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#my irls will never know of this acc
zana-art · 1 year
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a scene from The Courage of Stars by @hella1975
idk why its so dark but u may need to turn brightness up to see it
[ID: a semi-realistic digital portrait of yue and suki from atla. they’re facing each other, faces close, looking each other in the eyes. suki is wearing her kyoshi warrior outfit and yue a parka. behind them, the stars and the full moon shine through a circular window. /end ID] (ID by @maileesque <3)
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wildlyfreemoon · 22 days
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NON COMMITTAL QUESTION what do my followers (all 21 of you, including bots I’m sure) think about me posting fics?
Idk I’ve been watching twd (as is clear bc it’s the only thing I post ab rn) and daryl…
Lowkey I have a couple ideas already… it’s just I don’t want ppl who follow me to feel weird ab me posting fics? Idk if that makes sense. Like I don’t THINK ppl will have problems with it (this is literally tumblr) maybe I’m just insecure about my own abilities/ideas…
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shokupanda · 3 months
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honestly when you followed me I was kinda shocked because your art style looks like something that would be extremely popular and I feel like you would have 10k followers I hope you become extremely popular some day
adsfhsdufhsdiofso thats so nice of you to say. no need to be shocked tho as i am just some guy. i think i only have like 200ish followers. maybe some day ill get there sdfjksdsfd
im taking a graphic design degree and let me tell you that my style does not translate well into live drawing and traditional realism watercolor paintings; impostor syndrome hits hard when all my classmates draw majestic riot games splash art type stuff
but reading nice comments abt my art on tumblr really helps a lot for when i get in a slump so i am very appreciative of them. i know i havent said much abt em but i really genuinely appreciate em so much jdskksd
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anywho yeah again thats very nice of you to say thamkye very much <33 !!! sorry for rambling ksfjdsd
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bakatenshii · 1 year
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Hiya! I love your writing and ive been following your blog for a couple of years now (2-3 I think) and I just wanted to say how much I appreciate and adore your writing! Thank you so much for all you’ve written! Ive not been on tumblr much the past few months, and I’ve found that many of my favourite writers are leaving and deactivating their accounts, which is such a pity although completely understandable! Tumblr can be a pretty sucky platform for writers unfortunately :/ anyways I just wanted to thank you for your writing, it’s absolutely gorgeous and your style inspirational! I hope you keep writing, on or off tumblr, as you truly have a gorgeous and unique style! Thank you so much for all your contributions and I hope you’re having a lovely day!!
NONNIEEEEE oh my god oh my god hi hello I am going to sob first and foremost so im gonna get all snotty all over this ask wozooqjzlaozo but thank you so much? genuinely genuinely this means more than u can imagine and I aaAAAAA (being off tumblr and on and off writing ((mostly off oop)) really shows via my decline of the eng language clearly HAHAHA I can’t even articulate properly)
THANK U FOR BEING HERE FOR SO LONG?? AND REMEMBERING ME?? AND JUST. IT FEELS LIKE COMING HOME AND THEN SEEING ALL MY OLD FRIENDS AND THE NOSTALGIA IS A LIL NUCLEAR AND IM JUST SO EMOTIONAAAAAAL AAAAAA
Thank YOUUU for being on here and reading and being so so so lovely to me AND ALSO. im gonna go hide in the tags actually but I owe u my life I am kissing all ur fingers nd toes and maybe lips I’m infinitely happy that ur still here after all this time on this platform, I hope u are having the best day (and the best past few years whilst I’ve been mia <333)
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autistic-katara · 1 year
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can i dm any of use abt smtjn mildly specific but completely unserious?
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hella1975 · 2 years
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Hi hella! I love love your writing and have done so for years and liked your posts but above all else I am a social media lurker at heart. But I wanted to tell you that following you for so long I’ve seen you go off to college and strike out on your own. Your self reflection and how you move through your life is so inspiring. I feel like your proud distant auntie sometimes cheering you on from afar. Growing up and going through school and into your adulthood is so confusing and frustrating and depressing sometimes but I’m a bit on the other side now and can tell you you’re doing so well. Absolutely killing it and it’s a privilege to read about. Your openness often has me reflect on my own life! I appreciate you bestie 🫶
reading this was genuinely so emotional BESTIE WHAT THE HELL
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#IN THE BEST WAY POSSIBLE I PROMISE I MEAN THIS IN THE MOST POSITIVE OF WAYS#because it just made me really reflective ig? like so much of my life and so many of my issues surround this huge isolation#either ive been made to feel isolated or ive used isolation as a coping mechanism or even that i romanticised my own capacity for it#but regardless i have a really rigid acceptance that im on my own through life#and as a kid that was terrifying and was probably what got me in my head so much#like staring at the enormity of it all and going 'i am alone. i am a singular vessel whose intricacies are inaccessible to anyone else'#and that is TERRIFYING. and yes while it will always be true to an extent ive realised it doesnt have to be entirely#you can share yourself with others and find love in that and friendships and it's taken me years but this year more than any#i feel like ive finally come out of a very long dark tunnel and no one else around me has any idea that any of this is a big deal to me#bc they never had any idea what i was going through#but like?? at some point or another you guys started tagging along and i overshared a shit ton lmao#and a lot of you have been here for YEARS and like. wtf you're RIGHT ive taken you guys along with me for everything#my sexuality crisis my writing journey getting a new job starting uni going into second year making and losing friendships#testing out romance listening to music watching new shows. like every part of myself that's too small and silly to share irl is something#i tell you guys without a second thought like i started this when i was SEVENTEEN and now im twenty you guys have acc watched me grow#im so emotional over this esp bc lately ive focussed mainly on the DOWNSIDES of me being online in these years#idk i needed this more than you know bestie tysm for sticking by my side and same for the rest of you <3 ily ily ily#ask
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ravs6709 · 1 year
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This book is stressing me out omg
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sugaroto · 2 years
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I'm officially More famous on Tumblr than on Instagram 💁‍♀️
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Hello People 👋 👋
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incaustum · 5 days
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I don’t know how to explain to the people in my life that I’m just fucking sad most the time and that there’s no root cause of it lol every time I’m asked if I’m okay my brain flatlines because like no, I’m not, but there is no real reason for it and there is no possible way you could help and I’m sorry I’m fucking weird about it and can’t talk about it properly, ya know??
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anaalnathrakhs · 6 months
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honest to god im this close to jerking it to the singular praising sentence my economics teacher left on my notes report last year, that's how i know it's getting bad
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tmpttion · 1 year
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i want to try to do an art collab
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sunboki · 1 year
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— WHEN THINGS WERE SIMPLE a Lee Minho fiction
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⭐️ : Lee Minho(Leeknow) x fem. reader
TROPE. school romance, 90’s romance, bestfriends to lovers, online au, strangers to lovers, highschool au, small town au
WORD COUNT. 7.7k ☆ 37 minute read
WARNINGS. light cursing, deep conversation, two teenagers being madly in love(lmao), bankruptcy, anonymous online chatting between strangers — this is in no way recommending anyone to join anonymous chat rooms nor meet up with strangers irl!
AUG'S NOTES. this fic was heavily inspired by “Twenty Five Twenty One” (one of my favorite kdrama!!) and was based around the 90’s when today’s technology was just beginning, i hope you find this piece to your satisfaction! if so, please leave some feedback, thanks :)
PLAYLIST.
SYNOPSIS. Lee Minho, the newest resident in your small town, has already established a reputation as the Class President despite moving only a week ago. You, on the other hand, don’t really see the appeal, or maybe your schedule is too jam-packed to consider the prospect of boys. In the meantime, you join an anonymous chat room with this so-called "lino98," and eventually, the stranger recommends that you meet holding a yellow tulip and wait- is that who you think it is? 
or alternatively :
Whoever you’ve been talking to in that chat room was definitely not who you thought would be standing in Marronnier Park with a yellow tulip in hand.
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1999.
“Hey! The sign says no throwing!” You scold, rushing to fix the arm to the statue as the tires on the boy’s bike screech to a halt.
And suddenly, it feels like everything’s in slow motion when the perfectly kept head of brown hair swivels back to face you, sharp jawline and piercing eyes belonging to a model-looking stranger you’d never seen before.
Thursday morning was when you first met Minho. Although, you didn’t know his name then, nor that this interaction-the daily magazine breaking your statue’s arm-would change your life.
.
.
.
His expression drops, looking rather bored despite your obviously frazzled (and flustered) state.
“How much?” The bewilderingly attractive boy asks, and it takes you a moment to register what he said, repeatedly glancing from the statue back to him like he was speaking a foreign language.
“It’s.. It’s priceless.” You huff, regarding the stranger with a hard glare as if he’d broken some holy vase or something.
He didn’t.
In fact, the only reason you felt so worked up was because once your parents saw the statue, you’d be grounded in an instant. You, on the other hand, could care less about the stupid piece of marble.
Something about his gaze sets you off, not to mention when he flashes a cheeky grin screaming nothing but trouble.
“Is that so? Then I guess it’s especially priceless now, huh.” He shrugged, kicking the kickstand up and hiking his leg over the seat.
You freeze in your spot, equally stunned with both shock and confusion.
Huh? Where is he going.
Is this guy serious!?
“What’re you- hold on- you can’t just leave!” Racing after him while he positively sped ahead of you on bike, you endlessly shout, slowing down to a halt after a few minutes to watch his silhouette disappear below the winding road traveling down to the village.
Hunched over to catch your breath, you mumble silent curses, dragging heavy footsteps up the small arrangement of stairs to try hiding the broken part behind the statue the best you can.
Brushing off your clothes and adjusting the straps to your bag, you start down the same way he left, stomping and groveling in your misery similar to that of a child denied their favorite toy. It’s quite a sight.
Tomorrow, you’ll give that attractive-Mail-Boy-whose-name-unknown a piece of your mind. You’re sure of it.
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Entering the classroom, the first thing piquing your ears wasn’t Soyeon and Hyomin’s daily bickering match about the most random topics (the two you and Yuqi are certain are going to marry one day), but hushed whispering amongst each other.
So, accepting your role as a certified nosy person, you crouch across Yuqi’s desk, craning to make out her way-too-fast-to-be-normal conversation with Rei.
“Psst, Rei, what’s going on?” Blabbering on about whatever the school had been gossiping about, the girl swiftly turned to you, face alight with excitement.
“Have you seen the new guy? He’s an actor, I’m sure of it!”
…Of course. You should’ve known.
Nothing would have Taeyang High School falling over itself faster than a new handsome face.
How disappointing.
Not that you don’t appreciate a good looking person when you see one, but seriously, it could’ve been the upcoming volume of Full House or a class barbecue, something you deemed much more swoon worthy than a boy.
Yet, the transfer student who opened the door mere seconds later looked eerily familiar.
The Mail boy who mutilated your statue this morning is standing there, or are your eyes playing tricks on you? Maybe you’re sleeping at home and this is all a dream. Please be a dream please be a dream please be a dream- Ow!
Pinching yourself did hurt , you were awake, and it was Mail Boy at the front of the class introducing himself.
This week was already off to a great start.
Snapping out of your nightmare to notice him walking in your direction past giggling, lovestruck students to find a seat, you frantically shield either side of your face with your hands. Behind you, Han Jisung, your second best friend to Yuqi, cocks a brow as the boy fortunately takes a seat two rows ahead of you.
It feels like your heart is thundering in your chest with every breath you take, shaking your skull with it’s deafening beating. Any second now he could turn around, and you don’t know why, but the thought of that critiquing stare landing on you again gives you incessant goosebumps.
Sitting through homeroom has never been so suffocating-ly awful, and Jisung can tell when he comes over after class ends, plopping backwards in the chair in front of you to wince at the face you’re pulling.
“I’m cursed, Jisung—“ You childishly squirm, flopping around like some self-acclaimed grub.
Your classmate huffs a humorless chuckle, helping fix a messy strand of your hair before raising from his spot.
“Don’t worry, It’ll only get worse from here. ‘Want a Banana milk?”
Shitty Han Jisung and his shitty personality. Way to lift your spirits, asshole.
“You suck.”
“Two Banana milks it is!” He slaps the wood surface of your desk, breaking into an unaffected smile while hurrying off to the vending machines. Perhaps you’ll just mope till next class, brainstorm the easiest way to glue your statue back together and leave the country while you’re at it.
Abruptly, the minimal view of the classroom from where your head’s wedged between your arms is invaded by a green color, slowly peeking out only to be met with dollar bills waved in front of your face.
Now this had to be a dream. Han Jisung is never fast when it comes to vending machines, usually ogling at options the latest one installed in the cafeteria offers.
Also, for the record, he’s dirt poor like most of the students here.
“Fifty dollars for the damage.”
Damn it!
Still not a dream, because the crisp cash held out to you is none other than Mail Boys’ (a.k.a. Minho’s), staring down at you like you were some insect scurrying near his polished shoes... Or maybe that’s your interpretation of how he’s looking at you.
“This should cover any fees for fixing the statue, I don’t want to deal with you hunting me down every morning when I pass by.” He grumbles, patting the money next to your hand.
You gawk, amazed that he considered at all. What left you more amazed? How he had this amount of money in the first place as a student. Applying for a delivery job may not be so bad after all. That or he does own polished shoes, fancy clothes and a suit with his picture-ready hair and all.
He might as well scream in everyone’s face that he’s rich waving those dollar bills around.
“Keep it. It’s already bad enough it’s broken but it’ll be worse if I have money. Unlike you, I pride myself in being poor.”
There’s that terrifying, critiquing stink-eye again.
“..but my parents don’t, and they would think I stole something.” You quietly add, and Minho almost snorts, appearing to be having a difficult time withholding his bubbling laugh.
Before he can respond though, Jisung steps through the door, stopping in his tracks upon noticing what's going on, beverages in hand.
Noticing the elephant in the room, Minho slides the money closer your way and walks out, leaving you with awkward silence, fifty dollars, and too many questions.
Well, until both Banana milks slam down and your friend snatches the bills with a loud gasp, boba eyes round as saucers.
“Holy shit! I haven’t seen fifty dollars in like, four years. Is that Minho guy your secret boyfriend? Was that why you were acting so weird earlier?”
Not helping with the too many questions part, Jisung. And a secret boyfriend? Does this guy even know you?
“Absolutely not,” You cross your arms, being sure he sees your excessive eye-roll. “He broke my statue.”
In those few seconds of silence you swore he went through at least eight phases of contemplation trying to figure out the context attached to what you said, deciding to just blankly squint till you spilled your guts.
“So you’re telling me,” He points his finger at some imaginary diagram on the desk, focus flickering in every direction trying to connect the dots. “That Mail Boy, no, Lee Minho, threw the newspaper, broke your statue and ran off? This morning?”
There’s a doubtful lilt to his voice while you hurriedly nod, praying the boy will believe you despite how insane it sounds—despite how insane it really was.
“And this isn’t because he’s attractive?”
You cough.
“I mean, he’s attractive, but-“Aha! Finally! A prospect! Looks like my lovely Y/n won’t die alone after all.” Jisung places an over dramatic hand over his heart and you open your mouth, ready to tell him off before the bell rings and all hope of earning any sympathy flies out the window.
Nonetheless, confessing your grievances to the ferociously blunt Yuqi and expecting the newest volume of Full House after school wasn't usually the highlight of your day, but you've come to accept anything away from Mail Boy should be counted as a highlight at this point.
Come to think of it, you haven’t seen the god forbidden statue-killer since morning class.
Eh. He’s probably massacring some more neighborhood statues. He seems like he’d have weird hobbies anyway.
“Sounds a bit like you’re into him if you ask me,” She chews her sandwich, and you might’ve thrown up in your mouth a little bit.
Absolutely not. Your education is far too important to be interrupted by this transfer student. Plus, he also seems uninterested in love, right? It works out .. totally.
“C’mon Yuqi, you know me. The only thing I’m into is good grades and college admission.” You slump against the bench, absentmindedly stealing a few grapes from the girl.
Seriously though, falling in love is not on your roster for high school. At least not for now.
Nope. Take it back. No love. None. Nope.
Yuqi gasping like someone stabbed her seems to pull you from your loophole headspace, grabbing your arm excitedly.
“Oh my gosh! Doesn’t Volume Eleven come out today?” She says, and you might’ve just ascended to heaven.
Ah. Forget good grades and college admission, you’re in love with Full House. Save the boys for later.
She didn’t need to say anymore, because in the blink of an eye you were full sprinting out the gates, mind trained on one thing and one thing only.
Practically singing to yourself with glee, you swing open the door of Myeongjin DVD store, calling out an equally singsong, “Sir— did you save the newest release for m-…”
Huh.
You know those scenes in movies where all the music stops and everything seems to just freeze? Yeah, this was one of those moments.
“Hm?” Is what he responds with.
What Lee Minho responds with, working behind the front desk sorting through rentals.
Come to think of it, this is the first time you’re calling him by his actual name and not Mail Boy.
Strange.
“Ah.. Ahem .. The new volume of Full House, is it saved for me?” You gradually pique, bouncing back and forth on your heels.
Things should be settled by now between you two after he paid you back and all, but you just couldn’t seem to shake the awkwardness compiling in your gut. Like this strange boy that showed up (literally) on your doorstep would get you into trouble.
Placing the book he’d been checking down, he picks up a bulletin board, finger scouring the titles before glancing at you.
“Full House? Nope, we’re all out.”
“Thanks- WHAT?! Look, you might not know, but I’m pretty much the owner’s daughter,” You explain matter-a-factly, cocking your brows expectantly. What kind of stunt you were pulling you didn’t know. Either way, you’d use the many years you lived here before him to the utmost advantage.
Turns out, you definitely should’ve remembered how Lee Minho earned his reputation in the first place.
“So sorry, he didn’t say anything about his beloved daughter paying a visit today.” The man in front of you leans forward, head tilted in a conniving manner.
What. A. Prick.
Jesus he looks good right now.
Opening your mouth to bite back, deja vú plows through like a bus when he cuts you off, light smirk gracing the edges of his lips. Mocking, like when you first met. Mocking.
“But, I’ll be sure to tell you when more are in stock. Deal?”
Oh how you want to beat his stupidly handsome face in.
“Deal.”
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Settling down into your chair and repeatedly clicking the cream colored mouse, you watch the blue background fill the screen along with the other person’s username.
Only on stressful nights would you log back into the anonymous chat rooms. Except today wasn’t necessarily stressful, more just leaving you in denial without Volume eleven in hand.
Somehow, these conversations were thrilling in their own, odd ways. Not knowing if the person is your best friend or your worst enemy made the experience all the more fun.
Recently, you'd begun chatting with Lino98, a kind person who apparently moved not too long ago. They gave you the best advice and would always joke around like friends while you talked about love, grades, and anything at all.
In a sense, they were your friend.
YOU: Lino98?
LINO98: Hm?
YOU: What do you want to do in the future? Now that we’re getting older, I’ve been thinking about it a lot
LINO98: Well that’s a random question
YOU: Shhh just answer
LINO98: Okay okay, mine is way out there and pretty unrealistic for a student, but
LINO98: I want to be a dancer
YOU: Wowー dancer? As in, dancing on stage?
LINO98: What else would a dancer do ㅎㅎ
YOU: You know what I mean!! But being a dancer is a good dream. You’ll have to work hard, but it’s your passion, so I shouldn’t be one to judge
LINO98: You’re sweet, saying that
YOU: Hey hey don’t get all sappy
LINO98: I mean it ㅋㅋㅋ
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You smile, fingers rapidly typing to keep up with the replies. They had a wild dream, sure, but Lino98 had their own aspirations, and you wondered if maybe in the future you’d see them on TV.
See them in real life. Now that was a thought. Heck, you didn’t even know if they were a boy or girl.
Oh god, what if Lino98 was one of your classmates? Worst case scenario it’d be Minho.
Although, that would never happen, the chances were too slim.
Too slim.. but not impossible. In fact, very much possible because no matter how small the chance is it could always become realit- “Y/n!”
You jump, reaching to turn off the old monitor.
There’s a shuffle outside of your door, the woman’s head peering in momentarily. You have an idea of what she's going to say next seeing you in front of the computer.
“You’d better not be on those chat rooms, I told you they’re dangerous. Also, could you run to the market? I’m missing bean sprouts.”
Bingo.
Patting the doorframe, she disappears once more.
You know she’s right. Sure it could pose a threat, but you’re a student, and adult things like being worried about safety could come later.
However, running into Mail Boy there could also come later, and you debated on turning around before he noticed you. That was, until you remembered the unfortunate errand you’d made the trip for in the first place.
.
.
The last person he expected to find at Ahyeon Market was you, looking equally as shocked with his appearance here as well. Still clad in uniform, he motions from his place on the outdoor bench, patting the spot next to him.
If gears could literally be seen turning in someone’s head he's certain he would have witnessed an entire mechanical process by now, rather amusedly analyzing your angel and devil conversation with cat-like observation.
“I don’t bite y’know,” Breaking the quiet lull, he clicks his tongue, earning a suspicious look.
“And how am I supposed to believe you.” Question rhetorical (he assumes), you approach him slowly, testing, like he’d pounce at one wrong move. The tempting urge to jump and scare you briefly crosses his mind.
“Because,” He bites back a grin. “Our Volume eleven pact, remember?”
Almost instantly, the tense atmosphere dissolves and you plop down beside him followed by hushed “Yeah, yeah”'s muttered under your breath. Barely twenty seconds pass though before you’re bolting to upward (and ironically scaring him instead), glancing left and right.
“I’ll get some Banana milk.” You bolt to the small fridge unit, lips focusedly pursed cashing in your coins.
Minho can’t help but smile to himself at your unbothered-ness, your easiness. You’re kind, not to mention brutally honest on occasions. It’s reassuring being around you, like he doesn’t have to worry about anything. Like, in some sense, his youth is returning to him. Piece by piece.
“Here.” Your voice has his head swiveling, holding a small cartridge for him to take.
“So.. Why’d you transfer here?”
He stares at the drink for a while, though your eyes never stray from his, observing him contemplating, thinking. Cat-like, you agree. Minho greatly resembles a feline.
“You like this stuff, huh.”
“Jisung got me hooked on it, you don’t want it?” Knitting your brows and greedily pulling the drink to yourself, he’s quick to reach forward, grabbing your hand in his.
You hesitate, both frantically searching each other's face before Minho snatches the Banana milk from you, tone suddenly doused in nervousness.
“No- I do, thanks.”
Liar. He hates Banana milk, but he’ll drink it. For you he will.
There’s that feeling again, blooming in his chest and warming up his entire body.
Weird.
It’s like he’s a three year old crushing on his classmate again, awkward and young. In love.
Anyone unlucky enough to witness this obvious pining deserves a written letter of apology.
“Mm..” You hum quietly, aggressively poking your straw through the paper lid.
Minho’s lips form a tight line, fixating on the rotation of his own straw as he aimlessly moves the drink in his hand from side to side.
“My family went bankrupt. That’s why I moved.”
Pausing your movement, you nod quickly and he feels a pang of guilt strike his chest. He shouldn’t have told you that, should’ve kept the comfort and ignored the question. Way to ruin it, jerk.
“What was your first impression of me?” Changing the subject, he clears his throat from the chilling air. So long for the summer heat.
“First impression?” You mimic, appearing deep in thought for a reason he couldn’t help but feel nervous about. Nervous for what, he couldn’t name.
There were lots of things he “couldn’t” when it came to you. It makes things interesting, makes you interesting. Life isn’t boring when with you, something he realizes the longer you accompany him, vice versa.
He can’t make sense of the feeling, ironically enough. Another “can’t”.
“Well, If you want me to be honest,” Glancing over at him from your earlier focus on a neon road sign, you lift your brows, awaiting his signal to go on.
“I thought you were cold, rude, not to mention a pain in the butt. Also, I’m not kidding when I say I was convinced you were a rich and spoiled brat-“ Rapid waving of his hands in front of you stops your train of thought.
“Are- are you being serious or just insulting me.” He interrupts, deadpanning while sending you a rather confused, nonsensical look.
“Dead serious. You wanted the truth after all.” You shrug your shoulders and Minho chokes a laugh, shaking his head in disbelief.
Unbelievable. Absolutely, unforgivably, unbelievable.
“And what about now?”
More thinking.
“You’re nice to be around, but still a pain in the butt.” Shuffling on the pavement, you pull your coat tighter around yourself, gaze flitting to the crack of smile pulling at the corners of his lips.
With the streetlights automatically turning on, without response, simply a soft look from the boy, he steps forward and wordlessly beckons for you to follow.
Walk home with me, an inaudible invitation, and you tag along accordingly.
He doesn’t want to go home, but he won’t tell you that. In fact, he dreads going home to a silent house. He won’t tell you that either.
Truth being, Minho hadn’t been this happy in ages, and being by you, talking to you, getting to know you and everything in between has brilliant shades of color decorating his black and white world. If only he could muster up the courage to tell you that.
“Shoot!”
Panickedly facing you, surprise lay evident on his usually unwavering features.
“I forgot bean sprouts! Hold on, I’ll be right back.” You pronounce, disappearing inside the Market with the boy right on your heels.
Arriving at the register, he places his wallet on the counter before you could fetch cash from your pocket. Turning to him, you poke an accusing finger against his chest, fixing your attractive friend with a hard stare.
“Minho, I told you rich people paying for poor people isn’t ‘nice’, it just makes us look pitiful.” You pout, and the boy resists the overbearing urge to coo not only from how unfairly adorable you look right now but hearing his name come out of your mouth for the first time as well.
Adorable. What was he thinking using a word like that anyway? He meant something else .. another, descriptive word for something cute… Nevermind.
“Think of it as me paying you back for the Banana Milk.” Giving in the tiniest bit, he lands a small nudge against your side, earning an equally playful shove back.
Laughter envelops the both of you, walking from the store with bean sprouts in clutch and pink hues decorating your cheeks whether from giggling or something else. Swinging the bag beside you, a fleeting thought of holding it for you crosses Minho’s mind. Should he? What if you say no and things become awkward again?
God, why is he complicating things so much recently. Just do it, Minho. It’s not that difficult.
“You know how much I gave the cashier for those drinks?”
Quickly pulling his hand away from where it reached for the plastic, his grimace becomes instantly replaced with feigned curiosity in hopes you didn’t notice.
Holding eye contact has never been difficult for Minho. In fact, he’s a pro at it …with everyone but you. So when you study him with those brilliant eyes, he can feel his ears burning bright red.
“Yeah? How much?” He mischievously replied, watching you light up.
You have a particular smile, the one that transforms your face so prettily, the one that makes his heart thunder in his chest. He really likes that smile.
“Ten dollars. Can you believe it? I could buy a mansion with that money.” You hum sarcastically, tumbling all over the sidewalk while being kindly beckoned away from the road by the concerned boy.
“Hey Minho?”
He turns to you.
“What do you wanna do when you grow up? Y’know, after High school and University.”
Opening his mouth to respond, he can’t help but find the question eerily familiar.
“Since I was a kid I wanted to be a Dancer. I actually auditioned a few days ago, but I probably won’t make it.” The dark haired man humorlessly laughs, actively avoiding your attention.
You frown, he doesn’t notice.
“You don’t know that. I don’t know what I want to do, but riding in a sports car sounds nice. It doesn’t have to be realistic, we’re young.”
There it is. This was the easiness he was thinking of, your unbothered-ness. All of the things he finds himself smiling about. The things he looks forward to dropping off your mail in the morning to see.
“..A sports car?”
Once comfortable silence interrupted by his snickering, you wack his arm for the nth time that night, sending him a faux glare.
“Oh look! It’s my stop!” You interject, hiking up the stairs to turn around and see him looking up at you, eyes crinkled with a small smile adorning his face.
“I’ll see you tomorrow! Goodnight, Minho.”
Minho thinks you're very, very cute.
“Goodnight, Y/n.”
Minho hopes you think he’s cute too.
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Days go by, some long, some short, with August feeling extremely drawn-out and uncomfortable—leaves gradually beginning to brown for autumn.
As for September, you’re still waiting for Volume eleven from Minho, incessantly dropping by the DVD store to annoy him into leaking some info about when the next batch will be shipped.
“It’ll be next week”, “It’ll be next week”, “It’ll be next week,” is what he always says every week until you’re quite certain next week has happened four times already.
On a different note other than your Full House dilemma and impending exams, Minho had been elected Class President, Soyeon and Hyomin are getting closer to officially dating (from you and Yuqi’s observations), and Jisung is currently keeping count of how many girls confess to Mail Boy each semester.
Don’t ask about the last one.
Expecting someone like Yuqi to be running up to you so early on your walk through the school gates, you blink twice to realize it’s Minho instead, something in hand and positively glowing with cheerfulness.
“Y/n!”
Spinning around, you mirror his overwhelming energy and narrowly dodge getting run over in the process.
“Guess what.” He grins, looking scarily enthusiastic compared to usual.
“What?” You ask, already lost in the way his caramel globes for eyes seem to practically sparkle.
“I got accepted! I’m going to be a trainee!” Shoving the acceptance paper in your face, you scream, covering your mouth in disbelief.
To say you both jumped is an understatement, basically frolicking around the courtyard like lunatics. Well, before you realized the entire jumping and frolicking thing and hurriedly returned to your normal, stiff high school selves.
“Also, the Full House shipment came in this morning.”
He’s kidding. You’re kidding.
Oh my god you could kiss him right now. Good thing you didn’t say that out loud.
Running as fast as you possibly could with the boy yelling for you to slow down, you mercilessly slam the door open, manically searching through boxes until the beloved, astounded, mystifying book rests peacefully in hand.
Heaven’s gates should’ve opened up by now.
Taking his sweet time as if this wasn’t one of the greatest moments in life, your counterpart casually strolls up to the register, appearing to check out the rental despite holding your precious book hostage after scanning the barcode.
“You don’t care about me making the cut, do you?” He pouts, lip pitifully jutting out.
Mouth left agape, you swiftly bite back what you’d planned to say about the deal, stumbling over sentences to find an excuse.
“I do! I swear! Now give me the book.. please?” Sporting the most genuine tone you could manage, you snatch the book he begrudging lowered down, hugging the prized possession close to your chest.
“Fine, liar.”
Yikes, talk about a grumpy face. He looked like a kicked puppy. You didn’t even think that expression was possible for Lee Minho.
However, you also didn’t think it was possible to feel sort of upset about it. Not his grumpy face, no, but him getting accepted. Wasn’t this a happy occasion? Volume eleven was released and finally in your possession and your friend was now going to be a trainee, now going to chase his dream of becoming a dancer.
So why did you feel sad walking back to school?
It felt wrong, you felt wrong, and the disgusting feeling only grew worse as the day went on. Heck, looking through pages and squealing with Yuqi—an activity that normally helped lift your spirits—didn't feel as reviving.
Later that day you asked him when he’d be leaving to train, leaving for Seoul, far from here. You dreaded the question, but at least it gave you time to prepare in a sense.
“January,” he replied, eating his apple as if it wasn’t the end of September, as if your heart wasn’t splintering into a billion tiny pieces.
Perhaps somewhere, hidden in his unaffected façade, he felt a tad bit upset like you did.
‘It doesn’t have to be realistic, we’re young.’ You recalled assuring him at Ahyeon Supermarket back in August, thinking it wasn’t going to be real, believing it wasn’t going to become reality.
If only you had known.
Adult things were climbing from the busy city into your small town. You weren’t ready.
So when life becomes increasingly overbearing, you log back in.
YOU: Today has been so draining.. I want to wake up and everything to be a dream
LINO98: Need to vent?
YOU: I thought you’d never ask ㅠㅠ
LINO98: Alright alright, go on
YOU: Well I have a friend, and he’s getting to do something he’s always wanted, but it means he’ll have to go away for a while and I can’t help but feel sad
LINO98: Feeling sad is normal, there’s nothing wrong with that
LINO98: It makes you feel like everything you’ve done with them was taken for granted, don’t you think?
YOU: That’s exactly what it’s like
YOU: If you're okay with it, could we meet up and talk? I mean, we’ve been talking for a while now and I just thought
LINO98: Would Marronnier Park work?
YOU: Didn't think you’d be so willing
LINO98: What can I say, we work well together
YOU: How will we find each other though?
LINO98: Hm.. theres that flower shop nearby, right? Bring a yellow tulip and I will too, good?
YOU: Tomorrow at noon?
LINO98: I’ll be there
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Yellow tulip, noon, tomorrow. You sigh a stretching grin, clicking the small exit button before flopping onto your bed.
Only downside of this would have to be your inability to sleep, mind unable to calm itself down as you lay awake. Tomorrow you meet Lino98, someone truly cherished for all their help and kindness.
Eyes slowly drifting closed, you can’t help but hope meeting them in real life will ease some of your troubles. Even just a tad.
Springing from bed that morning, you make your daily stop at Myeongjin DVD store, attempting to drag Minho outside to grab dessert with you while he complains of having plans.
You grumble, growling to him you’ll enjoy the sweet treat more by yourself, his saccharine farewell fading into the distance as you close the door behind you.
Luckily, there wasn’t anything that could truly damage your happiness today(despite really wanting to get desserts with Minho) while picking up a yellow tulip on your way to the meeting location.
Gosh, your stomach was doing backflips right now.
Locating the park’s sign, you stopped and patted yourself down for a moment.
Alright. Now time to start guessing. Would they be a girl? Be a boy? Maybe they’d be Yuqi. That would be hysterical. You mean, you’re soulmates at this point, it’d make plenty of sense.
Venturing inside, you shuffle between people in search of the same flower being in someone else’s grip till finally spotting it, hidden between two people in front of you.
If they would just scoot over a little bit.. there! Now you can see ...them.
Oh.
Making eye contact, you watch them realize, beginning to back up.
You don’t know why you run away, you don’t know why your legs won’t stop and why the person keeps calling out behind you.
Funny that the slim chance you mentioned turned out to be true.
Today you met Lino98, someone you'd truly cherished for all their help and kindness prior to learning who they were.
Today you met Lino98 at Marrionner Park holding a yellow tulip, but the person in front of you was Lee Minho, flower in hand and staring directly back at you.
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December gradually rolls around, and usually you’re ecstatic seeing all the lights and festivals Taeyang High hosts as Christmas and new years approaches, especially with next year marking a new millennium.
After the news of Minho’s departure though, it’s hard enjoying the holidays knowing he’ll be leaving only a week or so into January.
No. You should soak up your last month or so. This is the most important part, you can’t be miserable when he hasn’t even left yet.
Despite how badly you want to see him all the time, nothing came easy with his identity revealed.
You weren’t angry nor embarrassed. And initially, you didn’t feel anything, you just stared at him across the park, wondering if all of these coincidences were dreams, your loneliness causing hallucinations of a sort.
Regarding the running away part, that was more of a “need to get my thoughts together” reflex, a desperate and last resort you now deeply regretted holed up in your room with Yuqi’s voice ringing through the home phone.
Yes, you’d like to say you dealt with the matter like a responsible almost-adult.
You didn’t.
“Yuqi… I’m ruining my own life and I can’t do anything to stop it..” You hiccup, loud sobs echoing through the empty household.
She clicks her tongue, once patient and understanding persona instantaneously snapping.
“Yah!” The girl shouts, and you flinch on the other side of the line. “Keep saying stuff like that and you really will ruin your own life! I know no one warned you that falling in love with him would be like this, but seriously, I am not letting you waste this last month avoiding each other!!”
In spite of her reprimanding you, her intentions are clearly aimed towards wanting the best for the both of you, and you know you should be grateful in return.
“I’m not in love with.. My god I am in love with him, what do I do—“ You drag out, dissolving into more cries.
It’s true, both her point and the fact that you’re unabashedly in love with him. All of it. From first meeting him, avoiding him, making up, becoming close and convincing yourself you weren’t looking for a relationship, and now avoiding him again. You’ve always had that feeling, that lingering affection teetering back and forth between the line of friends and lovers.
Although, your friend’s sigh suddenly gets cut off by another person, and you briefly wonder if her younger brother took it before making out the name Yuqi yelled in the distance.
“Yeesh you sound ugly when you cry.”
Is that.. Jisung?
“Han Jisung, give me back the phone!”
Jisung over at Yuqi’s house. Weird.
“Just one seconds this is important~” He whines, and from the sounds of it is also currently running away from what you assume to be a raging Yuqi.
“Okay so Yuqi, Soyeon, Hyomin and I are planning the craziest new years bash ev-“HAN JISUNG!” Phone finally finding its way back to the original holder, you can hear sly giggles echoing in the background.
She audibly groans and you can easily imagine her hands threading through long blonde locks of hair, probably visibly resisting the urge to bury her companion. You can’t help but smile.
Just so you know, only Jisung and I are here so don’t worry about the public humiliatio- aw shit there's thirty seconds left on the call- anyways, be sure to stop by my place on the 31st, we have a surprise for you!” Time limit ending without another word, you take the time to connect the dots with Jisung’s “new years bash” and Yuqi’s “surprise”, to expect a small party of some kind.
With those two arranging it, you don’t know what to expect.
Why not? The reasons to say no are basically nonexistent.
Christmas break officially starting, students clambering from school grounds, and your daily “avoiding Minho” schedule on hold now that you’re out till the end of January, the anticipation of this upcoming party creeps closer. That, and how you plan to talk to Minho.
You aren’t stupid, and you didn’t ignore what Yuqi had said about avoiding each other either, fully aware of how essential coming to terms was for the sake of your friendship, and at least for you, for the sake of your love too.
The real question was when, something you’re still trying to figure out on the 30th of December. Way to procrastinate.
Before tonight you’d never hesitated talking to Lino98 (Minho), deleting your message at least a dozen times before clicking the send button and preparing to hide under your comforter for the rest of the night. Keyword: preparing. Because when you anxiously peered between your fingers to see a response beneath your message, you might have just jumped out of your skin.
YOU: Hey, can we talk?
LINO98: I thought you’d never ask
YOU: About meeting up.. I want you to know I’m really not mad at you
LINO98: You can be honest, Y/n
YOU: I am, promise
YOU: It’s so much easier talking online than in person, but I really want to see you
LINO98: Same, but I doubt I’ll be able to say the same things in person
YOU: I think that’s something we can both agree on
LINO98: Hm
YOU: I’m busy tomorrow, but maybe the next day?
LINO98: Seems we still work well together
YOU: Don't say that, I’ll get PTSD..
LINO98: Sorry sorry ㅜㅜ
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Little did you know you were both busy doing the same thing after nobody mentioned Minho would be at the party as well, too stunned to speak seeing him sit around the enormous pile of snacks and drinks laying in the middle of the floor.
However, you found it in yourself, not only because of the minimal time you had left but also because of your conversation last night, to move past the tension.
Like adults.
What a bizarre phrase coming from you.
And it looked as if he felt the same too.
Lively conversation filled up the small space, and six kids, six adults, sat around an army of junk food and held a pitiful excuse for a party while using this time together to forget, if just for a moment, about life outside the room.
You couldn’t have had more fun talking and catching up, not to mention the curdling screaming when Hyomin and Soyeon announced that they were officially dating, bouncing around whilst stuck in Yuqi’s bone-crushing hug of delight.
The clock ticked on the wall, and after hours of bringing back old memories and suggesting new ones, a few attendees began to slip away, gradually leaving only you, Minho, and Yuqi to occupy her living room.
She yawned beside you, half-lidded eyes making her sleepiness rather apparent. Patting your shoulder, the girl rose up, trudging toward the door.
“Alright I’m tapping out, see you guys next year.” She quietly mused and you cracked a sarcastic laugh, both wishing her good night before the sound of the knob clicked shut behind her.
It’s just you two now, watching the live broadcast in a numbing peacefulness. It stays like that for a long time, basking in the presence you’d been deprived of after that fateful day.
You stifle a chuckle.
“It wasn’t my intention to fall in love with you, but I guess I couldn’t help it.” You wistfully smile, back leaning against the wall clad in your heavy sweater and socks.
You hear him take a deep breath.
“I could say the same,” He whispers, eyes trained on the celebration airing on TV. “I bet you were upset that I’m Lino98.”
You pull your knees closer to yourself, listening to the two minute warning the reporter announces.
The room once busied becomes quiet apart from television chatter and your hushed talking. In a few minutes it’ll be a new Millennium, the 2000’s.
You should feel happy, knowing you’ll graduate soon, knowing that a new year is beginning. You’ve tried, truly, but you can’t find it in yourself, not with the circumstances.
“I’m not upset. I was just being selfish because I didn’t want it to be any harder seeing you leave.”
The circumstances seem to steal everything away. Minho must know that much better than you do.
Except you have this moment right here, right now, that the circumstances haven’t taken away yet.
He utters a pained sound, a sound that feels like crying. You don’t dare say anything.
“Don’t people,” He stops, waiting for you to look to your right, look at him and his glossy eyes. You’ve never seen Minho emotional, and you wish you never had. It feels cruel. Immeasurably cruel.
“As I speak, we have ten seconds till 2000.”
He opens his mouth again.
“Kiss on new years?”
You can hear the countdown begin.
“Ten!”
Minho has a wistful smile, dancing from your eyes to your lips.
“Nine!”
Should you take the chance?
“Eight!”
Will this hurt you?
“Seven!”
Haven’t you been hurting enough?
“Six!”
He’s leaving in a few days.
“Five!”
It’s now or never.
“Four!”
You lean forward, lips softly connecting with his. They’re soft, his lips, and he angles your head from side to side with a gentle touch, palms enveloping your cheeks, holding you close. Your skin feels like it’s on fire. Everything feels like it’s on fire. Ferociously alight and blazing.
“Three!”
He whispers something between your lips, you can’t hear it.
“Two!”
Partially, you feel grateful you couldn’t.
“One!”
Fireworks burst in your peripheral, littering the screen with a bountiful assortment of lights and cheers.
The new year had begun, and so had a different chapter in everyone’s lives. Both your classmates, and especially yours and Minho’s.
“Let’s welcome the year 2000!”
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2000.
LINO98: Don’t get too excited, but I’m outside your house, come quick
YOU: Didn’t we see each other yesterday?
LINO98: Are you saying you’d rather stay in? I thought you loved me
YOU: Fine you big baby, but I’m going back to sleep after this
LINO98: Sounds good to me〜
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You groan, dragging yourself out of your covers at the speed of a turtle to organize the unruly chaos ensuing in your disheveled hair and pull on your shoes.
In all honesty, you can’t even remember how you got home last night, only recalling that Minho tasted like Coca cola and that you had a roaring headache.
Minho tasted like Coca cola. You kissed Minho.
Wow.
Maybe the adrenaline had taken over last night considering how your face erupted red merely thinking about it the next morning.
A honk sounds outside and you jump slightly, mind sifting through ideas of what exactly the boy had gotten himself into this time. With Han Jisung’s influence yesterday, you wouldn’t be surprised if he was in a fancy sports car or something.
Scratch that, he was in a fancy sports car, and you had to blink repeatedly to check if you were awake.
Did he have a license? Wait, nevermind, since when did he own a car?
“What is this, you may ask?” He gestures to the bright red convertible Mustang, tipping down the sunglasses perched on his nose with a cock of his brow. “Well, since I‘m getting to do what I wanted when I got older, I thought it was only fair you got to do what you wanted to too. Sports car, right? Hop in.”
Oh. My. God.
You just keep falling in love with Minho over and over again.
Breathing a laugh of disbelief, shock, and every other emotion making a pit stop while standing in your pajamas, you cross your arms, sending him a suspicious stare.
“And might I ask how you got your hands on this thing?” Smile threatening to appear, you stave down the urge, struggling to maintain your unconvinced poise under his watchful eye.
“Let’s just say I know a friend who knows a friend-“Y/n! What happened to our statue?!” Your mothers shouts from up the stairs and you practically leap into the passenger seat, frantically urging him to step on the gas.
“Only took her a few months,” Your personal driver huffs amusedly, quickly putting the vehicle in reverse to flee the scene. Ah.. You’re not looking forward to the trip home.
Luckily, you’re not home, and you hope you won’t be for a while. Instead, you’re driving through side roads with Minho and his stupidly attractive sunglass-clad self, and it feels like you’ve just started high school again.
Minutes pass, maybe hours. You wouldn’t have been able to tell, too caught up enjoying it. The sights, the smells, the sounds, all of it. Enjoying everything.
Slowing down to pull into a small alcove overlooking the ocean, the boy leans his seat back and you do the same, warm sun baking down on the dark interior. You reach a hand forward, fingers tangling with his.
“Can we stay like this forever?”
He smiles.
“Forever it is.”
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2009.
Scooting the metal chair to the side, Minho takes a seat, adjusting the collar of his shirt that earns a few screams here and there alongside the merciless flash of camera shutters swarming in every direction. Today marks his first fansign as a group, as a member of Stray Kids by the stage name Lee Know.
Exhilarating, perhaps. Terrifying, also perhaps.
Initially, he was anxious, worried he’d come off as cold and rigid followed by the other lovely assortment of offensive adjectives you used to describe him standing outside of school that day in August.
Life was different then, just as it is now. Although, he’s not unhappy with how things turned out, nor how life changed since high school.
Tonight you’d text him (like you did every night since he first left) about the fansign, asking if he found anyone cute (the answer would always be you) and telling him about your day, your changed life.
He’d listen, give his most-always teasing input, smile at your equally teasing retort and tell you to eat well and take care of yourself.
“Good morning Minho— ah, wait, I should call you Lee Know now, shouldn’t I?”
A voice stirs from in front of him and he’s certain he’s officially going insane. But no, it does belong to you, in the flesh, mesmerizing eyes disappearing as you grinned while plopping down onto the stool below.
“Do me a favor and act really obsessed with me for a minute, I want to make your fans jealous,” You giggle, leaning closer to whisper the petty request.
In the midst of his shock he scoffs, appearing profusely offended.
“And you still suck at introductions. Not even a congratulations, ouch.” The brown-haired now-Idol frowns, behaving more like a child than ever before.
His status as a normal person might’ve developed (Minho was never a normal person), but he still retained the maturity of a twelve year old.
“Oh, dearest apologies my beloved Lee Know.” Basically gagging, you balance your chin on your hand, once teasing expression replaced with a smile that makes his heart downright ache.
“Congratulations on becoming a dancer, Minho. I missed you.”
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sunboki, may 2022 ©
FIC TAGLIST. @dorisnumber1fan @mal-lunar-28 @httphans @virluna148 @bettybeako @grannyindehouse @minhaurloml @ylixbok @inkelea @luna585 @hyunbae-35
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WIBTA if I followed someone's fandom acc when I know her irl?
I'm trying not to be too detailed cuz she's on this hellsite
I made an acquaintance in uni like a year ago. we never spoke much cuz i dropped out n moved away. I have her number and we spoke a few times but we never hung out or anything. what I know is that she's an artist just like me and we share some fandoms, and she seems pretty cool
well the other day I found her fandom acc on here. she never told me about it, I recognized the art style and based on some info she shared I'm 100% sure it's her
I'd love to be mutuals and even become friends but I worry following her would be crossing a boundary. I think it'd be worse to not tell her we know each other, so following her = telling her who I am in this case
why I might be TA: my fandom acc is very personal and I wouldn't share it with irl people, in particular if I don't know them well. so if I were in her place I might be weirded out or even worried depending on the person. and it's not like we're close in the first place. I'm willing to back off and let her block me if she's uncomfortable, but I dunno I just don't want to make her acc a place she feels unsafe in!
WIBTA?
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binnieceo · 11 days
Text
Hello, kind strangers on the internet!
Oh, wow! Discord drama, huh? I never thought I'd be in the center of it all. Well, since she has shared her side of the story, it's only fair that I share mine.
So, if you aren't chronically online, allow me to explain: A teenager by the name of Tori (or Six) is accusing me of grooming her which is SO far from the truth that it is not even in the same plane of existence as the truth to begin with.
Some screenshots have been lost to time and I only have word of mouth to back me up, so you guys will have to just believe my (and others') words.
"Why?"
I don't screenshot every person and conversation I have. Tori keeps changing her profile, aliases, etc, so the things she's said and done a year ago have been lost.
Certain servers were deleted. Most of the bad stuff Tori said was on a server I made (which I will get into later) that was also later deleted. I only have a few screenshots from the server and most of them are EXTREMELY pixelated and low quality, so I'm sorry about that.
Most of our interactions pre-discord were on Twitter. And not only was Twitter banned in my country, but both me and Tori deleted our accounts.
"Why did you delete your twitter??? Are you sus??"
No actually. I was just getting bombarded with negativity from Twitter so I deleted my acc for the sake of my mental health. Tori wiped her Twitter (idk how? maybe she used bots) because she said she wanted to repurpose her account into a study account, which is fine.
Okay, so, starting:
First things first, I was 17 when I first met Tori back in April 2023. But I think I was 16 when we first interacted, because I have memory of interacting with her in the HJ server before I had my birthday.
She proceeded to DM me on Discord and I scrolled through all our convos and there really isn't anything worth noting there. We didn't talk much in DMs at all. There is just friendly talks about how our day went and how much we appreciated each other, so I'm not gonna put any of those here, because they are irrelevant.
Tori, at the time, asked me to DM a friend of hers (who was in the HJ server) and tell her that she wanted to end the friendship. I was confused but also didn't know how to say "no" at the time, so I just did what she asked and she seemed happy.
At some point, we started talking about fanfiction. We didn't talk about anything bad, just how much Tori liked my work and enjoyed being my friend. Later, she gave me her Twitter @ and that was the first time I saw her posting about NSFW.
She re-tweeted and followed NUMEROUS NSFW artists/fanfic writers (mostly Tower of God and Kimetsu no Yaiba) and made her own posts talking about it, mostly about just how much she wanted to rape Gyuu (a KNY character). Again, I literally don't have access to Twitter anymore + Tori WIPED her account, so even if you follow her, you won't be able to find anything like this there.
I didn't think too much of this at the time. It was just fanfiction, nothing more, nothing less. And yeah did she tell me she was 17 and not 18? Yeah but like. Teenagers are going to teenage and interact with porn anyway so I was like "this is fine" (it wasn't)
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Then, at some point, someone in the HJ server brought up that they were 13 and I promptly banned them (the rules state that those below 16 cannot join). Which prompted Tori to send me the above message.
And this is where I made a grave mistake: I kept talking to her despite it all.
To be completely honest, I was feeling extremely awkward and confused when she first sent me that message, and just wanted to calm her down because I had the impression she was really shaken up by what happened.
"But why did you keep talking to her??"
I kept talking to her out of pity. She often vented to me and the others about how bad her life IRL was, how her friends irl treated her badly and how much she hated it all. I felt like I owed her my friendship because I was the one who messaged her ex-friend some time earlier, making her feel alone. So, I kept talking to her.
I'd also like to note that those were some of the last few messages we exchanged in DMs (the last were something abt Evangelion? I don't know what Evangelion is but she seemed obsessed with it at the time.)
Some time after this, me and Tori met my two best friends (whose names I edited out of the screenshots) and interacted on Twitter before moving to Discord (because Twitter DMs suck and Elon is a bitch)
And that Group Chat on Discord is where all of her screenshots come from. However, differently from what she made others believe, me and Tori didn't actually interact too much in that GC at all, and when we did, it was to talk about our lives/funny memes/Hand Jumper.
This is mostly due to time zone restraints. Tori studied in the morning/afternoon while I was at work, and when night fell (when she was active) I was in school and only came back home during midnight.
Did I talk about NSFW in the GC? Yeah, but Tori wasn't present when me and the others were talking about it, and she never replied or interacted with those messages so I never thought she even saw them. I was even surprised she took screenshots of our convos at all jhds
And also despite what she makes it look like, we didn't talk JUST about NSFW in the group chat, and I also never instigated them to talk about it. I actually had to scroll a LOT to find the conversations Tori mentioned. There are actually very few and far between who are buried below normal conversations and vents about our lives and interests.
The ones who usually started the NSFW convos were my two besties and Tori (when I was offline). Tori actually liked to send NSFW Tower of God (webtoon) fanfictions in the middle of normal conversations just to make the others acknowledge and talk about it.
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She also makes fun of me for asking for help with my smut fanfics, but Tori also asked US for help with her own TOG rapefic (I think it involved a blue haired boy and his uncle?) because she also wrote NSFW (and especially fic-threads on Twitter). I remember she sent me the google docs she wrote the rapefic on but I don't have access to it anymore because I don't save other people's google docs.
And now you might say:
"Wait! You are a proshipper?! You just lost all of your credibility!"
And to that I say: Yeah, I am a proshipper. Proshipper just means I don't tell people to kill themselves or harass them if they like a ship I don't. That's literally it.
And even if you still hate me for using that word and decides to side with Tori because of it, just know that she also calls herself a proshipper (she used to have this on her discord bio as well, but deleted it. This only exists in her tiktok now.) and STILL talks about/interacts with rapefics/incest fics. I'm inclined to believe that she also writes Dead Dove fics but publishes them under a different alias, but that's just speculation.
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So like, yeah. If you hate me for being a proshipper just know she is one too so like we're on equal ground here lmao.
Well, continuing.
At some point, Tori sent a long message in our group chat (screenshot below) saying she didn't feel comfortable talking about NSFW with us.
And you know what I did?
I... respected her boundaries.
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(I edited the pictures together because of Tumblr's image limit. I hope you can read them. If it is too pixelated I'll just reblog the post with the standalone pictures)
She didn't want to talk about NSFW/Dead Doves with us? That's okay. I understood that. It was also around that time I finally started coming to my senses and realized that it didn't matter if I had any good or bad intentions towards Tori, me talking about those things with her in the first place was a bad thing, and I shouldn't have done it.
Tori said she didn't want to lose our friendship or leave on bad terms, so I asked the other girls to censor all of their mature messages (not only NSFW stuff, but also just bad/sad stuff/news from irl news sources) so she could talk to us without being exposed to any type of bad things (because she was also venting a LOT to us at the time and said she wanted to forget the real world for a moment.)
I also made a Discord server with just me, Tori, and our two friends. The server doesn't exist anymore, as my friend deleted it, but I basically divided the server into two sections so we could talk about anything we wanted as a group without bothering/triggering Tori.
But...It was also in that server that Tori started saying extremely concerning things.
Not only did she become progressively mean with time, but she also said she and her sister PROUDLY doxxed someone, and she was RACIST towards my friend, saying that she, a (probably) white person had the RIGHT to call my friend the N word because she wasn't (in her words, not mine) "actually black". Just for context, this friend is BLASIAN (black and asian) so she was being racist AND xenophobic at the SAME TIME. (Sadly, neither me or said friend have the screenshots to prove it, only the memory of it. But all 3 of us can back this up because we saw the conversation happening.)
She also, somehow, found out the school address of another one of my friends AND their ZIP Code, and sent a google streetview picture of said friend's school saying that she didn't live "too far away" which scared the shit out of me and the other girls.
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I hope you can see the screenshots properly. I wasn't the one who took them, so they are pixelated.
Those are the screenshots where Tori says she doxxed someone, and tried to guilt trip my friend into giving her their address so she could doxx them too.
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Screenshots of me and my friends talking about the situation, and about the fact Tori kept on posting NSFW on her (then) TikTok account and talked about it to her other friends who were probably younger than her.
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Screenshots of Tori being mean to me and my friends out of nowhere and for no reason. (The blue line was an unrelated message I deleted for the sake of space)
And, well, Tori being racist to our friend was the final straw. Sure maybe she was exagerating/lying about the doxx thing but we couldn't accept her being racist. So, I, Aline, ghosted Tori, which angered her quite a lot.
But instead of deleting the server, I just left it with Tori and my two friends in it (which was a dumb mistake). My two friends were left with this teenager they didn't like and were AFRAID OF while she stalked both me and them. I don't know what her objective was with all this but if she wanted to scare us, well then she did.
Our friends were so scared of her that they were afraid of cutting off their friendship normally. One of them even told me they were afraid Tori would doxx her if she unfriended her, and we were all looking for ways to get this girl out of our life so we could be in peace once and for all.
However, Tori used to LEAK Sleepacross' Patreon.
And why is this important? Well, because she once sent a google drive link with said patreon images to us once (I wasn't online at the time (it was late at night and I was in school) so I didn't see it) but her drive was e-mail locked. So basically, she had to approve which e-mail would be able to see the contents of her drive.
And this is how she was able to get a hold of my friends' personal e-mails. She could've very well deleted them from the drive's history but she KEPT THEM SAVED and used them to STALK and HARASS my two friends once they blocked her.
And after my friends blocked her e-mail address, Tori started STALKING AND HARASSING my OTHER friends, block evading and asking them to message me about why we left her.
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Above are screenshots about the entire e-mail situation, as well as a the very e-mail Tori sent my friends and the conversation I had with the friend who received Tori's messages.
Tori said she didn't want to be my hater but she didn't know why I blocked her. And well, the answer is simple: Tori is transphobic (more on that below) Racist, xenophobic, ableist, Doxxed at least TWO people and is PROUD of it, found out where our friends lived and THREATENED TO DOXX THEM if they ever got on her bad side.
So like, aside from the fact we shouldn't even have talked in the first place, we were just scared that this TEENAGER would doxx us online and do something bad to us.
And also, remember when Tori said she didn't like NSFW or Hand Jumper anymore? Well, turns out she was lying. Because not only does she still post about Hand Jumper, she uses pictures from the webtoon to say the most CRUDE AND AWFUL THINGS I've EVER seen someone say.
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Above are screenshots of Tori being ableist and transphobic (this was back when the olympics were going on and she sided against the woman who was suffering transphobia without even being trans at all)
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And remember when Tori nearly used the N word against a black person? Well it seems she isn't above using slurs at all because she (a cisgender girl) called a trans person a slur with no remorse and with no reason. (Just Tori suddenly turning on her friends and being mean for no reason, i guess.)
Yesterday Tori got her friends together and started calling me names and making threats against my life. And I don't care whether they are just joking and being teenagers or not, but what they are saying is extremely problematic, especially because I know some of the people in that server are adults as well and should know better
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I personally don't care about their threats and what ill they have to say about me. Let them speak, I don't care. Nothing these children ever say about me will be worse than the things I have to live with on a day-to-day basis, so like yeah keep talking. Your words can't reach me.
However, I am still making this post anyway. And you may say:
"Woah Aline, but aside from Tori's server and friend group this situation was private! Why are you exposing this at all?"
That's simple. Because Tori decided to include my friends into all of this. She can hate me all she want, send me death threats and suicide bait me all day, but if she has something against me, then she should keep it between me and her only. NOT the other girls.
She sent them all screenshots of our group chat (which were the few times we even spoke about NSFW) and didn't even censor my friends' names, and is trying to get her friends to rally against them, even if they literally didn't do anything wrong.
And I'm so sorry but. If I REALLY was the bad person Tori is making me out to be, surely she wouldn't go out of her way to block evade, stalk and harass my friends to get back into contact, with me, right?
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If I really was bad, then she would've thanked GOD that I left her life, but she didn't. She always found a way to stalk both me and the other girls. And it's clear from her message to my other friend (screenshots above) that she was clearly mad and upset that we left her, and this all culminated in her talking shit about me and giving people that never even interacted with me before the wrong idea.
ALL my friends, not just the ones who were originally part of our gc, are afraid of her simply because they INTERACTED with her in the past. They are afraid she will doxx them or get her friends to attack them.
And the thing that made me write this post at all is because my best friend is scared for her life and feeling extremely suicidal because of this teenager who just doesn't know how to get my name out of her mouth.
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My friends have been suffering with terrible anxiety and paranoia all because of Tori. Afraid of her and her little friend group, afraid of being doxxed and attacked online. They are afraid of interacting with the Hand Jumper fandom altogether because Tori is seen as some sort of "celebrity" and her word is law, especially because since she is a minor, people will always side with her no matter what.
So I made this post to finally pull off the bandaid and put the spotlight on myself, not the other girls.
Yes, it was my fault for keeping a friendship out of pity and not love. I was wrong for talking about NSFW near/with Tori. It didn't matter if I was also a minor at the time, I was still older and should have known better. It was wrong of me to do so despite me not having bad intentions. Sure yeah my existence (or lack thereof) in Tori's life would not have changed whether or not she interacted/wrote NSFW things before the right time, but I shouldn't have interacted with her regardless. Sadly, I was naive then. I was wrong, and I apologize. Not to the strangers who are reading this, but to Tori, who I shouldn't even have been friends with in the first place.
And to Tori, this message is for you once someone sends you this post:
Despite everything you did, despite all the horrid things you've said about me, all the death threats and harm you've commited to me and my friends, I want you to know that I don't wish any harm upon you.
I'm sorry for ghosting you instead of sending you a proper goodbye. You must have felt very confused, especially because the others left you soon after. For that I am also guilty.
But I also acknowledge the fact that you know that you are wrong, and that you know your age doesn't make you innocent, but you still bring it up as a defense regardless because you know people will side with you no matter what you've done.
Was I in the wrong for talking about NSFW around you? Yeah.
But you were also wrong for saying slurs, for being racist, for doxxing someone and threatening to doxx your friends if they ever left you. You were wrong to leak the patreon and for making a harassment campaign against me. I know I was wrong too but doxxing, stalking, racism and harassment are also crimes in the USA.
You were transphobic on your Tiktok, said an absurdly ableist statement that I still cannot believe is real, and even without me in your life, you interacted/still interacts with NSFW posts both on Tiktok and AO3 (and I don't doubt you do so on Twitter as well, but I can't log on the website). So while you and your friends can call me disgusting for liking porn and dead doves, you are not all that different from me and you know that.
And I know you know that doxxing, racism, transphobia and ableism is worse than any fanfiction either I or you could have written, but you can't accept that.
You are probably what? 15 now? You aren't 8 years old. You are not a child. You know the weight of your words and yet you decide to speak them anyway because you think the word "minor" will get you a "get out of jail free card", but that only works for so long.
...
So, yeah. That's it. This is the post. I was wrong but Tori is also no saint. And if you are her friend and you are reading this, I think it's better you reconsider your choices before she starts harassing you, too.
And if you are a bystander and want to cuss me out, then sure, go forth. Shit on me for calling myself a proshipper, shit on me for doing something I knew was wrong, call me a freak and block me I DON'T CARE.
Just leave my girls out of this, because they are not guilty of anything. They just befriended the wrong person who had all the wrong intentions. Any hate and harassment should come to me and NOT them.
That's all I have to say.
I hope september treats you with kindness, and that everyone stays safe out there.
(Below are just a few screenshots of me and my friends talking about the situation, both during and after this entire debacle. I didn't have a place to put them in on the original post.)
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jizzweiner · 7 months
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what are your dirkjake gender heaadcanones
my fanfic acc is @jermer10, i mostly write for tf2 but i take reqs for a number of diff fandoms including homestuck disclaimer: i have to stress that some of these practices are extremely dangerous irl, please do your research before binding and taking hrt
dirk: - ftm transgender, homosexual - doesn't have top or bottom surgery because he lives in the middle of a fucking ocean - he binds using bandages and duct tape - created his own testosterone through extremely dangerous trial and error (doesn't give a shit as long as he can grow sideburns) - he mechanically created his packer (yes, it is completely functional as the real thing. no, he would not recommend trying to penetrate with it) - he primarily wears masculine clothing but likes headbands and hair clips - will also wear makeup occasionally - extremely secretive abt his gender identity, the only people who know are his bro and roxy - jake and jane don't find out until they meet him in person and see his bewbs and then it clicks why he never joined vc or would use funny voice changers when he did, why he never really sent selfies and when he did they would be head n shoulders only
jake: - amab nonbinary, bisexual - they use he/they pronouns and have no intention of any surgeries (social dysphoria + gender dysphoria but not much dysphoria abt his body) - they mostly wear feminine clothing because its comfortable - had the most trouble with his gender identity, and didn't even know dirk was trans until he met him in person for the first time - and that's when it clicks that they might alsoooo fall under the trans umbrella - he confides in jane about this before making a coming out speech to dirk and roxy - the general consensus is literally 'yeah i mean it was kinda obvious' - (all of the alpha kids r trans to me so like yeah ofc they dont care) - doesn't really like labels and prefers to remained undefined, he's the kind of person who hates feeling trapped or held back - absolutely HATES being perceived, they hate when others try to project a certain image onto them that they don't agree with but also hates it when they give him labels that he does agree with
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evansbby · 3 months
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i don’t get ur ick of men dating women extremely younger than them when you obsess over fucking ari who is like 40, not saying it’s a bad thing it’s just ironic considering your fics/acc so i don’t get that one lol
do you just selectively read stuff? 😂😂😂 bc you know I’ve said numerous times that it’s funny how all I write about it age gap fics when really I get such an ick with age gap relationships irl. And the truth is that the older men that I write and read about are WRITTEN BY WOMEN and that’s why these fics are so good, that’s why characters like Ari are so attractive in my head. But in real life, older men who go for younger women are 9/10 times pathetic and can’t handle a woman their own age and so go for younger women. The fictional older men are perfect bc fanfic that I consume and write is set in a perfect world CREATED BY US, but this is never the case irl. It’s a simple concept. If you can’t understand that then idk what to tell you.
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