#my favourites on these pages are still the ears...they were so fun to draw

[2-rustywings-2]

Big sketchbook dump from things I doodled last year :D

I roughly sorted it but it's still quite mixed. This is just a handful of pages from my "people" sketchbook, so it might be a bit monotonous...

Hopefully it's somewhat interesting!

I keep multiple sketchbooks for different purposes, so this one is the "people" themed one while most of my environment and objects are in other ones.

None of these are editited beyond making them clearer (contrast) and pasting them on a bigger page

[ranticore]

selected pages from Shapeshifter Problems, a small exploration of old old concept art & thoughts on shapeshifter tropes (specifically the question of the 'true form') i posted to patreon earlier this year. there's a bunch more haha. here's some OLD art and bg process for writing said the black horse. I don't like my old art but looking back at it I'm really happy how I've developed since, I used to make everything too sharp, straight-sided, or skinny. I had to make a conscious effort to change that and now it's so much better.

image transcriptions under the cut (just the text sorry)

Image 1: "These are more of those older designs - the horns were a deliberate play into devil imagery on Puck's part while giving Félix this form (all to cause more torment of course) but again I couldn't vibe with it. Such clear statements of intent didn't work for me.

The scars remain canon but not quite so stark, more a difference in texture (again, moving away from visual details). His forehead scar is ALWAYS there."

Image 2: "Félix. These are really old - from 2019-2020. They're the first attempts at Félix's horse form. At the time I was leaning into some goat-like attributes. I liked the idea of something that looked like an emaciated amalgam of many familiar creatures but if you look closer, it actually doesn't look like any animal at all. The original body shape and proportions were inspired by moose. I didn't know how to draw convincing horse shapes which is why he had these hands and claws for so long. I still draw the little flower wheel pattern on his sides sometimes... a secret just for me. His belly fur, squared off ear shape, and beard are still defining characteristics"

Image 3: "More old art from 2020. Bottom left is my first ever painting on my iPad using Procreate. I still prefer SAI for creature drawings, or at least the original sketches underpinning a lot of my art. Below on the bottom was my attempt at a scarier form for the character but I ultimately decided that it ran contrary to the atmosphere I was trying to create. Top left is my first 'real' horse painting and it includes the tail shape which has not ever changed, and feathers, which I nixed because I wanted to learn how to draw the feet and legs properly and not rely on covering them up with flowing hair (my favourite thing to draw)"

Image 4: "Like the black horse designs, these humanoid designs for Félix (circa 2019 - OLD art!) started very complex and simplified over time. I decided to avoid visual complexity, but made the mistake of solidifying specific 'rules' for how the Púca servants' bodies work, and I deeply regret this. Because I wrote Said the Black Horse in 2021, I was still operating under the old mindset and that caused it to become somewhat established canon.

In his original iteration his tattoos represented magical contracts between him and various faeries, so they were supposed to be always visible as a reminder of that contract.

<- a really early furry version, I was playing with the eye on the neck as a design feature. Ultimately I feel that although it looks cool, the medium he exists in is proser. So I needed to move away from visually complex designs and towards designs which were interesting to different senses instead."

Image 5: "As time went on the design simplified. I enjoyed making fun textures using procreate brushes. These designs lack his forehead scar but do include his impalement scar. If you've seen my Hanged Man card you'll know how he got that one. But when I made the charts like this about how his body 'worked' in 2020, again I ran into the same issue I always do when writing about faeries... the more I explain it, the most 'logic' and 'science' goes into it, the less it feels like a faery story to me. Overexplaining is anathema to the faeries of Inver. so even though I like these design notes they just don't fit in this setting."

[swiftstarr]

#1

Pairing: Jungwon × Reader

Contents: Fluff (a little suggestive)

(genuinely pure fluff guys, I wrote it for my friend but I'll leave it here too)

*not proofread, I'll find some time to check it eventually

“Jungwon-ie,” you call out for him as you nudge your shoes to the side before bending to pick them up. “I’m home.”

It had been anything but a good day - you’d been fiercely reprimanded after missing a deadline for an important project, but no matter how you tried to explain to them that it happened because of the endless wave of emails after emails, projects due in less than a week, and no matter how hard you toiled, it never subsided.

So here you were, safe at home at last, where you could finally get that hug that you’d needed all day from Jungwon, who was approaching you right now.

“Ah, jagiya, you’re finally home,” he replied as he walked towards you, arms outstretched.

He always knows just what I need, you think to yourself as you melt into his warmth.

Nothing beats a hot bath after a long day, and that’s why Jungwon draws one for you while you put your things down and undress. When you enter the bathroom, the tub’s filled with hot water, with just the smallest bit of steam rising off it. He’s even placed all your favourite soaps and scents on a stool next to it, with a clean towel hanging off the rack and a rag laid out so you won't slip when coming out of it.

He helps you into it, arm around you, hand on your waist, letting you have your privacy after leaving a peck on your forehead.

Once you’re done washing up, you dry yourself and head outside, where he’s already laid out his warmest hoodie and a pair of shorts. You slip into it, sighing in content as the materials hug your body with the littlest friction.

He’s not in the room, so you walk out into the kitchen, your clothes and towel in your hands. Dropping them into the laundry basket in the back, you turn to where he’s moving around in front of the stove. A heavenly aroma fills the air, and you sniff dramatically before collapsing into the nearest chair. You know what he’s making, but you ask him anyway, “Jungwon, what’re we having for dinner?”

“Huh?” he says, looking up. When his gaze lands on where you’re situated, he breaks out in amused laughter, leaning against the counter for support. When he turns back to you, he’s still grinning from ear to ear as he answers you, “I’m making ramyeon for you,” he looks a little sheepish at this, and it becomes apparent why when he further explains, “It’s not much, but it’s a little too late for me to make anything more since I’ve eaten as well.”

“Ah, you’ve already eaten? That’s good, what did you have?”

“Oh, the boys were over earlier, so we ordered something in.”

“Ahh, I see. Did y'all have fun?”

“Mm,” he nods, and turns back to turn off the stove. You stand up, reaching up into the cabinet above to retrieve two bowls.

When he sees the extra bowl, he quirks his brow in questioning.

“Come on, you’d be lying if you said you didn’t feel like having at least a little.”

A grin splits over his face and he admits, “Ah, you know me well.”

The two of you dig in in silence, or so you think, ‘cause while you’re busy blowing on the noodles to cool them down, Jungwon’s busying his eyes with the task of soaking up every detail of you as you eat.

The rest of the ramyeon is emptied considerably fast, but when you stand up with your bowl in one hand, other hand reaching across for his bowl, a hand lands on your arm, promptly stopping any further actions.

“Jagiya, you really think I’m going to let you clean up while I’m around?”

You blush, heat pooling in your stomach. “I’m not a baby, Won. I can take care of myself.”

“That’s right, but I can take care of you too, so don’t tire yourself when I can do it. Go to the room and rest, I’ll be there in a moment.”

So you leave reluctantly, but not upset, and make yourself comfortable on your shared bed.

For a while, the only sound was the crisp sound of the turning of pages as you read on and the splash of water against the dishes. Then there’s the pitter patter of feet moving towards your room, and then he’s suddenly by your side, leaning over to deliver a kiss on your cheek.

He walks over to the other side and climbs into bed beside you before gently pulling the book from your grasp and setting it aside.

“Hey!” you protest, but you’re quickly silenced by his lips on yours. You’ve never lost every thought in your head that fast. It’s probably a record, but you couldn’t care any less right now.

Have his lips always been this smooth? a part of you wonders subconsciously. Or warm, and- but your thoughts are once again removed when you feel him pulling you closer towards him while tilting your head up to face him.

“Look at me, jagiya.”

Your eyes fly open and you just know you're turning into a blushing mess beneath him, but how could you not, when he’s so perfect - when he’s Jungwon?

He handles you with care, moving his hand upwards to cup your cheek. The warmth of his body disappears, and you can hear the bed shifting under you as he adjusts himself so he’s right on top of you now, but his lips never leave yours, nor weaken. Instead, your kiss deepens into something more passionate, and fiery.

“Are we going to do something else?” you murmur against him.

“No,” he laughs as he pulls away to look at you. “Unless that’s what you want to do,” he continues, smirking teasingly.

“No!” your blush creeps back. “I mean, not now.”

“Then what do you want to do?”

“Just cuddle,” comes your muffled reply from where you’d buried your face to hide your embarrassment.

He doesn’t give you a response immediately, busy inhaling the scent of the shampoo he’d helped you set aside a while ago. “Okay, then, come,” he invites, leaning his head against the pillows on his side.

You shuffle closer to him, but not close enough for him apparently, because he pats the space in between both of you and says, “Come on, come closer.”

You listen to him, but you wish you hadn’t because the moment you edge nearer, he slings an arm around you and yanks you right into his chest where you can feel every one of his abdominal muscles, which thus leaves you breathless and your insides full of butterflies.

He bursts into hysterical laughter at the sight of your taken-aback expression and once your body functions come back to you, you figure how to raise your arm and smack him on the shoulder.

“That wasn’t fair,” you huff.

He giggles, rolls you over and pulls you against him so that your back’s against his chest, gentler than before, and kisses your shoulder in apology. But you’ve already forgiven him. It’s the way he holds you, you think.

The way he holds you, as if you’re worth every bit of his heart, as if you’re the only one that exists for him. As if at the end of the day, you’re where his heart lies.

“Thank you,” you whisper, giving him a kiss on the cheek when your words fail you. You’d never known him as the kind to get embarrassed, but he flushes a surprisingly vibrant shade of red, like a strawberry under your touch.

[literatureinducedexhaustion]

@nasuversekinkmeme A fresh fill!

This one was fun, and had me draw on my old voice lessons to torture Liz! Under the cut for more!

"Again!" Phantom commands. Elizabeth growls, flipping several pages back in her sheet music. Robin Hood's hands twitch for a cigarette he isn't allowed to have.

Elizabeth's Bathory's rehearsals are absolute hell. Not only is Robin forced to listen to Liz's screeching soprano with only minimal ear protection, all tobacco products are completely banned from Phantom's teaching studio as to not damage the singers' lungs. Phantom may be at his 'sanest' when teaching, but the Assassin is a perfectionist when it comes to music. Liz and Robin had to learn music theory. There were charts. If Robin never hears a harmonic minor scale again, it will be too soon.

And Liz is having a... difficult time, as it is, with the task she's set for herself.

Weeks ago, she'd seen some sappy performance archived on the departed Dr. Roman's hard drive, and had come clamouring to her 'manager' demanding Robin help her learn how to 'emote'.

Elizabeth Bathory, giving a stirring, dramatic performance of anything more than sugary malice. Robin would have scoffed if it would have done anything to stop the incoming train wreck. But Nero could emote, or so said Liz. So Robin had let himself be dragged into this to help Liz show up her eternal showbiz rival.

Blegh.

At any rate, it had been multiple gruelling sessions over multiple gruelling days, with loads of gruelling practice in between. Overriding Liz's natural inclination to dragon-screech her negative emotion had taken three days as it was. Then it was trying to get her not to smile at the more violent lyrics. And now-

"You're gritting your teeth, Elizabeth!" Phantom points out. Again.

"Well, why shouldn't I!?" Liz snaps back. "Louisa's burning her cheating lover's letters! She should be furious!" Liz has complained before about all the things one ought to do to cheaters, usually involving pikes. Burning one's letters, as women in musicals tend to do, would simply never cross the mind of the Blood Countess.

"The audience can't hear your words if your teeth are in front of them."

Really, Liz should have expected how much classical music she'd be doing, hiring the Phantom of the Opera as her vocal instructor. Emotion, as it were, can never get in the way of articulation, especially not in German.

Liz screams anyway. There was very little of her power behind it, but it still knocked over her music stand and sent the contents flying.

"I HATE MOZART! I HATE HIS STUPID OPERA! THE NEXT TIME I SEE HIM HE'LL BE IN MY DUNGEONS WITH MY LAWYERS!"

At least Phantom had her well-trained enough to pick up after herself, he muses, as Liz pulls the poor, wobbly music stand back up into position.

"I think that is our cue to try something a little easier," Phantom says, after Liz had reset her station back to working order.

"FINA- ahem. Thank you, Phantom!~"

Phantom pulls out a very familiar score book.

Now Robin's the one gritting his teeth. "Not Sweeney Todd again!"

"But it's funny!" Liz exclaims.

"It's our starlet's favourite!" Phantom adds. "Never take a good morale booster for granted, especially if it's already memorized!"

He struck up a chord on the piano.

"Seems a downright shame..." Liz begins. Here, her face begins to change.

"Seems an awful waste..."

No longer struggling to empathize with a scorned woman, Liz is much better at matching the lyrics to her expression while still minding her performance.

Even if that expression is thoughtfully contemplating making money off of cannibalism to cover up a murder.

"Such a nice plump frame, what's-his-name

has… Had… Has… Nor it can't be traced."

Elizabeth Bathory really likes Sweeney Todd, and it shows in how she performs Mrs. Lovett's proposal as both nonchalant and conspiratorial. The deliberately meandering lyrics do very well to ease both Todd and the audience into agreeing with this disgusting idea, and Liz's looks and charisma would have any hypothetical super-fan lining up to try a long pork pie if she was serving it.

"Mrs. Lovett, what a charming notion! Eminently practical, and yet appropriate as always!"

Phantom's no slouch either, pitching his voice down just slightly to give Sweeney a little more gravitas.

The two of them mesh very well with the back-and-forth verse structure too. For all Liz claims to be a solo act, she does great work with a little banter.

"For what's the sound of the world out there?" Phantom cues.

Liz flutters her eyelashes, besotted and evil. "What, Mr. Todd, what, Mr. Todd, what is that sound?"

"Those crunching noises pervading the air?" Phantom's grin is infectious.

"Yes, Mr. Todd, yes, Mr. Todd, Yes, all around~"

"It's man devouring man, my dear—"

"And who are we to deny it in here?" Liz even goes down on the harmony like she's supposed to! Robin gives her a thumbs-up for that.

Liz almost shatters Phantom's reading glasses with the force she puts in, but holds herself back. She must really like this song.

It's a pity Liz constantly tries to cast herself as the put-upon Johanna, even if Robin knows why. The raw edges of Liz's draconic voice lend very well to villain songs.

It's a pain, just like Liz.

But hey.

Robin gets to listen to A Little Priest in a way no one else ever will.

And then Liz does something with her eyes and- Oh!

Robin gets why Phantom chose this song now.

Sweeney Todd remembers halfway through this song about his big old vengeance hard-on for the man who drove his wife to her 'death', and Mrs. Lovett, though she's down with murder, is terrified of him finding out more details. Liz can actually show subtle fear peeking through a cheery facade, if she has suitable motivation.

The Phantom's a sneaky bastard. Robin should take notes.

But he'll do that after the big finale.

"We'll not discriminate great from small, no, we'll serve anyone!

Meaning anyone—

And to anyone~!

At all!"

Phantom and Liz singing a duet

For sure!

[whataboutmyfries]

Spilled ink

oh my GOSH it has been a hot minute since I wrote these lovely boys!! so here I am, coming at you with small details for fictional kisses oknutzy style!!! headcanoned about this a while ago in the sw discord and it hasn't left my mind since so here we are! characters are by the wonderful @lumosinlove featuring art by my lovely friend @tobi-tobi-tobi who somehow manages to look into my brain with every single one of their pieces and this one was no different :)

enjoy!

~

1.Whispering ''kiss me'' to your lover

Right, so I’ve been thinking about LionFish reading and annotating a book together non stop :’) 

The two of them get cosy and comfy with their different coloured pens, smiling goofily at each other as they crack open the book, jumping into a brand new adventure together. 

If you were to go look at the book after they were done with it, there’s all these little signs of love over every inch of available space.

There’s wobbly tear spots that are outlined and doodled around where the words hit just a little bit too close to home 

Sticky notes over the typewriter ink where the feeling were too big for the page to hold

Leo draws little fishes swimming across the margins and it makes Finn a lovely-dovey mess; Every. Single. Time.

Naturally Lolo sees Finn scribbling in one of his precious books, gets curious, and decides to give this whole annotating thing a go.

One day Lolo just hands Finn a book with a scribbled note inside the cover saying 'hey, i read this and it made me think of you xx' and the first thing Finn notices is that the top right corner is like a centimetre or so thicker than the rest of the book from where Lolo's dog-eared all his favourite parts and Finn english major O Hara’s eye just twitches as he tries his best to not implode

He loves it. He cries. 

It’s this book of heartwrenching, delightfully emotional poetry about love and pining. And Logan’s scribbles about Harvard, and Finn, and finding him and Leo, and finding himself through them are so vulnerable and heartfelt that the only time Finn can read the book without sobbing his eyes out for hours is if he’s wrapped up in his Logan, head resting on Logan’s strong chest so he can lean up and whisper a hoarse “kiss me” when the memories are too big and too much to handle. 

It’s one of Finn’s most prized possessions. 

Leo annotating for Finn on the other hand…..

Picture if you will: What if Leo's current read is some historical fiction book and when he hands it to finn it's basically more than twice its original size and won't even close anymore from the sheer volume of sticky notes that Leo's put in there pointing out historical inaccuracies or just dropping cute lil history facts

Finn is a mess of heart eyes and undying love as he works his way through the behemoth of the book, and it still holds a treasured place on his bookshelf 

Yet another of his most prized possessions 

Fun fact: It’s only when they get into reading together that Leo finds out that Finn will use anything as a bookmark 

One day he comes home to find the household cat’s (king’s) face smooshed gently between the pages of Finn’s latest paperback, his whiskers peeking out the pages as he sleeps

Leo can’t decide between snapping a picture and laughing his ass off (he does both) 

Of course, in an effort to get their beloved Lolo into reading, the boys decide to annotate a book for him together, potentially giving him an incentive to read it. 

They find a brilliant thriller/horror+romance book that they think Logan would enjoy and they spend hours poring over it (even though it gives leo the heebie jeebies at times) and annotating it for Lolo, Logan's super confused as to why his boyfriends are reading the same book at the same time, like ???? this is so dumb? Why don’t they just take turns? it's it awkward to have to wait for the other person to finish reading? wouldn't it be easier to do it one by one? but when they're both finally finished writing all over it and making it perfect for their boy (there's absent-minded doodles of fleur-de-lis all over the margins in the purple pen that Leo used and little stick-figure drawing of the three of them in Finn's orange ink. It clashes horribly (Logan loves it). they give to him all wrapped up and pretty and Lolo tears up a little

When Logan's reading it, he can't help but laugh at the cacophony of purple and orange on every square inch of available space and the book quickly becomes his most prized possession. He knows it's a horror book and it's supposed to be scary and stuff, but how is he supposed to be scared when there's stick figure Finn with the most floofy hair brandishing a sword against a monster that doesn't look even remotely like the thing described in the book as he holds stick-figure logan in astronomically muscly arms?

Sometimes when Leo can't sleep, Logan grabs the book and reads to Leo, though Leo usually loathes thrillers/horror books. He's lying with his head pillowed on Logan's chest listening to the rumble of his sleep-hoarse voice as Lolo does silly voices for Leo and Finn's annotations and that's how Leo reads the book start to finish without being scared

Just them being happy and in love and the intricate rituals of storytelling <3

[arhvste]

“so can i?”

you hum at the sound of atsumu’s voice, eyes meeting his almost pleading ones.

you sigh but fail to hide the small grin tugging on the corners on your lips. “why are you so desperate to?” you budge over a little to make room for the setter as he inches closer towards you, phone still switched on in his hand.

for weeks atsumu had been not-so-subtly hinting towards wanting a public relationship with you. at first you had both come to the mutual agreement of dating under a low profile, after all, nothing good ever came out of a highly publicised relationship and atsumu had been in enough to know that. he wanted things to be different with you though. you were different.

as fun as your silly little game of romeo and juliet was with the setter, he had found grown sick of the secret meet ups, the pretending to be single when interviewed by nosy publicists and most importantly, the pretending to be okay when he’d be forced to witness others looking at you, approaching and flirting with you right before his eyes. it was draining in fact.

“aren’t you tired of hiding it?” the blonde sighed, calloused hand rubbing through his damp hair, towel still lazily slung over his neck having just left the shower.

you but your lip and gazed up at your boyfriend knowingly. you were in fact tired, very tired. atsumu knew that and deep down you wanted nothing more than to scream praises of love and admiration for your boyfriend for the whole world to see, but the world is unfair and you both knew that.

“i am but, i’m worried about you.” fingers playing with the hem of his white towel, your gaze was cast down before two fingers hooked beneath your chin guiding your face up to directly meet his.

“you have nothin to worry about.” sincerity was the only tone detectable within his statement and you had no choice but to believe him. he was more than capable of fighting his own battles and perhaps you were making something bigger than it needed to be, but you just couldn’t help but fear your relationship would become a repeat of atsumu’s previous ones.

“nothing?” you raised an eyebrow to which the setter offered a cheeky grin.

“nothin at all.”

tucking the few loose strands of hair out of your face behind your ear, atsumu excitedly sat up, his instagram already pulled up on his phone as he leant in close to you.

“i don’t wanna make a big announcement, one that’s gonna draw too much attention anyways,” he explained, opening up his story page to look through a suitable photo to post. “i want people to know you’re mine though.”

looking you straight in the eyes your heart jumped. in his previous relationships you were aware your boyfriends social media announcements were handled by his management, his own posts hardly ever made by the setter himself. for him to go out of his way to post you told you enough to know he was serious about you.

opening the album named after you, atsumu scrolled through the countless photos he had saved of you. some more flattering than others of course, he smiled as multiple images of you flickered before his soft eyes.

small whispers of “ah i love this one.” and “ohh remember when this was.” slipped from his mouth every so often before settling on a particular image of you.

“this one.”

you looked at his screen, confusion beginning to draw across your face. “that one? why that one?”

the image was a little blurry but not to the point where your face wasn’t recognisable. you were mid laughing, hands reaching out towards the man you were lucky enough to call yours as he snapped the photo.

“it’s one of my favourites.” the blonde confessed, heat rising to his cheeks ever so slightly.

wide smile broadening across your face, you giggled before leaning into his shoulder. “that one it is then.” you mumbled, lips pressing soft kisses to his bare skin as you spoke.

“think yer gonna get left alone at my games after i post this. gonna be able to cope without a bit of validation from strangers?”

you laughed as his arm draped over your side. tilting your face to look up at him, utter love brimming from your pretty eyes.

“you posting this means more to me than any compliment i could ever receive from a stranger.”

and just like that, after one click you had claimed a spot on the notorious setters instagram page. you knew there would be things to handle in the very near future, your exposure would stir up quite the fuss you were sure, but in that moment you didn’t care.

for the past few weeks miya atsumu had wanted nothing more than to tell the world he was yours and now that the daunting first announcement had been tackled, he couldn’t wait to keep reminding the world he was and always would be yours.

[its-deputy-caleb]

Hiii, could i have a request for how the gang members would react to meeting a historian or explorer in the wild?? thank you! I love your blogs sm!!

anon ily <3333 i went wayy overboard with these but i regret nothing bc this was soo cute and fun to write. I hope u enjoy and i made it gn for everyone. I only did the VDL boys for this but if enough ppl like it i might do the girls with something similar idk yet?

Dutch Van Der Linde

Dutch first laid eyes on you when you were hanging off the edge of a cliff after slipping when you got too close to the edge. He immediately ran over to you, helping you off the cliff and getting you settled back on your feet.

He seemed genuinely concerned and agreed to help you safely record the rock carving that was on the side of the cliff face, keeping you from falling.

You were a historian and had been studying these mysterious rock carvings after meeting an equally mysterious man, Francis Sinclair.

You didn’t see much of Dutch Van Der Linde after that until you ran into him again in Saint Denis in the saloon. He remembered who you were instantly and started up a conversation about your work where you chatted away for hours.

You became very close after that and he often accompanied you to Museums and fancy fundraisers that you were invited to.

He’d always get dressed up and complimented your finer outfits which was such a difference to the field gear you’d have on. You’d spend all night chatting away over nice champagne and dancing together before actually engaging with other guests but you didn’t have a care in the world with Dutch in your life.

Arthur Morgan

Arthur finds you standing in the middle of a field, flipping over rocks and staring numbly at what appeared to be a map in your hands.

When he approached you he soon learnt you were a young amateur explorer about to get your big break with a treasure hunt but you couldn’t find the gold bars for the life of you.

Arthur gave you a heart warming smile and held up a gold bar after retrieving it from his satchel having felt a little bad that he’d discovered it not a week before you.

The two of you laughed about it, calling yourself a fool for trying to find it for so long when it was clearly missing— the thought that someone took it clearly never crossed your mind.

Arthur was always a gentleman however and promised to make it up to you. After taking you to dinner and getting to know him better, you spent the next few days camping out and finding a new treasure together.

You travelled through caves and through valleys of flowers to find this treasure. Sometimes it was so beautiful that the two of you just stopped by a stream to let your horses rest and enjoy the scenery.

When you finally found the treasure you gave Arthur a big hug in excitement which caught him by surprised but he happily returned. He let you keep the treasure and wished you luck with more exploring but of course that wasn’t the last time you saw Arthur again.

Charles Smith

Charles meets you one day while you’re out surveying wildlife. You specialised in conservation, wanting to study and protect animal species.

Fresh out of the university from Saint Denis you’d been dying to get out of the confining city and explore the heartlands. That’s where a kind gentleman named Charles Smith had offered to protect you and show you around the herds of bison you’d taken to studying.

You spent days together riding the over the hills and following the herd as they travelled. While you were Charles told you all about his family and the respect and love they have for the beautiful creatures.

It was amazing the array of knowledge Charles knew about bison and you couldn’t stop the smile on your face as he told you about the characteristics of the bison. You rushed to take notes in your journal, knowing that all that he told you would help you study and protect these animals.

“Do you think it’ll actually do any good? The work you’re doing?”

“One can only hope Mr.Smith but I will do everything in my ability to protect such beautiful creatures.”

Even when you had to return to the city for study you constantly wrote to Charles, staying in touch and keeping him updated with all your work. It was hard to say goodbye to someone you’d grown close to but you made regular visits to each other long after that.

John Marston

You first found John in the saloon after a long day at work, in desperate need of a drink. Being a zoologist you instantly noticed the scars on his face and would’ve guessed a wolf was the animal that caused the damage.

The two of you instantly started up a conversation and shared all kinds of stories. He told you about being up on the mountain while you showed him the scar on your arm from your run in with a cougar.

You were collecting a compendium of all the animals across the heartlands and during the months you worked on it, you ran into John more than once.

He was always curious about your work and you often spent time together in the afternoon sun, showing him the animals you’d found so far.

“What about the stray dogs in town or do you only deal with cougars and wolves?”

“Well they’re animals too aren’t they not?”

Even though you couldn’t see John all the time, he often came along with you to see the wildlife and covered you when you were around particularly dangerous animals and you enjoyed every second you had with him.

Micah Bell

When Micah met you he had absolutely no idea what you were on about. In his mind the whole idea of a palaeontologist is ridiculous and made up, much less the fact that you chose to read books and study in your spare time.

At first he doesn’t do anything but mock your work but after running into you time and time again he finally started to come around.

He grew more and more curious when he saw the drawings in your sketch books of dinosaurs and even more so when he laid eyes on the fossils. But knowing Micah, he’s still incredibly stubborn.

“Ain’t no way that thing is real.”

“One needs an open mind to comprehend what’s prehistoric Mr.Bell. It requires a certain practice.”

Every so often on your work you’d run into Micah who’d be riding around on his horse, just passing by. By now you’d consider him a friend and your face lit up as he pulled a small ammonite fossil from his bag.

It wasn’t really your area of expertise but you could tell he wanted to impress you and seemed almost nervous as you examined the fossil. Nonetheless you could tell it was real and you let him keep the small fossil as a reminder of you until the next time you saw him.

Javier Escuella

Javier meets you when you’re down my the docks, trying to capture the sunlight and noticed him fishing.

Not wanting to disturb him you kept out of his hair until you heard him cheer loudly at a catch he managed to pull in. In your particular interest in animals, you couldn’t help but ask if you could take a photo of the fish he’d caught.

From then on the two of you became friends, often running into each other as you tried to capture landscapes and wildlife.

You’d always spend the day together and you’d show him how to use a camera while he showed you how to fish and play the guitar.

When you spent time apart you’d often write to each other to fill the gap. You’d always send pictures with little writing on the back of them while he sent you poems and songs that he wrote for you, promising to play them for you next time you’d meet.

In your personal journal you have the first picture you ever took of Javier, kept safe between the pages. He’s standing along the docks, facing the away from the water as he holds up a large sturgeon and a large smile.

You and Javier always stay in touch and after he told you of his chaotic and dangerous time in guarma he made light of it by telling you about all the different wildlife he saw while he was there.

Bill Williamson

Bill stumbles upon you in the wild by accident. He’s out scouting a lead when he ended up getting lost through the shrubbery and found you examining flowers closely.

When you told him you were a botanist he looked as if you’d just spoken a different language to him because he didn’t have a clue as to what that meant. Bill always made you laugh fondly at the confused look when you told him all the scientific names of flowers.

In Bill’s mind, a flower was a flower. There was purple flowers and blue flowers and even red ones but they didn’t have their own names.

The next time Bill ran into you he brought you what he thought was a bouquet of white flowers. Instead they were actually a species of weed that was poisonous when eaten but it didn’t stop you from smiling and hugging him which was the intended purpose.

In light of that incident Bill was actually curious about some plants, trying to learn about them more. When Bill went exploring with you he pointed out some of his favourites and you picked a few to put them in the brim of his hat for him to take him back to camp.

When you run into him again Bill tries to give you another flower, this time actually understanding the plant he’d picked was a Vanilla Flower Orchid or the Vanilla planifolia but he never learnt how to pronounce it unlike you.

With a high blush Bill placed the flower behind your ear and you pulled him into a hug, being careful not to crush the beautiful flower.

[wincore]

atlas | kim dongyoung

pairing: doyoung x reader

words: 15.4k

summary: kim doyoung has a lot of titles. student body president, music club president, favourite student of every professor who’s blessed enough to have him. in other words, he’s not your type and never will be. at least he’s a good kisser.

or, you feel the weight of the world on your shoulders and you do not know how to hold things as delicate as glass.

genre: college au, fwb au, hurt/comfort, angst, some fluff 

warnings: very suggestive content, making out, language, smoking, alcohol, mentions of sex under influence, me being pretentious,,

prompt: anonymous said: slippery + doyoung + "you can rely on me, you know." from the first dialogue link! LOVE YOU ❤️

song rec(s): playlist here !

a/n: yes it’s me experimenting out of my comfort zone again. yes you are required by law to listen to keshi while reading this hahahaha anyway writing this was painful. <3 (aka today i tried writing very complex human emotions and failed again. classic.)

In the beginning, there was no beginning. Ergo, this isn’t really a thing.

You shouldn’t be thinking of summer in Introduction to Latin. You are a good (perhaps great, if your ego allows) student after all. Here you are, though, listening to the ticking of the clock and wondering if you sigh loud enough, you won’t have to construct another sentence with the word for ‘death’. You pause to tell yourself that you shouldn’t be thinking of summer out of class either. Unremarkable; that's what it was and you don’t like unremarkable things.

When two people end up alone together, there’s not much to make of. 

“You know,” he had said, locking eyes. “We should get out of here.”

“And then what?”

“Fuck.”

So here’s the thing: this isn’t and won’t be a thing.

Doyoung has never been subtle when drunk, you found out, and he’s not as gentle as he looks. You flip the page of your notebook absentmindedly. You don’t like where your thoughts are going; the clinking of ice against glass rings in your ears again. It’s been far too long (one whole month) and you’re craving a bit of fun. You may forget yourself but you’re reaching your fingertips a little too far to call him again. More excuses pop up. See, in your world of perfection, there’s a hierarchy of things; men rank rather low. 

(Fun doesn’t.)

Here’s another thing: you forget yourself quite often. You know very well that you’re the one who continued this not-thing and now you’re daydreaming of Kim Doyoung in class hours. 

And under grey bed sheets with a tired smile, Doyoung is hard to forget. 

It was a party, it always is. That time, however, was the first party of the year Doyoung and you happened to be attending at the same time. You can’t remember who hosted it—the frat probably—but it was at a bar called the ‘The Meeting Place’ which had too many people you didn’t care about. Doyoung was there, in his laid-back glory, and you were drawn in far too easily. Being single did not help your case—and the alcohol certainly didn’t. You’re not sure if it was the gentle touches against your wrist or quick words that left his mouth or the attractive all-black get-up. All you know is that it was your mouth against his by the end of the night in a small booth, hot and impatient. Once, twice, thrice and you didn’t even need parties anymore. 

It’s not like you weren’t aware of what you were doing; it’s just that you were quick to give in—like you didn’t want to resist in the first place. And now, summer smells like Doyoung’s perfume. 

The first night had given Mr. Student Body President a near-stroke. You weren’t the type to sleep with strange (semi-acquainted) men at parties either so the morning had been full of awkward explanations to each other till you’d kissed him to shut him up (much like in a disgusting romantic comedy, minus the feelings) and somehow, it worked. He didn’t refuse and if you recall, he’d eventually pulled you closer by the waist.

You huff, twirling your pen. He’d never admit it.

You didn’t kiss so sloppily after that, unless it was to make out against a wall or while fumbling with the keys to your apartment. The lack of alcohol can bring wonders. You were a little surprised that he’d agreed—he is the Doyoung you’ve known since freshman year after all; blunt, rude, cares more for his grades than he’d ever for you. How laughable. He’s almost the same as you.

Here’s one last thing: Kim Doyoung is not and cannot be your type. 

You had the same part-time job in your second semester at a local fast food joint, and to summarize, your interactions were less than friendly. You can’t possibly count the number of times he yelled at you for trivial mistakes, and the number of times you sent angry, clipped sentences his way. So, yes, neither of you have told anyone—just acting friendly got you enough eyebrow raises.  If there’s anything worse than contradicting yourself almost directly, it’s having to explain that to your friends. So, you kept it a secret and so did he, for his own reasons.

You massage your forehead. If you think any more of this during class hours, you’re going to have to classify this as a terrible, terrible problem; like you don’t have enough already. You tune in to the lecture again, hoping it drowns out the rest of your thoughts. 

You tap your pen against the desk till you’re asked to stop by the professor. There goes your last resort. It isn’t the first time, but you breathe a sigh of relief at the hands of the clock. Casual means casual—you know it better than anyone. Maybe it would be easier if you could be more open about it. But you can’t. Your own problems aside, Doyoung would kill you if his reputation went down, even a nick. Men like that are so difficult, you curse to yourself. 

You run into Ten in the hallways, brightening at his absurdly wide grin. In fact, you haven’t seen him remotely upset since freshman year, when he couldn’t join the dance club, not because he failed the audition but because he mixed up the dates and missed it entirely. (It’s okay; he got in the next year.)

“Guess what!” he yells before you’re even in conversation range.

“What?” you yell back.

“No, guess,” he says, when you’re close enough.

You roll your eyes. “You scored a date?”

Ten deadpans. “No. I don’t even want one.”

“Loser.”

“No, you.”

“How clever.”

Ten flicks your forehead with no provocation whatsoever, making you yelp in pain. After a minute of cursing on your part, he squishes your cheeks to bring you back to reality—like he wasn’t the cause. You bite your lip to keep yourself from scowling. His hair is still light brown from the bleach, and you fix his bangs out of habit; your dumb friends are all you have at the end of the day. You sigh. They all lean on you unwittingly.

“Anyway, the news? I’m not guessing anything else,” you warn, taking a sip of your coffee.

“Well,” he draws out the syllable. “I heard- know you’re into the smart type. You know, student council kinda guys? So…”

You choke, the coffee leaving your mouth just as quick as it entered.

“Who told you that?” The laugh that leaves your mouth is forced and certainly fake but it’s the best you can do.

Ten rolls her eyes, still smiling. “I was thinking if you would be interested in a certain Park Hyungmin.”

Oh. Student body vice-president. He’s most definitely your type, with a gifted body and equally strong academic prowess—not to mention perfectly maintained tan skin and the most radiant smile you’ve ever seen in your life. 

“Oh, yeah, he’s hot,” you nod in agreement. “What do you want me to do with him?”

“He likes you. Like, totally has the hots for you. And I owe him so please help me out here.”

You furrow your brows, heaving a deep sigh.

“You...want me to go on a date with him?” you ask. 

You can oblige. Park Hyungmin is the hottest dude on campus (probably). It’s a win-win situation—in fact, it’s even better. A certain bitter taste finds itself in your mouth. It must be the coffee. You swallow it. 

“Yeah.”

And the deal’s done.

It was casual commitment, like most things you do for fun. You don’t think much of it, and the thought takes its final bow when you run into Doyoung himself.

Well, sort of.

You turn heel when he appears in your line of sight, pretending to fix your hair against a damn wall. You aren’t quite ready to face him yet, considering the coffee hasn’t kicked in—it’s not healthy how much you depend on it. Dependence is different, however, from consciously drowning yourself in it. 

See, Doyoung is anything but tolerable without a few shots of vodka. Or after sex. Or when he’s mumbling in his sleep. And you can’t erase any of those scenes. This is you trying to save yourself (and Doyoung) from embarrassment and a whole lot of explanation.

His coat looks expensive and you’d rather he had it on instead of on his arm. The tucked-in sweater and pants combo accentuates the line of his waist and the colour—you wonder where he found a teal so fitting—looks serene in the crowd. He’s wearing his glasses though, looking a little less put together than usual. Still, no one seems to notice and he continues to explain something to his group of friends.

God forbid you find Doyoung attractive during daytime.

His lips are chapped but pink as ever, the hair messed up by either the wind or his friends—you should stop staring by now. You give in. You’ll text him to book a hotel room tonight.

Sometimes you wonder how he has that large a friend circle, and always, the question answers itself. Eloquence, wit and regrettably, good looks—what does he lack? Maybe if he lost the habit to nag people around fifty-six times a day, he’d be the perfect man.  

An arm slings over your shoulder, punting the soul right out of your body.

“Fuck, Johnny, don’t do that,” you hiss, placing your hand over your chest involuntarily. 

The head of the photography club apparently spends his time terrorizing everyone he remotely knows. You make a foul expression but iIt’s not like he ever minds your scowling. He says he’s had enough practice from teasing Doyoung (and you’ll admit, it’s the only time you feel sorry for him). You were certain Doyoung would have filed him for harassment sometime in sophomore year. 

“What are you even looking at?” Johnny asks, raising an eyebrow at the plain offwhite expanse of the wall in front of you.

You feel hot at the neck. “I was fixing my hair.”

“In front of a wall?”

You click your tongue. “Do you not have class?”

“Oh, don’t be so quick to send me off.” He places a hand over his chest in mock hurt, fingers stretched delicately. 

To your dismay, the rest of his friends gather around giving you happy greetings—greetings only carefree college boys are capable of delivering. To your further dismay, Kim Doyoung arches an eyebrow at you, the same way he does on nights you’re doing things less than appropriate to think of in broad daylight.

“Hey, Doyoung, don’t you have anything to say? Or were you too drunk to remember?”

You bite down on your lip a little too hard. Doyoung, on the other hand, looks like he’s just seen God, stammering out a “what?” nevertheless.

“Weren’t you supposed to buy (name) a drink for driving you home that night?”

“Right,” he says, clearing his throat.

Oh, he’s bought you a drink enough times. Summer has waned but whatever thread you tied around your wrists hasn’t. Right now, your guess is that Doyoung has been ensnared in the common ritual for college boys to walk around campus and declare their friend is single just to embarrass him (or by some miracle, score him a date).

Everything, apart from the way you look at Doyoung, feels like a charade. You shake your head with a quick laugh, smacking Johnny in the arm and pay your condolences to Doyoung—keep it light. You’re good at it, or pretending you’re good at it, at the very least.

Doyoung’s gaze on you lingers for a moment and then you breathe. You’re going to be late for class—you offer the classic excuse and you’re out of there. In a way, it’s exciting. You’ve always wanted to have a secret relationship, even if this isn’t a real one. 

Doyoung is like the summer breeze, and you’d like for him to stay that way.

The next time you grace each other’s presence is when Doyoung’s tongue is in your mouth and his hands are running up under your shirt. 

He’s quite a pretty sight—messy hair, red lips and rosy cheeks. He moans into the kiss as he has quite a few times now and there’s the lovers’ high running through either of your minds. When he presses his lips to your neck, a soft restrained sound escapes you, not quite prepared for the sting of electricity through your skin. He moves to your collarbone and shoulders and then even lower, hands gripping your waist tight. The walls do not have ears here; these hotels are cheap but they’re built for privacy and maybe you’ll let yourself believe for once that you can belong to someone.

“Why did you text me in the middle of the goddamn night?” he mutters against the base of your neck.

“You want reasons now?” you whisper, hands running through his hair.

Doyoung has pretty fingers, pressing at the right places and prettier eyes that look at you with something akin to, dare you say it, love. He kisses you like he hasn’t had enough; and it makes you feel important.

He’s even better when he’s annoyed.

You wake up at around five in the morning. Propping yourself up on one arm, you take a moment to look at your partner. It’s easy to make out the line of his nose against the pillow, and if you focus, you can see his lashes against his cheek and his dark mop of hair clinging to his forehead. However gentle the moonlight is, it is kindest on a lover. 

Funny.

Too tired to sneak out, you go back to sleep.

“All I’m saying is that you have too much coffee,” Doyoung complains, slipping on his loose black sweatshirt. “It can’t be good for your health.”

You shake your head, scrolling through your phone as you lay on your belly. You’ve seen this view enough times—his back to you and sitting at the opposite edge of the bed, his incessant complaints and opinions about something that happened recently, running his hand through his hair when he sighs. You press on the calendar app and type in a note labeled ‘x’. Keeping tabs isn’t a bad thing; especially if you like order. Spending too many nights with someone is going to land you in trouble. That said, if you could trap love in a bottle, you would.

“You taste like coffee,” Doyoung adds with reddening ears.

Sometimes, it’s easy to ignore what he says if you listen to the sound of his voice instead. You sit up, scooting closer as Doyoung shoots you an alarmed look. He’s so cute like this; something about all the painted fences he puts up around him makes you want to lean in closer.

“So,” you poke his side. “How many relationships have you been in? Proper ones.”

“Three,” he answers, to your surprise.

Your eyebrows shoot up. “That’s more than I’ve been in!”

Doyoung furrows his. “How many have you been in?”

“One.”

He seems equally surprised but doesn’t probe further. After all, the price sticker that spells ‘youth’ clings to his forehead just as it clings to yours. 

“How many people have you fucked?” you ask suddenly, enjoying the visible flush across his neck.

“You’re doing this on purpose,” he notes, flicking your forehead.

“Ow!” You place your palm against your forehead. “Okay, I get it, you have nothing to brag about.”

He shakes his head, an exasperated sigh leaving him. “I just don’t think you have to know. I like privacy.”

“Wait.” You gasp. “Don’t tell me- That night- don’t tell me you were a virgin—”

Doyoung squishes your cheeks between his thumb and forefinger, a laugh erupting from your mouth. 

“Who’s a virgin?”

Nothing about this, you find yourself realizing, is complicated. It’s easy, gentle, natural, like a breath of fresh air—everything but complicated. Even under dim lights and within the depths of night, Doyoung is warm and uncomplicated. His chest, his hands, his lips—they are warm, as are his words. 

But Doyoung is a fucking fairytale.  

Even after these few months, all you know about him, in the definitive format, is that he plays the keys for more hours than he sleeps. What he does for fun, what his classes are, how he became student body president—you could play guessing games all night.

“Do your friends know where you spend your nights?” you ask, leaning back against the pillows.

“They know what I’m doing, not who I’m with,” he responds, running his fingers through his hair.

You purse your lips. It’s nothing hurtful but you don’t like the hush-hush in his tone.

“Why not?”

“Because this is a secret,” he responds as if it’s the most natural thing in the world. “Do you want them to know?”

He’s right.

“Ah, whatever,” you mutter, a stream of curses following when your elbow collides hard with the edge of the bedside table. 

“Your mouth is filthy.” He looks away to his phone. “I don’t swear as much.”

“Well, of course it is. I had your—”

Doyoung presses his palm against your lips with a tired sigh. “Please. Don’t speak. For the sake of my sanity.”

You smile under his hand and he returns it; and the November morning warms up.

“Where were you last night?”

You were expecting the question. Areum is the worst possible candidate for a roommate if you want some privacy. You don’t think she ever sleeps; sometimes, you wonder if she even showers because all she does is stare at her laptop screen and adjust her designs. Her lips are always chapped and her hair is always in a simple low ponytail but somehow still messy. You’ve never met someone so exhausted yet so full of life at the same time.

“Who were you with last night?” Eunji yells from the bathroom, before the two of them laugh.

You knew you shouldn’t have stayed the morning. You have the nosiest roommates anyone could (not) ask for. But they’re still your friends, you tell yourself begrudgingly. You would tell them about Doyoung if it weren’t for Eunji’s big mouth and Areum’s lack of common sense. And if it weren’t for the inherent comfort of privacy.

(Some part of you wants to keep him to yourself. You don’t care about student council president Doyoung or his friend group’s everything-regulator Doyoung or always-has-his-shit-together Doyoung. The one in your bed is the most loving.)

Areum adjusts her glasses, narrowing her eyes at you. “So? Any answer?”

You break out of your daydream at her voice, feeling a flush creep up your neck.

“I don’t have to explain anything,” you retort, snatching the coffee she brewed from the tabletop. “It was a Friday night and the two of you like Netflix more than me.”

“That’s mine,” Areum mumbles out a weak complaint.

“But don’t go out alone,” Eunji whines. “It can’t be safe.”

You laugh. “You know me. I don’t do anything too dangerous. Besides, you guys have that tracker app.”

They shrug, offering you a thin smile. A part of you is happy that they trust you but another part wonders what it would be like to be worried over. Maybe getting nagged isn’t so bad. 

You take a sip of Areum’s coffee and almost spit it out right back. 

“Did you add salt?” you ask, wiping at your mouth and hoping the taste disappears.

“Uh.” A reply so intelligent, you wonder if she ever pays attention to anything she's doing. 

You take a moment (a few), sigh (several times) and make your way to the shelves. Grumbling, you make her a proper cup of coffee before you leave.

Classes don’t wait for you (even if you think they should) and the world doesn’t wait for you (again, you think it should wait for people) so you’ve made it a point to understand the whole deal about rules. If everyone followed the rules, it would be quite a pretty scene; messing up is only valid if it’s done prettily. You laugh at the thought. That’s near impossible. The bus ride to the campus consists of music and thoughts of bleak tomorrows—an average commute for college kids, you think. You sure hope you aren’t alone in this.

Doyoung smiles at you in the hallway today, and despite your best efforts, it makes your day smell a little fresher.

Your day: classes, coffee break, classes, complaining with Ten, assignments, ‘me’ time. For someone who pretends to be laid back, you use your planner as though for survival. There’s no sticky notes or colourful sketches (except on occasion); just good old fashioned to-do lists and a calendar marked with time you’ve spent on productivity. Every day is a list to be completed. If people call routine a man-made cage, instinct is the biological cage. You’d rather be in control of the cage you’re in. You’d rather be in control of yourself. It’s scary otherwise.

So you know how to get the job done—it’s ingrained into you the same way you would place your hands over your ears at loud sounds, or the way you would run to your bed in the dark after switching off the lights.

It never occurs to you that the reason your world is so perfect is a sad one.

Sometime next month, it’s going to snow. Not yet though, and it’s still too cold.

The inside of the cafe helps the slightest, the heaters situated far back from where you sit. Christmas decorations are up already and the combination of red and green meshes delightfully into the form of an aching headache. The wood paneling on the walls are worn at the corners, the garlands hardly covering them, and the barista behind the counter seems as gloomy as the decorations are bright. You wouldn’t be noticing all of this if you weren’t stuck in one position.

You lean your cheek further into your palm and sigh, only this time Ten asks you to, quote, ‘shut the fuck up’.

He pulls up his sleeve and reaches for another pencil. His cryptic process continues, as it has been for the past half an hour and you feel yourself getting impatient, trying to not bounce your leg and get another bout of quibbling from your half-mad artist friend. You don’t usually run low on patience; but Ten has a special pass to test drive it.

“How much lon—”

“Shh!” He hushes you quickly. You can’t remember why you agreed to being his portrait study subject but you sure as hell regret it.

Around fifteen minutes later, you take a (permitted) breath. You have neither the energy nor the neck strength to glare at Ten but you make sure to show your displeasure by snatching the cookies from the table with a particularly sour look. He gets up and pushes you to the side of the small worn-out couch offered by the equally small booth.

“God, that chair was uncomfortable. My butt is frozen solid,” he lets you know, and you roll your eyes.

“You know, if we weren’t friends in high school, I would never be friends with you,” you state.

Ten tilts his head to the side, a mocking pout over his lips. “I would die without you, (name). Really.”

You smack his arm and he yelps, smacking your arm right back. The sound attracts some attention and giggles, and you make a gagging gesture to let them know you are in way or form in a relationship. The low-volume music changes to something with a more distinguishable beat, the sound of doors opening and closing almost every two minutes accompanying. Arriving on time is an accomplishment, especially arriving before rush hour on Fridays at the only decent cafe on campus, but both of your classes end early and there is no way you aren’t taking advantage of that. Leaving, however, is mostly done when you’re being glared at by the waiters and waitresses.

“Doyoung asked about you,” Ten says, all of a sudden. “Kim Doyoung.”

You try to not show concern, but raise an eyebrow. “What? So? He’s not my type or anything.”

You bite your tongue. That was too quick a response, too obvious. Your cheeks grow hot. Ten doesn't say anything, however, and for a moment, you think you’re in safe waters. 

“Are you guys… into each other or not?”

You cough, trying to show your surprise at something so outrageous. “Why would you think that? Does he look like someone who dates around?”

“Actually, he’s been on quite a few dates.”

“No way.”

You know that. He’s told you about it before, in vague references, but you know about them nonetheless.

“Isn’t one student council guy enough?” you mumble. “Why are we talking about Doyoung?”

He shrugs, a familiar feline smile on his face. “Just asking. He talks about you sometimes. Actually, we forced it out of him but whatever.”

You shake your head. “You’re all terrible.”

“You seem to like him though.”

“Who said that?”

Ten sighs, ignoring your question. “If you guys are dating—”

“We’re not.”

“—or fucking—”

“Ten.”

“—you should learn a thing or two about him. The guy’s not as annoying as he looks. Or stuck-up. He’s really nice but don’t tell him I said that.”

“I know that,” you snap, feeling warm at the neck all of a sudden. “I know him.”

“Oh, you do? Tell me what his hobbies are then. Or his major. Or the clubs he’s in, apart from the student council.”

“He- He likes to sing and he’s- he’s—god, what is this? An interrogation? I’m not going to meet his mom for dinner.”

Ten gives you an ‘I knew it’ look before leaning his elbow onto the table. “You’re sleeping with a guy you don’t know anything about. Serial killers would love you.”

You massage your forehead. “Look, I know he’s a good guy, okay? And he’s sweet- and- and—wait a minute. Oh my god, you tricked me.”

Ten lets out a snort. “Hey. Okay, look, the other guys might be dumb as shit but I have, you know, a working set of eyes. I can tell. It’s not that hard.”

You grumble but the cat’s out of the bag anyway. You should’ve known Ten would figure it out—he’s a nosy little shit, and he’s been that way since high school.

“Whatever. As long as Doyoung doesn’t start panicking about his tarnished reputation or whatever.”

“Oh, I think he’s desperate to let everyone know.”

“To you, Ten, everything seems obvious. It’s annoying.” You mess up his hair.

“No, I mean, I thought you were dating.”

“Well, we’re not.”

Ten shrugs. 

“And I don’t like him,” you add. “I like the- the thing that’s going on because there’s no feelings attached.”

He looks somewhat pained, eyebrows furrowed and lips pursed, but doesn’t respond to your explanation. “Can I ask for a favour?”

“No.”

Ten sighs. “Come on. You didn’t even hear me out.”

“You’re going to say something stupid. Or insulting.”

“It’s neither, promise.”

You run your hand through your hair, breathing shallow. “Fine. I don’t have to agree though.”

Ten purses his lips. “It’d be better if you did.”

You hum in response, biting into the cookie and trying to ignore the glare from the nearby waitress. It’s about time you left anyway.

“Get to know him, dude. Don’t break his heart.”

“What?”

“Just kidding. There’s a party tonight. Hosted by yours truly. Finally moved out of that stinky dorm room. Bring over some friends but not more than three. And lend me some money for a juicebox.”

“That’s a lot,” you mutter. “You ask for a lot of favours.”

“Oh, speaking of which, Hyungmin—”

“He already asked me out on a date. Am I supposed to say no? You never mentioned he has such an attractive voice.”

“Oh, I’m not telling you to not go on that date. You have to, actually. I’m going to be in a lot of trouble otherwise.”

“That sounds good to me.”

“Shut up. I’m not done speaking.”

You roll your eyes.

“But if you didn’t, I could draw some conclusions.”

“What am I, your chemistry experiment now?”

“Well, you and Doyoung seem to be—”

“Don’t complete that sentence.”

“I was going to say something funny.” 

Ten flashes you a blinding smile and you sigh. By now, you’re about to get kicked out of here so you stand up discreetly while he packs up his stuff. You hug your jacket close to you as soon as you leave, shivering at the evening breeze. The sky is inky, but with a faint sort of ink—deep blue and light, all at once. From the crowd, you can tell classes just got over for quite a few people, eclectic chatter filling up the street.

“Fine. I’ll bring Eunji,” you tell Ten after some contemplation. “And whoever else responds to my text first. Areum never leaves the room. You know that.”

“Thanks, (name)!” he messes up your hair. “I would give you a kiss but someone will end up punching my pretty face.”

You furrow your brows. “Well, you’re not my type anyway.”

“I’m too good for you,” he responds in a sing-song manner, waving at you before running off and disappearing into the university crowd.

There’s always a sort of buzz in the air you can’t quite describe at college parties.

Even if this is a relatively small one, you feel an oncoming headache the moment you enter Ten’s new apartment, which you’re sure had a ‘no parties’ rule in the rental contract. You spot Kun, Ten’s roommate from the dorms and he flashes you a quick smile in greeting before he’s swept up by a doting crowd. Apparently, a cute guy in animal sciences is rare and it makes him rather popular.

Eunji disappears from your side the moment she spots Johnny, and the number of eye rolls you’ve given her haven’t warned her off him yet. You suppose it takes heartbreak to change a person. Sighing, you make your way to the kitchen only to be greeted with the strange sight of Yuta trying to balance Jaehyun on his back so they can imitate some anime formation and back out immediately. Living room, it is, despite its populous space. (You don’t really want to think of bedrooms right now.)

The apartment is quite big for what Ten told you the rent was. The hallway to the two bedrooms is narrow but you suppose something has to be sacrificed for space. You furrow your eyebrows at the two bedroom doors. Ten never said he was getting a roommate. You shrug it off, sitting down on the rather stiff couch. The lack of furniture, apart from the couch and a coffee table, makes the place look even larger and people sparse. You like the beige walls; Ten’s always loved warmer colours but something makes you think he’s going to be ruining them in a few days with garish green paint before he comes crying about that to you.

“Hey.”

You look up to the familiar voice, heart rising to your throat.

“You look like you’ve seen a ghost,” Doyoung remarks before sitting down beside you and offering you a cup of god-knows-what.

“I don’t take drinks from strange men,” you say, biting down your smile and crossing your arms.

“If you didn’t take drinks from strange men, we wouldn’t be fu—”

“Doyoung!” you hiss before looking at him with careful suspicion. “Are you drunk?”

“No. A little bit. Not enough.”

You sigh. “How will you get home now?”

“I live here, idiot.”

“You’re- You’re Ten’s roommate?” you sputter.

“Yeah. New one,” he responds. “He used to live across our room in the dorms, I can’t believe I actually agreed to this.”

“I can’t believe it either. I’ve seen cats and dogs friendlier with each other than the two of you.”

Doyoung laughs. “He’s surprisingly one of the better people to room with. I’d rather eat my own blanket than room with Yuta again.”

You laugh at his irked expression, eyebrows furrowed so cutely. The line of his brow bone to nose to lips, it seems a little too perfect to belong to someone. He relaxes his shoulders a little, leaning back on the couch as he looks somewhat lost in thought. (“You think too much,” you’d told him once. “And you think too little.”) If only that were true, you smile to yourself.

“Are you sure you can hold parties here?” you as when the music suddenly rises in volume.

“Well, it said student-friendly,” Doyoung responds, looking visibly disturbed. “Not sure if I want to test the limits of that so early.”

There’s a pause, filled in with loud pop music. You don’t think Ten, your dear introvert, would have agreed to such a party but there’s a chance Johnny or Jaehyun had something to do with this. You don’t know who to suspect when it comes to their group of friends.

“I still can’t believe you’re rooming with Ten.” You look at Doyoung.

“Well, that makes, what, eleven of us, I guess?”

You laugh, feeling conscious all of sudden. Maybe you should listen to Ten’s advice.

“Doyoung,” you call, looking at the cup in your hands a little too passionately. “What’s your major?”

He looks at you with eyes widened ever so slightly, and a pause over his lips.

“Linguistics,” he answers.

“Oh. You said something about it once,” you mumble, recalling something vague about an assignment of his. “You know mine?”

“Yeah,” he answers, eyes cast on his watch.

“Well, that makes me feel a little guilty,” you mumble as softly as you can.

“You should be,” he says. “You never listen to anything I say.”

You scoff. “You just complain most of the time.”

“Really now?”

“Yes,” you snap, looking away.

You look back again when you hear the sound of Doyoung’s laugh, a distinct brightness in it. Sometimes, you wonder if you really are as awful as you’ve made yourself be.

“You’re cute,” he says. “No wonder everyone is so in love with you.”

For a moment, you think he’s going to kiss you.

“Everyone?” you laugh. You don’t care about everyone. It’s burdensome.

“Everyone. They hate you too, by the way.” He smiles to himself. “Heard you’re going on a date with that dimwit. Hyungmin.”

You feel a sudden discomfort in your being. Taking a sip of the drink, you try to shake it off as best as you can. 

“Yeah, I- I don’t think I’ll go,” you say, waving it off. 

Why are you lying? You left it hanging on a maybe. Part of you wants to tell Doyoung; he is your friend after all and you tell friends stuff like this. The other part tells you this is cheating; lying and pretending everything is okay—it feels like cheating. 

“Oh.” He looks lost before he focuses on you. “Why not?”

“Why do you care?” you ask, trying desperately to calm the uprising in your chest.

He stays quiet for a few seconds and then shrugs, looking away from you. It makes you feel a little guilty to dismiss the situation so quickly, another item to add to your troubles. You sigh.

“Sorry,” you say. “I didn’t mean it like that.”

“No, it’s okay. You’re right.” You can see his Adam's apple bob up and down.

“I’m not,” you say. “I’m wrong. I really didn’t mean it.”

He looks at you all at once, his gaze so gentle that it makes you think he wants to kiss you, or do something equally affectionate. Instead he sighs, downing whatever’s left of his drink before a wash of sudden looseness does away with the tension in his body.

“You have any more questions for me?” he asks, smiling. “What's it like to be student body president—or, or what instruments can I play? My favourite animal? Colour?”

You smile back. “What is your favourite animal?”

“I don’t have one. Don’t like them. Unless it’s a soft toy.”

“No way. You’re lying.”

“Now, I answer your questions and you call me a liar? Makes me a little hesitant to answer the next.”

You roll your eyes. “Okay, next then. Why didn’t you join the frat? All your friends are in it.”

“Hurts my ego.”

You laugh. He’s still probably an honorary member. There is no way he’s apart from friends for too long with all those feelings of fraternity he has, no matter what he says. It’s the same as you. Affection leads nowhere though; just to short-lived moments of comfort.

You realize, through the course of the night, that you never asked. How he got into the student council, what his classes are, what he does for fun—you never asked. It’s almost like you didn’t want to know. 

How sad, you muse to yourself, to be this way. To be so wrapped up in your own problems that you fail to see people around you. Pity, however, isn’t something to feel at a party. You talk with Doyoung for the rest of the night till the sound of his voice makes you feel certain ghosts of butterflies, and till you have to take Eunji home before she does something she regrets. This is what it really means to have the price tag of ‘youth’ strung across you perhaps—when you feel old and immature all at once, and in between, when you feel nothing at all.

Doyoung is too old to mistake love. Or too young. 

Labels don’t define anything, especially when it comes to relationships—so even if he calls it love, whispers it to himself at midnight when he’s sitting alone on his bed while his friends are passed out drunk on the floor, it is empty. And then there’s you. The heat of your skin, the curse of your smile and that cheeky laugh you do to get on his nerves. He wants all of it and he’s not ashamed—but he’d be a liar to say he can shout it to the whole world. He’s not that kind of man, and what is his can remain his without the rest of the world prying its damn fingers in. The first night, no, the second—third? He can’t remember which night it was but something pent up in him exploded and he didn’t try to control it for once.

“Ow,” he mutters.

His throat burns from the whiskey. He hates drinking alone but you’re either asleep or with friends and he can’t think of anyone else but you. He tugs at the turtleneck collar, getting uncomfortable by the minute, and then proceeds to take off his coat.

For a moment, he considers getting back to the living room. There were more than enough people with lingering touches against his shoulder and longing gazes—they’re not you. He leans back onto his bed. Another hour and everyone will be gone; why did he even let them hold a party in the first place? Parties just remind him of you—he takes a whiff and smells summer and lemon vodka all of a sudden. A deep sigh leaves his lips.

You might not seem to find yourself especially sad, but Doyoung finds something oddly touching about you. Maybe it’s the way you say his name, he muses, like you’re desperately trying to fill the gaps. But it can’t be him in particular, of course—it’s a lover, any lover.

He hates long nights, just as he hates winter but lately, they haven’t been feeling too cold. Isn’t it ridiculous the way he’s running after you? Doyoung was never meant for this. It’s fucking pathetic and it makes him want to tear all his hair out but there he is, still and quiet in the same place. A certain agony makes its way through him. His hands are freezing and yet his insides are burning—nothing makes sense and right now, he doesn’t want it to. He presses his cold hands to the warmth of his cheeks and a laugh erupts from his mouth.

He must be going crazy to laugh like this in an empty room. The car lights from the window travel slowly from wall to ceiling, the only thing moving in the stagnant of his room.

Inevitably, he thinks of the end. It should come quick; in fact, he’s never been one to do this. He’s always been someone to get attached to people. He doesn’t know how the end will come because this shouldn’t have begun in the first place.

Doyoung’s out of breath.

“Crazy bastard,” he mumbles to himself, followed by a groan when he lifts his head up. As if on cue, the door opens and shuts with a bang. Ten walks in looking drowsy, running his hand through his hair with a disgruntled face.

“I hate to say this,” he slurs. “But you’re right. We can’t have extra furniture and parties. Gotta choose one.”

Ten lays down flat on the bed. “I vote out that ugly ass clock you bought. Why do we need it? We have phones and laptops.”

“It was a gift,” Doyoung mutters.

“Oh. Uh. Actually, someone already, uh—”

“Leave it. We’ll talk about that in the morning.” 

Doyoung massages his forehead, groaning at the pain when Ten suddenly decides he’s all up for cuddling. 

“Ew,” he says, scooting away from Ten. “Get away from me.”

“You don’t mean that,” Ten whines, trying very hard to pull Doyoung into a hug. Of course, his attempts are blocked by Doyoung’s palm against his forehead.

After a few more seconds of trying, Ten huffs and turns away, crossing his arms. “I don’t like you anyway.”

“I know,” Doyoung mutters.

Ten erupts into laughter, sounding more like a psychopath than a close friend of his.

“You do that every time you like someone?” he asks in between fits.

Doyoung raises an eyebrow. “I just said—okay, yeah. Whatever.”

There’s a much needed silence and Doyoung wonders if he can just fall asleep without kicking Ten out.

“You should tell (name),” Ten says all of a sudden, Doyoung’s heart stopping at your name.

“What?” he whispers.

Ten looks at him as though he’s talking to a particularly stupid child. It makes Doyoung scowl but there’s too much alcohol in his system to know if he really means it.

“You don’t- you’re- everyone in this goddamn building knows,” Ten explains, exasperated. “Jaehyun knows, and he’s the densest kid I’ve ever met. God, if you like (name), go for it.”

Doyoung blushes so deep, he considers pressing his palms to his cheeks again. He thinks for the next few moments. Ah well, if they had to find out, he’s glad he didn’t have to declare it himself.

“Whatever, just ask (name) out. It can’t be that complicated.”

Except it is. You don’t have to spell it out for him—he knows the way you feel. The two of you only ever wanted one thing out of this. But if there’s something Doyoung isn’t good at, it’s keeping his mouth shut. He wonders how many times he let it slip, wonders if you even care enough to notice. God, it’s starting to sound pitiful for him.

“Ten. How much did you drink?” Doyoung asks, raising his head.

“Nothing. None. I’m not drunk.” Ten shrugs. “Just sleepy.”

A ‘wow’ is all Doyoung can respond with. He still isn’t quite finished figuring out what sort of horrific planet Ten stumbled from. A notification ding distracts him from kicking Ten off his bed and he has half a mind to toss it onto the bedside table but it’s still half. He softens almost immediately.

It’s a text from you: a ‘u’ followed by a smiley face and then a meme he can’t quite read through hazy eyes. He finds himself smiling anyway and sends a barrage of emojis, whatever he finds because he likes the way you get annoyed at them. Sighing, he decides that’s enough. He’s not in the right state of mind for conversation.

Doyoung shuts his phone off, attempts to push Ten off the bed one last time before closing his eyes and dozing off.

Not every day is meant to be fun—you know that in your twenties—but it’s still somewhat disappointing to have bad days. Like youth is meant to give you some sort of happiness daily. That’s what they make it sound like.

You groan, rubbing at your back. Sitting at your study desk for so long does not have good long term effects. At least, your temporary, meaningless assignments are done. You scowl at the text on your laptop screen; the more you look at it, the more you hate it and so, you shut it off. It’s not like your pissy professor is going to be impressed by anything you do. However, you like the orderly certainty of schoolwork.

Break time consists of guilt and sugary snacks. You’re done with most everything and you suppose leaving the final review of things to a later date can’t hurt. In fact, it sounds rather appeasing. A few more moments pass in making a decision.

You get dressed. The apartment feels eerie all alone, and you’re sure as hell not going to spend the rest of your evening here. You shiver, quickly striding out the front door and locking it before taking out your phone.

People misunderstand winter. Winter is only the end of things; and sometimes, the beginning. It isn’t cruel or crushing, it’s just taking its course. However, you have a tendency to blame seasons for all that happen in it. For instance, you shouldn’t be missing summer when you really miss the first night with Doyoung. 

He picks up after calling thrice. You wonder what he’s even up to, if Saturday evenings are also booked full for such a guy.

“Why do you take so long to pick up?” you complain. “Do you not get days off?”

“I’m busy,” he hisses. 

Something’s wrong.

You pause, unsure what to do. It’s not his voice but the one in the background that catches your attention. 

Inviting him somewhere. 

Rather sensually.

Your ears feel hot and you drop the call. Of course. Of fucking course. You’re the idiot thinking it was a thing. This whole thing is casual—feeling sorry wasn’t in the contract. Fucking around was.

It’s not like you’ll be heartbroken by something like this. Of course not. Of course. Doyoung and you never had a beginning so there isn’t an end, really. It’s fine. It’s fine. You take a deep breath and browse through your phone. With the onset of Christmas holidays, you have around three options left. Ten (yikes), Jaehyun (no way) or the latest addition, Hyungmin.

Well, you’re dressed. You have to go somewhere. And your statement about Hyungmin being the hottest guy on campus still stands.

You send two texts to the boy before deciding that’s apparently enough time waiting. He picks up after a few rings, voice groggy from what you assume to be a late afternoon nap.

“You up for a drink?” You cut to the point.

“Uh? Oh, uh, now? I am, of course- I just need—”

“Twenty minutes. I’ll text you the address.”

Nothing cheers you up like your favourite bar. Or friends. Or people who respond to calls.

Hongdae is as busy as ever. You knew the bar would be packed but not this packed. Still, you managed to grab a seat at the bar table. With the oncoming night, the smell is just going to get worse—so there’s nothing wrong with treating yourself to some lemon vodka (and its refreshing scent).

Hyungmin arrives exactly four minutes early, and the mussed up hair makes you think he must have been in a hurry. For what, you can’t be sure. 

You can still see the inklings of Hongdae nightlights on his hair right before he enters, and in the fallacy of that moment, you think it’s going to be Doyoung. You sigh. This isn’t the time for that.

“Sorry,” you say, gesturing to the bar table. “All the tables were booked.”

“No, no,” he responds quickly. “I actually prefer it here.”

He’s tall, not that it’s the first time you’re noticing, but even when he’s sitting, he’s at least two heads taller than you are. His shoulders are accentuated by the mocha coat, no doubt part of the latest trend this winter. As a fashion student, he hits the mark and more. 

For a moment, you feel bad for knowing his major. Ten let it slip about him and yet still, you feel guilty for remembering it. You’re not supposed to go into unnecessary detail about people that don’t matter. Does he matter? 

“Surprised you could make it,” you joke half-heartedly. “Aren’t you lot always busy with something?”

He laughs. “The student council? Oh, we’re busy alright.”

Busy. Right.

“What about you? Aren’t you part of like three different clubs?”

“So what kind of busy?” you ask, ignoring his question. You’re part of two, now that you left the music club last semester. It’s not like small talk matters though.

“Uh,” he hesitates. “You know- attend meetings and events, coordinate committee work, supervise stuff, etcetera etcetera. So busy, yeah.”

“Busy on Saturdays too?” you ask, before thanking the bartender for the drinks.

“Yeah, I guess. Doyoung has it worse than me honestly. Even now, he has to take care of stuff because of me. Hah…”

You gulp down your drink making Hyungmin raise an eyebrow in concern. “Stuff? Because of you?”

“Yeah.” Hyungmin scratches the back of his head. “He’s with the girls.”

“Girls?” you ask, playing with the glass. You’re starting to feel annoyed, red lining your vision.

“Yeah.” He makes no notion of clarifying his statement.  

“Must be quite the president,” you say, resting your cheek against your palm.

“Oh, he’s a nightmare.” Hyungmin laughs. “He has to control everything.”

You try to mask your scoff. You know what he can be like when you’re working beside him. 

“Oh, and the guy has no sense of humour,” Hyungmin laughs, the sound easy on the ears.

You blink.

“I think he’s funny,” you say quickly. You swear you have no idea why you sound so defensive.

He hums in response and you consider biting your tongue, telling him you’re only here for one thing and forgetting the uncomfortable churning of feelings inside your chest.

“Forget I- I’m a little confused today.” 

Is that an acceptable explanation? You can’t think straight enough to decide. The silence on Hyungmin’s part, however, worries you. The crowd around you fills in for the next few moments as your companion seems to debate something with himself.

“Look, I know you and Doyoung are… I don’t know, something.”

You huff in irked amusement. “God, does everyone seem to know?”

“Not until late actually.” Hyungmin takes a gulp. “He’s been acting weird. Doyoung.” 

You look away, breathing shallow. You don’t like it, the way things seem to be getting out of hand. All this time, the world seemed to be in the palm of your hand and now, it’s spilling everywhere; the sand in the hourglass is already up to your knees and you don’t know what happens when it fills.

“Do you actually like him?” he asks, leaning back just a little. You know where this is going. “Are you guys dating?”

“No,” you respond, checking your watch.

“Oh.”

There’s a moment’s hesitation in him but you’ve seen that look before. You know that look.

“Then we can- uh- we can—”

“Fuck?” you ask.

He gulps. “I mean, you can say no any time—”

You pull him by the collar and kiss him, hard enough to melt away your hovering thoughts. He kisses like you expect him to, not how you want him to. You know this sort, and somehow, that makes you feel comfortable. Knowing what you’re getting into is easing but it doesn’t lessen the weight of it.

It’s sickening. The way you’re pretending it’s Doyoung.

Hyungmin pulls apart, panting heavily. “Oh, okay.”

“Tell me you drove here.” 

He holds up his car keys in response.

You’re not the type to sleep with strange (semi-acquainted) men, but it’s better than falling in love with them.

So you follow a lover to a hotel room and try to feel something. Some time, when he’s kissing you against the hotel room walls, he pulls apart and asks, “You’re thinking of someone else, aren’t you?”

You know the answer; it just won’t leave your lips.

“It’s okay,” he says with a weak smile, “Let’s just have fun.”

And every time his mouth was on yours, every time you saw stars, you felt the ghost of Doyoung and his haunting touches. It was strange and unfair and unlike you—or at least, unlike the you that you built over the past few years. You feel as though you’ve misplaced something—like something was supposed to be there when you reached out but instead, it was empty space.

The night ends as it should and you leave right before dawn with an apology text you couldn’t put half your heart into.

Most winter nights, you wake up with pain so profound, it’s seeping into your bones.

It never made sense. You never tried to make sense of it. So you let the aches push you down by the shoulders, lodge itself into your neck and back; and you tell yourself, it must be what you deserve. It’s cold and you’re walking barefoot on frozen ground.

You gasp. The weight of who you are and who you have to be—it has its knee on the back of your neck, shoving you into the damp earth. There’s no particular reason to it; it makes it seem as though it’s insignificant. Unimportant. Irrelevant. But that’s the problem—the weight of the world on your shoulders makes no sense. Whose world are you even carrying? Whose approval are you trying to win? You scramble to get up, messing up your bedsheets in the process, and pull your blanket around you. Your own warmth surrounds you and it makes no difference. You frown.

You remember your phone call with your mom, and your lips tremble. You shouldn’t have told her about how crappy your finals went but it slipped. You tried to explain that you did work for them, that you gave it your best but sometimes things don’t work out. She didn’t have to say it out loud for you to hear her thoughts. 

You’re disappointing. 

You wipe at your eyes, feeling annoyed at the emotion. If you could let the ground swallow you whole, you would. In a heartbeat. You don’t even know what you’re doing most of the days despite that pretty planner of yours.

You get out of bed, pull on your cardigan beside the bed and grab your lighter and pack. The tiny balcony makes for a great smoking spot and while you would scold any of your friends for committing to this, you do it yourself. Hypocrite.

For all you try to shove into yourself—hobbies, student clubs, actual clubbing, friends—the more you feel less than enough, as if everything just vanishes into thin air inside you. As if you aren’t enough and never will be. You play by the rules and you lose, you break the rules and you lose. 

Maybe it’s because you let yourself be filled by the intricacies of other people that they like you. And thus, you cannot stop for fear of loneliness.

Just as you’re feeling crushed again, you picture Doyoung against your back, placing his nose in the crook of your neck—something he has never done—and you wonder why it helps. 

Sucking in air too fast, you cough. You shouldn’t have let it go on for so long.

It was fun—harmless fun. You shouldn’t even be thinking of taking a step in some other direction. You’re friends, barely, but you like where you are. If Doyoung was that important, you wouldn’t be going about this all backwards. You sigh, though it comes out jagged. The room is quiet and that’s the way it should be at four a.m, of course, but you crave music all of a sudden. Doyoung and you are just a temporary fix; and you let that thought relax you.

When you think of his chin on your shoulder, however, it feels feather light.

“Why are we doing this?” you ask. 

The atmosphere is warm and toasty, just like you expect it to be in a bakery with light pink doors and a collection of plastic potted plants on display. The decorations aren’t an eyesore here and somehow, it makes you feel better. It’s a little far but you decide it’s worth it.

Doyoung shrugs, sipping his hot chocolate. “It’s Christmas, and we’re both here.”

Your eyes follow the hanging lights over the counter, wrapped in pine tree stickers and eventually to the neat display of a ‘Season’s Greetings’ menu, the contents of which are currently at your table. A Christmas song by some singer who’s been popular lately plays, tunes light and dancing. You hate the end of the year solely because of the extra pressure January brings. Nothing you can’t handle, of course. Nothing you can’t handle.

You sigh. It’s been a little difficult lately.

“Doyoung, really, why are we doing this?” you ask, genuinely curious.

“Are you- uh- are you not enjoying this? I could—”

“No! No, it’s not that. I feel better, actually.” You bite your tongue almost immediately after. It’s not like he’s supposed to know the sort of hell week you’re having. A poorly received term paper, finals that weren’t up to your expectations, crippling loneliness without friends and, oh, the self-doubt—you are at the lowest you can be in college. The only sweetener right now is in the hot chocolate and the way Doyoung’s looking at you. 

You feel something close to guilt.

“Good.” He smiles. “You seemed… You seemed a little down.”

The sliver of warmth between your ribs makes you think this is unreal. It feels uneasy to be so affected by someone but you let it slide, turning back to your hot chocolate.

“Why didn’t you go home this time?” you ask, sipping your drink.

“Oh, I didn't really want to face my parents,” he says before leaning. “Didn’t do too well this semester. And my brother’s going to be there with all his achievements.”

You chuckle in disbelief. “You don’t like your brother?”

“I love him to bits. Just can’t stand my mom’s nagging when he’s around.”

“That’s rich coming from you.” You cross your arms, smiling triumphantly. You feel like children squabbling but it’s so lighthearted, you want to laugh.

Doyoung raises a pointed finger, about to retort but nothing comes out. He puts his hand down.

“I guess you’re right.”

You shake your head. “I’m sure she’s proud of you too.”

“I know that,” he says, laughing. “Of course she is. I don’t keep myself busy for nothing.”

You gulp, a sudden sourness rising at the base of your tongue. 

“Busy, huh? Didn’t know spending saturday evenings with girls also counted as busy,” you mutter against the cup, half-hoping he doesn’t hear you.

“What?” There’s a perplexed look across his face.

You wave your hand in dismissal. “Oh don’t mind me.”

“Are you talking about me giving a tour to the fresher girls?” Doyoung leans forward, resting his elbows on his thighs. “Hyungmin does that usually but Mr Man was sore from soccer practice and Friday fucking.” 

You blink. “Fresher… girls?”

“What, did you think I was at a brothel?” Doyoung laughs in amusement.

You feel your cheeks heat up in embarrassment. “No! No, of course not.”

You wave your hands about for a few more seconds, trying to come up with an explanation. This makes things rather embarrassing.

“Sorry,” you say finally. “I jumped to conclusions.”

Doyoung laughs, rather deep and heartily, and you wonder if your apology really did sound as stupid to him as it did to you. 

“You do that a lot,” he notes.

“Thanks,” you quip, cutting the pastry with your fork a little too forcefully. His laugh follows. (You hate it so much. It sounds like pure adoration.)

The next few moments consist of scrolling through your phones (because Doyoung says his ‘mouth hurts from talking to you’) and you would’ve been in a better state of mind if everyone wasn’t posting pre-Christmas photos with their families. 

“You know they’re opening that park. What’s it called- Winter Wonderland or something. You said you wanted to visit.”

You look up at Doyoung amused.

“Let’s be honest. You want to be in bed, Doyoung,” you say. “Why are you doing this?”

“Because I care,” he answers, looking at you with his doe eyes. “About you. You sulk when you’re upset.”

“I don’t sulk,” you reply but your smile is obvious when you exit the cafe. 

It’s like a date. The more you think of it that way, the more it makes you smile.

The evening is perfect—orange and pink and loving and happy. Doyoung trails behind you as you tread over the sidewalk with cheeky remarks about his speed.

“I’m in the track club, you know?” he huffs, finally tired of your jabs.

“As what, the start point?”

A fake, sarcastic laugh leaves him. “I wouldn’t get to see you if I walked ahead.”

You feel warmth creep up your face. You mumble, “that’s cheesy.” It’s too weak though, and it goes unheard. 

For the first time, you notice his eyes are a little like yours in what they reflect. You love them. 

So this is where the crowd went. The amusement park, or whatever you call it, is buzzing with a faint sort of excitement, mostly in the children that didn’t get to go on a vacation elsewhere. It’s quite the wonderland though so you can’t see them complaining.

“Do you think they’ll kick us out if we make out on the Ferris wheel?” you ask, smiling at Doyoung.

“I’m not making out with you on the Ferris wheel,” he replies, making a face.

You do end up making out on the Ferris wheel, and you get butterflies from it. It’s like a teenage dream but Doyoung looks even better. You pass on the cotton candy because frankly, you’ve had enough of sweet things. You sit at the frozen wooden seat, hoping it warms up while Doyoung brings the two of you some fries.

Your phone buzzes with a notification. Your eyes light up at the mail from your professor. You had turned in the term paper three days ago, weeks ahead of schedule and were particularly proud of the way it turned out. 

You look at the email and zero in on the word ‘redo’.

Your shoulders sag immediately. You spent four weeks on that—and it’s not good enough? You search frantically for how it could have gone wrong and come up with none. That’s not supposed to happen. Something’s wrong. Something’s very wrong. The week’s exhaustion swallows you up again.

When Doyoung returns, he looks at you concerned before quickly setting the fries on the table.

“(name). Is something wrong?”

“Huh?” Your voice sounds so weak and squeaky, you feel embarrassed. It’s embarrassing that after all these years, you still don’t know how to handle failure. 

Because it’s not supposed to happen. You tell yourself that over and over and it makes things worse.

You feel dirty, underneath all that dust and crumbled rock dangling in your hair. Whatever rests on your shoulders is cracking and collapsing, and you’re pushing in the wrong direction to make sure it all stays up. 

He reaches out his hand but you avoid it.

“No,” you mutter, weakly shaking your head.

You rub at your nose and eyes, hoping you can hide behind your forearms. Doyoung shouldn’t be seeing you like this, he doesn’t deserve to see you like this. You turn away from him, your palm gently pushing against the soft material of his shirt. 

Doyoung doesn’t move. Instead, he gently tugs on your wrist so you have no choice but to face him with your red-rimmed eyes. You’re not sure if it’s embarrassment or pity, but the concern in his eyes makes you cry harder. 

“You don’t have to do that,” he whispers. “You don’t have to find a place to cry.”

For the first time in adulthood, you learn what it’s like to lean your forehead against someone’s chest this way. Doyoung wraps his arms around you and the sound of his breathing soothes your near-erratic heart. 

“I worked really hard on it, you know?” you mumble against his chest. “My term paper.”

“I know,” he whispers.

Doyoung strokes your head delicately, fingers running through your hair with airy touches. Eventually, you let go of a final sigh and look up to his lips.

He seems surprised at the kiss but it’s all you can think of now. It’s gentler than usual and Doyoung moves cautiously though he seems to like it all the same. His arms feel comfortable around you. When he pulls apart, he looks at you yet still with careful concern.

“We can- we should stop if you want,” he says, and he means it. 

You shake your head. Night is creeping in overhead, deep and quiet and slow.

“I like you, Doyoung,” you say finally. “I really, really like you.”

Doyoung’s eyes widen, as though a rabbit wary of the traps it might set foot on but he eases into your touch almost immediately.

“I like… I like you too.” His lips waver but he looks away and takes a deep breath. “I like you so much.”

You smile and think that maybe everything is set right now, with his chin against your shoulder and your arms around him. 

Doyoung discards the jacket once you’re in your apartment, kissing you fuller now. Every other thought leaves you; you beg him to make you forget the rest of the world. The walls are comforting now that he’s here, and it’s warmer, hotter.

“Can we- Can we go a little slower?” you mumble, his arms still gentle when they wrap around your waist. He parts his lips from your neck to look at you momentarily before nodding.

You suddenly understand why he always makes you feel so good. There’s a certain fondness to his touch and warmth to his kisses. There’s no one quite like him, really.

“I love digging graves, especially if it’s my own,” you mutter against the pillow.

Doyoung laughs. “What did you do this time?”

“This time? Excuse me? Do you think I’m some sort of trouble child?”

“Hm. Let’s see. Yes.”

You pause. Why do you hesitate to tell him you slept with Hyungmin? It’s not like you were cheating—you weren’t dating Doyoung. Besides, that night with Hyungmin didn’t mean anything. A horrid feeling snakes around your throat, heavy and piercing. You resort to changing the topic.

“I’m… I took another course beyond my understanding.”

“That’s it?” he asks.

You nod.

No, no, no; it’s all backwards now and you don’t know how to reverse it.

Doyoung takes your hand in his, delicately and yet firm. His chest is against your back, bare and warm. When he presses his lips against your knuckles, the warmth that flushes through you makes you want to believe in something else entirely. You feel weak. 

A part of you argues that you feel honest—in a moment of clarity you don’t think you deserve. Neither vodka nor whiskey can make you this clear in the head; you struggle to breathe straight. How awful it is to feel warmth and not believe in it at the same time.  

“You can rely on me, you know?” he whispers.

The knot in your chest makes you want to cry.

You feel lonely and the opposite of it all at once. Doyoung is too much for you—too kind, too pretty and too true. He makes you realize too many things at once.

There are a few things in the world that can stifle loneliness. Like the notes Doyoung plays on the piano, like the songs he hums in the morning till you place open-mouthed kisses against his neck.

You realize, all of a sudden, that Doyoung really is your dearest friend.

And yet, you don’t think you deserve it. You’ve never loved, you believe, but you have. You don’t remember it well enough. The lovers’ touches you kept searching for led to this. Hypocrite. You wanted a lover’s touch and you rejected the love that came with it. What a complicated bundle of emotions. You weren’t always this way.

You loved your first cat when you were six, all the way till it died a warm death in your bed. You loved your mother even when she yelled at you for skipping your chores. You loved your middle school friends when you talked about comics and movies you saw for the first time. 

It’s hard to love the same way now.

You suppose sympathy needs a little backstory. Nothing is unconditional. 

It had all started when your heart had broken into two clean pieces. You put a bandaid on it and called it a day. No one taught you to ask for help.

Your friends know someone broke your heart; you tell them everything. Friends, friends—you wanted them so bad and yet, you keep them as far from you as you can. You pretend to be paper-thin and so shallow, sometimes you wonder if that’s all there is to you. But for all they know, they know next to nothing. It wasn’t just the aftermath of reckless puppy love. 

The first time your heart broke, it was watching your mother cry in the living room for a reason you didn’t understand. You wondered who committed the crime, who should be charged—and you found no one. A loveless marriage is cruel, yes, but you cannot point fingers. It isn’t just cruel; it’s infuriating.

The second time, the two pieces of your heart broke into a few more. It was a boy with an inviting smile and flags whose colour you couldn’t quite discern. They must have been red, but everything else was too—hearts, cheeks, lips, and the threads around your wrists. And eventually, he guided you to the conclusion that you are undeserving, unworthy, unloved. 

You were strong, however. It was easy to collapse on the bed and feel the weight of the world settling in, but you stood up again on shaking knees and you told yourself to have fun; you can have fun without feelings. You know better than to attach meaning to fun—you might hate insignificant things but it’s only fun if it’s pointless. You’re not letting go of this place you’ve worked so hard to arrive at, with all the shattered pieces in your hands.

It’s better to offer nothing at all than offer broken pieces.

“Can we stay like this?” Doyoung’s arms tighten around your waist, his breath shallow against your shoulder. “Just for a little bit.”

His voice is beautiful as always, but for a moment, it strikes you as sad.

Everything’s twisting up into knots and you are frantically running your fingers over them to straighten it all out. You know what it’s like to let things rot; and you are tired of it. Why can’t everything disappear for one moment? Why can’t you just let it be the two of you?

You sigh in response, nodding. 

“I might not know what’s happening in there,” he starts, drawing circles on your chest with his finger, touch comfortably light. “But…”

I’m here and I get it.

Is that what he wants to say? You don’t think you’ll get to know. You’re not exactly voicing yourself either. 

Stay the night. You want to say it but your lips are frozen.

Instead, you rub your thumb over the back of his hand, fitting into each other as perfect as a lie. You would tell him, you try to convince yourself, if you could say it with enough conviction. There’s no point to saying things that are half-meant, that are true but only just enough. You’re a coward.

And now, this has gotten complicated.

An end.

Tapping his pen against the desk, Doyoung grows increasingly annoyed. The council's next  meeting agenda isn’t going to finish writing itself but he can’t bring himself to either. Besides, Ten’s pacing outside his room is starting to get on his nerves.

“Ten!” he yells. “Can you quit it? You’re making too much noise.”

His disapproval is met with silence. For a moment, he spaces out and reflexively thinks of you, only to feel a confusing sort of emotion. It’s normal, he tells himself, and that it’ll sort itself out.

Doyoung feels like a glass box more often than not. If he breaks, who picks up the pieces? Who gets cuts all over their fingers?

‘Whoever breaks him’ should be the answer. But that’s wishful thinking. It’s not that simple. 

He’s so see-through that it’s painful. He used to tell Taeyong he’s wrong but he’s never been able to prove it. He is easy. It’s embarrassing.

But then again, part of him likes it when it comes to you. He likes it when you kiss him after a particularly heated disagreement, he likes when you get on his nerves just so he’d fuck you and most of all, he loves the push and pull. Fun is just that. He doesn’t know what he’d do if that heart of his he placed so gingerly into your palms falls and shatters.

The line between hate and love is thin; and he’s enjoying walking it too much.

He has nothing to offer but himself. He laughs at the thought and shakes his head. It’s somewhat dirty, and not just in the sexual sense.

“Ten!” he yells again. “Stop pacing!”

Getting up from his seat, he strides over to his door, swings it open and finds Ten scratching his head and glancing at his phone in repeated action. 

“Ten?”

He’s so in a trance that he hasn’t noticed Doyoung. He is the lovable sort of idiot if he ever chooses to be so. Most of the time though, he’s just a smartass.

“Oh, oh no, I’m a bad friend,” Ten mutters to himself, his pacing growing more restless. He scratches the back of his head, eyebrows furrowed and too inside his head to notice Doyoung. He wants to ask but something tells him he shouldn’t. 

Turns out, his apprehension isn’t strong enough these days. 

“Whose date did you crash?” Doyoung asks, more than annoyed already.

When Ten looks at him, Doyoung feels rather shriveled and freezes on the spot. Call it instinct but Doyoung respects fear and pain. Ten has a mixture of the two, amplified when he looks at Doyoung.

“Doyoung. Hey,” he says, trying to tone down the distress in his voice.

Doyoung still hasn’t recovered from the initial surprise of Ten looking that way.

“Did you fuck up? Did someone fuck up? Why do you look like that?”

Ten sits down on the small couch. “Long story… I guess. Too many details, you- you know? Just—”

“What the fuck happened?”

Ten still can’t look him in the eye. “The group chat’s a little…”

“Ten,” Doyoung snaps. “Cut the crap.”

“No, that’s- that’s what I’m- You’re going to be upset.”

Doyoung straightens, furrowing his brows. “I think I can fucking handle it.”

“You know that date I set up for (name) and Hyungmin?”

“You set that up?”

“(name) slept with Hyungmin.” 

Doyoung quietens. The silence seems to make Ten uncomfortable as he shifts in his seat, getting up when Doyoung speaks.

“So?”

Ten blinks. “You’re not upset?”

“Just what kind of loser do you think I am?” Doyoung mutters.

Glass shatters just that easily. Maybe he wanted you to shatter him. Maybe he was already cracking at the edges.

“Doyoung, you don’t have to—”

“Stop,” he exclaims a little louder than he intended. “Stop looking at me like that. I’m a grown man, I can handle shit like this.”

It still hurts though. You lied to him and he let you in. You lied to him. Doyoung sighs, returning to his room with a realization he should have had long ago. His night ends with more deleted drafts than he’s supposed to have and eventually, with increased discomfort, he delegates the job to Park Hyungmin himself with the excuse of sickness.

Doyoung does feel sick. He felt this way once, in highschool, but it had turned to red, hot anger ready to lash at anyone and everyone, spilling from his lips as easy as it was to breathe. And Doyoung can never feel that way towards you. He was different back then too, of course, but you—you’re unlike anyone he’s ever met. He loves the comfort of you, and something like that is hard to come by. 

He feels like laughing again but instead he finds tears on his cheeks. Silly boy, he can hear his mother tell him. You don’t give your heart to heartbreakers. 

So Doyoung falls asleep to the sound of upbeat music in his earphones, music he hates even just to pass the night. Morning will come and he will have to become stronger. Comfort is fleeting, after all.

With everything said and done, you know very well that if you were to tell someone you love them—genuinely, truly, from the heart—it would be Doyoung. It’s not a sudden realization, like the sky falling apart or a tidal wave crashing against the shore and sweeping away the city. It is like the gentle lapping of water, though, or the way the clouds change shape—natural and anything but alarming. You want to stare at it forever, and you want to believe that’s how it will be forever. 

“You told everyone we had sex?” Your voice is boiled to a shout. 

Hyungmin looks torn, lips moving but no explanation making its way out. “I- I told my friends, not everyone.”

“And you forgot that your friends talk? Everybody talks, Hyungmin, what were you thinking?”

He sighs before taking a step towards you. “Why are you so angry about it? As far as I remember, you had no trouble talking about whose pants you got into.”

You scoff. “With friends, not the whole campus.”

“That’s exactly what I did!” 

You cross your arms, feeling so upset you might cry and unsure as to why. You’re usually good at dealing with stuff like this, keeping things in the right place.

“It’s because of Doyoung, isn’t it?” 

You snap your head to Hyungmin. There’s a serene sort of look to him despite his unkempt appearance, and a look of understanding.

“I’m sorry. Really. But if you were so into him, you shouldn’t have called me that evening. It might not matter to me but…”

You broke his heart. All that devotion he had towards you led to this. 

“You’re right.” You choke on your words, leaning against the wall. “Fuck… Fucking…”

You turn around, making your way out of the hallway and hope the tears on your cheeks dry faster if you run.

You can’t remember the last time you ran. Your world didn’t need running from, it was right in the palm of your hands. Now that you look back, the world was always on your shoulders and heavy as it can be. Maybe you liked it—the weight. You could’ve shrugged it off any time; you didn’t need all those caging schedules or careful, elegant steps.

No. Atlas couldn’t shrug because his punishment was his existence. To have weight is to have meaning; and that is how you intended to live out your life.

Doyoung makes you see it differently. To love so fully even if it seems cautious—you, who has never loved at all, couldn’t comprehend it. And because he makes you see it differently, the box is now open and all hell is loose. 

For once, you don’t want to live in the world you crafted. You want more love, more hurt and you want to open the doors. You don’t mind hell if it’s for him.

You ring the bell to Doyoung and Ten’s apartment and pray the news hasn’t reached him yet. He said he was busy this weekend; maybe he was detached enough from his phone for once. You just want to be the person to tell him. It’s not a perfect apology otherwise.

Doyoung opens the door with pursed lips and cold eyes. There’s a sense of ease over his shoulders and arms but he won’t look at you and panic rises to your throat.

“We’re not fucking tonight, (name),” he says.

“That’s not- That’s not why I’m here.” Your voice is so meek, you wonder what happened.

Doyoung steps back, crossing his arms. He’s still looking at his feet and you feel the urge to reach for his face.

“I wanted to tell you- I… I just—”

“That you’re fucking other people?”

“God, Doyoung, stop with the fucking. I don’t care about that right now.”

“Really?” His voice is so sharp, it digs into your skin. “You were just in it for that. That’s the fun part in your stupid life, isn’t it?”

You feel a sharp pain in your nose and forehead. “You’re- Now that’s- Doyoung. I’m sorry. That’s what I wanted to say.”

“After—” His voice chokes up. “After everything is done? Stop with the excuses and face it for fuck’s sake. You aren’t made to fall in love. That’s why you dance around it all the time.”

Although he says that, he doesn’t sound angry. He sounds defeated.

“It’s not like you aren’t cautious,” you retort, throat feeling heavy. “You said it yourself- you don’t want to care too much.”

“I was wrong,” he says, voice hoarse. “I care about everything more than I’d like to admit. I care about you more than I’d like to admit.”

“The Hyungmin thing didn’t mean anything, okay? You were busy and—”

“So why did you lie?” He strains to not raise his voice. “Of course I knew our little thing didn’t mean shit to you. Why did you pretend it did? Last week, you said- you said—”

“Doyoung, last week- last week I- I wasn’t pretending, I swear.”

“You could’ve just saved yourself the trouble and the dignity.” A short, humorless laugh leaves him.

You feel your lips tremble, the explanation not quite made its way out yet. He looks so innocent like this, rabbit-like eyes watery and full of pain, pure the way they have always been. This is your mistake, isn’t it?

“Doyoung, please,” you manage to say. “That was wrong. I couldn’t clear up my head. Please don’t—”

“No. I was an idiot. Or you see me as one.” He frowns deeper, lips trembling. “I shouldn’t- I shouldn’t have. We shouldn’t have been at the same fucking party and I shouldn’t have drank so much. You’re- I’m not that kind of person.”

You bite down your lip. “What kind?”

Doyoung laughs, the sound raspy and empty. “The kind to not fall in love with you.”

It damn near breaks your heart to look at him. You have to say something, it shouldn’t end like this. You’re desperate and all you think is that you don’t want it to end at all.

“Please, I thought of you as a friend, that’s why—”

“And this is what you call being a friend?” he cuts you off.

You feel the sting in your eyes and nose, making you turn sharply to the side. You wish he’d just make you cry. It makes you feel the rancid guilt all the more.

“Make Hyungmin your friend for all I care. Let’s stop this.”

You stare at your feet, unable to respond. 

“You can have every boy in the world, (name). Don’t come to me.”

“Can you just stop talking about everyone else?” you yell, desperate. “Do I talk about your exes? Seungjae or- or what’s-her-name—” 

“That’s different!” He looks distraught, breathing heavily and with a painful red flush over his nose and cheeks. He runs his hand through his hair, tousling it further. “You lied to me, (name). You lied.”

Your cheeks are wet and the look that flashes over Doyoung makes you think he wants to step right out to you. He stays frozen in place, however, looking away to the side.

“Did you notice?” he asks softly. “Even once? How much I cared?”

You can’t answer, letting the tears drip down your face. It’s getting colder and colder. 

Doyoung bites down his lip before parting them. “All we did was have sex anyway. So please just- just leave.”

You take a long few moments but nod, hugging your coat closer and stepping out of his apartment. You think you hear Ten’s footsteps but it’s followed by the bang of a door—this is how it ends then.

The line between hate and love is thin; and you are deserving of neither.

You perfect your next semester’s academics, and the next. It still feels empty. You go out to drink with friends and return to a messy bed you sleep in alone. You smile as always and you laugh as always. No one asks you how you are as always. You never needed anyone to ask you how you are.

Ten tries but you push him away. You don’t need to drag in other people into a mess you made. He feels sorry for the whole thing but you tell him it was you that spilled the paint, Ten just handed a dash of it to you.

You were right. You don’t deserve Doyoung. At least, you made it so that you don’t deserve him. 

‘It’s better to have loved and lost than to not have loved at all’—it still hurts.

Every day is part of a list again. You doodled in some of the pages, when you thought you were starting to fall in love. There’s only a skeleton of it left now. Soon, you’ll let it crumble to dust too. 

You tear apart the planner sometime after graduation and cry and curse at yourself for doing that. No one’s good at parting with things they care about. You’re no exception.

It’s December again. 

This place is a little strange to visit right after graduating, especially with the memories flashing you by. Johnny said he booked one of the private booths (“A senior’s treat!”) but you feel your steps growing hesitant when you reach the neon signs by the stairs. It spells ‘The Meeting Place’ and smells of cigarettes just like it did the first time.

You stop midway up the stairs. For a moment, you think of Doyoung sitting there and wonder if you’ll ever be able to talk to him again. If you had the chance now, would you take it?

Of course, you wouldn’t. There’s too much to be set right and you can’t do it.

There’s supposed to be the six of you. Johnny mentioned Ten and you know Eunji’s invited too. You saw Jaehyun on the way here, still a student. You sigh. It must be him, the one they failed to mention to you. Kim Doyoung. There’s no one quite like him.

You spot him first. Looking a little forlorn as he gazes absentmindedly to the side, he faces away from you and you get the inevitable urge to run away. It’s a funny feeling. 

Your stomach is churning. You don’t want him to see you. Ten babbles on about something to Johnny, smiling like he found candy while clearing his drawers. Eunji looks tired, leaning against Johnny’s shoulder and you wonder if she already drank more than enough shots.

“(name).”

You jump at Jaehyun’s voice from behind you. 

“Hey,” you respond, giving him a wide smile.

He hesitates. “Are you okay? Not that you don’t look okay- you look really good actually. I mean, are you and… you know okay?”

“I don’t think so, Jaehyun,” you say and make your way to the booth.

It’s a little cramped for the six of you and Doyoung gets up before you can even greet him. It’s not like you deserve it anyway but it tugs at the wound.

“I’m going to go take a drag,” he mutters.

“You don’t smoke,” you say, looking up.

He stares at you momentarily and you look away. You think Ten and Johnny glance at you with pity but you don’t really care. 

 “Can I come with you?” you ask, barely a whisper.

“Sure,” he says, to your surprise.

The smoking area is so small, you’re surprised it’s even there. A glass structure overlooking the neighbourhood, there’s barely any light within. The only thing nice is how warm it’s in there. 

Doyoung lights his cigarette and then offers to light yours. It’s quiet, the music from inside numbed to the cold doors. You really can’t take it. You stub the barely consumed cigarette and throw it into the bin.

You’d rather just stay quietly in his presence.

“You’re not smoking,” he notes.

“It’s a bad habit.” You look out through the glass.

Doyoung chuckles. “You were a collection of bad habits.”

“And good ones too,” you quip. “I was a perfect student. I was perfect in most everything actually.”

Doyoung’s smile widens. “You were. You certainly were.”

A few more moments pass in silence, your eyes traveling over the outside scenery which seems to be growing duller by the second. City lights have never felt fainter.

“It was an accident, right?” You say suddenly. “The whole thing? Us?”

Doyoung hums. “Yeah. I fell in love by accident.”

You smile weakly. “Right. I never got to apologize.”

“I loved you on purpose.”

You look up at him. There’s not a lot of people who say what they mean. He looks the same as he used to under your grey blankets, with a warm blush over his cheeks and kind, wide eyes. 

“You’re so damn pretty,” he murmurs, “even now.”

You scan his face for signs of lying.

“You’re drunk, aren’t you?” you ask finally. 

Doyoung blinks before easing into laughter. “You- You’re- You’re the same as ever.”

You let yourself crack a smile.

“Doyoung I- I really am sorry,” you say quietly. “And I did- do care for you.”

Doyoung stubs out his cigarette and discards it before looking you in the eye. You notice he’s wearing his favourite black turtleneck in the proximity, the grey plaid coat covering most of it. You really liked that look on him.

“I’m sorry,” you say once again. “I want you to know that. I didn’t want to hurt you and I promise I won’t ever do it again.”

You mean it. You’re never going to hold glass again. He doesn’t deserve it.

“That’s a problem,” he responds, breath mingling with yours. “I want you… I want you to hurt me. If you really do love me, I’ll take it.”

“Doyoung,” you whisper, turning away despite your whole body screaming at you to give in. “I meant it. I can’t hurt you.”

Doyoung cups your cheek with one hand, glancing at your lips for a moment.

“You’re warm,” he says.

He’s warmer.

“I want to kiss you,” he says.

You want to kiss him too.

“We went about this all wrong, didn’t we?” he asks.

“We did,” you answer, voice barely above a whisper. “I did.”

Doyoung pulls back. “Then let’s start again. I’m Kim Doyoung, I majored in linguistics. I was student council president and I made a mistake.”

You smile. “We don’t have to do that.”

Doyoung raises an eyebrow. “After all the trouble I went through to make a good introduction?”

The two of you laugh, and it gets warmer. 

“I’m (name),” you say. “I was a top student and I made a bigger mistake, Kim Doyoung.”

“Oh? I wonder what it was.”

“Kind of a long story.”

“I’ve got all the time for you.”

You smile and start. He responds with gentle kisses. You’re piecing your world back together again; but this time it’s feather-light and fits right in the palm of your hand. 

[fairyoftbz]

childish fear | l. juyeon

⚔ pairing: stranger!juyeon x single mom! fem! reader ⚔ genre: fluff ⚔ wc : 3.2k ⚔ tw: none ⚔ a/n: im so sorry it's been so long but my work keeps me super busy and i hate my unposted fics that i wrote in the past, hence my absence. i promise to come back here asap!! <33 ⚔ requested: no

╰☆☆☆☆╮

“Mommy, where are we going?” your daughter asked for the nth time as you guided her foot by the ankle in her shoe. Her tiny hand leant on your shoulder while you fastened the Velcro straps and zipped up her jacket, walking out of your apartment to the corridor of your floor. She watched you locked the front door and sliding the keys in your handbag before grabbing her hand to the elevator.

“As I’ve told you, we’re heading to a coffee shop to see Uncle Kevin and Jinseon, remember?” she clapped in her hands as if she just learnt the news, despite her asking this question over five times since she woke up. You forgave her because she was at the age where she would find everything fascinating and barely pay attention to what you said. You chuckled and shook your head with a smile as her curious eyes observed the elevator, touching the mirror and gasping at the coldness of it under her palm. It was almost guaranteed that she didn’t listen and will ask again in a couple of minutes.

“Where are we going?” here we go again, her tiny voice reaching your ear above the roaring motor of the bus. She grabbed your leg as you were typing something on your phone with one hand, the other gripping the metallic bar as tight as possible as your daughter was not the most balanced child.

“Baby, I’ve told you many times that we are going to see Kevin and Jinseon at the coffee shop because Mommy and Uncle Kevin have to do something for work,” you looked at her with stern eyes, something you always did when she wasn’t paying attention.

“But why aren’t we going to their house? It’s so big!” she argued, and the bus doors opened, quickly sliding your phone in your back pocket and jumped out of the bus with your daughter in your arms.

“Uncle Kevin wants to change the interior of the house, so people work there, and it’s not safe for them and us to meet there. But I promise that we’ll go back there soon!”

“I won’t be able to draw with Jinseon?” you shook your head from side to side, and your daughter pouted, nuzzling her face in your neck.

“Not at his house, but maybe he brought a colouring book like yours today!” you exclaimed, and her mood lifted instantly, getting all giddy and happy to share her passion with her best friend.

Pushing the door of the coffee shop, you were instantly met with a reassuring warmth and the good smell of coffee, placing your daughter back on the ground as you lined up to order. The place was quite busy, but you were right before the time people were fighting to get a table.

“Mommy, this table!” she asked and pointed her little finger towards a table near the window, her little topknot moving on her head as she looked up at you.

“Good choice, baby,” you said, and she grabbed your hand again, noticing her gaze shifting to something scared. You frowned as she went to stand in front of you, her hands gripping your thighs as she stared up at you.

You asked for your usual order and a strawberry smoothie for your daughter, who happily giggled when she saw the sliced fruit inside of her transparent cup. She laughed and ran to the table you had agreed on occupying, her little hands pressed on the seat as she hoisted herself alone on it.

A few minutes after giving your daughter her pens and colouring books, your phone rang in your back pocket, getting you out of your bubble of focus as you stopped typing.

“Hello?” you said, and your best friend’s voice reached your ear.

“Hi Y/N, I’m really sorry to warn you only now, but I won’t be able to make it with Jinseon.” A wave of disappointment flooded your heart, but you didn’t raise it.

“Oh my. Did something happen?” you asked as your daughter was too busy colouring a monkey pink to even hear what you were talking about.

“Thankfully no, I uhm… I forgot that my in-laws invited us to a five-star restaurant today,” he said, and you bitterly chuckled, feeling sorry for him as you knew the exhausting relationship he had with them.

“Sounds fun,” you sarcastically said as you heard him sigh on the other side of the phone, “don’t worry, we can always meet up another time.”

“Won’t Chunae be disappointed?” Kevin asked, and you emitted a laugh, quickly looking to the side as someone at the table next to yours drew a chair.

“I’ll handle her, don’t worry about it. Have fun with your most favourite people in the world, then!” you sarcastically said, and you heard him sigh.

“Thanks, but I’d rather die than witnessing my mother-in-law brag again about the new diamond necklace she bought and lie on how she’s not close to bankrupting,” you giggled and winked at your daughter, amused by the situation. That was what you got to have your stepson handling the family accounts and his best friend as an assistant counsellor. You both could see her lie to everyone, and it was funny.

“Try to make her understand that you know she’s lying in front of everyone else and see how she reacts,” you suggested and heard him gasp at your words.

“I beg you Y/N, can you please schedule us an appointment so I can ruin her?”

“Of course,” you opened another tab on your computer, typing and clicking on a few things to finally get to your best friend’s schedule.

“You can tell her that she can come on Friday at 1 pm to discuss about her financial state. I just sent her an email,” you announced, and Kevin sighed, imagining him biting his lower lip and clutch his fist in satisfaction.

“You’re the best. I gotta go now,” you took a sip of your drink and wished him good luck before hanging up.

“M-Mommy?” you heard your daughter whisper, barely making out her words as the coffee shop music and the hustling was quite loud. You smiled, but it immediately vanished as you saw her scared state, pen lingering on the pages of her colouring book. Her eyes were drawn to the table next to yours, her mouth trembling from time to time, close to crying.

Following her gaze, you noticed a man around your age and immediately understood your daughter’s fear as you took in the sight. The man was scrolling on his phone, his white t-shirt hugging his broad shoulders and slender torso perfectly. His biceps flexed each time he swiped up his finger on the screen or took a sip of coffee, Adam’s apple bobbing up and down. You weren’t going to lie that he was super handsome, but something else couldn’t go unnoticed in your eyes.

His tattoos.

He was covered in them. Your eyes could scarcely spot some natural, intact skin. Arms, forearms, chest and neck, only his face remained untouched. His jet-black hair was as dark as his eyes, yet they still held something soft and human in them. A thin nose with plumped, pinkish lips, it would have been almost impossible for you to guess that he had tattoos all over his body if you only saw his face.

You found him quite attractive to say the least, but it was quite the opposite for your daughter. She found tattoos terrifying, only accepting the small, hidden ones Kevin had. Her eyes welled up with tears, and you gently called her name, gesturing her to come closer. She jumped out of her seat, carefully going around the table from the opposite side where the man was sitting and walked towards you.

“Baby, those are just tattoos. You see what you draw and colour in your books with Jinseon? This man decided to do it on his skin because he likes drawings too!” you explained gently as your daughter couldn’t tear her gaze off the man.

“But it’s scary,” she mumbled, and you shook your head, gently cradling her cheek.

“Do you find the drawings on Uncle Kevin’s skin scary?” you asked, and she disagreed, finally looking up at you.

“It’s the same for him. Like Uncle Kevin, he decided to get them on his skin because he likes the shapes and colours. Do you understand?” you smiled as she wiped her teary eyes, nodding, trying to look confident. But you knew your daughter, she was still scared.

“Do you want to switch seats with Mommy?”

“No,” she said in a frail voice, and you kissed her cheek while rubbing her back. It was always the same. Bizarrely, when she feared something, she wanted to stay close to it as if she was determined of getting over her irrational fear.

Chunae walked back on her seat and resumed colouring, her gaze looking to her left from time to time. You smiled and stared at your computer again, getting distracted by the man as well, but not for the same reasons as your daughter.

“You’re a mother Y/N, don’t let those stupid thoughts get inside your head,” you closed your eyes and mentally slapped yourself, heavily sighing as you answered some emails, focusing back on your work.

You were so concentrated on your tasks that you didn’t even notice what was happening in front of you. Chunae became terrified as the man caught her staring, his eyes transforming into crescent moons when he softly waved at her. Her eyes widened and started colouring faster, her nose almost touching the paper as if she wanted everything around her to disappear. It happened once, twice, but she remembered what you always told her; never talk to strangers. So when the young man whispered a small ‘hi!’ to her, she panicked and called for you.

“Mommy!” she got you out of your work bubble, and you stared at her from above your computer screen, fingers still typing on the computer. Your hands stopped when you noticed her little forefinger pointing at the man, whose chocolate eyes were quick to shift to yours.

Shit, he was really handsome.

“What is it, sweetpea?” you asked and lowered your computer screen. “I’m sorry for her behaviour, she's not usually like that,” you said, grabbing her hand as you sent an apologetic smile to the man.

He shook his head with a smile. “Don’t worry about it, I get it. She’s still quite young,” you were sized by a shiver when two sets of white, perfectly aligned teeth almost blinded you as his mouth stretched into a bigger smile.

“I’m five!” she said, pouting, crossing her arms on her chest, staring at the table with furrowed brows.

The young man’s eyes widened, and pursed his lips, trying to hold back a smile as he acknowledged her stubbornness. You puffed and rolled your eyes at her behaviour, noticing with a smirk that she was still glancing at his tattoos.

“What’s your name?” he asked after looking at you, asking for permission. Your daughter’s unsure eyes stared at you, and you nodded, allowing her to talk to him.

“Ch-Chunae,” she answered, and his mouth transformed into a surprised ‘o’, letting out a small gasp.

“That’s a very pretty name, I’m Juyeon,” he said, and your daughter blushed, a veil of shyness appearing in her eyes as he held out his hand for her to shake it. You smiled as he indirectly complimented you for choosing her name, his gaze softening as she timidly grabbed his hand. Her eyes couldn’t help but scrutinise his tattooed hand with attention, making the man smile fondly and brightly.

“I have drawings all over my arms, do you want to see them?” he asked, keeping a great eye on you to see any sign of reluctance. Or maybe it was for something else, but you didn’t need to know about this.

“But they’re scary,” she said, and Juyeon whole-heartedly laughed, drawing the sleeve of his t-shirt to the top of his shoulder.

“Look at this one,” he said as he twisted his biceps, noticing a dragon spitting fire and your daughter’s eyes widened. He then turned his forearm to show her a dolphin near the crook of his elbow, smiling as he watched your daughter’s expression change as she saw all his tattoos on his arms. She was now mesmerised by the tattoos, the gentle, deep voice of the man explaining to her as she stared at his inked arms.

“Do you wanna colour this one?” he asked, finger showing the rose on the back of his hand.

“Really?” Chunae was surprised by his question, and Juyeon smiled at you, your daughter already grabbing her red pen.

“You really don’t have to,” you embarrassingly said, but the man shook his head, resting his large hand in front of your daughter, who pushed all her belongings to the side.

“If that can keep her quiet while you work, I don’t mind,” he stated, and you raised your eyebrows, a grateful smile drawn on your face.

Colouring the red rose ended up inking the poor man’s entire arm, who had a lot of patience and discipline when it came to children. Chunae went over the line with her pen a few times, only to have him reassure and praise her to continue when she started feeling guilty.

“Oh no!” she gasped as her hand clumsily went over the scales of the snake circling his forearm, Juyeon chuckling before wetting his thumb to erase the misdrawn ink. “It’s okay, it’s okay, keep going,” he said in a gentle tone, smiling at your daughter as she was looking for reassurance.

You had told him a few times that he didn’t have to stay the entire day only here to occupy your daughter, but he genuinely was alright with that. He looked almost happy to talk with you and your daughter since you had stopped working a few moments ago to exchange a few words of politeness with him before heading home.

“Chunae, finish your smoothie before we go home,” you said, and she obeyed, nodding as she placed her pen down and started sipping on her drink.

“I’m really sorry for this,” you gestured to his arms, but he was quick to cut you.

“Ma’am, it's okay, please stop apologising, I gave my agreement for her to do this. You seem like busy parents with your husband, I’m glad I could help,” he smiled, and you frowned.

“H-Husband?” you asked and Juyeon’s eyebrows shot up in surprise.

“O-oh? Wasn’t it your husband on the phone?” you shook your head at his words, only to have him purse his lips in utter embarrassment. “Sorry for assuming,” he said, the tip of his ears turning pink just like his cheeks.

“It’s okay, it was my best friend. I’m actually a single mom,” you explained, and he nodded, his features expressing admiration.

“Wow, you must be super strong then,” he said, and you blinked a few times, discerning something sad appearing in his eyes as he stared at your daughter. It was inappropriate and way too intrusive to ask him about his reaction, so you just offered him a grateful smile.

“I have to admit that it’s not always easy being alone in this, but with a bit of discipline and organisation, you can manage to make it work!” you tried to enlighten the mood, and Juyeon laughed along, but his smile had lost its splendour.

He cleared his throat, and you stood up, your daughter being finally done with her smoothie. You helped her place her pens in the pouch before clearing your belongings off the table, Juyeon standing up as well.

“Will I get to colour your tattoos again?” Chunae asked, and you looked at her sternly, but Juyeon laughed and smiled, gently ruffling her hair.

“This only depends on if your Mommy wants to see me again,” Juyeon crouched down to her level and made sure to get her hair out of the way before zipping her light jacket up to the chin.

You were taken aback by his answer, looking at him in the eyes. Vaguely smiling, he stood back up and stuffed his hands in his jeans pockets, thumbs playing with the belt loops as he waited for your answer. You breathed in heavily as you stared around you but in his eyes, trying to find an excuse.

“I mean… why not?” you eventually said, and his face brightened, his ears going pink at your answer. You grabbed your daughter’s hand as she was about to run to Juyeon and walked to the exit of the coffee shop, not believing what you’ve just agreed to.

Meeting a man? After your ex? With all the work and busy life that you had? Were you crazy?

Juyeon held out the door for you, and you thanked him, your daughter now almost best friend with the man she feared when he appeared. You sighed and replaced your bag on your shoulder, offering a soft smile to the man.

“Is it okay if we wait a bit before all of... this? I have the deadline of a big project that is coming up next week and it has a considerable influence on the future of my career, I really don’t want to mess it up,” you explained, and Juyeon nodded, his hand going to your bag to shove your key ring back inside since it was falling out.

“It’s more than okay, I’ll wait as long as it takes you to finish this and be ready to meet up with me,” he said, and your mouth fell open, surprised by his attitude. The last man you dated and loved unconditionally dropped the family he had created with you for a career abroad and another woman, his words and behaviour offering warmth to your broken, lonely heart.

You got your phone out and took Juyeon’s number, a relieved smile painted on your face. Maybe not all the men were as selfish and nasty as your ex.

“Call me if you need anything. It can be help, someone to look after her, comfort. Whatever you need, I’ll try to help you out as much as I can,” he said and rested a hand on your shoulder, gently rubbing it.

“Thank you,” you said, and he nodded with a smile.

“Good luck with everything,” you beamed and waved at him, your daughter imitating you as you started walking to the bus stop, hailing the vehicle as it was approaching.

Juyeon walked in the opposite way to the small parking lot in front of the coffee shop, his leg swinging over his motorcycle. He sat there for a minute, watching you get on the bus before the doors closing behind you, holding his helmet in hand. You were a busy, ambitious woman, you had set your priorities high, and you were not going to change them for a man. He was a bit scared of committing to a relationship with a busy woman and a child, yet that didn’t prevent him from wanting to get to know you and finding you attractive. He loved it even if he was a bit anxious about getting hurt, as it happened in his past way too many times to his likings.

His gloved hand moved side to side as the bus drove past him, your daughter on your hip as you both waved at him. The smile you had plastered on your face reassured him, hoping that you would give his heart a break and not break it.

[divinefireangel]

Hello ✍️Writer✍️, I would like to 🤌request🤌 a reaction where their s/o likes ❣️kissing❣️ their ❤neck❤ 🌠Innocentlly🌠but it 🌌turns the 🕺Bois💃 on🌌 🤡accidentally🤡 Thank you for blessing us with your Beautiful 🤌 beautiful 🤌 works✍️❣️

Idk why but so many emojis are making very happy 😂

I HAVE SO MANY DRAFTS HELP

Warnings: Suggestive? Fluff? Crack? Well idk. Mentions of food. Domestic af SF9. Yes that is a warning. Sensitive neck! SF9. Just go with it 💀.

Youngbin

"I'll hug you and you click the picture"

"Okay. But you'll have to help me angle it properly cause of your outfit."

"I know I know. Just turn it a bit towards me. Okay. Yes!" You exclaim finally happy with the angle. Clicking a good number of selfies with your boyfriend Youngbin, you check them to make sure that you atleast got a few you can post.

Monitoring the pictures along with you, Youngbin holds you close to him even after the photo session. You see, there was a wedding. One of your friend's. And being your boyfriend, Youngbin offered to be your date.

So here you both are, all doll'd up and pretty, finally taking couple pics after what seems like forever. Smiling happily you bounce on your feet. The pictures turned out perfect!

To celebrate, you kiss him joyfully, well you ended up kissing his neck because that the height you are able to reach with your heels right now. Pulling away with a small smile, a frown takes over when you notice your lipstick mark on his neck.

Widening your eyes, you panic trying to figure out how you can remove the mark quickly. Remembering that you have tissues in your bag, you take take it out and begin to clean.

"I'm sorry. I forgot I had lipstick." You say sadly, but concentrating on the task in hand. Youngbin, however, is still frozen in his spot, not even moving his eye lids. When you finish and move away, he breathes out contracting his chest.

"Jagi." He huffs slowly. "You, you can't just do that." He says in a small pout.

"Do what?" You look in his eyes. Realizing that you meant nothing by it, his face just breaks into a smile.

"Nothing. Let's go. Or we're going to be late!" He exclaims wrapping his arm around your shoulder, pulling you to walk with him.

Inseong

A lovely afternoon spent with your boyfriend. Aka. You having your nose in your novel and him having his nose in his novel. It's actually something you both do often. And then comes the regular discussing favourite parts, which he claims is the best part of your mini book club.

You were both seated at opposite ends if the couch, when you huffed closing your book. Now, normally you would've finished it, but for some reason your eyes were starting to lose focus. Maybe it was stress or overworking. Keeping the book on the table in front of the couch, you slowly crawl away from your side to his.

Peering over his shoulder, you try to see what page he is on.

"What are you doing?" Inseong asked with a smirk.

"Nothing. Just cuddling my super cuddly boyfriend" you said whilst moving your legs on his lap and hands landing around his shoulders. Kissing his cheek with a smile, you nest your head in his neck, closing you eyes when you feel his arm on your back.

Blinking your eyes open, you mindlessly pout, tired and a bit bored. 'Hmm, he smells nice', you think to yourself. Sliding your head back a little on his shoulder, you start to drag your pouty lips against his neck, occasionally pecking it too.

Biting his lip, Inseong shuts his eyes, moaning in satisfaction as you kiss his neck. Giggling at his reaction, you stop what you're doing. "Are you actually getting turned on by me just kissing your neck? " you ask with the biggest smile on your face.

Reciprocating your smile, Inseong chuckles, opening one of his eyes to look at you. "Not my fault. You just know how to drive me crazy for you." He says leaning forward to capture your lips in a dizzying kiss.

Jaeyoon

Sitting on a chair near the dining table, Jaeyoon scrolls through his phone, scouring for a new recipe to try out. Finding one that seems interesting, he clicks on it and starts to read. Being so engrossed in learning it, he fails to notice you come out of the bedroom.

Almost walking past him towards the fridge, you stop in your tracks and decide to have some fun. Tapping his left shoulder, you wait for him to turn but quickly move to the right. Snickering silently, you repeat the same action again, now tapping his right side, but he notices your hair before you moved.

Chuckling he looks down shaking his head. "Jagiya, you're very cute. But not very slick." He laughs when you whine into his neck. Relaxing onto his back, you pout sadly.

"What are you seeing?" You ask curiously.

"A new recipe you might like. I think we have all the ingredients, so I was planning on trying it. What do you think?" He hums in question, raising a hand to pet your hair.

"Okay. I'll be happy with whatever you feed me." You reply genuinely. Playing a kiss on his cheek first, he turns to look back to his phone smiling. But you wanted to kiss him more. So instead you just choose to kiss his neck.

Licking your lips a little, you press a medium kiss on his neck, making his stop everything he was doing. Unfazed, you walk to the fridge to take a cold water bottle from it. Turning you gasp, almost colliding into Jae's chest.

"Jae... " you say looking at him, wondering why he's standing so close to you. Sighing he leans down to your height, kissing you on the lips once. Twice. Thrice.

Keeping the water bottle on the kitchen counter next to the fridge, you wrap your arms around his broad shoulders, feeling his back muscles as you make out with your boyfriend. Loving your reciprocation, Jaeyoon lifts you off the ground and makes you sit on the counter, not breaking the kiss for one second...

Dawon

You gasp in surprise when you feel a strong chest hug into you. Kissing the side of your head, Sanghyuk smiles, happy to finally have you in his arms after another long day of work.

"Hi"

"Hi baby. You took a shower?" You ask, noticing that he's wearing only sweatpants.

"Yeah. I went to the gym after work." He replies, walking towards the mirror to apply his moisturizer.

Nodding you change out of your work clothes, finally feeling like you can breathe again. Now it was your turn to hug him.

Approaching him slowly, you tickle your way around his torso and abs, resting your forehead against his ear you sigh satisfactorily. Smiling widely at your clingyness, Sanghyuk continues to moisturize. "Tired?"

Humming a response you open your eyes and breathe out, having closed your eyes as soon as you hugged him. Pluckering your lips, you lean up to kiss one long sweet kiss on his neck. And then another next to it. And another.

"I thought you were tired." He says in a deadpanned tone.

"I am" you hum.

"Fuck it. I'll do most of the work then" Turning around, Sanghyuk stares down at you, biting his lip sexily making your breath hitch and mind go blank. Grabbing your waist in one hand to pull you flush into him, he leans down to connect your lips together while his other hand cups your butt, asking you to jump into his arms so he can take you to bed for a long, long night.

Zuho

You were laying across the couch, you boyfriend Juho sitting on the ground, his back on the same couch near your head. You were waiting for your lunch to be delivered, the app saying it'll take only a few minutes.

The day was spent well with taking the cats to the vet, then going grocery shopping and coming back home and putting them in their respective containers. Of course the whole ordeal tired you both out. So you decided to treat yourselves by ordering in.

You laugh silently as Juho played with Kompangg, making weird sounds to get the feline's attention and to make her meow. Huru of course the rebel, in his own world, sleeping cutely in his bed.

Pulling yourself forward by your arms, you place you head on Juho's shoulder, trying to help him play with his younger pawed child. When she finally meowed after a lot of both of your efforts, you cheer extending your arm to pet her ears.

Smiling at her doey eyes, you place an innocent kiss on Juho's neck, resuming your previous position on the couch.

"Why did you do that? " Juho asks, putting Kom in the ground. Turning to you with a smirk, Juho leans his hands on the couch.

"Do what?" You ask quizzically, cause you really didn't know. Looking at your clueless expression, Juho realizes that you didn't mean anything by that kiss. Pursuing his lips, he looks down on his lap, cringing at his dirty mind.

"Did you think I wanted sex?!" You accuse him when you figure out what he was thinking. Scratching the back of his neck, he laughs timidly trying to think of an excuse when the front door bell rang.

"Ah! Yes food's here!" He says quicky, sprinting off towards the door while you laugh.

Rowoon

Sprawled widely on the bed, Seokwoo replies to his texts with a pout on his lips while waiting for you to join him so he can cuddle you to sleep. Jumping onto the bed, you grab your pillow and lay on top of it for support while looking into his phone too.

"Why do you have so many at this time? "

"I ignored the group from morning." He replies.

Nodding your head, you sigh in exhaustion from the day's work. Pushing half of your body on his, you rest your chin in his neck and close your eyes. What you've been addicted to since dating him, was situating yourself on top of him whenever where ever he lies down. It always gave you warmth. And him a sense of feeling small. He also loves it when you give him a back massage or draw on top of his wide back, just for the fun of it.

"Okay! I'm done. Let's sleep." Seokwoo says making you open your eyes in surprise.

"Okie" you say in a small voice, bending down to peck his neck before rolling off him onto your side if the bed.

Opening his mouth for a good ten seconds, he licks his lips and turns his head to look at you. Seeing you wrap yourself in the comforter like a burrito, he blinks in confusion.

Once settled, you look at him in question, wondering why he isn't tucking himself in. "Why are you not turning? Are you okay? "

Your words pull him out of his trance. Opening his mouth to answer, but closing it again when he realizes that he doesn't have one, he just looks at you.

"Nothing. Good night." He finally says, wondering why such a simple action took him by so much surprise.

Yoo Taeyang

Smiling lovingly Taeyang stands in the kitchen preparing an even more love filled meal for you. He knows how you've only had a small breakfast, so he took it upon himself to make you something delicious for when you come out of the bedroom after attending all your meetings.

Humming along with the song playing in the background, he stirs the contents of the pot. "Y/N will like this." He says to himself. And as if you cue, he hears the bedroom door open and from there came out a very tired you.

Walking into the kitchen, you let your feet drag you till you're behind Taeyang. Wrapping your arms around his torso while being careful of the hot vessel on the stove, you rest your head on his back. "I hate work" you complain pouting.

"I know. " he agrees, chuckling at your childish behaviour. Taking in a deep breath, smelling the aroma of your lunch, you sway in happiness while still hugging Taeyang. Rising on your tippy toes, you place a small kiss on his neck, squeezing him tightly in your arms. Freezing he widens his eyes as his shoulders tense at your actions.

"You're amazing" you compliment him. Pulling away you begin to walk towards the bathroom, completely failing to notice your blushing mess of a boyfriend.

"You can't just do that!" He complains loudly to a still very clueless you.

Hwiyoung

Tired from overworking yourself, you close your eyes leaning back in your chair. Youngkyun was sitting next to you, doing his work. Noticing your despair immediately, he pauses and saves his work first, then yours.

"Let's go take a nap. We've been here long enough." He says, worry laced in every syllable.

Nodding you push your chair back a bit, until your legs are out. Lifting your arms up to him, you silently ask him to carry you to bed. Smiling at your cuteness, he obliges, not having the heart to say no to you. Like always.

And so he gently picks you up bridal style and walks to the bed. And just as, if not even more gently, he places you on the bed. Unfolding the blanket, he spreads it on the bed before getting in with you, making sure you are tucked in well.

Attacking him as soon as he's settled next to you, you throw one leg across his torso and intertwine your hands on his chest,nuzzling your nose shamelessly in his neck. Chuckling he starts to pat your shoulder, back and head, to put you to sleep.

Releasing a breath finally feeling relaxed, you turn your head up to kiss him, not really caring where you ended up kissing him, but you kiss him. "I love you" you mumble against his skin.

Biting his lip, he continues to pat you to sleep, while he lays there wide awake, still feeling the aftermath of your simple kiss. Little do you know, he's silently begging his hormones to calm down or else he will never hear the end of it.

Chani

A typical Saturday afternoon for the two of you. You are engrossed in your work while Chanhee is on his desktop playing games. Being cooped up in your work for so long, you decide that you needed to take a break. Probably a snack too.

Getting up from your position, you walk towards Chanhee's chair to wrap your hands around his shoulders. Smiling when he feels your presence behind him, he just continues to play his game. Playing a sweet kiss on his cheek, you lean your head against his temple, averting your attention to the screen.

"What"

"Nothing. Just trying to see what's so interesting in the game."

Lifting your head to look at him for a moment, you bend down and press your nose to his neck. Giggling at your action, Chani is about to protest when he freezes in his spot. Playing tiny pecks of admiration on his neck repeatedly, you close your eyes happy to be in his warmth.

"Stop! " Chani exclaims in surprise, pausing the game.

Opening your eyes at this sudden outburst, you look at him with curious eyes. "Why?"

"Do you- Are you- ah.... " Gulping he is at a loss for words. Staring at your with wide eyes he just opens and closes his mouth.

Blinking you giggle at his flush state, not really catching what's going on in his mind. "I'm gonna make myself a snack. When you decide what and how you want to tell me, I'll be ready." You laugh exiting the room, leaving a very dumbfolded Chani in your wake.

[5uptic]

crewfu: fanfic spotlight!

We work together by Anonymous (5up & DK, unrated, gen | 248 words)

Summary: One likes plants and baking, the other loves to create and design video games. They stay up and create monstrosities together, it's their fun, it's their favourite game. Aka a 5up and Dk roommate au!

No matter how life tangles, I’m still here with you. by hungryandsleepy (5up/Steve, general rating, m/m | 279 words)

Summary: 5up has been working so hard on his new map, and of course, he needs someone to give him a motivation to go to sleep.

objectively pretty by vesque (5up/Steve, general rating, m/m | 462 words)

Summary: steve is drunk. he's pretty sure 5up is too. that doesn't mean being called pretty is any less momentuous.

you plus me by mangoedges (5up/Steve, teen rating, m/m | 489 words)

Summary: 5up and Steve meet.

he said to me by mangoedges (5up/Steve, teen rating, m/m | 656 words)

Summary: 5up and Steve share a moment.

by the snowmen by mangoedges (5up/Steve, teen rating, m/m | 670 words)

Summary: Steve has a moment when it's all over.

today you got to know me (a little bit too slowly) by runninohhoney (5up/Steve, teen rating, m/m | 675 words)

Summary: Steve lights up a cigarette. 5up doesn't smoke.

what would it take by mangoedges (5up/Steve, teen rating, m/m | 787 words)

Summary: It's Steve's first mission. He hecks up. Or does he?

sorta cute by floweruru (5up/Steve, unrated, m/m | 822 words)

Summary: ‘I wouldn’t do that,’ he said. ‘That’s just disrespectful,’ he said. Yet there was 5up, crushed like a can in Steve’s embrace, feebly kicking at nothing as his feet leave the pavement.

i was gonna kill u, but ur kinda cute?? by Cthulhuer (5up/Steve, general rating, m/m | 1k words)

Summary: Steve is a mess and 5up is worse.

I hear a Symphony by AwkwardAce (5up/Fundy, unrated, m/m | 1.1k words)

Summary: He exhaled until his lungs ached for air, fingers twitching as he opted to remove the sleek white gloves he wore in a feeble effort to soothe himself. It didn’t work. He wrung his trembling hands together as his eyes raked down the worn leather case taking in the doodles- some etched some drawn- across the faded surface. He snapped the buckles open and his breath hitched, catching in his already tight throat. For a moment the world span, his head throbbed and he wanted nothing more than to run and hide. 5up breathed out slowly, shakily.

staring by lytriis (5up/Steve, teen rating, m/m | 1.1k words)

Summary: steve asks 5up out. 5up doesn’t know how to respond.

and it's four am, and yet, you're here by vesque (5up/Steve, general rating, m/m | 1.2k words)

Summary: in which steve shows up at 5up's house, in the middle of the night, completely spontaneously

more than this by mangoedges (5up/Steve, teen rating, m/m | 1.2k words)

Summary: Steve catches 5up venting.

3:15 by vesque (5up/Steve, general rating, m/m | 1.2k words)

Summary: Steve tries to guess Five's name. It's much more difficult than he anticipated.

things were different by fourpebbles (Apollo/Steve, teen rating, m/m | 1.5k words)

Summary: His eyes circled around to his friends, Kimi and Janet engaging in pleasant comversation, sleepy and becoming increasingly more sober. He looked, finally, across him, and caught Dumbdog staring at him. What now bro, what did this guy want. small talk, turns into not small talk, then there's no talk

Once Upon A Dream by SmearedWords (5up/Steve, teen rating, m/m | 1.5k words)

Summary: 5up looks ethereal, while Steve is struggling to breathe. "You're not real either." Or: Steve has a crush and a nightmare in three parts, 5up is tired, the crew life is hard and Polus sucks.

the ones you love will call you back by homeward_bound (Apollo/Steve, teen rating, m/m | 1.8k words)

Summary: stevesuptic: dude, is it weird that i miss vegas   DumbDog: No? I do too.   stevesuptic: okay [steve misses vegas and apollo. they talk about it]

cough it out by cj__writes (Apollo/Steve, teen rating, m/m | 2k words)

Summary: Apollo thinks that Steve must be well and truly gone, at this point, because he giggles, like Apollo’s just told a particularly funny joke. He looks Apollo right in the eye and asks, “Do you trust me?” “Absolutely not.”

ivy by Secular_Czar (5up/Steve, teen rating, gen | 2.1k words)

Summary: It might be a sad day, in general, but Steve isn't about to let it get to him. His friends won't ever let him wallow either.

The Colosseum by WhenTheFogClears (general rating, gen | 2.1k words)

Summary: Five squinted, looking at the colosseum intensely. He thinks Apollo was latched onto the sphinx’s shoulder, fur matted with blood. Janet was slumped against a column, probably out, with Kimi whose bow was snapped in two, her leg twisted at an odd angle. DK was in the corner trying to cast various supporting hexes and charms with a broken arm, whilst Hafu was dragging a heavily bandaged Steve away. or 5up slaughters a cat

Oneshots :) by woofles1990 (5up/Fundy, 5up/Steve, teen rating, multi | 2.5k words, oneshot collection)

Summary: Just a bunch of MCYT/Among Us oneshots, mainly featuring 5up's crew because yes :)

the adventures of 5up and steve staying up late because they're under 30 by 5280ft (5up/Steve, teen rating, m/m | 2.5k words)

Summary: “The night is young!” Steve yells at the ceiling, throwing his hands up in the air. “Take advantage of it! Commit crimes! Fuck hoes!” Five catches his hands in the air and laughs. “You wish you had hoes.”

unreasonably in love by cj__writes (Apollo/Steve, teen rating, m/m | 2.6k words, chaptered WIP)

Summary: "It was like pieces of a puzzle, everything coming together. And now, here they are, standing in their apartment, which looks more like a hollow shell than a home, filled solely with scattered boxes and the minuscule amount of furniture that they brought with them to Vegas." Or: what happens after Apollo and Steve move in together.

cant be love by fourpebbles (Apollo/Steve, teen rating, m/m | 3.5 words, chaptered WIP)

Summary: He had chuckled to himself, he felt so stupid. Who in their fucking minds names a playlist 'sugr?', he thought, internally cringing. A story where a Steve meets an Apollo, and some things happen.

Somewhere in the darkness, us together for a while by tumtummeke (Apollo & Kimi & Steve, teen rating, gen | 3.6k words)

Summary: Apollo worries about Steve. Steve breaks his vape pen. Kimi plays power washer. Self-indulgent angst, with a generous helping of friendship and cuddles.

odyssey by 5280ft (5up/Steve, teen rating, m/m | 23k words, chaptered WIP)

Summary: "First you will come to the Sirens who enchant all who come near them. If any one unwarily draws in too close and hears the singing of the Sirens...they warble him to death with the sweetness of their song. Therefore pass these Sirens by and stop your men's ears with wax that none of them may hear." -Homer, The Odyssey

Also: SilverSprinklez10‘s yupwaves collection.

Summary: This is a Harry Potter AU based on the characters/personas of the youtubers/streamers.

FAQ:

Wait what is this: pretty straight to the point! i’ll regularly share crewfu-related fanfictions to this blog :)

How regularly is “regularly”?: great question! LOL. it depends on the flow of fanfics that get uploaded, which i do not have any control over, but i’m looking forward to do this twice a month. after all, it’s only me doing this and i often run on a tight schedule.

What’s the format like?:

[title of fic with link] by [author of the fic with link] ([main pairing(s), if there is one/multiple], [fic rating: eg, general rating], [relationship: eg, m/m] | [word count in k] ([added prompt to specify if it’s complete or not)])

Summary: [summary provided by the author. if it doesn’t have a summary, a “No summary” prompt will be put instead]

(What does WIP mean again?): Work In Progress :)

Why are you doing this?: from the beginning, my blog has hosted conversations about RPF (real people fiction) and crewfu pairings. this has evolved into people sending me updates about certain fics in the crewfu tags every now and then, but i wanna take the next step and just do these things myself. after all, i’m already lurking in the tags often to see the fics that get posted. as someone who is both a writer and a reader, i wanna appreciate fanfic writers and help out other people that want to read fanfic and consume more fandom content!

Will it be AO3 only?: well, ao3 has a very helpful tag system that makes finding fics incredibly easy, as well as allowing people with no accounts to like and comment on fics, so that’s the site i will personally look in for fanworks. but if there are any fics you’ve written or liked in any other platforms, such as wattpad, you can always contact me through my inbox (send an ask or a dm!), and i’ll make sure to include for the next fanfic spotlight :)

Does it mean you won’t reply to fic asks anymore?: yeah, i guess. since i’ll be doing the searching myself it seems counterproductive. but if i ever skip a fic or again, it’s in another platform, or you’ve posted/read the fic a while ago and you want to get more traction on it, hit me up and i’ll take it into consideration!

Will you read every single one of the fics on your list?: oh no. again, i run on a tight schedule, and also i have my own taste when it comes to fics. i won’t be reviewing fics or any of the sort, and my intention extends to simply sharing these fics to this page so people will have easier access to them :) that’s where ao3 tagging becomes SUPER useful!!!

So what’s the criteria for the way you’ll sort out the fics in your list?: word count, going from lowest to highest. in case of fics in other platforms, i guess i’ll put them at the top of the list. i’ll also be looking for fairly recent fics, so let me know if you want any old-ish fic to be included.

I see you talking mostly about 5up/Steve and Steve/Apollo. Can I still send/see other crewfu fics?: why yes absolutely! my goal is to push every fic which heavily features regular crewfu characters - 5uptic and supdog just happen to be very popular pairings. so, to give you a list: core 4 (5up, hafu, dk, steve), apollo, aipha, annie, janet, kimi, ellum, koji... you know the drill. it doesn’t have to be centered on a relationship, or about 5up in specific, etc. my only requirement is that any of the previously mentioned members are a central part of the fic or are HEAVILY featured in it (sorry, minecraft fics with 50+ tags who only mention 5up as an afterthought won’t make the cut :/).

Isn’t shipping Bad™?: well, it’s a little more nuanced than that. i will go out of my way to discourage and shame people who often violate CCs’ boundaries by acting like so and so has a crush on this person, or that this and that are Actually Into Each Other or secretly dating. any sort of tinhat bullshit is a big nono (think larries). but i run on the assumption that people who write rpf understand that what they’re doing is simply write a completely fictional story using real life personalities, and understand the boundaries necessary to do it - aka they’re not tinhats, they understand they can’t assume everything about CCs’ thoughts and personalities, they understand that what they’re writing is strictly fiction, they keep these works only in fandom circles, etc. (but again, it’s only one me doing this, so please be kind if i don’t happen to know that this person is Actually a tinhat or whatever).

show fic: NO. (seriously. i don’t feel comfortable putting my ao3 account out there. please respect my privacy on these trying times <3)

I REALLY don’t care about your rpf/fic talk: fair! i’ll be tagging every single one of these posts as “fanfic spotlight”, so just mute the tag using tumblr settings so you’ll never have to look at these! likewise, you can follow the tag if you want to keep up with it, or search it on my blog to look at the other entries you might have missed (but this is the first one! lol).

Hey, my fic is here and I don’t feel comfortable with it being shared over here: no problem! let me know as soon as you can and i’ll take it down <3

[yannowhatigiveup]

My One And Only - Chapter 18

Previous | Next | Master List

Hey! Welcome back to another chapter of MOaO! I won’t be able to update this as much as I want to (I’m not really updating it as fast as I won’t to right now but I’m trying) as exams are coming up as well as other various things. (I just realized that I haven’t said this earlier I’m so sorry, Ramadan Kareem to those who celebrate it!) Also, thank you so much for 128 followers!

"...I believe I found a way to subdue Hawkmoth"

————————————————————

Her eyes repeatedly scanned the page, making sure she was reading it correctly.

"It won't defeat Hawkmoth" Damian carefully pointed out, not wanting to diminish her excitement. "But it'll be able to stop him for some time, a month or two at most"

"Do you know what this means?" Her voice was barely above a whisper. "We'll be able to have some peace of mind! We'll be able to prepare ourselves! The whole of Paris! Who know, maybe we'll be able to get some clues on his identity as well as Mayura's as well!"

By the end, Marinette was spinning around the room, her slight giggles of happiness appeared here and there. Damian chuckled at her delight, seeing her happy was probably one of his most favourite sites in the world, that and seeing her flustered.

"I understand that you're excited but what do these cryptic messages mean, 'a tear of joy'? Did I translate that correctly"

She giggled at his confusion. "No that's one of the ingredients for the power up. Speaking of ingredients, I need to get some" Her bluebell eyes quickly scanned over the tablet again before she speed walked out of the hotel with Damian on her arm. "We're going to Master Fu's old place, he still has some ingredients we could use"

The two walked in silence, there was a topic that they needed to discuss, the end of the week was approaching fast.

"Maybe in the small time of peace, I can get Father and my brothers to help"

The bluenette chuckled slightly but not out of amusement. "I almost forgot, you'll be leaving in a few days" her gaze fell to the ground before she looked up at her boyfriend, solemnly. "It's gonna be a lot different, huh?"

He squeezed her hand gently with a comforting smile on his face. "It will be but I'm sure we'll handle it"

The couple grabbed the necessary ingredients and made their way back to the hotel. They dropped them off at the hotel room before making their way upper to the restaurant to get some food. Their dinner was quickly interrupted by a rockstar coming to congratulate his niece.

"Nettie! You're rock'n'roll! Your song is a huge hit!" Jagged exclaimed once he reached the table, he only seemed to register there was another person there once he sat down. His moderate cyan eyes widened in recognition when his gaze landed on the green-eyed boy. "You must be Damian, you look just like you're old man Brucie"

Damian shook his hand when the rockstar had offered it. "I am, Mr Stone"

"Uncle Jagged-"

"You break my niece's heart, I'll send Fang to eat you"

"Uncle Jagged!-"

"And I will gladly let you"

"I approve of your relationship, I just wanted to give the shovel talk since it sounded fun"

Marinette gaped at the two males on her table. "Dami, don't encourage him! I've already got Gami waiting to spar with you"

"Ah yes, my son's girlfriend is just as scary as Penny" Jagged visibly shuddered in good nature.

"Wait, Luka and Gami got together? Without telling me?!" The bluenette huffed, offended. "And to think I'm his honorary cousin"

Jagged chortled at her reaction while Damian had a faint smile playing on his lips. The rockstar decided to take his leave shortly after that, not wanting to draw some unwanted attention. He did manage to leave a pair of blushing teens as he told them to "Use protection!" before departing. Marinette was utterly embarrassed while Damian was flustered. Once dinner was finished, the couple went back to Damian's hotel room to discuss what they were going to do next.

Doing his best to help, Damian passed the ingredients to his girlfriend who then mixed up said ingredients in a pot.

"Can you get the Tear of Joy, Dami?"

The green-eyed boy looked through the ingredients until he found the slim bottle with a minuscule amount of clear liquid. He eyed the water as it squished in the bottle, it seemed so ordinary despite the great magic it could create. Damian could almost see the water taunting him with its mystic properties, he could just about feel it as he brought the bottle closer to the cauldron.

"This is it, correct?" The ravenette showed the blue-eyed girl the bottle in his hand

Her eyes lit up when presented with the vial. "Yes, that's it" As she removed the cork that was sealing the bottle shut, Damian asked a question that was lingering in the back of his mind.

"What exactly is the tear of joy?"

Marinette turned to smile at him. "It's a tear of joy"

"So a tear caused by laughter?"

"Precisely" She looked up at the ceiling wistfully. "I remember, when Syren attacked, Master Fu was trying to decode what a 'tear of joy' was. It took some time but we managed to figure it out in the end" She sighed. "It's great that we managed to find out about 'power-ups' but if we found out about them sooner, maybe more people would've been saved."

He put his hands comfortably on her shoulders. "What did Syren do exactly?"

She stopped dead in her tracks. That wasn't the reaction that Damian was expecting, whatever had happened with this Akuma must have been bad to induce this response.

The bluenette sighed and looked at the green-eyed boy straight into his emerald eyes. "Syren was one of the most dangerous Akumas we've ever had to deal with. She flooded all of Paris with her tears, only a few hundred people managed to reach the rooftops in time"

A breath quickly sucked in through his lips, the scene itself sounded horrible, imagining it even more so, having to actually see it must have been... traumatic.

"But Ondine is doing much better with Kim. And it's all in the past, we've learnt how to deal with the memories!" Her smile hurt to look at. His girlfriend had to deal with so much and she couldn't even express her negativity without fear of becoming an akuma. Damian placed a kiss on her head as she finally got the lid off of the bottle.

Both teens watched in anticipation as the droplet rolled down to the bottle's lip, teetering over the edge. It fell in. The concoction then shimmered a silvery blue. Grabbing a bottle, Marinette poured some of the liquid inside it, looked at the bottle and hummed in satisfaction. She quickly put all the equipment used back in a box and cleaned up any mess made. Once she was finished, she turned to the boy standing over her.

"I'll bring these back to Master Fu's old apartment then I'll drop this bottle off at my house, you can tell Tikki and Plagg that they can come out now"

The contents of the box shifted to one side, Damian helped steady both the bluenette and the box before going to the kwamis. Once the kwamis where comfortably with their owners, Tikki in Marinette's purse and Plagg in Damian's hoodie pocket, they made their way to the apartment. It still technically belonged to Master Fu, he rest hadn't rented it out so they were free to roam around. After putting the equipment away, the couple strolled to Marinette's house hand in hand. The bluenette went up to her balcony, with Damian close behind, and hid the bottle under her pink-striped deck chair, away from the sunlight.

"It needs to 'mature' in the moonlight, I guess. So when the moon is out, I'll take the bottle out" Marinette gestured for Damian to follow her as she went back down to the bakery portion of her house. "I'll give you some Camembert with the power ups infused. But I'll have to make it first!"

She hummed as she went upside to retrieve other substances that Master Fu had taught her to create. In the moment she was gone, Plagg appeared.

"I hate transforming!" The black kwami whined, settling in the boy's hair.

"What's so bad about it?" Damian raised an eyebrow at Plagg's outburst.

"It ruins the beautiful taste of Camembert, and it tastes weird"

"Quit your whining Plagg" Tikki's squeaky, but still relatively scary, voice rang out as both she and her owner returned.

"But Sugarcube-"

"No 'but's Stinky Sock!"

Damian watched with quiet amusement while Marinette giggled, handing him a wheel of Camembert.

"The cheese is cut up in different slices, each representing a different power up. I'll explain which is which on the way back to the hotel"

Damian put the wheel in his pocket before taking the bluenette's hand. "I look forward to it"

~~~

Each power up was simple enough, they all had a different colour corresponding with it's ability, making it easier to memorize. The couple walked by a dark alley as Damian check the time. Passing his phone to the bluenette next to him, Marinette took one glance at the time before dragging the two of them into said dark alley. It was time for patrol. Once both were done transforming, Noir and Ladybug made their to the assigned rooftop. When landing, Noir took his staff and looked through the help guide to get a better idea of what weapon he was working with. Spinning the staff with his hands, he separated the staff into two separate batons. He hummed in contentment.

"Grayson never gave me his escrima sticks for missions. I suppose this is good training if I ever want to use them"

The two rods snapped back together with a satisfying snap. Continuing to look through the articles on his now full staff, Noir didn't even notice when Ladybug moved to stand behind him. In one swift motion, the spotted heroine pulled down the black hood that was shielding the black cat-themed hero's face.

"La-"

Her covered fingers stroked his black cat ears, she giggled as his cheeks flushed. The feeling itself was unusual to the green-eyed hero, he had never felt anything remotely similar before but he wouldn't say he didn't enjoy it. It was just... unexpected. The spotted heroine, however, quite liked making the stoic Noir flustered. His ears felt so much like a real cat's that Ladybug was nearly taken aback, she got used to it after her shock, though. Noir found himself leaning into her touch but looking at everything but her in embarrassment.

Had his ears not been occupied he probably would've heard the two other heroes arriving, he only knew they were here as he saw them in his peripheral vision, rolling his eyes as he noticed them snickering.

'Angel, Rena and Chien are here'

Ladybug's head snapped in the direction of the two other heroes, one of her hands left his head as she she greeted the fox and the dog.

"Hello Rena Rouge, Chien" Ladybug greeted them casually, something Noir knew he couldn't do at that moment.

"Hello to you too LB! Hey Noir, did the bug find a way to tame you?

He mumbled a reply.

Ladybug giggled before turning to properly address the other heroes. "I've been thinking of adding three more members. I know it's a lot since you, Rena, have only just been announced as a permanent user and you, Chien, have basically just joined. But Noir and I found something that will require their help. I have a hunch that Hawkmoth might try something like Guerrier but with the same level as Syren"

The fox-themed hero nodded. "You need all the help you can get. So who do you have in mind?"

"A Snake, a Bee and a Dragon" The spotted heroine answered with no hesitation. "We'll need a snake as it is... intuitive"

Upon registering the description, Chien chuckled. "Isn't that the point?"

"Perhaps" Ladybug hummed with a smile on her face. "A dragon can control elements, a strong power would be useful. The bee miraculous's power is immobilization-"

"Paralysis can be very beneficial when trying to stop an akuma" Noir provided his input.

"Yes. So what do you think?" The spotted heroine looked between the three heroes standing on the rooftop with her. Noir hummed approval while Chien gave her a thumbs up.

"You always have the best ideas, Bug!" Rena voiced out her agreement, Ladybug let out a sigh of relief she didn't know she was holding.

"Then I'll go get them now shall I? We gotta teach them as fast as we can" The blue-eyed heroine took the yo-yo from her hip, spinning it with a flick of her wrist. "I'll send them here and then you show them the ropes"

"Aye aye Captain!" Chien saluted and Rena followed suit, only after a quick laugh. Noir rolled his eyes in good nature while pulling his hood back up, flicking his cat ears before doing so.

Hurling her yo-yo at a nearby building, Ladybug hissed through the air, her yo-yo latching onto another building as she neared the previous. Soon enough, she landed gracefully in a quiet area where two familiar figures were strolling hand in hand.

"Ladybug?" A boy with dyed hair questioned, a bluenette with short hair and almond eyes next to him.

She nodded before pulling out two miraculous from her yo-yo with, presumably, unlimited storage. "Luka Couffaine, Kagami Tsurugi, these are the miraculous of the Snake and the miraculous of the Dragon. They grant you the powers of Intuition and Perfection. You will use these miraculouses for the greater good, can I trust you?"

Luka and Kagami shared a knowing look then turned to the heroine in front of them.

"You can count on use Ladybug"

"We're honored to be chosen to fight by your side, my Ladybug"

She gave them the miraculous and watched as they both transformed into Viperion and Ryuko. "The others are waiting at this location." She showed them a map on her yo-yo. "I'll meet you there once I finish with a task a have to do." She hissed through the air once more, thanks to her yo-yo, and landed on a rooftop that was very familiar now. There stood a blonde, leaning on the banister.

"Ladybug?" Chloe's confused voice rang out.

"Hello Chloe Bourgeois" Ladybug took something from her yo-yo. "This is the Bee miraculous, it grants the power to immobilise your opponents. Should you choose to help us-"

"I can't"

"Pardon?"

"I said I can't" The blonde looked solemnly at the heroine. "I've been an utterly horrible person, I don't deserve to be a hero. Especially after... Queen Bee"

"People can change Chloe" Ladybug put a hand on the blonde's shoulder. "As long as they are given the chance to. Do you want to take this chancep?"

Chloe stared at the miraculous before looking at the heroine with a determined expression.

"I won't let you down, Ladybug"

~~~

Ladybug soon returned with a bee-themed heroine, named Honey Bee, by her side. After a brief reintroduction, the patrol began. Rena Rouge took the west side with Honey Bee and Viperion, Chien and Ladybug took the East while Ryuko and Noir took the North, they had already checked the South. Most of the patrol was done in silence, other than the odd 'nothing wrong here'. Ryuko had been the one to start a conversation

"You're the new wielder of black cat miraculous, correct?" The dragon user questioned Noir. He recognised it as the beginning of an interrogation.

"It certainly seems that way" Ryuko hummed.

"You fancy Ladybug, don't you" The question obviously took him aback. "Do you consider yourself... worthy?

The cat-themed hero didn't hesitate. "No"

He saw her raise her eyebrows.

"Ladybug is too virtuous for this world, there's not a soul in this entire universe worthy of her affection"

The dragon hummed in satisfaction. "You remind me of the boyfriend of one of my friends. Though I have yet to be convinced that he should date said friend, you have proved yourself worthy of Ladybug. I approve of your relationship even though it isn't my place to make such a decision"

"I am pleased" Despite the fact that he is a leader in this team, he's content with the fact he has the great dragon user's approval as she is the most intimidating of the team, other than Ladybug herself.

"Also don't mess this up, Ladybug is a Queen " Ryuko casually pointed out.

"Glad I am not the only one that thinks so"

"How can you not? Have you seen her?!"

"She's a goddess"

"You have my approval again"

~~~

Noir and Ryuko were first to arrive as they had finished their patrol early, the rest of the team weren't too far behind, however.

"Alright" Ladybug began once everyone returned. "Honey Bee, Viperion, Ryuko, it'll be best if you memorize all of Paris. That way, when there's trouble, you'll know your way around."

"I found that an aerial view is the fastest way to know the city like the back of your hand!" Rena Rouge pointed out.

"That's also the way I did it!" Chien chimed in,

"Yep! If you don't mind, there's something I'd like to discuss with both Rena Rouge and Chien. Noir, will you join us?" The spotted heroine turned to the heroes named.

"I ought to" He replied flatly.

"Alright then, follow me!" Ladybug hissed through the air followed by Noir with his staff and Rena and Chien with their enhanced abilities. Soon they landed in an alley. "I know you already know this, Rena, but I think it's fair if Chien knows too"

"Fair that I know what?" His gaze moved between the two heroines before landing on the black cat hero, silently begging for answers, to which Noir returned with an unconvincing shrug.

"That you know this. Tikki, spots off!" A blinding red light filled the narrow corner they were in, Rena shut one of her eyes while Chien shut both, Noir was shielded from the light thanks to his hoodie. Then, a certain Marinette Dupain-Cheng stood where the spotted heroine once was.

"Wh- Bu- How-" Chien spluttered as his brain combusted with all the information that was flowing through it at once. Marinette giggled at his confusion, Rena full on laughed, clutching her stomach while Noir merely smirked. "But, but I saw you standing next to Ladybug! Wait no, yourself? My brain is melting! Wait, you two knew?!" The dog-themed hero screeched.

"She's my best friend" Rena shrugged with an innocent expression, her transformation dropped. Chien stared in shock.

"She's my girlfriend" Noir mimicked Rena Rounge's shrug while letting his transformation fall too, leaving Chien the only one transformed.

"Okay THAT makes sense, you're both deathly attr- Wait, did you say best fRIEND?!" Chien shrieked and detransformed.

"ADRIEN?!" Alya exclaimed, Marinette and Damian watched in amusement.

"As entertaining as this is-" The green-eyed boy cut in before the pair would attract unwanted attention. "-Marinette needs to explain the reason why she revealed her identity to you"

The bluenette nodded. "You see early today, at school, I had this 'miraculous burn' I guess you could say from Guerrier's attack. Thanks to Alya I'm feeling better but that resulted in getting my identity revealed. So to avoid anymore incidents like that, I also told you Adrien. I can't tell the rest of the team yet as I don't want them to go all protective over me, you'll three will have enough overprotectiveness"

"Not wrong there, girl" Alya said without shame.

"I know I have to tell them my true identity at some point but right now it's better just to have you three know."

"We understand" Alya and Adrien said in unison.

"Great, now let's go back to the others so we can tell them patrol is over"

~~~

It was sunset, the orange cotton clouds contrasted beautifully with the darkening blue sky. A cool wind blew through the air, cold enough to make one shiver but not enough to catch a cold. Walking hand in hand, a couple made their way to Le Grand Paris. The bluenette looked up to the noirette next to her, leaning onto his arm covered by the Robin-themed hoodie and smiling while doing so, she closed her eyes to savor the moment.

"Angel?" Damian brushed the stray hairs on her face as she pulled away to look at him properly.

"You know, I'm really going to miss this" Marinette raised their conjoined hands as they approached the hotel doors.

He hummed and in response, put his arm around her waist to pull her closer while going through the elevator doors. "I am too"

They soon reached the hotel room, the kwamis roaming around for food once they got inside. Food in hand, Tikki and Plagg sat of the coffee table, leaning on one another as Damian turned on the screen to watch a movie. Once he was comfortably seated, Marinette joined him, snuggling into his side. He brushed his fingers through her silky midnight hair. He was going to miss this, deeply. What would life be like going back, without the beautiful bluenette physically next to him?

'I do not want to find out'

———

Provisional Cessation, It was created for the purpose of temporarily stopping a miraculous from being used if any harm were to come to the user. It would also deem it unusable for a certain period of time if the miraculous were ever come into the wrong hands. The reason Master Fu didn't tell Marinette this information was because the last time a user tried this power up, they were put into a magical induced coma, it was too risky.

———

Taglist:@little-bluestar,@miracleofadisaster,@frieddonutsweets,@jjmjjktth,@genderfluidmoma,@starlit-dreaming,@icerosecrystal,@lolieg,@kashlyn,@mochegato,@eggadoodle,@walkingthroughonautopilot,@toodaloo-kangaroo,@lady-bee-fechin,@weebjai1

[writesowhatnext]

love is learning // sirius black

Summary: Sirius & the reader have a friends-with-benefits relationship – is that enough?

Request: nopeee

A/N: my fave boy and my fave trope?? obviously

Reader: female, prefect

Warnings: British swears? Allusions to sex

“Blimey Pads, you look knackered.”

Sirius Black was loud, obnoxious, charming and always full of life. He tended to be a very prominent character during breakfast in great hall: constantly showing off and making very awful, very theatrical jokes. That was until about 3 months ago. James, Remus and Peter would’ve been worried had they not know the exact reason why his behaviour had taken such a sharp turn.

“I wonder why.” Remus said softly, his smirk disappearing into his mug. Sirius’ dark grey eyes, paralleled only by the bags under his eyes, glared across the table.

“You coming in every night at Merlin knows when would keep me up too, if I wasn’t so used it.” James snorted, biting into his toast as Sirius sent him the driest look he’d ever seen.

“Why don’t you ever stay the night, again?” Peter asked, flicking through his post.

“Because, Wormtail,” James said; a man who had asked the same question himself many a time. “It’s a very complicated situation you see-“

“A very, very complicated situation.” Remus added.

“Yes, you see, they’re just friends-“

“And she always kicks him out, Prongs, don’t forget.”

“Very good point, Mooney. But they’re just friends and well, she’s a prefect, you see, so she doesn’t share her room.”

“Just friends that shag.”

“Friends that shag, indeed.”

Sirius’s expression soured even further as they laughed at him, his grimace drawing his brows further and further together. He grumbled before standing up from the table, his hair falling in front of his face as he stacked his books on top of each other. “Tossers.” He muttered, leaving both the table and their incessant laughter in his wake.

Still chuckling into his tea, Remus looked across the great hall to see you, your tie barely trying, with your chin resting on your fist and your eyes closed. Your friends around you were completely ignoring you, them too accustomed to the aftermath of you and Sirius’ late-night routines. He had potions with you first and he was going to figure out why you and Sirius hadn’t just got together already.

Seeing you walk into potions prompted a smile on his face that he was hard-pressed to conceal: your scowl was identical to Sirius’ and it was abundantly clear you wanted to be anywhere but sitting in potions next to Remus. Life’s hard like that.

“You alright there, Y/N?” he asked as you sat down, slamming your books onto the desk. You merely groaned in response. “Busy night?”

The look you shot him made him laugh.

“That I expected from Potter, but not you, Remus.”

“Alright, alright. Let’s just get you through this class as fast as possible.”

“Perfect.”

Halfway through Slughorn’s class, you couldn’t help but notice how decidedly quiet Remus was. He was practically humming with unanswered questions and it was beginning to annoy you.

“Remus,” you snapped as his foot drummed against the wooden floors for the sixth time. “Ask what you want to ask.”

You didn’t know exactly what your expected, but what he asked was certainly not it.

“Why are you so scared of being with him?”

“What?”

You’d forgotten how observant Remus was. How smart he could be.

“I don’t understand why you’d be so against actually sleeping with him unless you were scared.” He frowned silently and you watched the way the scars on his face twisted. “I don’t understand what you’re scared of.”

You didn’t so much as sigh as exhale very sharply, trying to cover up how much you dreading answering this question. You trusted Remus though; he was a good friend.

“He’s Sirius Black. He’s shagged basically everyone in the year and he’s the most ridiculously obnoxious guy I’ve met in my whole life.” Flicking through your potions textbook to find the instructions for your last potion, you busied your hands with curling the pages. “But he’s a lot more than that. He’s smart and funny and he’s actually really kind and if I know more about him… Like how he is when he sleeps. Or whether he’s ticklish or whatever. I know I will like him a lot more than I should.” You coughed. “Anyway, we’re just friends.”

Remus didn’t reply. He didn’t know how to, really. The end to potions was welcomed in the silence.

You and Sirius’ routine continued until Christmas and whilst you were friends and you did, indeed, shag, there was a very distinct boundary in your relationship that was not to be crossed. You didn’t expect it to be crossed on the last day of term, not even when Sirius grabbed your arm in the corridor between classes. With a smirk on his lips and a familiar light in his eyes, he pulled you closer.

“I heard you were staying over Christmas?”

“Yeah? And?” The feeling of his hand on your upper arm and his breath in your ear as he spoke reminded you of the night before.

“I’m the only one in my dormitory tonight. Everyone’s going home.”

“And?”

He rolled his eyes. “So, come to mine tonight instead.”

You paused, musing slightly and looking past him to avoid his perfect face and perfect eyes and hair. The sky was dark outside but the halls of Hogwarts were vibrant with students excited to return home. When you looked back at him, Sirius’ eyebrow was raised expectantly.

“Sure.”

The rest of the day was uneventful and whilst it was odd to trek to Sirius’ room for your nightly activities, it was no less fun than usual.

Sirius stirred very, very late at night. He didn’t remember falling asleep – the last thing he remembered was your hot breath on his collar bones, your hands on his chest. At first, he heard the thunder, loud and echoing through the room with lightning sending bright flashes through the windows. Then, he heard sniffing. Blinking to rid sleep from his eyes, he tried to focus in the darkness. Thanks to the lightning, he could see the outline of your body; the way you flinched at each fork across the sky and the way your shoulders wobbled with each sniff.

“Y/N?” He whispered, pulling back the covers of his bed and sitting up. “Are you okay?”

He saw you nod but as another flash of lightning lit up your form, he was far from convinced.

“I don’t like thunder?” you said softly, into the darkness. Sirius didn’t say anything for a moment.

“Come here.”

He pulled back the duvet, revealing the place you’d been about ten minutes earlier – only in a very different sense: comfort, not pleasure.

“What?”

“Come here.” He stressed. His heart broke at your expression: your brows drawn downwards and your eyes screwed shut at each rumble.

“But-“

“Just come here.”

You thought about it for a moment; too many thoughts racing through your mind. The next flash made your mind up for you. He leant backwards slightly as you removed your trousers and as you crawled onto the bed, he leant back even further. His skin was still warm. His arms crept around you, pulling you closer. So, you lay there. With one hand under you, around your waist, and his other resting quietly, intimately, on your cheek, his eyes bored into yours, even in the darkness.

“I didn’t know you were scared of thunder, love.”

You flinched as the heavy thrum of the sky returned, inching closer to Sirius and placing your hands yet again onto his chest, unsure what to do with them.

“There’s a lot you don’t know about me.” You said, looking up at him as he rested his forehead against yours.

“That’s a shame. There’s a lot I’d like to know.”

You hoped the thunder would hide the way your breath caught in your throat.

“Like what?”

He hummed slightly as he lifted his chin, noticing you wince. He moved his hand to the back of your head, pulling you closer to tuck you into his chest. You were grateful for the comfort his warmth, the rhythm of his breathing.

“I was wondering yesterday what your favourite number is. Your favourite colour. If you like pickles.”

“I was wondering if you were ticklish,” You dragged your hand down his chest to circle his waist: partly to bring him closer, partly to maybe figure it out. “And whether you liked dogs.”

He chuckled slightly, pressing a kiss to the top of your head.

“I think I’d enjoy you finding out.”  

“Me too.”

There was a comfortable pause. You enjoyed the feeling of Sirius’s thumb  brushing against your hair.

“I don’t think anyone likes pickles.” You pushed the side of your face into his shoulder. “I certainly don’t.”

He hummed again.

“That’s good to know.”

[birdwonder]

headcanon the joestars on how they would react to an artist s/o like always painting, drawing and giving them like a painting of them they worked on?? thank u 💕

|| I don’t do part 5 or further requests yet, and I’m taking Joestars as in the Jojo’s, but I think I know Giorno somewhat enough to throw him in ! Also, cuuute request.

Part 1-5 Jojo’s | Artist S/O Headcanons 

Jonathan Joestar

- As one would expect, he is incredibly supportive of your talent! All of your family/couple portraits are hung up in the hallways and even a few landscape ones too to keep things looking lively. His favourite above all favourites would go above the fire place however, which is probably a painting of the two of you that you had gifted him on your anniversary.

- He cherishes it more than most possessions he owns, and when he’s warming up by the crackling flames, he can’t help but smile at it. That’s your hard work and your effort up there, and any house guests will know it as soon as he shows it to them. 

- Honestly, he doesn’t want to request anything from you as he feels as though anything that you gift him that comes from your mind and heart alone is far more valuable to him. Besides, he wouldn’t really know what to ask for aside from another portrait of you to hang somewhere that wasn’t taken up.

- During the spring and summer seasons, you take the time to set up an easel, canvas and paint set in the garden to have some fresh air and gather new inspiration. Even if you haven’t even gotten far into the piece, Jonathan will eventually come out the house with two cups of tea and stand behind you, bending down to lightly kiss your temple as he’s afraid anything more passionate would interrupt your creative process or cause your finger to slip. He would then ask for you to take a break and sit with him at a table to enjoy the view together, so the two of you can talk about your future painting plans and how his studies in archeology are going. Mutual respect for each other’s interests is an essential ingredient in any relationship.

- “Oh, look at your hands! No matter, we’ll just have to wash them once we’re inside,” is something he says before you realise that a tea cup you were holding had been smudged with a variety of green’s and blue’s from your fingertips. You apologise profusely in which he shakes his head at with a chuckle. “It’s alright, my love. I think it makes them look far more unique now! No china set in the world could look like this.”

- Skip 100 years into the future and your paintings may be in a gallery with a small “to Jonathan” written in the corner.

Joseph Joestar

- Definition of “Paint me like one of your french girls.~”

- Definitely suggests a nude painting of him. Or you. Or the two of you together, whether it be a joke or he’s somewhat serious.

- He’s amazed by your talent! Including your patience. He probably wouldn’t be able to sit still for long enough to even paint an abstract tree, so he has nothing but respect for your artistry. 

-If you were to ever gift him a drawing, he’d be stunned. Does he even deserve to own one of your pieces? Was this a declaration of love? Because he’s accepting it with a hard kiss to your lips and a string of ‘thank you’’s and compliments.

- One day, you had a serious artist block and had no idea what to paint leaving you stumped and staring at a blank canvas in despair. The lack of spark in your eyes that you usually had when painting hurt Joseph, so as a foolish attempt to help, he grabbed a bottle of one of your haunts and squirted it all over his hand.

- You gasped in response, about to scold him on the price of the paints when he suddenly slapped it smack middle of the canvas. “Joseph! Those cost a lot!”

- “Yeah but it’s fun! C’mon try it! Get your creative juices flowing or whatever you art folk say!” Taking your hand, he squirted a different colour onto it which made you giggle cutely as the cold sensation. He then guided it next to his bright hand print, pressing your palm down.

- It looked adorable and gave you an idea.

- With a smile, and a promise from Joseph that he’d buy you more paint later, the two of began to spread more paints onto your hands and continued to cover the canvas mindlessly with your prints.

- By the end of it, the two of who are laughing and even smearing paint on each other’s faces, leading to some squeals and hilarious facial features. 

- Sure, it wasn’t want you had initially wanted to go for, but with a carefully painted on “Joseph and [F/N]” written underneath the first two handprints that were made, you knew that the sentimental value of the piece was far greater than anything else you could have made.

Jotaro Kujo

- He has no reason to be against your talent and doesn’t have enough words and facial expressions to his name to show how impressed he is with you.

- Though that slightly changes when you hand him your sketch book one day, a bashful look on your face as you fear for the worst reaction from him.

- Inside are a multitude of sketches and even fine lined pieces of him, some with and without Star Platinum if you can see him, all carefully and accurately drawn in your own style. You even remembered to add the pin on his hat and his earrings...

- Jotaro could only blush brightly and cough into his hand to compose himself. “It’s good... I like it.” An understatement really, because if you let him keep even a page, he’ll be sure to keep it safe somewhere but no where obvious so his mother or grandfather don’t tease him for it. 

- If you ask him to pose for anything, he’ll want to decline and might even do so the first few times, though with some begging he may do some poses in your home, with the assurance that no one will barge in. Only casual ones though, so he doesn’t have to strain or embarrass himself.

- Buying presents for you is considerably easy as there’s always some sort of pen or paint set he can get to add to your wide range of media, all of which you are grateful for and gush over even though you tell him that buying them is unnecessary.

- “Have you considered doing an art major?” If you say yes, he supports you completely but warns you of the stresses and the harsh reality of the art world when it came to work.

Josuke Higashikata

- Ooh, is he going to show you off.

- “Yo Rohan Sensei! Sure you can draw that manga of your’s but can you draw THIS?”

- He might get killed or have his destiny rewritten by a certain stand user, but he knows it’s worth it when it comes to you. Have you seen your own art? It’s incredible !

- Most likely, he finds out by seeing you doodle in class and his jaw completely drops that your maths work sheet was instead covered in drawings of amazing bodies and plant life. If you insist that they’re nothing and “they’re just sketches,” he will personally shake you senseless and talk your ear off telling you that they are amazing. 

- Gifting him any kind of artistic media makes him overjoyed. Josuke shoves it in Okuyasu’s face, much to the delinquent’s dismay, and hugs you to death for the gift. “Aw babe, you really didn’t have to!”

- If you’re ever stressing over the quality of your work, he reminds you that you are amazing at what you do and that everyone has their own style, so that comparing yourself to others just wasn’t fair on you. 

- He plays a personal game where each day he tries to guess how much pen or paint you have your hand by the end of the day. Usually on weekends, it’s a lot more.

Giorno Giovanna 

- There’s a good chance that you met because of your work.

- You’re in a particularly beautiful Italian city, either sitting on a stool or ledge with a canvas or book in front of you, your hand working away at the landscape before you.

- While he was on a relaxing stroll, Giorno stopped behind you and peered over your shoulder, his breath taken away by how accurate your piece was to every exact detail.

- “Bellissimo...” He whispered, causing you to jolt a little and quickly turn around to look at him, a flushed or embarrassed look on your face. Oh, you’re cute.

- Right after he apologised for startling you and praises you for your work, which only flusters you more that such a handsome boy was complimenting you, you offered for him to sit next to you. Perhaps for you to even draw him?

- He doesn’t refuse.

- Once you’re dating, he takes you wherever you want whenever he can so you can draw the scenery, and shows you more gorgeous places to draw and even suggests what sort of people to draw. He also supports you doing something out of your comfort zone, for example if you typically liked to only sketch, he’d suggest for you to paint or use chalk in another style to see if it improves your skill as a whole.

- When he’s a don, he asks for you to paint or draw him so that he can hang it somewhere in an expensive frame to make his work place appear more serious and clear that he was the boss.

- If you do so, he thanks you a hundred times and buys you anything you want and as much as you want. Giorno also makes sure to repay you physically with a night out and kisses with a goodnight cuddle. 

- He might keep a small sketch of the two of you in his inside jacket pocket or draw so that every time he took it out during work, he’d be reminded of you and how you met, which motivated him to get the job done quick so he could go home to see you.

[dreamescapeswriting]

BTS Reaction || He Wasn’t Your Bias [Request]

Seokjin:

Jin was standing in the changing room, his top unbuttoned as he ranted on about how he was the best-looking member, half-joking and half meaning everything he was saying.

"Clearly I am the best because Y/n chose me as her bias." He yelled you looked up from your phone to see everyone staring at you, you looked at Jin and he nodded for you to admit it,

"You aren't my bias...Well, you are now, but you weren't." You admitted, getting up from the sofa and taking a strawberry for the tub that Taehyung was holding in his hands.

"Who was?" Jin questioned, the rant went from his mind and now all he cared about who was your favourite, you stared at him with a strawberry hanging out of your mouth.

"Why? It's not like it matters now, I'm in love with you." You giggled trying to get off the subject, but Jin wasn't going to drop it. He wanted to know who had captured your heart before he stole it from them.

"Yeah, yeah, yeah. I love you too but who was it?" You laughed at him and shook your head, you were going to have fun torturing him with this.

"Who was it?" Taehyung asked from beside you, you bent down and whispered who your bias was in his ear smirking and winking at him to keep it quiet.

"Looks like someone else was Mr Worldwide Handsome in the group!" He yelled getting up from the sofa and running to tell Jimin who your bias was.

"Tell me." Jin pouted as if he was the youngest, Jungkook stared at you and then smirked.

"ME?! It was me?!" You nodded and Jin stared at Jungkook, looking him up and down and then back to you.

"Him?!" He yelled staring back at Jungkook making everyone in the room burst into laughter, Jungkook came running over and wrapped his arm around your shoulder.

"Looks like you have some competition," You slipped out from under his arm and kissed Jin on the lips,

"No, he doesn't, he owns my heart now." You kissed him once more and Jin smirked, pulling away and ranting about being Mr Worldwide Handsome again.

Yoongi:

"Tae, I'm telling you, Yoongi wasn't my bias." You giggled as you sat in the living room of the dorms. You'd come round to wait for Yoongi and he was in his home studio working on something, Tae and you were having a long conversation about all the bands you listened to and he was trying to find out who your main bias was. Assuming it was Yoongi and teasing you about how you were living the fanfiction life,

"Then who?" You tapped your nose and he groaned, neither of you noticed that Yoongi had been standing in the doorway listening to you both. Now he was intrigued by who your bias was and why he wasn't your ultimate bias.

(X)

"So who is it?" He asked later that night when you were alone, you were snuggled up to him in bed watching a movie when he asked you, you frowned and looked up at him from his chest,

"Who's who?" You quizzed pausing the movie so you could talk to him properly, he'd been weird with you all night and now you were finding out why.

"You and Tae, you were talking about ultimate bias', who is it?" You remembered the conversation and started laughing softly at him but then you realised he was really bothered by the fact that he wasn't your bias,

"Okay, so..."

"Is it someone in BTS?" You shook your head and you noticed him relax a little more, he was glad that it wasn't someone he had to worry about you being around a lot and you looked at him.

"It's just a rapper from another band." You told him but he wasn't going to stop until he got a name, he questioned you more and more until you broke,

"Bang Chan from stray kids." You finally admitted and Yoongi stared down at the bed trying to remember who he was,

"The Australian one...The tall Australian one?" You nodded and he grumbled something, folding his arms over his chest.

"It's because he's tall isn't it?" He pouted,

"No, no, no baby, of course not." He relaxed a little and you laid your head on his shoulder.

"It's his accent." You joked running away from the bed so he couldn't grab you and locking yourself in the bathroom.

Hoseok:

This was probably a bad idea, you were all drunk sitting on the floor together. You'd been invited over to the dorms by Hoseok, your boyfriend as 3 months, you'd met all of the boys before. You enjoyed their company but getting drunk and playing Truth or dare with them when you'd only been dating Hoseok 3 months so you barely knew each other yet.

"Y/n! Truth or dare?!" Namjoon asked as the bottled landed on you, you looked at him with a smile.

"Truth." You took a drink from your bottle of beer, assuming it would be an easy question as all the others had been so far,

"Was Hoseok your original Bias?" Your eyes went wide as everyone stared at you and noticed your expression, ''Oh'ing'' as they noticed that you were scared to answer the question.

"Who was it?!" Yoongi asked, he'd previously not been bothered by the game but now he was interested in it. Each of them leaning forward, wanting to know your answer.

"Why?" You asked slowly,

"Because it's truth or dare, who is it?" Hoseok pressured and you giggled shyly, turning a bright red colour as all of them were staring at you in the room.

"It was Jimin, but only because I was a weakling who couldn't handle how amazing Hoseok was." You finished making everyone fake a gag, everyone except for Jimin and Hoseok, Hoseok who was smirking and kissing your cheek and Jimin who was looking rather smug about the fact that he was your original bias.

"Your everyone's first but no ones last." Hoseok joked making everyone else in the room laugh and move onto the next persons go.

Namjoon:

It was a regular thing to hang out with Namjoon since he was your boyfriend after all,

"What are you looking at?" You asked as you walked into your bedroom with two coffees for you and Namjoon. You'd been dating for six months now and it was the first time he was meeting your parents, you'd spent the morning with them and now you were showing your old room.

"Your old artwork." He said as he flipped through the A3  sketchbook that was in his hands, you sat down on the floor with him and handed him the cup of coffee.

"Oh damn, I forgot I had this." You laughed flipping the page over and looking at the drawings of fruit and other things that were around the classroom when you studied art. He turned the page again and was shocked at what he saw, lining the next four pages were hand drawings of Yoongi you bit on your lip as you saw them. You'd completely forgot that you'd used him as a model for your final exam piece,

"Oh, it's nothing." You laughed awkwardly trying to take the book away from him but he kept it in his hands and staring at the drawings of one of his best friends,

"How come I'm not in here?" He joked as he flipped through the pages and you shook your head, trying to leave but he sat you down on his lap.

"Did you like Yoongi before me?" He was laughing through the question but he was serious about it,

"Well, I mean- He was- I mean...He was my bias." You finally said after stumbling over your words, Namjoon started laughing as he stared down at the photos, you couldn't tell if he was upset by it,

"But I have drawings of you." You told him, kissing his cheek and rushing over to your bedroom drawer and searching for the small sketchbook you kept in there, pulling it out and skipping through it.

"See," You showed him the notebook, he took it from your hands and stared at the drawings of him all from different angles, some of him sleeping, smiling, rapping and working in the studio. He had no idea when you'd done these but he fell harder in love with you.

Jimin:

You were out to dinner with Jimin, your boyfriend, and all of the boys having fun talking about what they'd done at the studio and somehow you'd gotten onto the conversation about your bias.

"It's me obviously," Jimin laughed making each of the boys start laughing along with him but you were shaking your head,

"You weren't my bias." You laughed and all eyes were on you, Jimin stopped laughing and stared at you with his mouth hanging open.

"What?! Who was?!" He asked losing interest in the fact that the boys were all laughing along with you, you sipped on your wine and shook your head.

"Tell me." He begged, making you giggle some more as you put the wine glass back on the table, shaking your head at him and trying to go back to a normal conversation but there was no way they were going to drop this until you told him who it was.

"Was he in our group?" He questioned and you nodded, turning to look at Jungkook who then questioned you more,

"Rap line or vocal line?" You shook your head, knowing it would give it away too easily and you didn't want to get embarrassed in front of the boys. You and Jimin had been dating a year and you'd managed to avoid this the whole time you'd been together, you weren't going to ruin it in one night.

"Come on, just tell me." You groaned at him, he took your hand in yours.

"I will never bother you about it again." You stared at him, he had giant puppy eyes on and he was pouting his lip out.

"ItwasNamjoon." You mumbled into the glass of wine and he frowned,

"Who?" Jimin questioned not hearing you because you mumbled too quickly.

"Namjoon?!" Taehyung asked with a laugh, staring at you and then at Namjoon who was blushing.

"Really?" Jimin questioned and you nodded at him,

"Why?" Both him and Namjoon asked at the same time, you glanced between them both and laughed.

"I think it was because of how smart you are, I always loved smart guys." You explained but Jimin was still staring at you with his mouth open,

"Plus he is handsome." You said before you took another gulp of your wine, Jimin just sat back in his chair with his arms folded across his chest.

"But I love you baby." You whispered to him, kissing him on the cheek and then winking at Namjoon to get a laugh out of everyone else at the table.

Taehyung:

Taehyung was at the studio with Hoseok and Jimin, working on some new dances for the new album while you stayed home, you'd been feeling unwell and decided against going so Taehyung was sending you videos of the practising all morning. At the same time, your friend was texting you about the new Selca's that Hoseok, Jimin and Taehyung had posted that morning, resulting in you and her sending one another fangirling messages all morning.

"You look, great baby!" You sent to Tae before your best friend started spamming your phone with photos of the new Selca that Hoseok posted, it was him in the dance mirror, his shirt clinging to his body and sweat dripping down his body, it instantly sent you and your best friend into a fangirling frenzy and you began texting each other fast, not caring about spelling mistakes and you mistakingly not checking who you were sending the messages to.

"Hey Tae, you finished already?" You questioned when you answered the phone but you heard him and Hobi laughing down the other side of the phone,

"He's just so ajkhfiug aklhfiugh...Look at that love heart smile, I'm jealous that Tae is around him right now?" You felt your heart stop and you checked your messages, wanting to scream as you realised you'd been sending the fangirl messages to Taehyung instead of your best friend.

"Oh. My. God." You screamed, laying on the sofa and wanting it to swallow you, all you could hear was Hoseok and Taehyung laughing about it and you knew you were never going to live this down ever again, and it was all they were going to talk about for the next few months.

"You're not going to let this go are you?" You questioned receiving a ''No'' from both boys before the line went dead, leaving you in a state of shock. You screenshot the messages and sent them to your friend,

'If you need me, I'll be crying in my bed.'

Jungkook:

"Give me a hint at least," Jungkook said as he followed you around the apartment, he'd found out last week that he wasn't your bias and he'd been questioning you ever since. He wanted to know who it was and why it wasn't him,

"Why wasn't it me?" You shut the kitchen cupboard after putting the plates away and then turned to look at him, it was the first time all week that he seemed upset about this and you sighed. You couldn't stand upsetting him, you'd been together for a year now and it was the first time you'd discussed things like this,

"Because when I first started listening to you guys, you were a baby just like me...I liked older guys." You told him and he clapped his hands together, screaming that he knew who it was, jumping around the apartment trying to find his phone.

"It's not Jin!" You called out to him and you heard him yell out a swear word making you laugh as he came running back into the kitchen and questioning you some more,

"If I tell you, will you promise to drop it?" You questioned as you leant against the kitchen side and stared at him, he nodded and you rolled your eyes,

"Mark Tuan." You told him watching as he smirked at you turning to look for his phone again and you chased after him,

"What are you doing?" You questioned as he chuckled evilly, reaching his phone and hitting Namjoon's number,

"Do you still talk to Jackson?!" He yelled making you scream out as you chased him through the apartment, knowing for a fact he was going to tell everyone about who your bias was.

"Jeon Jungkook!" You yelled as he locked himself in the bathroom and leaving you banging on the door.

tagline: 

@kpopfanfictionhoes​ @lynnthevirgo​ @yourguessisasgoodasminemate​ @snowy-meowl​ @yoongisdumplingcheeks​ @btsiguess-kpop​ @lyoongx​ @mitzwinchester​ @callingmyangel​ @rjsmochii​

[angellbarnes]

Moonlight

summary: Steve can’t help but draw you whenever he can. You’re both oblivious to each other’s feelings but it’s funny how things can work out.

pairing: Steve Rogers x reader

words: 1.7k

warnings: some language but just a load of flufff

A/N: my first Steve x reader! I had this idea and thought it was cute? Let me know what you all think🤍

The chilled breeze of the evening pricks at your skin as you lean on the upstairs balcony of the compound. You admire the stars and the feeling of fresh air against your flushed face, after stepping out of another of Tony’s parties. As fun as they are, they could get a little much for you. 

So as you stared out into the evening, you didn’t take much notice to the others around you, stood or standing, on the balcony. Especially not one certain super soldier, who held a sketchbook and pencil, admiring you and capturing your beauty within its pages. He watched you as you got lost in your thoughts, with the wind rippling through your dress and the way your eyes held the glow of the moon.

He finished his sketch with the last stroke of your hair and looked over the drawing once more. He’d picked up quite the habit of drawing you when you weren’t looking, whether it was sitting in the common room or whilst training or even on the jet to and from missions. His favourite was the one he’d done the other evening, when you were sat on a stool in the kitchen, with a cup of hot chocolate in your hand as you read your favourite book. Your hair was in a messy up do and you were wearing an oversized jumper; he thought you looked adorable and he couldn’t help but capture that moment.

He quickly snaps his book shut as he notices you walking over to him.

“Hey, Steve, beautiful view, isn’t it?” You say and your soothing voice almost sent Steve into a complete daze. He swears he could just listen to your voice for hours.

“Oh, uh, yeah. It really is.” He rubs at the back of his neck whilst sporting a sheepish smile.

“Can I see?” You ask, gesturing down to his book.

“See my drawings?”

“Yeah, I mean, I’ve always wanted to look at them but I’ve just never got around to asking.”

“Oh, you don’t want to see these. They’re not even proper drawings, just little things here and there.” He replies anxiously. He doesn’t know what he’d do if you saw those drawings, whether you’d run straight in the other direction and never speak to him again, or actually appreciate it. He didn't want to take that chance, though. 

“Okay, well, you don’t have to show me if you don't want to. Maybe one day, though.” Your sweet tone almost makes Steve melt and when you place your hand on his shoulder before leaving, he knows he’s done for.

He’s been harbouring a crush from you for months, slowly falling more and more for you each passing day. Only Sam and Bucky know, though. At least, they’re the only people he’s told. What he doesn't know, though, is that you’d taken a liking to him the first day of joining the team. Since then, you’ve hidden your feelings quite well by not telling anyone and pretending your feelings don't exist. The only flaw in that plan is that the more you act like they aren't there, the more evident they become.

~~~

The next morning you make your way through the halls of the compound, heading to the kitchen for some food. As you turn a corner, you overhear Sam talking to Steve, before they’ve realised you’re there.

“Come on, man. You’ve got to tell her sooner or later. I’m telling you there’s no way she doesn’t feel the same. I’ve seen how she looks at you when she thinks no one’s paying attention. I’m willing to bet on it.”

There’s no way he could’ve been talking about you though, right?

“You should listen to the birdie over here, Steve. Tell her. Whoever she is is a lucky girl.” You comment as you stride in, showing as much confidence as you can muster. You grab a bowl from the cupboard and place it on the island the two are sat at, before taking a spoon from the drawer.

“How- uh, how much of that did you hear?” Steve asks timidly.

“Just the end. So... who is it?” You ask eagerly, though you can feel your heart unwillingly begin to race.

“Oh, you don’t need to worry. Just someone.” He adds a nervous laugh and you eye him and Sam dubiously.

“Cut the bullshit, Cap, just tell her who it is!” Sam nudges Steve and you lean forwards on the counter, wiggling your eyebrows and grinning. You pray for the answer you’re looking for, and it seems more and more possible as he looks at you, deep into your eyes. Your smile softens and he still hasn’t said a word.

“Come on Rogers,” you say as a final push, “just get it out in the open-”

“It’s Sharon.” His reply is blunt. Straight to the point. No hesitation. You abruptly stand back up straight and clear your throat, mentally cursing yourself for actually getting your hopes up.

“Oh.” Is all you can say, trying not to sound disappointed. It hurt, you can’t lie. You wanted him to say your name and he didn’t. Sharon. The word sounded like poison to your ears. “Well, she does seem very nice. On second thought, I’m going to go out for breakfast. I’ll see you two later.” You say as brightly as possible before rushing out of the room.

Steve lets out the breath he didn’t realise he was holding and turns to face his very unimpressed looking friend.

“Seriously?” Sam deadpans.

“I panicked.”

“Yeah, well, good job, Mr I like this girl but I just told her I like someone completely different-”

“Sam, don’t you think I realise what I did? I was the one who said it.” Steve replies, exasperated.

“Nuh uh, I’m not finished. And now she won’t know how I feel because I’m a dumbass and ruined my chance of finding out whether she likes me back.”

Steve replies with a groan, covering his face with his hand.

~~~

When you return from your breakfast out, you head straight to your room. You’d had some time to think about everything that had happened. You concluded that it made sense for Steve to like Sharon over you, seeing as they’ve spent more time together and knew each other way before you did. It was stupid to think Steve could possibly feel the way you do about him because-

“Shit, sorry!” A male voice rings out. You were too in your head to notice the tall blonde walking in your opposite direction.

“Oh my god, Steve, I wasn’t paying attention, I’m so sorry!” You stumble over your words slightly and you look up to Steve, with an amused grin on his face.

“Me too, I should’ve been looking where I was going.”

“No, I had my head in the clouds as usual.” You avert your eyes from him, sheepishly looking to the ground when you notice his sketchbook that he must’ve dropped. You bend down to pick it up for him, noticing it had opened up when it fell.

“Oh, here’s your...” Your voice trails off as your eyes scan over the led covered pages. It’s beautiful you think, letting your gaze wander over every hard and soft line that marks it. 

“I’m so sorry, you weren’t meant to see those. It’s just- it’s-”

“Me.” You finish, breathlessly. You finally tear yourself away from the artwork and back to him. You smile, confused, as you hand it back to him. You would think that he’s suddenly lost the ability to speak as his mouth hangs open, looking for anything he could say to explain himself.

“They’re gorgeous.” You admit, and his adams apple bobs as his mouth closes. “I mean, it’s strange to say, seeing as they’re drawings of me but, Steve, you’re so talented.” You continue, flashing a reassuring smile and giggling slightly.

“You- you like them? You don’t think it’s creepy? Strange?” He asks quietly, fiddling with the corner of the leather binding.

“No, I think it’s sweet.” You reassure and you can see him visibly relax, releasing the tension in his shoulders and letting out a laugh of relief. You take your hand and place it over his. His eyes meet yours briefly but they quickly fall back to where your hand lies atop his.

“Maybe I could see the rest? In your room?” You pose.

“Sure, yeah.” He smiles brighter and leads you to his room silently.

When you hear the clicking of the door behind you, you spin around to say something, though your words disappear into the feeling of another mouth on yours. His lips are soft, delicate, held back, even. It’s short but sweet when he pulls away but his face is still close enough to yours that you can feel his breath fan over yours.

“I’m sorry. It’s just... I’ve been wanting to do that for a long time.” He admits.

“Me too.” You whisper, biting your lip, and he takes that as a signal to lean down again. This time the kiss is deeper and you sigh into it. He pulls you right into his body and you let him snake his tongue into your mouth. Breathlessly, you both pull away, letting the moment linger in the air a little longer.

“I don’t like Sharon, I never did. I said it because I panicked and didn’t think you felt the same way. I’m an idiot.” Steve lets out, gazing intently at you.

“Yeah, you are,” you giggle, “but we’re here now. That doesn’t matter anymore.” You smile at him and he mirrors it.

Slowly, you draw the notebook from his hand and take a seat on his bed, letting him come over in his own time. You flick through more of it, commenting on how amazing they are each time you turn a page, earning a shy ‘thank you’ each time. You reach the last drawing; you on the balcony last night and let out a small gasp.

“Steve, it’s wonderful. This is what you were drawing when I came over to you? This is why you wouldn’t show me?” You marvel over the way the pencil strokes looked so effortlessly placed on the paper, then reading where he’d written ‘Moonlight’ underneath. Each sketch had a word or a few to go along with it, something to do with the moment he had drawn them.

“Yeah, I didn’t want to show you in case you would run away or something and never want to speak to me again.” You place the sketchbook down, cupping his face in both of your hands.

“I will never run away from you, only towards.”