#my heart is so full it hurts

[indigostreaking]

If I see one more edit on tiktok with Josh set to Matilda…I’m gonna delete my account.

[tenthrees]

Look at you, you’re gorgeous.

[tawnysoup]

don't you want to spend time with the little scrungly??? be a lil guy just gettin by just a normal lil guy with no secret baggage whatsoever? who's definitely not hiding anything from their very very wonderful friends??? who feels oKAY INSIDE? AND NORMAL? DONT U WANNA SPEND TIME WITH SIFFRIN????

👉👈 well.... ykno.... u could....

[thespoonisvictory]

me when god finally brings me a clone of you as but I have to take a month off work to sit with her in the kitchen and explain all our inside jokes and watch our favorite movies and teach her the world we made up and then I still fucking miss you anyway and then it hits me that I was the problem. and I still can't wake up and talk to you. anyway.

[scalacaelumx]

Ever since I was little, I could sense what was in people's hearts...but believed I was safe with you because there was nothing but light.

Day 10 of KHtober

[oldworldwidgets]

look, in all my time on fo4 tumblr and on the fo4 subreddit where hatred runs rampant, ive still only seen two valid criticisms of the railroad as a faction. ever.

(im putting aside the whole entire slavery allegory for the purposes of this post)

these two criticisms are:

if you (yes, you. the player) fundamentally disagree with the notion that synths are sentient people, the organization makes no sense and is useless. i cant change your bedrock beliefs on what constitutes a person, so this criticism stands

the mind wipes might border on unethical. the idea is good and well-intentioned, but it kinda sucks in practice. synths can choose not to have the procedure, but the railroad's catastrophizing about what will happen if they dont feels coercive sometimes. i could probably be convinced otherwise, but i think this is a pretty good point

thats it. there are no more. im absolutely open to (and would love, actually) yall trying to change my mind but just know that if your criticisms are:

they're short-sighted; the organization will eventually dissolve because there will be no more synths left to help

they have no plan nor reason to help synths post-institute; the moment the institute explodes, so does the railroad

they're too narrow-minded; they should be helping people too, not just synths

by destroying the institute, they're stopping the production of synths; this nullifies their efforts in saving synths and is even, dare i say, hypocritical

their password being railroad is far too simple and the freedom trail is too easy to follow; theyre just asking for another switchboard

[insert member of the railroad, usually desdemona] is mean; the organization is full of assholes

then ur efforts will be wasted on me. all of these criticisms are bad <3

[chef-alta]

That line when Amy says she hopes that Junie inherits the best parts of George and only the 'salvageable' parts of herself has been haunting me for the past three days

the way she thinks so little of her own redeeming qualities, seeing them only as 'salvageable' just

[crybaby-bkg]

cw: mention of previous abuse, dad Dabi, mom reader, mention of childbirth, angst

new dad touya that doesn’t know how to deal with his son. he’s growing too fast and his smiles are so big, but he’s still not sure how to just be with him.

touya isn’t abusive in the slightest, not like his shit for brains dad. he can acknowledge, after you’ve drilled it into his head on cold nights where you had to hold his quivering cheeks in your hand, that he’s better. that he’s trying. that he’s a great dad.

he doesn’t really believe it. it’s hard to believe that he’s a great dad when his son, still covered in that fresh newborn smell, stares up at him with matching azure blue eyes, the little shit, and he finds it hard to smile back. it’d be easier to smile back if he could guarantee a life with no trauma, with the perfect pair of parents, that he’d love him as much as his tiny little face deserved.

touya can still hear the labor and delivery nurse tell him that he must’ve gotten on your nerves for the baby to look so much like him, and that they’ve never seen a baby that fresh out the womb smile so big at their dad. he hands the little bundle back to you, and glares at the nurse who hands him a tissue. he takes it anyway.

touya loves his son. so goddamn much that it hurts, but, he doesn’t know how to be a dad. and he knows that you don’t know how to be a mom either, that it’s a learning process for the both of you. but he’s so scared—he’s terrified that he’ll fuck up this innocent brat with his ruin. with his scars and history and the want to better but never knowing how to just be.

so he leaves. it’s the day after your sons first birthday that you celebrated together in your home.

you thought everything was okay, that he was starting to get the hang of being a dad. he did everything right, why couldn’t he stay? he sat on the floor with your son and changed his diaper and made him giggle those addicting baby giggles? he carried your son everywhere whenever he cried after being sat down without a single complaint? he helped him open his birthday presents? he didn’t smash the cake in his face, only swiped a little icing on his sons nose to hear that addicting baby giggle? he held your son like he could never let him go?

how could he just go like this? you thought he was finally learning and accepting how to be a dad? what happened?

[neverevan]

Moodboard Monday/Tidbit Tuesday ☔️

I finally managed to make a mood board for the mudslide fic that I actually kinda like, so here, have this and a tiny snippet.

Buck was still trying to wrap his head around what had happened, it was all so quick; the rain, the debris, the mudslide and then the moment of radio silence before the chaotic explosion of noise. “We’re not giving up on him.” Bobby had said at the time, but after four days, it has become abundantly clear that instead of a search and rescue, most people have already started to treat this as a recovery mission; except they still haven’t recovered the person who mattered the most. Buck buried his face into his palms, trying to breathe without choking on his own tears, cursing at Eddie in his head for leaving him here, disappearing without a trace. He took a few deep breaths and pushed himself off of the couch — Eddie’s couch, where he was sleeping the past four days, unwilling to go into the bedroom. He wanted to be close to the door in case someone else had found Eddie while Buck was wasting his time with sleep, so he could welcome Eddie home and let him take his rightful place in his own bed. It was almost childish how much Buck was clinging to this fantasy, but it was the only thing keeping him on his feet; and he knew Christopher needed him standing, now more than ever.

tags under the cut 💛

I was tagged by @daffi-990 and @wikiangela thank youuu~ 💛

✨no pressure tagging: @malewifediaz @spagheddiediaz @jeeyuns @jamespearce9-1-1 @eddiebabygirldiaz @hippolotamus @disasterbuckdiaz @nmcggg @thewolvesof1998 @watchyourbuck @theotherbuckley @fortheloveofbuddie @ladydorian05

[dent-de-leon]

Obsessed with the idea of Molly being terrified of Lucien, wanting nothing to do with him and insisting that that person is dead because he was scared that Lucien just naturally desired to be cruel and that was something he never ever wanted.

But then Lucien comes back and Molly realising that Lucien largely doesnt WANT to be cruel. But he's been so warped by pain and fear that he thinks that control and possession and manipulation is the only way to keep people from hurting you.

And Molly is like "Oh honey no.... let's get you some therapy."

Molly never wanted to be cruel, ever. But helping someone in pain learn to open up to gentleness and vulnerability? To show kindness? That scares him a lot less and it's what finally leads to their peace. To Kingsley.

Acknowledging and healing Lucien's pain and fear allowed them both to be better

yES!! Mollymauk is so haunted by the little glimpses he sees of Lucien's past, lives in constant fear of those terrifying moments when another life bleeds through. "Whoever it was came to that end, and I want nothing to do with that. Whatever it was, it doesn't feel good when I--when something creeps through, I don't like it. I don't want anything to do with it. I was happy! I liked the circus! The circus was great!"

He crawled his way out of an unmarked grave and woke all alone in the world, reaching for a red moon in the dark. He's always been aware just how fragile his life is, afraid that he'd be sent back to the grave, that his charmed little life at the circus could be torn away from him at any moment--as could his loved ones, like Lestera.

Mollymauk always seemed to believe his time was short, so he always tries to make the most of it. Which involved running away from the past--from anything that could shatter the tentative peace he tried so hard to keep. Whoever Lucien was, Molly knows just enough to instinctively fear him, to believe that all his loved ones would abandon him if they ever knew the truth. During the Zone of Truth, he confesses that, "A lot of this was in the hopes that maybe it would never happen; keep moving, keep quiet."

So I can't agree more--watching Mollymauk face his greatest fear, seeing him finally confront Lucien after all this time--and he's still kind and compassionate enough to try and help him? After everything he did? It's such a pleasant surprise, and just a testament to his character and bleeding heart. I don't think there's many people who'd be able to look at this dark mirror of themselves and have the capacity for love and forgiveness that Molly does.

But of course Mollymauk still wants to help him, still genuinely cares for him. It's, "That's not how we are, Lucien. We love broken things the most." And, "I know what the others think, but the truth is...How do I put this...The world is harsh and cruel, and I don't seem to be able to just walk on by. You see a wrong? You fix it." He saw how much Lucien was suffering, he saw just how painfully alike they are--that they were both "broken," shattered souls--and he couldn't just leave him. He couldn't. Mollymauk just can't bear to abandon someone, and it breaks my heart.

And I think a big part of Lucien's fall also stems from just how much self loathing and disgust he wallowed in, how he clings so desperately to the idea he has this "glint." That he was meant for bigger, better things, that he's somehow fated for so much more--that there's an escape from his painful, bloodstained past in Shadycreek. I think Beau really struck a nerve when she asked, "Do you think you're special, Lucien? I mean, someone who wakes up every day, and thinks they're different, blessed." Because god, he wants to be. He wants to be someone capable and powerful and worthy, craves it more than anything, even as he keeps running away.

He holds onto a stack of letters from his sister that he absolutely treasures, yet he doesn't dare answer any of them--too paralyzed with fear at what she'd think, terrified she'd see the person he'd become. He thinks he's not good enough to go back to her, has nothing at all to offer her. And I think that's part of why he bought into the Somnovem so quickly; he was desperate for a way out. A chance to be more. He needs to have this glint Cree mentioned, because then there's still hope. He can still be someone fortunate enough to take care of his sister, to get them away from Shadycreek forever. He can still be one of the heroes in the little plays he used to perform. He can still change his fate. And, most tempting of all, he can bring his family back.

And it's so sad that his self-depreciation and guilt started so young, that even as a child, he was tormented by all the atrocities his parents forced him to be complicit in. Until Lucien couldn't bear what they'd turned him into anymore, and he makes sure they can't hurt anyone else ever again. "After a while I couldn't let it go on, couldn't look at myself or live with myself, so I burned the caravan with all three of them inside, took my sister, and that was that...No more little songs. No more farces."

Mollymauk is fascinating, because he's another facet of Lucien. He was born from the very same soul. So in one sense, I think Molly reconnecting with Lucien is so beautiful, because it really does feel like a kind of self love and acceptance. But in another way, I think they're almost like family too. It really struck me that Kingsley called Molly a "brother;" just the way that he said, "Everyone should have a brother." It's such a sweet sentiment, especially considering that Lucien had a brother--someone he lost so long ago.

A corpse left buried in the snow. An empty puppet. A hollow, ghastly reminder of the person he once knew. Lucien had a brother, and they were killed, their body desecrated by their own parents. He had a sister, who he was willing to sacrifice everything for, and it still wasn't enough. In the end, even she doesn't trust him anymore, and he's entirely alone. So then here's Molly, and he does the one thing that Aldreda and the rest of his family never did. He decides to stay with Lucien. To reach a hand to him when he needs it the most.

In many ways, Molly is the family that Lucien always wished for. Ironically? If they actually were siblings, I think Lucien would've been very protective of him. Even as things are, Lucien still starts to grow a bit fond of Mollymauk in spite of himself. Starts to slowly regret the life he'd taken from him, as loathe as he is to admit it. "Nothing about this has been easy, and our hard work is at an end. Our chats have been...edifying. Goodbye, Tealeaf. You won't survive where I'm going."

I do think the end of the novel really did reassure me about a lot of why I found C2 heartbreaking, because I like that Molly and Lucien both decided to come back together. That it was a choice they both made, and they both live on as Kingsley. It's Molly getting another chance and yet deciding to bring Lucien back with him, because Molly thinks he deserves it too. It's neither of them being alone. It's both of them returning to the Nein, hand in hand, and deciding to try again--

[beeholyshit]

You know you can't keep keeping secrets from your mom, she will eventually find out kid

[poopiefart420]

My fave pair of doomed siblings

[mymarifae]

i don't want to post here today can you guys just watch aventurine bidding farewell to his past self

[s0fter-sin]

youth by daughter is 09 soap in mw3, bitter and defeated after losing ghost, talking to 22 soap who’s so hopeful and secretly in love with his lieutenant

[mishapen-dear]

no but im thinking about how 4halo could be together while keeping their dynamic intact. forever asks bad on a date and bad is like yeah :D friendship date. several dates later bad's the one to propose and he says "will you merry me" as in like. be merry with me. feel joy forever for we're together and we have 11 children aka all of the eggs we have forcefully adopted from the other parents and i dont know what life would be like without you. you changed my life for the better. besties 4evar, forever

[skullsemi]

Just wanted to say my daughter saw your Goofy picture and was so happy! (She's 3) Your work is great!

THAT'S SO CUTE! Oh my goodness that's the sweetest thing ever! Thank you so much for telling me, I'm so happy you both liked it! ❤️❤️