#my explanation is ive finally snAPPEd lmao

[pinayelf-archive]

Cullen Rutherford (Dragon Age: Inquisition) & Ryan Lucan (Life is Strange: True Colors) parallels aka i have a type 

[fredshufflepuff]

Hii :)

Could I request a Marauders x Reader where the Marauders spent a lot of time without her and she feels like they don’t love her anymore or like they are just using her for sex.

But with a happy ending :)

Have a great day !!!

always love you || r.l x j.p x s.b ✧˖*°࿐

summary: the boys have been ignoring you for the past few days, making you wonder what you did wrong.

a/n: my first marauders imagine, IVE BEEN WAITING FOR THIS ONE TURN IT UP

warnings: poly!relationship, fem!reader, pet names, little angst, mentions of sex BUT NO ACTUAL SEX, crying, lots of fluff, feeling sad??? man idk

word count: idk a lot of words. LMAO SORRY it’s 1,468

you sat at the gryffindor table with wondering eyes, trying to find where your boyfriends could be as you nibbled on a piece of toast.

they’d usually meet you at breakfast, remus being the first one up, followed by james and then some time later sirius.

but when they never came, your stomach dropped and your mood soured. this was the third time they’ve skipped out on breakfast, and you couldn’t help but think that maybe this was your fault.

the boys loved to eat, no matter how busy or stressed they were, they would always join you for a quick snack.

but not recently.

recently you’ve felt like they’ve been avoiding you.

it was a crazy and paranoid thought, but these past few days have just been proving your suspicion.

“james!” you called out, the speckled boy snapping his head towards you with wide eyes, he looked just like a dear in the headlights.

you made your way through the sea of students, pushing lightly past students to get to the boy.

“hi jamesie” you smiled once you finally got to him, your arms wrapping around his torso out of instinct.

“h-hi” he stutter out, your eyebrows knitting together at his voice change. james never stuttered, unless he was hiding something.

“what’s wrong?”

“i just, havetogo” he rushed out, your arms dropping from his waist as he spun on his heel and walked off.

now you really felt like shit. why was he so jumpy? why was he so nervous? especially around you.

you couldn’t help but think back to the last time you hung out with the boys, the three of them fucking you in a broom closet after classes.

your stomach seemed to sink, not flutter when you thought about your last interaction with them. usually you’d be flustered, a little giggly maybe, but you just felt disgusted.

did you do something wrong during that intimate moment? maybe you did something they didn’t like, or said something that turned them off.

oh my god, did you turn them off? were they no longer attracted to you? is that why james tensed up when you hugged him?

you hadn’t realized you were crying until you felt your face get wet, your hands quickly and aggressively wiping under your eyes.

you didn’t want to jump to conclusions, and decide right there and then that the boys didn’t love you anymore. but it was hard, hard to see anything other than that.

throughout the day you kept yourself busy, going to your dorm to eat and hiding in the library to do your work—not like anyone was looking for you anyways.

“i saw her go in just minutes ago!” sirius whisper shouted, the boys standing outside your door debating on what to do.

they saw you brush past them in the common room without saying a word, no kisses or hugs, no anything.

which was extremely unusual of you. you were always affectionate with them, asking them how their days were while cuddling them in bed, something the boys loved and always looked forward too.

“are you sure?” james asked, sirius thumping him up side the head with a scowl, “of course i am!”

“sirius! knock it off” remus scolded, your boys bickering back and forth with each other—only waking you from your nap.

“i’m going to go in, stay here and don’t kill each other.”

you quickly turned on your side and closed your eyes, pretending you were asleep to avoid any type of interaction.

the door creaked open slowly, making you cringe to yourself as footsteps entered the room.

“y/n? love, are you awake?” remus’s soft voice spoke, the door closing behind him as he made his way over to the bed.

“pup, i know when you’re sleeping” he said, the mattress dipping as a hand cupped the side of your face.

“i’m sleeping” you mumbled, sarcasm laced in your words as you turned to stuff your face in the pillow.

remus’s face twisted in confusion, surprised by your sudden attitude towards him. you never acted like that towards him. james? somethings if he got on your nerves but it was rare. sirius? all the time.

but you never dared to with remus. he was the more gentle and soft one of the three boys, always giving you the opportunity to explain yourself and tell him what’s going on.

“what’s the problem, pup? why the attitude?” he asked, not wanting his temper to get the best of him.

something was obviously bothering you, he needed to comfort you, not snap at you for the way you were talking to him.

“do you love me anymore?”

your voice was muffled by the pillow but remus could hear you clearly, his heart dropping as soon as those words had left your mouth.

“do i love you anymore?! of course i do, i’ve never stopped. what made you think i didn’t?”

his hand dropped to your arm, urging you to look at him. but when you did, his stomach dropped when he saw the tears clouding your glossy eyes.

“oh baby” he cooed, not wasting anytime in bringing you into a much needed hug, his warming embrace comforting you immediately, “don’t cry, darling. just tell me what’s been on that pretty little mind of yours, tell me how i can help.”

“you’ll think i’m stupid...” you mumbled, hiding your face in his chest as wet tears stained his school shirt.

“you aren’t stupid, puppy. and neither are your feelings” he assured, his large hand resting on the small of your back while the other stroked your hair, something that always calmed you.

“i just...i-i thought you fell out of love with me because you’ve been avoiding me. not intentionally i guess, but james was definitely odd with me, l-like he didn’t want to be around m-me” your voice cracked, the thought of your boys not loving you back clouding your thoughts.

remus sighed lowly after your mini rant, your heart clenching as you couldn’t help but look up at him.

“w-what?” you asked, really not wanting to know what he had to say, as you only feared for the worst.

“james wants to be around you, everyone does. but i told him to stay away” he said, your eyebrows knitting together as your mouth opened slightly, but remus had cut you off, “you know jamesie can’t keep a secret for the life of him.”

“mhm” you nodded, “b-but what secret?”

“our anniversary is coming up—me, padfoot and prongs wanted to surprise you with a nice, relaxing dinner in the astronomy tower. i just didn’t want james accidentally ruining the surprise—but, i guess i just did that, didn’t i?” remus laughed to himself, his explanation making your heart swell but break at the same time.

they were planning a dinner for you? you felt like shit, instead of letting them do their thing without question, you assumed the worst. you assumed they didn’t love you anymore and were only using you for one thing, sex.

“i’m sorry, remus” you whispered, his eyes widening as he quickly comforted you. “no, pup. you have no reason to be sorry.”

“b-but i-”

“did nothing wrong. you had every right to get upset, i should’ve taped prongs mouth shut instead of keep him away” he said, half joking as you giggled stiffly.

“so...you aren’t mad?” you asked, your boyfriend tucking a piece of lose hair behind your ear before kissing the tip of your nose.

“i could never be mad at you, pup. i love you so much.”

“i love you too, remus” you smiled, cuddling into his chest as he hugged you tightly.

“can we come in now?”

“almost forgot about those knuckle heads” remus mumbled, another giggle leaving your lips as your two boys entered the room.

“everything okay in here, pup?” james asked, a pout on his face when he noticed the tears stained into your cheeks.

“now it is” you smiled assuringly, ushering for him to join you along with sirius.

“although i think you look hot covered in tears, i don’t like you feeling unloved” sirius said, speaking up as he sat next to you, his hand column to on your back.

“i never said unloved...just-”

“hey, it was only a few days” remus cut off, the pad of his thumb running under your eye softly, “but i promise you we’ll do everything for you to feel included. even if that involves planning a date for our girl.”

“which, just by the way, i didn’t spoil this time!” james pointed out, a smile on your face as remus shoved him playfully.

“you all owe me kisses from the last three days” you said, turning around in remus’s lap so you could toss your legs over sirius’s thighs, a warm smile on his face.

“we’ll do more than that, pup. don’t you worry.”

marauders tag list 🏷 @fjorelaant @drachoesimp @msmb @pinkandblueblurbs @roonilwazlibswhore @dlmmdl @dagirlintheback @onyourgoddamnleft @moonyinthelight @iamnibbsi @samineisntmyname @amourtentiaa @elizabethrosedarling @authorb @justasmolballofstress @persephonestoad @letmereadpls @escapingrealitybyreading

[snapdragon-mina]

Critical Beauty

A/n: This is my part of the POCuties Playlist Collab :)

I love bo with my WHOLE heart. I'm sorry if it seems rushed or ooc, ive been hella stressed lmao. Anyway, enjoy this fic based on Critical Beauty by Pentagon.

Warnings: Swearing? I think that's all.

•••

You became friends with Konoha Akinori rather easily when you transferred. He was fun to be around and you guys just clicked. After a few weeks of friendship, he offered for you to come watch him and the team practice.

"Hey, (l/n), you don't have anything to do after school... Do you?" He asked.

"Uh no, not that I know of. Why?"

"I wanted to see if you'd come watch me and the others practice." He shrugged as he relaxed in his seat keeping a watchful eye on the clock.

"Volleyball practice? That's a bunch of hot sweaty men in one place, sir who do you take me for?" You held a look of disgust on your face as you looked at him. Konoha snorted and shot you a look.

"You don't wanna know."

You faked offense but agreed to watch his practice after class.

You arrived shortly after practice had already begun. You opted for quietly taking a seat as nobody had even seemed to notice you slip into the gym. You were there for a good five minutes before Konoha realized you were already here. He had stopped dead in his tracks, piquing someone's attention.

"Wait, (l/n), when did you get here?"

You rolled your eyes at the question. "Been here for like 5 minutes, thanks for finally noticing tho." As the two of you were joking around you could feel someone else's eyes on you.

"Konoha, why is the one with that phat ass staring at me-"

As soon as those words left your lips, Bokuto froze and all eyes were on him. Akaashi bumped his shoulder against Bokuto's and that knocked him out of his semi-frozen state. "What's your name?" He blurted out almost immediately.

You raised an eyebrow but answered him nonetheless. "I'm (l/n) (y/n); Konoha's only friend."

Konoha flipped you off at that.

"I'm Bokuto Kōtarō, Its nice to meet you (l/n)-chan!" He smiled really wide up at you.

"(l/n)-chan, huh? Okay." You smiled back down at him and he swears he felt his heart swell.

•••

At this point the entire school knew. A few days ago, you bumped into Bokuto in the hallways. As you went to apologize, his eyes lit up and he reached into his bag, pulling out a -somehow perfectly intact- flower. "(l/n)-chan! This morning I was walking, and there was a rose. If you like it you can take it!"

"Oh, thank you, Bo. Pink is actually one of my favorite colors." You smiled as you gently took the rose from his hands.

His eyes widened slightly at your smile and shifted his eyes away. "I never knew you liked pink... But now that you're holding it in front of me, It suits you." He walked off before you could notice the growing warmth spreading through his face.

That wasn't the only time, though. Over the course of three months, you would receive dozens of gifts. Anything ranging from flowers, to food, to jewelry. He always said something that made it super obvious how absolutely infatuated he was with you. However, his dumb ass didn't even realize he was being obvious until you called him out during his latest gift.

Bokuto came up to you after one of his practices. "Something annoying but sparkling was strangely in my pocket. I swear I don't know how it got there." He handed you a silver ring with some sort of gem inside of it. Was it real? You have no idea but you wouldn't put it past him if it was. "You can have it, since my fingers dont fit."

You looked at him skeptically before slipping the ring onto one of your fingers. His face started heating up again as he watched you and you could've sworn you heard something along the lines of: "it fits on your finger so well that it gives me chills."

"Are you positive you have no idea where it came from?" You asked, peeping the ring that looked eerily similar to the one he just gave you, on his finger.

"Yep! Not a clue. It's just a coincidence that the same one happens to be on my finger too."

At this point you'd had enough. You stared him directly in his eyes, not saying or doing anything; waiting for him to crack.

He started shifting his weight from leg to leg under your gaze. "Don't stare at me like that." You didn't let up. "Fine, what are you curious about?" He tried to look anywhere but directly at you.

"Bo, you keep gifting me these little gifts. I really do appreciate them, but I need an explanation." You crossed your arms and waited patiently.

He took a few deep breaths to calm himself down. "I don't need to say the obvious again, it's written all over your face."

You grinned. "I'm not saying anything in response until I get a proper confession. Details and everything." Bokuto's eyes widened.

"I'm not ready to-"

Your smile softened. "That's fine, Bo. I already adore you as is, so I'll wait for you. Just do it when it feels right for you." The panicked look on his face dissipated and he nodded.

"Okay! Wait for me until then, please." And with that he ran off to do God knows what.

•••

Four more months and Bokuto was still giving you gifts, but he had yet to actually "confess properly". You were patient through it all and then one day, Bokuto stopped giving you gifts.

Your thoughts were spiralling as you questioned why. Why would he stop? Did he mean to? Did this fucking idiot go broke buying me all that shit? You shook your head as you walked towards you locker. You almost didn't notice Konoha standing there with a smug little shit eating grin as he held out a letter with a little heart seal on it.

"Konoha what are you-"

"(l/n)-chan I'm so in love with you, please make me the happiest man in the entire world and accept my confession!" It was obvious that he was faking. He could barely get through a word without laughing.

"Eat shit and die." You laughed as you snatched the letter from his hands.

"It's actually Bokuto-san's letter. He was supposed to give it to you like a week ago but he chickened out and Akaashi-san had to get the letter from him. He asked me to deliver it to you since we're in the same class and all."

"Oh say less" He waved goodbye to you and walked off, leaving you with the letter. You carefully opened it and read it to yourself silently.

"I would fall over and die if I said this in person, but this is a letter! :)

Day after day I live for you, I'll give you everything. If Im with you I swear everywhere will feel like Hollywood. You have the best smile I've ever seen and everytime you smile I feel really hot, it's like I'm addicted to you. I just want you to know that I really really really like you.

-Bo <3"

You smiled softly before placing the letter in your bookbag and getting what you need out of your locker.

After class ended for the day, you walked towards the gym as you knew volleyball practice was being held today. The moment you pushed the door open, Bokuto's head snapped up and he looked at you. "(y/n)!"

"Ooh first name basis I see. Okay then, Hi Kōtarō." You smiled. He returned it as he dropped what he was doing and rushed to give you a hug. You returned it with a laugh. "Dude, you're all sweaty."

He pulled away and apologized quickly. "So uhm, did you? I mean, did Konoha give you my letter?"

"He did. Kou, you are the absolute fucking cutest." His smile grew almost 10 times wider. He looked and felt nothing but pure euphoria at that response. You could hear his signature "Hey Hey Hey" outside with how happy he felt. He all but peppered little kisses all over your face.

"Bokuto-san we have to finish practice." Akaashi called out and Bokuto nodded and promised that he'd take you out on a real date as soon as he was able to.

"I swear I'll make you as happy as you made me."

[elftwink]

i know i said i would take a few weeks but i’m almost done htn lol yesterday one of my classes was delayed by like 20 mins after i already got there over half an hour early so i banged out a couple hundred pages then (side note i always forget how fun it is to read that much in a day, but also if i keep doing it i’m going to run out of books to read during my commute). i think i have a chapter or two left? maybe less if there’s stuff at the back after the story like in gtn. anyway some thots under the cut. spoilers obvs

i am a LITTLE annoyed at myself bc i was gonna post about a couple theories i had but i just kept reading and now you all just have to take me at my word that i was right about some stuff (what happened to gideon and harrow’s brain surgery that she did on herself fwiw) but anyway. gideon is back at least temporarily and omg i missed her so much. i’m like RIGHT in the middle of the final battle (confrontation? both?) so i have no idea if she makes it through... intact but i missed the quips

in general i would say that i enjoyed reading gtn a little more (i like gideon’s internal commentary quite a bit and the second person perspective, although BEAUTIFULLY used holy shit, took me awhile to adjust to), i think htn is... not better written per se but more artfully constructed [i guess??]. i think i’m almost more excited to do a reread than i am to actually finish because then i can go back over and see the big picture because htn is very good at showing you only a little bit but also making you feel like you can figure out what’s going on if you pay enough attention (you can’t, i don’t think, not all of it; harrow never has enough information at her disposal). every time things are revealed it feels like another puzzle piece snapping into place and it’s all so intentional that even when i think i don’t particularly care for an element it always ends up making total sense and being incredibly well suited to the story. 

anyway like i said i’m not done done yet and so the final resolution and explanation of everything escapes me still so this is more me rambling than anything else but iirc when the fourth kids died in gtn the writing on the wall that gideon saw was at least the same font as all the notes to harrow in this one so. i think maybe i’m just not keeping very good track of who is in what body at any given time but at that point it was just cytherea in disguise killing people. we knew she killed fifth the first time (magnus or abigail said so when harrow asked), and afaik the sleeper [cant remember her name because she had like. several? wake me up inside? though that might have been someone else. i’m always getting names mixed up. good grief. anyway] really only exists in harrow’s fake memories at the moment (well, i think she is tied to the two handed longsword. was? you can really tell i’m gonna need to do a reread to have any coherent thoughts about this all lmao) sooooo. i don’t know where i’m going with this i feel like i can’t draw conclusions without like taking notes on it all but ive connected the dots. ive connected them. what is the picture that i’m connecting the dots for? i don’t fucking know i’m just connecting them

it is imo just very fun to talk about these books and try to predict what’s going to happen next because i always guess enough that i feel self satisfied but am missing enough that every reveal still gets me. muir is an excellent author i will say that much. anyway i have class now and i’ll probably be done htn before the day is out so expect another long ass post about it lol

[kyetalksshit]

dream log: 7/8/19

henlos friendlos if u enjoyed that last installment of wHAT THE FUCK did i just dream, enjoy another one, this time accompanied by a recurring hellscape that i very very very much do not love!!!!! hahahahahahahahahaha i hate it let’s go

so i started out the dream hanging out with some friends of mine who, for whatever reason, were morgan adams and her friend (whose name i don’t currently remember. i know it but my i am fully blanking lol. it’s her best friend, the one she grew up with and often has in videos. anyway. lol). so i remember we were hanging out, i think on like a road trip or a picnic or something weird? I’m not totally sure but i have a weirdly vivid memory of like a woven picnic basket and sitting in the back of a pickup truck with them in like beach gear and sunglasses? i also vaguely remember a small dog that was mostly white and a little grey with those really short but thick and tight curls. he was very cute and i love him and i wish i remember anything else about him. i don’t think he was in the dream after this. 

so somehow, i guess we lived in a dorm together with this like weirdly big concrete backyard and a pool (honestly if you’ve ever played stardew valley, it kinda looked like the irl version but more condensed and again, all concrete instead of grass or dirt). our room had a sliding glass door that led straight to the back yard. actually, i don’t know for sure if we lived in a dorm because we had a family there and i guess it was both our family? but we weren’t related... but somehow... ugh idk. maybe they were host families and i was living with her in hawaii lmao who knows

anyway. so at one point in the middle of the night one night, i decided to wander around outside to take in the air, look at the stars, and get a little privacy. so when you walk out of the sliding glass doors, basically like a little ways in front of you and slightly to the left was a MASSIVE in ground pool, not covered or anything, vibrant blue water and all, in that like ear shape kind of? and not only was the ground white cement, but there were also these huge industrial lights all the way around the whole yard so you could see really easily at night. to the right of that was a good bit of open space, literally just cement. i think there were a few pool chairs or something. but then when you’re standing in the sliding door, straight ahead but WAYYYYYYYYYY at the back was this small bit of wooden fence. it was odd because everything else was cement or stone or whatever, and wherever it started and stopped on either side was actually conveniently covered by low hanging tree branches and ivy and whatnot. and right in the middle of that little bit of wooden fence was a gate with a rounded top and black iron hinges and a black iron handle. 

me being me, i was drawn to it; the one little naturey part of this concrete and stone yard, so i walked immediately toward it, almost enchanted. instead of pausing to look at it like i’d planned to (for whatever reason i knew that we weren’t allowed to leave the house until the morning, like nightly), i reached straight for the handle and opened it. 

instead of leading out, it actually led directly inside this mansion type place. there were a lot of people running frantically in circles but they didn’t seem to see me. however, there were some like vampire looking people in lab coats who would look at me and nod once, and keep going. i let go of the handle, already inside (although i never noticed taking the steps inside) and the door closed. now this was a place i recognized from MANY previous dreams, and couldn’t remember at first WHY i recognized it, just that it was familiar. but as soon as the door slammed i spun around to leave; that’s NEVER a good sign. but there was no door at all, just wallpaper. like old vintage green and gold wallpaper, separated by a wood accent and the gold side decorated in little green emblems that look like that symbol i can’t remember the fucking name of lol but it’s almost like a trident, since it has three prongs, but the middle one is much taller, the outer two are curved away from the middle, and they all come together at the bottom in the middle. 

panic. 

i suddenly realize that all of the people running frantically are being chased by these vampires in lab coats (and some other various monsters, but mostly vamps in coats), and they’re all screaming various forms of “help me”.

now i began in a small foyer, however there are a few rooms scattered around with no door but they are all pitch black inside, there is an elevator to the left that seems to only be used by the monsters and not the people running, and in the middle is what seems to be a never ending staircase. it goes up and up and up and up and UP and down and down and down and down down down down down. and so on. i start running, trying to find another way out, also yelling for help, and where’s the exit, and i just want to get out of here and such, and i start being chased too!! in the moment this is to be expected; i have been lured here and trapped for consumption. i guess the monsters enjoy the chase; it’s set up like a hotel but also like a doctor’s office. it’s odd. maybe i just got that impression because of the lab coats. 

at some point i happen to lose a vampire and slip into one of the few rooms with an old rickety door on it that is also not locked. it in fact does look like a hospital room, bed/iv/all that, and there’s a curtain to the left. i run over there and find multiple people with fingers to their mouths so i don’t scream when i see them. i think we exchanged like “how long have you been here” and “what’s your story” and stuff, and then we heard the door creak slowly open. we all fell silent. 

it was a doctor. a vampire doctor or a zombie doctor or something, either way he was a monster. idk how i know this, maybe i peeked around the curtain or something, but he was holding a clipboard and looking down at the bed and talking to it as though there were a patient in it. there was not. 

something clicked in my brain and i remembered this place, this room, everything from my past dreams. and the trick is not to run, not to scream. you walk calmly, do your best to not feel the fear pumping through your veins. they will nod at you as they walk. you MUST. nod. back. or you will die. 

as you do so, you will find your door, no matter what floor you’re on. it will be in the same place on that floor that it was when you first entered (on the same wall or whatever). so i waited for the doctor to leave, wished everyone luck (idr if i told them how to leave tbh, i think i mentioned it? but some of them chuckled. like i remember there was a skater boi with long black hair and a beanie sitting up on the counter who like laughed and shook his head but offered no explanation. but either way i had to try it again. if it didn’t work i’d die, but if i didn’t try i’d die too.)

thankfully no one was walking down the hallway as i was exiting, so i was able to shut the door quietly behind myself, straighten my back, and start walking. as i did, the tests began. one doctor nodded and passed. another. another. and as i rounded the corner to my right, i felt a feminine presence beside me. however, you could not make eye contact with anyone but the doctors/monsters. so i kept my head forward as we passed the elevators to the right and my door materialized where i remembered it being. i almost picked up my pace but the girl beside me gently placed a hand on my right forearm (again, not looking at me) and i was reminded to keep my pace steady. i grabbed the handle and exited, and the door slammed shut behind me and i breathed finally, and whipped around to the girl beside me. 

it was morgan. 

she said she’d followed me in there and when she saw what i was doing, decided to follow. i was thrilled to see her. i hugged her tightly and we headed back up to the sliding glass doors. we snuck inside and went to sleep and pretended we never left. 

when we woke up in the morning, our dad and i guess younger sister (suddenly morgan’s friend wasn’t there, i guess she was only there for day 1 idk) decided to take us fishing. we couldn’t really say no, the girl was so excited about it, and our dad made it clear it wasn’t reaaaaally optional. but nevertheless, he was stoked to go, and i felt like it was going to be a good day. 

morgan, however, was acting strange. it was in little ways at first; i’d say her name and she wouldn’t respond, she’d forget that she had to eat, she’d just stop talking for minutes at a time and stare blankly at nothing. but she was trying to... readjust. i knew something was up. 

when it hit me that maybe morgan hadn’t followed me, maybe i brought something else out, literally i didn’t even have to say anything, her eyes just snapped to me. it was fucking spooky to say the least. i waited until we were out of the truck bed and could speak in slight privacy, and i mumbled to her “i know you’re not morgan.” in response, she simply leaned much closer to me, once again walking side by side on my right, looking straight ahead, but she didn’t say anything. she just leaned really fucking close while we were walking. i have this weirdly vivid image of her shirt sleeve being like a delicate and semi see through light pink mesh material. odd. i also am getting the name emily (and did at some point in the dream but idr when). oof i’m still kinda spooked reliving this. anyway. 

so to appease her a little i told her that i wasn’t upset she was using morgan. she straightened a little, and i said i could help her find her way back. again, she still wouldn’t speak to me but she looked at me in alarm, her eyes pleading. so i said maybe i could help her find somewhere else that she could live and morgan could be free. she sighed a little but seemed to agree. 

i somehow knew she was the ghost of a girl named emily who had been trapped in that hotel/hospital/hellscape for decades. again, in hindsight (in the moment and especially now), she never actually spoke. like at all. she communicated but not with words. it was odd.  

after that i have some sort of fuzzy memories of meeting and trying to figure out a way for her to leave morgan alone, some kind of plotting where we’d have to go back into the hellscape and get back out separately, but i don’t remember. i think she had to find a new body (either one that would already be trapped, or maybe her old one, who knows) and it was only ethical to take one from there. morgan, she had just taken the shape of based on my memory of her and then inhabited her body overnight when we got back. anyway. 

so, yeah. i woke up thankfully before we got back, and when i fell back asleep i wasn’t there again. but let me just tell you, the longer i’ve been sitting here typing this, the more freaked out i’m getting, the more i feel eyes on me, and the more i can swear i hear the screams from that hellscape that i’ve been trapped in so many times throughout my years of dreaming. i even thought i felt someone shaking my chair a moment ago. 

i hope u enjoyed this spookfest if you managed to stay captivated long enough. it’ll be too soon if i ever have to see that place again. 

let me know what your thoughts are on this if you have any, or even general spooked reactions and shit. i’m gonna go get a snack to distract myself and watch some cheery youtube videos. 

bye!

[saintkimora]

here is part 2

so the tinamarie convo was almost over, there was just a few more parts. first of all he said “i dont let anyone police my language” like ????????? that is so STUPID of him to say like what hes just allowed to say whatever he wants with no criticism???? for someone who claims to be socially conscious he sure was sounding like an antisjw

at one point i was like “ok im sorry, next time ill let you vent and let it all out and if i have an issue with what you say ill bring it up later after youve cooled off and be like ‘hey joel i know you were mad but it bothered me when you said this’ or s/t like that” and he was like “no” bc no one polices his language and he just wants to be human bla bla bla it was so annoying!! like here i am trying to compromise and find middle ground but he is so stubborn 

it was also annoying how in the text he made it like i criticize everything he says when literally the ONLY times ive ever critiqued what he said are the current situation and when he calls women the b word thats literally the ONLY times ive ~policed his language~

then after the tinamarie convo i decided to bring up the no promises thing from before since we are already on the topic of serious conversations. here is the post if you dont remember, its from like 2 weeks ago http://saintkimora.tumblr.com/post/167023269008/ok-here-is-what-happened-w-joel-last-nightmore 

so i told him that i was really hurt when he said that and i brought up basically what i said in that post. and he explained himself, and his explanation was kinda ok. he said he doesnt make promises at all and thats like his motto in life (which is stupid bc society is kind of built on promises but whatever thats his opinion i guess) but i said “well it wouldve made me feel a little better if you had explained that when you said it instead of just being like “oh i cant make any promises so it isnt fair of you to ask that of me.” i also told him that the promise wasnt the focal point of my request, he was getting hung up on the wrong part. and i told him that he couldve at least said like “i dont make promises, but ill try not to (break up w me over text)” or “i dont make promises, but i hope i dont” just to at least show that he cares. he was silent for this which means i was right, but it was also annoying bc i guess if he cant make an argument he just doesnt say anything instead of being like “you know what youre right” 

i also said i was upset bc i came to him w a serious issue and instead of taking it seriously he gave me a smartass answer (”oh i cant predict the future so i cant make any promises”) and he was like it wasnt a smartass answer, it was an honest answer and i was like “well literally every person ive talked to has said it was a fucked up thing for you to say and even my therapist was taken aback when i told her what you said, so yeah maybe it was a fucked up thing to say” and he was like “well i stand by what i said” like here he is being stubborn again like why cant he ever just admit hes wrong 

so the promise conversation ended. then we had a general discussion about the relationship. i decided to tell him i had a panic attack and i told him how i felt (which i already described in the first post). and like...this whole time we were on his couch and he was laying down and i was sitting up w his legs on my lap. so at this point when i was telling him how i felt i was starting to cry and it was obvious i was crying (i even said like “one second im about to start crying”) and he didnt do anything except continue the discussion. like, if we were switched and he started crying i wouldve sat up immediately and hugged him and tried to comfort him. and he did none of that! even if he didnt wanna get up he couldve at least like reached out and held my hand, just SOMETHING but no instead i just sat there awkwardly trying not to cry while he just laid there talking with no emotion in his voice

he also said like “ive had panic attacks before so i understand what theyre like, if you were having one you couldve called me and i wouldve been nice and tried to help you through it” and i told him how i was too scared to call bc i didnt wanna make the situation worse, and i told him i didnt want to be just another issue for him to “deal with” and he was quiet when i said that bc i think he realized that was literally what he said about me earlier during the tinamarie part of the convo. i also told him i was scared bc last time i talked to him on the phone when he was in a bad mood he snapped at me so i didnt want that to happen again. i also told him i texted tristan instead and he helped me through it lmao

this is the end of part 2, the final part will come soon but typing this all out is v draining emotionally and also my fingers are getting tired so im gonna take a little break lol