#my first try do write a meta lmao I am so nervous

[norringtondeservestheworld]

Connor RK800 and Jaime Lannister: different characters with the same arc, but one work while the other don’t

It’s honestly driving me insane how similar and identical are the arcs of Connor RK800 from Detroit: Become Human and Jaime Lannister from Game of Thrones so yeah, now I’m gonna do an entire post (or meta?) about it. It’s gonna be long.

A little background for people who know only one of these fandoms.

Detroit: Become Human is about a future where robots are slaves of humans who abuse and torture them, so they started to “wake up” rebelling and developing free will and emotions like living beings. So the society who sell them create Connor, a very advanced robot designed to stop them.

Game of Thrones is an epic fantasy story set in a fictional world about different powerful families that fight with each other with wars and machinations to destroy each other and gain more power and the throne. Jaime Lannister is a member of one of these families.

These are two very different stories, but so are Connor and Jaime. They have opposite characters, goals and priorities: Jaime always put romantic love above anything else, while Connor doesn’t give a fuck about romance. Jaime is good in communicating with others: he knows how to talk to certain people, can read a room (at least sometimes) and he understands when is being mocked, while Connor is socially awkward and doesn’t really understand when someone is mocking him or someone is sarcastic.

And yet.. they both:

1) have the same beggining

2) are grey characters

3) have an obsession to overcome which is needed for them to develop as character (and if they fail to it, they both gets the involution and the “negative” arc)

4) have the same evolution (or involution, it depends of which arc we are talking about) and the same ending

1) The same beggining

Both these characters start with a child falling from a considerable height, but while one is causing the downfall of the child, the other is trying to save the kid.

The fact that Jaime is trying to kill the boy while Connor is trying to save the girl doesn’t mean that Jaime is the villain and Connor is the hero. It’s more complex than that. 

Jaime is trying to kill Bran because the boy just saw him having sex with his twin and if he says to anyone what he saw Jaime and his sister would have died. He did it to protect their lives. It wasn’t really about Bran. It was about him and Cersei.

On the other hand, Connor is trying to save Emma not because he cares for her or wants her to be safe, but because it’s his mission. He is a police android who knew really well, even before his arrival on the scene, that his mission was saving the child at all costs. If his mission was killing Emma he would have done it. It wasn’t really about Emma. It was about the mission.

2) are grey characters

Being in both fandoms, I noticed that Connor is way more popular than Jaime in terms of liking a character, while Jaime is more known as a character than Connor because Game of Thrones is more famous than Detroit: Become Human. Jaime is really loved by a part of the got fandom, but the other part look at him as selfish and evil because of everything he did, while Connor is loved by 98% of the dbh fandom, but in truth Connor’s actions aren’t better than Jaime’s actions. I think this happens because:

a) Jaime’s actions are motivated by his incestual and toxic relationship with his sister, so I think some people tend to dislike him more not for the actual actions but because of their disgust about the incest part

b) Connor being socially awkward. There is this tendency to see characters who are socially awkward being always sweet and cinnamon rolls because they aren’t good at communicating with others

In the first case, Jaime’s actions aren’t worse than Connor’s, are only more disgusting which is different and for the second option, Connor isn’t socially awkward because he can’t hurt a fly. He can and he will. He is socially awkward because he is an android created to be a police officer, so they gave him good combat skills and the intelligence he needed to deal with deviants (that’s how are called the robots who developed free will and “woke up”). I assure you, he isn’t awkward when he has to deal with them. Connor was created to do this. He isn’t an android created to make friends, so why bother to give him social skills?

Let’s make a recap:

What Jaime did:

a) tried to kill Bran to protect his relationship with Cersei. But did Bran die? No.

b) threatened Edmure and his kids to return to Cersei? Okay, but did Edmure die? Again, no.

c) fucked Cersei next to their son’s corpse who just died. Disgustingly disgusting. But again, someone got hurt? Someone died?

d) killed his cousin to return to Cersei. Okay. Fair. One person died.

Let’s talk about Connor now. He:

a) Manipulated and lied to deviants to accomplish his mission 

b) can kill Daniel, the Tracis, Ortiz’s android, Rupert, Cloe, Simon, Markus, North and a lot of other androids (and humans too) to accomplish his mission

c) can kill Hank, which is the closest person he has in his life, to accomplish his mission

Connor is not a baby. He is a fucking terminator who can destroy anything that it moves to accomplish his mission. Yes, Detroit: Become Human is a game where the actions of the characters are decided by the gamer, so he can do these things or don’t, but if you decide to make him do these things you never got the feeling he’s out of character. Because he is not.

Yes Jaime is what he is and did the things we know, but Connor too did some messed up things. And I’m pretty sure he killed more and caused more pain than Jaime.

At the end of the game, when he has to locate Jericho to stop the leader of the revolution of the deviants, he is able to remove the head of one android he killed to use it against an another android (killed by Connor too) to get the location of Jericho and after that he drops the head as it was nothing.

But at the end of the day, it doesn’t really matter who is worse between Jaime and Connor. What I am trying to say it’s that they are both grey characters. They both started as negative characters. Yes, Connor too. Because even if you choose every possible good and positive choice with Connor, he is still a negative character at the beginning. He is a very advanced robot at humans side (humans that are clearly the villains since they are the ones abusing and torturing robots) which priority is hunting androids who just want to be free. It doesn’t really matter if he isn’t the one to kill them, because he knows really well that if he succeeds (and he wants to succeed) they get killed. 

That’s why both Connor and Jaime have two paths in front of them. And what path they’ll take it depends by the next point.

3) have an obsession to overcome which is needed for them to develop as a character

Both Jaime and Connor, despite starting as negative characters, have the potential to have a redemption arc, but this is up to them and to get it they have an obstacle to overcome: their obsession.

For Jaime the obsession for Cersei, for Connor the obsession for his mission. 

This obsession is what motivated their story and all their actions. It’s there from the beggining. From the moment they tried to kill/save the child. Jaime did it for Cersei. Connor did it for his mission. Every “negative” thing they did was because of that. In the last point, where I made a list of the bad things they did, you can notice all these actions were motivated by that.

To both of them happened things during the story that could or couldn’t change them: Jaime had it with Brienne, a noble and honorable warrior who reminded him who he wanted to be and for the first time in his life he developed a romantic attraction toward someone who wasn’t his sister, and Connor had it with Hank, the human police officer he worked with who had a way more “human” approach to what they were investigating.

For both of them is really hard to overcome it because it’s all they know for most of their life (in case of Jaime) or are programmed to do it (in case of Connor) and it isn’t only something they had in their heads. Both of them got manipulated by people (Cersei for Jaime, Amanda for Connor) who did the best they could to convince them there wasn’t anything else to make sure they remained in this cage for their own interests.

To prevent them from becoming their own person and being free to be who they want to be, and not what they want them to be.

This it’s the Jaime and Connor arc. Becoming their own person. Choosing for themselves. Be free from the manipulations. And the two arcs they have in front of them are just one in which they succeed, and one in which they fail.

4) have the same evolution (or involution, it depends of which arc we are talking about) and the same ending

Both Connor and Jaime have the potential for a redemption arc because even after all those bad things they did because of their obsession, they did good things too. They aren’t monsters.

Jaime saved Brienne risking his life and saved her from being raped. He also saved milions of lives by murdering the king, even if that meant getting the nickname of Kingslayer.

Connor can save Hank. Can choose to not kill the Tracis. Can choose to not kill Cloe. Can help Markus to save North. 

They mostly did all these things when they were away from the toxic person who brings the worst of them (Amanda and Cersei) but near someone who bring the best of them (Hank, Tyrion and Brienne).

And the best part is that all these good actions they did went against their priority: for Connor saving Hank means letting the deviant go, when catching him was his mission. Jaime returning to Harrenhal to save Brienne means delay his coming back to Cersei, when Cersei is the most important thing to him. 

Despite both having all their life surrounded by this “obsession”, sometimes they decided to do the right thing even if that meant going against what mattered to them the most and their own interests.

This didn’t mean that they weren’t obsessed anymore, it means that for a moment, their desire to be their own person was stronger than their obsession.

But it was just a moment.

Connor and Jaime, for most of the story, are in a “limbo” where they pass from doing bad things because of their obsession (most of the times) to doing good things because they want to (few times). During this part of their story, it doesn’t mean that if they do a bad thing they’ll go to the negative arc and it doesn’t mean that if they do a good thing they’ll go to the positive arc, because none of these decisions are the definitive one.

It’s the decision they will take in their climax scene is the one that determines their future, their arc and their ending.

a) They decide to do the right thing which go against their obsession in their climax scene because they matured as characters for the better -> Their strenght and everything and everyone they faced was enough to overcome their obsession -> they become their own person letting go forever the obsession -> Positive Arc

Jaime: Book!Jaime is currently having this arc in the books, where is pretty done with Cersei and doesn’t even think of returning to her knowing really well she needs him. And this is also the arc Show!Jaime was supposed to have in the series.

Connor: Deviant Connor is the arc Connor will have if he overcome his obsession. He will become a deviant (meaning he outpassed his programation and became his own person) and will join the revolution of the androids, the very same revoution that he was created to stop (and he was obsessed to stop it, since it was his mission). He will infiltrate in the society that creates androids freeing all the robots who are there (and they are a lot) and helps the cause. In the end, he will help robots getting rights as living beings and he will be free to be himself with a person who actually care for him (Hank) with their relationship being stronger.

b) They decide to do the same bad things they did at the beginning being once again slaves of their obsession -> everything and everyone they faced didn’t change them showing that they didn’t matured and didn’t learn anything -> nothing will never be as important as their obsession -> Negative Arc

Jaime: Show!Jaime got this (or at least D&D thought he got this). He received an opportunity to have a better and new life, a life with Brienne who loved him and in doing so he was able to be himself, but he ruined it to return to his obsession who almost got him killed few days before because he wasn’t able to overcome it. So he returned to his obsession (Cersei) and dies.

Connor: Machine Connor is the arc Connor will have if he fails to overcome his obsession. He too received an opportunity to do the right thing, to help his people and be free, but he ruined it to continue his mission. So he will kill everyone who stands in his way (Hank too, who was the closest person of his life) to murder the leader of the deviants. If he fails, he dies. If he succeed and he is able to kill him, all the deviants will be destroyed (meaning there will be a genocide of his own people) and androids will return to be slaves for humans for ever. And Connor will die, because he accomplished his mission so he isn’t needed anymore. Connor is intended to die either way if he goes to this path.

Both Jaime and Connor, if they have a failed redemption arc, return to their old manners and how they were at the beginning, and both died. So..

Why an arc work and the other don’t?

Why an arc is appreciated and considered a sad but good storyline and plausible with no characters being ruined while the other is hated by everyone with all the characters who are involved being ruined and OOC?

For multiple reasons actually.

1) the climax scene

The scene where the character finally take a definitive decision and his path is chosen can’t be a random scene because it’s not a random scene. It’s the scene where the destiny of the character is chosen, so it has to:

- be important and people who are watching it (or reading it if it’s a book) must know it and feel it that something big is coming 

- every factor (the music, the acting, the dialogue etc) must be cured for that scene 

The climax scene they chose and wrote for Connor work perfectly because has all these requirements:

a) Connor and Markus are two of the main characters of the story but never actually met each other before this scene, so from the moment you realize they are in the same room and they actually met you know something big is gonna happen. Moreover, we know Connor is there to kill the leader of the deviants, which is Markus, so you also feel tense because you are gonna see two characters you got attached to being an enemy to each other because they are at opposite sides so again, something’s gonna happen.

b) The music is fitting for the scene, the acting of Bryan Dechart (Connor’s actor) is good as he entered sure of himself but the more Markus talked the more Connor realized he was right so he becomes less secure until he is full of doubts and all the dialogue is about him having to make a choice about who he wants to be. And as if that weren't enough, Markus ends it with “I think the time has come to you for ask yourself that question” and “it’s time to decide” making perfectly clear that this choice is gonna be definitive, and he is saying it not only to Connor but to us too.

Now let’s see the Jaime one.

a) It’s important? I have absolutely no idea. It doesn’t look or feel important. 

b) the music is fitting? There was music? I honestly don’t remember. I can’t notice the music because I’m busy to try to understand what the fuck is going on. The dialogue is fitting? What dialogue? All Jaime is saying here is a list of the bad things he did because of Cersei (including lies since some things he says didn’t happen that way just to confuse who is watching even more) and “She is hateful and so am I” like?? What does it mean? This is not a dialogue. This is putting random words together to do a sentence. The acting is fitting? Lmao of course not! Waldau’s acting is really confusing??? Why he looks sad? Why all he is saying is that he is a bad person and not a word about  who he wants to be? This isn’t a grey character who decided is path, this is someone who feels guilty for something he did in the past and wants to be reassured and or he feels like he deserves pain and death because of it. Well if this is the case, than this is a totally different topic that has nothing to do with choosing between overcome an obsession or succumb to it. Fuck, it’s been 4 years since this scene, and I still don’t understand what the fuck is going on and what they wanted to show. What the fuck I am watching?? Can someone explains it to me?? Hello???

This doesn’t look like a climax scene. And it doesn’t look like a climax scene because IT’S NOT.

Because Jaime had already his climax scene.

a) it’s important? Well yes. The time tells us it is. This is a series and this scene is happening at the end of a season so people expect it to be important.

b) The music is fitting? Very. You could feel it in your bones. The dialogue is fitting? Yes. They don’t talk directly about Jaime and him having to take a decision, but it’s related to that because we see Jaime and Cersei arguing about something and Jaime realizing he had enough (just like Connor in his climax scene is realizing who he truly is) and he decides right here not because he has to but because he is 100% sure of what he wants and decides with zero regrets.

This climax scene was setting Jaime on the positive arc, because he overcomed his obsession. His obsession is Cersei and the sexual relationship he has with her, but here he decides to leave her, and ending the conversation saying “I don’t believe you” and by the acting, the voice and the movements of Waldau, which is excellent, we know he meant “I don’t love you anymore”.

All of this is even more accentuated by this scene that happens soon after that:

Cersei and the relationship with her being the obsession of Jaime means that if he kisses, sleeps and starts a romantic relationship with a different woman (which he did) after he spent the 40+ years of his life always being loyal to Cersei is the ultimate, irrefutable prove that he got over it. It doesn’t matter how much he loves Brienne, if he still obsesses over Cersei it couldn’t never happened. Never. You can’t make him overcome an obsession and then return to that obsession in a minute. This is not how writing works.

But since Benioff and Weiss don’t know how to do their jobs, after these two scenes (the climax one and the second which accentuated the path Jaime is in) they put the scene they think it’s the climax scene, when it’s just a scene that doesn’t work narratively after the two I just mentioned. Which add another problem:

the decision the character takes in the climax scene is definitive and irreversible. You can’t just put a climax scene where the character decides and then one second later make him change his mind all of sudden. Him passing from a good action to a bad one was supposed to happen before the climax scene, when the character was still grey and still couldn’t decide and the reason both Connor and Jaime decide without doubts and regrets in their climax scene is because they both have no doubts and regrets anymore. 

In Detroit: Become Human, every action Connor did and every word he says after that scene is convinced, there is not even a shadow of a doubt, no matter which arc is in. Despite the game giving you the choices of what to do or say, you’ll never get a choice of Connor helping the deviants if he is Machine Connor, and you’ll never get a choice of Connor helping the humans if the is Deviant Connor. Because it’s irreversible. There is no going back.

So what we got was a mess and both arcs of Jaime being ruined even before they started.

2) OOC

Both Connor and Jaime being grey characters for most of the story means that is possible to write them a good written arc where they remain in character all the time without putting forced things and making them say and do something they wouldn’t, no matter if they are in a positive or negative arc.

Connor remains himself and in character for the entirely of his arc (no matter which arc is). If he is Machine Connor so he has the negative arc, his character doesn’t get reduced to a caricature and he doesn’t lose his intelligence or badass moments, and he still says and does things that Connor would have totally said or done. 

The fact that now is Machine Connor doesn’t mean he is a sociopath who doesn’t care of anything else, it does only mean that everything always comes after his obsession (the mission) because that obsession is and will always be until his death is priority, everything else is after that. That’s part of the reason his character isn’t ruined. He still cares for Hank for example, and when he dies, he looks troubled and in one case he is the one to kill him, and he does it because Hank gets in the way of his mission, which matters more, so he did it, even if he still cared about him. 

He also doesn’t become stupid all of sudden because he is intended to die. Machine Connor is smart enough to know that the best way to kill Markus is finding a sniper rifle and the right roof and he is smart enough to know that if he gets interrupted the only way for him to accomplish his mission is killing who interrupted him or killing himself after saving his memory so the next Connor will know what to do. He also doesn’t have to move to the other side of the country in two seconds with the story being set in the same city, so he is where is supposed to be without resorting to absurd and improbable teleporters. Machine Connor gets emotional and poetic scenes without getting ruined to force them.

Jaime, from the moment he left Brienne to return to Cersei (so from the moment the writers think his arc begins) becomes a totally different person. He starts to say and do things that contradict his character, the writers were able to destroy years spent to create this character and who he is with a single sentence. Everything that was important to him apart from Cersei disappears, and the things that made him an interesting character like killing the king to protect the innocents have zero value now, because “actually I never cared for them, innocents or otherwise”. Cersei isn’t his priority. Cersei is the only thing he cares about, because the writers deleted every single other part of him and at the end, he isn’t even a character anymore.

He doesn’t only lose all his intelligence, but simple common sense too, all to force scenes that could have happened in a smarter way, like him having to get unnoticed to get to Cersei and yet he shows his golden hand which is the only one to have in all Westeros, just to get caught and have the scene with Tyrion. And of course, he is able to arrive to the other part of the country even before characters who left before him in a blink of an eye because the writers decided so and fuck logic. 

3) Realistic reactions to the characters around them

Both Show!Jaime and Machine Connor have, just before the end and their death, a scene with a character they care about and who cares for them: Tyrion for Jaime and Hank for Connor. In both cases, the way they write the main character it expands to the other character too, meaning that since Jaime is OOC, Tyrion becomes OOC too to force the scene the writers wanted for them, while in the other case since Connor is in character, Hank is in character too, and it’s the scene that is written in a way to be plausible because of these characters, and not the opposite. 

Jaime got caught in his way to return to Cersei and he meets Tyrion. The last time they talked Jaime was still in a relationship with Brienne (which lasted weeks, let’s remember that) and Tyrion expressed how happy he was that Jaime was happy with Brienne because he cares for Jaime wants him to be happy while now is in front of a tormented Jaime who left Brienne, the same woman that was making Jaime happy, to return to the one that abused and tried to kill BOTH OF THEM, and he decides to.. help him to return to Cersei so he will return to be miserable and probably die (and he will)? 

The writers were so desperate to make a scene of them hugging to make watchers cry sad tears that forgot in which situation these characters are, with who they are and what we know about them and what type of relationship they have with each other and with Cersei. It would never ended with hugging. Why Tyrion should help the brother he loves to leave what made him happy and return to the one who hurted both for all their lives? Once again the characters are ruined by forcing a specific scene, a scene that because of it meant nothing to me. Yes, Jaime and Tyrion had a beautiful relationship and a great bond and I love the scenes where they show how close they are. But these aren’t Jaime and Tyrion anymore. So I feel nothing (and nope, I’m not going to create gifs of that idiotic scene from that cursed episode, if you wanna see it just go to Youtube).

Connor and Hank have a very strong relationship too, but they remain in character. Hank wanted Connor being himself and freeing himself from his obsession (just like Tyrion wanted Jaime to be happy, with Brienne) but on the contrary of Tyrion, Hank didn’t forget who he was because it was “convenient” so he has the realistic reaction he was supposed to have, and because of that this time there aren’t gonna be hugs and sweet words, but a fight.

With “fight” I don’t mean they’ll gonna scream and push each other, with “fight” I mean a real fight, that will end only with one of them killing the other. 

Machine Connor is gonna follow his mission and killing everyone who stand in his way (in this case, unfortunately it’s Hank) even if he cares for Hank and Hank is not gonna let Connor kill the leader of the androids because it’s not right and by now he knows that the only way to stop him is to kill him and he will, even if he cares for Connor. And they both know it.

And that is what makes the scene powerful and way more emotional than a fake hug between two fake characters who became the shadows of themselves. It’s real, it’s tragically beautiful and sad, poetic in a way (a robot fighting for humans and a human fighting for the robots) but it works.

Of course having Jaime and Tyrion fighting to death wouldn’t make sense. Connor and Hank are doing it because they had a different relationship from them. They knew each other for less time and even if they care for each other, they had a rocky start so them having this interaction is fitting to them. Jaime and Tyrion are siblings who cared for each other since ever, so their clash couldn’t be that violent, but they had to have a clash. Tyrion being disappointed in Jaime and refusing to free him was enough. But we all know what we got, right?

In conclusion, I’d like to say that I made this meta first to analyze Jaime and Connor as characters because I find really interesting they had so much in common and also because I’m fucking tired of people saying that “Jaime’s arc was perfect you simply didn’t get the happy ending you wanted for him” because Machine Connor arc is the prove that is possible to write a failed redemption arc which is satisfying and appreciated, and Detroit: Become Human is written by David Cage which isn’t the best screenwriter in the world, but he is in the Olympus compared to the writing of D&D.

Machine Connor and Show!Jaime have exactly the same arc (and the same ending), the only difference is that one is written well and the other isn’t, and it’s really crazy thinking of how the writing of a fucking videogame which isn’t even that famous is better than the finale of one of the most famous series in the world.

[villain-sympathizer]

If I may request a sort of prequel to Impromptu Interrogation; while ReDestro is getting strong armed by the LOV, reader is getting just as hard a time from Trumpet, Geten, and Skeptic in the room over?

oh my god this is honestly hilarious, absolutely i will write that!!

────── ･ ｡ﾟ: *.☽ .* : ｡ﾟ･ ──────

[Part one]

Re-Destro x Reader; but sans Re-Destro in this part LMAO; MLA being a big wacky family

[Content warnings: Mentions of spying/privacy invasion, curtesy of Skeptic; Geten being a lil mean, but what else is new]

Word count: 937

[[Note: I write all my xReaders in third person and non-descript, so that others can insert either themselves or their OCs if they want!]]

────── ･ ｡ﾟ: *.☽ .* : ｡ﾟ･ ──────

»»—— Impromptu Interrogation Pt. 2 ——««

Nervous, shaking hands continuously fiddle with the various edges and buttons of their outfit, a clear sign of [Name]'s anxiety of the upcoming dinner with the CEO of Detnerat himself. They sit on a couch of the drawing room, accompanied by the other original members of the Meta Liberation Army. Chitose sat next to them, a blue hand resting gently on their shoulder, while the rest of the group is spread out around the room.

Koku stood next to one of the large windows, glass of whiskey in hand, gazing out of the pristinely clean glass like a brooding Victorian wife. Tomoyasu was hunched over his laptop, rapidly typing away on the couch opposite of them, and providing the only sound in the room besides the clinking of ice in Koku's glass. From one of the further corners of the room, Geten sat on a cushioned chair fiddling with a knick knack from one of the decor shelves.

"I assure you, dear, that it'll be totally fine," Chitose's sweet voice broke the semi-silence of the room, bringing [Name] out of their stupor. "Rikiya is such an forgiving man, even if things go bad, he'll understand."

A scoff comes from Tomoyasu, drawing the attention of the two in front of him. "Right, understanding. We'll go with that," he grumbles, not once pausing in his typing.

Chitose responds with a huff. "Y'know, you don't have to be here, right? None of you do, in fact," the purple-haired woman purses her lips in annoyance, eyes squinting at her coworkers.

"And miss the chance to see off [Name] to dinner with the boss?" Koku replies with a grin, pushing off from his spot leaning next to the window to make his way closer to the group. "It's like getting to see your own kid off on their first date! I've always wanted that feeling," he takes a seat in one of the armchairs near the couches, taking a sip from his glass.

Though none of them could see it, they absolutely felt Geten roll his eyes at the older man.

Koku continued with his little monologue once he swallowed the alcohol. "Besides, we all know Tomo's only here cause he's worried about the boss, since he's such as kiss-ass to Re-Destro."

"I am not worried, you asshat," Tomoyasu hisses back at him, finally pausing in his work to glare at the other through his long bangs.

Chitose snorts at Koku's small response of 'So you admit you're a kiss-ass?', breaking the tension between the two by speaking up. "Oh? Not worried at all?" A smile graces her lips as she reaches over and plucks a tiny, black device from within [Name]'s clothes. "Is that why you bugged them with this?" Her smile only grows when she sees the long-haired man grind his teeth from behind his lips, trying desperately to come up with an excuse. When her colleague failed to provide a response, Chitose gave a triumphant huff as she flicks the device back at Tomoyasu. "Weirdo."

"Maybe Re-Destro asked him to," calls a voice from the other end of the room, reminding everyone of Geten's presence. "This 'date' could just be for information, after all."

"Nonsense!" Both Chitose and Koku exclaim in unison, nearly jumping out of their seats in objection, startling both Tomoyasu and [Name].

Geten merely rolls his eyes, yet again, his hood down for once so that everyone could see his indifference to the situation. With arms crossed, he leans back in his seat, opting to observe the group again.

Tomoyasu grunts out a response, before slamming his laptop closed. "The boy has a point, you know."

"Oh shut up," Chitose is quick to snap back. "You just want an excuse for your weird spying habit," she responds, turning herself to once again address the main person in the topic, [Name]. "Now, don't listen to them. I assure you that this is indeed a real, genuine date," the blue woman replaces her hand on the other's shoulder, giving it a light squeeze. "Hell, Rikiya even came to me and Koku for dating advice more times than we can count! He looked just as nervous as a lovesick school boy."

[Name], once they recovered from the sheer absurdity of the events that just occurred, took a deep breath and offered a grateful smile to the woman next to them. "Thank you, Chi, you've been a big help," they say just before Chitose pulls them into a sudden hug, squealing as she tugs them up off the couch.

"Of course! Now go, it's almost time, and it's a little bit of a walk to the room he's in," she explains, carefully nudging them towards the door.

Koku sets his drink down on the coffee table between the couches, making his way over to the duo. "Would you like me to walk with you there? It'll likely be easier on your nerves to have someone to chat with."

[Name] shakes their head, shooting the man a kind smile as they open the door. "No thanks, but I appreciate the offer. I'll probably be lost in my own thoughts, anyway," they reply. "Thank you guys, also. Or... well, just you and Chi, really," they give a lighthearted chuckle and a wave to the group, before finally disappearing through the doors.

Chitose waits for the doors to close completely before whirling around to face Tomoyasu and Geten. "What is wrong with you two?" There's a silent pause in the room, no one daring to speak, until Geten decides to pipe in with:

"Do you want the long or short answer to that?"

[uwusillygirl]

🌟 for directors cut!

i am going to be wild and crazy and pick bedroom eyes for this one because i recently reread it (and dare i say i ate... just a little...)

i tend to write fanfiction for art that i think could've been so good but ultimately failed in its execution (which i have mentioned i felt about stranger things before; in my real girl job i have actually written essays about this lmao), and i just wanted to like ti west's x so badly and so couldn't. same with pearl.

so the idea sort of came from that and from wanting to write something tangentially in the horror genre, but what i loved so much about bedroom eyes was it gave me a place outside of my more consistent series (which was first one's free at this point) to try technical and structural things i was worried about -- mainly POV shifts outside of eddie and chrissy, but particularly with steve harrington, who i have a huge affection for but always hesitate to write about/from his pov (or did up until bedroom eyes! now he's everywhere!)

i have really written so much in the past year that is porn where the plot is making porn, mostly because i think i'm fascinated by pornography as a concept and always have been, but also because fanfiction is such a rich well of pornography and erotica history and culture, and it feels really satisfying for me to write about the world of visual pornography and make it literary/readable? i just sort of like the meta mechanizations there.

and i just remember being so excited to post this one. i remember i posted it on my phone on a road trip in october, and i thought it just was so fun to do a "spooky" fic around halloween (especially one without a happy ending! i love a fic that ends unhappy! it's so literary to me in the world of fix-it fluff -- which i also love, absolutely no shade). i also remember being really nervous about how people would react to steve fucking robin, even in a totally work-based environment, but people were so cool about it, i didn't have to do any sex work 101 in the replies.

i just really like this fic and like what i did with it, and love that i got no urge to continue it. it felt like it's own little world.

thank you so much for asking! i'd love to answer any more from this ask prompt.

[makeste]

BnHA Chapter 266: Sad Naruto Flute Music

Previously on BnHA: Tamaki ate a horse; Dark Shadow punched Re-Destro through a wall; Gigantomachia didn’t want to wake up from his nap; Tokoyami climbed inside of Fatgum’s stomach like a little emo joey and mused about Hawks; Hawks was all “am I evil or no? history shall decide!” and sort of kind of maybe tried to kill Twice; and then Dabi showed up and set the two of them on fire before you could say “stop, drop, and roll.” All of this was a real chapter that really happened. Anyway but then Hawks saved Twice by pulling him out of the fire, which I totally didn’t notice during my first readthrough last week, so that’s nice. But then Dabi stepped on Hawks’s face and used his quirk again. So that was not so nice. We’re really having ourselves an arc, here.

Today on BnHA: Well you know the old saying. Save a man from burning and you feed him for a day, stab him while he’s running away and you feed him for life. Oh, the chapter? Right. Well Hawks is perfectly fine aside from getting a sexy scar for his troubles, which I’ll have you know I did predict. Twice however is not so fine, which, fun fact, I did not predict. If you’re just joining us. Yeah. I boofed it. Anyway so Hawks escapes Dabi using the power of mysterious main character logic, and then he stabs Twice, and Twice dies, very slowly and sadly and in Toga’s arms. That’s it that’s the chapter. You’ll love it. It’s full of feels. And death. Lol I’m in a mood right now I’m sorry guys. I’m gonna go write some healing Bakugou essays.

so as mentioned on the “previously” section above, Hawks saved Twice’s life! meanwhile Dabi apparently arrived in time to listen to Hawks’s “here I go... time to kill you... really gonna do it... here it comes...” speech for at least several seconds before he finally decided to make his grand entrance, as evidenced by him quoting Hawks’s “sentiment” line right back in his face before setting him on fire. so basically Hawks is still okay and villains gonna villain. this is my conclusion and 4 out of 5 dentists approve but you can form your own judgements as well and that’s fine!

(ETA: this is all your fault fifth dentist.)

anyway so before we begin, full disclosure, I was warned this chapter would make me cry. so that ominous pronouncement is gonna be weighing on my mind while we embark upon our weekly manga journey today, but alas such is life! at least life in March 2020. did we really expect any good news at this point. I want a refund on this whole year but apparently I should get in line

so here we go. someone is narrating and it’s not quite clear who

but the “you’ve just been unlucky” part is a reference to what Hawks was telling Twice in chapter 264, so unless Dabi was listening in on that part too, I would think this would have to be Twice? even though Dabi’s the one whose face is so prominent here, all handsome and crazy

omg Hawks is holding on to his feather and using his tk to blast away while holding Twice

what a fucking thing to do. is the fucking feather still on fire. and somehow he hasn’t instinctively let go of it?? THIS BOY I SWEAR TO GOD

and so he’s definitely going to have a scar there now it looks like! pretty sure this makes him an honorary Todoroki. aww

and also Twice seems to possibly be unconscious, so I guess that was Dabi’s narration?? you mean to tell me Dabi was basically sitting outside for like a full five minutes. were you fixing your hair. getting ready to livestream?? “hey there villain nation it’s me ya boi, so I’m here in the Hilton Gunga Heights and omg like a shitton of heroes have attacked us out of fucking nowhere, and now the number two hero is getting ready to fucking murder my bro Twice, and he hasn’t even noticed I’m here yet. shit is totally crazy, anyways before we go on just a reminder to click on the link below to check out our official league merch, and if you haven’t already, click on the button to like and subscribe, it really helps us out.” and then boom, just in time to save Twice from Mr. To Stab or Not to Stab

(ETA: now that we know it’s actually Twice what am I gonna do with all these Dabi social media jokes. huh?! Horikoshi you ruined everything!!)

oh this chapter is apparently called “Happy Life.” that’s fun I’m sure we’re going to have a really fun time here

(ETA: so fun the funnest.)

Dabi doesn’t really seem fazed though

yeah he’s fucked we know don’t have to rub it in ffff

(ETA: Dabi. we underestimated him, Dabi.)

so Hawks is all “you nearly murdered your bro just fyi” and Dabi is all “smirk it’s fine cuz I knew you were going to save him cuz ~that’s ~what ~heroes ~do” wow you guys. I just realized that between Dabi and Hawks, this has the potential to be the single snarkiest fight we’ve ever had in this manga. my hype for this chapter just went up 10x

also even though I just summarized these last few panels I’m also going to post them so we can all shamelessly admire hot wounded Hawks

hot damn. you were right, AFO. wounded heroes are the sexiest. I may be paraphrasing a bit

also two things, (1) looks like he called some of his feathers back (so then WHERE WERE THEY??), but it’s not much. and (2) he was wearing gloves this whole time that’s right I forgot. so maybe his hands are okay?? the hell are those made of, damn

oh my freaking lord

this is one attractive chapter I’ll give it that. also raise your hand if you’re surprised that Dabi never actually trusted Hawks. yeah that’s what I thought

well shit looks like we’re finally getting some Hawks thoughts! unsurprisingly, they are all “I’m fucked”

please note that while talking!Hawks is continuing to be all sassy, thinking!Hawks is busy tallying up Jin’s injuries. this is a good sign, maybe. I hope. lol

anyway but speaking of Jin, what is going on

oh lol he’s making a break for it

this is so bad you guys. this is so so bad. if Twice lives that’s all well and good, but if he escapes, Hawks is 100% right about how dangerous he is. they could literally capture 90% of PLF in this raid and it would hardly even matter. also in the meantime the #2 hero is about to be roasted alive so that’s also not great for the hero side all things considered

ohhhhhhhhhhhhh no. I don’t like this. no no no

why did we suddenly cut to outside and someone’s screaming (?) echoing from offscreen. I’m trying to think of not-terrible explanations for this and coming up short. uh

now we’re back to Hawks/Twice/Dabi, only I don’t see Hawks yet. but Twice is just barely dodging the flame blast, and meanwhile Dabi is all

is he talking to Twice?

yep he’s talking to Twice

that’s fine. that’s all I need. for Twice to “go wild” while my nine-year-old son is outside with his batteries all fried and innocently waiting for someone to lead him back to where his other child soldier friends are waiting for him. like. say what you will about Hawks and betrayal, but there was a fucking reason he was trying to take Twice out first

hmm but we’re getting this slow-motion panel now and FUCK ME I SWEAR TO GOD IF A FEATHER PIERCES HIS HEART OUT OF NOWHERE I’M GONNA LOSE IT

WAIT WHAT

EXCUSE ME BUT

? ??????????

well you sure have been made to look the fool now, Dabi. thought you’d won just because you had Hawks cornered in a narrow room and you set him on fire while standing in between him and the only exit. rookie fucking mistake. you scrub. you clod. you halfwit. how could you let this happen. wow I can’t believe Dabi let Hawks escape unscathed except for a sexy scar and that’s the end of the chapter

LMAO

oh my god. well good news everyone this chapter did indeed make me cry

(ETA: listen. I’m going to hell, I know. but it’s still funny as fuck.)

“he went outside with the blast... and flanked me?!” ...sure. sure let’s just go with that. seems reasonable

actually no, sorry, I literally went back two chapters to see if there was another way out of this room, and nope

by the way that last panel is apparently from Dabi’s POV if I’m understanding this right. just standing behind Hawks waiting for youtube live to connect

but anyway. so no exit. meaning Dabi apparently torched a hole right through the wall and Hawks just sat there and was all “okay this hurts like a mother but if I wait it out a few more seconds I think I can... there we go!” you know, logic

so now there is a ton of action happening which I can’t quite understand, but also Dabi is shouting Hawks’s real name for some reason

why do I feel like this is definitely the last page before somebody definitely fucking dies. shit. shit

oh thank god so far so good. and also, lol

BECAUSE HE READ THE DATABOOK, HAWKS. that’s probably how he figured out you were a spy too. we’ve been had

oh snap?!

don’t do this to me Horikoshi. don’t give me hope. don’t act like you’re gonna actually address this topic sometime before the heat death of the universe

AND HE’S OUT

MY BABY OFF TO DESTROY PEOPLE. ;_; shitttt hahaha nervous laughter Ralph Wiggum sitting on the bus etc.

GODDAMN IT HORIKOSHI

I don’t want Twice to kill anyone but it doesn’t mean I want him to die either! just!! can’t I have it both ways?? please stop with this I can’t take it also what is Spinner doing. and also YAY GIRAN SIGHTING hot damn the sex appeal of this chapter is fast approaching critical levels

GOD FUCKING DAMMIT FUCK

fuck me. [eyes post from last week] the real announcer jinx was the metas we made along the way

well we’re cutting away again!! because of course we are!! Horikoshi won’t show violence unless it’s a dog exploding or a little boy accidentally murdering his entire family

[taps megaphone] this thing on. all right then. [clears throat] NO ONE WANTS THIS

FOR FUCK’S SAKE

“I KNOW YOU’RE ALL DYING TO SEE WHAT’S GOING TO HAPPEN, SO HERE, LET’S CUT TO A RANDOM PAGE OF TOGA AND COMPRESS BEING CAPTURED BY A MAN WITH HUNGRY HUNGRY HIPPO ARMS”

oh damn but are they really captured though??

forgive me for being skeptical. not to doubt you, Hungry Hungry Hippo Man. I’m sure you’re absolutely right and your sentence cut off at the end there because you remembered that they changed their name to Pliff, and not because you’re being stabbed or burned or impaled or whatever the fuck

!!!

HE LIVED BITCH

yes he totally lived and this definitely isn’t so that he can get one final scene with Toga before he suddenly keels over and dies. shit. at this point it’s fucking inevitable. you had to go and drag his girlfriend into this. I’m so sad you guys I can’t even deal with these emotions I’m just gonna stubbornly joke about stupid shit until I figure out what the fuck else to do

OH MY GOD!!!!???

HE DIED BITCH!?!??

he’s already dead he’s already fucking dead fucking shit

ohhhhhh it’s pouring down sads now

my bird son really went and fucking killed the sweetest little dumpling in the manga. I wrote like 5 thousands essays defending you, Hawks. we gonna have to get you a damn good lawyer now

why is sad flute music from the Naruto OST playing

he’s not gonna need it where he’s going Toga. because they already have plenty of handkerchiefs on the farm. and lots of room for him to run around and play with other villains too

lmao fuck

I really did this to myself, why did I actually start playing Sadness and Sorrow fuck my life. real actual tears

and it SEEMS TO ME, YOU LIVED YOUR LIFE, LIKE A CANDLE IN THE WIND~~~

[sad makeste noises]

AND I WOULD HAVE LIKED TO KNOW YOU

BUT I WAS JUST A KID~~

...

your candle burned out long before

your legend ever did.

[mellow keyboard tones]

welp. ... 2020 ladies and gentlemen

[akechicrimes]

I'd love to hear your commentary on "A Level Knife": It's one of my gold standard fics and I often revisit it to get a refresher on what feels like really accurate character voices/interactions! (also sorry for sending you the prompt "grief" when you were looking for fluff lol)

level knife

LMAO dont apologize, i might have asked for prompts but let’s be real...... i definitely went through those prompts and chose all the ones with angst in them because im an angst writer at heart :’)

im so 😳😳 that u think that fic has accurate characterization especially because it was the first shuake fic i ever wrote and i was PARANOID about messing up the characterization........ i was so worried hfmghfgmh

the original conceit was that goro wouldnt get his hair cut in public because he doesnt want to be seen in an inelegant state, but then it derailed because. akira is a silent protagonist.

because it was my first shuake fic, i really stressed over the characterization for both of them in this fic, so i was like, ok, i’ll start small and easy, and i’ll just try and replicate as best as i can one of the typical interactions that they have at the leblanc bar. i was very dead certain that i did NOT want to give akira a personality outside of what he has in canon, because i felt strongly that akira has a canon personality, even if it’s understated. but then that meant that i had to confront the fact that it would be incredibly unnerving to hold a conversation with a jrpg protagonist who barely spoke. 

and i remember being like, aw, fuck, what am i gonna do?? should i cave and give him a personality? long story short i was SO god damn stubborn that i stuck to my guns and went with akira “silent protagonist” kurusu who says only four words at a time, even went out of my way to shorten his sentences and remove some of his dialogue, and then as soon as i did that the rest of it just sort of....... happened

once i decided that akira was going to behave the way he did, it seemed the natural conclusion that nervous akira’s silence and lack of expression would make anyone, but especially someone who wants people’s approval as much as goro does, how difficult it would be to figure out how to make a type of human connection when everyone else around goro seems to fall easily for the detective prince shtick, how uncertain goro might feel, never sure what akira is thinking, like goro’s shooting in the dark until he’d just nervous-talk on and on and on, trying to get any sort of reaction out of him and then being confused by whatever reaction he gets because akira has such a brick wall for a face.......... but that probably those are exactly the qualities that goro finds so interesting and even admirable...... it was kind of almost an accident that goro wound up behaving so skittishly, but ten i remembered that goro has a habit in vanilla cutscenes of just showing up  in akira’s house and throws words at him like he’s desperate for a reaction until suddenly standing up and running the fuck away JSKJSKJ

all these characterizations were mostly an accident because i was thinking about transferring JRPG Silent Protagonists To the Fanfiction Page and i wasnt deep in the Goro Characterization Meta Sauce yet but i guess......... i think i always wondered if akira and akechi can be rivals if goro doesn’t feel genuinely threatened by akira on some level?? not even in an angry hatred way, but in an insecure and nervous way........ threatened by his abilities, his mysteriousness, akira’s apparent lack of emotional weakness, how much goro finds himself doing stupid shit around akira, or just the mortifying ordeal of being known......... LMAO

but i havent really written anything since about goro having soft weak sides of himself that make him uncertain and nervous ever since....... i mean it’s come up here and there but maybe i should reincorporate that idea more meaningfully into the way i write him from now on 🤔🤔

also i distinctly remember that when i wrote this fic, i was like, “well i dont REALLY ship shuake, it’s just a neat idea and a series of prompts that i saw on tumblr, i’ll just do these seven prompts and then go back to writing pegoryu and shukita” and obviously that. did not happen. as you can see. loooooooooooooooolololololol

ask for the director’s cut on a fic i’ve written

[bunny-banana]

For the director's cut thing, the story where Fabri asks Ermal out on a date but Ermal doesn't realize that? 👀

YO SO WE GONNA DO THAT OR WHAT

Its this fic btw if anyones curious.  

Chap 1

Even with closed eyes, he sensed the man lying next to him turn towards him but Fabrizio did not spoke immediately. No, he just stayed silent for a bit, Ermal wasn’t quite sure what he was observing but before Ermal could ask, Fabrizio broke the silence.

its u. he’s gazing at u, u idiot.

*

*

’You didn’t exactly give off the vibe that you’d say yes’

“What the fuck does that even mean? I don’t give off the vibe?!”

mr no-homo meta has NO right to be surprised at that. boy went into a panic attack every time someone as much as breathed the suggestion ofc fab was Anxious

*

*

A certain Roman showing up at his doorstep looking like he’d belong to the Milan Fashion Week.A tight grey shirt whose top three buttons almost begged to be opened (yet remained miraculously, in Fabris case, closed!) clung nicely to the body underneath it. A very fine silver chain hung around his neck that perfectly fit with the rings and the watch on his hand.Instead of ripped denim, now tight & shiny dark jeans were worn and to round this look up, an impeccably tailored black, suit jacket was thrown over him.

so not to be Hoe on main but we all just love Sexy Fab.  but more so, i really thought Fabrizio would have put a lot of effort into dressing nicely this time around. Probably called a few friends, crying to help him. He just wanted Ermal to like his look. Which he did.   A lot.  again, outstanding heterosexual of the year, ermal meta is completely mesmerised by that look.

*

*

“Well, well, Fab. Gotta say, this place is on a whole different level“ The curly haired man commented as he flipped through the menu.“You like it?”“How could I not?”

again, Fabrizio intentionally looking up a fancy place for their Date, something he actually felt a little bit uncomfortable about himself and wouldnt normally chose for himself. But then again, he was greatly relieved when Ermal actually did say he liked it.

*

*It felt.. nice. The whole evening was quite nice, Ermal had to admit, even with the unusual ambient.

Ermal is just honestly iconic in this fic. man enjoys fabrizios appearance, enjoys talking with him,  eating out with him, just spending time with him in general sooo much……and yet.

*

*

Fabrizio tilted his head and was it the candle light or something else, but a intriguing shine filled his eyes.“I’d know something sweeter than this.” In the next moment, everything turned upside down when Fabrizio suddenly took his hand and intertwined their fingers, his thumb gently brushing over the back of the younger man’s hand.

THE COURAGE THIS TOOK. THE NERVES WHICH WERE WRECKED.  Fab really just went “ok here we go balls to the wall now or never”

*

*

Chap2

“So, Fabrizio….Fabrizio likes me. Apparently.” It felt interesting to say it out loud. Ermal got a tingly feeling at the thought. So ..it was him who made Fabrizio blush earlier? Who made him nervous? And smiley?  Christ, he actually really wanted Ermal to like his outfit, didn’t he? A small smirk found its way on Ermal’s face. Who would have thought that he’d have Fabrizio Moro of all people wrapped around his finger.

erm: so im het

also erm: wow i really really like the fact that fabrizio is into me. its actually super exciting. kinda makes me happy in a way.

*

*

“Wait, what?! I should ask him out?!”“Yeah? Isn’t that something you want?”Is that something he- But that would imply that he’d want to pursue Fabrizio, his very male, masculine, manly friend Fabrizio who was definitely not by any chance a woman. To have a relationship with guy that was …..romantic… and oh sweet Mother of God, sexual?!“I- I- I don’t know.”

so yeah, to get to the bottom of this, when you’re in the process of realising your own …..non-heterosexuality, its just A Lot to take in.  I thought, realistically, that would just be a bit too much for Ermal to take in at that moment. He had to process the mere thought of “yes, you could have a romantic relationship with this guy, since he’s into you. Its absolutely a possibility”. When you’re conditioned to think “i can only ever date people of the opposite sex” all your life, it takes a bit of time to get accustomed to new possibilities.

And then theres the sexual aspect which is like, on Jupiter, for Ermal’s current state of mind.

*

*

Chap3

The video he currently was immersed in showed a slow-mo fight between a mongoose and a cobra that in all its intensity outdid any action movie in a heartbeat.

i remember watching that vid before writing that chapter and being mesmerised by it. u fucking go lil mongoose!

*

*

[Bizio]: sorry i cant this weekend

First, i just love the thought of him being saved as Bizio on Ermals phone. Second, the reason why he replied so late was because he was wrecking his mind about it. Should he go? should he not? god, the thought of seeing ermal excited him and yet scared him. nonononno. he’s trying to get Over Ermal. He needs space. he is not ready yet.

*

*

[Ermal]:Fabri!! Heard you’re coming up North! 😁 I have this excellent bottle of wine that a fan gave me the other day (don’t ask) so how about we open it at my place? I know you love a good wine 😉🍷

He couldn’t even slide the phone back into his pocket before it started buzzing. Surprisingly, the reply came almost instantly this time.[Bizio]:sorry no the schedule is pretty tight for me at the moment i dont think ill have much time in milan

i just image him getting the weirdest fucking fan gifts. also lmao the lightning speed with which fab replied. homeboy saw that wine would be involved and imemdiately thought “nononononono. worst case, my drunk ass might kiss him, god forbid. we are absolutely not gonna do that”

*

*

[Ermal]:So I’m flipping through the channels at home and there comes a baking show and I wouldn’t normally stop to watch but you know what they’re baking? Those creamy pastry things we had in Lisbon!

Now the idea about the Pasteis de Nata stemms from a real life event! During ESC 2018 i slept at a friends house and since the contest was held in Portugal we decided to cook something portuguese. Thats what we did. They fucking slap. Also, one of the best weekends ive ever had

*

*

However, this is how things continued as to all of Ermal’s messages, he’d receive rather uncharacteristically short replies. When he sent him photos he’d often not reply at all and even when he called Fabri didn’t pick.

Okay we have to image in WHAT kinda mental state Fabrizio is in that time. Boy is EMBARASSED to death. Then obviously, he is trying his hardest to get rid of this crush.  So he just isnt talking to Ermal at all. Which in turn makes him lonely and sad.  So then Ermal shoots him a message, sends him a picture and Fabrizio is immediately head over heels again. Which he shouldnt be. Bad Fabri. And the circle repeats itself.

*

*

Fabrizio who smiled sweetly at the host, who hugged her tightly, who joked with her and oh, whose eyes didn’t stick to her face but wandered more and more south.

Dude honestly, Fab was not flirting with anyone. He was just being nice as he usually is. And we all know he a lil bit sleazy so yeah, he might have looked down once or twice. but he really was not flirting. It was just Ermals affection-deprived mind going berserk.

Also that was the first time Ermal witnessed Fabrizio being affectionate with someone else. And the contrast to that cold shoulder he received was just the last straw for him.

*

*

“Why is he all smiley and lovey-dovey with her while he treats me as if I’m a war criminal?!” Ermal shouted the second the other line got picked up.“Uhm, hello? Maybe a ‘Good morning’ first of all? A simple ‘how are you doing, Sabina?’ would have been appreciated too.”

Damn bitch can ya greet ur sister first before going off smh

*

*

And would it have been really that bad if Ermal had just held on to his hand? Let Fabrizio gently stroke him with his thumb, maybe even squeeze back while Ermal’s finger draws circles over letters that covered the older man’s knuckles.It would have been nice and Ermal would have liked it.

I think he just needed to see what he was missing out to realise what he really has always wanted. If things were to go back to normal, he would have never made any realisations.

*

*

“Am I- Do I like Fabrizio?”

No, we dont ask what he is. Because thats for another time, a calmer time. Or maybe not at all. He doesnt know the answer to that question and its not important right now. All he knows is that despite it all, he likes Fabrizio.

*

*

The fact he was a guy was new, but those feelings involved weren’t.

I feel like this is just a very bisexual experience. At least to me it was. Its very confusing when u are genuinely attracted to the opposite sex, so you make the conclusion: you are obviously straight. Its not possibly that you are not-straight.  

Then u start feeling attraction to someone of ur own gender and its like “hmmm. Obviously this must be fake since we have established that Im genuinely attracted to the opposite sex ”

But the thing is..it aint going away. And then u think how you’d perhaps be down for sex, and perhaps be down for something more, and perhaps do all those nice things you would be doing with someone of the opposite sex.  

So yeah, its ..its really confusing and complicated to figure it out. And if you actually do have a feelings for someone it only makes matters more complicated ig

*

*

“Jesus, I really do like him. Me. Liking a guy.”

Again, once u made That Realisation, its just the WILDEST thing in the beginning. a complete NEW concept being applied to yourself.

*

*

“LISTEN CUT THE BULLSHIT I KNOW EXACTLY THAT YOU’RE HOME! OPEN UP OR I WILL STAND HERE ALL NIGHT I’M NOT FUCKING AROUND!” In addition to the knocking he now also started ringing the doorbell. He sure as hell wouldn’t move here until that door wasn’t opened.“I DONT GIVE A FUCK, I WON’T EVEN SLEEP AND NEITHER WILL YOU. I CAN GO ON FOREVER YOU HEAR ME, FABRIZIO MOBRICI?!”

Ermal is just unhinged in all my fics.

*

*

Epilogue

[Ermal💛]: You ready?

Fabrizio added that heart right immediately after Ermal left his house a week prior.

*

*

Ermal looked….cuddly.

So yeah we all know Fab isnt the keenest on fashion and shit. And i just though Ermal would want him to be as comfortable as possible on their date, so he was like “ay come casual” . and also, its sort of cute that Ermal lets Fabri see him so casual too, its sort of more private in that sense.

*

*

And those were still the mild surprises, let’s not start with the downright shock he felt when his brain started providing words like kissable, attractive, sexy and hot during lonelier nights.

i have a fic for those kinda nights too

*

*

“It’s not that far and God knows men your age need the exercise anyway.”

ermal just cant show affection like a normal person, he has to roast u even when he’s madly in love with u

*

*

What followed behind the colourful door was a small chaos. Literally. People constantly coming and going, with buzzing voices chatting in every corner. They made their way half through the rather crowded establishment, got greeted by a waiter who rushed past them, before they finally spotted a couple leaving, liberating two chairs for them.

SO YEAH. the restaurant. it is loosely based on a place here in Vienna. Its pakistani food too, its a buffet, its kinda chaotic like described in the fic. also u can pay as much as u want.

i just thought, yknow, its home made cooking and its kinda relaxed and chill and casual and has a certain liberal flair to it. and i thought yeah that has fabri energy we gonna use that. also their mango rice puddings fucking slap

*

*

Languages were not his forte, those belonged to Ermal, but Fabrizio ran through his options. It surely wasn’t French or Spanish, that he would at least recognise. German looked different too; they had those dots over their U’s and those curly B’s which allegedly weren’t B’s at all. Swedish? Danish? No. He’s been to Ikea often enough to know that his wardrobe wouldn’t be called Qershor. And Russian had different letters but maybe it was something similar to Russian?

Okay, so I’m a known Slut for Languages.  Fabrizio is not. I can pretty much recognise most European languages in written form at some point in a text. Fabrizio can not. Therefore writing this from the perspective of someone who really isnt into languages was kind of interesting and a bit challenging. I was just thinking ‘how would he recognise them when he isnt into them?’  And i think, in the end, i did it realistically.

*

*

“Is it like..Serbian? Croatian? Or something?” He mumbled while putting a piece of eggplant in his mouth but quickly realised the answer when Ermal almost spit out his water from laughing.“No, definitely not. I can guarantee you, it’s very much not Serbian or Croatian ‘or something’.” Ermal chuckled with a bright smile, obviously enjoying their little guessing game. “But you’re close. In a way.”

This is SO embarrassing but this whole language guessing game was just a setup to an inside joke I have with myself.  So, for those who don’t know, I speak Serbo-Croatian. And I study Slavic studies. The first things they tell you in the first lesson of the Slavic Linguistics course is “Please, for the love of God, PLEASE, dont say Albanian/Hungarian/Romanian is a slavic language”. Apparently many europeans assume these languages are because theyre surrounded by slavic countries. BUT TO AN ACTUAL SLAVIC NATIVE SPEAKER, the difference is immediately obvious and so its quite comical when people assume theyre related languages.   So i thought the reverse would be kinda funny to Ermal too.

*

*

“I can be anything the teacher wants me to be. A good student, a naughty student, whatever floats his boat…” He asked sultrily before winking at the man across of him whose higher brain functions seemed to have ceased at once and just gaped at him like a fish.

boys whole brain got fried when the sexiest man in italy started flirting with him. issokay, he was just shocked. fabrizio has never been flirty with him before, he’ll get used to it.

*

*

“I was just trying to give you the best date that I could.“At those words, the Roman frowned however."Wait, this was a date?!”

im just an asshole honestly

*

*

They giggled as they finally closed the gap between them going for a slow and deep kiss.

i just love them being all SOFT and in LOVE

*

*

“Erm, I- I have an instore tomorrow, I better be well rested.”His counterpart just huffed and raised an eyebrow.“So were you planning on staying up all night, huh?”

Fabs horn dog brain definitively went HmmmmMmm this is nice:) ..could get even nicer:)  but no fuck, i have work to do tomorrow

*

*

“Love how you immediately forget about a good night’s sleep once you have a tongue in your mouth.”“Fuck off.”

He just got carried away as if u were complaining ermal smh

*

*

"I bet on everything I have that your password is 'liberoanita1’ so yes, I actually can.”

Parents culture is just using ur children’s names as all your passwords and we all know Fabri is that kinda parent.

*

*

All in All, i also wanna talk about how the epilogue mirrors the first chapter, but in a more successful light.

Fabrizio dresses for Ermal - Ermal dresses for Fabrizio

fancy place - more casual place

They take the car - they walk

Fabrizio takes Ermals hand on the open for everyone to see - Ermal takes Fabrizios hand under the table, in private

They eat their dessert seperately - they eat theri dessert together

they fall out - they become closer, kiss

they dont talk - they plan the next date

anyway thanks for reading and thank uuuuuu for this ask julchen

[flying-elliska]

Hii Ellie. This is kind of a personal question and it’s totally okay if you don’t answer it. How did you come to terms with your sexuality? How or when did you know you were bi? I know that it’s not about putting tags on people or anything like that, it’s just that I’ve kind of been struggling with it and it’d be nice to read your experience if you want to share it

Ooooh anon do you have three hours ? lol. Of course I want to talk about it if it can help anyone even a little. 

The tl;dr is : in stages, I struggled a lot, and bi characters were super important to me. 

So I think as a kid/teen I always had this vague notion that ladies were very pretty, but I was not a lesbian bc I liked boys too much, and besides I had these horrible ideas in my mind about queerness being immature and yucky, it was bad. I think I pretty much did have crushes on several of my girl friends but I just didn’t understand that’s what it was, just super intense friendship and being jealous when they got boyfriends hmmmm. Also my ‘fashion folder’ was full of pics of Keira Knightley in a tank top, cause that’s the height of fashion, am I right. I also wrote a letter to a girl I met at camp telling her her voice was so soft and eyes were beautiful and full of stars...do you wanna be friends ? Lol I was so obvious I swear, but it’s funnier in hindsight. 

Then when I was 18 I met this older girl in my circle of friends who was bisexual and I thought it was really cool, but I didn’t really connect the dots. I am ashamed to say, I thought she was saying that to give herself a vibe. 

Then when I was 19 i bingewatched the series Torchwood  ( a Doctor Who spinoff) and it felt like an absolute revelation. Jack Harkness, the MC, is this incredible badass rogue time travelling adventurer from the future who charms women and men left and right without any issue about it. (I think he’s...omnisexual or something ?) But this is the first time I saw the possibility of being attracted to multiple genders as something that’s actually valid. Seems silly now but this was almost 10 yrs ago, lol. It was the dark ages in terms of queer rep back then. And it’s such an integral part of Jack’s character, and he’s just so cool and it really struck a chord with me, this idea that in the future anyone can love whoever they want. There was the idea of a society that is founded on those principles, and well, I am very political in nature I guess, and i was like. yes. i can see it now. but it remained theorethical. 

Then the year after that, Erasmus exchange and I meet this girl. Like, it was bam! in your face, I fell head over heels. Now, tbh, I don’t get attracted to people all that often, but when it came to her it was absolutely indeniable. Now, she was already with someone else, so we remained just friends and it did suck a little, but I’m not sad, because it taught me a lot about myself (and she was just such a cool person in general I’m glad I met her). I just couldn’t get past it, yeah she was cool and stuff but I didn’t just want to be her friend, I was attracted to her, I daydreamed about being in a couple with her, doing romantic stuff, etc. And it was super validating to learn she was also bi a little later down the line (she was such goals in general, god.) So then after that I was like...um am I a lesbian ? Like I do have a lot of issues with men. And so I spent a lot of time having this wishy washy thing in my head.  Also that year, I was in Amsterdam taking all those gender studies classes. And it opened up my mind in a radical way - learning about queer history, the fact that sexualities are socially constructed, feminism, activism, etc etc....it allowed me to let go of a lot of my crappy internalized prejudices. I also wrote an essay on burlesque with in field research because i ‘liked the costumes’ yeahhhh right okay. The levels of denial oh my god. ANyway. 

Then i got really, really into Supernatural for a while (sigh...it was better back then, I have to say). This was s8 and the high moment of the ‘let’s prove Dean Winchester is bi’ meta palooza on tumblr. And spending so much time hunting for clues and reading so much about people explaining their own experiences of being bisexual and not realizing it until later I was like....wait a minute....That’s just so me. Dean probs will never come out of the closet, because they’re cowards, but I certainly did, so yay, I guess. I looked over my past and I was finally able to understand. I wrote the meta of my own life. Lmao. And I was able to come out to one of my friends on the phone. I felt so fucking powerful afterwards. Then to a few other friends. And it felt good. 

Then I came back to Amsterdam and I was like, alright, time to stop being a coward and actually get involved in some real life LGBT stuff. So I joined a student association and man. It was so fucking scary. I remember, they had this meet up at a bar every month, and I actually went twice, and every time I just was too nervous to actually go inside, i stood in front of it, and I went home. So in the end I actually signed up to be a member and for the integration day, so I just forced myself to show up. And I did. It was so incredibly nervewracking. I met up with a group of students holding up a rainbow flag in front of the central station and we had these series of challenges to do - take a pic with a rainbow flag in front of one of those bible thumpers, stage a harry potter duel in public, order a starbucks drink with the name ‘Vagina Jensens’, mimick the titanic scene where they’re on the edge of the boat...it was so silly and fun and everyone was so nervous in the end, it was awesome. I ended up on the newsletter committee of that association and I had a blast, interviewing people, writing book reviews, etc...I did have complexes though, that everyone was more cool and gay aware than me lol. But it still did a lot for me and helped me come out to my family. (at a restaurant for my 25th birthday because i am a drama queen lol.). At the same time it was very...mainstream gay frat house lol. Focused on partying and drinking and being sociable in a way that can be exhausting to me, and a little light on the politics, which has always been important to me. After that I volunteered for the Eurobicon as I spoke about earlier and it was so important to me, that being bisexual is such a worthy identity to have in itself and important to me beyond being just queer, it was really cool. 

I’m not totally there yet I guess, because I find relationships in general difficult, it’s been a while, I often feel like i don’t have enough experience to call myself bi, I’m nerdy and awkward, I don’t fit the cliché of the seductive bisexual, etc etc. i sometimes think that i’m a little bit on the ace spectrum too or at least demisexual because i don’t seem to be into people as often as most of my friends, and even then it’s very emotionally-focused. I also feel very weird about gender in general so that’s also a whole other thing. And my brain is wonky and i feel it interacts with all that.  I still have moments of ‘oh what if i’m actually a lesbian ! straight ! ace !’ looool.

But less now. I’m learning to let myself just...Be. ahahahahaah. And also I have more and more bi friends and that helps a lot, to just randomly swoon over multigendered celebrities and learn to be very casual about it. 

Anyway my point is. I included all those messy (kinda embarassing) details because : getting to terms with your sexuality is fucking hard. The wow i figured it out young and then came out and it was great thing ? still not for everyone. I think a key part is, we grow up with these ideals of the perfect life, of what it means to be the protagonist of your life - and most of the time still it involves hetero couple, marriage, babies - and to look beyond that, for a while, it feels like you’re going off track, disqualifying yourself. So it’s hard. Sometimes you actually need several moments of revelation, of it sinking in. It’s fine, it’s all fine. You’ll get there. No pressure. Don’t try to fit your story into a certain pattern. It’s yours, so it’s valid. 

[spnreactionblogging]

raising hell

SPOILERS BELOW 

okay I really learned my lesson last time about not typing this directly into tumblr so it's going into notepad first and then I'm pasting it over

I have angel's envy for the episode in general, which I will be drinking gradually as a special occasion just for S15 as it airs, and also devil's cut for this episode in particular because I hear buckleming wrote it and I'm toasting to crowley and drinking that one if/when something fucked up inevitably happens to kevin

I'm SO FUCKING GLAD to see osric in this btw just like. I love him he's so good I'm glad he's back

I've tried to avoid spoilers but from what glimpses I've seen before I could glance away it sounds like maybe some meta shit is getting into territory I was also going into with the kevin/crowley/castiel fic I'm doing? so super intrigued to see where that goes but also not getting my hopes up because I fear the writing is going to drop the ball

I love meta shit though I'm so here for it, I gotta double back for time travel shenanigans in Lebanon

okay anyway let's start

oh and apparently rob benedict had a stroke a while back?? and i'm so glad he's all right, here are the signs of a stroke if you need to refresh because you really ought to know what to look for https://well.blogs.nytimes.com/2012/09/03/too-young-to-have-a-stroke-think-again I had this open in a tab from someone totally different on twitter

I like the "road closed" sign we start with because it seems thematically on point for like... shutting down the infinite potential of stories as they are not done being told, and as all those doors close

it's not a buckleming episode unless it starts off with gratuitous violence against women

the amazon subtitles are spelling it "benzine" [sic] and it's pissing me off

I love jared playing sam playing an FBI agent who's nervous about delivering speeches

crams all this sam and cas footage into my mouth

I don't believe "belphegor" at all but I love seeing alex playing this part

this implication that belphegor has teamed up with a hunter previously.........

pretty impressed with these townspeople actually? their concerns are not unreasonable and they're right to be skeptical

pffffff at this parallel of sam addressing the living crowd vs jack the ripper addressing the ghost crowd

the makeup on the ghosts is pretty fuckin good, I like the wardrobe and hair too

I like the fake posters at the school for various fictional sporting events

castiel continues to have a conscience and I adore him

rowena "am I interrupting something juicy" eyes emoji

ruth is pretty fun, I like her necklace

I like that ketch literally has a gun that just kicks spirits out of people. like. ...why haven't they been using this technology the whole time. guess it's an endgame weapon.

hahahahha an attractive female demon named Ardat. ................me @ homestuck like oh Ardata got it

this is the first time i've seen adult amara? it's bizarre to see characters I've only heard of

dude's right to be very upset and worried about his neighbors and cas should tell them what's up honestly, I see sam's point about not inciting panic but on the other hand :\

no idea where this arthur/rowena thing is going except I do I guess

I really, really like castiel's take (which is also sam's take from the last episode) that even if their lives were written by chuck, their experiences still mattered, and are not rendered worthless because of external circumstances about how they came into being

are people seriously doing a "THIS IS A DESTIEL MOMENT" from this? like. i guess.

also i hate that cas is having to apologize for "dropping the puck". he didn't. fuck off. he didn't drop the ball. dean didn't give a shit about felix being killed anyway so what the fuck.

misha and jensen both have excellent delivery though

I do like seeing dean play off ketch and belphegor and rowena, it's a nice change of pace

dude these stunts of getting thrown into a wall or a shelving unit like I realize they're stunts but OUCH

ahhhhhh that's kevin i hear osric's voice

kevin got the other ghost to go away by yelling at them lmaooooo I love him so fucking much!!!!!

so we're gonna retcon that kevin has spent the last what, four??? four fucking years? not in heaven, but in hell or purgatory or just wandering earth? remember how a year on earth is forty years in hell?

I'm glad I specifically have the devil's cut to drink to kevin getting fucked over because I'm already enraged

** "DRINK FOR KEVIN" COUNT: 1 **

god he's been on the screen for less than sixty seconds and he was just never sent to heaven because god lied, I'm so glad I have bourbon for this. fucking buckleming, how do they keep getting put in charge of kevin episodes

I got up to get my kevin keychain to watch the rest of this episode with I'm so mad holy fuck I'm so mad, it just never stops

the amazon subtitles: "the vegetables and herbs are finely chopped and added to a SEXY pastiche of fragrant tripe"

thinking emoji, did you mean zesty....

I took like a 30 minute break because I was so mad just now about kevin being denied access to heaven like fuck you

the break was so long that amazon timed out, goddamn it

oh so we can't get kevin into heaven because god's not around to make an exception and god hates the winchesters and how god feels about the winchesters extends to their surrounding "friends" and family. amazing. this is bullshit.

** "DRINK FOR KEVIN" COUNT: 2 **

"whiny kevin tran! typical millennial." he should whine more. he has every right to be furious

also amazing that bobby and john manage to stay in heaven, and chuck didn't cast them down to hell along with mary out of spite when this all went down? so like... why not kevin. AMAZING!!!!!!

** "DRINK FOR KEVIN" COUNT: 3 **

sam has the dignity to actually look concerned instead of just annoyed

oh I like sam being linked to chuck lmaooooo

I do love this shot of a bunch of ghosts just hanging out in some suburban kitchen.

osric is so handsome I'm so glad to see him on this again

"you know how the hellspawn are, all they talk about is sam and dean, sam and dean" maybe the only time jack the ripper has been right about anything

not a fan of this extremely heteronormative bullshit courtesy of buckleming

also left-brain/right-brain is basically a lie isn't it

this fucking music. I'm so sick of buckleming

like I would be fine with this if it had been written by literally anyone else but this is the worst shit, nobody flirts like this

the road is "FAIR WYND", that's the cousin of zack fair and cid highwind

she hooked up with jack the ripper briefly? weird flex but okay

oh kevin is now being held GHOST HOSTAGE because dean told him to go do some reconnaissance

** "DRINK FOR KEVIN" COUNT: 4 **

also I paused on a screenshot that's extremely funny to me

oh I don't like hearing kevin screaming :(

drinking for kevin being tortured by jack the ripper trying to ghost-vore him

** "DRINK FOR KEVIN" COUNT: 5 **

I'm also waiting for the ghostbusters containment thing to backfire and swallow him too

DEAN: you can see them, how many are there "BELPHEGOR": 100 at least, more keep coming

convenient way not to animate 100+ ghosts

oh ketch took off the fucking iron, or maybe it fell off when he was hurt?

good job rowena for real

CASTIEL: I tried to heal him, but it didn't work. I don't know why. SAM: You're probably just tired, Cas. We all are.

for fucking real the biggest sastiel mood is taking naps

also this is troubling

it's like legitimately weird to see them call an ambulance on this show? I guess since they're posing as FBI agents it's more feasilble but

SAM: I'm sorry, Kevin. I wish there was some way to make this right. KEVIN: Me too, but there isn't. And sometimes you just gotta accept that.

actually fuck you lmao holy shiiiiiiiiiiiit omg fuck this

I'm about to drink the rest of the kevin-designated devil's cut

"there's nothing to keep him tied to earth, he'll go crazy!"

hey what about y'know

his mom...........................................

I'm screaming

"I love you guys" osric I know you love them IRL but this is so unfair for kevin the character

I like alexander and osric in the same shot, that's kind of fun, I enjoyed their panel I watched

and there's him waving goodbye. this is so unfair. time to down the rest of this

** "DRINK FOR KEVIN" COUNT: 666 **

to kevin, and to osric

thank fuck I was already in the middle of writing fix-it fic, this is injust

I have such mixed feelings because I'm so happy to see osric back but like AT WHAT COST, the worst timeline

there's a finality to this too like he's not coming back after this unless there's massive all-cast-reunion episode at the tail end in a paradise party AU but I doubt it

goodbye Kevin, this sucks :(

I'm more motivated than ever to finish this fic

"Even on your best day, you couldn't force my hand." is a pretty good line

also negative space is not inferior or "backup vocals"? it's part of a composition

you fucking know what buckleming is that WE CAN FIGURE OUT THAT THERE'S A NARRATIVE PARALLEL ABOUT HER LEAVING HIM TRAPPED WITH HIS CREATION, WITHOUT YOU SPELLING IT OUT jesus christ

bluhhhhhhhhhh I liked the premiere a lot more