#my family kept bringing up memories of when i was like a baby and when he took me around

[kulliare]

trying to not rage over the fact that inevitably i will be asked how my break went and then being unable to say that my grandpa died and i will have to swallow it down like everything else

[ivysangel]

surprise post bc my blogs fixed woo hoo!! i initially sent this as an ask to @hanasnx as my contribution to his baby daddy!jason au, but i also wanted to share it here for u guys as a little treat :p

Baby Daddy!Jason, who you co-parent with, in a very civilized way. No joke, the picture of camaraderie between exes. He takes your daughter on the days he's supposed to (which isn't that often, given his occupation) and brings her back on time, always with a little gift for you as well. Flowers, chocolates, a little knick-knack reminiscent of when you were together. It's not because he's in love with you or anything; it's just the principle of the matter. "Happy wife, happy life," not that you were married or even dating, but he figures the mother of his child should get love sometimes.

Baby Daddy!Jason, who, the next time he sees you, it's to drop off something your daughter forgot with him, and as he's handing you the bag, he casually asks why you haven't been asking him to take her more often. You had been for a while when you were going on dates weekly, but for some reason, the relationships never went anywhere, so you just gave up. "Oh, you know, it just wasn't working out." you say off-handedly, "Kept getting ghosted." you sound only marginally disappointed, moreso annoyed. "What a shame, they're really missing out," he says, getting real close to you and taking up your entire field of vision.

Baby Daddy!Jason, who's got your entire calendar memorized and knows that his daughter's not home tonight and that you've got no plans other than watching movies in solitude. He knows you're too stubborn to call him over for company even though you've been giving him fuck me eyes in passing for the past few months, so he figures he just has to take matters into his own hands and corner you until you give in like he knows you want to.

Baby Daddy!Jason, who fucks you on damn near every surface in the house, telling you he's just christening the place like he would've already done if you lived together. Whispers apologies in your ears about scaring off all of your dates while he's splitting you open, bullying his cock into you while your eyes roll to the back of your head because you haven't been fucked this good in years, not since the last time you'd been with him. You're face is deep in some pillows when you realize the memories you had of his dick pale in comparison to the real thing, and you aren't sure you could go back to using your imagination to get off after tonight.

Baby Daddy!Jason, who keeps you up all night until your pussy's red and puffy from how many times it'd come in contact with his hips while he was fucking you. Fat tip kissing your cervix until you were clawing at his biceps, begging him to give you some reprieve, tears in your eyes while you babbled incoherently, too lost in the feeling of him to make any sense. He admits in the midst of sex that he tried to get over you; he really did, but he just couldn't; he just couldn't picture you with another man in any capacity. The thought of someone else touching you, fucking you, loving you, made his stomach turn, filling him with rage and an overwhelming need to claim you as his.

Baby Daddy!Jason, who's a level-headed, non-fragile ego'd man until it comes to his family, which, contrary to what some would say, did not only consist of his daughter but you too, and any guy who tried to get with you was a threat. he didn't know the intentions of other men, but he knew his own, which was to keep his little family happy as long as he was alive. If that meant putting a gun to the head of anyone who made a move on you and consoling you by stretching you out the way he knew you liked until you just said "fuck it" and let him put another baby in you, then so be it.

[buckyalpine]

Request 👉🏼👈🏼 ? Black widow!reader and winter soldier!Bucky! He was her teacher in the red room, where they eventually fell in love and started a secret relationship, until Hydra and Dreykov found out and separated them. Fast forward several years, Bucky’s out of recovery, reunited with Steve, and living a better life when Tony brings in a new team member. And everyone’s excited but Bucky’s on edge and kinda wary until he learns who it is.

It’s his lil widow, the love of his life, his soulmate. the one Hydra and the red room stole from him, the girl he kept dreaming about no matter how many times his handlers tried to wipe his memories. Just complete fluffy, smutty, love sick shit with him being a massive simp for his deadly girl. maybe building a family, getting married, drabbles of him drooling over her skills or her in the widow suit, like oh yea, I taught her that. I can imagine him being so overly protective, constantly holding her close to his chest because she was stolen away from him once, he won’t survive if that happens again.

YESSSSS God this is so cute and smutty and angsty and FLUFFY it makes my chest itch in the best way. Pls ignore what google translate may have botched. Bucky is the cutest, horny, most deadly simp here, so proud of his girl, absolutely yes.

"ne proyavlyay miloserdiya, soldat" [Show no mercy, soldier], Dreykov hissed, letting the soldier enter the red room with a single widow standing before him, not an ounce of fear in her eyes. The soldier grunted, hitting the button that locked the door that kept her from escaping before lunging forward, testing her agility after personally training her himself.

She leapt over him with ease, bracing her hands on his wide shoulders and landing swiftly behind him and swiping her leg under him to knock him to the floor, straddling him immediately after. He grasped her hands in his, rolling over till she was pinned under his large mass with her wrists held together above her head in his metal hand.

"You've learned well kotenok" His voice was husky behind the mask, blue eyes sparkling while she huffed, rolling her eyes.

"Nespravedlivo, kogda ty takoy bol'shoy, soldat" [Not fair when you're so large, soldier]. She gasped feeling him harden on top of her, his rough uniform doing nothing to hide what he was feeling for her, slotted between her thighs.

"Nespravedlivo, kogda ty takoy krasivyy, kotonok" [Not fair when you're so pretty, kitten]. He climbed off her, allowing her to get into position before attacking again, relentlessly throwing punches and blocking them till she nearly collapsed. They retreated to stand at attention at the sound of the doors hissing open, indicating training was over. The soldier grunted a nod as Dreykov walked in, assessing the widow, a sinister smile plastered on his face seeing both of his assets worn but still at their strongest.

He sent them off to their cells, confident that the fear he'd instilled in his captives would be enough to ensure they stayed in line, not realizing his punishments would only go so far.

It wasn't enough to stop the charming young man from Brooklyn who still lived in his most feared asset.

"Did I hurt you baby" The soldier whispered, kissing her bruised knuckles softly after sneaking into her cell, pulling her into his arms.

"You could never" She smiled, melting into his embrace. She never intended on falling in love with the soldier but here she was, feeling his gentle hands wander, leaning up to kiss his soft, pink lips. They were playing a dangerous game but it was to stop now.

He loved her.

She loved him.

-

"Wipe him" The hydra agent ordered while the soldier gripped onto the chair, gritting his teeth while sharp burning spread through his body, frying his brain. The widow dug her nails into her palms, resolve slowly crumbling seeing the love of her life tortured, unable to hold back anymore.

"Stop!" She finally broke, unable to watch any longer, gasping at the sinister smile Dreykov gave her, ordering his men to grab her before increasing the voltage.

"My, my, does it hurt you when we hurt him" Dreykov sneered, turning up the dial, Bucky's screams tearing her apart on the inside.

"Don't-AH-JAMES" A hydra soldier gripped her hair, yanking her back before she could go to him, shackles binding her hands together, dragging her away.

"kotenok" [kitten] The soldier sadly whispered, unheard by her, her kicking and screaming form blurry from his unshed tears. He screamed in pain as another shock ripped through his veins before the world went black.

He never saw her again.

-

Bucky gasped, sucking in a deep breath of air, his chest heaving from the dream he'd just had, sweat covering his chest, dripping from his forehead.

It was the same thing almost every night.

His mind replaying the same thing over and over again; training with her in the red room, the way she felt under him, the way he'd cuddle and make love to her afterwards without a soul knowing. He didn't plan on falling for the woman he had to train to be a killer but he didn't stand a chance the day she'd knocked him down with a knife pressed to his neck seconds later. He could have married her then and there.

He slumped back against his pillow, running a hand over his face, groaning in frustration.

In the several years, he'd slowly managed to get his life back together. He was apart of the team and living at the compound with Steve and the others. He was no longer controlled by trigger words, he had been forgiven by the government, he was starting to recover from all the trauma he'd endured. His nightmares were less frequent, slowly learning to forgive himself for the things he'd been forced to do under Hydras control.

The only thing he never got over was her.

She still lived in his dreams. Still owned his heart. That was his girl and she was torn away by the very people that had taken everything else from him too. No amount of wiping or torture took her away. His handler tried his hardest, shocking him till his nose bled and his veins nearly burnt to bits but her name would fall from his lips as he lay nearly unconscious.

His sweet widow.

Bucky glanced at the faint light starting to stream through the curtains, swinging his legs over the edge of his bed to get up instead of attempting to sleep for 5 more minutes. He threw on a hoodie and some joggers, making his way to the gym to punch his feelings away as usual. He didn't stop till his knuckles split, ignoring the sting, instead thinking about how he'd kiss her soft hands after he'd train her, bandaging them up when no one was looking.

The hot water from the shower did little to ease the tension in his muscles as he made his way to the kitchen next, plopping onto a stool with a cup of coffee. He was just about to try and relax with his coffee until Steve popped his head in with a grin.

"There you are! Tony was looking for you, we're all heading up now!" Bucky frowned in confusion while Steve grabbed his own mug, filling his cup.

"Why are we having a meeting" Bucky questioned, not willing to get up from his seat, his mind still preoccupied.

"He told you he scouted someone to join the team"

"I remember Tony going on about some new member" Bucky mumbled, not in the mood to meet new people, his anxiety only growing further. "That's today?"

Steve nodded, finishing up the last of his coffee while the brunette stayed glued to the stool.

"Buck, you coming?" Steve turned back to see a frowning Bucky, reluctantly trudging behind the captain while the others excitedly also made their way upstairs to the conference area.

"I heard Tony saying the new agent is scary as shit. Apparently he got his ass handed to him when he tried to test her and he was wearing his suit" Sam snorted while Nat smiled with excitement.

"Finally someone worth sparring with" The redhead nudged him while he shook his head.

"I'm serious! She's deadly deadly. I looked over her file, she's killed more people than you and Clint combined and half of those were hand to hand combat"

"What was the other half"

"Sniper. Like Barnes" Sam nodded to Bucky who was still disconnected from the others, his knee bouncing impatiently.

"We're lucky she's on our side" Steve mused, taking a glance of the file that sat on the table. There was no name or picture to go with it but it had a skillset record nearly put his to shame. "Jesus"

"You good?" Sam whispered to Bucky, noticing he was more closed off than usual, getting a tightlipped grimace like smile in return. Steve sat near the front, straightening himself up while the rest quietened down, hearing the sound of Tony speaking to someone as they approached the room. The billionaire opened the door, letting in the new team member first before entering himself with a large smile on his face.

"Everyone, this is-

"Y/n?" Bucky gasped, shoot up from his seat before Tony could finish, the other sharing confused glances between each other, watching the new team member and Bucky freeze.

"Wait, Barnes, you know-

"Malyshka, eto pravda ty?" [Babygirl, is it really you?] Bucky gasped, his heart hammering against his chest, tears already threatening to spill out. "kotenok, skazhi mne, pozhaluysta, chto eto ty" [kitten, please tell me its you]

"Hold up, he can still speak Russian?" Sam hissed to Steve who hadn't moved, mouth gaping, eyes wide.

"James!" You darted across the room to meet Bucky half way, his strong arms catching and lifting you up with ease as your legs wrapped tightly around his waist. "moy soldat. YA zdes', moy malysh" [my soldier. I'm here my babyboy]

"It's really you" He whispered against your hair, breathing in your soft scent, eyes squeezed shut with tears streaming down his face, "My baby" He cradled you tightly, refusing to set you down while you buried your face into the crook of his neck, drowning out the rest of the world. After you were torn apart from him, you had been locked up in an isolated cell, only let out for select missions Dreykov send you on. You wanted to find your soldier, your James, but you never did with Hydra keeping him under their control.

Now you finally had him again.

"Ahem, as I was saying- This is y/n" Tony addressed the rest of the team, just as surprised as the rest of them with all eyes on Bucky especially. "She'll be joining us once Barnes puts her down"

"Never" Bucky finally pulled away, still holding onto you, his nose nudging against yours, "M'never putting her down, never, you hear me babygirl?" He pressed his lips onto yours, shamelessly kissing you hard, ignoring the whistles that filled the room, only pulling away for air. You let out a shy giggle as he set you back on your feet, his hand wrapped around your waist.

"I'd continue to introduce her but I think tinman knows her better" Tony snorted, throwing his hands up before taking a seat, all eyes now watching two of you while Bucky blushed, unable to wipe the smile of his face, cupping your face to press another kiss to your lips.

"This is y/n" Bucky finally let you go, taking you to the front of the conference room, now proudly showing you off to the other, "She was a widow with Hyrda, handpicked by Dreykov" Bucky sucked in a breath before continuing, giving your hand a squeeze "I trained her in the red room myself when I was still the winter soldier. That's when I fell in love with her" The last part was a whisper, not missed by the team with how lovesick Bucky looked.

"I'm sorry, you trained her? Jesus, no wonder she's deadly" Sam shook his head, now understanding why your file was so impressive. You were already gifted when you were picked, coupled with the fact that you were trained and conditioned by the soldier himself.

"She's fuckin' deadly, alright" Bucky's voice was nearly breathless, his baby blues intently gazing into your eyes. "You should see her with a knife"

That's when I fell in love with you.

"So what happened with you two" Nat prodded, looking at you two with heart eyes which was a rare sight but her heart melted at how soft Bucky was, struggling to keep his hands to himself. He constantly nuzzled into your neck, his large form practically swallowing you whole as he clung onto you like a child.

"They found out we were together so they took me from him" You gave her a sad smile, feeling Bucky hug you tighter; you could have sworn you heard him whimper. "I tried to find him for years but I couldn't"

"Hydra tried to wipe my memories but it never worked. Couldn't forget her" Bucky kissed the top of your head, not realizing his bestfriend was trying to subtly wipe his eyes.

"I was going to have everyone introduce themselves but I think these two have some catching up to do so let's move this meeting over" Tony clapped his hands while everyone else nodded in agreement, leaving you and Bucky alone for some privacy.

"I missed you so much, you have no idea, I-I tried to find you but I just- I could barely function, I'm sorry doll-" Your lips cut off Bucky's rambling, cupping his scruffy face firmly in your hands.

"You have nothing to be sorry about baby, it's not your fault"

"I-I know you just got here and-sweets I don't want to rush anything but-" Bucky's hand gripped your waist while he tried to compose himself, he didn't want to pressure you into anything. "I need you closer baby"

"Take me, soldat" You whispered, not giving him any room to second guess as he hauled you up in his arms, taking you straight to his room. Clothes were off in an instant between frantic and desperate kisses. Bucky didn't rush a thing as soon as he had you naked in his bed, pulling the sheets over you both, rolling over to cuddle instead.

"This is all I wanted" He whispered against your shoulder, kissing your skin, "To have my girl with me again"

"I love you Jamie" You kissed his bare chest, hitching your leg over his waist, his hard length pressing against your soaked cunt. He could feel his tip weeping feeling your soft body pressed against his, still looking just as beautiful, if not more now, from when he'd first met you.

"Prettiest widow" He growled, his wandering hands becoming less wholesome as they moved to your hips, pulling you to press against his erection harder. You moaned feeling him starting to hump your pussy while innocently kisses down your neck, smirking at how he was both sweet and sinful at the same time, just as before. "kotenok, ty mne nuzhen" [Kitten, I need you]

You remembered all the times he'd snuck into your cell for a few cuddles, which always ended up with his hand slammed over your mouth while he railed you with his cock.

"You feel how hard I am for you baby? Mmph, this is all for you, doll" He bit his lip, eyes locked with yours, rolling on top of you, slotting his wide body between your legs, still rutting his hips. "Can I make love to you baby, please" He sounded desperate, dropping his forehead to press against yours, hands coming to pin you against the bed.

"M'yours Jamie" You nodded, spreading your legs wider, not bothering with having prep you, needing him inside you more than anything else. You gasped feeling his thick cockhead rub through your folds before he breeched your hole, stretching you.

"Soldat!" You moaned, your back arching off the bed, the name rolling of your tongue as it had so many times before, your nails digging into his shoulders as he buried himself to the hilt.

"Take your soldat's cock, kotenok" Bucky growled, only giving you a second to adjust before he started to move with slow, deep strokes. "Lemme make love to my babygirl, ya tak sil'no tebya lyublyu" [I love you so much]

After Bucky had been rescued, he had no reason to speak Russian, letting the others think it'd been wiped away just like the words that controlled him. Around you, it rolled off his tongue with ease, your pussy dripping each time he whispered in your ear. Your eyes rolled back feeling him hit that spongy spot deep in your pussy, crying out with the powerful, deliberate snaps of his hips.

"M'I making you feel good baby?" He asked, kissing you sweetly, alternating between the sweetheart and heartbreaker he was, looking at you with soft puppy eyes while his cock grew harder watching your face twist with pleasure. His jaw was slack, thrusting with purpose, moving his hips to roll and let you feel every inch of him filling you up, "You look gorgeous with my cock in you angel, wish you could see how pretty you are, so beautiful like this"

"Oh god James! P-please-m'so close-dont-don-t stop" Your moans grew more salacious, unable to say much else, eyes shutting out of pleasure feeling his hand coming down to rub your swollen clit.

"I know baby, I know, you need me to rub this pretty button, Remember the first time I touched you there pretty girl? How badly you wanted to scream, how much you squirted all over me? Remember when we first made love? First time I tasted you? Remember how shy you were when I spread your legs open and nursed off that little button. How you turned into a slutty kitten, riding and humping my face after? Know your needy little clit loves it, m'gonna rub you till you're screaming"

"Buckyyy" You whined, your face feeling hot at the memory, remembering his growls from under you, turning around to find him jerking his cock faster while he licked and sucked your pussy, cum already painting his abs from cumming once, working to a second orgasm. He'd sealed his lips around your clit, stuffing his mask in your mouth to keep you from alerting the guards.

"Baby, c'mon open your eyes, look at me" Bucky nipped your jaw, his cold hand coming to grasp your cheeks, blue eyes staring into your soul as you opened your eyes, "Don't you dare close them baby, keep em' open when I'm fuckin' you, shit, m'gonna cum for you doll"

"B-Bucky!" You cried, struggling to hold off any longer, your juices soaked him as you started to clench and squeeze his cock, tears nearly streaming down your face.

"Scream all you want baby, don't have to hide those pretty moans ever again" He fucked you through your orgasm, his own balls getting tighter with each thrust, precum mixing with your arousal, dripping onto the sheets, "Thats-that-s it baby, m'gonna cum so hard for you, fill you up, you're mine doll, you're fuckin' MINE"

Bucky's hand flew to the headboard, pounding you into the mattress, moaning loudly, letting the wood splinter under his grip as he came, pumping you full of his seed.

"FUCK y/n" He gasped, collapsing on you, panting, burying his face into your breasts as he always did, turning into a needy baby as if he didn't rail your soul. You giggled, tracing your hand down his spine making his shiver, whining when you clenched around his sensitive, soft cock.

"My soldat" You whispered, carding your fingers through his hair, letting him latch onto your nipple, needily sucking for comfort. No matter how big, bad and scary he was, he always melted into a puddle for you, closing his eyes at the feeling of your sweet peaked nipple against his tongue.

"Never letting you go again" He whispered before falling asleep on your chest, arms wrapped tightly around you. "ty moya rodstvennaya dusha, malyshka" [you're my soul mate, babygirl]

"YA by proshel cherez vse eto snova tol'ko radi tebya, malysh" [I'd go through it all again just for you baby boy] you whispered, closing your eyes in the safety of his hold, meaning each of your words. You'd go through everything a thousand times over if it meant you'd have your Bucky back in your arms. Bucky sniffled, curling up with you, spending the rest of the day alternating between speaking sweet words and making you moan and cry over his cock until you couldn't move any longer. For the first time, he slept peacefully, not stirring once.

-

Ever since you'd come back, Bucky had turned into the biggest simp, alternating between acting like a menace and a complete lovesick puppy with no in between. It was worse when you were on the field, almost leading to Tony refusing to let you both go on missions at the same time.

"Oh god" Bucky groaned, seeing you step out in your sleek suit, the dark material clinging to your body, weapons strapped along your hips. You threw him a wink before running off to kick ass, his focus solely on you.

"Jesus Christ" He nearly moaned seeing you land a kick to an attacker before throwing you knife across the room, the blade landing perfectly between your targets eyebrows. "Baby, you're sexy"

"For fucks Sake Barnes, did you forget we can all hear you" Tony's exasperated voice crackled through, this not being the first time the soldier was distracted watching you fight. Sam and Steve snickered through the coms while Bucky shameless shrugged, still biting his lip, watching you move with ease.

"Have you seen my girl, Stark" Bucky sassed back, walking over bodies to grab you by your ass, squeezing it and smashing his lips against yours.

"Are you two fucking kissing?!" Tony sighed, hearing the sound of soft moans and smacking, "I'm putting you on a fucking leash, I'm getting you fixed Barnes"

"My naughty soldat" You giggled, pulling away, nipping your boyfriends pouty lip while he shook his head.

"Gonna be the death of me, pretty girl"

"You're both gonna be the death of all of us" Tony deadpanned, unable to understand how there was a man out there that was more horny and flirty than him. "I'm having Barnes neutered, for fucks sake I can see you drooling from over here"

-

Bucky was even worse watching you display your skills, his workout long forgotten while you sparred with Steve.

"Where the fuck did you learn that" Steve groaned while you giggled, holding your hand out to help him up while Bucky watched from the side with a cocky smirk.

"I taught her that" He threw you a wink, not so subtly adjusting his sweats.

"Of course you did" Steve huffed, surprised to find bruises on his body from where you'd hit him. "Jesus punk" He blushed heavily seeing his bestfriends raging hard on, scrambling away from the gym, knowing exactly what would come next.

The loud moans he heard moments later made him shake his head, happy he got out of there unlike the last time he saw the warning signs of a feral Bucky.

Aside from being more in love with you than ever, Bucky was also equally protective over you. He'd hug you with such care, always holding your head to his chest, his large arms covering you from the rest of the world, constantly fearing that even if he had you now, someone would come and take you away.

When he finally asked you to marry him, he paused several times, blinking through tears while down on one knee, your hand wiping his cheek, saying yes before he could even finish. The compound was transformed with flowers, candles with a small intimate wedding in the garden.

Steve and Sam stood by Bucky's side while Nat walked with you, your sweet soon to be husband biting back tears seeing his dream girl in her dress, the life he'd always imagine finally becoming a reality. When Tony pronounced you husband and wife, Bucky didn't stop kissing you till he nearly passed out, not a single dry eye surrounding you as he whisked you up in his arms.

-

Bucky felt a strong wave of emotion watching you flit around the kitchen, making his way over and wrapping his arms from behind, tucking his face into your neck. You blinked, feeling tears wet your skin, pulling away to find your husband sniffling.

"Baby, what's gotten into you" You cooed with concern, wiping away the tears that collected along his lashes, kissing his reddened nose. "Is everything okay?"

"Just-m'scared to lose you again" Bucky whispered, his hand coming to protectively wrap around your growing belly; you weren't showing much yet but he could still feel the little baby bump. "I can't loose you again angel, I can't go through that again"

"It won't happen Jamie" You wrapped your arms around his shoulders while he picked you up, setting you onto the counter before hiding against your neck again, hugging you tightly. "What's wrong baby, what's gotten you so scared"

"Can't believe I got you back. I got to marry my dream girl. We're starting a family, you're giving me a baby, I-it feels unreal. M'scared I'm gonna wake up and you'll-" He bit his lip, shuddering at the very thought, "You'll be gone"

"Baby boy look at me" You held his face again, making him look at you, "Would you ever let anyone take me from you again?"

Bucky looked horrifying, francially shaking his head, he'd burn the world to ashes before he let that happen.

"Never. Never angel, no one is taking you or our baby from me" He stated firmly while you hummed.

"See? I'll be just fine. I have my soldat" You whispered, melting against his chest. "No one can hurt me when I have my soldat"

Bucky finally relaxed, carrying you off to bed, his metal arm protecting your belly as he pulled the covers over you both. No one would ever take his little widow away again.

[j4ygyu]

🫐 - jake! maybe about reader having some hardships during her pregnancy but baby daddy jake would be ready to do anything for her comfort !!

rejecting his kisses | sjy

pairing: husband!jake x wife!reader

genre: fluff bro what else i write 😭😭

synopsis: reader is growing sensitive day by day to touches and snaps at jake, jake being a mature husband handles the situation well.

everything felt so much more overwhelming, jake kept a family dinner and everyone was over, his members and his family. 

“how are my babies doing?” jake said as he nuzzled his nose in your neck as you moved back in annoyance. 

oh he noticed it but shrugged it off, maybe it was just a silly reaction right?

the sound of everyone talking at the same time in their own conversation rings around in your ears making it hard for you to keep up with everything jake had his hands on you the whole day, hugging you from behind, talking to his friends and family with a hand on your bump, rubbing your nose agaisnt his, kissing your cheeks, lips and forehead. yeah sounds cute but not when you’re feeling everything a little too much. 

what is going on. 

it was so bad that you had to shut your room door so loud and settle on the bed, 

there you were, pregnant and finally on your thrid trimester with your annoying husband being extra touchy anywhere he could find you at.

rubbing your temples you sat on the bed, grabbed the water from the beside table and starting chugging it down. 

meanwhile, jake who already spotted your absensce in the living room came in “bub?” you heard his voice and your brain gave a reaction not again. 

he walks in as you don’t even dare to look at him in the eye, your eyes closed as you take deep breath. 

“did i do something” he leans over to your face while staring deep “no..” u say as he hums in question he sits beside you, wrapping his arm around your shoulder “are you oka-“ you cut him off,

“no- just no- please okay? please just get your hands off of me please jake. stay away from me i am not feeling all your touches just leave me the fuck alone.” you say raising your voice. 

the next thing you see is tears in jake’s eyes as he looks away from you trying to hold them in. 

“i am sorry.” 

a moment of complete silence goes by as you rest your head on the headboard.

you notice him avoiding your looks and turning to the other side, hesitant to ask you if you need anything again.

“did i do something wrong?” he asks out of curiosity “i won’t touch you if—“

“no i dont know.. i am sorry i dont feel like getting touched i dont know.. i don’t know why i am being like this i don’t know” as you’re saying he turns around and comes closer to you.

attentively listening as he brings a hand to tug your hair strand back.

“hey no no it’s fine, its completely fine yeah, this is super normal for pregnant women to feel..” he says as tears start spilling from your eyes because of how understanding he is. 

jake has always put your perspective before his, always understanding everything you did, always finding a reason for your actions and letting you express yourself, god you think what did you do to deserve him. 

“b-but jake” you say as he holds your face in his hands and squishes your cheeks trying to calm you down.

“at this stage you’ve grown more sensitive. to touches to words to noises to everything” he says bringing his hands back to himself, “isn’t it?” 

you nod in agreement as he adds “so don’t ever blame yourself about all this okay? i love you just how it is. nothing will ever change that” 

you look at him and take his hand and place it on your belly, he makes sure to keep it exactly where you kept and not rub it because of muscle memory 

he pauses and lets out a little laugh as he feels the baby kicking where his arm is placed “just try not to be as aggressive as you were okay?” you nod once again as he kisses your cheeks wiping your tears off his lips. 

“baby doesn’t like hearing mum and dad argue does it?” he says as he feels another kick to his palm as you both laugh out of surprise. 

it makes you giggle, mood swings are crazy.

[xveenusx]

Enough

Pairing(s): Rafe Cameron x fem!reader

Summary: Realizing that no matter what you do, no matter how much you love someone, you are still not enough.

Author’s note: I’ve had a severe case of writer’s block so please don’t hate my disappearance.

Rating: Pure brutal angst

Warnings: fucking painful

__________________________

I think I may have made a small miscalculation.

My eyes trailed over the mass of muscle currently spread out on my bed.

Rafe Cameron.

Kook King, heir to Ward's real estate empire, and asshole extrodinare was sleeping soundly in my bed. It was almost laughable if I wasn't so fucking terrified.

The sunlight danced across his tan skin, the sheets bunched up at his hips leaving little to imagination. My breath caught as my eyes followed the small happy trail causing memories of last night to assualt me.

Sitting on the chaise lounge chair, I curl up against the pillows humming softly to myself. Bringing the mug up to my lips, I bite back a smile at the utter relaxtaion on his face.

When Rafe told me to pack a bag, my stomach flipped with nerves. Being the maid of the infamous Cameron family wasn't exactly ideal in the eyes of his family let alone being a pogue. So we kept our relationship a secret at his request. He had too much to lose if his family reacted poorly.

People wouldn't understand. Ward wouldn't understand. That's what he always told me.

Yet, as much as I tried to understand his reasoning, a small part of me ached at the thought of it being much simpler: I just wasn't enough.

It was exahusting to say the least. Always having to hide and watch as other women with more social status and money than me throw themselves at him. It didn't help that Rafe had a tendency to flirt back causing the green monster known as jealousy to rear its ugly head in my face.

So I stuck with what I knew how to do: clean.

And just as I begin to fall off the deep end, straight over a cliff into overthinking, Rafe always manages to pull me back out. This time he did it by offering a small getaway.

The Cameron's weren't set to use their beach house for another month or so, leaving this entire property for Rafe and I to simply enjoy each other's company. Something we rarely get to do.

There was no need to pretend here.

A groan pulled me out of my thoughts directing my eyes to the bed. A cool salty breeze swept in from the open balcony doors, the sounds of waves crashing agaisnt the shore soothed me.

Rafe peered at me from under his arm with a frown marring his features.

"What's with that face?"

"I don't like waking up alone." He complained, staring at me expectantly.

Giddiness singes every nerve in my body as I set down my mug and scurry over to the bed. The moment my knees hit the bed, strong arms envelope me and tug me into a warm prison.

"Mmmmh." Rafe hums, burying his face into the nape of my neck while his hand slowly tugs my leg over his hip. A small giggle slips from my lips at his softness.

"Are you laughing at me?" His voice rumbled with sleep.

"Yes, you’re a very simple man to please."

"I didn't have you, and now I do. There, it's simple."

My heart melted at his words. For someone who struggled wiht expressing how he felt, Rafe always managed to knock me on my ass.

"What did you wanna do today?" I asked, trailing my fingertips along his face, placing every freckle, every spot to memory.

Blue crytsalized eyes follow me every move. "You. In every room in this house. Then outside."

Blushing at his words, I huffed in fake annoyance and playfully shoved his face away from me. "Rafe, I'm being serious."

"I'm being dead serious, baby." He nipped at my fingers before rolling over onto his back, dragging me directly on top.

I rest my chin on the tops of my hands that laid on his chest and stare at the beautiful man below me. Rafe's fingers thread themselves into my hair brushing it softly, alomst lulling me to sleep.

I wanted to capture this moment forever. The sound of the seagulls chirping, the smell of the salty breeze, the warmth of his body under mine, and the utter adortion that dances in his eyes as he looks at me. It was intimate and real. And for a moment, I allowed myself to dream about the possibility of this becoming a reality.

The abilty to hold his hand in public and kiss his body in private. Being able to go on dates and be on his arm for events and dinners. Hanging out with his friends and his family because I knew what they meant to him. Being able to wake up in his bed rather than sneaking out in the middle of the night. I wanted it all.

Our picture perfect bubble. And consider me naive, but I thought this moment would last forever. But the thing about bubbles is they always pop in the end.

"Guess what?" Rafe asked, his cerulean orbs intense and sincere.

A beaming smile stretched across my lips at the familiar phrase he always used. "What?"

"I love-"

"I love you." I beat him to it, making him let out a deep bellyed laugh. I was memoriezed, enamoured by every little thing he did. I wanted to hear it again and again.

Opening my mouth, "No take backs-"

A knock on the door interrupts me.

That's when our bubble pops.

"Rafe? Open up." Sarah Cameron's voice fillters in from the other side of the door.

My eyes dart to Rafe, only for his face to be painted with sheer panic. In seconds, I'm shoved off the side of the bed and fall onto the floor in a heap of sheets.

My mind took a moment to catch up with my body. But when it did, the flood of emotions that crashed into me were nothing short of excruciating. An immediate lump formed in my throat at his actions as I try to make quick excuses for him but nothing came to mind.

"Just stay down, please." The sound of his request has me closing my eyes, his words hitting me deep, knifelike in the size of the wounds that they left.

I nodded softly. I remain still on my side on the cold floor as I numbly stare at the wall.

"Sarah, what the fuck are you doing here? I had the beach house for the weekend." His words were low and sharp, nothing like how he spoke to me mere seconds ago.

"Chill out. My friends and I wanted to get away a little, plus I figured you were already here, so. "

"You brought those fucking pogues here?"

I hear her scoff. "Your friends are worse."

"Just make sure they don't steal anything. I know it's hard for them considering they wouldn't see this type of money in a life time." His words were cruel, twisting the knife deeper into my chest.

I couldn't help but wonder if there was a double meaning behind his words. I was a pogue, just like Sarah's friends, and it would take me years to afford even a fraction of what's in this beach house.

Was that how he saw me? Was this the reason why we couldn't be public?

"Have you seen her? She wasn't at the house when I left." Sarah's question drew me back to the present.

I held my breath as I waited for him to answer about my whereabouts. I couldn't take another hit.

"I know you have about two brain cells, but please tell me why you would think I know where the help is?"

All my breath left my body and I fought the urge to scream. A heavy weight sat on my chest as I blankly stared at the floor, my eyeballs burning in absolute mortification.

"God, you're such an asshole."

"I aim to please. Now leave me alone." With that, Rafe slammed the door shut but I refused to move a muscle.

Instead, I tried to focus on my breath. It was the only thing that would keep me from having a panic attack. I wanted to scream at the top of my lungs but it's like my body forgot how to breathe.

Tears finally began to fall silently as I gasped for breath, clutching the sheet closer to my chest. Humilation pricked my very being as his words play on repeat in my mind.

Rafe was the best part of my day. He made me want things I didn't even know I wanted. And yet, this was how he viewed me. So small and insiginifcant.

Footsteps move in my direction but I paid them no mind. Moving was impossible, so I just stayed in the spot where Rafe thought I belonged— on the cold hard floor.

"I know how it looks, just give me a chance to explain." I felt him kneel beside me, his hand reaching to cup my face. I jerked my face away from him and return my attention to the wall.

"Can you please get off the floor?"

"No."

"Why not?"

"This is where you wanted me, right?" The words left a stale taste in my mouth.

My heart pounded in my throat as a hot flush filled my cheeks.

"Look at me." He demanded.

I couldn't. It hurt too much.

"Baby, please. Look at me." He touched my chin and I felt my body shudder.

"Don't touch me." The words tore out of my chest as I wrenched myself away from him.

Rafe's eyes tracked my movement and his face became very still as if contemplating his next move.

The level of betrayal I felt must have been painted on my face, because his expression shifted to one of regret.

"I made a mistake-"

"Stop." I snapped, lifting my hand to cut him off. "Get out. I need to change and leave before Sarah see's me."

"I drove you, where are you going to go when you don't have a car?"

My eyes narrow at his tone. Once again he was painting me as this helpless girl that was nothing without him.

"I have two legs that work perfetly fine."

Rafe crossed his bulging arms against his toned chest. "You're not leaving until we talk."

A fake laugh past my lips. "We're done, there's nothing left to talk about."

He let out a growl of frustation. "We're not breaking up."

Was he delusional?

"This is me breaking up with you. We are done, Rafe."

Rafe's icey blue eyes narrowed into slits. "Stop trying to break up with me."

"You threw me off the bed!" I shouted, my hands pointing to the floor where I laid moments ago, the shame still fresh as an open wound.

"You threw me off the bed." I repeated softer, my voice breaking at the end. "The bed, Rafe. Just so Sarah didn't see you with me."

"I shouldn't have done that-"

"It happened. It's done. Just let me leave."

Protecting what little self respect I had left was my only goal. No matter how much I loved him, it wasn't worth this constant stream of self doubt and humiliation that seemed to follow us like a plague.

Rafe stared at me for a moment before he jumped into action. Heading towards my suitcase, I watch frozen as he goes through my clothes, picking an outfit for me.

Taking several strides to me, Rafe shoved the clothes into my arms, his breath heavy. "Put these on."

"Rafe, what the hell are you doing-"

"I made a mistake. One that I'm going to fix right now. So stop fighting with me and put these on."

Unease filled me chest as my eyes dart to the clothes.

"How?"

"No more hiding. You and me, okay?"

I stared into his hopeful gaze, looking for even a flash of insincerity or deceit, but only found sheer determination. "Rafe, you can get out of this. I'm giving you an out-"

He shakes his head roughly, strands of golden hair falling on his forehead. "I don't want an out, I want you. So put the clothes on so I can go tell the world I love you."

I snorted, "Seems a bit melodramatic. Let's start small, yeah?"

Pushing his hair back, a sexy smile pulled at his lips. "Small."

I made my decision. Turning around, I grabbed the clothes and began to dress.

I wiped my sweaty hands against my mini white sundress as nerves begin to prick every bit of my skin. Rafe stood in front of me, his glacial eyes soft, with his hand held out for mine. "Ready, baby?"

Hope inflated my lungs as I placed my trembling hand in his, the cool feel of his rings brining a familiar type of comfort.

Rafe leads us out of the room and towards the staircase where voices floated up from downstairs. I was nervous. Extremely nervous. He was going to do it. Rafe was going to introduce me as his girlfriend to his sister and her friends, no less.

The sound of our footsteps echoed against the giant house causing the voices to slowly die away.

Coming into view, Sarah and the pogues are all perched in the living room wearing beach attire. An open bottle of tequila and shot glasses are spread along the table.

All eyes zone in on us before they zoom in on our clased hands. Sarah's eyes widened and I fought the urge to pull my hand from Rafe's grasp. As if sensing my thoughts, Rafe squeezed my hand reassuringly and moved me slightly in front of him.

He cleard his throat. "I uh-"

His eyes shot to mine. I let my fingers brush against his arm in encouragement, a proud smile gracing my lips.

This was the first step in the right direction. Once we told Sarah, it would be easier with each passing person.

Butterflies swarmed my stomach like a zoo. I knew how hard this was for him, but he was still doing this for me, for us. Rafe was finally making us a priority. The unattainble future now felt like it was within my reach.

"Sarah, there's something I want to tell you. I've um-well I've been seeing-"

The front door slammed.

"Looks like we're missing all the fun." Ward Cameron walked in, hand in hand with Rose. A loose linen shirt with thin pants dress his body with a hat and an expensive pair of sungalsses cover his face.

I felt Rafe's grip slowly loosen on my hand. Panic clawed at my throat as I turn my head to look at him. Rafe stared directly ahead with his jaw clenched. He refused to even look at me.

In a last ditch effort to cling onto the invisible string that held us together, I tightened my grip on his hand but Rafe jerked his hand away.

I felt the pressure in my chest finally pop and the string that once tethered us together finally tear. Dread sat in my stomach like lead and bile traveled up my throat.

He made his decision and once again, it wasn't me.

Heat rushed up my neck as I left my arms hang limply at my side. I didn't know what to do, I couldn't think. My shoulders slumped as I bit down on my tongue hard enought to draw blood.

It kept me from screaming.

"Rafe, thank god you brought the help. Though it looks like she hasn't been doing much cleaning." Rose tsked as she looked at the littered table in distaste. "Honey, be a dear and make us new drinks. Then when you have a minute, our bags are out front. Go ahead and put them in our room."

With a wave of a hand she dismissed me, as her and Ward walk passed me with no other acknowlegment.

My mouth went dry as I clenched my shaky shands together. I could feel Sarah's gaze drilling into the side of my head, but I couldn't look at her. Instead, I once again looked at the bane of my existance. The source of this crippling pain the crushes every inch of my soul.

"Rafe..." My voice trembled as I begged him, pleaded, for him to look at me. Just once.

I wanted him to see my face. He refused, the only hint of his turmoil was the bob of his adam's apple.

Swallowing my pride, I put my head down and do what I do best: clean.

____________________

I wanted the ground to open up and swallow me alive. I spent the rest of the day doing every little thing Rose asked. I kept my head down and said not one word.

Rafe made my place in his life very clear so I was going to be exactly what he wanted me to be. The perfect little maid.

The entire Cameron family sat at the table for dinner, John B included, as I gently set each of their plates down in front of them. I held my breath once I reached Rafe, knowing that one hint of his expensive musky cologne would send me into a fit of tears.

"Thank you." The timber of his voice caused me to close my eyes briefly in pain.

A familiar touch to my wrist made me jerk away and clear my throat. I continue serving dinner, forcing myself to ignore the gravity that's pulling me towards him.

"That'll be all, you can go relax for a bit. We'll need you back to clean up, of course."

"Of course." My smile was brittle. I allowed myself only a glance. Rafe glared down at his plate, hands clenched into fists at his side.

My feet moved on their own accord and soon I found myself outside, standing beside the pool that overlooked the shore. Taking in gulps of air, I placed my head in my hands.

Starting over was never something I planned. Once I met Rafe, everything else shifted into perspective. All I ever thought about was moving forward with him and starting a life together. One that he would be proud of. One where I didn't have to hide.

"I'm sorry." The words came from behind me and burned a whole straight through my chest.

I choked back on my tears that threatened to drown me and stare down at the rag in my hands.

"Baby." He moved closer now, his heat pressing into my side.

A small shake of my head was all I could muster. The armour I placed around my delicate heart was getting weaker with each passing second.

"I said, I'm sorry." His hand reaches for my waist, turning me to face my destruction.

A light blue linen shirt paired with white six inch seamed shorts don his body. A large gold watch decorated his wrist to match the shiny gold necklace that rested on his chest.

Looking down at myself, a simple tee and leggings, the contrast was so striking it was laughable. In what world had I fooled myself into thinking Rafe Cameron was mine.

Deciding to proctect my sanity, I moved back towards the house with every intention of cleaning up before grabbing my bag and leaving when Rafe blocked my escape.

"Did you hear me? I'm so fucking sorry, for all of it."

"I heard you." Indifference lacing every word.

Rafe gowled, running his hands through his hair in frustation at my lack of emotion. "Stop acting like you don't care and just talk to me."

"I don't care what your family thinks of me and I don't care what you think of me. I dont care anymore, Rafe."

Rafe gripped my chin and his irate gaze burned me. "Tell me what to do to fix it."

There was nothing left of me for him to fix.

The sound of Ward calling out my name is enough to distract Rafe. Pulling my face from his grasp, I promplty turned around and headed towards the house.

"Stop fucking walking." He barked out harshly.

Ignoring his words, I continue to head in the direction of the house. Only a few more hours and I can leave with my head held high despite the gaping hole in my chest.

"I swear to God, stop walking." I could hear his footsteps behind me causing a rush of adrenaline to spread like wildfire through my veins.

"Last time I checked, you work for my family. My last name is fucking Cameron so if I tell you to stop walking, you stop fucking walking." The words are cruel and dark and they have their desired effect because I stop immediately in my tracks.

My eyes began to burn as I pivoted on my heel and slwoly turned to face him. His gaze hardened and I can see him contemplating something before a vicious smirk decorates the face I love.

A glass tumblr was in his hand and I watched in absolute shock as he tilted the cup, spilling the dark liquid onto the floor. The rag in my hand suddenly weighed eight tons as I realized his intent.

"Clean it up."

My blood turned ice cold and a sound a disbelief left my lips.

"I said, Clean. It. Up." He gestured to the floor.

I searched his eyes for anything, for everything, but there's nothing there. Looking back down at the mess, I nodded my head and slowly dropped to my knees.

Tears blurred my vision as I scrubbed the floor clean, wanting nothing more than to disappear. Our fate was finally sealed in that moment.

Leaning back on the heels of my feet, I swallowed. Tears clung to my lashes but the damage was already done. The trails the tears left in their wake burned into my skin as a reminder of his cruelty.

His cold mask finally cracked at the sight of my tears. Rafe took a step in my direction but something in my face made him halt.

“Is there anything else I can do for you, Mr. Cameron?” I averted my eyes from his.

A harsh noise escaped his lips then he reached out and grabbed my shoulders. I closed my eyes at the heat of his touch and my lips began to quiver.

“I just wanted you to talk to me….” Rafe spoke softly, his words pained.

I wiped my tears harshly and forced myself to look at him for the last time. His hard glacial eyes study my face.

The memory from this morning continued to fade out of my reach. Pain filled me as I realized that was the last time we would ever be together.

“Am I free to go, Mr. Cameron?”

His face crumbled. For a second, one second, a twisted sense of happiness hit me at the sight of his pain. Rafe did this to us. Not his family, not his friends, but him.

Rafe’s face became very still. He nodded slightly and relief filled me. I stared into his eyes, hoping he could see all the love I had been so willing to shower him with, but it was now too late.

Giving him my back, I allowed the dirty rag in my hand drop. 20 more steps. That’s all that stood between me and the next chapter of my story. One that didn’t include him.

Each step seemed to get heavier the farther I walked away from Rafe. I was wrapped around a haze of heartbreak that almost made my movements mechanical.

I entered the house, numb to the bone, and gathered all my things. Everything around me was out of focus as I dragged my suitcase towards the front door.

I could see Rose from the corner of my eye, her mouth moving, but the ringing in my ears only seemed to get louder. Pushing past her, I headed straight for the door and forced myself not to look back.

Everything was different now. In a way, so was I.

One foot in front of the other, I walked down the drive way. The ringing in my ears and the adrenaline that pumped through my veins was suddenly dulled at the sound of the door slamming open behind me.

Loud footsteps echoed behind me before my arms are grabbed and I’m forced to turn around.

Rafe’s eyes were wild with panic as he panted in front of me. His entire appearance was disheveled with his hair sticking out in all directions.

“Don’t go.”

I was so close to being out of his grasp and being free of this agony that gripped me so tightly it made it hard to breathe.

“You were never mine. Were you?” The question slipped past my lips before I knew it.

“I love you. I do, please just come back inside and I’ll do what you want. I’ll tell Ward and Rose right now.” His blue eyes held so much hope, but it wasn’t enough. The magic was all gone, replaced with this cruel torment.

“I was yours, in every way possible. But, it didn’t matter what I did. I still wasn’t enough for you. I’m never going to be good enough, am I?” My voice cracked, but the words were out along with the realization of how painfully accurate they were.

Warm hands cradled my face pulling me towards his. Rafe rested his forehead on mine, his eyes boring into mine. I could feel the slight tremble in his hands.

“That’s not true. You know that’s not true.”

“How could I possibly know that? You never do anything that says otherwise.”

“I love a man who can’t even hold my hand in public.” He couldn’t hold me gaze, instead he turned it to the floor with his jaw clenched.

“You knew who I was when we started this. You knew what came with being with a Cameron. Our situation is much more complicated than you’re making it fucking seem. So I didn’t hold your hand, now you’re going to leave me?”

His logic was horribly flawed.

“Our situation is not complicated. All you had to do was love me the way I loved you.”

“Whether you like it or not, you’re a fucking maid,” Rafe said through gritted teeth,” The maid to my family, no less, and you expect to be welcomed in with open arms? This isn’t a fairytale, wake up.”

”Then what was the point of all of this? Of me loving you and you loving me, if it was never going to go anywhere.”

“The point was that we were together and we were happy.” Rafe let out a frustrated noise and shook his head. But it was clear, he wasn’t getting it. I knew nothing I’d say would ever get through to him.

“Were we? Together, I mean. Because I was always at your beck and call. Literally and figuratively. Where were you for my college graduation? Where were you when my dad died? I’ll tell you where you were,” I pressed my finger into his chest, “You. Weren’t. There. Instead, you chose to love me from afar because you care more about the opinion of sheep than you do me.”

I couldn’t stop talking. It was as though a wall cracked and suddenly every emotion I held in was flooding through.

“Look at me.” I shouted, grabbing his chin and forcing him to stare. “I want you to look me in the fucking eye. Look at the damage you caused. You did this to us. ”

“Stop being cruel.”

“Cruel? You threw your drink on the floor and made me clean it up. Did seeing me on my knees make you feel big and strong?”

He tilted his head, his expression darkening. “Enough. Come back inside, now.”

“I wanted everything for you.” I laughed at how incredibly stupid and blind I had been. “And you can’t even hold my fucking hand.”

Race’s eyes softened marginally. “Tell me what to do. How can I fix this?”

My stomach tightened. Steeling myself, I swallowed the lump in my throat and pushed out the next words. “You can’t.”

“I can, but you’re not give me a fucking chance here.” His words came out as a plea.

“Being with you was a choice I made every day. One that you clearly couldn’t make, so I’m making it for you. We’re done.

His jaw ticked. ”Try and fucking leave me.”

I wanted nothing more than to run back into his arms and comfort him, despite it all. But I knew, if I was going to survive this at all, I couldn’t be with him.

“I’m always running behind you, trying to keep up. Trying to be everything you want and everything you need, but I’m all out of breath. I have nothing left to give you. But it’s still more than you ever gave me.” With those being my parting words, I clutched onto the handle of my suitcase in a death grip and force myself to walk away from him.

My shoulders jump at the sound of something shattering behind me.

“I love you.” Rafe screamed at the top of his lungs from behind me. His voice was brutal and laced with pain.

Not enough.

_________________

Side note: pls let me know what you think! I’ve been gone for several months so I’m a bit rusty:) I am working on the second part of Hate as promised!

[megalony]

My Little Man

This is an Eddie Diaz imagine, based on a lovely anon request which I thought was very sweet. I hope you all like it, feedback always makes my day.

Taglist: @lunaticspoem@sj-thefanthefan@hellsdragon@im-an-adult-ish@crazylittlethingg@allauraleigh@onceuponadetectivedemigod@ceres27@avyannadawn@sleepylunarwolf@coverupps@justagirlthatlovedtoread @musicistheway @avada-kedavra-bitch-187 @luula @missdreamofendless @bradleybeachbabe @woderfulkawaii  @amberpanda99 @daggersquadphantom @marvel-and-chicago-fan @angryknightstatesmantrash @minjix @lyjen @kmc1989 @itsmytimetoodream @noonenuts @hiireadstuff @ashie-babie @classyunknownlover @jayyeahthatsme @sp1ritssz @dumb-fawkin-bitch @oliverstarksbae @gimatida @heart-35 @supernaturalstilinski @stefansalvatoresgf

Eddie Diaz Masterlist

Summary: Chris finds a memento that brings back a lot of memories for (Y/n) and Eddie from when he was born.

Enjoy.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"What have you got there, baby?" (Y/n) looked over her shoulder and smiled when Chris toddled into her and Eddie's room.

He had a familiar smile on his face as he made a beeline for the bed and flopped down on (Y/n)'s vacant side of the bed on his stomach. His legs kicked happily against the duvet and he started tapping whatever he had in his hands that he had brought through to show them.

Finishing typing up her hair, (Y/n) looked away from the mirror and walked across to the bed. She slowly crawled over the end of the bed and worked her way up towards Eddie. He was laid on his left side, one arm propping his head up against the pillow and his right arm moved out to let (Y/n) worm her way against him.

She sat down and crossed her legs beneath her as she leaned her back into Eddie's torso, feeling his arm curve around her waist so his hand could splay out on her front. He leaned across to press a chaste kiss to her arm and diverted his attention from the tv over to Chris to see what he was up to.

It would be his bath time soon and then they would watch a movie before bed, but Chris had been doing some crafts and colouring in the dining room for the last half an hour. Clearly he had found something of interest that he wanted to show them.

(Y/n) leaned further back into Eddie and reached her hand down to hold his wrist when she realised what the small red book was that Chris had found.

"My book."

"Your book- oh, your record book… God I haven't seen that in a while." Eddie skimmed his fingers across the leather cover and found himself smiling.

It was the health record book they got when Chris was born. It contained all his information from when he was born up until he was three years old. Of course, all of Chris's records were on file at the hospital and had been transferred here when they moved up from Texas. But this was the book they had to take with them to each appointment when Chris was little, showing his progress and achievements and any changes.

When Chris opened the first page of the book, he skimmed his finger across his name and started to laugh. It always tickled him to see his middle name. Edmundo. He thought it was so funny to know Eddie's full name and know that it was his middle name, after his dad.

A smile danced across (Y/n)'s lips as she held Eddie's hand tighter and nuzzled her face against his shoulder to try and get a better look at the book. Chris must have been snooping through the box in the dining room where (Y/n) kept all their scrapbooks over the years. When she didn't need the baby book anymore, she kept it safe with all their family pictures and albums.

Chris dragged his finger over the chart on the left page which showed milestones and his age progression. He didn't quite understand the chart but he traced it anyway before looking onto the next page.

"What's that mean?" He slid the book to the left so it was level with Eddie's arm, allowing both parents to look over the next page.

"That's how big you were when you were born. Four pounds, see." It made Eddie's chest tighten to think that Chris was that small when he was born. It brought back memories that plagued Eddie in the dead of night. And it hurt knowing his son was that small when he was born, knowing he would of barely fit in Eddie's hands when he was a newborn.

Chris flicked across a few pages to the developmental pages but he didn't understand what they meant. There were doctors notes, saying his speech was delayed, he could hold himself up but couldn't walk yet. But he was engaged in conversation and seemed to understand everything around him.

"What about that?" He tapped his finger against the two words that stuck out to him which appeared on the page before and the next few pages in the book.

Correct age.

"That means your development age… you were doing good for your proper age." Eddie ran his hand across his chin and scratched up the side of his jaw. He couldn't think how to word it in a way that Chris would understand.

"Proper?"

"Your birthday's in November, yeah?" (Y/n) waited until Chris nodded, suddenly alert at the mention of his birthday. "Well, you should have been born in February, baby. So every February, that's when you hit your correct age… it's just something the doctor uses to make sure you progress properly, that's all."

It always irritated (Y/n) that Chris was three months ahead of where he should be. When he had his first birthday, it was clear he technically looked like a nine-month old and then he didn't look two, or three. He never looked his age because he had been born far too early.

And in terms of progression, the doctors used his due date to give his correct age. So it didn't matter if Chris didn't hit his milestones on or around his birthday, they used his correct age to guess where he was at and track how he was getting along. His speech was behind but he had done so well in getting back on track. His walking was different and couldn't be judged because of his Cerebral Palsy.

But things like sitting up and following conversations and interacting and playing and socialising, they could all be tracked. And Chris hit every milestone in those areas as he should have near his correct age.

"I was small?"

"You were tiny,"

Chris made a small whine like he was disagreeing and before Eddie could move, Chris leaned over him. Eddie gruffed and rolled onto his back so it was easier for Chris to lay on his chest and reach across for his chest of drawers beside the bed.

His nimble fingers moved into the top drawer and he scoured around until he found the silver photo frame he knew was tucked away in there.

"I wasn't tiny, see." Chris put the photo frame down on the bed next to the book and pointed.

(Y/n) felt the way Eddie tensed behind her and he leaned back up and smothered his lips against her bare arm. She felt his hand tighten over her stomach and his arm tensed and bulged at her side when he looked down at the picture.

It was the first time Eddie held Chris.

The photo stayed on Eddie's bedside table since the moment it was taken and now Chris was a bit older, Eddie swapped the picture for an updated photo. But he kept this first memory in his drawer, close by for whenever he felt the urge to look at it.

Eddie was still in his uniform in the photo, he had raced down to the hospital from the moment his feet hit solid ground back in Texas. It hurt Eddie more than anyone could ever comprehend to not have been there when Chris was born.

They had it planned out, he would finish his tour in the army two weeks before Chris's due date and be home in time to be there with his wife when she gave birth. Eddie hadn't expected to be told while he was out in the army that his wife had already given birth prematurely, without him there beside her.

He had to deal with pictures and video calls of his son, seeing him progress over a dodgy internet connection for the first three months of his life. Eddie never got to hold his son when he weighed four pounds. By the time he came home, Chris had bulked up to seven pounds and was finally able to leave the hospital and go home.

Eddie had lost even more sleep in the army, fretting that he wouldn't be there if something happened to his baby and he lost his son. He couldn't stand the thought of losing Chris without ever seeing or holding him first.

"No, bud… I wasn't here when you were born. I was away in the army." Eddie perched his chin on (Y/n)'s shoulder and managed a smile when she brushed her hand across his cheek to wipe away a tear.

"You were being brave."

"No, not as brave as you and mum."

***

"There's my girl- you're gonna have to speak up mi amor, it's fucking loud over here."

Eddie held the Ipad in both hands and grinned when the screen finally lit up and he was faced with a blurred pixelated image of his wife. Three months out here was starting to feel like three years with how long Eddie had been separated from her.

He knew it would be hard when he signed up. Being away from his family wasn't as much of a burden as being kept away from his wife. Letters were good, they were a physical keepsake he could hold close to his heart when he thought of (Y/n). Pictures were even better, they reminded him that he was never going to forget what she looked like and that he would be home soon to hold her in his arms.

Talking to her like this was the best out of everything. Seeing her on the screen and hearing her voice kept Eddie going and gave him something he could think back on and listen to in the dead of night.

He hadn't been excited to leave for the army while (Y/n) was pregnant, though. He was missing everything. The appointments, the sonograms, the pictures. And worst of all, he was missing out on watching the way (Y/n)'s body was growing and changing while he wasn't there. But he would be home soon. Just less than three months and Eddie would be home to hold his wife in his arms and see how much she had changed and hold her stomach before she gave birth.

"How are you, mi amor?" Eddie tangled a hand in his hair and ruffled it further back and away from his eyes. He didn't want anything to obscure the vision he now had in front of him.

He was glad the tent was empty. There was nothing Eddie hated more than having to talk to (Y/n) with people watching and listening. He couldn't ask her to stand up and strip for him or let him see how much her stomach had changed if he had others in the room.

Panic struck Eddie in the heart and wiped the smile from his face when the image on his screen cleared and started to move.

Within seconds, the signal improved enough for Eddie to see his wife. Tears stained her face, her eyes were red and puffy and her hair was falling out of a loose bun at the back of her head. Her body looked to be trembling and Eddie could see her chest quaking as she struggled to take proper breaths.

"Baby what's the matter?" Eddie squinted at the screen before another realisation hit him like a truck and sent his heart reeling in his chest. "Where are you?"

"The hospital," (Y/n) finally dragged her eyes up from her hands to stare at the screen and the moment she saw Eddie, a floodwave of tears drenched her face and a horrible sob bubbled past her lips.

For the last two days she had been crying and screaming his name like it was the only thing she could understand. To finally have him on screen in front of her, able to talk to her was too much to handle. She just wanted him home, and there was no way to get that wish and have her husband's arms wrapped around her or his voice in her ear or his lips on her burning skin.

She couldn't have any of it.

"Why, what's happened?" Eddie had spoken to her only a few days ago and she had been fine. A little under the weather, but nothing to warrant going to the hospital. They had moved location and now they were set up here, Eddie had been able to schedule another video call today. "Is it the baby?"

He didn't want to ask. He didn't want to ask that question in case the answer was yes and he wasn't mentally prepared for the outcome.

"I… oh Eddie… I've had the baby." (Y/n) swiped her sleeve along her eyes and beneath her nose, but it didn't help the sob she let out.

She hated the way Eddie paled like all the colour was being drained from him and he started to shake his head in denial.

She couldn't have.

How could she of had their baby now- already? She was twenty-eight weeks pregnant. Not thirty-eight or forty. She was six months along, nowhere near ready to give birth or be at risk of labour. Eddie had told her he would be home before she went into labour. He promised to be there to hold her hand and coax her through it and hold their baby when they were born.

"You, no. No- how? What happened?!"

"My water broke w-when I was with your mum… they tried to stop it, but… but, I had him last night."

(Y/n) didn't have all the answers Eddie wanted. She didn't know why it happened or exactly how it happened. One moment she was feeling sick while at his parent's house, then the next, her stomach clenched and she realised she was sat in a pool of water.

She was given medication and put on observation to see if labour would stop, but it only held off for one day. She went back into labour yesterday afternoon and by eight o'clock in the evening, she had a baby boy snatched from her arms and taken away from her. And all (Y/n) could do was scream out for Eddie throughout it all until she passed out.

It would have been some sort of comfort to have Eddie on the laptop like this, just to have him aware and somewhat present was all (Y/n) wanted. But she couldn't have him in any sense of the word.

"Him? It's a boy?" Tears pooled in Eddie's eyes and began to fall down his face as he held the Ipad closer as if it would help him inspect his wife. "Is… is he okay?"

A quiet noise vibrated at the back of Eddie's throat when (Y/n) moved the laptop further back so she wasn't as close to the screen. She could see Eddie's eyes zoom in on her stomach and his lips curled down at the corners like he was going to howl when he saw the change in shape. She still has something of a bump, but it was different now. And with (Y/n)'s arms wrapped around her waist, it cemented the fact that Eddie had missed it.

He missed the birth of his son. He missed being there for his wife when she was in agony and needed comfort and reassurance. Eddie missed everything.

"We have a boy. He's in the neonatal ward… but I can't hold him. H-he's only four pounds." She could see the relief in Eddie's eyes and it made her cry harder.

He dreaded the thought that their baby didn't make it.

"Oh God. Mi amor, I'm so sorry… I- fuck I can't even come home and hold you. I'll try and video every day I swear. Will they let you stay with him? Is someone there with you, has ma stayed with you?" The thought of (Y/n) being there on her own sent Eddie reeling.

If she was alone he would go mad. He would message both his sisters and his mum and demand someone go down and stay with his wife. He wouldn't have her being on her own for a minute when she's just had the most stressful event of her life.

"Your mum's sitting with him, she won't leave me." (Y/n) was relieved to have Eddie's family right around the corner. She was grateful to have been with his parents when this happened and for his mum never leaving her side.

She took (Y/n)'s hand, she let her scream and cry and say Eddie's name until she was blue in the face. She had done everything she could, and now she was watching over her grandson while (Y/n) had a moment alone to explain everything to Eddie.

"Good."

"Eddie, t-they couldn't find a vein, God his skin… skin is like paper. The canula is, is in his head."

(Y/n) watched the way Eddie grimaced and almost gagged at the thought.

Their boy was so small that they couldn't find a vein anywhere to give him his fluids and medication. His skin was as thin and fragile as paper and they couldn't put the canula in his hand, his arm, his leg or even his foot. They had managed to find a vein on the top of his head that was prominent enough to push the needle into and it made (Y/n) want to scream.

She had never seen one in a newborn's head before.

"Ooh, baby." Eddie pinched the bridge of his nose but it didn't stop the tears from falling. "I'll be home with you soon, you'll see. I swear, I'm never leaving either of you again."

***

Eddie tipped his head forward and let the water trickle through his hair and hit the back of his neck. He could feel his skin shivering and prickling at the lukewarm water draining down over his back and pooling around his feet.

He leaned his head down a little further until his lips were smothering the top of Chris's head.

He had his son curled up against his chest, his small head resting just below Eddie's neck against his collar bone. He had one arm across Chris's legs and the other curled around the back of his neck with his fingers spread across Chris's back to keep his son steady and stable on his chest.

Droplets splashed up against Eddie's shoulder and the bottom of his chin when Chris began bashing his fist down against Eddie's chest and making little gurgling sounds.

"Is that better?" He murmured quietly against the top of Chris's head while he began swaying from left to right. Moving the stream of water over each shoulder while he kept his head leant forward so the water didn't pelt down on Chris too much and overpower him.

It was strange to think that Chris was three months old when he was the exact look, size and weight of a baby that could have been born yesterday.

Eddie didn't like it.

He didn't like looking down at his son and knowing that he had missed the first three months of his life. Eddie didn't like the thought of people coming up to him, asking how old his son was and having to explain he was already three months old. It wasn't right. Chris shouldn't have been born so soon.

He shouldn't still be struggling to breathe and coughing into Eddie's neck like this after recovering from an infection. He was too small and fragile for any of this.

"Come on then little man, back to bed." Eddie turned off the shower and shook the water free from his hair before he stepped out the shower.

He hadn't planned on getting a wash this late into the night, but when he went to settle Chris and found him coughing, Eddie figured it might help. The warm water and condensed steam might help settle Chris and make him breathe easier and it seemed to have worked.

It had tired Eddie out too and he felt like he might be able to get a proper night's sleep now.

Eddie had been home three days before the hospital said Chris could come home. Part of him was pleased he was home before Chris was discharged from the hospital, it meant the first night having him home, Eddie was here. He could help (Y/n) waking up in the night with Chris and seeing him in his cot and giving him his bottles.

But he knew it had been a struggle for (Y/n), she had been living down at the hospital while Eddie had been praying for time to speed up so his tour could end and he could go home.

"Let's find mummy."

He began to hum quietly as he tilted Chris down so he could wrap a towel around him and settle him in the crook of his left arm. He kept his arm moving up and down to rock Chris while he quickly dried his hair and ran the towel briefly over his frame. It took some effort to wiggle his way into his boxers with one hand and drag them up over his hips, but he managed it.

A soft smile pulled at Eddie's lips when he headed into his and (Y/n)'s room and his eyes found his wife. She was asleep. Just where Eddie had left her when he went to settle Chris and subsequently get a shower with him.

He eased Chris down on the bed and moved to find a nappy and onesie. His tongue poked between his teeth as he carefully wiggled Chris's legs and arms into the onesie and buttoned it up the middle. Eddie wasn't the best at getting him dressed, but he was certainly starting to get better.

He was happy to be doing this now, with Chris grown to be the normal, perfect size for a newborn. Eddie wouldn't want to of been a nurse changing the tinny, obscure size nappies when Chris had been born. He had seen Chris plenty of times over zoom calls with (Y/n) and the photos she had taken for him. It was strange to think such a small, fragile, wrinkled infant was the boy who was now in his arms.

"Okay, there we go." Eddie loved the tired yawn Chris made and the way it crinkled his button nose.

When he carefully picked Chris up, Eddie held him close and looked over to (Y/n)'s side of the bed.

Suddenly, he didn't want to put Chris down in the cot near (Y/n).

He wasn't sure why, but he didn't want to. Eddie shook his head and carefully sat down in bed. He shuffled the pillow higher behind him and reclined down until he was slanted at an angle and drew the cover over his lower half.

He eased Chris up and snuggled him onto his chest, watching the way Chris coiled his arms up to his chest and his knees pulled up near his tummy as he laid on his front on Eddie's chest. The weight was comforting. The slight compression down on his ribs and the strain it put on his lungs to try and take deeper breaths. It made Eddie's mind settle and did something to relax him.

He wound his arms over his chest, resting one hand on the back of Chris's head and the other hand on his lower back, snuggling close. He kissed the top of his head before he leaned back into his pillow and started to glide his thumb up and down the back of Chris's head.

Eddie couldn't find the will to turn the lamp off or close his eyes yet, so he focused on trailing his thumb up and down the back of Chris's head and watching his boy take big, snuffly breaths.

Something shuddered down Eddie's spine and made his chest quiver when he glided his thumb across the left side of Chris's temple.

His scar.

By the time Eddie came home, the canula had been removed from Chris's head, much to (Y/n)'s relief. But Eddie had seen it on video calls and in pictures. It had been a horrid sight. A needle right into his skin, kept in place with tape and pinned to the side of his temple so he couldn't scratch it or pull it out.

"I'm here now. I've got you."

Eddie groggily opened his eyes when he felt something tickle across his chin and glide up the side of his jaw. His eyes couldn't focus for a second or two when they opened, but when his vision focused, his sights set on (Y/n).

Her lips pressed against his bare shoulder and her fingers dragged along his jaw before she laid her arm over his collar bone. He could feel her shuffling up and gluing her front against his left side.

(Y/n) winced when Eddie lifted his upper chest and shoulders up from the bed and his spine made a loud crack as it slotted back into place.

"How long have you held him?" Her voice was quiet against his shoulder and her hand reached to cup the side of his neck.

She could see Chris settled comfortably in the middle of Eddie's chest and both his hands tightened around Chris as if to make sure he was still safe and settled.

"A while."

All night.

He had been laid on his back, slightly propped up against the pillows, all night. With his baby boy right on his chest where he should be.

***

A smile graced (Y/n)'s lips when she walked into the living room and looked over at the sofa. Placing her drink down on the side table, she tiptoed to the sofa and slowly perched down beside Eddie.

He was slouched in the corner, both knees bent out to the sides with his legs spread wide. His right elbow was propped up on the armrest with his hand curled into a fist and his cheek smushed up against his fist, stopping his head from flopping down and hurting his neck. His shoulders were slumped down, his left arm was laid on his thigh and his eyes were closed.

He hadn't been asleep for long, but he had managed to nod off despite the noise circulating through his parent's house.

His parents were making a ruckus in the kitchen trying to prepare dinner, both his sisters and their partners were moving inside and out into the garden and music was playing in the background. And yet, Eddie still managed to fall asleep.

(Y/n) slowly curled her hands around Eddie's bicep and leaned her head against his shoulder while she looked to see what was on tv. She heard Eddie mumble something and groan, but he didn't move.

She leaned her chest up against his arm and slung her left leg over Eddie's thigh until she was practically lying on top of him.

A round of coughing caught (Y/n)'s attention and her eyes darted to the right and locked on Chris.

He had been suffering with a chest infection for over two weeks now, and he was still croaky. Antibiotics took the edge off and an inhaler helped to get him breathing properly for a while, but then the coughing came back. (Y/n) had been giving him two baths a day with salts and vapour drops in the water to try and get the steam into his lungs to clear them.

Her eyes followed Chris as he toddled over, his glasses almost falling off the edge of his nose. His arms were stretched out in front of him and he planted his hands down on Eddie's thighs the moment he reached him.

The four-year-old whacked his hands against Eddie's inner thighs enough to make him groan and stir him awake.

Eddie blinked slowly and huffed, lifting his head off his hand just as Chris used his upper strength to pull himself up onto his dad's lap. Once he was up, Chris scraped his hands against Eddie's arms and flopped forward onto Eddie's chest causing him to grunt.

"Hi buddy." Leaning his head back on the sofa, Eddie closed his eyes again while he moved his hands under Chris's arms and pulled him up higher. He settled Chris down on his chest, with his head on Eddie's shoulder and his arms loosely draped around his neck.

When Chris started to cough, he pressed his lips into Eddie's shirt, over his chest and closed his eyes tight. He felt Eddie's hand rub up and down his back and his lips pressing to the top of his head.

"Deep breaths, that's it." Eddie opened his eyes and glanced down at the watch on his wrist. "Let's get you some medicine… do you want a drink?" His head turned towards (Y/n) and he pecked her lips when she nodded. It was about time for Chris to have some more medicine and Eddie knew his parents would be done with dinner soon.

His hand cradled the back of Chris's neck, and his other arm curved around the back of his legs to keep him in place before he slowly stood to his feet.

He felt Chris nuzzle into his neck and begin taking deeper breaths while he tried to hum into his dad's neck. Eddie kept his lips pressed into Chris's temple, nudging his nose into his boy's curls as he trailed through the living room and made his way into the kitchen.

"Okay, here we go." Lifting his arms, Eddie tried to shift Chris onto his hip but the toddler wouldn't have it. His arms deadlocked around Eddie's neck and his chest glued down against Eddie's with his knees jabbed into his lower abdomen. Chris didn't want to sit on his hip, he wanted to stay curled up against Eddie's chest.

This was how his dad always held him and he wanted to stay like this. Eddie held Chris with one arm and reached out to grab the Calpol, struggling to get the medicine in the syringe with one hand so he didn't have to put Chris down.

"Take this, buddy."

Chris didn't object and took the medicine gladly before Eddie started to pour two glasses of wine.

He felt his mother's hand on his back and Eddie smiled, trying to liven himself up a bit more. His head turned to the right to watch his mother move round and stand beside him, but he watched her narrow her eyes when she noticed Chris curled up in his arms.

"He can walk on his own, Eddie." Her voice was soft but her words and her tone was chiding. It was as if she thought Eddie was doing something wrong by carrying Chris like this.

"I know."

Eddie nodded nonchalantly and took a large swig of wine before he curled his fingers around the stems of both glasses. He turned to face his mother, his son in one arm and the glasses in his other hand. He wasn't stopping Chris from walking. He and (Y/n) had been trying hard to get Chris walking on his own, especially when it was such a struggle to get him standing on his own two feet and able to shuffle around.

Since he was two, Chris had mostly been crawling and shuffling on his bum rather than walking. His cerebral palsy made it harder for him to hold his balance and standing was a struggle.

Eddie didn't want to stop his progress or carry him everywhere, but he was sick. And if Chris wanted to be carried or cuddled or lay on Eddie's chest, then Eddie certainly wasn't going to object.

"He's a bit big to be carrying around." She rested her hand on Eddie's arm but he shook his head and pulled away.

"No he's not." His shoulders shrugged and he pursed his lips as he looked down from his mother to his son. "He's my little man, I can carry him anywhere if he wants me to."

Spinning on his heels, Eddie passed back down through the hall and back into the living room where (Y/n) was sat just as he'd left her. He let her take both glasses from his hand before he turned and slowly eased back down beside her, trying not to jostle Chris too much on his chest.

He felt Chris shimmy on his chest again, curling up with his knees into his chest and his arms left Eddie's neck to wrap around his chest instead. Eddie pressed his hand down on Chris's back before he curled his left arm out and wrapped it around (Y/n). He reeled her into his side with her head on his shoulder so his lips could attach to the top of her head.

His son would never be too old to be carried or to lay on Eddie's chest.

[bby-bo]

When The Boss Comes Knocking

the following is a CEO!Sakusa fic that landed somewhere between sfw and sorta nsfw, but its kiyoomi and he just makes my brain go buzz in every situation so i just couldn’t help it 

Part 2

Summary: You dated Sakusa in high school but went your separate ways after graduation. Turns out he missed you much more than he let on. 

Warnings: none, just kiyoomi being hot. use of “sweetheart” and “baby”

Sakusa Kiyoomi always has been and will always be the man of your dreams. Tall and broad shouldered, even in his high school years he was the pinnacle of your existence, and all you wanted was to be near him. Your wishes were granted for only a brief period of time when you finally dated in your junior year, but your Kiyoomi was ripped away from you when his family decided he needed to start preparing to take over the business.

The Sakusa Group was well known and respected for their acquisition of many successful start-ups, but details of their business dealings were always very secretive. And the company had only grown and expanded since Kiyoomi became CEO at just a mere 25 years old- not that you were stalking the Sakusa Group’s movements in your free time or anything.

When the two of you broke up he had encouraged you to “follow your own dreams”, and made sure to mention he would be extremely busy in the years after graduating high school.  You had received the underlying message loud and clear. He wanted to be left alone and didn’t want a girl from a regular family ruining his image when he entered the executive world. Your heart was shattered, but that didn’t stop you from missing Kiyoomi dearly even years later. The hugs that completely enveloped your frame and the scent of his light cologne, the one he brought you to pick out for him on his birthday. The rasp of his deep voice and how its sound had burrowed into the back of your brain, the memories of random things he once said to you popping to the forefront of your mind haphazardly throughout your days.

You had done as he said, and moved to the city to become an author as you always dreamed. Actually, you were pretty successful in the romance industry and even though you only had a handful of books published, your fanbase was so dedicated and charismatic. In your single year of dating Kiyoomi you had amassed a lifetime’s worth of romantic material, and between your real life experiences with him and the melancholy fantasies that kept you up at night nowadays, you had lots of inspiration. Although, even you were prone to the classically dreaded writer’s block.

Today was just a regular Tuesday morning in the office, where you preferred to write when you were stuck in a rut. Unfortunately, the coffee mug on your desk was not bringing the inspiration that you wanted and you glared at the last sip, willing some piece of creativity to be hiding inside as you downed it. Nothing. Loosening a sigh, you dropped your head into your hands just as a knock rapped on the door. Without lifting your head you greeted the visitor, already knowing who was on the other side.

“Come in!”

“How’s it coming? Anything I can get you right now?” It was the sweet front desk girl, Josie, checking in on you. Again. 

“Unless you can write in my place, there’s not much you can do for me i'm afraid” Josie meant well, but her insistent interruptions certainly were not helping your workflow, and this was the third time within 30 minutes she’s asked if you needed anything.

“Okie dokie, I’ll check back later then! Keep at it! ” 

“Oh, you don’t have to-” She was off with a wave without hearing your response, the door slamming behind her. With another sigh, your head dropped back into your hands, frustration building. 

Not 5 minutes later, there was another knock at the door. But this time the door opened before you could respond.

“Holy shit, Josie i’m really fine I swear- K-Kiyoomi???” You burst from your seat in surprise, your eyes all but popping out of your head.

And there he was, like a fever dream come to life, standing in the doorframe. His handsome face tilted to the side slightly, a smirk pulling across his lips.

“There you are, I’ve been looking for you” His voice had gotten deeper since the last time you spoke. His hair a little longer, his chest a bit stronger. But his eyes remained the same, that dark gaze enticing you and melting you down with just a look.

“W-what are you doing here? How did you-? What is this??” 

As much as you wanted to cave and run straight into his arms, you vividly recalled your last conversation with Sakusa. Not Kiyoomi. He had corrected you so coldly before parting, saying “you should call me by last name from now on, otherwise people may get confused”. As if it would be bad if people mistakenly thought you were still dating. As if to push you that much further away. Your confusion only grew as you looked at him now, unsure of his motives for being here. 

“Came to scope out a new prospect. I sent an executive to meet with your publishing house’s CEO last week” His smirk widened as he took deliberately slow steps into the room, sleek confidence dripping from him. 

That's right, your boss had mentioned that your little publishing house had been recently approached by a huge parent company with an amazing offer, but as far as you knew nothing had been made official. And you certainly had no clue that said parent company was the Sakusa Group. The realization settled in, and the frustration you felt earlier was starting to bubble up again. 

All of a sudden he was in your space, sleek black button-up shirt in your direct line of sight. What was his goal here? Certainly this has nothing to do with you? Right. Exactly. He claimed he was here for business. Then why..??

Long fingers gripped your chin, thumb tugging your bottom lip from between your teeth where you nervously chewed it. 

“Where did you pick up this bad habit? And when are you planning on acknowledging me properly?” Your heart dropped to your stomach. His firm grip brought your face to look up at his, a little too close for comfort. Kiyoomi’s smirk tilted into a small frown, an admonishing look starting to grow.

“Of course sir, I apologize. Good morning Mr. Sakusa.” Backing out of his hold, you bowed in respect. Of course he was here for just business. 

This only seemed to irritate him further though, and when you rose from your greeting he took another step closer. You may as well have been toe to toe now. 

“Since when do you address me that way?” His eyes were too intense, and you could feel the memories of your past relationship coming up in your mind, emotion nearly overwhelming you before you swallowed it down.

“I’m not sure what you mean sir, it would be improper for me to address you otherwise” 

If he was irritated before, then he was surely pissed off now. 

His hands gripped your shoulders, roughly pushing you back against your desk before planting his palms on either side, caging you in. 

“Why won’t you look at me, hm? It’s disrespectful to ignore your superior sweetheart” Shit. That voice had you in a vice grip and he knew it. He was using it to his advantage. 

“I was unaware you would be my business superior until a minute ago, forgive me sir” How long will your legs hold up before melting completely?

“Seems like something is bothering you. You don’t like the idea of working with me? Or maybe you don’t like the idea of me being your boss? Sweetheart, I hope you realize I know you’ve been writing about me.” 

“No! No thats not-!” Your head shot up in a rush to disagree, or maybe to explain. Either way, you immediately realized your mistake and you were silenced once more. The tip of your nose brushed his, and his breath brushed your lips in an intimate greeting, as if to say “hey, i missed you”. 

His mock irritation melted away, the smirk returning once more. You fell into the trap too easily.

Most people knew Sakusa to be the cool and straightforward man he showed to the world, but when you dated in high school he quickly shattered this image. Though he certainly preferred to stay away from crowds and strangers, he was still human after all, and loved to be in your personal space whenever he got you alone. He had always enjoyed making you blush and stutter, thriving off the knowledge that he could affect you so deeply. Clearly, he still enjoyed that feeling. 

But you were not a toy, and he was interrupting your work day. And how dare he just come back into your life after throwing you aside for so many years?! Absolutely not, you refused to be disrespected this way. Your hands came to his chest, giving him a solid (and completely ineffective) shove.

“No. This is not professional Mr. Sakusa-!” 

Sakusa didn’t back up a single inch. Instead he gripped your face, long fingers pinching into your cheeks slightly. Your breath caught in your throat, previous arguments completely obliterated.

“Stop. Saying. No. Now answer me. Since when do you call me by my last name? You’re purposely not answering my question” 

When you took a breath in you caught the scent of his cologne, and it was the same one you picked out for him in high school. He still wore it. Every single thought emptied out of your head, except for the recognition of how close he was to you, and where he was touching you. 

“Say it.”

“K-Kiyoomi...”

“Say it like you mean it, baby.”

“Kiyoomi.” A smile broke out as his name fell from your mouth a second time.

“That’s my girl, just as pretty as ever. I missed you so bad sweetheart, I’ve been looking for you in the city for some time now. And don't worry, I’ll make up for lost time, so don’t push me away.” 

His second hand came up to the back of your head, tugging you back by your hair and bringing your mouth to his. But he didn’t kiss you, he denied you the pleasure, only speaking against your lips. You let him do as he pleased, no longer able to deny how much you missed him. Missed this. 

“Look at you with your hair so grown out now.”

“Do you like it?”

“I love everything about you.” He moved to plant a firm kiss to both of your cheeks, and to your disappointment he slowly released his hands from your face and hair. 

“The Sakusa Group will officially be in ownership of your publisher by the end of the week. You’ll be seeing a lot more of me, so get used to it sweetheart.” He offered no further explanations or goodbyes, and he left your office with only your disheveled and flustered state to prove that he had really been there at all. 

You made absolutely zero progress on your writing the rest of the morning and afternoon, but when you returned the next day ready for another day of failure, you opened the door to see your office transformed into a florist. 

There were flowers on every single surface, completely covering your desk and the floor. There were roses of every shade, along with tulips, orchids, and other kinds of flowers you had never even seen before. Each bouquet was bursting with color and life, wrapped in silk ribbons and set in gorgeous porcelain vases that looked absolutely priceless.  There was only a small path left open for you to walk to your desk seat, and on your keyboard was a note. 

“A flower for every occasion I missed. And more just because.” 

Your hand came up to your mouth, tears already welling up in your eyes. You looked to the bottom, and saw he signed the note,

“Always Yours, Kiyoomi”

[cultofdixon]

Strong, Healthy, that’s all that matters

Daryl Dixon • She/Her Pronouns • Part 2 to “You do what you can” • Alexandria is a wonderful luxury the group was given. Even with the ups and downs • ANGST/SFW/NSFW - Nudity • TW: Miscarriage Mentioned / Pregnancy / Vomiting & Excessive Nausea / Canon Violence

Requested by: Anon

PREV

“Why are you out here and not inside with Y/N?” Carol asked her best friend from her porch while he sat on the fence fiddling with his crossbow.

“Doc gave her a sedative. She’s safe, don’t gotta watch her”

“Then why are you biting your thumb every now and then?” She comments on his anxious habit resulting in Daryl stopping himself from continuing.

“She’s weak, can barely stand weak. I’m tryin’ to think of what to do for her when the best thing for her right now is sleep and the IV that doc put in her. He comes by every hour to give us a new one and take the old one to refill. Rick or I change it but I don’t know what else I could do”

“Well, how about I make something that I ate during my pregnancy that I knew I kept down…see if Y/N can handle it. If not, I’ll keep making things pregnancy friendly with what we’ve got.”

“I heard what yea said when they took her to the infirmary.” Daryl hung his head low to avoid her shocked expression. “You wished she’d lost it, then she wouldn’t be useless when we take this place if people fuck with us enough.”

“Daryl—-“

“If yea mean it, then do that shit for my partner and our baby. Otherwise I’ve got it.”

“Yet you’re siting out here and not being with her. Doesn’t matter if you can’t do anything but watch her sleep or hell, sleep with her why not. That’s doing something” Carol states walking past to go to the pantry.

“You look ridiculous by the way!” He had to make one last comment which got a laugh out of the woman.

After a bit more time sitting on the porch to think of anything else he could do for his partner, he decided it was best to listen to his best friend. But when he entered the bedroom Y/N took, she wasn’t in bed and her IV bag was unhooked from her and clamped to keep it from continuing to dispense. Daryl was about to let his anxiety take over when he heard splashing of water.

The second he peaked his head into the bathroom, Y/N quickly turned to him.

“Hi…”

“Hi…how are yea…” His face distorted to the mixture of smells happening in the room. “feeling? What is—-“

“Vomit. I didn’t…make it to the toilet or the trash can at least and puked all over my clothes” Y/N frowns feeling awful about it as she quickly turned away to avoid her tears being noticeable. It’s small potatoes but she’s crying anyway…and again.

Daryl brought himself to kneel by the bath gently taking her chin bringing her attention onto him. He then took care of wiping away the tears bringing out that smile of hers as he leans against the edge of the tub.

“I’ll get you clean clothes. There’s sweats I saw….uhm. Did you take your IV out? Do I have to get—-“

“No it was uhm. The IV tubing was one like a screw in and not a needle piercing the plastic” Y/N showed him that she taped the excess tubing to her arm and did her best to keep it dry. “It’s honestly hard to explain and just easier to show you when I put it back in”

“Puttin’ your old nursing days to use”

“Surprised you even remember that…and it was just a clinic” Y/N laughs softly sinking a bit into the water that was starting to lose its warmth.

“Everythin’ you’ve said to me, I’ve kept to memory. You’re my girl.” Daryl gave her a soft smile which she will take to memory as she brought her hand to rest on his cheek watching him kiss the inside of her palm.

“You know you don’t have to be calm with me…” Y/N reassures even when he gave her a confused look. “I have gotten pretty good at reading your expressions, especially your infamous blank ones…I know you don’t like it here. It’s…scary and I’m not gonna get used to it instantly either or like the others”

“All I want is to keep my family safe. Something doesn’t feel right here but all I gotta do is keep y’all safe”

Y/N smiles bringing herself to the edge pressing a kiss to his lips as he happily returns the gesture.

“Need help out?” Daryl asks when Y/N pulled the stopper out to let the water drain. She nods watching him stand up holding his hands out for her to take carefully.

The second Daryl helped her stand to her feet his eyes fixated on something that anxiously took Y/N’s attention.

“What happened?”

“Nothin’. Nothin’ bad” Daryl states still staring as he helps her out of the tub and reaching for the towel on the sink she set out for herself. “You’re showin’” he says while gently wrapping her in the towel and finding the opportunity to rest his hand on her belly after giving her a quick glance for any signs from her of not wanting him to do such.

But his large hands make it look like nothing in comparison to Y/N keeping the towel from covering her belly a moment so she could rest her hand on her small but growing bump. She couldn’t help the tears that started to form at her waterline when looking at the small bump as she was worried ever since she found out she was pregnant and had this 1 in a million case of intense nausea that the baby wouldn’t grow.

Yet here they were admiring the small thing as Daryl rest his forehead against hers a moment while they both looked before he wrapped her entirely in the towel and picking her up bridal style carrying her back to the rest of bedroom.

Once she dressed in the sweats and long sleeve Daryl had gotten out for her, it felt like a cue for Rick to step in without knocking but Y/N was used to that. She grew up with the guy.

“How are yea feeling?”

“I’m doing okay” Y/N gave him a tired smile while showing Daryl how to reconnect the IV bag. “Did you need something?”

“Yeah you remember Deanna coming in to introduce herself to you?”

“Yeah?” The confusion grew on her partner’s face to what he was getting at.

“She’s throwing a welcoming party or whatever they’re called for our infusion to the place. She wants you to come if you’re feeling well enough”

“I could just lie—-“

“Yeah I know but I have to go and so are the kids. I’d just. Like it if you came” Rick says on his way out before Y/N could say anymore on the matter. She turned to Daryl and before he could share his concerns on why he doesn’t exactly feel welcomed…

“You don’t have to come if you don’t want to. Frankly I don’t…really want to either. I never fit in with this kind of crowd” Y/N rest her head on Daryl’s shoulder feeling his arm snake around her bringing her close. “You just be safe with whatever you do and I promise you I will be safe.”

“You just know what to say huh?” Daryl chuckles lightly pressing a kiss to the top of her head. “I’ll uh…well, I wanna check out the place when there’s not a lot of people ‘round”

“Can you make sure the wall is actually secure?”

“That what you’re really worried about?”

“I’m pregnant, Dar. I’m worried about a lot of things”

The night of the party came and Rick quietly approaches Y/N’s bedroom knocking on the door frame watching her attention go from the full body mirror to him. She was wearing a dress that was more on the fitted side and showed off her bump, the dress was given to her by Deanna. As if she wanted to show everyone who the pregnant newcomer was.

“You look miserable”

“Yeah but not in that sense. The doc came by to check me out…as per request by—-“

“Jesus fucking Christ”

“And he said I should be fine to go. So I can’t really stand up this party…especially since she also dropped this dress off and it’s like. She wants everyone to know I’m the pregnant one”

“Yeah I don’t quite understand this whole “reliving the old life” Alexandria’s got going for it. But I’ve found a sweater in my closet that I think you’d like to wear over the dress.” Rick tossed his sister the grey sweater that she instantly put on. “Well don’t we clean up nice”

“You miss it?” Y/N questions as she sits on the edge of the bed slipping her untied converse with ease as Rick instantly knelt down to help her by tying them. “The old world?”

“Honest? I don’t”

“Why?”

“I missed my sister, now I see her everyday” Rick stood to his feet once he tied her shoes and helped her up. “I don’t ever want to go back to rarely ever seeing you”

The first thirty minutes of the party, Y/N was approached by those simply introducing themselves to the newcomers and the occasional woman that was too curious about her pregnancy. She even had to swat someone from touching her belly. It seemed to only get worse when one of Deanna’s sons, Aiden walked over trying to do his usual shtick.

“Come here often?”

Gross. “Nope” Y/N tried to brush him off but he kept his place.

“I saw yea come in on a stretcher. Thank god a bombshell like yourself pulled through”

“I wasn’t dying”

“Ah well. Still”

“Still what? Did you not see the man glued to my side or the smallest but obvious reason why I had to be rolled into this shithole?” Y/N glared at the man while holding her belly as Aiden cleared his throat.

“I uh. Just thought you were fat—-“

“EXCUSE ME?!” Y/N scoffs about to break this man in half when Maggie cut in and physically shoved the guy back.

“Woah watch it. I was having a conversa—-“

“Yeah and it’s done, unless you want me to let her beat you to a pulp”

“Like her weak ass can even land a punch”

And without another word, Maggie moved out of Y/N’s way and she didn’t hesitate to land a good one right in the kisser. Aiden instantly fumbled back about to fight back when Reg instantly pulled his son away letting Deanna take care of the situation. But Y/N had enough of being there.

“Come on Rocky, let’s get you home before the ref realizes what happened to her bitch of a son” Maggie quickly wrapped an arm around her friend’s shoulders walking out of the house and heading toward the Grimes’s residence.

“Hope Daryl is having a better time than I am.” Y/N frowns feeling the sick feeling return.

Meanwhile Daryl was checking out the bike frame Aaron had shown him and while he was making a plate for the archer’s partner…Eric wobbled in.

“Hey you never told us your wife’s name”

“She’s not my—-Y/N—We ain’t married.” Daryl fumbled a bit as he had that strange old world feeling when it came to their “situation”.

Y/N Grimes is the love of Daryl Dixon’s life. Neither of them like labels.

Daryl calls her sunshine, darling, and lovely.

Y/N calls him my love, babe, and the occasional Darbear for the fun of it.

The archer calls her his partner to others and some part of him would love to use my wife.

So what’s stopping me? Daryl thought as Eric gave him a confused look after his scrambling.

“I know we just met but do you mind if I push?”

“Why do yea want to?”

“Because I feel like it. I talked to Y/N when we were both in the infirmary” Eric leaned against the door frame with his arms crossed. “She’s a catch, and fate brought you two together…you don’t need a fancy wedding for a union anymore. I get some don’t like labels or whatever, but honestly, those labels are sometimes not for you…besides” He reached into his pocket tossing a ring box at the archer. “She loved that”

Such little time in the infirmary lead to a lot of unanswered questions. But Daryl found himself heading back to the Grimes’s residence with a wrapped plate of spaghetti and a ring in a velvet box. Nothing too fancy. Nothing like what the brides have in the old movies. It suited them. That’s how perfect it was.

“Hey Dixon!” Pete calls out to Daryl carrying a few things in his hands as he stalls by the steps. “Got a few things for your woman after doing a bit of research and what happened tonight”

“The fuck happen tonight?”

Pete gave him about the same level of blank staring before handing him one of those instant ice packs. “She punched the Monroe boy. Should help with the bruising. Plus found one of these pregnancy books in what we are suppose to call a library? Anyway and some nausea meds”

“Thanks…” Daryl accepted everything as he watches him leave before quickly picking up where he left off heading inside.

The archer quickly dropped the plate off on the kitchen island before making his way upstairs and into their shared room finding her still awake. Y/N still wearing the sweater her brother gave her but was finally out of that stupid dress. When she locked eyes with her partner, some part of her wished she still wore it for him to see but she was more focused on everything he carried.

“You were busy tonight”

“Uh. I guess.” Daryl brought himself to sit beside Y/N feeling her lips instantly press onto his cheek the moment he sat before resting her cheek against his shoulder. “Heard about your right hook”

“Dumbass deserved it…”

“Gotta point him out for me, so I know who to fucking show who’s boss”

“I sort of already did, but I will” Y/N laughs lightly against him, taking the offered instant ice pack to crack it and hold it on her dominant hand. “What else you’ve got?”

“I’ve got yea a plate in the kitchen. Had dinner with Aaron and his partner Eric. It was…nice. I wish you were there with me” Daryl kissed the top of her head as she snuggled up into him humming in response. “The doc also gave me meds for yea to try when it comes to your vomiting”

“I can take down fluids so I don’t need the IV anymore. That’s one good thing happening”

“That’s great” Daryl repeated the phrase once more before carefully pulling away from Y/N setting down the nausea meds along with the pregnancy book that peaked her interest—-for only a short moment.

Because the archer getting down on one knee instantly brought her attention away.

“Daryl Dixon. What are you doing?”

“Something…something stupid? I…I know about what we think of labels and shit but I can’t shake this”

“Daryl…” Y/N softens bringing herself entirely to the edge of the bed.

“I’ve been wanting to call you my wife since the last month of peace back at the prison. I want and am gonna spend the rest of my life with you…and this peanut is just. Our overflowing love onto another human being…”

“So poetic of you, Daryl Dixon…” Y/N laughs softly bringing his face into her hands as the tears instantly fell from her touch.

“I love you so much, sunshine”

“I love you so much more Darbear” She smirks hearing his annoyed laugh escape his lips as she gently wipes away his tears. “Now are you going to ask me? Because I don’t need a ring to tell the world how much I love being your wife”

Daryl gently pulls away to take the ring box out of a pocket in his vest as it surprised Y/N slightly when he opened it. It brought out a small tearful laugh to the silver arrow wrapped into a ring. It was a little cheesy but it was for them.

“Will you be my wife, Y/N Grimes?”

“I do, Daryl Dixon. I sure as fucking hell do”

It’s been about two months since then. Y/N was now six months pregnant and Alexandria went through…a lot.

The wall collapsing

The herd

Carl losing an eye

Maggie’s pregnancy announcement

Losing a lot of Alexandrians

It took about a month to fix the wall and collect themselves, slowly bringing themselves back to a sense of normal.

The morning came slowly, or slower than usual…

Y/N shifted slightly in the bed feeling the discomfort truly grow in her back once she opened her eyes. A soft groan escaped her lips which stirred Daryl awake as he lifted his head to check her face for anything but kept his hand secured on her belly.

“The baby isn’t going to kick every time your hand is there”

“She does. Sometimes”

“She huh? What happened to strong and healthy…that’s all that matters?”

“That’s still fact. Don’t mean I can wish for somethin’ on the side” Daryl whispers as he pressed a kiss to her belly which resulted in a laugh from his wife but also a kick hitting his hand. “That’s my girl”

“Rick caught me up on your supply run just the two of you…promise you’ll be safe?”

“I always do don’t I?”

“Yeah but last time you came home with a knife wound in your shoulder”

“Alright, fair enough” Daryl brought himself to sit up and help his wife do the same as Y/N gently caressed his cheek worried about him. “I promise”

“Good…”

Because I have a weird feeling about today

[hanasnx]

(the executive dysfunction monster hit me too, i fear. was stuck between babydaddy!red hood and babydaddy!arkham knight, but i settled on red hood bc i'm choosing to gatekeep my ak thoughts)

baby daddy!jason, who you co-parent with in a very civilized way. no joke, the picture of camaraderie between exes. he takes your daughter on the days he's supposed to (which isn't that often, given his occupation) and brings her back on time, always with a little gift for you as well. flowers, chocolates, a little knick-knack reminiscent of when you were together. it's not because he's in love with you or anything; it's just the principle of the matter. "happy wife, happy life," not that you were married or even dating, but he figures the mother of his child should get love sometimes. 

baby daddy!jason, who, the next time he sees you, it's to drop off something your daughter forgot with him, and as he's handing you the bag, he casually asks why you haven't been asking him to take her more often. you had been for a while when you were going on dates weekly, but for some reason, the relationships never went anywhere, so you just gave up. "oh, you know, it just wasn't working out." you say off-handedly, "kept getting ghosted." you sound only marginally disappointed, moreso annoyed. "hm, what a shame, they're really missing out," he says, getting real close to you and taking up your entire field of vision.

baby daddy!jason, who's got your entire calendar memorized and knows that his daughter's not home tonight, and you've got no plans other than watching movies in solitude. he knows you're too stubborn to call him over for company even though you've been giving him fuck me eyes in passing for the past few months, so he figures he just has to take matters into his own hands and corner you until you give in like he knows you want to.

baby daddy!jason who fucks you on damn near every surface in the house, telling you he's just christening the place like he would've already done if you lived together. whispers apologies in your ears about scaring off all of your dates while he's splitting you open, bullying his cock into you while your eyes roll to the back of your head because you haven't been fucked this good in years, not since the last time you'd been with him. your face is deep in some pillows when you realize the memories you had of his dick pale in comparison to the real thing, and you weren't sure you could go back to using your imagination to get off after tonight.

baby daddy!jason, who keeps you up all night until your pussy's red and puffy from how many times it'd come in contact with his hips while he was fucking you. fat tip kissing your cervix until you were clawing at his biceps, begging him to give you some reprieve, tears in your eyes while you babble incoherently, too lost in the feeling of him to make any sense. he admits in the midst of sex that he tried to get over you, he really did, but he just couldn't; just couldn't picture you with another man in any capacity. the thought of someone else touching you, fucking you, loving you, made his stomach turn, filling him with rage and an overwhelming need to claim you as his. 

baby daddy!jason, who's a level-headed, non-fragile ego'd man until it comes to his family, which, contrary to what some would say, did not only consist of his daughter but you too, and any guy who tried to get with you was a threat. he didn't know the intentions of other men, but he knew his own, which was to keep his little family happy as long as he was alive. if that meant putting a gun to the head of anyone who made a move on you and consoling you by stretching you out the way he knew you liked until you just said "fuck it" and let him put another baby in you, then so be it.

-🍃

i have a hard time responding to long inbox messages but i wanted to tell you thank you for indulging me in my idea i loved reading this :)

[watchmegetobsessed]

BLIND EYE

A/N: i've had this idea stuck in my head for a while and im kinda satisfied with how it turned out! hope you guys will like it too!

WORD COUNT: 10k

WARNING: sexual content, lots of misscommunication, its an emotional rollercoaster

SUMMARY: Harry thought everything was going well in his marriage. Right until one day his wife left with no explanation and not he is stuck in the dark, waiting to find out how he can fight for what matters the most to him.

MASTERLIST | SUPPORT ME!

 “Will this bloody rain ever stop?” Harry grumbles under his nose as they finally reach the front door of the townhouse that’s covered from the pouring rain. His hands are buried deep in his jacket’s pockets as he impatiently waits for Mitch to open the door so they can finally escape the monsoon that’s been nonstop pouring for the past three days. Mitch chuckles softly as he turns the key in the lock.

“Aren’t you supposed to be used to the rain? You spent way too much time away from here.”

“Just because I’m British it doesn’t mean I have to like this shitty weather,” he scoffs, following his friend into the home Mitch and Sarah are renting for the upcoming weeks. Harry and the band are now located in London to record as much new material as possible before they need to get on the road again soon. 

“If you say so,” Mitch huffs out a small laugh as he kicks his wet boots off his feet, Harry doing the same with his trainers.

“Sarah’s not home?” he questions, hanging his jacket up. Mitch grows cautious at his question, though he made sure his wife would be out by the time they get here. It’s not that Sarah is trying to avoid Harry. It’s impossible, since they work together, but she has made plans with someone who is actually actively working on not running into the singer. 

“Uh, no. She is out with James,” he says, picking up a toy on his way to the living room, dropping it into the basket next to the couch. “I’ll put my phone on the charger, can you make us coffee? You know how the machine works, right?”

“Yeah, sure,” Harry nods and as Mitch heads upstairs to the bedroom, he walks into the kitchen, moving around like it’s his home. 

For a bit, the espresso machine’s noise cancels out everything else, Harry stands by it, staring out into the pouring rain through the sliding door that leads out to the small, lush green backyard. The townhouse is well-kept, Mitch and Sarah have rented it out several times when they had to spend more than just a few days in London and Harry thinks it suits the little family perfectly. 

Looking around in the kitchen he finds little reminders of the baby they welcomed not long ago, the bottles on the drying rack, the portable highchair they usually bring on tour as well and toys left scattered here and there. James has been a true blessing and Harry’s chest swells with pride every time he sees the little lad, knowing that he brought his parents together by recruiting them into the same band. 

When the machine stops working, Harry hears muffled voices coming from upstairs. Voices, as in not just Mitch’s.

He grabs his black coffee and curiously walks over to the bottom of the stairs, only to hear Mitch talking to his wife somewhere upstairs. So Sarah is home.

“Mitch?” he calls out, taking a small sip of his coffee. He hears footsteps and his friend appears on the stairs a few moments later, rushing down to join him, but he looks tense this time. “What’s up? Did I hear Sarah?”

“Yeah, she had to come back for something, but she’ll be leaving any minute. Come on, let’s settle in the kitchen.” Mitch gently grabs Harry’s arm and pulls him away from the stairs, but he resists, yanking his hold off of himself.

“What’s happening? I can’t see Sarah?” He chuckles with a puzzled look. 

“No, no, it’s just–��

And then he hears it. 

Harry would recognize her voice from a million others, it’s burnt into his mind and memories, and though it’s been a source of happiness and joy for long years in his life, now it makes his stomach drop and his throat goes dry.

“She’s here?” Harry frantically asks his friend.

“H, don’t. She doesn’t–”

Harry doesn’t let him finish, he rushes up the stairs without a second thought, looking for her. The door of the master bedroom is open, Sarah is standing there with James in her arms and when she spots him, her eyes widen.

“Harry–”

“I want to see her,” he pleads, slowly approaching the drummer, who is now walking towards him. She places a hand to his chest to stop him and he comes to a halt, though he is constantly trying to look over her shoulder, hoping to get a glimpse of the person in the bedroom.

“It’s not a good idea.”

“Sarah, I haven’t seen her in a month. I need to… Please!” he begs as panic is spreading through his veins from the thought of missing the chance of stealing a glimpse of her. It’s been the longest he had to spend apart from her and given the circumstances of how they parted the last time they saw each other, he is desperate to win some time with her.

“But she doesn’t–”

“It’s fine,” comes a voice from the bedroom and a moment later she steps out into the hallway and Harry’s vision blurs out everything around her.

One month felt like an eternity. After being joined by the hips for years, Harry lost contact with the person who means the most to him: his wife.

Sarah looks back at her friend, who just nods to reassure her she can leave them alone, though she glances back one last time before going down the stairs and giving them some privacy.

Harry feels like it’s the first time he is seeing her all over again. She is still just as gorgeous as he remembers, wearing a simple pair of jeans with a red knitted sweater. She is barely wearing any makeup, so he notices the circles under her eyes and his heart breaks all over again. Has she been having trouble sleeping? Was she recently sick? Is she not taking care of her? He has so many questions, but he knows he can’t just spill it all on her.

“Hey,” he breathes out instead, taking a hesitant step towards her, though they are still several feet apart. He is fighting the urge to reach out and touch her, caress her cheek, pull her into his arms and kiss her…

“Hi. Sorry, we weren’t supposed to be here, but James was a little cold so we came back for an extra jacket for him,” she explains, nervously crossing her arms over her chest and Harry feels like it’s her way of keeping him away and locked out of her private space. It hurts, seeing her act so cold towards him and knowing that he can do absolutely nothing about it.

“Don’t apologize for running into me. I’m glad to see you,” he softly says, taking another step forward, but this time she backs one too, hinting that she wants him to stay right where he is.

Harry clenches his jaw and bites his tongue, knowing that commenting on her cold act would just worsen his situation and it’s bad enough already. He fists his hands, but then forces himself to loosen the grip, not wanting to look like a threat in any way.

“How… How are you?” he asks, ignoring the millions of questions he wants to ask her.

“I’m fine,” she nods, but her voice is flat, lacks the brightness he is used to and it concerns him. “How are you?” she asks, more likely only out of politeness.

“I’m good. Just… working, you know.”

“Yeah, the usual,” she nods with a weak smile. 

There’s a few moments of awkward silence, something that never really happened between the two of them, not even when they were just getting to know each other back in the day. 

“Alright, I’ll just go–” she moves to walk past Harry, but he stops her, placing a hand on her arm, the touch taking both of them by surprise. 

“Wait, Y/N,” he pleads and her eyes look down at his hand on her. He moves it right away, hoping he didn’t overstep the boundaries that have been quite blurry lately. “I just… I don’t understand,” he admits, exhaling sharply.

“Harry…” she sighs. “I told you that I need ti–”

“Time, I get it. And I respect that. But I want to know what’s happening. You left me in the dark and I’m just…” he breathes out, so lost and desperate to find answers. “I want to know what’s happening. I can wait and give you time and space, but I need to at least know what I’m waiting for. What I can expect.”

She closes her eyes, a tortured frown plastered across her face as she bites into her bottom lip to stop her from crying. The past month has been tough for her as well, not just for Harry.

“I-I don’t… I don’t know what to say,” she shakes her head.

“Tell me a reason, Y/N. There has to be a reason behind this, right?” he demands, but she just shakes her head again.

“I can’t do this now. I’m sorry,” she blurts out before running past him and down the stairs. He immediately regrets for pushing her and though he goes after her, she is fast and out of the house before he could catch up with her and when he reaches the end of the stairs he is met with Sarah.

“Don’t go after her, okay?” she pleads with a gentle hand on his chest. Harry wants to ignore her and just chase after Y/N, but deep down he knows he should stay back.

“Sarah, I can’t fucking do this. She wouldn’t say a word to me,” he breaks down, his throat closing up from the wave of emotions that are washing over him.

“I know, but she needs time. She will come around, just be patient.”

“I would be patient if only I knew what I’m waiting for! Don’t you think I deserve to know why she suddenly wanted to be separated from me? She is my wife, Sarah.”

He is a mess, has been since one day he came home and found Y/N’s suitcase gone with some of her stuff, a note on the fridge.

“I need some time to think things through. I’m staying at my brother’s.”

That’s it, nothing more. When he frantically called her, she could barely get a few words out, just told him that she needs time and she wants to be separated for a while. She didn’t say why, she didn’t say how long and Harry could barely get him to accept it, but he wanted her back, so he knew he would have to do what she asked.

It’s been one month and Harry barely heard from Y/N. They exchanged a few occasional texts about technical things, but nothing more. Harry has been in the dark ever since and he is reaching the end of his limit.

“I know and I’m sorry,” Sarah softly says as she takes James from Mitch. “She’ll tell you when she’s ready.”

Harry’s eyes snap at her.

“So you know why she’s doing it?” he asks with wide eyes. Sarah opens her mouth and closes right away as she realizes how she just gave herself away. “Sarah, you need to tell me.”

“I can’t, I’m sorry.”

“Please, I’m begging you.”

“H, stop,” Mitch places a warning hand to his shoulder as Sarah takes her bag and heads towards the door.

“I’m so sorry, Harry,” she sighs before walking out.

Harry stares at the door for long moments, as if he was waiting for Y/N to come back, but it remains closed. When he turns around to face Mitch, he looks like just the shadow of his old self. He is not himself without his better half and that’s Y/N.

“It’s gonna be alright. You trust Y/N, right?” Mitch asks, as he gently ushers Harry back into the kitchen.

“With my whole life,” he answers without missing a beat.

“Then trust her now too.”

Harry can’t say a word to that. His mind is racing, memories with Y/N and anything that could possibly drive her away from him occupy his mind, but he can’t bring up anything. He thought things were going great, they even talked about trying for a baby soon. She took a 180 out of nowhere and she is like an enigma now, when Harry thought he knew his wife better than anyone.

He keeps telling himself that he needs to keep his faith and believe that she’ll come back. But at times when she can barely speak a few words with him he can’t help but think that his marriage is falling apart right in front of his eyes and he can’t do a single thing about it.

The days pass by painfully slowly and Harry finds himself sitting on an emotional rollercoaster. Some days he can barely keep himself from calling her or showing up at her brother’s place to talk to her. Some days he fully accepts that he needs to wait it out and she’ll return to him eventually. And the day between the two might be the worse, when he can’t decide how he is feeling or what he wants to do.

He only hears about her from Mitch and Sarah, though they only throw crumbles of information about her. Harry hates that they are so good friends to her as well, because now it’s not in his favor. Though Sarah keeps it from him most of the time when she goes to see Y/N, Harry is not stupid. He knows they meet up regularly and he’s never been more jealous of anyone.

Harry plans out a birthday dinner for Anne and sends the details to Y/N as well. After all, she is still his wife and he knows how close Y/N and Anne are. His mother would have been disappointed if he didn’t even invite her.

He doesn’t get an answer though. Harry is tempted to ask her whether he should be expecting her on the morning of the dinner, but he talks himself down at last.

He invited all of his mother’s friends, his bandmates and anyone that matters in his mother’s life. It’s a bit of a surprise, because Gemma brings her to the restaurant, but she doesn’t know who’s gonna be there, so when she sees all the guests she is shocked and touched.

“Thank you so much!” she hugs Harry, tight and warm before kissing him on the cheek.

“Of course, mum,” he hums with a small smile.

He catches her looking around, as if she was searching for someone and his stomach drops when he realizes that she is probably looking for Y/N. She doesn’t comment on the lack of her presence when she doesn’t see her, but Harry can see the disappointment in her eyes.

Anne is still making her rounds of greeting everyone when Harry goes to the bar and checks up on the first round of drinks. The bartender is already finishing up the last few cocktails when Harry sees a familiar figure walking into the restaurant and his stomach drops before he even looks at her.

Y/N looks around hesitantly before she spots the group in the back, only after that does she see Harry standing by the bar and she stops in her tracks.

Harry is frozen, he wasn’t expecting her to come, not after she left him on read, but here she is, wrapped in her fuzzy coat and a black dress underneath. She shoots him a tight-lipped smile before approaching Anne who jumps into her arms when she sees her. He watches his mum hug his wife and a few months ago, this would be a lovely scene, but now it just pains him, knowing he doesn’t have the privilege to do the same.

He can’t hear what they talk about and he fights the urge to lurk closer as he returns to the table and takes his seat next to his sister.

“You’re not gonna make a scene, right?” Gemma leans over to him.

“Why would I?”

“I don’t know, you’re staring at her like a maniac.”

“Oh, piss off!” he rolls his eyes at his sister. “I haven’t seen her in weeks, of course I’m gonna stare,” he mumbles, just when the waiter places his cocktail in front of him. He grabs the drink in an instant and chugs down half of it at once. “I’m watching my own wife like a stalker. Pathetic,” he whispers, more to himself than to Gemma, but she catches his words clearly. Reaching over he gives his hand a squeeze.

“It’s gonna be alright.”

“Are you a traitor too and you know why she is doing it?” Harry scoffs.

“She didn’t tell me. But I know you both and I know that she loves you,” Gemma says.

“So then what do you think is happening? If she loves me, why can’t she tell me—“ Harry cuts him off when he realizes that he is talking a bit too loud. He clears his throat, making it sure no one was listening, but everyone seems too busy to pay attention to the siblings. “She is not talking to me, so I must have done something, but if she doesn’t tell me, I can’t make it right,” he continues, keeping his voice down.

“Maybe… you can’t make it right.”

“What the fuck does that mean?” he frowns. “If I did something so terrible, I would know about that, don’t you think?”

“Then maybe it’s not something you did,” she shrugs. “She asked for time, just give her that.”

“I’m fucking done with everyone telling me the same thing,” he growls and stands from the table and steps out to the back area that’s reserved for smoking, feeling several stares on his back as he exits.

He knows he shouldn’t have left like that, but he was losing his temper and he truly didn’t want to cause a scene, not on his mother’s birthday. If he smoked, he would be lighting a cigarette vigorously right now, but he is just staring up at the dark sky as he is waiting for his anger to die down. He hears the door open close and when he looks behind him, he sees Anne approaching him.

“Hey baby, everything alright?” she asks and as she reaches him she brushes a few curls out of his forehead.

“M’sorry, just needed some air.”

Anne nods, knowing well what he meant by that. She hates to see him like this, so broken and lost, but she can’t help him this time. Not in this fight.

“I think it’s a first step that she came. She knew you’d be here, but she still came. Why don’t you come back and show her that you appreciate her presence. That you’re happy she’s here.”

“I am happy that she’s here, but it’s still hard to be around her,” he exhales tiredly.

“I know, baby,” she nods. “But you have to be strong. I know you can do it. She needs you.”

“Does she? She is shutting me out, mum,” he scoffs.

“She needs you to support her by giving her time and space. I know it’s hard to do it, but she told you what she needs.”

Harry sighs and nods.

“Let’s go back,” he mumbles. Anne smiles up at him and kisses his cheek before the two of them return to the table.

Harry tries his best not to stare at Y/N for the rest of the dinner. She sits on the opposite end of the long table between two of his cousins. She seems less bubbly and lively than usual, but that’s all Harry can notice from the handful of stolen glances he allows himself throughout the evening. He’s heard the same thing so many times from different people that he just needs to give her what she asked for, but hearing it from his mother it finally sinks in. His patience that’s been shortening with every day spent apart suddenly becomes never ending and he realizes he’ll just have to wait for as long as she needs him to.

When the guests are starting to leave one by one, Harry can’t help but keep an eye on Y/N. When he sees her getting ready to leave he decides it’s time to get moving as well. He approaches her, making sure he doesn’t get too close so he is not scaring her away.

“Hey,” he softly says and she looks up with doe eyes.

“Hi,” she breathes out as she grabs her coat from the rack behind her.

“Let me help,” he offers and she hesitates before letting him take the coat and help it onto her.

“Thanks. And… for inviting me as well. I’m sorry I didn’t answer, I just—“

“You don’t have to explain yourself. I’m just glad you came. My mum too,” he adds with a tiny chuckle. “Are you heading home?”

“Yeah, I have to be up early tomorrow. It’s great that I can just walk home from here.”

Harry chews on his bottom lip, trying to decide whether to ask her what he’s been planning all evening and at last he just shoots his shot.

“Can I walk you home?”

Her lips part as she stares back at him and Harry knows she is about to reject him, but he speaks up first.

“We don’t have to talk. Just let me make sure you get home safe. Please, Y/N. I’ll keep my mouth shut.”

She clenches her jaw and stares back at him for what feels like forever and Harry is already bracing himself to get rejected, but then she nods.

“Okay. But I really don’t want to talk.”

“No talking. Not even a word,” he agrees eagerly, feeling like on top of the world. “Let me just pay the bill.”

He practically runs to settle the check, paying for everyone’s dinner and drinks. He keeps looking back to check if she’s still there and hasn’t left without him. She’s talking to Gemma, patiently waiting for him.

He grabs his coat too and then returns to her as fast as possible.

“It was nice seeing you, Gem,” she smiles. Gemma’s eyes move from her to Harry, a curious, questioning look, but she doesn’t comment on why Y/N’s leaving with him.

“You too. Take care,” Gemma smiles before returning to the remaining few guests.

They say goodbye to Anne as well, Harry tells his mum to stay for as long as she wants with her girlfriends, he paid for a few more drinks in advance. She thanks him everything and Harry doesn’t miss the smile on her lips when she sees him leave with Y/N.

It’s tempting to break his promise, but Harry keeps his mouth shut as they walk next to each other. Y/N’s brother’s apartment is just a few blocks away from the restaurant. It could have been a mere coincidence, but Harry would be lying if he said he didn’t think about how she might be more likely to come if she didn’t have to travel too far.

He is nervously fidgeting in his pockets as they are walking in silence. The walk is about fifteen minutes and he feels like a clock is ticking above his head, counting down the time he gets to spend physically close to her. When he spots the building that’s their destination, he is trying his best to push down his panic at the thought of not seeing her again for weeks. They’re almost there when he breaks his promise.

“You looked beautiful tonight, by the way.”

He awaits his punishment for speaking, expecting her to tell him off or just speed walk into the building, but her actual reaction is a total shocker.

She laughs, shaking her head.

“I knew you wouldn’t make it,” she sighs, but doesn’t sound upset.

“You know me too well,” he chuckles, but his heart drops when he realizes that they arrived. Taking a deep breath he just continues to talk. “I’m sorry for the scene last time. I was just not expecting to see you and I panicked.”

“It’s okay. I didn’t handle it too well either, so… I’m sorry too.”

Harry waits a few seconds, hoping that she might tell him more, but he is out of luck again. Tonight won’t be the one where she finally explains it all to him and he needs to accept it.

“I’ll give you the time and space you asked for under one condition,” he says. She inhales shakily.

“What’s the condition?”

“Promise me you’ll talk to me when you’re ready. I need to know that I will get my answers. It doesn’t matter when, whenever you want to.”

She curls her lips into her mouth as she looks to the side, folding her arms on her chest. When she looks back at him he holds his breath until she finally speaks up.

“I promise.”

Harry feels like he is breathing for the first time ever since she left. It’s a short relief, but he will probably think about this feeling for the next week.

“Okay,” he breathes out. “I’ll be waiting, Y/N. For as long as you need me to.” Chewing on her bottom lip she just nods. “Alright, I’ll go now. Thank you again, for coming tonight.”

“Bye, Harry,” she quietly says, walking up the stairs to the door.

“Bye, Y/N.”

Trouble in paradise?

Harry Styles tied the knot with Y/N Y/L/N just a little over a year ago. The couple had been going strong for five years when the singer popped the question and the intimate wedding was held exactly a year later. They’ve been praised as everyone’s favorite celebrity it couple, but their marriage might not be as strong as it appears from the outside.

A source close to Styles said the ex 1D member and his wife have been separated since the end of august, but there’s no talk of divorce yet. It’s unknown why the lovers decided to spend time apart, but fans have noticed that Y/N hasn’t been spotted anywhere near the singer lately. The couple is known to keep their private life hidden from the public, but they’d been spotted strolling around, running errands every once in a while. However, the last time they were seen together was back in July on their trip to LA.

While there hasn’t been any confirmation about the alleged separation, speculations have been thriving about the possible reasons behind the issues. Some even go as far as accusing either the singer or Y/N with cheating.

Thunderclouds are gathering over London when Harry is heading home from the studio. It’s been a long day, but they got a lot done and they might be able to finish with recording earlier than they planned so everyone can have some time off.

As he walks into the empty house he gets rid of his mask and kicks his trainers off, padding his way into the kitchen to get a plate for his dinner he picked up on his way home. He used to eat at the kitchen counter, because Y/N liked to bake or cook so she spent a lot of time in the modern kitchen that was formed entirely to her taste. He loved sitting on a stool and watch her work, they talked about their day and then Harry asked to help, but eventually, she would just tell him to leave, because he could never keep his hands away from her.

Now the kitchen reminds him of her way too much so he avoids spending time there. He pours the pasta to a plate, grabs himself a fork and takes his dinner to the living room, hoping to find something to watch on TV so the house is not entirely silent. He has barely dug into the food when his phone starts ringing on the coffee table. For a second he thinks about ignoring it, but then he catches a glimpse of the caller ID.

Y/N’s smiling picture is displayed on the screen and he barely drops the plate as he snatches the phone and answers the call.

“Y/N, hi!” he breathes out, his heart hammering in his chest. There’s a sniffle on the other end of the call and he switches into alerted mode in an instant. “Y/N? What’s wrong?”

“Harry, can you… Can you please come over?”

He is already up from the couch, the pasta abandoned on the coffee table as he’s running to get his keys and put his shoes back on.

“What happened, talk to me! I’m on my way, just talk to me, alright?”

“Mason is out of town a-and I’m alone and the lights went out,” she explains and Harry doesn’t even need more. He knows she hates the dark and scared to even touch the electrical fuse, she always fears she would get electrocuted. The power used to go out all the time in their previous home and it was always Harry who had to check the fuse while she stood behind him, scared as if he was dealing with a bomb.

“Okay, do you have candles? A torch?” he asks, jumping on one leg as he pulls his trainers back on.

“J-Just my phone.” A thunder is heard from the other end of the call and she exhales shakily.

“Alright, put me on speaker, turn on the light on your phone and sit down on the couch by the window. The lights are on outside on the street?”

“Yes.”

“Okay, then it’s not entirely dark. Great, just hold on and I’ll be there soon.”

They stay in call while Harry jumps into his car and speeds over to her brother’s place that’s your temporary home now. Halfway there the sky opens and rain starts pouring down. Arriving at Mason’s place he jumps out of the car and soaks to the bone in an instant as he runs up to the front door. Y/N opens the door right away and lets him into the dark house.

“I’m sorry f-for calling you, I just didn’t know—“ she starts apologizing immediately, but he just shakes his head, ridding himself of the wet jacket.

“Y/N, it’s okay. I’m glad you called me,” he smiles softly, even though she probably can’t see it in the dark. When he’s kicked his shoes off he runs a hand through his wet curls before turning on the light on his own phone. “Alright, where’s the fuse box?”

“Here, let me show you,” she says and holding her own phone she leads him to a little nook underneath the stairs. It holds a few brooms and cardboard boxes and the fuse box is on the wall across from the door. “Please be careful,” she says as Harry leans closer to take a look at it, holding his light next to his face.

She watches him fumble with the switches, turning back on several ones before the lights finally come back on in the house, relief washing over Y/N.

“There. It’s all good now.” Harry closes the door of the nook and turns off the light on his phone before facing Y/N again. Now he has the chance to look at her, she’s wearing a pair of sweatpants and a t-shirt that was once his, but she stole it from him a long time ago. It makes his heart flutter, knowing that she is still wearing his clothes.

“Thank you,” she breathes out relieved, but then her expression changes. “I’m sorry, I feel so helpless,” she says with a wobbling bottom lip and Harry acts without even thinking.

Stepping closer he takes her face in his hands as he shakes his head at her words.

“You’re not helpless, Y/N. A lot of people are scared of electricity, it’s a dangerous thing.”

“It’s not just about the fuse box,” she whimpers, tears rolling down her face, but he wipes them off right away. “I-I don’t… I hate it…”

“Come on, let’s sit down. It’s okay.”

He pulls her into the living room and they settle on the couch, Harry has wrapped his arms around her and she’s buried her face in his chest. He feels selfish because part of him is enjoying holding her like this, it’s the most physical touch they’ve had in a long time, but then he remembers how shaken up she is and his joy quickly gets pushed into the back of his head.

“It’s okay, baby. Just take a deep breath,” he gently soothes her, running his hand up and down her back and arm until her breathing slows down and she is not fisting his shirt anymore. “Tell me, what got you so upset, hm?”

She remains silent and Harry patiently waits for her to speak up.

“Do you think I’m helpless on my own?” she asks in a weak, quiet voice without lifting her head up from his chest.

“Of course not. Why would you think that of yourself?”

“Because… I can’t even switch the lights back on by myself and I’m an adult.”

“That doesn’t make you helpless. Everyone has things like this, I promise.”

“What’s yours?” she asks, finally lifting her head and looking him in the eyes. Harry hums as he thinks about what he should bring up.

“I don’t use matches, because I’m always afraid the fire might get to my fingers too fast and burn me.”

“Really? You never told that to me,” she says with raised eyebrows and he just shrugs his shoulders.

“Because it’s not that important. Like I said, everyone has fears like this, it’s okay.”

He dares to brush her hair behind her ear and run his fingertips down the side of her face. He can’t believe there was a time when he took these tiny touches for granted, when he could touch her whenever he wanted to without overanalyzing what could go wrong.

She looks him in the eyes and holds his gaze for long moments. Harry is continuously expecting her to move away, to take the privilege of holding her away, but it never comes. He feels like he is the closest to her he has been since she left.

Placing a hand to his thigh she pushes herself up, her nose almost brushing against his and he stops breathing for a moment, thinking it was just coincidence. She’s still looking at him, one hand on his chest, the other one on his thigh while his arms are circled around her frame.

And then she kisses him.

They freeze for a second, both of them caught by surprise by the action, but then time keeps moving and Harry doesn’t waste a second of it as he opens up his lips and kisses her back fiercely, as if he was trying to make up for every missed kiss from the past months.

She moves up, never breaking the kiss, devouring her husband after the starving. She moves around until she is finally straddling his lap and he loses his control, his hands finding her ass, grabbing it hard and making her grind against him. She moans into his mouth and he swears he could come just by the sounds she is making. Her heavy breathing, the soft whimpers, he missed her so much, it’s a miracle he could hold out for this long without her.

He can feel how needy she is, how much she is seeking relief, but his conscious is still there in the back of his mind, telling him to be careful and he knows that if they had sex now, that might trigger her and she would end up pushing him away even more. They can’t take this step until there are so many unsaid things between them, but he wants to please her still.

Holding onto her hips he guides her until her core is pressed against his thigh and he urges her to grind against it.

She moans loudly at the sensation, her head falling back and he takes the opportunity to kiss down the column of her neck, tasting her like she is his last meal. She starts moving on her own and Harry lets her use him however she pleases, all he wants is to satisfy her. His hard cock is bulging in his pants, but he is ignoring his own desires, this moment is about her.

“Feels good, baby? Hmm?” he murmurs into her ear as she keeps grinding against his thigh.

“Yes,” she answers breathlessly, curling her arms around his neck, pressing herself against him tight.

“Use me, I’m all yours,” he growls, feeling satisfied already just by watching her.

The time spent apart seems to have one perk, Y/N’s orgasm comes fast and hard after months of drought, she comes gasping for air, clawing at Harry’s chest and shoulder, her face pressed against his, lips mushed together as he steals a few more sloppy kisses.

There’s a few minutes of bliss, she’s like jelly in his arms, his heart slowly getting back into its normal rhythm. He prays to stay in this moment for as long as possible, it’s the most he has gotten with his wife in months and he doesn’t want it to end.

But the cloud of passion slowly clears out of her head and she realizes what just happened. He can almost see the switch in her as she pushes away from him and climbs off of his lap, moving to the far end of the couch.

“Y/N, don’t shut me—“

“You should leave,” she cuts him off dryly, staring ahead of her.

“Let’s just talk, I can’t—“

“Harry, leave!” she raises her voice, jumping up from the couch, rubbing her face with her hands. “I need to be alone.”

“Don’t shut me out, Y/N. It’s not the end of the world, we’re okay, let’s just talk, please!”

“No,” she shakes her head vigorously. “I-I need to be alone. That’s what I want, I need to figure it out,” she says, but it sounds like she was talking to herself rather than to Harry.

“Figure what out? Just talk to me!” Harry begs her, standing up from the couch, but as soon as he takes a step towards her, she backs away, keeping the distance between them.

“Not now, please not now!” she whispers, a tortured frown on her face.

“If not now, when? I’m trying to be patient, but we just jumped at each other five minutes ago and now you can’t even look at me! I really am trying, but fuck!” he growls, running his hand through his hair that’s got messed up by her finger in the heated moments. “Y/N, we’re married! And you wouldn’t even talk to me anymore! How long are we going to do this?”

“I don’t know,” she whispers, shutting her eyes tight.

Harry takes a few deep breaths, calming himself down and regaining composure before he speaks up again, this time with a lot more control over his voice.

“I’ll go now. But I want answers soon, Y/N. Do you understand me?” She nods.

Harry sigh, rubbing his chin as he walks out of the living room to put his shoes on and leave while Y/N keeps standing in the exact same spot. When he’s got his trainers and jacket on again, he is almost out of the house when he turns back.

“We’re married, I vowed to fight with you. But I can’t do that if I don’t know what I’m supposed to be fighting. I still love you and I would do anything for you, Y/N. Let me be your partner or… Or have the guts to leave me. If you want to divorce just say it. Anything is better than being in the dark.”

And with that, he walks out into the storm, leaving Y/N alone, just like she wanted.

It’s no surprise that Harry doesn’t sleep that night. He doesn’t even go near the bedroom, because he knows it would make him lose his mind. Sleeping there on his own has been hard enough these past months, but after last night… he knew he couldn’t take it.

He paces the floor, fills up dozens of pages in his diary vigorously, leaving notes he can’t even make sense out of minutes later. He turns into a hot mess and when he thinks about the last things he told her, he almost throws up.

Divorce.

He’s been ignoring this word like crazy since Y/N has left, because he simply couldn’t accept it was an option for them. She was and still is the love of his life, there was no chance for him to let them end up with ending their marriage.

But the way she’s been pushing him away actively probably broke something in him after having her so close and then losing her just seconds later. The words left his mouth before he even thought them through and he regretted them the moment he stepped out into the rain. Almost turned around to go back and beg her to forget what he said, but he just left.

By the time the sun comes up Harry feels like he has lost all of his sanity and he knows the only thing that would bring him even just the tiniest bit of peace is if he tells her that he will fight for their marriage and won’t just accept defeat that easily.

It’s barely past seven in the morning when he is throwing on a hoodie he found on the floor of the bedroom and he’s frantically looking for his keys that he angrily threw somewhere upon arriving last night, but his search is interrupted by hearing the front door unlocking. He sprints out into the hallway and almost trips in his own feet when he sees that Y/N just walked in with her own keys.

“Uh, I’m sorry, I thought about ringing the bell, but… it felt weird,” she explains, holding up her keys that still has that pink, fluffy keychain Harry bought her years ago.

“No, of course. It’s your home too,” he nods, still taken aback by her presence. “What—Uh, what can I… Are you…”

“I came to talk,” she says, dropping the keys to the side table and then nervously fidgeting with the sleeves of her jumper.

“Great! Amazing, I was… I was actually about to go over to you as well. Come on in, let’s… I’ll make us tea,” he stutters, heading into the kitchen with Y/N following right behind.

He puts on the kettle and she looks around before settling on one of the stools, watching him move around, grabbing her favorite mug and the kind of tea she loves the most.

“Thank you,” she murmurs, when he hands her the warm drink and takes the stool next to hers. Harry decides to just blurt out everything he’s been piling up since the last time they met, starting off with what he said before leaving.

“I don’t want to get a divorce, Y/N. I’m sorry for what I said, I was just… mad and couldn’t think straight. I hope you don’t want it either, whatever we are going through, I hope we can work on it first before we call it quits.”

He is talking fast and he’s nervously fidgeting with his nails and she sees that they are completely bare. Reaching out she takes one of his hands and takes a better look at them.

“Your nails are not painted,” she observes.

“Because you’re the one who paints them. I don’t want anyone else to do it for me,” he softly says and she seems stunned by his words. Letting go of his hand she clears her throat and drops her own hands into her lap, staring down at them.

“I don’t want to get a divorce,” she then says and Harry feels like he can finally breathe for the first time in months. “But… I need changes.”

“Okay, what kind of changes?” he asks, ready to hear her out and do anything just to have her back. She exhales shakily and he can tell how heavy whatever it is that’s weighing down on her.

“I don’t… I don’t know,” she admits, her eyes tearing up.

“Hey, it’s okay. It’s okay, we can figure it all out.” He slips off his stool and stepping closer he takes her face in his hands, his touch gentle and soft. “Tell me what you know.”

She nods, wetting her lips before taking a deep breath and speaking up again.

“I realized that… I don’t know who I am.” She is talking slow, thinking her words over carefully. “I’ve been Harry Styles’ girlfriend and then wife for so long, I slowly… started to lose myself.”

Sniffing she rubs her eyes before continuing.

“I have been struggling with this for a while, but I couldn’t figure out what exactly this feeling was, I just knew that something was off. We were on the move all the time, traveling the world and don’t get me wrong, I’m grateful for everything I got to experience with you. But… It’s all I’ve been doing and… I had plans.”

“Plans?” Harry asks.

“Like, before we met, I wanted to go to college. I wanted to learn and get a degree, but then I met you and we became serious so fast that I felt like I had to follow you to make it work. And… I got stuck in it and put everything else on hold. Now it’s been over seven years and I’ll be thirty soon and didn’t do anything that I wanted before. But then I thought about it… and I realized that I’m not even sure I want them anymore.”

Harry can feel a whirlwind of emotions raging inside him, listening to her, but he keeps his mouth shut and lets her tell everything at once before he speaks.

“I started to question everything. I had to realize that I have no idea what I want, I’ve been just going with the flow for years and I couldn’t even tell anymore who I was. I was the mysterious girl Harry Styles was dating and then I was known as your girlfriend and then your wife… I wasn’t my own person. I was always just Harry Styles’ someone.”

She takes a deep breath, wiping away a tear that escaped her eye before she carries on.

“Don’t get me wrong, I love being with you, I love you, more than anything. But I started to feel like I was just a… carry-on luggage, someone added to you and not an individual above all. Then you brought up trying for a baby and I think it triggered me. I was afraid that I would just become the mother of your child and lose the last pieces of myself, so I did the first thing that came to my mind. I ran.”

She looks up at him and sees how broken he is over her words, finally hearing what you’ve been struggling with all this time.

“Why didn’t you tell me, Y/N? Why didn’t you talk to me about all of these?” he asks in a whisper.

“Because I felt ashamed,” she sighs. “I’m living this amazing life, I travel the world with you, anyone would be lucky to live a life like ours and I’m here…” Her voice dies down and a sob escapes her lips. Harry moves out of instinct, cradling her in his arms as she buries her face into his chest. “I’m here whining about it. I hate myself for this,” she cries into his hoodie.

“It’s okay, baby,” he murmurs softly, holding her tight in his embrace.

“I’m so sorry, Harry. I don’t know what’s happening to me,” she sobs uncontrollably, fisting his hoodie, holding onto him for dear life.

“I know. It’s alright. Come on, let’s lie down, I bet you didn’t sleep much either, hm? Let’s just get you to bed, you’re barely holding yourself up.”

He softly helps her off the stool and the two of them head up to the bedroom he avoided all night long, but returning with her in his arms feels more right than anything ever before. He sits her to the edge of the mattress and then helps her get comfortable before walking around the bed and taking his usual side. She moves over to him in an instant, her whole body gravitating towards his warmth and he welcomes her in his embrace again gladly, holding her wrapped tight in his arms, right where he thinks she belongs.

“Do you think I’m crazy?” she croaks out, her head lying on his chest that’s rising and falling in a soothing rhythm.

“No. Not at all. I just wish you talked to me instead of fleeing.”

“I thought I had to think things through away from you,” she admits.

“Why? Are you scared to talk to me?” Harry asks, his heart breaking at the thought of his own wife not trusting him enough to tell him what’s been bothering her.

“I’m not scared. I just… I honestly don’t know. I was afraid I would just talk myself out of it and dig myself deeper into this hole… I was afraid that I would want to please you so badly, I would agree to anything.”

“Like having a baby,” Harry adds, mostly disappointed in himself that he didn’t notice a thing of what was happening right in front of his nose.

He should have thought about her, she’s been bending her own life around his since the very beginning, always the one to work her schedule to fit his and he never even questioned it. He’s been a selfish bastard. He remembers her telling him about wanting to go to college when they first met, but then she didn’t mention it again and he just assumed she changed her mind. He assumed way too many things. That traveling around the world is all she wanted, that she was fine with the way she’s been perceived by the public, that she was fine with living the life he chose but she was just pushed into. So many things that he just turned a blind eye to, only because he loved having her with him all the time.

He feels like he failed as a husband, a partner, a lover.

“I do want to have a baby with you, Harry,” she speaks up, pulling him out of his self-deprecating thoughts. “But I don’t think I could be a good mother when I’m so lost about myself.” Her words turn into another sob as she starts crying again and Harry tightens his hold around her.

“It’s okay. We’ll figure it out. You need to rest, we can talk more when you wake up,” he breathes out, placing a soft kiss to the crown of her head. She doesn’t protest or tries to talk more, and only minutes later Harry notices her body relaxing, her breathing evening.

She fell asleep.

Though Harry could use some sleep himself too, he can’t get his eyes to even close. He lies awake for god knows how long until he carefully gets out of bed, tucks her in and heads downstairs to let Y/N get some rest while he is raking his mind for an excuse why he let all of this happen knowing well he won’t find any.

He has never felt more ashamed in his life and it’s been like several slaps across his face, listening to everything Y/N just shared with him. He let his wife suffer alone and didn’t notice a thing for so long, while he happily lived his rockstar life and dragged her along without second guessing.

Hours pass by and she is still asleep when Harry decides to call Sarah. He sits by the kitchen counter, leaning onto the countertop as he holds the phone to his ear with a permanent frown on his face.

“Hey, what’s up?” she answers the phone and he immediately hears James’ playful babbling in the background.

“So you have a minute to talk?” he asks, not wanting to interrupt on precious family time.

“Of course, give me a sec.” She tells something to probably Mitch before moving to a different room where she can talk comfortably. “Alright, I’m listening.”

“I fucked up, Sarah, and I didn’t even notice a thing.”

Sarah stays silent on the other end of the call before speaking up.

“She told you.”

“Yeah. We had… Some things happened last night and in the heat of the moment I told her to have the guts to tell me if she wants a divorce. I didn’t mean it, so I was getting ready to go over and talk to her in the morning when she showed up here and told me everything. Now I feel like the biggest idiot in the world and I have no idea how to make it right.”

“Do you want my honest advice and opinion?”

“Of course.”

“Okay. Don’t make it about yourself. Yes, you made mistakes, she did too by not speaking up, but this is about her. What you just said, I only heard you talk about yourself. Focus on how you can help her finding herself and getting comfortable in her own life again instead of putting yourself into the spotlight.”

And just like that, it’s another slap across his face again. He knows Sarah is right and that she just gave him a pill that’s probably the hardest to swallow. He can’t turn this on him, he needs to put all his energy into helping Y/N find her peace again.

“You’re right,” he whispers, closing his eyes.

“I know it’s hard. She is going through a crisis where she is questioning all of her decisions, even the ones she made about you. But it’s normal and you’ll just have to support her through it, let her figure it all out without bringing yourself into the equation. You’ve been the center of her life for almost a decade, you have to accept that might change a little, but that doesn’t mean she won’t love or need you anymore.”

“Fuck, Sarah, when did you become a therapist?” he chuckles sadly, her words weighing on his chest heavily. “Did you go through something like this too?”

“Kind of. It’s hard to keep in touch with yourself when so much is happening around you. I had my own doubts about Mitch and our life too, but here I am, happily married with a baby. You’ll get through it too, you love each other and that’s all that matters.”

“Thank you, Sarah.”

They talk a little more before her mom duties call her. Harry takes some time to reflect on everything he’s learned and tries his best to get himself into the right mindset to start this long process he is facing.

When Y/N wakes up he is right next to her, sitting against the headboard, scrolling on his phone. When he sees her sleepy face, he puts the phone aside and lies down on his side to face her.

“You didn’t sleep?” she asks groggily, rubbing her eyes.

“No. I had a lot to think about.”

She opens her mouth, but then closes, scooting closer to him.

“I’m so sorry, H. I didn’t react the right way and should have talked to you instead of running away.”

“Don’t apologize. We… we both made mistakes. We should talk about how we could move forward, yeah?”

She nods.

“First of all… Do you think you’re ready to come home? I really… I miss you, Y/N.”

“I miss you too and I want to come home. I thought I would be able to think clearer if I’m away from you, but it’s been hell.”

“Alright,” he nods relieved. “We can get your stuff today and move it all back.”

“That would be amazing,” she smiles weakly.

“I talked to Jeff while you were asleep. I can’t cancel the upcoming tour, but we talked about a longer break afterwards.”

“How long?”

“However much time we need, baby.”

“I don’t want to keep you away from your career.”

“You are my priority, Y/N. You spend years of your life dedicated to me. If I have to take time off from my career to make sure you’re okay… I won’t hesitate for a moment.”

“B-But I still don’t know what I should do…”

“It’s okay. We will figure it out and then I’ll make sure we can do whatever we have to do.”

She is touched by the way Harry is treating her. She was afraid she did irreversible damage to their relationship by leaving, but here he is, being so patient and accepting with her even after she shut him out so violently.

Moving closer she kisses him to show her gratitude, they wrap around each other, feeling contented that they are finally reunited. It’s all they both have been yearning for and this is where they belong.

“I love you,” she whispers against his lips.

“I love you too,” he hums back. “I want to make you happy Y/N. That’s all I want, let me make you happy.”

“I’m happy when I’m with you. I just need to be happy with myself too.”

“Let me help you with that. You’re my everything, baby. Let me take care of you the way you always take care of me. I will always love you and nothing can change that.”

She just quietly nods, swallowing back a few of her tears before pressing her lips against his again and again and again, making up for all the time they lost.

Harry Styles is making a comeback!

The thirty years old singer is finally back in the business after spending two years away from the spotlight. When Styles announced his break from work in 2022 fans were terrified it’s going to be another never ending hiatus that ended One Direction back in the days. The singer wrote a heartfelt note to his dedicated fans that was posted on his Instagram, which has been silent ever since, talking about taking time to focus on his private life, family and friends. The announcement came right after he finished touring his third studio album and rumors were spreading about his marriage before he hit the road, talking about alleged cheating and a possible divorce from his longtime lover, Y/N Y/L/N.

However, the couple debunked those theories when Y/L/N was caught joining Styles on the first part of his tour. A source close to them confirmed that she returned to London earlier than her husband to enroll into King’s College London and start her bachelor studies.

The couple was caught several times during the singer’s hiatus strolling around London alone or with friends, seemingly making the best out of their time off duty. Styles has not made any official appearances since his last show and word has been traveling around the internet that even when he comes back, he will be slowing things down, making more time for his family.

At midnight last Monday a countdown showed up on his official website, followed by his first ever post on his Instagram since his break. It has not been confirmed, whether it’ll be a new album or just a single, but it’s been enough for fans to wake up from hibernation and pull out their colorful boas from their closet. The countdown is expected to hit zero at four pm on Friday. Stay tuned to find out more about the latest news about Britain’s number one man!

Thank you for reading, please like and reblog if you enjoyed and buy me a coffee if you want to support me!

[lunajay33]

New World🍂Part.10

Summary: You grew up in a crappy town with one friend who kept you going, everything started to fall into place, that’s until the world ended and the dead ruled the world, now you and your best friend Daryl Dixon had to stay alive but will you finally confess?

Warnings: This chapter contains light sh if you’re not comfortable don’t interact

Part.9

•Masterlist•

I tried to go through the day like normal, working around the prison, helping where I can especially with Judith, having her in my arms gave me a little piece of what I had in my dreams, imagining her as Daryl’s and mine, Daryl brown hair, gorgeous light blue eyes, one that I could coddle at night and claim her as my own, but that dream was ripped away when someone would come and take her for their turn watching her

Maggie had came a few minutes ago and taken her gently from my arms, it felt like my heart would pull away with her everytime, and now what? I just go on like usual with this pain consistently play over in my head, I want that baby, I want her with me, I want Juniper to grow up and be happy but it’s not real and it might never be

I decided to go out to hopefully clear my head a bit, get some fresh air, I saw Daryl’s bike and sat on it as opposed to the hard dirty ground, I looked through the field seeing Daryl and Glenn and Carol taking down some walkers at the fence, he was so amazing everything he’s done, all the memories of him trying to cheer me up even as a kid and I knew he’d be great with a baby but he said we can’t and I don’t wanna push him but keeping this feeling to myself is unbearable I just need to cry about it, and I needed him to help me get over this intense sadness that plagued my mind

Daryl came walking up to the prison once they took out the majority of the walkers, noticing me on his bike

“Yer looking pretty there sunshine” he said running his hand through my hair

“Can I talk to you?” I asked playing with the ends of his sleeveless shirt

“M’kay” he grumbled as he took my waist moving me further back in the bike so he could sit facing me, a weird seating situation but it wasn’t uncomfortable and him being close helped, he placed his hands on my thighs and rubbed reassuringly

“What’s going on?” And that question let damn that was holding my tears back, break wide open, I was a blubbering mess

“Sunshine yer scarin me” he said bringing my head into his chest

“Remember how I asked you yesterday about kids?” I finally managed to say

“Ya”

“I had a dream….where we had our little life together, I was home after teaching waiting for you to come home, I had made your favorite meal and when you got home I cleaned all the dirt and oil off you, then me you and our little baby girl had supper together, and I was so happy Daryl she was beautiful she looked just like you…..her name was Juniper, but then you told me none of it was real and…….and we’d never get to have that life together, that it was ripped away from us before we even got a chance” I was hiccuping and I knew I was screaming crying that other could hear, it just hurt so much

Daryl was now holding my face looking me in my red eyes from crying so hard

“It hurts, I wanted so much with you, I dreamed of it everyday when we were younger until this stupid shit ruined it, I just wanted you to be happy with me for once”

“Baby, I love ya, yer the only thing I ever need, I won’t lie and say I never thought of that life with ya cause I have, ta have a family and grow old together, but I still have ya and ya still have me, ya can’t give up on us cause we’re lucky we managed ta survive together and I didn’t lose ya, I’m sorry baby” he said his voice wavering

“I’m sorry I’m being so dramatic D, I just needed to talk about it” he leaned in and kissed my tears away then my lips

“Ya don’t gotta be sorry and it ain’t dramatic, yer my girl but I promise ya we’ll be happy again, I’m happy where ever ya are”

“You’re my home Daryl, I love you”

“I love ya too”

That night I slept a bit better, knowing I would have Daryl there with me when I woke up, I still wasn’t going to give up hope that one day we still might get that dream but for now I’m happy I atleast have Daryl here who somehow still loves me

~2 weeks later~

A lot of things happened over two weeks, Maggie and Glenn got taken by this guy named to governor and now a few of us were going to get them with the help of this woman named Michonne, we were able to get them out and now we were on the side of the road taking a break

“Merle is not coming home with us” Glenn groaned

“We can’t leave ‘im” Daryl said

“Do you know what he did to us, he’s not coming”

“Then I’m going with him” Daryl said standing next to Merle

“I’m going with you too then” I said going over to him

“Nah yer stayin at the prison yer safe there” he said squeezing my shoulders

“No daryl please don’t leave me” I said feeling my stomach tighten in sickness and nerves

“I can’t leave ‘im out here alone”

“But what about us? You promised” I cried clenching his shirt

“I’ll find ya again sunshine” and with that he was gone, he left me and now I was alone, ya I had everyone at the prison but it’s not the same

I watched him go getting smaller and smaller within the trees till he was just gone, Maggie managed to drag me back to the truck and we drove back to the prison, I felt numb, I told him I needed him and he said he needed me and he just left, was it worth it anymore to live without him

When we got back I went straight to one of the watch towers, the tower where Daryl and I would take watch together, spend alone time together peacefully but now it just felt empty and quiet

The day got dark and I was watching the stars appear, Daryl taught me once all the constellations, we were 16 and sitting out in a field waiting for a comet show

“That one is Orion, and that one there is the Big Dipper” he said pointing out that sparkly dots in the sky

I looked at him with so much adoration, he was beautiful then to me as much as he was now, maybe one day we’d be in the stars together side by side, not a trouble in the world to bother us

I took out my switch blade that Daryl gave me many years ago and sighed out a breath, this made me feel weak but he’s gone and with Merle and I know how he is with Merle, he’ll always stick by his side and if Glenn refuses to have Merle here then Daryl will never come back

The blade hurt my hips but not as much as how my heart felt, it took away the pain for a second it distracted me but it never lasted, I eventually fell asleep crying myself into exhaustion

I was sat with Juniper on my lap grabbing at my shirt playfully and babbling and I couldn’t help but smile by heart so full until Daryl took her from me

“We’re gone now y/n, you’ll never get what you once wanted”

“No please don’t leave, I need you both…..please daryl”

“It’s too late, you’re alone”

I woke up gasping for air turning to confide and cuddle in to Daryl like I usually did after a nightmare but when I turned it was cold, bringing me back to the reality that he was right in the nightmare, he was really gone and took all my hopes and dreams with him

Part.11

Lmk you’re thoughts on this chapter in the comments

Taglist: @deansapplepie @ghostboneswrites2 @willowshadenox @thebadbatch2022 @writer-ann-artist @i-wear-wet-socks313

[justanamesstuff]

All I Need

♥ JUST MARRIED ♥

A/N: after months (sorry) i bring you THE PROPOSAL + WEDDING of these two...I hope you like it guys <333

Warnings: none, pure fluff

Word counting: 4.2 K

Blog MASTERLIST - All I Need MASTERLIST

Thinking about it…

Matty took the middle-sized box from the back of his drawer. It took a lot of old memories back. Thinking about his time before having the kids or meeting Y/n felt surreal. 

After moving a few pieces his hand landed on the even smaller box it was strategically hidden so if Y/n snooped there —not that she ever went through his stuff but just in case– she couldn’t find it. 

Matty felt a wave of sadness overtaking him, so he had to sit on his bed. His Nana was –literally– imprinted on his skin, although, he thought about her even now and then. He had been doing it a lot more since, specially Amelia, the kids started asking about his mother’s parents as well as his father’s parents. Mel was learning about families at school, and she was a very curious little girl. Matty loved to have full conversations with her and Arthur at the moment. They did talk about his Nana a lot of times.

The singer slowly opened the box, revealing before his eyes the silver band. Carefully he took it out to examinate it. She passed it down to him before getting really ill. Matty considered it a treasure. It wasn’t exactly a ring designed to propose marriage, although he wanted to give Y/n something special, something meaningful, since she was indeed the most amazing person he had ever met and also the person that gave him two amazing children. 

“Daddy?” Amelia interrupted him, showing up at the door of his room. Matty’s heart jumped, thinking –at first–she was Y/n. He closed his eyes, trying to stabilize his breathing. 

“Mel-mel?” he asked, keeping his back towards her. 

Amelia opened the door fully, staring at her dad’s form. “What do you have there? Chocolate?” she asked, excited about the idea of candy.

Matty chuckled, “No,” he turned around, still keeping the ring away from her eyes. “No chocolate, missy.” he smiled at her turning slightly. 

“What then?” 

Matty doubted about it for a minute, finally agreeing with himself to share the secret with her, “come here, baby.” he instructed, moving his hand signalling her to come closer. “Leave the door half open, please.” 

Amelia did as she was told, moving to sit beside her dad on the bed. 

“Look.” he opened his hand, showing the ring resting on his palm. Amelia looked at it and then up to his face, Matty saw the doubt in her eyes. “This was my Nana’s ring.”

“Oh!” Amelia exclaimed, opening her eyes wide. “Can I…” she started asking.

“Yes, be careful, okay?” Matty warned Mel. 

Amelia kept silence, holding the silver band between her tinny hands. Her curious eyes following the complicated patterns along it.  “What are these?” she inquired, her sight not leaving the ring. “Are flowers?”

“Yes, closer to roses but not exactly.”

“So pretty.” she exclaimed in a whisper. Mel carefully extended her hand, retuning the ring to his dad. “Can I have it?” she asked, making him chuckled.

“No.‘Cause…” Matty started slowly. “I want to give it to your mom.” he smirked, thinking about Y/n wearing it. 

“As a gift?”

“No exactly, baby.” he let his left arm engulfed her. Together they stared at the little item in front of them. “I want to ask mommy to marry me.”

“Why?” her question so genuine to her nature.

“Because I love her, and I want to spend my entire life with her.”

“Ok.”

“What? Don’t you think it is a good idea?” Amelia shrugged her arms. “Do you know that at weddings, people serve cake?”

“Chocolate cake?” Mel jumped in her place.

“We can choose chocolate cake.”

“When are you going to ask mommy then?”

“I’m not sure, baby.” 

“Matty?” Y/n called from downstairs, scaring father and child.

“Shit- You haven’t heard that!” Amelia laughed. “Don’t tell mom.” he begged, going to hide the box. “What?” he shouted louder so Y/n could hear him

“Can you tidy the kitchen as you promised?”

“Coming, my love.” he answered. “Not a word to anyone, Mel.” he took her little hand between his hands. 

Amelia made a signal sipping her mouth. 

“I love you.” Matty left a kiss on her head.

“Love you, daddy.”

***************************************

The actual proposal…

Matty was about to rip his hair off trying to think the perfect proposal for Y/n. 

Fancy dinner out? Not an option, she would leave him for that. 

Anything remotely big and scandalous? Not a chance. 

Okay, simple then, but when? Where?

He didn’t want to start asking his friends or family because they’d know what was happening, and Matty wanted to keep it a secret until he actually bent his knee. 

Matty continued debating herself in silence, waiting for Y/n to come from upstairs. It was her ‘bedtime’ turn that night.

“Matty?” Y/n snapped her fingers in front of his eyes, startling him back to the present moment.

“What?”

“What?” she asked back, placing her hands on her waist, standing in front of him. “You weren’t listening to me!”

Matty opened and closed his eyes quickly. “I’m sorry, baby.” he brushed off her hands softly, replacing her hands with his around her waist. He brought her closer, hiding his face on her belly. Y/n softened with his actions, letting her fingers comb his wild curls.

“What’s going on, huh?” she wanted to know. Y/n’s boyfriend stayed in silence. “Shit…tell me this is not a new drama.” Y/n leaned backwards, searching for his face.

“No, no…” Matty shook his head. “Nothing like that.”

“Then what?” Y/n insisted.

Matty looked up to her eyes, “Can’t tell you.” 

“Why you can’t?” she stared back, a little hurt. 

“I-”

“The band?”

“No.”

“The label.”

“No.”

“Matty, you’re scaring me.”

“‘s nothing wrong. I- Shit- I was, I’m…” he was making little sense.

“Matty, please. Something is clearly bothering you….you’ve been like this for weeks. I tried not to think too much about it, but I’m really worried. Do you want to leave me?”

“Of course not, Y/n! Why would you think that?”

“I don’t know. You’re not speaking to me…and I-”

“Fuck, okay. I’ll tell you, but I need to get something really quick.”

“Are you going out?” Matty stood from the couch.

“No. Just upstairs, okay?” Matty said before pecking her lips and disappearing. 

Y/n lay down against the cushions, thinking about all the possibilities, but Matty ran back minutes after, interrupting her train of thoughts. 

“I’m back.” Matty announced, staring at her eyes closed. “Baby?”

“Yes.” Y/n turned her head slightly to look at him. 

She noticed his hands were hidden behind his back.

“Okay, this is it.” he whispered to himself. “Remember how I always tell you that since the first moment we meet I’ve been in love with you?” this time he talked to Y/n. 

“Yes?” she said, sceptical. “What have you done?” folding her arms, ready for him to say, he had broke something or let the kids do something they weren't supposed to. 

“I’ll do it the rest of my life,” he continued with his speech. “Although, I want to do it at your side. I want to spend the rest of my life with you and the kids.”

“Yes, that’s my plan too, Matty. What are you on about?” Y/n pushed her body forward, invested in the conversation. 

“Shit- This is coming all out wrong…maybe I should've written a song…”

“Matthew!” Y/n snapped him out of his spiral of anxiety.

“Right, right. Fuck.” Matty approached her, showing her his hands holding the little box.

“What do you have there?” 

Matty sank into his knees, making Y/n gasped.

“Matty?”

“Do you want to marry me, Y/n Y/l/n?” Matty inquired, opening the box.

Y/n placed her hands on top of Matty’s. 

“Yes. Of course, yes!” she answered to his question, taking the box, crying in the process. 

Together they opened the little item.

“I know it doesn’t scream engagement ring, but this was my Nana’s ring.” Matty took it out. 

“Baby…”

“I want you to have it.” Matty stated, placing the ring on her ring finger.

“Fuck, Healy.”

“Not the response I’d been picturing inside my mind but-”

“Shut up!” Y/n stopped his teasing. “I love you so much, Matthew Timothy Healy.” she said, taking his face, bringing it closer to hers.

“Now this feels like I’m in trouble.”

“Oh, you’re in so much trouble, mister.” Y/n said before kissing him. 

—----------------------------------------------------------------------------------

One month after the proposal 

By that time, everyone inside their close circle was aware of the wedding happening as soon as possible. 

That specific day, Matty was in the house’s studio working, and the kids were with his brother, Louis. Grace and Y/n were looking at venues, flowers, and all kind of things for the wedding. Matty walked away from them an hour before, saying he had to work or either the boys would kick him out of the band or something dramatic. He wanted to be there for every detail and not pressure Y/n with everything, it was their wedding at the end. Y/n tried to reassure him it was okay, but it was hard to convince the stubborn singer. 

Grace and Y/n were staring directly at the screen researching about wine, when Y/n started to feel dizzy. She blamed the long hours they had been spent watching stuff in her computer. Y/n tried hard to fight it, but it didn’t go away.

“Fuck.” she closed her eyes, trying to stabilize herself.

“What?” Grace asked, worried. 

“My head is spinning.”

“Okay, that’s our cue to stop for now.”

“No, I-”

“Nah, to the couch…now!”

Y/n did as Grace told her. She didn’t spend five minutes there when a new wave of sickness surprised her. Y/n ran to the bathroom, with Grace following close behind. 

When she stopped puking, Grace stared at her eyes without saying a word but with a knowing look.

“What?” Y/n said.

“Nothing, memories.”

Y/n rested her back into the cold wall, closing her eyes she asked, “Which ones?” 

“Nothing comes to mind?” and Y/n knew what Grace was thinking. 

“Shut up, Grace. It’s impossible.”

“Yeah, you said the same last time…” Y/n’s friend exposed her. “and the time before that one.”

“No, I can’t. The wedding is a few months away.”

Matty walked inside the bathroom after hearing the loud bickering, finding them sitting there. “What’s wrong?” he asked, looking between them, focusing on Y/n’s pale face. 

“Y/n’s puking.” Grace accused her.

“Thanks a lot, Grace.”

“Are you okay, baby?” Matty sat beside his girlfriend

“Mhm, I’m afraid we have to postpone the wedding, Matty.” Y/n looked into his eyes, weakly. 

“What? Don’t you-”

She interrupted before he could think more options.“I think I’m pregnant again.”

“What?”

“Be right back, guys.” Grace exited the house with the plan of buying pregnancy tests for her friend.

“How sure are you?” Matty stoked her hair back. 

“Pretty sure now.” Y/n admitted. “My period had been missing for weeks”

“Why didn’t you tell me?”

“Thought it was a false alarm.”

“Y/n…”

She scrunched her face, “I’m really dizzy to think about this.” Matty chuckled, touching her flat belly.

“Okay. Let’s wait for Grace then.” he said to them both, touching Y/n face, caressing her sweetly.

***********

All positive tests. Matty, Y/n and Grace stood inside the small bathroom looking at the sticks on the sink. 

“Okay, this gives us enough time to find the wine the ratty wants.” Grace said.

“Grace.” Y/n warned her.  

Meanwhile, Matty finally took in the idea of a 3rd baby. “Love…” he whispered, embracing Y/n. 

“I know.” Y/n couldn’t help to start crying. “I can’t believe it.”

“Another baby.”

“Can I be the godmother?” Grace interrupted.

“Course not.” Matty cut her, kissing Y/n shortly. 

Y/n stared instantly down at her belly when Matty placed a hand securely on her –still– flat belly. 

Another baby.

—-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Two years later…

As soon as Ruth was old enough to attend and participate in her parent's wedding, Matty and Y/n finally decided the closest date to finally marry. To say that everyone cheered more than the first time they found out speaks for itself.

The night before the big day

“I miss you.” Matty said from the other end of the line.

Y/n hold the blankets of her hotel room higher to cuddle inside. “Haven’t enjoyed your bachelors party?” she inquired, teasing him a little.

“Yes, but I was ready to get in bed with my future wife.”

“Who would’ve thought the big rock star of the century…the problematic…”

“I’m not that any more, I don’t want to either. I need you, inside our bed, in our house with the babies.”

“I do miss them so much.” Y/n admitted 

Matty protested, “No me, then?”

“Yes, I miss you a lot, handsome…but I miss my babies too.”

“I’m your first baby.”

“No, Mel is.” Matty scoffed, keeping the teasing going. 

“I can’t wait for tomorrow.” Y/n changed the direction of the conversation.

“Me too.”

“What if we go and get married right now?” Matty blurbed out the idea.

“Matty, we’ve been waiting years…it’s only a few more hours.”

“I know, I know...but-”

“Sleep, now, Healy.” Y/n instructed. “Can you keep the line going until I feel asleep?”

“Everything for you, wifey.”

“Almost.”

“I don’t need papers.” Matty remind her.

Y/n rolled her eyes, even when he couldn’t see her. “Shut up.”

“I love you.”

“I love you so much, my dear.”

Matty kept rumbling about a quick wedding, until the rhythmic breathing from Y/n side reached his ear, which made him smile a little.

Wedding day

The grooms room 

“Looking dashing as always, Archie!” Ross complimented him. 

“Thanks ‘os.” the little boy giggled due to his godfather’s words.

Matty walked out from the bathroom, asking right away, “How much longer?” to Adam.

“One hour, mate.” the guitarist said for the hundred time in only twenty minutes. 

“Fuck.” he swore and right away heard an ‘oh’ coming from his son. “Sorry! Don’t tell mom.” 

“Fuck.” Arthur repeated, making the entire room laugh.

Matty realized his mistake, adding a “Shit.”

Encouraged by the room, Archie copied again his father’s words, “Shit.”

The room bursted into a group laugh, although before Matty could protest or add another word he wasn’t supposed to say in front of the kids, his mother came through the room’s door.

“Where’s my son?” Denise asked the room.

Being the closer in distance to her, Louis pointed out to Matty’s form standing closer to a window. “Over there.” Louis

“How’s he?” 

Ross joined the conversation, “He’s very anxious.” 

“Do you know that I can still hear you?” Matty reminded them in an exasperated voice.

“What’s wrong Matty?” Denise approached him, sensing his nerves. 

Matty breathed out, “I need to see her. This is worse than being miles way from home. She’s right there.” he pointed with his hand to the other room.

“It’s just one hour.” Denise rearranged his tie, patting his chest. 

“I know but-”

“What’s an hour compared to the rest of your life, Matthew?” his mother spoke the right words. The words he needed to hear right there and then. 

“Right, right.” 

The brides room

Y/n stepped outside the separated room, walking towards her mother, Grace, Denise, and the rest of the bridesmaids. The reaction was unanimous, a general gasp travelled around the room. 

Y/n waited for someone to speak, but the room fell into an intense silence, until Mel stepped towards her mother.

“Mommy, you look really beautiful.” she said, looking up at her eyes. Y/n held the strong urge to burst into tears. 

“Thank you, my love.” 

“You look amazing, Y/n.” Grace approached her, holding Ruth in her arms. “Marry me instead?” 

Y/n rolled her eyes, breaking some tension on her body. “Shut up, Grace.”

Denise and Y/n’s mother shared a couple of tears and a few tissues before approaching the bride. 

Little bit after, the photographer urged Y/n and all women inside the room to exit the room so they can take pictures before the sun disappeared completely. 

The moment was closer and closer. 

The ceremony

Matty turned around when the melody –him and G worked for ages to marvelled it for that exact moment– reached his ears. The presents stayed sited, meanwhile Amelia showed up at the end of the long aisle holding on one hand the box with her parent’s. Amelia stood for a few seconds –waiting for the time of the song, she was supposed to start walking–, sporting a dress similar to the bridesmaids one but with a different style. She kept Ruth closer to her left side, holding her tiny hand, and on her other side Arthur fixed his eyes on her older sister, waiting for her to start the march. 

When the beat was right, Mel started making her way towards Matty and Ross, who officiated as the chief of ceremony. Ruth and Arthur tried their best to follow her. 

Matty didn’t wait a second to approached his children when they were a few meters away from him. 

“Hi, guys.” he kneeled down, forgetting the surroundings. 

A chorus of shy hellos reached Matty’s ears, making him incredible emotional. 

“Do you have something for me, mel-mel?” the singer asked, forcing Amelia to look up at him while she extended the box, nodding repeatedly. “Thank you, baby.”

“You’re welcome, daddy.” 

Matty took a look to each one of their faces, until he broke, saying, “come here.” embracing the three children into a thigh hug.

“Go with grandma, okay?” he encouraged them and they obeyed. 

After the children stood beside Denise and Susanne, Matty returned to his place on the altar, surrounded by the flowers Y/n and him picked for it. He rearranged his tie and his blazer, sensing how Ross placed a comforting hand on his shoulder while the bridesmaids and grooms men walked to their places. George and Charli threw him a knowing look and smiles, meanwhile Grace showed him her tongue in a cheeky action that made him laugh out loud. 

The music changed its tempo and Matty knew it was the time. As if time stopped, he watched Y/n walked down the aisle with her arm hocked on Adam’s bicep. She had asked him if he would do the honour since his father wasn’t there to do it, and he said yes right away. The presents stood up, wanting to look at the gorgeous bride. 

Matty realized he was crying when he heard Ruth cry. He turned a minute away from Y/n to check she was alright, which his future wife copied. The little girl distress was a reaction to see him cry. Denise made a weird sign around her face, but he understood and dried them quickly. Ruth was too young to understand those were happy tears. 

Matty stepped down the altar, coming closer to Y/n and Adam. He kept his eyes on Y/n, smiling at her, until Adam patted his back.

“Take care of her, or I’ll kick your ass. You know that we like her and the kids more than you.” Adam teased him, maintaining a sterned look on his face.

“I know, I will. I promise.”

“All the best, guys.” the guitarist said, after hugging Y/n for half a second. 

“Thanks, Adam.”

“Thanks, mate.”

Once Adam was gone, Matty took her hands on his. He sensed her body trembling. 

“You look amazing, my love.” 

“Not more than you, handsome.” 

“Shall we?”

“Please.”

*****************

The ceremony was short.  Ross started saying a few sweet words and embarrassing them both to lighten the mood. The breeze brushed against the flowers, making them dance all around them and turning the evening into a magic one.

“Who wants to start saying their vows?”

“Me!” Y/n shouted, making the crowd laugh. 

“Ladies first.”

“Only because I know they aren’t as good as yours, since you do this for a living.” Y/n admitted, reaching for the paper that Grace extended for her. “Okay, Matthew...Matty, my love.”

“Yes, dear.”

“Shut up and listen.” Matty did as he was told, holding a belly laugh, while friends and family reacted as expected. “I think it’s important that I start telling you that I love you, Matty Healy. Maybe it didn’t happen right since the very first start, but I don’t care. We don’t believe in the tales we used to read or watch when we were children about the perfect story. 

“Ours was a mess, and I’ll do it all again if this is the end. You and I together against everything, and with our babies very close to us. I love you, Matty. I love every single part of you…I want to continue until the end of our days and so beyond holding your hand, loving you daily. Even though, I hate when you wake me up every time an idea for a melody or half of a lyric pops into your curly head, I won’t change it for anything in this world. The way you are as a partner and as a father to our children is a part not everyone gets to witness, and I wish I’ll be always there to do it.” 

“Thanks for never stop fighting for us even in the hardest moments and for holding me every time that I’ve needed it. I love you, Matty.”

“Okay.” Ross interrupted before Matty could say a word or hold Y/n further than just her hand. “Your turn, mate.”

Matty dried his tears for a second time that night. “You left me speechless, baby. As always…” he talked directly into her eyes. “What I can tell you that you don’t know, Y/n? You know me better than anyone, sometimes you know me better than myself, and that’s a lot. What I can tell you that I haven’t put into the songs I write thinking about you and that are for you?” 

“You came into my life to change it completely, baby. I fell hard and bad for you…my heart didn’t stand a chance, how would it? Y/n, you’re the most amazing thing that has ever happened to me beside the guys and our kids…our babies, as you said…you gave me the honour to be their father, to grow a family. Before you, I thought I was incapable of it…and so much more. I know you don’t like to hear this, but you made me a better man and a better person. Without you, nothing has meaning, my love. Without you beside me, telling me that you love me, I don’t know how to live. So please, make me lucky for the rest of my poor existence and say yes…yes to take me as your husband, yes to love me forever, yes to the bright future we have in front of us…that’s all I need to hear, Y/n.” 

****

Ross started asking Matty, "Matthew Timothy, do you take this woman to be your wife, to live

together in matrimony, to love her, to honour her, to comfort her, and to keep her

in sickness and in health, forsaking all others, for as long as you both shall live?"

"I do." Matty stated, smiling while holding Y/n’s hands. 

The bassist turned to look at Y/n, "Y/f/n Y/s/n, do you take this man to be your husband, to live together in matrimony, to love him, to honour him, to comfort him, and to keep

him in sickness and in health, forsaking all others, for as long as you both shall live?"

Y/n said, "I do."

“Now, Matty.” Ross continued the ceremony. "Repeat after me."

"I, Matthew,”

“I, Matthew,”

“take you Y/n, to be my wife, to have and to hold from this day forward, for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish, till death do us part."

So Matty repeated staring into Y/n eyes. They maintained the eye contact until Y/n took her turn to repeat the words Ross said. 

“Matty.” his friend interrupted, taking his attention, offering the little box Amelia brought. “Place the ring on Y/n's finger and to repeat the following, I give you this ring as a token and pledge of our constant faith and abiding love." 

Matty spoke out loud for everyone to hear his words, placing the ring on Y/n fingers with all the delicacy. Ross urged Y/n to copy Matty’s actions on the other way. Y/n caressed her husband’s hand slightly. That was it. 

Ross said, "By virtue of the authority vested in me, I now pronounce you husband and wife." he finished turning to Matty’s face, saying,  "You may kiss the bride."

“Fucking finally!” Matty protested, embracing Y/n into a thigh hug while his lips met hers into a loving kiss that sealed the pact forever. 

[rhoorl]

Are You Alone? | Benny Miller One-Shot

Pairing: Benny Miller x Female Reader

Word Count: 3.4k | AO3 Link

Benny Miller Masterlist

Summary: You take a girls’ trip and Benny misses you.

Warning: Think of this as a combo platter - you get a little fluff, a little angst, and a little smut. Benny Miller comes with his own warning. This is an established relationship and these two like their terms of endearment. There is a brief mention of a parent's illness. Mutual masturbation. Sexting. Body insecurity. There are also some Spanish phrases thrown in. If you have any questions let me know!

Header images are to set a vibe.

A/N: Although this is part of the “Are You On Mute” series (Part 1 and Part 2), this can be read as a standalone. I should be writing other things but Garrett Hedlund posted a bunch of photos on Instagram this week and well…this is what happened. 

“Oops, look what you stepped under,” Benny grinned, his arm behind his back so you knew he was up to something.

You furrowed your brows together, “Bun. What are you up to?”

With a swift move, he swung his arm up and over your head suspending a sprig of mistletoe inches above your forehead. This was your first holiday season as a married couple and he was fully in the spirit. He’d gone a bit overboard buying decorations for the house, including an elaborate light display for the outside complete with a synced musical accompaniment. 

“You gotta kiss me, sweetheart, it’s the rule,” his eyes trailed up to look at the mistletoe before cocking his head to the side and grinning.

You playfully rolled your eyes and pressed up on your tiptoes to give him a kiss, which of course he deepened immediately. He wrapped his arms around your waist, bringing you closer to him. 

“I have to finish packing,” you said as you reluctantly pulled away from him. 

“You sure I can’t come with?” Benny exaggeratedly pushed out his lower lip, his blue eyes working overtime to aid in his pout.

“Baby, c'mon don't do that,” you rested your hands on his chest, playing with the pendant hanging from his silver chain. “We haven't had a girl's weekend in forever. Mom's feeling so good this year and my tias and cousins are coming in too. Besides, you know my sister could use the break from the kids,” you chuckled.

“I'm still going to miss you,” he murmured looking down, running his hands up and down your sides.

“I'll be back before you know it, Bun, and then we can do all the fun Christmas stuff you want. I'm sure you and the guys will figure out something fun to do while we're gone.”

Benny had a whole list of fun events around town and beyond that he wanted to go to with you; he was trying to make up for last year which was a bit of a blur. Between medical appointments for your mom and hospital visits, it wasn’t a festive and fun time. Instead, it was a time filled with stress and worry. Luckily you had your sister, her family, and Benny, of course.

One thing your mom loved to do to pass the time while she was in the hospital was talk about all of the trips she wanted to take. She kept coming back to New York City around the holidays. Seeing the tree at Rockefeller Center, going ice skating, and attending a Broadway show were among some of the things she had long dreamed of doing ever since she was a little girl. 

At first, you placated her and listened to her dreams. You didn’t want to promise her anything. Frankly, you didn’t want to give yourself the hope that you’d be able to take the trip with her after all. But as the months passed, she started responding to the treatments and getting stronger. When Benny would come to visit, she’d his ear off about all of the places she wanted to go and how she wanted to be well enough to attend your wedding. 

Your wedding day was an emotional day for so many reasons. Seeing your mom well and having fun, smiling, and dancing with your husband made it a memory you know will live on with you for the rest of your life. As if it couldn’t get any better, during the reception, Benny surprised her with the trip of her dreams. He planned the whole thing without you knowing, getting help from Santiago and Frankie’s girlfriend among others. 

Now the time had come to go on this amazing trip and he was moping around, following you around the house like a lost puppy. 

“I need you to make sure it looks like Christmas threw up in this house by the time I’m back ok?” You stroke his cheek and he presses his face into your hand and kisses your palm.

“Ok boss lady, I got my orders,” he winked.

___________________________

Benny: I haven’t gotten a photo in a while 😞

You smirked at your phone. With the finishing touches of your outfit done, you move to the full-length mirror of your hotel room to try and figure out a pose. You held the phone at different angles, trying to see what would be the most flattering angle.

“Oh my god, do you just want me to take it for you?” Your sister chimed in. You thought she was still getting ready, but instead, she had been silently watching you from the corner of her bed.

“Ugh no, I … I think this one is fine.”

“Oh stop it. You look hot and he’s going to lose his mind.”

You were dressed in a white turtleneck dress, a long brown coat with brown knee-high boots complete with some jewelry Benny had gotten you. Taking a deep breath, you decide to just pick a photo and hit send. Nearly instantly you get a response.

Benny: Ok hot mama! 🥵

Benny: What are you ladies getting up to tonight?

You: Thank you 😘 we’re going to dinner and we’ll see where the night takes us

Benny: Ooo, you girls gettin wild?

You: 🙄 how wild can I get with my mom and tias?

Benny: You really want me to answer that? How drunk were you at our wedding?

You: Fair. Idk, Mari will probably find something for us to do after, it’s our last night so we’ll see

You: What are you boys getting up to?

Benny: Hanging out, the weather is so nice. We have that fire pit Will wants to try so we’ll hang out, watch the game. 

Benny: May have some cigars. 😏

You instantly press your thighs together and bite your lip. Ever since one particular guy’s night, cigars bring up a very distinct visual for you.

You: Well, seems like you boys will have fun. I miss you.

Benny: I miss you so much too. I want more pictures of my hot wife tonight 😉

“C’mon, Mari is downstairs and mom just said they’re headed down.” Your sister snapped you out of your bubble and you both rushed to get downstairs.

Dinner was pleasant, you all splurged on an expensive place reasoning that there was a lot to celebrate. As the meal wound down and the wine bottles were drained, everyone started talking about how to keep the party going. Your cousin Mari was tasked with looking up nearby swanky bars and lounges; she had a knack for always finding the trendiest places thanks to her incessant use of TikTok. 

“Ooo I found a spot!” She turned her phone to you and your sister, who leaned over you to see the video.

“Fun! Looks like a good spot. Mom! You good with keeping it going?” Your sister called across the table to your mother.

“Claro mija! Vamos!”

__________________

Benny walked into the kitchen. He offered to grab more beers, figuring it would be a good opportunity to sneak away and text in peace. 

“You miss her don’t you?” Benny turned around to see his brother-in-law leaning in the doorframe of the kitchen. 

Benny nodded, “Yeah. I’m glad they’re having fun. They deserve it.”

“It’s ok to miss her Ben. I miss my wife too,” he smiled, walking over to pat Benny’s shoulder. “It looks amazing in here, she’s going to love it,” he said looking around at all of the decorations Benny has put up with the guys’ help today.

“Thanks, man.”

“C’mon, everyone’s waiting outside.”

Benny grabbed a couple of six-packs from the refrigerator and followed his newest brother outside. They walked up just in time. Santiago was passing out cigars as Frankie fussed with the TV to get the game on. Benny leaned back in his Adirondack chair, resting his head on the back of the chair when an idea popped into his head.

______________________

Your phone buzzed in your clutch but before you could grab it your sister shoves her phone in your face. “Mira! The boys are lookin' good tonight!” She showed the phone off to the group of ladies who all whistled in agreement.

She wasn’t wrong. Your brother-in-law snapped a selfie with Benny and the rest of the boys in the background. Benny threw up an ironic peace sign which made you laugh. But damn, did he look good. 

He had on a black T-shirt underneath an open blue and white flannel shirt, the glimmer of his chain visible underneath his shirt. Of course, he wore his trusty baseball cap, backward. It looked like he hadn’t shaved since you left and you bite your lip remembering how it feels when he’s between your legs.

Remembering that you too received a text, you unlock your phone and see a message from Benny.

Benny: You girls having fun?

You: Yea! We made it to this bar that’s been super fun! Mom is having a blast.

You: OMG you know that actor you like from Cliff Beasts? He’s in the booth next to us!

Benny: No shit! 

You: Yea! He’s soooo nice. Once he found out we were celebrating mom he bought us a couple of bottles and danced with her too lol

Benny: That all he did?

You: He’s here with his girlfriend who is super sweet by the way.

You: I miss youuuuu

A few minutes late, your phone buzzes again. When you open up your messages, you see a photo of Benny, leaning back in his chair with a cigar in his teeth, his other hand resting on his hat. The smolder he’s giving sends an electric pulse straight to your core. The man is a menace.

“Ay, papi chulo!” 

You’d been staring at the photo for so long, that you hadn’t realized that your tias were looking over your shoulder at your phone. 

“Mijita, Benny es guapisimo!”

“Lo se. He’s pretty handsome, isn’t he? If you excuse me, chismosas,” you winked and moved to sit on another couch away from prying eyes. Everyone gave you a hard time but you smiled and took the good-natured teasing.

You: You’re lookin’ good babe! 😍 Ugh I miss you so much. I wish you were here.

Benny: I miss you too. I feel like you owe me a photo now too.

You: I sent you one earlier silly.

Benny: Yeah, but I want to see what you look like right now.

You snap a quick silly selfie - duck lips while winking.

Benny: How’d I get so lucky?

You: Babe, the guys are going to give you a hard time if you keep talking with me.

Benny: Nah, they’re too wrapped up in the game to care about what I’m doing.

Benny: I think you should send me another picture…but not of your face 😜

Rolling your eyes, you propped your elbow on the couch holding your head there to think. 

“I’m gonna go pee,” you announced to the group, who waved at you in acknowledgment as they went back to laughing and telling stories.

On the walk to the bathroom, you debated what you wanted to do. Before anything, you needed to make sure Benny’s phone wasn’t out in the open. 

You: Are you alone? Can anyone see your phone right now?

______________________

Benny sat up straight in his chair upon receiving the latest text. He knew he was a bit bold in his ask, not wanting to take you away from your time with your family, but he also wanted to be a bit greedy. 

He cleared his throat, “Anyone need a refill? I’m gonna go inside.” He didn’t wait to hear anyone’s response, already making his way back inside, missing the smirks his brother-in-law and Will were exchanging as he walked away.

Benny: I’m back inside, grabbing another beer. 

The little chat bubbles started and stopped, the anticipation of what he was about to receive building. 

______________________

Luckily, the bathroom stalls were rather spacious but you still weren’t sure what the hell you were about to do. You wanted to tease Benny a bit, so you decided to lift your dress so that he could see the bra and underwear set you had on - one of his favorites. 

You snapped a few photos, dropping your dress back down as you quickly reviewed them. You debated what to say, writing and deleting a series of what you hoped were flirty one-liners. In the end, you decided to let the photo talk for itself.

______________________

“Fuck me,” Benny exhaled as his eyes go wide at the sight on his phone screen. He quickly saved it and then promptly zoomed in to inspect things further. He got a bit of a thrill knowing that you’d left your group to send this photo to him. It also doesn’t go unnoticed that you’re wearing one of his favorite sets underneath your dress.

You: Was that ok?

“Dammit, Ben,” he chastised himself. He had been staring at the photo for so long, he forgot to respond. He knew you’d probably been agonizing over sending this in the first place, wondering how it was going to be received. Looking out the window onto the backyard, he sees the guys engrossed in conversation, so he figured he wouldn’t be missed if he was gone just a bit longer. He ran down the hallway to his room, closing the door behind him and double-checking that it was locked.

______________________

The time waiting for Benny’s response was spent agonizing over every imperfection in your photo, wondering if he was noticing the stretch marks or the puffiness of your lower stomach.

You held your breath as you saw a notification pop up that you had a message. Opening it up, you felt your cheeks get warm looking at what Benny sent you. He’d gone back to his room, you recognized the comforter he was lying on, the one you picked out. 

Benny: See what you did?

Along with the text was a photo of him from the waist down. Your mouth watered, seeing that he clearly was excited and very much turned on by what you sent. Before you’re able to think of something to send back you get another message, this time a video.

Your mouth was agape as you watched what Benny sent you. He had already unbuckled his belt and undone his jeans. When the video started, he was stroking up and down on his cock. You watched it all the way through and then played it again, bringing the phone up to your ear to see if he’d added any audio. And boy was there audio. He was telling you how beautiful you looked, how much he liked this little naughty side of you, and how much he wished he was there to take you into a bathroom himself and have his way with you. 

You: Babe! This is hot…

Benny: Yeah? 

Benny: You still alone?

You: Yeah…

Benny: Then show me how hot it got you

You bit your bottom lip, the slick pooling in between your legs. You needed to get some relief, so you leaned against the stall door and reached down into your underwear. Collecting the wetness, you thread your fingers up your folds to your clit, teasing it and wishing it was Benny’s fingers instead of yours. It wasn’t the best angle, but you took a quick photo to send him as you kept going. The next thing you knew, your phone vibrated in your hand. Benny was calling you.

You cleared your throat as you slid the talk button to answer, “Mhmm, yeah?”

He lets out a low grunt, “Fuck baby, you’re really getting yourself off in the bathroom stall aren’t you?”

“C-can’t help it, B, you…fuck…that video was so hot.”

“You thinking of me while you’re touching yourself?”

“Mmmhmm.” You shuddered a bit as you heard his low chuckle.

“I’m thinking of you too baby. Wishing I had you here with me.”

Despite the music bumping outside in the bar the bathroom was rather quiet so you were trying to stifle your moans to not alert any of the other patrons.

“Me too,” you whispered as you heard a group bust into the bathroom, cracking up and gossiping about who knows what. You figured Benny could hear the ruckus on the other side of the door.

“Guess we have company don’t we?” 

“Y-yeah.”

“Ok, I know you can’t talk babe, don’t worry. Is it ok if I keep going?”

“Mmhmm.”

“Ok, and I need you to keep your fingers going too.” He let out a shaky breath, the breath you knew so well, which meant he was getting closer. “I’m so happy you took the day off tomorrow, we’re going to need to make up for some lost time.”

You let out a whimper, already anticipating what was in store for you. He continued to go into detail about the different ways he was going to take you apart and what he wanted you to do to him. Hearing him be so descriptive was new and unexpected. It didn’t take long before you heard his release on the other side of the phone. It was enough to push you over the edge as you bit your hand to stifle a moan.

Your legs felt like jelly and you were panting. It took a few moments for you to gather yourself and put the phone back to your ear. “Bun? You there?”

He took a deep breath, “Yeah. I’m here baby. Sorry, I kinda blacked out for a second,” he laughed. “Fuck, that was so hot.”

You giggled, “Yeah it was. Hey, I…uh…I should probably get back. And you too. I’ll text you when I get back to the room ok?”

“Yeah, sounds good. Have a good rest of your night. I love you.”

“Love you too.”

____________________________

Benny quickly cleaned himself up and threw his pants back on, rushing to return to the group outside. Before he went to open the patio door, he remembered the reason for his trip inside in the first place. He ran over to the refrigerator, grabbed a couple of cans of beer, and made his way back outside.

Santiago was the first to address him. “Jesus, Ben. I thought you left and went to the ABC store.”

“Nah, he was inside talking to his girl,” Will nodded with a smirk.

“Ohhhh. Well, you do look more relaxed Ben, good for you,” Santiago winked. “Looks like you missed a spot,” he pointed down to Benny’s T-shirt and the white spot near the bottom. 

“Fuck,” Benny tried to wipe it away as the guys laughed. 

“Just please tell me you went to your room, right?” Will asked as Santiago cracked up even more.

“Hey, hey, hey. You two are ones to talk,” Frankie chimed in, coming to Benny’s defense. Santiago scoffed and was about to reply before Frankie cut him off, “I know, me too. We’ve all had some uh…fun…with technology,” he smirked.

“I guess, I should make plans to stay over at Miranda’s tomorrow then, huh? Ow!” Will dodged an empty beer can that Benny playfully tossed at him. 

________________________

You cleaned yourself up and weaved back through the crowd to get back to your booth. One of your cousins was regaling the group in a story so you thought you were able to slink back unnoticed. But your sister watched you like a hawk, a sly smile on her face. You rolled your eyes as she grabbed her drink and plopped down next to you.

“Sooo…feeling more relaxed?” She knocked your forearm with her elbow. 

“How’d you know?”

“Bitch, seriously?! You were so,” you shushed her so she whispered the rest, “you were so fucking obvious. Pressing your thighs together. Takes one to know one sis,” she winked. “You forget that I was in a long-distance relationship for like a year. We had to get…creative.”

You brought your hands to your ears, “Ew stop, I don’t want to think of you two having phone sex!”

“Who had phone sex?” Mari perked up, which drew the attention of the group.

You wanted to sink into the couch and disappear as everyone’s eyes turned to you. “My mom is here Mari, what the fuck!”

“Oh stop it, mija! You’re a big girl. Besides, I want some grandkids!”

Everyone whooped and giggled as you buried your head in your hands, laughing at the ridiculousness of this whole situation.

[a-boca-do-inferno]

eu te amo agora (sonny corleone x reader)

summary: Love truly didn’t make sense. (y/n) would know. 

warnings: angst, cheating, light fluff

words: 1.0k

notes: yes, another songfic. it rocks what can i do. based on agora by alice caymmi.

Don’t wait for him to come back. There are fifty holes on his skin and no life in his eyes. 

(y/n) prefers to tell herself every day Santino’s gone because the thought of his death is somewhat more bearable than his willing distance. And he was in the wrong! Yet, she was the one who hurt the most. (y/n) couldn’t look at him. Now he had a family of his own, and it was criminal the way his orbs shone with love towards his children. The worst part was she had no place in his life, not anymore. That meant having no right to feel betrayed by how happy he looked. She was now but a memory, forgotten in the back of his mind. 

“Sauce?”, inquires Carmela, causing the girl to blink at her. She had been in her own head most of the time, it seemed. The food looked delicious, though, and so she beamed back at the woman in silence. But Carmela was no fool. She knew (y/n) ever since she was a baby. “What’s on your mind, my dear?”

A sigh escapes her lips. “I’ve been working a lot, that’s all.”

“Yeah?”, Carmela hums and chuckles softly, serving (y/n)’s plate. “It sounds like your heart has been working quite a lot, too. If you don’t mind me saying.”

(y/n) snorts. She really knew her like no one else. “It doesn’t matter now.”

Carmela was aware of her and Sonny’s brief affair before he got married. She was a very attentive woman, especially towards her children. And instead of judging either of them, she kept to herself and subtly tried to amend things between her son and the girl. (y/n) was like family, after all, and it would help no one to feed any animosity at home. It was so hard, however, to pretend like nothing was ever happening when her heart broke into a thousand pieces every time Santino and his wife exchanged normal couple affection. 

“Oh, but it does”, Carmela murmurs, still with her voice as light as a feather. She gives Sonny a look from across the room. He’s talking to Tom about sports, gesticulating and laughing out loud. His presence is intoxicating. (y/n) feels sick. “Look at him. He’s a better actor than you.”

She almost chokes on her drink, but puts herself together quickly. “What?”, she scoffs, completely incredulous. Sure, Carmela knew about it and (y/n) knew she knew about it, but the comment was bold even for her. His mother had never been so direct. Still a bit stunned, the girl adds, “you’re seeing things, Carmela.”

“I put that boy into this world, honey”, she says smugly, then gives her a knowing smile. “And there’s no need to be shy around me, I’d take you over his wife any day.”

(y/n) couldn’t help but snicker, causing a few eyes to land on her, including Santino’s. She wasn’t one to draw attention to herself, after all. Her cheeks burned and she turned to Carmela, ignoring the surprise on Sonny’s face to see her actually do something while in his house. His orbs on her figure felt like hot stones coming in contact with her skin. He wasn’t a discreet man, and she cursed silently for that fact. The next thing she knew, someone had taken a seat at her side. 

(y/n) couldn’t bring herself to turn and face him, and then came his voice, deep and full of playfulness. “Don’t be rude now, doll.”

Damn him. She gives Carmela a look as if asking for help to deal with the situation, but the woman quietly gets up and leaves them alone at the table. Despite loving her like a mother, (y/n) hated her guts at that very moment. She had no choice but to turn towards Santino, who waited for her with a loose smile on his perfect features. Their eyes meet and for a split second, it’s like the very first time they met at that small family gathering for Connie’s graduation. Except it wasn’t, it never would be, not with his children playing in the backyard while his wife cooked with Carmela in the kitchen behind them. 

“Santino”, she gives him a small but polite nod. 

He raises his brows, amused by her response. “So formal.”

“Stop, Sonny”, (y/n) begs in a whisper, looking down at the table as she tries to recompose herself. But Sonny, ever the rebel, grabs her chin between his index and thumb delicately, making her stare back at him. She feels her face on fire again. “Sonny.”

“Every time I see you, you’re more beautiful than before, I swear to God”, he blurts out, his eyes unblinking and intense. Her knees are weak and she’s relieved to be seated right now. His words go like daggers through her heart. And he knows it. There’s pain in his voice, too. “You know I want you, doll. I always will.”

“I hate you”, she grits her teeth, holding his gaze with anger. Her eyes are filled with tears, but they don’t fall. Not anymore. “So much.”

He smiles slightly, but it’s a sad smile. Bitter. “I wish it could’ve been different. I really do.”

“It doesn’t matter now”, she repeats, yet it sounds more and more like she’s trying to convince herself.

Santino touches her hair hesitantly, probably sensing she’s gonna back away. She doesn’t. (y/n) doesn’t have it in her anymore to run away from him. He coos, his husky voice sending shivers down her spine, “it does, because I know I love you now.”

(y/n) doesn’t have a chance to process his words when Carmela comes back with his wife, both of them carrying trays. They set them on the table and everyone takes a seat. She didn’t even see when Sonny let go of her hair and turned forward, serving himself and teasing Tom about something. They laugh like nothing happened, which technically, it didn’t. Not to them. But her heartbeat felt like that of a captive bird’s. She ate quietly, Santino’s confession eating up her insides similar to acid. Love truly didn’t make sense. 

(y/n) would know. 

[tmae3114]

So there's this theory I've had bouncing around in my head for *checks notes* about three years now and, well, it does not have nearly the level of evidence I tend to prefer before I make a theory post - it is, in fact, Predominantly Vibes Based - but it has, again, been bouncing around in my head for three years and I refuse to be alone with it any longer

(...also, if I'm right, I wanna be able to go "I KNEW IT" and have a timestamp to point to XD)

OKAY. So. Basically.

I think Alinua might be a twice-born.

Hear me out:

Firstly:

We know that Cloud Elves live pretty much exclusively on the Archipelago Nimbus and are isolationist (Extra Lore: The Three Elder Races - "The Islands have minimal contact or trade with the outside world, [...]" & "These Cloud Elves are unique in many ways, most notably their isolationism [...]" and Page 1.6.12 "I suppose a cloud elf outside of the Archipelago Nimbus is fairly unusual-") but Alinua has been down on the surface since before she can remember

That suggests unusual circumstances. Isolationist people who have minimal contact with the outside world don't just lose a baby in said outside world

Alinua's theory for this is that her birth parents "probably reasonably assumed [she] had the Chimeric Plague and dropped [her] over the edge" (Page 1.6.13) but, crucially, there is no actual evidence of this. It's what she assumes probably happened but she has no memory of the actual events (Page 1.6.23 "I don't even remember it. I've never met my birth parents […]")

Therefore, it is entirely possible that Alinua is wrong about how she ended up not on the Archipelago Nimbus. And I, personally, think it's pretty likely that she's wrong because we know that the Archipelago Nimbus can sometimes be even higher up than the peak of the Throne of the World (this post) and even with it usually being lower down than that, I find it... somewhat doubtful that an infant (toddler, at best) would survive that fall. Not impossible in a fantasy setting but... doubtful.

Secondly:

We know that the Chimeric Plague was Life attempting to connect with a vessel who could be her eyes and give her perspective (Pages 1.20.20 - 1.20.23)

Even before Life finally broke through, Alinua was incredibly unusual for a carrier of the Chimeric Plague. She didn't even find out she was one until she was about ten (Page 1.6.13 "I had a normal life and family for ten years- and then I learned I was a chimera bomb [...]") when most die before they turn five (Page 1.2.10 "I shouldn't have made it past five years old" and Extra Lore: The Chimeric Plague "[...] it is inevitable in every case that the child will lose total control of their magic within the first few years of their life [...]"). She was twice the expected age of a carrier when she found out.

We don't know why Alinua is the successful attempt that finally worked. Not only do we not know, Alinua herself brings it up while talking to Life (Page 1.20.23 "I… don't know if there's anything special about me that kept you from overwhelming me like the others, or if I'm just the lucky one you finally got right."). The question is open: is there something special/unique about Alinua that allowed her to survive where none of the other children did? And if so, what is it?

Thirdly:

So. Carrion crawlers.

We have not actually met any in the story itself yet, only heard Caliban bring them up in the context of an insult (Page 1.12.10 "Twice-born son of a carrion crawler! You had a plan this whole time?!") but fortunately! the Aurora tumblr exists! so we have additional information!

Carrion crawlers eat dead things and sometimes give birth to baby clones of one of their recent meals, which are called twice-born. A twice-born is a healthy infant, identical in every way to how the original would've been as an infant, and age normally for the species they were produced from. Additionally, they have no memories from their source material (so to speak) and develop their own, unique soul, though if they came from a mage, their soul will develop the same channels (this post and this post)

...now, I mentioned at the start that this theory does not have as much evidence as I would like and is mostly Vibes Based, and we have now hit the point where I run out of evidence and switch to vibes. I do not have any evidence which actually points to a connection between any of this.

However, I do still Have Thoughts

We know that Alinua was adopted had a happy (or, at least, "normal") childhood prior to figuring out she was a chimeric carrier (1.6.13, see above) and seemingly doesn't think about her birth family very often. It's entirely possible that she didn't ask questions about where she came from as a child. It's not been brought up yet how her adoptive family found her but, given that she assumes she was thrown off the edge of the Archipelago Nimbus, the possibility that they found a seemingly-abandoned baby just lying around doesn't seem too out there. And if Alinua is a twice-born, yet clearly doesn't know that herself, her family may also not have known that... or may have known and opted to keep it hidden, even from her, given that twice-born are generally considered "deeply unnerving and grotesque" (this post).

As for how Alinua came to be in this theorised scenario, there's two possibilities I've considered.

The first is that an adult life mage cloud elf was outside the Archipelago Nimbus for Some Reason, died somewhere where there are carrion crawlers, and things went from there.

The second, much sadder, possibility is that the "Chimeric Plague carrier baby thrown off the edge of the flying islands" possibility did happen... the baby in question just wasn't Alinua because the fall was, in fact, not a survivable one. And then, just as a twice-born will inherit being-a-mage, Alinua inherited having the Chimeric Plague.

And, in either of these cases, something about being twice-born subsequently protected Alinua from being overwhelmed by Life.

[astharoshebarvon]

Aemond/Lucerys ABO AU

Where everyone dies except for Aemond & Luke and his uncle and half-sister’s Daemon and Rhaenyra’s youngest children, baby Aegon and Viserys

Aemond is too tired and grief ridden and does his best ensure his youngest nephews/cousins safety and becomes king regent for them.

A lot of people are happy with him on throne since no one liked Aemond’s brother and were pleased he was dead but equal amounts feared the alpha king because alphas are unpredictable(reason why there had been only two alphas on the throne till then) and Aemond was not a drunkard or easy to mould.

Some foolish councilman brought up the topic of heirs and he was found maimed, his arm gone the next day. No one dared say anything again.

Whispers were abound as people across the realm spoke in hushed voices of how their alpha king had murdered his true omega mate, Lucerys Velaryon and thus had almost brought the dragon house to extinction. That he still loved the boy he himself killed in his anger.

Two years after the war Aemond learns something, he takes Vhagar to the remote island where rumors were heard of a boy falling from the sky two years ago.

When Aemond sees his lovely mate, looking at him in confusion and the slightest bit of fear he lets tears slip from his eye for the first time ever. His tears had dried after he’d thought he had killed his omega. After that, it was just an endless cycle of death.

When Aemond brings Luke back, his youngest brothers cry tears of joy at seeing their older brother back. Luke does not remember anything, his memories only consist of the kind old couple who took care of him, taught him how to fish and kept him safe.

Aemond again has to maim another councilman who suggests there might be an heir now for the throne since Aemond’s omega is alive and well.

Luke keeps his distance from Aemond after learning about the death of his mother, father, brothers and everyone. His whole family gone except for the young ones. He feels longing and love when he looks at his alpha mate but that feeling diminishes when he recalls hearing of the death of his family.

Luke does marry Aemond since he fears Aemond might try to hurt his little brothers if he doesn’t. Aemond laugh and laughs until tears slide down his cheek when he hears Luke reassure his brothers that he’ll keep them safe no matter what. He doesn’t understand why Luke thinks he would hurt them now when he didn’t before.

Aemond and Luke remain virgin even on their wedding night. The alpha king just bites his omega’s nape before turning around and falling asleep, leaving Luke wondering if Aemond really is as horrible as the stories he’d heard. He could have taken him if he really wished but he didn’t.

Eventually Luke again falls in love with him again. He tries his best to not but his emotions get the better of him and when his heat hits him after nine moons of their marriage, he urges Aemond to take him to bed.

Aemond and Luke spend weeks in their chambers with only prince consort’s young brothers allowed entry in the rooms.

When Luke is in third moon of his pregnancy his memories return. He hits Aemond, hurls obscenities at him but in the end tearfully confesses he still loves him.

“You will never hurt my only family left! You must promise me that Aemond! My baby brothers will remain safe, you will not take their right from them like your family took from my mother.”

Aemond smiles wistfully as he caresses his beautiful boy’s cheek, “I won’t. Some may argue though you are the second son, so you and I should rule together with our children being our heirs.”

Luke laughs incredulously, “they hated a lady on the throne, they dislike an alpha on it, you think they’ll want an omega on it?” His gaze turns fierce, “I don’t care what they want. I don’t care for the iron throne. I don’t want it anywhere near me. It was my mother’s, then Jace’s. Neither of them are alive. It will be my baby brothers.”

“Then your will be carried out, my darling.” He gently brings Luke closer and brushes his forehead with his, making Luke release pleased pheromones. “Whatever your heart desires, I’ll give you, Luke.”

The alpha king, Aemond Targaryen and prince consort omega Lucerys Velaryon Targaryen welcome twin boys after six moons, both having Targaryen hair and eyes of their alpha father with the beautiful features of their omega bearer.

Aemond once again decrees Aegon III or Viserys II will inherit the throne once they come of age at 18.

He names his sons, Daelon and Rhaegal Targaryen as future heirs of Dragonstone and Driftmark.

“He was kind to us, we didn’t think, you know — he would be.” Viserys says, smiling softly at the infants, Daelon and Rhaegal. “It’s odd he named them after — ” he looks at Luke who smiles at him as he leans down and lays a soft kiss on his head, making his brother smile happily. “Our parents?”

“Yes.”

Luke ruffles Aegon’s hair who was looking at baby Rhaegal with curiosity, “Aemond did bad things,” he smiles sadly as his brothers look solemnly at him, shifting closer so they were leaning on their older brother.

Luke wrapped his arms around them, squeezing them in reassurance, “but he has the courage to admit his wrong doings. There was death on both sides. Aemond knows none of it would have happened if he hadn’t chased me across the skies.” He looks at his children and gently caresses his newborns heads, “ more importantly he loves me like I love him.” His voice is soft as he speaks again, “he won’t hurt me again.”

“My brothers find it hard to believe you let me name our children after my parents.”

Aemond hums as he drops a kiss on his head, “did you tell them the next one will be named Laenor if it’s a boy and Aemma if it’s a girl?” He glances at Luke’s flat abdomen knowing it will be a while before he shows.

Luke shakes his head, “no. but I believe that would make them just as happy.” He lifts his head to meet Aemond’s gaze, “do you regret your part in my mother and father’s death, my brothers? Your family?”

Aemond nods slowly, trying to ignore the pain that goes through him, “I do.”

Heavens, the way Luke had yelled at him when he’d learned how they had taken out his father, by trickery and cowardice. He didn’t want to hear that tone ever again. 

“I am surprised you didn’t steal his sword after he was dead and take it for yourself!” Luke yelled. He should stop, this much anger couldn’t be good for his babies but he couldn’t. His alpha father was a man of few words but he had cared a lot for all of them. Daemon loved them as much as their father Laenor did.

Aemond clenched his hand into a fist, “I did not touch your dear father’s sword. It was placed next to the skull of Balerion as a prized artifact.”

“Really? That doesn’t sound like you, alpha of mine.”

Aemond snapped. He glared at his mate, knowing he shouldn’t say the next words but he couldn’t stop. Luke was the only one who could make him feel like a hopeless fool in love in one moment and a deranged fiend in next.

“You would have loved it if I had died by his hands instead, wouldn’t you my omega!” Aemond spat, not caring how Luke flinched and backed away from him as much as the bed could allow. “You would have been happy if your mother’s beloved husband Daemon, your alpha father would have driven that sword of his through my body. Would that have satisfied you my sweet Luke if I was dead?!”

Next second Aemond cursed himself again as Luke burst into tears, his slender frame shaking as sobs wracked through his body. He tried to touch his husband but Luke hunched in on himself, clearly conveying he did not want his touch.

“How—how— could you—” Luke sobbed. “How? I never — never wished you—” He glared at his alpha husband, his eyes shining with tears, “you almost killed me, your nephew, and your omega mate! Your actions drove my mother and father to grief, my brothers to their demise! You led your whole family to death. Don’t you dare say I wanted you dead ever! You know exactly the circumstances which led to the loss of your eye.”

Aemond looked away as familiar pain washed over him as Luke said what he’d long accepted.

Luke was right, everything he’d said was true. Maybe that’s why it hurt to hear him. He was the reason rest of their family was dead. Luke was right about Daemon too. That was the only way they could ever get rid of the Rogue Prince.

If they hadn’t, Aemond was sure the alpha father of Rhaenyra’s children would have relished in ending his life. Daemon had literally burned the whole storm’s end save for one small child since he saw them as accomplice in his son’s demise. He had ended boros’ line, the child he spared was his cousin’s. boros and his daughters had been fed to Caraxes, that’s how livid he’d been.

Luke goes back to rest his head on Aemond’s chest, making the alpha come out of his thoughts, “then you will be forgiven.”

Aemond laughed bitterly, “they are all gone, Lucerys. The only one’s forgiveness I seek is yours.”

Luke feels his heart clench in pain, “It will hurt, you know that. it will always hurt.” He doesn’t say anything for a while. When he does speak again, his voice is soft and broken, “you have it. We would have never had Daelon and Rhaegal if I didn’t forgive you.”

Aemond tries to hold back tears that threaten to fall from his eye but fails. His anguish only becomes greater when Luke leans in and presses a soft kiss to his scarred cheek, his sapphire in his eye socket, his forehead. “I love you, and I’ll always stay with you, my alpha.”