscle remain, and it’s for her daughter and Wash) calcify.  

This is one of the bits that remained virtually unchanged from concept to final product, mainly because I really, really liked it, and it’s probably the reason I ultimately ended up writing it down in the first place. 

“Still doing Taylor’s dirty work?” She’ll ask, several years later, as Wash looks up at her in-Hatred? Anger? Surprise? Mira blames the smudged black eyeliner for hiding her eyes.

‘Still doing Taylor’s dirty work?’ I know the truth now, is what she’s really saying, I’m not naive anymore.”

Not that it matters. Not anymore.

She’s trying to say that it doesn’t matter what Wash thinks and that she’s over it, but she isn’t. She was still hoping, on some level, for Wash to say something. But then she doesn’t, and so Mira uses her as leverage for what she wants, telling herself that it doesn’t matter because it’s all for the mission, anyway. 

I know the truth now, is what she’s really saying, I’m not naive anymore.

I know.

And somehow, it doesn’t feel as good as she thought it would. 

This line was the only thing I could think of to end it on, even as I didn’t like it overly much, but I wanted it to be a very bittersweet at best ending from Mira’s perspective. She’s broken free of the lies Taylor told, at least she thinks so, she’s brought Wash down a peg or two, but it can’t be a victory because she really didn’t get what she really wanted, which was for Wash to renounce Taylor and jump in her arms. 

My other alternate title was “Prometheus” [which I discarded because (1) It was Lucas levels of pretentious and (2) it centered Lucas rather than Mira], and I feel like both of the titles kind of encapsulates the idea there: You get the knowledge you want, but at what cost? 

[anonymouswriter2311]

My Robin, Chapter 14

Robin was finally free of her horrid bed rest and to celebrate, Alice had asked Zelena if they could go to a festival in the next Kingdom. Zelena, of course, had been very apprehensive about the idea, just like she had with the doctor's decision to clear her and put an end to her bed rest, but after some begging from both of the girls and a secret announcement of a trip to Neverland coming up, she agreed.

 “Are you sure this trip is such a good idea?” Zelena hovered in the doorway of her daughter's bedroom, as the young couple packed a few changes of clothes into a large leather bag, excitement beaming from them.

 “Mom…” Robin moaned, throwing her head back and kicking the air. This marked the hundredth time Zelena had asked her daughter this question since Alice had asked about the trip and every time the archer's reaction had been the same.

 “Sorry for worrying about the wellbeing of my daughter and her girlfriend!” Zelena threw her hands up in surrender, not shocked by her daughter's behavior.

 “I’m fine Mom! I can shoot again and I’m not even on bed rest anymore!” The archer added as she walked closer to the redhead. “I will be perfectly fine, I promise.” Robin pulled her Mother in for an unexpected hug, catching the older woman completely off guard, but all that was washed away as she relaxed into her daughter's arms, loving this new found closeness that had come about since moving here.

 “You’ll make sure she takes it easy, won’t you?” Zelena looked over her daughter's shoulder at the grinning blonde, as the two Mills women pulled apart.

 “Of course! And if you’re still so worried, you could always come with us? The more the merrier, right Robin?” Alice bounced excitedly, missing the glare that Robin had been sending her.

 “I’m sure my Mom has better things to do...right Mom!” Robin spoke through gritted teeth, as she walked back to the bed where all her clothes covered the entire bed.

 “Actually I do, I’m planning to spend the day with Regina,” Zelena smirked at her now relieved daughter.

 “Oh, doing anything fun?” Alice chirped, failing to notice the glances that were being shared between mother and daughter.

 “Now, that would be telling.” Zelena winked, before poofing herself away.

 “I hate when she does that!” Robin mumbled, almost regretting the day she gave her Mom her magic.

 “At least we can do this…” Alice purred into Robin’s ear as she kissed down the archers jaw. “Unless you’d prefer to talk to your Mother all day instead.” The blonde teased, pulling away slightly. Quickly, Robin spun around and pulled the blonde into her hold, kissing her fiercely.

 ***

The waves smashed hard against the sharp rocks, splashing up small flecks of water over the trio. Armed with the Jolly Roger, as a mode of transportation, they had set out to gather some intel on Gothel’s latest sighting. A number of different sailors had reached out to Hook, upon hearing that the fearsome pirate had been looking for the witch, and all of the intel had led them here: The Dreaded Island of Neverland.

 “I have a bad feeling about this,” Zelena mumbled as they walked the rocky beach of Neverland.

 “Aye, this place seems to have that effect on people.” Hook gave her a hearty chuckle, trying his best to keep the spirits of the two women up, but deep down the captain had been dreading his visit back to this island.

 “We just need to find out what that witch was looking for and then get out of here! The less time I spend on this island again, the better.” Shivers danced through the brunette’s body as she thought back to the terrible couple of days that were spent in this godforsaken place.

 “I didn’t know you had visited Neverland before.” The redhead questioned as rocky beach turned into tropical forest paradise.

 “Henry was captured when he was a child and we all came here to rescue him. Emma, me, the Charming’s and your other self...it was the first time that they didn’t look at me like the Evil Queen.” Regina explained to the group, as the memories of the island flooded through her mind. The fight with Snow on the ship, Emma’s first magic lesson, almost losing David, the final showdown with Pan...she had almost lost her son and there was no way she was not going to let this island take another child away from their parents.

 “Pan take him?” Hook asked as he held back thick leaves with his hook for the two women.

 “Not directly, but that’s another story for another time. Do you know where this fish is?” Regina shook trying to shift an oncoming headache, she would tell them eventually, but right now she needed to focus on the mission at hand.

 “She’s not a fish, no...she’s much worse than that.” The Captain muttered, carrying around his own horrific memories of this island. “Since Pan was struck down by a rogue Lost Boy, she’s taken over. More ruthless and twice as twisted than the little bugger.”

 “Does she have magic?” Zelena spoke up, using her own magic to chop any branches in her way.

 “Aye...legend has it, she killed trident himself just to get her hands on more powerful magic.” Hook explained as he pulled out his personal map of the island.

 “Well then, let’s find that Wendy Darling you speak of,” Zelena smirked wickedly, pushing down any fear or insecurity she may have had about this trip if there was any chance of Robin and Alice getting their happy ending, Gothel had to be destroyed and Zelena couldn’t wait.

 ***

“I am fairly capable of riding my own horse you know!” Robin moaned as she climbed onto the back of Alice’s horse, wrapping her arms tentatively around her lover's waist.

 “I know, but then you wouldn’t be cuddled into my back,” Alice smirked wickedly, as they set off. It was at least a days journey until they reached the next Kingdom, so the blonde had decided it might be a good idea to hire a horse, even if they just used it to carry bags in the end.

 “Sneaky little…” Robin mumbled as she leaned up to peck the girl's cheek. “Are you going to tell me where we are going yet?” She asked as she lay her head on the blondes back.

 “Nope!” Alice said with a pop.

 “You’re not bringing me to Wonderland, are you? I don’t think I’m ready for that yet, and I think my Mom would kill me!” The archer panicked, tightening her grip on the blonde.

 “No, we aren’t going to Wonderland! There will be no realm jumping today...I hope.” Alice chucked nervously, enjoying the blend of greens and blues they trotted through the deep forest. “If you must know, we are going to a festival in the next Kingdom and that is all I’m saying!”

 “A festival? Cool! We had a few back in Storybrooke. We’d have cotton candy and candy apples and candy corn...now that I think about it was mainly just an excuse to eat loads of sugar.” Robin bounced with excitement, before placing a slobbery kiss on her blondes neck.

 “Candy apples, candy corn? I didn’t know you could put candy on fruit and vegetables.” The blonde mumbled curiously, as the brunette placed small kisses along her neck, completely distracting the blonde from her duties as the driver.

 “You can put candy on anything if you try hard enough. It’s a worthy goal.” Vibrations ran through the blonde's body, as her archer mumbled against her neck.

 “Maybe we could try sometime.” Alice bit her lip, to stop a low moan from releasing.

 “Absolutely!” Robin lessened her attack on the blonde, shuffling closer so that their bodies were practically glued to one another. “I’d try anything with you...just ya know…not Wonderland, not yet.” Robin rested her chin on the blondes shoulder heads pressed together happily, in their own little world of loving bliss.

 ***

“This is hopeless! We’ve been wondering about this bloody island for hours and we are no closer to finding this Wendy girl!” Zelena shouted as the group stopped for a well-needed break.

 “Don’t worry Sis, we will.” Regina placed a soothing hand on the redhead. “How long are Robin and Alice away on their little trip?”

 “Three days at least.” Hook answered for the redhead, he too had been a tiny bit apprehensive about the outing, but unlike Zelena, he chose not to voice his concern to the blonde.

 “Okay good, we can make camp here tonight and then try and again in the morning. We’ve still got two days to find her.” Regina made her plan, one that the two other people present wearily agreed.

 “I’ll get the firewood.” Hook nodded at the two women.

 “Thank you.” Zelena smiled wholeheartedly at the man, coming to the conclusion a short while ago that he wasn’t so bad after all.

 “We will get her, and we will stop Gothel...you have my word.” The pirate nodded at the two Mills women, before disappearing into the woods.

 “He’s right...wow, that was something I never thought I’d say about Hook.” The brunette chuckled at herself.

 “That’s because we were stuck with the wrong Hook…you were right about him, he is a good man,” Zelena smirked knowingly at the brunette.

 “Oh shut up.” Regina shot daggers at the redhead, before the sisters burst into a fit of laughter, only to be cut off by the howl of Hook in the far distance.

 “Hook!” The two women stood, shouting in unison.

 “We have to…”

 “Agreed!”

 The two women ran blindly into the tropical forest, hopping low branches and ducking under higher up ones. Listening for any indication of the pirate, of a Lost Boy, of anything whatsoever. But all they heard was silence.

 “Where the hell did he go! I swear Alice is going to kill me if I have to tell her I lost her father in Neverland!” Zelena huffed as they reached a dead end.

 “We’ll find him.”

 “No need!” A thick British accent filled the forest, “You can have your Captain back, on one condition.” The voice twirled around them, creating the illusion that it was only speaking to each woman individually.

 “What? What do you want? You bitch?” Zelena shouted into the air.

 “I want the one they call...Robin.” The voice hissed, sending shivers down both women’s backs.

 “Well, you can’t have her!” Regina shouted this time, pulling herself out of the trance the voice seemed to put her in.

 “Her? I do not require a female Robin.” The voice softened, before a puff of yellow smoke appeared, revealing a young girl, and a handcuffed Hook.

 “You’re just a child…” Zelena gasped.

 “Were you expecting me to be some old hag?” Wendy teased, pretending to be offended.

 “Kind of, yeah!” Zelena shared a worried glance with her sister. “Look, we can't give you what you want...Robin, Robin Hood...well, he’s-”

 “Dead...Robin is dead.” Regina cut her sister off, as her eyes burrowed into the soul of the young girl.

 “I feared that was the case...very well. You can have your pirate.” With a wave of her hand, the shackles holding Hook captive disappeared. “If I were you I’d leave this place...some very dangerous things are coming and you are not worth my time!”

 “Are you Wendy Darling?” Zelena ignored the advice, not ready to give up so easily.

 “How do you know my name?” The girl raised her hand, ready to do whatever magic it took to keep herself safe.

 “We came looking for you...there is a powerful witch, that we believe might be coming your way,” Regina explained to the confused girl.

 “Gothel...I had the displeasure of meeting that hag a few days ago.” Wendy spat, shaking away the creepy feeling that comes when the witch is mentioned.

 “What did she want?” Zelena pried.

 “That’s not how this works...you want something, you’ve got to give something.” The blonde smirked at the redhead, watching as a look of fury crept onto Zelena‘ face.

 “Listen here you little-” Hook quickly stepped in front of the redhead, effectively cutting her off.

 “How do we know we can trust you? That you’re not just working with Gothel?” The pirate spat back, deciding that it was best he dealt the Wendy.

 “I want her gone just as much as you do...but I’m not the key.” Wendy winked, before moving to pull

herself up onto a nearby boulder.

 “The key? How do we find it?” Hook stepped forward, not backing down to a child.

 “You know my rules. You do me a little favor and I tell you everything you need to know, to defeat that bitch!”

 “That kind of favor…” Hook sighed defeatedly.  

 “You can’t be serious Killian!” Zelena snapped, grabbing the pirate and turning him around violently to face her.

 “We have too!” The man snapped back, startling the redhead. “For our girls and their happiness...we have too.” He placed his hand on her shoulder as he stared deeply into her eyes, silently begging her to go along with this.

 “Okay...what is it you want?” Zelena smirked at the young girl.

 “It’s simple really...I want my power back!” The blonde clapped wickedly. “And you three are going to be the ones that get it for me.” The four were quickly engulfed in a cloud of thick yellow smoke.

 ***

 “Robin! Do you see them?” Alice called from the hill just beside their camp for the evening.

 “See what Tower Girl?” Robin questioned as she climbed the last few feet on the hill.

 “The lights…” The blonde stared up at the sky in a daydream, as a large group of fireflies buzzed overhead, lighting up the small campsite.

 “It’s beautiful.” Robin smiled as she finally reached her lover. Pulling Alice from her daydream as she intertwined their fingers together.

 “I used to see them all the time in the Tower...my Papa would make me count them before bed, that’s how he taught me,” Alice whispered as Robin moved to stand behind her, wrapping her arms tightly around her blonde love.

 “We never had any in Storybrooke...we didn’t have much of what this world has actually.” The archer explained as they swayed gently in the wind together.

 “They did have something so much better than all the little wonders we have here.” The blonde mumbled as she managed to turn around to face the brunette, without breaking Robin’s tight hold on her.

 “And what was that? Candy apples?” Robin teased, as she leaned into to brush against the blonde's lips gently.

 “They had a Robin Mills...I would have given anything to have one of those in my tower with me.” Alice smiled before capturing Robin’s lips lovingly as she tangled her fingers in the archers braid.

 “Well you have the one and only Robin Mills right now...what do you plan to do to her?” Robin teased as she pulled away from her lover's lips.

 “Now...that would be telling.” Alice purred, before breaking free of Robin’s hold and running down towards the fire, ready for her night under the stars with Robin and no curfew to interrupt them. 

AO3

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